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escapist-dreams · 3 years

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Fix it ~ Invincible Fanfiction

Summary: Rex's hand gets damaged in a fight. No one is willing to help him, so he helps himself.

Warnings: spoilers for both the Invincible animated show(episode 7) and comics(issue #40) concerning Rex-Splode, injuries(nothing nearly as graphic as the source material)

Word Count: 2.3k

This is my first Invincible fanfic, and one of the first fics I've written in awhile! Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy! Feel free to tell me what you think about it! Constructive criticism would be appreciated :D

"We meet yet again, Invincible!" D.A. Sinclair shouted with his usual dramatic flair. He had escaped from the government facility a couple months ago and holed up in a sewer, making more of his fucked up 'reanimen' who the new Guardians of the Globe were now fighting.

His army of cyborgs were unleashed onto the fleeing crowd, more destructive than self destructive this time. Sinclair must've taken notes from his previous failures.

While they targeted the heroes, civilians were caught in the crossfire left and right. Dupli-Kate evacuated the remaining civilians while Shrinking-Rae fought off any cyborgs coming near. The rest of the team tried to disarm the cyborgs without killing them, which Mark made them agree to do before the fight.

Invincible went through one after the other, knocking out the cyborgs, one could tell he was holding back. Monster Girl knocked out a good chunk of them, but accidentally killed one or two with the strength of her monster form. One of them slammed her against a building, sending a big crack up the wall, no doubt affecting civilians in the upper floors. Shrinking-Rae rushed to save those in the building affected by the crack, while Monster Girl slumped against the wall, down for the count.

Rex-Splode made it past the wall of reanimen defending Sinclair and shot a projectile at his torso. He stumbled as the magnet hit his side and exploded, only grazing him but doing damage all the same. He cupped a hand around the wound, and when he regained his composure, looked directly at Rex.

"You'll pay for that!" With a movement of his hand, D. A. Sinclair ordered the cyborg to target Rex-Splode.

"Sure I will, asshole!" Rex smirked and raised his hand again, aiming for Sinclair's head. The cyborg intervened, lunging towards Rex, who dodged and backed away. He couldn't kill the guy, but he really didn't want to get beat to a bloody pulp today. He made a split second decision to shoot him in the legs to slow him down. He did so, but all he received for his efforts was the sound of a small metal impact. He'd missed the human parts, the projectile only slightly slowed the cyborg.

Just as he was about to shoot again, the cyborg grabbed his hand, crushing flesh and metal alike. Rex doubled over as a wave of pain hit him like a brick. He tried to push past it after a few moments, looking up just in time to see Robot come up behind the reaniman, knocking him out with a punch. Invincible grabbed a piece of metal from a street sign that had been crushed in the wreckage of the battle and bent it tightly around Sinclair, effectively trapping him. And since the cyborgs were all either knocked out or no longer under his control, the battle was over.

"You couldnt've done that earlier?" Rex complained as Mark tied up Sinclair, wincing in pain. Several members of the team gave him a familiar look of annoyance.

"Maybe if you weren't too busy cowering we would've finished this sooner." Samson stated.

"I wasn't--!" Rex began, but he doubled over again before he could finish, another wave of pain hitting him.

The rest of the team had sustained some injuries as well, but they were able to shake it off for the most part by the time they arrived back at the guardians' base.

"Hey Robot-" Rex tried to catch him before they fully returned to the group.

"It's Rudy."

"Right. Rudy, can you uh.." he pointed to his busted up hand, the blood dried onto the metal. Rudy made a wincing sound at the sight, then looked to their friends, who were in a group celebrating the won battle.

"Hm.. That's going to take a bit to fix, if you can wait I'll fix it in a couple minutes." he decided. Rex opened his mouth to protest, but closed it and nodded in agreement. The two rejoined the group.

They spent a few minutes having conversations in small groups, some about the fight, and some about completely different things. After about half an hour passed, Mark got up from his seat, explaining that he needed to get back home, as he had some homework to finish up. Slowly the group dissolved, rejoining their everyday lives. Rex ran to catch Rudy before he and Amanda left.

"Hey Rudy, can you fix this thing before you go? If you couldn't tell, it *kinda* hurts." Rex gestured to his hand, pulling the glove up a bit to show the broken metal and bloody skin.

"Can it wait, Rex? Me and Amanda are getting lunch." he paused, conflicted, "you can join if you want." he offered politely, but judging by the looks on his and Amanda's face, it wasn't an invitation.

"I'll pass." Rex sighed, unsure if he was more angry or sad about it at this point. Rudy shrugged as if to say "your loss", and he and Amanda left the base. Rex left as well a few moments later, Kate and Rae's conversation fading behind him as he made his way to his apartment.

Rex tried to ignore it, he really did. But god, it hurt. He must've been in shock before, but now that he had time to really think about and feel the injury, the pain set in. The metal of his hand had torn into his flesh and he was afraid to move it for fear of further lodging it into his arm. After awhile of trying to ignore the injury, Rex decided he couldn't take it anymore. If no one would help him, he would help himself.

Rex knew a thing or two about robotics since he got his powers from the devices in his wrists, and had been taught a bit at the facility for use in battlefield situations. So he got some spare tools he used for small repairs on his arms and got to work fixing his hand. It took just about all night, but by the end he was fairly confident that he'd at least helped the situation.

He must've done something right because next time the guardians fought a villain, he was able to shoot the projectiles from his hand. No need to ask Rudy for help. And the next time it was damaged, and he fixed it himself again. This time his aim was slightly off. He hit several walls, the ground, and nearly a civilian before his desired target, but it was fine, right? He hit the guy eventually, he missed the civilian, and it still worked decently well.

He continued to repair it himself, using the knowledge from his previous mishaps to improve upon it. It continued to have slight malfunctions, but it worked.

Until it didn't.

He aimed, and shot, but the small explosive wouldn't budge. It wouldn't leave his hand, something blocked it. The BB lit up as he tried to shoot, but it exploded in his hand.

"Fuck!" Rex yelled, throwing a magnet from his belt with his offhand and dodging out of the way of an oncoming attack.

The team made quick work of the enemy, but not before they got a few good hits in on Dupli-Kate and Monster Girl as well. Amanda was slumped against a wall while Kate Prime nursed an injury on her side.

Back at the base, Rudy was busy being at Amanda's side. She had a minor concussion, but overall she was alright. The excessive blood from a cut on her head made the injury look more serious than it was. They were thankful that she was alright, minus a bit of blood loss and a head injury.

Rex wanted to celebrate her quick recovery longer than he did, but hesitantly left after drinks were had and the party died down a bit. He knew he would have to work on his hand for awhile to get it in working order and get any sleep that night.

It was already much later in the day by the time he arrived at his apartment. Repairs went well for the most part. He had passed out before realigning the metal, but quickly aligned it before heading to the base that morning, presumably deeming it functional, which was an achievement in Rex's opinion considering how badly it was broken and lack of materials. He got hardly any sleep, but he wasn't exactly the type to usually get a full eight hours every night anyways.

The next day after training, Rudy approached Rex unexpectedly.

"Hey Rex, I noticed your hand got busted up pretty badly yesterday. Need me to fix it?" Rudy offered, glancing at Rex's barely-together hand with a hint of what might be worry. Rex scoffed.

"Oh no it's fine," he said, half proud of his work and half bitter at Rudy. "I figured it out."

Rudy gave him a curious look, pausing for a moment before repeating, "You 'figured it out'?"

Rex nodded, taking off his glove and showing off his hand, which he'd barely been able to peice back together the night before. "I figured it out."

He'd had to patch up the hand with spare metal parts and slightly off-size bolts, but it wasn't too bad of a job. From a certain angle, it'd look fine even. A bit busted up, used for sure, but functional. Now, from the angle of someone with as much knowledge in robotics as Rudy had, the sight was returned after a long pause with a vaguely annoyed, "this is going to take awhile."

"What're you two doing?" Amanda asked, walking into the workroom with a half empty carton of disguised booze.

"Rex tried to fix his hand. By himself." Rudy explained condescendingly after a pause that made it obvious he was focused on his work. Rex scoffed at the answer.

"I think I did a great job, thank you very much." And besides being proud of his attempt at fixing it, the way he phrased it made Rex sound like an idiot, as if he hadn't asked for help several times before deciding to fix the problem himself.

"You put the metal covering back in place just off enough to block the projectile, the bolts are all the wrong size, and part of it is still jabbing into your arm. This isn't even the right kind of.." he trailed off, clicking a new bolt in place before mumbling, "how did you even fight like this-?!"

"Well it's not like you bothered to help me when I asked.." Rex answered with the tone of an upset child.

"You didn't say how bad it was."

"I showed you! You saw it!" Rex nearly shouted, frustration and anger bubbling up in his chest and out his mouth.

"I would have fixed this easily if you'd asked sooner."

"I did ask sooner!"

"You could've asked when I wasn't busy." Rudy spoke nearly absent-mindedly, focusing intently on prying part of the metal out of damaged tissue that tried to heal around it.

Rex hissed in pain before responding, "When were you not busy? I asked you like three times, you told me to wait!"

"I just told you, I was busy. Why didn't you go to Cecil for this?"

"Oh yeah, like I'm asking some creepy ass guy from the government to fix my hand- No fucking way!" Rex tried to ignore the hint of fear in his chest at the idea of some shady government operative poking and prodding at him in a blindingly white room.

"You'd rather bother me than ask someone whose job it is to fix things for help?"

"I'd rather ask my friend for help!"

"You could have asked when I wasn't busy." Rudy repeated, obviously struggling to keep his cool. "I'm not going to drop everything for you, Rex!"

"Yeah? Of course not, but I bet you'd drop everything for her." Rex pointed at Amanda, who had a front row seat to the argument standing in the doorway. The two locked eyes for a moment, then Rudy looked away to glare at Rex.

"At least she offers something to the team. She's an invaluable asset and I need to keep her safe." He didn't need to shout, his tone and words cut deeper than raw anger could.

"Well pardon me for wanting to be able to use my fucking hand--"

"Excuse me?" Amanda snapped, glaring at Rudy. "Rex is my friend, and I won't reciprocate your crush on me just because you look like him and aged down for me. I don't owe you shit. And being a dick to the guy whose face you stole doesn't make you more appealing."

"But I--" Rudy was at a loss for words; a rare occurrence. Scrambling to regain his composure, he blurted out, "But I did this for you!"

"I don't owe you shit for that." she repeated firmly. "And if how you treat Rex is any indication, I wouldn't want to be with you, if this is how you treat a long time friend who needs help."

"Exactly!" Rex agreed, relieved that Amanda stepped in. Rudy glared at him before catching himself and looking back towards Amanda, who sighed angrily.

"He couldn't have asked Cecil!?" Rudy reiterated, grasping at straws trying to 'win' the argument he'd already lost.

"He's obviously uncomfortable with that, or he would've done it already. Something you would notice if you bothered to give him a second glance." Amanda snapped back. "He came to you for help, and you lectured him for it."

"I.."

"Let's go, Rex. This asshole isn't worth our time." she decided. Rex followed her out the door to rejoin the rest of the group with a satisfied sort of pride in his chest. It felt nice to be defended by someone other than himself.

The door slammed shut.

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mytastessuck · 3 years

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Gorillaz: Song Machine, Season 1: "Strange Timez"

2The final frontier...until the next frontier as indicated by the album's title. A lot of guests showed up to help out Gorillaz on this album, ranging from indie acts to freaking legends. You thought Humanz was overpacked? You don't know the shit that Kong Studios was filled with when the Spacemonkeyz left. A good amount of my playlist is filled with songs from this album so let's just shut up and get on with it so I can gush about an awesome album.

1. Strange Timez

Heh, they start the album off with the titular track. That's pretty coo---HOLY SHIT, IS THAT ROBERT SMITH?! When you got the fucking frontman of The Cure singing with you about what an utter shitshow of a year it was a while ago, you know that Gorillaz has thrown away any semblance of fucking around. Everyone sounds like they're on the verge of panicking and I'm all for it. What a KO punch out the gate.

2020/10

2. The Valley of the Pagans

Beck decides to team up with Gorillaz, making it his third most important collaboration since his team-ups with The Lonely Island and Bender. This track is something that needs to be shouted out loud with the windows rolled down on a road trip and that's mostly due to the energy Damon brings to the track. Beck does a servicable job but something is missing that would put this on the level of Ultimate Beck Songs. Still, awesome track.

