#but i just. idk i just wonder if its a self perpetuating thing

[kindaorangey]

just had some thoughts about storytelling and escapism

[theneighborhoodwatch]

I've been thinking a lot about the houses, specifically how they might correlate with WH's theme of religion. The parts in the livestream trivia where Clown talked about the houses is really interesting, how Home is the only "alive" house but all the neighbors believe their houses are alive to some capacity. And the fact that the holidays are to celebrate their houses, where human holidays are usually to celebrate deities/religions.

The only thing on the website that still has this religious theme is the So Below page of Wally (possibly) worshipping Home. Perhaps Clown removed the cross cufflinks and Baphomet imagery so WH could be an allegory about religion instead of straight up about Christianity. The houses/Home could be metaphors for deities and the neighbors are their followers, even if their perception of religion and what it means is probably very different than humans'.

i was wondering why i had a hard time answering this message yesterday, and i think it's because i never really saw welcome home as a story about christianity or even religion as a whole, in either its current iteration or its earlier drafts. i think there is a very good chance that it's one aspect of welcome home, but... how do i say this.

when i see posts from clown talking about what he feels welcome home is about, i get the impression that at its core, welcome home is a story about alienation - from society, from one's environment, from one's peers, even from one's own self - and Specifically about alienation that comes as a result of changing (or at least desiring change) in an environment that upholds stagnation/the status quo/etc. as The Ideal. not Quite the same as but very similar to nostalgia poisoning, two peas in a pod. and i don't think it's a coincidence that this can be used as a criticism of the practices of Many christian denominations in the usa, a country in which christian hegemony is still very strongly felt in many aspects of daily life (let alone back when welcome home was airing in-universe or when its supposed creator, ronald dorelaine, was growing up.) i suspect that part of the reason the christian symbolism seems to have been reworked into something more subtle between welcome home's 2019/2020 concept and what we have now is because:

A.) it would have been rather on the nose, even hokey, to have the world of welcome home (the in-universe show) be a textually christian one when you don't really Need welcome home to be an explicitly religious production to demonstrate the idea that art is shaped by the culture/society in which it exists and/or its creator(s) hail from.

B.) it was originally less ... nuanced? idk if that's the word i'm looking for, but - i do not think it is a coincidence that wally's old cross cufflinks were a holdover from a time between the version of welcome home we are familiar with now and a draft in which wally seemed to be much more overtly, Aggressively antagonistic in his status as the center of attention, and was pitted against a much more straightforwardly heroic character who was on more equal footing with the rest of the neighbors. i Suspect that if any of what i just said comes into play, then perhaps the current iteration of welcome home is the way it is because it leaves room to acknowledge that even people who are hurt by this upholding of stagnation as the ideal willingly perpetuate it anyway, for a number of reasons.

BUT to get back to the actual ask: since we have no idea what's actually gonna happen in welcome home at this point in time, let's say that none of what i just talked about comes up even once and that the concept of The Home is really what we should be focusing on here wrt the religious symbolism, or at least that the two are not mutually exclusive. in this case, i think it's less that the houses themselves are metaphors for deities and more that, like - the importance of homes in the world the neighbors live in is so great that the only way it can be expressed in terms that a human could understand would be through the lens of religious/spiritual beliefs. i am intrigued by the idea that each neighbor has their own relationship to this belief though, and how that may effect their environment in the future. Much To Think About.

[thisstableground]

im super invested in the fact that various extra materials have stated that bruno used to be the golden child until things started going to shit when he was a teenager, and i am very on board with the implication that i’ve seen others mention where its like, him being sort of blunt and too honest about that stuff is seen as cute and precocious when he’s a kid, and becomes less so as he gets older. and there’s also the general social change inthe encanto as they move further away from the circumstances that brought them there as generations who never experienced the outside world firsthand grow up.

but it also occurs to me that perhaps another reason why things would have been so different with his visions and his relationship to the town when he’s young is because if a five year old is having a vision, chances are, he’s not going to understand a lot of the context of what he’s seeing, but nobody would expect him to. so it was far more likely that someone, whether that’s alma or whoever he was doing visions for, would be there to help him interpret it or discuss it because frankly otherwise i don’t think you’re gonna get a lot of sense out of that at all, five year old logic can be very convoluted. i don’t know if this predates the sand ritual that allows others to literally see what he is seeing, but even them sitting with him and asking patient questions and redirecting his attention to certain things and giving him some suggestions would be something, like when you sit with a kid who is learning to read and let them sound out the letters and let them mistakes then once they’ve done that, you guide them to the right answers.

but then at some point expectations started to change and it went from being a collaborative “okay, lets sound this vision out together” effort, to it being something that they expect bruno to do by himself, because he’s older now and because it’s His Responsibility and because all of the kids’ gifts slowly become less of a collaborative effort alongside the townsfolk and more of a thing that the town relies on as a crutch.

and i can’t see alma necessarily being the most understanding if, say, 16 year old bruno asks her to help him interpret like she used to when he was ten years younger - and getting “aren’t you old enough to do that yourself by now??” as a response is like. the fastest way to discourage someone from ever asking for help again.

so he just tries his best to do it entirely by himself, and that’s so much extra pressure on him, not just to see things that might be very upsetting to witness, but to understand them and to not miss anything and to convey them clearly and accurately when we know that what he sees is pretty cryptic and out of order. and then if the bad visions are the result of him feeling bad in general then that’s a very self-perpetuating cycle

idk, i think it’s just so sad how we can see how much of a difference having someone else to help him interpret what he’s seeing makes with mirabel giving him an assist, both in terms of actually interpreting the events, seeing further than he had been able to, and in terms of his emotions (i gotta imagine it’s very, very rare that he’d get as excited about most of his visions as he was at the end of the one he did in antonio’s room). like, i’m pretty sure seeing the future is always gonna hold some level of trauma to it but i wonder how much could’ve been alleviated if he hadn’t also been trying to go it alone.

[rivetgoth]

The wasp suburban nuclear family lifestyle just seems so inconceivably, deeply depressing to me. I don’t really care to judge the happiness of others so I’m not trying to come across like I am “better than others” for my preferences over theirs—especially things that I can totally fathom are very much incredibly special milestones for people like marriage, childbirth, moving into your dream home and forming community with your neighbors, etc—but my god on a personal level that just sounds like a fate worse than death to me. I would rather die than put aside my own life for a child to be quite honest. There is no wonder in that at all to me. I don’t dream of big houses or quiet neighborhoods marketed as “safe.” I struggle enough as it is with the inner turmoil of working a job that has a relatively Professional veneer and holds a pretty significant amount of responsibility in its title even while doing everything else that I do, I can’t imagine submerging oneself into that world fully, I can’t imagine desiring a lifestyle that doesn’t include art and adventure and risks and pain for the sake of better developing and crafting the self, and trying weird new drugs and weird new kinks and weird new clubs with weird new bands performing to small audiences of perpetually adventurous people also in their endless era of crafting the self the same way they craft their style and curate their music taste, who don’t know how to go home and put a lot of thought into how they dress while barely ever wearing an outfit that costs over $50. Idk.

[gvmrot]

Separatist anon here - its funny to me when osa women get mad at me bc there are lots of women throughout history & around the world who were celibate and they didnt do it for a political reason - they did it bc they cherished their freedom. I didnt know separatism was a practice but Ive been doing it for a long time without even knowing it was a radfem thing. I did it bc I love myself more than anything

"Separatist anon again: sleep3r4gent(.)tumblr(.)com/post/687397324261064704/why-do-you-dislike-the-term-internalized-misogyny#notes - this is how i feel about osa women"s victim complex. Im tired of them refusing to take accountability of how theyve harmed other women"

Linked post (idk how to add images to asks if i even can anymore lol) Anon Question: Why do you dislike the term internalized misogyny? I thought it just meant internalized sexism? OP's Answer: "bc it’s annoying, diverts attention and ultimately means nothing. theoretically all misogynist beliefs a woman holds are “internalized misogyny”, even when it’s things that dont currently affect her and possibly never will like thinking masculine women arent “real women”. by calling it internalized misogyny you’ve directed the conversation from whats at hand, a woman being sexist to other women and perpetuating misogyny, to be about her internal feelings (or your supposition of her internal feelings) and how we have to be nice to her. the abuser was abused in the past type shit, it’s obnoxious like even if it’s worth talking about, now is not the time when you’re talking about the victims or general impact of their actions lmao. also theres an assumption that internalized misogyny directly translates to self hatred. could not be further from the truth, how many countless cases have we heard of of anti choice women who got abortions themselves because “their case is ok” and kept being anti choice? or victim blaming women who have suffered sexual abuse themselves yet treat other victims as lying bitches unlike them pure truthful victims? srsly stop coddling these women, theyre not suffering from bigotry they are just perpetuating it. the concept of self directed misogyny is real and worth talking about and helping women with but it’s not the same thing as what people currently consider “internalized misogyny” to be"

------

For the first part, I agree. It is a little funny because these women, being self proclaimed radical feminists, I'm sure at some point have come to the realization that male oppressive tactics are not isolated to one or just a few areas of the world, it's seen all over the world and is recognized in all kinds of species. Males have an inherent need to control, I think we can all agree on that. We see it everywhere. What benefit/s do women receive from pairing themselves with men? If we are wanting liberation from men, how are we supposed to do that when there are women who refuse to sleep with men? Can't even suggest a sex-strike during the threat of Roe v Wade being overturned without some women acting like we're trying to take away their rights. I have to ask, is it a right to sleep with the enemy? Why do you want that as a right? We should all want to seek freedom so we CAN cherish it, but how can you do that while having romantic relationships with the exact thing that takes freedom away from you? Is it "not all men", I wonder? I thought it was enough? Not enough men to completely separate from them, though?

For the second part, I mostly agree with OP. I think I need to know a little more context to be able to form my own opinion, but just from seeing what happened yesterday how quick an osa woman was to call lesbians misogynists and accuse them of blaming her for her abuse because we said feminism shouldn't be about hating men it's about loving women, and i dared to ask the question if you hate men so much and have these experiences why continue to seek companionship with them, not blaming them for their past experiences but asking why CONTINUE, i'm a misogynist for somehow assuming osa women don't deserve companionship (which isn't at all what I said.) anyway i don't want to get too off topic, but I do see that these women with these victim complexes are very quick to lash out/perpetuate misogyny when their own decisions are questioned. I just feel like at some point you have to realize there isn't going to be "the one good man" and should start to focus your feminism on PLATONIC companionship with women. (have to clarify or i'll get accused of spouting poliles rhetoric)

[roseserpentpress]

A tongue-in-cheek Kakashi x Iruka anthology modelled after icha icha paradise. I kept reading about Kakashi's love of erotica (and icha icha), while reading, well, erotic kakairu fanfiction. As a result I kept going 'same hat' (although I'm probably not going to be in public reading it. It's not subtle, although it'd be fun to see who would recognize it?) and then had this idea as a result. I've always loved subtle breaks in the third wall and self-containing/perpetuating systems, so this really tickled me. I may or may not be planning to do the entire icha icha series as kakairu anthologies and most definitely have not started on icha icha violence, idk what ur talking about.

