#but rn i’m far too stressed and busy but just know that i still love and appreciate it :]]

[pacifistcowboy]

You ever think about how scary an Enerjak Silver would be.

admittedly, i’ve never read archie, but from what i’ve read on his wiki, i can see enerjak is some sorta demigod-spirit that possessed a few echidnas and has practically limitless power? so yeah if silver got possessed by enerjak it would be terrifying. silver’s already powerful as he is, so if he was possessed by this being with god-level strength, psychic abilities, and reality-warping, it’d be all over. he could probably turn the planet to dust with the flick of his wrist. the universe itself would be the thing at risk, the planet would already be gone. enerjak silver would be cool as hell to see. completely undefeatable psychokinetic armoured boy? it’d look so awesome.

anyway since i’ve never read those comics so i couldn’t go too in-depth with this question due to not knowing enough about enerjak, i decided to try design enerjak silver! :]

enerjak’s armour is seemingly inspired by egyptian royalty and armour, and since silver is italian, i decided to base enerjak silver’s armour on roman soldiers! i don’t know if that ended up coming across in the finished design, but i swear the inspiration is there ehfjejfjwjf. i tried to have it so silver’s quills came out the top of his helmet like the crest that some roman soldiers’ helmets had, also i imagine the visor covering his face is moveable, so he can lift it up off his face :]

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

I don't know if your asks are open atm, but I had this thought and I wanted to see your take on it-

Villain meets hero in civilllian identity and gets them suuuper drunk then just casually kidnaps takes them home. I want to see/read the pov of hero waking up with villain's unyielding arms curled around them, and the panic (on hero's part) and smugness from villain that ensues.

You can ofc ignore this if life is too busy rn, I would hate to burden my fav writers on here.

Heyyyy! Thank you so much for this ask, and I deeply apologise for the criminally late answer. I love this idea, so I hope I did it justice. 💙💙

TW: (Lots of) alcohol use, fear of death

Words: 2 k

Hero didn’t remember the last time they’d genuinely laughed this much, or the last time they’d gone out with anyone, and it hadn’t magically turned into a disaster. There was something oddly familiar about this gorgeous civilian, those clever brown eyes, the soft waves of their hair and that enviously confident smirk. But they couldn’t remember where, which was uncharacteristic of them because the hero never forgot a face. Maybe their date was really so magnetic that they were making them unable to think straight. Maybe they really were falling for them from their first time out together, which was something they’d deemed impossible, being generally hard to sway. 

“So, what do you do for a living?” they asked the crime-fighter. 

“Mechanical engineer,” they answered around a bite of steak. It wasn’t really a lie; the hero fought crime mainly at night because they had their civilian job to keep them busy in the morning.

“It seems stressful,” they replied, turning the full weight of their knowing gaze onto the hero. It was almost like Hero was completely transparent to them, even though they were told they were normally extremely difficult to read. 

“Yeah. How can you tell? Do I really look that tired?” the crime-fighter asked, letting a soft laugh make its way into their tone.

 “Oh, absolutely not. You’re tantalisingly attractive, doll. I’m just good at reading people.” 

No doubt about that. Hero smiled at them, still somewhat nervous, but entirely flustered. Their date’s velvety voice was so impossibly smooth that they knew they could listen to it for hours on end. They were getting that weird sensation in their stomach again, what was it called, butterflies? They’d always found it ridiculous, never one for romances and cheesy movies, but here they were, suffering the same symptoms they used to mock before, and they weren’t even upset. 

“I think you need to let loose,” they commented, pulling the hero out of their reverie. 

“I am letting loose. I’m here, not working. And I’m already pretty relaxed, so I’m great,” the crime-fighter replied evenly, and they really weren’t lying. They’d needed this for quite a while, actually, so they weren’t sure what their date saw that they apparently didn’t. 

“Would a drink really kill you?” they asked, taking a sip from their own glass.

“To be fair, no, but I’d prefer not to.”

“And why’s that?” The person across them raised an eyebrow, seemingly confused. “You a lightweight?”

At this, the hero laughed, not airy or false, but really it was painfully ironic. Their blood was different from a normal human’s, a side-effect of their powers, so it was somewhat difficult to get them drunk. Despite that, Hero knew that once they started drinking, they just wouldn’t stop, and a drunk, highly-powered individual, who was also partially lovesick in an area chock-full of civilians sounded a bit too much like a wonderful idea.

“Not at all. It’s just that when I drink, I can’t really stop,” they replied with a nervous chuckle. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you don’t go too far,” their date promised, smiling earnestly. 

And the hero relented, which absolutely terrified them because they were usually so stubborn that their own boss suffered trying to convince them to do things sometimes, things being mainly: taking time off work. Yet, all it took was a few smooth words and a seductive smile.

But a few glasses later, and all their worries disappeared into thin air, and everything turned rose-coloured. The beautiful civilian had pulled them into a slow dance, even though they were the taller and stronger of the two, physically speaking. Were they really this malleable when drunk? They could still drink more, before they were completely out of it, but their date’s firm hand on their shoulder, their fingers skirting along the hero’s collar, the passionate kiss to their jawline were more than enough to stop them from thinking straight. The crime-fighter could barely breathe, smiling almost hopelessly as they let themselves be dipped and twirled by their new paramour, who shouldn’t have possessed the strength to be able to do that. 

They shouldn’t. 

Hero was starting to overthink, and they really weren’t going to let anything ruin this moment, so in their drunken stupor, they trudged back over to their table and asked for more wine. 

“But darling, didn’t you ask me to tell you not to go too far?” their date asked, somewhat concerned and only slightly tipsy themselves. 

“I also told you I’m not a lightweight, and sober me is a bastard,” they attested with a weirdly determined look on their face as they downed yet another glass. 

Their lover laughed and hooked a hand into theirs, and the hero didn’t even care to ask where they were going as long as it was with them. They didn’t care that their surroundings seemed to change every five minutes, all of it melting into an amalgamation of colours and lines that the crime-stopper could barely identify the differences between. They were jumping from activity to activity, remembering each one a little less than they remembered the others, simply euphoric that their date was with them through it all, with their sweet words and their dangerously addictive touch. Oh, and the drinking, more of it than they ever fathomed was possible, from some fancy bottle with a French name they weren’t going to try reading to a cheap six-pack of beer from a supermarket and so much in between.

“Y’ know, you should stop doing that, if yer really worried about me getting any more in-intoxicated,” they slurred, as their date’s fingers carded through their hair, the hero leaning against their shoulder on a park bench. 

“Well maybe, you should stop being so cute, dove,” the villain purred, lightly stroking the hero’s neck with their fingers, leaving a trail of fire on their skin. 

Villain? Now, they were seriously out of it, all the way to the hallucination stage.

The crime-fighter let out a loud cackle, their umpteenth of the night. 

“What is it?” they asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“I just th-thought y’ were the villain. Y’know, the one fr’m the news? That crazy bastard.”

“I think you’ve had too much to drink, dear.” And with that, their date pulled them into their car, and then everything faded into pitch black darkness.

                                    ♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣

Hero woke up with a throbbing in their head and a horribly dry throat, which was what they’d have normally called a Tuesday, except something, nay, everything seemed off. Most of their form was cushioned against an extremely soft surface, definitely not their old mattress, and they could take a leap and say the sheets were silk. For a second there, they wondered if they were in a hotel room, and a seemingly expensive one at that. The carpet, furniture and the walls were all muted colours, and the furniture was made of mahogany, or at least it looked like that, with simple gold accents for decoration. A modern painting hung above their bed, mostly haphazard streaks of soft pastel shades on a canvas, and the half-open curtains kept a terrace behind them.

Normally, if the hero woke up somewhere they didn’t know, which happened an alarming number of times to the point that they’d gotten used to it, they would start by looking for a way to escape if they needed to, ergo, they usually didn’t take the time to admire the tasteful decor. 

The truth was, they were using their surroundings as a futile attempt to distract themselves from the vice-like grip of someone’s arms around them. 

“Ah, so you’ve finally woken up. Took you long enough,” their date’s silky voice crooned. Villain’s silky voice. 

The second their eyes flitted over to the insignia on the criminal’s neck, a wave of recognition instantly rushed over them with so much force, it almost felt nauseating. Last night, the villain must’ve had it covered up with makeup or something because the crime-fighter wasn’t the only one who could recognise that mark. The villain was practically a celebrity now. 

“How?” Hero rasped out, their eyes wide, lips parted and face flushed with shame at their inability to identify their own nemesis. 

The villain’s impossibly smug smile had definitely become even more smug as their eyebrow twitched upwards in amusement. “To your credit, you hadn’t seen me without a mask before. And I’d covered my mark up. For all you knew, I could’ve simply been a lookalike, so no need to tear yourself up over it, lovely.”

“How’d you know it was me?” they questioned, raising a hand up to their left temple, rubbing it with their fingers, only for the criminal to gently push it down and do that themselves, and the hero despised how they seemed to melt into the touch, how it actually seemed to dull the pain of their migraine.

“Vigilante is a mutual friend. They thought we’d be perfect for each other,” they stated simply, like Hero was supposed to nod and get on with their day. 

Except Vigilante hadn’t thought to tell them, blindly trusting the villain. 

Hero bit down on their lip, a worried crease forming in between their eyebrows. “I didn’t question it either. I ignored my suspicions, I could have and may as well die, or get tortured or whatever because I was too reckless! People can die if I mess up,” they stated bluntly, breaking out of the villain’s hold. 

“Even if I turned out to be so evil, what makes you think you can’t fight back? Yesterday, even when you were drunk out of your mind, you punched that crude stranger that hit on me senseless without effort. No powers used. And, like everyone else, Hero, you deserve to have someone to trust,” they answered gently, cupping the crime-fighter’s cheek with their hand. 

“I’d just met you,” they breathed out softly, shrinking in on themselves, nothing like the charismatic, daring hero from the news articles.

“Well, I’m afraid trust involves risks, sweetness, I don’t make the rules. And if I seriously wanted to torture you, don’t you think a dirty cell and chains would make more sense?” they quipped, hoping to release any of the tension.

Hero snorted. “Yeah, I suppose torturing me in a hotel room wouldn’t quite work.”

“This is my humble guest bedroom, not a hotel.”

The crime-stopper sneered at the word humble. Of course the villain had to be a millionaire. A mechanical engineer’s salary wasn’t supposed to be something to sneer at, but their boss was a bastard and hero work didn’t pay for crap. Not why they did it anyway. They guessed that this was revenge for when the hero had forcibly paid for dinner. 

“For how long was I in your arms?” they asked suddenly. 

The villain snickered. “I came to wake you up, and let’s just say you get quite clingy when you’re half-asleep.”

The bold redness of their face, along with its burning heat travelled down to their neck like wildfire. The worst part was that their greatest desire was just for the villain to hold them again.

Luckily for them, Villain pulled them into their arms again, the hero quickly relaxing into their touch as their shoulders sagged and the villain dissolved the headache in their temples with their gentle touch. 

They nuzzled their head into the crook of their enemy-turned-lover’s neck, pressing a kiss to their cheekbone, only for the criminal to let out a soft laugh and kiss the hero’s hair. 

Taking a risk is a far cry from what one would see in a movie; a rose-coloured promise of adventure. It is a structure built on trust, a gamble for a building material; either as fragile as glass or as unrelenting as reinforced steel. Yet sometimes, the instincts of even the least trusting person to ever exist will tell them to follow their heart’s desire because as strange as it seemed, love could leave you infinitely more intoxicated than a river of champagne could ever dream to.  

Wanna be on the taglist? This'll take you there!

✨️Le Taglist: @larinzz @syberianjade @lateuplight @altu-interactions @enbious-prince @astr0-mj @thelazywitchphotographer @addictedsandwhichaki @justalittlecorrupted@quaggasus @theangstyclown @vernilliom @mothmancommitsarson @starssabove @kurai-hono-blog @talkingsperm @a-fucking-simp-00 @muffinrebel44 @sunnynwanda @annablogsposts @cardboardarsonist @itsmyworld23 @onlywhump @shr3ya @crotchgoblin69 @wtfevenisausername

[eldesperadont]

Hey I’m sorry to bother you when you said this was worrying you, but I’m super new to wrestling (started watching 3~ months ago, if that) and bad at understanding how it works still. What’s going on with MJFs contract? I’ve seen a few things that make me nervous (not getting paid enough etc) and I was wondering what some of the million other reasons you mentioned in the tag were? I’d realky hate to see him go. Ty 😖

Hey yo I’d love to help but im not really the best source on this, idk the exact details surrounding his contract cause im not that keen on the business side of wrestling (for the sake of my sanity) - all i know is that Max is apparently unsatisfied with his contract, AEW wants to keep working with him, and their negotiations so far havent been optimal

‼️ If any of my followers/mutuals would be able to share reputable sources on this situation for them that’d be really nice ‼️

but generally speaking i dont like contract/signing drama cause its just a whole lot of stress and fans are often in the crossfire given the nature of kayfabe - i love pro wrestling, its my fav form of entertainment, but when im genuinely getting worried about characters and actors i like cause of how much the line between reality and fiction is blurred (on purpose) its no fun anymore (for me), ive got enough issues that fuck me up, i dont need a combat soap opera to rob my nerves too (also drama like this would probably be easier to avoid if there wouldnt be a whole industry around it, aka wrestling “journalism”)

but yeah to come to an end, i’d also hate to see Max leave AEW cause if he wants to stay in the big leagues then rn the only other place is WWE - he’s great at what he does so that’s absolutely not the issue, he could work anywhere, but not everyone can use him well, and WWEs products are nothing i wanna watch anymore, to say it politely

[soonsluv]

RAIN!!!! hello my babyyy, how are you? It's been a while! I've been busy with uni and trying to be a functional human being lmao the school work isn't actually that much rn, but I still need to make it a habit, yk? I'm a chronic procrastinator and my problem is that i know i can get away with it KDNSKWN if i didn't menage to have good results even doing things on the day before a deadline I probably would be a better student lol

i loved your new theme!!! So cute 💝🤲 have you seen the mv trailer for "hot"?? Very hot indeed, im loving the direction but still am a but lost in the concept lmao (cyberpunk sexy cowboys is the best i have so far)

AND LATTE ANON IS ALSO FROM BRAZIL? pls i hope this doesn't sound too much like a stalker lmaoo but i was scrolling down your blog and saw a bit of your convo!! >> Oi oi latte, tudo bem? <<

hehe I'll be back with some ThoughtsTM later 👀

Oh!! And before i forget, i saved this link earlier this week to send to you 💝 have some of my hoshi pretty boy agenda 😌 (YES he is a lil gf AND YES he's also a pretty babyboy....)

- 😺 anon

your baby??��� i’ve been doing relatively good my sweetheart<33 except for rn tho, my brain is melting and spilling out of my ears bc of this research paper i procrastinated on working🤕 that’s good to hear, i’m so proud of you!! honestly doing things on time is so annoying but also relieves you of so much stress so keep working ok your work ethic(not like me lmao)

thank you!! my themes have always been so dark so i wanted to change it up :) and yes i saw it🤭🤭 honestly when i heard the lyrics, i was waiting on snoop dog to come out of the shadows😭

you just asked them if they’re were doing alright, didn’t you?😎 also may i rec this french/brazilian artist i listened to? his name is drey karper, he’s pretty underground or whatever😋

and yes pls do!! thoughts are always welcome in my inbox :)

you saved something to send to me??🥹 you’re so sweet gato, thank you so so much<3 any hoshi content is good for my soul tbh

[ronnieiswriting]

Sweet Dreams- Boxer!Paz x Baker!Freader

Inspired by the events of Foul (following straight after) and the Boxer Din AU created and written by the wonderful, amazing, brilliantly talented @djarinsbeskar! WC: 1,641 Tags: 18+, mentions of smut, its a smutty AU ya'll know the drill, sickeningly sweet fluff I have been driven to write this to deal with all my Paz thots- it will become very clear that I make up for the fact that I can't write hot smut by writing the softest shit. Excuse the lack of editing, also, its quite the mess x

After Din had stormed off with his “not-girlfriend” at Avika, Paz was more than ready to go home right then and there, thoroughly unwanting to deal with the feral frenzy that Din had stirred up in and out the ring. But there was no doubt that there would be more calls for blood. And even if that weren’t the case- even if Din wasn’t on the lists tonight- Paz had to stay.

It was his job after all. And one he enjoyed more often than not.

But when he thought about you, Paz’s priorities became trivial- like dust in the wind.

He hadn’t been dating you for long but he already knew that he was in deep. To Paz, you were the one that hung the stars in the sky; you, a hardworking baker with a smile that made his heart ache and hips that made his cock twitch. It was love, the realest he’d ever found, and every day he swore his gratitude to whatever force had sent him to you.

It was almost a taunt to watch Din leave Avika with his “not-girlfriend” tucked into his side- he’d been disqualified from any more fights that night but he couldn’t look any less content about it- when Paz had to stay behind with nothing but the thoughts of you waiting for him back at his place to keep him company.

To pass a bit of time between the words that were being exchanged between Boba and Din’s opponent’s trainer, Paz checked his phone- his mood instantly brightened when he saw a notification from you.

From: Sugar Cookie💖

Hey babe, I just got home. Did you feed Kitty yet? He’s begging me for food rn but I know he’s probs got a full belly and is just being a little gobble guts lol. sent 4:13am

I gave him a tinyyy bit of kibble to hold him over in case you didn’t. Kitty knows I can’t resist him. Sorry for messaging you at work btw. I know you’re busy xx Love you xx sent 4:19am

Paz checked the current time. 5:30am. Shit. He must’ve missed the buzz of the notification amidst the chaos. Usually, your shifts at the bakery ended closer to midnight but he knew you to be a hard worker, proud of the bakery you ran by yourself, and always likely to get caught up in a task until it was done to a high standard. It was just another thing for Paz to love about you.

His thumbs hovered over the reply box; you had probably already gone to bed, exhausted from your own long day of work. He couldn’t bring himself to disturb you but he pushed past that doubt a second later, typing out a response, softened when he reread your messages about his kitten.

“Vizsla!” Boba’s voice pulled him back into reality. “Are you listening at all? This does concern you.”

Paz managed an easy half-lie, fingers tapping away as he switched contacts and began typing another message, “I’m sending Din a text- trying to figure out what started all this.”

…

When Paz finally did get home it was pushing 8am. Expecting to find you curled up in his bed, comfortably asleep, he was shocked to see you as soon as he opened the door to his apartment. You were propped up against a wall of cushions on his couch with a book resting in your lap and his kitten snoozing on your chest. Head thrown back and peacefully still, he could tell you were fast asleep.

Just the sight of you, the shape of your body outlined by the drape of the blanket that was thrown over you, your features illuminated by the warm light of the lamp, the splay of your hair over the pillows- just looking at you relieved him of so much of the stress he had carried home. His eyes traced over your form, picking out the dip and curve of your hips, and he was struck again with the amount of love he had for you. He still couldn’t believe how quickly he had developed such deep feelings for you but that fact made them no less sincere. The softness and simple intimacy (whether that be primarily sexual or emotional) that your company alone promised never ceased to amaze him.

Trying to be as quiet as he could manage, Paz shut the door behind him, put his backpack down by the door, and crossed the room to kneel down at your side. He considered leaving you there for the rest of the night- if he did he could go take a nap and then come back and wake you up by eating you out before making you breakfast- but ultimately he wanted to, needed to sleep next to you… and he couldn’t manage that on the couch.

He got the best sleep when you stayed the night, your chest made a far better pillow and your arms though relatively small provided him with so much warmth that he would be more than content to sleep without any covers (which happened sometimes when you hoarded the blankets).

Paz let out a silent sigh and reached out to stroke the hair away from your face. You stirred in response and he leaned in to press a kiss to your nose, “Hey, baby, it’s just me.”

You let out a soft moan, eyes scrunching up before blinking open, looking up at him blearily, “Paz~”

His heart could have burst at the sound of your gentle voice laden with sleep. Carefully so as not to disturb your place, Paz eased the book from your fingers. The exhaustion was palpable on your face, the weight of many hours of work pulling at the edges of your eyes. “I thought you’d be in bed by now.”

