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Don't know what I ate today but my nightmares be WILD tonight. I can hardly explain any of this but I am still scared of heights and falling apparently, and also hot things.
#I feel barely awake as it is#thought it'd be later in the nigjt but its only loke 12#everything is a weird mix of a nightmare and a comedy and somehow that makds perfect sense to me#but its all the more terrifying as the object upon which all the comedy is centred in the nightmare#no it's not a fesr of embarrassment its the fact tnat every inconvenient thing that could go wrong DOES go wrong#and uni students are as baffled as k sm tha I jjst fell nearly two stories#and then I wad chased by fucking THEARE kids in the middle of a cats performance#and tje children are lauginh at me arriving late to some thing because I am injured and missing joints appatently from the fall#like man#this isnt even the first fall or chase ip a strangely narrow ladder/staircase of the night#I'm having A Day#also taylor swift can fuck off why is that woman present in my nightmares#and also never let a law professor own a machine gun jet pack thing because wtf are those#and I am so glad work health and safety exists in waking life because oh boy#they would be my knights in shining armour in my dream rn
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Oh hey, I wrote a fanfic.
Pairing: Leon x Luis (Leon is FTM trans)
Rating: 18+!!! There is SEX, DO NOT TOUCH THIS WITH A TEN FOOT POLE IF YOU ARE NOT 18!!
Themes: Light oral sex, PiV sex, breeding, slight size difference, and implied bromance. I suck at labeling, there’s comedy and a bit of fourth wall breaking.
Terms used to refer to anatomy are based on pornography: Cock, Pussy. If that’s not your thing, I suggest moving along.
A Bit of Bromance on the Road
Continuing his rescue mission in Spain, Leon S. Kennedy stumbled upon a strange man named Luis Serra. Luis was a bit of a cocky asshole, and Leon didn’t trust him at first. However, he is much further along in his journey and has taken a liking to Luis’ softer and more likeable side. Leon reunited with Luis in a mine-shaft below the castle. However, he was becoming too tired to walk.
“Oi Leon, you okay?”, Luis said with concern.
“I’m fine, just gotta hurry up and find Ashley.” Leon replied, eyes fixated on the way ahead. He began to stumble, but was caught by Luis before he fell to his knees. Luis’ hands landed on his firm chest and abdomen, which caused something he’d been keeping down to stir in him. He looked up back at Luis.
“Thank you.” he said with hoarseness in his voice.
“You need to rest, man.” Luis said.
“No, no time for rest.” Leon croaked out.
“Senor, your body clearly isn’t taking your ‘no’.” Luis replied. He helped Leon over to the glowing purple flame nearby. This was always a beacon of hope, a strange man in a trench coat was always there to sell wares, buy Leon’s junk, and fix his weapons. As well, he ran a shooting range that seemed to be some pocket dimension he could just carry with him. Just go with it, trust me bro.
“Got some good things on sale, str- oh my.” The merchant said. Luis nodded at the man as he walked Leon over to the door of the shooting range. There were comfy chairs and food in there, as well as the fact that it was a more comfortable environment. He let Leon down in the elevator with a big huff.
“Oye, *huff* you are one *huff* big Yanqui.” Luis said, catching his breath. He pushed the button and the elevator went down. Leon’s eyes were already getting tired, barely staying open. Luis knew that his state wasn’t a result of the plaga, rather, it was genuine exhaustion from all he had been through. Leon had spent days awake on this campaign, only for his objective to constantly slip out of his grasp. Poor Ashley had been carted around like terrified cattle while he’d moved mountains to try and save her. Once again, she was out of his sight, and that terrified him to no end, however, his body was giving into its natural need for sleep.
Using all the bro power he could muster, Luis hauled Leon’s deadweight into the room and clumsily laid him out like a marionette on one of the loveseats. Leon was fast asleep at this point, drooling and completely limp. Luis sat down in the opposite chair, recovering from his herculean effort. He sat there for a moment and just watched Leon sleep, his silky blonde hair slightly concealing his visage, his normally tight, burly body melting into the surface that held him, and his chest rising and falling rhythmically. Not even a gunshot would wake that man up at this point, but Luis couldn’t help but feel the vulnerability coming off of him. He looked so tender and holdable in that state, which caused Luis to think about his feelings.
After a seemingly indefinite amount of time, sitting in the carnivalesque room which could have been detached from their known plane of existence, Luis stood up and approached Leon. He crouched beside the sleeping man and pushed his hair to the side, gently, so as to not wake him. He now had a full view of Leon’s beautifully sculpted face, complete with perfect cheekbones, cute little moles, deep-set eyes, and a forward pointing nose. Luis had a twinge of guilt in him, but his curiosity was beginning to get the better of him. His fingers moved to touch the soft, plush skin of Leon’s face; it nearly felt like touching velvet. He felt his heart beginning to pick up in pace as well as his breathing get heavier, but the most noticeable thing was that his pants were beginning to feel a bit tight. Not good.
Leon’s eyes began to open, and eventually focused to see Luis sitting in the chair in front of him with his legs crossed.
“Good morning, sleeping beauty.” Luis said with a smirk. Leon sat up and rubbed his eyes.
“Wha-how long was I out for?” Leon said in a groggy daze. Luis just shrugged his shoulder, but refused to make eye-contact with Leon. “What?”
“Uhh, nothing? You need a few more moments?” Luis said, a bit of shake in his voice. Leon raised his eyebrows, but began to stand. “W-wait! Don’t you want to shoot a few pirates before we head out?”
“I am on a mission here; I can’t just stop and play games.” Leon said. “Why aren’t you moving?”
Luis knew he was losing this battle, so he uncrossed his legs, made a disappointed face, and gestured to his bulging pants. “There, happy?”
“You seriously don’t want to get moving because you have a boner?” Leon said, staring back motherfuckerly. He couldn’t take his eyes off of it, not only because Luis was pointing to it, but because he could see it had some size to it. Leon averted his eyes, but his face began to flush a bit.
“Leon?” Luis said. Leon shook his head and turned around, ready to walk into the elevator, but halfway through his walk, he stopped, turned back, and approached Luis, who was also ready to get up. He put his hand on his chest and came closer.
“Fine. We’ll take a break.” Leon said, not looking into Luis’ eyes. “Can I?” he didn’t finish the sentence.
Luis paused for a moment. “Yes.”
Leon then undid the belt and zipper on Luis’ jeans, sliding them down. There was only one more barrier separating him from seeing Luis’s big cock. Precum had already started soaking the fabric at the highest tip. Leon’s breathing began to pick up, his hot breath grazing Luis’ covered member. He then pulled them down to reveal it, and boy was it big. Luis himself was only about half Leon’s size when it came to muscularity, but he was packing some serious heat, and not just in his holster. With desire and nervousness, Leon’s tongue contacted the caramel-coloured shaft. Luis felt an instant jolt of pleasure wave through his body, swelling him up even more.
“Oye, that’s good…” Luis said.
Leon didn’t respond, he simply kept licking up and down the shaft, warming up to the act. He wanted this so badly, but couldn’t have it for obvious reasons. He felt arousal stirring up in himself; he felt his nipples grow hard underneath his spandex shirt, and his blood rushed to all the vital areas in his body. He felt a tingling sensation in his pussy, which is the first indicator that he was getting wet and ready for sex.
He stopped for a moment and started taking off his harnesses and holsters. He pulled off his shirt, pants, and underpants, revealing his large, sculpted body adorned with a swollen, fleshy mound between his legs. Leon was quivering he was so aroused.
“I want you inside me. I want you to fuck me with all you’ve got.” Leon said with seriousness.
“But Leon, I don’t have a condom.” Luis replied with worry.
“Just do it. Breed me.” Leon said.
With that, Luis stood up and took his pants off completely. His hard cock was now pointing directly at Leon as he laid back and spread his legs. Luis mounted on top of him and pushed the tip of his cock at Leon’s entrance. Leon let out a small gasp, he was so ready. Luis then pushed inside, sending waves of pleasure shooting up Leon’s spine, causing him to bite his lip.
Luis picked up the pace, fucking him in mating-press position, his wet cock being gripped as it pumped in and out of Leon’s wet, swollen pussy, his balls bouncing up and down. Leon was being absolutely shaken by this, deep, penetrating pulses of pleasure rising and rising as he bottomed out.
“Dios mio, I’m cumming!” Luis exclaimed. Leon then wrapped his strong legs around Luis’ waist and squeezed him with the grip of an anaconda, forcing him to penetrate as deep as possible.
“Nnnhhh, ahhh!!” Leon exclaimed as he came. His entire body quivered, pulsated, and spasmed. Luis’ cock throbbed inside of him as cum began to leak out between the cracks of the contact they’ve made. Luis pulled out, allowing more thick, white cum to pour out of Leon. The men panted as they rode out their orgasms, with Luis collapsing on Leon’s big body.
“Ho.ly. shit.” Leon said. Luis just nodded back at him.
“Ehm, I hate to interrupt your bonding experience, but don’t you two have a lady to save?” a familiar, cockney accent chimed in from the intercom.
With semen still spilling out of him, Leon quickly dressed himself again, running for the elevator.
“Hey! Wait for me!” Luis scrambled through the closing doors as he held up his pants and fumbled with his belt.
#resident evil#leon kennedy#re4 luis#luis serra navarro#leon x luis#fanfic#fanfiction#resident evil 4#the merchant I guess#he’s just vibing while these two fuck#trans leon kennedy#leon s kennedy
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Social Distancing Book Recs
I’ve been getting tons of book recommendations from friends and family to help get through social distancing/self-quarantine, so I thought I should share some of my favorite books with everybody!
Horror/Apocalyptic: *all books are ADULT*
- The Stand by Stephen King “This is the way the world ends: with a nanosecond of computer error in a Defense Department laboratory and a million casual contacts that form the links in a chain letter of death. And here is the bleak new world of the day after: a world stripped of its institutions and emptied of 99 percent of its people. A world in which a handful of panicky survivors choose sides -- or are chosen” (Goodreads Summary).
- Inferno by Dan Brown “Harvard professor of symbology Robert Langdon awakens in an Italian hospital, disorientated and with no recollection of the past thirty-six hours, including the origin of the macabre object hidden in his belongings. With a relentless female assassin tailing them through Florence, he and his resourceful doctor, Sienna Brooks, are forced to flee. Embarking on a harrowing journey, they must unravel a series of codes, which are the work of a brilliant scientist whose obsession with the end of the world is matched only by his passion for one of the most influential masterpieces ever written, Dante Alighieri’s The Inferno” (Goodreads Summary).
- World War Z by Max Brooks “The Zombie War came unthinkably close to eradicating humanity. Max Brooks, driven by the urgency of preserving the acid-etched first-hand experiences of the survivors from those apocalyptic years, traveled across the United States of America and throughout the world, form decimated cities that once teemed with upwards of thirty million souls to the most remote and inhospitable areas of the planet. He recorded the testimony of men, women, and sometimes children who came face-to-face with the living, or at least the undead, hell of that dreadful time. World War Z is the result. Never before have we had access to a document that so powerfully conveys the depth of fear and horror, and also the ineradicable spirit of resistance, that gripped human society through the plague years” (Goodreads summary).
- It by Stephen King “It’s a small city, a place as hauntingly familiar as your own hometown. Only in Derry the haunting is real... They were seven teenagers when they first stumbled upon the horror. Now they are grown-up men and women who have gone out into the big world to gain success and happiness. But none of them can withstand the force that has drawn them back to Derry to face the nightmare without an end, and the evil without a name” (Goodreads summary).
- The Shining by Stephen King “Jack Torrance’s new job at the Overlook Hotel is the perfect chance for a fresh start. As the off-season caretaker at the atmospheric old hotel, he’ll have plenty of time to spend reconnecting with his family and working on his writing. But as the harsh winter weather sets in, the idyllic locations feels ever more remote... and more sinister. And the only one to notice the strange and terrible forces gathering around the Overlook is Danny Torrance, a uniquely gifted five-year-old” (Goodreads summary).
- House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski “[House of Leaves] focuses on a young family that moves into a small home on Ash Tree Lane where they discover something is terribly wrong: their house is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. Of course, neither Pulitzer Prize-winning photojournalist Will Navidson nor his companion Karen Green was prepared to face the consequences of the impossibility, until the day their two little children wandered off and their voices eerily began to return another story -- of creature darkness, of an ever-growing abyss behind a closet door, and of the unholy growl which soon enough would tear through their walls and consume all their dreams” (Goodreads summary).
Comedy:
- Good Omens by Neil Gaimen and Terry Pratchett “People have been predicting the end of the world almost from its very beginning, so it’s only natural to be skeptical when a new date is set for Judgement Day. But what if, for once, the predictions are right, and the apocalypse really is due to arrive next Saturday, just after tea? You could spend the time left drowning your sorrows, giving away all your possessions in preparation for the rapture, or laughing it off as (hopefully) just another hoax. Or you could just try to do something about it. It’s a predicament that Aziraphale, a somewhat fussy angel, and Crowley, a fast-living demon now finds themselves in. They’ve been living amongst Earth’s mortals since The Beginning and, truth be told, have grown rather fond of the lifestyle and, in all honesty, are not actually looking forward to the coming Apocalypse. And then there’s the small matter that someone appears to have misplaced the Antichrist... “ (Goodreads summary).
- Dad Is Fat by Jim Gaffigan *PG-13* Dad is Fat is a comedic memoir that details Jim Gaffigan’s life growing up in a large Catholic family to his experiences as a husband and father (specifically parenting his five young children while living in a tiny walk-up apartment in New York). I highly recommend the audiobook (which is narrated by Jim Gaffigan), my family and I always listen to it during road trips. It never stops being funny.
- Bored of the Rings: A Parody of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings by The Harvard Lampoon *ADULT* “A quest, a war, a ring that would be grounds for calling any wedding off, a king without a kingdom, and a little, furry ‘hero’ named Frito, ready -- or maybe just forced by the wizard of Goodgulf-- to undertake the one mission which can save Lower Middle Earth from enslavement by the evil Sorhed… Luscious Elfmaidens, a roller-skating dragon, ugly plants that can soul-kiss the unwary to death-- these are just some of the ingredients in the wildest, wackiest, most irreverent excursion into fantasy realms that anyone has ever dared to undertake” (Goodreads summary).
Middle-Grade:
- Percy Jackson and the Olympians series by Rick Riordan (book 1: The Lightning Thief) “Percy Jackson is a good kid, but he can’t seem to focus on his schoolwork or control his temper. And lately, being away at boarding school is only getting worse - Percy could have sworn his pre-algebra teacher turned into a monster and tried to kill him. When Percy’s mom finds out, she knows it’s time that he knew the truth about where he came from, and that he go to the one place he’ll be safe. She sends Percy to Camp Half Blood, a summer camp for demigods. Soon a mystery unfolds and together with his friends-- one a satyr and the other the demigod daughter of Athena-- Percy sets out on a quest across the United States to reach the gates of the Underworld and prevent a catastrophic war between the gods” (Goodreads summary).
- The Heroes of Olympus series by Rick Riordan (book 1: The Lost Hero) “Jason has a problem. He doesn’t remember anything before waking up in a bus full of kids on a field trip. Apparently he has a girlfriend named Piper, and a best friend named Leo. They’re all students at a boarding school for ‘bad kids.’ What id Jason do to end up here? And where is here, exactly? Piper has a secret. Her father has been missing for three days, ever since she had that terrifying nightmare about his being in trouble. Piper doesn’t understand her dream, or why her boyfriend suddenly doesn’t recognize her. When a freak storm hits during the school trip, unleashing strange creatures and whisking her, Jason, and Leo away to someplace called Camp Half-Blood, she has a feeling she’s going to find out. Leo has a way with tools. When he sees his cabin at Camp Half-Blood, filled with power tools and machine parts, he feels right at home. But there’s weird stuff, too-- like the curse everyone keeps talking about, and some camper who’s gone missing. Weirdest of all, his bunkmates insist that each of them--including Leo-- is related to a god. Does this have anything to do with Jason’s amnesia, or the fact that Leo keeps seeing ghosts?” (Goodreads summary)
- The Children of the Red King series by Jenny Nimmo (book 1: Midnight for Charlie Bone) “Charlie Bone has a special gift-- he can hear people in photographs talking! The fabulous powers of the Red King were passed down through his descendants, after turning up quite unexpectedly, in someone who had no idea where they came from. This is what happened to Charlie Bone, and to some of the children he met behind the grim, gray walls of Bloor’s Academy. His scheming aunts decide to send him to Bloor’s Academy, a school for geniuses where he uses his grifts to discover the truth despite all the dangers that lie ahead” (Goodreads summary).
- Things Not Seen by Andrew Clements “Bobby Phillips is an average fifteen-year-old boy. Until the morning he wakes up and can’t see himself in the mirror. Not blind, not dreaming. Bobby is just plain invisible... There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to Bobby’s new conditions; even his dad the physicist can’t figure it out. For Bobby that means no school, no friends, no life. He’s a missing person” (Goodreads summary).
Science Fiction:
- Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick *Adult* “It was January 2021, and Rick Deckard had a license to kill. Somewhere among the hordes of humans out there, lurked several rogue androids. Deckard’s assignment-- find them and then... ‘retire’ them. Trouble was, the androids all looked exactly like humans, and they didn’t want to be found!” (Goodreads summary).
- Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton * Suitable for Young Adults* “An astonishing technique for recovering and cloning dinosaur DNA has been discovered. Now humankind’s most thrilling fantasies have come true. Creatures extinct for eons roam Jurassic Park with their awesome presence and profound mystery, and all the world can visit them-- for a price. Until something goes wrong...” (Goodreads summary).
Fantasy:
- The Magicians trilogy by Lev Grossman *ADULT* (book 1: The Magicians) “Quentin Coldwater is brilliant but miserable. A senior in high school, he’s still secretly preoccupied with a series of fantasy novels he read as a child, set in a magical land called Fillory. Imagine his surprise when he finds himself unexpectedly admitted to a very secret, very exclusive college of magic in upstate New York, where he receives a thorough and rigorous education in the craft of modern sorcery. He also discovers all the other things people learn in college: friendship, love, sex, booze, and boredom. Something is missing, though. Magic doesn’t bring Quentin the happiness and adventure he dreamed it would. After graduation he and his friends make a stunning discovery: Fillory is real. But the land of Quentin’s fantasies turns out to be much darker and more dangerous than he could have imagined. His childhood dream becomes a nightmare with a shocking truth at its heart” (Goodreads summary).
- The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater *YA* (book 1: The Raven Boys) “What do you know about Welsh kings?” This incredibly atmospheric story centers on a seemingly random group of teens as they uncover the mysterious and magical secrets of their small Virginia town.
- A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab *Suitable for Young Adults* “Kell is one of the last Antari-- magicians with a rare, coveted ability to travel between parallel Londons; Red, Grey, White, and, once upon a time, Black. Kell was raised in Arnes-- Red London-- and officially serves the Maresh Empire as an ambassador, traveling between the frequent bloody regime changes in White London and the court of George III in the dullest of Londons, the one without any magic left to see. Unofficially, Kell is a smuggler, servicing people willing to pay for even the smallest glimpses of a world they’ll never see. After an exchange goes awry, Kell escapes to Grey London and runs into Delilah Bard, a cut-purse with lofty aspirations. She first robs him, then saves him from a deadly enemy, and finally forces Kell to spirit her to another world for a proper adventure. Now perilous magic is afoot, and treacher lurks at every turn. To save all of the worlds, they’ll first need to stay alive” (Goodreads summary).
- The Lord of the Rings trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien *Suitable for middle-grade through adult* “In ancient times the Rings of Power were crafted by the Elven-smiths, and Sauron, the Dark Lord. forged the One Ring, filling it with his own power so that he could rule all others. But the One Ring was taken form him, and though he sought it throughout Middle-earth, it remained lost to him. After many ages it fell by chance into the hands of the hobbit Bilbo Baggins. When Bilbo reached his eleventy-first birthday he disappeared, bequeathing to his young cousin Frodo the Ruling Ring and a perilous quest: to journey across Middle-earth, deep into the shadow of the Dark Lord, and destroy the Ring by casting it into the Cracks of Doom” (Goodreads summary).
- The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss *Adult* “Told in Kvothe’s own voice, this is the tale of the magically gifted young man who grows to be the most notorious wizard his world has ever seen. The intimate narrative of his childhood in a troupe of traveling players, his years spent as a near-feral orphan in a crime-ridden city, his daringly brazen yet successful bit to enter a legendary school of magic, and his life as a fugitive, and his life as a fugitive after the murder of a king form a gripping coming-of-age story” (Goodreads summary).
- The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch *Adult* “An orphan’s life is harsh-- and often short-- in the mysterious island city of Camorr. But youge Locke Lamora dodges death and slavery, becoming a thief under the tutelage of a gifted con artist. As leader of the band of light-fingered brothers known as the Gentleman Bastards, Loke is soon infamous, fooling even the underworld’s most feared ruler. But in the shadows lurks someone still more ambitious and deadly. Faced with a bloody coup that threatens to destroy everyone and everything that holds meaning in his mercenary life, Locke vows to beat the enemy at his own brutal game-- or die trying” (Goodreads summary).
Fiction:
- The Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich *ADULT mystery-thrillers/romance* (book 1: One for the Money) “You’ve lost your job as a department store lingerie buyer, your car’s been repossessed, and most of your furniture and small appliances have been sold off to pay last month’s rent. Now the rent is due again. And you live in New Jersey. What do you do? If you’re Stephanie Plum, you become a bounty hunter. But not just a nickel-and-dime bounty hunter; you go after the big money. That means a cop gone bad. And not just any cop. She goes after Joe Morelli, a disgraced former vice cop who is also the man who took Stephanie’s virginity at age 16 and the wrote details on a bathroom wall. With pride and rent money on the line, Plum plunges headlong into her first case, one that pits her against ruthless adversaries - people who’d rather kill than lose” (Goodreads summary).
- The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown *Adult* “While in Paris, Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is awakened by a phone call in the dead of the night. The elderly curator of the Louvre has been murdered inside the museum, his body covered in baffling symbols. As Langdon and gifted French cryptologist Sophie Neveu sort through the bizarre riddles, they are stunned to discover a trail of clues hidden in the works of Leonardo da Vinci-- clues visible for all to see and yet ingeniously disguised by the painter. Even more startling, the late curator was involved in the Priory of Sion-- a secret society whose members included Sir Isaac Newton, Victory Hugo, and Da Vici-- and he guarded a breathtaking historical secret. Unless Landon and Neveu can decipher the labyrinthine puzzle-- while avoiding the faceless adversary who shadows their every move-- the explosive, ancient truth will be lost forever” (Goodreads summary).
- Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle *Adult* Sherlock Holmes stories are always fun when stuck at home.
