#but something is very compelling to me about someone who's fought for perfection her entire life

[saturnsblues]

I started reading The Priory of The Orange tree because I wanted a good sapphic book that wasn't just a romance, but truly Tané and Nayimathun shook me

[infamous-empire]

So I watched The Sky Crawlers

Woo boy, this is gonna be a long one.

Alright, so I’ve been interested in Mamoru Oshi films for a long, long time. He’s one of the most acclaimed directors in the anime industry, and most of his films are highly-regarded masterpieces, so I’ve always had an interest in his work. Then I watched Ghost in the Shell and it didn’t do much for me, and I promptly lowered my expectations. Still, I was curious as to whether his other work was any better, and thankfully this one delivered

MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE MOVIE AHEAD

Firstly, there’s one thing I can’t help but talk about in regards to this film: the atmosphere. This film has one of the most immaculate vibes I’ve seen in anime, and that largely just comes down to how every single part of the film is built to convey it to near perfection. All of the characters, even the more lively ones, are more than a little apathetic with understated expressions, the sound design is subtle and tends to emphasize silence a lot of the time, Kenji Kawai’s musical score is just eerie & haunting.

Hell, even the shot composition supports this (and it should say something that this movie managed to make me catch on to something as subtle as shot composition), most of the scenes are framed in a way where the places they’re in feel empty and the characters seem utterly alone even when in places where there’s other people with them. And this is even further backed up by the fact that the film rarely, if ever, uses background extras, making even the more “crowded” scenes feel pretty empty compared to most anime.

All of this comes together to create a subtle feeling of haunting emptiness which permeates the entire film, a feeling which is perfectly complemented by the character writing. Now one of my biggest complaints with the last Oshii film I watched, Ghost in the Shell, was how barebones the character writing felt, making everyone feel so unenjoyably hollow, but Sky Crawlers manages to rectify this in two ways. The first being that it does feel like there’s a sense of personality to all the characters present, on the subtlest level, even the supporting characters have their own little quirks which set them apart, and the two main leads get some fantastic development, which I’ll get to in a moment.

The other thing I enjoyed about the character writing is how it took the dry hollowness of Oshii’s writing and actually made it a compelling part of the film. The main character, Kannami, is a bit bland on the surface, of the film’s primary characters, he’s by far the least emotive and expressive, always approaching everything with the same look of detached apathy and never seeming that interested even in the ongoing plot. However, this is all by design. He’s a Kildren, someone genetically engineered from birth to be eternally young and fight in this war forever. He has no past to speak of or future to look forward to, no loved ones to ground him or home to come back to, nothing to fight for or believe in. All he has is a robotic persistence to move forward in this war because that’s the only thing he’s ever known. And it’s that same hollowness which makes the film’s ending all the more poignant, he subtly grew to care and love over the course of the film, all climaxing when he finally had something to fight for and believe in at the very end. And even if he’s dead, his and what he fought for will continue forward through Kusanagi.

While I’m on the subject, I’mma also talk about the film’s other lead, Suito Kusanagi, since she’s by far the movie’s most interesting character. Throughout most of the film, she’s something of a mystery, she’s cold towards Kannami and we see bits & pieces of what she does without much understanding of her internal logic. We’re fed details about her one bit at a time and slowly come to understand her more and more in a way which is incredibly engaging for me. She’s a Kildren who’s survived longer than anyone could have predicted, driven to suicidal depression by the monotony of fighting a meaningless, repetitive war while living an empty, repetitive life. Despite her coldness, she’s the most emotional of the characters in the film, as it’s made clear she truly does care about those she fights with and has the most strong emotional moments of the film. And the ultimate resolution of her arc at the end, being inspired by Kannami’s drive to change things and seeing hope in the future for the first time in her life, is just beautiful.

One last thing about the character writing, having a strong backbone of characterization makes some of Oshii’s other writing quirks work a lot more for me, specifically the lengthy philosophical discussions. Mitsuya infodumping about the nature of the Kildren works really well since it also doubles as her having an existential crisis and being able to unload about it to someone for the first time to the point where she’s breaking down in tears by the end of it. Or Kannami philosophizing about the monotony of Kildren life near the end, which feels earned rather than forced since it followed up on almost two hours of him slowly coming to terms with the nature of his existence.

The fact that I’ve rambled about this film for paragraphs and paragraphs without even talking about the themes yet is a testament to its depth and attention to detail, but let's get on with it. Fundamentally, Sky Crawlers is a war film, but it’s also a commentary on the frustration of our generation and on the nature of war itself in relation to modern society. It’s about the monotony of living life in a world which increasingly drives you towards pessimism and depression. The Kildren are people who have no hope for the future, the overly commercialized society which created them to fight in their wars has stripped them of any chance of a life beyond war and exploitation by the megacorporations who built the infinite meat-grinder they have no choice but to fight in. And without anything to look forward to or dreams to strive for, how do you meaningfully mature and grow as a person? How do you meaningfully develop a sense of time or continuity when every day is the same and you can’t even form new memories because of that? And without memories of the past or dreams of the future, how do you even form a reliable sense of self? These questions are at the core of this film, and they make its ending all the more powerful to me: Kannami and Kusanagi do finally find some sense of resolution at the end of the road, when they each find hope that one day they’ll be able to change the system. It’s only when they find hope in tomorrow that they begin to truly move forward. And Kannami’s death only enhances this for me, an acknowledgement that trying to change the world and truly progress is nearly impossible, an insurmountable obstacle which few might ever be able to achieve, but it’s still worth trying, worth moving forward, regardless.

I’d also be remiss not to mention the tourist scene. A bunch of tourists come to the base and treat the war they’re fighting in like a team sport they use to entertain themselves from a distance, then proceed to offer shallow pity when one of the Kildren is shot down and dies in front of them, offering vague platitudes about “fighting for a peaceful world” that not even the Kildren believe in. It’s a truly biting commentary on the sensationalization of war in modern media and adds weight to Kusanagi’s words later when she talks about how War is necessary in society because the idea of ongoing conflict in the world makes people living in peace behind the lines feel good about themselves by emphasizing the importance of peace. Plus, the scene of Kusanagi calling out the tourists is a great moment for her

One last thing, I got a lot of enjoyment out of comparing this film to Eighty-Six, my second favorite anime, since there’s a lot of interesting similarities to dig into. Narratively speaking, both are about a class of people designated to fight in someone else’s war and how they cope with being born on the battlefield & having no future, as well as having one of the main characters being one of them who’s survived longer than everyone else. Both commentate on the relationship between war and peaceful society (hell, Kusanagi’s scene of calling out the tourists feels like something right out of 86), and both have some incredible CGI fight scenes.

Presentation-wise, the film was great. The 2D animation is masterfully crafted and brilliantly subtle, and the CGI, while PS2-tier, is honestly really well-integrated, so I didn’t get any uncanny valley feelings. The music is incredible, easily one of Kenji Kawai’s best soundtracks.

So, yeah, this film is a masterpiece and I loved every second of it

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 325: Deku VS the Outside of U.A. ~Conclusion~

Previously on BnHA: Ochako was all “dear bloodthirsty mob, this kid you see standing before you has fought harder than anyone and put his life on the line to protect you all, so please chill the fuck out, jesus christ. like, putting aside that he’s humanity’s best hope and so it’s very much in your best interests to let him rest and recover someplace safe so that he can keep fighting for us, are y’all seriously going to turn away an injured and exhausted child in front of his sobbing mother?? seriously?? come on now.” I’m paraphrasing here but that’s basically how it went down. Anyway so then the mob was all, “...” and Deku collapsed to his knees in tears, and Gigantic Fox Lady and Kouta ran over to give him a hug but then the chapter ended.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “FINE, YOU CAN HUG HIM”, which, was that so hard?? The U.A. Clown Mob is all “come to think of it, we’ve kind of been taking the heroes for granted this entire time, maybe we should be less passive in the future. anyway so Deku if it’s not too much to ask, can you please save everyone and fix everything.” Deku is all “I sure can, and by the way I forgive you for swarming around all menacingly two minutes ago and trying to deny me basic shelter and stuff.” Ectoplasm is all, “hey Todogang get a load of this. [walks in a circle].” Hawks is all, “that’s literally the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.” Rat Principal is all, “anyway so that’s what your students did today, hope you’re enjoying your new *~*ROBOT LEG*~*, Aizawa.” Aizawa is all “[lots of exposition about Kurogiri and for some reason, Toga, while being all brooding and sexy].” All Might is all “[standing here right outside of U.A. doing absolutely nothing and being foreboding AF]” and that immediately sucked away all of the warm fuzzy feelings from the hugs, goddammit.

each new week has become a waiting game of “when will Deku finally get to take a bath so people will actually be willing to go near him and give him the hugs he deserves.” the stakes have never been so compelling. I’ve almost forgotten about AFO entirely

lmaoooooo

me: for the love of god will someone please give Deku a hug before I die of old age

Mineta: YOU GOT IT!! --

Iida: [SWIFTLY CUTS HIM OFF] NOT YOU

fucking losing it at Mineta’s crying face. he really wanted to hug him. I legit feel bad but this is also the funniest thing I have seen all week, omg

somehow Kouta, who last week was only a hand’s breadth away from touching Deku’s head, is now twenty miles away from him in this new chapter

can I make a Loki reference here. is this recap a good place to insert a joke about someone using a TVA time-rewinding device to fuck with my poor boy Kouta over here. well anyway there it is

AND NOW HE’S BACK ALL OF A SUDDEN OMG

(ETA: since when is he “niichan” omg?? can’t handle this cuteness.)

BUT THEY’RE STILL NOT HUGGING HIM FFFFKFFFFF. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO. WHO DO I HAVE TO BRIBE AND/OR BLACKMAIL

OH NO KOUTA IS CRYING THAT’S IT I’M DONE FOR

“when I heard that lady I knew that I had to go, but then stop again within inches of actually touching you because you smell like week-old rotten onions.” listen Kouta, I’m not saying I don’t get it, but you all can’t keep doing this to me. it’s the way you guys keep teasing it. like, if you’re gonna hug him, hug him. don’t just stand there with your arms held rigidly out in front of you like a molded action figure

OH MY GOSH BUT HE SAID THE THING

KOUTA SWOOPING IN AT THE LAST MINUTE TO TAKE ALL THE CREDIT FOR FIXING DEKU LIKE THAT ONE KID IN THE GROUP PROJECT WHO DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BUT STILL TAGS HIS NAME ONTO THE REPORT ANYWAY, WHAT A KNAVE

GASP

(  ´͈ ᗨ `͈ )

SHE PICKED HIM UP LIKE A LITTLE BABY OMG?? she just leaned right over and lifted this child like he was a small animal. like a lil baby futon that she was about to hang up to dry. oh my god

-- HEY WHAT

(: well that’s extremely fucked up. though sadly not too surprising given what we just saw these past couple chapters

incidentally, I hope that anyone who was legitimately defending the civilians’ perspective earlier takes note here of how quickly that line of thinking -- “we’re just trying to keep our families safe” and all that-- can lead to straight up bigotry. if you’re willing to deny a child shelter and protection simply because he’s not YOUR child, and because you’ve decided based on Internet rumors (no real-world parallels there, I’m sure) that he might present a threat, it’s really not that much further of a leap to discriminating against entire groups of people simply because you perceive those groups as being dangerous. I’m sure the people who turned Gigantic Fox Lady away also told themselves afterwards that they did it to protect their families. “better safe than sorry.” “she’ll be fine, someone will take her in, but as for us, we can’t afford to take that risk.” people can come up with all kinds of justifications for treating other people as less than human, and the really scary thing about it is how fucking easy it is

one last quick side note, which is that Horikoshi does a great job here of showing how scapegoating works, given that AFO is the one who’s really to blame and who presents the actual threat, and yet Deku is the one who ultimately winds up being the target of the mob’s fear and outrage despite him being as much of a victim as they are. gotta love that irony, which unfortunately plays out far too often in the real world as well.

anyway I’ll get off my soapbox now, sorry about that. let us continue

YES, FINALLY OH MY GOD!!!!

AND THAT’S THE STORY OF HOW GIGANTIC FOX LADY BECAME THE GREATEST HERO. PACK IT ALL UP, WE’RE DONE HERE KIDS

holy shit. the real MVP right there. thanks for getting it done champ

jesus christ I have had it up to here with these people

literally the bar is set so low at this point that I’ll go ahead and take it. helping him because it offers them a tactical advantage is at least one step up from not helping him at all

“WHY NOT SHIKETSU” MOTHERFUCKER I SWEAR TO GOD

-- thank you!!

okay this one guy with the antennae hair is having himself a character development speedrun here

-- okay, but this part?? fucking this part, right here??

can we repeat that again?? the part where this guy acknowledges that the problems of hero society were caused not just by said heroes, but also by said society?? the part where he acknowledges that they treated the heroes like celebrities who were putting on a show for them?? the part where he acknowledges that when push came to shove, the vast majority of those heroes, when faced with a situation that offered no reward, were nonetheless willing to put their lives on the line to protect the very same people who then turned around and blamed them rather than thanking them?? are the civilians of BnHA even allowed to have actual deep thoughts about this stuff. holy shit

bro!!

ANTENNAE HAIR GUY SHOVING KOUTA AND GIGANTIC FOX LADY OUT OF THE WAY TO SLAP HIS NAME ONTO THE END CREDITS AS EXECUTIVE PRODUCER. CONGRATULATIONS SON YOU FIGURED OUT THE CORE PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTION AT THE VERY HEART OF THE MANGA. WAY TO GO BUD

meanwhile, on today’s episode of “one more chapter to go till the big volume cliffhanger, how else can I drag things out let’s see”

it’s a panel. of people’s feet. just a bunch of normal feet. with sneakers and shit

this All Might shirt guy is getting more screentime in this arc than 90% of the class 1-A kids

I guess I’m supposed to feel sorry for this dude now that he’s all “if we let you stay here do you promise to somehow magically fix every single problem that we are now currently facing?” those are some ridiculously exacting standards my dude. come on now

KACCHAN SIGHTING

thank fuck I’m not the only one who’s thoroughly unimpressed by absolutely all of this lol. I feel better now. meanwhile Iida and Kouda and Kiri are ready to run over there and hug them all. you guys are way too forgiving. damn you and your pure hearts

anyway so Deku’s like “yeah, definitely”

(ETA: almost forgot to comment on the “I’m no longer alone” part – he basically corrects the guy and says “sorry, but you’ll need to direct that question towards all of us, not just me, because moving forward we’re a team.” good stuff.)

you know what though, all joking aside... fuck yeah. because perfect victory, right. the strongest guys don’t settle for anything less. so I guess Deku has pretty exacting standards himself

also can you all just take a look at this fucking kid who’s got so much light in his eyes now that I’m gonna need eclipse goggles. hot damn. “you’re welcome” says All Might Shirt Guy as he is frantically interviewed by several local news networks asking him how he daringly managed to save Deku all by himself. “well I guess I’ve just never been the kind of guy who can sit back and let a bunch of rabble-rousers blame a little kid for all of humanity’s problems. someone had to step in and take action, you know?”

oH MY GOD THE SCENE IS FINALLY ENDING

don’t let the door hit you on your way out All Might Shirt Guy

but meanwhile, sudden Tododrama action??

oh shit

there are honestly so many ways in which Ochako’s very moving speech could have wildly backfired that I genuinely have no clue where this is headed lol. how exciting!!

so now Horikoshi is once again stalling for time with random filler panels, but this one is 10x better than the shoes lol omg

(1) was Ectoplasm’s jacket always this oversized. (2) did you guys know that if you go back to chapter 319 you can see that Horikoshi gave us a sneak peak at Enji’s Sad Detective disguise and I in fact made a joke about it in the 319 recap not realizing it was actually the stone cold truth. (3) did Shouto deliberately speed up out of impatience because Hawks was walking so fucking slow and he couldn’t take it any longer. (4) and what, I ask you, is up with these dramatic speedlines. so many mysteries here. what a masterpiece

everyone is acting all shocked about something ahh what’s going on

wait what

what the heck. did they just loop around behind everyone. what was the point of that lol. “anyway, so this is what they look like from the back” well okay, thanks for that Ectoplasm

(ETA: so it seems like they were actually hanging out someplace else away from the crowd this whole time, I guess? here I thought they had more faith in Enji’s disguise. I guess Shouto and Hawks don’t particularly want to attract this crowd’s attention themselves right now either, though.)

I am so fucking confused lmao

speaking of All Might WHERE THE FUCK IS HE lol. but yes, good, OFA brings everyone together, and Hawks is very deeply moved about this out of the blue all of a sudden. you know how it is

aw heck yeah now this is another filler panel I can get behind

Mineta really wants that hug, good lord. I genuinely love this actually. Mineta if you could just stay little and cute and keep crying about how much you love your classmates in a non-gross way for the rest of the series I would be so appreciative. you’re doing great

IIDA IS HOLDING DEKU’S HAND THIS IS NOT A DRILL. ONE TIME WASN’T ENOUGH FOR MY MAN HE’S ADDICTED NOW

what did I tell you. Kiri wants to get all of the mob’s autographs now. Kiri you’re a peach

Shouji having a conversation with another mutant type is a very nice touch! we really need to get to his backstory soon. I feel like that casual remark from GFL earlier was kind of hinting at more to come

is this the first time we’ve ever seen the Yaoyorictionary in action?? never forget that Viz tried to call it the “Yaoyorozu Reference Book” because they hate fun

last but not least, KAMIBAKU IS BACK ON THE MENU, FUCK YEAH. Kaminari trying to spice things up and introduce a little bit of controversy by smacking Kacchan on the back of the head for god knows what. I will be deeply disappointed after this if I can’t find at least one person unironically declaring that KamiBaku is now toxic and abusive

lfkdlWLWK TODODRAMA??

oh my god. Shouto’s face. Enji’s face. the back to “oyaji” again. the blunt, not-taking-no-for-an-answer, “I don’t know how much louder the universe can scream at you that doing things alone is not it, so hopefully you got the point” directness of it. fffdlkslj I’m so ready for this Horikoshi please don’t fuck it up my expectations are so high

HOLY FUCK

I SCROLLED DOWN AND HE WAS ALL “( ❛‿❛)” AND I JUST WASN’T FUCKING EXPECTING THAT OKAY. JESUS CHRIST. GIVE ME A SEC

lol okay moment over and now Enji’s pulling his hat down all dramatically like a world-weary Cowboy

OH MY GOD WERE YOU FACETIMING??

AHHHHHHHHH

(ETA: not to put Iida down or anything, but it’s kind of strange that Aizawa is all “the class rep sure did great” when Ochako is the one that was giving that whole big speech for like twenty minutes just now lol.)

