#but sometimes ill look at what people do and enjoy and i want it too but its not for me it was never for me

[weirdlizard26]

me: tries so hard to fit in that i change myself in the process

me: ohhhh wait im neurodivergent and queer and not just broken! that changes everything, i no longer need to change myself to fit in

me: tries so hard to fit in that i cha

[vanessagillings]

I’m posting the ever-so-rare photo of myself alongside one of my characters based on my childhood because today is World Autism Acceptance Day, and I wanted to show my little corner of the internet who this particular autistic person is:  

I was officially diagnosed in February, at age 38 (I’m now 39). A lot of people thought I couldn’t be autistic.  Some people who know me in real life still don’t.  And until around 10 years ago, I didn’t think I could be either, because I was nothing like the stereotype media portrays. I was told that autistics lacked empathy (untrue), and never played make-believe (also often untrue) and only enjoyed STEM.  I was — and am — an empathetic artist -- and make believe?  I can spend days sketching finely bedecked bears brewing tea or carefully choosing the right words to weave tapestries of fiction — though perhaps my hyper focus was a bit of a red flag.  Even so, how could autism describe me?  I was a good student.  I got straight A's. I didn’t act out in class.  I can make eye contact…if I must.  And lots of girls hate having their hair brushed with an unholy passion, right?  Clearly I swim in sarcasm like a fish, so autism couldn't be why I was so anxious all the time, could it?

If someone had told me when I was younger what autism ACTUALLY is — instead of the nonsense I’d seen on screens — I would have seen myself in it.  I didn’t hear that autistics have sensory issues until I was in my mid-twenties, which is when I first began to really research autism symptoms, and I had almost all of them:  sensitivity to light, smells, fabrics, temperatures, textures, and certain touches, all of which make me feel anxious, I fidget (stim), I never know what the hell to do with my hands or where to look, I talk too little or too much, I have special interests, I have entire animated movies memorized shot-by-shot and can remember the first time and place I saw every movie I've ever seen but I often forget what I'm trying to say mid-sentence, I echo movies and tv shows (my husband and I have a whole repertoire of shared echolalias, making up about 20% of our conversations), I was in speech therapy as a kid, I have issues with dysnomia and verbal fluency, I toe-walk, I can't multitask to save my life, I like things just-so, I’m deeply introverted but not shy, I need to recover from all social interaction — even social interaction I enjoy — and I find stupid, every day things like grocery shopping, driving and making appointments overwhelming and intensely stressful, sometimes to the point where I struggle to speak.  It turns out, I am definitely autistic. My results weren't borderline. Not even close. And while these aren’t all of my challenges, and not everyone with these symptoms is autistic, it’s definitely something to look into if you present with all of these things at once. 

So why did it take me so long to get diagnosed? The same bias that exists in media threads through the medical community as well, and because I'm a woman who can discuss the weather while smiling on cue, few people thought I was worth looking into. Even after I was fairly certain I was autistic, receiving an official diagnosis in the US is unnecessarily difficult and expensive, and in my case, completely uncovered by my insurance.  It cost me over $4000, and I could only afford it because my husband makes more money than I do as a freelance illustrator — a job I fell into largely because it didn’t require in-person work; like many autists, I have been chronically underemployed and underpaid, in part due to physical illness in my twenties, which is a topic for another day.  But it shouldn’t be like this.  It shouldn’t be so hard for adults to receive diagnoses and it shouldn’t be so hard for people to see themselves in this condition to begin with due to misinformation and stereotypes. Like many issues in America, these barriers are even higher for marginalized groups with multiple intersectionalities. 

It’s commonly said that if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.  This is why it’s called a spectrum, not because there’s a linear progression of severity (someone who appears to have low support needs like myself might need more than it seems, and vice versa), but because every autistic person has their own strengths and weaknesses, challenges and experiences, opinions and needs.  No two people on the spectrum present in the same way.  And that’s a good thing!  No way of being autistic is inherently any better than any other, and even if someone on the spectrum struggles with things I don’t — or can do things I can’t — doesn’t make them more or less deserving of respect and human dignity.

But speaking solely for myself, the more I learn about autism, the happier I am to be autistic.  I struggle to find words and exert fine motor control, but my deep passion and fixation has made me good at art and storytelling anyway.  I find more joy watching dogs and studying leaf shapes on my walks than most people do in an entire day.  More often than not, the barriers I’ve faced weren’t due to my autism directly, but due to society being overly rigid about what it considers a valid way of existing.  My hope in writing this today is that maybe one person will realize that autism isn’t what they thought — and that being different is not the same as being less than. My hope with my fiction is to give autistic children mirrors with which to see themselves, and everyone else windows through which to see us as we actually are.

If you’re interested in learning more about autism or think you might be autistic, too, I recommend the Autism Self Advocacy Network  autisticadvocacy.org and the following books:

What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic by Annie Kotowicz

We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia

Knowing Why edited by Elizabeth Bartmess

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD

Loud Hands edited by Julia Bascom

Neurotribes by Steve Silberman

(trigger warning: the last two contain quite a lot of upsetting material involving institutionalized child abuse, but I think it’s important for people to know how often autistic children were — and are — abused simply for being neurodivergent).

Thanks for reading 💛

[neuvistar]

poly jingren x reader has been on my mind 4 so longgg.. ITS SO BADD. please give me more thirsts or thoughts abt poly!jingren x reader i’m lovin them rn | hint of fluff, mostly nsfw

short lil thirst ! jing yuan + blade x fem!reader (use of she/her pronouns), big dick jing yuan + blade foreal, reader implied 2 be shorter in height, degrading terms (whore, slut, etc), mentions of squirting, mating press + full nelson, SIZE KINK!! SIZE KINK!!, blade’s a lil mean but it’s ok bc it’s blade!, cum cum lots of cum (sounds funny but it’s okay </3) | overall suggestive content minors do not interact

poly!jingren who would have different tolerance of your brattiness. jing yuan having the highest patience for u n blade having the least! you always run to jing yuan whenever blade talks abt punishing u n he thinks it’s soso cute :(( he’s always protecting you, nuzzling against his chest with your arms wrapped around his huge body, ur so cute! a darling you are..

jing yuan always tried dodging the idea of you wearing short skirts in public, why? you would make his dick hard, easy. but, you decided it was a good idea to wear the shortest skirt known 2 mankind one day, paying him a visit at his office. imagine this, jing yuan would be at his office doing work at his desk n all of the sudden you walk in looking all slutty, a short skirt that just barely covers your plushy thighs and ass, he would brush it off at first up until you purposely drop the pen on his desk bending down to pick it up. once you stood up, you would already be bent over his desk. that’s what you wanted, after all. “are you trying to tempt me, dove? because it sure is working.” jing yuan has zero patience whenever you’re acting like a whore in public, he would plant kisses all over your back and pound into you like there’s no tomorrow, his big dick stretching you out :(( choked moans would leave your throat, rambling on about how rough he was being with you, and that people might hear you and walk in, but he didn’t care, infact that was the last of his worries. he savoured the feeling of your tight walls pulsing around his cock, cumming inside and cumming on your panties too! i hope u’ll enjoy the stickiness between your thighs <3 (he’ll snitch to blade too abt it, what a bitch)

poly!jingren would be protective over you, even though they’re a pain to be with sometimes due to their constant arguments and disagreements, dating them does have its benefits. they would stand on either side of you, one on your left and one on your right. geez, you look so cute compared to them, it’s like you were walking around with two dogs on your leash, reading to pounce at anyone who dares speak ill of you or touches you. speaking of size.. i feel like they’d both have a size kink, you’re just so short compared to them they can’t help but fantasize about bending you over and fucking you in different positions, i feel like they both each have their favourites on that.