- 11/22/63 by Stephen King *Adult* “Life can turn on a dime-- or stumble into the extraordinary, as it does for Jake Epping, a high school English teacher in Lisbon Falls, Maine. While grading essays by his GED students, Jake reads a gruesome, enthralling piece penned by janitor Harry Dunning: fifty years ago, Harry somehow survived his father’s sledgehammer slaughter of his entire family, Jake is blown away... but an even more bizarre secret comes to light when Jake’s friend Al, owner of the local diner, enlists Jake to take over the mission that has become his obsession-- to prevent the Kennedy assassination. How? By stepping through a portal in the diner’s storeroom, and into the ear of Ike and Elvis, or big American cars, sock hops, and cigarette smoke... Finding himself in warmhearted Jodie, Texas, Jake begins a new life. But all turns in the road lead to a troubled loner named Lee Harvey Oswald. The course of history is about to be rewritten... and become heart-stoppingly suspenseful” (Goodreads summary).
Non-Fiction:
- The Men Who Stare at Goats by Jon Ronson *Adult* “In 1979 a secret unit was established by the most gifted minds within the U.S. Army. Defying all known accepted military practice-- and indeed, the laws of physics-- they believed that a soldier could adopt a cloak of invisibility, pass cleanly through walls, and, perhaps most chillingly, kill goats just by staring at them. Entrusted with defending America from all known adversaries, they were the First Earth Battalion. And they really weren’t joking. What’s more, they’re back and fighting the War on Terror. With firsthand access to the leading players in the story, Ronson traces the evolution of these bizarre activities over the past three decades and shows how they are alive today within the U.S. Department of Homeland Security and in postwar Iraq. Why are they blasting Iraqi prisoners of war with the theme tune to Barney the Purple Dinosaur? Why have 100 debleated goats been secretly placed inside the Special Forces Command Center at Fort Bragg, North Carolina? How was the U.S. military associated with the mysterious mass suicide of a strange cult form San Diego? The Men Who Stare at Goats answers these and many more questions” (Goodreads summary).
- Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert *Adult* (I recommend listening to the audiobook, which is narrated by Elizabeth Gilbert) “To recover from [an early midlife crisis, divorce, and depression], Gilbert took a radical step. In order to give herself the time and space to find out who she really was and what she really wanted, she got rid of her belongings, quit her job, and undertook a yearlong journey around the world-- all alone. Eat, Pray, Love is the absorbing chronicle of that year. Her aim was to visit three places where she could examine one aspect of her own nature set against the backdrop of a culture that has traditionally done that one thing very well. In Rome, she studied the art of pleasure, learning to speak Italian and gaining the twenty-three happiest pounds of her life. India was for the art of devotion, and with the help of a native guru and a surprisingly wise cowboy from Texas, she embarked on four uninterrupted months of spiritual exploration. In Bali, she studied the art of balance between worldly enjoyment and divine transcendence. She became the pupil of an elderly medicine man and also fell in love the best way-- unexpectedly” (Goodreads summary).
#booblr#book recs#book recommendations#coronavirus#covidー19#self quarantine#social distancing#quarantine#quarantine and read#bored#college#student#fantasy#stephen king#dan brown#max brooks#maggie stiefvater#the raven boys#the raven cycle#the name of the wind#the magicians#percy jackson#rick riordan
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meet & greet - part 1
2845: EXILE
synopsis: It’s the year 2845. A year where Earth is in shambles and space is the new frontier. You are sent along with other cadets to a distress call about some type of unknown creature. You are new as an engineer on the ship Shiganshina and you have to work for your boss and leader of your group Levi Ackerman. But remember, in space no one can hear you scream.
pairing: levi ackerman x female! reader words: 3,406( 〇□〇) genre: fluff, space au, series, future au, romance, comedy
a/n: this is my first au series. my sis is obssessed w the alien franchise and she showed me alien isolation and it was so good she watched it like all the time and she saw markipliers game through so im excited to show yall my idea, hope yall like it. hope u like some sexy space levi cuz i know i do.
You remembered what your father taught you - how to create with your hands. How in your mind you felt lost and insignificant in this vast existence called space. But he explained to you that you could be so much more. With your help people can depend on you and believe in you and that makes you important. That makes hard work payed off when you are there for someone.
“Hey rookie, make sure to get those screws in. We don’t want this compartment tearing apart.” Hannes, your co-worker, ordered you.
You wiped the grease from your forehead. Sweat was dripping down your face. “How many times do I gotta tell you this, Hannes, just because I’m new to this job doesn’t mean I don’t know how to seal a door.” You banged the object and rolled your eyes and the insensitive words of that man. He thought he owned the business. “Besides, once I get enough cash, I can buy my own ship and head on out of here like a-”
“-person’s hair caught on fire,” Hannes chuckled. “We know this. You tell us every time.”
You pushed yourself up to get yourself a cup of coffee. “It’s true though, I’m gonna do.” You bit your gloves off as you scratched the back of your head. “Somehow.” It was difficult finding jobs for engineers. Every thing was growing and getting more modern as the days went by. Now robots took care of things and did what you could do but 10 times faster, better, and more work. Plus, you had limited knowledge, you needed to be trained more but there was only so much your old man taught you. “I already know how I’m going to decorate it and the speed.” You whistled. “That baby is going to go faster than a meteorite.” There were stars in your eyes. It was all you ever dreamed of, ever since you were a little girl. It was all you wanted to do. Build things and be on your own. Making your own rules and being your own person.
You picked up your wrench and went under the compartment to take a look at its legs.
“Um, Y/N. There’s someone here to see you.” Hannes said.
You rolled out from under to see your best friend who is like your little brother, Eren, with his two pals, Mikasa and Armin. “No way! Hey guys!” You ran to them for a hug. “I haven’t seen you guys in like 2 years!”
Eren smiled wide as he brought you aside. “Yeah, its been a while.”
“Why are you getting so tall squirt?” You ruffled his chocolate brown hair. You and Eren knew each other as little kids. His father was a doctor and was acquainted with your father. From time to time they worked together.
“Must be all that food we eat at the academy!” Armin said with a cheerful spirit.
That’s when you took one look at their attire and saw all of them wearing their space academy suits and that’s when you knew Eren came here to change your mind.
You shook your head as you walked away to look for parts.
“Y/N! Where are you going? Y/N!” Eren called out for you.
“Nice going really subtle.” Mikasa smacked Armin.
“What?” The little sunshine was lost.
Ever since Eren got into the space academy he had been trying to get you enrolled as well. It was his dream and all but not yours. You didn’t want to be stuck in a room with entitled brats that think they know it all when they really didn’t. It wasn’t your calling and you didn’t want to go and nothing, nobody could change your mind.
“Please Y/N, listen up.” Eren helped you pick up the box of parts.
“Why should I? I can’t believe the only reason you would show up and see your friend is to convince her to do something she doesn’t want to do.”
“That’s not true. It’s not like that,” Eren tried to explain.
“So you didn’t come over here to change my mind?”
Eren was silent but then gave in, “Okay, yes. But it’s because we need you!”
“Sure,” you said sarcastically. “Like I’ve never heard that before.”
Mikasa cornered you and slapped her hands on the wall near your face. “Listen to what he has to say.”
“Eren you better come grab your friend before I throw hands on a kid.” You gave a warning look.
You served them coffee as you sat and talked. “What do you need me for?”
“They’ve seen the way you work. They think you’re incredible and one of the best which you are to me and they want you on their team.”
“What makes you think I’m going to say yes?”
“We got in a call, a distress call from one of Warrior’s ships, Marley. One of our own. It’s a real emergency and it sounds like they are in real distress. They’re far away and on our radar it shows the ship is in critical condition. Warrior is sending people out to rescue those from Marley.” Armin reasoned.
“And why do you need me? Can’t Warrior do it themselves? They’ve got the people and they’ve sure got the money.”
They go silent and Mikasa places her hand on Eren’s knee. “The call that we got from one of our own said that something on the ship was dangerous to the crew. We need capable men and women on this job. Warrior has you in their files and they’ve been watching you on how you react to things. They feel you are really fit for this job.”
You shook your head, “no. I gotta get back to reality. I got so much stuff on my mind that I have to do.”
“Wait!” Eren pulled your sleeve. “They’re willing to pay a lot.”
You bit your lip. You couldn’t resist.
As you walked into the classy headquarters you regretted a bit coming here. Deep down you really didn’t know what danger could they have meant.
“Hello sir, here is Y/N L/N. She is very strong and highly capable to complete this mission.” Eren saluted to what seemed to be the boss of Warrior.
“Hello there Y/N. We were expecting you,” the man was tall and had short blonde hair. The bangs were split apart and he wore glasses. He gave his hand for you to shake. “I’m Zeke.”
“Nice to meet you Zeke. This a nice place you got here.”
“Thank you, now without further a do I would like to show you the crew that will be assisting you on this mission.”
“There’s more?” You gulped. You were not that spontaneous at working together with others. You had many ideas and usually that clashed with peoples opinions.
“Yes indeed. You will need the help,” Zeke chuckled. “I’ve seen your work that you do. You’re the one who created that electromagnetic pull to connect and pull together the two trains. I’m very impressed.”
“It’s just, stuff I learned from my pops,” you followed Zeke. Every corner you took amazed you more. Chandelier upon chandelier, buttons leading to new discoveries. You were so curious!
“I’m sure Eren told you about the distress call and the mission in itself?”
“Yeah, he told me a little about it. It sounds real terrifying. I hope the people are okay.”
Zeke smiled, “that’s why we need people like you that care enough to go save them. Now your crew that you’ll be working on is called the special operation squad, created by their captain of their ship, Erwin Smith.” He gave you a pad to look at captain Erwin’s photo. He looked very handsome and charming. His eyebrows thick and a face of seriousness. You glimpsed over his information and handed it back to Zeke.
“Looks tough.”
“Indeed he is, he once landed a plain when it ran out of power. It was just falling down to the surface and he managed to let the legs stick out the right moment that it didn’t even have a scratch.”
“Wow.”
“We have Eld Jinn, Oluo Bozado, Petra Ral, and Gunther Schultz. They graduated at the top of their classes. This will also be their first mission.”
You saw their pictures and couldn’t believe one of them was that age.
“We have Hange Zoe, smarty that one. And second in command, Levi Ackerman. He is amazing under pressure and is very strong. He is one of our best.”
You saw his complexion and he had bags under his eyes. Not what you were expecting, “he looks short.” You popped gum in your mouth.
“He is but very, very, scary. And he is going to teach you and be beside you mostly during the procedure just so you can understand and get a taste.”
“I think I can handle this myself besides why would I want to take orders from someone half my size.” You laughed as walked right into Levi.
He raised his brow, “you were saying.” His voice was deep and gruff and he truly looked like he could kill you.”
“Yes, here is the crew. Special operation squad I want you to meet your newest member Y/N L/N.” Zeke presented them to you.
You waved awkwardly. They all looked like they could eat you alive.
Oluo walked over with his hands in his pockets, “I hope you can keep up you little,” he bit his lip and started choking.
“Karma,” you smirked.
“Don’t listen to that idiot. I’m just glad to have another girl on the team! Yay!” Petra ran and high fived you.
“Hey what about me?” Hange pouted.
“Fine you too.” Petra gave her a high five.
“Sir, if I may have a word. We think we might have found a way to get into the breach. Since the power is down there may be a way we can open the latched door and connect Shigashina to Marley.” Erwin walked Zeke over to the map on the screen.
“Actually that won’t work.” You spoke up.
“Who is she?” Erwin questioned.
“See,” you pulled the blue print of Marley to the crew. “There is only a limited power left on that ship circulating certain items on it and is whats keeping the ship staying up. Light, vents, door, you get the point. If we try to open the gate to connect the two ships all the power left will go to that door. So instead we go over to Marley and get in our suits. Physically walk to Marley and try to open a small vent or door there. It will be safe because we’ll be hooked. I’ve done it many times...Names Y/N L/N.” You shook Erwin’s hand. “And I’m your newest crew member.”
Everyone cooed and awwed at your ability. It was like you said the best comeback. You looked to see Levi not smile but his eyes did the talking. You could tell he was proud of you.
“Excellent work Y/N. I knew you were made for this job. Levi, make sure you teach her more. She is already a great learner.” Zeke said.
Hange pushed you to Levi and you wrapped your arms around his head for support. “I guess you’re my student now. Don’t mess this up.”
You weren’t a fond of this amazing hero Levi.
“Has she heard the call yet?” Erwin asked.
“No i haven’t.”
The call was shaky at first but then a girls voice came on, “Hello Warrior. This is Marley in the midst of completing the Warrior program. Day 34. Every thing was fine at first. But then everything went to Hell.” There was a bang in the background. “I don’t have much time and I don’t know if I’ll be alive but we need assistance here, asap! Something is here, its coming and its killing! We need someone quick! Please!” It cuts off with a roar and then silence.
Your heart is beating fast and you feel faint. You take a seat, “that’s awful.” Were you really ready for this mission? “Why did they go there in the first place?”
“To look for more planets that contain life of course. Isn’t that what its always about.” Zeke explained.
“Our mission crew, is to rescue Marley and bring as many home to safety. We do our best and we make sure we take down whatever that threat may be so it doesn’t come to the population.”
You ship Shiganshina was being loaded with supplies. Gun were being transported and you almost felt your throat go dry. You tried to keep a tough face but you were never in a situation like this.
“You okay?” Levi asked.
He startled you with the suddenness. “Will we be using those?”
Levi saw the fear in your eyes and patted your back, “only if we need to.” He handed you a black space suit. “For you. Put it on, were going to be ready in about 5.”
As you put on the skin tight space suit you began to realize how real this really was. It frightened you and made you want to go back to where it was safe. But you made a promise. Your father taught you to help people and these people needed your help.
Being and engineer you fell in love with Shiganshina. It was an older model ship but it was redone to look modern. It was bigger than any ship you ever seen that it took more than 20 people to pilot this thing. It was so gorgeous to you every aspect of it. “I’m in love.”
“Did you know that this was the first ship of its kind to be made?” Hange Zoe spat out facts. Zeke was right, she was very smart.
“It’s so special,” your fingertips grazed the cool metal of the ship.
Waling into the chilling area you saw the crew playing ping pong and reading. It was announced that the ship took off. You grabbed a coffee and sat next to Eld.
“Man the way you gave it to Erwin!” Oluo joked. “He looked like he pooped himself!” He laughed. Petra came and sat on his lap. “Don’t act like you’re so cool. You always copy Levi.”
Gunther almost died laughing. “She got you there dude.”
“So this is your guys first mission too. Are you scared?”
“Why are you? Then maybe you shouldn’t be on this ship.” Oluo eyed you down.
Petra smacked his head, “stop being a jerk! Y/N is part of us now. I am a little scared but I know I am ready to prove myself to Warrior.”
“At least you had training. I’m just learning as I go.”
“I’ll teach you the best way I can.” Levi suddenly appeared holding his cup of coffee odd. “You just have to be teachable.”
“I am!” You were getting aggravated. You were equal to them and you had to start believing it.
“Psst,” Eld tapped you. “Don’t worry, I’m a little scared too. I’ve got a wife and two kids back at home.” Eld showed you a picture of them in his locket.
You grinned, “they are a beautiful family. I’m sure you’re making them proud. Thanks by the way. I’m glad someone else is scared around here.”
You scooped the rest of your stew out of your cup as the others bursted out laughing while saying stories of their training.
“Remember you fell in the sewer?” Hange chuckled as she picked up the dishes to put away in the sink. “That was pretty gross my man.”
Gunther rolled his eyes, “I got all that crap in my hair for like months. It was not funny and you know it.”
“What about when Eren slipped and did a split when he was talking to that chick?” Levi recalled, sipping his tea in a strange manner.
“He did a split?” You almost choked on a piece of meat. “That behemoth?”
“Ha ha very funny.” Erwin said sarcastically. “I thought she was endgame and that was so humiliating.”
“You still went on a date though.” Oluo said, “I remember she threw that cake on your face.”
You raised your brow and tried to hold in your chuckle. “What? She did that to you? Why?”
“It’s because-” Levi started.
“No let me tell it,” Hange butted in. “Erwin, I don’t think this is gonna work.” She impersonated the lady in a valley girl voice. “Like, you are too much in your job and you will never make time for me. I need a man who will spoil me and who will make me,” they all yelled in unison, “their sexy, little, queen of a thang!”
Oluo banged on the table, cackling loud, tears running down his face. Hange fell on the floor while Erwin was trying to cover his face to hide the blush. You laughed so hard you flipped your bowl. “Oh crap!” You looked and saw a tiny hint of a smile on Levi’s face. It was a different look and you liked it. He looked cute and it made you happy.
“You finished?” He asked.
“Yeah,” you yawned. “I’mma hit the showers.”
You couldn't go to sleep. Tossing and turning you had all these expectations of what this mission entailed. Some were excited while some were terrified of the danger that laid on ship Marley. You didn’t know what to expect.
Sweat dripped down your back and your heart pounded fast. You shot up and breathed deeply.
Going to the kitchen you were looking for milk to drink to help with your insomnia. You were searching the refrigerator.
“What are you doing up?”
You shrieked as you jumped. It was Levi, leaning against the counter. “Oh my God, you scared me!” You clutched your heart.
“Couldn’t sleep?”
You nodded, “is it that obvious?”
He peered down to the carton of milk. “Eld told me what you two talked about.” Levi crossed his arms and you saw his muscles trying to rip out of his hoodie. “Its okay to be scared. If you’re not scared then you’re not human and when you’re doing this type of job you need everything to remind you that you still are. Besides, I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
You were silent because no one had ever said that to you. But you wondered if he was genuine. “I’ve never left that garage I worked at. Traveling space like this its always something I wanted but I’m just - the unknown is whats terrifying. I’m scared that I’ve wanted this for so long, what if its not what I expected? What if I fail?”
“That’s why you have to try it though, its to see what you feel about something. Because you’ll live your life not knowing and that being a mystery, and that is the worst feeling ever.”
“Yeah,” you scratched the back of your head.
“Give me your hand, I want to show you something?” Levi outstretched his hand to you.
“Where are you taking me?”
“I want to show you something amazing, idiot just take the dang hand.”
You clutched his palm and he made his way to the window of the ship. It was big and wide. It was as if the world was laid out in front of you.
“Wow,” you said amazed. Your eyes widened. The amazing galaxies and space reflected into your eyes. The sun was a little far way and was bright and beautiful. “Its so...perfect.”
“Right?” Levi leaned against the wall. “That’s kinda about the good thing about this job. The view is unbeatable.”
“I’ll say.” You smirked. “To think we are just a tiny part of this bigger picture. Makes you feel insignificant.”
“No, to me it makes me feel lucky. Lucky that I’m alive to witness something this great.”
You grabbed a hold of Levi’s hand, still looking at the space. “Thank you Levi.” Tears fell down your face.
Levi looked shocked and was about to ask but your look turned into something that was horrifying. You covered your mouth as you gasped. “What happened?”
He gazed to where you were pointing and his eyes widened. He ran and shouted and he went to go get the crew.
The ship Marley was there. Out of power, just floating like a lump of rock in the middle of space. It pieces broken and looking ruined. Something was terribly wrong.
a/n: oooh spooky lol i wonder whats gonna happen. phew that was a lot of writing i hope u guys enjoy it bc it means so much to me. but i mean u all can tell that levi is ready to drop everything for y/n, they already having heart eyes!!!
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GIVE A MAN A MASK ...
As always, a disclaimer that this is my personal lukewarm take, imbued in my portrayal. I do not regard the following analysis as an objective truth to all - but an important facet to the writing and characterisation on this blog.
The use of masks in the horror genre has consistently been a crux to unsettle its audience. By not showing a face we perceive as ‘true’ there is the instinctive notion that such a character who wears a mask has something to hide. A masked villain is intentionally separated from their cast of heroes, victims and extras, all of which are unveiled. In Michael’s case, his mask is meant to unnerve these characters before it terrifies, at first sight forcing the onlooker, Laurie, to question whether she has something to fear at all, if she is being too superstitious - especially on Halloween of all days.
This is achieved with the mask’s design, an uncanny impression of a man’s face (originally William Shatner’s...). The facial structure alludes to an initial, unremarkable presence of a passing stranger, but the hollowed, black eyes and impossibly white pallor intrude - presenting a loss or absence of humanity. One of the most succinct explorations into this effect is by Alexandra Heller-Nicholas in Masks in Horror Cinema: Eyes Without Faces, most relevantly quoting J.P. Telotte, ‘[the mask] is neither grotesque or distorted nor natural, but more resembling the face of a dead man.’ With this analogy, it becomes clear that Michael’s face serves as a reflection of the fate of his victims, inhabiting both the fear he evokes and death he inflicts. Doctor Loomis prophecises this in his monologue, detailing the ‘blank, pale, emotionless face’ and ‘the blackest eyes, the devil’s eyes’. What makes this a prophetic monologue is that this reading of Michael’s maskless face becomes a reality which we and Laurie have experienced, and will continue to do so with Michael’s ‘mask’. It is now an argument of whether the mask is a mask at all, but Michael’s true face. If Michael himself is aware of this encapsulation of both fear and death, then Loomis is a mouthpiece for Michael’s own self-fulfilling prophecy, embracing the belief of being ‘pure and simply evil’ - using the mask to enact his role, as Murray Leeder claims, ‘Like an actor in a Greek drama, [wearing] his villainy plainly on his face,’ but I would modify that it is not ‘on’ his face but ‘as his own face.’ In Dead by Daylight, his place as a killer among killers still may not deter from how eerie he is to see from a survivor’s perspective. Applicable is thegamingmuse’s analysis of Valtiel in Silent Hill 3, ‘He looks more human than almost all the other creatures we see, but that only makes him more upsetting. The similarities make the differences stand out all the more.’ Michael stands within the space between the familiar and unfamiliar, what we know and what we don’t know. In the film, he demands to be looked at, especially in Haddonfield where he agitates the suburban safety of the town. And when he is not in the scene at first glance, he still demands to be looked for because we know he doesn’t function within the same physical laws as a human, but we do not know the exact extent of what that power means. When comparing his 1978 mask to the 2007 remake’s, the original mask’s ‘wholeness’ is much clearer. For the most part, Carpenter and Hill’s Michael is pristinely presented - his mask unblemished, suggesting a fully realised sense of self in both his role and belief of being a villain. In contrast, Zombie’s Michael is damaged and deteriorating. Befitting the director’s more psychological interpretation of his character ambling between the role of victim and villain - a cracked and marred mask portraying a more ‘damaged’ and unstable sense of self, a malformed identity hinged upon reuniting with his sister - and when he fails to do so that mask and identity becomes all the more ‘incomplete’ in the sequel. Whereas in 1978, Michael is (presumably) completely extricated from his family after murdering Judith, assured and arrogant in his character of stalker, perpetrator and killer. What is notable is its only point of damage would be a hole in the neck from Laurie stabbing him with a knitting needle - leaving a permanent mark in the same area of anatomy Michael exploits to overpower his victims through strangulation. Her action in the narrative showing her refusal to be disposable — consequentially having ‘living’, tangible proof. She, along with Loomis, is one of the rare few to try and prove his mortality - only to result in him getting back up, asserting his enduring immortality. This immortality is even foretold in his face, ever watchful with an unblinking stare - bearing a likeness to ivory statues and figure sculptures throughout Western art history, depicting culturally significant fictional and historical figures. Just as sculptors like Michelangelo, Bernini and Rodin have brought such characters to solid life, Michael is immortalising himself just as these statues are commissioned to immortalise their subject, mythologising himself (which ... considering his fandom cult status). If he is likened to a marble statue then he assumes the infallibility of the same material, his silicone flesh does not decay. Simultaneously, we know he can move therefore we are prey to an ominous atmosphere, led to think when he is not immobile within our line of sight, he is still able to walk behind us without our knowing. It also raises the question of if his mask is what grants him infallibility to death... In contrast to his impassive white mask, his smiling clown facade at the start of the movie seems to be a hyperbolic mockery of emotion. Compared to Zombie’s choice of Michael wearing his most recognisable mask when murdering Judith, Heller-Nicholas stating, ‘Here the mask has a distinctly adult look, and on Michael’s body it suggests he is a child capable of committing ‘adult’ crimes.’ Whereas in the original, the clown mask has a disarming playfulness and infantile innocence, further adding to the shock reveal that this was a child who killed his older sister. For five minutes (or a few seconds if you were unaware of his age) he fits within the uncanny child trope, defamiliarising what we expect a child to be capable of, the unmasking of a child doubles as the unmasking of a killer. More so is it unnerving to consider how much in the same way clowns exist between comedy and tragedy, evoking laughter from their audience with staged stunts going awry and choreographed misfortune, the young Michael derives joy from the tragic act of murdering his sister. It is also important to note that Judith immediately recognises her younger brother while he is masked, solidifying he will be the mask he wears. Fifteen years later, his victims are deprived of this same familiarity and knowledge. The sinister truth of the clown costume is brought home all the more when Jamie Lloyd chooses similar garb as her trick or treat outfit in Halloween 4. Later fulfilling - or possessed by - the same prophecy of evil when killing her foster mother at the end. Throughout the movie, everything she feels is written on her face, she is unmasked and entirely honest in her terror, pain, brief happiness and sympathy until she has inherited Michael’s evil, the red pom-pom nose referencing Michael’s own crime when he was a child, while the eyemask also references his visibly void gaze now – adopting his mask’s dead-set impassivity with her own face. Again, the child’s crime is shocking but there is no moment of unmasking, rather the opposite: an inherited mask. Even beyond the Halloween franchise, the significance of Michael’s mask is brought back into the pop culture consciousness through the subversion of other killers in the same genre. In Scream, Wes Craven creates a direct relationship with Halloween while transgressing from it, parodying the slasher horror formula. This is even evident when comparing Michael and Ghostface’s masks; the two are similar in their pitch black eyes and white faces but where Michael’s is intended to evoke fear in the audience and narrative’s victims, embodying a disturbing synonymity between an everyman and dead man, Ghostface’s mirrors the screaming faces of the audience and characters - mocking their fear. Much like Jamie Lloyd, Ghostface credits a certain lineage to The Shape, but where Jamie unwittingly follows in her franchise father’s (or uncle’s) footsteps, Ghostface is the teenager trying to rebel against his forefather’s conventions. Ultimately, Michael’s mask serves as a blank page or screen to project our fears, ideals and theories onto. As much as anyone, including his own psychiatrists, would want to know why he wears a mask, there will be a range of readings that can only be individual interpretation because the only certainty is the mask is designed, as a cinematic device, to be emotionally provocative of caution and fear. Nonetheless, my own interpretation is exactly that - he wears it to primarily provoke a reaction and to witness the expression of those who witness him, knowing full well he is personifying the horror his victims suffer -- and we as an audience experience.
