#but it's just when i'm trying to scroll through the dashboard.

[spectrearia]

tumblr has been insanely glitched for me on desktop the past few days, like? lots of jittering on the page, posts not loading properly (or not appearing at all), and my scroll bar jumping wildly around and not allowing me to scroll after a certain point without it just erratically skipping??

never had this happen before. I know the dashboard unf*cker creator recently chose to cease updating, but I'm not sure if that plug-in is the cause or not. anyone else having this issue with desktop tumblr? it's kinda driving me insane.

[vandijkwrites]

sorry if you've already answered this 700 times, in which case totally feel free to ignore. but how do you lengthen your attention span? is it as simple as watching/reading progressively longer things?

First of, I am by no means an expert, but I'm happy to help as much as I can! There are a lot of great articles, books, and podcasts on the topic if you want any further info.

The most important thing to realize is why are attention spans are getting worse:

Information overload and distractions make it difficult to focus. (Ex. social media and text notification going off while you are doing other tasks)

Intentional multitasking gets your brain used to doing more than one thing at once so it becomes very difficult to make it do only one thing (Ex. having the tv on in the background while doing other tasks)

Consuming a lot of media focused on having minimal downtime and immediate gratification decreases our patience and ability to do slower tasks (Ex. watching a lot of action packed movies and short TikToks)

Getting constant small hits of dopamine from social media decreases our ability to do tasks that don't give us dopamine hits (Ex. getting likes from a post or messages from friends)

The solutions to most of these come down to two things: (1) Do only one thing at a time (2) Limit distractions from that task (3) Reduce immediate gratification

So some example of ways to do that would be:

Read a book without your phone being on hand to distract you.

Watch TV without multitasking.

Reduce time on social media, especially social media focused on short videos.

Spend a day or part of a day without technology.

Spend time with friends without looking at your phone.

Watch slow-form content like unedited lecture or panel videos where people are just speaking at their normal pace without cutting pauses.

Listen to music albums all the way through instead of shuffling and skipping.

Eat meals without multitasking (ie mindful eating)

Make yourself a cup of tea and sit on a park bench or by the window and watch some birds.

People-watch at the coffee shop.

Write long emails or letters to friends and family instead of short texts.

Call and have a conversation with a loved one without multitasking.

Meditate.

Take a walk and enjoy nature.

Don't scroll through your phone while waiting in a line.

Read long posts when you come across them on your dashboard.

Have an ebook on your phone to read whenever you would normally scroll through social media.

Don't go on your phone/online for a certain amount of time before bed.

If you are having trouble doing these things, try to do one tasks but increase the stimuli of that task. For example, read a book while listening to the audiobook at the same time. Or listen to music while watching a lyric video. These are great baby steps!

Another great baby step is (like you said in your question) doing things for progressively longer amounts of time! Set a timer for a certain number of minutes and then read without distraction for that amount of time. That way it won't feel like it is never ending and you can track your progress.

Obviously not all of these will be for everyone and some of these are too hard for people with ADHD or serious attention issues, but they are a good place to start!

I hope that helps 💕

[duhragonball]

Akira Toriyama (1955-2024)

I wouldn't say I'm feeling better today, but I'm feeling less bad than yesterday. So let's see if I can put some words together.

In case anyone still hasn't heard, Dragon Ball creator Akira Toriyama passed away on March 1, 2024. This news was made public on March 7 or 8. I woke up early on Friday morning and found out while I was checking Twitter. I had a long, busy day at work, and I kept getting on my phone to scroll through fan reactions and tributes.

I think that, more than anything, is what's gotten me so worked up about his death. My Twitter timeline and my tumblr dashboard were just chock full of touching message and images about how Akira Toriyama's work has changed their lives. I wanted to write my own tribute, but I'm not sure what else I can say that hasn't already been expressed by Archie Comics, professional wrestling trio The New Day, and the Republic of El Salvador.

There's this immense, global community of fans, and it's easy to lose sight of just how big it is. It's easy to get bogged down in the infighting and petty squabbles. I saw one tweet responding to the criticism of Dragon Ball not being like this "entry level" franchise compared to other, more high brow anime and manga. It's popular with so many people, that critics will assume it's designed to appeal to the lowest-common-denominator. But the opposite is true! Dragon Ball is accessible, which is how so many people from so many different places and walks of life can get into it. The guy telling the story was such a master storyteller that he could grab an audience's attention and make it look easy. So easy that the haters would start to think that it was a trick, and he must be overrated.

Let me talk about this panel for a minute.

Last night I started going through the original manga, looking for panels to screencap. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but I thought maybe a selection of panels that really stood out for me might be worth posting. I'll probably still do that one of these days, but I got to this one, where Gohan tells Chi-Chi about Goku's death, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

This was a powerful scene in the anime, of course, but in the comic it's even more profound. It's just one panel, no dialogue, because the reader already knows what's happening here. We know Gohan is telling his mother that Goku died in the Cell Games, and that he refuses to be wished back, because he thinks his presence on Earth will attract new enemies. It was hard enough to hear when Goku said it to Gohan and the others, and now Gohan has to relay that message to Goku's wife. All she can do is lie prostate on the floor and weep.

And look at the composition. She's surrounded by all that negative space. Gohan's there for her, but she still feels so alone, surrounded by her husband's absence. Pots of flour for food he'll never eat. An empty chair he might have sat in. Their son, who will have to grow up without him.

I saw this, as though for the first time, and it was so gut-wrenching that I had to post it by itself. I felt like it summed up my feelings better than any words could. We're all Chi-Chi in this panel, reacting to Akira Toriyama's death. And we're all Gohan too, each of us consoling one another with our own thoughts and tributes.

So what did Akira Toriyama mean to us all? Lots of people have answered this in a lot of different ways. Obviously his art, storytelling and cultural impact speak for themselves. I've seen people compare him to other luminaries like Jack Kirby and Osamu Tezuka. I'll try to add my own two cents with this:

I wrote a post about "Dragon Ball Daima" back when it was first announced, and I led off with this image of a note from Akira Toriyama. I guess this was from some big fancy presentation about Daima at a convention. I forget which one. In particular, I was skeptical that the Daima rumors were even true, and if they were, the whole idea seemed half-baked to me. Turning Goku into a kid had been done before, and it wasn't exactly successful the first time.

But this note from Toriyama was very reassuring to me. More than the trailer clips and character designs, this was what got me interested in the show. That's because he took the time to not only hype up the show, but also to explain what's going on behind the premise. He took the time to tell everyone that he's working on this show, and what "Daima" means, and why all the characters get turned into kids. It's "due to a conspiracy", and the good guys will have to "fix things". In short, he established a plot, conflict, and resolution to the story. He didn't just slap this together to sell new merch. I'm sure that was part of the motivation to make Daima, but there's more to it than that.

I think that's the loss I feel with Toriyama's passing. It's not that there won't be new Dragon Ball stories in the future. I'm sure others will continue telling their own versions long after I'm gone. I'm not that worried about the fate of Daima. I'm sure they'll figure something out, whether it's delayed, rewritten, or canceled. But we'll never see another message from Toriyama to promote a new project, and that's what I'll miss. From here on, his credit will just be an acknowledgement of his past contributions.

There's this great credibility with Akira Toriyama's name. Fans will argue about how involved he was in a project as a way of establishing how good or bad it was. Dragon Ball GT has his name on the credits, and he provided some designs and artwork early on, and for some fans that proves the series has his endorsement. For others, the sole problem with the show is that he wasn't directly writing the script. There's similar debates over Dragon Ball Super, where he was involved, but only writing those mysterious "notes". So if a fan doesn't like something in DBS, who do they blame? Did Toriyama lose his touch, or did his co-creators fumble the ball? Dragon Ball Evolution basically ignored all of Toriyama's advice and bombed, while Battle of Gods, Resurrection F, Broly, and Super Hero all put Toriyama's writing credits up at the very beginning, and each film made plenty of money. I read his comments on the Daima confirmation, and immediately thought "Okay, this should be pretty good. Akira Toriyama knows what's up."

That's gone now. I mean, there's still a lot of talent out there, but we'll never again have the little gas mask-wearing robot telling us that this story will be good because he worked on making it good. I don't think I really appreciated how much I trusted that guy until now. I still can't believe he's really gone.

I'll probably have more to say about this in the coming days, but I'll stop here for now. Thanks for letting me ramble a bit on this.

[jojo-oliver]

How to tumblr for artists… my own version

A collection of things that have been working for me, but may not work for everyone

~~~ your posts ~~~

!!!reblog your own stuff!!! you need to reblog your own stuff, there is nothing morally wrong with reblogging your own stuff regularly. in fact, it is morally right to allow the chance for more people to see your artwork.

