#its so so healing to let go and say yes im weak its okay its fine

[yugocar]

one of the best/most healing things about living alone was my weakness not being a disappointment/burden to anyone

[bnhxx]

I have GYAT to start writing about my best boy Carlos,,,,,members of the jury, it's time

SO MY MAN MY RESPECTFUL POOKIE 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

Personal

[Edit]: okay I took the liberty to actually organise this bc it was just verbal diarrhoea ksjsksj

Also this list is NOT exhaustive bc im always thinking up more shit about this man sksgdhdbd

- Man's got game but honestly I think if you did some cute n wholesome shit he would kagsishshw. Like he would have such a GOOFY smile on his face and eat that shit up. Gifts, handmade things, compliments, letters or little sticky notes you leave for him, it really bolsters his confidence. Not that he needs it, but it feels special and makes him warm and fuzzy inside.

-Whether you're always like that or it's a sometimes thing he's gonna tease you though.

"Aww, ya big softie,"

-like he's spent majority of his life in militias and such, he's not used to softness. Apart from the softness and protectiveness he showed his little brothers, and the softness that was shown to him by his mother-which was fleeting at best considering most memories of his childhood would be filled with the thievery he'd resort to to keep his family alive. Hes never really been encouraged to show it, either way-its seen as a weakness.

-and it's not to say Carlos is suffering from good old toxic masculinity, he holds sm respect for Jill and yes she leans into the more hardass fem cop role to protect herself and yes he also STILL flirts w her but tbh the fact that he's respectful and let's her brush him off without getting mad, that's still a big step imo

-bc he's literally been around those types of people for most to all his life. Raised by a militia, basically, and toxic masculinity is so rampant there simply because it's a good coping mechanism for having to fight and kill ppl all the time? Just, switch off those emotions. Don't feel bc you might go absolutely insane with the guilt if you do.

-so yeah, Carlos, though he certainly doesn't seem to be in the chokehold of toxic masculinity, he's still very much affected by it.

-But I think he'd lean on those around him in his journey to healing that sort of fight flight mode, all day, every day, macho man w a cigar hanging out of his mouth type persona.

- He's very much a, if I didn't have the people around me to support me, I wouldn't have gotten this far type of person. And he'll do the inner work if it means becoming a better version of himself.

-like my man's saw Umbrella and was like yeah nah fuck that

-and that takes GUTS. Tyrell really was right when he called Carlos a balsy such and such he has courage for days. So in conclusion he definitely would have the courage to go and heal for himself and others. 100%.

-Definitely takes me as the gym bro to make friends with everyone at the gym. He's there to shred and sometimes he's a little show off but hey, he worked for his gains why not show em off y'know?

- He'll also be the first to rope some asshole in if they're making someone uncomfortable. He likes going to the gym and he'd hate for it to become a place with a bad vibe, not on his watch!! So if he's in the gym is just chill vibes

-theres these dudes on tiktok that are gymbros but they're constantly playfully flirting or making dirty jokes w each other that's Carlos lol.

-I think Carlos would also like hiking. He wouldn't mind camping, so long as he's got a good group to go with-(that usually makes or breaks the camping trip imo) but he prefers to take a hike. The views are worth the pain, he says, trust me!

(You'll believe him when you get back to the picnic sites and he brings out the lunch he had prepped bc you wouldn't go without it jabsjshsjs)

"You're food is what's worth the pain, not the view, Carlos," (he would call you a gremlin for this but it's worth it to see his silly smile)

-Also, cooking!!! Carlos LOVES cooking it's canon. He prefers cooking for people because being able to see his friends or s.o's face when they try his food makes all the hard work worth it. He also gets to spend time with everyone which is a bonus! So if you're friends or dating, expect big dinner parties. As rowdy as they can be they're actually quite chill once everyone's had some of Carlos' special in their belly (we all rubbing our tummies like 🤰🤰🤰 after that food baby kahsisbsj)

Ideal type.

-ON that, he's very family oriented. Because of his upbringing and how he was raised to his personality, but yeah-man's had to fight for his family from day 1 p much. So big protective older brother vibes here. He'd definitely make a good dad!

-I can only see him as a military man bc of his upbringing 😭 but this man is DEF having a reflective moment at the end of RE:3 like while Jill's freaking out bc bye bye Racoon City and trauma he's like,,,okay idk if this life is the one I wanna LIVE so I think he dabbles his toes in a bunch of odd jobs here and there while he's in hiding, post RE:3.

-Like he learnt a LOT of employable skills from the military and he'd definitely go up the ranks but he??? Doesn't know what he really LOVES to do so??? He tries a lot of things tbh.

-In saying that his social circle is WILD. Like I'm talking he picks up a random person off the street, brings them to a party with some of his work colleagues and old workmates from his other job and everyone's Like WHAT do we all have in common 💀

-you know big silly man and you're all gonna love his cooking that's what!!

-he is a silly goofy guy he loves to joke around, but not at the expense of others!! So, he's actually got a lot of friends. They type of person that had loads of friends but only a couple of really close ones ngl.

- Also likes to make mundane things fun by inviting his friends. He's the type to call his friend up like, let's go grocery shopping together bc I hate doing this alone 💔

-and it's a two in one bc his friend is there!!

- I think his ideal type is someone whose not afraid to stand up for what's right. Assertive and forthright are bonuses, but at the end of the day he seeks someone whose moral compass aligned them with the good of people, or someone who cares about community, and others. Someone who, if they see something wrong, won't just look the other way.

-assertiveness and forthright is hot asf in a woman and he loves to see it!! (You and me both brother whew 🥴)

-I think also he comes from a background that's very community centered? So the whole individualistic culture of America and Western cultures would be a bit,,,strange. He'd at least want someone who is willing to have a community mindset bc he just wouldn't vibe too well w someone like that in the long run 🤧 Like it's not like he hates it but how??? Are you alive??? You live like this bro??? Y'all Western countries good????

- deal breakers for him are family, blatant assholes lmao, cheating, and gamblers.

-Hes pretty goofy too underneath it all so he'd want someone who he can be silly with. Someone who won't judge on that, who even plays along with him. He'd adore someone who he can just be silly with. My silly big guy.

-like PLEASE at least crack a smile at his jokes he would low-key take it personally if you didn't laugh or crack a smile when he's joking around or being silly (he would take it VERY personally but he'd stay chill on the outside lmao)

- he plays around a bit after RE:3 bc man's 21, like, what did you expect. But he's also upfront about what he expects from the relationship and expects them to be, too!

- I think he'd be the type to get jealous, if his s/o had a different life than his. Like, white picket fence, smart (this I'd big bc nowhere in Carlos' backstory does it say he had a formal education past military training 🥲), homebody type. Like, he feels almost out of place in their life. Like a stray they picked up off the road, and he needs reassurance that your not just there for his looks and his yummy beefy arms (but yes, he admits they're a plus)

-So someone who's in tune with their and others emotions would be great for him! An attentive s/o who isn't afraid to call out his jealousy (gently) and lovingly remind him that he's the only one they want. ESPECIALLY if it's looking like a long term relo!

-also he'd want someone who shares some hobbies bc he loves doing things w ppl he loves! So if you're not a nature person then honey, you got a big storm coming.

-also I think he'd give it a pass if you has opposite hobbies but you love learning about his ‼️‼️ like when he comes home from his camping trip his s/o is like, so, how was it? Or they're sharing him little camping tips and tricks online or cooking recipes, just show they're interested and talk about his hobbies even if they aren't into them. He'd love this just as much ‼️

-I actually think he'd do really well adopting kids too, because, if he can give a kid a better life?? Tbh just pitch it like that his whole 'for the blood of my family name' would go down p quick bc if he could save a kid from living a childhood he had to he would no light reaction ‼️

- family, because he wants to have a family of his own. He wants to have his own blood if he can which is strange my guy but I respect that. Sort of in a more traditional sense of like I survived and now my family will live a better life type mentality, keep the family tree going y'know?

- If his partner could not/does not want to have kids though I think he would try other forms like surrogacy or ivf or even adoption, because if he found someone he really loved at the end of the day a family isn't simply determined by blood. It might take him a while to get on board with tho but stand on business he'll wrap his head around it eventually.

-again, sort of going off the point earlier but just shitty or selfish people is a no go. Like not caring for others to the point of blatantly putting others at risk to get what you want, not feeling bad about it at all? that's a no no. Obvious reasons here, he fought against impossible odds to put the middle finger up to Umbrella for what they did soo what did you expect?

-cheating, because honesty is key. Cheating is pretty unanimous but like, Carlos is the type to not forgive that. Ever. How could you cheat on the baby boy like he's been through ENOUGH YOUR HONOUR 😭😭😭

-kind of unrelated but I have his dbd voice line of "You're gonna be okay, I promise," in my mind at all times of every day kahsjek

-gambling, because it's such a throw away of large amounts of money. It just doesn't seem right to Carlos. Addiction is hard to break, he gets it, but particularly in large amounts-gambling is just lowkey disturbing to him. He grew up poor so could not be him betting the chance to eat on huge amounts of money. Like he's desperate but he thinks gambling is a scam. Bc it is kshsidjd.

-ALSO there was this tiktok comment on how he paces infront of his s/o's house with flowers to hype himself up and ‼️ yes ‼️ he would so do this it makes me wanna cry thinking about it.

Misc.

-LIKE I could be in the clutches of the ENITITYS realm and still feel good bc Carlos is there, he may move like a turtle in dbd but my man's moving mountains keeping the team together give him a pass ‼️

-everyone saying bring Carlos back to re, capcom you left us in a cold, cruel, Carlos-less world, but, BUT....let's just imagine for a moment my man finally found peace after re3 and is just on a beach sipping mimosas. He deserves this he's spent his whole 21 years of his life fighting, give him peace I beg!

-let's live in the delulu that my man's finally got a break from all that shit 🤱

- I want him to just RelAx, take a load off, sit back and enjoy the sunshine after everything bc 😭😭😭

[minevn]

AAAAAAAAA PLEASE COULD YOU WRITE AN ANGSTY YANI IDENTITY THEFT SHORT FIC BC......... crying i love her sm

Ofc! I love writing angst even though it hoooorts! Im glad you like her! She's glad you like her too

TW SELF HARM, BREAKING AND ENTERING, KIDNAPPING, MURDER

also theres Zalgo(?) text. I know some people don't like it but I think it fits the mentality of Yani. I have translations at the bottom if it's too hard to read :3

You and Yani were hanging out, as usual. Yani smiles to herself triumphantly, she thought you two had become very close and was sure that you would confess your feelings to her. "Hey, you want some ice cream?" Yani asked excitedly.

"Yeah, I'd love some! Thanks! I'll find us some seats." You smiled at Yani so preciously, he was sure you had already fallen. Yani smiled as he watched you find seats for each other before turning back around and ordering the ice cream. Yani already knows your favorite flavor of ice cream, you two were BASICALLY married already.

Once Yani receives the ice cream, she heads over to the bench that you're sitting at. She holds out your ice cream for you to take, and when you do, your hands touch and Yani SWEARS she knows what happiness is. She sits down in front of you, watching you happily eat your ice cream before eating hers. "Can I...tell you something, Yani?"

ITS HAPPENING! OMG ITS HAPPENING! You're going to confess your love to Yani! "Yes! Tell me ANYTHING you want to!" Yani is so excited, she can barely contain it. A huge smile is plastered on her face but she hides it as much as possible behind her ice cream.

"I think...I really, REALLY like-" Yes yes yes c'mon say it! You look SO CUTE with a flustered face. "Minatoyani..." What? Yani freezes, not processing what you just said. Yani had changed SO much about herself to be perfect for you. Why? WHY DON'T YOU LIKE HER?

"Ah...really?" Yani felt sick. Sick and stupid. No one has EVER liked him, why did he think you'd be any different.

"Yeah, what should I do?" You asked innocently, like you didn't just shatter Yani's heart.

"Whatever you want to. Hey, uhh, my stomach really hurts, I think I'm gonna head home." Yani stands up despite her legs feeling weak, wanting to be as far away from you as possible.

"Are you...okay?" no

"Yeah! Yeah...I think it's the ice cream." lies

"Oh, alrighty then, bye!" Yani doesn't say bye back as she speed walks back to her broken down shack.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yani approaches your door and knocks on it. Maybe you're out with Minato. But you aren't, you open the door for Yani.

"Yani? Hey! You okay? You left in a hur-"

"I'm moving." Yani cuts you off. The looks of surprise on your face satisfies Yani.

"Ah...really?" You felt sad, Yani was a really dear friend to you.

"Yeah, thought I should let you know" She says innocently, like she didn't just make you upset. "Anyways, bye."

"Wait, d-don't you want to hang out before you have to leave?"

"I gotta finish packing." Don't worry, you'll be able to hang out with Yani a LOT more.

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Yani starts her changing, Wearing contacts, dying her hair, working out, getting surgery for everything she needs to to look exactly like Minato. It takes months for Yani to heal, in the end it will be worth it.

She stares in the mirror, gripping a knife in her hand. She's ready. She holds the knife up to the bridge of her nose and carefully cuts Minato's scar shape into her nose. It's bleeding badly and it hurts, but anything is worth it for you. Yani works on voice training, getting all of Minato's information, and learning Minato's routine while it waits for the scar to heal.

In a few months Yani looks, sounds, and acts exactly like Minato. Now she just had to get rid of him.

She waited, and waited MONTHS for this night. She stood outside of Minato's house, staring at the window leading to Minato's room with a smile. She walked around to the front door, using a card to unlock the door. Quietly, she made it to MInato's room, she grabbed a pillow and put it over Minato's face, suffocating him. Minato is well awake now, thrashing, trying to get Yani off of him. "Don't worry, I'll take your place and take care of Mc." After some time time and struggling with Minato, he stopped moving, Yani didn't let up though and kept going, getting rid of the pillow and just doing it with her hands. After hours have passed, Yani lets up. He drags Minato outside and brings him to the edge of the dock, using rope to tie weights to Minato before tossing him in the water. Minato smiles in satisfaction before heading back to his bed.

The next day Ÿ̵̡̖å̶̮̦n̵̨̢̟͙̅̄͜͝i̷̜̓ goes about Minato's routine perfectly, until eventually he has to see you. He's so excited, he can barely contain it. His eyes land on your sunning face and he walks towards you, holding himself back from running and jumping into your arms.

"Minato, hi!" Your face lights up when you see Minato and you run towards him, leaning up to press a chaste kiss on his lips. You...kissed him! You kissed Ÿ̵̡̖å̶̮̦n̵̨̢̟͙̅̄͜͝i̷̜̓ ! He kissed you back and smiled.

Everything was perfect.

E̶̢͔̲̞̔́v̶̧̧̧̡̛͎͉̤͚̫͇͎̰̠̉ͅę̶̢̫̻̞̠͙̲̤̜̺̈́̽͑r̵̗̘͚̺͈̱͚̒͌̃̒͆͗̿͗͠ÿ̵͇̲̮̱̯͔́̍́̀t̵͈͖̦̳̣̋͛h̵̨̟͇̳̝̭̼͋̒̃̈͗̿͠͝͠ͅi̴̢̜̯̠͈̳̽̑n̶̽̔ͅg̷̙̦͈͜͝ ̷̡̦̮̙̭̝̼̪̤̻͚̼͒̕í̴̢̢̠͙̪̗̬͈̫s̵̨̢̛̜̭̩̬͈̘̤͇̬͈̫̄̀̒̇̓̈́͛̒̽͒̊͝͝ ̶̛͕̺̗̣̺̖̠͇̅̎̓̑̓͋́̾̃͊̚̚͜h̴͎͛̊̕ȍ̷͎̹̤̱͚͖͈͈̤͍̺̐̌̽͛̂̋́̿͜w̶̺̱͈̖̣̹̮͛̃͒̿̊̈ ̴̢̢̨̪̻̰̹̺̪̖̻͓͍͔̰̀͝i̴̦͇͉̣̪̙̖̬̟̥͋̆͒̎͊͆̌̇͛͌̔͝t̶̤͚̏͂̾͑͒̈̽̔̆́̓̇̚͝ ̷̬̣̹͆͌̓́̆͐̇͋͗̽͜͠͝s̷̢̜̻͕͙̖̭͙͑́̓͊̂̏̎͌̽́̆̅̇͜h̷̻̝̮̒̈́̽̆̀̈̈́̄̈́̀͆̌̓͝ớ̵̛̥̮̗̯̘̠̱̭̆́͛̿͑̾̎͝͝ṷ̶̢̿͂̓́̍̌͊̿͝ľ̸̢̳͚̠̲̘̟̮͕̗͓̓͑ḏ̴̮̞͆͆̇ ̶̢̤͒̃̐͛͋̐̾̈́̆̈́͆̚͠b̸͍͉̹̟̰̱͔̣̦̭̟̩̖̍͜͜ȩ̶̪͍̖̮̼̙̽̀͒̒̊̓̓̏͆̚͝

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Lets break up, Minato."

"W-why?"

"I just don't want to date you anymore, I would still love to be friends though!"

