#but love from a person that knows your purest self without the pressures of life and whom you trust without question

[rottenstrawberrigirl]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! (No pressure tho)

I didn't have only five answers because I loved thinking about the things that make me happy and happy in a way. I wrote down everything that came to my mind at that moment:

Of course, my husband, Fyodor—😶

To fully understand someone and to be fully understood. It's basically written in my description. Being seen by somebody can feel both frightening and happy at the same time. On the other hand, I enjoy delving into the depths of a person's inner self and their purest thoughts if they would let me. It would touch my heart if they trusted me enough to reveal themselves raw and unprocessed (hopefully, I used the right words). However, of course, nobody would be vulnerable just like that with anyone. It's not easy, and I get it. Still, I think I have this sort of effect on people that makes it possible. Perhaps they sense that I don't mean any harm. I want to help people, not change them in a way that I think is the right choice, but embrace them as the person they already are, acknowledge them, accept them, and love them, help them love what I see. ^^ But also, if they are willing to thrive, be their own authentic selves, and become the best version of themselves they could think of. I will and have helped them achieve that, truthfully and without judgment. The bond I have with those people is always unbreakable. But the problem is that I can't do that for everyone because it takes a massive amount of energy to feel someone, see someone through their eyes. I'm already constantly absorbing the energy of so many things on a daily basis that I almost don't have any left for me. I can say that I have a somewhat different way of dealing with my own issues. So, if this happens and I don't have any energy left to help myself, I can go into a mental downfall, and I may isolate myself from others for a while so that I can recover. I would have appreciated having a special friend, a partner, by my side, with whom I could heal near quickly.

Innocent intimacy. Even though I am a quality-time, acts-of-service kind of girl, I am also big on physical touch (please consider me your teddy bear). It is only reserved for people I feel safe with, though.

Quiet, gentle love. Preferably romantic.

Nature. No explanation is needed; nature is the most beautiful thing. I'd rather struggle to survive in the wilderness than try to fit into societal standards. Seriously, I think we are all doomed and will end up bringing destruction to ourselves and everything else around us due to our selfish, greedy, consuming nature. Even if humans can be adorable sometimes, I'm sure the earth would feel better if we were not in it. We harm like we own it, even if some may deny it.

Art in every form you can imagine.

Concept of life and death. It's very interesting to me.

Sense of security and reassurance. I need to feel safe.

Night sky / Stargazing / Moongazing. I'm nocturnal.

Melancholy. That word is the very definition of I.

Emptiness. If you get it, you get it. Some days, you hate it; others, you find solace in it.

Sunset and sunrise, moonset, and moonrise.

Animals. All of them except for flies and roaches.

Sharks deserve their own special spot cuz they're the coolest for real.

Nice smells.

Shiny, fragile things.

Daydreaming, knowing I am the most delulu person in the room.

Elegance, gracefulness.

Nostalgia.

Positive attention. I was born to be coddled like a baby. 😞

My names. I do like them, but I guess they're not considered aesthetic. So I will stay as Berry.

Justice.

Colors.

A good night's sleep.

Tea. Herbal teas. We should really invent a word like "alcoholic" for tea enjoyers.

Delicious food. Please do not call me a picky eater. I simply know my taste. 😒

Praise. Praise me. I may not show it from outside, but there are actually tiny emotions hopping and dancing in my brain.

Fruits. I have not yet come across one I didn't like.

Purity, innocence (not in that way, tho😕).

Soft textures. Literal heaven.

Water, ocean. And no, it's not because I'm a Pisces.

People who feel.

Money. But I loathe the capitalistic dystopia we live in. I suppose it would be more accurate to say, “the freedom to be able to do, try, and experience what I desire without having to " earn" it,” instead of just replying with “money.”

Traveling, exposure to other cultures, and seeing their perceptions of what art means.

Chestnut ice cream. I would commit heinous crimes to be able to eat it every day. And I would marry you in a heartbeat, devote my whole life to you, worship you if you would keep just feeding me my chestnut ice cream for the rest of my chestnut life. 🥺

Very old houses, dresses, accessories, etc., but never the conditions people used to live in back then.

Writing letters. But I'm collecting them in a box.

Bittersweet tragedies.

Every sun person needs their moon person, but YOU’RE THE SUN. YOU’VE NEVER SEEN THE NIGHT, BUT YOU HEAR ITS SONG FROM THE MORNING BIRDS. WELL, I’M NOT THE MOON; I’M NOT EVEN A STAR, BUT AWAKE AT NIGHT, I’LL BE SINGING TO THE BIRDS.

Maybe I am just a bunch of Mitski lyrics glued together after all.

Honorable mentions:

Humans (Debatable).

[haitaniapologist]

THE BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT ( haitani rindou x reader )

╰┈➤ he's insufferable, but he's yours.

pairings — haitani rindou x fem!reader.

warnings — fluff fluff fluff. no other warnings. no proofread lmao

word count — 1.3k

notes — this is for @softbajis (bc it's her birthday!!!) so it's very self indulgent but for her. anyways i hope everyone will enjoy nonetheless. also hal knows how much i love her, but let me say this here again: i wouldn't mind being killed in the 13th century if that meant i'd be able to call you my best friend for all of our lives, haleema. happy birthday!

sometimes he couldn’t understand how he was so lucky. 

haitani rindou has helped his brother kill a guy when he was in the tender age of thirteen, helped him raise an empire while being a teenager, saw and even helped with the planning of disgraceful acts while being in tenjiku. he was sure no god would ever look at him with good eyes, never expecting good things to happen in his life — he didn’t deserve them. rindou was a monster in disguise, using a beautiful face to lure both men and women alike to their downfall. 

but when he met you, he wished he had been a little more good so he would be able to call you his. 

you used to be under shuji’s wing and that used to make his blood burn with nothing but pure and raw hatred, a feeling that rindou wasn’t supposed to feel as one of bonten’s executives. he was supposed to be calm, collected and to think before doing anything else — but he couldn’t help but to feel those irrational feelings whenever he saw you laughing too excitedly to any of hanma’s poor excuse of jokes. 

and the worst part was that he thought you weren’t interested in him, that hanma occupied your whole world and blinded you to any other person trying to reach you. but nobody was there to tell him otherwise, and it seemed as if his fellow executive didn’t want to share you with anyone else, so he swallowed his pride and accepted defeat in a battle he didn’t even enter. 

but despite his acceptance of defeat, he still had one soldier fighting: haitani ran would never accept seeing his little brother looking so crestfallen, as if he was a puppy and you had kicked him when he tried to approach. rindou never tried, actually, and that was the truth — he didn’t even try to do something, the voices in his head too loud and blinded him to see how your face would lighten up whenever his purple mullet appeared in the room, or how your eyes would always find his figure even thought you were laughing at one of shuji’s jokes.

ran didn’t raise rindou to be a coward. 

sharing his first conversation with you, ran discovered the depth of your feelings towards his younger brother and how you and shuji were only best friends. you both had gone through things nobody could think of, staying at each other’s side through thick and thin, and ran could now understand why you always felt so comfortable around hanma’s company and why you worked for him in such a dangerous organization. 

but the story of how you became rindou’s woman was embarrassing, at least to him, but endearing at the same time — he would never forget how you patched him up after a failed mission, or the glint of worry in your eyes when he winced and gasped when you put pressure on his gun’s injuries. he was supposed to be protecting you, being appointed by mikey as your “bodyguard” due to the death threats you were receiving from bonten’s enemies, and not making you worry. he felt like a little kid watching as how your eyes teared up, hands aching to hold your face and whisper how much it pained him to see the woman he loved crying for him. 

but he couldn’t. you had become his best friend in the weeks he spent protecting you, and he couldn’t ruin the purest thing he had in his life. every relationship he had was tainted with guns, drugs or meaningless accords, but not you — you and rindou had grown closer without any second intentions, just the raw need of having someone to make you laugh and forget about the world’s problems for a little while. and he couldn’t ruin that with useless feelings, feelings that would make him weak and prone to do reckless things just to see a smile on your face. 

“i love you.” you whispered when you were finished, body between his legs and hands resting on his shoulders. “stop hurting yourself, rin. if not for your well-being, then for mine.” 

too stunned to speak, he watched as you continued. “it doesn’t matter if you don’t feel the same, i doubt you ever will. but stop this ache on my chest whenever you are away, and promise me you’ll stay out of harm’s way.” you poured such vulnerable words as if they were nothing, and rindou felt drawn to them — he wasn’t used to being vulnerable, his own vulnerability repulsing him to the point of throwing up, but yours was beautiful. the way your eyes shone with tears glossing them, the way your words pierced his heart but at the same time healed the wounds. 

the words failed him but, before you could get away from his presence and probably ask mikey to change your bodyguard, he brought your body closer to his, lips ghosting your own — he was afraid to kiss you, afraid that the feeling of his lips on yours would make you wake up and noticed that, somehow, your feelings weren’t true and you were truly in love with hanma. but you only pressed them hard against his, and he could feel the taste of your strawberry chapstick and tears on your lips. 

from now on, you two became inseparable. and he couldn’t believe how lucky he was, how good life was being to him. whenever you smiled at him, or kissed him goodbye before he left for a mission, or said how handsome and how much you loved him during random times of the times, he was afraid it would be the last time and lady destiny was going to notice how good he was being to such a scarred man. 

however, you proved him wrong, staying at his side through everything, even though he was being stubborn and said hurtful things for you. but he tried to be better for you every day, tried to control his tongue and be a better human being — and he noticed how his influence changed you, too, making you more relaxed and ready to experience new things without the fear of being judged. you were already perfect without him, an angel in disguise, but he loved to see how bolder you became after dating him. 

there was nothing more arousing than to see you bite back whenever one of the guys tried to tease you. 

“what are you thinking, rin-rin?” you asked, head resting on his bare shoulder and fingers tracing with the most delicacy his bonten tattoo. you noticed how quiet he became while listening to the things you did with your friends for your birthday. you giggled when he playfully rolled his eyes at the silly nickname you gave him before you two were dating, nuzzling your face on his skin. 

“just how lucky i am.” he decided not to lie, as he wanted you to be sure how much he loved you. he wasn’t the best with words and actions, like ran was, and sometimes he was afraid that you didn’t know how important you were to him. “how lucky i am to have you in life.”

you giggled once more, and rindou knew your cheeks were red because of his words. “you’re the best birthday gift i ever had, you know it, right?” ran had joked that rindou should’ve put a ribbon on his hair and give himself as your birthday gift, instead of the brazilian amethyst nickname he gave you — something you were eyeing for some time now, and he bought it before you could say how beautiful he was before the second time. 

“i thought it was the necklace i gave you.” he joked and snorted when you playfully hit his chest and pouted. “you said it this morning!” 

“you’re insufferable.” you tried to turn around on his hold, but rindou held you even tighter, arms around your waist to keep exactly where you were. 

“but you love me for it.” 

“.... yes.”

[hyunsuks-beanie]

Sunghoon NSFW Alphabet

Mellow speaks: Everyone's favorite NSFW Alphabet is back, y'all!! I have five requests for this series as of now, and I'm here to deliver on that! Sunghoon is the first one of the lot, and I had so much fun writing this one like, this might as well become my fav one in the entire series hehe (until the Yeonjun one comes up at least xD). Hope you guys enjoy reading this, bc I thoroughly loved writing it. My inbox is open as always, and everyone is welcome!

Tagging: @freckledwinterfalls

A = Aftercare

(What they’re like after sex)

He'd be such a tease oh my goodness. The moment he comes down from his high, he'll start annoying the hell out of you, saying stuff like "You were honestly so tight for me" or "Your pretty voice must have woken the neighbors up." But he means well, and even while he's saying borderline lewd things, he will be taking amazing care of you, wiping you gently with a warm towel, careful not to apply too much pressure to places where he knows you're sore. Things go south pretty often, his lips which were supposed to place butterfly kisses to your lips and skin end up leaving open-mouthed ones as you think, "Here we go again."

B = Body part

(Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He's pretty much in love with his entire body (as he should be), but if he were to pick one part, it'd probably be his legs, which have been supporting him all his life, first as a figure skater and now as an idol. Even with you, he loves how they give him the strength and balance he needs to show you a good time without going weak too soon. As for you, there's just something about your face that gets him going, your beautiful lips and pretty cheeks being his favorite targets for both, gentle kisses and quick slaps mid-sex. The way your features contort into pure pleasure when you're doing it just fills him with pride, knowing he's the one who's showing you heaven.

C = Cum

(Anything to do with cum basically)

Sunghoon often tends to fall asleep on top of you after having sex at night, his cock buried deep inside your vagina, especially after an somnophiliac episode. And so, it just fills him up with lust yet again when he watches his seed, mixed with your fluids, seeping out of your hole when he finally pulls away after hours. You look way too gorgeous to handle in that instant, and more often than not, it leads to to fresh new round.

D = Dirty Secret

(Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Sunghoon seems like the type to be really big on somnophilia, but he'll never tell you just what he feels whenever he catches you asleep. The way his mind quickly fills up with nothing but images of you writhing under him, looking like an angel wearing his clothes, your eyes blown out and half-lidded at the same time, sleep and arousal at constant odds with each other. You look like the purest person on earth to him at that moment, and he can do nothing but ruin you, absolutely ruin you.

E = Experience

(How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He can be quite cocky inside the bedroom, but in reality, he's still quite nervous in his mind, knowing that he's not the best when it comes to being experienced. Sure, he's a fast-learner, but that doesn't mean he's not scared of not meeting your expectations. But little does he know that he's amazing at whatever he does, and when he decides to pleasure you, he only stops when all thoughts in your emind escape, only his name remaining.

F = Favourite Position

(This goes without saying)

Missionary, because he loves to watch the way his length moves in and out of you, and the way your boobs jiggle as you bounce your hips against his. Gives him even more chances to tease the shit out of you, his eyes trained on your face as he raptly studies the way your expressions change every so often.

G = Goofy

(Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He's quite intent on pleasuring you and himself, and so, goofing around inside the bedroom is much less common than him downright teasing you, degrading you at every chance he gets. But the smirk that's plastered on his face as the words slip past his lips is more than enough to have you rolling your eyes till they're stuck to the back of your skull, your own lips curved into a smile as you come with retorts every so often.

I = Intimacy

(How are they during the moment, romantic aspect-)

Despite being a tease and borderline asshole half the time, Sunghoon does know how to turn the mood of the room romantic in an instant, that pretty mouth of his spewing sweet compliments and confessions of love when he's not degrading the life out of you. But even his teasing is a way of showing his love for you, and you know it, well-aware of the fact that he's teasing you because he feels comfortable around you.

