#but oh my GOD it was worth it just for that last scene imo there was NO better way to get that dread across better

[southern--downpour]

mentally vibrating about genloss again. i really dont think the ending would have had that big of an impact on me if it hadnt been live and actively voted for by the audience there was no way to get across the feeling of “did i just help kill someone?” and the pure dread of that any better and its so fucking cool

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

WHAT THE HELL WHY IS SNAPE SO MUCH MORE CRUEL IN THE BOOKS? 💀 Thank you so much for telling me all that btw, I think I understand why so many hate him now, since I've only seen the movies I was always flabbergasted when people said that they hate Snape but bro is a literal creep. Taking Lily's photo is sooo weird wtf 😭 Also why is he tormenting a literal 11 year old boyy. Damn. And poor Hermione :')

Thank you for your time btw! ^^

Also, are there any honorary mentions in the books? Not necessarily about Snape too perhaps but maybe anyone or anything else? Like, are the books that different from the movies? Low-key makes me wanna read them but I don't feel like buying the books 💔 (':

You don't need to buy anything! It's free if you search online. I haven't bought a single book but I've read the whole series online and even found the audiobooks free online lmao.

Honorary mentions?

Tbh, when Harry visits his parents graves in deathly hallows, I was always moved by the line 'he wished he was sleeping under the snow with them'

And I think all the chapters in Half blood prince that focus on Voldemort's memories from when he was a young man are super engaging. Everything about his family is interesting, imo.

I liked how, when Hermione asks Ron to be her date to Slughorns party, Harry gets all flustered and says he 'knew something like this would happen'

I like how, when Harry uses the resurrection stone in the last book, he and his mother are so enthused to be able to look at each other that they just gaze at each other for a bit.

I LOVE the scene with Madame Maxine and Hagrid when we find out Hagrid is a half giant. I'm a sucker for characters telling people they like "don't go". And I love how Harry is all like "oh damn. I should NOT be hearing this conversation"

There's a moment where Harry tells the dursley's that Voldemort has come back, and aunt petunia expresses fear. Harry says it's the first time he appreciates that petunia is his mother's sister. I think it's so cool that petunia, someone who does her best to live a smuggle life, is still very aware of the kind of threat that Voldemort is. I feel like that's a detail a lot of people look over. To me, that scene adds a whole new layer to how terrifying Voldemort is.

I like how Neville gets given a candy wrapper by his mom (she was tortured to insanity and has been permanently hospitalized. Neville was raised by his gran as a result) and his gran tells him to throw it away, but when he thinks no one is looking, he stuffs it into his pocket instead. Like. God. I just love that scene. Neville's mom doesn't know who he is. To me, I read that scene and can't help but think "Neville has never received a gift from his parents. He keeps that wrapper because it's the only thing his mom has ever given him. It is the only type of 'gift' that he will ever receive from his mom" It drives me insane.

Oh and oh my GOD. I love how Hagrid is all like "Harry, I'd love you to win the tournament. It'd show everyone that you don't need to be pure blood to be worth something" and this moves Harry so much that he gets to work on solving the egg clue. Literally NOTHING anybody else has said to him has made him take action, but Hagrid's faith in him is what did the trick. And I love the line "there was something about lying to Hagrid that wasn't quite like lying to anyone else." Their relationship is honestly so pure. I love that Hagrid was Harry's introduction to the Wizarding world. He literally brings Harry to us, the reader (or watcher if we're talking the movies). Harry comes to us on Hagrid's motor bike. From the very beginning, Hagrid carries out Harry's introduction.

I love EVERYTHING about the way dobby adores Harry. You don't get much a sense of it in the movies, but their relationship is super wholesome. Dobby may have been a free elf, but he followed Harry's every command because he loved him so much. He straight up fought another elf for insulting Harry. He deserved better than what the movies did with him.

I will say, the one thing from the movies I like better is that I love the scene with Hermione and Hagrid right after Draco calls her a mudblood. I love how he holds her hand and says "don't you think on it" and Hermione's eyes are filled with tears but she smiles at him anyway. That was incredibly cute. Although, in the books, Hermione does not know what a mud blood is, and I think there is merit in having Ron--the only pureblood wizard--know what it is while Harry and Hermione do not. There's something so pure about Ron attacking Draco even though hermione doesn't know what a mudblood is. It's like "I don't care if you didn't hurt her feelings! I don't care if she doesn't know what that word means. I know what that word means and you're not going to talk to her that way."

Oh, and I like the part where Percy sends a letter to Ron telling him not to talk to Harry anymore. Harry being all like "I've know percy for 4 years. I've spent summers with him. He gave me top marks during the tournament. I shared a tent with him." is really effective and you can feel his hurt so well.

This post is so long lmao. I've left out so many good moments. My point is: read the books! You'll love them.

[myaheartsmarkie]

addicted - chapter three

word count: 12.9k

playlist: from time by drake, late at night by roddy rich, i want u around by omar apollo, wasting time by brent faiyaz, best you had by don toliver, luv is dro by jack harlow, and party by sik-k!

genre: smut, so much. mild one sided pining, jealous! jeno, angst, fluff (im team jeno yall lol), fwb! to lovers, student athletes! yn + jeno. the boyz! and dream + 127 member make side role! appearances. jaehyun is trying to fight jeno lol, haechan and kevin stir up trouble as per usual

warning(s): smut! smut! smut! (pls, if you're a minor - leave.) lots of swearing!!, jeno is toxic, and boy oh boy does it show. choking, spanking, slight public sex! (they're fucking in the locker rooms again lmaooo), teasing, dom! jeno, sub! reader, face fucking, spit play, cum play, oral (f! + m! receiving), tons of sex talk, established height difference (im not even short so lets not jump to conclusions, but the dominating role i wrote in for jeno imo calls for a significant height difference. im the author so pls respect it. if you don't like it don't read it. thanks.) reader has a smart ass mouth (if you're sensitive? ig..lol my mouth is reckless too so it feels normal) mentions of violence (jaebae isn't taking no shit in this chapter lmao), use of pet names (baby, angel, princess, etc..) jeno can be rough at times in some scenes, but not violent, some dry humping, slight size kink, i think that's it...lmk if i missed anything!

note from mya: ITS FINALLY HERE YALL!! omg this took so frickin long D: im so very sorry & i pray to every god that its worth it ! i worked hard lol. also i had originally written 14.8k but last night it got deleted bcus we had an outage & i guess it didnt back up properly :( but yea, you guys already know. no minors. if you're legal, happy reading :) taglist is posted at the bottom <3 . & of course this isn't revised lmao...fuck that. thanks for your patience & support, ily!

© myaheartsmarkie 2022 — all rights reserved !

—

“yn?” kevin said softly, knuckles grazing the frame of your door. 

he sighs when he receives no response in return. he looks back at jaehyun with a sad expression. jaehyun lets out a sigh, chest heaving angrily. 

“i’ll fucking kill him” he mumbles, turning around and stalking to the front door. 

kevin scurries to sit the plate of food down and catch his best friend before he reaches outside. kevin grabs jaehyun’s shoulder, halting his movements. 

“we don’t even know if it’s because of jeno,” kevin starts. 

“i know it is—god, i never liked that dickhead” he says, hands going to grip his hair out of frustration. 

“ok…but your rep too—you can’t just beat up the baseball captain and get away with it” he tells jae. 

jaehyhun sighs, moving to sit on the couch. he tugs his phone from his pocket, quickly finding your contact. 

jaebae: hey…ik you don’t wanna talk rn but me & kev are here for you, ok? you know we always are. so whenever you’re ready, we’ll be here waiting. i love u. 

jaebae: …and if it was that fucker j*no i promise you these hands are rated e for everybody, especially if they hurt you. 

you smile at the text messages. you love your best friends but right now…you weren’t up for any kind of communication. you were glad they knew that as well. hearting both of the messages from jaehyun before you turn your phone off again, burying yourself under your duvet. 

—

it’s been a long ass week. 

missing three days of class, constant crying, and using up your vacation days to sulk in bed can be very exhausting. luckily sungchan has been sending you his notes, filling you in on what you’ve missed. he was god sent, truly your guardian angel. his notes were filled to the brim, jotted down sentences in multiple different pen colors, he was so extra. the last photos he sent to you was yesterday. three pictures of his college ruled white paper concluding with a quick selfie of himself with a thumbs up, ‘get better, i miss u!’ drawn across the screen with a tiny heart. 

you haven’t thought about him. not today at least…but have you thought about him since the whole ordeal? yes. yes times a thousand. you can’t help it, your mind does its own thing. it doesn’t listen to you, no matter how hard you try to not do so — your mind betrays you. pictures of his stupidly handsome face, his stupid buff arms, and his stupid stupid stupid (very good) dick game. you can’t help it! 

you’re surprised with yourself though, the fact that you’ve actually mustered up the courage to block him and not text or call him back. it truly takes a ton of work and you’ve done well these past few days. the countless missed calls from the ‘no caller id’ contact and constant texts from the said man. begging for you to come back and his meaningless apologies. you’ve read them…hell fucking yeah you have, but have you replied? nope. 

you sigh, reluctantly sitting up in your bed. you eye the time, 11:06am. you have class at 12…if you get ready now, you can make it on time. you purse your lips in thought, do you really wanna go to class today? you shake your head, tugging the blanket from over you and make your way to the bathroom. 

—

jaebae: im going to practice and kev is at sunwoo’s. lmk if you need anything, sweetheart. 

you see the text from your roommate, eyes drifting from the mirror to your phone screen. you read it and smile. tooth rotting sweet as usual, what more do you expect from jae? you pick up your phone, texting him back. 

you: ok!! thank u but im good rn :) luv ya 

you lock your phone, continuing your activities. you press the plus sign on your speaker, upping the volume trying anything to get you into a good mood. mumbling some lyrics here and there while you get ready. once you’re done you twist the door of your bathroom, but you come to an abrupt pause. the house is empty now…which means you have no ride. you facepalm. you can’t text jae now, it’s been like 10 minutes since he left. you internally whine, moving to sit on your bed. you lay back dramatically, huffing as you wonder who the hell you could call. kevin’s free but probably tipsy…afterall in his world it’s always 5 o’clock somewhere. jaehyun and sungchan are at practice, jieun…we’re not even gonna think about her. who else even is there…? 

you sit up in a flash as his face pops up in your head. if you remember correctly he has a 12 o’clock class as well, so it shouldn’t be much of a hassle, right? you hurriedly grab your phone, scrolling until you stumble across his contact. 

you: hey bestie :D !! i need a ride to class, can you pick me up ? 

you cringe at the message, swiping up and out of the app. you bite your lip…were you being too forward? is this crossing any lines? was it too soon? 

you: if not it’s cool!! don’t worry about it lol..

you chuck your phone backwards onto your bed. palms covering your face as you groan loudly. was it always this awkward? like…texting? you don’t know, but what’s done is done. mainly because you can’t unsend it. 

ding!

you flinch at the sound, reluctantly picking up the cellular device. 

eric :) : sure!! be there in five :) 

eric :) : ps…cus you’re cute i won’t charge you for gas money :P thank me later

you roll your eyes at the second message, you’re glad he’s not being awkward about it. you were already emotionally fucked up…you didn’t need another problem added to your plate right now. you sigh happily, gathering your things and moving to the kitchen to grab a bite to eat. settling on a green apple, you bite the fruit scrolling through your fyp while you wait. 

eric :) : i’m here 

—

you make your way out the door, clutching your bookbag strap tightly. why were you so nervous? you weren’t even this nervous when you and him went on your first date! this is so backwards. 

watching your shoes as you hop down the stairs, making your way to his black jdm. you’re glad he’s not standing outside the car like usual, you’d be too embarrassed to look at him face to face. you grab the handle, pulling the car door open. slinging your bookbag off before you climb in. hand running down the back of your skirt to make sure it doesn’t bunch up when you sit. you close the door before turning to look at eric. when you do you let out an audible gasp. 

“o-oh my god!” you say, eyes wide with shock. 

eric laughs, running a hand through his hair. 

“when the hell?” you say, hand moving to touch his newly dyed hair. 

“two days ago, you like it?” he asks, body turning towards yours. 

your finger runs through his hair, admiring the new color. his eyes are on you, watching you with curious eyes. you were still so damn pretty. 

“i do…it suits you” you smile, retracting your hand from his head. 

“thank you m’lady” he grins, hands moving to start the car. 

you shake your head, buckling yourself in before he pulls off. 

—

you make your way through the hallway, squeezing through the many other bodies. you clutch your book bag to your side, trying your best not to bump into anybody. you stand atop your tiptoes trying to glance over the many heads. you eye your classroom, trying to push your way through in

the direction of your class. you successfully make it to class, pushing through the door and hurrying to make it to your seat. you sit down with a huff, head falling onto the table. if you knew it’d be this stressful you would’ve stayed home. 

you sat up, eyes curiously searching the classroom. there were a few other students scattered everywhere, but it wasn’t 12 yet…so more people are sure to show up. you didn’t see sungchan though, you pouted picking up your phone. 

you: HEY FUCKER!! WYA???

bambi: ??? you’re in class ??? 

you: YES

bambi: i’m almost there, save me a seat pls

you thumbs up his last message, sitting your bookbag on the seat next to you. in the last minute or so at least ten or twelve more students poured into the class. you rest your face on top of your open palm, blowing a breath out from your mouth obnoxiously. you really didn’t wanna be here. 

—

you and sungchan stretch in unison, fingers reaching towards the ceiling. you guys turn to face each other, laughing loudly. you both gather your things making your way out to the hallway, thanking the professor on the way out. you loop your arm through sungchan’s skipping side by side down the hallway. 

“you wanna get some food?” he asks and you nod happily. 

“ok, i gotta get my keys from my locker, come on” he tells you, leading you in the direction of the elevator. 

the two of you step into the elevator, pressing the number four. you both wait patiently, stepping out once the doors open for the two of you. 

“you wanna wait right here?” he asks, pointing at the bench outside of the locker room. 

you nod, un-attaching yourself from him and sitting down politely. you cross your legs, folding your hands over your lap. you watch sungchan walk away, both yours and his book bags slung over his figure. you slightly smile, you loved him so much. your left leg bounces, nerves going a little crazy – worried jeno would randomly pop up when you least expect it. you find your nail in between your lips once more, chewing nervously. 

“yooo! haven’t seen you in awhile,” a voice shouts from behind you. 

you jump, eyes wide as you look over the figure. he walks up to you, hand resting on your shoulder. 

“woah, didn’t mean to spook you” haechan laughs, welcoming himself to sit next to you. 

“you fucking dick,” you roll your eyes, punching his arm. 

“ow! why’re you sitting out here? waiting for jeno?” he asks, teasingly wiggling his eyebrows at you. 

you huff out, rolling your eyes at him. you lift your hand again, but haechan grabs your balled up fists so you don’t hit him again. 

“it was a joke, i’m kidding” he tells you.

“i’m waiting for sungchan, we’re gonna go eat”  you say to haechan, tugging your hands from his grip. 

“—and jeno and I are no longer acquainted, thank you very much” you huff, turning your nose up. 

“wait, really? why, what happened?” haechan asks, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“don’t wanna really talk about it, but he can’t keep his dick in his pants to save his life” you mutter with a roll of your eyes. 

haechan makes an ‘o’ shape with his mouth, nodding his head in understanding. you nod as well, turning your head to the sound of the door opening, haechan peeking around your shoulder. sungchan walks out, spinning his car keys on his finger. you stand up, brushing your skirt down. haechan follows suit, standing up as well. he daps sungchan up and gives you a kiss on top of your head. 

“i’ll see you guys later,” he yells out, holding the locker room door open. 

the two of you waved goodbye to the boy, turning around to make your way to the elevator. 

“yo sungchan! i forgot to ask—” his sentence is cut short as he sees who is standing in front of him. 

you and jeno make eye contact, your mouth drying up at the sight of him alone. you shift on your feet nervously, swallowing hard. jeno’s eyebrows crinkle in confusion and anger. 

“hey roomie…what’d you need?” sungchan asks with a nervous laugh. 

“so you’re too good to text or call me back because you’re hanging out with my best friend?” jeno asks, looking past sungchan at you. “hey…i’m both of your guys’ best friends.” sungchan says. 

you roll your eyes, turning your gaze elsewhere. you didn’t have the energy to deal with this right now. not only did you not come here for this but you’re hungry as hell. not a good mixture. 

jeno scoffs when he realizes you’re not going to reply, “oh so you really think you’re too good, huh? can’t even speak to me.” he says, mockingly laughing at you. “fuck off jeno,” you say, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“whatever, are you coming back to the crib tonight?” jeno asks, turning his attention to sungchan. 

sungchan thinks about his question for a bit, but he shakes his head no. “i’m going to haechan and yuta’s for the tournament…they want their asses whooped in mario kart again,” he chuckles lightly. jeno nods in understanding, smacking sungchan’s back with his palm. “i’m having jieun over, I needed it empty tonight” he winked at you. 

you scoff loudly, can you believe this fucking asshole? you can’t believe you used to like him. 