You eased yourself up on the cushions, one hand bracing the kitten against your chest. “I wanted to stay up for you. I didn’t mean to doze off.” Fuck. Paz was slipping his arms under you faster than you could process and when he stood you were tucked against his chest, kitten, blanket and all. You didn’t even seem bothered by the shift, curling your fingers into the neckline of his shirt. The simple touch drove him wild- the burn of your warm skin against his throat like a blowtorch- and the fact that you seemed oblivious to that only made him ache for you more.

When he had gotten you halfway to the bedroom you spoke again in that voice that threatened sleep, “I would've been able to stay up for you if I didn’t have to spend three hours on a last minute order for a wedding cake.”

Paz opened the door with his hip. “You don’t have to say yes to every job you know.”

“I know- but the couple was so sweet, I couldn’t say no. Plus they paid me double and half on top because of the short notice.”

He laid you out on the bed and replaced the throw blanket with his thick quilt, kitten moving to curl up beside your head on the pillow. The comfortable setting was luring you quickly to sleep again but you were still determined to see him next to you before you shut your eyes again fully. When he didn’t immediately join you, you frowned.

Paz eased the crease in your brow with a kiss there, “Don’t pout, sweetheart. I just gotta take a shower.” He could have skipped one for now, knowing you wouldn’t protest his sweaty skin, but he wanted to be rid of the flecks of blood that had stuck to him, everything that had stuck to him from that ring, before he touched you. You started to protest but Paz silenced you with a searing kiss to your lips, “I won’t be long, I promise.”

If he had thought you would be back asleep by the time he finished he was fooling himself. You scooched backwards on the mattress and petted the space you made in front, “come here.”

Paz went willingly, instantly. He eased back the covers and shuffled in next to you, clad only in a pair of boxers, hands instantly finding your skin to greedily palm the warmth that radiated from you. You cozied up to him just as naturally, arms wrapping around his neck so that he could tuck his face against the crook of your neck. With the covers pulled over the both of you, Paz felt surrounded by your presence and it calmed any remaining stress he had.

Although he had reprimanded Din for taking a violent approach to defending a woman’s honor, Paz couldn’t deny the fact that he’d be just as likely to take a similar action if anyone spoke about you like that- just thinking about those vile, entitled words directed at you made his jaw clench subconsciously. And yet just as soon as that anger stirred up in him, it dissipated again, soothed by the thump of your heart against his chest and the delicate fan of air you puffed over his damp skin.

He was reminded of the first time he told you he loved you; not long ago, in the middle of a good hard fuck when he had you by the hip, lost in the emotion of your eyes to the point where his confession had come out as a babble that became a mantra that he punctuated with each thrust of his hips. You had been on the verge of tears then, overstimulated and shaking, when you returned the words to him from your own lips: I love you too.

“I love you.” Paz whispered.

You snuggled against him tighter, a sleepy sigh escaping you when his hands ran up and down your sides. “I love you too.”

[adorethedistance]

9 P.M. - Alive!Luke Patterson x Reader Modern Day!AU

JATP masterlist

Warnings: swearing, mentions of suicide, painful breakup, and angst.

Words: 1991

Summary: Luke breaking up with you made your world stop turning, and when it finally starts moving again after four long months, Luke is back in typical agitator fashion.

A/N: Not requested, and I wrote this in about two hours so bear that in mind. I’ve been toying with an angst idea for a little bit now, and because all of my requests rn are fluff, I decided why not give Luke a little love since it’s been a minute since my last Luke fic. This isn’t proofread so proceed with caution.

“What are you doing here, Luke?” Dana’s voice cuts clear over the mindless chatter in the busy diner. She tucks a stack of menus under her arm to brush a loose strand of sandy blonde hair out of her face.

“I’m here to talk to Y/n. She isn’t returning my calls and she only has her phone on silent when she’s working.”

A solid four months ago, Luke Patterson had broken Y/n Y/l/n’s heart into a couple billion pieces in this very diner. After Luke requested to meet up as soon as possible, Y/n told him she’d be clocking out for the night around 9 PM, and true to his previous request Luke had arrived at 9 on the dot. He considered taking her to his car for more privacy but in fear of forgetting his long, crafted speech, he opted for a secluded booth in the very back corner of her diner.

He still remembers the evening, clear as day. They sat down across from one another on the red vinyl seats with nervous tension exponentially rising between them. He remembers the way she ruffled her loose hair after having it pulled back for an 8-hour shift. He remembers the way she rested her right ankle on her left knee to massage away the calf pain from 8 hours of waiting tables. And he remembers the way her warm smile disappeared after he uttered the words “I think we should break up.”

Y/n was so shocked she couldn’t respond. Everything seemed to be going well between them. They had said their first ‘I love you’s and she had even opened up to the possibility of giving him her virginity. And here he was, a mere week later, claiming that he had fallen out of love with her over the span of a month.

Tears clouded her vision. She was quick to wipe them away before they fell, something Luke noticed that she only did when she was crying out of anger. With her normal sadness or even stress she just lets her emotions run their course. But the anger swelling inside of her at that moment, she so desperately wanted to hide. As a result, she brushed them away. She bit her tongue. She saved face, not wanting to let Luke know just how much he had hurt her.

Luke expected a full-on interrogation. He knew Y/n’s mind was one of insatiable curiosity and she had to have at least a million questions. However, if she did, she didn’t show it. The only question she asked, “Is this really what you want?” Her voice was steady, but Luke knew how badly she wanted to tear him apart, to ravage him right then and there. But after losing such a huge part of herself, Luke, she held onto her dignity so tight it nearly crumbled into dust and blew out of her clenched fingers. Without asking for any more information, she slipped out of the booth and hurried to her car as fast as her walk could take her.

At the time, Luke felt guilty for making her cry. Now he feels guilty for ever having let her believe she wasn’t good enough for him. The only problem is she wouldn’t give him the chance. And her best friend, Dana, didn’t seem like she would give him one either.

“Well, she’s not here. Have you ever considered she’s not returning your calls when she’s off of work, too?”

“Dana, I need to talk to her-”

“What could you possibly have left to say, Luke? Whatever you said to her that night broke her, it absolutely destroyed her. She hasn’t been the same since.” Luke had no trouble believing that was true, which is why it hurt so bad to hear, granted it didn’t hurt as bad as how Y/n felt that night.

“What? No- I-I really need to talk to her.”

“You really don’t.”

“I have to get her back, Dana!” A tornado of shock and anger consumes Dana to the point where all she can do is let out a bitter laugh. The look in Luke’s eyes indicates how hurt he is by her laughter, and Dana’s desire for vengeance has never been so strong. So, she continues to tell the truth. The ferocious, unabridged, hurtful truth,

“You don’t deserve a second chance. You don’t even deserve an attempt at a second chance. Knowing her, Y/n would never tell you this, but I will: you fucked up so bad, you made her almost make the biggest mistake of her life.”

“What?” Luke almost hesitates to ask, knowing he won’t like the answer.

“That night, she came to my place and cried so hard for three hours before she could even get a coherent word out. She stayed with me for three days and, had my shift not ended early that Tuesday, she wouldn’t be alive today.” The dumbstruck look on Luke’s face is only more motivation for Dana to twist the knife, “She almost didn’t survive losing you, Luke. And god forbid she gives you a second chance because she won’t survive losing you again.”

The diner is just crowded enough that no one is paying the two of them any mind as they faceoff by the hostess stand. Dana spent four long months consoling her best friend back to life, and she was not about to let Luke destroy all the hard work Y/n had put into healing.

“I can make this right.”

“How could you possibly make this right?”

“I know more now than I did before. I’ve changed!”

“So has she.” Dana’s biting words render Luke speechless. Once she realizes her work here is done, she continues setting up tables as they’re disinfected.

__________________________

Luke’s conversation with Dana in the diner left him shellshocked, but it also lit a fire under his ass that he needed to move forward. Rather than discouraging him, Dana’s words gave him a greater incentive to win her back: proof that he was willing to do what he said he would. At least, that’s what Luke told himself. Rather than stepping into the future with greater clarity, Luke went into the world with confidence so large and blinding, his actions may sabotage his true intentions.

That’s how he found himself so determined to win Y/n back. And that’s how he found himself face to face with the front door of her home. It’s 9 PM, just early enough to where she’d be home for the day, just early enough to where she wouldn’t be asleep, and hauntingly just the exact time he had broken her heart all those months ago. Before giving his conviction a chance to back out, he was raising a steady hand to ring the doorbell of her residence.

Y/n opened the door without much thought, expecting a food delivery; she was drastically off-put by Luke’s presence at her doorstep this late.

“Oh.” Was the only response manageable for the tired waitress.

“Hi. Can we talk?”

There it was. The phrase that was a paradoxical toss-up regarding her emotional state. Half of her has been waiting for this day for so long, dreaming of the boyfriend she once knew to come genuinely heartbroken and remorseful to win her back. The other half was terrified of this impending day as she realized she wasn’t nearly as emotionally strong enough to handle the situation as she thought. 

‘Oh’ was the only response manageable for the tired waitress.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Please just give me five minutes and if you never want to hear from me for the rest of your life, I’ll never bother you again,” he rushes out, knowing his time is finite. For what short period of time he thought it over, Luke always imagined pouring his heart out on her front doorstep. That’s why her silent sidestep and opening of the door caught him so off guard. He hadn’t anticipated her to actually give him a decent chance. Why would she? He broke up with her in the very diner she works in full time and crushed her heart so completely, the only things left behind had to be contempt and resentment.

Luke crossed the threshold of her small, cramped LA home with his heart on his sleeve. Reluctantly closing the door behind him, Y/n walks to her living room and sits on the couch amidst a mess of popcorn, her favorite chocolates, used tissues, and a bottle of Advil. The night Luke broke up with Y/n was four months ago and she’s still spending her Friday nights alone crying on her couch with a rom-com on the tv. A sharp pang of guilt cuts through Luke’s chest like a machete and his previous confidence completely dissipates into sadness. Though, he can’t tell if it’s actually remorse or just general pity.

“What did you want to talk about?” Y/n asks as if she doesn’t know what conversation they’re about to have. Luke takes a deep breath to prepare himself as best as he can before explaining what’s been on his mind.

“I am so sorry, Y/n.” His hopes for any sort of reaction are crushed once her blank stare doesn’t waver. In spite of everything that’s happened thus far, this is the moment Luke realizes this would be a lot more difficult than he anticipated. “That night, you asked if taking a break from… us was what I really wanted.”

“I remember.”

“I said yes and you left right after that. I know you’ve blocked my socials, but you haven’t blocked my calls, you just don’t answer. I’m sure you’ve got to be interested in why, you’re a very curious person.”

Luke wasn’t wrong there, Y/n had been wondering why. She had been wondering why since the words left his mouth that night, but she repressed that curiosity. She repressed it because she knew that whatever the answer was, it didn’t make any difference. Luke wasn’t hers to have anymore and that was what really mattered.

“I did it because I thought I was falling out of love with you.”

“You thought?”

“I wasn’t actually falling out of love with you.”

“You weren’t?”

“No.”

“Then why’d you break it off?”

“I thought I was falling out of love with you but really my attraction was just changing. Instead of just spontaneous and passionate and exciting, I began to see our relationship as comforting and secure as well as those other things. I thought my comfortability was falling out of love, but really, I was falling in love. I was no longer just super infatuated with you, I was in love with you. Genuine love.”

“Luke…” Y/n trails off. She has no real idea of what it is she’s thinking so she opts to let Luke continue until she can figure it out.

“I love you, Y/n. And I broke things off because, before you, I didn’t understand love. Hell, with you I didn’t understand it was love, but now I do! I love you.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“So, what does this all mean?” Luke draws in a nervous breath, identical to the one he used to soothe his nerves as he stepped into the all-too-familiar house.

“I know I don’t deserve it because of what I put you through… but all I’m asking is for a chance to prove that I really do love you.” The looking shimmering across Y/n’s eyes tells Luke how her thoughts are running wild. She’s experiencing a new train of thought at a mile a minute and it terrifies both of them.

“You hurt me, Luke. And I want to hate you so much for everything that you put me through, but I don’t, and I hate myself for that. But, I’m sorry. I can’t give you a second chance.”

***

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[tobiosmilktea]

can i request headcannons for tsukishima, kuroo, iwa, and oikawa on their best friend telling them that they like someone so the boys get all sad (or whatever reaction you see fit) but it turns out that their bff was talking about them the whole time + like a confession. thank you in advance 💞

hidden feelings with tsukishima, kuroo, iwaizumi, and oikawa

a/n: sorry for the wait! this was really fun to write, hope you all like it :)) also scenarios are going to take a little longer to publish, but i’ll make sure to get them out asap !

— t. kei

you honestly said it out of the blue

you didn’t think of it much, it was more like a little hint since surely tsukishima was smart enough to figure it out right?

wrong.

you both were in the middle of a study session break and the entire time you could barely focus when the guy you were entirely whipped for was sitting right in front of you

the workspace was small too as both of your materials could barely fit on the table, his face was barely a foot away from yours the entire time

like hOW THE HELL IS HE NOT FLUSTERED RN

it’s been like this for ages though, ever since you two had met the beginning of your first year at karasuno

you immediately fell in love with his humor with how his quite teasing charm was always your favorite type of banter

and you could tell that he had some sort of soft spot for you ever since you could fire back the same spit fire of jokes and teasing just as he did for you

you just hoped that all that teasing (which was literally dRENCHED in flirtations and suggestive humor) that you hoped that a smartass like tsukishima kei would finally get it

but it’s been months and none of it had worked, so you opted for a different approach

you haven’t exactly seen tsukishima jealous and you genuinely wanted to see his reaction that one of his closest friends had taken a liking for someone else

“can i ask you something?” you would start. it was something nonchalant and open ended so of course tsukishima couldn’t really say no

“hm,” he hums as he sipped on his juice box

you cleared your throat, “so there’s this guy i like...”

then a scoff leaves his lips and interrupts you

you give him a look to which his eyes immediately softened as he shook his head, “sorry, keep going.”

“aNYWAY, i’ve liked this guy for a while now and i’ve been hinting that i like him for a while now, but i’m starting to think that he might be too dense to even see.”

tsukishima’s expression was unreadable as he drank the very last of his juice box’s contents before crushing it in his hand, chucking to the other side of the room and into his trash bin

“i think that guy's an idiot.” he concludes, clearing his throat.

“really?” you said, it was almost enticing.

“yeah, honestly i think you shouldn’t be wasting your time on that guy...”

a small pout melted upon your lips as tsukishima’s golden eyes met yours

“why would you think that?”

“cause i think you should pay attention to me instead.” he said out of the blue

“hUH?”

homie really caught you off guard

like you were genuinely confused to whether or not he misspoke or if this was another one of his playful banter

“yeah right,” you muttered, picking up your pencil and continued to jot down notes in attempt to leave the subject behind

“i’m serious.” he deadpanned

your gaze flickered back up to him as you pursed your lips, biting them as you felt your heart beat pound harder against your ribs. your chest was already constricted from the thought of embarrassing yourself for even bringing it up

“who is this guy anyway?” tsukishima continues and it honestly sounded like a genuine threat.

you roll your eyes and scoff, “i was talking about you idiot!”

a small smirk appeared on his lips as if it was the most knowing and condescending look ever, “good, that’s what i thought.”

“hUH?” x2

once again your eyes were wide and confused

“there’s a reason why yamaguchi always leave us alone together.”

— k. tetsurou

it was 2am with you and kuroo being suPER delirious

as it was the start of the weekend, kuroo thought it was a good idea to hangout at your place after vb practice along with kenma

you two were literally the golden trio at nekoma, so it was a given

kenma had left hours ago around 9pm to go home, but honestly there is a good chance he’s still awake and just wanted to leave with the amount of tension between you and kuroo

not to mention he wanted to play games on his computer

kenma literally couldn't stand that awkward air between you and the vb team captain as your usual hangouts didn’t even feel normal anymore

as if you both were stepping on fragile eggshells after what happened earlier during the school day at lunch

it seems like all your advances in terms of trying to flirt with him was always flying over his head

even kenma, who sometimes didn’t pay attention to the conversation as he was too busy playing on his PSP, knew that you would often try and ask kuroo out

even if they were slightly sly and sometimes sounded like normal friendly hangouts, there were so many opportunities to turn it into sometimes, but kuroo was far too cloudy-minded to even spare that thought

but if kenma was being honest, the awkward tension between you and kuroo primarily started cause of him

he was the one who proposed the plan that you should try and make kuroo jealous. if he did have a negative reaction to you saying you liked someone else, then he liked you back. but if he didn’t, then no harm done!

honestly, it sounded like a plan and you deadass said it in the middle of lunch

you three were out in the courtyard eating your bentos when you suddenly said, “so there’s this guy i really like...”

and it immediately got kuroo’s attention

“who?” he immediately asked.

you feigned a smirk to appear on your lips as you simply shrugged to stay in the act, “just someone.” you swatted the thought away, “anyway, i’m just asking on how i should confess to them—”

“it’s yaku isn’t it?” kuroo suddenly concluded

“what? no—”

“then wHO?”

“someone who’s too stupid to see i have feelings for him!” you suddenly spew out.

kuroo’s eyes peered suspiciously at you, nodding as he turned away. “i see how it is, (y/n). i’d honestly like to meet this guy.”

“trust me, you already know.”

and perhaps that wasn’t the best thing to say as kuroo immediately started badgering you with annoying questions once again

throughout the entire day you had been rejecting to answer which basically leads to right now

you and kuroo alone at 2am in your room, sitting in awkward tension as kuroo literally refuses to leave unless you tell him who you liked

“at least give me their initials, (y/n)” the vb captain begged

“noPE!”

“please?” he continued to asked, “i’ll literally buy you all your favorite snacks, just tell me who!”

you roll your eyes, preparing to say no again, but the thought suddenly hits you

why was he so determined to know who you liked if he in fact, doesn’t have feelings for you?

“why do you care so much about who i like?” you suddenly asked 

“c-cause i’m your best friend and i care about you!”

you peered your eyes at him, “kenma is also my best friend and cares about me, and yet you don’t hear him pestering me about my love life.”

you swore you saw the tiniest bit of pink blush on kuroo’s cheeks that perhaps his ears were tinted as well

he looked absolutely beautiful under the moonlight

a sigh left his lips, “because i want to be the only boy in your life.” (besides kenma, but he didn’t mention it cause it was just you and him)

you couldn’t help but feel a smile melt upon your visage, “then i guess it’s a good thing that you’re the one i like.”

— i. hajime

you and iwaizumi were staying after school as you two were on clean up duty

the hallways were pretty empty besides a few handfuls of students also cleaning classrooms or at club activities

it was just the usual, but you surely weren’t acting normal that even iwaizumi noticed

he’s one of your closest friends ever since middle school and you liked to believe that he considered you two best friends, but he usually minded his own business when it came to you

perhaps that’s what made you act so different around him

you weren’t the same (y/n) that would walk with him to and from school, the one who would eat every lunch with him and oikawa, the one who he wouldn’t have to worry about so much since oikawa was primarily his source of stress

but recently, that seemed to have transferred onto you ever since iwaizumi had been too preoccupied with oikawa and volleyball, that you making your feelings for him extremely obvious wasn’t enough

you two have been cleaning for about thirty minutes in (almost complete) silence

really, the only sound coming from the room was the clattering and squeaking of moving chairs and desks around to mop

iwaizumi wasn’t usually the one to get so fed up, especially with you

but this time was different

“so are you going to tell me what’s wrong or are you going to be childish and act like oikawa by giving me the silent treatment?” he starts and you immediately felt your body freeze, but immediately caught yourself and continued to clean

you hear him sigh defeated to which caused your body to turn towards him, “did i do something wrong?”

there was obvious hurt lacing his voice, that he perhaps jeopardized one of his closest friendships over something he didn’t know anything about

you were aware of this and immediately approached him, “you didn’t do anything wrong...” you hesitate as you didn’t know how to follow it up with, “i’m just being moody that’s all”

honestly, not your best excuse but it was workable

“then tell me what’s wrong, (y/n). i’m your best friend that’s what i’m supposed to do.”

and there it was. that look and attitude that made you fall in love with him in the first place

as if a huge wave just crashed upon you, your heartbeat intensified the moment you noticed how close you were to him

you gulped down your rising nerves, almost panicking as the words miraculously left your mouth. “i don’t think the guy i like likes me back.”

it was safe to say, that that definitely wasn’t what iwaizumi was expecting

if anything he was surprised and almost obligated as your best friend to comfort you in that moment, but he couldn’t help but feel almost betrayed

he knew he had no right to as he was nothing more than just a friend to you. so he swallowed his pride and nods with a faux smile on his lips

“it’s okay, (y/n). there’s so many other guys out there.”

then it came down like a sudden downpour, “but i only want you.”

