Tumgik
#but my mom just goes ‘I can’t do this right now. I can’t deal with your stuff right now’ and walks out
willowfey · 1 year
Text
starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
45 notes · View notes
knightoflove · 9 months
Text
Do you ever have someone say something to/about you and go ‘yeah this is gonna stick around for a while’
2 notes · View notes
stevieschrodinger · 1 month
Text
Part One Fifteen
Steve’s left bloody smears on the tiles, but the bleeding does seem to have turned a little more sluggish; he’s too frightened now to pull his sock away, he’s pretty sure it’s stuck to the wounds where the blood has started to crust over.
From the floor, Steve manages to reach up for the phone, it rings nearly a dozen times, but Steve persists. He knows Hopper will assume it’s an emergency.
Steve hates doing this, but he definitely can’t drive. Just the thought of making it to the car on his own makes him cringe, and the dull, thudding pain is radiating out to the rest of his foot.
“Hopper.”
“Hop. Sorry. I think I need some help.”
“On my way.”
The doctor frowns at Steve spectacularly, “a raccoon?”
“I know, wild right?”
“So that means he definitely needs a tetanus,” Hopper says unhelpfully from where he’s perched on the other side of the treatment room. He’s got a coffee in a Styrofoam cup and an unlit cigarette hanging from his mouth.
Steve hisses as the doctor uses some saline to loosen the sock, peeling it away from the wound, “I’ll give you something to numb the area, and then it will need some stitches. An x-ray might-”
“Nah,” Steve interjects, “stitch me up, I need to get home.”
The doctor has that look on her face again. From the other side of the room, Hopper sighs, “I’ll be back in a bit.”
Steve can hear El and Eddie from where he’s standing in the kitchen. El’s been teaching him stuff again; today she’s taught him the ABC song. They rush through when they get to the ‘LMNOP’ part, making Steve smile.
“Okay Steve, we’re ready!” El shouts for him from the next room, and Steve goes in.
The furniture's been moved out of the way, Eddie lying on his back in the middle of the room. He’s laying on a white sheet, the long point of his tale stark black against the material. Next to his hip, there’s a pair of legs. They stand perfectly fine on their own, disembodied, rounds of flat pale skin on top, where they end at the thighs.
Eddie looks over smiling, “oh good, you’ve brought it.”
Steve looks down. In his hand he’s holding a saw.
Steve wakes, flailing. He’s gasping for air, trying to orientate himself. Panicking.
He’s sitting. It takes him a few confused seconds, but it all comes flooding back. Fuck, his neck hurts, and his back.
Just a dream he thinks on repeat to himself. Just a dream just a dream just a dream.
His foot. His foot is still up on the coffee table, “Steve, come on, it’s okay. You’re okay.”
“What,” he manages to croak out.
“Here, drink this,” Robin hands him a half glass of tepid water, Steve downs it, “you had a nightmare.”
There’s a towel and a bag of peas draped over Steve’s ankle; trying to cool the area. Keep the swelling down, or whatever. The peas are melted now, the bag sagging in either direction with the weight of the mush inside.
The sight of it makes a sob catch in Steve’s chest, it comes out in a huge shudder, and Steve’s only vaguely worried he’ll never be able to walk the frozen isle in the store again. That he will cry spontaneously every time someone offers him a pear.
“When did you get here?”
“Mom dropped me off, Hopper wanted someone to watch you. He’s going to go check on El.”
Steve’s head feels muzzy. Too much has happened. They didn’t get home until the early hours, and Steve’s blinking in the full light of day that’s streaming into the lounge. “Where is he now?”
“Back yard.”
That takes a second to process, “no.”
Steve pulls his foot down, wobbling as he stands, leaving the towel and peas abandoned, “Steve, hang on.”
The dressing and stitches feel like they’re pulling as Steve takes a few tentative steps, the whole end of his foot feels like it’s burning, Steve moves until he can see Hopper; he can see him from the back, he’s smoking and looking down into the pool.
“Robs, get him away from there, please. Please.”
“Okay, okay,” she says, holding her hands out like she’s dealing with a skittish animal, she goes to the door, opening it and calling, “Hopper, he’s up!”
Hopper comes back in, dropping the end of his cigarette and stamping it out with his boot on his way in, “kid, are you sure he went into the pool?”
The implication of Hopper's question has Steve’s moving before he can really think about it, Robin calling after him that he’s got nothing on his feet, that it’s cold out. Steve ignores her. He has to walk funny, keeping all his weight on his heel on the left foot, but he makes it work. He sees why Hoppers asking; the water of the pool is opaque white.
It looks like the whole thing is filled with milk.
Hopper leaves to go and check on El. Steve’s glad, he did cause Hopper to have to leave her in the middle of the night, and that’s not fair on El, she might be worried.
Steve’s had maybe a couple of hours sleep on the couch, passing out when they got back from hospital. “You don’t have to do that,” he tells Robin; she’s scrubbing at the bloody smears Steve’s left on the kitchen tile.
“It’s fine, and it’s not like you’re in any condition to do it. What the fuck Steve, Hopper said he bit off two toes??”
Steve looks down at where the dressing’s covering his foot, “yeah.” Robin sits back on her haunches, bloody rag in hand, glaring. “He said that...if he eats Demogorgon, then that’s what he becomes. And if he eats Demodog, he becomes one of those so…”
“So you let him eat some of you instead? Because that’s the sane response-”
“I love him, Robs.”
She sighs, “I figured.”
Robin spends most of the day. She talks him into eating some toast; he balks at the thought of soup. Steve takes his pain killers and his antibiotics under Robins close supervision. They have the TV on, and Steve sleeps more.
She tells him to come away when he spends too much time staring out of the window.
Robin has to go that evening; she only does because Steve swears on everything she can think of that he will be fine. He will eat some eggs. He will take his pills. He’s not a complete invalid.
Robin leaves him after what is probably a ten minute hug, and a promise that she will sell Keith on Steve’s 'family emergency.'
The eggs are sitting heavy in Steve’s stomach when he hobbles outside. He managed to get a sock on over his dressing, but couldn’t bare the thought of anything else pressing on his wound, so he goes out like that. Just in socks.
He has a coat on at least, and takes the blanket, knocking snow off a pool lounger and moving it to the edge of the pool so he can sit with his feet up, wrapped in the blanket. The water still hasn’t frozen; but it is darker than it was. It’s turned a sort of pale mucky brown, like someone's mixed some dirt in.
Or chocolate milk.
Steve sits, and he waits, and he cries quietly.
Eventually the cold gets too much, and he heads back inside to try and sleep on the couch.
Steve stares blankly at the unlit Christmas tree, and considers dragging the thing outside and setting fucking fire to it.
He hasn’t cried since he woke up, which is a new current record, and he doesn’t understand where the anger has come from...but he thinks he might prefer it. It’s not fair. Nothing about this is fair, and it fills Steve with a rage he doesn’t think he’s ever experienced before.
Hopper sits opposite Steve, leaning forward, his hands dangling loose between his knees, and Steve knows that this is Hoppers ‘I’m trying to be kind, or sympathetic, or understanding face,’ Steve also knows he’s not going to like whatever is about to come out of Hopper's mouth and he’s already angry about it.
“Kid, I really think we should drain the pool.”
“No.”
Hopper takes a deep breath, “son,” and that one word fills Steve with a rage so complete he feels utterly still. Utterly calm. He’s completely empty, in that moment, except for the rage, “if we don’t, his body will rot into the water, and if you want to be able to bury him? Then-”
“Out.”
“-what?”
“Out,” Steve stands, and he speaks calmly and levelly, “get out of my house. Right now.”
Hopper doesn’t stand, he spreads his hands in a non threatening gesture, “El says she’s can’t feel him, kid, he’s gone-”
“Get the fuck out of my house!” Steve screams at him, suddenly full to brimming, his hears his pounding, breaths sharp, “I said get out!”
Hopper sighs. He looks at Steve with...pity on his face, but he gets up, and he leaves.
The water is so dark now it looks nearly black. Murky and shitty. There are black, choking vines growing up the inside of the tiles; clinging to the sides of the pool. Some of them are long enough to creep up over the edge, like The Upside Down is bleeding into Hawkins again. Steve is reminded viscerally of Barb Holland, and he hates it.
The phone is ringing. Steve ignores it until it stops.
It makes him itchy, ignoring the phone. It’s too ingrained in him that something could be wrong. It’s an emergency. The kids might need him.
It starts ringing again; Steve answers it this time, but only as a preventative measure. If he doesn’t answer it, whoever it is might show up, and Steve would really rather not right now.
“Hey, Steve.” Robs is uncharacteristically quiet. Reserved. “So...it’s Christmas tomorrow and, I know you said you didn’t want to come for the day but...what about in the evening? Just for a little bit?” She asks, hopefully. “Mom says we can save you some leftovers, you know.”
“Yeah...yeah, that’s really kind and everything Rob...” Steve trails off scrubbing at his face. He’s got a fair bit of stubble going on, and he only showered this morning because even he could pick up on the fact that he stank.
She sighs quietly, “have you been eating? Taking your meds?”
“I...yeah. Some. And finished the antibiotics.”
“Good. That’s good. You want me to come over then?”
“Uhm. No. No that’s fine you, you should have a nice Christmas with your family, okay? We can talk after.”
“Steve…”
“I know, Robs, I know, but I’ll be fine,” Steve tells her with a confidence he doesn’t feel.
“Okay, well, I’ll call tomorrow. Love you, Dingus.”
“Love you too Birdie.”
There are thick black vines growing up the legs of Steve’s pool chair; he ignores them. He climbs into position, wrapping himself in his blanket. He has a beer, his pills are finished now, so he can’t see the harm.
“I had a shower Eds, sure you’re pleased to hear that. Took the dressing off my foot, and it looks fine, you didn’t hurt me, not really.” Steve tacks on, “not ow,” out of habit.
Steve sips his beer, pulling the blanket tighter around his legs, and not thinking about Eddie's tail doing the same, “I’m supposed to have an appointment to get the stitches out, but it’s not until like the twenty seventh, or something, you know, everything being shut for Christmas. Which is tomorrow, by the way.”
Steve sighs, “anyway, I probably won’t go, it really doesn’t look so bad now, I think I could get them out with nail scissors and some tweezers, so I might just do that.”
Steve sips his beer, watching the laden pale clouds scud along overhead, “I think it might snow again, that’d be nice, right? White Christmas and all that stuff.”
Steve sighs again, and quietly admits, “I think you would have really liked Christmas. You get like, gifts and stuff-”
There’s a frantic splash in the pool, Steve’s up as quick as he can, fighting with his blanket, his beer bottle falling, forgotten, and rolling away on the tiles, getting caught on a vine.
Steve’s flooded with adrenaline, heart beating so fast, he doesn't register the chill as he scrambles up, stepping to the edge of the pool.
Eddie’s on the steps, he’s covered in so much slime and shit from the pool it's hard to see him, but Steve doesn’t care how dirty it is, he’s knee deep and helping to haul Eddie out the rest of the way.
He has no hair; but he does have legs, and he takes a stumbled step with Steve before collapsing to the ground. He can’t breathe, he’s bent over, on his hands and knees, choking. Steve’s lifeguard first aid training kicks in before he can really think about it; fueled by adrenaline, he braces Eddie with an arm about his middle, then using the palm of his hand he delivers one hard upward blow between Eddie’s shoulder blades.
Eddie splutters, but there’s nothing, so Steve does it again. Suddenly, like a seal has been broken, Eddie coughs up what might be nearly a pint of fluid, yellow and green and streaked with pink blood, it splatters loudly on the ground.
Eddie drags in a huge breath; it might be the most beautiful sound Steve’s ever heard.
They collapse down again, Eddie shivering like crazy, his teeth chattering; Steve grabs his blanket, covering Eddie. He’s naked and covered in gross shit, completely hairless, and has long gangly legs. Steve doesn’t pay attention to any of it really. Just Eddie. Eddie’s here.
He smells fucking awful, but Steve doesn’t care, Steve bundles him up and pulls him close, “Eddie, are you okay?”
Eddie blinks, his eyes crusted with gack from the pool, pink and puffy and sore looking around the lids, the whites bloodshot to fuck, his voice a raspy mess, the words broken by how violently his teeth are chattering, “Eddidie good bad.”
Steve bursts into tears.
Part Seventeen
569 notes · View notes
solarmorrigan · 1 year
Text
“Oh shit, what’s wrong?”
Steve watches, horrified, as Eddie reaches up with his free hand to swipe at the moisture gathering beneath his eyes.
“Nothing, man,” Eddie croaks, and Steve doesn’t believe him for a moment.
“Did I hurt you? Is the bandage on wrong? Too tight?” Steve becomes aware as he speaks that he’s all but clutching Eddie’s hand in his own and makes a conscious effort to loosen his grip.
This only seems to make things worse; Eddie makes a noise of protest and grabs more tightly to Steve’s hand and then looks twice as mortified as before, and that’s not at all what Steve wants.
Changing Eddie’s bandages is a goddamn ordeal; there are so many of them, and they seem to be everywhere, and Eddie doesn’t have the good drugs anymore, just Tylenol, and he’s always exhausted and sore by the end of it all. Steve doesn’t want to make him feel worse.
He would start fixing it, if he only knew what he’d done.
“Eddie,” he says softly, “please tell me what’s wrong.”
Eddie shakes his head, swiping under his eyes again. “It’s seriously nothing, it’s stupid. It’s just…” he hesitates, and Steve squeezes his hand encouragingly. “It reminded me of my mom, what you did, with the little – like, the little kiss on the bandage when you finished putting it on. She used to do that.”
“Oh – shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, like, overstep, or–”
“You didn’t–”
“I thought it would make you laugh or something, not drag out some sad memory, and–”
“Steve,” Eddie cuts in more firmly, “you didn’t. I’m not fuckin’ sad, it just – kinda hit me weird. That’s all.”
Steve purses his lips, staring up at Eddie from the kitchen floor, where he’s been kneeling in order to work at the bandages. He’s not sure if he should get out of Eddie’s space now, maybe give him a minute to himself, because Eddie is still holding onto his hand, and Steve still has another bandage to change out, and then Eddie rolls his eyes at him.
“Stop looking at me like you ran over my dog, man. I swear to god, I’m fine. It was kinda nice, actually, alright?” Eddie huffs. “Like, I forgot about that, until you did it, so it was– it was kinda nice.”
“Oh,” Steve says.
“Yeah. So do you think we could just…” Eddie gestures at his cheek with his free hand, and Steve nods.
“Yeah, lemme– I’ll finish up.”
The bandage on Eddie’s cheek is the last to change out, and Steve tries to make it quick. He has Eddie hold his hair to the side as he works, mostly to give him something to do with his hands – there are a million hair ties still floating around the house from before Robin cut her hair (Steve finds more every time he vacuums, he swears the things multiply in the dark), but Steve’s found that giving Eddie some kind of task keeps him still while Steve deals with disinfectant and gauze.
He's gotten the process down to something simple and efficient, and it feels like he’s done too soon. Eddie takes a sidelong glance at him when he takes his hands away, though he’s obediently holding still until he’s given the all-clear.
“Done?” he asks.
“Almost, yeah,” Steve says. “One last thing.”
Slowly, in case Eddie wants to pull back, Steve leans in and presses a featherlight kiss to the center of the bandage, holding his breath in shivery anticipation of Eddie’s reaction.
“That alright?” Steve asks quietly.
“Uh.” Eddie drops his hair and turns to look at Steve, eyes wide but dry this time. “Yeah. That’s– Actually, no.” Steve’s stomach drops when Eddie shakes his head, but then Eddie goes on, “I think you should do it one more time. Just, like, to make sure it works.”
“Yeah?” A slow grin curls over Steve’s face as his stomach makes its way back up from where it had landed near his ankles. “I think you’re right. Better safe than sorry.”
Steve leans in again, giving the bandage a quick, gentle peck. Then, because he can’t quite help himself, he presses another kiss to Eddie’s chin. And then, because they’re right there, pink and inviting and slightly parted as Eddie watches Steve with rapt attention, Steve presses one last kiss to his lips.
