#but lewis has stood there and explained over and over again both behind closed doors and tv screens

[andromedasummer]

can one of you f1 girlies become a journalist and interview the drivers who refused to take a knee because they wanted to fight racism in a different way/disagreed with how blm went about seeking justice and ask them, now that nearly 3 years have passed since the may protests, what steps they've taken to educate themselves on racism? what actions they've taken to improve things for people of colour within formula one/motorsports as a whole? or how they've gone about promoting racial equity in their own country?

[boldlyvoid]

touch me

spencer reid x reader

Summary: Spencer is incredibly touch-starved and hard on himself since coming home from prison. Luckily, the medical examiner in this small town is really good at reading people, and exactly what he needs.

warnings: mentions of cases, insecurity issues, female reader, smut, blowjobs, riding, praise, emotional hurt/comfort. emotional sex, strangers to lovers, hook-ups,

word count: 5.8k

They had been in New Mexico for almost a week, solving a series of murders that seemed to have no end in sight. There was nothing they could do but go back to their hotels to sleep, hoping there’d be a connection in the morning.

Spencer and JJ were sharing a room as the small town hotel didn’t have accommodations for everyone that was visiting to help with the case. They didn’t mind, it was like a long sleep-over.

They did their own thing, kept their space and Spencer really did enjoy overhearing her on FaceTime with her kids. It was refreshing happiness in the middle of the madness murder sadness and despair they were swallowed by.

When his phone rang at 6 am, just shortly after he returned to his room for a quick rest, he sighed deeply, “Dr. Reid.”

“I’m so sorry to do this to you, but another body dropped and I need you to go to the ME,” Prentiss explained softly down the line. “It’s weirder than the other’s and you’re the only person who would be able to work it out with the examiner.”

“I’m on it,” he replied with a tightlipped smile. He hung up and looked over at JJ, already peacefully asleep on her bed. He closed the door softly on his way out, not wanting to disturb her any further.

At the other end of the hallway, Spencer stood and waited for the elevator. It seemed to be taking forever, everything he was doing lately dragged on and on with no end in sight. He was exhausted, still struggling with his PTSS, just all around not having the best time.

He was in the middle of rubbing the sleep out of his eyes when the elevator opened with an equally tired woman waiting inside. “Hi,” she said before covering her mouth to yawn, “sorry.”

“I get it,” he smiled as he stepped inside. “Lobby?”

“Yes please,” she smiled. “Are you here for the case too?”

“Uh, yes,” he answered softly, “I’m Dr. Spencer Reid, with the FBI.”

“Oh, hi! I’m Dr. Y/N Y/L/N, the medical examiner,” her face lit right up. “Agent Prentiss said you’d be joining me I just didn’t think this quickly.”

She was adorable, bubbly and happy in a way he envied. He missed the feeling of random giddiness, smiling at her as he felt the butterflies swirl in his stomach. “Do you need a ride? I have an SUV from the bureau.”

“Yeah,” her smiled got bigger. “That would be really nice.”

They walked closely together through the lobby and towards the parking structure, he hit the unlock button a few times while trying to figure out which SUV his keys matched to. Finally getting in and watching her climb in the passenger seat.

“Do you know anything yet about the body?” Spencer asked as he turned on the ignition.

“Yeah hold on,” she pulled her iPad out of her bag and started sliding through emails.

“Your tech girl sent me the initial police reports, witness statements and overview,” she began to explain. “Like the others, she’s a 25-year-old female, blond, blue-eyed, athletic.”

“Prentiss said it was a weird one?” Spencer added.

“They think she was embalmed before the unsub staged her,” Y/N added with a tone of disgust on her voice. “Do you have your tech girl’s number?”

“Yeah, hold on,” Spencer dug his phone from his pocket and dialled the number.

“Penelope Garcia, the 8th wonder of the world at your service,” she answered after just one ring. “How are you doing on this fine morning, my fine furry friend?”

“Not so hot,” Spencer replied. “I’m with the ME right now on the way to the body, she has a question for you.”

“Oh hello, ask away.”

Y/N was smiling on the front seat, enjoying the show they put on for her. “Um, hi I was wondering if you could look into anyone in this town buying embalming equipment, or if any has been stolen from the funeral home? This town is so under-resourced already, I don’t know where this guy could get this stuff.”

“Absolutely, I’ll add that to my parameters,” Garcia’s voice was lovely and soft. “I’ll call you back if I find anything!”

“She’s lovely,” Y/N exclaimed as Spencer place his phone back in his pocket.

“Yeah, she is.”

Spencer pulled into the morgue’s parking lot, the lights were all on and the Coroners van was parked by the loading doors. Inside there was just 1 officer, waiting beside a body bag as Spencer and Y/N walked in.

The officer gave them both a quick rundown of the crime scene findings, as well as information about where all the equipment was before leaving them to their work.

“Have you ever examined a body?” Y/N asked Spencer.

He nodded, “I’ve been present during a few, held some organs, but I’ve never done one myself.”

“They’re pretty gnarly,” She scrunched her face and giggled. “Let’s get you all geared up.”

She handed him a hairnet, a white plastic suit, goggles and a mask. “Gloves are on the wall, pick your size.”

He felt like a lunch lady standing beside her, taller than her by almost a foot, dressed in all white with a hairnet. He could tell she was smiling at him under her mask, her eyes gleamed up at him in a way that made his heart melt.

He had to remind himself multiple times that this was nowhere close to the time appropriate to want to flirt with someone. They were about to examine a dead body, and potentially solve a case. There would be time to flirt later.

But he was just so amazed by how she worked, being able to tell everything that was going on by just looking at the body. Making notes on her own and only occasionally explaining things to Spencer. In her own little world, solving the puzzle with expertise.

“The other 4 vics were just strangled and staged, dressed up and left in different areas around town,” she ran the case down more for herself, needing to hear the words to make a connection.

“Yes,” Spencer followed her train of thought, tilting his head as he listened.

“She was murdered, embalmed, staged and sexually assaulted. His MO is completely different and it’s only been 2 days since the last body dropped. I think he’s found his signature,” She explained her thoughts. “His sexual aspect comes out only when they’re dead and cold, we’re dealing with a necrophile.”

“While most serial killers start with small animals before moving on to humans, he started with women and then eventually grew to what he really wanted. That’s what we were missing,” Spencer’s eyes lit up.

“He’s a lot younger than you hypothesized in the original profile,” She added.

“You read it?”

She nodded, “yeah I like to know what you’re looking at to see if I have answers.”

“This is really going to help us,” Spencer smiled, his eyes mimicking hers now.

“I can finish up here if you want to go back to your team? I can get a cab,” She offered. “Go catch this guy.”

“Okay,” Spencer said, backing up from the table and taking his equipment off. Placing them in the hazmat garbage. “Are you sure?”

“Yes Dr. Reid, I’ll be fine,” She laughed. “Can I call you if anything comes up?”

He smiled again, “call me even if something doesn’t.” He dug a contact card out of his pocket and placed it on top of her purse. Waving as he walked out of the room.

—

He thought about her smile for the rest of the afternoon, leaving his findings with Prentiss before heading back to his room to sleep for a few hours.

He finally found his way back into the police department 5 hours later, coffee in hand as he tried to absorb all the new information. They had a lead, stolen embalming equipment from a funeral home a few towns over was reported 4 days ago.

He stayed back during the apprehension of the suspect. Simmons, Lewis and Rossi were closer and they didn’t think the unsub would be dangerous. No one was missing and he wasn’t expecting them, should be easy to get him to come in for some questions.

Much like the rest of this case, it didn’t go to plan. They found another woman in his home, having to shoot him in the process. Ending the spree, ridding the world of a necrophile. It just didn’t feel like justice was served when another person had to die.

Spencer sat on his bed, calming down slightly from the end of the case. Saving a woman, killing a murderer, it was all a lot to process in such a short time.

JJ was in her bed on the other side of the room, scrolling through Facebook as she looked at photos of her kids. It was a much easier way for her to calm down, remembering that she could go home to pure, unadulterated happiness at the end of a case.

They heard a small knock on the door, Spencer volunteered to answer, opening it only a small amount as he looked out.

“Oh, hi,” surprised to see Y/N behind the door.

“Would you like to come and drink with me?” She asked, holding up a bottle in her hand. “In my room,” she added.

“Yeah, yes um, hold on,” he closed the door on her softly.

“Who’s that?” JJ smirked at him.

“My friend,” he replied quickly, running to the bathroom to look at his hair and fix his shirt. “I’ll be back later.”

He grabbed his wallet, making sure he had a condom first, before opening the door only a small amount to slip out into the hall. Hiding Y/N from JJ as she tried to look out the door.

“Sorry, my co-worker and I are sharing,” he explained.

“It’s okay,” she smiled, heading towards the stairs. “I’m just a floor up, and the elevator takes a million years.”

Spencer held the door for her, watching her head up the stairs as he noticed the bottle in one of her hands and her shoes in the other. She walked up the steps in her socks, exhausted from the day.

“Did you get any sleep?” She asked him softly as she kept climbing the steps.

“A few hours, did you?”

“Yeah,” she laughed, “I woke up just before they called about the body this morning.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to just go to bed? You’ve been working for 12 hours,” Spencer worried for her.

She reached the door for floor 3, pulling it open with the hand she held her shoes in, “Sleep is the for weak.”

He laughed lightly, “do you want me to hold anything?”

“Here,” she handed him the bottle, “thanks.”

She dug the keycard from her pocket as he followed her towards the right door. Excitement bubbled in his chest as she opened the door and welcomed him inside.

It was exactly like his room downstairs, only there was just 1 queen bed and a few couches by the window. She set her things down on the bed, sighing deeply as she sat on the edge.

“Do you have any cups or mugs?” Spencer asked, reminding her that he was holding the alcohol still.

“Yeah, on the bar table over there,” she pointed. “I’m just going to change in the bathroom quickly, you can pour yourself a drink.”

“Okay,” he smiled awkwardly as he crossed the room.

She dug through her suitcase quickly. Spencer saw from the corner of his eye as she took out some shorts and a shirt, not even slightly worried about being so casual in front of a complete stranger.

He inspected the bottle, it was just a cheap scotch, nothing too special. He poured about an inch of the golden liquid into two cups, not a big fan of drinking but tonight he felt a little risky.

She came back looking more refreshed, very cozy, and still breathtakingly beautiful. He hadn’t felt this way about someone in a long time, the tightening in his chest as he wondered where the night was going to go.

Not to mention the longing he felt.

Even before prison, he wasn’t one to spend a lot of nights alone with a beautiful stranger. The added isolation in his life changed him on a fundamental level, he realized just how much he craved contact, and just how much he’s deprived himself over the years from both men and women. He just wanted to be loved properly.

He silently handed her one of the cups, smiling at each other softly as they tapped cups. Taking the whole drink, “oh, yep that was exactly what I needed.” Y/N’s eyes watered as her face scrunched up, coughing a bit.

Spencer felt the same, only being able to hide it a bit better. The burn was nice on his throat, it made him feel alive. “Did you want to order some food or anything or?”

She laughed, “that would be the smart and responsible thing to do.”

“Are you okay?” He asked softly.

She looked up at him, her shoulders dropping as she released the tension in her body. Looking into his eyes with care, it was so different from the way his co-workers looked at him. She didn’t think he was broken, she had to reason to believe he was even damaged.

“Yeah,” she smiled, placing her hand on his chest as she stepped in closer to him. “Do you like mushrooms on pizza?” She giggled, even this close to him with every opportunity to kiss him, she chose to just make him smile. Something that didn’t happen too often lately.

“I do, it’s my favourite topping actually.”

She took his tie in her hands and dragged him to the couch, “I enjoy topping sometimes too.”

She sat down on the couch and looked up at him, waiting for him to sit beside her. Patting the cushion beside herself while he swallowed sharply, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, making her smirk.

“I won’t bite Spencer,” she laughed finally. “I’m sorry if that was too much?”

“No,” he said, sitting down beside her quickly. “No, it’s fine honestly, I’m just not used to it.”

“Too busy with the FBI to find anyone to hit on you?”

He shook his head softly, pushing his hair out of his face. “I uh, I was framed for murder and in prison for 3 months. I haven’t really had a conversation with anyone I don’t work with in a while.”

“Oh,” she didn’t look surprised or scared. “That makes sense.”

“What does?”

“You’re soft,” she leaned in to press her hand against his chest once more, eye level with him now. Seeing his eyes dart from her lips to her eyes every few seconds as he licked his lips. “You don’t look like you want to hurt anyone, but something about your aura is changing. You know how to protect yourself now, and you’re stuck thinking you’re still in danger.”

“How can you tell all that just from looking at me?” He asked softly.

“If I showed up at any other man’s door with a bottle of alcohol and the offer of a night alone, I would have been pushed against that door the second we got here,” she explained. “You respect me, almost a little too much.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” His face was soft and curious and proving her point.

“You see me as a person, but I can tell you’re touch starved. Every time I get close to you, it’s like you don’t want me to move away,” her voice was barely a whisper as she leaned in even closer to him.

She could feel his breath on her face, her nose was close enough to brush against his as she stared at his lips, “but you won’t make the first move. You want to protect me from you.”

He nodded his head lightly before rubbing the tip of his nose against hers and making her smile. He let out a sigh, relaxing his shoulders as she straddled his lap, leaning him back against the couch. He bit the bullet and let his hands rest on her hips, looking at her softly in the hopes it was okay.

“Tell me?” She begged, holding his tie in her hands, running it through her fingers as she waited. “What do you want? What you miss? Let me be that for you,” she begged.

“Anything,” he finally tells her. “Just touch me.”

She loosened his tie, freeing his neck finally. She slowly undoes every single button on his shirt, untucking the hem from his pants as she opens it up.

Her fingers are warm on his skin, but he still gasps at the touch. Her fingers were so soft, like angel kisses as the pads of her fingers traced the skin. Gliding over every freckle, raking through his chest hair, bumping along the barely-there abs.

His thumbs rubbed against her bare thighs, where he held her lightly. “You can touch me too,” she whispered.

His hands travelled up to her waist, he gently pulled her in closer. No longer resting on his legs, but pressed close to his chest. Her hands landed on his shoulders, looking down at him with nothing but pure lust as her breathing hitched.

She cupped his face, gliding her thumbs along his cheeks softly as she stared at his lips. He opened his mouth to breathe, his bottom lip was plump and beautiful and she couldn’t help herself from rubbing her thumb over it.

He kissed her thumbprint before taking it in his mouth, sucking on it softly making her hips buck into his lightly. The suction on her thumb was more erotic than she expected, the feel of his hot mouth, his wet tongue swirling around it before he let her go with a pop.

She accidentally let out a moan that excited him, “like that?”

She immediately felt her heartbeat in her clit, she nodded feverishly. Suddenly at a loss for words, wondering where this Spencer suddenly came from.

“How far are we taking this?” He asked softly. “We can stop and order that pizza at any time?”

There he was, the soft and sweet man that she brought here in the first place. “Pizza is even better after sex,” she couldn’t stop the giggle from erupting from her, even as she bit her lip.

He smiled at her like she was the world. A complete stranger making him feel more than anyone had in the last year. “I’m going to need longer than it takes to deliver a pizza,” he admitted.

“Luckily they’re open late,” she compromised, leaning in and finally kissing him.

It was soft at first, then he pulled her in even closer. She was chest to chest with him as he breathed her in deeply. She melted into his grasp as if he had just stolen her soul right out of her body.

She was his now.

She kept his face in her hands, holding him as he broke the kiss to explore her jaw. Kissing every inch of her neck and chest as she gripped his hair, making him moan as she used her nails to comb through the long locks.

“Does that feel nice?” She cooed, running her nails along his scalp as he tilted his head back.

“My favourite thing,” he explained as he closed his eyes, letting her repeat the same motion again and again.

He looked so peaceful, running his hands over her back and sides softly as she massaged him. She leaned in and kissed his cheeks, the tip of his nose, both eyelids and his forehead.

He wanted her to touch him everywhere, her delicate touch made him feel worthy for once. Every self-hatred of his washed from his body as she explored him with care, care only one would receive if they were a most prized possession.

He felt loved.

It was overwhelming, he didn’t realize a tear had slipped down his cheek until she was wiping it from his skin. Shushing him softly before kissing him quickly on the lips.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, embarrassed.

“It’s okay, what’s on your mind beautiful?” She asked softly as she brushed through his hair once more.

“I just,” he looked in her eyes ever so innocently. “I’m not used to feeling cared for, no one pays attention to me this way.”

“That’s shameful,” she looked utterly perplexed. “Look at you? You’re gorgeous, you’re smart, you’re powerful. You’re kind and lovely and soft?”

“But I’m also weird and too much to handle,” he interjected.

“Not to me,” she corrected him. “this morning you could have said nothing in the elevator, you could have driven by yourself and awkwardly waited till I was finished my work. But you didn’t, you had a conversation with me, you helped me many times, you cared about me making it back here safely and you didn’t even know me. You’re a special kind of person Doctor Reid, and anyone who doesn’t see it is an idiot.”

He pressed his lips together in an awkward smile and furrowed his brow, “do you ever give out parts of yourself to everyone because you know how hard it is to feel appreciated?”

“All the time,” she laughed softly. “But not now.”

“Me either,” he whispered. “Thank you.”

“I’ll make you a deal, you tell me the worst thing you’ve ever done and I’ll tell you mine,” she offered. “Even the playing field.”

“How so?”

“Right now you think I’m super nice and kind right? And I just told you how I feel about you, but you hate yourself and outside of here I hate myself too. Share a secret, we can be fucked up together,” she smiled.

“In order to keep myself safe in prison, I poisoned a batch of heroin and almost killed a lot of people,” he responded without thinking.

“Okay,” she was a little shocked that he gave in so fast. “One time I stabbed a guy who tried to touch me after I pushed him off me twice already. He didn’t die, it barely even went in.”

“Both are technically self-defence,” he shrugged.

“See?” She smiled. “You’re not as bad and scary as you think you are. You’re smart and cunning.”

“Are you sure you’re not a therapist?” He teased her, “because this has been better for me than any therapy appointment I’ve ever gone to.”

She laughed again, kissing him softly. “I think it would be against the rules for your therapist to do this, I guess that’s why some men cheat.”

“How so?” He just liked listening to her speak.

“It’s easier to be open with someone you’ll never see again than it is with your therapist or wife because there are no consequences. They can’t judge you or hold anything against you, they do what you paid them for and they leave,” she explained herself.

“I’d like to see you again,” his voice barely a whisper. “If you’d like that?”

She nodded softly, “maybe I’ll move back to Virginia, finally.”

“Is that where you’re from?”

“Born and raised. I moved to Albuquerque with my girlfriend 5 years ago, and she left me about 2 years ago now,” Y/N explained. “I liked my job too much to move all the way back there and start over.”

“I can put in a good word for you where ever you want,” he offered before he could stop himself from looking too desperate.

“I’ll look into it,” she smiled.

He kissed the centre of her chest again before pulling her into a hug. Hearing her heart beating in her chest softly as she pressed her cheek to the top of his head and rubbed her hand over his back. Soothing him so completely, he felt beyond amazing.

And then she was gone, pulling back from him and standing up. “Wh-?” Before he could even ask, she was lifting her shirt off.

He stared at her breasts, eyes wide and jaw dropped. She walked over to the bar, taking another shot before she pushed her shorts down and climbed onto the bed. Completely naked in under a minute.

He stood then, pushing the opened shirt off his shoulders and immediately undoing his belt. He took a condom from his wallet before kicking off his shoes, dropping his pants and underwear to the floor and stepping out of them.

She was laying back against the pillows when he crawled over her, resting his naked body against hers ever so slightly. She just smirked as she looked up at him, “hi.”

“Hello,” he whispered.

“What do you want?” She asked.

“You.”

He kissed her softly on the lips, or at least he planned to. Y/N wrapped her arms around his back and pulled him down against her. Swiping her tongue across his bottom lip, begging to make out with him, finally.

Grabbing and tugging at each other as everything started to heat up, she could feel his erection against her leg as he ground down on her. Sucking on his tongue, lightly making him moan into her mouth.

His hair kept tickling her face, every time she’d push it away it would just fall right back against her skin. She pulled him off by his hair, gasping for air as they stared at each other again.

“Can I be on top?” She asked lightly.

He wrapped his arms under her, holding her close as he rolled over. Watching her settle more onto her knees as she sat on his hips. “Better?”

“Much,” she said as she sat up, taking a hairband off her wrist and putting her hair up. Raising her arms in a way that made her tits perk up. He reached up and cupped them, rubbing his thumb lightly across her nipples before giving them a squeeze.

She just laughed as she finished her ponytail, “having fun?”

“Absolutely,” he smiled up at her.

His hands followed the curve of her body, from her boobs to her waist and down over her hips. She was stunning, confident, everything he ever wanted and more.

She found the condom in the sheets, the bright purple packaging making it easy to see. She played with it in her hands, seeing how long it would take before he got desperate, but he never did.

“How long have you had this?” She asked, trying to tease him.

“Not long,” he was honest. “I just got out of prison, remember?”

“So you haven’t had sex since before you went in?” She looked excited.

“No, why?”

She smiled, “so I’m taking your free man’s virginity.”

“I don’t think that’s a thing?”

“It is now,” she giggled before leaning down to kiss him once more.

Trailing kisses down his neck, stopping only to suck a mark near his Adam’s apple. Hearing the sweet little gasps he made every time her tongue came in contact with his skin. She kissed his clavicle, his shoulder and down his chest. Making her way across his abs and over his lower tummy.

He gripped the sheets, not knowing what she had planned or where she was going. Spreading his legs, she kissed his groin, his right hip bone and the inside of his thighs. He couldn’t believe it, the way she explored him so delicately.

She ignored his cock for a while, kissing and sucking at any and all the visible skin she could find. He felt her smile against his thigh then, getting closer and closer before she took his cock in her hand and kissed the base.

He let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in, settling into the bed like water filling a glass, he was liquid in her hands. Her mouth was a blessing and she chose him to worship.

“Fuck,” he moaned as she took all of him as far as she could. Dragging her tongue along the shaft as she pulled back up. Swirling her tongue around the tip before taking him all the way in once more.

She pulled off with a pop, sitting up now with his dick still in her hands. She tore the condom open with her teeth, taking the package off and rolling it over him.

His dick bounced back against his stomach when she let go of it, hard enough that it had a mind of its own now. She bit her lip as she lifted herself over him more, setting herself down softly where it laid against him.

The head of his cock brushed her clit as she ground down on him, his hands found her hips once more as he instinctively helped her find a rhythm.

He could feel how wet she was, the way she glided over him so easily. Her breath hitching every time her hips bucked, she was enjoying herself. It made him even more excited. She leaned back down then, kissing his neck once more as she continued to push down on him.

“I need you,” Spencer gasped.

She smiled against his skin, lifting her hips enough for him to line up with her before she started to sink down on it. He watched himself disappear inside of her, feeling the way she took him in like he was always meant to be there.

“Fuck,” she gasped as she sat down fully, her hands resting on Spencer’s stomach as she tried to get used to it all. Listing herself up and down little by little to get the rhythm going again.

Spencer pulled her back in again, arching her back so she could bounce easier. She held him close, tucking her face into the crook of his neck as she started to move faster and faster on him. Hearing his breathing pick up as his grip tightened on her asscheeks.

She kept one hand in his hair as her other hand reached for her clit, pleasuring herself slightly the way she knew she liked it. “Jesus Christ,” she whispered against his skin as she fucked him.

It had never felt like this before, it was so personal for the first time. They worked together perfectly, not having to communicate at all, following the other person’s rhythm like a well-oiled machine with a task.

He felt her everywhere. Her hands in his hair, her lips on his neck. The way her hot breath tickled right under his ear as she tried to catch her breath against him. The way she pulled off him and sucked him back in, again and again, her breasts against his chest and her ass in his hands.

He couldn’t believe it. That a real human being cared about and appreciated him, even after learning his worst secret. She was special and different and everything he needed.

He could feel himself getting closer, wanting to savour every moment with her that he could. His hands roamed her back, over her shoulders and arms. He wanted to touch every single inch of her while he had the chance.

“I’m so close,” she whispered in his ear, kissing his cheek and resting her open mouth against his.

They weren’t kissing, they were panting over each other with their foreheads resting together. Euphoria filling the empty spaces between them as she came, gasping and shaking violently over him.

“Fuck,” he groaned, bending his knees and driving into her a few more times before he finished.

She tugged on his hair then, biting his bottom lip as she felt him twitch inside of her. Letting out the smallest gasps and whimpers as she pulled her hand out from between them and pushed herself off him.

Dropping her body against his, resting her head on his chest as they caught their breath.

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her in a hug as he repeatedly kissed the top of her head. “Thank you,” he was still out of breath as he said it.

She smiled, laughing against his skin again as she hugged him back.

—

He woke up to the sun in his eyes and the feeling of lips against his skin. He blinked as gained consciousness, finding Y/N laying against his chest again. Her face in his heck where she was placing lazy kisses, trying to wake him up nicely.

“Good morning?” His voice was groggy and deep, it made her smile against his skin. A feeling he didn’t realize he missed so much during the night.

“What time is your flight back?”

“10:30, why?” He asked softly, rubbing his hand over her back softly.

She held him tighter, breathing him in deeply as she did so. Not wanting to let him go any time soon, “it’s 9:45.”

“Is it bad I’m hoping there’s a secret serial killer in Albuquerque?”

She laughed again, sitting up this time so she could look at him again. “Maybe I’ll come to visit my parents soon a find a reason to stay in Virginia?”

“I’d like that,” he smiled, pulling her into a kiss. Never wanting it to be the last one.

He waited till the last possible moment to finally peel himself out of her grasp, trying to find all his clothes and belongings from the night before

He kissed her quickly at the door before taking off down the steps and back to the room he was supposed to be sharing with JJ. He knocked on their door lightly, hoping to every god on earth she hadn’t left yet.

She opened the door and just stared at him with her mouth open, “oh my god?” She laughed.

“What?” He asked, completely oblivious to how he looked.

JJ dragged him inside, pulling him towards a mirror and pointing at his reflection. “What happened to you?”

His hair was a mess, he had hickeys all over his neck. His shirt was barely buttoned, definitely not untucked and he didn’t even have his shoes on. “oh.”

“Oh?” JJ couldn’t believe it. “Who is she?”

“Um, the ME from this case,” he explained, scratching the back of his head as he squinted.

JJ just laughed then, “hurry up and look somewhat presentable, pretty boy, the team is going to eat you alive for this.”

Sure enough, when he finally sat in his little corner of the plane with his glasses on and a hickey still visible above his collar, all eyes were on him. No one wanted to ask, they all just made it abundantly clear that they were curious.

Alvez even took a photo to send to Penelope, who sent it to Derek, who texted Reid only 20 minutes into the flight asking who she was. He rolled his eyes and put his phone back in his pocket. About to get really pissed when a second text came in.

555-0623: if you’re still serious about that recommendation, there is a spot available at the DC medical examiner’s office… I’d probably be closer to you than your therapist’s office 💋

He smiled then, saving her number and starting his letter.

[maynardmaniac07]

Imagine where y/n and Harry aren’t dating yet but the sexual tension could be cut with a knife and y/n goes on holiday with all of the boys and their girlfriends but y/n has a major wardrobe malfunction (around just some of the guys and Harry) but everyone is drunk and laughing at y/n and Harry is the only one that actually tries to help cover y/n and get herself sorted but again the sexual tension is strong and this just escalates it.

Wardrobe Malfunction (Harry Lewis/WroeToShaw)

A/N: I'll give it a go I hope you like it! The image of the dress above is what y/n is wearing

Y/N’s POV

I look at myself in the bathroom mirror and I smile at my appearance

I was currently getting ready in my hotel room with the rest of the girls at the same time as having some pre-drinks

We are all currently on holiday in Malia and we are all hitting the clubs on our 4th night out

By we I mean Talia, Freya, Ellie and Faith

The boys were getting ready in their own rooms because they “don’t need to get ready together” apparently

And by the boys I mean Simon, Josh, Vik, Ethan and Harry

Now whilst all the other girls are with one of the guys, I am not

I am painfully single, just like Harry

Harry is one of the only single ones out of the lads

I’ve always felt something between me and Harry but I’ve never said anything

Not even to the girls 

I don’t want their encouragement to get my hopes up

Tonight I was putting all my faith into the chain that was holding my dress up around the back of my neck

One wrong move and my dress is on the floor, along with my dignity

“Right are we all ready to go?” Freya asks

We all unanimously say yes before we leave my hotel room

As we leave the room, we see the boys to see the boys walking towards us from the left

“Hi!” Ellie says as she pulls Vik into a hug, much like the other girls do to their partners

As they all pair up, they walk towards the lift and that leaves me and Harry at the back

“Hi” I say with a slight blush on my face

“Hi, shall we go?” he questions and I nod in response

When we all reach the lifts, Ethan presses the button to call the lift and it isn't 30 seconds before it comes

Now I have never said that we are smart but we decided that it would be a good idea to all get in one lift

“Come on let’s all squeeze in!” Faith declares as she gets in and drags Ethan with her

We all follow suit and me and Harry are last to get in

I manage to squeeze my body in but it is right against the doors as it closes

As I feel the lift begin to move, I hear a tearing sound

I look down to see the side of my dress, that was already split at the side of my thigh as now ripped nearly all the way up the side

Due to this unfortunate incident, my arse is also on show

Thank god everyone is talking amongst themselves and hasn’t noticed

“Oh shit” I mumble to myself 

“What's up?” I hear a voice ask quietly 

I look up to see Harry looking at me with a concerned look written all over his face

I shift my body slightly in the crammed lift to show him my dress

“Fuck” He says with a wide eyes

The lift doors suddenly open and I am quick to exit

When I look down at my dress in better lighting, I see that it is nearly ripped all the way up and only a tiny bit of fabric was holding the back and front together

“Holy shit it’s ripped badly isn't it?” Harry’s voice says 

I nod as I try quickly grab both pieces and try and hold them together

“Let’s go, the taxi is outside!” Josh declares as they all start to walk out

“Guys!” I shout to get their attention

My group of friends turn around to face me

“I’ve had a bad wardrobe malfunction, I am going to go back up to my room and get changed and then I will come and join you at the club” I explain

They all nod in agreement before they start to leave again

“You coming Harry?” Talia asks as she sees him just stood near me

“Actually I’m going to stay behind with Y/n, in case she needs any help” he says, as I feel that familiar blush rise to my face again

“Didn’t know that you learnt how to sew Harry, we’ll see you both later” Simon says with a wink before guiding Talia out the reception doors

Once everyone is out of sight, Harry turns to me 

“Right, shall we see if we can go and sort this out” he asks 

I nod once again, not really knowing what to say to him

Sometimes I get really flustered around Harry 

My feelings just make me get ahead of myself

We get back into the lift and it takes us straight up to our floor

Once the doors open, I practically sprint to my room

Which was quite hard considering I am wearing heels 

I unlock my hotel room door and swing it open, turning the lights on as I walk in

Harry follows me in and shuts the door behind him

I look at the rip in the dress and sigh, as I see that it is nearly all the way up the side and there is only a little bit of material holding the back and the front together

Bloody Shein dress

In the mirror, I see Harry kneel down next to me 

“It is bad isn’t it, I don’t think you will be wearing this again” he says honestly

“I mean it was only cheap off the internet, so I’m not too mad at it happening” I explain

“I guess you’ll have to wear something else” He says

I hum in response

My body goes stiff as I feel Harry run his finger tips down my body

“You’ve hid this well” He comments as I feel his fingers tug on the waistband of my thong, which I had to pull up high due to the slits in the dress

“Yeah I had to because of the slits in the side of my dress” I explain

“I don’t know anything about girls underwear but it seems that you have pulled it up high to hide it” Harry wonders

I nod my head

“Yeah it’s not the most comfortable but can’t go out with any pants on” I chuckle

I can feel the sexual tension in the room between us and you could cut it with a knife

I look down at him and he looks up at me, with a look in his eyes as if he is asking for permission 

I gulp as I nod my head slightly

Harry’s hands grab the front of the dress and lift it up to reveal my thong 

“Wow, it’s really pretty” he mumbles as I feel his finger tips run just above my pussy 

I suck in my breath as I feel Harry run his finger along the fabric between my pussy lips

“It looks so tight against your pussy” he says as I feel his thumbs touching my lips and pulling them apart

I hum at the feeling

“I bet it’s all wet as well” he says 

Harry continues to spread my pussy with his thumbs and runs his index finger against the fabric

“I can’t do this anymore” he mumbles

Harry reaches up and rips the last part of the dress that was holding together

Once it is ripped apart the chain detaches and the dress falls off my body revealing my naked tits and thong

He takes my thong waistband in his hands and swiftly tears it so apart and it falls to the floor

“Hands on the mirror” He demands

I lean a little forward and place both my hands on the mirror to balance myself

I suddenly feel Harry’s mouth licking my clit

“Holy shit!” I moan loudly

I will be honest and say that it has been a while since I’ve had some fun with someone 

I’ve just had my mind focused on Harry and now he is actually doing one of the things I’ve dreamed about, I can’t believe it

“Taste so good princess” he says before diving back into my pussy

I feel a finger slip inside me, pumping away at the same time that his mouth is working wonders on my clit

“Harry, don’t stop” I moan as I watch everything he is doing through the mirror

He speeds up sucking on my clit and inserts another finger into me, which he then curls together with the other one

His fingers continuously hit a spot that has me seeing stars

“Fuck!” I squeal as I feel my orgasm hit me faster than I was expecting

Something else that I wasn’t expecting was to squirt a little

I feel my juices sliding down my thighs and dripping from my pussy

I see Harry pull away and wipe his mouth with the back of his hand 

He gets up from his knees and stands right up against me

Harry pulls me into a kiss and I can taste my own juices on his tongue

We pull away and he looks at me with a small smirk 

“get dressed whilst I wait outside,  then we can go and meet the others and maybe when we get home, we might continue what we started” He suggests before he kisses my forehead and walks out of my hotel room

What just happened?

