#but ive just gotten very comfortable with the idea that im not a very strong person

[yugocar]

one of the best/most healing things about living alone was my weakness not being a disappointment/burden to anyone

[torialefay]

Ooo new dorm arrangements! It made sense to me imo. Ive been a stay for a weird amount of time: started in 2019 and im on and off every other year. I usually listen to bands like ptv, sws, and bmth, uhhh... kinda the music my emo friends listened to in the early 2010s, so i end up coming and going.

Anyways, i remember watching "finding skz" and the survival show back in 2019/2020, and i think it's mentioned that when they all lived in one dorm, I.N. tends to clean up after them, but i think it was implied it was more like "maknae's chores." If my memory is still intact, I.N. everyones favorite roommate bc he's pretty organized and has good style... and he's the youngest, so they can dote on him but also boss him around lmao. Chan was the one most of them wanted to avoid rooming with purely bc he's not only organized, but he was strict on them and their leader, so he had the right to boss them around. They werent all familiar with each other on a personal level back then, just on a professional level, so it was kinda like rooming with your boss in a way lol. His tendency to go naked around the dorm and dote on them probably also contributed to that reason, but it was still really early in their career so they were reluctant to mention anything too """"scandalous"""" on camera. But yeah, those two together fit, especially now, since they've gotten to know each other a lot better and have chilled out.

Minsung together, obviously. I don't see them as clingy with each other as a lot of people seem to think. They're comfortable, secure, and read each other well. They dont necessarily need each other to live, but it's certainly much, much better together.

Changbin and Hyunjin. An emotionally aware person with a really emotional person. Changbin likes to play up his "crush" on Hyunjin for the camera, but i think he knows everyones boundaries enough to know when to reel it back. They seem to accommodate for each other and are still getting to know each other better, but then again, im not at all caught up on everything and dont know any of them personally lmao

Felix and Seungmin... for some reason, they seem both more emotionally attached yet also more emotionally distant than I see stay mentioning. The company's really pushing the "Felix is not human, he's a fairy" idea for a while now, and from an outsider's view, hes very pretty and im sure hes a very sweet person, but it looks a bit... tiring keeping that up.. and Seungmin is known for his "do what i want" attitude, especially lately with his "aiming for jyp" comments, and whatnot... idk where im going with this.... uhh ... well, i think their place is just them chilling. Just dudes being bros and getting a strong sense of being normal guys without the company rules on their image and being casual with each other. "Its not that deep until it is" vibes where they'll do the dude thing and not talk about their feelings much when they hang out, but every now and then, they'll let it all out, but its pretty rare.

you are kinda my life savor anon, coming through with all the hard-hittinf evidence to solidify my thoughts 🥺😂

i really do think the chan/i.n. dorm will work out great... other than innie having to see chris naked from time to time ig. but also, i feel like chris is kinda more respectful towards in??? idk it's just the vibe i get. and to be fair, i wishhhhh we got to see more of strict chris so bad. like when they talk ab it, i wanna see videos so bad. so if you have any recommendations, pls lmk. it's just so hard for me to picture him being scary 😭😂

oh no i agree 100%. like minho/jisung are just chilling to themselves most of the time, but i feel like they are also the type to be at their dorm and one of them is like "hey we got invited to go do xyz. do you want to go?" "not really..." and then they just smile at each other in unison bc it's easier for both to say no than just one. idk idk i feel like theyre just good for each other

oh yes, i'm firmly on team "changbin knows exactly what he's doing." like i genuinely feel so similar to changbin sometimes bc i am truly the same way, but like you can tell when it's a healthy vs unhealthy amount... and i think hyunjin likes that little bit of attention 😭😭😭 i think they're just good for each other

okay so i know felix is our sweet lil sunshine baby, but i just KNOW behind the scenes, he's way more "dude" than what his image shows. like idk if anyone has proof but i just feel it in my bones that he can be lowkey really crude & that seungmin eats that shit up. like i think seungmin probably finds it really fucking funny. bc we've all seen the clips of felix cursing... a lot. i just know seungmin is influenced by it. like 100%. seungmins "i'll fucking punch you".... yeah, those two belong together <3

editing to add: omg omg the emo and pop punk phase will also never die out for me 😭😭 we are one and the same baby. i finally got to see black veil brides a couple of years ago and it was like all of my teenage fantasies were coming true 😭😭

[youngpettyqueen]

finished The Heart of the Warrior! was in a reading mood today and blazed through like. half of it, almost. we love a reading mood

this one was mostly read on my phone, hence the lack of posts about it. overall, I quite enjoyed it, though I do consider it an overall weaker book. review under the cut

this book has a very distinct A plot and B plot, which is pretty typical of some DS9 episodes, but so far hasn't been the case with the books ive read so it was interesting! I think this approach had its strengths and its weaknesses, which ill get into

the A plot of this book is Kira, Worf, and Odo going on a rescue mission to get a Federation informant out of Dominion imprisonment in the Gamma Quadrant. conceptually its a fantastic idea, with some cool additional concepts thrown in like personal clockers based on Romulan tech. Kira, Worf, and Odo make for a great trio and I really enjoyed a lot of their interactions, and I especially enjoyed the chunks of this story where it was Kira and Worf having to figure shit out themselves and fly by the seat of their pants

this story was, however, the weaker of the two. the rescue mission ultimately turns out to be mostly a bust- they get the informant but none of the information they needed, so there isnt really a payoff for this story. the aforementioned Romulan tech is also barely relevant and ultimately doesnt live up to its potential. the original characters introduced for this story dont do much- a Changeling that doesnt do anything, and an original species guy who really only serves to get our protagonists either into trouble or out of it when the plot needs to advance. there also isnt much done in the way of developing character relationships, which was an especially big letdown for me, cause I was really excited for the Kira and Worf side of this book

despite my grievances, there are still parts of this story to enjoy. theres some interesting Odo exploration as he interacts with other Changelings and with Jem'Hadar. what we did get of Worf and Kira's interactions was fun, and emphasized how they respect each other as warriors. I also enjoyed exploring Jem'Hadar and Changeling ships. one of my favourite elements of this though had to be Worf getting to study the Jem'Hadar, and relating their practices to Klingon practices. those passages were always really interesting

onto the B plot, this one was really compelling to read. it follows Sisko dealing with negotiations between the Cardassians, the Federation, the Maquis, and the Valtusians, while also dealing with a fanatic Vedek who wants the Gul on the station dead for war crimes. Sisko truly cannot catch a fucking break in this one, and it makes for an entertaining read at his expense. it also highlights the tensions still going strong on all sides of these negotiations, and the strain the war is putting on everybody

this was really Sisko's hour to shine cause god does he fucking go through it. he cant win no matter what he does, and he has to keep trying anyways. his patience is really tested and man do you feel for him. Julian also gets some spotlight here, and boy is he struggling. Julian is way out of his comfort zone and fighting for his life throughout his sections, and I quite enjoyed that. I wish we could've gotten to see more of him and Sisko interacting throughout, and bonding over just how fucked this whole thing has gotten and how in over their heads they are, because I think they could've shared a few drinks about it

while this story was stronger, it did get convoluted towards the end. I think they simply tried to cram too much in with the subplot with the Vedek and the Gul, and ultimately the reveal that the Gul isnt the war criminal the Bajorans think he is feels very shoehorned in. its a completely forgivable thing, and something I would expect from an actual DS9 episode if im being totally honest, but ill still point it out. I think this book could've dropped the Vedek and Gul subplot entirely, and instead focused on the negotiations, because the reveal that the Valtusians were Changelings was actually really good and I really enjoyed that aspect of that story. we sort of lost that plot by the end, though

I think this book would've been better if it was two books, with A plot and B plot each being their own respective books. I think more room to breathe would've been good for both stories, and would've allowed for more development in character relationships and time for dynamics to shine. Kira, Worf, and Odo's story could easily be a book in and of itself, with a lot more exploration of the Jem'Hadar and the Changelings, of Odo, and of Kira and Worf's relationship. on the flip side, for the B plot, it could've also been its own novel with the Vedek subplot as its B plot, if that makes sense. it could've cut things more clearly, by having Sisko's focus be on the negotiations, and Julian's focus be on the Vedek. I think that plot would've been really interesting if, in trying to spy his way around, Julian went to Garak for help and ended up getting in way over his head in a more deliberate plot against the Gul, rather than just a case of willful ignorance and mistaken identity

overall an enjoyable read! definitely on the weaker side, I cant lie. besides the aforementioned weaknesses, there's also just a lot of mistakes in this book? I found that really jarring. I dont usually notice, but I noticed so many today alone, especially in the last 12 or so chapters it feels like there's a lot, and they're glaringly obvious. some really weird typoes, and getting names wrong... yeah. really jarring

but still, I would say this is overall a fairly good book. its got great comedy, and while dynamics arent super explored, individual characters are very strong. this would be a good read for Sisko fans especially, but if youre a fan of any of the POV characters, you'll find something to enjoy in it

[sexybabystevie]

hi em!! <3

i have a little steve thought: he gets REALLY affectionate when he's sleepy. he also gets really honest.

ive seen people who hc that steve is really touchy and affectionate when he's drunk,, but not enough people talking about when he's tired.

just imagine steve and reader are having a sleepover, and steve is 2 seconds away from passing out, but he stays up with reader.

he talks about how pretty reader is, how much he loves his voice (bonus if he says he wants to fall asleep to reader's voice).

one night,, he tells you "i want you" in the BEST sleepy voice you've heard.

(im sorry if this was very unorganized my bad)

ela!!!! this is so cute, i love it!!! i'm such a sucker for very affectionate steve, you have NO idea lol

you're close friends with steve, always hanging out together and spending the night at his place when his parents are gone (which is more often than not). you've gotten glimpses of his clinginess, something that you think is adorable, but he still tries to hide it from you. sometimes it's autonomous, the way he'll pout at you when you're going home the night after your sleepovers, saying something like, "you're leaving already? it's not even 5pm yet..." or when you're sitting closely next to him on the couch and you get up to go to the bathroom, leaving him without your warmth, letting out a soft whimper that he tries to cover up with a fake cough. you never really thought much of it, thinking that he probably was embarrased or that you were reading too closely into things, until one night during on of your routine sleepovers.

you're sleeping over at your place this time, sitting upright in bed, plastered under the covers as you talk into the early hours of the morning. steve's laying next to you, eyes sleep-hazed and droopy as he softly nods along to the story you're telling him. something about some guy who annoyed you today while you were out shopping. steve isn't fully there, he's as enthusiastic as he can be, but he's also exhausted. too exhausted. a long shift at family video and hours of being the personal chauffeur to six teenagers, and steve harrington is barely awake by the mere hour of 9pm, much less the current midnight when you're talking his ear off.

he doesn't mind, of course. he's tired, completely energyless, really, but he's far too captivated by your every move, every word, to tell you to stop. he's humming gently along to whatever you have to say, agreeing that yes, the guy was a jerk for shoving you out of the way to get some baby carrots.

slowly, his walls are deteriorating, both due to you and the comfort you bring him and the mental exhaustion settling over him, clouding his mind and deeming him a little more open than usual. a little less likely to keep his mouth shut, his typical filter being washed away with the tides of fatigue. it's not long before your voice is a jumble of words, beautiful and rhythmic melodies to his ears, and his mind gets stuck, instead, on the sight of you so passionately speaking, hair more messy than normal as you sit in your pajamas. there's a strong intimacy that comes with seeing you like this, as if steve could get used to seeing this every night and every morning – as if steve might want to see it every night and every morning – and he can't stop the words that are tumbling from his lips before he has any time to really dwell on them.

"you're so pretty," he says, voice breathless and genuine, a hint of something deeper underlying it, and you're taken aback, thinking that he must be far too tired to think straight.

"why don't we stop talking and‐"

"no," he's quick to cut you off, lazily attempting to shake his head. instead, his hair only falls into his eyes, which he barely notices in his exhaustion induced stupor. he wraps his arm around the closest part of you that he can reach – your leg – and nuzzles into you, sighing happily and pulling himself as close to you as he can. "keep talkin'. pretty voice could put me to sleep."

you're flustered and a little hesitant, unsure of the way that he's suddenly acting, but you end up giving in to his requests anyway, the feeling of his warm body latched onto your leg surprisingly comforting. you sit and talk until he falls asleep, voice softer and more purposefully calming, and it doesn't take long for him to be softly snoring against your pajama pants.

that was only the first time something of that nature had happened, and it seems that it had been a gateway into it recurring. one time turned to two, then three and four times that he sat next to you, so sleepy that he let himself give in to the urge to cling to you like you were something more than just his friend. each time is the same, sleepy, admiring eyes, lowered voice mumbling on about you in an endearing tone. before long, you're secretly looking forward to your sleepovers, if just because steve would adorably wrap onto you like you were everything he ever wanted.

it was almost an easy way to delude yourself into thinking that he really wanted you in that way. that he wasn't simply exhausted out of his mind and looling for any physical comfort that he could get. but that was until things escalated again.

you're in his bed, whispering, trying not to flinch away from his touch on your shoulders, something new that he seemed to like doing to you during these moments. his fingers absently trace along your skin, hand under the sleeve of your shirt just so he could be able to really feel you. you keep talking, about anything you can think of that might distract you from the feeling of his skin on yours – how good and right it seems – and you watch as he slowly closes his eyes, breathing steadying and fingers stopping in their path along your shoulder.

you think he's asleep for good, but you keep softly whispering anyway, knowing from prior experience that talking for a few extra minutes afterward seemed to keep him at rest. you admire his resting features, so close that you can feel his breath on your arm but also so far, and that's when he rustles around and his eyes flutter open. he looks at you with the fondness of someone looking at the stars, and if that didn't make your heart beat ten times faster, then what he said next certainly did the trick.

voice low, a velvet rumble from his exhausted state, he gives you all the certainty of the world in a single, hazy gaze and says, "i want you," before shifting his arms so that he can burying his face against your stomach. the sound of his tone, the earnestness of his words, and the hidden undertones behind them have your stomach filling with butterflies, and you can't help the way you relax into his touch, hands moving on their own to softly tangle through his hair. you feel both like you're on fire and at sea, body aflame but also at peace, and somehow you fall asleep faster than you ever have before, the warmth from steve's body melting into yours and heating your very soul.

needless to say, you hoped that this new happening of your sleepovers became habit, and surely enough, with great thanks to the way steve harrington's mind completely empties of coherant thoughts late at night, it does.

[aro-botic]

Hello! Was inspired by a previous ask and I thought Id share my experience a little. Im allo and my queer platonic partner is aro! They came out as aro after we had gotten really close and I got a crush. I was very nervous at first talking about my feelings cause I desperately didn’t want to make them uncomfortable or make them feel forced into anything or lose them as my friend. I made sure to ask what they wanted IF they wanted anything and made clear I would be fine continuing as friends. They did like the idea of something but were unsure about a label so we went from friends who communicate about our relationship to now qpps! Our qpr is a commitment to each other because we both have strong feelings, eventhough those feelings aren’t the same. We had a long discussion talking about boundaries and what is and isn’t okay and I have tried to actively encourage continually talking about boundaries and consent. They like physical affection but can sometimes be romance averse so I always ask them if they want a kiss or a hug or just a good night (and I am not hurt by any choice over the other). It’s actually been really fun and fulfilling focusing on more diverse and platonic shows of affection rather than normative romantic stuff. They don’t usually say I love you (and I know when they do it is different than how I say it) but I always feel their care for me. Ive also affirmed to them that I am not just waiting for them to come around to romance. I am very happy with what we have.

Ive been reading and following aro blogs to try and understand more. I know there are many non-partnering aros and aros with different boundaries and I go feral hearing how yall get disrespected or dismissed or invalidated. There are probably some allos for whom a qpp is not a good fit but its very easy to just respect and defend aro and ace people and identities. And truly, making my partner and friend feel comfortable and cared for? No better feeling in the world.

So also thanks to you for sharing aro stories and being great! Hope you have a good day!

Hi anon!

Thanks so much for sharing, this made my day so much brighter, and I'm sure it'll make the days of other aros who read this brighter as well 😊💚

[megalony]

Teacher’s pet- Part 20

So I have about two more parts planned for this Ben Hardy series but I am going to be doing a follow-on series because I love this story and still feel I have more to write for it. I hope you will all like this part, feedback is always lovely to hear.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie​ @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr​ @rogermeddow​ @radiob-l-a-hblah​ @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6​ @rogertaylors-lipgloss​ @sj-thefan​ @omgitsearly​ @luckytrashgooprebel​ @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac​ @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @rogahs-drowse @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh

Series taglist: @im-an-adult-ish​ @gwilymleeisbae​ @k-k0129​ @haileymorelikestupid​ @glittrixvibe @youngpastafanmug​ @ultraviolencezs @kdatthecastle @darlindolan​

Series masterlist

Summary: (Y/n) teaches at the school Ben’s boys go to and they soon start a relationship. But they have their ups and downs with the problems Ben faces with his boys and how quickly the relationship progresses.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm gonna go and see our baby girl now, they said I can finally hold her today."

