#but really any male space is ridiculous on some level

[ivan-fyodorovich-k]

why are male spaces so deeply embarrassing

[breelandwalker]

PODCAST RECS - Debunking and Fact-Checking for Witches & Witchcraft Spaces

A collection of podcast episodes fact-checking, debunking, or just providing some clarity on modern myths, misinformation, and conspiracy theories that are frequent flyers in witchcraft and pagan spaces, both theories mistakenly touted by community members and some of the utter drivel spouted by non-witches that still affects us today. Check out these shows on your favorite podcast app!

(Updates to be made whenever I find new content. There will be some crossover with my Witches In History Podcast Recs post and some of the content will be heavy. Blanket trigger warning for violence, abuse, bigotry, sexism, antisemitism, and mistreatment of women, queer people, and children.)

[Last Updated: July 09, 2024]

This post is broken into three basic sections:

Historical Misinformation

Modern Myths and the People Who Create Them

Conspiracy Theories and Moral Panics

List of Cited Podcasts, in alphabetical order

American Hysteria

BS-Free Witchcraft

Dig: A History Podcast

Hex Positive

Historical Blindness

History Uncovered

Occultae Veritatis

Our Curious Past

Our Fake History

Ridiculous History

Stuff You Missed In History Class

The History of Witchcraft

Unobscured

You’re Wrong About…

Historical Misinformation

General History of Witchcraft

Historical Blindness - A Rediscovery of Witches, Pt 1 & 2 Oct 13, 2020 & Oct. 27, 2020 A discussion of the early modern witch craze and the myths, misconceptions, and theories about witches spread by academics. Topics of discussion include the works of Margaret Murray and Charles Leland, the founding of Wicca, the emergence of the midwife-witch myth, and folk healers as targets of witchcraft accusations. Sarah Handley-Cousins of “Dig: A History Podcast” supplies guest material for both episodes.

Hex Positive, Ep. 36 - Margaret Effing Murray with Trae Dorn July 1, 2023 Margaret Murray was a celebrated author, historian, folklorist, Egyptologist, archaeologist, anthropologist, first-wave feminist, and the first woman to be appointed to the position of lecturer in archaeology in the UK. So why so we get so annoyed whenever her name is mentioned in conversations about witchcraft? Well, it all has to do with a book Margaret wrote back in 1921...which just so happened to go on to have a profound influence on the roots of the modern witchcraft movement.

Nerd & Tie senpai and host of BS-Free Witchcraft Trae Dorn joins Bree NicGarran in the virtual studio to discuss the thoroughly-discredited witch-cult hypothesis, Murray's various writings and accomplishments, and why modern paganism might not have caught on so strongly without her.

BS-Free Witchcraft, Ep 03: The History of Wicca October 06, 2018 On this episode, Trae digs deep into the history of Wicca, and tries to give the most accurate history of the religion as they can. I mean, yeah, we know this is a general Witchcraft podcast, but Wicca is the most widely practiced form of Witchcraft in the US, UK, Canada and Australia… so how it got started is kind of important for the modern Witchcraft movement. (And trust me, there aren’t any pulled punches here.)

BS-Free Witchcraft, Ep. 28: The Burning Times May 30, 2020 On this installment of the podcast, we tackle probably one of the more controversial topics in the modern witchcraft movement: The Burning Times. What were the actual “Burning Times,” where do we get that phrase from, and what really happened? Also, how has this phrase been used in modern witchcraft? It’s a heavy one, folks.

Dig: A History Podcast - Both Man and Witch: Uncovering the Invisible History of Male Witches Sept 13, 2020 Since at least the 1970s, academic histories of witches and witchcraft have enjoyed a rare level of visibility in popular culture. Feminist, literary, and historical scholarship about witches has shaped popular culture to such a degree that the discipline has become more about unlearning everything we thought we knew about witches. Though historians have continued to investigate and re-interpret witch history, the general public remains fixated on the compelling, feminist narrative of the vulnerable women hanged and burned at the stake for upsetting the patriarchy. While this part of the story can be true, especially in certain contexts, it’s only part of the story, and frankly, not even the most interesting part. Today, we tackle male witches in early modern Eurasia and North America!

Dig: A History Podcast - Doctor, Healer, Midwife, Witch: How the the Women’s Health Movement Created the Myth of the Midwife-Witch Sept 6, 2020 In 1973, two professors active in the women’s health movement wrote a pamphlet for women to read in the consciousness-raising reading groups. The pamphlet, inspired by Our Bodies, Ourselves, looked to history to explain how women had been marginalized in their own healthcare. Women used to be an important part of the medical profession as midwives, they argued — but the midwives were forced out of practice because they were so often considered witches and persecuted by the patriarchy in the form of the Catholic Church. The idea that midwives were regularly accused of witchcraft seemed so obvious that it quickly became taken as fact. There was only one problem: it wasn’t true. In this episode, we follow the convoluted origin story of the myth of the midwife-witch.

Dig: A History Podcast - Cheesecloth, Spiritualism, and State Secrets: Helen Duncan’s Famous Witchcraft Trial July 3, 2022 Helen Duncan was charged under the 1735 Witchcraft Act, but her case was no eighteenth-century sensation: she was arrested, charged, and ultimately imprisoned in 1944. Of course, in 1944, Britain was at war, fighting fascism by day on the continent and hiding in air raid shelters by night at home. The spectacle of a Spiritualist medium on trial for witchcraft seemed out of place. What possessed the Home Secretary to allow this trial to make headlines all across the UK in 1944? That’s what we’re here to find out.

The Conspirators, Ep. 63 - The Last Witch Trial Nov. 26, 2017 England’s official laws regarding the prosecution of witches dates back to the 1600s. Those very same laws would also remain on the books until well into the 20th century. In 1944, a psychic medium named Helen Duncan would gain notoriety by becoming the last woman to be tried under England’s witchcraft laws.

The History of Witchcraft Podcast, hosted by Samuel Hume Witches didn’t exist, and yet thousands of people were executed for the crime of witchcraft. Why? The belief in magic and witchcraft has existed in every recorded human culture; this podcast looks at how people explained the inexplicable, turned random acts of nature into conscious acts of mortal or supernatural beings, and how desperate communities took revenge against the suspected perpetrators.

Unobscured, Season One - The Salem Witch Trials Welcome to Salem, Massachusetts. It’s 1692. And all hell is about to break loose.

Unobscured is a deep-dive history podcast from the labs of How Stuff Works, featuring the writing and narrative talents of Aaron Mahnke, horror novelist and the mind behind Lore and Cabinet of Curiosities.

As with his other series, Mahnke approaches the events in Salem armed with a mountain of research. Interviews with prominent historians add depth and documentation to each episode. And it’s not just the trials you’ll learn about; it’s the stories of the people, places, attitudes, and conflicts that led to the deaths of more than twenty innocent people.

Each week, a new aspect of the story is explored, gradually weaving events and personalities together in chronological order to create a perspective of the trials that is both expansive and intimate. From Bridget Bishop to Cotton Mather, from Andover to Salem Town, Mahkne digs deep to uncover the truth behind the most notorious witch trials in American history.

Think you know the story of Salem? Think again.

Witchcraft and Other Magical Practices

BS-Free Witchcraft, Ep. 43 - “Lilith” Jan. 29, 2022 Host Trae Dorn discusses the ongoing debate over whether or not it’s okay for non-Jewish witches to incorporate Lilith into their practices. Is Lilith closed? Is it cultural appropriation? There’s so much misinformation in New Age and poorly written witchcraft books on Lilith, it’s hard for some witches to get a clear picture. It’s common to run into folks on social media talking about Lilith as a “Goddess,” which she very much isn’t. Let’s dive into the origins of the folklore surrounding this figure, and we’ll let you decide whether or not it’s okay to work with Lilith. But, uh, spoiler – we don’t think you should.

Historical Blindness, Ep. 106 - Lilith, the Phantom Maiden November 22, 2022 Host Nathaniel Lloyd explores the evolution of the figure of Lilith, from Mesopotamian demon, to the first woman created by God, and back to a succubus mother of demons. It’s a tale of syncretism, superstition, forgery, and a dubious interpretation of scriptures.

BS-Free Witchcraft, Ep. 55 - Lucky Girl Syndrome and the Law of Attraction January 28, 2023 Trae takes a look at one of New Age spirituality’s most toxic philosophies - The Law of Attraction. The history of the idea is discussed, where it came from, and how this dangerous combination of prosperity gospel, purity culture, and victim-blaming has come back in a major way to a whole new generation as “Lucky Girl Syndrome.” 

Hex Positive, Ep. 19 - The Trouble with Tarot August 1, 2021 Tarot and tarot-reading have been a part of the modern witchcraft movement since the 1960s. But where did these cards and their meanings come from? Are they secretly Ancient Egyptian mystical texts? Do they have their origins among the Romani people? Are they a sacred closed practice that should not be used by outsiders? Nope, nope, and nope.

This month, we delve into the actual history of tarot cards, discover their origins on the gaming tables of Italy and France, meet the people who developed their imagery and symbolism into the deck we know today, and debunk some of the nonsense that’s been going around lately concerning their use. The Witchstorian is putting on her research specs for this one!

Stuff You Missed in History Class - A Brief History of Tarot Cards Oct. 26, 2020 How did a card game gain a reputation for being connected to mysticism? Tarot’s history takes a significant turn in the 18th century, but much of that shift in perception is based on one author’s suppositions and theories.

Hex Positive, Ep. 23 - The Name of the Game November 1, 2021 Bree delves into the history, myths, and urban legends surrounding Ouija boards. Along the way, we’ll uncover their origins in the spiritualist movement, discover the pop culture phenomenon that labeled them portals to hell, and try to separate fact from internet fiction with regard to what these talking boards can actually do.

Our Curious Past, Ep. 20 - The Curious History of the Ouija Board August 18, 2023 Host Peter Laws explores the history of the “talking board,” which was wildly popular in the early 1900s, until something happened that would tarnish its’ reputation for good. 

Ridiculous History - Brooms and Witchcraft, Pt. 1 & 2 Oct. 13-15, 2020 Most people are familiar with the stereotypical image of a witch: a haggard, often older individual with a peaked hat, black robes, a demonic familiar and, oddly enough, a penchant for cruising around on broomsticks. But where did that last weirdly specific trop of flying on a broomstick actually come from?  Could the stereotype of witches on broomsticks actually be a drug reference? Join Ben, Noel, and Casey as they continue digging through the history and folklore of witchcraft - and how it affected pop culture in the modern day.

Historical Blindness, Ep. 116 - The Key to the Secrets of King Solomon  May 02, 2023 Host Nathaniel Lloyd continues his occasional series on the history and mythology of magic. In this installment, he looks at the development of the story that the biblical King Solomon was actually a flying-carpet-riding, magic-ring-wielding wizard and alchemist who bound demons to do his will. The origins and content of the legendary Key of Solomon are also discussed.

Dig: A History Podcast - Plastic Shamans and Spiritual Hucksters: A History of Peddling and Protecting Native American Spirituality July 24, 2022 In the late 20th century, white Americans flocked to New Age spirituality, collecting crystals, hugging trees, and finding their places in the great Medicine Wheel. Many didn’t realize - or didn’t care - that much of this spirituality was based on the spiritual faiths and practices of Native American tribes. Frustrated with what they called “spiritual hucksterism,” members of the American Indian Movement (AIM) began protesting - and have never stopped. Who were these “plastic shamans,” and how did the spiritual services they sold become so popular?

Historical Blindness, Ep. 145 - All Is Number: Pythagoras and Numerology May 28, 2024 In this installment of the ongoing Encyclopedia Grimoria series, host Nathaniel Lloyd talks about a cult leader who is remembered as a great mathematician, whose real lasting contribution to the world is the nonsensical divination "magic" known as numerology.

Holidays

Hex Positive, Ep. 28 - The Easter-Ostara Debacle April 1, 2022 Host Bree NicGarran puts on her Witchstorian hat once more to delve into the origins of both Easter  and Ostara and to finally answer the age-old question: which came first  – the bunny or the egg?

Historical Blindness, Ep. 28 - A Very Historically Blind Christmas Dec. 18, 2018 An exploration of the origins of Christmas traditions, with special guest Brian Earl of the Christmas Past podcast. (There is also some mention of Christmas witches!) Further installments of this series explore additional Christmas traditions and iconography which have been falsely claimed to have pagan origins as well as the myths surrounding the history of Christmas itself. (Eps. 47, 63, 84, & 132 in December of subsequent years)

Modern Myths and the People Who Create Them

Ed and Lorraine Warren

You’re Wrong About…Ed and Lorraine Warren w. Jamie Loftus November 8, 2021 Special Guest Jamie Loftus tells Sarah about Ed and Lorraine Warren (of The Conjuring and Annabelle fame). Topics of interest include Connecticut as a locus of scary happenings, New England uncles, and psychic communication with a tearstained Bigfoot.

Dig: A History Podcast - The Demonologist and the Clairvoyant: Ed and Lorraine Warren, Paranormal Investigation, and Exorcism in the Modern World Oct 3, 2021 In the 1970s, Lorraine and Ed Warren had a spotlight of paranormal obsession shining on them. In the last decade, their work as paranormal investigators–ghost hunters–has been the premise for a blockbuster horror franchise totaling at least seven films so far, and more planned in the near future. So… what the heck? Is this for real? Yes, friends, today we’re talking about demonology, psychic connections to the dead, and the patriarchy. Just a typical day with your historians at Dig.

History Uncovered, Ep. 92 - The Enfield Haunting That Inspired "The Conjuring 2" Oct 25, 2023 The Enfield Haunting began with a bang. Literally. From 1977 to 1979, an unassuming North London home was the site of near-constant paranormal activity, from knocking sounds and moving objects to disembodied voices and the terrifying alleged possession of one young daughter of the Hodgson family. But how much truth was there to these happenings? And since the Warrens got involved briefly and subsequently touted themselves as experts on the case (and made money from talking about it), how much of what we think we know reflects the actual events?

