#but it still sucks to be on an isolated project that no one else cares abt/is helping out on

[zankaboo]

(this post is going to be kinda chaotic because I have many thoughts to share but I'm struggling with being coherent right now)

I'm 28 and I still live with my parents. But I think I need to seriously start considering moving out, or something.

Living with my parents never bothered me much. Part of me was happy about it because like, why should I move out and take care of myself if I can live with someone else and not worry about anything?

But recently I've been trying to work on my issues and I feel like I'm never going to fully heal unless I escape my mother. She is abusive. She's been messing with my mind for so many years that I don't really feel like my own person. I'm almost 30 and I don't know who I am, I don't know how to be an adult. I don't even know what kind of clothes I like to wear. My mom doesn't care much about my emotional well being, she criticizes everything I do. She cares about me in general, I know that and I know that she loves me in her own way but the way she treats me is destroying me. Now that I've started to really think about where all my problems came from, the only source I can think of is my mom. She made me hate myself. I self harmed because of her. I shed so many tears because of her. Nothing else fucked me up as much as my mom. She hates herself too and she projects all of her issues on me. And because of her I believed that I'm ugly and worthless as a person. My dad kinda sucks too, not as much, but he hurt me deeply a few times.

I love my parents tho. Even after all the shit they did to me I love them. My mom can be a very funny person if she wants to be. My dad too. But they hurt me so much. And I want to be away from them.

I've been trying to love myself, my looks, my personality. I stopped all the self depriciating jokes, I stopped calling myself ugly or saying "I hate myself" or "I'm going to kill myself". It's only been like two months but I can already feel the difference. Sometimes I look at my body in the mirror and I see something desirable now. And it's an awesome feelings. I'm really starting to see that change is possible. A better life is possible. And I really want it. For the first time in my life I really want to change things.

But I just don't know what to do. My mother controlled everything in my life, she made most decisions for me. So despite some improvements in my mental health, it all feels so out of reach right now.

I'm very lonely. Despite living with two people, I'm lonely. I get to hang out with my coworkers often and they're all cool people but those aren't really meaningful relationships. I don't have people that I can hang out with after work, or chat with, or call. But I spent so many years in isolation, I don't even know how to make friends. I think I have ADHD too which also might make those things harder for me (I heard that people with ADHD struggle with making friends and stuff). I lost every single school friend, even those that I considered to be close friends. I don't know if it's all my fault or if other people were at fault too. But for some reason almost no one wants to try to maitain a friendship with me and it's so upsetting.

I'm afraid of even looking for friends. I'm afraid of letting anyone know that I can't take care of myself, that I don't know the basics of adulthood. It is very embarrassing. I can't let people know that I'm like this, so helpless and clueless. Getting a boyfriend is completely out of the question at this point. I mean who the fuck would even want to love me romantically now? No one wants an adult baby. And this stings so fucking bad now because I've become infatuated with such a nice and funny guy and I haven't been able to think about anything else but him. If I could at least be friends with him, I would be so fucking happy.

I don't even feel alive to be honest. I'm just existing. I want to live, I want to meet new people, I want love and sex, I wanna go to concerts and find new hobbies. I want to make more art and improve my skills since it's my main hobby, I've always loved drawing. I want to try new mediums like painting or sculpting. I'd like to play some instrument too. But it feels out of reach now.

I really don't know what to do, where to start. I'm so lost.

I can't ask my parents for advice. I really wish I had someone who would teach me how to be a person, how to be an adult.

I don't want a life like this.

[aranarumei]

something there.

hello shiramiya fans. got inspired by ch 51 to write something. it is under the cut but you can also read it on ao3

—

On some level, Shirahama’s always been aware that he’s weak-willed. But this—this feels like something else. “Tashiro,” he says. “I'm going to slack off.”

“For the last time, I'm not—what?” Tashiro cuts his complaint short, turning to face Shirahama with a searching look.

Whatever this is, it sucks, that’s for sure. He grits his teeth. “I'm just—I have to dip out for a second.”

“Huh,” Tashiro says, the word suffused with both carelessness and judgement. His eyes flicker around their surroundings, and he adds, “Okay. It's not too busy, anyways… did you ask—”  

“I already asked Karasubara.”

“Then what are you still doing here?”

It’s a good question, but it’s not one that has an answer. It’s just—it probably isn’t anything serious, but Miyano hadn’t looked great, and what if it is serious? Even if his boyfriend’s taking care of him, it’ll be good for Miyano’s classmates to know how he’s doing. And that way he—they—won't worry.

“I don't know,” he says, and because he’s vindictive: “Why didn't you compete in the crossdressing contest this year? You seemed so pumped about it last time.”

Tashiro's hands stray to his hair, and he twirls a loose strand around his fingers. It vaguely strikes Shirahama that it’s not dissimilar to one of the sprites of the sporty basketball girl he’d romanced last week. “I didn't want to shave my leg hair,” he says, even though last year Miyano hadn’t shown a single inch of his leg.

Tashiro’s just non-committal like that, Shirahama supposes—even now, he likes to act as if his ping pong captaincy just “happened” like an accident. He's spent three long-suffering years on the basketball team—he knows the apathy Tashiro unintentionally or purposefully projects is deceptive.

“What are you waiting for?” Tashiro asks, pulling him out of his thoughts. “Go.”

It’s enough of a push, and crucially: it feels like enough of an excuse.

—

There are too many people inside this school. Shirahama can hear Tashiro's voice in his head still, the strange wry twist that he'd clearly picked up from someone else, paired with his evergreen bluntness—what did you think was going to happen at a cultural festival?

I wasn't thinking, he replies in his head, aware that it's a horribly strange conversation to be having, and the kind of shameless, setup-to-punchline answer he'd never give in real life. But when he'd thought about the decorations, he'd mostly thought about having something that would look nice, feel nice, and have their class at ease. He hadn't been thinking about all the other people that would be milling about.

If they're staring at him, he certainly isn't going to chance making eye contact. So he ducks his head and soldiers on towards the relatively isolated nurse’s office, and in a sudden fit of bravery pauses for only a moment before opening the door. That courage immediately leaves him when the door opens with a sharp creak and he startles, hold almost slipping from the doorknob, but it's the pathetic thought that counts. Or something.

As he's about to slip in and shut the door behind him, a rustle sounds from one of the beds. The breath leaves Shirahama's chest, and he watches as Miyano's boyfriend—Sasaki, that was his name—emerges from the curtains, hair wild in a way that reads more like “bedhead” than “artfully tousled”—not that he'd say it was ever artful, but he's got no place to be critiquing Miyano's boyfriend's hairstyle…

—and speaking of. Sasaki’s staring at him. He sure is tall—for a moment Shirahama wonders why he'd never played basketball, but it’s the kind of wonder that’s paired with utter relief at the nonexistent situation. Then he feels very strange about that thought until Sasaki, with the sedate aura of someone who’s just woken up, blinks at him as if to communicate something.

Shirahama stares back, caught like a deer in headlights.

“Close it quietly,” Sasaki says. Shirahama finally re-registers that his hand is hanging slack on the doorknob. “He's sleeping.” His voice is low, smooth, and deliberately softened to the point that Shirahama has to strain to hear it.

He wavers in the still-open entrance; his legs don't let him run away. The door closes with a soft click, but it may as well be a marching drum.

“I just… came to check in on him,” Shirahama says, too many beats late, careful to pitch his voice just above a whisper. He's not sure he manages. It's the “too many people” thing again, only concentrated—somehow, he’s the one out-of-place in a school he's attended for two and a half years.

Sasaki nods. “Thanks for looking out.”

“Oh… no problem.” He represses the urge to throw up his hands in a sign of “I come in peace,” but he doesn’t know what else to do with them, so they hang limply and indecisively in front of him. Miyano's boyfriend is—it would be rude to say that he's scary, because he's seen the way he acts around Miyano, who doesn't seem to think he’s anything close to intimidating, but he's also Miyano's boyfriend, a term that feels—he shouldn't say it's strange. It shouldn't be any stranger than Kuresawa's girlfriend—bad example, because Kuresawa’s so weird, and Shirahama’s suddenly, overwhelmingly relieved that Miyano doesn’t make hour-long professions of his love—but the thought rests uncomfortably in his head. It's like there's an itch he doesn't know how to scratch.

Sasaki takes the time to inspect him now, squinting at him with a look that’s not akin to judgement but does feel like some kind of thing, and Shirahama would be embarrassed about his inarticulacy if he wasn't already beyond embarrassed with himself. Though he's always hated the feeling of assessment, he does his best to not squirm under Sasaki’s gaze. What Sasaki's likely remembering is the strange hanger-on to Tashiro's high-five run and jump, but even if that's banal in comparison to, say, the date-spying—which is mortifying in retrospect and has given him an eternal respect towards Hanzawa, though he’ll never vocalize this to anyone for fear of the result—something about recognition is just sour.

“Ah,” Sasaki finally says, snapping a cord of tension in Shirahama's shoulders. “You're on the basketball team.”

A strange flush scatters across his neck. “You remembered that?” His voice cracks at the last word, and he tacks on a whispered “Sorry!” that Sasaki accepts without fanfare.

A light shrug. “Just happened to.”

Shirahama throws his memory back to the interaction. He remembers the stray basketball, for sure, but on review something clicks into place. “…Kagiura, right?” His voice settles. “You were looking for him.”

At that, Sasaki falls silent.

Shirahama almost offers to call up Kagiura, but they're not particularly close, and Sasaki's expression doesn't really read as “excited” or “pleased.” In fact it's kind of reading as “ticked off,” which doesn't bode well, because he's pretty sure that if he got into a fight with Miyano's boyfriend, he'd lose. Embarrassingly.

