#but i have. so much. maybe one day ill share the rest but i rlly liked this one at least lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blxetsi · 3 years

Note

Hello! I love your blog and writing so much! May I please request modern au dating hcs for Mikasa?

tysm for requesting ilysm 🙈💥

i also went a bit overboard i hope thats okay !!

modern mikasa ackerman dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

college!mikasa ackerman x gn!reader

- eren finds out abt her crush on you. idc idc

- mf may be dense sometimes but he isnt stupid, he KNOWS what mikasa acts like when shes in the presence of her crush,, he would know bc he was one ;)

- anyways, maybe your like, going up to ask mikasa for her notes from last class, or just chatting with them to be friendly

- either way mikasa goes from 😳 to 😐 real quick

- shes very quiet which youre used to so you dont really think too long abt her lack of communication. its literally just you and eren talking at this point

- after you leave to,,, idk sit under a tree ?? erens immediately turning to mikasa being like "okay tell me everything"

- she denies the crush on u 😔💔

- but then eren tells armin.

- and eren has a big mouth so who knows who else he told ??

- so finally, after beating up eren for spilling the beans she tells her two closest friends EVERYTHING

- like from how nice your hair smells to how pretty she finds your eyes. how she loves your sense of style. she just likes everything about you

- erens like "i mean yeah theyre rlly cute but like,,, what do you like about them that isnt physical 😐"

- mikasa starts blushing HARD. and slowly goes to her bedroom in their shared apartment, before slinking back out holding a crinkly folded piece of paper.

- its something you wrote and it says "thanks for studying with me mikasa !! let me treat you to boba as a thanks. youre so sweet, ill see you next class babie"

- erens looking at the note like 😐 mf is this it ??

- armins flipping it back and forth and reading it over and over again

- mikasa just says "theyre kind to everyone. and theyre funny. i just like them a lot."

- erens like 🙄 k but armins all for it

- then they start coming up with a plan to get you to like mikasa back (even though mikasa doesnt want that)

- erens an asshole and says "mikasa i love you and you will always be my number one, HOWEVER. they might just see you as a friend, OR WORSE. an aquaintance. we gotta make u so cool that youre irresistable"

- now mikasa is a bit worried

- HOWEVER. what none of those idiots know is that YOU have had a fat crush on mikasa since you asked her for a pencil at the beginning of the semester 😍 she stared at u like 😐✏️ and u were like "omg thanks 😊" w a little blush on ur cheeks bc mikasa's hot

- i mean,, if you didnt like mikasa WHY would you have invited her out for boba ?? one, who doesnt like boba ?? and two,, doesnt that count as a date ? u didnt know but u just wanted to like ✨subtly✨ shoot your shot

- but that was almost a month ago and she hasnt said yes. so you assume she didnt wanna go

- a few days go by after mikasa tells her friends all about her crush. and like,,, they do nothing ?? what happened to the big plan of making mikasa seem like the coolest person around ?

- it turns out eren doesnt know enough about you to know what you like. and ur dumbass friends aint help either.

- so one day he finds you and mikasa coming out of your shared class, your talking about something and mikasa is just nodding with a blush on her cheeks.

- he runs up to both of you before saying "hey just to let you know mikasa has a big crush on you. and she'd love to go get boba with you 😁👍"

- mikasa gets so red in the face and starts smacking him with her binder. you couldnt stop it even if you tried

- after literally YELLING at them for their attention you just turn to mikasa like "please get boba with me 🥺" and she cant resist

- and then the rest is history 😌✨

- after the boba date you learned so much about her and vice versa. you guys were like,, closer than ever. always going to her apartment or her coming to your dorm

- you guys would have sleepovers very frequently. nothing ever happens but you two like being so close with each other

- and you guys do a lot together when you arent busy with school or work or friends

- mikasa takes you to cool museums and art galleries

- you take her to cool shops downtown and parks

- its so fun

- but you cant help but wonder if youre dating or not ?? like do you have the right to call mikasa your gf ?? you guys havent kissed on the lips but she always kisses your head when you cuddle, and you always take each other out on dates

- on the day you finally bring it up during one of your sleepovers. shes on her back and youre almost on top of her with your arms around her shoulders and your face smushed into her chest

- u just kinda mumble "are you my girlfriend ?"

- and its SILENT.

- u start freaking out bc "omg she doesnt like me 😁👍 im gonna cry"

- until she just quietly says. "yes."

- OFNWIDNKWSMWKKWKALSMQLSME

- ur gonna marry this girl 😐

- her love language ?? definitely acts of service. idc idc.

- when u sleep over shes making you tea without u asking. (u said u liked lavender tea ONCE and this bith got a whole container 😭😭)

- when you have movie nights with her, eren, and armin she always chooses a movie you like ("no we arent watching the florida project again armin cried last time" "yeah but y/n loves it so" "this feels like oppression mikasa" "okay and ?")

- is also very protective. she hears mfs in the halls talking shit about you ?? shes shutting them up with her glare

- also u know how isayama made her goth in his like, highschool thingy ?? yeah 😍

- #gothmikasasupremacy

- she makes her eyeliner and shadow messy on purpose.

- you love just laying her down on her bed and straddling her, just leaning over and doing her makeup for her (jules and anna tease 🙈✨)

- sometimes you guys go to thrift stores and pick out outfits for each other

- one time you found this GORGEOUS floral sundress and she physically shivered from the thought of wearing

- tried it on and looked SO BEAUTIFUL, but it wasnt her style 😐

- also doesnt tell her parents about you ?? not bc shes embarassed or anything but just because she knows her dad is gonna be like "who are they ? what are they like ? where do they live ? whats their major ? where are they from ? whats their zodiac sign ?"

- he doesnt do it to play the "overprotective dad" role but because hes genuinely curious and excited

- she brings you home for the first time and youre so surprised because this tall blond man is her FATHER ?? she looks so much like her mom though its not even funny

- for dinner her mom and dad made traditional japanese food 😭😭 it was so good omfg

- also this has nothing to do with dating headcanons but mikasa used to live off of lunchables as a kid. was literally addicted to the rubber like ham 😍

- her mom is so sweet, and she shows you all of the stuff she's embroidered all these years

- her dad is so extroverted, he loves telling dad jokes. you find them HILARIOUS but mikasa sits there like 😐👍

- he DEMANDS you guys play scrabble. he says it help him figure out who you are as a person. now youre scared 😁👍

- anyways

- you love giving her little kisses on her lips because one, you get some of her moisturizing lip gloss on your lips and two, she blushes SO HARD

- one time you two were on a date and you ran into her ex. whos literally so scary

- her name is annie and shes blonde and muscular and rlly hot but has that same blank stare as mikasa

- you feel kinda weird bc how did she go from being with ANNIE to you ??

- you ask her abt it and shes like "oh yeah we dated in our last year of high school. im much happier with you" and now youre feeling all giggly and happy bc mikasa doesnt lie 😭😭

- u roll around on her bed with your cheeks squished together to hide your blush bc you feel so good that she said that

- she just rolls her eyes before getting on top of you and taking your hands away from your face

- she gives u kisses all over before putting the final one on your lips. its such a soft and sweet moment with just the two of you, you cant help but confirm what youve already thought:

youre gonna marry her one day.

a/n

i REAAALLLLYYYY enjoyed making this oml. i hope u all enjoyed this !! remember: requests r open for anything aot OR u can give me ideas for other fandoms to write for

kk goodbye friends 🤩🤩🤩

#attack on titan headcanons #attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #mikasa ackerman #mikasa ackerman x reader #eren jaeger #eren yeager #armin arlert #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyoujin imagine

137 notes · View notes

hello-yue-here · 3 years

Note

About your atla ship songs, I have a couple of questions (sorry if my phrasing comes out wrong, english isn't my first language and I worry it might across as accidentally defensive): how did you end up with the choices for zukka, jetko and yuekka (note: I haven't seen the great comet, so feel free to obsess over it, I'm intrigued now and the hype is appreciated!)? Sidenote: I think the mailee choice is HILARIOUS and the tokka one just make me sad, I didn't expect to be attacked like this😭

kdjfha;s i love you im gonna obsess SO HARD over great comet now. you may regret this

this is gonna be so long so the rest is under the cut whoops

yuekka: no one else from great comet

where do i even begin. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

okay so background information on this show: it's based off of a 76 oages excerpt from war and peace and its centered around a woman named natasha (and this guy pierre but he's irrelevant to this song so we wont worry about him) and natasha's bethrothed is off fighting in the war right now. she hasn't seen him in a while but she is in love with him.

every single lyrics of this song SCREAMS yuekka to me. the innocence and purity of their love. the love at first sight. and even the melancholy ending just- i go apeshit for this song. i love this song so much. and denee benton's voice??? kljsdhflwksugf please listen to this song if you haven't already. listen to the whole show. your life will be changed forever.

onto the lyrics (i stg this is ab to be the whole song whoops)

"the moon"

THOSE ARE THE FIRST WORDS ON THE SONG. natasha and andre (her bethrothed) met underneath the moonlight. Sokka and Yue first spoke to eachother at night and always met each other for their most intimate moments under the moonlight. also yue is LITERALLY the moon so like: right of the bat with those two words it's yuekka.

"and i saw your eyes / and i saw your smile / and the world opened wide"

sokka fell in love with yue the moment he saw her in the canal. she literally enchanted this motherfucker. everything about her made his heart go crazy. and 'the world opened wide' to me is from yue's perspective. Yue had never left the north pole and sokka had seen a good chuck of the world at the point. He took her on appa, he told her about his adventures. he saw the world yue wished to see and you know damn well that Sokka would have done anything to give it to her.

"oh the moon /oh the snow in the moonlight / and your childlike eyes and your distant smile / ill never be this happy again / you and i and no one else"

natasha sings fondly about the moon and the snow, seeing as it was where she fell in love with andre. yue and sokka LITERALLY fell in love in the same place: in the snowy nothern water tribe under the light of the moon. childlike eyes: THEYRE CHILDREN!!! distant smile: this is where it gets a little sad. theyre both children with way too many duties during a world that has known nothing but war for the past century. they want to be happy but yeah, theyre smiles are distant and far away because happiness seems out of reach for them most of the time. i'll never be this happy again: the moments yue and sokka shared together were probably the happiest either of them ever were. they were able to ignore the war and the world in the moments they shared together. and with no one else. no one else would be able to give each other this sense of peace and happiness and love.

"joy and life inside our souls / and no body knows just you and me / it's our secret"

Yue and Sokka had to sneak out in secret at night to go and see each other. Yue and Sokka couldn't be together for real because Yue was already engaged, but they were literally in love so she decided to see him anyways in secret. kasdjfhklasjd im losing my mind over them at this point.

"this winer sky / how can anyone sleep / there was never such a night before / i feel like putting my arms around my knees / and squeezing tight as possible / and flying away"

these are my FAVORITE lines in the entire song. yue and sokka had never felt this strongly about anyone before and that's why they are so drawn to each other. they had never experienced love before and they wanted to hold onto it for as long as they could even though they knew they couldnt. Sokka takes yue up on appa and she is wistful and wishes she could live like he does every day: ie flying away. oh my god these two deserved so much better. so much fucking better.

now for the saddes part. the saddest fucking part.

"maybe he'll come today / maybe he came already / and he's sitting in the drawing room / and i simply forgot"

natasha misses andre so intensely at this point. when i first listened to this show and heard this song i was like "wait a min... is andre like... dead?" and im sure i wasnt the only person who assumed that this was why natasha felt so sad by the end of such a beautiful song. (spoiler alert andre is fine)

but this line really exemplifies how sad natasha is, and hints at the fact that andre may never come back. it implies that their relationship is doomed (at least in my opinion) and that's all yuekka. Sokka misses yue intensely when shes gone. Yue accepted her fate almost immediately but sokka was in denial. he thought there had to be another way. but in the end it wasn't meant to be. and sokka will go on, loving yue, wishing for her back, even though it's not possible.

fuck im gonna cry.

zukka: all i've ever known- hadestown

"i was alone so long / i didn't even know that i was lonely / out in the cold so long / i didnt even know that i was cold"

sokka is from the swt so theres where the cold comes in. also in the gaang (initially) it was just him katara and aang. and katara and aang were much closer to each other than sokka was with aang and the two of them were benders so sokka was kind of an outsider with the two of them. He also represses a lot of his emotions and feels the need to do everything himself so i do see a lot of loneliness in sokka. and the fact that so many people in his life have left him (his mom, yue, his dad, suki briefly, etc...) he is known to keep people at an arms length. i see a lot of loneliness in sokka.

zuko's loneliness is a lot more obvious: he has literally been cast out and abandoned by everyone except iroh. and even then he still feels the need to be alone (remember zuko alone? thought so) these boys look after themselves and push others away and revel in their loneliness in order to keep themselves from getting hurt. at least in my opinion on canon and also some fanon because id be a liar if i said fanon didnt influence how i view ALL my ships (not just zukka)

"all ive ever known is how to hold my own / but now I wanna hold you too"

COME ONE MANNNN, they just wanna hold each other. theyre both very big protectors as well and kljhflkasdhg they wanna protect eachother like kljdhfl im gonna lose it rn.

"You take me in your arms / And suddenly there's sunlight all around me / Everything bright and warm / And shining like it never did before / And for a moment I forget / Just how dark and cold it gets"

SUNLIGHT SYMBOLISM. zuko is literally powered by the sun. i don't think i even NEED to elaborate on this one anymore lol. They find comfort in each other away from all of their trauma. when they're together nothing else matters and i personally love that for them. they both deserve love.

"I knew you before we met / And I don't even know you yet / All I know is your someone I have always known"

these two are extremely similar in canon. many parallels. older brothers overshadowed by their prodigy little sisters. longing to make their fathers proud (granted one dad is good and one is fuckin evil), both are pretty bad with emotions. both are seen protecting others before themselves (sokka protecting suki during the serpant's pass, sokka protecting toph on like multiple occassions, zuko protecting katara in the final agni kai), the list goes on. they know who the other is because they see themselves in the other person. they already know each other because they are each other (in a way, not entirely, but the similarities are strong in my opinion)

"I'm gonna hold you forever / The wind will never change on us / Long as we stay with each other / Then it will always be like this"

i just think this line is so cute and sweet (ignoring all the symbolism and foreshadowing that comes with the last line in the musical itself. im gonna pretend this is nothing but happy) and i think these boys deserve happiness so yeah. this song is zukka to me lol.

jetko: thrill of first love- falsettoes

if you've never listened to this song go an do it now. you will know INSTANTLY that it is jetko because of the dynamics alone. marvin and whizzer are pure jetko and i take no crticisms.

marvin and whizzer are both extremely stubborn, and they don't always get along, and they fight a lot, and they get mad at each other a lot, and they are both passionate as hell, and they will bring this passion into everything. they love each other that is without a doubt, but they arent perfect and they are once again stubborn and determined as fuck.

sound familiar? it's literally jetko.

the lyrics aren't what remind me of jetko, but the dynamic itself. the lyrics are too on the nose for a gay couple in 1970's america so that rlly cant apply to jetko all that much. but the way these two characters bounce off of each other and get annoyed with each other and argue with eachother reminds me of jetko. because let's be honest: these two are the most stubborn characters in the whole show. they will fight for what they believe and it will take literally everything to change their minds.

i love jetko but i think they would have petty arguments all the time and get aggravated by one another so easily. and this is even seen in canon: they work so fucking well together but they did not even HESITATE to fight one another after neither of them would give in and let the fight about whether jet was right or wrong about zuko being a firebender. like i cannot say it enough they are stubborn as fuck.

but underneath all that stubborn pettiness and bickering: marvin and whizzer still love each other. and jet and zuko would still love each other. because even though they are stubborn when it comes to arguments, they are even more stubborn and determined when it comes to each other. these two passionate motherfuckers are in love.

(now when i chose this song i decided to ignore the fact that this song literally spells out the fact that marvin and whizzer's relatinoship is doomed because they literally say passion dies. thats the difference between jetko and whizzer and marvin because i dont think passion dies. i chose this song strictly for the bickering lmao)

and i know you didnt ask about tokka but,,,,

i rlly wanna talk about the tokka one

so im going to

tokka: on my own- les mis

look. i KNOW this song is about unrequited love and i love tokka as a couple but,,, the unrequited love in this song just SCREAMS unrequited tokka to me so thats what i went with.

eponine is a girl who has neglectful parents who lives life by her own rules: toph. eponine is shown to be tough and confident and spunky to others but behind all of that she has emotions, she feels love, she hides her vulnerability so much: toph. she is in love with a guy she cant be with because he loves someone else: TOPH

eponine is toph to a t and toph is eponine to a t. this is not up for debate lmao

"without him i feel his arms around me"

toph is always seen grabbing onto someone (and its almost ALWAYS sokka) when she's somewhere where she can't use her feet to see. FEEL and ARMS cmon. look at it.

"and i know / i know that he is blind"

COME ON. IMAGINE TOPH SINGING THIS LINE. this line is already powerful enough in les mis but having toph, a blind character, sing it just makes the symbolism even deeper. toph sees the potential relationship they could have together. toph sees that sokka is oblivious to this. toph is not blind to the truth or the potention, but sokka is blind to her feelings. im about to lose my mind over this line.

"I love him / But every day I'm learning / All my life / I've only been pretending / Without me / His world will go on turning / A world that's full of happiness / That I have never known"

i need to sit down for a moment. toph grew up in a household where her parents did not understand her. she has learned to hide her true emotions and vulnerabilities from everyone. and its the fact that toph knows that she and sokka will never be together and the fact that she still loves him in spite of that is what makes this even more heartbreaking.

"but only on my own"

TOPH AND EPONINE SWEETIES I LOVE YOU

thank you for indulging my theatre kid nonsense. you are very sweet and kind and lovely and awesome and i hope you have a lovely day bestie :) <3

ask me why i think these songs go with these ships

#asks #liv is a theatre nerd #liv is an atla nerd #yuekka #zukka #jetko #tokka #ask me about my ship songs

12 notes · View notes

cade-flrt · 3 years

Text

[🪐] WHEN SHE LOVED ME

─────────────────────

pairing. marcia x cherry

desc. where your soulmate’s name appears on your wrist once they’ve fallen in love with you, which only you and your soulmate can see

type. oneshot, song fic, soulmate au, angst

warnings. mention of death, illness

notes. nothing rlly except i hope y’all enjoy :))) based off the song when she loved me also this is a repost bc i deleted the last one by accident LMFAO

“when somebody loved me,”

whistling a soft tune with her eyes closed, marcia sat leaning against the fence of her front porch steps. she was watching the orange and red colours fall down south as the deep blue started to take over, slowly but surely.

it was a routine, at this point. to watch the sun set and to watch the redhead pass by her house each and every time.

sometimes they shared small glances, sometimes even smiles— but sometimes marcia just admired her, for a few seconds without the girl even noticing.

marcia got lost in thought thinking about her, and as if heaven above was listening to her, she heard the familiar footsteps walking by on the concrete pavement.

she quickly raised herself slightly, peering over the edge to get a peak at the girl as if she was some famous celebrity. marcia let out a small ‘tsk’ at herself, she’ll think your a weirdo. but then, she heard the familiar footsteps walking closer.

“hello!” the redhead stood in front of marcia, raising a small hand to wave. “i’ve noticed you looking at me for these past few months?” it was intended to be a statement, marcia could tell, but it came out more like a question.

“well it takes two to tango,” marcia replied simply which left the girl across from her confused. she crossed her arms and her hip was stuck out slightly.

“meaning?”

“you gotta be lookin’ at me too to see me lookin’ at you.”

she thought about it for a while, then a look of finality coming up on her face. “fair enough.” she said simply, going to sit next to marcia on the porch steps.

she felt her heartbeat quicken as the cotton of her sweater brushed against her shoulder, she was sitting so close.

“i’m sherri, but my friends call me cherry—“ sherri, or shall we say cherry, started introducing herself before marcia interrupted her.

“because of your hair? yeah figured,” she shrugged with a half smile on her face. usually, cherry would be mad at someone for interrupting her but instead this time she just let it go and decided not to mention it.

“yeah... you go to my school to something?” cherry asked, raising a singular eyebrow with pursed lips.

marcia let out a small sigh, “probably. but i could just tell, because your hair’s red, cherry’s are red... y’know... 2 + 2 = 4.” she replied playfully. she did know the cherry girl went to her school, marcia always saw her about.

“yeah i get it, no need to get smart...” cherry trailed off as she realised she didn’t know the brunette’s name. marcia probably would’ve answered quicker if she didn’t catch herself staring in her eyes.

marcia soon realised the situation and snapped back to reality, “marcia, the name’s marcia.”

cherry nodded, then standing up. “well marcia, i’ll best get going. my folks will be worried if i don’t get home soon, i’ll see you around yeah?”

“sure.”

“everything was beautiful,”

it was a few weeks later, marcia and cherry had gotten to talking and they soon became quite close friends. marcia enjoyed having cherry around, she always managed to put a smile on her face.

marcia stood, watering the flowers in her backyard as she was listening to the faded music playing from the record player playing from inside her house. she loved her flowers and other variety of plants, they made her happy every time she saw their beauty.

just like cherry, she thought with a small smile as she continued to pour more water without even thinking about it. she got lost in thought thinking about her new friend.

lord, how she hated that word.

