#but like not a super bad wreck i am just disorganized

[sleepysheepytea]

lol idk what this is

pls dispose of me

so this happened a few days ago at work dsfjhgkj 

im insanely shy and i have a bad habit of apologizing for literally everything (like if someone honking walks past me im like ‘sorry’) 

nd one of my coworkers is an interesting character to say the least. i can’t tell if i wanna be his friend or if i just have a crush and im not letting myself admit it but whatever this has been living in my head forever cuz its so honking funny

and i feel like it would work as like an oc dynamic thing dsjkfhj or something idk what my mind is doing rn

[broifoundher]

Hey people! I found another old fic of mine. Again, from before I joined tumblr and yes, this one does have an ending. Ok, well… contains spoilers obviously.

Happy reading!! (or not, if you don’t enjoy…)

DEAD

Angst (title speaks for itself), happy ending

Psst… I tried keeping as much of the original as possible. But I did however make a few —lots of, actually— changes —but nothing to the story, just to the writing— so that it’s easier to understand, because, let’s be honest, I was even more disorganized then than I am today.

At least 2,5k words (I really don’t know, I added a lot of descriptive words…)

Chapter 1 : Dead

You met Alex first. Then she introduced you to her sister.

And from that moment on, the youngest was infatuated with you.

But then you got kidnapped by her aunt.

———

“The alien has fused with her metabolism. It’s like they’ve become one.” Explained Winn.

“Are you sure? Is there any way to reverse it?” Asked Kara, hopeful as always.

“No. Not with the technology we have.” Apologetically explained Winn.

“What about my pod? We can use Krypton’s technology?” Stated Kara.

“Except, that is included in what we have.” Rectified Winn.

(Alarms)

“What’s that?” Asked Kara and the screens immediately lit up, putting up the feed of your holding area.

“She woke up. Not her. But the alien. Again.” Said Winn.

(Another set of alarms)

“She just broke her restraints.” Said Winn. “Oh god, we haven’t found anything to weaken her yet… I mean it! … This is bad… This is terribly bad…” Stated Winn as you started punching the glass. Cracking it despite it being one of the most solid things in the intergalactic market.

“She just broke out of containment.” Stated Kara. “I’m going.”

“Wait! No.” Went Winn, but she was already gone.

Meanwhile, he watched as you ruthlessly killed DEO agents that were once your comrades.

And though a part of him felt sorry for you, another was reluctant to lock down the facility. To at least slow you down before you go wreck the city.

Because the unfortunate truth was they had no idea if they could actually hold you down anymore. And drag your ass back to containment. Maybe they’d even need to kill you? Would they even be able to do it?

…

“(Y/N)! Please, listen to me.” Said Kara as she arrived on scene right as you smashed an agent’s head into the wall, bursting his skull open.

Splattering his blood onto yourself and around. Your face’s muscles didn’t even flinch out of the neutral expression it was wearing. Not even blinking.

Meanwhile, Kara barely contained herself from puking right there and then at the stench and sight of death.

“Please…” She pleaded. “Please come back to me.” She tried controlling her trembling lips. “I know you’re in there, somewhere…” She whispered. “You’ve gotta be!”

You looked at her into her sky blue eyes as you let go of the corpse. Before nonchalantly making your way towards her.

“(Y/N). (Y/N)?” She asked, feeling more scared than hopeful at the look in your eyes. “Please. Can you hear me?” She asked, not realizing she had lifted her hands up and in between the both of you. “Are you there?”

You stopped dead in your track when you heard the uncertain waver in her voice and you focused on the way she suddenly breathed in messily.

“Please. This isn’t you.” She went on, a glint of hope that you had stopped because you had recognized her. “I know the real you. And you’re one of the most amazing people I know.”

She kept on walking forward, gaining bits of confidence in her every step. All the while, you simply observed, unmoving like statue and with a blank expression. Though your head tilted slightly to the side when she had reached proximity.

But then, doors wired open and agents came rushing.

Your head whipped around to them and they, much like the others, were disposed of quite easily and quickly.

You weren’t particularly fast considering her super speed. But to the human body’s reaction speed, it was fast. And the shock kept her frozen in place a second too long. As you cracked and squashed bodies here and there, ruthlessly.

“No! No. No. No.” Screamed Kara, devastated and broken.

And it brought your attention back to her.

You could easily assault her like the other agents. And it wasn’t her Kryptonian biology that was keeping you from doing so. Something else.

“Kara, you have to stop her. It’s not her. (Y/N)’s dead, she’s gone. This alien is only wearing her face. Don’t let him drag her reputation through the dirt and into the dumps.” Said a voice in her ears.

She sniffled as she steeled her resolve. Knowing she had to. Knowing that if she didn’t, you’d kill everyone.

But when she opened her eyes and stared at her best friend’s face, she found her resolve melting immediately as she crumbled into a sobbing mess.

“I can’t. I can’t. Alex…” She cried, shaking her head, on her knees and in the literal growing puddles of your victims’ blood.

She sniffled and hung her head down low. Feeling utterly defeated. She wanted to be strong. She had to be. For the sake of humanity.

“I can’t…”

You stared down at her figure.

“Shit, she’s gonna get herself killed.” Cursed Alex as she watched through the cameras.

“Wait, Alex. If you go, you’ll get killed too.” Stated Winn.

“I don’t care. But I won’t sit around watching my sister die when I could’ve at least been there with her.” She stated and ran with her load of weapons.

Kara hit the floor in frustration. She was supposed to be a hero. To be different like Winn had told her. To be above them all, to be better.

But she couldn’t… She was madly in love with you. And despite you not being you anymore. Looking at you was making her entire body fall numb.

You stopped in front of her and bent down. She didn’t even look up, feeling defeated. So you grabbed her by the hair and pulled her head back to take a look at her face. Which was tear strained.

She was… well, she was a crying mess.

Everyone was supposed to look ugly when they cry.

But you barely got a glimpse of her sky-blue eyes through the slit that were her eyelids. And through her eyelashes.

Your gaze then trailed all the way down her face to her chin and then her neck. To which you stopped at the throat.

You then used your free hand to trail down the tip of your fingers onto the bulge of her throat.

She was expecting you to have snapped her neck already. And the way you were taking your sweet time made her slightly hope that part of you still remained.

But not Alex.

Who hit you using the alien gravitational gun the DEO had gotten after the Cadmus incident.

And your back hit the concrete ceiling as the gravitational force pined you there.

“Are you okay?” She yelled to her sister.

Unable to break free out of the non materialistic force, you glared at the agent.

“Yeah…” Sighed out Kara as she pushed herself up on frail limbs.

“Good. Then finish her.”

“What?” Asked Kara.

“This is the only thing that has proven to be able to hold her. And even then, we have no idea for how long. It’s the logical thing to do.”

“No. I can’t.”

“Kara. If you don’t do it now, the whole world will be damned!”

“But…” She sobbed.

“Kara. It’s not her.” Alex’s heart was breaking as well and even more seeing her little sister in such a wreck. “But you have to listen to me. Do you remember when you nearly pulverized the DEO because you were angry at your mom for lying to you about Astra?”

Kara listened through her sobs.

“It’s not really her!”

Kara yelled in frustration and sadness at her sister’s words as she burned you to death with her laser vision. Until all that remained of you were mere ashes.

So that the alien had no chance of surviving. Whatever it was.

Alex then let go of the gun’s trigger and Kara collapsed to her knees. Hurt, terribly terribly hurt.

Alex let go of the alien gun and padded in the pool of blood to held her sister into her arms.

As she tried to desperately hold her own tears.

While Winn cried in front of the screens.

This had been a terrible experience to the entire group of super friends. A hard, unfortunate and difficult experience. That some had more difficulty to pass over than others.

And Kara was never the same.

She spent days in a bundle of pain as she cried day in and day out. Her family and friends worried about her. But she wouldn’t let any of them in.

Among all of them, only Lena didn’t have the whole story. So it was understandable why she’d be saying the wrong thing unknowingly.

But for her sister to do so. When she knew exactly what happened. She found it unforgivable.

“You have no idea how it feels!” She yelled at her sister. “Alex.” Almost growling her name. “Imagine —losing —Jeremiah, Eliza… Losing me. Can you imagine it?” She hiccuped through her breath. “And then imagine having to kill Maggie.” Added Kara through gritted teeth and trembling lips. “Can’t you see?”

“I…”

They held a memorial and to the public, you were remembered as just one more of the agents that had gotten killed during the ‘attack’.

However, Kara never came. Not even as Supergirl. And to keep appearances for when she’d come back, J’onn was attending to casual Supergirl duties in her stead.

She drowned in her sorrows in her apartment, feeling completely broken.

Going over and over the things you had done together until the point she had to kill you. The possibilities that she could have made that day.

If she had used her super speed and held the trigger for her sister. Maybe Winn could’ve worked some sort of gravitational waves to keep you restrained. Until they’d be able to cure you?