#META / HEADCANON.#( and i didnt even get to h2018 lmao .....................#I'VE BEEN Wanting to do this for a while and quarantine provides ample time#was just a question of attention span ! !
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Best Horror Movies on Netflix: Scariest Films to Stream
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Editor’s Note: This post is updated monthly. Bookmark this page to see what the best horror movies on Netflix are at your convenience.
Is it Halloween when you’re reading this? If not we’re still close enough with fall here and the month of October almost upon us! It’s the time of year where we like our drinks spiced with pumpkin or apple, our flannel light, and the movies we consume scary. And lucky for you there are more than a handful of worthwhile scary movies on Netflix.
There is nothing quite as fun as embracing the spooky, the creepy, the scary, and things that go bump in the night. Thankfully we have horror movies to help us down these paths. If you ever find yourself in need of a thrill or a chill, check out some of the best horror movies on Netflix, we’ve gathered here.
Enjoy your tricks and treats.
Looking for the best horror movies on Netflix UK? Click here!
As Above, So Below
We know what you might be thinking: a found footage horror movie? Yes, this was one of the later adherents to a genre craze that got run into the ground during the 2000s and early 2010s. However, As Above, So Below is the rare thing: effectively creepy. With a crackerjack premise about the real Catacombs of Paris being a secret gateway to Hell, the film casts an energetic Perdita Weeks as a modern day Indiana Jones in a Go-Pro helmet. She and her colleagues make the unwise choice to go off the tourist-guided path in the catacombs, which is home to the remains of more than 6 million people who died between the early middle ages and 18th century.
But once deep below the City of Lights, the film’s dwindling protagonists find themselves crawling beneath a wall with the words “Abandon all Hope Ye Who Enter.” And things just get bleak from there. This is a ghoulish good-time for those who are willing to indulge in the gimmick storytelling.
Apostle
Apostle comes from acclaimed The Raid director Gareth Evans and is his take on the horror genre. Spoiler alert: it’s a good one.
Dan Stevens stars as Thomas Richardson, a British man in the early 1900s who must rescue his sister, Jennifer, from the clutches of a murderous cult. Thomas successfully infiltrates the cult led by the charismatic Malcom Howe (Michael Sheen) and begins to ingratiate himself with the strange folks obsessed with bloodletting. Thomas soon comes to find that the object of the cult’s religious fervor may be more real than he’d prefer.
The Blackcoat’s Daughter
Some kids dream about being left overnight or even a week at certain locations to play, like say a mall or a Chuck E. Cheese. One place that no one wants to be left alone in, however, is a Catholic boarding school.
That’s the situation that Rose (Lucy Boynton) and Kat (Kiernan Shipka) find themselves in in the atmospheric and creepy The Blackcoat’s Daughter. When Rose and Kat’s parents are unable to pick them up for winter break, the two are forced to spend the week at their dingy Catholic boarding school. If that weren’t bad enough, Rose fears that she may be pregnant…oh, and the nuns might all be Satanists.
The Blackcoat’s Daughter is an excellent debut directorial outing from Oz Perkins and another step on the right horror path for scream queens Shipka and Emma Roberts.
The Evil Dead
1981’s The Evil Dead is nothing less than one of the biggest success stories in horror movie history.
Written and directed on a shoestring budget by Sam Raimi, The Evil Dead uses traditional horror tropes to its great advantage, creating a scary, funny, and almost inconceivably bloody story about five college students who encounter some trouble in a cabin in the middle of the woods. That trouble includes the unwitting release of a legion of demons upon the world.
The Evil Dead rightfully made stars of its creator and lead Bruce Campbell. It was also the jumping off point for a successful franchise that includes two sequels, a remake, a TV show, and more.
Gerald’s Game
We are living in a renaissance for Stephen King adaptations. But while there have been many killer clowns and hat-wearing fiends getting major attention at the multiplexes, the best King movie in perhaps decades is Mike Flanagan’s underrated Gerald’s Game. Cleverly adapted from what has been described as one of King’s worst stories, Gerald’s Game improves on its source material when it imagines a middle-aged woman (Carla Gugino) placed in a terrifying survival situation after her husband (Bruce Greenwood) dies of a heart attack during a sex game.
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Handcuffed to a bed in their remote cabin in the woods, Gugino’s Jessie must face the fact no one is coming to save her in the next week… more than enough time to die of dehydration or the wolf prowling about. Thus the specter of death hovers over the whole movie, seemingly literally with a monstrous shade emerging from the shadows to bedevil Jessie each night. A trenchant character study that frees Gugino to show a wide range of terror, determination, and finally horrifying desperation, the movie delves into the shadows of a woman haunted by trauma and demons almost as scary as her current situation. Almost.
The Gift
Who knew Joel Edgerton had it in him?
The Gift is the Australian actor’s writing and directing debut and it doesn’t disappoint. Edgerton stars as Gordon “Gordo” Mosely. He’s a nice enough middle-aged man if a little “off.” One day while shopping he runs into an old high school classmate Simon (Jason Bateman) and his wife Robyn (Rebecca Hall). After their brief encounter, Gordo takes it upon himself to start dropping off little gifts to Simon and Robyn’s home. Robyn sees no problem with it at first. But Simon becomes disturbed, perhaps because of the unique past Simon and Gordo share.
Many horror movies understand there must be a twist of some sort or at the very least an unexpected third act. Even still The Gift‘s third act switch up is particularly devastating because it’s so mundane and logical. The Gift ends up being an emotional drama disguised as horror.
The Girl with All the Gifts
Just when you thought there was nothing left to be done with the zombie genre, in comes a shocking and original idea… one that has sadly grown only more scary in 2020 with regards to The Girl with All the Gifts. A brilliant little indie from Colm McCarthy, this underrated gem imagines a zombie apocalypse as something closer to a viral pandemic that lasts for generations…. and one where a vaccine is always just out of reach.
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Evil Dead Movies: The Most Soul Sucking Moments
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Zombie Comedies Ranked
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Thus enters the class of Helen Justineau (Gemma Arterton). Years after a fungal infection ravaged the planet, turning the infected into “hungries” (breathing zombies), their offspring have shown a creepy ability to retain the ability to think, learn, and love… even as they crave living flesh.
Hence the students in Helen’s class, including her favorite Melanie (Sennia Nanua). The child is special… too much so when it’s believed her biology could create a vaccine that would spare anymore humans turning “hungry.” But to harvest her body, the military will drag Helen and Melanie through an urban hellscape which has reduced London to an abandoned refuge for Hungries and feral children who likewise hunt uninfected humans for food.
The Golem
The Golem is such an awesome monster from Jewish mythology that it’s hard to believe they don’t make more movies about him. Well now they have. The Golem isn’t a straight-up remake of the 1915 movie of the same name so much as it is the next step in the evolution of this grim mythological beast.
During the outbreak of a plague, Hanna (Hani Furstenberg) will do whatever it takes to defend her community from outside invaders. Unfortunately, and in true fairy tale fashion, the creature she conjures up to defend her community quickly develops a murderous mind of its own.
Green Room
Green Room is a shockingly conventional horror movie despite not having all of the elements we traditionally associate with them. You won’t find any monsters or the presence of the supernatural in Green Room.
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Movies
31 Best Horror Movies to Stream
By Alec Bojalad and 1 other
Movies
The 13 Best Horror Movie Themes
By David Crow
Instead all monsters are replaced by vengeful neo-Nazis and the haunted house is replaced by a skinhead punk music club in the middle of nowhere in the Oregon woods. The band, The Aint Rights, led by bassist Pat (Anton Yelchin) are locked in the green room of a club after witnessing a murder and must fight their way out.
Horns
A horror vintage for a distinctly acquired taste, Alexandre Aja’s Horns is a bizarre fairy tale for adults. As much a revenge fable as a typical chiller, this movie which put “Harry Potter in Devil Horns” is actually something of a grim love story based on a novel by Joe Hill.
Daniel Radcliffe plays Ig Perrish, an outcast in his local community who wants nothing more than to forever be by the side of his lifelong love Merrin (Juno Temple). After her brutal unsolved murder prevents that, Ig swears he’d sell his soul to get revenge.
Funny thing is the day after he makes such a proclamation, horns begin growing from his forehead. The greater they grow, the easier it is to get sinners around him to confess their most hidden shames, and indulge in others. But with the clock ticking before he becomes a full-fledged demon, and his soul is presumably claimed by Beelzebub, there is only a narrow window before he can get revenge while raising a little hell.
Hush
In his follow-up to the cult classic Oculus, Mike Flanagan makes one of the more clever horror movies on this list. Hush is a thrilling game of cat-and-mouse within the typical nightmare of a home invasion, yet it also turns conventions of that familiar terror on its head.
For instance, the savvy angle about this movie is Kate Siegel (who co-wrote the movie with Flanagan) plays Maddie, a deaf and mute woman living in the woods alone. Like Audrey Hepburn’s blind woman from the progenitor of home invasion stories, Wait Until Dark (1967), Maddie is completely isolated when she is marked for death by a menacing monster in human flesh.
Like the masked villains of so many more generic home invasion movies (I’m looking square at you, Strangers), John Gallagher Jr.’s “Man” wears a mask as he sneaks into her house. However, the functions of this story are laid bare since we actually keep an eye on what the “Man” is doing at all times, and how he is getting or not getting into the house in any given scene. He isn’t aided by filmmakers who’ve given him faux-supernatural and omnipotent abilities like other versions of these stories, and he’s not an “Other;” he’s a man who does take his mask off, and his lust for murder is not so much fetishized as shown for the repulsive behavior that it is. And still, Maddie proves to be both resourceful and painfully ill-equipped to take him on in this tense battle of wills.
Insidious
Insidious is the start of a multi-film horror franchise and a pretty good one at that. Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne star as a married couple who move into a new home with their three kids. Shortly after they move in, their son Dalton is drawn to a shadow in the attic and then falls into a mysterious coma from which they can’t wake him.
It’s at this point that the Lamberts do what horror fans always yell at characters to do: they move out of the damn house! Little do they know, however, that some hauntings go beyond mere domiciles.
The Invitation
Seeing your ex is always uncomfortable, but imagine if your ex-wife invited you to a dinner party with her new husband? That is just about the least creepy thing in this taut thriller nestled in the Hollywood Hills.
Indeed, in The Invitation Logan Marshall-Green’s Will is invited by his estranged wife (Tammy Blanchard) for dinner with her new hubby David (Michael Huisman of Game of Thrones). David apparently wanted to extend the bread-breaking offer personally since he has something he wants to invite both Will and all his other guests into joining. And it isn’t a game of Scrabble…
It Comes at Night
Surviving the apocalypse comes with a certain amount of questions. For starters, what do you do after you survive a global pandemic thanks to your secluded cabin in the woods…and then someone comes knocking? That’s the situation that the family consisting of Paul (Joel Edgerton), Sarah (Carmen Ejogo), and Travis (Kelvin Harrison Jr.) find themselves in in It Comes at Night.
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Best Horror TV Shows on Netflix
By Alec Bojalad
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Best Horror TV Shows on Hulu
By Alec Bojalad
When Paul and his family come across another family in the woods seeking shelter and water, they hesitantly welcome them in. But this soon proves to be a dangerous decision. Having guests in the real world is annoying enough to deal with and it only becomes harder when you suspect that any one of them could be sick with a highly-contagious, utterly fatal illness.
Paranormal Activity
Ignore the sequels. Yes, you know they’re bad and we know they’re bad. But long before “the Ghost Dimension” (whatever the hell that means), there was this eerie surprise hit that started it all. A movie which was estimated to be the most profitable movie of all time in its day–earning $193.4 million worldwide on a budget of $15,000–Paranormal Activity put Blumhouse Productions on the map and is still a supremely affecting piece of atmosphere.
Presented as the true story of a young, and not wholly likable, couple (Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat), the film follows the pair as they attempt to document the bumps they’re hearing in the house at night–only to discover a demonic presence and some repressed memories for one party. A still brilliant exercise in sound design, tension, and the uncanny ability to trick audiences into believing what they’re seeing is actually happening, this remains the best found footage horror movie ever made.
Poltergeist
Before there was Insidious, The Conjuring, or a myriad of other “suburban family vs. haunted house” movies, there was Poltergeist. Taking ghost stories out of the Gothic setting of ancient castles or decrepit mansions and hotels, Poltergeist moved the spirits into the middle class American heartland of the 1980s. With a smart screenplay by no less than Steven Spielberg (and, according to some, his ghost direction), Poltergeist finds the Freeling family privy to a disquieting fact about their new home: It’s built on top of a cemetery!
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TV
The Best Haunted House Movies and TV Shows of All Time
By Sarah Dobbs
Movies
How Annabelle Comes Home Fits into The Conjuring Universe
By Don Kaye
You probably know the story, and if you don’t you can guess it after decades of copycats that followed, but this special effects-laden spectacle still holds up, especially as a thriller that can be enjoyed by the whole family. Fair warning though, if your kids have a tree outside their window or a clown doll under their bed, we don’t take responsibility for the years of therapy bills this may inflict!
Red Dragon
The often overlooked other child of the Hannibal Lecter movie family, Red Dragon is no The Silence of the Lambs, no matter how much it wishes it was. Nor is it as visually evocative or luscious as Ridley Scott’s decadent Hannibal. Nevertheless, we find this prequel to both films to be at least worthy of association with the former, and ultimately more satisfying than the latter. A definite attempt to reshape Thomas Harris’ first novel to feature the Lecter character into a Silence of the Lambs clone, Red Dragon still has quite a bit to enjoy.
At the top of the list is of course Sir Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal for the third and final time. Definitely his hammiest iteration of the character, even a campy Hopkins is impossible to resist given the not-so-good doctor’s droll wit or distinct taste palate. Director Brett Ratner’s framing around Lecter is competent enough, and he wisely gets a superb supporting cast who can overwhelm any shortcomings.
Edward Norton is a compelling lead FBI detective; Philip Seymour Hoffman is delightfully repellent as a tabloid journalist who suffers a terrifying fate; and Ralph Fiennes roars as the serial killer who inflicts that fate on Hoffman. It may be no Manhunter–Michael Mann’s first adaptation of the source novel–but Red Dragon‘s the one on Netflix. So love the one you’re with!
The Silence of the Lambs
If you are only going to watch one Hannibal Lecter movie, this is the all-time masterpiece which remains the sole horror movie to win an Oscar for Best Picture. An absolutely gripping thriller even 30 years later, Jonathan Demme’s movie is an all-time great because of stellar performances and a sharp screenplay told by an even sharper eye.
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The Silence of the Lambs: A Thinking Person’s Monster Movie
By Ryan Lambie
Movies
Best Horror Movies on Hulu
By Alec Bojalad and 1 other
Here is the movie that kicked off the serial killer craze in Hollywood during the ’90s. Yet more than the gory details, what lingers in the mind are little things like an opening sequence that introduces Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster) as the lone woman on an elevator full of FBI ubermensches, or the way Anthony Hopkins breaks his unrelenting stare to mispronounce “Chianti” with dripping disdain for the Yokel sent to interview him. Every facet of this movie works, and thus it hasn’t aged a day. We do recommend watching it with a side of fava beans, though.
Sinister
One of the better Blumhouse chillers to come out of the 2010s, Sinister is the case of a brilliant elevator pitch meeting a superior pair of talents in director Scott Derrickson and star Ethan Hawke to bring it to life.
The setup of the movie is simple: There is a pagan demon god who will consume the soul of any nearby children whenever someone sees him. And not just him, but recreations of his image on walls. And wouldn’t you know it, true crime journalist Ellison (Hawke) just moved into a house with an attic full of home movies stuffed to the gills with Bughuul. And Ellison’s daughter is right downstairs. Uh oh.
Sleepy Hollow
As much a comedy as a horror film, Tim Burton’s Sleepy Hollow should always be on the table when discussing October viewing options. After all, this demented reimagining of Washington Irving’s classic short story, “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow,” never forgets the selling point is to have them rolling in the aisles. And more than a few heads do just that.
As a film with the most varied and imaginative uses of decapitation, Sleepy Hollow cuts a bloody path across Upstate New York. In fact, despite its American setting, we might as well confess what Sleepy Hollow really is: a modern version of a Hammer horror movie.
Burton incorporates all of his favorite tropes here: The intentionally stuffy faux-British acting (even though all the characters are of Dutch descent); the exaggerated and formal clothing; more than a few heaving bosoms; and lots and lots of gore. This film is so perfectly macabre and gleefully grotesque that you might even be forgiven for not noticing at first glance how dryly funny and deadpan a place this Sleepy Hollow tends to be.
Splice
What if Dr. Frankenstein banged his monster? That is just one of several creepy elements to Splice, a weird psychosexual sci-fi/horror hybrid. Directed by Vincenzo Natali and starring Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley as the world’s worst scientists, Splice follows two not-so-smart doctors who attempt to play God by creating an entire new species of creature they name Dren (Delphine Chanéac).
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Frankenstein Adaptations Are Almost Never Frankenstein Adaptations
By Kayti Burt
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By David Crow and 2 others
At first a computer-generated child with alien eyes and a roping tail, Dren soon grows from girl to young woman, seducer to… well, something even more unexpected. Weird, unpleasant, and ultimately unshakable like that one bad dream, Splice plays with ideas of identity, gender, and parenthood.
Sweetheart
Don’t let the name fool you, Sweetheart is very much a horror movie. What kind of horror movie, you ask? Well, after a boat sinks during a storm, young Jennifer Remming (Kiersey Clemons) is the only survivor. She washes ashore a small island and gets to work burying her friends, creating shelter, and foraging for food. You know: deserted island stuff.
Soon, however, Jenn will come to find that the island is not as deserted as she previously thought. There’s something out there – something big, dangerous, and hungry. Sweetheart is like Castaway meets Predator and it’s another indie horror hit for Blumhouse.
Tucker and Dale vs. Evil
Tucker and Dale vs. Evil is a fantastic little satire on the horror genre that, in a similar fashion to Scream, is packed with laughs, gore, and a bit of a message. When a group of preppy college students head out to the backwoods for a camping trip, they stumble upon two good-natured good ol’ boys that they mistake for homicidal hillbillies.
Their quick, off-the-mark judgment of Tucker and Dale lead to these snobs getting themselves into sticky, often bloody, and hilariously over-the-top situations. Tucker and Dale vs. Evil rides a one-joke premise to successful heights and teaches audiences to not judge a book by its cover.
Under the Shadow
This 2016 effort could not possibly be more timely as it sympathizes, and terrorizes, an Iranian single mother and child in 1980s Tehran. Like a draconian travel ban, Shideh (Narges Rashidi) and her son Dorsa (Avin Manshadi) are malevolently targeted by a force of supreme evil.
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How Jason Blum Changed Horror Movies
By Rosie Fletcher
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By David Crow
This occurs after Dorsa’s father, a doctor, is called away to serve the Iranian army in post-revolution and war-torn Iran. In his absence evil seeps in… as does a quality horror movie with heightened emotional weight.
Underworld
No one is going to mistake Underworld for high art. That obvious fact makes the lofty pretensions of these movies all the more endearing. With a cast of high-minded British theatrical actors, many trained in the Royal Shakespeare Company, at least the early movies in this Gothic horror/action mash-up series were overflowing with histrionic self-importance and grandiosity.
Take the first and best in the series. In the margins you have Bill Nighy and Michael Sheen portraying the patriarchs of warring factions of vampires and werewolves, and a love story caught between their violence that’ shamelessly modeled on Romeo and Juliet. It’s ridiculous, especially with Scott Speedman playing one party. But when the other is the oft-underrated Kate Beckinsale it doesn’t matter.
The movie’s bombast becomes the movie’s first virtue, and Len Wiseman’s penchant for glossy slick visuals, which would look at home in the sexiest Eurotrash graphic novel at the bookstore, is its other. Combined they make this a guilty good time. Though we recommend not venturing past the second or third movie.