“mar?”

marcia’s head perked up at the sound of the soft voice calling from beside her. “oh— cherry, you’re here.”

“yeah, just in time it seems too.” cherry chuckled a little, taking the green watering can from marcia to stop her from over watering the plants; though it seemed to be a little too late for that.

“you wanna go somewhere?” marcia asked, dusting off her hands on the light yellow skirt she was wearing. it protected her legs from the slight spring breeze.

“nah, let’s just sit here. watch the clouds or something cheesy like that.” cherry flashed her a wide grin, walking over slightly to lay down on the grass as marcia followed.

marcia felt the grass poke at her bare arms and back, inhaling the fresh air. “that one looks like a dinosaur.” she pointed at a cloud in the sky.

“hm, i’m not sure. i think it looks more like a car,” cherry disagreed, her head tilting to the side as her blue-green eyes examined the cotton like clouds above.

“and i think you need glasses if that’s what you see!” marcia exclaimed, sitting up on her elbows raising her eyebrows.

cherry giggled, slapping the other girl’s arm playfully. “art is subjective!” she reasoned in a higher pitched voice than usual.

“this ain’t art, this is just clouds?” marcia said, but it came out more as if it was supposed to be a question. she looked down at the redhead beside her, who was just staring up at the sky.

“well, i don’t know. i think you can find art in anythin’ and everything, beauty in anythin’ and everything. like these clouds; they’re beautiful, art-like— i mean look at that one! it looks like it was shaped perfectly by someone.” cherry explained her point of view which left marcia thinking about it for a while, and she ended up with the conclusion that she agreed.

marcia just then noticed that ever since she met cherry, everything was beautiful to her. or she could find the best parts in everyone and everything, guess that’s just cherry’s effect on people, is what she thought.

“every hour that we spent together,”

cherry sang a small song under her breath as she sat in front/underneath of marcia, who was sitting on her own bed. marcia ran her hand through cherry’s hair, then following it up with a brush. “can i do your hair?”

cherry just hummed as a small confirmation. at this sound, marcia continued and started braiding it into a singular braids. “your hair is so soft,” she commented with a small sigh.

“there’s a reason i take so long in showers.” cherry responded simply with a small shrug as she then stretched over to grab her notebook and started drawing something.

“what you drawin’?”

“just a little something.”

“should i be scared?” marcia asked, half joking half serious with a nervous laugh as she grabbed a band and tied the auburn locks at the end.

“no, don’t worry,” cherry shook her head. “plus if it was something bad, i’d be here to protect you.” she turned around to face the brunette and winked.

“wow, not scared no more!” marcia raised her voice a little and even marcia herself couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or not.

she always felt safe with cherry around, as if nothing could touch her.

only cherry and her against the world.

just her and her best friend.

there was that word again.

friend.

“lives within my heart,”

marcia coughed into the handkerchief that she was holding in her hand. when she moved it away from her mouth, she noticed one thing and one thing only; it was stained with red.

a small gasp left her lips, the sight making her frown. “that can’t be good...”

“what can’t be good?” the same voice she had heard each and every day for the past few months asked.

marcia looked up and quickly crumpled the napkin up and threw it in the trash can, sitting in her room.

she looked down and realised cherry was carrying what looked like a crate filled with a load of varieties of things.

“oh it’s nothing... what’s that for?” marcia pointed to the said crate. she genuinely wanted to know but figured it would also be a good excuse to change the subject.

“oh, i figured we could go to the beach today!” cherry moved on from the past subject, seemingly forgetting it which made tension in marcia lessen.

“sure, sure, i’ll just need to ask my folks—” marcia started but cherry made a ‘mhm’ sound, wagging a finger. cherry placed the crate on the ground, letting her arms rest.

“already asked for you! they said yes, so you don’t really have an option here.” cherry put it simply. she walked over to the bed, dragging marcia along with her as they both fell down onto it. they both sat up straight.

“how funny,” marcia replied nonchalantly but on the inside her heart was beating and her cheeks were visibly heating up.

she never thought anyone would care about her like how cherry cared about her. she never thought anyone would think of her as much as cherry thought of her— or at least, she hoped cherry thought about her as much as she thought about her.

“cherry, you got your soulmate’s name on your wrist yet?” marcia pried, speaking out of nowhere and asking this question out of nowhere.

cherry gulped a little, looking a bit taken aback. she hesitated before answering, “yes..”

marcia’s eyes widened, her jaw dropping as she prodded her on to continue who it was. as cherry didn’t seem to get the memo, she simply grabbed the other girl’s wrist and looked down at the name tattooed in black.

marcia

they both sat there in complete silence for what seemed like centuries. marcia wasn’t quite sure what to feel, and she wasn’t quite sure on what was appropriate to react.

but marcia did know how she herself wanted to react.

marcia pulled cherry into her, connecting their lips almost instantly which made cherry’s eyes widen for a split second. she then relaxed into the kiss as marcia placed her hands on the side of cherry’s face, cherry placing her arms on marcia’s shoulders.

at first, they both didn’t move and just stayed like this but then they both started kissing each other back. their lips fit perfectly together as if they were building pieces that were made for each other, maybe they were. the universe works in funny ways, sometimes.

they both kept kissing each other in silence for what seemed to be hours, not making any other noises other than the smacking of their lips.

so much for a beach trip huh? marcia thought.

“and when she was sad,”

marcia paced back in forth in her room, she was waiting for cherry to get there and was biting her nails anxiously.

“mar? what’s up?” cherry came from behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder. they had made it official only two weeks before, ever since that day marcia kissed her.

“i need to tell you something.”

“cheating on me, already?” cherry joked, but marcia didn’t seem to laugh which made cherry concern. cherry went to sit on the chair that was right next to marcia’s bed. she got more and more anxious the longer marcia put off telling her. “well come on, what is it then?”

marcia quickly but quietly hopped onto her bed, turning to face cherry and shimmied over to the edge of the bed. she held cherry’s hands in hers, almost to comfort her. “i’m sick, sher.”

“oh well that ain’t so bad, why you making such a big fuss over it?” cherry cocked an eyebrow, mistaking the information she just retained as marcia just having the common cold, a fever or worst case scenario; the flu.

“no, no. it ain’t like that,” marcia waved her off, continuing on. “i’m sick, like... badly, gonna be for a long time— hell, maybe even the rest of my life. doc said so, they don’t know what’s wrong with me just yet but they know it ain’t good.”

marcia tried to read the expression on cherry’s face but couldn’t seem to understand. she had no expression, just blankness. it was almost as if she was a blank canvas that was yet to be painted over.

“you gonna die, mar?” cherry finally reacted after the long silence, her voice shaking slightly and she released her hands from marcia’s.

marcia couldn’t tell if she was mad at her, or maybe just shocked. she decided to go with the latter, for her own sanity.

marcia thought about the question long and hard, trying to come up with an exact answer. but even marcia couldn’t answer it, instead she just kept silent.

but silence was a yes to cherry.

suddenly, cherry just stood up and walked out of the room.

“s’ she mad at me?” marcia asked herself in a low whisper. “golly, that’s all i need.”

“i was there to dry her tears,”

marcia had got told by her doctor to refrain from moving about if not necessary and was put on bed rest. she looked different. she was paler, looked almost gray-ish. her nails were brittle, her hair was thinner and there was less of it too.

cherry was there almost every hour of everyday. she made sure of it, and she made sure to look after marcia as best as she could. she would catch marcia up on what was going on at school, since marcia decided to make the decision to drop out.

marcia couldn’t help but feel guilty, as if she was robbing cherry of enjoyment. but cherry swore on the good lord that she didn’t mind, and would rather be there with her girlfriend than out there with randoms.

there’s a word she liked, girlfriend. compared to friend, she liked this word.

but marcia, every time she as much reached out, always noticed something. that her wrist was blank.

whilst cherry’s was stained with (seemingly) black ink that had marcia’s name on it. marcia had nothing on hers, meaning cherry didn’t love her.

“why’s that?” marcia would often find herself wondering.

you’re not good enough.

she likes someone else.

because you can’t do anything but stay in your bed all day.

you’re useless.

all these conclusions often circled around marcia’s mind, but cherry would say that it was a load of garbage and the universe is just playing games.

well that is, if they ever talked about it. they only talked about it once or twice, they didn’t like mentioning it and marcia tried to block it out of her thoughts as well as she could.

“open up!” cherry commanded marcia to do so, which she followed through and opened her mouth slightly. cherry sat beside the bed on the same chair as before, a tray on her lap with a bowl of soup. the spoon filled to the brim with yellow coloured soup found it’s way to marcia’s mouth after some time.

“you know,” marcia started but stopped to finish chewing a piece of chicken, “you don’t gotta feed me, i can do that by myself. i ain’t five.”

cherry just simply rolled her eyes at this statement, “well, yeah. but i like doing it, it makes me happy— don’t you want your girlfriend to be happy?” she gave marcia over exaggerated puppy dog eyes.

“yeah, whatever you want..” marcia gave in, swallowing the piece of chicken. truth is, she had started to lose her sense of taste. as well as her other senses, her sense of hearing was already pretty much gone and don’t even bring up her sense of smell.

god knows what goes next. her sense of touch and sight? well, marcia figured she couldn’t lose her sense of touch just like that but she was rather scared about her sight.

she remembered her doctor saying something about her potentially losing her sight and she felt it coming. her vision was getting worse by the day, becoming more and more blurry.

“you’d still like me if i couldn’t see or anythin’ right?” marcia spoke from out of nowhere, making cherry jump slightly.

cherry looked highly confused and put the bowl of soup and the tray on the ground. she frowned, “yes of course, that won’t change nothing. why?”

“just checkin’.” marcia lied, getting comfortable in her bed. she shifted about slightly, she just couldn’t get comfortable anymore. it was always too warm with the blankets over her, and way too cold without them on her.

her doctor and cherry alike recommended to keep the covers over her, as a lot of the time, marcia couldn’t even tell what her actual body temperature was.

marcia looked over to see cherry painting once more in the small notebook she brought around with her.

marcia was still yet to find out what she was actually painting, but she decided not to bother her.

she quickly found her eyes shutting close almost by herself, a wave of tiredness taking over her mind and body.

but her mind and body suddenly shot awake when she heard quiet sobs coming from beside her. “cherry?”

then, marcia looked up to find cherry sobbing into her hands with the notebook and painting set on the floor. marcia felt very confused on why she was crying. “what’s wrong?”

“it’s just that... you don’t deserve to be locked up here or whatever, it makes me sad y’know..” cherry tried to explain her feelings between sobs, marcia reacted quickly by stretching over to hold cherry in her arms. she hoped she made cherry feel as safe as cherry made her feel.

“it’s alright, don’t worry. it’s not that bad.. anyways, who was i gonna meet out there? the president?” marcia tried to cheer her up with a subtle joke, and it seemed to do the trick. “i got you, and that’s all that matters to me.”

cherry sniffed a few times before nodding, “yeah, i guess you’re right.”

“am never wrong, doll!”

“and when she was happy, so was i,”

“baby, oh baby!” cherry sang along to b-a-b-y by carla thomas, the record that was playing softly in the background. she was dancing about marcia’s room, the doctor had just been, as usual, and just left.

she was trying to cheer up marcia, as she noticed marcia usually felt much more sad when he came around. he wasn’t a bad guy or anything, he just never had any good news for marcia. he had just told them that he and the optician both believe she would be losing her sight much sooner than expected.

“i love to call you baby!” cherry continued to sing. she somehow found a scarf in marcia’s room somewhere and was dancing around with it.

even though marcia felt sad, whenever she saw cherry, she couldn’t help but smile.

it was cheesy, she knows but she doesn’t care.

even though marcia had the gut feeling all the time that cherry truly didn’t love her, she tried to push that deep down into the pits of hell.

“of course she loves me,” marcia mumbled to herself. over the loud music playing, cherry couldn’t hear what she was hearing— and she was far too distracted to notice anyways.

yet, she found herself glancing down at her wrist and winced at the bareness of it. there was still yet no ink to be found, she wondered what she could possibly do.

but then she saw cherry flash that iconic smile, and found herself distracted from all bad thoughts.

“through the summer and the fall,”

“marcia! get up!”

marcia jumped up from the bed at the sound of cherry’s voice shouting through the house. “jesus, cherry. if i wasn’t going to die as it was, i was gonna die of shock.”

“don’t make jokes like that.” cherry stated, in a very serious tone that marcia never heard her use before. she and cherry knew it was true, but they both mutually agreed to not bring it up. marcia was so weak now that she found herself not even being able to get up or get changed on her own, so often it was her mother or cherry helping her.

“i’m driving you!” cherry moved on from the topic quickly, deciding not to talk about it anymore and pretend it never happened.

“to where?”

“does it matter? just around the place. to get fresh air.” cherry answered the question, opening the curtains to get some fresh light in.

“i can get fresh air in here, yknow.” marcia turning to face the window, which cherry was standing right next to as she fixed the curtains.

“a short breeze from the window don’t count,” cherry started looking through her drawers. she pulled out some clothes and threw it towards— or directly at, marcia, (her face to be exact). “get changed.”

“jeez, i’m on it! i’m on it!”

after getting ready, (cherry helping), marcia and cherry were sat in cherry’s car. she was just driving around the place, going through small hills and remote areas. the radio was blasting loudly, and they were quickly driving by the beach.

“we should get a house by the seaside someday, how ‘bout that?” marcia offered, she admired the blues that made up the sea and the tan beiges that made up the sand.

“sure, and if a tsunami come then oh well!” cherry agreed to it, shrugging her shoulders as she tapped the steering wheel along to the beat of the song playing on the radio.

“at least we’ll die in a good house,” marcia shrugged, speaking half seriously and half sarcastically. cherry laughed at her joke, leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“we had each other, that was all,”

marcia held cherry tight in her arms, as cherry was lying on top of her. she rubbed the back of her head softly, cherry singing soft lullabies.

“i ain’t a baby, you don’t gotta sing no lullaby to me,” marcia chuckled, rolling her eyes as she twirled a part of cherry’s hair with her finger.

“well you’re my baby!” cherry declared, giving a small kiss and marcia fake gagged.

“gross, never say that again!”

“oi, i’m trying to be nice here.” cherry faked a pout, leaning her head into marcia’s chest. she just listened to her heartbeat.

“i’d rather you tell me you want me dead than that.” marcia over exaggerated, which made them both laugh at the statement.

“well then, i want you dead!”

“well, your wish already seems to be granted.” marcia tried to joke along with her again, but cherry just stopped. she was no longer laughing.

“what did i tell you about joking about that?” cherry scolded in the same tone as before, marcia gulped fearfully.

“just she and i together,”

at this point, it had been about 2 years since marcia got sick. marcia couldn’t even leave the bed anymore, she was asleep half of the time and when she was awake she could hardly talk.

and one major thing.

there was still no name on her wrist.

not that she could see it anyways, her vision was completely gone. everything was too blurry snd the world around her was just one big blob.

all she could get out of the world anymore was cherry’s sweet voice beside her, talking about whatever was going on in her life.

“cherry?”

“yes?”

“you love me, right?”

“‘course.”

“you on my wrist yet, then?”

cherry stopped talking, and stopped breathing it seemed like at the question. she knew better than to lie to marcia about something like this, but didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

“don’t lie to me, now..” marcia said, shaking her head as her hands found their way to the sides of her own head in frustration.

“it’s just... i don’t know what’s going on.. maybe the universe is playin’ tricks or somethin’..” cherry tried to reason with marcia, she truly didn’t know what was going on.

“the universe playing tricks? that’s a joke if i ever heard one,” marcia scoffed, which left cherry rather upset. she had never talked like this before, but she decided not to mention it.

“it’s jus—”

“just what? you don’t love me, that’s what!” marcia raised her voice, which almost left cherry in tears at the sound. “you don’t love me! you obviously wanna be with one of those other girls! you don’t want me! you just pity me! well i don’t want your pity!” she shouted, obviously frustrated as her voice cracked at every word.

suddenly, her eyes shut tightly and that made cherry’s heart drop. “marcia!”

“oh calm it, it’s nothin’.” marcia said, her voice croaky as ever. she rolled onto her side so that her back was facing cherry.

cherry was relieved she didn’t just die on her but was still hurt by her words. she stood up and slipped into the bed, wrapping her arms around marcia’s waist.

marcia let out a sigh, she couldn’t stay mad at her much longer. she knew this, she never could stay mad at cherry. well, she never was mad at her in the first place.

“i’m sorry, sher. just frustrated is all,” marcia grumbled, her voice still sounded semi mad but cherry could tell her apology was sincere.

“don’t worry,” was all cherry said in response, planting a small kiss on marcia’s shoulder.

“i love you.” marcia said, she waited for cherry’s response but to no avail. it broke her heart, but she decided to just sleep it off. she’ll be better after some sleep.

“i love you too,” cherry admitted wholeheartedly. but marcia was already in dreamland by that time, so no one but cherry heard it.

if a tree falls in a forest when no one is around, does it really make a sound?

she was being truthful about it— well, she thought she was. cherry took a peek over marcia’s shoulder, to just see the blank wrist.

then it hit cherry. she was afraid of loving someone, and she afraid they were just going to leave her.

not marcia, though.

marcia would never leave me, is what cherry declared.

cherry woke marcia awake, “psst, marcia,” she whispered and just got a hum in response.

“i’m gonna go, okay? bye!” cherry told her in the same cheerful tone and stars yes to get out of the bed.

“not now... don’t say goodbye yet... maybe tomorrow...” marcia replied simply, grabbing cherry to stop her and dragging her back to her original position.

“alright, i’ll say goodbye tomorrow.” cherry agreed with a small smile, not knowing quite what she meant and she happily went to sleep next to marcia.

“like it was meant to be,”

it was the next day, after last night. and cherry had woke up, went back to her house and already walked back to marcia’s.

she walked up to marcia’s room, going to sit in her usual position in marcia’s room.

the chair next to the bed.

“hey mar, wake up.” she shook marcia awake, and even though it took a few times, she awoke eventually.

“oh hey, cherry,” marcia replied. her voice was even more raspy in the morning and cherry loved it. it was the only reason marcia spoke anymore, as speaking put marcia in even more pain but she never told cherry that.

they both sat there, talking about whatever (cherry done most of the talking). soon enough, cherry had pieces of toast and was feeding them to marcia.

“oh cherry, y’know that painting you started a few years back?” marcia recalled, waving her finger around for emphasis.

“yeah?” cherry said her words with a slight laugh, she found it hard to believe she could remember that but couldn’t even remember what she ate of lunch yesterday.

“what was that of?”

“oh just the clouds, y’know the one that we saw that one day? turns out it does look more like a dinosaur!” cherry exclaimed, clasping her hands together as all the pieces of toast were gone.

“told you i was always right,” marcia gave a small shrug as a playful grin was plastered on her face. “it’s a shame i never got to see it— your painting, i mean. i used to love your paintings, well i still do. i just love everything you do, to be honest. i just love you!”

cherry stayed silent at that, and instead her eyes darted towards marcia’s wrist which was still blank.

“my wrist is still bare, ain’t it?”

“how’d y’know i was looking at it?” cherry’s eyes widened and she sat back a little.

“could just tell,” marcia muttered, “listen, doll. don’t get too... hung up about it... i overreacted last night, it ain’t all that big of a deal.” marcia shifted around in her bed and laid down, as she started to cough, “just know... i... i love you... alright?” she told her in between coughs.

cherry started to panic, but kept it to herself, it wasn’t until marcia stopped responding to the calls of her name did cherry realise. wasn’t until cherry realised marcia was whiter than ever, her breaths stopping and her chest stopped rising did cherry realise.

she died.

marcia died.

marcia, as in cherry’s marcia, died.

she left.

just like the rest.

but no, she didn’t leave. she’s still here, just maybe not physically.

cherry’s chest tightened and her whole body followed, loud sobs was all that came from her as she sobbed over her girlfriend’s dead body.

marcia had died.

and she knew what she meant now by ‘say goodbye tomorrow’, she knew she was going to die.

marcia knew herself she was going to die imminently, but instead of telling anyone or getting help. she decided to spend her last few hours with her, cherry.

cherry didn’t know what to feel, and then it hit her.

marcia died thinking cherry didn’t love her.

thinking no one loved her.

all because of some stupid mark on the wrist.

“it’s stupid! it’s all so stu—” cherry started screaming by now, the tears rushing down her face but then something caught her eye.

cherry

stained right on the love her life’s wrist.

then it all made sense.

the feeling of true love was all too unfamiliar to cherry, and feeling like this when they left you was new to her.

she then realised, because she had been scared to love marcia incase she left her... now that she was gone, she had nothing to lose. she wasn’t scared, she had nothing to be scared of.

“i love you,” cherry confessed. this time, she really did mean it.

but one again, she was too late. no one... no one but herself heard it.

if a tree falls when no one else is around, does it make a sound?

she loved marcia.

but marcia would never know.

and never will know.

all because cherry valance was scared to love.