9/10

3. The Lost Chord

This track makes me feel things. Things that I've got no right feeling. Both Damon and Leee manages to make this one of the most depressing tracks on the album even without the context of the album. Some days all you can do go harder, go harder.

11/10

4. Pac-Man

Okay, gonna say something that even I don't like saying. This song is great...until Schoolboy Q starts rapping. I dunno what it is about the rap that turns me off. It just feels loose, all over the place and building up to something that has no payoff. It's a shame the song relies on that part so strongly. Noodle had an interesting outfit in the video though.

7/10

5. Chalk Tablet Towers

Another club anthem from Gorillaz! Nowhere near as good as "Strobelite" but definitely much more relatable (I wanna go home indeed.) St. Vincent is a great back-up on this track that's good enough to dance to, do drugs to or stare at your drink as you wonder if this is the state you're going to spend the rest of your life in...to.

8/10

6. The Pink Phantom

Pretty good tone to this song. Somber, nice crooning from Damon, 6lack's part is a bit superfluous but it doesn't detract from the rest of the son---HOLY SHIT, IS THAT ELTON JOHN?! AND IS HE THE BEST PART OF THE SONG?! I can't believe the blind old bastard still had it in you. To this day, I find myself singing "I tried to say I love you/But you wouldn't listen." to myself out of nowhere. This song elevates this album to a classier stand than anything Murdoc touched has any right being.

3000/10

7. Aries

Really nice chill-out song. Good instrumentation from Peter Hook and Georgia. I'm really underselling it but it is impossible to be in a bad mood when this song comes on. Kind makes you want to go out and, you know, actually do shit. (With a mask on though.)

413/10

8. Friday 13th

Finally some good rap. Geez, that was mean. Well, if it makes you feel any better, this song becomes a bummer if you know the context behind it. Octavian manages to fuel the nihilistic vibe behind the song that makes you wish for beautiful days to take your mind off...well, life. Bonus point for James Baldwin quote.

11/10

9. Dead Butterflies

Yes! More songs to make me feel stuff! Kano and Roxani overshadow Damon as they sing about how nothing matters but...nah, that's it. Nothing matters. We're dead bugs. We got nothing left. Let's just speak Spanish or something.

10/10

10. Desole

Man, Fatoumata Diawara is such a good singer, she can make a man tolerate the French. Second single from the album and they show that are willing to go back to songs in different languages and I am all for it. Fuck yes. Sorry for swearing. Putain Ouais.

714/10

11. Momentary Bliss

First single off the album and it is special, so fucking special. Slowthai grabs your attention by the throat with his heavy rhymes and holds you long enough for Slaves to slam themselves down on you with the increasingly-punk-by-the-second climax they crash in on. Damon can barely keep up as he makes sure that enough hype is gathered for this album through one of its best tracks.

1000/10

12. Opium

I only heard this song when I listened to the album for the first time and I immediately put it on my playlist afterwards. EarthGang kicks so much fucking ass on this track that Eddie Murphy experiences sympathy pains every time he hears the word "Georgia". These guys need more cred and they are half of the reason why you should shell out for the deluxe edition.

365/10

13. Simplicity

The title is accurate. The song is simple. Pretty calming though. And nothing offensively wrong with it. I dunno, it must feel like a let down after Opium's haze of awesomeness.

8/10

14. Severed Head

Goldlink and UMO are the bravest fuckers on the planet to bring attention to the serious problem of decapitation. With nice keys backing up their sermon, maybe people will take having all of their major organ functions operable more seriously now. I know I will.

10/10

15. With Love To An Ex

As an African-American who experiences misfortune in love myself, something about this song speaks to me. Ex-niggas may not be texting me...might actually need ex-niggas for that...but shit, your past following you does speak to me in the worst way possible. Man, fuck people.

11/10

16. MLS

Hey, it's these guys again! I'm not going to tell you where I know them from. That's for further down the road. Still, glad to know these two are able to create something beautiful that can be mistakenly picked up by a parent who mistakes it for something from the Craig of the Creek soundtrack.

9/10

17. How Far?

We lost a treasure of a percussionist when Tony Allen died. This track is proof he was one of the best in the business. Skepta doesn't let any slack fall down on his side either. Dissing the listeners while Tony backs him up with one of the best beats I've ever heard. RIP sir.

800/10

Album Score: 494/10

And that concludes the Gorillaz retrospective. Next week, we start on my second favorite band, Ween:

We will covering all their studio albums, starting with the punk masterpiece, GodWeenSatan: The Oneness. That'll take me a couple of days to write up. See you then.

#gorillaz #song machine season one #strange timez #review #music #EarthGang #ween

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notbigondoors · 4 years

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omg vis in that wandavision black and white scene is so cute xD we have to keep in mind that they're in a sitcom so I wouldn't worry too much about these types of gags, I don't think it means they're turning the characters into jokes.. although... that's what they did to thor and banner in endgame so I can see where you're coming from. it wasn't funny. and I LOVE comedies, i love thor: ragnarok, i love gotg and gotg 2, but... endgame's comedy wasn't funny, hope it doesn't bleed into wandavision.

{out of equations} Below the cut because nobody wants to see my rants, hahaha... I don’t want to be too down on this show because I haven’t seen it yet and for all I know it’s going to kick ass. But I’m... cautiously pessimistic.

Yes to what you said, and that’s exactly where I’m coming from with this... Marvel has ruined characters before. They have turned both Tony’s and Thor’s PTSD and various other mental health difficulties into jokes. They completely obliterated Steve’s character at the end of Endgame with his inexplicable decision to go back in time and live a whole different life. Bruce felt like a completely different character entirely in personality, design, motivation, etc. in Endgame. So yeah, like... that’s where my fear and distrust lies... in Marvel/Disney and their ability to not destroy characters for ratings, comic relief, or even other more painful reasons like whitewashing, conformity to their corporate ideals, and things like that.

Because again, I still push back as to why use sitcoms in the first place. They could tell this arc of Wanda’s Marvel story without using sitcoms. Even if they’re going to say Wanda somehow sat there as a child in Sokovia watching 50s American sitcoms, she wouldn’t think that that was an ideal way of life. Tight floral dresses, high heels, blonde hair, separate beds, suburban life... that would not have been seen as ideal by a young Eastern European Jewish Romani girl growing up in a village. It would have been seen as very different, foreign, and maybe even weird in a bad way, especially since the twins grew up apparently really disliking American culture given the way they were protesting against Stark’s technology by their teens. So... yeah they’ve already lost me on the basic premise and I’m worried that whatever explanation they have for choosing to set this very important arc of Wanda’s development in previous decades and in “TV-land” just won’t be enough for me. And then to make it a campy, canned laughter kind of setup just makes it worse.

I mean I guess I went with a different early background for Wanda than the MCU wanted. I drew from her comic background and filled in the blanks that the MCU seemed to have no interest in filing with canon material. I gave her a more rural, ethnic, and religious-based background, and now... after several movies of giving us hardly anything, now they’re going to tell us about her childhood and what happened during the experiments. Thanks, guys. So now my choices are to retcon everything (which I’m not going to do), to ignore WandaVision completely (which I also don’t want to do), or to make a strange hybrid of the two (I guess this is my fate). The background I use for her wasn’t... set up... to allow for her watching a lot of TV at a young age, especially American sitcoms. But I’ll do my best to mesh it all together. *shrugs*

Like... for me, the “feel” of the characters is lost here. They don’t feel like the same people, and quite honestly, if they had started out this way, I would have been completely disinterested and would never have wanted to write them. And to some extent I’m kindof fine with that for Vision because I’m fairly sure that that’s either a construct of Wanda’s mind of an incomplete/dead/half-functioning Vision she’s changing to be what she wants, or something to that effect. So it makes sense that he wouldn’t seem like himself. But why is Wanda behaving that way? She snapped from stress, trauma, and grief and for some reason........ thinks she’s a 50s housewife? Or 60s, 70s, 80s, whatever? I don’t get that. Just... why? They didn’t have to do that, and yeah, if I trusted them more to handle characters properly, I’d have more hope and be more optimistic, but after what they’ve done to some other Marvel characters, I am definitely worried.

I’m more comforted by the interviews I’m seeing with Lizzie where she seems happy with the development of Wanda during the show. She’s been playing her for a while now, I know how much thought she puts into her roles and how she likes to get into her characters’ heads, so I would like to think that she wouldn’t take a role that would just destroy the character. So right now my hope is hinging on my trust of her liking Wanda enough not to want to ruin her completely, heh. Also, in an interview she specifically said there’s a reason for it all. So... okay. I will hang on that. XD I honestly really hope I’m wrong and you can all tell me so after the fact, like... I hope the show is awesome and blows my mind. But I’m trying to prepare myself for a train wreck just in case.

Also I rambled more about Wanda than Vision, because I guess I have more problems with the Wanda aspect of all of this than the Vision aspect. Vision... while I don’t particularly like seeing him jump at a tiny noise when he’s fought in large scale battles and has never shown himself to be that jumpy before, his character is going to have to get a little bit stretched out and weird and beyond the norm for him, because it’s Wanda’s interpretation of him. She’s kindof bending him to fit these ideal living scenarios (at least I assume). So I can let go a little more easily with him because I don’t really count that as the real Vision, or at least not how Vision would really be if he was of sound/free/normal mind. But why Wanda is making these choice and feeling the way she does about it is an enigma to me. I get what she’s doing and why overall, but just... the TV sitcom thing... I’m just so sorry Marvel felt the need to do this incredibly serious and painful arc in Wanda’s life using the comedic vehicle of TV Land. I would have preferred a movie in which they actually address what’s going on with Wanda head on instead of trying to candy coat it in an attractive and lighter-contented package.

BUT AGAIN... I WILL SAY... maybe I’m wrong. I hope I am. I’ll be watching along with everyone else, so... we’ll see!

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thelucyverse · 4 years

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Part 1

Autumn and winter of 1980 were so busy for me, I barely had a moment of time to breathe. I heard that the order had destroyed several of Voldemorts' Horcruxes without him noticing- the diadem, the locket and the ring (the latter, sadly, without it destroying Dumbledore's hand and future)- and I was desperate to get my hands on one of the items myself to test several theories regarding soul-pieces, but Voldemort had yet to pass the diary to Lucius or the Cup to Bella, at least as far as I was aware. Did he only plan to part with them before moving in to kill the Potter boy, his predicted mortal enemy? Would he even part with them at all, if such an opportunity didn't come to pass?

I did more theoretical research on the topic while also wondering about the actual Horcruxes. Were they significant objects like the ones he used for his own? Objects that somehow showed his followers' status? Did that mean specific items or something like pebbles to show his superiority to them? Or, if the instances he created (or forced the respective followers to create?) the Horcrux were unplanned- and I was quite certain that he hadn't planned it with Bella, he had done it when she was asking about forming a union with me, which must have come as a sincere surprise to him- did he just use some random object in the room, or did he keep something prepared around?

So many questions, no way to answer them.

Instead, I focused on the theory of the research, on whether I would need the objects to bring both soul parts back together or just the person, or just the horcrux, and whether the soul piece within a person actually died if the person was killed or just became diacorporeal... I started to believe (still mere theory, of course) that while it might make it easier, I didn't necessary need the Horcrux if I managed to make the person want to fix their own soul (but I didn't know whether /regret/ would work as a stimulus if the person had never actually /decided/ to make the Horcrux in the first place), that usually someone would die and leave only the Horcrux part of the soul behind as that one can't be pulled from its object- unless the Horcrux partage was bigger than the killed part, which would make the pull stronger towards the Horcrux(es), keeping the last part on the mortal plane. Was that the reason why Voldemort had made so many Horcruxes, was he actually that clever, did he calculate the risk- or did he not understand souls at all and just thought the more the merrier?

Whenever I am alone with Bella, I try to talk to her, really connect to her again, and I believe that this connection to normalcy as well as any positive emotions I can make her feel seem to have a positive effect on at the very least her psyche if not also on her damaged soul.

A damaged soul would cloud someone's mind, making them unable or at the very least less able to feel things the way they used to, making them detached from humanity, less afraid to take human life, not hurt when killing or torturing others... Of course, Voldemort was already deranged before he made any Horcruxes, so I had no idea how much his influences him if at all... And I hadn't known Bella all that closely before she had had her soul split in two, so I couldn't really tell what was her and what was the Horcrux's influence, either. It disturbed me, to know that I didn't truly know the woman I was all but married to for over two years now at all.