A/N: PLEASE REQUEST MORE IMAGINES!

Masterlist

[imaginesfordifferentfandoms]

It's Going To Be You

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Prompt - I knew I did from that first moment we met. It was…not love at first sight exactly, but - familiarity. Like: oh, hello, it’s you. It’s going to be you.

—————————————————–

Spencer Reid knew from the moment he laid eyes on you that you were something else, he could tell from one glance that you would change his life. No words needed to be exchanged for the man to be completely and utterly taken by you. He watched as you walked through the door, though your head was held high, shoulders pushed back giving the impression of complete confidence, he saw the way you fiddled with the strap of your bag with one hand. When he looked at your other hand he could see your forefinger picking at your thumb, clearly a nervous habit. He watched as you looked around the room, watched as Rossi made his way over to you, guiding you over to Hotch’s office with a smile.

“Down, pretty boy.” Derek grinned as Spencer startled, his head snapping around to face Derek just as you entered Hotch’s office. “I’ve never seen that look on your face and you don’t even know her name.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Spencer replied, cringing at how unconvincing he sounded.

He turned away from Derek and tried to focus on his paperwork but he could stop his eyes from straying over to the closed office door every few minutes much to Derek and Rossi’s amusement.

“Who is she anyway?” Derek asked.

“She’s lucky number ten,” Rossi told them, smothering a smile as Spencer looked over, “who knew finding another agent would be so difficult.”

“Wait,” another voice interrupted, “there’s a new person here? Is she nice? Why is that always my first question?” The group laughed as Penelope quizzed Rossi.

“Listen, I know as much as you people.” He said and before anyone else could speak Penelope was being handed a folder causing them all to groan.

-

“Agent Hotchner?” You asked as you were granted access to the office.

Hotch stood as you walked in, moving around his desk to hold a hand out to you.

“Yes and you’re Y/F/N Y/L/N, I presume?” He asked, smiling slightly at you as you nodded, still fiddling with your bag. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, please have a seat.”

“Thank you sir.” You smiled, taking a seat in the offered chair watching as he made his way back behind his desk.

“Your supervisor spoke very highly of you when I spoke with him, your success rate is impressive.” Hotch praised, glancing down at the file in front of him. “Your latest case seemed rather difficult, are you sure you’re ready to be back in the field again?”

“I passed all my psychiatric exams, I was cleared to return.” You told him stiffly.

“I’m aware of your results, I just want to be sure you’re ready. Infiltrating yourself into the life of Douglas Miller couldn’t have been an easy feat.” Hotch watched as a look of satisfaction took over your face.

“I’m ready, sir.” You told him, relaxing slightly. “It was a tough case, I’ll be the first to admit that seeing what I saw had an impact but I can do this.”

Hotch smiled at you before closing the folder.

“I believe you,” he said, “I think you’ll be a valuable addition to this team.”

The words were what you were hoping to hear, you’d wanted a job with the BAU for longer than you could remember but you paused. Surely it wasn’t that easy, right?

“Wait? That’s it?” You asked.

“That’s it.” Hotch confirmed, fighting back a smile at your expression.

“But- but I’ve been here less than five minutes.” You countered back, there were so many emotions going on within you that you felt slightly overwhelmed.

“Y/N, ever since your name was put forward I looked into your work and I was impressed. Your skills at undercover work are far above what I’ve seen in a long time, that alone would be an incredibly useful assest to the team but on top of that your ability to connect and empathise with unsubs, fast thinking and your profiling skills- trust me, you deserve this job and I have complete faith in you.” Hotch’s words had left you speechless, you had no clue how to respond but thankfully you didn’t have to as the door was pushed open and both you and Hotch turned to look at the brightly dressed woman in the doorway.

“I’m sorry to interrupt sir but we have a case.” The woman said and Hotch stood gesturing for you to follow.

“You have a to go bag?” He asked as you both walked out the door.

“Yes sir.” You nodded, still baffled by how well things had gone.

“Good, welcome to the team Y/L/N.”

-

“Everyone, this is SSA Y/F/N Y/L/N. I’m sure proper introductions can be made later.” Hotch said as the two of you entered the room before gesturing to Garcia that she could begin.

“Ok, yes, so, we have five bodies so far found in Wyoming. The first two bodies were hidden amongst some trees close to firehole bay. The ME presumes that the time of death was mostly likely a week ago but we should have full confirmation when you arrive. The victims, who we haven’t been able to identify yet, but I am working on it, were stripped completely and the wounds, that are in your files because I so do not need to see that, show heavy signs of torture. ” Garcia informed you all.

“The next body was a single male, again stripped and tortured and the ME says this death is most likely four to five days old. This body was found a few miles away from Basin Bay Point campsite.”

“Wait a second,” somebody interrupted, causing you to turn your head. There sat a man, younger than the rest of the team, he was…how you had missed him you didn’t know but now you felt like you couldn’t look away. “If I’m not mistaken those places are roughly twenty miles from each other at walking distance.”

“And driving distance?” An older man asked.

“I don’t think there is a way to drive to Basin Bay Point, especially not to where the body was left.” The younger man replied, looking down at the folder he was given with a frown.

“I’ll have a map ready for you on the plane.” Penelope assured him before continuing. “Now, the next two bodies were the most recent, ME says they were killed a day or two ago and these victims we have been able to identify as Taylor Gomez and her boyfriend Jack Gaskarth.” Penelope said as she brought their pictures up. “They were never reported missing because they had told friends and family they were going camping, which checks out because their bodies were found three miles away from Lewis Lake campground. They show the same wounds as the other vics.” Garcia explained.

You grimaced as you looked down at the tablet Hotch had passed you as you saw a young man and woman, naked with slices all across their bodies, as well as deep bruising to the neck.

“What was the CoD, Garcia?” The younger man spoke up again.

“ME still needs to run a full examination but her best bet is that it was asphyxiation.” She told him with a frown.

“That makes sense, there isn’t a lot of blood or scabbing which suggests they were done post mortem.”

“So what,” you spoke up, pausing for a moment when everyone turned to you, “the unsub blitz attacks the victims and kills them before torturing them? What’s the point in that?”

“It could be a number of things actually. Perhaps it’s not about the kills for him but more to do with the fascination of the human body, we’ve seen it before where curiosity leads to this kind of attack. It could also be that he has to kill, he has a compulsion to kill and once he’s given into that compulsion he gets to fulfil other urges. If I had to guess I’d say the victims are victims of opportunity-” The younger man rambled, his hands gesturing in front of him as he spoke causing you to smile.

“Because there is no set pattern, he crosses race and gender lines and there’s no secondary location.” You cut off the other man who looked at you with a grin.

“Exactly, the area is so isolated that he can get away with quick and easy killings but because it doesn’t seem like there’s a secondary location yet we have to presume that the torture is a means to satisfy himself when he can’t hold his victims hostage.”

“It’s a long flight and this unsub doesn’t appear to be slowing down. Wheels up in fifteen.” Hotch said as he stood up, everyone was quick to follow until it was just you and the guy you had spoken to left.

“Hi.” He said, causing you to turn around with a smile.

“Hi.”

“I’m Spencer, Spencer Reid.” He introduced himself.

“Y/F/N Y/L/N, nice to meet you.” You replied, reaching out your hand to shake his, your eyebrows pulling together slightly as he shook his head.

“Sorry, I don’t um,” He said, causing you to drop your hand and nod understandingly, “it’s nothing against you, just…germs.” He trailed off, berating himself in his head.

“No problem.” You smiled again, god that smile. Spencer felt his heart race.

“Congratulations on joining the team.” He praised as the two of you walked out of the round table room.

“Thank you, I’ve wanted this for so long.” He watched as the smile fell from your face before you shook your head slightly.

“Is everything ok?” He asked, understanding the nerves. He couldn’t help but glance down, almost smiling as he saw you picking at your thumb.

“Yeah, I’m just, what if I mess up?” You couldn’t help but ask. After wanting this job for as long as you had, all the hard nights and long days spent training you were finally here and you’d be damned if you screwed everything up.

“You won’t, Hotch wouldn’t have hired you if he didn’t think you were good enough, trust me. I think you’ll be amazing.” He told you, flushing slightly at his own words and the soft smile that replaced the frown on your face.

“Thank you Spencer.” You replied softly and before he could respond the rest of the team was calling for the two of you to head to the air strip.

-

On the plane you were properly introduced to everyone as you took a seat next to Spencer, sitting opposite Hotch and Rossi. On the table in front of you Spencer had both a map of the US and a smaller map of Wyoming. You watched his fingers trace invisible lines as his eyebrows knitted together.

You were trying not to stare, really you were, but there was just something about the man that made you want to get to know him.

Thankfully before anyone noticed your eyes glancing at Spencer every few moments, the man himself spoke.

“Guys, if you map out where the five victims were found,” Spencer began, circling three places on the map as he did, “it looks like the victims might have been hiking the continental divide trail.”

“Pretty boy, isn’t that trail like thousands of miles long?” Morgan asked, watching as Spencer nodded, pushing the little map of Wyoming out of the way for a moment and drawing a line down the map of the US.

“This is the continental divide trail, it’s 3,300 miles long and it’s actually quite difficult to hike. These people had to have been exceptionally fit and healthy which further backs up the theory that these were blitz attacks. You can go days without seeing other people when hiking the trail and most hikers have to give up because of lack of supplies or needing urgent medical care from injuries and illnesses they attract. A part of the Wyoming part of the trail includes a 120 mile stretch of desert with water sources few and far between.” Spencer rambled and you couldn’t help the soft smile, though you did try to hide it behind your hand, glancing away from Rossi when you locked eyes with him and he raised an eyebrow at you.

“So we have a serial killer and 3,300 miles of potential hunting grounds?” JJ asked.

“So far he seems to be focusing on Wyoming, which narrows the geographic profile down to…’ Spencer paused as he pulled the Wyoming map closer to him, “550 miles.”

“I hope you all brought your hiking boots.” Rossi said as groans filled the jet.

“Hello my crime fighters.” Garcia’s voice sounded through the speakers. “Hotch, the families of the latest two victims are at the station waiting for you.”

“Thank you Garcia,” Hotch replied before turning to the team. “JJ, I want you to come with me to the station and help interview the families. We also need to get ahead of the media on this before they start glorifying the unsub. Reid, since the geographic profile is mostly established, I want you to take Y/L/N and head to the latest crime scene. Dave and Morgan, the two of you head to the second crime scene.”

You and Spencer both shared a look at the news you were travelling to a crime scene that couldn’t be driven too. Whilst you managed to pass the FBI’s training and fitness tests you weren’t exactly athletically inclined and seeing from the look Spencer was giving you neither was he.

Judging from the chuckles that filled the plane the others had come to the same conclusion that you and Spencer were not going to recover from this trip.

-

You had driven as close to the crime scene as you could get, which was thankfully closer than the one Morgan and Rossi had to go to. It was still a hell of a hike to get to where the unsub had dumped the bodies.

“Ok, ok,” Spencer panted, cheeks flushed from the heat. “Let’s take a break.”

“Please.” You were quick to agree and the two of you sat down heavily on a fallen tree trunk. You had all been warned that you needed supplies, even for a short hike. So you had both been sent out with backpacks filled with water bottles and food. There were other supplies like maps, compasses and first aid kits that you were hoping you wouldn’t have to use. Thankfully you had been paired with the man with the eidetic memory because you couldn’t read a map to save your life.

After the two of you gulped down some water and caught your breath Spencer spoke up.

“Why the BAU?” He asked suddenly, causing you to look up in confusion.

“Sorry?” You replied.

“You said you had wanted to join the BAU for a long time, why?” He asked again, not pushing you when you paused.

It wasn’t a secret what had happened to your family, Spencer could easily find the information out if he wanted to but you wanted to be the one to tell him. It wasn’t a story you liked sharing with people but something about Spencer made you feel…safe.

“When I was a kid there was a serial killer but he was in the next state over and we were from a small town so nobody thought to worry and after a while things went quiet so everyone just assumed he stopped, you know? Anyway, one day I went to my friend’s house, it was summer and I was always out with my friends. I was there for a few hours but I was always home in time for dinner except for this day, I ended up losing track of time and headed home an hour late. When I got home, my momma was there in the kitchen. She was covered in blood and I just screamed. The rest of my family didn’t make it either. When the police came they said the markings were the same as the victims from the next state over.” You told him, not pausing for breath as you rushed through the story. You watched as his expression fell, his sympathy written on his face.

“I’m so sorry.” He told you and you could hear the sincerity in his tone. You gave him a small smile before continuing.

“I could just never understand why. The thing that kept me up at night was that question: why? Why them? Why did he come here? Why wasn’t I home? Why did I deserve to live? I started researching and somehow came across an article about the BAU, from there I knew I wanted to work there.”

“Most people wouldn’t be able to come back from something like that, especially at such a young age.” Spencer said, causing you to glance over at him. “They’d be so proud of you.”

You couldn’t help but let out what sounded like a chuckle and a sob at those words, causing Spencer’s eyes to widen in fear he had upset you further but then you smile brightly and he couldn’t help but smile back.

“I like to think so.” You said softly. “You ready to continue?” You asked, chuckling as he groaned before standing up.

“I hate Hotch.” Was the grumbled response and the laugh he received in return made every sore bone and the aching feet worth it.

-

“We know that this unsub is a physically fit white male in his mid to late thirties.” Hotch began.

“Looking at the geographical pattern it’s safe to assume that he too is hiking the Continental Divide Trail in search of victims who are isolated from the rest of civilization. He also has no problems taking down two victims.” Spencer continued.

“The period in between kills is lessening so we should expect to find another body soon, have as many officers as possible on the rest of the trail.” You picked up.

“Considering the last kill was two days ago, the average person could walk up to 30 miles a day on normal terrain but we have to consider that the terrain out there is harsh so lets say he walks 20 miles a day that gives up a 40 mile radius he could be in. He is guaranteed to stay on the continental divide trail so stop every male you see.” Spencer told the LEO’s and after some more information was shared everyone headed off in different directions, the BAU members heading into the room they had been given to work in.

“Y/N,” Hotch said, causing everyone to look over at you.

“Yes sir?” You asked, looking up from your laptop.

“You’re probably the most skilled undercover agent in this room,” He said, causing your cheeks to flush and Spencer couldn’t help but smile. “I know this isn’t exactly the type of case you’d usually be assigned but perhaps if we send you out there we have a better chance of catching him. This man is impulsive, if he sees you he won’t be able to control himself.” Hotch explained, ignoring the questioning looks he was getting from most of the team.

You, however, relaxed, thankful that you hadn’t done something wrong. Undercover work was easy, you were comfortable with it, you knew you were good at it. Obviously you weren’t as confident at this part of the job yet, how could you be on your first case, but undercover work? That was your area of expertise.

“Of course sir.” You agreed easily before remembering how fun the small hike to the last crime scene was…your body would not thank you for signing up for a much longer hike.

“Hotch, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Morgan spoke up causing you to frown. Sure they didn’t know you yet but surely your record spoke for itself. “No offence to you,” he said quickly as he turned to you, “it’s just-“

But before he could finish Hotch cut him off, “I have full faith in Y/L/N’s abilities.”

You couldn’t help feeling a swell of pride at Hotch’s words, a man who you looked up to, a man who barely knew you but was trusting you with so much already. You locked eyes with Spencer who smiled at you reassuringly.

“I’m not doubting the kid’s abilities,” Morgan continued, missing the way you rolled your eyes at being called a kid. “I’m just saying maybe don’t send her in on her own on her first case.”

“I’ll go with her.” Spencer spoke up before Hotch could argue back.

Your eyes widened at Spencer’s offer, he did just as well as you did on your first outing and now he was offering to put himself through hours more of that for what?

“Are you ok with that, Y/N?” Hotch asked you.

You didn’t even hesitate to nod, more than happy for the opportunity to spend time with Spencer Reid.

-

“We’ll be close by the whole time,” Hotch told you as he passed you your backpack filled with supplies, “the second we hear something, we’ll be there.” He assured you and you couldn’t help but smile at his concern.

“I’ll be fine, sir. This is actually the part of the job I’m good at.” You laughed, watching as his lip twitched upwards.

“You’ve been a great help in coming up with a profile too.” He assured you and before you could say anything the rest of the team was flooding in.

The plan for you and Spencer to hike up to a specific spot that Spencer had managed to pinpoint the unsub at and set up camp there. From there you would wait and hope for the unsub to appear. The man was impulsive and his need to kill would be overwhelming by now. The two of you were wired up so that if the unsub appeared the rest of the team could step in and help with the arrest.

You and Spencer were dropped off half an hour away from your campsite just so that if the unsub was around he wouldn’t suspect anything.

The walk was mostly silent, both you and Spencer focusing on not breaking an ankle on the uneven terrain when Spencer finally spoke up.

“Morgan didn’t mean anything insulting.” He told you, causing you to pause before shrugging your shoulders and continuing. When you stayed silent Spencer continued, “he’s just protective but sometimes he isn’t really good at showing it and it comes across…”

“It comes across like he thinks I can’t do my job despite this being my forte.” You finished with a huff before sighing. “I’m sorry, I just…you can’t imagine how many times a male colleague has said I can’t do something and then a supervisor has agreed, you don’t understand how hard I have to fight to be given assignments and not have somebody constantly berating me.” You ranted.

“People look at me like I’m a child. When I first joined the BAU nobody would take me seriously, without Gideon I don’t know what would have happened.” Spencer told you quietly, causing you to frown.

“So you can understand why it’s so frustrating that someone who doesn’t know me didn’t even want to give me a chance.” You replied, causing him to nod sadly. ‘I know he probably didn’t mean anything but…”

“You’ve heard that your entire career.” Spencer finished.

“Hotch was the first person to give me a chance without any hesitation.” You told him softly, watching as he smiled at that. “This should be close enough.” You said as you looked around, the place looked similar to the image Spencer had shown the team.

“Please tell me you know how to put a tent up.” You said, watching as his face twisted.

“I know the theory?” The way his response sounded like a question made you smile as you pulled poles and material out of a bag. The two of you staring down at the mess with matching expressions of confusion.

“Now would be a really good time for the unsub to attack.” He muttered, causing you to laugh loudly. Spencer couldn’t help but grin over at you, your cheeks flushing as you caught the expression.

It took longer than either you or Spencer were willing to admit to put the tent up, despite the fact that it wouldn’t get used, you had to make it look like the pair of you were really camping. There was a lot of grumbling, many curse words and a cut or two.

There was also a lot of laughter coming from the comms in your ears causing both you and Spencer to roll your eyes.

Once the tent was up, Spencer lay a blanket down outside of it and sat down, gesturing for you to do the same. Miraculously the two of you got a fire started and as the sun set and the night time air chilled you were thankful for it.

“I don’t camp but I guess I can see the appeal.” Spencer told you as he titled his head back to look up at the stars. You glanced up too, the sky wasn’t totally black yet, more of an inky blue colour and you could see every star on the cloudless night.

It was beautiful and yet you still found your gaze falling back on Spencer.

“Yeah, me too.” You replied softly, your voice quiet so as not to break the peacefulness around you.

Somehow the two of you ended up laying down and looking up at the sky, you had a smile on your face that refused to move as Spencer’s hushed voice told you facts about stars.

“I’m glad you’re on the team.” Spencer whispered after a long pause of silence. It took you a moment to register his words before you turned your head, coming face to face with the man.

“Me too.” You whispered back, meaning the words with your entire being.

Just as Spencer went to say something you heard a rustle in the bushes and locked eyes with Spencer who nodded.

The two of you waited, not waiting to disrupt the operation if it just turned out to be an animal, but as you pushed yourself up on your elbow and discreetly looked around you saw a faint outline of a man. He was hidden behind a tree but he was watching the two of you.

“The hike up here was exactly what we needed.” You told Spencer and through the comms you heard the team moving out.

“You’re right.” He played along, smiling up at you from his reclined position.

Before you knew what was happening Spencer had his gun out and the unsub grabbed you, placing you in front of him as a human shield. If someone asked you, you would never have been able to recall the events that led to you having a knife held to your neck.

You saw the panicked look in Spencer’s eyes but you couldn’t hear his thoughts, they were overwhelming. Thoughts of Maeve passed through his mind as he pleaded with anyone who would listen to let you be ok, he couldn’t lose you too. Hell, he’d only known you a few days and yet he knew you were special, he knew he had to have you in his life. If you died now…

“Just let her go.” Spencer said, keeping his gun trained on the man.

“I let her go, you ship me off to death row.” The man responded, his face close to your face, too close. The smell of his breath had you grimacing.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Spencer responded, not even thinking. He just needed to get you away.

“Spenc, what you doing kid?” He heard Morgan through his ear piece but he just shook his head before shooting you a reassuring smile, trying not to focus on the tears in your eyes or the blood on your neck.

“I’m listenin’.” The unsub replied after a moment of silence, gesturing for Spencer to continue.

“Let her go,” He said, lowering his gun, “I won’t arrest you. You can get a head start before anyone else gets here. Just let her go.” Spencer pleaded.

It was a tense few seconds in which Spencer never took his eyes off you, he hated to see that scared look in your eyes, the fear in them made Spencer ache.

“Let her go.” Spencer said once more and he let out a sigh of relief as you were pushed into his arms.

Just as the unsub ran to leave, you twisted around in Spencer’s arms and drew your own gun, shooting the unsub in the leg. The rest of the team ran in just as the man fell to the ground.

Spencer turned you around so that you were facing him, his hands on your shoulders.

“Are you ok?” He asked, Morgan and Hotch walking over whilst Rossi and JJ dealt with the man.

You didn’t respond with words, instead you wrapped your arms around Spencer. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his own around you, holding you close as you let the tears slid down your face.

You pulled away abruptly, rubbing your eyes as you did.

“Sorry, you don’t like to be touched and here I am-“ You said but Spencer just cut you off.

“It’s fine, really.” He assured you before his attention turned to your neck. The knife hadn’t pierced the skin too badly, there was a small bit of blood where the knife had nicked you when the unsub pressed a bit too hard.

“Are you ok?” He asked again, fingers on your jaw so that he could tilt your face and get a better look.

“Spencer, I’m fine.” You assured him but that didn’t stop him from getting you medical attention the moment you were back in the town.

Spencer watched as you squirmed away from the nurse seeing to you with a soft smile.

There was something about you that made him feel so free, like he could be himself and the thought of losing you…he didn’t want to think about it again.

“You like her.” Derek said as he came to stand next to the younger man.

“That’s ridiculous, I’ve known her for a few days.” Spencer shot back but he knew his friend was right.

“If she’s the right girl, a few days is all you need.” Was Derek’s reply before he walked away, leaving Spencer looking at you with a thoughtful look on his face.

-

The plane ride home was uneventful.

You took the seat next to Spencer again and watched him pull a book out. You couldn’t help but glance down at it, your eyebrows knitting together in confusion as you didn’t recognise the language.

“It’s Russian.” He told you quietly, not wanting to disturb anyone as they settled in for a long flight.

“You read Russian?” You asked just as quietly, watching as he smiled bashfully and shrugged before nodding. You glanced down at the pages again before letting out a small yawn. “Can you read to me?” You asked him, smiling as he nodded again.

“Of course,” He said and with that it wasn’t long before you fell asleep to the soothing sound of Spencer Reid.

-

“Ask her, man.” Morgan said as both he and Spencer watched you leave the office after finishing your paperwork. Spencer too was done and Morgan assured him he’d make sure Hotch received it.

There was only a brief moment of hesitation before Spencer snatched his satchel up and ran to the elevators, getting there just before they shut on you.

“Hey.” He greeted as he stepped in.

“Hi.” You smiled, brushing a piece of hair out of your face.

“I was wondering, I mean if you wanted to, of course you don’t have to, I was only suggesting but I’d really like it if you would,” Spencer rambled before cutting himself out with a groaning causing you to giggle.

“Are you asking me out?” You asked, cheeks flushing as you asked.

“I’m trying to,” he told you, “but I’m not very good at this.”

“Just ask.” You told him softly.

“Would you like to go out with me?” He asked after taking a deep and calming breath.

“I’d love to.” You grinned, thankful that the man had made a move. You wouldn’t have risked asking him on the chance that you were reading him wrong and he didn’t like you but thankfully he had taken it into his own hands.

“Good. Great. That, that’s great.” He repeated, a soft grin spreading across his face causing you to giggle as the doors opened.

The two of you walked out together and there was a moment of awkward silence before Spencer dipped his head down to kiss your cheek, making your blush even more prominent.

You looked so pretty when you blushed, Spencer thought.

“I’ll call you.” He promised.

“I hope so.” You replied before heading towards your car, when you turned around you saw Spencer still stood by the doors with a smile still on his face. You giggled to yourself but couldn’t stop smiling yourself if you tried.

Spencer Reid was something else and you couldn’t wait to learn everything about that wonderful man.

[sour--disposition]

Damage Control

-

harry lewis x fem!reader

-

This is Part 2 to Bad Girlfriend, which you can find here

You looked down to your phone, rolling your eyes at the name and photo popping up on the screen. “Hello”, you sighed, answering the call and sitting back down on the sofa.

“Y/N…”, Ethan trailed off. “We really need to talk to you. Harry’s really not doing well and we don’t know what else we can do to try and help him”, he told you.

You let your head fall back against the back of the sofa, letting out a deep breath. “I know you hate me and the rest of the boys and Harry, but he needs you”, Ethan begged.

“Where are you?”, you asked heavily.

“We’re all at Harry’s”, Ethan told you. “Thank you”.

Within half an hour, you’d managed to navigate the London traffic that separated both yours and Harry’s apartments. You were still pulling the hoodie over your head when you walked into the lift and hit the button for Harry’s floor. Ethan was waiting for you outside of the front door, arms crossed over his chest as he paced around a small section of the corridor.

“Hey”, he sighed, a small ounce of relief seeming to wash over him.

“Where is he?”, you asked instead of a greeting. Ethan nodded, and motioned for you to follow him into the apartment. As you expected, he led you down to Harry’s room. You passed the living room, where a multitude of shoes and coats had been discarded, and straight into the bedroom where the rest of the Sidemen and Cal congregated.

You got a few looks from some of the boys as you walked through the group and made a beeline for Harry’s bed. “Hey”, you whispered, perching yourself on the side of his bed.

Harry looked up at you, tears immediately filling his eyes. He pulled the duvet up and around his face more, trying to hide his blotchy skin and the dried tear tracks that you’d already noticed. “What’s this about?”, you asked him quietly.

“He won’t speak to us”, Josh said, voice laced with frustration and worry. You nodded at him before turning back to face Harry.

“I can’t help if you don’t speak to me”, you told him. 

As much as Harry had hurt you, nothing hurt more than walking away from his front door after returning the cardboard box with his stuff in it. Seeing him like this, as a shell of the person you thought you were going to spend forever with, was crushing.

You rested your palm on the side of Harry’s face, feeling the rough facial hair that had been building up on his cheeks since you’d last left his apartment. “Harry”, you whispered. You left your spot on the side of the bed in favour of kneeling on the floor so you could come face to face with him, chin propped on his mattress. You let a hand rest on his hair, scratching his scalp gently. “Please”.

“I’m so sorry”, he choked suddenly. “I’m so sorry”, he repeated, just as brokenly.

Fresh tears were running down Harry’s cheeks, dampening the pillowcase under his face. “Is that what’s caused this?”, you asked him gently, swooping your thumb down to wipe away a few of his tears. Harry’s nod was barely noticeable. “Will you talk to me about it?”, you asked, voice still just as soft.

Harry’s eyes met yours before darting around the room. You could see when he’d made his decision, recoiling back in on himself. “Tell you what, I’ll bring you a brew and give you a bit and then see how you’re doing”, you suggested, standing up from your spot and turning around to make your way out of the room.

You turned back to the boys, silently urging them out of the room before pulling Harry’s bedroom door shut and walking towards the kitchen to make him the promised cup of tea.

“Shouldn’t someone be in there with him?”, Vik asked.