“you’re a dick, fuck you” you say, not breaking eye contact with him. jeno shrugs, leaning down towards your face. you back up in disgust, not wanting to be anywhere near him at all. “let me know when you’re done being petty and I promise I’ll take you back, princess,” he whispers, curling a piece of your hair behind your ear. you smack his hand away angrily. “never in a million fucking years,” you say through gritted teeth, turning away. 

you make your way to the elevator, pressing the down arrow. sungchan follows suit, nervously fiddling with his fingers. you huff out, blowing the stray hairs in front of your face away. you were beyond livid right now. 

—

[ the (3) stooges ] 

you: jeno fucked jieun. 

you: and they’re meeting up to fuck again 2nite

you: feeling suicidal :) 

kev: WAIT ARE YOU DEADASS?? 

you: i wish i was fucking lying. 

kev: what an asshole…that’s so disappointing

jaebae: i’m omw

[ you and kev ‘?’ this message ] 

kev: where are you going??? 

you: ^

jaebae: to fuck him up . 

[ kev hearted this message ] 

you: no?? wtf???

kev: ignore her, go fuck him up!!! beat his ass!!! 

[ jaebae liked this message / yn disliked this message ] 

you: i’m so serious, what if you lose your scholarship :( 

[ kev disliked this message ]

jaebae: sigh

kev: fucking party pooper, boo tomatoes boo!! 

you: thank you i love u guys 

[ jae + kev hearted this message ] 

you lock your phone, sitting up off of sungchan’s lap. you make your way to the kitchen to grab a drink. twisting the cap on the bottle of water, you take a few sips as you walk back into the living room. 

“who the FUCK threw that bannana?!” haechan asked and yuta smirks in response to his outburst.

“what are you gonna do about it, huh?” yuta asks, throwing another banana towards haechan’s character. 

sungchan is quiet throughout the game, eyebrows crinkled in sheer concentration. you eye the gold number one in the corner of his screen. all the other boys moan out in agony as he crosses the finish line. haechan throws the switch controller down onto the couch angrily. 

“fuck you” yuta says, flipping your best friend off. you and sungchan laugh at the boys' reactions, finding them amusing. 

you guys all looked at the door confused when the doorbell rang. yuta gets up to answer the door, and you all look curiously from your seats. 

“eric? what’s up!” yuta says, unlocking the door for him and his friends. 

you turn to sungchan with wide eyes, sungchan smiles at you. 

“take your mind off jeno for now…he’s my friend but he’s being a dick right now” he tells you, ruffling your hair. 

“you invited them?” you ask, and sungchan nods. 

“i swear i’m—” you start but you close your mouth abruptly when you hear your name being called. “yn? is that you?” eric asks, you turn around slowly with a sort of awkward smile. “i didn’t know you’d be here, would’ve come over sooner,” eric joked, sliding into the open seat next to you. sungchan rubbed your back before he stood up to walk away. 

“you met my friends, right?” he asks, pointing back at his two friends. sunwoo and juyeon wave at you with a smile. “is this your girlfriend?” juyeon asks, you and eric blush madly. sunwoo elbows him in the side, offering a small apologetic smile. “s-sorry, it’s just–when you guys were at the club…i-i thought” the black haired boy stutters. 

“it’s fine,” you smile, hands holding your blushing face. eric is just as red as you, coughing at the now awkward environment. “we’re not dating, jackass,” eric says, running a hand through his hair. 

“you guys want in?” you hear haechan ask.

sunwoo and juyeon’s eyes light up at his question, practically running to grab a controller. you watch them, laughing at their excitement. yuta then makes his way back to the living room, speaker in hand. what was a small quiet get together is now a very noisy party of seven. 

“do you wanna go outside?” eric asks, leaning down to whisper the question into your ear. with blushing cheeks you nod yes, following him out the front door. 

haechan looks at sungchan both of them sharing a nod before sungchan pulls his phone out. 

[ bsb bozos ]

hae: wooooah yn went with him outside ;)

sungchan: lol fr? just them?

hae: yuuuup

jeno: ???

hae: oh shit

sungchan: wrong gc, fuck.

hae: yea my bad jen lmao

jeno: who are you guys talking about?

[ read 11:34am ]

jeno: you little shits better answer me 

[ haechan liked this message ]

hae: i love aggressive men <3 

hae: yn went outside with eric :)))

sungchan: stfu omg you can’t hold water for shit. 

hae: im sorry D:

jeno: are you deadass?? im omw you fuckers better watch her, if he touches her istfg 

hae: you got it daddy— boss!

sungchan: i meaaaan…

jeno: chan don’t fw me rn

sungchan: no bcus you literally told her you were gonna fuck her now ex bestfriend…

sungchan: but now you want us to watch her?? because she went outside with someone?? 

sungchan: it’s ass backwards…you can stick your dick in anything that walks & she has to be ok with it but when she’s in the vicinity of another man you’re losing your fucken mind. make your mind up jeno, we’re not kids. if you want to be with yn, then tell her AND show her that. stop making shit complicated. we all know you want her. 

hae: ok, but it’s giving poet…modern shakespeare if you will 😫 .

sungchan: LMFAOOO stfu haechan 

jeno: im not responding to that shit in full, you talk to damn much. but ik im in the wrong, but im selfish ass toxic mf and she knows that. im omw rn, you don’t have to watch her…but i am taking her home so you don’t have to worry about us. 

hae: oh we’re not worried abt y’all…were worried for eric

sungchan: ^ yeah…will he be ok? his team still needs him lmao..

jeno: i won’t touch him…

sungchan: im not buying it, where’s the rest

jeno: if he’s not touching her, i’ll be cool. 

hae: alright lee, stop texting cus ik you’re driving.

sungchan: ^ adios 

—

“wait wait, so you didn’t always live here?” you ask, and eric nods. “nope, i just came back this year.” he confirms, and you nod with a slightly agape mouth. “how are the states? is it as fun as people make it seem?” you question, eric holds his chin with two fingers trying to figure out how to answer. “i like the states…different—very, but it’s enjoyable.” he replies and you nod. “you wanna go?” he asks, referring to the states and you nod excitedly. “ugh, it’s my biggest dream…but i

haven’t gone yet,” you pout, bottom lip slightly jutting out. you wrap your arms around yourself, seeking warmth from your hands. 

eric notices and slips out of his hoodie, offering it to you. you shake your head, waving your hands. “it’s fine,” you say. “wasn’t asking, yn” he tells you, already putting the hoodie over your head. you reluctantly push your arms through the holes, pulling the oversized sweater on. eric slides his hands under your hair, lifting it from under the sweater. he curls some of it behind your ear and you look up at him with a sweet smile. “uh, thank..you” you say, fiddling with the hem of his sweater. eric looks back at you, with kind eyes, loving how you look in his sweater. he bends down slowly, inching towards your face. you bit your bottom lip, contemplating whether or not you should let this happen. it’d be wrong, right? to lead him on, you know you don’t like him…not more than a friend. so why let him do this? it’ll only hurt him again. before you know it, he’s centimeters from you, his lips so close to yours. you sigh, squeezing your eyes shut. you wait for his lips to touch yours, squeezing your hands together. your nails dig into the skin of your palms. 

before his lips could touch yours, you’re being tugged away from his grasp. your eyes shoot open, you’re now staring at the back of a tall figure. 

“the fuck do you think you’re doing, huh?” the man says, his grip on your wrist was tight and unwavering. 

“jeno?!” eric says, astonishment evident on his face. you and him both were just as surprised at his presence. 

“w-when did you get here?” you ask quietly, trying to pull away from him. jeno turns to you, eyeing the sweater on you. “take this shit off,” he tells you, pulling at the sleeves. 

if you didn’t do it yourself he was going to do it himself. you tug the sweater up and off of you, wrapping your arms around yourself. you guys may be on bad terms but you know better than to aggravate an already angry lee jeno. eric scoffs loudly in response to the scene unfolding in front of him. 

“yn, what the fuck is going on right now?” eric asks and you open your mouth to respond. “don’t fucking talk to her.” jeno seethes, looking at eric angrily. he throws the man his sweater back and turns away. he grabs your hand, tugging you away from eric. you shriek, looking back at eric slightly waving as jeno drags you along. 

“j-jeno, my wrist..it hurts” you say quietly. 

jeno stops walking, causing you to run into his back. you stumble, holding your nose from the impact. you look up curiously, wondering why he stopped walking. “you know how angry i get when you do shit like this,” jeno whispers, and your eyebrows crinkle. “w-what do you mean?” you ask. “don’t play dumb.” he tells you, pinning you against the wall. you flinch at the way it feels against your skin, but you couldn’t care less right now. 

“everytime i see you with someone that isn’t me,” his hands snake around your waist. “i fucking hate that shit…and you know it” his hands grab your ass, squeezing it until you moan out. “i’m selfish, and you’re all mine baby” you bite your lip, looking up at him with glazed over eyes. 

“w-what about jieun…” you whisper, needing to know. 

“i fucked up, and i’m sorry..” he tells you curling a piece of hair behind your ear. you nod in response. “did you…” jeno shakes his head, finger grazing your lips shushing you. “no baby, we didn’t…i promise” he tells you, bending down to kiss your head. you nod in response.

you’d rather not talk, it's been a long night. you’re relieved to say the least though…you’re glad they didn’t sleep together. you don’t know what you would’ve done or said if he said they did. 

“take me home,” you say, turning your head away from him. 

jeno nods, grabbing hold of your hand. “let’s go baby,” he says, leading you towards his car.

—

[ the (3) stooges ] 

* ‘kev kev’ added ‘bambi’ and ‘hae <3’ * 

you: there’s 5 of us now, gc name is incorrect. 

hae <3: omg girl stfu

[ you changed the gc name to “yn for prez :D” ]

bambi: lmfao tf kind of name

kev kev: i hope you know i would n e v e r vote for you :)

you: rude asf. 

hae <3: yeah yeah, shut up. what happened yesterday ?!

kev kev: oh yeah! how’d it go last night??

bambi: ^

you: ??? wdym

kev kev: did you get dicked down last night?

you: wtf?? no. 

hae <3: mission: failed

kev kev: fat ass sigh

you: wait a damn minute…

you: YOU DICKS!! YOU SET ME UP DIDN'T YOU????

you: i knew it…jeno literally just popped up. 

kev kev: IT WAS THEIR IDEA 

[ bambi + hae <3 disliked this message ] 

bambi: stfu you’re a fucking liar

hae <3: jus because i helped doesn’t mean i was involved :(

you: i’m gonna fuck you two up

[ kev + hae <3 liked this message / bambi disliked this message ]

bambi: yn, i love you 

[ you liked this message ] 

bambi: it wasn’t me D: pls believe me 

[ you liked this message ] 

you: <3 

[ kev + hae <3 disliked this message ] 

kev kev: in FRONT of me ?! 

hae <3: ^ ong, ur so fake bro ):

kev kev: fuck u yn :( 

jaebae: can you guys shut the fuck up?? i have a game tmrw u asshats 

you: sorry :(

kev kev: im shutting the fuck up. 

bambi: aye aye captain 

hae <3: yes daddy. 

—

you skipped down the hall with jaehyun, his arm slung over your shoulder. he insisted on walking you to class today, you were a bit taken aback but you let him do so. 

“so, what’s up after class?” he asks. “i go back to practice today—i’m excited” you reply back, a glint showing in your eyes. jaehyun looked down at you fondly, he adored you. “should i be worried..?” you ask, turning to look at him. jae shakes his head no, petting your hair. “just didn’t want you running into him again alone,” he tells you, a small smile spreads across your features. 

you wrap your arms around his middle, buying your face in his chest. “thank you, jae…i appreciate you” you tell him, he chuckles lightly. bending down a bit to press a kiss to the top of your head before he turns you around to push you through the classroom door. 

jeno watches from afar with an annoyed expression. his fists at his sides, jaw clenched tightly. he hated seeing you with other guys. fuck everybody that wasn’t him. though he knows everything between you and jaehyun is all platonic, it still bothers him. 

jae turns around, making eye contact with jeno. he rolls his shoulders back, jutting his chin in his direction slightly—silently greeting him. jeno doesn’t nod back, he just stays still—fists still shaking with rage. jaehyun smirks slyly, turning away from jeno clutching his book bag strap.

—

you sat in class quietly, jotting down notes every now and again. you were mainly zoned out though—pondering on what jeno was doing right now. you pushed the pen into your cheek, clicking the button in and out. you wondered what he had on right now, or if he was listening to music, or if he was thinking about you too. you didn’t know why your mind drifted off to jeno lee, but you couldn’t help it. after the encounter with him last night, he’s been heavy in your head. 

ding!

j: come to me after class. 

what are the odds, lol. you say to yourself in your head. you pick up your phone, clicking the notification. 

j: and you better have me unblocked or else yn. 

[ you disliked this message ] 

you: stfu i do what i want

you: where and why

j: don’t question me & stop being funny.

j: locker rooms, right after class. not a minute later.

j: don’t make me fucking wait. 

you rolled your eyes, leaving him on read. a little riling up never hurt anybody…well, never hurt you at least. plus, you already know what’s going to go down—why not get him all worked up beforehand? he deserves it after all, that little stunt he pulled at the club. 

—

you rock back and forth on your feet in the elevator. you were a little nervous. you fiddle with your fingers, rubbing over the acrylic on your nails. it was just jeno…why are you worried.

you: um…im up here, wya?

j: come to the back. 

you lock your phone, nodding your head. you push through the swing doors, making your way to the back of the locker rooms. you take a deep breath before you twist the doorknob. you peek from behind the door, everything looks the same. same chair, same desk, same jeno. 

“took you long enough” he says through gritted teeth. you don’t respond, you just step fully into the small room before you close the door behind you. “come here,” he tells you. 

you slowly make your way to him, eyes on the floor. he’s shirtless, leaning against the desk. sweat is collected above his brow, you wonder if he’s fresh out of practice. jeno’s index finger curls under you chin, jerking your head up. though he’s leaning against the desk he’s still towering over you. his intimidating features and size make your legs tremble. you look up at him, chewing on your bottom lip nervously. 

“don’t be so scared love..” he whispers, bending down to be closer to you. you gulp down hard, both your mouth and your throat suddenly dry. “i-i have practice…a-at 2:30” you tell jeno and he smiles down at you. “we’ll be done by then, but i don’t know if you’ll be able to stand.” jeno loops a finger through your belt loop, tugging you into him. as your body collides with his he bends down to catch your lips in a kiss. your hands are awkwardly pressed against his chest, not really knowing what to do with them. one arm is holding you in place, the other placed at the back of your neck. “i missed you,” he tells you through small kisses and breaths. “didn’t miss me when your tongue was down jieun’s throat,” you spit back, slightly pushing him back. 

jeno laughs, looking up at the ceiling before his eyes fall back onto you. you cross your arms over your chest. you were going to let him get away with it, but you can’t let it slide. not after what he told you that same day. even after what he showed you? you needed answers. 

“yn…come on, i already apologized.” he tells you, hands moving to touch you again. you jerk back so he doesn’t touch you, jeno sighs in response.

“jeno. you told me you loved me, then you went and made out with jieun that same day!” you tell him, and he holds his face in his hands, an exasperated sigh falling from his mouth. “you went outside with eric and left me there by myself, how do i know you didn’t make out with him?” he shoots back at you. you scoff rolling your eyes at his response. “i broke it off with him for you,” you tell him. “ok…and jieun came onto me and i wasn’t thinking straight” he tells you, walking towards you…wanting to hold you. “i was watching you and eric that night, why do you think i was so mad?” he says, eyebrows furrowed in slight anger. “when i came up to you at the bar? that wasn’t when i first got there,” you look up at him, expression full of confusion. “i seen him help you down the stairs, watch your drink, hold your purse—all that shit,” he says to you and you’re rendered speechless. “that should’ve been me…and i swear if i could go back in time and go with you, that night—i would.” he concluded his statement, hands holding your face softly. 

you stand on your tiptoes to capture his lips in a kiss, you knew you would fold and forgive him…all you wanted was a proper apology. you couldn’t stay mad at him for too long…

“are you still mad at me?” jeno asks after he pulls away from your lips. you respond silently, bringing your hands up to show ‘just a little’ with your fingers. the both of you laugh, going back to making out. jeno’s hands grip your waist tightly, if he’s speaking honestly he’s afraid of letting you go. he feels that if he lets you go he’ll lose you again…and he can’t risk that, never again. 

