#but idk I’m really fucking angry myself right now

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[strniohoeee]

Hidden In The Shadows Pt. 4(Final Chapter)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Waking up dazed and confused, Y/N is taken by surprise when certain events seem to take place. Unsure of how to feel Y/N battles with the decisions of staying or leaving for good

Warnings⚠️: SADDDDD NGL😭, but like not really but also IDK??? I wasn’t sure how to end this installment, but I know I didn’t want to make it some fairytale type shit LMAOOO

Songs for imagine: Blue Moon- Elvis Presley, Bang Bang(My Baby Shot Me Down)- Nancy Sinatra

Tags: @lacysturniolo @gamermattsgf @nicksmainbitch @s7urnfilms @sturnssmuts @vickyzloserz @mayhem-72 @sturn3g1rl @mattsturniolowifey

Blue Moon

You knew just what I was there for

You heard me saying a prayer for

Someone I really could care for

If my mother could see the position I was currently in she’d be so ashamed….disappointed even. She’s always taught me stranger danger and leave it to her daughter to sleep with the stranger and the danger….

I can’t remember much, but I can remember the emptiness….the cold darkness of my mind. My physical body slumps somewhere while my conscious fights to wake me up.

Who knows what’s going on in the real world right now. I could be tied to a pole and slow roasting like a pig, or maybe even locked in someone’s dungeon. Or what if this is all some crazy bad dream and I’m actually back home in my comfortable bed….

My thoughts were slowly coming to a halt as my eyes began to open slowly. Squinting at the sensitivity they were facing I groaned and cleared my throat. The throbbing in my head and the burning of my nose leads me to believe Matt used an awful lot of chloroform to knock me out. He’s lucky he didn’t kill because I’d haunt his ass.

Opening my eyes fully I realized I was tied to a chair in a basement? Oh actually my basement? Looking around I realized I was in the same place I was when Matt caught me.

I began to move against the ropes, pulling and yanking as I groaned in anger.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you” I heard from behind me, causing me to stop and jump

“Who’s there” I asked trying to look over my shoulders

“Why’d you have to be so nosy? Making everything so complicated” I heard him say

“You fucking psycho….Matt let me fucking go” I said pulling harder against the ropes

“You see I just can’t do that” he replied to me walking from behind me

“You fucking weirdo….oh god….oh my god I had sex with a fucking psycho… please just kill me that would be less embarrassing” I say shaking my head and tapping my feet on the ground

Coming from behind me Matt stands in front of me. Except he doesn’t look angry…. He looked concerned and scared. Which made me a bit scared and anxious

“What are you doing?” I yelled at him yanking myself around

“sit still” he said in a firm whisper

“Fuck off” I said in annoyance to him

Grabbing my face to have me look at him I attempted to yank away.

“GET OFF OF ME” I yelled at him trying to bite him

“STOP IT AND LOOK AT ME” he says with wide eyes

Letting go of me he steps back. Looking over his shoulder he turns back to me. Placing his pointer finger over his mouth he motions for me to stay quiet and then with the same finger points behind himself and then points to his ear.

“Listen here darling you’re going to do as I say” he says sternly and loudly

Digging in his back pocket he takes out a piece of paper, unraveling it he faces it to me so I can read.

They’ve been on you this whole time and they used me to get to you. At first I was going to do it, but I like you too much. They’ve been in your house multiple times and have found all the information you have on this town. I’m so sorry for who I am and what my family has done; but I don’t want to hurt you. They are having me watch you while they put all your stuff in your car. They’re planning to kill you and make it seem like it was an accident. However I won’t let that happen. I’m going to get you out of here and I have a plan! But they don’t fully trust me and are listening to me and watching my every move. So please just do as I say. I’m sorry.

After reading the note a tear slipped down my face and I looked up at Matt. His eyes softened and his lip trembled, swallowing thickly he nodded his head. Folding the paper back up he put it in his back pocket.

“You will listen to me and me only! Make any stupid moves and I will kill you myself” he says loudly with a sincere look

“Go to hell” I spat at him

Listening above he heard the two men walk away from the basement door. Ushering over to me quickly he got down and began to whisper

“Okay so here’s the plan. There is only one way out and only one chance to get this right so please do as I say. They’re loading up your car and they’re planning on having me drive you to a secluded area a little outside of this town. They want me to set your car on fire” he says shaking his head and looking down

“What?” I say shocked and beginning to panic

“My getaway car was planted in the area and they will be checking tonight to see that your car is completely burnt. However it won’t be there because you’ll be on your way back to Vegas. You’ll be out of their hair which will give you time to leave Vegas” he says grabbing my hand

“But what about you Matt? They’ll kill you….” I say as my voice shakes

“Exactly” he says nodding his head

“No….no you can’t do that! Come with me” I say to him looking at him in the eyes

“I can’t…they’ll catch up before we leave and we’ll both be dead instantly. Suzie and I tried it when we were 14. Thought we could leave and be young lovers together. They shot her dead in front of me… told me I’d be next if I ever stepped out of line again. You remind me so much of her I can’t see that happen again” he replied wiping tears from his eyes

“Matthew no…. I can’t leave you to die” I say sobbing

“Maybe it’s been my destiny all along” he says to me

“Maybe you can escape right before they come looking for my car. You’d get a good head start on them! Meet me in Vegas. We can run away together” I say nodding my head and licking my tear stained lips

He chuckled lightly and shook his head, opting not to answer as he stood up.

“I need you to walk outside with me when it’s time. Pretend to mouth me off, kick, scream holler! I’ll stuff you in the car and we’ll be on our way” He says to me

“Okay yeah yeah” I respond nodding my head

“But for now we wait” he states, backing up and leaning against the pole.

About thirty minutes passed before we heard anything. Barely mumbling a few words to each other. My throat had run dry from the anxiety. The fact that I could die if one thing goes wrong but mainly the fact that the last moments I’ll be sharing with Matt is him helping me escape my death that will then become his death….. my heart couldn’t take letting him die

He was destined for more. The way his eyes would light up anytime he asked me about what Vegas is like or what any other place I’ve ever visited was like. What stuck with me the most was the way his face would change when he’d realized the life he was living and what he’d have to go back to. The twinkle always disappearing. It made my heart heavy.

I wouldn’t let him die. It’s not happening and I don’t care what I have to do to prevent it. He’s had such a painful life and he’s going to honor it by dying….

My thoughts were interrupted by Matt, my eyes slowly shifting from the basement window over to his face.

“They called us up, I’m going to grab you by the back of your head and I need to just start lashing out immediately, got it?” He asked me

“Got it” I said to him

Quickly helping me out of the rope that held me to the chair he grabbed the back of my head as my arms were tied behind my back.

Gripping my hair harder I knew it was time to give it my all. Taking a shaky breath I began to yell

“LET GO OF ME, YOU AND THIS TOWN A BUNCH OF CRAZIES” I yelled as I thrashed against his grip

“Quit it” he yelled back as he pulled me up the stairs with him

“You think you can get rid of me huh? MY WHOLE FAMILY WILL COME HERE LOOKING FOR YOU” I said firmly

“LET GO LET GOOO” I kept yelling as I pulled against him, tears streaming down my face

He walked us towards the front door and that’s where Beaufort stopped us.

“Such a fiery little lady! I knew from the moment you called you’d be a problem. But one thing about me is I make my problems go away” he says sucking his tobacco and grinning at me

“You won’t get away with this you sick son of a bitch” I spat at him

“Watch me” he said smiling and opening the front door for me

“NOOO STOP NO PLEASEEE” I yelled as I kicked and thrashed against Matt. My legs swinging as I tried to “escape” his grip

“Should’ve stood in your home town. So sad you’ll be having a little accident” Beaufort says to me as he steps onto my porch

“I’ll kill you all just you watch” I yelled as Matt shoved me into the back seats as I continued to kick and hit things

Beaufort smiled an evil smile as he waved goodbye. Matt hopped in the front seat as we began to back out of my gravel driveway.

Driving down the road Matt looked in his rear view mirror before looking at me

“Okay we’re in the clear” he says to me

Sitting up I looked at him opening my mouth to talk but stopping once I saw him shaking his head no at me.

“You can’t get me to change my mind” he says

“Matt this is not okay. I basically just signed your death wish” I said to him

“And I told you maybe it’s what’s best for me” he replied shrugging his shoulder

“Okay and maybe it isn’t! Maybe it isn’t” I said sternly to him as I began to lose my patience

“Matt we’ve had such an amazing connection this past month, a connection I’ve never had with anyone else before and you can’t just leave me” I said pleading with him

“Don’t you get it? I can’t have them coming after you. I care for you lot sweetheart and if I had to live with another love of mine being hurt I couldn’t live with myself.” He replied gripping the steering wheel harder

I huffedd out a breath of annoyance and sat back in the seat, letting a few tears fall from my face. This is pure insanity! I couldn’t live with myself if Matt got hurt or even killed. I felt confused, one hand I’d be safe but on the other hand Matt would potentially be….. dead.

I hadn’t even realized how long I was in thought until the car came to a halt and I heard Matt put the car in park.

Hopping out of the car I followed suit

“Take the car and run like hell outta here darlin” he said handing the keys to me

“Please come with” I begged as I chewed my bottom lip

“I can’t little lady” he responded shaking his head and wiping his nose

“Ditch your getaway car and come with me burn your car and let’s go, we can run like hell out of here together” I said gripping onto his arms

“I can’t, I have to go back” he says looking me in my eyes

“Can you at least attempt to leave town? Maybe tonight before they come looking for my car, leave before them” I said basically begging

“I can try, but I can’t make any promises darlin” he states swallowing thickly

“Please Matt…. For me” I say wiping my eyes

“The best I can do is try, this is for you. Whether I make it out alive or not just know I want you to be safe and I will always be with you” he says to me pulling me in for a hug

“I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done” he says to me as he pulls away

“I’m going to miss you” I say to him

“I’m still here” he says smiling at me

I shook my head and hugged him once again

“I better head on back” he says pulling away

Turning on his heels he walks over to his car as I follow behind. Hopping in his car he rolls down his window as I lean on it.

“Now darlin you have to promise me that you’ll listen and you’ll get out of here. Don’t try and save me” he says smiling as he bats tears from his eyes

“I promise” I responded in a whisper

“And you have to promise to never forget about me” I told him as I smiled

“I could never! I swear I’ll try and contact you if I can pretty girl” he says back as he nods his head

“Thank you Matt for getting me out of here” I say one last time

Looking into his eyes I lean over and plant my lips on his. The kiss was needy and sad. It was a goodbye kiss…. A goodbye that meant forever. There was no see you later with Matt….

We hugged and shared one last final kiss. Parting ways I got in my car and we both drove off. I was numb the whole way home. I mean how does one process all of this? My life felt so unreal?

There were many hours of crying, sitting in silence and contemplations of turning back around. I just felt so confused, I didn’t want to leave Matt and I also didn’t want to die…. I didn’t have many options

Arriving home was the most bittersweet moment. I couldn’t really tell anyone what I really went through. What that town and what those people are truly like

I spent many days in and out of therapy really trying to understand what happened to me and how to process it. What really ate at me was the fear of being found, the fear of dying and especially the fear of never seeing Matt again.

One year later

If I knew that that day I hugged and kissed Matt goodbye would be the last time I’d ever see him, I’d hold on tighter. When I finally realized Matt wasn’t coming back it hurt bad… I mean I’d hid away blaming myself for all of this.

Wondering well maybe I didn’t push hard enough because if I did he would’ve caved and came with me. Not knowing if he was dead or alive really ate at my soul. Many days went by where I wanted to call his landline, but that would be a one way ticket to my grave.

It was hard moving. After experiencing something so intense with someone and needing them by your side to never seeing them again will always sting the most.

I was angry because I felt he didn’t try hard enough. Because if he did then he’d be here right now. And then that was filled with sadness and worry. I wasn’t sure if he was okay and I had to live with the fact that I would never know.

It’s so crazy how you’ll be living your life one way and then it flips upside down so randomly.

As I finished typing my chapter on my computer I let out a sigh. Writing a book about what I went through and losing Matt was the only way I could seem to cope.

It was actually Professor Wayne who convinced me to write this. He was actually helping me a lot through all this and he truly saw how it changed me. But everytime he saw the excitement in my eyes once I finished a chapter he knew it was genuinely helping me mentally.

Pressing save I closed my laptop and looked out my window. The rain is pattering against the glass. Such a bittersweet feeling. A year ago today I was about to sleep with my weird neighbor and friend and now I’m here in my empty apartment staring out the glass and reminiscing.

It’s still an open wound that I’m working on daily to stitch close. No one prepares you for traumatic events, especially ones that chemically alter your brain. I watched the rain trickle down the warm glass as I blink slowly. Racking my brain for answers…. I mean hell I’m just looking for one simple answer

I just want to know is Matt truly dead, or is he just

Hidden in the shadows….

The End

Yallll I hope you enjoyed the finale cause I hated it🤭 this is why I don’t write series because I’m so shit at ending things. But anywho I hope you liked it and I can’t wait to write some more for yall 🥹🖤

-J💅🏽

[stonertora]

Sub Kenma x Demon Fem. Dom reader ❤️

Part 1

MINORS DNI, HEAVY NSFW

Warnings: drug use or abuse idk (reader smoking weed) , breath play, fingering, size kink, rough sex, blood, spanking, marking, biting, slapping, pet play, bondage, humiliation, orgasm control, cursing, heavy language, overstimulation, age gap (age isn’t mentioned), choking, hair pulling, squirting, anal, spit, pegging, mommy kink

So I’ll just make something clear right ahead or ppl get confused, the reader definitely has some demonic abilities and features like horns, wings and a tail, I’ll just say that Reader herself can choose who sees the features or not, so people might not see them. I’ll also write it in readers pov.

After I ended my 9 hour shift, I just needed something to drink, an energy drink would do it’s job tho, so I’ll buy two for my boyfriend too. after I say goodbye to my coworkers, I quickly left.

my legs were hurting. standing all day really wasn’t made for me, I could just fly all day, but of course I can’t do that, what would people think of me, seeing some cashier randomly floating in the air? they’d probably freak out and call the police, so yeah, I can’t do that here.

It’s about 8 p.m. so now I’m on my way to the nekoma highschool, getting my boyfriend from his volleyball training. I could hear his friends already yelling and laughing, nothing new though they’re always fucking around with each other. I bet Yaku’s beating Levi’s ass again.

Only thinking about it got me crackling. I mean he shouldn’t mention Yaku’s height all the time, so it’s his fault. As I walked closer to the boys, I looked for Kuuro cause where Kuuro is, Kenma can’t be far away.

,,Sup bitches. Where’s Kenma at?’’

I yelled out of no where, suddenly the pain in my legs all gone, and adrenaline building up in my body, that’s one thing I love about his friends, they never fail to light the mood. Most of them nearly got a heart attack, which brought a wide grin to my face.

,,Damn y/n, you could’ve warned us at least, Levi almost shat his pants. Anyways your boyfriends on the toilet right now.”

Kuuro told me, almost loosing it himself thinking about Levi’s scream, but couldn’t suppress a slight grin on his face. So I sat down on the bench next to the boys, listening to how their training went, how Levi kept on fucking up the easiest stuff, or how they once again tried to stop Yaku from beating his ass, which I know had Kenma’s hair growing grey soon.

,,Damn Levi, you really should keep up with the training, if you keep fucking up Yaku’s really about to kill your tall ass.”

I told him, while opening my energy drink.

,,But it’s not that easy y/n-Chan, I just seem to really be too stupid for all this. And stop calling me ‘tall ass’, or I might call you minor dater, old hag or something like that.”

he said already getting himself ready to run for his live.

,,The fuck you said you lil bitch?”

I yelled at him, ready to rip his limbs one by one. I was ready to yeet his stork ass, but couldn’t do it. He got hit pretty hard in the face by some basketball.

,,OWWWW! That FUCKIN’ hurt man!!”

He yelled while blood ran down his nose.

,,Then shut your reckless fucking mouth, bitch.”

Everyone now looking shocked over to the direction the basketball came from. An angry Kenma walking towards us. Okay he was pissed, even more than me myself, you can see it, even a blind person could see it. The fact he extra got himself a basketball instead of a volleyball proves it even more.

I walked over to Levi, and stared straight into his eyes while he sat in the ground, Tora holding a paper wipe on his nose.

,,You can be happy it was Kenma who threw the ball, if it was me and I’ve had be half as mad as Kenma you’d be headless by now. So watch your language.”

I told him, I know he’s probably shitting his pants, but he must hear it.

,,I-I’m sorry, y/n-Chan, Kenma-San, won’t do it again I promise.”

I kneeled down of his level of height and grinned slightly.

,,You’re good, lev. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t kill you. take my energy, it’ll help with the pain, yeah? Keep the cold can on your nose it’ll help it to stop bleeding. “

I stood back up walking over to Kenma handing him the other energy I bought.

,,Take it. You need to calm down. You’re right about what you said but you really didn’t needed to throw a whole ass basketball in his face. Poor man’s probably got a broken nose by now.”

I told him still grinning, I know Lev deserved it, and the scene replaying in my head almost got me loosing it.

,,Whatever…”

Kenma said, taking the energy drink out of my hand.

,,What you say?”

I asked him, voice stern.

,,Sorry, I meant thanks, Babe. He just pissed me off.”

he told me.

,, Yeah, I understand, let’s go home. Your live stream should start in about an hour.”

we walked over to the others.

,,We’re leaving now, his livestream’a gonna start in a hour. See y’all tomorrow!”

After we said goodby to everyone, we’ll except to lev for Kenma, we walked home, enjoying the weather, it’s so hot outside like we’re almost melting. We went inside our apartment, while he started his livestream I started cooking. Some Katsu cutlet with rice and fried eggs and soysauce.