Ben's fingers slowly and methodically carded through (Y/n)'s hair, moving the strands into waves and brushing them from her face as he talked quietly in a soft voice. He didn't know if (Y/n) could hear him or not, she was sedated but he knew that some people in comas could still hear voices around them so he hoped that even though (Y/n) was asleep, she could hear his voice.

He had spent most of the morning here with (Y/n), holding her hand, brushing his fingers over her skin to try and show her he was still here and talking to her in case she was listening. But now he had to go and see their daughter before he went home to the boys.

Every time he left (Y/n) here he felt guilty and in pain because something could happen when he left and he didn't want anything to happen when he wasn't here. And if felt awful to leave (Y/n) here on her own and he didn't like being apart from her, but he had to go and be with the boys until everything settled and he could bring (Y/n) home.

"I'll be back tomorrow, baby." He pressed his lips to the top of her head, tangling his fingers in her hair as he was desperate not to let her go.

It hurt that Ben couldn't wrap his arms around (Y/n) or kiss her or even talk to her. He wanted to take her home and have everything be as it should. Ben wanted (Y/n) in his arms, he wanted her and his daughter in his arms in a hug and he wanted the boys at home with them and for them to be the family they should be. He didn't want (Y/n) to be ill and in pain and their girl to be stuck in an incubator without her family surrounding her every hour of every day.

The moment Ben got out of the room he just wanted to turn back around and go lay with (Y/n) but he knew if he did that then he wouldn't leave.

"Ben, how is she today?"

He didn't get more than two feet away from (Y/n)'s room before his eyes suddenly locked on her mother heading towards him.

The first time Ben had met Alicia was worrying for him since he had met her only a month before he and (Y/n) found out they were going to have a baby. He had no idea how she would react to her daughter being in a relationship with someone who already had three children of his own, he knew it wasn't the best kind of image or the best situation her parents would want for her. But he had been more than surprised when her parents had taken to him straight away and Alicia was very welcoming to the boys, she was practically another grandmother to them already.

It crushed Ben more than anything when he had to ring (Y/n)'s parents and explain that (Y/n) had suddenly taken a turn for the worst after he had told them she was recovering well the night before.

And it was too hard for Ben to stay with (Y/n) when her parents came to visit her. They came every day like Ben did but he made sure they had time alone with (Y/n) or else he didn't know what to say, where to sit or how to act. All he wanted to do was sit beside (Y/n) and hold her hand and suddenly make her better but he didn't feel comfortable when her parents were in the room. He couldn't cry in front of them either.

Ben was engulfed in a rather comforting but still crushing hug the moment Alicia was in front of him.

(Y/n) always told Ben that he had charmed her mother almost like he had charmed (Y/n) herself. His smile won Alicia over and his nature and just generally how he was made Alicia accept him into their family straight away.

"They're keeping her sedated, she got too distressed when she was awake with the ventilator and she's still on a lot of antibiotics... but the doctor said her heart isn't affected, so that's good." Ben scratched at the short hairs at the back of his head before he rubbed his hands over his face, trying to wake himself up a bit more.

When (Y/n) had woken up early in the morning, they had to sedate her because it was distressing for her to try and move and realise that she couldn't breathe. Feeling a tube stuck down her throat was too much for her, especially when it made her focus on her lack of breathing and she couldn't communicate without panicking. It was kinder and safer to keep her in a sleeping state, at least until she started to recover.

But the sepsis was still attacking her system and her lungs weren't working on their own. The antibiotics were treating the infection (Y/n) had gotten after labour but they couldn't control the sepsis. The only good news they had right now was that (Y/n)'s heart was still strong and wasn't effected by sepsis because if that happened, her chances would be next to none.

"Well s-she needs the rest... how's the little one doing?"

It was clear that Alicia was about ready to burst into tears but she was doing her best to push the tears back and keep her voice under control. (Y/n) was her only child, she had no other kids so (Y/n) had been her world and Alicia didn't have much other family other than her husband and her sister. If she lost (Y/n) she wouldn't have anyone around her except for Ben and her granddaughter and the boys.

Alicia had been to see her granddaughter along with (Y/n)'s dad, Jeremy, they visited the baby every day they visited (Y/n).

"They're letting me hold her today, I just can't do the birth certificate yet... (Y/n)'s supposed to be picking her name."

Ben could feel a bad headache forming behind his eyes, causing him to rub ferociously at his eyes to try and relieve the feeling. Their girl was four days old now and by this time Ben usually got the birth certificate sorted but he couldn't do that when he didn't have a name for her. He and (Y/n) had three names but they never managed to decide on one before labour happened early. Ben picked the name for all three of his boys and he said he wanted (Y/n) to be the one to pick the name for their daughter but right now she couldn't so he wasn't getting the certificate done until (Y/n) was better.

"There's plenty of time for that. I'll visit her after I sit with (Y/n) for a while, and if you want to stay here with (Y/n) at any point, you just ring me and those three boys can stay with me. You know I think of them as my own."

Alicia rubbed her hand up and down Ben's arm as a silent look of appreciation filled his eyes before they parted ways. He couldn't carry on this conversation without wanting to cry and it was very clear to see, Alicia didn't want to push either of them too far. Ben knew and appreciated that she would look after the boys whenever she could because she thought of them as her own grandkids. But Ben had to be at home with them as well as being here with (Y/n) because the boys were starting to get worried and he couldn't have that.

It was only a short trip from (Y/n)'s room down to the neonatal unit where is girl was and it was a route Ben walked three or four times a day. Switching between seeing (Y/n) and their daughter before he went home and spent the night with the boys before coming back to the hospital as early as he could.

When Ben reached the room that held four other newborns as well as his daughter, he headed straight over to his little girl and where a nurse was doing her routine checks.

"Mr Jones, are you ready to hold baby today?"

Ben nodded his head, finding a smile already on his lips just at the thought of having her in his arms. The moment she had been born she was taken out of the room to be looked after and she'd had a tube down her nose to help her breathe since she inhaled some fluids. But now she just had an IV for some nutrients and a few monitoring clips and stickers to check her vitals.

Doctor Mills had checked up on her yesterday and said she just needed the incubator for another week to make sure her lungs were developed enough to work properly on their own. So Ben could take her home in just over a week.

At least one of his girls was okay.

Ben tried to stop his leg from jittering up and down when he sat down, anxiously waiting for that strange yet intoxicating feeling of holding his baby for the first time.

When he first got to hold Carter, Ben had never felt a wave of emotions like that before. He didn't want to put Carter down, he just wanted to sit and hold him for the rest of his life. Then when he had James it was the same emotions but more intensified, he had another life depending on him and another boy he could cherish and look after. Finn was the smallest of all his boys, he felt like a little baby doll in Ben's arms, the kind he remembered playing with as a kid. Finn was so small and delicate but he had been beautiful.

After Finn, Ben had been sure that he had all his kids. He didn't think he would want or even get the chance to have another child, especially not after things between him and Lucy evolved in the worst possible way.

But here he was now, about to hold his fourth child, his first daughter.

The moment she was placed into his arms, Ben felt a shiver running down his spine and tingling throughout his body. He thought Finn had been his smallest child but his daughter was here, proving him wrong. She was four pounds and three ounces which was definitely underweight considering the average baby was supposed to be around seven pounds.

But she was perfect.

She had a tiny button nose that didn't reflect Ben's bumpy, slightly crooked nose that both Cater and James had inherited from him. Her hands were tiny but formed behind the rose pink mittens stuck on her hands so she didn't scratch her face. Her body fit along the expanse of Ben's lower arm perfectly and the way she curled up in his arm made him grin. She tucked her face into his chest and it tickled when Ben felt her nose brushing against his skin through his shirt.

"Hey, girlie. We don't have a name for you yet, but I'll talk to your mummy about that soon. She's so desperate to come see you when she's better, and the boys are all in love with you already, even Finn says your so pretty. My first girl."

Ben slowly brushed his finger across her cheek, smiling at the way it made her head lean into his touch before it seemed to tickle her. When he brought the boys to see her yesterday, all of them had been in awe of their little sister. Carter looked like he wanted to pick her straight up and cuddle her, James had reached his hand out to take hold of hers. And when Ben picked Finn up so he could see her, the first thing he said was that she was very pretty and sweet even if she was very small. They all seemed to instantly take to the thought of a sister now that she was here with them.

All they needed now was for (Y/n) to get better so she could hold her daughter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Buddy, come on it's past your bed time, you need to try and settle down you have school tomorrow." Ben tried his best to sound sympathetic and understanding but it was hard when he didn't have the patience or the effort left in his system.

It was half past ten, both James and Finn were fast asleep in their room and all Ben needed was for Carter to either settle down or for once, actually fall asleep. They all had school tomorrow and Ben needed to try and calm his own mind down because he had to take them to school then go to the hospital to see (Y/n) and their baby.

Ben had seen this coming. He had seen the state Carter was in after his mum dropped the boys back home, he was anxious and hyper and that was a big sign that he wouldn't settle tonight.

"No, I don't wanna." Carter shook his head with a defying look on his face before he planted himself down on the sofa.

His eyes followed Ben's movements in the same way they normally did when he tried to defy his dad. He didn't look anxious or irritated, he looked blank like he didn't know where he was or what he was doing. Carter watched what Ben did in case his dad was really riled up and to see what he could get away with doing. He watched Ben down the last bit of beer in the dark brown bottle in his hand before he got up and moved to put it in the kitchen.

But the moment Ben came back into the living room, he turned the tv off and looked at Carter expectantly. He knew well enough to know that Ben wouldn't let him sit up and watch tv all night when he had school in the morning. Even if Carter wouldn't be tired if he stayed up all night, it still wasn't good for him and would break his routine of trying to settle for the night.

"Carter, listen to me. I'm tired, okay? I'm knackered, I've been at the hospital every day for the last five days and then I'm coming home to be with you boys. I can't sleep either but I need you to keep your routine, I can't deal with you being unsettled from no routine."

If Carter didn't have a routine it unsettled him because routines helped to calm him down and give him structure. (Y/n) and the baby being away in hospital and Ben running between home and hospital definitely didn't give Carter routine or structure. So Ben had to keep that routine for Carter wherever he could and right now that was keeping him at school, bringing him home and keeping set times for getting up and going to bed.

"No, you just want to deal with mum and not let me see her. I miss her and I can't sleep, I wanna go see mum! I wanna see my mum!"

Carter stomped his foot down on the carpet as he stood to his feet, his height making him just below Ben's shoulder. Carter had trouble sleeping but he was normally fine with laying down and thinking until he fell asleep. But when he was anxious like this all he could think about was what was worrying him and that was (Y/n). He thought about her and how he hadn't seen her in over five days but Ben saw her everyday. He missed her and he was jealous and angered that he couldn't go and see her yet.

"Carter she's ill, I have to be there and make sure she's getting better you know that-"

"I wanna see my mum-"

"I wanna see her too!" The way Ben's voice rose and his words bellowed back at Carter made the eldest boy take a step back. He wasn't expecting Ben to shout at him and he certainly wasn't expecting him to say that.

Ben saw (Y/n) every day so far, he did see her whereas the boys didn't get to, Carter didn't understand what he meant by that.

"Every second I'm away from her I want to go back to her Carter because she's sick! I wanna see her wake up and look at me and talk to me and kiss me and just to hold her. But I can't because every fucking second I'm with your mum, she's asleep because she is so fucking ill she can hardly breathe. I miss her even when I'm sat next to her because it doesn't feel like she's there, do you get that? If I take you to see her you'll get upset and when I go see her I cry so no, you can't go see her and I'm fucking sick of all this shit."

The tears that fell from Ben's swollen, red eyes made Carter start to cry silently because he never saw Ben cry. It was something that hardly ever happened and it showed him just how poorly (Y/n) was and how badly it was hurting Ben.

"I want your mum home with us and I want your sister here too, she's at the hospital all alone until I can go hold her. She's my daughter and I can't look after her like I did when I had you boys and it kills me." Ben's tone softened like slowly melting butter and his voice was quieter when he realised he had scared Carter which he never meant to do.

His daughter was all alone in the hospital without her family and even though she wouldn't understand what family was, Ben knew she would have that maternal and paternal instinct and know who he and (Y/n) were. When Ben had the boys they were all home within two or three days and he was looking after them. But with his one and only girl, she was at the hospital without her family and that cut Ben up into pieces.

"I miss mum."

Those three words were the only ones Carter could think of and could manage to say. And the moment they registered in Ben's ears, he went down on his knees in front of Carter and engulfed him in his arms. It didn't and would never matter to Ben how old any of his children were, he would always want to pick them up in his arms and cuddle them like they were all still toddlers.

He picked Carter up and stood to his feet until the eleven-year-old wrapped his legs around Ben's hips and tucked his head into Ben's neck, breathing in his scent which started to calm him down.

Ben kissed the side of Carter's head, moving one of his hands so he could slowly smooth his fingers over the hair at the back of Carter's head. No words were spoken between the pair as Ben silently headed out of the living room and made his way upstairs to his room. If Carter wasn't going to sleep and Ben didn't think he was either, the best option was for them to stay together and try to settle and calm down. They both needed comforting right now.

Carter stayed clinging to Ben like a monkey even when Ben laid down on the bed with his upper body leaning up against the cushioned headboard. Carter put a bit of strain and weight onto Ben's chest as he laid on his front but it didn't bother Ben, he just wanted to hug his son.

"I... I heard the new teacher talking about mum today." Carter kept his face buried in Ben's neck as he spoke but he was clearly calmer when Ben continued to run his hand through his hair.

"Yeah, what did they say?"

"She told the class that mum had her baby but is poorly so she won't be at work for a few months."

"No, buddy she won't be at work for a few months because when a person has a baby, they get time off to be with their baby. If your mum wasn't sick she still would have time off, she has to look after your sister. She's just in the hospital still because she's poorly."

Carter clearly worried that (Y/n) was going to be in the hospital for months with what he had heard the supply teacher say but that wasn't going to be the case.

"Mum is gonna get better... isn't she?"

"Yes she is, I promise."

[swordmaid]

creator tag meme

tagged by the local angel @giuseppearcimboldo thank you so much lizzie!

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

VERY happy i can fill this out because i’ve been so productive this year lol. also this is all gonna be jb bc ive been RELENTLESS and spamming and i would apologize but i wont lmao 

1. jb eros/psyche au.

i am talking about everything i have done for the au btw, because i’ve done quite a handful of things and honestly i really love all of them--even the doodle ones which rarely happens. anyway, i love this au in general. i think the tale is perfect for them, and i’m happy with the works that i managed to put out most esp this one that’s based on canova’s sculpture of eros and psyche. translating sculpture into digital art was interesting since it was all about converting the weight and structure of the sculpture into the screen and i think i managed to do it imo! i love how brienne looks heavy in his arms, i love how strong jaime looks holding her up and i especially love the way i shaded her dress to mimic the lines that the statue has. all in all, this au slapped and i actually want to do more of it but i have no inspiration right now. 

2. jb as classical art series. 

honestly i never thought that this was going to be a series lol i thought it was just a two time thing, but then i did another one, and then another one, and then another one and now here we are. i love all the pieces that i’ve done for it actually. my favourite thing is that they’re all not direct translations of the original art. there are some aspects that i’ve taken and adapted while also putting my own flair into it. i love the reverse colour scheme with klimt’s kiss and my own rendition of it. the gold being the accent highlight in a field of murky brown/black whereas klimt has the black squares present to emphasis the richness of the gold and yellows. i also like the little thing i did where i put the geometric shapes outside of the subject instead of inside (what he did). i put on the tags that i didnt like how it turned out but i actually like it lol i just didn’t like how long it took me i get too impatient with my art i think. anyway. i love this whole series sm i think all the pieces have their own character, and tbh i always get nervous adding another piece into this just because all the ones that i’ve done has been so well received i don’t want to be a disappointment lool. regardless, i love classical art and i love jb and i love being able to put the two together hehe we love to be self indulgent

3. la belle fleur sauvage commission. 

aka THIS commission that was based from SD’s fic, la belle fleur sauvage. some behind the scenes with that one--that one took me SO long to do, like it was taking longer than i had wanted and i felt very bad and i am forever thankful for sd’s patience 😭😭😭. i really can’t be too mad though since i was working on the third year of my degree, but i still would’ve wanted to finish it sooner than i did. but as for the art itself---i actually love it lol. i always say to zoom in on my stuff to see all the details but i WISH folks would zoom in on that because it’s so big and so intricate. i love how everything turned out; i love how rich the colours are, i love the composition for all three panels, i love how the SKY looked like actually that’s the first time i sat down and painted clouds with that technique and i am so happy and pleased with how it looked im using it for everything LOL, i love jaime’s outfit in the 2nd panel---i actually designed a whole outfit for that and he DOES have his pouches and daggers, etc. stuff that he would have with him if he was a mercenary, but because of the cropping, those details were taken out but it’s THERE. i love the colours and the shading on the 3rd panel. it looks so soft and romantic and it’s everything 😭😭. honestly i didnt know if i was able to finish whole three panels just because of how big the project seemed, but tbqh this piece really pushed me as an artist and im really happy that i had the chance to work on it (-’: 

4. early morning.

this one is a more recent piece and i was thinking post canon jaime/brienne married and either living in casterly rock or evenfall hall. originally the sheets were gonna be red with the gold brocade but i just made it green to make their location more ambiguous. they’re in a castle because of the finery, but which castle i have no idea. anyway i love their faces here in particular--jaime because it’s not often that i draw him old (this is the second time i drew old jaime i think?) and i love how he turned out here. i love how he looks like a silver fox and a dilf and we really do love that for brienne. full disclosure, i have no idea how to draw older folks since i don’t have a lot of practice in that area so im glad my lack of experience doesn’t show lmao. i also love how soft brienne looks here! the little smile on her lips is very sweet, her body language and how relax she seems is very telling abt her confidence in this scene also i think i drew her hands hella well haha. all in all i think it’s a really sweet art! and the full version is not so bad either jaime’s ass was referenced from marble sculptures so you know im aiming for Quality. but i love this headcanon of a younger brienne tiring jaime out, i’ve read a handful fics about it and im happy i can do my own version of it hehe 

5. unravel.

wow we love domesticity. someone said that if you compile all my ns*w art of them together it’s like they haven’t left their bed ever since they got together and you know what? love that for them it’s what they deserve. anyway i chose this one because of how sensual and simple it is. their body language really does all the talking ; jaime’s hand pulling on the ties on her shift, her hand on his hair, how soft and lazy their kiss looks--it’s enough to tell the story me thinks! i just love how simple this whole thing is but it’s very effective. there’s really not much to it besides what you see but that’s really enough.

i am actually very proud of myself with how productive i’ve been. it’s really not often that i get as much drive and energy to post so much art. iirc my art tag is nearly 200 content already (i think it’s 180 ish rn?) and honestly that’s a LOT if you told me ill be making more than 100+ content for jb i would’ve been like nah im too lazy for that lmao. but im really proud of myself this year! i think i pushed myself as an artist and i’ve familiarized myself more with my strengths as well as my weaknesses. i have a clear idea on the areas that i need to work on, and i’ve really gotten more comfortable with being happy with my own pieces and i’m trying not to put myself down more if something doesn’t go the way i want it to. also, i’ve had the opportunity to work with more people this year--so for the people who has commissioned me or IS commissioning me rn--- thank you so much for trusting me with your visions 😭😭 ive never expected to get this kind of reception with my art but i am very grateful for all of it. 

anyway as for the tagging i tag -- @na-bruma-leve / @dreadwulf / @dilfjaime / @fawnilu BUT i would highly recommend you to come along and snatch this tag meme up like a little raccoon because we all should start being proud of our own works imo !!

