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gothcsz · 4 months

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𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒇𝒂𝒓𝒆 / Chapter VIIII.

GIF CREDIT

PAIRING: Javier Peña x Original Female Character

SUMMARY: After months of dancing around their emotions, Javier and Paloma finally address the tension between them head-on.

WORD COUNT: ~9.2k

RATING: 18+ Mature topics such as sex, drugs, murder, the occult, religion, cannibalism and other triggering matters will be explored in this body of work. Minors DNI.

CHAPTER SPECIFIC TAGS: smuttt, bulge riding, dry humping, protected p in v sex, dirty talk, javi being an asshole, angst, crime talk (if it's not accurate don't @ me), descriptions of violence against women, vomit mention, slut shaming(?), detective!javi is very gorgeous ME, other things that I'm probably forgetting.

DISCLAIMER/WARNINGS: The Javier Peña referenced in this body of work is solely based off of the character that appears in Netflix’s Narcos and not the actual person. Very canon divergent and I will tweak things as I see fit to compliment the narrative of this story. While efforts have been made to be accurate in terms of canon timeline, a lot of details will be fictionalized, including the usage of the song(s) that Paloma will perform throughout the story.

A/N: we did it… we did it joe !! javi and OFC finally [REDACTED] !! thank u to everyone who has been keepin up w this foolery so far, it makes my lil heart happy to see engagement < 3 also wanna say that years of watching criminal minds is finally starting to pay off and i rly hope u guys are enjoying the crime aspect of the plot because i'm havin A LOT of fun writing and developing it !! shit is gonna get twisted and intricate so brace yourselves for where we're about to go !!! the smut in this chapter is heavily inspired by touch it by ariana grande so i def recommend giving that a listen bc i feel like it just fits their vibe so well (i may or may not have used some of the lyrics in the dialogue.. oop!) last thing sooo irrelevant but mayor abbott looks like jonathan bailey (bridgerton hive RISE!!) in my head so take that as u will xoxo always feel free to drop any type of feedback/support on this blog or ao3. i'd really appreciate it <3

♰ read on ao3. ♰

♰ playlist | pinterest | series masterlist ♰

As the sun casts its golden rays over the quiet outskirts of town, a grim discovery awaits the two men. The body of Jessica Valdez, the young girl reported missing from their neighboring town, lies lifeless in a shallow ditch. Javier stands beside Sheriff Leighton, their expressions grave as they survey the scene before them.

Reporters and curious onlookers have gathered, drawn by the spectacle of flashing lights and the somber atmosphere. A small group of people whisper amongst themselves, their hushed tones mingling with the distant sound of camera shutters clicking.

Romeo’s authoritative presence looms beside him, a pillar of strength in the face of another tragedy. His eyes narrow as they push through the gathered crowd, commanding respect and order in the chaotic scene.

They duck beneath the yellow crime scene tape, ignoring the questions being hurled at them by the press.

“Are there any indications of a motive for this murder?”

“Is this connected to the similar incidents in the area recently?”

“Is there anything the public can do to assist with the investigation?”

Javier’s stomach churns with sorrow as he takes in the sight. The body lies face down and sprawled in the dirt. He clenches his jaw, steeling himself against the wave of frustration threatening to overwhelm him.

Another failure on their behalf and all he can think about is the kiss shared between him and Paloma.

“Talk to us, Cecelia.”

“Well, at first glance: the body is still fairly warm so she was alive a few hours ago. It looks like she was held captive somewhere due to the bruising on her wrists and ankles. There are signs of malnourishment and she has smaller injuries scattered throughout her body. I won’t know more details until I do the autopsy.” The coroner answers before continuing,” Her chest is completely slashed through, just like all the others. Still our guy. Or girl–– you never know nowadays.”

Javier’s jaw flexes out of exasperation, mirroring the heavy sigh that escapes the sheriff’s lips. The weight of this repeated revelation settles over them like a suffocating blanket, casting a shadow over their efforts to uncover the truth.

Despite their tireless pursuit of justice, they find themselves no closer to catching the culprit or unraveling the mystery shrouding these towns. It’s fucking infuriating.

Amidst the tangled threads of his personal life, Javier has momentarily lost sight of his purpose for being here. He has been too immersed in his own character transformation and entanglement with Paloma, overlooking the harrowing reality unfolding around him: innocent women continuing to fall victim to brutal, senseless violence.

The gravity of his oversight has a mixture of guilt and despair settling deep within his chest.

Javier prides himself on his prowess, his ability to navigate the most intricate of cases and weather the toughest of storms. As a seasoned field agent with a string of accolades to his name (some undeserved, others very well deserved), he’s faced down challenges that would make others quiver.

Yet here he stands, feeling utterly impotent in the face of this whodunit in the confines of a sleepy town.

It gnaws at him, this sense of inadequacy, like a persistent itch he can’t scratch. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, a humbling reminder of the unpredictable nature of crime and the limits of his own expertise.

He needs to be better.

“What’s interestin’, though, is this,” She stands, motioning for the two men to follow her and they share a look before wordlessly complying. Cecelia hands them both a pair of latex gloves, instructing them to put them on.

They make it a few feet away from Jessica’s body and that’s when Javi sees it.

“Is that vomit?”

Cecelia nods, “It is. I’m betting it’s hers. The interestin’ bit isn’t that she vomited–– but the contents. Take a look. Tell me what you see.”

Javier is the first to kneel with Romeo looking over his shoulder. He eyes the evidence, pushing his aviators to the top of his head, making out the larger chunks in the grossly colored bile.

He can’t discern what it is right away and Cecelia encourages him to use his hands, which has him looking at her ludicrously and muttering how gross this shit is in Spanish before doing as suggested.

Poking his latex clad fingers in the mess, Javi analyzes the contents and that’s when he sees a symbol marked in ink on one of the scraps.

“It’s flesh. Human flesh.”

Shit. He sees it now, the mark is a tattoo and he quickly barks out an order to have one of the lingering deputies come take pictures of it.

“Son of a bitch is feedin’ people… people. Would explain Nina Thorton’s missin’ leg. What the fuck is goin’ on here?” The sheriff sounds defeated and Javier just remains silent as he mulls over all this new information that’s been revealed.

Kidnapped, held hostage, fed human flesh, murdered, dumped.

All the other victims up until now have only been taken then killed. None of them held captive for long. Not all of them consuming flesh.

But then there’s Nina and her postmortem severed leg.

Fuck, the answer is right there, interwoven in the intricacies and lack of details in the cases.

No more fucking around, no more helping girls sneak back inside their homes, no more distractions. He has to focus on doing his job.

He will catch who did this, he will prove himself to be qualified to do what he was brought here to do.

Javier remains kneeled and deep in thought as Romeo and Cecelia continue on with their observations. He looks around to study their surroundings, wondering if there is anything else that is right in front of him that he cannot see.

“Three outta five have been brunettes around the same age. I think that’s something worth considering now,” Javier breaks up the conversation betweens the sheriff and coroner, both of them turning to look at him as he stands from his kneeled position and begins to take off the gloves,” Seems like they found their type. There’s got to be a purpose for the consistent victimology.”

They’ve migrated over to Jessica’s body now, both men doing last minute look overs before she is transported back to her hometown for her parents to identify and for Cecelia to preform the autopsy.

When a deputy comes over to take the last bits of photo evidence, he looks sickly but Javier ignores it. It’s not until her body is turned upright, exposing her mauled chest, that has the younger officer hurling over and throwing up, some of it landing on Romeo.

“God fuckin’ damn it, Andrews, spew that shit elsewhere. Fuck, not only are you contaminatin’ the crime scene but you got it all over my damn pants.”

The sheriff goes on a tangent, chewing the officer out and threatening to suspend him for two weeks with no pay. It’s harsh, Javier will admit, but he doesn’t say anything, remaining stoic with his arms crossed against his chest as he watches it unfold.

Eventually, everyone trickles out. Even the nosey reporters and townies. Javier wants to stay, walk around the area to see if anything else was left behind. Maybe something was dropped or buried nearby, and while they had assured him that others have already done a thorough search–– he’d feel more comfortable if he did it himself.

“Ya mind stoppin’ by my place so I can change? Kid ruined these.” Romeo’s gruff voice has Javier losing his train of thought, too engrossed in looking out into the vast area of the woods as the sun slowly begins to set.

Right, they arrived together, driving from the station in Javier’s cruiser.

“Sure.” He replies plainly. His plans for the evening now include getting Romeo situated so that he can come back here and investigate all on his own. He might even drive to Fayette to retrieve the autopsy from Cecelia as soon as she completes it.

With the Leighton home being on the other side of town, this gives the two men time to talk the case over; going over all that they know and all that they’ve discovered. Romeo confides in Javier about feeling inadequate about the way he’s doing his job and, in a turn of events, Javier does the same. In his own way.

The mutual understanding is a relief, though the guilt of his kiss with Paloma is palpable and it makes Javi feel like a fraud.

Across from him is a man who has extended nothing but kindness and trust, offering camaraderie and a sense of belonging. Yet, despite this, Javier found himself drawn to his daughter in a way that was both exhilarating and forbidden.

It feels wrong, achingly so. A bitter realization that despite their mutual longing, their connection can never be fully realized. It’s a harsh wake up call: if he truly wants to better himself, he must shed his bad habit of losing himself in women and distance himself from her.

What a discomforting prospect, the inevitable separation. But he knows it’s the only way forward. He understands that in time, they will both resign themselves to the reality of their infatuation.

It’s a familiar ache, this sense of inevitability that haunts his romantic endeavors like a relentless specter. Javier knows the drill all too well; it’s not his first rodeo in navigating the treacherous terrain of severing emotional ties.

His love life feels like a series of missteps, a cursed labyrinth from which there’s no escape. Despite the initial allure of each new romance, he’s come to anticipate the eventual descent into disappointment. No matter how promising the beginning, the journey always seems to lead to the same desolate destination.

With him hurting them beyond measure.

Fuck the idea of reinventing himself here. He can find peace and monotony anywhere else.

Javier will follow through with his responsibilities, and the second he’s able to peel out of Seminary–– he will, leaving her behind as a bittersweet memory. A beautiful yet unattainable dream that he will carry with him for years to come.

As they pull in to the Leighton residence, he sees the woman that lives in his head perched up on the fence that surrounds the immediate area. Her baggy jeans are hanging low, exposing the sheer fabric of her underwear. She turns as she hears the sound of a car approaching, and her lips pull into a smile once she sees who it is.

Paloma fully expected to wake up the following day filled with regret and plagued by a hangover. The only thing she experienced was the latter, but it had quickly been nursed by a greasy breakfast and some yard work.

Javier had kissed her back, that was enough to feed into her delusions that he does want her. All inhibitions have been dropped, she’s prepared to lay herself out for him–– to tell him that she’s wanted him since the moment they met.

It might seem premature, an impulsive plunge into the uncertainty of his reaction to her feelings, but the tender memory of their shared kiss eclipses all rational thought. She finds herself irresistibly drawn to the possibility of something more, unable to resist the pull of her emotions.

His touch still lingers on her skin. His hands tracing the curves of her body with a hunger that left her breathless. She can still feel the way he had grabbed her ass then gripped onto her hips, pulling her closer to him.

But it was his mouth that left the strongest impression. His tongue had explored the depths of hers, tasting and teasing her with a ferocity that made her feel alive.

In that moment, she had felt desired, cherished, and wanted. It was a feeling that she hadn’t realized she craved so badly until last night. She knew that she would never be able to forget that kiss and the way it had made her feel.

She’s giddy, her excitement bubbling up like fizzy soda, reminiscent of the first time she ever kissed a boy. Except Javier isn’t a boy–– he’s a man. A man whose expertise and skill are a potent aphrodisiac, heightening her arousal to levels she never thought possible.

She’s been hot for him all day, even touched herself to the memory of his soft lips, the tickle of his mustache, against hers then imagining them everywhere else. The mere thought of it is enough to send her heart racing, and she knows that nothing will satisfy her until she has him in her arms again.

Romeo gets out the car, muttering that he’d be right back and Javi opts to stay put. He does not want to speak to her, knowing that the second he gazes into those beautiful brown eyes–– he’d buckle. He needs to build animosity between them; it’s the only way for them to definitively be able to separate from one another.

But she doesn’t make it easy, of course. Because the second her father is inside, she’s practically skipping over to the driver’s side of the cruiser.

“Hello officer. Here to bring me in for all those crimes I committed last night?” She teases as she leans her forearms against the rolled down window, the cowgirl hat perched on her head complimenting her so well.

Javier swallows thickly, taking a lengthy drag of the familiar cigarette between his lips. He can’t outright ignore her so he decides to be short instead.

“M’not here for games, Paloma.”

She’s taken aback by his tone, her smile faltering.