In March of 1981, Voldemort handed Bellatrix Hufflepuff's Cup, to place in her vault in Gringotts and keep save there. Had I not been around, had Bellatrix been completely mad from her split soul, she would have done so without question. As it is, however, she went to Gringotts with the cup, placed it into her vault, left, went back immediately, took the cup, brought it to me and asked to be obliviated of all that happened after she first left the bank.

I hated having to do so to her, but I had also never been so proud.

Now, I have the cup, and I don't quite know what to do with it. While I can feel the evil ooze off of it, I can't tell it's shape or consistency, how it would react to tests. I have written Melodenia again with several inquiries about soul magic and how to feel, to /see/ it the way natural aura seers can. While I am afraid that she might have already started to question how theoretic the nature of my inquiries is, I hope she knows that I am genuinely trying to do good, I hope she understands some of my position here, even if I have never told her my full story, not even in enchanted parchment or the few times we have chatted via fireplace.

In May, I receive an invitation to a research Congress by MACUSA, with personal recommendation from one Professor and Master of magical theory, Melodenia of Ilvermorny- and without a name written on it, it is for myself to fill out. She must have known that I was operating under an alias, which of course won't work on such an official function. I decide almost immediately to attend, no matter the consequences: While I cannot wait to talk to her in person, away from prying eyes, I hate the attention it gains me from the Dark Lord and his followers. He knew, of course, that I had an interest in magical theory, but had thought it a little hobby of a Deatheater's wife. Now, however... I am being informed that after that Congress, which I am not to attend alone, I am to share all my findings with him, and use my skills to develop spells suitable for war if I haven't already done so.

I don't know how he managed, but I am accompanied to the States by Severus Snape. Professor Snape, now- twenty-one years old, a double spy for the two most powerful wizards currently alive in Britain, a teacher barely respected by the students in his own house and loathed by everyone else, trying to cling to what authority he has as a professor by being as strict as he possibly can. He is not a pleasant man to be around, still constantly afraid for the life of his friend Lily, whom he has barely seen in the past years. I don't know whether he loves her as a friend or is /in/ love with her, and I can't bring myself to care.

On our way- after making sure that there are no tracking- or monitoring spells by either of our masters left on us or our luggage- we share news on Deatheater and Order business before comparing our research in magical theory and spell-crafting, which is Severus' forte in theoretical magic. I don't know how I had forgotten about it so far- he is always known as a potions master, but I should have remembered all the spells he had been mentioned to have created in the books. He tells me of several dangerous spells, ones newly created by him as well as old ones that had simply come to be forgotten, that the Dark Lord does not yet know of and that the Order already knows the counters for. If Voldemort is going to ask for results of my work, I will be able to deliver. I do not tell Snape about my research in soul magic, not trusting him not to immediately tell Dumbledore, no matter how bad the old man has treated him in the past.

Melodenia is waiting for us at the portkey point. When I indicate to Severus that I would like to be left alone with her, he smirks nastily. "I won't tell anyone" he snarls before disappearing into the crowd with his cloak billowing behind him. I suppose he must think that I cannot stand being with a deatheater and have an affair with Melodenia instead. A laughable idea, even more so considering that Melodenia only seems to be interested in people insofar that they can help her research or carry it on into a new generation. Still- she is a friend, the closest one I have.

"Are you well, my old friend?" Melodenia asks. I wonder if she can see that I am older than I look through the soul-magic, and she laughs when I ask. "I didn't even need to look at that" she says. "but- yes. Now, what /is/ going on on the British Isles that has you in such disarray?" sometimes, she sounds more Properly British than I do- I know English isn't her first language, so I suppose it makes sense that she wouldn't have to have an American accent. Now, what to tell her? I decide to, for once, trust somebody, and go with the truth- the entire truth.

After my speech, Melodenia is quiet for a long moment before pulling me into a hug. "I cannot help you with the problem of your traveling" she explains first. "I can't tell whether you are from a different world or from a different time- although there us something about your aura that does say you do not belong /here/, or have not always belonged here. I can try to find texts on your kind of travelling, but I do not expect to find much, and I do not know how much I could find out from your person when you aren't already travelling away- in which case I would not want to come too near, I need to stay here with my students. Yes, I believe you could take someone with you on your travels" she answers my unasked question. "If you do so- please make sure to ask whether the person wants to leave their universe, and that they understand all that it entails." I nod. Then, Melodenia moves on to the topics current more urgent to me: soul magic, and how to break it. "Fix it, you mean- souls shouldn't be broken."

Over the course of the long weekend, whenever we don't absolutely have to attend a seminar, speech or evening social event, Melodenia teaches me how to manually soul-see, lay and break connections in soul magic (which- hella painful when tested on yourself, which is why we aren't doing it on anyone else), the theory and praxis of soul-healing- "You should try to influence her now even if you do not plan to already bring the soul pieces back together," she says about Bellatrix. "While from what you told me, she does not seem to be in danger of losing connection to the soul-piece entirely, there are other dangers: insanity, effects on the mind that, once completed and left alone for too long, get irreversible even if the soul pieces find back to one another. You must influence her with positivity- any positive emotions, as well as anything reminding her of life prior to the break, is healing for the soul." -, as well as other things she believes might be useful for me in the future, including how to apparate to locations you haven't been to yet: "In 'normal' apparition, the rule is to know exactly where you are going and only focus on this one location, with just slightly emphasis on getting your entire body there, as really, when you only want to go to one place, it automatically takes your entire body there, without splinching. When transporting yourself to an entirely new location or one you can't quite visualize anymore, apparition is more vague location-wise- you might not end up exactly where you want to go, but when you keep your focus on your entire body and to move it to a place, instead of focusing on the place to move to, you will end up somewhere without splinching. It is good to get out of situations when you don't have the power to apparate far and don't know any points in the area, you could just think of a generic secluded ally, a roof, a beach, a field, and end up in any such location you have the power to reach. When you have greater power, of course, you have to make sure not to end up in an entirely different continent."

On Monday, I leave with a newfound understanding of magical theory. I never realised how logical magic really is, when you only look deep enough. There are still things that seem strange to me, but I no longer think that it defies the laws of physics- it merely works with it in ways I hadn't known about. About soul magic, Melodenia ends with the words: "And be careful whom you tell about this. Few people are well-versed in soul magic, and even fewer for the right reasons. Say, are you familiar with the non-magical atom bomb? Yes? It is based on a technology and research completely unrelated to such destruction, but that is still what it was used for. You cannot blame everyone in that field of research for the connection, but that is the stigma they are going to face. It is similar when it comes to soul-magic. It can be used in healing ways, to help with trauma or to connect two people in love. But the only soul-magic many old wizarding families have heard of are dementors, horcruxes and soul-crushers, if they know about soul-magic at all. Be careful- not just regarding what they might do with it, but what they might believe you want to do with it, and what they would do to you to stop you."

When I leave for the portkey point with Snape, once again, as my escort in public, and turn around to wave at Melodenia, I am torn: I'm am sad to leave my friend and our research behind- yet I cannot wait to hold Bellatrix in my arms again.

Part 3

#wip

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theangrypokemaniac · 4 years

Text

Contests Part 2/2

6. Loser Jessie

Screechy harpie Jessay has even more of a raw deal than Mavis and Dawn of the Dead.

From the outset I knew she'd never be champion, but she ought to rise above the tiresome berks clogging up procedure.

Sufficient popularity at Pokémon Towers ensured the girls were allotted coverage of all their award ceremonies. They had a moment in the sun.

What has Jessie in comparison?

I can't recall Hoenn, but I don't expect it was much.

Sinnoh however carried naught but a single paltry episode.

This for a main character.

This for someone there from the beginning.

This for an ardent fan favourite.

This for a wench who, should we include all her various mutations, has featured in more installments than either of 'em.

But no, treat Jesseee as worthless, even lower than Dawn's groupies. It's not like anyone watches it for her.

Looking back, it's obvious what they were intending to do come Unova.

What's the score then?

• One paltry Contest on screen.

• A couple happen elsewhere, marked by a few seconds per mention when the script oh-so generously moves away from the thrilling main plot.

It's gotta be the small-town concerns for Jessuhleenuh, nothing major. She deserves no better.

• One won by James, so not hers. Press her inadequacy upon us!

• One obtained as a gesture of pity from Kate Middleton.

And how did that work? What's the good of allowing 'Dawn' entry again?

She'd already qualified. If winning here, that gives her six, therefore there aren't enough Co-ordinators for the culmination.

And when Jessie showed up with a Ribbon recorded as belonging to Dawn, how was she taken as fulfilling the quota?

The slapdash way these Contests are run!

God forbid Jess should be shown as excelling at anything. It must be scraping into the final undeservedly.

Bitch gotta know her place.

7. Bumpkin Jessie

...

Ain't no description I can give that don't rhyme with 'hit', or variations of the theme.

You thought the shafting Jessica got coverage wise was bad enough? Yer ain't heard the 'alf of it.

Sinnoh was a period of peak Moron Team Rocket, where the one surprise was how stupid they could be.

You may remember an early episode when James designed her clothes for the catwalk. She thought it'd complement his work by applying lipstick all across her mug.

Obviously Jessie would do that, clueless as to how make-up functions.

Come on kids, she's thick!

Even at that numskull nadir it's difficult to comprehend anyone choosing this get up without severe duress.

Picture the scene: you debut on stage, before an audience of thousands and television cameras, in an event preoccupied with superficiality.

What do you wear?

• Giant, oversized glasses out of fashion since the Seventies.

• Bootlace tie last worn in the nineteenth century Wild West by a barman serving sarsaparillas.

• Colour scheme of brown and orange, the nation's favourite hues.

• A man's old shirt fraying at the cuffs.

• Voluminous apron dress.

• Massive yellow bows last seen decorating an Easter Egg. Always a winner.

• Heavy, clod-hopping boots.

• PIGTAILS!!!

Even the name is unattractive.

Ah yes, very common for those under six. Unheard of later.

You have reached puberty haven't yer Jessie? I can't tell anymore.

They couldn't get enough of that combination in Cosmo, which is why it's no longer in print.

Not only is Jessie denied success, she's deprived of the chance to be pretty in a realm where nothing but that carries weight.

Worse, given how her face disintegrated, this is the best she's been for five generations.

Yeah, because the inbred milkmaid style is such a good look, eh?

SEXAY!!!

8. So Long, Tsundere

Remember tsunderes? What happened to 'em?

The curse of Pokémon was draining the well of inspiration too quickly, throwing away interesting characters as mere guests.

This is particularly noticeable regarding the ladies. Back then, we got Misty, Jessie, Jessibelle, Cassidy, Aya, Giselle, Tyra, Sabrina, assorted crones Brutella, Nastina and Lacy, plus Joy, Jenny and Dame Ketchum provided parental authority.

How did a series that began with ball-breaking birds like that end up with insipid, glassy-eyed dullards like Zuhreena, Banana Lana, Marsh Mallow and Lilliput?

Ooh, Zuhreena is a pwincess!

Ooh, Banana Lana bwows big bwubbles!

Ooh, Marsh Mallow wuvs phallic waddishes!

Ooh, Lilliput won't pwet wanimals bwecause of Secwet Pain!

Can you imagine such weak specimens finding any place in the anarchic atmosphere of the classics?

It's SO boring!

Where's the punch? Where's the human spirit?

Where's the entertainment gone?

This squishy attitude began in Hoenn. Misty left, Jessie's hair symbolically changed from volcanic red to pink, and Contests introduced a cuddly theme where glitter glue and sequins are top priority.

Every sharp corner, every jagged point has been filed smooth. Now its substance hasn't the hardness to even develop edges, not when it's all cushions and candyfloss, where catching Pokémon rests on them deigning to grant permission, rather than 'avin it out.

Tsunderes, exuding untamed charisma and independence, besides a soupçon of danger, simply don't fit the cardboard box we habit now.

Nor do yanderes, kuuderes, tsuntsuns, or even derederes. It's just nothing but smiley-smiley creeps.

I wouldn't mind any of these tropes as long as there was some sign of colour to be had.

9. The Sacrifice of Misty

Misty bid farewell under the feeble justification that the lack of a longterm goal made her vulnerable to sacking.

Such a line uttered as if her own choice, being beyond them as writers to invent a purpose.

This implied her replacement would have an exciting quest aiming for excellence, something just beyond Misty's capabilities.

What did we get?

Dressing up and collecting Ribbons!

Is that...is that it? Is that the great idea? Is that all the girls are worth?