[sclfmastery]

cw abuse mention - so im new to fandom and im curious about something. is it okay to ship toxic/abusive ships? like obviously not if one is an adult and the other is not or they're related but as anna karenina said "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." you know? ive just seen different opinions on that so im curious.

Short answer: Do what is comfortable for you and the people you directly interact with.  Have open conversations about what each of you is comfortable with. Tag  known triggers diligently, and put especially controversial content under a read-more.  At any point in time, when someone with whom you are writing becomes uncomfortable, respect their discomfort and cease to write the content that’s upsetting them. On the other side of the coin, refrain from judging others for writing material you are uncomfortable with, and simply avoid their blog. Block if you have to.  Blocking has gotten a bad rep on social media, but it is actually a very important way to establish boundaries in a society that’s ubiquitous with instant forms of information (and social contact).  Do not feel ashamed for doing what you need to do to feel safe. 

Longer answer: This is a tough one. That’s probably why you’ve seen so many different (often strong) opinions about it, and let me disclaim that I’m no expert. I have written many toxic ships and I have written many ships that are healthy and balanced right off the bat. My end goal, however, is always healthy and balanced, with the understanding by all involved, “do not try this in real life.” 

At the core of this argument is the extent to which creative fiction may explore realms that are necessarily, and for good reason, inadvisable, even harmful and dangerous, in real life.  This of course then brings up questions of “to what extent can fiction influence reality by modeling certain cultural values?” And, therefore, “what is the creator/author/artist’s responsibility to real people consuming their work?”  As an artist and scholar by profession, I am deeply invested in analyzing media for the messages it conveys, and in the fact that art has a transformative power upon society.  There are things you just shouldn’t write about: egregious depictions of rape not responsibly and sensitively resolved, for instance.  

On the other hand, some content creators who explore deeply controversial content claim that it is therapeutic to explore their triggers from the safe distance of fiction, and that, if they tag responsibly and don’t force that content on others, who is to say that they are “forbidden” from doing so? 

It’s a complicated situation and I have come to believe that the best way to deal with it is on a case-by-case basis. Everyone has a different threshold, and every “toxic ship” you might write is a different level of toxic. A good way  to gauge this is the couple’s power dynamic. 

 For instance, I write the Doctor X the Master on this blog. To me, this is acceptable because both parties have informed consent about how toxic the partner is, and both parties have an equitable power dynamic: neither the Doctor nor the Master is stronger, or at more of an advantage, in terms of social or political privilege. They are both nonbinary and queer, both Time Lords of an elite social caste (important note: for this pairing this is not always true. Sometimes you do have to be very careful, and check both the character’s privilege and your own as a writer: for instance, if you write Thirteen x Dhawan, be aware of how she weaponized his brownness against him, which DOES matter to the human audience watching Doctor Who, as well as the character--the Master--experiencing a power dynamic imbalance, and how that is a very problematic incident that needs to be directly addressed if the relationship is to flourish).  Moreover, at different times in their complex friendship, both parties have shown a willingness to change out of love for the other: meaning there is still the possibility of healthy growth and healing.  I tag triggers diligently and always, and I make sure my writing partners are not feeling uncomfortable. 

 On the other hand, I will never write a toxic ship like Jessica Jones x Kilgrave. Why? Because he is a serial rapist with no remorse who shows no signs of repentance.  Because Jessica is his serial victim, and because she is a woman and he is a cis man. Because he literally has the power of mind control and she isn’t, until the very end of the first season, immune.  Right there we have an inequitable power dynamic that really can never be resolved, and probably shouldn’t, because pardoning the man of crimes so real and so severe to millions of survivors worldwide is just not something it’s worth it to do for a fun writing hobby.

Another example of a toxic ship I’d never write: a historical slave owner x a slave. Like, Thomas Jefferson x Sally Hemings (yes, people actually do this. believe it or not).  Not a good idea to try to render sympathetic and romantic a figure who participated in and benefited economically from the trafficking and abuse of human beings, the effects of which are still felt by black and brown people every day.  Do I even have to say, inequitable power dynamic, based both on gender and on race?  Plus it’s dangerous from a historical, cultural narrative standpoint to romanticize the institution of racism by sugar-coating some of its most infamous practitioners (America already has done this by ascribing “Founding Father” to Jefferson, who was frankly an asshole).  In this case you’re even blurring the lines of fiction and reality because these were real people that you’re “rping.”  

Summary!  Open, considerate communication is really important. The rules are different than when you’re writing a solo fanfic. You are collaborating with another human being, who has feelings and needs.  Always consider the power dynamic of the characters: “should I” is a dynamic question with very different answers, from fictional couple to fictional couple. 

You will make mistakes. I know I have.  Don’t berate yourself too severely, just ask what you did wrong, make a note of it, and move forward better aware of what not to do.  

Folks can reblog this if it’s at all helpful! 

[reeree1500]

The Return-Part 4

Okay y'all here's Part 4. OMG I cannot believe the amount of love that this story has gotten😍 it truly warms my heart, that an idea I had a while ago and have now just started writing has been loved by so many of you:) And with that lets get on to the storyyyy

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @laketaj24 @camatsuru @amy8220 @cutegyrl927 @cindy-exo @cainismyname @affection-rabbit @ragnarssonsbitch @mel0nch0ly @wuxiesalt

Disclaimer: My sucky ass writing as always:) Some slight insinuation of incest; Fluff (an attempt anyway);  And bad grammar and spelling (sorryyyy); Heart palpitations according to @yanii-the-hippie 😂 Hope you all enjoy☺️

Your POV

My head hurts so much that I feel as if I've just been hit by a carriage. The sounds of arguing around me do not help the situation at all.  So I try to not focus on the pain or the voices around me that won't subside and remember what happened. Images of Mira surface in my mind. Her corpse on the floor and the death rune carved into her back. My best friend and most trusted subject was killed because of me. I can't help but wince at the realization that I will never be rid of the death and chaos that I bring everywhere with me.

Fluttering my eyes open, my eyes wander looking for the source of those voices. As I begin to stand up from the very comfortable bed, I scan the room trying to find any trace of the people who were in here earlier. My eyes land on a pile of shirts neatly placed on the table. Walking towards them I come to notice that Im not in my dress anymore, but in what's seems to be a mans shirt. “Nice pair of legs you got there (y/n), wanna trade with me for a while?” At the sound of Ivars voice, I shriek and turn around whilst trying to pull down the shirt that is covering my body. “Ivar what the hell!” At the sound of my screaming Ivar just walks closer to me with a smirk gracing his perfect face. “W..what are you doing?!?!” His hands grasp onto mine and all I can do at that moment is stare back at him with my eyes and mouth open wide in shock. “You're gonna ruin my shirt if you continue to pull it down. Plus, you don't want me to see your breasts now do you?” At that, all the blood from my body rushes to my face. Turning me as red as an apple. 

Ivar grabs my face in his hands and his eyes scan over it. “I know we’ve just met. And its probably really wrong for me to feel what I‘m feeling, considering you're my sister. But, when you were unconscious it was probably the hardest thing I have gone through so far in my life. Not knowing if you would wake up was a nightmare that I could not wake up from.” Ivar says with an exasperated sigh. “Ivar....” I begin to say, but am soon interrupted by his lips placed on mine. I know I shouldn't reciprocate his feelings towards me or his kiss for that matter. But, the fact of the matter is that even in this short amount of time, this man has made feel things that I have not felt in my whole life. This man however is my brother and that is something that will not change. Soon the warmth of his soft and plump lips leave mine. Before I can say something about how inappropriate that was, Ivar is already walking towards the door. You know for a cripple he’s fairly fast. 

“You know (y/n) I’m so excited for what's in store in our future.” He says as he reaches the door. Rearing his head to where I still stand in utter shock of what just transpired seconds ago. “Especially, since we now share a room.” At that Ivar winks at me and leaves the room, with that smirk on his face. Once the door is closed my legs give out from underneath me. “Lord what have I just gotten myself into. It is wrong for me to have these sort of thoughts and feelings for my brother. Please give me the strength necessary in order to get through this.” As I look up and close my eyes I can only beg that he hears my prayer and somehow gives me the power to get through this. But knowing the almighty, something will happen.

------------------------------------------

As the weeks went on by, we had buried Mira the Christian way. Although nearly no one shared my beliefs, it felt nice to be able to have Mira been given the respect she deserved. People had brought flowers and different types of gifts to me in order show me their condolences. On the outside I had to be strong and show them that whoever did this had not gotten to me. However, my family knew all too well the toll it took on me. Especially Ivar, who would hold me at night and whisper sweet nothings into my ear when I had the recurring nightmare of that night. The raid that was supposed to occur after the festival was cancelled. I had expected many people to be upset at the fact that it was. But what I saw was a community come together for someone they did not know. And that is what I missed the most about Kattegat. The people. My people.

Ragnar, Bjorn, and Ubbe had decided to lead an investigation into who had murdered Mira. So far they had gotten a couple of leads, but nothing that would certainly pinpoint who the culprit was. In his worry my father had decided to teach me how to fight, so that I would be able to defend myself if it came down to it. He knew that this was a personal attack on me. And a personal attack on a son or daughter of Ragnar Lothbrok was an attack on him too. “Come on my beautiful sister, we have some more training to do.” I can hear Hvitserk say as he comes up from behind me. “Is that really necessary Hvitty? We trained yesterday!” On the weeks that went by I could say that Hvitty and I got really close. Closer than probably me and Ivar are. After the kiss with Ivar, I had tried to put as much distance between myself and him. What we had done was wrong and a sin. And I could not allow myself to give in to such temptations. 

However, that doesn't mean that Ivar still didn’t try to get closer to me. Every chance he got I var would hold my hand or hug me from behind. I knew that people where beginning to get the wrong idea, as I had caught Margrethe talking about how “close” we were for siblings. As soon as I heard that I began to make sure to only talk or look at Ivar if necessary. Waking me up from my thoughts Hvitserk takes my hand and leads me out of the hall. “Im coming. Im coming. Calm down!” I cannot help but contain my laugh at Hvitserk’s desire to want to train with me. Its probably the cutest thing I have ever seen. “You look like a child anxious to play with a brand new toy, Hvitty.” At that Hvitserk lets out a chuckle. “Only of you're the brand new toy and I get to play with you everyday.” he winks at me as he says this. “Come on you're distracting me, let’s get to work. Legs shoulder width apart and make sure you have good balance...” 

-----------------------------------

Bjorn POV

“We must have gotten somewhere by now! I want whoever is responsible dead!” my father screams at Ubbe and I. “Father, we've searched through and through, but there are no certain leads! Its a he said she said situation thus far!” Ubbe yells back at him. “Do not tell me what I already know, boy! I just cannot help but feel useless and like I am not able to protect my own. We all know that that was supposed to be your sister dead, not that poor girl.” at that he trails off. My father has lost way too much over the years. Many friends have come and gone. But the way we buried Mira, could only remind him of his best friend Athelstan. The Christian priest that changed his life (and mine believe it or not) for the better. He was murdered too, and that has always been a constant reminder to him of someone he could not save.

“What I think that we should be doing instead of arguing is perhaps, finding someone who is good at unmasking people. Since none of us can seem to find who it could be.” I tell them both, getting tired of their back and forth arguing. “And who would you suggest Bjorn. No one can know that (y/n) is here, besides the people of Kattegat. Our enemies will know how to get us. Hell one of them probably was behind this!” my father reciprocates. “I think we all know who I’m talking about. Im just wondering if you'll be able to reel in and control that bitch of yours, when she gets here. Since I’ve already sent word to her.” I bark back at my father. I don't know if its because im sick of him treating me as if ill never be good enough. Or because (y/n)’s life is on the line, but I had never found the courage to stand up to my father, until now. At my words my father becomes silent. It might the loads of ale Ive had today, but I swear that I can see what seems to be pride in his eyes. “How long?” “One day’s ride” It is then that my father shouts to the thralls...

“Prepare the great Hall! The Queen is coming home!” 

--------------------------------

Your POV

As the hours went by and my training had somewhat gotten better, I pleaded with Hvitserk to do something else. “Okay!Okay! We’ll stop training! But what else do you want to do?” Hvitserk's says shielding his sword. “I don't know, back in Frankia Uncle Rollo used to take me to the lake and taught me how to swim. Is there a lake nearby?” At that Hvitserk looks at me like I‘ve grown horns and a huge smile breaks out. “Come on, let’s eat quickly and then I have somewhere I wanna take you!” Rushing towards me Hvitserk grabs my hand and we quickly run off towards the great hall. Once we both quickly swallow our food, we head to the stables. There we find non other than Ivar in what seems to be him being pleasured by a thrall. 

“Oh, Im so sorry. We didn't mean to intrude.” I say whilst quickly turning around. “Awww you're so cute (y/n), you’ve never seen or been pleasured before?!?!? Is that why you're as red as a tomato right now?” Hvitserk chuckles at me while trying to pry my hands away from my face. “Shut upppp!! Hvitty, get the horse and lets goooo!!” I chuckle nervously at him. “Its ok (y/n), you should take notes from Margrethe here. Who knows you might have to use them some day.” Ivar manages to say through his... compromising position. “Well Ivar, (y/n) and I are gonna go on a little adventure. Don't wait up...” At that Hvitserk grabs the reins on the horse and passes them on to me. “You know how to ride (y/n)?.” “Of course, Hvitty. Its literally my favourite thing to do.” “I’m glad to hear that. Now lets go!” And with that Hvitserk and I were off to God knows where. But one thing I knew for sure was that if Hvitserk was involved, we were sure to have a good time.

Bjorn POV

Soon the day had gone by and it was just a matter of time before my mother was here. You could hear a pin drop in the great hall. The anxiousness that lingered in the air was so thick that you could probably cut it with a knife. My father could not stop bouncing his leg, some thing he did when he too was nervous or didn't know the outcome of certain events. My head quickly towards the doors when I heard the neighing and hooves of the horses. At that we all stood up and thats when both Ubbe and I noticed we were missing certain people. “Ivar, where's (y/n) and Hvitserk? They're supposed to be here or did you not tell them that we would have company tonight?” I whisper at him trying to not get noticed by father or Aslaug. “Probably fucking somewhere. You know they've gotten pretty close these past few weeks I wouldn't put it past them.” At that I just look at him shocked. “Are you sure it’s just him Ivar? Don't act like I haven’t caught you staring at our sister when she's taking bath or when she's walking around the market.”  Sigurd chimes in. “Whatever we will resume this conversation after this. But send someone to get those two here. NOW!” 

When I turn back I am able to see my father already walking towards the door with the family behind him. Making my way outside I catch a glimpse of my mother on horseback. The most beautiful woman to grace the earth and the most skilled in combat. She taught me everything I know and for that I could never thank her enough. Behind me came up my wife Torvi, I smile down at her and hold her hand. She knows that I will do anything for my family, especially my mother and sister. And I will protect them at any cost. As my mother gets down from her horse I immediately go towards her and give her a hug. “You know that surprise I told you about in the letter. Well, I have an even better one now.” I say whilst chuckling in her ear. “My son, how many times do I need to tell you that Im not so easily surprised.” She laughs back at me. You don’t know what's in store mother...