"Paranormal" Literature & Media

You’re Wrong About…Winter Book Club - The Amityville Horror, Pts. 1-3 Dec. 20, 2021 - Feb. 6, 2022 Sarah tells guest host Jamie Loftus about the Amityville Horror, how it’s a Christmas story, and buying murder furniture might not be such a great idea. Further highlights include Jodie the Demon Pig, poor insulation and terrible parenting as evidence of a haunting, lots and lots of sunk cost fallacy, and how the book kind of debunks itself.

You’re Wrong About… - Michelle Remembers, Pt. 1-5 March 26, 2020 - April 30, 2020 Intrepid hosts Sarah and Mike delve into one of the foundational texts of the Satanic Panic - “Michelle Remembers.” A young woman spends a year undergoing hypnosis therapy, which uncovers repressed memories of shocking and horrifying abuse at the hands of a Satanic cult. The book became a foundational text for both mental health professionals and law enforcement attempting to grapple with an alleged nationwide network of insidiously invisible child-abducting cults. The only problem is…none of what Michelle remembered ever actually happened.

You’re Wrong About…. - The Satan Seller, Pt. 1-5 June 28, 2021 - August 9, 2021 Sarah and Mike return to Camp You’re Wrong About for another Satanic Panic story hour. This time, the summer book club explores Mike Warnke’s 1972 “memoir” about joining a demonic cult, rising through the ranks of Satan’s favorite lackeys, his sudden downfall and redemption, and the California hedonism that made him do it. This is followed by a discussion of the Cornerstone Magazine exposé that brought the facts to light and thoroughly discredited Warnke’s story.

American Hysteria, Eps. 64-66 - Chick Tracts, Pts. 1-3 March 20 - April 03, 2023 In his own lifetime, Jack Chick was one of most prolific and widely-read comic artists in history. His company, Chick Tracts, published hundreds of millions of copies of pocket-sized bible comics, filled with lurid illustrations of cackling demons, wicked witches, and sinister cults, all hell-bent on corrupting any hapless mortal they could get their hands on. These tracts were meant to be left where they might be found by a sinner in need of salvation, with a scared-straight morality-play approach to Christianity that contributed in no small part to the period in the late 20th century we now call the Satanic Panic. (There’s also a follow-up two-part episode about one of Chick’s “occult experts,” who claimed to be, among other things, a real-life vampire.)

History Uncovered, Ep. 95 - Roland Doe, The Boy Who Inspired "The Exorcist" November 15, 2023 In 1949, priests performed an exorcism on a boy referred to as "Roland Doe," aka Ronald Hunkeler, in a chilling ordeal that became the real-life inspiration for William Peter Blatty's 1971 book, "The Exorcist," and the movie adaptation released in 1973. But what really happened during this alleged exorcism and was there any proof of the claims of alleged demonic paranormal activity surrounding the events?

You're Wrong About... - The Exorcist (with Marlena Williams) December 27, 2023 Marlena Williams, author of "Night Mother: A Personal and Cultural History of the Exorcist," joins host Sarah Marshall to discuss the little possession movie that changed America forever. Was the set cursed by Satan himself, or plain old 70s misogyny? What makes a country going through a cultural upheaval embrace stories about the Devil? And - the most critical question of all - do Ouija boards really cause possession?

Frightful, Bonus Episode - Is the Paranormal Like A New Religion? June 25 2024 Since the early 2000s, paranormal content has exploded in popular culture. It seems we can't get enough of ghosts (and hunting for them). What could be behind this enthusiasm for spooky things? Host Peter Laws shares a theory - that the paranormal is a clever way for us to be religious...without being religious. (This is less a debunking than a discussion of a personal hypothesis, but it deals with the pervasiveness of cultural religious themes, the influence of social media on modern mythmaking, and the sense of community surrounding paranormal belief.)

Conspiracy Theories and Moral Panics

Ancient "Mysteries"

Historical Blindness, Ep. Pyramidiocy, Eps. 146-151 June-July 2024 Host Nathaniel Lloyd delves into the great pyramids and the various myths and misconceptions surrounding them, some of which, despite vast amounts of historical evidence to the contrary, endure to this very day. Further related segments on this topic may be found on the show's Patreon, including a highly interesting July 2024 minisode regarding "Books of the Dead," which examines claims about H.P. Lovecraft's "Necronomicon" and its' supposed relation to the Egyptian Book of the Dead and the Emerald Tablet of Hermes Trismegistus.

History Uncovered, Ep. 117 - The Real History Behind the Mythic City of Atlantis June 12, 2024 First mentioned by Plato in Timaeus and Critias, the lost city of Atlantis later became a widely debated topic among historians. But is Atlantis real? (Spoiler: No. No it is not.)

Hucksters, Secret Societies, and Antisemitism

Historical Blindness, Ep. 14 - Bloody Libel December 12, 2017 An exploration of one of the most destructive myths in history - the blood libel, or the false accusation that Jews of the Middle Ages and beyond ritually murdered Christian children, a lie that host Nathaniel Lloyd traces back to its’ roots in medieval England and the murder of one Young William of Norwich.

Historical Blindness, Eps. 56-57 - The Illuminati Illuminated September 15-29, 2020 A contemplation of the modern conservative conspiracy theory of a “deep state” leads host Nathaniel Lloyd back to the dawn of the modern conspiracy theory, the Enlightenment, when the ultimate conservative conspiracy theory was born as an explanation for the French Revolution: The Illuminati!

Historical Blindness, Eps. 38-40 - Nazi Occultism, Parts 1-3 July 2-30, 2019 An exploration of the dark roots of Nazi occult philosophies, from a neo-paganism preoccupied with the Nordic Pantheon, to a folksy back-to-the-land movement that evolved into a nationalist sentiment, to an ideology of racial supremacy all tied up with contemporary myths and pseudoscience. (The host is careful to note with clarity and vehemence at the start of each episode that this series IN NO WAY approves of, promotes, or supports this ideology and Nazism is roundly condemned at every turn. It’s not an easy listen, but understanding how and why this bigotry continues to be a problem in pagan spaces and how to recognize it is very important.) TL;DR - Fuck Nazis. No tolerance for genocidal fuckwads.

DIG: A History Podcast - Werewolves, Vampires, and the Aryans of Ancient Atlantis: The Occultic Roots of the Nazi Party Oct 17, 2021 Modern movie plotlines which portray Nazi obsessions with occultism might be exaggerated for dramatic effect, but they aren't made up out of wholecloth. The NSDAP, or the National Socialist Worker's Party, was a party ideologically enabled by occultist theories about the Aryan race and vampiric Jews, on old folk tales about secret vigilante courts and nationalist werewolves, and on pseudoscientific ideas about ice moons. In this episode, the hosts explore the occult ideas, racial mythology, and 'supernatural imaginary' that helped to create the Nazi Party.

Our Fake History, Eps. 66-68: Who Was the Mother of the Occult? May-June 2018 An exploration of the life and works of Helena Petrovna Blavatsky, self-described sage, medium, guru, author, and one of the founders of Theosophy.

The Satanic Panic

American Hysteria - Satanic Panic, pt 1 & 2 Dec. 10 2018 - Jan. 07, 2019 This two-part episode covers perhaps the most mystifying moral panic in US history, the 1980s and early 90s ‘Satanic Panic.’ For this episode, Chelsey covers the rise of organized Satanism beginning in the late 60s, as well as the adversarial countercultures of the hippies and the metalheads, and their apparent Satanic crimes that would be hailed as proof of their evil, as well as proof that teens, as well as children, were in serious moral peril. Satan was allegedly hypnotizing the youth with secret messages in backwards rock songs, teaching them occult magic in Saturday morning cartoons, and causing suicides through a popular role-playing games, all while helping religion blur into politics for good.

For part two, Chelsey will cover what came next, a serious investigation into an imagined network of Satanic cults ritually abusing children in daycare centers all over the country. Chelsey will try to understand this shocking decade in history, why it really happened, and the cultural issues it was really about.

BS-Free Witchcraft, Ep 10 - The Satanic Panic April 27, 2019 The Satanic Panic of the 70s, 80s, and 90s shaped the Modern Witchcraft Movement in a lot of unexpected ways. Its effects still ripple through a lot of our sources, so in this installment of the podcast we’re digging into this extremely weird part of American history. It’s a bit of a doozy, after all.

BS-Free Witchcraft - Ep. 32: A New Satanic Panic? February 27, 2021 A couple of years ago, we did an episode on the history of the Satanic Panic of the latter half of the twentieth century, but recent events have led us to ask - could it be happening again? It’s very possible that we are at the start of a new wave of satanic panic, and QAnon is just the latest symptom of a larger problem.

Occultae Veritatis, Case #014: Satanic Panic of Martensville Jan. 28, 2018 Today the hosts cover one of the various Satanic ritual abuse scandals that happened close to them. Is it full of hot air and false allegations? Yes. Yes it is. 

Occultae Veritatis, Case #097A & B: Dungeons, Dragons, and the Satanic Panic Dec. 07, 2019 - Dec. 15, 2019 Dungeons & Dragons, introduced in 1974, attracted millions of players, along with accusations by some religious figures that the game fostered demon worship and a belief in witchcraft and magic.

[Last Updated: July 09, 2024]

[pillarsalt]

I just watched a man come out as trans in an online place I'm in and I can't do it. He used to mansplain everything and always defend men's actions and now he's doing this 180 and I can't even comment on it. I'm tired to constantly hear that trans women know how to define feminism and womanhood best I don't want them speaking for me. I'm tired of whatever this whole thing is. I keep seeing trans friends celebrate having no hair like it's women's default state. They always say that we never comment on cis women upholding misogynistic beauty standards so why judge them. But when women shave or get plastic surgery at the very least THAT is seen as a bad thing unlike their actions. I can't stand hearing the ones who started estrogen talk about their "periods". I wish we would just see trans women as trans women and leave women's language alone. They definitely do experience misogyny but they always act like they get the worst of it. Some told me they're seen as a porn category but they fail to see how my whole being IS the porn. Every porn action is on default done to women. It's just so so so tiring I don't know what to do anymore.

I totally understand, anon. Male entitlement combined with the societal go-ahead to speak over any woman they want on the subject of womanhood has created this misogynistic toxic sludge of a subculture, and it's so hard to escape. As usual, misogynistic stereotypes are fuel for the fire of trans identification.

And the porn category thing astounds me, like oh you want to talk about being reduced to porn categories? Every. single. minute little aspect of a woman has been turned into a porn category, be it physical or cultural or behavioural or fucking psychological. Thinness, fatness, hairiness, hairlessness, whiteness brownness blackness, youngness, oldness, any profession you can imagine, any sexuality, any level of mental or physical ability, there is not a single kind of woman whose existence can escape being fetishized and pornified. I have to fucking laugh at the audacity it takes to act like we as women don't understand being sexualized and commodified.

I'm sorry you've had to put up with this. The main reason I moved on from my college friend group is that, besides 100% of them "coming out" as some form of nonbinary, one of the men decided he was now a Real Woman with a ridiculously cutesy girl's name and I just couldn't fathom playing along for the sake of my relationships with them. I know it's difficult but removing yourself from that space might be better for your mental health. Going along with things you know are wrong is really stressful, and taking care of yourself should be priority #1. Be well 💜

[piromantic]

gender rambling

this isn't about how i feel on the inside or trying to sort out any of that stuff. the older i get the less i care about applying the gender dichotomy to my own feelings or trying to describe myself within this framework that doesn't really mean anything, like i'm myself and i'm good with that

however. we live in a society.

ngl for this being the 'burnt out gifted kid transgender' website i've never actually seen any discussions about gender within competitive academic settings. i've seen some mentions of how toxic masculinity presents differently in nerd spaces, but still permeates it just as much as any other space. but it took like, so fucking long to even recognize it in my own life, let alone unravel how it affected me.

i sometimes play video games with a group of guys from my major and for the last year and a half i was The Team Carry because i had a few hundred extra hours of practice on them. they're all nearly caught up to my level now, and even though they're all the pretty typical 'woo feminism' cis men and have never said anything towards me that was weird or discriminatory, i've started to feel afraid that i'm going to be mentally demoted in their minds as soon as i lose the status of 'carry'. which is irrational, but as i started dissecting where this fear came from it started unraveling like years of my life

it sounds absolutely ridiculous when typed out, but when i'm in my own head i keep going in circles of 'am i, personally, going to lead to the downfall of feminism by not being a woman'.

because i am studying in a field where there aren't many women in general, let alone visibly queer people. things have gotten better for sure but i have literally been in a class where i was the only person who wasn't a cis man in the whole room. so i'm viewed as someone setting an example and paving the way just by existing, which feels like i'm just pulling off a giant deception on people who see me as a sign of community, which feels awful.

but also, i think i became aware of this on a subconscious level YEARS before i realized it outright. like i think about this reaction i have to video games and it takes me all the way back to fourth grade, when i realized that girls were never going to accept me, but if i was mean and smart and loud about it, boys might. so i got really into the Act Of Appearing Smart, which manifested as just being... ridiculously competitive. oh i know more digits of pi than you. oh i can recite more of the periodic table faster than you. oh i can do integrals in my head faster than you. etc etc ad infinitum

when i think back, so much of my life was spent trying to like, win scraps of gender euphoria through 'proving' myself in the academic system. and like. ???? playing the misogyny game is still misogyny. i look back and wonder whether i had a missed opportunity to make these spaces better if i had just pushed back on them a bit more, and whether i was just perpetuating them by being like 'hey guys, no need to stop the toxic masculinity! i'm a girl, and i can succeed in here, so girls who don't succeed just aren't trying hard enough!'

or, put slightly differently: was i just perpetuating the idea that the only way to succeed in these systems was to be masculine.

over time i found that the way boys (and men, now) signify that i've succeeded is to allow me to be in their spaces. guys will tell me about the girls they find hot, forgetting that it's not socially acceptable for me to agree. guys will drop the use of female pronouns when i'm in the group, slotting me under 'boys' or 'king' like the rest of their friends instead of making exceptions. and it's like. if i was a woman i wouldn't let this happen, and i know they would respect that.

