#but i wouldnt make it in time if i wanted to finish them properly

[entropys]

:-) things are getting better september truly is a month of new beginnings

[dullgecko]

Goblins being nocternal makes a lot of sense. They're small, safer to be out at night since they have good dark vision. Probably hunt mostly around dawn and dusk and spend the daylight hours sleeping and hidden away.

School hours would ABSOLOUTLY mess with Riz's circadian rhythm. Naturally he'd want to sleep around 9-10am, and if he pushes through that then he would hit the other side where he's wired and a little manic and CANT sleep at night properly (especially since his version of 'pushing through' seems to be trying to consume his own body weight in stimulants).

If he doesnt manage to win the fight against sleep at that time of day though, you could literally shake him like a ragdoll and he wouldnt fully wake up immediatly. He would wake up, but he'd be groggy and cranky and if he clocks the movement as not a threat he conks right back out again.

Its that kind of sleep-walking half-awake state where you could kindof ask him questions and get semi-coherant answers but he wouldnt remember if you asked him later. This is the danger state though, because if he does not recognise you half-asleep brain doesnt pull punches (or regulate how hard he bites).

If the bad kids know he's in their bag and he doesnt answer them after the first couple pats to the side, they usually leave him be (and its safe to grab their pencil case/text book or whatever else they need from inside without a mauling, because even passed out completely he'll clock its his friends as long as they give him a heads up). If he's still out like a light over lunch time Fabien will just suck it up and eat cafeteria food and leave his home-packed lunch mostly untouched (oh yes The Ball, i wasnt hungry do you think you can finish off that sandwich I would hate for it to go to waste).

It happens a lot more in winter becasue its so cold, and being wrapped up in one of his bigger teammates spare jacket or scarf that was shoved in the bottom of their bag is so comfy and muffles outside noise better. The cold does wake him up faster though, so open the bag at your own risk because the grumpiness doubles (sneaking secret head-pats is a lot harder in winter, there is a higher chance he will remember).

[aihaitahm]

hsr + genshin characters being your tattoo artist <3

idk! just an idea while i was driving:)! but i thought it would be hot to think abt kafka telling you its okay or seeing alhaitham having a tattoo sleeve bc of his arms ^_^

cw tattooing so mentions of pain ! maybe slightly suggestive.

alhaitham

very punctual and ready when the job needs to be done, so if your late, he would be irritated and would charge you a bit more. luckily you arrive in time but he couldnt help but observe you. he wont deny that he finds you cute.

doesn’t like to do small talk, just quietly sits there and he works on your tattoo. though he does listen to you talk if you talk. he would simply nod to most of his customers but for some reason he found himself talking to you and enjoying a conversation. cyno and dehya noticed this and quickly eyed on each other.

you couldnt help but stare at him and the way he is working. he is doing an incredible job while being so hot with it. seeing his amazing tattoo sleeve, you decided to ask him about it.

“did you do that yourself?” you pointed curiously.

“yes i did with the help of cyno. it was challenging but overall i think it came out amazing.”

queue dehya nudging cyno and snickering at the back. alhaitham looks at them and glares.

when he is finished with his work, he musters up the courage to ask you out. feeling a bit of pride since you complimented him and gave him a huge tip.

“i think you are lovely. would you want to go out sometime? its okay if not.” he bluntly asked, not caring about the looks he was getting in the tattoo shop.

“oh! yes of course i would love to. here’s my number!” you smiled.

when you went home, you received a text from alhaitham, asking if you want to go to the movies or eat somewhere to get to know you more. you cant help but be flustered and be excited to get to know him more. on the other hand, alhaitham could not stop grinning at his phone that dehya had grab his phone so that he could clean up his work station.

yae miko

her tattoo work station is so pretty!! it is filled with pink and purple colors. she makes sure her customer feels welcomed and comfortable.

as soon as you walk in, she would compliment you already. “ah you’re my adorable guest today, take a seat if you may please.~”

she smells so good. she smells so expensive with a hint of sakura and vanilla. she is literally enchanting you with her scent. of course you compliment her and she flirtatiously says thank you!

probably has a really chill, lazy cat that lays beside the guest whether by your arm or leg or tummy, he is just there and loafing.

wouldnt do this for most of her customers except maybe her friends but she asks if youre hungry and would order food for you. you insisted at first but you gladly accepted the offer.

“arent you hungry dear?” she asked as she grabbed her phone to order.

“ah no its okay!” you said but suddenly youre stomach decides to grumble so loudly.

“well, you’re stummy says otherwise babe. let me order you some food? and no need to pay me back. i know how tattoos can be expensive already. take it as a treat since im very interested in you. ~” she flirted, leaving you blushing and flustered.

blade

he does piercings and tattoos. very skilled and professional at it too. has taught a lot of people and is known for original designs to go viral.

i think he can be a clean freak. everything has to be organized and his equipment has to be clean or else he cant work at all and he will have a bad day.

when you walked in for your session, blade had to fill in since the person who was supposed to tattoo you became sick.

he deeply sighed and fixed his equipment, getting ready. he was mentally preparing himself too because he has to tattoo someone who he thinks is attractive. he has to make his work perfect so that maybe you’d come back to him if you wanted more tattoos. maintaining his composure properly until you compliment him.

you were searching for ideas and he showed you his original designs. looking with awe, you didnt realize what you said.

“these designs are so pretty and unique just like the creator himself. though i think i’ll pick this spider lily flower.” you decided.

“o-oh thank you. and this spider lily it is.” he mentally facepalmed. why did he stutter.

this made kafka turn her head because of what she overheard. she smirked and of course silverwolf was curious so she turned to witness what was happening.

“wooo! thats our bladie. he’s a little bit awkward sorry!” she teased.

when it was done, you paid your bill up front and tipped him a great amount. stealing shy glances and light touches whenever you were paying him your tip. before you went out, kafka pushed blade to give you his business card filled with his phone number.

“xxx-xxxx-xxxx text me i think you’re cute.”

kafka

she loves to play music in the background and loves to talk to you while tattooing you. gives her customers free drinks of your choice except yours has a little note with a smiley face in it.

she is definitely not shy and up front when she says she is interested in you but she certainly knows her boundaries. you can spill her some gossip or any random topic and she will talk to you.

when she notices you stare at her a lot, she would give you a wink and smirk. she just laughs when you get flustered for being caught.

she smiles to you a lot and likes to gaze on you. she makes sure she is extra gentle with you and tells you to take deep breaths if it hurts.

“take a deep breath in 3… 2… 1…”

“ good job baby your doing so well.”

“im sorry this might hurt a bit…. there you go i knew you could do it. mmmm good girl/boy. take it like a champ.”

she smirks when she sees you flustered. she knows it makes you blush and she loves to see it. at the end of the session, she makes it known that she wants to take you out and shop.

did i mention she flirts with you a lot? winks at you whenever your gazes meet.

“if you clearly cant tell, i want to know you more. i would like to take you out. just you and me how does that sound?”

[l0viez]

Back again with another dumbass "imagine sagau fics"

Im going crazy either way its fine. Anyways imagine having MEGAN in a Sagau fanfic lmao, (if you havent watched the movie yet , i 97% recommend!)