“w-what?” it left his lips almost like a whisper as his eyes widened into saucers

“i’m talking about you, idiot.” you gently hit his hard chest, “but you obviously don’t like me back as you blatantly overlook what i say whenever i flirt with you."

“(y/n), i—”

you continued muttering in a hurried and embarrassed spiel that you didn’t even notice him trying to talk, “it’s okay, i’m ready for rejection, i just don’t want this to ruin our friendship—”

“it won’t because i literally like you too (y/n).” he finally cut in to say, taking you aback

“oh.” you say, still in shock, “cool.”

— o. tooru

you were in quite the predicament

rather than giving oikawa the silent treatment, he was giving it to you instead

basically, what happened was that perhaps you got a bit fed up with how popular oikawa was with girls and how they would often times flock him in packs sporadically throughout the day

and as if the world was out to get you, the packs of girls would always seem to come over whenever it was just you and oikawa alone

surely, from the three years you and oikawa had been friends, you’d assume that you’d get used to it

but you haven’t.

in the first two years of hs, you were pretty lenient and understanding and you truly didn’t mind it but now in your last and final year, you were tired of it

surely it didn’t help when that annoyance was fueled by your pent up feelings for oikawa in the past three years

the only reason why you hesitated to even say anything about your feelings was that you never really had the chance. with so many pretty people in and outside of aoba johsai, oikawa can be guaranteed a significant other within a snap

you felt easily replaceable, not to mention you definitely weren’t his first priority

he was too busy trying to get to nationals and to beat shiratorizawa that a relationship was the last thing on his mind

so here you two were, cleaning up the equipment in the gym in complete silence as volleyball practice had just finished as you were one of the managers

it had been like this for the past three days, being forced to physically interact, yet still not speaking to each other

like right now, you and oikawa were folding up the net neatly to eventually it got shorter and shorter that you and him had met closely in the middle

oikawa seemed to have paused the moment your hand made contact with his to make the final fold and that was when he completely broke

“ugh, i can’t take it anymore!” he exclaimed, shocking you slightly as you took the folded net from him. “i don’t get it (y/n), why can’t you just tell me who you like? i promise i’ll keep it secret!”

“be quiet,” you mutter as you turn your back towards him, “if you keep acting like this, i won’t tell you.”

he groaned once more, his feet dragging on the ground as he stumbled towards you. you froze under his touch the moment his rested his head on your shoulder.

“i just want to know cause i don’t want you to look at other guys.”

god, he was so fucking adorable

you hated to say it, but you gave into him and his charisma and how his easy words could have you complying

“fine,” you sigh, turning to face him. your breath hitched in your throat when you realize how close he was, “he’s on the volleyball team, he’s a third year—”

oikawa cut you off, “it’s iwaizumi isn’t it? i knew it! honestly, no offense to iwa, but i think i would make a better boyfriend, don’t you think?”

you couldn’t help but chuckle with a smile on your face, “you think so?”

“i know so.”

“well, fortunately for you, you’re the guy i really like.” you confessed, watching his expression brighten.

“so you made me go through three days of silent treatment just to finally date you?”

you shrug, asking, “was it worth it?” before being engulfed completely into a hug

“yes.”

a/n: this hasn’t been proofread if you couldn’t tell 👀

[charlieswanwhore]

Much Needed Relaxation (Fred Weasley x fem!Reader

gif not mine, creds to owner :)

request: hello love! when i heard you were looking for requests i knew i needed to request something super fluffy with fred where he's busy working on products for his shop or homework and the reader needs attention. i just really need some sickly sweet fluff rn tbh lmao. have a great day, darling!

content: fluff

masterlist

tw/cw: none :) 

Seventh year was arguably one of the hardest years of school at Hogwarts. The weight of the final year, Dolores Umbridge’s reign, Dumbledore’s Army, and the upcoming Weasley joke shop overwhelmed Fred to no end. His smile cracked a little less, bags adorned his eyes, and he looked for grey hairs in the mirror each day. Fred had a lot more to go through than the average Hogwarts student. The worst part is, he does not know how to balance any of it.

It was only in theorized talks between him and George that they could leave Hogwarts early, but it was merely an idea. Even though that would take a lot off his shoulder, it adds guilt right back on. He’d be leaving his friends, his two younger siblings, and he’d be leaving Y/N. The thought of not seeing Y/N every day made him want to not even continue the idea of leaving Hogwarts early, but there was a lot to be considered.

Fred had made it a habit to stay up late and work in the Gryffindor common room. He worked on new inventions and products, some DA skills, and even homework, it took his mind off the bizarre events swirling Hogwarts. These sessions of stress and brain power turned into more than just late nights. He became distant to everyone, even his own sane self. Everyone noticed it, especially Y/N. Fred had not even meant to push his girlfriend away, all the work that could be done made their way higher to a priority list, leaving her lower. He assumed he could do all of this then have time for Y/N. Unfortunately, it turned into a cycle of Y/N being pushed away and spending close to zero time with her boyfriend.

It was hard for Y/N to fall asleep some nights knowing that Fred’s mind was on another planet, unreachable to her. She wanted to help him so desperately but she did not know how. She understood him putting so much effort into so many things, she was doing the same thing. Tonight though, it had become obvious to Y/N that she wasn’t getting any sleep. An idea popped into her head, causing her to sneak out of her shared dorm, down to the common room, where she knew her red headed lover was sat.

She made her way down the cold steps to the common room. The sound of the fire crackling was the first thing she heard. After that, the sound of Fred grunting made its way to her ears. His back was turned towards her as he sat hunched over a desk, quill in hand. She made her way to him slowly, when she got close enough to smell his cologne, she wrapped her arms around him from behind.

“Merlin! You scared me,” he whisper-yelled, obviously startled.

“It’s late, darling,” Y/N’s raspy voice tickled his face. The desk was scattered with books, a trunk of parts for inventions, crumpled parchment, and even small puddles of ink. The thing that surprised her most was the charms homework that was assigned earlier that day.

“I know, I just have so much to do and-“ Y/N stopped him before he could go on a rant.

“Love, some of these assignments aren’t due for days, weeks even! And don’t worry about the DA, you’re doing amazing,” she unwrapped her arms from him, making her way to the chair next to him. She grabbed his hands before continuing, “and please give yourself a break about the shop, it won’t be fun if you overwork yourself like this, especially without George.”

Fred’s eyes softened at the sight of you. He looked at the table full of different types of work and sighed. His brain had finally come back down to Earth. “Godric, you’re right. I have nearly wrecked my brain doing all of this. I haven’t even paid attention to you! Oi, I- I’m really sorry, Y/N, really.” His hands broke from hers to go through his hair. Y/N’s heart broke at the sight of Fred so stressed.

“Freddie, Freddie, it’s okay! I understand,” she desperately tries to make eye contact with him. “Hey, hey, hey. Look at me,” he does and his demeanor softens.

“Hi there, can Fred come out to play?” Y/N said softly while debuting a soft smile. Fred takes a deep breath and nods before standing up and embracing his girl in a bear hug that they both needed, and on both ends, you could tell it was a touch deprived hug. 

Y/N slowly pulls away, him still in her arms but she is looking up to him, “let’s get to bed, love. It is almost one in the morning,” your sympathetic eyes met his tired ones. 

He nodded before packing up his stuff with help from Y/N and they made their way up the common room stairs. Once stopping at the boys’ dorms, Y/N goes to kiss him goodnight. The kiss was simple, but meaningful, there was a lot of care and love that emitted from it. They pulled away with goofy grins before Y/N headed towards her room. She did not get very far before she felt her boys hand gently clasp her wrist. “Wait, Y/N,” her eyebrows furrowed, “stay with me tonight.”

It didn’t take much convincing for her to stay the night with Fred, it never did. Settling into each other on his bed felt like bliss, especially for Fred. Fred realized how stupid he was for cramming himself in unnecessary stress and pushing away his best girl. He whispered to the girl on his chest, “I missed you, darling.”

You have another goofy grin and looked up at him with so much love spilling out of your eyes. “I missed you too, love.” They continued to stare into each others eyes before a loud snore from George broke their focus, making them both laugh. 

“Real romantic, Georgie,” Fred rolled his eyes before throwing a pillow at his twin, earning a startled snore from him.

“You boys,” Y/N muttered before leaning back into Fred’s chest to fall asleep listening to his heart beat.

[actual-fucking-clown]

Take your time then.

Aizawa x gender neutral reader

Story under the cut :)

Unedited but like edited but still not properly edited :)

Hope you enjoy!!!

a/n: it’s been a hot min since I’ve written a fic. I think the last time i was 14 and it was shit and on wattpad. Ha. I hate myself. N e way, I was recently writing some shit for an au me and my friend thought up and in the back of my mind I was like, “you should start writing fics again bc this is kinda fun”, soo lo and behold I made a post asking if anyone would be interested, shared a little too much personal shit in it but whatever, and have now decided to write this mother fucker. (3/25/21)

a/n: not sure if anyone will care about this series of a/n’s but I’m just chronicling thoughts ig. rewriting rn bc my first draft was short and ass. Also I’m thinking about opening requests after this is posted, will go into detail in a diff post maybe. (3/28/21)

a/n: deleted everything, rewriting. I just want to make something that might be decent and if I can give that feeling, y’know those chills you get when you read something utterly gorgeous, but I’m bad at writing. sadge (3/28/21, like several hours later)

a/n: ugh (4/1/21)

a/n: ugh pt 2 electric boogaloo. I can’t seem to move forward with the writing. I realized something like this might happen bc to solve a problem feelings need to be discussed and I fucking hate doing that so you can see where I’m fucking up lmaooooo (4/2/21)

a/n: I read angst to fuel my writing brain. So, read some angst, finally writing agian. This first section is probs as long as the story itself LMFAO(4/5/21)

Started: (3/25/21) Finished: (4/5/21)

Warnings: uh angst, curse words, like a lot, (i saw someone else put this as a warning, do I actually need it?), avoiding problems instead of actually facing them, mentions of shit so-so parenting, mentions of not being able to live up to high expectations, y’know, the works

Synopsis: Aizawa takes in Eri without running it by you first and expects you to be okay with it. That’s funny. He was wrong.

Can I preface this with a thought? I’m going to anyway,

all the fics I read paint him as the sweetest partner and I’m sure he is but I think they miss out on how blunt he is and his whole “Mr. Rationality” thing. So as much as I adore him I think there are situations that he’d be a bit more colder towards, a bit more straightforward about. Maybe even like a bit insensitive about but maybe bc he doesn’t have the full picture or something. so I guess this is another warning but aizawa is a little insensitive in the beginning (but like not really but kinda. it’s complicated)

~

Rain pattered softly against the window. The smell of some old random Bath and Bodyworks candle you’d dug out from a box you’d never bothered to unpack smothered the room. Some Netflix show idly played on a low volume on your computer, you’d lost interest in watching tv awhile ago. You needed a break. After the eventful month you’d been having you really needed this. 

Now of course your whole year so far had been eventful. What with all the villain attacks on you and Shouta’s class and the kidnapping of one of your students, to just dealing with the more mundane problems with your students. No. You had no problem with that. The villains, although not easy, were something you were trained to handle. The smaller problems with your students weren’t arduous either, after all you weren’t too much older than them. 

When reflecting on your situation, from and outside perspective it could be seen as the straw the broke the camels back, which sure, makes sense. After all, you’re bound to be stressed out by everything else, so why would this seemingly insignificant thing weigh heavier than a villain attack? Well if that is the situation why does this single straw feel like it weighs a ton? This is not that. This is not culmination of the events of this year draining the life from you. This is something entirely different. A panic inducing life change that completely took you by surprise mixed with your inability to actually face your problems. 

You don’t blame them. You can’t. They’ve done nothing wrong. A child. A small, probably mentally scarred child is your problem. Well not her personally but the fear taking care of her instills in you. Despite working in the field that you do, you cannot for the life of you handle actual children. Sure you’re a little awkward with your class but at least they’re young adults and (vaguely) mature and independent to a certain extent. The fact that your long term boyfriend just came back one day, small child in tow and said “Hey I’ve gotta look after this one now” not verbatim obviously, for a lack of better words, fucked you up. He basically solo adopted a kid and, let’s be honest, he probably expected you to help out. But how could you? How could this man look at you and think “I want this person to help me raise an already fucked up child?” Ok sure, he doesn’t at first give off the “I’m totally father figure material” vibe but in the end he is extremely competent. You on the other hand, not so much.

You’d never been good with children. Tried your best to steer clear of them. Didn’t matter the place, didn’t matter who’s kid, you couldn’t handle them. You would just stand there, awkwardly, not entirely sure of what to do and petrified that there was the possibility of making some mistake which would upset the child and then oh wow look, your head got chopped right of your shoulders. That’s hyperbole of course but it does sum up the insurmountable fear that overcomes you whenever you have to deal with a child. So considering the fact that your long term boyfriend had suddenly decided to adopt and not at least warn you, didn’t sit right with you.

So, the best and most obvious choice, was to avoid your problem. Avoid Shouta, avoid Eri. Avoid the mention of them and you, avoid it all. And honestly you’d done pretty well so far. You were able to have as little contact with them as possible considering the close proximity of your living quarters in the teacher’s dorms. After all they were legally supposed to give you two separate rooms but you never actually used yours, well until now. You were living it up honestly. Did you feel awful? Of course. He is your boyfriend after all and you were sure Eri doesn’t deserve your cold shoulder but this is probably for the best. What could you offer her? You weren’t sure that you were a good role model for her or anyone for that matter. What did you know about raising kids? it’s not like you had parents to set a proper example for you. Of course they might have shown you what not to do but where do you go from there? Is shit like that really avoidable? You don’t want to be like them. You strive to be better but what if you can’t be. There’s also the added bonus of the fact that raising a kid seems taxing on a relationship. Now matter how strong you were sure that the stress of a kid could break a relationship down that then festers into something toxic and unrecognizable. You didn’t want that. God you couldn’t let that happen. No. This was definitely for the better.

Of course Aizawa didn’t feel the same. He was confused on why his partner had been so blatantly avoiding him. Did he do something wrong? He doesn’t remember doing anything that might’ve upset you. So why now? Why pull away now? He had to get down to the bottom of this but catching you was the hard part. You had been taking on more work, offering more assistance to the other teachers, picking up extra patrols, doing everything and anything to stay away from Shouta. It took him a month but he finally caught up to you. You were tired, worn out he knew that. Instead of loading yourself with work you’d decided to hole yourself up in your room. It was now or never.

You were pulled out of your peace at the sound of a few gentle knocks to your door. You really didn’t want to get it. You honestly couldn’t be bothered. 

“(N/n)? Are you in there?” He hadn’t gotten it wrong right? He hadn’t been too distracted earlier and missed you leaving right?

“What’s up?” You hummed from your place by the window, not bothering to actually open the door.

“Can I come in?” Shouta asked, voice soft. You could barely hear him above the patter of the rain and the low humming of your laptop.

“Uh, no, kinda busy. Got loads of work to do. Need to focus, sorry. Maybe later?” You hesitantly spoke. Not sure if you were convincing enough. 

Apparently you weren’t.

He sighed. “It’s been “later” for an entire month. Please (Y/n) just let me in. Whatever this is we can talk it out.” You had predicted that eventually Shouta would start to try to crack down on whatever the issue was but you didn’t expect it so soon. 

“Uh...no?” You tried, hoping that maybe he’d just give up but that wasn’t Shouta.

“No, you don’t get that option, now please, open the door.” Although it was still soft his voice had taken a more stern tone.

“Oh no I’m dead. I guess I can’t open the door. What a shame. I guess the only way to talk with me now is in the pits of hell.” You quipped, trying to lessen the tension that already ran thick.

“(Y/n).” Aizawa sighed.

“Jeez fine. Talk about pushy.” You quipped once more to no avail.

Opening the door you were met with, well exactly what you expected. He stood there, arms crossed, a stern yet gentle look in his eyes, his lips pulled into a slight frown. 

“Come in.” You mumbled as you stepped further into your room.

“So tell me. What’s wrong?” The sentence stirred so much. Of course you wanted to tell him. You wanted to spill your guts to the man you loved in hopes of comfort but you just can’t. You know you’ll just scare him off. You know you’ll make things worse.

So you stay silent.

He says nothing as he grabs your hands gently and leads you over to your bed. He sits the two of you down on the edge, muting the movie on the laptop sitting behind him.

“You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you right?” Shouta sent you a warm smile. 

You weren’t very comfortable with discussing your feelings sometimes, it mostly stemmed from the fact that you never really could discuss them with anyone growing up which made it harder to confide in anyone now, as at this point bottling things up was a habit. But this was also just something that you were sure that you couldn’t talk about.

Silence answered him once again.

Now he took sometime to think about his approach, think about what could’ve happened that made you pull away. What did he do that was different from his norm? He was genuinely stumped and the fact that you weren’t helping him confused him even more.

You decided to take this time to lament the situation too. What was he going to do? Should you actually tell him or play it off? If you play it off will he still insist that something is wrong? If you tell him will he leave you? If you don’t tell him will he leave you? You risked a glance at him, he was still deep in thought.

Why did you have to adopt this fucking kid without at least warning me?

“What?” Your head shot up at the sound of his shocked voice.

“What?” You asked, genuinely confused.

“Eri’s the problem...?” He spoke slowly, not entirely sure if he’d heard you right.

“Did I say that out loud?” You squeaked.

“I’m pretty sure you mumbled something along the lines of “why’d you have to adopt that fucking kid”.” Shouta said, unsure if he’d heard wrong. Wanting to have heard wrong.

“No no no no no no! It’s not like that! I mean it is like that but not like that!” You frantically waved your hands in hopes of defusing the situation.

The way he looked at you made you want to cry. You felt horrible. You felt like the biggest asshole in the world and, at this point you probably were. He looked at you with such a look of heartbreak and disappointment and confusion it made you sick to your stomach. You felt light-headed and started shaking. You were right. You were right. You were always right. God why did you have to be right! Why did you have to be like this? Scared of raising a fucking child! It was asinine and irrational and you could probably move past it  but thanks to your stupid fucking brain you just sealed your fate.

You scooted away from him still waving your hands frantically as no’s tumbled endlessly from your lips. You tried sputtering an apology, anything so that he wouldn’t look at you like that but nothing stuck. Nothing was comprehensible. Nothing worked. Nothing would work. Nothing will work. You were hopeless. It was hopeless. 

“If it isn’t like how it seems then tell it to me straight.” Shouta finally spoke up.

You took a second to come down from your panic. You steeled your nerves as much as possible before you spoke. 

“Um well, I have nothing against her it’s just that a little heads up would’ve been nice? I’m not all that great with kids so this is just kind of weird is all.” You were purposefully being vague in hopes that he’d understand what you meant and also maybe drop it.

“Not great with kids? You’re literally a teacher.” He pointed out.

“Yeah you know but she’s like a kid kid and let’s be honest I’m not too great with the students either.” You awkward laughed. So he wasn’t getting it.

“Wha-you’re fine with the students and I’m sure you’ll be fine with Eri, there was no reason to avoid me over this.” Shouta sighed. As good as he was with dealing with people, he was equally as shit. Or maybe it was just the fact that you gave him very little to work with. It was probably a bit of both. Still his dismissiveness was not helping you right now.

“No, no, no, no. I think I’ll stay here. Uh, good luck with your parenthood escapades and sorry to leave you high and dry like this but that’s going to have to be a no from me.” You rambled. He seemed to be getting a little tired of this.

“(Y/n) stop being irrational. She’s not even our kid I’m just looking after her for now. Why are you being difficult? I told you you were fine with the students and you’ll be fine with Eri, what else do you want to hear?” Shouta grumbled.

