#but regardless of what idiots on the internet think we need to be able to speak openly about issues that hinder liberation

[caparrucia]

Full offense and pun fully intended, but I genuinely think the very existence of "dead dove, do not eat" was a fucking canary in the mines, and no one really paid attention.

Because the tag itself was created as a response to a fandom-wide tendency to disregard warnings and assume tagging was exaggerated. And then the same fucking idiots reading those tags describing things they found upsetting or disturbing or just not to their taste would STILL click into the stories and give the writer's grief about it.

And as a response writers began using the tag to signal "no, really, I MEAN the tags!"

But like.

If you really think about it, that's a solution to a different problem. The solution to "I know you tagged your story appropriately but I chose to disregard the tags and warnings by reading it anyway, even though I knew it would upset me, so now I'm upset and making it your problem" is frankly a block, a ban and wide-spread blacklisting. But fandom as a whole is fucking awful at handling bad faith, insidious arguments that appeal to community inclusion and weaponize the fact most people participating in fandom want to share the space with others, as opposed to hurting people.

So instead of upfront ridiculing this kind of maladaptive attempt to foster one's own emotional self-regulation onto random strangers on the internet, fandom compromised and came up with a redundant tag in a good faith attempt to address an imaginary nuance.

There is no nuance to this.

A writer's job is to tag their work correctly. It's not to tag it exhaustively. It's not even to tag it extensively. A writer's sole obligation, as far as AO3 and arguably fandom spaces are concerned, is to make damn sure that the tags they put on their story actually match whatever is going on in that story.

That's it.

That's all.

"But what if I don't want to read X?" Well, you don't read fic that's tagged X.

"But what if I read something that wasn't tagged X?" Well, that's very unfortunate for you, but if it is genuinely that upsetting, you have a responsibility to yourself to only browse things explicitly tagged to not include X.

"But that's not a lot of fic!" Hi, you must be new here, yes, welcome to fandom. Most of our spaces are built explicitly as a reaction to There's Not Enough Of The Thing I Want, both in canon and fandom.

"But there are things on the internet that I don't like!" Yeah, and they are also out there, offline. And, here's the thing, things existing even though we personally dislike or even hate or even flat out find offensive/gross/immoral/unspeakable existing is the price we pay to secure our right to exist as individuals and creators, regardless of who finds US personally unpleasant, hateful or flat out offensive/gross/immoral/unspeakable.

"But what about [illegal thing]?!" So the thing itself is illegal, because the thing itself has been deemed harmful. But your goddamn cop-poisoned authoritarian little heart needs to learn that sometimes things are illegal that aren't harmful, and defaulting to "but illegal!" is a surefire way to end up on the wrong side of the fascism pop quiz. You're not a figure of authority and the more you demand to control and exercise authority by command, rather than leadership, the less impressive you seem. You know how you make actual, genuine change in a community? You center harm and argue in good faith to find accommodations and spread awareness of real, actual problems.

But let's play your game. Let's pretend we're all brainwashed cop-abiding little cogs that do not own a single working brain cell to exercise critical thinking with. 99% of the time, when you cry about any given thing "being illegal!!!" you're correct only so far as the THING itself being illegal. The act or object is illegal. Depiction of it is not. You know why, dipshit? Because if depiction of the thing were illegal, you wouldn't be able to talk about it. You wouldn't be able to educate about it. You wouldn't be able to reexamine and discuss and understand the thing, how and why and where it happens and how to prevent it. And yeah, depiction being legal opens the door for people to make depictions that are in bad taste or probably not appropriate. Sure. But that's the price we pay, creating tools to demystify some of the most horrific things in the world and support the people who've survived them. The net good of those tools existing outweighs the harm of people misusing them.

"You're defending the indefensible!" No, you're clumsily stumbling into a conversation that's been going on for centuries, with your elementary school understanding of morality and your bone-deep police state rot filtering your perception of reality, and insisting you figured it out and everyone else at the table is an idiot for not agreeing with you. Shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down and read a goddamn book.

[sharingfandoms]

So like in your tags under the bb vs msp poll I saw you mentioning that msp was bad written and tingun aren't as healthy as people claim they are.....and I was like YEAH!! EXACTLY!! But I wasn't able to pinpoint it. Would you mind elaborating on those tags??

ohhh wowwwww my first ask!!!!! of course i will. i am also really happy that someone agrees since i kind of always found myself pretty alone in this lmaooo. thank you for your question!!! much appreciated! ♥

First claim: MSP is bad written

Yes, it is. For many reasons. I will elaborate on the main two.

It kind of presents itself as some sort of heir of Bad Buddy, but the comparison is pale to say the least. The main characters don't really have any reasons not to date. They could date in secret from the very start, as soon as they realize they both have feelings for each other, and then come out as an actual couple as soon as the whole music contest is over, or something like that (even waiting for another year until they graduate could be a valid choice tbh). No particular drama needed. They could still go to each other's houses and make out all day in bed while Gun's mom is working, or go out somewhere public without their classmates present and have a real date.

The actual conflict that makes them star-crossed lovers is ridiculous at best. The mere idea that a school club in high school (well, Mattayom actually, but whatever) would have a rule like that is genuinely stupid - like, it's not even 'club members can't date', but 'those who are in this club and going for Hot Wave can't have a faen'. Like, hello? What if I've had a faen before joining this damn club? I'm supposed to break up with them because some idiot thinks that'll make me more focused on singing and playing music? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm only accepting this as something not entirely crazy and fucked up if there's some cultural reference I'm missing behind it (if things really work like that anywhere in Thailand, then apologies, pretend you never read this last complain; but I did look it up on the internet and didn't find anything about it). It'd still sound stupid, but at least it'd make sense. It was something so out of the blue that just felt like the opposite of plot armor: something made entirely just to create an obstacle to the love story of the main guys once their path was clear and they were both sure about their feelings (if that's such an important rule, why didn't it come up sooner? It felt like watching a kids show, where threats gradually become scarier the more our protagonist becomes stronger). Regardless, like I said, it was not that bad for them.

Pat and Pran are star-crossed lovers because the parents they love and admire - and are economically dependent on - hate each other and actively tried to keep them apart, causing trauma and pain on both ends. They can't get rid of them. It's not highschool, it's not a damn music club you'll eventually get out of (soon enough!!!). It's their whole life. It's the people they love the most who are trying to oppose their relationship (not to mention their friends as well, while Tinn and Gun have full support on that regard). They feel guilty, they feel sad, they don't want to have to say goodbye to their fucking families in order to keep their relationship going. This is serious, and complicated - and practical, as money does buy happiness after all. This will last, probably forever, until their parents will finally come around and accept things are the way they are - we see a glint of it happening in the last episode, at least. Compared to this, Gun and Tinn are fine, really. Even a teenager should be able to see that. The writers didn't have to go out of their ways to make comparisons that martyr PatPran's symbols, like having them use the word 'friend' instead of 'boyfriend' as an 'inside joke', or their colors, or anything at all really, only for them to be related to a fucking school club rule.

The secondary couples are bad handled, which is a shame because I was genuinely interested in Sound and Win at first. I even dared to hope - fully aware I was fooling myself, but at least hoping it was going to be a fun road to something interesting and original! - that they would have actually written an aromantic/demiromantic character in this drama, based on what Win says to Sound in episode 10. But then everything that episode was supposed to be a build-up for in terms of their bond just suddenly disappears in the next, when they're somehow in an established relationship already. Great? Would have been nice to see that happening on screen, I guess. I suppose that's what happens when you WASTE so many episodes around only two characters (TinnGun), relegating focus on your secondary couple (I won't even mention the third couple, since there isn't much to say about them tbh) in the last ones, making it rushed and kind of pointless (this also happened with the feud between Tinn and Sound, which never got explained to the viewers for some reason; okay). And they even get an explicit PatPran reference at some point towards the end of the drama, which makes me cry and not in a good way - poor babies, don't worry, we'll all just collectively forget your outfits and cans were even brought up in MPS in the first place.

Second claim: TinnGun are not as healthy as people say they are

I want to be brief with this one, because people are going to hate on me anyway, and I don't feel like writing a whole ass essay on those two. All I have to say is: if this couple had been heterosexual, people would have probably hated it. With how much double standards affect the way people perceive female characters and straight relationships, all those traits that make them state Tinn is a green-flag and a lovable simp would instead have them assert that he's a succubus, that he's not indipendent enough, that he's only obsessed with the guy and doesn't actually love him, and that he doesn't do much in the show other than being the love interest. Usually, when people say these things related to female characters, they're wrong - and just being mysogynistic, hating on any girl who dares to have a cute crush on a guy. Ironically enough, in Tinn's case, they wouldn't even be all that wrong.

Like I said, I don't feel like elaborating much on this issue, unless anon really wants me to - then I'll dive into it in detail in another post. But, like, genuinely, Gun really pissed me off at times, he often takes Tinn for granted (I'm thinking about that one moment where Tinn tells him he's not going to make it to one of their rehearsals and he gets mad about it, as if Tinn hasn't been at his disposal the entire fucking time; that scene really made me feel uncomfortable, because if I were the one who had been so helpful to anyone at all, just for them to treat me like that as soon as I have a problem of my own and can't attend to theirs, I'd be genuinely disappointed; and yes, I know that Gun will later change his attitude, but I feel like there was no weight placed on this matter, as if him finally acknowledging Tinn's struggles and effort wasn't a turning point in their story but more like something optional that just kind of happened), and I feel like their relationship is often unbalanced on many aspects.

I won't elaborate on all the other claims - "he's obsessed with the guy", "he doesn't do much in the show other than being the love interest" -, but I do genuinely believe there should be more dialogue about them in the fandom. I never once read anyone complain about these issues, and I know for a fact they'd have come up immediately had it been a female character in Tinn's place.

[anarchywoofwoof]

It's funny about the homeschooling thing: I had friends who were homeschooled and I cannot express how badly many of us wish our parents had the means to do so.

I was sick so often (bad immune system, endometriosis before they had a term for it) we had to go to court to defend ourselves for "truancy." I had straight A's. When I was there, I swept the tests. But they want you there in person, or else.

To not have had to wait in the cold or blazing heat without gear because poor and our parents had to be at work at 6am......

I know there are plenty of parents not cut out for it or who weren't trained and would give a subpar education, but wouldn't it be great if as humans we had so much time on our hands that we COULD?

Like every adult had so much time they could educate themselves on at least one or two subjects until a little human comes around and then Get Excited to tell them!! About the thing they learned!! Some adults really like space, some love crochet or woodworking - to see all your teachers (adults in your community) passionate about subjects and to have the freedom to express your own like or dislike or take breaks when you need to without judgement? To work at your own pace?? God I want for that future. Also tech can cut down on infections/flu and illness spreading because idiot schools INSIST on keeping 100's of students locked into tiny rooms with poor ventilation. Our school wouldn't let us open the windows during the heat of summer. Because reasons?? Note, we didn't have air conditioning.

thanks for sharing this.

so here's the thing: although i was homeschooled (really, more "no schooled" than anything), i was able to teach myself on the internet. when i was growing up, the internet was just really taking off (jesus christ i feel old saying that) and it enabled me to really just kind of teach myself whatever i wanted. so as i grew older, i grew more resourceful, more digitally literate and crafted my own education.

now the downside to this is that if you want to go into a highly-skilled field or something like science, mathematics, etc. that kind of thing is hard to pull off in a home setting.

for instance, i had absolutely no science "classes" during my school life because the amount of equipment and knowledge needed is far surpassed what my truck driver father and leasing agent mother could provide

keep in mind, i didn't have tutors. i didn't have in-house teachers. it was my fucking dad teaching me between his time working from 3 PM to 1 AM and my mom checking my homework when she remembered and after she got home from work at 5 PM. most days, i didn't have "school." i slept in and did whatever i wanted throughout the rest of the day. luckily, i was addicted to knowledge regardless, so it all worked out for me.

i'm not opposed to the idea of homeschooling, i should stress this. i won't necessarily go to the extremes of calling it child abuse or something like that. but i do think it's wise to remember that a school has entire staff dedicated to teaching your child and that perhaps it takes some hubris to assume you can fulfill your kids learning needs the same way that a staff of (hopefully) trained professionals can.

i think homeschooling is more possible than ever in the current digital world that we occupy. but my parents definitely didn't have the time, money, patience or any other of the valuable resources that you need to teach a kid from 1st grade to their senior year of high school. especially in the late 90's, early 00's, which is when i grew up.

and the problem is often that most parents don't actually have these resources, but still think that they're more than capable of meeting all of those needs that i mentioned before. unfortunately, this ends up hurting their kid the most when they go out into the world with absolutely no clue how to function in it socially.

[seek--rest]

I agree with you on a lot of your points. But just to add- internet (twitter) perception of him is really an echochamber of criticism that I don’t think he encounters in the real world as often as one would assume given the thinkpieces online about his career. The bigger issue is he’s not seen as a “clown” by executives and higher ups in Hollywood. So he’s continuing to be praised for the good work he does (as in his acting) and given passes for not picking the best material because most of his work is seen as successful to studio execs regardless of whether it’s good or bad. While I agree that he should be in better received projects, I just don’t think that pressure to be in amazing projects is there because Hollywood as a whole isn’t really making amazing projects at the rate they used to. The film industry as a whole just doesn’t breed creativity that showcases most actors real talent since its become so corporate focused which is a shame because I just need to see this man in a project that showcases his charm.

I’d say that he’s seen as a clown in some respects isn’t because of the twitter idiots (which really only matter to themselves and the internet is so fucking weird about him) but rather because studios aren’t sending him the more serious projects and/or his agent isn’t actively seeking those out. A lot of it could be bad luck (I think of him being in 1917 all the damn time had it not been for chaos walking nonsense) and he’s not over the hill and too far gone by any means. But he really needs a solid project that goes well across all fronts.

I also don’t particularly agree with the notion that the industry has only just become a corporate machine; that’s a bit of revisionist history that blames the MCU a little too much for what has always been run by the powers that be (the studio system for example). It’s a complicated thing and streaming/the MCU/social media have all contributed to it.