~~~ queue it!! ~~~ my queue is 500 posts strong. maybe don't try to make your queue hundreds of posts strong in the same day omg but like… once every month or two i'll go through my whole blog and just scroll and "add to drafts" to every one of my own posts i have. then i'll use the "mass post editor" to add content warning tags. and add to queue, and shuffle. and then I write down what the date was for when I last added my posts to be reblogged on queue. this is helped by turning on timestamps for posts in tumblr "dashboard preferences" settings.

queueing is necessary and life saving for me. It takes out so much work with decision fatigue and the anxiety around posting. It also guarantees that even if I suddenly need time off or away from my phone, I don't just disappear and lose all traction. It also breaks the instant-gratification cycle that you expect when you finish an artwork. It's hard to keep creating when you post something and, when you're expecting to get that gratification, you get none... If you queue your new artwork to come out at a later time, you've separated that expectation - with time. It hurts less and contributes to a more consistent gratification thing instead of peaks and troughs.

~~~ tag ya stuff ~~~ when you're making a new post, the first 20 tags are what gets put into the searchable tags. do not feel shame for using lots of tags. shame is the mind-killer. tags are hard. hard to know what to tag a post with. hard to remember the tags. so I found some ways to help myself. maybe they'll help you too. dedicate some time towards just figuring out what tags you want to use. i have a list in my phone notes that i add tags to and reference whenever i'm making a new post. i have the phone right beside the laptop while i'm tagging so that i can just look at it and scroll. tags are the only way for people to find your artwork, other than people manually coming to your blog because they saw you somewhere. there is no algorithm. posting without tags, until you have an established fanbase, is throwing something into the void.

When I'm doing tag research, I look at what people seem to use - when you put something in the search bar, tumblr recommends you some that have a higher following, typically. Looks like this on desktop:

if you like one tag, look at what other people who use that tag also tag their posts with. Observe and learn how this tag is used. search through a bunch of them and write them down.

here's what i got in my notes, for the specific kind of art I post and look for:

these tags are sort of specific to me and the kind of art I make. You'll want to research your own tags, but this is an example of how I keep them organized to make posting more effective. I generally only write down a tag when it's got more than 2k followers. You might be tempted to use the tags with millions of followers, but I've actually found those a lot less functional for small artists. If your stuff doesn't immediately get a bunch of notifications, you're drowned out and pushed to the bottom much faster. But the bigger tags are better than no tags, so I keep them if I can't think of anything else to tag something with.

~~~ post at the right times��.? ~~~

fridays and saturdays is when I post fresh new things... usually. every website has it's own peak hours, and you can find those hours in many different online articles that try to sell you social media growth services. tumblr is unique in having later hours.

here's some random graph from google images:

please don't over think this. please don't let this consume the idea of when to post, preventing you from posting at all. it doesn't mean too much - if you post during very active hours, maybe your art would just be pushed down the feed faster. if you post at the end of hours, maybe everyone's going to sleep… if you post at inactive hours, maybe there's less 'competition'… if you post at the beginning of active hours, maybe that's just more time for your post to circulate for the day, if you have enough people reblogging it once it drops....

this also is in EST. So fuck the other time zones, I guess. I'm over here in europe knowing that the "best" time to post would be like 2-3am or something. It's like this for most english-speaking majority sites - higher traffic in north american time zones.

it's also worth mentioning that this is scattered as heck, compared to other social media sites. and it's not like, the activity times of your followers. it's not the best time to post for your niche. this is just tumblr, broadly. all of tumblr.

~~~ Plan ahead for annual dates ~~~

Your artwork will get more circulation if it's posted on a celebratory day. You could just put them on your calendar and if you're wondering what to make, look on the calendar for what's coming soon. For example, asexual awareness day, trans day of visibility, location-specific holidays, etc. Here's my phone notes thing with my own recorded annuals:

I got these dates from googling and reading different articles, but I find that I still miss dates, and then I add them for next year. If you know of some I missed, tell me and I'll add them please <3

~~~ reblog other people's stuff ~~~

tumblr is sorta about ecosystems. things get passed around within groups of people that are all following eachother. to enter this ecosystem, you must engage and reblog other people's stuff too.

if you reblog other artists' stuff, sometimes they'll come over and reblog your stuff too. sometimes they'll follow you back. this is called becoming a mutual. I'll search specific tags for the kinds of people I want to follow and the kind of art I like - those are listed in the screenshot of my tag note under "Tags for finding new people".

I see a lot of blogs out there that are very clean, posts are tagless, and are only for the artists' content. like scrolling through a portfolio. I imagine this is good for people who are migrating to tumblr but already have their own established fanbase from elsewhere.

you don't need to do reblog other people's stuff on your art blog, you can do this on a separate blog. but if the two don't look very closely correlated, it's hard to tell who you are when you're interacting. and hard to make sure people know that you are the same person as your art blog. and you gotta remember to promote yourself on your personal blog.

~~~ have an art tag ~~~

make your blog easy to search!

if i go to your blog, and you've written 'artist' or 'sometimes art' in your bio, i wanna see it… it make me so sad when i don't get to see it. i want to reblog it. please let me reblog it :(

to make a tag on your own blog searchable, you don't need to repost it to add a tag. you don't even need to reblog it. you can actually just go back to the original post and edit it to add your tag. I've seen post people just have their art tag be something like #(blogname)art . you can see my own in my tags image above. if it's very unique, then it'll work tumblr-wide. I think that's good, since the tumblr search function is really weird. Otherwise it should still work if it's not entirely unique, people just have to make sure they're searching specifically your blog to see only your stuff.

I like to have a link in my pinned post where people can click to have immediately searched for my art tag. Convenience is king. Keep in mind that most people are on mobile, and if something isn't immediately clickable, they often won't find it.

~~~ be consistent and be patient ~~~

!!!this time will pass anyway!!! how many notes you have is not correlated with how good you are as an artist. wanting to earn something from your art means you essentially have two jobs. two potentially full time jobs. this shit's difficult. most of the job is promoting yourself. don't undersell how hard it is to do… don't feel bad for not immediately succeeding. I would write about how hard it's been to promote myself, but it would just be long and sad I think.

This isn't a full guide, please feel free to add more!!

I'm sure in another year I'll disagree with a lot of this, it will become irrelevant with time, and I'll have a lot of different opinions. Chip in and share what you've been doing? Teach me? This is very overwhelming. Don't do it all at once, just like, try one thing at a time, and see how it works for you. Your niche might be different. One size does not fit all. If you're confused about some of the things I talk about in here, you might be on mobile. I do most of my queueing and posting from the desktop browser version.

I will update this with more as things change, but I think you'll have to click through to see the updated post

[daily-pat]

And finally. I return.

A "little" message under the read more.

First, thank you all for the support you've given my friends. I've sent each post to each artist to let them read my little messages, but your own love and appreciation shown through likes, reblogs, and comments were all greatly valued! Even though it wasn't me at the helms of the ship, the new captains helped continue to keep it running, and I cannot thank them all enough for that. Many of these artists, like myself, are looking to work as full time artists, so any and all support and encouragement definitely helps!

Now that I'm back, I do have a few personal words of my own. Having a little break from my usual lifestyle, where I got to simply just got to explore the world, really led me to an important conclusion. When I started this blog, part of me was concerned about the amount of notes I recieved. I wanted to make something valued by the fans, and that mindset ended up influencing my own art. If you've ever scrolled onto my personal blog or seen it across your dash, you'll know that how I typically draw is so incredibly different than what I post most of the time here. This here is actually how I usually draw. There was a little nagging voice in the back of my mind that kept pulling me to try and do what other blogs do, but truthfully, that's not me. I take a lot of inspiration from a lot of things, fine art, haute couture, film, nature, anime, politics. I've tried to stray away from that in hopes of simply riding the wave of fan appeal. Being able to take a step back from that worry, and surrounding myself with the various things that fuel my passion and shape my perspective, made me more invigorated to draw than ever before.

Don't consider this that this blog is ending. I'm too hyperfixated for that. And that's not to say I don't love doing it. I truly appreciate what you all have given me, and I want to reflect that my bearing my own heart out to you all. So from now on, you're going to get more of what I enjoy doing most: experimentation. You'll still see some of the old flavor of my art, but it'll be more of a tasting menu with new experiences. And you'll see more of a reflection of me in my art, JJBA-inspired art style and all. It'll be a bit rocky at first, but I'm looking forward to just exploring. It's not at all what other daily blogs do, but it'll be what I do. And hey, while you're still reading this, show all of those daily blogs out there love. It's a lot harder than you may think. Show the beginner artists love and support them on their path to improvement and refinery. Go to those newly formed blogs, those that cross your dashboard with very few followers and notes, and support them. And to my fellow artists out there, you are at your best when you are truly yourself.