“when she loved me.”

#the outsiders #the outsiders cherry #cherry valance #the outsiders marcia #the outsiders headcanons #the outsiders imagines #the outsiders oneshot #marcia x cherry

21 notes · View notes

halo-jpeg · 3 years

Text

Bearable | A Reddie Fanfiction

Read it from the beginning

Chapter 5

Weak, cold, autumn light seeped in through drawn curtains, accompanied by the sporadic brrrrrringing of an alarm. The sound split the morning silence, tearing Eddie from his sleep, echoing through the entirety of the house more effectively than it was meant to. Eddie let out a groan, trying to reach out a hand and silence the mechanic screaming but just not being able to reach it- frustration sparked inside of his stomach for just a quick moment, and then someone else's hand came down onto the machine, cutting it off mid-ring.

"You set your alarm late," It was Stan, and, not really a surprise, he was already entirely prepared for the day, "Hurry and get up. I'll go make sure Bill is awake. Water is boiled on the stove and I made eggs, too." Stanley was dressed in a pair of bluejeans, as well as a knitted blue sweater he'd loved and worn for the last three years. His hair was styled into it's chaotic, curly perfection, swept gently to one side- he was smiling, a morning person, bright and ready for the day even though it was hardly 7:00 am. Eddie envied that constant 'ready-to-go' attitude Stan faced each new day with, when he- Eddie- had to will himself out of bed every time he opened his eyes.

"Thanks," He mumbled as Stan left the room, sitting up with a sigh and scrubbing his hands over his face to shake the sleep away. Eddie's jaws stretched wide in a yawn, and then he forced himself to abandon the comfortable warmth of his bed and crawl from under the covers. The air around him had a biting chill, the remaining after-effect of the rain that had been coming every now and again since Saturday, sending goosebumps breaking out over Eddie's skin as he made his way to his drawers, pulling open the topmost one to dig out a shirt. Settling on something simple enough, he pulled out a dark grey long-sleeved tee reading 'Back Pages' in bold white lettering and then 'Used Books and More' right underneath, in smaller print- Back Pages had been an- obviously- used bookstore from back in Derry, one of the only places his mother was actually moderately okay with him visiting. Along with the shirt Eddie pulled out brown pants and some miscellaneous belt, throwing the outfit together and running a comb quickly through his hair to tame the unruly bedhead.

"E-Eddie?" Bill's voice came from outside his door, probably in the kitchen, still thick with sleep, "Do you wuh-want tea? Coffee?" Eddie continued around his room, stumbling through the semi-darkness, shouting back his reply,

"Do you know where my chamomile is? Do we have honey?" Eddie grabbed his phone, head tilted towards the door as he waited for Bill's reply- at last, he heard something akin to an 'okay', but more of a grumble than that. With one last glance in the mirror and a silent 'you can do this, Eddie' that was meant to pep him up, he jammed his phone into his pocket and swiped his backpack from where it had been set by the vanity. Grabbing the doorknob and pulling the door right open, Eddie stepped out and hurried across the hall to the kitchen. "My tea?" He asked right away, his gaze darting between Stan, and then Bill, both seated at the small dining table in the far corner- a tall, open window sat behind them- the sky outside was dull and grey with the promise of yet more rain.

"Yeah," Stan nodded, motioning towards the counter right to Eddie's left, "It's poured and ready. Come eat, and hurry- I don't want to be late."

"We won't be late, Stan, w-we've got over an hour." Bill patted Stan's back as he reassured him, partially amused by the constant anxiety and worrying Stan never seemed to stop with- though, of course, that anxiety was pointed towards more realistic things, when Eddie's own anxiety was, in his opinion, stupid and trivial and downright annoying. Eddie poured honey into his chamomile tea, sliding the rest of the scrambled eggs onto a plate, and then took a seat at the table. "Wuh-what classes do you guys have? I have English all d-day. Lit-literature and then luh-languages."

"Biology first, and then Mathematics." Eddie's eyes brightened at Stan's words.

"I have math second, too! Thank fuck- I suck at that stuff," Just as Eddie was about to continue, saying something regarding Stan and Bill's natural ability to do almost anything right, his phone beeped in his pocket and he remembered that he hadn't turned it on a single time since last night. He was quick to pull it from it's place, looking at his newest message- his brows screwed together, and he caught the skin of his cheek between his teeth, racking his brain to see if he recognized the unknown number that had texted him.

"What's wrong with you? Are the eggs bad?" Stan tilted his head, leaning in his chair to try and glance over Eddie's shoulder to catch sight of the screen of his Nokia. Eddie held it just out of sight.

"Do either of you know this number?" Rapidly, Eddie read it out, and it didn't ring any bells in either other boys brain. Bill shrugged, Stan lost interest- they both returned to their breakfast as Eddie read over the message once more. All it said was,

What ur schedule look like, penne?

It didn't make any sense. Eddie texted back and then put the phone down on the table to dig into his own food.

Who is this?

The eggs were great, as usual- Stan was one hell of a cook even though he'd only ever learned from his own personal trial and error. A light conversation was picked up again, the first topic being that of the rain. Eddie barked out a few complaints about the grey weather, how he was afraid to catch a cold and wished he had a thicker jacket and maybe rain boots, or a car, actually, yes that would be ideal. Bill said he liked the rain, Stan said he was indifferent but was enjoying the weather for what it was. Through bites of food and sips of early-morning tea, the three finished up their eggs and tossed the dishes into the sink, ready to go any minute now. Before Eddie could slip into his shoes his phone beeped again and he was quick to swipe it up and look at the response.

Come on conchiglie! U rlly dont rmmber me?

Eddie scoffed, his brows knitting together once more. Through his sleep-haze he couldn't think of a single person he knew that he didn't already have in his contacts- at least, no one that would care about his schedule. He had a few aunts and uncles that he hardly saw but they wouldn't be messaging him now of all times, he didn't think. And what the fuck was 'conchiglie'? Eddie was clueless- Big Bill, one shoe on and the other in his hands, pulled up at Eddie's side in a silent request to be shown what was so odd. Without complaint other than a sigh, Eddie shifted the phone over, and Bill scanned the texts before letting out a bark of laughter and sharing an amused glance with Stan that seemed to communicate everything.

"Oh?" Stan said with a cheeky grin, realization donning itself on his face, pressing in on Eddie's other side to read the messages for himself, "He finally texted?"

"What?" Eddie tried to ask, but he was ignored as Bill said,

"What's with the pasta names?" Eddie was way more confused now. Again, he repeated his 'what?' and again he was ignored, "Penne? Conchiglie? I don't g-get it. What an i-idiot." Oh- just like that it clicked together and Eddie's jaw dropped open. Penne, conchiglie- pasta... spaghetti... Eddie Spaghettie- Eds- Eddie- Richie.

"No, no no no no- Which one of you gave him my fucking number? What the hell?" Eddie jammed his phone into his pocket, rounding on Bill and taking in the expression on his face- it was amused, sure, but Eddie could already read the tiniest lines of innocence forming in his features. The way Bill's gaze flickered for a tenth of a second towards Stan told Eddie everything that he needed to know. "Stanley Uris what did you do?" Eddie spun to Stan, hands on his hips, glowering upwards at the much, much taller boy. Despite forcing every ounce of intimidation into his words as he could, Stan was grinning from ear to ear, sinister and ultimately unthreatened- his eyes were bright as stars and gleaming with mischief. "You know I hate that guy! He's- He's- He's so annoying! He's loud and he's rude and he's- I can't believe you!"

"Edward," Stan said in an even, polished tone, redirecting his gaze to slip on his shoes, "One of these days in the near future you'll be thanking me for getting you out in the world," Bill let out a snicker, and Eddie jammed his elbow into his ribs, silencing him effectively, "You need friends who aren't just me and Bill. Richie, Ben, Beverly, Mike- they're nice people, and you need to get out of that shell of yours."

"Oh, you're on to talk!" Eddie crossed his arms, and then uncrossed them just after to put on his shoes in a huff, "You're ten billion times more shy than I am, Stanley. I'm just fine with only you two as my friends, I don't need other people- I mean, I went 19 years of my life with no one but you two! I survived Henry fucking Bowers with just you guys to keep me safe! I don't need other people in my life." Now, Bill was cutting in and the tension in the hallway to the front door spiked upwards. Eddie realized now that the entire topic of conversation was about to change for the worse- shit, he'd let his mouth run, and now he was going to be pitied. Eddie hated pity. It made him ill.

"E-Eds, you cu-can't go your entire life with o-only me and Stan. I mean," Bill chuckled, his eyebrows slanted sympathetically, "I know we're g-great and all, but your muh-mother has kept you from having healthy social t-ties for your whole life. It's healthy to have more than o-one or two friends." The mention of his mother sent a tidal wave of homesickness propelling right over Eddie's head- a bitter, frightening, nasty homesickness- and suddenly he felt like curling up underneath his covers and crying his eyes out, but he wouldn't. He balled his hands into fists, gritted his teeth together, and turned to the door. His bag was slung over his shoulder.

"Let's go." Eddie kept his head low and pulled the door open, pushing out into the hallway and going straight for the elevator without another word. Bill didn't want to let the topic drop just yet, but a nudge and a shake of the head from Stan was enough to get him to do just that- the shake of Stan's head said let him have this one, Big Bill. It's his first day of school. Give him a break. And so, the conversation was over, to hopefully be picked up again at a later date.

-----

Richie, earbuds in, King of Rock 'N' Roll playing at full volume, burst in a flurry from his music classroom and made a beeline for the stairwell at the end of the hall. Like some agile snake or cat, he dodged and weaved between other students as they poured from their own respective classes, determined to break out into the sunlight and share his contentedness with his friends.

"Tozier! Don't run in the halls!" Some teacher scolded him, but as Prefab Sprout continued jabbing away at his eardrums he didn't hear it- and he didn't really care to hear it either- he was too busy riding the high that the schools new set of drums had given him. Ever since Richie grew so involved with the rock genre and everything alike, he had wanted to learn to play the drums but had never been given the chance until today. Now, Mr. Carr had basically had to chase Richie from the class with a broom like he was some sort of radical street rat. With his big, goofy grin Richie sent himself flying down the stairs, taking them three at a time and not even wincing at the way his knees protested with every heavy landing. The doors to the outside were within his sights as soon as he touched down onto the first floor. Still pushing past other students, not even bothering with any courteous 'pardon me's' he was at them in an instant. In time with the thudding of the music, he shoved the doors open and went, quite literally, dancing and spinning out into the warming sunlight, which had just begun to peek through the clouds. From across the large expanse of concrete just outside the doors sat an emptying bike rack, and leaning against it he spotted more than the usual quantity of familiar faces.

"Top 'o tha afternoon to ye, Haystack, sor! An' Mr. O'Hanlon, awful good!" As Richie pulled out his earbuds, music so loud it was still audible even as they dropped to hand at his side, he took a dramatic double-take and let out a loud gasp, "Well, if it isn't so!" Now, Richie was the Southern Bell rather than the Irish Cop, and he was taking Bill's hands in his and fluttering his lashes through his thick-framed glasses, "Sir Bill, and your noble companions! What have I done to be graced with your presences, my fair gentlemen?"

"You know you'll ruin your eardrums listening to your music that loud, right? You can't fix Tinnitus- and if you go deaf you'll have hearing aids for the rest of your life." Eddie gripped the straps of his backpack, his eyes flickering down to Richie'e earbuds, which were dangling dangerously close to the dirty ground- much too close for comfort. Eddie almost shuddered.

"Aw, thanks for the concern Spaghetward!" Richie let go of Bill, moving for Eddie instead, and slung his arm enthusiastically over the shorter boys shoulders. In return, as if it were instinct, Eddie let out a sound like the croak of a frog and ducked away with a grimace.

"Don't call me that, jackass!" Out of the entire group, the only one who was observant enough to note the faint red tint on Eddie's face was Mike, and he wasn't going to call the poor boy out on it.

"I see you're all getting along swell, huh?" Richie's dark gaze shifted from Ben and Mike to Bill and Stan, and then, lastly, to Eddie, where they lingered for just a second longer.

"Stan and Eddie were in math with me," Ben says with his small, kind smile, "Stan is some sort of super-genius or something- Eddie, too. I don't get it." Without missing a beat, Eddie let out an exasperated sound, shaking his head furiously.

"No, no no, don't lob me in with Stanley. He's the super-genius, I just nod my head and act like I know what he's talking about." Stan was quick to decline.

"Oh, don't say that. You're getting it."

"Hey, Bev's in working at the cafe today- are you guys interested in stopping by with me, Rich and Ben?" The next one to speak was Mike, and his offer was met with a cacophony of different replies; Ben seemed content with the idea, his smile going wider at the thought; Bill was quick to agree, and Stan was much the same, though Eddie didn't see to thrilled. He let out a sound as if he was going to speak, but then he clamped his jaw shut, mouth a straight line, and bit his tongue. Richie himself was positively ecstatic. His already bubbly mood was only amplified by this suggestion, and his grin was so bright it could blind.

"Oh, you have to come! The sun is out for once, you can't go curl up in whatever cave you're renting. Whaddaya say?" Swinging his backpack off his shoulders, Richie pulled his walkman free and clicked the 'pause' button, then proceeded to, unceremoniously, jam both it and the earbuds in his bag once more.

"I'm down," Bill said, glancing at Stan, who nodded, and then at Eddie, who shrugged curtly and stared intently at the ground below his feet.

"Great!" Zipping his bag back up and throwing it onto his shoulders, Richie moved to lead the way, and before the group knew it they were off, headed for the campus' outskirts and following their trusty guide, Richie Tozier, towards Portland Authentic. The stroll was quaint, amiable- Stan hung near the back with Mike and Bill, pointing out the different types of birds they spotted on the walk. Richie had thought every bird here in Portland was just some old rock pigeon, but now he knew that there were actually mourning doves as well. Ben was at Richie's side, hands in his pockets, his neck craned so that his face was upturned towards the sunlight. Eddie was, though reluctant, to Richie's other side, desperately trying to tune out the bird talk behind him. His annoyance was evident, but there was also a subtle fondness in his soft, brown eyes that showed how much he cared for Stan and his passions.

"Does he talk about pigeons a lot? You seem peeved." Eddie almost jumped right out of his skin at Richie's sudden words, having been totally spaced out in his desperate attempts to disassociate. Awkwardly, he lifted a hand and scratched at the back of his neck.

"Oh, uh," Eddie's gaze darted over his shoulder towards Stan, and then to Richie, and then back at his shoes, his worn black Converse sneakers, "Yeah. He loves them, but... I don't know why. They kinda-" Eddie cut himself off with a shrug, his hand dropping to his side once more, "Kinda gross, don't you think? With their weird feathers and their gross feet? All of their, like, diseases and shit?" Richie's cheeks had begun to hurt from the stretch of his smile. Something today was just making him giddy. His chest was tight with unadulterated glee, and it felt like something was pushing around in his stomach, like butterflies. Eddie was so impossibly earnest. The affection in his gaze directed at Stanley was heartwarming, the exact same kind of best-friend love that Richie had with Bev, Ben and Mike. Despite Eddie being disgusted by birds he was clearly still glad that Stan had something to be so passionate about- cute.

"I dunno," Richie said, a tilt to his head, "I think birds are kind of cool. Especially magpies? Oh, God," Richie took a few steps ahead, and then spun on his heel to walk backwards, facing Eddie and talking animatedly with his hands, "If I had the chance I would have a pet magpie. They're so pretty- their feathers look all blue in the sunlight and stuff, and they get so fluffed out when they're pissed." Eddie looked dumbfounded, his brows furrowed, his jaw dropped- disgusted, that was the word for the expression he wore.

"Are you fucking kidding me? A magpie? Those stupid, nasty black birds with the white chest? Jesus, what's wrong with you?" Running a hand over his face, Eddie let out a huff- Richie's smile grew, somehow, if that was even possible, at the distress his words seemed to have caused in the smaller boy. Seeing him all worked up like this made that weird feeling in Richie's chest grow tenfold. Brushing that thought away, still walking backwards, he let Eddie continue. "They don't know how to shut up. Every Spring, ever Autumn- they would be screaming away at the crack of dawn. I could never catch a wink of sleep. My mommy used to fire at them with my dads old BB gun, but she never hit any of them."

"And thank fuck for that!" Richie scoffed, playful, "Those poor things don't deserve to be shot." Eddie countered with a quick 'yes they do', and then the bickering continued. Their back-and-forth, the lighthearted, heated-on-Eddie's-end banter felt perfectly natural. Richie would say some quip, some little thing about magpies that he found nice or cute or interesting, and then Eddie would come right back at him with why that was false. Richie probably should have been listening to these comebacks, but he found himself getting, more often than not, distracted by little things like the cinnamon-dusting of freckles across the bridge of Eddie's nose or the way his chocolate-toned hair was swept so tidily to one side, not a single hair out of place. Sooner or later, Portland Authentic had come into view, the glass windows showing through to the bustling interior. The after-school rush had just hit, and boy was Richie glad he had the day off today. As he pushed the door open, the bird conversation cut short, he noted exactly how busy it was. The line was huge, nearly reaching the entrance, and almost every single seat was taken except for one four-person table in the back corner.

"I'll get the table." Stan's tone was serious, his gaze determined, "Get me a-"

"B-Black coffee, yeah," Bill was smiling, waving Stan off with one hand. At once, with a final nod of affirmation, Stan sped away to secure the seats. Though Richie didn't say anything, he thought to himself how the hell can someone like black coffee? because there were so many other options, sweet drinks, savory, peppermint or rich chocolate- drinking straight black coffee as a regular was basically a sin in his eyes. Slow and steady, the line progressed, Bev behind the counter working with two other people named Britney and Mason. Richie wasn't too fond of them and honestly pitied poor Bev having to deal with them all alone. It had been a good two or three weeks since she's been stuck in a shift without Ben or Richie at her side. Finally the group of five arrived at the till and Beverly's face brightened like a Christmas tree.

"Rich! Ben! Mike, Bill, Eddie- Great to see you guys, my God, today has been absolute hell-" She seemed to notice she was getting sidetracked, and shook her head, frazzled, getting back into her working head space. "Sorry. What can I get you guys?"

"An affogato for me, my dear, and- Hey, Eds, do you like ice cream? Whatever- Get a second one for him, too. He needs to branch out a little." Eddie gaped, seconds from a retort as Richie ordered for him, but then Richie stepped aside and shot him a glance that was unusually sincere. "Hey, don't worry. It's another low-caffeine one, and it's more vanilla ice cream than anything else. You'll love it, I swear."

"Yeah, fine," Eddie set his jaw tight.

"One bl-black coffee and an amer-amer-am-" Bill bit his tongue, screwing his eyes shut, and then, with a sigh, forced out the words, "americano. Jesus." Bev gave him a calm smile, a silent 'it's alright, dude' and turned to Ben and Mike who ordered a coffee with two creams and two sugars and a lemonade. Richie offered to pay, abusing his employees discount, and then the group all turned to the table in the corner where Stan was still seated with a book in his hand. As the group approached he placed the small origami crane he used as a bookmark between the pages of The Shining and tucked the novel away- the front cover had been battered and frayed, a sign of having been read and reread for years and years. Clearly, the book was cherished.

"Great choice, Stanny," Richie complimented with a nod towards Stan's backpack, where the book had been hidden away, "You a fan of horror?" Stanley was quick to shake his head, hugging himself gently and running his hands along his upper arms.

"I hate it. Bill is making me read it. It's torture." Bill let out a barking laugh as he took his seat, having pulled up an extra chair from another table. Two people would have to squish into the corners since this spot was only meant to seat four- no one seemed to mind.

"So you're the horror fanatic, then. Glad to see we have something in common! What's your favourite movie?" Taking his own seat on Stan's other side, Richie held his head up with his hand, elbow planted on the tabletop, his curiosity officially piqued. Ben and Mike weren't fond of the gore-packed stuff Richie enjoyed, so Bev was the only one who ever went to the theater with him; the idea of having another friend to catch some films with was just swell.

"That's tough to suh-say," Bill tapped his finger against the table, glancing sidelong at Eddie, "We went to see H-Halloween a few years back. I luh-liked that one a lot, but now wh-whenever I see it I think of when your m-mom found out-"

"Shut up, Bill," Eddie cut him off with a harsh glare, and then forced his expression to soften, covering up his snappiness with a red face and a sarcastic, "D-Don't remind me." It was clear he was embarrassed- Richie would have pressed, since he couldn't keep his trashmouth shut sometimes (all the time), but Beverly saved the day by hurrying over with a tray balanced precariously on one hand. Atop that tray sat the array of beverages that the group of six had ordered. With Beverly's fantastic memory, she began to hand out cup after cup to exactly who had requested them; Ben got his double-double, Mike his lemonade, Bill his americano, Stan his black coffee (Beverly knew it was for him even though he hadn't been at the till- not many people ordered coffee black and she remembered him from that first night.). Richie and Eddie were given their double order of affogato, an Italian coffee-based dessert consisting of a scoop of vanilla ice cream and a shot of espresso on the side.