Then, delivered in an unsettlingly flat voice: “I don't know him.”

“What?”

“Kagiura,” Sasaki clarifies, who indeed does say his teammate's name like he's never said those syllables in that order before. Come to think of it, he had called Kagiura by some kind of nickname, hadn't he? “I just… knew of him. Was just curious,” he mumbles.

“He does always get a bunch of confessions on Valentine's day,” Shirahama grumbles on instinct. Then he realizes there's a lot of terrible implications to that routine complaint and backtracks. “Not that—”

“He's popular?”

He feels, suddenly—not actually suddenly but an ebbing and flowing always—wrong-footed. “…Yeah?”  Huh, Miyano's boyfriend is kind of a weird guy. Whether this thought puts Sasaki squarely in the space of “not scary” is debatable. But it is some kind of comfort.

There’s a rustling sound by the bed. The room falls silent in an instant, and Shirahama finds that he’s locked eyes with Sasaki. Something like meaning almost passes through there, but before Miyano's boyfriend can say something about needing him to be silent, or his unnecessary check-in, or his unwelcome presence, Shirahama tumbles out excuses in rush of whispers. “I’ve still got to help out with the festival—just thought I’d check—I’m sure you have it handled—I’m going to—I'll go.”

He stumbles out of the office, thankful he hadn’t even taken two steps past the entrance, and closes the door as quietly as he can. His mouth is so dry he’s not sure any of those words he'd said were audible. It’s entirely likely he stood there, gaping and sputtering like a dying fish, before running away.

No one's there to look at his expression and tell him. Shirahama's glad for it and the fact that there's no mirrors in the hallway—the last person he wants to look at is himself.

[prettykittycastle]

More

Summary: The reader needs one more from Shuri.

(The reader uses she/her pronouns. The ethnicity/race is preferably black.)

(Content Warning: pussy eating, fingering, multiple orgasms, squirting)

Translations:

Sweetheart - Isithandwa

Baby - Sthandwa

"Princess, Queen Ramonda and General Okoye are on their way to see your new inventions," Griot's voice continued to warn Shuri, the AI's voice loud and clear in the lab, but sadly this warning, like the ones before, remained unheard.

Besides Griot's voice, the sound of Shuri's moans of pleasure could be heard clearly. She tried to keep her voice down just in case someone was close to the top of the stairs leading into her lab, but the feel of your tongue running up and down her folds, slurping up her juices was too much for her. Leaning back against one of the desks, she tried to keep herself upright as she could feel another orgasm was coming up.

You knew you were running a very high risk of getting caught, but you didn't care. For the past few weeks, cutting close to a month, Shuri had been practically isolating herself in her lab, working on multiple projects. The most you two had done to each other lately was give a quick kiss on the lips or cheek in passing. Nothing else. You knew that Shuri would be planning on presenting one of her projects today and you knew how nervous she usually got before presenting, so you thought this would be a good opportunity to finally have at least a quickie, and you thought a good, quick orgasm could loosen her up a bit.

"(Y/N)," she whimpered, her voice giving out halfway through your name as her legs began to tremble. "(Y/N), we must-"

"Nooo," you whined, pulling away from her pussy to look up at her, your mouth covered in her slick and some of it running down your chin. Holding onto her thighs, you could feel how much they were trembling and knew that she was gonna cum anytime soon. "I want more."

In your defense, you did not think that you would end up getting pussy drunk off her and ended up being on your knees, making her cum back to back. But that was technically her fault for not touching you for nearly a month.

"Isithandwa, my mother will-" Shuri stopped, her eyes moving down to see you ignoring her and returning to her pussy, your tongue flicking at her clit fast, desperate for her cum. "Oh, Bast, yes," she moaned, her grip on the desk tightening.

"Princess, they are not that far," the AI continued to warn her.

"I heard you, Griot," she responded, her voice trembling in pleasure.

Letting go of one of her legs, you gently pushed a finger inside of her, her cum from the previous orgasms making it easy. You pushed your finger in, all the way to the knuckle, and couldn't help but moan at the way she squeezed her walls around you.

"So tight," you muttered, loving the way her juices began to run down your hand.

"Oh," she moaned, letting go of the desk and bringing her hand to the back of your head, pushing you back to her center. "Suck me, sthandwa," she demanded, her gorgeous face held a look of pleasure.

Without another word, you leaned forward and closed your lips around her already swollen and sensitive clit, sucking it into your mouth, your eyes rolling to the back of your head at how good she tasted on your tongue.

"Oh Bast," you heard her moan, her legs trembling harder, almost shaking.

You moaned against her clit, still sucking it, and pushed a second finger into her, her walls quickly welcoming it.

"Fuck," she cursed, her hips beginning to thrust forward against your mouth.

"Cum for me again," you demanded, not taking your mouth off of her and curled both of your fingers inside her.

"(Y/N)," she whimpered out, her head falling back as she finally came. She let out a moan so loud and hot that it echoed through the empty lab, and for a second you worried that she might have been too loud. You could feel her walls tightening even more around your fingers, refusing to let them go. You let out a gasp as she began creaming on your fingers, covering them in soft, sticky, whiteness. Separating from her, the moan that left your mouth at the sight of it was not of your control and the only thought that went through your mind was the word, More.

"Pleeease," you begged her, not giving her a chance to register what you were begging for, and started back thrusting your fingers in her, only this time faster.

"Ah, shit," She cursed, her legs trembling even more, her whole body still sensitive from her previous orgasms.

"Princess-"

"Griot, close off my lab," Shuri demanded the AI, her head still back and her eyes rolled to the back of her head. "(Y/N)-"

"Give it to me," you urged her, plunging your fingers faster and faster into her, smearing more of her cream onto your fingers. "Cum for again. Last one, I promise."

"Oh, I-I'm gonna-" she began stuttering, the hand that was on the back of your head began trying to push you away, but you wouldn't allow it.

Swatting it away, you leaned back in and sucked her clit back into your mouth, moaning around it. Changing the position of your hand, you fucked your fingers deeper and harder into her, hitting her in the spot that you knew would drive her over the edge.

"Oh, fuck," she moaned, and suddenly you felt liquid flooding your fingers. You quickly took them out, but kept your mouth on her clit, sucking her, and letting her splash your face freely. "(Y/N)! Oh Bast!" She screamed, her whole body jerking, her juices still splashing you and now leaking onto the lab floor.

That's my girl, you thought, pulling away from her clit and looking up at her. Her head was thrown all the back, eyes closed, and she was breathing heavily, but even after tasting her cum and her squirt, the absolute look of bliss on her face made you want to put your face back in her pussy. Despite you promising that that was the last orgasm for her, you most definitely would have went back to eating her if it wasn't for the fact that you knew Okoye and Queen Ramonda was waiting on her.

Placing a hand on one of her trembling legs, you quickly grabbed her attention and made her look down to see your wide eyes looking up at her with her juices dripping from your face.

"Sthandwa," she sighed, her whole body loose and tired, and still slightly jerking.

"Thanks, baby," you said, getting up off your knees and standing up, both of them sore from kneeling for so long. "I really wanted to taste you." You placed a soft kiss on her lips which quickly turned more sexual as she reciprocated and even pulled you close to her body, her hand returning back to the back of your head.

"Mm-Shuri," you tried to speak against her lips, but before you could get another word out, she had already entered her tongue in your mouth, tangling it with yours.

"Shur-" you tried to pull away and speak again, but she quickly pulled you back to her.

Still kissing, you placed your hand on her shoulder and tried to separate from her lips, the action bringing a hum of disapproval from her.

"Shuri, your mom," you reminded her, your lips now swollen and covered still in her juices.

"Oh, right," she nodded, her whole face still holding a look of bliss. "Griot!"

"Yes, princess?"

"Please send my mother a message informing her that I'll introduce my invention tomorrow."

"Yes, princess."

"Come here," she told you, pulling you back to her lips. You weren't expecting this but you weren't complaining, glad to have more of her.

[dudeshusband]

I know having people talk to you from behind a screen isn't fulfilling, and definitely doesn't make up for the love you should be receiving from friends and family irl, but I promise I really only mean the best when I say I care about you. Maybe it's a drop of ink next to an ocean of water, but that's the best I can do and i want to give you that much.

And I don't think you're being unreasonable, I just think there's a difference between what is presently happening and what is speculation on the future. Saying "I am lonely" isn't unreasonable, it's your feelings and that's completely valid, I'm not trying to argue with that. But saying "we wouldn't be friends if we met irl" is self-derisive speculation and honestly comes across as a little... defeatist, maybe? That's not the word I want, I don't mean it to sound that harsh, but I think the part we may find "unreasonable" is the way you brush most of our attempts to comfort you off as "well you wouldn't care" when at the core of it, do you really know we wouldn't? You're assuming we'll stop caring because that's the value you place on yourself, but that doesn't mean we place the same value on you. You're your own worst critic, and I promise that voice in your head is not the same voice we all hear when we think about you. I think you're an intelligent, caring, and genuinely thoughtful person, and whether you believe it or not, I really DO think we would be friends irl

I know it probably doesn't help as much as I'd want it to, but I'm not sure what else I can do. It really hurts to see you beat yourself up, especially when that turns into this projection about how you expect to be treated. I want to be your friend. Online and irl. I wish I could know you in real life, because you seem like a genuinely interesting person and someone I would like to know.

And this isn't coming from nowhere, by the way. I was intensely isolated during my early teen years due to medical issues and it absolutely stunted my social life, I was incredibly lonely and felt like every friendship I had was temporary and I still sometimes slip into those thought patterns, but I can speak from experience when I say that if you keep believing everyone will leave you, you will unconsciously end up driving people away.