BUT I'M NOT A WOMAN. and these things are affirming, but i feel terrible for finding affirmation in them, because they weren't meant that way.

(and i can hear my mother's voice in my head like 'you're not trans, you just want male privilege', and no, i really don't think that's it. i had a friend that used to say misogynistic shit to be edgy when we were in like, elementary-middle school, and i always shut that down immediately. but it never felt like i was defending myself as part of that group. i've just always felt a bit of distance there)

i guess the issue i've been trying to articulate is that things are fine on the surface, but the context for them isn't. if people were treating me the exact same way because i came out to them, i wouldn't feel bad. but i'm a coward and i hate coming out because it usually goes badly for me, and i'd also feel bad about coming out in my area of study specifically because i'm already in the minority right now. (and i don't think it would go over very well, despite diversity trainings and whatever getting more popular.) like i don't want to be the SINGLE they/them in my entire department. that's too much stress for me.

and i have this fear that it would just come across as becoming a stereotype, or being misogynistic. like ohhhh you think you're a man because women can't do math or something. <- insane thing to worry about

idk i need to stop stalling and finish my conference presentation already. if you read this far idk why you would but thanks for making it through all that

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s3 ep7: Sacred Ground

This episode is one of the most woo-woo mystical storylines Voyager ever did, but it's not a genre that really works for Star Trek, at least not outside of Deep Space Nine. Plus, it's truly bizarre anti-science stance is honestly baffling for a science fiction show.

I didn't mind this one as a kid, but as an adult, it really doesn't hold up, on any level. First of all, using Kes as a damsel in distress is not my favorite thing. At least it was Captain Janeway who had to rescue her and not a male character, but still, if they needed a character Janeway would feel protective and motherly toward to go rescue, it could as easily have been Harry Kim. But a storyline where no one had to be the sleeping beauty damsel would have been better.

But the biggest problem I had with this episode was that this script felt like it was preaching to us to cast aside our foolish godless atheist belief in science and embrace blind belief in a mystical higher power that knows what's good for us. Which is gross in general, but doubly gross to say to Star Trek fans. For one thing, the assumption that you can't believe in science and believe in any kind of god is weird and totally wrong, and the assumption that seeking to understand something will ruin it's magic or whatever, is bizarrely backward, and literally the exact same reasoning that theocracies use to maintain their stranglehold on power.

This episode was obsessed with the idea that it's desperately important for everyone to have 'blind faith', but unquestioning loyalty to any religious doctrine is the anathema to the cooperative future that Star Trek imagines. Any idea that's set above question, beyond the reach of empirical evidence, is ripe for any charismatic, unscrupulous person to twist for their own gain and use to divide and conquer. Science, meanwhile, is not a belief system, and it's not comparable to a religion, in that science still exists, whether you believe in it or not. Science is simply observation of the world around us, and it's always struck me as odd when some religious people take offense to that. If you believe a god created the world, aren't you honoring your god by learning about their creation? Anyone who forbids or discourages learning is always trying to maintain power over others. Romanticising ignorance or blind faith, and ridiculing those who seek to learn and understand the truth is always ill-intentioned, ALWAYS. This episode natters on about how Janeway supposedly needs to find some faith, but when she expressed her absolute confidence in her ability to find a scientific explanation for everything, she was expressing faith, in her own way, but still, the supposed 'ancestral spirits' in this episode mock her, and disdain the faith she already has, just because it isn't faith in them, and their power. This story fell apart, right there.

These 'spirits' are obviously not benevolent if they'll only help people who worship them blindly, and the people on the planet absolutely were assholes to not let the Voyager crew just scan the energy field in the first place. If saving an innocent person's life would 'offend the spirits', then your spirits are assholes, dude! They don't deserve anybody's worship, considering they're happy to let someone almost die, and her whole crew worry about her, just to teach some passing strangers a lesson about how blind faith in them is the only way- and it wasn't! Science literally would have fixed it immediately! Once again, this script hurts itself in it's confusion!

I did think the part about the trials in the ritual being whatever the individual person invented for themselves was an interesting concept, since a lot of times, people do believe that they have to suffer to gain something they seek, and put themselves through needless torment. That was a much more interesting concept to explore, especially for Janeway, but it was steamrolled by the constant, condescending, holier-than-thou crap in the rest of the episode.

Having Janeway be sad she found out the scientific explanation at the end was the most ridiculous, out of character nonsense I can think of. Even if she'd have said she was glad to know, but didn't really need to this time, that would have been fine, but to have her literally be like 'boo, finding out how it works ruined the magic!!!' was the dumbest thing ever, and no scientist would think that, ever. Does the writer of this ep really have such lack of poetry in their soul that finding out the science behind a rainbow makes the rainbow less beautiful and miraculous to them? Because that's what I'm sensing from this godawful script.

There was some nice dramatic lighting, and the temple design was atmospheric, but that's about all I can say in this ep's favor.

Tl;dr: A truly bad faith take on the nature of both science and faith, that manages to be offensive toward both concepts. It wanted very hard to be deep, but it felt more like an evangelical sermon than a Star Trek episode.

[marta-bee]

I keep hearing Gov. Walz's slogan, "Mind your own damned business," in the news. I believe in it - quite a lot! - but I don't see a lot of people recognizing just what it demands. And that worries me, because we've been here before.

Back before gay marriage was legalized, one of the main arguments for doing that was it didn't actually affect straight peoples' marriages at all. Gay people being able to marry didn't mean a single straight couple would have to divorce, it didn't give them any less rights in any way, it just meant gay people had access to the same civil and legal apparatus to build their lives together and have it legally recognized. And a lot of people who didn't approve of homosexuality were still to support gay marriage, because they weren't being asked to support it. It wasn't about that, it was about being fair and not getting all up in someone else's business.

It got more personal after, because unless you're going to have a really narrow definition of what that marriage means, of course it's going to affect all kinds of people. Obergefell didn't go nearly far enough in this area, because gay people were still subject to all kinds of discrimination; as the pundits often quipped, in most of America you could get married on Sunday and fired for it come Monday morning. But even with just the gay marriage description, you have all kinds of businesses saying they didn't want to say they approved of marriage by baking a cake, setting up a wedding website, doing the photos, whatever. Because at that point (they felt) gay marriage did affect them.

I personally think we're all most free when we keep business separate from identity and beliefs. Gay people, racial minorities, women and other non-male genders, trans people, all kinds of groups along those lines should be hired (or not) because they can do the job well. We should buy their product or service because they can do it well (or not). They should be accepted as customers along the same lines. But what about someone who votes for Trump? Who donates to him? Who yells at a local school board meeting about librarians sharing filth with their kids? Who puts a "We support Israel" sign in their shop window or get caught on the news yelling racist screeds while yelling a MAGA hat at a counter-protester?

I don't have an easy answer to all that. I recognize there's a difference between identity and beliefs, though these days in America being in the Trump camp really does feel more like a tribe than an ideology. And emotionally, I sympathize with wanting to call people out for a lot of those behaviors. But rationally, if we're trying to focus on "Mind your own damned business," to focus on being neighbors and helping each other as neighbors rather than on the things they do and believe we disagree with, that does swing both ways.

I actually think this is the defining political question of our age: how much space do we need to make for people to do, say and believe things we find hateful in the public space, and when does that cross over into endorsing those things? To take one example: say someone objected to what HBCU's taught as "critical race theory" (not the actual thing but how right-wingers used the word), they though it was revisionist and anti-white. I'm honestly surprised this hasn't happened yet, given what's argued at the K-12 level. And say this person says, okay, if people want to go there and study that it's none of my business; but if they're using Pell grants and federally-subsidized student loans and the like, they certainly don't want to pay for that with their taxes. Their starting point is ridiculous (but dangerous) nonsense, but that's not the point I'm really interested in. Does minding their own business mean they can't object to their tax dollars paying for it? What if we're not talking about a HBCU but Bob Jones, Hillsdale, or Liberty University, schools with famously fundamentalist curriculum? Does it matter if it's not some universal program but an earned tuition benefit, like the GI Bill?

Or at a more local level: if your neighbor is always posting about how Hamas is a terrorist organization and we need to support Israel on Twitter, is that reason enough not to do your laundry at her laundromat?

I really don't think there's a straightforward, easy answer on all this. All kinds of factors play into specific situations. But I do think "Mind your own damned business," especially when we get into the nitty-gritty of lived reality, is a lot more challenging to us on the left than it seems at first glance. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's bound to involve growing pains, though, and probably a lifetime of struggling for that right balance. Good luck to us all (left and right) with that one....

[lesbianp1lled]

as a fellow gold star who's never been lucky enough to experience reciprocated love and has been led on by many bi women, I probably do read more male gay fiction than lesbian fiction tbh. because I obviously don't get anything out of straight romance, osa makes me nauseous or feel nothing at best, however every time I even watch a video of a lesbian couple or read lesbian fiction I get so deeply envious and sad, not in a toxic hateful way ofc, just flat out crying out of loneliness like an idiot.. so m/m fiction is the only emotional relief for me to relate to homosexual love while also being completely detached from any personal feelings since I'm not male nor into males.

I have no trauma with men, have thankfully never even had to pretend to have any romantic feelings towards any in my 25+ years and have never had any self-insert thoughts about any of the gay fiction I've read other than the occasional 'I wish I had a lesbian version of that relationship'.

I want to make it clear that it's not about internalized misogyny, just plain lesbian solitude and the feeling that no woman is really attracted to women (I know it's ridiculous but that's my trauma) and specifically to me. which is all the more upsetting since as I guess a conventionally attractive feminine woman I have to beat straight men off with a stick.

although I do realize now that this sort of escapism and detaching yourself from your own sexuality to get secondary emotional fulfillment from fictional relationships completely unrelated to you isn't healthy in the long run. it's just very hard to find a gf in my homophobic country so I've used fiction as a crutch to not deal with my own personal life.

I do think most so-called 'fujos' who actually fetishize gay men are bihets though who think thirsting after fem gay men makes them qweer, when that's literally ultimate het behaviour. just saw one call herself a lesbian while openly lusting after a gay man, saying she wishes she wasn't a lesbian and that he wasn't a 'man kisser' so they could be together because 'she needs him bad'. girl, you never were a lesbian, probably not even bi, also actually consider ki!!ing yourself, these homophobic fakebians have 0 shame nor logic denying the existence of homosexuals of either sex.

no lesbian would ever conjure up such a homophobic double 'conversion' fantasy, I'm enraged to the point of wanting to hurl. the gen z larpers are so unhinged now that they genuinely don't even respect homosexuality existing, all they do is fetishize opposite-sex homosexuality while spouting actual 'corrective' r*pe level hetero fantasies which I've noticed a lot of bihets from either sex have. a lot of this obsessing over 'p3gging' and feminizing men is born out of their fetishization of gay men, doubt any of them would even enjoy any of that, they just want to 'queerify' their zesty straight sexuality to look subversive, they even pretend it's 'feminist' somehow.

and ofc they either support the homophobic tiffies who larp as gay men of eventually become them, straight up admitting to wanting to r*pe gay men under the pretense of totes being men as well while wanting to have het aka piv sex with males.. it's sinister how every gay fandom is overrun with transhets or normie hets, don't even get me started on the yuri hentai fetishizing het male 'transbians' invading 'lesbian spaces' made up mostly of bi women anyway.. it's just way too personally offensive and painful to even witness.

what should be the only safe haven and a joyous source of entertainment makes me spiral with rage against the hetero machine instead. so often I see sb seemingly decent, exclusively posting about gay topics only to eventually reveal they are a bihet thirsting after opposite-sex homosexuals and my heart drops again. where are the real lesbians?

so while I know from personal experience that people can enjoy fiction that doesn't relate to their sexuality, it is rare and usually related to some sort of trauma. I know het women who never consume het romance because it's so unrealistic/ insulting to their experiences and only read f/f fiction. whereas for me I do now admit it stems from loneliness and trust issues with women, fearing all women will turn out to be hetero and leave me to the dust again. my ex told me I was the perfect woman for her and that she'd never date a male again only to ghost me randomly and get married to a male who looks like he could be her uncle within a year or two lol.

I was just happy to see a lovely post from a woman about her wife only for her entire feed to be about obsessively thirsting after a ton of famous men. imagine just getting married to a woman as a same-sex attracted woman only to write insane s3xually harassing comments like a het coomer towards a grown strange man (who at least presents stereotypically gay btw, common denominator), saying bs like he's 'her pwecious pwetty boy' whose abs give her an aneurysm.. and it's just some skinny twink, no offense. I've never even met het women this male-crazed. bet her wife's the same if she tolerates that. they genuinely think calling a vaguely 'pretty' man their 'girlfriend' justifies their hetero attraction towards males as a supposed 'lesbian'. they truly are our worst most insidiously evil enemy, they're the ones who embolden trans-identified het males to believe they can be included in lesbianism. I'd rather stay single and loveless forever than humiliate myself by dating a bihet like that..

I would never trust sb is actually a lesbian if they have a dedicated account for posting about men, fictional or not, obsessing over a particular man/ men. nah, I'm a fan of some male singers etc but having an account for posting about everything they do is simply not lesbian behaviour even if they pretend it's platonic admiration. no lesbian is that obsessed with a man/ men.

that’s the main sign to look out for, it's one thing to root for a gay couple and completely different to have any ideation about inserting yourself into that relationship or fantacize about the men in question. which is so disgustingly homophobic as well, idk even if the characters are bi, having het thoughts about people in a same-sex relationship is gross peak bihet behaviour. I'm also generally heterophobic to be fair, spare me of any mention of osa.

so it does bother me that anyone female who consumes any male gay fiction/ media is automatically associated with these homophobic osa lunatics, however as mentioned, it is unfortunately often justified. there is ofc gay fan fiction in particular written by hetero-attracted women which fetishizes gay men but a lot of it is just general escapist romance from a female perspective, reading more like a lesbian relationship which is why it's relatable to lesbians as well while retaining that sense of detachment. I truly just need one good woman to fix me lol and bring me out of this self-destructive denial of myself as a romantic/ sexual person who deserves love.