Placing it in two rice bowls, and walking to our shared bedroom. I opened the door quietly, careful not to make any noise, not to disturb his livestream. I placed his bowl next to his PS4, and quietly sat down on our shared king sized bed. I ate my food while watching him gaming. After about 10 minutes I finished, meanwhile he didn’t even touch his food once or looked at it. I didn’t wanted to disturb him, so I sent him a message to eat his food before it gets cold.

After another 10 minutes I got an idea on how i could make him eat. I crawled under his gaming desk, gently laying my head on his left thigh, gently massaging the other one with my right hand. He slowly looks down, while I whispered to him to eat his food. Which he nodded to, but still didn’t touch his bowl once. This. Little. Bitch.

The fuck he thinks he is to just ignore me? So I decided to change my plan a little. Just a little. While he kept streaming and talking to his viewers I started massaging over his crotch, which finally got me a real reaction. Man’s almost choked on his own spit but no one noticed. But he kept ignoring me, so this bitch really wants to know it huh…?

Playing all cool in front of his friends, only if they knew what a little slut he is for me. I kept massaging a little harder on his crotch, already feeling how his boner grows. Still acting all cool huh? Wait till you feel this. I slowly pulled down his pants, together with his boxers. His cock jumping out of his boxers, saying hello to the cool air. A little whimper can be heard.

,,AYO? What was that Kodzuken? 🤨”

I heard one of his friends ask.

,,Nothing, are you schizophrenic or something?”

,,Nah, I heard what I heard. But if you say so…”

heh. You heard damn right, I slowly licked a stripe along his cock, then a few licks on the tip, which ended in me sucking his cock while he’s streaming. I can hear his breath getting faster, heavier, it got worse with every second. Swirling my tongue around his cock, adding my hand to pump what doesn’t fit in my mouth. When I felt him almost cumming I suddenly stopped and stood back up and let myself fall on the bed, watching some TikTok’s. After another 5 minutes I heard something like,

,, Alright, that’s all for today chat, see y’all in 2 days. Bye.”

then he ended the livestream and turned off his PS4, and walked over to the bed, laying down next to me, trying to kiss my neck.

,,Uh excuse me sir? Sluts that don’t eat don’t get to cum, it’s that easy. So eat your food now it might still be warm, if not put it in the microwave. After you ate we can maybe talk about this.”

He looks at me with the “are you serious right now” look on his eyes, but stood up and started eating. I knew he wanted to talk back, but this ain’t working on me, it’s only gonna make everything even worse for him, and he knew this. So I continued watching my videos, after a few minutes i felt something entering the bedsheets, one look down already told me everything.

so I laid back, turning off my phone and laid it down on the little nightstand next to the bed. I felt my pants being pulled down, then some light kisses and rubs against my clothed pussy. My heart starting to beat faster, legs lightly trembling. I felt him pulling my panties aside, his hot breath meeting my now free pussy. He slowly started licking along my pussylips, just how I like it. His tongue meeting my clit, licking lazy circles around it, sucking on it here and there.

,,H-hah…keep going, pretty boy.“

I told him, my breath getting a little heavy. He then moved his wet tongue from my clit to my entrance, now tongue fucking me.

,,Hnggh…just like t-that..“

I grabbed a fist full of his hair, pulling on it, he moaned into my pussy, sending little vibrations straight to my core.

,,Mmhh..g-gonna cum soon, pretty. Make mommy feel good..“

he then again started massaging light circles around my clit with his tongue, adding two fingers inside me, curling them up to meet my g-spot.

,,H-hnggghh~…just like thaat…you’re making mommy feel soooo good..”

my moans getting louder from minute to minute, the lewd sounds working me up even more,

,,P-please…mommy…wan’ you to…c-cum all over..m-my face…m-m’ s-soo…needy for your c-cum..”

that’s all I wanted to hear, him begging, knowing his place, the lewd sounds of moans and being eaten out mixed together sending me over the edge…

———

Sup:) There’s definitely going to be a part two for sure! It’s just it’s 1 am over here and I have to work in like 5 hours. 💀 so I’ll post part 2 tomorrow or Thursday:3 I hope you liked it

[spctrsgf]

the attack

summary: marc was no stranger to a rough fight. but what happens when one fight is a bit too much?

word count: 1.4k

warnings: language, descriptions of blood/wounds/death, marc has a panic attack, angstier than i wanted tbh but

a/n: this was supposed to be fluffy but it turned out so dark i'm sorry idk what happened

another a/n: i want to note that everyone's panic attacks look different, and i tried to factor in what ive seen from moon knight and my own experience with panic attacks to write marc's

He had to get home.

He had to get home, and fast.

His hand came to rest on the bricks of a building beside him as he heaved in a breath, instantly regretting it as sharp pain sliced across his abdomen. With bleary eyes, he looked up to meet the window of a car that held Steven. “Mate, you’re not looking great–” Marc waved him off. “I’m fine, Steven. I just have to-” he shoved himself off the wall with a grunt of effort. “Get home.”

“Please just call y/n.”

“No,” Marc huffed, his patience and energy to argue with Steven wearing painfully thin. “I’m fine.”

“Really?” Jake snorted from a window to his right. “Doesn’t look like it.”

“Fuck off, both of you.”

“Please, Marc-“ Steven tried to placate.

“I can do this by myself.”

“I’m not sure that's a good-”

“Steven!” Marc yelled, exasperated and tired. “Stop.”

The man’s only response was to duck his head with a solemn glare.

“Spector—“ 

The said man whirled on the window. “You too, Jake.”

Jake went to say more, but instead decided to put his tongue back in his mouth and prepare to take control instead.

Marc’s jaw clenched in short victory, and he moved his focus to walking. Only two more buildings. He told himself. His eyes darted every which way in a sort of frantic habit, shoulders tense in his vulnerability. Shoulders tense in the knowledge that if he were to be attacked right now, he wouldn’t make it out alive.

Deep down, he knows that Steven is right. He should call you. He’s aware that you won’t judge his strained words, won’t do anything but get to him as fast as possible. You’ll leave the engine running in your beat up Honda, dash over to where he’d since crumpled onto the ground, toss his arm over your shoulder and haul him into the car and then to your shared apartment, careful to avoid his bloody limbs from touching anything. You’ll patch him up and put him back on his feet, just like you always do.

But– something holds him back tonight. Maybe it’s the blood from the cut that seems to be too deep, something that the suit should have protected him from. Maybe it’s Khonsu’s lying words that ‘it’ll be a quick one tonight, worm.’ Maybe it’s the fact that he let the man’s words get to him, let them crawl under his skin and make a permanent home in his brain. 

Marc Ssspector.

He shook his head, trying to stop the memories before they started.

I heard about your childhood. Tragic, really.

He was nearly there now, maybe a building or two away.

Your brother’s death must’ve cut you deep, knowing that it was your fault. 

He swallowed down his panic.

And then what? Your brother dead, your mother abusive, your father nothing but a shell of a man.

His hands started to shake. Not good, not good, he told himself, he cannot be having a panic attack right now.

No wonder Khonsu wanted you. How easy it must’ve been to take a trainwreck like you in, to make you do all of his dirty work. 

Marc’s breaths became labored as he tried to shove down his pain, both wound and the sharp ended words.

But did Khonsu ever really want you at all?

Marc’s eyes fell to his feet in frustration and in shame. 

Did Layla ever really want you at all?

All he had to do was move his right foot up and forward. Why was it so hard?

Did y/n ever want you at all?

His vision swam with tears as he let them fall down his face, angry and sad and panicked. 

Does anyone ever really want you at all?

He fell to his knees, letting out a yelp of pain.

It was at this moment he realized he might be dying.

He’d done it twice, and he could do it again. It seemed probable. At the moment, being free of his mind and his pain was sounding increasingly appealing. No more guilt, no more trauma, no more Khonsu, no more people taking his heart and shattering it on the floor. 

But as he feels his head go light and his vision rim with white, the only thing he can think of is you. You and your bright smile and perfect eyes and the way you got him, the way you were always there for him and his alters. Steven and Jake too met the front of his mind as he thanked whatever was out there that brought him such amazing people to surround himself with. 

– ✮ –

When Marc came to, he wasn’t in that boat he’d been on with Steven nor was he met with the dirty ground of the street outside his apartment building. No, he was in a bed, his bed. Which meant he was home, in his house. Which meant–

You came strolling in then, and he drank up the sight of you like a man who’d been starved of water. You were wearing one of your typical comfy Saturday outfits, when you’d sit on the couch and write or doodle while he watched some sport lazily, your head on his shoulder and his heart in your hands. Your eyes met his, and they all but softened as he watched you recognize that it was him. You were by his side in a second, holding him down by his shoulders as he tried to sit up. “Don’t do that, Marc, you’re still healing.”

The events hit him like a truck. Being hurt, the man, Steven telling him to call you, the attack, blacking out.

“How am I alive right now?” Was the only thing he could get out of his mouth as you sighed. “From what I know, Jake took over and called me. I managed to get you to the hospital because I didn’t think I’d be able to patch you up,” you sucked in a breath harshly, and Marc’s hand met yours with a squeeze of support, of sorry. “I was so scared, Marc. There was so much blood and even Jake was barely managing to get his words out–”

“Hey,” He winced, but still moved his hand to cup your jaw and grab your gaze. “I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere.”

You snorted. “Shoulda thought about that before you tried to walk home while bleeding out of your fucking abdomen.”

“I thought I could get home.”

“Yeah, good going on—“ you stopped abruptly, taking a deep breath and recentering your mindset. “I’m sorry, Marc. I’ve just been worried about you and everything that happened, and I couldn’t do anything about your wound and sitting in that waiting room— which felt like an asylum with how white it was— for what felt like years for the doctors to help you was the most anxiety inducing thing I’ve ever experienced. But it’s okay, you’re fine, I’m fine, everything is gonna be fine.”

Marc’s thumb brushed tenderly across your cheekbone to catch fallen tears, brows knit in worry. “You’re right, I’m here.”

“Please,” your voice was a whisper as you lent into his hand. “Please never do that to me again.”

“I won’t.”

“Please, I know it's hard to ask for help. I know real well from experience that it’s hard. But it’s worth it. It’s worth it not to watch you attached to whatever the fuck they put you on in the hospital, not to collapse onto the ground a block away in excruciating pain. Right?”

“Right.” Marc nodded.

“I love you.” You said those words as if you could lift any of his worries and insecurities and carry them into the sky above.

“I love you too.” His hand slid to cup the back of your neck, pulling you down to meet his smiling lips.

[hadassah4ever]

Warnings: Virginity loss, shameless breeding kink, corruption kink, age gap (I imagine reader as 18, so legal, but not moral.), very dub-con, Kai calls you a “little girl”, Kai being sexist as hell bc he’s Kai lol, idk if i’m missing any, plz forgive me 💀

Author’s note: A ‘porn with barely any plot’ fic I wrote in like an hour that I barely proofread, enjoy. 👍👍 (Kai is as nice as he can get in this.)

W.C.: 1.2k

18+

——

Nobody respected me in the cult. Whatsoever.

I felt it deep in my bones, I didn’t really know if it hurt me or if that’s what I should’ve expected joining a group based on murder, when even I knew I couldn’t bring myself to hurt someone. It was a miracle they even kept me around, and even I didn’t know why they did.

After another meeting, I felt Kai place his hand on my shoulder and mutter something in my ear about having a meeting in the basement, and all of a sudden, I knew it. He was either going to make a move on me, or kill me. Maybe both.

Eventually we ended up in the basement, the door closed and locked.

“I think you know why we’re down here, don’t you?” He asked, condescendingly.

“I’m not too sure what to think anymore, divine ruler.” I replied, trying to keep my tone steady to give an heir of confidence. He let out a short, menacing laugh. “Oh, you know why. You’re too docile to kill anyone, the only reason I’ve kept you here is because you are the one who will carry my child, my messiah. No debate.” My head spun a bit at his intimidating tone.

I silently nodded. There really was no debate, begging would do no use and there really was no leaving the cult, apart from in a body bag. “God you’re perfect. If I’d met you earlier you would’ve probably had a ring by now. I’ve always wanted a woman who submitted to men, like you.” He spoke through a smug smile, standing up and walking over to me, gazing down at me.

“Have you ever fucked a guy before?” He asked, even though he probably knew the answer to that question. I shook my head, looking up at him, “No, divine leader.” I softly muttered. As soon as those words fell from my lips he dove down to my level and began making out with me, his tongue sliding its way into my mouth, my inexperience showing itself to him.

Eventually we broke apart and he looked at me with a mundanely terrifying smile, which completely scared me. “Strip.” He commanded. I stood up and began to nervously undress which amused him completely. Amused might even be an understatement, he looked at my bare body with what could only be described as the complete embodiment of lust, my trembling shoulders enticing him.

He walked over to me slowly, unbuttoning his pants and pulling his underwear down to just under his balls, his cock springing free. “Lay down.” He spoke, his tone became more smug but softer in a way, as he knew I would follow his orders. And I did. I laid down, the cold floor startling me, making me shiver for a split second.

“I’m going to be nice to you, sweetheart. You’ve been so compliant, I’m going to start off slow.” He told me, sounding like he wanted to win an award for ‘Not The Meanest Cult Leader Ever’. “Thank you, divine leader.” I spoke, not trying to make him angry and lose out on the not-so-painful impregnation he was about to perform. “Such a sweet girl, Jesus.” He was kneeling over my body, knees right next to my neck, and he began to push his cock into my mouth, the odd, slightly unpleasant taste coating my mouth.

He slowly pushed it in until he reached my throat, I coughed around his dick, certainly feeding his ego. He began to speed up, him thrusting into my mouth and me trying to hold back gags and coughs, until he stopped, pulling out of my mouth. “I’m saving my cum for your pussy.” He chuckled, smugly. He stood up and kneeled by my closed legs, pushing his hands between them and pulling them apart.

“You have the prettiest pussy, I can’t wait to see it stuffed full.” His colourful speech slightly shocked me, but I laid there, almost catatonic. He was slightly displeased with my lack of thanking him, but pushed his fingers against my clit anyways, making small circles.

I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel good, my toes twitched, almost curling in repressed moans, the most noise I let out was small whimpers as he continued to play with my clit, he moved his face up to mine, placing another kiss on my lips. “You’re so adorable, I don’t know why I haven’t made you do this before.” He chuckled, one of his fingers entered me and I arched my back, squealing quietly.

He pumped his finger into me deeper and explored me, trying to find the spots that made me moan. “You’re so tight, I don’t know how I’ll even fit inside you.” He laughed, darkly. Before I could orgasm, he pulled his finger from my hole, I panted and just looked up at the ceiling. I felt his cock enter me, I gasped at the sensation of him stretching me out, and the new feeling of a cock inside of me. Even he had to pause for a second, but the break didn’t last long, as he began to slowly push his dick fully into me, making me squirm and let out slightly louder moans.

“My god I love corrupting little girls like you, I love feeling the stretch of virgin pussies, but fuck I’ve never felt a pussy strech as perfectly for me as yours has. You’re made for me, you little cock slut.” He spoke while grunts interrupted his dirty speech. My breaths were shallow and filled with pleasure as he pumped himself into me, continually getting faster and harder, his balls slapping against the skin of my ass.

He let out a low groan as he filled me up completely with his cock, he moved to push my thighs against my chest and my calves over his shoulders. “I can’t fucking wait to see your tits fill with milk and your stomach swell with my messiah.” He panted, slapping one of my breasts as he continued thrusting into me deeply.

His pace started getting unsteady and sloppy, in limbo between getting faster and getting slower. He started pounding into me, primal grunts filling the room. His fingers moved to my clit again, doing the same circles he was just doing moments ago. “Fuck… Cum with me, sweetheart. You’ve been so perfect.” He panted out.

I felt myself reach my peak, euphoria wracking me as I clenched my pussy around him, feeling him bury his cock fully inside me, unmoving as he filled me with a large load of cum, staying inside me to not let any leak out.

He looked down at me and smirked. “Don’t think we’re done just yet, dear.”

——

part 2 maybe… 👀👀

[genderkoolaid]

Hey. I saw your post calling out Armenophobia, (especially regarding recent developments in Artsakh), Anti-Assyrian bigotry and genocide denialism.

I personally think more countries and the media in general should be giving Azerbaijan no end of hell for their bullshit. I mean they’ve been doing it to Russia for their recent fuckery in Ukraine (putin’s latest blood soaked vanity project), so why shouldn’t they hold Azerbaijan accountable? I seriously think they should. Not saying anybody isn’t, but that it should be made much more visible. Same for Turkey’s fuckery in Syria with the Assyrians and Kurds. Sorry, went on a ramble. What I’m saying is I agree with you. Idk what else to say for now…I just set my account up the other day.

I’m not Armenian or Assyrian myself (I’m Irish (from the northern but still stuck under the British)), I just don’t like seeing smaller countries and unrepresented peoples and nations being bullied by larger rogue states is all. I’m sure you’ll agree.

Right?

Oh absolutely. I can't let myself think about how ignored Assyria and Armenia are for too long or I start getting really angry but god yeah. I see Kurdistan brought up on occasion, but virtually never hear about Armenia, Artsakh, or Assyria unless its Assyrians and Armenians talking about it. The only times you hear about it are when Western Christians are using them as puppets to justify their own insane victim complexes, as if indigenous Christians that have been subject to genocide and land theft are equivalent to white Christians living in predominantly Christian countries that appeal to Western Christianity constantly. There's also the fact that Rojava also has issues with poor treatment of Assyrians, but western leftists never talk about that when they do bring up Kurdistan.