Thank you all, and I'll see you tomorrow (actually later today because I fell asleep in the middle of this and woke up after midnight so. oops)

[frecklystars]

I have no idea if I should come back online or not. I've been offline since. my god, what. fucking April? May?? My queue only has like 10 posts so I should refill that but tbh I don't see a point if I don't really feel anything. I am just a husk, I can't enjoy anything, I am just so numb all the fucking time. I have been doing so bad and nothing is helping and I am so fucking miserable when I can't self ship. I'm in pain all the time and I need my F/Os to help me get through the day but that's so hard when I look at them and watch the movies and feel absolutely nothing. I tried watching a bunch of ryan interviews/movies/shows for the last couple of weeks and there is just. nothing

September is my bday month and every year I try really hard to be extra gentle with myself. and I originally planned to stay offline for the entire month bc I just, I don't wanna fucking be here. I hate being on this hellsite. I hate feeling pressured to get back to so many people when my energy is so low. I don't find any joy scrolling through my dashboard. I don't find joy in making edits or drawing anymore. I don't enjoy my time on here anymore bc I cannot find joy in self shipping anymore. But I don't go a day without going into fight or flight mode, or having a nightmare or a flashback, or stress vomiting, there is always something, and my Ryan F/Os were really helping me get through it for at least a year, but now it's like... the last 4 months I've just felt nothing and I feel so utterly miserable

I can't afford a cptsd therapist anymore but I try to see my regular therapist once a month if I can afford it, and she said it's best for me to try to get back online at least once in a while, bc I'm just... rotting in my room and then going to work at both of my jobs and then coming home and missing my F/Os, unable to cope with triggers since I'm not able to self ship, and just rotting again. My sleep schedule is so fucked up bc of my nightmares/panic attacks I've had every night for nearly two years. I get zero to three hours of sleep every night for the last two years. I'm exhausted all the time and! it makes sense that I'm doing poorly bc your brain makes serotonin when you're sleeping! and if I'm literally never sleeping then ofc I'm not gonna have the stupid happy chemical in my stupid brain. and I'm not eating every day since I am trying so hard to save money, and skipping meals is obviously bad for your brain too, and I'm not socializing as regularly bc I'm so goddamn depressed. so my therapist said I should try to be online again even if it's just once a week, just to make F/O edits or something. fake it til you make it, try to build that habit again. but that feels so hard! I am so numb here! and I have so many bad memories associated with the abuse I've endured that I can't log into this hellsite without just feeling so fucking awful.

I am so tired of living in fight or flight mode and getting shaky from adrenaline rushes all the time and i'm so tired of not feeling like I can trust the people around me because of how much bullshit I've had to go through in the last two years of people purposefully being kind to me in order to betray my trust and manipulate me. I really wish I could publicly talk about what happened to me. I really wish I could publicly tell you all every single little thing that I have been put through in the last 2 years. I wish I could tell you who's doing it and I wish I could post everything... obviously not for witch hunt purposes, but just so people can know what's going on and idk help me, send me support, tell me "hey it's gonna be okay" literally anything, or at the very least just so I can warn you how fucked up a group of people are and say "hey don't interact with these people I've had to actually call the police on them bc they're Fucking Insane". but I refuse to talk about my situation publicly because it won't do anything but cause drama, it will make things worse in the long run, so I stay in my own lane, I just fucking sit here, I never talk bad about anybody anywhere even in private, I never name drop, I am just trying so hard to exist and stay in my corner.

I've been so paranoid for 4 months now bc of all of the stalking I've been put thru in the last two years. I don't trust people, and it bled into self shipping so I feel like I can't trust my F/Os. I know F/Os aren't real yeah yeah I know they're fictional, but idk how else to explain it. Think of the worst possible thing someone can do to you. anything you can think of; I have been thru it. online abuse and offline abuse. my F/Os got tied into that. I was conditioned to believe that these things that were happening to me would be my F/O's desires as well. that they'd want to abuse me the same way because they love me. that I am their "most special person" and that they'd feel an "urge to hurt me". especially if I was in a skirt. especially if I looked scared. blah blah blah all this shit I was told for months and months. endured in real time and then told my F/Os would want to do the same exact thing to me because they love me. that I am only loved through violence and manipulation. because of all of this I've been put through, I genuinely believe I am only capable of being loved if it's through violence whether this is IRL or with F/Os, and anyone who is being kind to me is secretly out to get me. this is such an awful way to live and I don't know how to stop thinking like this. I don't know how to shake it off. I'm so tired.

I want to stop having an immediate stress reaction, my brain spiking my blood with adrenaline saying "you're in danger!! you're gonna die!! you're gonna die!! you need to run!!" every time I see a stupid fictional robot, or certain clothes, or colors, or. whatever. I am so sick of it. It is exhausting dealing with so much stress and anxiety every single day!! every second that you're alive!! I cannot put into words how fucking terrible it feels!!! it isn't just a "eh this happens every once in a while if I just see my trigger" thing, it's a "I feel this every goddamn second that I am awake and even when I am asleep bc I'm having nightmares about it" !!! it's hard!! it sucks! it's hard!! I can't function if I don't have my F/Os and I don't have my F/Os anymore, not in the same way. I don't feel anything for my Ryan F/Os at all right now. Barbie doesn't make me feel safe anymore bc I don't feel anything when I look at her. I can't look at pink and think "ooh barbie pink" and try to get over that trigger. I just see pink and feel tense and like I wanna throw up. I don't see Barbie as a protector anymore bc I'm so numb. I don't see Barbie as a girl's girl who would look out for me, I see her as a potential abuser. I hate this. I miss her so bad. I miss feeling safe with F/Os. I am trying really hard to get that Ryan/Barbie hyperfixation train going again but I don't know how to do that when I am so miserable. I don't know where to start. am I supposed to fake it til I make it? draw and edit and listen to music and just try?? or do I just?? watch the movies? it's not working. but even if it's not working do I just keep doing it anyways? it's like there's a brick wall in front of me and anything throwing love/joy in my direction just hits the wall and I can't absorb it.

So anyway I'm sorry to rant. I've only slept 6 hours total in the last 7 days so my brain is like. suffocating. i'm probably almost done talking. being offline hasn't helped me feel better. I think isolating myself is, uh. not good. but I really don't have the energy for dms. I can try to answer maybe like... 3 asks a week if I push myself. I feel so bad that so so so so so many people reach out to me and I just don't answer. I don't do it on purpose I just genuinely have zero energy, or if someone sends a nice ask, in the back of my head I'm always thinking "nope this is a trap. I shouldn't engage with this" and like, what if it's not a trap? what if it's genuinely just someone trying to be nice to me? I don't trust it. i hate walking on eggshells. i hate that someone can send me "hi keri have a nice day :)" and my brain is like "ah this person is spending one whole entire year pretending to be my friend so they can betray me. they're secretly on the side of [abuser] so they can try to hurt me. don't trust!!!" like. hello. i hate that i've had experiences like that, so now any person who contacts me is automatically a "possible threat" ??? it is exhausting living like that. it's hurting me. i don't think this way on purpose! i am not trying to feed/fuel these thoughts. i have a literal stress disorder. this is part of the stupid complex post traumatic stress disorder. i am! stressed! to the point of this hurting me and i am unable to function! and! idk how to fix it. it's like someone planted poisonous seeds in my brain for 2 years that have sprouted into ugly huge trees and I can't cut them down. because the bark is too strong. or something. and now there's just poison in my head that I don't know how to get rid of.

ok sorry for rambling, I don't know if I am coming back online or not. I am supposed to! I should! I really should! but I really genuinely hate this hellsite after everything i've been put through. i never enjoy my time here anymore. but also my birthday is coming up and I deserve to enjoy my birthday. I want to enjoy it. I want to get better so bad, and if being online and making edits and drawing pictures is supposed to help with that then I will try. at least a little. I want to enjoy my birthday so bad dude. i hate my birthday, I have hated my birthday for years, but this year I am so... hurt, I feel like an open bleeding wound that cannot heal, and I want to be so gentle to myself this year. I want to eat apple pie at a diner and wear my drive scorpion jacket even if im numb the whole time. I want to go to the movies and bring my barbies with me even if im numb the whole time. I want to go rock climbing. I want to eat soft serve ice cream and not feel guilty. I want to learn how to watercolor paint even if i'm gonna suck at it at first. I have 3 F/O anniversaries coming up. K on the 1st, Driver on the 18th, Lars on the 26th. I should enjoy these days. I am not looking forward to any of it. I am just. numb. but I need to try. I cannot just sit here and tell myself it's hopeless. but then again I don't have energy to do anything other than that. but whatever, I will try even if it's just, like, one single day this month where I post art or answer one (1) ask. like literally anything I will push myself to do anything I want to get better SO bad