Edit: click to see Icha Icha Violence, Icha Icha Innocence, Icha Icha Tactics and the series master post.

Icha Icha Paradise Anthology Fanfiction list:

A Heat-seeking Cuddle Octopus (4k, G)

It wasn't that Iruka wasn't willing to share a tent with his squad leader. It's just that he wished that Kakashi wasn't such a cuddle-octopus in his sleep.

Responsible, forever, for what you have tamed (4k, M)

Kakashi gets hit with a Jutsu and becomes feral.

Always Only One Night (6k, M)

Iruka has a one-night stand with a man whose face he has never seen before. Only it's not just one night, and there is something about the man that seems familiar, if he could just figure out what.

The Heart that Hungers (7k, T)

With Naruto away training life for Umino Iruka had gotten quiet, but that quiet had been broken up periodically by the kindness of Hatake Kakashi, who discreetly delivered him letters from their mutual student whenever he got the chance. Which was great, amazingly thoughtful even, but the problem lay within the fact that it made Iruka's heart starved for more. For Kakashi. And so he kept a polite distance, didn't let on to feelings he had no right to have for someone as incredible as Hatake Kakashi. But the universe had a way of setting things right, of pushing people like Iruka, who deserved more than they gave themselves credit for.

Enter Senju Tsunade, Godaime Hokage of Konohagakure, and resident overly-stressed medical professional who could not take another second of Kakashi being a reckless idiot. She assigns the most caring man she knows to care for the most infuriating man, official mission scroll and everything, and calls it a day. And while Iruka takes the assignment (though whether it was willingly is up for debate) he can't help but wonder if he can survive a week in the company of the man his heart hungers for.

Fine Point of a Blade (9k, E)

Iruka’s body froze as terror gripped his heart. With claws. He watched a gloved hand deftly pluck the blade out of the air, bringing it up to a porcelain mask painted with red, waved lines. ANBU.

A strange meeting with an ANBU in his childhood leads Iruka down a life-changing path.

Willful Concealment (13k, E)

“Are you planning to keep my hair tie?” Iruka asked suddenly, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“I’m holding it prisoner for crimes against the citizens of Konoha.”

“What are the charges?”

Kakashi smiled, twirling the band around his forefinger like a kunai. “Perjury and willful concealment.”

Iruka huffed and shook his head, lips thinning in a way that made Kakashi think he was holding back a grin. “You know, if I’d realized you had such a thing for long hair, I would have started wearing mine down years ago.”

Kakashi’s thumb caught the hair band, halting its revolution.

“Years?”

(Or, in which Iruka asks for a single night, and gets a whole lot more.)

Worst Mission Ever (21k, T)

“Iruka, how would you feel about taking on a solo mission for me?” Sandaime asked.

Thrown by the change of topic, Iruka blinked at him.

“What do you want me to do?” he asked.

“Befriend Hound.”

A Stupid Favour (33k, Not rated- I'd say M or E tho)

"Iruka-sensei! Do you have a moment?"

"Yes? Tsunade-sama?" Iruka's voice came, drawing closer with every syllable.

"Someone has a stupid favor to ask you."

Shifting cloth and more clicking of shoes said Tsunade had come back into the room, followed by another person, whom Kakashi assumed was Iruka.

"The brat either needs to stay in the hospital or to have a babysitter for two days," Tsunade said bluntly.

OR, in which Kakashi is blind and sans chakra for two days but is desperate to find a way to leave the hospital until his sight and chakra can be restored.

[plan-d-to-i]

1-people forget that in the universe MXTX created it is stated that YZY's situation is not normal, it is a patriarcal society so wives don't keept their names nor do whatever the fuck they want and they certainly don't humiliate their husband without even being told off, she's uniquely horrible and JFM is uniquely spineless. i always think JFM did love and worried about WWX but that last interaction he threw him under the bus to appease JC so his last memory would cement that he did love him

2- bc he didn't have more time to keep trying to make him understand and i always wonder how things with JC could have been fixed, easiest would be having had the balls to get rid off YZY early but if he divorced her (or got her killed lol) would JC have been different? or would he resent him even more for not protecting his mother? idk i feel like JFM was cursed from the moment he accepted to marry her and i can't help feeling bad for him

LOVE THIS. So I agree w like 99.9999% only my feelings over JFM change every five minutes. I never hate him but I vacillate wildly between i feel like he could've done more and ig he was himself a trapped in that situation so it's unfair to hold him fully accountable.

Madam Yu is an undeniably violently abusive woman who has married a kind, non-confrontational man. Most of JFM's flaws are only seen as 'flaws' instead of qualities because they framed as ineffective against someone as rank as her. I wouldn't even say he's spineless, because he does cancel YanLi's engagement for fear that it will make her as unhappy as his own marriage made him & effectively stands against his wife's demand on top of also passing on a very beneficial alliance w Jin Clan. (In fact Jin GuangShan is way more reluctant at the thought of taking this news to Madam Jin.)

Abusive relationships have their own dynamics so it's hard watching from the outside how JFM's resignation to his circumstances and avoidance are ineffective against, someone like YZY who materializes like a storm cloud to rain her venom down on everyone, especially WWX. Because WWX is not only bearing the scars piled on his back from YZY's whippings/'discipline' but he's trapped in a perpetual balancing act between JFM, YZY, jc and to an extent Yanli. He has to make JFM proud/see the value in keeping him around & at least in the beginning of his stay with the Jiangs we know he always tries to eat/take less than he needs, but he can't be so good & talented that jc feels threatened or set Madam Yu off. At the same time Yanli rewards him with soup and affection when he takes the fall for jc his first day there. This definitely establishes a pattern wherein WWX sees his usefulness within the Jiang sect in diverting punishment for the failings of those around him, especially jc, to himself. She also repeatedly asks him to just accept jc’s shifty behavior as a representative of his affection... bc she's a huge fucking enabler, which probably doesn’t bode well for how she’s come to interpret affection.

As for YZY she's the only one who paints herself a victim, when it's clear she's the instigator of the conflicts!!!! She’s literally the bad guy, boss, fly in the ointment etc. There's a lot of gaslighting in her interactions with JFM so I'm confused as to why people think that of everyone she's the reliable narrator or some poor sad victim of an uninterested husband??? She clearly does as she pleases in Lotus Pier, yells at JFM in front of Servants, accuses him of fathering a child with his friend's wife, she whips the head disciple for imagined infractions with a spiritual weapon! and pretty much just chills w her ladies when she isn't busy spewing venom wherever she goes. WITH NO REPRECUSSIONS. If JFM had been a woman and YZY the man I'm sure all her cringe stans would be frothing at the mouth to drag her(yzy) to hell by the balls.

People love to accuse JFM of favoritism towards WWX or showing him more affection. To me it's clear that for JMF, WWX is simply an extension of his father/friend & ultimately a subordinate in the Jiang household. JFM clearly cares about jc, it's not his fault that jc doesn't get it, and it's not his fault that YZY is always poisoning their relationship. JFM for his part is still trying to guide jc towards how he's meant to occupy his future position as Clan leader, quite gently too considering jiang cheng was berating WWX for saving their allies... I’m sure if anything JFM hoped WWX’s morality and sense of right and wrong would rub off a bit on jc & why wouldn't you want someone immensely talented and loyal and devoted to the well being of your son and family around?? JFM did a nice thing getting WWX off the streets but that doesn’t mean he also didn’t think WWX could be a good friend to jc who when WWX is first brought to Lotus Pier has ZERO friends, and was likely to remain with zero friends considering his personality. Only someone like WWX who is forced by circumstances, & his kind nature & gratitude to the Jiangs would be in a position to befriend him. So I think it's laughable to say JFM favors WWS when WWX was the sacrificial lamb friend/pet JFM gifted his son. Not to mention that the only person who says JFM doesn't properly value jc is again YZY. Ofc jc takes to like a duck to water because he's cut from the same cloth as his rancid mother and it's much easier to blame WWX for all his failings and misfortunes than to take a good hard look at himself or ever take responsibility for anything. jc doesn't do self reflection. There isn't any scenario where jc would have been a good person. He's lacking basic human empathy. His view of the world has him as its center. He can only relate to things as they concern and affect him and he doesn't even possess a modicum of honor that might keep such selfish impulses at bay.

To conclude, I totally agree. JFM cursed himself the moment he let himself be coerced by YZY and her Clan into marrying a person whose character and values he knew ran so deeply counter to his and his Clan's own. Sure enough under the control of jiang cheng, the original spirit in which Jiang clan was established is gone. It's a place devoid of warmth that people are scared to visit lest they be confronted w the screams of people being flayed alive.

[silverswanqueen]

I mostly disliked RWBY since V3 because the dark turn and how they went about it I just subjectively didn't like(I was expecting it to be more akin to Harry Potter or Avatar The Last Airbender) and now its seems like its going through the same song and dance I've seen with Fate: Zero, Akame Ga Kill, Madoka Magica and Gen Urobuchi's other works. I get the points of those works, being righteous, moral, and noble in the face of tragedy, but I've just grown tired of it. But so many stans have built their ego and identity around these works that they can't allow anyone to openly and subjectively not like something anymore. And holy shit have I never felt the brunt of that than from the RWBY loyalists.

idk I'm not pretending I am speaking objectively here, but I feel like the very fact RWBY seems to becoming this kind of dark is what's drawing blind fanatics who hold it up as one of their secular religious texts and Monty as one of their patron saints, with the other works and writers being their other texts and prophets respectively

"It's awesome because its tragic and well-earned happy endings are bad"

One wonders how Inuyasha, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Harry Potter, The Star Wars Original Trilogy, or even Bram Stoker’s Dracula or Hammer's "The Devil Rides Out" would be received if they were made today and not back in the day.

Thanks for the ask and I hope my rambling isn’t confusing!

I definitely get where you’re coming from, and while I’m not familiar with Gen Urobuchi’s works I’ve seen the name enough to know there’s definitely a correlation there. I for one wasn’t necessarily upset with V3’s conclusion, but I was also much younger, didn’t have an attachment to Penny or Pyrrha like many did, and thought more would be done with the characters than what was accomplished. However, I recently did some research for my academics similar to this phenomena which I believe I can apply! However, I cannot say my explanation of it is the be all end all, because I cannot account for every RWBY fan who exhibits this behavior, so take it as you will haha.

There’s a certain pocket of literature/media that focuses on what’s referred to as the “Grimmdark,” I believe, and I’ve seen shows fall back into this phenomena of “everything must be hopeless and tragic, every victory must be pyrrhic,” and while that’s definitely a narrative you can go with, it’s spread to multiple fan bases and media over recent years. This narrative is an “infection,” since lots of social phenomena can be synonymous with an infecting trait. I compare it to Teresa Brennan’s “Transmission of Affect,” a huge study on social phenomena and how (and this is me paraphrasing) humans respond physically to social situations, meaning while the “process” is social and origin, its effects are “biological and physical,” which we can see with RWBY loyalists. They respond to the Grimmdark social infection and alter themselves (i.e. identification and physical response) to require this sort of social engagement. This altering of self is done unconsciously, and while I don’t want to get into the agency of self, the self is affected by environment, and the environment of the Grimmdark, as a result, directly influences the self. They are “infected” with the Grimmdark, and thus must engage with it. Now this isn’t bad, since the transmission of affect exists and works on all of us in many ways, but it can breed some negative results, and I think the RWBY fandom is one of them.