Tell yourself that you're worthy of friendship, because you are. Even if you don't believe it right now, you are. It will get better - and please don't brush this off as "maybe it did for you but I'm different", because I was in the same place. I was horribly depressed, lonely, and in pain, and it led to suicidal ideation; I understand what you're feeling. It sucks, and you have to fight for it, and there are times when it's utterly exhausting, but it will get better if you try to start training out those damaging thought processes.

i don't want to. I admit it. i don't want to fight for anything. i want to quit. i don't want to keep trying to be friends with people. i don't want to exist anymore. i don't see the point. I'm defeated and i want it to be over now.

i'm not capable of thinking I'm worthy of love. I'm bad at keeping people around. i can't convince myself of anything that i can't prove. i can't be a person. i don't want to be a person anymore.

i don't want people to block me over drama i'm not involved in anymore. i don't want people to stop talking to me no matter how many times i try to pick up a conversation again anymore. I'm tired of everyone leaving me no matter how good of a friend i try to be. people don't value my friendship. they don't. i'm not cut out for this. I'm no good at making friends or keeping friends or anything social. I can't figure it out.

i have no one that makes this fight worth fighting. i hate me. i can't like me. i try and it doesn't work. i hate my body more than anything in the world and it hates me.

[skishie]

omga i love your airphone gijinkas

anyways i uave no idea if youve already said this somewhere ,my memory sucks ,but how do you reckon airy and mephone met. what is ur perosnal headcanon. grabby hands i must know (i love airphon

UUWAAAA THANK YOU !!! im really glad you do... looks up at you so politely and with a big smile.. i want to draw them again but better and more like a ref so hopefully soon! :D aaaatehee heeee i have not spoken about it publicly so im more than open to go into it now... cracks my knuckles(its actually not that intense but i jsut have a lot of thoughts)

OKAY, so personally i like to think about it starting after airy dies the second time(the end of ONE). its nice for him to still have gone through everything hes done and experienced because its what makes him him. he needs to be the airy we know and love. this also allows for bonding and growth and other such things. anyways, he uses the radio and ends up in the world of inanimate insanity! this would also take place after season 3 has wrapped up, either before or after the library is built. this means he can meet mephone and they can start bonding over being hosts of game shows but as airy talks mephone starts to understand "wow he just like me, but i got better, and now i want to help him" so mephone feels this need to help airy out with the same growth that mephone jsut went through. but also anyone whos been through the isolation that airy has been through along with dying who knows how many times. mephone just wants to help him and help his mental state and get him resocialized and to a point where he understands why he should be a bit more thoughtful or so on and whatever. airy would still be his old self but a bit more caring/understanding to a degree. i think hes just got some mental problems going on and hes just kind of an odd guy. mephone lets him hang around and either they could MAYBE? co host together, but at first hes just watching mephone do a show first before anything like that. which he watches from afar. hes not so used to being upclose or even being around people anymore so he likes to watch from a distance. as time goes on yada yada mephone would develop feelings first, and airy would much later. mephone would develop feelings while helping airy and such, airy takes a lot longer because he is readjusting and just, getting some basic social skills back. i like them in part because i just see mephone having gone through the growth he went through because he was similar to airy, and then meeting airy after this and realizing "wow i should help him too because this is just how i was and id hate to see someone else suffer the way i did" kind of thing and blah blah idk sorry i yapped and i hope any of this makes sense/is readable period. i ramble a lot and my thoughts kind of get lost oops. im not great with words or wording things well. not everything is thought out but those are my thoughts :] ps: airy still has the cracked head because thats just how i personally like to see him and draw him. i also think that if he died and came back that after all hes done, thats more akin to who he is now. hes a broken individual who needs help/fixing. if that makes sense(also a bit of self projecting) pps: my boyfriend wanted to add his two cents for what he knows of mephone as well(hes not finished season 3 yet) and yknow,,, hes right i think its a mix of what i said and mix of what he said... which is: "wow he just like me for real, not anymore though, also this guy's committed some major fucked up stuff and that's just not right, if i fix this guy maybe it'll look really good for me"

[conanssummerchild]

do you have any headcanons for thatonerick HEHEHEHE

-mun of thatonerick / @illuminatedkat

HEHEHEHE yes i do, mostly angst >:)

ok so i mean a quite obvious one would be he still holds a lot of guilt about who she was when he dated butterfly

they probably have simultaneously commitment issues (due to her fear that hes making peoples lifes worse by being in them) and abandonment issues bcs no one has ever stayed

her dad probably sucked (daddy issuessss)

they never felt fully loved and accepted by anyone (always felt like they had to be someone else for ppl to like him) until they met metal, which means she loves him so so strongly but also hes terrified that he'll leave her BUT also hes terrified that theyre holding metal back by making him love her hehe >:)

getting randomer here but he like doesnt like cauliflower or however u spell it :/

he likes summer child by conan gray (what is "projecting" never heard of it 🤨)

hm maybe they just like kinda dissapear for periods at a time either bcs hes isolating or he just hyperfixtated on smth so hard that she needs to concentrate on that idk. smth

im pretty sure i remember him saying he played the guitar so im saying maybe she writes her own songs and theyre so fucking angsty bcs hes an angsty loser (affectionate <3)

they didnt do well in school. ik shes like "the smartest man in the universe" or whatever but like i could go on for days about how fucked the school system is (idk abt the american one so much but the spanish one for sure) and how its designed for neurotypicals so sue me, in my mind rick didnt do well in school and maybe even dropped out, maybe got bullied also

they often dont leave their house for weeks or months on end and often forget to take care of her basic needs tasks (eat, shower, etc) and metal will go over and help remind her and in turn he does the same for metal if he needs reminders also :)

ok im done, got a bit carried away there hehehehe, i will never get tired of coming up with angst hc's and even some fluffy ones?? damn what happened to me im getting soft ig

anyway if u hate these um a parasitic alien worm invaded my brain and its his fault /j

i didnt go into heavier and like darker angst bcs i felt like it might not be appropriate to for a character that isnt mine lol 😭

[gottfrieds]

Not to be obvious, but Aglovale for the character meme. I like hearing your thoughts on him

First impression: "is this guy any good?" b/c I pulled his gacha unit before I got to Frost and Flames. I tweeted this sentiment and got a "he sucked but kinda improved" from one friend and "PERCIVAL'S SHITTY BROTHER" from Lio which was confusing to say the least

I also did his first fate ep so I was like. okay so I'm getting the vibes he fucked up but is trying to be better. love that. I can feel fine putting him on my water team

Impression now: he's everything ♡

okay but to be serious I think he is one of gbf's well-written characters in his progression, backstory, actions. I love that they have a very real portrayal of grief in him, the ways it eats at you when left unhealed, the affects the fear of everyone around you would have on the psyche and how he is still unlearning some of that. how atonement is a process that doesn't just end after one big gesture, how improvement both in statecraft and in personhood is sometimes difficult and imperfect. and in all that they also managed to make it so clear that he's a doting elder brother, and also ALSO that he's definitely got some parentification to him (I swear I'm not just projecting). even small details like how his pledges in light Percy fate are the elements that ultimately lead to Herzeloyde’s death, or even how his very very funny and cute gap moe about things says so much about how isolated he became growing up. they packed SO much into this fucking guy I go insane.

Favorite moment: VERY HARD OH MY GOD but man did he truly shine to In Each His Ideal. idc that we got cheaply thrown an excuse for Grand Percy in that one, that event belonged to Aglovale and Lamorak. and while there's SO much I could say in there alone, like the moment he willingly cuts through the visages of their parents because he accepts that death cannot just be undone, even though he almost unleashed hell to try it himself like a year prior,

it's actually after that, when he finds Lamorak.

I love the display of both sheer intelligence and the clear show of love and attention in how Aglovale put together, having never even seen Lusor before, that it was Lam. because he cares and he's always been looking after his little brothers and so he remembers. and when he corners wounded Lam as Lusor he's poised like he's ready for conflict, because he is. he is cold and commanding and ready and it all snaps in a SECOND the moment he realizes his brother is hurt.

it's the way he is at Lamorak's side in a second, all the indiscretions gone from his mind because it is happening again and it cannot, he's just found the last remaining member of his family again, so he cannot die here. and he won't! it's how for all his insistence on taking the harsh road, as always, the love shines through, because he's promising everything will be okay and they'll keep him safe in Wales and they can all be together again. it's all he fucking wants and I'm so emotional

Idea for a story: this is less an idea so much as a demand but cygames show us his typical bad disguise. yukata alt sorta showed us what his "undercover" times are like and they keep confirming the headcanons that I have in fact even put in one of my fics but I wanna know so bad he's such a DORK

Unpopular opinion: I don't think he's fucking Siegfried. No, I don't think he's fucking Tor, either. also idk if it's actually unpopular or not but Aglovale is a bisexual. I know my kind.

Favorite relationship: aglomora-

but if we're sticking to canon, it's obviously gotta be the bond with his brothers, no? complicated as siblings can be, but he's so clearly been firmly ride or die for them since youth. boy was ready to sacrifice himself at least twice for them. and basically did moreso by taking on the task of being heir, since they've p much said outright Gahmuret was very strict.

tho I also wanna mention real quick I ADORE the way Lyria hits him w/the -san it's like everyone else is constantly reverent, respectful, he's the KING and Lyria comes in like "hi mr. aglovale :3" she's so cute

Favorite headcanon: [points] BISEXUAL

but if you want something I didn’t say before, we hc he has bunnies

[kulekrizpy]

fixed stranger things season 4 finale

there was actually a lot i liked about this season! there was also i did NOT like

-russia plot should've been 3 eps at the maximum. come up with something for the adults to do after that

-hopper reunion should've been middle of the season. it was all build-up and so little payoff. i propose he and joyce land back in the states and learn el was abducted and the boys are missing. maybe murray figures out a way to track them. then joyce and hopper go to save their fucking daughter!! perhaps they are a day or so behind the boys, so they still get their little journey. or maybe they land somewhere else and converge on el's location

-after that, one, MAYBE TWO, eps before the NINA plot is resolved

-el and hopper deserved to be a family on screen. their relationship is important. and now even more so. they both understand what it's like to be imprisoned and tortured... they thought they wouldn't see each other again. why do the duffer brothers do this to me

-joyce and hopper could've gone on a date, had a stakeout that sort of counted as a date, something

-too much papa. mf should've been dead ages ago

-i think el deserved to kill him

-just wanted the whole group to be able to coordinate. and the adults to BE THERE AT ALL.

