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brown-little-robin · 3 years

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7: Things Of His Own

part one | previous | next | ao3

A fantastic illustration by the extraordinary @eyefocusing! I am holding it in my heart always. Little Thad. HELEN.

An envelope slides under his door in late afternoon.

Thad is written on the back with a little flourish under it. Thad traces the curly line a few times, then works his finger under the flap and tears it open.

Thad,

Here is what the family agreed on yesterday.

For now, our promise about your powers stands, but we will work on a solution possibly involving giving you an artificial lightning rod. If we find you a trustworthy adult and limit your powers appropriately, we will let you live with that adult instead of with us.

If you don’t want to do it, we will not force you to go through the procedure, but it might take a while for us to build up trust with each other to the point where you can live on your own or with a non-speedster.

We will get you properly documented. You can go to an online college or be homeschooled if we can’t find you a host this year.

Love,

Max

Thad stares at the letter until the words stop making sense. They’re really doing this? Letting him escape their legacy with no punishment for what he’s done?

He slides the letter back into the envelope and puts it in the pocket of Bart’s old vest. He has to remember to keep it close to him. He will not let this out of his possession until the Allens keep their promises.

That idea lasts until 7:23, when he lies down and accidentally crinkles the envelope. If the jacket was washed with the letter inside, it would be destroyed. And right now, Thad’s not confident enough in his mind to assume he’ll remember to transfer the letter every time.

Hm. He’s never had to manage an important item before, other than the Inertia suit. Normally he’d entrust the physical items to CRAYDL, but CRAYDL’s gone and with it most of Thad’s capacity to function. CRAYDL was the one who made sure he was healthy and protected their lair. CRAYDL would have taken care of the letter.

His chest aches.

No. Stop. He can’t think about CRAYDL right now. He has a letter to hide.

He can’t keep the letter in the room; that’s too obvious. Where’s available to Thad, if not the bedroom? Aha!

He goes to the kitchen and searches the cupboards until he finds a sandwich bag. He sticks the envelope in a bag and seals it. Now it’s waterproof. He goes outside and buries the envelope in the planter by the side of the house. Thad figures it’s all right; Max probably is “watching” him, so if he had an objection he’d have objected by now.

Thad goes to bed jittery. He dreads tomorrow, with its looming “discussion”. But he has a hysterical kind of exultation, too. He can’t believe he argued with the Allen family and won.

He wishes CRAYDL could have seen it.

The kitchen is empty and dark when he ventures out for breakfast. It’s cloudy outside, and no lights are on except for the oven light. For once, Thad has gotten up before breakfast is ready.

Thad goes to sit in his usual chair, but hesitates. The chair has its back to the hallway door, and he really doesn't feel like being startled today. But sitting in Max or Helen’s place is out of the question. He hates this open kitchen design. There’s nowhere to sit with your back to a wall. Unless… Max or Helen removed some of the cupboards since he lived here last, so…

Possessed by a mischievous impulse, Thad climbs onto the counter and sits cross-legged next to the microwave.

Max comes in, adjusting his vest, and turns the light on. Then he notices Thad and just… pauses.

Thad stares back solemnly.

“Good morning,” Max says blandly. “Are chairs too ‘retro’ for you today?”

“No, there are chairs in the future. I mean, I never actually used a real chair in the future, but no.”

“Six centuries and you never used a chair?”

“A real chair. I was almost always in virtual reality in the nutrient womb,” Thad explains seriously.

“Of course. I should have thought of that,” Max says, a shade too dryly.

He gets it! He understands! Thad grins at him. The corners of Max’s mouth quirk.

Max opens the oven. Warmth comes out, a rush of sweet-smelling warm air. Thad clambers off the counter and edges around Max to get closer to the heat. Max gets the oven mitts out and pulls out one of three pans of cinnamon rolls, not the store-bought kind that Helen got once for Thad-as-Bart but fat brown homemade ones.

“Can you put potholders on the table, please?”

Thad speeds over and opens the drawer for the potholders. There’s silverware in it.

“Corner cupboard.”

Thad locates the potholders, chooses one with a design of blueberries and two plain blue ones, puts them on the table, and returns to stand by the oven. Max sets the pans on the potholders and leaves the oven door open a crack.

“Here, warm your hands,” he says. “Like this.”

He puts his big creased-knuckled hands out above the oven door, palms down. Thad mimics him. Ohhh, it’s warm, and the oven has a nice glow to it. It’s mesmerising.

“This is the best part of baking,” Max’s deep voice rumbles from beside him.

Thad keeps staring into the oven.

“Yeah… it’s nice… I wouldn’t have guessed you thought that, though. You keep the house so cold.”

“Ah. I’ll turn the thermostat up. It’s no problem.”

Thad shrugs.

“So. Discussion. Get it over with. I want to enjoy the cinnamon rolls.”

“I don’t have anything specific in mind,” Max says.

Seriously? Thad scoffs.

“Maybe you still get away with being all vague with Bart, but I’m not taking it. Don’t lie to me. What were you going to say last night?”

“Well… I was going to tell you that… it doesn't change my love for you, that you have no lightning rod. I love you just the same.”

Oh. Max seems sincere, but Thad doesn't understand. How? Why?

But he’s tired of arguing.

“Okay.”

“Thad, listen. I love you. Unconditionally. Understand?”

Thad closes his eyes, feels the dissipating heat of the oven on his eyelids. Max stays silent, waiting. Max is patient as a rock, and the cinnamon rolls smell so good. He wants to just say yes and eat breakfast, but he has to know if Max is lying.

He says, “Would you kill me, if you had to?”

“Thad…” Max sighs, disturbing the air, and a puff of heat billows up into Thad’s face. “If I absolutely had to put you down to save lives, I probably would, the same way I’d do that for Jay or Wally. But no matter what you did, I would still love you. Always. That’s what unconditional means.”

“Good,” Thad says.

Max nods.

“Let’s have breakfast.”

As they move to the table, Max says, “You’re a good kid.”

He’s not. But maybe someday. Maybe he’ll be more like one, at least.

“…thanks.”

They eat quietly. The cinnamon rolls are incredible, and they get better when Helen comes in for her lunch hour and laughs at them for forgetting the frosting, then makes enough to share. As they’re cleaning up, Helen says, “Thad?”

He closes the dishwasher. “Yes?”

“If you’re feeling up to going out today, the thrift store is having a sale.”

That could be good. Thad would certainly like to get out of Bart’s old clothes. Absent-mindedly, Thad watches Helen finish sweeping the floor and come over to the dishwasher to hang up the broom.

And Helen leans down and kisses his forehead.

Then she says something, like it was nothing, the kiss. Her lips were on his forehead, dry and warm. She kissed him. She kissed him between his eyebrows like he was a cat.

Thad wants to be a cat and have kisses on his forehead forever.

Helen says, “Thad?”

He blinks.

“Uh, sorry. What?”

Helen smiles. “I could drop you and Max off at the thrift store and pick you up in about three hours when I come home. Would you like to do that, or are you too tired today?”

“I’m fine.”

Thad feels a vicious kind of joy at putting on Bart’s leather jacket to go out. This is the last time he’ll ever put it on. He hunches his shoulders happily against the wind as they go to the car. Never again will Bart’s jacket protect him from the wind. Never again will Bart’s jacket squeak against the leather of Helen’s car’s seats. He should have agreed to go thrift shopping days ago. He steps out of the car with a grin that feels manic even to him and makes Helen chuckle.

Being inside the thrift store, a big rectangular building called Stuff and Nonsense, is decidedly less thrilling. Apparently it’s much busier than normal because of the sale; Thad sticks close to Max and listens carefully to his explanation of thrift shopping.

There’s racks of pants all in rows, and racks of shirts and sweater-type things, arranged by size and then by color, light to dark, a logical arrangement. The orange tags are half off, but he can try anything he likes. If he sees something in his size that he likes, take it and hold it or give it to Max. Once their arms get full, they’ll make their way to the dressing rooms and Thad will try on the clothes, keeping the ones that fit.

Max leads Thad to the pants first, “the boring part,” Max says. Thad is surprised to find literally half of the pants section dedicated to jeans; Bart’s wardrobe had fewer jeans, proportionately. Maybe Bart’s genetics played some part in that, because it only takes a few touches for Thad to decide that these jeans are out of the question. They’re scratchy and stiff and make his whole body feel shivery and wrong.

Thad tries to explain, and Max seems to understand. “Ah,” he says. “You’re sensitive to texture. That explains why you wore such a limited selection of clothing when you were with us before. I wondered about that.”

Another way that Thad is unlike Bart, then. Good.

Thad picks out some formal pants, then some soft shorts. His and Max’s arms fill up quickly; they make a trip to the dressing rooms, small enclosed rooms which remind Thad of his lair. There’s a mirror. Thad changes back into Bart’s pants reluctantly and follows Max to “the fun part”, shirts and sweaters.

The shirts start with the light warm colors, white and yellow and bright pinks and oranges and reds. Max and Thad exchange looks and move on to the cool and dark colors immediately.

Thad hesitates over the greens. He likes the camouflage pattern one all right, but the texture is like blue jeans. The t-shirts could be good. They’re very soft. But t-shirts are so… childish. How is Thad supposed to pass as a college student in a t-shirt? The plaid and the button-downs are better, style-wise, but the first one he touches is fuzzy and scratchy and the next is all stiff. Oh—but here’s a good one, a yellow-green plaid shirt that’s stretchy and soft without being fuzzy. There’s another good button-down further on, a sea-green one with pockets, and a plain grey with a little white seagull logo, and then a gorgeous deep purple button-down with black buttons. Thad laughs in delight and holds it up to Max, who smiles with such fondness that Thad loses whatever he was going to say and turns hastily back to the shirts.

He finds two more plaid shirts, then a t-shirt he makes an exception for because it’s plain black and therefore respectable. Then he picks up a black button-down and disturbs a hitherto hidden sweater. It’s a blue so light he thought it was white for a moment, tucked among a field of black as it is. He picks it up, frowning. Something about it is familiar.

Max says, “That’s odd.”

“Yes…” Thad murmurs.

He takes a closer look. The seams are sewn in white thread, not blue. Oh!

Thad stands on his tiptoes to whisper, “It’s your color, Max! It’s your lightning!”

Max’s eyebrows lift in recognition. Thad tucks the lightning sweater securely into the crook of his elbow and keeps searching.

#Helen my beloved #I imagine Thad would be texture-sensitive #he was naked or in the Inertia suit for six hundred years.#Tell me the boy would be okay with scratchy fabrics I dare you.#oh also:#Thad @ any sign of affection: :O #thad.exe has crashed please restart #The Strange Redemption of Thaddeus Thawne #Thad Thawne #Thaddeus Thawne #Max Mercury #Max Crandall #Helen Claiborne #flashfam #updates on Thursdays

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transhoverfish · 4 years

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What are everyone's "abilities" in Survivors? Ryley has good hearing and Milo glows but what do the others have?

!!! YOU HAVE ASKED ME ABOUT MY AU !!! THE FLOODGATES OF YELLING HAVE OPENED!!

OK SO. as u mentioned ryley has good hearing and milo glows. basically,

ryley = good hearing

milo = glowy boy

emily = electric detection (cooler than i describe rn my vocabulary is small)

danby = like emily's but reverse. controls electromagnetic things

roman = night vision

jochi = the most superpower like one, he got quick regeneration.

avery = telepathy!

bart = also kind of telepathy but more like future telepathy. he has future vision.

and i. never thought of one for ozzy actually and at this point i have no idea what to give them that wouldn't have been brought up prior so. u know genetics are weird! they just dont have anything ig. nobody look at me LABDKABDLABD

AND ALSO paul and marg have powers! paul got that peeper enzyme carrier thing, and marg got the very funny power of feeling others emotions. yes that includes the fish. yes this is one of the primary reasons she didnt kill paul over a decade of dealing w him. yes she hates it.

and the vesper haven't been sick long enough to develop anything! or at least thats what im going with bc i havent thought of anything for them yet 😔

AND NOW: LONGER EXPLANATIONS. IM GONNA GET CARRIED AWAY SO ITS UNDER A READ-MORE.

first off on the list: bart! so bart.. kinda has futuristic visions?? but the things he sees are not set in the stone,, as in if he dreams about smth (a lot like ryley can!) it is possible to change those events! most of these visions/telepathy type stuff were bc of the emperor and warpers, and also al-an! once the sea emp died and the warpers all calmed down his powers kind of go away a bit. i think i wrote al-an sort of mentioning it in one chap of awa?? but its only kind of implied. so he has rlly similar powers to avery except he can't tell what others are thinking and he can only kind of tell how his closest friends r feeling. so right now bart pretty much doesn't have powers! he can communicate w the warpers and sea emps much easier than the others tho (he's the only one that can talk to warpers! im not sure he'd get along w them after being hunted down by them for like 12 years though KABDLSBRLSHD)

avery has telepathy! this is because when he first shows up he jokes about having telepathy and i was like "haha. WAIT." and then he got telepathy! i realize its a bad idea to not come up with their powers until as im writing but uhhh well. i never said i was a fantastic writer who's smart. KANROSHROSBF.

he also kind of had marg's empathy ability but wayyy dialed back. he can only tell how other humans are feeling and he can only vaguely understand it as opposed to feeling the emotions himself like marg does. so he can kind of tell how others are feeling and he can tell what theyre thinking about! unless of course for plot convince he can't. strong emotions, especially strong negative emotions (ie. fear) can overwhelm him and makes his powers stop working. and if someone is convinced they're right then he wont b able to tell they're lying/hiding something! yay plot convenience!!

roman has night vision. i have no way of making this sound cool he just straight up can see really well in the dark. like a cat. most of the powers were based off where they originally landed and what would help them in that area! and roman landed in the sparse reef, which is so dark all the time i cry thinking about it. so he has night vision! his poor eyesight is probably all kinds of fucked up now tho.

jochi has regeneration abilities! now i know this might sound a bit much but he just heals from cuts and stuff faster and like. he bones heal fast. and he's more likely to survive smth that might usually kill someone, but its like a 10% higher chance of living nothing too much. he doesn't rlly get scars as much as the others, and its healed his old ones a bit more! this is by far the most unrealistic power of them all, but ya know its alien fish planet game who cares. basically bc his life support systems failed his spine got all fucked up and he got infected faster bc he was barely alive for the first few days and spent a lot of time w bart who was looking after him. power helped fix his back, but he still has a rlly bad limp and pretty much constant pain. big mood there khasar 😔✊

emily can detect electromagnetic waves! works best underwater. kind of like ryley's, but instead of hearing noises she can only hear anything electric, like vehicles or ampeels or heartbeats. gets all fucked up during thunderstorms though sadly. she's the only other one that can kind of hear warpers and can tell when ones about to warp around but she cant actually talk back to them. pretty sick if u ask me tho.

danby has p similar powers to her bc ampeels also spawn in the bulb zone. except he can sense them at a much smaller distance, cant hear warpers, and can control the waves around him! mostly just his own tho. so like, he can quiet his heartbeat or make it stop all together. scary power that he does not know how to control. uh oh. but he can also control other creatures a bit! he's very good at hiding bc of this, which is nice bc he loves to hide from scary things. very big mood once again.

milo is glowing powers! looks a lot like the transparency of a ghost levi or a crabsquid, although he isn't as see through as them. you can def make out like veins but not bones or organs. his powers are activated by touch, the more force behind will create more glow and more transparency! a poke = goes away within a few seconds, a slap = stays for a minute or so. instead of bruises, he just glows until the bruise would normally go away. he's basically a living glowstick. i have another joke for this but i cannot physically convince myself to type it bc its some shit emily would say to him and i cannot embarrass him like that LABDLABDKABAKD

andd ryley's super hearing! can hear basically everything within a mile radius at all times. im bad at math and i don't know the metric system but i think that's like around 1k meters. wait does the metric system use mile already. no. ONCE AGAIN NEVER SAID I WAS SMART.