I have hope for you anon that you will find the woman of your dreams one day, even in a homophobic country it’s still possible 🙏

I get why you read m/m fiction. It’s just when these women are SO OBSESSED with m/m fiction and nothing but m/m fiction that I side eye them. Like I said before, I have read books with m/m characters in them, even though it’s not my first choice, i’d go for a sapphic book first, but I think there are good m/m stories too! I read Maurice which is one of the first classic gay books by e.m foster a few years ago and it’s really good even though mid-way through to the ending it’s quite sad.

[vaspider]

'only tenet of TERFism is transmisogyny' EXCUSE ME NO ITS ALL TRANS PEOPLE. They don't want any trans person to exist. What the hell.

Some people just gotta center their own suffering always, even when they're hurting other people by doing so. I've seen this a lot in younger queer folx of all stripes, this need to be the one that hurts the most, you know?

There's a reason the phrase Oppression Olympics exists, and it's because it's a common behavior or phenomenon in oppressed communities. I see it in the disability community, too.

What I think is important to understand when we talk about how trans people suffer under transphobia is that different groups are targeted differently. I'm not the first person to say this, of course.

Now, like, this is very rough sketchy stuff, and each person's individual experiences will vary, but in my general experience, the rough breakdown of the way in which transphobia lands on trans people kind of breaks down like this:

Binary trans women tend to suffer under a lens of hypervisibility. Everything they do is seen, analyzed, and torn apart. Their struggles are generally the ones centered in the arguments of allies, "allies," and transphobes. Even when trans women are the focus of helpful attention, that hypervisibility can cause exhaustion, because they need to perform perform perform, and be perfect, all the time. It's hard for trans women to just be without feeling like they're on camera, all the time. A lot of the time, they are on camera, because trans women's bodily autonomy and right to privacy are just never respected by transphobes (and often by supposed "allies" who feel free to ask the most invasive questions and get upset when trans women won't answer them), and even if they're not literally on camera, they're supposed to perform as the best examples of transfemininity, because if they don't, then they become the next 'look at this bad trans, all trans are this bad trans' example that TERFs point at and use as a broad brush to paint all trans women. If they're not perfect all the time and have a day where they snap at someone while someone is recording, or make a mistake, or anything, it has a horrible tendency to go viral. You can think of at least three instances right now off the top of your head, right? Right.

Binary trans men tend to suffer from hyperinvisibility. This comes from inside and outside the community -- a lot of trans men talk about being told they can't lead in community because they've 'got male privilege,' that their struggles are discarded, that they're talked over and unable to discuss the things they face, which means they don't get the support they need. Now, there are TERFs and transphobes who absolutely do focus their attention on trans men to the exclusion of or to the deprioritization of the oppression of trans women -- that's where we get Tavistock and Irreversible Damage and Fourth Wave Now and all the other bullshit which focuses on the idea that trans men are "transing the gay away," specifically "transing our butch lesbians" and "stealing butches." But again, generally speaking, trans men face harmful levels of invisibility where trans women face harmful levels of visibility. That's why transmascs in general have issues like lack of understanding even by supposedly trans-competent doctors as to how HRT affects our bodies, why trans men (and transmascs in general) report things like transphobes attacking them with transmisogynistic comments and assuming that every trans person online is a trans woman, etc.

Non-binary (here used as an umbrella term for all identities outside of binary man/woman, to include agender, genderfluid, non-binary, and infinite other identities) AFAB people tend to suffer from a different, very specific form of hypervisibility, unless they start to appear too masculine, and then they slip into hyperinvisibility. This is where we get things like "women and non-binary people" that codes all non-binary people as "AFAB people I can sort of squint and view as women," and people who fall into this category tend to get a lot of attention, a lot of derision from all sides of the spectrum. This is the "blue-haired tenderqueer" sneering that we get from both within and without the queer community, where there's an assumption that these people are just cosplaying an identity, that they're not really trans, etc. Having been in the visibility category and slipped into the invisibility category within the last, oh, year or so, and having two binary trans women in my family to compare notes with, the experiences are unnervingly similar. The difference between the experience that those women have had and the experience that I have had is that according to transphobes, I'm a traitor to my womanhood and performing femininity wrong and taking on a fake identity to escape female oppression because I'm not strong enough to bear up under it, but too cowardly to become a trans man, or... something, whereas they're taking on a fake identity to sneak into women's spaces because they're perverts.

Non-binary (umbrella identity etc) AMAB people tend to suffer from their own very specific form of hyperinvisibility, unless they start to present "too feminine", and then they slip into the hypervisibility which affects binary trans women, but with a little different fuckery in which everyone just assumes they're a trans woman, and therefore they get misgendered by everyone across the spectrum of queer/non-queer/etc. Non-binary AMAB people are generally treated like they don't exist, and when they are spoken about, are often discussed in the context of 'they should just admit they're trans women or gay men,' or if they present 'too feminine,' are subjected to the same sort of horrific attention that trans women get.

Again, a lot of this is very simplistic, and doesn't add in a lot of other complicating factors like race, disability, class, etc. Trans men of color, for example, can run into a different sort of hypervisibility because as they move further through their transition, they begin to be seen in the world as a man of color. It's not really mine to speak on beyond that, but I don't want to neglect saying 'this is really really simplistic and there's more to it than that' over and over.

I really hate breaking it down this simply because it feels like creating another binary (our society does like a binary!) for non-binary people, but like, I can't really talk about my shared experiences with other trans people without putting some framework around it. Someday, I'll be able to do that without categories. Wouldn't that be awesome?

I think we do our entire community a huge disservice when we talk about transphobia as if it's a single snake trying to take bites out of only one part of the community, and not a many-headed hydra, able to attack us from multiple different directions. I also think that focusing on one form of oppression keeps us from forming meaningful solidary and coalitions; the more divided we are, the easier it is for the people who literally want us all to stop existing to pick us off one by one. We see this all across the queer community and it's only ramping up as the attacks on our community escalate from without; people tend to turn on the ones closest to them when they get really scared, and to blame the person standing next to them for the pain they're suffering. It's the "close enough to hit" phenomenon, and it's why we see ridiculous things like "bi women make cis men think that lesbians can be won over," rather than acknowledging that bi women aren't the ones causing that: cis men are the ones causing that. The bi women in that case are close enough to hit. Transmascs are close enough to hit. Trans women are close enough to blame for the problems of transmascs, which makes it possible for TERFs to lure transmascs in and attempt to detransition them, subjecting them to gaslighting and manipulation and then using them as sock puppets.

TERFs do focus a lot on transmisogyny. They focus a lot on transmisandry, too. Debating which one is more prevalent and 'worse' not only misses the point, because transmascs and transfems face very different and totally rotten attention from cis society as a whole, including cis queers. We need to like, not do that anymore: we need to give each other the space to talk about our unique circumstances, but we also need to work harder on looking at each other through a lens of solidarity and trying to see that our struggles are different but not unrelated, and that if we keep downing on each other like this, we're not going to get anywhere except in a much more difficult situation as the people who don't want any of us to exist keep picking us off.

[lulu-zodiac]

THE BODY LANGUAGE OF COCKLES: JENSEN (pt 1)

(disclaimer: I’m no body language expert. the extent of my knowledge is: a class I took on it a few years back at uni, a brief course on it as part of my job training, and various bits of reading I’ve done over the years)

Okay, so I just HAD to make this post, because the body language between Jensen and Misha is so loud. It’s 100% what sold me on cockles in the first place. It’s literally TEXTBOOK. Whenever they’re around each other, they just tick all the boxes for the body language of attraction.

I’ve split this post into a few parts (two for Jensen and two for Misha), because a) although a lot of the body language of attraction is universal, the specific tendencies of it are also dependent on each individual’s nature, and b) THERE IS SO MUCH CONTENT FOR THESE TWO THERE LEGIT WASN’T ENOUGH ROOM TO DO IT IN ONE POST. That’s how much of a mess they are. 

So, here are some classic body language signs that suggest someone is attracted to you (and how Jensen displays them when he’s around Misha):

1.       They smile a lot around you – really smile. Not your standard, polite smile – this is open, uninhibited, fully engaged. Even though such a full smile can often show a lot of their mouth, it’s really in the eyes, often making the skin around them crinkle. There’s nothing forced about it. It’s full of ease, warmth and sincerity.

Okay, but this is just Jensen every time he’s around Misha? Even when he’s been struggling, as soon as Misha appears, Jensen is suddenly full of smiles exactly like this. Legitimately every time they interact Jensen lights up with these smiles that are so open and intimate and completely involuntary. Misha just consistently elicits this automatic response in Jensen, which is pretty damn telling from a body language perspective.

I could literally fill an entire post with examples of this, but here are a few particularly lovely ones:

2. They laugh a lot around you, and generally laugh harder at your jokes than other people do. This kind of laugher is completely free and unselfconscious. Often, they’ll use their whole body in it, e.g. throwing their head back. This in particular can suggest attraction, as the throat is a vulnerable area of the body, all about communication and intimacy. Baring it like this shows a fundamental trust in you, and a desire to open themselves up to you, share their deeper selves with you.

RIGHT. The infamous unicorn laugh?? Literally any interaction with Misha ever has Jensen doing this. It’s one of the defining characteristics of the way he relates with Misha. I mean, seriously. Watch three minutes into any of their panels and I guarantee you’ll already have more examples than you can count.

(unicorn laugh appreciation series) 

3. When they’re around you, they’ll lean in towards you and give you their undivided attention, e.g. holding eye contact. Leaning in and turning their body towards you shows a fundamental interest in you, as well as a desire to be closer to you. They’ll listen with intent focus whenever you’re speaking, often losing track of what’s going on around them and paying more attention to you than others.

Isn’t this is just Jensen in literally every panel he’s ever done with Misha? He just gets lost in whatever Misha’s talking about, whatever story he’s telling. Jensen spends so much time looking at Misha with this rapt attention and focus, leaning into his space with this kind of quiet, deep warmth in his eyes.  

This entire panel was a particular mess:

But there are so honestly many photos of Jensen looking at Misha like this that it kind of kills me a little??

4. They look at your mouth. It’s especially telling if they meet your gaze, glance down to your mouth, and then back up to hold your gaze again. This is one of the clearest signs of attraction, suggesting they’re thinking (often subconsciously) about kissing you. They might also lick their lips while looking at you; when looking at someone we desire, our mouth produces more saliva, causing us to lick our lips. Lip-licking is also a way of drawing your attention to their mouth. 

God, there are just so many examples of this it’s ridiculous?? I mean, it happens so involuntarily that it became a big part of the way Dean and Cas relate with each other on screen. It literally contributed to the creation of destiel. That’s how much Jensen does this around Misha.  

I could make an entire post on this (maybe I will), but for now, have these:

5. Their body language mirrors yours. This is something we all do with people we like and are emotionally tuned into, and is another classic indicator of attraction. It’s basically a non-verbal way of communicating how much you’re invested in someone. 

Again, this is something we see SO MUCH OF when Jensen’s around Misha. Jesus Christ. I could go on about it forever, but honestly this post says it all. Or you know, literally any panel they’ve done together. 

 6.   They initiate unnecessary touches, especially after jokes or humor. We instinctively want to include the people important to us in our emotional responses. Sometimes they might reach into your space, other times it might be a touch on the arm, a lingering handshake or hug, basically any excuse to be physically close to you. It’s not psychologically easy to put yourself into someone’s space – it shows the level of trust they have in you, and that their desire to be near you outweighs their fear of rejection. 

Oh god where to start with this one. The handshake? The hugs? The lingering touches? The ass slaps? The entire thigh debacle? The complete mess that is this moment? All the completely unnecessary touches that happen at literally every panel? Jensen is seemingly incapable of being within two feet of Misha without putting his hands all over him at every given opportunity.

(See also this excellent post about Jensen and male intimacy)

Stay tuned for Part 2 coming very soon!

[anika-ann]

In the Strangest Place (We Just Might Find Love) - Pt.1

Type: two-shot, pretty much canon

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader     Word count: 3700

Summary: You’re hiding from your boss in a supply closet, minding your own business, when a stranger joins you unexpectedly. 

This is not a beginning of a steamy story; given the reason you’re hanging out in the dark, even a make-out session is honestly the last thing you want to fantasize about right now.

But that doesn’t mean that the nice stranger cannot make your day much better. 

Warnings: mention of sexual harassment, a bit of angst, attempt at humour, language

You were on the verge of screaming – or crying, you honestly weren't sure anymore. But you knew you were done. You had worked your fingers to a bone just to get here; to become a little bee in the most famous hive in Manhattan. Stark Industries. The Stark/Avengers Tower. The beacon of the New York skyline. The dream coming true.

Yeah, not so much.

You hadn't expected super-important assignments – after all, you were just an assistant to the head of one of too many departments – but God, you had not expected to be handling coffee so often. To be running ridiculous errands. Your degree from MIT should actually mean something here! If nothing else than that you were not just some pretty face and that you fucking didn’t deserve the treatment you were receiving.

And that was the root of trouble, really. You could handle making your way up, it would be tiring but not surprising, it was pretty much what you had assigned for.

But you had not assigned for the sexist comments, disgusting innuendo and for the grabby hands of your sleazy boss. Thomas Gregory was a fucking nightmare of a man and you swore that you were quitting if he called you a ‘Dollface’ or slapped your ass one more time.