jing yuan loves putting you in a mating press, he likes it becuz it makes him cum quicker! not even a few thrusts and he’s already cumming inside, loving how you squirt all over his cock. he would press your knees against your chest, folding you in half almost. he would gently draw circles on your knee while the tip of his dick kisses your cervix, he’s so sweet to you though.. whispering praises in your ear. he would catch you off guard sometimes due to how sweet he was with you, not noticing how much he came, staring down at the mess he made in your cunt w cum seeping out </3

blade would absolutely love folding you in a full nelson, bro has sm strength it scares you sometimes. he would hook his arms under your knees, thrusting his hips into you. “sucha’ whore for my cock, aren’t you? you like it when i fuck you hard like this, don’t you?” mmm also also maybe if he’s feeling it, i bet bro would let jing yuan would join too, but he wouldn’t impale you with his dick like blade is, no.. he would rub his cock against your slit, placing kisses on your legs. honestly, jing yuan is your saviour atp. cuz everytime blade folds you in a full nelson, he’s always concerned that he’ll break you, so he tries telling him to ease it up a bit with you <3

poly!jingren would have god like stamina and strength, great speed n strength comes w great consequences! whether it is in a non sexual way or not, i feel like their stamina n strength would be useful in your relationship, its a lil cute since ur kinda shorter in height n they would always tower over u n help i get things from the high shelf or cabinet, it’s so cute! <33 but yet.. it’s a lil scary in bed cuz they can last so long w u and fuck you until you forget your own name, but it’ll be fine!! you can handle them!

poly!jingren both probably didn’t realize they had a size kink until they got intimate with you, it was probably the last of their worries up until one night. blade would probably notice a cute little bump on your stomach, noticing just how small you rlly are compared to them, jing yuan would too! honestly they both just love how their huge cocks slide in and out of your pussy, the bulge on your stomach going down, up, down up, over and over again! you’re just so.. cute they can’t help but stretch your little pussy out a bit.

“cmon sweetheart, you got this. you’re so cute, mhm.. you can handle more right?“

“sure she can, she’s strong girl. if shes— mmp.. squeezing around us like that, i’m sure she can handle more.”

“mm.. mhm. i can see that.” jing yuan leaned down, bringing his voice down to a whisper, “do you like it when we stretch you out with our cocks like this, baby?”

“fuck yeah she does, look at her. she’s creaming on our cocks already. s’ messy.”

poly!jingren who would both try their best to be gentle to you, sometimes it backfires but you don’t seem to mind! what’s very true about them is they both don’t want to hurt you in anyway, sure they fuck you hard enough and punish you but their intentions r never to hurt u, they would always ask you if you’re okay, even if they see the slightest hint of discomfort or pain in your face. especially jing yuan, he’s rlly rlly sweet n same goes to blade but he shows it in his own way. u know that blade doesn’t mean half of the things he says (he knows ur a slut for their cock tho but that’s besides the point) n sometimes he can get carried away but he would apologize with a simple “sorry.” and ask you if he was too rough on you, both r sweethearts yk

[melobin]

જ⁀➴ mirror 𐙚 sungchan

warnings - smut, dom!sungchan, mirror sex, strength kink, size kink, oral f receiving, unprotected sex, praise, dacryphilia, manhandling, choking, big dick!sungchan

wc - 3k

summary - you and sungchan stay in a hotel for the night where there’s a continently placed mirror above the bed.

a/n - a conversation with my love @neosvcr occurred and now this is here! very sorry to my friends over at the discord server …..

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“i’ve never seen a mirror above a bed before” sungchan looked over at you as he emerged from the bathroom, a plain white towel wrapped low around his hips. if you weren’t so distracted by the mirror you would’ve been drooling over him.

“really?”

“mhm” your eyes travelled from the ceiling to your boyfriend, shamelessly flicking straight to his abs. there were still a few droplets of water slowly sliding down them, you let your mouth water at the sight of him “what is it even used for? it’s not very practical” sungchan laughed at your question.

“are you checking me out?” you could only hum in response as you watched him pick up a different towel and bring it to his hair, drying as much of it as he could. his biceps flexed as he done it, toned arms being on full show for you to enjoy “what do you think they use it for, love?” you simply hummed again, too distracted on watching him to answer. he looked up at you and smiled “perv”.

“it’s not my fault” he threw the towel he used for his hair onto the chair in the room and walked over to the bed, sitting next to where you were perched up against the headboard. he brought his hand to your face, brushing your hair out of it before cupping your jaw. he took note of the way your thighs clenched together the closer he got to you.

“then whos fault is it?” his hand fell from your jaw to your bare thigh, mentally thanking you for putting on one of his shirts. it both drowned you and exposed you all at the same time, the shirt being baggy over your skin but the sleeve falling down your right arm exposing your shoulder to him. his shirts always rode up your thighs, especially when you were sat down. it gave him easy access to the parts of you he loved teasing the most.

“yours? why would it be mine? i’m not the one in the gym everyday just because my best friend beat me in an arm wrestle once” sungchan narrowed his eyes at you.

“well he hasn’t beat me since has he? none of them have”

“i know, it’s hot” you placed your hand on his shoulder and let it slide down his arm, stopping on his muscle to dig your fingers into it lightly “you know i love how strong you are, channie” 

“of course i do baby” he leaned forward to press an open mouthed kiss against the exposed skin of your shoulder, hand moving up and squeezing your thigh “my sweet girl” his kisses slowly trailed from your shoulder to your neck, fingers inching toward your panties. “so little and fragile” he pressed the pads of them against your clothed clit, slowly rubbing his fingers up and down the material as he sucked on the skin just below your ear “could break you if i wanted to”.

you whimpered at what he was doing, sungchan always knew how to push your buttons and work you up. he studied your body intense, learning all the ways to make you tick and always used them against you immediately after. he claimed working you up was just a way to make things feel even better for you, but you knew he just enjoyed teasing you. he could be so evil sometimes. 

“why don’t i show you why people have mirrors above their bed, hm? promise ill fuck you real good” he put more pressure against your clit, he was practically moaning his words into your ear. it done nothing to dull the throb he was creating between your legs. 

“please” you whimpered, he pulled away from your neck to look at you. pushing your panties aside with his fingers to feel your soaked cunt directly, he practically hissed when he felt how wet you were. he circled your clit whilst he leaned in to kiss you, lips moulding perfectly against yours. tongue slotting into your mouth when your lips parted to let out a moan. the kiss carried on for a short while before he was pulling away. 

“you’re so wet, did you get that worked up from watching me?” your fingers fell from his biceps to his wrist, wrapping around it as his fingers sped up. your hips bucked slightly against his hand, small whines leaving your lips. 

“you’re just so pretty, channie, can’t help it” your words are broken and slurred, you were a wreck already but to him you were the cutest thing. he found it even cuter when you whined as he pulled his fingers off of you. instead they climbed up your body, under the shirt you were wearing in order to pull it over your head, every part of him adored the fact you lacked clothing underneath. bare tits on display for him. 