J = Jack Off

(Masturbation headcanon)

Sunghoon isn't particularly big on masturbating, your face and expressions being half the reason he hits his climax in the first place. Sure, he might agree to guided masturbation (with you on FaceTime, no less) every once in a while, but he usually sees jacking off as a hassle and would rather wait for you to help him. Even when you're sound asleep, he'd rather pound into you and wake you up than touch himself to the sight of your sleeping form. One thing he is quite keen on, though, is having you touch yourself in front of him while he does the same.

K= Kink

(One or more of their kinks)

Sunghoon really seems to be into somnophilia, and I think he would propose the same quite early on into your relationship. Even if don't consent, I see him as being turned on at the sight of you sleeping, but if you do, be prepared to be woken up super rudely to the best pleasure you could feel, at least once a week. There's nothing he loves more than to fuck your bleary-eyed, semi-asleep self into oblivion. Another kink I see him as having is definitely a degradation kink, perhaps with a hint of dumbification. He just loves calling you out for being weak for him, even though he finds it equal parts adorable and arousing. Expect him to call you all sorts of lewd names, his hand choking your neck as you enjoys your expressions.

L = Location

(Favourite places to do the do) The practice room is definitely one of his favorites, he just loves the way your reflections make you look even more fucked out than you already are, and the way the screens get all fogged up thanks to your steamy session. If you take interest in going ice-skating with him every once in a while, then soon enough, he would also take to banking you inside the locker room or perhaps even on the bleachers, booking the place just for the two of you, so that he can have sex with you without any interruptions.

M = Motivation

(What turns them on, gets them going)

As I said before, what really gets Sunghoon going is watching you sleep, your small and innocent form as you wear his clothes. The sight is capable of getting him hard in record time, and he wouldn't have it any other way. Another thing that turns him on is when you talk back to him, especially when he's angry/frustrated. He loves seeing the fire in you, though he would never admit to it, pretending to be pissed off to mask how horny he is.

N = NO

(Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

I feel like Sunghoon wouldn't be into bondage. Like, he definitely won't allow you to tie him up, wanting to always be the dominant one inside the bedroom. But obviously, if it's about tying you up, then he's gonna be all game for it.

O = Oral

(Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He'll be the biggest tease whenever he's eating you out, speeding up when he has you teetering on the edge and pulling away only to leave you hanging, a smirk on his face. He is capable of making you cum multiple times, and edge you for hours at the same time. True devil, I swear. When he's on the receiving end though, he enjoys pulling on your hair and degrading you even though he's the vulnerable one. He loves it when you deepthroat him, thrusting his dick into your mouth until he's balls deep or until you gag. He just thrives on the sight of you so fucked out for him.

P = Pace

(Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

The pace depends on how much he wants to tease you. If he's in a jolly mood, expect him to go slow, teasing and edging the hell out of you but also throwing in a couple of sweet words that make you putty in his hands. On the other hand, if he's pissed off or if you're getting on his nerves, good luck to you because he's going to be relentless, not stopping until you're crying and begging.

Q = Quickie

(Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

As I said, he's usually into slower and longer sessions, wanting to overstimulate and draw you out for as long as your body can hold. Quickies are a thing only when you're really getting on his nerves or when he quickly needs to get a release and show you who the dom is, typically resulting in him dragging you to the closest equipment room/practice room.

R = Risk

(Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

As long as you're the one being experimented on, he's game for pretty much everything unless something comes across as blatantly weird/gross to him (fluid play and stuff like that, methinks). But other than that, he's down to try all sorts of things with you, from food play to somnophilia (duh), or from costume play to borderline (or full-fledged) BDSM.

S = Stamina

(How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Sunghoon can go on teasing you for hours on end, but that's usually when he makes use of his fingers or his mouth. When he's actually using his member though, he can still go for at least two rounds, or can draw you out for much longer, pulling out just before you reach your release. He surprisingly has amazing control, refusing to let go till he has you whimpering under him.

U = Unfair

(how much they like to tease)

The most unfair person you'll ever find, periodt. He literally thrives off you being an absolute mess for him, and he won't rest until he's satisfied with the amount of times he has made you beg for him. He will edge you at first, making you feel like you'll never reach your release. And then, it's all overstimulation, your body being sore from the sheer number of climaxes you have experienced. And obviously, there's also the lewd and downright vulgar pet names that are reserved only for you.

V = Volume

(How loud they are, what sounds they make)

A majority of the time, the sounrw he makes are actually the constant words of teasing that he subjects you to, mixed with a couple moans and groans of your name, especially when you give him head or when he enters you at last, his thick girth making often making him tell you just how tight you are for him.

X = X-Ray

(Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)

This man exudes big dick energy, and I refuse to believe that he's small in any way. He's definitely big if not huge, and being the gentleman he is, I see him as keeping himself quite well-groomed too. He for sure won't disappoint, and his length is going to leave you sore the next day.

Y = Yearning

(How high is their sex drive?)

Sunghoon is always horny as long as things are about you. There isn't a moment where he doesn't want to pounce on you, and the smallest of nods from you are all he needs to drag you to the bedroom (or any room that's close by) for some fun. He's always eyeing you, a smirk on his face and a dirty comment ready at his disposal.

Z = Zzz

(How quickly they fall asleep after) Sunghoon likes to stay awake for at least a little while after you're done, wanting to show you some love (interspersed with lots of teasing yet again) while he lies on top of you, his dick still inside your hole. He usually falls asleep after you, a soft "I love you" escaping his lips as he peppers you sleeping face with kisses, before giving in to sleep himself.

[the-cult-of-russo]

gotta know how u think billy would be as a dad with his kids :D

I had so many requests for Dad!Billy headcanons 😭

I hope you're ready for this chaotic ramble.

Please remember this is my Billy I'm writing

-

You know those parents who take like a million pictures of their kid and show them to everyone? The kind that talks about their kid nonstop to anyone who'll listen? Their family, friends, the poor random old lady at the store that just wants to buy some damn milk.

That's Billy.

He's such an unbelievably proud parent, his pride for his kids knows no bounds. It doesn't even need to be some kind of milestone worth celebrating, everything his kid does makes him proud. You better believe when his baby has an explosive crap and ruins their clothes, he's boasting about it the next day to Frank and the guys at Anvil.

-

He's incredibly protective. Murder is a possibility if his kids in danger. He wants nothing more than to keep his kids safe. If they're being bullied, it takes all of his willpower to stop himself from kicking the kids ass for doing that to his kid. He's not above picking a fight with the bullies dad though if they don't get their little shit head in check and also making it known to the principle that this shit won't fly with him.

~

"Mr Russo, I don't think you understand how serious this is. Your son broke a kids nose," the principle mutters with a glare.

Billy tilts his head, regarding the teacher with those unsettling eyes that has the old man squirming in his seat.

"You’re damn right he did," Billy replies seriously, a proud tone to his voice. His dark eyes cut to his left where his son is, practically his double. As Billy smirks, unable to help himself, his son wears the same one although he's lowering his head to hide his amusement.

"We don't tolerate that behaviour here, Mr Russo," the principle huffs. Billy's eyes harden then as his eyes narrow, sitting forward in his chair just the right amount to be imposing. The second the man leans back he knows it worked.

"You know what I don't tolerate? My kid bein' bullied. You assholes won't do shit to stop it, so I say let the little fucker get a taste of his own medicine. Serves him right for messin' with a Russo," he smirks wickedly.

~

He teaches them self defence, wanting them to be able to look after themselves if it ever came down to it. Naturally, for their 16th birthday, they're gifted with a big ass knife.

-

Billy as a dad is so stupidly soft.

We all remember the scene from the show, right? Where he's in the hospital with his mom and he says;

"Maybe you did me a solid, you know? I mean, the way I see it, you want weak kids, give 'em everything. But if you... if you want 'em strong... treat 'em hard."

When he has a kid of his own he realises just what utter garbage this is. The idea of all the shit he's been through making him into the tough son of a bitch he is today is born from trauma that he still hasn't dealt with. The way his brain tries to rationalise what he went though. To make it make sense instead of it being so goddamn senseless.

But if he's honest, more than he'd like to admit, he finds himself wondering just what his life would have been like if he grew up in a loving home. What it would be like to feel wanted and cared for. To rise to the top being helped and cheered on by others instead of clawing his way there with bloodied and dirty fingers, the weight of the world bearing down on him as he's beat down at every turn.

He never wants his kids to feel that way. Not even a fraction of how unloved and unwanted he felt. He does everything in his power to make sure they know just how much he cares about them. There's literally nothing he wouldn't do for his kids. They could turn up at home one day and confess to a murder and Billy wouldn't hesitate to ask where the body is so he can handle it for them.

-

Billy is ridiculously sentimental when it comes to his kids. Drawings go up on the fridge and when a new one takes its place, the old one goes into a box of many others that he can't seem to ever throw away. He has multiple pictures of his kids at his office, even some framed cute drawings they did for him. He's kept all the mementos from the pregnancy, birth and onwards. They're his little treasures.

-

Billy is super supportive of everything his kids do. He makes sure they get a good education but he never pushes them to do something they don't want to do. Despite the large college fund he's got for them, if they choose not to go to college, he doesn't pressure them. Instead, whatever hopes and dreams they have, he does everything in his power to support and help them. Whether that's moral and emotional support, money or even breaking a few jaws of people standing in their way.

-

Let's look a little bit at how he is throughout some of the ages of his kid.

Billy with a baby is a sight to behold. No one has ever seen Lieutenant William Russo so goddamn soft. Once he's got hold of his baby, you've got no chance of getting them back off him. You'd have to fight him. He adores holding his little one close, soaking them in. He's constantly holding them no matter what he's doing and baby carriers and wraps are a godsend to him. You'd heard about them from a friend and told Billy and you better believe by the time the baby's born that he's an expert on all things baby wearing. He's a perfectionist and carrying a baby wrong can be dangerous. He makes sure he knows how to do it right.

Just as he has little affectionate touches for you, he has the same for his baby. His large hand stroking their tiny head and little hair. His finger stroking their chubby little cheek. He's a tactile person and touch is grounding for him. It soothes him to do so with his baby and reassures him they're really there and that they're okay.

He's super attentive. Of course he works a lot but as soon as he becomes a dad, he doesn't stay late anymore and makes sure to have days off. The second he comes home, he's making a beeline for his baby, scooping them up with a grin. He loves to read to them, something that continues as they grow up. His weekends used to be restful or if he was feeling like a masochist, he'd work from home. But now weekends are his time to shine. By the time you wake up on a Saturday morning, he's already up with the baby, making you breakfast as he's got the baby attached to him via baby carrier.

As his baby grows into a toddler, each milestone makes him tearful and full of pride. He kisses any booboos that happen and he's constantly playing with his child. He has a pretty silly side to him that most don't get to see. Making his kid laugh and smile brings him the greatest joy.

He loves taking his toddler to the office with him. Everyone dotes on his kid and treats them like royalty.

When they turn into a small child, he watches with a proud smile and amusement as his kid wants to fight with his men, watching them 'beat' the shit out of them. The guys at Anvil are more than happy to very dramatically go down, and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when the tiny Russo grins smugly at their 'win'.

Their first day at school and Billy's a mess. It's such a turning point and he doesn't know how to deal with how fast their growing up. But every achievement at school, even minor ones, and he's showering them with praise.

He encourages them to work hard and as soft as he might be, he is still the boss. He makes sure they do their homework and don't fall behind on their studies.

One thing Billy loves is teaching his kids stuff. Whether that's mundane stuff to help with school or teaching them shit he knows like survivalist things, because you can never be too prepared, right? He loves helping them with school projects and answering any questions they might have about one of the many things he's knowledgeable about.

When his kids moves onto those hard teenage years, the ones where everything feels so dramatic and world ending, he's a little tougher when it calls for it. Billy is no novice to rebellion, he has a rebellious streak of his own and marches to the beat of his own drum half the time. He respects that. What he doesn't respect or tolerate is behaviour that's going to fuck his kid over in the long run or self sabotage. He will be firm and a hard ass if he needs to be to keep his kids on a path where they don't get hurt or ruin their life.

Billy has a zero tolerance policy on drugs. After the shit with his mother, he won't budge on this. If he finds out his kid is dabbling in drugs, they're grounded until they're old enough to move out.

-

No matter what age his kids are, Billy loves them immensely. He wants to be the father he wished he'd had growing up and he pours all of his anguish and pain from his upbringing into it. Channeling it into the purest form of love for his kids. To break the curse that had hold of him. He won't perpetuate the cycle.

Being a father brings him a sense of completeness and peace he didn't think was possible for him to achieve. It fills the void that's been eating away at his soul from his lack of love as a child and he loves every second of being a parent. Even the hard moments.

-

Bonus:

The Russo's and the Castle's go on monthly camping trips together. Billy loves the outdoors, the mild survivalist feelings he gets from it without the real danger. He loves taking his kids there, teaching them everything. In his role as dad and uncle, he sits around the camp fire at night, the light of the flames dancing along his face as he very theatrically tells the kids a spooky story.

You and his kids are his immediate family but the Castle's are his family too. So he really loves it when you all get to spend time together like that.

[starrygalaxy04]

Songs That Remind Them of You (MLQC Headcannons)

Victor

Don't Go Breaking My Heart (Elton John)- Victor is a sucker for romantic-style music, and this song is no exception. He can't help but imagine dueting this song with you whenever it plays softly in the background while he's making your favorite caramel pudding.

Adore You (Harry Styles)- He would never admit it, but this man just wants to shower you in affection. His favorite moments are when he gets to hold you in his arms and he can just gaze at you with the insane amount of joy, admiration, love, and unfiltered affection that only you get to see. He's been searching for you for a very long time, and he's going to cherish every second of being with you.

Still the One (One Direction)- He would never admit he ever listens to this song because like hell is anyone going to find out that he listens to boy bands, but this song's lyrics strike all the right chords with him. He loves the message it sends because its the very message he will always reiterate to you when you feel like you're not enough or he could do better. Its you, its always been you.

Lucien

Dark Side (Kelly Clarkson)- This man has a hard time knowing that you love him and are blissfully unaware of the monster that lurks just below the surface. He often finds himself wondering if you would still love him if he were just Ares, or if you would leave after you found out all of the things he had done for the sake of progress. But every time you wrap your arms around him or smile at him, all those worries melt away because he feels true emotion when he looks at you.

Its Gonna Be Me (NSYNC)- He knows that anyone in this world can have you, and it would kill him if you chose anyone else besides him. So he wants to make absolutely sure that he will never even have to think about letting his beautiful butterfly go. He is forever yours, and you will be forever his, even if it takes an eternity for that to happen.

Line Without A Hook (Ricky Montgomery)- This song mainly applies after Lucien no longer remembers MC, because I feel like it accurately describes how he feels. He knows MC doesn't trust him and is purposefully being distant, but at the same time the feelings that the other him felt are slowly trickling in and before long he's wishing that he could fix whatever it was that was tearing MC up so bad inside. And he knows that as he is, he's no good for you. But that doesn't mean that he isn't going to ignore the voice of reason in his head like the other him did and try his hardest to be what he once was for you.