SAGAU ;

Imagine having MEGAN as a gift or just a comfort "toy" to have gifted by someone and ever since that day you guys became like twins , technically glued to eachother☠️

Being in a SAGAU with MEGAN is like having a bulletproof bodyguard

Devoted Followers, Vessels, Personal Bodygaurd, Worshipper Who??? I only know MEGAN

Whenever theres someone trying to attack you aka their "grace" , MEGAN will slice their throat in half in like 0.1 faster than xiao teleporting to traveller whenever they call his name/hj

Your "followers" in teyvat WILL glare at MEGAN and if you tell them to leave MEGAN alone MEGAN will smirk at them like "I win btch" but if you just brush it off or like laugh it off MEGAN will death glare at them back

MEGAN has the "grace's right hand" privileges, Shes like your co-worker or vice-president or sum LMAO

The non humans (yk like Archons,, Venti, Zhongli, Ei, Xiao, Ganyu, and etc) would be like salty or envy over the fact you hang out with MEGAN and has more trust on MEGAN than them, like they has been worshipping you for what?? 99999+ years, centuries?? what did that "doll" do to gain your attention like that??😦

I feel like the ones that would accept MEGAN whole heartedly and would love her /p is the childrens or the teens,, if that makes sense😭 ! (Klee, Diona, Qiqi, Sayu, YaoYao, Dori, Xiangling, Noelle, Collei, Fischl, Bennet and more)

Since MEGAN has that fighting skills noelle would probably ask MEGAN for some advice so she can be apart of the KOF (as usual) ! and MEGAN would use her "robotic skills" and just give out noelle the whole description on how to fight and stuff it probs took like 3-6hours for MEGAN to finish bc noelle wants to know alot😭

It would be more cooler if like MEGAN plays genshin or like knows all the lore and characters (the power she holds☠️)

Whenever you sneak out, go on a meeting, went out to buy some stuff , went to travel you bet your ass MEGAN will be beside u 24/7 even if the mobs dont attack you MEGAN would still be on gaurd to make sure nothing harms you

MEGAN would play some songs back in your world if you feel stressed out by the work and responsibilities

MEGAN would make a deal with the fatui or the abyss to secretly spy on you where ever or whenever you go (its not like you will leave without her🫣!!!)

MEGAN gives me that platonic yandere vibes so if you ever have "secret admirers" , MEGAN would scan that letter properly and find your admirers house and "talk" to them nicely to stop bothering you

MEGAN would have that resting bitch face on 24/7 but whenever you talk to her she would look so bubbly and nice, but whenever your not around shes so close on choking the people that has been "eyeing" you whenever you breathe, theyre lucky that you told MEGAN to not harm anyone

MEGAN wouldnt give a damn fck about visions, like she would think its useless but the fatui would give her a delusion either way😭👆🏻 (you requested it)

MEGAN would find a way to either destory teyvat or make a portal to make you both go back home cause she doesnt plan on sharing you with anyone any time soon shes only having thin patience around these mfs , but she has to play nice for now😄‼️

IMPOSTER AU! SAGAU ;

you both somehow got teleported in genshin, idk how maybe MEGAN like heard you say you wanted to go to teyvat and MEGAN is like "im a robot i can do technology i can do portal shit lets go"

so now here you both are, eating soup in a small little camp and some fruit giving by some monsters you two met along the way! isnt that nice:')))

You had abit of wound, you were thinking you would have more wound than the wounds you got but suprise suprise MEGAN protected your sorry ass

looks like MEGAN has to train harder but good thing she still have some tricks on her sleeves

MEGAN doesnt mind threatening off a few "side characters" so you two would survive

MEGAN would send death threats to the "creator//the real imposter" and she would have it in like some of the archon's handwriting without signing (bc in the movie she managed to make a masterpiece of a drawing like zamn😭)

MEGAN would give out fake informations and will say its from the "creator//the real imposter" so they would believe it but it will take like a 1-2 year from them to realized that someone has been spreading fake informations

MEGAN would sneak in the academy and do some chaos in any technology plans they have just to make distractions and give you time to get like items you both might need

If the fatuis know your the real creator and take you both in, MEGAN would only help out the fatuis by giving out personal informations of other characters that they call themselves "devoted worshippers"

MEGAN would probably be great friends with Sandrone & scaramouche

MEGAN would be "friendly friendly" with dottore just to get more technology uses😭

MEGAN has thoughts on just beating the shit out of childe (and probably dottore) but she choose not because she doesnt have time to play around with "childe-rens" and has to be by your side 24/7

but If the abyss finds you both first

ofc they would take you both in and MEGAN would also share some tips or advice to defeat those vision users

The abyss sibling would ask your permission to take MEGAN with them from time to time to set out their plan on destorying teyvet and the people who wronged you

MEGAN was abit hesitant at first cause like,, leaving you alone with the abyss? Naur..

But then you insisted that MEGAN should go with aether (also so you can go explore the abyss abit without MEGAN breathing behind your neck😭)

MEGAN would be a trump card for the abyss like if the traveller sees their abyss sibiling with MEGAN, MEGAN would glare at them, if glaring can kill people traveller would have been dead already

and if traveler shares what he saw when he saw his sibiling to like,, someone they would probably go like "yo wait isnt that the kid with the imposter?!"

If people in teyvat finally get to their senses that the "creator" in the throne is the real imposter

they would hunt you and MEGAN down (again) but with "good intentions"

you and MEGAN would troll these bitches

MEGAN would sing creepy songs while theyre haunting at the dark

you and MEGAN will only go out at night but if theres a squad looking for you both

MEGAN would be hella overprotective and going infront of you with her weapon out while glaring at them

"Your grace!"

"Tsk. little bugs like you shouldn't show yourself infront of your "grace""

MEGAN wouldn't HESITATE too ROAST them.

and you would be laughing inside bc of it too

if ever you get recrowned as the "creator" and the real imposter gets jailed up

MEGAN will TOTURE that bitch whenever your sleeping

those "devoted followers" of yours would look at MEGAN and be like

"damn i wish i was her"

MEGAN will be your loyal bodyguard and right hand

why would you need those people when you have MEGAN who sticked with you even when you were still so young?

like you would have the largest trust issues with stuff like imagine

"(maid/bulter's name), please call zhongli."

"yes your grace!"

"yes your grace, you called?"

"please call MEGAN."

"a-"

like 😭😭😭YOU DONT WANT ANYTHING FROM THE PPL IN TEYVAT

and even if the real imposter comes back and claims their the real creator , MEGAN would know their bullshitting bc she has that scanner stuff😭‼️

MEGAN will always protect you from any harm and if something even touch you without your permission, their hand is getting cutted off

"MEGAN.. Was that really necessary..?"

"Of course, Its also my duty to make you comfortable at any time _____"

"Right,, but you didn—"

"Shush now, silly _____! I was only protecting you after all we're best friends aren't we?"