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My Jewel (In Corrections)
Before continuing, I would like to explain why I could not continue with this modest Ahkmenrah fic. I lost my previous account and not only that, I also lost everything on my computer along with what I was writing, so I had to rewrite it and make some reforms in the process. I'm not sure if it's going to be understood because I don't speak English very well. If there is something wrong, I apologize. If someone wants to follow the story closely, I will gladly label whoever wants it again, that there is no doubt in telling me. From Argentina, the south of the world, this girl says thanks for your attention ❤️
Postscript: I wanted to wait until today to make it special, it's my 28th birthday and as a Christmas gift for you ❤️
Genre: Adventure, comedy, romance, fantasy
Warnings: None, for now, but much later, yes, yes, yes ;D
Summary
An ancient spell causes a millenary young lady to weaken, it is up to Larry and her friends to help her find the key to return her to normal while an unknown woman, along with three known individuals, and in order to proclaim her "how hers," she try to take over a captive jewel somewhere in Egypt. (The shock of all the chaos in the girl).
Objective? The guard and the exhibits must prevent it from falling into the wrong hands while between Ahkmenrah and the girl, a romance will slowly emerge that will bear fruit over time.
Chapter 1
Egypt 1940
The tents were part of a group of archaeologists who started a very important search dedicated solely to the tracing and possible discovery of a very valuable artifact, a mummy and hopefully also the family of the mentioned one.
The man in charge was 20 years behind the aforementioned, however over time he could never find that desire.
The midday sun rose at a rapid pace while many of them, more than a dozen Egyptians, approximately hundreds of locals worked from sunrise to sunset or excavating with the materials required to find future world heritage sites, which among them It could be the ancient Egyptian tomb. The sites traveled underground were illuminated by a row of spotlights providing light, thus allowing better lighting in random areas before possible treasures waiting to be exposed.
Without further ado, we find ourselves in one of the most famous necropolis, the Giza plateau, following in the footsteps of an archaeologist, an assistant and a local.
"Gentlemen, we are at risk, a storm is coming, my men are terrified! Let's go!”, Ahmed alarmed.
"Peter, we should give up.", said Richard, the aide walking between the dunes.
"Richard, the grave around here, I can feel it."
"Please, Peter, it's been over two months now.", Richard spoke again.
"Richard, I'm not going to stop.", Peter pawned on a whim.
"Dad, dad.", the voice of a child was heard in the distance, walking through the lateral area of the great rock mound, the great pyramid. "I'm hungry, dad, can we rest? And why is there so much wind?”
“Johan, wait in that sector. If you like to taste a bite of your chocolate, do it but I must continue with this.”
"I just want you to recharge. You haven't eaten a bite or slept, Dad.”
“Johan, listen to me. Go there, son.”, the man in question pointed to his left and his young son resigned himself to obey his father.
"Peter!", Richard yelled.
And followed by Richard, Ahmed exclaimed: "Mr. Anderson!"
"What?!"
Returning to the aforementioned, Johan barely walked a few meters from the camp, descending carefully between the golden slopes and abiding by what was established by his father, the young boy unwrapped the candy and tasting the bar of its tasty chocolate, leaned back against a wall. Slowly, small cracks began to be heard first, then important cracks appeared like that until that sector of the slope collapsed. There was never time for a reaction on his part, Johan fell according to his primary pose being a figure that coughed between rocks, dust and cobwebs in the remote darkness.
"Help! Hey! ”, Johan screamed at the top of his lungs without being heard by the amount of movement and noise from outside.
After recovering from that inhospitable moment, he rose from the ground to fend for himself inside the cave. Johan went deeper walking the first few meters until he had no choice but to lie down on the ground through the narrowness of what seemed to be an interior passage and crawl chest to the ground leaving behind the little light that entered through the gap produced by such action.
By turning on his flashlight he was able to more closely detail the end of that chamber, Johan stumbled upon what seemed to be a sacred place, he could see walls covered with hieroglyphs, two rows of 6 gigantic stone sculptures, crumbs of striking corrupted colors and two lackeys who guarded the entrance to the house where their masters remained in eternal sleep.
Inside, in the background and in front, there were three ornate sarcophagi, they were two adults, a pharaoh on the right, his wife on the left of the king and his daughter or perhaps son in the middle, the sarcophagi were made of pure gold and surrounded of splendid riches among other ostentatious objects is what the young adolescent could see once he carefully descended from the low height he traced through the tunnel.
His eyes were still mesmerized by the immense room still painted in a soft and elegant Egyptian blue, from the long wall filled with ancient inscriptions that covered the total of each corner to a recessed jewel that rested in the dark painting on the back wall, the same piece was jealously guarded by Egyptian texts around him, narrating the victories of royalty.
He wanted to speak but was so amazed that only his own breathing could be heard rumbling softly when the silence of the room welcomed him. Stunned to have discovered the enclosure that his father dreamed of finding so much. His happiness was multiplied by two.
With the lack of clarity provided by the rays of the sky god because the clouds overshadowed him for a few minutes, Peter was concerned that his perhaps firstborn was not in sight or anywhere.
He realized when he saw the hole made in the wall that was not there before and asked: “What is that? Where’s Johan?”
To which a tall, tanned man with defined Arabian features, wearing a blue tunic that reached his feet, called Ahmed, yes, the local in charge of indicating where to dig and where not, hesitated to give a concrete answer when the same Father ran to the hollowed out divider plate.
"Johan?!"
Peter traced the same path like this until completing the journey.
"Dad!", Johan shouted in order to let his father know that he was in optimal living conditions.
"Son, are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine!", Johan replied with a smile.
"I'm going in!"
Johan's father entered the priceless ruins by descending a staircase made of reeds, and upon observing his son safe and sound, this anguish ceased taking step by step until he reached him.
"Yes!", that man raised his arms completing his happiness. “I looked for this grave for so many years and you, what did you do? You hit right on it.”
Johan was carried by his father in his arms and the young man gave a happy laugh.
Johan muttered: "Look at all this, Dad."
He turned his gaze to the walls, lighting up the vastness of the delicious and immortalized art carved in all four corners as his father detailed the scriptures loving each part of the discovery itself.
"It is beautiful, just beautiful.", Peter muttered.
"And that jewel.", the boy muttered, pointing his flashlight in the direction of the relic, assuming his father walked there followed by the young man.
They advanced, leaving behind the mound of sand accumulated by too many centuries and scattered by the beginning of the ancient grave until it faintly lost itself on the same ground and once being close enough, that boy tried to touch it but the scream in the distance from Ahmed prevented it.
"Mr. Anderson?!"
Taking advantage of the fact that this place had a worse quality stone construction, the tunnel was not favored as a support, falling on a slope at the time that Ahmed touched the old and venerated terrain. But just as Ahmed entered, another man, an old man also burst onto the scene taking the young Johan's shirt by the lapels and this same subject shook him repeating a series of words frightening him when his father protected him.
"Hey, what's going on with you?!", exclaimed Mr. Anderson, very indignant.
"la! la tlmsha! 'aw sawf tahadath' ashya'an fazieatan!”
"Ahmed, what is he saying? What does it mean?”, asked Mr. Anderson.
"He says no! Do not touch her! Or horrible things will happen.”, Ahmed translated the words while the man continued speaking in Arabic, circumstances that Peter did not understand but having Ahmed close, nothing was impossible to know. “Also that you must get out of here immediately. For if someone desecrates the grave and unless they leave the abode of our ancestors alone, an ancient spell would be unleashed and the end would fall on her.”
"eindaha sawf taqae alnihaya."
"The end would fall on her." Ahmed said, staring at Peter unchangingly.
Johan was stunned when slowly in the dim light of that place, he looked askance at that same valuable golden object inlaid with three gemstones in blue, whose object shone with supernatural dazzle.
Being warned by an old Egyptian prophet, one should not ignore the sayings of who knows what consequences will come about through acts of irreverent desecration.
"From now on, you should know.", that man warned with the little English he used.
Mr. Anderson debunked myths, he wasn't superstitious but…
"And then whoever dares to desecrate the tomb and the queen's most precious possession, an ancient spell would be unleashed on her majesty's imprint and the end would fall on her.", Mr. Anderson translated the hieroglyphs to perfection.
The companions in the expedition of Mr. Anderson looked at each other while the native men of that country waited for one of them to listen. Johan looked at his young father somewhat fearfully but that archaeologist did not believe much even after hearing and reading the same warning.
Mr. Anderson continued: "Bring the trucks."
"Mr. Anderson, there is no time. A storm is very close.”, Ahmed alerted.
"Then hurry up. Come on, everyone work! I want them to load everything.”
Ahmed could be the native but Mr. Anderson's orders were orders and would have to be followed, without further ado, he agreed by muttering something in Arabic and instructed his men in the same mode of communication to correspond to such a task.
The father of the young boy bent on making history, arranged for the treasures to be placed in the vehicles and due to the strong sandstorm that broke out, it was not long until he ordered a second time that the artifacts be loaded into the trucks. as fast as possible since the sunset light announced the few minutes of life that were left to that day, thus obtaining the majority of relics that they could collect from said discovery that surely in the future would be exhibited as invaluable pieces in some important museum.
"Dad, I still think we make a terrible mistake.", Johan shared a possible and traumatic concern.
His father sighed and with a soft smile said: “We don't make mistakes, we make history, son. Let's go Johan.”
The Egyptian relics were still on the way to arrive in the strong sandy blizzard. And even that weird bracelet; How beautiful in itself, however worthy of strangeness, the beautiful piece with refined garments and finishes that a feminine figure used in her time in office in Ancient Egypt, was held by an Egyptian man and placed by himself in a large box of wood, where the jewel was sheltered by a soft wool blanket.
"The end would fall on her."
Ahmed looked at the box, reaffirming that old man's prediction that the worst was coming.
* * * *
Postscript: I'm editing this story because I didn't like how it turned out on the first post. I hope you like the improved version. Excuse me girls: @sherlollydramoine @xmxisxforxmaybe @txmel ❤️
Girls I hope you don't mind that I tagged you here. I hope you like it: @sunkissedmikky @moon-stars-soul @oldnoname @mrhoemazzello @petites-fantasies @diasimar @yousaycoke-isaycaine @sweet-motherlove @boyramimalek @riceloversblog @sternbergrm @rara-rami @ramimedley @ramisgirl512 @mrsahkmenrah-malek
If someone wants to label themselves here, welcome :D ❤️
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hi i love your prompts!! my friend is writing a story and wants to have some whump in it, so i thought i’d ask you if you had any prompts for it! it takes place 100 years after nuclear war broke out, and 12 young adults were forced into cryofreeze 50 years ago to see if they could live above ground. and while a lot of radiation cleared out, there’s still areas that are dangerously radiated. to make things worse, they all had their memories wiped and there are basically mutants above ground. ty!!
Oh daaaaaaaaang I love that idea! It reminds me of the 100 series, both the book series and TV show
(I refer to the young adults as a team here for ease of writing) ((also, there’s nothing bad under the cut, this is just a really long post and I’m breaking it up a bit))
One member gets a debilitating disease from the radiation, something similar to cancer. The rest of the team has to watch as the member suffers and slowly deteriorates, all while the member brushes it off and tries to hide how they’re suffering. Whether or not the member recovers is up to the writer.
The vegetation has mutated leading to the team preparing something wrong or eating the wrong thing. This leads to allergic reactions, poisoning, comas, seizures, vomiting, hallucinations, all the fun stuff.
There’s something bad in the water to include rain, mist, snow, etc. Does it cause them to hallucinate or does it cause physical harm? How does the team react to having no water?
One member touches or eats something that messes with their brain and leads them to attacking the team. The team has to physically restrain and contain the affected member. Now the team has two members out of commision, one injured and one potentially insane. The team has to listen to the affected member raving, screaming, thrashing, and pounding against their restraints. The team doesn’t know what happened, if it’s curable, or what they do next. The elephant in the room is the fact that they may have to kill the affected member. Meanwhile, the member acts like a rabid animal, snarling, clawing, screaming incoherently, sobbing, thrashing, throwing things, tearing at everything and everyone.
Consider what the member was/is. Weakest or strongest? Social butterfly or lone wolf? Leader or rebel? All of this will affect the team emotionally and physically. The way a trained warrior fights versus the way a healer would is vastly different. The most experienced or the least experienced would react and hit differently than the other option
If the member recovers: They now have to live with what they did for the rest of their lives. Do they look at the injured member and are stuck with horror and guilt? How does their dynamic with the team tear at what they did? What are the lasting emotional and physical repercussions? Is the injured member unconscious? Is it debatable if the injured member will live? What if the affected member potentially killed their friend? Were they aware of what they were doing but unable to stop? Were they fully gone? Do they still hear the screams and pleads to stop? The horrible things they said? Do they still feel what they did to the injured member? Can they still smell and taste the blood and dirt? Is there still blood under their fingernails? Will they ever trust themselves again? Will anyone else?
If they don’t: Who decides to kill the member or make the executive decision to leave the member behind? Does the member fight back or lie still when they’re about to be killed? Do they have moments of clarity and beg for either death or life? Are they shot, stabbed, poisoned etc? If they’re left behind, are they left food and water just in case? If they still manage to recover, does the decision to leave the member behind come back to bite the team in the butt? Or does the recovered member come back and save the team? The team now has to deal with leaving the member behind. Walking away to the screaming and thrashing.
If the writer is writing from multiple POVs, play with writing in one you wouldn’t expect here. Try writing from inside the affected member’s mind. Are they aware of what they’re doing but they’re a puppet in their own body? Are they completely insane? What does that look like? Do they think the team intends to harm them or do they think the team are intruders? What do they think or feel as they die? As they’re left behind to die slowly? POVs can really add to some unique whump
There are mutants?
Is the team revered or looked down on because they are not mutated? (Or are they?)
Revered:
Treated like gods, which seems nice at first until the people start demanding miracles
If they team can’t provide those miracles, it’s likely that they will be killed and/or tortured
The team frantically tries to escape while providing those miracles
Consider El Dorado (the animated movie) if it wasn’t a children’s comedy and things went significantly worse
Looked down:
Are they experimented on?
“Welcomed” by a group only to find out later that they’re meant for a sacrifice or meal
Enslaved
Hunted for sport
Creatures have mutated. Give them elongated necks, extra heads, insane amount of eyes, rows of teeth, reloadable stingers, giant insects, heightened vision and hearing, what have you. Let your horror mind go crazy (we all have a horror mind). The more grotesque and crazy your mutated creatures get, the more havoc they can wreak. Remember that this is a dystopian! In the Hunger Games there were birds that could mimic voices/screams, and wasps whose stings could cause hallucinations and/or death. Go crazy! Have your creatures melded with technology? Or gotten technological features all on their own? Do they have specific radiation related abilities? Play with this and then set the worst of it all upon your OCs *evil laughter*
Some ideas to play with just from our own world that creatures (animals, insects, aquatic beings) can do
Bites
Stings
Poison/venom
Swarms
Suffocation
Overwhelming a prey
Camouflage
Lures (think of angler fish or cookie cutter sharks that light up in the darkness to attract prey. Or venus flytraps)
Crocodiles and their death rolls
Forcing a prey to drown
Some octopi can whip their prey with venomous tentacles
Animals and bugs can spit
Choking
Marble cone snails literally deploy a venom filled harpoon
Suckers or various ways of sticking to prey
Constantly following until the prey is exhausted
There is a breed of wild, big cat (like a leopard) that mimics the cry of baby monkeys
Crushing
Paralyzation
Echolocation
Just read what tentacled sea snakes do!
“They can basically read minds. Maybe they can’t control other objects, nor can they tell exactly it is what they’re thinking, but based on their evolutionary method, they know where their prey is going to swim, and wait there with their jaws wide open. How does it manage this, you ask? Well, because of a fish’s innate reaction to perceived danger. It’s call C-start. When a fish sense sound waves in the water, their body automatically jolts and they go swimming speedily away from potential predators. The tentacled sea snake, however, moves its mid-section in order to purposefully trigger this response, then, when the fish tries to flee, it ends up right in the snake’s waiting mouth.”
And all of this is just from our own world. Also….just look at Australia.
Some more quick ones are to remove resources. Remove food, water, shelter, anything. Make the world itself a terrifying place. Mess with the elements of nature, mess with creatures, mess with people (do the mutants have powers? Even simple things like better strength or endurance? Better senses that can smell, hear, see, taste danger? Natural resistant to things that hurt the team? It doesn’t have to be X-men style powers unless you want it to), mess with e v e r y t h i n g.
Also, how have the mutants survived so long? What do they have that the team doesn’t and how can that hurt the team?
To heighten something, add a layer of time sensitivity or danger. Is something coming for them? Do they know?
And of course, there are lots more for mind wiping. This is just getting into a pretty long post and I’ve already re-written this several times (stupid tumblr kept crashing and my webpage kept reloading and deleting everything I’d already written) so I’m going to cut it off here with those quick ways to add whump as well.
If you’d like a follow up with mind wiping stuff, just message me! I’ll try to respond quicker this time 😅
Thanks for the ask! I’d love to know how this story goes! If it’s ever publicly shared somewhere (printed in a book, turned into a comic, posted on wattpad) message me again! I’d love to read it! (And if it’s never shared, I totally get that. Writers are weird and stories get away from us.) All the best of luck to your friend!!!!
Some gruesome things that animals do below this line
_____________________________________________________
Cannibalism
Eating prey alive
There is a breed of ant that makes a vertical, sticky platform filled with holes. Once a bug sticks to it, the ants pop out and pull it in various directions while stinging it to death. Some bugs can be stuck there for hours, being torn into manageable chunks
Spiders and their webbing up prey for later. Some do it while their prey is alive
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Words: 3053 Genre: humor, college AU, nerds being nerds and idiots being idiots Characters: Cinnabar, Phosphophyllite Summary: AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES!
A/N: i’m super sorry this is so late. I had everything ready to post this on time but life got in the way and then nano did too. But here it is, at last! Cinnaphos comedy! Also, of course this is not betaed, who do you take me for
Among all the things they had expected from college, their new roommate barking orders and insults at them wasn’t one of them. Usually, people gave Phos a chance before they started insulting them. Even Cairngorm had conceded them a couple of hours of trial.
Phos would mumble an apology if they weren’t utterly speechless. And terrified. And they would at least try to look apologetic, even if they had no idea what about, but their face was frozen in a petrified frown. The rest of their body was struggling not to let go of the unruly pile of belongings that they had been hoping to drop on the floor of their new room.
“No snoring, no talking in your sleep, don’t overstep here, this part of the room is mine, if I catch you with so much of a hair near my stuff you’re dead. Don’t touch my things: never touch my things.”
Their tried to nod while what they had hoped would be their new friend went on some more house rules. What was the name again? Shi-Ci-Cinnabar? Gosh, Phos would never call them by name until they weren’t certain. Also, they were not quite sure that all of their stuff would fit into the corner that Cinnabar designated as their own side of the room, but there was no way they could just mention it without risking their own head be bitten off.
So they tried to start small. By some miracle, they wiggled one of their hands free, unquestionable proof that they had been a juggler in a past life, and offered it to their roommate.
“So, uhm, my name is-“
“Oh yes, one last thing,” Cinnabar said, sparing half, or better, a quarter of disgusted glance toward Phos’s hand, “Don’t. Talk. To. Me.”
--
When Phos found enough courage in them to ask around about Cinnabar, they had been expecting tales of roommates being murdered under the pale moonlight, not what looked like the description of a very, very selective cat.
A “cutie,” Padparadscha’s words. A cutie that had helped them with calculus, apparently. Which implied a lot of interesting and contradictory inferences. Like the fact that Papda had spent a considerable amount of hours in the company of Cinnabar, that Cinnabar had softened their bark enough to explain things to them, that those things were math, and that Cinnabar had been patient and good enough a teacher to succeed where even Rutile had failed. All without killing Padparadscha or even injuring them a little.
But Padparadscha didn’t count, Phos thought: everybody liked Padparadscha, it didn’t mean anything. So Phos went looking for their horror stories elsewhere.
Now Cinnabar went from “cutie” to “friend,” which sounded even stranger because it implied an even longer period of interaction and shared space. They were quite sure that Diamond even added the words “for years” next to “friend.”
Of course, Dia had a nice word for everyone, but by the time Bort seconded their opinion, adding tales about the one time they baked German sweets for Christmas rather than how they helped Cinnabar hide a body, Phos was very confused.
Cinnabar was a selective hatred-inflicting mystery, and Phos loved a good puzzle. As long as it didn’t mean ending up six feet under, but judging from their roommate’s meager if anything body-count, it was a risk they could dare take.
Like most things in Phosphophyllite’s life, they didn’t plan it. They waited for the universe to align in a position favorable for minding someone else’s business. And the universe delivered on a sunny October afternoon, in the form of a Cinnabar leaving their laptop open and unguarded on their bed when they went to the toilet.
As it was due, Phosphophyllite thanked the universe, tasting the sweet, forbidden flavor of danger in their mouth as adrenaline started rushing through their body. They were alone, and they would be alone for a few seconds at least, so they steadied their heart and did the unthinkable.
They stepped into Cinnabar’s side of the room.
They world went still. Phos imitated it standing immobile as if the walls around them could crumble at any moment. As if Cinnabar had only pretended to leave their laptop unguarded, like they would ever make such a mistake. They were testing Phos. Their sadistic, evil kitten personality was testing Phos’ loyalty to the fear they had worked so hard to elicit in them that first day. And all the days after that.
But like most times in Phosphophyllite life, Phos ignored their common sense, opting instead for the decision that would elicit the least foreseeable outcome. Which happened to also be the stupidest.
They made another step.
Was it their imagination or the air in the room was getting colder? Shinsha’s side was definitely inhabited by the ghosts of their former roommates.
The forbidden object was now so close that Phos could venture out to touch it. Would that leave any fingerprint on the black, shiny, vampiric surface though? Would those fingerprints be easily attributable to Phosphophyllite? That was the whole point of fingerprints, if Phos was not mistaken.
So they made another step, their legs now dangerously close to the bed, to the point that they could feel the soft consistency of cotton sheets against their shin. They had never felt closer to death before and thus had never felt so alive. And so determined to stay alive.
That’s when they decided that they must have a death wish. They moved their head forward, casting their eyes impossibly close to enemy territory, and stole a glance at Cinnabar’s laptop, enough to capture the image they had set as wallpaper.
And Phos brought both of their hands to their mouth and suffocated a loud, elongated scream.
Cinnabar.
Cinnabar “if you talk to me you’re dead.”
Cinnabar “I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color.”
Cinnabar “I have never tasted the sweet flavor of happiness.”
That Cinnabar had a picture of kittens as desktop wallpaper.
Little, cute, fluffy fur balls with a big sign with words of encouragement written on it.
And Phos wasn’t screaming, or trying to prevent themselves from doing so, because of the kittens. Because everybody had a right to live their emo life in any way they so preferred. Even if 2008 had come and gone ten years ago. Even if it meant walking around with eyes so empty they could suck you in like a singularity point while still using a freaking picture of kittens as desktop wallpaper.