Kiro

Fight For This Love (Cheryl)- Kiro knows that with him being a huge pop idol that sometimes the pressure gets to you. And he wants you to know he is always there and will be there next to you to fight through the thick and thin. He always wants to be with his favorite person ever, and will do whatever it takes to make sure that you're okay and he can be there to experience everything life has to offer with you, and to assure you that you are worth it.

100% Pure Love (Crystal Waters)- True to the name of the song, everything that Kiro feels (well almost everything, if you get what I mean) comes from the purest parts of him. He always wants you to be the happiest you can, always making sure that you have a bright smile on your face. And he knows what you two have is something people could only dream of, and having you in his arms is the best thing that ever happened since he met you again at that convenience store.

Price Tag (Jessie J)- He knows that when you two are together, nothing else matters. He knows you're not with him just because he's Kiro the superstar, but because he's Kiro. The bubbly 22 year-old who has an affinity for sweets and puppies with an adventurous streak. And he knows that if you two are next to each other, you wouldn't need anything else to have a good time.

Gavin

Treasure (Bruno Mars)- Honey, you are the center of this man's universe. He had treasured you since the first day he laid eyes on you, and wanted nothing more than to be by your side. And now that he is, he is over the moon. He may not be able to shower you in lavish gifts like some of the others, but every single moment you two spend together more than makes up from it, whether its a picnic under the stars or a midnight flight.

What A Man Gotta Do (The Jonas Brothers)- This brings back some of his older memories, back from the high school days. He was so shy when it came to you, and he never even knew how to approach you the majority of the time. So he always watched from the distance, wondering what he could do to get you to notice him. The song allows him to reflect on those cringey memories with a smile, and let him enjoy the fact that you were his, even after all that had happened.

Loving You Tonight (Andrew Allen)- This man can't wait to come home and just lay in your arms, or have you lay in his arms. His favorite moments are the ones of pure domesticity, things he never saw between his mother and father when he was younger. It feels so pure and freeing, and just so right. He loves every moment of it, and wouldn't have it any other way.

Helios

Popular Monster (Falling in Reverse)- While Helios is indeed a person, Helios is somewhat of a character that Kiro is playing. Its the side of him that he can't show to the world. He has killed people to protect others, to protect you, and in that way, he's exactly as the title reads, a popular monster.

Therefore I Am (Billie Eilish)- As Helios, he knows that everything relies on technique and execution, so he has completely shut out emotional functions for the most part, except when he's around you. But because Kiro is such a good actor, its very hard to tell. He knows that he's that bitch, and is not afraid to prove it, being blunt about literally everything. But he also knows that you have the perseverance of a God, to the point that its stupid, but as you build the confidence that comes with the identity of your Evol, he sees you growing in a way that he could have never taught you as Kiro.

Cigarette Duet (Princess Chelsea)- Helios knows that he can't associate with you as much as when he was Kiro because Black Swan is a bitch, but one thing he always wants to make sure is that you haven't fallen down and devolved into bad habits. The one thing that didn't leave Helios was his ability to care specifically about you, and even thinking that you would get into a habit that would harm yourself makes his blood boil. So he always makes sure you've remained drug-free and that you see him just enough that it won't get him in trouble and can give you comfort.

Shaw

No Roots (Alice Merton)- Shaw's idea of you is something much like how Victor saw you in the beginning. Someone who thrust themselves into something way over their head and now had to deal with the consequences of it. The only reason he believed you was because he knew of things (the man has his ways) and decided to help you because he found you just interesting enough that he thought it might be fun. But he found himself envying the fact that you didn't have a past in this world, and that you were free to do whatever you pleased without a reputation preceding you. He didn't like the fact that it caused you pain, but thanks to his asshole of a father the idea sounded a little too good to him.

Sad Girl (Lana Del Rey)- Shaw often found you moping around at first, mourning the fact that you had lost everything. But in the end, he was the one who helped you get over it, getting you back to your normal self. He still catches glimpses of that depressed look in your eyes, and always makes sure to lighten up on the teasing when he does see it. He never got the chance to be a kid and grow up properly, so he couldn't fathom exactly how hard it was for you. But he still tried.

White Tee (CORPSE)- We all know Shaw would be more into the punk style, and his music taste is no exception. He likes listening to mostly emo style music, and dabbles into a little bit of everything when he feels like it. However, this song mixes together his anger at the world for giving him such a shit childhood and the fact that with you he feels like he can start fresh. Because even though everyone else falls into the same category with him, you were different, and he wanted to explore that kind of different.

[meimae]

8/23/21

Finished reading 白昼夢の青写真 on 8/22! This is my 4th completed VN so far and something that I've been eyeing for little while. Honestly, I saw a screenshot of one the sprites and thought the art was really good so I was pretty much sold from there.

Normally, I wouldn't pick something tagged as NSFW, and I ended up skipping all of them because there's a lot of filler text iykwim. Kinda goes against my personal rule of reading everything top to bottom and mining everything I don't know. This is one aspect of visual novels that doesn’t appeal to me and has in fact prevented me from reading them until I realized that not all of them were eroge and that there were actually good SFW reading material available. That said and at this point in time, these are words I'm not particularly interested in learning, but if I ever change my mind I'm positive a 春樹村上 novel would do the trick with less of the visuals and more of just words. Easier to rinse your eyes after that even though admittedly Norwegian Wood was kinda freaky as well.

READING STATS

Case 1: 12.65H; Case 2: 10.63H; Case 3: 7.58H; Case 0 17.69H; Epilogue 1.3H. Total 49.85H

I know I've been saying that I'd like to try to read VNs with the voices turned low, but I quickly realized that half of the fun and personality of the characters was rooted in the voice acting for this particular story. That said, I felt like I relied on my listening a lot again, especially for the latter parts where there were lots of infodumps. I feel like this was closer to my level of reading, but the voices just boosted my speed despite sometimes skipping some of them.

Ended up reading at an average of 13,262 characters an hour because of this, which both pleases me and makes me worried somehow. I really feel that whatever I achieved with Fata Morgana is the purest representation of my reading speed, because that was completely unvoiced, but at the same time I don't want the level of self doubt I've been feeling to creep in and destroy my confidence. I do want to address mental health and the pressures of language learning in a different post, but I'm still warming up to the idea of it.

Pretty pleased that I was able to read 50k characters multiple times during some routes. It has been awhile since my energy for reading has been this way, and I really do hope I keep finding stories that tickle my fancy like this did. I have a few VNs on my radar spoilers some of them are on the graph, and I’m really hoping that one of them is going to mix it up for me, both in difficulty and plot, to keep me interested in reading more in the coming months.

For the most part, 白昼夢 has been a pretty fun read for me. There were some parts I loved and some I could have done without. It certainly got me thinking which is a great sign of a good read. I’m not sure if the definitive edition of this (SFW with a couple more cases to read) would have been worth the wait, since I don’t know exactly how they would fit in a story that seems well rounded already, but if it’s easy to skip to the new cases, then maybe I’ll pick it up again.

Individual Case Discussion, CGs, and Spoilers

The routes were randomized and I ended up with Case 1-3-2 as my route order, but I’ll be talking about them in numerical order.

Case 1:  波多野 凛

Ah yes, another white haired girl named 凛. There’s a theme in my VN picks clearly. I was dreading what was to come from this case from the beginning. It felt a bit unfortunate that I had to start with this one because the MC was a walking red flag, so I was relieved that it changes cases midway through.

I liked that 有島 芳 was going through a life crisis that was very realistic. Society has really unfair expectations of people - not everyone can be successful in their first few tries, and deeming them a failure even before they start is especially painful, so I appreciate how the case went about discussing something that people usually brush off in real life until recently. 

However, that doesn't mean that any of his choices after that was acceptable though. Seriously, he is a grown adult and he should have known better than to pursue such a relationship with a minor. Not to mention raping his wife, something that also came from really disgusting thoughts towards said minor. Other than that, his bizarre fascination with Rin's dad and his almost suicide because of this obsession was kind of disturbing. Seriously dude, go to marriage counselling and therapy, and stop using schoolgirls as your shield from the world.

I mean, I guess 凛 and the child do not end up alone in the world during the epilogue which still doesn't make everything prior right though. Watanabe is a bro, but also is now an accessory to crime. I’m starting to really appreciate the jail time 切那 got in Island! Relieved that everything that happened was just a dream!

Case 2:  オリヴィア・ベリー

I love historical fiction so this was pretty up my alley. An interesting take on Shakespeare's beginnings, although the side characters felt all over the place, like they're kind of just there for the funny bits and to add some sort of depth to the current timeline, but also not really? It hinted on their secret religious gatherings and then kind of dusted it off and never really delved into it more. I would have been more invested in the world building if so, historical accuracies aside. 

Love the dynamic between オリヴィア and ウィリアム; it felt like what one would expect from screenplays and the historical fiction romance genre. Also really enjoyed オリヴィア’s character in general, not really caring about the rules at the time and continuing her pursuit as an actress even if it means she has to portray male characters.

That said, this felt like the weakest case, because it involved a lot of writing - something that was already discussed in Case 1 - and for reasons that will make sense in Case 0, it doesn’t really add much to or takes from 世凪’s personality aside from just her being fascinated with Shakespeare.

Case 3  桃ノ内 すもも

My favorite case and the best characters! すもも - my sweet cotton candy girl - the sprite of whom I loved the moment I saw her and was what convinced me to read this. She doesn’t really need to do much to be best girl for me, the comedy is golden, and yes, she’s even a tier above 世凪 which surprised me to be honest.すもも's personality reminds me of a friend of mine, so I was pretty sold for the rest of the case.

The banter between the three characters was so fun to read and I was able to read huge portions of the halves without getting bored. I liked that 出雲 had her own character (松風 梓姫) to play in these dreams and what a funny character at that, too. 飴井 カンナ, too, was a brilliant MC I thought, very direct with what he wants to pursue in life. 

They all ended up still being friends and successful in the end, too. Honestly, if the whole VN was just this case I would have been quite happy, but of course it’s better than that.

I think, compared to Case 1, these characters were a better example of how to handle society's pressures - taking the time to explore different avenues without going to the extreme side of things. Unpopular opinion probably because すもも's a gem, but I'm also not ignoring what she did do for カンナ, because although close in age, he was also still a minor iirc, so even though she stopped herself from pursuing something further at the time, it felt almost as bad as it did in Case 1.

Case 0:  世凪

I liked that 世凪’s personality was essentially just すもも with a sprinkling of オリヴィア and 凛. Was so thrilled that her gestures and her memories were the base of all her dreamed up self-insert characters for her and 海斗. Yet another 幼馴染 romance story, yaaaas! 

海斗 started as a really likeable kind and smart kid, just wanting to help his mom, but when they grew up he was kind of really selfish I thought? He ignores 世凪's interests for the most part and only took notice when he realized he could use her gift to essentially pursue his goals. Even 世凪's cry for help to stop the procedures didn't really make him do anything about it ‘til the last minute. Oh well, too far in to stop now kind of situation I guess.

Felt crazy that they just agreed to put everyone in what I can only describe as a weird perpetual dream state. Feels like cheating life in itself and also the people who didn't particularly sign up for a life like that. Like, I understand that they were trying to avoid the weird disease going about, but you’d think that they’d consider to ask the opinions of everyone else involved, too. 

It was really easy to tell who the antagonist was going to be and between that and the infodumps it kind of droned on for a bit too long for my liking. Not to mention it felt to me like he had one of those stereotypical antagonist tropes - I'm doing this crazy thing to save my wife, but in the process you can't have yours and I regret nothing - not very interesting. Also if I’m not mistaken he essentially said at one point, “Hey to stop my crazy rampage, there's a button that can kill my wife if it so pleases you. Please feel free to make that decision for me and my wife. Thanks!” What a terrible person.

It was also pretty weird how like said antagonist was just there for extra plot I guess. Whether he existed or not, 世凪 still had to become the sacrificial lamb, so what was the point? I mean she's alive, kind of, with everyone else and 海斗 in the strange dream state if I understood it correctly, so things work out I guess.

The end kind of fell flat for me to be honest. The build up was decent, but the execution was a bit bland and disappointing. I don’t know, maybe I’m just terrible at reading infodumps and missed something important, but no one has called me out for it yet so unless someone explains it to me or I end up finding something about the ending, then I’m stuck at thinking that it just ended kind of okay. 

- ☆ - 

Thanks for reading all the way to the end! ＼(＾▽＾)／

If you read this visual novel, please feel free to DM. I’d love to discuss! Look forward to more updates in the future as always. 

[thornedrose44]

What Would It Take?

Read on AO3

Their friendship was stronger than it had ever been but it was also so, so, so different to what it once was for Kara.

They were open and honest about their day, their fears, their hopes… everything. And with all that came vulnerability, laying yourself bare and exposed. 

For Lena, things were probably no different to the last time, she had always been open, had never hidden away parts of herself from Kara Danvers, had been honest about her relationship with Lex and all the positives and negatives that came with that.

But for Kara this was an entirely new experience. 

Previously, Kara had kept her walls up and had hidden her defences behind lies and subterfuge. She would empathise with Lena but never reveal shared experiences, would keep her loss and pain close to the chest, would allude but never directly explain. Now, Kara was Kara Zor-El with Lena. There were no shadows to hide in, nor half-formed lies and rushed excuses to duck behind. She was no longer keeping a part of herself hidden away and protected.

When they re-started their friendship it came with the understanding that there would be no more lies or secrets between them. That for their friendship to work it had to be built on honesty at its most fundamental level.

With that agreement in place, over the course of their first few interactions, Kara came to a realisation that broke her.

It was the realisation that this (honesty and openness) was easier for Lena to do than it was for Kara. It was the realisation that Kara didn’t know how to have a relationship without some kind of secret to hide behind; even with Alex there were no-go topics and parts of themselves neither wanted to share. It was the realisation that Lena had time and time again, prior to the reveal, put herself out there thinking Kara was stood by her side, equally exposed and vulnerable. 

With that realisation came a whole swathe of emotions.

Guilt.

Shame.

Pain.

Confusion.

But there also came a commitment.

A commitment to meet Lena halfway. To let herself be truly vulnerable with another person. Not just for Lena but for herself.

With that commitment came a strong friendship. A real one. More real than any Kara had ever had before.

Kara no longer filtered her thoughts to hide parts of herself. She spoke her mind and that… that was where the trouble really started.

For a number of reasons.

“Rao, you look beautiful.” 

“Your mind is incredible.”

“You’re so graceful and elegant.”

“Lena, you’re just… fantastic, have I told you that recently?”

“I adore your eyes.”