And that was how you had got here, into this very moment; hiding in a dark supply closet like a creep with two cups of overpriced coffee in a cup holder and a piece of organic carob-nut muffin.

You weren't about to come out any time soon, because you simply knew your boss still would be a pig and give you yet another reason to hand in your notice and you had fucking wanted this job for so long, worked for it so hard and sacrificed too much that you just couldn't make yourself to quit no matter how much your skin cringed and your stomach rolled over every time Thomas Gregory touched you. It was so frustrating you wanted to scream.

Or cry, you still couldn't solve the dilemma. Maybe both.

You barely registered the hurried footsteps – and then the door was yanked open, you glimpsed a tall blond male figure and suddenly there was dark again. Except there was one more body in the very limited room of the closet, making you press your back onto the shelf.

Something rattled with your movement and the newcomer hissed a barely audible ‘Be quiet’ as two columns of muscles that were probably his arms framed your head leaning onto the very same shelf, so you could both fit in here.

The little order leaving his lips broke the last seal inside you. You were tired, frustrated and were receiving enough humiliation as it was, you did not need some random guy invading your hideout, barking orders.

“Look, mister, if you have any problem with me trying to make a little space for you in this tiny-ass closet, I recommend you to-”  

“Shh!” he hushed you and you thought you had never heard someone whisper so urgently; at least it sounded less bossy than before. It did not mollify you though, because this guy actually had enough impudence to-

“Don't you dare to shush me-!”

A hand went to cover your mouth and you let out an exasperated mumble of curses, while his voice continued.

“Please, just— I'm sorry, please, don't make a sound, my friend is trying to set me up and-”

Your eyes went wide and he suddenly fell silent. Before you could question his methods of shutting you up, his exclaim or the pause, and ask him to be so kind to find another closet, another male voice sounded somewhere behind the door.

“Come on, Steeeve. Man, don't be such a prude. Lillian is a great chic, okay?”

The man – the friend, you assumed – seemed annoyed and you couldn't believe that Steve had not been kidding you. He was actually hiding for the very reason he had offered you. You nodded as you heard the stranger behind the door move and the hand covering your mouth hesitantly disappeared.

“It's just a lip piercing, don't be such a tight-ass. It can actually be quite fun, you wouldn't believe what a girl can do with such thing…”

“Gross,” you commented soundlessly and you could feel your companion’s eyes burning a hole into your head in silent agreement.

“Goddammit, Steve!”

The voice and the footsteps slowly disappeared in the distance and you… you were face to face with a stranger named Steve in a limited space of a dark supply closet, his breath tickling your scalp, his cologne very much assaulting your nose; at least it was a pleasant assault.

“I'm sorry for being so rude. And thank you,” his voice caressed your hairline gently and hearing his suddenly polite tone and evaluating this whole situation, you could barely hold back a giggle all of sudden.

“You're welcome, Steve. How long has this been going on?”

“Two days-” That didn't sound too bad, he could probably take a lot more- “-at this level. With Lillian. It was Emily before that and Angelina before that. In smaller scale, it's been happening for about four months,” he recited dutifully as if he was reporting a status to his boss and this time you couldn’t help it – you giggled.

When you could feel the wounded gaze he gave you, you obediently made a sympathetic noise.

“Aww, poor you, your friend supplying you with no doubt great relationship material…”

“That’s what he said! But I don't want a relationship material. I don't want any material, not even his… one-night stand material. What does that mean anyway? These are women he's talking about, not a material-”

You let out a tiny pleased sound at his exasperation, which shut him up. You wondered if it was your turn to speak – it was hard to tell, supply-closet conversations weren't exactly your area of expertise.

“Kudos for that thinking,” you noted after short silence and the darker shadow of his figure tilted his head. “Did you try to tell him that you weren't interested…? Of course you did, why am I asking, that was a stupid question…”

“It's okay. I'm sorry, I got a little… carried away. It just… it's like talking to a brick wall.”

You hummed in sympathy again and the room fell into silence once more.

It was ridiculous how much your mind started working over hundred percent, trying to come up with something appropriate to say. The best you could do was:

“Hey, you want a cup of overpriced organic coffee? I happen to have two.”

The needy noise that let his lips was downright pornographic. Or maybe it was your mind playing tricks on you, the strange environment finally getting to you.

“I knew I smelled coffee here! I thought I went completely insane.”

You couldn't help but smile at that. Yeah, you knew the feeling all too well.

“Nope, your senses were not playing tricks on you. Help yourself. It should be around your left hand.” A rustling of a paper bag. “Oh. That's a carob-nut muffin – with carob instead of cocoa. You can have that too, I won't need that.”

“Alright, I gotta ask. Why are you hiding in a supply closet, with a muffin and two cups of expensive coffee nonetheless? And may I hand you one?”

“Such a gentleman. Thanks,” you murmured and accepted the cup. You weren't lying about not needing it – you wouldn't. Because you were about to quit; it was inevitable.

You sipped the warm liquid, its taste as bitter as the reason behind your actions.

“So?”

“I'm hiding from my boss.”

Your voice must have sounded terrible, because his own softened at the confession.

“And why is that?”

“Because if I bring him his coffee and muffin, he'll probably call me his good girl and— and slap my butt and-”

“I beg your pardon?” he growled, like honest to God growled, the strange sound warming your scalp.

And it was the righteous outrage in the sound he let out, the reaction that you needed, someone agreeing with you – a stranger, who wouldn’t feel obliged to do so just it was a duty of being a good friend to you – that made the levee break. Suddenly tears were streaming down your face, anger and humiliation, and your breath was hitching in embarrassing hiccups and the dark space felt so anonymous and safe at the same time that you didn't even care anymore.

“And if he does that I’ll have to– to quit, because I-I'm so fucking fed up with his dis-disgusting hands and si-sickening voice voicing his lizard thoughts a-and I ca-can't quit goddammit, I worked so fucking hard to-to get a job h-here and-”

You didn't realise your hands started trembling until the cup disappeared from them, placed back on the shelf, and a pair of much bigger and warmer hands gently enveloped yours, his body shifting just a little closer as he lost the support that had been keeping some distance between you.

“Hey, hey, shh, it's gonna be okay…” his voice washed over you soothingly, sounding almost at your ear.

Still, there was space between your bodies, a respectable distance – as respectable as possible in the limited space. It was as if he acknowledged it could make you uncomfortable – which probably wasn't exactly hard to figure out, given what you just told him.

“I'm sorry,” you sobbed and cleared your throat afterwards in attempt to compose yourself. “I didn't mean to load that on you, my problems are none of your concern-”

“Like hell they aren't. Sexual harassment on a workplace is everyone's concern, or it should be,” he grunted. His hands tightened their grip, not uncomfortably – reassuring. “This okay?”

You smiled through your tears. This Steve guy was really sweet to you. You almost forgot what it was like to be treated with respect.

“Y-yeah. Thank you for-- for asking. That was really nice.”

He huffed. “It should be a normal human decency. And I did grab you before that, sorry.”

“Something tells me you would let go if I said no more vehemently.”

“Of course I would.”

You gave him a watery smile he couldn't see and tried to calm your breathing completely. His thumb caressing your wrist helped. You wondered which department he was from; if his skills in comforting came with a job description or if he was a natural.

“Have you… have you tried to fill in a report?” he asked hesitantly, making your heart stop.

Oh yeah, you had. It had ended up in a shredder machine, because Thomas had spotted it. He had made you do it yourself, standing over you and watching, claiming the complaint had been baseless and it would pointless to hand it anyway, because he would explain the HR how it truly was. That you had made a move and he, the good father and husband he had been, politely turned you down, which turned you vengeful.

You whispered the story to Steve, your voice trembling, more tears escaping and you could immediately tell he believed you – because his grip grew steely strong, his teeth grinding.

“This is wrong. You should have never been forced to work for a man like him– objectifying you, touching you, threatening you, that's just--- you should talk to Tony,” he blurted out in the end and you frowned.

“Who's Tony?”

You had checked the whole HR department via their website when doing your research. You couldn't recall any Tony.

There was a short pause, broken by Steve's confused voice. “Stark.”

You blinked, wondering if Steve was joking. He didn't sound like he was joking, which was strange, because so far, he had seemed to be a smart and reasonable man.

“There's no way I'm scoring a meeting with Mr. Stark. And it's not like he’s dealing with things like that.”

“...Talk to Pepper then. I doubt she has bigger than zero tolerance for harassment,” he exclaimed confidently as if talking to Pepper Potts (this time you assumed whom he was talking about – did he call all of the big bosses their first name…?) was an option for a regular human being like you. Realizing that all over again though, that was tough.

“While I believe that’s her policy, it's not like I can just walk into her office.”

Steve seemed to consider that, while his thumb was still drawing patterns on your skin, almost subconsciously.

“I think you could. But if you're worried it might take a while and you’re scared to go back to your office now, let me walk you. I can explain him that every employee deserves to be treated with respect,” he offered finally, deadly serious, yet still sounding kind.

Your heart swelled. A guy you just met (in a supply closet, a good story to be narrated at parties, you supposed), suggested to help you out, no hesitation. God, wasn't he just too pure for this world?

“I… thank you, Steve. But… while you do have an impressive frame, I think it would only get worse. I think I'll just enjoy this extremely hipster coffee, which I'll later have to pay for no doubt and… and go face my boss to hand him my resignation. There are plenty jobs, right? I can as well serve coffee in a café,” you said with a sad smile, letting your hands slip from his comfortable hold.

“That's not right. Especially if you worked hard to– not to mention it's a matter of principle. You run away once and… running is a very hard habit to break,” he whispered, as if a secret, trying to reason with you.

You bit your lip when the truth of his words washed over you, along with the way he spoke; with such a strong believe in principles that should stand a standard. It… he made you forgot your own trouble for a second as you let yourself get lost in him. In the way he treated you, the protector's persona, yet not forced. He had suggested you to ‘let him come with you’, not even a note of command in his approach. This was not a man seeing an opportunity to be a hero when spotting the damsel in distress; this was a man who believed in what was right and wanted to fix things that were apparently broken. You wished there were more men like him, selfishly wanting one of them to be your boss.

“And men like these – they need to be put in line,” he added darkly, snapping you from your daydreaming of a better world. “Let me come with you. I'll—I’ll help you fill in the forms, walk you to HR. You don't have to deal with this alone.”

For all the comfort the dark had offered you so far, you wished for a little bit more light now, enough to see his face, his eyes. You knew they would be burning with honesty, you were sure of it, maybe a little rage aimed at a man who dared to treat another human being the way he did.

The offer was so tempting. But just imagining the security escorting Steve from the building for wanting to help you was enough to put out the fiery need to accept. It was ridiculous to care so much about his well-being after what could be minutes of knowing him, but no one could call you out on it. And if they did, you could always play it cool with ‘matter of principles’; good people only deserved good things.

You carefully reached out, hoping to find his hand again. Your heart skipped a beat when you brushed his thigh instead, but at least his hand was right next to it. He released a surprised breath when you took it into yours, way smaller one. You bit your lip when leaning in a little, blindly trying to meet his gaze.

“You’re a good man, Steve. I’m sorry your friend is giving you a hard time, you don't deserve that – even though I'm sure he means well. If you ever want to get him off your back...” you wavered at the ridiculous idea, but hey, why the hell not, he had offered to help you out first, “you can say you're seeing someone. Give him my card. I'll confirm we're together – he seems like a kind of a guy who would check.”

Shocked breathless laugh erupted from his chest and you assumed you hit the nail on the head. You fished out one of your business cards, handing it to him and releasing his hand then.

It was time to leave and face your fate, but Steve didn't make any attempt at moving out of the closet.

In fact, he seemed to examine the card for a while and then he quietly read out your name. You gasped in surprise. How the hell could he see anything? You could barely make out his silhouette!

“How-”

“I'm used to working in dark spaces,” he muttered absently. “Would you really do that?”

Slightly taken aback he was considering your offer, you nodded, only to realize he couldn't see it--- actually, he probably could.

“I would. Hell, I think I could handle one uncomfortable dinner with your friend vetting me,” you added, slightly amused at the idea. When you could hear his shocked exhale and wanted to take it back. “I didn't mean to-”

“Let me come with you to your office,” he repeated like a broken record and you frowned at the sudden change of topic.

“What-”

“It could throw your boss off your back for long enough for you to deal with the complaint. If you would be comfortable enough to play my girlfriend for a dinner time, why not now?”

Your eyes went wide and you almost choked on air.

“I-what? I told you it would probably only make it worse-”

“It will work.”

“How can you be so-”

The door yanked open and your eyes were hit by an unpleasantly sharp light, making you squint.

“Holy-” a ridiculously familiar voice you couldn’t place breathed out. “Wilson! I found him! You’ve gotta see this!”

You wanted to see the owner of the voice, but your view was completely blocked by the broad chest of your companion.

So you at least raised your head to meet Steve face to face so to speak. You couldn’t see much, your eyes still adjusting; with the light shining from behind him, playing a mysterious game with his blond locks, framing his impressive figure, he looked like a freaking angel, beautiful and righteous, bringing justice, yet wrapped in an aura of peace and serenity. You barely kept your jaw from falling on the floor.

You kept staring, focusing on his face, and slowly started realizing that his features too, were familiar. Mortification was creeping up your back as the puzzle pieces started falling into place, creating a horrifying picture, making you wish for the Earth to swallow you.

The voice from behind Steve’s back resolved the last doubts you had about your temporary mysterious roommate.

“Wouldn’t peg you as a get-freaky-in-a-closet kind of guy, Capsicle.”

You wanted to immediately protest that you had definitely not been getting freaky in the closet, but your brain was still frozen because of the big revelation – that you had just been comforted, hell, that you had just offered to be a fake date to Captain America.

You simply stared at him, unbeing able to hold your jaw from falling anymore. Because– because-- oh god.

