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A Recipe for Grief
With shaky hands he crushes the chunks of still-too-cold butter into the sugar, impatient for the taste of it. It’s a gift, his mom’s chocolate chip cookie recipe that has no recipe. He can’t write it down, it’s made of handfuls and feelings. It tastes just right. Tastes just like the memories of tall kitchen counters and the smell of cheap vanilla extract. Of the excitement of creation, and the sweet reward of the work.
His mom is still here, in the other room. But today he’s letting the grief creep in as he mashes a fork through the slowly melting butter. He knows he doesn’t have the memory like her, to keep this recipe alive. He knows he has no one to pass it down to, no one to teach by showing the handfuls and speaking the feelings. He knows there isn’t a lot of time before she can’t correct his mistakes with it anymore.
The words “pregame grief” pop into his head, and he laughs a little as he cracks the eggs. His whole life has been pregame grief, one batch of cookies at a time. He knew what the threat of death was when he was five, knew there was an inevitable end to the familiar. To the safe and comfort of old, green sweaters and chocolate chip cookies. Predictable as the sliver of eggshell that always makes its way into the dough.
Maybe it’s a gift. Learning early on that that one and only person could be gone at any moment. Maybe it steadies the hands when you get the news that the end is predictable, written down like everyone else’s recipes. Maybe it keeps you up at night, trying to find ways to re-write the measurements. Ways to avoid burning when you have to bake them. Trying to find ways to let it go, and let the science and time do their work.
But letting it go is hard. Measuring with your heart when your brain tells you that’s too many chocolate chips. Letting go says the whole bag, why not? Life is short. Life is short, but it’s coming together now and forming something cohesive. The wet and the dry. The whole bag of chips, she says from the other room. It’s a gift.
#mother’s day#poetry#grief#mom’s cookies#tw: death#tw: terminal illness#memory loss#tw: food#hey mom#I’ve noticed things are getting worse#faster than we expected#and you shrug it off like you always do#just tired#not enough sleep#need more fresh air#and maybe it is those things#but maybe it’s the other thing#that you got diagnosed with last year#that I stay up late trying to plan for and around and fix and make better#even when I know I can’t#and I can’t talk about it with you#you won’t let me#and that’s ok I know why#but I wish I could remember your cookie recipe
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Whoever conceived and animated this moment, I hope they're doing well and thriving. This is S-rank romance stuff here.
#the ship overall is C to A tier#but it's things like THIS that push it up toward the A#titan ae#titan a.e.#cale#akima#it just...#starts with them chilling together being comfortable in each other's space#that would be enough that's a point there#then she goes and HANDS HIM THE SANDWICH SHE'S EATING#sharing their food#that's another one#and she does it because his hands are busy so he can't feed himself#so that's a third point#and she does it WITHOUT LOOKING AT HIM which is a FOURTH point#and he bites into it without request or invitation so that's a FIFTH point#and then he TAKES THE WHOLE SANDWICH AND GULPS IT DOWN LIKE A LIZARD#which is a SIXTH point#and jumps it up to SEVEN because she pulls her fingers free and finally looks at him and yells at him#IT'S A SEVEN-POINT ROMANCE COMBO#do you know how utterly rare those are?#those are generally earned through KISS scenes where the hands move and the heads touch and maybe there's a spin#they achieved a seven-point romance combo by SHARING A SANDWICH#fixing machines and sharing lunch URRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHH
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10 years later