And if that didn’t work, then maybe with Lena’s help?

If only she had thought of it back then. If only someone had.

“It’s my fault…” She sobbed on her own.

———

Chapter 2 : MusicalChapter 2 : Musical

…

In the end, her family was there for her. Friends too. And slowly but surely, she got stronger and better.

———

Barry and Kara were walking around but she stopped following her friend when she noticed you.

“Oh Rao…” Breathed out Kara as she was definitely looking at you. Or at least, someone that looked like you.

“Kara. You okay?” Asked Barry as he came back for his friend.

“I…” She blinked away a few tears. “I don’t know…”

Barry frowned and glanced over to where she was looking.

“One of yours I guess?” He figured as he spotted and didn’t recognize you. “Good or bad guy?”

“Good.” She ended up answering sadly.

“Come on. We gotta go. It’s not really them.”

“Yeah… Yeah, I know…” She said as she kept her eyes on you.

“Kara? Are you crying?”

She sighed and finally ripped her eyes away from you and looked at her friend.

“Sorry, let’s go.” She said but you nudged her elbow.

“Excuse me my lady, but have we met before?”

She froze and didn’t dare look behind.

Meanwhile, Barry attentively glanced back and forth.

“No…” Answered Kara. Without even turning around. “No. Let’s go Barry.”

“Okay…” Breathed out Barry as Kara pulled him by the arm. Leaving you with a brow tilted. As you watched the woman’s back disappear.

…

“Want to tell me what happened there?”

“Nothing.” Answered Kara.

“Yeah, okay…” Said Barry as he let it go.

…

You then blinked awake again and you were suddenly in… the musical.

You looked around in confusion as you wondered where and how you got there.

“Woah. You’re late to the party.” Said the man that had broken into your apartment. “How is it that your mind was taking such a long time to process this world?”

“Am I dreaming?”

“Hm… Ask the others, I don’t feel like repeating myself today. Bye bye now.” He waved and disappeared.

“What the…” You turned on your feet and frowned. “Where’d he go?”

…

“Alright, I’m sorry, but I can’t ignore it any more.” Said Barry. “Hi! Hello.” He said as he waved and came forward to you. “My name’s Barry. What’s yours?”

“Are you stuck here too?” You asked him, feeling his way of talking closer to yours than the others’.

“Wait. What do you mean stuck here?”

“Were you dropped by this well dressed guy with dark hair into this place?”

“Wait, you mean, you’re real?”

“Are these people not real? Because they feel real?”

“No. Omg. Kara, did you hear that? We’re now three to be trapped in this musical.” Said Barry as he turned to face her.

You looked over and met two beautiful blue orbs staring back at you.

“Hi.” You smiled and waved. “Name’s (Y/N). So you’re Kara?”

Her lips started trembling and you retracted your hand.

“Sorry, did I? Did I do something wrong?” You asked Barry.

“I don’t know.” Shrugged the guy.

“Sorry. Yeah. I’m Kara.” She answered and shook your hand.

“Oh okay… Kara.” You shook her hand and your smile fell. “Kara Danvers.”

Her eyes snapped up to you.

“You have a sister, Alex.” You mumbled like it was coming back to you. “… Supergirl.” You added. “Wait… I had a dream about you before…”

“…” Watched Barry.

And you frowned as you tried remembering. “I can’t… Remember… Oh wait… No, I can…” You blinked and stared sadly into her eyes. “You killed me.”

“Oh.” Gulped Barry.

“I did. I’m sorry. I did.” Cried Kara and you wrapped your arms around her.

“Shh, hey. It’s ok.” You said. “But if I’m dead, what am I doing here?”

“Let me answer that question.” Said the Music Master as he appeared sitting on a table. “You are neither from another universe than Supergirl’s nor are you the creation of her own head.”

“?” You frowned. “Just answer the question dude.”

“You’re not actually dead.” Finally dropped the guy. “Don’t get me wrong, your body is. Burned to ashes. But! Not your soul. You see? Where I come from, eh, you wouldn’t even understand… But! The important thing is, I can help you go back to your previous life where you’d get to live with this fine lady who is simultaneously your killer.”

“Wait. If my body doesn’t exist anymore. Does that mean you’ll make me reincarnate into a dog?”

“What? Well, do you want?” Asked the guy.

“What are the options?”

“It honestly just doesn’t work that way.”

“Am I at least going to remember this?”

“Yes.”

“Will I get my old life back?”

“Hmm… Fine okay.”

“What do you get in exchange?”

“You have nothing to worry about that.”

———

Chapter 3 : Coming HomeChapter 3 : Homecoming

The Music Master handed over a necklace to Kara.

In which contained your soul.

So she left Earth-1 and came back bearing the biggest grin she had in a while.

…

“Did she get brain damage?” Asked Winn.

“She’s smiling.”

“Exactly, she hasn’t smiled this earnestly since…” But then Winn stopped himself. “Sorry.”

“What? No. It’s actually fine.” Said Kara. “Here.” She pointed to her new accessory.

“Necklace? Cool.” Replied Winn, confused.

“It’s (Y/N).” Said Kara as she joined her friends and sister.

“Okay, let’s go scan for brain damage effective immediately.” Stated Winn.

Kara let her shoulders down and opened the little bead, letting your soul out.

“Omg, is that a ghost?” Gasped Alex.

“Hi Alex.” You said. “So this is what he meant? I feel bamboozled.” You said as you looked yourself over. “Can I even touch stuff?”

You tried touching the table but went through it.

“Oh. Bummer.” You pouted.

“Come here.” Said Kara with a huge grin and open arms.

You floated all the way to her and she wrapped her arms around your body.

“I can feel it!” You gasped and she squeezed you.

“I love you so much.” She said as she kissed you on the cheek. And you fully materialized.

“Uh. First aliens, now magic. What next?” Said J’onn.

“I’m sure there’s a scientific explanation to this…” Murmured Winn.

“(Y/N)? Like (Y/N)?” Asked Alex as she travelled towards the both of you. “In like (Y/N) without the psycho alien?”

[spices-and-cherries]

Being domestic with Benoit Blanc would include...

There’s not nearly enough content for this wonderful man and so here I am, making it myself. I hope you all enjoy!

Warnings: Fluff

- You! Have! Matching! Mugs! You had seen a nice mug set for couples and had asked Benoit if he’d be okay with it. He said yes! A few months later, he had come home from a trip and surprised you with a new set. He bought them as a souvenir and thought you’d like them. Now, you have four sets. If it weren’t for the fact that you don’t really need an exorbitant amount of mugs, you’d probably have more.

- He’s messy. Not in a bad or gross way, he just tends to be disorganized. He’s one of those people who know exactly where everything is even though the place looks like a train wreck. It’s for that exact reason that you don’t go into his office very often (unless it’s to bring him a snack).

- His closet, on the other hand, is very neat. It’s most because he doesn’t have much there to begin with. He just sticks with what he likes and only gets new clothes when he really needs to. That being said, he has one drawer from your dresser just for his ties. He usually picks them out based on his mood and he takes his time to choose the right one. Pro Tip: Get him one for the holidays or for his birthday. He’ll wear it for a week straight.

- He doesn’t tend to take cases that are out of the region. He likes being in the comfort of his home and you - it helps him think better than some hotel room. He always asks if he can talk his thoughts out loud and you almost always say yes. It didn’t take long for him to start bouncing ideas off of you.

- He loves helping you out with your job just as much as you helping him. He’ll listen to you with all of his attention when you feel you need to go through your presentation just one more time. He likes to learn and likes to hear your voice. It makes him feel better about him always talking about cases - he doesn’t want you to feel like he’s taking and not giving. Of course, you’ve never thought that because you love to hear him talk and to see him get excited.

- You’ve split the chores and do as much of it as possible on Saturday. The both of you try to make it as fun as possible with music playing or having jeopardy in the background (the winner gets a forehead kiss). There is no laundry machine in your apartment, so you have to go downstairs. Folding and hanging it when it’s done, while a bit tedious, is the best part. You get to rest a little and talk about the week or anything new that’s caught your interest.

- At some point, you get a cat. He has short hair and is a sand color. His name is Sleuth. You and Benoit took almost a week to find the perfect name. You take turns feeding him and taking care of the litterbox. Sleuth is pretty affectionate and will most definitely sit on you as you cuddle on the couch. You may or may not have a folder of Sleuth and Benoit napping together saved on your phone. When you need to take five at work, it’s usually the first thing you go to. They make you feel fuzzy inside.

- You really want to have at least one plant, but Benoit doesn’t have the attention span and you’ve always had bad luck with them. You settle on a nice arrangement of cacti instead. They sit along the windowsill in the living room.