A̵͍̬͛̇̓̾r̵̹̜̅͊e̷̖̻͆̃́̾̊ ̸͓̟̻̮͎̏́̊̕ÿ̷̩̝̰̦́̾̃̃̿o̷̱͐ǘ̷̞͉̯͈̲̆͝ ̷̲͓̃̓s̴͍͈͎̫̣͝e̴͖̗̟͈̾̑͆̆ṟ̴͙̹̍̂̈́͊̿i̴̳̖̹͚͝ó̷̖̈̉ȗ̴̙̈̈́̀͝s̵̤̤̳̈́́̑͗?̶̢̛̇̈́͒͊ ̴͖̂̄̒͑A̷̹̫̳̒͛̕R̷̯̠̼̘̺͂͒̐̈́͝É̷̻̙͓͎͑̀͐ ̷͇̭͍̈̈́Ỹ̵̬̈͑̉Ö̶̥̼̫́̎̈̆U̶̱̟͑̍̾͝F̷̡̪͉̲̜̉́U̴͚̦̖̇͋̿͑͘C̵̨̒͌K̶̖͙͖͎̳̀̃̏̉̈́I̵̢̻̟̜̋͐N̷͔̫̄̇G̶̦͇̒ ̸̧͓̐͠S̶̨̟͚̣̅É̷͓͔̣͒R̶̛͖̠͇̍̍̄̚I̸̬̣̾͗̚͜͝O̶͇̼͉͒͒͂Ū̶̯̀̊͝S̸̯̯̙̀̎̎̕͠?̵̛̪̦̉̆̾͝ ̴̥͑A̴̘͌̃̓F̷̟͑͂̓T̵̫̣̽̓͘E̶̦͕̩̤͛͊͆̒R̵͈͚̜̂͗͝ ̸̗̠̂̆́̋̂Ȇ̸̢V̵̰͇̼͐͐̂́̀E̴̘̖͔̳̋̂͘͠R̷̟̙͋Ý̴̹̤͓̀̓͜T̷̯̣̙̾́͑͒͜ͅH̶̛͎̙̥̲̓͒͜Į̶̳̜̃͊̏͛̿N̸̦͚̜̒̍G̵̛͇̠̈͘ ̵̗̖̱̼̦̄̽̀̈̍I̵͓̖͚̝̕ ̵̨̮̗̼̐̓̓D̷͈̑̔̚İ̵̧͈̹͙͐̔̎D̶̹̔ ̴̰̺̉̆̈́͒̉T̵̨̉̑O̶̲̣̝̫͓̅̈̑͝ ̸̡̩̦͎͂͛̾P̸̨͚̲̲̒̏͂̀͘L̸͇̘͚̻̋E̷̞̼̪̘̓̌͗A̸̡̒̒͊̉̅S̴̪̟̙̍̑́̐Ȩ̶͇̯̔͊͜͜ ̴͜͝Y̷̖̞̎́͋̾͗Ó̷̞̟̖̮Ų̸͚͕͍͐̌̚͜?̶͖̜̭͔̈́̓ ̶̧͙̥̘͔̂͑̃T̶̨̛̥̈́̒͝Ȯ̵̢͇̦̩̣͌̈́̅ ̷̡͉̦̯͆̀́́͝M̴̺̩͎̘͠A̶̹͚̼̰̱̽̿̐͘͠Ǩ̸̢̫̝͍̠̍̽̓͋E̷͍̗͆̓̾̽ ̵̲̹̤̈̇Y̵̨̻̥͙̭̐̓͋̋͝Ơ̴͉͙͖͍U̴̥̫̪̫̍̓̓̕ ̶̜̦̞͆̕͝ͅL̶̲̞̪͉͉͑̈́O̸̼̍V̶̪̾̏̽Ê̶̟͉̙͉̗ ̵̢̜̭̲̱̈M̶̟̞̊̀̔̂͘E̵̥͍̰͓̿́̾̀͐?̵̜̺͖͜͝ ̴̰̦͒̃͂A̶̢̤̝͛̆̇N̴̯̝̯̰̔͗̽͂͜D̶̟͝ ̴͕͌̔̉Y̷̜̬͋̏̀Ȍ̵̰͠U̷̢͂͋ ̴̠͈̥̋̎̀Ẅ̵̬͕́A̸̢͈̰͚̅̑̀̄͝Ṅ̵͈͍̦̯T̸̳̏͊̚ ̴̝̞̔Ṯ̸̫̯̼̖́́̂Ö̴̞̺̱́̏ ̵̡̬̪̮̺͐͐̌L̵̡͓̜͉̮̂Ė̵̦̣̋̈́A̶̡̺̲͕͐̊͌̊̍V̶̟̫͇̑͒È̸̥̭͌͑?̶̩͍̤͐̊̚ͅ ̵̩̘͉̏̒̔̀̈Ḁ̸̧͈͉̒͑M̸͓̙͎̦̐͛͛̌̏ ̵̪̇̇͆̄̑Ĭ̵̫̭̂͌ ̸̮̒R̵̼̱͔̯̀̋̓Ë̷̼̭̬̾͒̎P̵̡̈́̑̋̑Ú̶̥́̇͂L̸̹̈́̇S̴̢̜͐̍͋Î̴̫̹͋̏̄V̵͕͇̣͚͂E̴̢͕̱̬͙͌̋?̷̧͇͇̱̒̔͆ ̶̮͍͈̻̎̎͂Ḯ̴͎̓̌̌̓͜S̶̢̙͗́̑̕ ̷̜̝͇̻̽̈́̎͑̌Ṯ̶͈̐H̸̰̝͌͘Ä̶̬̟͙́̀̏̕T̷̹͖͙̪͂ ̷̳͕̹́Ĭ̴̖͚̼̰̀̚Ţ̴̺̬͊͗?̵͙̑ ̵̍̈̍̊͜W̶̧̧̤̩͙̿̒́̃̕H̸̼̀Y̵͇̘̿̄͂͌͠?̵̨̪̪̲͈̊̓͆ ̴̦̉̿͝W̸̡̜̙̎H̵̠̲̍̏͌͘Y̸͈̻͎̎̒̾̿͝ ̷͚͉̈́̏͗͜T̴͔͓̣̜̝͝H̴͈̝̜͖̬̔͆͘Ę̶̪̼̰͛ ̸͖̯̟́͊F̵͖̼̈́Ũ̴͙̳̑̆͂͠C̷̲͉̄͘K̷͉̯̲͑ͅ ̵̛̬̗̙̹̋̐̽͠D̶̘̹͕̩̋͋̄̓̄O̷͙͗̑͑E̵̜̯͜͠ͅS̷̞͊͜Ň̴̖̰̩̻̓̄̆'̶̜̗̦̲̖͝T̸͕̓̄͝ ̸͖̝̥̓̈̓̈Ā̴̖͖̬͔̩̉͘Ņ̸̻͈̾̌͌̍Y̸̡̎̃̓͝O̴͓͎̬͊̃͒̉̿Ň̸̤̞̺̝̠́̒̑E̵̢̛̤͔̅͐̓ ̸̩̤̺͎̐̔́Ẁ̵̤͇́̉͆A̵̡̲̙̘̤̓͋͌̚͝Ń̵͎͇̅́T̸̛͖̥͎͉̙̈́͗̄ ̴̰̜̅͜M̶̢͚̲͕̂̈E̵͔̮̪̿̿̏?̴̣̫̂̆̔ͅ ̸̯̘͎̫͍͝Ẅ̷̱́ͅḦ̶͎͎́͆͘͠A̴̘̬̣͉̣͋̒̐̑͝T̷͈͎͔̮̀̈́̓ ̴̛̥͉͈̦͗͠A̸͚̕͠M̸̦͙̺̆̀͗ ̸̝͈̥̰̉Ỉ̴̗͕̠̦̀̕ ̴͔̘̼̲͛̀̑̿̇͜Ď̶̫̣̦͂Ȯ̸̙̬I̸͉̰̜͛͊N̶̘͓̖̔͜Ĝ̶̨̡͔̲̱̂̉͒ ̴̝̈̒̉̿̈͜W̷͉͈̮̑̒͗͌R̵̗̭̔ͅͅO̸̱̮̜͔̯̅N̵̩͉͉͔̾̏́͝G̷͍͍̣͚͉̚?̷͇̤̳̞̯̒ ̵͕͎̰̓̔̑̓I̴̳̹̻̠͒́͑͠'̷̜̭̦͈͐̑V̵̧͍̤̹̙̑̿̍Ȅ̸͙͇̓́̇ ̷̰̪̭̏̾̊Ã̶̫̣̖̥̃L̵̘̦̈́W̸͚̅͊͑Ȁ̸̪̱̹͑Y̷̭̻̅̍͠S̵̤̻̠̗̟͒͋ ̷̗̜̃B̴̡̠̫͍̒̀̈́E̴̙̮̜̘͖̽E̵̤̦̗̾͛͛͒N̸̛͈͆̽͜ ̵̨́S̴̝̓̋̂̓̑M̷̥̤̋̕E̸̦̬̅́̍̒Ö̴̡́̋̃͝N̸͕̎̍̇Ẽ̶̮͚͈̭̪ ̵͓̱̓͛͂͝E̶̦̭͈̩͑̎̚͝͠L̴̩̩͌̃͐͐̾S̵̜̔̎͂̕͝Ĕ̶̪̍̊ ̴̖̽͘F̵̟͙͔͋̆̅̉̚Ơ̶̯̌R̵̰͑̾͑ ̸̯̌͒̋͘O̶͙̬̭̦̼͗̐̉T̸͕̊̀͂H̶̱̬̮̳͒̈́̀̿É̵̝̥͝͝R̵̟̹̜̞̀́̈́͒͜ ̴͚͈̊̔ͅP̴̼͆̀͗͊̊Ę̸̧̯̣̩͂̑Ọ̴͕͔̞̏͆P̴̯̞̉̕L̶͙̲͛Ę̷̯͎̼̲̏̒͋̀̿,̵͔̙̲̋̎͆͠ ̸̖͓̞̭̃̃̌B̵̺͖́̈́̈̈́U̵̼͉̒̀ͅŤ̵̢̪̻̖͙̔̀͑̊ ̵̨̛̭̪̖̖͐͌I̴̢̝̰̭͙̎Ț̸͚̯̭̦̏'̸͇͓̣͉̜̓̒̀̑͛S̴͈̥͓͌̎̎͜ ̷̢͔͎̣̐̀N̶͙̲͖̿͑͗̉̔E̷̳͉͎͕͗̈͑V̸̢̭̩͙͑Ẻ̶̥̜͔̚Ȓ̶̞̲̮̜͗̃͛ ̶̛͎͕̠̝̙̒̔B̴̬̪̥̹͛̔̒͜E̴͈̺̊̈́̋͛Ë̸̫͔̖͉́̑̆̈́N̴̗̘̥͝ͅ ̴̬̹̫̪͔̄̒̚Ȇ̵̞͌Ň̵̘͔̟̈́O̷͍͐̈́̓͘͝Ù̵͕̻̭̜̗͒̎̀̍G̴̝̦̘̎̾͘H̶̠̍̈̉̕!̶̧͚̦͔̅ ̸̖̀̔Ă̷̛͎͌M̷̫͎͕̘͆̽̽̑ ̴̭͙͚̉͂̿I̶̡͌̓͑͝ ̸̜̣̘͔̼̌̇͝T̶̲̳̆̐̔͂̕H̶͉̍͛̂͋Ȩ̵̭̮̳̻͌̏̀̉͝ ̵̭͔̩͋͛Ì̴̥̼̜Ṣ̵̗̟̲͔̓͑͝S̸̟̙̭̋Ư̸̢̼̳̰̒̇E̵͔̩̳͛̚?̴̻͇̰̠͉͊̀̚ ̸̙̗̘͒̀͝T̷͔̯̈́Ę̸̣͖̈́̇͊L̶̛͙̝̤͂̋L̶̜̟͌̔͘ ̶̞̗̙̖͐́͌M̴̳̝̯̬͝ͅẼ̶̲͕̩͗̆!̶̦̘̝̬̖̏͑ ̷̠̺̦̻̩̌T̷̡̨̺̙̃̔Ë̶̠̦̱̲͍̍́L̵͈̎͗̓̂̍͜L̸̲̭̬̜̭͑̑ ̷̯̅̾M̷̠̀̊́̍É̵̱͝!̴̣͑̓̚ ̴̧͔̦̘͗͛͝T̴͎̰̺͋͑̀Ë̴̥̰͎́̈́L̷̖͈͗̒̆̈́̚Ľ̸̟̻̦̰̇̈̾ ̸͔̮̮̓̋M̷͉͋͝Ȩ̸͙̹͓̄͐̇̌̊!̴͎͔̌́ͅ ̷̨͗T̶̡̆̆͆È̶̗̄Ļ̷̐̏̀̽L̴̝̱̦̰̊̽̾ͅ ̶̻̩̙̈́̌͘͘͝M̷̟̭̟͌͛̐̚Ę̶͒̂̆̾͐ͅ!̵͎̱͕̦͗͂̚ ̷̡͖͚̭̊͒͜T̴̫̋̄͊͘E̷̞̫͚̔͂̓̚Ľ̶̛̺̭͈̽̈́͝L̸̠͐̾ ̷̗̯͖̝̟̆͝M̶̝̥̖͐Ẹ̶̢̻͓̏̏͗̌̕!̷͈̮̰͓̀̏̊̋͜͝ ̶̥̅̐̒̎͠T̴̨͓̬͕̜̕E̴̡͇̼̹̜̒̃̉̇L̸̪̘͙̪͈͒͝L̸͙̘̩̻̠̎͑̚ ̸̞̠̗͎̗̓͂́͝M̶̟͓̔̂̂̋Ȅ̴̯͜ͅ!̵̨̹̺͒̓̓͜ ̷͓̦̳̱̼̈Ṱ̴̪̳̳̅̏́͂̔Ȩ̷̧̞̼̇̍L̶̪̐L̸̫͚̺͓̄̿̈́͜ ̵̡̭͙̓M̵̫̥͙̩̜͑͛͗̑Ḙ̵̤̰̰̎!̸̡̯̹́ͅ ̴̧̛̙̙̪̋̇T̸̼̗̦̳̈́̆͘̚̚Ė̴̖̉̾̕L̶̨̼̲̐́̄͝L̷̰͍̀͆̽͐̚ ̷̫̳͈͊̈M̵̢̟̱̜̦̒̅Ę̷̛̹͎̞̓̃!̵̺͑͑̀ ̴̨̂̍́͐͘ͅT̶̤̤̩́̃́̌̍͜E̶̙̬̯͈͈͒͆͊̀̚L̶̳̰̂͌̉̊̈́Ḽ̴̢͓́̿̄̈́̽ ̵̞̒M̴̧͎̒Ḙ̸̢̨͚̚!̷̫̮̹̋̕͜ͅ ̷̨͉̈́͌T̵̨͚͓̞͝Ḛ̴̟̀̑̃L̴͉̞̝̙̣̒̕L̴̤̠͈͂̃̚ ̷̻̌M̴̖̈́̎E̸̤͎̐̑̾̎̈́!̸̡͚̗̥͐̿͝

Translations:

Yani

Everything is how it should be

Are you serious? ARE YOUFUCKING SERIOUS? AFTER EVERYTHING I DID TO PLEASE YOU? TO MAKE YOU LOVE ME? AND YOU WANT TO LEAVE? AM I REPULSIVE? IS THAT IT? WHY? WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T ANYONE WANT ME? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? I'VE ALWAYS BEEN SMEONE ELSE FOR OTHER PEOPLE, BUT IT'S NEVER BEEN ENOUGH! AM I THE ISSUE? TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME!

[yuukei-yikes]

kind of a specific random question but do you think theres a possibility that shintaros the first one to try and stop being so attached to takane. like one day takane is all haha hey do you need me for anything then shin goes well uhhh- actually no its okay. takane goes what no you arent let me help you with something COME ON

ive drawn this before. so yes i do (from here)

YA i totally think it's like this AT FIRST. takane is totally shamelessly clinging to shintaro and shintaro's like GET. OFF. MEEEE!!!!! and takane's in his room like carpet she's a fucking parasite roach infestation of 1.

like immediate post str i picture this bitch just sleeping over every single day stealing all his clothes and shintaro's like COME ON. i love how in the novels shintaro dresses in front of ene and no one gives a shit in fact ene is like YOU LOOK SO HANDSOME UR SUCH A MAN'S MAN like. when takane has her body back shintaro's like at least get out WHILE I GET DRESSED!! and takane's totally unbothered like whaaaa im not even looking and u never seemed to care to dress in front of me as ene whatever dude. shintaro seething. he's like this sucks she's right ive been getting dressed in front of her the whole time. also takane changes his nasty bed sheets bc she also sleeps in his bed. literally existing symbiotically. srry they're so close and have no privacy i need u to understand.

shintaro acts incredibly grumpy about it and is actively kicking her out daily but takane never seems to get mad at all and if anything she's just pathetically begging him to stayyyy pleaseeeeee u must need me for SOMETHINGGGGGG and shintaro. while yes he is like NO GET OUT also come on. he's so weak if someone especially someone girl coded flutters their eyelashes at him he immediately just goes YEAH ALRIGHT...haruka ayano or takane can all just flutter their eyelashes and shintaro will do anything they say its hilarious.

we've seen ene do this and while shintaro manages to stay strong i think post str he's very weak to takane because he's so guilty over route xxx so sometimes he just gives her whatever she wants out of guilt. like retaining is shintaro's big demise if it wasn't for it maybe he would've been able to just set his foot down and force takane to grow out of her unhealthy attachment.

but noooo... he starts enabling/reciprocating her behavior LOL!!!! like it's indeed takane the one to start the dynamic. she's always been the most attached of the 2. but shintaro is so guilty over the bad route and realises she's always been here even in all other routes. by just saying ugh yes whatever at everything she says he is accidentally becoming part of the unhealthy attachment. i think at first while he WAS attached it wasn't to the point takane drives it. and since she was shameless and pathetic abt it like not hiding it at all that's why he's unconscious it goes both ways bc he's like well ive been acting all grumpy abt it obviously its not me its her!!! but he doesn't realise that as time went on he started liking the dynamic bc its comfy LOL and takane is good company and they love each other ok. hold me im gonna pass out.

this is so early on post str. while takane still struggles with stopping resorting to opening eyes whenever anything gets uncomfortable and while shintaro is still sort of processing all timelines and how he feels about them and stuff. u know me i love flipping dynamics thats why eventually its shintaro following takane while she's like ermmm erm ermmm bc she's been healing while shintaro's been going downhill.