All of those were said in a single day. Scratch that, a two hour period. Games Night to be exact. 

Kara hadn’t even known she was doing it, let alone that frequently, until Nia had jumped into the air shouting “Bingo” after Kara had complimented Lena’s hair. Turns out the Superfriends (Kara was thinking of retracting that title) had started a ‘Compliment Bingo’ that they had been playing in secret for the last three months to capitalise on Kara’s tendency to sing Lena’s praises (literally singing Lena’s praises was on Alex and Brainy’s bingo charts and had won them the game at least twice). Nia and Alex had confessed all of this to Kara rather sheepishly after Lena had been pulled back to L-Corp to handle a business crisis following Nia’s ‘bingo’ exclamation.

Bingo-gate probably should have put an end to the compliments but by that point Kara had become somewhat addicted to the pink blush that would dust Lena’s lovely cheeks whenever Kara blurted out a compliment without thinking (having put her filter aside at the restart of their friendship).

 See, the thing is… the big realisation at the restart of their friendship wasn’t just about Kara’s sudden self reflection nor her guilt for the earlier handling of her friendship with Lena. They were big parts, huge even, but they weren’t everything. And they weren’t the part that was plaguing Kara now, six months later. 

The big realisation, the actual one that had come with having Lena in her life in a full and complete way after being deprived for so long, after thinking that she might never have her back again, never hold her hand, never hug her was… 

Love.

Kara loved her.

The big kind of love.

The love Alex had been telling her about over the course of countless sister nights when it came to Maggie and now to Kelly.

The kind of love that meant every time you looked at them you saw something that was just so perfect and wonderful that you can barely keep the words of adoration back (not that Kara even tried to anymore). The kind of love that meant you wanted them safe and cared for. 

And despite six months of carefully reconstructed friendship. Six months of coming to grips with the big realisation. Six months of being vulnerable with Lena. Six months of her eyes being open to a new reality where she was in love with her best friend.

Six life-changing months and it never even crossed her mind that Lena could feel the same way about her.

That was until today...

Today, Kara was going food shopping and, since she was also getting snacks for games night later that evening, Lena had offered to come along and help. 

It was something that had become standard between them now. Keeping each other company for random chores and daily life excursions. Kara accompanied Lena to the gym to provide the CEO with light conversation and motivation despite not receiving any tangible benefit from the activity (though Kara found the sight of Lena, with a light sheen of sweat, stretching after a workout was a reward beyond anything she could have imagined). Lena, meanwhile, helped Kara with her taxes and happily kept Kara company when she had to sort out her laundry. 

Kara had never had a friendship like this before. All of her other friendships (not including Alex) had required that there was some form of entertainment to go alongside every interaction. With Lena, there was no longer that pressure there. Lena would happily work away on her laptop whilst Kara edited her recent article without complaint, in fact, the raven-haired woman seemed to likewise appreciate how at ease they both felt when silent. 

Therefore, when Lena offered to come food-shopping with her, Kara didn’t think twice about saying yes. 

Kara worried her bottom lip as she looked between the two loaves of bread. One was freshly baked and still slightly warm to the touch. The other was store-branded, squashed on one side and far less appetising but it was a dollar cheaper. Kara let out a regretful sigh, as she put back the warm new loaf and grabbed two of the cheaper variety. Kara headed back to the trolley, tossing in her latest picks before dropping her gaze to scrutinise her scribbled list of items.

“Why didn’t you buy the other one?” Lena asked, breaking the comfortable silence between them.

“Hmm…” Kara hummed, glancing over at the raven haired woman who had an unreadable expression on her face.

“The other loaf of bread.”

“This one’s cheaper.” Kara replied gesturing to the squashed loaves in the trolley.

“Why not get both?” Lena prompted.

“I don’t need both.”

“You may not need that particular loaf but you definitely need more than two.” Lena asserted, moving forward to lean against the side of Kara’s trolley, bringing her into Kara’s space. 

Kara barely held back the ‘Rao, your eyes are the purest green’ that flitted through her mind as she struggled to stay focused on the rather bizarre conversation she was having right now. “I only ever buy two.” Kara pointed out.

“Yes but you need more.” Lena insisted, her gaze narrowing.

“I do?” Kara said dumbly, uncertain where Lena’s intensity was coming from.

“Yes!” Lena declared, “With the number of calories you burn through due to your ‘extra-curricular’ activities, you require a far more substantive intake that what you are currently acquiring for yourself.” 

“Huh?” Kara blinked, she had definitely been listening but her attention had been only half on what Lena was saying; the other half had been on the way Lena’s long, delicate fingers twisted around the wired bars of the trolley so elegantly. 

“Kara…” Lena sighed, her green eyes going soft and melancholic in that particular way that always made Kara’s heart flutter and twist in her chest as if it wanted to reach out itself to soothe the other woman. “The amount of food you have in your trolley and how much you intend to buy are nowhere near enough to cover your daily requirements. If my calculations are correct, you need to be buying out the entire store every other week.”

Kara’s face reddened with embarrassment at the far too accurate assessment causing her to rub the back of her neck nervously.

It was the fact that they had promised to be honest with one another in tandem with the destruction of Kara’s filter when it came to Lena, that resulted in the following words coming out of the blonde’s mouth so easily, “Shockingly enough, not everyone can buy an entire store.” 

Kara hadn’t said it to be cruel or to disparage Lena’s own wealthy status. It wasn’t about that.

It was simply an honest statement. 

One which revealed far more about Kara’s financial woes than she had ever let anyone find out. Not even Alex knew how Kara struggled to afford the food costs that came with being Supergirl. Alex had never joined the dots that Kara’s increased power usage would require an increased calorie count. 

One which Kara frequently struggled to afford. 

Lena, however, had already made the connection if the unsurprised look on her face at Kara’s response was anything to go by. 

“What would it take for you to let me pay for it?” Lena questioned cutting right to the chase. 

Kara was suddenly struck with the clarity that this was why Lena had requested to come with her to the supermarket in the first place.

“No, Lena, you can’t.” Kara rejected without even bothering to consider it as an option.

“Why not?” Lena tilted her head to the side expectantly, obviously wanting a clear cut reason, “Is it pride?”

“You’re my friend.” Kara reasoned futilely.

“Your friend, who wants to help.” Lena pointed out.

“It’s too much.” Kara tried instead.

“It’s food, Kara.” Lena said simply, “It’s a basic necessity that is never too much.” Lena reached out and placed a hand atop of Kara’s one that was tightly gripping her list of food that she could afford. Lena’s touch was gentle and grounding. “It is the bare minimum especially considering all you do for this city.”

Kara shook her head, dropping her gaze to the ground, “I don’t do that expecting anything in return.”

“I know that, that’s one of the reasons why I-” Lena’s voice cut off causing Kara to look up sharply at her, “Just...” Lena huffed out a breath of frustration, “Just tell me what it would take.”

“Lena…”

“What would it take?” Lena pushed.

“Why does it matter so much?” Kara asked instead of answering, switching the focus around. “I’ve been fine for years like this, Lena. Why does it matter?”

“Why does it matter?!” Lena spluttered, looking positively outraged. “It matters because it’s you. It matters because you deserve to have as much food as you need without worrying about paying rent. It matters because you matter. It matters because I-” Lena paled, biting down on her bottom lip hard.

“Because you?” Kara whispered, blue eyes wide with shock and hope as her heart hammered against the cage of her chest.

Lena opened and closed her mouth, her whole body tense and rigid before she exhaled deeply causing her entire being to deflate in acceptance and her head to hang, depriving Kara of bright green, “We promised each other honesty.” Lena muttered helplessly to herself, before she raised her chin determinedly, “Because I love you.”

The whole world went still. Everything went quiet. And Kara completely forgot how to breathe as Lena, yet again, took that first step of vulnerability. Yet again ventured forward, tearing down her own walls, to do something Kara didn’t know how to do. 

Rao, Kara was in total awe of this woman.

This woman she adored. This woman that loved her.

This woman that made her want to strip away all her armour so that all of her could feel what it was like to bask in the presence of the one and only Lena Luthor.

“It matters for all the other reasons I said as well.” Lena continued, utterly unaware of how she had caused Kara’s entire being to unravel. “But it also matters because I love you and I can’t do nothing, Kara. I can’t do nothing when I have the very means to help you. So, please, please, please just tell me what it would take. Tell me what-”

Lena’s demands were cut off yet again.

Though this time it wasn’t her own doing, but Kara’s.

Kara’s lips pressed against hers to be exact. 

It was there in the bread aisle of the local supermarket that Kara Zor-El did the first thing in her life solely as and for herself. The first time that Kara Zor-El was simply Kara Zor-El with no barriers, no armour, no secrets… and the free version of her wanted nothing more than to kiss the woman she loved.

So she did.

And it was… transcendent…

Kara cupped Lena’s cheeks with her hands so, so, so gently. She wasn’t keeping her in place or even guiding, her palms were barely brushing Lena’s skin but Kara had never needed something so much, to feel like she had her whole world safely cherished in her hands. 

Lena’s lips were soft and pliable and Kara took so much care in mapping them out. Finding out how to slot their lips so that they fit perfectly together. Where to apply pressure to cause Lena’s breath to stutter. How to coax Lena’s lips gently open with the lightest swipe of her tongue.

Kara eventually pulled back an infinitesimal distance, parting so that their lips were just out of touch and their foreheads resting against each other. 

“Marry me.” Kara breathed out.

“What?” Lena gasped, jerking backwards, green eyes wide and kiss-swollen lips parted in shock.

Kara laughed gleefully as she dropped her hands away from Lena’s face to wrap them around the other woman’s waist and pull her close. 

“Did… did you-” Lena stuttered.

“Answer your question.” Kara grinned, pressing swift and delicate kisses to Lena’s jaw.

“My question?” Lena murmured, turning her head to the side to allow Kara a path down her neck.

“What would it take.” Kara muttered, nipping at Lena’s tendon and producing a sharp intake of breath. “For you to buy the whole store for me every other week.”

“Oh…” Lena leaned back to arch a sharp eyebrow at the blonde as a mischievous smile took over her face, “Well, now I have a goal to work towards.”

Kara’s eyes crinkled at the edges with joy, “Yeah, I guess you do.”

[rianzodiac]

A thank you to the signs

[thank you for all being so freaking legendary]

Aries

Aries, yous are some of the most head strong people alive, but that is you strength and why you are so admirable. Aries make the change in the world. You are assertive in your beliefs and you may not always be right, but you will always, without fail, fight for what you think is right which is what makes you truly heroic. Your charismatic personality makes you likeable and your excitable, carefree character is contagious ensuring that people always feel great around you. Your ambition and drive is heartwarming, never stop trying, the world will surely end when yous Aries give up.

Taurus

Yous are truly the fuzzy blankets of astrology: soft, comforting, reliable and everyone should have one in their lives! You guys are the warm hugs we all need when life gets tough. You are genuine and are not afraid to tell us how it is, but you won’t be mean about it, you’ll tell us what we need to hear and still be there to mop up our tears after. You are the definition of a loyal friend; you will be by our sides even as we walk through hell, just so we can fight the demons together. I would like to say a thank you to the sign we all need to hug back every once in a while.

Gemini

Geminis, yous are the life of the party, the popular, witty, outgoing icons we all love - and for good reason. Your electric personalities are enticing and addictive, you draw countless people in but your real power lies in making them stay. As soon as people have you as a friend, they hold on and never let go. You are the ray of sunshine we all need on our darkest days. You know that you may not be able to solve all of our problems and so you resort to the next best thing - distracting us and reminding us that life is for living. You reignite the love and happiness many lose in their hearts through your humour and joy of making others laugh. But there’s another, more hidden side to you, you are smart and curious of the world around you. You never stop wondering about the places and people that surround which is why you lead such stimulating conversations. Never stop educating us and making us happy, we needs you more than we ever let on.

Cancer

Not everyone can be so in touch with their emotions, only the brave have the power to do that and you manage to do it with such grace and beauty. Never let them tell you that you’re too dramatic, showing emotion is the bravest thing many of us are too scared to do. Your openness with your emotions fools many into believing you are weak, but never will they make that mistake again as you are one of the most fiercely loyal and protective friends with the kindest hearts. You know what it’s like to be hurt and never want others to suffer that way. Your experience with emotions enables you to pick up on others; trust your intuition, it serves you reliably. And along with your humble and optimistic attitude to life, you make some of the most loving people to ever walk the earth.

Leo

Leo’s are the ones you notice as soon as they walk in a room, your liveliness and contagious high energy is a huge reason so many love you and crave your vibe. Never underestimate your influence as you have the ability to change the atmosphere of a room just with your presence. Your passion for what you love is admirable and your bravery when facing the world makes you one of the most inspiring signs of whom we could all learn a lesson from. They say you’re confident and you have every right to be, stay strong our powerful little lions.

Virgo

Virgos, you strive for an excellence that many never thought possible. Your complete faith in what can be accomplished enables you to emerge victorious in anything you set your mind to. Your work ethic is motivational, whenever you do something, you fully commit to it which is why the rest of us know we can always rely on you. Your organisational skill are enviable and that’s why you’re probably known as the parent of the group, you are on point at planning group days out. Your forward thinking is why many of the gestures you make, even if you don’t think they are, are incredibly thoughtful and appreciated more than you will ever know. So thank you Virgos because without you, we’d never get anything done and our lives would be filled with a lot less surprises.

Libra

Libras, yous are the sign that can get along with anyone. Your adverse reaction to conflict is perhaps what makes you so lovable and why everyone enjoys to be around you. You’re always tactful and diplomatic which highlights your immense strength as not everyone can contain themselves as well as you, especially when faced with tension. You are the sign that is a friend to all and makes sure no one is left alone. Never mistake your easy going and peaceful manner for being submissive for your ability to thrive with all is what makes your character so powerful. You play such a vital role in the world, you are the glue that holds so many relationships, families and friendships together, and don’t you forget it. We all turn to you when we need a friend we can trust so thanks for being there.

Scorpio

Hello the fearless warriors of the zodiac. The absolute determination and perseverance you have when approaching anything and everything is a testament to your power as you really can do anything you set your mind to. You’re clever and that gives you the skill set to complete any goal and challenges that come your way. You come off as mysterious, use that to your advantage, everyone loves a good mystery. Just as you are powerful and strong, you are also selfless and caring, you always seem to put others before you. Your life is full of altruistic acts, and as much as we always admit it sometimes, we love you for it.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius, you are the spark that never dulls. You teach us all to approach life with a true ‘go get it’ attitude and you will never lead a boring life because of it. Your wild but friendly nature makes you so much fun to be around. You are the friends to take us out on a late night expedition to the beach just for the fun of it. Your truthfulness is also greatly appreciated and your judgment is trusted fully. You are the friends who push us out of our comfort zone and change us and make us great. Thank you Sagittarius’ for being the best, most fun and courageous and wild, version of ourselves.