“Well uh I don’t know, uh...” You trailed off, this seemed to be going in a direction you really didn’t want it to go. A slight hostility settling in the air.

At your lack of a proper answer he clicked his tongue. He took a moment to reassess the situation. There had to be something he was missing. After all you were getting really worked up but if you weren’t going to talk to him there was nothing he could do. He shook his head before running a frustrated hand through his hair.

“(Y/n), please, please, just be honest with me. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, you can tell me. But I won’t be able to understand if you don’t.” Aizawa sighed, deciding that getting worked up about this was not the way to go, especially when you seemed to be especially distraught.

“Uh, god the thing is I don’t know entirely what to say to put the shitshow in my head into perspective.” You mumbled, trying desperately to figure out what to say that could clear the air but nothing seemed to be coherent enough.

“Take your time.” He decided that this was the best approach to things, making sure neither party got too worked up lest this turn into a fight.

The rain continued to patter softly against the window and your candle continued to burn an slightly off floral-ish scent.  A deafening silence hung in the air because even though he was being as patient as possible some of his frustration leaked through, it was bound to though so you couldn’t exactly blame him. After all, you were probably equally as frustrated with yourself too. 

“I’m just not good in a position like this. I’m not good with kids, especially someone like Eri who’s already so broken. You have that nurturing nature, it comes natural to you but I’m not on that level. I  don’t know the first thing about caring for a child let alone one as already traumatized as her. I’d fuck it up and only make things worse. I don’t want you to reassure me that I’ll be okay with her, I want you to understand that I’m not comfortable with this and that it might take me awhile to come around. I’m sure I sound like the biggest asshole ever but please understand that this just isn’t something I’m ready for.” You had rambled a bit, you were aware of that, but it was the only way that you could properly express your feelings without making things too complicated.

Aizawa said nothing. Trying to figure out how to go about things.

Was he upset? Yeah, you two, even after several long years of being together, hadn’t discussed moving forward in your relationship in depth. And if he’d tried you seemed content with the point you two were at so he left it be, no reason to try and move forward when what you had was already fine the way it was. But recently he’d been craving more. Some mornings, when he’d be the first to wake, he’d study your features in the soft light of the sunrise and wonder what it’d be like to properly settle down with you. Get married, start a family, all that jazz. He’d taken in Eri only because it was the most rational decision. His quirk would be good for quelling hers had it ever gotten out of hand. But it also seemed to quell his musings of something more with you. He had imagined you being a good parental figure for the little girl and it made his heart flutter and his stomach explode with butterflies. But now seeing that that wasn’t what you wanted and how you weren’t ready for it, it stung. But in the end, he loved you. He’d easily give his life for you. So, if that meant waiting he’d wait. He’d wait a million years if he had to. He could do it.

Once again he spoke,

“Take your time then. I can wait.”

Tagslist?: @captainchrisstan (I think you said you wanted to be tagged but I’m also just small brained lol If u didn’t want to and I misinterpreted things just let me know :) )

[breitzbachbea]

📓?? 👀

Okay, okay, okay, so -

Put “📓” or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I’ll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven’t written but daydream about.

The Ancient Olympics AU (which I talked about with @crispyliza )

This AU came into being after I relistened to the "The Ancient Olympics" episode of the history/comedy podcast "You're Dead To Me". It had the interesting information that a lot of Olympic winners actually came from Sicily & South Italy! So naturally I began to wonder what might have happened if my Sicilians ended up in Olympia ...

Dramatis Personae:

- Michele Vento (APH Sicily, my OC) as Trainer of the Bontade Twins - Marco & Lorenzo Bontade (Human OCs of mine) as Athletes from Syracuse - Herakles Karpuzi (APH Greece) as Athlete from Athens - Timothea Simonides (Human OC) as Herakles' Trainer - Omar Simonides (Human OC) as ... Good question? Co-Trainer to Thea ig

The Happenings™:

- Lorenzo and Marco want to compete in the upcoming Olympics as runners. Michele,probably a distant relative to them who lives close, becomes their trainer.

- The Sicilians roll up to Olympia, most likely a few days early because travelling is an adventure in these days and it doesn't hurt to have a few extra days to get accustomed to the terrain.

- Michele also definitely loses the Bontade twins 10 minutes after arriving at the sanctuary bc he wasn't looking for 0.5 seconds. So now he lost his boys at a place that currently contains approximately half of Magna Graecia.

- The reason he wasn't paying attention? Some athletes were preparing themselves nearby, bucknaked of course. Amongst them Herakles. Michele has always been a sucker for strong arms and legs, so that plus Herakles' beautiful face has him swooning from the get go.

- After he recollects his twins, they spend the next few days training, as do the other athletes, which is when Herakles notices Michele's looks.

- Christina (crispyliza) had the galaxy brain idea that Herakles intentionally flirts with Michele to sabotage the Bontades success at the games. It's an idea that he comes up with together with the Simonides - to be completely fair, it was probably Timothea's. Omar: "My, looks like you've got a fanboy." Herakles: "And what a pretty one at that." Timothea: "He seems to be a bit shy about it, though. Or maybe he's actually after those twin brothers?" (They figure out he's the Bontades trainer) Timothea: "Oh, he's a trainer! Pretty sucky at his job though if he's oogling the competition so much." Omar: "All the better for us, though." Timothea: -oil lamp ignites over her head bc light bulbs aren't invented yet-

- While we're at the Simonides: This was before it was mandatory for everyone to be naked, so Timothea managed to sneak into the games by posing as a man. Omar helps her with it, since he's trans and thusly got experience. Christina also had the hilarious idea of them having fake beards, which is just, YES. Timothea definitely cut her hair and they made whatever beard is in fashion in Athens at the time out of them. Their mother Natasa used to be a famed winner of the Heraea, the woman's games also held in Olympia.

- So let the games GreSic flirting begin

- The Problem: Michele doesn't want his boys to think he's betraying them for a rival athlete. He also really wants Herakles to rail him. The Solution: Find ways to be sneaky and secretive about it so the twins don't have to find out. Here is one of the possible scenarios I had for this: "When I first thought about this, I also had this scene in my head. Idk how accurate it works, bc it involves a tent and in the ydtm episode they didn't mention how people were housed during the games. (Like, I am sure there were guest houses, the temples probably offered some places to sleep, both of that but in upscale fancy for all the rich and important people attending yadda yadda.) Do you know that trope(?) when someone has sex but is trying to hide it? That. Just Michele sticking his head out of the tent, clutching at the fabric to keep everything else closed. Tells his twins, who looked for him, he is kind of busy rn. Tries is best to hide the fact of what is actually happening and to make them leave. It works. Kind of. Because as soon as they are gone, Michele sighs with a :| look and tells Hera to stop. "But why?" "Because you would have to nail every corner of this tent down and then they'd still find a way to spy!" Which is exactly what the twins ARE doing. They are trying their best to get an unnoticed peak from one place of the tent. But because it has to be subtle, all they get to see is feet and they either don't hear them or don't recognize Herakles' voice. I don't think he is the person to go out of his way to pick on people or pick fights in general, so they probably haven't had much interaction. So Michele smoothes out his chiton annoyed and leaves the tent, to then just stomp around enough for the twins to notice him and pretend they weren't doing what he knew they were doing."

- One day however, Marco & Lorenzo are missing their trainer and can't find him. They run into Thea & Omar, who are missing their athlete. Hm. Weird. Wonder what's that all about :)

- They end up catching Michele and Herakles in the act, just out there somewhere underneath a tree, which, naturally, makes the Bontades VERY upset. Lorenzo: "What do you think you are doing?!" Omar, in his head: 'Herakles, obviously.' Marco: "He's the COMPETITION, Michele!" Both: "You've left us all alone for THAT?!" Since the Simonides were in on the whole thing, they're not surprised just disappointed that Herakles vanished without a heads up. "Well, that ain't sprinting practice."

- The most hilarious thing is that could not even tell you who wins the race. I didn't even think about that part until yesterday. I'm kind of particular to the thought that it's somewhat of a photo finish with the three of them, but the twins come out on top. Since there can only be one winner, they flippantly let one of them be chosen by the equivalent of a coin toss. So technically, either Marco or Lorenzo has won, but they keep both parading around with the wreath and insist that the inscription to them mentions them both as winners. Now, if they got their way is another story, I didn't read any academic articles on this at. all.

- Second place is as good as last in the Ancient Greek world, but Herakles takes the loss in stride. Timothea is probably the one who's most upset. Marco: "Hah, so all your flexing - " Lorenzo: "and all your fucking for nothing in the end!" Michele: "Hey, I'd like to think I'm a reward in and of myself, not an obstacle."

Sequel Bait:

- Back home in Siracusa, Michele gets asked if he doesn't want to train his cousins, too. The ones from Neapolis. The ones Michele can't stand. However, his mother talks him into it and he agrees. Extra funny because Lovino & Feliciano were also talked into it by THEIR parents. So Michele spends the next four years butting heads with Lovino, knowing fully well their mother will rip his head off if they don't do well. Lovino is of course hiding his giant insecurities about disappointing his loving father & mother behind snark. Michele will arrive at Olympia with four athletes in two this time and looks like he aged 40, not 4 years from all the stress.

- Herakles is no competition this time, though! He wants to try his hand at wrestling this year. However, very quickly after his arrival, he butts heads with a fellow wrestler from one of the Greek colonies in Asia minor. Only thing's more annoying than his big mouth, which he shares with his wrestling buddy, are probably the flirtations coming out of it & Herakles can't wait to show him his place. (Yes, I do know that the Turkish people came into the area that is modern day Turkey far, far later, he should be of another ethnicity [and he gotta be Greek to participate, anyways] but. Is any of you really going to deny me Herakles and Sadık wrestling, bucknaked, covered in oil? I'd hope the fuck not.)

[sanktnikolais]

Shadow and Soul

A/N: guess who has another content again after like two months? KJAHSFLKHASDF 

Have this Mafia au bc the Vincenzo energy in me is very strong rn and i wanted to write some chaotic/serious mafia au

Word count: 4701

CW: Violence 

An attempt on the head of the Lantsov Family's life has occurred under their noses, and it's up to the Underboss and her Consigliere to settle things the clean way or the dirty way.

How Zoya could still find patience for the man in front of her was a mystery. But having more patience for the all-too-smiling Consigliere beside her was a skill she had acquired over the years, and as much as she wanted to strangle her lawyer companion, she couldn’t deny she was enjoying the look of rage on Anton Demidov’s eyes as he tried not to lash out his anger. The smug facade he was currently wearing wasn't able to keep the emotions from showing in his gaze. 

          The small restaurant they were cramped in was humid enough to dry up what’s left of her restraint from wanting to tear the furious look from the man’s face, but she strengthened her resolve. There were several other people dining in here with them, and it would be rude if she suddenly did something rather unlady-like to this gentleman in a suit. Besides, she did promise the infuriating blond that she would ‘be diplomatic for once’, as per his request. 

          Perhaps she could try to be. 

          “It’s a fair deal, dearest Anton,” said Nikolai to the Demidovs' caporegime, still grinning his usual crowd-winning smile. When his eyes cast down to Anton’s now clenched fist on the table, the glint of amusement in Nikolai’s eyes only became brighter. If there was something her Consigliere was good at, it was pushing another person’s buttons by merely smiling. “No more threats to the Lantsovs and no more operating the casino without our jurisdiction, and I will personally tell our enforcers to stop the assault on your family’s businesses. Possibly sprinkle a monthly cut from your profit into our pockets, too, no?"

          Considering how Anton’s jaw twitched in annoyance only told Zoya that he didn’t like the deal at all. Having the upper hand over the Lantsovs meant being powerful enough to actually go against them, and considering that they were the most powerful among the families, it was a rather bold move to attempt murdering Alexander Lantsov. 

          Ever since the day the Lantsov head was openly shot at, along with plenty of their men in the streets of Os Alta, Zoya had considered the move as an act of war and broke any peace treaties between their families. She led the attack on the biggest casino the Demidovs had in Kribirsk, effectively shutting the place down and cutting the third of the family’s investments. The assaults continued for the next two weeks, even the smallest businesses didn’t escape their wrath, until the Demidovs were backed to the corner and forced to surrender. 

          If it were another circumstance, she would have stopped there. She knew they would have learned their lesson by that time. Yet the thought of failing to protect their chief because she hadn’t anticipated any attempts on his life that day only gave her enough reason to continue the attacks. 

          "I would suggest listening to him. Do him a favor, will you? He loves talking,” Zoya said with unexpected calmness. She leaned back to a more comfortable position in her chair, reaching up to remove the first button by her collar. 

          This must have brought the wrong impression on Anton's guards stationed by the far window to the left, and they were already reaching for their weapons from their holsters. She merely raised an eyebrow at them. 

          Panic seized Anton’s eyes as he turned to his guards. He pointed a finger at them. “You’ve frisked them, right?” he demanded. Even though he tried to sound very much authoritative, the slight tremor in his voice didn't go unnoticed by Zoya. But the guards seemed to be oblivious of this, and still nodded nervously. “Then why are you all acting hostile? Stand down.”

          Zoya snickered silently. So much for being the one to lead the assassination attempt but was already panicking over the smallest movement she made. She itched for her gun, which was unfortunately dismantled and held by Anton's right hand man as per their no weapons rule during business talks. Her shoulder holsters felt impossibly light without its presence. Maybe it was time to stop the bullshit that was called 'talking' and just start the real line of action. 

          Patience, dearest Zoya, her infuriating Consigliere's voice echoed in her head. The way he was starting to rub off on her was terrifying. It'd be a good thing to be diplomatic for once. 

          "No need to be jumpy, Anton. It's just too humid in here." Zoya emphasized her statement by fanning herself with a hand. She heard Nikolai chuckle beside her. "Besides, it's not that I have any more weapons on me."

          Come on, lash out at me, goaded Zoya in her mind. Give me enough reason to finally take you down where you stand. 

          Anton turned back to her and smiled tightly. "I'm aware of that, Miss Nazyalensky. But I can't blame my men for taking precautions, especially around someone who's known to be ruthless."

          "I'm honored, sir, but we can't as much as do anything considering the number of your guards in here with us." She shrugged, gesturing to her right. "There's just the four of us." 

          Her eyes met the two lone guards of their own at the opposite side. Where they only brought the twins along with them for safety, was Anton Demidov’s unit of at least twenty men surrounding the place. She almost found it funny—he was the one to first make a threat over the Lantsovs and yet he was cowering in front of them.

          Tamar made a face, gesturing crudely to the Demidov caporegime and making Zoya chuckle lightly. Her twin brother Tolya kicked her in the shin, but there was no denying the smile he was fighting to appear on his lips. Seeing their presence lightened the tense weight on her shoulders somehow, as she knew that they alone could take Demidov's men if things went south. 

          And considering the stubborn set of Anton's jaw and the fury in his eyes, blood will surely be shed tonight.

          Zoya glanced around the room, silently counting how many of his guards were inside the restaurant with them. She let her eyes wander for a few moments, and she was able to count at least eight. There were probably a few more she hadn't seen, but her eyes catching a woman in a bright red overcoat was enough to make her wince and look back to Demidov. 

          "A rather powerful move," Nikolai said lowly, making her turn to him with a raised brow. There was a smirk playing on his lips as he continued to watch the other man, and it was a clear sign that he was quite enjoying seeing Demidov almost ready to explode. He leaned a bit closer to her ear. "It's really not the perfect time or place to take off your clothes, sir. But if you can make them squirm by doing just that, then be my guest. A little fun before the storm isn't so bad." 

          Zoya rolled her eyes, her foot connecting solidly to his leg. He let out a muffled wheezed, and he covered it up by clearing his throat when Anton gave him a weird look. Knowing Nikolai was already stressful enough, but having him as her Consigliere and hearing him do the talking most of the time was exhausting. 

          But he got things done without having to use guns or knives. Words were his weapons, and though he was often mild and considerate during negotiations, he still wielded his words dangerously when circumstances deemed it necessary. 

          "What do you say, Demidov?" Nikolai said, his grin returning. "It's a rather generous deal."

          The table rattled as Anton's fist slammed down on it. "We will not be your family's lapdog," he growled through gritted teeth. If he had been able to hold in his rage, now he was full on acting on it, just like Zoya had expected him to do. "You think you're all so powerful and strong just because you're controlling this city, but not to me." He looked at Nikolai with utter disgust. "I'm surprised Alexander even cared for his bastard enough to appoint him as Consigliere out of all designations."

          Something snapped inside Zoya, feeling her suppressed rage flare back to the surface, and she was already considering tipping over the table to the man's face. But a hand enclosed around her wrist from under the table, the touch warm and familiar for her to know it was Nikolai. He must have sensed her sudden want to resort to the worst way. 

          She risked a glance at him. A shadow had passed over his usual cheerful face, his eyes hard and empty as his jaw twitched in anger. Then a smile appeared on his lips a moment later, the sharp, wicked smile of a man who had reached the last straw of his patience. 

          "Are getting personal now, Anton?" Nikolai said, his tone still surprisingly calm. "I thought it was all business?" 

          "Oh, that's true. All business, Lantsov," Anton spat Nikolai’s name like a poison that stung his mouth. "And if I kill you right now, I can just report you for trespassing. It's still business, no? I'm just protecting my property." 

          Zoya raised an eyebrow. "Is that an open threat?" she said flatly. “Do tell me if it is so we can settle this the way I know we both wanted from the start.”

          "Depends on how you put it." Anton gestured to the door. "And if you both are smart enough, then that means you know your only choice is to leave."

          So the Demidovs still chose not to have a ceasefire between the families. It was exactly how she expected this night would go. Nikolai owed her a drink later.

          "You're acting way too brash for a caporegime," said Zoya as she reached for the cup in front of her to take a sip of the leftover coffee from an hour ago. "Are you sure your family could handle another attack in any of your remaining businesses?"

          Anton looked almost smug. Confident, even, as if he suddenly had the upper hand against them. Oh, how Zoya hated to ruin his bravado. "As you've said, Nazyalensky, there's only four of you. So you should watch that tongue of yours."

          A sneer threatened its way to her lips, but she didn't dare let it show. She wondered if he would still have the same smugness later, when she finally demonstrated the 'ruthlessness' Anton liked to describe her with. 

          There was a tense silence around them, and if Zoya listened harder, she was sure she could hear the guards' heavy breathing even from ten meters away. She eyed the other exits—all guarded by Demidov's men. Even the twins' position to their right was at a disadvantage, they could be easily opened fire on if they weren't fast enough to take cover.

          "Very well. It would not be a fair fight." She relented, making it sound as convincing as possible. She put the cup back on the table. "We will just leave."

          The Demidov caporegime huffed but didn't say anything more. He leaned back on his chair, his triumphant smile never wavering. "I'm glad you're finally starting to think, Miss Nazyalensky." 

          Another wave of annoyance, and what she could sense as her suppressed rage resurfacing, washed over her. She wrinkled her nose in displeasure. They should have just ambushed the caporegime on his way here. It would have been much easier. Plus, they could even save time and sanity for not going through this 'civilized' negotiation. In their world where power was the only thing to protect you, you should never give a chance to your enemy to take it from you. 

          Eliminate and narrow down the list of your enemies. 

          It was now up to Nikolai whether they would go through it or just leave. 

          The Consigliere leaned back on the chair, his other hand reaching up to loosen his tie. There was a look of disappointment on his face, but his eyes said otherwise. He was already expecting this. "That was quite an exchange," he said with a shrug. Then he shook himself for a bit. "Wow, I think I need to use the restroom after all that. Do you mind if I go? Or should your guards come along to make sure I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary?" 

          "Just get on with it and leave. I should have known this meeting was useless from the start." 

          Nikolai feigned a hurtful look. "Oh, how harsh," he said dramatically. "But alright, your call." 

          The hand that was still around Zoya's wrist loosened, his fingers coming around until his forefinger rested on her pulse point. Warmth erupted from where his skin met hers, and she tried not to let it distract her from the message he was trying to say. He had held her like this far too many times, had even been in a much closer proximity than now when their situation needed them be, and yet her heart still threatened to leap out of her chest whenever he touched her. 