“lay down for me, baby” you followed his instructions, laying down properly on the bed, letting your head fall against the pillow before looking at him. he stood up and let his towel fall to the floor, his cock was already hard, it struggled to hold itself up with how heavy it was. precum leaking down the sides, coating his bulging veins. just the sight of sungchan’s cock made you whine, countless memories of how he’d use it to drive you to the bring of insanity with sharp, deep thrusts clouded your mind. you could never get enough of him. 

you expected him to kneel up between your legs and slide his cock into you, but he didn’t. instead he moved to lay down between your legs, hands grabbing the top of your inner thighs inorder to spread your legs further apart. he littered small, open mouthed kisses along the skin of your inner thigh before looking up at you to meet your eyes. his fingers hooked over the waist band of your panties, he pulled them down your legs and let them fall to the floor, almost moaning when he felt how soaked they were. he was quick to return back to his former position

“mmm” he hummed for a moment, digging his fingers a little deeper into your thighs “don’t watch me, just lay back and look into the mirror” you met your own eyes in the mirror above you, your reflection looking back at you. the position let you see sungchan too, or well the back of him. still, your boyfriends back was one of the hottest things about him, especially after you had raked your nails down it as he fucked you. there was excitement lacing through your veins at the idea of being able to see the way his back flexed through the mirror as he fucked you. 

the feeling of his tongue against your cunt brought you out of the daze you were entering, sungchan never held back when he ate you out and you knew he wasn’t going to tonight. his tongue flicked against your swollen clit teasingly, he almost whined as the taste of you filled his mouth. you were always so sweet, always melted delciously on his tongue, it was one of the reasons he always called you his sweet girl. he meant it literally.

sungchan dragged his tongue down your slit, pushing it inside you just to collect more of your slick on your tongue before licking back up to your clit and swirling it around it. he loved making you as wet as possible, nothing was hotter to him than making a complete mess of you. and he always did, especially when he wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked on it until you felt light headed. he placed a hand against your lower stomach to keep you in place whilst he done it.

it was then that your hands went to his hair, he was quick to grab one of them with his free hand and lace your fingers together, squeezing your hand as he continued sucking on your clit, tongue flicking over it. the sight in the reflection seemed filthy. it felt weird watching yourself be ravaged by your boyfriend, but it was hot. something about it felt so intimate and sensual. just the image of you sweating a little, one hand in his and the other in his hair and your body squirming as much as it could under his grip was surreal. you were starting to understand why people enjoyed using mirrors so much.

you felt his hand leave your stomach, moments later he had two fingers pressing into you, your cunt welcoming them eagerly. with how already drenched you were, his fingers slid inside of you easily. he thrust them into you slowly to begin with, that was until he was finger fucking you with his lips wrapped around your clit. fingers curling inside of you, being long enough to press perfectly against the spongy spot that laid deep within your walls. you were a mess, the intensity of the please had your head spinning, you could barely keep your eyes open to focus on the reflection above you.

you were falling apart, your sanity drifting away as you grew closer to spilling onto his tongue. he knew it too. he could tell by the way your moans grew louder, how you pulled a little harder on his hair and how you squeezed his hand impossibly hard to the point it almost hurt him. he loved it though, adored the fact he was pushing you into such a state of ecstasy that you could barely control your actions.

once you were cumming around his fingers you were lost, your eyes shut themselves as you were pushed over the edge. his tongue flicking non stop against your clit, fingers curling resulting in an embarrassingly loud squelching sound to echo throughout the hotel room. your moans almost overpowered the sound of it, especially when you were at the peak of your high. everything felt so intense, it left you shaking when you were coming down from it.

he pressed an open mouthed kiss onto your clit as he slipped his fingers out of you, he knelt back on his knees and looked down at you fondly. your gaze was set on the mirror above you, eyes flicking over your own body in the reflection. you looked so fucked out, sungchan thought you looked pretty like this and he hoped you thought it too.

“so sweet” his fingers ran over your skin, hand still in yours “my sweet girl, gonna fuck you so good, just like i promised” he settled himself properly between your thighs, he held the base of his cock with his hand and pressed it against your cunt. he lifted it before slapping it against your clit, laughing at the way you whined and jolted at the sudden action.

sungchan leaned over you, keeping your hand in his and pinning it against the pillow next to your head. he leaned down to kiss you softly, lips only pressing against yours for a brief few seconds before he was pulling them off of yours and shifting his cock to line up with your hole. he looked down at you whilst he pressed the tip inside of you, his lips parted as he felt you squeeze around him.

“need to relax, baby” he breathed out, already feeling overwhelmed by how wet and warm you were “can’t fit me inside if you’re too tense” you nodded at him, trying your hardest to keep your eyes on his as he stretched you out, easing himself deeper with a gentle whine. you could’ve came just from the sounds he was making, nothing was prettier than the way sungchan moaned when his cock was pressed deep inside of you.

sungchan grabbed your other hand and pinned it on the pillow the other side of your head, keeping you in place with your hands in his. his head found its way into the crook of your neck, hips pressed against yours as he tried to relax himself. you’d swallowed his cock whole, took every inch of him with ease. sungchan remembered the time you struggled to take even half of his cock, now you were here taking all of him eagerly. he was proud but so overwhelmed, nothing compared to the feeling of your soaked little cunt wrapped around his cock.

it only took a few sharp thrusts for your eyes to find the mirror, the reflection showed something that you could only describe as completely sinful. sungchan’s back flexed with each thrust, your legs were wrapped around his waist pushing him deeper into you. it turned you on endlessly, sungchan was sure he felt you gushing around him, clenching with every other thrust. it turned him into a mess. his moans fell into your neck, groaning a little deeper each time you tightened your cunt around him.

“you’re so fucking wet” sungchan found the strength to lift his head out of your neck, pace of his thrusts increasing slightly as he looked at you, finding your eyes glued to the ceiling. they were dark, he was sure he had never seen you so turned on before, so soaked and dazed “you like watching yourself get fucked, baby?” you moaned, eyes barely flicking away from the mirror to meet his eyes, he pressed a soft kiss against your jaw, noticing the way your eyes had filled with tears.

“feel good?” you nodded, whimpering the moment your lips parted when you tried to talk. sungchan’s hips bucked a little harder against yours, a tear fell from your eye at the contact. you felt swollen, poor pussy being fucked raw by him, the feeling was surreal, the pleasure more intense than ever “fuck, you look so pretty when you cry” he leaned down to press a soft kiss against the tear that fell from your eye before slowing his thrusts down, lifting himself up and pulling out of you. you could only whimper at the sudden emptiness you felt.

“what’s wrong?” his heart melted at the way you asked him, your eyes wide and cautious as you watched him. he smiled at you.

“want you to ride me” god, if there was one thing you knew sungchan adored, it was having you ride him. he loved taking control even when you were on top of him, somehow he always found a way to grab you and fuck his cock up into you. it sent you to heaven every time without fail.

he sat down, having part of his back resting against the headboard. he was slouched, he beckoned you to sit on his lap. once you did he grabbed you, it was as if he manhandled you so your back was against his chest. “gonna watch you get fucked together, okay? need to see my pretty girl fall apart” you gulped back a whine at his words, he held his arms around your waist as you reached down to hold his cock, trying your hardest in your shaky state to line him up with you. 

a whimper left you as you sank down on his cock, hands holding onto his toned forearms as you took all of him. the familiar warmth instantly filling you again. your nails dug into his skin when you felt him thrust up lightly into you, your body moulded against his. you met his eyes through the mirror, his eyes looked clouded over, as if he was in a state of delirium. sungchan simply thought that what he was looking at was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen, he needed to wreck you.

he placed his feet flat on the bed, one of his arms leaving your waist so he could wrap his hand around your neck, his other hand fell to your clit as he thrusted up into you. his grip on your neck was tight as he fucked you, cock fucking into you quite fast with strength behind his thrusts. you were dizzy and that only grew as he groaned into your ear.