"Thanks, Bevvie," Richie bid her adieu with a two-fingered salute and then turned all of his attention towards Eddie, "Alright," he began, "Eds,"

"-Don't call me that-"

"-you're about to taste the best thing you've ever had in your life. Follow my lead," Richie plucked up the small one-ounce shot glass of espresso, and, reluctantly, Eddie did the same. In tandem, they poured the coffee over the ice cream, then grabbed their spoons. Eddie was the first to take a scoop, shooting Richie a glance that he couldn't decipher before taking the bite. For the quickest second his eyes seemed to light up, and then he swallowed down the obvious delight and simply shrugged his shoulders.

"It's alright, I guess," He grumbled, and then proceeded to devour the next bite of the treat. Richie grinned wide, taking a scoop of his own and lifting it into the air, accepting his victory.

"I would like to propose a toast!" He called, and all eyes turned to him, "To Stuttering Bill, Stan the Man, and Eddie Spaghetti- Welcome to the Losers Club!" With a cheer from nearly all- Eddie settling for a small smile- the group burst into friendly chatter. Richie's toast held some sort of unseen monumental weight- everyone felt it- even Beverly, who was behind the counter and working away, had paused to raise her water bottle with bright eyes. Though everyone felt it- it, being that feeling of rightness- no one said a word. It wasn't necessary. Richie, Ben, Beverly and Mike had been a quartet for a few years now, as thick as thieves- they had called themselves the 'Losers Club' and, until Eddie, Stan and Bill arrived, the four of them had been the only members. No one could be certain what had changed, but, just like that, all seven knew that they were a singular unit. It was no longer Richie, Ben, Beverly and Mike. Now, it was Richie, Ben, Beverly, Mike, Eddie, Bill and Stan. The Losers Club with a capital L and a capital C.

In a fleeting moment, Eddie caught Bill's gaze, and held it. The redhead was wearing his leadership smile, that easy-breezy full-face grin that so easily gained him respect. Once the two's eyes clicked, that smile shifted into something else, something softer, something that Bill reserved for Eddie. It was a brotherly smile- After all, Bill was the brother Eddie had never had. Bill was the rock, the island in the middle of the ocean, the one thing that never failed to keep Eddie sane, the solace in the storm that had been his mother, and was now the unfamiliar territory of Portland. In that smile was an unspoken promise, as well as something else. The promise was These people will keep you safe. The 'something else' was Bill's pride- his pride in Eddie. I'm proud of you, Eds, the smile said. You're doing great. For the first time in his life, Eddie was fearless. His own smile said Thank you.

#reddie #reddie fanfiction #richie tozier #edde kaspbrak #stan uris #stanley uris #bill denbrough #ben hanscom #beverly marsh #mike hanlon #the losers club #it #it movie #it chapter 1 #it chapter 2 #it 2017 #it 2019

5 notes · View notes

xllxxrbxg · 3 years

Text

so ayon nga hehe

so ayon nga mga marecakes hehe narrate ko na lang nangyari today.

so i was like chilling today right im all set for school because i did my homeworks naman days before it was needed so i was like, "aight lets get this shit today". tapos karlo message me he wanted cuddles eh i was like hMMM... we just made out the other day eh and its like tuesday palang today !! i told him nalang na make it happen, not rlly thinking he would make it happen. but this mf took it as a challenge and actually made it happen.

before all that tho i was badtrip because ha made a very uncalled for rape joke and it fucked me up in the head, plus the fact na im being taken to someplace unfamiliar. i was very tensed the whole ride there. anw he didnt get the hint na it was THAT awful to me, but its aight we resolvedt it already. i'll keep a tab on this tho. for me that was a red flag.

anyways we made out in this tambayan place their family owns. basically it has a large parking lot and across that space was this little studio type housie house. the place had a large ass gate, wasnt really paying attention to what he was saying about the place because i was still tensed with the bad joke he made. anyways we went in and it was a very nice place. outside the house, it wasnt that obvious, but when you go in, it legit looked like one of those sala sets in malls with the note "thank you for not sitting" typa shit. so yeah it was nice it had same vibes with vista mall maybe because of the ceiling yellow scattered lights and of the fresh ass furniture and the whole place itself. it was a pretty decent size, not too big not too small for at least two people to share in the long run. it also had this aircon i always wanted the expensive ones u see in 5 stars. anyways it was quickly cold. there was also the bathroom that had a shower, then theres this chair where you pull a button and a foot rest will pop up lmfao. there were also two other sofa charis by the window. the window was the type then you push back up, not much windows tbh. but thats aight and reasonable since it has an aircon. i was tensed at first when the room was opened. it was obviously recently used idk maybe by his relative. WAS TENSED BRO same feeling when you enter an empty room newly unlocked by your teacher. THAT. that typa anxiety. anyways eventually joined him to sit by the small bed. was pretty much good for one big ass person to comfortably lie on, but fitted both of us nicely. didn't really bottom at that sesh so i don't really remember if the bed was uratex when weight is applied on me but it probably is AHSHDHASHDHSAHDSAHAH ok mej funny yun goiz liek- HAHA ok serious na nga hmpz. we cuddled first before doing nasty stuff. it was nice. i'd exchange all those laplapan just to wholesomely cuddle in peace and probably have a great nap together. i like the feeling the warm feeling. it was nice. yes. anyways,, yeah it was nice. cant stop talking about how nice it was because it was nice. heck... it was so nice. it was so heart heart. idc about my coochie getting rubbed, CUDDLE ME BITCH. anyways we started kissing and the rest is historyYYYYYY. jk. basically the make out routine starts with cuddling then kissing then he touches me until it reacher the forbidden softie softie, main bec he likes hearing my sexy ass moan. even before in tinder when i vm my boytoys for the first time the first thing they say my voice is smexy. cant blame them i agree. even when im alone and i randomly fake moan gat dam bro i get turned on too LMFAO. so yeah i moaned bec it was music to his ears and turned him on big time. was ngl kinda steamy when we breathe in each others mouth thats one of my favorite parts of it and also when i suck on his tongue. or also when i moan into his mouth. yep. also when he cusses it means im doing a great job. hehe. nice stuff ryt there. we pause sometimes to rest, then go aead again. i got many rounds that day. we did same stuff on the bed several times. then he pulled me so i'd be on top. im such a great top bro he aint know hoe to topppp. then was cuddling on top of him and then accidentally (wink wink) grinded on his rock solid stuff. he was turned on sabi nya shit anuyon sabi ka ah ayaw mo ok BUT THEN he was like gusto ko. tnagina pabebe yarn. anw i started kissing then grinding and he was cussing bec im so good at it. later my pants were off and later his shorts too. so we were underwear-away from grinding on directly. was nice got me tiredt. THEN HAHAH i saw this 5 peso coin by the bed and i was like eto yung token sa rides AHSDHASHDASHDHA WOF YAN TEH? tangina tawang tawa sya gago ang funny ko tlg san ka makakakuha ng kallapan na funny. tas nilagay ko sa gilid nya singko started grinding again. bet u he was grinding too. AND IT WAS SO HARD IT LOWKEY HURT TO GRIND ON. GEEZAS. so basically the whole bed was shaking. and i did my deed as a good girl to keep the music on (aka moaning) because there was no music. felt like

asmr. boring af. unlike when we make out sa car, theres always music. i like making out on the white chev instead of the fortuner BECAUSE THE FORTUNERS WINDOWS AIN TINTED what in the world was i thinking making out inside an untinted car INSIDE A PARK WHERE THERE ARE LOTSA PPL PASSING BY. anyways back to the bed, we paused, cuddled. then i was badtrip again for some reason so i got up to get dressed but we eventually made out again on the sofa hehe. legs spread again bec he liked touching there so i let him. then eventually was begging me to allow him to eat me out but i was like BROOOO NOOOO you gon taste it and it be not groomed yet in anyway but he was alr there begging looool he looked so adorbs but NOOO. i asked wala ka man benefit jan, sabi nya ikaw meron. tas sabi ko why do u wanna do it, he said he wasnted to satify me liek HNGGGGGG ok i would let you but it really not be groomed oakay NEXT TIME for sure. AND HECK the lights were on. it was daylight and the lights were on like hasdhahsdhashdas it feels liek im being eaten out at the home decor station at vista mall U GUYZ. anyways ayon. after non i think he tried carrying me for some reason. and i knew he found me heavy lols. but yeah i was a cute little moment he carried me around the room pretending its a mall and he's touring me and shit, "to your left, is the sala set, to your right is the flat screen tv..." things like that HAHAHA funny cute moment. anw later on we found ourselves sitting on the little bed again i was on top of him. he didnt want to lay down bec he alrady made the bed lol so we started grinding again sitting, me on top doing my best !! giving my all !! bec he also had a finger down there as i grinded on his stuff so it basically felt like a direct grind lols. anyways was nice. then later on we made out standing up. was kinda hard because he was 7 inches taller. OH AKALA NYO TITE SIZE YUNG 7 INCHES NOH. hinde. so ayon we were making out and he was shy to ask for a deep throat HAHSDHAHDHAS HECK NAW BITCH U TOLD ME A RAPE JOKE. so this is the part where i get revenge. he was standing there, and i was teasing him. was acting clueless, but he hinted he wanted his belt off so i took it off. was honestly confused with the belt. lol. anw i got to remove it and said, so ano next? playfully hhehhehehe. anyways ayon nga eventually me teased him everrr soooo slowly his dick went from solid-jelly-solid-jelly. LMFAO omfg will i cause him illness? omg. anwwww ayon. later on i removed his shorts as he asked. then i stepped aaway from him across the room because he was doing the shy type hands while hsis shorts was by his foot. and i LOL'd at him for a good few minutes just clapping my hands out of entertainment HAHSDHAHSDAS. then he asked me to put my hands inside, did it slowly and i told him to smile ka nga muna. AND HA THE MF WAS SHAKING. LOL. my fucking powerrrrrrr. anyways later on i was teasing out the underwear, then later i got my hands in again and then touchedt the dick *YAY* finally we got there!! anw it was only for a few secs and i told him its over HAHAHA. then i put his shorts back up again, but subtly teasing that i would suck. bec the shorts were by his ankles so i had to kneel. did i suck? no. did i make sure he thought i was? YES BITCH. and then he lay down fretting because i didnt suck his dick and then while was laying down i opened his shorts again to pretend that his dick was a computer mouse and told him "lets play solitaire, o kaya counterstrike or maybe purble place. gawa ng cake hehe" lmfao mfer be cry laughing because he dont know what to do bec he was teased. so ayon we ended that way and i thought he was bad trip bec of what i did. but he assured me na di naman like dapat lang duh. anyways ayon hehe.

uwi na kami after nakauwi ako 1. andon kami 10. hehe. hinatid nya man me pauwi. tho yung byahe pauwi di pa kami nakakalayo sa place he pulled over so i was confused bec there were no big vehicles incoming but to my surpris he started kissimg me again lol bro deins ka ba nasasawa. anw yon. was nice naman. making out with a guy from a rich fam is nice bec yall dont need to pay to rent in motels lol but still has pressure, bec if we end on a bad note, i swear most of the blgs here are engineered by his relatives. thats how prominent they are. the place we went to is owned by his uncle, who works at legazpi rn thats why the place was vacant. theyre making a mall i think idk. so thats why his uncle is making another like that na place dun. so he has somewhere to stay. like what in the wealth... its crazy how people have money. and for sure even if the place we stayed in was small, it costs millions fr. anyways ayun yung promised detailed chika ko. hehe ciao. mej pokpok nga me pero look at me suffering the consequences, may sipon na ako aside sa ubo because he had mild sipon. now my sipon is malala compared to his, and he alr is recoveredt tangina unfair. but yesterday he insisted to see me to drop off some meds and he hugeed me and cried. because i asked for a time out the night before. bec i was having a hard time. he allowed it but over thinkedt it so yeah he cried while hugging me tight in the car. and kept on saying sorry mainly bec of the sipon thing. but it was, i felt, directed to the other stuff he had disappointed me with. anyways before that sabi nya ok lang ba sayo mag punta munang emall may bibilhin lang, sabi ko naur im sick. it was bec he wanted to buy me gummy worms lol. cute. u shoulda bought them before going to me, mofo. jk. loveee u penggg.

0 notes

the--gay-agenda · 5 years

Text

my platonic gf made me do this (even tho she’s not on tumblr rn)

1. What is you middle name? - San Roque

2. How old are you? - 16

3. When is your birthday? - November 11, 2002

4. What is your zodiac sign? - Sun: Scorpio Moon: Aquarius

5. What is your favorite color? - Dark colors in general (mostly maroon, blue and monochrome)

6. What’s your lucky number? - 11 or 13

7. Do you have any pets? - 3 dogs (but i rlly take care of 1)

8. Where are you from? - Philippines, Metro Manila

9. How tall are you? - 5’5” and a half

10. What shoe size are you? - I think 9-10 (???)

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? - 3 (4 if u include my school shoes)

12. What was your last dream about? - I was in school and we were peforming for a rlly big event (it was shitty)

13. What talents do you have? - I can play the guitar, barely sing, sorta dance, and some chinese

14. Are you psychic in any way? - When it comes to my sister, and some romantic situations irl, and i can predict scenes from movies i havent seen

15. Favorite song? oh god that’s hard, the soundtracks for both heathers and six, every song in my g a y playlist in spotify (king princess, joji, billie eilish, rizha, etc.)

16. Favorite movie? - The girl king (despite the annoying power dynamic0 and heathers (despite the cringe) and almost every marvel movie

17. Who would be your ideal partner? - @alexconfusion if u weren’t such a fuqing baby (fyi, @alexgoestosleep i wont steal them from u, they’re just sorta my ideal type)

18. Do you want children? - Like one or two (girls preferably)

19. Do you want a church wedding? - Hell nah (but ill be fine either way)

20. Are you religious? - Sorta (raised a catholic, but my faith waivers)

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? - Nope just visited folks

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? - nah

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? - Regine velasquez at snr once

24. Baths or showers? - showers

25. What color socks are you wearing? - Im not wearin socks rn, but if i were, grey

26. Have you ever been famous? - Does having 392 followers in tumblr consider being famous??

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? - Yes and no

28. What type of music do you like? - Smth with guitars, maybe even synth-pop or smth. and some classical shit

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? - Nope, and never will

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? - 2, 3 if im with my bro

31. What position do you usually sleep in? - On either side with a pillow to hug

32. How big is your house? - Just 1 floor, a small backyard, and a front porch (i think idk filipino houses are hard to explain)

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? - Coffee and bread, instant noodles if i feel like it

34. Have you ever fired a gun? - Do airsoft guns count?

35. Have you ever tried archery? - Nah, but id love to

36. Favorite clean word? - boop

37. Favorite swear word? - shit, fuck,cunt, bitch, faggot (i call my friend like that never as an offense its just our thing)

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? - 36 hours or maybe even 48

39. Do you have any scars? -A scar on my right arm cuz of a vaccine

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? - Sorta, but he was a guy and a creep and a bitch so...

41. Are you a good liar? - sorta

42. Are you a good judge of character? - Maybe idk

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? - I have a very bad butchered british accent that sounds like im crunching in some scottish or smth

44. Do you have a strong accent? - Not that i know of

45. What is your favorite accent? - British and australian

46. What is your personality type? - Resting bitch face, quiet but a rlly good friend (apparently) im sorta clingy and hyper sometimes

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? - I think my prom dress, other than that, my giordano long sleeves

48. Can you curl your tongue? - sorta

49. Are you an innie or an outie? - innie

50. Left or right handed? - left

51. Are you scared of spiders? - As long as they’re small im good, i fear the big ones

52. Favorite food? - Japanese food, some korean food, pasta, ribs, and sisig

53. Favorite foreign food? - ^ (except for sisig)

54. Are you a clean or messy person? - An organized mess

55. Most used phrased? - Is it gay?

56. Most used word? - gay

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? - 20-30 mins, i try to prepare everything the day before

58. Do you have much of an ego? - Idk, i think not

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? - suck

60. Do you talk to yourself? - Yes, too many fucking times

61. Do you sing to yourself? - In the shower its great 10/10 would recommend

62. Are you a good singer? - Sorta?? Depends on the style of the song

63. Biggest Fear? - Socializing online idk lmao

64. Are you a gossip? - Depends on who im gossiping with, but not too much lol

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? - Idk, none of them are rlly great

66. Do you like long or short hair? - short

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? - Binch no, i aint american

68. Favorite school subject? - Social studies

69. Extrovert or Introvert? - Introvert but im a bit of both sorta

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? - no

71. What makes you nervous? - people

72. Are you scared of the dark? - nope

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? - Yes, especially when it comes to talking in english, im a grammar nazi

74. Are you ticklish? - yes,Stomach, sides, neck, feet, and certain parts on my back

75. Have you ever started a rumor? - nope

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? - I was the secretary of my class last year, and ive been the leader for our thesis

77. Have you ever drank underage? - Does wine count? (only during new year tho)

78. Have you ever done drugs? - nope

79. Who was your first real crush? - I honestly dont know, but i think it was this one girl named Renee (nuffsaid)

80. How many piercings do you have? - Before one for each ear, i lost them now so none

81. Can you roll your Rs? - If i need to, like if its a spanish name or smth

82. How fast can you type? - Idk,

83. How fast can you run? - Sorta fast thanks to my legs, but my stamina is hella short so not long

84. What color is your hair? - A mix of brown and sorta like bronze (this one particular part of my hair especially)

85. What color is your eyes? - brown

86. What are you allergic to? - none

87. Do you keep a journal? - Im starting to rn

88. What do your parents do? - Both of them have their own businesses

89. Do you like your age? - Yea i guess, unless my parents start comparing my maturity with my age

90. What makes you angry? --A lot of things (im moody), esp. When my sis starts judging what i like

91. Do you like your own name? -Sorta, i mean a lot of ppl mispronounce my name and make fun of it when u add my last name to it

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? - honestly idk, but i plan to name them with confusing names (or not idk)

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? - Both girls

94. What are you strengths? - Maybe that i’m honest esp when def needed, i have this motherly side (sorta), i know a lot of shit

95. What are your weaknesses? - Im clingy, im socially awkward, im easily demotivated, idk how emotions work

96. How did you get your name? - There was a joke that my mom thought i was gonna be a boy so they named me jonathan, but since i was a girl and jonathan tan was gonna be redundant, they added mae as my second name, removed the -than and now its J**** Mae Tan

97. Were your ancestors royalty? - Not that i know of, but one of my ancestors was an important figure in the revolution in my country so.... yea

98. Do you have any scars? - On my right arm cuz of a vaccine

99. Color of your bedspread? - I share a bed with my siblings (sadly) but rn its blue

100. Color of your room? - With my siblings, eggshell white or smth, but i wanted the color sky blue once i get my own room

#not heathers related #shitposting #ask meme #my shoulder hurts

4 notes · View notes

zuxnon · 5 years

Text

CEO SVT | Seungkwan - Incompatible

authors note: i know everyone who knows me already KNOWS this BuuuuTTTT i wanna warn yall,,, absolutely a whole ass 0% percent proofreading went into this and since it took me so long to write it i dont know if its coherent,... does it make sense FHGSDUJKA ill find out at some point but yknow~ nshfksghk i am SORRY its also rlly short rip

summary: anyone would’ve said you were incompatible, even seungkwan himself. but he was interesting, he was real, he was sassy and entertaining, and he was drop dead gorgeous. therefore, you didn’t care what any of them had to say. you would pursue him until you got bored of doing so. that was just who you were.

boo seungkwan hated the elevator ride down from his apartment every morning. not because he was tired, because it was six in the morning and he wanted to sleep in. not because he hated the elevator- nothing that simple. it was his luck. his horrible, damned awful luck. it was never good- for some goddamned reason every morning, that horrible downstairs neighbor took it upon herself to wake whenever he did, leave whenever he did, and confront him about his day or night, telling him she heard him up at 3am getting a glass of water and he should learn to walk quieter. he made the mistake of bringing a girl home once, when he was insanely drunk and horny, and god had he heard it from her that next morning. it wasn't as if she was silent either. it definitely wasn't as if she hadn't had her fair share of rather loud one night stands- but arguing with her was of no use and he found it a hassle to talk to her in the first place, so he rarely complained.

he tried putting earbuds in one morning, tried to block her out, but she plucked one from his ear and turned him to face her. he tried ignoring her, but no matter where he turned she would always follow, standing right in his face and talking louder so he couldn't possibly pretend she wasn't screaming in his ear. when he got home late from helping seokmin clean up the aftermath of the party, he knew he'd be getting an earful in the morning. why did she have to be such a damn light sleeper?

sure enough, he had the same thought when the elevator stopped at her floor on the way down. and sure enough, when the elevator doors opened, she was the only one waiting. her eyes were shielded by sunglasses, a mask covering her mouth and nose, a bright, sunflower colored windbreaker and black yoga pants clothing her body. the jacket was zipped all the way up and the hood was hiding her dyed red hair. she usually looked like this in the mornings, sometmes prettier, sometimes less pretty, but usually well hidden. at least, until she stepped in the elevator. as soon as she stepped foot in the elevator, she pulled the mask down. the hood was tugged off her head and the sunglasses pushed upwards to rest on her hair. her arms crossed over her chest- she looked like she was ready for a showdown.

seungkwan didn't waste time pretending, he immediately let his head roll back, dropping against the wall of the elevator and groaned in exasperation. she felt her heart beat faster, nerves and frustration rushing through her. it was his fault, anyways. why did he act so angry? why didn't he just like her in the first place?

