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#but i was never really treated as one
fantastic-mr-corvid · 7 months
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bro why the fuck is understanding my gender locked behind reckoning with my traumatic childhood and the de-gendering & social masculinization i went though due to poverty and having to turn to masculinity/male social systems due to being rejected from girlhood at a young age and needed a social systems to protect myself from the consequences of being an autistic traumatized gifted student.
cant i just have a quick answer? a shortcut? without dredging all that up? without getting a PHD in gender-studies? please??
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anna-scribbles · 1 year
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last one i promise(<—lie)
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nova-rpv · 1 month
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a redraw of the first drawing i posted here to celebrate the fact that ive been in tumblr for more than a whole year posting my shit and havent deleted my blog in panic yippee \:D/ (mushy rant in tags)
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sharkylad · 19 days
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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tea-cat-arts · 4 months
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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s0fter-sin · 5 months
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i need ghoap frantically making out against a door finally taking the leap on their feelings. need ghost grinding against soap, expecting to find him just as hard as him, only to feel nothing
and in all his wisdom and experience, he concludes soap was tortured and never told him
he’s trying to think of a delicate way to say he understands, that he’s been through it and it doesn’t change anything about how he feels (and who the fuck touched him so he can hunt them down and rend them limb from limb)
meanwhile trans!soap’s just trying to find the best angle to grind his cunt on ghost’s thigh
just it never even entering ghost’s head bc he’s never known a trans person but he has met plenty of people who’ve been tortured - himself included - so of course that’s his logical leap
soap takes off his shirt and he sees his top surgery scars and ghost asks if he wants him to kill the one who did it and soap just hums like, “actually, man did pretty good, they healed real well,” and ghost’s just teary-eyes with awe at how well he’s coping, “looking on the bright side, that’s my johnny.”
imagine he thinks johnny was fully castrated but sees he’s determined to still have a sex life with him so he buys packers and straps to help him bc hell yeah healing and soap’s just like, “holy shit i’ve never had such a thoughtful partner before, such a sweet man, lt.”
#he a little confused but he got the spirit#its so good bc it can be super angsty of ghost really dreading whats been done to his sergeant and trying to make it right#or just go full crack treated seriously and have fun with it#i love just completely oblivious ghost#in any military context hes the smartest guy in the room#he always knows the play and has more experience than anyone#but stick him in the normal world? man is Lost#ghost just thinks hes had some kind of reconstruction surgery after being tortured and accepts thats what johnny looks like#bc hes never seen a pussy before#it takes years for soap to actually come out to him bc he just never thought to#hes seen him naked theyve literally slept together what else is there for him to say#then he shows him like a family album or something and ghosts just like ‘why arent you in any of these i only see girls’#and he just goes ‘hang on a second’#soap gets one of his sporadic periods one night and panics a little thinking it would weird ghost out or remind him that hes not cis#but ghost just thinks its a normal part of such a thorough reconstruction that hed bleed sometimes#and doesnt question it when soap grabs a pad out of his drawer bc ‘thats such a good way of handling the discharge my johnnys so smart’#just really supportive ghost for the wrong reasons#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#soapghost#ghostsoap#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#soap cod#save post
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tariah23 · 5 months
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oooooo white people in my replies really saying ‘I can excuse racism but I draw the line at homophobia’
Not surprised since this is the site that only talks about racism and thinks it’s a big deal when they see it demonstrated in the cartoons and comics they like *coughs* dungeonmeshi *coughs* (for example at least. I haven’t seen THIS many white ppl talk as in depth about racism on here as much as these fandom nerds, man. I stg. Like “Ohhhh, so you all DO acknowledge that racism is real? Just not in real life even if you could feel it slapping you in the face at high speed. Gotcha.” It’s crazy.
Tumblr is like, 90% white and is extremely centered around them. That’s why you barely see stuff that’s important to black and brown people ever trending here or being talked about. It has to be something incredibly huge to the point where even white people can’t ignore it like they usually do, to talk about it here.
They only talked about George Floyd here because the topic of his death became world news. Even people in other countries were talking about it. Before him, it was probably Ferguson and Trayvon Martin… most of them are still trying their best to ignore the genocides because it’s a “touchy subject.” What do you expect from white people who live in their own bubbles of comfort and refuse to pop it with a needle??? They find comfort in their privilege and faux ignorance (they love playing stupid to avoid conversations about important things outside of fandoms like, are these mfs born with half a brain dedicated to fandom or what.) That’s literally all these mfs make a big deal out of, especially on this annoying ass platform. The ao3 mfs will go to war for the site that allows racist ff and cp like it’s no big deal. I wonder how many people here even donated to the site while actively scrolling past dono posts from folks who really do need help. They act like they’re doing a civil service by defending this site that makes over the amount of it’s intended dono goal in minutes.
Then you already know as soon as you even bring up racism in the stuff they like, they start ganging up and harassing black bloggers especially, calling them TERFs and the whole nine. Anything to make that person look bad for being concerned about the racism that they have such an intense aversion to. God, it’s absolutely exhausting knowing that these people would have no problem choosing a cartoon character over your entire existence if they COULD. Isn’t that fucking sad, man?