“you’re so fucking perfect” his eyes never left your body as he fucked up into you, fingers rubbing constant circles on your clit. if he wasn’t as strong as he was, you were sure you would’ve slipped off of his body with how much you were trying to squirm. the overwhelming pleasure made it hard to keep still “you look so little against me, fuck, you drive me insane” he practically groaned his words out.

he was right, it only made you clench around his more as you watched the way his body almost devoured yours. he was ruining you, inside and out, in the best ways possible. everything mixed together left you on the verge of cumming around his cock, yet it was impossible for you to tell him. moans slipped from your lips, you could see the way his cock disappeared inside of you through the mirror and somehow the visual of it only made it harder for you to keep your moans to yourself. sungchan had a good sense of your body though, being able to tell when you were on the edge.

“cum, baby, need you to see how pretty you look when you cum” sungchan’s voice was strained, he was holding himself off from pressing his cock inside of you and filling you with his cum. but he couldn’t, not yet, he needed to watch you cum first. and he did. he watched you squeeze around his cock, felt you dig your nails into his arm as he fucked you through your orgasm, his cum spilling into you only moments after.

his arms wrapped around your waist as you tried to calm down, your thighs shaking from the intensity of your orgasm. your eyes met his in the mirror again, there was a soft smile on his face. both of you were fucked out, on the edge of delirious, but that didn’t stop you from asking him an important question.

“so, when are we getting one?”

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[ageingfangirl2]

I Want A Divorce! Shanks (OPLA)

You get ill and Shanks offers to do your jobs around the ship, but he gets distracted easily and wants your praise. You love the man-child, but sometimes you have to tell him to actually like his age. Shanks x Reader FLUFF!

'You have a high fever so I'm going to recommend bed rest until it breaks, can't have you getting any worse,' Hongo states, placing a cold cloth on your forehead which was nice in your current state.

You cough, 'I guess I can take it easy Hongo.'

Over Hongo's shoulder, you notice Shanks watching and listening intently to the doctor's orders, 'I'm going to do all your jobs so you just rest up.'

You and Hongo snicker sharing a moment, both of you knowing Shanks wouldn't be able to cope with all that you did around the ship without complaining. Hongo pats your shoulder as he gets up from the bed. Shanks immediately takes his spot, tucking you in. You were the fourth crew member to join and the only female, and had been charmed into dating the notorious red-haired pirate.

'I love you darling but you don't even know half of what I do around here,' you whisper, throat sore.

Shanks puffs out his chest proudly, 'I'm going to make you proud, I'm going to do so good everyone will be begging me to do your jobs instead.'

You smile as he leans down and kisses the cold cloth.

TWO DAYS LATER

Shanks bursts through the doors of his quarters which you shared and throws himself on the bed next to you burying his face in a pillow. He could be an overdramatic diva at times but he was your diva. Before you can say anything Lucky walks in holding a tray of food that makes your mouth water and forget your partner.

'How are you feeling? Hongo said you should eat more fruit so I made you a fruit salad for after your soup.'

Ignoring Shanks who was now mumbling into the pillow you sit up and accept the tray of food and glass of water, 'You're all too good to me Lucky. How are the new guys?'

Lucky shrugs his shoulders, 'confused and maybe a little scared because they follow your instructions which makes captain grumpy.'

You nod, 'I'll talk to him. Thanks for the update.'

Lucky leaves and closes the door behind him. Shanks rolls onto his side and reaches for the fruit salad but you swat his hand away, 'My fruit salad captain.'

Shanks pouts, sticking out his bottom lip and shooting you his best puppy dog eyes, 'Why didn't you tell me what you did? I wouldn't have agreed otherwise. I love you, but dealing with the new crew is tedious.'

Just wait until he found out all the other odd jobs you did to help out the rest of the crew, there was a reason people called you mother hen. You pop a slice of apple in your mouth and sigh, 'What do you want me to do darling? Give you a pat on the back? Feed you a treat, give you a belly rub and call you a good boy? It's not easy but you never back down from a challenge. I know you'll give it your all until I get better.'

Shanks sits up and stops pouting, a look of determination in his eyes, 'You're right I can do this. I'm going to make you proud.'

You scoff as he steals some grapes and jumps off the bed with a new lease of life, you really did have him wrapped around your little finger.

FOUR DAYS LATER

Your fever had come down and you didn't feel like death anymore, but Hongo insisted you stay in bed for a few more days. The crew had bets on Shanks he didn't know about, he'd gotten better at doing your jobs but wasn't great. You promised to stay in bed so the crew could make some money off your partner.

THREE DAYS LATER

You were sat up in bed reading the newspaper feeling much better and enjoying relaxing for once. Shanks walks in and climbs on top of you, lying on you with his full weight, 'I know your secret babe,' he chuckles, head now resting on your chest, eyes locked with yours but he doesn't look upset.

You put the paper down and start running your fingers through his hair, 'Hongo asked me to stay in bed longer, I actually enjoyed not having as many responsibilities, makes a nice change. I'm sorry for deceiving you, Shanks.'

Shanks nuzzles into your hands more enjoying the massage, 'Now I know how much you do I want you to slow down. I'll try and help more when I can, and the crew promised to fix their own problems before coming to you for help babe.'

'Thank you. However, you lying on top of me is making parts of my body fall asleep.'

Shanks smirks, 'I'll wake them up when I need them.'

You throw your head back and laugh at his playful and flirty antics, 'I want a divorce.'

Shanks matches your laughter, 'I'm never letting you go, you mean too much to me. Maybe a few years after the marriage you can talk about a divorce.'

For all the years the two of you had been together you weren't engaged, everyone assumed you were married and the two of you kind of went with the flow. Little did you know Shanks wasn't joking about marriage this time around.

[hischierswhore]

clingy

pairing: Lando Norris x gf!Reader

tw: none

a/n: me? writing fluff for once? well it's semi fluff. kinda like a comfort fic?? maybe? i don't really know tbh

You and Lando enjoyed hanging out with friends. Whether it was his friends or yours, you both had a great time regardless. There were also times when you would hang out with your friends alone and he would hang out with his friends alone, which of course you had no problem with. You’ve been together for 8 months now, so you had plenty of security in your relationship.

Lando currently had a few of the other drivers over at his house. All the drivers were on holiday so you were able to spend some time with Lando before he had to go back to his hectic race schedule. Unbeknownst to everyone except your boyfriend, you were upstairs watching “The Summer I Turned Pretty” on your TV.

Midway through the first two episodes, you got hungry so you went downstairs to get a snack. Just as you approached the bottom, you heard someone mention your name.

 “Is anyone elses girlfriend super clingy?” Charles asked

“Kika and I just spend a lot of time together” Pierre added

“Y/n is sometimes clingy. It can be a bit overwhelming at times” Lando answered. You heard your name and frowned as you took in his words. You were overwhelmingly clingy? You barely ever saw him.

Hearing that, you turned around and made your way back up the stairs, your appetite suddenly gone as you rushed to pack your bag and leave.

“Oh shut up, mate. Y/n is not clingy from what I’ve seen. Usually it’s you jumping on her for comfort, not the other way around. You’re absolutely whipped” George threw a bouncy ball at Lando’s head.

“Yeah I know, I’m only joking. She’s just so perfect. I love her” Lando blushed as he grabbed the bouncy ball and threw it back at George.

Just then you quietly made your way down the stairs and brushed past the group of guys without a single word as you crossed through the living room to get to the front door.

“Where are you going, love?” Lando stood up from his seat and walked towards you, grabbing your wrist to halt your movements. You turned around to face him.

“I uhm- forgot I have to go walk my sister’s turtle. Bye” You said the first lie you could come up with as you pulled your wrist out of his hold and turned around. You opened the front door and shut it behind you, praying that Lando wouldn’t follow.