          Focus, her mind berated, and that’s when she felt it: his finger tapping on her skin twice. It was their go signal. They had made their own sign language over the past three years, when business talks and other matters got a bit out of hand and they needed to subtly communicate with the other. It was something that only the two of them knew of, and it definitely did wonders for them when words weren’t needed. 

          Zoya gave him a pointed glance sideways as he stood up and let go of her wrist. It was the look that said, I told you so, and she knew if they were somewhere else, Nikolai would have frowned and whined something back. But it wasn’t the time for it.

          With one last squeeze to her wrist, he finally let go, straightening the lapels of his coat to show his disappointment on how the negotiation had gone. He cast one last glance to the Demidov caporegime before taking his leave and going to the restroom. Zoya let her gaze follow him until he disappeared around a corner. 

          Please don't be a moron and find it, she thought before standing up as well, reaching for his suitcase that was carelessly lying on the floor. 

          One of Anton's guards, which she recognized as his right hand man, approached the table. He had a skeptical gaze on her, like he was readying himself to defend his boss if ever she decided to suddenly do something. 

          She gave the man a cold smile, amusement bubbling in her chest when she saw him wince and look away to turn to his boss.

          Zoya took the moment to glance at the twins and give them the smallest of nods. They immediately understood, with Tamar moving away from their spot to come nearer to the table. Tolya remained in his position, but he already had his hand braced on the holster around his hips. 

          "That Consigliere of yours," Anton started, making Zoya look back at him. His second was holding up the coat to him, and he turned to shrug it on back to his shoulders. "He really does love talking, doesn't he? It might be the reason he gets killed one day.”

          As if I would let that happen. It made her eyebrows furrow, her gaze narrowing dangerously to the caporegime. He had been making a lot of subtle threats to them, and Zoya wasn’t letting it slide. Only one family would be walking out from this place tonight.

          And it wasn’t going to be the Demidovs.

          “Worry not, Anton,” said Zoya, her cold smile returning, “I’ll make sure to tell him that.” 

          “Tell me what?” Nikolai’s too cheery voice echoed a moment later, and Zoya turned to his direction and saw him approaching them. He had stripped off his long coat, leaving him in his shirt and tie. Her eyes went to the coat he was holding. The way it was folded on his hand looked enough for it to conceal something, and she could only assume he found it.

          “Nothing of importance, dearest Consigliere,” Zoya mused, reaching for her own coat hanging on the chair’s backrest. “Just some gibberish, though I can tell you about it later.”

          Nikolai chuckled. “I do hope it’s not something alarming,” he said. Then he stepped in front of her, his hand catching her wrist again to stop her from putting on her coat. Then with a small smile that softened his features, he murmured, “Let me.”

          She let him take her coat from her hand, and gently, he helped her slip it on. To others, it would look like a normal sight; a man assisting his Underboss like any other members of the family would. But if one were to look closely, it was actually just an act to cover something up. 

          Zoya looked up at his eyes with mock respect when there was the familiar weight of a weapon being slipped back to her shoulder holster. Nikolai made a face in return.

          I found it, he mouthed with a wince. Then he tugged at the lapels of the coat a bit roughly, as if to get back at her for doubting him, and it earned a glare from Zoya. He smiled innocently, then his hands came up to the back of her neck to free her hair that was caught up in the collar. She tried not to get distracted by his ministrations, but she found it hard when he reached her collar, fixing it down to make it presentable. They were too close, the act anything if not intimate, and her breath hitched in her throat when his fingers lingered a moment too long on the side of her neck.

          Then she felt the soft brush of his thumb against her jaw; it was enough to stop her thoughts altogether. 

          But Nikolai only winked, a cheeky smile evident on his lips before he stepped back. Zoya wanted nothing more than to strangle him right then. But then again, it wasn’t the time for it. Perhaps later. 

          She regained her stoic composure, walking over to Anton Demidov who had been completely oblivious of the exchange. It was only out of respect that she still would end their meeting with a handshake. If there was something she refused to let go in her morals, it was respect. 

          Zoya held her hand out to Anton. The man was hesitant, but still took it anyway. “Well, I bid you farewell, Sir Demidov,” she said with a cutting smile, her grip tightening around his hand enough for him to look alarmed. “It’s a pleasure having the chance to talk to you.”

          Then her other hand reached to her holster, grabbed the gun Nikolai had put there, and shot Anton Demidov in the leg.

          The man crumpled down on the floor, a scream tearing from his throat as he clutched at his wound. Horror was evident in his gaze as he looked up at her. His right-hand didn’t have time to draw his weapon when another shot rang out from somewhere behind Zoya, hitting the man on his shooting arm, and he dropped to the ground as well. Anton’s several other guards with them started to spring to action, but it was the exact time that all the people dining in the restaurant stood up, drawing out their own weapons and surrounding the Demidov associates.

          Outside, gunfire echoed as well. Then after a few moments, it went silent again.

          Zoya looked around the expanse of the room. Anton’s remaining guards stood completely frozen in their places as dozens of guns pointed to their direction. She hummed in approval and looked over her shoulder, seeing Tamar still holding her gun to the right-hand man’s direction. 

          Thanks, Zoya mouthed to the woman, who in return tipped her head in acknowledgement. 

          “As I’ve said earlier,” she started, waving the barrel of her gun down to Anton’s face, “it would not be a fair fight.”

          “What—what is the meaning of this?” Anton demanded, his voice quivering in both terror and pain. He tried to back away from Zoya, but someone had already stopped him with a foot on his shoulder. 

          She looked up and saw the woman who wore the bright red overcoat that made her eyes hurt, and Zoya gave her an unamused look. “Something a bit tamer next time, Genya?” she said. “It’s a bit overwhelming to look at. Maybe a maroon.”

          Genya laughed lightly. “Of course, anything you say, sir.”

          Zoya nodded in gratitude before she turned back to Anton, who was still on the ground. “This night could have gone well, you know? All we wanted was your approval for a ceasefire. But here you were, acting all too smug for a family whose reputation is almost down the drain and making empty threats that you have no power to do.” She stepped forward, jabbing her foot down the man’s injured leg and earning another scream from him. “Well, wasn’t it you who pulled the trigger on the Don? Now man up, take it like a champ.”

          “How” —Anton wheezed out in pain— “how is this possible? My men have frisked you and your Consigliere.”

          Nikolai appeared beside her, looking casual in his posture as if he had come to a reunion with some old friends. “Simple. You don’t check the customers coming into your business,” he explained. “Another civilian could enter the same restroom earlier before the Consigliere, and he could have slipped a weapon and taped it under the sink.” He shook his head with a dramatic sigh. “Only goes to show how shit your security is, by the way.”

          The Demidov caporegime could only look at them in disbelief, his eyes going back and forth to Zoya and her Consigliere. Then a laugh escaped him, the loud, desperate kind of a madman. She almost pitied him. The feeling of being backed against the corner having nothing other than yourself to trust and lean on.

          She would commend this man for fighting tooth and nail for his Family’s survival and reputation, and yet he had chosen the wrong way to do it by trying to assassinate one of the biggest Dons in the country and starting a war. There were some battles that were out of one’s reach and power, and it had been the Demidovs to take the risk and lose everything to their wrong decisions.

          Anton continued laughing for another long moment, his breaths becoming more labored the longer he laughed. Then when it seemed that he finally ran out of air, he looked back up to her. If Zoya was expecting to see defeat in his eyes, then she was so wrong. 

          Because in them, she saw nothing but cold fury, the kind that brought a lingering feeling of dread in your chest. If she were some other person, she was sure she would have cowered back and let fear take over. 

          But that was before she knew what horrors the world they lived in now did to young and naive girls. Fear was one’s shadow, something they could never go against nor get rid of, so she learned how to wield it as her weapon instead. 

          “What are you going to do now? Kill me?” Anton said, another laugh escaping his lips. He had already gone pale from the loss of blood, but he continued. “Killing me would only make things worse. It’s not going to change anything.”

          Nikolai pretended to consider a thought, his eyebrows furrowing. “You’re right,” he said. “But I think I have an idea.” He stepped forward, and Zoya handed him her gun. 

          Without wasting another second, he pointed the gun to Anton’s other leg and pulled the trigger. The beginning of a howl tore from the caporegime’s throat, and he hadn’t even had the chance to fully voice out his pain when Nikolai shot him again on the shoulder.

          Zoya blinked in surprise, the gears in her mind working as she looked back to Nikolai. Gone was the diplomatic look of the Consigliere, only the face of the Demon Prince remained, the same persona that terrorized the streets of Halmhend City for years. His eyes held a dangerous glint that she only saw him have for his sworn enemies. 

          “That’s not even the same number of bullets my father took when you tried to murder him in the open,” Nikolai said mildly. “But don’t worry, I made sure not to hit you anywhere critical. Killing you will get you an easy way out. I don’t want that.” He kneeled down beside Anton, leaning dangerously close to the man with the barrel of the gun planted on his chest. “I want you to see how your Family despises you because you couldn’t let go of your ego and accept that you’ve made a grave mistake. I’ve offered a ceasefire, but you didn’t take it. So I guess you’d rather take a few bullets, then?” 

          Through his labored breathing and pained state, Anton still managed to glare at the Consigliere. The man’s got determination, Zoya would give him that. But he had made the worst decision of having Nikolai as his enemy. 

          There was another tense silence, and then Nikolai was laughing lightly, patting the caporegime on the cheek. Just like that, he was back to the cheerful Consigliere persona. “I like this one,” he told Anton’s right-hand man who lay a few feet away from them, a look of fear in his eyes. “Fiery soul. Make sure he’s back to his feet in a few days, alright? I want to see what Irina would do to him.”

          Zoya shook her head and watched as Nikolai stood up and handed back the gun to her. He looked back at her with a confused expression.

          “What?”

          “Nothing. Remind me again not to strangle you next time you do something brash?” She turned to their men who were still patiently waiting for their next order. “Get them out to the other side of the street. Make sure they’re easily seen by their colleagues when they arrive.”

          Their men immediately did as they were told, shuffling out of the restaurant quietly as they dragged the Demidov Family’s associates to the streets. Tamar and Tolya waited for the both of them by the front doors. 

          “Was that even necessary?” Zoya asked the Consigliere, who shrugged in return.

          “It’s only fair I’ve wounded him. It’s nothing compared to the men he’d killed in the ambush as we haven’t even taken any of his men’s heads.” Nikolai said, putting his long coat back on. “I have actually talked to Irina Demidov yesterday. She told me to get rid of him.” 

          Having a talk with the Demidov’s Underboss only meant bad news. “Really?”

          “Yeah, but I’ll let them handle it. Besides, they twist the fact that we killed one of their caporegime against us. We both know their history.” 

          Zoya huffed. “Good thinking,” she said. 

          “There’s a reason why I am indeed a Consigliere, Nazyalensky,” said Nikolai, feigning a hurtful look. “I’m not all talk and no action.”

          “Yeah, sure. Whatever you say.” She paused when her eyes caught sight of the messed up knot of his tie. Her hands were already reaching to fix it before she could even realize what she was doing, and she heard his breath hitch in his throat. At least she wasn’t the only one who got caught off guard when the other was near. 

          She finally finished straightening his tie after a few more moments, patting down at his collar for emphasis. “There you go,” said Zoya. Her voice coming out a bit breathless than she intended was something she hadn’t expected from herself. “Now we’re even.” She stepped back, putting a bit of distance between them and looking anywhere but him. “Let’s get out of here before the Demidovs arrive to get their associates.”

***

And as the car sped into the distance some time later, the place where the restaurant the Demidovs owned was now nothing but ashes on the ground.

[damedamedame]

okay, i’m back, sorry i can’t get enough- can i request headcannons of teru, tsukasa and akane walking in to their s/o in the corner of the room sniffling, and instantly thought someone or something hurt them, and was bout to throw sum hands? But in reality they were just crying over a really sad fanfic. you don’t have to accept if you a lot of request alr doe, but thanks if you did 💞 :3

VARIOUS X READER HEADCANONS - REQUEST

“For Real?”

NOTES: ayyy you’re back :00 !! thanks for requesting againnn by the way my inbox is like a fuckin desert so no worries :333

P.S. - i don’t accept tsukasa usually but like,, special exception :3???

-

-> TERU MINAMOTO

As the President’s girlfriend, you are allowed full access to the Student Council Room much to Akane’s dismay.

You know what?? Akane’s gonna get kicked out again if says anything :DD

But he doesn’t really mind you.

In fact: you mind him.

*stressed (Y/N) noises as he continues to gush about Aoi*

Anyone who says ‘Hey, you can’t go in there!’ because you’re not a part of the student council shall be ignored :’)))

Teru’s got his eyes on everyone lmaoo

did i just make him sound like a yandere?? n-nah

ANYWAYSSSS 👏👏👏

You use the Student Council Room for *ehem* r e a s o n s. No, you definitely don’t use the room to read fanfictions and visual novels. Nope. Not at all.

But you actually do >:333

You’re inside that very room right now, tapping away at your phone to keep reading the next passages of the oNE OF THE SADDEST VISUAL NOVELS YOU’VE EVER SEEN—

saeyoung choi, anyone?

Then comes in Teru.

PLEASE CUE TERU BLINKING SEVERAL TIMES AND FROZEN IN PLACE AFTER SEEING THE TEARS JUST RUNNING DOWN YOUR CHEEKS

Nonono, Teru never wanted to see you cry about anything ever !! :((

He’ll do everything in his power, a whole dang lot of power in his hands, to keep seeing that smile of yours.

Frantic, he rushes over to you and kind of just,, pats your head as you sniffle and sob as you watch the screen.

He’s only ever had to deal with Tiara’s tantrums and guilt over having to scold Kou, okay??? What?? Is he gonna cradle you until you fall asleep?? Is he gonna ban you from seeing Hanako even if you can’t see him??? WHAT DOES HE D O—

Observational skills on point as always, he sees a someone on your screen, and heart wrenching words if he only knew the context behind it.

“...Why are you crying, (Y/N)?”

“HE ALMOST DIED TERU I COULD HAVE GOTTEN THE BAD ENDING AND I—“

Teru just. small smile and eyes shut, if you get my drift.

He’s lowkey confused for about a few seconds until he connects the dots with his,

b i g b r a i n ✨

You were only reading a visual novel. You just told him that you almost had a bad ending. That guy on your screen said those words. You were crying because of a fictional character??

Huh. Maybe he should pick up one of these novels and read them with you,,, if he had the time to squeeze it in his schedule— oh who am i kidding, he’ll squeeze in time to be with you no matter what.

“Should I contact the developer...?”

“tERU NO—“

-> TSUKASA

Damn rat might kill anyone who makes you cry smh smh.

I mean... business, am I right???

OKAY I’LL STOP—

You’re one of the ✨ School Mysteries ✨

How did you die? Well, let’s just say there was a truck, a phone and an unfortunate incident that’s been talked about through hushed whispers and murmurs.

Speaking of phone, dang thing’s still stuck on your hand for like,,, ages. Not that you care very much. At least the afterlife gave you some entertainment :’)))

You’re with Tsukasa for whatever reason— Once he showed up inside of your Boundary, he just clinged to you ever since. He’s cute, you admit, if you look past the terror he’s done to spirits.

Tsukasa has never granted your wish. You didn’t have one, really, but you still didn’t understand why the pesky ghost didn’t ask terrorized for one. Despite that being his job. And why he’s here. But like— whatever lol.

What he DOES do is ask you to never leave his side. What you didn’t know was that Tsukasa never granted or asked for your wish because he didn’t want you to leave him once it’s done ala horrific.

i—i forgot my point here bUT ANYWAY MOVING ON DJDBDB WHEW LONG INTRO

You’re in your Boundary, the endless hallway, and chlllin while scrolling through your phone for fanfiction to read while you’re dead. The usual. Yep, this is pretty much why you died but lmao you’re just,,, doing it again.

gentle reminder for anyone reading to not use your phone while walking across streets >:000 i care about your safety guys !!

Now where was I? oH yes.

You find a particular fic about your favorite pairing from when you were alive. It still is. Fluff, they said, it’s only fluff... It was not fluff. IT WAS A REALLY FLUFFY ONE UNTIL IT WAS NOT :(((

Tsukasa, who left for personal business, returned to see you bawling and rolling down on the ground and clutching your phone tightly.

“(Y/N)??? Is that a new exercise you’re doing???”

“nO >:((((“

He sits down cross-legged next to you, curious eyes landing on your body still rolling around because of that OnE LiNe. Most likely pokes you until you stop and pay attention to him.

You pout, ‘So cute <33’ He ponders upon before smiling far too widely at you like dude why you gotta smile like that it’s creeping me out.

Hesitantly, you showed him the screen, hoping he’d understand how much distress you have at this moment.

He did not.

“AHA! (Y/N)’S CRYING BECAUSE OF A SAD STORY!” He says with the widest fuc ki n grin.

You take back the phone, blushing immensely out of embarrassment for showing him the pic and him l a u g h i n g at you.

Eventually, Tsukasa stops. He softly tells commands you to look at him. Very very carefully, you take a quick look.

Then he pinches both your cheeks as hard as he can, slight blush on his face.

“Don’t worry, (Y/N)! I’ll make sure no one else makes you cry like this.”

-> AKANE AOI

Oh boy.

Looking at the clock on the wall, then over to the piles of notes laying about on the table, you wonder where the fuck your boyfriend could be.

It was quiet, too quiet for your own liking. Everyone else had gone back to their homes or went out with friends.

And you??? You’re here.

Waiting for Akane since the beginning of time.

omg time pun

Inside the library.

IT’S REVISION DAY DAMN IT— PLUS YOU HAD A TEST TOMORROW AND AKANE JUST SAID HE’D TUTOR YOU ABOUT IT HDBDHE

You look down on the notes you made, words barely of any interest for you, and put it down on the table. “A little quick peek.” You say as your hand shuffles for your phone in your bag.

When you DID find it, you frowned. No new texts from Akane. Awfully strange, since he’d text you 23/7 prayer circle punishment break

Then you see a notification pop up... then you find out your oh-so-loved fic has finally updated after a week of waiting. Patience running thin, you decide to read the ol’ thing.

Bad idea.

You couldn’t stop reading after a long long while. The words simple captivated your mind as of a puppeteer controlling one’s puppet. Besides, Akane was bending the rules, so why can’t you???

Speaking of time boy,

AKANE WAS HURRYINGLY DASHING TOWARDS THE LIBRARY IN S P E E D.

Teru had pushed off all his paperwork on him because he felt an eerie feeling about an apparition hanging nearby.

“The least you could do, Aoi.” He says, flashing a bright smile and leaving Akane alone in the room. HE HATES THAT GUY >:(((

Everyone around him gave him weird looks, but were already used to his old Aoi shenanigans. So they all turned a blind eye.

SUDDENLY THE DOOR SLAMS OPEN :0 !!!!

AND HE ENTERS, PANTING, AND SEES YOU.

Initially, he’s glad to see you waiting for up for him. BUT THENNN HE SEES YOU SOBBING.

“(Y/N), did I really take that long???”

“N-No, I-I’m not—“

Your eyes are obviously puffing up from the amount of tears you shed after reading a 5000-word update.

Somehow, you couldn’t bring yourself to show the phone to him.

Akane’s real concerned, to the point where he’d gladly use his time-freezing skills just to check if no one was bullying you through your phone.

And after many MANY attempts to get your phone, he did it.

He stopped time. Just to see what’s on there.

Of course, he had to know what exactly made his love so sad and read the whole thing in like,, under a minute— boy’s got mad reading skills i tell you.

Finally! Time! Comes! Back! AND YOU STARE IN HORROR AS YOU SEE AKANE HOLDING AND READING WHAT’S ON YOUR PHONE

Your exact thoughts rn: s c r e e e e eEREE

Akane looks at you, a chuckle hiding behind his lips. The thoughts of you crying lingering in his mind now replaced themselves with how cute your flustered face is right now.

“Did you really cry because of this, (Y/N)?”

“Q-QUIT IT!”

Somehow, your boyfriend is such a damn tease when it came to you— tHERE ARE APPROPRIATE TIMES FOR THIS NOT NOW >:00

But still... he’s good too.

Akane wipes the tear about to escape from your eye, enjoying how your face blushed tenfold with a sly smile.