Eddie barely has time to return it, but he laughs when Steve pulls away. “Pretty sure my mouth was never injured, Steve.”
“You sure?” Steve shoots back.
“I mean– Well, you could check,” Eddie offers.
“Yeah, I could,” Steve says, leaning back in for another kiss – one that he thinks should be much more thorough.
All in the name of proper care, of course.
[Prompt: Kissing your partner's wounds]
3K notes · View notes
wonbriiize · 9 months
Note
bestfriend!Anton who puts you on his lap to give you affection, touches your hair, kisses you on the neck...being super clingy and fluffy :(
pairing; anton x reader
genre; fluff, best friends to lovers
note; i thought this was such a cute idea so i wrote something based on it.. hope u like it anon ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶
listen to your heart
while working in retail isn’t all that horrible most of the time, you despise it over the holidays. everyone goes crazy as they search for last-minute christmas presents for their loved ones, friends or anyone else.
today was one of those days when everything was so annoying that you really thought about quitting your job right then and there.
luckily, your shift has ended and you are now on your way back home. you seem to be forgetting what a terrible day it has been so far as you imagine yourself curled up in your warm bed while drinking hot choco and watching your comfort movie.
“*y/n*, someone is waiting for you in your room,” your mom says after giving you a big hug when you arrive at home.
you‘re confused as to who it could be, until you recall that your best friend anton texted you saying he‘d drop by later as you were spamming him with messages about that one costumer who was extremely rude to you.
you run up the stairs to your room. you’re not so sure why you’re so eager to see anton, but you can’t help yourself. being with anton after a tiring day makes you feel at ease. he just has that effect on you.
“ohhh, slow down,” anton sits up on your bed. you can tell he made himself feel at home because just a second ago he was laying in your bed as if it was his own. “why are you running? is the rude customer after you?”
since you can’t tell anton that you hurried up to your room because of him, you just throw yourself on your bed. “no, i just really missed my bed. it has been an exhausting day.”
“and here i was hoping that you were running because you couldn’t wait to see me,” anton pouts, leaning back on your bed.
you’re right, you think. but i can’t let you know..
“well, apparently you were missing me because how are you at my house when i’m not even there?”
anton shrugs. “so what if i missed you, is it so wrong to miss your best friend?”
you’re shocked at how casually anton can say things like this. does he truly not realise how much of an impact his words have on you? it irritates you that he's saying these things and acting so dreamy when you're already trying to shake the thought that you like him — much more than you could ever imagine liking someone.
you sigh, laying down on your back. “i just really need to rest.”
“hey, come here,” anton pats next to him. “we can rest together.”
for a second, you’re not sure if you should really go and sit down next to him, because your feelings are all over the place today and you don’t know what could happen, but you push those thoughts aside and just go for it.
“you can lay your head on my lap. i will give you a head massage. i‘m a pro,” anton softly smiles at you.
god, he really isn’t making it easy to not fall in love with him, you sigh. your head is telling you not to do it, but for once in your life, you decide to listen to your heart instead.
you place your head gently on anton‘s lap. you’re afraid you won't be able to resist kissing anton if you open your eyes and see him staring down at you, hence why your eyes are closed.
anton starts massaging your head softly and you’re surprised at how good it actually feels.
“i didn’t expect you to be actually good at this,” you say.
“i told you i‘m a pro,” anton chuckles. hearing him giggle put a smile on your face and usually you would try to hide that, but right now, you’re just letting it happen.
“there it is,” anton whispers softly as he touches your cheek, causing you to open your eyes immediately.
“what?”
“your beautiful smile.”
you start laughing nervously. what’s his deal? why is he being extra sweet today?
“don’t say such things, anton.”
“why not?" his hand returns to your head, but instead of giving it a massage, he plays with your hair, twisting it around with his index finger.
“best friends don’t say that..” what you just said has a sad undertone, but you don’t care. maybe if anton knows that he’s kind of playing with your feelings, he will stop being like that.
anton shakes his head. “no, they don’t.. but here’s the thing, *y/n*..”
the sudden change in the atmosphere makes you nervous so you sit up. still close to anton, but there’s a little distance between the two of you now.
“i‘ve been trying to tell you for the longest time that i don’t want to be just best friends with you,” anton blurts out. “i thought it was obvious that i like you.”
world stop. anton likes me?
“but everytime i try to make a move you put me back in the friendzone, saying things like ‘best friends don’t do that..”
with a sincere expression of sadness that makes your heart hurt, anton glances down at his hands.
“i guess you really don’t like me in that way and i was just stupid to to think that-”
refusing to let anton continue, you take hold of his hand and place it directly over your heart.
“do you feel this?” you whisper.
anton nods unsure.
“my heart beats this fast everytime i‘m with you.”
“is that a good or a bad sign?” anton pulls his hand away and looks questionably at you.
his question makes you laugh. “of course it’s a good sign.. it means that you’re the reason why my heart feels so alive.”
“oh,” anton nods, a little smile forming on his face. “so you do like me.”
now it’s you who’s nodding.
just a while ago you didn’t want anton to know how you really feel about him because you were so afraid that the feeling was one-sided, but now that you know it’s mutual, you’re ready to take the initiative.
you slip closer to anton and sit down on his lap. first he’s surprised at your sudden move, but then you feel his arms around your waist, holding you close to him.
seconds later, your lips meet his. not only was your heart racing faster than before, but because your bodies were so close, you could literally feel anton‘s heart racing as well.
you weren't expecting it, but as anton plastered kisses all over your face and neck, things heated up quickly. you didn't want him to stop, but knowing that your parents could walk into your room at any point made you want to go slowly.
“maybe we should continue this when we are alone, like completely,” you whisper as anton was kissing your neck.
“hmmm,” kiss. “maybe..” kiss. “you‘re..” kiss. “right.”
he stops, looking at you with the biggest smile on his face.
“this big smile looks good on you,” you put your arms around antons neck.
“and you know why i’m smiling like this? it’s because of you,” anton softly whispers before he plants another kiss on your lips.
2K notes · View notes
literaryavenger · 7 months
Text
Not So Bad
Summary: It's Bucky's birthday, but he doesn't want to make a big deal out of it.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Warnings: Language. None, really just fluff. No mentions of Y/N. My poor attempts at being funny.
Word Count: 1K
A/N: He's my second story for today. Happy birthday, Bucky! Thanks to @ordelixx for the idea and @mrsbuckybarnes1917 for read proofing it.
Masterlist
Tumblr media
Ever since he’s rejoined society and gained the closest thing he can have to a normal life, being a supersoldier and all, there’s one thing that Bucky can’t bring himself to do: celebrate his birthday.
The more memories he regains, the more he remembers a time where he used to celebrate his birthday with his family and his friends.
Sure, they didn’t have much, but he had his mom and his sister and Steve. It was a simpler yet happier time, and he now all he feels is gloomy.
So every year he treats it like any other day. He trains and goes on missions if he has to, and if he’s in the compound he chills with a book or maybe takes a motorcycle ride, never once even making it known to the rest of the team that it’s his birthday.
“Seriously, Buck? That’s how you’re gonna spend your whole day?” Steve asks Bucky as they walk down the hallway towards their rooms.
“Yes, seriously.” Bucky answers with a roll of his eyes. Every year Steve tries to get Bucky to do something more to celebrate his birthday, but Bucky never budges. “You know damn well what I think about my birthday.”
Steve groans and stops walking, causing Bucky to stop too, and tries one last time before leaving Bucky to his sulking. “I know, but come on! Let’s at least do something together. Let’s celebrate your birthday like we used to, go to Coney Island or something. Don’t spend the day alone!”
“We spend everyday together, Rogers. Sometimes it’s nice to get a break.” Bucky jokes with a smirk before he starts walking again and leaves Steve to chuckle and roll his eyes before he walks to his own room.
What neither of the supersoldiers realized is that they had stopped right in front of your room to talk, just as you were about to walk out. You stopped in your tracks and listened to their conversation.
It’s Bucky’s birthday? How did you not know that? Sure it’s not like you’re the best of friends, but you’re still pretty close. You should’ve known that.
So you decide to do something nice for him today while still respecting his wishes of having a low-key day. You take your purse and jacket and head to the garage, getting into your car and driving towards the city.
Truth is, you’ve always had a crush on the Sergeant. It was hard not to when he looked the way he did, and he was as sweet as Bucky was. 
As intimidating as he might look, you knew how shy he could be. He got flustered easily when he got a compliment, and you found him so adorable when he started blushing and stuttering.
You go to the bookstore you know Bucky loves to browse when he is in the city, it’s a small store that’s filled with second hand books. Bucky always said that he loved to give books a second chance, just like he got one after Hydra. 
You look through the books until you find the perfect one: Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck.
The team saw the movie together when it was Steve’s turn to pick, and as you sat next to Bucky you heard him quietly talk with Steve about the details they remembered from reading the book in the 30s. 
You go to Bucky’s favorite bakery next and buy two dozen of his favorite cupcakes, and when you see that they sell different colors of candles you have to buy a gold and black one.
You drive back to the compound and, after dropping the rest of the cupcakes in the kitchen for the team, you take one, putting the candle on top of it and taking a lighter. You go to Bucky’s room, cupcake in one hand and gift bag in the other, and knock on his door. 
“Come in.” Bucky says from inside, thinking it’s Steve coming to bother him again.
You open the door slightly and look inside, seeing him sitting on his bed with his back against the headboard and a book in his hands.
“Am I bothering you?” You ask hesitantly.
“N-no, you’re not. Come in.” Bucky says quickly, closing his book and sitting up straighter.
You open the door completely and enter his room, taking a couple of steps towards him before stopping. “I… I got you something.”
Bucky’s eyes widen a little as he sees the cupcake and the gift bag you’re holding out to him.
“Did Steve tell you?” His eyes narrow a little, and you squirm a little under his gaze and shake your head.
“I overheard you talking about it…” You say quietly, a little embarrassed. “I get that you don’t want a party or anything, but I thought… I don’t know, I just wanted to do something nice for you on your birthday…”
You start to second guess yourself as he just looks at you and, just as you’re about to backtrack on your stupid idea and leave him alone, he smiles brightly at you, sitting on the edge of his bed and patting the spot next to him.
You sit next to him and you put the bag on his bed so you can light the candle and hold the cupcake out to him with a smile. “Make a wish.”
Bucky thinks about it for a second. He knows what he wants to wish for, the thing is he already got his wish: you in his room, sitting with him on his bed. But he makes his wish anyway before blowing out the candle.
He wished for you to be his.
You smile at each other for a moment before you snap yourself out of it, shaking your head a little and picking up his present and giving it to him.
He puts the cupcake on his nightstand as he takes the bag and opens it and you can see his face light up when he sees it as he runs his fingers down the cover before looking at you with a smile. “Thank you, doll.”
You smile back at him and lean in to kiss his cheek. “Happy birthday, Bucky.” You say before getting up and leaving, letting him have his peaceful day of relaxation. 
Bucky watches you go with a slight blush, his hand over his cheek where you kissed it and a goofy smile on his face.
Perhaps celebrating his birthday is not such a bad thing after all.
632 notes · View notes
liyawritesss · 3 months
Text
ʟᴏᴠɪɴɢ ᴋᴇɴᴊɪ ꜱᴀᴛᴏ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇ...
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
-> synopsis: what would life be like to love the worlds baseball darling and secret superhero Ultraman, Kenji Sato?
-> pairing: kenji sato + black!gn!reader
-> from: ultraman: rising
-> contains: pure fluff, gender neutral, mentions of emiko and emi, 2nd person ('you', 'your', 'yours')
-> a/n: these animators need to stop making these kid movies with fine ass main characters bc whyyyyyyy is he so cute??? why do i wanna baby him in my arms and tell him everything will be okay? LET THIS MAN KNOW PEACE PLEASE!!!
-> join my taglist!
-> tags: @badass-dora-milaje @uranometrias @lees-chaotic-brain @jacuzziwaters
Tumblr media
Kenji Sato who loves loves loooooovveeesss those subliminal couples pictures. The ‘private but not secret’ ones. They’re so aesthetically pleasing to him and they allow him to show you off to the world while still maintaining an air of privacy that he cherishes deeply from the media. Kenji is proud to call you his, and wants to show that in all ways possible.
Kenji Sato who is heavy on the couples jewelry. He’s already got a couple of notable pieces in his collection beforehand, and they only expand when you come into his life. In fact, the speculations of his love life come from the fact that people were noticing that he was wearing pieces from brands that were specifically designed for couples. Of course, when asked about it, he never goes into depth about it, and just recites how he thinks they look nice on him…and on someone else.
Kenji Sato who introduces you to his mom only after he’s sure that he wants to be serious with you. I have a feeling Emiko is the type of mom to get attached to their child’s partner in the sense of already viewing them as part of the family very early on, and Kenji wouldn’t want to get her hopes up if something were to happen - he can’t stand to see his mom upset. But when he does introduce you to his mom, you two become the best of friends! So definitely expect to be sent on girls day adventures by Kenji, cuz he’ll definitely be treating the two most important women in his life like royalty.
Kenji Sato who requires a lot of patience to deal - I mean, the man has a lot going on. Being the number one baseball player in the world, saving Japan from threats as Ultraman, and caring for the large kaiju baby Emi is more than a lot on anyone's plate. Kenji’s gonna need someone to understand that his schedule is never solid, and plans may fall through from time to time, and thats not because he’s not trying, but it’s because spontaneity runs his life and things can change at the drop of a hat, out of his control. It’s not the life he asked for, but it’s one he must take on.
Kenji Sato who doesn't exactly know how to bring up the topic of him being Ultraman, much less about Emi, early on in the relationship. I mean, how often do you tell someone that you're Japan's legendary hundred-foot tall superhero or that you're the surrogate parent to a twenty foot tall baby dragon kaiju? As much planning that he does on telling you, it ultimately happens in the worse way possible - you end up finding him mid-transition with Emi in tow...now that's gonna be an interesting story to tell. Spoiler: you stay with him, but now he's subjected to jokes about how is ego isn't the only thing that blows up to an enormous degree.
Kenji Sato who appreciates a partner that can not only deal with spontaneity, but is also rather spontaneous themselves. Surprise dates, random gifts, adventurous propositions out of the blue, I think those kind of things are right up his alley. He’s learned to live life in the moment and to the fullest, because it can be taken from you within an instant, and he wants to cherish every moment he has with you.
Kenji Sato who would spend his money on you religiously. He’ll sit in the dressing room with you as you try on armfuls of clothes, only to hand you his credit card at the end of the haul with a kiss to your temple, encouraging you to buy it all if you desire. And don't let you look at something too long in a display window, because he will have it shipped to your address in two business days. Endless trips post-baseball season in secluded locations so that the two of you can optimize the privacy you desperately crave.
Kenji Sato who’s a little bashful and nervous in the beginning, but eases into the relationship as time goes on. He doesn’t wanna mess up something so good that he has going on. Opening up takes some time, as he’s got some high walls that are hard to climb, but once you do get him to open up and bare his heart to you, don’t take it for granted. He doesn't do this to everyone, only the people he feels will truly return the care and compassion he has - so don’t prove him wrong.
Kenji Sato who seeks your comfort in the middle of the night when sleep evades him, leaving him restless and anxious. Most times, its about his mom and her disappearance, a mystery that's never left his mind. If you don't wake up to find him sitting up in bed deep in thought, or trying to tire himself out in a simulation, he finds comfort in just cuddling you, admiring your sleeping form, and talks about the most random things until the sun begins to peak over the horizon.
Kenji Sato who’s sort of in between the serious lover and the playful lover - he’s maturing in his emotions and how to deal with his past, learning how to communicate better and express himself healthily. Simultaneously, he’s a goofball and a jokester reliving a bit of his childhood in his love with you. Playful banter, jokes and teasing are equally as present as the late night talks and the deep conversations the two of you share.