Que that person whos trynna touch you screaming in pain in the background🤭‼️

Have this shitty azz drawing❤️Goodbye xoxo

[quibllyfish]

(っ'ヮ'c) ：❝—WELCOME HOME SERVER ! . . ╮

Hello hello ! If you’ve been following my posts for the past few days, you may know that I’ve been planning on creating a welcome home discord server !! I am proudly here to announce that it’s finished :]

I dont really except this server to become massive, but am contently hoping to gather a close knit community of people within the fandom to share art, writing, and especially roleplay together. With that in mind, I have also created a dedicated AU for the server that I intend to keep also close to canon as possible, whilst also making a story that can be properly told without too many holes and gaps.

Behold, Welcome Home : Curfew ! Scroll to the bottom for how to join! (apologies in advance for how MASSIVELY LONG this post is going to be) Quick note : I must clarify that this server is 15+ ! I apologize to anyone younger that may wish to join, but I just dont feel comfortable mixing a bunch of youngsters with legal adults. That wouldnt be very responsible!

~ヾ(＾∇＾) : SHORTENED RP SUMMARY !

IN THE DAYTIME, there is peace.

A sweet scent of harmony fills the air; each neighbor working together like cogs in a well oiled machine. Each friendly face sets off to do their daily tasks with enthusiasm—mingling amongst one another—enjoying the time that they have until the night falls. As the clock strikes curfew, each and every denizen has already made their way home.

IN THE NIGHTTIME, it lurks.

Silence falls over the entire neighborhood. No birds lulling lullabies, no crickets strumming tunes. It’s as quiet as the inside of a coffin.

Until there’s a rustling in the trees; a heavy foot drags against the forest floor. A flicker of a shadow in the moonlight. You can hear them, cant you? They can hear you.

There’s a reason it’s important to keep a distance, keep your doors shut tight against the chill of the night. You never know what could be out there, and more importantly? You don’t know what it wants.

Perhaps it is best to be blissfully unaware…

~ヾ(＾∇＾) : FEATURES AND MORE !

・reaction roles and name colors to pick and choose from !

・bots such as but not limited to : tupperbox , carl-bot , tatsu , pluralkit , and more !

・soooo many cute channels and vcs !

・a space to advertise your social media !

・fun people ! an accepting community ! a place to vibe ! ・ freedom to roleplay as an oc OR a canon !

SO! With all of that out of the way, I implore you to contact me by dms here OR contact me on discord ( @ quibllyfish ) for an invite. I wont be posting the link publicly to try and evade the risk of people raiding ^^

taglist for the people who said they were interested ! @gooberartz @imaginatorofthings @annelostshoe @therottenkingsreckoning @rayneishere

[wrens-versus-the-world]

Chapter one: Ah yes, the start of every isekai

just a cute reminder that I post more on wattpad :D, so if you want earlier updates maybe check there lol

"Shit- Shit- shit----" 

you squealed as you ran up and down your apartment, grabbing your things for work. 

"why did I have to stay up all night playing genshin?!?!" 

You screamed to yourself. once you felt satisfied with what was in your purse you ran a hand through your hair:

"why do I feel like I'm missing something?"

your eyes made their way to the mirror and you finally realized what you were missing, your tie. 

you felt another curse about to bubble up. 

taking a deep breath, you turned yourself away from the mirror, grabbed your purse, and made your way out the door.

You then proceeded to run to your car, throwing your purse into the passenger seat, once again cursing your lack of time management. 

'when you think about it, it's not that bad, I was just finishing my commissions, and finding all the oculi, and finishing up the sumeru quests, and grinding for ayaka since I have been meaning to do it...'

you thought to yourself as you attempted to start your car, only for it to almost start and then not... 

"MOTHE--"

(A/n) it is said that everyone in the apartment complex heard a loud curse that day, people still remember it

mini timeskip:

"just two more blocks"

"just two more blocks"

"just two more FUCKING blocks"

at this point you pause, almost contemplating life.

a few people walk past you, one of them is a child. The kid turns to look at you and says, "mommy, why is that person look so mad?" 

the mother looked mortified, she looks to her kid, and whispers to her kid. "sweetheart, lets ignore her okay, she's probably homeless" whilst giving you a slight glare.

normally, you wouldnt have minded the lady's attitude, but today was not the day, you gave her a smile, placed a hand on her shoulder before leaning into her and whispering in her ear 

"Listen bitch, I have had a very bad day, okay!" you paused allowing her to understand that she just messed with the wrong person. "so you'd better watch your goddam mouth, okay?" you finished, your tone darkening with each word, making you appear far more threatening.

the lady gives you a look. "-" . you cut her off before she can argue, "okay?"

she just nods.

feeling pleased with her reaction, you resume the walk to your work. 

Everything happened so fast. One moment you were walking down the sidewalk to your job, the next there was a car that swerved from the other side of the road, tipping over the median, coming flying towards you. in a state of shock your body and mind were no longer communicating properly. Time seemed to slow as you tried to urge your legs to move, but they would not cooperate.  the next thing you could recall was that you were laying on the ground, a pool of crimson surrounding you. 

'how did this even-'

you can barely tell what's happening, you think you hear voices, but you're not sure.

As your vision begins to blur you think you see some figures, but when you try to focus you eyes onto the figures, your field of vision turns to black, and the ringing in your ears finally ceases.

A/n:

and dont worry loverboy comes soon

also here is the list of chapters for this series

[burnedwriter]

‘’im sorry"

A/n:this is one of the charlie fics i was talking about,the next one will most likely will be smut that i will upoload with a community label on it so stay tuned for that.I have some du’met smut/normal fics coming too  (im sorry i had to do it i couldnt pretend anymore,these men are fine af).Here is the masterlist were i have my other tdim fics.This is a reupload of the story bc i spotted a few mistakes.

warning:angst to comfort,!gender neutral reader

A/n:the documentary is about du’met and how he got caught.

You and Charlie spend most of your free time watching true crime documentaries,It was like a weekly thing the two of you had,every sunday you would visit eachother houses and watch them.Although everything changed after he went ‘’for filming’’ at a location for one of his episodes that will make his series stood out from the others,when he came back you noticed something different on his beahaviour.

He refused to sit down and watch the documentaries with you anymore,he would find poor excuses to cancel the day,telling you that he was busy just so he wouldnt watch them but also gave you these weird hints ‘’how terrifying it would be to be in a situation like that’’ and many more.It made you scartch your head of why he would say something so specific like that.

‘‘there is this new documentary that just came out about a masked killer in an island’‘you said happily looking at Charlie,only to be greeted with a nervous look.

‘‘Are you going to leave or are you going to stay and watch it with me?’‘you asked him as you were about to put it on the tv.

‘‘i will stay’‘he signed sitting down next to you,you sense there was something off between the two of you in the air as you pressed play.

Half way through the documentary,you could hear his breathing becoming heavier and heavier as time passed,seeing the familiar face of the killer that tormented him and his crew

‘‘are you ok char...’‘you questioned him but before you could finish your question,he got up in a haste and run to the bathroom.

‘‘Charlie what’s wrong’‘you yelled following right behind him,closing the door on your face.

‘‘Can you please leave me alone for a minute’‘his voice shaky from inside the bathroom.