-nancy and jonathon should've been able to meet much earlier in the season to give them time to actually interact in the awkward state of their relationship. to talk...... this goes for a lot of characters. we stick thru the show for the characters, let us see them together!!

this ended up way long... more under the cut

-how do the parents of the rest of the kids still not know what's going on?? they should have some hint

-also erica snitching to the cops ?! cmon girl 😭

-chrissy and eddie were both acted so well. the duffers keep creating these great characters and wasting their potential 😭

-eddie cutting the rope and moving the mattress :| bad decision. i guess it was to buy more time but augh. yknow, if they'd had an adult with them..... (also still do not understand how the rope works. wonder if it was a reference to Rope Trick in D&D)

-any of the young adults walking away from each other in the upside down was a dumb move. i could barely concentrate on the contrived romantic drama bc i kept thinking "robin HAS to have stepped on a tentacle by now"

-when whatshisface was yelling about how chrissy wouldn't buy drugs, that she wasn't going thru anything bc she never talked about it, lucas should've had lines relating to his experience with max. that people isolate themselves and feel like they can't talk to the ones they care about. even if it didn't calm whathisface down, i think it would've been a good and true attempt, and it would've tied into the themes of the season

-when lucas punched out that hateful prick and was free, LUCAS' VOICE SHOULD'VE PULLED MAX OUT. if her favorite song works, why not a favorite voice?! he and el pulling her out together would've been so amazing...

-for that matter the decision to take off her headphones at all sucked

-in my opinion max's fate was far too brutal. jesus christ. she didn't deserve that. one broken arm would've been traumatizing enough. if it's for a plot in the future, they still could've made her blind since the process had already started. and i'm scared she is paralyzed. like, just. what the fuck man. hasn't she dealt with enough?!

-not to mention lucas and el watching that... :( i was stricken over that scene. too many tortured kids this season

-someone else could've died to complete the portal. not that i wanted more brenner, but what if they had utilized his character that way? maybe he comes after el (he sees her as his project, his life's work... her escaping while he still lived wouldn't be uncontested). maybe el actually kills him in place of vecna killing max, and the portal is opened anyway. then you could've had a vecna invasion as the finale

-this way you can still have el feel guilty and give her more development (max could be somewhat hurt, but add in killing brenner and completing vecna's portal and vecna has some great manipulation material for next season. "you're just like me eleven, you hurt the ones who hurt you and helped me complete my portal...")

-pacing was terrible. should've put the volunteer scene with robin and the cute girl in the beginning of the season, or at least before the climax. they left so many subplots going so long they had to resolve them all at the end, so it felt both packed in and much too long

-every scene was too long. it's like they were given all this time, and rather than make good use of it, they just stretched out the original hour-long plots

-gonna have an negative pavlov response to joyce wearing a hat now. i cannot explain how aggravating the russia plot was. every episode i thought "it MUST be over by now!" and then THEY DIDN'T EVEN LEAVE RUSSIA UNTIL AFTER THE CLIMAX OF THE SEASON. if it was due to a scheduling conflict they really should've figured something else out

-this show is about mommy issues. lean into it

-GIVE WILL AND MAX POWERSSSSS

-if there is not a flamethrower per person next season what is anyone even doing

[springfallendeer]

Just a general thanks

To everyone who started following/interacting recently. I really appreciate the interactions that I do get here.

The holidays tend to be a rough time of the year as is, and some years the seasonal depression hits harder than others. Even now, six hours to new years where I’m at. Its hitting pretty rough. Honestly guys, just don’t bother reading beneath the cut. Its depressing and I don’t want to be dragging anyone down. This is just something to try and process some emotions.

I’ve been on tumblr for years. I met some of my closest friends here, years ago. One of which eventually went on to save me from homelessness after a long, long string of horrible life events.

I’m one of those examples of how horrible life can be. My mother was horribly abusive to myself and my siblings, physically and mentally. I grew up isolated and never really having friends. I was the weird kid that couldn’t really form bonds with people. Because I was one of those kids that got fucked over by the medical system, I spent the first 12 years of my life drugged out of my mind on ADHD meds that did weird shit to me.

Life has been a process. The holiday season always sucked, because it just made me more aware of how bad off I was compared to everyone else. My mother was the black sheep, and I was her spawn. In the rare event that we went to a family event, we were excluded. So my early Christmases were spent watching everyone else gets presents. Because they were family events, everyone had to sit around and watch as everyone opened gifts. One by one.

My mother was stingy and she cared more about herself than about providing comforts to her children. There were always money issues. By the time I was in my teenage years, I learned never to expect gifts. Not real gifts. The best I could ask for was to go out to eat on my birthday. Any time I was given a real gift - something like a game console, or a laptop - there were strings attached. I was made to feel guilty every time I wanted something.

I still struggle to come up with any sort of an idea for what I’d want when asked what I’d like for Christmas/my birthday. So right now I am struggling. And its a struggle that tends to mix and mingle with other emotional distresses in my life.

I genuinely have a tough time most days, because even though I’m living with and often around friends, I feel alone. And its one of those things where I feel guilty for being lonely. Because its not really anyone’s fault. I just don’t enjoy a lot of the content that my friends enjoy. And by the time I get around to getting interest in something they do enjoy, they’ve moved on to something else.

So even though I enjoy writing and roleplaying and playing games, I just don’t get too. Because my interests never get to line up with the group, I’m the odd one out. The one left out of everything. And by now I’ve just stopped trying to be included, because it just led to additional hurt feelings. It always kinda sucks to finally get someone to roleplay with you, only for you to stop getting responses after 2-3 goes. Meanwhile the friends you were roleplaying with are just, busy with each other. Constantly.

And it is constant. Its a daily thing. Often all day. And while I’ve tried to nicely bring up that I’m feeling left out, its never led to much. You can’t force someone to want to engage in something if they aren’t interested in. And this has been going on for a few years, unfortunately.

In November I caught covid. While I was sick with covid, I somehow discovered the DCA in security breach. And for whatever reason, I just kinda fell in love with them. Again, there were attempts at getting involved in the friend group. But again, I’d developed my interest in something just a little too late. They were back into Pokemon, thanks to the recent release. And I’ve already gotten into Pokemon, only to be swiftly left behind a few days after. More than once.

So I started writing a personal project. And I started to post it. But everywhere I’d ever been active has been dead for years, and the audience I had, existed for a fandom that I can no longer stand to associate with. On pretty much every platform, interactions are dead silent.

Then I start looking into it and I realized that nothing I was posting was even turning up in the tumblr search option. And I’m still trying to get that sorted. And I was just sat here getting more emotionally frustrated. Because God, it really fucking sucks to feel alone all the fucking time. It really fucking sucks to enjoy something only for that love to slowly get sucked out of you because nothing ever seems to give you a break.

Then suddenly, someone took notice. And while I’m not getting a lot of traction on anything, its the most I’ve had in YEARS. And its great. And I feel stupid that it makes me so happy. And it upsets me, because after years of these interactions in personal friends groups - where I finally get involved with something and get to enjoy it, only to be left behind to my own devices. Alone with nothing by my own thoughts for entertainment.

And I know it can happen here. And it sucks. Because its nice to be able to just sit around doing silly shit and being able to enjoy stupid, silly interactions with other people. Especially after horrible days at work or just horrible days with my own thoughts. So I’m excited but I’m scared. I want to sit here and hope things will just continue. That I’ll have those 2-3 people that I might get lucky and be able to maintain a consistent interest with. All the while its just going to eat at the back of my head that in the near future, its all going to be gone and I’m going to be alone again.

And I just don’t really know what to do about it. So I’m trying to enjoy it while it lasts, but its hard. Early life fucked me up and ruined me. Adult life is harder to process. And regardless of whatever might happen, I don’t really have any sort of control over it.

[bubblesbenson]

College professors: Please let us know about your needs and accommodations! We’ll help you the best we can!

Me: Oh, good. I want to tell you that not only I’m autistic but I have a very hard time socializing with other people in my age group, 18 to 25, because of a few incidents in high school. A community college made my social anxiety worse, and now I can only mostly relate to people over 30 because I felt as if I was being picked on in that community college. I get very anxious with group projects. Is it possible if I can work on certain assignments/projects by myself?

College professors: Sorry, this is the real world, so you’re going to have to suck it up and be around the classmates I picked for you to work with for your projects. And if you still can’t get over your anxiety around your classmates, well, that’s not our fault.

Me: …

My fall college semester summed up in this post. I wish I didn’t have a hard time with an online class in 2016 (or 2017?) and kept up with the schedule, because if I would have known in hindsight, I would have spent the rest of my time in college online. I genuinely don’t care if I would have socially isolated myself for 5 years. I’m sorry to bring up 2020 and COVID, but being socially distant from my college was my best moment in college.

This semester has been a disaster. I’m supposed to graduate less than a month now, but I have straight Cs on top of stressing out over my group projects. I tried to get accommodated from the group projects, but it genuinely seemed like my professors wouldn’t try and find something else for me to do.