“Well excuse me for tryin’ to make conversation. Wasn’t aware that you’re in a mood today.”

There’s a pause despite her attempt to add a teasing tone to her words to lighten him up. It falls flat.

“And I’m not looking to have a conversation. You can go.”

Her brows cinch together at his dismissal, this is not how she was expecting for this to go.

“What’s goin on’? Is this because we… because of the kiss last night?” She lowers her voice towards the end, red blooming across her cheeks but she keeps her composure.

“Jesus,” Javier chuckles humorlessly, shaking his head. It sends a sharp pang through her heart.” Why do you always think that’s the fuckin’ problem whenever I don’t want to talk to you? For someone who claims to be a grown woman all the time, you sure as shit don’t act like it.”

She stills, the buoyant confidence that had propelled her toward him evaporating in an instant, replaced by a wave of hurt at his unexpected chilliness. What has gotten into him?

“Drop it and move on, Paloma. We just found Jessica Valdez’s body dumped out in a ditch. S’not the time to be hung up on a damn kiss.”

The sound of the screen door shutting close breaks her away from him and the trance she’d seemingly gone into. Another victim, another tragedy to confront… and here she is acting like a smitten teenaged girl.

The urge to cower and crawl into herself, to surrender to the overwhelming embarrassment and sorrow, threatens to engulf her entirely. She remains silent, fighting back the surge of frustrated, angry tears as she pushes off the car and trudges back toward the house.

Javier exhales heavily once she strides away without a word, feeling a weight settle on his shoulders. He had braced himself for a snide remark or some form of verbal retaliation, but her silent departure was far more impactful.

“I’ll be home late. Don’t wait up.” Her father murmurs as he passes her, planting a tender kiss atop her head. He lingers there for a moment but she doesn’t question it, knowing it’s because of what they found today and she doesn’t even mind that he hasn’t told her about it.

As he breaks away, she conjures up a semblance of a genuine smile, masking her turmoil, and nods before he affectionately pinches her nose and continues on his way.

She doesn’t look back, she doesn’t cry or go inside–– instead she picks up her discarded gardening gloves and proceeds to channel her energy into the simple act of mowing the grass.

She finds herself alone at the open bar as the party continues in full swing. It’s been days since Jessica’s death, and the tense conversation she had with Javier still lingers in her mind.

“Drop it and move on, Paloma.”

Unlike the last time they went without speaking, there is much more tension between them now. The worst part about it is having to act as if nothing is wrong in the presence of her father.

No daddy, everything’s fine! It’s not like I threw myself at your co-worker not once, but twice and both times he made me feel like a fucking idiot!

She lets out a disdainful sigh, her fingers curling around the glass containing her coveted cherry root beer since she’s decided to part ways with alcohol and any other substance for the time being.

The two men are busy mingling with other guests and have been since the moment they arrived. Despite her efforts to divert her gaze elsewhere, her eyes keep involuntarily drifting towards Javier’s broad figure.

The event had called for formal attire, so when he strode in wearing a meticulously tailored all-black suit, her breath caught in her throat. The sharp lines of his outfit, coupled with the crispness of his button-down and the matching tie, made her momentarily forget why she was so upset with him. He looked too damn handsome.

It’s brutal how the things we desire most often seem to radiate the brightest when they’re just out of reach.

Observing him mingle effortlessly with others is entertaining. Contrary to her expectations, he appears completely at ease in this bustling social setting, a far cry from the disdain he expressed for large gatherings that morning in his kitchen.

He’s acting a lot more extroverted and… smile-y. It pisses her off as much as it melts her heart.

They make their way over to her and she makes a point to not even look in his direction. Though now she’s caught between her father and Javier as they order another round of drinks.

It really doesn’t help that they’re shoulder to shoulder. The heady aroma of his cologne, laced with the familiar tang of cigarette smoke and the faint hint of whiskey, infiltrates her senses, making it impossible to outright ignore him.

Javier Peña is like a blazing beacon and she’s the foolish moth drawn inexplicably closer to his flame. But she knows all too well the danger of getting too close, like a moth singed by the heat, the allure of his brightness can be killer.

Javier had assumed that with news of Jessica being found dead, their attendance to this party wouldn’t be mandatory.

Well, he thought wrong. It is a cruel reminder of how life goes on, even when tragedy strikes.

Another dead girl, another over-the-top party.

Which is why he’ll give it an hour–– tops–– to shake whoever’s hand and meet whoever else, then he’d leave. It’s a simple plan, the only thing making it difficult for him is his proximity to the woman he’s desperately trying to cut ties with.

She looks so beautiful tonight, donning a calf length simple black dress that hugs all her curves just right.

“There they are! My Law and Order! Y’all keepin’ the townsfolk in line?” The boastful voice of Mayor Jonah Abbott draws near and Javier suppresses the urge to roll his eyes.

Foolish of him to think he wouldn’t have to interact with the titular birthday boy tonight.

He greets both men with a firm handshake, and when his attention turns to her; Javier has to drown the subtle spark of frustration with his drink at the way his eyes rake over her body.

“And of course, Miss. Paloma. They say a smile is worth a thousand words, but yours? It’s worth a million dreams.” He brings her hand up to his lips to plant a kiss against her knuckles and all she does is offer him a polite smile. Here we go…

“Mr. Abbott—”

“Jonah, sweetheart. Been tellin’ you to call me that for years now.”

Her smile threatens to twitch out of annoyance, “Jonah. Happy Birthday. Thank you for invitin’ us to your home.”

“Always a pleasure to have you ’round. I heard about your performance up in Dallas. Shame I missed it. Woulda loved to hear that beautiful voice of yours and seen you up on that stage.”

Javier can’t help the subtle grunt he emits at the mayor’s overt flirtation, causing for her to just briefly glance up at him with a bemused flash crossing her stare.

The familiarity of Jonah’s behavior strikes a chord within him. Once upon a time, Javier was just like this–– an arrogant charmer with a penchant for flirting with anything in a skirt. Standing here amidst the other man’s smooth talk, he sees through the facade with clarity born of experience.

It’s a performance, an act to charm his way in between Paloma’s legs, though Javi can clearly see that she’s not falling for it. Does Romeo notice it too, he wonders? Or is he blinded by the mayor’s charisma, unable to see that this man clearly wants to sleep with his daughter.

Then again, Javier’s opinion on this is irrelevant and invalid since he too has been in the same predicament since meeting her. At least he didn’t do it blatantly in front of the sheriff’s face.

Or, in a turn of events, perhaps Romeo doesn’t give a damn. Jonah Abbott presents himself as a viable candidate to be with his daughter; a young politician with deep pockets and a keen interest in her.

Javier can’t shake off the mental picture of the man’s wedding ring adorning her finger, of her transforming into the perfect, submissive wife, tending to the household and filling this place with snot nosed kids. But such a scenario doesn’t align with her fiery and headstrong nature. She’s far too independent and spirited to succumb to the confines of domesticity, particularly for a man like Jonah.

Then again, why the fuck does he care?

“Well as you know, I do two shows every weekend at The Whiskey Fox. Could always stop by and see me and the band.”

“A busy man like myself always has a full schedule. Though I reckon I should make some time to be out in the community. Wouldn’t hurt to stop by for dinner and a show.”

He winks at her and of course he does it when her father turns to order himself another drink. Javier’s jaw flinches.

“Now Romeo, why have you been keepin’ this badass motherfucker hidden from me? I knew we had someone new joinin’ the force but I didn’t think it’d be the Javier Peña. A goddamn American hero— right here in Seminary, Texas!”

As Jonah begins his praises, pairing them with a harsh slap to his shoulder, Javier remains cool and calculating. He refuses to be swayed by empty compliments.

Meanwhile, she breathes a silent sigh of relief as the spotlight shifts away from her, and she finds it amusing at how everyone seems to talk about Javier.

A hero. A true patriot. Such a brave soul for fightin’ the war on drugs on Uncle Sam’s behalf.

If only they knew the truth––if they had even a glimpse of the darkness he’s had to face, they wouldn’t be so quick to idolize him.

The label of hero, bestowed upon him since the demise of Escobar, sits uneasily on his shoulders. The adulation feels like a burden he never asked for, a title he never wanted. It’s a reminder of the complexities of his past, the mistakes he’s made, and the ghosts that continue to haunt him. Javi despises the word, resenting the way it overshadows his true self and the countless sins he harbors in silence.

“Gotta keep ’em humble. Keeps the head on straight.” Romeo banters back, pulling one of those haughty, rich men laughs from the mayor.

She cringes at the pretentiousness echoing in the air.

The men break out into small talk leaving her feeling awkward as she swirls the almost fully melted ice around the empty cup. It’s not until Jonah is getting ready to move on to a new set of guests that the attention is turned back to her.

“And you, pretty girl, owe me a song. Specifically that one Linda Ronstadt song from the Fourth of July barbecue last year. Remember? S’only fair… consider it a birthday gift from you to me.”

Despite her inner discomfort, she maintains a face of cheerfulness, though her stomach sinks with apprehension at his request. Memories of the barbecue flood her mind, vivid recollections of his relentless pursuit despite her repeated, albeit polite, refusals.

The word ’no’ is on the tip of her tongue, but knowing all too well the persistence he’s exhibited before; she succumbs to the weight of the occasion—his birthday—and the anticipation in his eyes.

“Blue Bayou, I remember. Does the band know it?” She inquires, her gaze flickering towards the live band stationed near the open area of the dance floor where a throng of people sway to the music.

She’s secretly hoping that they don’t, but the song is very popular so her hope dwindles.

“If they don’t, they will. I’ll introduce you when it’s time.”

With a tight and forced smile gracing her lips, she simply replies, “Okay,” accompanied by a subtle nod. His wicked grin spreads larger, almost daring Javier to react by punching him square in the jaw.

Regardless of how he feels towards her and their situation, it irks him to no end how this man blatantly disregards her boundaries.

Her body language screams apprehension, evident to anyone observant enough. However, Mayor Abbott is too fixated on persuading her to comply with his wishes to take notice. It’s apparent that he’s not accustomed to hearing the word ’no’.

Javi just holds his tongue, an insult threatening to slip out, as he finishes his drink with a practiced air of nonchalance.

The mayor finally says his goodbyes before walking away and her shoulders drop instantly.

“Guess I owe ya twenty bucks.” Romeo mutters, digging into his suit pocket for his wallet.

The laugh she gives, though slight, simultaneously soothes and torments his heart.

Damn it all— this is going to be torture but he must endure.

“She bet that he was gonna pull somethin’ like this before leavin’ the house. I was dumb enough to think he wouldn’t.” He explains to Javier as he slips his daughter the twenty dollar bill which she slyly stuffs under the fabric of her dress by her chest.

The action, seemingly simple, is so hot to him.

“How many times do I have to say m’not a damn show pony that does tricks whenever it’s asked? He’s so lucky that I’m polite and that it’s his birthday— If not I woulda told him to shove it—-” She doesn’t finish her sentence as they’re approached by a group of people that she doesn’t recognize nor care for.

She feels like an afterthought as they bombard the men with questions about the recent cases and other related topics, so she takes that as her cue to leave, ordering another mocktail before slipping away towards the dance floor.

She is fully prepared to turn her brain off to enjoy some semblance of normalcy before she’s thrown back in to the confusing pit that is her current status with the former DEA agent.

Attempting to convince herself that she’s enjoying the moment, she sways to the lively rhythm of the music, lost in her own solitary dance. A few partygoers approach her asking to join her which she declines; peeved by all the unwanted attention she’s getting.

This isn’t even her party. She holds no merit here.

Javier only catches glimpses of her from his peripheral, engrossed in a conversation with a man who remembers him from his sheriff days in Laredo, before he left for Colombia. The discourse drones on, punctuated by forced laughter and idle pleasantries. Each word falls flat, devoid of substance, yet Javier remains steadfast. Anything to keep him and his mind away from her.

Suddenly, the screeching sound of microphone feedback reverberates off the opulent walls of the ballroom-style space and she winces at noise.

“Excuse me, sorry–– I’m not very good with these things.” The man of the hour apologizes, his voice crackling through the speakers. She inwardly curses, anticipating what’s to come next. Setting her now-empty glass down on one of the nearby tables, she smooths her hands along the velvety fabric of her dress, ironing out any wrinkles, and hastily fixes her hair as best as she can without a mirror.

With a deep breath, she pushes down her nerves, summoning a smile to face the adversity when he introduces her. She steps onto the stage, the room erupting into scattered applause as she approaches the microphone.

♫

Midway through the song, to her surprise, Jonah joins her on stage, transforming the solo performance into an unexpected duet. Despite her inner discomfort, Paloma maintains a composed expression and tries to conceal any hint of surprise in her body language as he draws nearer.