No, Phos would never judge someone else’s aesthetic, however contradictory. It would have meant judging their own first of all, and they enjoyed feeling the power surge of entropy as they went about their day in mismatched colors and sandaled socks.
No. Phos was screaming, or trying to prevent themselves from doing so, because of the sign. A huge, fully saturated red monstrosity that hurt their aspiring graphic designer’s eyes, but still not quite as much as the font.
There it stood, on Cinnabar’s pitch-black laptop, surrounded by the naïve cuteness of kittens. There it stood, the forsaken font, in all its cursed glory. Desecrating, insulting, violating, blaspheming the blissful and yet beautiful contradiction of emo kittens.
If they didn’t hear Cinnabar’s footsteps approaching from the corridor, Phos would have suffered from a Comic Sans-induced heart attack right on the spot. In Cinnabar’s side of the room.
They had just enough time to contemplate if that was Cinnabar’s preferred method of killing unsolicited roommates before they plunged into their own bed with a leap worthy of an Olympic qualification, like their life depended on it. Because, quite frankly, it did.
With their heart beating fast both from the near-death experience and the horror provoked by their discovery, they grabbed a book, the first book they could find, and shoved it in their own face the moment they landed on the mattress, exactly 0.2 seconds before Cinnabar’s figure stepped through the doorframe.
They had a large, steaming cup of coffee in their hand and a murderous stare in those bottomless, blood-red pits that people around campus insisted on calling eyes.
All the cuteness and tenderness they could have felt after discovering about the kittens disappeared as Phos tried to decipher if that glance was directed at the world or at them in particular.
Their heart was marathoning a full 50km at the speed of a sprinter. And it was being loud about it. So loud. Phos knew that Cinnabar could hear it.
As if in response, Cinnabar’s head shifted imperceptibly toward Phos’ side of the room. Not enough to make out their eyes from beneath Cinnabar’s red, tangled mess of a mane, but definitely enough to have Phos question all of their life choices so far.
--
The scene kept replaying every day before Phosphophyllite’s eyes.
Their forbidden gesture, the way they had bolted to the bed, the way they had grabbed a book and pretended to be reading, the way Cinnabar had come back to their room and had looked at them, the way they had sat down on their bed without saying a word.
The way they had started using their computer as if nothing had happened, the way Phos had cast a panicked glance in their direction and the way they had discovered, upon closer inspection, that they had been holding the book upside down.
Cinnabar didn’t mention any of these things. Not that day, nor the day after that. It was like they hadn’t noticed anything amiss in Phos’ behavior. And that was what made Phos so suspicious.
Phosphophyllite knew about their own chaotic attitude towards life. They knew they would never commit the perfect crime, because they could easily find a needle in a haystack but would totally miss a sperm whale in a coffee cup. Phosphophyllite knew. Everyone knew. Cinnabar knew.
And Cinnabar was waiting for them to break down.
It was already happening. Guilt and anxiety and horror mixing up in an uncontainable cocktail in Phos’s stomach, dangerously close to overflowing.
Could Cinnabar hear the pounding sound of Phos’ heart every time they were alone in a room with them? Had Cinnabar noticed that something was wrong with their laptop where Phos’ eyes had dared taint it with their glance? Did Phos leave any traces of their irresponsible trespassing?
The silence kept stretching on between the two of them, heavier and more loaded with murderous repercussions than usual. And with it, the growing repulsion of that one, cursed sign, disfiguring the amenity of emo kittens. It must have been ironic, Phos thought, it must have been. Or it could have been another test for Phos. If so, how should they respond to it?
They realized that they were staring at Cinnabar again, ready to anticipate possible attacks.
Cinnabar was sitting on their bed, black clothed legs hugging their black laptop while long, black sleeves clad their arms and hands, fingers intently typing some mysterious something. It was probably a list of the reasons why Phos had failed the test and how Cinnabar could get rid of them and make the world a better place.
Cinnabar pressed enter one last time, a single, swift movement of the finger.
It was all Phos needed.
They knew. Cinnabar knew. It was in the satisfaction with whom they had pressed enter and made their list of ‘1001 ways to kill Phosphophyllite’ a reality.
And the emotional brew that had been fermenting inside Phos’ stomach broke free.
“I’m so sorry please don’t kill me!”
If Phos thought that Cinnabar had been considering them up to this point, they were definitely unprepared to bear the weight of their undivided attention. Because, yes, Cinnabar’s stare was now definitely murderous, and yes, all of that murderous intent was directed at Phos exclusively. Success.
They arched one single eyebrow in Phos’ general direction.
Phos felt their heart sink. Catching what could very well be their last breath, they realized they should fight for their life. Because Cinnabar spat the next word as if it was disgusting for the sole reason that it was directed at Phos.
“What,” they said.
Phosphophyllite could see their chances of survival physically dimming before their eyes.
“Y-your laptop, I’m sorry, I swear I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to, it happened, I looked at it!”
“You what?”
“I was just curious,” they blurted out, a curious mix of shame, relief and desperation lining their voice, “you never talk to me and you look super scary, but everyone else said you’re actually pretty nice and I didn’t know, I didn’t know what to do, I don’t know what kind of person you are so I thought I’d look just for a tiny second, please, please, please forgive me.”
Curiously enough, Cinnabar didn’t look murderous anymore. They looked perplexed.
They arched another eyebrow and that was when the magic happened because, rather than making them even scarier, that one gesture changed the expression on their face completely. They lost intimidation points, the second eyebrow easing some of the dangerousness from their face and replacing it with a new emotion that wasn’t gloom or anger or angst, or any of the emotions that Cinnabar had displayed in Phos’ presence.
Cinnabar looked surprised.
And it looked cute on them.
And did Phos just think ‘cute’ and ‘Cinnabar’ in the same phrase? They were definitely going to die today.
“You looked at my computer?”
“I did.”
And here was when the magic kept on happening. Because Cinnabar kept looking surprised. And, as such, kept looking less dangerous than they were cute.
“You- but why-“ even more: Cinnabar looked almost calm now, as if their disbelief had been enough to kick out anger and murder from their head, because there wasn’t enough room for all three of them. For a brief second, the thought that maybe, just maybe, they would live to see another day crossed Phos’ mind.
And then the thought crossed their mind again for a longer second, because Cinnabar’s face was an adorable frown of perplexity while they tried to make sense of their first experience of Phos’ incongruous lifestyle. If Cairngorm were here, they could help them through the process. It was less traumatic when there were two people instead of one to acknowledge the hopelessness of Phos’ case.
“Why?” Cinnabar managed to ask in a tiny, childish voice that Phos would never have believed could belong to them. And they destroyed it with chaotic pragmatism.
“I don’t know! I was just curios!”
Cinnabar’s eyes were back on them, their gaze significantly less cute now and Phos contemplated the option of pleading for their life once again, but they were on a rampage and couldn’t stop the words that come out of their mouth. So they uttered them at the speed of light to make up for it.
“Also please tell me it’s ironic!”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“The font!” what else? Was this another test? “The cursed one! The pic was super cute but you can’t ruin it like that! It hurts the kittens!”
“What the actual fuck. What’s your problem?”
“Gosh, I can’t believe this!” and wielding as a weapon that specific brand of courage that comes from an equal mixture of foolhardiness and spite, Phos did the unthinkable again.
They stood up and walked two oblivious steps into Cinnabar’s territory. And a third one toward Cinnabar’s bed. They bent down over their computer, dangerously close to Cinnabar’s face and blissfully unaware of the defensive way in which they were drawing back.
“That thing!” they said once again, pointing a finger at Cinnabar’s desktop, “gosh, I can’t even say its name, you used comic sans. Like, you used comic sans!”
“Stop staring at my computer, you creep,” Cinnabar protested, and shut the machine as a sign of defiance.
“How can you call me a creep? Look what you did to your kittens!”
“What the hell, go away, go back to your side of the room.”
“They don’t deserve this, and that red too, they don’t deserve this pain.”
Phos was so absorbed in their graphics-induced indignation that they almost missed the fierce, deep red that was dying Cinnabar’s cheeks. And they almost missed the way Cinnabar was no longer barking threats but tilting their head to the side and looking at them with a mixture of confusion and apprehension. Because Phos was ranting about designer’s stuff to a math grad. A math grad who knew about technology only the bare necessaire to write a couple of papers in which the quantity of numbers beat words 5 to 1, and who liked it that way. So Phos missed the exact moment in which Cinnabar’s irritation for their outrageous breach of privacy and personal space muted into defensiveness.
“’twas a gift. From my Sensei.”
“Uh?”
“The thing, I didn’t make it, it was a gift. It was nice of him. He said it was t-to bring me good luck.”
And suddenly the weight of all the things they had missed while they were ranting about gestalt and the faults of sans serifs hit Phos in the head with the violence of a very, very hard frying pan. And then they felt like shit.
“Oh. Oh! Shit, I mean, gosh, and how- how old is your Sensei?”
“I don’t know.”
“Like, more than sixty?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“Alright, alright, gosh,” Phos ran a hand through their hair, they gazed at Cinnabar from beneath the teal and found them staring back at them, anticipation and worry on their face.
They were several years older than Phos, and several shades more bitter. And yet, they looked so tiny. A fragile, red-headed thing with adorable little freckles and what looked like a half-pout. In that exact moment, Phos understood how Padparadscha could call them a “cutie.” Padpa was never wrong about people, after all.
“Okay, listen. He was nice, but you both need to be enlightened about stuff,” so they put their hands on their hips in the cheap imitation of a power pose and donned their most charming smile.
“Therefore, I, Phosphophyllite, will help you out. I’m going to make you the best kitten wallpaper. The one that only you can use.”
And then proceeded to be smacked in the face by a skillfully thrown cushion.
#houseki no kuni#cinnaphosweek2018#cinnaphos#cinnabar#phosphophyllite#fic tag#lets give these rocks more stupid moments#and some more clichey situations#just because i can#pls enjoy this it is super long#and my sarcastic purple prose is showing#everyone who reads this gets +10 vocabulary points#and sorry again this is so late
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The Practice of Joy in the Face of Death
All that I am, and want to be: Simultaneously dove, snake and pig. ~ Nietzsche
When a man finds himself situated in such a way that the world is happily reflected in him, without entailing any destruction or suffering – as on a lovely spring morning – he can let himself be swept away by the enchantment or simple joy which results. But he can also perceive, at the same time, the weight and the vain yearning for empty rest implied by this beatitude. At that very moment, something cruelly rises up within him that is comparable to a bird of prey that tears open the throat of a smaller bird in an apparently calm and clear blue sky. He recognizes that he cannot fulfill his life without surrendering to an inexorable movement, the violence of which he feels acting upon the most hidden aspects of his being with a rigour which frightens him. If he turns to other beings, who do not go beyond beatitude, he does not feel hatred, to the contrary he feels sympathy for necessary pleasures: he only clashes with those who pretend to attain fulfillment in their lives, who act out a risk-free comedy in order to be recognized as having attained fulfillment, while in fact it is all just talk. But he should not succumb to vertigo. For vertigo quickly exhausts and threatens to revive a concern for happy leisure or, failing that, for a painless emptiness. Or, if he does not give in, and if he tears himself completely apart in terrified haste, he enters death in such a way that nothing is more terrible. He alone is happy who, having experienced vertigo to the point of trembling in his bones, and being no longer able to measure the extent of his fall, suddenly discovers the unexpected ability to transform his agony into a joy capable of freezing and transfiguring those who encounter it. However the only ambition which can take hold of a man who, in cold blood, sees his life fulfilled in rending agony, cannot aspire to a grandeur that only extreme chance has at its disposal. This kind of violent decision, which interrupts his repose, does not necessarily entail his vertigo nor his fall in sudden death. In him, this decision may become an act and a power by which he devotes himself to the rigour whose movement continually closes in on him, as cutting as the beak of a bird of prey. Contemplation is only the context, sometimes calm and sometimes stormy, in which the rapid force of his action must one day be put to the test. The mystical existence of the one whose “joy in the face of death” has become inner violence can never attain the satisfying beatitude of the Christian who gives himself a foretaste of eternity. The mystic of the “joy in the face of death” can never be regarded as cornered, for he is able to laugh complacently at every human endeavour and to know every accessible delight: however the totality of life – ecstatic contemplation and lucid knowledge accomplished in a single action that cannot fail to become risk – is as inexorably his lot as death is that of a condemned man.
*
The following texts cannot in themselves constitute an initiation into the exercise of a mysticism of “joy in the face of death.” While admitting that such a method might exist, they do not represent even a part of it. Since oral initiation is itself difficult, it is impossible to give in a few pages anything more than the vaguest representation of what by nature cannot be grasped. On the whole, these writings represent, moreover, less exercises strictly speaking than simple descriptions of a contemplative state or an ecstatic contemplation. These descriptions would not even be acceptable if they were not given for what they are, in other words, as free. Only the very first text could be proposed as an exercise.
*
While it is appropriate to use the word mysticism while speaking of “joy in the face of death” and its practice, it implies no more than an affective resemblance between this practice and those of the religions of Asia or Europe. There is no reason to link any presuppositions concerning an alleged deeper reality with a joy which has no object other than immediate life. “Joy in the face of death” belongs only to the person for whom there is no beyond; it is the only intellectually honest route that one can follow in the search for ecstasy.
Besides, how could a beyond, a God or anything similar to God, still be acceptable? No words are clear enough to express the happy disdain of the one who “dances with the time which kills him” for those who take refuge in the expectation of eternal bliss. This kind of timorous saintliness – which first had to sheltered from erotic excess – has now lost all its power: one can only laugh at a sacred drunkenness which is allied to a “holy” horror of debauchery. Prudishness may be beneficial to those who are undeveloped: however anyone who is afraid of naked girls or whisky would have little to do with “joy in the face of death.”
Only a shameless, indecent saintliness can lead to a sufficiently happy loss of self. “Joy in the face of death” means that life can be glorified from root to summit. It robs of meaning everything that is an intellectual or moral beyond, substance, God, immutable order or salvation. It is an apotheosis of that which is perishable, apotheosis of flesh and alcohol as well as of the trances of mysticism. The religious forms that it rediscovers are the naive forms that precede the intrusion of a servile morality: it renews the kind of tragic jubilation that man “is” as soon as he stops behaving like a cripple: glorifying necessary work and letting himself be emasculated by the fear of tomorrow.
I
“I abandon myself to peace, to the point of annihilation.”
“The sounds of struggle dissolve into death, like rivers into the sea, like the sparkle of stars into the night.
“The strength of combat is fulfilled in the silence of all action.
“I enter peace as into a dark unknown.
“I sink into this dark unknown.
“I myself become this dark unknown.
II
“I am joy in the face of death.
“Joy in the face of death transports me.
“Joy in the face of death hurls me down.
“Joy in the face of death annihilates me.
“I remain in this annihilation and, from there, I imagine nature as an interplay of forces expressed in multiplied and incessant agony.
“I slowly lose myself in an unintelligible and bottomless space.
“I reach the depths of worlds
“I am devoured by death
“I am devoured by fever
“I am absorbed in somber space
“I am annihilated in joy in the face of death.
III
“I am joy in the face of death.
“The depth of the sky, lost space is joy in the face of death: everything is cracked open.
“I imagine the earth turning dizzyingly in the sky.
“I imagine the sky itself slipping, turning, and disappearing.
“The sun, comparable to alcohol, turning and bursting breathlessly.
“The depth of the sky like an orgy of frozen light fading.
“All that exists destroying itself, consuming itself and dying, each instant only arising in the annihilation of the preceding one, and itself existing only as mortally wounded.
“Continuously destroying and consuming myself within myself in a great festival of blood.
“I imagine the frozen instant of my own death.”*
IV
“I focus on a point in front of me and I imagine this point as the geometrical locus of all existence and all unity, of all separation and all dread, of all unsatisfied desire and all possible death.
“I cling to this point and a deep love of what I find there burns me, until I refuse to be alive for any reason other than for what is here, for this point which, being both the life and death of the loved one, has the roar of a cataract.
“And at the same time, it is necessary to strip away all external representations from what is there, until it is nothing but a pure violence, an interiority, a pure inner fall into an endless abyss: this point endlessly absorbing from the cataract all its nothingness, in other words, all that has disappeared, is “past,” and in the same movement endlessly prostituting a sudden apparition to the love that vainly wants to grasp that which will one day cease to be.
“The impossibility of satisfaction in love is a guide toward the fulfilling leap at the same time that it is the nullification of all possible illusion.”
V
“If I imagine in a vision and in a halo that transfigures the ecstatic, exhausted face of a dying being, what radiates from this face illuminates out of necessity the clouds in the sky, whose grey glow then becomes more penetrating than the light of the sun itself. In this vision, death appears to be of the same nature as the light which illuminates, to the extent that light fades once it leaves its source: it appears that no less a loss than death is needed for the flash of life to traverse and transfigure dull existence, for it is only its free uprooting that becomes in me the power of life and time. In this way I stop being anything other than the mirror of death, just as the universe is only the mirror of light.”
VI. HERACLITEAN MEDITATION
“I myself am war.”
“I imagine a human movement and excitation, of which the possibilities are endless: this movement and excitation can only be appeased by war.
“I imagine the gift of an infinite suffering, of blood and open bodies, in the image of an ejaculation, felling the person it jolts and abandoning him to an exhaustion full of nausea.
“I imagine the Earth hurled into space, like a woman screaming, her head in flames.
“Before the terrestrial world whose summer and winter order the agony of all living things, before the universe composed of innumerable spinning stars, losing and consuming themselves without restraint, I only perceive a succession of cruel splendours the very movement of which demands that I die; this death is only the exploding consumption of all that was, joy of existence of all that comes into the world; even my own life demands that everything that exists, everywhere, continually give itself and be annihilated.
“I imagine myself covered with blood, broken but transfigured and in agreement with the world, both as prey and as a jaw of time which ceaselessly kills and is ceaselessly killed.
“There are explosives everywhere which perhaps will soon blind me. I laugh when I think that my eyes persist in demanding objects that do not destroy them.”
Georges Bataille La pratique de la joie devant la mort, Mercure de France, 1967
* One night, dreaming, X. is struck by lightning: he knows that he is dying and is suddenly, miraculously, dazzled and transformed; at this point in his dream, he attains the unexpected but he woke up.
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121 - A Story of Love and Horror, Part 1: “Barks”
The password is “mudwomb”. The username is “mudwomb”. The website is “mudwomb”. Where did the rest of the Internet go? Welcome to Night Vale.
I would like to tell you a story. It is a difficult story and I don’t know what it means, but it seems important to me to tell you. It is about two people and a terrible, impossible decision that they found themselves having to make. It concerns Frances Donaldson and Nazr al-Mujaheed.
But first, the community calendar.
This Tuesday evening the Night Vale Football Boosters Club will hold their meeting at the Applebee’s that we’re all pretty sure was a Chili’s just yesterday, but now is an Applebee’s, and all records show it has always been an Applebee’s even though we remember it as a Chili’s. The subject of this week’s meeting will be the timing of football games, which all members agree are too long. “Hey, I like football as much as the next guy,” said Hannah Gutierrez, “but a whole sixty minutes of play? Plus all the breaks and starting and stopping? We're busy people. Football should take less time.” The Booster Club will be working on their new proposal to get games done in a tight 15, so everyone can get home to watch the newest episode of Stop Chef, in which a group of contestants compete to prevent a chef from cooking.
Wednesday is Love Day at Dark Owl Records. Owner Michelle Nguyen explained that after recent love-focused events, she wanted everyone to understand that love is a laughable concept. And she wanted to highlight its absurdity by selling albums with songs that ruthlessly mock love using subtle irony, like “I Will Always Love You” and “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”. My former radio intern Maureen, who was in the store too and was holding hands with Michelle, agreed that love is stupid, and funny. And fun and ridiculous, and all-encompassing and revitalizing. Then Michelle said, “What?” And Maureen said, “What?” And then they both got embarrassed and asked me to leave.
Thursday is the Safety Parade, which the Sheriff’s Secret Police hold each year in order to highlight safety. Of course, no one is allowed to march in or attend the parade for their own safety. As Secret Police Mascot, Barks Ennui, always says: “Woof woof! The biggest danger to you – is you! Woof woof.”
Friday is a meeting at town hall to discuss the problem of entrances to other universes, and the question of whether all of us even ended up in the right universe after that whole recent mixup. There will be light snacks as well as blood tests and surprise interrogations about our version of history, in order to trip up intruders from parallel universes. Attendance is mandatory.
This Saturday and Sunday, the Brown Stone Spire will be offering powerful gifts in exchange for great sacrifices. The larger the sacrifice, the more powerful the gift. For instance, if you give it a DVD you got for Christmas five years ago and have never even taken out of its shrink wrap, it’ll give you a well-worn copy of “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets” that is missing its cover. But if you give it an offering of your own blood and fervent chanting, the copy of “Chamber of Secrets” it gives you will have an intact cover.
And finally, this Monday, Night Vale cinemas will be hosting a showing of that classic comedy caper, “The Grift of the Magi”, in which two con artists run scams in order to get one another Christmas gifts, only to find that they have accidentally each stolen the money from the other.
And now, a story of love – and horror.
Frances Donaldson runs the Antiques Mall in Old Time Night Vale. Long before she took on that job though, she developed an interest in time. As a child, she would stand still and consider that while she had not moved at all in space, something had changed. That she had grown just slightly older, her hair just slightly longer, and this without being able to see the movement at all. She liked to lie in bed and, through her window, watch planes pass very high in the sky. She liked to think about where they had taken off and where they might land. Objects fascinated her, because they too moved through time, on a different trajectory than her. Her bedroom lamp had existed, looking more or less like it was now, since before she was born, and could well exist after she had died. It wasn’t even aware, was too unable to move, and yet it joined her in this mad hurdle through time.
She found this terrifying, and she found this fascinating. And she found this delightful and she wanted it to stop. And she hoped it never stopped, and she felt all of these feelings equally and at once, and without contradiction. What use was there in worrying if all of what she felt about time did not exactly add up? She was too busy feeling it to consider what it meant. And so, of course, she became fascinated with antiques. These objects washed up from the crooked tides of time.
Nazr al-Mujaheed coaches the Night Vale High School football team. Go Scorpions. And this was almost the entirety of his world. He thought about football when he woke up, he thought about it on the drive to work. Of course he thought about it when he ran practices and had meetings with the assistant coaches, and he thought about it at night when he ate take-out dinners on his couch while watching football. This made him happy. And what makes a person happy, if it doesn’t harm another person and doesn’t harm themselves, is OK. Even if it’s not how anyone else would want to live.
But while it made him happy, Nazr was also aware that is more than one kind of happiness. And that perhaps this happiness he found in a life endlessly thinking about football, was less than the happiness he could find in a life with more things in it. This wasn’t about fixing a problem, this was an attempt to improve on a good situation. This was his play for some sort of grace. Other people he knew could provide an outside perspective, and perhaps allow him to be less focused on his work and on the game he coached. And so he decided he would try dating. Without expectations, without a plan, just as a way to see what the world might have for him.
And now, a word from our sponsors.