I don’t understand why teachers or professors don’t understand that there are people who just can’t work with other people and can be too overwhelmed by others.

On top of this semester being too stressful, I was trying to plan a graduation party, and a lot of people I invited aren’t even able to attend. That party was the one thing I wanted to go right, and that’s not going to happen. I already don’t have friends in college, so I just wanted to be around people who I consider my friends.

Thank you for letting me rant.

[renewherself]

A Silly Sign from the Universe

I've been having a bad year. I quit my job in 2022. It was a dead-end job with long work hours, shit pay, and nonstop stressful assignments with constantly changing goalposts. But it was still more or less a stable source of income. I spent all of 2023 trying to find a new job and failing. I've seen so many headlines about writers being laid off. The percentage of job listings for writer positions that are for writing AI content keeps going up. I only have enough money in my bank account to pay for half a year more of living expenses. I wasn't able to renew my health insurance for 2024. Productivity is difficult when I have to fight everyday against the debilitating effects of untreated depression. I'm constantly on edge, not knowing when my flatmate will get sick of me invading her apartment and kick me out. I feel like I lost a month working on a friend's academic project that can't even make the claim that it'll pay me in exposure. My flatmate tested positive for COVID last week and I've been holed up in this room to avoid being infected by her if I'm not already and to avoid infecting others if I already have been. Neighborhood friends dropped by today to drop off food from a New Year's Eve brunch and to wave at me from a safe distance while I collected the bag and I nearly burst into tears because it was a precaution I would have taken myself if they hadn't, but the experience of seeing them so put-together and happy from afar was too much for me and made me feel even more isolated and alone.

Earlier today, I thought to myself sourly that when midnight rolled around, I would likely be stuck doing exactly what I had been doing this entire last week, this last year: scrolling through job ads and wrestling with code someone else had broken and expected me to fix for no compensation. And that would be how my new year started, colouring the rest of the year to come.

I finished coding early. I finished scrolling through job ads early. I booted up critically-acclaimed MMO Final Fantasy XIV to do my chores a.k.a. try to level Monk up to 70. I had had a large mimosa, the ingredients for which had been in the care package from earlier in the day. I was very tipsy and worn-out and couldn't bring myself to even care about trying to do my rotation correctly. I go through the daily roulettes. Lost City of Ampador (Hard) for the level 50/60/etc roulette. Nice. Shisui of the Violet Tides for the Leveling roulette. Nice. Labyrinth of the Ancients for the Alliance Raid roulette. Well, at least it's not Syrcus Tower. Trial roulette. The queue pops instantly and it's an ongoing duty. I blink. Enter and it's The Chrysalis. Three DPS and a healer. No tanks. Ah.

I stay. It turns out on the last attempt someone disconnected right before the part where you're supposed to use a Limit Break to burst down an add before the party wipes to meteors, leaving the party without a Limit Break. A healer joins. Then a tank. I wonder aloud whether the queue would send me back to this instance were I to leave and requeue as a tank. The Samurai in the party says they'll give it a try. They leave. A different DPS and a tank immediately join. RIP Samurai. Your sacrifice was unnecessary but appreciated.

The trial proceeds uneventfully until the boss is down to about 15% health. One of the other DPS members starts casting the Limit Break, presumably not realising we were going to need it shortly for that one add. The Red Mage and one of the tanks scream in horror. Then, miraculously, the would-be Limit Breaker and herald of our wipe actually reads chat and cancels the cast in time. A collective sigh of relief is heard. We get sucked into the vortex, the add spawns, I get to use the Limit Break on it and punch it into oblivion.

The duty concludes. A round of GGs is had, I wish everyone Happy New Year, and then I exit the duty and realise it is indeed the new year, the clock having ticked over roughly some time while we were panicking about a possible wipe. Someone has said the word "fullerene" in the group chat and summoned me from the void. I unleash my unholy wrath upon them and they bid me return to the vessel from whence I came, whether it be a lamp or a bottle. I respond, in part as a morbid joke I expected only myself to be in on, that I would return to the uterus. They say no, you can't do that, and I am flummoxed by the uncharacteristic abruptness. I wonder if my clandestine moment of dark humour had been caught.

A few minutes later, I remember the name of the trial I had been in and revive the earlier conversation to joke that that way the vessel I had been in and to which I would now return. I pause as a memory stirs. A post had come out of my Tumblr queue two days ago. Something about a chrysalis. It talked about how it is a long painful process, the process of healing. How the caterpillar tucks itself into a cocoon when it finally feels safe enough to do so and must first dissolve into a disgusting slurry in order to metamorphose into what it was meant to be.

I start crying.

[deadg0ds-pad]

with squenix having constant bombs and tanking stocks, it’s honestly safe to say they might not be in business much longer or will at least have to sell off some of its properties. i’m not going to say this isn’t undeserved because trust me it 100% is. i hate them as a company with a burning passion and their actions over the last decade or so makes this a wonderful dose of karma. however, i really feel bad for the staff and the man the myth the legend nomura.

disregarding the nft game they still might go through with (fuck nfts fuck crypto don’t support this), there’s still a great amount of people trying on their games that do deserve credit. yeah there’s some stinkers but i do think at this point it’s due to how the higher ups have been treating their properties and their staff. even in shit like babylon’s fall there was a clear idea there and interesting concepts. there is some effort that should be recognized but someone higher up in the company clearly loves live services and microtransactions since that’s been plaguing recent ips and i doubt the actual team wanted it. nomura in particular i wanna throw out there since god seeing your creations be hollowed out and turned into cash grabs must suck, but after looking and learning about the history of the ff7 remake, apparently the higher ups decided it would be smart to put him in charge of writing for projects without his consent, likely due to his big name. i do think it shows in both how he talks about stuff, how he’s juggling a bunch of projects, and the pressure japanese companies put on employees being infamously horrendous.

i love twewy for a bunch of reasons but one reason is that it felt like someone cared and nomura is that someone. it’s pretty much his baby (and i mean with all the attention to detail and how minamimoto’s outfit is taken from nomura’s wardrobe it shows), and while i never thought twewy needed a sequel, it’s clear nomura did and i heavily respect that. even in ntwewy there’s evidence there’s a sequel being thought up. this is the most i’ve ever seen of a high profile member of a high profile company getting involved with their work. it hurts knowing ntwewy bombed through no fault of its own—the game wasn’t advertised much, and with squenix constantly comparing smaller niche franchises to their moneymakers final fantasy and kingdom hearts (also it doesn’t contain scummy ways to milk the consumer like a few recent releases), yeah that meant automatic failure in their eyes. it was an unfair situation that feels pretty deliberate to an extent. this isn’t an isolated incident, twewy just happens to be a perfect example of what happens when someone or a team doesn’t bend to the will of the higher ups.

there’s a lot that shows nomura still wants to carry on with his creations despite all that’s been thrown at him and i really hope, along with other small devs with big dreams working with squenix, there’s some light at the end of the tunnel. i want him to be able to leave with the rights to at least one property and all. i hope this is a platinumgames situation. squenix can’t afford to lose nomura or anyone else but i hope somehow they can all get out of the horrible situation they’re in. this is more than just a hope for another entry in a great franchise. it’s beyond that. please do give love and support to staff members of squenix especially once it goes under yet please don’t ignore what the top dogs are doing and do prepare for worse news.

[oldmanbayou]

2022 survey

I have updated my Livejournal every single year around this time of year with this same exact survey for the past 20 years. I don't keep an active livejournal anymore, but my memory for things sucks when I don't write them down. So the documentation is of personal value to me and something I like to shuffle through and look back on every so often. Hence why I make it a point to continue my tradition and make that one update every year.

Now that I've freed myself from the shackles of 140 characters, I suppose I can just leave it here!

1. How did you ring in the new year for 2022? I couldn't remember anything about it so checked my twitter and this is what it has revealed: "I missed new years because I was too busy trying to get a damn hard drive that’s been dead for 10+ years to work. I WILL GET THIS THING TO WORK BY 2023 AND FIND OUT WHAT’S ON IT STOP TELLING ME TO GO TO BED."

(note: I spent the bulk of January on this thing and never got the hard drive to work.)

2. Who did you kiss at midnight/your first kiss in 2022? Ames probably.

3. What did you do in 2022 that you'd never done before?: Managed to successfully grow winter squash from seed to harvest for the first time. I've tried growing winter squash every single year I've had a garden and they always had a good start, but they take so long to mature that much can go wrong and I never actually made it to the end! Until THIS year.

4. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn't make any. My resolution for next year is to opt out of sibling/in-laws birthdays, not out of dislike for my siblings, but because having to take the time to shop for someone's birthday every single month has become a point of stress for me. It was fine when there were 4 birthdays to worry about in my family, but with all the marriages and births, now there's 12 to consider and I can't keep up and then I just feel like an asshole. So yeah, no more birthdays. Sorry, guys.

5. Did anyone close to you give birth?: Honestly, I have been remarkably checked out this year and haven't been paying any attention whatsoever to anyone's personal news and it's been absolutely grand. I have a vague memory of receiving an invitation to someone's baby shower some time this year but I never RSVP'd and now I can't remember for the life of me who it was for. Do I care? Nope!

6. Did anyone close to you die?: hmmmm I should probably check on that one.

7. What places did you visit?: Disney World, Indianapolis, Erie Pennsylvania

8. What would you like to have in 2023 that you lacked in 2022?: Organizational skills.

9. What dates from 2022 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?: Fuck if I know, I haven't known what the date is since January 1st.