Kenji Sato who tucks the chain that has his promise ring on it close to his chest, and on game days, rubs his thumb over the gold band for comfort and assurance before he heads up to bat. During championships, he'll ask you to kiss it for good luck, and when he wins, he of course accredits it to you being his 'good luck charm'.
Kenji Sato who loves deeply and fervently, with compassion and the entirety of his heart, who will do his duty and love you unconditionally an proudly while shielding you from the cruel and prying eyes of the public, letting you know time and time again that it will always be you he chooses, no matter what.
Tumblr media
If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don’t be shy to send in a request!
344 notes · View notes
mialikeshockey · 1 month
Note
Could you do a Luke Hughes fic where he lets the reader do his skin care and than watch a movie 🥹
of course!! I hope you enjoy:)
Baby Soft - Luke Hughes
Tumblr media
“You stink, and you’re sweaty. Get off my bed.” I groan, pushing my sweaty boyfriend off my bed. Luke just got home from a workout with Jack and Quinn, and he decides to come to my house all nasty and sweaty.
“I am not going all the way to my house to take a shower, you’re gonna have to deal with it.” Luke states walking towards my bed again. “Luke Hughes, if you step any closer to my, nicely made, soft and clean, smelling good bed, I will actually drag you out of my house by your ear and make you sit outside until you don’t stink anymore. You can shower here, you still have the sweatpants and the hoodie you left from last time you came over, they are in your drawer on the last part of my dresser.” Luke smiles grabbing his stuff and going to take a shower.
I sit down at my vanity and start taking off my makeup, I only had a bit of mascara, blush and lipgloss on, so it wasn’t so hard to take off. I start doing my skincare while watching YouTube. After a couple more minutes, I’m almost done with my skincare about to put a face mask on, when Luke walks in my room all clean. “What are you doing?” Luke walks over to my vanity and picks up one of my face mask bottles. “Can you put one on me?”
“Why would you want one on? I thought you didn’t like doing your skincare.” I giggled as Luke sits down on the floor waiting for me to put a face mask on him. “I wanna match with you, and then maybe we can watch a movie.” I smile, finishing up my face mask and moving onto his.
I start putting the face mask on his face and he can’t stop laughing. “I really don’t see what’s so funny, you’re gonna ruin the perfect lining if you don’t stop laughing.” I shake my head and hold his head still. “It’s cold.” Luke lets out another giggle.
I finish his face mask and we cuddle up on my bed and turn on a movie. Luke seems to not mess with the face mask nor pick at it like he claims he would. A couple minutes have passed and I look over at Luke, who is half asleep. “Come on love, let’s get this face mask off.”
I get a warm towel and start washing the face mask off of Lukes face, I do the same with myself. Luke goes up to the bathroom mirror and feels his face. “What are you doing you goober?” I laugh. “My face feels baby soft.” He turns out of the bathroom and walks right back to my room.
“You should do the rest of the skin care on me tomorrow.” Luke states before plopping down on my bed to finish the movie. “I’ll think about it.”
The next day rolls around, I just got back from going on a run and I see Lukes car in my driveway. I run up to my driveway and see him and my parents laughing and talking on the front porch.
“Didn’t know everyone was having so much fun without me.” I smile walking up to hug Luke. “Luke was telling us about how he finally let you put a face mask on him.” My mom smiles, knowing how much taking care of my skin is so important to me.
I walk inside giggling with Luke following me. “So when do I get the full treatment?” He runs up behind me and hugs me again, kissing the side of my face. “Maybe now, because I need to shower and wash my face since I just got back from a run.” Luke nods and i hurry up and take a quick shower while he sits in my room and scrolls on his phone.
I come back in my room holding some skin care stuff I used in the shower. “Come sit down and I’ll do your skin care.” Luke gets up with a big smile on his face. I start off with using my face wash and gently rubbing it into his face. Luke giggling the whole time.
Something tells me that this is gonna be more than a one time thing.
——
sorry this is so short, it’s currently 4:30am and I’m going to the beach to see the sunrise and I haven’t slept yet and I’m so tired 😭
also I did not proof read so if there’s any mistakes ignore them please
take care!!
353 notes · View notes
themattgirl · 8 months
Note
could you please make one where Chris and reader are dating and reader feels sick and Chris just takes care of her and acts all sweet and stuff? 🫠
Tumblr media
an: thank you for the request ily 🧡
this turned out so much longer than i intended
this isn’t my first one shot but it’s the first with one of the sturniolo triplets in it. 
obviously their characters have been altered by me a little to fit into the story but i tried to make it as realistic as possible by keeping their personality traits as they are in real life.
also comment or like this post if you want to be added to the taglist
pairing: chris x fem!reader
word count: 4.1k
warnings: fluff, use of ‘babe’ and ‘ma’ as pet names for reader, intentional wrong spelling in text messages to make it more realistic, mentions of nsfw themes, swearing, lots of playful teasing between characters
y/n’s dialogue  
chris’ dialogue
matt’s dialogue
nick’s dialogue
mary lou’s dialogue
Tumblr media
“it’s just a cold, nothing serious i promise. i don’t think i can come over today though, i don’t wanna infect any of you. i’m sorry for ruining movie night,” i say to chris on facetime before breaking into a cough. i turn the camera away from me, not wanting him to see me in a disgusting state like this. if i could, i would’ve muted myself so he doesn’t have to listen to it either. plus, i know how worried he gets with any type of sickness or unwell feeling really.
so, of course it wouldn’t be chris if he didn’t immediately furrow his brows.
“babe no, don’t apologize. you didn’t choose to get sick.”
he gets up from where he was sitting on the couch and goes downstairs to his bedroom. he puts the phone down so all i can see now is his ceiling. his voice sounds a little farther away when he speaks again, “it doesn’t really sound like nothing serious, does anything hurt?”
“to be honest, my whole body has been aching since i woke up this morning. it’s not too bad, just a dull ache, i can still move and all that, even if i’d prefer to just lay here and rot away,” i laugh and hold back the cough that wants to escape right after in hopes it would make him worry a little less. vainly.
“your voice sounds stuffy and kinda hoarse, does your throat hurt?”
“i forgot you turn into a doctor every time somebody doesn’t feel great,” i roll my eyes even though he can’t see it with his phone still down and him on the other side of the room from how distant his voice sounds.
“shut up, y/n. you feel worse than ‘not great’. you’re not fooling anyone with that act.”
he reappears on the screen. now i can see what he has been doing in the time i couldn’t see him. he put on a hoodie over the tank top he had been wearing before, the hair he had put up in a little ponytail - if you could even call it that - in the front has been untied and brushed. or maybe he just ran his fingers through his hair a couple of times, that’d be more like it.
“anyways baby, imma call mom real quick. be right back,” he hangs up before i get the chance to respond.
i put the phone down next to me on the bed i’ve been in since i realized this morning how much it hurt to stand up and how i felt like i was gonna throw up every time i moved too hastily.
i took a deep breath - well, as deep as a breath can get when your nose is clogged - and closed my eyes to try and concentrate on something other than the throbbing pain in my head.
i feel so much worse than how i described it to chris and i feel bad for kind of lying to him, i do. but he has been dealing with so much of his own lately - new designs for his brand, fixing the shipping issues with some of the orders from his last drop, coming up with video ideas and prefilming those before him, nick and matt go on tour again, preparing everything for said tour - see, he really doesn’t need me to add to his things-to-worry-about-list, especially if he can’t do anything to fix it and it’ll go away on its own anyway.
i feel my phone’s vibration from somewhere in between the sheets and grab it. it's messages from nick.
hey y/n heard your not feeling so good (:/ smiley) i was really excited to see you again today but don’t you dare feel guilty for it
i know how you guilt trip yourself into thinking everything is your fault
its kind of a good thing bc now i have time to get the matching pjs we wanted
hope you feel better soon tho
matts sick too maybe you got it from him when you helped him decorate his room yesterday
I hey y/n heard your not feeling so good 😕 i was really excited to see you again today but don’t you dare feel guilty for it
word spreads faaast 😂 i’m so sad i gotta wait another week or so to see you again i only like sleepovers cuz of u but dont tell chris 🤫
I i know how you guilt trip yourself into thinking everything is your fault
seriously i hate that yk me so well 😐
I its kind of a good thing bc now i have time to get the matching pjs we wanted
at first i was like 🤨 but then i kept reading i LOVE YOUU SO MUCH OMG just so yk chris was the second option
I hope you feel better soon tho
me too now i’m excited for the pajamaaas 😫
I matts sick too maybe you got it from him when you helped him decorate his room yesterday 🤔
i’m gonna kill him like fr this time
hey where tf is chris??
talking to mom shes teaching him sth honestly don’t ask idk
ok 😂 i think im gonna take a nap talk later?
yess get some rest and lmk if you need anything ❤️
ly❤️❤️
after sending the last message i get a call from matt. i contemplate not picking up for a second but decide against it.
“what?”
“uff, what’s that attitude?”
“i’m sick because of you, shithead.”
“we don’t know that. what if you’re the one who passed it on to me, hm? besides, i was just calling to tell you to drink some water and to ask if you need anything. i was actually being nice but you clearly don’t deserve it,” his voice is just as bad as mine, if not worse which makes me feel a little bad, but matt wouldn’t be one of my best friends if i had to worry about him getting mad every time i’m not nice. that’s actually how we bonded after annoying each other every chance we got. we both have a bit of an attitude problem which caused a lot of irritation and aggravation. now we get along better than any pair of best friends. the teasing stayed in place, but now we both know there’s only endless love behind it. sometimes you just gotta let off a bit of steam and we both just get that.
“fine, i’m sorry. sickness really does turn you soft, huh?” i smirk.
“why’re you saying it like you just confirmed a theory?”
“mary lou told me once and i’ve been waiting ever since to see for myself, guess she was right.”
“you are actually the worst. i’m hanging up now. drink water, bye.”
he hangs up the phone and i laugh to myself. what a big baby.
i open chris’ chat and type in a message telling him i’m going to sleep and that i will call him once i wake up again. i don’t bother waiting for a reply and just put the phone on my nightstand. i turn on my side, close my eyes and after that i don’t notice anything anymore.
Tumblr media
i jolt up from bed, breathing heavy, body sweaty and heart racing. my room is dark, lit up only by the moon shining through my window. i look around trying to remember where i am and shake the nightmare from my mind.
i reach for my phone and check the time.
11:43 pm
i turn on the flashlight and right when i notice a black jacket hung over the back of my desk chair i hear footsteps coming closer.
chris pushes the door open and steps in.
“oh shit, did i wake you?”
“no i had a nightmare. what are doing here?”
i sit upright in bed and turn the flashlight off when chris flips the switch to turn on the fairy lights around the edges of my ceiling.
he moves to sit on the bed next to me before he answers, “i had mom teach me how to make her get-well-quick-soup and brought you some. she also told me about the perfect remedy tea, i can make it for you,” he stands up again immediately, “i’ll heat up the soup for you first. shit ma, have you even eaten anything today?” he stands by the door, holding the handle but looking back over his shoulder at me.
“chris,” i honestly don’t know what to say to him. he is so sweet i have to fight the tears that build up on my waterline. i just look at him for a moment, a little smile ghosting on my lips.
i’m well aware of how caring, considerate and compassionate chris is as a person in general, but it still baffles me sometimes how much he goes out of his way to make others feel good. i guess i’m just not used to it, being loved like this, having someone do everything that lies in their hands - and beyond that - just for me. it’s astonishing to say the least. especially when i myself have had issues with showing how deeply i cherish somebody ever since i can remember. it’s probably rooted somewhere in my past and how my affection has been received and responded to, that’s what my therapist says anyway.
i shake myself out of my thoughts and move the blanket away from my body to finally get up. immediately chris is beside me, holding me in place, “what’re you doing, ma? stay here i’ll bring it up,” he talks quietly, trying to get me to take in my previous lying position but i stay put on the ground.
“babe, i have been in this bed almost all day. i need to get up. i’ll just come down with you, we can eat together in the kitchen,” i try to convince him.
he looks at me, an uncertain expression on his face for a few seconds, the gears in his head almost visibly turning while he thinks about it. at last he lets out a sigh and nods, “alright then, hop on my back,” he bends over in a piggy back position in front of me and i can’t help the laugh that escapes me.
“you do know i can walk, right?” i ask still chuckling.
“i know, come ooon, just do it,” he urges me on and wiggles his hips, making me laugh even harder when i climb on his back.
“you’re gonna be so sick tomorrow, chris,” i complain mournfully once he lets me down to sit on the kitchen counter while he gets to heating up the soup he brought.
chris insists he’s not prone to catch a cold or any sickness easily, no matter how contagious or how close to the source he might be, even though he has proven himself wrong multiple times on more occasions than he cares to admit.
“no i won’t. besides, i could use a few days off even if i have to be sick to get that,” he lets out a huff of air trying to make it sound humorous, but both of us - and everyone who knows chris for that matter - knows that he is exhausted and is in desperate need of a break.
i know he doesn’t want me to get serious about that topic right now though so i try to change routes, “oh my god,” he turns around from where he was stirring the soup on the stove and faces me, confused about my shocked exclamation. i point an accusatory finger at him, my jaw hanging low but a smile still creeping it’s way on my face.
“so that’s why you’re here. you came to try and get infected, that’s why you carried me down too even though you know damn well i coulda walked by myself. and i’m here thinking you were actually being the best boyfriend on earth. turns out my man is a piece of shit,” by the end i fail to stay serious and let out a giggle. well, it’s not like he actually believed that i meant what i was saying but still.
he lets go of everything he was holding, turns around to me fully and begins to stalk toward me slowly.
“oh yeah?” i don’t know if it’s just me or if he’s doing it on purpose but all of a sudden his voice sounds deeper, his face more stern and serious.
“is that what you think then? i’m just a piece of shit?” he makes me nervous at first but the second i see the smirk on his lips i know exactly what’s about to follow.
“chris. no.”
he is standing right in front of me, so close he has positioned himself in between my legs, his hands on the counter on either side of me, trapping me. the finger i was pointing at him long since taken back.
“am i a piece of shit when i make you cum with just my tongue?” his face is so close now.
“stop,” i say quieter than i mean to, almost whisper-like.
“or when i fuck you so good you can’t walk right for days, am i a piece of shit then?”
this asshole is doing it on purpose. he knows i would never have sex with him when i’m sick so he’s trying to rile me up the little fucker. have i mentioned that i actually hate him. like for real hate him. the type of hate that leads to an absolutely mindblowing fuck. shit.
“or yesterday when you told matt you needed a break and came downstairs to my room to suck me off and then you just wiped your mouth and went back up like nothing happened. did you do it because i’m a piece of shit?”
my jaw is on the floor.
“or when–”
“OKAY,” i practically scream, “you’re the best and i didn’t mean what i said, just please stop.”
i’m almost whining at this point.
i try to rub my legs together to ease some of the friction unnoticeably but chris is like a hawk, sees everything, notices everything. and then he smiles. just smiles and goes back to the soup.
Tumblr media
later that night, after i was forced to eat almost all of the soup and drink two cups of magic tea while chris downed a cheese burger, fries and three of the last four pepsi cans i had in my fridge, we snuggled up on the couch with a heavy blanket that chris had also asked his mom for, thrown over both of our laps and a random movie playing on the tv. 
neither one of us actually felt like watching something but we threw it on as background noise anyway. chris and i have barely seen each other in almost two weeks so all we want right now is to enjoy each other's company. he has been so busy with all that’s coming up for him and his brothers, still is. and i've been studying like crazy because i always feel like i won’t pass if i don’t and when i wasn’t busy with that i’d be at work to earn my living and feel like i’m doing enough. so there wasn't really time for us to actually be together and get to enjoy it. i've missed it.
“you know you’re probably sick because you exhaust yourself all the time,” chris says when he turns to look at me.