- He always let you use the bathroom first. You never really understood it so one day you dragged him in with you so you could brush your teeth together. Now, it’s a daily routine. Maybe you’ll shave at the same time or do your make-up next to him. This is also how you got him into skincare. He has very delicate skin, but he always stuck with moisturizer. You offer some of your foam cleanser and he accepts out of curiosity. He ends up liking it, so you buy another bottle. He was very touched.

- After getting sleuth, he brushes the hair off his favorite coat every morning. You end up getting him a lint roller because it was getting a little ridiculous.

- You now have an affinity for cigars. He usually smokes them outside out of concern for your shared space - not to mention Sleuth. You find that the smell of cigar smoke and his aftershave becomes very comforting. Maybe at some point you’ll give it a try. Maybe you’ll even enjoy it or decide to save it for special occasions. If you are ever curious about cigars, he would be more than happy to tell you anything you want to know.

- Benoit is sober. He finds that alcohol can mess with his brain and he doesn’t like the feeling of not being in complete control of himself or having no awareness of what’s around him. He totally respects it if you do enjoy a glass of wine with dinner or relaxing with a can of beer. For fancy occasions, like an anniversary or a holiday dinner, he may have a glass of wine and actually enjoy it. While he doesn’t have a lot of experience with wine, he does like white over red because it’s not as bitter. Either way, he’s the most content with his cigars.

- Sometimes, when the both of you can afford to stay up late, you put on a movie. While he enjoys mysteries, he has a strong affinity for older comedies and musicals. They remind him of his childhood. Some of his favorites are My Fair Lady (1964), Harvey (1950), and anything Charlie Chaplin. He also enjoys more modern comedies, not just because of the humor, but because you were the one to recommend them. He makes sure that there’s always enough popcorn and blankets and enough space for Sleuth to join you. These little dates are some of your favorites.

- You’re not the biggest fan of shoes in the apartment - you like to keep them by the door. Benoit makes an effort to remember to take his off when he comes home.

- He likes hearing you sing, whether it’s while you work or washing the dishes. He’ll try to keep as quite as possible so you won’t stop. On the rare occasion that you spot him and continue singing (you usually clam up immediately), he’ll sing or hum along.

- He’s really good at listening. If you are crying, he’ll just hold you close to him, rubbing your back or kissing the top of your head. He’ll wait until you want to talk and always knows what to say or when to not say anything at all. It’s not often that he himself will cry. If something happened at work, he won’t talk much. It doesn’t happen a lot, but you can see the tells and will let him have his space. You might have to baby him a little to get him to eat because he will forget. When the two of you go to bed, he becomes the little spoon and will melt into your arms. You’ll rub his back and run your hand comfortingly through his hair.

- He’s not super into PDA, but loves cuddles. He likes to be the little spoon when you’re on the couch taking a nap. He loves having your hands running through his hair. If you two are sitting, you’ll be resting your head on his shoulder and your arms around his. In bed, unless he’s sad, he is the big spoon. He like feeling like he’s protecting you. He will make you wear socks if your toes are cold, but finds it amusing if they end up anywhere but your feet by morning.

- He radiates heat. You end up eating less pasta during summer because for some reason it makes him almost unbearably warm. It makes him sad that you are less willing to cuddle with him as a result. But in winter, it’s a whole other story. It’s the best time to cuddle because he’s almost like a weighted blanket. Hot cocoa, blankets, a movie and Benoit Blanc equal a wonderful winter weekend. It’s also the only time of the year that you demand he holds your hand when you find yourselves outside. At first, bless his heart, he thought it was because you kept forgetting your gloves (which was partly true) and kept reminding you to not forget them - he grabbed them himself at one point. If you just tell him you want to hold his hand, he’ll understand a lot quicker.

- He’s not very good in the kitchen. You try and teach him, but at this point, it’s a lost cause. He makes up for it by cleaning up the mess after. However, if you decide to do something super easy, you like to make him wear your ‘kiss the chef’ apron because it absolutely looks better on him than you.

Please feel free to send me requests or ideas! I really liked making this one, so I might do a Part 2... 

- Simpy

[warriorstale001]

Could you do 1,4,5? Thanks! Loving your book btw! I could never have the confidence to do a book and stick to plot! Its scary-

Thank you! It took me a while to get the confidence to start writing and actually posting my works so I get how you feel. I struggle to stick to a plot too sometimes (don’t get me started on consistency XD), but nearly everyone who comments on my works are super supportive and understanding which helps me feels more positive about them. My writing is definitely nowhere near perfect and I know it, but at least it’s an improvement from where it began. The scariest part for me was definitely posting for the very first time, but once I got past that it was fine. I’d really recommend writing, even if it’s just for your own personal enjoyment, but I get doing so is probably not for everyone ^^.

Anyways on to the asks!

1. Tell us about your current project(s) - what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

I’ll just give a really short (and bad lol) description of each work I’m doing.

Xtra Small: Cross turns back into a kid after Ink throws a potion at him and the gang have to deal with the consequences. Progress is currently very slow and the thing I love most about it is writing fluff for kiddo Cross!

Itty Bitty Brother: Dust decides that turning Dream into a bitty and handing him to Nightmare in a jar will be the guardian’s best birthday present ever... Nightmare isn’t so keen on the idea however. Currently working on the next chapter of it now and it’s about halfway done I’d say. I love writing a confused Dream just anxious that the gang are planning something to kill him or something while they’re really just celebrating Nightmare’s birthday with dumb party games.

Bittybones In Need of Hope: Story about two bitties having to deal with some of the worst humans alive and being treated like absolute garbage until they eventually get rescued from their terrible situation. Been slowly writing the next chapter of this and I love writing the really fluffy parts that take place in between the angst parts since the story is mainly angst at the moment.

Bittybones in Need of A Good Home: Story where reader takes in several abandoned and abused bitties, helping them recover from their previous traumas. I eventually plan to get back to this work and the thing I love most would probably be the scene where the two brothers get reunited after each of them thinks the other is dead.

Xtra Small: The One-Shots - Just extra chapters I wrote for XS. Haven’t written one in a while but I love how I don’t exactly have to stick with plot here and on occasion I go a bit mad with them haha :D.

I’ve got some other works I’ve written down that I may post someday too, but I won’t spoil any here.

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you’d like)

I’ve already answered this question in a previous ask :3.

5. What character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

Hmm... I have no idea honestly. I mean I’d probably have to say the reader insert I wrote for Bittybones In Need Of A Good Hope. So in other words I’m forgetful, disorganized, an anxious, nervous-wreck near other people and a little clumsy but I try to be kind and helpful where I can be heh ;D. If I were to pick a character from Nightmare’s gang though... I’d say Dust cos I can be very childish and a little irresponsible at times... and sometimes I don’t think things through very well (Me too often: I’ve got a 9 a.m. lecture tomorrow but I’m enjoying reading this fic too much to sleep rn... as long as I get like 3 hours sleep I’ll be fine, right? Authors Note: I was not fine the next morning and regretted my life’s choices once again... why am I like this :’) ).

Thanks for the asks, have an awesome day ^^!

[mianmimi]

Random question but I am interested in being a nurse, studying to become a professional nurse, I mean. If you have any advice, any do's and don'ts, that'd be wonderful. Thanks! You're a real life hero! People like you have inspired me to take this career and take college again after dropping out the first time. You're amazing!

Thank you so much for this Nonny, I super appreciate it! Not gonna sugar coat it, nursing school is extremely hard for a variety of reasons. But...it’s also super worth it! I just complied a few things I learned during that time. Hopefully it helps you out :) These are in no particular order btw.

***You gotta pick a school that’s organized. Please for the love of everything holy. This is your future, so take the time to investigate how organized the school is. I got a scholarship to the college I went to so I foolishly took it without even looking anywhere else. It was close to home and partially paid for but oh my god Nonny....it was extremely disorganized! We were being tossed into clinical settings without even getting a proper lecture about the place beforehand. I remember getting sent to a psych unit without being taught anything beforehand and the first patient I encountered immediately went off about demons. You can imagine how unprepared I was. Also they expected students to find their preceptorship placements, which is something that the school should have been responsible for! I highly suggest you choose a school that’s organized. It’s not about the name, it’s about how well they run the program.

***It’s okay to take time. I finished my RN. BSN degree in five years instead of four. And that’s okay! I literally cried when I had to take a semester off cause I couldn’t finish my preceptorship hours in time for the next semester. I’m telling you Nonny, I was completely crushed and furious. The only reason I didn’t get those hours in on time was due to the school’s disorganization (there it is again), since they couldn’t find placement for me and several others. It ended up being a blessing in disguise though. After I finished my preceptorship hours it was still early into the next semester, effectively giving me a huge break and plenty of downtime. I used the downtime to work, learn a new instrument, and just destress. I also asked my classmates for the syllabus to the class, giving me a head start. By the time I finally did the next semester it was a breeze since I did a lot of the papers ahead of time. Which leads to the next advice.