Artsakh is going through hell and has been, Western Armenia is still under Turkey's control and people constantly refer to it as Turkey, Assyrians are being driven out of their indigenous lands through violence and poverty (and were also promised their own country by the British, which they were never given because of fucking course), and its never talked about by western leftists. The same goes for other marginalized groups in West Asia like Ezidis.

Like Azerbaijan literally set up a fucking wax museum to show off racist depictions of Armenians and encourage children to pretend to kill them, is literally starving Artsakh right now, not to mention all their acts of horrific violence. And yet you don't hear any sort of widespread outcry against Azerbaijan. Because I guess it wouldn't be beneficial enough for the US to make a big deal out of it.

Anyways time to plug some places you can donate to Assyrians, Armenians and Artsakh:

Assyrian Aid Society of America

Shlama Foundation

Armenia Fund

Armenian General Benevolent Union

The Artsakh Relocation Project

Post on different ways to donate to Artsakh + photos

Also: book pdfs on the Armenian Genocide, the Assyrian Policy Institute pdfs on the Assyrian Genocide, and the Greek Genocide Resource Center

[ellsss]

hey, I have a question! I’m also a Christian but I’ve been…questioning my sexuality lately. Could I ask, how do you deal with being Christian and lesbian?

HEYYYYY thanks for the question! i literally never get asks so this is niceeeeeeee.

tbh, it's incredibly hard. im kinda learning how to deal with it myself, so in true honesty, i don't really have a complete and full answer. as of right now, i'm trying to take care of my mental health as much as i can.

from Christians, I've kinda gotten used to seeing fucked up homophboia from them unfortunately, but it still makes it sad, although it's constantly hard to see. However what gets to me and hurts me the most is fellow LGBTQ+ people be angry at me or insult me for being Christian.

and while I understand it's a response to severe trauma, it hurts so much. someone literally said to me once "you shouldn't be part of a religion that gives people trauma, just something to think about", which is 1. passive aggressive and 2. genuinely unfair on me, because imagine saying that to someone of Jewish faith or Islam? I get that Christians have harmed millions of people for years and years. but having people tell me that i should abandon my religion hurts so much.

not to mention how people have compared being LGBTQ+ and Christian to being a n*zi which is a huge offensive comparison and a slap in the face to Jews who survived and died in the holocaust tbh.

it's incredibly hard because i feel like im constantly pulled in two directions and i'm being told to pick a side by people on Earth, even tho i feel in my soul that God genuinely loves me and LGBTQ+ people, and everyone. It's unfair.

How I deal with it as of right now is, while this sounds awful, I unfollow or block anyone who is ex-evangelical or ex christian. and it's not because i don't think their trauma is valid. it is 100% and they have every right to speak on what they experienced. it's just it makes me feel incredibly guilty for something that also feels like a genuine part of me.

and it's something i don't want to abandon or leave behind, because that would dismantle everything i have been through and everything God has helped me with up to this point. i just block or unfollow anything that makes me feel guilty and uncomfortable with my lesbianism, or my Christianity.

idk if this helps but i hope it does😭😭

[lemonthepotato]

Muffins Ennea ADDENDUM:

I wasn’t planning on making a follow-up to that post, but mama/dada’s got some ideas cooking. Mama? Dada? What’s the non-binary version of mama? Nvm, it would sound cringe. I think I’d rather misgender myself than call myself a ‘zaza’ lmao. 😭

Anyway, that post was kinda dogshit. I mean, I stand by a lot of what I said, but I also don’t. So, this is my full personality profile of the bakers!

So, let’s go over the conclusions I made last time:

Pinkie Pie: Enneagram 7w6 with a SP instinct.

Inkie Pie: Enneagram 8w7 with a SX instinct?

Minkie Pie: Enneagram 4w5 with a SO instinct.

Blinkie Pie: Enneagram 4wX with a SX instinct.

Apple Bloom: “IT GOT ERASED AGAIN. APPLE BLOOM SO3.”

Derpy: “DERPY SX7/IDK FUCKING SP6 IDC.”

Babs: “BABS IDFK SP5?? SO5?? FUCKING SP8 dawg I’m too angry to care.”

I don’t agree with all of these anymore, but I stand by the fact Minkie and Pinkie are probably enneagram 4 and 7. I’m not entirely sure of Minkie’s instinct.

In this post, I am going to be breaking down EVERY piece of EVERY characters typology. Maybe I’ll even go into the victims typology in the story? Prolly not.

Minkie Pie 🥧

MBTI: ISFP

After some consideration, I decided Minkie Pie is probably an INFP. And it seemed the consensus on PDB was much the same, which made me immediately reconsider. Just kidding. So, my reasoning is that she is an obvious Fi dom. There’s little question there. Genuinely not understanding how someone thought she was a Fe aux. But the question remains about Ne vs Se.

Minkie has a lot of creative, but practical ideas. And I wouldn’t say she has more ideas than she can execute, nor is she stuck ‘in her imagination.’ So, I can definitely see a Se argument. However, she dwells on the past a lot, which is why FiSi makes more sense than FiNi. In her LARS, I mean, Mad Madusings, she constantly compares her past to the present. She does this to prove some sort of overarching idea, which could be FiNi, but hmmm… her ability to “just know lies” is also very FiNi. I’m torn. Actually, I think I’m going to go with IXFP. She’s clearly a Xe aux. Kidding. INFP makes sense. But ISFP also makes sense especially when in her mad musings she always makes conclusions about people based on past experience to form some sort of archetype of person. Which is Ni…

Ni can look like Si, but Si is more routine based than Ni. I’m gonna go with ISFP for now.

Enneagram: 4w5 (so/sx/sp blind)

Enneagram so4w5 seems right, but I’m also open to sx4. Though, Minkie doesn’t particularly seem envious of others as like, an overarching trait. She just seems pissed at the world. I suppose that could be sx4. I’m a little torn.

Also holy shit, my Ne brain just realised The Game. Minkie’s life is like a video game, trying haurd to beat the stage.

Anyway, I don’t know tbh. Sx4 makes senseeee, but Sx4 is shameless. Minkie is not. Unhealthy so4, ig.

Tritype: 459.

Minkie is obviously a so4, but what about her tritype? Well, because I think she’s a 4w5, her head type is 5w6. Her gut type then, is probably 9w8. I don’t have much good reasoning.

Socionics: ESI

AHH. I hate socionics. I really do. Because I don’t understand it, so it’s bad. Jk. Uh, so, I don’t know. I’m going to go with uh ESI but I can also seen an argument for anything because idk lol.

Big Five: RLOEN.

I don’t like big5 much lol.

Psychosophy: No.

Okay, psychosophy is something I don’t understand.

Temperament: Melancholic.

Come on, it’s really obvious?

Classic Jungian: IF(S)

Pretty obvious.

Conclusion: ISFP IF(S) ESI RLOEN so4 w 5 459 melancholic [dominant].

Blinkie Pie 🥧

Blinkie SX4 is something I stand by. It makes the most sense for her character. She’s probably a sx4w3, as she’s focused on accomplishment and ‘authenticity.’ Her tritype is harder to crack down. She doesn’t seem like a very intellectually driven type, but she does value community ‘at least if we were all locked away, we’d have each other.’ Which is an argument for 6, however… I don’t know. Probably 468. Her MBTI… ah god. Okay, so, unlike that one Deviantart post, I am going to go out on a whim and say she’s probably not an ESTJ. Cognitively extroverted 4 is pretty weird. I’m completely unsure of her MBTI. She has values, but they’re influenced from her friends and father. But Fe anywhere in her stack is weird. ISTJ could work? In Inkie’s Stellar Obsession, she spends the whole time telling Inkie how ridiculous her idea is. Granted, it’s also because she doesn’t like Stella (Fi) but still. ISTJ 4 is uh… weird. So maybe ISFP? I know I’m switching stacks but ugh. I don’t know. Te-Fi is obvious. Si-Ne and Se-Ni I’m more confused about. Maybe Se? She’s very practical. ISFP is the best guess I can give. Then, that would be ESI again, right? She’s probably SCOEN. And yes, S makes sense because introvert =/= unsociable. And she’s not limbic, just because she’s mentally ill. She’s probably a choleric-melancholic?

Conclusion: ISFP IF(S) ESI RCOEN sx4 w 3 468 cholmel.

Inkie Pie 🥧

Enneagram: sx8w7

Inkie, a character I wasn’t sure about. I’m still not convinced she’s an 8. She could be a 9. But she doesn’t seem to struggle with self-inertia.

“Ah, Marblestone "Inkie" Pie... what a Sugarcube. Inkie is the second oldest of the four pie sisters, though she grew up as the oldest since Minkie had not been found yet. she is often very honest, but if you are not on her good side, her honesty is blunt and very insulting. she speaks in a firm, low voice, and is very confident. she seems very proud, holding her head up high and walking with a strut. she has heavy lidded eyes, and her smile can be quite intimidating and frightening, even when she tries to act casual. inkie is a natural born leader, and has been known to be the "protective" pony of the group, and makes a majority of decisions. sometimes she gets pissy when her decisions are shot down, but this never lasts long when it comes to her friends and sisters. Inkie has the ability to love as strong as her ability to hate. she often uses pet names toward her friends and sisters, such as "hunny," "sweety," "sweeatheart," "love," "dear," and many others. she'll address her sisters as "dear sister" when being reassuring toward them. since inkie and Blinkie are the sisters that have spent the most time together, they seem very in tune to each other, thinking along the same lines and coming to similar conclusions. I was originally going to give inkie pie hallucinations, but I decided against it. she's too in control of herself. [that’s not how hallucinations work but ok hunny]”

So, what we can learn from this is that Inkie is honest, blunt and confident. She’s proud, protective and a natural born leader. She makes the decisions for the group and doesn’t like her ideas being shut down, but she doesn’t care if it’s her sisters. Inkie has the ability to love just as much as she hates, which completely goes against the idea that she views other ponies aside from her sisters as toys and not something to love/hate but I digress.

In the actual story, Inkie displays these behaviours several times. This leads me to believe she could be an 8 or 9, but which?

Well, Inkie doesn’t value peace, come to think of it, so she’s likely an 8w9. I still say 8w9 > 8w7 because she’s much calmer than other wings. I view wings more as flavouring than having to match up 100%. So, I’m leaning 8w9. Actually, I think 8w7 makes more sense… she doesn’t have much 9 qualities.

So, what instinct? I still stand by sx/sp 8. So sx8 then.

Tritype: 874

We know her core type (gut) is 8, and I’d imagine she struggles the least with shame. So, we need to figure out her head type. She could be a 5, as she doesn’t seem to struggle with any of the anxiety 6’s do, but 7 is also likely. She’s an unconventional 7 if so, but still. She’s probably 874. But I can see 854. I should probably make my mind up though. Hmm… 874.

Besides, it doesn’t make much sense to have your wing not be your fix. It’s not impossible but me.

MBTI: ESFP

Okay, so, I’m going with Se-Ti here. You might be wondering why, but it’s actually very simple. When going into typing characters, I always assume they’re a sensor until proven otherwise. However, I don’t let myself get biased. I was sure Inkie would turn out to be an intuitive. However, re-reading, Inkie is actually very grounded in reality. She isn’t creative, more of a ‘technical thinker’ as she says and focuses on the present moment. She also makes decisions primarily based on what she wants, her own ‘values.’ Values don’t always have to be moral, and she’s a clear example of that. She values her sisters, but not other people, hence why she protects them but dismisses the other. I just can’t see Fe-Ti or Ne-Si.

Big five: SCUEN.

Might seem weird, but Inkie actually does tend towards the calm side of things. She goes into things with little plan when her sisters aren’t around, and egocentric is a no brainer. N is self explanatory; I is usually more of an experience seeker.

Temperament: Choleric-sanguine is the closest fit to her. You may argue phlegmatic but she does not try to serve others in the slightest lmao. She’s selfish.

Conclusion: ESFP sx8w7 874 SCUEN choleric.

Oh, fun fact, “yup! i like to think that there's something running in the family. pinkie is bipolar, inkie is scitzophrenic (sp?), and blinkie has bordeline personality disorder XD” Where do we get any idea of that in the story, through their behaviour? Nowhere.

Also, despite Inkie knowing her actions are wrong, and the others, Rei said this regarding Derpy: “she doesn't think it's wrong. none of them do. you gotta put yourself in the shoes of a sociopath; they each may have different reasons why they think the way they do, but when your brain works in this fashion, your view of the world is warped.”

Pinkie Pie:

Enneagram: sp7w8

Alright! Let’s go back to this! Reminder that I am ONLY talking about Muffins Pinkie Pie here, and not MLP Pinkie Pie, who is very different from Muffins Pinkie Pie. So, I don’t think my typing was wrong at all. But I’ve been considering 8 for Pinkie. However, I’m not sure if she’s 7w8 or 8w7. I think Pinkie starts off as a 7w8 but Reitanna randomly decides to make her a megalomaniac. So, it’s complicated.

8’s don’t like vulnerability, but Pinkie doesn’t care. In fact, she’ll use her vulnerability to manipulate Apple Bloom in Silence Is Silver. So, that rules 8 out.

That being said… well, we’ll cross tritype when we get there.

So, I stand by her being a sp7w8. You might think Pinkie is too pessimistic to be an 8, but she isn’t a pessimist. An edgelord, but not a pessimist. She only confronts her dark attitude in life when literally being sentenced to death.

Tritype: 782

I think Pinkie is a textbook 782, and I’ll explain why. I was inclined to say 728 but I think she struggles with shame the least. She is very aggressive in getting what she wants, but she also has a 2 fix because she views her baking as a give and take.

"You do not control lives, Pinkie Pie," Celestia growled lowly, feeling hatred toward the party pony. "And you have caused more sadness than you can even imagine..."

"Have I?" sneered Pinkie. "With all of the cupcakes and pastries I brought to parties? With all of the money I helped bring in when I started working at Sugarcube Corner so that the Cakes found financial stability? To the point where they were able to care for themselves and two brand new foals when they came along?" She suddenly stamped her hoof on the floor, making everypony jump once again. "I know for a fact that every single pony in this room consumed quite a large amount of my special pastries, including you, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna. And I can recall each and every one of your reactions after taking the first bite! You want to know what it was?" Her furious eyes scanned the room as she was met with no response. Then she chuckled lightly. "A smile."

She’s clearly just messing with Celestia, but there is some truth to what she is saying. She clearly views what she’s doing as “good” to a degree because other people like her gifts. 2’s struggle with pride, and because Pinkie thinks she’s helpful, she feels she is entitled to do what she wants. This is a light fix, but still there.

Pinkie Pie also has a need for her cupcakes to be THE BEST, leading me towards a 2w3 > 3w2 fix. Being the BEST isn’t her main goal, but it’s up there.

Oh, fun fact about Fluttershy by the way, Reitanna was considering making her a baker. As a FuckedUp!PinkieShy shipper (like in an AU where they’re both fucked up idk) I would’ve loved that.

“Yeah, your story makes more sense than mine, but I like the "what ifs" you can come with by reading stories like these. Could you imagine Fluttershy turning into a psycho with Pinkie, or getting super mad and taking revenge?” “I actually considered that, but just like you said, it seemed a bit OOC”

MBTI: ENFP.

Pinkie Pie is probably an ENFP. At first, I considered Se dom, however she is VERY opportunistic and has constant ideas. Who even gets an idea to bake someone because of a cheese grater? Poor writing, or a Ne character? Either way, I think Ne-Si makes more sense than Ni-Se. Pinkie actually does use Si to a degree. She gets enraged when Celestia takes her friends away (even if she did it herself. Hypocrisy!) and also has a very strict schedule on how she does things. Fi > Fe might seem very strange however Fi users can manipulate. Pinkie doesn’t care at all about societal standards. She only keeps up with them to avoid being caught for her crimes. Also, while she hides her depression, it’s mostly to protect herself rather than her sisters. In Twilight’s Fall, she has no problem being pessimistic to her friends and saying horrible stuff.

OCEAN: SLOEI.

Pretty self explanatory. I don’t think I need to explain this.

Temperament: Sanguine-choleric.

Conclusion: Sanguine-choleric sp7w8 782 ENFP SLOEI

Apple Bloom:

Oh Apple Bloom- she’s had it rough. Definitely a type. So, for her enneagram… I decided to look at Broken Tiara, as it’s the story I think characterises Apple Bloom the most, and Silence Is Silver. We learn from the former that Apple Bloom struggles with rage and wrath. She wants to cause other people pain because she’s suffered. Apple Bloom self-sabotages in the story, killing her very own big sister but using Pinkie Pie to fill the gap. She destroys her family, because they don’t matter anymore, Pinkie Pie does. She believes killing is her destiny.

Enneagram: sp6w7- explanation below

Reitanna says this about Apple Bloom, “Actually, no, it's nothing physical, it's a trauma model. Apple Bloom had already shown sociopathic traits by joining pinkie in the first place, but what people don't realize is, the actual act does a lot more to the mind than watching someone lose their life. First, with each incident she witnessed, stress and trauma were put on her brain little by little, meaning it was literally breaking her sanity. Once she did it herself, the power of this act traumatized her so severely, it finally broke her sanity. Since she is a child, the effects of this are much more detrimental than to an adult, due to the fact that the brain is still developing. The damage has caused her to develop one or two personality disorders, which is common in trauma models in children. Since she has been treated so kindly by pinkie pie, Apple Bloom's brain associates these acts as good things because she has been shown positive reinforcement by her mentor, therefore, she doesn't comprehend the fact that something bad has happened to her. She is under the assumption that THIS is who she really is because of pinkie's manipulation. This loss of reality makes her, by definition, insane.”