“No”, you told him simply. “He’s not the best with people anyway but he’ll just be overwhelmed with this many people if he’s this upset”, you explained. As you waited for the kettle to boil, back rested against the kitchen counter, you turned to Cal. “How long has he been like this?”, you asked him.

“I mean, he’s been bad since you left him”, Cal said with a slight edge to his voice. “But he’s been bad since you brought his stuff round”, he sighed.

“Are you saying that this is my fault?”, you asked, voice turning defensive. The six other men in the room stiffened. Cal hadn’t been there for the blowout between you and Harry and you doubted that he’d been informed about anything that was said.

“Maybe this is a conversation for later”, Josh tried to mediate, voice hesitant and wary.

“No, she needs to hear that this is her fault”, Cal defended. “Bog’s in there on his arse because she’s a selfish cow”, he spat.

You scoffed, turning around to busy yourself with making Harry a cup of tea. “Look”, you said, before anyone could step in and cause any arguments. “You can think what you want about me, but I’m just trying to help Harry. If you don’t want me here, I’ll leave”, you told him simply.

Cal was silent after that and stayed out of the way. He refused to look at the others who kept sending him funny looks and he stepped out of your way when you went to take Harry’s drink down to him. Your murmured ‘thank you’ when unacknowledged, but you couldn’t find it within yourself to care.

Harry was in the same position that you’d left him in, bundled up in the duvet staring blankly ahead at the wall. “Here you go”, you said, placing the cup down on the side table, perching on the side of the bed as you did so. Your hand returned to his hair, stroking through the messy, knotty pile of dirty blond. “I’ll come back in a bit, yeah? Drink that and see if you come ‘round a bit”, you told him, letting your hand have one more smooth over his hair before you got up and left.

You paused in the hallway after you’d shut Harry’s door. You let your head lean back against the wall as you tried and failed to fight the tears that had been bubbling just beneath the surface ever since you’d arrived at Harry’s. Seeing him in the state he was in seemed to reopen all the wounds that you’d managed to emergency triage over the last week or so and it ached so deeply that you didn’t know how to cope.

“Y/N?”, a voice asked from down the hallway. You stood up straight as quick as you could, scrubbing the tears off of your face and sniffing unattractively. “Are you okay?”, Josh asked you, coming closer.

“Yeah”, you told him, but your blotchy face and broken voice gave you away instantly.

“Freya told me how hard this has been for you”, Josh whispered, standing in front of you. “I tried to get Ethan to not call you but…”, he trailed off. “I’m so sorry”, he said.

“What for?”, you asked him, running the sleeves of your jumper under your eyes once again.

“Harry told us everything… I hope”, Josh started. “We were all awful to you and we thought we were protecting Harry. You don’t deserve any of that”, he told you.

“Cal clearly doesn’t have that idea”, you laughed sadly. “Me and Harry both kept secrets, we thought it was the best thing for the both of us. If I knew he was this bad…”, you trailed off.

“Come on, there’s a tea for you in here”, Josh said, guiding you towards the living room. He handed you a cup of tea that had been left on the side for you and went to sit down with the rest of the boys. You sat down in the free corner of the sofa, putting your cup down so you could wipe your tears once again.

“Why did you never tell us?”, Simon asked. “How bad he’d got? Why did you let us hate you?”.

“I don’t know”, you told him truthfully. “It was easier, I guess”, you shrugged.

“If we’d have known…”, Tobi started, trying to find the right words. “I don’t know, we’d have done something, though”. Each of the boys looked distressed, seeing Harry the way he was was taking a toll on everyone, but so was finding out the truth after 6 years worth of lies.

“I know that, but I don’t think he did. Or does”, you said sadly. “He’s terrified of disappointing any of you. I was terrified of disappointing him”, you shrugged weakly. “So I did everything I could to make sure that I didn’t”, you admitted.

Talking about it felt like pouring salt in the reopened wounds. “I guess that didn’t work”, you whispered to yourself, but the room was so deathly quiet that you may as well have shouted it.

“What do you mean?”, Ethan asked. “What didn’t work?”.

“Harry’s always deserved better than me, I guess he finally figured that out”, you said, as though it was obvious. 6 of the 7 faces in front of you wore incredulous expressions. “What?”.

“Harry said that he’s always thought you deserved better than him”, Josh told you sadly. “That that’s why he tried to push you away”.

You looked down to the cup in your hands, fingers tapping relentlessly as you tried to process what Josh had just told you without breaking down into floods of tears once again. “I never knew that”, you said, voice cracking around your tears. “I never thought it would end up like this”.

Nobody knew what to say to you. Josh and Simon had an idea from Freya and Talia about how hard this had hit you and you still dropped everything and came running when Ethan told you that Harry needed your help.

“I know I don’t know everything and I probably have no right to even say anything, but it’s painfully obvious that the two of you still love each other”, Josh told you. “You’re the only person he’s interacted with, let alone spoken to, in the last week”, he reminded you.

“What if loving each other isn’t enough?”, you asked brokenly. You could see the pity written across everyone’s face, even Cal’s, but that did nothing to ease the pain that was hacking away at your insides. 

It was clear that no one had an answer, so you sat up straight, took a deep breath and wiped your face. “I’ll be back in a bit”, you told them. “I’ll text someone if we need anything”, you promised.

You knocked on Harry’s bedroom door, but didn’t wait for a response before walking in and pushing the door half shut behind you. The mug on his side table was empty but Harry had curled himself back under the covers. He looked to you when you came in, before letting his eyes drift closed. He looked exhausted, but you weren’t surprised if he hadn’t been looking after himself.

“What can I do?”, you asked, sitting down next to Harry. He only shrugged in response, still not opening his eyes. “Harry, this isn’t safe, baby”, you whispered, letting your hand rest on his face again. You watched as Harry leaned into your touch, moving his head slightly so that as much of your skin as possible was touching his.

“I’m sorry”, he whispered again, voice a little less hoarse than before. “I don’t deserve this”.

“That’s not your choice”, you told him. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to”, you promised him.

“Don’t”, Harry said, voice as harsh as it could be given how weak he was. “I don’t deserve you looking after me again. Don’t lie and tell me you want to be here”, he whispered.

“Okay”, you said. “Sitting here hurts more than walking out the other week”, you admitted. “Because I still love you and seeing you like this is breaking my heart even more than it already is”.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut again, stray tears leaking out of the corners. In a change of plan, you stood up and went to the bathroom, grabbing the comb off of the side of the sink. “Let me know if it hurts”, you told him, before taking a small section of his hair and started working the comb through the very ends, working your way down to the roots.

You sat in the same position, slowly working your way through Harry’s hair, for 20 minutes. You did your best to cause him as little pain as possible, but some of the knots kept snagging on the comb because of how big they were. “Beautiful”, you smiled, putting the comb down on the side before turning back to him.

“Thank you, feels better”, he mumbled.

“I’m glad”, you told him, running your fingers through his, albeit greasy, knot-free hair. “Feel like taking a shower?”, you asked him, knowing Harry would find it hard to resist, especially if he hadn’t showered in a good few days.

“Wanna, but I’m too tired”, Harry murmured.

“Bath?”, you asked him. “I’ll get it running so all you need to do is go sit in there once it’s full”, you offered. You watched as the idea ran through Harry’s mind for a few moments, before he smiled up at you weakly and nodded.

Once you’d set the water running, you wandered back through to Harry’s room, sitting down next to him again. “Things aren’t right without you here”, Harry admitted. “Feels wrong”.

“I know”, you said.

“I wish I didn’t ruin everything”, he whispered.

“Josh said you always thought I deserved better than you, that that’s why you pushed me away”, you told him.

Harry looked confused. “Yeah”, he said, like it was obvious. “You’ve always deserved so much better than I can give you”.

“I always thought you deserved better than me”, you admitted. “How were we together for 6 years and didn’t even cover the basics?”, you scoffed.

“You thought you weren’t enough?”, Harry asked, and you could practically hear his heart breaking even more in his chest.

“You tried to push me away, I did everything I could to make sure I never disappointed you… I guess it was a cycle that just needed breaking”, you said sadly. “Your bath will be ready, go on”, you instructed.

While Harry was in the bath, you dug him out some clothes and a few towels and left them folded up on the sink before returning to his bedroom and finding out a fresh set of bedding.

By the time Harry had dried himself off from the bath and gotten dressed, you’d stripped and remade the bed and shoved the bedding into a laundry basket. “You didn’t have to do this”, Harry told you as soon as he spotted the fresh bedding.

“I know, but I need you to be okay and looking after you is the only way I know to make sure that you’re okay”, you told him honestly.

“Are you okay?”, Harry asked you bluntly, coming to sit on his bed. “Tell me the truth”, he whispered, taking your fingers in his.

“No”, you admitted quietly, eyes trained on your fingers.

“Talk to me”, he said quietly.

“I’m not ready to stop loving you yet but I’m scared that it’s not enough to try and make this work”, you said, eyes burning with brewing tears. “I don’t think I can ever stop loving you”, you croaked, tears finally spilling over and dropping onto your conjoined fingers.

Harry wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you between his legs, tucking your head beneath his chin. He squeezed you tightly as you sobbed unabashedly into his chest. Harry kept his head rested on yours, keeping you cocooned in his frame. It also meant that you wouldn’t be able to see the tears flooding his eyes at the sight of you so broken.

“I know I’ll never be able to stop loving you”, he admitted quietly, lips catching on your hair as he spoke. “I know the second tries have never worked before, but we never actually spoke about what was wrong”, Harry told you.

“Maybe breaking up and getting the whole truth out to everyone was the best thing that could happen for us”, you said weakly. “Well, I say that like you’ve not just had your first shower in a week and I’m not holding things together by a thread”, you snorted.

“I meant what I said”, Harry said suddenly after a few moments of silence. “Things aren’t right when you aren’t in my life. And it’s not just because we’ve been together for 6 years”, he told you. “I mean, like, I’ll see something on twitter and my first thought is that you’d find it funny, and how I nearly started crying in M & S because they were out of your favourite pasta shapes and then I remembered how much you hate M & S so I had to leave before I had a breakdown in the pasta aisle”, Harry said.

“I cried in Asda because I walked past a couple bickering about sushi and whether or not it was nice”, you admitted before laughing through the remnants of your tears as you sat up. “We’ve spoken more today than we have in the last 2 years”, you reminded him.

“Maybe another shot is worth it. You make me too happy to not try”, Harry whispered, resting a hand on your cheek and smiling softly when you leaned into it. “I love you too much not to try”.

Instead of replying, you leaned forward and pressed your lips to Harry’s. “I love you, too”, you whispered against his lips. You kissed him once more before pulling back and smiling at him.

You and Harry walked back out into the living room a few moments later, both still with blotchy faces and drying tear tracks and a few fingers hooked together. Harry ducked his head, a shy smile crossing his face when he saw that everyone was staring at the two of you.

Harry smushed himself into the corner of the sofa and quickly pulled you down to sit in the small space beside him. His arm rested over the back of the sofa, fingers twiddling your hair absentmindedly as you let your head drop to his shoulder tiredly.

“So... you all good, Bog?”, Ethan asked warily.

Harry turned to you briefly, an unmistakable look of bliss settling onto his features when your eyes darted up to meet his. The smile that you gave him pulled all the broken pieces back to the centre and the way you rubbed your cheek sleepily against his shoulder glued them all back together again.

Harry looked back up to Ethan, letting his arm behind your head drop down to cradle your shoulder and hold you to his body.

“Never better, mate”

[my-emotional-self]

Toxic Love Chapter 4

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader x Bucky Barnes

Summary: Finding out your soulmates were Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes was one thing.  But when someone from your past comes back to haunt you, you have to figure out if a relationship with two super soldiers is something you really want to pursue or if you’d rather go back to your comfortable single life.

Series Warnings:  18+, Swearing, Angst, Fluff, past mentions of rape, self-harm, attempted rape, domestic violence, stalking, death threats, possible Dark!Steve?, Steve will be an asshole a LOT in this series but I don’t know how dark it will get, explicit sexual content, mental health issues, kind of A/B/O dynamics but not really (no they are not actual wolves, more like the hierarchy), mentions of suicide, flashbacks of suicide

A/N: There will be no taglist for this story!  I apologize in advance!

The three of you gathered around the kitchen island and ate the pizza.  Well, more like Steve and Bucky inhaled a whole pizza each while you ate two slices.  The pizza was delicious, probably the best you’d ever had and your stomach was grateful for the yumminess.

“Why don’t you tell us a little about yourself Y/N?” Bucky asked as he licked the grease off his lips.

“What do you want to know?” you replied.  

“Let’s start with your family and where you grew up.”

You shrugged as you wiped your fingers with a napkin.  “There isn’t really much to say.  I grew up in a small town in the Midwest.  Both my parents died when I was a teenager.  I never knew my grandparents and I was an only child, same with my parents, so I don’t have any other family.  I moved here when I was 20,” you stated honestly.  Well, mostly at least.  Yes, it was true both of your parents died, but how they died was tragic.  They both committed suicide.  First your mother, then your father one year later.  As far back as you could research, mental health issues unfortunately ran in your family and that was including you.  But you weren’t ready to open up that old wound yet. You were on medication to help it and that was that.  Luckily the dosing you were on worked well and you could only hope you wouldn’t need to adjust your medications anytime soon.  

“We know how you feel doll. Obviously all of our family is gone too. But we can make a new family with the three of us,” Bucky stated as he wrapped his metal arm around your shoulders. You liked the sound of that.  The three of you becoming your own family. It sounded nice.  

You gave Bucky a wide smile, mirroring his.  “What have your past relationships looked like?” Steve announced from the other side of you.  

This was something you had been debating on bringing up.  If you weren’t going to tell them about your mental health issues just yet, you didn’t want to lie and be dishonest about John as well.  Taking a deep breath, you held it in for five seconds before releasing it.  “I’ve only been in one relationship before.  His name was John, John Smith.  He’s in prison right now.”

From the corner of your eye you could see Steve clench his fist; his knuckles cracking in the process.   “What happened?” he growled out.    

“He…he umm.  Well, he hit me,” you said, almost as quiet as a mouse but you knew both men had super hearing and they damn well heard you.  

Steve slammed his fist on the granite countertop making you flinch.  

“Steve!” Bucky barked at him in anger.  “You’re not making this situation any better right now.  Calm the fuck down and let her talk.”  Bucky soothed his arm up and down your back.  “Go ahead doll.   We’re listening.”

Nodding, you began to speak again.  “Things were great in the beginning.  He seemed like everything I could have ever asked for in a man.  I didn’t know if or when I would ever meet the two of you so I decided to live my life and date him.   The first six months were a whirlwind of romance.  He was the most charming man I had ever met.  But then things took a turn when I moved in with him. I was ready to have sex yet, but he was sick of waiting.  That first night I moved in, he…he raped me.”

This time you saw Bucky’s right hand clench on the table in front of you while Steve knocked his chair over as he stood up, pacing the kitchen.  “Go on doll,” Bucky urged, trying to keep the anger out of his voice as best he could for you.

“That was just the first time.  He umm, he did it again for weeks.  I wanted to leave, I really did.  But he was rich and he had security around the house.  I knew I couldn’t just up and leave.  Finally, when he demanded I quit my job, I stood up to him and told him no. That was the first time he hit me. That continued for months.  I was ready to give up on myself.”

“What happened next huh? How did he end up in prison?” Steve demanded as he leaned over the counter, staring at you with those piercing eyes.  

“I got lucky,” you replied. “We were out shopping one day.  He felt bad for the wrist he broke the night before so he took me shopping.  One of the sales ladies escorted me into a fitting room and I slipped her a note letting her know what was going on.  I stayed in the fitting room for as long as possible.  And then I heard them.  The police. The sales lady called the police for me and they took him away.  He’s been locked up ever since.”

Closing your eyes, you let the tears slip down your cheek.  “You were so brave,” Bucky cooed as you felt his lips on the top of your head.

“Look at me Y/N,” Steve demanded yet again and that deep feeling to please him was happening again. You snapped your head up and looked directly into his eyes.  “That will never happen in this relationship. Do you understand me?”  You simply nodded.  “Bucky and I would never hurt you like that.  Ever.  You have our word.”  As soon as he finished talking, he stormed out of the kitchen and down the hallway to where you only assumed was his room.  

“Just give him a minute to cool off sweetheart,” Bucky spoke in your ear.  “Stevie gets pent up sometimes and he has a lot on his plate. He may seem like it, but he’s not mad at you.  I promise.”

You collapsed into Bucky’s chest and softy sobbed.  It felt like a weight was lifted off your shoulders and you were relieved to have told them about John.  “I’m so sorry you had to go through that doll.  That will never happen to you again.  We won’t let anything like that happen.”

It couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes later when Steve emerged from his room.  “How about we go down and show you the communal kitchen and living room.  Give you a little tour.  What do you say?”

A small smile broke across your face.  “I’d like that very much.”

As the elevators opened to the communal floor, you jaw dropped.  If you thought Steve and Bucky’s apartment was big, this was ten times the size. Not only were there ample more couches, the television was bigger and there was a large dining table big enough to sit at least twenty people.  

“Holy crap,” you exclaimed in awe.  

“Yeah, Tony likes to go big if you couldn’t already tell,” Steve joked.  

“You think?” you quipped back, earning a smirk from Steve.  

The entire space was void of anyone except the three of you as Steve pulled you further into the living room.  He explained that the group tries to do a movie night at least once a week.  “To make things as fair as possible, Tony pulls a name out of a hat to see who gets to pick the movie that night,” Bucky said.

“Yeah but it doesn’t really work.  There is still always complaining and bitching from everyone else.  Mainly Clint,” Steve chimed in.  

It made you giggle, genuinely giggle and it felt good.  That hadn’t happened in quite some time.  

Steve and Bucky guided you towards the hallway, explaining that these were the ‘hobby rooms’ of everyone and their soulmates.  Steve opened the door to the one at the end of the all on right left side.  

“This will be your room. You can make it anything you want. But I’m going to guess this will be your game room where you work.”

“That would be correct,” you answered as you turned on the light.  The room was very decent sized and you would have no problem fitting all of your gamer stuff in here.  Hell, there would be a lot of room left over and you were quickly trying to think what else you could fit in here.  

“C’mon.  Let’s go back to our floor and we can show you your room up there.”

On the elevator ride back to their apartment, Steve and Bucky explained who all lived in the tower and who their soulmates were.  Tony and Pepper were soulmates together, along with Bruce.  Bruce was best friends with Tony and more of a brother figure to Pepper. Then there was Natasha, Clint and Darcy Lewis and they were all in an intimate relationship together.  Lastly, there was Thor and Jane but they didn’t stay in the tower too much as they spent most of their time on Asgard.  

Steve stopped in front of your door.  It was across the hall from Bucky’s and right next door to Steve’s.  

“Go ahead and open it,” Steve said with a smile.  “Just place your hand over the screen.”

Taking a deep breath, you did as he said and placed your hand, palm down, on the digital screen where there would normally have been a doorknob.  With a soft click, the door opened for you and you walked into your new place.  It was nothing like what you were thinking. You were honestly just guessing it would be a bedroom, but no, this was an entire apartment.  

Straight ahead was a decent sized kitchen.   There was dark cherry wood cabinet with black granite countertops and stainless steel appliances.  To the left is what you would assume would be the living room, however it was completely bare of any furniture.  As you continued to move through the apartment you found that the bedroom was all the way in the back.  It was a very nice sized master bedroom with the biggest walk in closet and on suite bathroom you had ever seen.  

“What do you think?” Bucky asked as he came up behind you and placed his hands on your shoulders.  

“It’s big,” you replied with a chuckle.  

“I’m going to have Tony’s interior designer email you.  Give him examples and ideas of what you would like and she will make it happen.  Don’t worry about prices.  This is Tony’s gift to you.”

Your eyes grew wide at his statement.  “Are you sure?”