OK ANYWAYS back on track! this means he can hear about half of the crater at all times. he's gotten p good at blocking out background noise and anything far away. typically only hears everything within like 300 meters of himself. so when he does get back to just hearing everything its like. u ever take out headphones in a busy place and everything kinda hurts for a few seconds bc its so much noise. yeah like that but 500x worse. he's able to concentrate on specific areas within this 1 mile field but if its far away it fucks him up good for a lil while. sorry ryley :(

and then the other two degasi! as mentioned before, paul can carry enzyme like the peepers, but he also can kind of make some himself! only small amounts and it works a bit less than the peeper enzyme does. he does not have to cough it up though thankfully it just like. idk how to describe this idea it can just kind of leave through his skin?? he has like no control over his power at all it just kind does its own thing and he deals w it. this is primarily how he and marg survive for so long w/o dying to kharra!

and finally marguerit! highly empathetic abilities that allow her to feel the emotions of anything around her! i thought it would be funny as hell to give MARGUERIT of all ppl Big Emotion Disease. this is a big reason why she has had yet to murder paul and why she's a lot less murderer like in the au. its hard to kill someone if you. you know. can feel exactly what they are. probably the reason she adopted Dog Bart/Legally Preston Emotionally Not. saw sad puppy and felt too bad to leave him. like paul, she has basically no control over it and is one of the reasons she does NOT want to go back to the survivors base and be around so many other ppl, she'd be feeling like, 13 ppl's emotions at one time. all these powers have fucked up drawbacks dont they??

once again sam, robin, jeff, maxim, and ozzy are (for now at least) not gonna have any powers! mutations are weird and ozzy just didn't get anything, and the vesper haven't been sick long enough for any yet!

OK THATS ALL. HOLY SHIT SORRY FOR YELLING FOR 15 MINUTES. GOT CARRIED AWAY. hopefully that explains everything tho OABEOABROANRJS OK BYE MY PHONE IS ALMOST DEAD

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pascalls · 4 years

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Gazebo of Horrors

Charlie enjoys a Halloween night with the regulars from the bar, solidifying the holiday as his favorite for a number of reasons.

Feat. Lisa, Lenny, Carl, Moe, Barney, Sam, and Larry

Author’s Note: This one’s gay.

---------------

Charlie couldn’t remember the last time he had a decent night’s sleep. Twisting and turning in his sleeping spot, he was uncomfortably warm. Trapped in the middle of a nightmare, Charlie felt sweat bead at his forehead and the sound of someone giving chase. He ran, unable to outpace whatever it was that was at his heels, sharp, pointed ends of something metallic scraping the concrete as it jabbed at his tail. Only when he turned did he realize that whatever it was looked a lot like Ned Flanders…

He awoke with a start as a clang on the metal outside of his impromptu napping place broke him from his fitful slumber. He sat up, only just pausing before hitting his head on the plastic ‘roof’. Reaching up, he pushed it up and away, peering out and ready to shoot a glare at whoever happened to interrupt his rest when he noticed that it was already evening. Blinking away the remainder of his sleep, he weighed his options. Go back to sleep until morning? Slink out and back to Lovejoy’s before his absence was noticed?

“Nurse Walker?”

The voice startled him slightly as he turned, spying the familiar face of Lisa Simpson who seemed to be staring at him quizzically. As if he’d grown another head.

“Were you… sleeping in there?” She asked, pointing at the metal dumpster that Charlie had emerged from. Astute as ever, he thought.

“...I might’ve been,” he replied, about to come up with some sort of excuse for why he’d chosen such a place to hide away and nap, but she provided a fantastic distraction as he took in what she was wearing. Definitely not her usual outfit. “...What are you wearing?”

“Oh!” Lisa grinned with enthusiasm, spreading her arms out and doing a little twirl to show off her clothes; a purple dress with yellow flowers in her hair and a small veil-like addition trailing behind her. “I’m Ada Lovelace! The first ever computer programmer. She was an English mathematician who totally blew Charles Babbage away by utilizing his Analytical Engine in ways he never even thought of.”

The information sailed right over Charlie’s head, but as he leaned out of his dumpster bed, he watched her with a little smile. Ah, she would go places. Hopefully not into a dumpster like him. But as she spoke, his brain began to putter back to life. Wait. Costume? He glanced down to her hands which held a bag that had to have been half full by then. Full of candy?

His attention drifted to the nearby street as he noted that Lisa was not the only one in unusual garb. Nearby, he heard the telltale voices of Bart, Milhouse, and yes, even Nelson as they presumably trailed along ahead of Lisa. And it was about then that he realized - Oh.

“...It’s Halloween,” he said, interrupting Lisa’s drawn out explanation of said ‘analytical engine’ and how tragic it was that Lovelace had died at such a young age. Though she was a little frustrated at having been cut off, she responded with a nod.

“Yeah. Are you gonna dress up as anything?”

Charlie blinked down at her once or twice. Thinking that over. Well. No. Because he hadn’t even remembered that Halloween was a thing. Until just now. But thinking that through even further, Charlie recognized that he dressed up like it was Halloween every damn day. Which meant that… Maybe… Just maybe…

“...No!” He proclaimed, taking a moment to get his legs under him to spring himself out of the dumpster, landing with a rather pleased expression on his face next to Lisa. “For once, I am not dressing up as a damn thing!”

“Huh. I guess you don’t have to!” Lisa said as she looked him over with a little smile. “It’s like you have a built in costume.”

“For once, being a terrible, horrible abomination to society is going to pay off, my intelligent little friend.” Reaching down, he gave her a gentle pat on the head and then nudged her in the direction of her brother’s fading voice. “Go on! I’m gonna find some trouble to get up to while I have the damn chance, for once.”

Lisa didn’t argue. And she made a mental note to herself to not tell anyone that she’d found the normally downtrodden nurse holed up in the trash. He… probably didn’t need that floating around about him. So she gave him a little wave before running after the others, calling for them to wait for her.

Charlie, meanwhile, was rooted to the spot as his mind raced with possibilities. He could do… SO MUCH now. He could go to the store. He could see a movie. He could just WALK AROUND. And nobody would give a second thought about it! For the briefest of moments, he felt… powerful. He could do anything he wanted-

A nearby screech of tires nearly made him jump back and away from the street as the ugly pink sedan that Charlie instantly recognized as Homer’s came to a stop in front of him. The man himself leaned out from the driver’s seat, grinning widely at Charlie as he called out.

“Hey NURSE! Nice rabbit costume!” Homer yelled. It was clear he’d already had a drink or two, but so had the other six men that were crammed both inside and on the roof of the car. The bar must have been closed, as Charlie noted that the regulars were accompanying Homer on his Halloween joy ride. Lenny, Carl, and Moe sat on the car’s roof, hastily hanging on - presumably, for dear life whenever Homer started driving again - while Barney, Sam, and Larry were crammed inside. Each of them had their own drink in hand and Charlie could hear the clatter of more cans along the car’s floor. They had gotten an early start on the drinking, apparently.

“Hey Charlie! We’re drivin’ down to Flanders’ to egg his house and knock over his mailbox,” Moe called down to the hybrid.

“Remind me why we’re doin’ that?” Carl asked, shaking the can in its hand to check its content level. He would need another one soon.

“Be-CAUSE, it’s FLANDERS,” Homer grunted from the front seat. “What more reason do you need???”

“Can’t argue with that!” Lenny had no objections, apparently. And neither did anyone else. Least of all, Charlie.

“Hell yes, I do. Open one of those things for me, will you?” Charlie said with delight as he hopped over, pleased that none of the men seemed to give two shits as to what he looked like as he clambered up and onto the roof of the sedan. In fact, he wasn’t the only one in the festive mood. Homer had made an attempt at being some kind of vampire, but had apparently given up halfway, tying a black shirt around his neck as a cape and smearing what looked like red jelly around his mouth. Lenny and Carl had swapped outfits, Moe would later on describe his usual attire as being ‘the scariest thing you could see in 2020’, and Barney had simply taken a shower and put on a different shirt. A frightening prospect. Larry did not seem to get the costume memo and Sam had mostly his usual attire, except his overshirt shirt was a red checkered plaid pattern instead in a relatively lazy impromptu lumberjack look.

Charlie felt as though he fit right in, tipping back his head as he downed his first beer and digging his claws into the roof of the car as Homer drove off towards Ned’s.

As the night went on and Homer’s merry gang of troublemakers stirred up more than enough chaos to fill several Halloween nights with, Charlie found himself laughing, yelling, and being raucous right along with them. There was no shortage of eggs thrown, toilet paper left in the branches of overhanging trees, nor did he turn down the candy they’d nabbed from some of the neighborhood bullies. Charlie considered it teaching them a lesson. They’d live. And while he didn’t normally imagine that he’d pal around with Moe’s regulars to this extent, he had a hard time convincing himself that he wasn’t having more fun than he’d had in ages. At one point, he could have sworn that they passed both the reverend and his wife. What he wouldn’t give to see if Tim had noticed that he was not interested in coming home on time that night...

By the time they’d finished their route around Springfield - and Homer was too drunk to keep driving and not smash into something along the way - the men abandoned the pink carriage in favor of staggering into the nearest park gazebo to lounge around, finish as many of their remaining cans of beer as they could, and generally be a public nuisance. Luckily, they weren’t the only ones out and about, which meant that Chief Wiggum was not likely to break up their after party. Which was just as well. Charlie didn’t need any reason for him to have to return to Lovejoy’s tonight. Nah. He was having way too much fun, even in the sleepy drunken haze that threatened to overtake him as the clock neared midnight.

“I didn’t expect you to actually loosen up like that.”

Charlie glanced up from his tenth - or eleventh? - beer, locking eyes with Sam who had staggered over to sit on the steps of the gazebo next to Charlie. Inhibitions gone, Charlie didn’t mind the company. Lenny and Carl were not far away, but seemed to be discussing whether or not a uranium rod would float if placed delicately in a vat of beer. Homer had passed out about ten minutes prior, and Moe, Barney, and Larry were arguing over who had rights to the last few beers in the cooler.

“I’d forgotten about Halloween,” Charlie replied with a little smile. “The one night where I don’t have to dress up like some kinda… freak.” He sipped at his beer, not bothered by the terminology at the moment. Might be if he were at all sober. But with his head floating pleasantly, he didn’t mind being a little brazen and honest.

“I bet if you just decided t’say screw it one day, nobody would even notice,” Sam continued, pointing at Charlie with the hand that still held his own beer which was nearing empty.

“Uh-huh. Then I get thrown into the zoo with the crocodiles and you gotta visit me and bring me booze before I go fuckin’ crazy, right?” Charlie shook his head, but he was amused at the thought.

“I got plenty to spare.” Sam smirked, shaking his can a little and listening to the liquid slosh back and forth.

“Aw. You’re sweet.” Charlie brought a hand up to his chest in a fake swoon. “Didn’t know you liked me that much.”

Sam laughed, a low, somewhat gravely sound that made Charlie’s ears twitch with interest. They were one step ahead of his brain which was only just registering that… they might have been flirting. And, now that he recalled… it probably wasn’t the first time. The hybrid had been coming to Moe’s on several nights of the week now, staying out late and risking the reverend’s ire while keeping company with the regulars. And more often than not, Sam was included. While he was moderately amused by Homer, Lenny, and Carl’s general conversations that they had, the three jokers hardly caught his attention. Larry still didn’t speak much, and he wasn’t even going to pretend that Barney was ever good for more than a belch or two before he was sufficiently out for the count.

But on more than one occasion, Charlie lingered behind with Sam. Sometimes not saying much. Just staring absently at the television above the bar. Maybe swapping stories here and there about Sam’s time on the road or Charlie’s general complaints about both Skinner and Chalmers or the Wiggum boy’s predisposition to sticking sharp objects where he shouldn’t.

On any other night, Charlie might not have given it much thought. It was dangerous to get too wrapped up in a person. Like he had with Lovejoy. Like he’d stumbled into with Chalmers. Neither of which seemed to give him the feedback he was looking for. And on any other night, that fear might have kept him from going down that same path. But as he listened to Sam’s laugh which made his own mouth tilt upwards into a smile… Well… he couldn’t help it. They were already sitting so close and… Charlie’s head was already spinning and he swore he probably smelled like beer, cigarettes, and maybe eggs, but…

The liquid courage was not one to be ignored. He held his breath and leaned forward, catching Sam’s lips with his own in a soft, but purposeful kiss. He willed himself to not pay attention to anything - except maybe the faint sound of blaring music somewhere off in the distance - hoping against hope that he was not going to be pushed away.

And he wasn’t.

But he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing either.

He broke the kiss after a moment or two, pulling back as his ears pinned themselves against his hair and he let out a little nervous laugh. Sam’s expression was unreadable. Clearly, he’d been caught off guard, staring at Charlie in surprise and… the hybrid didn’t know what else. But even in his drunken state, his heart pounded with fear and he glanced away.

“Sorry. Uh. Forget that happened. I have had… woof. One too many… hah…”

His feet wanted him to run, but with so much alcohol in his system, he doubted he would get very far before tripping over his own tail. So there he sat, pointedly looking away and off into the distance, rubbing at his face in exasperation at his own stupid, desperate antics. His chest felt like it was about to burst with anxiety and embarrassment. Christ. He could only hope that Sam was drunk enough to write it off as a figment of his imagination in the morning when they both woke up in their respective beds and pretended that nothing ever happened.

“WELL! I should… go,” Charlie began, finishing off his beer and crushing the can in his claws before tossing it aside. About to get to his feet when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Freezing, he felt the color drain from his face. Oh no. This was the part, wasn’t it. Where his other secret was going to be touted in front of the other men like some kind of hard-won prize. Where he realized that Sam was just another moron in Springfield deadset on making him feel like an absolute freak. Where he was reminded that his decision-making was so incredibly poor that only he could have made the wrong choice three times in a row.

Anger bubbled up somewhere in the back of his throat, but before he could bristle and snap in defense, he was spun back to face Sam, caught by surprise as the man’s mouth met his own once again, this time of his own volition. Confusion replaced the anger that threatened to rise, a little sound of alarm only just being squelched by his steady realization that… He had been wrong.

They were both drunk, but Charlie shoved the thought to the side as he closed his eyes, suddenly drifting along a sea of contentment as he allowed himself to be pulled into that second kiss. He forgot that Lenny and Carl were sitting just on the other side of the gazebo. He forgot that Moe and the others were not far either. He forgot that he was kissing another man. He forgot… everything. Everything but the feeling of Sam’s lips on his own. They were warm and tasted like Duff, but so did his own. Charlie almost laughed as their glasses clacked gently against each other, but he didn’t care about that either. It was Halloween night and he felt like a giddy teenager, his claws brushing along the steps of the gazebo until they found Sam’s fingers, intertwining their pinkies together as they’d done to seal their promise to not dampen Moe’s spirits.

Sam didn’t seem to mind, too wrapped up in the kiss just the same. Until they parted and Charlie let himself breath. He was red in the face, he was sure. But he would try to play it off like it was just the beer. Yeah. That’s all it was.

“...You don’t gotta go if you don’t want to,” Sam finally said, his own beer all but forgotten to the side. He was a bit flushed himself, but he seemed to manage it a lot better than Charlie did.

“...You don’t think we’ve gotten up to enough troublemaking tonight, huh?” The hybrid replied in kind, unable to disguise the little grin on his face.

“Nah. It ain’t even that late yet.”

Sam got to his feet, offering his hand to pull Charlie up along with him. His tail helped him maintain his balance, even as the world tilted and shifted beneath his feet. Wow. He really was drunk. Or… maybe it had just been the kiss. Either way, he was feeling ridiculously topsy turvy just then. And the welcoming smile on Sam’s face certainly didn’t help. Wow.

Maybe he hadn’t really been fake swooning after all.

“Lead the way,” Charlie prompted, keep himself at the other man’s side with a delighted little rumble of a purr that he did his best to keep to himself. It was difficult. And as they drifted away from the park and back into the street, he absently wished that Halloween was not a once-a-year deal.

When they’d left, Lenny and Carl found themselves staring after the two, still nursing their own beers and watching in a bit of a drunken stupor.

“Did we really just see that?” Carl asked, glancing up at his companion, baffled.

“I think so. Why don’t you ever do that with me?” Lenny replied as he sat atop the railing of the gazebo, his words slurred in his mild outrage.

“Aw shut up,” Carl said, focusing back on his beer.

He made a mental note to shove Lenny off of the railing before the night was over with.

#tj writes #simpsona #oc #I did not proof read this #I also didn't know what to title it so you get that

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dreaming-of-the-arcana · 5 years

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If your fave is X, you’ll love Y! TV Shows

Asra

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency

Magical hijinks, friendship, and just a touch of mystery, this list describes both Asra and Dirk Gently. This is a detective show that’s about more than the mystery (although that’s certainly a focus), it’s also about budding new friendships, comedy, and a strange woman named Bart who’ll most definitely steal your heart (unless she kills you first.) So much story and chararacter development and laughter and tears is packed into just two seasons, and I guarantee you’ll be wishing for twenty more. There’s canon LGBT characters, which we always love, as well as a main character who’s a WOC. Note: this show is based on books of the same name; I haven’t read them but I imagine they’re just as fab.