***Ask students a semester ahead of you for advice. Ask them how the professors are and what to expect, and any tips on how to survive. I also asked them for the syllabus so I could get ahead. If you become good friends with them, try asking for their notes and textbooks! It saves tons of money and usually people write notes on those books. You can also ask people who graduated from the same program if they can lend you uniforms. You’ll save soooo much money dearest Nonny.

***The clinical days will feel super long. It’s usually 12 hours on your feet Nonny, and rightly so since that’s the length of time a shift will be. Get good shoes. Take care of your feet. If your school insists on certain shoes like mine did, get them ahead of time and break them in. Don’t be like me thinking it would be okay to wear them for the first time during a 12hour shift. Don’t be a human blister.

***This is gonna be a group effort. Your classmates are gonna be your family for the next few years. Surround yourself with people that will support and help you. Don’t go for people who are gonna free load! Please don’t make that mistake. I did and ended up doing a ton of the work. It was frustrating. Find yourself a group of friends that you can trust and you can share work with. It’s gonna be a reflection of actual nursing tbh, so practice choosing your circle wisely.

***In terms of studying, everyone has a different style. With that said, your style may very well change during nursing school. You can’t just info dump for a passing grade. Nursing school isn’t just about raw facts. It’s about taking those facts and applying it. There’s gonna be a question and all the possible answers are correct...but which is the best? That’s what nursing school is gonna be like. Lots of critical thinking and constant learning. I highly suggest practicing lots and lots and LOTS of study questions. Practice NCLEX questions dear Nonny, so get used to them. Nursing school exams are basically prep for the real NCLEX, at least with my experience. So practice NCLEX style questions!

***You’re gonna meet some very bad nurses. It’s really awful to say, but there are some bad ones out there. I’ve had them as preceptors, teachers, and coworkers. It’s a small percentage but it’s enough to ruin the experience. However....don’t let them get you down Nonny! Learn from people who want to teach you! Nurses eat their young and it sucks. But there’s also lots of nurses who nurture newer ones and take them under their wing ^^ It’s all about the individual really. So learn from people who truly want to teach and help you succeed. Believe me, nurses who really know their shit are happy to share it! Part of the growing process of becoming a good nurse is to also learn from the bad. Take it as an opportunity Nonny.

*** You’re gonna cry and that’s okay! I have a much thicker skin now than before nursing school, and it helped me in the long run! A huge part of the work is patient advocacy, which requires you to speak up on behalf of others. For me, I had to learn to speak up for myself before I could effectively do that of my patients. It’s a painful process especially if you deal with anxiety, but it shapes you in the long run. I used to cry extremely easily over something mean a doctor would say. Nowadays I can either ignore it, or tell them to clarify without it destroying my mental health. With that said, everyone’s experience is different but frustration and tears seem to a common thread. I’m not saying this so discourage you Nonny, but to prepare you. Trust me, if a nervous wreck like me got through it, you can as well!

These are just the things that came to mind Nonny. If there’s anything in particular I can help you with, I’d be happy to!

[rachello344]

ace-of-twos:  last night you reblogged a thing and one of the options was “tell me a story that happened to you”. i’m sorry this took so long to type. but here it is. i hope you enjoy reading it. sorry it’s a mess. 

… [Rachello344: I’m adding a readmore because damn is this a helluva story, but it is also quite long XD]

first thing you gotta know is that like any set of best friends, lex and i make terrible decisions. this includes deciding to go to the fair last minute which, yes, may sound like a great idea, but just wait for it. the second thing you gotta know is there are going to be a fuckton of asides in this story bc the entire day was a magical and incoherent wreck. 

there’s a fair that comes into town twice a year. i don’t usually go bc it’s hot and loud and god there are so many people. but lex convinces me and we go.

our first mistake: we arrived as it opened, at 1pm. 

our second mistake: from arrival to departure, we did not leave the fairgrounds. 

our third mistake: we stayed until approximately 8:30pm. 

keep in mind that those numbers, first and second and third, only really apply to that particular list. many mistakes were made that day. most, but not all, were made by us. it was terrible but also mostly hilarious. 

so, to get into the fair and actually get to the rides, you have to walk through a long kinda psuedo hallway filled with carnival games. giant prizes are hanging from the ceiling. one of these prizes is a dragon. it’s fucking adorable as shit. keep this in mind. it’s important. 

at about 2pm, both of us high on adrenaline, we decide to ride the tilt-a-whirl. i have never properly been on a tilt-a-whirl so a number of things happen in rapid succession. lex scares the shit out of me by making the carriage spin super fucking fast. (i thought you were just supposed to sit there and let the momentum spin you around. oh, how wrong i was.) i discover that i fucking love the tilt-a-whirl. i demand we ride it again. we get in line. when we get back to the ticket gate, the person managing the ride tells us that we’ll have to take another person in the carriage with us. this is fine until it’s revealed that this other person is a 10yro girl. 

lemme describe this girl for you: big, trusting eyes; dark skin; the sweetest smile; chocolate colored hair in a neat bob; matching shorts and top. basically she’s the most adorable small child i’ve ever seen. 

lex and i are 100% planning to spin the ride out of control. 

i am slightly worried for this child. maybe we shouldn’t do this. i really don’t want her to throw up, specifically on either lex or i bc we are idiots who live far away from the fair and yet brought no spare clothing despite the fact that fairs are messy places. to be fair, i also just really don’t want her to have a terrible time. but mostly the throwing up would be a downer. 

we spin the ride. 

for two seconds, i watch the small child with concern. and then she screams, the delighted kind, and i help lex turn the carriage into a poorly maintained and probably dangerous metal tornado. 

(s'all good, no one’s died at the fair in… years, probably. idk.) 

i’m pretty sure we made that kid’s day. we also probably made her parents want to kill us bc we definitely turned her into an adrenaline junkie. 

moving on. there’s a swing ride called the yo-yo. (yes, it’s exactly as terrifying as it sounds. the only ride that scares me more is the zipper.) lex initially doesn’t want to go on it bc tbh it’s a wee bit rundown. it’s an old fair, everything is a little broken, but this ride is like scarily old. but then she remembers some of the nostalgia or smth and we get in line. 

all the swings are individual seats, one in front of the other, around a thing that spins. a major fucking asshole sits in front of lex. 

i’m already scared out of my mind, no matter how fucking safe they claim to be those things do NOT feel secure, and then this guy? he starts swinging back and forth, trying to hit his girlfriend that’s sitting in front of him. he hits lex multiple times in the process. i was so close to strangling him but i really didn’t want to be arrested for murder and ruin an otherwise good day so i moved on. 

(also he and his gf spent the entire time before the ride got started making out????? like wow. can there be a limit on pda? like please? chill out.) 

you remember that dragon from earlier? let’s get back to it. 

okay, actually, one more aside. it’s time for lunch. lex and i have realized too late that fair food is fucking expensive. we spent all our money getting day passes so we could ride every single ride available to us. lex is a bottomless pit and i don’t eat much, but even i’m hungry. 

we do the obvious thing and beg my dad to drive out to the fair and give us money for food.

(yes, we had passes. this means we could’ve left and come back. no, we did not do that. in our defense, going home would’ve taken like an hour and then add in food prep time and actually eating it and then coming back? yeah, no. fair only comes once a year. it’s ride or die.) 

my dad gives us way too much money. yep, his mistake. like. giving a large amount of cash to teens wandering around a fair? not smart. 

despite the fact that we were both starving, it’s also fucking boiling out. we aren’t as hungry as we think we are. so we split a poutine and still have a ridiculous amount of money left. 

back to the dragon. 

we’d gone up to one of the stalls before and asked what we had to do to win one. the lady is old and kinda grumpy, probs not super happy about working around screaming kids, so instead of telling us how many balloons we had to pop to get a dragon (the information we were looking for) she tells us how much money to just straight up buy it. 

i’m hard of hearing and have problems processing auditory input so i do not hear what the price is. this is before lunch and i have fourteen dollars. 

she walks over while we’re trying to count out how much change i have and then shakes her head. she did not say fourteen dollars. she said forty. anxiety kicks in and it’s suddenly the worst moment of my life. 

after lunch, we have forty dollars leftover. we march up to the lady and i would love to say we shoved forty dollars in her face but we did not. we crouched over her counter for about ten minutes trying to figure out what combination of change equaled forty dollars. then i awkwardly poured it into her hand. 

she’s going to just give us the dragon but apparently she has to keep up the ruse bc she drops a handful of darts on the counter. we have eight darts between us and we have paid forty dollars. all i want is the dragon. 

we each throw four darts. it’s horribly sad to pay forty dollars and get a measly eight darts. but hey, the economy is shit. we are also shit. as in, we are awful shots. i think we managed to pop a total of three balloons. it’s far more likely that we only popped two. 

i tell myself that we aren’t paying for the darts, we’re paying for a dragon. 

the lady hands us a dragon. i forget that anything bad has ever happened to me in my life. i am so fucking overjoyed to have a dragon. like damn. 

the rest of this story happens much, much later. 

it’s about 7pm. lex and i have decided to go on one last ride and then leave. we’re both wearing shorts, have no jackets, and it’s getting cold out. so we get in line for the himalaya. 

