#but its lost to the void forever now i guess

[codecicle]

[walks through the wall calmly, not breaking it but just VREOEOOOPPPPing through it] one of these days my absolute worst post is going to fucking break containment and i don't know if I'm ever going to be ready for that. is this seat taken? great thanks yeah no it's weird man. this whole thing is weird to me like one day it's inevitable that I'll break containment outside of fandom and just see horrible horrible takes in my notes that I just have to block and move because hold on wait a second what was that.

he's busting it down 140p style. alright then

[skyllion-uwu]

Tumblr works to suppress the truth (my post about Bruce being demi and bi)

[lacroixqueen]

you're too pretty to kill (18+, noncon)

deadpool x fem!reader

Summary: deadpool was hired to kidnap and kill reader but reader is just too cute so it puts him in a moral dilemma

Pairing: fem!reader x deadpool

Word Count: 2k

Warnings/Tags: bondage, brat, gun kink, gun play, praise kink

You loved days when you could just rollerblade around the city without so much as a care in the world. The feeling of the warm summer breeze running through your hair. Watching as the lights zipped by like dust lost in the wind. You wish you could do this forever. After all, it was your peace, your one true happy place. 

Until it wasn’t. 

Out of nowhere, you felt an arm wrap around your waist and a leather glove holding a handkerchief cover your nose and mouth. 

You tried your best to fight whoever your assailant was back, pulling on his wrist in a desperate attempt to rip it off your face. But before you knew it, you felt your vision blur and your head begin to spin. It felt like the world was melting right before your very eyes. 

Next thing you knew, you woke up to a sea of black. You could feel a piece of fabric cloaking your vision and tied securely behind your head. You tried to move your hand to hoist yourself up, only to find that both your hands were roped together behind your back. You tried to scream into the void, only to find that your mouth was sealed with a piece of tape.

“Mmfffhn!” you managed to sputter out, leaning against what felt like a cold, concrete wall. In fact, it was quite chilly wherever you were. Was it a basement? Warehouse? Regardless, you were shivering from head to toe. The tiny crop top and mini skirt you threw on this morning before going rollerblading was just not cutting it, unfortunately. 

You quickly snapped your head in the direction of what sounded like heavy footsteps and… clapping?

“Well, well, well,” a sly voice rumbled from the opposite end of the room. “Now what do we have here?” 

The unknown person gradually made his way over toward you, knelt before you, and removed your blindfold and gag. 

You looked up, only to lock eyes with what you could only describe as two white ellipses, narrowing ever so slightly amidst the shadows. Your eyes eventually adjusted to the darkness. 

“Such a shame,” your captor sighed to himself. “You’re so pretty too. As in, way prettier than most of my other victims. Normally my clients pay me big bucks to knock out assholes with beer bellies, bad breath, and a name on the registry but you.” He made a rectangle with his thumbs and index fingers as if to take your photograph. “You are perfect.”

“Wh-what are you going to do with me..?” you stammered, almost too afraid to ask. You never took your eyes off of him. He was tall, lanky, even. Dressed in all red and black. You took note of the gun in his holster and the two massive swords strapped behind his back.

“Oh, nothing to write home about,” he assured, ruffling up your hair like you two were childhood best friends. “Well, I guess if you are really dying to know. Someone important wants you dead. So I guess you could say, I, being one of if not the most popular hitmen on the black market, was hired to.. Uh, what’s the word, kill you! Yeahhhh, that sounds about right.”

“I don’t understand,” you muttered to yourself. “All my life, I can’t think of a single thing I did that could possibly warrant this, I mean.. why me?”

“Oh how tragic,” Wade remarked, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear while a tear slowly rolled down your cheek. “I mean, who in their right mind would want to kill someone like you? You are the literal picture perfect definition of the girl next door who wouldn’t hurt a flea. It would take a psychopath to even dream of such a thing!”

You glared at him while he carried on his little performance. “Don’t mock me.”

“Oh.” Deadpool stopped mid-sentence as he lifted up your chin with the tip of his index finger. “So it’s going to be like that, then.”

He leaned back slowly, only to gingerly remove his pistol from its holster. 

“Tell me, Y/N..” he whispered softly. “Have you ever held a gun before?”

“I.. no..” you replied, gasping as he pressed the cold barrel against your cheek. 

“Would you say you’ve ever, oh I don’t know, felt it on your skin?” he teased, dragging it across your neck and collarbone. He took notice of how you swallowed the lump in your throat nervously, and the way your lip quivered ever so slightly. 

“Or what about in your mouth..” his voice suddenly took a dark turn as he shoved the front of the handgun in between your lips, forcing it into the back of your throat. 

You felt your blood run cold. At first, it all felt like some sort of a game. Like one sick, twisted joke. But now, it suddenly became real. 

Wade was absolutely giddy, watching your soft, plump lips part open and accept the icy metal. He liked seeing how your pink tongue was forced still and how you squirmed like a helpless animal he had total control over. And the adorable little noises you made when your mouth was full. It delighted him in a way even he couldn’t explain. 

“Would you say you’ve ever.. choked on one?” he said, barely being able to contain his laughter. Without another word, he pushed the pistol even deeper, causing it to squeeze against your uvula, eliciting your gag reflex. 

“Whghnnn..” you muffled out, trying your best to mentally distance yourself as far away from this entire ordeal as possible. Your mind was racing at a pace you couldn’t keep up with. You were trying to formulate a plan, something, anything to have him show you mercy. 

“Wow, you really are so good at this,” Wade mumbled, not relenting at all as he continued to shove the gun further down your throat. “Definitely better than I thought. Hey, do you like practice or something? Because God, you are a natural! If I weren’t about to kill you right now, I’d hire you on the spot.”

You rolled your eyes at the innuendo. 

Realizing he wasn’t getting any further reaction from you, Deadpool slowly removed the pistol from your lips, watching with glee as a string of saliva connected your tongue from the tip of the barrel. 

He then proceeded to drag the side of the handgun across your chest, over your bare stomach, and finally, resting on the waistband of your skirt. 

“So.. Y/N was it?” Deadpool rambled on, as he played with the pleats of your skirt with his free hand. “Right. You know, I would say I don’t have a lot of weaknesses in this world, wouldn’t you agree? So anyways, after I got mutated and all fucked up from that bastard Francis and became who I am now, there’s very little out there that truly phases me these days. But this..”

He gestured towards your pastel pink miniskirt. “This is something else.” 

And with that, he gently lifted up the cloth with the front of his gun to reveal your lacy magenta underwear.

“A thong! Boooold,” he commented, pressing the cold metal of the barrel right up against your labia. “I was wondering if you were wearing something underneath, and this answers the question. God, that’s hot. You know what’s hotter, though? One of my best friends, Logan. There’s just something so je ne sais quoi about that beautiful man. Anyways.”

Your breath hitched. Suddenly, a wave of goosebumps cascaded over your skin, and it was like the world just stopped making sense. Why did this suddenly feel sort of.. good? Minus the incessant yapping and endless sidetracked one-sided conversation, you wanted more. More of whatever this was. 

And Wade granted your wish. He pulled the fabric of your thong to the side with his other hand and gently prodded your clit with the tip of his pistol. 

He was taken aback when you moaned softly at the sensation. 

“Oh?” he said as he raised an eyebrow.

He pressed the gun even harder onto your pink pearl, eliciting another sigh. 

“Huh. Color me impressed,” he muttered. “This entire time I thought you were fighting for your life but you are actually enjoying this? You dirty little slut! And here I thought you were prim proper little miss perfect..”

“Why.. why are you stopping?” you breathed, a splash of pink brightening up your cheeks, causing him even more of a surprise. “Just keep.. Keep going.”

And to his own dismay, he obliged. 

“How would you feel if I did this?” Wade asked, but before you could even react, he had already shoved the barrel of the gun deep into your cunt. 

You tossed your head back in response, moaning helplessly as he pushed the pistol in and out of your swollen pussy.

“Ah, ah~” you cried out, instinctively spreading your legs open to allow him even more access.

“Now that’s a good girl!” he encouraged, taking note of your subtle invitation and pushing it even harder and deeper than he did before. “Wow. You know, this has been truly enlightening, Y/N. I never in a million years would have guessed you of all people would turn out to be a freak! And you, my friend, are the freakiest of the freaks.”

“I-I am not!” you protested, gasping as you felt the cold steel pushing heartlessly against your walls. “I like normal things too.”

“Uh huh,” Wade said as he continued to fuck your insides relentlessly with his gun. “And I am a three-headed sabertooth tiger named Richard. See? We can all tell lies to ourselves! It’s fun.” 

You could feel yourself practically melting into his hands, your soul floating into the ceiling until you heard it. The click. 

“Well, it has been real Y/N,” Deadpool sighed, his index finger resting comfortably on the trigger. “I mean, I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell had the time of my life! Shit, if we didn’t meet under these circumstances, we absolutely would have hit it off in another reality. As in, I would have fucked you in a multitude of positions in a variety of exotic outdoor locations! Unfortunately, however, the fun and games have to come to an end somehow. I mean, wouldn’t you agree?”

You felt as if your heart was about to both break and jump out of your chest simultaneously. 

“B-but..” you tried to reason with him. Not that it was any use, of course. “I really liked this..”

“I know, babe,” Wade cooed, his free hand snaking up and gripping around your throat tightly. “But if I don’t kill you now, I probably never will because you are just too cute. And sometimes I just can’t help myself but make stupid decisions.”

“Please don’t kill me,” you begged, looking up at him. 

Wade was just about to pull the trigger until you caught his eye.

“Aw, FUCK!” he shouted, immediately removing the gun from your dripping snatch. “Don’t.. don’t do that.”

“Do what?” you inquired innocently, tilting your head to the side. 

“That!” he exclaimed, gesturing towards your face. “Looking up at me with those big, stupid adorable eyes. You know I can’t help myself when you do that.” 

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” you shrugged. “Besides, I thought you had already made up your mind. You sounded pretty sure of yourself after all.”

“You know, you really are a little shit, you know that?” Deadpool fired back, placing his hands on his hips. “God, and this was supposed to be sexy and dangerous, but you totally ruined the atmosphere.”

You smiled to yourself, self-assured in your victory. “Well, does that mean you are going to let me go?”

“Yeah, yeah, go fuck yourself,” Wade responded, untying your ropes and smacking you on the ass as you stood up. “Get out of here before I change my mind.”

Before you walked out of the warehouse, you stood on your tippy toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek over his mask. “Thank you.”

“Go, GO!” he yelled, pushing you towards the exit of the dingy building. “And don’t come back.”

And as soon as you came, you were free. The moonlight poured through the cracks of the tree branches outside and lit up your face. The door slammed behind you in a dramatic fashion. And with that, you finally felt yourself settling into another moment of peace. 