“I won’t let anyone else ever make you cry.”

-

NOTES: did you enjoy?? uh anyways— masterlist on the way :))

@astrxrism

[hellyeahbakubby]

“i’m not going anywhere” | bakugou k.

♔ - Katsuki provides comfort for a anxious/depressed reader.

pairing - ua!bakugou x reader

tags - mentions/hints at suicidal thoughts, anxious reader, light angst but eventually fluff, wholesome katsuki

a/n - I wrote this for a friend who is going through some stuff rn but I don’t usually/prefer not to write things relating to mental health issues simply because lots of these issues are personal because of my friends and family and that I am not an expert or professional

masterlist ▬

WARNING: the following content has light mentions of suicidal thoughts, if this is something that triggers you please do not read it. ALSO if you are feeling this way or anything ike this, reach out to those around you or go online and find helplines. Someone will listen and people do care. You are worthy and strong and you deserve to be happy <3

Once again I was shut in my room, angry, bitter thoughts piling up in my mind, becoming harder and harder to block out. The louder they became the more my head ached and the worse the sick, heavy feeling in my stomach became. It was so noisy in my head, so busy with vile, ugly thoughts, thoughts I wished I could banish into the pits of hell. They whispered and hissed, calling up the need to vomit, as if hurling up my intestines would get rid of them. The worst part of their existence being that I was the one who’d conjured them. They were my thoughts. No invading force had put them there. All it took was a tiny wish, an ache for everything to go away and the seedling was planted.

Well there is a way to make it all go away. No more worrying, no more suffering. It was a pesky, persistent thought that had no business floating around in my head. A way out that I refused to even consider as an option. It was a stupid ‘what if’ conjured up by cruel curiosity to imagine a reality where I chose the unthinkable. No more fear of failing and no more concoction of self-deprecation that mixed up my insides like a blender. No more hugs, no more adventures, no more listening to Kaminari’s terrible jokes and no more toothy smiles from Kiri. It was a stupid choice with a price I’d never pay and yet it continued to dance around as though it were even worthy of my time.

My thumb repeated the same motion as I flicked through the images on my screen, I barely even saw them, far too preoccupied with the stress threatening to crack me in two. Pressure building, my mind wandered from last week’s test to the daunting task of joining an agency in the future. The number of ways I could fail miserably closing in and outnumbering the hope and confidence I tried desperately to protect and maintain. I was so ordinary, pitied and helpless, the only opportunities available provided by luck soon to run out. No doubt my weakness would soon win the fight for my future, overcoming what few strengths I had. I was barely good at anything, coming up short time and time again when compared to my high achieving peers. It was almost as if I were destined to fail, everything building up the moment of climax where I would surely stumble and fall.

boom boom boy x you still up?

The message appeared on my screen and I relaxed a little. My head felt a little less like a rock melon and the violent storm in my stomach lessened. I breathed in slowly, steadying my trembling body. 

you yeah what's up?

boom boom boy x cant sleep can I come over?

you sure

boom boom boy x cool, be right there

Everything seemed to mellow out, reduced to a faint echo with the promise of Katsuki. Although he'd never outright say it he was surprisingly well aware of when I was feeling less than satisfactory, his ability to provide reassurance unchallenged. Whether it was a soft squeeze of a hand in passing or the gift of my favourite snack left at my room's door, he was unwavering in his compassion, something I’d come to realise was, although rarely seen by the rest of the world, given whenever I needed it more than I could voice. 

He’d sat with me as I shook and cried, kept his arms around me as my lungs grew erratic, whispered to me when my eyes blurred and my throat became dry. He’d become a rock of sorts, something I could latch onto to stop myself from falling into the rapids. He was a certainty and security, providing comfort and rationality, helping me step out of my despair into fresh air.

Having given up on the pleasantry of knocking a while ago, I was unsurprised when my door opened and Katsuki stepped into the room. I looked up at him and gave him a small smile. The dim light from my bedside lamp enhancing his strong angles and his pale hair, he gave a small nod in return.

I moved myself to face him more as he sat down on my bed beside me, his additional weight making the mattress dip. Unrolling the blanket he’d brought with him, he swung it around my shoulders, moving closer so he was wrapped in its embrace as well. Snuggling into the velvety texture of the fabric I let out a contented sigh. Wriggling around until he was comfortable, the blanket covering the two of us, Katsuki pulled out his phone opening a simple mobile game that revolved around some sort of pattern. Crossing my legs tighter, I let my knee rest atop his. 

There was never any necessity to speak when he was around, a silent, unspoken understanding of the aid he provided with presence alone. Feeling the heaviness of him beside me and the way he’d breath in roughly through his nose eased my nerves and helped my focus drift somewhere more pleasant. Going back to my aimless scrolling I found it much easier to ignore the thoughts plaguing me moments ago.

After some time of simply occupying the same space, I felt his hand move to mine, curling around the fist and opening it so he could hold it with firm security, an act of tenderness. Gently tossing aside my phone, I lent sideways, falling against his shoulder, my cheek pressed firmly against him. His strong frame was comforting and it sent a notion of safety through me. 

“Hey,” he said, gruff tone uncharacteristically soft. I shut my eyes, content to just hold his hand and sit there. His distinct smell surrounding me and his solid warmth heating me slowly, I relaxed into him.

“Thanks, Katsu,” I mumbled. He ran his thumb over the back on my hand in response.

“Whatever,” he grumbled, making me smile, “I ain’t going anywhere though, alright?”

“I know,” I assured him. Getting a grunt in response, I felt him shift a little beside me before he placed a kiss to the side of my head. He squeezed my hand as he did so and a whirlwind of butterflies flitted up through me, a pleasant change from the feeling that had been there before. He’d assured me time and time again that no matter that I thought or which anxieties had me in their grasp, he’d always be there to support me, his secure arms always ready to wrap around me and his hand outstretched whenever I needed it. And now as he sat with me, comforting and soothing, he did everything in his power to show me how valued I was.

“I love you so much,” he whispered.

[jiminrings]

yES vball coach jk pls about their first fight as a couple?? maybe??

mvp: first fight

pairing: jungkook x y/n

wordcount: 3k

glimpse: jungkook is more on the oblivious sLASH insensitive side, y/n’s outlet is hurling volleyballs against the wall, and yoongi just wants to cheer everyone up with his mascot suit :D

notes: another coach koo drabble because i am unhinged <3

read mvp, the piece that started off y/n and koo!! + in which jungkook is extra clingy

you’re rEALLY used to jungkook being affectionate and clingy

no surprise really

he’s practically attached to you by the hip atleast in four out of the seven days in the week

but there’s something

just sOmething different with the way he’s hugging you from behind right now

and the trail of kisses from your shoulder to your jaw is gentle and nOt playful

almost as if he’s done something wrong and he’s making up for it

aha

....... aha ........?

“did you accidentally drop one of my succulents more than a hundred feet down again?”

jungkook doesn’t even tense up at that and you take it as a signal that he didn’t

gOOD because you are running out of lil succulents and jimin’s running out of name ideas for the lil guys

your boyfriend only huffs and frowns because for the last time he did not sabotage mr. prick !!! he was in the balcony holding him out in the sun when a giAnt dove suddenly flew to him and that’s when he panicked

“did you eat jimin’s special pasta and you’re now asking me for immunity?”

“no but thank you for letting me know”

ok that’s it

you break free from his back hug and face jungkook with an inquiring look and he shrinks at the thought of what he’s gonna say next

“then tell me what’s going on, koo.”

“it’s- uhm,” jungkook turns you around again and rests his chin on your shoulder because he’d rather not see your reaction

he knows you’re probably gonna give him the most pleading puppy dog eyes and maybe he’d cave right then and there with nO questions asked

“you know our date by the end of this week?”

“yeah!! oh my god i’m sO excited-“ you immediately gush because actually things have been so busy for the both of you and this is the perfect chance for relieving stress bUt-

“oh.”

“have to drive upstate for this workshop for coaches, baby. it’s something new for us before the season starts and uH well it’s gonna last for three days.,.,.”

three days

that’s cool :D

the season is about to start and so the pressure is on if your team could make this a back-to-back win :D

of course practice is hArd as it should be just so everyone’s on their toes as skilled and as in shape one could be

the heat is SIZZLING in this kitchen

there’s no time for slacking around

frankly, date night fell onto one of the only days that there’s gonna be a break in your team’s schedule :)))

not that it mATTERS or anything like that

you’re also pressured because your comeback after ur iconic injury that was televised made you even mOre highly-anticipated

you’re gonna bREAK one of these days ur very sure of it

“it’s okay, jungkook. it’s out of my reach anyways :))”

uGh what did he do to deserve such a precious understanding thing like you are

you’ve guess you gotten a tad bit better in your acting skills then because your boyfriend doesn’t suspect a single tHing

all ur monitoring and taehyung forcing you to watch and critique him as he practices for his auditions is paying off!!

“tae i think we both know that i’m nOt qualified to give you acting pointers!!”

“which is eXACTLY my point!! that’s why i called up my most clueless and unwilling friend ever!!! because if it’s good enough for a no-brained then it would be the bEST for people with-...”

“ok that was rude :((“

he kissed your cheek as an apology and promised to dine out with you for honey-glazed chicken and sUddenly you’re not plotting to hit tae with a volleyball to the head “accidentally” during practice tomorrow <3

but unlike taehyung, jungkook can’t fix it up with a single kiss to the cheek

you can’t help but feel upset ok it’s in your nature!!

your momentum’s deflated and the little itty bitty hope that you and jungkook can be there for each other is now cRUSHED

“i’ll miss you.”

jungkook’s heart whooshes at the feeling of you hugging him just sO dearly that he’s very tempted to just ditch this

him hugging you back with the same intesity doesn’t make it better because rn you’re mumbling to his chest

“i’ll miss you mORE :((“

ok even jimin’s gonna miss kook

his heart also goes out for you because he knows you’re beyond stressed with your comeback and all that

jimin saw you eating cereal one morning when kook wasn’t by your side because he was over at his oWN apartment

can u believe it,,, jungkook having his own apartment yet mOST of the time he stays over and even eats jimin’s stock of cold marshmallows by the fridge <3

anyways u were eating cereal and then suddenly jimin was practically alerted awake when you mumbled out of nowhere

“do you think i could serve a float as good as this cereal does?”

that was clearly a red flag that you ventured too far out into your spiral of worry because fIRST of all

yeah you do love volleyball of course!!!

but often it’s nice that not every second you spend revolves around it y’know

if your practice is done and your games are over that’s it nO more talking about volleyball pls

you could manage with the occasional praising for each other’s play over meals and rides and all that

but you don’t want anything more because it’s just can we please talk about things other than volleyball PLEASE

at the start you thought it would be difficult because well :D you are living with your best friend that happens to be your assistant coach :D

but surprisingly it was easy!! jimin shared those exact same thoughts and your flow of conversation (that doesn’t include your athleticism nor profession) is endless at this point

even became easier because now your boyfriend is the coach and he’s practically living with you

that startled jimin because you hATE talking about volleyball so early in the morning and especially over breakfast

but here you were...

talking about your damn floats just from looking in too much at your cereal

“hey, it’s okay!! we’ll get you through these three days just fine!!”

jimin hugs you as soon as jungkook takes off because he can’t have you dwelling and moping now can he

you’re just mumbling in defenseless against his chest because you obviOusly can’t do anything about it

you were tempted to pluck out his wallet just so he’d get back for it but jimin was looking at you from across the room

you were at the planning stage and jimin’s aLREADY at the scolding stage

three days!!! just three ridiculously-pressured, nerve-wracking, mind-boggling days!!

how hard could it be??

aha

spoiler alert: it is immensely hard :D

you’re so nervous and jittery to the point yoongi was concerned with how much coffee you drank and that’s coming from hIM

then you told him you drank none and you swear he ceased functioning after that

jimin had to drag you out every twenty minutes because either you were being too gentle or being too harsh that he winces himself when you spike tOO hard

and that could only mean one thing

you’re on spiral number two

which means you are nOw inseparable from volleyball

by day two you were no longer moping about jungkook’s absence and his inherent ability to calm you down

no you are even bArely thinking about him :D

you now breathe speak exhale volleyball

y/n’s monster rage play kept appearing even when you’re just against the players in your own team and now they r getting cranky little by little

they serve and then you sLAM

jimin had to call out a break for you forcibly and even used his official I’m The Coach Don’t Complain voice on you that you hate :((

“now you’re getting TOO much into playing!!”

“i don’t get what you mean, minnie!! i’m perfectly fine!! hey, wanna split the shipping fee? i added these new sports bras and shorts to my cart, you should totally add what you want to my cart so tHAT way i won’t have to pay so much and-...”

okay time-out that’s cLEARLY a time-out for you

you’re now way too much into your thoughts and that calls for a group hug

you just need a distraction, that’s all!!

jimin had to drag you over so that the both of you could go a few floors down to yoongi and tae’s apartment for move night

and there’s them giving you the reigns because well you just wanted to feel like you have control aNd that you’re not completely losing it aha

taehyung gives the best sitting cuddles as he’s at the far-end of the couch and he’s perfectly drooped for you to feel secure

jungkook nORMALLY would be annoyed when tae gets a little too cuddly but aight it’s cool no worries!! he’s just... standing in for a pillow

speaking of jungkook

well to be honest he’s doing good!! yes he does miss you but not to the degree that yOU do because well he’s just oblivious like that

there were some drills that the coaches were the ones that needed to be the players and well :D let’s just say he killed that part tOO good

for the first time after a long time, jungkook took down notes

n o t e s

wow he’s going so far he really is a coach

he also got to reconnect with some of his friend and not to brag but maybe he IS the blueprint for being the player to the coach lol

there was a no-phones rule and he could only call you on his lunch breaks and when he’s about to sleep or when the bathrooms are all empty

“can’t wait to see you tomorrow, koo :((“

“why did you miss mE?? :D”

he’s still as insufferable as ever even when he’s in a different state and you’d have to keep your chuckles down or else jimin’s gonna confiscate your phone

there’s some raining in jungkook’s background and you wonder why it was sO heavy

aha actually kook had to go outside because signal wasn’t exactly the best inside hence the louder patter

not to be that cheesy but talking to him just relieves you of your stress and it makes you pout because okay you’ll see him tOmorrow!!

“more than you know.”

ok

cool

there’s uh

there’s a tiny hitch

well jungkook was supposed to come tonight and well he ISN’T here

you’ve tried calling him and even got yoongi help you out by texting him and jungkook doesn’t even dare to try and ignore his hyung’s texts

now you’re in panic because wHY exactly didn’t he come home??

and there’s all these worst-case scenarios running through your head but that’s when he sends you a text late in the morning that woke you up

“sorry!! the organizers needed me to stay late. i’ll see you tomorrow :))”

that wasn’t exactly right

and uH jungkook wasn’t exactly telling the truth

it’s just a minor white lie he needed to say for you to not worry!!!

uhm so

well it was raining cats and dogs right??

IT WAS FLOODING

and jungkook didn’t want to risk cooky (that’s what he named his car do nOT question him) breaking down with all the water and the pressure so he’s uh

he’s not coming home tonight

lisa noticed his struggle right when they walked out of the complex and she offered generously

“jungkook!! do you wanna sleep over at my place tonight? i live pretty near anyway. i’ll drive you over to your car in the morning!!”

wow

she’s so kind and considerate!!! :D great idea lisa thank u very much

they even had ramen together and watched some netflix, kook just slept in the guest room, woke up, and the next day lisa drove him to his car and that’s it!!

he’s back to you easy-peasy and you gave him the tightest hug ever

that’s where the problem lies though

because jungkook didn’t tell you and you don’t know the truth either

which is why yoongi is in your apartment and has been looking at you for the past five minutes while he’s unmoved on your couch

jungkook was over to their apartment to help taehyung with his PC build and yoongi is here aPPARENTLY to just have some snacks with you

that doesn’t seem to be the case because he’s lost in his thought and is fidgeting and??? he doesn’t normally fidget when you’re making him a grilled cheese sandwich lol

“why did jungkook come home a day later than he was supposed to?”

what now

the workshop was long done by a week now and you’re lost at wHy yoongi is asking this now

“oh! he said the organizers needed him to stay later. you know how jungkook’s a bit famous with them, yoongs”

yoongi flatlines at that because uh

that’s w eird

oh god how is he gonna tell you this

yoongi just pulls out his phone with an all-telling screenshot and he’s preparing himself to deal with whatever reaction you give him

it’s a story, actually

harmless if you think about it

and the username and whom it belongs to is sO familiar

not to mention the more than familiar tattooed hand holding the chopsticks to sink into their bowl of ramen

oh

.... oh

“yoongi?”

that is too soft for your tone

something so chilling that yoongi is hesitant to even answer you

“can you bring in jungkook for me?”

oh my gOd you don’t know how to feel

you’re trying to contain yourself because maybe you’ve just misunderstood the situation

althought it’s too fucking hard for your sake, because as far as you remember, jungkook’s ex-girlfriend ISN’T the organizer for this workshop

was it even a workshop in the first place

jungkook wouldn’t cheat on you!!!

... would he??

you’re practically trembling when you ask yoongi to send you the picture and he attempts to hug you and cradle for a bit but you just stay sTILL

“i didn’t tell you because i didn’t want you to worry about me”

now jungkook is a bit confused when yoongi told him to go back to the apartment, no questions asked

and you’re looking kind of rattled which is why he’s starting to get worried

“jungkook, i’m gonna worry of you regardless!! i can’t stop floods and it’s unavoidable but wHY didn’t you tell me?”

“tell you what?”

god you’re gonna pull your hair out

he’s still playing coy of how he didn’t sleep over at lisa’s and it’s irking you right underneath your skin

“that you slept over at your ex-girlfriend’s house and didn’t even tell me!!”

okay now that’s when jungkook ticks

he doesn’t see the problem with it

“what’s wrong with that?? it was flooding and i knew no one else!! a state of emergency, don’t you think?”

“nO jungkook i get that! but what i can’t get is why you needed to lie to me!! you could’ve told the truth and i would’ve understood better!”

ugh this is just sO pointless

he doesn’t really wanna argue with you right now over something that shouldn’t be argued about in the first place

“you’re overreacting, stop it.”

“oh yeah?? it’s okay with you if i go to a workshop by myself, and sleep over at my ex-boyfriend’s place, and not tell you???”

you’re trying your best to not cry then and there because you so badly want to stand by your point against jungkook

“of course,” he’s even more stubborn than you are and he only kisses his teeth as you ask him

“because unlike you, i’m not controlling!”

oh

oh god

that’s when the line is drawn and you just can’t take it anymore

he’s so fired up that he huffs and walks out of the apartment while slamming the door harshly

...