“shh,” i shush him with my eyes closed and a smile on my lips, “i got it from matt, no discussion.”
he lets out a little laugh at that, “yes discussion. if you keep going like that, one day it’s gonna have more serious effects on your health than a cold. you don’t even need to do all that. how many times do i have to tell you your life is worth enough even if you don’t work yourself half to death and have a little fun every once in a while,” he rubs my thigh while talking. chris knows better than anyone that i don’t like being put on the spot and lectured about my not-so-healthy habits like that, especially when i know exactly that it’s in fact very unhealthy. but he also insists on having these talks with me because he knows i would shut out everyone else who’d dare to try immediately. he and his brothers are the only three people i have let come so close and they make use of that quite often, might i say. but it’s okay because these people are my best friends and i know i need to be put in check sometimes, i admit. nobody else would dare try but them so i just let them. 
i must say, it has helped me improve my life to an extent. they taught me that it’s okay to cut ties with people who are bad for my mental health and encourage bad habits, and that i don’t owe shit to them even if they want to make me believe that. they kept telling me “quality friends are worth so much more than a big amount of bad ones” until it finally clicked in my brain and i blocked half of my contact list.
“look who’s talkin’. mister i work twice as hard as the person i try to lecture,” i jab my finger in his side and he jerks.
“you know that’s different,” he holds my hands in his to stop me from doing it again.
i like feeling his hands on mine. i know he’s my boyfriend and it might be weird to say it like that. but i haven’t seen him in so long, which means i also haven’t felt him in so long. it’s crazy but it almost feels like in the beginning when we were scared to touch each other and would act like we accidentally brushed our hand on the other but we both knew it was fully on purpose.
chris pulls me out of my thoughts again when he speaks, “at least i have an end in sight and work’s gonna be way more relaxed once i’m done with everything. with you there’s always–”
the ringing of his phone cuts him off and he takes a look at the caller id, his mom. he narrows his eyes at me and gives me a look that says “we’re not done yet” but picks up the phone and holds it up so she can see the both of us on the screen.
“i was going to ask chris about you but since you’re with him please pinch him for me,” is the first thing mary lou says when she looks at us. and i gladly do as she says even though i don't know what he did to deserve it.
“oww, what was that for?” chris asks whining and i just shrug and chuckle.
“you told me you would bring y/n the soup and go back home. you lied to me.”
i turn to him with my mouth hanging open, “christopher owen, how dare you?”
it’s so fun to aggravate chris.
he furrows his brows at me and then looks back at the screen, “she literally begged me,” he straight up lies. “i was trying to tell her i didn’t wanna get sick so i could only drop off the soup and blanket and would have to leave again but then she started crying–”
i hit him for real this time, hard enough to make him suck air through his teeth.
“mary lou, don’t believe a word he says.”
“i know, darling, you wouldn’t do that. chris, that’s twice you’ve lied today.”
“sorry, mom,” he actually looks defeated now, “you know i can’t just leave her all alone when she’s like this. i lied because i didn’t wanna worry you. i won’t get sick though,” at that me and her give each other a knowing look but let him continue, “y/n’s weak and in pain, of course i’ll be by her side as much as i can, you probably knew i was here, that’s why you called me,” chris wiggles his finger at his mom with a cheeky smile while she’s trying to hide her own.
“alright, alright,” she gives in, “that’s how young love is, i guess. anyway, have you eaten the soup yet?”
“almost all of it,” i report proudly, rubbing my stomach.
“only forced,” chris side-eyes me and i roll my eyes at him.
“and the tea?” mary lou just keeps going. well, i definitely know where her son gets the caring from.
i grab the mug that’s been sitting on the table for two hours and could now be considered iced tea and hold it up for her to see, “this is my third,” i take a sip.
“very good. okay, well, i just wanted to check if chris is taking good care of you. it’s important for you to get enough rest, don’t go to sleep too late, alright darling? i have to go now but if you need something just give me a call. i’ll talk to you both in the morning. good night, i love you,” she blows two kisses as we tell her we love her and then she ends the call.
right when chris puts his phone down we hear the doorbell ring.
we both glance at the direction of the front door as if we could see through it and figure out who’s standing on the other side. then we turn and look at each other.
“expecting someone?” chris asks me and i just shake my head no and shrug unknowingly.
“open up!” the voice sounds muffled but it’s unmistakably matt.
chris rolls his eyes and sighs loudly and i just giggle.
he moves the blanket and gets up to go open the door but stops in his tracks suddenly, turns around again, bends down and kisses me.
“won’t be able to do that for a while if he’s here,” he explains before he goes.
matt and nick do complain every time we kiss in front of them, so we agreed on trying not to do it anymore. they act like little kids being forced to see their parents being all lovey-dovey with each other. at least one of them always yells “GET A ROOM!” as if they’re not invading our personal space. big babies, like i said.
“what’s up, bitches?” nick walks in wearing the pajamas we wanted to match, holding up his hands. one holding what i assume is my set of the exact same one and a pillow in his other hand.
i jump up from the couch immediately and squeal as i run toward him to hug him.
“what are you doing here?” i ask once we let go of each other, our smiles still as big as ever.
“since chris is here breathing in germs and this one,” he points his thumb over his shoulder where matt is giving chris a pajama pair, “is already sick i thought we might as well have our movie night here since i’m getting it from one of you either way.”
“i’m so happy,” i squeak, elongating the words.
“aren’t you happy to see me too?” matt acts sad and offended when he moves to stand next to nick.
i roll my eyes but give him a big hug, “i am actually.”
chris scoffs and we all laugh. he moves to stand closer to me and i wrap my arms around him, tilting my head to look at him.
“you guys can go in the kitchen, grab some snacks while me and chris put on our pajamas,” i say to nick and matt, my eyes still locked on my boyfriend.
they do as they’re told once the’ve put down their things and soon enough they’re out of sight.
“you good?” chris asks me quietly, stroking my hair gently
“yeah. i just realized our alone time is over,” i respond in a hushed tone.
he gives me a kiss on the forehead before he talks, “it’s okay, we’ll just go up to your room when they’re asleep. nothing’s keeping me away from you tonight.”
hearing it makes comfort spread in my chest in a way i didn’t know i needed right now.
“i love you so much, chris. thank you for everything,” i try to sound genuine, because i truly am.
he holds my chin between his thumb and forefinger and dips his head until his lips meet mine.
“i love you too, ma.”
Tumblr media
taglist:
@strniolosworld @that-general-simp @sturniolosreads @whoreforchr1s
450 notes · View notes
toxicanonymity · 1 year
Note
can you do really like possessive joel. like she posts a pic of herself in a skin tight dress or bathing suit and joel literally makes her delete it. joel would be like “why should anyone else but me see that?” or he’s like “are u upsetting me on purpose, baby?” ykwim like manipulating possessive joel
Snapchat
1.1k, stepdad!Joel x f!reader
stepdad master | joel master
SUMMARY: You snapchat Joel some steamy videos and his responses are sexy. Then you show up at his house and before you go inside, you post a pic on insta that he thinks should be just for him.
NSFW 18+ big girthy legal age gap, possessive!Joel, sexting, stepcest, mutual masturbation, vaginal fingering, angst/guilt
A/N: Comes after Instagram, but can be read alone. NEXT: Uber
After you caught Joel jerking off to your instagram and made him finish in front of you, you texted him, “no one uses instagram anymore. you should get snapchat” and gave him your username.  
Now, a few times a week, you’ll snap him something sexy.  It's nothing explicit, just enough skin to drive him crazy. More skin than instagram.  His reaction is always hot.   Sometimes just a chat like “wish I could put my head between those legs” or “why do you have to be so goddamn hot?”  Sometimes a selfie with that dark, horny look in his eye.  Or a POV shot of a bulge in his pants. One time he sends a video  where he’s just shaking his head slowly and says “you dunno what you’re doin’ to me baby,” then takes a deep breath and says “god damn,” and his arm starts moving slowly with his hand off screen in his lap. 
He doesn't realize you can see his screenshot activity until you tell him and he responds with a 😳. That sets off an ongoing casual text dialogue, and it would feel like you’re “talking,” if it weren’t for him being married to your mother. 
You frequently think about his cock, and his hand wrapped around it, and the hunger in his eyes as he looked at you.  Even more than that, you think about the way he helped you finish without even touching you.  Especially the way he rubbed his own inner thigh.  Almost every time you come, you end up thinking about his big veiny hand slowly stroking his pants right next to his package, eating you with his eyes while he watches you touch yourself.   
-
Thinking about it isn’t enough.  You need him to touch you, and you want to find out whether he needs to touch you just as bad.  You stop sending him sexy pictures on snapchat.  He’s a little needy but you don’t relent. You stop by their house when you know he’ll be alone, and when you get there, you post a swimsuit picture to instagram.  When you go inside, he’s in the office and has your instagram pulled up.  You lean against the door frame wearing the same swimsuit under a long cover up.    
He turns around and says, “What is this about, sweetie?”
“Thought you liked seeing me.”
“Does everyone have to?” he asks.  He’s trying to be nice but he’s annoyed. 
“Why do you care? If you can’t touch me, no one can even see me?
He sighs.  “So you’re punishing me for not cheating on your mom?”
You walk into the office and lean against the wall to his side. “It’s a picture.  What’s the big deal?”
He gets up from the chair and your eyes fall on the bulge in his pants as he walks toward you and doesn’t stop until he’s right up against you, poking you with his hard package, sending a bolt of desire right through you.  He brings his lips to your ear.   “This what you want? You’ve made your point. Now delete it.”   He goes back to the desk and sits down. 
“Delete it or what?”
“Or this is over. No texting, no snapchat. If you’re not mature enough not to punish me. . .”
Your face burns. How dare he. . . 
“You can delete it yourself,”  you say.  “If you rub one out right now.”  You take off the swimsuit cover up, slip off your sandals, and sit on his desk right in front of him.  
He looks back and forth between your breasts then down your body.  “You’re tryin’ to kill me.”  
He leans back in the chair and his hand rests right against his inner thigh, giving you a Pavlovian burst of arousal.  Your clit twitches.   
He frees his stiff member from his pants and holds out his hand for you to spit in. Filthy.  You grab his hand and lick it instead of spitting on it, then take his fingers into your mouth two at a time and suck before finally spitting in his palm.  
“We both know you have lotion down here,” you say. 
“He glares at you as he pumps himself slowly.  You  lean back on his desk, and he inhales deeply.  He rolls the chair back, either to get a better view or because he doesn’t trust himself.  
You clench your thighs. 
He asks, “you’re not gonna . . . ?”
“Do you want me to?”
“You know damn well I do.”  He keeps choking his hard cock, devouring the view.    
You slowly ghost your clit over your bathing suit. 
He breathes heavily, moans, and his eyes seem a little heavier with each stroke.  “Show me,” he says.” 
You pull your swimsuit to the side, partly exposing yourself, and glide your fingers up and down your wet seam, poking under your swimsuit.  He groans and looks like he could cry.   You spread your legs and expose yourself entirely.  
“Fuuuck,” he exhales and looks to the ceiling for a beat before returning his gaze between your legs where you’re stroking yourself with two fingers.  He scans your entire body then says, “put one in.”
“No,” you reply.  
“You get off on bein’ a brat?”
“Want a finger in me that bad, do it yourself.”  You slide down so you’re leaning against the desk, still partly on it, stroking your wet folds and clit, getting so wound up you can hardly stand not having his hands on you.  
He stares at you for a long ten seconds, chest rising and falling, his strokes becoming faster.  Meanwhile your own climax is looming closer and larger every minute.  
“Fuck,” he says with resignation in his eyes. He stands up, steps forward and his free hand engulfs your dripping seam while he inhales your hair and stands right up against you.  He rubs your slick, throbbing cunt with three flattened fingers as he pumps himself with his other hand.  You tilt your head up to watch his brows furrow even more.  He plunges a finger into you, and right away he shudders as his cum spills into his other hand.  He curls his finger inside you and his thumb works your clit and it doesn’t take long until you’re clenching around his one, thick finger, saying “Ah, fuck. . . Joel, yeah. . .”
“Don’t say my name like that," he pants and reaches for a tissue.  
Your temples feel weak. 
“. . .I won’t ever stop hearin’ it.”  
You put your cover-up back on.  
He sits down in the chair, looks at the ceiling and says, “Damn it.”  
“What?”
He bows his head and slowly shakes it. He won't look at you.  He doesn’t have to say it.  You try not to think about it. 
True to your word, you pull up the instagram photo and hand him your phone.  He checks the likes on the picture and goes to every guy’s profile.  His eyes darken.  
“Guess you’re right,” he admits.  “Don’t want anyone else to have ya. . . ”  He deletes the picture and looks at you regretfully, making eye contact for the first time since he finished.  “I know it’s not fair.”  He hands the phone back.   “I dunno what to tell ya, sweetie. . . I’m sorry.”  
All joel: @ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxiousus @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime  @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @jasminespringtime @romanarose
2K notes · View notes
jamesmydeer · 10 months
Note
Hey! I have an idea for a Remus x fem!reader. They volunteer to babysit Neville and Harry(both James, Lily and Frank, Alice are ok) and kids try to set them up, get them to play games like Reader being a princess who they have to rescue and Remus - the knight, who has to kiss her (smth like Sleeping Beauty).
true love’s kiss
notes: if you can’t tell, i love writing dialogue.
wc: 2.8k
masterlist
Tumblr media
Laughter filled the Potter household as James hoisted his son, Harry, and the Longbottom’s boy, Neville onto his shoulders. Harry threw his fists into the air, obviously used to his father’s antics. Neville gripped onto James’ arm and held on for his life.
“Potter and Longbottom have done it again! The quidditch cup goes to Gryffindor! The crowd goes wild,” he yells, bouncing up and down as if he were celebrating a big win from back in his quidditch days.
“Inside voice, James Potter,” Lily remarked, entering the room with her purse in hand and James’ coat thrown over her shoulder. He groaned and rolled his eyes playfully. “Fine.”
The boys giggled as James pretended to drop them and quietly mimicked the loud murmur of a crowd.
Lily plopped her stuff down on the table and turned to Alice, who was making sure Neville had everything he needed in his bag.
“Okay, I’ve got all my stuff, Frank is laying out the boys’ pajamas, James cast a protective spell on the house, I think we’re good to go!” She turned to look at the clock on the wall. “Remus should be here any minute now.”
“Uncle Moony!” Harry cheered, having overheard his mom’s conversation. “He’ll give us lots of chocolate. Just don’t tell my mom,” he informed Neville who nodded his head eagerly, pretending to zip his lips shut.
Alice turned to Lily with a confused look on her face as she queried, “You asked Remus to babysit?”
James walked towards the pair and grabbed his coat from Lily, kissing her cheek. “Well yeah Alice, leaving them with Sirius would be as good as leaving them alone.”
“It’s not that, I just thought I was supposed to find someone to watch them. Y/n is on her way.”
“Aunt Y/n!” both the young boys cheered. They couldn’t believe their luck at having two babysitters instead of one. Alice, on the other hand, was not as pleased with her mess up. She brought her hands up and covered her face as her cheeks flushed in embarrassment.
“Hey, it’s not a big deal. Two for the price of one,” James joked, slipping his coat on. He paused momentarily. “Except we’re not paying them, right?”
"We might have to pay Y/n if Remus loads them up with sugar," Frank chuckled, entering the room and throwing his arm around his wife’s shoulder.
“Maybe the boys can play matchmaker,” Lily raised her eyebrows and smirked. “Give them that little push they need.”
“The one they’ve needed since third year?” Alice adds. A knock at the door had everyone’s heads turning. James turned to walk toward the door, but the boys beat him to it.
“We’ll get it!” Neville exclaimed, racing Harry to the door. They opened it and you scooped them up immediately, playfully tickling them.
“How are my favorite boys in the whole world?” you asked, pinching their cheeks which earned a groan from both of them.
“You better not let Moony hear you say that. He might get jealous,” James teased. You rolled your eyes at James and set the boys down. You had just stepped foot in his house and he was already teasing you about your crush.
“Well it’s a good thing he’s not here, isn’t it?”
Lily and Frank looked at you apologetically, Frank sucking in through his teeth. James and Alice shared a similar expression of holding back laughter.
Your face dropped. “What did you do?”