Capricorn

Capricorn’s are the workers. You are the people who have already or will achieve greatness in the world. You’re ambitious which allows you to set high goals for yourself and that, mixed with your discipline, often sees these plans set into motion. The practical side of you knows your capabilities and what is possible which makes you an effective leader as you have found the perfect balance of promoting hard work but whilst not overwhelming others with pressure; that along with your charismatic way with people makes you rather persuasive, you hold more influence that you believe. You do tend to place high standards for yourself to live up to, but you needn’t, your hard working and diligent nature enables you to achieve success because of who you are. Maybe you don’t realise how extraordinary you are - you are capable of completing tremendous feats, we see it everyday, it’s time you did too.

Aquarius

You’re the people that get people thinking. Whether it be your new look, your new view on a topic or your interactions with others - people will be left with you on their mind for a while. Your courage to be who you really are in a world that isn’t always accepting is admirable. You remind us that we should never have to live up to anyone’s expectations but our own. Your mind works both creatively but also analytically which means anything you create has a deeper meaning and any solution you have come up with is innovative and ‘out of the box’. Though typically considered ‘lone wolves’, you serve people with the purest spirit and care about mankind more than we deserve. Thanks for being the hand to pull us up.

Pisces

Pisces. You remind the world what it is to dream, to create, to love without expectation or applause or recognition. You teach us to express our truest self in a world where that can be frowned upon. You’re wise beyond your years and seem to be born with knowledge of people. Your compassion to everyone you meet reflects your pure, selfless spirit. Your gentle nature reminds everyone that it’s okay to be soft every once in a while but the utter bravery embedded in everything you do inspires us to be tough also. Pisces, you sometimes are a walking contradiction, but of the best sort, you are the soft fur of the wolf but also the forbidding warning of the teeth. Pisces, you teach the world that’s it’s okay not to know entirely who you are, but to express who you feel you are, so please Pisces continue to create, to inspire, to live for us all to follow in your footsteps.

[im-whatchamccallit]

Their Idol Girlfriend is Given a Nation’s Title//ATEEZ

(A/N: I’m currently in love with WayV’s new video and haven’t figured out how to function normally after it. Ty)

Hongjoong

Hongjoong was proud of you for being the “Nation’s Pick”, seeing it as a well-deserved opportunity due to your talent and growth. You would be responsible for presenting the country to the entire world for future tourist and, instead of worrying about you traveling and being too busy to spend time with him, his main concern would be if you were ready for the upcoming task.

Hongjoong would listen to the speeches you’d have to do for certain events, staying up with you to research the other countries you’d be visiting, rehearsing greetings in those languages to make sure you seemed inviting and genuine. It almost felt like you were a trainee again.

Only after you felt fully prepared would Hongjoong grow upset at his future separation from you, going from his normal professional-minded self to his normal clingy-boyfriend self, cursing that the Korean Tourism Organization would choose you of all people, But how couldn’t they? You were known worldwide at this point, were great with the public, and very well spoken. Now he just curses you for being too perfect.

Seonghwa

Having the title of “Nation’s Thief” was amusing to both you and Seonghwa, he just let it go to his head a bit more.

With Ateez steady popularity, and many fancams of him being shared worldwide over millions of times, it was only natural that Seonghwa would become something of a bachelor in his home country. The moment the public learned that you, a fellow idol, were his girlfriend, the playful name of ‘thief’ was thrown around in interviews and online. You never took it to heart which allowed Seonghwa to bask in the purity of it all. Seonghwa would spam his social media with photos of you and him, captioning them with jokes of your title, more specifically about if any other “thieves” wanted to steal him away (only for you to make him change the caption because, joking or not, you both know people would take him up on that offer).

Yunho

The title of “Nation’s Fairy” left you in disbelief, and even more so Yunho. Why? Because the almost secret videos of your contemporary dance recitals from your youth were released, causing the media, your fans, non-fans, and various other celebrities to take into account how graceful and agile you truly are.

Ever since you debuted as an idol, your dances were mostly modern and hip-hop, a complete 180 from your childhood, but you were just as elegant. And, once Yunho discovered the reason behind the sudden title, he was not as shocked as before.

Yunho always knew you were a great dancer, watching you and taking in your every move and technique, amazed at how fluid they were, he was just surprised people noticed it now. Overall, his initial shock would disappear and he would continue to appreciate you as is, even asking when you’ll do more contemporary dances in the future, at this point secretly expecting more than what your idol self has shown.

Yeosang

It was undeniable that you were the nation’s sweetheart, you were adorable and kind hearted, everything about you screaming innocence. So it was always fun for Yeosang to tease you about the not so innocent things you’d do. When you let out a swear because you dropped something, or even grab a beer before settling in to watch a movie for the night, or even just kissing him once he initiated it, he’d always say in that almost sing-songy voice,

“What if the world knew our nation’s sweetheart acted like this?”

The title wouldn’t effect either of you much, Yeosang not seeing the true impact it has on you or your career. Sure, you sometimes had to pretend you were the purest thing on planet earth, but you didn’t mind being seen as cute and lovable. Yeosang would be fine with the sudden burst of attention you got and wouldn’t feel any different about the situation, even when you two were spotted together, Yeosang’s soft appearance nearly giving him his own title as the nation’s prince. So maybe it’s a win-win.

San

San was proud when you finally received the title of “Nation’s Girl Group”. He remembers it like it was yesterday, when you burst into their dorm and screamed “You won’t believe this!”

San would be a bit disappointed that with the title came a complete shift in your relationship, you two barely seeing one another. All preplanned dates would be cancelled because of last minute interviews, you’d be touring heavily and requested to model or make a cameo on some movie or drama, and your only form of contact would be minutes long FaceTime calls of you apologizing for not seeing him as much. But San would remind you both that once Ateez became the nation’s boy group, he’d be busy but will always make time for you, so he appreciates you doing the same now.

To put your separation worries to rest, San would suggest making it a competition, seeing how long you’d stay the nation’s girl group before Ateez makes it as the nation’s boy group. Of course, he felt awful betting on if you’d be able to maintain your title, but you and he had a strong competitive drive either way, and he thought it’d be a good way to encourage you to work harder, which is all he ever ask of you to do with your career and vice versa.

Mingi

Being the nation’s “little sister” was something you weren’t too fond of, and Mingi knew that, learning to avoid those words and topic when alone with you, but he obviously found himself gravitating towards the title more after finally seeing what the general public has all these years.

Mingi would go back to all your performances from your childhood when you first began singing, all the interviews you did acting so cutely that it made everyone’s hearts swoon, even to recent interviews where you would respond to any questions and comments in a shy manner. You truly were someone worth protecting, no wonder the nation saw you the way they did.

Nonetheless, Mingi would try to push aside the protectiveness that came with bestowing you with the title, reminding himself you aren’t the same little girl the world come to know you as, you were an adult that sometimes swore and sometimes drank a little too much just because you were of age and could, you could drive, you paid bills and owned your own home, and you would cry from hard days and curl up into a ball to sleep. You were an adult human, something you secretly hoped people would realize for years, but reluctantly kept up your squeaky clean public image, and what more could Mingi do than comply with your wishes?

Wooyoung

Wooyoung was a bit confused on how you didn’t let the title of “Nation’s First Love” go to your head, he knows he’d let the vanity consume him. Yet you were so humble.

Wooyoung felt the title was very fitting, the day he met you his heart nearly burst out of his chest and that was from your looks alone. But when you spoke to him, and he finally got to know you, your personality was enough to make him want to propose to you then and there. Wooyoung wouldn’t be too jealous at the attention you’d get from the media and general public, not even people gawking on the streets bothered him, his biggest concern would be if you were so perfect because you were pressured to be.

“It’s just the life of an idol; we only show enough of our true selves to connect with fans, but leave our truest selves for the days we need to remember who we really are.”

He always joked you were a fake philosopher when you said things like this, but learned to take that specific phrase to heart. You were an idol-actress with a fanbase that loved you and vice versa. You were always smiling for cameras and talking about your career as if it weren’t a big deal. All just to come home and wear sweats while eating instant ramen on the floor like you did as a kid.

Wooyoung found comfort in the fact that while you wooed everyone in your day to day life effortlessly, but that he was the only one that knew the actual you.

Jongho

Nation’s Mother’s Friend’s Daughter. It was honestly the last thing Jongho thought anyone would call you, yet here you were, shy and awkward at the fact you were blessed with such a title. He didn’t get it at first, wondering what exactly it meant and what would bring the public to this conclusion, but the media always seemed to give him examples.

“She’s an idol, but makes time to visit hospitals to keep the elderly and children company! I’d love to see more idols like her!”

“I just heard she made a huge donation without even alerting the media! She’s really a kind soul!”

“Did you know she’s pursuing a law degree? She’s so incredible!”

Granted, you never really liked for people to compare themselves to you, especially when it came to your fellow idols, but you humbly rejecting the praise only seemed to make it happen more. Although Jongho never saw it as a bad thing, and other idols never took it to heart, he still wanted to ease the unnecessary guilt you felt with having your title. He didn’t know how, but you both going out to eat after a day of shopping, you ordering something small like always, gave him the idea to order beer and chicken, as much as you could both possibly consume within an hour. You were always praised for being so in shape and healthy, never eating “fatty foods”, that he allowed you the opportunity to make one “mistake”, something harmless that would make you feel human. And after the first sip of the alcoholic beverage, and the world not suddenly collapsing around you, you truly did.

[themilky-way]

and if you’re ever afraid, i’ll be there to hold you close {spencer reid}

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader

summary: to love someone means to let them go. but how long until the pain of their absence becomes too much to bear? based on rosyln by bon iver.

warnings: this is champagne but without the cham. angst idk how much i’m not an angst connoisseur yet lol

author’s note: umm i wrote this one kind of differently and its quite short but i just based this one off of the personal emotions the song (linked above) makes me feel yk. also the title prolly doesn’t go w the content so don’t pay attention to that 🤡

———

the laws of the universe carried no handbook. there was no manual so as to perfectly guide an individual towards the right path. whatever they decided happened on their own accord, and the resulting emotions they received because of it was of their own mere negligence.

it’s true that one thing cannot exist without another. if you seek out the bright, warming rays of the sun, you will receive days worth of cold rain. and if your heart desires the most passionate connection unfathomable to mankind, there is a risk of losing it before you can even hold it in your hands. despite your hardest efforts to prevent it, and regardless of how many hours you’ve searched for guidance in the depths of the universe, the inevitable pain of heartbreak will make its way to you. there are places you may hide, new faces you can morph into, even names you can change, but it’s here. it exists at the same time as you just as much as it roamed in your past life. the rules of love do not hold the power to be understood in any other way besides experience. the most intelligent being cannot even begin to perceive its strength, and the one who tries to will cease to exist in failed attempts.

yet, there dwelled a possibility that it could one day be understood, that the effects of falling in love would not be counterbalanced with an aching heart. time, being as generous and patient as it was, had placed it in his soul. it was him who would ultimately outlive millennia’s worth of anguish, but what could it conceivably cost him?

such was the question gnawing at spencer reid, eating him alive from the inside out. he was unbeknownst to it, as he was with a greater number of things, but the pressure to figure out an answer-whatever answer-nearly pushed him to the edge. what is it i need to solve? he’d ask himself every night before turning off his lamp, and once more when it was time to fix himself his morning coffee. it was as if his mind had become a broken record, repeating the smallest of actions or words to see if he caught a glimpse of a hint.

spencer had been so busy looking for an answer he never realized it was already right in front of him. and it was gazing at him as profoundly as the waves of all seven seas, with a cup of coffee in one hand and a pen in the other. the answer was, in all its admirable glory, the most beautiful thing to exist. it called out for him in a way that made his skin fill with goosebumps at the sheer sound, made his words tumble over each other in an incoherent mess, made him want to thank a god he wasn’t sure he believed in. the answer was you.

at all times, a question hovered above you whenever you’d speak. it was to announce that you were the one thing the agent could never solve, an ambiguous mortal whose only purpose was to teach him how to cherish. your mission was not meant to secure your stay alongside him, but to leave once you taught him everything he needed to know, and the man was intelligent enough to know at least that.

this caused him to treasure the moments you both shared as if his life depended on it because frankly, it did. from the first ice cream sundae you ate side by side to the last dance that made him realize your assignment in this speck of a world was nearly due. his grip on your waist tightened-fingers taking a bit of your dress with it-and permitted his body to bring yours closer. it was all he would get in the end, the recollections of your scent and touch and just about everything you held. when the time came, your perfume wouldn’t fill his senses when you walked past his desk. your laugh would eventually become a distant sound echoing through the air around him, and it hit him then, as real as a punch to the stomach. you’d never pass him in the mornings anymore. every single trace of yourself would leave with your existence and there was no stopping it.

“aren’t you terrified?” your voice had been tiny, barely even audible. you hadn’t known what you meant by it, the spectrum of answers too infinite to choose from.

“why would i be?” spencer replied. why would he be, really? it had been written in the scriptures since the beginning of time, had it not? scripted that this would be his ultimate fate, the downfall that would destroy the purest pieces of his own self.

“i don’t know, we could’ve been…” you thought about it first, “…we could’ve been everything.”

indeed, cupid had been quite foolish, for as he did not shoot the right arrow. the god above, the universe, everything that lurked beyond understanding hadn’t given him the opportunity to live the rest of his humble years with the one he so admired. there was no sense of peace, no self-satisfaction at having learned how to love because what was the point of having done so if he couldn’t have you? yet, as spencer held you, a star with its light fading ever so gradually, he believed that if in this life you could’ve been everything, in the next one you already were.

[blog-sappho-s-movies]

JAMIE - the symbol of love

I love Dani. She is an adorable cute bean, she is so caring and funny and I can 100% relate to all of her gay panic attacks. 

But I absolutely love Jamie. 

Jamie has become the newest love of my life because, without a doubt, this is her who shows us what real love looks like. She shows us what love is. Love in it’s best, purest, the most perfect meaning. Love that everyone seeks but only some people find. Jamie shows that love is not only a feeling, but that love is work. She shows that just like you have to take care of flowers so they won’t wither, you have to take care of your love. 

Because love means actively choosing to be by someone’s side every single day. To be with them for better and for worse. To be with someone even though you know that they’ll be gone before you will, and the pain you’ll feel will be enormous but you decide to stay regardless of that. That after their death you’ll never quite accept that they’re gone. You’ll never really stop to mourn. And you’ll never get another partner, you’ll wait for the day when you’ll meet them again after your own death. And you stay with them knowing that. But you chose to stay and you’re loyal, you’re caring and selfless. 

And Jamie is loyal, caring, selfless, protective, understanding and patient. 