I'm gonna fill up my queue now, I'm sorry if it seemed messy the last month, I haven't checked it. I used to always organize my queue every day to post certain amounts on certain days, time it accordingly, make everything look all nice and pretty, but I haven't done that. I don't even know if ppl notice that kind of thing or not, I think it just makes me feel better personally when I know my blog is organized. I want to try to answer one or two inbox messages every once in a while. if I don't get to your asks or dms, I'm sorry, it is nothing personal I swear to god I literally am just a zombie right now barely alive and I am trying so hard to just. survive 😭

I love u. I'm sorry my tone in this whole thing comes off very bitter, I am genuinely just fighting to stay alive one day at a time for years and years and years and the cptsd made everything so unbearable and i feel like every single second im alive is such a struggle. I hate being so negative all the time I promise I am clawing my way out of hell to try to fix it even though it hurts the whole time. i want to get better not just for myself but also because i feel so bad that i make vent posts so often. i miss self shipping. im gonna stop here or im gonna spiral even worse. goodnight/goodbye ill touch base later

[seekcrs]

ᰍ̠ EPISODE 01 SALLIE HOUSE + INTRODUCTION EPISODE.

NOTES this episode is mainly an introduction so everyone can see how i'm planning to format + write this! i'm not a good writer, so please excuse grammar errors, spelling errors, overusing certain words, and anything that's out of order. i'm trying my best & that's really all i can do for now! thank you to everyone who signed up, i'll be reaching out to you in order of this list + i'm up to coming up with a good posting schedule, i don't want to post here too often & burn through the list too quickly but i don't want to just post every month or so, so maybe every 2 weeks? feel free to suggest posting times as well <3 FEATURING REYES and DOVE ( @dovectrl ) WARNINGS mentions of death + violence ( scratching, burning, biting, etc. ) WORD COUNT 2.8k

the video started with the camera pointing out of the open car window. the sky was dark and the camera's view was angled upward, capturing a clear shot of the moon. the only sound in the video was the wind as the car cruised. after a few moments, the camera was pulled back into the car, initially facing the dashboard for a minute before flipping around as a muffled laugh broke the silence.

"hello everyone!" reyes greeted, waving and smiling as he held the camera. "my variety show has finally been approved, so currently i'm in the car with my manager and a very special guest heading to our first location." he explained, placing the camera onto his lap. "before i introduce our guest for today, i think it'd be good if i informed everyone on our first location."

"today, our location is the very famous sallie house! several stories have seemed to float around over the years over why this small kansas house would be haunted and why a little girl named sallie is rumored to reside here." the idol leaned back in his seat, fixing his seatbelt over his shoulders while picking the camera up again, finally holding it steady.

"okay, so the first story, which is by far the most popular—oh, and by the way, none of this has ever been historically proven. there are no documents nor witnesses that can prove any of this happened; all we know is that it's very possible. anyway, before the house became 'haunted,' it is rumored that a doctor lived there. one day, he heard loud knocks on his door, only to be greeted by a woman holding her small child. according to the stories floating around, the woman was frantic and worried about her daughter who had been sick at the time. when the doctor took her in, he started examining her, finding out she had a ruptured appendix, and before he could start treating her, she ended up passing away."

there was a brief pause as reyes' phone screen lit up the very dim car as he turned it on. another pause of silence happened while he scrolled for a moment before the car dimmed again and reyes faced back at the camera. "the little girl is known as sallie, i'm guessing. everyone says that is her name, but once again, it's not been proven or documented ever."

he let out a small breath. "it's also rumored that this house isn't haunted by the presence of a little girl at all and actually harbors something much more sinister, which is supposed to be in the basement."

"this house is known for being rather violent at times, especially towards men, according to the homeowners. it's often said that people are scratched or even burned, and it's noted that random fires have been started at this location as well," he informs, trying to show indifference in his emotions, though it was evident he seemed a bit worried.

reyes remained quiet for a small moment, trying to ground himself again. "anyway, now that we've discussed all of that and we're almost to the house, i will introduce today's guest!"

the camera turned towards the backseats, a light illuminating the darkness, revealing the guest, dove of stray kids! the female idol had a bright smile on her face as she took the camera from reyes.

"hi everyone," she greeted, the bright smile not faltering for even a minute. "i'm very very excited to be here as the first guest on reyes' show—he's told me how long he'd been asking his company for it, so i hope everyone ends up supporting and enjoying it."

after the small talk session, the video cut and now the two idols were sitting on the couch of the sallie house. a blanket was thrown over the back of the couch and, overall, the house looked normal so far.

reyes stood from the couch, picking up the camera off the small table in front of them. he turned it towards dove. "are you scared at all?" he asked. "not really," dove replied without any hesitation, a confident smile spreading on her face. the younger idol just shook his head, turning the camera to give a better view of the first floor of the house.

the lights were still on as the camera moved from the couch to the entrance of the kitchen, to the stairs, and eventually landed on the front door. "which room do you want to start in?" reyes asked, turning the camera back towards dove, who happened to be standing over by the kitchen now, glancing around the room.

"the kitchen seems fine, let's turn off all the lights first though. the camera light should be good enough for now," dove suggested, already reaching for a light switch and flipping off all the lights the next second.

now that a majority of the lights were off in the house, the setting seemed slightly more eerie as the video continued on. reyes grabbed a bag with one hand, fighting to stabilize the camera in his other until dove came to take it for him. then the duo walked into the kitchen together.

"those doors over there, the red ones. that's the basement," reyes pointed out as the camera panned to a set of red doors not far from the kitchen table. dove hummed in response, positioning the camera onto the table while reyes continued to mess with his bag.

dove looked around the kitchen for a moment. "i got a really random hot flash," she said after a few minutes of walking around. "isn't the air on in here?" - "i'm not sure, i think it's supposed to be. are you okay?" the younger asked. dove nodded, taking a seat in one of the kitchen chairs.

the camera cut again. in the next scene, the duo was now both sitting at the table in almost complete darkness. reyes was holding a little device in his hand while dove zipped up the bag beside her.

"this is a spirit box. basically, it scans through a bunch of different radio frequencies super fast, and whenever you hear something clear, that's supposed to be a spirit communicating," he informed, holding up the little device to the camera with a small, satisfied smile.

he looked over at dove, holding out his hand with the spirit box in it, offering to give it to her. the older took it, switching it on, causing a loud static noise to break through the room. she glanced at reyes for a moment, who gave her a quick thumbs up before she continued.

"is anyone here with us?" she asked. "do you like us being here?" she added, placing the spirit box onto the table, standing it upright. all that could be heard for a while was the same static noise, pieces of songs, or very faint talking, but nothing super coherent in the slightest.

reyes looked at dove, raising an eyebrow, then reached for the device to switch it off and then back on again. he motioned for her to ask her questions again, leaning his arm onto the table. "is anyone here with us?" the female idol asked again, waiting for just a moment before asking her other question, "do you like us being here?"

after a few more moments of what seemed like no responses, there was a sudden breakthrough as the spirit box very clearly said, 'i'm here,' and then 'new friends' shortly after.

the younger idol very subtly shifted in his seat, straightening his arm up while the other seemed completely unaffected, instead having a small smile on her face.

"do you consider us as your new friends?" she questioned, her voice light and welcoming to whatever was trying to communicate with them. the static continued for a moment before once again something was heard - 'yes,' with what sounded like a young girl's voice.

reyes felt a shiver settle down his back, shaking his head. dove, on the other hand, seemed really just surprised by the whole situation, immediately asking another question - "do you want us to go to a different part of the house?" - 'up,' and then 'stairs.'

the duo exchanged a few glances, dove making the first move as she stood up from her seat and turned off the spirit box for now, grabbing the bag beside her. reyes took a moment longer, pulling himself from the chair with a very faint groan as he picked up the camera.