Now it made perfect sense that he thought Thomas Gregory would be intimidated… by the idea of harassing Captain America’s girlfriend. You couldn’t really blame Steve for being sure it would work. Also, it kinda explained why he called Mr. Stark or Ms. Potts their first names – they were on the first name basis.

Which really was the least relevant thing right now.

A bashful smile appeared on Steve’s lips, a little guilty perhaps, and you just… giggled at the absurdity. You couldn’t help it. You had just spent minutes in a supply closet with Steve Rogers without having a single clue about it and while you didn’t do anything heated as someone would assume, it was one of the most amazing minutes of your life.

You must have looked like an idiot or something, because he chuckled too, completely ignoring another male voice growing in volume as the newcomer approached.

“Holy hell, man! I can’t believe what I’m seeing!”

At those words, Steve tentatively took your hand with an encouraging smile and led you out to the hall. You were met with two pairs of curious eyes examining you from head to toe. You lowered your gaze, now fully aware of the fact they belonged to Tony Stark – the Iron Man – and Samuel Wilson – the Falcon.

Well. Now the ‘party story’ finally got the right juice.

“Then don’t, Sam, because it’s not what it looks like,” Steve replied to his match-maker friend and took a deep breath, squeezing your hand tighter. “Tony, this woman would like to report harassment on her workplace.”

Your head snapped to Steve’s face with panicked gaze. What the hell was he doing?!

Tony Stark made a noise of disapproval.

“Couldn’t you try harder so she wouldn’t complain about you?”

“Tony,” Steve addressed him, his voice solemn just like his expression, which clearly surprised the billionaire. “I’m serious. It’s not about me. Her boss is the reason why she was hiding here.”

Without commenting any further, Steve handed him your business card and Mr. Stark hummed. You weren’t brave enough to look up. Was he going to wave it off? Was he going to fire you?

He said your name, making you gulp in fright. You had to look up now and you really didn’t wanna, too afraid of what you’d see. You were shocked to meet with a searching gaze, but not a mean one.

“It is true? Is your boss giving you trouble? Making sexist comments? Worse?”

You felt tears in your eyes, utterly taken aback by his sensitive tone, the inviting light in his eyes. It was too much to bear and you wanted to escape the kind gaze; and he wouldn’t let you. You only managed to nod when you felt Steve’s thumb caressing the back of your hand.

Mr. Stark sighed, adding a dark ‘goddammit’, and returned Steve the business card.

“Alright, kids. Let’s have a trip.”

And you just stared.

…what?

Part 2

I know, I know, Steve is a little bit of Knight-In-Shining-Armour here, but it made sense to me O:-)

Happy weekend!

Thank you for reading!

[backtoyuta]

NCT 127: How they would be as coworkers in a shitty office

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❁ [Taeil] King of the welcome wagon; If it was your first day working in a small dinky business, Taeil will make it his sole responsibility to make the environment as inviting as possible. After all, the business wasn't some glamorous well known company, nor was it an exciting new start up, so Taeil made it his mission to paint the office as pretty as he could before you could decide if the job was too boring to keep. If you ask any of his co-workers they'll tell you nobody put him in charge of welcoming the newbie, but it seemed everybody but you noticed him do a double take at the receptionist's desk where you waited to be shown around. Soft moments included him making you a coffee every time he left to make his own, making a point of clearing a little space in the communal fridge for your lunch and hanging around while trying to maintain a respectful distance in case you had any queries so he could be the first to answer them. If you were low-key dreading your first day, you kinda forget about the nerves quickly because of his kindness and tells you cheerfully "See, we don't bite." Will make sure you have everything you need, down to the last sticky note and ball point pen, and smiles bashfully at you when you go to thank him.

❁ [Johnny] cheesy office romance; It was quite impressive really, the fact that Johnny managed to unlock every single office romance cliche you could think of and he wasn't subtle about it either. Though there was no policy really about dating co-workers, the whole situation was a tiny bit embarrassing given the blatant flirting from the titan walking around in his shirt and tie, always throwing devilish smiles from over the photocopier. Even if his desk was miles away from yours, there would always be an excuse to stroll by your work space to drop off some paperwork personally, or remind you of the meeting happening in the afternoon despite the email reminder going around. Johnny really put his bladder through it since he now took too frequent trips to the water cooler that was so conveniently placed next to your desk. The whole office gagged when you finally agreed to go for drinks after work. The hours were spent buying each other pints and admiring him with his tie loosened and shirt sleeves rolled up, revealing the delicate tattoos that decorated the skin there before calling it a night and letting him kiss you on your porch after walking you home. You kind of became the height of office gossip, which Johnny thrived in, but you couldn't really be mad when you were dating that tall glass of water after all.

❁ [Taeyong] The receptionist with first aid training; Stapling your finger was embarrassing enough, imagine the heat flooding your cheeks when the receptionist appears at your desk clutching the first aid kit, big kind eyes glancing at your finger empathetically. Taeyong was the first face you saw when you walked through the door, that alone making a wonderful first impression, also he was a very diligent worker. He never made a fuss when you asked him to fax something, make a memo or photocopy, and when you had to ring the office because you left your keycard and needed to be let in, he laughed that off with you too while assuring that it happened all the time. On the blasted day you aimed the stapler at your paper but instead caught your finger, Taeyong was the first to perk from behind his desk at your exclamation of "Ow!" and was by your side before you knew it. He apologised profusely at the sting of an anti-bacterial wipe and wrapped your finger gingerly in a plaster, his chair scooted towards you and your knees bumping occasionally. You were pretty sure every female in the office was crushing on him and you were one of many, but you couldn't help the blush when you received a private IM chat asking if you wanted to get coffee after work: "Date? :)" he wrote at the end of the message. You wasted no time typing on your computer a reply, sneaking a glance at his face from behind the desk and exchanging a smile before looking busy once again.

❁ [Yuta] The guy that lowkey terrified you; Yuta was the co-worker that, whether it was on purpose or not, pushed you away with sheer intimidation and sinfully good looks. When you first encountered him in the office you were sure he was a model undercover, and when that was debunked you were sure he must have had a much higher level and higher paying job than you. His presence read corporate, the cologne you sometimes caught a whiff of smelt expensive and you could easily picture him in a big leather chair in a tall glass building barking orders at people. What surprised you was behind the intimidating aura, lay the humility of any of your other co-workers. All it took was one painfully awkward conversation in the break room and with the power of pointless small talk you learnt that his weekend plans didn't involve a modelling side hustle like you expected, but rather being a homebody, watching animated movies and cooking dinner for one instead. When you did finally enter an established relationship with him, expect impulsive moments like being tugged into the copier room so he can press his lips to yours and run his hands through your hair, or intense staring contests when other male co-workers demanded your attention. Overall, he was terrifying, but his redeemable qualities involved making dates after work so you had something to look forward to, buying your favourite cake during office parties and volunteering to do overtime with you so you would always be entertained.

❁ [Doyoung] The manager that scares you shitless; For the position of local branch manager, Doyoung exuded way more power and intimidation than what was probably warranted. Maybe that was why he managed to get the branch performing so well, everybody dreaded being called into his office for "friendly chitchat" after making a small mistake. When you first arrived, you steered as clear from him as possible, only venturing near his office when absolutely needed. What you didn't see was the way he would watch you intently in your little office nook, always appreciating how hard you worked and how cute you looked in your office get-up. You often squirmed at the amount of eye-contact he gave you when he ran meetings and you would glance around to see if anyone else was experiencing the same thing. Nope, just you. When he did call you into his office that one time you were quaking in your shoes. You had already convinced yourself you were fired before you had even reached his office door, but the feeling was replaced soon enough with confusion when he did eventually speak to you. "I just wanted to ask... would you be interested in.... this corporate training program?" He rushed. My god, your boss was just as awkward as the next bumbling guy. It would be a while before he asked you on an official date, dinner for two, also quite a bit of paperwork to fill out with HR, but you would come to realise his icy exterior wasn't all that icy when he wasn't in work-mode.

❁ [Jaehyun] The temp that never left; Jaehyun was fresh from university, now venturing into the world of work but still had the boyish aura that set him apart from the rest of the men in the office. From the way he spoke to you over lunch in the break room you could tell he was full of ambition, but also didn't seem to be in any rush to leave this job any time soon. Jaehyun was the guy who you initially tried not to get too close to, since you were under the impression that he would be leaving after completing the temporary placement and when he left it would hurt like a bitch. However, you could have sworn his placement ended like a month ago, but eventually you learnt that he somehow managed to talk himself into a full-time position. "Oh that, yeah, I guess I just realised I had more reasons to stay." He shrugged as casually as he could when you asked about it. You couldn't deny that you were happy, not when you saw his smiling face in the conference room saving you a seat, hearing his outrageous stories from uni and always being the two to get a little too drunk at corporate parties and being sent home in a taxi of shame. Romance blossomed when you remembered that one drunken kiss in the backseat and you both bonded when your boss gave you the cold shoulder after arriving to work a little more than dishevelled and with a hangover.

❁ [Jungwoo] Desk buddy; Honestly, who could hate their job when they had a sweet Jungwoo sitting at the desk adjacent to theirs. You kinda scored when your boss appointed you this specific desk because Jungwoo took to you almost embarrassingly quick. It made your heart swell looking at all the little knick knacks on his desk; toys to fiddle with and colourful sticky notes, this was just one part of his persona. You were a little shocked when he offered you a cigarette during the lunch break, kind of exposing a duality you didn't know existed, but nobody could be that wholesome of a person. Monday to Friday 9-5 was filled with Jungwoo ping-ponging back and forth between these traits, any off handed comments he would mutter to you when the boss was giving an announcement or the conversations you would overhear him having with a friend over the phone would remind you he wasn't a total puppy of a human being. However, the way he always offered to share a snack and would flick paper and notes at you playfully was also very much him being himself. You always fluttered a little at the smirk he would throw your way when your manager was talking something boring or ridiculous, it seemed those smirks were only reserved for you. It didn't take long before he became your best friend in the office, if he wasn't in that day you were in the right mind to just call it quits yourself (and vice versa), he was the guy that made the long hours that much more bearable.

❁ [Mark] The bumbling intern; When it came to responsibilities in the work place, you tried to delegate as little of that as possible to Mark the intern. It was cute really, the guy put in 110% effort into his tasks and yet when it came to coffee orders, photocopying or sending out a memo, something nearly always went wrong. You couldn't help but admire his enthusiasm, also that he made an effort to know everybody in the office, including the cleaners. Mark was one of the first people to greet you when you joined, waving around a little notebook of Starbucks orders and a company card to splurge, urging you to write down whatever you wanted. A simple task right? Rookie mistake. Bless him, you would never tell him how his mistake of getting full dairy rather than the soy you requested led to a night on and off the toilet, but that just scratched the surface of his office blunders. Somehow, he never cost the company too much, but there was a reason why the poor boy never got promoted beyond intern. He wasn't deterred though, he'd lean up against your desk while you made idle chit chat and he'd tell you that he liked his job and he didn't aspire to be the best in this business. Where he really proved himself was during company functions, you'll never forget during the annual employee bbq when he asked you your favourite song so he could sing it melodically accompanied skilfully with a guitar. Mark's contributions to the work place were always a little unpredictable, but he kept things interesting and people, including you, genuinely enjoyed having him around.

❁ [Haechan] Probably the reason you get fired; Even in the workplace, Haechan can't deny himself a bit of mischief. He made a stellar first impression by rocking up half an hour late, sending your boss a half arsed apology and plonking down at the desk across the room from yours. To be honest, he kind of annoyed you at first, his attitude came off immature and you didn't appreciate how distracting he was when you had work to do. However, things started to change at some point. Haechan was the guy that convinced you to ditch the office party and sit on the rooftop with him to watch the city lights, the guy that sent out ridiculous memos just to catch you smile and the guy eventually became the reason for you own demise after he started picking you up for breakfast most mornings. When the manager called you in his office after being late the third time in a row, you ducked your head and mumbled something about traffic while hiding a croissant wrapper in your pocket, Haechan covered a laugh with a cough and apologised on behalf of both of you. When you asked him about why he never seemed to give a shit about anything, you learnt that it was because he had a taste for adventure; "Don't tell me you wanna stay and work here forever? Don't you wanna do something more... exciting with your life?" He asked you incredulously, like the answer was obvious. He kinda got you, no, you didn't want to work in a dingy office for the rest of you life. To be honest, when he painted a picture of moving to a big city, or taking a road trip, or just fucking off to the suburbs you didn't hate the sound of that either. When you were both sat there in your manager's office, signing off on a severance package, you weren't even mad. You didn't have time to be, Haechan was already clasping your hand and leading you to his car and laughing about finally being free, tugging his tie from around his neck whilst driving no where in particular- the start of an adventure.

[just-someone-who-likes-to-write]

Period Pains!

( Requested by Anonymous:  Could you do a Nuada x Reader where she’s on her period and is just sore and emotional and is having cravings? It’s that time of the month for me and reading about my favourite character being comforting always makes it better. Thanks x)

(A/N): Oh anon, sorry that I didn’t get to this sooner and that you had to go through that without and good story to make you feel better. I hope you still like this and will make you feel better even without the... “Girl flu”..

Warnings: Major Fluffs all the way.

Female Elves are different from females humans, most of those different are physical differences like hair, eyes, and skin but most importantly the anatomy, Because unlike the human body, female Elves don’t have the “Red Curse” as his (Y/n) would call it. From what he had learned if a month past without her getting pregnant her body will start to release everything it prepared for the Child-to-be. The prince was confused, but still proud, because the “Red curse” is a sign that his beloved is a healthy fertile woman. However, he was not prepared on what price Female humans have to pay for it.