Julian

iZombie

This is my favourite show on the entire planet, so would recommend it to everybody, but especially Julian fans! Meet Liv Moore, an intelligent doctor who’s starting her highly successful career in medicine! Well, at least she was, until she was turned into a zombie. Now she’s depressed and works in a morgue so that she can acquire brains without killing anybody, so her life isn’t going great. But don’t worry! Life always has its ups and downs, even if you’re technically dead. The medical connection is what originally made me match up Julian and iZombie, but when writing this I realised there’s more than that! Julian is adventurous and dramatic and silly, and the show is often that, as Liv takes on the personality of the person who’s brain she eats. This turns into some ridiculous situations which I think Julian fans would just love to laugh at.

Nadia

The Good Place

Do you want to feel like you’re learning while you’re binging Netflix? Then The Good Place is for you! Eleanor Shellstrop just made it into the Good Place (basically heaven), fantastic! Except, wait- she’s not meant to be there. There’s been a mix up, a mistake, but she absolutely cannot let anybody find out. Luckily, her false soulmate is a moral philosophy professor, so he teachers her, and us, how to be a better person. While Nadia fans are certainly not snobs, I think they would like a little bit of sophistication in their shows, and what’s more sophisticated than learning about Immanuel Kant? The educational portions of the show are not at all preachy, and are wrapped so deeply in comedy and emotional scenes that’ll rip your heart to shreds then put it back together. You won’t even know that you’re learning, which is truly the best sort of education.

Portia

Nailed it!

Honestly, there isn’t much to say about this show! It’s a cooking show where total amateurs attempt to replicate amazing cakes, and it is possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever watched in my life. The hosts are also super funny, and it’s just a nice watch! If you’ve had a hard day, then stick on an episode while you’re wrapped in a blanket and drinking hot chocolate. You’ll feel much better soon, or you can have your money back, guaranteed. I like to imagine Portia and the apprentice trying their hardest to bake the cakes they see on the show, and turning it into a mini competition of their own. The winner gets a million kisses from the other! (Or as close to that amount as humanly possible.)

Muriel

Hannibal

Okay, I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right, this does seem like an odd choice! But just hear me out.

A) I think Muriel fans will appreciate the cooking scenes that go on! If there’s anything that Muriel is good at, it’s making a hearty stew, so I think you foodies will enjoy those scenes.

B) Will has lots of inner conflict going on, much like Muriel. Of course, the circumstances are slightly different. Muriel is ashamed of his gladiator past, and Will struggles with the fact that he can think like serial killers can, but still! The emotions are largely the same

C) I think part of Muriel’s charm is that you have to work out who he is, and watch as his personality unfurls, slowly. We’re doing the same with Hannibal throughout the course of the show, and I’m still not entire sure I’ve got him puzzled out.

Lucio

You

Don’t we all love a bit of romance? Especially when that romance is in no way romantic and is actually a deep dive into the scariest relationship you could ever have! I always assume that Lucio fans like to have a villain as a protogainist, and that’s the case here. Joe Goldberg is a sweet, sensitive guy, who just can’t help that he loves too deeply. Sure, his love causes him to stalk his girlfriend and kill anybody who gets in his way, but that’s okay, right? That’s normal? ...Maybe not, but that certainly won’t stop Joe! This show is one adrenaline rush to the next, until eventually everything comes together in the climax. You’ll constantly be flipping between viewing Joe as a complete villain or just some misunderstood guy, which is also how some of us view Lucio, so it’s a good watch for Lucio lovers!

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hellosaltysaladcollectionstuff · 4 years

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In the '80s and '90s, a lot of things were turned into cartoons. We saw a long list of animated shows based on live-action movies and more than a few that existed simply to sell toys. One interesting subgenre you might not remember, though, is when an animated series would age down an established set of fictional characters. All of a sudden, characters you were used to seeing as adults were portrayed as children on another show.

It happened more often than you may think and, honestly, some of the properties that did this to squeeze a little extra money out of their intellectual property may surprise you. At the end of the day, they all had something that made them entertaining enough to stick to the back of our minds.

Let's jump in the time machine and revisit 18 of the absolute best animated shows that age-flipped characters you knew and love--and maybe a couple you were downright terrified of. Also, make sure to check out our list of movies that were based on beloved cartoons. He-Man, eat your heart out.

1. The Tom and Jerry Kids Show

It's not that Tom and Jerry Kids was a bad show, it was actually pretty good. However, the most memorable thing about it is its fantastic theme song. The series also included a kid version of Droopy Dog, in addition to little Tom and Jerry.

2. Muppet Babies

This is easily the most beloved and iconic example of this trend. Jim Henson's Muppets were portrayed as babies when they became a cartoon--complete with onesies, baby talk, and a parental figure named Nanny that was only ever shown from the legs down. Muppet Babies is hands-down one of the best cartoons of the 1980s. What's more, the recent reboot on Disney Channel is also quite fun, even if it doesn't cast tiny versions of your favorite Muppets in movie franchises like Star Wars and Indiana Jones.

3. A Pup Named Scooby-Doo

This was another show with a very memorable theme, though it's a confusing one. A Pup Named Scooby-Doo first debuted in 1988, and yet its theme sounds like a doo-wop song from the '50s. Regardless, this show is a blast as a young Scooby gang hunts monsters and solves mysteries, and of course, feeds the titular dog Scooby Snacks to keep him motivated.

4. Flintstone Kids

Flintstone Kids was good, but what makes this entry on the list special is the show-within-the-show. Captain Caveman and Son were shorts that aired as part of Flintstone Kids. Originally, Captain Caveman was a character that debuted in the 1977 animated series Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels. On Flintstone Kids, he teamed with his son Cavey Jr. to fight the forces of evil. As for the little Flintstone gang themselves, that part of the show was also very fun, though you might remember it most for the public service announcements that aired during the episodes.

5. Tiny Toon Adventures

This one is, admittedly, a bit of a cheat. The kids on Tiny Toons weren't actually the kid versions of Bugs, Daffy, Taz, and the rest of the gang. It doesn't get much closer, though. Baby and Buster were clearly a younger take on the different sides of Bugs Bunny, while Plucky Duck has Daffy's temper, Dizzy was the spitting image of Taz, and Hampton was so close to Porky Pig it was scary. What's more, sometimes the classic Looney Tunes characters made appearances on Tiny Toons, seeing them team up with their younger proteges.

6. James Bond Jr.

This is another one that sort of works, but only if you stretch the premise a bit. James Bond Jr. was the nephew of James Bond and a spy-in-training and, along with his prep school friends, was fighting the forces of evil just like his infamous uncle. What you may not know, though, is James Bond Jr. has his own novels. The Adventures of James Bond Junior 003½ was first released in 1967, written by an author under the pseudonym R. D. Mascott. Interestingly, the actual author of the book has never been officially revealed, though several names have been theorized.

7. Baby Looney Tunes

First debuting in 2001, this is a much newer series than Tiny Toons. What's more, it actually delivers what you might have been looking for in that show--this is the actual Looney Tunes characters as babies, in case the title of the series didn't hint at it enough. This series essentially Muppet Babies, but with Bugs Bunny and friends. What's not to love?

8. Yo Yogi!

If you've actually heard of this one, congratulations. You're as nerdy as we are. Yo Yogi! debuted in 1991 and only lasted for 12 episodes. It was the most over-the-top version of the '90s you could expect, complete with a neon-colored makeover of Yogi's clothes. The series casts the bear and his pals--Boo-Boo, Snagglepuss, Huckleberry Hound, Cindy Bear--as 14-year-old crime fighters. What else would you expect these animated teen animals to be?

9. Jungle Cubs

Yes, Disney's The Jungle Book for the kid treatment, even though the main character in the movie is already a kid. This version doesn't feature Mowgli at all. Instead, the animals are all kids, living it up in the jungle. They aren't crime fighters of ghostbusters or anything like that. Instead, they're just friends hanging out. Oh, and we have to mention the theme song, a hip-hop version of "The Bare Necessities."

10. Clifford's Puppy Days

If you were a kid in the early-aughts, you might remember Clifford's Puppy Days. Before he was Clifford the Big Red Dog, he was Clifford the normal-sized puppy that wasn't a menace to keep and maintain.

11. The New Archies

Before Riverdale turned Archie and his friends into a Twin Peeks-flavored murder party of teenage angst, The New Archies made them little kids. The gang is in junior high and, well, not much else has changed. It lasted 13 episodes and was still the incredibly wholesome Archie Comics you knew back then before it went full-CW.

12. Sabrina: The Animated Series

The animated Sabrina series was a spin-off of the live-action version starring Melissa Joan Hart and featured the titular teen as a 12-year-old. She was still learning her magical ways and getting into all sorts of trouble with her spells. In this series, Sabrina is voiced by Hart's little sister, Emily Hart. However, the original Sabrina does play a role, voicing Sabrina's aunts Hilda and Zelda.

13. Camp WWE

What if WWE did its own take on South Park? That's Camp WWE, an animated series that's definitely meant for adults. All of your favorite WWE superstars, including "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, The Rock, and The Undertaker, are little kids at a summer camp run by Vince McMahon, his teen daughter Stephania, and her boyfriend Triple H? That's all you need to know about WWE. It pokes fun at WWE and professional wrestling as a whole, is filled with more adult language than you'd find on Raw or Smackdown, and it actually one of the most entertaining WWE Network originals.

14. Ewoks

Yes, this is real. There's honestly no telling how old the Ewoks are in Return of the Jedi. But who cares? In this Star Wars animated series, viewers follow a younger version of Wicket and his friends before the events of A New Hope and, for some reason, they speak English now. Originally, this series aired with the half-hour show Droids for The Ewoks and Droids Adventure Hour, otherwise known as the coolest one-hour block of TV you'll ever experience.

15. Iron Man: Armored Adventures

This is the most recent series on the list, but need to be pointed out. Iron Man: Armored Adventures followed Tony Stark as a teen Iron Man, alongside a similarly-aged Pepper Potts and Rhodey. If you thought Stark might have less of an ego as a teenager, guess again. Still, this take on Iron Man was entertaining and it managed to introduce a long list of popular Marvel characters--from Black Panther to MODOK.

16. The Mini-Monsters

So, The Mini-Monsters wasn't a show. It was, however, a segment within the animated series The Comic Strip. The segment featured the children of the classic Universal monsters, including Frankenstein's son Franky and the Invisible Man's son Blanko. It's utterly ridiculous, with a premise of a pair of siblings (one of which is voiced by Seth Green) being sent to a summer camp filled with the children of actual horror villains for a year. This is the oddest entry on the list, but one of the best.

17. The Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm Show

While this is a list of cartoons that turned adult characters into children, it didn't always work out that way. In some cases, the process goes backward, and this is a perfect example of that. On The Flintstones, Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm were the kids of Fred and Barney, respectively. That series ended in 1966, though, with The Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm Show following in 1971. In that series, the two titular characters were teenagers, attending high school together and starting a band. What was the band called, you ask? The Bedrock Rockers. This sequel series only lasted 16 episodes, but it remains a cool idea that most cartoons won't dare touch. Bart Simpson has been in elementary school for three decades, and chances are that won't be changing anytime soon.

18. All Grown Up

This series also aged up popular baby characters. All Grown Up revisited the world of Rugrats. This time, though, Tommy Pickles and his friends were preteens and had more fleshed out personalities. It lasted five seasons on Nickelodeon, airing between 2003 and 2008.

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jadekitty777 · 5 years

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An Older Brother’s Solemn Duty

So, this story honestly started out as a joke between me and a friend a few weeks ago when Ironqrow showed signs of possibly becoming canon. I brought up the thought of the two actually hooking up and what Taiyang would do if he found out and my conclusion was basically “he’d tease the hell out of Qrow”. This is that idea, expanded and more heartfelt, but also with a hearty dash of my brand of comedy.

I decided to write out the scenario into an actual ficlet as a gift for @lacependragon as a thank you to you for posting back up some of my favorite fics of yours at my request. I apologize it wasn’t finished sooner; I wanted it done by Monday but well. Life has not been particularly kind to me this week. Still, I hope you enjoy it.

Word Count: 2,900

Rating: M, for some suggestive language

Summary: During a mission briefing, Taiyang begins to suspect something is up with Qrow when he starts acting oddly out of character. He quickly discovers the reason behind it lies with the mission coordinator himself: James Ironwood.

Pairings: Ironqrow and mentions of past STR-Crossed

Ao3 Link: An Older Brother’s Solemn Duty

“Well this is…rustic.” Was Winter’s comment as Tai ushered everyone into the room. His daughter’s team, Team JNR, CFVY and SSSN, Oscar, Qrow, Ironwood and his many trusted operatives from Atlas including Penny, as well as Glynda, Bart and Pete all filed in.

“I do appreciate the accommodations Taiyang, but I was hoping we’d have a holograph at least.” James spoke up as everyone took a seat. The crowd was larger than his normal class size, so while most found desks to sit at, a few of them were stuck standing in the back.

“I have a projector from thirty years ago, if you have slides.” He waved towards the old, bulky gadget sitting atop one of the counters. It was old enough the plastic was discoloring where the device got hot, more of a sickly yellow than the beige it had been.

“Pass!” Yang voted.

“Miss Xiao Long, another outburst will earn you a detention.” Tai said in his best teacher voice. He caught her sticking her tongue out at him as he turned back to James. He waved to the rectangular box of whiteboard supplies he always kept on his desk. “If you prefer, I also have markers in fun colors.”

The uncomfortable look on the other man’s face was priceless. “I… suppose that will do.”

“Oh!” Penny zipped to their side. “Allow me, sir! It would be my pleasure to draw up the diagrams.”

James straightened up, more assured now. “Yes that would be helpful.”

She eagerly picked up the box, “Oh they are fun!” and got right to work at an inhuman speed.

Tai marveled at it. Her writing was robotically neat, easy and clear to read. The drawings were equally fantastic. “Any chance I can hire her as a TA?”

“I’m afraid allowing you to take one of my finest soldiers is out of the question. But I’d be happy to look into donating for updated supplies.” He probably meant it too!

“Certainly wouldn’t be unwelcome.” He pat his shoulder. “Floor’s yours, General.”

“Thank you.” James turned to the room, getting into his authoritative pose, shoulders straight and hands behind his back. “As you are all well aware, we’ve gathered here today to discuss our plan of attack on clearing out the Grimm at Beacon.”

As the man continued, Taiyang headed to the back of the classroom, making Ruby giggle when he ruffled her hair as he passed by. He joined Qrow in the back, sharing a smile with him. It was nice having his family back home, plus the small troop of friends they’d bought along. Many were using the guest rooms and living room floor for bed space and their excitable presence tended to liven up the nights. Though, he knew all of it was only temporary. He tried not to dwell on that bit, instead listening to the drone of James’ voice as he debriefed them on the operation.

“Once we’ve gotten in range, Qrow I’d like you to use your reconnaissance skills to scope out the Grimm species and get a rough estimate of their numbers. The most critical entry points are here, here and here.” James was drawing X’s on those spots. “Once you’re able to do so, reconvene with Taiyang here and report back to us-”

“Wait.” Qrow spoke up drawing the General up short. “Just Tai?”

He looked back at them. “Well, yes. Is that an issue?”

Curious as well, Tai glanced at his brother-in-law.

He appeared rather out of sorts, as if he were one of his students who had suddenly been called on to answer a question on the board but hadn’t studied the material. “Don’t you think we’re a little shorthanded?”

“Your teamwork has always been outstanding. And as you’re taking the West Entry which is notably much narrower, more bodies will only encumber you both. However, if you feel uncertain, I could have Clover-”

“Uh no, nevermind.” Qrow interjected hastily. “You can keep going.”

James eyeballed him, raising an eyebrow, but if he had another comment, he didn’t broach it, instead turning back to the board. “Now, Team JNR, I’d like you to-”

Subtle as he could, Tai lent over, whispering, “Everything alright?”

It was strange. Qrow had never put up a protest about them working together before. They’d been partnered at Beacon for maiden’s sake. Even odder was his request for more back-up. There weren’t many people the other man felt comfortable working alongside, too stressed his semblance would do something unforetold to them. The more people, the more potential injuries and causalities he’d end up feeling responsible for – whether they truly were his fault or not.