Her unease heightens when he pulls her close against him, the heat of his body against hers as they sway to the rhythm of the music during the instrumental interlude of the country song. She reluctantly complies, her compliance more a result of avoidance of potential consequences than genuine willingness to dance with him.

The sight of his possessive grip on her waist, pulling her into an unwelcome dance, ignites a surge of vexation within Javier. He feels the tension in his muscles coil tighter with each step they take, their bodies moving in sync to the rhythm of the music. It’s unbearable to watch, the image of Paloma in Jonah’s arms twisting like a knife in his gut.

Without a word, Javier makes his escape, his strides purposeful as he navigates through the crowded room. He mutters a vague excuse to Romeo, the urgency in his voice betraying his need to flee from the suffocating scene unfolding before him.

Finally stepping out into the cooler night air, Javier takes a deep breath to soothe his frazzled nerves. He makes his way towards a gazebo that’s right by the large pond, putting as much distance as he can between himself and the party inside.

Leaning against the railing of the structure, he retrieves his trusty pack of cigarettes from his pocket, hands trembling slightly as he lights one. Each drag offers a fleeting moment of respite from the turmoil brewing inside him.

Inside, the song ends and she wastes no time in descending the stage, a sense of urgency propelling her movements. She refuses to linger, her mind consumed with the dread of another unwanted encounter with the mayor. Surveying the crowded room, she searches in vain for her father or Javier, but they’re nowhere to be found amidst the sea of faces.

Determined to escape the party atmosphere, Paloma makes a beeline for the exit, craving the solace of the summer night air. Stepping out onto the back porch, she inhales deeply, the breeze offering a welcome reprieve from the stifling heat of the event.

The night is alive with subtle sounds—toads croaking in the distance, the distant murmur of conversation—but it’s the solitary figure in the distance that captures her attention. With a sense of inevitability, Paloma finds herself drawn towards the silhouette, her heels clicking softly against the pavement as she descends the steps leading to the gazebo.

When she approaches, Javier remains steadfast, his gaze fixed on the tranquil expanse of water before him. The rhythmic puff of his cigarette punctuates the silence, a tangible barrier between them. Despite the tension hanging in the air, Paloma presses forward, her resolve unyielding as she closes the distance between them.

“We need to talk.”

He stands like a statue, the weight of her words are heavy, yet he remains resolute in his silence, hoping that she’ll simply give up and leave him be. But Paloma is nothing if not persistent, her frustration bubbling over as she confronts him.

“Fuck, Javier will you at least look at me?! Acknowledge that I’m standin’ here tryin’ to speak with you?!” Her voice crackles with pent-up emotion, her southern accent thick as each word is laden with an intensity that he can’t ignore.

Reluctantly, he turns his head slightly, his gaze skimming over her figure with resignation. It’s a small concession, but it’s enough to stoke the fire of her frustration to new heights.

“I dunno why you’ve decided to be such a jerk to me all of the sudden,” she continues, her tone laced with a raw edge of hurt and confusion. “You’re tellin’ me that I’m bein’ childish a-and that I need to move on from the kiss but we both know it’s so much bigger than that. We’ve been dancin’ around it since the moment we met and I’m tired of pretendin’ like I don’t want you.”

His eyes close briefly, a fleeting moment of vulnerability before he retreats behind his stoic facade once more. His fingers find their way to the bridge of his nose, pinching tightly as he struggles to find the right words to respond. But before he can form a coherent thought, she presses on, her voice trembling with the weight of her confession.

“I told myself I wouldn’t care if you didn’t feel the same way,” She admits, her voice growing softer now, tinged with a hint of desperation. “But that was before I got to know you. Before you somehow wriggled your way into my heart and overtook my mind entirely. We became friends, and I-I didn’t want to screw that up. But then we kissed, and in that moment, I knew you wanted me just as badly…”

She draws closer, her hand reaching out tentatively to rest on his shoulder, the touch sending a jolt of tension through his body. It’s a silent plea, a manifestation of her vulnerability, and it’s all he can do to keep his composure still as her words wash over him like a hurricane.

“Every time I see you I don’t want to behave, Javi. I’m tired of being patient, so let’s pick up the pace and finally give in.”

He flicks his finished cigarette out into the water, the ember trailing like a shooting star before disappearing into the dark abyss below.

Slowly, he turns to face her fully, the summer air crackling with tension as he takes in her determined stance. His hand shoots out, grabbing hold of the wrist that had just been resting on him, his dark eyes boring into hers in an act of intimidation.

But Paloma doesn’t back down, her gaze unwavering as she meets his stare head-on. Instead, she brings her free hand up to rest against his chest, the heat of her touch seeping through the fabric of his shirt as she steps closer, closing the gap between them until his dress shoes are toe-to-toe with her pointed heels.

He doesn’t make an effort to step away or decline her advances, his resolve crumbling in the face of her determination. Her words have jumbled him up completely, the sudden revelation of her feelings catching him off guard and leaving him reeling. The direct mention of what they’ve been indulging in for the past few months digs into his achilles’ heel—his tendency to fall in love in the damndest of times.

He stares down into her eyes, a storm of conflicting emotions raging wildly. The lust swirling in her gaze stirs something primal and raw within him. Any rational part of his brain seems to shut down in that moment, his thoughts consumed by the overwhelming desire to kiss her again, to lose himself in the exhilarating whirlwind of emotions that she evokes from him.

“It’s obviously insane, m’not a fucking idiot I understand the repercussions…. but we both know what we want, so why don’t we…” She whispers, tilting her head up until their lips brush against one another.

“Why don’t we fall in love?”

It’s not clear who makes the first move, but their lips are interlocked in a passionate kiss—a fierce collision of desire and pent-up longing that surpasses the one they had previously shared. Paloma’s hand on his chest clenches the fabric of his shirt while Javier relinquishes his grip on her wrist, his own hands rising to cradle her jaw in his palms.

The taste of the lingering cigarette smoke mingles with the faint bitterness of alcohol on his breath, a heady combination that heightens her desire. She moans softly into his mouth, her tongue intertwining with his in a desperate attempt to savor every fleeting moment before it inevitably slips away.

Javier, consumed by the intoxicating sensation, slowly walks her back until her back is against the sturdy pillar of the gazebo, his movements now possessive and urgent. He deepens the kiss, molding his body against hers as if to merge their souls into one.

Her touch is addicting, a bittersweet symphony that resonates in the depths of his bones. Despite the warnings screaming in the recesses of his mind, urging him to stop and pull away, he finds himself unable to resist the magnetic pull she exerts over him.

Breaking the kiss, Javier’s lips trail down the side of her mouth, blazing a trail of heated kisses along her jawline before descending to her neck. His teeth graze her delicate skin, resisting the urge to leave a trail of marks in their wake as his tongue traces a path along her neck and up to her earlobe, where he bites down gently.

“Is this what you wanted, nena? For me to shower you in my fucking attention?” He husks, his voice thick with desire and a hint of frustration. His words swim between them, a question laced with layers of longing and palpable need, as he continues to lavish attention upon her neck, each kiss and caress fueling the flames of their mutual desire.

Paloma just whines, arching herself into him as her thighs rub together to relieve the tension of arousal that is assaulting her core.

“Yes, Javi, that’s all I want. I want you to talk to me, to touch me, to make me feel good.”

Her hands are now against his broad shoulders, fingers curling into the fabric of his suit jacket as she feels the muscles beneath tense at her touch. A low, guttural groan escapes his lips in response to her words, a primal sound that sends shivers down her spine.

“I can make you feel good, hermosa. Better than any fucking culero (asshole) in this town.” He murmurs, his voice dripping with possessiveness. With deliberate intent, Javi begins to hike up her long dress, the fabric yielding easily to his touch until it’s gathered at the top of her thighs, exposing her black, lacey panties. His hands roam lower, trailing a path of electricity along her skin until they find purchase behind her thighs, gripping the soft skin firmly as he effortlessly lifts her into his arms.

She wraps her legs around his waist, anchoring herself to him as he hoists her up against the solid pillar of the gazebo. She feels his hardness pressing up against her clothed cunt and it has a sharp pang of pleasure sprouting at her core, igniting a fierce heat to course through her entirely. His touch is addicting, sending waves of ecstasy rippling through her body as she surrenders to the intrinsic urgency of their shared horniness.

The pure conviction in his tone only adds to the intensity of the moment. She wants nothing more than to be completely ruined by this man. She wants to be his, and his alone.

Javier grinds his hips up, the friction between them firing up every nerve ending. Her pussy throbs with need, aching for more of his touch. She can feel every inch of him pressing against her, his hard cock straining against his pants, begging to be released.

As their bodies move in perfect harmony, she wraps her fingers in his hair, tugging at it lightly. His lips move from her neck and crash against hers, a wild, passionate kiss that leaves them both panting for air. It grows more frenzied, their teeth clashing together in a desperate and selfish need for more. She moans into his mouth, the sound sending a jolt of electric arousal straight to his cock. He grinds harder against her, his hips moving in rhythm with hers.

She can feel her orgasm building, a fierce heat blossoming at her pussy. Her whimpers turn to animated moans as she writhes against him. The last time she dry humped someone to completion had been way back in high school and that had been an overall embarrassment so it’s never something she revisited.

Not until now, with Javier who is making her feel like she’s the only girl in the fucking world.

His fingers expertly cup her breast, teasing her hardened nipple through the fabric of her dress. She arches her back, pressing her chest into his hand, silently begging for more. He takes the hint, groping her and squeezing it gently, relishing in the way she shudders.

Her eyes close in ecstasy as he continues to knead her tit. His other hand trails along her inner thigh, inching closer and closer to the heat between her legs. When he finally reaches her core, she gasps, her body trembling with need. He doesn’t touch her, instead he digs his fingers into the soft flesh of her thigh.

“If this is what you wanted so fucking bad then go ahead and take it, needy girl. Go on, make yourself cum by grinding that wet pussy all over me.”

She mewls, throwing her head back as she feels her orgasm building. She’s such a sight to bear witness to, how her swollen lips part and his name slips from her tongue like a hymn, making his cock twitch.

Her wetness seeps through her flimsy thong, leaving a damp spot on the fabric of his dress pants. He can feel it seeping through the material and it drives him mad. He needs to be inside her, to feel her walls fluttering around his cock as they finally give in to each other…

But first, he wants to watch her unravel just like this.

“I’m close, Javi…” His lips hungrily devour the tender flesh of her neck again, making her eyes roll back as their hips continue to move at a sensual pace. The metallic zipper of his pants brushes against her sensitive clit, sending shockwaves of pleasure coursing through her body. She can’t help but cry out in sweet surrender, her voice louder than before.

His large hand clamps over her mouth, preventing her screams from echoing out.

“Don’t get us caught, chiquita. Wouldn’t want your daddy comin’ out here and findin’ you like this–– all cockdrunk and begging to be fucked.”

His dirty and abrasive words are like fuel to the flames of her impending climax, sending her spiraling out of control. Her rhythm stutters, her body writhing uncontrollably as she bites down on the skin of his palm as the orgasm overtakes her entirely.

All that can be heard is their heavy, shared pants. His hand falls from her mouth as she falls limp in his arms, her body jolting every now and again with the aftershock of her intense orgasm.

She peppers tender kisses along the bare expanse of his jaw, silently berating him for having his shirt buttoned up for once and the pesky tie restricting her from licking and biting against the tantalizing skin of his neck and collarbone.

“Need… need to feel you, Javi, please.” She whines against his ear, her hands trailing down from his broad shoulders, over his chest, then down to his belt buckle. She can still feel the swell of him pressed up against her sopping cunt and despite just coming hard; she’s craving to feel all of him.

This is the pivotal moment where he knows he should exercise restraint, where the noble path of virtue beckons him to rise above the consuming tide of desire. To explain to her that they can and never will be anything but an unattainable fantasy.

But he doesn’t, instead Javi lets her untuck his dress shirt from his pants and helps her with unbuckling his belt.

“We shouldn’t do this, Paloma…” Is all he can say in an attempt to keep it from happening but she shushes him, her hand slipping beneath his boxers as she wraps her manicured fingers around his girth and begins to pump him slowly.

“Mierda,” He curses in Spanish, his forehead falling gently against hers as his eyes flutter close at the overwhelming feeling of her softer, smaller hand jerking him off. Her thumb glides over the tip, spreading his excessive precum over the length of his cock.

“But we want to… oh you’re so big Javi. Gonna be feelin’ you for days…” She sounds like something out of a wet dream and he simply can’t hold back any longer.

He instructs her to grab his wallet from his suit pocket and to retrieve the condom he keeps in there, receiving a playful eye roll from her but she doesn’t push her luck–– she needs him badly and she’d go absolutely feral if he decided to deny them both the pleasure of fucking.