(ETA 2: “thank god Iida stepped in just in the nick of time to keep Mineta from hugging Deku.” sorry Mineta I really do like you lately but it’s still low-hanging fruit lol.)

HE LOOKS SO SAD??! HE LOOKS LIKE HEARTBREAK ITSELF??! I AM BESOUGHT WITH THE URGE TO REACH INTO MY SCREEN AND PULL HIM INTO THE SAFETY OF MY ARMS??? MY GOD, AND I THOUGHT DEKU NEEDED HUGS

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okay I was gonna just hold down the letter H for a full minute and count it out loud but within about ten seconds I realized I needed to chill lol

-- but then again NO, I DON’T NEED TO CHILL, I HAVE ZERO CHILL, ACTUALLY, BECAUSE IT’S AIZAWA WITH A ROBOT LEG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

COMPLETE WITH ROBOT TOES FOR THAT EXTRA TOUCH OF AUTHENTICITY!! I LIKE HOW HORIKOSHI PUT ALL THIS EXTRA “!!!” EMPHASIS AROUND IT IN CASE WE COULD SOMEHOW POSSIBLY FAIL TO TAKE NOTICE. “REMEMBER, EVERYONE?” SAYS HORIKOSHI HELPFULLY. “REMEMBER THAT TIME AIZAWA CHOPPED OFF HIS OWN LEG?” oh wow now that you mention it we somehow forgot all about that. like who do you take us for

OH NO NOT THE SAD BOYFRIEND ANGST THAT I WAS SECRETLY LOOKING FORWARD TO WITH GLEE

well at least he’s not M.I.A. or back with the villains again like I thought he might be. still, that’s gotta be brutal to know your friend is in there somewhere, but to not be able to reach him again no matter how hard you try. that’s the kind of angst that pays off in final battles just when you most expect it. such is my hope, at any rate

what’s this now??

trying to decide if this is Horikoshi’s way of saying don’t worry about that, or his way of saying definitely worry about that lol

anyway so Aizawa is out here being all irresponsibly handsome once again. when is someone going to do something about him

here for Sexy Robot Leg Eyepatch Aizawa clenching his fists and making speeches about revenge. pretty sure we’re all here for that

WELL, WELL, WELL

IT’S ABOUT FUCKING TIME

I’M VERY GLAD YOU’RE ALIVE AND SEEMINGLY WELL, THOUGH!

BUT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THOUGH, ALL MIGHT

ffff. bracing myself for that cliffhanger next week. you’d better not touch one hair on this man’s head Horikoshi. I’m watching you 

[cursed-domain]

curiosity

Mahito x female reader (kind of)

WC: ~1.3k

Mahito’s first sexual fantasy is about a sorcerer who is - not fond of him, to say the least

{ Written for the Firsts Collab hosted by @anime-nymph - thank you for giving me an excuse to go a lil outside my comfort zone and get some of my many Mahito thoughts into words :)) }

Content: NSFW, DC - description of a dubcon/non-con fantasy, descriptions of oral sex and unprotected sex, masturbation, cum-eating

{xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx}

Mahito is lying on his back, thinking about you in a way he doesn’t quite understand.

The main thing he has realized so far is that doesn’t want you dead, which surprises him. Usually he wants to get rid of people who have recently tried to kill him. They’re inconvenient, and too task-oriented to be any fun at all.

Instead, he wishes he’d been smart enough to capture you. But he’d been clumsy, the last time he saw you. You’d both escaped with no victory, and no clue of where the other might go next.

If he had managed it…

He smiles as he pictures it. If he’d only fought a little better, he could have had the pleasure of watching you run towards the light at the end of the gutter, already knowing that you’d never make it. Sprinting past you and blocking your path, snaring the neckline of your shirt and dragging you back into the recesses of his home, cackling over the sounds of your protests and your feet screeching along the uneven ground. In his head, your eyes widen when he laughs, your mouth already falling open, and he turns your face so he can see it.

There have been few faces and few bodies that have made him feel how he does now. The first time it happened, he thought that it was a sort of jealousy, annoyance that someone had lucked into a form more perfect than what he’d painstakingly created for himself.

But he is starting to understand. Because he has realized, also, that he does not want to look like you, or anyone else. He wants to look at you, not in the midst of a fight, but after you’ve already lost. He wants to see you when you are vulnerable, when you have no more anger and no more tricks of defiance up your sleeve. He wants to see you surrender.

He is not sure, but he thinks it is because you make him angry. Angry at the amount of influence you have over the body he used to think was his alone. How dare you drag the heat from his fingertips into his face and his core - how dare you make him writhe, how dare you make him remember the part of his creation he’d nearly forgotten, so mundane and useless had it seemed at the time it formed.

It is rigid and swollen, now, so different from how it usually appears. And it frustrates him to realize that he cannot escape this, that every thought of your face bowed beneath him only increases the power you have, spreading it to his hands and making them restless.

He lies naked when he is alone, because he likes watching his own chest rise and fall. He has all but forgotten that the breaths he takes are unnecessary. He watches now, watches the hand in front of his face - his hand - wrap around his cock, curious and unpracticed.

I would want her to deal with it, he decides, if she were here. His cock twitches as he rubs it in his fist, and your strange type of sorcery spreads to his mouth, forcing out an involuntary sigh.

It does feel better now, somehow more intense but at the very least under his control. I’d make her do this instead. His eyes flutter shut as he imagines it. He thinks you’d probably glare up at as you did it, your cheeks burning red, and he feels no shame about enjoying the sight. I’d let her go after. After…

After what? There is an end to this, he senses. An end that builds up slowly and then comes all at once. But it is too slow, and he wants it soon, wants to grasp at it before it has a chance to disappear.

How dare you make him so desperate? You’ll have to make up for it, and you’ll do it naked, just like he is. You’re no better than him, and you’ll realize it then, and you will try to avoid his gaze because you used to think you were. He lingers on this thought, imagining every detail of your body as it would appear, knelt on the ground before him, underneath him. All his to explore.

He’s thought about touching other bodies before. The thoughts had popped into his head, unbidden, and he’d called it curiosity. But it is more than that, he realizes. Another feeling entirely. Your body is different than his, and those differences are compelling. He wants to feel you, wants you to try to turn your head away as he does it, wants you flushed and shivering all at once. His cock twitches in his palm as he imagines making you sigh despite yourself, taking back the power you’ve stolen from him, squeezing your breasts and your hips and the softest parts of your thighs until you are panting just like him, not from the need for air but from another need entirely, chasing after a release that is far too slow in coming. Until you are even more helpless than he is right now.

Helpless. He cannot stop his hand from moving. Ripping it away now would be foolish, disastrous. He is barely thinking now, just enough to decide that he’ll punish you just as you try to apologize. He’ll stop you mid-sentence, push this thing into your stupid gaping mouth and make you taste what you’ve done to him. He can see it so wonderfully clearly, now. Slamming you down so far it hurts, make you choke until your hands are scrabbling against his thighs, silently begging for a relief that won’t come until he’s satisfied, drooling and gagging and crying -

Even that is not enough. You have something else, he knows, something made to fit him. Your mouth is a poor substitute, not enough to really make it feel better. So he’ll pin you to the floor. He’ll bare his teeth, grinning down at you, finally wrapping his hand not around himself but around your delicate throat, squeezing as you squirm helplessly underneath him. Will he have to force your legs open, he wonders, or are you as excited as he is, desperate enough to spread them yourself?

He can’t decide which one he’d prefer. Either way, in his head, you are warm and slick and tight, your stomach all folded up while your tits bounce, your hair spread wildly on the ground around you. And you can’t help but clench around him, you can’t help but let your mouth fall open and your eyes go fuzzy, your expression and the movement of your thighs and the wetness of your cunt coaxing him, pulling at him until he finally gets to feel what you’ve been teasing him with all this time. A trickle of drool spills from your lips, chased by the most perfect noise he’s ever heard -

He feels the end coming a second before it does. A strange tightening, a sudden swelling that gives way to a burst of warmth, uncoiling in his abdomen before spreading out across his body, surging underneath his skin and then forcing its way to the surface in viscous streaks, leaving only a pool on his stomach and faint glow behind his eyes. He lets his head fall back to the floor, clearing his hair from his face and letting it splay out behind him. He closes his eyes, folding his hands behind his head, staying perfectly still, a smile lingering on his face as even the afterglow fades away.

Only then does he look down at himself, cocking his head as he looks closer at the mess clinging to his stomach. He drags the tip of his index finger through the unfamiliar substance, sweeping some of it up. He raises up his hand, holding it not an inch from his face, grinning curiously as he watches it drip slowly from his nail. Without hesitating, he catches the droplet with his tongue, narrowing his eyes at the taste but swallowing it anyways, wondering if, had you been there, you might have used your tongue instead.

[firelxdykatara]

Reader anon here with a thought!

Do you like love triangles? I personally don't, there is something about them that is incredibly frustrating lol. Same thing for harems, though there are some that do it tastefully 😌 so I can't be too upset by them.

It honestly depends on the love triangle and the way the author writes all three relationships (and, for any genuine love triangle, there should be three relationships--they don't all need to be romantic, but there needs to be an existing and strong relationship between all three points on the triangle, otherwise I'm almost certain not to be at all invested), how they are presented, and what the narrative purpose of the love triangle is.

Ironically, one of the best examples of a love triangle done well (at least... to a certain point in the story, which I'll explain in a bit) happened in a television show that is fairly notorious for turning to utter shit in the latter four seasons and alienating pretty much the entire fanbase, to the point where most of us dipped well before the end and everyone celebrated news of the show's cancellation.

I'm talking about The Vampire Diaries.

(under a cut because i went on a LOOOONG ramble about tvd and why that love triangle worked initially and then why it failed, and then i talked a bit about another love triangle that was pretty weak and failed almost from the outset in OUAT but was ultimately axed in favor of the stronger relationship and character being given focus, and what all of this means for how i feel about love triangles in general)

While this is still very much a case where I only shipped one side of the triangle, hated the other, and couldn't wait for it to be resolved so that I wouldn't have to deal with the side I disliked any longer (the writing was on the wall as far back as season 1, no matter how in denial a certain portion of the fandom remained right up until the series finale) the development of the triangle itself and how it affected all three characters and their relationships with one another was done very well for most of the first four seasons. Damon and Stefan were brothers, with a bloody and complicated history and relationship, and they both fell in love with this human girl--Stefan almost instantly, because she looked just like Katherine and he found himself... (and here I'm going to be as fair as I possibly can to him, but if you want my full anti stelena rant I have many of them prepped and ready to go) following her, at first to make sure she wasn't Katherine, and then inserting himself into her life to protect her. Damon, on the other hand, took much longer, because he was still in love with (and trying to rescue) Katherine, and so when he did fall in love with Elena, it was because of who she was, not because of some idealized 'Not Katherine' pedestal he placed her on the instant he met her.

(I swear, I swear I'm trying to be fair to Stefan, it's just very hard.)

The thing is, Elena was in love with Stefan almost from the jump. (And one of the reasons I never really shipped stelena is because that kind of insta-love with very little conflict that isn't manufactured by the plot just isn't compelling for me, and I fully jumped ship about halfway through s1 when Damon and Elena took a road trip together. It's a long story, but that remains one of my favorite episodes in the entire show and it marks the beginning of their actual journey together.) Stefan showed up at a time when she desperately needed someone, and to his credit he did help her through her early depressive spiral--in large part because Elena's recent trauma (survivor's guilt due to her parents dying in a car crash from which she was the only survivor) meant that finding out Stefan was immortal and could not die and would not leave her resulted in her getting fiercely attached.

He was safe, he was stable, she could rely on him. But she could not grow with him, because for him, she was essentially a morality pet/the anchor to his humanity, and that meant that he could not accept when she began to grow out of her need for him. The fact that this coincided with her becoming a vampire only made things worse--because she settled into being a vampire much more easily with far less strife than he'd ever managed, and an Elena who enjoyed being a vampire in ways Stefan simply couldn't could no longer function as the idealized reminder of humanity he was desperate to cling to.

Damon, on the other hand, was the one who fell in love with Elena--not Not Katherine. He never put her on a pedestal, he never asked more of her than she could give him--when he realized how deep his feelings for her ran, he made her forget his confession because he knew he did not deserve her and he didn't want her burdened with his feelings when she was still in love with his brother and was always going to be. Elena's growing feelings for Damon coincided with her growth from a depressed and suicidal teenage girl into a young woman who began to realize that it was ok to want things for herself--to be a little selfish, to take what she wanted, to admit what she wanted. And, again, the fact that this coincided with her transformation into a vampire (although her growth within her relationship with Damon began well before that), meant that Damon's reaction to Elena-as-a-vampire was thrown into sharp relief against Stefan's--because he accepted her where his brother couldn't.

Ultimately, this led to Elena fully outgrowing her feelings for Stefan, and accepting, nurturing, and reveling in her feelings for Damon. The triangle was resolved, all three characters had growth separately and in their different relationships, and they could then move on from there along their different paths. Stefan could have had some truly excellent character growth involving moving on and finally living for himself rather than trying so hard to be this perfect brooding tortured vampire because he was the Good Brother, since there was no longer any need for that Good Brother/Bad Brother dichotomy. They'd both grown past it, as characters individually and as brothers together.

Unfortunately, where TVD ultimately failed (and this coincided with the way the show utterly lost the plot in terms of storylines, character arcs and cohesiveness and became an unsalvageable mess) is in refusing to let the love triangle die.

What should have happened is that once the love triangle was resolved--Elena growing as a character and moving on from her immature first love and fully embracing her feelings, as an adult, for her much more adult relationship with Damon--they abandoned the love triangle premise and let all three characters continue to grow outside of it. Damon and Elena should have been allowed to grow together and explore their relationship, Stefan to figure out where he still fit in their lives--as Damon’s brother, and one of Elena’s closest friends who she still loved dearly even though she was no longer in love with him--and then explore relationships of his own outside their family unit as he finally began to fully move on and grow out of his own overly idealized feelings for Elena.

Instead, what wound up happening is that the stelena side of the love triangle kept being teased--probably to keep the avid stelena shipping contingent invested in the story, hoping for ‘another brother swap’ as was lampshaded in one of Nina’s final episodes before she left the show (and, indeed, many of them remained utterly convinced that stelena would be endgame, right up until the series finale)--and rather than growing together, delena fans were constantly hit over the head with how ‘toxic’ Damon and Elena were for each other (even though this ran contrary to everything we’d seen in the show to that point, including having Damon regress repeatedly for, presumably, no reason other than to never let fans forget he was the Bad Brother and always would be, and Elena just couldn’t help but love him anyway), and all three characters and their relationships wound up suffering horribly for it.

That is an example of a love triangle that had a very promising foundation and development, right up through what should have been a resolution, and the reason it is generally looked on so unfavorably in fandom circles is because the show refused to move on from the triangle organically when the story needed it to, because it had already served its purpose.

For an example of a love triangle that, in my mind, simply didn’t work from the very beginning, I’d say my go-to example is from Once Upon a Time--the short-lived love triangle between Emma, Killian, and Neal. I think the first stumbling block there was that there weren’t really three relationships that mattered. Technically, Killian did have a connection to Neal--because they’d met in Neverland, prior to Neal remaining in the Land Without magic--but it functioned more as a backdrop to explain why Killian knew him when they got to Neverland again in the story, and why Neal didn’t trust him. It wasn’t actually developed as anything outside of that brief flashback, and they didn’t have any connection in the present outside of one episode where they essentially fought over Emma and she (rightly) got angry at them for it. There was no real exploration of who they were to each other outside of the fact that both of them had feelings for Emma, so it really was just one woman torn between her feelings for two different men, and with no real stakes attached to her choice.

The other problem with this particular triangle is that one side of it was... conspicuously weak. While Emma’d had a full season and a half worth of interactions and development with Killian--where they went from enemies, to grudging allies, to Killian openly acknowledging that he hadn’t ever believed he would be able to love again until he met Emma--she had... very little to support her potential relationship with Neal outside of their history. History which consisted of then-young-adult Neal knocking up underage Emma (she was 17 at the oldest because she was still in Juvie when Henry was born, and he was already ten years old the day she turned 28; so she was either 16 or very newly 17 when she got pregnant) and ensuring that she got sent to prison for his own crime, at which point he didn’t see her again until she was nearly 30. When he did see her again, he treated her incredibly poorly, up to and including getting angry at her about the fact that she didn’t tell him that Henry was his son--even though he had no right to that information, because Emma was in prison because of him at the time she found out, and she had no clue that he was in any way connected to the Fairy Tale world until she was helping Mr. Gold track down his son and it turned out to be Neal.

A big point is made, throughout the early seasons especially, about Emma’s walls and how much difficulty she has trusting people--and a great deal of that stemmed from Neal’s betrayal. This could have been the foundation for a story of healing and growth and two people coming back together--however, with the way Neal treats Emma in the present and how little closure she actually gets for what he did to her in the past, it comes across more as ‘well, she never did get over her feelings for him, so maybe he still has a shot even though she has no real reason to want to be with him now’.

Killian, on the other hand, never doubted Emma’s abilities and always had the utmost trust in and respect for her (after they became allies), and it was obvious that this is something Emma experienced very little of in her life. It’s notable that the first episode where they really interacted is the one in which Emma’s history with Neal is revealed, and it very deliberately paralleled and contrasted with her interactions with Killian. This already presented him with a leg up on the love triangle once Neal did show up, because Neal was the reason for a lot of the walls Emma had built around her heart, and it wasn’t until meeting Killian that she finally began to let some of them down.

I think that the show recognized this, and it pulled something that is actually a very frustrating pet peeve of mine--rather than write out the story that makes sense and have the main point of the love triangle make a choice and stick to it, the third point of the triad was simply written out. In this case, Neal essentially killed himself via his own stupidity, allowing Emma to angst about losing him without actually having to tell him she wasn’t in love with him and wasn’t going to choose him. (Veronica Mars pulled something very similar with the Logan/Veronica/Duncian triangle in season 2--rather than admit within the narrative that her relationship with Duncan was built on flimsy feelings of infatuation bc of their history, and a ‘stability’ that didn’t really work for who Veronica was at her core, he simply got written out of the story, running away for Plot Reasons and never forcing Veronica to confront the fact that she wasn’t actually in love with him and hadn’t been for quite some time.)