I lost Misty for THIS?!

Perhaps it makes no difference. By Hoenn they'd rendered her a leaden blandness sucked dry of all that made her special.

Going by the greasy-toothed bastardisation that swanned up in Alola, Misty was simply too wild for the safe, stifling atmosphere of today.

Her departure ensued she remains frozen as a funny, beloved presence, unlike those she left behind.

Now there was a lucky escape, as once the fanny-flapping starts, the bints have it on the brain.

May had Max to beat on the side, but Dawn developed monomania.

Hardly an episode went by without some reference to Contests, or how today's plot spurred her on to the next opportunity.

Yer need help, love!

Rather than Ash's new friend being a fascinating person who so happened to enter vanity projects, the competition defined them to the exclusion of life.

It is but moths drawn to the candle flame waiting to engulf them.

Contests are this world's version of Tom Riddle's diary: they promise sympathy and validation, but they eat your soul.

Like Tumblr.

10. Completely Unoriginal

Seems to me it wasn't so much Misty had no goal, it was more that Contests were the supposedly hot concept wedged into an existing property.

If earlier aspects failed to accommodate the invader, the onus certainly wasn't on the new kid to change. Oh no, stuff it in and chop off whatever gets in the way.

In the eyes of the post-Shudo regime, Misty was too volatile to last, and so had to go.

What idiots.

She's a tsundere. The softer, more feminine side is a defining component.

Would it really have been so problematic to retain her as an entrant? If Jessie can, why not?

Even if failing to fit, so what? Since when was established characterisation a barrier?

Isn't twisting likeable folk into unrecognisable pods the modus operandi of the writers?

That canon is immaterial, and must always give in to whatever fancy they currently have?

Well then, what's the big deal in infantilising Misty to promote it rather than pensioning her off?

Viewers will be more invested in the challenges awaiting a familiar face rather than a stranger.

What reduces the above to the risible is the original Misty and Jessie both participated in the Princess Festival.

All Contests are is that very scenario on repeat and robbed of all meaning.

Think about it:

• Beauty round

• Battle round

• Jessie loses

Same bloody thing.

Not only have I got to suffer this draining spectacle, it's got the nerve to possess not one iota of fresh ideas!

Contests are a low rent rip-off. The Princess Festival had a worthy reward in the shape of one-of-a-kind Dolls.

It'd already been revealed that ordinary Princess Dolls were ruinously expensive, therefore the special Pokémon edition have to be priceless.

What d'yer get for the trouble of a Contest but a bit of plastic tat taped to bargain basement frippery?

And they demand you get five of 'em!

Contests themselves were then resurrected as Showcases, although mercifully slimmed down to only three, with the emptiness ramped up in compensation.

Perhaps ironically, Princess Versus Princess is one of my favourite episodes. I love its critique of female avarice and accurate portrayal of clothing sales as reminiscent of the zombie apocalypse.

I don't mind the Festival as a single adventure, but I may have felt less favourable had it been a constant presence.

Except it isn't the competition at stake. This is a framework to explore Jessie and Misty as people.

Through its device we learn their history and therefore how they came to develop as the girls we know.

The setting serves as an opportunity for both to confront the misery and isolation of their childhoods, with the promise of overcoming that old torment with the balm of victory.

In the final, they aren't so much battling an opponent as fighting to be free of the past.

The tragedy is only one can be granted that reprieve. The other must remain unhappy in the ruins of memory.

It matters, unlike vapid Contests, where posturing is king. What depth can they provide in comparison?

Despite identical content, they are inverse counterparts, with the Festival presented as merely a light affair concealing a rather dark tale of neglect.

Contests however are paraded as this worthy nourishment for body and mind, a major point in one's journey towards enlightenment, when all they really amount to is an organ grinder and his monkey arsing about for the slack-gobbed plebs.

Bread and circuses.

Best of all, Misty won, not some side twat, as it should be.

Note how Jessie dressed: in delicate, vivid robes and golden decoration. The boys thought her beautiful.

Not as a gormless dweeb you'd cross the street to avoid!

And why the need to disguise herself anyway?

The Twerps had no issue with Jessie of Team Rocket joining the fun back then, so what happened?

At least she received the consolation of gaining Lickitung as a friend, with James and Meowth desperate to comfort her.

What do Contests bring? Sod all!

#pokémon #team rocket #contests #misty #jessie #kanto #princess versus princess

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anastasiaskarsgard · 5 years

Text

So this was a request from @anxiousamandapanda

Concept: Roman is being an asshole, and the reader just loves him so much that nothing he can say will push her away. Plus she loves his sassy face. Arguing turns into smut,

I even ended it with fluff as a bonus. No one is more surprised than me!

Warnings: smut, cursing, violent roughness, rejection

Katie nervously walked up to the familiar modern mansion where The man she knew would be her eventual undoing, lived. Roman Godfrey. She’d tried to run away and forget him, traveling to the far corners of the globe, in hopes of locating whatever or whoever, could make her forget Roman. But relief never came, and the farther away she got, the more she yearned for him. She knocked and rang the bell, but after a few minutes with no response, she tried the door. Luckily it was unlocked. She peeked inside, not seeing anyone so she yelled out, before closing the door behind her, and seeking him out.

Katie: Roman! Are you home? I knocked but no one answered,so I let myself in. Helloooo????

She checked all the rooms downstairs, and then heard something fall from Romans room. Butterflies sprang into action at the thought of seeing him after all this time. She walked in his room and couldn’t help but feel pure joy, looking upon his gorgeous features.

Roman: I was ignoring you. Please see yourself out.

Katie: is that any way to talk to your favorite girl in the whole wide world

Katie slowly approached Roman, like he was a rabid animal.

Roman: Wow. You’re delusional and you don’t fucking listen. I don’t have time for your bullshit Katie.

She heard his words, but she didn’t believe them. She ran over to him attempting to crawl in his lap,?desperate for any kind of contact.

Katie:! Oh Romie! I missed you!

Roman looked at her in utter disgust, grabbing her by her shoulders and pushing her off his lap, watching as she flailed her arms, before crashing on the ground and sliding several feet away.

Roman: are you fucking insane? Don’t fucking touch me!

Katie looked up at Romans sneering face, and her heart melted.

Katie: God you’re so fucking hot when your mad

Roman: can you ever take anything serious? Where the fuck have you been?

Roman didn’t want to admit it, but the past four months had been hell. When the one girl he actually believed when she’d told him she loved him asked him if he loved her, he had refused to answer. Sure he could see it caused her a lot of inner conflict and pain, but he’d tell her that he loved her when he felt like it. When he was certain. He never dreamed she’d walk out and stay away for months without so much as a text or email. It had broken him and he’d just recently started functioning again.

Katie: I got side tracked.

Roman: for four fucking months??

Katie crawled slowly across the floor like a cat, trying to lean against his leg, looking up at him longingly.

Katie: it was a large track

Roman: get the fuck away from me, before I rip your throat out....

He pushed her hard, making her roll over, landing on her hands and knees. She stayed thAt way a few minutes, breathing harder than Roman felt was needed. His lips upturned a bit at her dramatic antics. He loved how ridiculous she was. He’d never admit to that either but she was exciting. Suddenly she jumped to her feet and marched right up to him, looking him in his eyes defiantly.

Katie: as long as you touch me, you can do whatever you want to me

Roman: don’t say it unless you mean it.

He absent-mindedly played with her hair, thrilling internally that she’d returned. He loved how she was such an obedient whore for him. She allowed him to do whatever depraved perverted acts he could think of, and be thrilled she’d made him happy. He had gotten used to having that constant source of love, and craved it like a drug. He tried to find it in some old booty calls, and had even gone on a date with one, but it wasn’t the same. Sure these girls were obsessed with him, and some even said they loved him, but it wasn't real.

Katie: fuck me up Daddy, I deserve it.

Katie grabbed his bulge above his pants, keeping eye contact, biting her bottom lip

Roman: I fucking hate you...

Katie: not as much as I hate myself

He growled and bit her lip almost hard enough to draw blood before pulling back

Roman: we are both so fucked up. Last chance to get the fuck out before I take out all my fucking aggression on you.

Roman looked for a reaction, but she didn’t even flinch. He turned around and stalked away leaning against his counter looking in the mirror. He stared at himself, trying to figure out what he was feeling, when it hit him. He was happy. He turned his attention to Katie, who was now stark naked, jumping on his bed. She squealed when he turned around and met her eyes.

Katie: you know just the thing to say, to get a girl naked.

Roman: you are ridiculous, why are you naked? What makes you think I'd even care to see you again?

Katie: I can see your smile shining in your eyes fool! You can glare and sneer all you want, but your mouth is a dirty liar. You eyes never lie. But maybe you get over things better than me. Time offered me no relief, neither did distance. How long did you miss me? Be honest.

Roman: I missed your bat shit crazy ass every day. Every hour.

She stopped jumping and walked closer to Roman standing just in reach to tempt him. She could see his bulge straining against his pants, so he was still at least physically attracted to her.

Katie: I missed you.

Roman: why?

Roman regretted asking as soon as he said it. He didn’t want to appear weak or vulnerable. When he looked at her face and observed her puzzled lost expression on her face, he saw red.

Katie: why did I miss you?

She was impossible he raged. He tried not to explode. She knew why he asked why. He had had it with her nonsense, turning away from her. He balled his fists, and clenched his jaw.

Roman: just go. Everything is a game with you.

Katie: I left because I love you too much. I’d follow you through the gates of hell if you’d hold my hand.

This was what he’d yearned to hear, her weird little professions of love, he could feel his walls coming down, and he was close to giving in.

Roman: stop!

Katie embraced him again defiantly. Holding him tighter as he tried to shrug her off. He understood she was mad he didn’t answer her question the way she wanted to hear, but he wasn’t going to live in fear of being abandoned when she didn’t get her way

Katie: I tried to stop. I left the country trying to forget you, but I couldn’t so now I’m not leaving. You’ll have to kill me. I’d rather be dead, then away from you.

Roman: how do I know you won’t just up and run away again? I couldn't survive it a second time

Katie: because I got away from you and we both know you weren’t going to ever try to find me, and yet I came back. knowing you might kill me at any moment.

He grabbed her by her chin, looking her in the eyes with a sinister smirk playing across his lips...

Roman: how do you know I won’t just fuck you until I’m bored of you, and then throw you off the roof, or drain you dry?

Katie: as long as I get you one more time, I’ll die happy. But I know in my heart, you’d never really hurt me. The only thing you ever do, is push me away when I won’t stop touching you.... like now.

He was trying to push her away, but nothing scared her away. He wanted to touch her, but he knew he wouldn't be able to stop once he started.

Roman: how could you go knowing I’m left here alone?

Katie: you don’t have to be alone ever again

He wanted to believe her. He tenderly ran his hands across her body, having to use every once of self control to play it cool.

Katie: just answer my question I asked the day I left

Roman continued running his hands across her body, lost in thought it seemed, before looking her dead in the eye...

Roman: no

Katie: thats really your answer?

She took a step back, tears already filling her eyes, threatening to spill over. She searched his face for a hint but when his expression didn’t change she lost it and screamed in his face

Katie: answer me! .

Roman: get on your fucking knees.

Before she realized what she was doing, she slapped him across his smug face. His expression became more sinister, as she saw his eyes darken and his smile appeared forced as it spread across his face.

Roman: God, Ive missed your fire. Now get on your fucking knees, bend down and kiss my shoe, and then do that sexy little crawl you do over to the bed. NOW!!!

She immediately got on her knees, laughing excitedly, clapping her hands with glee. She looked up at him with the cutest look on her face, and it took his breath away for a moment. As dark and lustful as his thoughts were, and as hard as he was trying to be an asshole, she somehow always softened him up with just a glance and a giggle. She fascinated him but she didn’t listen well.

Roman: what are you supposed to be doing

She remembered what she was supposed to do as she kissed his shoe, and made her way over to the bed. Roman went in his closet and grabbed some ties, picking up her underwear before climbing up on the bed, pushing her on her back.

Katie: What are you doing? What’s behind you? Let me see.

Roman took her underwear, and shoved them in her mouth, gagging her. He then grabbed her wrists, securing them together and tying them to the headboard. He beamed down at her, and wiggles his eyebrows at her

Roman: that’s better.Finally, you’re quiet and helplessfor me to do as I please

She whimpers through the gag and his smirk gets bigger. He slowly strips off the rest of his clothes and makes his way towards her, never breaking eye contact. He settled next to her feet and She closed her legs tight, feeling embarrassed. He grabbed her ankles and yanks her legs apart, crawling between them and humming as he sees how wet he’s made her, and then looks at her with a raised brow.