His strong hold on her keeps them secure against the pillar, she rips the small package with her teeth then pushes his pants down enough to release his erection, rolling the latex on easily.

There’s a moment where suspension hangs in the air, both of them staring into each other’s lust blown eyes.

“Don’t think about it too much, please. Just fuck me.”

Her insistence is such a turn on, spurring him into reaching down to ball up the thin layer of her panties before he yanks them off, the sound of the fabric tearing apart causing her to gasp. Stuffing the ruined material into his back pocket, he readjusts his hips so that the thick head of his cock presses up against her exposed and puffy folds.

“Such an impatient little thing, hermosa. I shouldn’t even give you what you want. Should just walk away and leave you here a desperate and wet mess.”

Gripping onto the base of his cock with his free hand, Javier nudges it between her slit and teases her, the head repeatedly brushing against the pearl of her clit.

Her breath hitches, rolling her hips to entice him into entering her, “Please, Javi, I’ll do whatever you want just plea–– oh f-fuck!”

He sinks into her pussy, leaning forward to bite down on her shoulder to keep his own sounds of pleasure at bay as he feels the way her fleshy walls contract around his cock, stretching her with how thick he is.

Her fingers return to intertwine themselves in his hair as he begins to set a delicious pace, fucking into her with a passion that’s making her see stars. The feeling of his teeth digging into her skin is an added stimulant to the already immense pleasure.

“Damn it you’re so tight. Feel so good wrapped around my cock, pretty girl. You satisfied now that I’m giving you what you want, huh?” He grunts out, nipping at her jawline as all she does is keen and moan, too overwhelmed with how good he’s making her feel. “Spoiled little thing, gonna fuck that right out of this tight little body. So you can learn, fuck, learn how not to be such a fucking pain in my ass.”

She’s too wrapped up in the feeling of him brushing up against her cervix to fully process what he is saying against her skin. Their lips slant over each other as they kiss messily, the way he fucks her making her brain melt.

There’s no thoughts up there, just the feeling of him as he continues to break her open with his delicious cock.

His hands fall down to her waist, holding on tightly as he goes from languid thrusts to a quicker, more brutal pace as they chase their orgasms.

She’s glad that they’re far away enough to where no one can interrupt this moment, though the idea of there being an onlooker does entice her more than she’d ever admit.

Her legs tighten around his waist, the pointed heel of her shoes digging into his backside as she feels a knot forming at the pit of her stomach, indicating that she isn’t far from coming undone.

“C’mon nena, be a good girl and let go,” His thumb finds itself being pressed against her soft lips and immediately she opens her mouth, licking around then sucking the digit and maintaining eye contact through it all. It has Javier grunting out a few expletives before letting his saliva coated thumb drop between them, rubbing tight circles against her clit.

This has her clenching around him and crying out, which causes a smirk to tug at his lips as he puts more pressure onto her clit.” Tan bonita así, toda lista para mi. (So pretty like this, all ready for me)”

She tugs harshly at his hair at the sound of his Spanish, her arousal topples over and her second orgasm hits her like toppling bricks. She squeezes his cock tightly inside her, her legs an iron grip on his waist as she bites down harshly on her bottom lip, almost drawing blood, to keep her intense whimpers and moans from spilling out and drawing attention to them.

Satisfied that he’s made her unravel on him, Javier fucks her through her orgasm relentlessly until he’s spilling into the condom, burying his face in her neck, right where he can feel her pulse, and grazing the skin with his teeth. He wants to leave a mark, for her to walk around with evidence of him on her body but that’d be a wrong move atop of all the other wrong moves he’s made tonight.

Paloma breathes heavily, mind hazy as she tries to recollect herself from the throes of passion bestowed upon her by Javier Peña. They stay there, embraced in one another before he pulls out of her with a grunt and she whines at the loss of him.

Her legs unwrap from his waist as he tentatively sets her down, discarding of the condom into the water as he tucks himself back into his pants and she pulls her dress down, not even bothered by the fact that he ripped her underwear right off of her.

“That was a mistake.”

His statement cuts through the night air and she’s already struggling to catch her footing on wobbly legs, the effect of being fucked hard and good.

“Javi––”

“No, Paloma, I’m fucking serious.” He asserts, his voice taking on a sharp edge, landing like a heavy blow on her already rattled nerves.

“All that sentimental bullshit you were saying before… it means nothing to me. You’re just a distraction–– a pretty face that’s been keeping me from doing my damn job. Now, there’s another life lost, and instead of finding answers, I’m too busy babysitting you.”

“Don’t you dare pin your incompetence on me, Javier,” She shoots back, her tone tinged with anger and frustration,” I’ve seen my father struggle with this bullshit for months now–– it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you. S’not my fault you’re not as clever as everyone thinks you are. All the praise you get for being such a fuckin’ hero and yet… look at you. Unable to meet the expectations.”

She adjusts the thin straps of her dress back up her shoulder, wincing slightly as she brushes against the bite mark he accidentally left against her skin, knowing that she’s going to feel that atop of the soreness between her legs after this.

She braces herself for the inevitable discomfort that will follow, both physically and emotionally.

Javier’s jaw tightens, muscles rippling beneath his skin as he fights to maintain his composure. He knows better than to let her words get to him the way that they are.

This is exactly what they need, some intense fight to fully shatter the illusion of their involvement.

“Look at you, Paloma,” He sneers, his words dripping with contempt as he levels a scornful gaze at her. “Throwing yourself at me every chance you get like a whore. I used to pay for shit like this, but you? Oh, I didn’t spare a fucking dime. Giving it all up for free.”

Her jaw drops, a surge of anger and indignation flooding her senses as his words cut through her like a knife. She raises her hand instinctively, intent on delivering a stinging rebuke in the form of a slap across his jaw. But before she can make contact, his grip tightens around her wrist, arresting her movement with an iron grip.

“Don’t be stupid, querida,” He mocks her, his voice laced with disdain as he delivers each word like a venomous dagger. “Now that I fucked you one good time: Leave. Me. Alone. How ’bout you go back inside and fraternize with the mayor. I’m sure he’s eager to give you all the male validation you’re clearly chasing after.” He tilts his head, glaring at her in contempt. “Better yet, run off to your junkie, criminal boyfriend; won’t be long before he knocks you up and you’re stuck living in a run down trailer park in this shitty fucking town.”

Paloma’s heart shatters at his callous words, tears welling up in her eyes and streaming down her cheeks unchecked. She gazes up at Javier, but the man before her is no longer the sweet, charming figure she thought she knew. His eyes, once warm and inviting, now glint with coldness and malice, rendering him unrecognizable to her.

“Fuck you,” She spits, wrenching her hand free from his grip with a mixture of anger and hurt flashing in her eyes. Despite the tears welling up, she summons every ounce of defiance to shoot him a disdainful glare. “You’re a piece of shit, Javier Peña.”

With those final words, ones he’s heard a plethora of times before, she whirls around, her footsteps echoing loudly on the wooden stairs as she races to the nearest bathroom.

Ignoring the throbbing ache between her legs, she finds solace in the confines of the lavish restroom, allowing herself to unleash the torrent of tears pent up inside. Feeling foolish and utterly used, she wonders how she could have ever fallen for a man like him.

Meanwhile, Javier is left grappling with the sight of her heartbreak now etched into his memory. Pushing aside his own conflicted emotions, he knows he can’t afford to let their tangled affair distract him any longer.

This is what you both needed. He reminds himself, looking out into the water as the silver moonlight reflects off of the surface. Harsh, but she’ll get over it.

With a resigned sigh, he retrieves another cigarette, the familiar ritual offering a fleeting sense of calm amidst the storm raging about.

#javier peña smut #javier pena fanfic #pedro pascal #pedro pascal smut #javier pena smut #javier pena fic #javier pena narcos #javier peña narcos #pedro pascal fanfic #javier peña fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal character fanfic #narcos fanfiction #narcos fic #javier peña x ofc #javier pena fanfiction #javier peña fic

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malwaredykes · 3 months

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I'm so curious to know what your favorite dlc is! And if it's Old World Blues(mine too) then what's your second favorite?

AND which dlc would be Leigh's favorite experience?

i actually picked up honest hearts as the beginning of my Refreshing My Memories Of The DLCs campaign, as its been a hot minute since i last went through them.

But, yeah, old world blues is my favorite! its got its highs and lows, and for sure the quests arent The most fun, but i think its just overall really charming. sure, tonally its a bizarre addition, but thats what makes it work.

i REALLY dont like the dlcs overall though asjkhkjfhsdkj. ive complained before about what the addition of ulysses' plotline does to the games story, which is to say it cheapens it A LOT through unnecessary contrived backstory. ive also complained before about ulysses himself being suuuuch a deeply insufferable instance of Chris Avellone Character which is a shame because he couldve been awesome. i rly dig the whole "many couriers in the mojave are caesar's spies" and as far as ~legion-sympathetic companions~ go i think "ex-legion guy with a long complicated history with caesar, whos disillusioned with pretty much every existing faction, and whos just kinda weird and with experiences far removed from yours" would probably be the best way to do it. i also think jotchua graham cracker is kind of... i dont wanna say a complete disappointment because i Dont mind him being a mormon who went on to be caesar's legate and who then Found Jesus Again, i think thats kind of great and hilarious actually. obviously the way honest hearts frames it is aaaawful but the "mormon -> Outright Genocidal Fascist Leading An Imperial Campaign As In Literally Building An Empire -> born again christian who thinks hes saving everyone around him with his faith in his lord jesus christ may he save you as he saved josh" pipeline kind of rules like. yeah lmao. but aside from that as The Burned Man i just donnnnt like what hes got going on. like first of all thats not really how burn scars work. id get into more detail here wrt post-healing discomfort and scar compression but Anyway. hes just. not what i expected from a guy who got set on fire and then fell down a canyon lmao. he should be Wrecked. the explanation of how he survived is such a cop-out too and honestly the line about surviving because the fire within him etc fully deserves to be on etsy products because it absolutely is some This Is My Fight Song bullshit like its such a meme. idk. the lack of physically disabled characters in fallout has always bothered me a lot, and in this case, like, yeah the scars are disabling, he is disabled, but youd think the Falling Down A Canyon part wouldve permanently affected him too.

ANYWAY enough about that. my second favorite, if one can say that, is dead money. the characters are very likeable... the dlc itself is kind of hellish though. like its just Not Fun. but we get to meet veronica's ex gf AND dean domino and dog/god are awesome.

and as for which one leigh has the most fun in i have to say honest hearts purely because it takes part somewhere really nice. like shes loving the place She Really Needed This. whereas the other dlcs are kind of

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pendarling · 7 months

Text

Top 15 Best out of 50(1)

Nobody asked for it, and I have a million requests in my inbox (I'll get to it, I should rly consider turning it off), but here is a list of my personal favourite hero x villain stories I've written and I will rank them from best to still best but, I definitely could've done better, and I will not rank stories that I feel I don't want to. I'm only putting like 15 of the best out of the 50. Technically, I have 51 stories, but I lost one of them somewhere in the wreckage.

Letters & Masks: Why? Because it's literally got everything. Jealousy, captivity, secrets, crazy level of intimacy and professionalism. All in a sweet little bundle. I dunno abt yall but I defo ate here.

List: This oneeeeeee I already wrote a part two draft and someone asked me to write up a part two after I went to sleep. Needless to say, yes, sir, it is coming. I only write good stories at 4 am and I made this one in a single sitting.

Do You Like Me?: I don't remember the specific details here all I remember is there was a lot of teasing which I personally enjoy. Hero meanwhile is in denial that they like them.

In Your Lap: I wish I had more to write here but to keep it short and sweet sometimes is the best. It's straightforward no bullshit maze before we get to the main subject. We just dive right in. Tension.

Remember Last Night: Lore. And I genuinely do wanna write a continuation, the problem is I have a million drafts. I think someone did ask for a continuation but idk. A lot of ppl actually req and I'm just a uni student

Praise: AAAAAAAAA manipulation at its finest. Like are they genuine with their feelings? or are they fucking with Hero's mind??

Taken: Captivity my beloved. It's more a Citizen x Villain and left up to interpretation. A few people asked for a second part of this as well (I'm sorrrrrrrryyy).

Winter Boots: Villain subtly flirting with Hero <3

Plushie: AWWWEEEE Hero is a sweetheart. They bought a plushie of Villain. I was also going write more for this but it was literally 6 am and I needed to fix my sleep schedule.

A Kiss To Freedom: It's a bit hot actually, captivity again.