Tai knew he got a pass because his own semblance, the ability to create barriers, meant he could literally protect himself at a moment’s notice.

Or well, normally he got a pass.

But, whatever was going on in Qrow’s head, it seemed he wasn’t up to sharing as he shrugged it off. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

He frowned, but decided to drop it for now. Maybe he’d get him to open up about it at dinner.

The rest of the conference went off without a hitch and James finally dismissed them all roughly an hour and a half later. As the majority of the room cleared out, Tai caught snatches of conversation.

“So, you guys going to show us around?” Sun was opening the door with his tail, waving Yang and Ruby and their friends out like a gentleman.

“Tell me there’s a decent clothing store around here.” The leader of CFVY was mumbling as she got up from her seat to follow her team.

“Tai!” Bart’s voice caught his attention, the historian waving at him. “Perhaps we can get together tonight?”

He held up a hand in response. “Yeah sure! Come by around 8.” He headed to the front of the room.

James was talking with some of his troops. “Clover, you and Penny do one last calibrations check on the airships. I want to make absolutely certain that everything is in working order.”

“Of course sir. We’ll make sure nothing is missed.” He replied with a salute.

Taiyang studied the younger man curiously, remembering he’d been the one James had mentioned pairing them up with. He was in his early to mid-thirties, had short military-trimmed hair and an eye-catching smile. Certainly attractive. One look at his attire and he could clearly see why he might irk Qrow though. The four-leaf clover medallion was bad enough, but a rabbit’s foot and a horseshoe on his belt? He had to be awfully superstitious.

Clover caught him staring, winking in his direction.

Flirty too. He could get behind that. Tai offered as coy a smile as he dared before the other man departed.

He knew Qrow had caught it, because he heard him snort. He elbowed him in the ribs.

Ignoring the grunt behind him, he said, “Your operatives sure are interesting James.”

“That’s one word for them.” He offered the red marker back. “I apologize for having to use your classroom on such short notice.”

“It’s fine.” Tai replied, dropping it back in the box with the rest of the rainbow. Now where was the eraser? “Really, this whole thing is amazing. The restoration effort, getting back the school? It feels like we’re finally putting the world back together again.”

“Wouldn’t go that far. It’s just one small piece.” Qrow said as he leaned against his desk.

James sighed, running a hand over his beard. “There is certainly much work left to do. Haven. Mantle. But Vale needs its Huntsmen training again. And the kingdom needs its-”

“‘Beacon’ back?” Tai interrupted unabashedly.

It actually earned him a chuckle.

As well as a groan from Qrow. “Don’t laugh. You only make the puns stronger.”

“You just don’t want to admit they’ve groan on you.”

Qrow’s retaliation was to throw the nearest thing in reach at him. That was how he finally found the eraser.

James was laughing more in earnest now, which was even more surprising. Even off-duty, the General rarely was so openly expressive. Not that it was a bad thing; Tai had been saying for years how he needed to cut loose and relax more. He wondered what had changed.

“Hey, why don’t you join us for dinner tonight?” Tai suggested as he turned to the board. “And don’t do that ‘I don’t want to impose’ nonsense, because I already have a miniature army at my house.”

“The offer’s appreciated, but I do need to oversee some last-minute preparations for tomorrow.” He paused, then added cheekily, “And I don’t want to impose.”

Jokes too? He was getting tempted to pinch himself and check that he was really awake.

“Don’t make me throw this at you next.” He waved the eraser threateningly.

James held up a hand pacifyingly. “I apologize, maybe another time.” His eyes darted to the other man. “Though, Qrow, if you can swing by my ship, I’d like to go over your part of the mission more thoroughly with you. I should have some time around 6?”

“I can do that. But, you still need to eat Jimmy.” Qrow pointed out, his heel tapping rhythmically on the floor.

“As a matter fact, I have plans to have a nice bird tonight.”

Tai froze in the middle of wiping away the dust cartridge checklist. Wait… did he hear that right?

The tapping had stopped. “I suppose that’s good enough.”

“Excellent.” He straightened his cufflinks, saying, “Well then, I really should be going then. Gentleman.” With a tip of his head, James walked out the door, leaving only two.

Tai stared at where he had retreated. Then, deliberately slow, he pivoted towards Qrow, staring at him intensely.

“W-What?”

He lent towards him. His brother-in-law immediately shifted back.

“What!?”

He grinned in the absolutely most shit-eating way he could and said, “He’s having ‘bird’, hm?”

Qrow’s eyes widened, the shade that rose to his cheeks almost matching his eyes. “It-It’s not what you think!”

Oh, and he was actually flustered? Tai knew he had to be in deep on this one. And as the self-appointed older brother, there was only one thing to do with such a sensitive situation.

“Oh? My mistake I suppose.” He pulled back, fishing out his scroll.

Qrow watched him suspiciously. “What are you doing?”

“Hm? Oh, nothing.” He shrugged, struggling hard to contain his smile. “Just texting James about how he can best prepare that bird of his.”

The look of horror that crossed Qrow’s face had him absolutely losing it. “TAI DON’T YOU DARE!”

Tai danced backwards as he came diving for it, holding his scroll up in the air, tapping a button. “Annnd send!” The second tackle got him, and the device was quickly wrested from his grasp.

“What did you tell him?!” Qrow practically shoved the screen into his face, his panic quickly morphing to confusion, then annoyance. “This isn’t James.”

Tai folded his arms under his head, smug as can be. “Not this time. And if you don’t want it to be next time, then you better spill it bud.”

“Have I ever told you how much I hate you?” He glared at him over the top of the scroll.

“Once or twice – Ack!” The scroll was dropped on his face as Qrow climbed back to his feet. He offered him a hand up too, so Tai knew he wasn’t actually too mad.

Getting Qrow to start talking was always a chore; but once he did, it was like breaking open a dam. Not a lot of people knew he was a chatterbox. Then again, not a lot of people took the time to get to know him well enough to learn the things he was passionate about. The first time Tai discovered Qrow could say more than six words during a conversation was when the Grimm Reaper came up one boring afternoon. It was like a flip had switched and suddenly he was recounting tales of all her old adventures, proudly showing off Harbinger as he detailed out how he mimicked her kamas, and sharing his crackpot theories about how she was actually still alive.

So to see him in a similar state of reverence, and over James Ironwood of all people, was very telling indeed.

Some time later found Qrow sat atop of Tai’s desk, finishing up the story about how the Atlas Celebratory Ball went, his gaze distant. “I couldn’t handle being around all the alcohol so I stepped out for some air. James followed after me and we talked a bit. Then he asked me to dance, right there on the balcony.”

Tai was directly across from him, sitting on one of the students’ desks. “Did you accept?”

“’Course I did, you think I’m a fool?”

A fool in love. Tai thought privately. “And? How was it?”

“It was fine.” He said with a shrug, like it hadn’t mattered. But the way he refused to meet his eyes gave him away completely.

He lent forward, raising a brow, “It was the most magical thing to have ever happened to you, wasn’t it?”

“C-Come on man, don’t say it like that!” Qrow was going bright red once more, turning away and covering his mouth to hide the grin forming there. “But, maybe.”

He laughed softly. “Knew it.” He hit the back of his heel against one of the desk legs. “This why you were so eager to have someone else on our team tomorrow? Were you hoping he’d get the hint and come along?”

This time, he looked a little guilty. “Yeah. Guess I owe you an apology for doing that back during third year.”

He remembered that – Qrow had actually gotten a little ticked off at him when he’d been constantly volunteering to work with one of the girls’ on homework, pair up on missions, seek them out during lunch hour or do whatever other half-baked idea he could come up with to spend more time with them. Since he’d been spacing it out so equally between Raven and Summer, his rather insecure best friend had taken it completely the wrong way, assuming he’d finally gotten tired of him and was purposely trying to create distance between them. Hand completely forced, Tai eventually had to admit to Qrow that he was crushing on both his sister and their leader (and was kind of freaking out about it).

While Qrow accepted this fact and even promised to keep it secret, he also spent the next few weeks see-sawing between calling him ridiculous and teasing him at every available avenue. Tai never held grudge over it but he did warn him that one day, he’d know what it was like too.

Seems that day finally came.

“Got to say, I’m a little heartbroken.” Tai placed a dramatic hand on his chest. “Suddenly I’m not enough for you?”

Qrow’s legs were long enough he could easily kick his knee. “Come off it.” He settled back on his hands, eyes trailing the floor now. “Honestly, I thought I’d feel the opposite way.”

“What do you mean?”

“I figured if I ever felt this strongly about someone else, I’d want them to be as far away from me as possible. Instead, I can barely wait to see him. It’s idiotic.”

Oh, wow. Tai regarded his best friend a long, quiet moment, joy filling him. “That’s what it’s like. Even if you could see a disaster coming, it doesn’t matter. Because being with them makes every second you do have worth it.”

Qrow arched a brow, asking knowingly, “Was that for Summer or Raven?”

“Both. I wouldn’t trade those days away for anything. Neither should you.” He slipped off the desk to step forward. He placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’m really happy for you.”

“What, why?”

Unable to help it, he hooked his arm around his neck and yanked him forward, giving him a brutal noogie. “Because my lil’ bro is all grown up! Sober and falling in love! I’m so proud.”

“Ah! Ack! Stop it!” Qrow squawked as he squirmed in his grasp. “And I’m older than you!”

“Still the little brother.” He let him go, barely feeling the retaliatory punch in the arm. “I mean it though. It’s nice, seeing you this happy.”

“You make it sound like I never am.”

“No but, I always wished it was more frequent.”

“Oh. …Sorry.”

Tai shook his head, saying firmly. “Not something to apologize for. Though, if James is something that invokes such a feeling, he’s a keeper.”

Qrow looked away, that little lovesick smile back. “Yeah, I think he is too.”

Brothers, he was tempted to hug him. So, he did. Qrow took it as awkwardly as always.

“Come on.” Tai said, resisting the urge to swing him around in his own enthusiasm. “We better head home before everyone wonders if we’re having a secret affair.”

“You wish you could get some with an ass as nice as mine.” He joked right back, pulling away.

He leaned to the side, being as exaggerated as possible. “You have an ass?”

“Jimmy sure thinks so.” Qrow wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Tai just laughed shoving him towards the door. If he played his cards right, he just might be able to hear some of those stories too.

#taiyang xiao long #qrow branwen #james ironwood #ironqrow #rwby #fanfiction #Chase Firekitten's Tale

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f4liveblogarchives · 4 years

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Fantastic Four Vol 1 #201

Tues Aug 27 2019 [12:08 AM] Wack'd: So this is the last regular issue of 1978 [12:08 AM] Wack'd: There's also an annual. And also last year's annual because there's literally no room in 1977 or 1978 for it to have happened, so Marvel Wiki shoved it here [12:10 AM] Wack'd: We opened with us still being in Latveria! Okay, sure [12:10 AM] Wack'd: Definitely the outfit of a man who's planning on putting together some meaningful democratic elections

[12:11 AM] maxwellelvis: That hat looks familiar... [12:11 AM] Wack'd: But he confirms he is. He's real happy that political parties are forming and that there's "fighting and endless squabbling" because it means progress is happening [12:12 AM] Wack'd: Political parties never result in anything bad happening, ever, especially when they hate each other's guts [12:12 AM] Umbramatic: yes [12:12 AM] maxwellelvis: SupercalifragalisticexpielaWACKY! [12:13 AM] Wack'd: So the team returns to the Baxter Building, mostly because it's the only place in NY they can put the Pogo Plane [12:13 AM] Wack'd: Reed is still kinda iffy on reforming the team, which naturally everyone rolls their eyes at [12:14 AM] Wack'd: Collins is there to greet them! Good old Collins [12:15 AM] Wack'd: Even though the Four are a damn nuisance there's literally no one who wants to rent the Four's old headquarters, for fear of supervillain attacks, so he offers to let them back in..."for, ahem, a raise in the basic rent, of course, to make up for my losses" [12:15 AM] maxwellelvis: Yer a peach, Collins [12:15 AM] Wack'd: Ben is like "actually, fuck you, we want the rent lowered, a promise that the heat will stay on, and a promise of no solicitors" [12:16 AM] Wack'd: Collins...doesn't really have a choice unless he wants to keep losing money on like a sixth of the building [12:17 AM] maxwellelvis: Y'know, I think I'd take Mr. Ditkovich as my landlord over Collins. [12:17 AM] maxwellelvis: How about you guys? [12:17 AM] Wack'd: And so within the day contractors are on the scene to get the Four back in working order [12:17 AM] Wack'd: Just, uh, regular ol' contractors, apparently! Who are a little baffled by Reed's talk of "ion displacer cables" and "Negative Zone locking mechanisms" [12:18 AM] Wack'd: But they're doing their best [12:20 AM] Wack'd: Johnny maybe you're not having any luck on the dating scene lately because you're a misogynist

[12:21 AM] maxwellelvis: Frommage? Sue, I think you've been swindled. [12:21 AM] Wack'd: She means From Mage. It's a magic dress [12:21 AM] Wack'd: It's actually really impressive Johnny managed to set it on fire [12:22 AM] Wack'd: Hey hey! A good ol' fashioned Baxter cutaway. I've missed these.

[12:23 AM] Wack'd: And, for the first time, an acknowledgment that the building has two other walls on which rooms can be constructed [12:23 AM] maxwellelvis: Interesting that Ben's quarters are marked "when he's staying at the building" [12:23 AM] maxwellelvis: and also "Room X" [12:24 AM] maxwellelvis: Bet we're going in there soon. [12:24 AM] Wack'd: Ben and Alicia are living together, presumably. [12:24 AM] Wack'd: In siiiiiiin [12:24 AM] maxwellelvis: If it's good enough for Sweet Aunt Petunia, it's good enough for them, I guess. [12:24 AM] Wack'd: So, uh [12:24 AM] Wack'd: Franklin is now ten years old, assuming time is still moving [12:25 AM] maxwellelvis: You'd think that it is, and yet... [12:25 AM] Wack'd: He still has a crib. And a door that opens directly into his parents room [12:25 AM] Bocaj: Room X FROM OUTER SPACE [12:25 AM] Wack'd: But I think my favorite detail is--and I'll admit there's maybe no way to avoid this problem--there's a rocket launch pad right next to Franklin's room [12:26 AM] Bocaj: Amazing [12:26 AM] Wack'd: That kid is gonna have some sleepless nights [12:26 AM] maxwellelvis: Maybe that's how Comic Book Time gets you. It creeps in, in small doses at first, until you have something like that staring you in the face. [12:26 AM] Wack'd: I mean probably that makes a fuckton of noise wherever you put it but Franklin needs ten hours a night! He's a growing boy! [12:26 AM] Wack'd: Right next to his room is by far the worst option! [12:27 AM] Wack'd: Also, hey. No place for Agatha. So I guess we're done with her being a live-in nanny [12:27 AM] Wack'd: In fairness Franklin is back to having the regular presence of two parents. In theory [12:28 AM] Wack'd: So back to the story [12:29 AM] maxwellelvis: She might be living down the way at Avengers Mansion. [12:29 AM] Wack'd: Reed, the police exist to oppress minorities. And other superheroes...are probably fine, relatively, that's a good point. NYC is fucking packed

[12:30 AM] Wack'd: Anyway Reed is attacked by "Microbe 201-B" and now I want to see them try and shoehorn the issue number into every story somehow [12:31 AM] Wack'd: 201-B has grown a lot and escaped its test tube, baffling Reed [12:31 AM] Wack'd: This is probably why you don't hire normal contractors to set up a superscience lab [12:32 AM] Wack'd: Anyway 201-B eats Reed. Bye Reed [12:32 AM] maxwellelvis: Oh no, it's the Intruder! Everyone run! [12:33 AM] Wack'd: Ben and Sue are also attacked [12:33 AM] Wack'd: Ben by his own superscience exercise equipment and Sue by lasers and then a water main break [12:35 AM] Wack'd: Sue, honey, you spent 20 issues divorced and another ten with the team splitting up and got basically no character development. Being away from the team does not guarantee you an interesting arc

[12:36 AM] Wack'd: Johnny is also attacked. But also these are his thoughts so something big is coming, maybe, possibly.