"i didn't expect to get clear answers at all," he said, shaking his head as he looked into the camera. dove stifled a small laugh, throwing the bag over her shoulder. "we're ghost hunting, wouldn't you want clear answers?" she teased, patting the younger on the shoulder.

once the video cut again, the two of them were now upstairs, in a room filled with many toys and little objects all on the bed. "this is sallie's room, or what everyone says is sallie's room, considering the toys and all."

the two busied themselves with messing with a few pieces of equipment before focusing on the task again. they set up a music box in the doorway of the room and in the middle of the "tea party" that was already set up in the room, they placed a rem pod in the middle.

dove picked up the camera, showing off the two pieces of equipment as reyes calibrated both of them. he stood up, taking the camera from her. "so basically, they both detect motion. for the music box, you have to step directly in front of it and then it'll play a little tune, which is very creepy by the way," he says, shaking his head with a small huff.

"with the rem pod, you have to touch the antenna and the little lights will go off in the direction of where the energy or touch is coming from. a rather simple concept. it'll also make a noise—not as creepy as the music box, but it's way louder." reyes shrugged, handing dove the camera back and stepping away for a moment.

dove turned the camera to face the little tea party set up in the middle of the room. stuffed animals were set in a circle, with little tea cups positioned in front of them. while she was focusing on the rem pod, the music box started going off behind reyes, making him flinch.

the younger moved closer to dove as the music box continued with the creepy music as if something was standing in front of it. reyes looked at the music box, then at the camera. "uh, okay, well, the music box can be rather iffy. sometimes it'll work, and other times it just bugs out," he mentioned, motioning to the music box that wouldn't stop.

"if something is in front of the music box, could you step away for a moment?" dove asked, turning the camera over to the music box again right as it stopped. reyes shook his head, growing slightly creeped out by the whole situation. "that surely isn't bugging," he mumbled.

the music box stayed quiet for quite a while, letting the duo turn back to the rem pod and tea party, which seemed rather lacking in activity for now. "does someone want to have a tea party with us?" reyes asked, sitting behind one of the toys.

dove handed him the camera as she followed his actions, sitting next to him behind another toy. "if anyone would like to join us, we're having a tea party," she offered.

not long after the duo had sat down in their positions, the music box started going off again behind them. reyes nearly dropped the camera as he shot up to turn around, catching the music box in motion.

again though, it stopped after a few moments of the song. then the rem pod started going off—the camera was turned as the rem pod continued going off. the light that was pointing was next to dove, as if something had sat down next to her.

she didn't seem worried at all, motioning for reyes to sit back down with her. the rem pod stopped as reyes sat down. he set the camera in front of him. "if someone joined us, can you make the rem pod go off again? it was the device you were just playing with," dove requested, and her voice was still as welcoming as ever.

the device didn't go off for a while, and the two just sat in silence, reyes' gaze continuously shifting between the rem pod and the camera over and over. dove remained completely unbothered, moving the toy in front of her to the side for a moment so she could turn the rem pod off.

"and it's not responding anymore. it's odd how it will and then it won't," she said with a shrug, holding the rem pod in her hand. reyes just shrugged, standing up from the floor. "maybe it just doesn't like us being at its tea party."

when the video cut again, the two idols were standing in the dark basement. "oo, it feels odd down here," dove said, looking over at reyes. "i mean, we're standing on a burnt pentagram, so like..." he trailed off, shaking his head.

reyes set the camera up on a little ledge down in the basement. "so, now we're in the basement for the very final little investigation. we haven't gotten too much yet, so maybe we'll get something more down here. but this is the basement where it's rumored that a much darker entity spends its time, which fits because it is a basement, so..."

"what are we going to use down here?" dove asked, handing reyes the bag with all the equipment. reyes shuffled through it for a few seconds, pulling out a flashlight and an emf reader. he handed dove the flashlight, causing her to give him a very skeptical look. "so the emf reader picks up on electromagnetic fields, and from my very vast knowledge, other ghost shows, it sparks when ghosts or energies in general touch it. the flashlight is rather basic; if a ghost wants, it can switch it on and off."

dove still looked a bit skeptical at the flashlight, even though she set it up on the ledge next to the camera. "it's not rigged or anything, i picked it up from some random store not far from our hotel," he clarified, picking up on her skepticism.

the flashlight sat on the ledge, which dove showed after she lifted the camera. behind the ledge was an odd box-shaped hole in the wall. "i was watching a video before we came here, and i guess a medium had seen something back in the hole," dove said, speaking to both the camera and reyes, who was busy screwing around with the emf reader.

once he finally turned it on, he handed it to the other, taking the camera from her as a trade. he zoomed in on the obviously burnt or drawn-over pentagram. "forgot to mention, but it's rumored there were like satanic rituals down here that also brought a lot of different energies and spirits here, so they burnt it."

the camera flipped back over to the ledge, showing the flashlight that was just sitting there, currently off in front of the giant hole in the wall. "you can ask questions, by the way," reyes suggested to dove, motioning to the flashlight.

she hummed, the emf barely sparked in her hand, only going up to the second green dot for just a second, completely unnoticeable to both the idols. "if there's anything down here with us, can you turn on the flashlight?" - not even seconds after she asked, the flashlight turned on, and for the first time throughout the whole video, the female idol genuinely seemed surprised.

"is the thing in here perhaps negative?" the younger questioned, zooming in on the flashlight that was off again. the flashlight seemed like it was struggling to come on, barely flickering but not completely turning on.

reyes moved back a bit, getting dove into frame as she stood off to the side of the flashlight. "do you want one of us to stand in the pentagram?" he added, zooming in on the emf reader in dove's hands that sparked to the yellow light, making a faint static noise.

"i just want you to know that i am not standing in that pentagram. i'm a guest, you should do it as the host," dove remarked, shrugging as she placed the emf reader next to the flashlight. reyes sighed, rubbing his face with his free hand. he hesitated for a moment, then handed dove the camera, which she turned to face him.

the female idol turned on the light of the camera, shining it onto the pentagram that reyes was currently standing next to. she motioned for him to stand in it. "man, if i get possessed in the first episode, my company is so gonna get me," he mumbled, stepping into it.

the youngest stood in the middle of the pentagram, surprise washing over his face as he jumped and pointed behind dove. as soon as he started standing in the pentagram, the flashlight turned on. he left the pentagram, "it turned on! i swear it turned on!" he exclaimed, pointing at the flashlight that was still on.

dove turned the camera to the flashlight that reyes was so frantically pointing at. "why did it turn on as soon as i stepped onto that thing?" he asked, his voice with a small desperate edge to it. the older hid a small laugh that threatened to break past her lips, shaking her head as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"it came on, but i'm sure it's just the ghost trying to scare you. calm down," she reassured, keeping her hand on his shoulder, softly patting it. reyes calmed down rather quickly, grabbing up the flashlight to turn it off.

the video cut again, and the two were back in the car. dove had the camera in her hands—this time she was in the front seat. "since reyes had a mini heart attack, we've decided to call it quits for today." she pointed the camera to reyes in the back, who just smiled and threw up a peace sign, fixing the hoodie on his head.

"so that was the sallie house. it wasn't disappointing at all, but the activity was pretty dull. but that's fine, each location is different," dove explained, pursing her lips.

once she was done with her closing remarks, she handed the camera back to reyes. he took it, still smiling as if he didn't panic on camera. "do you regret asking for this variety show?" dove asked off-camera as the car started moving.

reyes shook his head, "no, it's fun. i'm just working my confidence up with everything," he responded, shrugging. the camera cut off with the screen going black for a few seconds.

in the final scene, reyes was in a hotel room by himself. his hoodie was flipped over his head as he waved at the camera again. "hello again, i wanted to thank anyone who watched this. uh, next episode i won't be as scared over something so little, i was just surprised," he clarified, trying to keep his cool surface.

"goodbye and remember to uh subscribe! for more ghost content..." he trailed off, shaking his head again, "i don't know what i'm doing," he said, covering the camera with his hand. the camera cut off for the final time and a small outro played.

FINAL NOTES didn't really re-read it because ik i'd dislike it but here is the first episode, i'm so sorry for how long it took to get this out. er just wanna say again i'm not a good writer but i hope to grow as this series continues. feel free to leave thoughts in my inbox here or just anything <3 tysm for reading!

[malacandrax]

Hi! I really look up to your art a lot and I had a question for you! How do you do studies when you find art hard to do? (Ex. Low motivation, lack of ideas, or simply art feeling like a chore, even when you want to do it.) You have such a good handle on body structure and your posing shows so much personality though it, but I'm sure there are times when art feels idle or empty. Do you have a process for working through that? To keep studying?

Thank you, thats so sweet! <3

Honestly I kind of do studies the most when I AM feeling uninspired or lost, they make me feel like I've made something good and ‘worthwhile’ even if I couldn't think of something else to draw or didn't feel like working harder on drawings from my head.

Maybe that's also a part of it- to me studies are easier than drawing from imagination and I find them kind of chill and rewarding. I imagine when I started out studies were probably a lot more frustrating!