I think that in OUaT, the love triangle could have worked if a relationship between Killian and Neal was not only established in the past but developed in the present--Killian was in love with Neal’s mother centuries earlier, and something I’m actually really upset we never got is the two of them talking about Milah and maybe Neal getting some closure for his mother’s abandonment and someone apologizing to him for what they put Baelfire through as a child--giving stakes to Emma’s choice beyond ‘one of them will be all uwu sad that he wasn’t picked’. It also would have worked much better if we were given any reason for Emma to still have feelings for Neal in the present beyond the history they shared, which caused Emma nothing but pain for the last decade and change. If Neal had treated her more fairly--if he’d treated her like someone he actually cared about and even still loved, rather than blaming her for things that were his own fault and undermining her belief in her own abilities, among other things--then their relationship might have been strong enough to stand on its own opposite Emma’s relationship with Killian. I don’t think it ever would’ve been a relationship that appealed to me, personally, but then I could have at least enjoyed watching the three of them grow together and seeing all of their relationships grow and change.

So, ultimately, TL;DR: I do like love triangles, conceptually, but there are a few requirements they must meet for me to feel anything other than irritated at the inclusion. One: there must be at least three equally important relationships between the three characters. If it’s just one character torn between her (or his, but it’s usually a woman) feelings for two unrelated people, that can be compelling for a short time but ultimately I’m going to be left feeling frustrated by her refusal to just make a damn choice and put me out of my misery. Two: there should be some sort of development in each relationship which makes the presence of the triangle narratively significant. Why is it important for one character to have conflicting romantic feelings for these two other people at the same time? What purpose does it serve either their character arcs or the story as a whole? While I am both a Bangel and a Spuffy shipper, I’ve never considered Angel/Buffy/Spike to be a love triangle--they are very different relationships that she had at very different points in her life, and while her feelings for Angel never really went away (and do cause some angst for Spike near the end of btvs) they are never really competing for her affections in any meaningful sense. If that competition does exist, there needs to be a compelling reason why. And, as a further addendum to this point, I need to at least understand why the main point of the triangle is invested in each relationship, even if I don’t ship it and actively dislike or even outright hate one side of the triangle. (I loathe stelena, but I’ve always understood why Elena was in love with him in the beginning of the show, for example. And before s5/s6, I was really pleased with how the show handled her feelings for him and finally allowed her to grow and move on from them.)

And finally, three: the triangle needs to be resolved at some point--and, when it is, it needs to stay that way. Where TVD ultimately lost me (aside from the ridiculous plot contrivances and rampant character assassination) was the refusal to let the love triangle die a natural death when it is what the story called for, and all three of their characters, their relationships, and the show as a whole suffered massively for it. So, when the primary point of the triangle makes a choice--particularly if she had made one choice in the beginning of the story, but it was clear that she was ultimately moving towards choosing the other side as she grew and her feelings and relationships grew and changed with her--let that be the end of it. Move on to exploring what that choice means for the main pair and the party not chosen, sure--maybe explore their feelings about not being chosen and how that affects their relationships with both of the others afterwards--but don’t constantly tease the possibility of the ‘losing side’ getting back together just to keep shippers invested. It’s only going to hurt your show and make everyone look callous and stupid.

Alternately, a final possibility: make it an ot3 instead. But again, if the other three conditions aren’t met (particularly number two, and its addendum; if I don’t understand why the main point of the triangle is in love with both other points, an ot3 is unlikely to resolve that issue and I’m only going to wind up resenting it), then this won’t work, because it’s just going to wind up a lopsided and stilted mess of a relationship that leaves me wishing the offending point of the triangle had been killed off just so I wouldn’t have to keep hearing about them.

[feralcherry]

Naruto takes that might enrage you (girl addition)

Warning, some of these takes might enrage you- that’s fine.

Fillers don’t count as canon, don’t even bring them up if you talk about this post lol. Also it’s been a while since I’ve seen the whole series, so some of these might be disproven as I continue with my rewatch. The excuse that Shounen is for boys is also very weak and holds no weight, as tons of girls (and nonbinary folk) relate to the characters in this show, so that doesn’t excuse Kishimoto for his weak writing of women.

To preface, I love this show. Love it to pieces. It was part of my childhood and holds a very special place in my heart. But there are some things I personally don’t like or wish could have been done better. I love every character and will go blue in the face talking about how much I still love this show. That doesn’t free it from my criticism. I’m also only listing what I don’t like and what I would change, though I’d be more than happy making a post about what I loved.

Let’s start off with my girl Sakura Haruno. She is easily the most hated girl in the series, and all because of how ‘weak’ or ‘annoying’ she is. As if that’s not the fault of Kishimoto himself lol. She was shoved off to the side continuously and never given cool storylines, unlike the other members of her team.

What I took issue with about Sakura:

-What were this girls dreams?? The whole reason she became a ninja was never really talked about nor were they really developed as time went on. She was all about Sasuke, which would be fine if she grew out of it. But no. 

-Her crush on Sasuke was super stale. He was handsome and powerful, but what else was there to him? He was a jerk to her most of the time (there are some instances he’s somewhat kind to her, but if we go off canon, it’s not enough to make her deep love make sense). I think it would have been so much more interesting to see her grow out of her infatuation for him. If they had to have ended up together, watching them relearn each other and fall in love would have made them more compelling. She stayed loving a boy who thought very little of her. 

-She’s pitted against her best friend and doesn’t develop much of a relationship with other girls her age. It’s kind of sad, and I think they should have fought over something other than a boy. 

-We are told repeatedly that she’s super powerful by other characters, but she’s never given time to truly shine. She got like a single battle with Sasori and she deserved more cool moments like that!

-She was a healer, which makes perfect sense. But why is it mostly girls who are the healers? It’s a bit weird, when there’s also Neji with his perfect chakra control. She only has her healing abilities and her super strength; but even then someone like Kabuto has more offensive healing based techniques than her. Like his chakra scalpel. 

What I would fix:

-New dreams. Show her find a dream outside of her team and grow into it. Also give her more of a backstory. Sai has more of a backstory than she does and he’s way newer than she is.

-I would let her fuck up one of the Peins instead of Konohomaru- she’s a main character and passed over for that little brat?? She should have gotten to do more than scream out for Naruto and heal people :/ 

-She her intellect a bit more. She’s so smart, and yet we don’t really see it.

-She’s perfect for genjutsu, Kakashi himself said so. So why not give that to her? Or play more with ninjutsu. She has earth and water on her chart, so why not give her those abilities? Maybe even wood jutsu to even her out with her super OP teammates. Idk how, it could have happened, this is a show full of demons and god like abilities, it could have happened someway.

-She should have grown out of Sasuke and not married a man who doesn’t really appreciate her and isn’t there for her at all.

-I would totally have expanded on Inner Sakura more. Imagine if it made her mind impenetrable? Could have woven that in with her skills for genjutsu and made her unaffected by other’s illusions.

Next, let’s go with a more beloved character of the fandom. Hinata. Now personally I don’t care much for her- she could have been so cool but just like Sakura, they kind of messed her up.

What I didn’t like about Hinata:

-Her entire existence is revolves around Naruto. Naruto this, Naruto that- and yet she simply sat back and watched as his life was shit and did nothing despite her ‘love’ for him. And then fillers/movies are added to show that oh wait! she’s been there this entire time!! no lol. Build her up from the start as his love interest at the very least.

-She stayed super meek the entire time. Shy girls are okay, but I wanted to see her grow into herself more and not need as much reassurance. She’s a ninja and should stand on her own two feet more.

-She’s less skilled then Neji and I would have loved to see her outmatch him at some point, even once. Or gain abilities outside of her clan, or do something that made a name for herself outside of being the heiress of the Hyuga.

-She never fixed her clan which was one of her few spoken goals. That was a huge bummer.

-I think it would have been cool to see her mess up Pein a little more. She only stepped in because it was Naruto, which reinforces that she’s only about him. But at least let her land a hit if she’s as powerful as people say she is. 

-She makes the most sense to be a housewife or a healer with the way her attitude is but in Boruto, she’s kind of rewritten to be a ‘scary’ mother which just doesn’t fit her. Plus, she tells Boruto to go and take care of his dad?? Bro, that’s your child and your husband is the hokage. 

What I’d fix:

-Prove her dad wrong and show him that her compassion isn’t a weakness but a strength. 

-Fix the Hyuga clan bs.

-More character growth and showing more of her life away from Naruto. Her romance with him could also have been better. I hated her always watching him but never standing up for him, it kills me.

-Neij dying for her proved their clans hierarchy bs to be right and it just doesn’t make sense for him to die for her. It showed that he was right to feel caged and that he simply existed for the benefit of the Main family.

Now with the others, there’s much less I have to say about them because they aren’t main characters or the love interests.

Ino-

-Jealous of Sakura, no dreams of her own, stupidly loves Sasuke and for what? WHAT’S SO COOL ABOUT HIM?

-I like her growth for the most part, it was cool watching her fight in the War Arc with her team. 

-Why is she the medical ninja? I never got that.

-She got with Sai but they didn’t really show their development and how they fell in love with each other. It’s like she only likes him because he looks like Sasuke and called her pretty once.

Tenten-

-Should have gotten to train with Tsunade at some point, since she was the one who originally idolized her. 

-We know nothing about this girl at all. She doesn’t even have a last name.

-Her weapon usage was meant to be so cool and yet she missed so often- there’s a disconnect there. Her abilities could have been built up more. Imagine if no matter what she never ever missed. That would have been cool.

-Her weapon shop isn’t doing well. Just because it’s an era of peace doesn’t mean the need for weapons is totally over, not if there are still active ninja??

Karin-

-I actually like her, she’s kind of funny and I like that she’s mean even if she can get annoying.

-Again, another healer, though she’s also sensory which is more interesting. I’d like to see her with some jutsus though. That would have been neat.

-Her love for Sasuke makes sense since he saved her and smiled at her, making her think of him as her hero. And she’s the only one he apologizes to without Naruto strong arming him into it.

Temari-

-She’s pretty solid in my opinion. Though I would have loved to see her more without her brothers.

Konan-

-Her goals in life were to support Yahiko and Nagito’s dreams. It would irritate me so much if other girls in the series were more well rounded and din’t also have some sort of dream involving a boy.

-She was underused. I would have loved to see her fight more.

Tsunade-

-Only becomes hokage to support others dreams...All of them men. And then later passes the title onto Kakashi who doesn’t even want to be Hokage either. 

-No other justus used, she’s on par with Jiraya and Orochimaru and yet she’s only super strong and the best medic. She should theoretically be more well rounded than that, right? She also should be shown fighting more even if she’s a medic, she’s also s legendary sannin 

-Had to be saved by 12 year old Naruto. I know it’s a show about him, but she’s meant to be a literal badass but needs a kid to save her.

Kushina-

-Wanted to become the first woman hokage and then didn’t. Her husband did. and then she became a housewife?? What?? She should have become the first woman hokage with a badass husband or had another prominent role in the village like as a council member or something.

Kurenai-

-Always lost a fight? She’s some genjutsu using badass but always lost fights.

-No real personality, she’s just chilling there. Sexy as hell though. Has a kid and that’s about it.

-What I will give her is that I’m so glad she was allowed to age. So many anime mothers always look the same as their teenage self and she looks like she can be anybody's mama.

Over all, the girls could have been handled much better. I wouldn’t find issues with any of them being housewives or all about boys if that weren’t what seems to be the standard in the anime. I just wanted more of a variety and better character development, especially for Sakura and Hinata who are the mains 😩

Now to what might REALLY piss people off- ships! I’m not trying to start some war here, this is just my opinion and you can take it or leave it.

Sakura- Naruto, since they had the most development and showed more than two seconds of caring for each other. Even Sai in Shippuden has more of a connection to Sakura than Sasuke did.

Ino-Shikamaru, if she had to end up with a guy it makes sense it’d be him since they spend more time together than her and Sai did. (inosaku for the win tho)

Hinata-Shino or Kiba, again, because they spent more time with her. Naruto and her felt very rushed and I don’t quite understand the appeal.

The one that made the most sense and became canon was Shikatem, though their son’s design was lazy :D 

If I do a second part, it’ll be about the boys and the ships with them that made sense to me. For now, this is all I have. If you’ve made it this far, thank you lol

byeee

[yukiwrites]

Sothis, Loathing

Thank you so much for the support as always, @xpegasusuniverse​! I hope you like it!

Summary: In Askr, there were many stories of Heroes who had fought against Dragons of Destructions back in their own worlds, to the point that at least one out of three people had come from a world threatened by an evil dragon. Sothis felt the presence of one tailing her as she and Byleth went to look into their circumstances...

Commission info HERE and HERE!

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Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Having a physical body was more exhausting than Sothis remembered; if she had any memories at all, though.

Not counting the pesky Golden Deer poking at her patience at every waking moment, there was also the issue of walking with your own two feet to move from place to place. Never would Sothis think that she would’ve preferred to be a non corporeal being if it meant never having to stomp her bare foot on the cold stone again.

Of course, it wasn’t as though she actually had to stomp on the floor, but not stomping wasn’t an option, especially whenever she felt irritated, so the goddess could always be seen wearing a scowl unbefitting of her small stature. She crossed her arms as she and Byleth headed to the library as it had been their custom for the past few days.

Commander Anna and the Summoner had made it seen through their actions that the books in Anna’s office weren’t privy to the heroes, so it fell on Byleth and Sothis themselves to research their circumstances. Unexpectedly enough, there were many books that hailed from Fódlan in that strange, almost mystical, library. It looked like the size of a small room from the outside, but spammed rows and more rows of bookcases as though they headed ad infinitum.

Once they entered, Byleth immediately made eye contact with Robin, the ylissean tactician.

“Oh, Byleth. Reading again today?” The white-haired man smiled politely, nodding to his fellow researcher.

“Yes. Literature from my own world hasn’t been helpful so I wanted to broaden my scope.” The Professor replied with a business-like tone, making Robin nod in agreement.

“Mhm, mhm. I, too, read many books from other worlds while looking into my own, so I can give you a few recommendations if you want?”

“That sounds wonderful.” Byleth concurred, stealing a glance at Sothis as though she was a child getting in the way of adult’s talk.

She squinted once their eyes met, as though she could read his thoughts. “Even if I possess a physical body at the moment, it does not mean that our shared mindscape is empty, you fool.” 

Perhaps it was because Sothis was a non corporeal being from the start, but Byleth found it difficult to access their mindscape once they reached Askr, so hearing her confirm that she had access to his thoughts to some degree only made his smile grow.

He patted Sothis on the head as he chatted away with Robin, picking up the tactician’s suggested books before heading to an empty table. The three of them sat there -- Byleth and Sothis on one side with Robin opposite of them -- as they discussed the similar topics of their worlds as well as other interesting connections.

Robin tried to insert Sothis into the conversation from time to time as well, but she only rolled her eyes and pretended not to hear him, wanting to have nothing to do with a conversation borne out of pity.

It’s here again, Sothis thought with annoyance as she felt a piercing gaze burn a hole at the back of her neck,. She had felt someone observing her movements the day after they had arrived, wondering what they could possibly want from a goddess that’s probably not even the one they had in their world.

Narrowing her eyes, Sothis looked back from her seat, seeing the tips of a fluttering cape -- or cloak -- disappear behind a large bookshelf.

She then jumped onto the floor from the tall chair, landing without a sound as Byleth checked on her with the corner of his eyes. She tapped on his hand before leaving, as though signaling him that she would be close.

Nodding, Byleth simply let her do as she pleased and kept talking with Robin.

The only sound following Sothis was the low hiss of her long dress dragging behind her calm yet rushed steps towards that revolting presence she had felt observe her.

The moment she reached the bookshelf, she crossed her arms and tilted her head to the side, most likely to make herself sound imposing although she could barely reach people’s chests with her short height.

“State your business at once.” Sothis commanded with the authority of a goddess towards the malevolent aura that surrounded the man Sothis had just been with back at the table: the presence wore Robin’s face and body like a cloak.

“... Why are you so chummy with your vessel?” Grima’s distorted voice sounded from deep within Robin’s throat, making Sothis narrow her eyes even more at the disturbing question. Sothis stole a glance at the table, confirming that Robin and Byleth were still chatting away.

“You are not making any sense. Vessel?” She turned her gaze to this revolting individual.

Grima, who had been slouching by the bookcase, stood straight as his scrutinizing gaze observed the little girl in front of him. “I have been watching you and your vessel for the past few days, but it is truly an incomprehensible sight, so I’ve had no choice but to ask. Why are you forming bonds with him when all you’ll do is overlap his ego with yours?”

Sothis’s eyes shook and she almost forgot how to breathe. “What manner of nonsense are you speaking of right now? It is indeed true that we are here in search of ways to separate ourselves but- for me to take over a body that isn’t mine?”

The man surrounded in a dark aura took one hand to his chin in thought as he observed the girl in silence. After a few seconds, his eyes slowly widened as though he had come to a conclusion. “You truly have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?”

“Enough with this play with words!” Sothis seethed, somehow remembering to keep her voice down despite stomping her foot hard on the wooden floor.

Shaking his head, Grima peeked at the direction of the table, watching as another vessel that was made specifically for him laughed as though his future wasn’t set in stone. He slowly opened his mouth to speak. “I, too, suffered from memory loss after taking over this body -- I still have gaps in my memory, so I’ll let you in on a good piece of information, from one god to the other: that man you’re so attached with, he’s even more twisted than this flesh I wear.” Grima placed one hand over his own chest. “You managed to make a meat-puppet that was capable of thought while infusing him with your own power as his center.”

Everything Grima said flew right over Sothis’ head, making the girl blink in confusion. However, Grima continued.

“For me to be able to inhabit this body, I had to wait a millennia for the right vessel to be born. Countless years I waited for the right combination of blood and darkness to gather in a human so I could wear him to unleash my power to the world.” Grima spoke nonchalantly, as though they were talking a stroll. A devious smirk grew on the corners of his mouth. “But this? You managed to accurately craft a jar of flesh and blood with the minimum of free will necessary to make your take over as smooth as possible. It is inspiring -- perhaps the next body I inhabit will be crafted to perfection just so I don’t have to deal with that buzzing ego that never seems to go away.”

The tips of Sothis’ fingers grew cold at the sheer absurdity of what she was hearing. Her heart beat wildly inside her chest -- something that would be impossible were it not for Askr’s magic -- which also made her recall some long lost memories.

They were simple glimpses of what once was, and immediately disappeared from her memory as she grasped them, like dust to the wind. She felt like the darkness of those who live under the ground was shaking her very being into remembering something vital to her sense of self.

Each time she saw it, she forgot it immediately. Only the vague and unsettling sense of foreboding engulfed her like a wave.

“Do not-” her voice shook, “do not compare me to servants of the darkness like you filth!” Sothis’ shoulders trembled, though not by fear nor self-preservation.

She was angry.

She was furious.

That entire speech hit her the wrong way, making the girl want to stomp on that bug who wore Robin’s face.

Grima, however, threw his head back in a low, mocking chuckle. “Servant? I am the lord. Wherever I step, darkness follows.” His sharp gaze pierced into hers, as though they shared a battle of wills.