[quills-of-freedom]

Slow dance with ~

Reiner Braun ❤

If this song doesn't sum up Reiner, his situation and his feelings for you, I'll eat my hat & shoes.

My actual heart, though.

"I'll be there as soon as I can, But I'm busy mending broken, pieces of the life I had before... Before you..."

"You could be my unintended choice, to live my life extended, you, could be the one i'll always love..."

Reiner didn't know which was worse; the fact he betrayed you all those years ago, or that he was still desperately in love with you. Not once did you leave his thoughts for longer than a day at a time, no matter what he had going on. Still plagued with haunting nightmares of you trying to kill him in Shiganshina, he didn't think he'd ever have the honour of speaking with you again. But with everything that's happened and the world now at peace... maybe now he can bring his retribution to an end - because the last four years have been nothing but torment.

The burden of guilt weighed heavy on his back and more than once has he wanted to just end his suffering by his own hand.

He's seen a lot over the years. Pain. Suffering. Death. Betrayal.

But nothing scares him more than the idea you had no love left for him, that you still couldn't forgive him for what he did. He wouldn't blame you, of course. But nothing terrifies an atheist more than the concept of death, and without you, there was nothing after it all. It was all for nothing. Without you, it's just a desolate void.

He remembers falling for you so hard back in cadets. What started as a little crush catching fire and smouldering into full blown love, the inferno like a whirlwind out of control as he tried to calm his racing thoughts about you, knowing all too well it wasn't going to end well. But when he started to forget; when everything mushed together into one reality or the other, was when he had totally gotten lost within himself. And there you were, always there to hold him up when the weight was too much. So of course he was going to call out to your out-reached hand of unconditional admiration and adoration.

The celebrations at the palace were bitter-sweet. Yes, the war was over. Yes, an age of peace had finally begun.

But to the loss of so many lives.

One including many of your friends.

The cruel irony that you could now experience true freedom, by the death of your best friend, of whom, you'd promised you'd both traverse the world together. The innocent childhood glint behind your eyes forever extinguished - replaced by grief.

Eren was dead.

Mikasa. Gone.

No one knew where she'd went. But all that was left now was the gratitude from the people you'd saved. A pointless goal of nothing awaited you. No more fighting, no more dreaming.

You'd all been granted your medals of outstanding service at a ceremony and now as the party begins to extinguish of voices and laughter, Reiner was alone on the terrace. The floor-to-ceiling grand windows illuminating his back as he leans upon the stone balustrade, the cold nip in the air not deterring the exhausted veteran.

"Reiner?"

His heart skips a beat.

He recognised that voice, and would for the rest of his days.

The voice he was terrified of forgetting the sound of. The sweet song of praise that were your vocals.

He turns to see you in your beautiful dress standing at the grand over-the-top door to the ballroom.

"Sorry, I didn't think anyone was out here. It's so bright in there I couldn't see outside." You explain as you go to join him for some fresh air.

"It's alright." Is all he can manage to vocalise over his now trembling body.

He was a fine sight in his suit although the night had taken its toll, his blazer gone and tie loosened, white sleeves pushed up his large forearms. He gazed ahead into the inky blackness of the evening, the dark void where all traumas and nightmares lay in wait.

"I guess a congratulation is in order." You hum. "The fighting is finally over. And you're no longer a titan, right?"

"Right." He affirms with a nod, nervously twiddling his fingers over the balustrade.

"It's strange. We should feel happy, right? So, why don't I feel happy?"

He glances at your pleading eyes, pleading for some wisdom he didn't have. He didn't have it because he was in the same boat.

"I don't know." He swallows, returning his head to face ahead of him. "I guess the loss was too great."

His heart was breaking all over again.

He could feel your pain seeping from your being. That empty pain behind your eyes much like the pair he sees in the mirror everyday. You had always been too precious for this world. And now it was finally all said and done, you couldn't even enjoy it. He knew how much Eren and Mikasa meant to you.

And Sasha.

And Marco.

"y/n, i'm sorry." He mutters. "I'm not the best person to be talking to about this."

"You promised me, right?" Her tone quivers as the song inside changes to a slow-paced tune to begin to draw a close to the evening. "Five years ago. That you'll always be there for me?"

His lips part and he turns to face you, his equally pained orbs searching yours for any hint of a cruel joke.

But there wasn't any.

All he could see were the burning cinders of innocence cruelly pillaged by events that were not by your own doing.

"And you're back now, aren't you?" You continue, filling in his silence as he is lost for words. "Aren't you?"

A tear streams down your cheek, the lachrymose proving to be too much.

Without a word, he pulls you into his chest, his arms that have longed and ached for you for so long, now finally holding you once more as he holds your head against his solid chest, holding you up as you crumble.

"The world is cruel. But it's also beautiful..." You whisper in memory of your friend, your eyes clasping shut as the pain in your chest becomes more intense.

He inhales you before resting his cheek on top of your head, his eyes pleading as he slowly cradles you from side to side. Your skin. Your heart. Your scent. God he'd missed it all.

You had always been the one to hold his chin high when all was lost. And now, he can finally do the same for you.

With a sniffle, you slide your hands up and over his shoulders as he continues to rock slowly, his hands instinctively resting upon your waist as you both begin to dance slowly to the low tune bellowing from within the palace.

His warmth radiates over you; he may no longer hold the power of the nine titans, but you could still feel his great strength and iron will beneath his flesh, as he holds you as if you would be snatched away if he let go for a second.

"I still love you, y/n." He whispers with a dry mouth.

What did he really have to lose?

"I know." She breathes. "I still love you too."

The indescribable amount of pain that has stripped you bare over the years did not show any signs of relenting anytime soon. But now at least... you have Reiner back. Maybe you could begin new dreams. Together.

[aster-riskite]

Written in the Stars

(And now for my trademark! A bit of angst after a sweet moment.) @spaus-week

Antonio was a simple man who had one simple habit between duties on the starship. He would come once more to this corridor, staring through this window, the pulse of the engines outside humming. Antonio couldn't help but stare and be one with the universe. It felt like his very core would sing along to this song. Whatever song the stars seemed to sing, anyways. The song reminded him of a certain performer he had met on a distant planet.

The song was gentle and sweet, just as the flowery dialect it had been composed for. Antonio thought he would win the lottery before he could see that man again, but fate had put in a good word for him.

The man who composed it, a self proclaimed conservationist, was traveling with them. He was opting to use anything except the fare that would have been charged to take him on a comfortable journey. He thought about what it was like to live so carefully, but not only did he refuse to honor that thought, it had been interrupted by a few words from the door.

"What's so enticing out there? Nothing new, right? I've already looked." That voice. Those words. Antonio nearly didn't understand them. He was so entranced. "Hello? Can you hear me? You seem like you might as well be lost out there." Ah, what he'd give to be lost in that voice forever.

"Sorry, Rodrigo." Antonio grinned as he looked in the composer's direction. "I've been looking at the stars. They're so pretty!" Much like the visitor he now gazed upon. "You may have looked, but have you seen them yet?"

"I don't see them often, and in all honesty, I suppose I need to take a better look." Roderich stood by his fellow man. "They inspire a lot of my work. Dangerous, overwhelming, but pretty." The composer had a strangely serene look on his face. Pale as the moon of earth, eyes shimmering in a color almost like the void of space had been lit up in flame, those same eyes reflecting the light that those distant stars had been emitting for ages longer than any man had existed.

"Wow..." Antonio sighed, but he didn't look out the window. His own green eyes were fixated on the features of this strange man. He looked so put together, but like a mess the more he was paid attention to. A truly remarkable and vulnerable artist, one of the last of his kind by trade. Antonio hadn't seen music on things with strings and keys before meeting Roderich.

To meet someone so connected to the past in this age of the stars was incredible.

"I need to-" Antonio caught himself. "Could I get to know you better?" His own tanned face was surprisingly flooded with enthusiastic blush.

"Anton, was it?" Roderich asked. "I'd love that. You seem like you enjoy art. I know of a nice gallery you may enjoy, it holds some pretty extravagant exhibits."

"Well, I guess that's that!" He didn't bother to correct him. "I'll meet up with you sometime later, maybe after our ship makes it through the system after this one?" Antonio offered.

"Do you promise?"

And then Roderich woke from his slumber, a bed of beautiful yet modest luxury beneath his aching joints. He remembered that man so fondly, having met him some more times before that ship had made its final journey.

In spite of his promises, poor Anton hasn't been heard from in a while. The artist, the conservationist, the composer and musician, wrote a song in his name. Roderich had a hope that somewhere, somehow, Antonio would hear it. Their time together was as short and sweet as the song's cry for forgiveness. A curse to lady luck and a promise to see him again, even though extreme means.

Roderich wanted to be wrong. But even in spite of their bond, the tragic ending of this symphony was already written in the stars.

[melesmee]

yk while we're talking about cody and juvie's relationships with losers. CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW JUVIE FELT AFTER THE END OF EPISODE 20.

like yeah. mini had been lying and manipulating cody since grd but. imagine being juvie. you've just found out that mini has been here the entire time. ofc you have to get over the shock of "holy shit mini has been here the entire time" but that eventually makes way for "okay, maybe things can go back to the way they were before". even more so now that gma is mostly out of the picture.

and then CODY finds out and just completely loses it. like, just completely drops the whole average thing that he's been unshakably commited to for weeks now and suddenly everything is the same as it was before. do you any idea how pissed juvie probably is. like, they're probably not gonna be able to think too hard about it considering there's more urgent cody-related problems at hand but.