10. What was your biggest achievement of the year?: The garden.

11. What was your biggest failure?: I can't keep my house tidy.

12. Did you suffer illness or injury?: I have caught every single motherfucking virus ever known to man this year and feel like I've spent more days getting over another goddamn cold than I've spent feeling well and healthy. Whether I'm diligently masking with an N95 or not, whether I've been around a crowd of people or 1 nonsick friend outdoors nowhere even near anyone else, I seem to get sick almost every time I dare leave the house. Various people have asked me "are you immunocompromised?" so many times in the past year that I'm starting to wonder if I should get tested for something? I dunno. On top of catching just about everything under the sun like a toddler new at life, I have been testing positive on the covid rapid tests made by Roche, and ONLY Roche, consistently since June 30th. It's totally a joke now and I test every month on the 30th just to check on the status and make sure I still have my supernatural powers, but when it was new news, it super fucked up my summer and I wasted most of July feeling anxious and isolating just in case I'm diseased and putting a hold on house projects requiring help and continued to miss out on summertime outings just like the last two pandemic years because even after multiple PCR tests to confirm the test is bullshit, like, pretty much no one was willing to be around me, the weird ass diseased freak with chronic covid. Not that I blame them, I wouldn't want to be around me either knowing my track record! (Ames, if you're reading this, thank you so muchly for so bravely going to the beach with me. That was the highlight of my whole summer and makes it feel like it wasn't a TOTAL wash). Also I got my bivalent booster the day it came out, it wiped me the fuck out for 3 days, and then I caught real covid anyway a week later, my second breakthrough infection in less than a year lmao (for the record, NO, I'm NOT counting roche covid). Also got my flu shot and what do you know, I got the flu a month later. Whee. (I am not at all implying vaccines don't work, just that my immune system's a garbage idiot.) So please forgive me that I've been enormously fed up and after all of my "will people please just wear a MF mask" campaigning, I too have recently given up on wearing a mask in most circumstances. You all want personal responsibility? This is a two-way street and if you don't care about killing me with your gross plagues, then I sure as hell don't care about killing you.

13. What was the best thing you bought?: I am so torn between overalls from Duluth and the rabbitruck! The overalls have been lifechanging, but the rabbitruck is COOL.

14. Whose events required celebration?: Grimey performed with John Hodgman on stage.

15. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?: it's between the supreme court and the new dark lord of twitter and I'm ashamed that I'm putting them on the same level.

16. Where did most of your money go?: probably house projects

17. What did you get really, really, really excited about?: fried paneer at Epcot and pea blossoms

18. What song will always remind you of 2022?: my 2022 music craze has been space age tiki lounge music.

Compared to this time last year, are you: a) Happier or sadder?: happier

b) Thinner or fatter?: Fatter I guess? I honestly don't know, I haven't weighed myself in like a year. I think I was probably anorexic last year though.

c) Richer or poorer?: richer

19. What do you wish you'd done more of?: engaging in summer and fall traditions, seeing my siblings/niece/nephew

20. What do you wish you'd done less of?: roche covid isolating

21. Did you fall in love in 2022?: no

22. How many one-night stands?: No.

23. How many people did you kiss? No.

24. What was your favourite TV program?: I watched and half-paid attention to the plant series David Attenborodid and enjoyed it, whatever it was called.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?: I've been so unaware of the happenings of others that no, not really. The certain hypocrites in the media who have been a particular outrage this year I very much hated before, so I can't really consider them.

26. What was the best book you read?: I can barely get through a tweet without feeling bored and wanting to move on, nevermind an entire book.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?: Kate Bush

28. What did you want and get?: rabbitruck and a cricut maker

29. What did you want and not get?: brussel sprouts

30. What was your favorite film of this year?: I watched one film, I don't remember what it was, I quickly regretted it, it was long and miserably boring like almost every other movie made after 1997 is, I will never attempt to watch anything ever again, I am extremely elderly.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?: I turned 38. We went to the Brimfield Antiques Faire and I bought a bunch of old stuff.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: having civil rights, not having manmade climate change

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020?: overalls

34. What kept you sane?: psych meds

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?: Link

36. What political issue stirred you the most?: Roe

37. Who do you miss?: my niece and nephew

38. Who was the best new person you met?: have I met any new people.....hmm...hmm....no, no I have not.

39. Who were your closest friends in 2022? Ames, Erin, Justus, Kelly, Jessie

40. What are you doing to ring in 2023? Grimey's not going to be home so probably getting into shenanigans that he'd get all stressed and worked up about like a skittish cat if I did it while he's home like tearing down the ugly stained drop ceiling in the dining room that I know under all the tiles is piles and piles of mouse shit and ripped up bags of insulation, and the knowledge peeves me every time I go in there. OR I might just fuck it all and play Zelda until 4:00 AM.

41. Who do you plan on kissing to ring in 2023? Ames

42. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2022: If other people are ok with spreading death and disease, then they must also be ok with receiving it, so let them have at it.

[diaryofaprettyprincess]

dark!yandere/obsessed!eddie munson :0 they get into a fight and reader wants to break up so he does something about it... (btw love your writing!)

poor reader :,(

note: this kinda sucks bc i wrote it on my lunch break at work earlier and then was too lazy to revise lol.. also.. this is very dark so be aware and read the CW.

CW: obsessed!eddie munson x innocent!fem!reader (doesnt need to be innocent could be just naive), HINTS of crybaby!reader but tbh who wouldnt be crying in this situation, mean!eddie (obviously) toxic relationship, power dynamic, fighting (not physically), violent!eddie munson, angst, nicknames, eddie puts his hand around y/n's throat, jealous!eddie, dark!eddie munson, CNC (kinda), unprotected sex, possessive!eddie, no prep before sex, abusive relationship, tw: abuse

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

eddie and you have datd for a good few months now. at first he was sweet, caring, and kind..but then things took a turn for the worse. eddie became too posessive, too jealous, and being in a relationship with him became exhausting. he isolated you from your other friends telling you that you didn't need anyone else but him. you came to the conclusion to break up with him; even if that made you nervous.

you talked to him as calmly as you could when you went over to his trailer one day, forgetting that his uncle wouldn't be home. sitting eddie in the living room, you kindly explained (as to not upset him (eddie was scary when he got upset)) that you needed a break.

eddie's face dropped, his hand pulling away from yours that were sitting sweaty on your lap, shaking. for a moment, you missed his warm touch. "what do you mean you want to break up?"

"i-i need some time alone eddie, 'm sorry," you whispered, swallowing back the growing lump in your throat of nerves and anxiety.

he stood up, pacing shortly for a moment before turning to you. "this is about him, isn't it?"

you could tell he was about to get really scary, and tears started brimming in your confused, glossy eyes as you asked, "a-about who?"

you hated that your voice was meek and trembling, you could barely contain your anxiety.

"oh don't give me that fucking bull shit, y/n. you know who the fuck i'm talking about..." his voice was tense, omitting anger from every pore. you shook your head, tears already streaming down your face.

"i swear i don't! who 'r you talking about?"

"don't play dumb with me, goddammit! Carter O'Niel!" he enthused, throwing his hands outwards, his rings glinting from the soft lights of the lamp.

Carter? You barely knew Carter. He was on the wrestling team, and was your partner in a biology project but that was it. it lasted a week and then you barely spoke to him again. Last time you two talked was.. oh god.

Today. Behind the bleachers. Did eddie follow you?! All Carter wanted to talk to you about was buying drugs from eddie because he knew you two were dating. he wanted to keep his doings a secret so he asked to meet you with a note he slipped in your hand in english class...which both you and eddie had together.

"wh-what are-are you fucking him or something?!" eddie yelled, making you flinch, an onslaught of tears still streaming down your face.

your face flushed red at the innapropriate thought. "n-no! ed-eddie i would never do that! i swear! please, i just needa break!"

"Oh," he dragged out, "you just 'need a break!' i don't understand, why so you can fuck him without the guilt of cheating?! i dont- i dont get it...baby, why would you do this to me?" tears began to brim in his eyes, and you stood up, trying to be brave, but your whole entire frame was shaking.

"'m-m sorry, eds, please!"

"do you not love me anymore?! when i said i loved you forever, i meant it, y/n. i fucking meant it! and you.. you just...lied!"

you shook your head, sobbing, "no! i-i meant it, you have to believe me! i love you, i-i" another sob slipped through, "i j-just need a break. youre scary, eddie. you scare me."

eddie turned to you, his jaw ticking. "i scare you? baby, i'm protecting you!" he walked toward you, backing you into a wall, his frame towering over yours.

"n-no, you're s-so mean ta'me. you make me hurt," you sniffled, and eddie's eye softened, causing your body to melt into his as he pressed himself against you. "p-please.." you begged, slightly pushing him away from you, which was obviously not the best idea.

your cries were loud as he turned away, yelling a curse and throwing one of the glass vases across the room.

he stormed over to you, grabbing you by the throat and dragging you to his room before pinning you on the door. you spluttered, shocked and choking as your vision sparkled.

he shook you a little with his hand. "i fucking love you! i cherish you, and this is how you treat me?! y-you can't leave me!" he loosens his hand, allowing you to breathe, but still keeps it in the area, a sort of threat.

"e-eddie," you stammer, wheezing and trying to catch your breath. "m so-sorry!"

catching you by surprise he grabs your chin, squishing your cheeks together and smashing his lips to yours, his body on you.

you whine, gasping for air as he holds you closer with his hand on the back of your head, both of your tears meshing together.

he pulls away, putting his forehead to yours and breathing heavily as he whispers close to your lips, "i love you, princess. I love you so much. i hate when you say shit like this. i hate that you make me get angry, i never wanna hurt you, baby." he peppers light kisses on your lips, holding your face with both of his ring-cladded hands on the sides of your head.

you feel yourself give in.

it's too late.

he's got you where he wants you and you just want him to forgive you and kiss you and hold you.

you hiccup over a small cry, and he shushes you softly, tilting his head to the side to pepper more small kisses on your lips. "youre not gonna leave me, right baby? because you love me so much, and i love you. you're mine and im yours, okay? i love you, i love you, i love you.."

he kisses you gently again, and you sniffle holding on to him and letting him take you to his bed. he kisses your lips, nose, corners of your mouth, eyelids, forehead...everywhere.