“don’t leave me again…” he whispers, lips barely grazing yours. “never leave me…please” he’s practically begging right now. “don’t do shit to push me away then jeno,” you tell him, arms wrapped around his shoulders. he nods in response, arms wrapping tighter around your middle. he squeezes you softly, inhaling your scent. 

—

the last few days have been hectic to say the least. you and jeno have been in contact, very much so in fact. you’ve been over to his place a few times but you haven’t brought him around jaehyun yet. you feel kind of bad, he tried so hard to protect you from him but you went right back. so you don’t have the heart to tell him you guys are on good terms just yet. 

jaebae: im waiting outside, sungchan is here too !

you: okaaay, im coming rn just have to grab some things from my locker. 

[ jae liked this message ] 

“look at you, what have i done…” jeno says into your ear, licking the back. “you were such a good girl, where’d she go? hm?” you don’t respond, you just look up at him from your place on the floor. your pretty eyes are glazed over with wetness from your previous activities. 

“you just do everything i fucking tell you too, huh?” jeno’s hand goes back to your hair, gripping your locks firmly. “such a good little slut for daddy,” he praises you. your bottom lip is caught between your teeth, biting down hard enough to draw blood. you look up at him wanting for him to do something so badly. jeno looks down at you slyly, smiling at you sickly. “you want my cock, baby?” he asks rhetorically, bobbing your head up and down for you. “yeah? huh? you want it?” he asks, making you nod your head again.. “p-please…” you whisper, looking up at him with teary eyes. jeno groans audibly, grip tightening on your hair. he jerks your head in the direction of his pants, squishing your face against his clothed boner. you whine, hands going to grip his legs to stabilize yourself.

“unzip em, now” he tells you. 

you nod, hands shakily moving to unzip him. jeno jerks you back by your hair again, and you yelp. he bends down slightly, getting close to your face. “use your fucking mouth” he says, unoccupied hand squishing your cheeks. he hallows them out, forcing your tongue to poke out. he stands back up to his full height, moving you back to in front of his bulge. you open your mouth teeth grazing the cold metal of his zipper. you grab the zipper with your teeth, pulling it down—unzipping him. 

“such a good slut for me,” jeno praises once you free his rock hard cock. “open.” he demands and you obey. lolling your tongue out of your wet mouth, waiting patiently for your treat. jeno strokes his dick a few times, thumbing the tip. he spreads his pre cum around, making your anticipation and need for him run wild. he leans forward, spitting into your open mouth.

“you ready for me?” he asks and you nod, mouth still hanging open.

he slaps the tip on your tongue, grinding against you a few times. low girthy groans leave his mouth, loving the wetness of your mouth. your arms are politely crossed behind your back, knowing you're not allowed to touch him unless he says so. 

“fuck, i missed this” he moans out, pushing deeper into your mouth. his tip is hitting the back of your throat making you gag but you couldn’t care less. jeno’s other hand goes to your hair, pushing further down your throat. you gargle around his length, choking on his size. jeno loves the sound of you choking, ego boosting a bit as it reminds him how big he is. he looks down at you, sweat dripping down his bare chest and forehead. hot tears roll down your face as you look back up at him. he fucks into your mouth a few more times, nearing his orgasm. you shut your eyes tightly, letting him abuse your throat roughly. “f-fuck—shit” he mumbles, biting his lip as he empties his load down your throat messily. a mixture of your salty tears, spit and cum drips down your mouth and chin. jeno bends down to look at you closer, eyeing the slick mixture of nastiness as it drips down. it all pools atop your cleavage but you were too busy trying to catch your breath to care. you gasp in and out, chest heaving. jeno smiles sickly. god he loved ruining you. 

“you’re so hot, i fucking love you” he whispers, crashing his lips onto yours. 

—

“hey! what took you so long?” jae greets you with open arms. 

you slightly smile, accepting his free hug. he holds the back of your head, his other hand rubbing your middle. you sigh out of sheer habit, you were a sucker for hugs like these. may or may not have to do with you liking to be dominated…but who cares? 

“mmm, my bad…ran into an old friend” you mumble into his chest. jaehyun just nods, still holding you. 

“alright fuckers, we’re hungry. let’s go!!” haechan yells from his seat in sungchan’s car. 

you and jae laugh, parting from each other. he opens the car door for you, and you accept happily. 

j: stop letting that fucking asshole touch you. 

you: why are you even watching us???

j: that’s how i hold you after im done rearranging your guts, he’ll never be me.

you roll your eyes at his jealous texts. the toxicity is real. 

you: what are you on about?

j: fuck jeong jaehyun that’s what. 

you: omg. bye jeno. 

j: don’t play with me, i’ll fuck you in front of him. 

you: is that a threat or a promise?

j: you into that ?? such a nasty little slut. 

you: your slut. now get off my phone, im with my friends. 

j: i love you

[ you liked this message ] 

—

“so~ what you been up too?” haechan asks you. you roll your eyes, biting the fry in your hand. 

you were seated in between haechan and jaehyun. the six of you guys occupied the booth in the back of the burger joint. it was just the four of you guys, but you guys ran into eric and sunwoo so haechan extended the invite. 

the more the merrier you guessed lol. 

“not much, i had practice yesterday…haven’t been there in awhile” you say, haechan nods in response. 

“ahh, fun. you like being back?” he asks with a full mouth of hamburger. you don’t even flinch at it, you guys are more than comfortable with each other. “i like it, I missed playing,” you respond.

you fiddle with the straw in your cup, you’re very full and kind of bored now. you watch everyone talk and chow down. haechan and sungchan are talking about some new girl on the cheer squad, sunwoo and jae are talking about god knows what. but eric…is looking at you. you hold eye contact with him, you wonder what he’s thinking. 

eric: can we talk? 

you look down at the text and look back up at eric. he nods at your phone, telling you to text back. 

you: …about?

eric: yk what yn…come on. pls?

you: idk eric…i don’t have anything to say.

eric: what? we almost kissed that night

eric: i gave you my sweater dude

eric: none of that meant anything? none of it? 

you: eric, i already told you…i like you as a friend. 

eric: you were gonna let me kiss you that night 

you: i know..and i shouldn’t have, i’m sorry

eric: i don’t want your sorry 

eric: i want you

eric: please, give me a chance yn

“can you take me home?” you whisper into jae’s ear. you clutch the bottom of his shirt tightly. 

“wha? are you ok?” he asks, too loud for your liking. you look at eric out of the side of your eye, he’s staring at the two of you. you were never good with confrontation, but in your defense you already shot him down. one time should be enough. 

“ok, babe let’s go.” he tells you, holding your hand. 

he guides you out the booth, helping you stand up. you clutch his hand tighter, just wanting to be home at this moment. “yoo, where are you guys going?” haechan slurs, obviously having had one too many beers. “i’m—” you cut him short. “s-say it’s because of you,” 

“i don’t feel too well, and she’s sleepy,” he lies with a pretty smile.

 you couldn’t have asked for better friends. 

eric looks like he’s about to say something but he doesn’t. he watches you quietly, walking away hand in hand with jaehyun. 

—

“so he made you feel uncomfortable?” kevin asks, fingers running through your strands. 

you nod, nuzzling your face into his lap, sleepiness overcoming your senses. “i know it’s kind of my fault—i shouldn’t have let him almost kiss me..” you confess. kevin hums in response, still rubbing your head. it was putting you to sleep, relaxation was inevitable due to his motions. 

“it was still a dick move though, i’m glad jae was there.” kevin says and you hum, agreeing with his statement. 

“so what’s up with you and lee?” he asks, figuring you would like a subject change. 

you shrug. 

“not sure, we’ve been fucking…a lot” you mumble, finger tracing the plaid pattern of his pajama pants. “—and he tells me he loves me, but i don’t know kev” you continue on. 

you didn’t want to ramble but you have lowkey been pondering on where the two of you will end up. especially since he’s been more open with his feelings and focusing on you more than he has ever before. there was just a tad bit of an issue.

!! lee jeno doesn’t date !!

duh! this has been the issue since the first time the two of you fucked, yet it feels different now…you can’t deny that. something deep down is telling you he’s going for a different approach but after what he pulled last time you’re not so sure. you don’t wanna be the dumb girl that continues to give your heart to the asshole that keeps breaking it. but then again, you’re a grown ass adult and can make your own grown ass decisions. who’s going to say something about it? 

—

“jeno, stop it!” you whined, kicking your legs like a child. 

you’ve been trying to do your homework for the past hour or so now and jeno keeps on bothering you. tickling, biting, licking, kissing, you name it, he’s done it. you’re splayed across his bed, laptop in sight but certainly not in use. jeno is standing in between your legs, looking down at you. 

“nooo, fuck your homework…cuddle with me” jeno whines. 

his hands trace your bare thighs, the pads of his fingertips tracing the faded hickeys and bite marks left by his mouth. you shiver at his cold touch.

“i dont think i’ve fucked you in this position” jeno whispers, gripping your waist as he bends down to be face to face with you. “um, yeah you did actually,” you tell him, mind dating back to that day he cuffed you and fucked you for not listening to him. you press your finger to his forehead, pushing his face away.

“i don’t remember…” he whispers, making his way up to your ear. “...i guess i’ll just have to do it again,” he says slyly, kissing your ear softly. 

jeno traces your skin with his nose, dragging it from your earlobe and down your neck slowly. he licks a stripe up your throat. you bite your lip, but you have to hold your own. 

“no jeno, not right now…later” you say, your voice betraying you. “you don’t sound so sure of yourself,” jeno laughs, pecking your cheek. “shut up, get off me” you roll your eyes, pushing at his chest knowing you can’t push him if your life depended on it. 

“gimme fifteen minutes, come on” he tells you, intertwining your fingers with his. 

“come on pretty…you know you want me too” he teases, grinding down on you with a sick smirk.

you did want him. when did you not? you roll your eyes at him, letting your head fall back onto the mattress. 

“good girl,” he snickers, kissing your nose. 

“yeah yeah, get on with it” you say. 

jeno falls to his knees, hands automatically grabbing your thighs. he hoists your open legs onto his shoulders. he eyes your panties, leaning forward to kiss your clothed heat. he looks up at you but your looking away. too embarrassed to watch right now. no matter how many times you guys fuck, you’re always shy. 

“look at me babygirl..” he says, voice muffled because his mouth is pressed against you. he pushes your panties to the side, tongue immediately going to tease your clit. you clutch the bedsheets under you, still refusing to look at him. jeno chuckles, arms wrapping tighter around your thighs. his hands squeeze your inner thighs, pinching the supple skin. jeno licks a stripe up your slit, moving his tongue in a circle atop your clit. you moan quietly, not too loud. 

He eyes you again, but you’re still looking away. he breathes out, teeth grazing your thighs. he bites down, sinking his teeth into your inner thigh. you jolt, sucking in a breath. 

“oh my god!” you shout, sitting up onto your elbows in a flash. “fucking listen to me” he says, licking over where he bit you to soothe the pain. a whine comes out your throat as you lay back down. jeno just laughs. 

“now…back to my meal,” he snickers. 

he continues to eat you out like a starved man. you learned your lesson, watching his every move. 

“fuck,” you stutter, struggling to keep your eyes open. jeno loves it. 

“keep em open, baby” he tells you in between licks to your heat. 

he sucks on your clit, middle and ring finger moving in and out of you quickly. your fingers dig into the sheets, gripping tightly to the fabric. you moan out loudly, thankful that the apartment is empty. 

“are you close?” jeno asks, and you nod furiously. 

he fastens his pace with his fingers, unattaching his mouth from you so he can get a good look at your face while you cum. a free hand goes up to squeeze your boobs, rolling your nipple in between his fingers. you let out a shaky moan as you feel that familiar fuzzy feeling in your gut. 

“i’m close–so close” you manage to say. 

jeno nods, licking his lips. he dips back down to your heat, sucking on your clit again. you arch your back at that, thighs squeezing against his face. jeno pushes your legs back open, a small grunt leaving his mouth as he does so. he twists his tongue every which way, getting you to your high. “f-fuck” is all you can mutter before you cum. 

jeno laps it all up. his saliva, your juices and release all mixed together making a slick mess. you push him away weakly, whining because your sensitive. jeno keeps eating though, not bothered by your weak attempt to get him to stop. 

“always so sweet,” he says with a toothy grin, wiping his face with the back of his hand. 

you don’t respond, just flipping him off. jeno rolls his eyes, grabbing your hand. he uses it to flip you over on your tummy. a small squeal of surprise leaves you, you weren’t expecting that. 

“you got your release, now i want mine” he tells you with a small smack to your ass. 

he climbs atop his bed, hands holding your hips. he pushes his clothed cock against your ass letting you feel how hard he is. you bite your lip in response. you were still sensitive. nonetheless you grind against him, rubbing your core against his boner. jeno lets out a low moan, pushing up against you too. you let your head fall against the mattress, hands laid flat against it to keep yourself upright. you swivel your hips, pushing harder against him. 

“fuck, im about to cum in my pants” jeno says and you laugh lightly.

jeno slips out of his sweats with a quickness, wanting to at least be in you for a few before he actually cums. he aligns himself with your hole, pushing all the way in. 

“a-ah, fuck” you say, looking back at jeno over your shoulder. 

“you’ve been taking my cock all week like a good girl, you don’t need to adjust anymore,” he says, pushing in and out of you at a quick pace. 

you can feel every vein on his cock, it’s making your head spin. he grips your hips, steadying himself as he drills you from the back. you squeeze your eyes shut, gripping the sheets under you tightly. you feel like you’re about to cum already. he fucks you fast and hard, his head thrown back girthy moans coming from his throat. sweat drips down his bare chest, a work of art he is. you were sure your hips were gonna bruise though as hard as he’s holding them. 

“always so fucking tight, i love it” jeno says, bending down to be right in your ear. 

he uses a hand to grip your thigh, pulling it forcing you to spread your legs wider. you yelp in surprise. his other hand presses to the small of your back, telling you to arch. 

“f-fuck, there you go–-good girl” he leaves a smack to your ass, fucking into you even harder. 

he’s no longer holding your hips. both his hands are holding the headboard, using it as leverage so he can drill you as hard as he wants. you let yourself go, not even bothering to say you were close. clenching down onto him as you release yourself. he moans at that, feeling the extra wetness. he doesn’t stop though, he keeps going. you feel your nerves going crazy, you were sensitive before but now you were extra sensitive. 

“i’m sensitive, jeno” you whine, using your hands to try and push his hips to make him stop. 

“move your fucking hands” he sneers. 

he grabs both your wrists, pinning them to your back. he continues to fuck you mercilessly. hot tears run down your face, pooling onto the bed sheets. he climbs up your body, making his way to your face. “cum for me, princess” he whispers to you. he kisses your face a couple of times. 

“come on, you can do it” he tells you. you shake your head vigorously. “i know you can do it baby,” he pressed a kiss to your cheek lovingly. 

it blows your mind how sweet he’s being. kissing on you while he fucks the shit out of you. backwards, but makes complete sense as far as lee jeno goes. you let go, that little knot in your tummy coming undone. jeno continues to push in and out of you, allowing you both to ride out your highs. you breathe heavily as you try to calm your nerves. you just came three times in a span of an hour. man he’s good. 

“you did so well,” jeno says as he presses a kiss to your forehead. 

“you’re not touching me for the next two weeks” you say, flicking his forehead. 

“now you know damn well,” jeno laughs, laying down next to you. 

—

“i wanna tattoo” jaehyun says. 

“woah, really? you’d look so hot” haechan says with a mouth full of food. 

“on everything, where do you want it?” you asked, sipping on the drink in front of you. 

you and the regulars were currently on a “once a month lunch date”. your very own friend holiday that you guys created to make sure you guys always stay in contact. today haechan and sungchan crashed you guys, but it’s fine. they’re basically your roommates too. 

“i’m thinking about the forearm” jae answers and you nod. 

“everytime you play everyone will be able to see it, good spot” kevin agrees. 

“do you know what you wanna get?” sungchan asks, jaehyun shakes his head no in response. 

“regular you already gets all the girls, now imagine when he’s tatted” sungchan jokes, you guys all laugh. “man, but i never see you with any” haechan says, looking at jae for answers. “kid you not, as long as we’ve been staying together he hasn’t brought one girl home—ever.” kevin says and you nod. “i can second that statement” you agree with kevin.

jaehyun rolls his eyes in response. “you guys are so embarrassing” he groans, toying with the food on his plate. “it’s true!” you and kevin say in unison. “kev brings home a new girl every week,” you start. “yeah, and yn used to bring jeno over everyday” kevin jokes. “haha, so funny kev. it was not everyday.” you give him a dirty look. “oh please, the man was practically living there,” he follows up. “oh my god, it was like…once or twice a week!” you defend yourself. jaehyun shakes his head with a laugh. 

“it was like everyday…” jae says, scratching the back of his head. 