Lando turned around and went back to his spot on the couch.

“Is that a thing people do here? Walking turtles?” Pierre asked, confusion written all over his face as he looked around the group for an answer.

--------------------------------------------------------

Ever since that night, you hadn’t been over to Lando’s house. He would call and text you to make plans, but you would come up with excuses to not be able to go. You didn’t want to seem any clingier than you supposedly were, according to Lando’s words.

After nearly a week of avoiding Lando, he’d had enough of it. You were in the process of making yourself some pancakes when your doorbell rang. You turned the stove off as your grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around your shoulders, since you were lounging around in a sports bra and shorts. You couldn’t see anything through the little peep hole so you opened the door, shocked to see Lando standing there with flowers in hand.

The smile that was once on Lando’s face turned into a frown when he saw the blanket wrapped around your body.

“Oh baby, are you feeling ill?” He was genuinely concerned. He thought you had the blanket around you because you were sick, and you still weren’t fully up to seeing him, so you joined in on his misconception.

“Yeah, I’ve got a massive cold. I don’t want to get you sick too” You made your voice sound as scratchy as possible before pretending to cough.

“I don’t care if I get sick. Let me take care of you” He said as he pushed himself into your flat. He grabbed one of your arms and dragged you to the couch, where he grabbed both of your shoulders and pushed you into a sitting position. He ran across your flat to your bathroom to get the thermometer so he could check your temperature. You knew you’d be screwed if he actually checked.

He came back moments later, the little green thermometer in hand as he took the clear cover off.

“So uhm… I don’t exactly know how to work this” Lando held the tool in his hand, trying to figure out how to use it.

“No worries. I’m just not feeling great” You fake coughed again. Lando placed the thermometer on the coffee table in front of the couch and placed his hand on your forehead. All you could think was ‘shit’.

“You feel normal. What’s going on, love?” He asked as he slowly sat down next to you.

“What do you mean?” Your voice was back to normal, yet it was quieter than it usually was.

 “You’re being all distant and shutting me out. We haven’t seen each other much. I just…did I do something?” He asked, the hurt in his voice evident as he spoke.

“I’m giving you a break” You answered and he just stared at you.

“Wh—what? A break?” He asked.

 “ Yeah, a break. I heard what you and the other drivers were saying the other night, Lando. I didn’t-” you took a moment to breathe.

 “I didn’t know that I was somehow clingy and that it bothered you” Your voice cracked as a tear streamed down your face.

He wrapped you in his arms and held you as you cried into his shirt.

“Oh my god. Let me explain everything, okay love?” He said as he slowly let go of you.

 “I did say that but what you probably didn’t hear is that I said it was a joke. You wanna know what I told them?” He said and you nodded your head.

 “I told them that I love you and that you’re perfect, because I truly do love you. You’re my girl forever. And if anyone’s clingy in this relationship, it’s quite obvious that it’s me” He joked, hoping to get a smile out of you. You laughed at his words, which resulted in a smile erupting on both your face and his. He pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead before engulfing you in a hug.

“I love you. I can’t stand seeing you so upset like this. Plus the house was so lonely without you. Let’s go home?” He asked.

Home.

You always thought home was a physical place, a location. It turns out you’d found you home eight months ago.

“Home is wherever you are” You pressed a soft kiss to his lips before resting your head on his shoulder.

--------------------------------------------------------

BONUS

“By the way, you’ve made Pierre question whether or not walking a turtle is a real thing”

“If Pierre was confused, I know for a fact that Charles was just as confused. Plus I’ve seen people do it on TikTok, so I guess it’s a real thing”

“I also feel like they would be the type of people to actually walk around Monaco with a turtle on a leash”

--------------------------------------------------------

side note: rip to the pancake Y/n was making before Lando showed up

--------------------------------------------------------

taglist

@firehazardxx @judesgfirl @celestialams @xjval @chelseagirl98

[cinnbar-bun]

Watching Reality TV With You (Various One Piece Characters x Reader)

Characters: Zoro, Sanji, Trafalgar Law, Luffy, Perona + Mihawk, Nami, Kizaru/Borsalino, Eustass Kidd

A/n: Sorry I’m a huge fan of Real Housewives so take these silly headcanons!!!

Note: GN reader, the relationships with the character(s) and reader can be seen as platonic/romantic depending on what you prefer :) Mihawk + Perona’s relationship to each other is also not stated just for your personal preference. These are all just very silly things, don’t take this too seriously since it’s crack!

Zoro

“The hell? Why are you watching this crap? It’s not even real!”

He just sighs and grumbles about how this is dumb the whoooooole time.

Tends to sharpen his swords or try and nap while it’s on.

Until lowkey he starts peeking a bit like ‘did she just say that?’

Suddenly has opinions on it and tries to deny he’s interested but his eyes are GLUED once they start arguing and the suspenseful music is playing.

“Well, if I was her, I think I’d just kick them. Or maybe cut their car in half.”

Sanji

Opposite of Zoro. The man is probably a bigger fan than you and most likely is reading the gossip online.

It’s your weekly night hangout where he brings snacks and cozy blankets for you two to sit and enjoy while watching.

Gasps audibly and loudly.

He’s both the best and worst to talk about this with because he respects all women and he forgives them for everything, so they all get passes from him.

“Yes she may have talked badly about [name] and stole [name]’s house and maybe crashed a car. But we all do that. We need to show forgiveness. She’s having a tough time- her dress came in the wrong color.”

Law

Like Zoro, he’s very disturbed by the very prospect of reality tv.

But he’ll try. Let it be known he’s trying.

He doesn’t get interested in it but he does try to follow along so he can discuss it with you.

Not gonna lie though he’s the guy who’s focusing on their plastic surgery or illnesses.

Will literally pause the show just to examine what they may/may not have done and if the surgeon botched it up.

Imma just manifest this, he’s prolly a Terry Dubrow stan.

“Who’s your favorite Housewife so far?” “Terry.” “But… Terry isn’t-“ “It’s Terry.”

Unironically would drop a horrible quote from whichever show you’ve been watching and he’d say it so seriously that everyone’s jaw will drop and it takes him a sec for him to realize what he said.

Luffy

Imma keep this short for you- he ain’t looking.

He ain’t caring.

No thoughts.

He only cares when there’s a party and food is being served.

“Woooooah! Look at all that food!!!”

Doesn’t even recognize who is who and will just mindlessly wait for food to come on screen.

Perona + Mihawk

I’m putting this as a two for one they’re my everything <3

You and Perona are the ones who watch it lots. Perona does complain about how much they argue but she loooooves looking at the houses and clothes of the women. Makes comments about wanting to fly first class or visit the beautiful places they go to.

Mihawk is reading.

Perona is biased as hell and only defends the people that are wearing cute clothes. Otherwise? Shit list.

“Ugh! What is that dress?! It’s so hideous!” “Is that all you’re focusing on?” “I agree with (Y/n), Perona, she just had gotten into some relationship troubles with [name], so I think [name] is wrong.”

You and Perona are gasping and shocked that Mihawk 1) talked and 2) had an opinion on this???

Turns out the man had been listening the whole time (he’s quite the multitasker).

If Perona is the most biased viewer, Mihawk tries to remain objective and impartial. He's always listing out the nuances of a conversation.

“I think [name] is just jealous.” “Well, if we remember in season 4, episode 14-“

He’s a smart ass sometimes, but it’s okay, he’s our smart ass.

Perona is always enthusiastic about marathoning the shows again and watching it. She tends to do dress up requirements for watching it.