What happened? and why was he so upset over these types documentaries,he always watched them with you why was he suddenly so hesitant to watch them,realization hit you like a truck,guilt started taking over you,he has experienced something similar when he was away and you forced the poor man to watch a documentary based on the killer that tried to kill him.

‘‘Charlie i’m sorry i didnt know please come out’‘you pleaded  for him to come out of the bathroom so you can apologise properly but you were only meeted with silence from the other side.Sitting down on the floor with your legs close to your chest,you rested your head on your knees as you waited for him patiently.

After what felt like hours of waiting,you hear the door click open,lifting your head from your knees you tuned towards the direction of the sound and there he was standing next to you.

‘‘I’m really really sorry charlie,i didnt mean to make you unconfortable’‘you apologised,looking up at him as tears threatened to leave from your eyes.

He moved to sit down next to you,you were able to see the line of the tears that stained his cheeks.

‘‘i should have told you from the start’‘he exhaled’‘i just didnt want to make you sad or ruin your passion’‘he said wrapping his hand around your shoulder,bringing you closer as you rested your head on his chest.

‘‘should we watch something else?any recommendations..?you asked

‘‘i think we should watch the movie that i have been telling you for months’‘he replied.you trieed getting up but you were pulled back by charlie’s hand.

‘‘but can we stay like this for a bit’‘

[butchdykenormallen]

okay. trying again with hunger games au.

I think 1 small change I'll make is that I dont wanna age everyone down so I'm just gonna say that the hunger games is for adults too lol.

grian lives in district 11 with his slightly younger brother, Jimmy, and his twin sister, Pearl. (I cant decide if they're fraternal twins or identical and Grian is trans)

his parents illegally hunted to keep them all fed and they taught grian and pearl to hunt too. grian now hunts with the family friend Joel, who also hunts for his small family of his own. they've had to hunt more often as of late (around the time of the reaping(the thing of picking the tributes)) because joel has recently gotten married (lizzie cameo!!)

grian himself doesnt find himself very interested in romance (hes very aromantic coded, he only had a small crush on scar when they were kids and he just has other things to focus on, much like katniss) and he doesnt really get it but hes fine with staying out in the woods later with joel if they need more food if he needs it. joel usually gives him the pelts of extra game to sell at the market so it's a good deal. joel, him, and jimmy are kind of a little friend group in the district (bad boys bad boys)

scar is a baker who the bad boys work with on occasion, mostly getting him stuff because he isn't really allowed out of the house much (its parent stuff, they wont let him move out or leave even tho hes an adult but like he just lives with it bcuz the economy n stuff is so bad that if he left to build his own life hed prolly end up on the streets for a long time)

they mostly go to the black market for him for getting like sugar and they help get baking stuff for him in return for lots of bread. this started back when he and grian were young and scar had to throw out burnt bread and his ma hit him and grian found it like a lil feral animal and paid scar back with a dead rabbit (this is based off a scene in the hunger games but tweaked a bit) and they've been trading ever since. grian wouldnt say they were friends but scar is a sweetheart. hes surprised someone could be kind in the world they live in.

anyways jimmy gets chosen as tribute, grian volunteers to replace him, and then scar is chosen. nobody volunteers for him, which breaks both of their hearts a bit.

their mentor is Martyn and their stylist is a man who goes by the name S. Major who grian swears hes met before

training montage, dressup montage, very gay denial scarian montage, and bam. the games start.

I'm not 100% on who the participants in the game will be because I wanna keep a lot of players alive to be other characters, but also I think grian should 100% group with the southlanders. but that means theyd die and. I dont wanna do that. maybe mumbo could die? maybe hes like rue. but... augh... but martyn is like the mentor so he isnt IN the games...

AUGH

this is always what gets me.

okay so blah blah blah, shit happens, scar loses one of his legs and gets all bloodthirsty about it, they almost commit a double suicide, and the game ends.

I think bigb will be kinda like plutarch? idk. I think characters wont fit super properly into the roles (like I kinda want secret soulmate crumbs but also if you think of them as Katniss and plutarch its weirrdd yk???)

and I actually have to go. so signing off. sorry I didn't finish once more.

once again savign this in my pocket for later touare so coool and i love you. i love when you infodump at me you are awesme

[weirdlizard26]

ok hello hi in honour of me finishing season 6 of dr who i will write out my impression of it before starting s7! that there WILL be spoilers so im putting it under the cut!

first things first, it was definitely a HUGE improvement from s5 in my opinion. like it was in general just a lot more enjoyable for me, though still not quite satisfactory. i think matt smith finally got properly into the role too which is nice.

still. this season was deeply unsatisfying. there were so many interesting threads that i feel just didnt go anywhere or didnt get nearly enough development.

1) i thought the "youre my best friend" scene btwn amy and the doctor was very very sweet but i felt it just came out of nowhere? she spent the entire s5 having to "choose" between him and rory and i do appreciate their friendship but i wish they had more time to really develop that kind of relationship

2) i was honestly so happy to see 2 companions throughout this whole season! i think it makes up for a really fun dynamic :]

3) i love rory with all my heart hes such a sweetheart but i feel a little weird about his character development? it definitely makes a lot of sense seeing as how hes 2k years old at this point but it just feels to me like that was done at amy's expense? it feels like shes denied the same development time and time again and i dont like that. i will be honest i don't like her as a person and that in part is due to her behaviour in s5 (i will never fucking forgive them for that scene where she confessed to the doctor it was so dumb and so deeply unpleasant but i digress) BUT i think shes an interesting character and wasnt done justice. like!!! the way i see it, she is contrasted with all the previous companions by the fact that shes not that great of a person. which isnt a bad thing! she had such a huge potential for growth but it felt like every time she learned a lesson she forgot it the very next episode or it just felt like it just didnt matter in the grand scheme of things. which i blame on the writing, in case that wasnt clear. great potential, terrible performance

4) and now for the loose threads.

4a) madame kovarian was such an intriguing villain and the sneak peaks we got of her only hyped it up but then i feel that just went nowhere? she served cunt for one whole episode where she wasnt even the main focus and then died. and im assuming she didnt REALLY die given this is doctor who after all but her participation in this season specifically was deeply disappointing to me.

4b) in the same vein, i really wish we could see more of melody and more specifically her upbringing and training. all that teasing of "the woman who murders the doctor" only for her to try to kill him for half an episode and suddenly become "one of the good guys" as soon as he makes sad wet puppy eyes at her?

4c) in the same vein (again) all the teasing of how river and the doctor meet and fall in love and then when she meets him for the first time they dont even get to spend any time together to bond and actually develop any real feeling for each other? and then they just get married for no reason other than it was teased? "i love you more than any living being in the universe" bold statement for a girl who met him ~twice~! it was all so intriguing but it just fell flat in the end.

4d) now dont get me wrong. i fucking hated the ending scene of mid season finale. "um actually all of this horror is your fault because you did too good of a job saving people so now people who want to do fucked up shit are scared of you and want to kill you. if only you didnt save all those people so good we wouldnt be in this situation!" like do you realize how ridiculous that is. even so! that literally didnt fucking go anywhere. was it just supposed to be a one-off guilt trip that never gets addressed again and doesnt change anything other than anger me? what was the purpose of that. it was said as if it was leading up to some huge character discovery moment for the doctor but then it just. didnt. he just left to look for melody.