“fucking traitor,” you mumble with a pout. 

“speaking of jeno…” kevin starts. 

“conversation over.” you shut him down right away. 

“come on, let’s talk about your potential baby daddy,” haechan teases. 

you roll your eyes in response to their teasing. 

“damn, no rubber? you’re wild yn” sungchan says with a laugh. 

“plastic is bad for the environment, you should be thanking me” you joke. 

the table erupts in laughter at your joke. 

“get the bill so we can get the hell out of here” 

—

you and jeno were cuddled up on the couch, flicking through selections on the TV. you were stuffing your face with the popcorn while he tried to find an anime you guys haven’t watched. 

“what about death note?” he asks. 

“love it, but i just rewatched it” you respond. 

“anohana?” “menma is kinda annoying,” “boruto?” “nah, the manga is better,” “full metal alchemist?” “i’m sleep already,” “oh my god. what about jojo’s?” “character design is trash as fuck, hard pass.” “I GIVE UP” jeno says. 

you look up at him like he’s crazy. 

“the hell is your problem?” you say with a mouth full of popcorn. 

“you’re so picky!” jeno sneers, handing you the remote. 

“next time i give you head i’m gonna bite the tip” you say, snatching the remote from him.  

“shut the hell up,” he laughs, wrapping an arm around you and leaning his head on your shoulder. 

“ew get off me, i’m mad at you” you tell him, jabbing your elbow into his middle. 

“just find something baby, damn” he whines, holding your arm in place so you don’t hit him. 

“the holy grail itself,” you say with a wide smile. 

“this? this is what you chose?” he says with a look of disgust. 

“i don’t take cowboy bebop slander, you can shut the fuck up” you say, waving your finger in his face dramatically. “you chose this over all those other choices? really?” his mouth is agape.

“you must’ve never seen this one,” you retort. “hell no, it’s old as fuck!” jeno laughs.”shut up and watch it, you’re gonna love it” you press play on the first episode. 

—

“someone’s been living the good life, huh?” yuta says with a smirk. 

jeno looks back at him confused. 

“huh?” yuta shakes his head, turning him around in the mirror. 

the red scratch marks and bite marks decorated all over his backside. yuta laughs, patting his shoulder. “i’m tryna get like you” sungchan laughs, joining in on the conversation. 

“different girls?” yuta asks and jeno shakes his head no with a disgusted expression. 

“haven’t so much as looked at another girl since i got mines,” he tells yuta, pulling his jersey over his body. 

yuta nods with an impressed expression. 

“so…we’re all thinking about the same girl, aren’t we” haechan says and all the boys start laughing. 

“tell yn we said cut her nails” yuta jokes, slapping the back of jeno’s head before he makes his way out. 

“go figure, look who’s calling me” sungchan laughs, turning his phone so everyone can see. 

jeno sits down on the bench slipping his cleats on. 

“what’s up babygirl” sungchan says when the call connects. 

he laughs at jeno’s glare. 

“wait what? slow down,” sungchan tell you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

jeno perks up at his serious tone. he motions to his ear, sungchan tosses him his airpod case. 

“i don’t know, i just—can you come here, please?” you say, voice shaky. 

you sounded scared but jeno didn’t know why. he needed to know. 

“where is she at?” jeno mouthed and sungchan nodded. 

“where are you at, baby? send me your location, i’ll come get you” he says and you nod, doing as you were told. “okay, i sent it” you sniffled. jeno was losing his damn mind. why didn’t you call him? 

“don’t tell jeno, please…” you say, and sungchan looks up at him. 

jeno shakes his head no. 

“babe…i have to tell him,” he tells you. 

“no! please don’t, please chan…i’m begging you” you plead and sungchan nods. 

“ok, i won’t. i’m coming right now, don’t go anywhere.” he tells you and you shake your head yes. 

“ok, thank you…love you” you say before you hang up. 

“let’s go, now.” jeno says, grabbing his keys. 

—

“i told you not to tell him, sungchan!” you said, stomping your foot. 

you and sungchan were standing a few feet away from a pacing jeno. not super far but just out of earshot. 

“i couldn’t not tell him yn! he was right there when you called me,” sungchan said, defending himself. you groan, hands flying to your face. you sink down to the ground, shaking your head back and forth. sungchan rolls his eyes at your dramatic actions. he crouches down to be at your level, joining you on the floor. 

“he’s gonna fucking kill me” you mutter, squeezing your eyes shut. “come on, it can’t be that bad” sungchan tells you, rubbing your back. “i came here with eric!” you whisper shouted, looking back to see if jeno heard you. “oh….yeah you’re dead” sungchan says, scratching the back of his head with a sheepish smile. 

“come here yn,” jeno says. 

you swallow harshly, standing to your feet. you stuff your shaky hands into your sweater pockets. shuffling towards where jeno stands, your eyes watch the gravel under your sneakers. once you're in arms length, he grabs your forearm, tugging you towards the back seat. he opens the door aggressively, jerking his chin forward telling you to climb in. you do so, sitting in the middle seat. you fold your hands and rest them on your thighs. jeno tosses sungchan the keys before he climbs into the back seat. 

—

the air is thick. awkward and super quiet. even though there’s music playing it still seems super quiet. you look over at jeno. he’s staring out the window, jaw clenched tightly. even the grip he has on your thigh is strong. 

“j-jeno?” you whisper. 

he doesn’t respond, he just turns to look at you. 

“if you’re not gonna tell me why you were here, i don’t wanna hear shit from your mouth” he sneers. you flinch, his words hurt you. he’s never talked to you like that before. 

“i-i was here with someone…but something came up! i j-just needed a ride home” you lie, believably so at that. jeno wasn’t buying it though. he knows you too well. 

“you’re lying. don’t fucking lie to me, yn” jeno says, he raises his eyebrows at you. 

his serious expression made your stomach churn. 

“i was here with eric…” you admit. 

“i knew it! i fucking knew it—dammit!” jeno yells, fists flying full force to punch the passenger seat in front of him. 

“why? why were you with that son of a bitch?” he asks you, rage evident in his voice. 

you hiccup, trying to calm yourself down and steady your nerves. you scoot back from him, sliding into the seat on your left hand side. 

“it wasn’t anything like that! he wanted to talk, and that’s all we did…” you started. jeno rolls his neck from side to side. jaw still clenched as he stretches his muscles. “he didn’t like my answer to him, so he kicked me out of his car and left me there” you shrugged. 

“he did what?!” sungchan and jeno shouted at the same time. 

“this is why i didn’t want to say anything!” you whined, hitting your head on the back of sungchan’s seat groaning. 

“sungchan take me home, please” you say to your friend. he nods, picking up his phone to type your address in. 

“you don’t wanna come home with me?” jeno asks and you shake your head. 

“i think we both need some time alone,” you tell jeno. “fuck that, i wanna be with you.” he tells you. “did you not see how you just reacted?! you need to blow some steam off, away from me” you shake your head, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“whatever yn,” jeno scoffs. 

“fucking kids” sungchan laughs, continuing to drive. 

—

“ow! stop, i’m sorry!” kevin cried as you pinched his ear. jeno and the other boys watched in amusement as you inflicted pain on the boy. “twist it!” haechan yelled out with a laugh. sungchan giggled, slapping haechan’s arm as he snorted loudly. 

“are you gonna do it again?” you ask tauntingly, kevin nods vigorously. “no, i swear to fucking god–just stop” kevin cries out, and you let him go. he pouts, hand flying to rub his throbbing ear. 

“and fuck you, haechan!” kevin sneers, chucking a pillow in his direction. 

you laugh as you make your way over to jeno. you climb onto his lap, making yourself comfortable on his lap. you snuggle into him, his hands wrapping around you. 

“you’re a little bitch,” jeno whispers, kissing your face. “mhm, what are you gonna do about it?” you stick your tongue out at him. he shakes his head, pinching your thigh. you whine, pushing his hand away. “yeah, that’s what i thought, don’t act tough with me” jeno says and you giggle, nodding your head. 

“haechan would be a really good name for y’all kid” hae says, tossing a pillow at the two of you. jeno catches it, throwing it back his way. “i don’t know why the fuck you thought our pitcher wouldn’t catch that” sungchan deadpans. 

"can you like shut the hell up? i like you better when you're not talking" haechan says, flinching at the taller boy.

“fuck no, kevin is a way better name!” kevin shouted, slapping the back of haechan’s head. “all i know is…i wanna be the godparent,” sungchan says with a wide smile. 

—

prev | part iii | next

taglist [ 1 ] :: @vantxx95 @travelleratheart1011 @underjeno @bockhyun @jaeymark @ggukkyu @cuteejeno @gaeulswrld @aliceinwhateverland @punnshine @4-eternity @kkakkdugi @tokyosmind @roseymerrie @oohyansi @melaninjhs @curieouscapt  @svtrny​ @youryuno​ @jenyongcas​ ​ @pewpewpwe00​​ 

taglist [ 2 ] :: @produmads @slumpdumppy @tsuw4n @nctflix @daegalfangirl (ily<3) @bebskyy @yutatojii @hubneo @kaslululi @nctqen @sadgirlroo @maliakealoha @megumiiichanie @jeonjona @jaehyuniewifeu @ggukkyu @jeongyunoenjoyer @sheila9747e @jenyongcas

if i missed you pls let me know !! there was a lot of ppl that wanted to be added, so i might've missed a few.

[petorahs]

pq2 thoughts after finishing it!:

i think. it is a g. game. it is a persona game i will admit!

no but srs i think its good if youve never played a persona game which i assume is why its on 3ds only. it really does feel like discount persona with all of the last three cast thrown in? and some of the gameplay improvements (this game's gameplay aged better than fes and p2's LMAOO) i guess its a compromise to reach fans who've never actually played the main games cause they dont own a playstation console or something.

at the same time it makes no sense for "new fans" to play because you need at least some background knowledge of the prev characters and plot to care.

in my case i knew everything abt p3 and p5, only osmosis knowledge of the plot of p4 so i ended up using the p4 cast the least in my playthrough :( so theres that. not worth playing if u dont care abt the other casts imo

...so we agree the characters are the selling point here, its advertised as a mega crossover and whatever but. people complaining that theyre "watered down" to base traits or even traits they didnt have in the first place are Right LOL except for a scant few characters who get a lot of expansion. but for the most part none of them are themselves (like yusuke... 😔.... akihiko.... aki not as bad as yusuke but they have the same writing problem)

no one expects the characters to rly individually shine when theres so many ofc, the game even pokes fun at the "limited screen time" joke but like. what else is there to this? 🤔 well

character interactions! those were good. everyone expected detective princes meetup to be really great but i loved the other pairs like haru and mitsuru (heirs with distant dads...), and the PQ OC girl with futaba :] (introvert friends!!)(theyre like sucrose and collei in this year's windblume if you go there)

speaking of akechi though. yea he's part of the list of characters that surprisingly did not get butchered and in fact expanded upon in this game. aside from akechi it's P3 FeMC.

others i liked were P5 MC (his dialogue choices are SO out there), shinjiro aragaki, ken amada, yukiko amagi maybe yosuke hanamura and P4MC but their personalities just stayed the same instead of getting possible new insight?

i liked velvet room guys too theyre goated frfr! yes including marie. even i was surprised (probably cause akechi gets to poke fun at her and the twins hdjdhdhd)(cute)

i cant put P3 male MC anywhere cause i will always be biased towards him 😔🫰 (he was great btw)

but the crow character expansion in particular intrigued me and leads me to accept this game as canon like some ATLUS USA reps intended. akechi: stripped away of his obligations is a cunning, introspective and overall respectable young man and the game showcased all of his core traits well. he purposefully isolates himself from the main group and gets called out on it, consistently is the one that makes the most sense in discussions, gets various little moe moments... he honestly seems like he doesnt know what to make of all this forced bonding with strangers but he cant help to indulge anyway. 😭 he's vocal in discussions about their plans but a passive :) face in the background during fun moments until he's addressed or curious. the way he furthers the narrative along like they wouldnt get as far as they did without him i feel. but between all of that he was the main character to me.

the end scene where he seems regretful that he has to leave and go back to his revenge plot.... hurts. because for all intents and purposes we just saw akechi if he didnt have all that baggage and was just allowed to exist as himself. a smart guy with a whole life ahead of him. but he didnt choose that.

😔

oh god that emoji is huge but anyway. FeMC!! ^_^ the problems of toxic positivity being addressed in her arc was great. they really tried to give her as much love as possible without being too happy (persona games tend to make their characters suffer anyway to even things out) and it was great! her writing reminds me of kasumire's mental illness but with less romance tease pandering.

ah yes and the obligatory Persona side game OC... hikari and nagi. honestly wished they didnt exist as much as i liked hikari's thing 😔 it got old and outright cringe man im sorry like surely the devs could come up with something better than this?? way to not explain enlil and mess with the in-universe power scaling too LMAO. 2/10 is being generous!

anyway its a fairly short game in persona standards so i cant really say it's time wasted when i got so many character interaction crumbs..... i guess i lucked out by liking the characters that i do instead of ones that kinda got shafted in this. (except for aki but 😔 i just kinda accepted his blown out of proportions awkwardness outside of P3)

it's..... a 6/10 from me overall! music and velvet room attendants + nanako cameo DLC carried

[lesbiantahani]

i was already questioning if i should watch cm evolution bc i severely disliked the turn the some of the last seasons of cm had taken and after your post im just not going to bother with it akdjwkwkw what do you MEAN emily didn’t check on jj what did they do to my beloveds 😭

ksdksd honestly just keep updated on ur fav characters its not worth sitting down and watching the whole thing imo!! jj and emily literally have not interacted ONCE this entire season except for glances and brief words, its sooo strange and awkward and tension filled, considering the positive focus and strong bond they have had throughout previous seasons its just such a sharp turn in their friendship??? not even a 'oh god ur ok' hug or any relief expressed to jj from emily. my delusional ass is like oooh they defs hooked up and its awkward thats sooo were they're going skdks but thats just me being desperate.

not to mention other characters not interacting either!! ie penelope basically only gets scenes with rossi and that weird guy and luke (although i love her and luke) its just little to NO interactions with core female friendships, almost as if they dont exist???

like obvs this show is abt murder and serial killers first and foremost but you cant have a nuanced and well written show without character and relationships u know?? whats the point if theres no love. and these new writers have FIFTEEN previous seasons to go off with character bonds and background, and they basically went ummm actually that all doesn't exist and these characters have no personality or interest in their chosen friends and family :)

[nextstopparis]

Has the fandom addressed the parallel between Uther and Arthur’s death where they are both stabbed in the gut and held by one of the most important people in their life and they have to sort of tell the person not to go or get them help (“stay with me” and “just hold me please”) and they have their final “I should have appreciated you more you’re so important to me” speech?

anon i am SO sorry this took like two days sakjnxakx i dont know whats been wrong with me kjdnsncs

also. OH MY GOD?????

(4.03) (5.13)

first thing i can think of is:

ARTHUR: I'll go get help.

UTHER: Stay with me.

vs,

MERLIN: I'm not going to lose you.

ARTHUR: Just, just - just hold me. Please.

(YES I CRIED TYPING THE 'PLEASE' OK LEAVE ME ALONE) which is just. a father telling his son (often described by canon as a person who uther treasures unlike anyone he's treasured before) (erm. idk if i agree with that buT ANYWAY) to stay with him (hold him) in what he believes are his final moments. and also arthur asking his best friend to *just* hold him in HIS final moments.

UTHER: I'm sorry.

ARTHUR: No. Don't say that.

and

ARTHUR: ... For the kingdom you helped me build.