James grabbed you and pulled you into the kitchen, Lily following suit. “So there may have been a wee bit of confusion on our part,” Lily starts to explain.
“No no no, this is a good thing!” James started, attempting to keep the situation strictly positive. He gripped your shoulders and looked into your eyes as if he was about to give you a pep talk. “You get to be alone with Remus for a whole afternoon. When was the last time you two were alone together?”
Lily was about to chime in that they would be watching his son, not alone, when there was a knock at the door.
“There’s your Moony,” James teased. He smoothed out your hair, jokingly making sure you looked good for Remus. He had known about your little crush since third year, but he still acted as if it were a big deal.
“You see him all the time Y/n. Just act like you always do around him,” Lily rubbed your shoulder comfortingly, then exited the kitchen to greet the second babysitter. You turned to follow her but stopped momentarily to punch James in the arm.
Lily opened the door for Remus who kissed her on the cheek. “Where’s the little tyke? Haven’t seen him all week,” he moved into the living room looking for Harry but was met with another familiar face.
He straightened up at the sight of you, his features softening slightly as a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “I didn’t know you were fifth wheeling with these guys tonight,” he joked, butterflies filling his stomach as you laughed at him.
“I’m not. They’ve started a babysitters' club and were the only two members.”
Remus looked between the two couples who just shrugged at him.
“Do you four not communicate?” Remus scolded playfully. Hearing his voice, Harry ran into the room and jumped into his arms. Remus threw him in the air and you couldn’t help but smile.
“You’re lucky I like Remus,” you quipped. “Had it been someone else, I would’ve gone straight back out that door.”
James snuck a quick look at Remus and wiggled his eyebrows. He walked towards him and took Harry, all the while leaning in to whisper in his ear teasingly “She said she likes youuuu.”
Had James not been holding his son, Remus would have shoved him.
“I’m sorry you guys, I’ve just been so scatterbrained lately,” Lily apologized, kissing both of your cheeks in passing as she headed to the table to grab her purse.
You both reassured Lily that it was okay and both couples were ushered out of the door by their excited children.
“We love you, Harry, behave!”
“Mind your manners, Neville!”
The boys shut the door behind their parents and turned to each other. Neville winked at Harry in a way that looked a lot more like an exaggerated scrunch of his face. Harry nodded and scurried back into the living room, Neville a few steps behind him.
“Aunt Y/n, will you read to us?” Harry begged. Neville assisted by giving you the cutest pleading eyes you had ever seen. And although they looked adorable, you couldn’t help but think they were up to something.
You shot Remus a confused smile at the boy's behavior. He just shrugged his shoulders and chuckled. “Of course, she will. You boys go pick out a book.”
You giggled as they scurried away towards Harry’s room. You turned to Remus, who was already looking your way, a soft smile on his face. A blush ran up his face as he averted eye contact and rubbed the back of his neck.
“I can go make them a snack while you read,” he pointed his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the kitchen. He wanted to stay and listen to your pretty voice, but he was discouraged at the idea of you catching him staring again. 
“What? You don’t want to stay and hear me read the story they pick?” you pouted playfully.
Remus bit back a smile, pretending that he was having to think about it. On cue, the boys came running back in with their choice of book and settled on the couch beside you. They looked expectantly at Remus.
“Well, make room for me.” You met his eyes and smiled brightly at his statement. You grabbed the book from Harry’s little hands.
“Hmm, Sleeping Beauty. This is a very good pick.”
Harry and Neville snuggled into either side of you as you read. Remus observed the way you animatedly told the story. The way your lips moved with each word had him in a trance. It reminded him of how he used to sit in the library, hopelessly watching you study with a lovesick smile. He closed his eyes and imagined what it would be like if you read to him—just him.
Before he knew it, he was being shaken out of his trance by two eager little boys. The story was over and they needed something else to entertain them.
“Uncle Moony, will you please be the prince? Please please please?” Harry begged, holding his hands together in front of his face. Remus couldn’t help but scoff, seeing so much of his father in him. He looked at you for help as to what exactly they were asking him.
You giggle at the boys. “They want to play knights, Remus. They need a prince,” you playfully cleared up his confusion. He smiled at you and turned back to the boys.
“Oh, I see now,” he nodded his head in understanding. “And why do I have to be the prince?”
Harry and Neville shared a look as if the question was absurd. Remus could sense them growing impatient, so he stood up and allowed them to drag him away. He turned back to you and playfully mouthed ‘help’. You giggled and he couldn’t help the feeling of pride that came along with making you laugh.
Harry stopped and ran back towards you. He stood on his tiptoes and cupped his hand to the side of his mouth. You leaned down and craned your neck for him to whisper in your ear, a skill he hadn’t quite honed yet. “You’re the princess. Pretend to be in a deep sleep like Aurora.”
You pulled away and Remus held back a laugh as you wiped your ear. You mouthed an ‘OK’ and he ran back towards Remus to drag him away.
Once alone, you couldn’t help but ponder Remus’ question about having to be the prince. He was always like a prince to you. A blush creeps up your neck as you recall all the books you read about princes, and how you pictured them as Remus every time. The longer you thought about it, you realized that you pictured him as the love interest in every book you read.
You could hear them rustling around upstairs in Harry’s bedroom. You imagined how Remus looked playing along with them. How the sleeves of his sweater were pushed up. The way his eyes would crinkle as he laughed along with the boys. How soft his voice would get comforting them if they got hurt.
It got quiet for a moment, and you almost stood up to go check on them. Suddenly, there were three sets of footsteps running down the stairs. You quickly laid down and shut your eyes, trying to hold back a smile.
The ‘knights’ rushed in and kneeled at your side. Remus stayed back, standing in the doorway. His chest rose and fell in a soft sigh as he studied your ‘sleeping’ figure. He took advantage of the situation and allowed his eyes to linger. He noticed the corners of your mouth twitch and he felt his stomach do a flip.
Neville put his hand to your forehead to ‘check your pulse’, to which you could hear Remus softly blow air out of his nose. He moved from the doorway to kneel beside them whispering, “If only we had read a book that told us what to do to wake her up.”
“A kiss!” Neville exclaimed, earning a harsh shush from Harry. Neville giggled and whispered the same words again. Remus ruffled his hair and nodded down at the boy.
“That’s a good idea, Sir Neville. Try it and see if it works.”
You couldn’t help but smile at the soft voice Remus used with the boys. You always admired how the marauders played with Harry, but there was something extra special about the way Remus did it. He was so gentle and encouraging with them.
Neville began to lean in to kiss your cheek but was stopped by Harry’s small hand on his lips. He shot Neville a look that reminded Remus so much of the one Lily gave James when he says something stupid.
“True loves' kiss, Sir Neville! Remember?” he asked, the last word spoken through gritted teeth as if he was conveying something secret. Neville's face changed to one of understanding, before scooting over and making room. Harry turned to his beloved uncle Moony,
Remus’ eyes widened and his cheeks flushed immediately. His first thought was how much he wanted to, but his second was how much he couldn’t kiss you right now. Not while he’s playing pretend. This scenario had played out in his head over a thousand times and none of them involved children.
Remus shook his head and went to stand up, but Harry grabbed his hand. “But you’re the prince! You have to save the princess!”
You opened one eye and could visibly see how nervous poor Remus was. Since he had the boys’ attention, you took the opportunity to reach for his hand. He startled at the touch, then relaxed when your eyes met. You nodded at him softly as if to tell him it’s okay, just play along.
And you had meant that he could just pretend to kiss you. You figured he didn’t want to and was uncomfortable at the thought. That was not how Remus understood it. Remus took your actions as an okay to kiss you.
He blushed and squeezed between the two boys who were watching in anticipation. He leaned down so that his face was hovering over yours, and you felt his hair fall against your cheek.
Before you could start acting, you felt his lips graze the corner of your mouth. Your eyes snapped open as the younger boys both cheered. Remus pulled back suddenly and looked down at you horrified. Had you not wanted him to kiss you? You brought your hand up to touch the place his lips just had.
Before Remus could see your face break out into a smile, he abruptly stood. “Tell Y/n goodnight,” he stated, turning away from you and waiting. Both boys kissed your cheeks and followed Remus up to Harry’s room.
—————————————————————
Remus entered the kitchen to see you sitting on the counter drinking out of a mug. You offered him one, but she shook his head. He didn’t want it to throw him off the apology he had just rehearsed over and over.
“I’m so sorry Y/n,” he started, running a stressed hand through his hair. “I don’t know why I thought that was okay. I clearly misinterpreted what you meant and I hope you can forgive me.”
“Mus,” you called softly. He turned to you, making eye contact for the first time since the kiss. “Come here.”
He walked towards you slowly, as if he were a scared animal. The smile you gave him has the crease between his eyebrows relaxing. You motioned for him to come closer. He listened to you and slotted himself between your legs.
You slowly moved your hand to the back of his neck, lightly running your fingers through his hair—something you had wanted to do since you felt it against your cheek earlier. The other hand rested on his broad shoulder. He leaned down and placed his head in the crook of your neck to hide his blush.
“If I didn’t want you to kiss me, I would have stopped the game.”
You felt Remus nod against your neck, his eyelashes tickling your skin. He places his hands on your waist, rubbing his thumbs slowly against the fabric of your sweater. He retracted his head from your neck, choosing instead to lean against your forehead.
“Can I do it again?” he whispered shakily. You could feel his breath against your lips as he looked at you with pleading eyes. You bit your lip and nodded. His hands tightened on your waist as he eagerly crashed his lips against yours. You tugged on his soft strands and he groaned against your lips, pulling you flush against him.
He pulled away with a sigh, keeping his eyes closed and resting his forehead against yours. He started laughing and you were brought back to reality. Your face grew hot and you removed your hands from his hair.
“What?” you pulled back to get a better look at him. He opened his eyes and shook his head, unable to control his laughter.
“Remus, what?” you whined. He brought his hands up to cup your face and kissed you softly again. This kiss was much shorter, but you felt the same amount of butterflies in your stomach.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”
+
"They kissed? Blimey, you exceeded my expectations kid," chuckled Sirius, handing Harry the new toy motorbike he had promised him for playing matchmaker.
“8 years. We tried to set them up for 8 years and my son does it in an afternoon.”
434 notes · View notes
shanastoryteller · 5 months
Note
Happy birthday!! Can we please get a continuation of Sacrifice is Free, or anything Untamed or Naruto? Thank youuuu
a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Obviously keeping Lee from being squashed like a bug is a higher priority than her secrets, but right now she’s really cursing Gaara for putting her in this position. Specifically, in her father’s office with her parents and the three saanin. It really feels like Orochimaru shouldn’t be here, at least, but he followed Jiraiya and no one had stopped him.
“It’s not a big deal,” she says, arms crossed. “I’ve seen you do it a million times.”
“It’s an intense burden on your chakra coils,” her father says, frowning.
She stares, biting back the retort she can feel on the tip of her tongue.
“I think she knows,” Orochimaru says dryly. “Seeing as she’s done it.”
“You be quiet,” Minato orders. Orochimaru rolls his eyes.
Kushina grabs onto her arm, tugging on it in a way that makes her want to pull it out of her grip and escape out the window, but she knows better. Her father knows she can do the Flash now, but obviously he can to. She’s pretty sure she can’t outrun him. “Honey, why did you – you can’t, it’s dangerous, you really shouldn’t strain yourself like this-”
“It’s fine,” she says. “Mom, relax. It’s not like I do it all the time.”
Where people can see her, anyway.
“You could be hurting yourself,” she insists. “Tsunade, come here, take a look at her.”
Naruto takes a step back, but her mother doesn’t let go of her arm. “No thanks. I’m fine. I didn’t even get hurt in my preliminary match.”
A ninja from Grass that she almost felt bad for. It was more effort to not make it look so easy than it was to defeat him.
“Pull up your shirt, Naruto,” her father says. “We should take a look at your seal. Just in case.”
Her blood goes cold. Before she can think up an excuse, Kushina is yanking up the hem her orange long sleeve to just below her chest. “Mom!”
“Is it bothering you? Are you feeling okay?” she asks, not even looking at her, instead staring at her stomach. She almost asks if her mother is asking the Kyuubi or her, but that would be a bad idea for several reasons.
She feels bad about this, but she pulls away from her mother, prying her hand off of her arm. “The seal is fine.”
“Here, this will only take a moment,” Jiraiya says, hand outstretched.
She’s debating using the Flash to get away, even though she knows that will just make everything worse in the long term, when Orochimaru flash steps to directly in front of her, blocking them all from getting to her, and presses his cool hand against her abdomen. She feels chakra moving against her skin and she’s about to shove a kunai in either his hand or his skull when he steps back and says, “The seal is fine. You’re all over reacting. Can we move on now?”
Naruto can hear her pulse pounding in her hears, fear and confusion swirling inside of her.
“Orochimaru!” Minato snaps.
Jiraiya puts an arm on her father’s shoulder. “I’ll just take a look-”
“As if you know more than I do,” Orochimaru scoffs.
Jiraiya’s mouth drops open. “I’m a seal master!”
Orochimaru raises an eyebrow. “Everyone in this room is a seal master. You’re not special.”
Naruto doesn’t move a muscle. He’s obviously not talking about her. Right?
“You can’t just put your hands on my daughter!” Kushina shouts, as if that’s not exactly what she’d been asking Jiraiya and Tsunade to do.
It quickly devolves into an all out shouting match between them. Naruto edges towards the window then slips down, quickly darting between buildings. Anyone looking for her will expect her to take the roofs.
Orochimaru couldn’t have created that distraction for her on purpose, could he? Why would he? He doesn’t even know her. Maybe he’s not as a good a seal master as he thinks he is and he really hadn’t noticed anything off about her seal.
Everyone always looks for her at the Uchiha compound first, and recently the second place they look is the Harunos. Any of her friends are too obvious and she doesn’t really feel like giving some ANBU the slip right now.
She heads to the apartments near the academy and knocks on a small apartment on the third floor. The door opens and she takes a step forward, resting her forehead against his chest. “Hi. Can I hide here?”
They’ll forget about it or get too distracted to care after a couple hours. At most a day.
Iruka sighs and curls his arm around her back, tugging her into a hug that settles almost all her irritation at once. “Of course, Naruto.”
345 notes · View notes
wolfjackle-creates · 8 months
Note
broski I beg of u to tell me about your Danny is Clark’s nephew wip im so intrigued
@hailsatanacab also asked about this one! I shared two snippets for them so check out Part 1 and Part 2. (about 900 words total between the two asks.)
This was inspired by the discussion on a prompt you made ages ago, actually! Here's the post. The main prompt isn't the inspiration, however. It was the comment about Danny joining the JL and [insert spiderman meme here].
Let's see if I have anything I can add. (I changed things enough when posting the first bits that everything else I have doesn't fit anymore.)
Eh, fine. Just went through and wrote another 600 words.
-----
Danny winced. “Yes, Uncle Cl— Kal. Uncle Kal.” Danny glanced next to him and realized Constantine had moved several feet away and was deliberately trying to not attract attention. He bit back a smile and pulled on the Prince Phantom persona Queen Dora had forced him to learn. “Thank you for your assistance, Laughing Magician. I now declare our deal complete and will make no further claims on you.” He waved his hand producing a piece of parchment which he handed over. “As promised, your payment.”
Constantine grabbed the paper and backed away quickly. “Great. Glad to do business with you, your highness. Hope your family reunion goes well. I’ll just—” he jerked a thumb over his shoulder, then changed something and disappeared through a portal even as several of the League members present tried to yell at him to stop.
Danny rolled his eyes as he fell back into his more relaxed demeanor. “Oh, please. What more did you want from him? I’ll talk to Uncle Kal and he can decide what is important to pass on. Magician Constantine already told you most of what he knows.”
“Just… come on, Danny,” said Uncle Clark. “We need to talk.”
---
Finding a place to talk to Danny wasn’t the problem, Clark quickly realized. Shaking off his coworkers, however… Bruce in particular did not want to be left out. And Wally was too curious to be put off.