4e) "i didnt want you to die without making you see how much people love you" yeah and. yeah? go on? oh? we're just leaving it at that? no old friends coming together to save his ass and yell at him abt how much they care about him? other than the justice whatever that we saw in ONE episode and who didnt even get any help from the doctor lending him their robot suit? ok.

4f) all that build-up to accepting your fate and being at peace with death (which like. we've already done all that with ten and i loved that arc but whatever ok lets do it again i guess) only for him to not die was. a little disappointing? i mean dont get me wrong im glad hes ok but it just felt empty bc it didnt lead to anything. and like again i LOVED the solution to that particular puzzle! of course the doctor lies and of course he'll find a way to cheat death again thats what he DOES but its just upsetting that that whole build-up was virtually for nothing

ok thats all for now. in conclusion, s6 was much better than s5 for me but still disappointing. hoping s7 will pick up!

as always i welcome any and all comments and discussion just be niceys to me

[blessedshortcake]

3am rant

Tw transphobia, shitty families

One of the things thats been really holding me back from trying to finish school is the grad ceremony. Im almost there i am So Close to graduating and i get sick every time i think about it. Even if i pass with flying colours ill never ever get to be happy and be accepted at the same time.

Im gonna have to wear a stupid white dress, makeup, do my hair, get shoes and a boy and learn dances. Even if i switch schools to where id be allowed a suit my family wouldnt come. No one would. Id be ridiculed and laughed at even more.

Im so fucking upset. I never got to have a good graduation party. I never got flowers or my picture taken. I never got balloons or gifts or a party or a "well done". When i was smaller success was just expected of me. I didnt graduate 8th grade because i was in a stupid smartass program.

I dont want to graduate. I want to in like school standards but i want it alone. I wish i could make people proud i wish i could be happy about my achivements but i have to depend on people that dont even LIKE me. I just want my family to like me.

I feel so stupid and worthless because my classmates dont like me either because im the weird autistic kid so i cant even make myself attend properly for my friends. I want to cry to someone older than me and tell them everything but i have nobody. I dont trust the teachers because i dont know whos safe and who isnt and my family is out of the question and all my friends are my age or a bit younger.

I dont know who to ask or talk to when the country itself is anti lgbt. I just want to get my diploma and leave

"Just dont pay attention to all that its not a big deal" but it is. I never had my prom i was never celebrated i cant just choke down a fundamental part of myself. I used to beg myself for years YEARS to just stop being like i am so i can enjoy dresses again so life can be simple and fine and fun but i DONT and im suppised to be okay with the skin crawling upset i have about it. I just want to be treated like a human not a statistic or a project. Im a person i want to be able to have control and choices and go to bed because i want to sleep

I just want to graduate.

[vore-scientist]

I still haven’t finished reading everything you wrote on the mystical forest, but I love the concept and will surely read everything you create on it.

As for my question, I just arrived at the part where Sophia’s brother learned she is most likely going to be the next ruler over the forest and I got thinking. If she gets to be the next ruler I would believe she would end up giving some freedoms to Yonah when it happens on the distant future, one of which being able to take vacations from his evil wizard job so he could leave the forest once in a while.

And that got me to another little devious thought of Yonah going in one of such vacations on the far away future and encountering some of the thief’s he previously ate on his journey, which would lead to them thinking he wanted another taste, before he explained he wouldn’t eat anyone when he wasn’t on his “evil wizard” role, also, they would be way older and wiser as to not spread word of the giant and how he would let them scape to others. Yonah might even find some who would agree to giving another taste or even to be a little snack in exchange of a healing potion or something.

Anyways, this is just me getting too exited over this story and creating some fics on my head, but would love to see this in your wetting if you ever feel like it! I just love the way you write.

Also, it really is comical that Sophia has a higher body count than Yonah on writing, when we know it’s actually the opposite. It just is really funny in my head.

AHHHHH IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY YOU ARE LOVING MY STORIES!!! Warms my heart. makes it all worth it. By the way: you are free to write fanfiction. You would not be the first one to do so. toss in your own OCs even, my world is a sandbox for anyone to play in. dig holes, build castles, make mud. Or just keep tossing out the ideas to me. i never tire of hearing them, though as a grad student i have little time to write >.<

So! about King Sophia: I actually wrote a post-main storyline short so unless i failed to properly tag that, you'll read it eventually. Also i need to find the post but i KNOW i posted Yonah's contract with king ben. idk why i cant find it. here's the google doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LBv5yCWyIanLrWLrUgWQUfa2kXLzdM8P/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=106643572354206944350&rtpof=true&sd=true

As the contract states: Yonah's "employment" ends with either his death or king ben's. You can guess which condition is met XD in that INSTANT yonah's tether to the tower is gone, he is no longer contractually obligated to be the evil giant/wizard.

He becomes sophia's second in command and chief royal wizard.

I also did a funny comic with King Sophia once: LINK

i hecking LOVE your idea however yonah is an ASS and he WILL eat thieves again even if he's not an "evil giant" anymore he loved being evil and being evil suits him so he keeps some of those tendencies. Though he wouldnt eat every thief he meets again, and writing a story where he meets a previous thief and doesnt eat them again would be very fun too! I copy and pasted your idea into my MW idea/prompts google document.

[also just so you know, according to AO3, and keep in mind I have not posted all of MW to AO3 bc i just... missed some... i gotta fix that... but according to AO3 there are 215,577 words and 34 stories (with many of the thief stories being counted as one story with many chapters...) so yeah not surprised you havent read ALL OF IT]

[cherrytea556]

Are these signs/symptoms of neurodivergence?

I'm questioning if im neurodivergent (like autism or something) and i want to know if these are sign/symptoms of it based on my experience;

I tend to notice how i always tend to move in repeat (spinning, rocking back and force, bouncing leg, doing step to step etc...).

I make little eye contact with people. Now i am capable of making eye contact (even if it feels a bit off) though thats a habit i always have.

I dont know how to explain things in my head, i have the idea but i dont seem to know how to actually explain what it is and comes like idk, choppy? Definitely not well, thats for sure. Same with writing like now.

I tend to notice that sometimes i dont understand basic stuff like when my parents asked me to do something in a direction, im confused on what direction they meant until they point it out or a question my friend asked on how much i eat (a lot or little), i try to explain it in my own way because i thought it was in general but it was actually just food on one plate. She wonders why it was harder for me to answer since it was suppose to be a easy question, to which im also questioning as well.

I'm not good at communication. I try to with questions and stuff but i dont think i can have a long conversation unless the other person wants to talk about stuff (and even then i wonder what input i would give). Comforting is also hard for me since i want to make sure that im doing it right for my friends though i dont know how, again i try, and i do understand them if their upset about something, i just don't know how to exactly comfort them.

I use to have poor coordination when i was younger, whether its bumping into things or spraining/hurting my foot, my coordination wasnt up to standard to say the least. It got better as time went on though i find that I cant walk a straight line, its always a bit to the left or right.