I hope that with his billions that he is able to not just be the talent but find talent; again, taking the step back to be a producer or maybe to know where he should be looking for projects (and not his fucking gut) and then we could actually have a Tom Holland that is given the credit he’s due.

[loser-female]

I'm still thinking about the post I commented the other day about boys failing school at higher rates than girls.

A lot of people were like "but boys have no positive male role model!"

Other than this being clearly false - I mean, there are still male scientists, male writers, male characters a boy would be able to relate to, male politicians (idk what kids look up to these days), it bothers me because to a lot of people this is women's fault in general, like women are somewhat gatekeeping these role models to boys.

Women's and girls success isn't built on men either - it's not girls success that are making boys useless(and it's a problem because if we're making an army of idiots that's not good), it's a lack of parenting skills issue.

If you let your kids roam free on the internet with no supervision, of course they are going to pick up the laziest person you can think of as a model. No one likes to make an effort(let's be real, no one does) and we all praise results instead of the effort regardless of the result. Yeah, I myself would pick playing videogames all day cursing out and making millions out of it instead of my job - why would I choose otherwise. Of course I'm going to listen to the human trafficker telling me that is girls' fault for everything that goes wrong with my life - this allows me to not take responsibility for my bad choices and lack of motivation.

(and also stop giving participation trophies, come on. You need to teach your kids to deal with not being the best, but that things are still worth trying. But parenting takes effort and YouTube and social media do it for free, so.)

[blackradandmad]

why blippi is rotting yr children's brains

preface: i literally expect no one to read this. it is an essay length, strong opinion piece critiquing a niche youtube-based children's show that i don't expect most of y'all to even have knowledge of lol. but like, i promise that even if you know nothing about what i'm talking about, in my incredibly, super humble opinion, it's a good piece of writing and interesting nonetheless. anyway if you read this whole thing for some reason yr really hot and we should kiss.

i thoroughly vet everything my child watches before he watches it, episode by episode. and we rarely watch youtube for entertainment; we usually just look up educational videos when he has a question about something and wants more detail than i can provide him. and that's mainly because children's content on youtube is so fucking troubling and distressing. i don't judge parents who give their children a tablet at a restaurant at all bc i've been there and sometimes it's easier on everyone to just put on a video and avoid a giant scene, but i do judge parents who just leave their children alone with youtube kids on autoplay.

take stevin john, a literal millionaire who got famous from dressing up as a silly character called blippi and going on tours of places like aquariums, zoos, construction sites, etc and posting it on youtube. this has branched into a whole empire of blippi videos, hulu shows and specials, live shows and tours (that he outsources to another character actor), merchandise and so on. this 30-something year old man cites his main influence as being mr. rogers, but i question if he's ever even seen an episode of that program.

mr. rogers had no background in early childhood development or media production, but he revolutionized the world of children's media, because he respected his audience and didn't shy away from real world situations, all while creating a show with an enormous heart. mr. rogers begins his episodes by inviting the viewer in, literally changing his attire to be more comfortable, and talking about/doing things he genuinely cares about. whereas mr. rogers calmly and maturely addresses the viewer, blippi puts on a high pitched, contrived voice, interjecting every other sentence with a forced exclamation such as, "teehee! we're having so much fun!"

i don't find it a coincidence that john (blippi) is a veteran, either. his videos are completely devoid of the absurd, abstract, childlike thinking that makes children's media fun, creative, and entertaining. his thinking and process is methodical, devoid of emotion, and very superficial. this line of thinking clearly shows the kind of creative sterilization and emphasis on sameness and conformity instilled in the military. blippi simply observes things and interacts with them in a stale, matter-of-fact way. "this ball is purple! this ball is pink! anyway... what's over there? teehee! a car! vroom, vroom!" objects are colors, toy cars don't do anything but drive, curiosity is simply not encouraged.

he uses the "it's educational!" excuse to hide the fact that his show lacks everything that makes media a valuable resource for children to consume in the first place. further than identifying colors, numbers, and the occasional letter or shape, there is just this total lack of children's need for social and emotional development. when mr. rogers breaks the fourth wall to address the viewer and let them know they're special, it feels authentic and natural, because we've spent the last half hour building whole worlds with diverse characters and unique stories in a pretend neighborhood, learning about and enjoying different musical instruments, being exposed to and making friends with (even if parasocially, it is still a real bond to children when done properly) children who are similar to us in character regardless of physical or environmental differences, feeding the fish, making art together, and so on. when blippi tells the viewer, "you are very special, and i enjoy spending time with you!" it falls completely flat and feels unearned, because the last half hour was spent running around a soft play center pointing at bright, colorful objects, visiting interesting locations like farms or fruit production factories while failing to acknowledge the humanity of the humans actually working there (everything is machine or product focused; the human workers are simply an extension of the machine), learning "fun facts" about elephants that just list attributes of elephants, not taking the opportunity to inform the viewers of elephants' intelligence, or diet, or matriarchal society. it is a loud, sensory overwhelming display of a man so disconnected from the social and emotional needs and desires of children that he assumes they're stupid, easily entertained idiots who only need some silly dances and fast-moving cartoon graphics to give their attention (meaning time and desire to purchase products meaning $$$). john clearly views his audience as a means to gaming the algorithm and ultimately a paycheck by the hollow way he addresses them.

the show is so narcissistic, so focused on all the fun blippi is supposedly having, but he lacks any of the character traits that make individual children's show hosts memorable, so much so that he was able to have someone else who doesn't even vaguely resemble him dress as blippi and impersonate him and host the show or appear at live shows, and it went unnoticed by most of his toddler and child audience. the show is so formulaic and the character of blippi is so unmemorable that instead of taking the blue's clues route of developing a story of the host leaving for college and his brother now stepping in, or making some sort of believable excuse for the change in actors, they can simply swap him out with some random guy and not acknowledge it at all. although a comedy show for older children, the amanda show in no way could or would try to replicate the show with the same name but swapping out amanda bynes with a random teenage girl who is clearly not amanda bynes. it's weird and nonsensical and shows that his character is so much of a farce put on for a paycheck that not even his dedicated audience is affected or even cares when he is replaced by a random, unknown person.

this is completely garbage content made by an opportunist with no experience with children who saw his nephew watching children's youtube content, took it at complete surface level and still hasn't realized that while children's content only looks and feels so easy, entertaining, and enriching because it is so hard to do well. even with outsourcing his music, that aspect of the show still sucks. famous and successful children's musician, raffi, is known for his song describing the life of a little white whale, called "baby beluga." it opens with a calm strumming of his guitar, followed by the lyrics, "baby beluga in the deep blue sea/swim so wild and you swim so free/heaven above/sea below/and a little white whale on the go." is it silly and kind of pointless? yes, but the point is that he is captivating children and showing them the fun of listening to music, dancing, singing, and appreciating art. the "excavator song" featured in an episode of blippi about construction vehicles opens with what sounds like a default garageband loop and the flatly sung lyrics, "i'm an excavator/i'm an excavator/hey dirt, see you later/i'm an excavator." i don't feel i have to meticulously analyze the aforementioned lyrics; the stark contrast should speak for itself.

i have a million more criticisms about both blippi specifically and youtube children's content as a whole, but this is already so long and i doubt many people will get this far anyway. it's an issue i was completely apathetic towards until i had my own child and had to wean him off these kinds of junk food shows because i realized the fast-paced visuals and bright colors and repetitive songs/lyrics were putting him in this spaced-out, fugue state, and he thought he could demand this show or that show whenever he wanted. the moment he started regularly yelling things like, "watch! cars!" or "no! click it!" i knew i had to be a lot more invested in the things he watched even if just for entertainment or as a soothing message. i showed him an episode of mr. rogers yesterday and feared it would be too slow to hold his attention, but he was mesmerized, greeting and interacting with mr. rogers verbally, asking me, "what's that?" to different objects on the screen. since purging this low-brow children's entertainment, he has had a noticeable increase in attention span and concentration, can focus on a task for longer amounts of times, is more likely to "read"/look through books without me initiating it, and doesn't throw a fit when the tv/my laptop is off.

i just know that for me, growing up with so much unsupervised internet access definitely led me to real-world pain and consequences, and it seems like now children are born with an iphone as an extension of their arm. if my child is going to be consuming videos, i'm definitely supervising every second and am going to be highly critical of the videos and the credentials (or lack thereof) of the creators and team behind it. but i also know, from pure observation admittedly, that parents letting youtube kids autoplay parent their children for hours at a time is not an uncommon occurrence. and it worries me that a generation of children are being raised on videos that rely on being as loud and bright and superficially enjoyable as possible. what's the use of a child knowing their colors and alphabet if they don't know how to treat people with kindness and empathy and respect? there is something wrong for a children's show host to plug the spelling of his name at the end of his videos ("well, that's the end of this video. but if you wanna watch more of my videos, just type in my name! can you spell my name with me? b-l-i-p-p-i!") after essentially rotting his audiences' brains for a half hour. there's something so insidious about the prioritization of naming different parts of construction vehicles over honest depictions of and conversations about dealing with feelings, or why someone with autism may act differently than you, or what to do when you feel lonely, or ways to make art and express yrself creatively. also, not to mention the blatant police propaganda and outright worship is seriously jarring; as a black mother to a visibly non-white child, i cannot sit there and watch blippi show kids how to be a bootlicker for the shittiest profession on earth, but that could be a whole essay in and of itself.

anyway, thanks for reading, if yr looking for quality children's content, i recommend, in no specific order: mr. rogers, sesame street, the electric company, molly of denali, daniel tiger, bluey!, blue's clues, the odd squad, word party, trash truck, puffin rock, uhh... that's definitely not an extensive list but that's just off the dome!!! ok bye y'all <333

[renaerys]

Okay I've got one: Prompt 15 with Reds. 🤣🤣🤣

15. “I can’t hear a word you’re saying, I just keep thinking about how good that mouth feels.”

Somehow they can make even breathing a competition.

Send me a prompt and some characters! Reminder that the challenge is to make everything SFW, so we're getting creative here.

List of prompts

xxx

“So, we’ve called the paramedics and they’re on their way, but until they arrive it’s up to us. Remember the acronym, kids: C-A-B. What’s the first thing you do?”

Aiyeesha Simpson, a gunner in the making destined for academic greatness and social ruin, raised her eager hand. “Find a flat surface to lay him down!”

“Correct.” Blossom took Brick by the shoulders and shoved him down to the floor. A gaggle of Girl Scouts gathered around him as he wheezed for air.

“Ow,” he said.

Blossom patted his chest. “Please choke more quietly.”

I will end you, he thought so loudly he hoped she could hear him through the murder in his eyes. There was community service, and then there was cruel and unusual punishment. When his required hours were up and his record expunged, he was going to write a very negative Yelp review of the local Townsville Girls Scouts of America chapter and tank this year’s cookie sales. Supremely annoying, outrageously petty, and totally legal. That would teach Blossom for sure.

“Place your hands here between the nipples.”

Some of the Cadette Girl Scouts giggled. To be fair, Blossom of all people saying the word nipples in reference to her former mortal enemy as she trained a room full of twelve-year-old girls in CPR using him as the dummy was a perfect storm of absurd and kinky that he did not see coming. And now he was giggling himself, because he was a teenaged boy who thought the word nipples was funny regardless of the very clear contextual cues, and that pubescent shame was on him, one hundred percent.

Blossom, an ancient and inconveniently attractive evil resurrected in a lab for the sole purpose of making his life miserable, did not appreciate his amusement. “Push hard at a rate of 100 to 120 compressions per minute. Remember to put your bodyweight behind it, like this.”

Brick flexed, and Blossom pushed against his heart like she was trying to crush it in her hands. Once, twice, three times she administered compressions, and Brick’s eyes glowed red with impotent rage.

“Assist Blossom with her CPR lessons to her satisfaction, and we can forget this ever happened,” Mayor Bellum had promised Brick when he lost his temper and blew up an (empty) ambulance. Butch didn’t need his Super stomach pumped no matter how much he drank, so the ambulance and the four-figure bill that came with it were completely unnecessary. This defense did not convince the mayor, however.

The promise of the bill forgiven and his record cleared—and the deterrence of Aiyeesha Simpson filming the whole thing to upload to YouTube later—gave Brick the strength not to eye beam Blossom in front of the children.

“Okay, who wants to try chest compressions on the dummy?” Blossom offered to the girls.

You evil bitch, thought the aforementioned dummy.

After the third little girl properly placed her sticky, little girl hands between his nipples, Brick had had enough. “Hey, I’m still dying over here. Can we move on already? Jesus Christ.”

“Of course.” Blossom smiled, and she had never looked more terrifying.

Brick hoped Butch was suffering. He hoped he was hung over so bad he couldn’t piss standing up. He hoped Butch tried going online only to find that Brick had disconnected the Internet and cut him off from all his online games and porn because fuck Butch and his weak-ass stomach.

“Who knows what the next step is? Maybe someone other than Aiyeesha this time?”

None of the other girls seemed willing to stick their hands up. The carpet under Brick had scorched where his power leaked out in his building resentment for this entire situation. The smell of burned polyester just made him feel even more powerless to stop this.

“No? Okay, well, remember the acronym. A is for airway. You want to be careful about a possible neck injury, so gently lift the chin…”

Blossom’s hands were not sticky like the Girl Scouts’ hands, but they were cold where they touched his skin and forced his head back.

“Are the paramedics here yet?”

Brick got a tight fist in his short hair for that one, and he considered it a small victory. “No. Something about a shortage of ambulances, apparently.”

Biiiiiiiitch.

God, he was going to destroy her so bad.

“Once you’ve cleared the airway and confirmed there are no obstructions—”

“Then you kiss!”

Some girls picked up the giggling again. Blossom, ever the professional, cleared her throat. “Mouth to mouth is a life-saving procedure and not something I’d recommend doing to someone you plan to kiss.”

Wow, great advice.

Some girls still giggled and whispered to each other. Brick had a sinking feeling that this was only going to end with his embarrassment: everyone knew that the cold judgment of pre-pubescent girls was the absolute worst type of judgment a person could suffer.

“Are you gonna show us?”