“Yes sweetheart,” Steve replied as he slipped his hand in yours.  “We want the best for you.  Whatever you want this new home of yours to look like, then so be it.  We will make it happen for you.”

~~~

That night as you lay in bed after spending time with Steve and Bucky, you couldn’t help but frown. Things had seemed to be going much better tonight than they did when you first met them two days ago.  Now, you had to pack up your apartment and move. You weren’t really nervous about that part, hell, you were looking forward to it.  But then it meant things were starting to get real.  When things start to get intimate with them, would you be able to let yourself go and do that?  Would things be vanilla in the bedroom? Would you be able to tell them that because the only sexual experiences you’ve ever had was being raped, that you could now only get yourself off on violent fantasies of being raped, or tied up, or choked?  Fuck, what was wrong with you?

[spencesglasses]

sweet creature (spencer reid x f! reader) pt 5

a/n: to anyone still reading after 2 months of silence... here’s a new chapter. as always, ignore any errors and feedback is always appreciated. enjoy <3

part one | part four

The sun brought its wrath on Y/N’s skin as she lies on the red and white quilt blanket beneath her. She extends her hand to the edge, twisting the grass in between her fingers. Letting her hand linger to the patch of Zinnia flowers. She sits up on her forearms and crosses a leg over the other. Reds, pinks, and yellows bloom in the field, and Y/N stared in awe. A noise from her right causes her to jolt up from her spot, clenching her fists tightly. The wind coos in her ear, leaving the hair at the nape of her neck stand. She slowly brought her legs to her chest, resting her chin on her knee, and tries to calm her breath. It’s fine, she’ll be here any minute now, Y/N thought. She released her hold on her legs and let out an exasperated sigh, shifting to the lonely picnic basket that sat at the base of the blanket. She flipped the basket open and let her hand search until she felt the smooth cover of a book. Y/N smiled to herself, bringing it into her lap. She opens the book to find a stray note taped to the back of the cover. Meet me in a field of wildflowers where the sun falls in love with the earth and the moon falls in love with the stars, it read. Her fingers gently trace over the letters as she admired the note, trailing down to the signed “E”.

Y/N closed the book, tossing it to her side, and she felt the corners of her mouth rise when she saw the familiar strands of raven hair. “Hey, you.” Y/N said, holding out her hand for the girl to hold. “You finally made it.”

-

“Hey,” a voice takes her away from the memory. “Are you okay?”

Y/N looked up from the book that was splayed across her lap to meet the owner of the voice and locked eyes with Spencer from across the round table. She nodded softly, the tip of her finger ghosts over the letters of the cover. What was so special about this book? She turned over the cover just as she did years ago, to find the same mysterious note. Her eyes linger on the inscribed “E”, and she huffs in frustration. “Why can’t I remember you?” she mumbled.

“What was that?” JJ asked from beside her.

Y/N closed the book, setting it next to the case file in front of her. She moved her attention to JJ and shook her head. “Nothing.”

JJ and Spencer met eyes, then both looked at the book quizzically. JJ shrugged her shoulders when Spencer tilted his head in wonder. He glanced at Y/N, who was attentively listening to Garcia as she promptly showcased yet another case to solve.

“Last night, this girl, Gina Bryant, flagged down a police car in St. Louis,” Garcia said. “She was wearing nothing but a dirty nightgown, and she was barefoot. And she told them she was kidnapped when she was 8.”

“That girl’s gotta be 19 or 20 years old.” Morgan said.

“18,” Garcia corrected. “And they confirmed her identity. She was a foster kid who disappeared 10 years ago.”

Y/N shuffled through the photos the file contained. “She’s been in captivity this whole time?” she asked, looking up to Garcia, who was nodding her head.

“Long-term hostage. That’s rare. We got another Ariel Castro here?” said Rossi.

“Funny you say that. Not funny ha ha. Funny weird. She told the police that she was held captive with this girl,” she explained. “Sheila Woods, 15 years old, who disappeared from Nashville 7 years ago. Also, she said there was another girl, too, but all she knows about her is that her name is Violet and she was older.”

Y/N brought her eyes to the board of the missing girls from Garcia and bit the inside of her cheek. “You’ve checked the missing children’s database, correct?”

“Affirmative. There’s no Violet anywhere.”

“Did Gina say anything about her captor?” Spencer questioned.

“Just that his name was Tom, and he was an older white dude.”

JJ spoke up. “And where were they being held?”

“This house,” Garcia brought up a photo of the home to the screen. “Gina took the cops there. They brought Sheila to the hospital, very ill with something yet to be determined. Violet nowhere to be found.”

“It’s probably safe to assume that she’s with the unsub.” Hotch said.

Y/N nodded in agreement. “Who owns the house?”

“Oh! That’s where it gets even weirder. This woman, Clara Riggins,” she displayed a photo of the woman. “She’s MIA, but her checking account is active. She pays her bills on time, and if my math is correct, she’s 108 years old.”

“I might be going out on a limb here, but I’m gonna bet she had nothing to do with the kidnapping.”

“The real question is, where’s the unsub and this other girl Violet?” Morgan says.

“That’s what we’re going to find out. Lewis is on a research assignment. Wheels up in 30.” Hotch finalized . He gathered his file and promptly made his way out of the room, leaving the team to follow his lead.

Y/N stood from her seat, gathering her own file and the book that sat by its side. Her feet swiftly brought her to her desk in the bullpen and she opened one of the many draws in search of her go bag. Double checking if she had everything prepared for the trip, she carefully tucked her book between a few belongings, but noticed something peculiar peeking out of it. Y/N furrowed her brows. Never did she notice this. She had found the book a few days ago while searching through her closet for an extra jacket for Garcia. Instead, she found a box labeled with an unfamiliar date. In it, she found the book. It seemed familiar, but she couldn’t pinpoint exactly why. Y/N didn’t think much about it until she’s noticed the the note. The signed note. Why couldn’t she remember anything? And why can’t she remember who “E” is?

She groaned, slipping the item that was nestled between the pages into her fingers. And to her surprise, it was a photo. A photo of her and… the photo was torn in half. Someone else was in the photo, but who? Perhaps it was this “E” person. Though her memory was hazy, she could recall very little of the note and the book itself. She remembered this girl. That must be E, she thought. But who exactly is she, and why can’t I remember her face?

Y/N’s thoughts were cut short when she felt a hand grasp at her waist. Her eyes widened in surprise, and she quickly spins on her heel to face the person behind her.

“Woah, there!” JJ exclaimed, placing her other hand to Y/N’s waist to steady her. “You alright?”

Y/N visibly relaxed, letting out an exhale. “All good,” She placed her hand atop JJ’s and offered her a small smile. “Just surprised me, that's all.”

JJ quirked up a brow, and her eyes trailed over Y/N’s features. “I’ve been calling out to you… you didn’t hear me?”

Y/N inwardly frowned. “Guess not,”

“Are you sure you’re alright?” JJ brought her hand up to Y/N’s face, cupping her jaw.

Y/N covered JJ’s hand with hers once again. This is what made her feel more at home when joining the team. Before she had joined, she had known about the team. Spencer would mention them every now and then when he would stop by to visit her at the shop. He would tell her various stories about the cases they’ve solved, about the people they’ve, along with stories about each member of the team. And she admired them. They were like a little family and at first, Y/N was scared to intrude. She pat JJ’s hand, giving her a tight-lipped smile. “I’m fine, Jayge,” she took JJ’s hands in her own. “Now, we have people to save, don’t we?”

Y/N released her hold on her hand, grabbing hold of her bag. She looked over the bullpen and noticed Spencer awkwardly standing over his desk with his go bag halfway off his shoulder, and a smile formed. She took a step forward, turning to JJ, and offered her arm for her to take. “Join me.” Y/N said.

JJ linked her arm with hers, letting Y/N lead the way to Spencer’s desk, and his head perked up when he saw her. “Y/N…”

“Hey, you,” she held out her arm just as she did to JJ. “You ready to go?”

To Y/N’s surprise, Spencer grasped her hand in his instead. She glanced over to JJ, and she looked as shocked as she was as her eyes went back and forth between the pair and their locked hands. Y/N’s heart sped up a bit when she felt Spencer squeeze at her hand. She had grown used to the feeling of his hand in hers. Every once in a while, they would grab hold of each other's hands if something in a case hit too close to home. It was a comfort for them, though it was something that went unspoken. But each time, she would feel her heart speed up ever so slightly. She shook her head and gave Spencer’s hand a light squeeze back.

-

Morgan, Rossi, and Y/N walked in silence as they surveyed the basement of the home. Y/N’s eyes wander over the room, noticing various arts and crafts that littered the murky walls and blankets and stuffed animals that sat on the abandoned mattresses. She took a step closer to one mattresses when she saw a deep red peeking out from underneath a blanket. Nudging Rossi with her shoulder, she gestured down to the atrocity. He lifted the blanket with his gloved hand, uncovering a large patch of dried blood. The two glanced up at each other and shook their heads, continuing on after Morgan.

They parted ways to investigate different areas of the house, and Y/N found herself in a bedroom. It was tidy, the bed perfectly made, and not a speck of dust in sight. She opened the draws of the dresser, noting the clothes that were neatly folded. Y/N heard footsteps enter the room, and she looked over her shoulder to see Morgan opening the doors of the closet. Just as she had expected. The closet was just as neat and orderly as the rest of the room.

“Look what I found in the kitchen,” Rossi’s voice broke the silence as stepped into the room. He sat the box he held on the bed and Morgan stood beside him.

“Bondage and torture porn.” he reported.

“Also found another tool box in there, that makes three.”

“Well, you saw that guy's woodwork. He’s obviously good with his hands.”

“He must be a carpenter. Maybe a handyman of some sort, but,” Y/N said, keeping her eyes fixed on the closet. “Look at this.”

She beckoned the two to peer inside the closet. “He must have OCD. The closet, the clothes, even the bed… perfectly organized.”

“He wants total control over every aspect of his life.” Rossi stated.

“Makes sense for a sadist.”

“He’s not gonna like it on the run,” Morgan said. “He’s gonna feel powerless.’

Rossi spoke. “And that’s why he took Violet with him. Sheila Woods was probably too sick to travel.”

“You know, Violet was the oldest and helped with the abductions. She was probably his first victim.”

“Perhaps. Or maybe his daughter?”

“Well, either way, she was important to him.”

“You know. I also wonder, what happened to Clara Riggins?” Rossi asked, rounding the bed.

Morgan answered. “The bedroom down the hall is untouched. Looks like it’s been that way for a while.”

Y/N walked around the bed, to the door frame, and peeked her head to briefly view the rest of the house. “He looked after the house. It’s well cared for. Maybe that’s how he found this place,” she turned on her heel to face the two men. “Elderly woman, no family. She must’ve hired someone to fix things now and then. She thought he was a nice guy, does good work, and they build a relationship,”

“You think he took advantage of Clara Riggins?”

“That’s what it seems like. Though he doesn’t profile as a killer, I think he made a spot in her life and waited until she died.”

“And he made sure that she came to depend on him for survival. Just like his victims.”

-

The three of them hurried to the location the unsub’s vehicle was spotted. Y/N sat in the back seat of the van, fastening the FBI vest over her torso. Morgan and Rossi occupied the driver’s and the passenger’s seat. Police cars trailed behind them as they came to a stop and they hurriedly made their way out of the car. Y/N pulled her gun from her holster that sat at her hip and stealthy surveyed the blue van as Morgan ventured to the driver’s side. “Michael Clark Thompson, FBI!” Morgan’s voice booms when he approaches the man. “Show me your hands! Show me your hands! Now very slowly use your right hand to open the driver’s side door. Slowly.”

Y/N and Rossi stayed outside the back of the van with their guns pointed forward. A small voice of a woman was heard, and Y/N gestured for the surrounding officers to be prepared to open the car doors. “Get out the van nice and slow. Keep your hands where I can see them.” Morgan ordered.

She heard Morgan groan in frustration, along with a figure whizzing past him. “Ah, you gotta be kidding me. This guy!” he quickly took off after him and with that, Y/N signaled the police officers to open the back of the van.

She stepped quickly, looking over the inside of the van, and locked eyes with a girl. With her knees to her chest, she scurried backward in fright, heaving with each breath. Y/N returned her gun to her holster and extended her arm towards her. “It’s okay, It’s alright,” she cooed. “We got you.”

-

“Nothing to hide, my ass. He’s full of it.” Rossi scoffed as Hotch informed the team about Thompson’s defence claims. The team occupied the sitting space of the hospital the girls were admitted to, along with Thompson, who was kept contained in a spare room. According to Hotch, Thompson “saved” the girls from their parents and claimed that he had nothing to hide when it came to Clara Higgins. The entire ordeal made Y/N’s blood boil. The man was a pig, and he deserved to rot for his crimes.

“The preliminary M.E. report does suggest that Clara Riggins died of natural causes.” Spencer said.

“I think he’s telling the truth about that. He didn’t kill her.”

Y/N moved from her spot next to JJ and settled on the empty seat next to Spencer. She snuck a glance his way, noticing the wrinkle in between his brows from them being furrowed. She thought it was cute, not that she would ever tell him that, of course. Y/N scrunched her nose and nudged him, signaling for him to pass her to M.E. reports.

“I’m sorry, guys. I can’t stop thinking about Violet,” says JJ. “She could not wait to get out of here. Like, it was urgent. It’s all she could talk about.”

“Well, she’d been held captive most of her life. All this has to be a tremendous shock.” Rossi said.

“No question about that, but that wasn’t it. It’s like she had somewhere specific in mind and she needed Thompson to go with her.”

“Well, he’s conditioned her to depend on him for everything.” Hotch said curtly.

“Exactly. You condition someone by doing something over and over again. Now, we know he repeatedly abused them. I don’t think she was itching to get out of here to go do that.”

Y/N flipped over the documents absentmindedly and tossed her leg over the other. “Perhaps he did something to reward her somehow,” she starts. “What if she has a child? Where else would she want to go so badly…”

JJ gave her a nod of agreement. “Sheila Woods did have a miscarriage. Maybe Violet brought one to term.”

“We did profile that he might be trying to fill some kind of void since he didn’t have a family.” said Spencer.

“Yeah, but Gina Bryant never mentioned any baby.” Rossi pointed out.”

“Violet could have had the baby before Gina was abducted. Gina wouldn’t even know about it.”

“Well, if we’re right about any of this, that means there’s another kid somewhere out there.”

-

Y/N walked behind Rossi and Hotch as they led Thompson to the room Violet occupied. Passing through the halls of the building, seeing the parents of these girls, made her heart break for them. For Violet’s parents, most of all. They’ve spent so many years mourning the loss, just for this sick man to step in and claim their girl as his own. Y/N clenched her jaw tightly, picking up her steps to meet their destination.

“Daddy,” Violet says with a smile.

“Hi, Vi.” Thompson replied.

The interaction made Y/N’s stomach churn, and she let out a deep exhale. “Have a seat,” she spat.

“No, I want to be close to her.”

“Not part of the deal,”

The man turned to her with a deep frown on his face. “Then give us some privacy.”

“No,” she deadpanned. “Sit.”

Hotch pulled out a chair behind Thompson and he reluctantly claimed his spot. Violet’s eyes darted between the agents and the man, gasping when she noticed his arm sling. “You’re hurt…”

“Don’t worry about that. It’s nothing.”

Violet fiddled with her fingers, trying to settle her breaths. “I’m really sorry?”

“About what?” he asked.

“My sisters,” she answered, afraid to meet his eyes. “I had to tell them. Please don’t be mad. I had to…”

“Now, listen, it’s alright, Vi. Okay? It really is okay.” he said sincerely.

“Did you get the groceries yet?” she asked him.

The question made the agent’s ears perk up.

“No, honey,” Thompson says. “I’ve been here the whole time just like you.”

“But can we go now?” she urged.

“I have some bad news,” he lamented. “We- We can’t go there ever again.”

“What? We have to go today! It’s by the disappearing place, we can be fast.”

“You’re right, Violet, but I can’t. These police,” he said, nodding towards the agents. “They don’t think we should be together. They’re going to break apart our family, just like I told you they would. I just wanted to come and say goodbye before they took me away.”

“No! Wait. When will you be back?!”

“Not for a very long time. I would give you a hug goodbye, but they won’t let me.”

“No! I- Please…” she pleaded, inching closer to the edge of the bed. “Please, can I just hug him?”

Y/N shared a look with Hotch, and he gave her a curt nod. She arched a brow at him, brining her attention back to the pair. “Okay.” she said.

She grimaced and looked away as the two embraced. Y/N felt bad for this girl. All the awful things she had to endure… at the hands of someone who claimed to care for her? This poor girl was so stuck in their ways.

“Oh, Violet, I’m gonna miss you,” he whispered in her ear. “I’m gonna miss you.”

He placed a kiss to her cheek as he pulled away, his hand cupping her face in affection. “My beautiful Violet.”

Y/N’s attention shifted back to them when she heard Violet’s footsteps. She was backing away from him… she must have remembered something. Rossi gestured for JJ to bring in the girl’s parents from outside of the room.

“What is- What is this? Who are these people?!” Thompson demanded when he saw the couple.

“These are her parents,” Y/N said sternly.

“And that gentleman right there is her real daddy.” Rossi continued.

“Huh? She knows who her real daddy is. Daddy is the only one who loves you. Isn’t that right, Violet?”

The girl sat there in a silent war with herself. Her eyes flicker between the couple and Thompson for a moment, her face scrunching up in displeasure. “No… my name… is... Amelia.”

“Amelia…” she repeated. “Amelia. Amelia!” The man’s face paled, and he stiffened in posture before she charged at him. Her fists hit his chest in a fit of rage, and the man was trapped between Amelia and the wall. The agents made haste. Hotch and Rossi were on either side of Thompson, and JJ and Y/N wrapped their arms around Amelia’s waist in efforts to pull her back.

“Get off of me!” he shouted.

But regardless of the agent's restraints, Amelia was feverish in her movements. Y/N couldn’t blame her. He was going to get exactly what he deserved. “My name is Amelia!”

Her and JJ were able to pry her off of him and Hotch and Rossi escorted him out of the room. “There is no deal! You hear me?! There’s no deal!”

Y/N wrapped her arm around Amelia’s shoulders and rubbed languid circles as she tried to steady her breath. “You’re okay… you’re okay,” she soothed.

-

The case came to a close, and the four girls were saved. All was well, with the exception of the situation with Thompson. He was brought to his demise when the mother of Sheila Woods shot him. Y/N thought he deserved it. If she were to be honest, she probably would have done the same if she were in her shoes.

Now, Y/n found herself snuggled on the couch of the jet with the same book from earlier that day in her lap. Though the case took her mind off the note, the lack of familiarity was making her frustrated. Not to mention the memory… her mind was hazy, but she couldn’t let it go. Why was this so important to her?

A new weight at the end of the couch made the cushions dip, and Y/N caught Spencer lazily fumbling with a small blanket. The dark circles under his eyes didn’t go unnoticed by her. She watched as he hopelessly tried to make himself comfortable in the small proximity.

“Spencer…” she finally called out to him.

He turns his gaze to her and hums in response. Y/N turned her body to dangle her legs over the couch, placing the pillow on top of her thighs. She tapped the pillow on her lap as an invitation. “Sleep, Spence,”

Spencer hesitated, his eyes flickering between the pillow and her eyes. “It’s fine,” she says. “Consider it as an apology for making you sleep on the floor.”

Spencer smiles and shuffles to his side, resting his head on the soft pillow. “Of course,”

Y/N mirrored his smile, holding in a snicker. The two sat in comfortable silence for a moment, and Spencer’s eyes fluttered shut. “You still owe me another movie night,” he whispered, not bothering to open his eyes. “You know… as an apology.”

She looked down to her lap and saw the corners of his lips curl upwards. “Why, of course,” Y/N poked his cheek. “But now, you need to rest.”

He nodded, nuzzling further into the pillow. The sound of Spencer’s soft snores reached her ears, and Y/N closed her own eyes. She draped her arm over his form and let her head lull back, allowing herself to be engulfed by sleep.

-

a/n: honestly i never intended to ship y/n and jj, but look at me. shipping y/n and jj.

taglist: @measure-in-pain @ceeellewrites @eevee0722

[jjkclub]

before you go

pairing - hoseok x reader

genre - angst

trigger warnings - major character death

word count - 2k words

(based on the song 'before you go' by lewis capaldi)

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"y-y/n.." you heard hoseok say as you locked eyes with him. your throat tightened and your eyes welled up with tears at the sight before you. you and your boyfriend hoseok have been dating for 2 years now and you were happier than ever. since he and the boys had a comeback approaching, he used to come home late, completely tired and wanting to do nothing more than just sleep. 

knowing that he was over working himself unconsciously, you made it a habit to remind him to eat, take breaks and sleep at the right intervals. since your shift ended much earlier today, you had managed to stop by hoseok's favourite restaurant and pick up food for you both as you made your way into the bighit building.

the guards and staff knew about your relationship with hoseok even though it wasn't revealed publicly, which made it easier for you to enter the building without any issues. your first guess had been that he would be in the practice room but when you stumbled upon jimin in the corridor, he smiled at you and informed you that he was alone in his studio.

as you thanked him and made your way over to his studio, you thought you heard some noise coming from inside. you walked closer to the door and found it locked. knowing hoseok's password by heart, you punched in the code and entered the room, your jaw dropping at the sight in front of you. 

your boyfriend hoseok was sitting on his chair with another woman on his lap. he had his hands wrapped tightly around her waist as her hands were curled around his neck, both of them kissing each other passionately as you dropped the bag of food you were holding.

hearing the sudden sound from near the door, hoseok quickly turned around, panting after the make out session when he realised who had just entered. he watched your eyes tearing up as he felt nothing but guilt running through him. 

"fuck, i can explain i swear!" he said, running his hand through his hair in frustration as he pushed the girl off his lap and made his way towards you. "wait…" you heard the girl say which caught your attention. "this is your girlfriend?!" she shrieked out as you saw her guilty expression. she walked up to you hurriedly after she gave hoseok a disgusted look.

"i'm soo sorry, i didn't know that he had a girlfriend. trust me, if i had known, i wouldn't have even gotten close to him. i'm extremely sorry." she said genuinely as she bowed, tears lining her eyes as she realised what a horrible thing she had done. knowing that she was innocent and that it wasn't her fault, you said, "it's okay. i understand. can you please excuse me for a minute?" "of course." she replied as she scurried out of the room. 

once she left, hoseok quickly defended himself, "y/n i promise i didn't mean to cheat on you. it was just one kiss." "JUST ONE KISS?! hoseok i trusted you! i thought you were busy preparing for your comeback, not shoving your tongue in another woman's mouth! you absolutely disgust me!" you yelled out as tears streamed down your face, your head pounding painfully as you looked at the man you once trusted more than anything.

"i'm leaving. i'll have all my things out of your house by tonight. have a nice life." you spat out coldly, each word laced with venom which brought a lump in hoseok's throat. he loved you but he couldn't remember what urged him to kiss that girl. in his state of confusion, he began to think you were over-reacting. as you turned around to leave, he grabbed a hold of your wrist, pulling you closer to him as he shut the door behind you. 

"yah, what the fuck do you think you're doing?! don't you dare touch me. let me go!" "y/n stop over-reacting goddamnit! it was just one fucking kiss! just forgive me this one time, i swear it won't happen again!" at his outburst, you felt anger surge through you. 

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING JUNG HOSEOK?! IT WAS JUST ONE KISS?! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU FOUND ME MAKING OUT WITH ANOTHER GUY?!" you screamed at him, yanking your hand out of his grip as turned around and opened the door "don't you dare come near me. we're over. i never want to see you again." 

you rushed out of the room, tears running down your face freely as you reached the exit of the building and ran out. you didn't know where you were going or where you wanted to go but you knew that you didn't want to be anywhere near him. unbeknownst to you, hoseok was running behind you, trying to grab a hold of you and beg for forgiveness. as you kept running, you didn't notice the signal change colour as you ran across the road. 

you started to feel dizzy from all the crying and exhaustion but you pushed yourself to go to the other side of the road. deciding to call your bestfriend and tell her that you wanted to stay over, you quickly turned to pull out your phone when you noticed a bright, blinding light shining on your face. you raised your hand up to your face to shield your eyes from the harsh light and before you could process what was happening, you faintly heard a voice calling out to you before everything turned black.

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hoseok paced around the small waiting room, crying as he waited for the doctor to come out and give him he news. the news that you were fine and you'd live. a few minutes prior, hoseok saw you get hit by a car, your once warm and bubbly self now lying cold and lifeless surrounded by a pool of your own blood in the middle of the road. at the sight, hoseok felt his soul getting sucked out of his body as he started screaming and crying for help, desperately carrying you in his arms to try and save you.

he managed to get to a hospital quickly but little did he know, he was too late. as you were quickly placed on a stretcher and rushed inside, hoseok was asked to wait while the doctors tried to keep you alive. in the span of minutes, the rest of bangtan had arrived at the hospital to keep him company as paparazzi flooded them, trying to figure out why the biggest boy band in the world were in the hospital. 

the tension was thick in the cramped waiting room. hoseok was now seated on the floor in a corner, holding his face in his hands as he cried out, repeating the word 'sorry' over and over again. namjoon and yoongi had tears in their eyes as namjoon couldn't stop his hands from shaking violently. you were like a sister to all of them. you had been there to support them since the beginning and the thought of never seeing your cheerful face around the dorms was terrifying. 

jimin and jungkook were crying almost as badly as hoseok. they loved you a lot, some might think they loved you more than hoseok did which made it harder for them to process your accident. you were always protective over them, despite you being younger. you always spoiled them and played games with them which made things hurt a million times worse.

jin didn't speak a word at all. he simply couldn't bring himself to. in his eyes, you were the most beautiful, kind hearted and loving person that they had ever encountered. you were always willing to help him with any sort of chores and never said no to anything which he admired about you. he had his eyes shut tightly as he muttered soft prayers over and over again, hoping that you'd be fine.

unlike everyone else's hard state, taehyung was beyond confused at why everyone was crying and waiting at the hospital. when he first heard the news, he couldn't help but laugh. ah, our y/n is back to her silly pranks again, he thought as he entered the car, thinking all of them were going to go for practice or for dinner. when they stopped infront of the hospital, he sensed something bad was happening. now, as he looked around at all the member's crying faces, he couldn't help but burst. 

"yah! what the fuck are all of you crying for?! is it because of that prank y/n is pulling? are y'all that dumb, hyungs? she's just started her stupid pranks again! why do we have to come to the hospital for this?..." his words slowly fading as he took note of the hard expressions on all of their faces. "it is a prank… right?" he asked once again, this time, feeling unsure of his words. 

"taehyung-ah…" yoongi started as his voice started shaking. "it-it's not a prank… y/n has seriously met with an a-accident." taehyung felt his eyes watering at yoongi's words. "hyung, stop it. it's not funny at all. STOP LYING!" he yelled as he felt a few tears roll down his cheeks. "WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE AT THE HOSPITAL THEN, HUH?! WHY DO YOU THINK HOSEOK'S SHIRT IS COVERED IN BLOOD AND NONE OF US CAN STOP CRYING?!" yoongi shouted at taehyung and started sobbing uncontrollably, falling to the floor as he wrapped his hands around his knees and rocked himself slowly. 

taehyung still couldn't believe it. how could his precious y/n have met with an accident? he wondered as he finally started to believe his hyung's words. he started to cry, gripping his hair in his hands as he hoped this was all a dream. he couldn't take it anymore as he stood up, running towards the door of the room you were getting treated in as he started banging on the glass, unable to control his emotions anymore.

after a few minutes, he slowly slid down to the floor, and continued crying into his hands. minutes felt like hours as all of them waited for the doctor to come out and update them about your condition. finally, the door creaked open as everyone's eyes darted towards the door, hoseok rushing to his feet as he stood infront of the doctor. he looked like an absolute mess, his hair was all over the place, his eyes red and swollen from crying and his lower lip bruised badly as he couldn't help but bite them in frustration.

"i'm really sorry to say this but, she's gone." the doctor stated with a crest-fallen expression. the exact words hoseok had been praying not to hear was being told to him, almost mockingly as he burst out in tears again, his heart aching terribly as he pushed the doctor aside and walked into your room. he saw your face and couldn't stop yelling out 'i'm sorry''s as he held your hand tightly. the same one on which he wanted to put a ring and claim you as his forever. 

he could barely recognize you. your usually warm hands were stone cold and your skin was pale which made him feel a pang in his chest. despite the deep gash down your neck, he noticed your lips turned upwards in a slight smile as he cupped your cold face in his hand, crying hard as he felt his world crash around him. 

he felt guilt running through his veins. would none of this happened if i hadn't cheated on her? would she still be here with me if i had held her closer, just for a moment longer? he wondered as he knelt near your bed, his throat going sore as he kept crying and screaming out to you, hoping you'd wake up and tell him that you were okay, you forgive him and that you both could have your happily ever after now but he knew that it was impossible. 

maybe he doesn't deserve to be happy, he thought as he curled his hands into fists, hitting his forehead repeatedly to try and wake him up from this nightmare he was living in cause he couldn't live with the guilt and pain. 

you had died for a mistake he had made, and he could never forgive himself for that.

[incorrectbandofbrothersquotes]

Dear Heart - Chapter 8

Dick Winters x Melanie Davis

Summary: Melanie Davis is a nurse from North Carolina who has lived a sheltered life since her father died. Her father’s best friend, Colonel Sink, invites her to experience more as a regimental nurse for the 506th PIR of the 101st Airborne. She embarks on the adventure of a lifetime.

Tag list: @thoughpoppiesblow​​ If you’d like to be added, let me know!

Word Count: 4.5k

A/N: I hope y’all enjoy this update! Sorry I left on the cliffhanger for so long!

Warning(s): stuff that resembles domestic violence at the end

Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5  Chapter 6  Chapter 7

Chapter 8 here we go!!!

Mentally, Dick was kicking himself. He closed his eyes and tried to forget, but the image of Melanie being pulled from beneath the rubble was all he could see. Her watery eyes as she blinked them open, the soft way she said his name, and how he became absolutely helpless. Somehow, both relief and worry swirled around inside him. He was grateful she was alive but the blood oozing from her hairline couldn’t be good. He was filled with remorse as he recalled how it was Dr. Clarke - he’d learned the man’s name later - who leapt into action and began looking over Melanie. And Dick watched, frozen with the shock of it all. 

He opened his eyes again. The sight of the Bois Jacques replaced his shameful memory. Melanie was safe now, which was what he tried to remind himself. They had gotten her to battalion HQ, where Colonel Sink had given up his own billet so Melanie could have a bed. Another man who could do more for her than Dick could. 

Dr. Clarke determined that Melanie had gotten miraculously lucky. While the blow to her head looked bad considering how much she bled, she only had a concussion. And it was fairly mild. The rest of her body had come through with only scrapes and bruises. Dick was thankful, but still felt an inadequacy about the whole thing. With nothing to do for her, he returned to the line. It had been two days since he’d left her there. Two days of feeling like he failed her somehow. 

“Dick.”

Dick turned his head at the sound of his name. He knew already that it was Lewis’s voice, so he did his best to appear somewhat content. Difficult in this kind of cold, but Lewis was unlikely to pry regardless. 

“Hey, Lew,” he said. 

“You alright?” Lewis asked. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Dick returned. “How’s everything back at battalion?”

Lewis almost smirked. Dick didn’t want to seem like he was asking about Melanie, but Lewis knew he was asking about Melanie. 

“About the same, as far as the war’s going,” Lewis told him. “At some point, we gotta take Foy, but who knows when we’ll get it together?” When Dick only nodded, Lew continued. “Melanie’s awake now. Properly awake. She was sitting up and eating when I left there.”

That piqued Dick’s interest. He faced his friend and tried not to sound too eager. “She was?”

Lew nodded. “She asked about you.”

Dick might have laughed if he weren’t feeling so torn. Of course Melanie didn’t care a thing for herself. But he hardly felt he deserved her concern.

“Did she?” he asked. 

Lew nodded again. “I think you should go see her.”

Dick wanted to see her. Desperately. He just couldn’t bear the thought of facing her when he felt like such a let-down. Then again, she had forgiven him for worse. 

“I probably shouldn’t leave the men,” Dick said, and it was partly true. He also harbored guilt for abandoning them for the sake of Melanie, something he recalled swearing back in Toccoa would never happen. But Melanie meant more to him now than she did back then. 

He realized just how much she meant when a future he had barely hoped to dream of seemed lost. When he thought she was dead, all those visions he had of a pretty white house with his beautiful wife and their children had been obliterated. He knew he loved Melanie back in Paris. Now he realized just how deep that love went. And all his inaction once again haunted him. 

“Go see her, Dick,” Lewis said. “The men will survive without you for a couple hours. Even if they are relying on Dike.”

Dick grimaced at that. He agreed with the sentiment, but he didn’t like to think about Easy in the hands of yet another incompetent CO. While Dike was a step up from Sobel, the improvement was meager.

“There’s a jeep back in the woods,” Lewis said. “It’s waiting for you.”

“Thanks, Nix,” Dick replied, clapping his friend on the shoulder. 

With that, Dick climbed out of his foxhole and made his way to the jeep. It was manned by Sink’s personal driver, which told Dick that Lewis was not the only one eager for Melanie to see the man she asked for. With a sigh, Dick took the passenger’s seat and prepared himself. 

When they arrived at HQ, Dick took a deep breath. The last time he’d been this nervous was when he asked Melanie to walk with him after what took place in Eindhoven. He wondered if she was upset with him. How much had Dr. Clarke told her about what happened, if anything? Her father’s pocket watch suddenly felt like it was lead in his breast pocket. 

HQ was relatively quiet. Dick nodded to the officers he recognized, but didn’t stop to say hello. Now that he was here, he only had Melanie on his mind. He needed to see her. His feet felt heavy as he climbed the stairs to her room. As he approached her door, through the wood, he heard her voice. It was sweeter than any music he’d ever heard in his life. It meant she was really there, alive and well, and his hopes for the future were not dashed. He knocked. 

“Come in!” she called. 

He opened the door to reveal her sitting up in bed, a tray of food on her lap, and - to Dick’s disgust - Dr. Clarke sitting beside her on the bed. Thankfully, her smile was enough to melt any bitterness. And she beamed at him. 

“Dick, hello!” she said. “I’m so glad to see you! Have you met Terry?”

She nodded at the doctor. Dick smiled at her. 

“Yeah, we’ve met,” he said. “How are you, Mel?”

He registered now the bandage on her head, and the other, smaller ones on her arms. She reached out a hand toward him, and his heart ached at the scabs he saw forming on her knuckles. He took her hand and let her pull him closer so that he stood beside the bed. 

“I’m alright,” she said. “You really are a darling to come and see me.”

It warmed him to hear her say it. She was happy to see him. Not disappointed at all. Hopefully, her forgiveness would help him forgive himself. 

“Melanie,” Terry interjected. “The check up.”

“Oh, yes, sorry,” she returned. “Is it alright if Dick stays?”

“Sure,” Terry allowed, looking at Dick. “Have a seat.”

There was a chair behind him, and Dick took it without releasing Melanie’s hand. Terry scooted closer to her, cradled her face in his hands, and looked her in the eyes. 

“Eyes are still lovely,” he said, and before she could offer any sort of rebuff, he continued. “And seem fairly focused. No glassiness, pupils are the same size, all good signs.”

He started to move his hand away, and Dick watched uncomfortably as the doctor slid his hand down her neck, briefly stroking her skin with his thumb before letting go. He glanced over at Dick for a fleeting second, meeting his eye. Dick swallowed every possessive impulse that was churning inside him. 

“Really, I’ve just got a terrible headache,” she said. 

“That’s to be expected,” he said. “Do you remember the accident or the events before?”

“Not really,” she said. “The last thing I remember clearly is…” She trailed off. This was her first significant stint of time awake since the collapse of the hospital. The last thing she could recall was her rejection of Terry on the steps. “Well, when you and I spotted the planes coming. Everything after is a blur.”

“Alright, so there is some amnesia, but it seems like it’s pretty minor,” he told her. “You really are lucky. Best to stay off your feet, relax, and come back to work in a couple weeks.”

“Weeks?!” she protested, and Dick gave her hand a supportive squeeze, which she returned. 

“That’s being generous,” Terry said firmly. “I’d like to have you resting for a month just to be safe, but I know how much you’re needed.”

He placed a hand on her leg, just above her knee, casting another superior look at Dick. To Dick’s immense pleasure she drew her knees in toward her chest, forcing Terry’s hand off. Terry frowned and cleared his throat. 

“Sure you can’t eat anymore, Melanie?” he asked. 

She shook her head. “I couldn’t eat another bite.”

“Here, I’ll take the tray for you,” he offered. 

Dick watched her hand over the tray, the food on it barely touched. He looked over Melanie again, and once more something new struck him. She was thinner than he remembered. Her cheekbones were more prominent in her usually round face. Her collar bones stuck out too from beneath the neckline of her shirt. 

Terry excused himself and left. Melanie turned her full attention on Dick, meeting his eyes. It felt like coming home. It had been far too long since they had seen each other and they were both eager to catch up. 

 “How are you, Dick?” she asked kindly. “And the boys?”

“We’re hanging in there,” he said. “The line is still spread too thin and we don’t have enough…” he trailed off. “Never mind. I don’t wanna burden you with all this right now.”

He wanted to apologize as well, but he knew she’d never understand what for. Nor would she blame him if he tried to explain himself. He held her hand a little tighter. Her brow furrowed with concern. 

“Are you alright?” she wondered. 

For some reason he was disappointed to not hear an endearment at the end of that question. He liked “darling” from the way she said it a moment ago. And now that she was in front of him, talking and holding his hand, those pictures of a post-war life returned to him. 

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just glad you’re safe.”

“Me too,” she half-joked. “When those bombs started coming down I was so afraid I might not -”

Her pale cheeks flushed and she looked away. He swore to himself he’d never take that sight for granted again. 

“You might not what?” he pressed gently. 

“I might not ever see you again,” she blurted out. 

For a fleeting moment, he considered telling her everything - that he loved her, that he saw a life with her, and that he wanted to protect her until the last breath left his body. But he didn’t. He couldn’t overwhelm her just now, and besides, the war was not over. The argument he always had came up again - he could get killed, and where would that leave Melanie?

“I was afraid of the same thing,” he admitted. That much, he would allow himself to say. And the way she smiled at him told him she got his message. Loud and clear. 

“You’ve got no business worrying about me,” she said. “You’re running a battalion.”

None of them are what you are to me. More words he couldn’t speak. 

“Well, they mostly look after themselves,” he replied, forcing his tone to be light. “Y’know, with NCOs like ours.”

She smiled. “Very true.”

A beat passed and he decided to ask one more question on his mind. “Why aren’t you eating?”

“Well, I’m afraid this bump on my head is making me pretty nauseated,” she said. 

“This kind of change didn’t happen in a few days, Mel,” he insisted. 

“Is it bad?” she asked. “I haven’t properly looked at myself in a while.”

“You’re just awfully thin, that’s all,” he said. “Didn’t they feed you at the hospital?”

“Oh, that,” she said dismissively. “Well, I gave away a lot of my meals. I didn’t need it as bad as the wounded did. And we were so limited.” 

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Mel, you gotta eat.”

“I will when I’m feeling better, I promise,” she assured him. “But please don’t fuss over me. I’ll be just fine.”

“Alright, I won’t fuss,” he returned. “Just look after yourself. For me, if not for you.”

“How the tables have turned,” she remarked with a smile. “It wasn’t too long ago I was telling you the same thing.”

He smiled back at her, remembering fondly how she tended to him. How could it be that Carentan felt like it was both years ago and only yesterday? 

“I’m just asking you to return the favor,” he said. 

“I will,” she said. 

He could see that her eyelids were getting heavy, but she fought to keep them open. He wanted her to rest if that was what the doctor ordered.

“Want me to let you sleep?” he asked. 

She met his gaze again. “Are you going to leave if I do?”

He nodded sadly. “I’ve gotta get back to the line.”

Her mouth turned down in almost a pout. She moved her free hand then to cover his, sandwiching it between her palms. 

“Just one more moment, please,” she said, and he was surprised to see tears welling up in her eyes. “Being away from you has been more difficult than I imagined and I can’t bear the thought of it happening again.”

He wondered what was drawing all this brutal honesty from her - the concussion or almost losing her life. Whichever it was, he was moved with sympathy. 

“Alright,” he said. “I’ll stay right here.”

She blinked when she smiled, and a single tear fell down her cheek. She brushed it away as she settled back into her pillows. And Dick remained there with her until she could fight it no longer and she fell asleep. Her eyes closed, her breathing evened out, and she was peaceful. Dick almost wished he could join her. He was exhausted as well. With everything happening on the front and his worry about Melanie, he felt he’d aged about ten years. 

He stood up, slipping his hands carefully from hers, before pulling the blanket over her shoulders. She snuggled down further and let out a deep sigh. He allowed himself to stroke her hair, moving it off her forehead, before leaving. After one last look at her serene face, he closed the door. He was back out in the hall and dreading his next steps. Back outside into the cold, back to the line, back to his worry. 

Before he could make it out, he was stopped. Dr. Clarke stood in the hall, blocking Dick’s path. The doctor looked even less friendly than he did in the room with Melanie, so Dick braced himself for whatever this could mean. Clarke approached.

“Look, I don’t really know you, but I have to say something,” he began. “I think what you’re doing to Melanie is horrible.”

Dick’s brow furrowed. “What am I doing to her?”

“Leading her on,” Clarke explained. “You’ve known her two years now and you haven’t committed to her. Which tells me you’re not interested, but you don’t want her to lose interest.”

Dick was shocked by what he was hearing. It was the first time since knowing Melanie that someone was telling him he didn’t have feelings for her. 

“Doctor, I don’t know what Melanie’s told you, but -”

“It’s not hard to put it together,” Clarke interrupted. “You’ve somehow convinced her you’re worth waiting for. At the expense of people who really care about her. So what is it? Have you...made love to her or something?”

Dick blinked. Several emotions happened to him at once. Further shock at the forwardness of the question. Anger at the suggestion that Dick was that sort of man. And annoyance. He was so tired. Why did he have to deal with this sort of juvenile jealousy when there was a war on? He took a breath to collect himself. Squaring his shoulders, he looked Clarke in the eye, fed up before he even started speaking.

“First of all, anything that’s happened between Melanie and myself is our business,” he began. “Second of all, Melanie doesn’t belong to me. She’s free to pursue any sort of relationship she likes. If she’s chosen not to be with you, that’s not my doing. If I had to guess, it’s because she sees through your bravado. And so do I.”

Clarke huffed. “What the hell does that mean?”

“You march up here and accost me about a situation you’re only guessing at, putting on airs about protecting her,” Dick shot back. “When you were the one who put your hands all over her under the pretense of doing your job. This isn’t about Melanie, it’s about you.” 

“I love that girl,” Clarke insisted, and he took a step toward Dick, who did not step away.

“You’ve got a funny way of showing it,” Dick said. “But if that’s how you feel, take it up with her.”

“You really are a coward,” Clarke scoffed. “You won’t even fight for her.”

“Is that what you’re after?” Dick challenged. “Do you honestly think the two of us duking it out is going to make her love you?”

“She needs to know she has options!” Clarke insisted. 

“She knows,” Dick said levelly. “You’re just upset because she’s made a choice you’re unhappy with.” He was getting impatient now. This sort of thing was for little boys on a playground, not two officers in the US Army. Then, he said something that even surprised him. “I’m not going to fight you for something I already have.”

Clarke flared up at that, but he said nothing. Somehow, Dick defending himself made him realize the truth - that he did have Melanie’s affection, and he felt more deserving of it than before. He was annoyed by Clarke not out of jealousy, but because the man saw himself as more of a threat than he really was. And Dick truly, honestly did not have time or energy to entertain something of so little consequence. 

“And by the way, Lieutenant,” Dick said. “I’m a senior officer. The next time you address me, you will say ‘sir.’”

“Well, fuck you,” Clarke seethed. “Sir.”

Dick chuckled, clapped him on the shoulder, and pushed past him without another word. 

***

Melanie healed up nicely in the two weeks she was out of work. She slept and ate as if she were making up for all the sleep and meals she’d missed out on the last month or so. Unfortunately, she didn’t get another visit from Dick. The death toll in the Bois Jacques was rising, and he couldn’t leave the men now. 

On January 9th, Melanie was finally free from her bedrest sentence. She had been issued new uniforms since the belongings she’d had with her at the hospital in Bastogne were lost to the destruction. Luckily, she’d thought to leave her valuables - including the dress from Dick - in Colonel Sink’s care, and they were safely in his billet. The fresh fatigues were surprisingly comforting to her. She preferred the dresses and heels, but they were no good in the cold and snow. She was getting ready to put up her hair when there was a knock on her door. 

“Who is it?” she called. 

“It’s Terry!”

“Come in!”

The door squeaked open and Terry stepped through, closing it behind him. She abandoned her hair and turned on her stool to face him. 

“I’m glad you stopped by,” she said. “I wanted to thank you again for taking such wonderful care of me. With all the wounded, I know it couldn’t have been easy.” 

“Nonsense, I was glad to do it,” he replied. 

He paused a long moment and looked at his feet, which caused him to sway a little, but he didn’t fall. Her brow furrowed as she stood up and went to steady him. 

“Are you alright, Terry?” she asked. 

He looked at her again and she realized right away what the problem was from the smell of bourbon on his breath. 

“I’m fine,” he replied, waving a dismissive hand in her face. “Look, Melanie, before Bastogne got bombed to hell, you and I were talking about something.”

She held back a sigh. She had hoped that he’d gotten the message back then that there was someone she loved. But clearly he wasn’t letting it go. 

“Terry, I’m sorry,” she said. “But there’s no use in discussing that any further.”

“No, listen to me,” he said sternly. “I’m telling you, love is wasted on a man like Dick Winters. Especially your love. You deserve someone who is ready for you - right here and now. Someone who wouldn’t let something like a war stand in the way of loving you.”

She frowned, stung and affronted. “That’s a cruel thing to say. You don’t even know him.”

“I know you,” he returned. “And I know that he’s breaking your heart. That’s enough not to like him.”

“You’re sadly misinformed if you think -”

“I love you!” he cried. “And I could give you the life of your dreams after the war if you’d only give me a chance!”

She blinked. Such a confession should have been flattering, but the feeling she got from him made her hair stand on end. He was not saying it out of genuine feeling, he was saying it to win an argument. And that didn’t feel very much like love. 

“Terry, what you want from me are words I can’t say,” she replied gently. “Would you really have me accept you and live a lie?”

“You’d learn to love me, I know it,” he said. “I just want you for myself.”

There was a dangerous gleam in his eye at those words that made her take a step back from him. He stepped closer. Her stomach turned. 

“I think you should go now,” she said timidly. “You’re upset, you’ve been drinking -”

“Give the diplomacy a rest, Melanie,” he spat. “I’m going to say what I feel and you are going to listen!”

She sighed. “It won’t do any good, Terry. I can’t change how I feel.”

“God-DAMMIT!” he bellowed, shoving the dresser beside him so hard several of the knick knacks toppled off of it. Melanie gasped and jumped back, breathing heavily. “Do you see what you do to me, Melanie?”

“I - I haven’t done -” she stammered, but he cut her off. 

“Just the thought of you with him!” he growled. “With ANY MAN!”

To emphasize that point, he snatched a framed photograph off the same dresser and hurled it across the room, right over her head. The glass shattered against the opposite wall, drowning out Melanie’s yelp of surprise. She covered her face with her hands to protect herself from the shards. Before she could say anything in return, he picked up a small globe and threw that at her as well. She ducked to avoid it, and the base snapped against the wall. The globe rolled under the bed. 

“Terry, stop it!” she cried. 

He moved even closer to her. She tried to recoil, but he snatched her by the wrist and yanked her towards him. With his free hand, he took hold of her face, his fingers digging painfully into her cheeks as he pulled her within inches of him. She could feel his breath on her skin. A whimper escaped her at the pain of his grip, but she couldn’t look away. She was frozen, trembling at the thought of what he might do next. 

“I could crush your skull, you know,” he warned. “Right against that vanity. Would that get Dick Winters out of your mind?”

Her eyes went wide, but because of his hand, she couldn’t answer him. His palm covered her mouth. She couldn’t even call for help. She could only shake her head and plead with her eyes. He moved his hand and she drew breath to scream, but he was too quick. He grabbed her by the throat and slammed her into the wall. She winced and prayed for someone to hear the commotion and put a stop to this. 

For a brief moment, she remembered when Corporal Biding tackled her that night in Toccoa. She recalled how frightened she’d been before she realized he was no real threat, he had just made a drunken mistake. Nothing like now. While Terry had been drinking, he was far from drunk. And she was so much more afraid. This was an intentionally vicious attack. She saw in his eyes something sinister and heartless. And of course now, Dick and Easy Company were not going to come to her rescue. 

Her vision got blurry as he cut off her air. She thought of Dick and how much she’d relied on him after the Corporal Biding incident. She wished he was here to help her again. But he wasn’t. And she was not that scared little girl she was in Toccoa. She had survived D-Day, Market Garden, the bombing of Bastogne, and she’d be damned if she let this pathetic excuse for a man get the best of her. 

With all her might, Melanie shoved her knee between Terry’s legs. He groaned at the impact and released her as he doubled over. She took a moment to gulp in fresh air before she reared back and slapped him hard across the face. The sound cracked like a whip. His head lurched back, throwing him off balance enough to stumble. Melanie, adrenaline coursing through her, wasn’t satisfied, so she shoved him, which made him fall to the floor, landing on his rear with a grunt.

“Don’t you ever put your hands on me again!” she yelled.

While he licked his wounds - and his pride - Melanie gathered the last of her things in silence. Rage compelled her every move as she shoved her belongings into her bag. He was still on the floor when she marched for the door. She opened it to reveal Colonel Sink behind it, fist raised, about to knock. He shot her a confused glance as he took in the scene - Melanie, stormy and furious, and Terry in the fetal position on the floor of her room. He noticed as well, the broken trinkets from the unfortunate family who lived here previously. Sink’s eyes flicked between Melanie and Terry. 

“Everything alright up here?” Sink asked. 

“It’s fine,” Melanie said shortly. “Get me out of here, please.”

“Certainly,” he assured her. 

He put a protective arm around her shoulder and led her away. When they made it down the stairs, she stopped him, turned into his chest, and burst into tears. He held her close, patted her on the head, and let her cry. He didn’t ask her what happened, and she was grateful. She never wanted to relive that scene if she could help it. She looked up at Sink with desperate eyes.

“Please don’t make me go back to the hospital, Colonel,” she pleaded. “I’ll do anything else, but I can’t work with him again.”

“Actually, I was about to offer you a change of scenery,” he said. 

“Like what?” she sniffled.

He sighed and looked away, which told her she wouldn’t like it. “The Bois Jacques.”

[victoria-daydreams]

Of Vices and Virtues

Chapter Thirteen: The Ballad of Claudia Walker

AN: This is a continuation of the last chapter, so it’s still gonna be dark, but if I remember correctly this should be last chapter that’s like this.

Word Count: 5.1k

Trigger Warnings: physical/mental abuse, torture

Taglist: @azayamari

Chapter Fourteen: A Never-Ending Nightmare

"I can't do this," I breathed, before turning to Charles, shaking my head. "I can't do this," I repeated, putting my hand to my mouth as I backed away from the two men next to me. "I-I n-need to get out of here!" I exclaimed, clenching my eyes shut in an attempt to remove myself to escape the memories I've buried for so long.

I began to feel hot and dizzy. I felt like there were walls closing in on me and I had no escape.

"Calm your mind, Claudia," Charles advised gently, but I only felt the hammering of my heart in my chest intensify. "Claudia, look at me, you need to calm down. Claudia!" Charles grabbed my arms, yanking me from my own head and my eyes snapped opened. I began to hyperventilate, eyes focusing on everything and nothing as the telepath took my face in his hands and forced me to concentrate on him. "Claudia, you need to calm down or you're going to split your mind in two," he explained, his face twisting in pain. "Your mind is screaming so loud you're hurting me," Charles said through gritted teeth.

"Make it stop," I begged, searching his eyes. "Please, make it stop," I whispered, grabbing his hands and placing them at my temples.

Charles looked at me, his eyes wide and sympathetic, "Love, I've tried and nothing has worked. I push any harder and the results might be disastrous for the both of us," he explained, his hands drawing back to his own temples. "It's almost like your mind wants you to work through these unpleasant memories, because it's something that needs to be done," Charles' soft voice whispered in my ear.

"I don't want to remember," I gritted out, trying to stop the panic from rising in my chest even further. "Just make it stop," I whispered.

"It's okay," Charles coaxed. "You're going to be okay," he assured, gently grabbing both of my hands. "You just need to calm down,"

I ripped my hand out of his, focusing on something calm. What was calm?

"You don't know. You don't know what he made me do! You don't know what a sick bastard he was. I do," I breathed, my chest heaving.

Erik and Charles stared at me sympathetically and as a drop of water fell from my chin I realized why. I'd been crying. Angrily wiping my face with my hand, a frown formed on my face as the three of us were thrown into another memory. We were in a foyer of a house. I found myself turning my head from left to right multiple times, my breathing heavy and labored. Most people would love to have a house as big as this one, with the supposed openness and modern facilities that are pleasing to the eye. Yes, I can see that, but with the merciless and cruel encounters I have had here, I don't share the same opinions as the majority.

Truly, it was a nice space...one of which many would be proud of claiming ownership of, at least that of which I have actually seen. The floors were made of beautiful, stained wood and the walls painted a lovely crimson give an aristocratic aura to the house. At least, apart from the basement corridors that I know by heart. Those claustrophobic walls were a miserable gray and were accompanied by the dulled and creaky russet floor.

Two sets of footsteps echoed in the hallway moving away from us, unconsciously I began to follow behind them until I was standing on the backyard stoop. The light from the sun was shining brightly and it was almost an enchanting light. There wasn't a cloud in the sky that could block it's majestic rays. And there stood Professor Lewis and myself in the middle of his backyard.

"Claudia, I want you to use your telekinesis to lift each of the objects on the ground," Professor Lewis pointed to a tennis ball, baseball, basket ball, brick, and cinder block. The object grew larger and heavier. "Once you lift them, I want you to psychically push them into those baskets ten feet away. This will help you learn how to levitate and also toss objects of varying weight. It will also help you regulate how much power you need to lift certain weights,"

"I understand," she answered calmly, nodding her head as a smile appeared on her lips.

But she was anything but calm and enthusiastic. She was going into this kicking and screaming. She was nervous. Jumpy. Stressed. Frustrated. Lost. Found. Happy. Sad. She wanted to vomit. Her mutation was unpredictable and uncontrollable. That wasn't until a pair of hands placed themselves on her waist from behind her, almost grounding her in a way. Professor Lewis leaned down to her ear and whispered something that made the two of them laugh, and just before he released her waist Professor Lewis pressed his lips to her cheek.

"You'll do fine," he murmured.

I could feel the burning stares of Charles and Erik on the back of my head.

"He really played me like a fool," I whispered, shaking my head in disbelief at my younger self's stupidity and naivety.

"You two were together," Charles stated gently. "You were a couple," he added, his voice never taking an accusatory tone.

A humorless chuckled escaped from me, "And I have wanted to throw myself in front of a bus because of it," I confirmed, looking down at the ground biting my lip

Feelings of sickness, disgust, and shame spread throughout body as I remembered how readily I ate up his little praises. He gave me all the validation that I so desperately wanted as a child from my own parents. It wasn't long before his seemingly innocent compliments turned into something more; the lingering stares and touches to the kisses on my hand or forehead. And I foolishly allowed his affectionate gestures to escalate, thinking that I was in love with this man. So, when Professor Lewis declaration of love for me came out during a candlelit dinner I was so overcome with emotion from his "tenderness" that on the same night, I gave myself to him, willingly.

And that's when he had me ensnared, ensnared into his web of lies.

I was young and dumb and couldn't see the clear manipulation and grooming that was going on. No, I was too busy being a lovesick fool. He promised me that he would never, ever let harm come to me while I was with him, and I believed him. But everything he promised me was a dirty, filthy lie. I remembered.

I remembered every fucking thing he did to me.

"Did you love him?" Erik asked.

"Yes," I answered softly, turning around to face Charles and Erik. "But I had learnt very quickly that his love for me was all a facade," I recalled.

Just remembering that I had consensually slept with Professor Lewis made want to puke. I watched as Professor Lewis' backyard and everything around it seemingly disintegrated before us only for our surroundings to change into a small library. We were still on Professor Lewis' property, but it was a different time, a different date. If my memory serves me correctly then this is when I began to realize Professor Lewis was not the sweet, loving man I thought he was.

"You would be...in my mind?" Professor Lewis could see that she was wrestling with her own doubt and he was worried that her fear would get in the way of their training. At last, he saw Claudia nod in agreement, but her features were tightened in anxiety.

"Relax,"

Her expression was anything but calm, and he decided that it couldn't be helped. Keeping his eyes locked on hers, he pressed two fingers to his temple and pushed forward into her mind. Claudia knew the second Professor Lewis' mind merged with her own. The moment it happened, she was overwhelmed with such a sense of fear that it was difficult for her to think about anything else. She could feel him in her thoughts, and the foreign presence had such a sense of wrong to it that she gagged in disgust. It wasn't right. Her mind was her own.

"No!"

Claudia abruptly and backed away from her mentor, nearly tripping over the foot rest that sat behind her. Claudia wasn't sure whether her words were spoken aloud or inside her head, but the minute they were said she felt Professor Lewis withdraw.

"I can't do this," she couldn't meet his eyes, couldn't bear to look and see what surely would have been disappointment.

Perhaps he was angry with her for not following through. Before he had a chance to say anything to her, Claudia turned and fled from the room, not bothering to close the door behind her. But Claudia could still feel the lightest touch of Professor Lewis' emotions. And a sudden wave of anger bombarded her mind from the other side of the wall, making her gasp as one thought crossed her mind.

"There would be hell to pay for that," I stated, repeating the thought I had.

"Stand up!"

The sharp words made us all turn around, only for us to witness another memory of mine. We were standing in a small study, I watched as my twenty year-old self tried to force her body to cooperate.

She could feel the security guard's irritation before his hand came down across her cheek. She stumbled and nearly fell again, when hands caught her.

"Now, now, be nice. She's just a girl," the words were kind, but the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. It was Professor Lewis. He always had kind words for her, but his emotions didn't match up. She swallowed hard and moved away from him. The guard left them alone, like they normally did. "Now, Claudia, are you feeling better than yesterday? Will you use your powers again?" It was the question he asked every day.

She stared at him, tears swimming in her eyes, "Please, please let me go. I've done all your tests, you can keep the money. Please, just let me go!" she pleaded, tensing herself as his disappointment that barely covered rage washed over her. "Ah, Claudia, you disappoint me. What would your parents think of you, a college dropout?" he just sighed and rang his bell.

She closed her eyes as sobs wracked her body. Two security guards grabbed her roughly from the room, ignoring her squeak of pain as they gripped places where the shackles had dug into her skin and made marks.

"Take her to the lab,"Professor Lewis ordered, as she was dragged away.

I unconsciously rubbed my wrist and traced my the scars on my wrist, I turned away and stared at Erik and saw his jaw clench as Professor Lewis walked out his office, I looked over and watch Charles' horrified expression. Time seemed to speed up as if someone hit the fast-forward button. Now we were in the lab.

As my younger self came to consciousness, she barely had time to regain her senses before all she could think about was the intense, sweltering heat that slowly seemed to be eating her alive like some ravenous animal that had no control over it's appetite. Her blood boiled beneath her skin, bringing silent screams up her throat though she couldn't set them free due to the fact that her body refused to allow her control because of the drugs swimming around in her system.

Throat running dry from constricted sobs and body aching from the endless thrashing against her restraints, she laid on a metal laboratory table. Feeling the ever rising panic claw at the edge of her psyche, she made another attempt to get of the table and get out, as far away as she could, but the minuscule motion caused fire to spread in her muscles, and breathing came even harder.

Broken ribs.

Forcing herself to move, she brought a hand gently to her face, feeling dried blood there, from a gash near her hairline. Her shirt was also stiff with dried blood, caused by the blood that trickled out her nose. Moving to her abdomen, she felt the tender bruise that had been caused the last time she fought, and staring at her hands, she saw black and blue bruises mixed with dry blood.

"Well, well, look who decided to join us," an oily voice announced. "Hey Robert, the girl's awake,"

Turning her head, she saw the raven haired man known as David. Glancing at her with piercing grey eyes, he leered at her in a manner that made her feel dirty, effectively putting her on her guard, her focus sharp, despite the headache that was making her dizzy.

"Leave her alone, David," the other man named Robert commented. "Professor Lewis will kill you if you hurt her," he added, not looking up from his clipboard.

"I'm not going to hurt her," David sneered, inching closer, reaching out and touching her face. She flinched. "I just want to have some fun with her, that's all,"

"Your idea of fun won't be hers, David," the other man spat. "Go. Tell Professor Lewis she's awake," he ordered.

With a growl at being ordered around, the other male left angrily.

Our surroundings shifted again.

"So, you would abandon me, your fellow mutant, for a race that will try to destroy you?" Professor Lewis said menacingly, looking down at the girl before him. "You disappointed me again Claudia. I thought you were better, wiser. To think that I've given you everything since we met. A second home, education, training, and this is how you thank me. By disobeying me. Your parents would have been ashamed of you"

"B-Bringing up my parents doesn't work anymore, Professor Lewis," she stammered, mentally kicking herself for not being able to sound confident and strong. Every time she and Professor Lewis had an argument her voice would turn shaky, making him assume she was afraid of him.

And she was but her anger had the upper hand.

"That sounded very convincing," Professor Lewis snickered. "Claudia you care so much about humans, but have you forgotten that you have made humans beg for their death countless times?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

Claudia glared at Professor Lewis, he wore a mocking smile on his face, "You made me do that Professor. I would never have used my power in that manner if it weren't for your teaching methods," she remarked, narrowing her eyes at him.

"You wouldn't have any power if it weren't for my teaching methods, Claudia,"

"Well maybe I would have preferred it that way, Professor," she retorted.

Professor Lewis' eyes narrowed, "I think we're done for now, we'll talk again tomorrow," He turned around and walked towards a liquor cupboard to get himself some nice scotch. "I'll tell that nice gentlemen, David, to escort you to your room," the amusement was clearly audible in his voice.

He knew Claudia hated David with every fiber of her being.

I watched as the memory faded to black, just like a movie I would see at the theater. This is what all this felt like, one long movie about my life. Then everything around us turned bright as a golden dust rippled in front of us horizontally in a tidal wave fashion until they both clashed at one another, meeting at the center.

Professor Lewis and Claudia were on the rooftop of one the many university buildings, leaning against the ledge as they overlooked the rather empty campus. Night had fallen and the moon had risen above the quiet campus grounds.

Oh God, not this night. This was the night that I knew there was a darkness within me, maybe it was always there, but lying dormant, or maybe Professor Lewis planted the seeds for it to grow within me. It was one year since I'd met him and with his training I had quickly learned to control my empathy and telekinesis, and found it necessary to teach myself how to build mental shields to block out Professor Lewis if I wanted to stay sane.

"You know what today marks Claudia?" Professor Lewis asked, looking over at her.

"I do not," Claudia answered, shaking her head. "Please enlighten me," she said, as the warm night air ruffled her hair.

Professor Lewis lifted his hand and brushed stands of hair from her face, "Today, is the one year anniversary of me being the luckiest man by meeting the most lovely and powerful creature on this planet," he proclaimed, running his thumb down her cheek.

A gloom yellow light glinted over the two, so Professor Lewis could maintain eye contact with the woman in front of him. A delicate smile splayed on her lips, as her brown eyes hold onto his.

"You sure know how to make a woman feel special," she snorted, turning her body to face him.

He turned his body as well, "My methods have made you stronger have they not?" he asked, arching a brow.

"Yes," Claudia answered stiffly.

Professor Lewis grinned at her, "Then that's all that matters," he agreed, as he placed his hands on Claudia's hips pulling her closer. "As a matter of fact, why don't you show me how far you've come since being under my tutelage," he suggested, still smiling at her.

"Fine," Claudia agreed mirroring his smile. "But, only because you're cute," she added, a wicked smirk now forming on her lips.

"Atta girl," he cheered, placing a quick kiss to her lips.

Claudia smiled, and while still looking right at him, she moved her fingers. Wisps of purple aura slowly slithered upwards Professor Lewis' body and his eyes widened as he watched the energy spread all around him. Professor Lewis couldn't move. He had forced her to use this side of her mutation over and over again to make it stronger and now it was used against him.

"Claudia, what are you doing?" Professor Lewis asked, and for the first time she seen an emotion that he never expressed.

Fear.

"I'm going to do what I should have done a long time ago," she answered, lifting her hand up and drifting Professor Lewis from the safety of the rooftop to dangling him over the ledge of the building.

"Please dear, let's be reasonable," Professor Lewis pleaded, sounding slightly shaky.

"No," Claudia answered simply, her smirk only widened as she read his emotions like an open book, confusion, fear, desperation. "You never offered me the same courtesy," she reminded, a humorless chuckle escaping her body.

"You kill me then what Claudia? You were nothing without me! You were nothing but a scared girl!" he snarled.

"I think I will manage without you just fine," She assured, flashing him a faux smile. "It's like said you earlier, under your tutelage I have grown stronger," she repeated mockingly, before releasing her hold on him.

I watched as Professor Lewis dropped from our sights. There was an abrupt scream of terror from Professor Lewis before it was cut off as his body hit the ground with a sickening thud. My younger self causally strolled to the ledge and peered and we followed behind her. The sight was a grim a one.

Professor Lewis was surrounded in a puddle of his own blood, his limbs bent in unnatural ways.

"My God," Charles commented, his face ashen.

Laughter bubbled out of my younger self, and we turned to look at her, her shoulders shook with laughter.

"Goodbye Harry," Claudia said coldly and she walked away.

Turning her back against her teacher and her fellow mutant.

An earsplitting scream of horror reverberated the air, but not once did that seem to bother her, she continued walking and with a flip of her hair she slipped back into the building.

"I've never felt so exposed except with my time with Professor Lewis. What will they think of me now? Will they think I'm a monster? Will they-" I thought, and my breath quickened.

The world around us becomes clear once more and we're back in the library I collapsed, hyperventilating, gasping for air. I turned to my friends and I can't tell if their faces are those of pity or disgust. I pulled myself up, stumbling everywhere, and run as fast as I can away from them.