ALSO i think shintaro's mom "knew" of ene. like SHE DOESNT but shintaro was constantly talking to himself in his room so she asks if he's calling with anyone?? shintaro's like ERM...ERMM... YEAH... ITS AN ONLINE FRIEND.... so shintaro's mom is like omg this is THAT friend who was with him while he was all depressed in his room!!! so ratio + shintaro's mom loves takane and since she's always staying over keeps asking if they're dating and is very confused that they say no and neither is EVER flustered they're just like no we aren't 😐 also if shinaya are dating and kisaragi mom knows she probably talks to shintaro like Hey isnt this weird u have a gf and u seem to spend most of ur time with someone else. and shintaro's like UGHHHHH STOPPP ANNOYING MEEE!!! and like momo, kisaragi mom is also sorta scared of approaching shintaro in fear of scaring him away now that he's out and about. so she's like erm okay (still watches from afar)

sorry for going crazy abt shintaro & takane again. they drive me so crazies. they love each other ur honor and its so fucked up

[stiffyck]

Hi Stiff!! Kinda wanted to ask since I wanna get into the game but if, in theory, you were to try making a watcher (like yes, those ones) in gw2, which combo of profession + race would work best?

I'm like fully new to it so absolutely willing to learn a difficult profession for the aesthetics, like it looks really fun so I wanna give the game a shot even tho I've been a mainly support and subdps player so I'm very lost ^^;;;

OH MY GOSH OKAY. SO.

I think any race could work for this one but im gonna give you a quick summary of each race so you can pick which one you think would fit the best:

Human- pretty standard. They worship 5 different gods, each god representing a different thing of course. Wisdom, war, beauty, etc.

Norn- bigger humans. They are connected in a way to a spirit. You can pick one of four animal spirits, each of them focusing on something a bit different.

Charr- big war kitties. They are a war based race amd they pick their own families. They grow up in fahrars and then pick their warband and join a legion. Their warband is like their family. Theyre not big softies- being soft is considered weak.

Asura- small but smart. Theyre innovators and scientists and other professions like that. They linda believe they should be the ruling race based on their higher intelect.

Sylvari- very curious, a new race. They aren't born but awaken fully grown. Their basic knowledge is gathered when theyre growing up in their pod. Some sylvari have a dream which they then follow once awaken, like destiny or smt. They are also connected to the pale tree, who is like their mother.

I think each one could work well.

Now for the profession. I would pick one of these:

Mesmer- they use illusion magic. Mostly dps but can be used as boon support as well. They create clones of themselves to confuse the enemy. Chronomancers, the heart of thorns specialization for this class, also have the ability to "softly" time travel. They can also make portals and help people get over jumping puzzles etc.

Guardian- great support class, but also great dps. They have a lot of supportive abilities and can provide both healing and a boon support. The specialization firebrand also uses spells from books (which looks cool as hell since your character just whips out a book and papers float around you)

Revenant- this one you unlock only if you have the expansion heart of thorns. Revenants use the skills and powers from dead heroes (well, not only heroes but. Yknow) of their world. They are attuned to the mists (a sort of after life lets say) which lore wise i would think fits watchers pretty well. A great dps class but can be used for boon support or the rare healer

A note: each class has 3 specializations. One for each expansion. If you have the expansions you can unlock and use the specializations. Each spec adds a new weapon your class can use and a bunch of new abilities. Its a new way to play the class basically! Also, the expansions are the only thing that require real life money to buy. The rest you can unlock in game or change the in-game money for gems! Gems are the currency you can get for real life money. Some you can trade gems for gold and gold for gems.

So if you decide to buy the expansions, you dont have to pay for anything else. Theres no subscription.

I hope this somewhat makes sense at least.

I personally would probably go with a sylvari mesmer but im biased towards sylvari as theyre my favorite race. And mesmer because i think mesmers are cool.

Anyway i hope you enjoy the game!!!

[jadeittic]

HS + Y/I: 2022 (SERIES)

EXTRA (3)

PREVIOUS. NEXT.

HARRY STYLES + PLATONIC!EX-1D MEMBER!FEM!READER

WARNINGS: typical instagram comments, swearing

harrystyles

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harrystyles As It Was. Out Now.

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username harry im at a funeral rn pls

username GIRL 😭😭😭😭

username TURN THIS SHIT UPPPP

username what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck. the dancing???? the singing???? yn????? harry?????

tomholland2013 yourinstagram you look a little funny in that blue jumpsuit

yourinstagram SHUT UP I LOVED THE OUTFIT OKAY

yourinstagram ❤️💙

username THE VOCALS, THEY ARE SERVING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HAPPENINGGG??!?!?! THE WORLD IS HEALING ‼️🙇‍♀️

yourinstagram

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yourinstagram as it was out everywhere now!

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username YN HONEY I THOUGHT YOU WERENT GONNA POST ANYTHINF TODAY.

username for a second i thought you and harry had serious beef

yourinstagram we do have serious beef

britanny_broski i fainted. it’s the second time this day

username THEYRE GOING TO BREAK THE INTERNET AGAIN SOON

chrisevans Dodger and I are so proud of you two ❤️ We miss you a lot.

yourinstagram sucks to say i only miss the dog, not the owner. thank u for ur kind words tho!

username JAILLLLLL 😭😭😭😭

username CHRIS 💀

chrisevans Ouch. What a way to offend me. 😒

username YOU KNOWWWW ITS NOT THE SAME AS IT WAAAASSSS

celebnews

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celebnews harry styles and yn ln rumored to be performing at coachella this year after releasing a collaboration album.

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username YN AND HARRY???? AT COACHELLA???? PERFORMING TOGETHER??? IS THERE MORE I COULD ASK FOR

username you dk whats gonna happen to me if this actually happened

username omg. hoping for this 2 be true.

username YNRRY?????????? 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

username ❤️❤️

username WE SHALL RISEEEEE

username ALL HAIL YNRRY!

yourinstagram

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yourinstagram robin when she found out yn and harry are performing at coachella this week

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username HELLO???

username how is she so calm abt this what

username IM CRYING

harrystyles Another performance with you?

yourinstagram saying that like its a bad thing 😭😭

username MY FAV DUO LETS GOOOOOO

username TURN THIS SHIT UP YALL

username THE RIGHT WAY TO TREAT YOU BOTH 🙌🙌🙌

harrystyles

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harrystyles Robin Buckley says that she’s delighted to have YN and Harry to perform at Coachella this week. Are you?

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username WHAT A WAY TO CONFIRM THIS

username HARRY STYLES IS ROBIN BUCKLEY FAN?

username a crossover i didnt know i needed

username YES YES HARRY I AM DELIGHTED TO HAVE YOU BOTH AT COACHELLA THIS WEEK

emmachamberlain literally spending all my money just for this

username HISTORY. THIS WILL MAKE SO MUCH HISTORY.

noahschnapp milliebobbybrown TAKE ME HERE PLEASE

milliebobbybrown i literally just spent half my money for you

noahschnapp i dont care JUST PLEASEEE TAKE ME TO GO SEE THEM

yourinstagram

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yourinstagram april ‘22. coachella.

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username I NEARLY PASSED OUT WHEN SHE STARTED SINGING

username oh lord

username when they both performed kiwi i swear i felt my legs become weak

username ON MY KNEES FOR THIS WOMAN.

sydneysweeney i cant believe i witnessed this moment. how are u both real!

username YNRRYCHELLA HAS MY HEART

zendaya what a wonderful show you both put on!! proud of harry and my girl <3

timotheechalamet GO GIRL WE LOVED YOU AND HARRY

florencepugh i lost my voice after screaming for yn and yn only

harrystyles Rude.

username her and harrys outfit are beyond omg

harrystyles

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harrystyles Coachella, April 2022.

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chrishemsworth Holy shit

chrisevans Holy shit indeed

username IM SHITTING MY PANTS

username HARRYCHELLA HAS MY HEART ❤️❤️❤️❤️

username definition of making history.

username WHEN HE AND YN SHOWED UP ON STAGE I WAS BAWLING MY EYES OUT 😭

username ok but the outfits did things to me and i think i like them

yourinstagram i almost tripped because of you

username GIRL YOU WERE ABOUT TO BREAK THAT GORGEOUS FACE OF YOURS

username IM GONNA CRY SHE LITERALLY WAS GONNA FALL OFF STAGE

username yall dont deserve the crowd you had last night

username YNRRYCHELLA SUPREMACY 🙇‍♀️

ynupdates

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ynupdates yn ln last night at coachella!

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username YN LNNNNNN???!?!???

username THE HAIR. THE CLOTHES. THE GLASSES. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

username MOMMY

username she and harry literally stole the show

username NEED A MAID???? I CAN CLEAN yourinstagram

username SHE IS EVERYTHING IM TELLING YOU

ynrry

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ynrry yn ln, harry styles, lizzo, and shania twain at coachella.

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username WHEN SHANIA SHOWED UP I COULDNT EVEN THINK ANYMORE

username MY FAVORITES

timotheechalamet I LOVE MY IDOLS ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

username NOT YOU COMMENTING

username im telling my kids theyre the ones who ruled the world

username AS THEY FUCKING SHOUUUULLDDDDDD

username 🙌🙌🙌🙌

ynupdates

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ynupdates yn ln via instagram story.

[obxjj]

the way we heal | jj maybank

- pairings: jj maybank x reader

- summary: people deal with trauma in different ways but it seems that jj thinks you don't care about the loss of your friends and deep down himself but he just needs to understand that people heal in their own time and through their own meanings, he just needed to be reassured of it. kinda pre season 2 ep 1 give ot take

- warning(s): really motherfucking angsty and swearing. mention of substance abuse

- wc: 2.2k :))))

a/n: all my fics the pogues and reader are the age 17/18 only because that's more comfortable for me to write. its been a long long time since i have wrote something so sorry for and spelling errors

People tend to deal with trauma differently. It could be resulting to crying you eyes out until you can’t breath and you can’t see through your tears clouding your eyes. Drinking until your liver wants to shut down and you whole body is so numb that yourself and everyone around you is so tuned out that you can’t function. Resulting to drugs to either feel something or not to feel anything at all. Or to have something to blame your actions on from yourself acting out simply because you don’t know how to handle the situation of a friend dying.

See you on the other hand dealt with it internally or the whim and feeling of not accepting death. Maybe it was your subconscious talking wanting you not to accept or maybe it was the gut feeling that you always got telling you that they were actually alive and have survived that storm that ‘supposedly’ had swept them away because “no body was found”.

This ‘gut feeling’ had always been right in many life or death situations. Or even just you picking out an outfit that you were unsure of whether it was going to get the boys attention that you had a crush on. It did indeed get his attention that night because that’s how you ended up loosing your virginity that night but that’s besides the point.

The best way you could describe it was like when people would do personality tests and it would ask “are you controlled by your heart or what you feel” probably not those exact words but you get the point. I felt with my feelings if my gut said yes then it was a yes.

Since the night that John B and Sarah had ‘died’ your gut had been telling you the opposite. That they were in fact not dead. As Big John use to say when you were a kid, you can never kill a Routledge. At the time it seemed like bullshit but now it was starting to grow on you.

However now your two friends were presumed dead and not everyone dealt with trauma like you did. Some would even go as far to say that you didn’t actually give a fuck that your friends were dead because you hadn’t cried or you hadn’t drunk yourself into a state of no return or resulted to smoking weed every single day and spray painted ‘murder’ on Ward Cameron’s estate. But at least Kiara wasn’t lying.

But the thing was you hadn’t cried because you couldn’t, you quite literally hated crying because it made you feel weak. Even if you tried and you tried your hardest but nothing came. At this point you could go as far as denial. This gut feeling was like getting hit by a semi truck every time a thought came into your head questioning maybe they were dead. Maybe they did get swept away at sea and never to return.

Your gut feeling was simply not letting you mourn the loss of John B and Sarah and now everyone thought you were an emotionless bitch. I mean they were right to a point but not the whole point.

So that brought you to current day driving around the Cut and night playing fucking real life Where’s Wally but its Where’s JJ Maybank because he’s blacked out drunk somewhere and now you’re on a rescue mission. Not like you had done enough of those in the last few weeks.

About an hour ago your phone rang and it was JJ asking you to come pick him up since somehow he had now idea where he had ended up and was too far gone to put together his surroundings. Well that’s what you had assumed he said since you had to decipher his slurred words.

At this point you had driven around the whole island and gone to every hid out spot that he would go smoke at or to just get away from everyday life. You had gone to all but one place. Where you avoiding that particular house because it held so many memories, plus the fact you hadn’t been near the place since shit hit rock bottom. Yes? But it was the highest chance that JJ was sitting on that dock with his legs swinging over it with a beer in hand.

Well you were right. As you walked down the old dock to where JJ was sitting it was if you could feel all the emotions, thoughts and disbelief crawling their way up your skin from the ground you were walking on. But that gut feeling was like a wave of fire, burning it all the way back to the ground.

“I don’t know why I just didn’t look here first. I should have known aye” you half heartedly said trying to keep the conversation light since you didn’t know what state JJ was going to be in. From the huff you got in response told you he wasn’t in the mood to talk.

“How much have you had J?” You asked with concern but still trying to keep you voice light and less reprimanding because you knew he was in a too fragile state for you to be angry.

“Does it even matter how much Iv had. I don’t feel shit anymore” he replied back with his words straight forward and sobered.

“Well have you even given yourself a break for your body to sober up for you to even feel the effects of it? Or have you still been going since yesterday when I saw you? J its not going to do shit if you don’t give it a rest for at least a day or so” you said back trying you best to keep you and your voice as calm as possible. You fucking hated seeing JJ like this, you would never say it to his face but fuck it just reminded you of his dad when he got into states like this. Until the last week you had never seen JJ this bad. But could you blame him.

“You just don’t get it do you” JJ was now facing you and by the tone of his voice you had unintentionally struck a nerve that you were actively avoiding. “Why did you even fucking come if you’re just going to tell me how I should cope. Do you even care that JB has gone? He was our best fucking friend. He was my fucking brother my only family! And he’s fucking gone just like his old man. You haven’t even shed a tear y/n. You’re just acting like nothing had happened. Do you even care!” JJ was now on his feet breathing heavily and his jaw so clenched you’re surprised his teeth haven’t broken

“J, please do not yell at me right now” you asked with your voice shaking trying to hold back something that was bubbling at the surface. Was it anger or was it the water works that desperately needed to be let out.

JJ started to walk back up the dock, showing that he was done with this conversation that he could have avoided if he didn’t ask you in the first place to come pick him up. Deep down he knew that you would be the only one to come and get him, he just wasn’t as good at showing his gratefulness due to the alcohol that was numbing him.

“JJ just wait please, please don’t walk away” You stood back up and starting walking after him quick on the backs of his feet. He halted his tracks and turned around to look at you with a pained look in his face, as you got up close you could see his eyes stained red. Either from crying or the linger of weed still in his system.

“What could you possibly want to say y/n. I really thought you would be the last person not to care about this” JJ was now right up in your face and his voice was holding back trying his best not to yell. But that last sentence had taken you back.

“You think I don’t care JJ!” now you starting yelling “of course I give a shit JJ our friends are gone, they are not fucking here. I know it might not seem that I don’t care. But just because I’m not crying my eyes out every hour or drinking myself into a state where I don’t now where the fuck I am or getting high that I spray paint on any wall I see” your breath was now battling to come to the surface because you were talking so fast.

“Just because Im not doing any of those things doesn’t mean I don’t care JJ! People deal with this shit differently and you need to understand that” you breathed out trying to grasp for air again “the thing is JJ I have this annoying gut feeling thats telling me that John B and Sarah are not dead, and its literally preventing me to mourn them. I have convinced myself that they are alive and I can’t fucking mourn non dead people J. I don’t know how to fucking explain it”

“Well why didn’t you just tell us that” he replied after bit letting your whole rant sink into his brain, weaving its way through the alcohol that was clouding it.