That made Sothis open and close her fists lest she used the draconic power inside of her to obliterate that lowly being that dared to suggest that she- that she did something so inhumane!

“Besides, it is fruitless to direct your anger at me; the deed is done and the meat-puppet grew into a fine specimen ready for the overtaking.” Grima pointed at Byleth’s back, accurately pointing to the place where his heart would be. “The center of your power is there, you need simply to call upon it.”

Angry as she might’ve been, Sothis felt compelled to look at the direction the finger was pointing. She gasped once she noticed something she had never paid attention to before.

Perhaps it was because she and Byleth had shared the same body, so it was a different issue to be able to pinpoint something within one’s shared body and when looking from the outside. Sothis could see that Grima’s finger pointed straight to the center of Byleth’s body; to the place that his heart should’ve occupied.

She felt a power akin to her own in there -- no, it wasn’t merely ‘akin’, but identical! She could feel as though a piece of herself was there, right inside Byleth’s heart.

Or perhaps, it was there in place of his heart, as the core of his entire being.

When had she left that power there? Was it the reason why Byleth had been so apathetic the first time they met?

Loathe as she was to trust Grima’s words, Sothis couldn’t help but feel that what he had said was true: Byleth barely had had an ego before he started teaching. He also had the power of a god sleeping inside of him.

Perhaps the anomaly in this case was Sothis appearing in his mind instead of overtaking his body right away as Grima suggested.

She had heard about Grima from Robin during their constant meetings in the library, so Sothis was aware of how a god could descend onto a human being of their choice -- but to think that Byleth seemed like a fabricated being that would only serve as her medium to the world?

That felt wrong. No, that felt terrible.

Was Sothis this kind of person before she lost her memories? Someone so terribly calculating that they would make an entire new body from scratch and imbue it with some power before being allowed to take over it once the time came?

Sothis was confused.

She felt repulsed by Grima’s acts, but since there was not much for her to go on regarding her and Byleth’s situations since it all already happened, there was nothing Sothis could do apart from keep on researching.

Robin wasn’t even the only proof of a god descending on a human’s body in this world, either, so the more Sothis thought about it, the more sense Grima’s words made. But she refused to even think that he could have been right at some point, not wanting her own self to be someone she loathed.

Noticing the horror in the girl’s eyes, Grima simply took a few steps back to hide beneath the shadows, ever observing these new players that had come to this immense play that was the world Askr.

[coeurdastronaute]

Essays in Existentialism: Polo 3

Previously on Polo

The sun was glaring; absolutely murdering the entirety of the world in the noontime shine of a clear day in the early spring. The heat couldn’t come just yet, still not allowed due to larger forces like the tilt of the planet and the distinct absence of a certain player, yet to be seen despite a not-so-covert glance at the pitch during warm ups. The entire event was going to be the largest of its kind, and it was like the world knew it, opening itself up and shining all of the kindest wishes on the sport, as a large herd of watchers made their way to find a place to watch. 

The tents were stocked with alcohol and snacks, people in hats and those who were there because they were supposed to be. But along the pitch, bleachers filled up with anyone who wanted to watch, creating an atmosphere of joy and excitement that’d been lacking at the private matches. 

There really wasn’t a reason to be there. Clarke had more than fulfilled her daughterly duty for the entire year with her increasingly frequent showings at events for both of her parents. She chalked it up to growth, and becoming a better person, to make an effort, to try her best to show her mother that she was happy for her, and to prove to her father that she was deserving of her name, even if that meant trudging through society things in lieu of his wife. 

But seeing as Kane’s opening of the Gauntlet of Polo opening day party was not her mother’s, nor was it something she felt compelled to do to represent her father, Clarke had no true reason to go other than because Kane was nice enough to invite her, and she truly had nothing else to do. 

“So where’s the hot polo playing Argentinian underwear model who recites you poetry and fucks you in stables?” 

Clarke grit her teeth before sighing and shaking her head, giving her best friend a look that should equal death, if she’d been luckier. 

“What?” Raven shrugged. “I want to get a good look at the girl that convinced you to be okay with your parents divorce. I’m sure there are over-paid therapists who would kill to know how to do it.” 

“She didn’t--”

“And made you nicer in general to your parents. And me. And your life is less chaotic now-- I’ve noticed you are volunteering. That must be some of the worlds most powerful puss--”

“Kane! Mom!” Clarke interrupted her friend’s tangent, thankfulness apparent in her voice as she found the host and hostess. 

Her mother was always beautiful, but Clarke began to see how much nicer happiness looked on her, and as much as she claimed to always love her father, there was a girlish spark that came when Abby was near Marcus. It took Clarke long enough to put aside her feelings to see it, but when she did, she couldn’t have been happier, despite the occasional bitterness about what was lost. It was Lexa’s stupid notions of love that messed with her brain and her ability to hold a grudge. 

There’d been a truce between herself and Kane, reached gently and treated very cautiously, but still, it remained. She had dinner with them just a week ago when they were in the city, and it wasn’t entirely painful. As much as she wanted to dislike Marcus Kane, she couldn’t bring herself to do it because he was just… nice. And he made Abby smile in a way that Clarke didn’t realize she hadn’t seen in a while. 

The real benefit of all of this love and joy being that while Abby got to live her best truth, it meant less comments about Clarke’s “wasted potential,” and there was a bigger focus on her art, which led to less stress with their average communications. 

“Oh, honey you made it,” Abby smiled and hugged her daughter, kissing her cheek quickly, squeezing her shoulders. “I didn’t think we’d find you in all this.” 

“Believe it or not,” Clarke explained as she accepted a quick hug from her mother’s boyfriend. “It’s easy to find the guy who owns a team in a tournament sponsored by his company.” 

“I’ve been looking and couldn’t find you.” 

“I took Raven to see the ponies.” 

“Look at that,” Kane grinned. “She’s using proper jargon already.” 

“Clarke’s given me a quick rundown, but I don’t know if I trust her expertise yet,” Raven offered after all pleasantries were exchanged. “Care to teach me, Kane?” 

“The more the merrier,” he smiled wider, like a kid in a candy store, surrounded by people who wanted to listen to him explain his favorite sport. “We better go find a good spot. It’ll start soon.” 

Raven turned and gave Clarke a wry grin before linking her arm with Kane’s as she maneuvered them through the crowd. Clarke let her mother squeeze her and follow along a few steps behind. 

“It means a lot that you’ve tried to take an interest in something that Marcus finds important,” Abby offered as they meandered along. 

“Just a good reason to be outside, and Raven loves selling rich people her programs and things,” Clarke dismissed her effort for anything benevolent as she grabbed a flute of champagne gratefully. “I’m fairly certain that’s the only reason she keeps me around.” 

“Whatever the reason. It means a lot to me. I know it wasn’t easy to find out--”

“We don’t have to do this.” 

“I know,” Abby relented. “You just never cease to amaze me is all. Marcus is important to me, and you’ve taken the time to get to know him, just like I’m sure you would when your father starts--”

“Dad won’t date anyone else.” 

The words came out a little bit too harsh, and Clarke wasn’t sure why she felt so protective of her father’s refusal to get over a broken heart. 

“He will eventually, and believe it or not, no matter how he feels about Marcus and even me right now, seeing you be open to our happiness will make it easier.” 

“I guess I’m just a saint.” 

It was meant to be a joke, but Clarke felt suddenly a little guilty. They took their seats beside Kane and Raven, and Clarke looked out on the pitch, wondering if she would be there at all if it hadn’t been for the oddest addiction she somehow developed for a stupid girl who argued with her every time she saw her. 

She might not even get to see Lexa today. She might only see her on the pitch. And would that be a waste? Should she think about this perfect stranger as often as she did and look forward to this stupid even for the past three weeks? Was she proving Lexa’s points right about lust and love and soulmates? Did she believe in something like soulmates? How could she? And what did it matter. Wasn’t this a lot to do just for sex? Very, very, very good sex, but still--

“You’re not zoning out already, are you, Clarke?” Kane smiled and waved his hand in front of her face, bringing her back to reality. 

“Just listening, making sure I remember everything.” 

Raven gave her a look. 

“Now tell me about your team. Clarke was telling me all about how skilled the one… what was her name?” 

“Lexa,” Kane offered excitedly, before Clarke could bring herself to utter the name. “She is incredibly skilled. I’ve never seen someone ride with such passion. She is so fluid, covering everything, seeing plays before they happen. And she’s got this passion in her blood for the sport. She hits hard, and takes a licking-- Are you okay?” 

Only when Kane stopped talking did Clarke realize she’d spilled her glass, letting it tilt back toward her chest as she remembered exactly how passionate and fluid and licking that Lexa had been. The cool liquid froze her chest, dripping down her front as she hurried to pat it dry. 

“Fine, fine. I wasn’t paying attention.” 

“Off in another world,” he offered politely. 

“This girl has her head in the stables,” Raven joked, though only Clarke understood it. “I get now why Clarke’s so passionate about those ponies. You are a hell of a salesman, Kane.” 

“This is something that costs me money. Imagine what I can do with something I want to make money off of.” 

They shared a laugh and Clarke joined in, only half paying attention as the team was announced and she caught the now familiar jerseys making their way to the center for the start of the match. 

There was an air to the polo player, helmet on, stoic and sitting tall as she stood beside her fellow teammates, her horse still as she was. Lexa listened politely to the anthem, she listened to the announcer, but she didn’t move more than necessary. It was by a stroke of luck that she found Clarke in the crowd, though Clarke wouldn’t agree anything was lucky about it, because now she had to sit in the stands after getting the full weight of Lexa’s glance. Only slightly did Clarke notice the pull of one corner of Lexa’s mouth and the fire behind her eyes. It made her gulp. 

Lexa didn’t look away the entire time and neither did Clarke. She didn’t have to say anything. They both knew. 

XXXXXXXXXX

It was an actual match, and a hard fought one to begin the Gauntlet that would last the next few months, and Lexa ached in the most delicious kind of ways after the win. Over the next week she’d have to win five more to hoist the first cup, collect the first purse, and move onward in hopes of completing the perfect Gauntlet, winning all three cups, and collecting the bonus purse that would triple her yearly income. 

No pressure at all when trying to impress a girl who was set to inherit billions. With a B. 

Showered and cleaned up, Lexa made it to the crowds in time to catch part of the second match. The sun was dimming, fading into the trees, giving a bit of a sunset despite the lights that shined over the pitch. It was a perfect evening for polo, and Lexa felt it, still riding the high of her win and feeling the limitless possibility of the next few months. 

It didn’t hurt that she caught a certain girl’s eyes before it started and put on a show. No, Lexa didn’t think about that at all. 

There was absolutely no way she had a chance with someone like Clarke, prize purse be damned. Lexa was the person who got a taste-- who was used for the pleasure of someone who had other responsibilities. In all of her dealings with people like Kane, with people like Clarke, she knew she was an interloper; destined to be a tagalong, someone who was never quite part of their world. Those were the things that she thought about after that momentary rush of seeing Clarke-- an intense loss at never having her completely. 

She didn’t look for Clarke in the tent with the other donors because she could feel her. It would take her a moment to get back to being okay with being a plaything. It had its perks, and it wasn’t the worst thing in the world, to be someone who only got a taste when that taste was delicious. Lexa was okay with the being just a fling, if only her heart would listen and not get in over its head. 

“You, in that dress,” Lexa whispered as she approached a bare back, the navy blue of the dress, dipping along spine, hanging on shoulders. “Has all of my attention.” 

“Are you sure?” 

Lexa half-smiled and grabbed a flute of champagne, handing it to the woman beside her before taking one for herself. Only then did she allow herself to look at Clarke, meeting blue eyes and lips she desperately wanted to kiss already, after exactly one second of being within her orbit. 

“It’s becoming a problem, princess. You look too distracting in everything.” 

“Maybe you should stop looking?” 

“Would you like me to stop?” 

With her words, Lexa shifted closer, and Clarke felt it. Their bodies moved around, hovering and refusing to touch though desperately wanting to feel the next. Clarke licked her lips and looked up from beneath her lashes while Lexa looked over her cheekbones as she took a sip and played with the stem of her glass. 

“It’s been three weeks. You didn’t try to find me?” 

“I’ve been busy training,” Lexa tried, unsure of if she was supposed to find Clarke. She never knew it was an option. “And I didn’t… Three weeks, and were you preparing for a Gauntlet?” 

“You were the one that was trying to convince me to fall in love with you.” 

“Or lust.” 

“Right, or lust,” Clarke nodded. “I couldn’t find you. That’d just prove you right.” 

“And we wouldn’t want me to be right, would we?” 

Despite herself, Clarke smiled, small and there. She blushed a little, right beneath her jaw, near her earlobes. Lexa gorged herself on it. 

“If you’re right, you get all of the power. I can’t give you that.” 

“But it would be great if you did. I promise to be a benevolent overlord.” 

“What if I don’t know how to be kept?” Clarke asked after a moment of quiet. It was the most honest thing she’d said in their time together. 

Lexa reached forward to touch her, finally. She ran her finger along her forearm, and she paused at Clarke’s wrist, running her thumb along the small protrusion there. She watched her fingers move against Clarke’s skin. 

“I’m good at being still. I’ve broken more wild things than you, princess.” 

As she stood there, Clarke felt Lexa’s warmth, and she wondered to which level they were speaking, because almost accidentally, she’d confessed one of her truly darkest fears, that she wasn’t one to be in love, that she didn’t know how, that she wasn’t sure she was worth being looked at like Lexa looked at her, whether it be love or lust of something between. 

“I completely mean to interrupt whatever is happening over here,” a voice rang out, oddly cheerful and not at all in line with the tone established. 

Lexa retracted her hand quickly, finishing the rest of her champagne as a result of compensating for the movement. Clarke stood up, her body language becoming alert and afraid. There was the shame, Lexa saw and pretended to ignore, of being caught with someone like her. 

“Hell of a game you played out there, Lexa,” the new woman explained as she grabbed them another round of drinks from a passing tray. 

The crowd cheered for whatever was happening on the pitch, and Lexa looked toward it in hopes of finding a reason to escape, the trance of Clarke Griffin broken for a moment. 

“And I heard all about how amazing your play was from Kane. Clarke couldn’t keep her eyes off of you, and I have to say, I get it now.” 

Lexa found her interest turning back to this shorter, nonplussed member of their group, her interest piqued as she recognized a fellow interloper, although someone who seemed to own it much better and in a way she almost envied. 

“I wasn’t--” Clarke began before taking a breath, earning a grin from her friend. “Lexa, this is Raven, my best friend dating back from elementary school, so please don’t hold it against me.” 

“I couldn’t. She seems to have such great taste if polo players,” Lexa grinned, extending her hand. “Lexa Woods. It’s a pleasure to meet you--”

“Raven,” she offered, shaking it heartily. “I’ve heard many things.” 

“All good, I hope.” 

“Mythical, some might say.” 

Clarke coughed and cleared her throat until her friend returned the hand it’d been shaking and went back to sipping her champagne. Lexa felt her chest puff a bit, and she couldn’t help it. 

“I should go make the rounds,” she finally offered as the two ancient friends glared at each other, having an entire conversation. “I’m sure Kane has some constructive criticism, and plans for the next matches. I hope I see you both around, and thank you for coming to support us.” 

“It was nice to see you again,” Clarke offered with a slight nod. 

Brazenly, Lexa leaned forward, placed her hand on the small of Clarke’s back so that her thumb could touch the bare skin of her spine. She kissed her cheek. 

“I hope you choose to find me, princess,” she whispered. “I love wild things as they are.” 

Lexa pulled away quickly and shook Raven’s hand again. 

“It was nice to meet you, Raven. I hope Kane didn’t bore you terribly.” 

“Not at all,” she returned. “I hope to come to more, if Clarke will invite me.” 

But Clarke didn’t answer, just stared at Lexa until she nodded and walked away, fading into the crowd in search of her benefactor. 

“Holy shit she’s hot up close,” Raven finally offered after a moment where Clarke downed her champagne. “Like. Insanely hot. Superhuman hot. And when she did that thing, that being so close to you but not touching you thing. Damn. And then, I think she practically was undressing you with her eyes when I walked up. I’ve never seen eyeballs look like murder, but hers were coming for me.” 

“You see what  mean, right?” 

“Yeah, you have a problem there,” her friend agreed as Clarke finally took a breath and nodded weakly. “I’d have to go for it.” 

“Yes. Without a doubt.” 

XXXXXXXXXX

Even though there was an entire week of matches for the tournament, Lexa still waited for a girl to appear, to make the move, to find her. She knew that it had to be Clarke who appeared, who made the move because she was the one who was most afraid. It was supposed to be a joke, but Lexa knew it was the most honest thing about her to admit that she was already in love with the stranger. 

She knew nothing about Clarke, not really, and yet she felt like she understood her on a cosmic level, an inherent kind of language they both spoke, that defied time. Lexa craved that poetry, and perhaps it was the works of the great romantics that she kept reading and clouding her brain with such notions, but she couldn’t help it. It seeped into her very DNA. 

The week led to the first win out of three for the Gauntlet, and Lexa hoisted the cup valiantly, happy that she was worth her weight in gold, as Kane liked to explain. And after all of it, after they made the trip home, and she made sure the stables were taken care of and schedule made for the following day, Lexa sat on the porch to her small home about five miles from the horses, and she opened a bottle of beer. 

The night was colder than the day, giving off the heat and letting the warmth disappear with the sun, but it was a clear night, the moon bright above, casting moonbeam shadows in the tall grasses and from the fence posts. She could have lived in the city, gotten a place an enjoyed the splendor of her generous paychecks, but Lexa had a need to be near her ponies and to be close to the games. She wouldn’t commute if she didn’t have to, and she wouldn’t allow herself any distractions. 

And then headlights appeared in her driveway, following the gravel up toward the converted cabin. 

She stood and tapped her beer against her thigh as she leaned against the railing, squinting into the light in hopes of figuring out who was going to bug her after a rather long week and an impressive win. 

She wasn’t in a dress. She was in an old jacket and jeans as she shoved her hands in the back pockets and made her way around the car once it turned off. It really was becoming a problem, because every time Lexa saw her, she was distracted. She really didn’t think about the car and how many questions she had about the absolutely devastating piece of machinery. 

Instead, she took another sip and smiled. 

“Congratulations,” Clarke offered. 

“Did you watch?” 

“I didn’t, but I heard.” 

“Good news travels fast.” 

Despite her initial burst of courage, Clarke paused near the stairs, looking up at the polo player, the lights from the glowing windows giving her a little bit of color. Lexa didn’t move to fix the height gap between them, instead, waiting for Clarke to make the moves. It was her porch, but it was Clarke’s rules, and she wasn’t sure she’d trained wilder things than Clarke Griffin, but she was a tamer of beasts. 