At Bly, Jamie has never made “the moves'' first but I think that she wanted to be sure that Dani wanted it, that Dani was ready, and by not making the moves she was just patiently waiting for Dani to be ready. She has never pushed her and never put any pressure on her. And even though she clearly wanted the first kiss to happen, she waited for Dani to kiss her first. Jamie puts Dani’s mental health and Dani’s comfort first, always making sure that this is what she wants. (“Are you sure?”, Are you sure about that?”) and this is just so mature and thoughtful of her. 

At the very beginning we can already see how protective Jamie is even though at first, she shows it more in a playful way (“Oi, dead boyfriend! Give it up, mate! It’s over! ❤). But later, when she lives with Dani in Vermont we can see how much she wants to protect her from every painful moment which Dani can experience. 

Jamie is caring. She constantly asks Dani if she’s okay. (“Poppins, you’re alright?”,“You’re alright, Poppins?) And when Dani is not okay she wants to make her laugh. 

But we can also see how caring she is when she’s with the kids, with Flora especially, when she takes her away after Rebecca’s death or when she carries her to her room when she falls asleep. And also how much she wanted to take care of her brother Mikey, even though she was only a child then. 

And Jamie is happy to live “one day at a time” as long as she’s with Dani. Her message is clear: “As long as you’re here, right now with me, nothing else matters. You’re my world and we should celebrate every second that we have together. Let’s soak up these little moments. Even though we might do the most ordinary activities like preparing dinner, for me these moments are everything what I ever wanted. We don’t have to do extraordinary things. We have this little apartment of ours and it is a little piece of heaven on earth for me”

And Jamie is patient, so patient, and is always by Dani’s side when she’s nervous, has a panic attack or simply doesn’t feel well. She always assures her that “it’s okay, we’re gonna be okay” and says that nothing serious really happened. That she can buy another plate, that she can sweep the floor. That everything is good as long as Dani is safe. 

And Jamie is so understanding. Even though she cannot really know what is happening to Dani or know exactly how she feels, she tries to understand everything and approach Dani with an open heart and comforting words.

And Jamie is loyal. She and Dani didn’t have children. They weren’t “technically married” so Jamie could leave at any moment. At any moment when it started to be difficult. But Jamie wouldn’t. Jamie would never. She is loyal and she stays loyal after Dani’s death. 

And obviously she never “possesses” Dani even though it could be easy to dominate Dani, especially during her last days, when she was so vulnerable and lost. But she always treats Dani as her equal and as an independent, free woman who makes her own choices. She lets her go, she lets her go without even saying goodbye to her and she accepts this because it was Dani’s decision to walk away. 

And the scene when Jamie is wearing Dani’s blouse just destroyed me emotionally. It’s a small detail but yet such a powerful one. Wearing Dani’s blouse shows loyalty but also her deep love. And how much she desires to feel Dani, to be closer to her, to smell her, to touch material which used to touch Dani’s body. 

And also, Jamie could have easily made herself the main character of the story. She was there, she saw it, she could have made herself the hero of it. But she chooses to make Dani the lead character and tell listeners more about her. She chooses Dani so a listener can get to know Dani better, can understand her and can fall in love with her just like she did. She only makes herself a supporting character which shows how modest she is. 

But Jamie shouldn’t be modest. Even though she is “just” a gardener, a miner’s daughter, a person who was in foster families, she has a heart like nobody else. She loves so deeply, unconditionally and eternally.

And she, as a character, shows all the viewers, what real love is and teaches all of us how to love. She is the one who teaches us that love really is patient, that love is kind. She shows us that love is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. 

So thank you Jamie, for being the symbol and the embodiment of true love. Thank you for everything. I love you. ❤

[zuffer-weird-girl]

What if Kai meet his angel in school hitting one of the people who beat him up and then follows him home asking him questions and then saying by friend and months go by and they get closer and he ask pops about dating and they go on a cute date

Awwawaaww I absolutely LOVE writing for Kid Chisaki X3

Btw I'm sorry about the pops giving him advice on dating angel... maybe on a next scenario

The pain still remained on his cheek and he noticed the dirty eyes he was receiving, but he could care less. Those sick deserved all of the beating for speaking low about the yakusa.

"Yo, Kai." He heard Hari's voice from behind him and he merely grunted in response, still walking and reading his book "Is.. Is that (L/n)?" He followed Kurono's finger and saw the girl with a dark aura around her while walking.

To say he was a bit taken off from guard was a understatement. That one was know of being one of the most quiet and reserved persons on his class... but yet, she talked a bit with him, aand he could catch at least that she was pure, a quirkless little thing, and so gentle he was actually annoyed by how much she was nice even with people who didn't deserved it.

"Someone's angry apparently." Hari mumbled before Chisaki scoffed, returning his gaze to the book in his hands.

That was... until he heard screaming.

He shoted his head back up immediately and found that you had just punched one of the boys who spoked bad about the yakusa and fought with him.

"The hell is your problem weirdo?!" The boy shouted while covering his bloody nose.

"Next time-" you kicked him just in the stomach, making him fall flat with his back on the floor "Don't just say bad things about someone's family like that!"

Some other people went to hold you back while the boy got up and prepared to retreat back what he received.

"Useless bag of nothing!" He shouted with tears in his eyes but a angry look as well "You're going to pay for that!"

You cringed your teeth together before jumping and hitting both of your feet on him, struggling in the other's boys arms in a desperate way to get free.

You did not think this through...

One of them grabbed your hair harshly and made you look up at the bully, whose was glaring you down.

"Any meaning on why you hit me? If is about that yakusa thug then come on-" he rolled his eyes with a sigh "Just give me a break."

"You dont have any rights to speak about them so lowly like that Kei!" You almost cried at the way they put more pressure on your body on the ground as they lifted your head by the hair, but you still remained with the scowl "What? Sad about that your parents just divorced and went to speak shit about others?"

You got the opportunity at the shock of the people and got out of their grasp, getting up to leave another lunch as you twirled around in the air to hit a heavy kick on Kei's head with a shout.

"(L/N) (Y/n)! WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?!" A teacher yelled while passing abrupt through Chisaki and Kurono.

"That... was quite a show. Right Chisaki?" Kurono asked nonchantly, turning to his friend quickly at noticing he didn't responded "Chisaki?"

The book in his hands was totally forgotten as his amber eyes looked at you. Covered in dirt and with a frow and pout on your face as the kid yelled and scolded with you.

...why?

~

You sighed as you crossed your arms over your little chest as you swan your legs on the big chair.... waiting for the principal to finish his talking with your grandma.

Luckily your grandma knew why you had dine that... at least you weren't so screwed.

"Oi." A monotonous voice manifested as you looked up with a confused sound before looking at your left... seing that dark brow hair and golden eyes boy aproaching you slowly... stoic yet firm gaze as his hands were on his pockets while walking.

You tilted your head in confusion before he stopped right in front of you. Sighing, he took his hands out of his pockets to cross them over his chest as he arched one yebrow and glared dow at you.

"Spit it out. What do you want?"

"Eh?"

"Don't play dumb with me." He hissed angrily before his glare intensified "You beat that guy because of what he sayed about the yakusa, am I wrong?" You shooked head confusely before flinching at his intense gaze and how he threateningly got closer.

"Then you must want something to just had done that. Spill it out." He growled while you blinked your wide eyes, before doing something that angered yet confused Chisaki to no ends.

You laughed. First some supressed giggles but soon errupted on a slaughter that left his face and chest surrounded by a unknown heat.

"What the hell is so funny in the first place?" He hissed while you muffled your laughter with a hand in your mouth.

"G-Geez!" You breathed in "Why should I want something?"

"Is how it works stupid." He growled "Exchange of favors."

"... exchange of what?" You almost squealed while he deadpanned.

"You can't be that dumb."

"Am not! Just because I dont know the meaning of a word yet it doesn't mean I am dumb." You smiled with a eyebrow lifted up, not understanding why this boy's cheeks were so pink.

"Answer my damn question."

"But you didn't asked me any-"

"What the hell do you want?" He almost shouted this time in irritation "Nothing is for free in this world, so stop this already and tell already what you want for defending the yakusa."

You widen your eyes a bit in surprise before extending your arms in a uncaring shrug with a smile.

"Nothing. I want nothing from you, Chisaki-kun."

"What?" He asked in almost disbelief while you giggled and arched a bit your back to look up at him, still on his feet while you were in the chair.

"The yakusa is like a family to you right? You like them as one." You looked a bit down with s frow "Others shouldn't comment on other kids life only because they are from a mafia or different than the 'normal'".

You giggled a bit before looking up at him again.

"I just feel like it. Besides, the yakusa isn't that bad after all right? The owner does raise you and one more kid along after all."

He was... shocked, to say at least. You went there, got dirty and hurt while fighting someone who had no bussines with you, probably going to have some problems with the school and your own family from now on...

And yet... you defended him. And didn't want it.. nothing in return.

Your grandmother's voice broke you two conversations, right when she called you say it you were coming jumping out of your chair and quickly getting to her side.

But before that you turned a but to catch him still looking at you with dumbfounded golden orbs instead of stoic and cold ones.

"Besides!" You chirped with the most sweet and warm smile he swore he never saw on his whole life while you grabbed your granny hand "I like you Chisaki! A lot!" And with those left words you left...

"...huh?" He almost squeaked that out, heart racing in one mile away as his whole body turned into pure heat.

He didn't even complained less noticed Kurono's touch on his shoulder or even attempts to call him out of his frozen state.

The hell you had done with him?

Time skip!

"Let me at him Chisaki Kai. Let me fucking at him." You growled your words, already preparing to throw fists with Rappa without a single hesitation.

"Absolutely not." He growled back, grabbing on your shoulder and yanking you back to him. "Control youserlf idiot."

"Yeah, syas the man who overhauled so many people which I lost count only because they looked wrong or even insulted me for being quirkless." You pouted at him before yelping at receiving a flip on you forehead.

"Is different."

"No is not!" You protested while he only arched a eyebrow.

"Am I quirkless?" You went to answer but he interrupted you again "Do I act before thinking? Do I went to the principal when we were kids because-"

"Oh god okay I get it." You whined before crossing your arms.

He huffed before lowering his mask down a bit, revealing his devilish smirk before he tilted your head up to him with the hand he carried proudly the weeding ring on his finger.

"My fiance should be less careless you know?" He commented while you arched a eyebrow with a smirk.

"With my careless self that I made you fall for me devil. Sure you want to change that?"

"You? Making me fall? Don't make me laugh brat." He kissed your lips before trailing his lips to your earlobe and nibble on them a bit.

"I am the one making this angel fall. Each... night." He chuckled devilish at the shivering you presented and the furious blush that appeared in your face.

"Unfair attack Kai. Unfair."

"Since when the world is fair? I guess it was only..." he brought your hand and touched his lips slightly at the weeding ring in your hand, not even getting worried because after so many years you knew exactly how to clean something properly "When heavens sent me the purest and brightest angel from above."

[thewhitefluffyhat]

No, Alina Isn’t Crazy

Let me explain...

When Alina was first introduced, I thought she was the character that made the least sense as an actual person rather than as a trope-y “mad artist” archetype.  But after the reveal of her backstory, I find her personality and motivations do make sense, especially when you consider the events of Alina’s Magical Girl Story from her perspective.  

Indeed, since that story’s release on JP, she’s quickly risen to become my favorite new character from Magia Record.  Hence why I’m posting this today - it’s another semi-Magia Rapport related post, haha.  Alina is definitely my favorite of the Forest element characters, and perhaps this essay will show a little of why that is.

Provocative title and Magia Rapport aside, though, what’s actually below the "Keep reading” is a close read analysis essay, specifically focused on Alina’s MGS.  (A lot of Holy Alina’s MGS serves to confirm and reinforce little points scattered throughout this too, but this post was long enough without it!)

Introduction

The theme of Alina’s own art might be “Alina’s beauty” and “life, death, and emotion/decay.”  But I would argue that the theme of her MGS as a when taken as a short story is “voyeurism and objectification at the cost of self-identity.”  Specifically, how Alina’s actions and personality are the logical conclusion to that concept taken to an extreme.

There’s one important truth to Alina’s world, and that is the idea that Alina’s art IS Alina.  We see it at the start – when she says her art is what she enjoys and what she grasps with her own hands.  We see it at the end – with her realization that her art’s theme is “Alina’s beauty.”

And at the end of the day, what MGS Alina most seems to want is to be left alone to do art, to be herself.  But who is Alina?

Alina the Teen Prodigy

Unfortunately for Alina, her fame gets in the way of figuring that out.  Such is the life of a teen prodigy.  As perhaps can be expected, constantly parading children under a spotlight is a great recipe for turning out extremely high-strung kids with very warped self-esteem.

(See also: Nemu, but especially Touka.)

The exchange regarding the award here is a good illustration of that mindset.  It might initially seem contradictory for Alina to work desperately hard to win an award that she later doesn’t want and claims she wasn’t aiming to win.  But once being “gifted” becomes central to your identity, winning an award doesn’t feel good anymore.  It feels more like running in place, just the bare minimum expected of you to maintain your identity as a genius.  And Alina’s perfectionism means she can’t not hold herself to that standard.

Indeed, Alina is already showing signs that she’s struggling under the pressure and overexposure.  Normally, Alina seems to love talking about art and her own works (as long as it isn’t about herself, anyway).  Arguing with her teacher and running away are far more of a bother and interfere with her ability to get back to painting far more than a quick meeting would have been.  Yet she curses at her teacher, bolts, and skips school rather than have to deal with the consequences of her fame again.

She’s irrationally lashing out, asserting her boundaries in whatever way she can. And with the way the characters react, this doesn’t even seem like the first time it’s happened, either...

Which suggests Alina’s problems with her fame also aren’t new.  When we first meet her, Alina is already a lot closer to a breakdown than she appears on the surface.

Having natural talent from an early age, Alina probably hasn’t learned how to deal with failure without spiraling into a full blown identity crisis.  As a perfectionist, she’s also hypersensitive to even the slightest mistake.  And given that she’s been famous for a few years at this point, her acting out is practically expected.

Just given the setting that she’s a well-known child prodigy, it’s not surprising that Alina has all these traits.

Alina’s Adults Are Useless

What is a bit disturbing, though, is that adults around Alina aren’t any help in protecting her from her fame.

Indeed, from what we see, the pattern is the opposite - over and over, the supposedly “responsible” adults in Alina’s life say her visibility matters more than her consent.  Her teacher pressures her into competitions she dislikes and then gets on her case when she pushes back.  Her parents put up her whole life story, including photos of her as a kid, without Alina’s approval or even permission. 