MERLIN: You'd have done it without me.

to me, in both scenarios, it just feels like. arthur is trying to reassure his father before his death ('no, don't say you've been a bad father. dont die thinking i blame or hate you. no.') (which i personally disagree with but ANYWAY). and merlin trying to reassure arthur before his death ('no, you didn't need me. don't die thinking you're worth any less. no, you could have done all this yourself') (which i also talked about here).

there's also:

ARTHUR: You can't die.

and

MERLIN: You're not going to say goodbye.

five stages of grief, beginning with denial, anyone?

after this, as you said, both arthur and uther give like. this mini speech. which at first i couldnt find any parallel between UNTIL. UNTIL I REREAD WHAT YOU WROTE ABT THE APPRECIATION. because uther talks about how arthur has always made him proud, how arthur is ready and HAS BEEN ready to be king for some time. which 1) is, from my understanding, the one affirmation from his father he has ALWAYS craved, literally since season one ("i always thought i was a big disappointment to you") BUT ALSO 2) it's almost. exactly what we as an audience need to hear? like, ok. i dont think anyone much CARES for uthers opinion on who's ready to be king but. still. if he's going to say anything, if he MUST, this is what the best thing he could say? this serves as like. one last confirmation i guess? like the "official" approval? arthur's father FINALLY saying something fatherly to him. lmfao

and, to parallel that, arthur THANKS MERLIN!! he acknowledges all the work merlin has done for him (whether he knows abt it specifically or not. i also wrote abt that here) and THANKS HIM!! again, at first i was thinking, idk how these two speeches parallel besides the timing and general sentiments but. LOOK. just like arthur has been dying for his father's approval since season one, merlin has also been dying for arthur to know about his help since season 1 too!!!! AS WELL, it's exactly what the audience wants to hear from arthur!! like we can talk about timing and execution and whether it was enough or not, but... more or less, it's what WE have been waiting for as well. arthur is FINALLY aware (to enough of an extent, imo) of how much More(TM) merlin is, you know?

and,

UTHER: I've always loved you.

this, to me, is kind of the same thing as:

ARTHUR: I want to say something I've never said to you before. Thank you.

because it's like this big. FINALLY. moment, you know? as well, it's their final words to the other person. idk if that made sense i hope it did. ANYWAY.

one interesting thing is that, unlike arthur (that we now know), that wasn't actually uther's death scene. BUT THE PARALLELS DONT STOP. BECAUSE MERLIN IN 5.13 THOUGHT HE STILL HAD TIME TO SAVE ARTHUR, JUST LIKE ARTHUR THOUGHT ABT HIS FATHER IN 4.03.

so the other parallel is: merlin begs kilgharrah for one last favour to take them to avalon just like arthur begs dragoon for a favour to save his father.

arthur's already dead by the time they get to avalon, unfortunately, and uther (not so unfortunately) has his fate sealed bc of morgana's neckless.

OH AND ALSO

dragoon gets a ride from a pendragon and

pendragon and dragoon get a ride from a dragon. which is the best/most serious parallel i think but. anyway.

[drabbles-of-writing]

fuck yea i got an anon name! yes ofc you can call me adopt anon. also i agree on the mind control but at the same time the idea of Raine being FULLY conscious and able to speak just screaming at the others to just leave them, how they arent worth it, basically Eda in the s1 finale but like ten times worse bc its kinda implied that aside from the BATs Raine is kinda? hella alone? like having enough time to work as a teacher AND research stuff AND get so far up in the ranks to become a coven head? poor rainecloud doesnt even have hooty or a king to cheer them up. and ofc they get the other BATs out first! mama Eda has 100% adopted those rapscallions imo. so Raine is just crying out trying to get the people they love to go away so they dont end up hurt and for some reason i picture luz saying "oh LIKE HELL IM LEAVING YOU I WANT THAT BACKSTORY ON EDA" before Eda bonks her on the head and everyone starts to talk about how Raine had an impact on their lives (from a distance bc mind control is Yikes).

Katya: you helped me reestablish myself after the prison break! Amber: you gave me a family! Derwin: you kept me from getting arrested for protesting! Luz: I dont really know you but you make Eda and Hunter HAPPY and my god they need that. Eda: you mean more to me than I could ever say while fighting for my life like right now, but if you let us help I'll use the rest of my days to drive it through your thick skull.

and then Raine is already super emotional but Hunter steps up and walks over despite the attempted attacks and manages to catch Raine in a hug and just kinda whispers "you showed me what a real parent is lik" and Raine starts BAWLING their eyes out and they magic and power of love their way out of everything.

and after Belos is dead and gone Raine officially adopts Hunter and Amber and they all move into the owl house (with a few expansions ofc) and then one day Raine is sitting on the couch when Eda comes in and says smth like "yknow, i dont really like my last name anymore, I mean, I helped take down a dictator! my last name shouldnt mean quiet!" and Edas like "yea well the only way to do that would be to marry m- HOLY CRAP YOU SMOOTH BITCH HOW DID YOU NOT GET STAGE FRIGHT" and it turns out that Gus had made an illusion to say Raines lines for them and they come out from behind a curtain or something and get down on one knee and propose while shaking like a damn chihuahua aiehgwfggfe

anyways if you cant tell i adore this concept lmao -adopt anon

i love that me handing out anon names is like getting a pokemon card lmao

and god your IDEAS dude!!! i could absolutely see a scene similar to this happening in an episode. i like the idea of Raine being sort of 'asleep' with the thorns covering their eyes while they act out wishes, but sometimes the thorns can part (w the power of love babey) and they can see through the thorns and pieces of them snap back and they are just horrified at what they're doing with tears and can barely manage choked out sobs for the others to leave them with the thorns in their throat and mind control still over them. because they started the batts in the first place because they felt they had nothing left to lose. sike bitch get in the found family

course all of Raine's batt kids aren't going to let them go that easily, and will be DAMNED if Raine gets away like that, and Hunter has already made Raine the designated Parental Figure so theres no going back now. they all just love 'em and the power of love (plus Hunter's slight knowledge on how the spell works) saves them and they grab Raine and Hunter and BOOK IT out of there and back to the Owl House where Raine gets a good long break and Discussion About Those Who Love Them. and meet Eda's kids properly of course.

Raine would be such a MESS w a proposal ofc they'd need an illusion to do it. they failed at it like 3 times already they clearly needed the help. Hunter is going through the 5 stages of grief overdramatically in the background because god fucking damnit now he's unofficial siblings with Luz even MORE now and Luz is just THRIVING

[tundrainafrica]

Which would you say are your favorite fanfics ever? (Levihan ofc)

Okay, I don’t think I’m the best judge of what’s quality or not quality cause I ain’t no writing authority so I cannot vouch for whether you will like these fics or not. But I am a firm believer that good writing makes readers feel things and leaves a lasting impression. 

So lemme rephrase the question… What fics left a lasting impression?

So brace yourself for one hell of a ride while I talk about fanworks that just fucked me up in the following ways: 

Caused me to irrationally hate one random character

Made me forget something isn’t canon

Made me completely rearrange my day because I completely f-ed myself up.

Made me feel guilty for fucking up the view count because I keep going back there.

Makes me remember the fic as an aesthetic, not as actual words. Like literally I will imagine the setting almost perfectly in my head and like when I try to remember what happened, I don’t really remember the writing style or anything, but I could probably create a sim house about how exactly I imagined the house to look like or the yard to look like.

Changed the way I approach fic reading.

I don’t wanna spoil these fics because I’m assuming people are gonna read it so as much as I wanna make a long ass detailed review about why I love each of them, I won’t. I’ll probably just mention what the hell I was doing when I read the fic and how I completely fucked myself over. 

I probably will miss some since I’m just listing these out from the top of my head. So here goes…And I’m only posting completed fics because I’m just that way. 

Second chance by @fanmoose12

This is my comfort fic. The first time I read this fic, it was like 4am or 5am in the morning and I remember after reading it once, I read it like 5 more times that day. 

This is literally the fic I just randomly open on my computer at work on some incognito tab when I’m just tired from all the shit they make us do at work and this is the random fic that I just open up when I feel like reading. And this is one of the fics I plan on showing my children one day when I explain to them what love is. 

This isn’t depressing so I guess it doesn’t fall in the ‘fucked me over’ category but definitely one of the fics I read too many times to count that I remember it scene by scene like some simp. 

Partners by fanmoose12

Woops, one exception for WIPs. I just had to post this here because it definitely left a lasting impression. 

This was the first AU I have ever read and been invested in and I have been reading fanfiction since before I could remember and I have always stuck to canonverse fics until I got into Levihan. 

This fic got me into the AU genre and I have never read AUs in my life before this so I think that says a lot about how much this fic means to me. 

Somewhere Only We Know by @someonestolemyshoes

It’s not completely posted in ao3 yet. But since I beta-ed the fic, I finished it long before SSMS posted it but this fic. It started slow so it took me a week of on and off work to get through  but I got through the second part of the fic, the last 30,000 words  incredibly fast. I vividly remembered reading those last final scenes over breakfast completely in shock while my whole family was there. I literally had to leave the room and take my dog out for a second walk . 

I remember the aesthetic of the overall story vividly enough to actually make a moodboard of it and spend a good 1 hour going through country side pics after finishing it. . 

Yellow by @ariadneamare​

God, this fic. I read this over a day of work. Like breakfast, first few thousand words, Lunch next few thousand words. And I finished the rest before bed and oh god, this is the type of fic that builds a great aesthetic, some lightness and just to fuck you over in the end. 

I like to compare it to a longer and AU version of Pristine in terms of how it strings emotions along. I know they’re two completely different fics but the energy of the fic, the stream of emotions on how it strings you along is fairly similar. 

This is literally one of those fics where I’m just having a good day, and my mind goes ‘remember that one fic’ and I just wrinkle my nose like ‘yeah THAT FIC’ 

Pristine by @mannatea​

I’m sure everyone has read this, it’s practically a classic and I cannot count the number of people who told me it was depressing and I do not know why I did not believe them. I read this while waiting in line for milk tea. I lost my place in line around the time I finished that last part and just gave up on buying milk tea.

It has this build up, this incredibly fluffy build up which won’t make you think it will end the way it did. 

Well. you know a fic is good when you know it’s gonna end a certain way but you allow yourself to get strung along anyway. 

A Simple Choice by just-quintessentially-me

This is one of those fics for me that double as an aesthetic piece and a plot piece. I remember INCREDIBLY WELL, the road I was imagining that they were walking through and it satisfied my hurt comfort feels as well. Definitely one of my favorite 115-126 fics and one of the first ones I read in the fandom for sure. 

So those are the english fics, I have to Japanese fics that fall in that category. 

(For anyone who knows Japanese I guess but I personally think they’re worth a google translate.)

熱に浮く(Feverish Dream)

Classic canon compliant. Hange takes care of Levi when he’s sick fic but there are misunderstandings here, they contemplate their relationship and they are incredibly emotionally constipated here. Definitely one of the classics imo and it feeds my need for hurt/comfort.

前世なんてクソだと言う女と 全て忘れた男 

(A girl who thinks past lives are not real and a boy who forgot everything)

Hange is a teacher, Levi is a janitor. Hange remembers stuff and Levi doesn’t and just really cute stuff. 

I’m pretty sure you guys are tired of me rambling about how much this fic means to me but really, I wrote a Tale of Two Slaves (Which is just brushing 100k words already) because this was just so beautiful it got me into the reincarnation genre.

私の中の少女、あなたの中の少年

(The girl inside me and the boy inside you) 

Levi and Hange are exes/childhood friends and they meet again in a matchmaking party. This is just the greatest balance between emotional constipation and love. The premise was just perfect for the type of build up 

Closest thing I’m gonna drop to smut here. Will leave my smut recs for another post but I’m low key really still thinking whether or not I should expose myself by dropping my favorite Levihan smut pieces hahaha.

Filo Socmed AUs

A lot of these probably aren’t google translatable since Tagalog google translate sucks but if anyone is interested, most Filo Socmed AUs have a fair amount of English so it’s coherent. I guess? I completely forget though how much is in English and how much is in Tagalog but these are the Filo Socmed AUs I REALLY remember and really go back to. 

Vividly Remembered 

This one got me blowing my days worth of salary on some meal in a restaurant because I didn’t wanna go back home to my house yet so I remember just crying over a meal while finishing up this fanfiction instead of going home. 

Basically a fic where Levi and Hange were together already and were about to get married already but shit happened. I irrationally hate Nanaba because of this Socmed AU. Like everytime I see Nanaba, i think of this Socmed AU and I just hate her again. 

Photographs 

Levi and Hange are part of the photography club and shit happens. I remember being behind on work because I decided to take a three hour lunch break to finish this AU. This satisfied my sick Levi craving in so many ways (especially after reading Yellow)

Wherein Levi doesn’t have social media accounts and Hange is the class beadle

This last one just has the overall aesthetic of my own university so it really stuck tbh. And the premise of the build up is just incredibly cute. 

These are the ones I can remember from the top of my head so I’m sure these are among my favorites. I’ll definitely update this as I read more.

[butterflydm]

midnight mass

Just finished watching Midnight Mass and... wow.

There’s really nothing I can say that isn’t full of spoilers so, here we go...

(the spoilers are abundant and go all the way through the ending and I spoil  major things)

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(I think there’s no ‘read more’ on mobile, right, so hopefully that’s enough space for people to skip)

I cried through pretty much the entire last episode, so thanks for that! But, no, wow, as someone who... while not ex-Catholic, is very much ex-Christian... that was an incredibly cathartic experience.

For anyone interested in it: almost all the characters DO die so, you know. Take that into account if you are reading this spoiler-filled review but haven’t watched it yet. If you decide to watch it, almost everyone dies.

It’s a vampire story. It’s a story about the church eating people up. It’s a story about repression and hunger and, oh, very very much about fear. It’s about regret. It’s about desperately wanting a second chance and about the fact that there are no second chances, not really. There’s only forward, and future generations. “We fade away. That’s how it’s supposed to be.” (quote probably not exact)

Drink my blood and have eternal life. It makes sense that John Pruitt, a religious man and a man filled with regret. Filled with fear. Lost and confused and alone. A man who spent his life in service of the church and denied himself the family he wanted desperately to claim for his own. When he was ‘reborn’ into a younger body, it makes sense that he WANTED it to be God giving him a second chance. He talks himself into it. We see him do it. He didn’t choose this ‘gift’ himself, but once he realizes what it could mean, he wants to share it with the people who mean the most to him. The love that was never his wife, and the daughter that he never acknowledged was his own. And the man that he saw an echo of himself in -- who had also been given a ‘second chance’ at life after his own life had been ruined because of his own choices.

And the people Pruitt most wanted to accept the ‘gift’ of eternal life all rejected it, because the price was too high. “Don’t interrogate a miracle” one of the believers says near the beginning of the series, but they MUST because they need to know why. Because if you don’t know why and if you don’t know how, then you don’t really know if there’s a price and if it’s worth paying.

(Leeza smiles at the end, when she realizes her miracle is gone)

It’s one of the best vampire stories I’ve ever seen. The ‘angel’ is... fascinating. It’s a predator, with a high hunger drive but an even higher reproductive urge. The way the heroes use that hunger against the vampires near the end is really well done -- using themselves as bait, sacrificing themselves to save the rest of the world from this monstrous predator that Pruitt brought into their midst. The predator that they couldn’t truly see until it was too late and far too much damage had been done to the community. Dressed in the robes of a priest, because of course. The walls of the church splattered with blood. Literally everything involving Bev, who is probably the person who actually set all this is motion (Pruitt NEVER should have been sent off alone at his age and in his condition!) and is the person least horrified by the horrors and the most willing to spill other people’s blood. She was a vampire long before she ever drank any of the angel’s blood.

There are a LOT of long philosophical dialogues and monologues, which I really enjoyed but I know those aren’t for everyone. But I’m pretty much Riley in my PoV re: death and what happens to us when we die, so I really enjoyed all the discussions he had with Erin and Pruitt. Sheriff Hassan also has some really good speeches; I think I may have already reblogged one of them before I watched the show, but there’s another great one later when he’s talking to Sarah. Some of the most intense scenes involve two people just sitting down and talking to each other. The actors were all fantastic, imo.

It’s been a while since I talked out my feelings about a show like this, so this is probably a little scattered and all over the place but, yeah. Just needed to get the words out.

[akampana]

Continuation of this ask

Bedivere x Arturia - Ship it

What made you ship it?

TBH I was one of those few people who shipped it based on that like 2 second scene at the end of FSN. The Camelot Singularity just reinforced it. A lot came from the original Arthurian legend as well. Bedivere is similarly insanely loyal as he is in the game, and like in Fate lore, he’s been with Arthur longer than most.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

He journeyed so far for so long just to see her smile OH MY GOD BRB IM SOBBING HOLY CRAP CAN YOU JUST IMAGINE—

I’m a sucker for intensely loyal knights and I will always be. ALWAYS.

THE ANGST POTENTIALLLLLL but also THE FLUFF POTENTIALLLL

This man loved his king so bloody intensely. So strongly that his desire to see her survived the test of time. To be loved so much, so unconditionally for a thousand and a half years? Gods, that’s just too much, man. ;-;

And I absolutely adore how much it means to him to remain her knight, even if he tends to be insecure about the limb that he lacks, and how he believes he is nothing special in comparison with everyone else. I love that Arturia recognizes his strength and his worth, even if he himself can’t see it.

THE ENTIRE CONFRONTATION IN THE THRONE ROOM LET ME TELL YOU I WAS CRYING SOOOOO HARD THROUGHOUT THAT IK NIT EVEN KIDDING

THIS, the MINDBREAK Arturia goes through when she tries to remember

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I think that THIS SHIP NEEDS MORE LOVE AND I REALLY OUGHT TO CONTRIBUTE

All the other answers below cut!

Irisviel x Arturia - Ship It

What made you ship it?