Nuada woke up before sun rise and the alarm as usual. he looked at the time, then to the sleeping human beside him, making him smile at that sight. His (Y/n) looked so peaceful when she slept and as much as he wanted to just stare at her till she woke up, he had to go and start training. Using his skills Nuada managed to sneak out of the bed without alerting (Y/n), all he had to do now was remove the cover from him and leave the bed. However, the moment Nuada lifted the sheets his eyes slightly widened when he saw the small amount of blood tainting her clothes, He turned back to look at the calendar and it was confirmed. Today is supposed to be the first day of the red curse. Acting quickly Nuada went to their shared closet and brought her new pair of under wear and warm clothes for her to wear. He went to the bathroom and started a warm shower, because her body should not handle the cold. He went back to her side and started waking her gently.

“My love, I need you to wake up.“ (Y/n) just groaned at him and tried to bring the blanket over her head but he stopped her. “Your curse has started.“

When he said that (Y/n) seemed a bit more alarmed but still very tired and forced herself to set up properly, but Nuada only lifted her up and brought her closer to him for her to set on his lap. She pressed herself to him seeking his warmth her eyes still closed, he could till that she was trying hard to fight sleep.

“I will you go back to sleep once you get yourself taken care of.“ He assured before standing up with her on his arms as they made their way to the bathroom.

“Did I bleed on the sheets?“ (Y/n) mumbled tiredly.

“No, you didn’t. Get yourself put together and then you can go back to bed.“ Nuada answered before he gently got her to stand on her own.

Nuada left the bathroom to give (Y/n) her privacy. while she was doing her human hygiene Nuada went to prepare a hot water bag and leave it on her side of the bed. when he heard the water stop Nuada was ready to receive her. he saw that even though her eyes were open she was still tired and wanted to sleep. He guided her to the bed and smiled when he heard the pleased sigh his beloved let out as the welcoming heat received. Giving her a last kiss on the head Nuada changed his clothes and went to his training, making mental note to talk to her supervisor and excuse her from work for the next week, he need to bring snacks, candy and especially chocolate for her, he also needed to always stay calm and remember that his (Y/n)’s hormones are out of control and that she was going through a lot of pain, so any harsh thing or nonsense she would say in the future was never meant and that she simply can’t help it.

The Elven prince wasn’t as prepared when he dealt with the red curse for the first time. it was a lot of chaos and he almost wanted to walk away for not understanding it better.

---

He decided to finished training a bit early, so he can have time to bring (Y/n) food, because snakes alone isn’t healthy. He thought she was still sleeping peacefully, he didn’t expect to walk in the room and see (Y/n) crying as she stared at her Laptop screen. When she saw him more tears ran down her checks.

“N..Nuada..“ She said between sobs.

Putting her food to the side Nuada hurried to wrap his arm around the crying girl to comfort her, she pressed her face against his stomach and started crying. Taking the chance Nuada glance to her Laptop screen and rolled his eyes at what he saw. (Y/n) was watching one of those sad romantic human movies again, he never understood why does she purposely make herself feel bad to the level of crying if she hates the feeling so much. He now understand what male humans call their females a mystery. But still he did not point it out to her and allow her let out all her emotions. She finally looked up to him her eyes slightly puffy, her arms still not letting go of him as she rested her chin on his stomach.

“You won’t forget about me would you?“ She asked.

“Not this again.“ He couldn’t help but think with a smile, because despite her ridiculous question Nuada couldn’t help but think of how cute she was.

“No, I will not.“ He answered as he kissed her forehead.

“Then what if I forgot about you?!“ (Y/n) said as more tears threatened to escape her eyes.

Nuada pulled away from her enough for him to kneel down to be in her eye level. He cupped her face and looked into her eyes to show his sincerity on what he is about to say next.

“My dear, if You forget about me, then I shall do everything in my power to make you remember me again, and if you didn’t then I will make you fall for me again“ He assured. “And you shouldn’t be afraid if I was the one to lose his memories, because i know deep down that I will fall for you all over again.“

He then kissed her forehead, which (Y/n) learned from years together that this was his way of showing how much he adores her. He hopes that this little speech of his would stop her from crying but he was wrong as (Y/n) wrapped her arms around him and cried even more. Nuada could only sigh as he continued to rub her back in a soothing manner. After she had calmed down Nuada said the magic words that would lifted up his beloved mood. 

“Would you like chocolate?“ He asked calmly. and just as expected (Y/n) tensed in his arms before she slight pulled away to look at him shyly.

“You brought me chocolate?“ She asked timidly with a sniffle. Nuada had to hold back his laughter so his darling won’t mistake it for mockery. He pulled away from her to go bring the bag filled with sweets for her.

“Although I disagree with having chocolate before a proper meal, I will allow you this time.“ He said before giving her a bar of chocolate. “I assumed this is you favorite kind?“

Her answer came in her ignoring him and focusing on tearing off the plastic and devouring the treat, she let out a delighted moan that always seemed to make Nuada worked up... He could pin her right now and teach her a lesson on not to let out that kind of noise without him around, he had told (Y/n) that he doesn’t care or mind the blood, but she was still against it. Nuada shock his head from such thoughts and focused on giving his lady the special treatment she deserves... so she can repay him a week later. he thought a mischievous grin.

--- 

It was night time, Nuada was preparing to join (Y/n), who was groaning in pain as she pulled her body in a fetal position. this sight pained him greatly because there is not much he can do. He brought her warm drinks, refilled the water bag with hot water, made sure she was wearing warm yet comfortable clothes, and is surrounded by soft pillows. It took some of his space but he didn’t care, he just focused on trying to ease her pain. 

“I guess from the groans that the pain killers didn’t work.“ He asked as joined her. She just shock a little under the blanket, which was a ‘No’.

Nuada thought for a moment before an idea came to him. 

“My dear, would you let me try something that might help you?“ He asked as he peaked under the blanket and found her staring back.

“What thing?“ she asked.

Nuada had (Y/n) laying on her side, she was still hugging the hot water bag in the front, and her back was facing Nuada and bare. The prince made sure that his hands were warm before he touched her. Next thing (Y/n) was letting out series of pleased sighs as he continued to massages her back focusing on the end of her back where most of the pain was. 

“How does it feel?“ He asked after what felt like half an hour.

“...Hmmm... Good...“ She said in a low sigh. “…So ..good...“

He chuckled before continuing to massage her back to do his best and ease the pain so she can fall a sleep. When (Y/N) felt that it was enough she rolled around so she can bury her face in his chest. Nuada just smiled, and he wrapped his arm around her to bring her close.

“Thank you, Nuada.“ Said (Y/n). “I can’t believe how did i go through this every month without you around.“

“You flatter me.“ He replied before closing his eyes to sleep. “But you know, I might have a solution to your “Red Curse”.“

“Oh really, and what is that?“ (Y/n) asked not opening her eyes.

“It’s a solution that only lasts 9 months though.“

When he said those words he felts a punch on his rib that didn’t hurt but made him laugh. (Y/n) lifted her head enough to look at him with one eye open.

“Don’t try your luck, princey.“ She replied with a low growl.

“No, promises.“ he said earning another punch to the rib, which made him laugh again.

Human females were not like Elves female at all, you didn’t have to worry about the Red curse, or hurting their feeling with the simplest words that were not meant as harmful, or keep them supplied with candy and junk food. But Nuada doesn’t care for he is ready to deal with anything to please his (Y/n).

---

I hope you guys enjoyed this one, as I said before requests are still closed, and for those who are waiting, your request will come so don’t worry. 😊

[misscrawfords]

17+32, Catherine and Henry (Northanger Abbey)?

War AU + Pregnancy fic

My anon, are you sure about this? Because this sounds hella angsty and if Catherine and Henry are anything, it's not angsty!

So I'm really sorry for completely ruining your desire for angst here.

*

Catherine goes to war in maternity leave.

Not literally, don't be ridiculous. She's an English teacher; what on earth would she be doing in a war zone? (She did once fancy herself a member of the Royal Navy but she had been 13 and mostly inspired by going on a high ropes adventure course on a school trip. The craze had not lasted.)

No, maternity leave is simultaneously boring and freeing. Since she started as a teacher, she's never had so much free time to just think. Henry's around some of the time, of course, but he has sermons to write and parishoners to see and tedious parish council meetings to chair. She flits in with cups of tea (waddles, really, at this point) and homemade cake that they at least pretend to like. (Sometimes she likes to give in to all the stereotypes of a vicar's wife. It makes her feel strangely cosy.) But when she isn't baking, she's at war.

At war on the internet. With the dog over her feet and a cup of tea at her side.

It started with a fun looking show on Netflix. Henry pointed it out to her one evening. "It's aimed at people who really loved Twilight when they were teengers and now lead depressingly generic lives in suburbia. People like you," he added pointedly.

Catherine narrowed her eyes and didn't let on that she'd already seen the trailer. "You're going to make fun of it."

"I mean... yes... obviously, but also, I really want to see whether the Dawn Angel gets together with the..." He squinted at the summary on his phone. "Immortal Night Demon or with her high school ex-boyfriend turned firefighter, Jordan. Golly, tough choice there, right? It's going to be compelling drama - breathtaking fight scenes, symbolic dark and light imagery, the epic highs and lows of high school football. You name it!"

They binged the whole thing in two days. Henry's next sermon, on the possibility of redemption even for demons and the devil himself, had been written in a fever dream by both of them at 2am after staying up far too late on Saturday arguing over the fate of the Night Demon and other related topics.

Old Mrs. Evans was heard to mutter sourly to her daughter Carys after the service, "That'll put the cat among the pigeons, that will alright. Too much Milton, not enough St Paul!"

"I always find Milton very inspiring!" Catherine replied bravely and loyally, as she helped them to a cup of tea in the church hall. She smiled at Carys, whom she'd taught Paradise Lost to at A Level a couple of years earlier. "St Paul too, of course," she added quickly, quailing under the mother's righteous glare. "Very inspiring."

But without marking or admin or driving to and from the high school in the large town half an hour away and without groups of teenagers to debate books with on a daily basis, Catherine found herself bored.

So she booted up her tumblr once again, abandoned since teaching had taken over her life and spending time with her wonderful, clever, funny, loving husband had seemed more interesting than scrolling aimlessly through social media, and discovered to her gleeful pleasure that fandom had not changed much and neither had she.

Or so she thought. Nowadays, she realises, everyone is moralising. The prevailing view seems to be that teenage girls in fandom aren't capable of distinguishing fact from fiction, that if they want a fictional heroine to rule hell with a sexy demon overlord at her side that must mean that that's what they want in real life. That the only moral thing to do here would be to marry the nice but boring guy who's been there for ever.

Catherine is an English teacher married to a vicar. If anyone knows anything about morality and fiction, it's her. This is all sounding very similar to the male critical outrage at women's novels in the 18th century. It seems nothing ever changes except that this time it's girls doing it to each other. Catherine writes several essays explaining all of this. She gets sent death threats and called an abuse apologist.

"It's so strange," she muses to Henry, as they eat homemade Thai curry in front of the aga.

"What is?" he replies. (She's told him everything, of course.) "The teenagers sending you anonymous death threats on tumblr? Because-"

"Nah, that's just standard for tumblr. I mean, it's so strange that anyone would want Griselda to be with Jordan. He's just so... normal and not in a good way. Just always going on about football and how great he was in high school. He really peaked then and he's a firefighter so that should make him brave but he never seems to actually do any fire fighting. He just talks about it as if we're meant to be impressed. We all know a Jordan and nobody wants to date him."

She'd know. Her first boyfriend had been a Jordan. They'd dated for five minutes. (Literally five minutes. Then she'd realised she'd been asked out and not to do a singing gig. Thorpy had been so subtle as to be unintelligible. Then she'd run for the hills, more disappointed in not having her vocal talents finally recognised than in being asked out by such a bore.)

"So a literal demon is a better bet?" Henry asks. "Just asking for clarification. Next year's Halloween costume depend on it."

"He's interesting and sexy and treats Griselda as an equal. What more do you want?"

"Well, speaking as a clergyman...." Henry begins with faux pomposity as he often does, his expression very fond.

She leaves him to do the washing up and lecture the dog. (She frequently hears him discussing doctrinal issues with the dog from the other room. It's adorable. She wonders if he'll be like this with the baby too. She can't wait.)

Back in her study, she boots the kitten off her chair and settles down for a long evening of defending a fictional relationship against antis, maybe reading a bit of a 52 chapter fanfiction where the Night Demon owns a tattoo parlour in New York City, and continuing to work a little on her new scheme of work for Year 9 when she eventually returns to work. It has the working title of "Sexy villains through history and why we should stan them".

She might need to edit that before she pitches it to her Head of Department.

There's a wonderful smell coming from downstairs: Henry is spontaneously baking apple cake. If she glances behind her computer monitor to the window, the graveyard looms dark and comforting in the autumn night, illuminated just by one of the outside lights on the old church. On a cushion by the bookcase, the kitten is lightly snoring and twitches in her sleep. She feels the baby shift slightly within her.

Shipping wars and the thrill of being so engaged in a fandom once more might fill a current space in her life, but goodness, she knows the difference between fact and fiction! Why would she want anything other than what she already has? Life is good.

[myenterpriseisparked]

can.... can we get a cast for your zoologist Trek show?

I don't have names for them but here we go! This is kind of long, so I'm putting the characters under a cut.

The ship is called the USS Frontiersman. It works mostly in deep space, studying new forms of life on newly discovered planets. Crew compliment of 160. 50 exozoologists, 50 exobotanists, 20 environmentalists (including geologists and atmospheric experts). The remaining 40 crew members are engineers, security officers, helmsman, and the captain and first officer. I'm not positive on the time period this is set during, but it's at least at a point where there's not much conflict between Cardassia and the Federation.

Captain: She's a 40-year-old Engineer who never expected to make captain. Finding out she was being offered a command was the best day of her life. The worst day of her life was the next day, when she stepped on board and realized it was an exobiology ship filled with eccentrics. She slept through her required exobiology course so she has no idea what any of her crew members are talking about. She's basically that babysitter who's charges are all extremely passionate about things she doesn't understand and the parents have asked her to drive them around to local museums and science learning centers while the kids yell in the backseat about who's topic of interest is better.