#:(#it’s like what can you do#as a black person I get why sm black bloggers here have ‘don’t follow me if you’re white’ in their bios#they’ll call it racist or whatever (it’s fucking not you guys just treat black ppl like shit here and most of us feel unsafe to interact#with y’all. you guys always turn on us at the drop of a hat)#i remember commenting on a HS post funny enough years ago#because the punchline of the post was literally the white mfs saying nigga#and I was so annoyed that I told them off and one of my white mutuals unfollowed meanjsjsjsl#like right after that#and another unfollowed me because I talk about racism and the like a lot like this is a really well known artist too so I was like 🧍🏾‍♀️?#because I talk about racism a lot??? it’s weird lol#like they’ll tolerate you for a while then when they feel offended they start to act weird and act like you’re not supposed to talk about#the stuff that effects you#tkf replies#karmelarts#they don’t give a shit about anything if it doesn’t personally Involve them#they act like they can’t relate to anyone or anything it they aren’t marginalized themselves (being gay or trans which they treat as a#personality trait)#notice how you never see movies/ shows about black and brown ppl trending here? it’s always white centered shit no#matter how hot and popular that show might be#you’ll never see something like the wire snowfall or power trending here#all of the black ppl are on twitter anyway so#sm black ppl got ran off of here by annoying white ppl
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crybaby-bkg · 7 months
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Gojo has always been a bit of a glutton. it’s his worst trait, you think, despite the many others that he inflicts upon you in your daily life. but, it’s just not enough for you. he does that with everyone, this kind, funny, flirtatious kind of banter. getou tells you he’s different with you, shoko makes note of how he’s really not like that with so many people.
but it’s not enough. so you start cooking up different things, these desserts intertwined with a certain potion that’ll make his attention be on solely you. you crush your flowers and sprinkle them into the boiling pot, sprinkle in a little bit of this and a dash of that, before you cut off a tiny piece of your hair and let it flutter into the concoction. it doesn’t let out a tuft of pink smoke in the shape of a heart, but you have faith that it’s gonna work.
“I’ll give you a piggyback ride if you let me have that,” Gojo tries to barter with you the next day he sees you, sitting under a tree and unwrapping the piece of cake that you had oh so conveniently whipped up. you pretend to think it over, unable to help your smile as you think about how easy this is going to be, before agreeing.
it happens over time, the effects of the love potion. first, Gojo becomes a bit more clingy. he hurries across campus to make sure that he’s able to walk you back to your apartment, carries all of your bags for you. then he starts buying you all sorts of things that you don’t necessarily need (do you want breakfast?, do you need a new laptop?, can I buy you a new bed?, can we break it in?).
and everything is great at first. you adore the attention, the grandeur way he asks you to be his partner, how he moves you in quick, loves you even quicker. but, after a while, it just becomes a bit…much.
his love is never ending, which shouldn’t be a bad thing, but his love is also—everything. it’s in every crevice of your body, every nook and cranny between the walls, every exhale you take. he’s there—always just there—always just close and lingering and clingy (where are you going? can I come with you? why are you looking at me like that? don’t you love me? I love you, I love you so much, so where are you going?)
it’s not until you’re suffocating that you realize your mistake, all too late. Gojo is all encompassing, takes up all the space in your head and your line of vision and your breaths and the blood that flows in your veins. he loves you—this was what you wanted, right?—but you never wanted this, this obsession that bleeds from his very being every second that he’s near you, which is every second of every single fucking day. you never wanted any of this.
“Baby?” Gojo calls from the other side of the locked door, clawing at it like some forlorn house cat even though you know he could take it down if he so pleased. “Are you almost finished? I miss you,” his voice is a plead, as if his heart is shriveling up in his chest with every second he’s not pressed against you.
with a sigh, do you finally lift yourself from the corner of the bathroom floor, unfolding your limbs with a groan. you don’t dare look at yourself in the mirror, fearing the image of the hollowed person that is bound to stare back at you. with hesitation, do you finally unlock the door. you don’t even have to pull it open before Gojo is barging his way in, engulfing you in long arms that seem to wrap around you like some never ending boa constrictor.
“You’d never try to leave me, right? Because you love me so much.” Gojo says into your hair, his voice one that tries to convince you of its truth. and there is some there, along with the guilt of ruining him in this grotesque way that you have no other choice but to accept and live with until it suffocates you.
“Yeah.” your murmur, sinking into his body, let him hold you so close, you think you can feel his veins pulling at his skin to intertwine with your own. “Yeah, I love you, Satoru.”
(he doesn’t dare tell you that he knew all about that little potion you whipped up, how it never had any actual affect on him for more than just a couple hours. but this was what you wanted, right? for him to love you? so why not continue to just love you in his own way that’s somehow, convincingly, all your fault? why not let you take the blame for his greediness? you wanted this, right? right?)