~~~x~~~

I could sense from Charles' emotions that he had approached my closed door, and waited outside for several minutes, until he tapped softly on the door, calling out gently.

"Claudia, are you in there? It's Charles,"

When he was met with no response, I could hear Charles tightened his grip on the doorknob.

"Claudia, I'm going to come in now. If you wish to be alone, please indicate so and I will leave immediately," Charles' statement was met with nothing but silence once again, so he turned the handle of the door, opening it slowly.

When the door had been opened, my back was facing him as I stared out the window blankly, tears flowing freely down my face. Charles stood in the entryway, before closing the door behind him. Stepping forward uncertainly and receiving no reaction at all from me, Charles walked across the room towards window I was facing, covering the area in several long strides. He knelt on his knees next to the bed so that he was looking directly at me.

I could tell Charles was unsure of what to say, so I broke the silence first, "You know I got away with the murders?" I asked raspily, finally looking at Charles.

Charles' furrowed his brow, "What?" he asked bewildered.

"Confusion is a funny thing, especially if you have the power to manipulate it. John was so very confused, he didn't know I was a mutant. So I exploited his confusion and I convinced John that it was a murder-suicide, James was friends with those boys at one point, but stopped hanging out with them once he met me. I told John that's the reason they killed him, and then I lied about one of the boys being the ‘freak’ and that he killed the trio out of bloodlust after killing James, shortly killing himself out of guilt," I explained, scooting over and patting the bed so Charles could sit on my bed.

Charles stood up and gently sat on my bed and reached out, softly wiping the tear streaks from my face with the pad of his thumb.

"Claudia, love, I'm so sorry-I-" Charles started.

"You didn't know?" I finished, raising my eyebrow expectantly. "Well, now you why I don't like people in my head," I stated, letting out a sigh. "I can't begin to describe to you the horror that comes with knowing that your mind isn't as safe as you think it is," I commented, briefly closing my eyes.

"I just never would have guessed these things happened to you, when we first met, you were so carefree," Charles explained, his hand now moving to my hair and stroking it.

"What did you want Charles? A big flashing sign, saying 'I've had a traumatizing life'," I retorted, tilting my head slightly. "Charles, there aren't many people who care about the plight of a colored woman in America, what makes you think they would sympathize with a black woman who's also a mutant?" I questioned, dropping my gaze to my hand. "I swallowed a bitter pill by coming to the realization that no one will truly care about me," I finished, looking back up at Charles.

"You're wrong," he corrected, he spoke gently, never breaking his gaze away from mine. "I care about you, and so does everyone in the mansion," Charles insisted.

He started rubbing soothing patterns on the back my hand with his thumb, Charles lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles just as someone knocked twice before entering. The now familiar undercurrent of anger told me it was Erik. But I didn't want to move my hand from Charles', the warmth, the comfort, and affection wrapping themselves around me were too blissful to bring to an end. I turned my head to look at Erik, slipping my hand from Charles', I shifted from me laying on my side to pushing myself up to leaning the headboard.

"Are you alright?" Erik asked gently.

"I've been better," I answered, as Erik took a seat at the foot of my bed. It was silence between the three of us and I stared down at my hands, suppressing the urge to raise a hand to my lips and bite my thumb. "It's like you said Charles..." I stated, trailing off and the two of them looked at each other confusion.

"What?" Charles asked confused.

"The night you two recruited me," I began, looking between the two men. "You said, 'There is danger within me,'" I recited, looking at Charles and his eyes widened.

"Claudia I-" he started.

"I'm not mad Charles," I interrupted, shaking my head. "You're right. I've hurt people," I admitted, my mouth forming a thin line.

"We understand," Charles assured me, his kind eyes staring into mine.

My lips quirked into a small smile before I cleared my throat, "There is something that I should tell you two," I stated.

"And what would that be?" Erik asked curiously.

"When I killed those boys when I was younger, I should've been upset, but it was cathartic. I enjoyed it," I answered truthfully, my eyes shifting between them to gauge their reactions.

"They had just murdered your boyfriend in front of you, it's understandable Claudia," Erik justified.

"No, Erik, a normal person would swear to never use their powers in such a way again. But not me, I rather liked the idea of being able to control people. And when Professor Lewis-" I started.

"When he abducted you?" Erik asked motionlessly, cutting me off. "He used you, tortured you?"

"No Erik, I agreed to go with him. And that's a mistake I will always regret. He was one of us," I explained softly. "I thought I could trust him," I added, shaking my head.

"He was a telepath, like me," Charles stated looking over at me.

My voice and body and emotions becoming detached as I nodded, "He took it slow, got me to trust him, to love him. That's when he started the tests on my abilities. His favorite way was through illusions. In one instance, I was trapped in one of his illusions, thinking I was having the best night of my life with some handsome stranger after escaping from him, when I was really kissing one his lab assistants. The only reason the illusion, broke was because of the lab assistant lied, and I know when someone is lying to me. He strengthened my powers," I paused, taking a deep breath to compose myself. "It was brilliant, really," I finished, shaking my head side to side.

"It was a vile, manipulative, twisted, sick endeavor!" Erik spat. "He turned on his own kind!"

"His own kind," I repeated bitterly. "No. He wasn't one of us. A mutant, yes. But not one of us," I forced a smile, nudging him with my foot. "We're the good guys, Erik. Like Captain America, but cooler," I quipped.

Erik rolled his eyes, looking at me with a sort of spark I had never seen before.

"I have to ask," Charles started, breaking my concentration from Erik. "Was there ever an investigation?" Charles asked.

"Yes, it was a brief one, but it was ruled a suicide," I explained, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "I hope you two don't think I'm a monster now," I sighed.

"Of course not," Charles stated sincerely, grabbing my hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

There was a knock at my door before it opened revealing Raven's petite figure. She looked at the two men who were sitting on my bed, and I felt a wave jealousy wash over me, which confused me.

"If you're not occupied, Charles, can we talk in private?" Raven asked, I didn't miss the emphasis on the word occupied.

"I wonder what's gotten into her now?" I thought.

Charles slowly let go of my hand, "Of course, Raven. We were just finishing our conversation," he answered, as he stood up and walked across the room to reach Raven. "Good night Claudia," Charles said, a smile on his lips.

"Night Charles," I responded, and Raven and Charles left my room.