(to explain, it’s kinda like a roller coaster but it only goes around a little circular track. they play really, really loud music the entire time the ride is going. it’s awful and amazing. esp bc they play weird shit like gangam style and old justin beiber songs. it’s weird. the ride spins forward for half a song and then backwards for the last half. there’s usually a guy standing by to make sure that everything runs smoothly but he also has another purpose. he sits there with his hands out and high fives as many people as he can. it’s amazing but as the lighter person i’m never on the outer edge so i can almost never reach him and it’s upsetting.) 

we’re waiting in line for the himalaya. we’re both tired. we’ve been here for six hours. both quiet. and then lex screams. 

she’s seen our friend chris on the ride. we did not know chris was there, had no plans to meet up with him. and chris is kind of awesome and bubbly and just all around a pretty cool dude. we both love him. 

so clearly, we spend the next couple of minutes making funny faces at chris every time the ride brings him closer to us. it’s what friends do. 

when chris gets off the ride, he’s here with some other people that we barely know but that isn’t important, we make plans to ride the himalaya together as our final ride. lex and i get on the ride and we’ll meet up later. 

(before then, we also persuade him to ride the tilt-a-whirl with us and scare the shit out of him by spinning it as hard as we can. there’s videos of him just screaming. it’s pretty great.) 

then it’s the last ride of the night. the himalaya. 

we all get in line. 

after such a good day, something just had to go wrong. 

we’re getting pretty close to the start of the line and there’s a pretty decent gap in the line bc it’s late and everyone’s lazy so lines tend to be disorganized. a group of teens is kinda chilling next to the line and they do the unthinkable. they attempt to slide into the line just ahead of us. 

this brings us to the part of the story where chris almost gets in a fight. 

chris may be an airhead but he absolutely will not stand for shit like that so he just holds his arm out in front of him like a shield and tells them to go to the back of the line. the teens do not take this super well. 

incorrigible as ever, they still jump the line but this time they end up just behind us in the line. everything is fine. and then the ‘leader’ starts talking shit at chris, backed up by his boys. 

(i should mention that chris is trans, pre-t, and fucking tiny. he also lacks comon sense. for all that he may be like three years older than me, he will always be my little brother.) 

so when the leader says, “if you ever fucking touch me again, i’ll grope your ass,” we all get a little defensive. also bc the guy’s a dick. 

there’s two kids in line behind us and in front of them. lex has noticed them, i did not. they’re middle schoolers. clearly. they’re full of energy, dancing and dabbing and just generally being walking, talking memes. lex is also a memelord. these are her people. so she turns to them and asks them to annoy the shit outta the guys behind them. 

being annoying middle schoolers who love chaos, they comply. 

at some point they ask us how old we all are. now, remember how i said chris is fucking tiny? he tells them he’s 21 and they don’t believe it. and of course, i’m 19 but i look 12 so they don’t believe me either. 

chris and i are both fucking extra so we dig out our wallets to present our id cards to these kids. and my wallet is a wee bit of a disaster. i’m also clumsy. so when i try to get it back in the bag, it doesn’t end well. i decide to just carry it with me on the ride and it’s all going great until i trip. all the cards spill out. 

now there’s this guy and i’ve seen him on several rides. he’s wearing sunglasses and a frown. i have not seen him smile all day. he also keeps texting during rides with is baffling to me. ENJOY THE DAMN RIDE. 

just giving you context so he’s clearly established as a douche. 

i trip right next to his car. as i’m struggling to pick up the contents of my wallet, he turns to me and says, “how many fucking cards do you need?" 

i’m not proud, but here’s my response: "how many fucking cards does your mom need?!” then i walked away. and keep in mind that half of my cards are still on the floor as i make my exit. (luckily lex grabbed them.) 

with that nonsense over, we attempt to get on the ride. 

now, i’m a fucking twig with legs and i’ve already said that chris is tiny. we figure that all of us will fit in the one car. we have forgotten to factor in lex’s fucking gigantic hips. she cannot fit in the car with us. so she gets out and looks around and spots them. 

the middle schoolers, they’re sitting behind us. 

lex approaches their car and says, i kid you not, “move fuckers, i’m getting in.” respectful of their meme elder, they allow this. 

we figure that’s enough adventure for one day so lex and i start to leave the fair. it’s been a long day. we are very tired. i say, wistfully, “damn, we should’ve gotten a picture with the meme children.” lex and i turn to each other, communicating non-verbally, and simultaneously turn to head back into the fairgrounds. 

and that’s the story of how i ended up following two children on instagram. 

[mnemehoshiko]

I'M DYING TO HEAR EVERYTHING ABOUT SWCO. I know you already posted some, but moooooaaaarrr, need mooooaaar!

I WILL POST MOREEEEEE MY DARLING!!!

I’ve been busy in academia land (and will continue to be so sadly T_T) BUT HIGHLIGHTS BY DAY

TUESDAY: T -2 SWCO

I run from Symposium to airport in business apparel

My baby sister calls and I’m like “gotta run going to SWCO”

She immediately begins shaming me for like NOT COSPLAYING

Her exact words: “what kind of nerd are you??”

Me: “what is this callout?!?!”

I land! 

I see @lariren-shadow

I lie down a lot

@red-applesith and her bf show up as well

I MEET @shelikespretties 

THE END

WEDNESDAY: T -1 SWCO

I FINALLY MEET @thewayofthetrashcompactor

Shopping occurs because the airbnb has like a fridge and we’re like HEALTHY PEOPLE

we make attempts to be healthy people

Finally, the group of us head to the convention center around 8 because like

the organizers said line up starts at 8

and like WE RECOGNIZE THAT LIKE PEOPLE LINE UP EARLIER but usually the organizers actively dissuade this from occurring

The organizers of SWCO did not get this memo.

Like AT ALL

The line had already started wrapping around the convention center.

Us:….huh

Finally we’re let in, where it’s still SUPRISE SURPISE A DISORGANIZED CLUSTERFUCK

We get in the the first of many lines for the opening panel/40th anniversary panel

consequently, I am now very very good at standing in line

I MEET RAY PARK AND HE’S VERY PLEASANT.

I don’t think he was supposed to be like signing and taking pictures BUT HE DID SO BLESS HIM

We lay down our stuff and like begin to accept our life for the evening once they close the doors at 12AM.

Also realize the hall….has no wi-fi.

am briefly hit by Regret at this point

THURSDAY: SWCO DAY 1 or I Swear to Fucking God I Will Murder Whoever Though a Rave at 1PM Would Be a Good Idea

We’re woken up by like ULTRA LOUD MUSIC IN THE CONVENTION HALL

And first, everyone is like OH DID SOMEONE COOL COME??

Ans: No, it’s just DJ Elliot. Also known as the whitest DJ in existence. NO ONE NEEDS A TECHNO VERSION OF TSWIFT

EVERYONE IN THE HALL IS MUTUALLY UNHAPPY ABOUT THIS 

because we need to be up at like 5am to like LINE UP YET AGAIN and reflect on our life choices

also the Convention Hall lights are perpetually on, the AC is like AIMED TO BE a foot parallel to the floor, and concrete is really fucking hard even with a blanket

No for real, whoever thought that was a good idea i am going to fight them

Finally start lining up again

shout out to @lariren-shadow standing in line to grab us coffee

so many lines

why were there so many lines

Evidently, the 5AM lines were going into the highway

Eventually, get THE WRISTBAND FOR GALAXY STAGE and feel mildly vindicated

THE 40TH PANEL WAS AMAZING!!

I vaguely regret not splurging on a photo op with Hayden but 1) money and 2) LINES

But the panel was #lovingly dragging George Lucas on his non-existent dialogue skills

Also how does Ian McDiramid (?) LOOK SO SPRY??? 

Is it blood? THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW

Then went to the Billy Dee Williams Panel (pictures will come soon)

he was….so so chill

ALSO THERE WAS A SUPER SUPER CUTE BB!LANDO COSPLAY

Then walked around for a bit and like hunted down crew members to be like “so about the line up procedure” 

Crew Member 1: “the official word is that we have on the site”

Crew Member 2: “yeah, nothing’s changed in response to last night/morning.

Us:…cool.

PROMPTLY GET IN LINE AT 3PM FOR THE LAST JEDI PANEL

Run back to airbnb to change my shirt and like deorandant

Jen finally gets back from the Celebration Store. Evidently they were stuck in line for 5 hours

Run back to grab cosplay and also some water

EAT DELIVERY IN LINE BECAUSE FOOD IS IMPORTANT

and probably last #actual food till post-panel the next day

FRIDAY: SWCO DAY2

THERE WAS NO RAVE AND ALL WERE THANKFUL

RIAN JOHNSON SHOWED UP!

and stayed for 3 hours??