I also have spoken with a friend about this and I'm maybe quite lucky in that visual information sticks in my head quite well, almost every time I do studies I find it immediately helpful. Like the other day I drew a behind the head angle, and then found it useful right after, drawing Astarion.

It doesn't last forever though, my memory fades and I have to refresh it again with studies until it eventually becomes more concrete.

I also don't really force it, I do art for my job during work hours and I usually (lately) feel like drawing after work or on weekends, but if I don't feel like it I try and do some other hobby or watch stuff. Sorry though, I know this isn't exactly answering the question!

I guess sometimes I want to want to draw, so I start and see how I feel after ten minutes, if I want to keep going or not, that's maybe the best advice for doing anything when you're feeling meh. It also helps to identify What you want to work on, i have a list in my head of stuff I feel weakest at and I find having it broken down like that helps it feel less like a mountain. Like … things I've picked out lately are :what legs look like sitting in chairs, and heads tilting at different angles. To be honest another thing I've been trying to work on is getting more personality into my poses, it's funny that you compliment just that when I feel it's something I want to work on! I suppose it's a never ending journey haha. I've been reading 'drawn to life' and trying to take the ideas of not just copying reality, but getting more of the essence of it than the technicals!

Saying that sometimes the low stakes 'draw photos that come up on ur dashboard' is fun, in contrast to a focused approach! Or my fav is pausing on movies and drawing that! It takes the worry out, like cool no scrolling for an hour looking for something that will be Perfect Learning Material, just draw something.

Anyway this is very long and I hope it helps ;;;

[disasterbuck]

tagged by @rainbow-nerdss 💕 (you tagged my other blog but I'm answering it over here)

rules: share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able and see if there are any patterns!

5 times Buck didn't break

When Bobby didn't text him back that morning, Buck didn't think much of it. 

end on a song

Slamming the front door, Buck stalked over to stand in front of where Eddie was seated on the couch.

what happens if I do this?

Lounging beside Eddie on the couch, Buck scrolled absent-mindedly through his phone, skimming news articles and click-bait for something to interest him.

I can see it in your eyes

Buck put his hands up, letting the music carry him.

Eddie, you have food on your face

Sinking down onto the couch beside Eddie, Buck reached for a plate and began piling food onto it.

Buck, you have food on your face

Wiping his hands on his napkin, Eddie turned to look at Buck and see how close he was to finishing his burrito.

it looks better on you

Light from the setting sun slanted across the dashboard as he drove.

James

Buck sighed, leaning back on his couch and trying to focus on the show he'd put on.

knee deep in sinking sand

"Buck? You good?"

sidewalk rule

Buck was chatting away, his hands waving this way and that, and Eddie had a smile on his face as he walked beside him.

Did you eat today?

At the sound of a door opening and closing, Eddie stretched and rubbed at his eyes.

if you love someone

Buck slowed down, his foot on the brake, as they joined the long line of traffic all trying to get home.

boysenberry

Buck licked the edge of his ice cream cone as it began dripping, but he missed a bit.

spitting sand at the beach

Buck had sand in his hair.

lost the reflex to resist (I could get used to this)

Eddie woke to the gentle press of lips against his forehead and slowly blinked his eyes open, looking up to see Buck leaning over him with a smile.

Friends Don't

Tongue out and one foot propped up on the locker room bench, Buck struggled to get the zipper on his duffel bag past the bulging contents.

Waking Up Slow

Waking up slowly, Buck felt Eddie pressed against him and let out a happy sigh, turning to snuggle closer.

-

I'd say the pattern is that I like to just jump right in to what's going on? idk, what do you think?

Tagging:

@dluoser @taketheplanspinitsideways @loudenthusiastic @wallywise @mxrcjqckspnchqsc

@i-am-married-to-my-fandom @therosesaredying @stillfuckingtired @classtrialguru @speggle

@awesome-igi @natnuszsstuff @olliesrants @crazyfangirlallert @delirium1995

@brah3280 @meanceclosetohell @anythingeverythingallofthetime @izzysbeans @sunflower-eddiediaz

@darkrose6578 @veronae-buddie @steadfastsaturnsrings @loveyouanyway @inell

@spicyrottingbrains @gnoeltop @idealuk @donationwayne @lemotmo

@smilingbuckley @realpersonwithrealfeelings @superlock-in-the-tardis @mjthe14thdoctor @strxwbereee

@idontknowwhatimdoing777 @ashleigh2658 @mari-lwyd-fannibal-blog @mineyneedsmoney @faithhopeandmisery

@spotsandsocks @unlifeira @tofanasmuse @pirrusstuff @buddiedaydreamer911

@littlevampireprincessuniverse @misshiss727 @i-put-the-star-in-bastard @hermioneindisguise @dangerpronebuddie

@daffi-990

Let me know if you'd like to be added or removed 💕

[study-cat-pink]

gamify your life 🎮🕹️🌟

"5 minutes later..." you continue scrolling

STOP NOW. 🫵 This post is going to teach you how to (make sure you 🫶) reach peak motivation and get back on track !!

resources are hyperlinked!!

Firstly, why should I start gamifying my life?

A: It instantly motivates you and encourages long-term motivation to it's game elements (eg: levelling-up) , making reaching goals and doing work so much easier!!

1)Track your progress ✍️

A popular website/app for gamifying your life is HABITICA!

HABITICA a highly customisable habit/to-dos/goal tracker website/app for students and working adults. I use this website for the daily grind, and I can testify that ITS WORKING, I'M ON THE GRIND 💪.

Completing your habits/to-dos/goals gives you coins, which you can spend on rewards (eg: eating ice-cream) and cool armour! You can even join a clan to fight monsters with your friends using your completed tasks.

HABITICA keeps you engaged with a point system, competition with other clans, incorporating game elements, and rewards.

2) Keep consistent 📈🔺

Many seem to reach a plateau in their productiveness or simply lose inerest in their goals and habits.

It's important to keep consistent so habits stick, and we can reach our goal.

[ 💫The consistancy formula 💫]

Identify your motivator

Ask yourself these three questions everyday

What is my motivator?

What will I gain from this?

What will I lose from this?

You can even write this down on your HABITICA as a daily or any other notebook/ website of your choice!!

3. Visualise the outcome of when you have completed your habit/goal/to-do

Running these scenarios adds an extra boost to your gamifying experience, driving you to work towards the outcome of the goal and further away from quitting.

3) Reflect, revise and reward

It's important to take a look at your ticked to-do list at the end of the day and your HABITCA dashboard to see how much you have accomplished.

The visual tracking of progress motivates greatly, and even seeing the rewards you gave yourself can spur you on.

Then, you can decide how much rewards you can have, how much EXP you gained, and how much you can level up. Maybe you even gain a new title ;)

In addition, it's important to reflect on the mistakes you made, for example, it may be overscheduling tasks or rushing through an essay, and deduct EXP and points. (ouch!!)

Improve your gami-life step by step, level by level, and life inexplicably becomes just like a video game.

-cybersugar!! 💗

If this post helped you, do consider leaving a like and reblog :D, and follow me if you're interested in more posts like these!!

As always, feel free to ask any questions, requests, or drop me a tell!! I'd really appreciate some feedback on what you like and don't like, and if you think my tips are applicable. ;)

i'll totallly try my best to answer EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM 👹 (laughs in burnt-out student)

F in the chat pls

[copias-girl]

Hey. I saw you deleted all the excitement/nonsense from the other day, wanted to check in on you. I realized that while I've been on this hellsite for 12 years and seen and experienced a great deal of my own anon drama, I forget how overwhelming & terrible it feels when it first happens to you.

I failed to notice that, in addition to being very new to this site, you're also only 18 (please note that this is not meant to sound condescending - tone is impossible to convey via text). I was a couple years older than that when I joined here, and I carried just as much excitement and energy into everything I posted and reblogged and quickly gained a reputation for myself. From what I've observed from your blog though, mine was decidedly...less fun & positive, so I got a LOT of anonymous messages telling me what they thought of me. I would spend a lot of time thinking about those anons and the terrible things they said to me, constructive or not, objective or not. It didn't matter how many support messages I got from friends or mutuals, or how much we mocked the anons or made light of the situation - I was angry, embarrassed, felt like nothing I did would fix it, and sometimes didn't want to log onto this site anymore, despite it being the only outlet I had to express myself in this way.

It is normal to focus on the small negative in spite of the overwhelming positive - healthy? No. But normal.