“Because JJ! Even saying that out loud I sound fucking crazy, like I’m in a deep pit of denial. The thing is I’m far from denial. Yes I know there is a massive fucking fat chance that they are dead and have been food for the sharks” you exclaimed

“Don’t make it worse y/n” JJ shook his head not very happy with your choice of words

“Okay yeah sorry bad wording. Im sorry” you lowered your head in sorrow wanting to slap yourself in the face for trying to make jokes out of trauma.

“So its not that I don’t care J, trust me I do care. But John B and Sarah are not physically here with us and I cant physically care for them right now. But when we see them can do that”

“Y/n -“ JJ tried to get a word in but you hadn’t finished

“Don’t JJ. We will see them again” you put an emphasis on ‘will’ “I trust my gut and even you know that when I get a gut feeling that it’s always been right. Correct?”

“Yes but -“ he tried to get another word in but you needed him to listen.

“JJ I care about you. I care about Kiara and Pope. You guys are physically here for me to care for. The thing is I haven’t spoken to Kie since she’s with Pope half the time and I have spoken to Pope since he’s with Kid half the time and you? I can’t speak to you because your too far gone in beers to for me to even get a coherent conversation in” This was such an over due conversation to be had, you were now on the verge of hyperventilating. You needed JJ to hear this. Fully sober would have been better but half sober is the best you’re gonna get.

“JJ I understand if that’s how you’re going to deal with all of this but you can’t throw yourself completely away. We need you. I need you JJ. I can’t have you going off the deep end and then we loose you too. You need to be here for when we get John B back. He will need you for when he’s back”. The water works that you had been holding back had finally been released and trust it to be in front of JJ. He was your fucking rock, you couldn’t loose him. No way that would be your last day on earth if that were to happen.

“I-. Im sorry. I’m just so fucking lost y/n. I don’t know what the fuck to do. You’re always at work and Kie and Pope are god knows where. I just want this to go away so fucking bad. All this pain, I feel like I have no one” JJ was now crying to and gripping your waist as is you could float away into the air

“I know JJ, but you have us you have always had us. But you have to be so stubborn sometimes that you won’t let us in and help, you won’t let me in a help you” you had JJ’s face in your hands making him look at you so he knew you meant every single word. “I’m so sorry if you didn’t think I cared and I wasn’t there to help you, I just deal with this shit in a different way. Just like every single other person. We all heal differently and that’s okay. It dosent mean we care less. It doesn’t mean I care less”

Now there you and JJ stand on the dock leading off the chateau both in each others embrace purging the pain that’s both been locked up inside you for so long. The past you and JJ had people really didn’t tend to understand but neither did you. But you would always find your way back to each other at the end of the day. Despite the fights you had in the past and the days you would be at each others throats screaming at each other to the days you would be secretly stealing a glance at him because you just couldn’t help yourself.

You would always be there to help him take the pain away and he was always be there to do the same for you.

[eligaxy]

Wind

☆ℜ𝔢𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔭 : Venti x gn!Reader

☆𝔚𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 : near death experience, you’re confused asf about everything, bad writing cause i suck, spoilers for the we will be reunited quest!! And also for venti’s backstory, venti is serious for once (yes it’s a legitimate warning🤚)

☆𝔊𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 : Some angst, some fluff? Idk bye🤨

☆𝔖𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶 : "It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask." (2.8k words)

♪𝔑𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔰 : i’m an idiot simp, i did this in one sitting and half asleep, english isnt my first language BLA BLA IM SORRY FOR MY POOR WRITING BUT HAVE THIS

basically you don’t know if you can trust venti or not, head says no, heart screams yes

Also, I was listening to stormterror’s lair ost while writing it, just because its fucking amazing, you might wanna listen to it too

I’m nervous to post this?/&:! This is the second fic i’ve ever finished in my whole life

i love venti and he’s hot in his god outfit i don’t make the rules

KAY ENJOY <3

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

Saying you were exhausted would have been an understatement. After reuniting with your sibling, you had been frantically searching for clues about khaenri'ah and ways to Inazuma. With no luck, you couldn't find any traces of Dainsleif or of your twin. The ruins had been sealed and you had no idea what happened to the inverted statue or the corpse you had found there. Desperately, you clung into every little information you had, you would have turned every rock on this archon damned continent if you had to, which is what led you into those ruins near Guilli plains.

Walking along the destroyed buildings your eyes caught sight of a dandelion and you froze. You missed them so much, why couldn't they go back home with you? All you ever wanted was to be by their side why, why were they running away from you?

You remembered your travels, the moments you shared together, their protectiveness over you, the fondness in their eyes when you smiled at them. You remember the times you got hurt and healed one another with your now missing powers. You remember sleeping by their side and being grateful to the universe to let you keep your ray of sunshine everywhere with you. How ironic.

What had they meant 'once you reach the end of your journey' ? What does that even mean? Stupid twin, if they knew you were here the whole time, why hadn't they come to you? Why were they always leaving just when they were within your grasp? Why? Did they know how much you missed them and how much your heart broke when you finally saw them? Did they?

You only realized you were crying when a small gust of wind had your wet cheek react to the cold, breaking your train of thought. Wind.

The wind is everywhere, you think, free as a bird, always accompanying every citizen of this world, never truly alone. With this in mind, you resumed your exploring, slower this time.

A sigh escaped your mouth. You didn't want to admit it, but the wind did comfort you a little. Almost as if he was here. God of freedom and of the breeze, he was more a singer than a protector and you couldn't bear to think about him. Was it true? What Dain said... Did he destroy this nation? Was he the cause of the scenery that still haunted your nightmares up until 500 years later? Your brain simply couldn't accept that Venti, your Venti, you catch yourself thinking, could have made such an act of wrath. He was the epitome of freedom, why would he take the very thing he based all of his existence on from mere mortals? Barbatos simply couldn't be afraid of being overpowered, he didn't even care about power. All he wanted was freedom and happiness for his people. Surley this couldn't be right?

But then again, who were you to deny the wipe out of an entire nation? The gods did it. They were afraid that Celestia would be overthrown by the pride of humankind, the destruction of khaenri'ah by divine beings was a fact. There was no misunderstanding about this. That was the one thing you were sure of. So why did you feel like crying even more now?

The mere thought of a gentle soul such as Venti committing innocent people to an eternity of suffering didn't sit right with you. Even when his dearest friend Dvalin had turned against him, he didn't try to stop him, didn't even ask the dragon to save him. He healed and helped him, gave him a choice.

'What is freedom if demanded of you by a god?' was the same person that asked this question the same one who committed mass murder? Genocide?

Did the little wine-lover bard you had grown fond of destroy all hopes and light your kin had?

You remember that night when he freed Stanley from his burden, freed his and his friends' spirits. You had marveled at his action, in that instant he was a god, and he definitely hadn't struck you as a murderer. You remember that look of silent pain and grief in his eyes when he sang the tales of the nameless bard he had taken the appearance of. You knew he trusted you enough to share his story, something so personal, you could almost feel the war that took down the tyrant of Mond. Oh how much you cherished that evening, treating him to some well deserved dandelion wine afterwards, his favorite, and asking him to sing you more about the time where was nothing but the spirit of a breeze.

Your heart broke a little, remembering his rosy cheeks and drunk smile, you wish you could talk to him, ask him what happened. What did he do, was he really as dangerous as you had been told? If so, then why did you feel so good around him? Why did you feel like you could give hi-

You stopped walking upon seeing a ruin guard up ahead in the distance. You're so stupid, you think. Feeling this way is not gonna get you anywhere, especially with how the bard had been missing for a few weeks now. Ever since you had last seen your sibling.

Where was he, where was he wandering off to? You walk towards the disabled ruin guard, not really paying any mind to it, still thinking about the god you longed to meet with. If you could see him, what would you even say? Would he even answer your questions? Why did your stomach feel so light and funny when you thought about seeing him, why aren't you angrier?

You're almost at the killing machine's level now, so lost in your thought you don't notice the five other similar robots hidden behind a wall next to it. You notice them only when it's too late and you've already turned them on while thinking about examining them and collecting their serial numbers. When you hear the familiar tick of the mechanism turning on, you internally panic and think about running away only to calm down moments later and think to yourself that you can simply beat it and take what you came here for. Even if you are emotionally and physically tired, you can manage, you think.

That was before hearing five other consecutive ticks right after it, and all around you.

Turning around, your gaze falls upon the small army of field tillers. Fuck.

Paimon wasn't with you today, you had asked for some time alone which she hesitantly accepted, so you couldn't ask her to go fetch help. You would have been worried if you had all your capacities but with the state you were in, you were wondering how you were going to survive this fight. You were alone, none of your companions with you, and deeply weakened by the busy day you had and the few hours of sleep you had managed to steal away from the night. Was it today you would meet your doom, with all your questions and uncertainties unanswered?

You tried your best to fight with the strength you had left, but quickly grew desperate after what felt like hours of efforts to swing your blade and being able to only take one monster down out of the six. It didn't help that you got injured along the way, their blows becoming harder and harder to dodge. After being thrown on the grown for the third time, you understood you had at least two broken ribs and that your shaking legs would soon fail you as well.

Fear crept upon you, you would die here today, alone. Alone. You couldn't talk to your sibling after all, couldn't understand. You didn't even get to talk to him one last time. Him... You would die without the knowledge of the truth about your bard. You would die alone. You didn't want that, you couldn't look death straight in the eye.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

-

In Mondstadt, there was a musician, a weird singer everyone had heard about at least once. He lived off of his songs and was mostly known for having a great story-telling and being an alcoholic.

The number of people who knew the true nature of his identity were few and he was perfectly content with that. He didn't wish to be a god anymore, his gnosis had been taken away anyway and it's not like he had any power over the city of wind nowadays. Even if his people still worshipped him as Barbatos, it didn't sit right with him to be called a god anymore. It actually never did, he thinks to himself with a smile, he never really took any responsibilities that came with the divine title which is why he was so weak today. But it didn't matter to him, his smile turns into a soft giggle.

Sitting on a mill that was once born from his steps he looks fondly over the city he founded. Even if they were godless, the citizens were still thriving and free. He cared oh so very deeply about the place even if he rarely, if not never, showed the affection within his heart. He remembers the day he grew strong enough to dispel the storms over his actual Mondstadt, and made the weather gentle enough so that there was no need for fireplaces. Nowadays, he loves watching birds nest into the chimney tops and seeing them found their own home. It gave him a sense of belonging like no other, not above his people, but walking among them and watching them nest into this cocoon he created. He was proud of what happened to his land and would do it all over again if he had to.

Especially since it led to him meeting you. This thought doesn't catch him off guard, you often roamed around in his mind after all, and it's not like he didn't write at least three songs about you and your feat, your smile, your courage...

Ah there he goes again, rambling about you in a whisper. He turns around to the statue of him his people erected in his honor, chuckling at how they never made the connection with his signature braids. His, but not really his, since he had stolen this form from someone who was much more deserving of this power than him. Seeing his friend being honored with the statues of the seven around the land made him happy, he hoped that it was a good enough thank you gift in return for everything that the bard whom he couldn't even remember the name of anymore did for him.

Upon gazing at the statue, he remembered telling you of his long gone friend. It was the first time he had talked about him to someone else, he didn't even mention it to Venessa, she who made him believe in himself again. He could ask himself why, but he simply knew that you had something different, more than meets the eye. Perhaps it was because you weren't from Teyvat, or perhaps it was just you being as simple as your natural self but he was simply and utterly captivated by your being. You inspired him to no end, at first he thought it was because he had never met someone like you and he loved new things! But as time grew and he got to know you, he understood quickly the meaning and depth of his passions. He thought of it with a light chuckle, content with your presence alone. He really did need and want you around.

So why did he purposely avoid you like the plague?

The wind had brought to his ears that you had met with Dainsleif.

And your twin.

His first reaction was to search for you, talk to you, he wanted to be here to know what happened! You had searched so long, he couldn't contain himself, still listening to what the wind told him, he started running with excitement but... But wait, Dainsleif was... He told you what?

Oh.

So you heard about Khaenri'ah. He had stopped dead in his tracks and turned back, only sending a warm current of wind your way, hugging you from afar.

He wasn't ready to talk about this yet, not ready to face you and absolutely not ready to answer your questions. He was a coward, he thought, running away like that but what else could he do, really. It was only natural for him to be as uncatchable as air.

A sorry excuse to avoid the fact that even if his past had marvelous story like the one of the nameless bard, it also had its share of darkness, something he wasn't ready to dive back into. Especially not now when your arrival has been shaking this world up like it hasn't been since at least 500 years.

But oh, how he longed to see your face or to hear your voice. So he asked a breeze to report to him what you were up to, and where you were. Just in case! he tells himself, what if you needed help ehe? But he knows you're competent and you won't need the help of a weakling coward like him anytime soon. Or so he thought.

Because when the breeze only gives him a few words back, his blood runs cold.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

-

As you murmured these words in your desperate state, not really for anyone but yourself as a last resort, a prayer of some sort, you tried to stand by leaning yourself on your sword and failing miserably. You didn't dare look up as you heard the loud footsteps of the metal giants coming your way. It was over, and you barely managed to accept it.

As you rested your forehead against the cold handle of your sword, you closed your eyes, tears starting to make their ways out of your closed eyelids. All you could feel was remorse.

A soft breeze moved your hair slightly and your chest felt like a black hole had taken place where your heart used to be, regretting to not have been able to meet him under the tree at Windrise one last time.

The breeze quickly grew stronger, until it felt unnatural and you looked up from the ground, only to close your eyes again immediately when you realized the wind was too powerful for you to keep them open. If you had struggled to see though, you would have been blinded by the white light that soon illuminated the whole ruins. You didn't have enough time to register the situation when you felt a hand being laid atop your shoulder, snaking around your collarbones and pulling you back into... nothing? Another arm circled your weak form and a voice you immediately recognized said

"I've dealt with things worse than you, now crumble."

You realized that if you couldn't feel a chest behind you while still being embraced by his arms, it was because he was floating above you, and not standing behind you. A look in his direction confirmed your suspicions but what stunned you wasn't the fact that he was flying, but the attire he wore. Barely covering his body, a white set made of materials that seemed like clouds and liquid gold contrasted perfectly with his regular green clothes. His hair was glowing green and his eyes that were focused on the ruin guards up ahead had a marvelous shine that you had never seen before. He had that same aura he did the night he freed Stanley, but there was also something different about the way his hands gripped you a little too tightly or the way his voice sounded.

"Venti.." You muttered his name, relief and affection flooding you all at once, in his presence you felt as if nothing bad could happen to you. How foolish could you be, just a few hours ago you were speculating wether or not he had wiped out an entire civilisation and now here you were, being saved by him and feeling safer than you had in months.

"Close your eyes, I don't want give you a headache" he said, slowly floating legs first towards the ground. His unusually serious voice surprised you (and him) but you did as he told you. Letting go of your sword and leaning back into him, you let him deal with the monsters ahead of you.

"It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask."

Being protected by a god really didn't feel that bad. Especially when you were in love with said god.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Thank you so much for reading whatever this is until the end :’)

Don’t hesitate to comment or reblog, tysm <3

Ps: venti loves u and so do i do pls take care of urself mwah

[dannyphantom-rewrite]

Ghostly anatomy

Ghost Cores: are the sole organ that a ghost processes, although the core itself is made a few seperate components.

(please pardon my poor art skills) 

Outer Wall: Thick many layered endoskeleton surrounding the core, composed of hardened Ectoplasm. Microscopic pores allow for the steady intake and expulsion of ecto-energy.

Membrane: A thin porous sheet beneath the outer wall, keeps Plasma and organelles contained.

Plasma: A soup-like substance composed primarily of super charged Ectoplasm.

Vacuole: Organelles responsible for containing energy reserves, becomes active when a ghost uses their abilties or becomes injured. The sudden release of energy acts as both a catalyst to recovery and a form of adrenaline.

Scire: Latin word for "to know", a vaguely heart-shaped organelle responsible for storing information/memories. The "brain" of the core. 

Vibrato: Responsible for speech, and more animalistic vocal responses; growling, purring, rattling, hissing, ungodly shrieking and unnatural echoing. Greatly influenced by emotions.

Mitochondria: Energy Vacuums. Organelle responsible for drawing ecto-energy in from the Ghost Zone, through the Outer Wall and Membrane, filtering out harmful components, transferring excess for storage in the Vacuole and finally, releasing resulting waste products.

Nucleus: Synonymous with the Soul.

-Ghosts need ecto energy to function, and Danny and Vlad aren't an exception. However, while normal ghosts take it in from the Ghost Zone (The process is kinda similar to photosynthesis, and if you're thinking that the core looks a lot like Plant cell, you're right and that's why.) Danny and Vlad don't spend nearly enough time there to sustain themselves and have to actually consume Ectoplasm from time to time. Think of it like a dietary supplement. 

Ectoplasm and injury: 

-Aside from their core, a ghost's body is literally just Ectoplasm. When they get injured they can quickly pull energy from their Core's Vacuole to heal/repair the damage. Major injuries take more time to repair, for example; loss of a limb. Re-growing an arm takes significantly more time and energy than sealing a cut. 

-If a ghost expends ecto energy faster than they can replenish it, they run the risk of destabilizing into a pile of goop. 