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There was no great epiphany for Frances that led to her dating life. She had been on the dating app, Void, since it had become available in Night Vale, and had gone on a few casual Void dates. It was not an important part of her life, because it didn’t seem likely to ever lead to anything more. But the occasional company was nice. A night with someone, and then back to her life as it was, which was a life she liked. In this way, her dating was related to her obsession with time. Her bed was always the same bed, and sometimes there was another person in it. And mostly only her. She floated upon that bed as it moved through time. Passengers on and off, and she alone voyaging onward.
And then, Nazr messaged her on Void and they started chatting. For his part, he was unsure of how to date, it having been some time since he had done and certainly before dating happened as a series of written communications, rather than awkward hand gestures. So he had messaged a number of women in town, who had seemed to him like someone he might want to spend more time with. He did this without expectation. He had few expectations that did not involve football. He just performed the actions that might lead to new outcomes for him, and three of the women had messaged back. He was, after all, not a bad looking man, handsome even, although it had been a long time since anyone had told him that. And so it would not have occurred to him that he was handsome, and this in many ways made him even more handsome.
Frances and he agreed to meet for lunch near the high school. This was close enough to her antique store that she could walk, and so the whole thing didn’t feel to either of them like much of a commitment of time. “So,” he said, once they had sat down with their food. “So,” she agreed, and for an awful moment it seemed like it would hang there in uncomfortable silence, and a bad date best forgotten. But then he asked about antiques, because he himself had an interest in old football trophies. And he agreed that might seem a bit weird, but the thing was that their designs were often fascinating. Never having been meant to stand up under scrutiny, crudely carved players, hands like dinner rolls, feet disappearing into the base of the trophy. And this turned into a discussion of all the many old items that would never be valuable from the viewpoint of capitalism, but were more interesting than the ones that were valuable. From this, the conversation spread out into her fascination with time. And then time itself, and their childhoods, and how it was hard sometimes to remember that they themselves were adults. And in Nazr’s case, older than his parents ever lived to be.
On returning to work, Nazr started the afternoon football practice as usual. And as usual, threw himself into the rhythm of drills, spells and counter-spells that make up any football skirmish. But he found, for the first time in his life, that he couldn’t make himself fully focus. There was a part of him still thinking about the lunch, about the way her hands had looked tapping on the table. About the way she talked about time as it were not an implacable force, but an old and fallible friend. He had to continually draw himself back intro practice, and the players wondered if he perhaps was sick.
Frances stood at the window of her antique shop watching the planes fly overhead. When a person entered the shop, she would acknowledge them vaguely with a nod, and then acknowledge them vaguely with a nod again when they left. But otherwise, she kept her eyes on the window. Something in her chest felt tight, but also less heavy. She was both scared and happy, and she wasn’t sure why she was either of those. When later they both messaged and decided to go on a second date, an evening date at a nice restaurant, something with a bit more commitment behind it, neither of them connected it directly to the way they felt after their lunch together. But both of them could not contain their impatience, and had messaged that very evening. Both at exactly 10:55 PM.
Let’s have a look at that weather.
["Riches and Wonders" by Eliza Rickman & Jherek Bischoff]
There was a second date. And that night, she went with him back to his house. Then a third date, when they went to her house. Then a few more dates where they sometimes went to one of their houses and sometimes just kissed, wild with the feeling of it. Out in the park lot of whatever restaurant or bar they had met at, before saying good night because they had to work in the morning, and they were adults who sometimes had control of themselves.
This was not one of those nights, though. This was a night that she was in his bed and he was asleep. This was a little over a month after their first date. As she lay sleepy and happy, she watched the TV, which was tinting the darkness a soft fickering blue. It was an old episode of “Friends”, in which Joey rolls limply and slowly, over the course of 21 minutes, across the apartment while out of focus in the background, Phoebe searches desperately through every cabinet and screams. Frances had seen the episode too many times to laugh out loud at, but still it felt comforting to watch, like sitting in a room that she liked. The episode had become a place she could go, rather than a story to follow.
There was a commercial break and a PSA from the Secret Police came on, featuring the adorable cartoon spokesdog, Barks Ennui. He capered about, pointing out all the different ways one could break the law in Night Vale and get sentenced to a forever term in the abandoned mine shaft outside of town. She found herself grinning at his bad puns in the section about reporting on your neighbors: “Traitorous activities can be ruff! Go fetch us their deepest secrets!” And then Barks said her name. His cartoon canine face turned directly to the screen and he said, “Frances.” She didn’t know how to respond. A commercial had never spoken to her, and certainly it had never done what Barks did next, which was to step out of the TV screen in a clumsy flopping movement and then sit up, a two-dimensional flickering cartoon dog standing in the bedroom.
“Frances,” Barks said. “You aren’t supposed to be here. This doesn’t belong to you.” He cocked his animated head, the wall of Nazr’s apartment vaguely visible through him, as though through heavy fog. As his head turned, it sagged in the direction of the ground, stretching and distorting his cartoon puppy face until it was a series of drooping ovals. When he spoke again, his voice sounded stretched too. “You will have to make this right, Frances!” he garbled. [muddled] “You will have to make this right!”
She screamed. Nothing happened. She screamed.
Stay tuned next, just – stay tuned. Next.
Good night, Night Vale, Good night.
Today’s proverb: Welcome to 2018. The year we finally do it. The year we eat the sun.
#welcome to night vale#wtnv#wtnv transcripts#a story of love and horror#a story of love and horror part 1#barks
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The funniest video game I have ever played
In 2014, Jon purchased a video game and played it for 26 brutal, terrifying minutes. They have stuck with him ever since.
In August of 2014, I downloaded a computer game called Rust and played it for 26 minutes. That would be the first and only time I ever played it. It is the funniest video game I have ever played in my life.
I’m happy they tracked this. Steam is sort of the traveling bard of my gaming career, faithfully wandering from computer to computer since 2004. It lived within them all, including the desktop PC so hideous that multiple burglars, in the process of lifting whatever they could grab from my apartment, clearly took one glance and correctly identified it as trash. The tower was permanently missing its cover, because every time I had to restart the machine, I first had to dig into the motherboard to remove the little plastic CMOS jumper for a moment and stick it back in. This sounds like a lie but isn’t: upon pulling out the jumper, I had to wait and listen for the motherboard to make a little squeak before replacing it. Otherwise, the computer wouldn’t start. Steam was there for that, and Steam is there today on my work computer, patiently enduring uninstallations and reinstallations whenever I frantically clear hard drive space to make space for an exporting video project.
It’s logged the hundreds upon hundreds of hours I’ve buried into games like Civilization and RimWorld. But most importantly, it noted the 26 minutes I spent in the world of Rust.
This isn’t a review of Rust. I have no idea whether this game is good or bad. I wholeheartedly agree with every opinion of it that anyone has ever had, even if those opinions directly conflict with one another. Continuing.
Conceptually, the game certainly seemed fun enough to try. It’s a first-person, open-world, massively-multiplayer survival game that drops you in the middle of nowhere with nothing but a rock and a torch. From there, to hear others tell it, you can build structures, craft advanced tools, form alliances, and generally make something of yourself. I wouldn’t know.
My experience with this game was a special one, because at the time, Rust was branded as “early access” or something similar. The developers clearly spelled out on their Steam page that, look, this was not yet a finished product. Bugs may happen, gameplay imbalances will abound, and you should know what you’re in for.
I paid $20, and in the subsequent 26 minutes, I played three times. I will recollect them here to the best of my ability. It’s been six years, so if you’re familiar with this game and something strikes you as inaccurate or impossible, my mistake.
The first time, I find myself in the woods somewhere, apparently naked. I take stock of the only wealth I have to my name: the torch, which seems useless in broad daylight, and a big rock. I have to hold the rock with both hands. I can only hoist it over my head and violently swing it forward.
I wander around in the woods for a couple minutes, completely unsure of what I want to do, or whether there’s any sort of objective I’m expected to complete. This early-access version of Rust offers nothing in the way of explanation or context, which in retrospect I will come to appreciate as a masterstroke.
So I’m just bumbling around in the woods like that, a probably-naked guy marching to nowhere while heaving a giant rock forward over and over, carrying on as God’s own fool. Heave-ho! Having the time of my life!
I am encountered by a wolf, who attacks me. I try to swing my rock in self-defense to no avail and I am brutally mauled. Since the game is in first person, I can’t know that I’m torn limb from limb, but I remember seeing fountains of blood and it certainly feels that way. I am dead.
The second time, I’m dropped into more or less the same situation. This time I run around brandishing the rock, but not swinging it, instead dutifully holding it aloft like I’m trying to show it the world. I’ve resolved that this time will be different. I am now aware of the dangers of this realm.
This rock is surely more than a weapon. It’s a tool. I can probably use it to chop down a tree, or at least break down a fallen log or something. To what end, I’m not sure. But I might die soon, and I’d love to leave something more for this world to remember me by than my sun-bleached bones.
I can’t remember whether I actually chop down a tree. At any rate, I am very quickly visited by another wolf.
This time, I try to run away, still ineffectually swinging my rock forward as I do. I don’t know why I do that.
There’s a wordless, deranged comedy to video games. They produce sights that are so clumsy, thoughtless, and bizarre that no one alive could ever tell a joke so funny, like this one: a terrified man deliriously flinging a rock over his head, dick whipping sideways like the Wheel of Fortune needle as he gallops away from certain doom. I’m afraid I’m unable to sufficiently describe how funny this is. I am once again devoured alive.
I’ve probably played for 18 to 20 minutes by this point. I’m not so sure I want to play this anymore. A learning curve is to be expected, but how much more of this will I have to endure before I can count a single accomplishment? So far, I can claim ownership of absolutely none of this experience. The game has been the player. I’m only the food.
I find that buying games I don’t enjoy is just the cost of doing business. If I buy three games, barely play two of them, but have a great time with the third, all three were worth it. This was a worthwhile experiment. I should count the $20 I spent on this game as a sunk cost and move on with my life.
What the hell. One more try.
The third time, I wander around some more, but this time in a straight line. I need to get somewhere. Miraculously, there are no more wolves. I guess I fed them already.
After some marching, I pass through the tree line and enter a clearing. I see a wooden fence, the first evidence of civilization I’ve come across. Beyond it, to my delight, is a log cabin.
Again, this is a massively-multiplayer online game. It’s a shared world. It seems likely that another player actually built this. As I run closer, I notice that it seems pretty well-constructed. Maybe I could build something like this myself! Maybe I could find an ax somewhere, or use this rock to sharpen a tool of my own. Maybe if I get good enough, and put in enough time, I can enjoy the satisfaction of maintaining a little home in this world.
Out back, behind the cabin, there is a man. He’s an old man with a beard, shirtless and sinewy, wearing only a crude loincloth. I know enough to know that this man is not a game-generated AI. He’s a real person somewhere out there.
And for whatever reason, at this moment I find him bashing the shit out of a tree stump with a rock that looks a lot like my rock. Maybe we can be pals and talk about rocks! I wish I could remember whether he’s splitting a piece of wood, or if this is simply his idea of a good time. In either case, he’s just goin’ to town, man, as though he was born to do it.
He doesn’t notice me at first. I decide to come closer. Hell, I don’t know. How do people communicate in this game? Maybe if I walk up to him, a chat box will open and I can actually type something? Or do you make buddies in this game by kinda wordlessly pantomiming that you’re a friend, that you want what’s best for you and for him? Either way, it could be interesting. More importantly, I need a friend. I need a bit of light in this world. It’s been terrible for me.
As I walk closer, he spots me, and I’ll tell you, there’s a lot of “sir, you’re not supposed to be here” body language you can communicate by simply moving forward a few steps and menacing someone with a large stone. He swings it forward, as crudely and robotically as I do when I swing my rock. I am not welcome here.
I glance at him, then the log cabin, then back at him, and I believe I have identified a crime. One would expect that a cabin built with such skill and care was the work of a true craftsman. A veteran player of this game, a player who knew how to fashion some sort of axe, chop some trees, and cut them just so. Perhaps this game doesn’t work like that, and you can simply manifest a nice little log cabin once you reach Level 19 or something. At any rate, he’s a shirtless, stupid, rock-hucking dirtbag just like me. I definitely could not have built this house.
This is not his house.
Someone else built this house and died at his hand. This man is a fraud and a murderer. But where else am I supposed to go? Back in the woods to be eaten again? At least this is a human being at the end of the line. His name is Josh, I bet. He’s in Wisconsin and he’s wearing a polo shirt and this prehistoric thug isn’t who he truly is. He’ll be receptive if I can just communicate to him that I’m approaching in peace.
I step forward again, his warning expires, and he charges me. My last remaining idea is to hold still and keep my rock still. If I don’t attack or resist, he’ll have to kill me in cold blood.
Polo Josh bludgeons me, over and over, as I imagine Cain slew Abel. He kills me seven or eight times’ worth. I exit the game and never return.
This game set forth no objectives for me. It wanted only to eat me. It asked of me what I ask of my breakfast. In this sense, it wasn’t much of a game at all. And even when I met another human being, that person was every bit as brutal.
I paid 20 dollars for the most bewildering 26 minutes a video game has ever given me, and I wouldn’t ask for a minute more or a penny back. It was perfect. I will never play it again.
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THE PROPHECY OF DANIEL - From The Douay-Rheims Bible - Latin Vulgate
Chapter 10
INTRODUCTION.
DANIEL, whose name signifies "the judgment of God," was of the royal blood of the kings of Juda, and one of those that were first of all carried away into captivity. He was so renowned for his wisdom and knowledge, that it became a proverb among the Babylonians, "as wise as Daniel;" (Ezech. xxviii. 3.) and his holiness was so great from his very childhood, that at the time when he was as yet but a young man, he is joined by the Spirit of God with Noe and Job, as three persons most eminent for virtue and sanctity. Ezech. xiv. He is not commonly numbered by the Hebrews among the prophets, because he lived at court, and in high station in the world: but if we consider his many clear predictions of things to come, we shall find that no one better deserves the name and title of a prophet; which also has been given him by the Son of God himself. Mat. xxiv. Mark xiii. Luke xxi.) Ch. --- The ancient Jews ranked him among the greatest prophets. Jos. Ant. x. 12. and 1 Mac. ii. 59. Those who came after Christ began to make frivolous exceptions, because he so clearly pointed out the coming of our Saviour, (Theod.) that Porphyrius has no other method of evading this authority except by saying, that the book was written under Epiphanes after the event of many of the predictions. S. Jer. --- But this assertion is contrary to all antiquity. Some parts have indeed been questioned, which are found only in Greek. They must, however, have sometime existed in Heb. or Chal. else how should we have the version of Theodotion, which the Church has substituted instead of the Sept. as that copy was become very incorrect, and is now lost? C. --- Some hopes of its recovery are nevertheless entertained; and its publication, at Rome, has been announced. Kennicott. --- In a title, it seems to make the Daniel visited by Habacuc, a priest; but it is abandoned. C. --- This version of course proves that the original was formerly known; and the loss of it, at present, is no more decisive against the authenticity of these pieces, that that of S. Matthew's Heb. original, and of the Chaldee of Judith, &c. will evince that their works are spurious. H. ---Extracts of (C.) Aquila and Sym. seen by S. Jerom, (W.) are also given in the Hexapla. Origen has answered the objections of Africanus, respecting the history of Susanna; and his arguments are equally cogent, when applied to the other contested works. The Jews and Christians were formerly both divided in their sentiments about these pieces. C. See S. Jer. in Jer. xxix. 12. and xxxii. 44. --- But now as the Church (the pillar of truth) has spoken, all farther controversy ought to cease; (H.) and we should follow the precept, Remove not the landmarks which thy fathers have placed. Deut. xix. 14. See N. Alex. t. ii. S. Jerom, who sometimes calls these pieces "fables," explains himself, by observing, that he had delivered "not his own sentiments," but those of the Jews: quid illi contra nos dicere soleant. C. --- If he really denied their authority, his opinion ought not to outweigh that of so many other (H.) Fathers and Councils who receive them. They admit all the parts, as the Council of Trent expressly requires us to do. See S. Cyp. &c. also the observations prefixed to Tobias, (W.) and p. 597. H. --- Paine remarks that Daniel and Ezechiel only pretended to have visions, and carried on an enigmatical correspondence relative to the recovery of their country. But this deserves no refutation. By allowing that their works are genuine, he cuts up the very root of his performance. Watson. --- Daniel, according to Sir Is. Newton, resembles the Apoc. (as both bring us to the end of the Roman empire) and is "the most distinct in order of time, and easiest to be understood; and therefore, in those things that relate to the last times, he must be made a key to the rest." Bp. Newton. --- Yet there are many difficulties which require a knowledge of history; (S. Jer. W.) and we must reflect on the words of Christ, He that readeth, let him understand. Mat. xxiv. 15. Daniel (H.) is supposed to have died at court, (C.) aged 110, having written many things of Christ. W. --- His name is not prefixed to his book, yet as Prideaux observes, he sufficiently shews himself in the sequel to be the author. H.
The additional Notes in this Edition of the New Testament will be marked with the letter A. Such as are taken from various Interpreters and Commentators, will be marked as in the Old Testament. B. Bristow, C. Calmet, Ch. Challoner, D. Du Hamel, E. Estius, J. Jansenius, M. Menochius, Po. Polus, P. Pastorini, T. Tirinus, V. Bible de Vence, W. Worthington, Wi. Witham. — The names of other authors, who may be occasionally consulted, will be given at full length.
Verses are in English and Latin.
HAYDOCK CATHOLIC BIBLE COMMENTARY
This Catholic commentary on the Old Testament, following the Douay-Rheims Bible text, was originally compiled by Catholic priest and biblical scholar Rev. George Leo Haydock (1774-1849). This transcription is based on Haydock's notes as they appear in the 1859 edition of Haydock's Catholic Family Bible and Commentary printed by Edward Dunigan and Brother, New York, New York.
Chapter 10
Daniel having humbled himself by fasting and penance seeth a vision, with which he is much terrified; but he is comforted by an angel.
[1] In the third year of Cyrus king of the Persians, a word was revealed to Daniel surnamed Baltassar, and a true word, and great strength: and he understood the word: for there is need of understanding in a vision.
Anno tertio Cyri regis Persarum, verbum revelatum est Danieli cognomento Baltassar, et verbum verum, et fortitudo magna : intellexitque sermonem : intelligentia enim est opus in visione.
[2] In those days I Daniel mourned the days of three weeks.
In diebus illis ego Daniel lugebam trium hebdomadarum diebus :
[3] I ate no desirable bread, and neither flesh, nor wine entered into my mouth, neither was I anointed with ointment: till the days of three weeks were accomplished.
panem desiderabilem non comedi, et caro et vinum non introierunt in os meum, sed neque unguento unctus sum, donec complerentur trium hebdomadarum dies.
[4] And in the four and twentieth day of the first month I was by the great river which is the Tigris.
Die autem vigesima et quarta mensis primi, eram juxta fluvium magnum, qui est Tigris.
[5] And I lifted up my eyes, and I saw: and behold a man clothed in linen, and his loins were girded with the finest gold:
Et levavi oculos meos, et vidi : et ecce vir unus vestitus lineis, et renes ejus accincti auro obrizo :
[6] And his body was like the chrysolite, and his face as the appearance of lightning, and his eyes as a burning lamp: and his arms, and all downward even to the feet, like in appearance to glittering brass: and the voice of his word like the voice of a multitude.
et corpus ejus quasi chrysolithus, et facies ejus velut species fulguris, et oculi ejus ut lampas ardens : et brachia ejus, et quae deorsum sunt usque ad pedes, quasi species aeris candentis : et vox sermonum ejus ut vox multitudinis.
[7] And I Daniel alone saw the vision: for the men that were with me saw it not: but an exceeding great terror fell upon them, and they fled away, and hid themselves.
Vidi autem ego Daniel solus visionem : porro viri qui erant mecum non viderunt, sed terror nimius irruit super eos, et fugerunt in absconditum.
[8] And I being left alone saw this great vision: and there remained no strength in me, and the appearance of my countenance was changed in me, and I fainted away, and retained no strength.
Ego autem relictus solus vidi visionem grandem hanc : et non remansit in me fortitudo, sed et species mea immutata est in me, et emarcui, nec habui quidquam virium.
[9] And I heard the voice of his words: and when I heard, I lay in a consternation, upon my face, and my face was close to the ground.
Et audivi vocem sermonum ejus : et audiens jacebam consternatus super faciem meam, et vultus meus haerebat terrae.
[10] And behold a hand touched me, and lifted me up upon my knees, and upon the joints of my hands.
Et ecce manus tetigit me, et erexit me super genua mea, et super articulos manuum mearum.
[11] And he said to me: Daniel, thou man of desires, understand the words that I speak to thee, and stand upright: for I am sent now to thee. And when he had said this word to me, I stood trembling.
Et dixit ad me : Daniel vir desideriorum, intellige verba quae ego loquor ad te, et sta in gradu tuo : nunc enim sum missus ad te. Cumque dixisset mihi sermonem istum, steti tremens.
[12] And he said to me: Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thy heart to understand, to afflict thyself in the sight of thy God, thy words have been heard: and I am come for thy words.
Et ait ad me : Noli metuere, Daniel : quia ex die primo, quo posuisti cor tuum ad intelligendum ut te affligeres in conspectu Dei tui, exaudita sunt verba tua : et ego veni propter sermones tuos.
[13] But the prince of the kingdom of the Persians resisted me one and twenty days: and behold Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, and I remained there by the king of the Persians.
Princeps autem regni Persarum restitit mihi viginti et uno diebus : et ecce Michael, unus de principibus primis, venit in adjutorium meum, et ego remansi ibi juxta regem Persarum.
[14] But I am come to teach thee what things shall befall thy people in the latter days, for as yet the vision is for days.
Veni autem ut docerem te quae ventura sunt populo tuo in novissimis diebus, quoniam adhuc visio in dies.
[15] And when he was speaking such words to me, I cast down my countenance to the ground, and held my peace.
Cumque loqueretur mihi hujuscemodi verbis, dejeci vultum meum ad terram, et tacui.
[16] And behold, as it were the likeness of a son of man touched my lips: then I opened my mouth, and spoke, and said to him that stood before me: O my Lord, at the sight of thee my joints are loosed, and no strength hath remained in me.
Et ecce quasi similitudo filii hominis tetigit labia mea : et aperiens os meum locutus sum, et dixi ad eum, qui stabat contra me : Domine mi, in visione tua dissolutae sunt compages meae, et nihil in me remansit virium.
[17] And how can the servant of my lord speak with my lord? for no strength remaineth in me, moreover my breath is stopped.
Et quomodo poterit servus domini mei loqui cum domino meo? nihil enim in me remansit virium, sed et halitus meus intercluditur.
[18] Therefore he that looked like a man touched me again, and strengthened me.
Rursum ergo tetigit me quasi visio hominis, et confortavit me,
[19] And he said: Fear not, O man of desires, peace be to thee: take courage and be strong. And when he spoke to me, I grew strong: and I said: Speak, O my lord, for thou hast strengthened me.
et dixit : Noli timere, vir desideriorum : pax tibi : confortare, et esto robustus. Cumque loqueretur mecum, convalui, et dixi : Loquere, domine mi, quia confortasti me.