"why were you out so late last night?" she barked, puffing her chest out and pointing her nose up as she went to stand beside him. from an outside perspective it would've looked almost comical, the way she stood as if a pole had pierced all the way up through her, contrasting the way he leaned against the wall like he wanted to sink back into it. the difference between the long, fashionable dark blue coat and dark jeans and burnt orange sweater he wore and the workout clothes she wore. the way both of them refused to look at each other, bodies facing straight ahead but they stood so close that if she swayed even slightly to the side her shoulder would brush against his arm.

"it's none of your business."

she scowled, her arms visibly tightening. "it's automatically my business when your carelessness is interrupting my sleep. if i don't sleep well, my skin doesn't glow like it should. i gain weight. i get dark circles and red eyes. i can't afford to lose sleep every time you stay out getting drunk somewhere." she grumbled, leaning slightly sideways to elbow him in the side.

he shot her a glare from the corner of his eyes, trying to squeeze himself tighter into the corner, further away from her. alas, it didn't work. thankfully, though, they were nearing the bottom floor by then.

"invest in some earplugs." he hissed, carefully maneuvering himself further away from her, closer to the doors. "then you won't hear me."

he could practically hear the wheels in her head turning, the steam coming out of her ears as she dropped her arms, both fists clenched at her sides and her lips parted in furious thought.

"why should i have to-" she was cut off by the ding of the elevator, the squeak of the doors opening and seungkwan's footsteps as he hurriedly escaped before she could explode.

for about half of the day, work was particularly slow. your angry manager shouting at everyone who came near as you looked through offers for your next show or movie- whatever you thought she could play best. a victim in a horror film. a low-budget rom-com missing a plot. a romance/mystery show. there was even offer for you to be in a thriller film with a warning of multiple graphic sex scenes. they were crazy if they thought you'd accept that. you hardly liked scary films anyways. your 'no' pile was stacking up, your 'yes' pile was nonexistent and your maybe pile was thin. only the mystery and a superhero movie. as much as you would love to see yourself playing a superhero, as proud as you would be, you didn't know if you could handle the strain it would put on your body. sure, you would consider it, though. there were far too many offers to go through, you were starting to get tired of it. you were sore from sitting in the uncomfortable chair in that stuffy office all day, hungry from not eating lunch, you had three different papercuts on your hands from flipping through so many envelopes.

you were so, so close to giving up, fingers twitching with a desire to throw the whole pile and storm out. maybe you would have, had the sky-blue of the pretty letter next in your hands not caught your attention. a name that sounded vaguely familiar. boo broadcasting. (forgive me i cant name things for shit) you thumbed at the corners for a few moments, trying to think of where you'd heard it before, why it seemed more familiar than just the company. trying to find the bell the name had rung in your mind. after a few moments, instead of giving in and ignoring the question in your mind, you decided to pull out your phone and look it up. to your surprise, your most pleasant surprise, the first face you see is that of your upstairs neighbor.

'CEO of Boo Broadcasting, Boo Seungkwan seen leaving unknown woman's apartment late at night.' it read, with a blurry, dark picture of the the boy, with his recently dyed blue hair and his trademark long, dark coats, slipping out of an apartment you didn't recognize. curiously, you decided to click it, setting the letter down in your lap as you quickly scrolled to the bottom. you didn't bother reading the article, only the comments. oftentimes, those were more accurate than the dramatic, disgusting articles written by slimy, slithering liars. she had seen too many kind people be taken down by the words they shamelessly spoke.

'the woman in the picture is his mother. she was in the pictures for his graduation.' 'that's his mom, how can you post such blatant lies? really shameless' that was all she needed to see. the comparison pictures in the first comment proved it to her. good. less competition, right?

she let her phone fall back in her lap, one hand grabbing the envelope and tearing the side open to pull the letter out and read it. a variety show with various a-list celebrities- and a special guest. the handsome ceo of the company broadcasting the show as none other than the host.

somewhat of a roleplay show, it seems, where you'll be surprised with the theme of each episode you film, pick a role from a hat and act it as well as you can. you should be filming for just over a month. it sounded perfect- like exactly something you'd enjoy working on. sounded like a perfect chance to hopefully seduce your upstairs neighbor at the same time as you worked. entertaining in more than one way. so, with a smile on your face, you brought it to your manager.

lots of nagging and purposeless early morning elevator rides later, your awakening at 5 in the morning had a real reason- not that you didn't consider nagging your upstairs neighbor a real reason. if you didn't, you likely wouldn't be in the elevator at 5 every morning just to talk to him. to your surprise, he wasn't dressed up when you entered the elevator- didn't groan or bother to even look at you. he kept his eyes closed, head back as he leaned against the elevator wall. you walked over beside him in silence, stood for a few sweet seconds wordlessly before you tilted your head slightly to the side, posture slouched as your eyes trailed over to his makeup-less face. there were a few small blemishes, his skin was a tiny bit more red than you would expect, but he looked... pretty. beautiful maybe, without makeup on. you lolled your head and stared up at the ceiling instead.

"you were quiet last night... what got into you? didn't wake me up once."

he sent you a quick glance from the corner of his eye, but didn't say anything in response. his eyes didn't even linger on you- they quickly turned back to the elevator ceiling and closed, his body relaxing against the wall.

you pouted to yourself, bit your lip for a moment before turning to face him again.

"where are you going today?"

this time he completely ignored you, didnt even give you a look. that was fine, you could think of something else to attract his attention if need be. it took you a few seconds to think, a few sweet seconds that he enjoyed like nothing else that morning, but soon enough (or, rather, too soon,) you were granted with an idea. a genius idea, for more than one reason. the main being that if he said yes, you wouldn't have to wait for your manager to drive down here and get you in an hour.

"can i ride with you?" you asked, grinning to yourself in pride at your own genius. should he choose not to allow you, it would be a fault of his own. what harm did you ever do to him anyways?

"you already are," came a low, deep voiced grumble from the corner of the elevator. "you do every morning."

bouncing happily on the balls of your heels, you move over to stand in front of him and look up towards him, arms crossed over your chest casually. "no, i mean in your car. can you drive me? we're going to the same place and i can't drive." you explain, and instantly, as soon as the word 'car' slips out of your mouth his head snaps down, eyes scanning yours as if to see if you were kidding. you weren't. that didn't take him long to realize.

"what do you mean, 'we're going to the same place'?" he asked, looking surprised- maybe even afraid. of course, he had no reason to be afraid, he was the CEO of not only the company broadcasting company, but the company which was literally producing the show. if he very well wanted to, he could absolutely get you kicked off the show. so you knew you had to be on your best behavior. the elevator bell dinged a few times, signaling that you would soon be coming to a stop in the lobby. he slipped around you to stand by the door, you turning on your heels to follow him, stand shoulder to shoulder against him, both staring at the silver doors.

"we're filming together." you state matter-of-factly, smiling in triumph as you fought to hide the smugness in your tone. of course, you knew there was a 50-50 chance that he'd tell the producers that like hell would he work with you, but still this was closer to him than you'd been before. the door slid open, and for once he waited for you to get out first. he seemed a bit sulky when you turned to glance at him, watch him walk out after you, but he followed anyways, soon stepping ahead to lead, you assumed, you to his car, as he occasionally glanced to make sure you were following.

"they didn't tell me any of the people i'd be filming with, it was supposed to be a surprise i guess so i wouldn't go into it with a bias." he shot a glare at you from the corner of his pretty brown eyes, and you smiled in return. "glad i got a warning."

it was hard to stifle the giggle pulling at your lips at his grumbled words, quite obviously not intended for you to hear but you heard anyways. he was adorable. whether he hated you or not, he was so cute, you loved talking to him. and, if it came down to it, listening to him insult you. he was funny. quirky. adorable, and rather entertaining. you liked how he spoke his mind.

"so can i ride with you, sir?" you asked, practically bouncing happily as he led you into the private parking garage, unlocked his car (clicked twice, ensuring all doors would be unlocked, you noticed) and turned to glance at you. he sighed.

"don't call me that... get in."

#CEO SVT #CEO seungkwan

8 notes · View notes

karak9 · 5 years

Text

Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

#Trans #nonbinary #nb #genderqueer #gender questioning #transmed #pls help me lmao I hate my brain sm #also im so sorry if this post is scuffed af #im on mobile #its 4 am I cba

4 notes · View notes

conspiraships · 6 years

Note

🌹 SRY I CANT THINK OF A F/O

🌹 - Beauty and the Beast AU

was originally gonna write Gale/Andy but then i remembered stupit bitch Krycek exists and that’s what’s gonna happen. ill write Gale/Andy l8r … but for now… Mercy/Krycek … this is rlly long … oopsie (4,962 words)

“there’s a monster in the woods, Alex” his mother used to say. “it lurks, waiting for disobedient little boys who won’t go to bed on time”

“like, it’s just sitting in the woods, waiting?”

“oh for fucks sake, Alex. just go to bed please. im begging you.”

“i want milk”

“fine”

of course no one believes the stories about the monster in the woods. it’s just because their town is surrounded by thick, tight woods with very few paths in and out of it. but there’s nothing but wolves, moose, wild animals living there. it’s dark, deep, unwelcoming, but there’s no monsters.

and even when his mother went missing when he was 13, Alexei Krycek refused to believe it was anything like a monster. her horse went missing too, and he knew for a fact that it meant the wolves got them. (that didn’t ease the hurt. his mother was gone, and he was only 13. he didn’t know how to live without her at 13. but it wasnt a monster in the woods who took her from him.)

he still doesnt believe in monsters even when the Man Who Smokes Too Much takes him in, and the Man Who Smokes Too Much’s eldest son is absolutely CONVINCED that there ARE monsters in the woods who WILL come for everyone in the town unless they’re all very kind to nature.

Alex finds a reprieve in Jeffrey, the youngest Spender son. they grow close, and when the Man Who Smokes Too Much dies, Jeffrey and Alex are the ones who start to find work while Fox spends his time buried in books, studying, and reading about the mind and mythical

“Jeffrey you can’t go now,” Fox says one day. they’re all well into their twenties and Fox can’t hold a job he likes because everyone knows him as the boy with his nose in his books, the boy who used to leave out picnic baskets for the Monsters even though there was a food shortage.

“Fox.” Jeffrey and Alex say it in the same tone and Fox grins at them both but he sobers up when Jeffrey keeps packing. “i have to go,” Jeffrey says. “if i dont, we could lose the house. and out of all of us, Fox, you need this house the most”

“Jeffrey … there have been several cases of missing persons between us and-”

“if they arent traveling right, they are going to attract wolves,” Alex says. “we learned that from your father.”

“i’m still pretty sure the monster in the woods took him,” Fox says disdainfully

“grow up,” says Jeffrey. “you want me to bring back anything specific from the city?”

“actually,” Fox says before Alex can say anything, “remember those roses he brought us…”

“the day your mother died?” Jeffrey and Fox exchange a sad smile and Alex is reminded that he doesnt fit in with them. hes not part of them. he’s not a Spender or a Mulder. he’s a Krycek. his father never smoked more than enough for three people and his mother used to tell him fairy tales that would make Fox explode with happiness.

Jeffrey leaves, and Fox goes back to psychoanalyzing everyone in the town and keeping up with as many detective cases as he can. Alex works.

Alex works, and works, and works until Jeffrey doesn’t come home. it’s not the monster, he tells himself as he packs up supplies to go search for Jeffrey (or, more realistically, his body and his horse probably half eaten by wolves). the monster was a bedtime story for everyone in the town. (Fox disagreed, and gave him a spray bottle of something that smelled of lemon and onions to ‘keep the monster away’)

Alex takes his horse to go look for Jeffrey. halfway between Foxhunt and the city, he finds Jeffrey’s horse with her reins snagged on a tree. she makes a break for it as soon as Alex sets her free, but he has hope. maybe Jeffrey is alive after all. he follows a small broken path next to the tree he found Jeffrey’s horse trapped on, but the deeper into the woods he goes, the darker and colder it gets.

wolves howl. but he knows its wolves, and not monsters.

“God dammit Fox,” Alex snarls, directing his horse down the path, toward the wolf howls.

when he breaks into a clearing, his lips are blue. but in the clearing is… not a house, but a mansion. it’s not even close to being a castle, but it’s too large to be a simple house. no lights are on but the door is open. if anything, it’s a place to warm up if it’s abandoned

(it’s not. and Alex hates himself for a while after he walks in there. he finds Jeffrey, gets him out, but gets knocked out before he can join Jeffrey. he hates himself when he wakes up in a room lushly decorated. silk curtains, a thick plush carpet, soft cotton sheets and an ornate comforter. he hates himself for enjoying the rest for once, not having to share a room with Jeffrey, sleeping on a twin bed that’s too old and uncomfortable. he hates himself)

Mercy is irritated.

not one, but two people have invaded their home in the last 48 hours. they let the first one, Jeffrey, go. but Alex? he actually came into their house. he didn’t rob their garden, that they can forgive. they’re roses. their mother loved roses, and their mother probably would have forgiven someone for taking her roses after a few days. but Alex… Alexei… he walked into their home without permission. they don’t like that very much at all.

“you should really let him go…”

“Monica,” Mercy warns.

“it’s going a bit far,” says Monica. “maybe just… i dont know, make him pay you or something? but locking him up?”

“i gave him Mom’s room. the door doesn’t lock, so he’s not exactly a prisoner.”

“if he feels like one, it’s the same thing,” John points out.

“I hate both of you please get the fuck out of my living room.”

they don’t raise their voice, but the cutting glare they send them and the way they bare their teeth, fangs glinting in the firelight, send John and Monica from the room. Mercy pretends they can’t hear their whispering and heads upstairs to deal with their… Guest

he screams when they walk in, and Mercy can’t help but look over themself. they hven’t looked in a mirror in years (Monica covered them up long ago) but Monica brushes their hair. and their fur. and makes them take baths regularly. but they are wearing some of John’s clothing. maybe that’s what’s alarming.

“what the FUCK are you?!” Alex shouts, putting the bed between the two of them.

wow. wow. just wow. so Mercy grins, baring their teeth. their fangs, prominent and long, make Alex recoil. “I’m the Monster in the Woods,” they say with a dangerous growl. “and you have trespassed onto my property.”

(they hate themself for taking pride in the fear and disbelief that seem to cross his face. he recoils further, and he can’t look at them for days. he doesn’t leave their mother’s room, and John tells them that he eats only the bread and drinks only the water they give him. they hate themself for loving the power they have over people. and they hate the disappointed look Monica gives them whenever they revel in frightening him)

“Monster.”

“I have a name, darling.”

“I’m leaving, Monster. and if I never come back, it would be too soon.”

“cute that you think you can escape me.”

(he doesn’t leave. they’re human enough that sometimes he’s not scared of them, but there are times where their fur stands on end and their hair swirls in the air around them and their eyes take on a terrifying yellow color and their fangs seem to grow, and Alex Krycek cannot move past them when that happens. and they always seem to stake out the door whenever he wants to leave)

(”Mercy,” Monica says in disappointment.

“he’s not free yet. he doesn’t know how violated he made me feel.”

“maybe you like having him around,” Monica offers, flinching when Mercy’s hair starts to swirl around them and their eyes turn yellow.

“why would i enjoy the presence of a human, Monica? why would i keep him around? let him stay? he is being punished.”

“your mother was a human.”

“and humans killed her. and now i am this.”

Monica can’t argue that.)

“Doggett,” begins Alex as John sets down a tray of food. “why do you stay here?”

John looks surprised, and sits on the bed beside Alex. “Eat,” he orders. “Mercy is…”

“Mercy?” Alex asks sharply.

“the Monster. Their name is Mercy. they are… lonely. we stay because we love them. and Monica and i know deep loneliness. when we found Mercy, they were halfway between human and beast, curled up in the rose garden. we were drawn off the trails by their sobs. they lost their mother when they were very young to hunters who mistook their foraging mother for some kind of animal.” Alex looks stricken, but John continues speaking. “Mercy … attacked him, as best we can figure. they didn’t kill them, but the hunters went back to their town with injuries.”

Alex dips his bread in his soup and asks, “why are they a monster now?”

“if you didn’t believe in monsters, Alex, i don’t know if you will believe they were cursed.” Alex snorts. “exactly. but one of the hunters had married a witch who cursed them. she cursed them to become the beast the hunters thought their mother was, and to be the beast they seemed to attack like.”

“a curse,” Alex repeats in disbelief.

John shrugs and stands from the bed. “believe it or not, but you cannot deny the face of the beast that keeps you from leaving, Krycek.”

“you have a rose garden.” it’s a statement, not a question, and Mercy laughs aloud, their eyes bright with amusement.

“do i?” they tease.

“i want to see it.”

“and i want my home to return to a private dwelling with no trespassers.” they return their gaze to her book. “we can’t have what we want, Krycek.” they’re not going to show the man who only calls them ‘monster’ and not their name their most sacred spot. he doesnt deserve it if he cant acknowledge them.

“show me the rose garden, Mercy.”

they stand behind him stiffly, and he notes that they don’t look at the roses. their gaze is firmly toward the sky. Alex could make a break for it, but the roses…

for a … monster who won’t look at the roses, they are tended to quite well.

“why is this bush missing roses?” he asks. a shudder runs through him at their disgusted scoff.

“perhaps you should have asked why i was being so cruel to Jeffrey.”

“actually,” Fox says before Alex can say anything, “remember those roses he brought us…”

“the day your mother died?” Jeffrey and Fox exchange a sad smile

“ah.”

Alex ran his fingers over the stems that were missing roses. was Fox’s mother worth this? his mother … Mercy’s mother… perhaps they both were, in their ways. if Alex’s mother had loved roses, he would understand the sacrifice Jeffrey was making for his brother.

“they’ll grow back.” Alex flinches at the sudden proximity of Mercy’s voice. to his credit, he doesnt hiss when one of the rose thorns snags his palm but he does grimace at the blood. “let me see.” his body tenses when Mercy’s … hand… definitely a hand, even though they are covered in fur like a wolf with claws to boot, comes up behind his to hold his fingers open.

“it’s a cut,” he says flatly.

“come inside. we’ll get it cleaned up and wrapped.”

“you will do that for me?”

“please. I’m not a monster.”

he may keep the cut open longer than strictly healthy. but Mercy’s hands that look so monstrous bandage him so gentle and their eyes glow yellow in concentration, their tongue sticking out of their not-quite-mouth-not-quite-muzzle in a way that Alex wouldn’t call… cute, but it’s cute.

they tell him stories of their childhood after re-wrapping his hand. they speak with a fond sadness that Alex knows all too well. he lost his mother when he was young as well, and he has something of a found family too.

Mercy tells him how their mother taught them about plants, for survival, for food, and just for knowing.they tell him how their mother took them into the forest to help her forage and how once they encountered an elk so tall they thought he was a monster at first, and how he stared at them with eyes too wise, knowing they wouldn’t hurt him.

he learns about the constellations from them. they tell him how their mother showed them the stars, and that night Mercy takes him to the roof of the mansion and shows him the stars the way their mother did.

they show him some of the techniques their mother had for woodworking and they build a small bird house together.

when Alex’s hand is healed and no longer needs bandaged, Alex tells them about his own mother. they snort derisively over his mother’s stories of the monster in the woods (but for different reasons), but Mercy is enthralled with his mother’s other stories. Alex tells them which herbs his mother favored in her cooking, and how much he misses that. he tells them how he used to brush her hair and how she would run her fingers through his and sing him to sleep.

they both remember their mothers with a fond sadness.

and Alex no longer fears them, because he knows she isn’t the monster in the woods.

“come with me.”

“excuse me?”

“did i stutter, Krycek?” Mercy demands. he tenses, ready for their fur to stand on end or their hair to swirl around them but it doesn’t. they just look… impatient. not mad, just impatient. Alex heaves a great sigh and climbs out of his bed. he wasn’t doing anything, but having them treat him like a dog can become grating.

“where are we going?” he asks when they lead him from the room. they don’t answer, but lead him through the mansion to a room he’d never been to before. (in all fairness he’d never been to many rooms in the mansion.)

“here” Mercy says with a smirk. they push open both of the double doors dramatically and Alex rolls his eyes, stepping into the room after them. “it’s … it was mine and my mother’s. she was an avid book collector. so… was i.”

Alex stills as he looks around the room. it’s not as massive as a public library or a rich prince’s personal library might be, but there are several floor-to-ceiling shelves stocked with books. crammed is a more accurate descriptor. its… amazing. Fox would be jealous, and thats all the motivation Alex needs to approach the nearest bookshelf.

“you can come here whenever you want. i…” Mercy hesitates when Alex looks away from the shelves and to them. “i understand that it’s quite boring here. i… would let you go but because it’s winter… i don’t want you getting hurt on the road.”

a sneer crosses Alex’s face. “its not like i have anything to get back on.”