It was just Erik and I now, "Now you know where the crack is in my perfect exterior, Erik," I stated,

Erik climbed further onto my bed till he was sitting next to me and gazed at me, "That's one enormous crack," Erik replied, repeating the same words I said to him. "But it only made you stronger," he continued, lifting his finger and gently trailing it down my cheek, the gesture sent shivers down my spine and goosebumps raised on my arms.

My eyes went straight for his inner forearm and the figures that had been inked into his skin, 214782. Numbers that had reduced an entire people into nothing but cattle. But markings. It was disturbing, and my hand reached out to touch his flesh in an attempt to stop my mind from racing. My fingers brushed his skin and he immediately grabbed my hand, his long, elegant fingers enclosing mine.

"Does it ever go away?" I asked somewhat rhetorically, motioning to his reaction.

Erik didn't answer.

"The pain, the distrust, the memories- I guess it never does, does it? Maybe it gets easier," I continued, pondering morosely. "Maybe it's the prospect of revenge that makes it so," I turned to him, motioning my head to the numbers engraved upon his skin. "Does it still hurt?" I asked softly, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"Every fucking day," Erik uttered, looking at the numbers and then shifting his gaze on me.

"Our resilience through all the pain we've been through, it's amazing we survived..." I trailed off, rubbing my thumb softly across his knuckles and then looked up at Erik. "Most people wouldn't have been able to,"

Erik smiled at me brilliantly, "Well, we aren't most people are we?" Erik questioned. "We're the future of the human race, Claudia," Erik finished, lifted our entwined hands and placed his lips on my knuckles leaving a lingering kiss.

I lifted my head from his shoulder and gently placed a kiss on Erik's stubble covered cheek, "Thank you, Erik, for being here tonight,"

Chapter Fifteen: A Love Supreme

[imaginesandinserts]

Irreverent Pt. 41 - Promises

Title: Irreverent Pt. 41 - Promises Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader Rating: M Words: 5789

Irreverent Series Masterlist

It was only the second day of the New York case and the team was still building the profile on the unsub. You were all settled into the conference room and reviewing the case with fresh eyes. You were validating the geographic profile Reid had built and circled a potential centroid for the attacks. Looking back at him, he nods, agreeing with your addition. Everyone broke for lunch when Rossi came back carrying the sandwiches from your favorite Italian deli in the city.

"Okay, I need thirty minutes of talking about anything but the case," JJ says, leaning back in her chair and popping a potato chip into her mouth.

Hotch, Reid, and Rossi were already engaged in a discussion around unsubs who chose arson as their means of killing. You knew Rossi was collecting material for his next book and you'd made him promise to let you read a draft when he had more.

"Well, Eastwood has been blowing me off," Emily responds, fulfilling JJ's request for a case-free lunch.

"When was your last date?" Derek asks, swiping chips out of your bag. Apparently he didn't want his barbeque flavored ones anymore. You shake your head, exchanging chip bags with him.

"We hung out two weeks ago at his place. Netflix and chilled, as the kids say," she answers.

"Well that's your problem," you tell her, taking a large bite of your sandwich. It was perfect, just how you remembered it. You might love Georgetown, but food in New York would always be superior.

At her raised eyebrow, you continue. "You hang out with men you have romantic interest in. You're not supposed to just hang out with them. That makes them passive. You want them to plan a date, court you, put in some effort."

"Didn't you and Hotch hang out all the time before you got together?" JJ questions.

Aaron turns at the sound of his name to tune in to the other conversation at the table.

"That's different. We didn't start out romantically. I've never hung out with a man who I'm only interested in dating. You want to stay in the girlfriend box, not the friend and sexual partner box," you explain, sharing a look with Aaron. He knew your views on dating very well by now. You were old school when it came to things like that, which was good because so was he. Aaron always put in the time and effort to plan dates for the two of you, despite your busy work schedules and Jack. After you had moved in together, you'd told him he didn't have to do that, but he liked doing it. He enjoyed the process of planning something special, the two of you getting dressed up, and seeing your eyes light up when you figured out what he had in mind for the night. It might not happen as much as in the beginning, but that only made it more noteworthy when it did.

"Hmm, so you're saying I should stop hanging out with him? Blow him off?"

"Yes, let him put in the effort. You are a lady, you deserve to be treated as such. And if he doesn't try, then good riddance. You can do better than some middle aged man whose idea of a date is inviting you over to his couch. Regardless, you shouldn't be dating just one person anyways until he's your boyfriend."

Emily hums, taking a bite of her sandwich and thinking over what you said. You know she's going to realize the validity of it. Especially if Eastwood lets her down again.

Suddenly there's a loud commotion coming from outside the precinct and you all look around curiously. It sounds like a bunch of people arguing with one another. Derek gets up and peeks out through the blinds to see what's going on.

"Looks like a bunch of photographers," he says, moving to open the blinds entirely.

"No, don't." You stand to stop him and see the team look at you curiously.

"It's probably just reporters wanting details on the case," Aaron says, looking at you oddly. You've abandoned your sandwich entirely and you have a panicked look on your face that seems disparate with the situation.

"It's photographers, right? Not reporters and news cameras?" you ask.

Derek peeks out again and scans the crowd, before turning back and nodding.

"What's going on?" Aaron asks.

"It's not for the case," you tell him, a frown on your face. You'd been a little worried about this happening but hopeful that it had been long enough that it might not be an issue. With that, you walk out to speak with one of the uniformed officers in the precinct, leaving the entire team questioning what was happening.

Aaron and Derek left to join you, while the rest of them waited in the conference room and watched through the glass panes. However, before Aaron can ask you what's going on, the officer you'd spoken with is leading a man back in while holding a camera. Aaron appraises the man who is quite obviously one of the photographers from outside. He appears to be a run-of-the-mill paparazzi type and Aaron can see the Page Six credentials dangling on a lanyard around his neck.

"Y/N L/N, it's really you!"

"Hi Terry," you reply, kissing both of his cheeks.

"You summoned me?" he asks, an exasperated lilt in his tone, indicating to the officer dangling his camera by its strap.

" Some psychopath is running around the city setting fires. I can't do my job if there's going to be photographers hounding me the second I step outside. Help me out."

"The people are curious, Y/N. Mysterious enigma party girl turned federal agent. The public wants to know!"

Terry was a reasonable guy, you know you can reach some sort of compromise with him. You have before. He's the reason you were able to travel to New York back and forth undetected for the time you were in your training.

"Help me out here, Terry," you ask again.

"Well," he starts, and you can detect the scheming tone in his voice, "there is this club opening on Friday. I suppose I could get everyone to back off if you were guaranteed to make an appearance."

You know he'll be getting some sort of kick back from the club for securing you. You glance at Aaron from the side of your eye, wondering what he's thinking of all of this. You know you have to agree otherwise there's no way you or the team can get in and out of the precinct easily. It's a small price to pay in order to be able to do your job in peace.

You nod, agreeing to Terry's request. "You'll handle everything," you tell him.

"Of course," he agrees, throwing you his most dazzling smile. "I'll need a little something exclusive, but I'll make it work. Bring your friends too," he says, eyeing Aaron and Derek. "We could use some more yummy specimens in the background shots."

You let out a small laugh at that, seeing both Derek and Aaron look the slightest bit flustered. Terry takes his leave with a flirty wave. You turn to Derek who is looking at you in equal parts confusion and amusement. "Tell Penelope. We're going clubbing Friday." You know she won't want to miss this.

Finally, you turn to Aaron, apprehensive of his reaction. Aaron hadn't been around this sort of life before - the deals with paparazzi, being hounded and tracked - it had taken a lot for you to escape it before.

Aaron, for his part, knew that it took a lot out of you to agree to that deal and that you only did it for the team and the case. He didn't have to know how it was for you back then, in order to know that this wasn't you anymore. You were fiercely private with your life now, and having it exposed in this way had to be difficult. On your face, he can see the insecurity at having this part of your old life at play again. Sensing that you need a moment, he turns and sees Detective Lewis exiting his office and he asks to borrow it for a minute.

"Come on," he says, leading you inside and closing the door behind you. "Are you alright?"

You turn to him, glad to be away from everyone's prying eyes. Taking a deep breath, you start to explain to him that you're sorry that this happened but you're certain it was the easiest option, but he cuts you off.

"I didn't ask for an explanation. I asked if you're alright."

You look at him and note that he doesn't seem upset with you. Concerned and worried, yes. But not upset. That's somewhat of a relief. You nod, but can't resist walking up to him and burying your face into his chest. "I just thought this part of my life was over. I should've known better."

Aaron wraps his arms around you, resting his chin at the top of your head. "You don't have to do the club thing. We can figure out something else."

"No," you mumble. "This is easiest. It'll be more work figuring out something else."

He looks down at you as you're leaned against him, letting him support you. He knows that the team could figure out alternatives. Start leaving from the back door, having you stay behind, any number of things. But he knows you'd hate them all having to do workarounds the rest of the case simply because of your presence, which is the only reason he concedes. "Okay, if you're sure."

You nod, going up on you toes and pressing a light kiss to his lips. "Thank you for not freaking out."

He looks at you curiously. Sometimes you said things like this - thanking him for not overreacting to something or being surprised when he simply doesn't care about you flirting with other men.  He wagers Matthew had been like that - jealous and reactionary. Which was not to say that Aaron didn't get jealous. He knew the way most men behaved around you. You had an easy, effervescent quality that people gravitated towards. However, he knew where he stood with you and you weren't the kind of person who would ever betray him. There was no reason for him to get worked up about other men. Even this situation, he didn't understand why you were thanking him. It wasn't your fault.

"Nothing to freak out about," he tells you, his voice calm and reassuring.

The two of you stay like that for another moment before leaving to join the rest of the team.

*------------*

JJ and you are reviewing the victimology one more time, to make sure nothing was missed. You're restless because the team has been in New York for three whole days already and it doesn't feel like you're any closer to an answer. The profile exists but it doesn't point to anyone specific. In a city like New York, there really was no shortage of crazy people.

Your eyes are starting to glaze over as you read through the statements from the family members, your fingers toying absentmindedly with the pendant on your necklace. It had been a gift from Jack and Aaron on your birthday. A small vintage gold pendant with an emerald on a gold chain - unobtrusive and very much your style. You only took it off when you absolutely had to.

With a frustrated sigh, you look up to see JJ equally done with the files in front of her. She looks far away, one hand fidgeting with a lock of hair and the other resting on her still flat stomach. You'd been watching JJ ever since you found out she was pregnant. Some natural impulse to make sure she was alright and comfortable. You knew she'd hate the extra attention, so you tried to be discreet about it, but you couldn't help yourself. She'd seemed off ever since she'd told everyone that she was pregnant and you had this odd feeling that maybe it wasn't exactly what she wanted.

Glancing around to make sure no one else was in earshot, you whisper, "Hey Jayje."

JJ looks up at you as if drawn from deep thought. It definitely hadn't been about the case.

"Are you okay?" you ask. "You know, with everything?" You indicate towards her hand on her stomach.

She appears thrown by the question and you know she hadn't thought anyone could tell that something was wrong. Sighing, you watch as she shifts to sit up straighter and leans towards you more. "I'm supposed to be happy, right?"

"You're not supposed to be anything. Whatever you are is what you're supposed to be," you tell her, standing to move to the chair right next to her.

"I grew up in a small town. You're supposed to get married, pop out a few kids, make your home for your husband. Here I am, already in my late thirties, with only one kid, a husband who I've made into essentially a stay at home father, while I jet off and play hero." The conflict of subverting the expectations she's been told to adhere to is evident in her voice.

You know very well how difficult it is to go against what is expected of you. You nod, knowing she has more she wants to get out.

Prompted by you, she continues, "Another kid, when I'm already barely there for my first - while I feel like I'm falling behind at work because now I'll have to be off again, while I'll have another child that'll add to the stress and chaos of our lives - I don't know. It just feels - I'm not sure how I feel."

You sigh, reaching out and grabbing her hand. She squeezes yours tightly and you can feel the slight tremor she's battling as she spoke.

"Do you want another child?" you ask softly, looking into her eyes.

She closes her eyes for a moment, giving herself time to think over your question. "Yes, I do."

"Okay."

"But I'm an agent too - I like my job, I want to keep doing it and doing it well and I worry that this will make it harder."

You understand where she's coming from. It's hard to feel like you're enough - both at work and at home. You've hardly been there for Jack or Aaron lately since you've been away so much and the balancing act is extremely precarious. You want to move ahead and do well at your job. But you also want to be a good partner to Aaron - be there to support him and be there for Jack as well. There were days you sat in Paris and all you could think was that your relationship would simply slip out of your hands because you weren't around enough. That Jack would forget what you looked like and not want you around because you were so absent. It was a dark sort of mindset to be in and it only went away when you were back with them both and obviously they wanted you around and of course Jack hadn't forgotten you.

"You know we'll all help you in any way we can," you tell her, hoping to be somewhat reassuring. "If you're worried about anyone thinking any less of you for being a mom too - that's entirely untrue. I know I'm not a parent, but I know that being one and doing the job we do is probably the hardest thing in the world." She nods as you speak, so you continue, "And as far as people's expectations go - being submissive and giving in to what people expect of us isn't natural. If it was, they wouldn't need all the indoctrination around women being obedient to their husbands. Nature doesn't need reminders," you tell her, gripping her hands tightly. "Do what comes naturally to you. The rest will fall into place."

JJ lets out a small laugh and swipes at her eyes. A couple of stray tears had made their way out into the open. "You're good at this, you know."

"At what?"

"I don't know what kind of understanding you and Hotch have about Jack, but you're a mom, Y/N. Kids, they don't know the difference between biological parents and otherwise. All they care about is who they want to hold them when they're upset and the way Jack treats you is no different from the way Henry treats me."

Aaron can say whatever he wants about you and Jack, but hearing it from JJ means more. You sniffle back your own tears, and your voice catches ever so slightly. "Thanks JJ."

*------------*

In the past few days, you'd gotten a lot more comfortable with having everyone in your old city. The days were spent in the precinct and around town, running down leads. The nights were spent back in your living room, ordering takeout and discussing the case and next steps.

The third night, you and Aaron were the last ones still awake, when you decided to take him somewhere. Leading him out to the balcony attached to your bedroom, you show him to the roof of the building. It's where you used to end up whenever you hosted parties at the apartment, for a respite from all the people and noise.

It's hard to see stars in the city - the lights are too bright. So Aaron wrapped himself around you to keep you warm and the two of you stood on the rooftop and watched the city lights instead. "You know, you're the first guy to have spent the night with me here," you tell him, one hand playing with the pendant around your neck.

He was a little surprised at that. He knew you'd been involved with someone while in New York, though he'd never pursued the topic. Something told him - especially with how little you liked talking about your life before the FBI - that you didn't particularly want to talk about that relationship. If that's what it was. You'd only ever called that man a friend, but Aaron knew better than to think that to be the case. He knew you'd been involved for at least some of your time in New York and then the two years of training. He wasn't sure when it had ended exactly, but he'd known you were dating other people your first year with the team, from conversations he'd overheard between you and the girls. Regardless, you didn't really do casual and he knew that whoever that person had been, had to be someone you at least trusted greatly. Especially for him to have come after Matthew.

"I plan on being the last too," he responded, bending down to kiss you.

And in the chilly night air, wrapped up in the warm arms of Aaron Hotchner, with the lights of your favorite city twinkling around you, you believed him. You completely believed him.

*------------*

The team was four days into the case and had finally made a breakthrough. Hotch was coordinating everything from the precinct along with Detective Lewis, and the rest of the team had split up and scattered around the city to the potential new sites that Penelope had identified as the next targets.

You and Emily are paired together, parked outside the building for any sign of movement. You needed to catch this guy in the act, otherwise you didn't have much physical evidence to go on yet to tie him to the crimes.

You're both on high alert, listening to the comms units in your ears for any updates. As you look at the building you're staking out, you catch some movement in the upstairs window. It should be abandoned, so you instantly draw Emily's attention to it. Right as she turns, the upstairs window is blown out and you see flames.

"Hotch, we got fire at our location," she relays pressing on the button to communicate back to him, as the two of you quickly get out of the car and head towards the building. With any luck, the unsub will be inside still and the victim would be alive.

"If there's already fire, you should wait for backup and the fire department," you hear Aaron's voice instructing the two of you.

You and Emily look at one another as the fire appears to quickly accelerate. You both know you don't have that long to save the victim. You shake your head at her, and shift your eyes towards the building, indicating that you have to go in.

"We don't have time, Hotch. We're going in."

The two of you run towards the building and Emily swiftly kicks down the door, a cloud of smoke escaping as she does. The two of you ignore Hotch's instructions to stand down and wait. He wasn't there. He couldn't see how quickly it was spreading.

"Y/N, be careful," he says finally, after neither you nor Emily respond to his pleas to wait.

"Always am," you respond, as both you and Emily, guns drawn, walk through the bottom part of the building. It was a two story apartment complex in Uptown, built in the 1950s. The fire appeared to be isolated upstairs for the time being as the two of you quickly cleared the bottom portion and then you followed Emily upstairs.

You take turns clearing rooms down one hallway until you come to the final one. The doorknob is hot to the touch. Emily knocks down this door as well and the two of you walk inside a large room to see flames spread across curtains and a bound up girl in one corner, inching away as much as she could towards the door to escape the fire.

Emily manages to ungag and unbound her while you try to usher them both out the room. "He went down the other hallway, there's another set of stairs," the girl says as soon as she's able to speak. Emily is half supporting her weight and the growing smoke is getting to you all. There are more fires set down the other hallway.

"Go, get her out," you tell Emily, moving down towards the other hallway that the girl had indicated.

"Y/N, no, we need to get out," she says, starting to walk down the stairs.

"We only catch this guy in the act, Em. Go!"

Ignoring her, you race down the other hallway, trusting her to get the girl out first. The smoke is getting thicker and it's getting harder to breathe as you go through the other rooms, finally finding a second set of stairs leading to the back of the house that you'd already checked out earlier. You can feel your breathing getting harsher as the smoke infiltrates your lungs and you're starting to cough.

You quickly clear the staircase and race downstairs, opening the door into the kitchen. Your vision is already hazy from the thick cloud of smoke and you know your coughing is alerting anyone in the vicinity to your presence. Right before you're able to turn and check behind the door, you feel the barrel of a gun pointed to the back of your head. Crap.

"Fire is dangerous. You never know when it might burn you." The horrid, raspy voice of the man who is undoubtedly the unsub makes your stomach clench.

However, before you can do anything, you hear a gunshot. For a second you think it was him. You think he'd shot you. But then you hear a loud thud as he falls behind you and you turn to see Emily with her weapon drawn, fingers clenched on the trigger. She'd come back for you.

Emily reaches out and grabs your hand as the two of you quickly make your way towards the exit. The flames have spread downstairs and you're forced to maneuver around the edge of the main room, the flames nearly licking at you and the entire building feels like a furnace. The two of you move quickly, knowing that it can get worse any second. You both exit onto the courtyard and you feel like you're home clear. You can see blue police lights across the street and the fire truck has arrived as well. It's loud and chaotic but you're free and clear.

You walk quickly, trying to make it out of the courtyard and into the street, when the rest of the windows also give out, exploding behind you. The two of you move to escape the glass shards but you won't be fast enough. You both drop to the ground and you find yourself on top of her, shards of glass raining around you. You move your arm to cover your face, your body shielding most of Emily's.

"Are you okay?" she asks as the tremors from the explosion leave the air. You're still on top of her and neither one of you seems capable of movement quite yet. The smoke had really done on a number on you.

"Are you?" you manage.

"Yeah, think you took the brunt of it."

"Good," you manage out, breathing heavily. "Because you only get one funeral, and you already used yours up."

She knows you're trying to make light of it, but for a moment you'd both thought you were done for. Twice for you, as you'd also had a gun to your head in the last ten minutes.

You roll off of her and she helps you stand up, the two of you looking one another over for injuries. She seems alright besides a scrape or two but you'd felt some glass earlier and you're not sure how bad it is.

"That's going to need to get extracted," Emily says, pointing to your arm and leading you to an ambulance with a medic.

As you settle onto the foot of the ambulance and the EMT runs to get supplies, you see more cars pull up.

"Hotch is gonna kill me," she mutters, as the EMT returns and makes a cut in the sleeve of your shirt to open it up and get the glass shards out with a pair of tweezers. You wince as he begins to take the glass out. It hadn't hurt too much so far, but your adrenaline was also starting to crash and you knew it would hurt more than a light sting pretty soon.

You both see Aaron racing towards you, walking past the officers trying to get his attention. Seeing him approach, Emily nods at him and goes to give a statement of what happened to the uniformed officers.

Aaron could barely stomach the anxiety that had entered him from the second you and Prentiss had entered the building. He'd left the precinct immediately, leaving Detective Lewis to coordinate. As he'd driven up, he'd seen the windows explode and his entire body frozen up, heart in his stomach, and he felt clammy all over. He didn't know if you'd made it out yet.

He abandoned the car as soon as he was able and had to race through a dozen people trying to get his attention as he looked around for you. When he finally caught sight of you sitting at the foot of the ambulance, it was like he could finally breathe again. The air was smoke filled and his lungs burned as he took in a breath, watching you for a second. Prentiss towered over you and you sat by her, looking entirely small and vulnerable, cradling your arm.

You reached out for him the second you saw him and he grasped your hand in his, bringing your fingers to his lips to confirm what his eyes were telling him. You were alive.

He looks entirely frazzled in a way you've never seen him before. Panic, fear, a thousand emotions running across his face as he takes in the sight of you sitting next to the medic as he picks out glass from your skin. His hand clutches yours tightly and you feel awful for putting him through this. You try your best not to wince as the guy continues to pull glass out, knowing that would just compound Aaron's worry.

You pull on the hand he's holding you by, drawing him closer to sit where Emily had been a few moments ago. "I'm alright," you tell him, moving your hand to cup his face. He closes his eyes instinctively at your touch, just for a second.

He nods disbelievingly and you know he can't afford to be like this over one of his agents getting just the slightest bit injured. Derek had been shot and he'd still commanded a room. Emily was tortured and Aaron hadn't blinked, his steely gaze concentrated on bringing down the unsub. You know that you getting hurt is different. You're far too aware of how different it is. In his mind he's got to be going over the trauma of losing Haley all over again, and this is nothing remotely close to that, but you know that fear is ever present in his mind.

You draw him in and kiss his lips ever so lightly, ignoring the stabbing pain in your arm. "Go," you instruct him softly. "Go be Unit Chief. I'm fine."

He looks over at the medic again as the man pulls a large piece of glass out, and his face scrunches up in anguish at the obvious pain you must be in. He knows you're putting on a brave face right now but he's also seen you cry when you stub your toe so he knows this hurts more than you're letting him see.

He looks back to where a crowd of people are waiting for his instructions. You squeeze his hand again, assuring him that you're alright. He nods and stands up, reluctantly letting go of your hand.

"Hey," you call out to him, "Send Emily, would you?"

He turns and nods, walking over to Prentiss and instructing her to go with you in case you need to go to the hospital as well.

Once Emily arrives, you clench her hand tightly as the medic removes the final large piece. "Son of a bitch," you mumble, as she lets you tuck yourself into the crook of her neck.

Emily looks off into the crowd as Hotch figures out the next steps and coordinates extracting the unsub's body with the fire department. He'd looked scared to death when he'd seen you, and had only looked moderately better when he'd come to tell her to go with you to the hospital.

The medic tells you you're going to need stiches and you're simply grateful he hadn't said that while Aaron had been around to hear it. Emily escorts you to the hospital and holds your hand throughout, as you moan and groan about the pain finally since its just her.

*------------*

The team is settled into your living room later that night. You're all going to go clubbing tomorrow night, per your promise to Terry. Aaron had tried to tell you that you were no longer obligated to go after an injury, but you didn't want to back out of your promise and risk burning bridges. You never knew when someone would come in handy.

Penelope would be arriving tomorrow with outfits for JJ and Emily. You still had most of your party wardrobe in New York, conveniently enough. There hadn't been much need for clubbing attire the past few years.

You'd all eaten and Spencer and Derek had cleared up. Aaron and Rossi were settled into the armchairs and the rest of you were spread out across the room on the large couch. Spencer was gently playing the piano to a tune that you recognized but couldn't quite place.

You got up to get the pain killers the doctor had prescribed you and took them in the kitchen, before returning. As you walk by Aaron's chair, he reaches out and grabs your hand. You look at him in question, but he silently pulls you towards him, maneuvering you onto his lap. You're surprised, because the two of you might quickly peck in front of the team, but rarely do you outright show affection in this manner. However, you allow him to place you on top of him and he's careful to avoid touching the stitches as he makes sure you're comfortable.

You look back at the team but they all seem unbothered and absorbed in their separate conversations, so you tuck your face into the crook of his neck. "I'm fine," you whisper so only he can hear.

Aaron shifts his eyes to look at you and nods almost imperceptibly.

You're kind of glad he'd pulled you onto his lap, because you'd had this growing anxiety within you ever since you'd come back from the hospital. You knew Aaron couldn't handle someone he loved dying. You knew that. And yet today he'd been forced to confront the possibility of something happening to you. You knew that you could promise you'd be fine and that nothing would happen to you until you're blue in the face, but he'd never believe you. You can't promise that. You can't know that.

That crazy, anxious part of you had convinced itself that he would do anything possible to mitigate the possible hurt he would feel if something happened and you're almost waiting for the possibility of him pushing you away. But he'd promised he wouldn't do that to you ever, and it would appear he's good at keeping his promises too.

You allow yourself to become limp against him, the drowsiness from the pills and the exhaustion from the day catching up to you. His arm is wrapped around your waist, holding you securely against him. Aaron returns to his conversation with Dave and it's not long before you're asleep.

As its getting late, Aaron tucks an arm under your knees and stands, lifting you with him, careful not to wake you. You look entirely fragile in his arms and the team watches as he says good night to them all and carries you to your bedroom. They all watch as he goes, knowing one thing between them - if today was anything to go by, nothing could ever happen to you. Because if someone ever happened to you, Aaron Hotchner would not simply break. He would shatter. And there would not be a single thing any of them could do to piece him back together again.

[order-of-river-phoenix]

Im dying for some nixon! Could you do one about nix and the reader post war married, she finds out shes pregnant after discussing symptoms with her friend and has to find out how to tell him? Nix as a dad is just adorable 😍

Breaking The News; Lewis Nixon

Fandom: HBO War; Band of Brothers

A/N: this took me waaay too long but I hope you still like it 🥺 thank you so much for the request. School has been stressing me out and work has been wearing me out, but I squeezed in some writing. Hopefully w winter break coming I’ll feel up to writing more.

Notice: female reader

Taglist: @liebegott @stressedinadress @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant @teenmagazines @hbohmygodx @meteora-fc @punkgeekchic @vintagelavenderskies @hoosiers-hoe @mavysnavy @inglourious-imagines @warrior-healer @alienoresimagines @hannahbear1 @easy-company-tradition @wexhappyxfew Please let me know if you’d like to be added/removed/you’ve changed your user (or feel free to do so yourself via the link in my description)

__________

"Oh, honey," your friend giggled. "So is this your way of telling me you're expecting?"

"Expecting what? I'm genuinely concerned for my health!"

She shook her head, patting your hand. "Don't tell me you didn't suspect a pregnancy. You have all the classic symptoms: morning sickness, missing... you know what. I can't believe you hadn't pieced it together yourself by now."

You sat back in your chair, taking in the information. You were stunned to say the least. "What'll I tell Lewis?"

"Don’t worry about it. He'll be happy."

"Oh, are you sure? What if he's not ready?" Your anxiety was making your stomach turn.

"He can get over it," she rolled her eyes. "Clearly, one of you had to have realized it was a possibility at this point. You've been married how long now?"

"Nearly 6 months."

"Exactly." She sipped her lemonade like that had explained it all.

“Exactly what?”

She gave you a pointed look. “Do I need to explain how babies are made?”

__________

You paced around the house, words filling your head but none of them feeling right. You had to tell your husband in a good way. It couldn’t be super sudden, but you also didn’t want to beat around the bush. Before you knew it, the sun had set, meaning Lewis would be home soon.

“I’m home!” he announced, knowing fully that you could hear the door open and close from just about anywhere in the small house.

“In the kitchen!” you called back, never looking away from the recipe you were following. It was a more complex version of some comfort food Lewis had mentioned before. You hoped good food might make your announcement a little easier.

Upon finding you, a contagious smile broke out across his face, and he hugged you from behind, as to not keep you from what you were doing. “Hi. I missed you.”

His breath warmed your shoulder, and you smiled to yourself at his tenderness. “I missed you too. How was work?”

“Work was work,” he groaned. “Boring could describe it, but that’s still too generous.”

You shook your head, amused by his dramatic comment. “That bad, huh?”

He shrugged before letting go of you and leaning against the counter. “I guess not, but anything without you is insufferable.”

“Maybe I should work at the plant then.”

“You were supposed to suggest I quit,” he sighed. “Forcing me to respond with why I can’t and why that would be bad for our futures and for our children.”

You tried not to react too much to his last words. “Children?”

“Well, yeah. I assume we might have a couple.” He looked at you earnestly. “If you wanted to. Do you not want kids?”

“I think I do,” you quickly cleared up. “I just wasn’t sure where you stood.”

“I stand wherever you are.”

“How absolutely-“

“Romantic?”

“Cheesy is the word I was going to use.”

Dinner came and went—successfully, you might add, and you were still trying to find a way to tell him your news. You were kicking yourself for not saying anything when the topic was brought up. Now, you were both getting ready for bed.

As you brushed your teeth, he came in behind you to do the same. The comfortable routine normally set you at ease, but with the unintentional secret you were carrying, everything felt off. You ran through what to say again and again as you spit out the toothpaste and rinsed off the toothbrush.

You sat up in the bed, and he seemed to notice you didn’t look exactly ready to sleep.

“Something the matter?” He crawled in next to you. “Normally you’re halfway to dreamland by the time I get to bed.”

“Just thinking.” You slid down until your head was on your pillow.

He frowned a little and cocked an eyebrow. “Care to share?”

“Maybe.”

“Ah, okay then,” he yawned. Maybe you’ll feel like sharing tomorrow.” He pulled the covers up to his shoulders and closed his eyes. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Goodnight.” Just before he had completely drifted off, you kissed his temple and whispered a quiet confession. “I’m pregnant.”

He mumbled incoherently and stilled.

When you were sure he was asleep, you rested peacefully knowing you had told him. Whether he had heard you or not was an issue for the morning.

__________

You woke up slowly, but you quickly noticed that you weren’t alone in the bed. Fighting the urge to shut them again, your eyes opened to see Lewis sitting up. “What-“ you yawned as you raised yourself up. “What are you doing up?” You blearily checked the clock on your nightstand. “It’s not even 1 in the morning.”

“I had a strange dream, Y/N.” He seemed to be reminding himself what it was before he continued. “In my dream, I heard you say you were pregnant, but that’s it. That’s all I remember.”

This woke you up a little more, and you sat up next to him. “I am pregnant.”

“What?”

“Lewis, we’re going to have a baby.”