[12:36 AM] Wack'd: Johnny is attacked by fire extinguisher foam because of course he is [12:37 AM] Wack'd: But he manages to escape by flying outside the building and manages to rescue Ben and Sue [12:37 AM] Wack'd: Sue who, I'll remind you, was attacked by a burst pipe [12:37 AM] Wack'd: And is unconscious in a pool of water when they find her [12:38 AM] Wack'd: Reed has escaped from being ate off-panel and is now instructing Johnny to go shut down the main power core [12:39 AM] Wack'd: Johnny is immediately taken out by some gas traps because obviously the main power core is booby-trapped, c'mon [12:40 AM] Wack'd: So Sue goes in after him and manages to stop all the traps with her force field. There's a sequence code to turn off the main power core that if you get it wrong it explodes, because sure [12:40 AM] Wack'd: The obvious solution is to put in the wrong code on purpose and then contain the explosion with a force field so she does that [12:40 AM] Bocaj: This is why you more carefully choose contractors [12:41 AM] Wack'd: If that's the moral of the issue I will be mildly shocked [12:41 AM] Wack'd: I totally believe any given Marvel writer would have a bad experience getting their home fixed and then write a mean-spirited story about it [12:42 AM] Wack'd: So Reed goes over the computer and finds no problems but is gonna call Tony Stark to look them over [12:42 AM] Bocaj: I like the guy but Tony Stark is the last person you should call about a computer malfunction [12:42 AM] Wack'd: Tony Stark: the best at knowing when machines have turned evil [12:42 AM] Bocaj: His whole life is a computer malfunction [12:43 AM] Bocaj: You'd think it would give him expertise but consider also that it keeps happening and never stops from happening [12:43 AM] Wack'd:

[12:43 AM] Wack'd: A few things to note here: [12:44 AM] Wack'd: 1. Yes, those were Ben's exact words. Which means Ben was making fun of "with great power comes great responsibility" like half a year before it was a thing. [12:44 AM] Wack'd: Anyone who doesn't like when Marvel gets self-deprecating or too meta can shove it [12:45 AM] Wack'd: 2. This is still a hilariously simple rationale for getting the team back together, especially since it has nothing to do with why the team split up and only addresses concerns that were first raised this very issue [12:46 AM] Wack'd: 3. Steve Martin was presumably real big in 1978 [12:46 AM] maxwellelvis: He was, actually [12:47 AM] Wack'd: 4. "The Osmond family" is still a metanym for wholesome togetherness. I don't think I need to tell any of you that's not gonna last very long, which is fine, because the Four aren't a very "wholesome togetherness" kinda group anyway [12:47 AM] Bocaj: They get more wholesomeishesque as time goes on [12:48 AM] Bocaj: At least they have a very dangerous edge in the early stuff [12:48 AM] maxwellelvis: The late 1970's is exactly when Steve Martin was at his peak, at least strictly as a comedian [12:48 AM] Wack'd: It's weird when rosy memories of a thing retroactively whitewash their sharper edges. Happened with Jiminy Cricket and Kermit the Frog something fierce [12:49 AM] maxwellelvis: Oh yeah, I remember Jiminy Cricket being surprisingly horny. [12:49 AM] Bocaj: wut [12:49 AM] Wack'd: He's also kind of a snarky asshole, too [12:49 AM] maxwellelvis: Especially to that rotten Lampwick kid. [12:49 AM] Wack'd: Most of his moralizing at Pinocchio takes the form of yelling or lectures or just making fun of him [12:50 AM] maxwellelvis: He HATED that boy. Not Pinocchio, Lampwick. [12:50 AM] Wack'd: Anyway I think the Four are mostly wholesome by comparison? Like Bart Simpson. They're never gonna be flawless role models but as time goes on and you can depict more bad stuff they slowly slide towards the acceptable end of edginess [12:51 AM] Wack'd: Like, they're closer to Mickey Mouse than Deadpool but mostly because Deadpool is waaaaay out in the deep end [12:51 AM] KarkatTheDalek: Bart isn't that wholesome [12:51 AM] Wack'd: Yeah but compared to. I dunno. Stewie Griffin. Which is a real comparison Family Guy spent like an hour making that one time. Also Cartman which is something South Park also got into [12:51 AM] maxwellelvis: He isn't the iconoclast he was in 1989 anymore either, Karkat [12:52 AM] Wack'd: Edgy cartoons love making fun of how mundane Bart's troublemaking is [12:52 AM] KarkatTheDalek: That is true [12:52 AM] Bocaj: It has the same energy as Spawn declaring that "Only SISSIES change their costumes in a phone booth" [12:53 AM] Bocaj: It immediately fills me with disdain towards the property trying to be so edgy in comparison [12:53 AM] KarkatTheDalek: But I do recall an episode where they were at the dentist, and Bart saw Skinner loopy on the laughing gas, so he went in, pretended to be the dentist, then practically beat the shit out of him before pointing the x-ray machine directly at his balls [12:53 AM] Wack'd: We're getting off track [12:53 AM] KarkatTheDalek: Probably, yes

#1978 #Marv Wolfman #Keith Pollard #The Main Book

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nerdandproud14 · 7 years

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Theory Time

So here’s what we know so far.

- Sometime around 2000/2001 the Breach occurred and over 30 anomalous escaped - Amanda was born in 1993 (probably around the time that Blackwing was rounding up the anomalous if we're going off of 2000/2001 being the breach and that Dirk mentioned he had been there for years when he was younger) - Amanda and Todd took a trip to Orlando sometime around her 7th year (which would also be right around the time that the Breach occurred) - According to Wakti, Amanda is the one who is supposed to fix everything - According to Max Landis on Twitter “Certain events both in the distant past and in the first few episodes of season one and two did not go as the universe intended” and “The events of the first season of Dirk Gently are the universe and its tools working at about 80% efficiency to correct itself. Due to an unfortunate confluence of free will, random chance and cosmic destiny, in the second season we’re at about 50% and falling.”

So here’s part one of my theory. I made a post about this last night as well but I wanted to expand on it. What if the universe created Amanda to help fix itself due to lack of interaction with the anomalous? Like, the universe had all these fantastic anomalous people that were out doing things and then suddenly they’re holed up in this stupid government facility and the universe is like “well, crap, I need them to do stuff, like, they’re important” and so in response to the errors that were beginning to pop up (an absurd amount of unsolvable cases (dirk), lots of bad guys not dying (bart), perfectly normal things not getting demolished (rowdy 3)) the universe created Amanda, to try and work out the problems. So the universe set her on course (or at least the people around her on course) to get her as close to the anomalous as possible in an attempt to get everything back on track. Maybe when she and Todd were in Orlando, they were near to Blackwing and maybe her proximity to the Rowdy 3 kicked things up a notch. I know that it’s been said that Vogle was what really heated up the Rowdys but maybe it was both? (this last little bit is just wild speculation at this point)

But part two of my theory diverges away from Amanda. What if the universe wasn’t expecting Blackwing to be a thing? Like what Wakti said about fate and chance and free will, maybe the universe took a chance, hoped that the government would leave the anomalous alone, that backfired and started causing all these problems. If Blackwing hadn’t existed, or if it had been fully shut down after the breach then it would be quite possible that nobody would have followed Dirk to the Ridgley. A stray bullet wouldn’t have saved Farah. It’s possible that it would have taken longer for Dirk and Todd to solve the Patrick Spring case without Farah, but it might have been possible. If Bart had been just a little bit faster and killed Ken then she would have eventually found her way to Dirk, and the conversation that they had on the stairs to nowhere could have been completed. They might have teamed up to take out the MOM. There are a lot of if’s and maybes in this part of the theory but’s it’s interesting to think about.

I’d love to hear if anybody else has any ideas, or if there are any weird inconsistencies with my Amanda theory.

#Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency #dirk gently #amanda brotzman #todd brotzman #farah black #ken #bart curlish #bartine curlish #bart #blackwing #dghda2 #DGHDA #dghda s2 #dghda season 2 #theories #Max Landis #uptomyknees

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anestiefel · 5 years

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The 10 Best Caribbean Islands for Couples and the Most Romantic Hotel on Each

St. Lucia: Jade Mountain Resort

The Galaxy Sanctuary at the Jade Mountain Resort/Oyster

For couples who want to experience a little bit of everything — but also have the option to kick back and escape — St. Lucia makes a solid choice. The island is experiencing a tourism boom, and frankly it’s a wonder the world’s taken so long to catch on to this slice of lush island paradise. It offers incredible scenery courtesy of volcanic peaks, fantastic snorkeling, and scenic hiking if you’re up for a challenge. Perched on the edge of the island’s verdant flowering cliffsides, the adults-only Jade Mountain Resort is a place where you can officially switch off the world outside. Couples don’t have to lift a finger here, particularly if they book an all-inclusive package. Expect dedicated butlers, free daily yoga classes, memorable meals, and top-notch service all around.

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Bahamas: The Ocean Club, A Four Seasons Resort, Bahamas

Aerial Photography at the The Ocean Club, A Four Seasons Resort, Bahamas/Oyster

The Bahamas have long been on family vacation radars, but that doesn’t mean the islands don’t appeal to couples too. If you have kids in tow but still want to get away on your own, The Ocean Club is a fantastic kid-friendly hotel that has enough luxury for parents to feel like they’re catching a break (that Balinese-inspired spa!), while children ages 4 to 12 can hang out at the free Four Seasons kids’ club. Parents, meanwhile, can head to comfortable lounge chairs on the beach, take in a free yoga class, or pop open the bubbly delivered to the rooms each day. Still need to convince reluctant teens? Just let it slip that the resort featured in James Bond flick, Casino Royale.

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Jamaica: The Caves

Caves at The Caves/Oyster

Jamaica has its fair share of crowded resorts, but for couples wanting to feel like a piece of the islands is actually theirs, The Caves is as close to a private island as you can get. The resort numbers just 12 private cottages, constructed from stone and turquoise carved wooden paneling, and are dotted along the tree-topped cliffs that overlook Negril’s blue waters. There’s no sandy beach (there is ocean access), but couples embracing an intimate, bohemian sense of romance won’t be disappointed. Think locavore dining, ocean-view saltwater pool, and private candlelit cave dining. The Aveda Amenity Spa is one of the best in the area, too. It’s small but mighty, and worth a trip for its signature Jamaican brown sugar body scrub alone.

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St. Barts: Eden Rock

Eden Rock/Oyster

There are few Caribbean destinations as synonymous with luxury as St. Barts, and for good reason: For couples who love a bit of glamour on their holidays, the celebrity-favorite island is the perfect place to retreat. Eden Rock is located right on Nikki Beach, close to everything you need (and everywhere you want to see and be seen): shopping, dining, and the airport. It’s popular with a certain set, too — Kate Middleton’s family has been reported to vacation here (it’s owned by Pippa’s in-laws) — but has the credentials to back it up, including a restaurant headed by celebrity chef Jean-Georges Vongerichten. It certainly has plenty to appeal to couples looking for a personalized resort experience, from individual welcome notes to in-room spa treatments.

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Turks and Caicos: COMO Parrot Cay

Beach at the COMO Parrot Cay, Turks and Caicos/Oyster

Holiday makers flock to Turks and Caicos for relaxing beach vacations, but the island has plenty to offer couples who are into wellness vacations — particularly if you book a stay at COMO Parrot Cay, which meets luxury at its normal standard and then takes it to a whole next level. The idyllic resort has a health-focused spa menu at its restaurants, featuring produce grown on-site, and personal trainers are on call to help you work up that vacation workout sweat. That is, of course, if you can tear yourself away from the infinity pool or beach, which stretches on for more than three miles. If you’re happy to melt into the resort and its amenities, half- and full-board meal plans are available, though you’ll have to pay separately for alcohol. And did we mention the world-renowned Shambhala Spa? Don’t leave without a massage or facial from this gem.

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Grenada: Sandals Grenada Resort & Spa

Beach at the Sandals Grenada Resort and Spa/Oyster

While historically a little more under-the-radar, Grenada, is a gorgeous island in the Antilles. Its branch of Sandals’ indulgent resorts is a romantic hotel for couples wanting a luxury vacation that isn’t all just sitting on the beach and going to the spa. Foodies will love the 10 restaurants, active couples can check out kayaking and snorkeling at the beach (or the unlimited free diving if you’re SCUBA certified), and those wanting to chill can book in a treatment at the sophisticated Red Lane Spa. The ocean isn’t always ideal for swimming, though there’s a roped-off area where it’s safe to splash.

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Dominican Republic: Zoetry Agua Punta Cana

Beach at Zoetry Agua Punta Cana/Oyster

Punta Cana is a popular stop on the resort circuit, but those wanting an intimate stay need not be at a loss. Zoetry Agua Punta Cana is an all-inclusive, secluded-feeling resort that offers a tropical retreat for couples needing to sit back and relax. It’s an altogether different sort of vibe than the party-hardy hotels in the Bavaro area. Expect freebies like free unlimited gourmet dining, non-motorized water sports, top-shelf booze, laundry service, cigar-rolling and snorkeling, and fruit, liquor, and coffee in the rooms. Guests are also treated to a free 20-minute massage to set the vacation vibe. For those with an equestrian flair, horseback riding on the beach is also included in the stay. There’s also a gorgeous spa with a hydrotherapy circuit, and private butlers if you book a suite. Best of all, the private beach is utterly uncrowded.

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Antigua: Galley Bay Resort & Spa

Beach at the Galley Bay Resort & Spa/Oyster

You don’t tend to hear about couples going to Antigua the way you hear about travelers going to Jamaica, but this gem of an island is worth getting on your radar for a romantic retreat. Especially if you’re staying at Galley Bay Resort & Spa, which is perfect for nature-lovers. It’s set on 53 acres that envelop a bird sanctuary, white-sand beach, and picturesque lagoon. The all-in rate covers three meals and drinks, as well as non-motorized sports. It’s elegant but relaxed, with both a rustic rum joint and a sophisticated spa, though a bohemian spirit runs strong with outdoor showers and reggae CDs upon request. Take in the scenery from the freeform pool, or from one of four restaurants that all look out over the water. For a romantic splurge, upgrade to the Gauguin suites, located in stone buildings, each with its own private plunge pool.

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Aruba: Bucuti & Tara Beach Resort Aruba

Beach at the Bucuti & Tara Beach Resort Aruba/Oyster

Aruba’s known for its natural beauty, and couples who take a commitment to the environment as seriously as they take their commitment to each other need look no further than Bucuti & Tara Beach Resort. It was the first certified carbon-neutral hotel in the region, and it’s placed along the 14-acre spread that makes up the beautiful Eagle Beach. The resort is definitely a place where you can (and should) kick back. Take time to catch the sunrise for once, or find zen during a yoga class on the beach. For a romantic treat, book one of the private cabanas for an oceanfront meal to remember. Aruba pro tip: you can safely drink the tap water.

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Barbados: Sandals Barbados

Beach at the Sandals Barbados/Oyster

Couples who love activities and making new friends will have a great time on Barbados. The island offers a ton of experiences, from visits to rum distilleries to cave tours, and it’s long been a popular destination for Americans looking to catch a bit of sun. There’s a reason why Sandals has a long-running reputation for offering couples fantastic resort experiences, Sandals Barbados is a testament to its success. The all-inclusive pricing means everything is paid for up front, and upgraded rooms, with amenities like butler service and freestanding soaking tubs on the terrace, add that special touch of luxury to a much-needed Caribbean getaway. It’s not the quietest stay — Sandals resorts are known for being a bit lively –but it’s a great pick for sociable couples focusing on Caribbean fun.

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swissmissficrecs · 7 years

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Long Johnlock relationship fics

b-as-in-bakerstreet asked: Hello! I was wondering if you have a Johnlock list of fics any U as long as they're lengthy, complex and with a good developing of their relationship? I realise this description may be subjective but I like your work and have liked e lot of your suggestions, so...

Reply: Thanks for the request! I have SO MUCH for you I hardly know where to start. First off, I have two rec lists for long casefics, which generally have well developed relationship plots too:

Long (50K+) high-rated casefics

Long, angsty casefics completed in the second half of 2016

Then I have a list of my favorite 100K+ series and fics, which is CHOCK FULL of lengthy, complex plots with fantastic relationships.

I also wanted to give you some more specific recs, but I quickly realized the list was going to get unwieldy, so I have added some parameters. These are all 50-100K in length, pre-series 4, without kids, have more of a relationship/romance focus and aren’t too far AU. By length:

The Paradox Series by wordstrings (98K, E) Summary: In which what's in Sherlock's head is never going to get any better, and John is nearly thrown out of his flat.

Saudade by tunteeton (96K, E) Summary: John loses Sherlock, gains Sherlock and learns to never, ever, ever pray.