Nami

I’d hesitate to call Nami a “fan” of reality shows.

She’s aware of them, yes. Does she particularly care for it? Nah, not really.

They’re more background noise and eye candy for her.

She just likes putting them on and glancing every once in a while to gaze at the beautiful houses and trips.

“Oh that’s so expensive… imagine what you could do with all that!”

Sometimes has a fun game for herself to estimate the cost of an outfit, accessory, or house. It’s scary how accurate and detailed she can get with it.

Tends to mostly focus on fashion and get new ideas to steal- I mean, incorporate.

Doesn’t have strong opinions on the cast, but she isn’t too crazy about the louder members.

Kizaru/Borsalino

He’s heard of it, he thinks.

And, well, since you’re so into them, he’ll give it a watch.

“Oh my, these ladies are incredibly wealthy and beautiful.”

He’s not even ogling them he’s just amazed at the way they dress, behave, and/or decorate their spaces. It’s almost like being starstruck???

The guy who will pause the tv at certain scenes to point at random decorations or outfits and be like “darling, would you like that?”

He does get sad when they start to fight.

“Aw… I was just liking the party… why are they arguing now?”

His favorite cast member is your favorite one <3 he’s just a cheerleader like that, dear.

He could listen to you talk about it for hours if you wanted, and he’d be amazed by your knowledge.

“You know, if you’d like for me to have you be on a show like this, I could probably pull some strings!”

Kidd

1000000x worse than Zoro

I cannot recommend putting it on in front of him.

“The hell is this shit?! Turn it off!”

You refuse and now he’s stuck watching grown women argue over dumb things (in his mind).

Complains the ENTIIIIRRRRE time. Nonstop commenting and complaining.

Okay but he’s hooked after a bit, the drama is just too good.

But now he’s WORSE cuz he’s got OPINIONS and THEYRE ALL SHITTY!

This man is an instigator. I swear to god he’s just saying shit just to rile you up and be contrarian.

He's stanning the biggest menaces on the show.

You two will probably get into (very silly) arguments about some of the situations and people.

And unlike say, Sanji, who tries to defend a person, Eustass will just say you’re wrong and then add something unhinged to it.

“Naw you just don’t get it. If I was her, personally, I think I’d just burn their mansion down and then slash their tires.”

[makisoda]

𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 (𝐄𝐖𝐖) !

jjk boys and their icks… because no man is perfect…

jjk boys x implied fem!reader

cw : men being gross, slight nsfw in nanami’s part, very mild misogyny if you squint in megumi’s part, this post was literally just so i could rant kinda

a / n : long time no see… not much to say other than i’ve been busy !!! anyways hope you enjoy :)

yuji itadori - bad grammar

giving him the tamest one tbh because he’s such a sweetheart </3 idk why but i feel like he just has such shitty grammar… like he’s smart ! just not when it comes to grammar. for example, he mixes up his to, too, and two’s, his there’s, and don’t get me started on your vs you’re :/ again he’s the sweetest boy ever ! it’s just the fact he probably failed his lit classes…

megumi fushiguro - “females”…

i was so close to giving this to satoru but i didn’t cause he has shoko to hold him down, megumi on the other hand… look, i don’t think he’d say it in front of girls, but to other dudes, yk ? and i definitely don’t think it’s on purpose to try and be an asshole but it just happens. quickly unlearns it when he says it around maki though.

yuta okkotsu - referring to himself in third person

you guys know how elmo is like, “elmo wants to go to the park,” yeah… yuta does this. and no, it’s not ironically. he definitely thinks it’s cute too and sometimes it is ! but it’s to an extent. like it’s cute the first couple times where he is goes, “yuta loves you,” but then it gets weird and corny when he’s like, “yuta wants to get dinner,” like ermmmm ok…

toge inumaki - fish pics.

as someone who lives in those south i see these OFTEN. for those who don’t know, fish pics are basically when dudes hold up fish they caught while fishing and post pictures of them holding it… i think the main problem with this to me is that a lot of very weird and racist men do it, so that’s why i hate it. anyways i’m 90% sure he has an official art where he’s holding a fish ( i also didn’t know what ick to give him ).

satoru gojo - his height is his whole personality

this shit irks me so bad omg. as someone who’s short ( 5’0 ) and hates seeing other short people make their whole personality their height, it’s even worst when it’s a tall person. satoru is definitely the type to be like, “omg guysss i bumped my head otw hereeee i’m so tallll,” like no you’re just stupid ! he definitely has other icks but this was the main one i could think of… ik he gets on everyone’s nerves.

suguru geto - says “my bad” instead of “im sorry”

another personal one tbh. i hate hate hate when people do this especially if it’s something serious. i remember one time someone pushed me in the mud ( i didn’t fully go on, just my foot ) and i got mud all over my white shoes and they have the audacity to go, “my bad,” like yeah it is your bad lmao. anyways, suguru def does this often especially to shoko. i feel like he’s pretty clumsy and say if shoko’s studying and he knocks over a drink onto her books he’ll say “my bad” and not even attempt to help her clean it up. like dude at least say sorry or something idk ???

nanami kento - calls his dick anything but a dick

“my member” you are grown !!! say dick !!! he does it to be ‘classy’ but like, he is pushing 30 doing this, just say dick. i also think it’s a shame thing ? idk probably hanging out with stsg for most of his teen years rotted his brain so he hates hearing really nasty stuff but he won’t even say penis half the time. like it’s really not that serious nobody wants to call your dick a phallus ( it was also really hard to give him an ick ).

choso - using 🥺 / 🥹

oh BROTHERRRR this one pisses me off. i hate both of those emojis in general but especially when men do it, it’s cornball behavior. like aren’t you supposed to be fighting in wars ? stand up. but i don’t think he has any ill intentions at all, honestly just picks emojis that represent his mood often. however he definitely uses 😂 instead of 😭… sorry choso…

song : ick - lay bankz

[kk43mi]

HII I LOVE YOUR POSTS SO MUCH

Can i order a somno with scaramouche x fem reader where he sees her pure and innocent form and then completely looses himself to the look of you?

Thank you for reading this and if i can, could i be the 🐑anon?

yas sheep anon! writing is so hard so this one is kind of rusheddd , but dont get me wrong I did try! hope you enjoy anon

purity┊scaramouche

PAIRING ┊ scaramouche x f!reader GENRE ┊ smut WC ┊1.5k+ WARNINGS ┊ cussing , i will call wanderer, scaramouche! , somnophilia , non-con , stalking , lowercase intended!!! SYNOPSIS ┊ selling baked goods , always trying to serve the best customer service to your buyers , there would always be a regular coming. little do you know that buyer always had impure thoughts of you. A/N ┊ written by kam , hope you guys enjoy ! also modern-au (?) im sorry if this one isnt really goooddd, sorry for the delay too!!

you were a baker girl, always selling fresh pastries and doing the best you can to serve the best customer service for your buyers. you had the best bread in sumeru and people loved it! you were practically well known for them.

you would see regulars here and there, always loving to talk with them whenever they came to stop by to grab something to eat on the go. but this customer you had, came most than others.

scaramouche, he came almost everyday...maybe twice that day. however, you found solace in his tranquil company, occasionally deriving enjoyment from his presence. yet, deciphering the thoughts occupying his mind proved to be a bit challenging, not that it really mattered to you.

"hello! the usual?" you would always flash that smile of yours to him while waving. he gave a small nod. you would prepare his order, before presenting it to him in a neatly arranged plastic bag.

scaramouche grabs the bag, your hand slightly grazes his and he flinched. "bye! hope you enjoy!" scara nods and pays you before leaving the store. walking back to his abode, his face brightens up with a red.