Ring of Engagement: In summary, Villain assumes Hero is engaged and then we have mild spice. Might as well be salt. But the reason why it's on this list is for the level of comfort that follows after (\\\^_^\\\)

Aggressive: Kink reveal

The Town Theatre: ATLA reference actually

Perfect Timing: Lore again, I really like it, I don't think I'll truly let go of time travel stories. They're all so unique

No Date For Valentine's Day: Villain rips on Hero for being without a Valentine then asks them out on a date hahahaha. I had fun writing it and I hope to do something next year too!~

~~~

MASTERLIST

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fagbearentertainment · 23 days

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Alright, I'm off-anon now, since you said yes!

(Also, slight mistake with what I said, she's in the second, third, and fourth movie, as well as the animated wedding special. She is not in the first one 😅)

His legal name is Tobias 'Toby' Tastic but also goes by Kain when attempting to do things anonymously. Most other kids are convinced Turbo has two kids and he just never tells anyone about the other one.

It's a fantastic mechanic and is actually one of the only kids on Cruella De Vil's good side since it can look after her car for her. Works in its father's candy shop on the Isle most days but is also a tech guy for my three musically inclined fan Descendants.

He wants to be a racer like his father but doesn't exactly have the opportunity to do that on the Isle. That doesn't stop him from trying to increase his speed however he can, though, and is the proud owner of the only pair of roller blades and skateboard on the Isle. His passion project is a go-kart he's been trying to get to work for years.

He looks like this :3

(The shirt under his jacket is a white lace crop top to match King Candy's high collar thing, since it's not shown very well, here.)

Do you have any ideas on what to do with him to make him seem a bit more connected to the world of Wreck-It Ralph? (Ignore how he's from a video game but is real here - the whale from Pinocchio owns a bakery on the Isle, nothing makes sense, anyway). I was thinking about giving him Vanellope's glitch powers when he's outside of the Isle's anti-magic barrier but I wasn't sure if that's good. Also I wanna fit a relationship to Sour Bill in there somewhere.

(Also, I GREATLY appreciate the amount of Turbo you've been putting on my dash, lately. I can never dedicate to scrolling through a tag for long enough to find anything new 😅)

Omg he’s so cool!!! :D

I think the glitch power could be rly cool, that’s a fun way to connect him to video games!

#wreck it ralph

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blankerthought · 7 months

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transcription of george's stream

I wanted to put this somewhere so that people could access it, any spelling mistakes are my own error, i tried my best.

George states that he pre-recorded this due to several screenshots he has that add to his points and due to the fact that he wanted this to be done as perfectly accurate as it happened. He says he’s telling the whole story, so while some things may seem irrelevant, he’s including them to lay out all the facts.

TRANSCRIPT

Okay, so, this is my side of the story of the 2 times that I ever interacted with caiti in real life. So the first time that I met her it was in Dream’s hotel room at vidcon . To give context about Dream’s hotel room, essentially it was a bigger room than average, it’s not just a bed in a room like a typical hotel room is. Essentially it’s, there was a living room, there was a table, and the bedroom was separated from it. And for this reason we used his hotel room essentially as a place where all of our friends would hang out in. Vidcon is a 4 day long event, so we actually used it quite frequently throughout these four days, and we had creators, friends, in and out of these rooms throughout the whole event.

The first night that I actually met caiti, I was with Dream in his hotel room, and Dream was in a groupchat with 5 other people. These 5 people include: caitibugs, her best friend, and three other of her friends. Now, these five people, they were at an official vidcon afterparty and they wanted to, they wanted Dream to go meet up with them and hang out with them. But Dream didn’t actually want to hang out with them, and the reason is because at the time he was wearing his Dream mask a lot and he felt uncomfortable wearing it, because it’s just, the whole mask on your face, so he just didn’t wanna go to the party particularly. He even suggested that they shouldn't come because he was assuming that they were having more fun where they were.

[Image 1 appears on camera at this point, at the left side of the screen. It’s a screenshot from a text conversation (presumably twitter), though it doesn’t specify who the messages are from. Transcriptor will be referring to the person sending messages to the phone as 1 and the person whose phone it is as 2. It reads:

1- what if ghostie and caitie come back w me too

2 - maybe

idk what my friendos are up to

i’m still at corn dogs with some friends

but leaving shortly

1- wanna play that game from last night

2- it might just be us 4

for a bit at least

1- well make it fun

2- I don’t want to take them away from the party

The last message from 2 is highlighted. End image 1 ID.]

They reassured him that that wasn’t the case, they were bored, and they wanted to come.

[Image 2 appears on the screen. More messages, presumably same people as image 1.

2- are ghost and caiti having fun

1- not rly

[short message censored by a red bar]

would u be ok if we come over?

End image 2 ID.]

So now these 5 people are trying to come to the hotel, but the problem with that is, to get into the hotel you need to have a vidcon creator badge and only 2 of the people in the groupchat actually had this badge, that was Caitie and her best friend.

[Image 3 appears on screen. A vidcon creator badge is shown. End ID.]

[Image 4 appears on screen. Text messages from someone whose name and pic are blocked with a red bar. Their texts read: passed to the hyatt? passes? 2 out of 5. End ID.]

So eventually what happened is Caitie and two of her other friends came to Dream’s hotel room. This was my first time actually meeting them in real life, I didn’t even know who they were before meeting them. And then we essentially just were playing drinking games in the hotel room, we were just having fun, talking with each other, nothing crazy in particular.

Now one thing Caitie said retrospectivly, looking back at the scenario, is that I was flirting with her throughout the night and that she was uncomfortable with this because of our age difference. At the time she was 18 and I was 26. She actually assumed I didn’t know her age because she had never said it but then later I had DM’d her on Instagram and because of this she said that it is confirmed that I know her age. To give context to this scenario and to why I didn’t know her age, my perspective of things is that I am with people that are over the age of 21, in a scenario where we are doing things that people over the age of 21 are doing, like drinking, and also the people that came, came from an event where they have very heavy security.

This was an official vidcon afterparty and with previous vidcon afterparties I’ve even had problems getting into these events. There was one time where they didn’t let me in because they couldn’t confirm the legitimacy of my UK ID, they said they weren’t trained to look at foreign IDs, so they didn’t even let me in despite me being 26 at the time.

And also since caiti’s stream, I’ve gone back and reviewed texts from that time, and there was actually a picture where it was shown that they have this 21+ wristband on one of their wrists.

[Image 5 appears on screen. It is a cropped picture of someone’s arm with a wristband reading “Over 21” . End picture 5 ID.]

So from my perspective, it’s a bunch of 21+ year olds… hanging out. I had no reason to think otherwise. Other than her Instagram bio, but I just didn’t see it. But anyway, nothing actually particularly happened at this first night that we were hanging out, everything was very friendly, we went our separate ways, and that was the end of the first night.

Then the second time that we hung out was the next night after this. So we wake up the next day, we do vidcon stuff, after we’re done that’s the final day of vidcon, so vidcon is now technically over but we have one more night at the hotel before we need to leave next morning. And actually at this point I actually had a friend that I’d only known online meet up with me for the first time. And the whole time I had known him he had lived in a different country, he was actually living in Japan. And I told him I was going to vidcon and he actually just happened to be in California at the same date so the dates aligned and we made plans to meet up.

[Image 6. Screenshots of a text conversation between George and his friend. They will be referred to as G and F. Texts read:

G- I think you’re probably good to come but possibly if we go somewhere you won’t be able to get in and that would be an L lol

I have an extra bed in my room so you can stay extra if you want (winky face emoji)

I’m busy until like 5pm but should be good after that

F- Fuck yea ill be there sat

End image 6 ID.]

Now, he arrived early evening, I think it was around 5-6 pm. We were just hanging out in my room. Dream messaged me “I’m bored”, “can you come to my room, let’s hang out” essentially.

[Image 7. Screenshots of texts between Dream and George. Texts read:

Dream – or we can do something else rn

George – I have my friend with me

Japanese guy from TeamSpeak lol

lmd what we do

Dream – who’re you with now

George – Just my friend

Dream – are you just in your room

George – Yeah

Dream – do you wanna come to mine

1607

End image 7 ID.]

That’s what we did; me and my friend, that I just met- physically, I mean I knew him online- went up to Dream’s room and we were hanging out. And again, the same scenario happens from the night before. They are trying to get him to go out to another party that they were at, and same story, Dream didn’t wanna go but was open to them coming here.

[Image 8. Screenshots of a text conversation. Two people’s names are censored by red and blue bars, but Dream is presumably person being texted. Texts read:

Red – clay.

i can’t believe you didn’t come.

this is devastating.

Dream – the ops are here

are you still there

Blue -L

come

End image 8 ID.]

And again, that is what happened. This time, the friends were actually all able to get in, I don’t know how they did it. But Caitie, her best friend, and three other of her friends ended up coming to the room which had me, Dream, and my online friend that I’d just met. So eight people total in this room at this point.

This night was very similar to the one before, we were just hanging out, playing games, drinking, and just having a good time. There’s another thing I wanna point out before I continue with the rest of the story, it’s the way that she phrases some things in her story. Instead of saying that her and the rest of her friends had wanted to come to the hotel to come hang out with us, she said that one friend was invited by Dream but she didn’t want to go alone. So then they decided to go along with her because they were willing to go anywhere.

[Image 9. A screenshot of a series of texts between someone censored by a red bar and the person receiving the texts, presumably Dream. The first person will be nicknamed Red for brevity.

Dream - could you borrow a pass or two

Red – YES

[censored] JUST GOT ONE

LMFAOOO

Dream – try and get one for [censored]

Red – on a mission

(Saluting emoji)

End image 9 ID.

I just think that it’s important to know already that their story is slightly different from the reality of it and I’ll be mentioning this a few more times throughout the rest of the story.

[Image 10. Screenshots between four people; three are censored with light blue, red, and blue respectively, and the last is receiving the messages, presumably Dream. They will be nicknamed L, R and B respectively for brevity.

L – we’ll keep u updated if they removed the barriers

R – clay i need to piss SO BAD so whatever we are doing

we gotta speedrun it

B – that might be easier for us to get them in

HAHAHHA

Dream – yeah it’ll be quick

End image 10 ID.]

[Image 11. Screenshot of a single text censored by read. It reads [censored] and caiti coming back to hyatt. End image 11 ID.]

[Image 12. Screenshot of a text conversation between five people, four censored by different colors and the receiver, Dream. They will be nicknamed red, blue, green and light blue (R, B, G and L) for the sake of brevity. Texts read:

R – 13 min

our guy is speeding (skull emoji)

B – LMAOO

Dream – you guys are going to the parking lot, or where? we need to discretely give [censored light blue] a pass

R – idek

G – lets strat

L – kewl sounds splendid to me

G – good shit ok

R – my GOAT

Last text is cut off slightly. End image 12 ID.]

You can see in these screenshots from their texts at the time that they were all trying to come to the hotel and it wasn’t just “oh, we need to follow her” essentially. They were all in the groupchat, and part of the discussion to go to the hotel.

I also chose to mention my online friend, it doesn’t add to the story but she never chose to mention him or the eight person [at this point the words “she actually didn’t mention the 6th, 7th, or 8th person” appear on screen.] that she brought with. So, I’m just saying it because that’s how it happened, and I want to make sure the story’s straight.

Another thing that she talks about is how I insisted that she drinks more and that we insisted on playing drinking games when this isn’t the case. Again, they’d already been drinking at this party before they arrived to the hotel room, and they’d also been the ones that were asking to play the drinking games. Instead of us insisting that we play it, they were the ones that were asking us. And you can see that in the screenshots here.

[Image 13 ID. Screenshot of a text conversation between someone censored in red, Dream, and caiti. Texts read:

Red – clay what was that app you were using for the most likely to game

Dream – it’s my secret app that you can only access on my phone with me

ya know

Red – WOWWWW

caiti – stfu

i’ll find it

red – okay we’re going to the hotel right now to steal ur phone u fuck

caiti – (screenshot of the app Most Likely To)

End of image 13 ID.]

They actually texted multiple times, specifically wanting to play this drinking game that we’d played the night before.

[Image 14. Screenshot of a single text reading “wanna play that game from last night”. End image 14 ID.]

And at this point I was pretty drunk and so was basically everyone in this room. It was the last night of vidcon, vidcon’s a pretty stressful time, and honestly a lot of people are happy when it’s over. Not that they didn’t like it, but it’s just a stressful event, there’s a lot that you have to do, and when it’s over you’re just happy and you wanna celebrate.

So at this point we then move to the couch, there was a couch in the room, and I sit next to caiti. She also says looking back on the scenario that she confused her nerves for excitement when I sat next to her, but again at this moment in time everything was friendly, nothing sexual’d happened, I’m just literally sitting next to her on a couch. And during this she was laughing, smiling, gave no indication that she was uncomfortable with me sitting this close to her.

She also mentions that she was thinking about my age and that I was a lot older than her, again she was 18 and I was 26 at the time, and again to clarify I actually didn’t know how old she was, despite her claiming that I did just because it was in her bio. And it was clear to everyone there that she was not uncomfortable with me sitting next to her.