After much due catching up with my mother. It’s time to get down to business. Father fills mother in about the fact that there has been a murder the night go the spring festival. My mother begins to ask questions on how we've conducted the investigation, to which Ubbe fills her in. I cant seem to pry my eyes away from the doors. Hoping that my sister and brother walk into the hall safely. It’s been hours and no one has heard or seen of them. “Bjorn, are you okay? You're not really focused on the matter at hand?” Torvi says while placing her hand on my knee. “Yeah...Yeah, Im fine just a little anxious thats all.” At that she leaves it alone. It is then that we hear some jugs fall over and loads of laughter. “Hvitty get upppp. Everyone is gonna knowwww....” I can hear the slurs of my younger sister.  “Pfttt.. Like they careeee, were just having some funnnn....” Great these two are drunk of their asses and dropping shit everywhere. It is then that they both enter the hall. (Y/n) is carrying Hvitserk, in what seems to be a futile attempt to act normal. But when her eyes land on the blonde graying hair of our mother she drops Hvitserk and immediately you can see that she sobers up. 

“Mama...”

At that my mother stops talking. And her eyes begin to well up with tears. “No. it cannot be. It’s the gods playing tricks on me.” My mother says whilst looking down, refusing to turn around. My father gets up from his chair and kneels beside my mother. “It is true. She is here, come with me. I promise you she will not be taken from you again.” My father’s voice cracks at the end. As I truant where my sister stands I can see the pan and suffering coursing through her body. Her eyes show a small child that was ripped from her safe place and placed in an evil and hungry world, that only wanted to make her suffer. As my mother and father stand up I catch a glimpse of Aslaug and her stone cold face. That is filled with rage and what seems to be a predatory glare towards my sister. Trying to put it to rest and not say anything, I turn towards my parents. My father holds may mother in his arms as to keep her from falling over. “ My baby girl. Tell me that this was not dream that Ive had for the past 6 years and that you're actually here with me.” My mother manages to say through her tears. But,(y/n) is barely able to get anything out through her sobs. All she does is run to where my mother and father stand and embraces them. At that they all fall to the floor in their embrace. Hvitserk is now standing beside me. Watching, with the rest of us the reunion of a mother with her child. In my daze of being focused on my parents and sister reuniting I fail to realize that both Torvi and Aslaug are missing......

Aslaug POV

“She should have been dead!!! What part of kill the insolent bastard child do you not understand!” I scream at Torvi. “You did not tell me that she was the daughter of Ragnar and Lagertha. Much less Bjorn's sister!” I had ordered Torvi to kill (y/n) so that what I had done that night many years ago, would not come back to haunt me or my family. I did this in order to protect them. That insolent child will only bring death with her. The death of our gods. And that is something I will not allow. I had faked to not have known about her existence all that time ago, but I cannot put past me the prophecy that was foretold by the volva. I will do anything in my power to make sure that she gets nowhere near my sons. For I rather die then see an era were Vikings and Christians alike are one people.... “When Helga and Floki get to the dock. Report back to me immediately and tell Floki that he has an unfinished job from 6 years ago.” As I stare at my husband and his so called “family” I cannot help, but get a bad feeling about this. 

That Christian child will pay for coming between my family....

[angrylizardjacket]

when i said it i thought it was true [1] {Ben Hardy}

Anon asked: could you do an imagine where ben is the reader’s ex and they are somehow working together on the set of bo rhap and they fall in love all over again ☺️ could you make it angst-y and then end with fluff? i love your writing so much!!

Anon asked: could you do an imagine where the reader is in bo rhap, maybe playing as one of roger’s gfs or something and she kind of falls in love with ben while filming the scenes with him as roger 💖 very fluffy pls :D

A/N: 3124 words. Super AU version of BoRhap being filmed in the fic. There’s gonna be another part, that will fill the prompts better. This might end up being a series. I hope you enjoy. Feedback would be nice.

When your manager rings you, telling you that you’d landed a part in the Queen Biopic Bohemian Rhapsody, you were elated. Freddie Mercury was a bit of a personal hero of yours, and to be a part of his story on the big screen, it was sort of a dream come true. 

In your first meeting, you sign a nondisclosure agreement, and you’re given the latest draft of the script to start learning, as well as a character brief. The script calls your character ‘Amanda’, the girlfriend of Roger Taylor who he eventually realises he wants to settle down with. You’d seen pictures of young Roger Taylor, you wouldn’t lie, you were excited for the role. Honestly, even today he was still quite a fox.

The point is, you were excited to have a fun time on set with a pretty blonde, make some new connections, and earn some good money. Some really good money.

The other shoe drops when you’re flicking through Instagram, and one of the stan accounts you follow has posted a leaked screenshot of the proposed cast list, and there’s your name, right beside the name of the last person you wanted to pretend to be in love with. Ben Hardy; pretty blonde extraordinaire, and your ex-boyfriend.

The table read is... awkward. 

The two of you are sat next to each other, and barely spoke two words to each other. You feel unprofessional the whole time, but you’d rather be anywhere else in the world, and the delivery of some of your lines falls a little flat. The director casts a concerned look between yourself and Ben as you rattle of what’s meant to be banter like you’re reading the news paper.

“They’ve got no damn chemistry; it’s like watching a celebrity divorce hearing.” When the Director vents to one of the producers in the hall outside after the reading, you manage to catch it where you’re just about to come out of the bathroom.

“They’ll be better on set, I promise, it’s just jitters.” She tries to soothe his nerves, and they’re off soon after, and you’re left with a cold, sinking sensation in your stomach.

“You’re Y/N, aren’t you? How are you finding the set?” The guy who greets you on your first day on the Eastenders set smiles with such casual ease it feels like you’ve known him for a while, instead of having just met him.

“Yeah, that’s me.” You agree with a quick nod, rocking back on your heels as you gaze around the space, trying not to look at him for too long. “It’s a bit overwhelming.” Actually, what’s overwhelming is that he’s talking to you. He’s Ben fucking Hardy, pretty-boy on the soap-opera scene, and he’s talking to you on your first day.

“Yeah, you’ll be right though; if you need any help or anything, just give us a yell, yeah?” And you realise he probably doesn’t know who you’re playing, or how you’re involved in that Season’s arc, but you certainly did.

“I didn’t know you could play drums.” You’re trying to be casual when you say it, but you see Ben tense where he’s sitting on a sofa in the rehearsal room, script and pencil in hand.

“I can now, that’s all that really matters.” He’s giving off such strong ‘please leave me alone’ vibes that it almost hurts, and you have to push through the knot in your stomach and sit down next to him.

“Ben, we need to at least be civil.” You say quietly, and he looks at you, expression a little forlorn.

“Y/N, we are civil, and we’ve done this before. Let’s just keep it professional, okay?” His tone leaves little room for argument, and you nod in agreement with a small smile, and pull out your phone, waiting for the rehearsal director.

“Hey there, baby, I don’t think I’ve seen you around here; I know I’d recognise your face.” You purr, running your hand delicately over the collar of Ben’s shirt, as his eyes widened and he spluttered to form a sentence, just as the script had told him to. 

Your character was more a plot device than anything, when Ben’s character is at a low point, his main romance is on a break, and he meets you, a temptress in all black. Your job is to give his character a realisation, he starts as your cocaine dealer when his supplier can’t make the drop, and he falls for you. Depending on the audience reaction, you knew the producers were waiting to see if they kill you off or have you recover from your addiction. The point is, your fate’s uncertain at the end of the Season, and Ben’s character realises he has to get out of the drug trade.

“I’ve got something for you, from Oskar. Can we go somewhere more private?” When he speaks, it’s with surprising confidence, and he steps up from the bar stool and into your space, smiling as your face lights up. The director calls cut after a moment, and you step back, smile sliding to something genuine as an assistant comes in and straightens your loose, black silk shirt, and they reset the shot for a new take.

“Ben, could you try less flustered? You’re here to deliver drugs, you’re not a schoolboy.” The director’s voice was kind as she came up to the two of you, and Ben agreed easily before she turned to you. “Great job, Y/N, don’t be afraid to be more even more forward, if you feel it.” As soon as you nod in understanding, she absconds, and you half laugh.

“If I was any more forward I’d be in your lap.” You snickered, voice quiet as you dipped your head to hide how you were faintly flustered. Ben was quiet, just watching you for a moment, but before you noticed, the director called for everyone to standby.

“I’m after Maggie, do you know where I could find her?” Ben starts as soon as the cameras start rolling, brow furrowed as he leans across the bar to speak to the bartender, and that’s your cue to enter the scene.

“Hey there, baby, I don’t think I’ve seen you around here; I know I’d recognise your face.” And when you say it this time, he smirks back at you, a little cocky, and you can feel the way it makes your heart flutter and you know it’s not as fake as it should be.

Before filming even starts, the producers have essentially forced you and Ben into bonding sessions which, if this were several years ago, would have just been dates. Now they’re awkward and tense, and you tend to bring heavily highlighted scripts.

“I saw you in that Wes Anderson movie last year. It was a really good performance, one of your best.” He offers over coffee. The idea that he’d kept up with enough of your work to label one ‘your best’ has you a little shocked, and something in your heart warms as you thank him softly.

It’s gotten easier to hang around with him, and it’s even easier to pretend to be in love with him in rehearsals. It’s like riding a bike, how easy it is to let yourself smile and lean into him, to let the banter flow easily between the two of you, fond jabs that edge on insulting coming as easily as breathing.

Joe mentions that he thought the two of you worked together before, and when you reply that you’d dated for almost a year, he goes very quiet, eyes going wide. After a beat, he admits it explains a lot.

“X-Men did you real dirty.” You’re half paying attention to an interview with Roger Taylor that the two of you had been instructed to watch together. You’re both in his trailer, sitting on opposite ends of the sofa as you watch in almost complete silence.

“What?” He asks, after a beat, your words having taken a moment to process.

“Killing you off like that; they could have gotten so much mileage out of your character.” The way you say it is far too well thought out to be an idle thought. Ben smirked.

“You just liked the leather pants.” He muttered, but you’re silence is answer enough. You know he sees your embarrassed smile, but you can’t bring yourself to deny it.

“Hey, do you wanna grab a drink after and go through notes and blocking and stuff?” You’re shooting your third episode, and you’re far more comfortable on set by now. Agreeing easily, you let Ben drive the two of you to what he claims is the best pub in town, and you sit in one of the more secluded booths to talk.

It turns out he’s just as much a fan of you as you are of him; you’re known more for your bit-parts in long-running series, it seems like the only show you hadn’t been a part of so far had been Eastenders, it was only a matter of time. It’s an innocent night, true to his word, all you do is talk, and discuss the script. There is one part of the upcoming script that has you a bit nervous. 

“Listen, honestly just go for it; it’s not meant to be sweet or anything, I’m literally taking coke from you.” You tell him, fidgeting, and he’s hums thoughtfully.

“You sure? We can talk to the director, I’m sure-” He offers, but you laugh to hide your nervousness.

“Nah, let’s knock it out of the park, the script says go for it so just go for it.” You assured him, heart rate already quickening at the mere thought of it. 

The next day, before the scene, the director comes over to talk you through it, making sure that if anything becomes uncomfortable, that you can talk to her. Both you and Ben assure her that it’s fine.

“You’re far too cute for this line of work.” You say as you hold a baggie of “cocaine” up to the light, smile playing on your lips.

“Cute? Ouch, you really know how to wound a man, you know.” He says, leaning back against the sofa in the hallway of the grubby hotel your character was staying in. He’s watching you with interest, small smile playing on his lips.

“Cute’s not a bad thing, baby, but you look like you should be making coffees or playing football in the sun, not here, not with me.” And you tap out a little of the powder onto your hand, pretending to snort it before you turn to him, his expression dark and hungry, and he kisses you, aggressive, almost desperate, and you lean into it, almost forget you’re playing a role with his hand on the back of your neck. When he lets go, when he pulls away, your eyes are still closed and you chase his lips for a moment. Eyes flickering open, you see him smirking down at you where he’s standing, and you both know it wasn’t entirely acting.

“You don’t know anything about me.” He growls, and you know you have to smile like you’re into it, like it’s a challenge, but instead, you duck your gaze, giving a small laugh and wiping at the nostril you’d just “snorted cocaine” through, before looking up at him through your eyelashes.

They call cut, and the director announces, almost a little awed, that she’s pretty sure they got the the take, actually says she’s not sure if she could getting a better take if they tried again. Ben seems far too pleased with himself. 

“They want us to tell the public we’re together.” You’re resting your head on Ben’s chest laying at the back of the tour-bus set, and his hand is resting on your waist, which is bare for the crop top and booty shorts they’ve put you in.

“Yeah, I heard.” He replies, voice equally quiet. “I think we’ve got a meeting about it tomorrow morning.” Gwil and Rami are actually playing scrabble at the front of the bus, and Joe is talking to Singer, the director.

“It’s a bad idea.” You’re so frank that you feel Ben freeze, and you heave a sigh. “It’s good for the movie, but Ben...” You trail off, and you feel it when he forces himself to relax. “It wouldn’t be real, it would just be weird.”

“Y/N, we’re actors.” He says very pointedly, and when you turn, resting your chin on his chest, he looks tired, a little exasperated. “It’s just a business deal.” He assured, and you let out a low, thoughtful grumble. 

“We’ll discuss it tomorrow.” You allow, and he nods once, shifting to a more comfortable position, and you go back to resting your head on his chest, eyes fluttering closed as Singer called for the shot to be reset and a bunch of people came and straightened your clothes, and touched up your makeup, all without you having to move much.

You agree to the terms set forth in the meeting easily, the story being that your relationship rekindled on set, and that you were now madly in love, mirroring the relationship you were portraying on screen.

“Wait, does that mean-?” Ben leans forward in his chair, with his heart in his throat as he followed their logic, thinking through the plot of the movie. “Like engaged?” He asked.

“Seems a bit fast.” You agreed, voice level enough that someone might mistake you for calm rather than internally freaking out, and your managers shared a look.

“There will be a public proposal during or after the world premiere, that’s up to you both, and after the movie is out on DVD, you can go your separate ways.” They assured, but your mouth fell open.

“You know he left me for X-Men, right?” You splutter, and Ben’s eyes widen as he turns to you with a scoff.

“You’re the one who said the distance was too much for us while I was in Cairo.” He snapped, and you threw your hands in the air.

“I was offering to come and stay with you instead, but you said you were too busy!” That was enough to shut him up, his mouth snapping closed as he turned away sharply, huffing out a resigned sigh.

“We have a few brands and restaurants who are interested in sponsoring, and the producers are willing to increase both your salaries if you go through with it for the full duration.” Your manager informed you both carefully, and you and Ben shared a resigned look.

“Fake intend to marry me for like three months?” He asked, voice low and bitter, and after heaving a long sigh, you look to your managers,

“Fine.”

“I think I love you.” Ben’s character shows up at your character’s door, and you open it in a silk robe. 

“Hello to you too.” You laughed, but he’s so serious, so sincere, and when he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t offer anything else, you step up to him, pressing your lips to his, and he wraps his arms around you, hands sliding against the silk over your hips, and you pull back.

“You’re too sweet for me, baby,” voice so low it’s barely a whisper, he’s the one who chases your lips this time, but your catch his chin, and his eyes open. 

“You’re high.” He says softly, voice raw and a little desperate.

“And you’re my dealer.” You push him back gently, going to close the door and his expression turns angry.

“That doesn’t mean anything; I love you, Maggie.” His words hang heavily in the air, but before you can respond, they call for cut. You’re told to play it more like it hurts to try and turn him down, and you agree, smiling and nodding all the while. Everyone sets up for another take and you close the door.

When you kiss him this time, his hands are holding your face, and you’ve got your arms around his neck, and it’s like the world falls away from around you. It’s not acting now, hasn’t been for weeks, almost months now, not since he’d asked you out officially. Every time you kiss him you’re desperate to drown in his embrace, and he kisses you like it’s just the two of you, no cameras, no scripts.

“You’re-” and he cuts you off with another quick kiss, which has you laughing a little sadly, “Peter you’re too sweet for me.” He rests his forehead against yours, heaving a sigh.

“I know you’re high.” He says gently, and you don’t push him away this time, just lean back, your finger lifting his chin.

“And you’re my dealer.” You tell him, expression falling.

“That doesn’t mean anything, that doesn’t matter; I love you.” And you know that in that moment, the words mean so much more than the script, than these characters, than the show; he loves you. Ben loves you.

You avoid him, outside of filming, until you actually get a call from your manager telling you you’re contractually obligated to be seen in public together at least once a week. Even while filming you’re short with him, and he’s quick to get away from you the moment he doesn’t need to be around you, which was getting to be pretty bad, seeing as how you had been blocking a sex scene.

After the call, you and Ben get a drink. It’s awkward at first, though that’s unsurprising. After a long sip of his beer, he pats his thighs where he’s sitting in the armchair across from you. You make a face at him, shaking your head. 