“Well, I don’t think I need to show you all how to breathe—”

“It’s in the manual! You have to demonstrate every step.” Aiyeesha waved the CPR manual, and Brick realized his misjudgment. She was no vapid goody two-shoes in the making, but a future Honors Student with a secret, a Work Hard Party Harder, an Ivy League Early Decision candidate with all of senior spring semester to slack off because no one was ever going to touch her 4.3 GPA.

Aiyeesha beamed a winning smile at Brick, and it was as chilling as Blossom’s.

Jesus Christ, there are two of them.

True to form, Blossom had never been able to defy a good instructions manual. “I suppose if it says so in the manual…”

Locking lips with Blossom was not a big deal. He’d done it before when they were kids, and he could appreciate the irony of a gesture meant to save his life this time rather than end it. She didn’t even try to mess with him by using her ice breath, just went through the motions as described in the instructions. The girls were disappointed with the lack of hormonal fanfare of it all, which was probably for the best. Leave it to Blossom to make mouth to mouth the sexless, medical act it was literally intended to be. He was almost upset, because it felt like she’d won something here, which could only mean he’d lost.

Disappointed but more educated than they’d been when they’d arrived two hours ago, the Girl Scouts dispersed after the lesson, leaving Blossom and Brick to put away the equipment they’d used.

She held a dummy torso, and she was looking at him with that pinched, constipated look she got when she was about to say something especially snobby. Instead, she surprised him. ��Brick, thanks for being mature about it. I can honestly say you surprised me.”

He stared at her.

“I’ll talk to Mayor Bellum. I’m sure you’ve done enough to meet your hours quota.”

He had not fulfilled even half of his required community service hours and they both knew it.

“So yeah, thanks. I can finish up here if you want to leave.”

Was she trying to get rid of him? Why?

“Brick? Why are you looking at me like that?”

When Blossom was winning, he was losing. That was simply the way of the world. So, if she was losing, it could only mean he was winning.

“Are you listening to me?”

Brick smiled in what he hoped was a cool, sexy way if he imagined looking at anyone but Blossom. “I can’t hear a word you’re saying. I just keep thinking about how good that mouth feels.”

Blossom stared. “I’m sorry?”

He would make her sorry.

“Yeah, you’re a great teacher. I could really feel your passion for demonstrating the lesson correctly. With your mouth.”

Her staring intensified. “Did you.”

“Oh, yeah.” He leaned his hip against the table like he’d seen in the movies. It worked for Daniel Craig in Casino Royale, and that guy had convinced Eva Green. Iconic. “I could really feel you trying to save me.”

Where was Aiyeesha with her phone to film this? There was so little he could do to rattle Blossom as they got older, and while the challenge delighted him, it was also exhausting being constantly a step behind her. Was this truly her demise? Had he won the Teenage Experience? Was this poetic justice for how she’d once killed him with a mere kiss, only to suffer the same fate in turn? He could have cackled. This was better than trolling the Girl Scouts of America reviews, although he might still do that because it was a genius idea and he had always indulged his own genius ideas when they came to him.

So infatuated was he with his own self-fellating digression that he was slow to react to Blossom sidling up to him. Her hand was still cold on his chin, and it sent a shiver down his spine. “Shall I save you again?”

Brick’s dignity drained with his blood, which was an unfortunate side-effect of being a teenaged boy that he would just have to suffer. But winning was about recognizing one’s weaknesses and working around them. He leaned into her personal space. “Please.”

He wasn’t sure who kissed who first, but it was happening and all he could think was I am better at this than you and I hate you and also Do that again. He tried holding her waist, and she fought back with her fingers in his hair. Not one to be deterred, Brick tried some tongue but pulled back when he tasted thirty degrees below zero. He immediately went back in because he could feel her superiority, her Got you, you horny idiot, but the joke was on her because he liked her cold, always had when it was hot as balls out and he’d make up any excuse to pick a fight with her just for the chance to cool off.

The Girl Scout troop leader walked in on them competitively making out in the classroom like it was an Olympic sport and put an end to things, leaving them at a frustrating draw for now. They said barely a word to each other when Brick glared at the troop leader so bad she flustered and didn’t even question them before running out of there with some excuse about getting the wrong room.

Later that evening, Brick caved and changed the Internet password back just so Butch would quit whining at him. He Googled kissing techniques and spent the next hour and a half watching YouTube videos and reading GQ articles about How to Please Her Like a Champion, because he was a champion and a winner and he was not going to lose to Blossom in this. Not a chance.

This had to be what they meant when they said kill with kindness.

“I’m going to end you,” he muttered to himself as he read about the top ten highest voted movie kissing scenes, which he would then stream and commit to memory in order to be fully armed and armored for the next time he encountered Blossom alone in a classroom. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe during their shared free period.

Truly, he had the most genius ideas.

xxx

If you enjoy my writing, check out more of my fics on AO3, link in my profile. I’m currently updating Trinity House and The Alchemy of Us. Thanks for reading!

[excelsi-or]

18/09/25 - beginning of an end (woozi)

w.c. 2.1k (FLUUUUUUUUUUUUFF)

July 28, 2025

September 18, 2025

“You want to what now?”

“Knew I should have called Wonwoo,” Jihoon sighs. He twirls his pencil between his fingers.

“No, calling your best friend is the ideal person to call in this situation.”

“My best friend is an idiot and blowing it out of proportion,” Jihoon retorts.

Mingyu huffs. “You call me, asking how to propose. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?”

Jihoon frowns at his phone screen and then puts it back to his ear. “Not yell at me, you absolute dolt. I just want advice on what to say and how to do it. Rings and stuff.”

“I am literally the most ill-equipped person for this conversation,” Mingyu whines. He clicks his tongue. “Let’s go talk to Seungcheollie hyung tonight.”

Considering Seungcheol isn’t married, Jihoon wonders why Mingyu thinks the older man would be helpful. “But why do you need to come?”

“I need to be prepared for your upcoming nuptials.”

Jihoon tries to fight the smile that blooms on his face when he hears those words. “Shut up.”

“I never thought I would see the day, hyung.”

“I’m really going to hang up on you.”

“Text Cheol hyung and then text me.” Mingyu sounds as if he’s going to say goodbye. “Don’t you dare leave me out of this, hyung. I swear to God.” Then the line goes dead.

Jihoon twirls around in his seat. 

The break up songs that one of the managers had liked just weren’t the types of songs he was making nowadays. So he handed the man ballads, sadder songs about love. They were more longing than angsty. And while it doesn’t seem to be exactly what the man had heard, he seemed happy with the end result.

“Ah, you’re a good one, Jihoon-ssi,” he’d said.

Jihoon knows that he can’t do much better than that in terms of a compliment. But it doesn’t take a genius to know that Jihoon’s head hasn’t been entirely on music the past few weeks.

The company had had a party a few nights ago to celebrate the end of summer. This meant that significant others and spouses were able to mingle alongside them. While it was nice to introduce her to some of the other producers, she knew Hansol, Seokmin, and Bumzu already. They were the only real people that mattered to him.

Regardless, since then, people have been passing him in the hallway asking when he plans to tie the knot.

“You don’t let a smart woman like that walk around without a ring on her finger, Jihoon-ah,” one of the higher ups had said. She’d wanted a drink and Jihoon had offered to grab it for her. If she had heard that man, she would have given him a piece of her mind. Something along the lines of ownership and how she, as a smart woman, can do whatever she wants with or without a ring.

But odd comments like that have had him looking at marriage differently.

His mother, in particular, has been pushing the marriage card a bit harder than usual. Every time Jihoon calls, she asks why he hasn’t asked that ‘poor girl to marry him’. 

“We’re just not ready yet,” Jihoon says every time.

“Aish,” his mother sighs. “When are you going to be ready?”

“What’s the difference if we’re married? We’d be living the same life we do now.”

“It feels different when you’re married, Jihoon-ah.”

When he wakes up next to her in the morning, he’s started wondering how different it would feel.

“What do you think of marriage?” Jihoon asked one morning at breakfast. They were sat across each other on their kitchen counters with bowls of cereal in their laps.

“Marriage?” she repeated. She tipped her head in that way of hers. “We said we’d get married when we were ready.”

Jihoon nodded. They’ve been saying it for years now. When they’re ready. “Are we?”

“Ready for marriage?” She looked at him with wide eyes. “Are you ready for marriage?”

“Are you?”

She chewed thoughtfully, tipping her head back. “Jihoonie, if you asked me to marry you, I’d be stupid to say no. But how different would our lives be if we tied the knot?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Omma says it’s different.”

She had no response to that, but that was an affirmative answer as any. The topic of marriage usually put them off completely and made them scared for what the future held. But Jihoon has been analyzing his future before bed every night, as she lays in his arms already asleep.

She’s it. Every future he can come up with has her in it.

And maybe that’s what makes him ready.

Jihoon digs around in his pocket for the ring box that he’s been carrying for a few weeks. He’d picked it out, checked her shoe for her shoe size and sized the ring to it. If the Internet was lying about that, they can always get it resized. He keeps the ring box in his backpack and sweater pockets when he leaves the house. She’ll find it if he leaves it at home.

The call to Mingyu was to prep him. And because he also knows his friend is horrible at keeping it secrets, everyone else will know by the time they get home. It’s a sort of incentive to ask her now before the surprise is spoiled.

His phone rings and he answers on the first ring when he sees her name. “Hello?”

“Can you still get away for a quick dinner?”

“Yeah, I’ll meet you by the Han.”

“You’ve already ordered our foods, yes?”

“The Cokes and chicken should be there when you get there,” Jihoon chuckles. He’d ordered before calling Mingyu. “See you in a bit.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.” As soon as he’s hung up, he hops out of his chair, makes sure he has everything and hurries out of the building. It isn’t until he’s in the lobby that he realizes that the ring isn’t in his sweater pocket. Quickly, Jihoon bolts back upstairs, past four people he already said bye to and passes those same four people again on his way down.

Jihoon catches the train. He’s bouncing on the balls of his feet the entire way, the anticipation killing him. He didn’t expect to be nervous. He planned this entire thing so that it would be a nonchalant ask. It would come up mid-conversation and she could say yes or no. If she wasn’t ready, cool. If she was, great. He didn’t want to add extra pressure by dressing up fancy and going to a nice restaurant, which they never do; or picking an important date to ask, in case it went wrong.

And yet, he’s still nervous to ask the love of his life if she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. Go figure.

Jihoon, even after running up and down the stairs twice, makes it to the Han before she does. The delivery boy arrives right on time and Jihoon pays him, tips him, and then sits down and waits. Jihoon flicks through a Webtoon he’s been reading in the mean time and glances up every time he thinks he hears her coming.

Jihoon doesn’t bother to look up when he hears jogging footsteps coming towards him until those footsteps stop right beside him. He looks up at her in a yellow dress and one of his cardigans over it, because it’s starting to get cold. Her hair seems wind swept and her cheeks are flushed.

“Train got delayed for a kid who got lost,” she breathes. She takes a seat next to the food, turned so that she’s facing him entirely and her legs are crossed. “Let’s eat.”

Jihoon can’t seem to say anything. He’s at a loss and every time he tries to say something, he has to bite his tongue. The words ‘do you want to marry me’ seem to want to just fall out of his mouth. So he stays mum.

She must assume that he’s just in the middle of a creative whirl, as she talks for the both of them. She updates him on what she’s been up to at work, on the articles she’s read that day, on the little squabbles between their friends.

 “Seungkwan told me that he thinks Hansol is dating somebody, because he stays out late and sometimes texts him that he isn’t coming home.”

Jihoon smirks.

“And I know it’s because he’s prepping to drop his next album and that he doesn’t want to tell Seungkwan until then,” she chuckles. “So I just went along with it.”

She chews thoughtfully and stares out at the River, admiring the lights across the water as it gets dark. “You okay, Ji?”

Jihoon tips his head. He hasn’t taken his eyes off her since she sat down. 

“You literally haven’t said anything since I got here.” She turns back to him. “Something on your mind?”

Jihoon is about to shake his head no, when he feels the weight of the ring box shift against his skin. “Yeah, actually.”

She lifts an eyebrow, popping another chicken piece into her mouth. “What is it?”

Jihoon licks his bottom lip and thinks about how he wants to word this. “Remember that conversation we had a few weeks ago?”

She stares at him blankly.

“At breakfast,” he clears his throat, “about marriage.”

“Oh.” She nods. “Yeah, I do.”

His mouth feels dry. “Have you thought about it since?”

“Marriage?” She shrugs. Her eyes fall to the food between them. “I told you I’d be stupid to say no, I think. All you have to do is ask, Jihoonie, I’ll say—”

He had slipped his hand into his sweater pocket while she was looking at the food. When she sits back, the ring box is open between them.

“Whoa,” she finishes. Her eyes meet his.

Jihoon shrugs sheepishly. “Will you marry me?”

Her eyes have grown to the size of saucers. There’s just a long enough pause that Jihoon starts to pull the ring box back. “Yes, Jihoon. Yeah. Oh my god.” She watches as he slips the ring on her finger.

Before she has time to process all her emotions, Jihoon says, “Hah, the Internet was right.”

The bubbling of emotion, and probably tears, pops as her brow furrows. She pulls her gaze from the ring to look at him. “What?”

Jihoon explains the shoe size-ring size article he’d read. “Didn’t believe it, but I’m glad it’s right otherwise this would be a little anticlimactic. Are you surprised?”

“About the ring fitting or the proposal?” When she looks to him, her eyes are sparkling. “I’m surprised. You’d been mentioning marriage more often lately, especially since that company thing a few days ago. So I guess I was also… expecting something.” She lets out a breath, something between a laugh and a sigh. “Can’t say I was expecting a full-on proposal. Maybe another conversation about marriage.”

Jihoon takes her hand and brushes a kiss to the back of it. “If I did this any other time, I’m almost sure that everyone else would know I was going to ask.”

“You haven’t told the guys?”

Jihoon shakes his head. “But I assume they all know about a pending engagement by now.”

She laughs, unable to tame her smile or the euphoria in her chest. “You told Gyu, didn’t you?”

He smirks. 