Roman: are you sure? There’s no turning back. Till death do us part.

She nods her head and then bucks her hips as he licks along her slit. He grabs her thighs, opening her up wider, pinning her down so She can’t move. She whimpers and whines through her underwear as thrusts his tongue deep inside her, laps up her juices and sucks on her clit. Her eyes slide closed as the pleasure completely takes over and she ges lost in the sensations Roman is giving her. Just as Her climax builds to seconds away from bursting, he pulls away. She cries out in frustration, but it’s muffled by her gag.

Roman: What was that? I can’t understand you. You’re not being a brat are you?

She blinks at him, growling in the back of her throat at his mock concern. He glares at her and She cries out in shock as his hand slaps down on her thigh, leaving a perfect red imprint of his palm. He lifts his other hand and She squirms, trying to shift away from any more slaps. He rolls his eyes, And yanks her back, sitting on her shins to pin her down. He slaps her thighs over and over again until Shes sobbing, almost insane from arousal.

Roman: I’m going to remove your gag, but I can put it right back in

He leans forwards and pulls her underwear out of her mouth.

Katie: please Roman!

Roman: Please what? Say the words

Katie: Fuck me, please!

Roman: When I’m ready.

He begins to trail kisses up to her breasts, taking his time on each breast, looking up at her making the most delicious sounds.

She arches into his mouth with a moan and then scream as he bites down.

Katie: Roman! please!

He shakes his head and pushes his knee between her legs, pressing up against her pussy. She moans and bucks her hips, grinding against him, desperate for any kind of friction.

Katie: Roman, please claim me. Make me yours

He stills and then she hears a low growl come from his throat. She gasps as he roughly grabs her hips and pushes his other leg between hers. She whimpers as he lines his cock up with her entrance, slowly rubbing his head across her swollen clit, before placing himself at her entrance, hovering above her but then he freezes.

She wants him so bad she feels like she’s going to explode, but she doesn’t dare buck her hips, or try to rush him.

Katie: I love you Roman Godfrey

He slams into her, giving her no time to adjust as she feels his cock bottom out. He cries out from how tight she is, and can barely move inside her as he feels her walls clench around his shaft. He pounds into her more aggressively, causing her to gasp and moan With abandon. She wraps her legs around his waist as he fucks her into the mattress, groaning and mosning, saying the dirtiest sweet nothings in her ear. He lifts her up a bit as he settles back on his haunches, pushing back inside her, grabbing her by the hips, so tight she’ll for sure have marks, and starts fucking into her, slamming her down as deep as he can go. He hammers away at a frantic pace, watching his cock slide in and out of her perfect pussy. She scream his name as She cums, arching her back, desperate to get her hands free, to touch him. He groans as She tightens around him even more, crying out as he cums deep inside her, his fingers digging into her flesh. He collapses over the top of her as he pants for air. She whimpers and pulls at her restraints so he might get the hint and untie her.

He leans up and unties her, carefully checking her wrists. When he’s done, he lays beside her and pulls her against his chest, kissing her forehead.

Katie:. i love you so much

Roman: good

Katie: I’ll never leave you again

Roman: you better not princess.next time, I WILL fucking find you, and I’ll RIP out your treacherous heart and eat that motherfucker.

Katie: perfect. I’d deserve it.

Roman: you were so tight. You didn’t share my pussy while you were away did you?

Katie: absolutely not!

Roman: I can tell.

Roman had had several women In her absense, but none of them made him feel the way she did and for the first time in his life, he wanted to be completely faithful. She was all he wanted.

Roman: Katie. Open your eyes,

She obeyed and gazed into his pretty eyes, as he seemed to be trying to find his words. He had the cutest look of frustration before he just grabbed her face and crashed his lips into hers whispering “I love you’s” over and over between kisses. He pulled back and looked the most vulnerAble she’d ever seen him look

Roman: I’ve only ever said that to my sister and my daughter.

Katie: that’s makes me the winnner at life. The best boy loves me so I win.

Roman: now I wanna just say it again and again. I never got why people said it so often, but I feel it now. I love you Katie. I truly do.

Katie: I love you more Roman Godfrey. Can we rinse off, get clothes on and go get pancakes?

Roman rolled his eyes, but then smiled and nodded his head.

Roman: you can have anything you want.

Katie: seriously?

Roman: name it

Interactive story Bonus!What should she ask for?

#e #bill skarsgard #billy skarsgard #bill istvan günther skarsgård #roman godfrey #hemlock grove #roman godfrey fiction #soft roman #roman #fanfic #roman prompt #roman drabble #roman godfrey fanfiction #my writing

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xhold-on-tightstay-stongx · 5 years

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I have another rant... sorry

So... I have been off my meds for a while... and it's been causing problems between me and my family... I'm not off of them by choice... I lost my insurance and have been having problems with the insurance company. So anyways, I baby sit some little kids that live next door to me and I do it so I can have some extra money and be an overall good person and maybe even be a good mom someday... but, the thing is, my mom and I have been doing nothing but fight the last few days and I often find myself wondering if it's because I haven't had all the medications that keep my brain functioning like a normal persons... even more, I know that it in all reality is my fault we're fighting so much. I spend a lot of time on my phone and doing stuff for other people that it's like I dont do anything for my mom. But I would do anything for her if she wanted me... I dont know if I am intentionally trying to build up walls around myself to make it less painful for when I leave or if I am trying to distance myself because I don't want her to see how shitty I've been doing lately. I love her with my whole heart that every time we fight I end up crying and thinking she hates me... which I know isnt true and I know that she loves me and supports whatever I do in my life. But we still fight and argue and everything is a mess because I cant function like a normal adult because I can't control my moods or emotions or stay focused on something. And that's the major problem for me... I get distracted and then I end up going into my own little world of whatever and forget what I'm supposed to be doing. I try to be a good daughter... I've been trying to be better than I was yesterday for the last 5 years. Some days I'm good at it... some days I utterly suck at it... I've only had one big achievement in my life and that was getting past the ideation and the self harm and made it to the next day. All my other achievements were pretty minor... I graduated on time... I started college... I turn 20 tomorrow... but honestly... what I really want is to be able to make my mom happy and it not be a constant fight between her and I anymore. I dont like fighting with her and I don't like knowing that it could have been avoided if I was just able to function normally. I would love for a day where it could be just me and my mom without her feeling bad or me feeling bad and for us to get along and for us to have fun together again... I miss being able to go do things with her and not stressing out about if things got done at home or if my dad will be in a bad mood when he gets home or anything like that. I want to be able to have my mom back to where we used to be... before I was fucked up and had to rely on my medications to make me feel normal and for me to feel like I wasn't on the edge of a mental explosion constantly or waiting for something to go horribly wrong. I miss the days when things weren't bad and when it was ok for us to argue about something and then we would make up with an "I'm sorry" and a hug. Now any more it's an "I'm sorry" and it gets twisted around into something even worse than before.

I know it sounds prolly stupid to alot of people and like an excuse for my actions and why I've been such a shitty person and lousy daughter but I have been dealing with Bi-polar type 2 for the last 5 years, anxiety, different forms of depression, insomnia and, constant migraines, I was also diagnosed with ADHD at 12 and have been on medications for all of this since the diagnosis. 5 years ago, I wanted to kill myself it was for reasons that I don't want to get into at the moment. I spent a week in the hospital getting the help I needed and my mom was always right there with me saying that we would get through it together. And we have, but lately it's just felt like she's tired of my shit... I try and get things done for her, but I either don't do it right or I start one thing then move to another then another and then another and one project never gets finished before another one starts or I get distracted by something and I forget to do what she asked...

I know that she feels under appreciated and like she does nothing but clean, but without her being the amazing woman she is I would never have gotten as far as I am now and I wish she would understand that.

I feel like such a horrible daughter because I can never do things the right way or I inevitably start a fight for something minor. And I was even told by one of my doctors that I tend to lash out at the people I care most about and trust the most as a defense mechanism and because I know that they wont leave me for it... but I still feel like I am the one who is the problem when I have little control over things that I do...

I hope people reading this will understand that I am not just some entitled little brat that is bitching because her mommy yelled at her.

I am writing this because I need to get what is eating at me out and hopefully someone will care enough to check in on me but if not that's ok too.

I also want people to understand something. I've almost lost my mom 4 different times. The first time was the night my little sister was born... my mother almost died that night along with my sister. She was in an accident and was taken to the hospital by ambulance and was really hurt for along time. Third time was an accident that should have killed her, it is a honest miracle that I still have her to this day. She was rear eneded at 55mph while she was at a dead stop and she suffered from head trauma amongst other things. The fourth was right after she was in the last accident. She had a severe allergic reaction to the nerve pain medication that they gave her. I said that I wouldn't be as strong as I was or where I am in my life without her. And that's why.

I am a total mommy's girl. And I can't imagine a world without her in it.

I wish she knew that though. I wish she knew that she is my entire world and my heart stops every time I hear sirens and that she is my hero. My mom is my best friend and the woman I look up to most in the world and some day I hope to be just like her. Strong and resilient. She's been my rock when my world was being swept away and she held my hand and told me that everything was going to be ok when I wanted to die. I wish she could see the amazing woman I see when I see her.

I know that this rant was a bit all over the place but I really needed to get everything out...

#possible triggers #trigger warning #rant #sorry i needed to vent #anxeity #bipolar #adhd #depression #my thoughts

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chaoticrayne85 · 6 years

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Tornado plus fibromyalgia equals major pain

March 3, 2019 started like every other normal Sunday especially the ones that we get to spend with my family 2 hrs away. We had gone to my parents the day before so we could see everyone before my brother's deacon ordination at his church on Sunday. Every thing was going great until we got back in the car after the service. Our phones were in the console so they wouldn't be going off in church. My hubby checked his phone and had multiple calls from his family. He got his mom on the phone and was told we had been hit by a tornado. We made other calls to find out if all the family was ok, was the trailer we live in standing, how much was damaged, could we even get home. So for the most part everyone was fine just shook up, trailer was standing, we definitely had damages to the property, and there was no way possible to get home that night. Sitting in the restaurant eating with my family the news channel was on the t.v. and showing towns around ours who were pretty much leveled or had massive damage. Stress levels were already through the roof not knowing what we would find when we could finally get home; seeing the destruction from neighboring towns just made the tears roll.

Being a spoonie during a natural disaster kinda sucks. I have fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, anxiety and depression issues, PTSD, migraines, and spine issues. When my emotions get messed up it gets difficult and painful to move around. Driving 2 hrs in constant pain both physically and emotionally is an experience I prefer not to relive often.

We get home there's trees down everywhere, power lines across the road and laying in the yard, power's out of course, porch roof is missing part of it and the missing part is in a tree behind the trailer, a tree narrowly missed our master bed and bath, the carport moved despite being staked down, underpinning on the trailer is well it's very much messed up. We got lucky or rather we were very blessed. Our family members across the road from us had trees on their roofs. Down the road from us looked like a bomb went off. Between our fence line behind our house to the end of our road which is about 9/10s of a mile maybe was the damage zone width. Looking at the destruction made me realize just how blessed we were. The emotions triggered a migraine which triggered my fibro. The temperature didn't help things either because with the tornado came a cold front that dropped the temp to near freezing from being in the mid-70s. I'm very sensitive to temperature and weather changes like most spoonies are.

We got to start cleaning up some the day after the storm when we was able to get through the roads better. My hubby and other family members got busy cutting trees off homes of other family members while I went in our house and packed another bag to go to my parents. Our house was without power for 48 hrs. so our house was extremely cold which didn't help the pain level. We stayed with my parents for 2 more days mainly because it took me 2 days to recuperate from the first trip back home to check on the damages.