“Danny?” called Clark when he realized the kid wasn’t with him.
“By the viewing window,” said Bruce. “He seems to enjoy the view.”
“Right. Should’ve guessed.” Clark cursed himself silently for forgetting how much the kid loved space. “Batman, please. I know you like to know everything. But can I just talk to my nephew alone? I’ll explain everything I can after, but I need to know how this situation could’ve happened in my own family without my knowledge first without you being there inserting Opinions.”
“Very well. I’ll collect Flash and we’ll leave the two of you alone. But I expect a full report after.”
“I’ll make a peach cobbler, Ma’s recipe, and head to the Manor tomorrow to tell you everything.”
“I’ll let Nightwing know.”
Clark sighed. “I’ll make two cobblers.”
Bruce’s lips twitched upward, but he turned without saying anything more. “Flash! Since this matter is going to be delayed, I believe you still have to file your report on the incident last week.”
Clark chuckled as Flash protested. But he didn’t listen to their discussion, instead joining Danny by the viewing window. He settled an arm around his nephew’s shoulders. “Beautiful, aren’t they?”
“I can’t believe you get to come up here and look out at the stars any time you want.”
“I don’t get up here as much as I’d like, I’m afraid. And when I am up here, it’s because something somewhere is going wrong so I don’t get to appreciate it as much as I’d like to.”
“So, if you’re an alien, does that mean Dad’s an alien, too? Is that why he is the way he is? Am I part alien?”
Clark laughed and ruffled Danny’s hair. Like this, it felt almost insubstantial, like passing his hand through mist. “Fraid not, kid. No one knows why your dad is the way he is. I can’t remember how often he was tested for the meta gene.”
“Once a year every year from the time he was six until he was twenty-two and graduated undergrad and started living on his own. Then he stopped for a few years. Until he started dating Mom. He accidentally broke her apartment door once and she insisted he get tested again.”
Clark wanted to laugh, but all he could remember was Danny’s earlier statement. “Danny… Are you…safe with your parents?”
-----
Again, anyone is free to continue this! If anyone wants, I can combine everything into one post to make it easier to do so.
267 notes · View notes
pedge-page · 5 months
Note
I can imagine preggo wife literally talking and talking and talking in the middle of a movie and gets offended and leaves when Joel tells her to quiet down
Joel Dealing with Preggo Wife : Yapper
Tumblr media
notes: Oh I had fun writing this! no warnings (maybe some Fugitive and Raiders spoilers), Enjoy!
- - - -
Joel’s pretty excited for movie night. It’s one of the few films the two of you don’t argue over and can pretty much watch the entire way through without disruption.
Or at least, it used to be.
Joel settles against the couch armrest with his feet propped up, knees bent slightly so you have room to sit in front. He’s got any snack you could think of within an arm reach away, and he’s got the title on pause so you can scooch your fat booty and big belly comfortably. Usually takes about 15 minutes of squirming, smacking his chest to “fluff” it up, adding a pillow at his crotch, then taking it away because you like his hard cock there instead, elbow in his groin and then his knee, then you gotta get up to pee before starting the whole process over.
“OK Im ready!” You say after 15 minutes on the dot, snuggling close to him with the back of your head rested against the crook of his neck.
He finally hits play, and the Lucasfilm logo flashes across the screen. The tropical forest and ominous music plays as the familiar font of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark fade on to the screen.
“Joel. Joel. Hey Joel.” 
“Y-yes?”
“Did you know Indiana was named after George Lucas dog? Who also was the physical inspiration for chewy?” You ask  rhetorically. 
It takes him a second to understand you’re asking him a question. “What?”
“Chewbacca! From Star Wars!”
“Oh ok neat,” he says with some enthusiasm, but quick to end it and get back to watching the movie—
“Yeah also Sean Connery is also apparently—well guess how much older he is to Harrison Ford.”
“Um—I don’t—I don’t know.” Joel says slowly, watching as Indy carefully removes the sand from the pouch and weighs it to the gold idol.
“C’mon, guess!”
“I really don’t know, can we—“
“12 years older than Harrison in Last Crusade! My mom was like ‘WHAT no way’ and I was like ‘Yes way’ and she was like ‘He's his father and he's got all that white in his hair and receding hairline’ and I was like ‘Joel's only in his late 30s and he's got white in his beard.’”
Joel can’t hear a damn thing happening on screen except the shouts about hating a pet snake named Reggie. “Wha—“
“Not that you look anything like Sean Connery in Last Crusade. Maybe in like Bond —oof he was the hottest Bond. Plus you got like a receding beard-line with all the patches, I don’t know, but my mom was like ‘Ya know Joel's got more white hair lately since you've been pregnant’ and I was like ‘Nah uh’ and she was like ‘Ya huh’ and I was like ‘Huh I wonder why that is…?’ Anyway but nope only 12 years between him and Ford—“
Joel turns to look at you with a frown, a bit confused and amazed at how you have so much to say, right now, oblivious as ever. 
It doesn’t phase your rambling one bit: “—Like damn, but you know Harrison Ford has always been handsome. But like in the bad boy kind of way, not like handsome upstanding like Christopher Reeves? When I saw The Fugitive, I was like ‘oooohhhh I'll be his wife now’ hahaha! no no I’m sorry, he’s famous and I’m not so that’s why I married you, but that's such a fall film don't you think? Minus the murder and betrayal and fucking Dr Charles Nickles like was he British or not? He was in and out of an accent the whole time? Didn't make sense to me but yeah, it's just such a fall Cozy film.”
Joel looks back at the screen and realizes Marion is already being cornered by the Nazi creep: “Ah huh—honey—“
“OH! I Love her song! It’s kind of like Leia and Han’s from Empire except the last notes are different, like it goes do doooooo instead of da dat dada daaaaaaa, That’s just John William’s for ya, but you’d never notice they were so similar!”
Joel opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out as you continue:
“—Also I know you said my mom made good apple pie but I really wanna try to make it because I want you to like mine more, so I need you to get some apples and pie crust and butter and stuff from the store, I’ll make a list so you can get it. They said we need ground cinnamon but I think ours expired like 5 years ago so don’t forget that. And then I'm gonna tell you how to slice the apples since I can't handle sharp objects and then oh I need you to get the mixer from the top shelf and then you have to mix it all together and slice the top with like little heart patterns and then put it in the oven n stuff ‘cause it's hot and I don't wanna burn OH and that reminds me—!” 
“BABE!”
“Hmm? yes?” You ask with a innocent smile. 
“Let's try to be quiet and watch the movie ok?”
He offers a gentle smile and nods, pointing towards the TV again and settling to watch it with his beautiful wife.
His very very very unhappy wife. Your eyes haven’t left his, face now downturned in such a scowl, he should be shitting his pants.
You roll your jaw at him once, teeth grinding against one another with slitted, murderous eyes. Joel gulps, too afraid to glance back at you again. His eyes are wide staring at the commotion on the television but, now in your deadly silence, he can’t seen to focus on it at all. 
Instead of saying anything, you roll polly up to your feet, arms crossed over your chest defensively as you utter a loud “Hmph!” before storming away from the living room.
He’ll have to deal with groveling tomorrow morning when you might be a little more welcoming. But on the bright side, he’s got way more room to spread out on the couch and he can hear the movie much better now! 
......... 
He switches it off and runs upstairs to get on his knees by your side of the bed, begging for your forgiveness and promises of a Clyde's milkshake to go. 
- - - -
Permanent Taglist
@harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrsoharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96 @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @puduvallee @cassiecasluciluce @loohoop
190 notes · View notes
butchcarmy · 7 months
Text
ALEXITHYMIA CH 1: onions, weed, and pizza
Tumblr media
Roommate AU: Carmy Berzatto x Reader (R18)
ao3 link ch 2 ch 3 ch 4
Summary: Carmy can’t put into words how he feels about his roommate. It’s only been a couple months, but here he is looking forward to going home and sharing a smoke with them. That’s all it is, though. There are no underlying feelings, none at all, even if everyone around him has something to say about it. 
Or: Carmy is repressed as ever, but through the combined power of vulnerability, weed, and the horny, Carmy too can find love. 
Tags: hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, mutual pining, slow burn, cursing, yearning, repression, SO MUCH REPRESSION, angst, mental illness, canon-typical imagery, unresolved tension, for now, virgin carmy, use of weed, alcohol, all that good stuff, carmy character study, eventual smut, gender neutral reader, nonbinary reader, up to you
A/N: HI I've never posted fic on tumblr before but i deeply love Carmy...please enjoy!!!
CHAPTER 1: onions, weed, and pizza
It always stays the same. 
This is the thought that Carmy has when he wakes up, gasping for a chance to just catch his breath and keep it. It’s a kitchen knife twisting like a lock and key in his chest. It fits just right, as all awful and familiar things seem to do.
No matter how many times he wakes up, he’s never anywhere different. That drowning feeling suffocates him in his sleep and follows dutifully into his waking hours. He can’t remember when that haunting started, only that it’s always been with him.
He hates feeling like a drifter, like he’s lost (even though he is both of those things), so he picks a goal and runs after it like a monster. He’s an animal, hunting and working and bleeding until he fucking makes it work , because that’s who he is, and that’s who he’s always been. He can’t not make it work. Because if he can’t do it, then…then what was it all for? 
What is he even for?
These are the thrilling thoughts that serve as the background music to the swirl of his cheap morning coffee, oils rotating in a slow circle. He thinks about getting a nicer brand next time he goes grocery shopping. But that would mean change. That would mean less money on the restaurant, too.
Yeah, so it tastes like shit, but it doesn’t matter. Even if it mattered once. Less and less matters to him these days.
Mornings in Chicago are not technically quiet by definition, but when compared to other times of day, they are. Especially when most of his day is spent in the kitchen wringing out his throat. It isn’t bad to have a quiet morning by normal means, but for him…
The quiet is dangerous.
It’s not silent, but it’s not enough. There’s distant beeping of impatient cars. The whirring sound of the old AC unit. He tries to listen to them, but his rampant thoughts nonetheless rise above them all, buzzing everywhere with nowhere to land. 
A brief analysis of his thoughts reads as such:
Beef sandwiches eggs flour shipment Michael cigarettes smoking sore throat late shipment so tired not sleeping Michael Sugar Mom coffee tastes bad it’s too early my stomach hurts Michael fucking hates you Michael Michael Michael Michael Michael you piece of shit you fucking ki—
“Mornin’, Carmy.”
Until his roommate wakes up, that is. 
When he moved back to Chicago, there was a fact, plain, simple, and unchanging. He wasn’t gonna make rent on his own, not with the restaurant. Not with everything. So maybe he didn’t need to deal with a new roommate, but it’s not like there was a choice. It seemed bearable, survivable enough.
He keeps waiting for the thing that’ll make him grit his teeth, make him regret not getting a place on his own, but it never comes. They’re easy to live with. It’s so easy, as a matter of fact, that it feels strange. The difficulty that he was so certainly expecting just isn’t there. 
If anything, he looks forward to being at home. For someone who lives at work, that feeling is completely foreign.  
They don’t steal his food (not that there’s much). Instead, they cook him food, leaving heated leftovers on the stove on late nights. In Carmy’s case, that’s most nights. They don’t bring over obnoxious company and keep him up with the noise. Rather, he basks in their company, and they make a ruckus between their laughter. Their presence doesn’t stifle him, it soothes him, just like the candle they leave lit in the kitchen for him when he comes home.  They’re not just easy to live with, they’re good to live with, and that’s…
That’s been a hard adjustment, Carmy would say. It’s too much of a good thing that he’s not sure what to do with himself.
On those late nights, they’re usually fast asleep by the time he’s home. But as he sits and eats the leftovers they’ve kept for him, he wants to say something. Something about how a long time ago, there was once a Carmy who cooked for himself, who looked after himself, but that he’s not that Carmy anymore. That it doesn’t matter that he’s a five star chef and they’re just some guy in the kitchen, as they would put it, because he’s…
He’s grateful. Incredibly so.
And yet, the words will never come out. He feels the words tingling on his lips, but it feels scary. He can thank them as many times as he likes (which he does) but it will never capture what he’s really trying to say when he says thank you . There’s too many words, and it just can’t…it just can’t—
It always stays the same. 
“You’re up early,” he says to them when they enter the room. It’s a rare sight to see them up at the early hours he frequents. He sees the morning drowsiness in their mussed hair and big t-shirt stained with hair dye. They yawn back at him, nose scrunching.
Cute , he thinks, and he stamps it down as soon as it flashes through his mind. 
“Randomly woke up.” They fall into the empty seat next to him on the couch, and they rub at the crust around their eyes. “About to head off to work?”
“Unfortunately, yeah,” he replies. There’s a certain sentiment that lies on the tip of his tongue, something about how he wishes he could have a slow morning with them instead. Of course, he can’t voice it. He can’t even come close.
“The plague of the working man,” they sigh. “Well, I got an idea that might cheer you up.”
“...And that would be?”
“Let me paint you a beautiful picture,” they start. They clear their throat and gesture widely with their hands. He notices their chipped nail polish, the writing callus on their middle finger. “Imagine this—you come home from work, tired. You need to relax —something you need to do more often,” they add with a pointed look.  No comment. “And I have dinner ready. Some sort of soup, pasta maybe. I need to check the fridge.” They pause with a yawn. “And before we eat, we smoke a big, fat joint.”
He snorts as they finish, unable to hold back a laugh. 
“That’s a nice picture,” he admits. He doesn’t remember when he started smiling. “Y’know, I was wondering when the joint was gonna pop in.” 
“You fucking know me, man,” they reply, blooming with his interest, his smile. Not that he can perceive that. “So? Thoughts? Haven’t done that in a while, right?”
“Right, right,” he echoes faintly. His mind is already sorting through the pile of tasks on the schedule. “Well, I gotta go over this new recipe with Marcus, today,” he mutters, partially under his breath. “But before that, ingredient orders. And those invoices before the end of the day—and that, that toilet guy was supposed to come today…I think?”
“Dude, I do like, one task, and the day’s over for me,” they say sympathetically, and the look on their face is so serious that Carmy struggles to hide his smile. “You’re crazy.”
“I, I’ve seen you do tasks,” he argues. 
“Name one,” they argue back.
“You did two loads of laundry and did the dishes all before lunch time once,” he says, the memory clear and instant. “And when I woke up, you were vacuuming the whole place.” The immediacy surprises him, and it seems to surprise them, too. 
“Damn, I said name one , but I guess I’m just that good!” They laugh, a breathy, exasperated sort of thing. “Well, point taken. Anyway, it sounds like you’re not gonna be home early tonight.” 
“It is a Friday,” he says, “but…”
“But.”
“Can’t make promises I can’t keep,” he sighs, and shame melts over him like butter on a stainless steel pain. This isn’t anything new. 
“I know, I know,” they say, gracious as ever. “It’s okay. Such is the life of a business owner, yeah?” He searches for some thinly veiled shred of disappointment, frustration in their expression, but he doesn’t. No matter how many times he lets them down, the explosion he’s waiting for never comes. They remain patient, collected through it all. 
Says more about him than them, he supposes. 
“Yeah,” he mutters, “such is the life.” 
“C’est la fucking vie,” they say, and he laughs with a shake of his head. 
It can feel strange to laugh. He worries that the lightness in his chest will expand like a balloon, and he’ll float away. It’s uncontrollable, foreign. It should be scary, how his emotions lead him when he’s around them, not the other way around, but it’s not. 
It’s not scary to loosen up around them, and that’s the scary part. There are no words to describe why. All he can see is that the fear exists, stubborn and persistent. That fear is what makes him snap out of it, makes him look at the clock. He holds back a sigh. 
“Time to go,” he mutters, and they nod.
“And time for me to go back to bed.” They salute him. “Best of luck with your day, brave soldier. And just shoot me a text if you do end up coming back early, ok?”
“Yeah, sure. I’ll try. And, thanks. You, you too,” he gets out. He stands up, readjusting the waistband of his pants. “I’ll, uh, see you later.”