Now, to preface here, I’m not bashing Monty. I was still an avid fan when he passed, and I still look up to Monty to this day because of his talent and passion as an animator. But Monty… he wasn’t what I would call the best storyteller, because he was very impulsive. He would think of something, hot potato it to Miles and Kerry, and sometimes the additions would break canon a bit. Add this in with the transmission of affect which has already been in the works with the Grimmdark storytelling for some time, and it eventually attracts those “infected” by it, and as a result, breeds a toxic environment. It’s completely fine to like the Grimmdark and be, as I say, “infected” by it, but to allow this fascination with it to declare a subjective view of how storytelling should be as objective is the exact issue the fan base of RWBY has.

RWBY has fundamental writing flaws and thrown in ideas that aren’t implemented in such a way to flow coherently with the rest of the currently set narrative and world-building, and often breaks the canon that leaves the loyalists scrambling to pick up the splinters and create headcanons that allow the world-building to remain untarnished for them. This is what causes the disconnect, because those that cling to the Grimmdark as the objectively correct way to tell a story are not only trying to say it must be dark, but also the way it was written, aka the method in which we’ve gotten to this dark conclusion, is the way it must be. This is where the issue is, because they see criticism as an attack on the Grimmdark and not a critique of the writing mechanics utilized within the Grimmdark.

Subjective criticism is suddenly viewed as attacks on things that are objective. And this is one of the huge problems that many fanatics won’t understand they’re perpetuating, or simply don’t care that they are perpetuating this issue. The Grimmdark is fine, but the Grimmdark is not the be all end all of storytelling.

I could ramble more, but this is getting a bit lengthy. Essentially, yes, you’re right, they cannot allow someone to subjectively dislike it, because to them, there’s nothing subjective about it.

[harryhoney-bee]

can you explain how one knows if they are a sub, dom, or a switch?

i'm asking because here recently i've been thinking about what am i and have no clue. (not that i need to know right now but its really just my curiosity)

in my everyday life i love to be in control and control people.(sometimes people call me controlling but its just in my nature.) but idk, i feel like in bed i wouldn't have the confidence to be in control and even if i had confidence, i'd quite enjoy someone else taking the lead.

and one day in the future when i find a boyfriend and i feel comfortable with, i may enjoy being a dom if they were ok with that. so i guess i could see my self as more of as switch but i'm unsure. so yeah i was just wondering how people find out what they are or if you just naturally fall to one side more than the other?

There aren't any rules really!

dom: like to be in control of another person during a scene.

sub: like to be dominated by someone during the scene

switch: Like being dominant and being dominant, but not necessary during the same scene.

It all depends! During your day-to-day life, you can feel more secure being in control of things, but when it comes to your sexual life you might like to be a sub, you kind of find out as you go, you know?

It's not also something "perpetual" it can change depending on what stage in your life you are <33

[thislousytshirt]

i have been rly mad lately abt the whole "self deprecating humor is bad for you uwu" (if i put uwu after it that delegitimizes it right) i think it would be okay if the tone was like "hey guys youre great and all those terrible things you say about yourself arent true, youre wonderful and you should tell yourself that more" that would be fine, but naw its like "hey guys i know you THINK its a coping mechanism but saying bad things about yourself even as a joke is so bad for your brain and not only that but its so awkward and CRINGE when you do it" which is just... idk how other ppl feel about it but its just so awful to me.

there are several things wrong with this approach. for one its very guilt heavy, it evokes the "youre not taking care of yourself" guilt, and brings in how uncomfortable it makes other people. secondly it takes something thats a symptom of a mental illness and makes it into a cause, blaming the person for causing or perpetuating their own illness. which is not to say that symptoms cant be harmful but i think we understand when someone is self harming, its usually not appropriate or effective to finger wag at them to stop without offering any support to the underlying problem.

lastly... i mean, youre giving unsolicited psych advice to people you dont know. you have to be careful with that. if youre going to be so judgemental about it you might get the wrong takeaway. someones takeaway might be that their low self esteem is self inflicted, or expressing their negative self feelings is bad, or that they need to police themself for negative thoughts. my personal takeaway is "ah so its possible to indulge in self deprecation like an addiction" and/or "this is bad thoughts and behavior that make me a bad person"

theres lots of other personal problems i have with it starting with "i dont like it when strangers give me health advice" but also mainly...i personally have a lot of uses for self deprecating humor. it makes ME more sympathetic to myself by evoking the response i would have if someone else said the same thing. it maybe expresses feelings i wouldnt have otherwise expressed and gives me an opportunity to notice them and decide if these are things that even matter to me or if theyre really untrue. its also a hugely useful social trick around people who dont think very highly of me, or people who just cannot stand uppity people (you know, women & minorities) who think they have any skills.

are any of these things really good defenses of self deprecation? no i mean i dont think its the best ever, i just...im just so tired of being given advice in this tone. honestly please just stop telling me to have a better attitude on things. i dont appreciate it any more than i appreciate being told that wearing sweat pants is bad for my mental health which is a WHOLE OTHER THING OH MY G

[bebecue]

Hi rika! i saw u & another anon chatting abt the snow app and idols using it. i was just wondering what ur opinion is on non-idol (read: normal people who aren’t celebs) using the app? personally i use it bc i’m not confident with how i look & idk snow helps me in some areas

hey!! i'm gonna be a little brutally honest ok? i'm not a big fan of the snow beautification features purely because they perpetuate standards of beauty that can be dangerous - like youd look better if you have smoother and lighter skin, if you have bigger eyes, if your cheekbones were higher and god forbid you have a double chin. they tell you, "you'd be prettier if you looked like this"

but i'm gonna say, like with most things, these are harmless in moderation. i know we dont live in a perfect world where people dont judge you for your outward appearances and i know self-confidence is a tricky little thing that can be dependent on what people think of you, so i know its hard to put your face out there without any filters, and i hope what i say doesnt get in the way of your journey to finding that confidence.

at the end of the day, i'm not gonna come up to you or these idols to slap your phone out of your hands and tell you to stop using these filters - and just wanted to say i bet youre beautiful without them!

[essekknits]

idk if the prompt things still open but... dragon peter nureyev? or more ben lives au bc that was so good

Okay, listen. You can’t just drop such a perfect prompt on me and expect me not to write the absolute shit out of it.

I love it so much this became a full fledged multi-chapter story I am planning to continue.

And here’s the link to it on AO3, if you want to follow!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22684750/chapters/54219535

***

He didn’t know what he expected when he heard the clunking of metal, but a young knight in a beat up armour collapsed at his door wasn’t it.

Usually the knights that came to face him were older men, muscular and loud and full of brash courage and pompous self importance. This one wasn’t any of that. He was young and short, his armour and skin smeared with blood. He was also very, very unconscious.

What can one do when faced with a man like that besides helping him? He was intrigued, after all, and if there’s one thing dragons aren’t very good at it’s leaving the things they want.

You see, there are some misconceptions about dragons and their dwellings that people don’t seem to be able to get out of their heads.

First, dragons aren’t some mindless beasts. They aren’t the brutal, thoughtless disasters they were painted as in human culture. They were clever. Smart and quick and cultured. They had their own traditions, their music, their cultures. They were scholars, learned in magic and history and fighting. From a very young age they could shift their forms to more resemble those of humans, until they were able to hide among them.

Second, dragons didn’t live in musty stone caves filled with piles of gold like most would imagine. In fact, most dragons would be insulted at such thought. Dragon dens were the epitome of luxury, carved rooms in the inner caves covered with carpeted, decorated walls, bookcases, trinkets and knickknacks tastefully organised all around, with the brunt of the treasure in rooms properly made for that purpose. Dragons did love gold, but they also enjoyed beauty and comfort, and their dens reflected that.