“You’re not actually going back to the office, are you? You’re not going to make me wait to actually tell them, are you? Hansol and Seungkwanie are coming over for games tonight.”

Jihoon chuckles and he squeezes her hand. “I’m all yours tonight.”

She uses her other hand to feed him a piece of chicken. “Now that’s what I like to hear.”

“You guys all have to be out of here by midnight,” she announces once the boys are all seated in the living room.

Jihoon glances over at her from his spot on the couch, laughing.

She brings the snacks to the table as the boys ask why.

“I told you!” Seungkwan exclaims, grabbing her wrist. “He’d do it without telling us!”

Then he pulls her left hand into the center of the room for everyone to see the ring on her finger. The reaction is almost immediate. Jihoon is yanked in what seems like three directions.

Seungkwan pulls her into his lap for a hug, and Jeonghan leans closer so they can discuss the ring.

“And here I thought you were letting me in on a secret!” Mingyu whines as he ruffles Jihoon’s hair.

“The secret that he knew you were going to spread to all of us,” Wonwoo chuckles from Mingyu’s other side.

Jihoon catches her eye across the room and she can’t help but smile.

Yep, that flip in his stomach is all the answer he needs. 

He’s ready.

THE END.

GUYS. To all of you who have read the entirety of this fluffy project, thank you. :D I’ve loved reading through comments and tags. They really do make my day. I’m so glad that there have been people who have loved this series as much as I enjoyed writing it. I initially started writing it in 2018 and would just get these little fluffy ideas of what I wanted a relationship to be. Jihoon was kinda just a stand in man for it. BUT then it evolved into its own story that I love. 

I’m probably going to a week off of posting. I have a huge original story that I’ve been playing around with (lol, I actually have like 5, but i’m working on one right now). But I do have another fluffy, Jihoon thing that is mostly done and just needs to be edited at this point (single dad Jihoon anyone?). SO there’s more coming from me. :) 

[the-ice-sculpture]

I’m really tired of seeing thinly (or not so thinly) disguised insults towards anyone who has even a few criticisms of the Loki show. These insults often come with an air of self-believed intellectual superiority and condescension. Whether it’s intended or otherwise, there are underlying implications and insinuations in common arguments I’ve seen a lot of, which basically boils down to the following:

You can’t distinguish between your own personal headcanons and reality = you'll push your own idea of what something should be onto something so much you won’t even be aware of it and you’ll be frustrated when it doesn’t meet those expectations. You don’t have enough self-awareness to tell the difference between what exists in your imagination and what exists in reality (unlike me, who doesn’t need to push any ideas about what I’d like in terms of characterisation because I personally believe the show already happens to reflect that)

You don’t understand the nuance of it = you’re not intelligent enough to think in shades of grey and varying degrees of subtlety and interpret this (the same way I do). Your thinking is shallow and your ability to analyse lacks depth. Regardless of your justification, if you think there are OOC moments, then you’re just failing to pick up on the nuance. You need someone (such as me) to hold your hand and tell you what to think and how to see (what I claim) is really there

You don’t understand how storytelling works = you can’t recognise any devices used and why they’re used. (Unlike me, you’re not clever enough to understand what the show is doing and the purpose of why it’s doing it.) If you criticise some of the execution of the storytelling methods the show has adopted then it can only be from a lack of understanding on your end and nothing else 

You just want the show to be like fanfiction = you’re incapable of wanting different things from fanfiction and canon and you don’t have the intelligence to recognise this. (I know this because I can recognise this and ‘diagnose’ it in other people)

Loki’s obviously acting to trick the TVA/people into underestimating him = it’s idiotic not to interpret this theory that’s currently unconfirmed in canon as of S01E03 the same as me. If you have doubts then you’re incapable of picking up on the clues that (I personally believe) are there

You’re determined to not like the show. You want to tear it apart = all of your opinions and arguments can and should be rendered invalid regardless of your justification. If you don’t like certain aspects then it’s because you never gave the show a fair go to begin with. Therefore, you’re narrowminded and it’s your own fault if you don’t like it/elements of it because you never wanted to like it in the first place. You want to be miserable

You’re all the same = you can’t think for yourself. Each one of you can be generalised to one hivemind-like entity with no variance in opinions or your justification of them and you’ll blindly follow each other without any critical thought. If you express criticism, you’re now an anti. It’s black and white: either you’re completely pro-show or anti-show and there’s no room for anything in between

You’re stuck in the past = if you’re not completely onboard with any tonal and character changes you find jarring then you’re incapable of accepting change. You just want something unimaginative and uncreative and boring (which I might imply reflects your personality)

It’s not until now that Loki’s finally shown in character = people who thought he was in character in previous movies are wrong and aren’t real fans if they don’t accept this. There’s no room for extrapolation from previous movies, and if you do that then you’re just using your own headcanons so you must be wrong about any perceived changes in his character. (But if I extrapolate from previous movies to justify some of the show’s choices with his characterisation, then that’s completely fine)

You’re making your mind up before the whole show is even released = you can’t have any opinions about the show so far until you’ve seen all the episodes. (Unless, like me, you’re happy with the show)

If you’re reading this and are agreeing with the takes on anyone who expresses so much as a few criticisms, then please read the rest of this post.

I want to emphasise that it’s only a fraction and far from all people who like the show who I’ve seen these kind of takes from, and I have nothing against people enjoying the show. It’s only when I see stuff like the claims listed above that I become frustrated.

People will have different takes and interpretations, it’s only natural. No one can call an interpretation of a character and/or how they’re presented objectively wrong or objectively right. But that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable for anyone to resort to insulting others (whether blatantly or through implication) who have opinions that differ to their own.

Just as a thought experiment, let’s try this the other way around, shall we? Let’s imagine that some of the people who aren’t enjoying aspects of the show start spreading posts about the people enjoying it. If this was to occur, there’d probably be posts about how anyone who thinks he’s in character will blindly go along with whatever show creators tell them, that they (the fans of the show) must have never understood the depth of Loki to begin with so they can’t be real fans, that they’re so determined to enjoy the show that they’ll twist the narrative to suit their own needs and desperately invent reasons to accept it... 

I could think of more but I’m going to stop here because, ultimately, it’s not nice, is it? It comes across as a super shitty thing to do for a reason: it is super shitty. 

I hope it goes without saying that I'm not claiming the examples I made up are true. No one should be claiming anything like the things I invented for my thought experiment are true in public, no matter where on the spectrum of opinions on the show they sit. It’s rude and insulting and would contribute greatly towards further fandom division and a toxic environment filled with feelings of hostility over something fictional to begin with. 

No one is intellectually superior for their opinions on a TV show. People can and should feel however they feel about the show. In an ideal world, they should be able to express that without any harassment or being treated in a derogatory manner or made to feel like they have no place in fandom. This goes for negative opinions and positive opinions and anything in between.

I just really wish people would keep their opinions restricted to the content of the show itself rather than reactions to it sometimes for reasons like this. If groups of people can’t do it without feeling the need to make it out like they’re intellectually superior and anyone who expresses opinions that differ to theirs must be stupid then maybe they shouldn’t be doing it at all. Especially when the overwhelming majority of the more critical people go out of their way to tag their stuff so more positive people can avoid it if it gets them down. More critical people don’t have to do it, but the vast majority of the time they do it as a curtesy. It’d be nice if that curtesy wasn’t repaid by being so disrespected.

And please, before piling on someone’s post about how they’re just lacking a nuanced understanding or are applying their own headcanons, maybe consider that your own interpretation of someone’s opinion could be doing precisely the same thing.

One final thing I’m adding as a preventative measure: if your response to reading this is something along the lines of going ‘but some people really can’t distinguish their headcanons from reality!’ then you’ve really missed the point. The point of this post isn’t to debate whether or not every claim is valid (that would have to be a case by case analysis, and it would be so open to interpretation that you could never reach a definitive conclusion anyway, so it’d be pointless). The point is that it’s incredibly rude to publicly insult someone’s intelligence and make up a bunch of condescending assumptions about them based on their opinions. If you’re treating someone or a group of people in real life like that (and yes, if they’re from the internet then they’re still real people) then you’re doing something far worse than the people I’ve seen branded as toxic people for expressing criticisms of fiction.

*For the record, I’m not saying that anyone with criticisms has never said something along the lines of my thought experiment examples. I haven’t seen any of that myself, but I’m not all knowing. I’m just reflecting on what I have seen, and the vast majority of it has come from a fraction of people without (or with far fewer) criticisms of the show. But it’s irrelevant who it comes from, because my point remains the same: it’s shitty regardless of who says it

[rosettahart]

Glass-says: Chapter 17

Chapter 1, Chapter 16

Ao3 link

Summary: The weekend has passed and Virgil hasn't heard anything back from Princey since the masquerade and someone's willing to make a deal.

Warnings: Implied Physical Abuse, Bullying.

Chapter 17

"Has he texted you back yet, Kiddo?" Patton asked, following Virgil and Logan into the sound booth and waving at Roman when he saw he was already there.

Virgil shook his head, collapsing back into a bean bag chair and running a hand through his hair. "He would have texted me back already if he was going to."

"And we haven't seen anyone with dyed red hair all day…" Patton pulled a container of cookies out, opening it and setting it down in the middle of everyone.

"Perhaps it was only a temporary dye, there are other ways you should be able to narrow this down to one person." Logan mentioned, hissing as Roman elbowed him in the side, holding it as he sent a glare Romans way. "Was that absolutely necessary, Roman?"

Roman rolled his eyes. "Oh relax, I didn't hit you that hard."

"Lo, you okay?" Patton rested a hand worriedly on Logan's leg.

Logan schooled his face into a neutral expression but kept his hand where it was, his lip twitching slightly. Out of all the possible places Roman could have nudged him, it had to be in the worst one. "I am alright Patton, Roman merely happened to hit a sore area of my abdomen. I have been physically exerting myself more recently and it seems I happened to push myself further than I should have." 

"Are you sure? Roman and I could go get you something for the soreness."

"Me? Why should I have to come?" Roman protested.

"You know why." Patton returned through his teeth so it'd be harder to understand, nodding his head at Logan.

"Fine." Roman muttered, grabbing a couple of cookies before standing up. He did feel the slightest bit guilty but at the same time how was he supposed to have known Logan was sore? "But I actually want to have time to eat my lunch afterwards."

"It'll only take a few minutes, Kiddo." 

"Seeing as how this is an issue of my own I should go." Logan spoke up as he stood, gritting his teeth. 

"Then we'll all go." Patton smiled.

Virgil pulled out his laptop and headphones. "You guys go ahead. I'll just stay here. I've got things to do." 

"You sure, Kiddo?" Patton checked, his smile fading. 

Virgil popped his headphones on, pulling up the cue for his webcast, not looking up. "Yeah, I'm sure." 

Roman watched Virgil over Patton's shoulder until his ghostly friend started moving. He hesitated. Should he tell Virgil? Should he risk it on the chance it'd make him happy? That it could make him smile? That maybe… He opened his mouth.

"Roman?" 

And risk losing his friends and the roof over his head? "I'm coming." Roman waited a moment before following Patton out. Maybe not...

Virgil sighed as soon as the door was closed behind his friends, not really in the mood to ready the cue for the next day. He leaned back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling when the door opened, he quickly pulled off his headphones when it wasn't who he expected it to be. "I-I tried to ignore him but-" He cleared his throat, trying to keep the nerves from his voice as he stood. "Things came up."

Charlotte motioned for the girls following her to wait outside, letting them close the door for her. "Relax, Virgil." She chuckled, patting his cheek. "I'm not here to hurt you, I promise."

Virgil tensed up uncomfortably regardless of her words. 

"Me and the girls have been hard on you, we haven't been fair." Charlotte slowly began to pace the booth. "Paris is gone, out of the way, she doesn't even go to this school anymore."

Virgil couldn't help but shiver at the almost eerily gentle tone of her voice, uneasy about what Charlotte could have done to make Paris leave.

"You obviously have been trying your best to avoid Roman after our warnings, but maybe…" Charlotte turned to Virgil. "You would do that much better if we could offer something you really wanted in return for staying as far away from Roman as you possibly can."

"An offer?" Virgil lifted his head so he could meet Charlotte's gaze.

"It's hard not to notice how your eyes have gone from person to person, almost as if in search of someone and a friend told me she saw you with someone at the masquerade, someone who may have run off." 

"You know who he is?" Virgil's eyes lit up before he remembered who he was talking to, looking away.

"No, but I know people who can find out." Charlotte tipped his head up with her finger. "But…"

"...I have to stop hanging out with Roman." Virgil's posture sank at the idea. Roman or Princey? Why was he hesitating over it? Why was there a part of him that didn't want to give up spending time with the dumb theatre geek? Why was there a part of him pausing at choosing his crush of a few years and greatest internet friend over someone he still hardly knew anything about?

"And you have to make sure to keep Logan away from him too."

"Logan, but-"

"He's his own person, I know." Charlotte nodded, pulling her hand away. "It's more of a suggestion than part of the deal because if he doesn't stay away from him we'd have to warn him separately and it would be a pain."

Virgil bit his thumb, still unsure about it.

Charlotte sighed. "You want the guy don't you? It's a friend over a boyfriend Virgil. You could have this dreamy guy you danced with, you laughed with, you had fun with, don't you like him, Virgil? Don't you want to find out who he is under that mask? Don't you want to go on dates with him, hold him close and make out him? That's what I want with Roman, Virgil." Her eyes narrowed slightly. "But that's hard to do when his attention is on you and your friend instead of me." She turned her back to him, watching the empty theatre below. "We could both have what we want. We could both be happy. Or you can choose to keep spending time with him while me and some friends continue to make the rest of your high school experience miserable. Some light nudges and poking was nothing Virgil, I have the power to make it much worse."

Virgil bit down harder on his thumb, wincing when he drew blood. He could be happy and he could have Princey. It wasn't worth it to hold onto Roman was it? To put up with the bullying for over another year and a half? "...Okay."

Charlotte spun around with a grin, holding out her hand. "We'll find him by the end of tomorrow."

Virgil gave her hand a weak shake, nodding.