The Breaking Wheel by J_Baillier (93K, M) Summary: His immune system is decimating his nervous system - a civil war raging inside of him. Is there a reaction he's supposed to be having to this news, now? Something normal: cry, scream, pound the wall? Shake his fist at the uncaring universe? John can't stop this. An uncomfortable bed at some hospital ward isn't going to stop this. They keep telling him that this will most likely pass, but no one is answering the most important question: how will he be able to endure the uncertainty and the long wait?

Swan Song by astudyinrose (92K, E) Summary: What if the stag night in the Sign of Three had ended a bit differently?

A Diseased Fancy by J_Baillier (85K, M) Summary: It has been two years since John's marriage had fallen apart and he had moved back to Baker Street. Things between him and Sherlock are still very much undefined, and John is certain that he'll have plenty of time to figure it all out. This notion proves dangerously false: strange things are set in motion when Sherlock's long-lost “acquaintance” from university appears on their doorstep and a baffling burglary case frustrates Sherlock to no end. What is behind Sherlock's black moods and dwindling health? Where is Mycroft? Why would someone steal artefacts from the British Museum that have interested nary a soul for decades?In the midst of this thickening fog stands John, who will soon have to take on an enemy much greater than even Moriarty.

A Cure For Boredom by emmagrant01 (81K, E) Summary: They'd never talked about sex in the year they'd known each other. Well, that wasn't quite correct: Sherlock had never said a word about sex; John had bemoaned his personal dearth of it on many occasions.

The Case of (Developing) Love Series by Lunavere (77K, M) Summary: It had been another boring Sunday when Mycroft walked into their flat and blackmailed John in order to force Sherlock to investigate a case for him. For Sherlock, this case is nothing special - just another one of Mycroft's "national security" cases. For John, however, it hits a little too close to home. As former colleagues and old memories resurface, John finds it harder to hide his emotions from an ever observant Sherlock.

Perpetual Motion by Fay (orphan_account) (75K, E) Summary: Everyone thinks that they're a couple, but Sherlock's self-sexual and John's straight, so they're never going to fall in love, are they? Even if neither of them can imagine life without the other.

A World Upended by sfumatosoup (71K, M) Summary: John is relentlessly pursued by a coworker, which all leads to an inevitable revelation by Sherlock. How will John react to this?

The Ground Beneath Your Feet by Chryse (68K, E) Summary: Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.

All the Rest (of What I Want) by philalethia (68K, E) Summary: After being invalided home from Afghanistan, John takes his therapist's advice and tries to meet people online. Specifically, he joins a fetish site, where he ends up interacting with a man called SH who keeps paying him money to perform odd tasks and seems very keen to take care of him.Basically: slow-build daddy kink.

Electric Pink Hand Grenade by BeautifulFiction (67K, E) Summary: "If Sherlock's brain is a hard drive, then these attacks are an electro-magnetic pulse." Sherlock Holmes does not do anything by half, not even a migraine. It falls to John to witness one of the greatest minds he has ever known tear itself apart, and he must do his best to help Sherlock pick up the pieces.

Horse And Carriage Series by flawedamythyst (60K, T) Summary: Sherlock proposes. John thinks the whole idea is ludicrous.

Ink Your Name Across My Heart by prettyvk (58K, E) Summary: The metaphor is imperfect but still workable. If my long term memory is a hard drive, then my short term memory is RAM. The hard drive became read-only following the illness. New data is stored in RAM and can be used while I remain awake. Going to sleep – ‘turning off’ – wipes the RAM, returning the system to what it was prior to the illness.

The Great Sex Olympics of 221B by XistentialAngst (58k, E) Summary: John Watson thinks Sherlock Holmes should admit that he, Watson, is more of an expert on sex than Sherlock is. But Sherlock refuses to concede the point. He comes up with an experiment plan that will resolve the issue. The results will determine who wins the prize. But sometimes even the best thought-out scientific study has unexpected consequences.

Lost for Words by awanderingbard (57K, M) Summary: Sherlock is assaulted by an unknown assailant while John is away at a medical conference, leaving him with a severe brain injury. While his intellect and personality are intact, he's lost the use of his right-side limbs and his ability to speak freely. John suddenly finds himself as the main source of support, and possibly a caregiver, to a flatmate who is struggling to do the things he loves most. And Sherlock Holmes has never been the best of patients.

Once Upon a Time by thisisforyou (57K, E) Summary: Follows an alternate canon wherein John and Sherlock meet as teenagers, but don't remember each other until they are re-introduced at St Bart's. How can we ever really measure the influence we have on other people's lives? Flicks between the main storyline of the two at seventeen and alternate moments throughout canon and their lives before meeting at Bart's.

The Road Less Traveled by verityburns (57K, M) Summary: Sherlock realises that John's dating habits involve an unacceptable level of risk... what if he meets an unusually tolerant woman and ends up getting married?

Lunar Landscapes by J_Baillier (57K, M) Summary: An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.

Not the King's Men by StoneWingedAngel (56K, T) Summary: John finds Sherlock three years after he thought he'd buried him, scared and injured; broken to such an extent he can barely recognise those trying to help him. Battling against too many unanswered questions and his own feelings, John sets out to put him back together, but never stops to consider Sherlock's return may be part of a greater punishment in store for the both of them.

Guilty Secrets by Ellipsical (55K, E) Summary: John has a prostate exam and discovers something surprising about himself. Experimentation follows. Sherlock wants to help. They're in love. You know the drill.

Disguise by kaalee (55K, E) Summary: Sherlock's disguises are little more than a nuisance to John until one day he walks into the kitchen dressed as someone from John's past, someone John had tried to forget.

Never Change a Running System by Lorelei_Lee (54K, E) Summary: Sherlock discovers his sexuality – with far-reaching consequences for John.

End of the Story by kres (54K, E) Summary: Post-Reichenbach. The return, the fallout, the pieces you pick up

Triage by scullyseviltwin (51K, E) Summary: Sherlock’s mind goes exceedingly, devastatingly quiet and gray-blank. When he speaks it’s through a thick haze, it’s through molasses, he’s so disconnected from the words that it may as well be the unconscious shooter speaking. “It was only a twenty-two,” he says, voice unfeeling and unwavering, as though that makes any sense at all.

#rec list #romance #50k+

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abstruseness · 5 years

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Canon MX492 Scanner Driver Download Normal Option for Contemporary Landscaping Artist

The Wedding photographer

David Anthony Hallway ideas his shots weeks, at times even years upfront. In order to capture the perfect shot, he visits locations numerous times to get just the right natural lighting conditions. To the self-professed nature devotee, using panoramic photos of arrestingly gorgeous scenery is hardly an difficult project. "Whenever you enjoy what you do, you'll never need to function each day in your lifetime." claims David. His images are large not only in dimensions but in the amount of content they are and express filled up with a enthusiasm he conveys so vividly together with this sort of wonderful depth.

Delivered in Dublin in 1969, he initially uncovered his passion for photography at school when he packaged a few of his father's aged disadvantages for the class undertaking. He qualified as being a image artist then researched photography at Dun Laoghaire University of Design and Art (now the Institution of Art). His first role was being a continue to lifestyle digital photographer after visiting United kingdom in 1990. He then create his very own industrial business in Western side London, uk in 1994. A few years in the future, soon after managing a profitable photographic firm, Photohall Ltd, he made a decision to focus on his own operate and passion like a landscape designer.

The Artwork

While using method of photography and big file format print out to capture his expansive character shots is undoubtedly a really particular route to adhere to. Yet mixed they merge properly; fusing impressive photography, printing and design methods smoothly to provide breathing using panoramic expression. David's images are hardly ever limited from a viewfinder. He shoots a series of pictures that he later draws collectively to capture the vista he desires to show. The absolute size of his job gives by itself to huge formatting printing at its very best. David's sells a graphic every year for charitable trust, a d 2.7m broad and 1.5m substantial called 'Autumn Light', was sold for charitable trust in 2009, rearing a wonderful £7500. The image was imprinted in the 12 colour Canon MX492. The earnings in which split among, Malignancy Analysis, McMillan Cancers Assistance and Bart's Medical facility East Wing, and committed to the memory of David's all-natural dad Antonio Senezio, who died of cancers in 2007. They have considering that generously donated numerous a lot more images to numerous charitable groups, which include PhotoVoice and Marie Curie Cancer Care. In The Year 2011 he presented a fantastic impression eligible 'Bluebell Woodland' which offered for £10,000 for your Children's Acute Carry Services Pet cats.

David creates around 12 done parts each year, frequently going to spots many times to draw out the proper picture. He will sometimes waitdays and weeks, or even months for the right lighting conditions. He usually takes into consideration the numerous trajectories from the direct sun light as the the planet orbits throughout the season, as well as lunar tidal rhythm to acquire the very best photo.

Using his Canon EOS-1Ds Label IIl, David shoots the images using lens which range from his preferred 50mm to your 100mm and even a 300mm. By using a range of spectacular methods he can capture a series of graphics that he later on weaves together in their electronic darkroom.

David makes use of an even more conventional procedure for his picture taking, since he could have as soon as with a motion picture digicam. Even though he considers a digital technologies have allowed professional photographers to speed up the method, also, he feels it produces a tendency to hurry the results. Appearance accomplishment is normally made the decision by what is uncovered inside the monitor and not just exactly what the digicam is capable of doing. For David the set up in the photo is as much an important component of the procedure, as being the digicam by itself. Reducing everything straight down, getting his time and creating 'breathing space' enables him to capture greater results. "You shouldn't speed taking photos: the key is taking, stopping and slowing your time. There's low self-esteem from the photographic sector making photographers believe that they need big digital cameras to become a far better professional photographer. But if you're not in the right spot at the right time it won't work, whichever digital camera you have! "

The Stamping

Till just recently David's partnership with Canon possessed never extensive over and above his usage of their video cameras. Following viewing the grade of his charitable trust item 'Autumn Light' created by the Canon representative Velmex Submission, David was very very happy to take shipping of his new printer a, 44" 12 colour Impression PROGRAF iPF8100, sizeable file format printer, immediately after the event. "What smacked me initially was only how calm the Canon was. My prior A1 gadget wasn't a Canon product or service; it had been extremely slow-moving and surprisingly loud".

Before using the Canon MX492, On account of the flexible the outdoors in the iPF8100 he or she is now able to produce a complete size cut of his printing (emulating a dark room fashion crop) so that you can match it at any point. "This alone is preserving me three times as much multimedia." He said. The reason why you could do is caused by an original Adobe plug-in that comes with the printer. "The Adobe plug-in is fantastic! It's very simple to quick, convenient and use. It gives me complete power over the colour production I create. It saves me a lot of press and i also don't ought to mess around with customized sizing, plus I could produce from Photoshop with no reason to resave records first."

The outcome is a reduce quality result, whilst the printer can create a higher quality impression. The Canon Photoshop connect-in can instantly change a 16 tad impression in Photoshop, to some 12 little interpolated picture for the printer, recording the maximum high quality accessible. The eye struggles to distinguish the visible difference between 12 little and 16 little, nevertheless in between an 8 little bit and 12 little bit result the visible difference, even going to the inexperienced eyes, is visible. "16 little offers superb gradation on my a few meter graphics, it will make a huge difference to my kind of operate. Now, from picture record to productivity I have the ability to printing at the highest quality. The visible difference is obvious if you ask me, specially in the sharpness of depth I recieve in blue skies or the details of greens, in which usually the 8 little variation can appear flat." The inspiration powering David's picture taking is to record the outdoors in their purest type.

The pictures are all picture in RAW formatting creating image styles any where from 150 super pixels to 200 mega pixels, creating a level of sharpness and depth vital when printing at this particular scale. Upwards of 4GB, having an 80GB hard-drive is invaluable, "Because the size of my files are so large. Before the file has completely downloaded, the files download straight to the printer freeing up my desktop and the printer will start to print even. The dual print out-heads offer you me fast publishing. Paper-heads are semi long lasting characteristics that don't will need swapping with each ink cartridge transform plus I will swap the print heads me personally. This gives me a cost preserving I'd not anticipated, and with no lower time. The printer ink cartridges can be bought in 300ml and 700ml tanks and can be hot swapped although the device is working, rendering it unbelievably versatile when printing my 3 metre images. The printer even offers a reserve tank which retailers printer to guarantee the produce is completed with out preventing. This prevents any likelihood of having a dried out line by way of the middle of a produce. Some thing you don't require when publishing about three meter images! "

These huge structure printers may be managed by simply the 'Canon MX492 Scanner Driver Download' something that David finds very helpful when working his printing careers. "In the past I would personally estimate my ink cartridge costs by work as I didn't have a similar degree of detail I have now with 'Job Manager'. I can entry it through any internet browser empowering me to discover the ink usage on every print. I can also check ink levels, which document I've loaded inside the printer as well as the length and width from the roll. I am just now in full control of my generating charges, something that I surely didn't have just before".

Archival work

This process David utilizes to complete his printing is 'Face Installation to Perspex'. This is a process where the done print out is sandwiched among some Dibond and Perspex or perhaps an Aluminium backing page. The latest analysis by Wilhem-Analysis.com implies that a colour print from your Canon 12 colour Appearance PROGRAF iPF6100*, on gloss media within Perspex substrate could give you a light-weight fastness of 176 several years. "This really is 101 yrs more than my prior printer could claim providing my buyers an increased archival worth."

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fire-fira · 8 years

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If You Think My Truth Is A Lie, You Can Get Bent

This wonderful fic was born from a request I couldn’t turn down for a fic with Bart being trans. It took me a few days, but I’m proud of the result and I hope this hits the spot for the anon who requested this fic. I got you fam, and your gender is valid; anybody tries to invalidate anyone for being trans or non-binary and I’ll go full-on NB-battle-ax on them.

I hope everyone enjoys this fic and has as much fun with it as I had writing it. n.n

Oh yeah, and a couple minor warnings for mentioned transphobia and Bart’s justified swearing.

EDIT: Credit for the ‘bug fucker’ insult goes to @disregardcanon. Thanks a ton for thinking it up! I just had to use it. n.n

If You Think My Truth Is A Lie, You Can Get Bent (Ao3 version)

“Kid Flash. B-2-3.”

Before the computer had even finished announcing his arrival Bart was half-way across the zeta-tube chamber and on his way to storm through the passage between the living room area and kitchen of their current base and down the hall straight into his room. He was going far more slowly than he would have normally, closer to the rapid furious stalking of non-speedsters, but it was more out of an effort to not throw everything into disarray in his wake than out of any actual restraint. As soon as he was in his room (and damned if he wasn’t frustrated about not being able to slam the door) he snatched his pillow from his bed, covered his face with it, and screamed.

There were a lot of things that frustrated him about the past… this time… whatever, but for the most part he was of the opinion that it (justifiably) was better than his original time. However, one thing he had run into on a routine basis that never failed to make him want to tear his hair out was the complete and utter bullshit he got over being trans. In his original time it hadn’t even been that big a deal! ‘Oh, you’re a guy? Okay. No problem. Just try to avoid Reach attention. None of this “you don’t know what you’re getting into” or “it’s just a phase” or “you’re just confused” bullcrap!’ He threw the pillow across the room with another frustrated scream as he yelled, “That egotistical bug-fucker!”

Bart hadn’t been this pissed off in a long time; in fact, the last time he’d been this upset was after the Reach had been booted off of Earth and he’d realized that his supply of testosterone was running out. It had been hard enough to get his supply in his original time— especially considering the fact that he required much more than the average person thanks to his heightened metabolism. It had been a miracle that the other members of the resistance had felt that preventing him from developing in a way that felt wrong to him had been enough of a priority that they’d taken the risk to get and continuously create his supply in first place. When he’d realized that his supply had been about to run out (though he’d been trying to stretch how long it would last) and that he had been close to facing the onset of a female puberty, he’d flown into a panic. (And yeah, he knew that technically his body was a male body by virtue of the fact that he was a guy, but it didn’t change the fact that the idea of ever going through a period made him feel like he wanted to claw his way out of his own skin.) That brief period of half-doses had already had its effect and he was fortunate that he was still mostly flat-chested— certainly enough so that almost no one ever noticed that he wasn’t entirely flat-chested— but whether the small size was due to the fact that he’d still had half-doses of testosterone or because he was a speedster he wasn’t entirely sure. Honestly he didn’t really care.