“I can't pinpoint exactly what she has because I would need to look at all of the personality disorders, but she's definitely not sane.”

Personally, I won’t theorise on what personality disorders Apple Bloom could have, as she is still a child, and children usually get diagnosed with conduct disorder rather than ASPD, so I don’t want to speculate too much.

Apple Bloom compartmentalises her empathy and true nature for her trauma and manipulated self. ("Nah," she chuckled, “That wasn't the real me. It never was. This is the real me, the other one was just tryin to keep me locked away.")

She has an obsession with destruction. She refers to wanting to destroy other ponies in Broken Tiara and says the exact same thing in Silence Is Silver when talking about Silver Spoon. She’s also power-driven, much like Pinkie Pie, and wrathful.

In ABGHCM (Apple Bloom Gets Her Cutie Mark) we see more of this behavior repeated. “I think this was all meant to happen. Everything happens for a reason, right? That's why I was the one who volunteered to take you when your number came up."

She justifies it all with it being her destiny. And getting her cutie mark (one of the worst utilising of this plot device ever) helps her solidify this. I sorta have a theory that Pinkie used dark magic or smth to give Apple Bloom that cutie mark to manipulate her further, but that would be silly. Perfect for Muffins, I can’t take a single thing in this story seriously.

I had to go back to the quiz to get more characterisation of Apple Bloom. If you want all the answers by the way, I’ll drop them right here:

Pinkie Answers:

"How are you today?" "Fine and dandy, right as candy!"

"When it comes to friendship, what do you think is most important?" "Support!My friends are my life! I'd be nothing without them!"

"If you found yourself in a very scary situation, how would you react?" "HA Me? Afraid? I fear nothing."

"What do you think of the world and the people in it?" "Oh, I LOVE everybody”

"If somepony attacks you, how do you respond?" "Oh, that was an attack? It felt like a bug bite.”

"What's your idea of a good time?" “EVERYBODY needs to be having a good time! Everybody that matters, of course!"

"How would you get revenge on those who hurt you?" "Life isn't about revenge, but every body else can do as they please!"

"How do you deal with sadness?" "I suppress the sadness by pretending it's not there."

"Do you think you might be crazy?" "No pony is entirely sane! I'm crazy in my own way!"

"When you do something bad, how do you feel?" "Oh, I NEVER do anything bad!" (Explicitly contradicted by her saying "we're bad people" in On Trial)

"What do you think of life?" "I love life! It's great!"

"How are your dreams?" "I have good dreams. If they turn bad, I just make them good again." (Contradicted in Sting.)

"How was your childhood?" "It was depressing until I was inspired to go my own way and find happiness."

"Someone just lied to you. How did you find out, and how do you respond?"

"I don't really care if they lied to me, l'm a pretty big liar myself."

"I see you have cupcakes. May I have one?" "Of course, take two if you'd like!"

"How do you perceive the mind?" "It's an amazing machine that can create wonderful things. Without it, we'd be boring."

"You know, I think you're an idiot." "Ha, yeah, sometimes I am."

"Last question... how is your sleep?" “I never want the day to end, so I stay up late until I pass out. My energy can keep me up for hours when it's time for bed, so I only get a few hours of sleep. It doesn't take a huge toll on me, though."

Minkie Answers:

"First of all, how are you doing today?" "Same as every day.”

"When it comes to friendship, what do you feel is most important?" "Love. The love shared among friends is the true key to happiness."

"If you found yourself in a very scary situation, how would you react?" "I hardly fear things. Whatever it is, I'll make it more afraid of me."

"What do you think of the world, other than yourself and those close to you?" "Scum. Trash.”

"If somepony attacks you, how do you respond?" “They know better than to attack me. So they wouldn't."

"What's your idea of a good time?" "If my friends are smiling and laughing, then I'm having the time of my life!"

"How would you get revenge on those who hurt you?" "I need to make sure they feel ALL of my pain."

"How do you deal with sadness?" "I'm honestly not very good at fighting it.”

"Do you think you may be crazy?" “I know I'm ill, but l'm not crazy. Crazy ponies aren't aware of their actions."

"When you do something bad, how do you feel?" "I only feel guilty if I did it to somepony I love, otherwise I feel nothing."

"What do you think of life?" "Life? What life?"

"How are your dreams?" "Mostly nightmares about traumatic events in my past. They wake me up frequently."

"How was your childhood?" "I was hurt and neglected for a long time. It has broken me, but I find things to make me feel better."

"Somepony just lied to you. How do you find out, and what do you do?" "They lied to my face. I can tell if somepony is lying immediately to me, and I make sure they stop.”

"I see you have cupcakes. Can I have one?" "Yes, but just one, okay?"

"How do you perceive the mind?" "Sometimes it's not so good to us. It can make us think things we don't want to think."

"You know what? I think you're an idiot.” “…”

"Last question, how is your sleep?" "Well, since I have trouble sleeping, I'll do whatever anypony else is doing if THEY are still up. Otherwise I lay in bed, hoping sleep will take me. This makes me sleepy during the day. When I DO sleep, my nightmares will wake me back up.”

Blinkie answers:

"First off, how are you doing today?" "What's it to YOU?"

"When it comes to friendship, what do you feel is most important?" "Honesty. I think it's important to stay honest with your friends."

"If you found yourself in a very scary situation, how would you react?" "If I’M not the cause of it, how scary can it be?"

"What do you think of the rest of the world, other than yourself and those around you?" "Ha! The world is full of ponies too DUMB to see the blatant truth in front of their eyes."

"If someone attacks you, how do you respond?” “Are you serious?”

"What's your idea of a good time?" “I need to be in control of the activity, or I'm not happy." (Well we can rule out A > E in OCEAN)

"How would you get revenge on those who hurt you?" "I will let them feel all the power of my rage.”

"How do you deal with sadness?" "With anger. Turn sadness to anger. It's the only way to cope." (Real, relatable)

"Do you think you might be crazy?" "Why would you ask that? Are you implying something?!"

"When you do something bad, how do you feel?" "I don't care. I MEANT to do it.”

"What do you think of life?" "Life is only as good as what I make it."

"How are your dreams?" "My dreams are however I want them to be. I can lucid dream." (Contradicted in Sting)

"How was your childhood?" "My family never supported anything I did, and I hated them for it. I was disciplined often."

"Someone just lied to you. How do you figure it out?" "Doesn't matter how I find out. I'll… make sure they regret it."

"I see you have a cupcake, may I have one?" "If you really wanted one, you'd go get it yourself.”

"How do you perceive the mind?" "It's the thing that creates ideas, good and bad. You don't have to do what it says."

"You know what? I think you're an idiot.” "[navy seals copypasta]”

"Last question, how is your sleep?" "I feel uncomfortable if everyone is asleep and I'm not. I might purposefully keep somepony awake if l'm not tired."

Inkie Answers:

"First off, how are you doing?" "If I get my way, I'm good any day."

"When it comes to friendship, what do you think is most important?" "Loyalty. I always protect those who are dear to me."

"If you found yourself in a scary situation, how'd you react?" "I don't scare easily. I'm decently calm."

"What do you think of the rest of the world, other than yourself and those close to you?" "Do you REALLY consider them individuals? Pfft."

"If someone decides to attacks you, how do you respond?” "Anyone dumb enough to try and attack me will regret it.”

"What's your idea of a good time?" "Everything needs to be to MY liking."

"How would you get revenge on those who hurt you?" "To them, it'll seem like it didn't affect me. But when they least expect it, I will go to extremes to make them pay."

"How do you deal with sadness?" "Well, I rarely feel sad at all, but when I do, it's not pretty."

"Do you think you might be crazy?" "Some people may consider my behaviour crazy, but if in my right mind, is it really so?"

"When you do something bad, how do you feel?” "If everything that happens happens, can we really do anything wrong?"

"What do you think of life?” "I don't hate life, I hate the concept of it. It's wasted on those who don't appreciate it.”

"How are your dreams?" "I prefer the bad dreams because they give me cool ideas. They're more frequent than the good dreams."

"How was your childhood?" "My family put a lot of pressure on me. The affects stay with me to this day."

"Somepony just lied to you. How did you find out, and how do you respond?" "If I have a gut feeling I'm being lied to, l'll try and force the truth out of them."

"I see you have a cupcake or two. May I have one? "I'll think about it... how about you try and impress me for it?"

"How do you perceive the mind?" "The mind is whatever you make it."

"You know, I think you're an idiot." "Hmph. Likewise."

"Last question, how is your sleep?" "I like to settle down and chill, enjoying the company of anypony else who is still up. I'll easily go to sleep when they do. I have a bad habit of waking too early, which makes me sort of groggy, but l'm fine."

Apple-Bloom Answers:

"How is your day?” "I'm cautious, but I know I'II be fine!"

"When it comes to friendship, what do you think is most important?" "Dedication! I think friends should remain loyal and true."

"If you find yourself in a scary situation, how would you react?" "Sometimes the fear DOES strike me, but responding with courage is a true sign of character." (Sx6? Sp6 with a sx second instinct and so blind?)

"What do you think of the world, other than yourself and those close to you?" "Pathetic, absolutely pathetic. In fact it's REALLY funny."

"If somepony attacks you, how do you respond?" "I may be small, but i'm tough. Don't underestimate how badly I can kick their butt."

"What's your idea of fun?" "If I can let loose completely, it's a party!”

"How would you get revenge on those who've hurt you?" "They hurt me, so I want them to hurt 10x more."

"How do you deal with sadness?" “I have to cry it out, but I don't want anypony to see me doing it."

"Do you think you might be crazy?" "Of course not! I am who I am! Everypony else is crazy!"

"When you do something bad, how do you feel?" "Sometimes I feel a twinge of guilt, but if I ignore it, it goes away."

"What do you think of your life?" "When I was young, everything seemed so dandy... When did it start feeling so terrible?" (I know she’s had a terrible childhood but girl- WHEN?)

"How are your dreams?" "Sometimes my dreams are pretty bad, and they stem from bad memories or feelings."

"How was your childhood?" "I was raised well by my family, but I chose my own path, one they didn't approve of."

"Somepony just lied to you, how do you find out?" "They lied to me? I'll lie right back, in that way it'll be my revenge."

"I see you have a cupcake, may I have one?” "Why not? I have them, so l'll share them!"

"How do you perceive the mind?" "It's fragile. If it breaks, it's unlikely to be fixed."

"You know, I think you're an idiot” "I'll remember that next time I consider doing something nice for you."

"Last question, how is your sleep?" "I spent all day having fun, so I feel exhausted toward the end of the night. I try to stay up with my friends, but end up falling asleep at some point or another. Sometimes my bad dreams wake me up in the middle of the night, but I can fall asleep soon after."

BabsSeed Answr:

"First off, how are you doing today?" "I can't complain, really!"

"When it comes to friendship, what do you feel is most important?" "Giving back. When a friend helps you when things are bad, it's important to pay it forward."

"If you found yourself in a very scary situation, how would you react?" "Fight or flight? Ha, my first instinct is to fight.” (Counter6)

"What do you think of the world aside from your friends?" “They are weak fools who can't think for themselves."

"If someone attacks, what do you do?" "No one gets away with attacking me."

"What's your idea of a good time?" "If my friends and I don't have to hold anything back, it's a PARTY, PARTY PARTY"

"How would you get revenge on those who hurt you?" "Hahaha... let's say... no one gets away with hurting me."

"How do you deal with sadness?" "…have to distract myself.”

"Do you think you might be crazy?" "I am perfectly sane! I know exactly what I'm doing.”

"When you do something bad, how do you feel?" "Well, no pony knows l'm the one that did it. It's only wrong if I get caught." (Reitanna stop making TOOL references every two seconds challenge: IMPOSSIBLE)

"What do you think of life?" "Life was really unfair to me. But it's just a game, right? Now I'm the one winning."

"How are your dreams?" "My dreams are usually pretty nice. Sometimes I get bad ones, though that don't bother me."

"How was your childhood?" "| experienced heavy losses so young in life, as well as suffered from violent bullying. I was depressed until a dear friend helped me get back up."

"Somepony just lied to you. How do you figure that?" "I'll find out on my own. I'm smart, so I know. I’ll play along with them until I get the chance.”

"I see you have a cupcake. Can I have one?" "Depends... what have you done for me lately?"

"How do you perceive the mind?" "The mind is sacred. It should be fed knowledge, it should be soothed with meditation." (5 fix?)

"You know, I think you're an idiot." "Oh yeah? Well [a yo-mama-fat type insult, literally]”

Last question... how is your sleepis?" "Well, I make full use of the evening until I start to feel tired. Then I listen to music as I fall asleep. I keep it on low volume, and on repeat, so I hear my favourite songs in my dreams."

Our Muffins Blorbo 🫧:

"First off, how are you feeling today?" “I am so, SO happy today.”

"When it comes to friendship, what do you think is most important?" "Happiness! If my friends are happy, I am too!" (Fe > Fi?)

"You find yourself in a scary place and situation, how do you react?" "Sometimes I give into fear and run, it depends on HOW scary it is."

"What do you think of the rest of the world, other than yourself and those close to you?” "Oh! Everyone is great, there are a few bad ones though."

"If somepony attacks you, how do you respond?” "Why would they do that?! I haven't done anything wrong! have a right to defend myself!” (Hypocrite)

"What's your idea of a good time?" "Surrounded by all my friends no matter what!”

"How would you get revenge on those who hurt you?" "I'm tired of getting harmed. My revenge is going on anyone get my hooves on."

"How do you deal with sadness?" "I have to cry. If you cry, you feel better afterwards."

"Do you think you might be crazy?" "I'm not crazy, my reality is different than yours!"

"When you do something bad, how do you feel?" "My GOOD actions make up for my bad ones."

"What do you think of life?" "I feel betrayed by life. No pony exists on purpose. But I find reasons to smile!"

"How are your dreams?" "Usually my dreams are so real, I mistake them for reality. They can be good or bad."

"How was your childhood?" "I thought everything was good, but then I got abandoned and had to find my own way."

"Somepony just lied to you. What do you do?” "I am told by a friend and feel hurt by a liar, and tell them to never talk to me again."

"I see you have a cupcake, can I have one?" "I'll give you more than one! You can have half, and l'll have half, that way it's even."

"How do you perceive the mind?" "Sometimes you see things differently from others because your brain is programmed differently." (And rei says she isn't autistic coded...)

“You know what? You’re an idiot.” “I am NOT an idiot.” (10/10 defence.)

"Last question, how is your sleep?” ur sl "I try to stay up with my friends, but end up falling asleep first. just get really tired if it's been a long day, and sometimes I'II also take naps. I DO feel refreshed while I'm awake, though."

RUN:

"First off, how are you doing today?" "Things are great!"

"When it comes to friendship, what do you think is most important?" "Connection. I just love my friends so much, I don't know what I'd do if I lost them."

"If you found yourself in a very scary situation, what is your reaction?" "I tend to flee."

"What do you think about the rest of the world other than yourself?" "Some are good, some are bad, that's just the way it is."

"If somepony attacks you, how do you respond?" "I would ask them why they attacked me!"

"What's your idea of a good time?" “I like to party with my friends, but I also like to make new ones."

"How do you get revenge on those who hurt you?" "Revenge never solves anything."

"How do you deal with sadness?" "I just try to think positively, even when crying."

"Do you think you are crazy?" "Well, what do you mean by crazy? 'Crazy' as in eccentric, 'crazy' as in insane? I need some more context!" (Reitanna hates rational people who ask questions.)

"When you do something bad, do you feel bad?" "I feel guilty, and that guilt doesn't go away until I confess."

"What do you think of life?" "Life is good. I wake up every morning and I just feel so good!"

"How are your dreams?" “They can be good, they can be bad. It just depends on what my brain is dealing with at the time."

"How was your childhood?" “There were good times and bad. My experiences made me who I am."

"Somepony just lied to you. How did you find out, and how do you respond?" "Why would somepony lie to me? No, there must be some mistake. People don't just... LIE... do they?!" (Yeah no one thinks this...)

"Can I have a cupcake?" "I'm not gonna finish them all on my own, silly!'"

"How do you perceive the mind?" "Your mind is like a sanctuary; it tells you what is right and what is wrong."

"You know what, I think you're a fucking idiot." "That's not very nice. How can you say something like that so easily?"

"Last question, how is your sleep?" "I like to iust settle down and read or something else calming) until I'm tired enough to sleep. I don't have any troubles falling asleep at all."

Anyway, let’s look at Apple Bloom’s answers. She’s optimistic (believing everything will be okay), loyal, “brave,” condescending, anger driven and spiteful. Things we already knew. Her enneagram being 1 is unlikely, unless she’s a very unhealthy one. 2 isn’t impossible, but she doesn’t seem very heart triad, you know? Probably not a 5. 6, 7, 8 and 9 are on the table. I think 6 is the most likely, and we can rule out 8 and 9. She’s probably a sp6w7.

“Preservation Sixes want to feel the embrace of the family, to be in a warm, protected place where there are no enemies. They search for an "idealized other" for protection, and they can have issues that look like separation anxiety. Like a child who needs to hold on to the mother, these Sixes don't feel confident in defending their own self-interests and survival.”

“These Sixes seek to escape anxiety by seeking the security of protection; therefore, they become dependent on others. They have a passion for compensating for the fear of separation, which manifests as warm and friendly temperament. Their driving need is therefore for something like (neurotic) friendship or warmth, which makes this subtype the warmest of these Sixes. They tend to be in a good mood and have a generally pleasant disposition. They look for a bond of intimacy and trust in their relationships, and they fear disappointing others, especially those who are closest to them. Being warm is their way of getting people to be friendly so they won't be attacked.”