Jumping ahead, I think it’s rather telling that Alina manages to destroy all her art, commit suicide, and get rescued by a third party – and none of these adults even visit her.  A popular theory is that Alina’s parents are travelling in a different country.  But - did no one tell them?  Did they not care?  As it is, anything Alina does – even blatant red flags like destroying a classroom and her own art – is treated as just another work of artistic genius, to be advertised and exhibited.  

(Because apparently nothing says High Art like creep shots of a teenage girl having a mental breakdown.)

Of course, Alina isn’t being neglected or abused like Sana or Yuma.  Not even close.  But she’s not in a great situation either.  She doesn’t really have anyone she can turn to in a crisis.  The adults in her life mostly use her for their own ends, reinforcing that her worth is in her fame as an artist, not her value as a person.

Alina’s Peers Aren’t Much Better

Then, on a more subtle level, there are Alina’s peers.  Whenever she’s mentioned by people her own age, she’s either the subject of scary rumors or glowing admiration.  Other kids know her as a celebrity name to be idolized or feared, not a person.  

Before becoming a magical girl, the only person who actually makes an effort to befriend Alina is Karin.  But even she is initially caught up in the aura of Alina’s fame and contributes to the swirl of gossip around her.

The result is a situation where everyone around Alina has their own opinion on who she is.  No one seems to care or leave space for who Alina wants herself to be.  And Alina, not having a social life to fall back on, is increasingly left with “genius artist” as the only means she has to interact with the world.  It’s a self-reinforcing spiral.

The Critic’s Letter

First, what it’s not: this isn’t about Alina getting a bad review and not being able to handle criticism of her work.  She’s already won the competition.  And Alina is perfectionistic to unhealthy levels - she’s already her own worst critic.

Rather, the letter’s insinuations are both subtler and crueler.  As Alina says, the critic isn’t concerned with her artwork - he’s commenting on Alina as a person.   Thus, the critic’s words are the same pattern as before, now crystallized into its sharpest and purest form.

Alina’s internal sense of identity is precariously fragile.  Meanwhile, Alina’s external identity is being used as a canvas for other people’s desires.  Even though all Alina really wants is to create art for her own sake, other people obsess over and dump their own meaning (or lack of meaning) onto her works.

Once again, Alina’s art is conflated with Alina herself.  The person is being evaluated as a piece of art.

As if that wasn’t enough, the letter’s final insinuation that Alina is losing her brilliance is a triple threat.  If she can’t create great art, Alina loses the activity she enjoys most. She also loses the one thing she knows other people value her for.  And worst of all, she loses the only touchpoint she has for her sense of self.

Cue existential crisis.  Alina’s life is Alina’s art.  Alina’s art is Alina life.   Without one, she doesn’t have any concept of the other.  

And in the light of all this, her suicide makes perfect sense. 

Alina’s Suicide

Welcome to the literal and figurative objectification of Alina.  Literal, in that she’s turning into a corpse.  Figurative in that by putting her body up for display, she’s allowing people to voyeuristically consume it –  an idea further reinforced by the “Kusouzu / Nine Phases” reference in the title implying a tinge of sexual objectification as well. 

Now that she’s destroyed all of her previous works, the only thing Alina leaves her audience to look at is Alina herself.  Filming her body as it turns from a person into a dead object was simply the logical conclusion to a life of being displayed, objectified, and overwritten by others’ perceptions.  

But how does Alina feel about this ending?

The day of her suicide, Alina rushes around in a kind of manic euphoria.  This isn’t especially odd.  After all, it’s not uncommon for a suicidal person to outwardly appear happier before they make an attempt, as finally having a concrete plan of action can feel like a huge relief.  

Dying means a solution to Alina’s worries about her talent fading.  Dying also means an end to all the pressure, all the constant struggle of performing to ever-heightening expectations.  Alina can simply abandon the cases and tools once she’s done with them - no need to stress about the future when she won’t have one.

Alina’s farewell, though, betrays darker emotions.  It’s simultaneously deeply spiteful - “this is what you all wanted from me, are you happy now?” - yet also an admission of utter defeat.  Alina is giving up her very humanity and selfhood to be evaluated as whatever her audience wants.

Throughout the story, everyone keeps telling Alina that her art is intoxicating, pulling the viewer into it… but the reality is the exact opposite.  Alina’s art was just something Alina made for herself, and any intoxicating meaning was something the viewer injected into it.  

And thus, Alina’s revelation.  Alina’s theme is “Alina’s beauty” – both a rejection and an embrace of that objectification.  Now, Alina has declared that her art loudly and unabashedly about herself, viewer projection be damned.  And yet, at the same time, since “Alina” is what viewers are obsessed with seeing, then Alina will give them exactly what they want…

An Artistic Failure?

So then why does Alina consider her final art to be a failure?  It fits well within the theme of “Alina’s beauty.”   Indeed, her later works like “Humanity’s Implicit Reward” and even her swimsuit are arguably just softer variations of the “Alina’s body as forbidden yet alluring object for the viewer to consume” idea that is present here.

This suicide also seems to fit into the “life and death” motifs she has.  It’s a twisted kind of resurrection - effectively, she’s killing herself as a human in order to live on eternally as a memorable piece of art.

Alina plans her final work directly because she thinks she’s dying as a creator.  Rather than face her brilliance fading, she chooses to defy it by going out in a blaze of glory.  And when put that way, it’s an exciting and fitting conclusion.  

There’s just one little problem with that narrative...

While drifting between life and death, Alina realizes the critic was wrong.  She had a theme all along.  Alina’s brilliance wasn’t fading.

And thus, since she wasn’t a “dying artist,” her “going out in a blaze of glory” no longer holds any profound meaning.  She’s just a silly teenager who got too worked up over a harsh letter.

The overall concept behind Alina’s last work wasn’t the issue.  The failure was in the timing and execution, killing herself before such a thing had meaning and in a way such that her body would be found.

And so, I don’t think Alina has learned her lesson here.  I don’t think Karin’s words have gotten through to her yet.  If she concludes at a later point that her talent is truly is fading or that she’s lost her theme, I’d fully expect her to pull another suicidal stunt again.

Conclusion

So the good news: Alina lived!  She’ll have plenty more chances to create art and figure herself out!

But the bad news: Alina’s revelation implies she’s now even more reliant on her identity as a genius artist.  

And thus, like so many other characters, the end to Alina’s MGS isn’t really an ending. She hasn’t solved the problem at the heart of the crisis that led to her wish.  Becoming a magical girl and discovering witches does nothing to stop Alina from falling into another identity spiral, nor has she left her suicidal tendencies behind.

Alina found her theme, but she still hasn’t found herself.

Misc Details

Some other neat miscellaneous details that fit with this interpretation:

I’m glad the English translation keeps at least a little of the quirky way Alina refers to herself.  (That being said, in Japanese, it’s even more exaggerated - she doesn’t use normal first person pronouns at all, only using “Alina.” )

Because on the one hand, this is an obvious hint at her extreme narcissism: Alina’s sentences frequently emphasize her name.

On the other hand, it’s a great subtle detail to return to the theme of objectification.  To put it another way, Alina refers to herself in third-person.  That is, even when Alina is speaking about herself, she reflexively frames it from the point of view of another person.  Because Alina is constantly having other people’s perspectives forced onto her!

Also, it turns out the pattern of others projecting onto Alina is present in her witch as well!  “Old Dorothy” is a historical figure whose diaries have been analyzed by multiple different researchers.  Some of them came to the conclusion that Dorothy was definitely a witch, others came to the conclusion she was definitely a normal, upstanding member of her community.  The researchers got completely opposite results from the same exact diaries.  So therefore - did they truly care about learning what Dorothy was really like?  Or were they just out to prove their own theories?

(Two years in, Old Dorothy is even more fitting of a name.  Doroinu basically predicted the entire fan response to Alina.  Some people see her as an evil (w)itch, some people see her as a sympathetic figure - all from looking at the same text.

We’re even starting to see the “two sides” of Alina come up in the Main Story, with Karin’s subplot in Arc 2.)

Meanwhile, Old Dorothy’s form - a “paint tube” - carries both this “paint over with your perceptions” meaning while also suggesting the same story as Alina’s final piece in miniature.  

Unlike Izabel, Alina’s witch form isn’t that of an artist.  Because when Alina hits her lowest point of despair, she no longer considers herself to be an artist.  She believes the only value she has left is to become literal materials to create art.  

In other words, Old Dorothy is Alina turning herself into art again.  It’s just rainbow paint this time instead of red.

Last but not least: yes, I am absolutely aware of the irony of this essay.   Here I am rambling about how Alina’s story is all about her struggle to be herself while everyone seems determined to erase her in favor of their own projections – and yet  a good chunk of this interpretation is probably my projecting on her.   Whoops!

Still, even if you disagree with it, I hope this essay was interesting and maybe made you question some of your assumptions about Alina.  

Thanks for reading!

[ajokeformur-ray]

Hello love,

could I please vent a little bit to you? That would honestly mean so much for me. It's totally alright if not, then please ignore the following!

I want to escape. Escape from my life, from the people around me, from my surroundings and everything I am. I don't know where I want to go to, but I know that I don't want to stay where I'm. I want a place where I can be my 100% purest and most authentic self, without being laughed upon or critisized or pressured. A place, so peaceful that I finally feel free and happy. I'm sick of sadness, desperation, longing and the feeling of being trapped and suffocated. I want to live surrounded by so much love and understanding, where I'm being accepted and appreciated even for my attempt at trying. I know I'm a lot; I'm full of problems, really awkward, totally annoying and exhausting. But I'm not a hopeless waste of time, at least I hope that I'm not. I want to live in harmony, no tears and yelling. I want to be happy, truly happy. Not just happy because I bottle everything I'm and feel up. I want to be ME. I don't want to be a burden, yet I'm. I don't want to annoy people, yet I'm. I don't want to be rude or inconsiderate, yet I'm. I'm trying so hard, every day. I'm fighting to be a better person, every day. But I never change. I'm still me. Forever alone and disappointing the people around me. Sometimes I wish I could just disappear... I don't want to shed any more tears, just because I'm not enough. Maybe trying will never be enough. Maybe I will never be enough. Every day I long to find a place that feels right. A person who is capable of loving me, despite all my weaknesses. A home that calms me down when I feel like losing my mind, like losing myself. A purpose that fills me with happiness and makes me feel content. A place that accepts even someone like me. A place that glues all my broken pieces back together. A place where I don't have to blame myself for everything that is wrong. I just want the suffering to end...

Hello, honey!💕💕💕

You just sent me another ask which mentioned briefly which you’re not feeling well right now, and on the off chance that this vent from a few days ago pertains to that, I’m answering this now. I’m so sorry that you’re not feeling well, my love, and I hope that my response is what you need for it to be in any kind of way.

Due to the length of my response, I have put everything below a cut!💙💙💙

My love, you can always vent to me about absolutely anything. I am here for you and I’ll always do my best to listen to you at the very least. Thank you for reaching out to vent to me, angel, I’m so proud of you and I hope that even one thing I say here will be a comfort to you!💗🥰

Oh, darling. 

First, angel:

(And if you don’t like hugs then please accept a head nod instead! ~ 💙)

I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way and that you’re going through this. When I read this through for the first time, my heart was aching for you. I can relate to and empathise with wanting to escape, angel, and I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing this. Wanting to escape is such a heavy feeling and it’s usually indicative of something not being right somewhere. Take good care of you, my love; body, mind and soul. You deserve to spend time with yourself and to give yourself the things you like. Life’s easier when you’re on your own side.💗

I’m so sorry that you don’t want to stay where you are, angel.😔 You deserve a place, even if that’s just your bedroom, to be yourself, to do as you are and to be as you are without fear of judgement or criticism or any kind of pressure (and you know that our DM thread is a place like that for you, I hope!💖). I’m so sorry that you’re feeling so much, my love. Feeling sad, desperate, yearning and feeling like you’re suffocating are all very heavy and intense emotions and they’re all valid. I’m so proud of you for getting through each day in the ways that you are, though I’m sorry that you’re having to in the first place, honey. You deserve so much better than this and you’re being so strong and brave to face every day in the ways that you are. I can relate and empathise, angel, I feel the same way as far as wanting to be far away from where I am, and it’s incredibly difficult to deal with. 

Is there anything you can change in your life? I don’t mean situations or circumstances, but if you can move something in your bedroom then it may help to freshen things up even a little bit - putting your mug coaster somewhere else or even changing your duvet set or something. Just small changes in your routine or in anything else which is immediate. This is not your forever situation, my love. I know that it’s easier said than believed but all we have is today and all we can control is this literal current moment - so take everything one hour at a time or even a minute at a time, if you need to. Just please look after you. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. You’re such a loving and gentle person and you deserve the entire world and I know that there is more for you than this, angel, whatever this is.

You deserve to be surrounded by love and understanding, acceptance and appreciation and everything else which you desire and I’m so sorry that you don’t receive those things. You are worthy of and deserving of all of these things and more and one day you will have those things. In which case, I hope that it’s in abundance and so much love that you don’t know what to do with yourself, because you deserve the very best of everything. Oh, honey. 🥺 You’re not annoying or exhausting - you are you and you are beautiful and wonderful, tender and loving and a joy to interact with!💖 You’re a dear friend to me and I’m so sorry that you feel this way about yourself. You are enough. You are worthy or and deserving of the things you want the most. You are enough and anyone who says otherwise can go and sit on a cactus. I love you darling. You are not a hopeless waste of time - you exist so therefore you are worthy and you deserve to be loved and there is always hope so long as you are alive, this I firmly believe.

You deserve happiness, love and light and joy and I’m so sorry that you’re going through this and feeling everything that you are, angel. You deserve better and more and I’m sending you so, so much strength. The way that you are naturally in any given moment is everything and you’re an amazing person. You deserve to be you. You’re wonderful. You’re trying, my love, and that’s more than many people can say for themselves - you’re so much more than you know and you’re doing everything that you can and I am so, so proud of you!!!🥰🥰🥰 I’m sending you lots of love, darling, and I want you to remember that trying is enough. I also want you to remember that you are always, always enough. No ifs, buts or maybes about you - you. are. enough.

Hold on, my angel. You’re doing so, so well. Keep your loved ones close, do things for you and take care of yourself and of your body, and know I’m always here for you. You deserve love, a home, purpose, joy and happiness and I’m wishing all of those things for you in abundance. You deserve the world. I’m so so proud of you and I love you and I’m always here for you.

With all my love,

Fawn ~ 💜

[silyabeeodess]

Thoughts on Frisk, Chara, and the Player

Besides what I’ve covered briefly in the description of a comic a few years back, this is long overdue; however, since I might make something focusing on Chara in the future, I decided to go ahead and put down my two cents on these two characters.  Since this is effectively a long essay, I’ll have everything below the cut:

One of the most longstanding debates among Undertale fans is the morality of these characters and their relation to the Player.  Some see Frisk and Chara as effectively polar embodiments of good and evil following the Pacifist and Genocide routes while others see the Player alone as the individual in control of all choices with the two characters bowing to that control.  The truth might be somewhere in the middle.