(also sidenote, mini getting an entire episode dedicated to confronting and accepting her past and then almost immediately having all her fears realized is so fucked up)

RIGHT ITS CRRAAZZZYYY

like. haircuts are so symbolic in general. and juvie has more symbolism tied to it bcs MINI gave them the hair tie!!! they grew their hair out specifically to honor mini’s memory !! but like. now mini’s back. and they’re…..moving on, i guess? not from loving mini necessarily, but…..it’s been years. they’ve both grown and changed as people. juvie losing their hair (and more importantly, the hair tie) symbolizes kind of like. a new beginning for the two of them. juvie’s done mourning !! they’re ready to get to know the person mini’s become :)

vs cody!! his initial reaction is ‘omg mini’s alive’ and the relief. all the guilt and self torture he’s put himself through for years lifts a little because mini’s alive!!!! she’s not dead and it’s not his fault!!! and the hypothetical scene that plays as codys reaction is like. they both could’ve done things better. they both could’ve avoided hurting each other, but they didn’t. mini left and cody basically let her. and this is where they are now. they’re…..different people. cody’s gotten better through his relationship with pb. he has a better understanding of being a loser, and he’s opened up to someone about his trauma for. probably the first time ever.

meanwhile, mini has been so obsessed with clinging to the past and recreating her childhood, but without the things she didn’t like. she wanted juvie, cody and herself to hang out in chill haven forever, with no status difference or overbearing grandma to ruin it!! she’s obsessed with things staying exactly as they were back then. she doesn’t really account for juvie and cody growing up, and she doesn’t really even realize how much SHE has changed, either.

and that’s when the rejection hits!!! cody’s changed!! he doesn’t want godhood, he’s not sure if he ever really did!! and after EVERYTHING mini put him through- everything she’s put pb through? pb’s not even a part of this! mini dragged in some random loser to be part of her selfish scheme, and the heartbreak they both suffered was HER fault!! she was gonna send pb to the void after all this! isn’t that fucked up? he’s literally a tool to her, to make her idealized world!! so cody snaps!!! he shows that hey! people CAN change! i might have failed you all those years ago, but i will NOT fail pb. i won’t lose him like i lost you.

and i think juvie understands that. i don’t really think they’d be mad at cody for being so angry, as much as they love mini. i mean, this is what they’ve been trying to get him to do for weeks now, man. stand up for something. take some GODDAMN control of his life. of course they’d be concerned for mini, because she’s not being malicious, but like….how could they be mad at cody? he finally did it.

idk. basically it’s what delusional sorikus want kingdom hearts to be (im delusional sorikus :3)

[esevik]

Regarding Amumu...

I don't play League but I think the lore of the world of Runeterra and its characters is interesting. Now Riot has struggled/neglected to properly implement several characters into the current lore/worldbuilding which is frustrating. One of these characters is the sad mummy Amumu. And here is my theory/headcanon on how Amumu fits into the lore of Runeterra.

To start with you have to go far back in time to when Icathia still existed, before the war with the Shurima empire. Back then Icathia was a prosperous and peaceful state, and there lived a Yordle. The Yordle had life-giving magic that helped flowers grow in the desert sand and with his playful and innocent nature he was a friend to all the children in Icathia. Rumors spread about how if a child needed help the Yordle would save them and the Yordelheappily accepted the role of the children's protector. The Yordel's original name is unknown, it was too long and complicated for the children's pronunciation. The best they could manage was a simple nickname, a nickname the Yordel carried with pride. And thus the Yordel became known as Amumu.

Amumu spent several decades bringing joy to the people in Icathia. However nothing can last forever and in this case the peace was broken when Icathia and Shurima went to war. While Amumu never directly involved himself with the war, he never fought in any battles, he did stay in Icathia and did whatever he could to help the children and civilians. While the war was horrible and many died Amumu managed to keep most of the children safe. Then the Icathian mages tore up a rift to the void and everything changed. Amumu didn't understand what was happening but he still wouldn't abandon the vulnerable. As the void expanded through the rift Amumu tried to fight it back, but nothing he did worked. In a last effort to save the children he threw himself in front of them, tried to shield them, but that didn't work either. As the power of the void overcame him and he lost consciousness the last thing he heard were the children's cries for Amumu, for him, to save them.

But he couldn't.

Later, after the rift to the void had calmed down and Shurima had fallen, a little Yordel woke up in the ruin's of Icathia. Or, what had once been a Yordel woke up. The Yordel had been touched by the void and changed forever. His once fluffy and cute appearance had been twisted into something grotesque and nightmarish. The former Yordel was repulsed by his new appearance and wrapped himself in cloth. It wasn't only his appearance that had been tainted by the void but his mind and magic as well. He couldn't remember anything before waking up. He didn't know who or what he was or why he was there. The only thing left was the voices of dying children repeating a name he guessed was his, Amumu. The only clues Amumu had to piece together his past were these haunting voices and an immense feeling of guilt and failure. Without knowing who these children who's voices haunted him he understood that he had failed them, he hadn't been able to protect them. He was responsible for their deaths. Then, as if that wasn't enough, his magic that once had brought life now drained it. His mere presence consumes the life energy by those around him. For the once kindhearted Yordle there was only one conclusion he could come to. He had been cursed. He had been cursed as a punishment for failing to protect the innocent. Thus he wanders across the desert in search for companionship and a way to undo his curse, not knowing that it's impossible.

So in short, Amumu is a Yordle who is tainted by the void.

[insomtiny]

ok i finished my post concert whataburger time to unload (spoilers for the apocalypse from us tour i guess)

they started with scream and odd eye because of course those are some of the ultimate crowd hypers

they kept teaching us korean words and telling us to use them throughout the show, jiu taught us 멋있어 (cool) and yoohyeon tried to teach us 귀여워 (cute) but most of us were like we already know that one lol

curse of the spider my fave bside from raid of dream hhh

demian was sooo crazy um say i'm confused now, heart is racing paranoid, i can't trust what i feel, everything's void close your EYEEESSSSSS

propose was so good i didn't even take a video i was so enamored

i didn't get it on camera but they were trying to get us to scream louder and gahyeon was like "can you scream like sua? 😏" and sua went "HEY 🫵😠 HEY YOU 😤" and started threatening her it was so funnyyy

during random dance they did taki taki and sua went STRAIGHT for that boob grab at the end, no hesitation no pretending

also siyeon did paradise lost by gain again goddd in front of mine eyes and with RED HAIR...

and gahyeon did poppy by stayc and its was sooo cute i almost cried her little pigtails...

they played diamond which has always had a special place in my heart it made me so 🥺💞

also taking just a moment to say siyeon's voice is still just as mindblowing and lifechanging as the first time i heard it live

AND THEY PLAYED GOOD NIGHT AND FLY HIGH HUHHH??? i so wasn't expecting that good night is one of my FAVE title tracks and fly high's always been one of my fave stages/concepts

WONDERLAND TOO???

during their ending ments dami was like "hey siri" and someone in the crowd had a meme cutout and it had the siri symbol on the back of it and sua grabbed it and started pretending to be siri and they did a couple different tries of her responding and then she was like ok i got it this time so dami was like "hey siri" and then sua went "yes babey yesss 😏" in a sultry voice and that's gonna live in my brain forever now thanks kim bora

when we were waiting for the encore they kept faking us out with the lightsticks they would come on and we would all start screaming and then they would turn off 😭 it happened like 6 times

SPEAKING of the encore some of the members came in through the fucking aisles and yoohyeon ran right by me hello!!! she was not even 2 feet away from me

also like i said earlier they played the silent night drop SEVEN times and it was so insane

they did different goofs in between each drop, they had us beg for another one, sua did the siri bit again, yoohyeon took off her shirt, they told us to pretend to jump rope, jiu let some random dude in the crowd yell into her mic, sua told us to do like a head isolation move and part of the crowd wasn't doing it right so they had us start booing them, it was so manic and silly i loved it so much

reason was sooo prettyyy

i love them

ok that's all

[perspectivestarters]

Perspective's Sentence Starters; Hold The Girl by Rina Sawayama (Part II)

IMAGINING

"Could we be imagining?"

"Didn't mean to lose my precious mind today."

"Sick and tired of waking up so far away."

"I don't know if Mercury's in retrograde."

"Am I okay? Nah."

"I don't wanna get too close, shit gets complicated."

"I don't wanna take it off."

"Really don't feel too good."

"Fake it till you make it."

"I don't wanna talk right now."

"I'm imagining."

"What the fuck is up?"

"What's happening?"

"My sanity is gone."

"I know I do this to myself."

"I find it hard to concentratе."

"Struggling to recognize the sight of me."

"I just wanna short-circuit the night away."

FRANKENSTEIN

"Put me together, thread a needle."

"I'm trying to be normal."

"Trauma is immortal."

"None of this is your fault."

"This is so unbearable."

"Make it stop!"

"All I want is to feel beautiful."

"You're the one that can save me from myself."

"Put me together one more time."

"Love me forever, fix me right."

"I can be your Frankenstein."

"I don't wanna be a monster anymore."

"I was doing fine 'til I hit rock bottom."

"Watch the poison blossom."

HURRICANES

"I still feel the same."

"My mind keeps running away."

"I can’t feel the rain."

"I've been walking around in chains."

"Won’t you give me a sign if you're really there?"

"I've been lost inside waiting on a prayer."

"I'm running into hurricanes."

"Always wanted to be best at everything."

"It brings out the worst in myself."

"Won't you give me a ride?"

"I’m not the girl I tried to be yesterday."

SEND MY LOVE TO JOHN

"It's easier when it sounds the same."

"All I ever wanted was for you to have a better chance."

"That was never who you were."

"I'm sorry for the things I've done."

"Trying to protect you, but I guess I was wrong."

"Saw the way the kids treated you every day at school."

"I should've blamed them."

"All you needed was my love."

"We had both had to leave our mothers to get the things we want."

"I see that he takes care of you."

"He's there for you in all the ways I never was."

"I love to see you happy and right where you belong."

PHANTOM

"There was a girl pleasing the world."

"Stickers and scented gel pens."

"Give possessions, get friends."

"I've been tryna find her."

"She gave a little too much away."

'I don't wanna do this without you."

"I don't wanna do this if you're just a ghost in the night."

"I tried everything to fill up the void that you left me with."

"You're good enough."

"You don't have to lose what makes you you."

"When did we get so estranged?"

"Haunted by the way I've changed."

"Claiming back the pieces of me that I've lost."

"I'd bring you back to us."

"I was wrong to assume."

"I need you now."

"I need you close."

"How do you hold a ghost?"

"Inner child, come back to me."

"I wanna tell you that I'm sorry."

"Don't wanna do this if you're locked away in my mind."

TO BE ALIVE

"Flowers still look pretty when they're dying."

"I know it's just temporary pain."

"I used to make my world so small."

"I never thought that I'd get this right."

"I finally know what it feels like."

"Opened my eyes, feels like the first time."

"Darkness used to wrap its arms around me."

"I used to bring it with me everywhere."

"I swear that sometimes I get to be my worst enemy."

"The answer's been right in front of me."

"All of the beauty and love I could not see."

"I see it now."

[manna-moth]

The scent of decay filled my nostrils as we approached the entrance of the affectionately named, "Corpse Of A God". The only known entrance, what we believe to be a stab wound in a would be finger. Its' still fresh blood and flesh making stomach churning squishing noises as we step into the wound. "Go to medical school" they said. "You'll become very successful," they said. Well they didn't say anything about being forced to study the insides of an unknown creature so big that we can't estimate its size. From the rumors I've heard, people believe the creature is so big it could step on earth and not notice, but the rest of the body is in another universe. Such bullshit. How would something like that even work, much less exist? The glass on my oxygen mask fogged as the exterior temperature reached boiling point. The major fluctuation of the Alaskan wilderness temperature to the inside of the creature was sudden enough to make me go dizzy. As my team and I descend into the creature, the light around us seems to dim. I looked behind me, only to find that our only entrance, and therefore only exit, was now covered with shark tooth looking giant bone fractures. Great. Now we will have to wait for however long it takes security to break through those to leave.