....

things aren’t really going well

practice is still on even if jimin offered that you take a sick leave after hearing about what happened

you’re not gonna chicken out from practice just because jungkook’s gonna be there

plus it’s not like you haven’t ignored him before at practice

meanwhile jungkook is dYing on the inside because oh god he really screwed up big-time

his apartment is too spacious and too quiet and that just meant him regretting extra

this situation felt all too familiar

jungkook hates himself because he feels like he’s done nothing but to to just give you hurt :(((

it’s him going to the gym much earlier than usual and waiting by the door

it’s him trying to get your attention and you being set on tolerating none of it

he already did that last time

but tHIS time it’s with him as your boyfriend and maybe it hurts a little bit more

he hasn’t slept properly for god knows how long

(( actually it’s been just two days ))

you don’t try to contact him nor even think about him because as per his words, you’re controlling!!!

yoongi tries to assure you as much as you can that you aren’t

he’s the only one that could get to you because well he’s the one that took this up to you

and you avoid getting jimin into this because you feel like he’s tired with all this back and forth of trying to pick you up

oh god you aren’t a burden, right??

right???

pls say right

yoongi is admittedly not the best when it comes to comforting people but he is there and that’s what matters

even brought out the mascot suit to bring out a giggle or two

and he likes you better when you’re happy so he goes ham on trying to do those cartwheels he’s mastered

anything to put a smile on your face

he was about to do the backflip he did when you showcased your rage play and you had to physically stop him because nO i will not risk you getting a concussion just trying to make me happy

you can’t avoid each other for this long

sooner or later you need to talk about what happened and from then on could you do something about it

atleast jimin knows this much

and as hesitant as he is to let jungkook in again, he knows that this is for the better and that you’re both miserable (the other is much much worse and it isn’t you)

which is why jimin let the door open wordlessly before going on the lift to stay over at tae’s and yoongi’s for a few hours

or whenever you need him to come back

because jungkook’s right in front of you and you can’t even look at him in the eye

gOd there’s only so much you can do

“i’m sorry.”

that’s what makes it even worse though

because you’re the one who apologized first and fuck that just makes jungkook wince

he’s whimpering the moment he hears you and he’d be sobbing if only he didn’t desperately want to talk to you

“why are you apologizing when you’re not even the one at fault?”

it’s the added blow because fuck you are tOO good for him and he doesn’t deserve you :(((

“you’re not controlling. i was just being an insensitive boyfriend and a shitty one at that”

jungkook’s knees buckle and he’s kneeling right in front of you and it immediately gets you trying to lift him back up

the sight itself also makes you tear up a bit because you just wanna talk!! you don’t want him kneeling as if you’re a saint and all that :((

“i’ll — we’ll work through this, right?? i can — i can still m-make it up to you, right?”

jungkook’s looking up at you with the biggest and most pleading eyes you’ve ever seen and perhaps he was even scAred to ask the question,,, in fear that he’s only just convincing himself that he could

that makes his lip tremble again because the alternate outcome of your first fight absolutely ending your relationship is enOugh to shatter him to pieces

he’s about to bow his head again but this time you put your hands on his cheeks, making you look up at him as he tries to compose himself

“we’ll work it out.”

[one-abuse-survivor]

before i start, thank you so much for doing what you do;this blog has given me good advice countless times and i really have to thank you for that.

my issues with my parents are that they don't take me seriously. i can literally go up to them and say: "mom/dad, i think i might be autistic or have ADHD (both would be quite likely) can i get that checked out" and list a bunch of examples why i think that and they'll just be "nah, that can't be, you don't seem like that at all" as of i didn't break my mind over it researching it and talking to people who have it to see if we've had similar experiences just to get some kind of reference as to why i feel the way i feel and why i struggle so much with things that so many other people find so easy.

but then, in the following weeks and months (after talking w them) they just randomly point out things about me that kinda annoy them, like me talking out of turn a LOT or me not looking at people or me having trouble focusing if there isn't also music and a movie going at the same time or mom saying that i seem hyperactive to her because i'm always moving my legs or pacing around or rubbing my hands or drumming on the table with pens. things like that (plus a lot more) were the exact things i was telling them about and they just put it off like it's nothing but as soon as it affects and annoys them it's suddenly very real. at this point i'm struggling to talk to my parents about anything even remotely more serious than generic smalltalk and i'm having a hard time believing myself that my struggles are in fact real and i'm not just making them up.

and also on a less related note; the thing i hate most about my parents: if i'm wearing headphones and couldn't understand what a parent was yelling from somewhere else in the house then it's my fault. but if it's the exact same situation but i'm the one calling and they couldn't hear me, then it's obviously my fault too (i kinda get the first one but srsly how could i not wear headphones when they're constantly arguing with my brother in the room next to mine) (either way if one of the scenarios is clearly my fault, then the other shld be clearly their fault bc that's how logic works)

hhhh, this got quite long. i would love to hear your thoughts about this

a continuation from the other ask about my parents not taking me seriously even when i ask them for help with my hardest problems. that ask didn't really go in the direction i had planned but there is so much going on between my parents and me that i really need to talk to someone about

background: i'm around 15-16 rn and have a brother who's 18. primary school was academically very easy for me (lots and lots of great and even perfect grades) but my brother didn't have it as easy (lots and lots of mediocre and meh grades) so my parents really just kinda let me do my thing while they were constantly busy with my brother. so i got really independant and did all of my stuff on my own bc a) i always had done it that way and b) my parents were already busy and stressed. but after my brother got his first computer and got into video games his grades dropped and my parents started constantly arguing with him and taking away his computer and stuff like that so there was always a lot of tension (and i got to a point where i can't handle people yelling; that's what i was referring to with the headphone thingy at the end of the last ask) i don't know if i can go that far and say that my parents kinda neglected me and my emotional needs in favour of saving my brother grades but that's pretty much the way it feels.

i'm now a sophomore (school works a bit different here but i'm the equivalent of a highschool sophomore afaik, here it's just 10th grade) and starting from about mid 8th grade (end of 2018) i've been struggling a lot with self care and upkeep of my already minimal social circle and academic stuff (i'm at the academically highest level of school you could be at my age without skipping any years) and also mental health.

i got quite depressive and started isolating myself and casting away friends and my grades went down a lot, which really disappointed me because my great grades were kind of my trademark thing. but i didn't feel safe talking to my parents because of the huge distance that we built by me "never" needing their help with stuff.

in that time (almost a year ago, our anniversary is in twenty days or so) i got a girlfriend and i'm hella glad that i can talk to her about everything but i feel like i can't just go dump trauma and parent issues on her forever

about last november or so i was at a pretty low point and was suicidal and that's kind of when i snapped and went to my parents to talk so being cast away and having my issues invalidated really really hurt then and made me spiral even deeper and my gf was the only thing keeping me afloat.

i'm kind of a bit better now but i have rebuilt my view of my parents from "idk we never really interact" to "trying to interact or talk is not worth the energy" and needless to say i don't like them that much

oh and i forgot about all the times i got panic attacks and sensory overloads @ school because there are so many people there (1700 students + 200 teachers) and it's loud everywhere and of course asking my parents for what to do if suddenly everything is too bright and too loud and you can't move or talk because of it didn't get me anywhere (and since i didn't know what it was called or how to describe it properly, i didn't really find any Information online either

and just typing this makes me think of so many more things that they did that aren't okay things to do (a lot of gender identity stuff for example because i'm also neck-deep in that) . but writing this has also helped a lot right now. thank you for being there and listening.

and just in case i'm ever gonna pop back in to say something i'm gonna drop a name for easier identifying

sincerely - 🌌 milky way anon

Hi, nonnie! Thanks for the kind words, I'm really glad my blog has been of help ❤️

I'm sorry your parents are making it hard to believe your struggles are real :( you deserve to be taken seriously and to get access to all the help you might need. Just the fact your symptoms are there and you're noticing them and they're interfering with your daily life is enough to get them checked, regardless of if you need a diagnosis/meds/anything else. No one deserves to live wondering if their struggles are worth discussing with a doctor or professional.

And you're right: if one of those things was your fault, then the other should be theirs, logically. But I don't even think it's "your fault" you didn't hear them because you were wearing headphones, to be honest. I think it's just something that happens from time to time and that doesn't warrant getting mad over; I think it's the kind of thing that simply needs to be talked about so everyone in the household knows how to communicate with everyone else without getting frustrated. It's as easy as saying "hey, whenever I put on headphones I'll just text the family group chat to let you guys know I won't hear you. If you need anything in those moments, just text me instead". I do this with my girlfriend sometimes—if we're wearing headphones and we're in the same room, we simply pat each other when we need something and wait until the other takes off their headphones to talk. It really doesn't have to be an issue where anyone is to blame. You're allowed to take steps to feel safe and comfortable in your house without getting punished for it.

But, of course, this doesn't work if the people around you choose to prioritise "being right" and proving you're wrong over a peaceful and healthy cohabitation, which is what most toxic and abusive people do.

As for your second ask, I would say if it feels like your parents neglected you and your needs because they were always focusing on your brother, then it's okay to say that they did. The fact alone that those feelings are there makes you deserving of talking about it and wanting to heal from it; the cause of those feelings doesn't have to be something major, or sound deeply traumatising when you say it out loud, in order to "count". And people whose emotional needs were consistently met don't feel like they weren't.

I've already shared this video before, but if you want some resources on identifying and healing from emotional neglect, I really recommend watching it. Please bear in mind, though, that the video says it's important to not blame parents for emotionally neglecting you, but I don't think that's the message a lot of people need to hear and I think you should allow yourself to feel angry at your parents for not meeting your needs and causing you trauma. That's pretty much the only thing I'd criticise about the video.

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with your grades and mental health lately, nonnie. I had a quite similar experience when I was in high school—I used to always get great grades, but my mental health and trauma put a lot of strain on them (as well as on my social life; I lost a lot of friends in those years) and it was really distressing to see the only thing that made me "worthy" crumble between my fingers like that. I'm still trying to unlearn this idea that your grades define your worth, and it's been really hard.

I'm so sorry your parents weren't there for you when you hit that low 😔 I'm glad your girlfriend could help you stay afloat in that moment, but they absolutely should've been there for you all those times you reached out to them for help with your struggles, and the fact that they didn't is emotionally neglectful of them.

I'm glad you're in a better place now ❤️ I really hope you can find out all the information you need on gender identity and sensory overload and any other issues that might be affecting you. Know that you deserve for your parents to be there for you. You shouldn't have to face any of this on your own, or even with only the support of other people your age. You deserve for them to care. You deserve to have your symptoms checked out. You deserve adult guidance to find resources to help you better understand and manage your struggles.

Sending all my virtual support your way ❤️ and happy belated anniversary to you and your girlfriend!

[mccnyoongi]

buttercup ⇢ pt one

⇢ pairing: yoongi x fem!reader

⇢ genre: smut + slight angst

⇢ au: college!au, fwb!au, stoner!yoongi, assholeish!yoongi, fuckboyish!yoongi fwb to lovers trope

⇢ word count: 6k+

⇢ warnings: smut, honestly mostly porn, unprotected sex, recreational use of drugs & alcohol, dirty talk, praise, degradation, ridiculously excessive use of pet names, fingering, dom!Yoongi, unprotected sex, slight dumbification (whoops), hair pulling, creampie??, oral (f receiving), pussy slaping, reader has a thing for Yoongi’s hands because who doesn’t, reader and yoongi are both sarcastic and oblivious, this part is basically pwp.

⇢ synopsis: Min Yoongi wears leather jackets, fucks you like he hates you, spends most of his days on the wrong side of a blunt, and calls you the sweetest names when no one else is around. And you definitely aren’t falling in love with him.

⇢ author’s note: so yes, buttercup is being cut up into two parts thanks to a lot of my life getting uprooted this week!!! ill spare you the details but everything is really chaotic rn so im sorry this isnt exactly what i promised :( thank u for all the insane amont of love ive gotten so far. this is a pretty um... filthy piece of writing skfjsd and it’s definitely not perfect and id love to get better with everything i put out on here but i hope u guys enoy ily xx

If there was a magic lantern hidden somewhere on the campus of this university, you’d find it and your first wish would be to make it so that no one found out about this whole illicit affair you’ve been having with Min Yoongi. The secrecy was fun, sexy like you guys had a whole Mr. and Mrs. Smith thing going on. Or something. Your second wish would be to make his dick vibrate. 

But then he just had to go and go down on you in a bathroom during a party at the Beta Tau Rho house, not even a month into the fall semester, knowing you wouldn’t be able to be quiet or subtle at all. And he was so smug about it too, the fucker.

You can still feel the embarrassment buzzing under the surface of your cheeks from when you walked out that bathroom door and a dozen frat boys and mutual friends of yours and Yoongi’s were out there, waiting for the two of you to emerge and giving you a round of applause when you did. Yoongi had just laughed and rolled his eyes before leading you to the kitchen to get the pair of you some drinks. He’s always been particularly good at brushing that shit off of his shoulder. You aren’t, but you’re pretty good at pretending.

Maybe you should have ended it all that night. Of course, you didn’t. You figured, hey,  you’re young and in school so fuck making good decisions. Of course, the fact that no other guy has ever been able to dick you down nearly as well as Min Yoongi can is probably a huge contributing factor. 

Sure he might be grumpy, and sarcastic, and he tries way too hard to look cool and nonchalant, but he’s also the first guy to ever make you squirt. And you’re pretty sure that the way he waxes poetic about your pussy would make even Shakespeare swoon. So maybe the pros outweigh the cons, but only just.

“I can’t believe you’ve been getting Yoongi dick for almost three full months and haven’t divulged every single detail and vein to me, you cold, uncaring bitch-” Jimin’s voice is far too loud for the student-run coffee shop the two of you regulared every Sunday; a tradition that Jimin always insisted upon. He loves his traditions almost as much as he loves destroying any personal boundaries between the two of you.

“Keep going Park, see if I ever buy your coffee again.”

“Don’t change the subject,” You can’t say you’re surprised that Jimin is reacting like this. Self-proclaimed ‘disaster bisexual,’ Jimin was one of the very first friends you made back when you were a shy, barely functioning freshman. 

He actually introduced you to all his frat brothers, and a large number of the people you now call your friends. Including Yoongi, whose dick seems to be a reoccurring topic between you and… most people you know. Even if they weren’t at that dumb party, Jungkook made sure that every living being that stepped onto campus was aware of the newly found out fuckbuddies.

“We don’t keep anything from each other, Y/N,” He’s whining over his coffee now, full lips perched in that pretty pout that he regularly uses to his advantage. “I even told you about that time I puked on Namjoon’s dick in our second year!”

“Mmm, and I wish you hadn’t told me, Minnie-” The visual still haunts you, but Jimin has never had any predilections when it came to oversharing, especially not with people who have the misfortune of being his best friends. “‘Sides, I didn’t figure it was important, the whole Yoongi thing-”

“His dick, you mean.”

“Because it’s not like we’re getting married,” You carefully ignore him, a useful habit you’ve picked up three years into being his friend. “Just sex, remember?”

“So fucking what? You told me how you sucked Jeon’s cock in a movie theatre less than twelve hours after it happened-” You take a large gulp of your own iced coffee to busy yourself when the shameful memory is brought up. Not shameful because of the promiscuity of the act, no you’re an adult, thank you very much, but rather because of the boy you performed them on. Jeon Jungkook is now more of an annoying younger brother to you than anything. Not to mention he’s got a giant mouth that couldn’t keep a secret even if it killed him.

“Jesus you could’ve picked any other example-” You groan out as Jimin smirked, receiving the exact reaction from you he wanted. You think you’d have learned by now. “I’m sorry, okay? You big baby.”

“Hey, you’re on thin ice,” He points an accusatory finger at you and you have to fight the urge to smack it out of your face. “Now you have to make it up to me.”

You sigh- Jimin can really be exhausting when you’re only half a medium coffee in. “And how do you expect me to do that, Park.”

“Dick details, fucking obviously,” He says it like you’re a moron for even asking. And maybe you are. “Well details in general, I guess. You know, the basics; length, girth, does he make you call him daddy, is he good- I mean he must be un-fucking-real if you’ve been bouncing on it for three goddamn months, you whore.”

“I’m not giving you measurements, Jimin, I’ve yet to take a tape measure to it- and stop assuming everyone has a daddy kink just ‘cause you do.”

“Okay, vanilla bitch. You’re lucky I already know he’s got a monster cock from that time he streaked at that post-mid-term party next year.”

“Then why’d you even ask?”

“To see if you’d tell me the truth. It was a test and you failed.”

“I may be a college student but you’re gonna have to threaten me with a little more than a failing grade to spook me,” You roll your eyes playfully- there’s no real threat in his words, there never is.

“You’re right, I’m sure you’d much rather be punished by Yoongi, huh?”

                    ..............................................................................

Watching Yoongi roll a joint, his long, slender and experienced fingers moving quickly and deftly, has always had this near hypnotizing-like effect on you. His apartment smells like weed, the scent never surprising and would almost be overwhelming if you weren’t so used to it by now. The sight alone is almost enough to make you wet. But you’re stronger than that- except for when you’re not. 

Sexy hands aside, but unfortunately not on you, you’re thankful for his cannabis-related expertise because a) you can’t roll one yourself to save your life and b) despite normally reserving your consumption habits for parties, you feel like you deserve a fat one after the week you’ve had. What with, you know, the stress of having every student on campus knowing about yours and Yoongi’s torrid affair, thanks to fucking Jeon Jungkook. Brat. Plus incessant goading from both Jimin and your roommate, Irene- equally angry as Jimin about your worst kept secret- has only made you sink further into your insecure and paranoid thoughts.

The weed would help, you’d told yourself when your phone pinged with that much anticipated what’re u up 2? late night text from the raven-haired devil himself. Yep, it was the weed, the comforting blanket of getting high. And had nothing to do with the boy that was offering them. Not even his fat cock or magnetic pull he seemed to have on you. 

“Alright, dove,” He says from his spot on his worn-out single-dorm couch- the names don’t tend to surprise you the way they used to. You kinda figured that the affection-starved Yoongi had just you know… gotten comfortable with the girl he had been fucking for the last couple of months. No big deal. Sure they made your heart swell and your panties dampen, but then it could be looked at as a positive. 

He looks up at you from his spot on the couch, where he’s uncomfortably hunched over the table as he works and notices how you’re looking rather spaced out- not entirely rare for you. He’s used to the hundred-mile stare you tend to adopt when deep in thought, though it’s considerably less common for a sober you.

“Dove?” Nothing. “Y/N?” It’s the use of your actual name from his lips that finally grabs your attention.  You finally turn your head to look at him, the glaze of deep thought finally leaving your eyes. An eyebrow quirks to let him know you’ve heard him, but his gaze remains piercing and unwavering on yours. “You need to stop worrying so much, dove.”

“That’s what the weed is for, Yoongs.”

“The weed? You’re just here so I can smoke you out then, huh? No ulterior motives, hm?” His tone is as dry and sarcastic as ever, qualities he had quickly become known for around campus. He shurgs “Fine. Just here to sesh. C’mere then.”

You scoot closer to his side of the couch, not even thinking twice before listening to him. His tongue is tantalizing as he licks the rolling paper, even if he doesn’t mean it to be. He’s almost always tantalizing to you.

“Don’t be grumpy. You invited me over,” Your words are softer than you meant, but your proximity to him makes you feel stilted. He was right, you really needed a smoke, more on edge than ever.

“Well, technically,” He starts, unlit, perfectly rolled joint now perched between his lips. He grabs at your legs before continued so that you were resting sideways on the black couch, legs strewn over legs, thighs touching thighs. “I invited the best pussy on campus over.” You crinkle your nose at his bluntness.

“Yoongi-” You scold indignantly and pinch at a well-toned bicep. “Don’t be an asshole, you asshole.” He grins despite the insult like he’d expected it. Or he’s revelling in it.

“You know I’m just fucking around, angel,” His arm tucks around your waist comfortably, pulling you even closer. “Tryna chill you out. I can tell when you’re all strung out. I know how you,” He pokes you in the middle of the forehead, still grinning, as you pout from being called strung out. “Tick.” 

He really does, doesn't he? The thought is mildly terrifying, and you think that Yoongi might be too smart or his own good sometimes. When he’s not smoking himself into another dimension, that is.

He leans back into his seat, uncurling from around you to finally light up. A few sparks later and the room is fogging up with overly pungent smoke- the cheap smell makes you think that he probably bought it off of Hobi, too lazy to go any further off-campus than his own block of apartments to one of the nice but relatively affordable dispensaries. You crinkle your nose at the scent, grateful he’s too distracted to notice since he’d probably just tease you for liking the fancy shit more. At least you trust Hobi, and he lives only two buildings down from Yoongi. Truly an age of convenience.

A few passes, tokes, whatevers later, and you’re feeling substantially... floaty. You’ve completely relaxed, choosing to lie down rather than put the effort into sitting up, though your legs are still thrown across your equally high counterpart’s. What’s left of the roach is left to burn in one of many strategically placed ashtrays around the apartment, this one being on the living room table.

Yoongi has barely moved in the past while, head resting lazily on the back of the couch, black hair messy and his neck- which is somehow handsome to you- stretched out, and hands resting against your bare knees. You’ve barely paid him any mind, the silence nothing but comforting and easy. 

Which is why you can’t help but jolt just a little in surprise when those hands, the hypnotizing ones you’re so obsessed with suddenly start creeping up your legs, halfway up your thighs, carefully kneading the supple flesh he finds there. He chuckles at your reaction, finally picking his up his head to watch you through heavy-lidded eyes. “Bet you’re extra sensitive right now, huh petal?” He doesn’t have to bet because he knows it’s true, knows how needy you get when you’ve smoked. And he loves it- it’s why he never makes you pay for any of the times he smokes you out.