My point is: Please do not let this nonsense deter you from being you. Not everyone is going to like you, and that is totally fine. Not everyone is going to like how you post/reblog on your blog. Speaking solely for myself, I generally keep a more contained dashboard I can scroll through quickly at work, so I don't follow your blog, but I don't translate my personal feelings on how you blog into my personal opinion of you as an individual. Everyone blogs differently on this site, which is what keeps it interesting. I'm also not so chronically online to go out of my way to send you a 5-paragraph essay about consent or being hypersexual in a fandom for a gay Satanic band. Instead I'll send you a 8-paragraph essay trying to comfort you and to tell you not to despair, lmao.

I LOVE your enthusiasm about how you express yourself in your posts & reblogs, and it seems there's a shit ton of blogs around you that feel the same way & express themselves the exact same way. Don't lose that spark! Don't let them rain on your parade! [Insert another cliche phrase here]!

Take time if you need a break, but please understand you did nothing wrong. Everything said to you was someone's opinion they wanted to force on you to control how you behave because they themselves are terrified of the world around them and don't understand they cannot control others. Hopefully one day they'll realize how sheltered and, quite frankly, stupid they are. I did.

My advice: if you ever reopen anons and start getting those messages again, delete them and don't engage. Most of the time they're just looking for attention, to rile you up. Classic bullying tactics.

Or print out their messages and use them as firewood. Or toilet paper. Whatever works.

Lastly, you don't have to acknowledge this or publish this message if you don't want to. Genuinely, I just wanted to reach out and make sure you're okay and to attempt to longwindedly impart some advice from my own experiences over the decade.

You do you, dude. Fuck the haters.

Thank you so so much for this incredibly kind and comforting message ♥︎ I really appreciate it more than you could imagine, it even made me cry reading it. I feel like this message is a good closer for this situation, so I’m also going to use it as an opportunity to give a little PSA about how my blog will be operating from now on.

First of all, just thank you again. I’m honestly astonished because every single thing you mentioned is exactly how I feel. The hurt of it all despite getting so much support, the empty feeling of not wanting to go on tumblr anymore despite it being my only outlet. Tumblr was supposed to be my safe space, my escape, my home, and it really sucks because it honestly doesn’t feel like that anymore.

I think the thing that hurts the most is that literally no one reached out to me as a friend in the dms to tell me that I was bothering them. I’m not a mind reader, so if no one says anything then I assume I’m not bothering them. But I do pride myself on always being approachable, I’m ALWAYS open to people messaging me with their concerns.

It’s different when it’s some faceless anon who comes off as slightly passive aggressive. If someone would have just DMed me, I definitely would have put more thought into it and taken their suggestion. Since I haven’t been on tumblr long, I didn’t even know the difference between reblogging with a comment or reblogging with tags until literally just now during this whole situation.

I just feel like I’ve been serving spaghetti every night for dinner. 9 people say they absolutely LOVE it, but then I come to suddenly find out the 10th person doesn’t. But they never said anything all this time, so how was I supposed to know?

I’ve had two people block me who I thought were my friends. One who, during this situation, even said she’d always be there for me. Basically, she informed me that our mutual friend had been upset about my comments and apparently never said anything before this, so I reached out to that friend and apologized. She apparently got triggered by my apology, and they both blocked me. That hurt. A lot. And if I’m being honest I’ve been fighting so hard not to self harm during this time.

I feel like I’ve been treated like a malicious criminal over this, when in reality everyone should know damn well I’ve never done ANYTHING to deliberately make people feel bad.

And don’t worry, I definitely did not take the comment about my age to be condescending. In fact, I wish more people would have taken it into account. And the fact that I’ve only been on tumblr for 6 months, so I don’t really know much about it.

I have a life outside tumblr. I’m a student, and I’ve had to be a full-time caretaker to sick relatives who have now unfortunately passed away. I’m grieving. My father abandoned me and my mother, so I’ve had to take over doing all the things that he used to do.

I come on tumblr, I scream about everyone’s favourite satanic antipopes, I post some fics, and then I close the app and go about my life. I don’t research the history of tumblr and what’s deemed acceptable by certain groups of people. I’m a human. I’m a real teenage girl, with feelings. I’m able to be hurt, and triggered, and everything else. I know I’ve created a personality for myself on here, and I think people often forget that I’m a real girl.

I wish I could say I’m okay, but right now that spark definitely feels dampened into a sad little ember. Since this has happened, I’ve almost stopped eating entirely, and when I do eat, I immediately throw it right back up. My Mom took me out to eat and I threw up in public. This has honestly had my stomach in knots.

Today was the first day I actually didn’t feel nauseous. So hopefully time will heal this wound. I wouldn’t wish this on ANYONE, but I’m glad to see you got through it and made it out ok. I’m hoping for the same outcome for myself too.

Now for the PSA portion of this message (everyone please read):

Will I stop being unhinged? Hell no. But I will be moving any horny comments into the tags, as suggested by the people who had complaints. The absolute last thing I want to do is alienate people and make people uncomfortable. (I still have questions about reblogging with comments tho, for example, if I say something not horny should I still put that in the tags or is it ok to comment that?)

Secondly, my best friend suggested that I should just start taking my unhinged comments and making them into posts of their own, so I’ll probably do that too. I think I might tag them with some cheesy tag, probably a pun on nsfw (not sugar for work?) so that if you’d like to blacklist that tag, you can, and then your dash will be safe for scrolling at work or wherever. And you can just click ‘view post’ if you want to view it.

So, rest assured, the horny party will never stop! But since I’ll be putting my stuff in the tags, you probably won’t see it circulating as much as reblogged comments, so if you want to see me being unhinged, just come to my page and scroll through!

Also, I’ve gotten so many other supportive messages and I want to thank everyone for sending them in. I won’t be answering them, because I don’t want a lot of stuff about this situation on my blog. And this is going to be the last time I talk about this situation on my blog. But the supportive messages really do mean a lot to me, so thank you all ♥︎

I feel malaise, so I might still be absent for a little while, but I’ll try to get back in the saddle as soon as I can. I haven’t been in the best mindset to write, but I’m really going to try because posting fics and running this account genuinely make me happy.

Thank you for taking the time to read, and I hope to see you all again very soon

Love always,

Sugar <3

[dnihallofshame]

Submission to the DNI Hall of Shame:

This is way too complicated. First they link a massive list of things, then give exceptions to that massive list. Idk how anyone supposed to keep track of this, or be confident they're not on the list without reading it a bunch of times. Who tf has the time for that? I'm anxious wondering if I missed a bullet No really. Imagine scrolling through this and reading all of this on a phone. Imagine. Because you need to do that, just to like a post from this person or send them an ask How has this been normalized!? Who's gonna go that far out of their way just to perform basic interaction functions for a blog!? Most people just clickity click on shiny things from their dashboard. The fact being 'anti harassment' is included too, in a list that claims to be common sense, shows I can't trust ANYTHING else here. In what world is being against harassment bad. Most people aren't even going to have a stance on half the other things. If you're not a lesbian or adjacent to lesbian circles you're not gonna know why bi lesbians may or may not be a 'bad' thing. 'Anti self diagnosis' might sound bad to someone who is clueless about what online self-diagnosis spaces look like, but it makes a lot of sense once you do a bit of digging and realize those people are harming themselves more than helping, there's a big difference between 'i suspect i might have this' and people running around saying 'i have eds, did, osdd, mad, social anxiety, gad, autism, asperger's, mcas, and also rabies'. Etc Then there's how shipping certain things is lumped into 'pro ship' when that couldn't be further from the truth. Pro ship is just being in favor of 'ship and let ship', letting people ship whatever fictional ships they want to ship (pro means in favor of, not problematic). There's no requirement for what I personally like to ship for me to be pro ship, just that I don't vilify and harass people or try to burn books I felt a bit bad for them because they seemed really naive about how effective dnis actually are, and clueless about how they come across by having one, but this is fuckin insane. If they're this anal about who is clicking buttons on their content, or lurking on their content, or sending them messages, and can't just block people as they come, they shouldn't be on the public internet. Just go live in a plastic bubble.