Mercy’s fingers twitch and whatever openness they’d shown him vanished, a darkness settling in their eyes and a scowl spreading over their not-quite-muzzle. “John has been taking care of your horse in the stables. when the snow melts, i’ll have John and Monica pack you supplies and send you off.”

“…wait. what?” Alex tracks them as they walk over to a bookshelf and piles a few books in their arms.

“you can leave when the weather is better. John and Monica will take care of you.” they give Alex a cruel look. “you don’t have to deal with a monster anymore.”

they leave while Alex is still processing what they said

(when he asks after them, John and Monica can only shrug. not even they’ve seen the monster… Mercy. they’re eating. John tells Alex that they take the meals they leave for them, but they don’t leave their room as far as they can tell.)

Alex spends most of his time in the library. Mercy’s collection isn’t as big as the town’s library, but it’s incredibly diverse, and he’s only found about ten books that overlap with what he’s already read.

he’s so involved in studying psychology books that Fox would salivate over that he doesn’t realize the time or that he’s exhausted. but he wakes up with a pillow instead of a book under his head an a thick blanket wrapped around him, his books off to the side with clear bookmarks.

John and Monica swear up and down that they didn’t go into the library after Monica took his dishes from dinner away.

(Alex thinks the blanket might smell like Mercy, but he doesn’t know what smells like them and what just smells like the house.)

he sees them once before the snow melts, and it’s from the library window that looks out over part of the rose garden. some of the roses started dying, but Alex was no botanist, so he wouldn’t be able to offer to help Mercy even if they were speaking to him.

Mercy stood in knee high snow, no coat but seemingly unfazed by the cold. their head was bowed as they held a rose in their hands. the bush was completely empty except for the one Mercy stood over so reverently. Alex watched them until they moved away from the rose, leaving it swaying in the wind.

the day the snow melts, Alex pretends to be asleep all day. he listens as John and Monica discuss what else he’d need as they packed up his few belongings (mainly borrowed clothes from John he insisted he didn’t need anyway).

Mercy didn’t come through at all. the next day, it rained and Alex used it as an excuse not to go. he went out and brushed his horse but didn’t leave.

the third day after the snow melted, Jeffrey shows up with Fox in tow.

they pound on Mercy’s front door, but they don’t show their face. Jeffrey yells at Monica and John, and Fox asks an absurd amount of questions that his host’s family can’t keep up with.

“Jeffrey said there is a monster,” Fox says when he sees Alex. Alex clutches his pack tightly, the psychology book he’d stowed away pressing into his stomach.

“it was enormous,” Jeffrey agrees. “with fangs like a wolf’s… claws! not quite a muzzle but not a human nose either! covered head to toe in fur!”

Alex snorts. “it’s not like you, Jeffrey,” he says. “to buy into Fox’s shit.”

“it’s not shit,” Fox snaps.

“and you know i’m right,” Jeffrey spits. “i saw it when i left this place. you’ve been here all winter, and you’re telling me you haven’t seen it?”

John shifts, a scowl on his face. Monica’s expression is carefully blank but three months in their company taught Alex how to spot how Monica felt. and she is angry. (had she been so angry when Alex first met them? he didn’t know.)

“ive only seen these two.” Alex gestures to the humans next to him and raises a brow when Jeffrey opens his mouth to argue. “why would i lie about something like this? if there was a monster, i would have seen it by now. but i’ve only seen people.”

he misses the dubious looks John and Monica exchange, but doesn’t miss the looks Fox and Jeffrey exchange. any further pushing gets the same results from Alex. a willing silence, secretive and cold.

“he protected you”

“he still left.”

“but he didn’t let those men try to hurt you.”

“he still left.”

“Mercy.”

“he left! he’s gone and he’s not coming back. get out! get out get out get out get out get out!”

“Alex, come inside. you’ll catch cold.”

“that’s fine.”

“you’ve been out here since dinner. Fox and i are worried about you. you come out here every goddamn night, ever since we came back. Alex, what the hell is going on?”

Alex points at the sky and traces his finger along a particular path. “Corona Borealis,” he says.

“what the ever loving hell are you talking about, Krycek?”

“it’s a constellation, Spender. created when, after Dionysus fell in love with Ariadne, Ariadne threw her wedding crown into the sky. the jewels of the crown are said to be the stars of Corona Borealis.”

Jeffrey scowled at him. “you sound like Fox.”

“leave me alone, Jeffrey.”

mid spring, about a month after the snow melted, a caravan comes through, absolutely demolished. they claim to have been assaulted by a monster in the woods.

with an ‘I-Told-You-So’ expression on his face, Jeffrey uses this as an opportunity to prove that he was right and arranges a hunting party to find and kill this monster in the woods.

Alex can’t deny it when he sees the wagon destroyed and several people injured, one person even missing an arm. there is a monster in the woods, and he thinks he knows who it is.

(he’s unaware of Fox following him when he sneaks out that night, somehow oblivious to the second set of horse hoof beats an horse snuffling)

“Alex Krycek,” greets John when he opens the door to cease Alex’s pounding.

“where are they?” Alex demands. John sighs, but doesn’t try to play dumb.

“in the rose garden.”

Alex storms out of the mansion, still oblivious to Fox entering the clearing. he doesn’t see Fox and John speaking, too focused on finding Mercy. the monster.

he believes the caravan and her people when he sees Mercy watering their roses. the not-muzzle has elongated into a full and proper muzzle and their lower half has become wolf-like. an impossibly terrifying bipedal wolf-human beast, watering roses.

“why?” he spits at them.

they still, ears that have grown to a furry point twitching at his voice.

“the roses need watered,” they say, not looking at him.

“that’s not what i’m talking about and you know it!”

this time they do look at him. their eyes are still human. still brown. Alex can remember the kind concentration when they bandaged his hand. remembers the sadness when they spoke of their mother. the excitement sharing the stars and the earth with him.

“my darling,” they say, voice thick with some unidentifiable emotion but dripping sarcastic sweetness, “i have no idea what you’re talking about.”

suddenly, words threaten to spill out that Alex bites back like bile. ‘why can’t i forget what you smell like? why can’t i forget how your hands felt around mine? why can’t i forget how warm it was to sit next to you? or how your eyes lit up when you looked at the stars? why can’t i forget the sweet sound of your voice? or how you sound when you sing? why can’t i forget how i hurt you that day in the library? why can’t i forget you?’

Mercy stops watering and cocks a hand on their hip.

“Krycek,” they snap.

“Why did you attack all of those people?” he shouts suddenly, unbidden. a bird shrieks and takes flight from one of the bushes. Mercy’s eyes widen and he watches them flicker as they take in his question.

then they laugh. throws their head back and laughs until it becomes a series of barks and they’re hunched in half to catch their breath.

“i’ve attacked people before,” they say when they can breathe again. “but that was years ago. when i found the men who killed my mother. i haven’t harmed anyone since.”

not physically, Alex wants to yell, his heart aching an racing in his chest. “a caravan came through this forest. they were utterly demolished. explain that, monster.”

their eyes harden and turn yellow as they stare at him. their hair begins to swirl around them. their lips curl and their fangs are bared.

“i have never harmed an innocent person,” Mercy, the Monster in the Woods, snarls at him. their watering can falls from their grip and they advance on Alexei Krycek who seems frozen in place. “i have harmed, my dearest Krycek, but only once, and for revenge. for my mother.” they stop mere inches from him and lean in, arms holding him still. “how dare you accuse me of this heinous act, when you know what i’ve been through. who do you think you are? get the fuck off of my property and never come back.”

he’s released with a shove, only saved from falling when Fox catches him. Fox…

“they’re beautiful,” Fox whispers to him as he helps Alex stand. Mercy’s ears twitch but they don’t look back at them, instead picking up their watering can and resuming the watering process. “is she telling the truth?”

Alex Krycek swallows. “yes,” he says, barely audible.

Fox releases him and steps forward. “what’s your name?” he asks Mercy. they snort.

“they call me the Monster.” their voice drips with bitter hatred, and Alex flinches.

“but you must have a name?” Fox presses. they don’t answer. “Alex believes you. but that means someone or something else in this forest attacked that caravan. and until we can figure out who it was… everyone will think it was you.”

“only three people outside of my home know i exist,” Mercy snips.

“And Jeffrey Spender is leading a hunting party to put you down.”

both Fox and Alex flinch when the watering can handle shatters in Mercy’s grip.

“when?”

“before sunset,” Alex supplies.

Mercy flies into a frenzy. they rush to the mansion and starts packing up everything. Alex, Fox, John, an Monica trail behind them as they tear through the mansion. the last thing they do before they speak to them is seal the library.

“take John and Monica far from here,” Mercy says to Fox, handing John and Monica the two bags they’d been packing.

“what?!” exclaims Monica, dropping the bag to grasp Mercy’s arm. they don’t look away from Fox, and Alex has to clamp down on the envy he feels.

“do you understand me?” they snarl. “get them to safety.” only when Fox nods do they look away. with gentle hands, Mercy puts the bag back in Monica’s hand. “go with them.”

“no!” protests Monica.

“please,” Mercy whispers. “please go with them. you can’t be caught in this. i can’t let you die. Monica… please go.”

“and leave you to die on your own?” demands John.

Mercy bares their teeth in what Alex thinks is supposed to be a grin. “A fitting death for a violent monster.”

they’re alone. the sun is low in the sky, nearly set, and Mercy is alone. if Jeffrey is going to kill them, this is how it should be. they find themself in the rose garden, standing before the bush with only one rose.

“i’ll see you soon, Mother,” they say to the rose, dropping to their knees before the bush. they bow their head.

John and Monica have each other. they’ll be alright without them. they might be in pain, but they’ll make it through.

Mercy once thought that when they died, no one would be left alive to mourn them. and only six months ago they were sure that John and Monica would be the only ones to mourn them. and a day ago they thought Alex hated them. four hours ago they thought he hated them. and now they know they’re leaving behind three people to mourn them.

“i’m so sorry,” they say, digging their claws into the dirt. they squeeze their eyes shut and tears leak out into their fur. they don’t move when they hear hoof beats. they won’t give the hunting party the satisfaction of killing a beast. they’ll have to kill Mercy as Mercy pays respects to their mother and mourns for those in their life.

he can’t be too late. please don’t be too late. please please please please please.

his heartbeat pounds in his ears an his legs are trembling with how tightly he’s squeezing his horse. his knuckles are bleached white and his fingers are cold as he grips the reins.

he can’t be too late. he can’t be too late.

he’ll never forgive himself if he’s too late to keep Jeffrey away from them. he’ll never forgive himself if he’s too late to tell them. to save them. to be near them one more time, even if they can’t forgive him for the things he’s said.

his horse bursts into the clearing of Mercy’s home but Alex doesn’t slow to a walk. they sprint across the yard, alert for any other sounds. he hears nothing and his horse whips around the side of the house. Alex pulls the reins and jumps down before he even comes to a full stop.

“mercy?” he gasps out, stumbling into the garden.

“why are you here?”

he faces them sharply.

“well?” Mercy bites, glaring up at him from their place on the ground.

Alex stares at them for a few long, silent moments.

“i will not leave you alone. i will not let you die for a crime you did not commit.” he drops to his knees beside them and presses his forehead against their shoulder. “i won’t let you be alone.”

Mercy’s tense, he can feel it. their words come out even more tense than he’d imagined. “monsters deserve to be alone.”

“then,” Alex Krycek says to Mercy, the monster in the woods, the creature, the person he loves, “it’s a good thing you’re not a monster.”

#selfship #self ship #selfshipping #self shipping #self insert #ask #bytundering #stardust.txt #otp: i hate you darling #writing tag #WOW

2 notes · View notes

blxetsi · 3 years

Note

Hi there! I love your work!! So I know this sounds a little niche but, could we get headcanons for a reader in a polyamorous relationship with Hange and Miche please? Hope you’re having a really good day!

NO BEXAUSE IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEINE TO REQUEST POLYAMOROUS STUFF OMGGGGG 😭 ty for your service anon it means a lot 😔🙏

hange and mike dating headcanons (canonverse)

zoë hange x gn!reader x mike zacharias

warnings: polyamorous relationship, and titans ??, reader is kinda innocent ?? like just easily wound up

also this is going to be SO fucking long and focused on hange for the first long bit sorry !

btw this isnt rlly dating headcanons so much as backstory, how you met, and shit leading up to actually getting together i went so fucking overboard and went the complete opposite way of what you asked ill do a part two with ACTUAL dating headcanons if youd like anon just tell me and ill do it

- i think you wouldve worked for garrison originally

- in season one when hange started the experiments on sawney and bean thats when you would've met them

- you had been a big fan of their research studies for a while, so being in front of someone you thought was so cool was a little nerve wracking

- you had just became newly appointed as a captain for a garrison squad, being one of the youngest recruits to get the position, which also meant some people thought you couldnt handle the job

- you were good at telling others what to do, and guiding them when needed, you took over the leader role very quickly, you had to if you wanted to keep the position

- although you thought you were a good leader, others didnt

- specifically older members of garrison who thought because you were so young, youd be naive

- and since you were a garrison captain, you worked closely with hange and moblit during their experiments

- any request they made for supplies or anything, went through you and youd get it for them

- they needed more help ? youre requesting three soldiers to the experimentation zone immediately. anything they needed you helped with, because you liked helping

- hange had quickly grown fond of you, they were so thankful that you were so willingly to have your squad help them. you remember the brunette grabbing your hand and saying "thank you for your dedication to this project and to science !" while bowing multiple times

- as unsanitary and childish as it was,,, you didnt wash that hand for a day

- hange saw how some members of your squad treated you, and it may have irked them a bit

- causing them to rant to moblit while writing down research data

- "hange." "i just dont get it, why dont they say anything ? theyre so nice so why dont people respect them like they should-" "hange !" "what ?!" "youre writing down captain l/n's name on your page !" "so what ?!- wait what" this causes a night of bickering between the two of them 😐🤚

- when sawney and bean died hange was devastated. you had grown to like the section commander as a friend and respected them greatly, so to see their hardwork and research all go down the drain was hard

- you immediately went into leader mode and started ordering your squad around "listen up ! i want this whole perimeter checked and searched for any evidence to help us find out who did this." a couple members groaned, and one man, who was in his early thirties made a comment about it. "theyre just stupid fucking titans. we're supposed to kill them, not keep them alive for some freak to experiment on them."

- yknow,, looking back on it maybe you shouldnt have went off on them the way you did, but you did because not only was the man questioning your authority and orders, he was blatantly disrespecting a section commander. "i am your captain. i am your leader. you will respect me, and you will listen to me. you either do i say or youll be suspended and taken off my squad immediately. and that goes for everyone ! do i make myself clear ?" you shouted. the man who had talked back raised his eyebrows, youd never once yelled or demanded things be done in a manner like this, and it clearly shocked him when you stood up for yourself.

- a bunch of murmurs came from your squad and you dismissed them, but not before stepping in front of your soldier in front of everyone. "between you and me ? you should be discharged for not only your blatant disrespect and defiance to me for months now, but also for your innapropriate and degrading comments about section commander hange. you wanna pull some shit like this in the future, not just to me but to anybody ? you should kiss your position in garrison squad goodbye, since youre too childish to keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself. now grow the fuck up and go do what ive asked please." the man looked scared as he stared at you, no one had seen you act like this before, his jaw clenched as he nodded and walked off, the rest of your squad dispersing with him

- you didnt notice hange calling your name until you felt their hand on your shoulder. you turned around and saw their sympathetic gaze on you. "thank you for defending me. are you okay ?"

- you rubbed the back of your neck and answered. "honestly ? i feel kind of bad, like i embarassed him or something." the survey corps leader tilted their head back as they laughed. "youre so kind y/n, but im proud of you." the comment, although lighthearted, struck a cord with you

- a couple days later you were requested to meet with not only the section commander but commander smith, as well as your superior, dot pixis

- the meeting only lasted about thirty minutes, but hange had boasted about not only your leadership skills but also your knowledge and ideas on various sciences. erwin decided to offer you a position to work under hange, and dot pixis agreed to have you transferred to the survey corps if you agreed.

- did your decision have to do with your crush on hange ? maybe. would you ever admit it ? no.

- pixis explained to you that youd be honorably disharged from the garrison regiment before being moved to the scouts' headquarters in trost

- you surprisingly got along well with others there. working in hanges squad was fun, and even though you were demoted from a captain back to a cadet you didnt mind

- hange had offered to share as much knowledge as they could with you, which led you to be in their office (as messy as it was) after work hours

- and thats where you met mike

- well, got to know him

- hange introduced you two when you first joined and the first thing the section commander did was NOT shake the hand you held out for him but to lean down and sniff around your hair and neck

- your face felt hot as you stuttered over your words, thrown off by his,,, unique, greeting

- hange and laughed and lightly pushed him away, before explaining to you that thats just what mike did

- back to being in hanges office

- for nights on end youd stay up together in their office, two chairs huddled beside one another while you read through books of research, not just from hange but from published scientists and anthropologists too

- mike had started joining you two only three days after you and hange started

- he would stay quiet, but would sit next to hange making them be sandwiched by the two of you

- after that you started to notice him more often

- down the halls he'd send you a small smile, which you brightly returned

- sometimes he'd be in charge of training that day, and he would wordlessly help you position your arms to properly block or punch when sparring with other members

- then he started bringing tea when he would come and listen to you and hange discuss different theories, articles and information together

- you didnt even know the two were dating until you accidentally walked in on them in hange's office

- they werent doing anything dirty, just giving each other a kiss, but you had walked in on them with a stack of papers captain levi told you to give to hange.

- you kinda,, stood there, slackjawed, while the two pulled apart slowly to look at you. hange had a mischievous grin on their face while mike just gave you a blank stare

- you dropped the papers. the stack of documents levi tasked you to give to hange. you dropped them. How Embarassing.

- your face began to feel hot not just from seeing them but also because youre embarassing yourself by dropping the papers and just standing there like an IDIOT

- "uh,,, i- captain levi said to give you those documents you requested." your voice cracked at the end making you wince

- "you mean the documents that are spread out on my floor now ?" hange asked. you looked between them and the floor, then at mike, then back to the floor than back at hange. "yes." you said, and you could feel that warmth in your face spreading to your ears now too. "im sorry." you exclaimed, your voice sounding strained as you quickly walked backwords and closed the door in front of you

- you started avoiding hange and mike after that, and became hyper aware of everything that they did. they were TAUNTING YOU 🙄 you could feel it

- instead of small smiles in the halls, after you started ducking your head down when you saw mike, he would now give you head pats when you crossed him

- hange would let their hand linger on your shoulder or side as they shuffled past you during meetings or experiments, and would come closer than usual when handing you documents

- mike would give you teasing smiles when you got your ass handed to you during sparring

- and finally you were fed up ! did this count as workplace harassment ? you didnt know but you wanted answers ! so you went to the source, hange's room after dinner

- you didnt bother knocking, you just walked in with your eyes closed

- hange giggled, "what are you doing y/n ?" "making sure im not walking into something i shouldnt be seeing, section commander." "by that do you mean the kiss mike and i shared ?" "yes." "well we're not kissing right now." they said, and you peaked one eye open to be sure they werent lying, and they werent !

mike stood up from his chair and slowly made his way past you, closing the door. you took a deep breath before throwing all of your word vomit on blond and brunette duo. "so i dont know why you guys think teasing me like this is fun, but it isnt. it makes me flustered and nervous and feel weird and im not sure if it counts as abuse of power but i dont like it so it needs to stop." you huffed in a big breath of air after saying all of that, and hange rested their head in their hands.

"y/n do you have a crush on me ?" they asked. their voice was soft but they still had that stupid smile on their face. you could feel your face getting warmer by the second. your mouth opened and closed but no words came out.

" i uh, im gonna leave now." you turned around but hit something hard, and looked up at mike looking down on you, a smirk on his face. he put his hands on your shoulders and turned you back around to hange, walking the two of you over to their desk. he gave you a slight push, causing you to put your hands on the desk and lean on it, while mike kept his hands on you to keep you from running.

hange leaned into you, your noses barely touching. "i only ask because, mike and i have grown very fond of you." they said. you nodded a little bit, the tips of your noses brushing against each other.

"yeah well, id be a little sad if my superiors didnt like me, that would be kind of bad." you replied.

"can i kiss you ?" they asked.

and now is when your brain really stops functioning. thoughts fill your mind of mike and his relationship to hange. are they actually together or is it a friends with benefits kind of thing ?

"i uh, i cant kiss you." you replied, a bit breathlessly caused by both section commanders.

"why not y/n ?"

"well i'm not a cheater, or a homewrecker. i mean i assume that you and mike are together so, im not going to kiss someone in a relationship." you stammered out. this was making you very nervous, butterflies errupting in your stomach. you knew they were just teasing you, goofing around to make you flustered, but a part of you hoped youd be able to kiss hange, and maybe mike for that matter.

they chuckled a bit, before their brown eyes looking behind you to mike's towering form. "honey, can you tell y/n its okay if they kiss me ?" they asked. mike let out a small laugh through his nose before leaning down.