We finally got to come home to stay on Wednesday once they got the power back on. It was 58°F in our house! It was COLD! I turned the heat on and me and the dogs cuddled up under a thick blanket in the recliner. When I get cold my body feels like I have knives stabbing me from head to toe, my hands swell and get a slight purple tint to them, putting pressure on my feet sends pain radiating through them and my lower legs which doesn't matter if I'm cold or just tired. When I'm in the amount of pain I was in that day it gets difficult to concentrate kinda like brain fog but a little worse in my opinion. Fibro fog I'm still able to semi-function but that day there wasn't much functioning in my brain. I couldn't process anything whether it from the pain or just the shock of reality I'm not sure. Not knowing what you're coming home to after a storm is very stressful and the stress causes us spoonies a good deal of pain, brain fog, tears, and exhaustion. Once the clean up starts even tho we still have our home when many others do not; it's still exhausting. We started getting a better look at the damages on Saturday when we started really cleaning up instead of just making it passable. I tried to help clean up by picking up limbs and things like that. I lasted til about lunchtime before I was hurting so bad I had to take something for the pain and chill in the recliner. None of you know me very well but for me to break down and take pain meds my pain level is to the point of tears. I hate pain meds with a passion because I can't function or think straight on them in other words they make me incredibly sleepy. So yeah chillin in the recliner means I was out for a few hours.

Not being able to help clean up the place I live or help with family members's homes that were damaged makes me feel like I'm being lazy or like other people view me as lazy. It really bothers me that I can no longer hold out as long as other people. It hurts my feelings and self-esteem to think about how others view me and my lack energy. Most of the time I can push through the pain if I have to but once the exhaustion starts kicking in I'm done. I can't fight through both severe pain and exhaustion together. Other people who don't live with chronic pain and chronic fatigue issues don't always truly understand what we go through on a daily basis. I know I'm probably a bit paranoid about how people view my limitations because I'm actually very hard on myself when everyone around me is working hard like they've been bthe past 2 weeks yet I can't hold out for more than a few hours before I have to rest. It's frustrating having a body that rebels on you at every turn.

#spoonie #spinalstenosis #spinal fusion #spoon theory #spine #chronic fatigue #chronic pain #chronic fаtiguе ѕуndrоmе #fibromyalgia #fibrowarrior #fibrofighter #tornado #storm clean up

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eds-zebra-warrior · 3 years

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2021 Ehlers Danlos Society Awareness Month (Day 9 Prompt: Inclusion)

Inclusion is a difficult topic for me as it's very difficult to feel included. This actually comes hand in hand with discrimination, segregation and inequality, especially being someone with EDS who can’t walk. When it comes to family, I can go into my own house and into my neighbor's house and that's about it. I grew up in the invisible illness community, eventually making me part of the rare disease community. As my symptoms progressed and I was paralyzed, becoming a permanent wheelchair user, then fell into the visible illness community. I will explain my lack of inclusion not only among the community, friends and family but also exclusion I face within the medical system and law enforcement.

I have been excluded by all outings and holidays by my extended family. My aunt likes to have holidays at her house and had a wheelchair ramp installed when her mom got older. Not long after the passing of my grandma, I was paralyzed, going into a chair. Being in a chair and my aunt knowing I cannot walk soon after removing the ramp from her house with little to no consideration of my needs so now when she has holiday dinners at her house I cannot go. I brought up the ramp once and she said “Well I didn't think about you” then later I realized how hurtful and mean what she said was so I sat down asking questions like “So you can't walk at all? “Have you ever tried to see if you can stand up?” “Well what about physical therapy?” “Well, I went to physical therapy when I had cancer and it helped a lot so I don't know why it didn't help you.” Which honestly was even more hurtful because I am not even a candidate for physical therapy after being paralyzed during physical therapy.

With cancer going rampant in my family somehow when family members ask about me and how I've been, they somehow seem to turn the conversation into cancer. “Trust me I know what pain is, I had cancer and if you ever get cancer you will learn what real pain feels like.” of from those older than me saying “You're too young for pain, Wait till you’re my age, then you’ll know what real pain is”, failing to even research EDS, Multiple Neuropathies, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome or any of my other conditions. The McGill Pain Scale has recently been challenged with a study done on a cohort of EDS patients. It was found that EDS is more painful than Complex Reginal Pain Syndrome which originally took the top place on the chart as the most painful condition with Cancer pain hitting around the mid range area of the scale. Some tend to downsize EDS and make it sound like I’m just a wimp for needing medication for my pain. I always hear things like “Me and my daughter were sick and we are both doing great now. Why aren't you getting better? Again, this relates my condition to cancer and other long term conditions that are a lot more common and have treatment and/or surgery that can put them into remission.

EDS has no remission. It doesn't magically go away. I have a gene mutation and as of now, you cannot repair a broken gene so this is forever. There is no remission but society is raised to believe cancer is the worst thing a person can ever go through and cancer is also one of those conditions where there are two outcomes. You go into remission and get better, living life normally or possibly on several meds to keep you functioning well, with the exception of younger children or some adults who have organ systems permanently damaged by chemo but even then they are much healthier and have a much more normal life than they did with active cancer. There's also the other side of the spectrum. You die. There are so many conditions that, depending on the type of cancer or hormonal mutations can easily be much worse than cancer leaving people much sicker than chemo patients but with no chance of remission. Imagine being on chemo for 50 years straight.

I have learned to hate the discussion of cancer when others compare pain and symptoms because many with chronic and/or rare diseases like Ehlers Danlos, Lupus, Muscular Sclerosis, Lateral Sclerosis, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Osteogenesis Imperfecta and many more are also very dangerous, have a lot of serious symptoms and comorbidities, risk the person's life and can very well cause more pain or more systemic symptoms than cancer. I am not saying cancer is not important, I am just saying people with these conditions are also compared with people who have cancer with most people who do this not knowing anything about our condition, just going off of the assumption that what we hear about most in the media, what has the most fundraisers and financial backing and what has the most attention has to be worse. Many more will get offended if you explain or give them information relating to the pain levels found in EDS mad that you would ever compare your own medical condition to cancer even after they just did the exact same thing by invalidating your pain and saying something like "If you think you're in pain now you should experience the pain that comes along with cancer. Now that's real pain" Its as if its okay for them to compare but not you making it automatically wrong for you to stick up for yourself when they try to invalidate your pain. The worst part is when they do this day in and day out without even noticing they are doing it. It gets exhausting and frustrating when someone is always trying to tell you why you are weak and spread the misconception that all cancer patients are much sicker than these other conditions, downgrading you. This leads to a lot of people giving unsolicited medical advice, telling you all the reasons why you aren't getting better knowing nothing about your condition so it really does go both ways and gets old to hear.

Another issue I had with inclusion was when my cousin got married. I have food allergies and couldn't eat anything they were serving. At the time I was a teenager and couldn't drive so my mom told my aunt she was going to go to Wendy's and get me a baked potato because I needed to take my medications and needed to take them with food. We were at the reception and next thing I knew my aunt was literally screaming at the top of her lungs at my mom about how she wishes my dad had never married her, she cant stand her and I’m a spoiled rotten little brat. My mom kept trying to get a word in telling her I have food allergies and can't eat what she has so it has nothing to do with being spoiled and it's not that I don't want what they are eating and honestly would probably rather have what they are eating but that I can’t because before my diagnosis gluten put me in multiple organ failure. My aunt was yelling about how she will not take my mom leaving and coming back and me eating Wendy's at their beautiful wedding and continued saying, if I’m hungry enough I will eat what they have and she needs to quit spoiling me and allowing me to have a different meal than everyone else was eating like I was a picky little kid instead of someone who if I ate what they were serving I can go into organ failure or anaphylactic shock. If she didn't think a Wendy's baked potato fit into her daughter's wedding décor scheme she would have really not been happy to have an emergency squad backed up to the door, a gurney and a bunch of paramedics so my mom, myself and my dad didn't understand why she was making such a big deal out of it. My dad then told my aunt we are going to leave and apologies to my cousin for leaving the reception early. After he did this my aunt started calling my mom and I derogatory terms still yelling while my mom was simply talking and trying to keep it quiet so it wouldn't be a big deal but she started calling me and my mom derogatory names and didn't talk to my mom for two years all over a baked potato and my food allergies.

Outside of the family also have little access to inclusion as I have not one friend with a wheelchair ramp or no steps going into their house so zero access to visiting friends as well as family. The lack of understanding crosses over to friends as well and I have lost most of them. I’m not the best when it comes to visiting friends as my health is so unpredictable and many people take this as me being flakey or not wanting to visit when most of them knew how timely and never canceled on them when I was healthier. I also had two friends who used me and manipulated the situation to make it sound as if I was the reason we never hang out. One of these people, she and her husband did a lot of traveling and it seemed like every time she was out of town she would contact me and ask if she and her husband could come visit me when they came back. I would agree and when she was back in town she would usually ignore my messages until a day or two before leaving again and say “I wish you would have said something sooner. We’re packing up now and about to leave to go to Florida now. They would leave and she would message me saying they were on a Disney cruise but when she comes back they wanted to visit me if I was up for it. Again she would either not tell me when she got home or I would message her that day or a day or two later telling her if they want to visit it's fine with no response and no response until right before they were about to leave again saying something like “Oh, well we're about to go to California. I wish you would have let me know sooner, not acknowledging the message was originally sent a week or two prior. When I finally asked if they really wanted to visit or not and what was going on, she then responded saying, well every time I ask if you want to hang out, you never do which was far from the truth since she would only talk about visiting when on vacation or while packing to leave the state again.

Another friend of mine since high school did something similar. She would call or text me and ask if I wanted to hang out the next day and of course sometimes I said no but a lot of the times I said sure because it was something low key like she would come over here to visit or just meet at the dog park or something. If I said yes she would say “I know you have good days and bad days and your health can change so if you are still up for it call me at 10:00 in the morning and let me know what you want to do. Well 10:00 am would come around and I would call her and say I was up for hanging out and she would say “well, I’m actually at my sister in laws now so can we do it another time” another time she would call and tell me if I’m up for it call her around noon and I would call her at 11:30 or so and tell her I’m up for it and she would say “Oh, well I didn't know if you would be up for it or not, I actually took my daughter to the park so we will have to get together another time.” Next time she would call me that morning and tell me she was going to be in my area and asked if I wanted to meet her for lunch. I would agree and she said she was going to take a nap and to call her at noon. I would call and she would say “Oh, well I’m at the mall with another friend, can we meet up another day”

Don't get me wrong, she was like this before I got sick and when we were kids where she would cancel a lot but when I got sick and she was calling me at least once a month to hang out and after two years went by and every single one she canceled out on me to hang out with another friend or go somewhere else and only two of those were because you had a doctor appointment or something and declined on your own there's a problem. I asked why she didn’t seem to want to hang out and she said “What's the point because every time I call you say you're not up for it. When I only said I wasn't up for it twice and she canceled more than 20 times in a row, having no problem telling me she was hanging out with a friend from work or someone else making plans to replace the plans she made with me so this is another struggle I have faced since getting sicker.

The people I used to think were my friends who obviously don't like me because I’m boring and can't go out and party, run around the mall for 8 hours or go to the fair and ride all the rides with them but now can only handle the low key stuff like lunch, going to watch a movie, stay here and play cards, go to one of those paint with a friend things or something low key like that and I know the fact is that they don't like these low key activities and think I’m boring to hang out with but don't want to tell me this and I truly believe they don't want to admit to themselves that they don't like me anymore since I’m now disabled so they try to push the blame on me and throw it into the pile of problems I already have lol so friendships just don't work out well for me either.

Now that we have covered inclusion with family and friends let's talk about the community. I have always said, even before I was disabled that the communities that face the most inequality and discrimination are the communities you never hear about when discrimination and inequality is brought up. The Deaf Community, the Disabled Community, the LGBTQ+ Community, the Rare Disease Community and the Invisible Illness Community are the communities who I believe have the most severe lack of inclusion, face the most discrimination, face the most prejudice, endure the most physical, verbal and emotional abuse and have the fewest rights many take for granted. Black Lives Matter has really made me realize how severe these disparities are. Being in a chair I can’t just go to a small town. If we are going on a trip to Cleveland Clinic or the University of Toledo and we are driving through a small town with a lot of small, mom and pop businesses I can't stop and shop at one of those stores. If I have to go to the bathroom they don't have a wheelchair ramp going into their building so not only can I not go into a single store but I am unwelcomed by the entire city.

With ADA being signed in 1990, 21 years later the Columbus Police Department says and I quote “ADA laws aren't real laws and shouldn't be treated as such. Our own police have left me outside on the second coldest day of the year in January when two cars parked illegally in front of both handicap curb cut ramps going down to a parking lot. Instead of enforcing these laws and punishing those who illegally parked in front of these ramps or taking the time to send an officer out to help get me and my chair off of the curb they told me it was my problem and though every building in the strip mall had closed down that it was my responsibility to sit out in the cold with pure autonomic failure and the inability maintain my body temperature indefinitely until someone came back for their car which resulted in me going into hypothermia.