“Fuck off,” You whine at his light-hearted teasing, but Yoongi just giggles- he fucking giggles- in response, hands still travelling the expanse of your thighs. 

“Be nice,” His words are still jovial, but there’s a gruffness behind them that sends a shiver down your spine, despite the relative stuffiness of his living room.

“I am nice, you’re just a dick,” You pout- childish, but you can’t quite come up with anything more clever at the moment. The jab may be weaker than your usual quips, but Yoongi seems to have decided it’s enough to warrant a punishment of sorts, as he sends a quick slap onto your thigh. It’s certainly not the harshest hit you’ve received from him, it’s more playful than anything, but it’s enough to make you whine, not even noticing when your own hands jump down to grab at him and your now sore flesh.

His eyes take on a new sort of darkness, beyond the dilated pupils from the high he’s in the middle of as he grabs at your wrists, any assault you had planned halting in its tracks. His large hands that you’ve drooled over- figuratively and literally- many a time are big enough that he only needs one of them to hold both of yours steady. He uses his grip on you to yank you back up to a sitting position, where your noses almost touch and you can feel his breath fan across your lips.

“I told you, I know how you tick,” He lets his tongue swipe out to wet his lips, the act distracts you and makes you mimic it with your own tongue and lips. The smirk he gives you is all at once wicked and panty dampening. “Which means I know you like it when I’m mean. I know you like when I treat you like this, like my little slut,” The word makes you draw in a breath as your face reddens in humiliation and tension. “And- and I know you’re probably soaking through your panties right now, all over my couch. Making a fucking mess.”

It infuriates you to no end how right he is as your breaths come out shaky and uneven as you feel your pussy flutter around nothing beneath your shorts and panties. 

“Aren’t you?” His tone doesn’t leave room for playfulness anymore, and you’re nodding dumbly before you can give it a second thought. “Good girl.”

He doesn’t give you any time to bask in the praise before he’s leaning in to capture your lips in a searing and sloppy kiss. He’s domineering even in the way he kisses you, teeth biting and tongue sweeping into your own mouth as he revels in the small sounds that escape you. His hands leave your wrists, freeing them so you can grip onto raven locks with a newly freed hand as his own wrap around your waist. 

Every sense is filled with him, and it is all at once comforting and exhilarating.

He tugs and roughly manhandles you so that you’re properly astride his denim-covered thighs, your lips never untangling in the process. When your lips finally do come apart, it’s with a lewd sound and a gasp from your mouth. He’s still smirking.

“Gonna fuck you so good petal,” Yoongi has always been so blunt and unforgiving, whether in bed or out and it had been one of the things that first attracted you to him, besides his obvious good looks. 

Before the two of you had even gotten together, when you were friends who didn’t fuck on the regular, you had even mustered up the courage to touch yourself to the thought of him speaking to you like this- your own fingers circling your clit and delving into yourself without abandon. You had only been able to imagine up a fraction of his sexual prowess. 

Like the time only a few weeks ago you admitted to him in a foggy haze, high than you think you’d ever been. how you’d brought yourself to climax with images and soundbites of him flitting through your head. He’d immediately made you put on a show for him- recreating those nights, but this time with him sitting feet away from you and ignoring your pleas for him to touch you.

Right now, however, the only things keeping you grounded in reality is the feeling of the muscles in his thighs flexing beneath you, though nowhere near where you truly ache to be touched, and one of his hands brutishly tangled in your hair, pulling harshly so he can have easy access to your neck. Plush lips start soft, kissing and licking at the skin there, before his teeth join in, biting and sucking like he loves the taste of you (because he does).

“Y-yoongi-” You’re trying to keep the whimpers at bay, like maybe if you stop yourself from seeming so turned on so fast it’ll get him to fuck you faster. “C’mon, just fuck me already.”

“So demanding for such a needy bitch,” He has you squirming on his lap and you don’t know why you thought you had any power over him left. “Have you forgotten your place? Can’t think of anything else but getting fucked, huh?”

You nod in agreement, but find out he must want a verbal response when you’re met with a sharp spank to your ass that has you squealing and bucking into his lap. “Yeah, yeah Yoongi ‘m sorry, just need it.”

“I know, baby, I know, you can’t even help it when you get all messy like this, I know,” You can’t decide whether his words are sweet or patronizing when he coos at you like that, but either way he’s got you another pair of panties.

“Need you to fix it, Yoongs,” All pride is out the window when he’s got you like this, and you love pleading with him to give you what you want almost as much as likes making you beg.

“I will,” He gives you one more harsh bite to the junction of your neck and your shoulder that you know will blossom into a bruise just in time for your 10 AM class tomorrow and you hiss at the mingling of pain and pleasure. “Now fucking get up,” He pats lightly at your thigh twice at the order.

You’re in no position to disobey, and you know from experience that not listening to him will end up with a sore ass and no release in sight. You stand up on shaky, doe-like legs and he grins at the sight of you. He stands up with you, his lean form and strong stance making him look taller than he really is. Then his long fingers are pulling at what little clothing you have, stripping you of both your tank top and your shorts and your bra isn’t far behind. Soon you’re clad only in your panties while he’s still fully clothed in black form-fitting jeans and a plain white t-shirt. Thankfully he leaves his cliche, but devastatingly sexy leather jacket at the door.

He doesn’t make any move to undress at all and you hope to god he will eventually- you love seeing his honey-coloured skin covered in a thin layer of sweat as he fucks you into oblivion. But for now, he stays fully clothed and he roughly pulls you by your upper arm until he can bend you over the arm of the couch, panty-covered ass high and perfectly on display for him.

“God, you’re fucking dripping,” He taunts, fingers running over your pussy through the thin cotton, making you whine into the rough cushion your face is resting on. “All this from almost nothing, huh? You’re such a fucking slut for me, shit.” He sounds genuinely amazed by you and when you uncomfortably crane your neck back to get a good look at him you let out a proper moan. He must have stripped his shirt off when you weren’t facing him, because his chest is bare for you to gaze at, or you would gaze at it if you weren’t distracted by the hand that isn’t on you, which is lazily working over his cock, rock hard and aching through his jeans.

He smirks when he notices what’s grabbed your attention, knowing you’re only moments away from quite literally drooling on his pillows. “Is this what you want? Hm?”

“Ye-yeah your cock, Yoongi, need your cock,” Your face burns red and blood burns hot as the crude words leave your mouth.

“And you’ll fucking get it, dove,” The cute name contrasts the second harsh spank he lands on your ass and you moan at the delicious sting. 

You think that he must be about to tear your panties off and sink into you, but that would be too predictable and Yoongi loves to keep you on your toes. Instead, he disappears from your line of sight, a dull thump coming from the hardwood as he drops to his knees, feline gaze now level with your cunt. 

“Yoongi-” You’re whining again, and you even have to hold yourself back from stomping your foot childishly because, god, you just need him to do something.

And then he finally does- he licks a thick stripe, right from your clit to your entrance, still over your panties, and you gasp in surprise. He does it again, twice, three, four times until your hips are bucking and you’re whining because you need more, you need him to actually touch you and not be a giant fucking tease for once in his life.

“Be fucking patient,” He hisses out, but at least he’s finally rolling your underwear down your legs to toss them somewhere across the room. “Or I swear to god, I’ll hold you down just like this so you can’t even squirm while I get myself off all over your messy cunt,” His hand is running up and down your bare pussy as he speaks, spreading the wetness around, to your clit and your thighs and your ass and then back again. “And then I’ll send you home without touching you or cleaning you up, so you’ll have to take the subway home covered in my come and fucking trembling. So be fucking good.” At the last word, he lands a mean slap against your gushing cunt and you let out an embarrassing squeak.

“Shit-fuck- Yoongi, please, just-” You stutter through your words, needing to get them out, though you don’t know why. “I’ll be good, okay? ‘M your good girl, I am, promise, I’ll be good.”

He doesn’t respond, at least not verbally. But you have to assume he’s happy with your desperate response when he finally delves into your pussy like a man starved, tongue licking into you, the muscle sending spasms up and down your legs. You have to muffle your moans by biting into a pillow, not needing another altercation with his neighbours, but you want nothing more than to yell his name as loud as you can until your voice goes hoarse when he shakes his head from side to side, tongue still buried inside of you and one of his hands now roughly circling your clit. 

It’s too much, but it’s not nearly enough. It’s when he switches positions between his hand and mouth that you think you might explode; his mouth latches onto your clit, tongue circling and playing with it and two fingers fucking into you, preparing you for the impressive girth of his own cock.

Your teeth let go of the strong grip it has so you can warn him of your impending orgasm. “Yoongi- gonna come-” You manage to choke out between barely quieted moans.

You know that he wouldn’t be able to respond if he was still suckling on your clit, but you still whine and wiggle your hips as he pulls away, earning you yet another spank to your rear, where you can only assume a nice handprint is forming. “Yeah? Want you to come all over my face, like a good messy whore- gotta come for me before I can fuck you like you need.” 

When his mouth finds your swollen clit again, you can’t help it as your orgasm barrels through you almost violently, every muscle tensing and fingers grasping at whatever they can find, neighbour’s delicate sensibilities forgotten as you moan out Yoongi’s name. He licks you through it, fingers no longer pistoning into you. When the last of the tremors have faded he finally pulls away, using his clean hand to wipe your mess off of his chin, though it hardly cleans him. 

“Good fucking girl,” The roughness with which he was grinding his still covered bulge into your now sopping wet center would be impossible to ignore even if your head weren’t a million miles away. But for now, everything is Yoongi, every single scent is filled with him and you think that that might be making your head even fuzzier than the drugs coursing through your system, but you’re too far gone to be sure. Or to even care.

Because all you can think about is his mouth-watering hands kneading at the slightly pinkened skin of your ass, his mouth-watering cock rutting against you and his mouth-watering, well, mouth pressing wet kisses and occasional bites up and down your spine. “Yoongi,” You meant to speak with at least a little more conviction, but his name comes out as little more than a mumble.

“Hm,” He hums against your skin and even those slight vibrations reverberate straight to your heart, which starts beating faster at the thought of what’s to come. “What, is my babygirl still needy?” 

The use of the word my in front of the affectionate name makes your heart jump, but you don’t even have time to scold yourself for thinking with your post-orgasmic pussy before he continues talking with that sinful mouth of him. “Such a greedy, desperate girl, won’t be happy ‘til you’re stuffed full of my fat cock,” His words have you whining and grinding back against him, where you don’t have to look to know you’re leaving a stain on his favourite jeans.  If you’re unlucky- or lucky depending on your mood- he’ll make you clean it up with your tongue as further delicious torture. 

But smoking makes Yoongi needy too, no matter how much he teases you for the effect it has on you, and he can’t wait much longer, not with his cock so hard he was a razor blades’ edge from losing his mind. He needs to be inside you as much as you need him.

Which is why you don’t doubt him for a second when he’s murmuring things about how he’s ‘gonna fuck you so good, gonna fuck you stupid,’ and you can only respond with even quieter whispers of ‘I knows’ and ‘pleases’ as he strips himself oh the rest of his clothes, hissing from oversensitivity as his cock makes contact with the air. It’s wonderfully overwhelming and he’s not even fucking you yet.

You can’t even explain how grateful you are when Yoongi turns you around because you love just seeing his cock. You’ve never been one to describe guys’ dicks as pretty before- except that TA you managed to fuck before Jimin sunk his claws into him, Kim Seokjin, because, well, you’re not blind. But Yoongi’s dick is gorgeous. It’s not the biggest thing you’ve ever seen, and it doesn’t have to be, not when it’s girthy enough to make you salivate with a curve that points to the heavens. Gorgeous.

He’s pulling you on top of him so he can sit back down and you’re back to straddling him, and you don’t complain because you know he’s tired both from the pot and crouching on his haunches for access to your center not two minutes ago. Plus he loves when you ride him, breasts bouncing in his face, wetness making a mess out of his lap and full access of your entire body for both his hands and lips.

“Need you to bounce on my fat cock before I fucking explode, baby,” And you’d have to be some sort of a madwoman to deny him.

“Need it too, Yoongs,” You don’t know why you feel the need to remind how desperate you are for him, surely he can feel it, your swollen pussy resting only centimetres above his throbbing length. “Can’t think of anything else.”

“I know,” He’s rubbing the angry red tip against your sopping folds, tinges of overstimulation making you jolt. Or you would jolt if his hands weren’t heavy on your waist, keeping you steady so you couldn’t a) get away from his cock or b) properly sink down onto it. “So pathetic and perfect for me like this, all cock drunk and fucked out and I haven’t even fucked you yet, huh?”

You nod frantically, and you can’t even find the energy to be embarrassed when a hand comes up to pet your hair with a condescending ‘awe’ as he pouts at you. You bat his hand away with a whine and furrowed eyebrows, but all that gets you is his hand tangled in your hair, yanking sharply in retaliation. “Careful, slut, or you won’t be coming for the next week-”

“Please, Yoongi-” You don’t let him finish, knowing from experience to always take his threats seriously. “I’m sorry, I’m fucking sorry, okay just please-”

You cut yourself off with a high pitched, tea kettle-like squeak as he uses his hands on you as leverage to have you sink down onto his cock in one fell swoop. “Shit, god, you’re always so fucking tight around me, fuck me.”

I am, is what you wish you were coherent enough to snark back with, but you’re sure no one would blame you if they could feel what you feel right now. And what you’re feeling right now is how well Yoongi feels inside of you, like no cock you’ve ever had. Every ridge and vein on his cock fills you up to the fucking brim, no room left for a pinky or a thought that has to do with anything other than Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi.

And then he starts with those devilish moments of his hip, fucking into you shallowly and slowly to start and it’s all Yoongi’s dick. 

“Fucking bounce on it, dove. Fuck yourself on my cock, show me how much you need it,” He speaks through gritted teeth, each word a struggle as he tries not to fuck into you without thought. And it’s with the satisfaction you get knowing he’s just as desperate for you as you are for him that you find the strength to do as he says.

With quivering thighs, you push up and off of his cock, the two of you sharing a harmonious groan at the feeling, foreheads pressed against each other, skin sweaty. And this all just in the calm before the storm. 

It’s not long before the both of you are moving frantically, mere seconds, really. It’s intense and all-encompassing, as you grind and roll your hips, cock deeper than you knew to be possible, and his bucking his own hips into you roughly, no doubt as deeply in some sort of euphoria as you are. His hands are everywhere and so are his lips. He sucks marks into your tits and gropes your ass, controlling your movements to the best of his abilities.

All of that, plus your clit grinding against his pelvic bone every other second and your head just might be in another universe. 

Yoongi’s words are swirling around in your head, though you’re not properly taking any of it in- his velvety voice goes on about how wet you are, how tight you are, how you’re a good girl and it’s all another instrument in your downfall. You’ve never been much for heights but being with Yoongi feels like something akin to what you assume bungee jumping is like, and you’re just about at that point where your cord runs out of length and your heart drops to the bottom of your stomach.

“Tell me you’re fucking close, baby, c’mon,” This is as close to pleading as you can ever get Yoongi but you’re still swimming in pride. He brings a hand off of your ass to cup your cheek, brushing away your now mussed hair and a single stray tear and you drink in the look in his eyes, dark red-rimmed and needing. “Gonna fill you up with my come, just like I know you like, my perfect little cumslut, fuck, just need you to come first, yeah? All over my fucking cock.”

And with a particularly hard grasp at your ass, bringing you to grind your clit against him again, you’re gone. It’s considerably less intense than the previous one, as many second orgasms are, but your head is still spinning and you think you might have drooled a little, but you don’t mind and you know Yoongi doesn’t. Your attempts to stifle your moans are unsuccessful as the name of the man attached to your favourite cock falls from your lips like a mantra.

And where your orgasm is, Yoongi is rarely far behind- he loves seeing you fall apart around him, because of him and you always clench so fucking hard around him in the peak of your pleasure how could he fucking not. He’s grunting, moaning, damn near growling as he spurts his own release as deep into you as he possibly can, coating every inch of your delectable pussy, vague mumbles of how he’s filling you up, just like you’re meant to be that you can just barely hear.

Shakey breaths hit each of your faces as you come down, now still and worn out. Your chests move up and down and you don’t know when you’ve buried your face into the crook of his neck, but the warmth and smell are more comforting than any hit you’ve ever taken off of one of his blunts.

“Shit, buttercup,” He chuckles, the vibrations rumbling through his chest and where you’ve tucked yourself He runs a hand through his sweaty black locks, the other hand locked around your waist. “I don’t know how we’re gonna move without making this couch fucking disgusting.” Mood killer.

“Don’t give a shit.”

“Yeah, but I do. Especially if Joon or Hobi someone finds it and makes a big fucking deal out of it, like no other guy in his twenties has some come stained furniture.”

You pull back from the spot you wish he’d just let you fall asleep in so he can see your pout. He can’t find the sight of you… adorable? Your hair matted, bruises, courtesy of yours truly littering your tits and chest, a thin sheen of sweat making your skin glow and bottom lip jutted out exactly enough to be overexaggerated and so fucking adorable. 

At that moment he’s glad that about three weeks ago the two of you had started to break the unspoken no sleeping over after sex rule because he just wants to clean you up and feel you curl yourself around him like you like to.

You don’t know what time it is, just that it’s late and that it doesn't matter, because this was certainly time well spent. You wonder how much sleep you’ve given up in lieu of Yoongi’s pretty dick. Of course, it does matter... because you have a 9 am class tomorrow morning that you can’t miss, but that’s for future you to worry about. For now, it’s time to try to get up without defiling this Ikea couch (you failed miserably and giggled about it while Yoongi groaned in mock pain), burn out just one more joint, steal some clothes for bed and some snacks from his fridge, and pass the fuck out on his bed, which you think is way better than yours, but that has nothing to do with the boy in it or his comforting warmth and smell.

                     ..............................................................................

Past you is a dumb bitch. Also maybe current you. Point being, you hate you, because you’re sore and stiff and ten minutes late to your dumb 9 am class and it’s all Yoongi’s fucking fault. You texted him this much, calling him a ‘little bitch boy’ for not even waking you up to make you a cup of coffee with his fancy instant coffee machine before you left. He hasn’t responded yet because holy fuck does that guy sleep like a rock. A really cute, cuddly, sex-god rock.

But, as usual, Jimin came in clutch, handing you off a coffee as your paths crossed on campus, each of you heading to your respective classes. He gave you a one-armed-too-tight hug and a comment on how you have that very glamourous ‘I got fucked by Min Fucking Yoongi last night and you didn’t so I’m better than you look.’ You tried to take it as a compliment as you thanked him for the coffee. He gave you a cute kiss to your forehead that reminded you you could never even be annoyed at him for too long.

And now you’re in class. Headache from not getting enough sleep getting worse by the second while you tried not to think about what judgements people must be passing on you, with your sunglasses inside and hickeys you didn’t have time to cover up.

When your phone pings you assume it’s Jimin, with something slutty or sarcastic or both. But it’s not. It’s Yoongi- well, it’s what you have Yoongi’s number saved under, aka the drooling emoji three times over… You’re surprised he’s awake, you’re pretty sure he doesn’t have shit to do until the afternoon. 

You have a fleeting thought that it could be a dick pic- yeah it’s a little early for that kind of dumb fuckboy behaviour, and you’d previously thought that too, but Kim Taehyung proved you wrong last year. 

Yoongi isn’t a dick pic kind of guy anyway. No, he’s the guy that sends pictures of his hand around your throat that one night you let him take artsy photos of you two fucking on his film camera. The kind of guy that sends you audios of him jerking off and moaning your name that you listen to through your earphones in between classes because he knew you wouldn’t be able to help yourself. He’s the guy that drives you crazy because you can never quite predict what he’s gonna do next.

[9:23 am] From 🤤🤤🤤: you could have woken me you know dummy

[9:24 am] From 🤤🤤🤤: subways are gross in the morning

[9:25 am] From 🤤🤤🤤: i could have u know, driven u…

[9:26 am] From 🤤🤤🤤: cant really say no to u buttercup.

You don’t know why you’re heart’s beating so fast so you reprimand yourself for thinking with your pussy. Min motherfucking Yoongi is gonna be the death of you.