Let’s cover the most basic thing first.  The Player is you.  Yes, it’s your decisions that take the story in different directions, but you are not a character. You are not a part of the world of Undertale.  You’re an intruder, an outsider, an anomaly--something that the people in Undertale only seem to have a vague understanding of.  Characters like Flowey will break the 4th wall by calling you out for your actions, but it’s often from the idea that you’re still Chara--even if Chara’s own story played out long before you came in.  Chara will ask for your SOUL, but you personally don’t actually sacrifice anything: Even as far as the game’s story goes with the “Soulless Pacifist” route, the most you lose is the time is takes to reinstall the game and play it as you normally would. You can cheat them out of “your SOUL” easily.  They think you’re Frisk.

Most glaringly, however, is that both Frisk and Chara will fight against some of your decisions.  For Chara, you have them not giving you much of a choice with how you end the Genocide route and declaring that you were never in control, amongst other actions like killing Asgore and Flowey. Most people might not notice Frisk’s refusal beyond the fact that we don’t pick their name like we can Chara’s; however, the point where this becomes most clear is during our interactions with Undyne on a Pacifist Run.  When we try to become Undyne’s friend and she insists on fighting anyway after her house catches fire, we have the choice to fight back.  Doing so though results in a weak attack, which Undyne declares as being the result of a lack of will to hurt her.  That isn’t the Player’s decision, and it effectively forces us to spare her whether we want to or not.  

This relationship parallels what we also see in Deltarune, with the Player there also exhibiting control over Kris, but Kris fighting back.  Kris isn’t an empty vessel or puppet for the Player to manipulate, and the same can be said for Frisk and Chara in Undertale. It’s a form of temporary possession, where we--an otherworldly being--take over a host for as long a period as the game’s designers allow. It means that we can’t pin our actions on either Frisk or Chara.  Let’s go back to that second paragraph though.  The other characters don’t really know this, making Frisk/Chara/Kris suffer as a result.      

From a gameplay perspective, this is an awesome idea to tackle. From a story perspective, meanwhile, things get a little complicated.

Here’s the thing about handling it simply as a story: The Player often has to be ripped out of the equation.  Again, you aren’t a character, and the only way the Player can really be present in the world of Undertale is as an OC or persona based on the independent choices of each creator.  Keeping them out means leaving the choices we would normally make 100% up to Frisk/Chara.  Ergo, stop attacking artists and writers for their portrayals of those two when creators have to give them qualities that are entirely up to each individuals ideas and experiences to try and fill in a bunch of blanks.  Beyond Chara’s backstory giving us some information on who they were, which is mostly told to us through other characters, there is no perfectly in-character portrayal of either of them.  

Which I guess brings us to the part where I try explaining my idea of them.  So let’s start with Chara, since again, they have the most background info.

What are some canon points we can cover with Chara?

Asriel describes them as “not the greatest person,” but still cared for them deeply as his best friend. From the recordings in the True Lab, we see they had a good friendship, even if Chara often took a more leading role.

Also according to Asriel, Chara “hated humanity” and had an unhappy reason for climbing the mountain.

It was Chara’s plan to commit suicide, have Asriel take their SOUL, and try to kill humans to break the barrier.

Chara laughed after poisoning Asgore with buttercups. It’s presumed by Asriel to have been an accident, but we don’t know Chara’s knowledge on the situation.

An extended monologue from Asgore has him describe Frisk and Chara as having “the same look of hope in their eyes.”

Asgore considered Chara “the future of humans and monsters.”

They refer to themselves as “the demon who comes when people call its name.”

As of the Genocide route, their goal is the complete destruction of Undertale’s world to join the Player and move on to another. They pin the Player’s actions on their newfound “purpose” to attain power.

Narration in the game is different depending on the route, speaking commonly from a 2nd-person POV on Pacifist and Neutral runs, but 1st-person on a Genocide run. This alludes that Chara is always with us during gameplay.

Chara’s dialogue mimics Toriel’s, hinting to a close relationship following the concepts of mimicry being a form of flattery and a child’s desire to be like a positive adult figure in their lives.

So here’s what I think.  Chara’s hatred toward humanity is supported not only by Asriel’s confession, but also in their actions.  If Chara took control as Asriel described after crossing the Barrier to kill humans and take their SOULS, that willingness to commit murder along with their own suicide indicates not only that general disdain, but also a hefty amount of self-loathing simply for being human.  Whatever happened to them prior to entering the Underground, that hatred was likely only nursed further by knowledge and ideas fed to them from monsterkind: Humans hurt monsters too and monsters are supposedly “made of compassion” while “humans don’t need any.” (They may have even been bullied or faced prejudice for being human, even if it wasn’t from the Dreemurrs, just like how Frisk was constantly attacked on-site.)  This likely led to a monster-centric worldview where all of humanity--and even themselves, to a point--was the enemy.  

I imagine the “Mr. Dad Guy” sweater we find was made by Chara rather than Asriel because of the inclusion of “guy” at the end, since this seems like something more of an adopted child would do than a biological one, maybe not entirely comfortable with the idea yet of calling Toriel and Asgore “Mom” and “Dad.”  I truly do think Chara loved their newfound family and never meant to hurt Asgore: The laugh, while it can’t be confirmed, seemed to be a mark of mental instability rather than something of true malice. With the pressure of being called “the future of humans and monsters” as well, they probably felt like they had to be responsible for humanity’s actions as a whole even if they personally did nothing wrong.  From that perspective, their life--and any other human’s--mattered less than a monster’s, because they had to atone for the crimes of others.  Humanity itself had to atone.  This is why they would be so willing to sacrifice themselves and kill for the sake of breaking the Barrier.

So what happens when the monsters Chara placed on a pedestal start breaking their script?  Asriel stopping Chara from committing murder is one thing: That seemed to be one part of the plan that Chara didn’t tell him about, probably because they knew he wouldn’t agree to it. Beyond that though?  What happens when monsters stop showing that legendary compassion?  Asriel started playing with lives and killed for fun as Flowey.  Asgore declared war against humanity and started killing children.  Toriel left her position as queen and couldn’t protect anyone. Not only was their happy family broken, but monsters started acting like the humans they claimed to be better than through their own “weaknesses” and desire to kill.  They were supposed to be above humanity’s choices, above even Chara’s choices. Vengeance isn’t an excuse anymore: It’s all the same, and it feels like the ultimate betrayal.  

They’re all the same.  Monsters, humans, it doesn’t matter.  It’s an ugly world where only the strong and terrible reign, and it deserves to be destroyed.  There’s nothing left.  There’s no good left.  There’s no hope left... 

Unless, maybe, someone new enters the game. Can they rekindle that hope or will they only prove those dark thoughts right?

In comes Frisk, who we really only know as a blank slate.  We don’t know their history or their desires except to leave the Underground one way or another.   We can’t really say much, so this is where it really is entirely up in the air how we portray them.

A personal headcanon of mine is that they were a bit of a little thief, “frisking” things off of others--which is why we can get G even without killing in the game.  A very morally grey character, fitting the multiple routes Undertale’s story can go and Sans description of them “maybe not being a saint” even if they play as a Pacifist.  Maybe they don’t really know what the right choice always is, but they desire to do their best when possible. 

I can’t say much here because, as I’ve said several times now, it’s up to everyone.  Me?  I like a Pacifist Frisk, even if they struggling and suffer before reaching their happy ending.  Some might have them go through a Genocide route on their own or by Chara’s possession. Some have them with guilt-riddled consciences and others treat them as the purest of souls. Some pick different endings.   

So enjoy your interpretations, your characterizations, and your AUs.  You don’t have to agree with my ideas or anyone else’s: Just don’t bash others for theirs.  Undertale’s gameplay opens things to everyone’s personal experience and should be enjoyed as such. 

[moonyinchaos]

no problem and i would really love to see what you wrote about snape so if its not a problem share

Alright, I’ll put the Keep reading thingy, because I think this will be a long one. If you’re not interested in my opinion on Snape, please, keep scrolling. We can have a constructive argument about Snape as a character, but I won’t ever tolerate character bashing (with the exception of Dolores Umbridge, Peter Pettigrew and Fenrir Greyback). If anyone disagrees with me, I respect that, and I would really like to know why :) 

It’s so funny to write my opinion when someone actually asks for it! So here it is my opinion on Severus Snape... 

I think that Severus Snape is one of the strongest characters; both mentally and magically. Possibly even the strongest one right next to Harry. He is really determined, devoted, self-controlled, but most importantly he is emotional. Of course, he doesn’t show it, but he is really driven by his emotions. The main thing which made him change was his love for Lily. Love is the purest emotion, and I don’t think it was an obsession. His patronus was the same as her, she was something what made him happy, something that protected him. It was just unrequited love, and that happens in real life. But you can’t just push an off button, and stop feeling something for someone. We can see him showing exactly how he feels in some occasions. For instance, when he was mad that Sirius got away at the end of the PoA. Or when he refused to teach Harry occlumency after Harry saw his worst memory. But let’s go back in time for a bit... 

Judging someone according to something they did while they were teenagers, or really young adults is not really fair. But let’s start from his hostility towards the Marauders. It’s completely understandable since they were mocking him all the time, and without any real, valid reason. Even if they did have a reason, bullying is never justified. What James did to Snape in his worst memory is something that can make a serious trauma on a person. He, again, acted on emotions. He was humiliated, frustrated, angry, and he let it out by calling Lily a Mudblood. Was that right? Of course not. Did he regret? I think he did, until the day he died. But, teenagers say a lot of dumb stuff, and should never be judged by that. I would most gladly slap 16 years old self because of some things I said when angry and emotional. And with what he said, he lost the most important person he had in his life. I think that was the worst punishment ever for saying one dumb word. People often mention his invention of Sectumsempra. He invented the powerful spell to keep himself safe. Is it brutal? Yes. Could he kill someone with it? Yes. Did he ever? No by what we find out from the canon. Sirius, who is one of the most loved characters, endangered Snape’ life because of his teenage rashness, and lack of sense for consequences. The fact he literally sent Snape to transformed Remus was more dangerous than any spell Severus invented. Why? Because transformed Remus can’t be controlled, and what he can do cannot be undone. As we saw clearly, Sectumsempra has a counter curse, since Malfoy survived Harry’s experiment. If you’re judging Snape for inventing Sectumsempra, and using it against the Death Eaters to save Remus and George, then Harry is way worse than Snape because Harry used the spell purposely to hurt Malfoy. He could easily kill Malfoy, and then what? All the characters in the whole HP universe did at least one stupid thing, and we can’t judge them just because of that. Because if we do, write out Remus, Sirius, James, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, and many, many others as good characters :)

As we all know, Snape joined the Death Eaters. Kind of expected because, let’s be serious, most of the then Slytherin house did. Peer pressure is a nasty thing + Snape wanted control/power. He was naive to think he’ll get it from Voldemort, but look at all the people that followed Voldemort. Snape was among the smartest there, if not even the smartest one. Was that a mistake? Yes. And again, he did it when he was what 18? As I said before, people do stupid shit when young, and that’s a fact. Alright, he did really, really stupid shit, but it was a moment of naivety. If someone is judging him plainly on that, remember what Sirius said about the world, people and the Death Eaters :) From the moment he realised what he did when he told Voldemort about the prophecy, Snape did everything in his power to make up for that. He risked his life in various occasions, he lied to one of the most powerful wizards ever, who can read minds, torture, and kill people just for fun. But he did that for years. Snape always did exactly what Dumbledore told him to do, and even killed him, knowing that the deed will make him an enemy number one in the eyes of the Order. But he did that with a higher purpose, and on Dumbledore’s order. If Order wasn’t so judgy towards Snape, maybe they would know about this plan, and they would handle it better. Snape was a Death Eater for what, a couple of years, but he spent seventeen years trying to redeem himself for what he’s done. You can at least respect that. As my best Skyrim friend Paarthurnax wisely said “What is better? To be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?” :)

The only thing I can’t justify is his teaching methods towards a particular group of students. We never see Snape teaching a bunch of Hufflepuffs or Ravenclaws, so we don’t really know what was he like in those classes. He is a mastermind with potions, and has a potential to be a great teacher. I don’t justify his behaviour towards Harry & co., and never will. His teaching methods were questionable at best, but lets take a look on who he “bullied” as a teacher. 

Harry - son of a man who bullied him, and a woman he loved. The Chosen One. The Boy Who Lived. It occurred to me that maybe Snape didn’t want Harry to forget what was important in life, and since Snape grew stronger from being treated poorly, maybe he wanted to do the same effect with Harry. I think he didn’t like Harry in particular, but I don’t see him as having bad intentions in long term. Nothing comes served in life, and I guess that was Snape’s point. Teen James was pretty spoiled, and vain, so maybe Snape didn’t want Harry to turn into teen James. 

Ron - Ron was to Harry what Sirius was to James. In Snape’s eyes, the same thing, and he deserves to be treated the same. Still, can’t be justified. 

Hermione - I guess she really did remind him of Lily. The fact that Snape didn’t want to hear anyone call Hermione a Mudblood tells us all. Emotions got the best out of Snape in this one, since he obviously couldn’t really control them. 

Neville - a soft kid who needed some strengthening for real. Well, not really in that way. Snape’s treatment was just too much. Was the fact that Neville was terrified of him good? No. But Neville got stronger, and learned to stand up for himself. And don’t forget, the prophecy could easily be about Neville, and if it was, then Lily wouldn’t be dead. 

As I said before, I don’t support his teaching methods, and can’t justify them because it was his choice to act like that, when he could easily be someone better than that. And that is the only thing I don’t understand about him. Maybe Dumbledore told him to be nasty :’D And of course he was biased to Slytherin. I think that doesn’t need any arguments. I would love to see what Snape was like when teaching young Ravenclaws or Hufflepuffs because I’m sure he wasn’t that bad. Strict? Sure. Snarky? Always. But I highly doubt he treated Cedric, or Padma Patil, like he treated the students I mentioned. 

To conclude this, I think the anti-Snape fandom need to at least respect what he did because the man did some great things, and he was one of the main links in a chain that led to Voldemort’s downfall. Voldemort who was deceived by Snape. And as far as we know, Severus Snape is the only person in this world who did that long term (kudos to Narcissa Malfoy for lying to Voldemort’s face)! You don’t have to love, or like him, but he doesn’t deserve the bashing he gets. He deserves respect. I made him close to Gwen, my OC, to show the softer side of Snape. The emotions he hides, and how he is surely capable of them. I made him mentoring Gwen to show how he has a potential to be a great teacher. And I have a great plans for Snape in my fic because he, as a character, really gives an opportunity to make an interesting story :)