“See you,” they say through a yawn, waving at him from where they’re lying down. They’ve taken his spot, sprawled across the couch, tangled hair flayed out on the pillows. 
Cute , he thinks again, and hearing the thought in his brain makes him wanna panic. 
He doesn’t wanna panic, doesn’t wanna think about it at all, so he nods, shuts the door, and heads out to work with a cigarette hastily lit in his mouth. 
By the time it’s Carmy’s lunch break, he swears his vocal cords must have snapped by how tight he was wringing them. 
The soreness has never stopped him from lighting a cig, though. As he stands outside in the back, finally forced to go on his 30, he smokes rather than eating. There’s a sandwich in his pocket, one that was bearing the brunt of test ingredients. He can feel the aluminum wrapping at his fingertips. 
Eventually, he does eat, though, because he sees the way his hands are shaking when he flicks his lighter. He doesn’t wanna shake when he uses a knife, so he eats. He tastes it, but he doesn’t really taste it.
In truth, he wasn’t even planning on taking his lunch break at all. Most days, he forgets about it. The kitchen’s always busy, there’s always something missing, there’s always something that hasn’t been prepped that’s ruining everything, the lights in the hallways keep flickering because they need to fixed, Fak’s supposed to fix them, but he can’t, because Richie’s still out getting the replacement bulbs, the pile of papers on his desk are bigger than he remembers, he doesn’t have enough fucking time—
But then he’s in the middle of chopping an onion, and the cutting board slips. The half-chopped onion and its sliced offspring scatter on the floor with the cutting board. The sound of its fall draws Sydney in like a whip. 
“You okay? Need a bandaid?” Sydney’s already kneeling by him, helping him pick the onions off the floor. 
“I, I’m fine, didn’t drop the knife,” he explains, and it feels like an ocean current is rushing by his ears. “Fucking, I just—such a stupid fucking—” He sucks in a breath and goes silent. 
His entire body feels tight, wound like a spring. He can barely fucking breathe. 
“Hey.” Carmy turns his intense stare from the onions to Sydney, and when he sees her searching expression, he remembers himself. “Maybe you should go take your lunch break.”
“No, I’m fine, really,” he repeats, and he feels like he’s heard this before. From someone else. He can’t remember. Who was it? “The onions—we’re behind on onions—”
“I can handle onions for 30 minutes,” she interrupts, decisive and firm. “Seriously.”
Carmy’s about to say something, but then he’s looking at the onion half in his hand. His hand is shaking. 
“Okay,” he sighs after a beat. “Okay, yeah. Sorry. For fucking up.”
“It happens. We all have our moments.” She shrugs. When he keeps standing there, she makes this shoo-ing motion with her hand. “Go on. Take your 30!”
So here he is, taking his lunch break a whole hour later than he’s supposed to. Although it’s better than most days where he doesn’t take it at all.
She wouldn’t have had to tell you to take a break if you didn’t fuck it all up, he thinks to himself, eyebrows knitted together. When the last time I’ve fucked up something so fucking easy?
He thinks about his dream from last night. A familiar sight of red fire and flames up to the ceiling, crackling so loud it sounded like screaming. The only good part is that when he woke up, he wasn’t at the stove burning his place down. It hasn’t happened at this apartment yet. Carmy hopes it never happens. 
Just get it together, he thinks. He aggressively taps the ash out onto the decrepit ash tray they have in the back. It’s full. You’re supposed to be at this shit. So just be good.
“Cousin.” Carmy snaps his head up, and Richie’s at the door, stepping out. His presence yanks him out of his inner whirlpool, a quickly descending spiral. “Gimme one.”
Wordlessly, Carmy hands him a cigarette. Richie plucks it out of his hand like a flower.
“You had a lighter, but no cigarette?” Carmy comments, squinting at Richie pulling a busted up red lighter from his jean pocket. 
“Shut up,” Richie mutters, but there’s no heat behind it. “Got the wrong damn light bulbs,” he explains unprompted. 
“Alright,” Carmy sighs. He has so little energy that the frustration bypasses him completely, diving instantly into deflated acceptance. “Just return ‘em.”
“Can’t,” Richie says, and when Carmy gives him a look, he elaborates, “no receipt.” 
“ Dude .” Carmy opens his mouth, but then he shuts it again. It’s just not worth it. “Thanks anyway, cousin. We’ll get it done.”
“Don’t fuckin’ thank me, you asshole. I didn’t do shit.” Richie nudges him, but like before, it’s not an angry thing. “Also, toilet guy’s not comin’ today.”
“The fuck? Why ?”
“Canceled,” he replies simply. 
“Fucking hell,” Carmy mutters under his breath. “Did he say when he could reschedule?”
“Not yet.”
“Great.”
“Yep.” Richie tilts his head up, blowing out a slow stream of gray cigarette smoke. “Might as well wait for Fak to get his ass back in town at this rate.”
“I guess.” Carmy sighs. He thinks about all the things he still needs to do. “I dropped this onion I was chopping, earlier,” he mentions out of nowhere. 
“Okay.” Richie gives him a look. “And? You bitches chop those things up faster than I could cut one in half.” 
“I dropped it on the floor,” Carmy tries again, but Richie’s expression remains unchanged. “I never do shit like that.”
“Well, cousin, you did.” Carmy feels something in him deflate. “What’s the big deal?”
“Nevermind,” he replies, because he’s a coward. “Just—just forget it.”
Silence. The spark of a lighter. 
“I’m gonna leave early,” Richie says, like he can just do that. Which…he can, Carmy supposes. “If no one’s gonna show up, what’s the point?” He slaps Carmy’s back, and Carmy doesn’t watch him as he heads back inside. 
Guess all I need to do later is get rid of those papers on the desk , Carmy thinks to himself, idly moving the shortening cigarette between his lips. Then that’ll be it, I guess.
He doesn’t remember the last time he’s gone home early. It’s hard to even imagine what he does on days like those. Sleeping, probably.  There’s nothing much else for him to do, not with how tired he is—
Shoot me a text, okay?  
He hears them in the back of his head all of a sudden, and he remembers. 
Oh, he remembers, hands moving to take out his phone. Almost forgot.
“Sorry to bother you, chef.” Carmy’s not sure how he didn’t hear the door opening. Marcus’ head pops out, nose covered in flour. “Just wanted to let you know that we’re gonna need more flour for tomorrow.”
“Order’s not gonna come for a couple days. I thought we had an extra bag left,” Carmy tries, but the guilty look on Marcus’ face explains it all. 
“Dropped it,” Marcus grimaces, and Carmy’s already fucking over it. 
“We’re all fucking up today, chef,” Carmy replies, and the day goes on. 
. . . . .
It’s a strange, delightful miracle, but he manages to get out of the restaurant before the sun sets.
Considering their collective track record, the fact everyone was able to leave early was cosmic intervention. It helps that the toilet guy didn’t come, in an unfortunate way, but still. Standing outside of the restaurant in the evening like this feels…weird. 
It’s not that Carmy’s complaining about a nice thing, it’s just that he wasn’t prepared to have anything good today.
Shower, dinner, and weed, he thinks absentmindedly on the way home. He juggles the three around in his brain. Just the thought of it feels like relaxing. A little.
With company , his brain helpfully adds, and his stomach squirms. 
Self control, he thinks. He needs more self-control. He can’t just keep thinking of them so indulgently. He’s not allowed to think of them that way, because it’s not fair to them. Even if no matter how many times he chastises himself, it never works. Even if they remain in his brain like sun-spots in his vision. Even if it’s not his fault that he just can’t help it.
The thing is, though, it always is. Even when it’s not his fault, it actually is. Always.
You dropped that fucking onion , his brain helpfully adds for no particular reason. Fucking loser.
Fuck off , he thinks back as he approaches his front door. Predictably, it does not stop.
Just as his fingers search for his keys in all of his pockets, he hears something that makes him pause, hands stopped on his waist. It’s music, distant and muffled. They’re probably listening to music in the kitchen. He stands, trying to place the song, but he doesn’t recognize it. 
He does recognize the voice that’s singing over the music, though.
Oh, he realizes. That’s them.
The way their voice clumsily layers over the music shouldn’t make him pause like this. He shouldn’t be doing this, standing in the doorway and listening rather than opening the door. The keys are in his hand. This, this is a breach of privacy, he tells himself, feeling a little dizzy with distress, he just needs to just—
There’s an abrupt, loud clang, and he shoves the door open.
Concern is on the tip of his tongue, but it dies there. The source of the noise lays face-down on the floor—a pan sitting in what seems to be tomato sauce. The matter next to it is what makes the words evaporate from his lips, like they were never there at all. 
They’re kneeled down next to the pan, paper towels in hand, but all they’re wearing is an apron. 
His mind blanks. He thinks he stops breathing. He’s never seen so much of their skin at once. He needs to look away, he thinks, but his eyes keep traveling, traveling, and traveling. It just happens so quickly. He doesn’t mean to look, he doesn’t, but they’re right there and he can see right down their—
“No, I—I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were coming back early!” They exclaim, quickly crossing their arms over their chest, and that’s what makes him tear his eyes away. 
“I—I thought I texted you,” he says quickly, hot face turned to the side, “on my lunch—...“ He stops there, the memory reconstructing itself. 
He forgot.
“It’s fine, I just feel bad about dinner, and, uh—okay, I’m just gonna change real quick, and then I’ll clean this up,” they reply, words rushing out. In the corner of his vision, he sees their bare legs dart to their room.
It seems wrong to just stand here staring at the tomato sauce slowly expand outwards on the floor, so he cleans it up. A couple paper towels later, he’s gotten most of it, and they’ve returned with a change of clothes.
“Sorry,” Carmy starts right as they also go “I’m sorry”. He pauses, meeting their eyes. It’s a lot easier now that they’re wearing leggings and a t-shirt as opposed to, well, nothing. Not to say he doesn’t appreciate the leggings. 
“Sorry you had to see me like that,” they sigh. “I don’t—I don’t usually walk around the place naked, I just—I didn’t think you’d be back—“
“I should’ve texted,” he interrupts. He struggles to not think about them walking around the living room naked. “I forgot. But it, it’s fine. You’re fine. Really. Sorry for not texting.”
“Okay. Cool.” They exhale, a tired noise. “And it’s okay. It happens.” They look at the floor and make a sound of surprise. “Did you clean this up?” The look they give him has far too much gratitude, and it feels like a searing hot iron.
“Yeah, uh.” His hands are moving like he’s trying to explain something, but no words crop up. “Felt weird not to.”
“Well.” They smile, grateful. “Thank you. That was gonna be dinner, but…” They trail off, looking at the floor with a sour expression. “I fucked up.”
“It’s just that sort of day today,” Carmy mutters.
“Shitty day for you, too?” 
“Yeah. Lots of shit went wrong.” Especially me, he thinks, but he doesn’t say it. “You?”
“Gotcha.” They shrug. “As for me—yeah. Really not my best day. It was just, uh, some family shit. You know how it is.”
Carmy makes a sound of acknowledgement. “That sucks.” He doesn’t know much about their family other than that they’re fairly shitty. It’s the same the other way around, too. 
“It’s whatever,” they say, even though it really isn’t, and he knows it. They look at the floor one more time before looking up at him. “Do you just wanna order pizza or something?”
“Yeah, I do,” Carmy replies, his words coming out much more despondent than expected. 
They settle on some pepperoni pizza from a place down the street. It’s a tried and true method—they deliver, it’s cheap, it’s oily, it’s cheesy, it’s good. Just talking about it makes Carmy taste it on the tip of his tongue. 
“You can go and shower if you want. I’ll get the door when pizza comes,” they offer. They’re standing at the sink, sleeves rolled up. 
“Okay, thanks.” Carmy pauses then, gears turning. He’s vaguely worried his memory is going to shit. “Did—did I just say I was gonna shower?” 
“Oh, no, you didn’t, you just always shower when you get home from work, right?” They say it like it’s the weather, like it’s familiar, and that’s when Carmy realizes because it is. After several months of living together, of course they’ve picked up on his habits. It doesn’t need to be a thing. There’s no reason for it to be a thing.
“I do,” Carmy replies faintly, and for some reason, that’s all he can say. 
“Thought so.” They look at him for just a moment, but it makes him feel like his body’s gone transparent. “I notice these things, you know.”
“Yeah.” Carmy looks at them when they turn back to the dishes, back facing him. “You do.” 
He tells himself he’s not gonna think any harder about any of it. He’s not gonna think about the singing, the apron, the way they just notice these things, but then he does. 
He’s in the shower, and he thinks about everything.
The water pressure is pathetic, but the warmth still feels nice. Between that and the sound of the running shower, it’s usually enough to quiet his thoughts. This time, though, it doesn’t. To his credit, he does try to think about anything else. 
He thinks about work, because he always does. He thinks about flour, about onions, about knives. He thinks about the shampoo lathered in his hair. He thinks about those lightbulbs they still need to get. He thinks about food. He thinks about them. He thinks about pizza. He thinks about the way they sing when no one’s around. He thinks about the way they know him. 
He thinks about them, knees on the floor only in a—
He thinks of bashing his head into the tile wall until he explodes.
“Shut the fuck up,” he whispers to himself, rivulets of hot water trailing down his forehead and dripping off his lips. “Shut the fuck up.”
The soreness is still present in his body, but that never quite goes away. He does feel a bit better now that he doesn’t have sweaty, sticky skin, though. It gets even better when he puts on a clean white t-shirt and his favorite sweatpants. It’s a nice surprise from his past self who did his laundry for him. 
This amount of niceness is okay. This is what he’s used to—a shower and comfortable clothes when he’s home from work. That’s enough.
He steps out into the kitchen with a damp towel on his head. He finds them sitting by their one shitty window that opens, pizza box in front of them and joint lit. It casts an orange glow to mix with the golden light from the window. 
“Hey, pizza’s here!” They slap their hand on the greasy cardboard box. “Just got this joint started for us, too.”
“So you weren’t gonna smoke it all on your own?” He doesn’t mean to tease, but he does. He slips into the seat across them, arms resting on the table they placed by the window. 
“I couldn’t smoke this whole thing even if I wanted to,” they protest. “Besides, joints are made for sharing. Here—now you get to take it. Isn’t that nice?” With their elbow propped up on the pizza box, they hold up the joint to him. The lit end of it sizzles a bright orange, emitting a thin trail of smoke up to the ceiling. 
“That is very, very nice,” Carmy agrees, taking it carefully from their fingers. Their face spreads into that contagious grin of theirs, and he’s far from immune. Sometimes he smiles so much around them that his face hurts, rusty and unused. 
Sure, he can blame that on the weed, but if he’s being honest with himself (a rare occasion), that’s a complete lie. Obviously the weed lessens the tension, the stress that winds him up tight. It’s not just the weed that gets him to relax, though. 
It’s them. There’s something disarming about their presence, something that makes him loose-lipped around them. Even when he’s sober, he finds himself feeling comfortable. He’s not quite sure how that happened, or if that’s ever happened. He supposes that isn’t a bad thing. Just something he’s noticed. 
He wonders if they’ve noticed. 
“You like the new rolling papers?” They tuck their knees under their chin, propping their feet up on the chair. 
“Hm.” Carmy lowers the joint from his mouth to give it a good look. He rotates it around in his fingers. “Strawberry?”
“Yeah, it’s strawberry,” they confirm, poorly hiding the excitement in their demeanor. Not that they were trying to. “Can you taste it?” 
He pulls from the joint, the edges of the paper sizzling red with the weed. It’s an even burn this time. He rolls his tongue around in his mouth after he exhales a cloud of smoke. 
“Still no,” he decides after a beat, and they sigh. 
“I don’t know why I ever get my hopes up.”
“I do taste something else in this, though.” He takes another hit, stews on it. “Lavender?”
“Shoulda known you would’ve gotten it on your first tray. Yeah, it’s lavender. I found some lying around.”
“You made this one pretty nice,” he observes, eyes tracing the shape of the joint. “Between the lavender and the new papers, I mean.”