However, due to her sx instinct being second, I think she still has some sx 6 traits. Also,

She doesn’t seem to hide her anger. In fact, she actively goes against Pinkie, but that’s when she’s REALLY pissed off towards Diamond Tiara, not her usual mode. In fact, she seems scared of Pinkie otherwise.

Could be sp7, but I doubt it.

Tritype: 638

Okay, figuring out her tritype was HELL, but I think I’ve got it down. So, her heart type was the hardest to find, but I think she’s a 3 fix. Why? Because she’s obsessed with getting her cutie mark, as a means of protection (6 core) from her bullies. As for her gut type, I think we can rule out 1, as she doesn’t really care about morality, and 9, because she isn’t conflict-avoiding.

MBTI: ISTP

So, probably a Fe-Ti user, but I can see her Ti being higher than Fe. As for her other functions, I think… Se-Ni? Maybe Ti-Se-Fe-Ni… but that doesn’t FEEL right. That’s ISTP, right? Um…

She uses Ni in ABGHCM when she predicts Applejack will need stronger restraints, and she has very Ni attitudes in life (“this was meant to happen.”

Ni-Fe? INFJ? Unlikely. Her Fe isn’t THAT strong. Tert Fe seems right. ESTP? But E6 is cognitively introverted. She uses a LOT of Ni.

Actually, I can see Fi-Ni for Apple Bloom, but maybe Inferior Fi? No… Tert Fi? What “values” does she have though? Literally none.

ISTP? She’s kinda manipulative, but inferior Fe users still have Fe in their stack. I mean she literally taunts Applejack by saying “One last bit of sisterly bonding, right?”

And she HAS gone against group values before… I don’t know. I can’t guess very well, but ISTP is the closest I can guess.

SLOAN: SLUEN

Temperament. Sanguine-choleric. [angry sanguine <:()

Conclusion: sp6w7 638 ISTP SLUEN Sanguine-choleric.

Derpy Hooves:

Enneagram: sp7w6

Derpy!! Our blorbo!! We only have Derpy and Babs left, so let’s start with our autistic little blorbo. So, Derpy was abandoned from a young age, and had no friends. Stumbling across Pinkie’s hobby sort of gave her a connection, or someone to rely on. Sp7 is my first thought, to be honest. Not a 1, 2, 3 and probably not a core 4. We can rule out 5, and 6 is unlikely. Same with 8 or 9. In fact, I’m pretty confident she is a 7. I don’t know her instinct though. Reitanna once said on Twitter Derpy struggles with Gluttony, so…

Probably sp/sx 7w6 (still wary) 741.

Okay, so, I probably have to justify that 1 fix. Derpy is very cautious of making a mistake, so the point where she cries because of it. She’s also under the impression that what she’s doing is morally justified to a degree, “what’s bad for you is good for us,” though that could just be selfishness. Her 1 fix is very light, but I feel like she hates the way she was treated and hates how cruel the world is, despite the fact she is a hypocrite.

MBTI: ESFJ

Fe is not impossible, but idk if it’s her dominant function, really so. I think she’s an XSFJ, probably ESFJ. And the reasoning is that she’s very empathetic, albeit selectively, and she values her friends happiness over her own. She doesn’t like change very much, like when Pinkie got taken away, and that’s how anyone would react, but she does seem to like feeling safe and structured. She had an adventurous side though (Tert Neh) and uses VERY flawed logic to justify her actions using her inf logic.

SLOAN: SLUAN.

She’s just a little borbcy.

Temperament: sanguine-phlegmatic.

Conclusion: ESFJ sp7w6 741 SLUAN sanguine-phlegmatic.

Babs Seed’s Typing:

Enneagram: sx6

Ah yes, the best Muffins character. Well, according to Reitanna and only Reitanna, no one else likes her. Anyway, let’s rule out the obvious. She’s probably not a 1, 2, 3 or 4. 4 fix is possible. 7 and 9 is also less likely. 5, 6 and 8 are the main contenders. We can rule out sp6 and so6. I don’t think she’s an 8, as she doesn’t seem to care about control, but protecting herself. So, now we’re torn between 5 and 6. I’m leaning 5? She could also be a 9. No, I think she’s a 5. She’s very obsessed with mindfulness, taming the mind and… she’s also too confident to be a 5. I know, fallacy. But I don’t really understand fives. You’re like aliens.

I don’t think she’s a 5. Probably a 6w7, actually. Sx/sp6.

Tritype: 684

Probably a 8 and 4 fix. Like, she definitely has 4 traits. She gets jealous of ducks. DUCKS. She insists on fighting her OWN battles, and boy does she fight. She has some so8 traits but uh, killing Fluttershy isn’t exactly “protecting the weak.” She thinks homiending is “strong.”

MBTI:

Ahhh… ugh. Okay, so, Fi inferior isn’t impossible, but Ti > Te makes sense. So, maybe Fe tert? ESTP? Se-Ni is obvious. ESTP is my best guess.

SLOAN: SCOEN.

Temperament: choleric-sanguine.

Conclusion: choleric-sanguine ESTP sx6w7 684 SCOEN.

And that’s it! That’s my analysis of the bakers! I don’t plan on making any changes, and I probably WILL change my mind many times. I could go into other characters, but the point is, the writing in Muffins isn’t the best, so that’s unlikely. Chances are, I’ll leave this post here and yeah.

Edit: When I made this post, my understanding of enneagram wasn’t perfect, and my understanding of socionics was worse. If you want to know my updated thoughts, I might make a post about it, but I’ve already made two posts about this at this point. Would you guys like a part three?

[rachelcommitscrimes]

im gonna rant abt how much i hate the ghost eyes fandom (as a former fan) bc im just kinda mad rn

so uhh yeah major TW for s3lf h4rm, romanticizing mental illness, su1c1de, sadomasochism, infantilization, and rlly just anything related to that

(also sorry if this looks weird idk how to separate stuff on tumblr)

also DO NOT harass the creator or anyone mentioned here, you’re no better than them if you do that

——————————————————————————

ok so i read ghost eyes like 2 years ago but i stopped reading about the point where they were on that field trip. i still think it’s a nice comic and i’m sure the author is a cool person, also the art style is awesome. but the fandom is so fucking gross that i’m surprised more people haven’t talked about it. 

for some backstory on this, i used have REALLY bad depression and was cutting myself regularly (i’m much better now, i have medication, therapy, and i’m almost a year clean) i also stopped reading due to the comic severely damaging my mental health and i’m very glad i did. i was younger and immature and thought i could handle such content. this led to me becoming extremely obsessed with the comic to an unhealthy level, and getting severely attached to one of the characters (rudy) because i could relate to him at that time. i seriously thought that i WAS him sometimes.

i understand now that i should NOT have ignored the label and what i did was definitely wrong and if the creator is reading this i deeply apologize. i’m in a much better place now and i’m just glad that i was able to get the help i needed.

ok now to the angry part

if you don’t know what ghost eyes is, it’s a webcomic about a severely traumatized boy attending school for the first time and meeting a bunch of other severely traumatized kids. this comic has a crap ton of triggering/sensitive/disturbing topics (which is not a bad thing as long as you do it right) and like i said before, the creator has kindly put a warning before the comic starts stating that you SHOULD NOT romanticize/idolize/sexualize/kin any of the characters, do not read unless you can handle such topics, and so forth. now i know i should have definitely put the comic down before and not gotten obsessed over it, but i knew damn well enough that it was messed up to romanticize/sexualize any of the characters/things that happened in the book.

there are several scenes in which a character is self harming or harming someone else, and the comments will say shit like “nooo my poor bean” “awww baby don’t do that” or my personal favorite “protect the smol bean.” first of all, the characters are like 16-17, second of all, i cannot even tell you how fucked up it is that people see someone ruining their lives and putting themselves in danger and think it’s “cute” or “anxiety smol bean uwu” THERES LITERALLY A SCENE WHERE SOMEONE IS GETTING STABBED AND PPL ARE DRAWING THIS MF IN A MAID DRESS.

another reason i despise these fans is that they see an abusive relationship and start making ships/kinning them. as someone who has gone through pretty much everything rudy has gone through, i cant tell you how irritating it is to see people shipping him with his abuser or calling him a “cutie patootie masochist boi uwu” cause lemme tell you what-it doesnt feel good to have to put your health in danger and ruin your relationships with others just so you can get off somehow. ITS NOT FUN. the whole point of rudy’s character is to not romanticize someones fucked up mental health.

i could spend hours talking about this group of immature brats, but i’m tired and it’s a school night and i have a test tomorrow. i might add on if i feel like i need to but overall i really hope those immature fans grow up and realize their mistakes like i did, or get the help they need.

[hoonvrs]

hi saint! about that one anon ask

this just shows we should stop calling them idols and use artists instead

because they’re not, they’re human beings who make mistakes and in the best scenarios own up to them and don’t do them again

and while i, as an ultimate pacifist, wouldn’t really use insults as a solution, i truly understand why they are used, because it is very much disappointing to see anybody, knowingly or not, support the genocide that is happening in gaza, not even just disappointed but angry and sad, since innocent lives are taken by the money they spent either to sip on their frappuccino or eat their big macs

this whole thing with jake would be much better if those who decided to throw insults as well as those who bashed them for so would just use the situation to idk spread even more awareness?? and share some ways to actually help?? as much as boycotting is important sending, for example, humanitarian help is i think a little bit more urgent

still, i hope his apology will somehow change something, after all, it’s the first time anybody in kpop actually apologised and didn’t just wait for their company to do something or simply delete the post, that's an improvement

tbh when i thought about it i was kinda impressed since they can’t really engage in anything that is even slightly political or controversial so him saying sorry is somewhat of a statement, which is sad but we all know what the kpop industry is (one big piece of shit ❤️)

it’s sad what happened under op’s post, truly shows what views and morals some engenes have

damn that’s long hope everything makes sense :’)

hi joojoo

calling them artists instead is totally valid but would be hard since they themselves call themselves idols so it’s basically become their occupation name

don’t get me wrong i am completely against war and violence but i am also with it when it comes down to you can’t do anything but use violence because it’s the only way people will listen to you.

the people have every right to be angry and express that anger because this isn’t a little situation and it’s more shocking to not know what’s going on instead of knowing. also let’s not forget the person called jake stupid for doing something stupid, they weren’t being aggressive or bashing him they literally called it for what it is

now if they said something outta pocket i’d be like okay fairs that’s too far but trust me nobody will sob and cry over being called stupid or an idiot especially not a 21 year old grown ass man

these people have been using their accounts nonstop AND STILL ARE to spread awareness but just because they COULD use this opportunity to spread more awareness doesn’t mean we completely invalidate their hurt and anger. are we also forgetting this is done online?? it’s literally twitter where i’ve seen worse shit then someone calling their fave an idiot like when did people become so sensitive and defensive over a man who doesn’t even know your first name

icl i was genuinely surprised myself at how quick he responded esp under a post where gaza and genocide where explicitly mentioned so there was no room for that and kudos to him and i also get that it’s such a big step up and improvement in that fuck ass industry but i’m not about to praise someone to the ends of the earth for being a decent human and not supporting the death of innocent civilians

i really hope he does learn and educate himself because it’s no one’s responsibility but his own and hopefully prepress more carefully with what he indulged in and what he shows to his viewers

[swiftfootedachilles]

Hi! You asked for an ask and I’m always down to ask so…do you have any headcanons about Mickey’s time in Mexico?

wow you managed to ask me about the only thing of this show that i HAVENT rlly thought about so hats off to you

uhhhh okay first, PRE-MEXICO. i think mickey broke out in the first place because he knew ian wasnt gonna wait for him. i think if ian didnt break up with him and dedicated himself to being a prison boyfriend (?) mickey wouldve stayed in. (i also think he wouldve found a skeevy defense lawyer who owes the milkoviches some debts and appealed his conviction bc lets be honest its total bullshit that he got locked away just based off sammi's unreliable testimony. like where the fuck was debby to lie under oath and say mickey was with her the whole time and she saw sammi take more pills than usual and go outside to move things. sorry im losing the plot this is NOT the time to discuss my s6 rewrite.) mikey haf absolutely no reason to stay in prison, stay in chicago, so i think after nearly 2 years of no visits from ian he just gave the fuck up. why not try to escape? hes smart, he can conjure up a decent plan, right? worst case scenario he goes back to prison, which didnt really fucking matter to him bc he was in prison anyway and he just. didnt care anymore.

so, he broke out and contacted ian ina last-ditch effort to get the love of his life back. he knew ian wasnt gonna wait for him, but at the docks hes obviously still shocked to hear ian moved on fast enough to have a boyfriend already. then ian agreed to go to mexico and mickey was SO READY to start LIVING HIS LIFE. he thought that would be IT. him and his lover in mexico at the beach, getting away from all the bad memories of chicago and having a place to START OVER!!! then ian changed his mind last minute and mickey was fucking CRUSHED. AGAIN. and all of a sudden now hes in mexico alone and all his previous plans went out the fucking window because he totally didnt spend the past few days rearranging his plans to revolve around ian being with him.

i dont really think a lot about mickey's time in mexico. i think he was sad. i think he was angry. i think he just did what he could to stay alive and try to move on but he never really didnt. i think he kept his head low and did his job in the cartel and tried to learn spanish but it was too fucking hard so he gave up on that pretty quickly and attached himself to the multilingual members of the gang. i definitely dont think he had a boyfriend. im sure he fucked around with other guys, but i also think he spent more time laying in his shitty apartment that he shared with like 4 other guys trying not to cry too loud thinking about what could have been.

i also dont think he worked for el chapo lmfao sorry to anyone who thinks that but the timeline doesnt even line up. and if he somehow did have a part in taking down el chapo he wouldve been put in witness protection. he probably wouldve gotten killed anyway tho

my dumb ass didnt realize he got a new tattoo until like deep into s10 and i gaslit myself into thinking it was always there LMFAO but i love that he got another tattoo there. i like to think this one was with a clean needle. i dont think this happened in canon, but MY mickey wouldve gotten a tongue piercing! perhaps other ones too. a couple other tattoos, a cartilage piercing, an eyebrow, his nipples. idk. just to change his appearance more. yeah. thats. the only reason.

anyway i think he got back into the US by working with an undercover cop and being a part of a pre-planned drug bust that included him being "arrested" and making it seem like he got extradited to the US only for being wanted. if he wouldve just waltzed into a precinct and said "hey i got dirt on this cartel" his as wouldve been killed so quickly. it needed to be a lot more covert so the other members didnt catch on and get rid of him. i do think eventually they probably figured out he was the anonymous witness whose interviewed were used in trial, which is why when he gets released in s10 the CO tells him the cartel is looking for him. sorry im going all Law & Order here talking about a s6 trial and now a trial against the cartel i need to stop

[nickfowlerrr]

working on it

main masterlist

this is a list of all my wips (including requests) so we can all be on the same page in regards to what i have coming up 🖤

*these aren’t in any particular order - as you guys know, i write what i have inspiration to write and not in order of when requests were received or series were updated.* if you don't see your request on here, and did not get a response from me letting you know i'd be unable to write it, then i didn't receive it. feel free to send it in again if you'd like.

i saw @sweetpeapod’s “to do list” and it’s such a great idea i literally never would’ve thought to make one myself so all credit to her for this! 🥰

updated: 06/06/23

legend: actively writing • on hold/writer’s block • haven’t started

series

bucky barnes:

if i could - chapter five

keeping secrets - chapter seven

stucky:

trust me - chapter two

drabbles, one shots or continuations (not series)

andy barber:

waiting - pt 2

dark!professor andy

bucky barnes:

soft!dark bucky - basement wife

dark!brat tamer bucky

you can’t - pt 2

dark!ex bucky - pregnant reader (might not end up dark lolll)

when a stranger calls bucky

yandere mechanic bucky

“enemies” to lovers bucky

iou - pt 2…possible miniseries

enemies to lovers - one bed trope

die happy - chubby!reader

first time for everything - drabble

call it what you want to - pt 2

mean!bucky one shot

duke!bucky x duchess!reader (soft!dark?)

pro wrestler!bucky

charles blackwood:

dark!charles halloween fic

lee bodecker:

dark!lee - traveling!reader

dark!lee - salem witch trial

lloyd hansen:

-

ransom drysdale:

delivery - one shot

mean!ransom one shot

nick fowler:

dark!nick - daddy’s dead - one shot

steve kemp:

-

steve rogers:

mean!steve one shot

stucky:

dark! road trip fic (two stories in one/choose your own adventure)

royalty au

fumbling - drabble

fawn - pt 2

requests

humble request to the queen of my lil dark heart for your sluttiest a/b/o with your man of choice inspired by ‘hurt you’ by the weeknd 🖤

bucky barnes:

request/imagine: mafia bucky x reader where bucky is very obviously obsessed/infatuated with the reader and just wants her to be his but she plays hard to get (for some time) and starts hanging out with other men so he gets jealous and punishes her (smut if you want with degradation/humiliation kink idk💀) very new to tumblr so idk if im doing this right or not. thank you! 💘

Dearie write some angry seggs with Bucky barnes

Scenario 5 10 17 22 please & Dialogue prompts 32 and 38 please with bucky 😭 he’s a total grinch throughout but seeing the reader happy makes him happy and I love the grumpy x sunshine trope🤤😮‍💨

Hey yo! I'm not sure if you're still accepting Christmas prompts or anything (I've absolutely loved reading them) But I've been listening to this song on repeat and idk, I can just imagine the reader singing it to Buck on their first christmas together, and him falling even more in love with them. Anywho, happy holidays, can't wait to read anything and everything you bless us all with 🥰❤️🎄

What would have happened in a AU version of your dark biker Bucky finding his soulmate finally…and also meeting her husband?