“I found you,” Clarke offered, as she took a step. 

“You did. I’m not hard to find though.” 

“I think we should applaud the effort,” Clarke grinned, stepping up another until she was just one below. “I was impressed with your win. You must be happy.” 

“I’m honestly happier that you’re here right now than the trophy.” 

“Are you going to show me your home?” 

“I don’t want to move,” Lexa offered as Clarke stood in front of her now. “I’m afraid you’ll bolt the moment I do.” 

“I showed up. I made the move,” Clarke sighed, looking at her lips. “You have to teach me the rest.” 

“Three conversations for you to fall in love with me,” she grinned, closing the distance and moving so she was touching Clarke, pressed against her front. “I can work with that.” 

“Lust.” 

“For now.”

NEXT

[kitsoa]

A Case In Stubborn Belief

I don’t feel like I’ve reassessed my theories properly since things started going to hell in khux. The benefit to this torturous slog of releases is it allows me to adjust my mindset and theories in real time so as to have a healthy theorist mindset. In other words I use the time between releases to justify my theories and dig my heels in. Hahaaa-- so like, let me preface this by saying that there is plenty of reason to hold onto seemingly jossed theories and evidence because...

1.) Multiple things can be correct at the same time. 

2.) Red herrings are frequently employed. 

Now. I have, in the past summed up my thoughts in this 3-prong Theory for Khux post which is a little dated but subscribes to three ideas.

The Master of Masters is the Author of Fate

Ava is the Traitor 

Ven harbors a split personality.

And while recent events have definitely had me going to the drawing board. I still kinda believe in all three ideas. Let’s work this out. 

Ven as the Murderer

In my original Split-Personality Theory, I proposed that the Darkness within Ven was suppressed to the point that it gained sentience and acted with a will of its own. As Re:mind supports, Vanitas refers to existing long before their split. 

The primary take away was, regardless of who did the dirty deed of killing Strelitzia, Ventus was innocent because he lacked agency. This is still true. 

Now, it seemed as though this theory was disproven in last months flashback of the murder. Ven is clearly coerced by this physical shadowy Darkness to go to the scene of the crime, from which the Darkness strikes Strel down, orders Ven to pick up the Leader Book aaaand physically takes on the appearance of Ava. 

All interactions with this force suggested that Darkness was an external force simply using Ven as a pawn in the scene. Darkness had to order Ven to pick up the book. Darkness manifested separate to Ven. This isn’t something coming from within Ven, it’s simply grabbing hold of him. 

But then we have to consider the entire context of the scene. Ven was planted in the Leader position by Darkness. Darkness set it up so there was some foundation of legitimacy with Ava being seen with him. It was orchestrated specifically for Ven’s benefit... but to what end? Ven’s a pawn sure, but if the goal is getting a hold of a Union Leader, an external force of Darkness shouldn’t have to go through a very risky murder plot to make room. If the goal is to sow discord among the Leaders then killing someone close and framing one of them is all you need to do. If the goal is BOTH then why Ven? His presumable innocence? Is he just convenient scape goat?

This is where I think this months update comes into play. Darkness, spawns from Ven. Darkness has been hiding inside Ven. Ven is the Trojan Horse. While Ven blames himself for the death of Strel, he asserts that “It’s not me”. Darkness isn’t Ven. But that could be wishful thinking on his part...

That Darkness, no matter how external it behaves, is Ven’s. While not behaving like a split personality in the conventional way, the force is essentially Ven’s darkness given autonomy and sentience while still bound to his heart. That Darkness becomes Vanitas. Same idea different manner of arrival.

Is Darkness Legion?

“You’re finally aware, of us.”

In line with this speculation, this line could be referring to Darkness and Ven in the plural. Vanitas was very fixated on Ven and himself being the same being. I don’t see why Darkness can’t have that same attachment.

But if he’s NOT referring to himself I guess I have to talk about my Author of Fate theory.

This line would then suggest that Darkness is most likely one of those monsters in human form MoM was talking about wayyyy back in Cornerstones of Rebirth. In my Figurative Language post, I use MoM’s potential as a disillusioned author of the entire KH reality as a means to interpret his words more figuratively. 

“Well, if you ask if the darkness they fought was comprised of monsters… maybe so. They looked the same as us, so it’s a bit different from now.”

In my interpretation these beings of Darkness were a summation of the darkness of human nature causing endless conflict. It was MoM’s way of explaining that he is who he is because he’s tired of senseless evil. This is where I think 2 things can be correct at the same time. Darkness can be a manifestation of a pure force of evil similar to the heartless AND be a figurative reflection of MoM’s perspective on humanity. After all, the theory postulates that MoM created everything. It’s a reflection of that “Real Evil” creeping into things.  So is this force which I believe born from Ven a part of some kind of new race of Darkness? Yes and No. Yes because I think MoM’s interpreting a realistic evil through the creatures of the series. Whatever impulses formed Darkness inside Ven, is the same tendencies that MoM witnessed in his youth. No-- because the Darkness by virtue of being in this reality gain a form of autonomy that I don’t think MoM’s story is actually depicting. Literal Monsters in human skin basically detach humanity from the consequences of Evil. And while that’s not the case in reality, Mom’s interpretation paved a way for that to be the case in KH cause he’s the author. 

Got really meta there. In my speculation, MoM is coping with the helplessness of reality. Poor guy. 2020 sucks.

What about Ava?

That’s the question isn’t it? Most of my Ava speculation is based on her behavior leading up to the end of Khx. The suggestions from that line of thought haven’t changed. I mean, nothings really modified the implications of Ava clashing with Luxu and starting the first war. If we take into account that MoM manipulated the Foretellers into their own destruction and Ava potentially discovered this, then her actions would make sense. Even with recent developments we know that Ava took action to defy MoM’s plan by changing who received the BoP. Ava is the Traitor. 

So she is actively trying to circumvent this written fate... and all she succeeded in doing was swapping around a book? Yeah, that’s not enough. 

My original theory speculates that Ava is trying to sabotage the entire Data-Daybreak town because it’s a part of MoM’s plan. And while Luxu’s Secret Report in KH3 has wording that suggest that the Data-Daybreak Town is destined to never have the Keyblade War, meaning that the manner needed to sabotage that is to.... cause the Keyblade War. So the way to ‘save’ her Dandelion’s from being MoM’s play things is to trigger the Keyblade War that they wanted to avoid, all so that she can attempt to remove them from MoM��s clutches (I further speculate this is because she doesn’t understand the extent of MoMs ownership over fate and therefore thinks its possible to defy fate enough to escape him).

So this puts her in the perfect motive to do whatever she can to make sure shit hits the fan and war breaks out. It’s an ironic little reversal cause once again Ava is becoming MoM in order to ‘stop’ MoM and she is really the fool here. This desperation might have her joining forces with some unsavory forces and pushing for some... drastic measures (like permitting murder!). It’s all for the greater good of course and she needs to free them from being in MoM’s creation. 

This is why I still think, Ava is a benefactor/ accomplice to Darkness. I think she ultimately gave it access to the Dandelion ranks and orchestrated a deal that would ensure the escape of some Dandelions (through the Arc business with Maleficent) while also the assured destruction of the Data-Worlds that imprisoned them. This is because of the Darkness’s actions with Maleficent and paving a way out of the Data World which seems counterintuitive to the actions of Darkness through Ven, sowing discord and killing little sisters. Sure there could be more than one with more than one agenda but this can come together if you’re stubborn enough. So yeah. Ava is still in cohorts with Darkness. I really want her to be a well intentioned extremist don’t I? 

---

Anyway. I am not so deluded that I can’t accept my theory being wrong. It’s okay. I’m not like... seriously hung up about it. But, not only do I think these 3 ideas are just insanely compelling, I DO believe that everything is a monthly slow confirmation here. One week seems to destroy an idea and the next resuscitates it. It’s incredible how they don’t just drop every plot twist at once. As someone trying to write a compelling mystery in my KH fic, I am impressed with how this has stretched out over years. 

I’ll let you know when I’ve really given up. Until then, I’ll just start digging my plot on this hill. Read my theory master list while I do that.

[ordinaryschmuck]

Top 20 BEST Animated Series of the 2010s-8th Place

It’s funny. Four years ago, there was no doubt in my mind that this show would easily make the top five best-animated series in the last decade. But the more it went on, the more...controversial it got. However, despite all the hate this next series has been getting recently, I still believe that there’s something to be desired within it.

#8-Steven Universe/Steven Universe: Future (2013-2020)

The Plot: For years, immortal warriors known as the Crystal Gems have been defending the Earth from anything that seeks to do it harm. Until one day when Rose Quartz, the Gems leader, had fallen in love with a human named Greg Universe. From that love, Rose gave up her physical form to bring her son, Steven, into the world she was sworn to protect. Taking guidance from the other Crystal Gems-Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl-Steven will try his best to grow up into the same warrior that his mom was. But as he learns more about the Gems and his mother, Steven will soon realize that he’ll have to grow up far faster than he thought.

Right out the gate, I should mention there's a 60%-40% chance that you’re either going to love this show or think that it’s pure garbage. And honestly, I believe it all depends on perspective. Like the quality of most shows, the enjoyment depends on the viewpoints you chose to take with it. Some people will look at specific decisions as well done, where others will see it all as a mess of storytelling. For instance, one person can make a two-hour-long video about how Steven Universe is garbage, and another person can make a video arguing about how it isn’t. Everyone has different reasons why they like or hate something. If you genuinely hate Steven Universe or think you might not like it, that's perfectly fine. I just hope you’ll give me the chance to explain why I personally enjoy it, and why I think it deserves all the adulation it has. 

For instance, the main thing I really enjoy about Steven Universe is its style. From the designs, to the animation, to even the music. Everything about how Steven Universe both looks and sounds leave me awestruck. First is the show’s designs of both the backgrounds and characters. Nearly every part of the world in the series looks absolutely amazing, fitting seeing how the Crystal Gems fought for Earth due to its beauty. There are also times when lore and backstory can be seen through the backgrounds, giving some fantastic utilization of visual storytelling. Such as when the Crystal Gems visit war zones and temples that they’ve spent years fighting in, showing hidden secrets that can make much more sense by later episodes. As for the character designs, they all look pretty good. Each character has a dynamic and unique style, making them all fun to look at. It’s even better when the character’s personalities are shown throughout their entire designs. I especially love how the artists managed to get creative with how real life crystals (lapices, bismuths, and jaspers) will look like people when designing the Crystal Gems and their enemies. However, I should first mention that Steven Universe is another show where the art style depends on who’s storyboarding the scene. While not as bad as OK KO: Let’s Be Heroes, it can be pretty distracting given how character sizes and proportions are inconsistent. Regardless, I still like how good the designs look for a majority of the characters. And at a practical standpoint, I think it’s great that the artists kept the figures as simple as possible as it makes animating the characters a lot easier.

Speaking of which, I really like how Steven Universe is animated. It’s not entirely groundbreaking like The Amazing World of Gumball’s or as fluid as Wander Over Yonder’s, but the animation in Steven Universe is still pretty dang good. The characters' movements look believable, and the expressions each one makes is downright amazing to see. It gets more aspiring for the show’s fight scenes. You can almost feel each punch, jab, and slash that the characters trade with each other, and the fights themselves are pretty fun to watch. As for the action itself, Steven Universe might just have the most creative action set pieces I’ve seen from any animated series. Case in point, there is an entire fight scene that’s also a fantastic song at the same time.

On the topic of songs, let the record show that showrunner Rebecca Sugar really understands music. I say this because Steven Universe has some really great music in it. From background music to full-on musical numbers, this show proves how important melodies are in a series. Look at the background music, as it not only does a suitable job at making audiences feel the right emotions but also sounds really good when isolated. As for the character motifs, each note perfectly encapsulates the character's personality that it’s meant for. Like Pearl, who has a piano melody to show off her classy and orderly personality, and Peridot, who has a more 8-bit tune to her leitmotif as a way to show off her tech side. And since we branched into talking about 8-bit, there are times when this show’s soundtrack sounds like it belongs in a really cool video game (Google Lion’s and Obsidian's themes if you don’t believe me). As for the actual songs in the show, Steven Universe has a pretty good selection. As they can be beautiful and downright awesome to listen to. And even though the show uses songs to develop the characters and story, these musical numbers can still be pretty fun to listen to on their own, with no context (most of the time).

But while a show's style is essential, it’s the substance that truly matters. And here is where we go back to the discussion of perspective. To some viewers, you might think that the substance in Steven Universe is handled well, where others...Well, I think it’s pretty obvious how they might feel.

Let’s look at the story because Steven Universe actually has an intriguing and compelling story...Or at least it does when it tries to eventually tell that story. Whether you’re a person who either loves or hates the series, everyone can agree that the slice of life episodes are easily the show’s weakest. Personally, I don’t mind them, and that’s because I view these episodes as giving me a choice between eating a chocolate cake or a carrot. The story-driven episodes are a chocolate cake. Their sweet, delicious, and I’m always craving more after just having one piece. As for the slice of life episodes, they’re like carrots. I can eat a carrot. I can digest a carrot. I might even enjoy a carrot. Hell, there are times when I’m willing to ask for another carrot. But if you’re going to give me the decision of a carrot over a chocolate cake, then I’m always going to pick the chocolate cake. Even if I enjoy episodes like “Laser Light Cannon," “Too Short to Ride," and “Alone Together," they can never hold a candle to “Jail Break," “Reunited," and “Change Your Mind." This is because the slice of life episodes give off a sense of distraction from the main story. After all, they rarely add anything new (read: meaningful) to the tale. And going back to the carrot and chocolate cake analogy, there’s one aspect that doesn’t do the slice of life episodes any favors. You see, where most shows feel like you have to eat the carrots before having the chocolate cake, half the time Steven Universe feels like you can skip most of the carrots and go straight for the chocolate cake instead. And Steven Universe isn’t the only show to try this. In fact, tomorrow I’ll be talking about a show that perfected this idea. But tomorrow's series manages to make both the story and slice of life episode the chocolate cake instead of the carrot. And it has everything to do with the fact that the characters care about the situation they’re in. There are actual moments in the show where Crystal Gems refuse to participate in everyday antics because they simply don’t think those antics are worth their time. Which is something you never want to do. Because if the characters don’t care, then why should the audience? Speaking of the characters--

I want it to be known that I like the majority of the characters in Steven Universe. Greg, Connie, Peridot, Amethyst, and Garnet are all enjoyable to watch in their own way. Not only is their development on point, but their personalities are all likable, and their issues are also relatable. It’s three other characters that things get a little iffy. Those characters being Steven, Pearl, Bismuth and Lapis. If you ask me, I like these characters, and I think it’s fun to study/analyze their personalities. However, these characters make decisions that audiences are either going to hate or love. It’s sort of like that optical illusion of the old lady/young lady (Google it). Some people can see the ugly old hag, where others will see the beautiful young woman. You’re most likely going to see one or the other, and it isn’t until someone else points out what you couldn’t notice that you are capable of seeing both. It’s something very similar to Steven, Pearl, Bismuth and Lapis. One response is that you’re either going to see characters who are selfless heroes that are victims of circumstance. The other is seeing toxic idiots who cause more harm than good to the people they love.

And then there are the people of Beach City. These are mostly hated by both fans and critics of the show. Personally, I don’t hate most of them. Don’t get me wrong, characters like Lars and Ronaldo deserve every ounce of hate they are given (Although Lars does get better). As for the rest of the Beach Citizens, I don’t think they are that bad of characters. In fact, I think they’re good characters placed in the wrong show. Some of them have issues that most people deal with (Sadie, in most of her episodes), where others seem to be slightly layered and almost intriguing (Mr. Smiley and Onion in “Future Boy Zoltron” and “Onion Gang”). In fact, if these characters were a part of a different series, I’m sure people will be more willing to watch their struggles. It's just compared to the Crystal Gems and company, the people of Beach City are not as interesting to watch or dissect. And because of this, the show drags down to a screeching halt whenever it focuses on these characters.

And the most controversial element of these characters is (semi-spoilers ahead) when the show tries to pull off redemption arcs. Steven Universe seems to work off the logic that nobody is evil, just misunderstood. There’s both a right way and a wrong way of illustrating that logic, and Steven Universe, unfortunately, does it the wrong way. And the best way for me to describe how to do this idea is to use the game Undertale as an example (I’d warn you about spoilers, but odds are you already know everything about that game). In Undertale, you play a character who fell into an underground prison full of monsters, and you have to find your way back to the surface. The monsters you run into give the impression that they’re dangerous and want to destroy you (or at least most of them do). However, the game allows the player to interact with the world and characters around them, soon discovering that the monsters are more complex than one might think. In fact, the game allows you to actually interact with monsters who tried to kill you, showing the logic and reasoning as to why. By the end of Undertale, you learn that every character you encounter is not the villains in the story, but rather victims of a war that forced them away from the surface. Steven Universe has a similar idea but fails to do it properly. All it reveals is that the villains have done bad things, realize that they’ve done wrong, and decide to have an out of nowhere change of heart by the end. The problem is that except for one character, the turnarounds don’t feel earned. Instead, they feel forced than anything else.

These elements are what make Steven Universe slightly controversial to enjoy.

(And also the ridiculous amount of hiatuses. But that’s not really an issue I have with the show, but the network running it.)

But if there is one thing I hope we all can agree on, both the pessimistic and forgiving, I think it’s safe to say that the best thing about Steven Universe is how important it is for the LGBTQ+ community. There may have been kids' shows in the past that hinted at same-sex relationships and they deserve some respect as well. But I'd say it’s Steven Universe that popularized the idea with the characters Ruby and Saphire. Not only are these two downright adorable together, but they also manage to be enjoyable characters on their own (Even though it isn’t often you see them apart, but their personalities still shine through). And I’m willing to make the argument that it’s because of these two why children’s animation is less afraid, but still cautious, of being explicit with having same-sex couples. Like I said, most shows decide to hint at these relationships, so they don't get in trouble for doing so. Nowadays? Most of Cartoon Network’s series seem to have more gay relationships than most children’s networks in recent memory. Nickelodeon allowed The Loud House to have gay parents in a children's cartoon, and one of the main characters being canonically bisexual. Hell, even Disney is currently taking steps in the right direction with their smash hit called The Owl House. Now, more than ever, kids can learn at an early age that gay relationships are more than just acceptable, but they’re also completely normal and should be accepted as such. And I’m more than willing to give Steven Universe credit for giving this trend the push that it needed, like other creators for these shows usually point fingers at it as well.

Is Steven Universe a perfect show? No. But that doesn’t mean I think it’s garbage. There are some legitimate faults that this series has, some of which I’m inclined to agree with. But with all the good it does and how much fun people have while watching it, I can’t really say I hate this series. If you think you’ll hate this show, you have every right to. I can’t change how you feel, but I can ask you to keep an open mind. Because who knows? You might be someone who will find the diamond in the rough of this series.