I think I was bound to the moment I watched Fate Zero. When I was younger it was overshadowed by the feels Diarturia brought and not to mention Kiritsugu and Iri but this ship is damn good on its own.

What sold it though, is the argument she and Kiritsugu have in Episode 16, right after the last Saber and Lancer fight. Irisviel, who we all know loves her husband so much, forced Kiritsugu to answer Saber. That’s just how important Arturia was to her.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

I think they both found in each other something they themselves lack. It’s actually kind of funny. Arturia is human, and yet she’s so heavily consumed by her ideals that she doesn’t act like one. Irisviel, on the other hand, is not human, and yet everything that she does and wants to do is exactly that.

Throughout the anime, Being with Iri puts Saber into such mundane, ordinary situations that it teaches her to live. The suits, the escorting, being a passenger instead of a driver, appreciating the water by the seashore, etc. It's like the woman wants to leave her with some appreciation for the world, especially when she herself doesn’t have all that much time left.

On Irisviel’s part, I think she found in Saber the companionship she would have wanted from Kiritsugu during the last few days she remained on the Earth. Arturia had been the perfect knight in shining armor, taking Irisviel around to see the world as much as they could amidst a war. If they’d just had more time, I have no doubt Arturia would have taken Irisviel even more places, you know?

It makes me sad :( but in a good way.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I’m pretty sure Irisviel would wear the pants in this relationship ya know what I mean? Hahaha

Much as I love this ship, I think that it becomes all the more valuable because of how it ended. To each other, they were this brief, fleeting feeling of happiness. A love that was so short and yet so strong.

Shirou x Arturia - Don't Ship it

Hooooooo boi. Hear me out, mkay ? But this is just my personal opinion so pls no hate

Why don't you ship it?

I’m gonna start out by saying I don’t think I need to, tbh. Hahaha there’s enough content for this ship being fed to us, so my liking it or not is immaterial. But the reason is well...I watched FSN and Shirou x Saber was...not the best thing about it (the best thing about it was the soundtrack omg iconic) Shirou comes off as a bit of a misogynist, and kind of immature, and the whole time it’s like he doesn’t really listen to Arturia at all. Plus, it’s kind of like he just likes her looks at times. The final deciding factor was the date scene. That was just unbearable.

But then I go online and I see all this good stuff about them. And my friend ships them cause they’re canon, right? So, I’m like okay, what if I judged too quickly, let’s play the VN...and I did. And I still didn’t like him with Saber at all. So, I played the next route, watched the next anime, trying to redeem 1st route Shirou as much as I could but it just....didn’t happen. I think I can safely say I tried to like them. I really did. But no.

What would have made you like it?

Removing the misogyny and the immaturity and letting him listen to her. Like he should have.

At no point in their interactions did it feel like they were standing on equal ground, ever. Either he was speaking over her or the opposite. So less of that and a lot more respect.

And when you compare this relationship to what he has with like with his other two love interests, it makes this ship fall completely flat. It’s pretty...bland and honestly kind of shallow. It’s like the story just tells you they’re in love but there’s no answer to why they’re in love. Make him fall in love with her for her without necessarily forcing his need to save everyone on her.

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

I may not like how they got there, but in the end Arturia was able to pass peacefully.

I acknowledge that Shirou was important and made a change in her life.

That ending scene where they meet after so long, NGL is pretty sweet.

A lot of my headcanons happen post-Shirou, so there’s also that.

Archer x Rin -Ship it

What made you ship it?

Tsundere x Cynic has gotta be one of the best dynamics out there.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

His true identity. The fact that she dragged him all the way across space and time to return as her Servant, that’s just bloody fate at work.

The fact that he keeps acknowledging she’s a strong Master despite his later conduct in UBW.

Archer is ridiculously crass and Rin is easily riled up. In the Fifth Holy Grail War, they had the best Master-Servant relationship period. They have this explosive chemistry that just works so well.

When he smiles at her at the end of the route, and you just know that Tohsaka’s gonna be stubborn enough to make sure Shirou doesn’t end up going down the exact same path.

I think it’s sweet that he ends up going along with her whims because he secretly likes housework.

THE PRINCESS CARRY/ CATCH. MAN OH MAN.

Unlike the previous ship mentioned here, these two actually stand on equal ground with each other.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I don't think it's exactly an unpopular opinion, but I think they really ought to have more official content y'know? Rin is important in every route, and Archer's the actual climax of UBW and also entirely significant across three routes.

Medusa x Sakura - Don't ship it

Why don't you ship it?

Because while journeying through the routes, I always saw Rider as more of a best friend/sort of motherly figure to Sakura.

Or that Rider fulfilled the kind of relationship that she wanted to have with Rin, while Sakura unknowingly filled the void Medusa's sisters left in her life. I thought she was more of a guardian angel really, not a romantic interest. Kind of like how Heracles was to Illya.

What would have made you like it?

If I could maybe forget about the threesome with Shirou and the implied romantic feelings Rider has for him in Ataraxia that would be great.

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

Sakura deserves all the happiness in the world and I really do believe that Rider could fulfill that.

This ship DEFINITELY DEFINITELYYYYYY NEEDS MORE CONTENT

Diarmuid x Cú - Ship it

What made you ship it?

oooh this probably sounds surprising since based on my content you'd think, no i dont ship this BUT I DOOOOOOO (i just happen to hc them as bros more often)

Honestly what did make me ship it is the parallels.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

IMO They have the biggest potential for hurt/comfort amongst all the ships mentioned here.

They can help each other get through their trauma. Their whole relationship would be extremely healing and supportive.

I love that Diarmuid seems to have idolized Cú Chulainn at some point and honestly who wouldn't be honored to stand beside him, no?

They could be up to the funniest shenanigans because Cú is chaos and Diarmuid would absolutely be an enabler because when he isn't angst-ing he's super damn chill.

Bros being bros hahahah...unless?

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Not really. Maybe that I think Lancer Diar and Cascu would get along better and Saber Diar and Lancer Cu would also get along better but honestly any form is good this ship is good

[fangirlinglikeabus]

in what is quite possibly one of the worst decisions in my life, i’ve decided to read every classic doctor who novelisation, in story order. because i’m incapable of doing anything without recording it, i’m posting my thoughts as i go - whether i liked it, how different it is from the original, if i think it’s worth it. full disclaimer, this won’t be an exhaustive list of changes because i don’t think i know any serial well enough, and my own opinions of the original stories will probably influence how i react to them written down. anyway...here’s season 1 (under a read more because it turns out i have an unfortunate number of opinions on the novelisations of 57 year old episodes)

doctor who and an unearthly child by terrance dicks  i guess if you’re a completionist?? there’s a few minor differences, including the odd decision to change ‘eh? doctor who?’ to ‘eh? foreman?’ and have the doctor introduce himself as the doctor, but honestly this just kinda hammered in the dullness of the caveman plot, and there’s some neat aspects of the first episode, like the pov shots, that are lost by just slavishly converting What Happens into text. end result is something i found significantly less interesting than the original! feat. the complete absence of susan’s flaming-skull-torch scene, barbara being described as ‘bossy’, and the narrative voice lumping barbara and susan in as ~the girls~ even though one of them is a grown woman and the other’s teacher. also really wish terrance dicks had cut out the racist line about native americans!

doctor who and the daleks by david whitaker oh god, this is so much better just on a ‘feels like an actual book that can stand on its own’ level. it also changes a lot more, including adding a new opening (which actually makes the doctor creepier because it takes place far away from housing so ian and barbara have a much greater reason to suspect him) and fleshing out the final invasion sequence a bit. susan also goes by ‘susan english’ in this because apparently whitaker decided that foreman was too subtle. we get some ian/barbara stuff here but personally i wasn’t too into it: they don’t know each other before the book starts and whitaker introduces some weird arguing drama i don’t care about or understand, so a lot of the appeal of their relationship (imo) wasn’t there, and unfortunately that made for some frustrating reading that hurt my enjoyment of this. speaking of our favourite schoolteachers, it’s from ian’s pov, so scenes without him are either cut out completely or told to him later on. this book also made me pick up a lot more on how masculinity is coded in the story (not really a fan of that!), but unfortunately even in print i can’t tell any of the thals apart. 

the edge of destruction by nigel robinson full disclaimer i am 100% biased because edge of destruction is one of my favourite season one stories, but i really liked this. mostly changes are just adding bits onto scenes (barbara’s ‘how dare you’ speech gets lengthened for one - pretty sure it adds some of her lines from an unearthly child but i’m not certain) but it also adds entirely new stuff which takes us deeper into the tardis than they could on tv (for obvious budgetary reasons). plus we get a bit of a recap of what’s come before, and apparently susan doesn’t know who dickens is. there’s a few bits which i feel were a bit overexplained (we can probably extrapolate the doctor was ‘furious at his ability being called into question’ without being told) and the opening doesn’t quite have the confusing energy of the tv version’s imo, but overall a pretty well realised novelisation - although it does have the recurring ‘girls’ problem which i complained about with dicks, and there’s this weird uncomfortable bit at the beginning where susan’s appearance gets compared to that of an east asian person in a way that struck me as orientalist.

marco polo by john lucarotti this ABSOLUTELY highlighted that apparently the details of marco polo don’t stick with me too well. i think it’s mostly following the script, which is fine, because lucarotti at least doesn’t feel like he’s phoning it in a la terrance dicks’ an unearthly child, although there were a few bizarre uses of indirect speech (like it would just switch in the middle of the character talking), as though he was hurrying onto the next bit. we get a brand new-ish opening, which is understandable because obviously these novels weren’t serialised to go one after the other like the television series. the big change that stood out for me is that ping-cho gets an Actual Love Interest, and unfortunately it isn’t susan :(

doctor who and the keys of marinus by philip hinchcliffe hinchcliffe writing this is so odd to me. it’s like if they got barry letts to novelise the happiness patrol or something. ANYWAY keys is terry nation’s best contribution to doctor who, and also happens to be my favourite of the season, but this doesn’t add much particularly - apart from, bizarrely, giving altos long blond hair. there is absolutely no plot motivation for this, he just looks like that now. hinchcliffe has some nice descriptive passages, but i’m also pretty sure ian didn’t slap barbara in the original and he does here so uh. that’s kinda bad.

the aztecs by john lucarotti same weird thing with indirect speech, but this one definitely benefits from being 3 episodes shorter than the last story lucarotti novelised. there’s a lot more detail gone into about aztec culture and details which is nice and interesting, definitely the thing that stood out most for me here and i think it’s almost worth reading the book for that alone. uh...aztec warriors wear less than they could probably get away with on screen so ian goes around shirtless if you’re into that? we have some stuff about gods which is fine and interesting until it veers into stuff i suspect may be putting christianity on a pedestal a bit - that’s not great given the colonial context! - and tlotoxl has gone full shakespeare’s richard iii with a hunchback and limp which smacks of ableism to me and isn’t fun at all. oh yeah, and the doctor’s ‘i made some cocoa and got engaged’ line had the wording changed so like...what’s the point. 

the sensorites by nigel robinson i mean i guess?? i actually like the sensorites quite a lot, and this is competent as an adaptation, but it also genuinely doesn’t add much to the story apart from a few nice descriptions and some (sigh) much less nice orientalism. remember that description of susan in the edge of destruction? the sentiment’s back with ‘asiatic’, and the sensorites come in for a bit of it too. overall not one of the greats of these books and tbh i don’t really have much to say about it either!

the reign of terror by ian marter so, funny thing about this one, it was written before anything about translation circuits was canonised, and to get round that...ian marter just decides that everyone in the tardis crew starts speaking french. barbara’s better at it than ian, apparently. as a story it doesn’t really add much, although i do really like marter’s descriptive passages. it does double down on the gaoler’s creepiness, including him leching at susan, but that’s not a fun addition! i found the plot a bit easier to follow when it was set down in prose honestly, even if it did make me notice more the dismissive way the lower class revolutionaries were treated at the beginning - they’re drunk, or slovenly - but i think that anxiety about the descent into chaos is common to a lot of french revolution stories. 

[norgestan]

crisana, norandro, jorgeva and amira x dani

ha, anon just wanted all the canon couples. fair enough!

CRISANA:

see, skam s3 is my favorite season of all time, but it has never been because of the love story. isak's story hits in a lot of sensitive places for me, and isak was also the first main character i encountered that was my age. i have a really special connection to him for that reason. on the other hand... i enjoy evak for what it is, but i never saw a future for their relationship after the season ended. in a lot of ways, isak's season ended just as their relationship started, a trope that i've never liked because how am i supposed to think that they will last? how am i supposed to know how they will work as a couple? it's just, ugh.

i had similar thoughts about crisana when i watched s2, except that the love confession scene and cris as a character made it even harder to get into the couple. moreover, the way people brush other characters' roles and presence on other seasons because they're so caught up on cris and joana is like... blegh. like it makes me forget that they're actually a well-written couple at times. because imo, og they never did anything really interesting with evak once they got together. but eskam........ oh, dear eskam.

there's something so beautiful about thinking of all the girls, the teenagers that will grow up watching a relationship like theirs on popular media. their entire subplot (??? can i even call it that) in s4 is proof of how GREAT of a relationship they turned out to be. like, i just wanna SCREAM thinking about it because, how is it possible that eskam saw evak and said "we're gonna make this SO good and we'll take our time and then tie it up in an incredibly satisfying and emotional way" and then did exactly that!!!!!! the way they respect each other, communicate, genuinely try to get to each other without dumb miscommunication. the way they understand each other and lift each other up! the way joana knew how to recognize cris' intelligence when everyone was telling her she's dumb, the way cris knows how to make joana feel worth it and show her affection in such a selfless, loving way. their last scene on joana's pov in s4 was the first time i cried during that season, just because it was all wrapped up so beautifully. because eskam understood that although the appeal of their relationship comes from the soulmate status of every evak couple, they had to also put in serious work to make it all work and they also managed to get that across with grounded drama, and also a hopeful message for people struggling with mental disorders. like AAAAAAAAAAAAA god what a great couple they are. maybe i'm too much of an eskam bootlicker but they're genuinely the best evak there is. i'll die on this hill. i'm so happy young wlw get to watch them as a guideline of what they should expect of a relationship.

NORANDRO: already done :)

JORGEVA:

i mean... it's eskam's fault, without a doubt. i love what eskam did with them in s1: the change of pacing, the way they created jorge, the little story changes to make it more nuanced, i think come together in a pretty satisfying way to show a teenage romance with no real support to last for more than a while. i don’t think eskam fully got the gist of what jonas was supposed to be, but it’s for the better if we think of the message in season 1. for that reason, jorge is like the one jonas who i really wouldn’t mind coming back to his eva. so why don’t i like them?

the answer is simply that i don’t enjoy their trope and i don’t think eskam made a real case of eva and jorge getting back together. they work well as friends, sure, and it’s clear as day that jorge still has feelings for eva, sure. but like, what tells me that they’re just ready to go all in again? eva goes through a really great arc and i would definitely agree she’s in a good place to be in a relationship again, but we know NOTHING about jorge’s journey. he’s just, silently pining on eva and that’s it. i do think it’s sweet and the hints of their lost romance throughout the show are wholesome, but there’s just nothing more to it. jorge and eva work AMAZINGLY as friends! i don’t see why they should push a romantic endgame for them. in my head, eva kissing jorge at that party was just a mesh of the excitement of a new era, the nostalgia of ending highschool, the high of being on this place with someone she really cares about, stuff like that, but it just ends there, and it’s great that way. nothing about eva’s character really led to her aching to be in a relationship again, and for me it feels right to end things with her being single and surrounded by great friends.

MAYBE if eskam had devoted some time showing us their progress and romantic potential instead of trying to convince us that kasim was a real, compelling character. maybe. lol.