[roszabell]

how do you choose what art you reblog and like? I want to tag my art more effectively so it gets seen but no matter what I do it doesn't really work

do you like scroll through the tags or only look at what your mutuals reblog

hmm...ill try to give an answer on how i use tumblr but really every person is different!

for tags, make sure youre looking at the popular tags/system of the fandom/space you're in. for example, i tag things mostly as "hws [character]" because people dont really use "aph" anymore--but if i want my work to be seen more, ill tag it as both, because there still are people who use and view the "aph [character]" tag and then ill reach all audiences.

while tagging systems are important, i think the biggest thing is viewing tumblr not as a content-consumer website, but as a place to make friends and share work. SO, my biggest reccommendation is just to reach out to people! it can be scary, but find ppl who have similar likes/ideas/interests as you and make a connection! not in a "i like your stuff so now please share my art too" way, but being genuine friends with people and wanting to engage in the fan space!

if you're not looking for that kind of answer, ill answer your question more directly; I personally reblog and like things from the people i follow and are mutuals with that are on my dash (which is how i think most people use the site instead of tag searching.) but ill be honest, im rarely scrolling the tumblr dashboard (i do my doomscrolling on tiktok instead lmao). most of the things i interact with are things that my friends here create or share with me (hence making friends who have your same interests!) i do look at tags occasionally, but only when I'm looking for something specific or i'm really in the mood to see a certain character/type of art and want to filter the dash.

lastly, and please forgive me if this sounds preachy i really dont mean it that way, you seem like a young/beginner artist (not a bad thing! im proud of you for posting and wanting to be seen!) or maybe your interests aren't common/are rare. the hard truth is not everyone is going to connect with your art, and thats okay! genuinely i promise that the numbers dont matter, just seek out genuine connections and HAVE FUN and you'll be just fine!

[sufficientlylargen]

Merry Crit Miss

'Tis the night before Crit Miss, and all through your house, not a sound can be heard save the click of your mouse. You scroll through your dashboard with nary a care; you've no clue that Saint Nicholas soon will be there.

You reblog your 500th Goncharov post, and continue to scroll, completely engrossed. When, from up above, there arises such clatter that you leap from your bed to see what is the matter!

In your haste, you forget you were browsing your dash - your laptop is hurled 'cross the room in a flash! It lands on its corner; you're sure it's just broke - with a crunch and a flash the machine belches smoke.

The cloud makes you dizzy, your vision gets blurry, and you lurch through the door to escape in a hurry. You misjudge the door frame, trip, stub many toes, and fall face-first forwards to land on your nose.

The main room is dark but stars flash in your vision and you feel blood drip from the site of collision. Dazed and confused you sprawl out on the ground, when you suddenly hear an odd rapping sound.

It sounds like… A horse? Or some other hoof? It's prancing and pawing up there on your roof? Oh right! You remember that something had clattered! That's why you'd jumped up, why your laptop was shattered!

And now there's a scraping noise from near the flue - Is this some weird break-in? What should you do? You grope for a lightswitch and just as it's hit, a kindly voice booms "HO, HO, OH HOLY SHIT!"

In a twinkling you realize your awful mistake as the room fills with screams and the air starts to bake. The switch which you thought ought to turn on the light was instead that which makes the gas fireplace ignite!

And now you can see, by the light of the fire, the shape of a man wrapped in flames like a pyre! He's trying to open the grate to get out, but it's stuck - rusted shut through neglect, you've no doubt.

You take up a poker and rush to the grate, Prying and trying with all of your weight to force it apart! SNAP! It breaks from the wall! And you and the flaming man to the floor fall!

The grating is hot, and it burns at your skin as you work your way out of the heap that you're in. One last shove and you're free! You stand up, and look down at the stranger who's lying, too still, on the ground.

He's dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, though a lot of it's now turned to ashes and soot. The stump of a pipe still protrudes from his teeth, While ashes encircle his head like a wreath;

The beard of his chin, once as white as the snow, is stained red with blood in the embers' dull glow, And his blankness of eye, and the twist of his head, Soon give you to know that this dude's super-dead.

With horror you notice, right in this man's chest A long metal rod is quite firmly impressed. The poker you'd grabbed when the grating was stuck! It went right through his sternum! Oh shit, you think, fuck!

In shock you lurch back, but your foot hits a snag - It's caught on the edge of late Santa's toy bag. You trip and expect to land flat on your back…

But instead you plunge into the toy-toting sack…

And that, I'm afraid, is the end of this tale, For my observational powers here fail. The toy-bag of Santa's a curious place Where infinite gifts drift in transfinite space

But without good Saint Nick there to tend to the mess What happens within it I only can guess. Perhaps you keep falling. Perhaps ground you hit. Perhaps you awaken some Thing in the pit.

The things that I do know: your house does burn down, And in its remains just one body is found. It's chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, (now stabbed and flambéed by your since-vanished self).

A lot of deer droppings are seen the next day, But nobody sees a reindeer, or a sleigh. And so this poem closes, we've come to the end. Merry Crit Miss to all!

You are not seen again.

[maistudiesstuff]

Studyblr re-intro!

Hiya! I'm Mai (she/her) - I created my studyblr years ago to hold myself accountable for being productive and not slacking off with my studying. But I've not touched this account in years now so that's about how well that's gone.

I'm twenty one years old from the UK, and I'm in my second year of an English Literature degree. I can't lie, part of the reason I evaporated off your dashboard is because uni's been really hard. There are more tears, procrastination, breakdowns over the uncertainty of the future, hours scrolled through tiktok, stress meals eaten, and feelings of complete and utter displacement than I think people on studyblr let on. Going forward, I think I'm going to try to be more authentic (cringe sorry) and maybe that'll make me want to post more and in turn (we can only hope) be more productive.

I've also been trying to learn French since Lockdown, but am very much still a beginner (can just about order a meal), so if any langblr people wanna be friends I'm down to follow each other on Duolingo :) I say this but I've not been on Duolingo since the summer.

Quick-fire things about me!

I follow back from maiwritesstuff (boring formality but just fyi)

I love reading! Just not the stuff for my course - my favs are anything by Nabokov, Still Life by Sarah Winman, Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier, A Little Life by Hanya Yanighara, and probably a lot more than what springs to mind

One of my greatest passions in life is writing, hence why you should also follow maiwritesstuff. Not that I ever post on there either, but you can follow and then eagerly await my comeback

(I love parentheses)

I went to see Barbie 7 times in cinema and it was the greatest summer of my life

There is not a meal on earth that cannot be infinietly improved by a side of coleslaw

I'm a pisces!!

Another of my great passions in life is music! I listen to loads and loads of stuff and could ramble endlessly about most genres

I could ramble endlessly about most topics tbh

My favourite pokemon is Vaporeon

One of my New Years resolutions is to try and enjoy things without thinking too deeply about them ideologically (i am still very bad at this)

I love cooking!!! And baking!!! And one of the greatest freedoms of uni is getting to cook what I want when I want without having to battle with my younger brother for use of the kitchen. I also live RIGHT next to big tesco which is where most of my money goes :(

I'm currently procrastinating finishing an essay that's due tomorrow hahahahahaha

I'm boring and have nothing else to say :(

[no-psi-nan]

Saiki K Roleplayer List!

SFW Edition

If you're interested in roleplaying characters from The Disastrous Life of Saiki K with other people, reply to this post with the following info:

Characters you like to play

Characters you'd like the other person to play

Overall genre of roleplay you're looking for (ex. Slice of life, romance, drama, angst, AU, etc.)

That's it!! No fancy intros or artsy ASCII needed, though you can always reply from a rp-dedicated sideblog if you have one.

You can reblog this post with the same information in case one of your followers may be interested in roleplaying with you!

To find a rper, look through the replies on this post. It may be easier to do on the browser since you can Ctrl+F your favorite characters' names. Once you've found someone, send them an ask or a DM, hash out the details and get to roleplaying! Have fun!!

Frequently Asked Questions

What if I'm scared to put myself out there?

Do it scared! We're all just Saiki nerds on the Internet. Worst thing that can happen is nothing, average thing that can happen is a few weeks of roleplaying fun, best thing that can happen is finding a new best friend for life. Just give it a try!

What about all the other roleplay details like the length of replies, platforms, specific headcanons, etc?

Negotiate those after getting in touch. Replies have a character limit and I'm doing it this way on purpose so you don't have to scroll past 5 paragraphs per person lol.

I found someone I'd be interested in roleplaying with but their ask box and DMs are closed.

Trying to reply to their reply on this post, or @ them in another post.

I'm not interested in roleplaying any more, how can I get off this list?

Find your reply in the notes and delete it. On the web, from post notes on the dashboard, click the three dots that appear when you hover over a reply or reblog caption to bring up these options. From the app, just tap (iOS) or tap and hold (Android) a reply or reblog caption to get the menu.

If you've reblogged the post, then find your reblogs and delete them. That's it!

There's nobody I'm interested in roleplaying with on the list.

Did you put yourself on the list first? 🧐

If so, you can always check back on this post later. I plan to reblog it every once in a while to hopefully get more signups and give everyone another chance to connect.

Is there a NSFW version of this post?

Yes, it has a community label to restrict access to those who are 18+. Check it out here!