-If a ghosts core is damaged it can heal, so long as the injury is on the outer wall or membrane, damage to any of the organelle is permanent and will greatly affect how it functions. For example, a puncture to the Scire will result in memory loss, and a snapped Vibrato chord could make vocalizations painful, or even render the ghost mute. Damage to any of the three mitochondria slows the rate of energy absorption and thus makes injuries heal much slower.

-if the nucleus is damaged in any way, that ghost WILL destabilize.

-Halfas definitely heal faster than normal humans, but Unlike normal ghosts, Vlad and Danny still have bones and organs and all that other junk, so they're not nearly as durable. 

-When either of them get injured Ectoplasm will flood to the site and act as a sort of internal support until the injury heals naturally. So for example, let's say Danny breaks an arm, Ectoplasm will fill in the break and keep the bone held together, and then slowly recede back into the blood stream as the break heals. 

-Another thing to note is that while Ectoplasm based limbs can grow back, living tissue doesn't. If Danny or Vlad lost a limb, they'd probably be able to make an equivalent Ectoplasmic prosthetic while in their ghost forms, but in terms of their human halves that arm or leg would just be gone for good. 

-Internal organs don't grow back either, but Ectoplasm is more than capable of patching up puncture wounds. So if there was every an incident where either of their insides ended up on the outside…well…that missing bit of small intestine is gonna get a glowing green replacement. 

-Danny and Vlad aren't capable of destabilizing into puddles either because of the whole bones and tissue thing, Rather, if they over exert themselves they simply revert back to their human halves and black out for awhile. 

Halfa's and blood type: 

-Vlad's blood type is O-, While Danny's is AB+. Both of them also have Ectoplasm running through their bloodstream and are unable to receive blood from a donor who doesn't also have ectoplasm in theirs. 

-Since Vlad's blood type is that of a universal donor, he'd be able to give blood to Danny, but Danny wouldn't be able to donate to him. If Vlad ever needed a transfusion, he'd have to pull from a supply of his own that was set aside for an emergency.

-Niether of them can donate blood because of its Ectoplasmic content. 

Classifications of ghosts:

deceased soul: most common type of ghost, created from the soul of a living being whose death was either too soon, leaving them with unfinished business, or particularly violent and/or gruesome.

Natural-Born: Sometimes insultingly called Never-Borns, these are Gosts that were born as ghosts and were never actually alive in the traditional sense of the word. Youngblood and the denizens of the Far Frozen are good examples of this type of ghost.

Wraiths / Feeders: Not all deceased souls are feeders, but all feeders are deceased souls. This is a sub class of ghosts that needs to consume some sort of emotional response, along with ecto energy to sustain themselves. Ember, Spectra, and shadow are good examples, As they feed off of admiration, misery, and misfortune respectively. 

Shape-shifters/ blobs: sub class of natural born ghost. These guys have low ecto-energy/ power levels and somewhat unstable physical forms. This allows them to change shape with ease but they also get a lot of shit from other ghosts for being weak. They're a lot smaller than the average ghost and their default shapes don't usually look very humanoid. Examples include: Bertrand, Skulker and Ectopi.

Spirits: Ectoplasmic based entities that represent an idea or concept. For example, Clockwork is the Spirit of time. 

Halfas: Living Humans with fully formed ghost Cores.

Artificial: There are three ghosts that fall under this category, Dani, Dan, and Nurse Good, As they are the only ghosts that were not made by any "natural" means. 

Core bonds and reproduction:

-Okay before anybody asks "dude wtf do you mean ghosts can be born?" 

-Im gonna just. Explain that real quick and get it out of the way, lmao. 

-So, simply put, a natural born ghost is formed when ecto energy from two (or more) ghosts is combined. This is a process that takes an insane amount of energy and really shouldn't even be attempted unless the parents have super high energy levels or a third party who can help out. It's done completely externally and all in one go, so if the energy flow gets cut off before the new ghost's Core is fully formed it WILL destabilize, and there goes all your effort right down the drain. 

-And yes, Halfas can do this too, But they're offspring wouldn't inherit any human features, they'd be full ghost. While I'm on the subject, it's actually the only way Danny or Vlad would be able to have a biological kid. The ectoplasmic radiation from their accidents rendered them both sterile/infertile in the human sense of the word. Danny doesn't menustate anymore, and for lack of better terminology, Vlad is just firing blanks.

-Core bond is just the term for ghost marriage. Bonded ghosts are more in tune with each other than those that aren't,  as they develop a sort of empathic connection with their partner(s). 

-This last thing has absolutely nothing to do with Ghostly biology but I don't know where else to put it so here: 

Esperanto = ghost speak. 

The language was originally created to be easy to learn so as to act as a universal language. Unfortunately the idea didn't catch on IRL, BUT!!!

When you consider the fact that not all ghosts would speak English, it's definitely a good idea for the Ghost Zone to have a universal tongue to get past that language barrier issue. 

The language DOESN'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO BE LEARNED, It's just there. The information is the first thing stored in the Scire. Esperanto can be spoken, written or signed, similar to ASL.

[caramelcal]

The Truth Hurts...{part nine}

Every time your soulmate lies, a mark presents itself on your body. In a world like this, people normally told the truth so that their soulmate didn’t have to deal with the consequences. But your soulmate? They seemed persistent to make your life hell, and mark your body until there was no skin left.

Word Count: 1.8k

a/n: i just finished this but im not gonna keep you guys waiting...i aint saying no more...

Taglist:  (comment if you want to be added, or you can message me) @itsjustmeiguessallrightthen​ @moonbeams-stuff  @cece-lives-here​ @aprilfire18​ @adrianaprox​ @slytherinrising​ @deadric

Warnings: Mentions of death, blood, betrayal, and swearing. 

disclaimer: i do not condone plagiarism on my work at all, this has not been posted on any other platforms, or on tumblr anywhere else but my account (rosemoonmist) if you see anyone plagiarizing mine (or anyone else’s account) please inform the rightful author ! thank you lovelies x

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Corey was dead and now that you stood in the Sinema, seeing the needle go in and Hayden’s eyes fill with mercury, you couldn’t help the shout that came out of your mouth. The Dread Doctors hadn’t been seen in five days, no new chimeras and no deaths but every sense of security that you had felt in Beacon Hills over the past few days was hopelessly ripped away from you at that moment. Not caring about the foe there, you ran towards Hayden who fell to the floor.

Hayden was holding her neck when you and Liam had rushed over to her, her eyes no longer filled with mercury.

“Her eyes,” You spoke, your voice wavering as Scott and Theo came running in, body drowning in worry for the younger girl as you spoke, “they filled with mercury. I saw it, a-and now she looks fine but her eyes-”

“It’s okay, she looks fine, maybe she’ll heal,” Theo replied reassuringly, making you turn towards him. He immediately picked up on your worry, pulling you closer to his side whilst you looked up at him.

“None of the others did, Theo. I can’t deal with another body,” You whispered back, peering up at his blue eyes, making him form a small frown. He knew what you had been through, he knew the pain and suffrage between dead bodies and new threats. He hadn’t seen the pain these troubles inflicted upon you when you first met, but now it was clear as day. The more he got to know you, the more he seen what a toll the bodies took on you, the way the supernatural secret depleted your mental health.

Maybe he should’ve stopped. Seeing the broken look in your eyes, the way your eyes were silently begging him to stop without your knowledge, the way that he felt a small bubbling feeling of guilt as he looked down at you, his soulmate. To be with you he knew he had to stop. But he didn’t.

. . .

“Lydia?” You called out in confusion, your phone up to your ear as you answered the unsuspected phone call.

All you were met with was silence. An impending doom seemed to filter over your head, you knew that the Dread Doctors were attacking, that’s why you found yourself at the school. Yet, it was stupid to be alone but you knew that. Everyone was all over the place and you had hardly heard from anyone all night, which certainly didn’t do anything to calm your nerves.

You just hoped that Lydia would answer, give you some sort of useful information, or just at least let you know that she was alright. That she was safe and well. Alas, you didn’t get that, and instead, you made yet another attempt to get the girl to talk.

“Lydia is everything alright?” You called out, voice loud as you tried to get some sort of reply from your caller, “Lydia?”

No voice came from the other side and nerves and worry etched at your stomach. What if something was wrong? What if Lydia was hurt, or the Dread Doctors had taken her? Yet, your mind didn’t stay on her long as a large and pained howl sounded throughout the air.

The howl was one you had heard before, pain etched through the noise in a way only you could unpick. Eyes wide, you whispered in horror, “Scott.”

. . .

Seeing your unofficial boyfriend’s nails embedded deep into your best friend’s chest caused a scream to come out of you that was unlike anything that they had ever heard. Lydia’s screams, no matter how daunting and loud they were, would never match the utter pain and betrayal in yours. Your legs felt weak, you felt sick and your eyes filled with tears as Theo got up, chest heaving in power.

Before you even had time to be rational, you ran and you punched him in the face. Your other fist came up to strike him again as he caught both of your hands, and you chose to flail your leg out to kick him, one without much power that done zero damage; a lot less than you hoped to cause. You wanted to make Theo feel pain, to equal his physical pain to the emotional pain he had caused you, and for the killing of your best friend.

His eyes still glowed yellow, and your breath caught in your throat as you stared at him, his claws which were covered in your best friend’s blood gripping tightly onto your wrists with no plans to let go. You were elevated above the ground, and legs flailed with the best attempt to escape but it was futile. Eyes staying focused on him you spoke, tears building up thickly, “You bastard.”

“I’m sorry this is how it had to be, y/n,” Theo replies coolly, with no guilt in his voice. He didn’t care, he had consciously killed Scott for no reason and you would never forgive him for this. Ever.

“It never had to be like this, nothing ever justifies this,” You spat back, tears clouding your vision and blocking your throat whilst you stared down at the corpse of one of your best friends.

“You’ll understand, y/n/n, you’ll understand one day,” Theo said before dropping his grip on you, going to walk away from you and out of the library, completely unbothered by the destruction he had caused.

“That’s my best friend, you dickhead!” You ran up behind him, shouting at the top of your lungs making him stop in his tracks, “You, you were supposed to be our friend, I’ve known you since we were kids...How could you do this?”

Theo looked over his shoulder at you before slowly turning around looking down at you with a dangerous look in his eyes. He stalked towards you, his stance wide, almost intimidating, “He was your best friend. Not anymore. There was no room for him in my pack.”

You maintained eye contact with him, e/c eyes trying to look into the blue eyes despite the darkness in the room. It was several moments before you spoke again, your voice bitter as you asked, “Your pack?”

“Yes, y/n, my pack,” Theo replied with a slight nod of his head, walking even closer to you until your bodies were leaning against one another; barely leaving any room for breathing as you stared up at him. He peered down at you, before flashing his eyes at you, his voice stony like he was trying to enforce power, “I’m your alpha now.”

He ducked his head down so that it was closer to yours, his eyes no longer glowing whilst you guys stood in silence. The tension was thick as you looked back up at Theo, feeling his breath fan across your face, almost as if he was going to kiss you. Then, he started to lean in, your lips slowly reaching each other before his face was flung to the side.

You took a step back, your hand still held up after the action you had just indulged in as you stared at Theo with wide eyes, for a human you surely put a lot of force into that slap.

“Let’s get one thing clear, Theodore. You are and will never be my alpha.”

His hand hesitated but he lifted it to his face, touching the area that was already starting to mark red of where you slapped, before an annoyed smirk made its way onto his face, making him laugh. The laugh was chilling but you didn’t care at that moment, you would not back down no matter what. Not after what he did to Scott. Theo could kill you right here, right now, if it meant that you didn’t have to join his pack.

He looked back at you, his face now annoyed as he pointed at you. You weren’t sure if he was annoyed that you slapped him, or if you had slapped him and in the process rejected his kiss, but that didn’t matter either. He bared his teeth slightly as he talked, taking one step forward but still maintaining a distance between the two of you, “You act like this right now, Princess, but in the end, you’ll be by my side.”

“In your fucking dreams, Raeken,” You spat out, anger filling every atom of your being. You had been expecting Theo to argue again with you, but he just smirked and walked out without another word, leaving you to drown in the betrayal and grief he had left behind.

The silence that filled the room was deafening, and a sick feeling rose to your throat as you turned around, now facing the steps. Taking steady steps forward, trying to support yourself before you fell to the ground from weak legs, you reached him, bending down and taking one of his hands in yours.

“Scott?” You said, shaking his body as tears came to your eyes. Your heart sunk when you didn’t get a response from the boy, and you shook him again, but with this time you shook him wildly, trying to scare him out of whatever haze he was in, “Scott!”

“Please Scott you gotta answer, wake up, please,”

Cradling your best friend’s body was not something that you ever wanted to do. Your arms were wrapped around Scott’s body, your head against his as you let out the tears, and despite the sobbing now over with, the tears never stopped. You were all alone, the warmth from Scott’s chest gone and leaving behind only a coldness that could never be filled by anyone else.

Ten minutes. That’s how long that you were cradling Scott’s body before Melissa showed up, and when you saw her, you couldn’t even speak. Your throat closed up as she saw the boy in your arms, eyes sheathed with tears that would be let out until the late hours of the night, heart too heavy to support itself.

She ran over, positioning him on the ground and pushing her hands onto his chest in rapid and quick motions. Opening your mouth to talk, you hesitated as you watched the mother try to grab some tiny piece of life out of her son, to pull it back out so he could hug her one last time, and your eyes got even glassier, “What are you doing?”

“Trying to bring my son back.”

“His heart stopped beating fifteen minutes ago. You can’t bring back someone who’s already dead.” You shook your head, eyes falling to your lap which was covered in your best friend’s blood.

“He isn’t dead. He’s my son. He’s an alpha!”

But was he really?

[thisdreamplace]

I think yes, i deserve to be free of this. It really is me bearing these burdens. After i wrote to u, i had a realisation,, i imagined what do i want from them nd it was like i want them to see how much pain i m in coz of THEIR conscious actions... I realized i want THEM to pity me, as pathetic as it sounds. yes i deserve to allow me to be happy no matter whos sayjng what to me. ik im fixating on them, they're my world, my twisted, pain filled world. when the strange thing is my world is what i think of me? is that right?

i dont want to feel this way anymore. how do i put the focus off off what they're doing or not doing? off the memories nd off my body nd mind's reactions to them?

thank you for the comforting words. i want to apologize for the message. Idk if its a good or bad habit, but i dont show ppl how much they hurt me irl, sometimes im irritable but i never show my weak vulnerable side to them and it got too much for me then, so i had to clutch at a straw. But this means I tklerate too much ig. They say u can't heal from the place of sickness but im scared,, what if i don't change inside and then even if im independent i may have these same patterns in people? like at school. i have a deep fear of just existing. ive always thought others have a right to exist to do whatever they want no need to justify, but somehow i cant ever find the courage to do that for myself?

first i don't want tk give the duo so much standing that im havjng misery on my own based on their actions to me. so how could i do that, how could i start? im not looking for a quick fix, but for this change, does it mean me expressing thjngs they want to hear or changing my values? So they don't do that to me? In fact, do u think, is it possible I'm not getting this 'treatment' coz of something I am but coz of what I secretly expect from them?! 😦

second: is everything i have seen in ppl reflecting me inside? that is neville's concept that u reap what u sow. Is it possible for someone to have someone who's evil to them, become nice? Without saying anything to them? i also am realizing rn that i m still subconsiously searching for someone to blame! Ur right! There's no wrong or right. only me nd a deep loneliness ig. I don't mean it in a victim way. This time :) It's terrifying to think we realy are alone to reap what we sow

😶

yeah, your world is what you think of you... in relation to the world and everyone in it. so you see yourself as this person who gets treated this way, you see your family as people who act this way, it all comes together to become your experience.

if i was you, i would just take a step back... internally. because perhaps you cannot escape them physically, maybe you live with them. that isn't a barrier between you and freedom unless you make it so. you have to let yourself feel bad, think the thoughts, wallow in victimhood, but each time you do that fall back into your power. in other words, surrender. "i dont want to feel this way anymore, it's time to feel better (so i won't give in to these feelings willingly anymore)." "love is behind all of this behind, love is waiting for me." "i am supported by the godself within, i am okay." idk, these type of thoughts can help you through it. they help me. so it's just a suggestion. you've clearly held onto this for a while, you've experienced it for years, and it sounds like you're have this painful story in a chokehold. like you arent exactly ready to let it go, but you're also interested enough to begin finding inner freedom. and that interest will guide you. find the light of it even during the darkest moments. it's time to allow yourself to heal, for you. let the facts remain and let your faith to your inner world be your guide through this.

its okay to send this type of message. sometimes we have to vent it out and we open our own eyes through it. the habit you mentioned, it's a neutral habit. you're the one who essentially decides if it's bad or good. it's really unimportant though. we can sit here and think about our habits and how they have got us to Y which lead us to X and perhaps it explains Z. or we can just accept, "okay this was my habit. this was my story i held onto tightly. i dont want to anymore. it's time to change."

if you don't change inside, it will have been a choice rather than something you just couldn't do. so it's not really anything to worry about. don't settle for less, make the decision to change because you have no choice but to anymore. it's time.

in my opinion, wondering about why and how is a detour, when there's an easier way to get to the end destination. how do you want to feel? and practice staying there. don't ask for permission, don't expect anyone to help you get there. (i am guilty of this, wanting someone to change so i can finally feel better... no. i have to change, then i can finally feel better. this goes for all of us.) if you have a human moment where you feel like speaking your mind, okay. we are human. the human experience won't stop the inner world, because we are always experiencing the contents of our inner world. simply get into the habit of experiencing a more beautiful inner world, more frequently.

yeah, everything you have seen in people is reflecting you inside. that's actually the only explanation for it. there is no other reason. now, don't get confused. this doesn't always mean, "so i am a terrible, mean-hearted person just like them?" no, people also can only reflect who you think THEY ARE. so when you see someone as toxic, of course, they will play the role of the toxic person. and you just see yourself as the person who is as the receiving end of that kind of behavior. so yeah, that stands to reason a person can become loving, beautiful, and wonderful to you without you saying a word to them. you didnt have to ask them to become terrible, you don't have to ask them to become loving either.

yes, it can feel scary to reap what you sow on your own. because we are all imagination, we have to imagine better. no one can help us to do so. it's heavy sometimes, but the thing is you don't have to do this overnight. it's okay to breathe, it's okay to start with you. you don't have to worry about changing anyone else. worry about changing you, let yourself feel those things you've been refusing to let yourself feel because of others. it's time to free yourself.

plus, i find it helps you don't have to carry the burden of "i am god" that sometimes comes when you are starting in a lower place. sometimes "i am god" feels more suffocating than liberating, when you already feel so out of control. it's okay to think, "i am god's child" "i am supported by unconditional love within" or things like that. as one of my wonderful friends once said, "sometimes you have to fall, and let your godself catch you." (@astraldoll) it may feel heavy, but let limitless love be your guide.

i will link this article, i have linked many times, because it's so relevant. this person didn't ask for permission from her family to feel better, she decided to. she didn't even bother to try and change them. she just changed herself and because of her refusal to accept less from her family, they changed too. because people can only reflect you.