The young dragon who was named Nureyev (or Peter, as his adoptive father used to call him before his death) picked up the young human in one clawed paw, clutching him close to his chest as he limped into the den. He charmed into existence a bed, human sized, complete with plush pillows and a soft, warm blanket. He lay the battered human in the bed, shifting into a more human form. He then grabbed some clean cotton and a bowl of water, and began cleaning his wounds, humming as he worked.

~~~

Juno didn’t expect to wake up feeling this warm. In fact, he didn’t expect to wake up at all. He hoped for a painless death, and instead got life and a dull ache where he should’ve felt the sharp bite of the steel that cut his skin and flesh. He kept his eyes shut, trying to get a feel for where he was. He fell unconscious at the mouth of a cave, and now… he could hear roaring flame, and soft steps, and the rustling of fabric.

“Good morning, sir knight. I hope you are feeling well.” A voice called, soft and deep and melodic. It was a voice Juno wouldn’t have minded waking up to every day, and wouldn’t have minded dying to either. The stranger already knew he was awake, so what did he have to lose?

He opened his eyes, and was stunned.

On a first glance, the man in front of him looked fairly normal, if extremely beautiful. He was tall and slim, with high cheekbones and dark hair. His clothes were a deep red fabric, heavy and rich and velvety, and he wore golden jewelry adorned with precious gemstones, mainly rubies and garnets.

But on a second glance, you started noticing that things weren’t as they seemed.

His eyes had an alarming colour, like molten gold, shining even over his extravagant jewels. His skin looked slightly more golden than was natural, like it perpetually captured the glow of the sunset. But it was his teeth that gave him away. Just a bit too sharp to be human, he had a smile that made him seem like he was happy to see him, and like he would be just as happy to kill him.

Luckily for Juno, this was not his first time meeting a dragon. Growing up, one of his best friends was a dragon, living in hiding among humans after their whole tribe was destroyed. But Sasha was very different from this man. She was cold, quiet and serious, with black hair and black eyes and small obsidian jewelry she could easily hide. In her dragon form, Sasha was still small and black, her dark scales shimmering in the light and her sleek form built for speed, like she was born to pierce the sky.

“What’s that, sir knight, lost your tongue?” The man chuckled, gracefully sitting on the bed besides Juno. Because it was a bed he was on, and he was covered with a soft blanket. This was… more comfort than he ever had, more or less. His wounds also seemed to have been bandaged, and he was stripped of his armour and left in his underclothes, a loose linen shirt and a knee length braie. He would be embarrassed if not for the immediate threat that was the dragon in front of him, expecting an answer.

“Uhhh, no. You didn’t get that lucky.” He retaliated quickly, earning a delighted chuckle from the dragon. “Thank to you. For your help.” Juno pulled himself up, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I was simply curious about the mysterious stranger who passed out at my door. May I know your name, now?” The dragon raised an eyebrow, and Juno barely hesitated to answer. He wasn’t a good enough liar to trick a dragon. Not to mention that he didn’t even really want to lie. Again, he didn’t have anything to lose.

“Juno. Juno Steel.” He answered, and the dragon chuckled.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful knight. My own, I’m afraid, isn’t quite so unique. Rex Glass, it’s a pleasure.” He licked his lips, eyeing Juno in a way that wasn’t all unpleasant. “But where are my manners, I forgot to even offer you water!” He laughed, charming a mug of water in front of Juno’s stare, offering it to him.

“Neat trick.” Juno took the mug, suspicious. He hesitated to drink.

“Oh please, I didn’t poison you, Juno. I took you in when you were unconscious, didn’t I? Dressed your wounds, looked after you… if I wanted you dead, you wouldn’t have woken up.” Glass rolled his eyes.

“Not why I was hesitating.” Honestly, Juno wouldn’t have minded. “Just wondering if this is a transmutation or a summoning. Or something else entirely. Every person has a different way of getting the same thing done, and transmutated water tastes like dirt.” He put the mug to his mouth, drinking it all in one swig. He was really thirsty.

“Oh? A knight who dabbles in magic? This is something I haven’t seen yet.” Glass tilted his head, and Juno shook his head.

“Not much of a magician myself. Not much of a knight too, if we’re talking about it already. But thanks for the water. Definitely not transmuted.” He gave him a half smile, thinking of the people who he first learned of magic from. His thoughts briefly went to Sasha and her instinctive, meticulous magic, but they soon turned away from her, to his twin brother. Benzaiten’s magic was art, just like his dancing. Juno’s smile faded from his face, before he caught himself, shaking his head and returning his eyes to Rex. “So, how did you do it?” He asked, genuinely interested even if he was a bit distracted.

“Would you believe me if I told you that I just… willed it into existence?” The dragon’s teeth showed again in his smile. He was clearly dramatic, and loved a good story.

“Yeah, actually. I’ve seen magic do weirder things.” Juno shrugged, his voice distant, and the dragon frowned.

“Are you feeling well, Juno? You do seem a bit ill.” His head was tilted again, and his voice seemed genuinely concerned.

“Me? Yeah, I’m fine. Really. Just… injuries, you know? Got hit over the head, that kind of stuff leaves you all spinning sometimes.” Juno ran his fingers through his hair, careful or the area where a bandage covered it.

“I see. How about you go shower? There is a spring not far from here, and when you return I can check on those injuries.” Juno nodded, agreeing to be lead to the spring. Rex left a change of clothes with him, made of simple and comfortable cotton.

Juno couldn’t understand the situation. What does this dragon want? What could he possibly want? He took Juno in when he was injured, dressed his wounds, welcomed him in his den (because that was a dragon’s den if Juno has ever seen one. Which he hasn’t, but he heard the stories Sasha and her parents told). But dragons didn’t do things for no reason. What reason could this dragon, a being powerful enough to just will things into existence, and whose magic pulsed through the whole cave system, vibrating through Juno’s body with every breath, have for trying to help him?

The springs were naturally hot, located in a cave with high ceilings. The stone itself had veins of gold in it, and the light he carried with him shone on it, reflecting back and forth. If this was a human settlement, they would’ve ripped this mountain for its gold already. But this was a dragon’s den, and dragons had value for gold even when it was still in the vein, solely for its beauty and magical qualities. As Juno showered, he could feel his exhaustion peeling off with the grime and blood, magically disappearing. While this particular spring was quite small, Juno could hear larger ones in the depths. Maybe large enough for the dragon to soak in in his true form.

The dragon walked into the cave again once Juno was in his underclothes, this time not as overly dressed as he was before. He wore a white cotton shirt that seemed fitted for his measurements, and dark red pants the same colour as his previous attire. He knelt near Juno, summoning bandaged and some sort of ointment.

“Why are you doing this?” Juno asked quietly, not looking at the man who was currently bandaging his wounds. He tried to tell him he can do it himself, but Glass wouldn’t budge.

“Well, why not? You’re injured and tired, Juno. It would be irresponsible of me as a host to let you go untreated.” His voice was quiet and professional. “Now sit still and let me finish. Then we can go eat.” Juno let him do as he wished, then got fully dressed and followed him back to where they came from.

The food was all on a low table, surrounded by large cushions. Juno wasn’t used to so much food in the same place. This kind of plenty, in general, wasn’t something he was familiar with. But still, he sat at the table besides Rex, they ate, and the conversation flowed. Rex was… charming. His eyes were hypnotising, and he had a certain scent to him, like spices from a far off land, that’s Juno couldn’t quite put his finger on but couldn’t get enough of. Juno thought… he might be okay with it. With being here, with this dragon.

~~~

“So, would you tell me what brought you here, Juno? I am curious.” Nureyev asked, lounging on a pillow and comfortably leaning toward Juno.

“Let’s just say the knights don’t particularly like me.” He sighed tiredly. “I hit the head knight in the face. Tried to expose his corruption, but even though I brought evidence, nobody cared. So they kicked me and started threatening to kill me if I don’t shut my mouth.” He shrugged, like he didn’t care, but his eyes said otherwise.

“That sounds cruel, Juno, I’m sorry for this.” He put a hand on the knight’s, gently tracing his bruised knuckles with his thumb. Everything about this human was fascinating. Usually he didn’t care for humans much. They were there to be exploited or ignored or fought. Nothing more. Nothing like… like this knight, open and hurting and quick witted and with so much sadness in him.

“Well, it is what it is.” He shrugged again, adamantly avoiding Nureyev’s gaze in a way that was almost amusing, and Nureyev took as a challenge.

“So, what will you do now?” He asked, tilting his head at Juno as he put a grape in his mouth, letting it burst between his teeth.

“I… I don’t know. Probably run somewhere else. It’s pretty clear that if I stay around, they’ll kill me. The only reason I survived was because I know the catacombs well, and no one else would go in them.” Juno’s eyes were cast aside, ashamed and tired.

“Well… life can wait one night, can’t it? Come here, Juno.” Nureyev smiled softly at the knight, eyes hooded and posture inviting. He didn’t even need to charm him magically, but Juno looked… almost compelled. He closed the distance between them, and Nureyev pulled him in for a kiss.

This human knight tasted of mead and honey and blood, and fit so easily in his arms that it just felt right. Like it was meant to be, and Juno Steel was always supposed to end right there, in his arms. Like it was only a matter of time, and they would do the same thing in every universe out there.

“Don’t you get tired of pretending?” Juno murmured against his lips as they pulled away, and Peter looked into his deep brown eyes that seemed so warm and so sad.

“What do you mean?” He tilted his head to the side, curious. There was no way he could know. Nureyev was very good at disguising himself, at appearing like a rich, slightly eccentric human. There is no way a knight in his early 20’s would uncover his disguise.

“Pretending to be human.” Juno pulled away just a little further, pinning him with his gaze. He didn’t look like he was running away, though, and that was unusual. “Cut the games, Rex. You’re not the first dragon I met.” His voice was dull and distant, like he wasn’t all there. It wasn’t a knight bragging about the amount of dragons he killed. It was just… acknowledgement. He didn’t look like he was going to attack.

“That… does seem familiar, yes. I must admit, you are not reacting with as much… violence, as I’ve come to expect from a knight.” He confessed, not making any move toward or away from Juno. This was it, either the knight runs, or attacks him, or… well, Nureyev didn’t want to entertain the last option too much, not wanting to be burned by false hopes. 

“Why would I react with violence? Hell, you’re the first person I met in days that didn’t want me dead.” Juno sounded a bit sad about that, but only faintly.

“Isn’t this what knights do?… slay the beast?” Nureyev asked carefully. His own parents were killed by knights, or… or so Mag told him. Then again, everything else the man told him was a lie, so why would this be any different? He was still bitter and hurting.

“Even if they do, I don’t care about that. I don’t do this. One of my childhood best friends was a dragon. She lived in hiding in the city. I don’t… I don’t fear dragons more than I should.” Juno’s eyes were cast down, and Nureyev didn’t know whether he wanted to ask him for further clarification or just fight him. Luckily for him, asking for more clarification appeared to be a sure way to start a fight. 

“And how much should you fear dragons, sir knight?” He asked, head tilted and tongue as sharp as his teeth. He sounded dangerous, and that’s exactly what he was going for. Slowly, he let more and more inhuman features grow on him. His teeth sharpened even more, the pupils of his eyes turned into vertical slits, and deep golden scales surrounded his eyes and dusted his cheeks. Horns started growing back from his head.

“A lot, but not enough that I’ll attack someone who was kind to me and never tried to hurt me.” Juno’s voice cooled down considerably too. Up until now, he was still using that soft, vulnerable tone, deep and golden and warm. Now his voice was rough, jagged steel. defensive like a wounded animal licking its wounds, lashing out at anyone who would come too close, whether friend or foe. Nureyev almost regretted riling him up like that, He was beautiful like this, but there was pain in the way he carried himself now, sitting up stiffly instead of leaning comfortably on the pillows.

“You are welcome to stay or leave as you please, Juno. I will not hold you captive.” Nureyev eventually said, met with only a small nod from this human knight. He knew the human would leave, deciding to leave a note for him to find in his bags.

While we didn’t separate on the best of terms, my offer to you still stands.

I do hope to see you again, Juno Steel.

signed, yours truly,

Peter Nureyev

[bigskydreaming]

I mean, here’s the thing....

I’m more than capable of writing positive Batfam posts, meta deep dives that don’t dwell overlong on negativity, serious content, light hearted content, content about each and every one of the Batfam....anyone familiar with just a few different samples of my posts knows I do not lack for topics to happily ramble on about for absurd lengths. Hell, I’m pretty sure there’s a direct correlation where like, the less negative emotions I have about the content I’m writing, the LONGER it ends up being.

So its not like I particularly need or want to be the ‘loud angry scary adult cis white man yelling at kids’ to have something to say or talk about. Or that I particularly like that state of mind. I’m certainly not unaware of my privileges or that I can be off-putting or not someone everyone wants to be around on here. Its actually something I put a lot of thought into regularly, as personal accountability is such a big deal to me, and that certainly includes my own. There are times where I’ve looked back on something and thought yeah, I definitely could’ve dialed it down there.

But not gonna lie, given that personal accountability is kinda My Theme and I DO put a lot of time and effort into being self-aware and taking care not to cross certain lines, whether you believe me or not or agree with where I draw my lines or not....

Its more than a little obnoxious to regularly see my positive posts and my emotion-neutral meta posts and even my negative critical of canon posts take off and get hundreds of notes in just a couple of days....

But without fail, any time I so much as suggest that fandom’s perpetuating some of the very same toxic tendencies I criticize canon for, with the extension of that thought being hey fandom, unlike canon and how its written, we actually can do something about how we write these very same matters and slowly but surely normalize reader resistance to canon still perpetuating those ideas in the future, and maybe someday even they might buy a vowel and realize hey, our audience does not like what we’re selling here.