DAMIRA:

(god, i don’t know how long this will be LOL)

i have. so many thought about this fucking pairing. let’s see what we can do LOL. the thing about damira is that i don’t think it’s a pairing that eskam had in mind when they laid out the first two seasons. the little hints of a friendship/childhood crush that happened during cris’ season really got the fandom and they quickly became the most popular non-canon ship in the show, so that’s where i think eskam said “okay, let’s run with this”. but it’s just...... meh. like i can tell that relationships like crisana were carefully crafted (well implemented in nora’s season, greatly wrapped up in amira’s season) but i cannot say the same for dani and amira. it’s almost like virihugo, where they just started giving each other Eyes on the middle of season 3, out of NOWHERE. it just feels forced to me and so i never really felt anything for the couple in question... like, for starters, i think nora and miquel were WAY more shippable than those two, strictly talking about their setup.

if you ever saw any of my posts during s4 then you should know how i actually feel about how they developed their romance (check my anti damira tag for more?) and i don’t wanna go through all those specific points again... but damira is not only an infuriating romance, but also a bad pairing in a narrative setting. like, damira clearly exists to answer amira’s questions about how would the future of a romance with a white guy would be, right? does she get an answer? no she fucking doesn’t, their final clip is like “after all these weeks, we still have no idea so we’re gonna cut things short, go back to our initial dynamic, and wait to see if amira any of us change our minds <3″. so like, even in that sense damira is a HUGE waste of time, and just like everything that happens to amira during her season it has no lasting impacts on her character or her settings.

and personally, i love couples where they’re both equal, and communicate at last, and both make great efforts to change so the relationship can flourish. this is why i offer so much praise to norandro and crisana, where in the first couple both character go through tremendous character growth and work through their problems individually before getting together, and in the second couple they show them clashing and fighting just to display their resolutions and show how willing they are to actually talk to each other and keep their relationship stable. dani and amira, on the other hand.... blegh. eskam wants me to think dani is a knight in shining armor for liking amira but that’s all he ever does. he doesn’t defend her in front of his friends, he doesn’t make efforts to get to know her and her world, he doesn’t communicate his real feelings to her, and the one time he did he humiliated her in public. like, idk, like, even MIQUEL explicitly defended nora when his roommates berated her for not drinking alcohol LOL.

at the end of the day the problem with damira is that it completely misses the point of yousana and its target audience. making yousef a white guy is not necessarily a bad choice if you implement it well (which eskam didn’t do btw), but you have to take into account that sana’s season exists to make a primarily white christian-raised audience relate and stand up for the muslim characters in the show. when the lazier partner of the main couple who makes zero efforts to work on the relationship happens to be white, it just means people will be sympathetic of him, and nor amira - and that’s exactly what happened in the show. people either thought amira was being too harsh by laying conditions for dani before they even began dating and making sure he respected her boundaries, or just wanted all the drama to go away soon so amira could kiss dani by the end of the season. so like, yeah. terrible stuff.

i would’ve liked damira’s impact on the season and amira’s journey a lot more if it had been about a one sided childhood crush from amira’s part. i thought their friendship was charming up to s3, and i simply hate that dani is literally in no way an older brother figure for the girl squad, since it’s a dynamic that’s lacking in the show and it would be a nice way to make dani be some sort of non-creepy eskild for the girl squad (but noooo, his only interactions w the gs are hooking up with eva and dating amira. smh). it would’ve been fun to have amira intimately dealing with those feelings just to learn a lesson by the end of it, at the time that she also falls for her muslim love interest - which is actually the isak/jonas/even dynamic when you think about it, also something that eskam didn’t really do with cris’ season. but also, all of this would mean that eskam had to do the good writing thing for s4, which they kinda forgot to do throughout the entirety of the season so, yeah.

[yourdorkiness]

My Opinions On Jujutsu Kaisen That Literally Nobody Asked For

I finished binging the Jujutsu Kaisen manga in 48 hours. I am having some expresso, because I’m depresso.

Here’s a Sad Stitch to show you how I feel.

(And of course, warnings for discussion/ranting/kinda meta on the Jujutsu Kaisen manga below the cut, so please read at your own discretion!)

Sukuna is truly a Bastard™, along with Mahito. 

I just- *cries in Shibuya Arc aka PAIN*

*Pulls out megaphone* Nanamin. 

That’s all folks. Thanks for reading, have a nice day!

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.

(Just kidding!)

Ugh, NANAMIN 👏 WHAT 👏 A 👏 MAN 😭 😭 😭 😭 I became a certified Nanami stan once I saw the tired business man aesthetic (plus, his words about how work is shit? Truer words have never been spoken), and his little speech about adults and responsibility, how children no matter their circumstances are still children, and should be given the opportunity to act as such. Because, YES, FINALLY, A RESPONSIBLE ADULT WITH THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL aka the voice of Kenjiro Tsuda

Anyways, I love how the Jujutsu Kaisen manga shows that adults can handle things, and that is A-OKAY!!! If Jujutsu Tech follows the Japanese school system, Yuji is a first year in high school, so he’s probably 15 or 16 years old, way too early to go through Shibuya level of trauma (though, I think anybody is too young to have to go through what happened to Yuji in Shibuya). 

Children should have the privilege to be children. That doesn’t mean coddling, it means that children should have plenty of time to experience new things, enjoy being a child, and I’m so happy Nanami says this! 

In conclusion, Nanami deserves happiness and a vacation to Kuantan 🥺

YOSHINO JUNPEI!!! He and his mom deserve happiness, they’re both precious beans. I didn’t even realize Junpei was dead until 5+ chapters later. But it was too late, for I had already gotten attached!!! *cue curse worthy screeching* 

I was so excited for Junpei to join Jujutsu Tech, too! I had this whole headcanon of Junpei being HAPPY again, talking about movies with Yuji, interacting with the other first years, him seeing Panda for the first time!!! The thing was, back then, it wasn’t headcanon! I thought it was going to be facts, until Gege said ‘lol, you thought, peasant’, before spitting on any hope of mine for a happy Junpei.

(On a completely different tangent, I would be SO psyched if I got to meet a talking panda, we could act out all of “Kung Fu Panda” together, especially the chopstick scene, and maybe we could go to a zoo, just to mess with the zookeepers about a honest to god PANDA walking on its hind legs around the zoo)

‘If Junpei had lived’ is a phrase I think about a lot, and I think that is why the “Young Fish and Reverse Punishment” arc  was so crucial to the story and yet so tragic. 

Junpei has so much potential to be happy, and then he didn’t get the happiness he deserves. It really sets the tone, the high stakes to the whole manga, for we see the amount of damage a curse inflicts on somebody who could be in a situation like Junpei. 

As the readers, we understand the reasoning behind Junpei’s ideology, sympathizing with him as we see what horrible torment he has to go through. That very first scene of this arc, where the bullies made him eat the cockroach and BURNED HIM WITH A LIT CIGARETTE, and the teacher who saw all of this happening, JUST TURNS AWAY!!! It was haunting. But finally, finally, we get a light at the tunnel for Junpei in the form of our lord and saviour, the cinnamon roll of cinnamon rolls, Itadori Yuji. HERE is a person who is able to connect with Junpei, who wouldn’t dismiss how Junpei’s circumstances or feelings. and then Junpei dies.

(look at this cute face, how could you Mahito?!)

Also, the symbolism in the opening? The Junpei fish ENLARGING??? HNKDJSFLJDSF JUNPEI NOOO-

Also ALSO (sorry this is the last ‘also’), did we ever learn if Junpei was a sorcerer, or was he a window that possessed enough talent to summon a shikigami? I at first thought Junpei was a window, since he was able to see Mahito, and was hoping that we’d get a more detailed explanation of what windows actually do. (Do they just wander around Tokyo, or wherever they live, and act all ‘La Dee Da, just living my regular, normal life, oOOHHH is that a special grade? Tell that to the sorcerers, maybe I’ll get a bonus!’ Is their life basically a demented version of Pokemon Go? I have so many questions-)

All the villains were well written, and had super cool character designs. My top three villains other than Sukuna, my top three villains are Geto, and Mahito.

Geto’s backstory in the Hidden Inventory arc was so incredibly written, I especially liked the way Gege wrote how Getou’s righteous ideals gradually deteriorating throughout the Hidden Inventory arc as he realizes the depth of the curses of humanity, the dark hatred the “weak” hold towards things they have no understanding of. (i.e. Riko’s death by the Star Religious Group, Haibara’s death, and finally the villagers ignorant treatment and abuse towards Geto’s twins, Mimiko and Nanako, beating and imprisoning them for “causing” the deaths of the villagers) Geto’s chilling charisma and the reasoning behind his actions as a villain makes him a top tier villain in my eyes. 

As for Mahito, I love to hate him, and that why I think he is a great antagonist. I guess I’ve just been seeing a lot of villains that because of their tragic backstories, the readers or characters sympathize with them and rationalising their actions, turning the villain into a flaky antihero of lesser impact. It’s very refreshing to have a villain who is just pure evil. 

I think that Mahito fulfilled his purpose as an antagonist very well; his twisted ideals on the worth of human life foiling Itadori’s own ideals of giving others a “proper death”, the curse making Yuji continuously adapt both physically and mentally to defeat him. Physically, by learning new spells and techniques to defeat Mahito, such as the Black Flash (and possibly his own cursed technique! The weird “Past That Never Happened” in the fights with Choso and Todo), or mentally, by questioning his ideals, such as what exactly is a “proper death”, after Yuji had to kill the transfigured humans. 

(Ew look at this worm.)

Some Honorable Mentions of Good Villains IMO: Jogo, because I find his ideals of curses, who stem from the true emotions of hatred and fear, being superior yet suppressed by the emotionally faceted humans is definitely fascinating, and eerily reminds me of Geto’s hatred towards non sorcerers.  Dagon was pretty cute in his Cursed Womb stage, and I really liked Hanami because the eldritch environmentalist aesthetic is pretty coolio  👌 .

How do Inumaki children learn to speak if all the adults barely talk, only saying inane words like “salmon” and NOT ACTUALLY meaning “salmon, the fish” but an adult secret code for a definition that you might not even know?? Or do the adults just charmspeak the kids, like “SPEAK small child, and have full language comprehension, O tiny ball of pudge!” and boom! Babies talking in complete sentences, maybe understanding weird adult customs. Will the child know when then adult actually mean salmon, the fish, and not the code word salmon?

Let’s assume that Inumaki clan children from learning to speak to four or six years old will be able to speak normally until the clan technique sets in (because that’s when the jjk wiki says cursed techniques kick in). How do you explain to a toddler: “Hey sweetie, happy birthday, have a present! Oh, by the way, those cool tattoos of yours mean that you can’t talk normally to anybody anymore, EVER. Only using these specific words as code to mean these specific meanings, restricting any chance of normal interactions with non-sorcerers if by some inane chance you DON’T want to become a child soldier jujutsu sorcerer. Welp, guess you have to become a jujutsu sorcerer now! Make sure to restrict your choice of words, you could kill somebody! Have fun playing with your Legos honey, welcome to adult life.” Like, EXCUSE ME? 

You can’t tell mw a four year old is expected to understand that (or didn’t kill somebody by accident via cursed speech. That MUST have happened at least once). 

This is all an elaborate way of saying please give us Inumaki backstory, I’m very curious.

Anyways, thank you for reading my post, and I hope you have a nice day!

[mirkwoodest]

History Channel's Vikings By Season According to Émile, post-rewatch (spoilers!)

vikings s1: Good

yeah it just slaps, sets of the world, makes you care. there's a reason it got renewed. the themes get set up, the cool stuff they do with languages, all good. Not perfect, but good.

vikings s2: Great

Plot is even more exciting than s2 in my opinion. The family reuniting in a new way rules. the set-up and twist in the finale is *mwah* 'My main issue was that Kwentrith was given a really 2D pussy-nality. Her stuff with Ecgbert and hitting on everyone was a red flag for the pointless horniness of the next few seasons, RIP.

vikings s3: Cringe until the last 3 episodes

U g h Yeah it gets very annoying here. The horniness of this season gets really tiresome here. Where before if felt like there was sexual energy that served a purpose, it started to get really pointless and annoying in this season. The way they wrote Þorrun off was annoying. Her arc felt very pointless and her motivation for leaving lacked depth. I couldn’t make myself care at all about the Saxon politics and that’s the show’s fault, not my fault, because I found that stuff plenty engaging in  The Last Kingdom. 

Good character development for other characters, especially Rollo and Bjorn. Aethelstan's stuff is pretty good. Was I sad to see him go? Yes, but I know George got a great gig as the main character of Versailles after this and I thought his death was respectful of his narrative arc. Unpopular opinoin maybe, but I appreciated Ragnar’s first signs of downward spiral. THE SEIGE OF PARIS IS SO GOOD. Literally felt like I was just waiting for the whole season to get back to this section. It seems like they put all their energy into these three episodes and it made all the cringe worth it. 

vikings s4 part 1: VERY cringe until close to the end. 

The Yidu plot was a HUGE fuck up. one of the worst of the entire show imo. Introducing a woman of color doesn’t get you any diversity points if make her a 2 dimensional sterotype and kill her horribly, lol. The political stuff in Paris with Odo and Charles and the offbrand Lannisters? Not a fan. Don’t care. Didn’t come here for that. Contributed nothing. The political stuff in Wessex with Exbert and Judith and Aethelwulf and Kwentrith? Not a fan. Don’t care. Didn’t come here for that. Could have all been cut and nothing would have been lost except for maybe little glimpses of baby Alfred. So many excessive and pointless horniness. Like WHY?

The only sex scenes that didn’t make me cringe were with Rollo and Gisla because they were funny and light and served a narrative purpose. Rollo and Gisla’s stuff was all solid gold. I would have liked more of it, to be honest. Enemies to lovers arranged marriage slowburn? Medieval powercouple? Girlboss/Malewife vibes? I wanted them to have a spin-off. Bjorn and the bear was a GOOD plot. It was a very effective way to make Bjorn grown up very fast. Lagertha making good on her promise to kill Kalf and doing it on their wedding day? A real GirlBoss move. I was similarly satisfied by Torvi’s stuff. I think it’s rad that she was such a minor character in season 2 and by season 4 she’s gotten pretty interesting. Ragnar’s downfall hurt, but it was a long time coming. It narratively made sense. As soon as they got back to Paris, the battles were once again wicked. That shit with the towers and the chain and the fire arrows was beautiful. Seriously, planning out interesting and engaging battles is one of the main strong suits of this show, it never disappoints. Finale? GOLD. Making us root for Rollo and feel satisfied that he had defeated the family of protagonists we’ve been rooting for this whole time? Genius. The jump forward in time!!!!!!! I remember I lost my shit watching it the first time. Because all of the first half of S4 is all about Ragnar falling to pieces, it was really useful and hopeful to see OH YEAH the next generation is about to take over.

vikings s4 part 2: Soooooooo good oh my god.

The tragedy. The coming together. Knowing that everyone's shit is about to get wrecked. TBH this might be the strongest season in terms of big-picture storytelling without neglecting nuances of individual characters. Biggest complaint is just that Gisla was treated as a dead end when there was still so much potential for interesting shit to happen with her and Rollo. Sigh. I thought Lagertha's characterization started to fray a bit though. Like it seemed like she was at peace w/ Aslaug so why kill her after she surrendered?

vikings s5 part 1: Decent

Good plot. Less over-the-top horniness. Very solid except Heamund was very annoying. Stuff with the brothers was pretty good. Lagertha's characterization continued to fray though. Idk why I don't have much to say, I guess that kind of speaks to the quality of 5a. Not mindblowing but not rage inducing.

vikings s5 part 2: Okay...

The plot itself was pretty good except Freydis is 2D as fuck. Great potential just left to rot on the floor. I'm in love with Gunnhild. Heamund was.... poorly cast. They continued to tone down the over-the too horniness and everyone benefited. Gunnhild my beloved... Thorra's character existing just to be fridged was 🙄 Speaking of which Hvitserk's arc was all over the place and totally disconected from where he came from of where he was going.

vikings s6 part 1: Good

Good tbh. Kiev is DOPE. Ingrid was kind of 2D. Hvitserk's fixation on Thorra was kind of hard to buy into because she had so little screentime and personality before being fridged. Bjorn's, Ivar's, and Hvitserk's arcs all felt solid and interesting. Loved everything with the little Russian prince. Yeah. Bjorn's kid dying felt very pointless though, and made me annoyed at Lagertha. Lagetha's end was good. Bjorn wrecking Hvitserk was extremely triggerig hahaha but good. The battle with the Rus was good. Character development for everyone but Hvitserk felt solid

vikings s6 part 2: Good

Mostly all good. Bjorn's final stuff was great. Hvitserk and Ivar's stuff was good, the Rus plotline was good. I really disliked the Gunnhild, Ingrid, Harald, Eric stuff. Like compared to the other plotlines it felr very hollow. They made Ingrid more 3D at least. I have mixed feelings about Gunnhild..... like it was kind of a badass end, but she was supposed to be the mother of kings???? The England plotline was pretty good, especially Ivar, Hvitserk, and Harald's stuff although Alfred just couldn't compare with TLK's Alfred in terms of depths. He was comparatively very 2D. I think they rushed Hvitserk's arc completion. There was interesting stuff that could have been mined. Ubbe and Torvi's stuff was p agonizing but the payoff was huge. I liked the Canada plotline. Very satisfying and a beautiful counterbalance to to the tone of the entire show, creating a really fitting ending in my book. Like perfect? No, of course not. The had sooo many strings to tie up so it would have been almost impossible to do it perfectly. But overall it was a satisfying and natural end. I felt like investing so much time to go on a journey with these characters was worth it in the end and it gave me a lot to think about.

[nalyria]

God Michael! 🤣🤣 I finished playing Shadows of Saintsfour about two days ago during the Freeplay event and my LI was Michael.