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#itafushi#itafushikugi#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#least heterosexual group photo ive ever drawn tbh#u have the kings of subtle pda and their judgy lesbian third wheel#this does remind me a lot of the kind of art i used to do jhgdjghdfj#specifically that one furuba main trio piece i did forever ago. same vibe better art#anyway......i tried my best........ i tried so hard#i do not know how old they look . the goal was 25/26 but atp i've gaslit myself into thinking they look the same#especially megumi im so . throws hands in the air in defeat#but idk what else i can do cries at least i like it??? i think???????#i don't know!!! if they look younger than 25 whatever!!!!!!!!#why is it so hard fr me to make chars look older im gna slam my head against the door#maybe its fine. idc <- (lie)#in other news itfs are married fight me abt it . yuuji rockin the right hand ring fr Lack Of Finger reasons#also i am Eating nobara's fit . she might also look a bit younger than intended the more i look at her gDI why cant i have nice things#new hairstyle carrying tbh. i think she would a. grow it out and b. switch the side she parts it on to make Seeing easier#god just take it all tht really matters 2 me is low pony nobara and Rings On Fingers itfs#i did my time in yoi i know how to make wedding bands Work
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the baby has one parent's little face marking thing and the other's coat because they're a little horse family the world is a beautiful place
#☆#might become really obsessed with horses i'm not sure yet#maybe specifically mustangs and other feral horses... They intrigue me deeply#update i've been informed the thing is called a blaze but i just described it instead in the alt text bc i think clarity matters more than#erm. specificity??#also sorry if i don't know what colour the horses are. someone tell me if u like i like this stuff#🐯#domestic horse (equus ferus caballus)#equid#juvenile#top
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Being a “Fun Fact !” kind of autistic is all fun and games until you get halfway through sharing an interesting tidbit and realize that it probably wasn’t appropriate to share in polite company and now you have to deal with the consequences :(
#autism#neurodivergent#adhd#fun facts#GOD I’m such an idiot#anyways now a 10 year old is out there looking up swear words online and it’s all my fault :(#I got so excited by the fact that I knew a fun fact#that I didn’t stop to think that maybe not everyone knows that fun fact for a reason :(#it’s like explaining how to successfully bury a body at a book club#or explaining the dangers of Scientology to your sister’s boyfriend the first time you meet him#or debating gay sex positions with your best friend in front of your mom#no matter how much I wish to be a beacon of knowledge in this world#sometimes there are things others just don’t want to know#and consciously that’s valid but the autism ? I does not care
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buckle up lads we're going BACK INTO THE BOOK
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#(the origin of halloween huh) (oooh)#why yes i did wake up way too early to watch the stream and will have no memory of drawing this later#anyway THE MAGIC BOOK IS BACK TO EAT US ONCE AGAIN!!!!#this does make things make a lot more sense if it doesn't have to. y'know. actually take place in the established world#like how jack and sally are apparently just gonna be THERE as themselves WHY NOT#i'm certainly not complaining mind you#scully looks like he's gonna be super adorable and i love him already#spooky scary skeleman who just goes :O a lot and is excited for halloween#he seems like he might actually be more of a fusion of jack and sally? or maybe i'm just reading too much into it#still getting jazzy vibes off of him though. is not scully j graves an incredible jazz musician name.#does this open up the possibility that the last time we went into the book there was a sexy anime boy stitch just offscreen the whole time#...maybe some things are best left uncontemplated#god everyone in this event looks fantastic i'm so glad i saved up some keys after all#a little sad that there's no lilia but you know what the fact that a halloweentown malleus exists is still pretty dang good#and sebek's hat is SO tall#the biggest hat for the loudest boy#i hope oogie is here too i need him and jamil to meet#i need jamil to be faced with a guy who's just a bunch of bugs standing on each other's shoulders in a trenchcoat#i am not coherent right now i just needed to get this out before i go pass out again
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It wasn’t supposed to be a secret.
If you died while with the league, you will no longer be acknowledged to have existed, especially if you died during a mission. A disappointment will not be remembered.
The bats and birds don’t like speaking about the people they have lost, so they don’t. If someone ask about the dead, they will tell the person they don’t talk about that.
So how was Damian supposed to know that he should have told his father about his dead brother?