*Shrugs* Or maybe not. But even SOME changes to how specific problematic tropes and dynamics are being written in fandom currently could still only be an improvement, is all I’m saying.

Except, every time, without fail, no matter HOW I go about saying it, how polite, mild, civil, non-accusatory....its either crickets or immediate heels dug into the sand as often the very same people who commented on my neutral meta with variations of ‘this is pretty insightful’, like at the mere SUGGESTION its worth taking a more critical look at their own content to see what they might unknowingly be perpetuating and like....the very idea of asking fic writers to be more accountable for what toxic tendencies we perpetuate within our own creative works, even just among our own far more limited platforms....

Its like... HOLD UP! I AM BEING ATTACKED! WITHOUT CAUSE! WHY DO YOU HATE THE FANS? WHY AREN’T YOU SAYING ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT THE ACTUAL COMICS???

And its just like....uh....I did. I do. You were there. You were saying I was making some really good points. But without calling any individuals out or making specific insinuations or personal attacks....I am suddenly just the most unreasonable of the unreasonables, because I dared say “hey, we can’t do anything about what canon writes, but we can do something about the things we write, and actually transform some of the more problematic tendencies and dynamics from canon into things that benefit all the characters and all the fans.”

But nah. Without exception, those posts either get nada or they get vitriol, no matter my own linguistic volume....and meanwhile, posts I made just before them and just after them are now hitting the thousand notes mark. So I kinda can’t help but wonder, is the problem really that I magically lose all ability to grasp supremely basic concepts and start spewing irrelevant gibberish anytime I’m critical of fandom specifically? Or.....just spitballing here....is it at ALL possible that maybe I’m not as much of the problem there as you want to make me about to be?

Like, say what you will about how toxic my more negative, angry posts can be, but personally, I think artificial positivity is just as toxic....plastering a ‘I see nothing wrong here’ sign with a smiley face over a bunch of mold doesn’t actually accomplish anything but allow that mold to fester and grow even further, without notice, until it becomes too widespread to ignore anymore at which point its usually rooted so deep its impossible to get out.

So yeah. I get angry, the all caps come out, and the volume level of my posts on those subjects rises. Its something I’m aware of and something I’m okay with and stand by with certain posts and that I decide I’m not okay with and keep an eye against repeating with certain other posts. Its a process, it doesn’t have an endpoint or finish line, and I’m okay with all of that.

What I’m NOT okay with though, and never will be, is the heat I draw for that and the condemnations and criticisms of my behavior and how toxic and unpleasant I make fandom with those posts....as though the tendencies I’m pointing out in them, by virtue of already being present throughout fandom, don’t already make it toxic and unpleasant in a lot of ways, for a lot of people.

But for all the times I have someone respond to me or call me out specifically for one of my angry posts that very deliberately are made with no specific individuals in mind, just generic references to fandom wide tendencies as a whole....there’s a whole lot of ‘helpful advice’ for all the things I should do different or better to avoid making fandom a more toxic place.....and not a hint of awareness that there’s anything at all they could be doing differently to make fandom less toxic than it already is in various ways.

So just saying, I’m kiiiiiinda not super keen on being lectured for my shit by people who are committed to the belief that their own shit doesn’t stink....WHILE AT THE SAME TIME, I have a good half a dozen positive or neutral meta posts still making the rounds through fandom and consistently picking up notes that according to the tags, generally seem to be viewed as adding positively to fandom in their own respective fashions.

Which basically from my perspective, makes things look like this:

Me: regularly contributes positive content that’s received positively by lots of different parts of fandom, not just the Dick Grayson stan corner of it, with zero negativity attached to these posts....regularly contributes meta content that’s deemed insightful and adding fresh viewpoints by lots of different parts of fandom, not just the Dick Grayson stan corner of it, again, with zero negativity attached because it doesn’t rely on putting down any other characters to make whatever points I’m after.....

....but then contributes posts that are critical of certain specific characterizations and viewpoints within fandom itself, without actually having a twelve step powerpoint presentation attached detailing ALL FANS MUST DO THIS INSTEAD....and instead I usually just include a spectrum of possible alternative takes.....

But wait! Nooooow comes the pushback. Which usually sounds like various forms of this:

Stop trying to police us! La la la la can’t hear you over the sound of your moral superiority complex! You just want us to do exactly what you want us to do which is gaslighting and the very same abusive behavior you talk about which makes you abusive!

And also, a bunch of changing the subject or avoiding addressing various points I raise completely.

Maybe you see my issue? I don’t need tips on how to be a positive fandom presence, I actually don’t have any trouble creating positive content or meta, a large amount of which is deemed insightful and humorous and otherwise well received....but the second I make a criticism of fandom and suggest there’s things fans could be doing differently to address the toxicity existing around various characters in various respects, instead of just keeping everything about DC’s flaws which none of us including me have any kind of platform to even reach DC with......

Suddenly I have ZERO idea what I’m talking about, I clearly don’t get the point of fandom, period, I’m obsessed with my own moral righteousness, and am like, so out of the ballpark misguided its not even funny, and I need all of this explained to me like a five year old, because everyone obviously should get that ‘we’re just fans, why are you blaming us for things we write specifically instead of DC who are getting paid as if that’s even the point?’

So yup. I get ticked off, I make more posts venting about being ticked off, rinse and repeat and my volume goes up.

And that’s it by the way.

You’ll notice, that’s kinda the worst that ever happens, because I literally have never done anything but....type posts with lots of capitalized letters. I don’t target specific individuals, I don’t harass people, I don’t @ specific fics or fic writers or urge people to flood their comments or ask boxes with callouts. I’ve never called anyone in this fandom names or made personal attacks other than the posts various people have felt targeted by because my description of specific tropes or tendencies I have a problem with apparently made them think I was talking about them I guess? Hmm. Weird.

So what’s the point of this post? Idk. Nothing really. Not trying to accomplish anything, just putting my thoughts out there as a way to work through them because like....that’s literally what I have this blog for, lmao. And FYI, I super don’t appreciate the tactic of condemning me for my quote unquote rage issues and framing all this as me yelling at kids on the internet....kids, specifically, and oh right, just screaming at people rather than addressing my own abusive behavior.

Since abuse is a hugely personal and important topic to me, let me just say accusing me of abusing generic fandom in general (since again, I haven’t actually made any of this personal about any individual with my fandom criticisms)....like, I’m quite willing to consider and address flaws in my own behavior when raised, but I’m not a fan of being called abusive in a context that demonstrates a complete lack of awareness as to what abuse actually is.

You don’t like me yelling on my blog? Fine, you don’t have to like it, or me. But abuse is the exploitation of a power differential, taking advantage of power one person has over the other, or that the other person just doesn’t have period. The fact that I am an adult cis white man does not make me aggressively capitalizing stuff in my own posts the same as “the same triggering position of the cisgender man who screams and makes kids feel scared and wince and hide from your posts.”

Like, lol, nice. Classy. I mean who cares right, that yeah, even acknowledging that we can legitimately sense tones and moods through even written text.....a person ranting on their internet blog is not remotely interchangeable with the physical presence of an adult cis white man loudly screaming in your face and with the potential for immediate consequences and harm. Does that mean the tone of my posts is above criticism? No. It means exactly what I said. The one is not the same as the other. 

Secondly, the repeated insistence on me yelling at kids...and this person I’m quoting isn’t the only one who’s done this, FYI, and its crap. Am I unaware that there are a lot of minors in fandom? No, I absolutely am not. Its why I make a point to check the blog of someone I’m replying to heatedly before I respond, to make sure they’re not a minor, and if they are, I don’t engage. So that I can categorically state, with complete certainty, I have never yelled at a kid in this fandom. Do my generic yells about ‘fandom’ not include kids then? Yeah, you could say kids are included there, though again I’d have to question why my criticisms of specific handlings of specific subjects somehow equates to me yelling at specific individuals, whom apparently are all kids and only kids. Like, framing my posts as being all about me screaming at kids specifically is a deliberate choice with a clear aim of making me look as bad as possible. This isn’t subtle.

Third, as an abuse survivor I’m keenly aware that doesn’t exempt me from being abusive myself, but it does mean I find it really fucking gross to be labeled abusive because my posts make kids feel scared and wince and want to hide from my posts. As someone who as a kid absolutely had to hide from their abuser in fear, I really, dearly would love to know what exactly it is about the capitalized sentences written by a man who couldn’t even pick a stranger’s URL out of a lineup, that’s so scary that kids, specifically, want to run and hide from the big bad posts. No, seriously. Go on. Please tell me what exactly it is about my screaming rage issues as conveyed by my posts, which pose any kind of threat or even the potential of threat for someone who I’ve never interacted with and only feels personally attacked by my posts by virtue of associating themselves with the behaviors or tendencies I’ve centered in those posts as the things I’m specifically angry about.

I also apparently am abusive because that’s what you call it when I gaslight or attempt to gaslight a fandom....which is apparently what you call it when my fandom policing tries to get everyone to do exactly what I want them to do. Which again is pretty interesting to me given that I’ve literally never told even generic ‘fandom’ at large to do anything in specific other than....’hey this thing I think is shitty and thus am criticizing shouldn’t be a thing, stop doing it.” Oh wait, I’m sorry, I also ask people to consider their creative impact and not insist on pretending everything we write exists in a vacuum and has no potential to carry harm, and just keep this in mind when making our creative choices. Still not sure how that’s demanding everyone do things exactly the way I want them, since the only clear and actionable request or demand in all of that is...omg....HE ASKED THAT WE THINK ABOUT THE STUFF WE WRITE, HOW COULD HE???

Like, literally, that’s the furthest any of my angry, rage-borne DEMANDS have gone: I’ve asked people apply more personal accountability to their own creative works and not take their potential impact for granted just because they’re a fic writer rather than a published one....and oh yeah, not engage in perpetuating certain tropes or dynamics I consider toxic.

Now, anyone is certainly welcome to disagree with my take on any or all of those tropes, tendencies or dynamics being toxic....but to do so, like, you need to actually DISAGREE AND MAYBE EVEN TELL ME WHY. But the overall refusal to engage with any of my posts criticizing certain fandom tendencies regarding the characters, other than to make it about my overall toxicity and RAGE.....like, that means that I keep making posts that include specific examples for what I’m describing and why I think they’re toxic, and nobody’s actually made any kind of case for me being wrong in any of those posts? So.....its not actually gaslighting to try and convince people these things I bring up are toxic....when I’m actually including reasons and examples of the things I’m talking about in order to convince people, and I’m not actually ignoring, evading or misconstruing counter-arguments....because nobody’s actually making counter arguments in the first place!! That’s not fucking gaslighting, that’s called EXPRESSING MY VIEWPOINT ON A MATTER.