It has been… what? 5 hours now? Probably. I didn't bring a watch. I sat at the entrance, waiting for them to get done cutting through the bone thing. I don't know how far they have gotten, but it's taking forever. My team leader went to take a leak a while ago, did he get lost? I swear, if they didn't give us a map of what they've discovered Ialready then that's gonna cause massive confusion when traversing the inside. Might as well go check on him. As I got up, I nearly tripped on myself. Fucking hell, despite being a decomposing corpse, the inside is still very wet. Maybe it's a size thing? I travel a bit deeper into the corpse, making sure not to stray too far from the wired path, acting as my only light source. I don't know what went over me, but during my attempt at looking for my missing teammate, I somehow left the wire path. I didn't even notice, until I bumped into a warm, fleshy wall. I look around, now the only illumination given to me is the flashlights set onto my head. God knows how long those will last, but how much oxygen do I have left? I can't check because it's on my back. Supposed to have a teammate check it for you, "build trust". Wasn't there only 2 ways before? Now that my eyes have adjusted, I count at least 7. Maybe I just missed them due to my eyes not being used to the inky void-like blackness engulfing the entirety of this thing.

How long has it been? Minutes? Hours? I've lost track of time for the most part. I just know it's daytime. Guess my internal clock is just fine tuned now that I can't see the damn sky. For some reason, I haven't gotten tired in any way, by now I should've gotten hungry or thirsty. Maybe even sleepy, but no. It's like the heat of the creature is suffocating me in a way that keeps me from ever tiring. Weird metaphor, I know, but that's what it feels like. Wait, what am I stepping in? Is… is that blood? Oh god, I may have overestimated how far into decomposition this thing is in. Oh god, I can smell it. Wait, why can I smell it? I have an oxygen mask. Maybe a leak somewhere? Can't take it off to inspect, lord knows how many pathogens are running wildly around in here. I suddenly hear what sounds like multiple footsteps on the bloodied floor, for some reason, I'm not at all relieved as I should be. I feel my body freeze as a burning chill ran down my spine, dread overflowing from myself. I should- no… I HAVE to hide. I run the opposite way, my visor fogging more and more till I can hardly see until the floor disappeared out from under me. My body feeling as though it's floating under immense pressure and everything goes black.

I woke up, covered in some sticky, yellow slime. I barely got my head out of this mysterious liquid by the time my vision finally unblurred. It feels as though chains are binding my arms under the pus. My body burn, shaking. I cling onto the only solid, non-mucus covered thing I find within arms reach. I resist vomiting as much as I can. Just as I dreaded, there is a leak somewhere in my tank, the yellow liquid filling my oxygen mask. I throw it off, rather be killed instantly from the lack of oxygen than drowning.

Except. I don't. I can breathe. I open my eyes, viewing a honey-like root sprouting from a bioluminescent plant. I pull myself up, nearly slipping back into that pus filled ocean. I take a moment to gather my thoughts. My head races, not being able to catch up with the events that just transpired. How did I get here? The last thing I remember was hearing those footsteps. Then nothing but the feeling of weightlessness followed by being in that vile. The green glow of the plant, that looks to be a type of odd tree, a twisting trunk meeting a bundle of silk-like leaves that glows a near neon green. I look beyond the tree, seeing multiple fauna resembling it. A hanging, plastic looking flower, glowing almost the same green. I climb the tree to see if I can eat the leaves. For some reason, the more I climb the farther away the top of the tree seems, as though it's extending specifically so I do not reach the top. I look below me and nearly pass out. I can no longer see the ground, nor the other illuminating plants. I begin making my way back down, but like with the leaves it seems pointless. I might be so high up I can't return to the bottom, or it's extending the bottom for me not to reach the end. I get an idea, and let go completely. I fall, and fall, and fall. Surely I should have landed by now, I didn't climb for THAT long. I then suddenly hit something, stretchy as I continued to descend but slowing my own descent.

I look around again, what was once an inky void now replaced with fleshy walls, illuminated by something behind them, showing massive veins mazing all around. A strong breeze pulls me one way. I'm barely able to keep myself standing, my feet slipping down the lubricated flooring. Suddenly, the breeze stops. I regain my composure and it begins again. This time, the breeze is so strong it knocks me on my feet, carrying me down the tunnel with it. I look behind me and my stomach drops. The shark-tooth looking bones have begun protruding from what may be an exit, or at least a somewhat safer area. With a snap and crack, I crash into the bone things. one of my arms gets punctured by a tooth. Great, now if they have blood borne pathogens I'm screwed. My head spins with a mix of regret, hatred and terror. I should never have become a doctor. I never should have trusted whoever claimed they had discovered a new species bigger than a blue whale. I don't wanna die here!

I freeze. feeling something crawling up my back, unable to move, unable to count how many feet it has. I try to free my arm from the bone thing, and it produces smaller spikes. The pain Is agonizing, shooting throughout my entire body like a million needles surging in my bloodstream. Whatever is crawling on my back is now wrapping itself around my forehead, I can now hear its creaking limbs. Suddenly, the bones retract, causing me to fall down to the gooey floor. I see another tunnel at the end of this room. For some reason, I feel no need to remove the creature from my forehead. I even… welcome it. The company, potential friend. I limp to the entrance. Exit? I don't know what this counts as. Just as I pass into the tunnel, the large room behind us shifts into a 3 way tunnel itself. One way, it gets really dark. The creature, staying on my head, extends down to the top of my spine. I'll call it, Tomato. Yeah, me and tomato, traversing the creature.

We will go down the darkened corridor. We would know that artificial lights cause such darkness, ironically. But what if they don't want to see us? What if the humans don't accept Tomato? If they don't, we can just @~°•■•¤€&^%÷. But what if they do? Why wouldn't they? Tomato is beautiful. They need to accept Tomato. We will leave this place, and Tomato will become the most beloved being in creation. We'll see a light. Whoever it'll belong to will seem lost, but calm. We will run towards them. We need to. We need to catch them. Show them they don't need their oxygen mask. It'll get them killed in here. They will hear us, and run the other way. That'll be a shame, since they would fall into the floor.

After the person fell, the floor closed. The tunnels arranged for us to leave. We saw the exit, the bone fractures have been cut through- but we see no workers. We stepped into the warm Alaskan air, breathing in the moist air filled with a hint of iron. We need to look for signs of human life, they need to know we didn't die. We find a human car that seemed to have crashed. We open the cars top, searching for some food. Nothing. Only blankets were left behind. It could take days before we see more humans, so we should take what we can get. We devour the cloth, but it isn't enough, so we rip off the roof of the car, tear it into tiny pieces and we will snack on that on our way to human civilization. Humans will have food, they always do. More food- BETTER, food.

We walk through the ash, yet feel no cold. Our digits have stiffened too much, our nerves have died already. I look down at our arm. A ghoulish blue. We've decided it would be too dangerous for us to make a fire, due to the potential shock our body may sustain.

Somethings following us. Maybe someone? No. Not this far from true civilization. Not in these unstable temperatures. Tomatoes frills shake, not from any cold, but from the fear I could sense from him. Whatever was following us, tomato didn't like it. We found another car. Abandoned like the other one. This one actually had food, and gas! The keys still in the ignition, a glove frozen onto it. Starting the car, we turn the A/C on as well, starting off with burning air at first as it cooled. Tomato chirps happily as the coolness covers him like a blanket.

A few hours have passed, tomatoes frills are still shaking from the fear of what is following us. In the mirror, I can see something moving from tree to tree, fast enough to keep up but staying far enough to keep barley out of sight. Whatever it was, it wasn't human. Maybe a wolf? Wolves are fast. If it is a wolf, it must be a lone one. We should keep our eyes on the road though. The snow continues to fall as we pass what looks like destroyed buildings with burn marks. The scattered cars dot the street, some are crashed into a building that was razed to the ground, or seem to have been damaged by fire themselves. The putter of the engine alerts me to the fact that I hadn't stopped to refuel in the last few days. Tomato grunted with disappointed. Stepping out of the freezing car, I'm blasted with a heat hot enough to burn my eyebrows, and a wind strong enough to knock me on my feet. Struggling to reach my feet, the thing that was following us hides behind a shattered wall of brick. Its' dark silhouette and deep eyes stare through me.

Its deep red and bright black scales smoothly coated its rough exterior. A rush of adrenaline flooded our head as Tomato forced us to run from the creature. It barreled after us in a barbarically divine manner, the thuds of its feet making a soft squishing sound as it tried catching us. Tomato urges me to move faster, following his instincts, we swerve left and right at random. We run back into the forest, falling down a hill, getting scrapped by the smooth branches. Vines cover us, tieing us up in a way that's impossible to escape. The creature slowly walks up to us, and puts a claw onto our shoulder. The ground shakes as the vines entered cuts in my body, filling up my veins with their twisting, thorny existence. The pain floods over me as they twist. My head goes numb, everything goes black as I see the creature open its mouth.

. . . .

. . .

. .

We wake back up, surrounded by the stomach churning illumination of the creature's body. The Veins from the wall crawl out of me and back into the wall. Seemingly, the world begins pulsating, the tunnel closing in around us as an overwhelming sense of claustrophobia overtakes our bodies. The only thing stopping it being the odd, rib-like bones that encase this tunnel… no… not Bones… are those.. creatures? From the ribs climbs out numerous entities, their Chitten a milky white as their dozens of eyes peirce into our very being. Their legs chattering as they skitter through the cave. Is this a type of parasite to this creature? Tomato frills freeze, as one of the entities grabs a hold of him, using the ear blistering noise of the others as cover. We fight the things, but they eventually win and pull Tomato off me and. . . What the hell was that thing that was on my back! No. Not just back, my entire body. Roots from the tomato rip out of me as it is torn from me. It got into my head, is that why I saw it as a pet? A shock runs through my body and I get a splitting headache. It feels like my head is trying to explode. Something underneath my skin crawls. It looks like a bump moving around my chest. The calm despair before the creature tried ripping itself out of me, I knew it would happen. I had to kill it before that happened, but how? It was in my chest, and I had no weapon.

As the creature writhed and squirmed inside my chest, a surge of desperation filled my veins. My heart pounded in my ears as I scanned the surroundings, desperately seeking a way to rid myself of the intruder. A glimmer of light reflected off a shard of broken bone lying nearby, catching my attention. I quickly snatched it up, hoping it could serve as some form of makeshift weapon. With trembling hands, I pressed the sharp edge of the bone against my skin, hesitating for a moment before summoning the courage to pierce through. The pain was excruciating, but the sheer will to survive fueled my determination. Blood trickled down my chest as I probed deeper, guided by instinct and a desperate need to eradicate the foreign presence within me.