Charlotte moved over to the door, stopping with her hand on the handle, voice dropping. "But if you break the deal there will be consequences."

Virgil stayed as he was for some time after Charlotte left, eyes staying on the door. He was going to see Princey again… He was going to know who he was, what he looked like, why he had- Why he had run off that night... Did he want to know?

"I just want one look so I know how bad it is, Lo."

"I appreciate your concern, Patton, but as I have said previously you would not see anything as my muscles are in pain due to the overexertion, there would be no bruising." Logan returned. "The pain medication will begin taking its effect soon so there is no reason to worry."

Patton gave a little nod in understanding, wishing there was more that he could do. Noticing Virgil was standing the ghost smiled, but his smile faltered when he realized his friend was just staring unfocused somewhere behind him. "Kiddo?"

Virgil snapped out of it. "Sorry I just remembered I have an assignment I need to check out a book for." He gathered up his things, zipping up his bag.

"We could come with you." Roman offered, moving to grab his backpack.

"No, you and Patton stay." Virgil glanced at Roman for a brief second before turning to Logan. "Could you come help me pick out a book?"

"Of course." Logan slung his bag over his shoulder carefully. "What is it your assignment is on?"

Roman turned to Patton, eyebrows furrowed. "Was that off to you?"

"He probably just needs to focus." Patton offered with uncertainty. "He just needs some quiet time."

Roman took a seat, fidgeting with the straps on his bag. "Do you think he's mad at Princey?" 

"Mad? Why would Virge be mad?" Patton sat beside him, leaning against him as he watched his kiddo's hands.

"He ran away. They had an amazing night together and then Princey ruined it all and disappeared. He won't even text Virgil back."

"V's not mad. He knows Princey was hesitant to meet him, he's just upset he might have scared him away by taking things too fast." 

"He shouldn't be upset with himself, it's Princey's fault!" Roman exclaimed, swiftly getting back up onto his feet, pointing at the door. "Princey should have stayed, should have taken off his own mask and should have faced Virgil instead of leaving him like this to feel miserable. He's an idiotic coward, he's-"

"Don't talk about him like that!" Patton pushed Roman's hand down. "Princeys been there for Virgil through the times I couldn't be, he spent hours and hours up into the night with him until he was okay. He cheered on my Kiddo from practically the very beginning of the webcast, boosting his confidence. He's Virgil's best friend and people get scared. They get nervous, Ro, everyone does. Princey just wasn't ready."

Roman's lip quivered and Patton wordlessly pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back as the thespian struggled not to full on cry. 

He needed to tell Virgil he was Princey.

Chapter 18

Authors Notes: Thought I'd actually update this here too so here it is and hope you enjoy. -Danielle

Taglist:

@kittiebrick

@absolutesandersidestrash

[oneofthemillionarmy]

The Impossible Order | Ch.2

Summary line: Mr. Min is a stoic boss who will never outwardly show appreciation for you. Not until you’re gone does he recognize how much you do. And what you do matters to him.

ceo!Yoongi | best.friend!Hoseok | romance, fluff, angst, and stuff

Loosely inspired by Secretary Kim and this third bullet point of the prompt list

Last chapter

~•~

Last night, one of the Peruvian suppliers was able to promise 250 ct worth of tourmaline, but it would be delivered in two weeks rather than the originally intended week and a half. Knowing your boss is one for deadlines and punctuality, you believe he’d prefer Hestia Sourcing. Despite your own gut telling you that Peruvian Treasures will pay off in the long run. Regardless of the turnaround time from your main supplier, the 200 ct in two weeks will keep the remaining four projects afloat before the regular shipment. However, you still report the remaining two supplier response and quotes, also providing your own input. Mr. Min says he prefers Hestia; as expected.

“How goes the status on our tourmaline crisis?” Mr. Min asks as he sips on his third cup of coffee this morning.

“Hestia Sourcing has already been officially contacted for their shipment of tourmaline to arrive in a week and a half. Jimin is currently working with Kim Taehyung on the new design for the frame. Seokjin has already crafted two other designs for you to look at today before he meets with Yoo Jae Suk tomorrow. Beyoncé loves alexandrite, but the tourmaline was intended to match with her costumer designer’s vision for the Met Gala, so he’s unwilling to make changes. Your father had already ok’d the change for your parent’s anniversary gift, so we can switch their gemstones with alexandrite instead. The JP team has already started working on the mold for the Jubilee. And marketing just emailed me the final draft for the letter to the customers and PR is still working with marketing for the ethically sourced advertisement. They are utilizing internet ad platforms, both short clip video ads and on social media.” You handed him your tablet for him to read over the final draft letter and Seokjin’s designs.

“Tell marketing to go ahead with the letter. Also, tell Seokjin that I would also like to see his first design with silver instead of rose gold.”

“Yes, Mr. Min.”

“Today I’m meeting with Jasper and Jester Industries over Zoom at 12:30. Tell the tech team I want to use the hologram projector during this meeting because we’re showing them the prototype today. Speaking of prototype, I need to see the prototype from the TP team by 10. Go to L’Orange today for lunch today; I want the lamb chops. James and Soobin will be coming at 1:30 to go over the purchasing of the mine sites for the cobalt mining. Check back in with me at 2 on the Kim Taehyung project and the marketing strategy. I want to see Seokjin’s new designs by 3. And check with our supply team if we’re maintaining our upkeep of inventory. If not, I need a list before 11 this morning along with suppliers’ response for turnaround time and quotes.”

“Yes, Mr. Min.” You had your hands clasped behind your back the entire time.

“Another coffee please.”

“Yes, Mr. Min.” Without another word, you step out and take out your recorder. You play back his directives as you get the coffee.

~•~

“Hey, Hoseok.” You sigh as you pour hot water into your instant noodle bowl for lunch.

“Hey, Sunshine.” You chuckle. If the either of you were the sunshine, it’d be him.

“How’s Yeontan?”

“He’s fine. The vet says that he’s a little underfed, but otherwise, he’s still the most adorable Yeontan-ie that has ever lived.” Hoseok gushes at the puppy in his lap as he drives on his way back to his home. Hoseok will be holding onto Yeontan until the weekend.

“Ok. That’s good news. Was he good at the vet?”

“He hates the vet. You should know that better than I do. I was a dog catcher for 30 minutes. And he caused a whole waiting room full of dogs into a frenzy. Did you know that one of the people there brought their snake? I hate those. Yeontan almost fought a snake! You have no idea how hard it was for me to finally grab Yeontan before anything drastic happened.” You laugh as he goes on about his heroic deed of saving your pup from a snake.

“You did very well. Thank you, Hoseok.”

“Never mind that, Blessings. Hey. Are you coming over today after work?”

“I might. My boss has been very extra today. Every ten minutes, his chat bubble pops up adding 3 more things to do. But honestly, with the amount of things going on today, he shouldn’t have anything else left to do tonight. I might actually get off work on time.

“Good. Good. ‘Cause I was thinking –“ before Hoseok can finish his words, you hear the sound of a car swerve.

“Hoseok? You ok?”

“Yeah. Some idiot w-“ and the line cut off.

~•~

At 12:15, you were nowhere to be found. You left a message to Yoongi that you had to take the day off. Everything you were requested to do was already set in motion like a Rube Goldberg machine. You texted him saying that there are cups and cups of coffee in the fridge ready for him. If he wants hot, he’ll have to wait another day. And as promised, everything Yoongi needed was here. He had everything he needed. You just weren’t there to provide it.

“Where’s Y/N?” Seokjin asks as he comes in at 3pm like clockwork, “I would’ve thought she’d give me that 20-minute warning like she always does when I have a meeting with you.” She does that?

“I don’t know. She took a half day. I haven’t seen her since 11 or something.” Yoongi says nonchalantly as he looks over the Seokjin’s work. Seokjin just blinks at that before he starts slowly, “That’s not like her. Is everything ok? Do you know what happened?”

“No.”

“It’s just not like her to –“

“I like it better in silver this way.” Yoongi cuts him off, gesturing to the new designs.

“Heh. Yeah, Y/N said you would. I wanted to show you the rose gold one first anyway.” Seokjin chuckles as he sits down across the table from him, “Speaking of Y/N,” I wasn’t speaking about her…, “You got the supplies list for JP, TP, and HP, right? She told me you were working with the cobalt mine sites today. She told me to tell you that since cobalt is one of the supplies on the list, and the mine site wouldn’t be ready just yet, she contacted 3 different cobalt miners and selected Arrows for the cobalt supply.”

“She should’ve come to me first about the different miners. We have our upcoming product from HP –“

“The ceramic tiles for Ms. James’ bathroom. Yeah. She contacted HP. They require 300 g and Arrows is the only one with the adequate amount of supply. It will be here in 5 days.” Seokjin stands up and walks over to Yoongi’s kitchen, “All the other suppliers have been contacted. She sent me the list and wants me to report it to you.”

“You’re just a designer for the jewelry department,” Yoongi says as he looks through his email to see if you sent him any recent emails. Nothing.

“Give me some credit. I’ve got a brain and it’s used for more than just designing. Don’t forget, before I was a designer, I was also your assistant too.”

“Yeah, a pretty bad one.” Yoongi snorts. It’s why he needed you.

“We were just a startup! We literally just graduated then.” Seokjin protests as he come back over and sets down a steaming hot cup of coffee in front of Yoongi.

“I thought Y/N only had iced ones left.”

“She did, but she instructed me to heat up one for you before we go over the list with you.” Seokjin scoots his chair closer as he whips out his tablet to bring up the supplies list, “And one for after.”

~•~

“Mr. Jung has suffered a serious blow to the head and is currently unconscious. We don’t know when he will wake at this point. His left arm has scarring from the glass shatters from the window when the car was impacted. His left leg has a hairline fracture and the patella was dislocated but has already been set back. Luckily, his left leg is the worst of the limbs. There’s bruising on the right thigh and right elbow also has bruising. The bruises are likely from holding on to the dog during impact. His right arm has some muscle tears do to strain.

“Right now, our biggest concern is when he will wake up. He had internal bleeding in the brain but the blood has been removed and there’s no clotting, in his brain or anywhere near his spine. Everything is where it needs to be, and there’s nothing that indicated long term brain damage or trauma. But we won’t know for sure until he wakes up.” The doctor nods his head and leaves.

You sniff as you cross your arms, staring at your best friend lying in the hospital bed. His head is wrapped as well as his left arm. His left leg is currently suspended in its cast. By his left eyes and cheeks, are massive bruises that still look sticky and gooey.

If only I didn’t let him take Yeontan…

“How’s my dog?”

“We checked in with the vet hospital nearby. Your dog has no extreme injuries, only mild bruising. The doctor wants him to stay overnight for observation.” The nurse reports to you. You shiver from the lonely air of the hospital.

“You can go in and see the patient right now, but please do not touch him. And visiting hours will be over in 40 minutes.” The nurse gently reminds you before you nod, thanking the nurse and heading in.

Walking towards Hoseok, your nose feels the burn as tears well up in your eyes. Before you even reach Hoseok’s bed, the tears already overflow out.

“I’m so sorry Hoseok. This is my fault.” And he’s a dancer too…oh my God, he’s a dancer….his limbs…

Your tears quickly turn into hysterical sobs, thinking too many things at once. Your greatest prayer is that he wakes up and he is completely healed. You start hyperventilating so you sit down and take deep breaths.

Although you were instructed not to touch him, you couldn’t resist to at least clutch to the hospital blankets next to his right hand, your knuckles touching each other’s.

“Please wake up, Hoseok. I’ll never have you do anything else for me. I’m sorry if I ever took advantage of you. Please know that I never once took you for granted. You are my dearest friend and I don’t want anyone else for a best friend. I promise to hug you more. I promise to cook for you. I’ll do it at your house. You don’t have to come to mine. I’ll clean up my mess after too. I’m here for you, I promise. I really am. I’m not leaving you, I swear to God. Please just wake up and be ok. You’re gonna be ok. I promise.” You turn to look to the hospital window to make sure no one sees you. You grab his right hand and lean down to kiss it, “Please wake up.”

Your phone in your pocket vibrates and you take it out.

The board members meeting is tomorrow at 8am. Please gather the data and reports from the teams ready by 6am. I will look over it before the meeting.

“Fuck you. No. Not now.” You grit your teeth and put the phone back in the pocket.

Your tears are both sad and angry now, but you know you need to calm down. Nothing drastic.

You take a couple deep breaths before you wipe your tears and take your phone out again to write an email. You look up as you think for a moment. Make that three.

Next chapter

[lylethewateraquaticguy]

I’m sorry for bringing this back up, I really don’t mean to harp on it but I just need to get some things off my mind.

Y’all remember 2 weeks ago when a kid went and riled up their friends to publicly and privately attack me (whilst privately planning in their discord on sending death threats) all because I accused them of pretending like they drew something that they didn’t? Well I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, for a few different reasons.

1, After this all happened some of the people started sending some (on second thought) half-assed apologies. One of them said, and I’m paraphrasing here, “I hope you can get past what my friend group has done to you”. And that just confuses the shit out of me. Pardon my language but what the fuck is that supposed to mean? You clearly know that this is something really terrible that can (and did) fuck someones mental health up and your response is “Sorry that my friends suck ass. Still gonna be friends with them though. Even though this is clearly an insanely unhealthy friendship if we’re ready, willing, and excited to gang up on and absolutely destroy one individual because they made a fair observation uwu”. 

I might just be sensitive, and don’t get me wrong I definitely am, but if I was friends with someone and I found myself doing this to someone else I wouldn’t be friends with that person anymore. It’s insane how these kids were manipulated by one person into doing something awful and they’re just like “whoops we went a little overboard there, oh well hope you’re not permanently traumatised by what I did to you! Bye bye” and go back to the way things were before. And speaking of manipulation…

2, It’s truly insane to me how someone can be so incredibly heartless that they continuously and repeatedly steal other peoples content (or in this case an AI apps content), and when someone calls them out on it they rally their friends to go attack that person, whilst planning in a group chat on sending actual fucking death threats, and then just delete their account and start over again. All the while they’re trying to spin this narrative that they’re the victim. 