And eventually two of the people that came to the hotel room left. Then it was just down to me, Dream, my online friend, caiti, caiti’s best friend, and a 6th mutual friend. Next she says, this is a quote, “resorted to playing games on her phone to avoid the awkward situation”. Now I just don’t see how this is the case. She’s implying that she’s using her phone to essentially escape, y’know, such an awkward scenario that she’s in but that’s just not how it happened. And this is why. She brought up the phone game as a kind of a point. The game was a, honestly the central point of the interaction at this part of the night.

It was a very social thing, y’know, she was moving, passing the phone around, we’re all playing the game, and bantering about it, just having fun with the game. So I don’t see how she resorted to it and was using it in that context. She wasn’t being awkward at all, there was no sense of uncomfortablility from her, she was laughing and playing with everyone. And yeah, I’m not really sure why she phrased it like this.

[Image 15. Three images of George playing the game that they were playing at the party, his score, and a text of the image of him sent to caiti. End image 15 ID.]

We actually continued to send each other high score updates even weeks after the event. To add further context to this moment, we were all actually sitting on this couch in the hotel room playing this game on her phone. And during this, me and caiti were at the far end of the couch, we were cuddling together. We had been cuddling for, I’d say around an hour, at this point. Playing the game, talking, and just having fun. And for clarity I had my hand around her waist above her butt. So with her statement where she’s saying that she was resorting to playing games on her phone I just don’t really understand it and I think that the picture that she’s painting is really dark when in reality she seemed very happy with the situation. Just having a good time.

I also wanna address the fact that she claimed that confirmed that I would know her age, she said that she had answered a question about her age during a drinking game, that we were talking about sex and that she’d admitted to everyone in the room that she was 18 and a virgin at the time. I just don’t remember this happening, I’m not saying this to justpretend like it didn’thappen, I did not hear it happen. We’re not just all sitting down and not moving, you know, it’s a chaotic environment, I could’ve been getting a drink, I could’ve been talking to someone else, I just did not know that that was said.

Another quote from her stream I wanna address, she said “there was more alcohol in the room and we were encouraged to drink some more as they offered the bottles to us. They said they would join us in drinking and insisted on drinking games.” They had already been drinking before they arrived, they were drunk. And the way this is phrased makes us out to look like we’re kind of preying on them, and like forcing them to drink when they didn’t want to. When that’s not the case and as I mentioned earlier, they were even the ones asking to play the drinking games by the texts, before they even arrived.

But then this is when her most important claim happens, I’m just gonna read the quote, she says “Out of nowhere I felt him slipping his hand into my clothes, sitting next to him on the couch, in front of everyone. He disguised it with a simple ‘are you ticklish’, I coughed out a ‘no’ still staring at my phone. I was overly aware of the fact that we were in front of other people. The fact that everyone else was sitting around us, watching us, including my best friend, that his hand was inching further to places I hadn’t asked it to be.” Again, as I mentioned before, we’d previously been cuddling on this couch, for around an hour. But I did place my hand on her waist under her shirt. The way it was phrased makes it sound like it just happened out of nowhere when in reality we’d been cuddling for over an hour at this point and it was not out of nowhere.

It was also around until I started moving my hand further up and the way it’s phrased makes it seem like it happened pretty instantly and pretty quickly. There was nothing quick about it, it was very slow, and I was very cautious about it and making sure she was comfortable throughout the process. Me and caiti were very touchy, very cuddly, and very slowly got more intimate. I’ve always been overly cautious with consent and this is not just because I’m a creator. I’ve been like this since before I was a creator and I think this is just the way I am, just the way it should be. Nothing came out of nowhere, everything progressed very slowly, throughout the night. And also before I continue I wanna make it clear that the furthest anything ever got was under the shirt touching and cuddling.

Obviously people don’t typically ask if everything is okay, even such as touching someone on the waist under their shirt before they do it. But in this case I was extremely slow and she was engaging with me the entire time, laughing, cuddling with me, and even playfully fighting me through the game that we were playing. The quote that she said, “he disguised it with a simple ‘are you ticklish’, I coughed out a ‘no’”. She’s implying that I, with malicious intent, touched her and ‘she coughed out a no’ would imply that I should be able to tell that she was uncomfortable with it. She says “Later, he made it a game out of my embarrassment, where he would touch me in certain areas to make me lose the game I was playing.” Now, I actually remember this quite vividly, I remember she was playing the game and there were parts where it would be very easy to lose if you were distracted; and she’s right, I did do that. There were points where she was playing the game and there were points where it was easy for her to mess up, and I would tickle her, or like squeeze her and when I did this she would laugh, she would turn around and smile at me, or she would play-fight with me because I’d just made her lose the game.

She also says how, quote, “I didn’t speak or move, I remember being afraid to even breathe. I stayed there for a while hoping my stillness could make me disappear.” Now to reiterate, any time that I did this it was met with her either smiling, laughing, play-fighting with me, and there was no reason for me to believe that she was uncomfortable with it. She was not ‘not moving’, she was not ‘not speaking’. Of course, I don’t believe that silence is consent. I just want to make sure it is abundantly clear. She was visibly and physically responding well to everything that we were doing.

I also want to comment on how she said that she had to stand up after many minutes for it to stop. She did get up, multiple times, throughout the night, for example to go to the bathroom, to get a drink, also when her friends left she got up to say goodbye to them, and she would come back to the same scenario.

I also want to point out that her best friend was here throughout this whole… process, then afterwards he had to leave. And I think it is important to know that she made the choice to stay behind many hours more, and as I mentioned before, she did get up, say goodbye to them, and came back. They were even talking about staying up to 11 am which was the checkout time of the hotel, and because it was the final day we were like “oh I don’t know we wanna go to sleep for a few hours, might as well just stay up.” But that was not what ended up happening, and it’s at this time that caiti says, this is a quote, “I went to leave and the older guy then decided to leave too”. This is phrased in a way that makes me out to look kinda creepy, to be honest. She’s basically saying she left, so I decided to leave too, which is not the case. What actually happened is Dream had decided he was too tired and was going to bed, so the night was over and we all left.

She then goes on to tell a story about the elevator, and how I joked about it being broken to try to get her to go in with me. So caiti actually had her own hotel room on the same floor as Dream, so she actually walked over straight to the elevator when she didn’t have to, and said goodbye to me, which was nice of her. I did joke with her about coming in the elevator by pretending it was broken, I essentially went in to the elevator, the doors closed, and I would press the doors open button to make them open again. I did this a few times, and she didn’t go along with it, which I respect took, and I ended up going down to my room. She didn’t have to take the elevator yet she chose to walk with me to the elevator to say goodnight to me, which I think is interesting given how she’s saying how she was so upset with it.

But I also think these are comments of her looking back on the night and not her actual feelings at the time, and that’s essentially the end of the story, that’s what, she, the last time I’ve seen her in person was after those elevator doors closed.

We messaged for a bit after, through insta dms and snapchat and the way we talked to each other was pretty banterous, for example after the first time that we hung out but before the second she actually texted me and said “you better not be in Dream’s room tonight or I’m gonna shoot your leg”. Obviously she’s not gonna shoot my leg, we’re just messing around with each other. And I actually responded to her and said “guess what well I’m actually here right now”.

[Image 16. A single screenshot, timestamped for 3:31 AM. It reads: me [censored] and caiti coming back to hyatt. End image 16 ID.]

[Image 17. A screenshot of texts between caiti and George, timestamped for JUN 25 at 3:36 AM. Texts read:

caiti – if u come to dreams hotel again tonight i’m shooting ur leg

so don’t

George – Oh awkward

I’m in his room now

You’re not gunna do shit

The last message has been reacted to with a thumbs down. End image 17 ID.]

And yeah, after this we texted for a bit, sometimes daily, sometimes we would take a few days break, even a few weeks at some point. And at some point after vidcon we were actually both in London at the same time, and she let me know this through her DMs.

[Image 18. A screenshot of messages between caiti and George. Texts read:

George – (image of caiti’s contact. Underneath are the words “Business chat”. A Book now button appears.)

Stfu business

I can literally book you (skull emoji)

Caiti – WHAT

yeah i’m gonna need $10 bucks for this convo

please and thanks

George – I wouldn’t even pay $0.01 for this stupid conversation

You are a BAD business

caiti – yet your still here talking to my ass

dickhead

End image 18 ID.]

Now I will say she didn’t come out outright and say “I’m in London” but she did say that she’d gone to a place that was known to be a London thing, and I commented on that and asked her what she was doing in London.

[Image 19 ID. A screenshot of texts between caiti and George. Texts read:

George – You can’t say dickhead

That’s only for English people to say

Caiti – i just drank at spoons last night

I’d say i’m British enough

George – Oh shit maybe your are British wtf

Well I drank at Simmons bar last night and you probably don’t even know what that is so you’re less British than me

What are you doing in England

Caiti - rue said simmons bar was gay so.. awkward

and i’m living life!! The British way

parting cubbing.. etc

George - Using gay as insult

Typical from stupid business like u (rolling eyes emoji)

End image 19 ID.]

Just to clarify we did not meet up while in London nor make plans to do so. It was always extremely friendly to me, I was friendly to her, and honestly I was shocked to hear her say the things that she did say during her stream.

When I first opened up her stream it was after she’d already streamed it but not long after, so people hadn’t yet made the connection that it was connected to me, and when watching it I was like, I was actually interested in it, I was like okay, what’s this gonna be about? And then when she started saying more and more details I realized wait, this is about me. I was very, very confused, very shocked, and didn’t quite know what to think given I had no impression of any wrongdoing throughout this whole relationship that I had with her. Not at all, it was, if anything it was the opposite. I thought we had a pretty good relationship.

Despite the fact that we actually hadn’t talked in a while, I thought if I’d seen her in real life again, everything would be fine and we would be friends. It was actually around this point after vidcoin was finished that we were messaging and I found out her age. And since than I never pursued anything going forward, and essentially stopped messaging her. Our last message was august 1st, 2023 and I haven’t replied to her since then.

[Image 20. Screenshot of texts between caiti and George. Texts read:

George – (Image that reads “Your inquiry is pending”, scheduled for 2028)

Ok I scheduled an appointment for my next available time slot

See you then (thumbs up emoji)

caiti (sent at august 1st) – (two fuck you emojis). (Edited are the words “sarcasm” with an arrow pointed to the emojis.)

End image 20 ID.]

After I watched her stream I was pretty confused, I didn’t understand how her account of the story had been so different from what actually happened. A lot of the facts of what she said just didn’t happen at all, or were phrased in ways that just made me look as bad as possible. Saying things like “I insisted on her playing drinking games”, or that “she was frozen in place”, or that she was scared. She was having fun, she was enjoying herself, she was saying this with her body language, with the way that she smiled, with the way that she laughed, and just her overall general demeanor.

One thing that I think is very important to differentiate in here is that I do believe that she regrets being affectionate with me, and that really does make me feel terrible, I never want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or regret their interactions with me, or anything along those lines. Regardless of if it’s sexual or not, I am truly, really sorry if I’ve contributed towards that. But it’s important to differentiate that she was uncomfortable with this after the fact and not during. She says, quote, “at the time, I convinced myself that I was lucky. I was lucky that it had happened to me. I was exited to be around such big creators, to be at that convention in general”. I actually had a similar scenario to this, where I was in a sexual, I had a sexual experience with someone where in the moment, I was perfectly happy with it happening but afterwards I regretted it. And I’m not saying this to get any form of sympathy, I’m not looking for that, that is not the case at all, I’m just simply saying this because I can see this similarities in the situation.

Now, I’m not mad at the person I was in this situation with at all, I have no negative thoughts on them, I simply did not like how it ended up and if I could go back and not do it, I wouldn’t have. I wanted to do it in the moment but then changed my mind later. Which is completely valid, you’re completely allowed to feel that way. But what isn’t okay and I feel is completely unfair is to act as if I am the bad person in this scenario because you changed your mind later.

I also want to separate this from abuse and certain scenarios that other people have dealt with recently or just in general. I think it’s completely fine to come to terms with your abuse over time and realize that it was bad for you and a terrible situation to be in and then look badly back on that person. That is completely valid but this is completely different. Again, this all happened within a four hour period, three-four hour period and I was not given any signs of discomfort, unhappiness or anything along those lines. And again, it was the opposite of that. She was happy, she was smiling, she was laughing, and as far as I know everyone else in the room would’ve thought the same at the time.