(Now that’s a pun you’ll be willing to appreciate by the time you reach season 5).

[canary-vikings-tvd]

Endless love

Is it Stefan and Elena or is it Damon and Elena? A question we asked ourselves many times!

Here are my personal reasons and my beliefs why delena is endgame.

"Well crazy or not, that kind of love never dies." ~Klaus Mikaelson

Elena and Stefan might be the epic and perfect couple, but I think Elena way better experiences her relationship and love with Damon. I think love can only get real if it has grown. For me love needs to grow before it can get real. Exactly that Elena had with Damon. First she hated him... but then she began to know him better, she saw his good side when no one did. She was the only one who was able to see it. She believed in him, that he could be the better man.

"I'm not a hero, Elena. I don't do good. It's not in me." ~Damon

"Maybe it is." ~Elena

It was always Elena who believed in him the most.

It was Elena who showed everyone that Damon was worth saving.

"Somewhere along the way, you decided I was worth saving. I wanted to thank you for that." ~Damon

She cared for him like no one else did. She showed everyone that Damon could be worth loving. She was the only one who was able to change him, and she did. They went from enemies to friends, from friends to lovers and from lovers to soulmates.

Elena changed him for the better. She made him a better person.

"Love does that, Damon. It changes us."~Andie

Elena was his humanity, she showed him that love does not only means to be manipulative, broken, hurting or cruel. Love can be pure and real too. This she taught him. This made Damon human. His humanity is Elena.

One of Elena's characteristics is the necklace from Esther, that Stefan gave her. This famous necklace is a "Stelena" thing, but this very same necklace was the beginning of "Delena".

Stefan gave her that necklace in order that Damon won't be able to get into her head.

So that Damon won't be able to compel her. But that very same necklace was the thing that let Damon into her heart.

In the end it was always Damon who gave her the necklace back after Elena lost it several times. The very thing that was the bond between his brother and Elena. The very thing that kept their bond alive. And yet he gave it to her every time, because Damon knew how much that necklace meant to her. Even though it hurt him, he gave it to her. This was the most selfless thing Damon ever did to her. And in that moment, Elena loved him. The necklace let Elena starting to fell in love with him.

It was Damon who always saved Elena. It was Damon who has never put anyone's life before hers. Including his own.

Damon did always everything to save her. Putting everyone's life aside so that she could survive!

It was Damon who made all the wrong choices for the right reasons. He let it happen that Elena would hate him even if it meant to keep her safe.

"I don't mind being the bad guy. I'll make all the life and death decisions. [..] I'll even let her hate me for it. But at the end of the day, I'll be the one to keep her alive." ~ Damon to Stefan

He let her be with his brother even if it hurt him every time... Damon never forced Elena to love him, he never pushed her into loving him, he respected her being with his brother. He never really told her that he loves her, he made it forget, he made her forget that she met him first. He did it, so that his brother could have her. Nonetheless, how jealous or hurt he was, he let her be with his brother. And because of that, he did not want to be selfish, selfish for loving Elena and taking her as his own.

No... he basically sacrificed his love so that she could be happy with his brother.

Damon was the one who made Elena feel alive. He brought out a totally different side of her to the surface of her character. He brought out her wild side, he challenged her, made her question everything, while Stefan tried to push that side down...

It was Damon who enlightened her true self.

Damon always understood Elena the most.

" You and I, we have something. An understanding."~Elena

It was Damon who made her in death feel most alive. When Elena became a vampire, she hated everything about being a vampire. But then she discovered the good part about it. The promise that "love could be eternal". She had that with Damon.

"Being with Damon makes me happy. When I'm with him it feels unpredictable. Like I'm free." ~Elena

It was Damon who showed her that love does not need to be perfect, but real. It was Damon who gave her what she has always wanted. A love that consumes her. He gave her passion and adventure and even danger.

"You want what everyone wants. You want a love that consumes you. You want passion and adventure, and even a little danger." ~Damon

"I want to thank you for giving me everything I always wanted. A love that consumed me, and passion, adventure. There's nothing more I could ever want other than for it to last forever." ~Elena

He gave her true love. He loved Elena so much like no one else ever loved her before. Elena is his life.

"I'm not gonna let someone's idea of destiny stop me from loving you or being with you, or building a future with you, because you are my life." ~Damon

It was Damon who could handle her fire. It was him who gave her the feeling to be loved endlessly. It was Damon she fell in love with, while she was human. It was him she still loved with the sire bond, although no one believed her, that those feelings were real.

"Being sired doesn't mean you feel differently about someone. The bond affects how you act, not how you feel." ~Tyler

"The Bond can't be broken with magic. A vampire only holds to her sire when she has feelings for him before she turns. Human feelings. Vampirism only heightened those emotions."

It was Damon she always felt connected to.

It was Damon who was there for her when no one else was.

"How he's always been there for you when it mattered. You know through thick and thin, and good times and bad times. Maybe I haven't given him enough credit." ~ Caroline to Elena

It was him, where no words where needed, to tell him that how much she loved him because he knew it. They fought like a married couple.. they slept alongside like a married couple... they loved each other so much. They loved each other against the universe. And the reason why their love lasted till the end, was because they fought for their love.

"Do you see a future with me? Because that's all I see." ~Elena

"Elena I've seen it the second I laid eyes on you" ~Damon

"Five years from now, where are you?" ~Damon

"Easy, with you" ~Elena

It was him she fought for, against the universe, she loved him even after the sire bond broke. She started to fell in love with him again when she lost every good memory she had of him. It was him she loved after being human again, even though everyone told her, that if she would take the cure, she would go back to Stefan. But this did not happen, because her love for Damon was real.

And not to forget that Stefan actually did not wanted the cure for her, he wanted the cure because he could not see Elena as a vampire. He wanted her to come back to him. Which I get, but he did not wanted the cure for Elena. He wanted her to change her. Change her becoming her old self again, but that wasn't Elena anymore. Damon always wanted the cure for her. Because that's what she wanted. And when Elena said, that she did not wanted the cure anymore, Stefan wasn't able to accept it, he couldn't. While Damon wasn't okay with that, but he accepted it, because Elena said to him, that she did not wanted to become human if it meant she could not be with Damon for ever. So instead of refusing her choice he told her that he would become human too. So that he would be human with her, so that they both could grow old together, live a happy life. He became human for her.

"I've been a vampire for a long time, Elena. It's been a blast, but I would give it up in a second to be your husband, your p a r t n e r, father of your kids. I can take it for us. Ok? Because even if it doesn't work, even if all goes to hell, even if I'm miserable and alone, the smallest chance at the perfect life with you is infinitely better than an immortal one without you, and I know this, Elena. I love you... and I will love you until I take my last breath on this earth." ~Damon

Stefan never thought about becoming human for her. He never thought about taking the cure, so that they could grow old together. He didn't.

Elena never wanted to become a vampire. Not even for Stefan, so that she could be with him for ever. But than as a vampire, she was willingly to give up her chance to be human again, so that she could be with Damon. She was willingly to accept being a vampire, if it meant being with Damon for ever. She always talked about "for ever" with Damon. She always talked to him as her soulmate, she always talked about a future with him. She never did think about a future with Stefan.

It was Damon she always found her way back to, because somehow she always finds her way back to him. This is real love.

"I love you more than I ever thought was humanly possible" ~Elena

"You and I, we are messy and complicated, but we are real" ~Elena

"It's the most real thing I've ever felt in my entire life" ~Elena

"True love isn't easy, but it must be fought for. Because once you find it, it can never be replaced."

Elena said, that Damon made all the wrong choices, she said, that he is a terrible person. But Elena forgives him... because she is fighting for him, she never gives up on him.

Damon is thankful for this. He knows that the best thing that makes Elena, Elena, is her capacity of forgiveness. He knows that he did many things wrong. He knows, that he is bad for her. He knows that!!! He told her that she should stop loving him, so that she could be happy and free from him, so he would not hurt her anymore.

And yet she can not stop loving him.

He set her free... he told her to go away from him. He told her to stay away from him.

He did everything to push her away from him, so she wouldn't be surrounded by him, the bad one, the one who brings danger.

But still she can not stop loving him, she can not live in a world without him.

"She could not imagine a universe, no matter how many dimensions there were, without a Damon in it. There was no world for her, if there was no Damon" ~Elena

So Elena lost her memories of him and her love to him, but she still finds her way back to him. Even in that time when she forgot that she loved him and Damon was broken, he didn't force her to love him again! He let her believe in herself and yet again she fell for him. He never ever did force her to love him, he respected her, he let her go, he pushed her away even though it broke him, he did it many times. This isn't selfish. It's most selfless he ever did. But still she forgives him she comes back to him no matter how many times they try to be apart from each other.

"I'm not sorry that knowing you has made me question everything. That in death, you're the one that made me feel most alive. You've been a terrible person. You've made all the wrong choices. And of all the choices I've made, this will prove to be the worst but I'm not sorry that I'm in love with you. I love you, Damon. I love you" ~Elena

Elena's and Stefan's Love was perfect, because the Love was pure. Stefan's Love was pure.

Elena fell in love with Stefan because she felt save with him. She was a broken girl who lost her parents and she wanted to find someone she can love and never dies. She was with Stefan, so she could escape her grief.

The relationship between Elena and Stefan felt rushed, it was too fast... they where nearly strangers and suddenly loved each other. There was no development in getting to know each other first. With Damon and Elena's relationship, we saw a certain depth in it, that's why it felt more real, more believable.

"When it's real you never can walk away" ~ Lexi

Stefan always called Elena his soulmate. Elena called him her epic love, but never her soulmate. She only called Damon her soulmate.

Elena and Stefan had many ups and downs, but I think they never really affected their relationship, like if it was perfect and never could be destroyed. (except for the part when Stefan became the Ripper for Klaus)

While Elena never gave up on Stefan, Stefan did give her up sometimes when he couldn't see other options, then letting go. Stefan run from her, he turned her back on her instead of staying stronger through the problem with her. They never really faced real suffer a relationship has...

But with Damon and Elena, they have ups and downs in their relationship. They started with hating each other, or at least Elena hated Damon first. Then they both got to grow to know each other more. Elena started to see Damon's good side and Damon started to change because of her. Damon fell in love with her. They hurt each other couple times but still find each other reunited. They both changed each other.

"They had a fight. I know you want to stop it. Protect her from it. But you're young, you don't see what I see. It's not just that she makes him a better person. And she does, but ... he changes her too. Damon challenges her, surprises her. He makes her question her life, beliefs. Stefan is different. His love is pure. He'll always be good for her. Damon is either the best thing for her, or the worst." ~Rose

Rose said the truth. She always saw a deep connection between Damon and Elena. She believed in Damon. She believed in him that he could find the happiness he deserved. She believed in them. They were each other's humanity, each other's life. Because like Stefan said, they are miserable without each other.

"I can't live without her" ~Damon

"I can't live without him" ~Elena

When Damon had no humanity and was compelled by Sybil, and lost his memories about Elena and the love they had, he fought for his humanity. He fought for Elena. The only thing, that could break the compulsion was Elena's necklace. In that time this necklace was the only thing that could give him hope. That necklace was able to keep Damon alive. The necklace was able to bring his humanity back. It was the only thing which could break the compulsion Sybil did to him, simple for the reason that Damon's love for Elena was stronger than anything else.

"I hold this and I get this little flicker of warmth" ~Damon

"Damon, I gave you that necklace because it is as powerful and as magical as the love that you and Elena have for each other. Being here and feeling what you're feeling proves that a love that deep and real can win over everything. [...] Somewhere deep down in that part of you where Elena is still buried. Find that place, Damon. Fight for her. Or spend the rest of eternity trying to figure out, what happened to the best part of you." ~Caroline

~Damon is talking to Sybil while his humanity is trying to flip back~

"When you were mucking about in my subconscious, did you ever take the time to understand Elena? Her capacity of forgiveness?"

[..]

"And even though I can't feel a damn thing for Elena, the more you try and push her out, the more I understand she's never going away" ~Damon

Now if this does not mean real love! They never left each other. No matter how many miles or in life and death they were apart of each other, they never left each other. Because deep down, they were always together. They were always inside of their hearts. They always find each other, in life and death. They are each other's hope and happiness. They love each other, to life and death.

"Promise me this is for ever."

"I promise" ~Elena and Damon

"Till death do us apart" ~Damon

But even in death they weren't apart from each other. Their love was so strong, it never could tear them apart. Nothing could break them. Not even Stefan, without his humanity, was able to break Damon from Elena. Not even Sybil was able to break Damon. Not even the memory loss of Elena could break her, because she fell for him all over again. They are one. They are whole, they are each other's best half, they are each other's best side, they are each other's humanity, they are each other's whole world, they are each other's eternal soulmate, they are each other's life!

Stefan without his humanity never cared for Elena. While the necklace was able to bring Damon back, it never did to Stefan... Lexi told him, that this necklace represented hope for him, but Stefan didn't notice.

While for Damon it was Elena who could bring him back, it never was for Stefan..

for Stefan, it was Damon. It was always his brother (and Lily) who could bring his humanity back.

Elena and Damon had many break ups, Elena got hurt, Damon was angry...

But no matter how many times they hurt each other, no matter how many times they try to be apart, to break up. No matter how many times Damon freaks out and kills again, no matter how many times Elena gets hurt. No matter how many times they try to hate each other, they always find their way back to each other, they always reunite.

"I've made some huge mistakes in my life. But being with you wasn't one of them. And yes, I had Alaric compel away my love for you. And yes, I did love Stefan once. The night I died Matt was driving me back to him. And yet, I found my way back to you. Damon, I somehow always find my way back to you. It doesn't matter if I have memories or not. It doesn't matter if I'm a vampire or not." ~Elena to Damon

They love each other no matter what bad things they do to each other they love each other more than anything else and that is what keeps them going....

Delena is true Love, it's endgame.

~From Sarah with love

[thewhumpstuff]

You and I, Me and You [38]

[ CW: Self-harm, suicidal ideation, unhealthy relationship dynamics.]

[Teaser and Master List] [Archives of our Own] (Lost and Found: Chapter 13)

There is no point.

[<– Previous] ~ [Next –>]

Akira was slipping.

An evening when all Tariq could tell her to do was watch Zizi’s movements to learn and become better… “Almost, Kira… but you’re twisting your body too much, that’s a tell, you want the strike to be a surprise… you gotta-” He just needed to look at Zizi for her to demonstrate again. They had developed such a keen and natural choreography as the two of them trained Akira together… It was not like that; they were all learning together, just a few days ago. When did it become them teaching her?

Makes sense I guess; they have more experience.

Zizi’s fist flew at the pad Tariq held, missing it deliberately and then landing a quick backhanded strike as she recoiled. The pad took quite the battering, Akira was glad that the suite was soundproof. “-Like that, making the best of the miss…” It was Zizi who completed Tariq’s advice. Akira had learned that Zizi had lost so much, and yet she fought... and fought better than she did. In less literal ways too... -

And a night when she spent hours stammering answers at Nova as she revised for a test, haphazardly. “Alcyone really hates it when trainees are not procedural, so try to structure your answer, it’ll fly better.” Nova’s smile was genuine, she was encouraging as usual. So, Akira tried again, she started by listing the symptoms this time, gnawing at her lower lips as she stared past Nova, trying to recall the epidemiological data for the disease. Nova tried to offer a mooring for the answer. “Maybe start with the physical exam? Alcyone will probably walk you through a case…” “Ok… ok…” Akira took a deep breath and tried again. “Oh, and you can’t stutter… They’ll assume you don’t know…” Nova winced as she spoke this time, almost apologetically. She was just wishing that Alcyone was a more forgiving examiner. All Akira saw was pity. She laughed nervously. Dismissively, she decided to do what she always did… Postpone.  “I guess, I mean, I’m probably just not ready, I’ll just give the test… next round.” “No… Aki. Come on, you always do this, you know your stuff…” Nova’s pleas went unheard. Akira had made her decision. -

A morning that she could not find the will to get out of bed.

Nova had the day off, Zizi had fallen into the day to day humdrum well enough to make breakfast. Akira was not really needed; she did not have to get out of bed. So, she did not. “I’m not hungry, but thanks…” She responded to the knock at her door and heard the rhythmic clink of Zizi’s metal leg as she walked away. Later that day, Akira finally slipped out of her room, quietly. Unfortunately, she ran into Nova and Zizi in the living room. “I’m just… going to go for a walk. Get some snacks… Might go to my room to pick up some things too.” “Ok… but please don’t give up on the test, you still have-” Nova’s insistence was interrupted by the thud of the door. -

It was surprising how little of himself Jared left in her room. And everything was so neat.

She purposely shuffled the neatly tucked covers of her- the bed. The room did not feel like hers anymore, but nor was it his.

He had been living in it for about a fortnight now. She opened her cabinets, largely stocked with BuzzBo and cereal. The refrigerator had some frozen meals. She was not even sure if this was an invasion of privacy or not. The closet doors flew open next. Her hands ruffled through the clothes hung up on the hanger, everything was new. Uniforms, tracksuits… Most things were in threes. Solid colours… Suddenly, she was looking for something and she wasn’t sure what till she found it.

A white t-shirt.

She was not sure what compelled her to do it, but within moments, she stripped to just her underclothes. Akira snatched the cotton tee. It was too soft to be new. She held it up to her face, burying her nose in the fabric, she inhaled deeply. Detergent mostly, but him too. She slipped into it. The hem of the t-shirt kissed the top of her thighs.

Akira was not very sure of why she was doing whatever it was she was doing. Things seemed to be happening around her, her limbs acting out of their own accord.

She sauntered to the bathroom, that still felt like hers… and a little like his.

Her old toothbrush and his snuggled in a cup by the basin. Some of her things peeked from the shelves that sat on either side of the frameless mirror. He had tried neatening them up. Stacking the old dry bottles of nail-polish in one corner and the expired make up in another. It looked like he tried navigating the shelves before giving up and just letting them be, adding his own things somewhere in between.