With BLM coming to the surface the disabled are seen as weak and also are essentially the punishing back for the black community now just because we are seen as weak and easy targets to take their anger out on. I have been through the illegal parking issue time and time again. Another time a black man parked in front of the curb cut. My dad kindly asked him to move his vehicle and he told us we had to wait while he finished his conversation with his friend which took about 20 minutes. We were in a bad area of town and my dad and I were the minority so there wasn't much we could say or do or we would be seen as the ones who were racist. This 20 minutes was one of the scariest times of my life as a woman overheard my dad asking him if he would mind moving his vehicle so I could use the ramp. She came up to me and pointed to my dad who is a senior citizen, asking why he can't lift me up in my chair and off of the curb. This area was old and fan down so the sidewalks had been done multiple times so the curb was quite high. It was about 10 inches up from the parking lot so not a little bump I can just back off of and I was 112 lbs., sitting in a 39 lb. wheelchair with a 17 lb. service dog and I didn't understand what she was talking about because she couldn't possibly mean for him to lift all of that weight himself and put me onto the ground plus the wheels spin and even with the wheels locked the wheels will still move so you need two people to lift a person in a chair without flipping it. Anyhow, kind of confused I said “No, I don't think so”

She then went off yelling about how I'm an overly entitled white bitch who thinks she can get whatever I want handed to me on a golden platter. My family probably owned slaves and how I have a lot of nerve to ask a “N word” to move their car so I can use a ramp that belongs to the community and doesn't have my name on it. How he can park wherever he damn well pleases and white bitches like me need to be shot thanking we can get all our NEEDS met when we don't even know what needs are because they “N words” have had to go without their needs for 400 years now calling me multiple swear words and derogatory terms as well as saying multiple times that I need shot. After about 20 minutes of her in my face screaming at me during Covid and me saying please, I have a compromised immune system or I’m sorry, I just can't get to my car the guy finally said he would move his car for us to leave. It was terrifying but things like this happen all the time.

Another incident happened in Aldi near the beginning of the pandemic. The checkout line was massive and stretched ¾ way down the second isle. And there was one of those electric pallet jack things they use that can't be moved because you need a key to start them on the right side of the isle so no space to get through I just waited at the back of the line until it got past the pallet jack so I could get by which wasn't an issue because the line always moves really fast at Aldi and there were only two people with carts in line behind the pallet jack so I got in line behind the last woman in line and locked my breaks. I put my smaller service dog on my lap because the isle was really crowded and I didn't want her to get stepped on.

Next thing I knew there was a black woman coming around the corner yelling everybody move, get out of my way slamming her cart into the back of my nearly new $7000 wheelchair and $7000 smart drive so hard that she shoved me in my chair, with the wheels locked about two feet forward and my foot plate into the ankles of the woman in front of me and kept pushing her cart yelling at me to move. I was still shocked at what was happening so all I could do was say “I can’t” because of course the line ran beside the pallet jack which couldn't be moved so there was only about 4 inches between the edge of the fork of the pallet jack and everyone's cart. The woman let go of her cart and walked up to the side of my chair, grabbing my right side push rims and tires and yelled “I SAID MOVE!” and pulled up flipping me and my service dog out of my chair and onto the ground with my body hitting the shelf to my left and dragging a ton of baking products off the shelf and on top of us. A bunch of people turned around and gasped when she did this and the woman's teenage daughter embarrassingly yelled “MOM NO!” then ran up around her mom and flipped my chair upright.

I was sitting there on the ground so shocked I still didn't know if I was hurt being someone who is prone to dislocations, traumatic brain injuries and having multiple spinal cord manifestations. The woman's daughter was almost in tears from embarrassment and reached down to grab my arm to try to help get me back into my chair when her mom yelled at her to get over there The girl said “but mom” and she said “get your ass over here now” and turned around her cart to start to go around the next isle. The girl then let go of my arm, her eyes still all watery because she was about to cry, she mouthed to me “I’m sorry” and ran around to the other isle where her mom was. Of course I didn't blame her daughter. She tried to help and I felt bad for her too. She tried and proved she was different from her mom.

After they went down the other isle the woman in front of her and the woman in front of me started helping me. I was checking my service dog Maggie to make sure she wasn't hurt and she seemed fine, just had eyes as big as saucers like she was kind of in shock over the whole thing too. The lady in front of me picked Maggie up off of me and held her in one arm while both picked up all of the cake, brownie, cookie and powdered sugar laying on the floor and all over me and put it on the shelf. She then put Maggie down on the floor for a second while they both helped get me back into my chair and then the one in front of me picked Maggie up again and put her on my lap. The Lady in front of me pulled up her pants leg to look at the back of her ankle where my foot plate slammed into her and she was bleeding. I apologized and she laughed sarcastically and said “It's not your fault, trust me, you are not the one who should be apologizing for this.

The three of us started talking with the one in front of her talking about how disgusting it was that she did that to me when right then the woman who slammed the cart into the back of me came up the front of the isle yelling at everyone near the front of the line to get out of her way. She didn't physically assault any of them like she did me but she was yelling at everyone to get out of her way, shoving her way between carts to try to get things off of the shelf and throwing it into her cart. There were only two employees working that day, one ringing people up and one trying to stock all of the shelves that were being picked through faster than she could stock so I can't blame the employees either because they were grossly understaffed.

I have had so many experiences like this since Black Lives Matter took off, a lab core worker talking bad about me because I showed up without an appointment when their door and website says “Walk ins welcome” and I tried to make an appointment but the captcha was down on their website so I wasn't able to confirm that I wasn’t a robot in order to submit my appointment and purposely showed up at 11:30 am because you could see already claimed appointments and 11:00, 11:30, and 12:00 were all open appointments. To make things better, My doctor had already sent the request and I scanned it into the tablet they had there as well as scanning in pictures of my license and insurance so everything was filled out and all I needed was to pick up two plastic, half gallon jugs for a 24 hour urine test.

She was in the back calling me similar names to what the woman did at the eye center when the guy was illegally parked, bringing up slavery and how my grandparents may have been able to get away with whipping “N words” to get them to do what they wanted but I can’t, how inconsiderate I was for walking in and who did I think I was thinking I can just walk in all unannounced without an appointment. She said “I ought to slap that bitch! Girl, you gonna have to hold me back before I slap that bitch” talking to the other phlebotomist. I could hear everything she was saying after she closed the door and she went on and on, came out and asked for my paperwork so she could put it in the system, ripping it out of my hand, kept going on and on saying nasty things about me then finally came back out and nicely said “Oh, I didn't know you already put all of this in the system for me. So you’re just here to pick up the jug?” I said “Yeah, I've done one of these before so I don't need any instructions or anything, just the jugs. She went back and still talking nasty about me came back a minute later with the jugs and said nicely have a nice day but still her body language wasn't nice and you could tell her friendly voice was sarcastic.

That's when I decided to stick up for myself and stopped her before she closed the door again and said, “Did you know your walls aren’t sound proof? I heard every word you said about me while I was back there and just so you know, I tried to make an appointment before I came here. The captcha is down on your website; you know, the little thing you have to click online to prove you’re not a robot? It wasn't working so I couldn't click it to submit my appointment request but it said online and on your door that walk-ins are welcome. I saw you had empty appointments from 11-12. I didn't know if anyone else would be here since the site was down but that's why I chose to come now because I didn't think you would be busy because of Covid and all but I did try to make an appointment. Her facial dropped.

She then started kissing up to me saying “Oh sweetie, you are totally fine, that's what we're here for, come anytime you need to, she walked over to the double doors and opened the first one saying “Let me get that door for you sweetie.” pointed to the floor and said “Do you see that spot right there with no carpet? There used to be a big lip in the door right here and I personally had it removed just for people like you who are in wheelchairs so your wheels won't get stuck on it. Would you like me to get the other door for you?” I said “No, that's okay, It’s not that heavy, I’ve got it” she then said “No, no, no, I insist. I’ll hold it open for you, I’m here to serve you. She then followed me outside where my dad was parked which was awkward and said “would you like me to help you into your car?”

These are the more major examples but I’ve had more minor interactions too such as trying to buy vinyl for my Cricut maker from a black small business owner to be told “Sorry, I only buy from and sell to black people” I had a dental appointment and Medicare and Medicaid is a death sentence for those with rare diseases with only two dentists that took my insurance within a 30 mile radius. I settled for Refresh Dental in Hebron, Ohio which was quite a drive but none that took my insurance were close so I made an appointment. When I called I asked if they were ADA accessible because I’m a wheelchair user and the receptionist said yes. I then asked about Covid and the precautions they take because I’m immunocompromised. She said they are very careful, told me they wear full PPE, mask, face shield, smocks, they have updated their HVAC system and are really clean. She said none of their staff had contracted Covid so I made an appointment.

When we got there we parked at a building that looked like it was about to fall in. Termites had eaten all the way through the window ledge, and you could see the studs behind it. When I went up to the door I was relieved to see a sign saying to go to the white building behind that one, surrounded by a bunch of orange stickers which looked like condemned stickers. Their driveway was gravel and anyone who is in a chair knows, a gravel driveway isn't easy to roll on at all so though it was cold outside I was getting myself into a sweat going back to the building behind it. The first thing I saw was a staircase with about 9 steps up into the building and I was thinking uh oh. I hope they have another door. I went around the building and found another door and this one had two steps into it. It was a door with a step into it, you walked about 5 steps and stepped up another step into a second door. I called the office and no one answered.

I then called my mom who was in the car by the first building and asked her to come over there. She saw the steps and said “You’ve got to be kidding me” and went into the building to talk to them and then came back out and told me what they said. She asked the receptionist if they had a ramp or another way into the building for people in a wheelchair. The receptionist pointed to the door that my mom just came in and said “That's the door our disabled patients use” My mom told her I’m in a wheelchair and called ahead of time and was told they are ADA accessible and the receptionist said “We are ADA accessible.” My mom followed up saying “Then how can someone in a wheelchair get in here? The receptionist said “Can't she just walk in here?” My mom said “No, she’s paralyzed” The receptionist then said “Well we have other patients in wheelchairs and they just leave their wheelchair outside and walk in here. It's only two steps.” My mom then said “So, we just drove 40 minutes here and you’re not ADA accessible?” The receptionist said “Yes, we are” my mom said “but you don't have a ramp?” She said “When your daughter called she asked if we are ADA accessible. We’re ADA accessible, not wheelchair accessible.” My mom said “First of all wheelchair accessibility is part of being ADA Accessible, you don't have wheelchair access you are not ADA Accessible and second of all, she told you she was a wheelchair user so I don't know what else you could have thought she meant by ADA accessible. The receptionist said she had to go speak to another staff member. She then told my mom to have me go back up to the front building and they would bring supplies from this building and meet me over there to see me.

We went back to the first building and I had been sitting out in the cold all this time. We sat outside the building for 20 minutes waiting for someone to come unlock it. I then called their office and this time someone answered and I said “I’m really sorry for bothering you but will it be a while before anyone gets over here? The reason I’m asking is because I have Autonomic Dysfunction so cant maintain my body heat well and was wondering if it was okay if we go back out and sit in the car until someone is ready for us” She said “stay there, she should be there right now” I said okay and waited, finally about 5 minutes later someone came to the door and opened it. The concrete wheelchair ramp was so old that it had sunk about two inches into the ground so I still had to pop a wheelie and push on my wheels while my mom pushed the back of my chair to get up into the door.

When we got in there it was filthy, every surface was covered in dust, dirt, wood chips and dead bugs. It smelled like the moldy basement of my sisters 1890 house. It was so dirty that I put my service dog in my lab because I didn’t want her to sit on the floor. I could see a trail from my wheels and my mom's footprints in the coat of dirt on the floor. The receptionist brought out paperwork for me to fill out and while I did she and the hygienist were flipping breakers to turn on electricity to one of the rooms and were bringing over a laptop, air purifier and some dental tools. I could see them in the room. The hygienist took a dry paper towel and brushed the dirt off of the chair and edge of the countertop onto the floor, not using any chemicals or even moisture to clean anything. The dirt started floating around in the air which was when they brought in the air purifier to suck some of it up. She sat the dental tools straight onto the counter she had simply brushed the dirt and dead bugs off of. I watched them do all of this while I filled out my paperwork and sat in my chair waiting for my appointment. They eventually called me back, now well over an hour after my appointment time. I gave my service dog to my mom because they had to do x rays and went back.