What if the reader had a really toxic husband who wouldn’t let her go or let their divorce proceed unless she cheated on him? Only the man she picks for her affair, Bucky Barnes, is WAY worse than her husband and she doesn’t realize until it’s too late? (No idea though if this is like a mobster Bucky or Winter Solider or some other profession)

a bucky fic of any length based on this text exchange with my husband (who’s deployed) ((i’m the red bubble lol)) 🥹 you work is magic so i trust however you wanna take this

Bellllaaaaa hiiii:) I’m hooked on biker/bartender bucky(even tattoo artist bucky) with fucking Tats right now and I’d totally love if you could maybe write him and chubby/plus sized reader having a flirty relationship, maybe they’re like a fling or something. She works at his bar/tattoo shop, whichever au you pick, and they’re just fucking flirty and so naughty together lol. Smut is always welcomed!! Thank u bby in advance<3 mwahhh🥺💋

Was curious if you could do a TFAWS Bucky request? Reader is a curvy plus size gal, and Sam has been trying and trying to get Bucky to ask her out. Then one day, he finds her really upset and self conscious… He finally lets his true feelings show, trying to make her feel better… maybe it turns into more? 👀🥰 Like…. ‘Let me just show you how beautiful you are..’ kinda thing lol. I really hope that made sense ☠️☠️

charles blackwood:

Hello there I want to ask... Do you still write Charles blackwood x reader fanfic? It has to be very romantic but very naughty. Charles being very sexy and dominating. It is also the reader's very first time with him too. Can it include a photo of Charles as well? Thanks x

max burnett:

Hi can I request a max Burnett x plus!size reader.

nick fowler:

Okay, speaking of thots, having the Nick Fowler says something sexy in Romanian and leaves gifs back-to-back with the 'no, I'm not okay; I should be sucking his dick rn" thot was— 🥵 Think you could combine those two into a little (or big, would not complain 😉) something something? 😘🤍 👉🏻👈🏻

I’m reading a book about the history evolution of dating, and it has this section on sugar daddies and babies. Apparently a lot of sugar babies are warned not to fall for their daddies, but the women report that usually it’s the other way around and the men fall for them. So what about a soft dark mafia Nick who quickly gets obsessed with his sugar baby reader? He just get more intense the more she denies an emotion connection because it’s just bad business on her end.

pwyc! bucky:

Hi I loved your Pretty when you cry series read it twice already and you did a amazing job 🥰 I was wondering if you could write the reader from that series being catcalled by some creep and dark biker Bucky witnesses it and completely losing it and defending her and maybe it ends with some fluff I hope you have a lovely day or night ❤️

OK maybe After Reading your Dark Soulmate Story I want/need more 😁 So I was thinking about Bucky and the Curvy Reader. Was there ever a time when Bucky Breaks down and cry? Like, He is so Hurt that he is Not Angry but gets really sad? How would the Reader react? How would Bucky himself react? Thanks again For creating These two and thank you For your time🖤 i Love them.

Hi Bella! So you’re my fav tumblr writer and I’m never gonna get over pwyc cause it’s pretty fucking amazing, and I don’t know if you’re taking requests for drabbles or anything like that, but I thought I might as well ask! So imagine that Bucky and Y/N have been living together for a while and things have been great, but Bucky is thinking of proposing, but Y/N is so not ready to get married or have kids, and her and Bucky get into a huge fight over it, and maybe she briefly moves out, and Bucky is basically lost but like also super angry cause we all know he doesn’t take rejection too well, but in the end they make up and by that I mean smut, and you can decide if they get engaged or not, but yeah that’s basically it

Hi! I love pwyc so much then when i saw the new trust series was from you I did a little happy dance! I was wondering if i could request a little drabble of what would happen if reader found out she was pregant and how biker Bucky would react? If not no pressure honestly love all your fics thanks for sharing them with us!

Belllllllaaaaa I have a request to make for pwyc series💕❤️ Imagine bucky getting possessive and jealous of readers coworkers, the reader trying to escape when he thought they were finally getting somewhere in their relationship…..😬😬 would he be angry or upset just love feral bucky 🫣😭🥵

Pwyc reader having nightmare about that night Bucky raped her. While dark!pwyc Bucky is sleeping right next to her. So reader started crying in her sleep,tears and all (cause that's what she does best) from the nightmare with him in it and woke Bucky up. Bucky can tell what it was about and started to soothe her nightmares the only way his perverted ass knows how. He started nuzzling and kissing her neck all over and kiss all her all over her face including her lips,eyes and her tears away while his hands roam all over her body to wake her up. Reader woke up still crying and Bucky ended up giving her the most gentlest (?),angsty or passionate sex? Idk,it doesn't have to be gentle. Just like really angsty and passionate in a really pwyc dark!Bucky way to show reader he's her only choice no matter what so she just gonna learn how to love him and get over her fear and nigthmare with the fear and nightmare himself. And maybe some angsty stomach flipping aftercare afterwards. Dark! request ofc. This can be during pwyc or after pywc,it's up to you. Reader being a crybaby makes this fic special to me :,D Been looking for a pic like this. Thank you so much and sorry if my English sucks a lil. I try. Tysm again 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Hiii Bella!! I love your writing so much, you're very talented 😍 I found the pwyc series about three days ago and I've read it twice 😅 I wasn't that productive at work ig 🤣 as a curvy girl myself who falls very close into the description of the reader/soulmate who loves Bucky, I felt very satisfied. So... I'm rubbish at requests but I thought I would like to ask for something and it's nice that you're kind and understanding so I don't feel too anxious about doing so 👀 so... what about reader going out shopping a dress for an occasion (idk what exactly, something formal-ish ig... a birthday party/dinner maybe?) and the shop assistants make her feel bad by saying things like "we don't have clothes in that big of a size, miss" or "this doesn't suit your fat thighs/stomach" (this has happened a lot to me, unfortunately)? And she gets home sad and spends all week self-loathing and insecure, wearing very baggy clothes and starving herself and pwyc bucky doesn't exactly get what's going on because she doesn't want to discuss it but he feels how down she feels and worries. Then he hears her explaining the experience to eva and he becomes a man on a mission. He has one thing in mind; to shower her with compliments, sweet nothings and have beautiful, passionate and rough sex with her 😏 (and also decides to punch whoever said sh*t about his girl). Thank youuu 💜💜 P.S. Sorry if this was too long☺️

hiii so i just thought of pwyc fluff (bc i love two hopeless romantics) so uhhh what if reader gives bucky a pet name? calls him "love" in front of his friends and bucky just melts and swoons

I just want pwyc reader and bucky to have kids 🫣😬😂 it would be so unexpected and I’m sure bucky would be super excited even if the news comes out of the blue 🥺🥺💕💕 it would be so funny though 😂😂

Just finished your dark soulmate Bucky fic-absolutely loved it, stayed up WAY too late reading it because I couldn’t stop. I was wondering if kids are ever discussed between them? I feel like no for both of them because Bucky seems too greedy to share the reader/lose time with her and I don’t know if the reader would really want babies with him after their start, even if she’s forgiven him. But I do wonder what would happen to Bucky’s mindset-does having a daughter make him realize any new aspects of what he did? Does a son make him worry about raising a man who could do what Bucky did to his own soulmate?

I have a pwyc prompt! Reader borrows Bucky’s beloved car as hers is in his shop. He tells her to be careful as it’s his baby. She misjudges a turn and wrecks it, only gets minor cuts/bruises but goes hospital to get checked out in case concussion. She doesn’t want to see bucky - freaking out about seeing him and admitting she crashed his baby but of course his main worries lie with someone else’s welfare!

what if reader wasn't bucky's soulmate but he wants her anyway. (long request)

Sorry in advance if this is too indulgent even for fanfic, but would you be interested in a prompt where pwyc Bucky is thrilled that the reader is gaining weight? Either because he takes it as a sign that she’s happy so she eating more, they’re going out on fun dates and have delicious things to eat or they’re spending too much time together for her to work out, etc etc. but he’s super into it. And loves to show it, especially during moments when she’s upset about it? So it’s something positive instead of negative.

Hi Bella. Love your work and love that you write curvy/plus size reader as I’m a curvier girl myself. I was wondering if you could write a Drabble/fic with pwyc bucky worshipping/praising reader’s bigger body - maybe she’s having a bad self image day or similar and he kisses all of her curves and lumps/bumps because he genuinely adores her figure and also is very much turned on by her even if she sometimes worries his muscular frame would be better suited to smaller partners as he’s so in shape.

This but she hurts herself bad?🤔🥺

“You come across any other kinks you wanna try, you just let me know. You know I’ll do anything for you, pretty girl.” Hmm how about breeding kink combined with marking kink. I believe the possessive side of Bucky here would absolutely eat this up and be feral. Would love to see your take on this, but if you don’t want, that’s okay! Thank youuu! ���🏻

Hi Bella! I have an idea for a PWYC Drabble please don’t feel obligated to respond or make it. So today I was walking and some total jerks yelled out the window calling me fat. I wonder how Bucky would either comfort reader or handle it. I know you have something similar with your knight drabble. Thank you for all of the incredible work you’ve given us, this is my favorite series of all time— you’re a great writer. ♥️🥹

Hi! I’m a huge fan of PWYC and I was wondering if you thought about doing a pregnancy one shot, or multiple shots related to Bucky and reader starting a family? I’m curious how the dynamic would be considering how Bucky already acts towards reader and how he tends to be very loving but also on consistent watch over reader. If you don’t like the idea or aren’t interested that’s totally okay too!

steve rogers:

I would love to see a stalker Steve Rogers who thinks he’s “courting” you when he buys you presents off your (private) wishlists, takes care of chores around the house when you’re sleeping or away, has lunch delivered to your workplace for you, etc. (sure it’s scary and weird all these things are happening to you, but I would also like to come home to packages on my porch and my lawn mowed, you know?)

[autumn-foxfire]

toga is saving ochako on live tv. i was right the villains were going to be redeemed in the eyes of (some) civilians this way. the contrived situations is why i’m not a fan. quick note, pre plf war i don’t remember the set ups and executions being this bad. week-by-week hori was really good at it, idk what happened.

also looks like hawks might save toga now too. it’s what i expect from him anyway and it feels less impactful because toga isn’t out to hurt anyone anymore so he has no reason to not save her anymore. maybe fandom will get off his case about twice?

Who is going to save the heroes, Ochako asked! Well the villains that caused you to be in this state of course, Horikoshi answered as I try to brain myself on the nearest counter.

From what I've seen from the manga though, I don't think Hawks will be involved because that would have been good writing to include the man who initially caused Toga to actually reflect on her actions due to the consequences they could have.

Honestly it's annoying me how fandom is eating up this fight because of the wlw implications. I've said it before but I wouldn't have too much of an issue with Ochako wanting to reach out to Toga if it had actually been set up well. But no, it went from Ochako disliking Toga for her attempts at the lives of herself and her friends (with the fact that Hori in his attempt to make Toga 'sexy' made these acts come across as sexual in nature which brings up insane issues of consent), to her being angry that Toga killed an innocent women just to be selfish and ask what Ochako would do to her for her crimes and Ochako's answer was that she didn't even fucking care at the moment she's trying to save the people Toga and her 'friends' have condemned to death, to her wanting to save and then reaching out after being nearly murdered by this girl by saying she thinks her smile is the cutest in the world???

Ochako knows NOTHING about Toga's past. We could have had a chapter where Ochako learns that Hawks killed Twice and that Toga was very close to him, to Ochako asking Hawks why he did what he did, to her looking into Toga to find out about her and her circumstances (such as confronting the parents and the counsellors and we can see if their treatment of Toga was truly horrible instead of it being left extremely fucking vague for the purpose of letting the audience fill in the gaps like Hori loves to do) to THEN her reaching out.

It's lazy writing but fandom loves it because it's queer (and I'll probably have people angry at me because I'm critical of said queer writing but as someone who is bisexual so Toga is most likely my representation, I can be annoyed at the sloppy handling of her arc and the unaddressed and toxic traits Hori made her have.)

[calicodreamer]

Calico Reviews: Sun and Moon Show eps. 1-3

Welcome back to Calico rants about the Sun and Moon show to her tumblr page, because its to cringe to explain to people in real life.

We’re going to try to do at least three episodes a week, and then write down my notes so I can ramble about this to my Tumblr, become like, an actual content creator for the things that I like.

Does it count as spoilers for the show if its episodes 1-3? regardless, spoilers below

9:21 Montgomery Gator is the WORST Daycare ATTENDANT in VRCHAT

They have a Funny little intro right now! It's Cringe, and I would like them to not.

 I am looking forward to when they don’t. .

I had previously watched this episode during my trying to get all those juicy little lore bits by being picky and choosey with what I wanted to consume, and unluckily for me, there isn't a complete season one compilation for me to pick through

Moon, when we the audience are not looking through his perspective, hangs out in Vtuber form in the corner. We don’t see any of Sun's Vtuber model right now, but he does have one, so there's that.

Sun - upon the start of the video, is cleaning the day-care, Moon comes down to check on him. Sun is an upbeat happy guy, who is anxiously cleaning the day-care - this seems to be his only personality trait. Moon is snappy, uptight, and grumpy but overall quiet outside of when he is yelling, or being angry at Sun.

Sun has hired Monty the gator (Yes he’s here, no I don’t know why), for 1000$ dollars a second to look after the daycare for him for whatever reason. Why would they have this much money to afford to give it to Monty the gator?? Don’t ask me, they just do I guess. Moon hates Monty the Gator - this is a reasonable opinion of Monty the gator.

Moon has control of the bank account they have I guess.

Sun has to talk to Roxanne for whatever reason (Yes, Yes I do mean Roxanne wolf, No I don’t know why she’s here)

Monty sucks at his job - hence the title of the video. Monty is also an idiot, and happy music plays when he comes on screen, he also briefly thinks that Sun is a statue- this feels like Flanderization, even though this is an au, I hate that character choice, I wish they would not. 

Sun seems to be slightly intense about cleaning, he has a whole organization schedule. Moon can only be grumpy, I assume this is because Sun didn’t talk to him about anything he was doing that day, but eeeeeeeeeeeeeh - Moon stop being a dick to your brother.

There’s implied to be kids running around while everything happens, which is also concerning.

Monty leaves because Moon hates him for whatever reason, I dunno why. He was sent to get snacks and then doesn’t show up for the rest of the episode. I’m also glad Monty is gone, Fuck I hate this character.

Sun shows up, upset that Monty has messed everything up, Moon is largely apathetic to the whole situation. 

9:06 Sun and Moon MOVE to SPACE in VRCHAT

We are still intro-ing, I would still like us to not be. I have to forcibly remind myself that this channel is meant for kids every time the intro comes on, and that If I watch like five episodes a day I can get through this in 2 months.

I am not going to watch five episodes a day

They (The people) told me to watch this episode, You really don’t have to. Nothing of major importance here, but there is funny nonsense happening. 

Moon is starting a ponzi scheme I guess, or atleast is implied to have business deals with “Someone” or people? Idk between this and insisting how “Animatronic” they are I’m beginning to loose it.

Monty the gator is also here (For SOME reason), and he has a space station apartment building that he is using to actively kill people to get more money, they only reason Moon cares about it is because Sun spent 50,000,000 dollars on an apartment for Moon to live in, because he thinks Moon hates him (Poor baby), and wanted Moon to be able to have his own space.

Moon has to walk Sun through what sarcasm is a couple times. Sun you sweet precious baby. And remind him that No he doesn’t actually hate him, and would prefer to live with Sun

Moon goes to Monty to get the Money back

Monty doesn’t wanna give the money back

Moon threatens to expose him

Monty gives the money back.

Apparently Sun spent even more money on a tv sold to him by Monty

Oh boy howdy, I hope this character trait of Sun being gullible isn’t around long.

Other notes:

It's Directly stated that they have a bank account, and that Moon has enough money to buy himself a house for whatever reason? Why is he buying himself a house? I don’t know. Where did they get the bank account from? I don’t know. WHY DO THEY HAVE-

There's also apparently enough money on this account to afford a funky little space station apartment, and a house.

Moon invent things, why? Idk personality traits.

But they do have a good dynamic going or whatever, and the voice acting for Moon is pretty good

17:51 Sun and Moon Play AMONG US in VRCHAT

THERE IS NO INTRO LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sun and Moon are playing among us, for some reason. With Some of the Funtime animatronics, Glamrock Chica, and Freddy - just regular old Freddy - he is here

Sun and Moon are canonically, Very Big boys, and have to crawl around the ship

This is just a Funny little episode, Nothing important lore wise happens here, but you do get more of Sun and Moons Dynamic. 

Sun walks around being anxious the entire time, and everything is too short for him to move around properly. Which is a shame that no ones drawn this scene yet because I think that would be hilarious - them just knuckle walking on the ground because they’re both too tall. 

“OMG YOU GUYS ARE CREEPILY WALKING EVERYWHERE!?!?”

“Bro, I am literally just trying to get around.”

Funtime Freddy has a stupid voice

also Funtime foxy what the fuck is up with your voice, I am literally begging you both not to show up again so I don’t have to hear you. I hate it.

Moon is so proud of himself for just doing anything - he could burn coffee and I'd still believe he was proud of himself

Moon has such a smug little voice and I’m 80% sure its all the deadpan tone he has when he’s not yelling. When he’s not being an edgy bastard he’s such a little goober. The dynamic between the two is very interesting, and I am HERE for it. 

Notable: Moon is Willing to Kill Sun, and kill for Sun without a second thought, Sun is willing to lie for his brother. Even to his own detriment. Sun is afraid of Moon to some degree in the episode? I'm not sure how much of a joke this is.