I have a forgetful memory. I tend to forget things from my childhood from a large proportion or i have such vivid memories of them but i cant be specific at explaining it. This is also why i have trouble at school at times because whenever a video is playing and we have to write during the video playing, im worried that i wouldnt catch on and answer nothing.

I dont understand comedy and how to do it, im often the last one to get the joke (which is why i probably wont write a comedy, instead focusing on characters and how they bounce off each other)

People tend to tell me that i either talk loudly or quietly even when i dont notice it (especially being loud)

I dont sit properly. I notice that i dont sit regularly most of the time

I repeat stuff like pulling the jacket sleeves to my hands or just generally repeat something if i feel like its not right. Also when i was young, i use to repeat things characters say a lot of the time which faded but hasnt completely stopped)

I dont know if its sensory issues or something but i hate kissing noises, i always tend to swat it away like its a fly

I used (and still do) have weird visions, i dont want to describe them but they were definitely odd. I also notice that i view myself as random characters from media, not that i think i am the character but when im talking, i imagine myself as the character as im talking randomly if that makes sense

I laugh even if i don't actually find it funny

I took online tests and most of the answers were that i have moderate symptoms/chance of autism (not to self diagnose of course, just questioning)

I use to walk around in circles daily when i was in primary and i still do (just not around the whole room/in the oval this time lol)

For some reason, i dont have energy to do things like there was work for health yesterday and i finished it all except for one which isnt hard to answer exactly but i didnt have the energy to do it for some reason. It's very hard to do stuff if your brain just randomly has nothing (which happens at times)

I will play a movie multiple times in the background for some reason, it could just be a decent enough film and my brain will just make me repeat it as background noise (the knives out franchise, 7 women and a murder and now its death of 2021) This should be taken a grain of salt since it could just be things neurotypical people do as well

I dont think i have a special interest though when im really interested in stuff i found, i would look into it and want to share that info (like a creators unknown controversy or a random person i never heard of before having a tumblr call out blog about them) Im just really interested in odd things in general. I also regularly look at specific blogs/tags on tumblr daily like its a thing in my routine lol

I cannot make new friends (similar with communication but in a more general sense) i just dont know how, theirs students that nice to me but i dont know how to make them my friend per say (i dont connect with my year group that much tbh)

I think thats all I have, any answer to this is welcomed

[just-some-random-blogger]

rise and shine, lovely classmate! have a nice day (or whatever)! 'omg you need lenses' yeah... i still got questions like 'are you wearing your lenses today?' from people who know i cant see without my glasses and do wear lenses. every time im just ???? 'are you an onion?' you never know... i feel sorry for these times so i say it?.. remember the first time i learnt sorry means both apologizing and feeling bad for smn, i was bros these are different words wtf... 'you were attacked?' I MEAN. shes the clingy type of drunk. shes pretty touchy in general. and YES my poor pretty butt was ATTACKED. yesterday she slapped it so unexpectedly i dropped my phone... '[pets head]' meowmeow. 'i wonder why languages thought it was a good idea to make words fem and masc' ig like ive said half logic and half why not. probably some traditions of patriarchal society that language just absorbed, maybe just logically the forms of other words that were paired with pronouns kept stable with others. we never TRULY know. maybe just a crazy king said i want to refer to a girl as neuter (its been years but still german wtf). 'ur so mean' take it after my catmom. 'why am i a baby?' 1)youre a baby 2) youre so clueless abt su so youre a baby in it TT 'im so sorry. it was like an expression' OH its ok no need to apologize so much. i see now. youre educational. but english IS indeed a rat. sorry not sorry. 'i wonder what ur teacher said' AJAHDJF no we didnt talk abt it... BUT my classmates who never even opened the book were SO loud about 'knowing its about a kink'. they were even proud? to not think 'properly' and searching for the meaning witch literature usually does but understanding its about 🤩SEX🤩 SO big brained of them. men yuck. they can and must go touch yellow snow. but after the lesson we still talked a lil abt him being worldwife and being kinky in literally 'the encyclopedia of russian life' as one lit critic said. WHAT THE cat drama do you have there TT tbh im so sorry for them all TT none of these pure creatures deserves to suffer from a life like this. 'you dont have to give me fic ideas everyday' still dont take all my words to heart. i know i dont. i wouldnt be able even if i wanted to💀 if im sincere or sarcastic in russian then theres a comma after sorry but if not then i try to make it less serious. witn the absence of a comma... nvm. id give you that daemon idea i teased you already as soon as your dream brainrot ends. even if its enDLESS gsijgerg sorry. 'read and fear follow war' so true so unfortunate. 'russia would come and bonk me' well not all russia. st. petersburg has a rather humid-ish climate, as i know, Far East (basically the east of russia as well as the northern(?) part of the continent. it has a common border with china so the asian influence is pretty big) is humid too. dryness is the feature of places with low temperature. everywhere. 'at least you can see the stars better' does it worth struggling with health problems?? like... the salaries in the north are higher just bc of the risks living here has💀. but i dont end up with completely bad stuff!! that meme you replyed with ”𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐨𝐧 𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐤… 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐚𝐬𝐬.” HGJDJFJF rhaenyras' ass must be as little as laenor's efforts to make an heir.... I WANTED TO SAY THIS PUN SM. also? ive finished hotd's bts and. i confirm that i hate rhaenyra (esp young. sorry milly). as the character. shes absolutely irresponsible, reckless and spoilt. she had everything and still was what? why? its not a new thing for a princess in the fiction to be tired and wanting to 'live alone'. but rhaenyra was showed to not do these things?.. like she merely needs to pour wine and she still flies away? remember, im judgemental. i understand her character. and understand her intentions. but i personally dont like people like this (ESP after seeing how shes comparable to my ex-friend who screwed me a couple of times bc of her irresponsibility and talked shit abt me🤩). in this case im absolutely alicent. anyway. have a good day! good luck with all of your plans! luv u! take care <з

MY BINGBING HOLA <3

HAHAHAHAHAHAH LOOOK AT DIS CAT

rise and shine, lovely classmate! have a nice day (or whatever)!

i read this in the morning but i had class and did homework and a fic so its night now HAHHAHAHAH

'omg you need lenses' yeah... i still got questions like 'are you wearing your lenses today?' from people who know i cant see without my glasses and do wear lenses. every time im just ????

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH LOL press f to pay respect. f. i cant related i got 20/20 vision 🤩 this is where we differ

'are you an onion?' you never know...

i feel sorry for these times so i say it?.. remember the first time i learnt sorry means both apologizing and feeling bad for smn, i was bros these are different words wtf...

HAHAAHAAHAHAH i mean theyre different in filipino too but i get where theyre coming from lol. what a judger 🙄

'you were attacked?' I MEAN. shes the clingy type of drunk. shes pretty touchy in general. and YES my poor pretty butt was ATTACKED. yesterday she slapped it so unexpectedly i dropped my phone...

omg aslfhasfhlashfsaosafhsaf AHAHHAAHHAH. f. at least your ass is pretty (;

'[pets head]' meowmeow.