Just like he finds his little spaces between the mess I am…

Could she really expect him to give her more, give her everything she said she wanted? Could she really handle what she was asking for? Probably not. Maybe it was stupid of her to think that she could be there for him. Maybe he was right in keeping things from her. Maybe not. Maybe he ought to trust her a little bit. Make some more space for himself. Things should feel more... equal. Yet, they didn't. He had a darker past and probably a brighter future, just like Tariq, like Nova too... And Zizi. They had suffered and they were better for it. She did not flick the light on, the only source of illumination was a glazed window for ventilation. She looked at herself in the mirror. It was like a black and white photo. She drew herself closer, leaning over the basin. Peering at the dark-circles and the slight gaunt of her cheeks. The slightly vacant and hollow look in her eyes. Things felt easier once. She felt less burdened, less like a burden too…   She was invincible once. Flawless. Fierce. Bold… Infallible. Heck, she was incorrigible. A fighter. She had her light in the past and maybe that was the problem. Maybe that's why she didn't know how to fight the darkness. ‘you are a…?’ That voice. That stupid voice. “Failure.” The reflection’s lips moved; the word echoed in the bathroom. Akira leaned closer; her left palm joined hands with the girl on the other side of the glass. Lips moved again, forming foreign words that asked for something final. “I’m a failure. I deserve to die. You should kill me.”

Then she saw it.

⅃ƎIꓘƎZƎ

The letters were so angular and sharp. Precise and assured in the way they were etched onto the woman’s forearm. He was still flaunting his existence on her, in her mind.

Akira looked down at her own arm. She lingered on each letter individually. The E started about four-fingers from the crease of her elbow. L ended over the light-green tree of her veins, just under her wrist.

The mirror shattered. She broke it. “You don’t get to tell me who I am!”

A dagger-shaped shard clinked against the basin. Tiny perfect drops of red followed, staining the white ceramic. The ball of her left palm was now bleeding. She did not care. She barely felt it. Slowly, she reached for the piece. Blood fell onto it, and Akira wiped it away. The eyes of the woman who looked back at her, from the red-tinted reflective surface, were dark and stormy. Doubt and pain flickered as the eyelids closed momentarily. Then there was that molten anger again.

She marched into the shower cabinet and sat down on the floor. Like she sat that day, draped in that lab-coat. With a uniform first, and then a suit. Tariq and Jared had been there then… One after another.

But today she was alone. Alone in Jared’s white-tee, which was already sporting a few stains of crimson. She looked down at the god-forsaken name. At that perpendicularly angled letter at her wrist. Then back at the shard… and then just at the wrist, past the scar of the letter. -

Jared’s hair stood on end. He was not expecting someone to already be in the room. He noticed every little change, the covers, the cabinets that were left slightly ajar. The way the seam of his uniform peaked out of the crack between the closet doors, like they had been closed in a hurry. There were no signs of forced entry… But BioHacker trainees did not have too many layers of protections for their rooms, no one typically wanted anything from them. Getting in would not take too much effort.

Did someone come looking for something? If that had truly been the purpose of this intruder’s visit, he was not too worried. There was nothing in the room that was worth taking. This person was not really trying to mask their presence. Yet, there seemed to be no one in the room. Maybe they left? But something set Jared on edge. Something felt off. Then he heard the soft purr of streaming water. Jared was not in uniform, but he did have his army knife. He plucked it out of the drawer and cupped it in his hand, just in case this was an ambush of some sort.

Then it hit him. This was not his room after all. 

“Shira?”

There was no response. He strode into the bathroom earnestly. The broken mirror, the drops of blood. And the silence, except for the water running. The door of the shower cabinet was not entirely closed, he could see some skin. Her ankles and a part of her calves, leaning against the wall on the other side.

And the trails of crimson dissolving into the drain.

“Shira!”

There was no reply again. Why didn’t she answer? Why won’t she…

He could not breathe, and he keeled to the floor. His hands reached for the cabinet door. There was a slew of protest and denial in his thoughts. He didn’t want to open this door… as much as he knew he had to. He slid it open. She sat flattened against the corner. Blood ran down her palm, in a creek, joining the thicker rivulets down her arm. It collected at her elbow, from where it dripped steadily onto the white roughened tile. Repeatedly, the drop fell and dissolved, wispy dregs in the water that swirled.

Her eyes were open and she was alive.

Relief and rage took hold of him in equal measure, he leashed the latter, calling out her name again.

“Shira…”

The drop of soft light glinted off the shard; it danced across the walls and lent a shimmer to the swirling water below. It peeked into his eyes, they looked silvery in its influence. A very shaky hand clutched the piece of the broken mirror. The tip was pressed against her skin. It sat just below the scar of another cigarette burn that he had given her, forced by circumstance.

Perhaps, now that she finally recognized that he was here, she allowed herself to respond with the softest of whimpers. It sounded like an unfocused afterthought. He watched her, but she seemed to be merely looking at him... From a distance that did not really exist between them.

He held out his hand. Her eyes narrowed and the grip she had on the shard suddenly steadied. She pressed the piece deeper into her skin. Her glare had such intensity, he could almost feel the stab of the glass and the warmth of the fresh crimson tears the wound cried. It was like she wanted him to, like this was a threat. He raised his hands.

Why would she do this?

“Shira… Put it down…”

There was a certain revulsion he tasted in the back of his throat. It came hand in hand with that searing pain of concern and helplessness.

“… Please.” “No…”

The voice was so quiet and yet, so resolute. It was her voice, but this was not his Shira… It could not be. Her averted eyes fell back to her lacerated arm. He did not want to spook her into doing something stupid. So, he sat there and followed her gaze, with his heart in his throat. It did not stop him from choking out the question.

“Why are you doing this?” -

No one ever means to make something about themselves. It just happens. It is all one knows.

“Because…” She did not really have an answer. But she had wanted something. This started somewhere, with something, with a goal. But somewhere along the way, she forgot what it was. Somewhere in those moments of making precise cuts in her mind and imprecise jagged lines on her arm… She forgot the why.

And now the blood ran too thickly, for her to see the mangled letters and remember. Now all she knew was that she didn’t want to mar the scar of that cigarette burn.  And that the piece now loitered dangerously close to making a line she knows she should not. To crossing a line she knows she should not.

She looked at him, the soft glow of his face. The black and white of their existence and the silver and red that was held in between.  

“What’s the point?”

She did not want to die. But, she also did not see the point. -

Jared was not really a romantic. But he did love, the best he could. Perhaps, what he did next was very wrong. In that desperate moment, he acted with the coldest, logical instinct - one that was more doused in passion than he would ever want to admit. He reached for the pocket-knife he had stowed away and flicked it open silently. The click drew her attention. She was watching now. There was a lethality to the way she regarded him, from behind the curtain of her drenched tresses. 

Jared didn’t seek to make a mockery of this by copying her gash for gash. He had his own point to make… about the pointlessness. And he got straight to it. He held the knife somewhere above the carved scrawl of her name. He did not wince as he made a small slice of his own. If he made his line, it would strike through her handiwork. Slice through the name he had actually grown accustomed to wearing.

A part of him wanted to. The part that hated this. Hated that she could hold her life, over his. Hated that he was now holding his over hers.

“There isn’t one.” He said. 

Now they sat, staring at the invisible lines that they could make… that they could cross… but did not. Till she recanted, after she noticed her name on his arm. Noticed what she would lose. What they would lose. “I’m sorry… It’s- It’s not what it looks like… Not exactly.” She sounded a little more like his Shira now.

Were there parts of her, he was refusing to see? Were their parts he had refused to make his own? He had refused to give up parts of him to her… Maybe it worked the other way around too… "We should... Talk" "Can we... talk?" She suggested and he asked. They spoke over one another, ending in sync. She dropped the shard. He snapped the knife close. Tags: @lettuceknighted, @quirkykayleetam

[thirdmagic]

anyway now that i'm finally back on browser and can write long posts, full spoilery thoughts on rise of skywalker

i had a lot of time to think about it and honestly the more i did the more i went from 'i liked and was ok with most of it until the ending' and now the more i actually thought about it the more it progressed to 'actually, i kind of hate it, and there are individual moments that are very good that i love and then the ending ruins that too and now it rings horribly hollow and now i'm just sad and disappointed and also baffled at this whole movie'

first of all, the good part is: REYLO REYLO REYLO REYLO REYLO REYLO REYLO R E Y L O

i admit i had a very embarrassing reaction of pure unfiltered joy when they kissed because it was such a perfect moment, but also, in general? all the bits involving these two were easily the strongest and the most compelling. a lot of other very stupid bad moments tangled in between, but on the whole, when it was just them, their dynamic, their force bond, it was really intense and spicy and so resonant and beautiful all at one. i love them so so so much. their dynamic is SO juicy and good, their fights were amazing and gorgeous and also spicy and intense, and then the bits of palpatine fight where they interact without any words and just look at each other and you can just tell exactly what's going on without them even needing to say anything, the way they smile at each other and the love in their eyes, the tenderness in every motion, the encouragement when they see each other through the force bond in the middle of the ritual and rey just knows.... these moments are some of the best filmmaking in this whole movie.

unfortunately that was also when we got the bizzare exposition dump on her dumb backstory retcon that's very very delicately done so as to still be consistent with tlj and and this brings me to rey palpatine, which, on the one hand, is kind of the only rey heritage theory i'd ever accept and (ironically) the lesser of several evils that the heritage theories are, but also the undoing of what was really, really compelling in tlj about rey nobody and the horrible waste of potential that came from rey being a Nobody McNothing, her search for identity and ultimately accepting that it doesn't actually make her lesser as a human being, the potential that this movie is when she'll face her insecurities and emptiness and accept herself and find and forge her own path.... and also honestly it's dumb. it's really really dumb. if it had been built up to in any way in any of these movies, that would be one thing, and i actually find a lot of rey's struggles really interesting in concept but just awful and messy and forced in execution, and the idea of rey struggling with being good against an evil legacy and her own darkness is really compelling too, but rey doesn't need to be a palpatine or to want revenge on her actually good parents when being abandoned and alone her whole life is a very very good reason for her to have anger and hatred and darkness to struggle with. it also implies that she's evil because her great grandpa who she never met is evil and because genetics as opposed to like....... again, being abandoned and sold by two asshole jerk parents and having to repress the awful trauma of that her whole life and being unable to come to terms with it, which was interesting, and powerful, and very very real, and then it just throws away a really compelling set up for something really boring and bad. and then an ending for her that has no impact or emotional resonance and makes no sense and isn't in the least bit satisfying.

i will say though that i love love LOVE the dark rey fight, it was a vision but in the exact right Symbolic way, i loved rey struggling with her darkness in theory and it was the one and only part that was executed well, it was truly something that felt like it belonged here, it was eerie and intense and good. and unfortunately not properly followed on in any interesting way.

there were a few jokes that i liked and found funny! the way c3po says 'irony, sir' when poe asks him 'why can you not talk when we NEED you to' has me losing my shit, that was great, and also poe lighting the flashlight when rey uses her lightsaber as one was also hilarious. in general there were definitely a few actually purposefully funny moments that i liked.

ben's whole storyline up til the end was the only thing that really felt consistent and on track imo, a few missteps but mostly stayed solid, and I was very happy to get my bendemption. i can't describe how emotional i got at the scene with han and him throwing away his evil red saber and him calling han 'dad', and the force awakens callback-- i don't know why han is back as a ghost or if that's just a symbolic illusion or whatever, i don't care. adam driver is magnificent, and seeing him as ben again, seeing him comfortable with himself, and happy, on the light side, being playful while fighting and messing with the knights of ren because he’s so powerful and confident in his power, was worth everything. if there's one thing this movie really did right is that it made me suddenly realize that i actually love kylo-ben and also made me realize that i was so much more invested in his happiness than i thought, and unfortunately it made me realize this right as the story gave him maybe a few minutes or seconds of real joy and a beautiful sincere happy smile and then killed him off, and that's when i felt my soul being crushed.

look, i don't have tragic endings, okay, i don't hate even bittersweet endings, the purpose of an ending is to be satisfying and wrap up and tie together all the story strands in a way that makes sense for the story. that's not what this was. i would be willing to forgive the fact that the rest of the movie was a big stupid mess if it had just given the whole saga a proper ending, if it had been like umineko episode 8 which is also a big mess but with a perfect, beautiful, satisfying ending for the entire vn. but instead this just ruined everything, and made me feel miserable, hollow, and sad. this specific story, and trilogy, and nine part saga, did not need that kind of ending. we had a tragic and bittersweet ending for the first two, a happy ending to redeem all the misery of the skywalkers would have felt sincere instead of saccharine because you feel that they fought for it. and it would be a good complement to the rest of the movies and the message. instead we have two people who have both been lonely and emotionally isolated their entire lives finding solace and happiness and comfort in each other, finally finding a true connection and someone who understands them, but only getting to be together for all five minutes before the story rips them apart. and for what? what is this trying to say? what is the point? what is the point of doing that to either of them? how does this serve the story? what is the purpose of this? the tragedy and the depressing ending of the prequels is purposeful and intended and is done to make a point, because it's the story of a fall from the very start, by design, by its very premise. the tragedy of umineko is purposeful and done to make a point because it is about how these tragedies happen, and why, and the human behaviors that lead to them. how is it a good ending and how does it serve and complement anything in the rest of the saga to have one tragedy and one happy story with a bittersweet ending be concluded with a hollow pretension of a happy ending where one main character is miserable his entire life and dies when he’s still young after only a taste of the happiness that’s been denied to him, and the other loses her soulmate and is alone and surrounded by people who she herself said don't really know and understand her? taking on the name of a more famous family as if that's the only way she can forge and identity and meaning for herself?

ben's death actually had me so down and so sad i can't even be angry, honestly. the rest of the movie was full of dumb shit, it's like 80% mcguffin chasing with barley any actual character development or any substance and meat to it, rey-finn-poe have no chemistry because they were never supposed to have because they were never meant to be the trio of the movies until oscar isaac convinced jj to let poe live and that messed everything up because the thematic trio of these movies is finn-rey-ben, rose being sidelined because we need to please the racists who are threatened by her existence i guess and her relationship to finn ignored, the absolute waste of all the new characters and the incredibly stupid hux reveal that's also for naught right afterwards, rey's force lightning, the chewie death fakeout, the entire final battle being a big mess, finn not doing anything interesting or meaningful, the general weird bizarre baffling writing and dialogue choices and how it reads and plays out like something completely disconnected from not just the rest of the trilogy but the entire 9 movies and feels like a messy rough draft that a completed screenplay, and the all over the place pacing and everything... i would have accepted this is a weird, entertaining, fun movie if it weren't for the horribly depressing ending that makes what the creators apparently thinks is a happy ending ring terribly hollow and make me unable to find any joy in it. it's just so depressing i don't have the energy to even be fired up about hating it and i sincerely cannot for the life of me understand why it went this way. how is 'if you're miserable your entire life and make bad choices because of it your only way to redeem yourself is to sacrifice your life and have your one chance at happiness taken away from you because you don't deserve to live past your attempts to fix your mistakes and don't get to have a better life for your efforts'? how is that supposed to mesh with the rest of the story? how is that hopeful or uplifting or anything this saga is supposed to be? what even is this movie about other than the old and tried and redone ten million times 'believe in yourself and the friends you made along the way' message that means nothing at this point?

so yeah. thing bad. and i don’t even have the energy to be salty or angry. i’m just sad and disappointed and depressed about it all. and you know, coming from me, i’m very lenient and can find the good in nearly anything and can appreciate a lot of flawed and otherwise messy media for what it tries to do and for the good it does have. i love all the movies in the saga and i’m still a prequel fan. and the fact that i found this to be so disappointing and unsalvageable and tried to be positive about it and failed should tell you something. 

anyway i'm going to go get a warm blanket, some ice cream or other comfort food while i go watch tlj again to cleanse myself and remember what good movies made by people who understand what's important are like, and maybe go watch marriage story and whatever other stuff adam driver is in, and find a way to watch knives out again, and then binge on the most self indulgent reylo fanfic i can find and a lot of fix-its to heal my soul. i'm not going to stop liking or caring about star wars, or this trilogy, which had one very pleasant solid movie and one excellent and fantastic one, and plenty of other good content out there, just because the last movie dropped the ball so hard, but i am going to stew in my sadness and angst about it for a good long while.

[self-shipper-snowdrop]

30 Day Selfship Challenge; Day 11 Part Two - Soulmate AU

Here is the fic I promised- please enjoy!

——————

Bronwen had suspected something from the very beginning. On the first day, when Bronwen had seem Shoto’s two-tone hair that matched her soul flowers, hidden underneath the shoulders of her button-up top and blazer of her uniform- white on the right, red on the left. But she didn’t dare approach, not waning to assume anything based off something as silly as hair colour. But that feeling just never went away; and others who were close to her had noticed the similarity themselves.

“Your flowers are the same colour as that one dumbass’ hair.” Katsuki remarked as they met up to walk to the training grounds, wearing their hero uniforms for the first time, “I don’t care much about this flower junk, but that seems like something you’d want to talk to him about.”

Bronwen had shook her head then, brushing a bit of hair behind her ear, “And risk embarrassing myself? No way. I’ll look so stupid walking up to him, blabbering about soulmates only to find that I was misreading a coincidence…”

Katsuki rolled his eyes. “Coincidence? As fucking if. Two flowers, red and white? Two-tone hair, also red and fucking white? If whatever the fuck decides soulmates was being any more obvious, you’d have each other’s names written all fucking over each other’s faces.”

Bronwen still didn’t go near Shoto that day. But she didn’t stop thinking about it, either.

Little did she know, neither did Shoto. He’d seen the flowers that day- her hero uniform exposed her shoulders, letting him notice she didn’t have one, but two. Two that matched him. It’d made him wonder, think about why or how on earth someone could have two soul flowers, but at the time he was too fixated on his goal to go up to her. Bronwen was just another student; flowers in that colour could be a coincidence, he’d thought. If it really was that they were fated to be, then they’d end up in contact one way or another. He didn’t need to think about it. That was just his attitude at the time- but then the sports festival changed more than he ever could have expected.

Bronwen had found herself placed in third. She’d fought hard to reach that spot, and something had stirred in Shoto’s heart watching her. Even with his gym uniform partly burned away, his soul flower now on display- a single, pristine red rose- he found himself compelled to check his own theory. To check the feeling they secretly shared.

The brunette hadn’t expected it when Shoto suddenly took her arm in the halls, pulling her aside- out of view of anyone, and especially of any professional heroes who may have been wandering the halls. She’d looked at him in confusion, but when they both saw his rose glowing and blooming a little bit more, they paused. Bronwen didn’t say anything as she carefully unzipped her gym uniform’s jacket, pulling it off to view her own flowers. Both were glowing like gentle stars, the tones a perfect mirror of his. It was obvious then- this didn’t happen for just anyone.

“So you’re my soulmate after all…? I thought that my suspicion… that it was just me going crazy.” Bronwen stated, “But to think somebody like you ended up as my soulmate. I didn’t think I’d be quite so lucky.”

Shoto took her hand in his, moving it towards the stem of the rose, “…I could say the same. I should have spoken to you when we were training, I apologize for ignoring you for so long. But perhaps… it’s for the best. I don’t think I was in the proper state of mind to meet you.”