"she touched me...she touched me..." repeatedly saying , that scene would always reminisce in his mind, wanting to feel that touch again. your hands are so soft, he sometimes thinks you were made for him.

how did this even start? it's quite simple. nahida suggested scara to try out this new place, a way to try and socialize and experience more taste buds! naturally, he harbored no intentions of consuming it himself. however, since nahida also expressed an interest, he set out to purchase it.

walking in the building where the bread nahida desired was settled in, he waits at the line, groaning in annoyance, too noisy, and too crowded. he was never a fan of clustered places. as the line shortens its finally his turn.

"one moment sir!" a voice from the other room can be heard. and scara waits, observing his surroundings a bit before a figure pops out of his view from the side, turning his head, his gazes intertwined with yours, and its as if its the most breathtaking thing hes ever saw. you.

"hi! sorry for the wait! im currently the only one working here so things are quite tough to get around!" you let out a chuckle afterwards. his mouth was slightly agape, no words leaving his mouth as he kept his gaze at you. your voice flows as smoothly as a captivating melody, and the grace of your countenance is truly majestic. "soo, what would you like..?"

"the...the special." he said in a quiet tone before shifting his hat to cover his top half face. "got it! ill pack it up for you right now!" before grabbing the tong and picking up the freshly made bakes.

did you always have that smile on your face? it was beautiful yet he felt the need to want to wipe that smile off your face, wanting to ruin it. the thoughts getting to him...were a bit too wild now. realizing it himself he shakes those thoughts away.

"here you go sir! i made sure to pack them nice and neat so they dont get all over the place." there you go again. flashing that smile. he snatched the bag and paid for what was needed. "enjoy your bread!" you yelled out as scara was already out the front door.

its been months now ever since that encounter. its like a spark awoken in him. he would want to see what your face would look like, covered in his cum. he would want to see you cock drunk, always begging for him to pleasure you more and more. he couldnt get enough, his hand wasnt enough. he needed the real thing.

when you were done with your shift, you close down the shop, packing up the left over bakes for you to take home and eat. turning off all lights before locking the entrance. of course how would scara get to see you if he didnt know your schedule?

he studied what you do everyday, what time you work, your breaks, and when you end. even knows the direction to your house. sure he didnt have the courage to just talk to you normally other than just ordering plain old bread is what he would describe.

locking up your shop, you now advance to your house. walking while the streets were quiet, though, sumeru was quite safe, so you didnt worry about anything! but little did you know scara was in the shadows, following you, admiring everything you do. sure you heard a couple footsteps, but shrugged it off as a dog or what.

reaching to your humble abode, you take your keys, unlocking the door before turning the knob to enter. but it didnt matter to scara, he knew which rooms was yours, going to the window associated to your room, he watches as you enter in, flicking on the light as you now took off your pants.

you were a "home is where the pants arent" type of person. it felt more relaxing to dress down indoors, especially since you were alone – the comfort of solitude made you feel relaxed at last, after a long day of serving and selling, you were exhausted. scara would always enjoy the view of your panties shaping out your ass.

the wild thoughts occupying his mind again, wanting to stuff his fat cock inside your cunt, pounding into you mercilessly until you couldnt walk for days. different positions, never stopping until you pass out. these thoughts accompanying his mind, a growing tent forms in his pants.

taking a hand to shift the harden shaft around to ease the pain. it was just aching to get out of his pants. he couldnt wait till you have fallen asleep, then he would do whatever he could to you.

charging your phone then being in the comforts in your bed, tucking yourself in before closing your eyes, falling into a deep slumber. taking this opportunity, he picks the window, before sliding it to the side to jump in. making sure his footsteps were light as a feather to not wake you up.

scara observes the room, inhaling the room that was covered in your sweet scent. looking at your sleeping figure, he comes closer, to admire your beautiful face. hopping onto the bed to have a better view. "fuck.." he couldnt contain his excitement any longer as he rubs a finger on the outline of your cunt.

making you wince a bit, he slides the panties to the side, looking at your bare cunt now. the sight makes him drool, wanting to devour it already. but it has seem his dick was really impatient. twitching in place already with precum on the tip staining his pants with a wet patch.

unzipping the jeans, his dick springs to life, hard and erect before he glides it against your folds. the sensation makes him grunt in pleasure, your heat making his body shudder before lining himself up to your hole. bottoming out when he fully sheathed himself with your walls. he harbored an intense desire to shatter your innocence.

groans falls from his mouth as he tried to contain them in order to not wake you up. his breath quivered, and at last, he began to stir. snapping his hips at yours, skin slapping skin echoing thru the room. his pace was rough, the feeling of you walls clasping around him felt so pleasurable to him.

balls slapping against your ass and his thumb pleasuring your clit. he was too focus on your pussy to even notice his pounding was harsh, it could wake you up. but he took the risk, trying to reach his high. thrusting turning sharper and harder each time his body connected with yours if that was even possible, it left little whines from your mouth, making scara more eager than ever to continue.

he couldnt hold it in anymore, his moans escaped his lips, grabbing your soft mounds to massage the flesh, and another hand, under your knee to push it up for a better angle. he was in so deep, pounding, thrusting, and pearls of sweat falls down from his forehead. taking his phone out from his pockets, pressing the record button. making sure your pussy and his dick disappearing into you was in view.

feeling your walls tighten around him, he figured you were bound to cum soon. his thrust getting sloppier and pace was slower, he continued on, wanting to reach his limit, and inject his cum into you. hes imagining more vulgar things he would do to you. sex up against the wall? yes. you tied up while he eats you out? of course. him fisting your hair and fuck facing you? thats his favorite.

minutes passed and he was close, and with one final push and groan, he cums inside your pussy. gasps and pants emitting from his lips as he tried to regain himself. he stilled himself in you for a bit before pulling out, cum gushing from your pussy and pooling under the sheets.

he smiles at the sight before his dick scoops up the remaining cum, fucking it back into you. a couple more breathless pants before he moved his hips again. this sure was going to be a long night.

the next day you would wonder why there was a strange smell from the sheets, and why your thighs were sticky.

requests open!

[neteyamslovrr]

KXANI - pt.1

summary: you have never fit in with the scientists, but on the night jake was lost in the forest so were you. staying with the people was your one true dream, yet when you are anything but welcome and jake get's to experience the people. you find yourself seeking comfort in tsu'tey

contents: 2.3k words, fem!avatar reader, set avatar 2009, kind of a prolouge, angst (only a lil)

authors note: i hope you guys enjoy this!! i'm really hyped to write a series especially my man tsu'tey. if this goes well definitely will be making a taglist so ask to be on it !!

all parts - next part

┌────── ⋆☆⋆ ──────┐

It was all you had dreamed of since you landed on Pandora. To be with the people, to walk beside them. Well, behind them. You weren’t exactly welcome.

You still remembered the day you were chased through the forest with Jake, jumping into the waterfall on nothing but a will to live. You remembered Neytiri jumping in front of you, saving you both, you had never been more thankful and terrified of someone in your life.

You remembered how a group of men on direhorse threw ropes around your feet then continued to lead to the Hometree. It was surreal, to be with them. To live among them. But it wasn’t how you had hoped.

You hoped to meet with them, learn there culture and be able to retell your findings when you returned to your natural form. Yet, it was nothing like that.

It was because of Jake. He was the warrior of the ‘Jarhead’ clan. God, he was so intolerable but yet he was the one person who could understand your struggles of being with the people because he was right there beside you.

But with all you efforts over the years to learn about the Na’vi, it was nothing in comparison to him being tutored by Neytiri.