“Well, y’know.” The smile on their face is small and shy. “I don’t smoke joints often, so I wanted to make it nice, and I, uh…”
They’re paused for so long that Carmy interjects. 
“And?”
“And I—want that joint,” they finally say, outstretching their hand. Carmy has a strong feeling that they weren’t originally going to say that, but he hands over the joint nonetheless.
“Strain?” He asks curiously. He can feel the body high creeping up his shoulders, fluid and light.
“The strain that gets you high,” they reply with a grin.
“Oh, thank god,” Carmy sighs in relief, and the way that makes them laugh… It makes his chest tight. 
“To actually answer your question, though—I dunno.” He likes watching the smoke drift from the tip of the joint as they talk, thin gray wisps in the air. “I think it’s a hybrid? Not sure if it’s more one way or not, though…”
“As long as it’s not the weed that puts you to bed.”
“Um…well, if you smoke enough of it, it can.”
They sit together like this for a while, just sitting and taking turns with the joint. It’s an easy, fluid exchange, flowing between them like smoke. No matter how much they both try to blow it out the window, it always comes back in. The smell of weed is strong in the air, earthy and pungent.  
Although he would never describe himself as a talkative person, sitting stoned across from them makes the words come out. Sometimes, he thinks he likes himself better when he’s high—his mind isn’t running circles around itself, and the soreness of his body just floats away. He feels more like a human than a poor imitation of one like he usually does. 
This weed smells kinda good, he thinks, and when they laugh, nose scrunched up, he realizes he said that out loud. 
“That’s literally what I’ve been saying,” they agree, a bright grin lingering on their face. “That’s how you know you’re a fuckin’ stoner!” 
“Feels weird to call myself a stoner,” he muses. He plucks the joint from their outstretched hand. It definitely looks shorter from when they started a moment ago. “But I guess…”
“If you like the smell of weed, you’re too far gone,” they say with a grave expression. “It’s so fucking over for you.”
“Fuck,” he whispers, equally as serious, and then they’re both bursting out into laughter. He likes the sound of their laugh—it’s unabashed, fills up the space. 
“Dude, I’m high,” they whisper after they both calm down, like it’s some sort of secret, and Carmy can’t stop himself from laughing all over again. “Oh my god. Are you high?”
“I—I think I might fucking be,” he gets out between laughs, and that sparks them straight into another cackle of laughter. He’s not supposed to be able to make others laugh, he doesn’t even make himself laugh—but then he’ll say something, and they’re lit up with laughter. 
“We need to eat this pizza now, ” they yell, projecting over their combined noise. They flip the pizza box open, and it smacks Carmy right in the face. 
“Oh,” he reacts mildly.
“Shit, I’m so sorry—”
“It’s fine, it’s not like you punched me in the face,” he reasons, but their guilty expression persists. “It didn’t hurt, it’s just cardboard.”
“I’m sorry, I’m high,” they sigh apologetically. 
“I know,” he replies with a little smile. His eyes drift down to the pepperoni pizza sitting before them, glorious in its perverse amount of oil. “So, we’re gonna eat this, right?”
“Oh my god, yes we are,” they gasp, and the moment is forgotten. 
When he tears off a pizza slice, the cheese stretches in thin, gooey strings. They grab the slice adjacent to it to snap the strings in half, but they’re both leaned back in their chairs, pizzas in hand, and the cheese is still connected. 
“This doesn’t seem right,” Carmy mutters, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “We should’ve just cut it.”
“How could we have predicted this?” They pull their pizza further back, and the string still doesn’t break. “Wow. I’m honestly impressed. I don’t think it’s ever been this insane before.”
“I think we’d remember.” He’s not sure why he’s still talking and not just running his finger across the string to break it. 
“I think we would, too.” They snort, shaking their head. “This—this is some spaghetti type shit.”
“What? Spaghetti?” He’s genuinely perplexed.
“I—I mean like—that fucking disney movie. With the dogs.” They pause for a moment, mouth silently moving. “Fucking—lady and the, the truck—”
“Uh.” He has to hold back a laugh. “...The lady and the tramp?”
“ Holyshittheladyandthetramp ,” they blurt out in a rush, and the cheese string finally snaps in half. “…Well, I guess it’s not exactly like the lady and the tramp, then.” They take a large bite of their pizza, and it reminds Carmy exactly how hungry he is. 
“You mean lady and the truck,” he corrects, and he can’t stop himself from smiling. Especially not with how good this hot pizza is, delightfully salty and greasy in his mouth. 
“Shut up, I was trying,” they grunt through a mouthful of food. 
“How exactly is this like the lady and the tramp, again? Or, uh, not like it?” 
“Well, it was just like it, but then the string broke.” Somehow, they’re already halfway through their slice. “Could’ve been a beautiful spaghetti moment.”
“Spaghetti moment,” he echoes under his breath, holding back a laugh. “Remind me how that scene goes?”
They go quiet for a moment. It’s like he can see the gears turning in his head. If he’s being honest, he already remembers how that scene goes, but…he wants to hear them say it. He needs to hear them say it. 
“Uh, well, they’re…eating spaghetti. The titular lady and tramp.”  Their eyes are fidgety, flickering back and forth between their pizza and the window. “And they’re sharing the plate, the two of them. They’re eating together, and, um…” 
“...And?” 
They meet his eyes, mouth hanging open, and then they close it. 
“Um, I don’t remember, actually,” they say, shaking their head and blinking. He sees it for the blatant lie that it is, and yet. “Do, do you remember?”
As he stares back at them, unable to look away, he wonders. He wonders about what this really means. About if this really means anything at all, about if he’s going to find out if it does. 
“I don’t remember,” he answers quietly, cowardly, and neither of them say anything else.
Out of the two of them, they’ve always been better with recovering from awkward moments, so they do. They start talking about something else, and the world keeps turning. But in the back of his head, Carmy remains in that moment, unwilling to let it go. 
Why did you say that you didn’t remember? He wants to say. Why didn’t I say that I remembered how it went? Because I remember. They kiss—they fucking kiss. Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that what I wanted to hear?
But because he’s Carmy, he doesn’t say anything. He just eats.
He’s so hungry that the pizza disappears in minutes. It’s delicious, but he’s so high he’s not completely sure he can taste it. Somehow, it remains the best thing he’s ever eaten. 
The rest of the night is a blur. He remembers getting onto the couch at some point. They both decide on a random movie he doesn’t catch the name of. They finish off the joint on the couch together, sinking into its cushions. It burns hot in his throat as it reaches the end. 
And as it turns out, the weed he smoked is the one that puts him to bed. 
“...Ca…Car…” Someone’s calling him. “...Carmy, c’mon. You’re gonna complain about your neck tomorrow if you keep sleeping here.”
“Mhm,” he replies helpfully. He turns his head into the cushion. His body feels like an abstract blob, perfectly molded into the couch cushions.
“Okay, you made a good point. But. ” They laugh quietly, under their breath. “Movie’s been over for like 20 minutes now.”
“Mhm,” he repeats, nearly inaudible. He doesn’t wanna get up. Whenever he falls asleep, it always feels like he’s never gotten an hour of sleep in his life. There’s nothing he needs to think about, worry about. He’s warm and comfortable, and he doesn’t feel like letting that go just yet.
Everything goes silent again for a moment, save for the cars on the road. He begins to drift away again, slipping back into his dreamless sleep. 
But then there’s a hand on his shoulder, and it’s like a smoking brand on his skin. His eyes fly open and he jolts awake, jerking upright. 
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” they apologize, fretful. Between the dark of night and haze of sleep, they look pretty different. The blue light from the television is streaked across the blurry planes of their face.
“It’s fine,” he replies, drowsy. Speaking feels…heavy. Begrudgingly, he adjusts to sit up. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“Weed,” they say with a shrug. 
“How, how long was I—?” He cuts himself off with a yawn, wide with condensation in the corners of his eyes. 
“Only like, 30 minutes.” They yawn back. Typical infectious yawning. “End of the movie sucked anyway.”
“Oh.” Pause. “What was the ending?”
“Love interest died,” they state plainly. “He told her about how he felt, got rejected, and then she died in a car accident. Pretty tragic.”
“Huh.” Carmy makes a face. “That does suck.”
“Yeah, a bit.” They’re idly fiddling with the remote, scrolling through Netflix without reading anything. “I feel like the movie was trying to say something profound about the unpredictability of life or something, but the writing was shit.”
“I guess it’d be too perfect if they got together,” he muses.
“I guess,” they echo. They turn off the tv, and the room goes dark. The only light is from the yellow street lamp right outside their window, wonderful in its inconvenient placement. It illuminates the shape of the back and leaves their face in shadow. “I think I remember how that scene went,” they say suddenly. 
“Oh.” Carmy’s heart feels stuck in his throat. “And how does it go?”
“Well, they’re—both eating spaghetti. Like I said.” They’re not facing him, leaving their face shrouded in shadow. He’s not sure if he’s imagining the shake in their voice or not. It’s beyond him why there would be any shakiness at all. “They somehow get the same noodle, so they, uh, kiss.”
“They kiss,” he repeats for some unknown reason.
“Yeah.” They let out a quick laugh, but it doesn’t sound like they actually find this funny. He wishes he could see the look on their face. 
“I don’t think pasta works like that,” he hears himself murmur faintly. For some reason, he can’t help but think that was the wrong thing to say. But he’s already said it. Maybe it’s the same reason as to why his heart is beating so urgently. 
“No, I, I don’t think so either,” they mumble. He refuses to place the way they’re feeling. 
I can’t fucking do this.
The thought resounds like a gong, hit with a mallet right next to his ear. 
“It’s late, I gotta head to bed.” It feels like someone else is speaking for him, moving his body for him. He can’t stop them. When he stands up, he avoids their face.
What the fuck are you doing?
Another thought resounds. He doesn’t respond.
“Right, I—didn’t even notice the time.” He pretends he doesn’t hear the strain in their voice. No, he didn’t word that right—there is no strain in their voice. “G’night.”
"Night,” he murmurs back.
This is enough, he tells himself as he falls into bed. His sheets are tangled. This is enough , he repeats, and it’s not because he’s scared, afraid, anxious, or any other stupid synonym. It’s because he believes it, needs to believe it. 
He tells himself, this is enough , even though he wonders, what is supposed to be enough? He doesn’t listen. He stamps down the protests, the thoughts that are out of line. The high usually helps with that, but it’s worn off, now just leaving him in a weary, sleepy state of things. 
This is enough, he thinks, and he falls asleep looking at their shrouded face behind his eyelids.
295 notes · View notes
jb5lover · 9 months
Note
Your friend group always making fun of how obsessed you and jude are with each other, and your both so shameless about it too 🫣 you’ll be sneaking away from the rest of the group to do stuff or you’ll just be excessively touchy/kissy around everyone, and they’ve learned to just deal with it so one day you guys are all getting ready to go out and you can’t get over how good he looks. So like two minutes before you guys leave, you call him upstairs with a lame ass excuse like “i need help finding jewellery” but everyone knows what that’s really code for. And his friends can totally hear you cuz ur terrible at being quiet so eventually they tell him they’ll just meet him there🤭
the two of you have become notorious for basically undressing each other with your eyes or initiating heated kisses when other people are around and all of your friends can never help but roll their eyes whenever it happens. typically it takes a couple of cushion whacks to the head or bullhorns in your ear to get the two of you away from each other because a simple “there’s other people here!” won’t do the trick.
you guys had all planned to have a dinner to celebrate jude’s birthday now that he was finally back in town. it had been a while since you’d all seen each other and the feeling of excitement was mutual. you of course got ready at jude’s house, where your friend group had agreed to meet. throughout the night the two of you were throwing glances at each other as you got dressed. you watched him in the mirror as he came out of the shower with his towel around his torso, you eyed up him and down as he threw on his dress shirt, you held yourself back from jumping on him when he sprayed his cologne around his upper body.
after the two of you had finished dressing, you took a couple of pics in the mirror, with his hand snaked around your waist and your head tucked in his neck. “you look so nice,” you told him turning to face him momentarily. “likewise. it’s a shame your hair and makeup looks so nice cause all i can think about right now is messing that up a little,” he whispered into your ear and he placed soft kisses along your neck and chest. you desperately wanted to hold his head there but instead he pulled away, “okay, you finish your touch ups and i’ll meet you downstairs” he said causally, as if he didn’t just single handedly cause your legs to go weak.
you stayed alone for a few moments in the room trying to clear your mind, before heading downstairs in hopes in making this feeling go away. you entered the living room where a few of your friends and your boyfriend were seated on the couch waiting for you. “you look gorgeous babe, ready to go?” one of your girls complimented. “aw, thank you. um, not yet actually. i can’t seem to find the necklace that goes with these earrings. jude, would you help me find it?” you asked, trying you best to sound innocent. “oh, i can help,” she spoke up but you immediately shut it down.
“uh, no, that’s okay. it may have gotten mixed up with his mom’s jewellery, so jude, can you come upstairs? now, please,” you pressed, the desperation becoming obvious in your tone. your friends all exchanged that look with each other, knowing what ‘help me find my jewellery was really code for. jude excused yourself and followed your up the stairs with his hand in yours. “we have to go soon, so be quick!”
your friend’s voice was completely drowned out by the sound of your door slamming shut urgently as you yanked him into his room. “i need you so bad,” you whined against his lips, amidst the messiest and most rushed make out ever. “love, we have to-”
“no, i know,” you interrupted, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him in closer, “but i need you to fuck me, please.” he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t as down to do this as you were, quickies had become a staple in your relationship due to his busy schedule. but something about hearing you beg was just gonna do it for him every time, without fail. “say that again,” he egged you on. and if you were any less desperate, you would’ve rolled your eyes and told him to shut up, but instead you did as he told and repeated that phrase that would inevitably make him go feral.
before you knew it, he was pressing you against the desk he had bought for you in his room. it allowed you to prolong your stays with him instead of having to go fly home constantly to carry on with schoolwork. without breaking the kiss, you both worked to knock all of the papers, pens and books off of the table to make room. once it was clear, he lifted you up from under your thighs, stepping in between the gap between your legs as he sat you on the desk. “oh, we’ve never done it here before,” you commented as you rushed to unbutton his jeans. “first time for everything,” he replied, scrunching your dress up to reveal your now soaked underwear.
it wasn’t your intention to be as loud as you were, it was just part of your nature. your quietest volume was still loud enough for someone within close range to hear exactly what was going on, and a part of you couldn’t even find yourself to be embarrassed anymore. “fuck, you’re so good,” you cried as jude pounded harshly into you, causing the table to crash against the wall repeatedly. he groaned into the kisses he was leaving on your neck as you pressed your hand into his hair. “don’t stop, please,” you begged. he carried on giving it to you as good as he could, trying to hold back his own noises that were threatening to come through.
it was a miracle that between the sounds of your skin slapping and the table against the wall, you managed to hear the knock on the door. “uh, yeah?” you called out, as you tried to focus your attention on which of your friends was just outside his room, instead of the feeling of jude rubbing your clit at a rapid pace. “you guys ready yet, cuz the reservation is booked for 8? it’s almost half 7.”
“yeah, we’ll be read-fuck!” you weren’t sure if jude had purposely hit your sweet spot in that moment, but either way it was terrible timing because it had you moaning embarrassingly loud while his best friend stood just a few metres away. noticing that you were in no state to speak, jude took over while he let you express yourself as much as you needed to. “yeah that’s calm,” he called out, his own eyes shutting from how amazing it felt to be inside you, “we should be done in like ten minutes.”
“twenty,” you shouted out, correcting your boyfriend as you looked directly in the eyes while sliding your dress off your shoulders completely. he looked mesmerised by the sight of you, and knew there and then that even twenty minutes would’ve seemed like a rush. “you know what, how about we meet you guys there?” he suggested, proceeding to speed up the pace and become more aggressive with his thrusts.
his friend tried not to be disgusted by the noises come from your room, deciding to just give a hurried response and run downstairs. the two of you waited until you heard the front door shut, and then you knew you were free to be as loud and disruptive as you pleased. at least until the further extended thirty minutes were up.
335 notes · View notes