I felt bad post panel because I was like oh my god he’s so kind???

Also, it felt like HE REALLY RESPECTED CARRIE FOR HER SCRIPTWRITING ABILITIES AND ASDFSDFSDFDF

more wandering occurred? I think? IT’S A BLUR T B H

OH WE WENT HOME BECAUSE CONCRETE, FLOOR, NOT FUN

THE POSTER IS RAD THOUGH

and red

hahaha I am so so clever *LIES DOWN*

like I legit meant to like STAY AWAKE to like NOT WRECK MY SLEEP SCHEDULE and like lie down for like an hour

which turned into four and I just said screw it and went back to sleep

SATURDAY: SWCO DAY 3

Very lowkey day

Debated trying to get into the store. 

Saw the line and was like, “hahahhahahahahah over my dead body”

Walked around a bit instead

BOUGHT THE THRAWN BOOK but sadly not the celebration one because evidently that sold out within 5 minutes and I refused to fight people for it

ALSO DARK DISCIPLE….which means I should watch the rest of clone wars

ALSO LIFE DEBT

debated also buying Empire’s End but I refuse to buy more hardcovers than I need to and also HEAVY

I’m really disappointed by the map that SWCO had on their app because it was really awful/I was spoiled by the ease that SDCC had

Went to some of the writing panels!

FOUND OUT THAT PHASMA (also known as the only other member of the F.O. that I care about) IS GETTING A COMIC AND A BOOK 

Went to the Cantina panel that Pablo was on, which was surprisingly crowded?

Then went to the Christie Golden panel on writing as well!

Grabbed dinner at the pub where the reylo meetup was supposed to be

Went to the Reylo meetup 

THEY WERE ALL LOVELY

I didn’t mean to scare @cobwebbing !!! It….just kind of happened….

Found out that oh god people do actually read my fic

oh god, I am so so sorry

SEE MORE RAMBLING HERE

SUNDAY: SWCO DAY 4

WOKE UP SUPER EARLY TO GET INTO THE STORE TO GET A CERTAIN SOMEONE A SHIRT 

as well as like me

like i needed something to validate my prescence and all the lines

We were there at like 5:30 and the line was already ridiculous

Eventually got in, and stood in line….again

Took a nap because I WAS TIRED

Finally got in and briskly walked to the Celebration Store….

and got into the “lightspeed lane” for 11AM

so I like walked around some more till they let me in

THAT STORE HAD BEEN STRIPPED PRETTY HARD

*cries* I JUST WANTED THE BB-8 ORANGE SHIRT

I bought some shirts though!

AND MUGS

AND KYLO SQOOSH BALL THINGY

And then ordered indian food for dinner because everything closes on Easter for some reason

proceed to stuff everything into my suitcase and realize I didn’t wear half the clothes I brought

MONDAY: POST SWCO

I FLY HOME

THE END 

[ironjohnred]

Cycles

h/t @SKRedPill

One, you must be hungry to relish food. You can't do it while full. All human instincts run in cycles, regardless of what you believe about love and life. In love, separation creates the pull that brings union, and union soon creates a push towards separation for the next cycle. You forget about the cyclic nature of love somewhere and end up killing it. If you don't realize this, the next cycle of love might very well not involve you!

Two, you are a deeper problem -- forever needy, your instincts running without any sanity, and your unhappiness a deep rooted chronic suffering that'll never go away till you face the "unhappy me" that's never here and now. What "unhappy me" was really seeking, you can't pursue that one thing, because it's not there, but here. This is not the usual happiness that comes and goes in waves, this joy is freedom from slavery to happiness. You can't chase it, but only bring it into your life and express it. Only that can cure deep suffering

This started out as a comment as to a poster talking about why women don't ever seem happy even after they have the perfect life they've dreamt of and chased all their lives. They eventually initiate a cycle of withdrawal, using every trick in the book (all these are well known moves now), that left to itself will end the relationship. Sooner or later they just chase the next hot guy and often in the process wreck their own lives and the lives of others around them. Why doesn't happily ever after exist? How many times do we see that so and so is "Never happy?"

In the past, someone predicted that after machines take over all the jobs, we'll finally have time to relax and enjoy life and its pleasures. Well, think about being jobless for just one week, soon you'll be dealing with mass depression and suicide and unemployment and horror households. I am sure most women would totally lose all their attraction for their ambiton-less lazy men. Why do we dread the utopia?

Because everything in the physical universe runs in cycles.

There is a saying that wanting is better than having. Or that only a starving man knows the real taste of food. Or the sweetest water in the world is water in a desert. The best sleep comes after a hard day's work.

Your body can play tricks with your sense of perception, it will make you do fantastic things when its survival is under threat. If you're very hungry or thirsty, you'd swear that food and water themselves taste different, and like nothing they do on normal days. There was this guy (I think Joe Decker) who ran in the Badwater Marathon and got severely dehydrated due to salt. His team saved the day with a box of salt, and what when he got hold of it, he literally ate the salt right off the box. True story. I've seen very hot summers, and you just want to keep eating salty food.

And then once you have eaten too much, your body actually changes its sense of taste so you don't want to eat anymore. The same thing you devoured easily and effortlessly as a hungry guy might now actually feel terrible to keep eating. You might even get upset or irritated when someone forces you to eat more when you're full and just want to leave the table. Don't you see this with kids and even some grown ups all the time?

When loaded with adrenaline, you can exert yourself like pain doesn't exist. The next day though...

In old books on love, it is said that love burns stronger in separation than union. That's why you have all these stories of separated lovers pining for each other. Separation is a driving force, creating the pull between subject and object. Union quenches the thirst of separation, but eventually by corollary, union will create the push that again drives you to another round of separation, which then brings you back to enjoy the next union, and so on.

There could also be other things wrong - for one the women are always seeking the next adventure, the next high, the next moment and aren't satisfied being in this moment. As a result they are ever needy. Highs become an expectation, and the moment they do, one becomes unhappy.

No amount of anything in this moment that they can have now will satisfy them when they're always looking for the next moment and the next thrill.

The idea that you can have it all and then be satisfied forever is a myth we all tell ourselves to motivate our chase for the next big thing out there. In reality we are really just seeking drama of the chase and the finish line the whole time. The biggest myth you can tell yourself is that if the chase ends, you'll be happy ever after. Once separation ends, and the pain of seeking is gone, you'll be happy and stay together forever.

No way.

That feeling will last for a short time, then it will be time to get back to normal, recharge and start the next adventure. Any high of any kind will soon have to come down for a low or the baseline, any wave will have to pass on for the next wave to come in. Without the cycle of union and separation, love dies.

And that's also why in times of lockdown and home bound, not taking into account the impact on jobs, the financial stress and the economic crash, all the people who claimed they always wanted to spend more time at home sweet home with their families are getting restless and finding the other intolerable. I know, it's happening in my own extended family. In some cases, they even get abusive to each other in a matter of days. Domestic violence has indeed increased quite a bit in many places around the world during the lockdown. Just look at people who've finally retired from whatever they were doing, for a long time they can just be intolerable and forever upset and unhappy at home, like an addict with withdrawal symptoms, and they won't even know why or what to do about it.

So there are 2 solutions. One, after people have had their fill, create hunger again. Most of your base firmware instincts work only when there's a real need, not whenever you want it, and definitely they don't work the way you believe they should. Love isn't anything what people believe it should be logically - it is base firmware. This always works only in cycles, just like everything else in nature. That's why dread and separation matter and why push and pull or sex-comfort-sex works. You have to respect these facts about your instincts. Even breathing works only push and pull. Try and see what happens if you hold your breath with your lungs full or your lungs empty. You won't last very long at either end. You cannot be active 24 hours a day, nor can you sleep as long as you want. Sooner or later your body will demand sleep or force you to get your ass out of bed. Sex too is cyclic. Even muscle building totally needs you to nail the cycle of exercise vs recovery, or else it doesn't work.

Life leads to death, and death is ground for new life. If cycles are true for everything in existence, why do you think a base instinct like love is an exception to the rule?

Although you might think that union is forever, sooner or later, union is bound to create a pushing force again. As bad or as angry as it makes us feel, this is actually natural. No really, your anger only comes out of failing to realize that all emotional highs and lows are temporary and that love is not what you believed it would be. There will be a push that creates separation and dread again, and this is essential for the next round of attraction and union.

There is a reason why it is said, "Familiarity breeds contempt". Old proverbs, lots of experience talking.

So your best bet is to create these cycles yourself. Don't overfill the tank or don't let it drain all the way to empty. Treat love like a Lithium ion battery. Organize the cyclic nature of your own instincts, or else they'll do it in a very reckless indiscriminate way and you'll screw up the life you've created.