A few months ago this kid stole several of my GIFs. I didn’t say anything cause I couldn’t be bothered (I thought “they’re a kid, this happens, who cares”). They then kept coming up in my feed because I was following a certain tag and they’re one of those annoying people posting everything in every single tag possible regardless of relevance. Pretty much all of their posts were very obviously not theirs. A bunch of memes and alignment charts, the quality of which looked like they had been to hell and back, that they claimed they made themselves (even though I had seen some of them months prior). They then started posting obviously fake “drawings” and that annoyed me even more but I didn’t say anything because they said they’ll stop (though they’d stop because “people keep saying my art is fake uwu”). Then they posted a “drawing” again and that’s when I got fed up and went and got the evidence that they were lying. 

But here’s the thing: a while back they apologised for stealing my GIFs (I never even contacted them so idk why) but it was a very telling apology. They basically said “I’m sorry, I didn’t know they were yours” … but you knew they weren’t yours, didn’t you? I don’t give a shit if I’m the one you’re stealing from, stealing is bad regardless. This person has also stolen art, deleted their account, and started over again once before. And at some point the “I’m a kid, I don’t know any better” defence starts to wear thin. You know better. You know you’re a manipulative asshole who hurts people and you could easily stop. And what terrifies me is that they won’t. The fact that there are people in the world who can do all this and still think they’re in the right absolutely terrifies me and this whole experience has done more to make me lose hope in humanity than all the rest of 2020 combined.

3, The last reason why I can’t stop thinking about this is because it seriously fucked up my mental health. Now don’t get me wrong I wasn’t doing great before, but this has certainly made it way way worse. And I can say, with absolute certainty, that the only reason why I haven’t done anything drastic because of this (and you know what I mean by that) is because I’ve been at rock bottom. I am at rock bottom. If I was gonna do something like that (at this time) I would’ve done it already. But I can say that if this had happened when I was their age (13) or if I was slightly more stable (stable enough to truly care) then this would’ve absolutely devastated me and I cannot say for certain that I would’ve been alive right now. And that is the reason why this has affected me so much. 

What they (and their friends) did to me doesn’t affect me but the fact that those people are willing to do that, that they are willing to play with someone elses actual fucking life like that, is terrifying to me. And I am so insanely happy that I (at the point I’m at now) was the one on the receiving end of this because this very well could’ve actually destroyed if not ended someones life. I know this sounds dramatic but I’m being completely serious right now. My mental health started dropping when the virus started but then it (my mental health that is) started levelling out and I was doing okay. Until two weeks ago. That was just one morning of constant stress and feeling like I was all alone being attacked with no chance of actually changing their minds (because they refused to listen to me). But that morning was all it took to start pulling me back downwards again. And to be clear: when I say that I haven’t done anything drastic I mean I haven’t done anything drastic. Not that I haven’t thought about it. I would never do that over something as small as a bunch of naive little kids acting like idiots. But something as small as that can cause a ripple affect. It can create a hole in a boat that, whilst not enough on its own, together with other shit (2020) can cause the boat to sink.

I don’t know where I’m going with this, I guess I just needed to get these thoughts out. But if I can leave you with three lessons from this it’s these:

If being in a certain friend group causes you to do (harmful) things you normally wouldn’t then they are not good friends and you should haul ass out of that friendship. The victim doesn’t actually have to be a part of the relationship for a relationship to be abusive.

There are always going to be people in the world like this kid, people who hurt others without care, but that doesn’t mean you have to contribute to it. I’ve said this before but “this is just the way the world works” isn’t a valid excuse not to call out people on their shitty behaviour. (Like I should’ve called out this kid earlier)

There is no distinction between the internet and the real world. This is the real world. Just because you can’t see me doesn’t mean I’m not real, and it doesn’t mean your actions can’t have very real consequences. Do not under any circumstances play with others mental health like this. If you meet someone who is willing to hurt others like this then run in the other direction. And if you find yourself becoming that type of person then fix yourself. This type of trigger happy attack-first-and-decide-if-you-need-to-apologise-later internet culture is not only harmful but deadly and y’all need to stop.

[lordcharles01]

D&D Diversity Ramblings

I guess I'll open this by saying if I upset anybody with anything, that’s definitely not the intention. More intended to just be a ramble into the void on my thoughts about some of what was posted recently. (that probably sounds more ominous than it is, as overall I agree with the sentiment.)

So dropping the one big thing I’ll argue against, is the change to orcs and drow across the board. Naturally time will tell on if any of this is relevant but I like these two as they are. I like that there are versions of orcs that are just brutal combat driven religious fanatics, and I like there are versions that have all the complexity that one otherwise expects from a Shakespearean play. Similarly with drow, they range from just another variety of elf to a matriarchal society living underground with a deeps seeded hatred of the world above with undying dedication to their god Lolth. As a DM i feel both of these things have their place. There’s a lot to be said for having an enemy in your toolbox that needs no reason to be a terror on the roads during travel, and one that can be built with ranks, a hierarchy and be played strategically.

When it comes to drow, that’s actually one I’m kinda confused about. Drow society has been fleshed out significantly over the years with many characters of differing alignments coming from that species so that leaves me with a bit of confusion. I know there is an argument that has basis in these races being caricatures and stereotypes of real world people and because of that these need to change and that’s a very valid point. I also think it’s worth considering what changes have been made over the years, and when we can look at fantasy creatures as something of make believe. It’s not a be-all-end-all person x is right and person y is wrong, it’s a conversation.

The racial bonus controversy is one I overall don’t get. I’ve always felt this is just a component of the game and that it provides additional incentive to try another race out as opposed to just having it be a flavored meat sack I wear. Plus D&D is usually less, this one’s the black one, this is the white one, this one is in-between, and more like different species.  I’ll reserve judgement for my thoughts on how it’s done, if it’s good or bad until this is released. I will just say i hope it’s something to add mechanically as a background as opposed to outright replacement. being able to say that a character has their hill dwarf stats and studied at a far away arcane sanctum to master the arts and gets a +2 to intelligence in addition strikes me as far more interesting than something to just saying pick a stat to get +2 in and pick a stat to get +1 in. I can already do that by talking to the dm without dropping 50 bucks on your newest rule book, thank-you. Side note to not bitch about something, can we all just be happy for the briefest of moments that it sounds like we’re finally getting something akin to Xanathar’s guide 2.0? We need more of that, like a lot more of that.

Going down the list otherwise, fixing insensitive language is a yup, like... I’m not sure how one argues that. If ya do then... well you’re kinda an asshole. The whole Vistani thing is kinda a meh to me... I won’t argue against the change, if it’s upsetting to people then yeah, let’s make it better. I kinda wanna see the changes they’re hinting at before I drop anything on if I like the new material better than the old, as far as a gameplay and fictional culture goes. I think what a lot of people won’t get is the term gypsy is a slur when referring to Romani people specifically, and not just the general aesthetic that comes to mind of someone who has had to watch the Disney version of Hunchback of Notre Dame one too many times. (The fact the text editor recognizes the slur and not the proper nationality I feel is proof of the disconnect. Seriously, can i go on a minor disconnected tangent about how Romani is suggested to be Romaine. I’m talking about people from a specific country and the editor wants me to talk about salad. This fucker is also insistent that that shit be capitalized, like that one type of salad component is very very important. Piss off text editor, I like iceberg better!!!)

So um... yeah if you stuck through that till the end, um... thanks for giving me a read. I don’t normally like posting things like this because it’s way too easy to give the wrong impression or for the tone to be off when reading as opposed to as-intended during writing. I like conversation so if i upset anyone feel free to uh... well strike up the conversation on the topic. I’m fairly certain most of us want the same thing, we just have different ideas of how to get there, and really this is just an idiot rambling... like an idiot.

TLDR: I think orcs and drow are in a good place currently with multiple interpretations across different worlds being able to be more in depth and “human” characters as well as having a more brutal version for DM’s to pull from in the arsenal and outright removal of either of these is less beneficial overall. I think racial bonuses should be added on to and not replaced outright, but we’ll see how that goes before bitching like a whining child again. I want a term that gets the pop-culture aesthetic that gypsy conjures without the racial connotation. It’s good that we’re bringing on proper support from within communities when accuracy is desired. I’m an idiot rambling on the internet like he actually matters for anything, and regardless a fuck ton of people in metric quantity will still be pissed at me for one reason or another, and I thank you for reading this massive fucking wall of text.

[mymarvelbunch]

Be Your Own Hero - Steve Rogers x Reader (part 9)

Masterlist

Summary:  You’ve lost all your family and most friends in The Decimation. Refusing to believe their deaths are permanent, you dedicate years to find a way to reverse it. Upon finding something that might help, you search for the Avengers’ help. It’s Steve Rogers x Reader, but in reality it’s mostly Badass!Reader. Also, Non-American!Reader

Warnings: mild language.

Note: Y/Co = your country. Y/Ci = your city; Y/N/L = your native language.

Previously: All exhaustion from the day (God, it all been only a day) overwhelmed you as Steve took you to... a room. Your eyes couldn’t keep themselves open enough for you to see if it was yours or not. You felt yourself being laid down on a bed, but couldn’t bring yourself to let go of Steve just yet. He was so warm... “Y/N?”, he prompted. “You’re warm”, you said simply. “Warm...”, and darkness came again, but this time you welcomed it.

Part Nine

You woke up in the middle of the night with an urgent need to pee.

Your mentally cursed your bladder. There you were, in the dreamless sleep you had so desperately longed for, and now you knew you wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep unless you went to bathroom. Sighing, you tried to stand up, only to find yourself stuck by a pair of arms. Only then you realized your heard wasn’t rested on a pillow, but on someone.

That someone being Steve Rogers.

Your breath quickened. How did that happen? You barely remembered what happened after arriving back on your own timeline, only that Steve had been the one to take you. You couldn’t remember falling asleep at all, exhausted as you were.

Well, you were still too tired to think. Careful not to wake him up, you disentangled yourself from him and crawled out of bed. Fortunately, the room you were in was attached to its own bathroom. You didn’t want to wander around the place.

Relief washed over you as you finally managed to pee. Silently as you came, you left, crawled back to bed and rested your head on an actual pillow. As much as Steve made a great fake one, you wouldn’t dare to use him again, no matter how much you wanted to.

.

When you woke up again, the sun had already risen, and Steve was no longer there. You instantly felt yourself colder, but before you could mentally scold yourself, Steve showed up from the bathroom, toothbrush in hand. “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty”, he greeted, and you were positive you were blushing.

“Is that movie even from your time?”, you teased instead of actually replying. It was crazy; you had gotten used to tease Captain America of all people.

Then again, you two spent a month training together for almost 24/7, and shared a bed now. Teasing shouldn’t be surprising.

“The Disney movie? No, it isn’t. But you do know Sleeping Beauty is an old fairy tale, right?”, he replied with a grin.

“Oh, I forgot”, you said sincerely. “My brain hasn’t completely woken up yet.”

“Mine either, to be honest”, he said, yawning. “Woke up twenty minutes before you, and almost couldn’t get out of bed. God, yesterday was exhausting.”

“Yeah.” You yawned back. “Pretty sure that day lasted more than 24 hours for us. Haven’t been this tired since I got out of my mom.”

He snorted and laughed at that. You giggled, unable to restrain yourself. His laugh sounded like music to your ears, as cliche as that sentence sounded.

“I don’t think even pre-serum me has ever felt this tired”, he replied. “But my super solder stomach woke me up begging for food. Want me to get something for you?”

You shook your head. “I just want a couple more hours of sleep. Can I stay here?” Now that your eyes were fully open, you could attest this wasn’t your room. (Or rather, Scarlet Witch’s.)

“Of course you can. See you later”, that said, he left the room, closing the door. A part of you wanted to melt at his kindness, but the rest of you just wanted to close your eyes and fall back asleep, and so you did.

.

Intermission: Steve’s POV

When he got in the kitchen, only Bucky was there. He had faintly heard the others arriving back the Headquarters, but he didn’t muster the energy to leave his room to greet them. You had fallen asleep still in his arms, and he laid down to try to disentangle you from him so he could sleep on the floor. However, he had underestimated his exhaustion; he fell asleep as soon as he felt the mattress on his back.

Not that he was complaining. It had been the best sleep he had gotten in years, and he was pretty sure your presence had something to do with it - even though you were no longer in his arms when he woke up, he smiled like an idiot upon seeing your sleeping self, wondering what it would be like if he woke up every morning like this.

Calm the fuck down, Rogers, he thought to himself. He was being almost as worse than he was with Peggy after two years knowing each other. He had met you a month ago, for fuck’s sake.

“Is everyone still sleeping?”, he asked his best friend, who was eating a pair of toasts.

“If you mean everyone who stayed here, yes”, he replied. “All aliens went back home, including the Asgardians, which seem to have moved to... Norway, I think?” Steve nodded to indicate he guessed right. “Anyway, T’Challa, Okoye and Shuri went back to Wakanda through the wizard’s sling rings. Asked if I was going too, but I decided to at least wait for you.”

“I appreciate. I’ve missed you, buddy.” He side hugged his friend, who returned the gesture.

“Wish I could say the same”, he said. “But I didn’t even know three years had passed when I woke up. It felt like I had tripped and got knocked out for a couple minutes.”

Steve frowned, trying to remember how exactly did Bucky vanish. Then he snorted. “You fell face on the floor when you got dusted”, he said.

“Woke up facing the mud”, Bucky groaned. “Yeah, laugh all you want, you punk.”

“Jerk”, he replied immediately. “Anyway, what happened in Asgard after I left? You guys took a whole minute to come back. I heard.”

Bucky took another bite of toast before answering. “We managed to get rid of the rest of Thanos’ allies, either by killing them or just kicking them out of the planet for good. When everyone was about to leave, Loki and the green woman - Gamora, I think - asked to come to 2021 with us. Someone - not Tony - had the idea of bringing extra suits in case of failure, so we wouldn’t have a repeat of what happened to Y/N, and gave them to the two. But Thor told Loki that he had to stay and help his past self to defeat their sister Hela, who would come after Odin’s death to seek revenge and destruction. Loki then summoned Odin somehow, and they asked who wanted to help destroy Hela while Odin was still alive. I didn’t, so I came back, along with Sam, Rhodey, Tony and others.