I got in the dirty chair and the hygienist only had a mask on and nothing else. She wheeled in an old x ray machine that looked like it was jimmy rigged to a sawed off IV pole. She put the bite wings in my mouth and tried to take the image and nothing happened. She yelled at the receptionist to hit another breaker and took the first image of the tooth that was bothering me. She then pulled the bite wings out of my mouth and that's when I noticed that they were reusable bite wings and having a lot of medical knowledge I knew those cannot go into an autoclave and was horrified when I saw that they didn’t have the clear sanitary cover bags on them to prevent the spread of disease but at this point I had already had them in my mouth and the damage was done. Having no clue if I had just essentially French kissed a Covid patient while being immunocompromised myself and having a condition that so far no one with it who has contracted Covid has survived it was too late so I didn't say anything. She put it back in my mouth for another image. Once she was done she grabbed a camera made for taking pictures of the inside of the mouth. It also had no sanitary covering on it and she took pictures of my teeth and said we have to wait for the dentist to come over.

I looked around the room while waiting and it was totally empty except for the chair I was sitting in. There were no pictures on the wall, no curtains, no TV, no pedestal where the little sink you can spit in usually is and where the cleaning tools and suction hook up, no chest of drawers with toothpaste or other supplies. They didn't even have any light in the room, just a light fixture with wires hanging out of it. Just a very thick coat of dirt, dust and dead bugs everywhere and a window letting light in. When I looked at the window I noticed there was light coming in around the window where termites had eaten holes all the way through the wall around the window casing. There were brown streaks running down the wall where water had come in the holes which I was assuming explained the moldy smell because if there was water getting all the way inside through the swiss cheese termite walls then there is probably a ton of water and mold behind the walls. I I continued scanning the room while talking to the hygienist about my dry mouth and she told me she was going to give me some jell to trial for dry mouth. Soon after, the dentist came in and was very cold. He said nothing to me at all but said to the hygienist “Cavity on 15 and 16” and left totally ignoring me when I said hi. The hygienist told me to go to the front where the receptionist was to schedule a filling and a second appointment for a comprehensive dental since they refused to do them the same day or do the imaging of my whole mouth when doing the images of the one tooth.

the receptionist had brought over a laptop of her own and tried to schedule my filling for two days after I got the second Covid vaccine and I told her I didn't think that would work because I would get the vaccine less than 48 hours prior to the appointment and I didn't know if it would make me sick or how long your sick for when you get it but I know my nurse didn't feel well for about a week after hers. The receptionists said “You’ll be fine” and scheduled it anyhow making sure to tell me about their cancellation policy and fine which she should know with the vaccine I wouldn't know how it effected me until the cancellation policy had passed. She then went on to tell me that she cant get it because she has a heart problem. I told her I couldn't either at first either but not because of my heart problems but because I'm a high anaphylaxis risk but my doctor came up with a concoction of meds that we can take starting two days before the vaccine, the day of and three days after that has shown to prevent full blown anaphylactic shock in most of us. She said we would have some kind of allergic reaction and still can go into anaphylactic shock but it will reduce the chances so hopefully the allergic reaction is tolerable and we won't need to go to the hospital. So I went that route and got the vaccine at a place close to the hospital. I then said, It's too bad that more healthy people don't consider people who literally can't get a vaccine or are immunocompromised and won't get the full benefit, or any benefit at all from the vaccine before they refuse to get it. She said Actually, I can get it, I just dont think I should get it. My dad got it and my sister and I tried to tell him not to get it but he didn't listen to us and got it anyway but I guess when you're old or sick like you guys are and are going to die sooner than later anyhow you don't really have much to lose.”

I felt like she was throwing me in the grave. She then said “you know that they chop up aborted babies and put them into the vaccine right? I said “Nahh.. that's just a rumor that went viral on Facebook that was originally created by some college freshmen. There's no fetal tissue at all in the vaccine. Where the fetal tissue comes from was in the 70s and 80s two women voluntarily donated their aborted fetuses to science. No other fetuses have been used since then because they have replicated the cells over and over again. Think of cloning. They do this so they won’t need any more fetal cells. The replicated cells aren't used in the vaccine, they are used in the early states of testing potential vaccines before they even start conducting studies on animals and after the hypothesizing stage to see how human and living cells respond to benign injected with the possible vaccine to ensure it doesn't harm the cells and does what its supposed to, which not only saves money because the cells can be replicated over and over again but it also helps save animals because its a way to test the vaccine before moving on to testing on them. Of course a lot more can be found on living animals than just in cells so things can still go wrong in the animal phases but there is no aborted fetus at all in the vaccine, it's simply used as a cell to test the vaccine on.” She said Well I’m a nurse too, not just a receptionist so I would know.

I then thought this would be the perfect opportunity to change the subject and said “Oh, really, I am too. I graduated from Columbus State, where did you go to school?” She changed the subject back saying, I know a lot of nurses and none of them have gotten the vaccine. Only a few people here have gotten vaccinated and this place has been riddled with Covid. Almost all of the ladies have had it at least once and they all are okay now. How many people do you know who have gotten vaccinated? I said “When I called to make this appointment I asked about Covid because of being immunocompromised and the person I spoke to told me no one had gotten it. Why would they lie to me? She said “I don't know who you spoke with but that's not true. This place has been riddled with it” At this point I was letting what she said simmer a bit and sink in, honestly not happy at all that they had lied to me more than once at this point and about very important issues.

She then went back asking me how many nurses I knew who had gotten vaccinated. I said all of them and not even just people I graduated with my home health infusion nurse got hers but she ended up getting Covid too. Idk if you saw on the news about the senior husband and wife that got Covid and the nurse arranged for them to be put in a room together and they died within minutes of each other? Well the nurse who set that up, her name is Mariah and I went to high school with her. Just a fun fact I guess.” She said “Well did she get vaccinated? I said “yeah and right then the hygienist came back with the dry mouth gel so I cut the conversation off and said I needed to go because my mom was out in the car. I couldn’t believe they had a halfway decent office for their able bodied patient but put their patients in chairs into a filthy, condemned building that is moldy and about to fall in from termite damage. If that's not discrimination, I don't know what is. and to top things off, I put the dry mouth jell into my mouth and it tasted awful. I looked at the expiration date and they had just given me and it had expired over a year prior. I saw another dentist and also found out that I never had a cavity at all and my wisdom tooth was coming in.

I do not feel included when it comes to my extended family, friends, community or country. Most things labeled handicap accessible aren't including the Franklin County Social Security Office which slaps a handicap sign on their bathroom stall which the door is so narrow that my tiny wheelchair for my 112 lb. self rubbed the edges of the door trying to get into it, not meeting the 32” door clearance standards listed in the ADA laws nor did it meet the minimum 5’x5’ size limit in order to be ADA accessible so most people in chairs cant use it at all and even those with tiny wheelchairs like mine cannot get their char in far enough to close the door so are forced to use the bathroom with the door open, on their period while people walk past and see everything. It’s disgusting that we live in a society where people in wheelchairs, even if they can hold their bladders are forced to wear adult diapers or map out every public facility, only going to ones they know are accessible enough because here in the US we are so welcomed and marginalized that we don't even have access to about half of the businesses in the US let alone a bathroom that everyone else in the world who is not a wheelchair user takes for granted and when we are lucky enough to find a palace that has a toilet we can use, it's always the filthiest ones, the ones that able bodied people use as their private pooping palace believing that just because it’s two or three feet wider that extra three feet will make their fart inaudible.

This is a country where an able bodied person can buy a new car for $16,000 and a used one for sometimes less than 2 grand but if you’re disabled your new accessible vehicle costs around $75,000, a used… well many states you can’t insure a van that is more than 5 years old and cannot convert one more than 4 years old and it has to be less than $50,000 miles and fit a bunch of other criteria so used isn't much less. We live in a country where you are not allowed to pay an able bodied worker less than minimum wage yet SSDI comes out to $2.60 less than minimum wage and employers are allowed to pay disabled workers less than minimum wage. We live in a country where ADA laws were passed but police officers don't have to enforce any of these laws. Here in the US they have schools for girls only, boys only, black only, deaf and blind but no special schools for children with physical or developmental disabilities, just life skills training for adults so education is still not equal. A country where if the Black or Asian Americans are brutalized by the police or community members and it is broadcasted on the news even though more than 70 percent of police brutalities in fact occur to those who have physical, psychological or developmental disabilities but this is never mentioned even if the person fits into two minority groups.

This is a country where if you have a service animal that you rely on you still don’t have the freedom of religion because a church can legally turn away a service animal. A country where if you are a drug addict you can get 50 mg of low dose naltrexone free and go to suboxone clinics free of charge but if you are a chronic pain patient you have to pay over 300 for 2 mg of naltrexone to control your pain and stay off of opioids which are oftentimes the only things covered on Medicare but also the same medications being cracked down on not by people who need them for chronic pain but by addicts in turn putting limits on opioids so drug addicts can live and chronic pain patients who are in so much pain they have seizures and go into organ failure to live in agony and possibly even eventually die weather it be suicide because they cant stand the pain or from organ failure that results from the pain.

A country where doctors are taught “if you hear hoof prints on the ground think horses not zebras'' meaning when a patient presents with a symptom consider common conditions that can be associated with these symptoms not rare diseases allowing doctors to abuse and neglect patients and slap psychological diagnoses on them so they don't have to jump into the rare disease realm of medicine or even learn about it in school. This results in more than 250,000 deaths each year from medical neglect alone and that's not even the people like my mom who wake up on life support to find out days of their lives have passed and they are now living with permanent disability. A country where there are still states like ohio where you cannot sue for medical abuse and neglect unless someone died or comes out essentially a vegetable and if this results in disability where you are in a wheelchair or have limited cognitive impairment but can still speak and think to some degree, yet still resulting in permanent disability, it's just too bad, so sad for you because sure you went in for a simple gallbladder removal and came out needing the blood in your body replaced 4 times, going into exploratory surgery with a 5 percent chance of survival, split from your breast to your pelvic bone to have all of your organs removed, your liver repaired which fell apart multiple times in the process of trying to sew back together your liver the other doctor cut open and tried to hide for 9 hours while you bleed to death, sure you came out on life support after being deemed legally dead multiple times and had four brain aneurysms because of this trauma, which resulted in cognitive impairment, missed months of work only to get laid off, now deal with chronic pain, fatigue and weakness for the rest of your life and will never be able function like you once did ever again but you didn't die and you're not cognitively impaired enough so that's on you, the doctor on the other hand can keep operating on people as if nothing ever happened.

America is where people on Welfare, who are poor and in many cases don't want to work, make more money and get more financial benefits than someone on SSDI who is disabled and literally can't work. A country where people on Medicaid who are poor get better healthcare than the sick and elderly on Medicaid and if you qualify for both Medicare and Medicaid you might as well forget it because your insurance isn't much better than having no insurance at all regardless as to what special programs you fit into, where the Medicare formulary trumps the Medicaid formulary and if Medicaid for the poor covers a service but Medicare doesn’t, what Medicare says, goes and you simply don't get coverage for your needs. A country where a president cuts funding to the Orphan Drug Tax Credit, oftentimes the only funding that most rare diseases have to study possible treatments for these diseases while cutting taxes multi billion dollar industries have to pay in taxes such as his hotels and golf courses and every time they send out a relief check during Covid they make up for it by cutting funding to either schools or Medicare, particularly Medicare recipients with rare diseases, removing them from the formulary and allowing them to die to pay for these checks, hitting those with rare diseases because they are just that rare, meaning less people to complain so it's less likely there will be large riots for these people. This essentially reversed the act put in place ensuring those with preexisting conditions can get insurance leaving us so underinsured that many will likely die because they cannot get their medical care covered and can't afford it.

A place where those with disabilities are still not accepted, ADA is not yet being utilized in many areas or even seen as real or legitimate leaving us to be isolated from all aspects of our lives. We have very few rights, access, equality or inclusion more than 20 years after the signing of ADA into law. This leaves a lot of people like me to live lonely lives where we have no chance to succeed or in some cases such as those issues related to Medicare, not even a chance to live. By law an insurance company cannot deny you insurance based on pre-existing conditions however they can deny you coverage of the vital care you need once issuing you a card leaving insurance virtually useless with many rare diseases making survival of the fittest a terrifying reality. Welcome to America. The home of land of the free and home of the brave.

#MyEDSChallenge #MyHSDChallenge

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