Most men allow themselves to go beta simply because they don't realize the cyclic nature of human needs and instincts. They think it's over once you're in a committed relationship. What they don't know is that it's over for just a brief while. Then love needs to start off a fresh cycle, or else sooner or later it will happen subconsciously. Women don't believe it either, but our bodies know better.

So the guy stops doing everything that made him attractive as a lover, he destroys the very cycle of push and pull, union and separation. There're no cycles of love in being a provider, just a routine and chores. He tries to empathize with her pain by trying to make her happy (rather than she empathizing with his abundance), not realizing that she can't shine by her own light, but by his, and that's what is lacking. He tries to do more of the filling her up with niceness and she gets sick of over-eating on what he thinks is love. Eventually she pushes herself away for good, to feel hungry for love again and jump into another cycle of push-pull that someone else gives.

Also, discipline is not natural to base instincts. In the past life was super hard enough on its own to enforce its own discipline, but we are just not used to easy good times where we have to consciously keep up the discipline. So in good times, people's minds and bodies just go awry. Just look at the obesity epidemic these days! Left to itself, love, just like any base pleasure instinct, will try to keep its cycle going in very disorganized and wild ways that can be destructive in modern times if left undisciplined.

That is one essential skill we learn here in RP and MRP, is creating a healthy cycle of separation and dread followed by sex and comfort. There are many of us who know first hand that if we don't maintain healthy cycle ourselves, it will try to go by its own devices nevertheless, and we might very well not be a part of the next cycle!!

EDIT : Every time your relationship changes from one stage to another on the hierarchy ladder, the old cycle of push-pull attraction changes or is broken. Marriage is the worst offender here, but it can apply to all levels. Before an LTR or marriage dating came with a natural push and pull cycle, but afterward you end up spending most of your time sharing space and time which can kill the old cycle. Without starting off a new intimacy cycle and getting into a new rhythm, attraction can very quickly plummet in the next stage of a relationship. A similar thing can happen in long running marriages after retirement. The work-home division itself created a cycle of its own that most people don't pay attention to and when it goes, it can come with a lot of issues.

That solution addresses the immediate problem - not allowing the cycle of love to flow naturally. Not creating enough dread and separation to bring the hunger and attraction back for the next round.

Two, and this is the bigger, deeper problem here - is that regardless of which situation you find yourself in, you're unhappy one way or the other. You chase love because you're unhappy and then you push it away because you're not happy having got everything you wanted. You're not at ease in any situation really. This problem is purely internal and you are doing this to yourself. It is this that has been referred to by some wise guys as the root of suffering. This is an illness. If it was a situational issue, changing the situation should have solved it. When you've made all the changes and you / she is still not happy, it's high time to recognize you have a deeper problem -- with yourself.

Satiation is like the mid point between need and abundance. Problem and Solution #1 can help you stay managing the cycle of need <-> satisfying said need. But Problem #2 is about the deeper issue of not knowing abundance of life, and always living in a needy dependent state.

Real needs run in cycles or they're a one time thing. When needs are met, they become satisfied. One time needs don't come back. Suffering however, is a bottomless pit of neediness, no matter how much you try to fill it, it just gets worse. It's like the social media news feed.

You try to solve this suffering through any number of means. You think if you just find that one ideal thing missing in your life, it could be love or money or power or that perfect car or job or woman -- that will be happily ever after, and you are very disappointed and angry when you find that the thing you sought wasn't anything like what you believed it was, and even more disappointed when it did not solve the root of your misery.

Ever observed that over time Valentine's Day has become "Expectations Day to be loved" rather than a "Day for love"? That's what happens when highs become an expectation rather than a gift. I joke with my cousins' husbands that they're just dreading Valentine's Day, and they laugh. What went wrong?

The solution needs a bit of spirituality -- stop resisting this moment. Need is always looking to the future for fulfillment. Your dysfunctional patterns with a proven history of failure are stuck in the memory of the past. Abundance however is only in this moment. Your mind is never here, it's always looking for the grass on the other side. That will help you achieve your goals and chase your dreams, but it will lock into a pattern of perpetual seeking if it becomes an addiction and you forget that life is only ever happening here and now. You will never find fulfillment you seek in the end, because abundance doesn't come from outside, it's actually generated from within.

Your addiction to pleasure is not a journey to happiness - it is a journey of misery trying to numb itself, unable to face the truth of itself or life. That's why those who fill their lives up with every pleasure the world can offer turn out to be the most broken and depressed, messed up individuals you can find. Binge on YT and netflix for hours together, and you wonder why you feel so depressed at the end of the day. If you look too far into the future for your salvation, you'll only see death, not life, because life is now. All those people around you who're pursuing the dream of happiness? Nah, they're really just running away from their own suffering.

The secret of lasting happiness is this - you will never find as long as you seek. Unhappy people seek happiness, and the more you try to seek it, the more you convince yourself that you are unhappy, and the unhappier you become. Lasting happiness doesn't exist until you are free from this incessant need to be happy, caused by the root of your own suffering. Pleasure and pain are two sides of the same coin. Of late your quest for happiness has become so bad, you can't even focus on a task for a few minutes because your brain's too addicted to dopamine. You must become free from the grip of happiness itself to find abundance and fulfillment.

Actually it can't even be called happiness, it is abundance beyond happiness, or freedom. Freedom from the whole pleasure-pain trap. Happiness is just a wave on the surface of the water comparison, it throws you up to a high, and then you crash back down to a low / baseline. That forever comes and goes, no point in getting upset over it and trying to hang on to a high - that is futile - don't resist its flow. Lasting abundance comes from the depth of the ocean, which is ever there regardless of what waves are doing on the surface. When you're ok with this fact, you start experiencing freedom to create the life you've wanted, because now you're no longer afraid of discomfort or growth, or the waves of life, or facing the truth. That's freedom.

That inner freedom / abundance is what deep down you really want, and it is that which frees you of your chronic inner neediness and suffering. Every other thing in this universe you can chase and pursue, but this one thing you can't pursue, because it's already here and now. The more you chase it, the more you'll lose it, and the more your life gets fucked up.

It took me 12 damned years of breaking my head over the happiness problem - whether I'll find happiness or not, or whether this will make me happy or not in the future, to why people were still unhappy despite having it all, to why I was becoming increasingly unhappier and depressed, to finally realize my mistake. A simple, but dreadful mistake -- my frame was a fucked up one. My idea of happiness was fundamentally fucked up.

You cannot really pursue true happiness or abundance. You can only express it and bring it into your life. The more you pursue it, the less you will find. Every other thing - goals, achievements, things, people - can be pursued in this universe, but this can't. Abundance can only be brought in. That's the secret.

If you ever in your life want to know the nature of abundant love, you'll have to stop trying to escape this moment. So long as the root of suffering exists, you'll keep sabotaging your life by any number of means. Your "unhappy me" wants to live just like everything else, and it will keep doing anything to fuck up its life so it can feel the pleasure of unfucking itself up. It's a disorder - where you want to make yourself sick because you are wondering if the medicine still works and because the process of getting well is more important than actually staying naturally healthy.

What that unhappy me doesn't realize (or doesn't want to face) is that it itself is the root cause of the problem that doesn't let it stay happy for long in any situation. Pretty much everything you do in this state is driven only by suffering. There's no abundance in the suffering condition. What you normally call as love is just the sweetest most acceptable form of psychopathy. Almost everything you do, every distracted moment, every unhappy thought, every dissatisfied emotion, every attempt at trying to escape the misery in this moment with drugs or alcohol or games or sex or suicide, all originates from a chronic malaise to escape the moment of experience (this moment) and then try to recapture your lost abundance chasing it elsewhere, but not where it really is - here.

This behavior is not unlike a black hole - no matter how much you throw at it, it doesn't seem to go away, but only get bigger. And it's not going to go away till you realize what you're really doing. You have to have the balls to face this, that it is indeed your fault and responsibility to face this and deal with this. If every thing is always a problem, then perhaps you are the problem.

Why does your unhappy self resist this moment so much? Because it knows the solution to suffering will finish the ego. So it will do anything to keep up the drama of being unhappy and then seeking the next solution, the next high, the next lover, the next big thing. Deep down, unhappy me, subconsciously knows that it is the problem, and when it becomes too unhappy it tries to take itself out by trying to kill itself in many ways on the outside - suicide, addictions, depression, violence, abusive relationships, you name it. But those are not solutions. The real solution is mindful awareness of unhappy me itself, knowing that it is there and observing it in this moment, catching it as it arises -- that will take the air out of it, deflate and dissolve it.

Well, so if women are never happy no matter what, maybe they should look inside for the answer... in the meantime, you better too. After all, regardless of whose fault it is, it's going to fall on your head, and only you are responsible for your life and salvation.