#dpxdc#dcxdp#danny and damian are siblings#demon twins#or#older brother Danny#a dead brother#who is not as dead as everyone was led to believe#but that's not the main focus right now#Bruce is angry at Damian for not telling him about his other son#Damian is rightfully confused#all his life the dead were not to be acknowledged#if you died you might as well have never existed at all#so Bruce has only himself to blame#(and obviously the maternal side of Damian's family tree)#especially if he dismissed Damian's questions about his parents in the past#but how did they come to know about Danny?#good question!#maybe a summoning#planned by the JL or a cult thing#or he is a new JLD member#Batfam on a road trip and they happen to stop in AP#Danny goes to college in Gotham and people who want PHDs get monitored#take your pick#there are a lot of possibilities#CreatureWrites
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no more fan-ta-sizing about it! everything's already changed~
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#figueroth faeth#riz gukgak#adaine abernant#fabian seacaster#gorgug thistlespring#kristen applebees#fh class quangle#my! class swap thing! I guess this is like the poster for it now#got overinvested and finished it properly instead of winging it lol#in closeup order: cleric!gorgug; bard!riz; rogue!fabian; sorcerer!kristen; barbarian!fig; artificer!adaine#this one does have the harpoon gun I'd give fabian during sophomore year but literally only figured out for this piece lol#I like how it looks tho Im glad I hashed it out#thinking abt power armor adaine a lot tbh... she has the transhumanist audacity. she's villain-adjacent enough#to attempt unspeakable acts of body improvement#(its funny bc to wear a rig like that would Also demand a certain level of physical strength from you)#also yeah this is the thing with riz holding a megaphone that got me considering#its fun! it fits the aesthetics! maybe it'd grant him range for bardics#maybe he gets to keep that Im just not sure how he'd carry it around lol#fig gets to have all of her makeup... I like almost never remember to draw it usually kdsjfhdjk listen. I just forgor#I always forget makeup is real#also dont ask me what's in kristen's thermos it Is usually tea but you truly never know#sometimes its soup. it can be lighter fluid. soap perhaps. hot chocolate#also if u come knocking on my door abt kristen's somatic in this piece: I wont be home#she gets to be gross especially bc shes funny and 17yo and gay. we give it to her#okay I. whoo I should lay down. finally I can move on to other things#cheers! wahoo. yahha perhaps
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Ludovica and Sausage I mean Luck (gif version:)
#artists on tumblr#animation#tiger tiger#ludovica bonnaire#l. luck. sausage. they're impossible to tag in the wider scheme of things just roll with it#fanart#GO READ TIGER TIGER IT'S SO GOOD AND INSPIRING#there are other panels I'd like to animate for funsies but. Maybe after I do some other stuff first LMAO#animation takes ten years this is the curse#edit: GIF LOOKS NIGHTMARISH ON MOBILE SO UHH HAVE THE VIDEO TOO#pic
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have realized that while i am not a fan necessarily of "people meet and immediately fall in love" i am a fan of "people meet and are immediately obsessed with each other." the love can come later but the absolute fixation should be immediate
#important text posts#about me#vegaspete and xuexiao in particular come to mind#it's the 'how unhinged does this look from the outside' question maybe#if it just looks like two people hitting it off and being cute together right away then eh not my thing#if it looks like two people who have suddenly zeroed in on each other in a way that makes others go 'oh that doesn't seem good'#i'm there baby
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Great news for uninsured adults in the USA who want a COVID-19 booster! It now appears that ALL CVS locations are now active participants in the Bridge Access Program. The Bridge Access Program gives out free Covid-19 vaccinations to 18+ adults who otherwise can't afford one, so if you have a CVS near you, please go get one! For others who don't have a CVS near them, please go to vaccines.gov, click on "Find Covid-19 vaccines", fill out which vaccines you prefer (you can mix different vaccines if you have to so i reccomend just marking all of them for the age groups you need), and when the next page loads mark the "Bridge Access Program Participant" option to see only locations that are Bridge Access Program participants. Hopefully, other places that aren't CVS will start participating soon, so just check back every so often to see if there are any updates. The CDC Bridge Access Program website also has more details on what locations will be participating, but only CVS is appearing as an active participant on the vaccines.gov location finder at the moment.