I am most certainly reading into it

Moon stop being an edgy goober for like, five seconds, I swear. The deadpan voice even makes him even better. I love him

Sun stop being Anxious challenge “level impossible”

This episode is just silly little filler, Not much of note happens.

Everyone is rabid, except for Sun who is a very good boy. I cannot wait to see him change that

Final thoughts:

So Overall, In the first three episodes. My favourite character is definitely Moon, mostly because I like his voice better. Sun and Moon definitely have some issues in their relationship, especially since Moon is grumpy, and Sun is constantly going out of his way to try and appease him most of the time.

Anyhow, hopefully this makes my watching of the series easier.

Previous post?:

[embe95]

It Only Took One Saturday

Synopsis: Mac's a good guy, okay? Well, I mean, he's the only one who cares about me... right? But then along comes Felix, who just changes everything.

Felix, again... He's just lovely to write for, idk man. This took waaaaay longer than I thought it would. And it is LONG. 6,800 words, jeepers.

Warnings: emotionally abusive relationship (reader has a toxic ex), cursing, talk of sex (not explicit) but yeah, here we are

Late again! Fuck… fuck Y/N, you can’t keep doing this!

I cover my face with a pillow, groan and stagger up quickly even though my body begs me to catch up on my sleep some more. Late… I’m late. Again. Minho is going to slice my head clean off.

Where- oh right, there…

”Y/N?” I hear his groggy voice from the messy bed. It’s covered with regret from corner to corner.

Fuck. Not again.

”Mac! You’re up!” I turn, grinning with panic, arms still flailing around to try and grab my clothes.

Mac leans up on his elbows, toned biceps flexing, hair a mess, and so it all comes back to me.

I’m at his house again. Why, why, why do I keep doing this?

I pull on my sweats, grateful that some part of me must have considered the fact that I have practice today.

This is not at all surprising. I came here after an anxiety attack and we had sex. Disappointing, yes, both as a decision and as an activity, but not surprising.

”You have practice again?” Mac’s voice sounds like a chain saw, but his tone is nonchalant. He’s gonna ask when he can see me next. I’m already bugged by the question.

”Mhmm… yeah.”

Where is the damn- oh yeah, there.

I pull my shirt on.

”When can we meet up?”

”Mac, listen, this was fun, but I don’t think-”

”Yeah, yeah, just stop. You say the same shit every time. Just face it, it’s not like you’re gonna find someone better. What we have is fine.”

”What we ha- You know what? Not now. I’m late. We’ll talk later.”

Mac’s reply ”see you tonight” rings in my ears as a disheartening taunt, a threat, a promise and, unfortunately, most likely a fact.

The city streets are filled with people who just can’t seem to understand that they are in my way and not moving quickly enough. The ride on the bus takes longer than it usually does. Seoul flies by, colours, sounds, smells all mixing together. What if I don't see Mac tonight? What if I do? Will he be angry if I'm alone? If I decide to be by myself will I end up going back anyway?

My body is tense and I check the time every few seconds, half waiting and half dreading the famous message I’m about to receive.

| What degree would you like me to set the air fryer to?

Actually, no. That one would be Minho when he’s not in his all-consuming choreographer mode, but when I’m just late for a coffee date etc. Nah, the text I’m about to get is from the team.

*Ping*

Called. It.

| Jinnie: What temp should Min set the air fryer to?

| Felix: I’ve hidden it, don’t worry

They’re hilarious.

| Y/N: eta 3 min

I’m usually late when I sleep over at Mac’s. It feels like a cycle, an unhealthy one at that. Are cycles ever positive? I digress.

We officially broke up over three months ago. Why did we do that again? Did we ever really? Bitch, please. I’m the one who called it off because I felt like there was a rhino sitting on my chest whenever we were together. But then… I don’t know. The rhino became a constant presence, and without another body close to mine it wiggles and jumps and dances. Sex is a distraction. But it’s never quite what I need. Maybe I'm the problem? Maybe I'm too much in my head? Maybe I'm bad at it? It’s more of a sport, really. At least dancing makes me sweaty and satisfied. 

Speaking of.

After what seems like 3 hours to me, the packed bus finally glides to my stop and I squeeze myself out from between two suits smelling of expensive Sauvage. The perfume stays with me as I speed to the studio on the 10th floor.

Almost there. Already sweaty.

I toss my bag and jacket, bow as deep as I can without falling over and join the warm up.

The next half an hour is grueling.

”Hey you,” Felix sighs as he slumps down next to me. He’s panting nearly as hard as me.

Thank goodness it’s not just me being out of shape, Minho is really working us today.

I wish I was focusing on him, his freckles and that incredible blonde hair that’s sticking to his forehead and neck. Instead I’m stuck staring at the luminescent rectangle in my hand, at the text underneath a number that should’ve been deleted long ago.

| Can you grab some toilet paper on your way over?

”You alright?”

”Yeah, I’m fine,” I sigh and discard the phone back into my bag. Airplane mode on, obviously, no phones during practice.

Felix stays quiet, fiddling with the strings on his hoodie.

”What’s up with Hyung today?”

”Right?” I leap at the opportunity to distract myself from the message I just received, but its effect on my mood is evident.

But Felix is his gentle self and doesn’t push it. He knows it’s not the time or place. He knows I don’t much care for talking in general.

”Break’s over! C’mon!”

We’ve been a dance team for a while, me, Felix, Hyunjin, Jisung and Elle. Three months to be exact. Minho focuses on the choreos but sometimes the formations he comes up with require pairings, and so he hops back in to where he originally began; dancing with his friends. I met them all during Minho’s classes, Hyunjin first at contemporary, Elle and Felix in street styles.

When my dear friend opened his dance school a few years back I attended it as more of a ”supportive friend” sort of thing, but ended up loving it so much there was nothing to do but become a standard fixture in Minho’s classes.

Then one September evening after a particularly sweaty contemporary class Min asked if I’d have the guts to try out for a team he was putting together. I almost started crying because of how touched I was that he wanted me to join so desperately.

It felt like magic, the way we all just clicked. We have ambition, Minho’s choreographies and just a shit-load of fun together. I didn’t even completely comprehend how far Minho’s reputation had spread before I found out that Felix had flown all the way from Australia just to attend his workshop. And now, here he is, next to me, practicing the most difficult combo I’ve ever witnessed Minho do.

I have the best time with all of them, no matter what we do. But Felix… he’s so kind and bright and pure like a fresh summer breeze. While my humor is more on the dark side (thank you, Min), we get along much better than I dared hope. My only ”problem” is that he never seems to be in a bad mood, and I don’t trust people without a dark side. He’s competitive, absolutely, and gets a little frustrated when he doesn’t learn a choreography as fast as he’d like. But according to him, when I compared his outbursts in those situations to mine or Elle’s, he just shrugged and smiled, stating that he’s a slow learner and that’s okay.

What gets him mad? What shakes him up? What makes those dark eyes darker? Maybe I'll find out some day.

”Min, one more time, please?” Elle pleads, eyes big, chest heaving, t-shirt soaked.

We four hum in agreement.

Practice runs until three pm. as agreed and I realize the rest of my Saturday is free.

Well, I mean… Mac is waiting for the toilet paper.

Minho startles me as his strong hands land on my shoulders.

"YA!" I snap and flip around.

His forehead is coated with sweat, hair sticking to it like running ink. My face expresses the distain for the previous gesture, but it's hard to keep an insulted composure when he looks at me like this; the small, mischievous smile more than familiar.

"Just coming to compliment you, but fine."

"Go on then."

"Why were you late?"

"Ha!"

My exclamation holds confidence, but as soon as Minho's eyebrows reach for the ceiling and his eyes turn worried, the façade shakes. He knows about Mac. He knows as much as I let him, but being a close friend has probably granted him the burden of seeing through my words. It's difficult to hide the calls and constant texts. And the running mascara.

"I'm here you know, just let me know if you need anything." This time his strong hand is gentle as it grips my shoulder. I nod and reach for my bag.

"Thank you, I know. It's all good."

"Why don't we have a proper movie night? Maybe some drinks?" Minho leans down to search for my gaze. Instead of waiting for my answer, he hurries towards Hyunjin, Jisung, Felix and Elle, all four of them already heading out. "You guys free tonight?"

I feel giddy from the idea of spending time with my friends.... beats having to be a delivery girl by a thousand miles. Well, that's not completely fair, I stay at Mac's house so it's only fair that I buy stuff too. But seeing my team smile and nod eagerly and immediately start making plans on what, where and when is like serotonin of a different kind. It's calmer than the energy that comes from dancing, it's more comfortable than explosive, if that makes sense.

So a plan is made: we'll all meet at Minho's house in two hours. I'll get the wine, Hyunjin is in charge of chips, Felix is on dip duty, Jisung will bring the sweets and Elle takes care of the donuts. Minho will order the pizzas.

"Hey Y/N, I uh..." Felix opens the building door for me as we all make our way out. He looks a little nervous, but I can't see why that would be the case. Did I do something to upset him today? Was I rude? Did he want to tell me off for being late again?

"I don't really need to head home, mind if I just come to your house with you and we can head to hyung's together?"

Oh. That's all? I sigh in relief and smile, both at his question and my own thought process. He's never been to my house but I don't see why that's a problem.

"Sure, yeah, let's go catch the bus."

The bus is as full as when I arrived four hours ago. Felix and I are squeezed together, chest to back at first, but I get frustrated with not being able to reply when he talks next to my ear, so I flip around after the first two stops. His neck is in my eyeline, I find his eyes by tilting my head up. I'm so happy he's not Mac.

"You don't wanna shower or anything?"

"Do I smell?" he smirks.

"No! No, that's not what I- I mean just that-"

"Calm down," Felix chuckles, his chest vibrating against mine. His tongue quickly swipes across his lips. "You have a point, I guess I didn't really think about it."

"You can shower at mine," I shrug and feel my phone buzz deep in the pocket of my hoodie. It seems irrelevant, all I'm focused on is watching Felix's cheeks and ears change color. I don't think there's any need to be shy about such things, a shower is such a normal need and I so happen to have one at my place, as well as a clean towel and some shampoo. I always have this need to make people feel at home at my apartment, even if they haven't been there before. My goal is that it's easy for them to be with me and around me if that's a space I want to give them. And Felix has more than earned his space these past months.

Why does every suit wear Sauvage nowadays?

We laugh at nothing, damn near skipping our way to the elevator.

As the doors open to reveal the end of my blissful Saturday standing in the hallway, I find myself wishing that Felix had come home with me any other night. The rhino suddenly leaps onto my torso again, begins a little jig and my feet go a little numb. Tonight sounded too good to be true anyway.

"Where have you been?"

The text from earlier... I could've prevented this. Ignore the question, he knows where I've been.

"Felix, this is Mac, Mac, this is Felix."

Mac doesn't take Felix's outstretched hand, only stares at him up and down. I want to smack his judgmental jawline.

"Oh... uh. Hey, man... what's up?" Felix uses the hand meant for a polite handshake to rub the back of his neck.

"I'm her boyfriend."

"Ex-boyfriend," I specify abruptly, sending a pleading look at Felix to... well, I don't know what.

"What are you?" the owner of the rhino asks, voice as judgmental as his expression.

This is normal. Mac never got along with any of my friends. That's how boyfriends are. Or some boyfriends. We're meant to spend time together by ourselves and then we both keep our own friends as separate entities. He didn't want me to get jealous of his pretty friends. And of course he shouldn't have to see me being happy with other guys.

I fumble with my key and feel Mac's eyes burning my skin very uncomfortably. Maybe if I take too long, Mac will leave?

"Open up, I've been here for like... ten minutes."

"You knew I had practice."

"How was I supposed to remember what time it ends?"

He hasn't remembered before, why would he now? But we didn't make plans this time, but... I did, with my teammates.

"What's he doing here?" 

Mac pushes past me into the apartment, practically shoving me against the door. Felix's arm flies behind my back to stop me from falling.

My place is small, about 25 square feet which is really all I need. I try to keep it tidy, but every corner here screams "hectic lifestyle". Felix takes off his Converse immediately which makes me smile. I probably should be embarrassed by him seeing the laundry and dishes, but who doesn't have those in their apartment? Having two guys in here though... that's a little out of the ordinary.

"Felix and I just came to swing by, we're heading to Minho's for a movie night-"

"What? I thought we were hanging out?"

"I never said that! Minho asked and we all thought it was a great idea-"

”I drove all this way to get you!”

He did. He drove the whole five blocks for me.

”I know, okay,” I sigh and cross my arms. It hurts to turn to look at Felix, whose expression is completely unfamiliar to me. But his eyes aren't on me, they're on the man currently slumping onto my couch, I hear the heels of his shoes hit the small table in front of it. I wish he wouldn't do that.

I step between them. The rhino standing on me makes it hard to move. ”I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? I'll just text Minho. I’m so sorry for this Lix… dragging you here…”

Those beautiful brown eyes soften as he turns to me, it almost looks like he's reaching for me.

”You didn’t-”

”Lix? Are you a cat?” Mac laughs at his own quip.

He’s not funny, but at least he tries? I guess. But it’s not funny when it’s aimed at my friend.

”Shut up,” I reply. ”There’s no room for that with so many burgers in your name.”

Felix chuckles low and glances at me, hands in his pockets. I’m happy I make him laugh, it feels like an achieved goal. His smile falls quickly when his gaze does the same; he sees me throwing my bag over my shoulder and my feet inching back towards my discarded shoes next to the door.

”You really shouldn’t try to be funny,” the burger scoffs from the couch, grabbing a fistful of sourcream chips from the bowl on the table. I made him angry with my joke, I knew I shouldn't have said it. ”Or eat these, I thought we talked about this,” he mumbles as they turn to mush in his mouth.

He’s right, we have talked about it. Mac has said many times that he’s noticed how they make my face bloat. He’s right, I’m trying to be a good dancer, after all, I need to look the part.

I hum in response and lean down to tie my laces.

”You ready or what? What’s taking so long?”

”Almost!” I reply fast.

I return to an upright position so quick my head spins, but I have to hurry because Mac is getting impatient. I'm already mentally preparing to head for the door, when a sudden chill runs through me.

”Felix?” I stare at his expression, from the side his eyes look black. I hold out my hand, my trembling fingers reach for his arm but before they make their landing, he steps towards Mac.

”Leave.”

I’ve never heard a voice so low, it’s primitive and raw. Mac freezes in his spot, chips stilling in his mouth.

”Now.”

”Excuse me?”

”Lix, I-”

”No, I’m sorry. Excuse me. Let me be more clear.”

Felix approaches Mac slowly.

”Get off your ass, walk to the door, open it, step out of it and then close it. I don't care what the fuck you get up to after that, but leave my sight right now, or I won't be responsible for my actions.”

Mac looks at Felix, then me. His expression emits complete disbelief. I don't move for an instant, but when I see Felix's head begin to tilt to the left, his back so tense he's shaking, I'm flooded with the strength of the small army he and I form together. I stare back at my ex, eyes ablaze, and cross my arms.

Mac scoffs and stomps toward the exit.

"You're just a mess of red flags, Y/N, psycho friends and all this shit, good luck finding someone to fuck!"

The silence that follows the slammed door is deafening. My hands fall to my sides slowly, the rhino walks away. I can't stop staring at the bowl of chips next to the couch. Why shouldn't I eat those if I like them? Why should I go just because he tells me to? I can find people to fuck me, to love me... I-I think I can. Right now I think I can.

”Thank you.”

”I’m so sorry,” Felix says speedily and his voice overlaps with mine. He pulls me in for a one-sided hug. I can’t respond out of the confusion in my brain.

”Sorry? For what?”

"I know you don't need saving, I just lost it, I'm so sorry if I hurt you by treating you as someone helpless, you're not, at all!"

Only Felix could turn doing something so kind and hot and decent into something to apologize for. I reach for the sides of his head which is now buried in my shoulder. He's still shaking.

"Lix, look at me."

He does.

"You did nothing wrong, thank you. I mean it. He needed to hear that. As did I."

His lower lip trembles.

"Oh come here, silly," I pull him back to the hug he began. Arms flung around my torso tightly, we remain like that and just breathe together until I feel his vibrating muscles calm.

So, that's what he's like when he's mad. That's one of his buttons; he's protective of his friends. Interesting, sort of obvious and very fitting.

Felix has to crouch, almost fold over to have his head reach the crook of my neck. This is the first time he's ever felt tall and small simultaneously, it's endearing. I'm suddenly very conscious about the fact that I haven't showered yet when I feel his nose brush the nape of my neck. My breathing pauses from the feeling. I hope I don't smell. Why did that feel so... intimate?

His arms tighten and he inhales deeply. Shivers travel throughout my existence and I have to force out an exhale.

"Are you okay?" Felix straightens up and focuses all his attention towards my eyes. It's magnetic, I just stare back. His eyes are brown again. I've never noticed that freckle next to his eyebrow.

"Y-Yeah, I'm good..." I mumble and then realize what I said.

The rhino is actually gone. I can breathe. I test the thought in practice and start smiling, the full kind.

"I'm good. I'm good! That felt so, so good! Felix, oh my god. Thank you for standing up to Mac, oh my god, I feel okay, I really do!"

I prance and hop around my apartment, blabbering all the while. My friend laughs aloud with a bright expression, his hip to one side, weight on one leg and hands in his pockets.

"I'm happy to hear it. I'm sorry I got so angry though," he goes serious.

"No, no, I loved it!"

"Huh?"

I stop mid jump and feel like what I just blurted out is floating in front of me like a subtitle. Without knowing my thought process I can see how this could be confusing.