No One to Change But Self

i can't wait to hear about how you successfully transformed your life 💖

[cassyapper]

jotaro kujo song analysis: “eight” by sleeping at last

i could not figure out what the fuck to title this for a long time. please forgive me ik it’s awkward but it’s the best i got

anyway the song “eight” by sleeping at last made me mentally ill so let’s get into why <3

here’s a link to the song: https://youtu.be/obi4KCh6eHQ

here’s a link to the lyrics i referenced: https://genius.com/Sleeping-at-last-eight-lyrics

be warned there are part 3, part 4, part 5, and part 6 spoilers in this

with that let’s begin.

“I remember the minute;/it was like a switch was flipped --/i was just a kid who grew up strong enough/to pick this armor up,/and suddenly it fit” Lengthy first line to start this on i know but cutting it up didn’t make sense so please forgive me… Alright let’s get to the meat of this hm? This line is about when jotaro first manifested star platinum. “I remember the minute, it was like a switch was flipped” fits perfectly with how suddenly and obviously star platinum became known to its user, as jotaro first manifests it when he’s in the middle of a fight, a fight star platinum ends very quickly and brutally. The “i was just a kid who grew up strong enough to pick this armor up” is about jotaro having the willpower to control a stand such as star platinum and not get ill over it. He “grew up strong enough to pick this armor up”, this armor being star platinum (which, yes, star platinum is armor more than a weapon because its strength is used to protect. This is stated explicitly in the jin hashimoto song “star platinum” which was written specifically with jotaro/star platinum in mind, as the title suggests). It also shows how young jotaro was re the “kid” description; he was only 17, the youngest jojo up to that point. the “and suddenly it fit” also mixes with how suddenly star platinum manifested, particularly how jotaro gained passable control over it very quickly

“God, that was so long ago, long ago, long ago…/I was little, I was weak, I was perfectly naive,/and I grew up too quick.” Another long line im sorry it just doesnt make sense to cut it up 😭 Anyway this is part 6 jotaro reflecting on his past self, PARTICULARLY part 3 jotaro, which explains the “god, that was so long ago, long ago, long ago…” segment “I was little, i was weak, i was perfectly naive” is kinda gold coming from part 6 jotaro cause end of part 3 jotaro is canonically when he’s at his strongest but i dont think part 6 jotaro is talking about star platinum in this line. He’s talking about jotaro being tactless and rude and pushing away his loved aways in a disillusioned attempt to keep them safe. By part 6, jotaro has to have known his coping mechanism of self-imposed isolation wasnt fair to his loved ones/himself and it clearly didnt WORK as evidenced by jolyne’s situation, so he’s cursing his younger self for it here. Hence, the calling of part 3 jotaro “little, weak, perfectly naive.” part 3 jotaro starts making the bed that part 6 jotaro ends up having to lay in and he hates him for it. The “and I grew up too quick” part is jotaro acknowledging his trauma. Even before part 3 started jotaro clearly had issues and they just kept building and building and building from part 3 and on. Combined with his self-imposed isolation, jotaro had to grow up quick to survive, and this line is part 6 jotaro reflecting on that

“Now you won’t see all that i have to lose,/all i’ve lost in the fight to protect it.” Remember the self-imposed isolation i mentioned in the last line? This line is about why jotaro does that. He hates being vulnerable. He hates relying on others. We only see him comfortable trusting others to take care of things ONCE the entire series, during the steely dan arc, when he believes in kakyoin’s abilities to keep joseph safe and get the lovers out of him safely. ONCE out of the four parts he’s featured in, out of the three he’s prominent in. jotaro does this, as i previously mentioned, out of a disillusioned attempt to keep those he loves safe, hence the “now you won’t see all that i have to lose” line. This behavior is solidified in jotaro at the end of stardust crusaders, when the two final times he tried to trust that others would handle it resulted in the deaths of over of half those he cared the most about (he may have gotten joseph back, but don’t forget that joseph did actually die). Thus, this decisive night ties into the “all i’ve lost in the fight to protect it” line. He’s lost loved ones but he won’t lose them again, not in the same way at least. Ironically, the self-imposed isolation only puts his loved ones and himself in danger, but i can get into that later.

“I won’t let you in, i swore never again --/i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” This line kinda ties back with what i was mentioning in the last line, but it hones it a bit more on jotaro’s complete denial of being vulnerable rather than how he acts to ensure he isnt such. “I wont let you in, i swore never again” is a direct tie-in for how jotaro feels after stardust crusaders; he is never going to get as close to anyone or anything the way he was close to the crusaders ever again. Nothing is ever going to matter to him the same way and he is going to make sure of that, as the “swore never again” implies, because he is certain, at least at first, that this will keep others safe. The “i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” part goes into how selfish and arrogant jotaro’s mentality is. Don’t get me wrong, jotaro’s self-imposed isolation can be seen as selfless, especially because the main driving force behind it is to keep others safe -- but it’s not the only force driving it. Like i said, jotaro doesn’t want to be vulnerable, and to be sure he doesnt feel that way, he needs to ensure he won’t be hurt. Can’t be sad when people die if you were never close to them, right? So as much as it is to protect others, he also is protecting himself by closing off from others. It’s also arrogant of jotaro to assume he is the deciding factor of who lives and dies, that he gets to choose/manipulate the cycle of life and death by deciding on if he opens up to others. Jotaro had this mentality of being a “deciding factor” shoved into his head during the journey to egypt, and that kinda warps his worldview as a result; everything must be his fault. Things go bad surely because he let them somehow. And it’s not jotaro’s fault he’s ill in the head like this but it is still arrogant, and the “i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” line attests to this.

“I want to break these bones until theyre better/i want to break them right and feel alive” Oh jotaro you have the shittiest fuckign coping mechanisms Alright. “I want to break these bones until theyre better” ties into jotaro throwing himself into dangerous situations alone. He’s just so so damn convinced he can handle everything himself -- bc again, he is led to believe he is the deciding factor of life and death -- he just has to try. If things go wrong, it’s bc he didn’t try hard enough, hence the “break these bones until theyre better”; jotaro will hurt himself and will be convinced he deserved it until he “learns” how to be perfect like he’s “supposed” to be. But being perfect isnt something you can learn, you mentally ill motherfucker jotaro. anyway “I want to break them right and feel alive” ties into the fact jotaro would rather break his body over and over and over rather than tell his loved ones he cares. The only right way to be hurt to him is taking a hit that was meant for those he loves. Jotaro is very much a man of action rather than a man of word, and this line is about his rather unique way of acting (that is, getting beat the fuck up over and over) Basically jotaro can’t tell the people he loves that he, well, loves them, unless he is literally dying. Examples of what i mean: jotaro preferred going on a perilous, 50-day journey to just telling holly he loved her; jotaro preferred getting beat over the head with a rock in the lovers arc rather than risk hurting joseph; jotaro preferred to literally get blown up by sheer heart attack rather than tell koichi to his face he is a good kid; jotaro stepped knowingly into a trap for jolyne and had to literally believe he was in fact saying his last words before he uttered “i’ve always cherished you.”

“You were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong --/my healing needed more than time” Oh my GODDDddDDDdcdd im sobbing as i type jotaro your head is so so damn ill Okay so i see him spitting this line towards joseph. Let me explain Joseph would no doubt pick up on jotaro’s ptsd and he’ll do his best to console jotaro over the deaths of their friends. But see joseph is ALSO an ill in the head idiot whose idea of therapy is electroshock and who calls ptsd “shell shock”. So all he can offer to jotaro is “youll feel better in time” because that was kinda true for him; he managed to move on in time. What joseph fails to realize is what made him feel better was not time, but the support of those remaining in his life (lisa lisa, suziq, erina, smokey). But jotaro listens and tries to give it time but the thing with jotaro is he just gets worse and worse as time wears on because he deliberately cut himself off from anyone who could console him (as well as got continually traumatized throughout his life), so time never helped but actually made things worse. Thus jotaro spitting “you were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong, my healing needed more than time”. In terms of timeline, probably happens right after part 5 jotaro stares longingly at the crusaders picture

“When i see fragile things, helpless things, broken things/i see the familiar” Im sorry every new line i start to analyze i begin crying so im just letting you all know incase the coherency takes a dip (as if this was coherent in the first place lmfao) Anyway so this line in relation to Jotaro is about how he projects HARD on the new generation. We see this w his interactions w josuke and koichi, the “fragile things” (there is no way he didnt see koichi as a filler for kakyoin im sorry. Also he just wants josuke safe with his friends like how he wished he was safe with his own friends as a teenager), how he was wary of giorno, “the helpless things” (jotaro is scared he’ll be similar to his dad, just like jotaro is similar enough to dio to share the same stand power…), and his interactions w jolyne, “the broken things” (angry teen in a prison? Come now). 

“I was little, i was weak, i was perfect too/now i’m a broken mirror” Throwback to the second line. Once again part 6 jotaro is reflecting but the difference here is that part 3 was when jotaro was last unashamedly happy, but more than that, part 3 jotaro was on his way to healing before everything went to shit. like i mentioned earlier, jotaro only relies on someone else completely once, and that happens in part 3. Jotaro is finally able to trust in someone else’s capabilities, which is what he needed to do before he could allow anyone to help him with the weight of the world on his shoulders. Hence, why part 6 jotaro would describe him as “perfect”; because he would’ve been perfect enough if he could just trust in others like that again But as the line suggests, that went wrong. Jotaro is now a “broken mirror,” which alludes to the fact that while he projects onto the kids, the kids (the ones that know him at least) project onto him as well, especially jolyne, because in part 6 she finally figures out her dad’s thought processes, as she is experiencing those patterns of thinking too. Jotaro is a role model for them in the sense of “see him? Do the opposite of what he did” KJ;DNJ;DN;SN

“But i can’t let you see all that i have to lose/all that i’ve lost in the fight to protect it” Same meaning as before mostly but the repetition is important me thinks because it mimics jotaro like frantically trying to remind himself why he must be distant when all he wanted to do was go home to jolyne and be her father

“I can’t let you in --/ i swore never again,/ i can’t afford to let myself be blindsided” This means roughly the same thing as the previous line that’s similar to this, but the “i can’t afford to let myself be blindsided” is less about jotaro’s selfishness/arrogance and more about how he believes enemies will use his loved ones against him and how goddamn, it would work, it would work so well because jotaro loves so, so damn much It’s a shame distancing himself didn’t work the way he wanted it to and ended up making his loved ones even more vulnerable than they would have been otherwise

“I’m standing guard,/i’m falling apart/and all i want to do is to trust you” (Begins screaming and doesn’t stop) okay so this line is about jotaro and jolyne during the beginning of stone ocean “Im standing guard” alludes to the fact that jotaro is still desperately trying to appear distant and uninterested even as he attempts to break his fucking daughter out of prison “I’m falling apart” ties into jotaro failing miserably at remaining cold towards jolyne, how he eventually caves in and tells her he loves her in addition to taking a literal bullet for her, using time stop to ensure he can make it to her to do so. and also this line ties into how he is literally physically shot and how his memories and stand are taken from him “And all i want to do is to trust you” is directed towards jolyne of course. God his whole “i’ve always cherished you” ties in with this line; like i mentioned earlier, jotaro by part 6 knows his self-imposed isolation is useless, but old habits die hard and also he was in very deep by the time he accepted there was no reason to go in the first place at all. So he doesn’t know how to change, he doesn’t know how to trust jolyne, it’d been 20ish years since he last trusted someone completely, but god he wants to. He wants to trust her. It’s all he wants to do hence this line

“Show me how to lay my sword down/for long enough to let you through” So continuing from the last line, jotaro just wants to let jolyne in. he wants to learn how to do that. I think this line is actually directed towards his younger self; 17 year old jotaro managed to let in a person once, after all (more than one person in fact, but all the crusaders). This would also make more sense w my interpretation of how part 6 jotaro calls part 3 jotaro “perfect” in this regard Essentially it’s jotaro thumbing through his memories to figure out how his past self gathered the security to trust in someone else wholeheartedly...which makes the fact that pucci steals his memories particularly fucked up in this context

“Here i am, pry me open/what do you want to know?” Another line directed toward jolyne. “Here i am, pry me open” refers to how after jotaro tells jolyne he cherishes her, all cards are on the table. He’s shown vulnerability, might as well go full throttle. So, he’s willing to talk to jolyne for the first time ever, especially because she’s a stand user now “What do you want to know?” ties into jotaro being willing to open up, but also the fact that jolyne doesnt really know her dad ):

“I’m just a kid who grew up scared enough/to hold the door shut/and bury my innocence” Hhnghg begins wailing this line is again about post-egypt jotaro. A lot of jotaro’s like...emotional maturation (and even some physical) occurred during the trip to egypt and immediately afterward. he’s in pain and desperately trying to rationalize a way he can be in control of never letting something like what happened in egypt happen again, hence the “im just a kid who grew up scared enough” “To hold the door shut” refers to how jotaro cut off other people, even the people who used to know him very well, like joseph and polnareff and holly “And bury my innocence” i mentioned this in another line but this bit also refers to how jotaro had to grow up quickly to survive, considering his self-imposed isolation and his life path of chasing down dio’s remnants

“But here’s a map, here’s a shovel/here’s my Achilles’ heel” This line is SUPPOSED to be directed toward jolyne but inadvertently it is also directed toward pucci. When jotaro says fuck it and gives up on his pretense of disinterest in jolyne, finally letting her know he loves her, he’s finally building the frame of a bridge to jolyne; he’s ready to do what he’s wanted to for so long, no matter how vulnerable it makes him, and that is to be jolyne’s father. However, pucci takes note of this; he knows to aim for jolyne in the final battle because of jotaro’s earlier actions when he tries breaking jolyne out of prison. It really is a shame how the narrative keeps fucking enforcing jotaro’s shitty self-imposed isolation

“I’m all in, palms out, i’m at your mercy now and i’m ready to begin/i am strong, i am strong, i am strong enough to let you in” Hmm i imagine this line being when jotaro meets back up with jolyne after he gets his memory disk back. The first thing he does is hug her and cradle her close to him, showing off to the world, right in front of pucci, how much his daughter means to him. But jotaro, at least for the moment, is not scared to be vulnerable anymore. Ever since he decided to give up his cold facade, he was ready to let jolyne in, and he finally has the chance to do that at least a little right before the final battle, which is what this line is about

“I’ll shake the ground with all my might/i will pull my whole heart up to the surface” Final battle in stone ocean,,, What the “i’ll shake the ground will all my might” line refers to is jotaro’s willingness to use star platinum the world during the battle. He’s ready to go all in to save the world, and most importantly, save jolyne, even if he has to use the source of his greatest trauma to do it. Jotaro’s a key player and he knows it, has known it for a long time, and this time he’s going to use that for his happy ending. And well, as i mentioned in the last line, jotaro’s done with the self-isolation and throws himself into the role of jolyne’s father, at least as much as he has the right to throw himself into. This is mostly what the “i will pull my whole heart up to the surface” line refers to