#covid19#covid#coronavirus#vaccines#covid vaccine#bridge access program#CDC#signal boost#please share#coronavirus vaccine#covid19 vaccine#covid 19 vaccine#novavax#moderna#pfizer#also interesting side note but i havent been able to find any vaccine other than novavax near me#perhaps this is just a regional thing or maybe novavax is cheaper to make so those are the most common?#anyway thats why i made sure to tell people its okay to mix up because im going to have to bc i got moderna every other time lol#mayyybe other vaccines will become available in the future??? but ive had close family catch covid left and right so im not waiting#also does anyone know why the bridge program only bridges access to 18 or older individuals?#like i knew the gov didnt care about children but god damn lmao
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you put up with what you think you deserve, and the things you want you resent
#baldur's gate 3#wyllstarion#I've been completely normal about wyll and astarion for about 2 weeks. maybe more#if you read the things they say about each other canonically you would be too#f
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brennan lee mulligan has to do comedy with that name bc he was born too late to be a presidential assassin
#only two options#well acting also. does he act?#he has certainly done improv and tabletop acting but has the guy been in other types of Production?#idk shit about him i dont watch dropout#just squirrelly things#edit as of july 13th: mkay maybe ''too late'' isnt exactly right
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Liam was a boy, and then a man, who suffered so much trauma and pain. He was bullied as a child and then lived a nightmare that I think none of us can really imagine of having that triggering experience replicated on a literally global public scale. He became a man who inflicted trauma on others. He was an addict who was unable to find a way out of that disease, and now never will, but who was open and vulnerable about his struggles. He was an incredibly talented musician and artist and an absolutely integral part of one of the most important bands of a generation; his voice and songwriting and skill in the studio shaped every aspect of what One Direction became at their best. He loved that band and being a part of that experience with his whole being and would never have stopped celebrating what they meant to us and to the world. He had problems and did bad things; that doesn't mean he was a bad person who didn't deserve to be loved and helped to heal- everyone deserves that- and the fact that that's not something that can ever happen now is devastating. I was very distressed by many of his actions; and I cared deeply about this man I didn't know and wished for better for him than this outcome.
I'm so deeply, deeply SAD tonight. I'm sad for Liam, who will never now have the chance to look back on this hard time and reflect on how far he's come, and for Liam's family, for his parents and his sisters who loved and supported him so much, and for everyone in the 1D band family and circles. And I'm sad for us. It feels like nothing will ever be quite the same, and that's hard and sad and shocking. It's a special kind of doubled grief, to mourn the loss of the person, and also of what he meant to us in this strange world of parasocial fanning, for the real him and also for the version of him that we made up and attached so much meaning to and for the escape that brought us. For him, and also for the easy uncomplicated joy of listening to those beautiful songs from happier times, which might never feel the same again. For the other boys, who we love so much and wish we could shield from suffering and loss and pain. For our fellow fans, who we also worry about the impact of this on. Everything about this is terrible, and I am sending so much love out to all of you. We are not alone, and it's okay to feel complicated emotions and it's okay to mourn and it's okay to care about how it effects you and your life, whatever you're feeling- it's okay. We are here with you. We are 1D family.
#liam#is there any point to this? other people are saying plenty of things#maybe there are enough things#but idk#liam or liams team were the closest this blog every came to any of the boys... things happened more than once#that I was like oh shit they're reading these posts#it made me feel extra close to him and it made me feel like I wanted to say something#but he'll never check his mentions again now#whats the point#I'm just SAD#but here's one more post to add to the mix anyway. Liam you were difficult- but you were loved#you were bullied in a nearly unimaginable way but you were also loved on a scale that is nearly incomprehensible#anyway#hi everyone#miss you love you#this is an ot5 blog always#I may not always like or support the choices they make; but they are always family yk?
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the chain but on a scale of who says hooray yippee and wahoo
is this anything.
#linked universe#linkeduniverse#in my HEART i believe that legend is a yippee guy but he hides as a hooray or a wahoo perhaps maybe a little woohoo here and there#yays wees yahoos and other similars dont count here on the big scale cause thats not the game!!!#lu time#lu twilight#lu legend#lu wild#lu warriors#lu sky#lu hyrule#lu wind#lu four#my art#HEY ALSO? HOW THE FUCK DOES JOJO REMEMBER TO ADD IN ALL THE EMBROIDERY DETAILS. I HAD TO RESAVE LITERALLY EACH OF THESE MORE THAN ONCE B#BECASUE I FORGOT A THING DETAILS#I STRAIGHT UP FORGOT WINDS LOBSTER. HIS LOBSTER!!!!!#also four's embroidery?? congrats to anyone who can but girl im not drawin all that#im not actually complaining the details are very good my memory is just dogshit
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reblog and tag ur answer so I can see please :)
#hello first ever poll how did I do#I know this is kind of a wild spread I wanted to pick things that are maybe less accessible today/have more historic precedence I guess ??#I also only picked foods I was already familiar with / was able to find firsthand historical accounts of#cause I didn’t want to fuck anything up lol#for the record I’m between Roman and tang dynasty#anyways#mike makes polls#mike speaks#I also wanted them to be like a normal/ popular meal that would be eaten by most folk regularly#other than the Abraham Lincoln one lmao
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