So now what I’m thinking is why would she come out and say it like this, why is she saying this. Now I don’t think that she’s purposefully being malicious, or trying to hurt me, or ruin my career or anything like that. What I do think is that she is surrounded by a friend group that completely despises me and my friend group. And this is quite a specific scenario that probably doesn’t happen that much, especially in public, so it’s kind of weird, it’s kind of hard to talk about it. But I think after vidcon she, obviously told some of her friends about what happened, whether or not that was in a negative connotation I do not know, I wasn’t part of these conversations of course, but she fully told them about this scenario. And when these people who are around you all completely despise me and my friends, they’re obviously going to look on this poorly.

To add context in all of this she actually mentions in her stream, I’ll just quote it, “I remember a friend seeing me in the lobby on the way and they were worried about the way I was acting and asked if I was okay. I was really drunk and it was really feeling like they could sense something was wrong.” Now, this person is in caiti’s friend group, and they were concerned that a group of 5 people were going up to Dream’s room to join up 3 additional people. Which is an interesting concern to have, I actually heard from another source that overheard this conversation and thought it was quite strange that she was worried this. I think it feels very likely that after 8 months of you being around friends that hate me and my friends and are constantly talking badly about us publicly as well and privately, don’t know what they say privately but can’t be any better than what they say publicly, obviously that is going to affect the way that you look at that experience. And it’s going to make you look at it a bit differently, you’re going to second guess it, you’re going to be thinking about it, and clearly it changed the way that she thought about it. And I think it’s completely unfair to judge me and my actions based on how you feel about it now, 8 months later, vs how you feel about it at the time. Because at the time, you were not uncomfortable with it, and I know I’m repeating myself a million times but I have to, you were smiling, happy, laughing, playing along with it, everythting.

And that’s all I really have to say on the matter. Still keep supporting victims.

#georgenotfound #this is to provide info if you come to me for opinions or say shit i dislike in tags you're getting banned #transcription

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earlysunshines · 8 days

Note

Hi Hi Hiii this is so sudden but!!

If you were to plan a city date, where'd you wanna go and what would you wanna do!?

I've never planned out or go on one so I have no idea where to start...

-🧜‍♀️(i dunno if u have that emoji anon but i'll just choose that <3)

OOHHH i love this question i live in a very urban area so YAY ok ok this is perfect i got u i hope youre askig this bc you have to go on a city date

for me i prefer evening to night because the air is cooler and i feel like ppl get more sentimental at night so it's a good way to just be real with the person you're with!!! i rec getting dinner somewhere, it doesn't have to be fancy i mean my last first date with my valentine i had this year was literally at a chicken place but we ended up walking around for a while and then getting ice cream LOL

what im trying to get at is start simple, simplicity is key in preventing complexities like facades and when you're dating you want to get to know someone for who they are. I esp recommend walking all over the city (im a big fan of walking and dilly dallying) because certain views and the surroundings can spark random stories or small talk which can be difficult with someone you're not used to dating!

i actually have a city date (platonic) planned for this friday and we're going to get korean fried chicken, walk around and take pictures + just hang and talk, go to the bookstore, and settle down someplace to talk more and i hate using this word but cuddle (platonic very platonic) and yeah i owuld just recommend: eat, walk, talk, and maybe grab some drinks if you'd like. just have fun! don't think too much and don't over plan, just have a basis bc unorganized things that are too spontaneous (at least for me) can go wrong rly easily.

also DEF go at night i feel like ppl always look better at night when the light hits their features a certain way and somethign about the later hours like the evening is just so wonderful!!! plus the city lights and strolling around trying to find places that are open LOL

good luck on your date!!!

#🧜‍♀️anon

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broodsys · 11 months

Text

ive been thinking about this a lot lately and kinda just wanna say it somewhere.

that said, feel free to just scroll on by bc this is heavy. also super long? i just- needed to get it off my chest, kinda.

cw: sexual assault, alcohol and drug use

so, in highschool there were these two guys who were in my friend group but i wasn't rly friends with, we'll just say L and N. L had an obvious crush on me and kept trying to get me to date him even tho i had a boyfriend and he knew my boyfriend - once i ended up going on a date with him bc my autistic ass thought he was just trying to hang out, lmao. anyway, it was awkward, esp once my friends told me uhhh no that was a date? u just described a date.

N was a lot more chill but also kinda... he was nice and all, genuinely nice, but he was also one of those no no i'm not sexist i'm an equal-opportunity hater haha! guys. so i wasn't rly close with either of them

but when i went to college they were the only two ppl i already knew and i was rly overwhelmed about being all alone on campus at first, so i ended up spending quite a bit more time with both of them, in and out of school. and it was fun when it was the three of us! they were amusingly raunchy and we talked a lot about related subjects and went on walks together and idk, it was nice. this was before i realized i was trans but i think it fulfilled a Just One Of The Guys need i had at that time

got p close with both of them, esp L. ended up at his house by myself quite frequently. and, well, we drank - this being before i realized i had a unrelated liver disease. and by this point i was out as trans and my family was AWFUL about using the right pronouns and i had no in-person connections who used the right pronouns and i was... p desperate for validation. while also using both alcohol and weed quite heavily to cope

so, yknow... hang out with someone who calls me 'he', talk about gender shit, sigh and go along with the eight million dumb YT videos he wanted to show me, but whatever, i got free liquor and it was smth to do, right? i was even able to lean into being a system around him! that was super validating.

so, surprise surprise, we ended up becoming kinda fuckbuddies. and i was okay with that - p open that i wasn't interested in a relationship but like, sure, we can fuck around. so we did. usually drunk. usually quite drunk. but that was okay because there was still consent going on

but i had one very clear, very explicit boundary. and once he started to cross it - i called him out on it and he pushed back and i had to tell him to stop several times. it wasn't like... aggressive? just very, very coercive. took me a long time to accept that it was still a form of rape. hell, i still struggle to type that out, i want to add caveats to it. but it just was. and that was the big change for me, when i realized he wasn't actually going to respect my boundaries. still hung out with him for a while after that and we had sex a few more times while i was processing my feelings about everything and trying to accept that he was in the wrong and i had a right to be upset

but after that, i just started feeling rly shitty on the walk home whenever i left him. there were subspace/subdrop issues at play, too, which was another brand-new discovery for me, and no aftercare ever, but it was... yeah. it was bad.

still, took me a while to break off the relationship. i was actually at a conference for a school thing when i did it, because being around ppl who saw me as a man, who respected me, who treated me kindly... it totally changed how i saw interpersonal dynamics. like, that whole experience was a MASSIVE wake-up call for me. so that was when i cut him out of my life

now, oddly, this story isn't about L. it's about N.

afaik, N had no idea about any of this. but a while ago, idk probably over a year now, he sent me a nice text mentioning that he didn't know why we'd fallen out of touch. and i usually delete texts after a while but i still have that one. sometimes i want to reply - not telling him the details, just like 'yeah so me and L had smth weird and i didn't want to put u in a position where u had to choose' but also just- memories, yknow? i associate them together very strongly bc the three of us spent sm time together

but i still feel kinda bad. kinda miss N. i saw him become a better person while i saw L kinda become a worse person. i just feel... idk. torn? ultimately i gotta take care of me because no one else can, but i think about him quite often, and about that text i've never replied to. and i also spent time with N alone, and it was just chill. he never tried to fuck me. when i slept over he let me have his bed and made sure there were fresh sheets and everything. he watched me play videogames at his house and let me spend forever on character customization and made sure i had vegetarian food to eat. he was nice, without any strings attached. and we talked about, shit, everything. once we walked for hours and hours - p much the entire night - just talking. he rly opened up to me a lot, and i opened up to him - not about everything and not about anything with L, but about a lot of other stuff. it was an important friendship.

and i just... i regret losing that a lot. i've been thinking about both of them a lot recently. part of it is just coming head to head with things i was using weed to repress now that i've been sober for a while, granted. bc i've been thinking about a lot of things in my past recently.

relationships are messy. but i regret that a good friendship got stained by a bad one.

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cloverwood · 4 months

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☾ ﾟ｡⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ﾟName Hoard ⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡☁︎｡｡ﾟ

just a little living post for me to keep all the names I've started collecting. It's actually something I started doing long before my awakening just by chance (having usernames/nicknames for different friends or groups and realising that felt rly good) so now that I'm doing it more consciously I just want somewhere I can keep track of them. Kinda wanted somewhere a bit more private and I might end up moving to my diary discord but I also think its nice and wanna be able to share it so. For now I'll make it a post :3

I've realised that the "main" name I've been going by, since I was like 13 always felt kinda? odd? like it was my NAME but not in a 'this is me way' and more of a 'this is the mouthsounds one makes to get my attention' kinda way. like how one would name a dog. if that makes sense? as a wakened fae entitity, i've realised i may (or may not) have some sort of "true" name, but if i do I don't know of it yet. But every other name I go by or collected so far are what I call "utility names" and I think that's useful to know too <3

Each name sometimes has rules or fun little bits of info hence why I wanted to write it out like this. But if someone knows of a site similar to that pronouns tracker one but for names that would be kewl :3

Nix - meatspace name, ie; "real" chosen name. real in brackets bc it's what I say to ppl when I dont have the energy to discuss my name thing. What my friends and family call me, how I'm credited in my TV/film work, etc. What I'll probably change my legal name to eventually. Anyone can call me this.

[deadname] - a name that has since achieved it's purpose and is no longer of use to me. No one can call me this.

Helio - my artist/online username. shortened version of my full usernames (heliocanix. heliosynchronisity and others). Realised I also like being called this in online spaces but even irl i suppose. Kind of a secondary name. Anyone can call me this.

Neifion - my "utility" fairy name. Mostly just for fun and as a way to talk abt my fairy experiences separately from my human ones. Mostly just found it in order to easily describe "who" im drawing in my fairy self portraits when I'm too shy to say its just me. Only other fae can call me this.

Clover - just a name I recently realised i connect to quite well, surprisingly unaware that it was literally half of this blogs name at the time :'D but it makes a lot of sense. One of my earliest OCs was named clover and she had plant powers hehe. Feels connected both to my rabbit identity and fairy identity. Currently only my romantic partner can call me this. Thought it could make a nice thing to share between us, as well as the only person I would be comfy using it.

Angel - my kink pseudonym/persona/nickname, used when I'm at events or during scenes with play partners. Only people in my local scene can call me this.

[any sort of pet name] - certain partners use petnames or nicknames for me, changes depending on human or circumstance. Obvs, only partner's can use these.

N - shortened form of Nix, what I use when my name isnt important, surveys, emails etc. Considered making this my legal name but figured it would cause more problems than it solves. Interestingly this does feel the closest to what could be my "true" name but i have a feelings it's because said name might not be translatable or comprehendable to human speech. anyone can call me this, if they want?

NIX - all capitalised, my fine art name/persona. May change may not, I sign off and credit all my work to my name stylized like this. No surname. Only really applicable in these settings.

#otherkin #fairykin #faekin #alterhuman #fairykin tag #about me #wow thats already a lot more than i was expecting lol #im expecting to pick up more over time - i vaguely remember seeing a name recently that i liked but cant remember oops #i may end up adding lots more haha tho many might just be names i like but have no real practical uses so might just end up in a pile

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alienssstufff · 2 years

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If you get the time and inclination pls do share with us your beef with the existing zombie apocalypse genre, I have my own feelings about it (I think it overshadows other types of fictional apocalypses a bit too much in most ppl's heads) but I'd love hearing someone else's take on it (and also how you would improve the genre if you like :3 )

oh ABSOLUTELY it does! One way its probably the easiest type of apocalypses to write abt just cuz there’s already so many and such an established I guess wwww scenario and tropes to it (?) In consequence bc of how ‘easy’ it is, it becomes so damn samey and the zombie apocalypse genre (and apocalypses genres as a whole) gets such bad rep for that reason. [The rest atp is me ranting abt zombie apocalypses specifically those are the ones I have beef with]