First Officer: She's a 30-year-old who went through the academy on the command route and was known for being an excellent pilot. Has less knowledge of exobiology than the captain. The two of them keep trying to push interpersonal conflicts to be solved off on one another because neither of them understand what anyone's talking about enough to truly help solve the issue and, frankly, they're both a little frightened of the ferocity of their crew.

Head Engineer: Bajoran who actually did pay attention in biology and, while she's a little confused, she's eager to learn about what the others are prattling on about and is an excellent listener. She tries her best to translate for the non-exobiologist crew members, especially the captain and first officer. She was married (spouse died. tragically) and has a daughter that follows her around engineering. Everyone loves the kid and tries to convince her to study whatever their area of expertise is. Later in the show, when she's a little older, she decides to go the command route at Starfleet and become a pilot, much to the crew's dismay. The First Officer is absolutely tickled.

Chief Medical Officer(s): The Frontiersman actually has 2 chief medical officers; a doctor and a veterinarian. Yes, this is terribly inefficient and yes, they constantly butt heads. The vet is a young human woman from Ohio with a dry sense of humor and a penchant for snark. The doctor is a young human male from Michigan with a dry sense of humor and a penchant for snark. They absolutely hate each other until the day they realize that they are actually in love with each other and all of their arguments have been attempts to deny their attraction. Both of them are absolutely disgusted that they could fall in love with someone so... so... infuriating gosh dang it. They try to continue denying their feelings for each other because they are from rival states and they constantly fight over jurisdiction in the medbay for new species. One day, however, one of their most heated arguments ends in a passionate kiss and they stop fighting their feelings (but not each other).

From there, the rest of the crew is divided up under chiefs of specific taxonomical divisions. Sometimes a division will only have 1 scientist, other times it has a whole crew of people. Depends on the frequency of that type of living thing appearing. Most divisions only have 3 people; a chief and two junior officers. Not every chief is featured in the show because that would be too many characters, so just the ones that are considered part of the senior staff, which were selected by Starfleet at the time of commission based on training.

Chief of Feliformia: She's a hotheaded Betazoid in her mid 30's who spends her free time boxing on the holodeck. She argues a lot with the Chief of Canidae, but they still have breakfast together every morning to trade ship gossip. She wrestles with PTSD and anxiety, which she hides under a layer of bravado. Surprisingly enough, the only person she really feels comfortable opening up to about her past is the Chief of Canidae, because, despite all of their banter about cats vs dogs, they're her closest friend and she appreciates their blunt honesty.

Chief of Canidae: They're a Trill in their mid 30's who's passionate to the point of poetry about dog-like creatures. They're host to a younger symbiont, and they're one of the shortest people on the ship. They also only really open up to the Chief of Feliformia for similar reasons; the blunt honesty. Their relationship is strictly platonic (and I mean actually platonic, not whatever the VOY writers were trying to sell to us about Janeway and Chakotay).

Chief of Rodentia: He's a 70-year-old Bajoran/Cardassian. His mother defected from the Cardassian army to be with his father and the two of them raised him on earth where he raised pet rats. He always has about 7 various rodents tucked into his lab coat. He is a neat freak about his lab space and refuses to let anyone into his area unless they have completely scrubbed up and promise not to touch his PADD stack. Part of his particularity about his lab comes from the fact that he faced a lot of public ridicule due to his mixed heritage when he was young and so he's naturally very defensive of everything he does and owns.

Chief of Chiroptera: She's a twenty-something Half Vulcan-Half Betazoid who was raised on Betazed. Her Vulcan mother was the Vulcan ambassador on Betazed, and her work made her somewhat absent so, while she has enough of a restraint on her emotions not to be violent or aggressive, she's also more Betazoid in terms of personality. The combination of telepathic and empathic abilities from her parents has made her sensitive to large crowds, which is why she LOVES working in caves with bats away from other people. The combination of the two species' abilities constantly bombarding her and the need to restrain her Vulcan emotions have also resulted in her having ADD (her attention is being pulled in every direction so focusing on other tasks that don't immediately grasp her interest is SUPER difficult for her). However, she's also incredibly kind, difficult to shock or surprise, and very passionate about her work.

Chief of Reptilia: They're a human in their early 50's, a bit reclusive, and VERY unwilling to let people in their lab. They never show up to a meeting without a snake around their neck. The snake might be venomous. No one knows for sure. Whatever the case; everyone on board is pretty sure the reptile division is actually a cult because they never see anyone from that crew outside of the lab decks.

Chief of Aves: She's human, no one knows her age, and she refuses to wear a standard-issue lab coat, opting instead to wear a tie-die coat that reaches the floor. She speaks in riddles and everyone thinks she's crazy, but she's actually incredibly wise and an excellent listener. She specializes in raptors.

Chief of Livestock: Even though it's not technically a taxonomical order, they have a guy who specializes in studying livestock of alien cultures. No one is sure how old he is, or what his species is, for that matter. He has the calm, level-headedness of a Vulcan, but he always wears a hat so no one sees his ears or eyebrows to know for sure. He might just be a Midwestern farmer, because they can be Like That too. Despite working with livestock, he also never gets injured, so not even the doctor knows. Some people speculate that he's not human OR Vulcan, but some other immortal species, like a Q. This mystery is never solved on the show, but everyone really likes this guy.

Chief Exobotanist: Despite the fact that the plants are divided up into other taxonomical species, they all report to one Chief Botanist because the plant department is a lot more efficient and interconnected than the animal departments. Despite this, she's completely overworked and undercaffeinated. However, her workload doesn't stop her from being one of the sweetest and most creative people on board. As to the rest of her character, I defer to @emilie786 , as she is the inspiration for this character!

There are other chiefs who are occasional recurring characters, like the Chief of Aquaculture and the Chief of Amphibians. There are also several junior officers who we get to know a bit that are kind of fun. I'm thinking there's some kind of star-crossed lovers arc going on between someone who works in exobotany and someone who works in exozoology. There's also an overworked head of security who is getting really sick and tired of all the escapee animals he has to track down. I think he might fall in love with the Chief Exobotanist partially because plants don't run away and get into the Jeffries tubes (until they do, of course).

Anyway, if anyone wants to add to this, go for it! I'm open to ideas!

[rivetgoth]

Yes!! Being a GNC trans man doesn’t = not passing. I hope it’s ok to rant about this for a bit lol I never get to talk about it. I came to realise a long time ago that when truscum/transmed/whatever they’re calling themselves now talked about “passing as men” they didn’t just mean passing as men, they meant “passing as the most boring cishet men with the most toxic masculinity ever” lol. I lurked on a lot of transmed accounts and they were telling trans kids that any kind of “feminine” fashion would make them not pass as guys.. like nail polish, colored hair, eyeliner etc. I was like do y’all not know emo cis men exist? Goth cis men exist? I just gave up trying to convince them that you could be GNC and still “pass as cis”/pass as a man if you wanted to. It does really make me sad that so many trans kids are holding themselves back. But I think seeing GNC men who are so unapologetic helps

Yeahhh it sucks I feel like a lot of trans guy spaces really end up pushing this idea that being trans means “transitioning into the most boring generic normie looking guy imaginable” and it’s just so crazy cuz plenty of cis dudes do not match up to the crazy strict standards that trans men impose on themselves and each other. I find it sad TBH cuz it definitely creates a cycle of self hate and repression, it’s really not a surprise that a lot of trans guys end up regurgitating just straight up incel rhetoric sayin shit about how a “real man would never XYZ.” I almost feel bad for them cuz like, I do get the fact that dysphoria and social pressure is really difficult to navigate, but fostering a culture where it’s praised and encouraged to sacrifice any sense of self in the name of passing just like… sucks.

I think there is a LOT of layers of this too, like the fact that many trans male spaces online IME are largely dominated by pre-everything guys or guys who are early into transition who are looking for passing advice and stuff, and realistically it IS hard if not impossible to be GNC and pass when you’re early in transition. Nothing wrong with that at all, it’s just the truth. Cis dudes are often mistaken as women if they have long hair, wear makeup, wear women’s clothing, etc, so of course a trans dude who hasn’t been able to physically transition at all is gonna have a hard time if he does the same… But then it escalates and builds from “having long hair as a pre-everything trans guy might make it hard to pass” to “no trans guy who’s actually dysphoric would ever be okay with having long hair” which is just a ridiculous fucking jump.

But on that note, while passing advice is great when it’s asked for, I also just fucking hate the idea that you have to sacrifice all sense of style to pass and that passing should be your ultimate goal. I mean, I get it. I want to pass. I’ve worked my ass off to pass and live full-time as a man. But I also think there needs to be some level of realization that 1. Transition has to partly be for YOU, not just how society might or might not view you. You will always be disappointed if you expect HRT or surgery to be a miracle cure to your dysphoria. 2. I know this gets said a lot in trans spaces but not everyone’s feelings about their own transition is the same. Someone can be horribly dysphoric but feel like having long hair is worth it because there is more than one facet to every human. Dysphoria can be one, self-expression that involves having long hair is another. And these might overlap in complex ways. It’s just… it’s not cut and dry. I actually have a LOT of thoughts about dysphoria as a diagnosis in general TBH, speaking as someone who is professionally diagnosed and totally identifies with being dysphoric/having gender dysphoria, but that’s wayyyy too huge of a subject. The short version is that I think the trans community does itself a disservice when it acts like gender dysphoria is something that can be perfectly defined rather than a tool used for medical insurances and a broad way of grouping together a series of experiences in order to get insurance to cover our medical needs. So naturally I think it’s silly when people do the whole “you wouldn’t do this if you were really dysphoric” thing.

I can have some pretty strong feelings about trans issues but I don’t think it really ever helps to play the “no trans person/no one with dysphoria would ever do XYZ” game. I cannot convey enough that the thing that made me become confident in my gender and made me find pride in being a man was letting go of my fear of not passing and instead embracing self-expression and prioritizing the style that I wanted to have. I told myself that the testosterone would catch up with me and eventually my body would be able to match the style I was putting it in, LOL, and it was so, so much better than putting my entire damn life on hold until I could transition. I know I keep saying it but transitioning should be about becoming a more authentic version OF YOURSELF! It should not be to become a fucking NPC.

If the especially judgmental trans dudes out there had seen me ~5 years ago they would have assumed I was a trender, despite the fact that my dysphoria and being closeted had been one of the most traumatic parts of my existence. But I had long hair and wore makeup and fem clothes and was pre-everything. But it was because I was finally actually looking at the men who actually inspired me. I was looking up to Nivek Ogre, Trent Reznor, Sean Brennan, Boy George, Steve Strange, Pete Burns, Chris Connelly, Paul Barker, Al Jourgensen… These were men whose expressions of masculinity were ones that actually resonated with me. And I could see a future for myself through them. And I wore fishnets and eyeliner and went out to the club and danced and made friends with the same exact community, the goth community, that down the line would help me pay for my top surgery and supported me during a time when I came incredibly close to suicide due to the reaction my family had to my transition. And at this point in my life I still have long hair and wear makeup and put on fem clothes and go and dance at the club in my fishnets and I have been on hormones for over 3 years and have gotten top surgery and live full-time out in the world as a man and I’m happier than I could literally ever have imagined.

[ante--meridiem]

thanks for the eloquent humanities-STEM posts. i also saw The Post and couldn’t quite word why it ground my gears so much. having thought more it also bothers me how it conflates so many things. misogyny in STEM spaces is not a product of not taking humanities courses (???) and the anecdote recounted ironically happens to be a scenario i’ve encountered amongst philosophy majors too (sexism and all!), but as you said, my anecdote is also not data. the conflation of breaking down a hypothetical scenario for the hell of it with thinking that those hypothetical actions are practically okay is also weird. also like, minorities in stem exist. and i don’t know how they would defend their implied tenet of “you need to study concepts in college to Get Them” if it was presented to them outside of this particular argument. i hope this message was okay to send!

Appreciate you thinking it's eloquent :) (I assume you mean the expanded version and not the original; the original was an ineloquent expression of frustration that clearly missed some nuances going by the responses it's garnered and I probably wouldn't have left my clarifications in the tags + reblog if I'd known it would spread).

I do find it a bit ironic how much tumblr loves the "I don't know how to explain to you why you should care about people" meme then spreads a post implictly claiming humanities lecturers do know how to do that. (Funnily enough the original meme frustrates me too because it may be true but I am really not a fan of the concept of there being important things you either Get or Don't regardless of explanation offered; however me not being a fan of it doesn't change it. Still. Ironic.)

"I don't know how they would defend their implicit tenet of "you need to study concepts in college to Get Them" outside of this context" - yeah. That post is pretty clearly founded in a world where college is a basic level of essential education that everyone can be assumed to get, and not a place you go to deepen your understanding of a particular topic you decided you want to know to a level of specialisation beyond what the average person should ever need in their lives. And there is a place in the world for specialised ethicists; any engineering project shouldn't be one person working alone anyway, and it's probably good to have someone there trained to catch social issues others wouldn't - but that's on a "there's a subtle incentive problem/bias problem your proposal would create that you probably haven't seen" level not a "your proposal shouldn't be murder" level, you don't need training for the second. Specialised ethicists on engineering teams should really have a firm grounding in the engineering component too though so you don't get "this ai answered leading questions with the kind of philosophical ideas it found in text we fed it; clearly it's sentient and mistreated".

On sexism, tbh I can absolutely buy that stem classes are more sexist, not because they aren't taught not to be but because the gender ratio at least on the maths side of things is just ridiculously skewed, and a mostly-cis-male environment will probably be misogynistic. (Though my current course actually somehow has an almost even gender ratio - that's a far out exception though, never seen it before except at events deliberately angled at getting women into maths).

Anyway yes, of course this was OK to send, thank you for the ask.