"only if y/n promises to give me a kiss afterwards." he whispered. he pressed a faint kiss to your temple, and you shivered from the contact. he was warm, very warm, and even though it was such a small amount of contact it did so many things to you.

you gulped before bringing your eyes back to hange. you looked to their eyes, and then to their lips, and continued that pattern silently in hopes theyd understand. you didnt want to be teased anymore ! you wanted something to happen.

hange got the hint and smirked, before leaning in again and lightly brushing her lips against yours. theirs were soft compared to mikes chapped ones, and the kiss was so slow, so innocent, it had you leaning in for more. it was a slow, lazy kiss, a kiss to test the waters, it helped calm your nerves, but also made your nerved explode with heat.

finally the researched pulled away, and put their hands on your cheeks, squishing them to pucker your lips, before giving a kiss to your forehead, nose and lips one last time. they let go with a soft smile on their face, and a blush of their own.

you could feel mike press his body down against yours, making your knees buckle slightly. he took his right hand off your shoulder to place it on hange's cheek, thumbing over the red pigmentation. he then turned your head up and to the side, before giving you a kiss of his own. this one was a bit more dominating, hard. his chapped lips scratched against your own but you didnt mind. in a weird way it made you feel at ease, having him take control of it, the same way hange did but his was just more, needy.

he pulled back with a shaky breath and looked at you before looking at hange. "so y/n," hange began. they stood up and made their way around the table, mike pulling himself and you up straight so hange could sit on the edge, pulling you in to stand between their legs. being sandwiched in between mike and hange made you so aware of them, and even though you were very new to something like this you felt weirdly safe and secure. "mike and i genuinely care about you, and we want to be with you the way that we're with each other. would you like that ?"

honestly, how could you say no ?

thats it again im sorry the anon who requested this you did not get what you asked for 😭😭😭😭 hope u all enjoyed requests r open stay safe

86 notes · View notes

neo-shitty · 3 years

Note

toffee!

ah yeah i suppose ur right. yeah i think quarentine has had that sort of effect on a lot of people :( sorry to hear abt ur strict parents, hopefully ur friend will be able to come back soon. small outings (even with family) are still good tho, make sure ur taking care of urself toff.

youre totally right! ah yes thats good advice (/gen) ill try and use that when im in a slump ty. any music suggestions?

lol sames. even some of the stuff abt seungmin, innie etc is a little uncomfortable, like theyre grown ass men for sure, but at the same time, theyre still young, still just over being a teenager in the grand scheme of things. (on that note, i do struggle with worrying that im infantalising them, obviously theyre adults but at the same time, theyre still young. i do treat all fictional characters as my children, but i guess its different when its real people. idk. what do you think?) yeah some stans rlly need to take a chill pill, some are rlly walking the wire between 'ah theyre attractive/that look rlly suits them' and making fucking smut fics abt minors, like... they do not see a problem with that?? yeah tbh i feel like unless theyre 18 they shouldnt be put into the spotlight, weve seen what it does to peoples mental health, but modern day kpop industry is a lot like old hollywood with a lot of popular child actors -_- hopefully the big companies will learn but i agree, its unlikely

suuuuure toff haha. ill go searching for them, but idk if ill be able to find the fluff needle in the angst haystack (jkjk) yeah, fair i groan and complain but you do write angst etc rlly well, so if its what ur comfortable with, then pls continue, it is one of your strong suits, well as you write fluff aside

ah okay good! ill continue to send you essays then

THE ALBUM YES. so ive been looking forward to it for literally months, this is actually my first skz album release as a stay (since the last on was 9 months ago) i was sitting there hitting refresh on my spotify the second 6pm kst came around. (speaking of which, how did you do the release? i couldnt decide whether to watch or listen first but i ended up on listening cos there would be more material) okay: so cheese was super cool, very skz ya know? tho i almost wish theyd made domino the title track, tho obv it was a more experimental track and would have been a bit controversial (much like whistle for bp) i looooved domino and thunderous was absolutely impeccable. all the songs were amazing but standouts were- secrets, secrets which lowkey made me tear up idk why, red lights which almost killed me (it did not have to go that hard, but it did) and OT8 WOLFGANG omgggg i wasnt sure if hyunjin was going to be included in it but i was hoping and, ya know people had said hed be in there, but the further i got in, the less i was sure and then BAM hyunjin started what had been jisung's part and i just sat there grinning for about 5 minutes. surfin was absolutely adorable and gone away almost made me cry AGAIN. star lost was so touching, almost a nod to hyunjins little star? silent cry was relatable beyond anything. SSICK was funny? for some reason I was laughing while it was playing, idk the combination of added cheering and minhos aggressiveness and the totall seriousness they sung it. but i rlly enjoyed it. sorry i love you showcased their vocals like nothing else. the view is THE BOP of 2021, absolutely going to be stuck in my head for the next decade, that hook is genius. what did you think?

also did you watch their grow up performance? with all the stays and ALL THE TEARS? ;n; i feel like this is the end of an era of skz and tbh im kinda happy but also sad. super excited for their promotions but super bummed they wont get to tour. ah well

<3 w.a. 🐺

answer under the cut bc i gave an equally long answer to this already long ask HAJSH

oh yeah, abt quarantine having an effect. my friend and i talked about this earlier actually. i didn't realize the world was moving so fast until the pandemic happened. being in quarantine gave me time to think and i got to know myself more. it's just the sole good thing i got out of the isolation lmao. and abt my strict parents, ironically i got to go out today so i got to hang out with a few of my bestfriends. i had fun but my legs are a bit sore from walking. but they're a different set of friends. i'll get to hang out with the others when my getaway driver comes home in december.

hmm music recommendations for writing? depends on the plot you're writing. care to share what story you're working on and i'll try to rake my brain for a song that might match the vibe. i listen to classical / lo-fi if i don't have song inspo for a fic because lyrics sometimes distract me.

i don't think that's infantilizing tho. for me, it has something to do with my environment and the way i was raised. maybe it's the same the other way around? like this certain age (for the ones above 18 but below 20) is thirst-able for them. idk really. it's just not for me ?n? what i do NOT condone is writing smut for minors??? like get checked : D // i agree with everything with the idols being 18+ before they debut simply because it's for the best for their well-being like. how can young idols decide that this shit is the thing they want to do for life? or at least until their contracts last. idk :// it's unfortunate that it's unlikely to happen.

WELL. i have a list so you won't have to go search for them! in class (minho), in the rain (seungmin), gladius maximus (chan) and you've read five star already. and i just realized that most, if not all, of my upcoming fics are fluffs and i'm fond of all of them :D i used to focus a lot on angst because fluff disgusted the living shit out of me. i think things changed when i wrote champagne problems and hurt myself so bad i wanted to drop angst entirely. i didn't, of course, but i allowed myself to be self-indulgent now.

for the release of the album, i was on twt and watched the vid at 12 views (if i remember correctly, i watched back door at 14 so HASJH) i’m gonna talk by track so it wont be too confusing? bc i wrote this in paragraph format and it just ???? beware im very picky with tracks even if they’re my ults. so no offense if we have opposing opinions and i’m not fond of reading lyrics so these are all music wise.

cheese - oh god i hated cheese at first listen but it grew on me easily. i was singing the yeahyeahyeahyeah bit all day today :D

thunderous - i cant say that it’s my favorite title track. it felt really dry sometimes, both mv and music wise. but at the same time, it’s not that bad. the choreography carried the song tho o.O it’s so fucking cool. but like go live, another track has my heart and it’s

domino - AND YES I AGREE THAT THEY SHOULDVE MADE DOMINO TITLE TRACK UGHHHHH WHAT A WASTED FUCKING OPPORTUNITY. WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW FOND I AM OF THIS SONG. it stands close to the level i love easy.

ssick - was a skip on first listen too because i found the chorus underwhelming but it grew on me? not that much but i can bear listening to it.

the view - it’s something the gen public like, hence its something i dislike. im not fond of songs that are structured like this? it’s not a bad song, just not the type of song i like. but i agree that the hook is very not catchy but it would get stuck in ur head.

sorry, i love you - it’s not as sad as i expected but i actually like it??? i can’t wait to write a fic out of it (1) HAJSHAJ it’s like a 3/5 for me. it’s angsty but chill?

silent cry - i’m pissed at this song bc it hits but sometimes it doesn’t?@?#!? but it’s starting to grow on me but definitely not my fave track.

secret secret - glad i found a secret secret enthusiast because my irls thought it was a skip?$?#@$? it gives me ikon vibes and i’m a huge fan of ikon’s discog so this was a win for me T_T +

STAR LOST - gives me bigbang song vibes and now im very sad :(( in case u didnt know, i’m a hUGE yg fan and 2ne1/bigbang introduced me to kpop so when i heard this track that gave me yg feels i just <3___<3 and it’s one of my favorite tracks anw moving on,

red lights - I WANT TO SKIP THE FIRST TEN SECONDS OF RED LIGHTS EVERY TIME IT PLAYS LIKE IT MAKES ME FEEL AWKWARD KDSJFSK but fine. i’m adding this to props and mayhem’s playlist LMAO it’s more aggressive than sexc tho. more enemies to lovers o. O

surfin’ - this coming right after red lights just wasn’t the best decision arrangement wise because how did we go from ooh sexc to aigh pARTAY. felix saying sheesh T___T it’s such a fun song i want to go to the beach ;n; do you like beaches?

gone away - i have yet to read the lyrics because i’m using this as inspo for a jeongin fic jskjash it’s not the type of ballad i like but it’s so fucking sad to listen to :’ ) the pitch change caught me off guard? still does. it’ll grow on me prolly.

wolfgang - I YELLED WHEN I HEARD HYUNJIN IN WOLFGANG. i didn’t like this song until recently. it gives me the confidence boost i need to pick myself off self-esteem crashes.

and no i haven't watched that performance and i prolly wont because i’ll cry. i’m excited for the promotions too. do you think they’ll still have a repackage?? i cant fucking believe that i just finished waiting for 12am kst for skz teasers and now i have to look forward to 12am for nct 127??@?#? NOT A SINGLE DAY OF REST FOR THIS STAYZEN

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

0 notes

starryeyed-char · 7 years

Text

Neighbors

Hey! Sorry, I know it’s been a while since I posted a one-shot! Believe me when I say I have a lot of stuff in the works... school has just been kicking my ass.

This is for this prompt, requested by @legendarylangst.

So Lance and Keith are neighbors - their bedrooms share a wall - (apartments) anyway, Lance gets sick - like rlly sick - so he stays home and tries to sleep it off, but in his sleep he moans ans groans because even in his sleep he's in pain. and Keith thinks he's getting off,, and bangs on the wall ans then when it doesnt stop he goes to the door and pounds on the door until Lance answers while in a blanket

Hope you guys enjoy!

Lance hated being sick.

Not that he'd ever admit that he was, but he despised it all the same. It wasn't even the symptoms that bothered him the most, even though those sucked. It was the feeling of not being able to do anything. There was nothing Lance hated more than being useless.

Still, despite his protests, Hunk had decided that Lance couldn't possibly go into work that day. The guy was usually a big pushover, except when it came to his friends' health. Then all bets were off.

Lance huffed a sigh, collapsing into bed. He would've much preferred getting stuff done than staying cooped up inside the apartment all day. Deep down, though, he knew that it was pretty bad. He'd been doing a good job hiding the illness from Hunk the past few days, but that morning it'd been so obvious that even Lance's best acting couldn't keep his best friend and roommate from noticing.

He knew it was for the best. Hell, everything Hunk did usually was. With Lance's horrible migraine combined with a fever and completely non-functioning sinuses, it was a wonder he'd been able to get away with it this long.

Hunk promised to bring back some medicine, and make soup when he got back from work. He'd also advised Lance to rest, and stay hydrated, which would hopefully help some.

Reluctant as he was, even Lance had to admit that whatever he had wasn't going anywhere for a while, and he wouldn't get anything done while awake. So, he buried himself under what was probably way too many blankets, and tried to get some sleep.

He was out cold almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Keith hated his next-door neighbor.

Well, no, not actually. In fact, he barely knew anything about the guy other than his name (Lance), his appearance (hot to the point that it was almost unfair), and the fact that he liked to sing numbers from Broadway musicals at the top of his lungs when he was home alone.

Keith only knew this last fact because their bedrooms shared a wall. A much, much too thin wall, if you asked him. From what he'd gathered of Lance, he was a pretty obnoxious guy. This information was almost entirely from the things Keith heard on the other side of the wall, as they'd only spoken face to face a handful of times. Regardless, he was definitely not the kind of person you wanted to share a wall with. Keith had no idea how Lance's roommate, Hunk, put up with the guy.

Said wall was the reason for Keith's current hatred of Lance. Coming from the other side of the wall were a series of moans and groans that... didn't leave much to the imagination.

And okay, maybe this wasn't the first time Keith had heard something along those lines going on. But it was definitely the loudest.

Hunk wasn't home, but he couldn't hear anyone else with Lance, which meant he was alone. He'd stayed home from work to do this?

Keith groaned, covering his ears with a pillow. He'd be listening to music right about now, if his headphones weren't broken.

The pillow didn't help much.

Keith threw it across the room. He'd had enough.

He banged his hand against the wall several times. “Lance?” he shouted. “Would you mind keeping it down over there? Some of us would like some peace and quiet.”

The typical response to one of Keith's complaints was some witty comeback yelled just as loudly, but Lance usually listened to him anyway. This time, however, there was no response other than the sounds continuing.

Keith cursed under his breath before trying again. "Lance! Kindly shut the fuck up!"

Still nothing.

He was more than a little angry now. Lance was blatantly ignoring him. This called for more drastic measures. Keith kicked off his own blankets and stormed out of his apartment without even putting a pair of socks on. If Lance wasn't going to be civil, why should he?

Keith pounded his fist on the door multiple times, paused, and then knocked several more times for good measure. There was a small thud from inside. If Keith wasn't so irritated, he might've been concerned.

He heard shuffling indoors, and that's when he realized, with no small amount of panic that this was the first time he'd ever actually knocked on Lance's door.

Not the best circumstances for a first proper conversation, but it was too late now.

The door swung open, and Keith didn't hold back. “What the hell, Lance? I told you to stop twice! Why were you being so goddamn loud?”

He paused for breath, about to go off again, when he abruptly registered what he was looking at.

Lance stood in front of him, but it was a Lance he'd never seen before. Granted, Keith didn't know him well by any means, but he was positive that the regular Lance would be leaning against the doorframe with a smirk, maybe a couple finger-guns. Not this.

This Lance had wrapped himself in a blanket, and was still shivering slightly. His skin was much paler than usual, with flushed cheeks and sweat on his brow. He sniffled.

“Um.”

“'M sorry, Keith. Was asleep,” Lance rubbed at his eyes and blinked, as if trying to get his vision to focus. “What'd you want again?”

Keith felt like an absolute idiot. And kind of an asshole.

Lance was sick, and had been trying to sleep. He'd probably been making those noises because he was in pain. Keith resisted the urge to curse out loud.

“Uh, I just wanted to... check on you?” It was a weak lie, but Lance was too out of it to catch on.

“S'nice of you, but 'm fine. Promise,” Lance told him, attempting a smile. “Was just takin' a nap. I don't feel too good.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Keith agreed, giving him another once over.

“Hunk made me stay home,” Lance explained. “Says I can't go to work like this. Guess I'll just get back to my nap.”

He turned around to go back to his bedroom, not even bothering to close the door. Keith hesitated for a moment before crossing the threshold, grabbing Lance's arm.

“You sure you're okay to be here by yourself?” Keith asked, looking around uncertainly. “Have you eaten anything? Taken medicine?”

Lance waved him off. “Hunk'll be back with food and stuff later. He had a real important thing to do at work. 'S not really that bad, I can just wait.”

“I don't know,” Keith bit his lip. "I have a bad feeling about leaving you by yourself. You seem really sick.”

“'M fine," Lance insisted, shaking his arm out of Keith's grip. He only made it a few steps, however, before collapsing to the ground in a pile of blankets. “Meant to do that,” he added weakly.

“Yeah, okay, we're definitely checking your temperature,” Keith decided, rooting through the medical cabinet.

“I don't need it.”

Keith glanced back at him. “I respectfully disagree.”

Lance snorted, which quickly turned into a series of coughs. When the fit subsided, he cleared his throat and muttered, “When do you ever do anything respectfully, Keith?”

Keith couldn't help it, he laughed a little at that. But it didn't last long, what with his growing frustration at not being able to find what he was looking for.

“Where the hell is your thermometer?” he demanded. “Do you idiots not even own one?”

“Thermometer? I think Hunk used it earlier? 'S probably in my room,” Lance told him, then proceeded to pull a box of tissues out of the endless blankets and blow his nose.

Keith was momentarily speechless. “And you didn't think to tell me this before?”

“You didn't ask.”

Keith shook his head, floored. “Guess it's good to know that when you're sick you're still you,” he mumbled as he retrieved the thermometer from Lance's nightstand. “Infuriating.”

If Keith wasn't already concerned, the reading on the thermometer certainly did the trick.

“One hundred four,” Keith read off, trying to keep his voice free of panic. “Point three.”

Lance blinked up at him wearily. “'S... 's that bad?”

“Is that— yes of course it's bad, you dumbass! This is way too high! We've got to get you to a hospital.”

“Nooo,” Lance whined, even as Keith helped him stand up, blankets and all. “Why can't I stay here? I wanna sleep.”

“You can sleep when we get there,” Keith promised. “But I definitely do not trust myself to be responsible for you with a fever like that. We're going to the hospital, and you're going to like it.”

Lance sighed dramatically. “So pushy. Think I like Hunk better.”

“Yeah, me too,” Keith agreed. “Come on, I'll drive. Obviously. I doubt you could even open a car door on your own.”

“Hmmm,” Lance hummed as they came into view of Keith's car. “You should come to my apartment more often.”

Keith nearly dropped his car keys. “I'm... I'm sorry, what?”

“When 'm better,” Lance continued, as if Keith hadn't spoken. “And you won't have to drive me to the hospital this time. Promise. I can drive and we can get... coffee. Or... or something.”

Keith glanced over at him. “Are you... you're asking me out? While you have a fever over one hundred and four degrees? On the way to the hospital?”

Lance shrugged. “Good a time as any.” Immediately after saying this, he passed out.

Lance woke up in the hospital. He still didn't feel absolutely wonderful, but both his migraine and stuffed nose seemed to have lost their intensity. Pretty great, in comparison.

Hunk was there waiting for him, of course, with the promised soup and apologies to spare for not staying with him from the beginning, saying they'd have to send Keith a gift basket sometime.

“Where is Keith, anyway?” Lance asked, eyes surveying the room. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed to not find him there when he woke up.

Hunk started. “Oh! I almost forgot! He left you this.”

Lance flipped over the object Hunk handed him, and raised an eyebrow. “A get well soon card? Doesn't exactly sound like Keith.”

Hunk raised his hands in surrender. “Hey, you're the one who has screaming matches with the guy through the wall! All I know is he told me to give it to you. Don't shoot the messenger.”

“Alright, alright,” Lance opened the card, unsure what to expect. The card was just one of those cheesy get well cards you could buy at the hospital, but it was what was inside that caught Lance's eye.

Written directly under the cheesy card message, in bright red ink, was a message.

Maybe next time you're pissing me off, I can call you instead of screaming through the wall. Or you could call me.

P.S. I like black coffee.

This was followed by a phone number.

The smile on Lance's face was immediate. Illnesses be damned. “Black coffee? Who does he think he is?”

Hunk looked up from the book he was reading. “What did you say Lance?”

Lance just shook his head, still grinning. “Nothing. Hey, Hunk, could you pass me my phone?”

1K notes · View notes

ts-indonesia · 5 years

Text

Episode 1 - "Time to put on a bra and take some selfies." - Leigh

Episode 1 saw eighteen players, some fresh faces, and some veterans arrive on the Indonesia beaches, ready to play and ready to win. On a somewhat quiet Obor tribe, Leigh/Trent bonded over the age difference on the tribe (with a cunning plan reliant on using the word ‘lit’) and Anabel/Trent begun to form a bond that would survive the test of time.

On the Cahaya tribe, Matt/Jess feared the casting of one another, and Julian arrived plucky and ready to avoid another prejury experience, determined to improve. Owen/Stoner quickly formed HOS 22: Bermuda, and set to work spreading their connections across the tribe, forming at trio with Julian.

After a decisive victory in the Scavenger Hunt, it was revealed the returnees would have to send two returnees to the other tribe as “infiltrators” casting a sole vote. In an attempt to force the result, Julian went “offline”, in an attempt seen-through by his fellow tribe mates, but one that was ultimately successful, with Owen & Julian sent over as infiltrators.

At Obor’s tribal council, Evan quickly emerged as an easy vote, for his minimal challenge contribution. Two key alliances formed, a newbie majority alliance of Trent/Chris O/Leigh/Anabel/Lorelei and a girls’ alliance of Lorelei/Anabel/Leigh, with Anabel armed with an idol to boot.