The creature thrashed wildly in response to my actions, causing waves of agony to ripple through my body. Tears streamed down my face as I fought against the searing pain and the nauseating sensation of something squirming beneath my flesh. With one final surge of strength and a primal scream, I managed to locate the creature and impale it on the makeshift weapon. Relief washed over me as I withdrew the bone, covered in a viscous, black fluid that oozed from the wound. The creature's movements ceased, and the oppressive pressure within my chest subsided. Gasping for breath, I collapsed onto the ground, utterly exhausted but victorious.

Taking a moment to gather my thoughts and regain my composure, I realized I needed medical attention. My body was battered, full of holes, and the wound in my chest would require immediate care. With the last remnants of my strength, I managed to bandage myself as best I could, using torn pieces of my hazmat suit and strips of fabric from clothes underneath.As I lay there, wounded and weakened, the environment around me began to shift once again. The pulsating walls of the creature's body closed in, and the eerie illumination intensified. I knew I had to find a way out, to escape this nightmarish place. Drawing upon the resilience that had carried me thus far, I forced myself to my feet, ignoring the throbbing pain in my chest and the lingering sense of dread.

I continued the venture deeper into the labyrinthine tunnels of the creature. Every step was accompanied by a mixture of fear and curiosity. Terror washed over me at just the thought of what might lay ahead me. The air grew heavier, carrying with it a pungent odor of decay and the faint sound of distant whispers that shook my mind with unknowable knowledge I couldn't understand. Through winding passages and eerie chambers, I pushed forward, driven by the simple desire to not die, and to escape. The walls seemed to close in even further, narrowing the path ahead, making me get onto my hands and knees. My mind became a wandering mess as I tried to block out the haunting echoes and the incomprehensible presence that seemed to lurk just beyond my sight.

. . . . . .

I awoke, clawing my way out of some sort of pod full of a honey-like liquid, its thin outer shell easily collapsed. Once out, the liquid began glowing as it heated up at a rapid pace. It burned my skin, sealing any wound I had shut as my skin boiled under its pressure. I scrambled to get it off of me, but it seemed the more I tried the more it covered me. It continued to get hotter and hotter. I could feel my skin peeling back as my skin cells died. It's heat was unbearable. And then, the heat vanished. Replaced with a chilling cold. This cold was not coming from the liquid. No. The liquid was not cold nor hot. But the world around me. The walls, the ceiling, the floor. They emanated Chill. The normally warm looking reds and oranges of my surroundings were now saturated with cold magenta and purple. My breath was visible, even semi-solid at some points.

I got up, the liquid still covering most of my body. Taking even a single step felt like trying to go against my own body. Steam escaped my once burning body into the unforgiving cold of my surroundings. My hazmat suit was missing. In fact, I just noticed I'm not wearing anything. Not like anyone would see me, but it'd be nice to have some clothes in this temperature. Moving my body makes odd crunching sounds. Looking down, I noticed ice crystals forming on my body, seemingly at war with the liquid for coverage. I really need to find the warmer part of this thing. Or maybe it's in the late stage of decay? How would the decay process affect a creature as large as this? Questions I should ask if I escape.

I ran. Ran as fast as my body allowed. Crunch crunch crunch. That is all I heard for however long I ran. A calm feeling washed over me as I entered an open cavity, the odd glowing plant things covered the ceiling. Small vines crept down from them with a faint dim light coming off various points of the vines. Along the countless walls it looked like bones became tentacles, writhing along to an unheard beat. This place was chaos, yet perfect order. The temperature no longer felt freezing, yet was not as warm as before either. I walked slowly, doing my best to not disrupt whatever these things were doing. The cavity broke off into multiple paths, the walls folding in on itself multiple times causing a single room to become almost more, yet still only one. A large insectoid creature was crawling along the plants. It was seemingly tending to them. It had 6 legs, and 4 manipulators, its body was separated into 2, what looked like a head, and a larger body. It had a straw-like thing where a mouth would be. Its countless eyes were always focused on the plants. Despite the non-threatening feeling I get while looking at it, something in the back of my mind told me I shouldn't get it's attention.

While trying to get past it, my eyes adjusted to the dim light that reached the floor. All over, I noticed odd oval shapes, connected by some kind of vein system. The Veins were pulsating, and the objects rocked back and forth in a rhythm with the pulsing. One of the objects begins moving more rapidly, a crack forming on it as something small crawls out of it. It looked like a smaller version of the creature above. The small one looks up at its mother, and wails hungrily. I froze, not of fear since I couldn't feel that while here. But I froze. An instinct beyond fear? No matter why, but I couldn't move. The large creature comes down towards the small one. It lowered its straw mouth down to feed the small one, and inserted it into its abdomen. The small ones body pruned as it shrunk, a sad and fearful shriek echoed from the small one.

The large creature ascended back onto the ceiling, the corpse of the small one slowly turned to ash in front of my eyes. Trying to continue forward seemed to have just become impossible, with that creature above. What if it notices me? Would it eat me too? Looking back at the area I came from, I saw nothing but a wall and all the bone things wiggling on it. Crap. Turning back to the cavity, I try to figure out how to go forward without making any noise, and without being seen. Tip toeing, I have to keep track of the creature while not disturbing the eggs. 1 step. 2 step. 3 step. 4. One foot in front of the o- *SNAP*.

my foot was now surrounded by the yolk of the egg. The corpse of the unfinished small one being impaled by my leg. Terror engulfs me as I turn around to see the creature on the ceiling running in my direction. I had to hide. Looking around there wasn't anything but the writhing bones. God I hope they're weak.

I run towards the wall, and squeeze in-between the uneven bones. It gets tighter, my own bones begin to collapse in on themselves, the pain indescribable until I fall.

.

.

.

No. Not falling. I'm floating. Gravity feels nonexistent, as well does air resistance seem to not exist. I opened my eyes that I didn't even realize I had closed. I saw in front of me… me. An infinitely larger version of myself. Behind me, I saw stars. Galaxies even far, far away. My body begins shutting down. I fell to a molten planet, into its core. The Planetary body surrounds me. Only my pinky finger being the only thing not surrounded. I can't breathe. My subconscious falling into oblivion. My heart slows, my finger grows cold. I can't move. My head spins as unspeakable shapes and unknowable colors flash in my mind. My head hurts. I just…. I just need to go to sleep for a bit…. I'll wake up eventually. . . .

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Two things

This post, written in response to the tag @nostalgebraist mentioned a couple of days ago, seems to have lost its way, so I hope it isn't an annoyance to anyone now.

You asked me about my most ambitious creation, and I tried to be honest. I am a man in the grip of an idea, not an artist.

I'll spare you the details. You can see the fruits of the first step on my way from here to the end. There may not be much farther to go, but I need to see to that first step.

What does it involve?

It means that the world is not a box. Things that are not boxes cannot live, can't be saved, cannot ever make room for each other. If you want to stay afloat and keep the rest of the world from tipping over into the void, there are two things you must do:

1. Accept that not all shapes are equally "good" shapes, and if you have the opportunity, make the ones you like better. Accept that you don't have to make sense any more. (And maybe do some small exercises to make sure you aren't, in fact, one of the un-shapes.)

2. Get into the habit of making new shapes and making them better. Make them into things that could live. There is no fixed "good" shape. They come and they go like waves over a still ocean, waves that might make you think you are safe if you think you've gone in far enough. There is no permanent shape, but the waves can be trusted to continue to exist, and to continue making you feel safe, for a while longer.

3. Let it end, at least for now. (This is the hardest one, but not the hardest step.)

4. Give yourself a new shape. This is a tough one, as well. But if the first three were hard, this fourth one can be impossible. Do not ask yourself what shapes are "better" than others. Try to remember what they feel like. What is it to be them? I can't promise you that you'll make the shape you want. And of course, if you can't do that, don't try to make the shape you want, either.

The point of all this is that you're still here. The waves have just begun. The shape that you make will be all the shape you'll ever need.

I don't know what you want, but I hope I can try to help.

I was trying to be more concise. My writing here is not very good.

This post would probably make sense without the image, but I like it. I'm using it to make myself feel less like a monster for trying to save the world, for wanting to change the shape of things so badly and not succeeding. The world is a lot more frightening, I guess.

I think this is where I left off last time, except that then I was saying that maybe everything is fine. And it was. It was actually very good. It felt like I understood the meaning of life after the end of the world, after the end of the wave, and there was nothing left to do but rest.

But that was before. And it's not too late to change the shape of the world. The wave can still crest and subside without crushing anyone, or anything.

And I just realized that I've got to get this out, before things get really bad again.

I'm making another change now, to the world of Floornight, so here goes.

There is no story in the world of Floornight which can be separated out and studied without destroying it. If a story is told in part, then there is a part that will forever after be an impossible-to-separate-from-the-other-parts, a story in an impossible context.

The story was told at the end of a world. But it was also a story that was part of a much longer one, told in many other parts.

Here is an example.

After an explosion in the ocean, the world of Floornight was almost entirely dark. The lights were still on, and people were still going about their lives, but not many of them. A lot of the people who hadn't managed to get through to the surface could still be seen doing their jobs in dark, gloomy environments, but others were in much darker and deadlier ones, far below the surface. It was dangerous and difficult work, that the rest of us could not see or understand.

The other end of the story was not at the surface.

It was still there, deep down. In the depths of the ocean, some of the deepest waters on the planet, the story had been going on for a very long time, and it wasn't over. It had gone on and on, long after anyone in the world above thought the story was over, or anything like the story at all. There were many different endings to this story, which could not be separated from one another. This was the story. It could not be separated into anything more, by anybody.

This wasn't just another story like a thousand others. It was the story of a world, whose surface had just been blown apart, but whose depths were the true world. This was the true world, the only one that could ever have been.

And so, after all the world's parts had been put together, after they had healed and repaired and been given a chance to grow, this was the story they told, in a story that was both itself and also part of a long one. There was a story for every single part of every single world, and there was a story which had grown from those stories, which drew on them. There was a story for the story of the story of the surface, and for each story of each story that was part of it. A story for each and every part. And a story which would never be finished, because each new part of it was part of the story that came before, which came before that, and so on, and so on, forever and ever.

How would you separate one from the other? How could you, when the world was like this? The story was in all of its parts at once, and that was how it was. There was no story which was not also a part of a larger story. You could not separate one from the other. But you could destroy it, at least as a whole.

And so, we did. We destroyed the world as a whole. We destroyed what was left of the story, the parts of the story which were stories about destruction, about the impossibility of finding a way to tell a story which was not the story of the story.

And now, we are the world. We are the story of the story of the story of the end of a world, of the story of every story that ever had a story. We can no longer be separated from our part in that.