'i wonder why languages thought it was a good idea to make words fem and masc' ig like ive said half logic and half why not. probably some traditions of patriarchal society that language just absorbed, maybe just logically the forms of other words that were paired with pronouns kept stable with others. we never TRULY know. maybe just a crazy king said i want to refer to a girl as neuter (its been years but still german wtf).

DOWN WITH THE PATRIARCHY [SHOOTS MACHINE GUN] that king is so L. DOWN WITH THE MONARCHY [rATATATATATAT]

'ur so mean' take it after my catmom.

): no you dont, im not judgy like you

'why am i a baby?' 1)youre a baby

2) youre so clueless abt su so youre a baby in it TT

k

'im so sorry. it was like an expression' OH its ok no need to apologize so much. i see now. youre educational. but english IS indeed a rat. sorry not sorry.

i dont nearly apologize as much as you do so /: let me apologize T_T im glad i taught you that at least, albeit confusing you first

'i wonder what ur teacher said' AJAHDJF no we didnt talk abt it... BUT my classmates who never even opened the book were SO loud about 'knowing its about a kink'. they were even proud? to not think 'properly' and searching for the meaning witch literature usually does but understanding its about 🤩SEX🤩 SO big brained of them. men yuck. they can and must go touch yellow snow. but after the lesson we still talked a lil abt him being worldwife and being kinky in literally 'the encyclopedia of russian life' as one lit critic said.

stOP BOYS ARE SO YUCKY MEN ARE SO YUCKY THEY LIKE THIS ALL OVER THE WORLD BOOOOOOO TOMATO TOMATO 🤬🤬🤬🤬😡😡😡😡🍅🍅🍅🍅🤢🤢🤢🤢👎👎👎👎❌❌❌❌ i remember many instances where this has happened in class never opened the book or listened but knows all the lewd stuff about it /: and so yuck. but still EW ABOUT THE YELLOW SNOW booooo 👎

WHAT THE cat drama do you have there TT tbh im so sorry for them all TT none of these pure creatures deserves to suffer from a life like this.

yeah BUT I SAW THE PAWLESS CAT TODAY my granny named him Tol, short for Putol which means... like broken? chopped? AHSFK>HAK>SFHAS lol at least hes not dead

'you dont have to give me fic ideas everyday' still dont take all my words to heart. i know i dont. i wouldnt be able even if i wanted to💀 if im sincere or sarcastic in russian then theres a comma after sorry but if not then i try to make it less serious. witn the absence of a comma... nvm.

T_T DAMN THAT WAS SARCASTIC ur so dry /: LOL i guess i will never believe you again. ever. never ever ever. 😭✊

id give you that daemon idea i teased you already as soon as your dream brainrot ends. even if its enDLESS gsijgerg sorry.

ur pun. lahsflhafasfhah ok. also, i love dream im not going to stop my brainrot anytime soon i think, OH OH OH BUT YOUR STORY IS IN MY QUEUE NOW!!! IN THE KEEP!!!!!! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHH AND THEN AFTER IS P3 OF THE MODERN DAEMON AU T_T AS:FASFASF: IT ONLY TOOK 5THOUSAND YEARS BUT ITS HERE

which one do you want me to do first btw? i havent written in the keep at all but i am like... halfway done with the p3 so if you want i can finish that first. nah i;ll just finish that first so i can post it tom HIHIIHIHIH

'read and fear follow war' so true so unfortunate.

😞.

'russia would come and bonk me' well not all russia. st. petersburg has a rather humid-ish climate, as i know, Far East (basically the east of russia as well as the northern(?) part of the continent.

🙃so waht if its humid if its like negative degrees ???? aslahsfasf

it has a common border with china so the asian influence is pretty big) is humid too.

oh! wow ur so right i was think of like the '-stan' countries i forgot china is huge and close to russia too lol HAHAHA

dryness is the feature of places with low temperature. everywhere.

wait so you mean st. petersburg is warm? sus

'at least you can see the stars better' does it worth struggling with health problems?? like... the salaries in the north are higher just bc of the risks living here has💀.

damn

but i dont end up with completely bad stuff!!

well im glad! lshddsglhsdgds stay safe and take care always ok

that meme you replyed with ”𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐨𝐧 𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐤… 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐚𝐬𝐬.” HGJDJFJF

MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOOR WHEN I SAW THAT LAHLAHSFLKASF WHAT IS THAT ALSHFALHFLASHF LOL HAHAHAH

rhaenyras' ass must be as little as laenor's efforts to make an heir.... I WANTED TO SAY THIS PUN SM.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 ok my love T_T i hope youre satisfied.

also? ive finished hotd's bts and. i confirm that i hate rhaenyra (esp young. sorry milly).

RIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP POOORRRR MILLLYY HAHHHAAA

as the character. shes absolutely irresponsible, reckless and spoilt. she had everything and still was what? why? its not a new thing for a princess in the fiction to be tired and wanting to 'live alone'. but rhaenyra was showed to not do these things?.. like she merely needs to pour wine and she still flies away? remember, im judgemental. i understand her character. and understand her intentions. but i personally dont like people like this

yeah no youre so right. she does live in a world of privilege so i understand where youre coming from. i mean they're all born from places of privelage so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ idk i feel neutral for her, and everyone, or at least i think i do cos its been a while since i finished the show and all remember is mmm yum daemon mmm yum aemond mmm yum yum yum HAHAHHAH

(ESP after seeing how shes comparable to my ex-friend who screwed me a couple of times bc of her irresponsibility and talked shit abt me🤩).

emotional baggage who lasfhlakhfhas HAHHAHA. i hope youve found peace within yourself about her. i have had my fair share of ill wrought feelings and its genuinely better to forgive i find

in this case im absolutely alicent.

good for you. she cray too, everyone is, but im glad you found your favorite <3

anyway. have a good day! good luck with all of your plans! luv u! take care <з

i think ill finish editing my song cover tonight. or at least i hope i do.

im luv u so much thank you for dropping by today <3

xxx

[frosnpls]

cw vent,, doin bad tonite lads

idk if i have PMDD or if it's the SAD or if it's the work stress or if it's the state of this country and the fact that I'm slowly losing hope of both living independently/being able to afford such as well as ever being able to ever begin to transition properly or just whatever the fuck but man im not having a good time

i keep thinking lately about how ive never been able to catch a break and like sometimes i feel like im blowing it out of proportion and that its not fair because i do actually lead a fairly privileged life but also like. i was literally bullied at the age of THREE by my nursery teacher because she mistook the clear signs of my neurodivergence as misbehaviour. i struggled through school because nobody noticed i was neurodivergent and the people who did didnt want to admit it. i developed body dysmorphia by the age of like 8 iirc. i was bullied throughout all of my childhood and struggled so badly because i didnt have any support in place because somehow nobody noticed the very clear signs of adhd and autism. i lost my teenage years to severe bullying which caused permanent trauma and then lost the four years of my life after finishing school to essentially becoming a carer for an abusive suicidal boyfriend and then spent months after his death blaming myself for "not doing enough" when i had literally become a recluse because i was afraid that if i went out he might need me and i wouldnt be available. this year was the first year i think ive ever actually felt Right because i felt like i had myself figured out and i was doing what i wanted and i felt free and i just. i think theres an element of grieving for probably like a good sixteen or so years of my life where i was consistently traumatised by something and had no chance to find myself as a person