And for the record, like I said earlier, abuse is the perversion or exploitation of a power differential. Try all you want, but you can’t claim I have power over myriad specific individuals I don’t even know EXIST without them interacting with me directly....power that I’m then exploiting just by yelling at stuff on my blog. Yes I’m aware of my overall privileges as a cis and white man. But none of those change a damn thing about the fact that I’m not actually yelling at anyone in specific and people reading my posts have to decide for THEMSELVES whether the thing I’m pissed about is a thing they do before they can even CLAIM to feel at all ‘targeted’ by my RAGE (with me still not being able to tell from that who any particular individual this might apply to is, and also, THATS NOT EVEN THE POINT OF ANY OF MY POSTS)....NOR do any of my privileges negate the fact that every single one of you exists in varying physical distances from me, unknown to me, and I have ZERO power to compel you to even read my posts in the first place, or to keep you from exiting your browser or app or even just going ahead and blocking me to be sure you’re ‘safe’ from the big bad abusive boogeyman and his posts of Gaslighting and Rage.

Me venting on my own damn blog, even knowing that other people can see what I post and share it if they want, is NOT the same thing as screaming in your face and making you want to wince and hide, no matter WHO you are. It just literally isn’t. Doesn’t mean you can’t have a problem with my posts or my tone, it just means what it says. Its not the same thing, they’re not interchangeable or even comparable, because NONE OF YOU ARE A CAPTIVE AUDIENCE. There are NO possible consequences to ignoring, disagreeing with or just scrolling past my posts, firstly because THERE’S ZERO WAY FOR ME TO EVEN KNOW THAT, IF I EVEN CARED. Nobody, kid or adult, can ever HIDE from my posts, because that would first require MY POSTS EVER BE ABLE TO FIND THEM. Whatever the hell THAT even means.

You’re not my prisoners. You don’t have to be here. You’re not even ACTUALLY HERE. Nobody owes me an audience, and honestly, the lack of one wouldn’t change all that much because I babble on all the time about shit none of my followers actually care about, because I post for ME first and foremost, and people from there are welcome to do whatever they want to do with my content, or do nothing with it at all. I literally don’t care, other than thinking its shitty that so many people find my content worthwhile except and until I get critical of fandom behaviors at which point they only engage with it to make it all about ME and MY toxicity instead of anything I actually posted about. Which I then...gasp...vent about. How dare I be angry in the space I cultivated for myself online and other people chose to look in on by their own choice because rather than being threatened or bullied into doing so, they found at least something I’d said interesting enough to be worth listening to hear what else I might say.

I HAVE ZERO POWER OVER ANY OF YOU. At most my posts hold some weight for the people who think I generally have interesting or insightful things to say, but that’s literally it, and that’s the result of me having said things they find interesting and insightful overall. I can’t MAKE anyone do anything, if I’d ever even tried to make anyone do anything other than actually LISTEN to what I ACTUALLY am saying on certain subjects and CONSIDER IT. So if we’re going to throw words like gaslighting around so carelessly, we might want to hold that one up next to the phrase ‘fandom policing’ I so often get accused of....as though I’m any kind of actual authority with actual power to actually enforce any actual agenda I even actually have.

Which brings me to the last thing I want to touch on, which is my supposed moral righteousness, that oozes all over everything I post and drowns out any good points I have to make, which again, apparently is just in terms of fandom criticisms, since every other point I’ve ever made in fandom seems to come through just fine.

Like.....tbh, I don’t really know what to do with the many times I’ve heard people say I’m self-righteous and obsessed with my own moral righteousness. Considering like...I’m not shy about acknowledging my flaws, I know perfectly well I can be loud and angry and aggressive in my posts and have talked plenty before about not being super proud of that, I’ve never claimed to be a saint and I don’t think my actions and choices are the gold standard everyone should adhere to. In fact, the only time I make a point to state what *I* do or did or what *I* think or believe....is when its directly relevant to something critical I’m saying.

And you think that’s because I want everyone to be aware of how moral and righteous I am? Fucking please, if I were as self-absorbed as you people make me out to be when giving me shit, I just wanna know when you think I’d have time to squeeze out 10K of random Batfam meta every other day, instead of being busy finding new things to say about myself.

Literally the only reason I make a point to bring up my own behavior or choices when criticizing others is because PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY IS THE CORE THEME OF LITERALLY EVERYTHING I SAY IN THIS REGARD.

And you know what personal accountability requires? A willingness to acknowledge and address your own behavior. Which is why its kinda hilarious the consensus seems to be I’m too up my own ass to even be aware of my own behavior or actions, given that the literal actual reason I bring up examples of what I did or think when making posts about personal accountability....is to stress that REGARDLESS of what those things were, I think its important to not just be talking out of my ass. But rather to emphasize I hold myself to the same expectations I’m asking other people to consider, I’m putting it out there and on the record, here’s what I did relevant to this matter I’m talking about and why I made that choice....see, I’m not asking anything of anyone else that I don’t expect to be held to myself. ITS NOT ABOUT TRYING TO IMPRESS PEOPLE WITH MY MORAL RIGHTEOUSNESS, ITS LITERALLY JUST ME TRYING TO ESTABLISH I’M NOT LOOKING TO BE A HYPOCRITE IN THIS REGARD, SPECIFICALLY.

Like, is maybe that unnecessary and counter-productive? Could be, its something for me to think about some more, but gotta tell you, its a little hard figuring out what will and won’t work when I’m STILL waiting on the first time someone actually engages me on an actual criticism I’m actually voicing about fandom.

*Shrugs* Whatever. Like I said, I don’t even know if this post has a point beyond just getting this all out of my head, so whatever. Make of it what you will. People will likely still just keep viewing me however they already do, for better or worse. Oh well. C’est la vie. Its not the end of the world anymore than any other post I make is, no matter how much RAGE I imbue it with. As I’ve always said, that’s literally the only reason for any of the posts I make ever...I’m just getting them out of my head and down on paper, so to speak, in whatever mood I’m feeling while thinking about that topic. Yeah, I phrase things for a generic fandom audience most of the time, other than when I’m talking to someone directly, but never have I made a post with an entitled and expectant belief that people will take every word I say literally and regard it as a directive for what they should do and how they should live their lives. Since, y’know, I don’t actually think I should be the ruler of everyone’s choices. 

Over and over I keep repeating, I just want people to put more THOUGHT into their choices, and keep in mind various contexts that yeah, I think are relevant to certain topics, sue me. Because the vast majority of creative choices I take issue with, I actually fundamentally believe are just the result of a lack of thinking critically or with a broader awareness of various implications or repercussions. Shocking though this may seem, I’m actually a big believer that humans are inherently good or at least have the capacity to be.

The thing that amps up my frustration and ticks me off so often is how much time and effort I end up wasting trying to get people to address the actual things I’m asking them to consider, instead of dancing around it and evading it in every way possible, not even like, as an attempt to counter it, just willfully refusing to let it be about the topic I ACTUALLY raised.

And yeah, just FYI, to whom it may concern, since this is so often relevant it seems.....gotta say, I find it particularly odious that WITHOUT FAIL, the very same people who carelessly throw out ‘don’t like don’t read’ as the catch-all solution to every issue anyone ever might have with something in fandom, as though its that simple.....

Time after time demonstrate a COMPLETE refusal or inability to take their own damn advice, since NONE of this would ever even come up if the loudest advocates of that system actually APPLIED it themselves. 

And simply....didn’t read my posts.

I fail to see why I’m expected to do what they don’t consider worth doing themselves, to spare themselves the aggravation (or fear) from reading my posts. Let alone interacting with them.

But whatevs. When do I ever know what I’m talking about anyway, lol, on account of all this RAGE I’ve got mucking with my head and objectivity.

Oh well, gotta go. KALEN SMASH!

[comicteaparty]

July 4th-July 10th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from July 4th, 2020 to July 10th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

What was an unexpected aspect of making webcomics you didn’t realize before making one yourself?

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

How much our comic and it's story we're going to change during the years of creation was the biggest and most jarring aspect for sure. There's scripts and thumbs that were all made before we ventured out to make GJS with paths completely different from what we initially thought we would take that have completely changed how we approach not only writing but reading webcomics too. Webcomics as a medium have the biggest connection to time, whether it be production or the consumption, they have this opportunity to exist and transform in the long hours it takes to enjoy and read them. It's honestly one of the biggest advantages imho. To see a story slowly unfold, listening to ur audience reactions, peer critiques, or new inspiration can make such a drastic and intense impact on a long form work- its both jaw dropping and humbling to be apart of!(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

For me it was the community aspect of comics. I knew a community existed on the reader side of things (comments!), but I didn't expect the creator side to be how it is! I don't know why, but for some reason I kind of always thought that all of us were sort of throwing our comics out from the void... I guess that was me looking at comics from a reader's point of view! But as soon as I started making comics, I started meeting people who made them too... and it's been incredible!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@deo I never really understood what an internet community or internet friends were until I started making a webcomic

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, I had been in (and quickly decided to not be in 0_0) gaming communities, but nothing really as wonderful as what I've found through comics. Closest I had gotten other than that was comments on social media

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

Community definitely one of the big things, much like Deo pointed. I was kinda expecting to have get connections through readers, but it's much more with other creators, which is super satisfying in it's own way. Also gonna second Krispy's comment about how time affects how you see your story's past and future. A lot of things changed in the past four years that made my comic change as well and having so much time to think each individual scene allows them to be much more complex and interesting than they would when I first thought them through. Having the time really helps. This also kinda touches the topic of personal change too, which affects how I write and what feels most important to focus on and that's interesting to think about as well

eliushi [Keyspace]

How long things will take, the longer the story goes on! I started out being able to complete a page in 2h but then I found more I wanted to try on each page (colours, layout, composition etc) and even wanted to extend certain scenes. With 500 pages planned, I definitely thought I’d be farther along by now, heading into AWT’s first year anniversary in a month. That being said, I’m also enjoying the ride and it’s all thanks to the great community here and making connections with other comics folks/readers. I never expected to get comments and so each one has been a treasure to read.

Desnik

An unexpected aspect of making webcomics is how much people respond to them. I figured I'd be creating into a void but I met so many people as a result of publishing my dinosaur comic

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Ditto on the webcomic community. I didn't realize how far reaching it was to have a community that supports each other. And I've enjoyed meeting so many wonderful and creative people who raised each other up. Another thing I didn't expect, however, was how invested I got into my comic.(edited)

At first I was doing it mostly for fun. But the more I delved into it, the easier it was to get sucked into my story and want to draw it out. And as a result taking it a lot more seriously.

Desnik

yeah sometimes I miss my dinosaur comic even though I had some pretty good reasons for moving on. It was created out of desperation and evolved into something that made me feel good about myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

How much work and time it takes to keep a weekly update going with no backlog

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah same

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

For me, I didn't realize how much it would affect my life to make comics, and vice versa. In a weird way, I didn't know how interrelated the two were, or how easily life could interfere with my comic, or the inverse.

eliushi [Keyspace]

Making comics became a lifestyle for me

@Haruh2 (Colony Life) When I had no backlog I was updating every two weeks with 7 pages per update; so about 14h of work. But this is with a finished script. I am also told I work fast.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

omg

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

That's soooo much, Eli!

That's at least twice as much as I do (edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

For me, I didn't realize how much it would affect my life to make comics, and vice versa. In a weird way, I didn't know how interrelated the two were, or how easily life could interfere with my comic, or the inverse.