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dykedvonte · 3 months
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MacCready being one of the few companions to not lose affinity if you eat people makes sense when you remember the fungus in Little Lamp Light grew from decomposing bodies. Like the kids weren’t eating people directly but they were eating people adjacent things.
Not to mention how the Lone Wanderer can trick the kids at LLL into buying “strange meat” to eat which is just human so it’s more likely than not they have just straight up ate people so he’s either very desensitized, knows what food desperation can do to people or feels he really has not ground to stand on since he was in the same boat whether he wanted to be or not.
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jessmalia · 5 months
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stiles and malia playlist: my boy only breaks his favorite toys by taylor swift
there was a litany of reasons why we could've playеd for keeps this time i know i'm just repeating myself put me back on my shelf but first, pull the string and i'll tell you that he runs because he loves me (he loves me) cause you should've seen him when he first saw me
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 9 months
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Thank you all for voting in the poll to decide who was going to be the leader of the band! It turned out to be such a close race!
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#madam lan#A-qing#Band AU#(Reminder that Madam Lan's design inspiration goes to Qourmet!)#Madam Lan may have been the winner per vote count but there were so many strong advocates for A-Qing!#I played around with a few versions of what the 'poll winner' art was going to be and ultimately decided I wanted them both.#As any good theater love knows though - The battle for leadership was a ruse. They *all* get a chance to be featured.#Cooperation was the real end goal! However I do think these two have the best frontman energy of the group.#Or at least 'crowd favourite' energy. I also really loved hearing what people thought their vocal styles would be like!#This was probably one of my favourite polls to do and I love drawing these characters a lot B*)#I'd love to spend a bit more time in this AU so count on me bringing it back.#One thing I keep feeling like I need to redeem myself on is Madam Lan's Translucent skirt. I have *not* done the concept justice yet.#It is such a crack-platonic ship but I want to think Madam Lan and A-Qing would enjoy each other's company.#Possibly also with JYL as well. They can be like mutually beneficial therapy dogs to each other.#Madam Lan never got to see her kids grow up into teenagers after all. She only had sons. Never daughters.#Even if she saw her kids once a month we do know she treated them with so much love and kindness.#She would bite the shit out of YZY for yelling at JYL. What a sight to see. A-Qing would also start biting (for fun).
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fer3112 · 3 months
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"maybe dnp can't go because of the language barrier" Please! We are watching dnp in the same language as you, we are interacting with the phandom in the same language as you. I promise you that all of us who are asking for the tour can undestand them perfectly so stop being condescending and treating us like toddlers when we are speaking two languages and you can only speak one.
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buwheal · 5 months
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Damn, Spam, did the cake taste that bad? - bad joke. Sorry you're havin' a rough day. We're here if you need to talk, or if you just need a distraction.
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tea-cat-arts · 3 months
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I simply think this fandom doesn't give Wei Wuxian enough credit for the various ways in which he saved Lan Wangji
#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#wangxian#idk man- i just see a lot of “Lan Wangji has always been protecting Wei Wuxian” posts and its like...#I mean... Lan Wangji has always certainly been trying to protect Wei Wuxian#it took him a long time to figure how to successfully do that though#rereading the books rn and noticing theres a lot of instances that could be read as lwj being frustrated over his inability to protect wwx#like he seemed ready to cry when wwx went missing for a while and then came back with the cursed leg#lwj has always been great at protecting wwx from physical threats (ex: waterborn abyss) but had no idea how to protect him from himself#meanwhile wwx has always been instictually good at saving lwj from both#like I'm 100% lwj would've become like Jiang Cheng if wwx hadn't snapped him out of the blindly following authority thing#and also like... 15 y/o lwj wasnt happy with his life. he was lonely and stressed and literally signing up to be flogged whenever he goofed#wwx is who allowed lwj to grow up by showing him what it was like to actually be a kid (shown in story whenever lwj gets drunk)#he led lwj to having a more flexible mindset. and it both let lwj relax and set lwj up to be a better parent#looking into lwj's dynamic with the juniors- he lets them break a fuck ton of the petty rules and encourages them to question authority#he also teaches them to not be married to any one meathod of problem solving#wwx is also able to save lwj from his own stubbornness#ex: carrying lwj when he broke his leg. getting lwj to cough up bad blood. getting lwj to keep the rabbits#wwx also tends to give lwj the words he has trouble saying himself. helps him communicate#wwx also protects lwj in fights a lot but thats narratively less important#except the various times wwx puts himself in danger to help lwj. those times are what made it so lwj could never move on from wwx#like with the cave incident#or when wwx helped surpress the arm instead of using the chaos to escape cloud recesses#tldr i guess: i think this fandom tends to treat lwj being the best like its natural to him when really wwx accidentaly rewired his brain#I'm looking directly at fanfic writers who act like the Lans would've treated wwx better than the Jiangs#lwj had to do so much work and self reflection post meeting wwx to be the way he is. he is not the sole product of the Lan teachings
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mysticalcats · 4 months
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once again spreading my alonzostrap propaganda
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