“It’ll look less suspicious than if we’re shouting at each other across the table.” He hissed, and you groaned, obliging and crossing to sit yourself in his lap. He’s warm and secure, and he wraps his arm around you like it’s second nature. “Let’s not make this weird.” He said gently, and you nod.

“As for tomorrow’s shoot,” you said softly, leaning in to make sure no-one else heard, and he nodded, humming softly, “we’re professionals, and,” after a beat you cleared your throat pointedly, “it’s not like we haven’t done it before.”

“Not in front of a camera crew we haven’t.” Ben says with a smirk, and you snicker in agreement. “It’s gonna go fine; this is all gonna go fine, I promise.” And when you raise your eyebrows at him in surprised question, he just laughs softly, and brings you in for a chaste kiss. “It’s only until the DVD’s released.” He assures you, and you let your expression fall, already weary.

“Ben, that’s over a year away.”

[ladyboltontoyou]

Arthur Morgan x Reader: Farmer’s Daughter. 3

Ask: OH MY GOD IMAGINE THE READER IS A GIRL FROM A GOOD FAMILY, SHES WITH ARTHUR FOR A WHILE NOW, THE PARENTS WANT TO MEET HIM. THEY’RE HAVING FAMILY DINNER AND THE COWBOY MAN JUST CANT KEEP HIS HANDS TO HIMSELF UNDER THE TABLE oh my god if your request are open and you would write that i would probably, most likely die...oh btw i love the “farmer’s daughter” story OH MY GOD MAYBE THIS COULD BE THE NEXT PART AAAAAAAAH SHIT! okay okay i’m sorry i just got excited! love your writing, have a great day!

Warnings: Cursing, probably. Slightly public sex, ya get fingered at dinner ok? 

Pairing: Arthur Morgan x Reader

A/N: YEEHAW MY FELLOW SLUTS! ENJOY! Also, idk what they called panties back then so I just went with panties, ok? 

Two months later and you had fallen completely in love with the man. You both had told yourselves you wouldn’t let it get that far but it was nearly impossible. Every time you would see each other he had something to give you, be it a new drawing of yourself, wildflowers he had found out in the woods, or some suspiciously expensive jewelry that he wouldn’t talk about.

He hadn’t planned on any of it, really, but multiple times a day he would see something that reminded him of you and he just knew he had to take it. Even the jewelry he had stolen from the folks who were unlucky enough to start a fight with him.

After a while of successfully sneaking around the day came you’d both been expecting. Your father caught him. 

It wasn’t in the way you’d thought it would happen, thankfully. He didn’t walk in on the two of you or catch Arthur climbing up to your room or sneaking out of it. It was more subtle and less suspicious. The two of you, like the fools you were, were out in broad daylight at the stables on your property. You would go out there regularly to spend time with your horse so you knew your parents wouldn’t question you being down there. 

You should have known being that comfortable sneaking around was just asking to be caught. And sure enough, you were.

“(Y/N)? Who is this?”

You fucking twitched. When you turned around you saw your father standing behind you with a look of concern on his face and one of the stable boys watching the whole thing go down. You had given him some money earlier to keep his mouth shut and he sure was getting more than he asked for.

“Howdy mister!” Arthur waved and stepped past you. “Remember me? I stopped by here a while back to ask for some directions.”

Your father squinted and reluctantly shook his hand. Suddenly realization spread across his features as it all clicked. “Oh! Yes!” He laughed and clapped Arthur’s shoulder. “How have you been? Ever find your way?”

“Sure did, thanks to you. I was in town and was asking around, looking to buy some good horses, and a few folks told me you were the man to talk to.” You looked at Arthur with parted lips, in shock at how good of a liar he was. He turned a potential disaster into the most casual and normal interaction without the slightest effort. It was kind of scary.

Your father laughed and nodded, crossing his arms proudly. “You’ve come to the right place, follow me.” 

Arthur tossed you a wink and you had to smile then, dumbfounded by how smoothly the whole thing went.

***

After your father had whisked Arthur away to the expensive section of your stables you went back home. Your mother was preparing dinner along with one of the ranch hands, which surprised you. When you questioned why he was there she explained he was making his mother’s famous gumbo, your mother insisted upon it after she had sent some over to your family. 

When dinner rolled around your father made it back just in time, a surprise guest at his heels. 

“Jane, you remember this man, don’t you? He was the fellow on the white horse who asked for directions to-”

“Of course I do!” She wiped her hands with a kitchen rag, walking into the main room where the two men stood. 

You stood up from the kitchen table to watch the whole thing play out, locking eyes with Arthur who just shrugged.

“He came down today to buy a horse from us!” Your father said as he closed the front door behind them. “And to congratulate him on his purchase I’ve invited him to stay for dinner.”

Your mother smiled happily, it wasn’t often you had visitors that weren’t your families prude friends or relatives. “Good! We’re having gumbo tonight, Thomas is cooking his mother’s very own recipe.”

“Oh!” Your father raised his brows. “The one she sent over yesterday?”

“That’s the one.” 

“Brilliant! I loved that.” 

The two of them talked for a while before Thomas announced the soup was done and your mother went back into the kitchen to help him serve. Your father excused himself to wash up, telling you and his guest to have a seat in the dining room.

You sat down next to Arthur and gave him a look. 

“What?” When he finally noticed you looking at him he furrowed his brows.

“How did you manage that?”

“Manage what?”

You snorted, rolling your eyes. “Come on. You’re the best liar I’ve ever met.”

Arthur shrugged, taking the glass of water that Thomas set down in front of him.

 “You must not of met a lot of people then.”

“All right, then. Keep your secrets.” 

He chuckled and set the glass back down on the table after taking a few generous sips. “Before we almost got ourselves killed, I was going to give you somethin’.” Another gift? He reached in his pocket and pulled out a small folded piece of paper. “Don’t let anyone see that.” He added with a whisper since Thomas had walked in with the rest of the drinks. 

You smiled at him and slowly unfolded the paper in your lap under the table. Once you had it done you squinted before realizing it was upside down. You flipped it the right way and your face was suddenly burning. Your breath caught in your throat as you took it all in, quickly folding it back up when your mother walked into the room carrying the giant pot of soup. 

The urge to punch him was strong. Why did he have to give that to you then? Why couldn’t he wait? You slipped the paper in the front pocket of your dress and cleared your throat. 

Arthur chuckled and took another sip of water, smiling sweetly at your mother as she started filling everyone's bowls. “Thank you, ma’am.” 

It was impossible to get the image out of your head. It was a drawing of you, completely naked, lying on your stomach with your head resting on your folded arms, your legs kicked up and locked at the ankles. You were looking directly into the viewer’s eyes with a wicked smirk on your face, some of your hair in your face. Once again you looked utterly magnificent, your body drawn in a way that accentuated every part of you perfectly. If it wasn’t a drawing of you, you probably would have gotten off to it. You probably would anyway, knowing Arthur was the one who drew it.

“What horse did you end up buying, Mr…”

“Arthur. The young brown mustang, think your husband called him Taro.”

Your mother nodded and sat down at the opposite end of the table when she was finally done serving. You wished she would let you help with dinner but she was firm in her belief, not allowing you or your father to help her in the slightest.

It was another ten minutes before your father finally joined you, taking his seat beside his wife. “Please excuse me, got carried away with my hair again.” He laughed and eagerly started eating. Your mother shared a laugh with him, chiding him lightly about how vain he was.

Most of dinner was fine, you all talked about the usual dinner subjects such as work, the weather, and town gossip. You barely paid attention though, the image of you drawn naked was stuck in your mind, along with the idea of Arthur drawing it. You wondered if he had done it in the heat of a lust filled moment or if it was just something normal to him.

What finally snapped you out of your thoughts was the feeling of a hand on your knee. You brushed it off at first, it seemed innocent enough, he had done it plenty of times before when the two of you laid together. It wasn’t inherently sexual.

But then he moved his hand lower, brushing his fingers against the hem of your dress. You looked at him with a subtle glance but he refused to acknowledge you at all. 

Crossing your legs you tried to get him to stop but that didn’t deter the cowboy at all. He pulled your dress up just enough to slip his hand under the fabric, then let the hem fall back down over his arm. You wanted to curse him out but you held your tongue and tried to act as natural as possible, taking another spoonful of soup into your mouth. 

“So, Arthur, you never told us what you do for a living.” Your father said after sending one of the kitchen maids to bring out a bottle of wine.

His hand traveled up to your thighs, his fingers gently rubbing circles over your skin. “Oh, well, it’s nothin’ excitin’. I work for a man collecting debts from people. Good money.”

“Oh!” Your father acted impressed, shrugging and exchanging a look with your mother. 

“If that isn’t exciting, I wonder what is to you!” Your mother laughed and so did your father.

‘Maybe fingering your daughter five feet away from you.’ You thought as you shifted in your seat, thankful for how high the table was. If it was any lower surely they would see that the lower half of his arm was extended towards you.

Slowly, extremely slowly, his hand continued it’s journey upwards. You forced yourself to keep a straight face, even when you felt the tips of his fingers brush against your panties. ‘No problem,’ you told yourself, feeling him pull the fabric aside so he could touch you better. ‘No big deal.’

Arthur rubbed slow circles into your clit with a firm amount of pressure, but not quick or firm enough to get you anywhere fast. And he knew it, too. He ate his second bowl of soup just as normally as he did the first, showing no signs of the fact that his fingers were about to be stuffed inside of you. 

You liked to think you looked just as calm as he did. You had finished your soup and were waiting for everyone else to so your mother could bring out dessert, and then you could finally leave the table. If only Arthur would hurry up and finish his meal. 

The small talk carried on and left almost no silence which worked to your advantage. If they were quiet they probably would hear how fast your breathing had gotten, especially when Arthur pushed that first finger inside of you. You had to practically bite through your tongue to keep the moan silenced. 

“(Y/N), you’re quiet, for once. Are you sick?” Your father joked and everyone laughed, including Arthur. That bastard. 

“I’m fine, just like listening to you all talk.” You said quickly, surprised at how even and calm your voice sounded. Almost as if you weren’t being finger fucked. 

That seemed to satisfy them enough and they carried on with conversation.

Normally at dinner, you rarely drank any wine, since you were never able to just have one glass. It always led to two, or sometimes even three, and you would end up passed out on your bed hours before you usually would. But tonight you happily drank, finishing the second glass right as Arthur had two fingers curling inside of you. 

As hard as you tried not to let yourself orgasm you could feel it approaching rapidly. Arthur could too, noting how your chest rose and fell and how you were twitching around his fingers. He slowed down momentarily, allowing you to catch your breath, before he was right back at it, quicker than before. He had a hard-on of his own but with his belt and gun holster in the way, no one would have the slightest idea, even if they looked right at his crotch. Lucky him.

“Are we ready for dessert?” Your mother's voice scared you out of your wits and you jumped. 

“Yes!” You laughed to draw attention away from the fact that you almost spilled your wine. 

She left along with the kitchen maid, directing her to get together new sets of dishes. 

His fingers curled quicker as he sipped on his wine, keeping his eyes anywhere but your father or you. Your father kept up the small talk, allowing you to give yourself the time to focus on having a discreet and quiet orgasm. 

You slowed your breathing as you felt it coming, gripping Arthur’s arm under the table with your left hand as you curled your other hand into a fist around your dress. He looked down at you for a split second, savoring the sight of you as best as he could before he forced himself to look away as to not look suspicious. He gave you a few more deep pumps before you came. The heat and tingles exploded, rippling from your clit and inside your body to your entire form. You bit your lip and looked down, sinking your nails into the skin of his arm. The waves of pleasure that coursed through your body were enough to make anyone scream but you kept your mouth shut and posture still. 

When it finally finished you sat back in your seat, running a hand through your hair as you sighed, wiping the sweat off your forehead when your father wasn't looking. Arthur smirked at you and you threw him the angriest glare you could, but you couldn’t keep it for long. When he chuckled you broke out into a smile and you had to look away so you didn’t laugh.

“Here it is!” Your mother said proudly as she carried the pecan pie into the dining room. “Took me all day!” 

Arthur made a show of looking impressed and your father praised your mother's cooking to no end, telling her that she was the best cook in the whole west. She smiled proudly and served everyone's plates. Thank god you had already came and Arthur’s hand was back where it belonged.

“I’m going to make you regret that.” You whispered to Arthur as your mother talked about how hard it was to find enough pecans. 

“Lookin’ forward to it.”

[killian-whump]

I attribute that "stiffness" to the colifer bunch. Jen and Colin were always very casual and comfortable together (to my eye) until somewhere in s5, which happens to be about when those guys behavior got particularly bad. I dunno. I think Colin and Jen were always and still are friends, and I definitely don't agree that she didn't support him, but I do think they're not as close as before? Whether that's because of fucking irl shippers, or no longer being around each other a lot, or both.

Yeah, I don’t doubt that a lot of the discomfort they had around each other, especially in later years, was due to the nonsense that was going on with the fans. Especially when they harassed his family or spoke ill of his wife.

And I guess that’s where my comment about Jen’s lack of support comes in. Colin has had to literally shut down any mention of his wife or family with the fans, and has to watch every little thing he says or does for fear of what the fandom will take and run with as evidence of their “true love” or whatever. I mean, the guy can’t even work in a forge without those nutters latching on to his lack of a wedding ring when he’s working with molten metal. Geez. But then Jen encourages things by responding to a lukewarm birthday greeting with x’s and o’s and... it feels, honestly, like she’s not even trying to help him out in that regard. Especially when, let’s be honest, most of the Colifer fans are from Jen’s fandom in the first place. I honestly don’t know any Colin fans who support that shit. (For what it’s worth, I don’t really expect her to “police” her fans - that kind of toxic fan is likely to consider ANY attention to be good attention and her chastising them would likely backfire and only encourage them further. I think ignoring them is a perfectly valid tactic, but I DO think she could be more considerate of Colin’s efforts to not stir them up.)

I also feel like he is MUCH more comfortable doing panels/interviews with other people. I confess, when I first got into the fandom and mostly only ever saw him doing interviews/panels with Jen, I just assumed that she was picking up his slack and doing most of the talking because that’s how he liked it. And I believed the nonsense Colifers spouted about how “shy” Colin is and how he could never carry an interview/panel on his own. But now that I’ve seen him do plenty of interviews/panels on his own and alongside Josh, Robert, Rose, Lana, Bex, Sean, Lee, Liam, people from other projects and whoever else I’m forgetting... He does a great job. He talks. He jokes. He hams it up. He’s an active part of the whole thing. And now, seeing his old interviews with Jen... They're painfully awkward to me. He looks uncomfortable. Stiff. Overthinking everything he says. And maybe it IS just because he’s gotten better at dealing with fans and fame, but I don’t really think Jen helped him do that. I think at best her domination of the dialogue allowed him to get by without developing the needed skills for too long - and, at worst, it made him feel uncomfortable expressing himself freely. (Again, that’s nothing against Jen, herself. It’s not her responsibility to look after him or make sure he’s expressing himself. I’m just saying that I believe he works better with others in joint interviews than he does with Jen.)

Anyway, I don’t necessarily think anything bad happened between them. I don’t think they no longer get along or that there was ever anything wrong with their friendship. I just don’t think it was as grand as some of their fans like to think it was. And I do think whatever’s become of that friendship probably has a LOT to do with them no longer working together on a daily basis. I just feel like, while he’s going to maintain a strong friendship with some of the Once cast (like Sean or Josh, for instance), he’s not going to maintain that with everyone from the cast - and I feel like Jen might just be one of those people who fades into a fond acquaintance instead of remaining a good friend.

And, really, there’s nothing wrong with that.

*As a note to anyone reading this, I use “Colifer” exclusively to refer to the idea of them being “more than friends”. I use O’Morrison as a tag and a term for their general friendship. I think O’Morrison is fine and dandy - but Colifer should be mocked at every opportunity and with great aplomb :P

**Also, I’m not tagging this anti Jen, because it’s not.

[dragonwitch77]

Death’s Flower

High up in the sky, higher than any cloud could reach, higher than any mountain peak, higher still to the stars is the realm of gods. A land filled with prosper, with rare creatures that frolic in enchanted woods, with rivers that run with crystal waters, and stone buildings fit for kings of kings. Here gods are kings that dine on the freshest and sweetest fruits, living in laps of luxury and comfort.

On the highest mountain in the realm, in the largest building filled to the speck with knowledge lives the ruler of the gods. Zaman, the God of Time. With his power of time, Zaman was in charge to make sure that everything ran its natural course. Filled with infinite wisdom and knowledge, he was the most respected and well-loved amongst the gods.

Zaman’s daughter, Lyvia, was the Goddess of Beauty. Her beauty was unmatched and could never be replicated. She gifted young women with beauty and gifts of song. Many gods and mortal men wished to be with her, but Zaman, fearing his daughter’s arrogance for attention, kept his daughter away from prying hands by keeping her in the garden.

Lyvia didn’t mind as she could watch the mortals down below with the garden’s lakes. Every day she watched as the mortals struggled day in and day out, working and fighting against one another and finding it amusing when one should proclaim their love for her. But as the days went by, Lyvia started to feel an emptiness inside of her.