I hadn't realized how much I put myself into my comic! My friends who read it have all said that it's incredibly in my voice and reflects my opinions and worldviews Before I shared it with people I hadn't thought of it in that way at all

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

As an artist, I didn't expect how my comic production and mindset will change. Once I started comics, it brought out my ideas from thoughts to a physical form. I start to invest more time into it. Each project evolved through each chapter. How to balance script writing to a polished piece. I put alot of time and research in my works. It makes me glad to hear other creators do the same. I'm not the crazy artist who's wasting her time. One of the positive change was meeting other creators, how we give advice and receive praise.(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

The support has been amazing. It makes the work less lonely

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Fish, oh for sure! I didn't realize until recently how much my characters are all just facets of myself!

eliushi [Keyspace]

(I don’t work that quickly anymore and I’m making big changes to the format soon so it’s going to be a Transition)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I've been in school with art students who never made comics, so when I came to CTP discord, reading comic discussions. It was comforting and fun. I enjoy the cooperation our group has, helping each other.

eliushi [Keyspace]

I like to commiserate about the unique challenges comics have

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Hahaha, yeahhhhh

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I agree, it's different from illustrations. Different approach(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

I am perpetually balancing time spent on a panel vs how much time the reader will spend on it

Vs illustration: lemme make all the details

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Oh I agree, each panel takes longer than it takes to read it. Hence I dislike when readers call manga creators 'lazy'

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

how much time does it take to read one of my pages?

20 seconds?(edited)

haha

e.e

wait is that emoji supposed to be someone rolling their eyes??

i jsut looked it up

i might've been using it wrong this whole time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Pacing

It's way different than in novels, and definitely came as a shock at the start

eliushi [Keyspace]

Yeah have to play to the strength of the medium. Still imagining AWT as an animated movie written from a novel, in the format of a comic

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Haha, same kinda

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

@eliushi [Keyspace] ah haha, that makes me feel better about my update habits, but thats a good goal for me to shoot for now that im learning a new way to make long comics specifically

cAPSLOCK (Tailslide)

I completely underestimated the amount of effort that would have to go into formatting, website design and maintenance, etc. If I got to do it again, a little more research beforehand probably would’ve saved me a lot of time and hassle.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I really overestimated the "if you build it they will come" aspect of webcomics lol. Like, you actually have to work to advertise your comic in order for people to read it. Nobody ever got hundreds of readers just from posting their comic onto some hosting site without doing major marketing work.(edited)

dako

yeah, I feel that

I've never really been an advertising type before my comic, im learning to just get used to it

Deo101 [Millennium]

I've not really done much advertising tbh, it makes me uncomfortable

dako

it feels kinda...embarrassing? might be too harsh of a word

i dunno

Deo101 [Millennium]

its just uncomfortable idk! i feel awkward doing it

dako

yeah, same ive done it a few times on reddit but i have to force myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

it does feel, odd..hell most of the time it just feels like i open the door to my house and toss a bunch of paper to the wind hoping someone can see it

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah, I dont know if ive done anything other than posting updates on twitter and talking about it in groups like this

and twitter is mostly just me talkin to people who already read it...

idk talking about my work without being asked first makes me feel like im inserting myself where im not allowed

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Self promo got MUCH less intimidating for me when I started thinking of it like: "okay, so my comic is made for readers like me, people who share my tastes. That means I only need to answer one question: what can I say to get me to check out this comic? I don't need to impress anyone else. I just need to appeal to me." (since "me" is my target audience)

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm ^^

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

But take it with a grain of salt because I'm still not really promoing

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

exactly, thats why i find it hard to tweet about it most of the time, but i get the whole if i dont care about to talk without being asked no one else will either

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah lmao mood im like what would get me to read... hmmm... probably exactly what im doing.... I'll keep it up then :)

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea i get excited to draw out certain parts..but wouldnt want to just tweet about all the little tidbits of the story ruining it for others

Deo101 [Millennium]

sweats

dako

i made a whole side twitter for my comic cuz talking about it on my main intimidated me too much

it is my containment chamber

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

hm may do that, just to say i did it and to get my mind away from the thought

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

yeah same

Deo101 [Millennium]

My main is just whatever I want it to be idk. Its kinda for all my comics, since my comics are all I want to talk about

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

though my main is mostly just retweeting from my side twitter lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

it removes a lot of the pressure of like what if my followers dont wanna see this??

cause they wouldnt be here if they didnt wanna see it

cause its all Ive been doing the whole time

dako

thats a good point

i had my main way before my comic so most of my mutuals/followers dont follow for that

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea, it can feel abit disorienting when there is no interaction one way or another on anything you tweet (also if twitter has messed up and causes your tweets to not show up)

Deo101 [Millennium]

but yeah I dont really advertise cause it just makes me so uncomfortable >.<

dako

understandable

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm kind of somewhere in between. I advertise my comic mostly because it is all I wanna talk about, like Deo. But I also don't think it's gotten me many readers. Most of my readers came as far as I can tell because I was making something that appealed to them. (The whole "if you build it, they will come" thing.) Although, I really don't have a big audience, I do have an audience, and I am certain most of them came from me just posting.

I think it's determined a lot by luck, and also, how big your niche's audience is to begin with (and some skill tbh).

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah like I think "gay sci fi" is a p big niche so ive got a big amount of people I could potentially reach

which makes it much easier to draw people in

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm particularly lucky, I guess, that fantasy/romance has a lot of readers (also more competition, but...)

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah fantasy romance is a damn big one

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

eh i think im in an awkward void with my action/drama story (since im not doing romance drama)

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I just go with the mindset: "what makes my fantasy/romance different from the rest" and go from there.

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm

tbh I dont think my sci fi romance is doing anything special?

but im having fun so :) I dont rlly care about that hahahha

dako

having fun the most important thing

Deo101 [Millennium]

its not my goal to make somthing mindblowing ^^ truley im just here for a good time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I mean, LGBT+-inclusive sci-fi is pretty unique

I haven't seen a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It's clear that your characters are people, and that's special, regardless of how common/uncommon

dako

think if i didnt love my comic as much as i do id have stopped a long time ago

Deo101 [Millennium]

thats true keiiii, thank you <3

also yeah its Sad that theres not more LGBT+ sci fi cause its like youve got aliennnssssssssssssssssssss you can do whatever you waaaaaant

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I knooowww

Deo101 [Millennium]

guess it shows what ppl want or something

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

yup

Deo101 [Millennium]

off topic

so to make it back on topic

I underestimated how much people would like gay sci fi GJKLAGJLAJLKAGJSLAKGJKL

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

One thing I learned specifically with my current comic... I did not realize how much difference the reader's cultural background would make in terms of interpreting my story.

Deo101 [Millennium]

!!!!!

I actually almost mentioned you in class once tbh keiii

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Big oversight, in retrospect

!?

Deo101 [Millennium]

saying "someone I know makes a comic which they noticed, it's interpreted completely differently just depending on cultural backgrounds" kind of a thing

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

like I would not have made the comic any different, but I would have approached the... presentation differently. Like, talk about it differently

Deo101 [Millennium]

cause we were talking about how narratives affect rt

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I guess another thing that was unexpected about making webcomics was... there are way more people with my exact tastes than I thought

Deo101 [Millennium]

and I was saying that I think the viewer's narrative affects art more than the artists narrative

I mean, the artists narrative obviously is what makes it so.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

In the eyes of the beholder

Deo101 [Millennium]

but interpretations and all that... yeah!!!

so. actually I might have offhandedly mentioned you I cant remember if I did or not

lemme check

I did! very like "second hand" offhandedly mentioning though ahaha

hope that doesnt make you uncomfortable GSKLGSJALGJLGK no one replied to me so e.e

in the class I mean

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I am super uncomfortable and offended !!!!!

j/k

Deo101 [Millennium]

hgjkghsjkagskajgdhsakgjhgjd

but... yeah idk starting out I truly just was making it cause I really love my characters a lot, the idea that other people would like them too is very unexpected :) in a good way

I also definitely didnt expect how important enviornments were e.e

didnt plan those well enough.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

that relatable feel

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I really desperately advertise my comic everywhere. I don't really know how to do marketing effectively though & I don't know if its working

eliushi [Keyspace]

I find what increased readership most consistently is still the feature aspect from the hosting sites. It’s really about finding the right readers/right readers finding you

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Same, I'm basically a rounding error away from being 100% reliant on the features for subs

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I don't think my comic has ever been featured on the hosting sites. My numbers have always been low on Tapas and maybe thast why

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah, features help a lot

I've been featured on Webtoon, but not Tapas, and you can really see the difference in readership there

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ive been featured on both, uhh in a couple of diff places, if you wanted a breakdown of how many readers i got from the diff spots and stuff ever just lmk im happy to share

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I've been featured on both. It certainly got people to check it out and even sub, but retaining those people (even if they've subbed!!!) is a different story. I think my story is just not the right type for the platforms, but eh, even if 99% of the platform users aren't into the kinda thing I'm making, 1% increase is still an increase.

Which is another thing I learned over the course of running this comic, specifically (since the internet has changed so much after my first two attempts). Just because the majority of your subs don't actually read the comic, doesn't mean your work sucks. Today's internet caters to casual users, and there's a bajillion factors affecting who's actually reading your stuff.

dako

i agree

my comic has never been featured on either, and webtoons doesnt have a guideline on what they pick but tapas does and my comic doesnt really meet their featuring requirements so i dont think either site ever will feature mine haha

so i gotta advertise on reddit and use twitter tags a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Don't go too crazy with twitter tags; they can make people zone out and not look at your tweet.

dako

i try to use 5 at the most, i know too many is unpleasant to look at haha

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh huh, my rule of thumb is to use 1-2 on twitter and as many as I can on Insta but I’m no expert lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, IG seems to be where you want all the tags XD

varethane

Webtoon's algorithms are like turning a hose on and off lol

The difference between views and sub growth during periods of being featured vs not is stark(edited)

carcarchu

i've never been featured by webtoons but i've seen series grow from 100 followers to 10k overnight

not an exaggeration

varethane

I put my new comic on webtoon in november 2019, and in 1 month I crawled up to.... maybe 50 subs?(granted I only put up one episode and then paused for a bit)

Then in December I started updating it weekly and got placed in the new and hot section of the app

And bam, 6k subs

It last 2 weeks and then the section updated and all growth stopped, and subs went down by 10 or so over the next week

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

(Omg featured is like the new Daily Deviation goals from DA way back in the day!)

varethane

Until it got another feature on a different part of the website and went up another 2k. It was like playing with the handle on a faucet lol

dako

I got some pretty good growth during canvas week, but beyond that not really

I get 1-2 subs after an update if I'm lucky

varethane

I feel like their algorithms are very reliant on the regular rotation of features that staff have to do manuallt