"e-eddie, i don wanna be with carter, i-i jus wan you, i never wanted to be with him," you sniffle, and his eyes soften. he breathes in, getting on top of you as he hands you the small teddy bear of yours on his bed. you wrap your hand around the soft plushie.

eddie whispers against your lips as he undoes his zipper, pulling his hardened cock out and stroking it gently, tossing your panties under your skirt to the side, "i know baby, fuck, you're mine."

he thrusts in, fucking you hard and slow, then fast and shallow, holding your hips with his hands and letting the loud sounds of skin smacking fill the air in the room, small moans and whimpers coming from your lips as he kisses away the tears. the stretch burns, but it feels too right.

"mine, mine, mine," he whispers with each thrust, kissing you sloppily and licking your lips with his tongue, then the inside of your mouth with his tongue as you reciprocate, your cunt pulsating around his cock.

"my baby, my sweet baby, hm?" he tucks some hair behind your ears, kissing your cheek and thrusting faster and more animalistic.

"'m yours" you respond.

there's no escape.

[makingspiritualityreal]

Numerology Life Path 7 - Your Birth Card and its Ruling Planet

Numerology Life Path Numbers and their assigned Tarot Card Meaning Series This is a post in my new astrology/numerology/tarot series, that only concerns you, if you are a Life Path 7. Posts on consecutive Life Path Numbers will follow. Originally, I wanted to do them all in one post, but my writing turned out to be so long, I decided to split the post and seperate the Life Path Numbers. The introduction part of the post will be the same for all Life Path Numbers, in case you only read a post about your own Life Path Number, and nothing else. Introduction The concept of a Birth Card links Tarot and Numerology together, in order to deepen our understanding of a vibration of a Life Path Number we are born with. The Birth Card, or rather Birth Cards, are Major Arcana Tarot Cards with assigned numbers, which correlate with Life Path Numbers. Understanding the meaning of tarot cards, mixed with the knowledge of Numerology Vibrations, helps create a more unique vision of your life experience. A person with any given Life Path Number, having several Major Arcana energies present in their lives, usually struggles with one of the energies more than the other. As a result, life will probably force them to focus on mastering one of these energies. In general, however, any Life Path describes both your biggest downfall and ultimate triumph - just like with an Astrology Chart, the highlighted numbers/astrology houses point to your biggest strengths and weaknesses. For a better understanding of this concept, visit my article “Natal Chart - A map of your issues?” Remember, that everyone, besides their Life Path Number and Birth Card also has a unique astrology chart. Thus, for some people embracing the higher expression of their energy is easier, for others it’s harder and it takes more time to master, and some energies become easier to deal with than others. Most human beings are somewhere in between, working on their path and having some achievements while struggling with difficulties at the same time. In the spiritual community, there are differences in opinion on linking Astrological Planets and positions to specific numerology numbers energies. My take is a result of my own personal experience, conversations with other people in my field and research, in order to give you the widest possible spectrum of ideas and increase the understanding of every Life Path Number. If you are a Master Number 11, 22 or 33, there will be a seperate post on how the Birth Cards apply to you as well. Even If you have only a basic understanding of Astrology, Tarot or Numerology, this post will still be helpful to you, because it describes the unique vibrational mix that comes from the expression of both these spiritual sciences mixed together. To calculate which Tarot Cards and what Life Path correspond to your birthday, click here.

Life Path 7 - The Chariot and The Tower

The energies of a Life Path 7 are ruled by the ephemeral, compassionate, wise vibrations of Ketu and Neptune. This can make it one of the most challenging Life Paths to navigate, as it requires a higher level of spiritual mastery and an ability to constantly assume a bigger picture perspective. That is a difficult thing to do in a world so highly revolving around materialistic concepts. Yet, if you are born with this Life Path Number, a certain free-spirited attitude and refusal to be sucked down into too many mundane details is something you need to develop within yourself.

Such a highly spiritual soul purpose associated with a Life Path 7 is due to Ketu being one of the primary rulers of this Life Path Number. Ketu, ruling detachment from the material realm, forces this life path to focus more on the energetic manifestation of their physicality instead of trying to navigate it through practical means. Ketu is also highly analytical, making this people excel at tasks, that require solitude, contemplation of abstract concepts and individual work. These people can make excellent writers or inspired researchers.

The other planet associated with a Life Path 7 is Neptune, the agent of universal, humanitarian compassion. That gives this Life Path a very loving, yet impersonal nature, where they express caring and kindness towards humanity and people in general, but may remain confused in one-on-one relationships. In this way, a Life Path 7 is a flip side of a Life Path 2, who thrives in intimate situations, but should open up more to group activities. A Life Path 7 naturally seeks out crowds, where they can occasionally show up and recharge on their need for a collective exchange of compassionate energy. Yet, in private situations, they can struggle to focus on their partner, open up or truly connect with another, as they are always absorbed in their own little world.

Because of Neptune being such a high vibrational planet and Ketu giving the ultimate higher-dimensional mastery, the spiritual consequences of wrongdoing for this life path are more severe than for others. These people need a moral compass, spiritually, the most of all life paths. In extreme cases, I have seen Life Path 7s fall prey to accidents and disease, if they succumbed to the temptation of their lower instincts.

Because of Neptune's influence on this Life Path there can be a significant difficulty in finding their way out in this material world, which can lead to poverty or other practical problems. If one neglects consulting their higher, intuitive nature and stays within the confines of the material, there may be an illusion of desire for a get rich quick scheme due to an innate lack of practical sense or ability to build without external help. These people, if they overfocus on the material realm, may get frustrated due to lack of dividends or practical rewards, or they may simply waste their resources away due to an internal feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction. If they get overwhelmed with this conflicting energy and forget to search within, they may forget their true purpose altogether. Yet, because of the foggy energy surrounding this Life Path, they don't have the capacity to intellectually or physically fully power through their problems like other life paths do, and they shouldn't even try. The only solution is going with the flow of their natural spiritual direction. That is imperative, as breaking out of this flow causes poverty, debt, sickness, forced isolation and all sorts of trouble in the physical world. Material prosperity will only appear in this person's life proportionate to their level of spiritual prosperity.

Associated Tarot Cards point the way for a Life Path 7 towards assuming a successful direction in this incarnation.

The Tower - This card is the testing moment, when we lose everything that we are used to having around us. But the purpose of this loss is always in our highest good. This is why things fall away at a critical point in our lives, when the foundation is so corrupted it can no longer support itself. The Tower is actually a tool of keeping things in check spiritually, meaning then when things go too far down the wrong direction, the Universe balances it with a Tower moment in order to prevent an imbalanced energy from growing further. The Tower points to this Life Path's ability to discard the excessive burden of material illusions and continuously purge in order to make sure one remains "pure", spiritually, free of self-deception and in tune with one's inner guideline.

The Chariot - The Chariot is linked to Ketu's thoughtless manifestation, that this Life Path possesses. A Life Path 7, regardless of their spiritual inclination, needs a firm direction not to drown in their negativity. Even for this Life Path, their spiritual nature needs to have anchor in the physical world, that keeps them on track with their journey. That anchor is balance, that the Chariot card represents, the balance between their inner shadow and light. A mature Life Path 7 knows how to preserve that balance, and drive that carriage effortlessly.

A Life Path 7 should never choose an easy way out, as it will backfire for them more than for anyone else. Not only will it cause misery internally, but also externally people will mirror it to them and they will be disapproved of for their wrongdoings more than any other Life Path number. It is as if others subconsciously sense their higher nature and place expectations on them to act accordingly with it, so where other Life Paths might get a pass, this Life Path number will not. In reality, it is the Universe's tool to assure that these natives stay on their correct, spiritual path, and it is Life Path 7s themselves that have a high level of subconscious, spiritual analysis and self-judgment. As a result, any negativity that comes their way from the outside is a projection resulting from their own deeply rooted high spiritual expectations, and an internal disappointment, if they are not met.

The best advice a Life Path 7 can hear is that it will always pay off for them practically to be kind and preserve their spiritual integrity. It is essential for this Life Path to realise, that any lower energies they invite for short-term gain will immediately backfire, and deep down they are unhappy with themselves for making any wrong choices in the first place. Ketu has a perfectionist nature to it, and a Life Path 7, whether they realise it or not, has a deep level of internalised spiritual perfectionism. An unaware Life Path 7 can become judgmental, trying to hold others to this high standard that they carry internally, while refusing to face their own actions. This process is simply a mirrored expression of a desire, to reach that point of excellence by themselves.

If you are a Life Path 7, solitude is something essential to your well-being. Make sure your lifestyle allows you to make time for yourself. It is in isolation, away from the external noise that may unnecessarily cause you to project your spiritual desires on others, that you can work on yourself, find truth and connection to your ultimate power of deep, analytical understanding of this existence.

[abbacchiosbelt]

Excerpts for potential stories from my upcoming project, Royals & Rogues.

LISA LISA, THE KNIGHT ✩

“A lone knight stands in front of the throne room, eyes sharp. She was silent -her stature spoke for her. Her gaze never leaves you, making your skin prickle. Though you had been invited as part of the audience to the throne room, the knight spared you no clemency in her observation of you.

Your guide, Suzi Q, nudges you. ���That’s Lisa Lisa,” she whispers. “Isn’t she incredible? No knight has ever bested her.” Suzi Q grins at you, lowering her voice. “And she’s so beautiful. Don’t you think?”