“Some of the magically powerful ones stayed, and came back a few seconds later than us. Long story short, Hela was killed for good, in a cruel manner if you ask me - I’d rather spare you of the details the Asgardians so proudly told us -, Odin took the throne back, someone brought past Valkyrie to be trained for King, and Loki and Gamora came here. Thor is really happy, and Loki is worried by his brother’s looks, I think.”

“He had gone through some hard times, Buck”, Steve defended his teammate and friend. “It’s hard to describe when you weren’t here to see.”

Bucky nodded, and silence fell between the two. It was short-lived, though. “So, you got a girlfriend while I was away?”

He sighed. “Y/N is not my girlfriend, for starters, and I met her a month ago. You heard about it in the debrief before we went to rescue her.”

“Oh, that was a bad summary”, he complained. “I want the good quality content.”

Steve sighed, and told him all about the month spent with you, all while trying to keep his heart rate down and prepare his breakfast.

“You’ve got it bad, my man”, Bucky said in the end. “You should try to make a move, though. If you managed to fall for her in the span of a month, she might have at least a... what do they call now? Ah, a crush.”

“I might”, he replied after taking his first bite of food. “When we are all rested. I’m still not entirely sure if it’s a good idea, though. She is most likely going back to Y/Co to reunite with her family. That was the reason she came here, after all.”

A short silence. “You could follow her”, Bucky suggested quietly. “Personally, I think it’s about goddamn time Captain American retires, regardless of where you end up.”

There was no possible reply to that, so Steve kept his mouth shut and ate his breakfast.

.

Back to reader’s POV

According to an old digital clock in Steve’s room, it was nearly noon when you woke up for good. Your stomach seemed to agree it was lunch time.

After trying to make yourself minimally presentable, you headed to the kitchen, hoping to find something there. A lot of people were gathered inside, seemingly trying to cook lunch with varying degrees of success.

“Hey, Y/N!”, Natasha greeted you, holding a frying pan. “Lunch will be ready soon, make yourself at home!”

Steve smiled and waved at you. Stark, Potts, Barton, Danvers, Scott and Rhodes greeted you normally, while others introduced themselves: Sam Wilson (aka the Falcon), Hope Van Dyne (aka the Wasp, though you didn’t know that), Maria Hill, Nick Fury (who was just sitting around, actually), Peter Parker (aka Spider-Man), Wanda Maximov (aka Scarlet Witch) and... Bucky Barnes?

“Uh, with all due respect, weren’t you dead?”, you said bluntly.

He frowned. “I thought my identity was public knowledge”, he replied innocently.

“It might be the case in Wakanda”, Steve said, “but the files Natasha leaked don’t have any mention on the Winter Soldier’s civilian name.”

“There were theories on the internet”, you added, “but no one gave them credit, to be honest. Even after finding out HYDRA had developed the serum, nobody believed they had run tests as early as in World War II.”

“It makes sense”, Barnes said after a while. “They did try to strip me of my identity. There was no reason for my name to be written down. Anyway, it’s nice to meet you, Y/N Y/L/N. My buddy here has told me all about you.”

There was a glint in his eyes you couldn’t read into. “I hope all good things”, you replied. “Where is the rest?”

“Bruce is at med bay”, Natasha answered. “Taking care of his burnt arm. We still don’t know if it’ll heal.”

“Thor and the Asgardians went back to Norway”, Danvers added. “And the Guardians of the Galaxy took their spaceship and went... somewhere. I might leave soon too, after I visit some friends.”

“Strange went back to work”, Stark said. “Guy never rests. And Morgan is with a nanny Pepper hired at last minute. Did Happy already go to get her?”

“He left fifteen minutes ago, sir”, the disembodied voice you knew as FRIDAY answered.

“Great. We have a lot to celebrate after lunch.”

“And a job”, Steve replied. “Someone has to get the Infinity Stones back to their timelines.”

“True”, Scott agreed. “Who’s going to do it, by the way?”

.

That job fell into yours and Steve’s hands in the end. Or rather, it fell into Steve’s hands and you offered yourself to go along, not only because you wanted to travel across time and space once more, you wanted as much time as possible with him.

Working with the Avengers had been wonderful. Not only you successfully brought everyone back, you got to meet a lot of heroes from Earth and from space. There was a minor setback (okay, maybe the threat to your life wasn’t ‘minor’) but everything worked out in the end.

But you supposed it was time for goodbyes. You weren’t really suited for a hero’s life; you just wanted to go back to normal, with your family and friends by your side. However, you couldn’t say you wouldn’t miss the friends you had made.

Especially Steve. Your feelings for him only grew in the past weeks, and you were half sure you were in love. You were certain you weren’t meant to be, though. Steve was a man out of his time, and many of your talks showed that he still missed the past deeply. He carried a compass with Peggy Carter’s picture inside! If that wasn’t proof that he longed for the life he lost when he crashed the plane, you didn’t know what it was.

By nighttime, you two were suited up, carrying three Stones in each hand. The Mind Stone was back to the Scepter, the Time Stone was held inside a pendant, and the Power Stone was inside an orb, but no one managed to rebuild the Tesseract that held the Space Stone. Soul and Reality didn’t need anything else with them.

“Okay, let’s review one last time”, Stark said as he turned the time heist on. “Mind and Space Stones go back to New York in 2012. Time goes back to 2017 Strange, also in New York. Power is sent back to Morag, 2014. Soul and Reality to 2018. We all agree it’s too dangerous to send them back to Titan, right? So we take Soul back to Vormir and Reality to Knowhere.”

You and Steve nodded. Once again, you carried extra suits, timers and Pym Particles. Better to be safe than sorry.

“Okay, then. On 3... 2... 1...”

Stark Tower, 2012

The main hall was nearly empty. “Where is everybody?”, you asked Steve.

“Anywhere but here”, he replied. “Everyone got busy after the battle. HYDRA’s trying to retrieve the Scepter and the Tesseract, SHIELD agents are doing the same while evaluating Loki, and we are wrapping everything up.”

You nodded. The Scepter was in your hands. “Are we sure we should hand both of these back? From what you guys told me, these Stones will only bring more problems in the future.”

He turned to you with a thoughtful expression. “What do you suggest?”

You took the Mind Stone out of the Scepter. “Let’s switch Stones and throw Mind in the elevator shaft. It barely glows, so it will take quite a while for them to find it.”

You turned to him to get the Space Stone. He had a mischievous smile on his face. “I like the way you think, Y/N”, he said, handing you the Stone. You placed it on the Scepter. Then, as the elevator doors opened, you threw the other down. You and Steve were quietly laughing as you got in and waited to arrive at the floor the Avengers would be at.

When the doors opened, things were way more chaotic than you expected. Grinning, you simply threw the Scepter on the floor. “Let’s just suit up and go”, you suggested. He nodded, and you both left.

New York, 2017

This looks like a mansion”, Steve commented while standing in front of the Sanctum.

“The Sanctum in Y/Ci is much more modest”, you replied. “It was disguised as a tarot reading shop. Anyway, let’s get in. Strange must be waiting for us.” You knocked. Steve was the one holding the pendant with the Time Stone, ready to show it when needed.

It was Wong who opened the door. It was odd to see him and not be able to greet him like you would had you saw him in 2021. This Wong had never met you. “Oh, you came with the Eye of Agamotto”, he said. “Come in.”

Strange showed up soon after, coming from a random room. “Captain Rogers, Miss Y/L/N”, he greeted. “Thank you for returning the Stone to me.”

Steve handed him the pendant. “Before we go”, you said, “may I use the bathroom?”

“Of course”, Strange replied politely. “Captain, I have something for you in the meantime.”

After coming back from the bathroom, you tried to ask Steve what did Strange give you, but he simply waved it off. “I’ll tell you when we’re done.” You bid your farewells to Strange and Wong, and activated your suits.

Vormir, 2018

You could smell death all around the planet. “What kind of planet is this?”, you whispered quietly to yourself.

“Let’s just deliver the Soul Stone and get out of here”, Steve said, probably just as tense as you were.

“I was thinking”, you replied. “We could let the Reality Stone here too. Buried under the sand, like we plan to do with the Power Stone.”

He frowned. “Why?”

“It’ll make it harder for Thanos—or anyone else—to find it. People come here to find the Soul Stone. Nobody will think of looking for another.”

He nodded and opened his mouth to speak, but a voice stopped him. “Y/N, daughter of [your father’s first name]. Steve, son of Sarah.”

You both turned to see a floating red creature wearing a black robe. “Red Skull?!”, Steve exclaimed. “What the hell are you doing here? I thought the Tesseract had absorbed you.”

‘The Tesseract had what?’, you thought incredulously.

The red-faced man answered, “The Space Stone cast me out, banished me here, guiding others to a treasure I cannot possess. But it seems that you came to return it, instead.”

“Yes”, you replied, ignoring the fact that Steve apparently knew this guy. “We have no more use for it.”

“Alright, then”, ‘Red Skull’ said. “Follow me.”

And so they did. He led them to a cliff. “Normally, this is where you sacrifice one which you love to acquire the Stone. However, in your case, it is where you will return it.”

“I knew it!”, you mumbled. A sacrifice was needed to get the Soul Stone, and this was how Thanos had killed Gamora.

Without hesitating, you threw both Stones down the cliff. “What have you done?”, Red Skull asked, his voice tone unreadable. “The Reality Stone cannot be acquired through the sacrifice.”

“That’s the point, Sunburn”, you replied with a grin.

“Well, it was nice seeing you again, Schimdt”, Steve said with a tone that pointed it hadn’t been nice at all, “but we have more work t—“

He was interrupted by an orange glow. Something floated up to them and fell on the cliff’s edge. When the glow faded, you immediately recognized Gamora.

“A soul for a soul”, you heard Red Skull say as Gamora stood up. “It seems that the deal goes both ways.”

“Where am I?”, Gamora asked. “Who are you?”

“You’re on Vormir, and we are allies”, Steve replied. “We’ve met your friends. Guardians of the Galaxy, right?” She nodded. “We can take you to Earth. Rocket and Groot  are there.”

She frowned. “What about the others?”

“On Titan”, he said. “They were fighting Thanos last we saw them, and it’s too dangerous for us two to be near him. They are supposed to go to Earth afterwards, though.”

It took a couple minutes, but Gamora eventually agreed.

Morag, 2014

You dropped Gamora on 2018 Earth and quickly proceeded to your last destination. Past Peter Quill was no longer there, but none of you were really bothered. You two knelt and buried the orb near the temple it originally was. “At least this is a timeline with no Thanos”, Steve commented quietly. “Let’s go”, he said as you finished burying the Stone.

“Wait, Steve”, you said as you stood up. “You don’t have to come with me.”

He frowned. “What?”

You sighed. This was hard, but you knew it was the right thing to do. “You have extra Pym Particles. We both do. Steve… I know you never really moved on from the past. You still long for the life that was taken from you when you fell on the Artic. You don’t feel like you belong in our present, do you? This is your chance to rewrite your story, Steve. Go to 1945 and dance with Peggy. Find Bucky while he still hasn’t turned to the Winter Soldier. Get rid of Zola and HYDRA before they take over. Make everything right. You’ve fought for so long, you deserve to rest.”

His eyes widened, but he said nothing. You took that as an agreement on his part. “Go be happy, Steve. You deserve it more than anyone I know.” You suited up and proceeded to turn your timer on. Before you could go back to your time, you had an idea. It was entirely impulsive, but it was your only chance. “May I do something? You can push me out at any time.”

He nodded slowly, seemingly still processing what you had told him previously. Gently, you placed your hands on both sides of his face, stood on your toes, closed your eyes and kissed him on the lips. It was brief, nothing more than a peck—you didn’t want to stay enough to find out if he’d kiss you back or not—but it was everything you ever wanted. You backed out fast, and activated your timer. “Thank you for everything”, you said.

Your last thought as you entered the Time Heist was that you never got to know what Strange had given him.

Avengers Headquarters, 2021

You opened your eyes to see Steve looking at you with a small smile. You frowned. “What?”

He let out a quiet laugh. “I think we need to talk a bit, huh?” You nodded, still shocked to see him there, looking exactly like he did when you saw him. “Let’s go to my room.”

You waved to Stark and followed Steve to his room. There, he sat on the bed and gestured for you to sit beside him. “I thought you were going to follow my suggestion”, you said quietly.

He smiled. “I kind of did. I did go to 1945, but not to Peggy’s home. I went to the Arctic, shortly after the plane crashed, and rescued my past self.

“After he came to his senses, I told him I was from the far future. I gave him a notebook Strange gave me when we were in 2017. He said the notebook had showed up at the Sanctum with my name in it. When I opened, waiting for you to come back from the bathroom, there were notes regarding Peggy, HYDRA, Bucky, the Starks, the Avengers and many other things. When you suggested I should go back, I understood what I truly had to do.

“I told past me to go fix my timeline, and live the life I hadn’t been able to. When he seemed to understand, I helped him find a way to go back to US.”

You bit your lip. His story was clear, but there was still something you didn’t understand. “But why didn’t you do it yourself? Why did you gave it to the other Steve?”

He reached your face and tucked a lock of hair behind your ear. “For someone so smart, you can be really oblivious sometimes.”

You blinked, heart rate increasing. It couldn’t be, could it? “What do you mean?”

He grinned wide, hand rested on the crook of your neck. “She wasn’t my Peggy, he wasn’t my Bucky. That timeline didn’t belong to me. You were right in a way. That Steve I saved will surely be happy now… but I wouldn’t.”

He turned in your direction. “Once upon a time, Peggy was the love of my life. But I’ve moved on from her. Yes, I missed her. Yes, I wish Bucky and I had gone back from the war and had peaceful lives. But I made a life for myself here, a good one. I have friends, a nice home… and I found someone new. Someone to love.”