He stared at you, mouth agape for a small eternity before pulling you into him. “Oh my God. You’re pregnant? When d’you tell me? Did you tell me? Oh well, you must have.”

“I may have whispered it to you as you fell asleep,” you admitted. “But I couldn’t figure out a good way to tell you.”

“I can’t believe my brain retained that.”

You eased yourself away from him, seeing the huge grin he had. “I can’t believe it woke you up this early. Can we squeeze in a couple more hours b-“

“We need to prepare. What are naming him? Or her? Shit, what if we have a girl? I don’t know anything about raising girls.”

“Good thing I know a couple.”

“What kind of things do we need to buy? A crib, toys, diapers, clothes. Oh, and the doctor’s appointments! You’re going to need a good doctor. I mean, I think I remember the name of the one we went to for Michael.”

“Lew, honey? Hey,” you put your hand on his cheek to catch his attention. “Hey, there. Calm down. We can figure this out later. We’ve got plenty of time. Let’s sleep, okay?”

He shook his head in agreement and followed you back down to the pillows. “I can’t wait,” he whispered, kissing your nose and closing his eyes to go to sleep for the second time that night.

[tomtenadia]

Island Dreams - Chapter 5

Hello readers :) Just one chapter tonight but it's just shy of 4k words so hopefully it will do fine :)

so... bit of angst coming. Apologies there is a bit of fluff too but not what you hope. Please don't hate Elias. He is my secret weapon to bring our two idiots together. So just be nice to him.

Fun facts: 1. I adore Roald Dahl like our trio. 2. The scene at Luskentyre with the dark clouds and the savage rain. Been there done that. Luckily I saw it in the sun as well. 3. I hug standing stones. I am a serial hugger. Hugged the ones at Callanish and have a few photos of me hugging stones in Orkney as well.

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A week had passed.

Rowan opened the bookshop on time as usual. Switched on the lights and the computer and went to the back and dragged to the counter the bulky box containing the orders that had arrived the previous night.

Once he cracked the box open he realised Aelin’s was at the top, staring at him. He sighed, took the book and sat on the stool behind his counter. For a whole week he hated himself for what he said to her. He had definitely gone too far and he had to find a way to apologise and make it up to her for his dreadful behaviour.

Gently he flipped the book in his hands and read a couple of random pages and smiled. He was positive she was going to love the last book in the series and a part of him was quite eager to discuss the book with her.

He had read the series a long time ago and loved it. Flipping through the pages he found some of the lines he loved and a tenuous smile appeared on his face at the thought that Aelin reminded him so much the female main character in the book. 

Both of them had fire in them.

He hadn’t seen her in a week and Maeve told him that she hadn’t been at the coffee shop either.

His aunt’s words still haunted him. She is just as lost as you are.

What could have happened to her? She always appeared to him as full of life and quite energetic, but he guessed that might be a mask she would wear for stranger, for people who were not close to her. He wanted to meet the real Aelin, problems at all. He thought pondered on his aunt’s words. What if she really was the key to get out of the funk he had been stuck for a while? What if he could help her as well? He admitted that he wanted to be his friend and he was going to prove it to her.

Deep down though he knew he had another reason, a bit more selfish. He found her attractive. More than that. The first day in the shop she had taken his breath away. And she loved books probably just as much as he did. Something that Lyria… no. He was not going there. 

He closed his eyes and tried to picture Aelin. Her funny attempts to use Gaelic gave him fuzzy feelings. 

He had spent a week mulling and thinking about her. He could not stop doing that. She had made him feel again. But the idea terrified him. He had committed completely to a woman once. He gave her all of him, his love, trust, respect and heart. And she destroyed everything. He sighed and put the book on the shelf behind him where he kept all the orders to be collected. He had to find a way to tell her her book was here. In his anger he forgot to take her phone number or address and now he was stuck. He only had to hope that she would remember and pop in in the shop. If he could see her one more time and apologise…

He was busy unpacking when the bell rang and a dark-haired man entered the shop.

“Good morning, can I help you?”

The man looked at him and smiled “Yes, definitely. I am looking for a book. Something on Callanish.” He explained looking around the shop with interest “It’s for a woman. It’s a present. She is new here and I would like to give her a welcome to the islands present. She just visited Callanish for the first time and she loved it.”

Rowan felt sick for a moment. Was that guy talking about Aelin? Because the description sounded very similar. Sadness hit him. So she was doing fine after all. She did not need him.

“I have a nice selection. Ranging form the usual tourist guide to something more fascinating and historical.” And he showed the guy the books. The stranger took one of the bigger ones. One of his favourites.

“That is a great one.” He added pointing at the one the guy was holding in his hands “It has info about the archeological excavations, theories about its use and it connects to the mythology as well. It’s quite complete. Your friend will love it.”

The man smiled again and kept the book.

“Can I just have a look around?”

Rowan nodded keeping an eye on the man. Could it be that he was talking about Aelin? He did his best to convince himself that it was just a coincidence. It had to be. But sadness struck anyway. He had planned to  get that book for Aelin. He was positive she would have adored it. And now chances were another man was going to give it to her.

The man came back with a second book. A colouring book of the Hebrides “I have a feeling Aelin will love them.”

Rowan stopped. His world froze. And his heart was beating furiously in his chest.

“She is a lucky woman.” Rowan forced himself to say. “Would you like me to wrap them since it’s a present.”

“That would be amazing if it’s not too much trouble.”

Rowan took a deep breath and steadied his hands.

“You have a great place here. And I love your Roald Dahl display.”

Those words stung. That was one of the first things Aelin had said to him.

“Big fan.” Was all that Rowan managed ignoring the roaring fury rising in him. At his stupidity. His bad temper. That could have been him if only he had been able to control himself and be nice for once in his life.

“When I was little I was obsessed with James and the Giant Peach.” The man continued while Rowan was working on wrapping the books. He had a feeling that Aelin was a big fan of Matilda.

“Here we go.” Rowan passed the present to the man.

The stranger paid and left the shop.

Rowan sat in silence for a while then stood, turned the sign of the shop to closed, switched off the lights, locked the door and went home.

All of a sudden he did not feel in the mood anymore to deal with people.

He grabbed his car and drove in silence until he reached his favourite spot on the islands. He went to the Butt of Lewis, sat on the edge of the cliff and admired the sea raging against the cliffs, mirroring perfectly his current mood.

Aelin had taken a day off from exploring. She had driven a lot the previous days and she needed a break from here car. She had gone back to Luskentyre, however this time she was not so lucky with the weather. An horrible storm had hit once there. And still, the place was stunning. The dark clouds heavy with rain seemed to enhance the blues and green of the water. A strange light had embraced the bay and the sand appeared even whiter. Then the rain hit and she thought she had never seen a rainstorm so brutal. She had stayed in the car and waited it out. Being Scotland, the weather was very changeable and ten minutes later the sun was out and the most amazing rainbow arched across the beach. Not a single one of her photo did any justice to the beauty in front of her.

She was now wandering around Stornoway and convinced herself to go to Rowan’s shop. It had been a week and her book should have arrived. The last one had ended in an epic cliffhanger and now she needed to know. It was a matter of life or death.

She turned the corner and a strange feeling overcame her when she noticed the lights off. At the entrance door a sign said Dùinte and underneath Closed in English. It was almost noon, how was it possible it was closed? Rowan was punctual to a fault. Was he sick? She wished she had his mobile number to get in touch with him. 

She was worried. 

But most of all she realised she missed him. Yes, they barely knew each other and they didn’t have the best of the beginnings, but still…

She sighed and walked away.

In that instant Elias texted her. She had caved in the end and texted him. They had started chatting. That morning he had told her that he was in town and they agreed to meet.

He was waiting for her at the parking near the ferry terminal. She tucked her sadness away and walked toward the terminal.

She had debated every day since she gave Elias her number if she had done the right thing. 

She clearly felt something for Rowan. What it was, she still wasn’t sure. And although he had been grumpy and they fought, something about him resonated within her. As if his soul somehow called out to hers. 

The rational part of her quickly rejected the idea as the twisted and unachievable idea of love that her books had given her over the years.

Human’s relationships were nothing but pain. 

For a moment she argued to herself that for some inexplicable reason his soul had somehow resonated with Rowan’s. That if they were in a book instead, someone would have pointed out that the pining was due to them being soulmates.

A minute later after that thought she snorted loudly.

They were everything but. They weren’t even friends. 

What about enemies to lovers? She snorted again and closed the distance to where Elias was waiting for her.

There were more chances of Rowan strangling her than them becoming friends.

All that mental gymnastics to convince herself that texting Elias was good. That she was not betraying Rowan.

But at the same time she felt a horrible person. She had no idea what she wanted from Elias. She was not ready yet to commit again. But still, she didn’t want to mislead him. He seemed such a nice guy. Hurting was the last thing she wanted to do to him.

Aelin finally arrived at the car park and saw him. He was as tall as Rowan. He was standing beside his car. Sunglasses on his head, dark shorts, a light blue polo shirt hugged his upper body nicely and she could not force her gaze away from him. He was stunning.

But he is not Rowan a voice said in her head and she told it to shut up.

“Hello.” He waved at her and she noticed his bright smile and his two dimples make their appearance. She had forgotten his smile.

“Hey.” She said joining him near his car “Nice car by the way. Being an engineer must pay really well.” She joked and hoped she hadn’t gone too far as her usual.

“Love a woman with a good taste in cars. It’s a Tesla. Cost me a kidney but this baby it’s worth it.”

“Of course you get a Tesla. You are an environmental engineer so an electric car makes sense. If you were a book character you’d be considered perfectly in character.”

Elias laughed loudly at the joke. Then he opened the door, and grabbed something from the car “For you. A welcome to the islands gift.”

Aelin took the present and froze when she noticed the sticker on top. The present came from Rowan’s bookshop. All of a sudden she forgot how to breath. At least she did manage to hide her shaky hands from Elias.

She opened the present and squealed in delight when she noticed the book about Callanish and underneath a colouring book. She put the second on the roof of the car and opened the first one. Inside the dust jacket she noticed a small note. That, definitely did not belong there. The calligraphy was neat Your book is here. I guess you want to know what happens after the cliffhanger. Then at the bottom of the note I am sorry. R.

How did he know that Elias was giving her the book? A wave of panic hit her.

Sneakily she hid the note from Elias and pretended to browse the book, but her mind kept going back to Rowan’s message. Her heart was hammering in her chest, so much that it almost hurt. The words I am sorry resonating in her head like an echo.

“Glad you loved the books. I forgot there was a nice bookshop in town. I got it from there. The one about Callanish came with a recommendation from the owner.” Aelin felt like crying. She was just picturing Rowan helping Elias pick the book for her. Why was she feeling like that for a man who had clearly told her that she meant nothing to him? Why was she caring so much?

Had Lysandra been there she would have told her to drop the grumpy guy and take the nice one. 

She stretched and gave Elias a little peck on the cheek “Thank you. They are perfect. Now I just need some pencils for the colouring book.”

“That, we can fix easily.” Elias went around the car and opened the other door for her “Hop in.”

Aelin looked at him puzzled “I thought we were staying in town.”

“No way, there is still so much for you to see.”

“I am in a Tesla.” She commented ecstatic and noticed Elias grinning. “I don’t have car. In London it’s a nightmare. Traffic is horrendous and parking near my house is just non existent. Luckily the tube takes me to work easily.”

“On the islands the only traffic jam you experience is cattle, sheep and the annoying tourists driving motorhomes where they shouldn’t and going at a slow pace because they have to take a photo of every single piece of grass.”

Aelin laughed “I got stuck in the middle of a flock of sheep the other day. I was along the Golden Road.”

“Well, that was your baptism of fire and you passed it.”

Half an hour later they were crossing a bridge. Elias explained to her that they were heading for Great Bernera. As soon as they cleared the bridge he pulled over and parked the car at the small picnic area. She got out and stood immobile for a moment to take in the beauty of the landscape.all around her. Then Elias grabbed her hand and he pulled toward the left. She looked up and she noticed some standing stones and she felt giddy.

“Come on.”

They climbed the short path and they reached the stones.

Aelin went to hug them and she made Elias laugh out loud “that is a very unusual reaction.” Then he took his  phone and took a photo “Now I can bribe you until eternity.”

Aelin dismissed him with a rude gesture and kept hugging the stone.

“You are hugging Callanish VIII.”

Aelin gasped in surprise.

“This place is quite peculiar. It is a semi circle and not a full circle and according to the archaeologists it was never a full circle. No one knows what it was for. However, according to the local folklore, due to its strange configuration and location, on a calm winter day when the sun is low a strange experience might occur. If you walk between the tall stone and the water a double shadow is cast on the stone. One shadow is produced by the sun and the other by the sun’s reflection on the water.” He explained, his gaze fixed on the horizon. 

“I tried plenty of times but no luck.”

He walked behind her and tugged her to his chest, leaning his chin on her shoulder. Elias then took her hand and pointed “There,” he said “over there you have Callanish. The main site.”

She leaned against his hard chest and took comfort in the nice feeling.

“That is so awesome.”

“I am pretty sure your book will have a part about these stones.” His breath was gentle against her ear and she shivered in pleasure at the feeling.

“Let’s go. We haven’t reached our final destination yet.” He moved away and for a brief second she missed the warmth of his body against hers.

They got back in the car and they drove for a bit longer. The road was narrow but Elias drove with the experience of a local and she felt pretty safe. 

They finally reached a parking area and she was ready to get out again.

“The islands are quite amazing for their historical sites.” He started, offering his hand to her.

She took it and he smiled tenderly. His thumb gently brushing the top of her hand.

“Are you ready for a visit to the iron age?”

They walked in silence for a short stretch along the wall of a cemetery and then she noticed the Iron Age house. Elias paid the pound to get into the house, but she was more interested in the stunning beach she had spotted at the end of the path. Once out of the house she took running toward the beach and Elias followed until he grabbed at her waist “You ungrateful witch. I am showing you an historical site and all you care is the beach.”

Aelin laughed and turned to him, their faces dangerously close “Sorry, but the beach looks soooooo amazing”

Elias let her go and playfully pushed her away “Go. Have fun.”

She smiled at him and walked toward the beach, removed her shoes and walked in the water. That had become her ritual.

Bosta beach was another gem. A hidden one, it looked like.

Elias joined her in the water and stood beside her, their arms touching “When I was young, my brother and I used to come here and kayak. See the islands in front of us?” He pointed and Aelin nodded “That is little Bernera. The only way to get there is by boat. On the the side there is a beach that is something out of this world. Untouched. Pristine. With waters of colours so bright that they might not be real.”

She turned to him and looked at Elias in the eyes. And they were bright, full of joy

“You have a childish streak.” He tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear.

“No, that came out wrong. What I meant is that you seem to tackle life with the same joy a kid does. The way you hugged the stone, or how you run just now or your face when you saw the books. It’s contagious.” With a hand he caressed her face.

She should pull away and break that contact, but she couldn’t because she realised she missed it. So in the end she leaned into his touch, basking in the feeling of his hand on her cheek.

“Tha thu bóidheach…” he whispered “You are beautiful.” He repeated in English.

Aelin broke the contact and went to sit down on the sand. She needed a moment to collect herself. To unravel the set of conflicted emotions battling inside her.

In front of her there was Elias. A wonderful man who seemed quite keen to be in her company. Who was intelligent and fascinating and sweet. A man capable of making her heart race madly. He was perfect. He was handsome. Unbelievably so. And then there was Rowan. Who was… maddening. They were nothing and no chance of their status changing anytime soon.

She sighed.

Elias sat beside her “did I do something wrong?” His blue eyes fixed on her “What I said and did… sorry if it made you uncomfortable.”

Aelin shook her head. He was considerate and with his face mere centimetres from hers she realised she just wanted to kiss him.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” she explained and wondered if it was the time to open up to someone else. But Maeve’s word replayed in her head. You can help each other. He is stuck too. She wanted to open up to Rowan. According to Maeve he was suffering for something too. She wanted him to open up to her. She knew it felt wrong. She could not open up to Elias. That was something that belonged to Rowan. Of that she was sure.

“I haven’t done this in a while.”

“Are you seriously telling me that in the whole of London there is not a single man who’d consider himself lucky to have you?”

“I can be a handful.”

“My brother has three kids under the age of ten. I can handle handful. Believe me.”

Aelin laughed and leaned her head on his shoulder “And why a guy like you is single?”

“The missus had a side thing with her boss. They eloped. She got pregnant and now she lives the grand life in Edinburgh with the money she got from the divorce and got stuck with the kid. He was rich. Filthy rich and she just wiped him clean.”

“And you were married to her?”

“Oh yeah. I was young and stupid. We lasted two years.”

“Probably you didn’t earn enough big bucks.”

Elias laughed genuinely “Aye, I was a poor nobody compared to her second husband.”

“Her loss,” Aelin added.

He tuned his head surprised by that remark. His face inched closer and hesitated for a second, then finally kissed her

Aelin resisted him for a moment, but then she melted in the kiss. His lips were soft. The kiss started gentle but then it got harder and she could feel need seeping from it.

His hands went to her back and slowly pushed her on the sand on her back. Aelin run her hands in his hair and pulled him closer.

She nibbled his lower lip and the sound he made awoke something at her core. His hands slid to her sides and he traced the length of her body. She closed her eyes and froze. A pair of green eyes appeared in her vision. Rowan’s face floated in front of her and she froze. She sat up quickly.

“Not on the beach near a tourist attraction.” She stood and patted the sand away from her clothes using it as an excuse to put some distance between them. 

Slowly she gathered the courage to look at him and she saw hurt in his blue eyes.

“You are right. Being arrested for sex in public is not in my today’s plan.” And the dimples came back.

“I am sorry I…” she fumbled.

He got closer and kissed tenderly on her lips “No need to apologise.” Then he patted her hair. “You are covered in sand.”

In silence they walked back to the car and even on the journey home she struggled to say more than a few words. She held her book on her legs and kept thinking at the message inside and how she will face Rowan the next day.

“I can drop you off at your place.”

“No, the car park is fine. It’s a nice evening. I don’t mind the stroll.”

“Ok, mo charaid.”

Aelin leaned forward and kissed him “Thank you for the books and for today. I had so much fun.”

“Me too,” he kissed her back.

Aelin broke the kiss and left the car. He got out and leaned on the roof “Text me.”

“I will do, mo charaid”

Elias laughed “you are so sexy when you try to speak Gaelic.”

Aelin blew him a kiss and walked away.

When she was almost home she leaned against the small wall separating the road from the marina and looked toward the town. To the spot where Rowan’s shop was.

And wondered what he was doing.

Wondered if he missed her as well.

[demigodreading]

Rollins’ Gambling Problem

Special request from @sammymae12 “You should do one of Ella and Amanda involving her gambling in season 13 and season 15.”

This involves Amanda’s gambling in Season 15! Set around the time of Gambler’s Fallacy but no real episode spoilers. Some angst but nothing to bad. Also prepare yourself it is a long one!

Characters: Olivia Benson, Ella Alina Benson, Amanda Rollins, Casey Novak, Fin Tutuola

Relationship: Mom Oliva Benson x Original Character

Warnings: Mentions of smoking and gambling

Word Count: 2.6k

Read on A03

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Thursday nights were for Amanda and Ella. Olivia still had some separation anxiety after Lewis but she trusted Amanda and knew that she needed at least one night to spend by herself. She spent most of the night worried about Ella and catching up on paperwork but she was just glad Ella was happy. Ella didn’t have many friends at school and Amanda had quickly filled the best friend role. Even though there was a large age difference Olivia knew the two were thick as thieves. However, this Thursday Olivia was more nervous than normal. She was going to be at a late meeting so Ella was going to be walking to Amanda’s all by herself after she got out of softball practice.

“Are you sure you know how to get to Amanda’s from school?” Olivia asked Ella as they sat over breakfast.

Ella sighed, “Mom, I have walked there before. We even went through a trial run two days ago. I am fifteen. You have to trust me.” “I do trust you,” Olivia reassured her, “I don’t trust other people is the problem.”

Ella got up to clear her plate. Once she rinsed it she came behind Olivia and wrapped her arms around her. She placed a kiss on Olivia’s cheek, “Mom, everything is going to be okay. I will call you as soon as I get to Aunt ‘Manda’s. If I feel uncomfortable I will make Coach take me. Now put the cop away for a second and give your daughter a hug before we have to head out the door.”

Olivia stood up wrapping Ella into a large hug kissing the top of her forehead, “I love you so much.” “I love you too! Now let’s go. If we are late to any class Coach makes us run laps and I am not going to make the whole team resent me.”

“Glad to see Casey is still a stickler for being on time,” Olivia laughed before grabbing her coffee cup.

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Ella knocked on Amanda’s door bouncing from foot to foot as she waited. When it opened Amanda was not in her usual pajamas. Instead, she was dressed in tight black jeans and a see-through white shirt. A knot formed in Ella’s stomach, something was not right. The dress code for these nights was always pajamas.

“What are you doing here Ella Bella?” Amanda asked.

“It’s Thursday,” Ella said, “We were supposed to have girl’s night tonight.” A frown formed on Amanda’s face, “Oh I’m sorry hun. I got called into work.”

Ella wrinkled her brow knowing that Olivia would have called her if Amanda had gotten called in. She would have made her go home or come to the precinct and wait for her. Instead of confronting Amanda on her lie, Ella decided to do a little detective work herself. Immediately after Ella excused herself to go home she ducked into the stairwell waiting for Amanda to make her next move. While she waited she texted Olivia.

E: Made it to Aunt ‘Manda’s safe. Hope the meeting isn’t completely boring you to death.

O: I am glad you are safe baby girl.  Don’t hold your breath on the meeting though I am slowly starting to wither away.

E: Well then I need a picture before you wither to dust!

Seconds later a picture of Olivia her head rolled back in her chair with her tongue sticking out came across Ella’s screen. Ella stifled a laugh as she noticed Amanda leave her apartment. As Amanda waited for the elevator Ella squatted down and responded.

E: How did you not get caught taking that picture?

O: You have a very skilled detective Mom. That’s how. Now go have fun. I’ll call you before bed. Don’t stay up to late and stay out of trouble

E: Of course. I love you Mom

O: Love you to the moon and back baby girl

Ella took a large sigh as she rushed down the stairs of Amanda’s apartment to catch her coming out of the elevator. If Olivia knew what she was doing she would be grounded for the rest of her life. However, Ella knew something was majorly wrong and she needed to figure out what it was. Amanda never forgot about their girl’s nights.

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Ella followed Amanda all the way to a small abandoned warehouse. She watched as Amanda ducked inside. A bad feeling formed in the pit of her stomach. She had read all about these warehouses when she had done research on Amanda’s gambling addiction. She waited twenty or so minutes to see if Amanda really was working or undercover. When she could find no one else around she slipped inside the door behind another customer. The smell of cigarettes and strong booze reached her nose immediately. She looked around at the tables and the sound of cards hitting the table.

Immediately her eyes caught Amanda sitting at the table letting out a large sigh as she lost another hand. She took a long draw of her cigarette before betting the rest of her chips. Rage built in Ella’s chest as she stormed over to Amanda.

“I thought this life was behind you?” Ella raged stepping next to Amanda pulling the cigarette from her hand and putting it out in the ashtray.

“Ella, what in the world are you doing here?” Amanda asked, folding her cards on the table, “Your mom would kill you if she knew you were here.”

“She would kill you! You are already on probation because of what happened last time!” Ella screamed.

Amanda stood up grabbing Ella’s arm, “You need to calm down Ella. You could get us both in serious trouble.”

“You are telling me to calm down? You lied to me! You promised me that you would never do this again,” Ella screamed, pulling away her arm.

“Ella, please just let me explain.”

“No. No more lies! I’m done with you. Don’t talk to me ever again!”

With that Ella ran out the door, her backpack pounding against the back of her knees. Tears streamed down her face as she made her way to the nearest house that she knew. She knocked on the door trying to catch her breath in between sobs. When the door finally opened she immediately collapsed into the red-headed woman’s arms.

“Ella, what are you doing here? It is Thursday. Isn’t today your day with Rollins?” Casey asked, holding Ella close to her.

Ella stifled another cry as she held onto Casey, “She lied to me. She was gambling again.”

“How do you know this?”

“I showed up to her place and she didn’t know it was Thursday and was leaving. She never forgets about our day,” Ella said and then looked down at the floor, “So I followed her. Then I went inside the building and caught her in the act.”

“You followed her!” Casey screamed gently pulling Ella inside the house, “Ella! You know your mom has you on strict orders of where you can go ever since the kidnapping. You should have immediately gone home or called her.”

“Please, Aunt Casey. Don’t tell my mom,” Ella said, beginning to cry again, “I just had to know the truth. I had to know.”

Casey let out a large sigh taking Ella into a hug, “You are just as stubborn as your mother. Did you know that?”

Ella let out a small giggle, “I have been told that I am my mother’s mini-me.”

“You are,” Casey said, giving Ella one final squeeze, “And I have covered for your mom hundreds of times but Ella… I will only cover for you once. You have to stay here tonight. I will take you to school in the morning. I will cover for you but if asked directly I will not lie for you in front of your mom. Do you understand?”

Ella nodded and then sighed as her phone began to vibrate in her pocket, “That’s her right now.”

“Well, I will go get stuff ready for your shower. Answer her,” Casey said and then walked away.

Ella pulled her phone from her pocket and answered the call, “Hi Mom. How was the meeting?”

“Didn’t kill me, but I was pretty close,” Olivia laughed. When Ella didn’t laugh back Olivia paused, “Baby girl. Are you okay?”

Ella stuttered for a moment trying to form her words, “Not really Mom. I’m just not having a good day.”

“Do you need to come home? I can come to get you,” Olivia said, already standing from her position on the couch.

“No, it will be okay Mom. I promise. I’m just going to head to bed. It really isn’t a big deal,” Ella insisted.

Olivia knew that pushing would only make Ella close off more, “Promise to tell me when you get home tomorrow?”

“Yes, Mom. I promise.”

“Okay but if you need me tonight just remember I am only one call away okay?”

“I know. I love you.”

“I love you too. Sleep well, my beautiful daughter.”

Ella hung up the phone, more tears rushing down her face. She crawled into the shower letting the warm water pound against her skin. When she was done she flopped down on the bed in the spare room. Her phone buzzed under her pillow. She pulled it out more tears rushing down her face as she looked at who was texting her:

Amanda: Ella, please answer me.

Where are you, Ella? Please tell me you are okay.

Ella. Just let me explain myself.

Ella Bella. Please. I love you. I am so sorry. Please don’t hate me.

Ella: I’m safe. Now stop messaging me. We are done

After she responded Ella flipped over her phone and cried into her pillow till she fell asleep.

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“Casey! What are you doing here?” Olivia asked as she walked out of her office.

“Ella forgot some of her softball stuff at Rollins’ place. I was wondering if I could talk to her for a moment,” Casey smiled, giving Olivia a hug.

“Of course! I have to run but it was good to see you outside of your coach’s uniform,” Olivia laughed rushing for the door.

Casey giggled before walking over to Rollins’ desk. She pounded on the top making Amanda jump as she looked away from her case file.

“Casey… Ella wasn’t at my place last night. I don’t have her softball stuff,” Amanda said sheepishly.

“Oh I know…” Casey said with her fist clenching, “She came to me crying… walking all by herself. Her mother would have KILLED you if she knew what happened.”

Amanda looked down at her hands, “Why didn’t you tell Olivia?”

“Because Ella asked me not to but I will tell you exactly what I told her. This is a one-time deal. I’m covering for Ella NOT YOU. If Olivia asks me directly I will tell her,” Casey said leaning towards Amanda, “And if you EVER hurt Ella again like you did last night. I will personally make sure that you never see her ever again.”

With that Casey stormed out of the precinct leaving Amanda with silent tears running down her face.

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Skip to after Rollins’ undercover operation is discovered and Olivia confronts her about it.

“Rollins! My office now!” Olivia commanded as she walked into the precinct.

Amanda got up sheepishly from her desk as Fin’s eyes followed her. Olivia was pissed and she knew it in her stomach that it was about Ella.

Olivia was sitting down at her desk, her laptop turned towards the door. Rollins shut the door behind her sitting down at the chair in front of the computer. Olivia pressed play on the video forcing Amanda to watch Ella screaming at her from that night she had been caught. When Ella turned to leave Olivia stopped the video.

“That’s my daughter. In an illegal gambling warehouse. Before you started your undercover operation. On Thursday. A Thursday when she was supposed to be at your house. Somewhere I thought she would be safe. Yet here she is… not safe and lying about it! She lied for weeks! To save you! I thought it was weird that she stopped asking to go over to your house. Started avoiding you. But now it all makes sense! You betrayed my trust, Amanda. Not only my trust but my daughter’s trust. Neither of which I take very lightly.” “I’m so sorry Olivia. Let me explain..”

Olivia cut her off, “I don’t want your explanation. You are on desk duty and placed on probation till further notice. You have a lot of trust to build back Rollins. It will not be an easy road.”

“I understand,” Amanda said, nodding her head before she whispered, “What about Ella?”

Olivia let out a large sigh, “I won’t stop you from seeing her but I won’t make her see you either. If anyone deserves an explanation about this situation it is Ella.”

Amanda nodded and rose from her chair. Before she left Olivia called out to her again, “If you want to talk to her Fin took her to interrogation one where she will be staying until I can gather her to go home. Or until I need the room. The little stunt you both pulled got her grounded for three months.”

------------------------

Amanda entered the interrogation room, her arms filled with Ella’s favorite snacks. Peanut butter cups, bbq chips, and a Dr. Pepper. Ella glanced up from her homework but once she saw it was Amanda she quickly looked back down.

“I brought you something to eat,” Amanda said, placing everything on the table in front of her, “Figured you were hungry in captivity.”

Ella tried her best to remain straight-faced but let out a small giggle. Amanda smiled at this sitting down across from her. After a long moment of silence, she finally spoke, “Can we talk Ella?”

Ella looked up momentarily grabbing the peanut butter cups before looking back at her lap again, “About what?”

“Why didn’t you tell your Mom that night that I had stood you up and you found me gambling? You could have been free right now.”

“Because you are my best friend,” Ella said slowly unwrapping the candy, “Best friends look out and care for each other. I wanted you to get help. Not get in trouble.”

“I did get help,” Amanda told her, “I am going back to meetings. Found a new sponsor. Seeing a therapist.”

Ella nodded, “Good. I’m glad to hear it.”

“Are you going to ever forgive me?”

Ella looked up at this comment, “Of course. I could never hate you. You are my Aunt ‘Manda.”

With this Amanda began to cry. Ella scrambled from her chair, taking Amanda in her arms hugging her close. Amanda buried her head into Ella’s shoulder.

“I love you Ella Bella,” Amanda whispered.

“I love you Aunt ‘Manda.”

As they stayed like that for a couple more minutes Fin and Olivia stood outside the room looking through the window.

“Are you going to forgive her, Liv? Everyone makes mistakes,” Fin commented.