Day in and day out, she watched as mortal woman found love, baring children into the world. It left her envious for she had a soft spot for young innocents. She longed to hold a small child close to her chest, to sing sweet lullabies to calm their cries, to enjoy the simple outlook a child had on the world and teach a young mind the world around them.

But Zaman since refused to let her out of the garden or to let any man into his home, she could never have a child of her own with a man or god.

However, Lyvia was not without her cleverness.

If she could not have a child with another man or god, then she would have a child that she made herself. For long nights, Lyvia searched through her father’s ancient knowledge, looking over notes and studies for any hope to make a child. She asked her father, begging him if he had any idea how to make this child without a man.

Zaman, while not pleased of his daughter’s idea, could not provide her with any answers to her task. For how could child be born without both a woman and a man?

This did not stop Lyvia from trying to find an answer. Years went by, fruitless night searching her father’s study proved to be a useless chase. So, she called for the oldest god for help. Veleda, the eldest Goddess of Fates. Hoping Veleda had what she seeked, the younger god told Veleda of her woes and her desire.

Pitying the young goddess, Veleda whispered into her ear of what she deeply desired.

Joy leapt into Lyvia’s heart, and the goddess was filled with happiness. She thanked Veleda, setting off at once to fill out her heart’s desire.

With her new knowledge, she quickly set to work making her child. She told her father of her plan, begging him to gather what was needed to make her child. Hesitant, Zaman carried out his daughter’s wishes, for he wished his daughter only happiness.

Gathering all that she needed, Lyvia set to work making her child. But it was not a task that could be accomplished in a single night.

Despite following Veleda’s every word and task needed, Lyvia could not make a child. Her attempts would end with failure with disappointment and sadness filling the goddess’s heart. Still, she persisted, determined to have her child, no matter how long it took or how many times she failed.

Night after night she tried to make her child, and night after night she failed. With each failure, Lyvia wept with sadness, not understanding how she could not make a child. She deeply believed in Veleda’s shared knowledge, refusing to stop till she had her child in her arms.

Many long nights went by, until the ninth month one night, when Lyvia’s stubbornness finally paid off when a child’s first breath cried into the night sky. Her many trails and errors had finally rewarded her with the child she longed for.

Her very own baby girl.

)*(

Once word had gotten out that Lyvia had brought the new little god into the world, many flooded the hill hoping to see this newborn. Zaman still kept many of the men away from his home, but allowed some gods to enter, bearing gifts for his grandchild.

“Oh man goodness! Look at her! She’s absolutely prefect Lyvia! Look at her little fingers~! And her pudgy face! That’s a face of a troublemaker, I can tell.”

Caitlin, the Goddess of Felines and Large Beasts, cooed at the new little god wrapped in fine silk blankets in Lyvia’s arms. She was short in height with a big build in her body, though she claimed that she wasn’t round and just pudgy on all sides. Her skin was dark with patches of white on her skin here and there, dressed in animal skins that made her look more feline if her tail and ears and cat like face weren’t enough.

“Oi! You said that exact same thin’ ‘bout me own kids! N’ they all turned out fine!” Someone shouted from across the room.

It was the well-known God of War, Coriander. He was an odd ball god, not only for his short stature and even shorter temper, but for always wearing his armor and never taking it off, even when there was no war going on. No god or mortal has ever seen his face due to his large helmet and bright golden orange hair covering his eyes.

“Are you still wearing that dusty thing?! For the Sisters sake, take it off! That thing is covered in blood and who knows what else!” Caitlin chastise, her tail swishing to and fro. “In fact, don’t come any nearer than you are! I don’t want you making the baby sick!”

“But Ah want tae look at the lil’ one!”

“Darling, your own wife wouldn’t let you hold your kids in that thing.”

The hairs on Coriander’s neck stood on end, bristling with anger as he quickly turned on his heels and hissed. “Shut yer peck neck mouth Grunde!”

Grunde, the God of Music, simply smiled easily as he smoothly stepped around the smaller god. Grunde was a more easy going god than the rest, favoring as what he call, a time before it reaches its popular. He dressing was questionable as his clothing covered most of his body in a red scarlet that had stone sewn in, making him sparkle in the light. Not to mention how he had asked the builders for his sandals to have very questionable extensions, making him just as tall as the rest of the gods around him. While his dressing was questionable, it was his hair that caught most attention. Every dark hair on top of his head was somehow pulled up into a large bouncing ball of puffy hair.

No one was sure how the god had managed such a task, or how he could do such absurd thing and somehow managing to make it look fitting on him. Maybe it was his bazaar nature. Maybe it was just how he was. Or maybe, just maybe, he did it all just to annoy Coriander.

It was well known that the two had a long lasting rivalry. No one knows or remembers how their rivalry began, but it was clear that the two would never truly get along with each other.

“My my! So this is the new little god I’ve heard about!” Grunde made his way over, taking in the sight of the newborn. “Magnificent! She is truly stunning! Almost like her mother!”

Lyvia blushed, hugging her daughter close. “She has father’s blue eyes and my fair skin. I’m hoping that when she gets older, she’ll have my singing talent and father’s wisdom.”

“A grand thing to hope for darling!” Grunde cheered. “It will be a grand day to hear two lovely ladies singing together!”

“Jus’ as long as ya don’t spread yer gaudy taste in fashion to the child!” Coriander shouted. “We suffer ‘nough with you lookin’ like a walkin’ tomato!”

Grunde’s face turned red with anger, spinning around and storming up to Coriander where the two started shouting insults at each other that were so loud, gods could hear it from four corridors away.

The baby in Lyvia’s arm started to squirm as the shouting from the two gods disturbed her nap. Her face scrunched in discomfort and as the shouting continued, getting louder and louder with each insult, she started to cry.

“Now look what you to idiots have done!” Caitlin growled, her eyes turning sharp with anger. “You went and disturbed the baby!” With an angry growl, she stormed over to the two, grabbing each of them by the neck and dragged them out of the room. “If neither of you can behave, then you shouldn’t bother showing up!”

Lyvia could only watch as the two gods were dragged out of the room with loud protests before her attention went back to her crying child. “Shh, it’s okay young one. Mother is here. I’m here. I’m here.” She whispered soft words to her child, rocking herself back and forth till the child’s cries settled into whimpers and then lulled to slumber.

“I’m impressed.” A deep old voice startled the young god, but relaxed at the sight of her father standing in the doorway. “You hadn’t had her for more than one night and already seem like a natural at this.”

“Father. I didn’t see you there. Have you’ve come to lecture me again?”

Zaman chuckled, rubbing his short white beard. “No, no. I just wanted to see my daughter and her child.”

“Then come say hello. She is your granddaughter.” Lyvia smiled, beckoning her father forward and showing her child with love. “Isn’t she wonderful? One day, she’ll be big and strong and ruling over the mortals like a real god. And she will be well known to all.”

“Don’t make hasty predictions just yet my child. Let her be a child for now and a powerful being later.” Zaman lightly touched his grandchild’s cheek. “I want to enjoy having a grandkid around for a long time.”

Lyvia giggled, kissing her child’s head.

The happy moment did not last however, as the room suddenly felt cold and dead. Lyvia’s eyes were suddenly wide with fear and her skin turned a pale color. Zaman’s three eyes narrowed, turning towards the doorway where cries of shock and horror were emanating.

“So our final guest has arrived.” Zaman spoke slowly, his cape fluttering as he stepped out of the room and made his way to the main room where it was filled with gods and goddesses. They all were pressed against the walls, fear etched onto their faces as whispers filled the room with eyes trained on the one lone being that stood in the center.

The being was tall, taller than any god in the room. Even taller than Grunde without any silly sandal extensions. The being was covered by a dark cloak that concealed their identity, standing tall and straight that demanded respected with their hood covered head held high and their golden eyes void of any emotion other than disdain and irritation glowing in the darkness deep inside the hood.

“What’s he doing here?”

“No one has died yet have they?”

“Gods don’t die! We’re immortal!”

“Has he come to curse the child?”

“How evil!”

“Well! How… unexpected to see you here.” Zaman smiled, though it seemed forced and lacking of any real qualities of a smile. “What brings the God of Death to my humble home Se-?”

“Do not speak that name to me.” The dark god hissed through gritted teeth, pulling his hood back. “That name was given by mortals. I refused to be associated with anything they may claim to know about beings like us.”

Zaman frowned. “Come on, you don’t really expect us to call you by that ridicules name you keep insisting to use. Sepht—”

“Snatcher! It’s Snatcher!” The god hissed, his tongue flicking in and out like a serpent. “You better do well to remember that Tim!”

“Now there’s no need for you to get angry… Snatcher.” Zaman sighed with reluctance. “And why do you keep calling me Tim? I never get that with you.”

“Tim just seems like a you name.” Snatcher shrugged.

“Oi! Is there a reason where yer here spook?! Or did ya jus’ come here tae spoil the party?!” Coriander shouted, being one of few brave gods to not back down from Snatcher’s unsettling presence. Caitlin slapped him behind his helmet as Snatcher glanced over his shoulder, his long black locks falling like a river that raced down his back.

“Well if it isn’t the whole gang.” His mouth twisted into a wide unwelcoming grin that took up have of his pale face. “CC, Grooves… you.”

Coriander fumed, and Caitlin with several gods rushed to restrain him before he could do anything risky.

“As much as reunions are fun, I’m here for more serious matters.” Snatcher turned to glare at each god and goddess. “It seems that someone thought it was funny to sneak into my domain and rip a piece of my cloak out.”

With dramatic flair, Snatcher threw open his cloak, revealing his thin body and a massive noticeable tear in his cape. A silence over took the room as everyone stare in shock at the noticeable tear in the cloak.

“Now, normally I should feel offended. Immensely angry as well. But! Since this is a special day celebrating your grandkid’s birth Timmy, I’m feeling oddly… generous.”

Zaman cringed at the nickname, trying hard not to look Snatcher in the eye. “And what would that be?”

“It’s simple!” Snatcher threw his arms wide. “All I want is the culprit to step forward so we can have a… little chat down in the Underworld. We wouldn’t want to spoil this day any further now do we? Now, will the offender please step forward?”

No one moved.

They all remained in place where they stood, eyeing the Underworld Lord warily. Zaman could see the fear on their faces. No one wanted to step forward. And for good reason. Snatcher wasn’t called the Lord of the Underworld without reason.

For a god with thin, almost bone and lanky build, he was no pushover. His power was almost unmatched next to Zaman’s, with a dark thirst for war and gruesome battles that led to the death. Most had heard rumors that since he got tired of trying to wash out all the blood in his clothes, he wore dark colors to hide his enemies blood. And dark was right.

All his clothes, to his shirt and gloves, to his barbarous choice to wear pants. Even his boots were dark in black color. What type of god wore pants?!

It was uncivil for the Sisters sake!

“Come on people. It’s not really like you’ve got any choice in the matter. I just want what’s mine back, and we can all go our separate ways! It’s that simple!”

“Well maybe the culprit isn’t here, have you thought of that?!”

Heads turned to the doorway. Lyvia stood there, shaken and holding her child tightly in her arms.

“Y-You… you are not welcomed here Lord of Death! This is supposed to be a happy time for celebration of my daughter’s birth.”

“Lyvia, don’t dare draw any attention to yourself!” Zaman hissed.

“Oh! So it’s a girl then?” Snatcher strode forward, taking long strides with his long limbs. “I’ll admit that I was a little curious to see if the rumors were true about you having a kid. Guess they were right!” He shoved aside Zaman as the older god tried to stop him, stopping to stand in front of Lyvia and grin down at her. Since he was so tall, he had to bend over just to look her in the eyes at her level but still towering over her.

Lyvia was frozen on the spot as the God of Death stared her down. She couldn’t move nor grab up the courage to look away from the cold dead golden eyes that seemed to pull her in and drag her into an abyss that was slowly both drowning her and sucking her soul right out of her body.

“Peck neck spook!” Coriander shouted, drawing Snatcher’s attention away from Lyvia, snapping her out of whatever trance she was in as she gasped for air and almost lost her strength to stand.

“Hey now! We don’t need foul language around the kid! I’m sure Lyvia would appreciate if you didn’t taint her kid’s innocence with such dirty language. After all, little… I sorry, what was the kid’s name again?”

Lyvia jumped back as Snatcher turned his gaze on her again. This time she managed to keep her eyes down and not look into his eyes. “Get out. Get out if you are not here to celebrate my child’s birth and only intend to bring disaster. Like you always do.”

Snatcher scoffed. “If you can’t even look someone in the eye to tell them off, then there’s no way they’ll listen to you.” He turned his gaze to the child.

Wide blue eyes stared at him, woken by the commotion and found a new stranger staring at them.

Snatcher grinned as he leaned down close to the child, his grin widening as Lyvia shivered with fear. When his face was close enough, his skin darkened and his jaws pulled back, showing off his rows of long thin sharp teeth as his eyes glowed an unnatural yellow, hissing like a snake with a fork tongue dragging across his fangs.

The child’s eyes widened. Everyone braced themselves for the child to burst out crying. Scarred forever with a deep terror of the dark ruler.

But to everyone’s surprise and shock the child did burst out.

Laughing.

Snatcher reeled back in shock, his face returning to its normal dead pale skin and dark bags under the eyes. He stared at the child that continued to laugh at him, smiling brightly with her eyes twinkling with joy.

“… you… need to have that kid checked out.” He grumbled, backing away slowly with his eyes never leaving the child before turning around and storming out of the building with his torn cape fluttering behind him.

Once everyone was sure he was gone, their eyes turned to Lyvia and her child. The new mother stood there in shock. What had her child just done? Did she really just laugh in the face of death? She looked to her child, seeing her yawn and snuggle against her chest, falling right back to sleep.

“… Whelp! It’s official!” Coriander drew everyone’s attention. “Ah like this lass!”

“Are you drunk Coriander?!”

“Lyvia’s child just laughed at the Lord of DEATH!”

“That’s not normal! Even for a god!”

“But that’s where yer wrong! Lyvia’s child ain’t normal! The lass was made by Lyvia n’ her alone with no spouse! Ya can’t blame her or the kid fer that! We’ve never seen a god bein’ created out of the usual way, so we can’t really expect anythin’ normal!”

Murmurs drifted in the air as Zaman reached for his daughter, guiding her someplace to sit down after the whole ordeal.

“N’ besides, that peck neck had it comin’! He’s been a knife tae our side fer as long as we can remember.” The murmurs turned into agreements as many recalled the many ‘pranks’ the Snatcher had oh-so-kindly given them over the many, many years. “Ah say that it’s high time that spook was put in his place. That it was time we put him where he belongs! Fer him tae keep out of our business n’ stick rrrrrrrright where it can go!”

Cheers erupted and soon the whole room was in uproar, throwing insults and crud remarks about the Snatcher. Caitlin and Grunde watched as the room slowly turned into a crazy party that was supposed to be a celebration of a birth of a child.

“… please tell me most of them weren’t drinking when them came to this party.” Caitlin sighed, rubbing her face as a headache started to form.

Grunde sighed as many gods took out goblets and filled them with the finest wine. “Before, during, and probably after the party darling.”

[taylorhardybby]

sweetener // ben hardy x reader and bestfriend! Lucy x reader.

hi so basically the reader is a famous musician (shes pretty much based on Ariana Grande with syle elements from kylie jenner but picture her as anyone you like)  this is pretty long and I realised everything I've posted has had the same sort plot kinda so ill be changing that up I promise. 

5.7K words. 

also I've linked the songs that I mention  and ideas of the outfits I've mentions just cause i can I guess. enjoy xo 

_____________________________________

You were 19 when you first met Lucy. She was 22 and you met at a charity gala. You were new in the industry, barely knowing anyone. You and Lucy became instant best friends. She was like your big sister, your mom and your best friends rolled into one person and you couldn’t be more thankful for her. Fast forward three years and Lucy was working on one of her biggest projects yet. Bohemian Rhapsody. You had just released your lasted album and were only weeks away from tour, but when Lucy asked of you would come visit her you were on a plane within the hour.

You had barely seen your best friend in almost two months due to your album blowing up then your surprise world tour, for the last 10 weeks you spent every waking moment  rehearsing,  doing chorography, or at costuming fittings if you weren’t preparing for tour you were doing a interviews or attending events and award shows. You were completely exhausted. But you were new and young, and your record company had almost complete control over you. You were terrified if you said no, they would drop you, and you had worked too hard for that.

Your plane landed in London and you went straight to your hotel, Lucy would be filming until 9pm tonight then she was coming straight over to spend the night and in the morning you would both head over to the set. You were beyond excited, queen had been such a inspiration both musically and just in general through your entire life and to see even a tiny bit of the movie about them would be an honour.

It was 6pm when you got to your hotel, so you had three hours to kill, you considered just going for a walk and exploring but you had seen a few paps at the airport so you were sure there would be more. So you started rehearsing, you played the backing track to your newest song, Everytime. The choreography was fast and you kept messing up the steps during the chorus.

Time slipped away as you rehearsed, and your phone ringing brought you out of your trance.

“Hey sorry, ive bene so distract-” you were cut off, not even bothering to see who was actually calling, until you hear her voice.