You gulped. He kept on, “I was afraid she wouldn’t like me back. After all, I was the idiot who fell in love after only a month of knowing her. But then… she kissed me, can you believe it? Right after telling me to go chase another woman. She wanted me to let her go after kissing me, but I couldn’t. Not when I had a chance to be with her.”

You were sure you had stopped breathing. Steve had just said he fallen in love with you. You. It couldn’t be real.

“Me?”, you whispered, afraid to speak any louder and wake yourself up from that dream—because that had to be one. “You… love me?”

“Don’t look so surprised, Y/N”, he said softly. “A beautiful woman shows up at my home one day, offers me a chance to get my friends and half of the universe back to life after spending three years devoting herself to find said chance—years that could have been spent on chasing her own dreams—, gives emotional support not only to me but to other members of the team, treats me as a person instead of a hero, nearly sacrifices herself so Thanos wouldn’t go after us, is worthy of wielding Mjölnir and shows to put everyone above herself. Not to mention she’s funny as hell, has good taste in film and music and gives the best hugs of the century. How could I not fall in love?”

Your breath returned, but quicker than it should be. He was looking at you as if you were his whole world, and there was nothing else to look at.

You still couldn’t understand how and why someone as wonderful as Steve fell for an ordinary woman like you, but you’d be damned if you let him go. “You know, I’m really relieved to hear that, because I fell in love with the most amazing man I’ve ever met. I think you might know him. Steve Rogers. He’s pretty handsome for a centenary man, and his smile makes me want to melt on spot. Not to mention he’s always been kind to me and laughs at my bad jokes. Oh, and he’s a hero, did you hear? Captain America, paragon of virtue and a moral compass for an entire nation. You’d think the guy would have an ego twice his size, but he’s actually really humble, and lives up to his reputation. He makes me want to be a better person, every day, and look, he’s Catholic like me, meaning my dream of getting married at church is still within reach...”

Yes, you were rambling in an attempt to hide your nervousness. He didn’t seem bothered by it, though. When you stopped talking to take a breath, he asked, “May I kiss you? You didn’t gave me the opportunity to kiss you back in Morag, and I really, really want to show you how mad you were to think I’d leave you for Peggy.”

Unable to answer that with words, you nodded. His lips reached yours, and everything else faded away.

Epilogue

-------------------------------

Happy holidays, everyone! Now there is only an epilogue missing. It’s going to be cute, I promise!

Taglist: @autobotgirl15-blog​ @starstrucknature @cheeseburgersstuff​ @aamzter2013 

[helloitsai]

Letters to No One: I - 2019 to 2020

Merry Christmas, love.

Or at least it was when I started writing this letter.

Days have passed — in fact months, and hopefully you're reading this by the end of the following year; and I'm writing this letter for you, myself, like how I usually do every year. I feel that may sentence may run too long. But you're probably aware of my writing habits.

Anyway, I've been physically writing letters in my journals with my crappy handwriting, the first being in 2017, but frankly, I don't have the mental and physical capacity to do so (aka I'm too lazy). This being our first ever blog again after 7 years of blogging (yes, I made a blog back then when I was in fifth grade), I think it's appropriate to post this here.

Hello me that's a year after this. How are you? Did you get a new boyfriend? Maybe one that'll actually give you time and attention? Just kidding — take your own pace when it comes to romantic relationships. With my current situation and beliefs, I don't even think I'm interested in dating for a while but if 2020 me decides to give it a shot, then hey, good job, buddy.

Regardless of having a boyfriend or girlfriend, know that all you need is you.

If 2019 taught me anything, it's how to love myself. Thank you BTS? Half kidding aside, yes, I hope the same spark of self-love still ignites within you. Don't let it die, trying to give your candle's light to somebody else. You're love is strong. We both know that. You're willing to drop everything and give it all for the people you love — but along the way, you left so little for yourself. You've given so much love for people who were willing to drop it when somebody else could give them more. You were so caught up pleasing other people you made yourself miserable.

I hope we won't make the same mistakes again.

I hope you won't have to go through the constant hurtful words thrown at you, by people you once considered as allies, that deteriorated every part of your mind and soul.

I hope the scar of a past lover choosing your bullies won't ruin your perspective when it comes to boys.

I hope the mark left by an ex-best friend picking at your appearance won't dictate how you'll dress and what hairstyle you'll wear.

I hope the teasing you hear around your new environment won't trigger you to curl up into a bawl, wanting to cry, in the corner of your school's walls.

I hope we can finally be free of that huge anxiety left by so many betrayals.

People you thought were friends, ended up being the opposite this year.

Guard your heart, please, I beg of you.

I don't want us to go through nights of staying up until 30 minutes before getting ready for school all just because of constant thoughts running through our head. I don't want us actually falling asleep but waking up after an hour because of a dream where we end up killing ourselves because of our bullies. I don't want us constantly skipping classes just because you can't stand the words being whispered behind your back. I don't want us to cry, ugly sobbing on the corridors like in our old school, trying to breathe and kicking the ground for just a feel of reality.

I don't want that for us anymore.

This year taught me to prioritze my own over everybody else — not for the sake of selfishness, but rather safety.

I hope you're safe.

I hope we're safe.

I hope I'm safe.

Good luck to me from the future. If anyone ever decides to turn against you, know that I will always have your back. You've been through so much yet you've decided to live for another year despite the marks of lines against your wrists — you're so strong and I know and hope you can make it.

We can make it.

I can make it.

And don't worry about the people you've lost when you've gained so many.

"I hope those idiots who have lost their opportunities keep each other company"

You've closed a door yet you've opened so many bigger ones ahead of you. You've taken an opportunity other people wouldn't have if they stayed in their comfort zones.

I'm proud of the fact you've actually pursued dancing like you've always wanted this year. The fact you've performed on stage, being a scholar at that, is a thing 2018 me wouldn't have thought of. The dancing classes made you an admin at your local dance workshop — many people trusted you from different age groups at that. You've made connections outside the school you've been with for over a decade — do the people there do the same?

The fact you've actually transferred schools this year like how you've been thinking of for the past 5 years is a thing 2016 me is applauding you for. First week into this new school and you're already a representative for your grade level for an event. Hell, you've always been a representative for our monthly school events. You've showed off so many skills to new people.

If back then, in your old school, you were only known for your art. Fuck, you're still known for drawing realistic body parts and having a knack when it comes to watercolor and markers — but this time, people know you for your skills in dancing, writing poems and especially your skills in music. If back then, people disregarded and even had shut you up, literally, for your string instruments and alto vocals just because somebody else was "better", well here you're finally able to show that off. You're finally confident in arranging songs and showing off how you're decent in making them.

Imagine shutting you off when it came to music — something you've held so dear for over the past years. Shutting you off in a sense that when you'd jam and sing, they yell, saying it's "noise" and "annoying". Shutting you off in a sense when you play your spotify playlist just for 30 seconds, they're begging someone else takes the bluetooth speakers when the same song is clearly played by someone else.

Shutting you off in a sense you wrote a winning song and somebody else took credit.

But it won't happen again this time. You're finally new — a clean slate. Just like your skills, you're finally swaying your body to music begging to be choreographee. You finally giving melody to your own guitar's strumming. You're finally painting a thousand colors in your blank canvas.

And everybody is here to watch, admire and give the most endearing feedback — not words that hurt you.

And in all of your performances and masterpieces, I am your biggest fan.

I gotchu, boo.

I'm your best friend above everybody else.

And know that this one won't ever stab you in the back — my hands are free from all firearms and only contain love and support just for you.

P.S: I hope you're eating well! 😔✊💯

I love you.

👑👑👑👑👑

We love a late-posting queen 😳👊 Kidding aside, I lost internet connection since I was on an out of town trip, but I'm back with a new cheesy af post for myself. I usually physically write them but my journal's a mess this year (I promise I'll get back to bullet journalling soon) so I opted to write here instead. Happy New Years everybody and may the universe bless your 2020 🎊🎉

twitter: @helloitsai

instagram: @helloitsai

[lovemesomesurveys]

What website is it easy to spend too much time on? This one and YouTube. What’s been bothering you lately? Just the usual things. Do you ever get cravings for cheese? Yeah. I love cheese. I have at least one thing with cheese everyday, sometimes more. I eat Ramen every night and I like to add shredded cheese to it, so there’s one sure way I get my cheese intake. Do you ever crave affection? Yes. Would you name your baby after someone or give him/her his or her own name? I don’t plan on having kids.

Do you think boys can wear pink and girls can wear blue? It’s 2020, old sport. Get with it. Which hair curlers have you had the best luck with? I don’t use any hair curlers. What is the best way to curl your hair? I haven’t curled my hair in years, but whenever I did, which was rare, I just used a curling iron. Curling my hair never held up very well, though. Don’t you hate it when people act like idiots just to make you mad? I don’t have anyone in my life that does this currently, but yes it would drive me insane.  If you were thrown into a lion’s den, would you trust God to save you? Yes. I’d either survive or not, but either way I’d be fine because I do believe in heaven.  Do you wish you could call the police on the police? No. Do you write in cursive or print more? Print. I only use cursive to sign my name. Were you alive before the Internet came out? So, according to Google the very early stages actually began in 1983, but it wasn’t until 1990 that the internet we know, the world wide web, came to be. If we’re counting ‘83 then no, I wasn’t alive before it came out. If we’re talking 1990, then yes.  Do you like that trends from the 90’s are coming back in style? Yeah. I love the 90s and it seems a lot of people do as well. ….or would you rather have the trends stay the same as the last decade? I honestly don’t follow trends that much anymore, I’ll still like what I like regardless anyway, but it is cool that it changes and new things come about and old things come back around.  What was a horrible trend when you were in high school? Hmm. The scene style was really big when I was in high school and I’m sure people look back on that and cringe, but I liked it.  What is a horrible trend now? I don’t even know what’s trendy right now. What would you do differently if you were God? I don’t even want to entertain that idea. God is God. Have you ever met anyone who claimed to be God? No. If you had to leave the US and never come back, where would you move? I really don’t know. Would you buy a castle if you could afford one? Nah. What is something you aren’t ok with? Uhh, a lot of things. Like abuse of any kind to anyone, but child and animal abuse really hit hard because they don’t have a voice and they’re not really able to defend themselves. Do you fully trust anyone? Yes. How many true Christians do you know? Do you know any? I’ve met a lot of who I’d consider to be true, good Christians recently on the online bible study group I joined a few months ago. There’s Ty as well, but I haven’t seen or talked to him in a few years. :( Do you think someone’s value is based on how much money they have or make? Absolutely not. Would you rather be an aborted baby or a victim of child abuse? Jeez. What’s one trend you’re behind the times on? I don’t knowww. Do idiots act like know-it-alls a lot around you? I’ve known people who acted like know it alls, but didn’t really know shit if that’s what you mean. Do you think it’s ok to call an idiot an idiot? In some cases. I’m not referring to someone who might not be very book smart or something. That’s not an idiot at all. An idiot is someone who does very stupid and reckless things. Someone who chooses to be ignorant about certain things. 

If you had a child with down’s syndrome, would you keep him/her? I don’t plan on having children at all.

Don’t you wish people who weren’t qualified would stop getting handed leadership positions? Well, yeah.

Who is the worst plagiarizer you know? I don’t know any plagiarizers. 

If someone tried to murder your child, do you think it would be wrong to expose them publicly and talk about it on social media? Uh, that’s not even where my mind would go. That would be THE FURTHEST thing from my mind if someone tried to MURDER my child or any of my loved ones, wtf. My focus would be finding that person and getting them thrown in jail.

…Why do you think people think this is wrong? That just wouldn’t even be on my mind. 

Is there a toxic person that you miss? No.

Are you still contemplating going back to someone you shouldn’t? Nope. I’ve completely moved on from anyone I’ve had feelings for like that. 

What do you need right now Nothing at this very moment.

When was the last time you had a new crush? It’s been yearsss. Do you know any “Christians” who are rude and judgmental? Yes. It’s people like that who give Christians a bad name. People see that and think that’s the image of Christianity.

What would you do if your Bible was falling apart? I use an online version, actually. I do want to get a physical copy, though.

Do you have coffee with Jesus every morning? Typically, I make my coffee and then read the daily devotional that this one website posts. I’ve been kind of slacking a bit; though, and that’s not okay.

Do you pretend to be someone you’re not on facebook? Why or why not? No. I don’t see any reason to do that. This is who I am, folks.

Do you know anyone who pretends to be a Christian to get attention? No.

Do you want Jesus to come back soon? Yes.

Do you believe that Jesus is going to come back in your lifetime? No one knows when He will come, but we should be ready and looking.

Would you rather wear blue jeans or jeggings? Jeggings out of the two, but I’m just a regular leggings kind of gal.

What is the most comfortable type of pants ever? Leggings.

What is something you can’t wear because of your body type? I’m very self-conscious about wearing low cut tops, tank tops, crop tops, bathing suits, shorts, dresses (unless I have tights underneath), and any kind of opened toe shoes. I don’t wear any of that stuff. 

If you have curves, do you like them? I don’t have curves. I’d like to.

What is the curviest part of your body? I don’t have any. I’m very thin.

Have you ever been punished for doing the right thing? It felt that way.

How often do you cry? Often.

How many Christians do you know who actually care? I know many loving, caring Christians that truly want and do help others and do good.

Is Tumblr all that it’s hyped up to be? *shrug* I like it. I’m still here. I’ve been around since 2009 on my main account :O

At what age do you think someone is old enough to give advice? Uhh. I don’t know. Depends what type of advice. And also, just cause someone is older it doesn’t mean they should be giving advice. There’s just some types of people who shouldn’t be giving advice.

Have you ever worn matching pajamas with someone? My family and I do for Christmas.

What helps you fall asleep? ASMR.

Do you have a nighttime routine? I do surveys and watch YouTube.

What was the last mountain you climbed? Oh ya know, I’m always climbing mountains. Just another day for me. Just conquered Mt. Everest last week. No biggie.

Who is the fakest Christian you know? Why do you keep coming back to this?

Who are the fakest friends you’ve had? There have been a few.

Who’s the most narcissistic person you know? One of our family friends can be. :X

Who gives the best hugs? My doggo gives great cuddles.

Who was the last person you hugged? My mom.