Outing himself to the others had been weird (certainly a hell of a lot more awkward than he’d expected) but for the most part they’d gotten past it and just rolled with it. The League doctors had been more than willing to re-establish his supply and be his primary doctors on that count; it was far easier for them to give him the amount he needed outside of any official medical framework than for him to have to contend with insurance, counseling (which why it was needed made no damned sense to him), and likely not being able to afford as much as he needed. He didn’t even want to think about the run-around he probably would have had to deal with thanks to being meta and all the special medical requirements that entailed.

But now Bart had run into a situation the League doctors couldn’t help him with (they had expressed concerns that they weren’t equipped or knowledgeable enough to do what he wanted correctly), so with Barry and Iris’s help— and the promise of funding from Bruce to help cover it all— Bart had to go through official means. He wanted bottom surgery, and as far as he was concerned the sooner he could get it done, the better. He was 17 (going on 18), he knew exactly who he was and what he wanted, and damn it all he wanted to be completely comfortable with Jaime and Khaji Da! Bart was getting sick and tired of accidental moments of contact that made him flinch on reflex, though Jaime and Khaji Da both were absolutely fantastic about avoiding areas he didn’t like having touched. Honestly there were times where he just wanted to not care, where he just wanted to jump them and screw them senseless (or be screwed senseless by them as the case might be). He wanted to be able to curl up with them, make out with them, and be able to have them practically climbing the walls without having to stop and think about the ways his own body felt wrong to him. He wanted to be able feel like his body was right and that he could press close to Jaime and Khaji Da without constantly being reminded of what he physically lacked or had that he didn’t want. He just fucking wanted to be him without anyone telling him that he was something he wasn’t just because his body didn’t match up with their stupid understanding of what it ‘should be’ for him to be a ‘real man.’ And okay, yeah, he did want the ‘right’ anatomy for the sake of feeling like himself and being able to make love to his partners in a way that felt right. He had his priorities! ‘And hot alien-bug-sex without feeling dysphoric as hell is one of them,’ he thought bitterly.

But that doctor… that stupid bug-fucking, patronizing, piece-of-shit doctor had the gall to think that Bart was ‘confused.’ Bart picked up his alarm clock and threw it across the room, causing it to smash into pieces against the wall.

He’d known that going through official means was going to be more obnoxious and take longer than he’d prefer, but he had thought he’d been prepared for it. He had thought that he was more than ready to jump through any stupid hoops he needed to in order to get what he needed done. He hadn’t been prepared for how unbelievably condescending or transphobic some people could be. The idea that someone would ever look him in the eye and say the words, “What you’re asking for is irreversible and you’re still fairly young. It’s not the sort of choice you should make on a whim. And what if you decide you want to have children when you’re older?” had never even crossed his mind. The idea that anyone would ever suggest or dare to presume that he would ever want to be pregnant had been so far off his radar that he’d been struck completely speechless. As if that hadn’t been enough, the piece-of-shit doctor had misinterpreted his silence and then had dared to pat his knee and say, “You’re a beautiful young lady. I’m sure if you take the time to sort through some things you’ll understand that you shouldn’t have to feel like you need to do this to yourself.”

A lamp sailed across the room this time and collided with his mirror, which shattered on impact. Bart couldn’t remember precisely what he’d said to the doctor in his somewhat extensive tirade, but he knew there had been a rather blatant “Fuck you!” in there somewhere along with “egotistical Reach-fucking piece of shit” and a few other choice invectives before he’d stormed out. Bart was about ready to throw something else (although what, he had no idea) when he heard a quiet knock on the door.

“Bart?” Jaime called, “Hermoso, are you okay?”

Bart sagged. On one hand he didn’t want Jaime or Khaji Da seeing the fact that he’d been in the middle of destroying his room, but on the other hand he wanted to see them. One thing he absolutely adored about both of them was that neither of them had ever doubted that he knew himself; they had never seen him as anything but the guy he was, and even when he came out to them they had just accepted it and hadn’t let it impact how they saw him in the slightest. “Door’s not locked,” he finally mumbled as he flopped onto his bed.

Jaime cautiously tapped the controls to open the door and froze for a moment when he saw the wreck on one side of Bart’s room. He was in one of his usual hoodies and jeans, so clearly he’d been on base for a while rather than out running around preventing disasters— though considering the state of Bart’s room, he might as well have been walking into one. He stepped into the room and tapped the controls to close the door before making his way over to sit next to Bart. Side-eyeing the broken mirror, he said, “Was it the appointment?”

Bart gave an aggravated sigh as he raked a hand through his hair and said, “Yeah.”

“That bad?”

“That bad,” the speedster agreed.

They were silent for a moment or two as Jaime scooted closer and slid an arm around Bart’s shoulders. Finally Jaime asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Bart snorted, but let his head fall to Jaime’s shoulder. “Are you sure the two of you want to listen to my ranting?”

There was a subtle shift in physical tension, a clear indicator that Khaji Da had switched control with Jaime, and then Khaji Da said with that beautiful voice of his, full of calm poise, “We are both willing to listen to everything you have to say. If we were not used to listening to your rants by now, I doubt we would be so involved.”

Bart glanced up to meet Khaji Da’s warm golden gaze and couldn’t help the slight smile that was trying to creep onto his face. “You’re being a tease,” he playfully accused.

“Negative. I am being honest,” Khaji Da said with a smirk in a blatant tease.

“You’re both sure you want to listen to my whining?”

One of their golden eyes faded back to Jaime’s brown before the two of them deliberately said in their odd dual-voice, “We would never call that whining nuestro corazón. We love you. If it helps to get it out, we want to listen.”

“…I hope you two realize how unbelievably hot it is when you do that.” Bart could never get enough of hearing those two separate voices with their separate accents at once. It was the sort of thing that drove him to distraction with how incredibly sexy he thought it was.

They rolled their eyes in fond exasperation and said, “You’re dodging.”

Bart made a face, but didn’t disagree. “I hate his face.”

They blinked and then Jaime asked in a somewhat confused tone, “Who?”

“The doctor I had to deal with. Doctor ‘Rothram’— more like Doctor ‘Reach-fucking-piece-of-shit’,” Bart said, dropping into a sneer as he said the doctor’s name.

Jaime’s eyebrows shot up. “Do I even want to know what he said?”

It was like the flood-gates opened; Bart’s anger boiled over at recalling the encounter and all of it just came pouring out. “The stupid bastard wouldn’t refer to me by name as soon as he found out I was trans and what I wanted, while I was explaining myself he was giving me this condescending ‘oh you poor thing’ look the entire fucking time, and then when I stopped talking he did this whole damned roundabout reasoning bullshit to try to ‘talk me down’ from doing something ‘irreversible’ because that crusty over-glorified garbage-pile of a doctor thought that I’m motivated by ‘self-hate’ and that all I ‘needed’ was some therapy so that I would ‘stop hating myself’ and ‘accept’ that there’s ‘nothing wrong with being a girl’ and that if I just thought things through that I’d ‘realize’ that I’m a ‘beautiful young lady’ and I’d eventually ‘find a man who would make me happy’ and I just— I want to fucking wreck his FACE!” If Jaime and Khaji Da hadn’t been there Bart would have gone right back to throwing things. As it was, he had bounced to his feet and angrily paced back and forth while he was ranting. “I mean, I’ve dealt with a lot of shit— a lot of shit— but that asshole… If I was ever going to turn into a fucking supervillain it’d be his fault! Him and his condescending transphobic bullshit would be at fault for making me snap and turn into some sort of maniac hell-bent on killing off every last transphobic pile of Reach-sucking garbage! And I’d be laughing about it! LAUGHING!”

Jaime and Khaji Da watched him pace back and forth, just listening until he finally came to a stop with an aggravated huff. After a few moments of silence (broken only by Bart’s agitated breathing), Khaji Da shifted more solidly into control and arched an eyebrow. “Bart Allen,” he said in an even tone.

Bart’s eyes darted to them. “Yeah?”

A faint smirk tugged at Khaji Da’s lips before he calmly said, “Recommendation: allow me to resolve the situation.”

Ohhhh Bart had a good feeling about this, but he had to be sure. With a smile threatening to creep onto his face he asked, “What do you have in mind?”

Khaji Da’s smirk turned downright wicked. “Recommended tactic: annihilation. Drawn out. With fire.”

Jaime snapped into control with a mildly horrified look and protested, “We are not going to kill that doctor!”

Just as quickly Khaji Da slipped forward again and amended, “Maiming then. He does not need his legs to live.”

Bart couldn’t help it, he immediately started laughing. He was almost crying with laughter as he dropped to sit on the bed next to them again and said, “Oh my god I love you both.”

“We are not assaulting that doctor, no matter how satisfying it would be,” Jaime insisted with fond exasperation.

“Not even a little?” Bart snickered.

“Mis corazones, I love you both, but I’d rather not end up in jail needlessly. Okay?”

“…Burning in effigy then,” Khaji Da suggested a moment later, provoking another fit of laughter from Bart.

“Oh my god! Khaji Da! You’re just-” Bart couldn’t keep a straight face.

Jaime sighed, a long-suffering sound that did nothing to hide his affection for both of them. “Okay, fine. We can do that— but only if it’s out in the desert or somewhere where we won’t have to worry about things catching fire!”

Bart leaned up to press a quick kiss to Jaime’s lips before he grinned. “I love you, and thank you for putting up with us. Though… Can we use voodoo? Do you think Zatanna would help?”

“That is promising…,” Khaji Da said thoughtfully.

A moment later Jaime facepalmed. “We are not doing that. If I had a week I couldn’t explain all the reasons that would be a bad idea.”

Bart gave a mock-pout and asked, “No super-villain-ing? Not even a little?”

Jaime sighed and let his hand drop. “As much as the two of you would have fun with it, we really shouldn’t.” He paused for a second, his eyes dropping away from Bart’s as Khaji Da silently conferred with him, and then rolled his eyes to cover for the fact that he obviously was tempted to laugh. “Okay, maybe— and this is a big maybe— maybe if we have to save him at some point if something comes up we can make sure something happens to his car, like a busted light or something. But that’s it. No más. Okay?”

Bart gave an over-dramatic put upon sigh. “O-kayyyy…” Despite his joking complaint, he scooted closer to Jaime and Khaji Da and slid an arm around their waist while resting his cheek against their shoulder.

Jaime hugged Bart and kissed his temple, earning a pleasant hum in response. They comfortably sat in silence, just letting the seconds and minutes slip by.

For Bart it was nice to just sit and be for a while, to not have to think about the issues he had with his body, that lousy doctor, or the fact that his room was a wreck with glass from the lamp and mirror and the plastic and metal parts from his alarm clock strewn across the floor. It was nice to just be with Jaime and Khaji Da for a while, and to know that they loved him as him and even if nothing changed they always would. Yeah it wasn’t perfect, but it helped.

And then, out of nowhere, Khaji Da nudged his way into control and gave a thoughtful hum. Bart looked up in response, and at his questioning look the scarab said, “Bart Allen… there may be a way around having to deal with inept individuals for what you require.”

Bart blinked and sat a bit more upright. “What do you mean?”

Khaji Da hesitated for a moment before saying, “Human technology is… inferior to my capabilities; human medical technology can not match the quality of which I am capable.”

Bart’s eyes went wide. “Waitasecond, are you saying…?”

Khaji Da gently took hold of one of Bart’s hands, his thumb moving in soothing circles against Bart’s hand. He didn’t immediately answer, taking the time to consider how to convey what he wanted to say, but when he did it was in a tone that made it clear that he knew exactly how much weight his words would carry for Bart. “I monitor the body of Jaime Reyes and perform maintenance on a routine basis. Hormone regulation and production are well within my capabilities. Samples would be required, but it is feasible to produce a supply matched to your body’s own substance.”

Bart felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room, but it was a feeling that left him giddy. “A-are you saying you can create my supply of testosterone? Based off of what I have in my body?”

“Affirmative.”

“That’s… Oh my god… I… Khaji Da, this is-”

“There is more,” Khaji Da admitted.

“What-?”

“It is possible, if I connected into your bodily systems and examined them in depth, that I may be able to make the alterations to your physiology that you wish. And base those alterations on how your DNA would naturally have them, so there would be no chance of rejection.”

Bart could hear the blood rushing in his ears. This was- there was no way that- there was just- He forced himself to breathe. He knew there was no ‘magic fix’ and it was a fact that he had resigned himself to. This though… this was the closest to a ‘magic fix’ that there could possibly be, and it was being offered by Khaji Da. “Y-you mean I’d…?” he breathed, unable to complete the thought.

“Affirmative.”

A moment later Jaime once again surged into control, his eyes wide in alarm as he snapped his head to the side to look over his shoulder in Khaji Da’s direction. “We’re not performing surgery on Bart! I’m no surgeon!”

For a moment it looked to Bart like they were having an internal argument, but finally Jaime faded back enough for Khaji Da to be in partial control— a deliberate choice so that Bart could hear both sides of their commentary. “My capabilities are far beyond current human medical technology. It is feasible.”

A hint of Jaime’s concerned frown flickered across their face. “I don’t want to hurt Bart.”

For a moment their eyes darted to Bart, warm gold swirling through both before settling back to one golden and the other brown and dropping away again. “I will not allow any harm to come to the Bart Allen. Fact: I am better able to ensure that no harm will come to Bart than any human doctor. And I will not attempt any alterations if I am uncertain of the outcome.”

Jaime rolled their lower lip between their teeth nervously before looking at Bart again. “What do you think mi corazón? It’s your body, your choice.”

One beat. Two… Three… Bart surged forward, tackling them to the bed with what had to be the most intense kiss he had given them in the entire time they had been together. Honestly it almost rivaled the level of intensity that Khaji Da poured into his kisses. When he cut it off he was breathing heavily and so were they (he had no idea if he’d pulled that reaction from Jaime, Khaji Da, or both, but he was happy with it regardless). “You both are the best boyfriends ever.”

Khaji Da gave a small huff, as close to a laugh as he was likely to get, before he said in a slight tease, “Technically I am not male.”

Bart rolled his eyes. “You’re still wonderful. Stop trying to get out of that fact.”

“Mmm… Because I am unwilling to allow idiots who can not recognize a man when they see one to tamper with your physiology?” Khaji Da said with a deliberate smirk.

“Keep that up and I’m locking the door,” Bart said bluntly.

A slight frown from Jaime made its way through and he said, “Not with the broken glass and metal on the floor. I’ve heard enough nightmare stories from mi madre about people getting carried away in the moment and getting hurt because they weren’t paying attention to what was around them. And Bart, hermoso, cariño, mi amor, mi corazón— I love you, I do, but I do not want to be pulling glass from your butt.”

Bart gave a mock-pout and said, “Party pooper,” before stealing a quick kiss and then letting them up.

Jaime didn’t waste any time getting to his feet and grabbing Bart’s trashcan to start picking up the mess, knowing that Bart wasn’t far behind. “It’s good for you,” he teased as the armor crept down his arms to cover his hands before he got to work.

“It’s good for me to be deprived?” Bart said over-dramatically as he dumped the largest portion of his lamp in the trashcan.

“It’s good for you to not have to worry about getting a piece of glass jammed into your foot, speed-healing around it, and then having to deal with having your foot cut open to get it out, you goober,” Jaime retorted.

“I dunno,” Bart said, “Sounds like an excuse to ‘gentleman’ me to death.”

Jaime sighed. “You two are never going to let me live that down.”

“Nope!” Bart cheerfully agreed as he scooped up chunks of his destroyed alarm clock.

Jaime gave a huff, but there was no real heat or annoyance to it (despite the fact that he could feel the waves of amusement spilling over from Khaji Da in his mind). Rather than let his own amusement at Bart and Khaji Da’s antics slip through, he decided to shift the conversation back to a more serious point. “Khaji Da, mind explaining some of the technicalities for what you’re suggesting? That way all three of us know what we’re getting into?”

Bart perked up. “I’mgonnasecondthat. I mean, yeah, I’m totally into having you tweak things rather than stupid doctors, ’cause I know you’re gonna do it right, but like… are you gonna have to detach yourself from Jaime or something like that and then attach yourself to me? Because that’d be really weird and probably insanely involved— and oh GOD I don’t wanna think about open holes in Jaime’s back!”

Jaime made a somewhat disgusted face at that thought, which was swiftly followed by an amused snort from Khaji Da. “Negative,” the scarab replied in a thoroughly entertained tone. “Detaching myself from the Jaime Reyes is unnecessary-”

“-Thank god-,” Jaime interjected.

“-and it would take far too much time to do so,” Khaji Da continued. “It is far more feasible for me to collect samples and then begin formulating a plan for approach to alterations from there.”