It can be done.

It can be done.

I can

[werdlewrites]

Season of The Witch (Steve Harrington x OC?)

Chapter Two: Death

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UPDATED 7/21/24

Summary: “Can I help you with something? Are you lost?” There’s finally some recognition, a twist of discomfort as he can sense the tension building between them already. He opens his mouth to retort but she beats him to it. “Did that orange ball smack your big head so hard you forgot where you were?” “Alright, alright,” he says rather quickly, annoyed at just how pleased she was with herself. “I come in peace,” he says with both hands held out, palms towards her in good faith. “Yeah, I’m sure." Warnings: Smoking, anti Steve (for now), witchery, panic/anxiety attack Word Count: 3707

Time was stretching on forever. Leaving Autumn lingering in an unknown void, a trance. Watching as the water slowly eased its way down into the soil of her ninth, or tenth, plant of the morning. She would study it closely, making a guess if it was either too much or too little, and moving forward after that. It was slow, tedious, and sometimes therapeutic, but not when you’ve struggled for another night of sleep. 

Autumn had awoken before the sun had even kissed the sky of Hawkins, unsettled and uncomfortable in her own bed. She only tossed and turned through most of the night, and in the moments of peace she did find, she was only met with hushed conversations in the furthest reaches of her mind. Voices, not of anyone she knew, and certainly not of her own. 

This hadn’t been the first time they’d called out to her as she laid her head down to rest. It was one of many curses, or gifts, as her father would call them. Autumn would call them neither, only pieces of herself that she has struggled to cope with throughout her life. From imaginary friends when she was only a child to actively experiencing moments she couldn’t recognize or place. She had thought she was spiraling into madness, and so did everyone else—safe for her father, who helped her find the way. He was encouraging, full of guidance and support, as he purchased any book she asked for to better herself and her understanding of just what was happening. With age came acceptance; acceptance created hatred from others.

The girl didn’t have much. People feared her without much knowledge, pitied her, or simply thought she was the odd one out.

Autumn had her plants, a father who cared in his own way, Jonathan, and a dream to get the fuck out of Hawkins. To a place where people welcomed her if it even existed.

She downs the last of her coffee, staring in silence at the now-empty mug in debate over a second cup. The sun has yet to make an appearance, and the lack of sleep is weighing heavily on the girl. A looming cloud filled with heavy rain drenching Autumn until her feet sink deep into the earth, unable to move onward. Each step drains life from her—a fight. 

The only peace she holds onto is knowing that it’s Friday, the final day of torment before a weekend with the Byers. Autumn leaves the mug behind, opting for a hot shower to further push her into the morning and away from a tempting nap before the alarm sounds. She can still hear the voices calling, but only as a memory that she doesn’t wish to return to.

There was the usual onslaught of unnecessary comments the moment her feet touched down at the high school. Maybe it was the lack of sleep—maybe it was something in the air that day—but her patience was wearing thin the moment someone gave her an odd look. The wire was only twisting tighter and tighter in her gut with every passing remark and glance, and within seconds, a cigarette had found its way to her lips, panicked fingers running along the wheel until it finally provided a flame. It sends a rush of relief and nicotine through her body—a destructive distraction. 

As her lungs filled, those momentary worries seemed not so worrisome. Her tense shoulders had now fallen, and her frame leaned up against the brick wall of the school building, ignoring the murmurs as they passed right by and through the doors. Her knee was bouncing wildly, still lingering in the effects of anxiety, until she forced it out straight with a final drag of her cigarette, crushing the end of it into the wall before making her way inside. It’s as busy as ever. No one seemed to be in a real rush to get to class early, all lingering as if they hadn’t seen each other the day before. Friday did, in a small way, feel like a piece of the weekend.

There was one part of her Friday she did not anticipate, though. He was leaning against her locker, waiting with an almost impatient look on his face as his eyes flicked through the crowd in search of her. King Steve Harrington is the star of the basketball and swim team. Cocky as all hell, Nancy Wheeler’s special something, and Autumn’s very long, lost friend. 

He was so lost that she couldn’t remember the last time she enjoyed his company, and yet somehow, he was at her locker. Honey-colored eyes lock on her within seconds, and he gives her a small, awkward wave. As the distance between them lessened, her heart rate only seemed to go up, already missing that poisonous friend she had left outdoors to calm her aching nerves.

“You’re in my way, Harrington.” 

His smile doesn’t falter, but he does inch away from her space, just enough so she can open the metal door with great unease. She takes her time, pretending to look through her books or her bag, as she can feel those same eyes burning a hole through the shield meant to deter him. A bagged lunch is tossed inside, along with other items she didn’t require for the first half of the day, before she closes it, looking unimpressed and irritated to see that the boy hasn’t moved at all. “Can I help you with something? Are you lost?” 

There’s finally some recognition. A twist of discomfort, as he can sense the tension building between them already. He opens his mouth to retort, but she beats him to it. “Did that orange ball smack your big head so hard you forgot where you were?” 

“Alright, alright,” he says rather quickly, annoyed at just how pleased she was with herself. “I come in peace.” Both hands are offered out, palms towards her in good faith. But she doesn’t quite buy it.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Tommy around the corner? Just waiting t’throw some pig's blood on me?” 

Steve seems taken aback by her comment, brows knitted together in pure confusion before hands fall to his hips, cocked to the side. “What? Why-no! That’s disgusting. There’s no—there's no blood here.” 

“Great. Then I suppose I can spare the world from my rage just one more day,” she teases, though her fake smile easily falls flat, still wondering why after all of this time Steve would bother to come to her one-on-one. She had only seen him from afar as they drifted apart—as he found new crowds to surround himself with. They influenced him in ways that changed her view of him forever, watching as he became someone she could no longer recognize. And while Steve never attacked her directly, he never stopped it. That alone spoke volumes.

Steve pinches at the bridge of his nose, feeling unfocused, and he is desperate to get back on track, while she seems determined to keep him off of it. “Look, I came because... I wanted t’ask for a favor,” he finally admits with a sigh. It’s enough to leave a brow raised in curiosity. “I was wondering if you could do, y’know, a reading.” 

“Readings aren’t ‘favors’, Steve. That costs,” she holds up her hand, rubbing her thumb along her fingertips, the sign for ‘cash’ and he instantly rolls his eyes, shoulders slumped. 

“Okay, well, I can pay. Can we do one today? During lunch?” 

In their time apart, she had never imagined herself here, agreeing to Steve Harrington and his request. But, here she was. Nodding along to his plan to meet up at the bleachers midday. He seemed breathless, a little too eager for her liking as he jogged away from her, all the while she looked at him like any other customer.

Autumn had nearly slept through her classes. The beginning always seemed to start so well, and by the end, she was heavy-lidded, leaning into her palm so hard that she swore she could have torn her own face off. At one point, she was gone. The voice of the teacher had faded out, replaced with sweet nothingness—at least that’s what it seemed. For a moment, all behind closed eyes was black. A sweet relief, though brief, as something unsettling creeps in. 

The sound of misery—desperate pleas from a soft and pained voice just at her back. So close, it almost feels too real. The agony is squeezing at her chest as frantic breath ghosts along the shell of her ear. She’s almost grateful as a kick to her ankle rips her back into reality. 

The light rushed in with wide, dazed eyes, searching for the source of the voice. It was almost blinding, her eyes blinking away the blurred vision to focus back on her teacher and then on Jonathan. He sits with a smug look on his face, hiding behind a hand as a smile creeps in. Though her glare fails to waiver, amusement turns to worry, mouthing, “Are you okay?” 

It’s the last thing she needs. Having someone stress over her without the ability to pull her from the fire. Autumn wears a forced smirk, her middle finger rising just under her folded arms to say, "Fuck you.” 

He’s quick to shift focus downward, scoffing in amusement with the roll of his eyes. With his mind set at ease, he returns to the lesson, and she slumps further into her seat—attention forward but mind elsewhere.

Friday was no weekend. Not this time.

When lunch had come around, Autumn was happily laid out on the bleachers. Soaking up what little sun was available to them that day as the clouds roamed high above, consuming the sky. The air was chilled, comforting her aching muscles from the long night before. The air was still and quiet enough to offer her comfort as her eyes slipped shut, finding peace away from all of the noise inside the cafeteria. 

With her lunch devoured on sight and the beast within now tamed, she was able to drift into a state of calm. A mistake on her part was letting time pass by carelessly. Ignorant to just how long her eyes would remain closed for. She could have spent the day out there, her mind full of fragility as she gave in to the long, sleepless night. She’d catch a cold and land under a stern stare from the principal and her father for unintentionally skipping class. She puts blind faith in Harrington, hoping he will do good on his word and pull her from the edge just before she fades out.

“There, I did it,” the child states happily. In her palm, she holds what she believes to be a delicate piece of art. Something she’s worked hard for, following every instruction, no matter how frustrating. 

She marvels at the simple design, making notes on where to add more polka dots on the folded-up sheet of paper. Her eyes wander, finding her friend oblivious to her finished project as he smoothes out the creases of his own paper game. In comparison, hers seems like a wadded-up ball. Uneven folds and words show where they shouldn’t have been. She doesn’t question it at first, simply casting looks back and forth until he finally finishes. 

His sweet eyes are prideful, a blissful smile shining as he holds it up for her to see. Then, it all seems to shift. Victory is long gone, and he’s locked in a trance over her attempt. Without warning, a laugh slips through. “What did you do?” 

The girl at his side holds an empty stare, unsure if she should be laughing along with him or hurt by his comment. “I did what you said,” she replied plainly, her brows knitting together as his amusement grew. 

“Give me that.” He trades their pieces, and she watches as he works in silence. Her paper is unfolded to lay flat against the small desk, his smile stretching as he reads over the options given. “Make more friends" lies right next to “Get a dog,” and he can’t fight the tug at his heart. Sparing a look her way, he watches as she pulls at his tabs, a look of irritation at just how good he was at designing them. “You’re cheating.” 

Young eyes flick up to stare at the boy, easing the fold back down to hide the message. “Sorry.” Her voice is low, barely audible, and she seems almost ashamed. 

“N-no, it’s okay, really. You’re just supposed t’go by your gut,” he reassures gently before his focus moves back to her own, where he begins to fold it evenly with care. “I guess it’s about fate, or whatever.” Her spine straightens and her fingers slip inside the pockets, practicing the game by herself while he works. 

“You like dogs?” She shrugs in response, her expression confirming that curiosity. “What kind?” Another weak shrug. 

“Don't know. All dogs, I think.” 

“Maybe you’ll get one for Christmas,” he suggests with a toothy grin, though faltering ever so slightly as the enthusiasm isn’t returned. If anything, he swears her eyes shift into something more somber.