“For the innocent, for the vulnerable/i’ll show up to the frontlines with a purpose” More stone ocean final battle. The “innocent and vulnerable” jotaro is showing up for are jolyne, namely, but also hermes and emporio, and beyond that, the world. Jotaro understands how serious this is and he’s always been a force meant for protection, so he is here to do just that, which is what the “i’ll show up to the frontlines with a purpose” line refers to. Jotaro doesnt believe he’s a good person -- and he might not be, in the grand scheme of things -- but he does fight for what he believes is right, he always has, he mentions this way back in stardust crusaders during his fight with kakyoin. He’s never going to let injustice stand, especially not when he knows he’s such a key player

“And i’ll give all i have, i’ll give my blood, give my sweat --/an ocean of tears will spill for what is broken” This line actually applies to all the “final battles” jotaro has been involved in; part 3, part 4, and part 6. Jotaro, as i mentioned in the last line, has a strong sense of justice and is a force that first and foremost tries to protect, which the “i’ll give all i have, i’’l give my blood, give my sweat” part of this line refers to. Jotaro gives his all, has given his all, to rid the world of dio’s influence, he ruined his entire fucking life to do so, and this line gives credence to that. “An ocean of tears will spill for what is broken” refers to jotaro mourning all the what-ifs in his life, which are all tied with how the outcomes of these final battles go. If part 3 didnt end the way it did, jotaro would know how to trust still, he wouldve been happy even, maybe he wouldnt have had to sacrifice the rest of his life to dio; if part 4 didn’t end the way it did, maybe jotaro couldve gone home to his daughter, maybe he couldve been a bit of a better dad (this is because kids were involved in part 4 even if they didn’t try to because stand users attract stand users, and jotaro couldnt risk doing that to his daughter, so he ends up never coming home); and now for part 6, jotaro hopes that if it ends just a little better than the previous two, jotaro could at least died a satisfying death of sacrificing himself for jolyne, or maybe even got a chance to try mending his relationship with jolyne if they both survive

“I’m shattered porcelain, glued back together again” So this line speaks to both physical and emotional states Jotaro was physically “shattered porcelain” when he lost his stand and memory and also was shot, and he was “glued back together again” when he got medical attention and jolyne got back his disks Jotaro was emotionally “shattered porcelain” due to the fact he couldnt trust anyone completely since he was 17 goddamn years old but he’s “glued back together again” in the sense he’s ready to finally, finally try and be vulnerable in order to save his relationship with jolyne

“Invincible like i’ve never been” This line hurts so fucking much because i believe jotaro was optimistic, all things considered, at the beginning of the final fight in stone ocean. After all, he knows he’s an important figure in all this, he has his stand disk and memories back, he and jolyne and the others have a plan, and he has a future he wants to fight for in addition to the world’s continued functioning So he feels “invincible” like he’s never felt before because not even during the part 3 final battle with dio did he have the hope for the future he has now. But then. Then pucci brings out the knives. And the man who could control time never had enough in the end. He dies and cant even save jolyne with his death. The world ends. He failed. I think this is perfectly represented with how suddenly the song ends. It just perfectly encapsulates the tragedy that is jotaro kujo and i cant stop fucking thinking about it

thanks for reading all this if you did. jotaro kujo makes me feel mentally ill

[rosealine-bishop]

Greaseball Headcanons

Okay so, @marastriker and I were talking last night about some GB headcanons. Not all were happy. But Im of the strong belief that no one starts out being the way they are and that their circumstances change and make them the way they are. So, playing off of that, here are some headcanons I've got about GB. (Some HCs may be familiar because they're also on this post here since they and I also were talking about other things and got to talking about potential kids and how GB & Dinah + Electra & CB would be as parents)

Anywho, I've talked about the background long enough, let's get to the main post.

(Might make this a two parter because it genuinely gets so so long)

(also @sweet-dining-car this is the post I mentioned)

TW: abuse, alcoholism, death, violence

So, for starters, GB wasn't always the way he is now. (Even now he actually deflects and has created this persona of a meathead who can be a total dick, but genuinely he's just a soft and nice guy at heart) Back when he was a kid, he actually was the cutest and sweetest kid out there. He was always so nice to all the other trains, and acting as a protector for all of the other trainlets (even if he was the runt of the litter. He just wanted to be like his favorite super hero: Captain America)

He would always be seen trailing Poppa or getting the most upset and doing his best to cheer up Poppa whenever he was having a bad day or looked even the slightest bit upset.

On that same note, Momma to him was like a second mother and both her and Poppa were the perfect relationship. (yes in my HCs Momma and Poppa exist together and same for the Hip Hoppers and the Rockies)

Unfortunately, at home, it wasn't as good as he could imagine it was in the train yard. At home, his dad was the biggest homophobic and toxic masculine guy you can image. A raging alcoholic with gigantic anger issues. He would constantly beat GBs mom and sometimes GB too.

His dad believed that BECAUSE he was the runt, that constant abuse would make him stronger. GB used to be the biggest cry baby but through years and years of abuse, would learn to hide it and "be a man"

His mother would sneak in some vinyls she managed to get for GB of Elvis or Frank Sinatra or anyone else she could find and she would help him hide everything when his dad would get home from work.

GB has always had a soft spot for dining cars because his mom worked close by them and he would sometimes visit her at work when he was way younger.

GB isnt actually straight. He's bi but represses it and hides behind the toxic masculinity because he made the mistake of telling his dad when his dad had a good week and he was almost beaten within the edge of his life. (and since that day, the abuse towards him was actually way worse)

GB would hide any of the abuse behind clothing and sunglasses and a cool guy persona. He would use it to deflect and pretend that nothing was wrong at home.

Eventually when GBs parents split (which was close to him turning 18), his dad managed to convince the court that his mom was unfit to be a parent. (Him and his mom talked about it before and agreed that in the end if the court asks GB his opinion on where he wants to live, he would choose his dad and then go find her when he turns 18. Because that way it would be best for the two of them)

So, at 18 he left without telling anyone and went to go find his mom. However, he never did and in fact found out about the fate of his mom from a phone call, telling him that she was found beaten to death. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened.

GB actually blames himself for his mother's death, but like a good son, uses whatever money he had earned to give his mom a proper burial.

When he has to go back to get her personal belongings, he takes all the photos and rips his dad out of all of them and hangs them around his small one bedroom apartment. He even managed to find some old recordings of his mom singing and some old home videos. (he cherishes those and will play them when he's sad so that he never forgets his mom. and in a way he always has a part of her with him)

He actually is really good at metal working (thank you mara for this headcanon) so he uses his skills to make his necklace from one of his mom's old earrings so she's always with him and in a way that necklace becomes his lucky necklace in all his early races.

Speaking of races, his first race outfit wasn't the best quality at all. He didn't have much so he created the whole outfit from scratch and he actually used to hide his face no matter what, behind a poorly made train helmet, to hide from the risk of his dad finding him.

The longer he was away from that situation, the more he actually would hide behind the early version of the persona that he has now. He's always idolized Elvis and he holds a spot close to his heart for the singer, that he started slowly changing his appearance to look more like Elvis.

He started working out so he would never be seen as weak ever again.

Eventually, he made a big enough name for himself that he would get interviews on TV every now and then and that's how his dad found out about him still being alive. At first it didn't really click in his dad's head but the moment GB started speaking, his dad knew exactly that that was his son. (Yes he sounded more like Elvis but a father never forgets his son's voice)

So, his dad, as an anonymous donor, asked a young CB to crash GB in the next race. CB, not one down to turn down money did just that. And yes, that whole interaction had put GB out of many races and caused him to pawn off any and all belongings to pay for his hospital bills because any small sponsor he had managed to get dropped him.

(No one wants damaged goods)

and while GB is back to normal, he every now and then when he's super stressed, will feel his bones aching, like a phantom injury and he will start limping slightly because he never fully healed from that.

But now that he knew about CB would go to him and ask him to throw races in his favor, sometimes paying in sexual favors, sometimes in actual money. Because otherwise, he felt like he could never be at 100% and would always lose any race after his accident.

He needed the sponsors and money so he would do anything to get back into the top contenders.

He has major daddy issues that he and Dinah have discussed before. She's probably the only one who knows about GBs true past (aside from Pearl and Poppa and Momma)

Because of his trauma, he actually hates hearing even the word "daddy" so one night when CB accidentally lets it slip during one of their sexual encounters, GB slaps him. Thats the only time GB would actually hit anyone.

On that note, GB actually wont ever truly hurt anyone. For all he knew, Rusty actually did crash and all the damage was from that crash. He had no idea the Diesels roughed him up.

But one night when him and Rusty talk and he finds out about what actually happens, Electra has to get his components (namely Krupp and Killerwatt) to hold him back as GB unleashes hell and yells at the diesels. Like there is pure murder in his eyes.

Yes, sometimes GB hurts other trains during races but after every race they get an anonymous donor paying for all the repairs and a letter along with it with a long apology and flowers. (Dinah helps him spell check it)

GB has only cried twice since he was a child. Once when he found out his mother died (and thats the only time he would turn to alcohol. Otherwise he swears off of it completely) and second when he found out Dinah was pregnant.

GB is 100% terrified of thunderstorms because it reminds himself of his old living situation. Often times you can find him hiding in the closet or under the bed, pillows over his ears and under many layers of blankets.

He would actually be one to collect Squishmallows and other stuffed animals because he never got to as a kid. But whenever he gets any stuffed animal, Dinah names them. However, when his kids are born, he gets matching squishmallows with Norma Jean and Presely and names them after his kids. (Thats probably the only time he gets to name any stuffed animal)

GB actually really really loves Dinah. On the yard he may be this dick towards her but the moment he gets home he apologizes to Dinah profusely and will do anything she wants to make up for it.

He would NEVER do anything to hurt her and when she's pregnant will go above and beyond to be there for her. He even went to Dustin to ask for advice and tried to ask him to keep the fact that Dinah was pregnant under wraps (unfortunately, Dustin, being the sweetie that he is, cannot keep it under wraps and eventually the whole yard knows. Poppa actually gives him some of the best fatherly advice.)

When he finds out that Dinah is pregnant, however, he has multiple night terrors about his childhood. He becomes extremely scared that he'd be like his dad and both Dinah and Poppa reassure him that he's nothing like his dad. That in fact, he has more of his mom in him than he realizes. (Dinah even says he looks more like his mom than his dad, even though GB doesnt see it. She's also not one to admit that she actually knows that its true. She's seen a few ripped up pictures in the trash of his dad back when GB and her first started dating.)

Dinah is actually the one who helps GB compile all of the pictures of GB and his mom into a photo album. This photo album eventually has pictures of Dinah and GB and then Dinah, Norma Jean and GB and then Dinah, Norma Jean, GB and Presely. So its just one big happy book about everything right in his life.

One day, he even finds Norma Jean decorating it and Norma Jean, being the little kid she is is worried that her dad was going to be mad because it looks like he had a bad day at the yard and she just touched something that he cherished, even if she was trying to make it pretty, but GB actually tears up at it because its the cutest thing he's seen and now that book is just that much more special to him. He actually gets the whole family to do hand prints on the back and then sign their name underneath (with an addition of him writing "One Big Happy Family" underneath it all)

_________________________________________________________

Okay okay this has to be it for this post because there are just so many more headcanons and I wanted to end it on a happier note. So if anyone wants to know more I'll create a part two but for now this is what we've got because good god is it long.

[yn-dreamlife]

Can you hear me?

Bakugo Katsuki x reader (hero name: Elementas)

Quirk: Quantification of Emotions (shorten to QoE), basically whatever emotion your feeling strongest (out of six) will allow you to control that element. Your hair also changes to that color. 

Emotions: 

Anger, vivid red, wind

Sadness, pastel blue, water

Longing/Love, white, light

Happiness, pink, fire

Loneliness, black, darkness

Confusion/Anxiousness, green, earth  

Summary: There was a villain attack and as your about to die you think of your last words to Katsuki.

warings: yelling, swearing, angst, like ANGST, character death, blood, villan attack, blood, depression, fluff?

Song: Train Wreck, James Arthur  (I hope that works, I've never done this before) 

Word count: 3206

Laying in the silence Waiting for the sirens Signs, any signs I'm alive still

Coughing I look around me. “Wha-” I place a hand on my forehead feeling a liquid underneath my palms. “What’s happening?” I speak as my ears ring and I see a red fluid on my hand. 

I look around and see the chaos around me. All around me is ruble, I can't see an inch of sky. I look around seeing the dust flying around the air, the small fire scattered around trying to find anything amongst the concrete to consume and stay alive with. 

At least I can't see any civilians around me, thats a good sign. As I continue to assess my surroundings, even with my blurry vision and ringing ears know that the villain is gone, or at least not near me. 

When I finally look down at my own body I wince. There was a giant metal rod sticking out of my abdomen, I guess the adrenaline must be preventing the full brunt of the pain. As I look at it and see the amount of blood being lost I know I won't be saved. 

I don't wanna lose it I'm not getting through this

Tears well in my eyes as the regret swims into my heart. I don't want to die like this. I don't want to die not knowing if everyone is safe. I don't want to die not knowing if Katsuki is okay. I don't want to die in pain. 

Of course every hero knows the risk, we’ve known since we where in high school. But it doesn't mean anyone actively wants this to be there way out. 

Everyone deep down hopes for a peaceful death. Or at least to die with those we love. 

Hey, should I pray? should I pray To myself? To a God? To a saviour who can Unbreak the broken

What if I could make it? What if I scream loud enough? Can I even scream right now? And even if I can who's to say it'll get to the surface? And I would want them to get the civilians first. “Damnit!” I try to yell but all I can manage is a weak whimper. 

“I should be stronger than this!” I said as my throat constricted. ‘God I sound just like Suki.’ the thought of him makes my heart clench. ‘I shouldn't have said all those things. I shouldn't have-’ I was swept up in the memory of my last conversation with him. 

Unsay these spoken words Find hope in the hopeless

“Jesus y/n what is wrong with you?!” He screamed at me. “Like can you calm the fuck down for once?!” 

I scoffed at him whirling around on him. “I need to calm down?! Don’t you tell me to calm down!”

“You're the one who started all of this!” He screamed at me. 

“And you’re the one who flirts with other people!” I fire back. 

He scoffs again, “I wasn't flirting with her! It’s not my fault you're so insecure that you think that you shitty woman!” 

My face drops slightly more sadness seaping into my heart. “Why do you think im so insecure Kasuki? You call me shitty woman every other sentence! You talk about how great other girls are and how strong they are! You-” 

“You know thats just how I am! And I don't talk about them romantically im taking about them from a hero stand point! Shouldn't you be happy now that I don't look down on every single person!” He screamed his quirk popping off in frustration. 

“Yeah I know thats how you are but it still an hurt me you dick! And it’s different when those girls are clearly in love with you!” he scoffs “If you tell me they aren't I swear to god you must be really blind!” I scream again. 

“Of course I don't notice because why would I when I have a girlfriend!|?!” He screams. 

“Do you?!” I shout the words spilling out of my mouth. “Because it doesn't always feel like you want to!” his next words break my heart. 

“Maybe I don't!” I watch his face drop the second the words leave his mouth. “y/n- wait I didn't-” But I cut him off as my alarm goes off. 

“I have to go to work. At least I know they need me.” I whisper bitterly. 

“Y/n wait! We can't leave it like this!” he calls frantically after me. 

“You never had a problem leaving me heartbroken before. Why care now?” and with that I got in my car driving away as the tears streamed down my face. 

Pull me out of the train wreck Unburn the ashes

When I got to work I quickly dismissed anyone at my hero agency as they asked what was wrong. I even ignored Kirishima, who was one of my best friends. “Go ask you ‘Bakubro’” I muttered bitterly at my fellow hero. 

I looked to my side kick, she was nice. She wasn't a cocky self assured teen like me and my classmates where. Both me and her quickly left to patrol. I was happy when she started rambling about the latest guy she found an interest in instead of asking me what was wrong. 

Not that I didn't appreciate my colleagues concern I just didn't want to think about it. Or I didn't want to talk about it, theres no way im not thinking about it. Even now, I couldn't help but tune out my sidekick/intern as my thoughts where consumed with my final words. 

“You never had a problem leaving me heartbroken before. Why care now?” Damnit I know thats not true and yet I still said it. Katsuki always at least texts me after wards, and he’s never left without muttering some form of I love you. I moved to pull out my phone when I suddenly heard screaming. I look up to see five of our most wanted villians up ahead wreaking havoc. I stop my phone Turing to my intern who looks ready to fight.    

Unchain the reactions, I'm not ready to die, not yet Pull me out of the train wreck Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out

”No.” I said placing a hand on her shoulder. She looks at me shocked as I continue. “I need you to help civilians.” 

She hesitates,”But I can help-” 

“I know but these guys are to strong. Please trust me, I want you making it out of this alive. Go help the civilians. If you have to I give you my permission to use your quirk for defense and defense only. Do you understand?” No response 

“Minako!” she stares at me “Please, you're like my kid, don't make me beg.” Tears well in her eyes and she nods before running off and I run onto the scene.

I should have known the second I asked her not to fight that this wouldn't end well. I should of said something to him before I left. I should have- 

  Pull me out, pull me out Underneath our bad blood We still got a sanctum, home Still a home, still a home here

I was pulled from my thoughts as coughs ripped there way through my throat. the pain in my stomach worsening. Was I really going to die like this? Filled with regrets and what ifs? 

No. I still have people to live for. I still have things I need to do, things to say. A man to kiss and marry and love all I can do know is hope. 