Outside of that, discoverability is quite weak

Mostly because of the volume of comics on there

boogeymadam

same boat as vare. the only thing i know about webtoons features is they have stated a couple times one of their recquirements is consistant updating, so if u skip a week that disqualifies u for a lil while i imagine

varethane

I wonder what they count as consistent. I was doing every 2 weeks for awhile, but this month I'm gonna try weekly to see if it helps me earn more $$ from ads :U

dako

I wish there was more incentive for readers to check out the new section on webtoons and tapas

carcarchu

i have found some amazing gems in the new section

i swear i've seen stuff in featured that were not at all updated consistently

dako

I have too, there's a ton of good comics that get overlooked because they're not in the front page

some featured comics havent updated in months sometimes

varethane

I definitely would not have considered myself consistent at the time of the first feature, considering there was a gap of a month between episode 1 and 2 lpl

carcarchu

the consistently updating thing is more of a recommendation than a requirement i feel?(edited)

boogeymadam

ooohh good to know!!

varethane

I'm sure it cant be a hard rule, especially for comics that have just launched

boogeymadam

im just going off their canvas qna's from last year

dako

if it's actually a hard rule for staff to feature comics that regularly update they break that rule a lot

i also heard a bot picks up comics too

carcarchu

well i at least think the staff or bots or whatever at webtoons are doing a better job with features than tapas is

tapas is always pushing their premium comics way more than their indie stuff

boogeymadam

tapas needs to bring new comics onto the frontpage more often than it does, yeah

dako

yeah I agree

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I mean, I get why they put premium on the front page. But I feel more variety would help them because it's more interesting for the readers?

dako

I can't tell whats premium or not with tapas sometimes

boogeymadam

i do like that they've been asking stuff like this in the forums tho

carcarchu

more distinction would be helpful to me too dako

i don't think its as clear as it could be

dako

yeah, webtoons at least it's clear what is and what isnt featured or canvas

Jib {WIP haha}

Huh, anyone remember that really popular writing podcast? I forgot the name

Or have any recommendations I guess

Moral_Gutpunch

Terrible writing advice? It's sarcastic

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

is this related to the topic?

Moral_Gutpunch

It's a podcast about writing, so I'm going to say yes.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think snuffysam meant the weekly topic for the channel

Moral_Gutpunch

Oh

Just for this channel, no. I'm too new to know that.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Please check #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Sound more like someone forgot context than the rules

That's why I'm hardly here. I don't know stuff people who've been here for a long time know like podcasts or older comics(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Basically each of the channels under "CTP Activities" on this server has its own topic of the week.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

It's not a matter of being here for a long time or not. This channel is used solely for discussing the weekly topics, and such information can be found in #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Kudos then. I came for creator babble only.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

For general webcomic creation-related advice (either seeking or giving) and such, #shop_talk usually is the place!

creator_babble is for answering the topic of the week

It's not actually for generalized "creator babble" despite the name.

dako

looks like they left

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh my bad, it’s been a while since I read the rules, I brought up the new subject

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Happens!

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

No problem, we were just reminding you all :)

Jib {WIP haha}

Ty for that then haha

dako

I think one unexpected thing for me is that no one tells you how crazy the highs and lows can be

well I guess people do but you really don't know until the highs and lows happen to you if that makes sense

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Oh God, that's so true

Burnout is way more dreadful than I could ever guess prior to experiencing it

Feather J. Fern

One unexpected thing for me was how many people I would meet because of my comic. It surprised me greatly that I found so many cool people through the comic community and made the friends I have made now. Love you all

rajmews

The unexpected thing for me was just how much you have to just...predict...what the market will want to read. Like even if you research a whole lot, and you draw really well, and have been doing art professionally, you can still strike out. It's a humbling experience, but being able to just let go of poorly received pages and move on and try things differently is a lot of the battle for doing a webcomic. It teaches you how to fail gracefully because...it's all a process of learning your readers better. Even if they're few at first.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

My major unexpected thing was how much my initial ideas change as I work through a page. Everything from the expressions, dialogue, and layout can change as I look at it and 'solve' it more closely than I did in thumbnails. There are pages I look back on and realize they are ENTIRELY different than what I had first sketched. And they're better for it. Allowing myself the freedom to edit during the artwork... it's created some majorly awesome opportunities.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yes!!!!! Me too!!!

It's exciting thoufh

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Absolutely same

Could plan something out meticulously but then change it in the last 2 secs before uploading

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yup... I don't thumbnail much ahead of where I'm at cause of this(edited)

I thumbnail a scene at a time, and then usually I end up changing stuff halfway through ahahfjjdkskdkss

varethane

Same hat, haha. I often make changes at every stage-- even the thumbnails will often depart from the script. If anything, I wish I made even more changes-- I feel like my page layouts tend to be pretty standard, I do a lot of pages with the 3 rows of 2 panels each, and I want to break out of that more. But... well, that's a work in progress.

[kitsoa]

Every fifth one on that ask thing! (5,10, etc)

Hey bud. Okay here goes.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

Japanese Maple. Those things are pretty but badass. A little dark and pointy but a good contrast to your bright array of botany. 

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

I was trying to write the next chapter of Ivory which might take a second cause I gotta find the right tone so it was a lot of free writing aimless dialogue. I was listening to Leslie Odom Jr while I was giving it a stab. 

15. Do you like someone?

Nope. I don’t really have the emotional capacity right now. 

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

This is gonna sound strange but I like my jawline, it’s pretty sharp and neato but if I keep up the stress and self destructive eating habits I won’t be able to boast this any longer.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Furniture probably. I really like to deck out my place. 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

Assuming that my phone is on me I guess I’d go in for my laptop?? All of these things are immediate needs but even that doesn’t strike me as something I couldn’t replace. You see... I’m hooked up to the cloud.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Didn’t specify so I’m gonna insert something you might ask: “Actor” (idk you act so let me play)

And the answer is no. I wear my heart on my sleeve and while I can do dramatic real good.  I can’t reign it in very good and I always overact. This might be a small reason why I am not on the opera stage.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsetss

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I’m pretty cold and inaffectionate and it takes a frick ton of effort for me to like someone and to go out of my way for them. This making me perpetually scared that I am going to stir resentment in the people around me. So uh... that. 

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

Strange question that means nothing to me. I’ve had a lot of unusual conversations but they are usually instigated by myself and the most enjoyable ones. I have a lot of philosophy discussions with friends so its there somewhere. 

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

I like to tell my choir kids that I have a wonderful ‘singlish’ accent to round out their vowels but nahh. I think it’s an insult to even try. 

60. Do you believe in aliens?

Sure. I believe that they have once existed and/or have the potential to exist within a reasonable margin of time and distance to us but I don’t think for a second that there will be a living scenario that supports our contact because of the vastness of the universe and statistical jumps needed for that to happen ever.

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

Haa another unspecified. your loss dude.

[canardroublard]

A non-exhaustive list of academic-ish articles on film theory that I’d love to write but probably won’t get around to:

Alita: Battle Angel, Avatar, Aliens, Terminator, James Cameron’s broader filmography, and the separation of the self from the body (aka what the hell is this guy’s deal. I need to know)

Alita: Battle Angel, “Strong Female Characters” and how the cure to cinematic misogyny is not having a woman punch people (why we need to deconstruct story structures which promote or condone misogyny and toxic masculinity, rather than simply centering a woman in these story structures)

A related, or possibly the same essay, Alita Battle Angel vs Wonder Woman 2017, or how to write a naïve character without depriving her of agency

And finally, Alita Battle Angel is racist, mostly in typical ways that should be apparent to anyone with decent critical thinking skills, but I could probably circle back to my first topic (separation of self from the body) specifically as it relates to Mahershala Ali’s character and get into some meaty stuff there

The Man From UNCLE as a film which consistently subverts gender tropes and stereotypes, especially surrounding masculinity and the expectations for the male action movie lead, and why this may have contributed to its poor performance with reviewers

Beasts of the Southern Wild - I don’t have any firm theses on this yet, it’s been a few years since I’ve watched it so I’d have to refresh my memory, but probably lots that could be said about the magical realism aspects of the film, and of course racism and classism

Film Stars Don’t Die in Liverpool, and why this film does everything that A Star is Born tried to do, but does it way better and much more interestingly and didn’t make me feel like I’d wasted 2 hours of my life

The Handmaiden - A loooot to talk about here. Power dynamics between Japan and its neighbouring countries (obviously Korea, in this specific case, but that dynamic has parallels within the region) as played out on a personal level, fetishization of queer women (not saying that’s what the movie does, I’d have to rewatch and dig into it more to get a thesis on that). Oh and I am FASCINATED by this film’s use of gaze. And how gaze interacts with architecture and space.

The Circle - Yes, that Emma Watson/Tom Hanks tech company film. It was spectacularly unsuccessful as a film, a story, or really as anything, and I want to deconstruct why it sucked so bad

A non-exhaustive list of other films I’d write about in no particular order

The Favourite

Romeo + Juliet

Wes Anderson I like your films but you are kinda a misogynist (yeah let’s just cover his whole filmography because why not)

Widows (race, relationships, misogyny, and the messy intersection between those three things. Also women’s platonic relationships)

Disobedience

The Red Turtle and why I, a lover of animation, fucking hated it (spoiler: because the male main character, who admittedly has been having a bad time lately but that isn’t a valid excuse imho, acts like a dick and is rewarded for it)

The Beguiled (gaze, power dynamics)

The Florida Project

Annihilation (admittedly first I’d have to understand this mindfuck of a film before writing about it, but if I could get there I’m sure there’s lots to be said)

The Fall (not the Gillian Anderson tv show, the Lee Pace movie)

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri (idk if I’d get much further than “it’s racist” but if I were really motivated I might be able to deconstruct that a bit further) Update: wrote the “it’s racist” post. HERE

Dunkirk and perpetuating the myth of White History

Atomic Blonde

ETA

Tomb Raider (2018) and why it is at best “two-steps-forward-one-step-back” to give a white woman no romance in a story if by doing so you deprive characters of colour, namely a Chinese man and iirc a black woman, the opportunity to be romantic interests/leads

Beauty and the Beast (Emma Watson version) it’s almost impressive how this film goes out of its way to subvert its own marketing department’s attempts to make it sound feminist

Their Finest - something something war something lesbianism (I’d have to watch this again)

London Road - yes I know no one else saw this film. Even I can concede that “musical about a series of horrific serial killings” is a difficult sell to most people. But it’s a good film. Watch it. There’s lots to talk about here

Home (Dreamworks) which has a surprising amount to say about colonialism for a children’s film

Boy, Hunt for the Wilderpeople, absent parents and the struggle of self-determination for boys coming of age. Or, portrayals of boyhood in the filmography of Taika Waititi

Kill Bill , Strong Female Characters” and how the cure to cinematic misogyny is not having a woman punch people and JFC these films are misogynistic

Anna Karenina is unadaptable as a film so please stop trying to make that happen, everyone, because by trying to cram it into a 2-3 hour movie everyone drops the Levin/Kitty story and without that you lose literally half of the actual story of the book

ETA (29/03/2019) wrote a post at least touching on the basics about racism in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri so I’m crossing that off the list for now.