I played SOS awhile ago but didn't get pass season 1 because I thought the series was super predictable which made it boring, but WOW DID IT PICK UP IN SEASON 2, esp 3!!! I can't believe it got better within those 2 seasons. I thought the story would be dragging on for no reason, but was pleasantly surprised that season 3 and season 2 were tied together with 1. And they existed in one cohesive story! I can't believe that I would have never, and I mean NEVER, would have touched this story again if it wasn't for the Freeplay event. I completely underestimated this story... I would have missed out this gem. Now I see why this is one of the more well-liked and popular book of the app now.

That being said, I love Michael. No not love, I ADORE him. Seriously.

I never screencap game moments but I had to for Michael. I never felt so much adoration for a character that made me want to do this 🤣🤣. I love the romantic scenes between MC and Michael and the conflict that was presented in season 2. And his asshole-douchery flaw....

In his next line, he says he's worried about you. He's just worried, but still Michael, no need to bring your girlfriend's friend down. ESPECIALLY WHEN THAT FRIEND HAS BEEN WITH HER THROUGH THE THICK AND THIN THAN YOU DID IN SEASON 2 and 1!!! (ofc Michael saved MC's life in season 1, but Derek has been sticking with MC when Michael hasn't, which is alot)

However, his sweetness towards MC is altogether too much. I wish he had more interaction with her friends tbh. But now I present the last line (I think) and perhaps the best from Michael...

So sweet 💕. Gosh he is still fallen head over heels for us 😳😭 like the first time. The sex scene with him was also so sweet... the line said everytging about him is familiar, yet there is something new to discover. 🥺I love how protective he is of MC and how absolutely loyal he is to her. He runs away with her FFS!!!! He leaves a gang and family with an equally traumatized brother just to be with her. He leaves everything for MC and if that doesn't scream Bae material, I don't know what else. He is the epitome of a ride or die partner and I cannot, I don't think, can feel the same attachment to the other LI's in this book. Probably John though lol.

I was super anxious during the train station scene because I thought I didn't have enough points with Michael for him to run away with me and the writers made it seem so, so I tapped pretty fast, half reading the lines in trepidation. When I read that he actually came and then we held hands as the train departed... my heart... 😭💔💔💔💔 RC don't play with my heart like that 🤣🤣🤣

That aside, I wish Michael had a bigger role in season 1, 2, and 3. He did in season 1, but he stopped appearing frequently, esp in 2 and 3. I thought he would appear more often because he's MC's bf. And it would make more sense for both of them to search together. Even unromanced, it would still make sense for Michael to hang with MC's group because they're the only ones who are really actively looking for Bobby. This would have led to more dynamics and interest in MC's friend group..alas, this didn't happen. A missed opportunity IMO but I suppose his absence could be explained by this: he has his own life. Lol. Or a different way of doing things. Still doesn't really make sense to me, but oh well. I still very enjoy his route and his development nonetheless.

I also wish other LI's had more moments with MC. I heard Stephanie was sidelined, not sure though because it was as though the main love interests would only appear around the time our chosen love interest appears. Not sure how much that is true since in season 1 I didn't romance her. Strange how she barely appeared in my route though. I thought she would help us more or become part of the gang, but she didn't. Disappointed because I would have def liked another best friend besides Candy and again, more layer to the friend group. Her interaction with Michael would have def be interesting.

I also wish that non-romanced main love interests appeared more than the Black dragons. To me, I don't think their role fit with the story very well if you think about it. Luke and Stephanie def would. Stephanie's grandma is acquainted with Mrs. Hill and is a witch; Luke's family's hold over the cursed painting. I wish the black dragons' appearances were at least shared with the non-romanced ones. Like I wish I knew what Luke and Stephanie were up to in detail. It was seriously strange for Luke to not be around when Bobby was missing and that he never tried contacting us. In both seasons 2 and 3, I couldn't stop wondering what they were up to and missed them (although Luke drugged us lol).

So imo, the black dragons' role should def be less than Luke and Stephanie. Definitely weird, but it is what it is.

Speaking of the Black Dragon's, Aaron is a hot daddy. Like GOD DAMN. I couldn't help but flirt and kiss with him although I was scared that it might ruin my relationship with Michael 🤣🤣🤣. Cherry.. i would like cherry if he was drawn better. At first, I couldn't like him because of his sprite but his personality is ahh, so mischievous, I love it. I would have picked Aaron over cherry though LOL.

I would replay season 3 to romance them again, but the scenes are very few and I already played most of them. I'm just missing their final sex scenes really, so it's not really worth it to replay the entire season just to get their ending and final sex scene lol.

I can't bear to cheat on Michael with Aaron or cherry, I can't do him dirty like that. Like for FFS, Aaron married Luke's sister and we never, at least imo, build the same heart wrenching connection we do with Michael compared to them. And the fact that he freaking left everything in his life for 10 years to be with us!! Like nooo I can't!! 🤣🤣 there aren't enough scenes with the side characters to justify the cheating 🤣🤣 Michael is too gentle and sweet for the hurt.... but i did cheat on him with Derek HAHHAHA mostly because 1996 Michael wasn't available so I thought something happened so I was like ALRIGHT GUESS WE FUCKIN'. I was tempted to choose Derek over Michael because Derek has been with us more than Michael has. Not to mention, he really cares for MC. Wish there was a 3p ending with both of them 😭😭 they're both super loyal to MC and would lay their life down for her.

The same thing with John too. I can't bear to see Michael grieving over MC and MC picking John over him... can you imagine Michael dying and finally seeing his dearly desired dead gf in DreamWorld but only to see her gettin' it down with some guy who tried to kill everyone in the past? 🤣🤣🤣 nah man I can't do him dirty, especially when Michael saved us from the Faun. Speaking of that event, it was weird that there wasn't a conversation/consequence from Michael who saw John kiss us LOL. And he definitely heard us talking about the intimate moments we shared HAHAHAHA. Though, John's short route is terribly cute. I really enjoyed it tbh. Surprised that we didn't have any repercussions for cheating on Michael with him. Moving on, I watched his ending on YouTube and it was super bittersweet.😭

I honestly like his route a bit more than Aaron's. Or equally. Can't decide! Aaron's route is basically MC still in love with her old crush who used to intimidate her and was exciting since he's someone you wouldn't acquaint yourself with, especially as a young, inexperienced student. And then coming back as a mature woman, and still knowing that you're in love with him and he is still too, ah so cute. That moment you share with him in the snow on the swings 💕💕. Honestly I feel like that moment MC needed a proper adult figure to comfort her so that scene was a bit weird and made me think, hm, MC is probably crushing on him because he is older, hot, and is sort of providing a parental comfort to her lol. In my HC universe, MC crushes on him, but it quickly dies because she was vulnerable in the moment. I'm happy that that moment didn't escalate any further and that Aaron didn't chase MC unless MC did in the end. It would have been very weird because it would have been a moment where he, as an adult figure, take advantage of MC. Then again, it's fantasy/fiction. To each to their own eh? I still enjoyed it. I honestly could personally relate to the line where Mc says that the experience and age (something like this) provided comfort to her, so that moment felt awfully sweet to me.

In the end, there could only be so much you can push in in a story game app.

I still really enjoyed this story. Despite the flaws I pointed out, I love this story to every bits. I find this much more entertaining than SOTF, so I'm glad that it is written the way it is. Perhaps I should write a post about SOTF in the future since I'm close to finishing it, but I don't think I will since I don't like it much.

[laufire]

Supernatural s3

It’s so unfair that the season that has Ruby AND Bela is so short :(((. I was done with it waaaay too quickly, and now I’m speed running through s4 xD (which, like the first time around, is Strong Mixed Feelings territory).

-My girl Ruby!!!! I was so happy to have her back, I kept grinning like a loon every time she was on screen. It’s quite interesting watching the 1.0 and 2.0 versions so close to each other, instead of as they air. I have... Thoughts, on whether Ruby as a double agent was something planned or that they decided as they went, but that’s for the s4 post. s3!Ruby really doesn’t come across as one (“I don’t believe in the devil” oh I wish sometimes xD, I love my nonbelievers), imo, but the beauty of such a device is that you can rationalize anything she does as devious if you want to xD

And it goes without saying that I love her interactions with Sam. THIS SHIP ISTG. I love how immediately ~attuned to her he is lol, his present and instinctive concern for her even if he tries to mask his interest as “practical”. And all the repeated times Sam’s conflicted between her and Dean -like when he deviates Dean shot (wasting one of the Colt’s bullets lmfao) or during the argument about the virgin sacrifice xD. And the “that’s my boy”/ “little fallen angel on your shoulder” quotes!!! Ruby 1.0 deserved to be railed by Sam too, smh.

My favourite episode of hers is “Jus in Bello” (which would be my fave of the season just by virtue of having both Bela and Ruby in the same episode lol. Not interacting, of course, the world as we know it wouldn’t have survived). I just love that she gets that final moment of I TOLD YOU SO to the brothers xD. I really like how she expands on the demonic lore of the show- I love, LOVE the detail about how all demons used to be humans, how they’re souls corrupted in hell. And that in her past life she was a witch (there was this really good fic in Spanish fandom about it... I need to hunt it down).

BTW, though I think her interactions with Dean in that episode are interesting, it really hammers home how much I hate him sometimes xD. Can you stop saying misogynistic slurs for TWO GODDAMN MINUTES, DEAN (and as we know from as early as this season, only HE can have demon/monster friends!! What a fucking hypocrite xD). I freaking love the moment in the finale when she viciously yells him about how she wishes she could see him in hell lmao (and how it foreshadows that when she shows sympathy later, it’s actually Lilith in disguise lmfao). I hate Dean gets the last word in their dynamic, tbqh. Until the s15 cameo, at least xDD

One thing that’s been bothering me xD: the French fries. Demons are vulnerable to salt, like other spirits, right? (and hey, look what a nice piece of foreshadowing that was). How does that translate to food lol. Because Ruby adores French fries, and they obviously contain salt. It’s like spicy food for humans? Or like pineapple? Inquiring minds etc. xD

-I still cannot believe Bela Talbot was only on the show for six episodes lmao. Her presence still lingers in the watchers’ heads so much?? Which is understandable because she’s Lead Girl Material if there was ever any lol. The care with which they styled her even?? You don’t do that for just any character lmao (I mean, just look at most of SPN’s female characters for comparison xD).

Her ship with Dean could’ve really been something, too -even if I hate Dean in it, I can’t deny it packs a punch, narrative-wise. I mean, the Batcat undertones alone!! The fake married undercover shenanigans!! And I think it’s really interesting that she’s such a blind spot for him; Dean’s unusually intuitive about people, but with Bela he takes everything at face value and she can fool him like no other (while, OTOH, is Sam who questions her facade and wants to see more). If he hadn’t been such an idiot (and such an asshole) he could’ve had a really powerful ship. Sucks to be him lol.

Anyway. Man, I love her. So much. I love how Gordon’s threats to kill her don’t work on her, and I love that the show basically said “Bela killing her abusive parents is good, actually” (I’m so tired of forgiveness narratives, you guys. This entire show is founded on revenge, so let me get my revenge fantasies in peace!!) xDD. And I love, LOVE that she withheld that truth from Dean, that she decided he wasn’t worth it. OTOH, you know, fuck the fans that got her written out, definitely; but on the other, I do love how her story ended (and that it was a clear "fuck you" to shitty fans). Doesn’t stop me for wanting to read and re-read (and maybe write!) even more “Bela escapes hell” fix-its, but still.

Also, very important question: what happened to her cat?? It’s the cat alright?? I’m going to headcanon that she left them with that cougar friend of hers lol.

-So. THE DEAL. Okay. Oof. I love this storyline, a lot. A loooot. I love the conflict it creates between the brothers (as long as there’s still conflict and Sam hasn’t yet started taking everything lying down I can enjoy that part of their narrative lol). I love Dean’s initial forced giddiness about “making the most out of his last year” and I love the moment Dean decides he does want to try to live because it makes the last few episodes all the most desperate and cruel (and hey, I’ve heard he only went to hell because the season was cut short due to a writers’ strike... if that’s true that’s so funny lmao).

My absolutely favourite part however? That you can FEEL Dean’s unvoiced resentment towards Sam. For Dean having to die for him, even if Sam never asked him to. He lashes out to Sam repeatedly through the season, but it really came to ahead in the dreamspace episode, where Dean confronts another version of himself that talks about how Sam was “dotted on” (the revisionism asldfkaf). This show is absolutely ruthless when it comes to showing you its characters’ ugly, unfair reactions to things and it’s my favourite thing evah.

Speaking of the dreamspace episode, OMFG. I loved both brothers there. Dean’s hallucination, seeing himself as a demon? And how he let out his anger about John?? Beautiful, truly (regarding John, I also loved their different reactions when it looked like his spirit had contacted them: Dean jumping on it and Sam detached skepticism). But my favourite part has to be when Sam uses the villain’s abusive father against him. Like. Damn. That was cold-blooded o.0

The second-to-last episode, when Sam tracked down that Frankenstein doctor to try and make Dean immortal was ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING OMG. I loved that. I love that Sam wanted to use it for both them. It was some scary shit. I also love the scene where the crossroads demon questions whether Sam really wants to break the deal, I’m gathering it’s going to be nice foreshadowing later on in the show lol.

Anyway. I also found Dean’s death scene more impactful than Sam’s. Partially because of the horror of it, but mostly because I think at this type of scenes, Padalecki is better. Sam’s grief felt more real, Dean’s got me out of the scene (it’s the voice, I think. Sometimes Ackles’ voice takes me out of scenes, it sounds... forced).

I also really enjoyed how the time loop episode wrapped around this subplot. It managed to be both heartbreaking and mind-numbly hilarious lmfao. Like?? All the deaths?? Were so pathetic?? I tip my hat to Ackles because I don’t think most actors could carry plots like this half as well lmfao.

Sidenote, it’s always a trip to see The Trickster God knowing that fucker is Gabriel. Archangel “hey Mary do you accept God knocking you up” Gabriel. Which I guess isn’t exactly a thing in this show?? Since according to the wikia SPN Jesus was “just a man” (and let me tell you, I’m tickled pink by the fact that out of ALL mythological figures, specifically all CHRISTIAN mythological figures, the show decided to go “nah” on Jesus Christ. I mean, I guess he’d take away from Dean’s, Sam’s and Castiel’s resurrection narratives, but still. It’s so funny!!).

-Gordon Walker remains a superbly acted and fascinating character with extra racist nonsense alsdkfjasdf. But I can’t deny I loved seeing him as a vampire. He was terrifying. And I’m definitely shipping him with Kubrick, ouch xD

-The Ghostfacers episode is... something. As in, incredibly exploitative and homophobic and with an egregious case of BYG (and the first where I’d say it’s incontestable to claim the trope was used. s1 and s2 are muddy territory given the circumstances, IMO, but this one is 300% BYG), but so successfully manipulative my heart hurt for Corbett and Corbett x Ed still. Fuck them for that ngl. I do still enjoy how anti-Winchesters they all are though xD

-3x01 introduces the one nice marriage of hunters so far, between a black couple. The man dies in a gross, horrifying way within the episode ofc (because he was Mean to the the brothers duh). She makes it out alive, and since she doesn’t reappear in the show she gets to live. So for now black women have a sliiiiiightly better track record in SPN than track guys there: they get to appear in a few more episodes and be more fleshed out (Victor, Gordon), but as long as they’re only in one episode they get to live!! (Cassie, Tamara).

-Rufus and Bobby are exes, right? Right?? Probably still married in some state? You know that post about how when gay marriage was legalized across the USA there were a lot of issues because some couples had split and never bothered to divorce, since it was only legal in one place? That post was made for them. Pity Rufus is a black man, and as such has a limited number of allowed appearances before he’s killed off ¬¬

-I would’ve enjoyed Dean’s moments with Lisa and Ben more (it’s just so RIGHT that in this moment he’d want Ben to be his) if my knowledge of future spoilers didn’t perpetually have me in a state of “pls keep this guy away from kids” lol.

-They had Harmony’s actress (BTVS) and they made her a vampire!! The show’s hard on for the Buffyverse is a bit of a hit and miss but I can’t say I don’t relate xDD.

-I know Jensen Ackles can sing (in fact thanks to youtube I know a few of the actors can... is there a musical episode. Does this show have its own OMWF. I need to know). So why. WHY. Does he sound like that during “Dead or Alive”??? I actually like the scene but he sounds so off-key lmao.

-BTW, I found out that apparently Katie Cassidy and Lauren Cohan originally auditioned for each other’s roles añslkdfjasf. I can’t picture it. Ruby 1.0 is Ruby 1.0 and Bela is Bela xD. Although I’ve seen each playing roles that could meld with the other, just. Nope. Good choice on the casting there lol.