‘Please, damnit if someone is out there please help me. I know I don't pray enough, hell I know I don't deserve this but god damnit Im selfish. Im selfish and I want to live longer. I want to get married and have kids. I want to at least kiss him one last time. I don't even have to live, just let me hear him say I love you one last time. let me hold him again.’ 

As these thoughts consumed me I didn't notice the light blooming around me becoming brighter and brighter. 

It's not too late to build it back 'Cause a one-in-a-million chance Is still a chance, still a chance

“Y/N!!” I heard someone scream. “Y/n baby hold on!” he screamed again. My light glowed brighter. 

“Katsuki!” I cried. 

“Thats right! Im here princess I’m gonna get you out of there okay?!” I dint respond knowing he wasn't really answering. 

“Hurry Deku please!” Deku was here? after a moment he spoke again “Riot! Cellophane! Thank god you are here! Please you have to help me I can't blast through the rubble I might crush her!” He cried frantically. 

I saw some rubble begin falling next to me and screamed on instinct. “Oi be careful!!” He screamed. 

“Ground zero!” I heard a familiar voice. 

“S-sensei?!” 

‘What? Easers here? But- he's retired.’ 

“You need to stop shouting, your friends are here trying to help you. We both know they mean her no harm.” I can only assume he nodded because there was no more shouting, but there was also no more anything. Not a single sound. 

And I would take those odds Unbreak Unsay these spoken words

“H-Hello?” I called 

“Don't worry Y/n-chan we’re still here!” I heard deku yell. I sighed relieved. 

“Y/n!” I heard red riot or as I know him Kirishima call out. “Pop quiz whats Eraser heads child named?!” He yells out, and confusion builds in me. 

‘What? He has a kid? Oh my god is the kid here?!’ I thought anxiously. 

“Now!” I hear cellophane or Sero scream and before I knew it the rubble was being ripped away but I saw some coming towards me before I could think I manipulated the earth around me into a ball. 

“Yes!” I heard them all collectively say, except for katsuki. 

“Y/n! You're okay its okay!” He said as I placed the earth back and he ran over to me. He went to touch me but stopped short. “Oh god, princess!” he exclaimed looking down at my abdomen. 

Find hope in the hopeless Pull me out the train wreck 

“We need some help over here! Anyone who has a strong healing quirk get over here now we have a hero down!” He screamed but I didnt care about the pain, I didnt care about the medic. All I cared about was him. 

“You came.” I whispered he looked to me and cupped my cheek. 

“Im always gonna come for you.” He said softly smiling down at me as tears leaked from both our eyes.  

“Im sorry.” I whimper out and he shakes his head. My eyes begin feeling heavier. 

“no no no!” he says shaking me slightly “Don't apologize just keep your eyes open for me, yeah?” 

“Can you hold me?” I whisper. 

“I can't move you if I do-” 

“Please suki, I want to feel you hold me one last time.” I whimper my eyes getting heavier. 

                                                                                       Unburn the ashes Unchain the reactions, I'm not ready to die, not yet

“Well then I have great news, and that’s the fact that I’ll hold you for the rest of our lives but I can't move you princess.” I shake my head smiling sadly. 

“Katsuki.” I hear a soft voice whisper and look to see a teary eyed Kirishima.

“N-no!” he screams at him. “She’ll be fine!” he looks to me now. “you’ll be fine!” I shake my head my hair turning a murky blue. 

He relents and eventually very quickly pulls me off of the pipe. But I don't make a sound, I don't even wince. I don't feel the pain at all my body to numb.  

Pull me out the train wreck Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out                                                              

I smile as he pulls me into his arms, “Thank you.” I whisper. 

“Anything for you princess.” He cups my cheek and wipes the tears that are still slipping from my eyes. 

“Im sorry.” we say in unison. 

“I shouldn't have been so insecure.” I whisper, and he shakes his head.  

“No baby no. I shouldn't have been so insensitive and I shouldn't have said what I said. I never question my love for you, or me wanting to be with you.” He says placing his forehead on my own. 

“I love you.” I whisper. 

a sob leaves his throat. “I-i love you too.” he sobs holding me to him. I try to lift my hand but I can't. I feel a gentle material curling around my wrist and pulling it around his neck. I look to see Mr. Aizawas capture weapon I smile up at him. 

“Damnit where are they!” Katsuki yells pulling away from me. I see a team frantically running to us but before they get to me I feel my eyes growing to heavy. 

“Be happy...Suki” I whisper as the darkness envelops me. 

You can say what you like 'cause see, I would die for you

I, I'm down on my knees and I need you to be my God Be my help, be a savior who canUnbreak the broken

Katsuki watches as you eyes close, “N-No!” He screams. “Hurry up , please!” He calls out to the people who run impossibly quicker. Once they get there and he has to place you down he automatically wants to hold you again. But he's held back and he sees its Deku who’s holding him back. 

He wants to rip his hand off of him but he can't find the strength in himself so he relents and allows the freckled boy to pull him away. He sees his red haired friend and doesn't hesitate to accept the hug he gives him. 

he balls his hands against the gears of his friends hero costume. “Damnit kiri I can't lose her!” he sobs. No one says anything, theres nothing they can say. No words can comfort the fiery blonde except for your own.  

but he does pull away from his friend as he sees them placing you on a gurney and begin rushing away. 

“Wait!” he calls after them. 

“Sir you can't come with us you have to meet us there its to risky!” A female medic says as sets pumping oxygen into your lungs. 

“I can drive you!” He hears a voice behind him say quickly. He turns to see who only to see your side-kick Minako. He nods and quickly runs to her car. 

The drive there was silent, he isn't even mad at her which shocks both of them. She breaks the silence whispering, “She begged me to help the civilians.” he nods still remaining silent. “I should have- I should have been there.” just then a sob rips through her throat. 

Katsuki looks to her remaining silent for a long moment. “She would have been devistated if you had you gotten hurt.” he whispers. 

“huh?” she glances over to him quickly before looking back to the road. 

“she talks about you all the time, she feels a motherly bond to you.” he whispers. 

“s-she was serious about that?” She asks wiping her cheeks.

“Yeah, maybe because she never had a mother figure or maybe because you remind her so much of herself. But she does, and I know she's tankful for all the civilians you helped save.” The girl nods smiling softly.  

Unsay these reckless words (find hope in the hopeless) Pull me out of the train wreck

When they arrive to the hospital they both quickly run to the front desk. 

“Elementas, I need to know what room elements is in!” Bakugo cries. 

“Mr. Ground zero sir you can't see her yet.” the nurse states standing up and stopping him from running off. 

“Why the hell not?!” He screams fist firing off slightly.

“She had to go straight into surgery.” the woman states calmly. Bakugo grunts as he sits down. 

twenty minutes later the same nurse approaches. “Sir they've already set up her room you tow may wait for her there but when they ask you to leave you-” before she could finish Minako interrupts. 

“Understood.” she says quickly. The nurse nods giving them the number and they make there way there. 

It was another half hour when Kirishima showed up with a spare change of clothes for Bakugo and offered to drive Minako home so she could rest. She only left when he promised to keep her updated. He changed into his civilian clothes before he finally sat down on the chair next to the bed you would soon be in and before he knew it he was asleep. 

Unburn the ashes Unchain the reactions, I'm not ready to die, not yet

When he woke he looked around confused but he perked up when he saw a nurse. “Sir we need to get her settled and then you can come back in.” He nods quickly heading back t the waiting room. The quicker he left meant the sooner he would see you. 

It was fifteen minutes later when a doctor approached him. “How is she? Is she okay?” He asks anxious. 

“she sustained grave injuries. A head wound which concussed her. Five broken ribs, a punctured lung. Not to mention the damage from the pipe in her abdomen. But other than these things she is fine.” The doctor said as he walked away. Katsuki quickly made his way back to your room as he saw your eyes blink open. 

Pull me out of the train wreck Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out

“Y/n!” he called happily. You looked pail, and honestly an inch from death, but never in his life had he been so happy to see you. 

You smiled at your boyfriend as he walked into the room. “Suki.” You whispered holding a hand out to him. He quickly came to your side taking it and covering it in kisses before moving up your arm and kissing your face. He placed a loving kiss on your lips before placing his forehead on your own. 

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again.” He whispered. 

You chuckled but winced. “easy there princess your ribs might not be happy with you for a while.” he says cupping your cheek and you nodded. It was a long day between all the visitors. Wether it was a crying Minako who had heart felt apologies and confessions with you. Or a group of your former classmates coming to make sure you where alright. Or even a soft spoke Mr. Aizawa who came once Katsuki had left to get you and himself some food. 

By the end of the day you where exhausted and you where more than happy to allow your boyfriend to carefully lay next to you only intertwining your legs and holding your one hand with his own while the other rested on your cheek. 

“Hey y/n, what you said about me being happy,” Katsuk whispered and you hummed for him to keep going. “I’m going to be... with you.” with a soft exchange of I love you’s and a sweet kiss after that you where both asleep. 

[raysofcrosby]

Chapter 16 Reactions

your reactions literally never fail to make my day/night i swear 😭 i literally look forward to them after every chapter i post bc they’re literally so much fun to read 🥺💛 i screamed back to your reaction underneath the border<3

STOP MATTY BEING A DAD 😭 also omg its adorable in the most sad way that E-man and care are so sad/mope-y and need each other. idk care loves him so much and it’s so obvious that E loves her so much too and i love their relationship. and even though it’s going to need to heal it’s just so sweet that they love each other so much 😭😭😭

MATTY CALLING HER A NUTCASE IM CRYING LAUGHING. akdlakfka not him bumping into E’s head. LMAO E ASKING FOR MIGHT DUCKS “it’ll make my head hurt less” what a little ball of sass i love him.

ETHAN SAYING HE WOULDVE DONE IT WITHOUT THE MILKSHAKES LMAO. and aww matty being like yeah im figuring it out 😭 thats so cute. awwww E getting matty all flustered about a baby. “i give the captain speech to the person or people who need to hear it” yes matty omg 🥵 STOP ETHAN OMG 😭😭😭😭 IM CRYING HES SO PRECIOUS

damn andrew going all out on care. he has a point though. OH THE THOUGHT OF 16 YEAR OLD ETHAN DRIVING ON HIS OWN IM WEAK IDK WHO WOULD BE MORE WORRIED BETWEEN MATT AND CARE. bradys full name lol. the fear that instills.

YOURE KIND OF HIS DAD 😭 “try fully” lmaooo taryn keeping it real. ETHAN LOCKING THE DOOR AGAIN LMAO THATS SO FREAKING FUNNY. STOP THEM SITTING TOGETHER BITCH (lovingly) IM CRYING 😭😭😭 “now you can show me how good of a reader you are” awww dad matty at his best 🥺😭

I KNOW I WAS IN HER BELLY BUT HOW DID I COME OUT IM SCREAMING 💀💀 STOP THEIR TALK OMG IM CRYING I DONT EVEN HAVE WORDS BESIDES IM EMOTIONAL AND CRYING IN MY BED RN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“sure lend me money and i’ll pay you back…eventually” stop hes so cute 😭😭😭 and matt suggesting he pay is SO dad like. also care asking him to come 👀 THEIR FIRST FAMILY HANGOUT 😭😭🥺🥺 AHHH. ETHAN ASKING THEM TO DO THIS EVERY WEEK JUST THE THREE OF THEM YOU BITCH (lovingly) THATS SO CUTE IM LOSING IT. also knowing e-man it’s his plan to get his parents back together 👀

MATTY BEING A DAY WILL ALWAYS JUST BE THE BEST PARTS OF THIS ENTIRE FIC BC HE THINKS HES SO BAD AT IT BUT HE’S ALSO JUST NATURALLY DOING IT. pls ethan and caroline both moping makes me so soft?? like clearly, besides everyone else, it’s really just been the two of them and suddenly they’re not...just right there for the other 🥺😭

OKAY BUT HE HAD TO!!!! she was being crazy and getting in her head and he’s was going to let her know it 😤 she’s a nutcase in an endearing way<33 ETHAN HAS NO FILTER AND WE LOVE IT<3 though i’m sure matt wishes that he did. lmao a polite way of matt telling brady to eff off his cap speech<3

andrew’s like “i’ve been waiting for this moment for so long, time to shine bitches” and he didn’t hold back. BYE I DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT ETHAN GROWING UP AND DRIVING ON HIS OWN (rip that poor soul that has to teach him how 😂) poor brady felt his soul leave his body.

taryn takes no prisoners in the sass competition either 😤 ETHAN SAID “THIS IS MY ROOM NOW GET OUT” literally gave no fucks about locking matt out and matt’s like “uh...excuse me??? this is my house” 😂😂 ETHAN IMMEDIATELY SNUGGLING UP TO MATT’S SIDE?? LOVE IT.

ASKJHGJKDFG I HAD TO PUT IT IN THERE. POOR MATT AND CARE ARE JUST GOING TO BE SO TRAUMATIZED AND FIGHTING OVER WHO ACTUALLY HAS TO TALK TO HIM ABIOUT THAT 😭😭😭 “you do it.” “no, you do it.” “you’re his mom.” “you’re his dad!! he’s a boy!!”

matt’s slowly coming into the dad!mode and bad dad jokes and i’m excited as shit for it 😭 miss caroline!!! did you invite matt for ethan or for you?? 👀 HEHEHEHHEE ETHAN IS SLICK WE ALL KNOW HE DID THAT FOR OTHER REASONS BESIDES GETTING QUALITY TIME 👀

[doyouordoyounot]

sent letter #1

please dont.. i dont think i can play w u anymmore. it's feels wrong for me. i know to myself, little by little, kinakaya ko. sa bawat pagpigil ko imessage ka rin, sagutin mga kwento mo. may sense of relief.. kahit kaunti lang. kasi masakit parin na makita na sa dami dami mong message saakin, mga kwento mo, ni-isa wala akong masagot sayo, ni isa hindi ko hinahayaan sarili ko.. masakit na alam kong mapapagod ka any time soon.. kahit gustong gusto ko parin replyan ka, u know ayoko na bumalik doon kung ganon parin ang situation.

If only u knew.. how much i wanted to reply to you. I really do. But u have someone else... Because of your constant msgs, i tend to forget… That u still have someone else.. i have to keep reminding myself that.. everytime im struggling to not reply.. i have to go thru the painful memories just to help myself say no.. I want to talk to u too, i wanna know how was it w ur mom? Why did u finally say it to her? Did she ask why, did u tell her why, did u tell her about ur new one..? I wanna ask u, what course ur gonna take, why did u change it.. i wanna tell u why did u let the cats mate… Im gonna have a hard time taking care of both and a litter more.. i wanna tell u, but its okay because i love them both.. i want to tell u that i will still see u if u come over here… i wanna tell u i wanna play spellbreak w u too.. i want to ask u how are you feeling, are u taking care of yourself, do u still have fever, are you eating right, are you drinking enough water... i hope u know even tho u dont have me anymore, even tho im not replying, im trying to show u that im here listening to ur stories.. i know i shouldnt anymore.. i know i shouldnt because u still cant let go of her. kahit sa paglaro natin, i know i shouldnt be playing w u.. but i got weak.. sobra yung tibok ng puso ko. hindi ko alam kung kinakabahan o ano. hindi ko pa alam kung bakit, kung dahil ba sa effect ng laht ng sakit na naramdaman ko sayo.. o sa thought na never magiging ako.

masakit at nakakagalit. nagagalit ako sa sarili ko.nafeel ko na ang tanga ko to even feel things from all the messages you sent me.. nafeel ko na ang tanga ko para paniwalaan uli yung mga sinabi mo saakin. na lulubayan mo na kaming dalawa, na kaya mong iwan yung rason kung bakit tayo ganito. kahit mahirap paniwalaan, hindi ko alam.. naniwala parin ako sa araw na yon. nag ka hope nanaman ako.. pero in reality, u will never...I believed u many times, and i got hurt in the process. So no matter how many times u tell me ur gonna do it, actions will speak louder..

at one point, gusto kong maging okay uli, mag move on, para someday, oo, gusto kong bumalik sayo. gusto kong tayo uli, yung masaya, wala ng darating na sakit.. may hope parin ako na someday maging tayo uli.. kahit malayo kana sa mga panahong yon. may hope parin ako na sana.. pero nawala lahat ng yon nung hindi mo kinayang bitawan siya at gawin talaga ung mga pinagusapan natin.

yes, u told me, u miss me.. u miss the comfort i give to you... but that's all u would want, right..? just the feeling of comfort from me.. not the whole me. i feel like im just a leftover u need.... because u already have someone who can make you laugh, who cares more about u, who can talk to you anytime, who gets your vibe more... and as everyday passes, both of your feelings keep growing.. and there's nothing to stop it. i cant do anything about that.. but just accept..

everything is still broken here.. im still healing. playing w u was a step back for me.. im sorry, i gave in. my heart and mind are still not at peace whenever im doing something w u, or just the thought of u near.. i just hope you're always okay.. all i can do is pray and hope that you're taking good care of youreslf.. all i could wish now for us is the what ifs..

please, also, dont forget, always remember.. cats are mine before u leave (including kittens, if there are). that is the only thing that will never change, regardless of the situation. ok?