[20] And he said: Dost thou know wherefore I am come to thee? and now I will return, to fight against the prince of the Persians. When I went forth, there appeared the prince of the Greeks coming.
Et ait : Numquid scis quare venerim ad te? et nunc revertar ut praelier adversum principem Persarum. Cum ego egrederer, apparuit princeps Graecorum veniens.
[21] But I will tell thee what is set down in the scripture of truth: and none is my helper in all these things, but Michael your prince.
Verumtamen annuntiabo tibi quod expressum est in scriptura veritatis : et nemo est adjutor meus in omnibus his, nisi Michael princeps vester.
Commentary:
Ver. 1. Third. This concurs with the first of Darius. Cyrus then reigned in Persia, and the king is here often mentioned, as the vision happened near it, on the banks of the Tigris. Only twenty-one days had elapsed since the former. --- Strength. Heb. "warfare," or determinate time. Job vii. 1. This shall surely take place, but not soon. C. --- For. Prot. "and had understanding," &c. H. --- He was informed of the meaning, or strove to know what the preceding vision denoted. C. --- Pharao and Baltassar were not prophets, as they did not comprehend what they saw. For understanding is requisite, in order that a vision may be prophetical. S. Tho. ii. 2. q. 175 a. 2. W.
Ver. 2. Weeks. Marsham says twenty-one years. But it means only so many days. He began to mourn on the third of Nisan, and continued fasting (v. 4) it seems even on the sabbaths, and on the feast of Passover, till the 24th. C. --- He was grieved that the people did not make use of the leave granted by Cyrus; (Theod.) or because the Samaritans had prevailed at court to have the temple forbidden; (Usher, A. 3470, and 1 Esd. i. 14.) or rather because he could not fully understand the former visions. C. ix. 30. and xii. 9. &c. C.
Ver. 5. Linen. Heb. baddim. --- Finest. Heb. uphaz, (H.) from Phasis or Ophir.
Ver. 6. Chrysolite. Heb. "Tharsis." This precious stone was perhaps greenish.
Ver. 10. Hand; the Holy Ghost, or rather the angel Gabriel.
Ver. 11. Desires most amiable. C. --- This new title is given to comfort the prophet. W.
Ver. 13. The prince, &c. That is, the angel guardian of Persia: who, according to his office, seeking the spiritual good of the Persians, was desirous that many of the Jews should remain among them. Ch. --- S. Jerom, &c. explain it of the angel guardian. W. --- Each country has an archangel over it, as individuals have an angel. Others assert that this was an evil angel; for how could a good one oppose so long the will of God? Yet this argument may be retorted, as evil spirits themselves must comply. It seems, therefore, that Cyrus was exhorted by the good angels to invade the Chaldeans, and thus to liberate God's people. He was afraid of the hazardous attempt, and free-will may resist the inspirations of God. --- One, or "prince." C. --- Michael, and the guardian of Daniel, joined their prayers for the liberation of the Jews. v. 20. W.
Ver. 14. Days. It will not soon take place; or, I have many things to tell.
Ver. 20. To thee? He awakens his attention (v. 14. C.) and gratitude. H. --- Prince, angel guardian; or Alexander, who would one day rout the Persians. C. xi. 2. C.
Ver. 21. Of truth, in the former sealed visions. C. - Your prince. The guardian general of the Church of God, (Ch.) as he was of the synagogue. C.
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The Top 100 Movies of the 1980s
Ah, the 80s. In terms of art, they were a time of boundless creativity, where it seemed like artists would put any crazy idea out there just to see what stuck. As a result, we got lots of crap... but we also got a whole lot of awesome, memorable, and iconic movies.
This was the decade where fantasy really got big, with unique fantasy films coming out all the time. Sci-fi and horror as well had a good decade, with the latter genre churning out all manner of quirky slasher films in which supernatural madmen killed. Stephen King movies had a good run as well, kicking off the decade with The Shining and getting some other good to great movies along the way. Animation produced a lot of quirky, niche films that only later found the devoted audiences they deserved, but it also put out the film that would launch an animated Renaissance in the next decade. And of course, the 80s truly belonged to one man: Arnold Schwarzenegger, who put out everything from action classics to hilarious comedies to cult classic films.
But that’s enough history; let’s get right on in to the list:
100. Heavy Metal
1981
Sci-fi, fantasy, horror, titties, sex, and awesome music all come together in this fascinating cult classic that loosely strings together a bunch of vignettes that exist solely to show off badass, mindlessly awesome sci-fi and fantasy adventures. It’s one of the most awesome and underrated animated films ever made for sure.
99. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banazai Across the 8th Dimension
1984
One of the strangest films ever, this one is especially notable for having a surprisingly star-studded cast which includes Peter Wellers, Christopher Lloyd, John Lithgow, Jeff Goldblum, and Clancy Brown. It’s a pretty fun sci-fi story too, that asks the REAL questions, like… what’s that watermelon over there for?
98. The Toxic Avenger
1984
Did Troma realize what they were unleashing upon the world when they made this? This epic, trashy revenge film about a janitor dipped in toxic waste due to a mean prank cleaning up crime in his shithole of a town is as awesomely ridiculous as the title implies.
97. The Living Daylights
1987
And they say there were no good Bond films in the 80s! Timothy Dalton’s first outing is rather excellent, and features an awesome scene in which the villain Necros disguised as a milkman lays waste to a house. License to Kill was great too, but this one just has a bit of an edge, mostly thanks to a-Ha’s awesome theme song.
96. The Great Mouse Detective
1986
Disney released a Sherlock Holmes-esque film with mice, and it is perhaps one of their most underrated classics. Aside from the excellent Holmesian mystery story, you have an incredibly risque song number from a stripper mouse and Vincent Price devouring the scenery as an incredibly hammy villain. What’s not to love here?
95. The Dark Crystal
1982
One of the boldest, most daring fantasy films of the 80s, this is some of Jim Henson’s finest work, no doubt. The story may be cliché, but the excellent worldbuilding, puppets, and overall design of everything more than makes up for the flaws.
94. The Return of the Living Dead
1985
Horror and comedy come together in this homage to Romero’s zombie films. Not only does this movie feature the iconic zombie Tarman, it is also responsible for popularizing zombies craving brains in pop culture. Zombie cinema owes this movie quite a debt of gratitude.
93. Fatal Attraction
1987
Some parts of this movie have not aged particularly well, particularly that slasher film-esque ending… the rest of it though? Still excellent, gripping, and dark. Alex Forrest is a disturbing villain for the ages, a woman scorned who takes her vengeance much, MUCH too far.
92. They Live!
1988
This film is a brilliant satire of Reagonomics featuring one of the greatest fistfight brawls in cinematic history, and yet it will always be known best for that one, single line: “I am here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubblegum.” And you know what? That’s ok.
91. The Lost Boys
1987
80s vampire movies don’t get much better than this one, one of the rare well-received films by Joel Schumacher. It has the style, the fashion, the Coreys! It’s the peak of 80s vampirism for sure.
90. Mystics in Bali
1981
This film is incredibly, insanely awesome, a complete and utter mindfuck. It’s basically what happens if you made a kung-fu movie except you replaced the kung-fu with witches and vampiric flying heads whose entrails dangle out their neck hole. This is one of the most batshit movies ever made, and deserves more respect.
89. Dirty Dancing
1987
I’d be remiss to not mention Baby and how no one should put her in a corner, but this movie has more going for it than just that, like an excellent soundtrack and an incredibly dreamy Patrick Swayze. Sure it’s a bit cheesy, but it really just adds to the charm of the film.
88. Twins
1988
Whoever would have guessed that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito would have such excellent onscreen comedic chemistry? More importantly, who could have ever guessed that they could convincingly and endearingly play twins?! Arnold and Danny made quite a few films together, but this one is definitely the best of the bunch, and easily one of Arnold’s best comedy outings.
87. The Adventures of Mark Twain
1985
This is a pretty dark story for a family film, what with it essentially being a man’s journey to commit suicide (that man being Mark Twain). Interspersed with vignette adaptations of his stories, including a scene based off of The Mysterious Stranger that is easily one of the most unsettling sequences of animation ever created, this is an underrated masterpiece.
86. Commando
1985
Somehow, some way, they managed to make an action movie that distilled everything amazing about Arnold Schwarzenegger action films together into one movie. It has one-liners, it has brutal kills, it has Arnold singlehandedly slaughtering his way through armies of goons, it has dozens of lines you can quote… this is a love letter to Arnold movies, starring the man himself.
85. The Last Dragon
1985
Blaxploitation and kung-fu go together like peanut butter and jelly; throw in some weird hokey mysticism and a gargantuan portion of cheese, and you have a cult classic on your hands. Throw in a villain as awesome and memorable as Sho’Nuff, and you have a gem for the ages.
84. UHF
1989
Weird Al only ever starred in one movie, but boy did he make that one movie count. This film is an excellent showcase of his odd, wacky sense of humor, and even then it still has a solid story to carry the jokes along.
83. Creepshow
1982
Horror legends Stephen King and George Romero teamed up with special effects wiz Tom Savini and paid tribute to old school horror comics of the 50s with this masterful string of short stories. Standouts include Something to Tide You Over featuring a shockingly terrifying turn by Leslie Neilsen, The Lonesome Death of Jody Verrill which has Stephen King himself in the titular role, and best of all The Crate, which is about the titular object… or, well, what’s inside it. All this adds together to make the best horror anthology film ever made.
82. Killer Klowns from Outer Space
1988
Step aside, Pennywise! Here comes a whole gang of man-eating clowns from the stars! In an homage to B-grade monster movies of the past, particularly The Blob, at that! Keeping the spirit of the old-school monster movie alive is an easy way to win me over, and doing it with tongue firmly in cheek? Well, that’s just icing on the cake!
81. Bad Taste
1987
Peter Jackson’s early work all truly lives up to the title of this film, but this one takes the cake, or perhaps the barfed-up bowl of goo. With all the gore and nastiness, this is one of the trashiest, most awesome sci-fi films ever inflicted upon this Earth.
80. The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
1988
Terry Gilliam’s charming flight of fancy is just as creative as his other 80s works, and honestly? It’s probably my personal favorite. Where else can you see an uncredited Robin Williams as king of the moon, or a young Uma Thurman as Aphrodite herself? Or the Grim Reaper in what might be its most horrifying cinematic interpretation ever?
79. The Land Before Time
1988
You wouldn’t think a film about dinosaur children journeying across the land could be so dark and gripping, but, well, here we are. This is one of the strangest coming-of-age films ever made… and also one of the best.
78. The Running Man
1987
Yet another Arnold classic, this one actually tackles some deeper themes beneath the cheesy 80s action, such as the glorification of violence in media and how the media loves to distort and twist the truth. This was years before reality TV mind you, and yet it was disturbingly accurate. And they say Arnold’s movies can’t be deep!
77. Clue
1985
Anyone who tells you “X is a stupid idea for a movie, it could never work!” is a fucking idiot, because in 1985 they managed to make an excellent screwball comedic mystery out of a popular board game… and it was magnificent! Getting folks like Madeline Kahn, Tim Curry, and Christopher Lloyd involved definitely helped.
76. Lethal Weapon
1987
I think it’s safe to say nearly every buddy cop movie after this one took a page from its book. This is a hugely influential movie, and thankfully it’s really damn good even looking back, giving us one of Mel Gibson’s best performances ever.
75. Christine
1983
What can I say? I love movies about killer cars. John Carpenter did a really good job at making the titular car as badass and menacing as possible, and it stands tall as one of the best films based off of Stephen King’s work.
74. The Brave Little Toaster
1987
Long before Toy Story 3, there was this film, which has a very similar plot, right down to the ending (which is no surprise as many people who worked on this went on to Pixar). With a charming and likable cast and several scenes that range from amusingly strange to nightmarishly memorable, this is one hell of a family film.
73. The Dead Zone
1983
Christopher Walken stars in this supernatural thriller based on a work by Stephen King, proving the 80s were probably one of the best times to be a Stephen King adaptation, because damn this is one hell of a film. Christopher Walken and Martin Sheen turn in fantastic performances in this one, highlights of their careers even.
72. The Untouchables
1987
While it is a somewhat fictionalized and dramatized account, there is no denying Brian De Palma managed to make the tale of Al Capone’s takedown as stylish and cool as you’d hope the story of the legendary gangster’s defeat would be.
71. The Killer
1989
This is without a doubt one of the finest films John Woo ever made. The action is incredible, the story is incredible, and it all culminates in a shootout at (where else?) a church. This is pure, classic, undiluted Woo right here.
70. Beetlejuice
1988
Michael Keaton portrays the ghost with the most, the titular spirit, with so much personality that it makes it nearly impossible to hate this film. It does help the other main characters have a lot of heart and charm to counteract his hilariously douchey antics, though.
69. Re-Animator
1985
Sci-fi and zombies collide in this H. P. Lovecraft adaptation. Jeffery Combs really makes the movie with his stellar performance as Herbert West. This is also probably the only movie where you can see a severed head try and perform cunnilingus on a young woman, so there’s that too.
68. The Name of the Rose
1986
What a strange concept: a detective story, except with a friar doing the investigating in an abbey in the Middle Ages. And yet, it somehow works really well, not in the least bit due to Sean Connery’s excellent performance.
67. Pumpkinhead
1988
One of the best overlooked horror films of the 80s, this is a rather unique demonic horror film. Lance Henriksen turns in a wonderful performance, but the real star here is special effects legend Stan Winston’s awesome creation, the titular monster. This is one hell of a directorial debut, I gotta say.
66. Caddyshack
1980
This is easily one of the best sports films and one of the funniest comedies ever made. Comedy legends like Chevy Chase and Bill Murray turn in excellent and hilarious performances, but as I’m sure you know it’s Rodney Dangerfield who’s busting everyone’s guts with his antics.
65. An American Werewolf in London
1981
This movie is pretty good as a horror film with comedic elements, but there’s no doubt it is most notable for the incredible special effects work from Rick Baker. And if that doesn’t tell you enough about this movie’s quality, Michael Jackson specifically sought out director John Landis and Baker to help him make the music video for “Thriller” solely because of this film.
64. Blow Out
1981
John Travolta stars in this fascinating thriller about a movie sound recordist who accidentally picks up proof that a supposed accident is murder while recording sounds. Dark, gritty, and as thrilling as a good thriller should be, this is one of Travolta’s and director Brian De Palma’s best films, hands down.
63. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
1986
Damn, how is this perennial classic about the ultimate lovable slacker so low? Well, mostly because I kinda find Ferris to be a manipulative douchebag who manages to get away with everything by taking advantage of the good graces of others. But do my feelings toward the titular character change the fact this is a charming work of 80s genius? Nope!
62. The NeverEnding Story
1984
The 80s were a wonderful time for unique and creative fantasy films, and not many were as creative as this one, which has impressive puppet work, incredible designs for the sets and strange beings that populated the world, and a somewhat cheesy but charming and exciting story populated with likable characters.
61. Big
1988
This is a movie that just oozes charm. Part of it is due to it being one of the most lowkey fantasy films of the 80s; the other part comes with it being a unique take on the coming-of-age story. But let’s be honest: most of it comes from the living embodiment of charm himself, Tom Hanks.
60. Return to Oz
1985
This movie has a lot going against it, seeing as it’s something of a sequel to a beloved classic. But instead of going for the colorful and cheerful route of the original (with moments of darkness) this movie goes in the opposite route, with moments of cheerful quirkiness surrounded by some truly unnerving and dark content, such as a witch who steals people’s heads. In all honesty, this makes the film, in a lot of ways, better than The Wizard of Oz.
59. Stand By Me
1986
Many see this as one of the greatest coming-of-age films, and one of the greatest Stephen King movies ever made. And on both fronts, it’s easy to agree. Four boys walking down the train tracks together… is there a more iconic image in the history of coming-of-age films?
58. Ladyhawke
1988
A forgotten fantasy masterpiece of the late 80s, it features Rutger Hauer and Michelle Pfeiffer as star-crossed lovers, with Hauer turning to a wolf by night and Pfeiffer becoming a hawk by day. This is a creative and unique fantasy romance that definitely deserves more exposure than it got.
57. Willow
1988
What if George Lucas made Lord of the Rings? You’d probably get something like this, which features a story written by him, a story which despite the 80s fantasy cheesiness resonates with all the charm of the early Star Wars films and even featuring one of the franchise’s stars – Warwick Davis, AKA Wicket the Ewok.
56. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
1989
While it is something of a formulaic Indy film, it’s also the single best sequel of the series. Who isn’t a sucker for Arthurian legend, Christian mythology, and Sean Connery fighting Nazis? People you don’t want to spend time around, that’s who.
55. Brazil
1985
This is Terry Gilliam’s magnum opus, a sci-fi masterpiece with a similar dystopia to 1984. The difference here is that there’s a bit more dark comedy – not surprising since Gilliam is a Monty Python alum. Despite being fucked up by executive meddling originally, these days it has become hailed as one of the greatest sci-fi films of all time and a cult classic for the ages. Hard to disagree with that.
54. The Karate Kid
1984
Of course this would be on here. This is one of those beloved classics that has to be on every great 80s film list, in no small part due to Pat Morita’s Mr. Miyagi and the epic motivational jam “You’re the Best.”
53. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!
1988
From the hilarious opening and the creative opening credits to Leslie Neilsen’s hilariously deadpan performance to all the clever jokes, slapstick, and visual gags, this is one of the funniest works in Neilsen’s career, and even in cinema as a whole.
52. The Little Mermaid
1989
Disney was in a dark, troubled time in the 80s… and then this film came along and kickstarted their 90s Renaissance era with a bang. Unforgettable songs, an entertaining villain, and one of Disney’s most charming main characters (so charming she doesn’t even need to speak!), The Little Mermaid easily stands the test of time, though it isn’t quite as good as some later Disney films.
51. Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventures
1989
One of Keanu Reeves’ earliest films, this is the story of two lovable doofuses and their journey through time to meet some of history’s greatest mind. Filled with laughs and charm, this is to this day one of Reeves’ best and most enjoyable films. It helps to have George Carlin in your movie.
50. Jason Lives: Frday the 13th Part VI
1986
There were five films before this of varying quality, with the first being a horror milestone, but it’s pretty hard to deny that part six is the best of the bunch. It brings Jason back as a zombie, it adds in some humorous and tongue-in-cheek elements, and most importantly it has Alice Cooper popping out a badass villain theme song for Jason. This is where the series peaked.
49. Big Trouble in Little China
1986
One of John Carpenter’s greatest efforts, this film has truly earned its cult following. Martial arts and mysticism blend together to create a unique tale in which, in the words of Carpenter and Kurt Russell themselves, shows us “...A guy who thinks he’s the action hero when he’s really the comic sidekick.”
48. Spaceballs
1987
Mel Brooks proves he can be funny in any decade he decides to make a movie with this, a spoof of not only Star Wars but sci-fi tropes in general. You’ll be quoting a lot of the lines long after the movie ends, guaranteed.
47. The Elephant Man
1980
One of David Lynch’s most straightforward films… and yet, also one of his best. It is a powerful, emotional story loosely based on the real tale of Joseph Merrick (here in the film named John). John Hurt gives an incredible performance as Merrick, and in an important cultural milestone this film was the movie that helped establish the Best Makeup category at the Oscars following this film getting snubbed for it (it was previously merely a special citation award that had been given out twice).
46. Pink Floyd: The Wall
1982
One of the most infamously trippy and surreal music movies ever made, the deranged animation combined with some horrifying real-life imagery blend together to create one of the most inventive and strange artistic experiences ever put to film.
45. The Secret of NIMH
1982
Don Bluth’s magnum opus, and dark story of a mother’s bravery and love for her child as she goes against insurmountable odds to save her sickly son from death. Well known for its fucked up imagery, it also contains a lot of heart and spirit, particularly in the brilliantly done main character, Mrs. Brisby. There’s a reason this is cited as one of the finest animated films ever made.
44. Conan the Barbarian
1982
Basically every swords & sorcery film owes a massive debt of gratitude to this, the epic Arnold tale of a mighty barbarian’s quest for revenge. When everything from Red Sonja to Samurai Jack owes you a debt of gratitude, it’s safe to say you’re classic.
43. Clash of the Titans
1981
Greek myths have never been brought to life more enjoyably. While there is a fine layer of cheese here – the mechanical owl and Zeus’ disco lights being the chief offenders – it’s all part of this film’s charm. Ray Harryhausen did the work for the stop-motion monsters, and without a doubt his work on Medusa is some of his finest work ever, with her single scene being the stuff of nightmares. And let us not forget his reimagining of the kraken as the stand-in for Cetus; here, the kraken is a massive four-armed fish man, a take that has embedded itself in pop culture enough that other fantasy settings have cribbed this for their krakens.
42. Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi
1983
The capstone to the thrilling original trilogy, it is a tad more uneven than the previous installment, but that’s about the only major negative going for it. From the opening scenes in Kabba’s slimy crime palace to the final battle with the Empire on the moon of Endor, this movie set the standard for how you should conclude a trilogy (though it didn’t set the standard on how you should treat Boba Fett).
41. The Last Unicorn
1982
The Rankin and Bass combo is best known for bringing delightfully corny stop-motion Christmas specials to life, but in 1982, they brought this, a gorgeous, dark, magical family film. At times charmingly magical, at others horrifyingly dark, but always stunningly gorgeous, this is one of the greatest hidden gems of the 80s.
40. Highlander
1986
Clever concepts and a fine cast come together beautifully in this unique fantasy film of immortals doing battle. Come for Sean Connery and Christopher Lambert’s excellent performances, stay for Clancy Brown’s early role as the badass and psychotic villain Victor Kruger. There’s plenty of silliness and badassery all around, as is only fitting for an 80s fantasy film.
39. Akira
1988
Motorcycle riding, explosions, telekinesis, psychic kids, horrifying mutations… this anime has it all! There’s even overdramatic shouting of the name of a friend! This film helped show to many that animation had a place beyond just entertaining kids or families, and that adult animation is a viable thing; not only that, it really helped introduce anime in the West, and helped inspire other great works like The Matrix. Truly a landmark, Akira’s place in pop culture and cinematic history can’t be ignored.
38. Pee-wee’s Big Adventures
1985
This film is weird; it’s a Tim Burton film that doesn’t really feel like a Tim Burton film (Large Marge notwithstanding). But that’s a good thing in this case; this charmingly simple tale of an eccentric man on a quest to retrieve his lost bike while getting into misadventures and meeting equally eccentric characters, culminating in an epic chase scene across Warner Bros. lots, is nothing short of fun.
37. Labyrinth
1986
Jim Henson and David Bowie were two of the most inventive, creative, and talented men on the planet, and yet putting the two of them together on one project seems crazy. And yet, it happened, and boy is the result glorious. The incredible puppet work and catchy songs are one thing, but David Bowie’s performance as Jareth the Goblin King is on a whole different level. He does so good he makes up for Jennifer Connelly’s corny acting in spades.