“ive bene knocking for ages come let me in baby” you smiled at the nickname, lucy always called you baby, maybe it was because you were younger than her or she said it’s what her older sister would call her.

“oh my god sorry I’m coming lulu” you ran to the door of the hotel room apartment, the door swung open and Lucy was standing their champagne in hand and overnight bag in the other. She dropped her bag and pulled you in for a hug.

“I missed you so much lulu ”

“mee too, baby. I’m so sorry I miss everything” you had come inside and closed the door by now,

“your album release and the Grammys, you won and I wasn’t even there I’m  so sorry” you shook your head,

“its fine trust me its been crazy busy and this is important for you. I’m  just so happy that I get to see you now”

“yes me too now I want all the gossip”

You popped the champagne and shared not only that bottle but another you had found the mini bar, you spoke about your ex Kevin, and how he was inspiration for a few songs on your album. Lucy insisted on listening to your album from start to finish you didn’t mind. You loved your songs and you loved that your best friend sang along to every single word. Your tour was still a secret. Your record company wanted to announce it a week before you actually left, in the same way they kept your album a secret until a week before its release date. You were sworn to secrecy and you had told nobody but your mom, and when Lucy asked how you  were, really truly, you broke down.

“I’m a mess luce, I’m going on tour, surprise!” Lucy congratulated you but she knew you weren’t finished “I’m running myself ragged, if I’m not rehearsing im at a costume fitting I’m doing promo for the album or I’m at an awards show or event” you flopped back onto the bed trying to just let your body rest.

“I’m so tired I never stop. And thank god you called because this three-day break is such a blessing you have no idea” Lucy pulled you into a hug reassuring you it would all work out,

“what about with Kevin, how are you in realm” you sighed, you and Kevin broke up for a good reason, he was having personal issues and it was hurting you physically and mentally, so you left.

“I miss him so much, but I know that I did the right thing for me, I was so unhealthy always looking after him I forgot about me” you paused and thought for a moment “I think he’s better, from what I’ve heard, I still speak to his mom every now and then” Lucy nodded

“you did the right thing Y/N I know you loved him, but you need to look after yourself first” you nodded. The conversation turned a little lighter and you decided to pop another bottle of champagne just because you could,

“to us, successful women who are making shit happen” you made a toast and Lucy shouted back “to us” you changed the music and danced, laughed and just had fun with your best friend.

You woke up to the sun in your eye and Lucy’s alarm blaring, your head was pounding, and you looked around. Lucy was slowing waking up in the bed next to you. You had clearly tried to find pyjamas but you both looked like a mess. As you stood up out of bed you looked down at out outfit, a pair of black hotpants and a large oversized grey shirt tied in a knot and one blue sock. Lucy didn’t look much better and as you looked each their up and down you both laughed. The apartment was a mess. There was pillows and blankets everywhere, you counted 5 champagne bottles, all but one were empty the last was about three-quarters gone.

It was 7 am and Lucy was needed on the set at 8:30 so you both got ready, Lucy ordered breakfast- more specifically coffee, very strong and lots of it.

Once you looked presentable, Lucy looked you up and down raising an eyebrow,

“heels? Really Y/N” her tone was mockingly, and you just shrugged

“you know I love my heels, they make a statement” you twirled, and Lucy laughed at you

“also, I like to feel taller, it’s not easy being tiny”

Lucy drove you to the set, stopping to get more coffee on the way. You had music blaring the whole time just laughing and smiling. The set looked pretty normal and when you got there you followed Lucy to her trailer where you both set down your stuff. Her first costume of the day was already hanging so she got changed then wrapped herself in a coat. You followed her to hair and makeup,  and to your surprise Rami was already there when you walked in and Lucy introduced you of course.

Rami was very sweet and you felt much more comfortable knowing at least one more person liked you here. He mentioned your music and you blushed. These people knew who you were holy shit.

“I actually brought you album the day it came out, I love it” you laughed,

“thanks rami that’s really sweet of you, its still kind mind-blowing that people other than Lucy and my parents listen to my music” everyone laughed and the conversation flowed. Rami left soon after and Lucy finished not much later,

“okay so my the first scene today isn’t until later but we can go watch the boys film if you want” she checked her watch,

“they start in 20 so that heaps of time for you to meet them and what not” you nodded and just followed her into the sound stage.

From the moment you saw him you were breathless, you of course had googled all of Lucy’s co-stars as soon and she knew them but seeing him in person was something else, you eyes met his and you felt you cheeks heat up. You turned your face towards Lucy, sending her a smile but she sent you a knowing look. When you looked panicky, she giggled a little,

You walked over, and they group of four men turned towards you,

“hey Lucy, oooh who’s your friend” the man you assumed was playing john deacon spoke first.

“Joe, Gwil and Ben this is my best friend Y/N” she gestured to you and she spoke “Y/N this is Joe, Gwil, Ben and you of course know rami who you met earlier” you nodded and shook each of their hand but before you could say anything you were cut off,

“Lucy why didn’t you tell us that your Y/N was THE Y/N”  Joe playfully pushed Lucy and she tried to explain, but before you could get to deep in conversation the boys were called to their scene.

The scene was a short one and soon enough Lucy was whisked away to work so you sat there just on your phone, you felt someone come over towards you and you looked up. It was him. Ben Hardy. To say that you were in love was  a bit much, but he was so gorgeous it was hard not to. As he walked over to you smiled but internally you were panicking. You just kept telling yourself don’t make a fool of yourself, don’t do it

“Uh hey Y/N, where’d Lucy go” of course, he just wanted Lucy not you,

“oh she went to do some filming I’m not sure how long she’ll be”

“Okay cool so um are you hungry” you internally died omg what was he going to say holy shit

“I’m starving” he invited you to go with him for lunch, it was just Kraft services but you didn’t mind.

You spent the entire lunch hour just talking and laughing, it was so refreshing for someone to talk to you as just Y/N not THE Y/N.

You spent the next three days surrounded by the BoRhap boys and Lucy having the time of your life. You and Ben had gotten quite close and even while you were still in London if you weren’t with each other you were texting. You decided against telling Lucy, not wanting to make it weird between her and her co-stars.

Two weeks after arriving back in LA the tour was announced, it sold out almost everywhere and you were glad to see that your London tour date was the same weekend that BoRhap wrapped filming, Lucy had already texted that she was coming and that she would need six more tickets which you gave her no questions asked.

You went on tour and it was marvellous, the adrenalin you felt as thousands of people sang along to your songs was thrilling and you never wanted it to stop. You played shows all across the US, you were halfway through the US leg of the tour when you got a surprise. You had still been talking to ben every day and although you hadn’t put a label on it you felt pretty committed. You were in your dressing room, your show started in three hours, so you were slowing warming up your voice when you heard a knock.

When you answered the door there stood Ben his gleaming smile beamed from ear to ear, and he was holding a bunch of flowers, your favourite of course.

“holy shit what are you doing here” he pulled you into his arms and you hugged back excitedly,

“we had a few days off from shooting, so I thought I’d come visit you”  you pulled him into your dressing room and placed the flowers down, your eyes met, and the world felt like it melted away. He pulled you closer and whispered so quietly,

“Y/n can I please kiss you” you nodded,

“please” you barely got the word out from your mouth and your lips were on his.

Everything moved so fast and he fell back onto the sofa and you moved, straddling his lap. Every move felt like it was perfectly practiced and every touch felt like fire and you both shed yourself of clothes, ben of course being the perfect gentle mean continued to ask for permission before doing anything  you were to in the moment to speak so nodding sufficed.

Time passed, and you were lying in bens arms on the sofa, a random sheet covering you as you just held each other.  You lazily shared kisses and spoke about your time apart. The sound of your manager knocking on the door made you jump apart,

“Y/N they need you in hair and makeup” you jumped up and threw on your panties, bra and covered up with your robe.

“shit sorry ben, I totally lost track of time, stay here and I’ll send someone to come and get before the show”

“ill be waiting” you kissed him before closing the door behind you and walking down to hair and makeup.

You were in your first costume, as you walked towards the under stage your makeup artist fixed up the bright red lipstick you had on and you had you Mic in hand. You were ready.

You had never felt so pumped for a show before, partially because you knew Ben was there the other part was probably your post orgasm bliss. You snickered to yourself as you thought about it.

The show was a smash, the crowd were full of energy and so were you. As you walked off stage ben was waiting in the wings for you, he picked you up and spun you around, your lips connected as he did.

“what did you think of the show”

“you were bloody fantastic, I loved it the music, the dancing, the costumes” his kissed you again, “and I thought I was the rock star” you laughed at that one,

“you’ll always be a rock star” you walked hand in hand back to you dressing room, your meet and greet outfit was already laid out and you apologised to ben as you got changed.

“I’m sorry the meet and greets only go for 45 mins then we can go back to the hotel and I’m all yours I promise” he shook his head,

“it’s fine doesn’t apologise I need to make some phone calls anyway, you better keep that promise” he teased, you zipped up your dress. It was short red and left little to the imagination and you loved how ben eye you as you spun and asked his opinion.

“Y/n your making it hard from me not to rip that off your right now” you bit you lip and whispered into his ear,

“I promise you can rip it off later” you kissed directly behind his ear then giggled as he groaned when you walked away.  

The meet and greet felt like it dragged on for hours. Now you loved your fans but  the torment knowing exactly what was going to happen afterwards was enough to make you a little frustrated.

Finally you were back at the hotel, it was a short drive from where you had performed so the car ride wasn’t as tormenting as it could have been. But from the moment you stepped foot in the hotel room the door was locked, and your lips were on Ben’s and your legs were wrapped around his waist.

It was early morning before you had stopped. You both finally so exhausted that you fell sound asleep. Ben woke you up at around 11:30 the next morning apologising as the directors had called him and he was needed back on set ASAP. His flight left in an hour, so you said goodbye, and a little more very quickly and he left. Your next show wasn’t until tomorrow night, but you were flying there later this afternoon.

Three months after Ben had left your US tour was finished, you had gotten so sick and exhausted for weeks now you had been nauseous and your whole body ached. Your period was late, it was the stress. It had to be the stress.  You now had two weeks before the European leg of the tour started, and you were going to stay with Lucy. She had about a week and a half left of filming and although you really wanted to go visit the set you just so sick you could barely move.

Lucy picked you up from the airport and she took you back to her apartment. She brought it up first, after you had been explaining your sickness she blurted it out before she could stop herself,

“Y/N what if your pregnant”

“don’t be ridiculous how could I be- oh shit”

“oh shit what. What do you mean oh shit”?

“he-h came and visited it was months ago fuck why didn’t I think of this” you were rambling and so distracted you did even see your best friends face,

“Y/N who visited who are you talking about Kevin” by now you were crying, you shook your head

“no not Kevin, ben” Lucy gasped,

“ben who, Y/N”

“Ben Hardy” Lucy had that smirk,

“I knew it, I knew you were who he had been talking to”

“your not mad” you were so worried, that she would think you were unprofessional or soothing,

“not at all I don’t care I saw how you too looked ta each other when you first met, it was bound to happen”

So you explained to her when he came and surprised you three months ago and how you spent all night together alone in the hotel room, she was happy for you. That you had moved on form Kevin, but the looming issue was still there. Were you pregnant or not? Lucy disguised herself and drove down the street to the local pharmacy and brought a few tests.

You were terrified, your career had barely even begun and here you were at 21 and potentially pregnant to a man who’s 7 years older than you. You thought about your options, but you knew you would keep it. You had once promised yourself if something like this were to happen you would only get rid of it if it was going to harm you or if you weren’t going to be able to support a child. From what you knew it wasn’t hurting you and you had plenty of funds to support a baby.

You tried to think and work it out, the European part of your tour was only 3 months long. By the end you would be six-ish months pregnant. That’s not too bad. If you altered some of the choreography and costumes, you could probably hide it from the fans until then. It would all work out in the end.

You were brought out of your dream land when Lucy came back. She passed you the first test and came with you into the bathroom.

So you sat. three whole minutes. 180 seconds. The timer went off and Lucy grabbed your hand.

“no matter what that says, I’m here for you we can work this out” you nodded, took a deep breath and turned the test.

Positive.

You don’t even know how long you spent sobbing into Lucy’s arms. But eventually you got up and tried to fix yourself up. You and Lucy were meant to be meeting everyone for dinner tonight and it was 5 pm and you were a hot mess.

So, you showered, fixed your hair and did your makeup. You weren’t even sure how far along you were but now that you knew you were so paranoid that you look pregnant, so you put of two different pairs of spanx and threw on your least fitted outfit.

The dinner went well, considering you entire life had just changed an hour before and you were acting like you were perfectly fine. On the inside you were dying. You sat next to ben and he asked if you were okay more time than you could count. You felt horrible. You wanted to tell him, you really did but you couldn’t put that pressure on him. You could handle this own your own. Lucy surprised everyone with tickets to your London show at the end of dinner, and you were happy but terrified. Lucy had invited all the BoRhap boys as well as Roger and Brian. THE Roger Taylor and Brian May.  You were shitting yourself.

In the next two weeks you and Lucy went to the doctors and it was confirmed, you were 14 weeks pregnant. You had a meeting with your head of costuming and she agreed to fix your costumes as discretely as possible, so far only four people knew. Lucy, your doctor, your manager -Angela and your head of costume and makeup -JayJay.

Your London show came so fast, everyone had come backstage to see you. You were in your first costume once again . So far you hadn’t needed to fix the sizing you just wore a waist trainer and spanx underneath. You checked with the doctor who said it should be fine for a few hours for your shows, but you shouldn’t do it all the time. When you walked into your dressing room in your outfit Lucy gave you a worried look but she was confused when she saw no bump. You gave everyone hugs as they wished you luck, you thanked everyone for coming and promised them that this would be one of your best.

The show opened with one of your favourites on the album, God is a woman.  It was followed by breathin’ you spoke to the crowd and in a split second you had a costume change. You were wearing a sparkly red outfit now and your boots were now tan. You had changed your finale so when you changed into the lilac dress and boots, the first few beats of your new song filled the arena.

Breakfast at tiffany’s and bottles of bubbles,

Girls with tattoos who like getting in trouble,

Lashes and diamonds, ATM machine s

Buy myself all my favourite things

This was the first time your new song was being heard and the crowd loved it, 7 Rings was a hit and you finished the performance on a high like no other.

You came off and Lucy was there first screaming with joy

“WHERE THE HELL DID THAT SONG COME FROM ITS AMAZING” “it was a surprise its brand new I literally flew to LA the day before I came here to record it and we did the choro this morning” everyone was in awe of your work ethic and you were passed flowers and small gifts. you excused yourself to get changed. Lucy came with you.

“I can’t believe you went to LA to record the day before you came here, you were so sick that day”

“I know but they won’t let me perform songs until live recorded them in studio and I wanted to perform it for you guys” Lucy picked out an outfit for you before you both headed back to where everyone was.

Backstage the party was growing; your management had thrown a party to celebrate the start of your European tour.  Against all your wishes against it. Champagne was spilling, and the music was loud. You took a glass of champagne just for looks, you had no intentions of actually drinking it.

You found ben almost instantly and he embraced you, you still hadn’t told him but you were going to. Tonight. Its was selfish, you knew you were leaving on tour tomorrow and at least if he wanted nothing to do with you, you would be distracted. Heartbroken but distracted.

It was almost one and the party was still going strong, you took ben’s hand and asked if he wanted to back to your hotel room. You saw Lucy smile as you left, you had to do this. From the moment you were in the car the partition went up and all your plans went out the window. It was cruel, to keep the secret from him but a few moments of bliss before it could all potentially disappear was all you wanted.

You stopped it before it got too heated, one part of you said it was because of the paps and another was because you felt so guilty. Ben didn’t mention it. You went in through the back entry of the hotel and you went straight up to your room.

“Y/n what’s up you’ve been just a little off these last two weeks, Lucy said you’ve been sick” he paused, fuck. He knew. “are you okay, like are you really sick or something, last time I checked the flu doesn’t last for weeks” you sighed and ran you hand though your hair,

“no its not like that I’m not dying or anything I promise” you took a deep breath

“but there is something need to tell you” you sat down trying to calm your nerves, “now just know before I tell you I expect NOTHING from you okay but you deserve to know” Ben looked terrified, you were pretty sure he could have put two and two to bet but just to be clear you said it,

“I’m pregnant, 15 weeks to be exact and its yours”  he didn’t move you swore he barely even breathed. Tears were slipping down your cheeks you wanted him to do something, scream or yell anything was better than silence.

“please. Please say something I’m so sorry it took this long to tell you-“ but he cut you off when he attached his lips to yours.

“I love you Y/n I really fucking love you, and I was going to ask you tonight anyway, but will you be my girlfriend officially”

You nodded, not trusting your words.

“I love you to ben, I really fucking love you too”

You decided to announce your relationship to the fans the next day, as much as you wanted to keep it a secret the longer, they know about it  the less of a shock the pregnancy should be. Hopefully. You posted a selfie of you and Ben, he was kissing you sweetly and it was obvious what had taken place earlier. You had taken the picture month ago and you both loved it.

Now that Ben was finished filming BoRhap and his next project started in 3 months, so it seemed logical that he would  come on tour with you. You decided that he was going to head home and take a few weeks off just relaxing and what not then he would meet you when you got to Paris. It sounded perfect.