Ok, if you don't like the word spirituality, at least learn the word discipline. If love could be seen as food, virtually every other person you meet is either starving like a famine victim or has some kind of eating disorder, and has absolutely no consistency or discipline maintaining even their mealtimes, let alone their calorific balance. Healthy eating with a bit of discipline isn't as hard as it seems, in a matter of time your mind and body will get used to it as the benefits begin to show. The brain is very flexible and can indeed be trained consciously. You gotta to be fine both bulking and cutting if you want to stay lean and build muscle. And now you need a similar approach with love -- it's high time to go on a healthy love diet. At least do this much.

So putting both together, You'll have to train yourself to be ok both in the chase and the peace afterward. Regardless of weather you're chasing your dreams or just being content, if you can be at ease with yourself, then whatever happens, you can use it to your advantage rather than suffering every single thing that happens to you and making others suffer around you as well. You'll have to know when to play and when to stop and be happy in both. Most are usually one or the other. This is far more challenging than it looks - most people's biggest problem is that they will seldom acknowledge that much of their suffering today is what they're doing this to themselves. Very few people solve this, reconciling two seemingly opposing forces and getting them to dance together. You've got to fulfill your needy side but also allow your abundant side to flow in to your life.

You've gotta learn to be at ease in both - if you succeed, you're free. You can do whatever you want. The root of suffering is finished. Now what happens is driven not because you're always unhappy, but by awareness and abundance seeking to express its potential. You've become closer to a white hole now. Your needs are actually needs now - they're not a bottomless pit that can never be filled - there's a difference between the two. Your energy is abundant and infectious in a good way and inspires others too. The real reason for your suffering is that the abundant and capable life that is you has never found expression. You have been trying to fill a needy you up with pleasures to numb the pain, and it just made it worse, because at the end of the day, your life was suppressed and just became even unhappier.

An aware life will actually bring you a lot more abundance and life than the needy guy who operates from a point of origin of pain and suffering. That's the ultimate challenge you'll ever face in your life. Very few people ever reached this kind of mastery where they live this way.

You cannot remain "high" forever. And you shouldn't. In fact once you realize life goes in waves and cycles, it's actually best to run them optimally as they were meant to be. But you can always be present, and once you look closely at it, you'll see you're always present, it's only the mind that always wants an escape. Then the highs become gifts you are grateful for, not expectations that ultimately disappoint you, and the lows become moments to bring in abundance. Life goes from running entirely on reactive mode to a more proactive and responsible mode. You go from being victim to channeling your inner creator. That is freedom, freedom from the very need to escape to freedom.

The utopia of your bluepilled dreams does not exist. And that's actually a good thing to know. It sets you free.

So here's a powerful exercise for your mind and self. Identify a few things that give you that rush of happiness and dopamine, that always keep distracting you or making you addicted and deliberately avoid them for sometime. Don't resist the reality of being free of them. Just spend sometime away and witness all the garbage inside your mind rise to the surface. If this happens, sit down and be fully present and aware of the one who's mind is bothering them, you, the living life in you. Your mind will trouble you for a while, but then it will begin to settle down. It might feel like dying for a while, the burden of time that you were trying to kill might start to hurt you hard, but stay present - in times of suffering, your mind narrows down and naturally comes back to this moment as this is the only place where there's really no stress. But that's the whole point -- you have to come to ease with yourself. Then you may go back to doing those things -- but always remember to withdraw and withdraw completely - don't just do it half way, go all the way. Push and pull.

You might initially feel strangely empty not filling up that void inside yourself, or having a lot of time that you can't kill somehow, but don't do it. Soon you'll realize it isn't emptiness but freedom, like a load of compulsion lifted off your mind. That freedom contains way more possibilities for you to create your life as you should have. Once you start coming to ease being present, the dreaded burden of time will start coming down a lot - this is a sign that suffering or the unhappy me is losing its grip at last. The need to kill time by any means begins to vanish when you find the one timeless thing there is. Time is no longer stressful or restless - it is now an opportunity.

Sometime after knowing this, you may find a new original idea, a fresh inspiration, or you might just go back to your usual life, but that peace of being unburdened will now come into whatever you're doing.

This will strengthen your inner muscle of mindfulness to be present with whatever situation that presents itself, and stop resisting what is needed for your growth. You have to be at ease with the fact that everything is a wave and everything comes in cycles and everything comes and goes. When you're fully present here, you don't hang on or resist the facts of life. Remove the friction and life feels lubricated. In time you will find you can be inspired to do things you never imagined you could do. You will stop being "never happy", by being free of this incessant quest for happiness itself. Then you can just surf the waves of life. If a high comes, enjoy it. It it goes, you come back to normal, be grateful and be at peace. Nothing is forever, but you now accept it for what it is and realize it's indeed for the best. Inner peace and living presence will always be there no matter what you're surfing - that alone is ever.

The next step is important. Once you feel this, stay in it for a while, and then when you have to get going, actively bring some of that mindful presence / peace / abundance / awareness (whatever you call it) into your every activity. Bring this awareness in whenever unhappy me raises its head, when the voice in your head talks too loudly, when you're feeling both high and low. Your pain will soon start losing its grip. Soon even simple things will become surprisingly fulfilling once this incessant need to find happiness comes down. Bring it in, intensely.

It even changes the way you want and desire. The "If only I have that one thing, I'll be happily ever after" - the victim's script goes down. Now you will find yourselves desiring to do something or get something directly (a simple "I want this"), or you may find yourselves driven to address something needed, and above all, now you're willing to embrace pain and discomfort if need be. You own the consequences of your desires. You desire more like a great achiever and less like a needy guy.

What we've done in society is we've given ourselves too much freedom without the consciousness to handle so much freedom safely. Our biology simply can't keep up with our pace of evolution. We've made ourselves too comfy, too technologically advanced, eliminated outside suffering, kept nature far away (or so we think, Coronavirus has made us think again), but our instincts work like they're still in the wild, and unhappy me is big as ever. We've given children loaded guns. The way we are right now, we are way too needy still, and therefore we're compulsively and indiscriminately creating push pull cycles subconsciously without any thought for the consequences. Until we evolve consciously, and learn how to handle ourselves in the good times sensibly, we'll always be unhappy and make our lives a mess no matter what happens. It's time to bring in a better consciousness.

So to sum it up - life and love works in cycles. In love matters, separation creates the attractive pull that leads to union, but sooner or later union is going to create a new push, leading to another round of separation and the start of another cycle. If you are not alert, that next cycle might not even happen with you. Part of why that happens is due to the cyclic nature of our physical instincts and needs, but beyond that, the deeper reasons for perpetually "not happy" is due to a perpetual unease and unhappiness with this moment, that just guarantees you'll suffer in any scenario. The first one can be solved with a proper dose of dread and separation, the second one is a disease that runs deep and is never going to be solved from the outside. If you are not really happy in any situation, the problem is you alone. That will only go away when your unhappy me that forever struggles against this moment is gone.

What you call "abundance" I would call "acceptance". It seems like a more accurate label, since "acceptance" allows you to be at peace both in moments of striving-for-more and dissatisfaction-from-having-it-all, while still being able to participate in the game and not completely giving up - after all, even the most ardent monks cannot escape biology. And completely giving up because you've found "abundance" is giving into yet another utopia fantasy.

Yes acceptance is sort of like the first most important step. But the trick to that is honest acceptance, which means reconciling to the truth of life. Abundance comes a little further down the road once you've realized you already have the "deep" fulfilling happiness you seek and the happiness of pleasure comes and goes like waves. Once the expectation that you should be high all the time goes away after some struggle , you feel relieved even, and that's when you realize you were in fact driven by pain the whole time.

Once you are free of this even a couple of steps, you can give some room to bring in what you're really capable of adding. That is the point of abundance. Of course so long as you live you'll have needs, but you won't be in a bottomless pit of neediness now.

Every time your relationship changes from one stage to another on the hierarchy ladder, the old cycle of push-pull attraction changes or is broken. Marriage is the worst offender here, but it can apply to all levels. Before an LTR or marriage dating came with a natural push and pull cycle, but afterward you end up spending most of your time sharing space and time which can kill the old cycle. Without starting off a new intimacy cycle and getting into a new rhythm, attraction can very quickly plummet in the next stage of a relationship. A similar thing can happen in long running marriages after retirement. The work-home division itself created a cycle of its own that most people don't pay attention to and when it goes, it can come with a lot of issues.

When OP was talking about happiness being a wave I was immediately taken back to a quote my grandfather shared with me. I asked him what the meaning of life was. After a few months he sent me a voicemail. "Prepare for the flow of life and flow along with it." He's 91. I wish it would have clicked then but it definitely clicked now. Unhappy me has been the driver all along, I just wasn't expressing this idea correctly when I thought about it. I kept thinking it was somebody or someone else controlling me but it's always been me. Just the unhappy one.