“Huh,” Bart said thoughtfully. It made sense, but it definitely called to mind his earlier thought that there was no ‘magic fix.’ “Sooo… the whole ‘connecting into my body’ thing…?”

“It will be a necessity; both to monitor your physical status and to regulate pain. The most practical approach in my current understanding is a gradual one, likely over several weeks or perhaps a month or two depending on circumstances, in order to minimize the chances of physical damage or excess pain. Of course your healing factor is something I will have to examine and adapt to in order to be effective, so it may be that there will be instances in such alterations where I am connected into your nervous system much as I am with Jaime— although not to the same extent,” Khaji Da explained.

Bart blinked. “…So in other words, you’re saying this is probably going to hurt sometimes and you’re probably going to be wired into my brain.”

“Affirmative.”

“…You know, I’ve heard about the concept of a mind-fuck before, but this-”

“Bart,” Jaime blurted out, “That’s just vulgar.”

Bart shrugged and replied, “Hey, I think about these things. And honestly? Three-way mind-sex sounds pretty freaking hot and like a great distraction for the pain I’ll be in. I mean, if Khaji Da is going to be tapped into my brain, why not take advantage of it?” (He hadn’t actually thought about having mental sex until Jaime interrupted him, but sometimes it was too much fun to poke at him when he had the chance.)

An amused chitter erupted from Jaime’s spine as Jaime shook his head. “Both of you are going to land me in jail one day, I swear.”

“It’s not like we’d be having mind-sex in public!” Bart protested before thoughtfully adding, “Though is public sex really illegal if it’s all mental?”

“Khaji Da is not performing surgery on you in public. And there’s not going to be any ‘mind sex’ involved. Especially not in public!” Jaime insisted, desperately trying not to laugh.

“…It could be a useful distraction,” Khaji Da said in a tone that was entirely too innocent.

Jaime facepalmed, and despite his best efforts a few snickers escaped. “Estoy muerto. Mis corazones are going to kill me.”

Bart grinned. “It’ll be fine. And besides, at least I’m not so off-the-wall that I’d send nudes to Doctor-Jackass after it’s all done just to gloat.”

“Oh my GOD.” Jaime dissolved into a fit of laughter, swiftly fading back so that no one would be able to hear his uproarious cackling.

For a moment an amused silence stretched between Khaji Da and Bart as they picked up the remainder of the mess. They exchanged a look, and then Khaji Da said with a smirk, “We should tag his car.”

“With what? Spray-painted rainbow-glitter dicks?” Bart asked.

“Affirmative,” was the smug response.

And with that Bart flopped over onto the floor and curled into a ball, laughing himself senseless. No question about it, this had officially gone from being one of the worst days Bart had ever had, to one of the best.

#Bluepulse #Bluepulse OT3 #Bart Allen #Jaime Reyes #Khaji Da #trans boy Bart #tw transphobia mention #cursing #swearing #No Khaji Da you can't set that jerk on fire #my fiction #fic request

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placetobenation · 4 years

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What is happening!! I think the world and Hollywood have simply gone batshit crazy! Normal every day people standing up at hearings and in courts saying that wearing a mask is unconstitutional and muzzles them like mad dogs?! Do they not see the direct correlation between spikes in COVID cases and crowds gathering without masks? Do they really need a governor, mayor, or President to tell them to wear a fucking mask?! I was reading the news, thinking this could be the craziest shit I have ever lived through – and then I went through the entertainment section, and found shit even crazier.

Okay, so much crazy shit to talk about, let’s start with the craziest – voice over actors, who you can’t even see – are stepping down so that the correct color of people, that you can’t see, can fill the role of the correct color characters.

Yea, this means Mike Henry, who does a bunch of voices for Seth McFarlane, one of his biggest characters is Cleveland from Family Guy. Cleveland is black, with a nice mustache, and Mike Henry is white. Nobody knew, but apparently that was offensive. Mike also voiced a bear in The Cleveland Show, which ran for 5 years and was cancelled in 2013. I wonder if they wanted to get a talking bear to play that part as well. I mean, where does it stop? It’s voice over acting. You hire whoever best fulfills your artistic vision, not whose color, that you can’t even see, is correct.

Does this mean that Family Guy now goes and hires a horrible voice over actor not because he’s good but because of the color of his skin? So you have a shit show that gets cancelled right away but at least everyone was color coded to their animated character? Utterly ridiculous. You are trying to make a quality piece of entertainment. That means hiring and using the best – not the best person who matches the color of your drawings! It is absolutely insane.

Family Guy is not the only show doing this – oh no. The Simpsons chimed in too. The Simpsons, who has a grown woman playing Bart – completely wrong gender and age – but nobody cares. Nancy Cartwright is a 63 year old woman voicing a young boy and has been for 31 years. Not a peep and everyone was happy.

Nancy will apparently go on voicing Bart, being wrong age and wrong gender, but the two biggest characters that will be affected by this will be Carlton Carlson and Dr Julius M. Hibbert. These two biggest non-white characters, one voiced by the legendary Harry Shearer, will be found new voices that match their skin tone.

Minor parts, sure, but still, just an insane notion that I think is batshit crazy. Of course this movement is not new – it started back in January. Well, the biggest name began this movement in January with the brilliant Hank Azaria saying he was stepping down as Apu on The Simpsons. Hank has been criticized for a long time for playing Apu and playing him against such a stereotype. Apu is the convenience store clerk and owner who is an Indian immigrant. Homer used to make fun of his religion and cultural artifacts that he had around the store. Nobody minded the humor, but a white guy playing an Indian immigrant?! For shame!! Ridicule and embarrass him all you want, just make sure the actor is of correct origin!!

Other actors following this incredibly stupid movement are Kristen Bell and her character on Central Park on Apple TV, which no one cares about. And Jenny Slate of Netflix’s Big Mouth, again, which nobody cares about. Those little actors and cartoons can change and shift all they want because the shows suck anyway and it may be an improvement. However shows like Family Guy and Simpsons, which have reached the zenith of art and humor – should just stay the way they are. You can only get worse if you start switching shit around on a show that is already fantastic. They say you can not improve upon perfection, and you are batshit crazy for thinking so – well like I said – the world has officially gone batshit crazy.

See ya next Thursday!

Follow Paul on Twitter: @pauliek2003

The views expressed in this column are that of the author and does not reflect those of Place To Be Nation.com.

#IFTTT #Place to Be Nation

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ciathyzareposts · 5 years

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Realms of Arkania: Basic Training

The party death screen. I got this a lot this session.

One thing I like about modern games is that they seem to share a philosophy about their initial stages. For the first roughly 4 hours, you don’t expect any particularly difficult combats in a modern RPG. You expect rather that the game is going to ease you into its mechanics and conventions–sometimes with an explicit tutorial covering the first few battles–before throwing you to the wolves. You expect that you’ll gain one level without any fuss before you really have to work for it.

Realms of Arkania is a game clearly developed before this kinder era. I have virtually nothing of substance to cover in this entry because I spent most of the five hours since the first entry trying to win a single battle against some bandits in the starting dungeon. This battle alone took me almost three hours, partly because of its difficulty and partly because combat in this game just takes an insanely long time.

When I closed my first entry, I had explored the town of Thorwal, had received the main quest (to stop an uprising of orcs by finding the subtitular Blade of Destiny), and had received a side quest to explore the “old fortress” and find out who was stealing all the supplies. I explored one level, killed a few bandits, and thought I was done, but I hadn’t taken secret doors into consideration. There are two types of secret doors in the game: illusory ones that you can just walk through, and hidden ones that some character has to “perceive” before you can open them.

If you suspect this type of door is there, you have to wander back and forth until “Perception” kicks in.

In the case of the old fortress, my first secret door led me to a small room stocked with wine, brandy, and rations. I took them all and sold them to the shop on the surface. I spent a lot of this session porting items out of the dungeon and selling them on the surface. The game is so relentless with its encumbrance system–combat movement is restricted if you’re overweight–that you don’t want to carry any extra items for long.

When this happens on Bourbon Street, trust me–keep walking.

The second secret door was the illusory type, and it led to the battle with half a dozen bandits. As I covered in the first entry, Arkania blends the combat mechanics of the SSI games (Wizard’s Crown, Gold Box) with the rotated axonometric perspective of British RPGs of the era. The SSI mechanics are fantastic–I’ve repeatedly heaped praise on their Gold Box iteration–but here they’re coupled with a horrid interface that depends far too much on the mouse and refuses to let you attack, shoot, or cast on anything but straight lines (no diagonals).

One huge annoyance is that when targeting an enemy, you not only have to click on his square but first hover your cursor over it and wait for the game to acknowledge (by highlighting the square in blue) the targeting. It’s annoying enough when targeting squares to the west and south of the character. To the north and east, where the squares are partly hidden by the perspective, it’s a nightmare. Adding to it is the need to specify a normal, aggressive, or careful attack every time you attack. A good game would accomplish this entire thing by having the player strike “A,” “N,” or “C” on the keyboard and then an arrow direction, not fiddle around with all this clicking.

A very difficult battle with brigands. I had to fight it multiple times.

Aside from the interface, the combat options are solid. There’s even one that mitigates the interface by having the character simply repeat what he did last round. (Although I’m not sure I trust it–it feels like it fails more often than entering the same actions “from scratch.”) I just didn’t expect to have to explore all of them to survive the third battle. Each round, each character has a number of movement points that he can expend on an attack, guarding (a free attack when the enemy walks into an adjacent square), casting, using an item, changing a weapon, or delaying until later in the round. These are the lessons I learned while trying to win the bandit battle:

Never walk up to an enemy when you can “guard” and wait for him to come to you.

At least with my Level 1 characters, “aggressive” attacks don’t seem to succeed more, or do more damage, than “normal” ones–and they leave characters open for retaliatory strikes.

You want to have a backup weapon to a bow and arrows because enemies will rush into melee range.

At Level 1, your physical attacks fail about 95% of the time.

Missiles are kind of useless anyway because they can only be fired in direct lines with no obstacles (including characters). Maneuvering archers into place is more trouble than it’s worth.

Spells almost never work either–at least, not the ones I invested points in.

The only spell that works reliably is “Lightning Find Thee,” which doesn’t do any damage but rather blinds the target. Four of my characters can cast this spell, so in my one successful game I had them blind each target before moving on to melee.

The only spell that never lets me down.

Enemies (and characters) can only parry once per round, so it’s best to gang up on individual enemies and take them down while still trying to avoid having more than one enemy target a single character.

The game has a “quick combat” option–which would normally be a godsend given the interface–but it’s one of the worst that I’ve ever experienced. In combat with the brigands, it made my spellcasters waste all their points on ineffective spells before rushing the closest enemies in melee combat. Even against single enemies, it tends to put the worst fighters adjacent to them while leaving the best ones in back with nothing to do. I occasionally activate it towards the end of combat, when everyone is in place and there’s nothing left to do but attack round after round, but otherwise I haven’t been able to make much use of it.

Given its difficulty, I rather hoped that the brigand battle would elevate us with enough experience points for Level 2, but it wasn’t even close. Instead, it gave us access to some decent loot (potions), a lot of money from the bandits’ sold weapons, and to the stairway to the next level.

Selling excess stuff after the bandit battles.

Level 2 of the tower had a few treasure chests, locked doors, and yet another brigand battle nearly as difficult as the first one. I suppose it was as difficult, although I’d learned quite a bit more about combat tactics. This one only took me about an hour to win and left me in the same position as the first one. There was one door that I couldn’t open–not with picks, not with bashing, and not with the one key that I found. Nonetheless, the nature of the encounters made it clear that the brigands had been stealing the supplies. There was a ladder down to a shore cave, which answered the question of how the brigands were getting in without Master Dramosch seeing them.

When I returned to the surface, Dramosch awarded me for solving his quest. His congratulations came with some experience points, and I thought surely this would bring me to Level 2 . . . but no, I was only about 2/3 of the way there. I have definitely stopped saving outside of temples, which costs everyone 50 experience points per save.

Solving the first side quest.

Meanwhile, Bart got tetanus. I’m not sure how it happened–I guess maybe brigands don’t regularly scrub their weapons. Nothing I tried allowed me to cure it. Trying my characters’ own “Cure Disease” abilities not only failed to help–it made it worse. So did visiting the healers in town. No amount of rest seemed to work, and praying at temples got me nothing. I don’t know what I’m missing. Normally, I’d like to roll with the punches on something like this, but the game had already been needling me so much with combat and encumbrance issues that I just reloaded before the combat where he presumably got it and ran through the final stages of the dungeon again.

Back on the surface, I sold my loot. The good news is that I have a lot–or what seems like a lot–of money. The bad news is that there’s no Sword +2 waiting at the shop for me. I could buy some improved armor, but that would just exacerbate my encumbrance issues.

How, pray tell, does the two-handed “war axe” belong to the “Swords” category?!

With nothing else to do (barring finding a way through that locked door in the fortress), I decided to hit the road. I could travel to a number of destinations from Thorwal depending on the exit. The Hetman had suggested that I go to Felsteyn to find the last surviving descendant of Hygellik, whose name is Isleif Olgardsson. The game map showed Felsteyn directly north, along a branch of the river that runs through Thorwal.

You can click anywhere on the map to get a description of places, but you can only travel along fixed routes.

You can’t just walk around on the overland map. You have to right-click on it and choose from pre-set destinations depending on where you are. I could travel to several places from Thorwal depending on the exit that I took. A northern exit led by foot to the city of Vaermhag, north along the coast, and a southern one led to the coastal city of Serske. By ship, I could travel to the next two cities north on the coast (Vaermhag and Varnhome) or the next two to the south (Merske and Etherdun). I decided to go east to Tjoila Ferry Station along the river, trusting that I could keep hopping river ports all the way up to Felsteyn.

We spent one night on the road but otherwise made it to Tjoila without incident. The ferry station was tiny and had only a few houses and an inn, so I didn’t bother to map it. Sure enough, one of its exits led me to the next port, Rukian. It wasn’t any more exciting.

The dusty streets of a small river town.

On the second night to the next port, Angbodirtal, the game gave me the option to track a group of wild pigs that had wandered by the camp. We lost them, but the experience reminded me that I probably wanted to shift my druid, Bart der Wald, to the front of the party while we were on the road. Almost all the game’s skill checks are made against the party leader, so it’s useful to have someone who specializes in wilderness navigation (“Track,” “Animal Lore,” “Survival”) for the road, someone who specializes in towns (“Streetwise,” “Lie,” “Human Nature”) for towns, and someone who specializes in dungeons (“Danger Sense,” “Perception,” “Locks”) for the underground. I had arranged for my dwarf to be my dungeoneer, my magician to be my townswoman, and my druid to be my forester, but I haven’t been good about moving them around.

What were we even chasing them for? Food?

There wasn’t much to do at the Angbodirtal Ferry Station, but when I explored the nearby town of Angbodirtal, I randomly stumbled upon the house of an NPC named Beorn Hjallasson. The game gave me the option to tel him about our quest for Hyggelik’s Sword, and it turned out that he is also somehow a descendant of Hyggelik. He told us we might find luck asking Hjore Ahrensson in Ottarje or Ragna Firunjasdotter in Vidsand. Both were a bit west of my current location, so I decided to continue on to Felsteyn.

You’re making those names up, right?

And thus through Auplog, Vilnhome, and Upper Orcam I traveled, staying in the inn at each town and paying for a square meal, but otherwise finding nothing interesting except the occasional smith, temple, or tavern. These towns could of perhaps been better handled as menu towns if travel was going to be menu-based anyway. It would be nice at least if the different types of shops were discernible from the outside, so you don’t have to bash into every one of them. As it is, you can only tell taverns from the facade.

We finally made to Felsteyn, a moderate-sized town, and found Isleif Olgardsson living on its outskirts. When we told him our quest for Hyggelik’s blade, he suggested that we consult . . . Beorn Hjallasson in Angbodirtal. But he also gave us the name of Umbrik Sevenstones in Orvil and he gave us a piece of a map that looks like it might ultimately have 9 pieces.

The first of probably 9 map pieces.

I hope that the bulk of the game isn’t going to involve the party going from one nondescript town to another so that we can talk to interchangeable NPCs hoping to find map pieces. If this game does it right, it will be like Ultima VI, where there’s a lot of variance in the length and type of quest needed for each piece. Perhaps by next entry, we’ll know.

Time so far: 10 hours

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/realms-of-arkania-basic-training/

#retro games #dos games #retro #crpg #adventure #amiga #oldcomputers #8bit #16bit #blog #repost

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