It worked. Tour was hard, each day your bump grew, and it was getting very difficult to hide it in the end. But with lighting and costuming you finished tour with a six-month-old baby bump and it was still a secret.  A few weeks into the euro tour you changed all your costumes to from body suits and peplum to flouncy dresses. They all looked gorgeous and you were totally going to be using then in your other tours.

Ben was a god send. You loved having him with you and when tour was over, he was moving to the states. After a hard decision he decided to move to your house, instead of you moving in with him. Living in LA would probably benefit him in the long run anyway, so it wasn’t too hard of a decision.

You had decided to announce your pregnancy at the BoRhap Premier. Your dress was ready. It was the first tight dress you had worn in a while and it perfectly showed your  7-month-old baby bump. The fans were loving your relationship and you hoped the reaction to this would be as happy.

The day of the premier had arrived and you had spent hours In hair and makeup, you were nervous. Excited but nervous. You swear you heard the gasps as you stood out from the car. You were sure it was already world wise news,

“Americas sweetheart Y/N pregnant at 22 to her 28-year-old boyfriend”

You spent the night being questioned about your bump; why it was kept a secret, how far along were you blah blah blah.

By the time you got inside you were exhausted. Your feet hurt, because you were wearing your beloved heels of course. Your face hurt from smiling and your back was killing. Ben tried to look after you, and he got you everything you wanted. Lucy and Rami had also announced their relationship tonight, so the press was buzzing with all this new information.  Lucy sat next to you laughing at all the notifications you were getting,

“hey baby I think you broke the internet have you checked anything”

“im too scared, can you. Check my twitter” Lucy nodded, and she gasped

“they love it. Everyone loves it. Look your fans they did the maths and realised you were pregnant on tour and they love you for it” you started crying. Fucking pregnancy and its hormones . what a relief.

The premier went well and once you flew home, you were on the plane with all the BoRhap boys and Lucy  because as they had promo for the next few weeks. You had already decided to do another album, and you had a few songs ready to go, that you were recording then once you had the baby you would take three ish months off and you would be back in the studio.  Your record company had decided instead of doing another tour if your album was received well you would do more events like award ceremonies  and music festivals. You agreed. You knew that you wanted to continue with music and your baby would always be your first priority.

On the exact day you were 39 weeks, you were standing in the recording booth, it was your last day and you had one last verse to record. Ben had promo all day and you were meeting for lunch in about and hour. As you sang your last lyric everyone clapped, and you were beaming.

“fuck”  this caught the attention of your manager,

“Y/n is everything okay?”

You shook your head,

“my waters just broke”

You were rushed into your car and Angela your manager drove to the hospital as you called ben. He was in the middle of an interview when he was ushered off stage,

“what wrong,”

“Y/n’s waters broke and she son her way to the hospital this interview finishes in about 5 then you’re going straight away”

When Ben arrived with Lucy in tow you were in the hospital bed trying get through another contraction.

At 3:21 pm your gorgeous baby boy was brought into the world. Noah Benjamin Jones was perfect in every way. He was a carbon copy of his father, much to your disgrace. Nine months of pregnancy and he looks like his father. Typical male.  

Noah was the perfect baby, and as you went back to work, he came along and was an angel. When Noah was three you toured again you took your little family with you. Noah loved to see all the new cities and he became a crowd favourite when he would come out and dance with his mamma on stage for his favourite song. History seemed to repeat itself and you found yourself pregnant again in your last few weeks of your second tour.

Your family grew,  your second child was born, a little girl Lucia Rae Jones, named after your best friend of course Lucy.  When Lucia or Cici, was six months old you and ben finally decided to get married. It was a quite a large wedding, but it was full of love and that mattered to you.

[freckliedan]

Hi! I noticed you have they/them as your pronouns and I was just curious (because same) how I should, when it’s safe - of course- and respectful to do so, correct people when they use the wrong pronouns and also tell new people about how to address me? It’s genuinely not something awful when I’m called she/her but when I’m close enough to people, i try to bring it up. Except my issue is I can hardly manage to correct someone when they mispronounce my actual name (accidentally)..ahh. I’m shy :(

hi! i’m sorry it took me so long to answer this ask b

i don’t actually have the most experience with correcting people when they use she/her for me; the only place where i exclusively use they pronouns is here, with my closest friends, and in definitively lgbtq+ spaces? but at this point All of my closest friends use either they/them, they/she, or he/him pronouns (side note: he/him wlw i would fight and die for you), so i have a bit of practice correcting pronouns for other people? 

that’s maybe the easiest way i can think of to correct pronouns-to have a person or two you’re closer with at school or work or in your family (depending on which contexts are applicable and which are safe for you!) support you by reminding other people of the right pronouns? me, my gf, and our best friend miles all work together, and miles exclusively uses they/them; they also has anxiety, so once they were ready to be out at work, we just started using they pronouns for them all the time, even in conversations with other folks. bc they weren’t always easily able to correct people! something we would do a lot is repeat back things people said that misgendered them, but with the right pronouns? so if someone said “yeah, is a really hard worker” i might say “yeah, they are” back? it’s sometimes a lot easier standing up for other people than yourself, at least in my experience.

that kinda pre-supposes you having trusted people who are good about pronouns, though! so. i think another good way to get people used to pronouns besides he and she is to use a friend as an example, if you have other friends who use they/them pronouns? like if the friend is okay with it you can discuss them or mention stories including them, and use they/them pronouns the whole time, or even be like “oh yeah, my friend so and so uses they/them pronouns bc they’re . that can kind of get people more used to they/them pronouns and give you a chance to feel out if a situation is fully safe to be out in? and you can start training people to do better with respecting your friend’s pronouns, first. (if you don’t have any other friends who use they/them feel free to send me a message sometime, b,or if that’s too scary you can just call me ur friend/use me as an example as a blogger or something!). it’s a bit easier to segway into “i also use they/them pronouns” if someone already has a frame of reference for what that means! 

another good thing that can push through awkwardness is to just be aggressively normal about things? like it’s maybe even a thing you could practice while alone or with a friend you’re already out to. but like being like “hi, i’m , my pronouns are they/them!” having a friend or friends that you’re out to helps with that kind of normalization, because you can have your friends introduce themselves with pronouns, too, if it’s an option. it can work in conversation if someone misgenders you, too- like if you’re there and someone says she or her or girl or woman in reference to you, just be like “i use they,not she” or them not her (i also love unit as a replacement for boy or girl and person works as a replacement for woman or man) in a casual normal way and if they start being all apologisey and focusing it on how baaaaAaAaAd they feel being like “you don’t have to draw attention to it by apologizing, just try to do better!” i know none of that is easy to do, at ALL, but if you’e able to practice it might help?

since starting work at my practicum, I’ve discovered that in a lot of nonprofits and more progressive business settings, people have started including their pronouns in email signatures, even cis folks, to try normalizing introducing introductions that include pronouns? idk if that’s applicable to you though!

something that helped me start to be braver when i was younger - and hear me out on this! - was pretending to be not myself? like, i did a lot of theater when i was younger, that’s part of where i got the idea for like.. “acting” in situations that weren’t necessarily theater? but i also did so with a fandom spin. like, i had to get blood drawn in my senior year and it super is not a thing i like at all? and at the time i was a huge s*pernatural fan, so was like “be brave like the w*nchesters be brave like the w*nchesters you can do this” and it actually helped. sometimes when i’m trying to get past the aggressive salespeople at the mall kiosks (they’ve gotten me before i bought a lotion) i try walking like the winter soldier from marvel movies and putting off “don’t fuck with me” vibes. i was starting to get anxious during the SATs writing section and was like “it’s okay be like hermione” and like.. i don’t necessarily do that with specific characters anymore in such a strong way? 

but i do still sometimes let myself lean into different versions of myself where i focus on a different trait or different version of who i am and let that be how the world sees me? at my practicum i work with a group of young lgbtq+ folks and i’m not gonna lie, i was super fucking anxious on my first day! but i leaned into my stage-manager-self and letting myself perform being confident and capable and sure of myself in a no-nonsense kind of way? stage-manager-energy for me also has slightly different body language-i stand different, i carry something to take notes on sometimes. props help sdjfklsjd. but that let me have a false confidence when first meeting these kids, and it eventually turned into real confidence? and i wasn’t being fake about who i am in a way that would eventually come back to bite me, bc it was just a stretch of the truth not a disney channel original movie disaster lie?

or like, sometimes when im feeling dysphoric or anxious about the way i choose for the world to see me i’ll wear more black than i usually do and do my best to live my truth and take comfort in the fact that dan would be proud of me. hm. i’m getting on a bit of a tangent here but it’s something that’s helped me be more confident a lot over the years? being good to myself because i know it’s what a character or person i’m a fan of or know in real life and love very much would want for me?

also something that helps for me for having hard conversations with close friends is like.. sometimes having them by text even if we’re in the same room? typing can be so much easier than talking. a format for saying that could be saying “hey, i started to use they/them pronouns online and i actually am a lot more comfortable with that than she/her, could you start using they/them for me in ? 

oh also i’m fairly certain there’s probably nonbinary youtubers out there who might have better advice than me about this specific subject? my gf actually watches a lot more youtube than me - i only watch dnp, but they watch a ton of different folks including ash hardell? and from what ive seen ash might have some kind of video more helpful than my big ol ramble.

i hope some or all of this helped? it’s a tough thing that i’m still really learning to navigate for myself instead of just as a support to friends, so i’m not sure how much of this is anything at all, but i hope that something in here was worthwhile and if you ever wanna come back and chat again, on anon or off, i’d be happy to listen to you

[pussyboie-blog]

hello  gays  &  gays  !  ever  seen  a  goth  KING  make  classical  music  ?  have  u  ever  been  in  the  process  of  making  a  muse  &  they  turned  out  to  be  eons  more  emo™  than  what  you  ever  had  in  mind  for  them  ?  do  u  love  cinnamon  rolls  that  can  cut  ?  mr  rome  right  here  is  ALL  THREE  ,  homeboy  just  scored  a  hat - trick  ladies  and  gents  !!!!   ─ ─ ─        what’s  up  nerds  ,  i’m  KERO  and  i  love  t*ddies  u__u  here  with  who  may  as  well  be  foxcroft’s  punching  bag  ,  my  actual  son  &  my stars  ｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟﻭ  no  more  rambling  ,  enjoy  the  intro  &  have  his  PINTEREST  BOARD !  d*scord  is  the  way  to  go  &  where  i’m  a  tad  more  accessible  right  now  and  overall  tbh  ,  but ims  are  an  option  too  !!!  I Just Think  He  ( d*scord )  Is  Neat  .  JPG  @  𝐊𝐄𝐑𝐎. #7261

❛          /          ♡          I     :     APPLICATION     。

⦗  𝙆𝙀𝙍𝙊 , 𝙏𝙒𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙔 , 𝙎𝙃𝙀/𝙃𝙀𝙍 , 𝙂𝙈𝙏  ⦘ ⇸ have you seen  𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐁𝐘𝐔𝐍  walking around foxcroft?  you know, the  𝐶𝐼𝑆𝑀𝐴𝐿𝐸 𝐽𝐸𝑂𝑁 𝐽𝐸𝑂𝑁𝐺𝐺𝑈𝐾  lookalike?  apparently the  𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘 - 𝐎𝐍𝐄  year old  𝑀𝑈𝑆𝐼𝐶 𝑃𝑅𝑂𝐷𝑈𝐶𝑇𝐼𝑂𝑁 & 𝐸𝑁𝐺𝐼𝑁𝐸𝐸𝑅𝐼𝑁𝐺  major is really  + 𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖  , but also kinda  - 𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐓  . i hope i don’t get on  𝑯𝑰𝑺  bad side.

❛          /          ♡          II     :     THROWING IT BACK     。

𝐓𝐖 :     domestic abuse , poverty , hinted depression .

rome byun hasn’t had the prettiest of lives, akin more to a tasteless joke or a bad dream. born in the borough of brooklyn: poor, with nowhere to drop dead  &  his only salvation a mother that got the soul beat out of heart by a man that didn’t love her, a stranger in the eyes of a kid that refused to acknowledge a monster as his father. the ticking bomb that was the repressed anger swallowed thorough the years turned the flimsy kid into a man throwing punches at the horror living in their house. far too young, with a lip split in two  &  body beat until he couldn’t anymore. but it’s okay mom, he’s far away now, forever. no more dry blood  &  purple blotches blemishing your skin.

life was spent in a multitude of badly paid jobs and alone. a mother that had to work as much as him to make it through another month  &  no time for friends. he didn’t need them, they won’t put food on the table, right ?  his only comfort was music, the soothing medicine that calmed his aching, blue heart and nights wasted on nightmares. for as long as he remembers, he gave up many things to further drown himself in that little magic, not quite recalling when did he create his first beat, his first melody. he was enamoured, mouth watering then feeling like sand against his palate with the thirst to explore deeper into it.

❛          /          ♡          III     :     NO PRINTER JUST FAX     。

to make it clear, the day he fought the rat and got his ass beat senseless the cops got called, now the bastard  ( read: his father )  is in jail  &  has a restraining order for rome and his mum so who’s the real winner.

bitch is empty. EMPTY !!!!  has a hard time getting attached to people, rarely happens, and same with passions / hobbies. can’t sort out his feelings at all. drake created the line “i only love my bed and my momma” SOLELY  for rome, champagne papi said so.

don’t really know why but he radiates  BIG DUMBASS ENERGY  . think of usagi  &  goku. maybe naruto ?  stupid sandwich. i also relate red roses to him a lot, dial god and ask him why, because i don’t know a single thing my guy !

to expand on his emptiness:   there’s this sense of loneliness that has always been with him, a gaping hole inside him he doesn’t know how to fill up. sometimes he uses sex as a coping mechanism. it only makes him feel even more empty afterwards but at least he nutted (✧ω✧)

aside from music and the occassional sex, reading poetry is a strong way he has to cope and simply clear his mind. relax. goes second after music. likely to always carry one of the poetry books he has with him.

with so many jobs while simultaneously attempting to have decent grades in school, he has grown used to not sleeping much and lowkey became a night owl. nighttime slowly became a safe haven.

emo goth that likes tattoos but hasn’t really gotten any so far. always stares for far too long at people that has them. also likes polaroids, taking the train and fast food.

somehow clingy but in a subtle way ???  if you’re close enough he’ll probably let you play with his hair or do his make up or paint his nails, or he will hold onto the sleeve of your sweater or stand close or feed you. GOOD DOMESTIC SHIT. has a very lowkey of taking care of people too.

get used to this with me because i am: dumb but i almost forgot something  REALLY  important: weird that he’s majoring in MP&E on this institution but his reason is exactly that, because it’s unusual and he wants to expand his limits. he’s interested in all kinds of music and while he’s fluent in more modern, popular styles, this is something new for him and he’s THRIVING. thank you that was my ted talk.

❛          /          ♡          IV     :     PERSONALITY     。

rome is really sweet and soft, a good person at heart, but the circumstances he had to grow in didn’t give him much room to grow outside of himself, so it has resulted in him being extremely closed off. he has an extremely hard time when it comes to opening up, letting others in, anything remotely related to feelings. he feels truly empty and believes he cannot truly love anyone other than his mum. but when he finally lets the walls down and allows himself to love someone  ( be it romantically or platonically )  he loves like no other, goes fully in.

overall an extreme introvert and a bit deadpan, looks like he’s always on this neutral, impassive emotional state. well - mannered and respectful by default. his more animated side shows when he’s interested in something, like music. his sense of humour scratches nihilism, the kinda Life Has No Meaning , Hope That Truck Runs Me Over type of humour. kind of a pacifist too, doesn’t like to fight but will if he has reached his limit.

❛          /          ♡          V     :     WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE     。

some plot ideas i’d like to have but like, you know, just throwing these in here so i don’t forget and in case someone fits in here. your ideas ?  VALID.

𝟎𝟎𝟏  :  𝑠𝑒𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑔𝑟𝑜𝑤.    /    in summary, someone who has been in his life since he was really young, actively or not. a neighbor, someone from his school, an old friend. lots of room !!!  they aren’t really close though, probably has seen him from a distance, or used to be in his life but not anymore. damn !

𝟎𝟎𝟐  :  𝑐𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑠𝑚𝑎𝑠𝘩𝑖𝑛𝑔.    /    yeah. text - book  fuck buddies, friends with benefits, hit it and quit it. what mentioned before, somebody he nuts with when he’s feeling extra empty. hesitant about having two of these since he doesn’t have a high libido or is too into rawing, but still possible !

𝟎𝟎𝟑  :  𝑧𝑒𝑟𝑜 𝑤𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑠.    /    lord forgive me for i’m selective as fuck with this one. rome needs a best friend and he needs it  BADLY  . it has to be someone he can be comfortable be, someone he can trust completely and someone that’ll understand him and be there for him. kid has a lot of inner demons. i think someone that’s the opposite of him could be good, but it really depends. if you can see it working, let me know !!  just yeah, selective because rome is. well. rome.

me ?  missing something ?  LIKELY !!!  but in conclusion:  i love my son. revolting how long this got, so THANK U for reading this far, you have my whole heart and one titty. mwah (づ￣ ³￣)づ