“That’s okay. We’re here now, aren’t we?” She smiled, gently pulling on the flower. It came off clean, without a single trace of it left behind- the final seal that they were destined. Knowing what to do, Bronwen pulled them flower close and gently smelled it, the blossom then turning entirely into crystal before she returned it to Shoto. “I’m not sure how this is supposed to work with two flowers… maybe pick them at the same time?”

Shoto nodded softly, “I was thinking as much.”

With a gentle tug to each at the same, they both came free at once. Moving the carnation and the salvia into the same hand, he then brought them up to his own nose, carefully inhaling the soft scent. They mingled together, as if meant to be but one blossom- in truth, it made him think of what he learned from this festival. If destiny used two flowers to represent him, but now in this moment had him bringing them together, then surely… it must mean something for his powers too. That he was supposed to accept himself. Just another sign that he was not his father; that his flames were his own. Just like how both these soul flowers were meant as her hint to find him, his powers were entirely his. But, a he watched the flowers crystallize, he pushed those thoughts aside. He wouldn’t make the mistake of neglecting his destined.

Bronwen’s eyes had gone wide seeing the flowers turn to crystal- they formed differently than any other she’d seen before. Most flowers forced into something yo could tuck behind your ear, or clip onto a suit; but this became something entirely different. The stems grew out and twisted, coiling around one another and taking shape- and once finally fully crystallized, the couple saw that the soul flowers had formed a crown of sorts. Almost like a crystal garland, perfectly tailored to Bronwen. Shoto didn’t need a cue to place it onto her head, the entire circlet perfectly fitting onto her head- with the white carnation appearing almost tucked behind her ear, and the red salvia matching on the opposing side.

“It suits you.” Shoto said, daring to take her hand, “I suppose that we should return to the others now, shouldn’t we?”

She nodded a little, already walking back towards the change rooms where everyone wood be gathering.

“Yeah. I can’t say I’m not excited to break the news.”

[callanthea]

How Lan WangJi’s Character Could Be Improved

@arsnovacadenza​​ recently commented that Lan WangJi isn’t a super compelling character, and I wanted to share my thoughts on this subject!

First and foremost, let’s just make this clear: Lan WangJi is a very good and likable person. He’s always willing to help someone in need, he’s badass, he’s extremely hardworking and studious, he’s very generous and kind, he’s really warm and loving towards WWX, etc. etc. This point is pretty much undeniable. 

However, just because someone is a good person does not mean that they are a compelling character!! 

What do I mean by compelling character? I mean a character who has relatable thoughts, motivations, and development. A character with multiple sides and facets, with various flaws and strengths that are displayed over the course of the plot. A character who you could legitimately see as a real human being.

With these traits in mind, there are two areas of LWJ’s character that I take issue with.

1) LWJ never truly grows much as a character. His only real development was to fall in love with WWX and become less stuffy. This development happens extremely early (when he’s a teenager), and he never changes after this has finished. This is because LWJ never makes any mistakes, so he never has a chance to learn from those mistakes. 

[EDIT: Don’t get me wrong, I very much enjoyed LWJ’s development in the flashbacks when he learned to stop repressing himself. But in the present-day story, he really doesn’t go through any changes at all. Sure, you can say him having finished his character arc in the flashbacks is the whole point, but IMO it’s more than a little awkward for LWJ’s character arc to be over before the story has actually begun.]  

(By “mistake”, I mean something the story acknowledges as a mistake. Defending WWX at SPOILER LOCATION was not a mistake, being unsuccessful in taking WWX back to Gusu was not a mistake. The story never treats these like bad decisions, and LWJ never learns anything from them. LWJ has absolutely no regrets about these actions, and would gladly try to do them again.) 

By the time of WWX’s resurrection, LWJ is already too perfect and has nowhere else to grow.

[Compare this to another Kuudere archetype love interest, He Xiuyuan in Poor and Humble Sect. One of the key plot points in that story is how He Xiuyuan goes through immense struggles to suppress his inner shameful nature and desires. He Xiuyuan was also aware of his unintelligence compared to the MC, and initially wanted to be a mindless follower of the MC. These are real character flaws that must be overcome. And of course, it’s super fulfilling when He Xiuyuan allows himself to chase his true desires and gains the confidence to stand alongside the MC as an equal.]

2) LWJ’s motivations are all related to protecting WWX. The moment that WWX reappears, LWJ drops literally everything else in favor of making WWX stay by his side. Okay, don’t get me wrong--based on the sheer tragedy of WWX’s life before his first death, the only way he would ever get a happy ending would be if someone always stood by his side, believed in him, and supported him. But believe it or not, a person can have more than one motivation. It’s a little uncomfortable that Wei Wuxian is Lan Wangji’s entire world for literally all of the  present-day story scenes. The story would be more interesting IMO if a) Lan Wangji had other obligations/goals besides being so incredibly (almost slavishly) devoted to WWX, or b) Lan Wangji’s devotion to WWX was treated with at least some appropriate consequences by the story.

[Compare this to the love interest in MXTX’s previous novel: Luo Binghe in Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System. Luo Binghe was absolutely obsessed with the MC there, but the MC was realistically very uncomfortable with this level of obsession. This became a point of conflict between the two. Overcoming this conflict made their relationship much stronger and their character development more satisfying.]

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The combination of these two points leads to something strange: MDZS is not Lan WangJi’s story at all. It’s very very much Wei Wuxian’s story, while Lan Wangji kind of just... tags along. 

I mean, it’s really nice that MDZS is so focused on world-building and plot that the romance can take a backseat. But I find it strange that almost all the side characters are more interesting/complex (IMO) than the main love interest. Literally every other character in MDZS makes mistakes, and then develops and/or suffers as a result. Even Mianmian grows more than LWJ did, despite her very little screen-time.

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So how could LWJ’s character be improved in my opinion? Again, I have two solutions so far.

1) Play up and analyze LWJ’s flaws over the course of the story. 

LWJ does actually have flaws when you look closely enough, it’s just that the current story doesn’t really treat those flaws as flaws (LWJ doesn’t receive any negative consequences for them). I mentioned that all his motivations are related to protecting WWX--that kind of blind faith can be a flaw! In fact, Lan Xichen suffers because of a similar degree of devotion/faith towards Jin GuangYao. 

-What if the story played up that parallel between the two Lan brothers, and led to their relationship worsening (at least temporarily, before it got better)? 

-What if the public opinion of Lan Wangji went down the drain because of his defense of WWX? Imagine an arc where LWJ and WWX were /both/ on the run.

-WWX’s negative character traits are wonderfully examined through the use of Jin GuangYao and Xue Yang as foils, “what Wei Wuxian could have been.” So, what if LWJ’s negative character traits were similarly analyzed through an antagonist who was LWJ’s foil? (No, I don’t mean Su She. Fuck Su She, he is garbage both as a person and as a character. He has the stupidest motivation imaginable: “hurr durr I hate Lan Wangji for being too perfect, so I’m gonna be evil now.” His entire existence is such an obvious straw man designed by the author purely to make Lan Wangji look good in comparison.) 

I think a perfect third major antagonist would be someone whose main flaw is their undying devotion out of love, which drives them to increasingly villainous acts. Think someone like Wen Zhuliu, but with a bigger role in the story, preferably replacing Su She. Confronting this kind of antagonist would give LWJ the opportunity to grow and prove he won’t make the same mistakes as that character. 

2) Give LWJ a more complex character dynamic with WWX.

I think MDZS would be more interesting if LWJ and WWX disagreed more in the present day. If LWJ was more hostile towards demonic cultivation, if he and WWX legitimately fought over this issue. If LWJ felt more conflicted about WWX’s past crimes when he went berserk at Buyetian. If WWX wanted to reconnect with his old life but LWJ disagreed, and the two had an argument. 

As it is right now, there’s never any real conflict between WWX and LWJ besides the usual “hmmmm should we be a couple???” 

Seriously, just compare the complexity of the LWJ-WWX dynamic to the JC-WWX dynamic or the Three Brothers dynamic, it’s not even fair. 

I’m not asking that LWJ and WWX hate each other, hell no. But you can love someone without worshiping their every move. You can love someone and still think they are making a mistake. In fact, you need conflict in order for a relationship to come out more powerful and resilient than it was before.

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All in all, I like Lan WangJi’s character just fine. He serves his purpose in the current story very well. I just do not love him the way I love many other characters in MDZS. I’m disappointed that he didn’t get the full character depth/development/exploration he deserves, especially since so many other characters in MDZS do. Lan WangJi deserves to be more than just the “ideal perfect boyfriend” character. He deserves to be as deep as a real human being too.

[katiekat1321]

The Master and The God (part 4)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

When you stepped through the portal and into the conference room on the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier Nick Fury was waiting for you. He turned on his heel and spoke as he walked away, you assumed you were meant to follow him. “Okay, we don’t have much time to test you, work on your cover story, get you into the system, and send you off with the Gods so let’s get moving,” he explained.

He brought you to what looked like a cargo hold. It was a bit torn apart, crates smashed, and their contents scattered, but the walls and floor were still there so it seemed to have been strong enough to withstand whatever it had already been through.

There was no warning given; Fury turned around, cocked his gun, and fired it at you. You barely had time to create a small shield to block it. When the next bullet came you were more prepared, you formed a portal that shot the bullet back at him, just inches from his head. This continued on for a few more minutes, until he seemed satisfied with your blocking and defensive techniques.

“Okay,” Fury started, placing his gun back in its holster, “now show me what you can really do.”

If you were going to fight with your magic, you thought it best to be done in the mirror dimension. With a quick movement of your hands the world around you looked like shards of glass. Fury looked surprised, which based on what you had seen of him already was probably very uncommon. You smirked a bit as rotated the world, so the wall was now the floor, just to throw Fury off his game. Then you pulled out the Staff of the Living Tribunal, stretching it out and whipping it in a figure eight pattern. You could feel the relic humming with magical energy and you started your attack. You had to admit Fury was pretty quick and still had a few of his own tricks up his sleeve. After a few good hits you stashed the staff back in its own holster before creating weapons with your magic. You wanted to let Fury know you didn’t need your relic to be a formidable opponent, but eventually you grew bored with that tactic.

Fury was honestly impressed by what you could do. He was about to call it quits and announce that you had his seal of approval when he saw a shift in your eyes, they glowed a fiery orange for a split second while you mumbled something in another language. Fury watched you shoot both hands out in front of you suddenly and he was forced onto his knees, as if you made gravity pull on him stronger. They came the burning, it wasn’t unbearable. He could tell you were holding back, but it wasn’t burning his skin, it was like he was burning from the inside, like there was acid in his veins. Then it just stopped, you had put your arms down and walked up to him, offering to help him up.

When you offered your hand, you sent a little healing spell to him to ease his body, normally people weren’t used to mystic attacks like that.

“I’ll admit,” Fury started as stood up and brushed himself off, “that was impressive. You’re very strong, if only you had been fighting Loki instead of clearing out buildings. The fight would have ended a lot sooner.”

You frowned at that and decided not to mention that you had gone to Loki during the fight. Yes, you helped Professor Selvig, but you could have restrained Loki or stepped in sooner. The thought that you should have stepped in the moment you sensed that Loki arrived had been eating at you. You still weren’t sure why you didn’t. No matter how hard you pushed that thought to the back of your mind it would crawl its way back to the forefront.

You shook your head and smiled, pushing the thoughts away yet again, “The Ancient One taught us to not dwell on the past. We should worry more about what is to come.”

Fury agreed and brought you back to the conference room to create your cover story. “S.H.I.E.L.D. has learned that if you create a story for someone else, they don’t always stick to it,” Fury said with a sigh as he referenced the whole I am Iron Man mess, “And we’ve also found that having a story rooted in truth is easier for people to remember. So, tell me, how did you end up at Kamar-Taj?”

You sensed Director Fury was telling the truth, but that he also wanted more information on you. You knew any background checks on you would bring back little information and because Fury was one of the world’s best spies, not being knowing more about you and being able to infer your motivations and actions frustrated him.

“I ended up at Kamar-Taj for the same reason as many people, for healing,” you began, “I had knee problems from a very young age. The muscles and tendons didn’t work together, and my knee cap wasn’t in the right place. They dislocated a lot and caused me to break some other bones. I was in wheelchairs and physical therapy for a lot of my youth. However, I managed to live my life, I traveled and studied abroad, I went to college, studying intercultural relations and psychology, and nearly finished my degree. Then one day there was an accident. I was rear-ended and the accident… it crushed my knees. The doctors had to do an extreme reconstruction surgery and they thought it would help me in the long run. They reconstructed everything, the knee cap, the ligaments, the whole 9 yards and everything was in the proper places. But when I finally learned how to re-walk in physical therapy my stability was even worse than before.”

You could hear Fury quickly typing on his keyboard, making notes of some key points you mentioned. You had paused for too long apparently because Fury glanced up, causing you to quickly start speaking again, “My mom took me to doctors all over the country to see why my knees were worse and what could be done to help fix me, but no one seemed to have an answer. We ended up in New York City, sightseeing between doctor’s appointments when an odd couple approached me. The man was strong and gruff looking, kind of like a Neanderthal in some ways, but he had kind eyes. The woman had long flowing dark hair and powerful eyes. They were walking an orange tabby cat. Which was weird, but New York City is already so weird that I assumed it was somewhat common. They said they could bring me somewhere that could help, and I felt compelled to go with them, so I did. They brought me to the New York sanctum and lead me to the door to Kamar-Taj and then they just disappeared.”

Those were all the important details, the ones that would matter to Director Fury at least. You left out that when you told the Ancient One how you ended up in the sanctum everyone was shocked. That many believed you were chosen by the Vashanti for a greater purpose. Others told you that the Vashanti hadn’t don anything like this in centuries, so they must have seen something powerful in you.

This made your first couple weeks at Kamar-Taj very stressful. You learned slowly, but people acted like you should have been a natural and picked up the magic much quicker. You didn’t really progress much until the Ancient One explained that you could leave at any time. You thought back to her words, I know you think people are expecting great things from you, but you owe them nothing. Even if the Vashanti brought you here, you can simply learn enough magic to heal yourself and go back to your life. Do not let others stop you from doing what you need to. Follow your path, where ever it may lead you.

It may have been a simple message, but it was what you needed to hear then. It helped you to control your magic and energy enough to heal yourself. And when the time came for you to decide if you wanted to go back to your life or stay and become a Master of the Mystic Arts you chose to stay.

“Okay, read over this and let me know if you have any thoughts,” Fury said, turning the laptop to you. You read over a short paragraph vaguely based on your life. Your cover story was that you were a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who had been injured on a mission, but rather than letting you go you were instead given a diplomatic position, now to be an ambassador to Asgard. “You can use all your real childhood memories, your college major lines up with this career field, basically everything before Kamar-Taj is fair game to talk about if anyone asks. I’m going to forward you some mission synopsis files as well to memorize so it’ll seem like you’ve been with us for a while before your injury that basically gave you a ��desk job’. You’re perfect for this position, just based on appearance you’re entirely unassuming. You look soft,” Director Fury said as he took the laptop back. You raised an eye brow at that comment, sure plenty of people assumed a heavier girl couldn’t do what you could, but it also makes the idea of you being an agent a little harder to believe. You were about to point this out when Fury continued, “That’s what makes the perfect agent, someone people underestimate, someone people don’t expect. S.H.I.E.L.D. agents come in every size, shape, and color miss y/n. But most importantly, you seem like you’re strong enough to stand a chance at fighting a God. I expect regular updates on the situation in Asgard. We need to know what we could be up against.”

“You do know the Asgardians mean to do us no harm, right?” You said, a bit confused. He acted like he was sending you behind enemy lines to collect intel, “They have always fought with us in the past and helped protect Midgard, I mean, Earth. Loki is misguided, but he was a rogue extremist at best.”

Fury sighed. “That’s about what Thor tells me too, but I prefer to always have the upper hand if possible. One last thing,” he added, “can you make your stick stand out a little less?”

You snorted, “I can ask the staff to take a more discreet form.” Fury raised an eyebrow at that response, asking you to elaborate. “The staff is a relic. It contains magic that is too strong for a human to possess. This is the Staff of the Living Tribunal,” you stretched it out again to show off the energy flowing within it. “If it choses too it can take another form itself,” you reply as it turns itself into an ordinary looking cane. You take a moment to silently thank the staff for playing nice.

Fury left you then, saying another agent would be coming by soon to get you your badge, a S.H.I.E.L.D. shirt, and those mission files. You decided to attempt to meditate, but thoughts kept flowing through your mind. You went over the last couple of hours and realized that you were not going to be able to stick to Fury’s plan. It seemed he wanted you to try and infiltrate Asgard without anyone learning you were a Master of the Mystic Arts, or anything other an average human. But Loki had already seen you, the guard Heimdall would be watching out for you, and it would be a miracle if the All-Father couldn’t sense your energy the moment he saw you. You could not keep your status a secret from everyone, but perhaps you could keep Thor unaware for some time. You would need to figure something out and create some interesting excuses as time went on, but you couldn’t have him asking Nick Fury why he sent a magician home with him.

You spent the night in a room on that helicarrier and in the morning you got ready to leave for Asgard. You got dressed in a pair of black jeans, the S.H.I.E.L.D. shirt you were given, a cardigan, and a pair of sneakers. Nick Fury met you by a sleek looking black SUV, your bag already in the back, and drove you to where the Avengers were saying their goodbyes to each other.

The two of you stepped out of the car and immediately saw Natasha give you a look, sizing you up and trying to figure out who you were. Fury went directly to Thor and explained that S.H.I.E.L.D. would like you to go with him to Asgard. “She was one of our best agents and one of the brightest minds we have. If the World Security Council knows we have someone with you who can tell us if something goes wrong, I think I can shut down those dangerous Phase II weapons.” Captain America overheard this and stepped in, telling Thor that this might be a good idea.

You stopped listening to their conversation when you locked eyes with Loki. He had a muzzle of sorts on, but his eyes gave him away. He was shocked and amused to see you here. You do have quite a few tricks up your sleeves don’t you, darling? You heard him think.

You smirked and looked down to your feet, More than you perhaps? You thought back in response. In the corner of your eye you could see his eye brow raise ever so slightly. It seemed he was underestimating you yet again.

Thor agreed to bring you to Asgard, though mentioned his father may not be pleased with a Midgardian guest coming with no warning. “I’m sure he will warm up to me quickly,” You said, one hand on your Staff cane, bag on your back, and taking a hold of the Tesseract’s containment unit, having to share the handle with Loki. I’d love to see that, Loki thought with a scoff just before Thor put a hand on your shoulder to steady you and turned the handle, transporting you to Asgard.

**If you would like to be added to the tag list for this fic send me an ask!

Tag List: @fiery-feyre @missaphrodite23 

Part 5 -->