"He's gone," I sigh and turn to look at Felix. "He's gone, and it's good. I love that you did what would've taken me another six months of my life to finally do."

The whole team knows we started dancing together around the time me and Mac "broke up". I watch realization spread onto Lix's handsome features and wonder what it is he realized. That I was too weak to be alone? That I basically lied about the break up and that I've been seeing Mac this whole time? That I'm an idiot? That I'm pathetic?

"Has he been like that to you the whole time?" His eyes are dark again.

That's a tricky question in a sense. I really want to say he wasn't like that at first. That he changed. But maybe he was always like that and I was just too into him to see it. We disappeared from my friends' sight so quickly that no one in my social group really ever got to know him before the bigger fights began. Maybe they would've seen that he was a walking red flag.

"I'm not sure, actually. I think... it may have changed around the time he found out about my anxiety," my voice is small. I find refuge on the bed because the couch seems to still have his ass print on it. "I-I... Well, what really helps me when I get anxious, like have an attack or something, is physical contact. Mac made me feel like... I guess he made me feel like he was the only one who wants to help me. So even though I always felt heavy with him, and I did, truly, I feel so small and- well, just wrong when I'm with him it just... It felt like a better option than the wrong way I feel when I'm by myself. Whenever being alone got too much and I needed someone to hold me, hug me, touch me... love me, I'd go back to him. I guess I think it's better than being alone. And sometimes I just freeze and stare at everything this effects in my life; my family, friends, the team... I love dancing with you guys so much, but if I keep being late and just fucking everything up, I don't know what'll happen... Great, here I go. I'm sorry."

Tears have begun to run down my cheeks all the way to my hoodie. I didn't look at Felix once during my monologue, it felt so personal and self-reflective that I should've been on a leather futon in a therapist's office. All of a sudden he lands in front of me, knees colliding with the floor.

"Don't apologize, please."

Felix's hands envelope mine and he squeezes them gently. "I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this. If I'd known... He's an asshole, you don't need him. You have so many people who'd be happy to help you with whatever you need. People who adore you."

His hands protecting mine feels comforting, but there's something very exciting about his touch. I'm happy I'm crying, because it hides the real reason I think I'm shivering right now. But it's Felix... I mean it's Lee Felix, he's my friend. My teammate. I mean... have I thought about what he's hiding underneath his clothes, what he'd look like out of them and under me? Sure, yeah, of course. Obviously. But never in a serious manner. I haven't even let myself think about having a new crush. There's only been Mac. The one whose supposed to be the only one to love and take care of me... I imagine what sex would be like with everyone I dance with, I guess. How can someone who's been having sex regularly be so horny? Maybe it speaks to the satisfaction level of the activity. Or the one offering the services. I digress. What is it about Felix that makes our contact so monumental all of a sudden? 

And now I know he can get mad, his eyes do get darker. And it happened as he protected me. I loved it. It's like I've unlocked a new level.

My tears cease, the last two fall when I smile.

"Thanks, Lix, that's sweet."

"I mean it, I... We really care for you. And if you ever need company or anything, you know, just call me- or any of us!"

His eyes haven't left our joint hands once.

This would be the perfect moment to kiss him.

As if reading my mind, his eyes find mine. They're big and beautiful, glowing. He's glowing.

This is the wrong time to kiss him, or anyone. It's not fair, I'm just fragile and excited and frazzled, and anything that could happen now could just as easily be me trying to control these roaring emotions with something concrete. That something should be taking a shower, not kissing my friend.

But he's so beautiful and staring at me and just right there, looking so ready for the taking.

SHOWER, WOMAN. DO IT NOW.

My hands fly to Felix's cheeks and his eyes light up even brighter. I smack a dry kiss onto his forehead and get up clumsily.

"Thank you, you're amazing. Really, I'm so happy we're friends," I chirp, heading to the closet to grab fresh towels for us both. I toss the yellow one to him just as he's getting up, eyes now on the ground, the corners of his lips seem to curve down. He must not like forehead kisses. "Let's talk more okay, I really do want to go through this properly, but I really need a shower first. Just make yourself at home."

An accepting hum follows me to the bathroom.

I'm quick when I shower, but I'm happy that Felix took my comment to heart and relaxed enough to sit on my bed in the five minutes I spent away from the shared space. He smiles quickly and heads straight for the shower after me. The door slams shut. It feels aggressive.

Did he look sad? Mad? Annoyed? I'm not the best at going through this, deep conversations I mean. How do I express how grateful I am for what he did? I've never been in this situation, having someone kick another someone out of my apartment, having someone stand up for me. Granted, it was a coincidence Felix was here and saw Mac in action, I'm lucky to have friends who would've kicked his ass months ago if I'd given them the go-ahead. But maybe Felix wanted me to kiss him? But why would he? Would that have been a good thank you? Did he feel like I wasn't being fair? That I'd kiss someone like Mac but not him? Not Felix... surely he wouldn't- I pray he doesn't think that. He's not the guy who thinks I should "repay" him. He's not.

While my mind rolls me down this very steep hill I somehow find my way into comfortable yet clean clothes. We should really get going.

"Hey, mind if I borrow a hoodie? I didn't bring a change of clothes and would be nice to throw on something fresh."

I can't breathe, he's gorgeous, the towel flung over his other shoulder while his sweats hang low on his defined hips.

SPEAK.

"Yeah, yeah, sure, yeah, of course, that's fine."

I toss him a hoodie just like I did the towel fifteen minutes prior, he catches it just as easily. Only this time I can see the muscles that work while that movement happens.

"We should really get going."

We should, and we do. Felix is a tacit conversational partner the entire way to Minho's, mostly because I'm so nervous I'm blabbing his ears off. The quiet, very clean creature next to me doesn't seem to mind the listening role though, so I keep going until we get to Minho's apartment.

"What took you so long?" a fresh-out-of-the-shower Minho groans loudly.

"We're early!" I reply and shove a wine bottle into each of his free hands. Felix chuckles. "Jinnie, Ji and Elle aren't even here yet!"

"I'm hungry now, and I assumed you'd be earlier to make up for being late again today!"

We make our way to the kitchen.

"YA! You know I'm sorry!"

"Your apologies mean nothing to me."

"Hyung," Felix shakes his head solemnly.

Everything goes quiet. Minho's look jumps from me to Felix, obviously annoyed he doesn't understand, not knowing what he's supposed to not talk about. It's really not fair, and I don't want Felix thinking he's not allowed to talk about what happened, how he helped me.

Fine, I'll just come clean.

"I've been late because I've been sleeping over at Mac's. A-And sleeping with Mac."

Minho's eyes widen.

 "And when I do that I... I loose sense of everything else. I'm sorry, Min."

"But we're gonna help her now," Felix's soft smile makes me tear up again. "So she'll realize she doesn't need him."

I believe Felix.

"Felix kicked him out of my apartment today."

Minho's whole being brighten's up. "Really?"

"Yeah, and I'll do my best to keep him out."

"And we'll help," Min replies and reaches out his hand. "Phone."

After a moment of misplaced incredulous staring, as if I didn't know the next step was necessary, I hand it over. With a few calculated, overjoyed swipes and clicks, Minho does his part to ensure that Mac's gone. I have the best friends. The thought floats in my head like a proud flag I proudly fly, but then the door bell rings. And ten minutes later it does the same thing. And I only get more proud from there.

The rest of the night is amazing. I haven't felt this light in millenniums. The five of us indulge in wine, chips, pizza, donuts and movies. It's exactly what life should feel like. Sometimes I catch Felix staring at me. His response to our gazes connecting is either a swift redirection of his head or a goofy face. I'm sure I made him uncomfortable somehow. Maybe he thinks that I know what that thing was and wants me to not feel bad about it. Because he's kind and selfless that way. But the thing is that I don't know what the damn thing is. The drink swirling in my wine glass isn't wine, it changed into a demonic version of a Gin & Tonic two full glasses ago. It's Sprite and Gin, the two ingredients Minho has in his apartment, if you don't count milk. Which I do not. The blasphemy still goes down fairly easily, and I'm finding it harder and harder to stop staring at my beautiful, blonde savior. I need to know what made him make those faces as well as how he feels about everything that went down - and didn't go down - at my apartment.

I'm pretty sure my brain is demanding things I shouldn't really demand of him. He doesn't owe me anything, it's the other way around really. But I don't want to repay him physically. I mean I do... but only as a disguise to hide the fact I really do want to touch him and feel him. Okay, I'm going over the rails. I set down my glass, slowing down the drinking to make my thoughts calmer, but... when did I empty this? Never mind.

"Y/N-ya, it's almost one, you need to go or you're going to miss the last bus," Minho's voice rings from the kitchen. One? How can it already be one in the morning? "Wanna sleep over?" he continues after a slight pause, mouth obviously full of something. I've taken shelter in his lovely home countless times, but somehow I feel like going home. Today has been such a hurricane.

"Nah, thanks," I get up and skip to the kitchen, pulling my best friend in for a hug. "But brunch tomorrow?"

Minho nods against my shoulder. He hugs me tighter than usual. He utters the next sentences without lifting his head.

"I'm fucking glad that he's gone. I wish I'd known you were still... Anyway, call me, Felix, anyone else when you get low okay?"

My turn to move my head up and down. I hear the quietest, most fragile "I love you" before he straightens up and ruffles my hair sloppily. "Get going, or you'll have to run!"

I give Hyunjin, Jisung and Elle their goodbye squeezes, but as I'm rashly moving closer to Felix's torso on the couch, he captures my hands in his and fixes his eyes on mine, this time obviously wanting me to notice. They're slightly glossy, a little red, as is his nose. An intense feeling burns through me as his skin glues to mine, identical to this afternoon.

"I was thinking of heading out too, can I make sure you get home okay?"

I swallow and nod.

We stand about twenty feet from the bus stop as we watch the vehicle drive by, almost empty. I let out a laugh. Last night bus, cab costs an arm and a leg, walking takes an hour and it's freezing. So...

"Well, back to Minho's I guess," I rub my hands together and glance at Felix, ready to turn back to the mini party only a few minutes back the way we came. "I can wait for your bus with you if you want,  where does it-"

"I can walk, I... I live pretty close."

"But..." I mumble and stare at the imaginary Google Maps opening in my brain. "You could've just gone home to shower today then, you didn't have to come to my house. I thought you lived so far that it wouldn't have made any sense for you to..." my voice disappears when the shyest and most embarrassed smile I've ever witnessed starts to adorn his features.

"Yeah... I live like, fifteen minutes from here. I just... I don't know, I just wanted to hang out. With you."

"Why?"

Felix laughs, loud, incredulous, glancing up at the dark heavens. "Why? 'Cause you're amazing, that's why. I've been... shit, okay... I've been wanting to hang out alone with you for weeks. I've had a crush on you since- well I guess since the first time I saw you in class months ago. It was just physical at first, I think, but then we got into the same team and you just... every day you just turn out to be cooler and cooler and I've just been gathering the guts to fucking ask you out... I was going to ask today, but then we made these plans, so I just used that to try to steal a few moments alone with you. But then..."

I gulp.

"We met that asshole who made me lose my shit, and I'm still just so sorry I got angry, but I just needed to get him out, I mean, how could he talk to you like that? Treat you like that? And then when you cried and I held your hands for the first time, all I wanted to do was kiss you, and I thought you wanted the same thing, and I'm so sorry for that."

We've made our way to lean against the apartment block's stone wall side by side, eyes on the ground. But the flood of questions that take over my brain at this apology physically fling my gaze to him.

"I'm sorry I was thinking of something like that when you were so vulnerable. You obviously didn't want that, you made it really clear with how fast you left the room and how nervous you've been since... I made you uncomfortable, and I'm so, so sorry. It was never my intention. And... well, the more I think about it, the sillier the thought of you wanting to go out with me feels-"

"Why? Because you're kind? Handsome? Funny? Talented? Intelligent?" I blurt and turn to stand in front of him. "Felix..." I whisper and take his hands into mine, suddenly shy again, since I can't seem to look up. "You didn't make me uncomfortable. Not at all. The reason I did this," I repeat the forehead kiss, only slower. His body goes fully stiff. "And ran into the shower was so I wouldn't kiss you right then. It didn't feel fair."

"What do you mean?" his voice is low and hoarse, chin tilting up so his eyes reach mine. How can someone look this ethereal?

"Because... I didn't want you to think that I was only doing it because I was trying to get over Mac. I haven't let myself think about anyone else since we started going out and I... Now, I feel desperate to just forget about him and find something better. I want to believe I deserve it, it's a lot of work but because of you, what you did today, I think I can. I just... desperately need to get him out of my system. I want something more."

"You deserve it. You deserve so much," he whispers and I watch his Adam's apple bounce.

How does alcohol give me so much confidence? Four drinks ago I would've turned as red as a tomato and moved away, but now my eyes stay on the man in front of me as he slowly straightens up and is suddenly towering over my short form. But when Felix towers, it's safe and strong, not intimidating in the slightest.

"I'd like to help you think about someone else."

"I want to kiss you," I bring our hands up, placing them between our chests. "But only because I want to kiss you, Felix, not just anyone. You."

"B-But I don't want you to feel like-"

"Shh... I don't. I want you. I just don't want to hurt you, because I don't know what my heart can take at the moment, I can't promise that I'll be a good person to date right now, I-"

"What if..." Felix gently lifts my chin higher with his thumb as his voice trails off softly. "We just... kiss good night, and then I'll take you on a date tomorrow... Let's see how it goes and... take it from there. Sound good?"

"Mhm."

"Yeah?" he grins before leaning down to press his lips against mine. Right before they touch, he hesitates. He's kind. Too kind. His breath beckons me, calls for me to close the gap.

They're so soft. I need to grip hold of his hoodie just to stay upright as we melt together. Felix's hands pull me closer by my waist, I feel him crumpling up my hoodie too. He tastes like sprite, it's heavenly. The good night kiss turns into a much longer goodbye, as we slowly explore how our lips and tongues fit together. I could stay here forever. I can't remember anyone I've ever gone on a date with, dated, let alone kissed before this. It's heavenly. It's all just... heavenly.

Today, I found two things that make Felix's eyes darken. That's really exciting. They're almost black when they open as we pull away from each other, but return to the gentle chocolate shade when he smiles.

"Good night," I whisper and give him one more peck, which almost turns into a another session.

I wave shyly as I watch him disappear behind the corner. I don't know how I'll get to sleep. Or how I'm going to explain this grin that just won't. Go. Down.

The next day I have brunch with Minho, and Felix and I head to the movies in the evening. That date turns into another, and another... and another. By the time Christmas comes around, we've been together almost every day. I've found a lot of things that make Felix's eyes darken.

But since we've been together, I haven't been late to practice once. Okay, once, but that time we were late together.

[oysters-aint-for-me]

just stupid venting about mental illness etc.

ugh i don’t feel great and i thought it was allergies because i woke up with a bloody nose and a really itchy face and i’ve had a tickle in my throat but i told my dad about it and he was like “oh you’re probably getting what i had” which was some sort of bad cold/flu-like thing (not The flu but similar symptoms) and of course he says it all offhand because he’s not mentally ill and being sick isn’t a big deal to him. but now i’m really upset because the last two times i’ve been sick i have had the WORST sore throat, like, i was in tears, and i don’t want to go through that again, and now i’m dreading when it’ll hit hard, like watching a truck headed my way but i can’t move. AND this weekend is my birthday and it is the first time i’ve been like sort of okay with my birthday in several years. so of COURSE i would be sick this year meaning i won’t do anything for my birthday which ironically is all i have wanted for my birthday for the past 6 years EXCEPT THIS YEAR! but you know what, it doesn’t mean even matter, because everyone else already made plans to do other shit on my birthday so it already felt like people were trying to squeeze it into their busy normal healthy lives until i just gave up and decided what i was going to be doing by myself (LOTR marathon) and if other people want to show up they can. so yeah, that means it’ll just be me and my mom and my dad because no one else can fit me in. idk it’s like. the past several birthdays i have been forced to celebrate them even though i EXTREMELY didn’t want to, like, at all, i have been so profoundly uncomfortable every year, but i made myself go through with it with a smile because people want to be nice to you on your birthday and they get weird if you’re weird about it because then it’s like “uh oh now we have to comfort the mentally ill birthday person awkwaaard” and anyway i already didn’t care and so i just let them do whatever they wanted because at least it made them happy, you know? liek whatever, just go limp and go along with it. but this year i felt like i could actually try a little, and so i tried. and it didn’t even make a fucking difference. now, i know that getting sick right before my birthday isn’t like, some sort of narrative metaphor about how i’m doomed to unhappiness or part of some scheme where the universe is conspiring against me specifically. i know that. i know germs are random and that people are busy and that no one probably really paid enough attention (and i can’t fault them for that, it’s not like i made it easy) to realize how uninvolved and unhappy i have been in my past several birthdays so why would they think this one is particularly special. people don’t know what they don’t know and i can’t expect them to read my mind. i know that. but i wish i didn’t. i wish could give myself permission to feel irrationally angry or to blame something or someone else other than myself. i wish i could cite this information and then go wide with it and conclude that this is yet more evidence that i shouldn’t try to “get better.” but i know all of that is illogical and i know that other people would use cognitive behavioral logic against it if i told them and i know that they would be RIGHT. and i also know that none of that would change how i feel. and no, i don’t know 100% for sure that it wouldn’t help, that’s not logical either, but i do have a lifetime of experience so i can make a p good guess. but whatever, anyway i’m gonna be sick on my birthday anyway and i’ll be miserable just like i have been the last 6 years. so fuck me, i guess! ugh sorry anyway if you read this far thank you for “listening” 💜 i don’t feel better but it did make some time go by so eh you win some you lose some