When I ask ppl why they don’t like apocalyptic stories most answers is just the amount of carnage that’s in them it’s horrible— to put it better: unnecessary violence in an already terrible world is what they think abt. When people think of apocalypse stories they think of the movies made in Hollywood. Muscular, American white man whos good at everything who kicks ass and saves the world singlehandedly. And the rep for zombie-driven games aren’t any better either… Not saying that stories of kicking ass taking names are ALL bad but most of it is very surface level reasoning as to why . That being said I wish there was more focus on mental health in zombie stories, realisations that the world ended and they’ll never go back to how it was before, instances of the struggles of learning how to adapt to this new way of living. There’s many topics that could be discussed and so many themes that haven’t been fully developed (or done poorly) in zombie apocalypses but seldom media’s deliver u_u

I think the zombie stories that stand out to me the most are the ones that revolve around normal people. There’s an vid essay somewhere that talks abt the success of Train to Busan as a movie, it’s still just as action packed as the ones above but it’s also rly freaking emotional as the characters and cultural themes they represent can hit p close to home for the target demographic. Also I cannot recommend enough Gakkou Gurashi (School Live)! It’s almost never talked about solely cuz of Episode 1 and even now I’m trying to be as vague as I can Please watch that anime/manga you will not regret it.

And finally worldbuilding always a sucker for worldbuilding I need more of it. Not how to stop it but more of How The Hell we fucked up that badly to ended up in this situation. Give me zombie stories of patient 0s, pov scientists fumbling in the lab etc I want THAT. I freaking love the worldbuilding in The Last of Us , such a unique way in designing zombies inspirations from real life (I believe funghi that controls dead ants). That freaking hospital part in TLOU2 will always have a lasting impression on me the environmental storytelling of the flooded hospital and the whole backstory of how the Rat King came to be an amalgamation of all the victims of Seattle’s Patient 0 zone forced to fuse because of the such claustrophobic and wet conditions of the basement OHMYFUCKINGVGG its so well thought out.

Overall my frustrations with apocalypses is just - the amount of untouched potential and themes that SHOULD be addressed but aren’t - to get creative with it. And even without mention of the worldbuilding stories of the average joe like u and I trying to do smth as ‘simple’ as going to the store but there are mental and physical struggles along the way would be fine too - u don’t need to fly a jet and shoot a rocket launcher to make things interesting. Relatability and/or creativity is what I wish.

[this was so fun to think abt anon if u have things u wanna share feel free to shoot another ask I’m all ears!]

#ask stufff #stufff rambles #long post #for a hot min thought u asked abt apocalypse!vintage beef and I was like irl:#HOW DID YOU READ MY NOTES???!!#this is… SO LONG -but I’m determined (finished this at 3am)#I’ll check it again in a few hours but remind me ti add a Read More when I get back xwz #forgive if these make no sense im sleepy

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trickstarbrave · 1 year

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💖, 🥺, 🎶, and 🤲 for the Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask! Any, all, none! 🖤

💖 What made you start writing?

oh god. i dont remember. i have been writing fanfics since i was like 12 in middle school. i guess i just saw fanfic for the first time then and went "holy shit you can make your own stories???????" and went off the rails. never rly stopped tbh

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

i love just like. writing the little physical touches that show how close two characters are. little couple interactions. nerevar having voryn feel his beating heart, voryn fussing over nerevar's hair, either of them comforting each other by rubbing the other's arm and shoulders.... touch is such a fun thing to play with in fics and i think can communicate a lot about how two character's feel or how they work together. idk. two characters touch tenderly and brain go brrrrr

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

sometimes yeah! if i wanna set a mood i'll listen while i write or before on loop for ideas. chapter 11 of moon and star i wrote while listening to the song "take me back to eden" and "rain" by sleep token and i think it shows tbh. but maybe im just insane i cant stop listening to sleep token please help

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

sure. actually i rly do wanna share this one rly bad actually but mind the spoilers (also i gotta change some things in it LMAO im shifting stuff around atm if it changes later u know why)

He was in a tent. A nordic tent to be precise. He recognized the style from when he was captured, though this tent was far more elegant and homely than the one they kept prisoners in. There was only a dim lantern lighting up, illuminating the space with a soft, golden-orange glow.

Voryn stripped off his robes, letting the fabric fall from his shoulders with practiced grace and elegance, knowing another was watching him. Gooseflesh broke out across his skin as he shivered slightly from the cold air meeting him. He tried to suppress it, but it was far too difficult in this climate. Yet, he wasn’t cold for long; as his robes met the carpeted ground two large, calloused hands were rubbing against his shoulders, before warm arms took him into an embrace.

“Daelha,” Despite saying a chimeri word, the nordic accent on the man’s tongue was thick and heavy. But in its own way it was endearing—he adored Voryn so much he wanted to refer to Voryn as ‘love’ in Voryn’s tongue so he knew his earnestness. “So beautiful, as always…” He marveled, gently stroking along his skin. Voryn had to suppress a needy hiss from the brush of rough skin on his lower stomach only fanning the flames of his desire more. Then, he twisted, facing his lover properly.

Blue eyes stared at him with warmth and affection twinking in them, a heavy grey-brown beard on a man who barely stood taller than him. Yet, despite the satisfaction that came with knowing he was loved, there was a gnawing at his core that wouldn’t go away. A hunger that was left unfulfilled. Something so tantalizingly close, and yet so far.

Laid out on the cot, his want only grew stronger as he lost himself in the body of the powerful warrior on top of him. He moaned and sang and cried just as he knew he enjoyed it, but part of him wasn't there at that moment. A fragment of his heart was somewhere further away, and its absence was deafeningly loud. The blue of this man’s eyes was more like snow kissed mountains than the blaring hot sky. His body was too large and too tall, even if in its own way it was satisfying to be held and thrusted into by him. His beard too, while part of him enjoyed the way it tickled him when they kissed and curled up together, reminded him of what he was missing.

A face crossed his mind as he screwed his eyes shut, and guilt followed. A golden face with snow-white hair and a devilish grin. He always felt guilty thinking of him when making love to another, yet it was sometimes impossible not to. Voryn could tell this was another one of those nights—another night he could only find release by imagining making sweet love to Nerevar instead. His lover’s calloused hands turned into the fantasy of Nerevar touching him, and the nordic accent fades softly, the tone shifting in his ears. He wondered what Nerevar would say, if he was under the other chimer. Would Nerevar affectionately call him ‘love’ just like the nord did? Would he be sweet and gentle with all the brutal strength in his body? Or would he be rough and cruel?

Voryn sometimes felt like he hated Nerevar, especially in moments like this. Neht haunted his thoughts, and yet cruelly ignored him. When he was captured, Nerevar didn’t even come to his rescue, instead stationing himself on the other side of Resdayn. While Voryn was getting himself out of that mess, seducing their enemy in exchange for freedom and information while his heart grieved his mother, Nerevar was trying to win the queen’s favor. When he was finally freed and saw him again, the mer only awkwardly patted him on the shoulder and gave a half hearted, sheepish smile and said he was happy to see Voryn again.

He wondered if Nerevar wished he had died instead.

The feeling was burning hot in his chest when he thought of it, tears stinging his eyes. His lover brushed them away with all the tenderness he always craved from Neht, and that only made his guilt grow. The leader of House Dagoth instead moaned louder, wrapping his long legs around him, and buried his face in his shoulder. His guilt ached like a raw wound as he forced himself to think about Nerevar again, about Nerevar kissing him and fucking him to completion. Of Nerevar wanting him just as badly as Voryn wanted him.

And it was because of that Voryn knew he didn't deserve this man either. If Nerevar was horrible, then Voryn was just as bad, making love to someone as gentle as him while thinking of his oldest friend.

“Daelha…” Voryn mumbled back as he was kissed over and over again on the cot, pressed firmly under his lover’s weight. After sex he was always affectionate, something that made Voryn feel guiltier the longer it continued. At least he knew he was guilty and wanted to do away with the habit. In time he hoped the feeling would leave him, and he could finally love this man with all his heart as he deserved…

Voryn sat straight up out of bed with a start, panic rushing through him. He felt nauseous—positively sick, his mind trying to make sense of what he saw in his dream.

It was realistic. Far too realistic for comfort. He could taste the man on his tongue, feel the chill in the air, and then the heat of the nord’s body. It felt like a memory he was reliving, not a dream.

But how could that be? How could he conceive of a lover that wasn’t Nerevar? How could he lay beneath someone else and hold back moaning Nerevar’s name? How could part of him hate Nerevar and hate himself all at once? And why did part of him still think of that other man’s face and feel a pang of longing and guilt even now that he was awake?

The information sunk in as he forced himself to ignore the sex that made him feel too many incomprehensible emotions. Nerevar hadn’t rescued him. He had used his trained skills of seduction to get himself out of it. He laid beneath the leader of the nords and whispered sweet nothings and promises to help him. He…

Voryn had taken Ysmir Wulfharth as a lover. Continued to lay with him long after he needed to for freedom. Whispered promises and battle plans in his ear, as he worked to find the heart of a god.

Voryn had betrayed his people, his country, and Nerevar.

“Voryn…?” Nerevar sleepily awoke, rolling over to look up at him. In the moonlight filtering in through the windows, Voryn could see the blue of his eyes and bile climbed up his throat as he scrambled out of bed.

“Voryn?” Nerevar asked again, now more awake and worried. “I need some air.” Voryn said swiftly, tugging on a robe. “I just need some air.”

He rushed to the balcony, dry heaving. The cool air provided some relief, but he felt even more ashamed of himself, unable to make sense of such a revelation.

Voryn would never betray Nerevar, would he? Nerevar had told him he only stood against him because the Heart of Lorkhan had driven him to madness. That he wasn’t in his right mind when he attacked Nerevar. And Voryn had believed him—why else would he ever try to harm Neht if it wasn’t because he wasn’t able to think clearly?

He could feel the hate burning in his chest though, white hot and angry. He knew the emotion was something vile and twisted. Hate, rage, and vindictive spite. He loved and wanted the man who denied him and pushed him away, keeping him at arm's length. Voryn wanted him so much he despised Nerevar, until it twisted him and corrupted him. He loved Nerevar so much it turned to pure hatred and rage that he couldn’t have him. And yet, even in that swirling pit of rage over the fact that Nerevar had essentially thrown him to the hounds, he still needed him to the point he hated himself. Until it was driving him mad. Until he saw Nerevar in another and desperately tried to claw those fragments of Nerevar closer and closer.

Voryn had seen who he used to be, like a reflection in a shattered mirror. And he did not like what he saw—what he knew.

“Are you alright?” Nerevar asked, now dressed in a loose robe himself. The hand rubbing soothing circles was too similar to how the memory of Wulfharth touching him, and the shame made him burn and ache with self loathing. He wished he could curl up and die right there, that he had the nerve to fling himself off this balcony, but instead all he could do was grip the balcony railing until his knuckles went white as tears rolled down his face. “Voryn…?” Nerevar’s voice was soft and sweet, unlike the voice of Nerevar he remembered laying under another man.

In this life, Nerevar came for him. In this life, Nerevar loved and embraced him. Voryn was ever grateful for that, taking immense joy and solace in the fact he was not lost like the other version of himself.

But now Voryn knew what kind of twisted, ugly person he would be without that love. What a horrible person he would become. There was no excuse for what he did—he wanted love selfishly—wanted it because he felt entitled, because it wasn’t given to him. He wanted Nerevar all to himself, and selfishly sought to comfort himself in a way that might harm the other for his own benefit. And a core part of him, that seed of something vile, was still inside him whether he wanted it to be or not.

“I’m sorry…” Voryn sobbed, unable to hold back the shaking in his body. “Neht, I’m so—please…”

“Voryn—” Nerevar took him by the shoulders and turned him around, forcing Voryn to face him. The look of pure concern on his face, the love and adoration and honesty swirling in his eyes was too much.

Voryn turned sharply again, throwing up over the balcony. Nerevar—kind, sweet Nerevar—pulled his hair out of his face as he indecently wretched and continued to gag long after the contents of his stomach were empty. And then, like a broken doll, his legs collapsed as he sank onto the stone balcony, trembling and sobbing.

“Shh…” Nerevar soothed him, before gently scooping him up off the cold stone. He left the doors to the balcony open to let in the much appreciated cool breeze and laid Voryn on the bed, letting him curl up. With gentle, clumsy hands he pulled the hair from his face once more, braiding it quickly and messily just to get it out of the way, tying it off. And then he went to the water pitcher in the room bringing a glass for Voryn and also soaking a rag, wiping it across his clammy forehead.

Unworthy, Voryn’s mind hissed. How unworthy you are of his kindness when you would betray him so callously. How cruel you are to hurt him and lie to him just because you selfishly wanted him to love you back.

And his mind was correct—how could Voryn be worthy when he was only loyal right now because he got what he wanted? How is he worthy of Nerevar when he was so loving and kind like this, while Voryn hated and despised him in the past? He was selfish, greedy, and cruel to hurt the man he claimed to love because his affections weren’t returned. Not even that harlot Vivec slept with Ysmir Wulfharth just because he couldn’t have Nerevar.

“I think you ate something you shouldn’t have,” Nerevar’s voice was soft. “It clearly didn’t agree with your stomach.” Ah, how was he still so busy fussing over Voryn like this? Hadn’t Nerevar seen him in the past, so cruel and vile? How could Nerevar treat him so kindly now that Voryn didn’t deserve it? How could Neht love him after all that Voryn had done?

He only loves you because he lied to himself, the sinister voice in his mind whispers. He tells himself you didn’t mean it, that you were driven mad by divine power. How could he ever love you knowing all that you’ve done? He would hate you, just as much as you hate yourself.

#moon and star spoilers #my writing #thank u 🥺

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