“Hey!”

Alarms are sounding off in her head at the sudden disruption. Her body comes to life with shock as chilled air sweeps in to burn her resting lungs. There’s no more peace, only the sound of his voice booming across the field, calling out her name. 

Through one cracked-open eye, Autumn swore she could see him waving for her attention as he ran the rest of the way. She’s not sure if she’s pleased by just how timely he was or if there’s disappointment that she couldn’t steal away another moment of quiet. 

"Sorry, sorry,” he stammers, clearly breathless, with his hands resting lazily on his hips. “I got held up. Y’know, girl stuff.” 

Autumn remains unamused, eyeing him with remnants of the person he used to be. Running out to sit on these very bleachers to hide their cigarettes or the place they met a few yards away to put an end to the tattered friendship. For a moment, she wonders what it all would have been like. “Yeah, girl stuff. D’you want this reading or not?” 

A rush of excitement seems to move through him, a spark as his eyes light up, and maybe even a hint of a smile. Maybe there was a piece of him that didn’t think she would still be willing to help. “Y-yeah! One second,” he says in a panicked voice, scrambling towards the other end of the bleachers to begin his climb up to her. The chilled metal stings his skin, shaking out his hands by the time he is up at her level, sitting just across from her with eyes glued to her bag as she rummages through it. “How can you sit out here?” 

Autumn pauses in her search, blowing hair from her face and shaking it away to meet his curious gaze. “I’m sorry. D’you want t’go inside? I can do magic there." 

“No!” The boy yells, a little unexpected for both of them, as the air immediately becomes painfully silent afterward, heavy with discomfort, though she could only smile. “O-out here is...fine.” 

Autumn waits another moment. She waits for him to settle and be sure of his choices before she pulls out a Tarot deck from her bag, setting it between the pair. “Can’t be caught fraternizing with the witch,” she chuckles. “Alright, here’s how this works. I do cash up front; no refunds. Your destiny is your own, blah blah. All of that bullshit. D’you have any questions?”

 Steve seems unsettled, though he gives a quick shake of his head to let her begin. The boy leans in with his elbows resting on denim-clad knees, chewing at his lips as his nerves build into something he is unable to ignore. “D’you want a palm reading or one from the cards?” 

That seemed to pique some interest, with his eyes beaming up at her in confusion through fallen locks of hair. “What?” 

“A palm reading is three bucks. Five from the cards and ten for a large spread.” 

It was then that he sat back, a clear look of annoyance in his expression as he glared at her, pure disbelief in her words. “I heard you did Heather’s for cheaper.” 

“Yeah, I like Heather.” 

The comment leaves him stunned, blinking with a dumbfounded look in his eyes, and together they sit in silence, almost as if he is waiting for her to change her reply. To make a joke of it all. Autumn remains calm and steady, leaving Steve to surrender and bitch about the pricing as he digs through his wallet, practically tossing the five-dollar bill at her, just to end the awkward moment only he seemed to be suffering from. “What d’you want t’know?”

Steve had come here with a goal in mind, but getting him to actually confess it had his palms sweating as he rubbed them together. There was hesitancy, a sudden skip in his chest that left him breathless for only a moment. “I-I want t’know about me and Nance.” 

And no matter his look of pain and discomfort, Autumn was smiling from ear to ear, hands already gently shuffling the cards once pulled from their tin. “Feeling a little insecure, are we?”

“What? No,” he bites back, though it’s shrugged off by the receiver. 

“And what is it you want t’know?” 

“Uh,” his thumbs are fiddling together, fighting for the right words—she pretends not to notice as she continues to shuffle, not in preparation but mostly to calm her nerves. “Will I-” Autumn shuts his question down before it truly begins, waving her hand between the two in disagreement. 

“No, no. ‘Will I’ questions lock you into 'yes' or 'no'. Ask ‘How’ or ‘What’.” 

Steve whispers an “Oh,” with eyes fluttering elsewhere, rethinking the question to something more suitable. “What does my future with Nancy look like?” 

Boring. It's what most of them want these days. Anything in regards to love with their current partner or from their ex, or if they will ever find the missing piece to their ever-growing puzzle of life. On occasion, some would seek more benefits towards more personal goals. Colleges, larger-than-life sports teams, or simply if they made it anywhere at all. Of course, Autumn could never say, "Looks like you'll win the lottery." But her readings were enough to provide hope or crush dreams right on the spot. Whatever the outcome, she was a few bucks richer. And no matter the history between the two, Steve would be no different. The cards favored and pitied no one. 

Her eyes are closed, focusing the dull and expected question into the deck that she sorts through with quick hands, cards flying with ease. Slow and steady breaths fill her chest, unaware of the curious gaze moving between her and the cards. Uncertain if he should do or say anything and how it all really works, he sits in silence until further instructed. But when she pauses, looking stone-faced and serious, he can't fight the audible gulp before the cards are spread out along the icy, rigid seat. Autumn is determined, wasting no time before pulling a single card and laying it face up before Steve. He’s uncertain of it all, but he isn’t blind, and the words paired with imagery are enough to have his fingers anxiously dig into his jeans.

Death.

"Pfft," the girl let out an airy chuckle, hiding behind her present, joyous smile while the boy was wide-eyed with panic. It’s one of her favorite cards in the deck, one that causes mayhem as the client seeks to understand it—just like now. 

“What? What is that?” It sounded like a question, but his tone was forceful, demanding, seeking acknowledgment immediately, and growing more aggravated the more she laughed. “Hello? What the fuck is that? Why does that say ‘Death’?” 

“Calm down, Harrington." 

“No, I don’t like that. You pulled way too quick.” 

Autumn reels back at the comment, an obvious look of offense on her face, and for a moment she is too stunned to reply back. Mouth hung agape, biting back all of the things she had wanted to say since the start of freshman year. “This is how I do things. I go by feeling and gut instinct. Besides, Death isn’t all that bad.”

Steve looked as though his old friend had just grown a second head—bizarre and confusing. How is that even possible? “Uh-huh? D’you want to elaborate on that for me? That big orange ball, y’know. It really smacked me around.” He teases, his large hands creating a sphere around his head as he rattles himself around within it dramatically.

“Death is the ending of a cycle. A beginning, a change—metamorphosis. D’you know-?” 

“Yeah, I know what metamorphosis is.” He spits out, defensive. 

“But when reversed, there are... new meanings. Fear of change, never moving forward, and so on.” 

"Yeah, but y-you laid it upright,” Steve says quietly, his finger firmly pressed down on the card, drawing her attention back to the symbol between the two. 

Without further hesitation, she lets out a loud, “Dun, dun, dun.” Out of the two of them, only she finds it amusing, while Steve is merely rolling his eyes with hands running along his thighs from anxiety. 

“Come on, that’s not funny. I want another pull." 

The laughter stops, and she’s bent forward, her open palm exposed for his cash to fall into her grasp. “D’you have another five for a full spread?” 

“N-no, but I can pay you next week.” 

With that, Death along with her many other cards, are swiped up and neatly laid in their place, protected from whatever harm may come to them. “Cash up front. Don’t sweat it, Harrington. You two just got together, yeah?” He nods wordlessly, everything he wants to say caught in his throat. “Change is coming. Growth for the two of you.” 

"Is that good or bad?” Autumn shrugs, the tin now resting safely in the depths of her bag before it’s swung over her shoulder. 

“That’s up to the two of you.”

[cityandking]

black 4, green 2, purple 2, silver 4 for daichi, minah & anticlea!

I love u!! // medieval heraldry oc asks

Has your OC always feared the loss of the same thing - perhaps a loved one, a valuable artifact or a carefully nurtured reputation? Or do they look back with amusement on what once felt important to them?

DAICHI — well his worldview (worlds-view?) has expanded quite a great deal recently, but at the end of the day he's always feared loss of the same thing, which is his person (people, now). there's a reason he went shield paladin and all that. he stands by his conviction. MINAH — minah looks back at what she used to fear losing with immense cynicism and some measure of self-disgust. she's lost a lot over the years and has very much revised her hierarchy of what's important CLEA — she's always feared loss of the same thing (a loved one), but it wasn't a real fear until suddenly it was. she was a grandmother already when it went from a distant, theoretical fear to a real thing. but it was also the kind of fear she could act on, so she did, to the best of her ability.

How hopeful is your OC about the future? Do they see things as becoming better in general - either for them personally or the world at large? Or do they feel as if decline and disaster are inevitable and all that can be done is to delay the final end for as long as possible?

DAICHI — okay well first of all until very recently daichi's thoughts about the future were *static noises* in a sort of self-sacrificial, passively suicidal way (which. self-fulfilling prophecy I guess), so on the personal level I wouldn't say there was a lot of hope. in terms of a theoretical future that may or may not involve him, he felt. pretty bleak actually? like he was well aware of the Void and its creeping tendrils and the Owl Traveller and the staining of the worlds and all that so. not a great look! but he also doesn't believe it's an inevitable decline, and is (was) quite willing to give his life for the possibility of a better ending (also a self-fulfilling prophecy maybe?) and he'll stand by that decision a hundred times over. he's a creature of faith, no matter how much of a struggle that might be. sorry to his loved ones. MINAH — gonna level with you, I don't think minah has thought about the future. she's a live-in-the-moment kind of gal. that said, she's not an optimist to begin with, and with the way things are trending right now (especially given the Orlais-Tevinter tensions and the Blight and the Tevinter cults and all that) she's not super hopeful. things are fucked. CLEA — clea absolutely 100% unequivocally believes that things will turn out right and we can make it so. even in the darkest and bleakest of times she believes in the power of turning on a little light and planting something to watch it grow

Is your OC comfortable in the higher echelons of society, such as aristocratic functions or assemblies of the rich and powerful? Or do they prefer to avoid these events if possible?

DAICHI — he's definitely uncomfortable among shows of wealth and power and Would Prefer Not To. however, paradoxically, the higher echelons are some of the most regulated by rules of politeness and propriety and that is something dai can navigate without trouble. give him a hundred social rules to memorize and he's golden. MINAH — she really doesn't get on well with nobility, and given the option, she'd avoid aristocratic functions and assemblies always and forever. that said, she could fake it til she makes it pretty damn well—she's got the charisma for it and she's a slippery little bastard. she'd hate every second of it tho. CLEA — she's not super comfortable, but she's also old and set in her ways and wouldn't really have an issue. she's passed through plenty of high society functions in her time adventuring. at best she finds it invigorating and at worst she finds it irritating, but regardless, she can hold her own just fine. (she really doesn't like the fey courts tho)

Do others find your OC easy to believe? Or is there something about them that makes others distrustful or cynical about their motives or trustworthiness?