As expected, Evan was sent out unanimously, but not before Julian trashed on the Cahaya tribe during tribal council... in a tribal seen... by the Cahaya tribe. With Evan out, the torches still inspiring such hate, and the infiltrators returning... that drew round one to a close.

MATT

first confessional give me idol?

also hi Jones

OWEN

okay so im walking onto the boat.... my hair is thinning, my skin is getting wrinkly, im ancient at this point. nonetheless im back for like the sixth time. or seventh, honestly who can keep track anymore. i see these like cute little new people. ANABEL's vid is AMAZING gay icon, lorelei legend likes pokemon mystery dungeon, Leigh is near chicago, like... i literally love all these new players but then i realize NONE OF THEM WILL BE ON MY TRIBE SKADSFJH. instead? im stuck with crazy ppl. there's julian who i voted out premerge in the season I won, and Matt who was in my most recent season nnn but NOT the matt I worked with in that game. and of all people CHRIS STONER LMAO. to be fair, chris isn't that bad bc I know he'll work with me hopefully but also I know he's a good player and wouldn't hesitate to cut me out. thank god olivia and jess are here tbh. omg and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.....a furry shows up. WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK lmao I remember foxx back from the old old days and he seems scary :(((( good news is julian said him and isaac haven't ever gotten along and that isaac has voted him out twice :') so that might be good. and i'm fairly sure stoner and jess would have my back rn i just need to talk more to them. but for real, as soon as there's a swap or something if I survive that long? bye bye returnees :) i dont see myself getting very attached to anyone at the start so ill just do my best to ride out this beginning and maybe have some fun

LEIGH

I'm looking forward to seeing how long our tribe chat is just "Hey *Tribe Member's Name*!"

I think it could go on a while.

OWEN

chris: ditching u for the other stoner tho chris: tumblr needs an all stoner f2... 7:23 PM me: thats ok im ditching u for the gay girl from the first post me: but for now? u and me <3 7:23 PM chris: deal stoner and I rlly did speak this into existence....... it'll happen

LEIGH

So this tribe has literal children on it. 15, 16 years old. I might have to backstab ACTUAL CHILDREN! How do I even fit in with them? Trent suggested we could buy fidget spinners. I said maybe yoga pants and a crop top? There are people here BORN AFTER 9/11!!! What the fuck I didn't even know you could be born after 9/11 and be out of kindergarten. What year is it?

EVAN

Just met some other castaways, they seem pretty chill.

FOXX

What's up. So this fox has returned after an eternity of a hiatus with more grey in his muzzle and hopefully some self-awareness to go with it. I played some pretty solid games in the past but after taking a long time lurking and sort of forgetting Tumblr Survivor Crooks asked if I wanted to play despite not knowing I have played before. That's how old and irrelevant of a has-been I am. Back from the dead. I'm glad my star has faded and I can go in with a blank slate. My biggest concern is that I am not on my anxiety medication so my social interactions, especially on call, will be a lot more stilted and I'm terrified this will impair my judgment but we'll see. Right now I'm not trying to come off as a huge strategist. I made an intentionally crappy intro video, made fun of myself, and just tried to be funny without coming off too weird/desperate etc. Almost like I'm not taking this too seriously. However, already I'm noticing a patterns in how people on my tribe are. I have no fucking clue who these mammals are. People will have extensive conversations about people, twists, running jokes, etc and I'm totally lost. That hiatus really did fuck with my ability to ingratiate myself with this community. That will be a huuuuge advantage coming to dealing with the newbies since I can leverage that to not seem so threatening but right now I think I'm doing a fair job being friendly and making people laugh. I hope. God. So my thoughts on my tribemates thus far: Stoner: Vaguely know who this guy is. Aptly named. He's clearly blazed as hell but I can tell he's bright and likable. Says "oh shit" a lot and he seems like depsite his facade he's probably someone I can work with. Isaac: We talked about Overwatch a bit and he seems nice but he's not coming on my radar too strong. Jess: Definitely made a fairly strong impression on me since we're similar ages, Francophone, and we bonded over our mutual detest and hatred of furries and then I calmly sneak in the fact I am a furry an hour later and holy shit I was trying so hard to not bust into tears. She's funny and likable and seems like she's someone I could work with. Matt: Talked a bit about me coming back. Very little in group call. Michael: Talked a fair amount about D&D and made some fun Upside Down jokes. Seems like we have a lot in common but him being a different time zone could prove hard to keep up with. Being the outlier on Time Zones is playing on Hard Mode. Olivia: Love her! We bonded over animals and she seems like a total sweetheart and I definitely wanna share pics of my cat with her some more! Owen: We talked a bit about literature and it was fun. Definitely seems intelligent and he's someone I know a bit about from Olympics. In an ideal world I'd want to work with Stoner, Jess, Olivia, & Michael but everything in on fire. Also, no luck on the idol so fuck me I guess

JESS

So... first night has been interesting? I was going to do your typical "first impressions" confessional but... FOXXX or whatever the fury's name is.... is playing too hard too fast. Am I being a Paranoid Patty and reading this the WRONG WAY entirely? Possibly. HOWEVER... It's been less than 5 hours since we were thrown into this hell hole of a game (The hosts are lovely individuals but we all know this is about to get insane) and he's telling me if I want to make a move that he's my guy? Ummm.... WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN OUR FIRST IMMUNITY YET? I'M NOT THINKING MOVES RIGHT NOW? I BARELY CAN REMEMBER YOUR NAME!

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/Swisjdq1R4s

OLIVIA

Have I befriended a furry???????? Is this real life????? Is he actually a furry or just really in deep on this joke? Why are there so many Dylans in orgs? Also fucking goddamnit I like EVERYONE HERE I just wanna be friends with all y’all damn. All of the newbies are so adorable and seem so excited and unknowing to the pain that’s gonna come :’) Annabelle especially like my wig flew with that intro! I wanna meet them all. Also wtf is with the torches I WANNA KNOW ALREADY! Anyways that’s all I’m excited for this season. Owen and I renewed the o alliance :-) and Jess seems cool as hell I really clicked with her and the furry. Michael seems sweet and I already know Julian from Mykonos, the absolute crackhead. Real sweetie tho hopefully we’re friends. I hope I’m not coming off as too insane I was so nervous on the phone call with the tribe :( it was so fun but I felt like every time I said something it fell flat I felt so awkward abhhhhhahshsjaj. Anyhoo yay! New season!

Should I write the rest of my confessionals in japanese? Neko. Boom

JESS

So coming into this game with a TS under my belt is different... I still have no expectations whatsoever BUT I do know how HARD people go for in these games and I'm planning to go just as hard. The first night was wild. Everyone on my tribe except for Matt and Julian were lively on the tribe call. Everyone seemed pretty cool and super... out there.. I think Isaac might be the one to watch on my tribe. He's been around the block and knows most people on my tribe (new and old). WHICH IS WHY.. I'm going to try my best and get super close to him. I need to make sure I'm not disposable to these "older players" and as asset to these "newer" players. I just know need to cool my jets on the whole socializing bit in the main chat (Yes I know it's literally day 1). I want to be as irrelevant as possible so no one thinks I'm a threat but no one really wants to get rid of me either. Gotta focus on those INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS. Hopefully these other players with more TS's under their belts become bigger shields than me because if not... yikes on yikes.

ROB

I like everyone so far. Evan is giving me a few red flags because he’s only giving me one word answers, so i might take that into consideration when voting.

FOXX

We had a very fun group call with the tribe last night. Definitely haven’t laughed that much in a while. Love my tribe thus far so I hope we can keep the good vibes going. Jess & Stoner are people I feel like have talked with me the most Nd Olivia, Owen, & Michael are also friendly so I think I have options. One thing I’ve noticed is how casual and sociable this tribe is. Nothing is more frustrating than a tribe full of overserious gamebots (*cough* Selwyn *cough*) but it’s a group of funny and chill people. It’s gonna be a great game!

OLIVIA

I love these hosts 🙂 HATE the idol system but honestly it doesn’t change much I’ve never gotten an idol before and probably never will so it won’t change my gameplay lmao

I like Isaac a lot too! Forgot to say. But I’m also a little wary of him because I know he’s very experienced

JULIAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKDvx7VxRC8

ANABEL

well. yesterday i found an idol on my second guess. and made two new friends. so yesterday was great. today was bad. i outed myself. my mom heard me tell my eyebrow lady that i was gay. this is a sad confessional and i wish i wasn’t so loud. im real fucking sad. sorry. but at least i have an idol and some friends.

LEIGH

Time to put on a bra and take some selfies.

I'm glad I shaved today for that tattoo selfie.

OLIVIA

There’s an alliance I’m not in isn’t there

Why am I so FUCKING awkward

ANABEL

im so fucking good at survivor like... good lord. trent and i are like best friends already (see, i knew this would happen, i always meet a nice old usually straight man and we become friends, it's like the hallmark of my survivor experiences) and we came up w a plan where i am gonna try and seduce evan and rob and make them my lil minions so im gonna lie to them and tell them that im a cheerleader bc that's hot right?? so ya my womanly charms will be utilized to their fullest potential. go me.

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/aAqEUHoyy78

LEIGH

Can we talk about how bullshit it is to have "Lipstick in your tribe's color" when we're yellow and they're RED? Honest to god might as well have "Lemon in your tribe's color" to make it fair.

Alex coming in with bold capslock "MAKE SURE EVERYONE ON YOUR TEAM HAS SUBMITTED AT LEAST ONE THING" ... Just DM Evan directly my dude.

OLIVIA

Feeling much better about this game today than I was last night I think I was just spiraling 🥰 we’re doing really well on the challenge and I hope we win!! Two people messaged me saying I’m doing great on the challenge and idk how to respond. Just tryna make sure we don’t lose I will NOT be the first vote out. Newbies go hard on scavenger hunts but I go even harder 😈

LORELEI

Ok so! I'm super bummed that obor lost the challenge, I really thought we would win! Now we have to get rid of someone and it sucks but I feel like we all know who it has to be. It's not even personal, it's just the fairest thing and the best thing for our tribe. Also, alliances are forming! I like Anabel, Leigh and Trent so I'm with them but I'm gonna try to connect with everyone so I'm not on the outskirts. I hope that the boys haven't formed an all boys alliance bc if they have, then the girls could be in danger. That's it for now!

STONER

guess I’ll follow Alex crook’s rules... https://youtu.be/ndsfCdjtcQI

Not much, about to sleep! https://youtu.be/v12a2AbklVw

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/4inKBNkg87M

JESS

It's 2:30am so WHY NOT post ANOTHER confessional? Am I right? Honestly, we won which I'm BEYOND THANKFUL for. I hate tribal and I can now at least say I wasn't first boot. THANK GAGA. I'm just really trying to solidify things with Michael right now. I think out of everyone on my current tribe I can honestly see myself making a run at this game with him (at least up until merge). I offered him the prospect of sharing idol clues (it's literally the only collateral I have at the moment) so hopefully this doesn't bite me in the fucking ass. Other than Michael I was kind of hoping to somehow get closer to both Julian and Matt (plot twist I know). Matt has hosted me before and it's no secret he is a founding father of the "I Hate Jess" Club. However, these two seem to be the odd men out right now. They aren't overly socializing with people so there's a high chance they'll be taken out if our current tribe loses. HOWEVER.. I see potential numbers in them. So I can't let that happen. As of right now both Foxx and Stoner seem to be the ones to watch out for. I just can't let them think or know... that I know that about them. Stoner gives me mega "I say the same things to everyone" vibes. He's clearly playing a strong social game so far. I just need to play dumb and ensure that he thinks he can control/trust me. Honestly, as soon as he doesn't see value in me I have no doubt he's gonna cut me. Foxx on the other hand, just seems like he's playing too hard. He's another guy who I strongly believe is going to drop me as soon as I have no value to him. I'm just going to have to have to lay low and be dumb. Owen scares me shitless. He's giving me PTSD from my last season because homeboy is playing a strong contender game. He's definitely a pick to win. He's another person who I'm going to have to try and pretend I'm under their spell. Am I playing too hard too fast? I'm not entirely sure. I'm just going to slow my role a bit and see what happens

MATT

What’s Up? WHAT’S UP?!?!?!? how dare you ask me such a ludicrous question. Alright so first real general confessional of the game here. I wanna eventually try and record some video confessionals, but that’s if i have the time. but for today, we’re good with a text. So starting off the game on the Cahaya Tribe, which consists of entirely returnees. So right off the bat it makes nervous bc i’m really not around much in the community. Yeah i’m in a few VL’s and i played once before, but i really don’t know anyone. So being the odd one out for that reason was a real fear for a little bit. Looking at my tribe, there are a few names that stood out the most to me. Owen stood out bc we both played Kuwait, and even tho we never met each other, we still have that little connection. Chris motherfucking Stoner is here too!! Chris is such a chill dude. we played together once before and i voted him out pre swap. But that game was so long ago, and i really don’t think he cares (i know i dont). So i’m looking forward to reconnecting with him. Jess is also here!! Jess and I had met previously because i hosted her in Celestial Komnata, and we had some rough misunderstandings there. But months have passed and I know that I am well over it bc i frankly don’t care. But i feel like she still probably cares which will not be good for me. Michael was the last person that stood out to me. Not because I know him, or know of him. But because he’s the only Non-North American in the cast, which means if i can stay up late and socialize with him, he might favor me over other When i looked at the other tribe, i think the only person i know is Anabel? We played together once, i hosted her, so we have somewhat of a connection that if we swap together, i hope that works in my favor. So on the first night of the game, i was very busy with Celestial All stars premiere, so i didn’t get to talk as much as i would’ve liked. which resulted in me telling jones on call like 5 times that i’m gonna be first boot. But the first night, i talked with everyone (to some degree) except Issac bc i forgot Issac was here. The torch twist thing i have no idea what it’s going to be and it worries me. My first thought is that it somehow would result in a third tribe bc there were six torches. so someone would light a torch and be placed on that tribe. But it’s too early to figure out what they even mean and i’m sure as the game progresses.

LEIGH

Woooo so what's happened. Well, we lost the challenge and it wasn't even close. I haven't looked at the spreadsheet to see the final scores but I feel like Me, Trent, and Anabell did the most work. I talked to a few people last night and put Evan's name out there cuz I know most people are too scared to say a name first and I feel comfortable enough about my position to be the one to say a name that most people should agree with. A mutual alliance formed between me, Chris, Trent, Anabell, and Lorelei. Within it, an all girls 3 alliance formed which I'm super happy to be part of. I'm sure Trent will be paranoid about that sooner or later so hopefully Chris and I can make him feel confident. Trent is sharing idol guesses with me so I'm hoping that means I'm like the closest person to him right now. I like the number of options I have so far.

I feel like Facebook might be falling out of style so maybe these youngin's don't even have it or aren't familiar with Facebook ORGs. The only other people here who know my history as far as I know are Foxx and Chris, and I hope neither of them bring it up. If I can stay UTR that'd be nice. Also, I think I need to stop capitalizing letters/using punctuation if I wanna fit in with these kids. Did I already confessionalize that? Not sure.

Apparently Lorelei missed the HII thing day one haha oh well. I'm compiling guesses from me, Chris, and Trent. Hopefully I'll get them from the girls too. I'm not showing the girls' guesses to Chris though. I don't think he'll be mad at me for it. We gotta play close to the vest sometimes yo

TRENT

So far I think the game is going alright. My tribe is incredibly quiet for some reason but I guess that isn't too bad. I made a connection with Anabel and Leigh pretty early on. Decided to suggestion and alliance and both we in so I added Chris and Lorelei so we had a majority. This is the alliance I wanted from the beginning. I wanted the older people to stick together and then add in one young one. I think it's a pretty solid idea. Ive been messaging both kenny and dylan as well. I don't want an alliance with them, but I would like for them to like me and want me to stay in. I also think im getting along pretty well with the two infiltrators right now. Julian was spilling all kinds of info about his tribe to me this morning and then me and owen connected really well. Hopefully this will help me in the future if there is a split soon.

OLIVIA

Jess was hinting that her, foxx, stoner, and I should get together and I said we’d make a nifty cool group. A NIFTY COOL GROUP WHAT THE FUCK IS A NIFTY COOL OLIVIA

ISAAC

This twist can become SO detrimental. And I’m so MAD Owen went over there first because that bitch is unbelievably charismatic. Hopefully it paints a bigger target on him but like it’s whatever. I like my tribe. We seem chill and I seem to vibe the most with Olivia and Jessica Messica. Foxx is cool. Julian is....Julian ig. Matt has yet to talk to me so that’s a wig ig. Michael seems nice but ngl I get kinda bored when I try to talk to him? He seems very gamebot-y which could be frightening but idk he’s not my biggest problem atm. I’m terrified of Owen - he’s unbelievably charismatic and has the ability to twist people around his finger so like I’m gonna keep my eye on him and I’m not gonna let him out of my sight. With that being said I do wanna see him live for at least a little while for meat-shield purposes. Anyways I hope I do well this game but 👀 I have a sinking feeling.

KENNY

So yeah.. it seemed like a pretty laxxed day and Evan was the vote. How true is that? Idk but I have to trust strangers. But just heard he through my name out like 20 minutes ago, with less than 3 hours to go. So I just hope everyone’s being honest 😭

OWEN

what’s up? Everything :’) I couldn’t help as much in the scav hunt as I liked because I was living my life. But thankfully we won anyways bc my tribe kicked ass! I still contributed some and I made sure to keep talking to people. I still love olivia, and matt has been fun to talk to. Don’t rlly know why but foxx seems hard to get to know. And not big into michael rn either. I think I will stick with Julian and chris, hopefully can pull in jess and olivia to do something if we lose. Chris mentioned that both him and jess DO like foxx so we will see.... The main thing is that this twist worked out perfectly for me!!!! I couldn’t call when we were decided and I REALLY wanted to go. Thankfully I was able to take advantage of the majority vote thing and pretend like I wasn’t online hehe and by some miracle I got picked to go. MEANT TO BEEE and let me say I was right, I do love this tribe so much more than my own for some reason. Trent is great, Annabel and I are talking like I wanted, the Chicago girl and the Pokémon mystery dungeon girl. It’s so good over here, but the biggest surprise has been chris o. I really like him and could see myself working well with him if we swap. The only thing is that Julian said he was sketchy sometimes..... hehe so down the road I might have to tell chris o that Julian is after him :~) but I don’t need to snake too hard yet, for right now I’m a crocodile lookin like a log. Vote should be easy on Evan from what I’ve heard but if it changes? I’ll be living for the drama!

LORELEI

It looks like Evan is the consensus. I feel really bad though because it's not his fault. He tried to plead his case with me by saying that he wasn't the only one that was inactive, but that doesn't change the fact that he contributed the least. I know it's the fair thing to do but I feel bad about it. Voting out people is so not fun, I really hope we win the next challenge so I won't have to do this again.

EVAN

I’m pretty sure I’m fucked. I’ve been trying to get people to vote Kenny but idk fuck

KENNY

“I know I’M voting Evan = I might be voting Evan but I know others are voting you”. Or am I being paranoid

JULIAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaH8l2R-Xt0

MATT

i feel like i did pretty good on the scavenger hunt. i managed to scoop up a bunch of items that were left over and some that were high points. so i do feel good about my performance and think i pulled my weight. Speaking of pulling weight...Julian is...there. I think he only submitted one item which was the Vine. I mean i get you have work and are busy, but like...most of us were the same? even issac who was celebrating his birthday did more. after challenge results we got on call in the tribe chat (olivia, chris, michael, myself). and we were talking about the infiltrator twist and the challenge results. We agreed to have myself and Olivia go, but we needed 5 for a majority. Julian shows up and says he “might wanna go tbh”. and then disappears. We’re on call laughing bc we wanna submit this and not randomize it, so someone who isn’t here gets forced to go. BUT JULIAN won’t talk in tribechat even tho we’re all like, “hey we’ll take turns and you can go next time.”. but no. Julian is only talking in olivia’s pm’s and she’s telling us whatever he’s saying. eventually the hour is up, and julian got randomized to go. that fucker strong armed us into randomizing and he still went god damnit. I think that call was good for my game because we were just chatting for like 1.5 hours about the game stuff and people. After michael/chris left the call it was just Olivia and myself on call and we stayed on for another hour and a half(????? ish??? probably less i can’t remember). But that was a nice call and i think helped start to solidify a bond. Olivia is someone i can see myself working with in this game. Same goes for Michael and Chris. I feel like that call group was pretty natural and we got along really well. I’m too nervous to initiate any kind of alliance talk, but i know it’s gonna have to happen eventually. i’m sure alliances already exist on the tribe and i’m obviously not in them. I think for starters, i need to work on conversations a bit more, because they are somewhat weak right now. My goal for the future is to work on olivia, michael, chris and owen. Those are the people i feel most good about. Foxx is cool but idk it seems hard to gel with them. Julian is cracked and i hope he’s our first boot. and the four of us on call forgot issac was on the tribe so that’s not good for him. i think i’m in a decent position for now, but i’m not gonna count my chickens before they hatch (i think that’s the saying idfk)

#whenyourfiresout

0 notes