Olivia sighed, unfolding her arms, “My daughter has always been more forgiving than me. Maybe it is time I take a page from her book.”

“And it has nothing to do with the crush that you have on that cute blonde partner of mine?” Fin asked her.

“Don’t you have real work to do with your partner?” Olivia asked before heading back to her office and closing the door.

[cal-tries-to-write]

Chris’s not so imaginary imaginary friend

A/n I know a lot of the firefighting stuff I say is extremely incorrect but for the sake of the story it needed to happen also to be in true 911 fashion. So I am sorry for anyone who can’t read this because of the in accuracy’s I feel for you I do. Also if your wondering why I picked the shows I did I just said whatever was playing in the background when I was writing. (Just a little fun fact I do that a lot)

“Has Chris ever mentioned a imaginary friend to you?”

Eddie turned his head from his son to the therapist next to him. “Why do you ask?”

“Ever since the tsunami Chris has been drawing pictures of himself and this person he calls Buck.” The therapist handed him a drawing, it was of a little boy with Chris written above him and he was holding someone’s hand. The person next to him was taller with blonde hair and blue eyes, he also had wings and what looked to be a crown on his head, above it written in black crayon ‘Buck’.

“No he’s never mentioned any imaginary friends or anyone named Buck either.”

“So he doesn’t know anyone with that name.”

“No.”

The therapist nodded.

“So I shouldn’t be worried?”

“As far as I can tell no. Though I do encourage you to talk to Chris about this Buck person and maybe find out more. That may help figure out who he is and why he showed up now.”

Eddie thanked the doctor as Christopher came out of the room and towards him. Telling him he was ready to go home.

Later that night when Eddie went to put Christopher to bed he saw him drawing again. The same person from the picture he had seen at the therapist’s office, except this time he was pointing to someone on a rescue boat.

“Hey,” Eddie leaned on the door frame, “what are you drawing?”

“Me and my friend Buck.” Chris put down the crayon to smile at his dad, “he saved me. Helped me find you.”

“Really? Can I meet him.”

“No.” He answered bluntly before going back to working on his drawing.

Eddie moved so he was now sitting next to Chris, “How come?”

“He’s shy. He’s also worried he’ll scare you.”

Eddie though for a moment before replying, “Well how bout you tell him that I’m not scared of anything and that there’s no need to be shy.”

A smile spread across Chris’s face as he looked up from his drawing, “Your scared of Santa.”

Eddie let out a small laugh, “Your Abeula told you that story.”

“Yeah.”

“Well I’m guessing she left out the part that i had the flu.”

“She said you say that to make it seem less worse.”

“Does she now? Well just for that,” Eddie stood up scooping Christopher up in his arms, “it’s time for bed.”

“Noooooo!” Chris turned into a ball of laughter as Eddie put him down on the bed and pulled the covers up tucking him in.

“Good night buddy.” He kissed the top of his sons head.

“Night dad. I love you!” Chris called as Eddie walked over to the door.

“I love you too.” And with that Eddie turned off the light and closed the door behind him.

Walking over to the couch Eddie sat down and turned on the tv absently scrolling through Netflix trying to find something to watch. Though his mind kept wandering to Chris’s imaginary friend. How come he did tell him sooner? Was he worried that he’d say that he was to old for imaginary friends? Did he talk to anyone else about Buck? Was this an actual person that he had met an was misremembering how he looked? Was it just someone who helped him and now he had become attached? Was Chris lonely? Realizing he was overthinking he finally redirected his focus to the tv, realizing that he had stopped scrolling in the middle of his over thinking. Netflix started playing the show that he apparent stopped on,Supernatural, he remembered Bobby talking about the show one time, apparently May really like it. She even went to comic con to meet the actors. Deciding he didn’t have anything better in mind he put the remote down and let the episode play.

Eddie groaned as he slowly opened his eyes trying to wake up. He looked around and saw he had passed out on the couch, there was a pillow under his head and a blanket over him yet he didn’t remember grabbing a pillow or blanket the night before. He was for once thankful that he had the second late shift because that meant he could spent time with Chris because it was the weekend and have some time to actually wake up before heading to work. He bolted up when he heard a crash come from behind him.

“Sorry.” He realized it was just Christopher who had dropped something on the ground.

“It’s alright,” Eddie walked fully into the kitchen now, “what are you doing?”

“When I woke up you were still asleep on the couch so I decided to make you breakfast.”

“You were? Well that very nice of you. How about I help you though?”

Chris looked at him and contemplated it for a brief moment, “ok.” He smiled picking up the bowl.

“Ok.” Eddie smiled back as he headed to the pantry to grab the ingredients they would need.

“Hey dad,” Chris had finished his pancakes and was now looking at Eddie who was still eating.

“Yeah,” Eddie put down his fork to look at his son.

“Did you know Buck has a sister?”

“I didn’t.” Eddie was glad that Chris at least seemed more comfortable talking about Buck now that he knew Eddie knew about him.

“He does. Her names Maddie she’s Chimney’s guardian angel.”

“I’m pretty sure Maddie is Chim’s girlfriend bud.”

“I know but she’s also an angel like Buck.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Eddie some how manages to be running late even with the fact that both Carla arrived early to pick up Chris and he managed to leave his house early himself. Damn LA traffic. When he finally did get to the firehouse his team already left on the first call of the shift. He knew he wouldn’t hear the end of this from Chimney, he’s been living in LA for almost two years and yet he still seemed to forget about midday traffic. Deciding the best thing to do would be start his chores and pray that that getting them done would at least help Bobby forgive him for being late he headed to the locker room to get changed.

“Eddie did you forget about traffic again?” Chimney walked up behind him slapping his back.

“No I actually left early.”

“Yet you were still late.”

Eddie shook his head ignoring Chimney’s remark and faced at Bobby, “I really am sorry about being late, I did get my chores done for the day though while you guys were at the call.”

“I’ll let it go this time because I’m pretty sure this is the first time you’ve been late since you started here. Just don’t let it happen again.”

“It won’t.”

The day was fairly slow after that, meaning everyone was just sitting around at the station. Bobby was baking, Hen was next to Eddie reading some medical textbook while Eddie was catching up on the news, and Chimney was playing pinball trying to beat the record Hen had set. The peace and quiet was suddenly interrupted by the bell going off signaling for an apartment fire.

When they arrived to the building other teams where already working on getting people out. Bobby headed straight to fire chief to find out what his team needed to do. She explained that stations 19 and 144 were clearing floors 1-10 so his team needed to clear floors 11-15.

Heading back to his team he relayed the information and assigned one floor for every three people so one truck could hold take two floors. Hen and Chimney were paired with another firefighter while Eddie was partnered with Lewis and Anderson, two paramedics that he knew somewhat well, which was a relief.

After clearing their floor, 13, Eddie, Lewis and Anderson heard Bobby called over the radio that everyone needed to get out, the building was going to collapse soon. As they walked down the hallway to the stairs Eddie swore he heard someone yelling but when he asked the other two about it they said they didn’t hear anything. As they reached the stairs Eddie heard the yell once more and not being able to leave the building knowing that their might be someone calling for help he told Lewis and Anderson to go while he double checked the room he thought the yelling was coming from. They both gave him a look and said that the building wasn’t stable and they needed to get out. He reassured them he’d be right behind them.

As he entered to room he was reassured in the fact that someone was calling out. He walked through the living room calling out to them trying to get another response. After clearing the living room and kitchen he headed to the two bedrooms. Grabbing the door frame to the master bedroom he felt the building shake, he was running out of time. He then saw something move in the corner of the room. He called out one final time and finally got a response a weak one but a response none the less. It was a little kid no older than 7 curled under the bed looking terrified.

“Hey, I’m here to help.” He walked over and knelt down, “Can you come out. Then we can get out of here together.”

The kid slowly crawled out from the bed and grabbed Eddies hand. As soon as he was out Eddie picked him up and ran out of the room, out of the apartment and into the hall, knowing he was going to be out of time soon. As he was halfway down the hall he felt the building shake and the floor give out beneath him. He held the kid closer, closed his eyes and waited for the impact of hitting the floor beneath them, but it never came. Instead when he opened his eyes he was outside the building. He was in the alley next to fire escape. Slowly he set the kid down try to process what had just happened, he looked around thinking maybe he passed out when he hit the floor and someone dragged him to the fire escape? But then someone would have been around. He shook his head, what had just happened he could try to figure out later right now he needed to get the boy to Chim and Hen so they could make sure he really was ok.

“Hey buddy,” He took off his helmet and mask so he could talk easier, “you alright? Can you walk?”

“I think so?” The kid mumbled looked confused himself.

“Alright follow me. I’ll take you to the ambulance where my friends can check you out and make sure you’re not hurt.” He took the boys hand once more and lead him out of the alley where he saw his team looking at the building collapsing in on itself.

“Hen! Chimney! I got a kid I need to to check out.” He called waving to get their attention. As soon as their heads turned they, and Bobby, started running over.

It was 4pm by the time he got home which wasn’t late which wasn’t late enough for him to just go to bed even though he was beyond tired. Even though he just got off a 24 hour shift he really didn’t feel like messing up his sleep schedule more than it already was. Instead he compromised with sitting down and relaxing that way he didn’t have to do anything but would still sleep tonight. The only downside was Christopher was hanging out with his aunt meaning that if he did fall asleep no one would wake him up. But he could stay awake so that wasn’t a problem, pulled up Disney+ this time and put on the Simpsons, not really paying attention he drifted off to sleep half and hour later.

Once again he was awoken by the noise of something crashing this time it sounded like multiple cookie trays had been dropped, the loud noise was followed by a quiet “shit!” It’s takes Eddie a moment to realize that he’s supposed to be home alone and the second he does remember he’s up off the couch and quietly walking towards the kitchen trying to see who or what made the noise. As he gets a clear view of the kitchen he sees a man with dark blonde hair mumbling to himself holding a recipe book. Normally Eddie would be confronting the man asking what he’s doing in his house, or he’d be moving to make the better move, calling the police. Yet he just stands there frozen because from where he’s standing it looks like the man has soft barely blue wings and a glowing golden halo around his head. Eddie just froze, he finally shook his head and rubbed his eyes but nothing he did changed what he saw.

“Kära gud,” Eddie breaths out, he realizes he said that aloud when the man turns around and drops the book as his wings flair up. Eddies first thought is he looks like a big chicken ready to fight. When Eddie looks from the mans wings to his eyes he’s meet with the beautiful blue eyes it hits Eddie who this person in his kitchen looked exactly like,“Buck?”

A/n that last thing Eddie says is Dear god in Swedish and it was Spanish but I changed it because I saw a post about him also muttering under his breath in Swedish.

[feverinfeveroutfic]

chapter twenty-nine: new kid

Sam, Aurora, and Zelda stayed in San Francisco until early Sunday morning, and even though the latter had had a room with Zetro, she stayed the night with the two of them especially since they were all headed back to the Northeast together; and meanwhile, Lars vowed to take care of them for the rest of the weekend. His fridge was full of food and his tiny house was warm and dry from the dense, cold San Francisco fog bank. Some time in between then, on that Saturday afternoon, Lars took out a faded photograph from his bottom clothing drawer and he showed it off to Sam. A young couple with a young child in between them: the man had a thick lush beard that extended down to his chest while the woman wore a light lacy shawl about her shoulders.

“It's me and my parents,” Lars told her in a low voice.

“Aw, so adorable,” Sam remarked as she cradled it in her hands. She eyed Lars nestled in between them: his apple cheeks were large and round and his bright eyes gazed back at her. “How old were you here?”

“I was—seven, I think? Seven or eight?”

“Your hair looks so soft and smooth,” Aurora added as she peered over Sam's shoulder.

“It still kind of is, too,” Lars pointed out with a stroke across the crown of his head with his palm. “Speaking of which, I feel like a shower right about now, my ladies.”

“You wanna look good for us before we leave, right?” Zelda joked from the hallway. She appeared in the doorway and rested her hands on either side of the door frame.

“That's for me to know and for you to figure out,” he retorted with a wag of his finger. Sam peered down at the photograph and she wished for her journal right then, or at least a singular sheet of paper and her black ink pens with her at that moment. She could do it right there for him.

“When I see you again after we leave here, I'll try to remember to bring it back for you,” she vowed to him.

“Oh, no, it's alright,” he told her as he put his hands on the bottom hem of his shirt. “My dad actually has the original one back at his place down in Los Angeles. That one's just a copy I got and asked the photo people to make it black and white just 'cause it looks nicer to me.”

“Right, right...” Without another word, Lars stripped off his shirt and Zelda whistled at his slightly round little body.

“Avert your eyes, girls,” he commanded with a wave of his left hand. He ran his fingers through his smooth light brown hair and he let it drift down over his shoulders and the upper part of his chest. Sam skirted past him towards Zelda and the doorway, and Aurora followed suit. The three girls filed out to the hallway and, once Lars shut the door behind them, they headed into the den to wait for him.

Once Zelda sank down on the left side of the couch, and Aurora took her seat in the spindly chair next to the table right outside of the kitchen, Sam couldn't help but laugh as she looked on at the photograph in her hands.

“What?” Aurora asked her, but she never answered with anything other than another soft snicker.

“What is it?” Zelda joined in as she drummed her fingers on the arm of the couch.

“These people and their desire for me to draw their families,” she chuckled.

“Or just them as kids,” Zelda chimed in.

“It's because art makes one youthful and timeless,” Aurora explained.

“It's also indicative of a kid's behavior, too,” Sam added, “you know how when you're in elementary school, it seems so easy to make art and make a lot of it, too?”

“Absolutely,” Aurora said with a nod of her head. She then turned to Zelda with a stern look upon her face. “By the way, I'm taking what you told me about the label into account and I'll be chatting with Jon about it once we get back to New York tomorrow. Well, not tomorrow—Monday. But, you get the idea.”

“Okay, thank you so much,” Zelda said to her as she clasped her hands together.

“You're quite the manager, Aurora,” Sam told her. “I did work side by side with you over the summer.”

“Imagine if she's manager for the Cherry Suicides,” Zelda suggested.

“It'd be quite the promotion,” Aurora pointed out. “I could be manager for you girls and Sam could one for Stormtroopers.”

“Although I don't know how hard it's gonna be to listen to any harder music, though,” Sam confessed with a shrug of her shoulders. Both Zelda and Aurora showed her soft looks of comfort. It was in fact the truth: Cliff's absence made everything feel different, especially with the thought of that music scene firmly in mind and all around them.

“Speaking of Stormtroopers,” Sam started again, “what's the story on them? They kinda just stopped, didn't they?”

“I was talking to Scott yesterday about that,” she said, “and I guess that's—not too far from the truth. It's like an outlet for him and Charlie.”

The sound of water running in the wall filled in the brief silence and Zelda snickered at the sound of it.

“What's so funny?” Aurora asked her.

“Just thinkin' about Lars in that shower,” she confessed.

“You and drummers, I swear, Zelda,” Sam joked as she set her free hand on her hip. Anything to help her with the

“'Cause I be a drummer, too, y'know,” Zelda retorted with a little gyration of her head and a pattering of her feet on the hard wooden floor beneath them.

“You can be a drummer and like other musicians after all—like you and Zetro!”

“He's got a girl, though. Besides, I can't do that to my dear Lewis, either.”

“Louie Louie,” Aurora followed up.

“Louie Louie, yeah!” Zelda then lay her head on the top of the cushion and she tilted her head up so she could look at Sam upside down. “But what comes after Cliff now?”

“Just taking care of myself, I guess?” she said with another shrug of her shoulders. “Keep making art and being friends to these boys because they need us now.”

“They do need us.” Aurora drummed her fingers on the table top before her. Silence settled over them again. Silence save for the water that ran through the pipes in the wall.

But then the doorbell rang.

“I'll get it,” Zelda quipped and she ducked passed Sam there at the side of the couch. She turned to Aurora there at the table.

“Are you hungry? Especially since we haven't really eaten anything all day.”

“Nah, I'm good. I am kinda dying of thirst, though.”

“Okay—”

Sam sauntered into the kitchen for a glass of water and, when she poured it out of the pitcher rested upon the counter, Zelda's voice floated in from the front foyer.

“Aurora?”

“Yes?”

“Alex is here to see you,” she said.

“Me?” Sam stopped right in her tracks, and she faced the doorway. Alex was there again, and yet she had no idea if she wanted to see him again given he was so cold to her the day before. She had no idea if he would still be nonchalant towards her and thus she stood there before the counter with the glass of water in her hand.

“—he's in the shower, though,” Aurora was saying. “So what brings you here?”

“I want you to do something for me,” Alex started in a near whisper; careful not to bring attention to herself, Sam shuffled in closer to the doorway. They were about five feet away from her and yet he spoke in a voice so soft that she stopped at the counter's corner and leaned in closer to the doorway so she could better hear him.

“Go on,” Aurora encouraged him.

“Well, it's actually for the whole band—I'm just the one telling you, though.” He hesitated for a second and Sam wondered how he was feeling.

“Go ahead, Alex. It's okay.”

A soft rustling followed.

“Want me to leave?” Zelda asked them.

“No, no, it's okay—you're a musician, too,” he assured her.

“What is it?” Aurora gently encouraged him.

“Do you have any idea if we have a deal with the label yet?” he asked her in a small voice.

“First off, why are you asking me this?”

“I was asked to do it while you're still here in the Bay Area. Yeah, I was literally asked to do it. Apparently the guys think because I'm smart enough that I can do it.”

“Eric couldn't do it?” Aurora was flabbergasted by that.

“He had to go somewhere. So because I can drive now, I'm here.”

“I haven't heard anything, no.” She paused. “Why? 'Cause you're eighteen now?”

“Yeah. Like—I'm kinda ready to go on tour now. I'm out of school and everything.”

“Right, right. Well—I'm not really the right person to turn to with that, but I'd be more than happy to ask around, though. There is one thing I want to ask you, though, Alex, and that's the band's name. I distinctly recall hearing about a year ago that there's another band elsewhere called Legacy.”

“It's The Legacy, though, if I remember correctly,” Alex told her, “that's as far as I know. I'm kind of the last guy in the pipeline to know these things.”

Sam knitted her eyebrows together at that. If he was so smart and so cool for his young age, then why was that the case? He was in fact that young, she remembered. She was only three years older than him.

“I think Billy said something about that,” Zelda recalled. “I have a vague memory of that—of all of us sitting in that little room together and he said something about that. I forget what he said, though.”

There was another pause.

“Is there someone else here?” Alex asked them.

“Sam's here,” Aurora replied, to which Sam herself closed her eyes. “She's in the kitchen getting me a drink of water. Which, by the way—hey, where's my water?”

Sam sighed through her nose and she headed out of the kitchen with the glass in her hand. Alex, who had taken his seat across from Aurora, had his back to her. He turned his head when she stood in between the two of them and she caught a glimpse over at Zelda, who had returned to the couch. She shook her head at her.

He knew she was there. How did he know she was there?

He gazed up at her with those deep eyes. At least he wasn't wearing the yarmulke that time around.

“How're you doing?” he asked her, still with that cold tone of voice.

“I'm doing alright,” she replied, and she shifted her weight in that spot in between them. He just sat there with pieces of his thick black curls strewn down his shoulders and onto his chest and his hands rested upon his slender thighs in repose, and yet she was unnerved by that grave expression on his face. Young and old at the same time, and that tiny gray pearl over his brow didn't help matters, either.

The water switched off in the wall across from them, and that was her cue.

“Oh, good, Lars is out of the shower!” Sam declared as she felt her face growing warm. “I have to ask him something—”

She handed Aurora the water and she bowed away from there. She scurried past Zelda and down the hall to Lars' bedroom. She pushed open the door and ducked inside.

She let out a long low whistle but she almost jumped out of her skin when Lars emerged from the bathroom behind her.

“Sam, what the fuck you doing in here?” he demanded, and she covered her eyes with one hand once she turned around. “It's okay—I'm just wearing a towel but still! What're you doing in here?”

She lowered her hand; Lars stood in the doorway with the towel wrapped around his thick waist. His hair dripped wet and his chest heaved from the surprise.

“I just needed to get out of there,” she sputtered.

“Why?” he stammered as he padded out of the bathroom to his dresser.

“Alex is here.”

He stopped.

“Alex is here? Really?” His face lit up.

“Yeah, he's—talking to Aurora right now about something.”

And then he froze.

“Wait. Why exactly are you in here?”

She ran her tongue over her bottom lip and then fetched up a sigh.

“He's—unnerving,” she confessed in a low voice.

“What do you mean, he's unnerving?” He knitted his eyebrows together.

“He's like—chilly. Like there's something off about him.”

“Oh, that's just how he is,” Lars assured her. “The kid's a work horse having to balance school and being in a serious band for a while now, so it's matured him a lot in such a short amount of time. And as a result, he does seem a little bit arrogant to a lot of people. That's just how it is with Alex. It's nothing to take personally. In fact, if it's any comfort to you at all, he intimidates all of us. He's a young Jewish kid with this ferocious fire in his belly that's totally not what his parents expected and yet he still went with it. And he was taught by Joe Satriani, too. Kirk was a student of him, too, but even he's afraid of Alex.”

“Well, he hasn't been very comforting towards me, whereas most everybody else has been, especially you and Kirk. Actually no—I take that back. You and I were pretty much alone yesterday.”

“Well,” he began again as he turned towards his dresser for a fresh change of clothes, “a lot of it has to do with the fact that you were kind of hidden away when you and Cliff were together. It was a secret he kept away from even the three of us. But now that Cliff is—out of the picture—you can mingle and integrate yourself more with these people. It's alright, though. I had the same problem when I first came to America. Exact same problem. It just helps to—be a little more assertive. I can help with that.”

“What did you do?”

“What did I do?” He took out a clean pair of underwear.

“Yeah. And—you want me to avert my eyes again?”

“Please.” And then she turned away from him. “But I talked. Just talked to people. Just introduced myself to people, shook their hand and bonded right there. That was how I did it, I don't know about you, though.”

“Hmm...”

“I mean—I hate to do this to you, but your name is Sam. You can turn around now”.

“Right,” she stated as she did. “And what about it?”

“It's a man's name. You have a man's name. You have an androgynous name.”

“And?” She shook her head at that.

“When you have a man's name, you ought to go forth like a man. Be a lady but also be a man. That's the best advice I can give—is to act. Act like how men act, but I do not mean that in a literal sense. Take Alex's cool collected demeanor. You don't have to be as cool as a cucumber like him, but it does in fact help, though.”

He slipped on a clean pair of blue jeans, left leg first followed by his right.

“I mean, the fact you were able to move to a different coast and set up a homestead there tells me that there is a bit inside of there. You just need to—” He zipped up. “—tap into it more and tap into it more often to boot.”

“Be like Zelda,” she said.

“Zelda is a good one to draw from,” he noted as he slipped on a black Deep Purple shirt over his head. “I think her being a trommer helps, too. Very visceral and just—something about sweating brings something out primeval in a person.” He lifted his dripping hair out from under his shirt and then he reached for his towel again to better dry it off. He doubled back to the bathroom to hang it up on the rung, and then he returned to her with a twinkle in his eye.

“Come,” he beckoned her, and then he stopped. “Actually, no. You should be the one telling me to come.”

“Okay, come then,” she said with a straight face and a gesture of two fingers, which brought a giggle out of him: she noticed the little indentation over his left eye, about the size and shape of a pea, something she never noticed before then.

“What's this right here?” She fingered the spot over her own left eye.

“Oh, my scar? James gave me that about three years ago. You really honest to god don't want to know how he gave it to me.”

She then gestured for him to follow her back out to the hallway. If she was to be more forth going, then it began with comfortably standing next to Alex. Lars followed her into the front room, where Alex himself and Aurora stayed at the table, but he had picked up the photograph Lars had given Sam as a reference. He showed it to him once they came back into the room.

“Is this your parents, Lars?” he asked; his voice seemed a lot bigger and louder to Sam now that they were in close quarters rather than out in the open.

“Yeah.”

Alex turned it back around for a second look. “Kinda thought it was my parents at first. And I was thinking, 'my brother probably took this.'” That brought a laugh out of Aurora, but Sam and Zelda stayed silent: the former stood next to the couch with her hand on the top, right behind Zelda's head.

“We are both Jewish after all,” Lars pointed out.

“More so me, though. I dunno if you ever had your own parents refer to you as 'meshuggah' for wanting to go into music before and for the music you play, but that's the case with me.”

“A couple o' Jew boys,” Zelda joked.

“A couple o' Jew boys, exactly!” Lars laughed, but Alex continued to look on at the photograph, still with a collected look on his face. There was in fact something intimidating about him as Sam watched those deep eyes scan over the photograph as if he was reading over something important rather than a family portrait. There was a young boy in there still, but he had been locked away behind those deep penetrating eyes and that sliver of gray.

The three girls and Lars spent the night together, and then he drove them back to the airport bright and early that next morning. He threw his arms around all three of them before he let them climb aboard.

“I already told Zetro I was leaving early,” Zelda assured him as she picked up her suitcase. “And he gave me the biggest frickin' kiss before I said goodbye.”

“Aw!” Lars laughed at that. “Alright, safe travels, ladies! And Sam?”

She whirled around for one last look at him, and his expression switched to one of seriousness.

“If you need anything at all, just call me,” he told her, to which she nodded.

“Yet another person to tell me that.”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“Neither of us have much but we do have each other, though.” He then blew her a kiss and the three of them padded down the gate to their seats.

“Charlie and Marla already go home?” Zelda asked them in a low voice given it was still pitch dark outside of the window.

“Don't know,” Sam confessed. “Lars didn't say anything about them all weekend...” Her voice trailed off for a moment and then she remembered what she had said to Lars before they stepped into the plane. “By the way, Zetro kissed you?”

“I was thinking the same thing!” Aurora chimed in.

“Yeah. Just a little peck on the cheek, but yeah—he kissed me.” She halted right in her tracks. “Louie and I are just roommates,” she assured them. “I'm just paying his rent.”

“You sure about that?” Sam asked her as the image of them together at that market popped into her mind. Zelda let out an exasperated sigh.

“Okay, fine. Louie and I are in fact a couple, and we've been a couple for a long time, but—I don't think it's gonna last.”

“Why?” Sam was taken aback by that.

“Because of Legacy. They're a West Coast band and I'm a Rhode Island girl. It's been hard on him to be in the Northeast but he does it anyway because—” She pursed her lips together.

“He loves you,” Aurora stated in a soft voice, to which Zelda nodded.

“Yeah. He does. It's hard on both of us but we manage and we've managed for this long, too—we were together when Alex joined. We met at a Plasmatics show, believe it or not, and then he told me he had just joined a band and he was a drummer. And—” She then fetched up a sigh. “—I feel us slipping apart. We live together and we've lived together for almost two years now, and I feel us slipping. So I started talking to Zetro more because he treats me better.”

“That explains why you guys weren't really communicative with each other the other day at the ceremony,” Sam recalled.

“Yeah, and that's why I'm also flying home with you, too.”

Aurora gasped at that.

“Aw, I'm so sorry.”

“He'll be back at some point, though,” Zelda assured her. “He needs to fly back to Providence to fetch his things, so he needs to be back just to sign a thing saying that he doesn't live with me anymore. Or maybe I can send 'em back for him, I dunno yet...” Her voice trailed off and the three of them fastened their seat belts.

“I am gonna say this, though,” she piped again, that time with a serious look on her face and one pointed at Aurora. “The new Cherry Suicides album is going to be one worth looking at.”

“Will do,” Aurora vowed, and they took off from the blackness of the Bay Area and made the flight back to New York. Zelda picked up her car and Sam and Aurora drove back to the latter's apartment; meanwhile, Sam herself took the subway home.

“Are you gonna be alright?” Aurora asked her as she gave her one last embrace.

“Oh, yeah,” she assured her. “I have people to talk to now.”

Sam returned home and then she walked into school the next day and the next couple of weeks with a fresh feeling over her head. She continued to wear that hat but that time, she kept it on her head as she headed back home. Cliff was always with her even when he wasn't. She kept the hat next to her on the table as she ran her paint brush over the heavy grained water color paper and worked on the current painting of a cluster of red and yellow tulips.

Yellow to honor him, red to keep his spirit going even in his wake. The green of the leaves and the background meant he was part of the earth yet again.

It took her a week given the washes on the petals kept on washing out upon drying out, but she managed to make the darkest shade of red on the biggest tulip at the front with a pure bit of paint rather than from her palette. She handed it in that Friday before she walked up the block to visit Aurora on her break.

The autumnal rains were upon New York City once again as she held onto the hat by the crown. At a quick clip, she strode up the sidewalk to that vast white building on the left side of the street. The front door hung a little ajar, and she saw that the front room was completely vacant.

“Hello?” she called out, and Aurora surfaced from the far end of the hallway in front of her, complete with the deep purple sweater wrapped around her body.

“Hey! You came just in time!”

“For what?” Sam shut the door behind her and made her way down the hall.

“Two things,” said Aurora with a twinkle in her eye, “the first is we're moving.”

“You're moving?!” She was stunned by that, but Aurora burst out laughing at that.

“No, not me! Anthrax found a better place to jam and record at—a few blocks from here. The second is—meet Metallica's new bassist.”

She moved to the side and the tall, long haired boy stepped forward. He had a smooth, slightly square face, a prominent nose and brow, and yet his face lit up when he saw her. His long smooth mousy hair drifted behind him, much like Joey's hair, and he wore a short black coat that looked to be from a nearby thrift shop.

“Already?” Sam muttered aloud.

“Already,” he said in a soft voice, and he showed her a little grin as a result. “My name is Jason. Jason Newsted.”

“Hi, Jason Newsted,” she replied as she took off her hat for him and he nodded his head at her. “Awful quick.”

“I know, right? It was all kind of a whirlwind but I got into it.” He gave his hair a slight toss back and she noticed a bare spot on the right side of his head, right underneath the longest part of his hair, as if he had a cowlick there.

“He followed Metallica around for weeks on end this past tour,” Aurora told her.

“Yeah, I did! I was with another band called Flotsam and Jetsam, and when we didn't play, I studied Cliff's parts down to a T, like I took copious notes and tried it out myself. So when I tried out for the audition, Lars and James looked each other like, 'uhh, yeah? We need this guy with us!'”

“Well—I wish you best of luck,” Sam said to him in a soft voice and she held the hat close to her chest.

“Aurora told me about you and Cliff and—I just wanted to meet you first before we leave for Europe soon. He was an inspiration to me. You were a lucky girl.”

“And you're a lucky man,” she said, still in a soft voice.

“I have to make a couple of phone calls,” Aurora told them both.

“I do, too,” Jason added.

“And I have class in a few minutes,” Sam said as she put the hat back onto her head.

“Stay in school,” he advised her, “and I love that hat on you!”

“Cliff did, too,” she told him as she adjusted the brim. The three of them headed out of there and back to the burgeoning rain. Sam peered over her shoulder at Aurora and Jason as they headed up the sidewalk, the other way. No one could replace Cliff, but she had a good feeling about him. She had a good feeling that Metallica were in good hands with the new kid.