36. The Road Warrior
1981
Before Fury Road, there was The Road Warrior, a movie that lays as much claim to being called one of the most adrenaline-charged action films of all time. Filled with the crazy car stunts and action you would expect of a Mad Max movie, this movie is so good you almost forget you’re cheering for Mel Gibson of all people. Almost.
35. The Breakfast Club
1985
A group of misfits get together in detention, and inner reflection and a tight bond ensue. This is another one of those perennial classics, a teen movie that has stood the test of time and remained relatable through the years. It’s hard not to relate to a bunch of alienated, suffering teens; we were all there once.
34. First Blood
1982
Before the heavily actionized sequels… there was this, a tragic, almost Shakesperean tale of a Vietnam vet who is so traumatized by his experience there is just no place for him in this world. This was far deeper and more politically charged than newcomers to the Rambo movies might expect, but it is all the better for it.
33. The Fly
1986
Remaking a B-grade horror film and turning it into one of the most shining examples of body horror in all of cinema is quite an impressive feat, but David Cronenberg pulled it off! This movie is in many ways superior to the original film, and features one of Jeff Goldblum’s most impressive performances – one that is Oscar-worthy, I might add.
32. The Blues Brothers
1980
Movies based off of SNL skits have a reputation of sucking… save for this hilarious musical masterpiece, which has anything you could ever ask for from a comedy: Nazis getting run over, great songs and choreography, tons of cameos, and the greatest car chase ever put to film.
31. Field of Dreams
1989
If you build it, they will come… and cry their eyes out. This is one of the most tearjerking and heartwarming sports movies ever made, and arguably the best lowkey fantasy film of the 1980s.
30. TRON
1982
Sci-fi hardly got more groundbreaking than this cult classic. This movie just oozes style, what with its glowy video game aesthetics, and features a young Jeff Bridges (which is always a plus) and those kickass lightcycles. These days it has gotten a lot more appreciation due to things like Kingdom Hearts, and that appreciation is not undeserved; what other movie can spawn an awesome sequel three decades after the original?
29. Flash Gordon
1980
You COULD say that this film is nothing but a Star Wars ripoff that shamelessly cribs that series and its aesthetic… or you could say FLASH! AAAAAAAA-AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE! The costumes, the cheesiness, the Queen soundtrack… this movie is the epitome of awesome.
28. Batman
1989
Tim Burton’s first crack at the Caped Crusader is still, to this day, one of the most impressive superhero films ever. Big props to both Michael Keaton in the title role and Jack Nicholson as his archenemy, the Joker; as it should be, these two and their performances make the film.
27. Full Metal Jacket
1987
One of Kubrick’s greatest works, it is a misunderstood work; you don’t just tune out after R. Lee Ermey’s part ends. You come for Gunnery Sgt. Hartman, you stay for him, and then you sit through the Vietnam war bit. Yes, even I’ll admit the Vietnam war part is not quite as good as the first half… but it still is filled with memorable scenes, characters, and quotes. Still though, mad props to Ermey, one of the few men to ever get away with improvising lines under Kubrick’s direction. You can’t understate an achievement like that.
26. Heathers
1988
One of the greatest black comedies, maybe even THE best black comedy, ever made. It’s like a dark parody of films like The Breakfast Club, with high school angst and bitchy cliques taken to their logical extreme.
25. A Nightmare on Elm Street
1984
This was really hard. The Elm Street series maintained a rather consistent level of quality overall throughout the 80s, from the underrated fifth and second installments to the third movie, which I would say is the best of the bunch. But I think that this spot can only belong to the original, without which none of the others would be possible. Wes Craven truly created an icon in the nightmarish Freddy Krueger, and Robert Englund brought him to life. This is truly the finest slasher film of the 80s.
24. This is Spinal Tap
1984
13 spaces away from its ideal spot, this mockumentary follows the world’s loudest metal band on one of their crazy tours. This film has apparently had actual rock stars scratching their heads and wondering what the joke is… apparently this film is too real for them. Whether that makes this better or not is up to you, but there’s really no denying this is a brilliant film either way.
23. Airplane!
1980
Remember the days when spoof movies were funny? This film is a crowning moment of comedic genius; it needs to be seen to truly be appreciated, it’s a comedy no amount of explaining can do justice. Just go watch it and laugh your ass off.
22. RoboCop
1987
Action and comedy are genres that really go hand-in-hand; being a bit tongue in cheek about slaughtering hordes of evil mooks is just amusing on a lot of levels. RoboCop manages to be ultraviolent, funny, bitingly satirical, and just a plain good time.
21. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
1982
Sci-fi rarely gets more Shakesperean than this. There’s very little about this that isn’t absolutely iconic and ingrained in pop culture, from Kirk’s infamous scream of Khan’s name to Khan himself as played by Ricardo Montalban to the tragic final moments of Spock near the end. This is widely considered one of the greatest sequels ever made, and it’s nearly impossible to argue against that.
20. Blade Runner
1982
Harrison Ford. Rutger Hauer. A dark sci-fi dystopia. It’s hard to believe this movie was once a cult classic that didn’t exactly wow at the box office, since it has gone on to be one of the biggest sources of inspiration in the sci-fi genre ever, and managed to produce one of the greatest monologues ever with Roy Batty’s “Tears in the Rain” speech. Some would argue that the recently released sequel surpasses this, but we still gotta give props for all this film gave us.
19. The Terminator
1984
The original unstoppable robot assassin film is truly iconic, and it is one of the films that helped turn Arnold Schwarzenegger into the massive pop culture icon he is today. So many quotable lines and a dark, brooding atmosphere that heightens the intensity, this is a film that, while overshadowed a bit by its incredible sequel, is every bit as good as you could imagine.
18. Gremlins
1984
This is heralded as one of the greatest Christmas movies ever, and it’s hard to argue; this is a charming, quirky, dark holiday monster movie. The creature designs are fantastic, the characters are likable, and the movie just has such a sense of black comedy and dark fun that it’s pretty much infectious. This is the standard by which all holiday monster movies should be judged.
17. Predator
1987
This is the definitive Arnold movie, and one of the manliest movies ever made on the face of the Earth. Not a single line of dialogue, not a single scene, nothing in this movie isn’t dripping with the sheer essence of manliness. Hell, the one woman that is in here is hardly noticeable due to the sheer amount of muscular men surrounding her. And even all the incredible manliness aside, we have one of the most awesome, badass alien antagonists ever put to film, with a unique design and an arsenal of weapons that make it into basically what Boba Fett SHOULD have been. This movie kicks so much ass it’s unreal; watch it, and you too can be a sexual Tyrannosaurus!
16. Scarface
1983
This is probably the best gangster movie ever. Yeah, you heard me: I think this is better than The Godfather, and maybe even better than Goodfellas (at the very least, those two are on the same level). I think the reason I believe this is because Tony Montana is just such a compelling character; his rags-to-riches story and his own paranoia and hubris causing his downfall is like a Greek tragedy, and the movie is like this dark, violent character study. In that way, you could call this the Citizen Kane of gangster films, except this film is also entertaining and engaging.
15. Escape from New York
1981
Kurt Russell has scarcely gotten a better role in his career than he did here. Snake Plissken is a hardened badass, and a pop culture icon who has inspired many incredible characters, from Solid Snake to Hoss Delgado. But the main character isn’t the only thing worthwhile; John Carpenter’s excellent and atmospheric score and the dark dystopian world shown here all help this film carve out its own identity amidst many bleak dystopian films of the 80s. But… yeah, Snake is what really makes this movie. I’m a sucker for ruggedly handsome men in eyepatches, sue me.
14. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
1982
What kind of list would this be without this film on here somewhere? Spielberg really outdid himself here; it’s a heartwarming, tearjerking, incredibly well-done lowkey sci-fi film for the ages. Spielberg somehow managed to make a lumpy brown alien into the most sweet, adorable thing you could ever hope to see, and managed to give us some of the best child acting ever seen with the child leads of the movie. There’s very little about this film that isn’t excellent; it’s no wonder it has gone on to embed itself in pop culture to the extent it has.
13. Blue Velvet
1986
It’s amazing how good straightforward David Lynch movies can be, considering the man is usually at his best with surreal mindfucks. But this somewhat less surreal film is a dark look at the rotten heart behind the cheerful facade of white picket fence America, a darkness completely embodied in the horrifying, insane madman that is Dennis Hopper’s Frank Booth, a frothing lunatic for the ages and one of the greatest villains ever put to screen.
12. The Thing
1982
People who say all remakes are inevitably doomed from the get-go and that there can be no such thing as a good remake are hard to take seriously when movies like The Fly and this, John Carpenter’s magnum opus, exist. Taking an old B-grade horror sci-fi film and reworking it into a gory horror story that acts as a reflection of the then-current AIDS crisis and Cold War paranoia was a stroke of genius, and manages to create a film that truly outshines the original in just about every way. Maybe more directors should try remaking old B-movies.
11. The Goonies
1985
Children going on adventures was a huge thing in the 80s, and for my money, it never got better than this film. This film is like a combination of everything great about 1980s adventure movies: creative death traps, likable characters, memorable music that will instantly get you to think of the film, memorable villains, and a solid plot about saving the neighborhood… all of it seems so cliché, but by god does this film make it all work. And for how cheesy it all sounds and how 80s the film feels, it holds up remarkably well! Goonies never say die, indeed.
10. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
1988
And they say the movie can never be better than the book! Even the guy who wrote the book this is based on thinks the movie is better, and who can blame him? Not only do we have truly groundbreaking effects that really help you believe animated characters and live-action characters are interacting, Daffy Duck and Donald Duck have a scene where they get into a fight, and then later Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny share a scene! Holy shit, for those two scenes alone this movie would deserve a spot on this list, and the fact that the rest of it is as exciting and memorable as those scenes is just a showcase of what a genius work this is.
9. The Shining
1980
It’s hard to believe that Kubrick won the Worst Director Razzie for this movie (well, it’s not that hard to believe, the Razzies fucking suck), since this is one of the most intensely atmospheric horror films ever made. Leave it to an insane perfectionist like Kubrick to make a ghost story as chilling and terrifying as this. This movie is also the poster child for an adaptation that is excellent while deviating quite a bit from the source material. Hardcore Stephen King fans may be disappointed, but for everyone else, this is one of the greatest, most iconic, and most influential horror films ever made. Even King came around to loving it eventually!
8. Evil Dead II
1987
The original movie was a low-budget gorefest about a bunch of kids terrorized by demonic spirits in a cabin in the woods… with all but one person dead, where could they go from there? Why, they could add some more comedic elements and make Ash more badass than ever by giving him a chainsaw for a hand! Equal parts funny and scary, this film manages to improve on its predecessor in every way – and there’s no tree rape here, either, which is always a big plus! Bruce Campbell truly shines in his performance as Ash Williams, and really sets the tone for what the man would become in the equally awesome sequel and TV series. Sure, some of the stuff here is really campy, but there’s no doubt in my mind a lot of the silliness is intentional; it’s all part of the charm.
7. Back to the Future
1985
Time travel plots are tricky to pull off, due to all the tricky logic involved. You’re pretty much always gonna have holes in the time travel logic, so you better be damn sure you have charming, likable characters at the helm to keep the audience from straining their brains trying to make sense of the weirdness… and by god, this film has that! Michael J. Fox, one of the most charming people alive, is Marty McFly, and Christopher Lloyd is one of the most lovably eccentric scientists ever put to screen. It also helps this film takes on a more fun, lighthearted, and funny tone, leading to it just oozing charm. Much like many other films on this list, it’s easy to see why this has become such an iconic movie.
6. Die Hard
1988
This is considered one of the greatest action films ever made, one of the greatest Christmas movies ever made, and just flat-out one of the greatest movies ever made, period. But why is that? Because it’s a story of an average, everyday man thrust into an extraordinarily dangerous situation, and he deals with it like any ordinary cop would deal with a situation as crazy as terrorists taking over a skyscraper. Unlike other 80s action heroes, John McClane isn’t some crazy, invincible badass who can gun down a hundred mooks with ease. He bleeds, he gets hurt, he takes a fucking beating… but he is determined to save the day no matter what, and he perseveres to take out the charming, cunning snake that is Hans Gruber. Of note is that Hans Gruber is an awesome, incredible villain, one for the ages… and in a weird twist, the hero is equally good, if not BETTER than the villain. That’s a rare sight for sure!
5. Ghostbusters
1984
Few films from the 80s have aged as well as this. From the mostly great special effects (yeah, the stop-motion on the demon dogs is not quite up to par with the other effects) to the inventive plot, this movie is not short on good ideas, but the real glue holding this film together is the camaraderie between the four leads. The four Ghostbusters have such great chemistry and play off each other really well, with their differing personalities bouncing off each other with such great results… more movies should take notes from the chemistry that Aykroyd, Murray, Ramis, and (to a lesser extent) Hudson have.
4. Aliens
1986
This right here is how you do a sequel that strays from the original’s tone and even genre a bit while still staying true to the idea. And what do you know, it’s James Cameron doing it, pulling off a feat he’d do again in the 90s with the second Terminator film! The original Alien was a dark, claustrophobic horror film; this movie keeps some of the horror elements, but ups the action, the amount of aliens, and most importantly the amount of Ripley. Sigourney Weaver cements Ripley’s place in the halls of pop culture with her iconic portrayal of sci-fi’s greatest leading lady. It’s a sequel that’s so damn good, it may just be better than the original. Now, if only Cameron could come back to the franchise… Ridley Scott ain’t doing so well with it.
3. The Princess Bride
1987
The 80s was not short on great fantasy films whatsoever… but none of them can hold a candle to the masterpiece that is Rob Reiner’s comedic fantasy adventure. All of these characters are memorable, the dialogue is infinitely quotable, there’s just never a dull moment… and long before Dave Bautista wowed audiences in Guardians of the Galaxy, we had Andre the Giant showing us all wrestlers could deliver great film performances. There’s not really anything bad I can say about this movie… except that it ends. Ah well, nothing great lasts forever.
2. Raiders of the Lost Ark
1981
Cinematic adventures just don’t get better than this. There’s hardly anything I can say about this movie that hasn’t been said a million times better by a million other reviewers; this is a fun, exciting adventure with a bit of light fantasy elements tossed in to spice everything up. And you know, in this day and age, seeing an all-American badass bookworm beating the shit out of Nazis is just really damn refreshing.
1. Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back
1980
The dawn of the 80s saw the release of what very well may be the single greatest sequel ever made. It takes everything that was good about the original movie and just runs with it; there’s more aliens, more exotic locales, more Jedi action, more drama, more Han Solo… And then we have truly iconic moments, lines, and characters like the battle of Hoth, Lando Calrissian, Boba Fett, Yoda, “I am your father,” “I love you.”/“I know.” This is one of the crowning achievements of the sci-fi genre, the magnum opus of the Star Wars saga, and without a doubt the finest film of the 1980s.
#list#movie#movies#1980#1980s#Arnold Schwarzenegger#Star Wars#Indiana Jones#Sci-Fi#Fantasy#Slasher film#horror
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The Practice of Joy in the Face of Death
All that I am, and want to be: Simultaneously dove, snake and pig. Nietzsche When a man finds himself situated in such a way that the world is happily reflected in him, without entailing any destruction or suffering – as on a lovely spring morning – he can let himself be swept away by the enchantment or simple joy which results. But he can also perceive, at the same time, the weight and the vain yearning for empty rest implied by this beatitude. At that very moment, something cruelly rises up within him that is comparable to a bird of prey that tears open the throat of a smaller bird in an apparently calm and clear blue sky. He recognizes that he cannot fulfill his life without surrendering to an inexorable movement, the violence of which he feels acting upon the most hidden aspects of his being with a rigour which frightens him. If he turns to other beings, who do not go beyond beatitude, he does not feel hatred, to the contrary he feels sympathy for necessary pleasures: he only clashes with those who pretend to attain fulfillment in their lives, who act out a risk-free comedy in order to be recognized as having attained fulfillment, while in fact it is all just talk. But he should not succumb to vertigo. For vertigo quickly exhausts and threatens to revive a concern for happy leisure or, failing that, for a painless emptiness. Or, if he does not give in, and if he tears himself completely apart in terrified haste, he enters death in such a way that nothing is more terrible. He alone is happy who, having experienced vertigo to the point of trembling in his bones, and being no longer able to measure the extent of his fall, suddenly discovers the unexpected ability to transform his agony into a joy capable of freezing and transfiguring those who encounter it.
However, the only ambition which can take hold of a man who, in cold blood, sees his life fulfilled in rending agony, cannot aspire to a grandeur that only extreme chance has at its disposal. This kind of violent decision, which interrupts his repose, does not necessarily entail his vertigo nor his fall in sudden death. In him, this decision may become an act and a power by which he devotes himself to the rigour whose movement continually closes in on him, as cutting as the beak of a bird of prey. Contemplation is only the context, sometimes calm and sometimes stormy, in which the rapid force of his action must one day be put to the test. The mystical existence of the one whose “joy in the face of death” has become inner violence can never attain the satisfying beatitude of the Christian who gives himself a foretaste of eternity. The mystic of the “joy in the face of death” can never be regarded as cornered, for he is able to laugh complacently at every human endeavor and to know every accessible delight: however the totality of life – ecstatic contemplation and lucid knowledge accomplished in a single action that cannot fail to become risk – is as inexorably his lot as death is that of a condemned man.
*
The following texts cannot in themselves constitute an initiation into the exercise of a mysticism of “joy in the face of death.” While admitting that such a method might exist, they do not represent even a part of it. Since oral initiation is itself difficult, it is impossible to give in a few pages anything more than the vaguest representation of what by nature cannot be grasped. On the whole, these writings represent, moreover, less exercises strictly speaking than simple descriptions of a contemplative state or an ecstatic contemplation. These descriptions would not even be acceptable if they were not given for what they are, in other words, as free. Only the very first text could be proposed as an exercise.
*
While it is appropriate to use the word mysticism while speaking of “joy in the face of death” and its practice, it implies no more than an affective resemblance between this practice and those of the religions of Asia or Europe. There is no reason to link any presuppositions concerning an alleged deeper reality with a joy which has no object other than immediate life. “Joy in the face of death” belongs only to the person for whom there is no beyond; it is the only intellectually honest route that one can follow in the search for ecstasy.
Besides, how could a beyond, a God or anything similar to God, still be acceptable? No words are clear enough to express the happy disdain of the one who “dances with the time which kills him” for those who take refuge in the expectation of eternal bliss. This kind of timorous saintliness – which first had to sheltered from erotic excess – has now lost all its power: one can only laugh at a sacred drunkenness which is allied to a “holy” horror of debauchery. Prudishness may be beneficial to those who are undeveloped: however, anyone who is afraid of naked girls or whiskey would have little to do with “joy in the face of death.” Only a shameless, indecent saintliness can lead to a sufficiently happy loss of self. “Joy in the face of death” means that life can be glorified from root to summit. It robs of meaning everything that is an intellectual or moral beyond, substance, God, immutable order or salvation. It is an apotheosis of that which is perishable, apotheosis of flesh and alcohol as well as of the trances of mysticism. The religious forms that it rediscovers are the naive forms that precede the intrusion of a servile morality: it renews the kind of tragic jubilation that man “is” as soon as he stops behaving like a cripple: glorifying necessary work and letting himself be emasculated by the fear of tomorrow.
I
“I abandon myself to peace, to the point of annihilation.”
“The sounds of struggle dissolve into death, like rivers into the sea, like the sparkle of stars into the night. The strength of combat is fulfilled in the silence of all action. I enter peace as into a dark unknown. I sink into this dark unknown.“I myself become this dark unknown.”
II
“I am joy in the face of death.”
“Joy in the face of death transports me. Joy in the face of death hurls me down. Joy in the face of death annihilates me.“
I remain in this annihilation and, from there, I imagine nature as an interplay of forces expressed in multiplied and incessant agony.
“I slowly lose myself in an unintelligible and bottomless space. I reach the depths of worlds I am devoured by death I am devoured by fever I am absorbed in somber space I am annihilated in joy in the face of death.
III
“I am joy in the face of death. “The depth of the sky, lost space is joy in the face of death: everything is cracked open. “I imagine the earth turning dizzyingly in the sky.“I imagine the sky itself slipping, turning, and disappearing.“The sun, comparable to alcohol, turning and bursting breathlessly.“The depth of the sky like an orgy of frozen light fading.“All that exists destroying itself, consuming itself and dying, each instant only arising in the annihilation of the preceding one, and itself existing only as mortally wounded.“Continuously destroying and consuming myself within myself in a great festival of blood.“I imagine the frozen instant of my own death.”
*
IV
“I focus on a point in front of me and I imagine this point as the geometrical locus of all existence and all unity, of all separation and all dread, of all unsatisfied desire and all possible death. I cling to this point and a deep love of what I find there burns me, until I refuse to be alive for any reason other than for what is here, for this point which, being both the life and death of the loved one, has the roar of a cataract. And at the same time, it is necessary to strip away all external representations from what is there, until it is nothing but a pure violence, an interiority, a pure inner fall into an endless abyss: this point endlessly absorbing from the cataract all its nothingness, in other words, all that has disappeared, is “past,” and in the same movement endlessly prostituting a sudden apparition to the love that vainly wants to grasp that which will one day cease to be. The impossibility of satisfaction in love is a guide toward the fulfilling leap at the same time that it is the nullification of all possible illusion.”
V
“If I imagine in a vision and in a halo that transfigures the ecstatic, exhausted face of a dying being, what radiates from this face illuminates out of necessity the clouds in the sky, whose grey glow then becomes more penetrating than the light of the sun itself. In this vision, death appears to be of the same nature as the light which illuminates, to the extent that light fades once it leaves its source: it appears that no less a loss than death is needed for the flash of life to traverse and transfigure dull existence, for it is only its free uprooting that becomes in me the power of life and time. In this way I stop being anything other than the mirror of death, just as the universe is only the mirror of light.”
VI. HERACLITEAN MEDITATION
“I myself am war.”
“I imagine a human movement and excitation, of which the possibilities are endless: this movement and excitation can only be appeased by war. I imagine the gift of an infinite suffering, of blood and open bodies, in the image of an ejaculation, felling the person it jolts and abandoning him to an exhaustion full of nausea. I imagine the Earth hurled into space, like a woman screaming, her head in flames. Before the terrestrial world whose summer and winter order the agony of all living things, before the universe composed of innumerable spinning stars, losing and consuming themselves without restraint, I only perceive a succession of cruel splendours the very movement of which demands that I die; this death is only the explodingconsumption of all that was, joy of existence of all that comes into the world; even my own life demands that everything that exists, everywhere, continually give itself and be annihilated. I imagine myself covered with blood, broken but transfigured and in agreement with the world, both as prey and as a jaw of time which ceaselessly kills and is ceaselessly killed. There are explosives everywhere which perhaps will soon blind me. I laugh when I think that my eyes persist in demanding objects that do not destroy them.”
Georges Bataille
La pratique de la joie devant la mort, Mercure de France, 1967
* One night, dreaming, X. is struck by lightning: he knows that he is dying and is suddenly, miraculously, dazzled and transformed; at this point in his dream, he attains the unexpected but he woke up.
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