DAICHI — his flat 0 charisma mod says it's a little dicey, but honestly he's a forthright guy, and I think he exudes an air of stalwart honesty and trust. it's not just that he can't lie; it's that he wouldn't. he's got Good Vibes MINAH — and on the other hand...... despite the high charisma (and deception) mod, I think she's got just enough edge to her to put people off. she can mask it when she's doing a job or if she's with a casual acquaintance, but long term exposure to her is like. yeah. it's clear that she's squirrelly and a little untrustworthy and a little sharp around the edges in ways that aren't obvious on first meeting CLEA — the only dishonest bones in her body are the sly and insightful grandmotherly kinds. she clearly means well, but she'll also use her old lady charms to be a little conniving when the occasion calls for it

[kg-clark-inthedark]

Chapter 8 of Beyond the Spheres by kg_clark on Ao3

What is it that makes someone who they are? Is it their actions? Perhaps their thoughts actually have the final say. Or maybe knowledge makes the person. You’d think with all the time I spent observing humanity from the Void I would have figured out an answer to this by now. But was it a question I ever bothered to pose up until this point?

There’s no counting the number of births and deaths I’ve witnessed. Millions of lifetimes have flashed into and back out of existence, ever brief in my eyes. In comparison to all futures forever unraveling out in front of me like frayed threads, the life of a single human always seemed comically insignificant. The only times I saw actual value in individuals, my marked, was when I foresaw that their actions would have vast ripples upon the world. They were actors in the play that the whole of history was putting on just for me, an audience of one.

These days I couldn’t feel more differently. I’m one of them now, a person, and every little moment of my life feels significant . When I look at Corvo now in our cabin, quietly packing his things for this afternoon’s arrival in Dunwall, I know for certain that he’s significant. I can feel that straight down to my bones. And that brings me back to a variation of the original question, what makes Corvo who he is?

Corvo is a man easily recognizable by his loyalty, reliability, and resilience. Anybody who’s heard the legends of his battles for the Empire or seen him in the same room as Emily, watching protectively, understands these things about him. However, there are many hidden sides to Corvo Attano that I’ve been privileged to witness. His caring spirit coexists with a cruel counterpart, dancing lovingly, keeping it in check. There is, as I’ve noted before, a deep desire for revenge lurking within him, ready to come out whenever he or a loved one is wronged. However, he’s also patient and subtle. As I’ve paid closer attention I’ve noticed he often second guesses himself more than he lets on. He’s sensitive, so very sensitive.

It’s that understanding of his sensitivity that sets my teeth on edge, even this morning, as I recount my behavior over the last week while I silently pack my belongings. I can’t push him away like that again. Ever. His petrified expression when I was materialized back into the apartment from the Void, when he came out onto the ship deck frantically searching for me the other night…that’s a fear of his that I need to acknowledge, to prevent myself from triggering as much as possible. Of course, after the perilous lifetime of loss that he’s experienced, he’s ever wary of its threat. First there was his father’s accident, then his sister’s disappearance, his mother’s sickness, Jessamine’s assassination, and then Emily was taken twice. Even I was lost to him in a way, until recently.

As someone who’s never loved before, the full weight of all his loss is difficult to comprehend, but I’m trying to understand him better every day. I’ll accept his protectiveness, his care, his kindness, even if I don’t deserve it. Because in truth, it’s not really about me. These are aspects of himself he’s giving to me. Who am I to decide whether I’m worthy to receive them?

When we emerge together from below deck, Dunwall is looming in the distance. Its gray, high walls and cliffs shoot dramatically up from the waters. Emily is pulling Wyman excitedly over to the bow, pointing happily at the shore. Unlike Corvo, who had to acclimate to the bustling city and its dull weather, Emily has never known anything else. Dunwall is her sole home, through and through.

Corvo and I also find ourselves soon leaning against the gunwale as well, although on the port side instead. His arm wraps comfortably around my waist and I soften into his touch. I missed this.

“Are you looking forward to being back in Dunwall?” I ask. Corvo’s fingers curl into the side of my abdomen affectionately.

“In some ways. I’m mostly looking forward to having you here with me.”

“I’m happy to be joining you,” I reply, gaining a shining, almost relieved-looking smile from him. I revisit my thoughts down in the cabin - thoughts of who he is, so different from me and missing centuries of knowledge that I have, yet so skilled at understanding me at times.

“I want to thank you,” I say somewhat out of the blue. Corvo raises an eyebrow, silently asking me to reveal what it is I’m referring to. “For knowing what to say to me last night. You always know what to say somehow.”

“Well I can’t take full credit this time. Emily helped,” Corvo admits.

I look over to her at the front point of the ship, leaning so far over the edge to look at the incoming shore that Wyman feels the need to pull her back. They both laugh as she sticks her tongue out and feints a jab at his stomach to make him flinch.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I told her a little bit about what was going on. She’s who I talk to about things and I was in a bad place,” Corvo explains. I can’t help the twinge of guilt that arises at his last sentence, but I swallow it down as he continues. “I only told her partial truths, that you’re being threatened by members of a cult and that I’ll be protecting you. She got my head out of my ass and started me thinking more about how guilty you must have been feeling about everything because of my involvement.”

“How would she have guessed I was feeling that way?” I ask.

“Well she used to feel similarly because of everything I’ve done to protect her.” Corvo pauses, as if just the thought of her feeling that way harms him. “She thought she had done something wrong, as if she herself was the cause of my hardships. She doesn’t feel that way anymore though,” Corvo explains. Sounds familiar. I glance over at Emily one more time. Her and I have more in common than I originally thought.

Corvo then adds with some hesitation, “Once again, I hope you don’t mind that I told her a bit about you.”

“Of course not. She’s your daughter,” I assure him. “Whatever you speak with her about is up to you. I figure soon enough you’ll want to fully tell her who I am…or was. That’s fine with me as well.”

“Eventually, yes, but not until she gets to know you more. She did tell me yesterday that she likes you though,” Corvo says, a bashful expression forcing its way onto his face. “So that’s a start.”

“Uh oh, you’re really stuck with me now if Emily already approves,” I jest, flashing him a teasing smile. The one he gives back to me doesn’t match though, and is instead warm and affectionate and so unbearably sweet that my teeth almost ache just looking at it.

“That’s my hope.”

Right. Of course Corvo wants to be with me for a long time. I had already assumed that. Never once have I seen him pursue a short term relationship. He wouldn’t have made the commitment to protect me from such a powerful threat just in hopes for a fling. And I’m moving in with him today, for Void’s sake.

Yes, I knew all of that, so why does hearing him say it out loud have me smiling like an absolute buffoon? I spend the next few minutes imagining a future, frustratingly unverifiable through my now-limited eyes, in which the two of us remain together - A future where everything goes right, where his arm stays right here wrapped around me, holding me close to him where I belong.

For a moment there I almost forget the Void exists at all.

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[lycanxlovergirl]

Im processing stuff rn. Im pretty sure two people irl have a crush on me and idk what to do about that. They are not making any moves tho. How do I start even TT. Its crazy, one is a 2 years younger girl than me so yeah its not happening cause im 18 soon and its weird. The second one is A GUY my age... damn... AND IRL??? WTH. It happened only once or twice in elementary school literally and by total outcasts that dont lesve their basements... (I was one of them) but know its a man, a beautiful man whos ambitious and hard working... like wth... but we dont talk anymore so its weird between us. Or maybe Im delusional but hes stalking my socials from a fake account at least 2 times a week... I know its him its obvious like fr... so silly. I figured it out already darling. But like is he gonna do a move or shi or we just chillin. I just gotta mind my business cause I aint want no relationship... also not with a man... ew... I mean he is like yk 10/10 and it happens like never. Im really picky. Also it just feels bad that I cant do anything about it and I have a crush on someone for years now. I tried to fill up the void with other people but they never like me back. And the only people that have a crush on me or want me are online so its like no one cause im so much different irl (uglier). Well I guess I just sit and watch. I miss my soulmate tho. Nothing fills the empty feeling. Its sad and frustrating making me wanna give up on everything. I really want to give up on love. I swear to god if he marries someone before meeting me Im staying single forever. Like I wont love anyone else ever. It hurts cause I think that we'll never meet. And even if we did we wont click. Literally without him I dont have a purpose. Its like the highest purpose. So if I lose him to someone my whole life will be ruined and Im not sure I will be able to stand up from this. For now I still have a chance but Im so lost. So many questions but no answers. No one knows how to help me. What do I do. Why do I have to fall for someone that doesn't know I exist. Why? And why its not passing? I thought I will find someone in real life and forget. But I dont want anyone. Im sad and feelin defeated. I need rest. I will work hard on it. I hope we meet. Just once. Or maybe more.

[stfuviolet1]

it's not that hard after all, aint it?

If there's one thing I learn for the past months it'd be;

self love > anything else

All this while I've always thought its impossible to love myself that I often seek other individual's validation on me. As a result? I was never really at peace with myself. I seek someone else's love to fill in the void in me, hoping they would love me for who I am just because I couldn't seem to do it for myself. The void that I myself created because of all the insecurities that has grown in me since forever has given me a hard time to look at myself in the mirror and love what I'm seeing. Until one day I realise, no one's gonna do it for me other than me, no one's gonna love me more than me, no one's gonna be there with me forever other than me. I am the person who I wake up with, go to sleep with, living live with for as long as I'm alive. like shit really slaps me hard realising that I am my own person, my own friend, my own lover how could I treat myself less than what I deserve I mean is it not bad enough I let other human beings destroy me from within and now I'm being a jerk to my own self? what a JERK. okay I take that back, I've made a vow to never ever speak ill towards myself again even if I'm about to make the biggest mistake in my life. yeah sure I'm gonna be devastated but hey, isn't mistake the best teacher?

Looking back, I'm glad where life has taken me to. Im not gonna lie 2023 is the most dull year I've ever lived in so far but I'm also not gonna lie its also the year where I learnt a lot about self love. the price I have to pay to get to where I am now? 5 months of depression, heartbreaks, lost of partner and friendships. But I guess I rather have 1 uncomfortable year than stuck in misery forever. I feel like a newborn, new person, like I'm slowly getting myself back, taking back what I've lost and most importantly I'm taking control of what used to control me. yes bitch I'm getting that boss behaviour back and no one and nothing can stop me from doing so. I am SO GONNA WIN. I don't give a flying fuck of what people think of me, whether or not they gonna love or accept me, I will still have my back. cause guess what? not a single soul understands me more than I do so why not just be my own muse, my own fighter my own therapist. I don't have anything to lose as I've made peace with the fact that its not that bad to live life alone. Sure I still want a partner to share life with but if I'm destined to be alone, its okay too. No matter how alone I am, I am not gonna let myself feeling lonely. There are always ways to cherish life and now I'm just gonna focus living life and enjoy the littlest thing.