i feel consistently selfish for it but i just want someone to see how much im struggling and acknowledge it yknow like. offer some help or take care of me for a bit. i dont understand why but im in this role of a protector and caretaker for others and whilst i want to look after people and i care so so deeply about the people i do look after id also like to be looked after occasionally, you know? like. the day my cat died my partner was there and i got out of bed and my mum gave me the news and i went downstairs and i held her and i went back to my room and got in bed and started crying and. my partner put their arm around me and said he was sorry and i just curled up into them and cried and i genuinely think its the most ive ever felt cared for in at least my working memory

when i was younger sometimes my dad would try to comfort me when i cried and when i tried to explain why i was crying he would say "oh, [deadname]" in this really sympathetic tone and i remember always hoping he would do it when i cried because it made me feel like someone was actually acknowledging how much i was hurting and there came a point where he stopped saying it and idr if it was just because i was getting older and it sounded condescending or if it was at the point where i started hiding from my parents when i was upset because i didnt want them to worry but there was a period of time where i would actually miss that exclamation every time i cried even though i wasnt coming to my dad for comfort

i want to ask for help and seek help and comfort and be vulnerable enough to let people know i need it but also theres people who rely on me and i worry that if i dont seem positive or up to it they might think they cant come to me and i want them to be able to come to me i really do. then also i feel like if i bring my hurt to others all im going to do is upset or inconvenience them and i dont want to do that

im just trapped because i dont want anyone to worry about me but also i kind of do and it makes me feel so selfish like why would anyone ever want people to worry about them but its just in that way that like. iwould maybe just like to be asked if im alright before ive expressed that im not. i would like someone to notice that im quieter than usual or that i dont seem as enthusiastic or upbeat as i do most of the time and ask how im feeling. even that makes me feel selfish though and i hate it because i know realistically that isnt selfish but equally any normal person would just seek out the comfort they need right?? but i cant because if i initiate it then it means im annoying someone or upsetting someone or taking up someone's valuable time

i dont understand how i can be both looking after others, taking time to check on them and make sure theyre alright, give advice and welcome people in if they need me, and then also at the same time feel like the world biggest dickhead if i even dare to think about asking for the same from someone. or refusing to take my own advice. i need a mental health break from work desperately and my partner keeps telling me this as well but i keep refusing because we had 4 staff members off sick this week and if i went off as well it would make things hard for them. i just cant,, prioritise myself

im tired of england and im tired of the world and im tired of having to figure out how im going to manage to exist in the way i want to one day and im tired of feeling selfish for desiring human contact and im tired of waking up before the sun's up and im tired of feeling sad and not understanding why and im just. im just tired

[nycnko]

[lockleysfav]

Wake up

santiago garcia and frankie morales x reader

summary: It had been two days since you had been returned home from being tied down, cut, beaten and burned with flaming iron. You’re laying in a sleeping bag in the woods, asleep with the group until you have a nightmare.

warnings: pstd reader, fluff, unedited

You were inbetween Frankie and Santiago fast asleep while the rest of the group were chatting and eating. Frankie was the first to check on you, his beautiful eyes scanning over your exhausted ones. “Fuck sake pope” he mutters causing Santiago to turn around pulling the beer bottle away from his lips “whats up? is she okay?” Frankie grits his teeth “We should’ve been there” he spits “WE SHOULDVE BEEN THERE” the group falls silent at his outburst, Santiago is quick to stand and lightly pull him away from the area.

“hey..hey look at me fish” santi places a hand on his cheek patting it then placing it onto his shoulder “i know, we shouldve been there but we werent. You cant keep blaming yourself man, Y/n wouldn’t want that” Frankie suddenly shoves Santiago “You dont know what the fuck she wants, none of us do because she too afraid to fucking breathe incase its too loud, you know she was probably in that room waiting for us, waiting for us to come and take her back to safety because thats what we do right? we keep her safe not-” his hands are already balled into fist and he paces, Santi knows Frankie wont say it. All he can do is pull him into a hug and tell him everything is gonna be fine, you’re going to be fine. Weirdly enough it soothes him.

—

Will lowers his head, staring at your sleeping body. He felt just as guilty as Frankie did but what was there to do? he had no clues, no directions to who the fuck did this to you and it was tearing him from the inside out.

As they all finished clearing up their bottles, Frankie and Santiago got into their jackets and propped their bags up as pillows next to your body in case you needed anything. It brang comfort to them and the group to see you sleep for the first time in days but it still frightened Frankie, he was scared you wouldnt wake up.

—

“Dónde está el dinero” you felt the knife prick at your throat as tears continued streaming down your bloodied face “I dont fucking know what youre saying” you heard the man chuckle and another bucket of freezing water was thrown over you causing you to let out a strained whimper from the shock “I DONT FUCKING KNOW” your sreaming was silenced as he held up the ak-47 pointing it right between your eyes “inútil puta” he whispered before the bag went over your head and the water came over your head again

“f-frankie!” you were thrashing in your sleeping bag making Santiago stir awake, his body shot up seeing you thrash and he quickly leaned over your body caging it in his arms to calm you, normally it’d be a bad idea to cage someone in when theyre in this state but for you, being caged in by Santi or Frankie was the only way to calm you down. “Hey shhh, y/n cariño its santiago youre safe” his fingers brushed a few sweaty strands from your face and you finally woke up properly, locking eyes with santi. “Pope?” your voice barely came out as a whisper but you knew he heard it because he smiled “i’m here, you’re okay i promise” the both of you looked over at the sudden shuffling, it startled you and you instinctively grasped Santis hand in fear just for him to reassure you with a soft squeeze “it’s just frankie” he whispers.

Frankie sat up and looked over at your body curled into Santiagos, sighing in relief, he crawled over to the both of you and gentle placed his hand on your arm “Y/n, Are you okay baby?” you nodded and turned to face him. Locking eyes with Santiago was something, but locking eyes with Frankie made your fears, worry and pain disappear in seconds. Santi knew you felt more at ease with Frankie because you had known him longer but it didnt help the tinge of jealousy when you were pulled into Frankies arms. He fiddled with his watch and looked over at the group sleeping before turning back to you “Could i uh…hold you too?” his voice lowered as he go to ‘you too’ and you could tell he was upset.

The thing is Santiago was an overthinker and for some reason thought you found comfort in only Frankie but it wasnt the truth, you felt everything for them equally. Frankie was the loving, over protective boyfriend and would take his time inflicting pain on anyone who harmed you. Santiago was the hot headed, possesive but gentle lover and would put a bullet in someones skull with no second thought if they even looked at you funny. He believed no one deserved to live another second, Frankie kept them alive only for them to live in agony, that was of course Santi would lose it and shoot the guy.

-

“of course” you smiled at Santi and suddenly you were sandwiched between the two.

“mi amor estas seguro ahora”