You swallow at the thought of being under a woman as powerful and intimidating as Lisa Lisa, averting your eyes from Suzi Q’s prying gaze and clearing your throat. Suzi Q giggles and stands back to attention next to you. You follow suit and stand straight up, glancing at the knight.

You swear Lisa Lisa is looking right through you - had she heard all of that... and had she seen how you hadn’t even been able to speak?”

PROSCIUTTO, THE MERCENARY ✧

The blonde man hisses as you put a rag to his wound, the cut bleeding through the rag faster than you can keep up. For the most part, the man is stoic, only letting out a few grunts of pain as you clean his wound. After a few more tense minutes, the bleeding starts to slow down and you’re able to get cloth wrapped around the injured area on his arm. When he sees you’ve backed away, he peers down at his arm and gives a slight nod.

“... Thanks.” He says, going to stand. Immediately, his legs wobble and he’s forced back into his seat. 

“Oh,” you mumble, hurrying to his side. He huffs, his lips curling into a frown. You know he won’t be going anywhere for a while. “You need to stay here. All that blood you lost is going to make you fatigued.” 

“I don’t have time for that.” The man says, but he doesn’t try to get up again. He leans back and closes his eyes, wincing when he moves his injured arm.

“I’ll get you something for that pain,” you say, already turning towards the cabinet where you kept your small collection of wine. It was better than nothing - it might help him take his mind off of it, at least. When you’ve poured him a small glass, you hand it to him before sitting down across from him with your own glass. “You’re welcome to stay here, but if you’d feel more comfortable, I can help you to the inn. It’s only a little ways from here.”

The man opens his eyes as he takes a sip, still leaning back and staring at the ceiling. “It’s best if I don’t stop in town,” he says, closing his eyes again. “I’ll keep out of your hair.”

JOTARO, THE LONELY PRINCE ✫

Ocean blue eyes gaze back at Jotaro as he stares at himself in the mirror, his crown thrown haphazardly to the floor. What did it matter, when he had lost everything? His friends, his wife, his daughter... At least he had the comfort of knowing they were alive and breathing. He’d pushed them away before they could get hurt, after all.

He was a dangerous man, or at least, he always attracted danger. There was no way he could have them close, yet Jotaro had been cruel to them. Isolation, coldness, leaving them for days at a time without word; it was no wonder they left.

And yet, he still craved the presence of another. Someone to hold close at night, to sit next to in his throne. Jotaro knew it would be selfish, but it had been years since he’d felt the warmth of another - he could be different this time.

He has to be.

ABBACCHIO, THE BUTLER ★

You take the sweet from the plate your butler, Abbacchio, is offering you with a prim smile. It was drizzled in sticky honey - almost unbearably sweet, but you couldn’t help but crave the treat from time to time. Abbacchio would demand them from the kitchen the second you even thought about one. He was a loyal man, responding with grace to even your most odd requests and quirks.

Abbacchio was the only butler to have stayed with you long-term. The two of you fit like two missing puzzle pieces - in private, you had a rapport that would be scandalous if the kingdom found out, but you couldn’t help it. He was magnetic. His soft lavender hair and his plump lips, the way his muscles shifted under the uniform he wore. You were well aware that he watched you the same way you watched him, yet neither of you had been bold enough to make a move.

Times like these, though... You thought about it.

You take a bite of the sweet, letting the sticky honey drip down your index finger before you place the treat back on the serving tray. “Oh,” you breath, mocking surprise at the mess. You press your index finger to your mouth and catch Abbacchio’s gaze, watching his eyes darken as you slowly suck the honey from your finger. “Oops.”

“Be more careful, or you’ll dirty your dress.” Abbacchio says, stern.

“Hm, and will you help me change?” You reply. His adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, no doubt thinking of the soft skin and curves that hid under your clothing.

DIAVOLO, THE EMPEROR ✦

The Emperor was the most feared man in all of the Kingdoms - he ruled with an iron fist; wrath over mercy, blood over anything else. To see Emperor Diavolo was to see Death itself. The man rarely showed his face, yet his people still yearned to see him. He was a horrible man, a tyrant to other territories, but he was their ruler that kept them fed and safe. Perhaps it was just tradition that made the people clamor for a sight of their Emperor. They wanted to see an heir, yet their ruler was a recluse.

That’s why the people rejoiced when they heard the Emperor was to conquer another territory - in it lived a heir that would be perfect for their Emperor. Emperor Diavolo’s closest confidant and retainer Doppio was buried in letters begging for the Emperor to consider the heir. 

Diavolo found his rage at his people’s audacity quelled once he gave their idea consideration - Perhaps it was time for him to settle down. The people didn’t need to know that Diavolo never planned on vacating the throne; the magic he sought to keep him alive indefinitely was so close he could taste it. Having someone to share that with wouldn’t be so bad.

BRUNO, THE ELF PRINCE ✺

You can only stare as the elven prince Bruno peruses your small herbs & potions shop, his opulent outfit standing out from the warm tones and greenery filling the room. He was beautiful, and you’d never seen anyone quite like him - you’d never seen an elf, for that matter. You’d heard through the grapevine that he was here as a foreign dignitary, but you expected him to be staying at the palace, not roaming around the shops in town.

Bruno approaches you and you quickly scramble to attention, nervously smiling at him.

“Tell me, do you sell any body care products here? I bought the loveliest scrub from another Kingdom over in a shop like this, and I’d love to sample something from your shop.” His voice is deep and smooth, catching you off guard. You aren’t sure why you expected something else. Bruno smiles while you think, his deep blue eyes never leaving your gaze. Elves were known for their intensity, and Bruno was proving the anecdote true.

“Uh, y-yes,” You say, stumbling over your words. You step from behind the counter and walk Bruno towards a small section filled with different ointments and scrubs that he must have accidentally passed by. You pick up a blueberry and vanilla scented hair oil, tapping the lid. “This one is pretty popular, but we have other products as well. We, uh, I also make custom orders if you have something in mind.”

Bruno hums and takes the product from your hand, uncorking the lid and sniffing it gently. His eyes light up. “Wonderful,” he says, putting the lid back. He looks down at the rest of the wares and carefully picks through them, selecting a peach and honey scented body scrub. Again, he smells the product, and sighs happily. “Do you make these yourself, then?” You nod. “You’re incredible, a talent like this is so often overlooked.”

You feel your face grow warm, Bruno’s candid compliment making your stomach do flips. Were all elves this forward, or was it just Bruno, their prince?

JOLYNE, THE FORMER HEIR ✫

Two loud voices sound from behind front desk of the inn, alerting you that potential guests had arrived. You smooth down your uniform and walk out with a smile, ready to greet the guests before a loud voice interrupts you—

“Dad can kiss my ass.” Jolyne crosses her arms, staring down her mom.

“Jolyne,” Marina sighs, frowning at her daughter’s colorful use of words. “It’s not proper to speak like that.” The older woman turns to you, looking apologetic. “I apologize for my daughter’s language. She knows better.”

“Gods, you act like I’m a child. I’m 22, mom.” Jolyne replies. She watches her mom’s face fall, feeling a twinge of regret. She sighs. “Sorry, mom. And sorry...”

She waits for you to say your name, raising an eyebrow when you relay it to her. Jolyne repeats it, the name sounding like something special when she says it. “Sorry again. Being a former heiress and all, people tend to react weird. And it is my Dad’s fault, so...” Marina gives her daughter a look. “Sorry, I’m rambling. So, that’s why we need to stay at your inn. No home, and all that. But lots of money, that’s the least the bastard could have given us.” Jolyne grins, giggling when her Mom lets out a sigh. She leans forward on the counter, staring you down with bright chartreuse eyes.

“So, ya got room for a former princess and disinherited heir?”

THE SWORDS-FOR-HIRE ✵

Risotto pulls his cloak tighter around himself, shivering in the cold air of the night. It wasn’t often that the broad man felt chilled to his bone, but tonight was proving more than he or his teammates could handle. It was only a few more miles to the nearest inn... If they couldn’t scrounge up enough coin from their pockets, they could at least huddle together in the stables. 

Formaggio grunts from his left side, barely visible under his layers of clothing. “Three talented guys like us and we’re stuck dragging our asses out in the cold like this? Ridiculous.”

Illuso pipes up from Risotto’s right side, practically glued to Risotto’s side to suck up some of the warmth his body exuded. “You’re right, for once.”

“Hey,” Formaggio starts, glaring at Illuso.

“Enough.” Risotto says - it’s enough to have Formaggio back down and Illuso shrink back down into his scarf. Risotto knows as well as Formaggio and Illuso that their situation is far from ideal, but it was the best they could do with Risotto’s family name following them. He was marked with evil - or so the people said - his dark sclera and family history making him a pariah. The fact that Illuso and Formaggio had decided to travel with him still surprised him, and he was grateful for their presence. 

Hopefully, the inn would take pity on them - or at least be intimidated enough by Risotto’s presence that the trio could afford a room.

MISTA, THE RETAINER ★

Mista closes his eyes, leaning back against the cool wall outside of the castle baths. His back is tight from today’s work, but he’d have to wait until you finished bathing. Mista didn’t mind, of course - it was his duty as your retainer to protect you. He just wished that things were different... That he could be in the bath with you, washing your back and sharing an intimate moment together.

He smacks his head against the back of the wall. He shouldn’t be thinking like that - no matter how deeply he loved you, he wouldn’t ever let his romantic feelings come before his duty as your protector. Mista swore to go to the ends of the Earth for you, even if his actual vows were a little more formal. 

Still, he wondered if there was a chance - no matter how small - that you felt the same. The upcoming journey to another kingdom would see you and Mista spending more time together than usual. To Mista, it meant he finally had a chance.

Little did he know that your thoughts were nearly the same as his on the other side of the wall.