On the night when the Olo’eyktan decided to keep you both, it was rather a keep the man and his dog. They thought nothing of you, just another sky scientist. So, you weren’t entitled to Neytiri’s teachings, you were entitled to stare from far away and hope that maybe you could gain a bit of knowledge from observing the pair.

That’s what you were doing right now, crouching down hiding behind a lush shrub looking at the two talk to Tsu’tey as Jake sat in a puddle of mud. Maybe you weren’t missing out on too much?

Resting on the balls of your feet and long fingers keeping the bush apart you peered onto the ongoing scene. But Tsu’tey had disappeared. He must’ve gone off in a hurry, it wasn’t like he enjoyed the company of you two aliens anyway.

“You. What is wrong with you?”

“FUCK!” You jumped in fright falling to the ground looking up at an unimpressed Tsu’tey from above you. Your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest as you tried to regain your composure, shying away from the looming figure.

“Go home. You will not embarrass yourself like that there.” You desperately wanted to go back to your human form, but it wasn’t worth it. This, what you were experiencing was ground-breaking to your studies. Plus, Grace would skin you.

Pushing yourself off the ground, brushing the dirt off your grazed knee your stared up at him. How do you even respond to him? He was terrifying. Such a powerful figure it seemed stupid to stand up to him.

You were no Jake. You wouldn’t ridicule the future leader, and you were no ‘warrior’. You were truly just a useless being to them. Nothing to learn, nothing to gain.

“Tsa’hik has medicine for that. Go” You wished your feet would move. God, this is so embarrassing! Are you really paralysed in fear? Because of Tsu’tey. It’s laughable. You tried to move, but all you could do was stare into his unimpressed eyes and wish your link failed so you could escape this hellhole. “Are you ill?”

“No.”

“Then why are you not moving?” Sometimes you were grateful you learnt Na’vi so you could have more in depth and intellectual conversations with the people. This is not what you imagined your conversations would be.

“No. I am.” Tsu’tey scoffed at you. Fuck. What if you just died. Didn’t come back. Met Eywa and apologized for the inconvenience.

“You alien, should go. Fix whatever is wrong with you.” Yet he wasn’t leaving. You pleaded that he would leave in a huff, upset at stupidity. But he still stood there!

“I am afraid of you.” It was a meek whisper. Something you should never of said as your heart beated aggressively against your ribs as if it was trying to escape its chamber.

Tsu’tey let out the heartiest chuckle as he stared down at you. Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap. Oh how you wished your feet weren’t bolted into the ground. He was genuinely amused. This was easily the funniest thing that had happened to him recently. And it was definitely going to be a story he was going to retell later on.

“So are children alien. You are like a child.”

“Thankyou.” You sneered up at him, still too embarrassed to meet his harsh gaze.

“Do you know where Tsa’hik is?” He tilted his head, his long braid falling over his shoulder as he peered down at you.

“I do not.” You tried to shovel down the shakiness in your voice, you could definitely cry right now.

“Of course, you don’t. Because you don’t belong here. I will take you to Tsa’hik. I would do it for a child.” He motioned for you to follow him as he rode off towards the base of the Hometree. “Hurry up alien child!” He laughed at his jokes as he pointed to you as he looked at other Na’vi also giggling at you as well.

What the fuck is your video log going to be today. ‘Got made fun of! Great find!’ This sucked! While Jake is learning the way of the people, you’re the people’s newest comedy act. 

Dragging your feet to the Tsa’hiks room you were ushered to sit on a woven colourful mat in the middle of this section of the tree. Adorned in decorative items and many medicines and herbs you found yourself being stared down by Mo’at.

“She grazed her knee falling from a squatting height Tsa’hik.” Tsu’tey still managed to find a way to make fun of you even when he was talking to a superior.

Mo’at scoffed at you, mumbling something under her breath you did catch a few words. But they’re not necessarily for repeating. “How did you fall?” Mo’at’s intimidating voice caught you off-guard. You didn’t think she would speak to you directly.

“I- um. Tsu-. Tsu’tey startled me.” It was an insane struggled to get out, to admit you had a slightly serious graze because the man chuckling behind you scared you shitless.

“Ah.” She couldn’t find it in her to hide her disappointment apparently. Shaking her head, she applied a pungent medicine to your knee. Surprisingly, it didn’t sting the only sensation was that it was particularly cold for a paste that had been sitting in the open. “Maybe it is useful to do some stuff around the village. We do not welcome demons, especially not parasites.”

Parasite? That is what she thought of you. Oh, that’s just lovely. It felt like your stomach decided to go skydiving and take a miles high leap out of your body.

“Send her back. She is parasite, not needed.” Tsu’tey said this sentence in English. He needed you to understand it, it was his every intention to. It hurt for some reason. Well not some reason he had said something incredibly hurtful. But it was so deserved, so justifiable. Didn’t mean it wasn’t incredibly upsetting to hear.

“We cannot. Jake is an odd dreamwalker. A new demon. She must stay as he does, it is Eywa’s will.” He was silenced at the mention of Eywa. No one would question her intentions not even yourself. “She must learn. You will teach.”

“What?!” Tsu’tey voice boomed out echoing throughout the hollow tree. Is this how Jake felt that night? Because the taste of bile was growing in your throat as you stared at the huffing man. Nononono. He cannot teach, he’ll slit your throat the minute he has the chance.

“She will not be a hunter, no warrior. But she can learn the ways of the people. Teach her Tsu’tey do not question my decisions young one.”

“….yes Tsa’hik…”

Times like these you wished you could go back to your human form. So that your emotions wouldn’t be so easily understood with the swish of your tail and movement of your ears. Still sitting on the floor of the Tsa’hik’s area your ears were pressed against your head and tail swishing quite frequently.

“Go to the river to wash off the paste soon. It will stain your skin.” Mo’at told your before you were being harshly stared at by Tsu’tey. You were yet to understand the way Na’vi must telepathically communicate. It wasn’t even a millisecond after Mo’at finished that she had gave Tsu’tey the look to take you to the river.

You just wished you could understand those looks as well. “Come now. We walk.” He was so assertive it was frightening, the way he commanded you with a single order, you were so respectful of his place in the clan. It did make him like you slightly more than Jake.

“Do not kill her.” Mo’at said harshly to the tall man as you felt that bile rise to your throat again. Kill. What a word!

“I did not plan on it.” Tsu’tey smirked as he wandered off expecting you to follow but you didn’t. You just stared at Mo’at for reassurance. A simple nod to say ‘Yes! Big scary man won’t murder you!’ and she must’ve sensed your desperation.

Mo’at gave a curt nod and ushered for you to go with him with a flick of her hand. With the reassurance of the Tsa’hik you walked with Tsu’tey. Well, behind Tsu’tey to the river.

Every step was awkward. The past on your knee was starting to dry and made cracking noises every time you bent your knee. The crunch of the leaves under both of your heavy feet were the only conversation between the two of you. Eventually, after the short walk. Though it felt long due to the silence. Was finished at the sound of the flourishing waterfall meeting your ears.

It was so powerful, yet so beautiful. It reminded you of something. But nothing was coming to mind so you decided to just focus on the rushing sound as you ended your journey.

“Well done demon. You made it.” His deep voice rumbled in his chest, he thought he was hilarious.

“Thankyou.” You knew it wasn’t a compliment from him, but what else were you to say. Jake would of found a better comeback but you couldn’t.

“You are funny demon.” He said it so nonchalantly but to you it felt as if your heart bursts into a million butterflies. A compliment from a Na’vi felt so special, you felt slightly appreciated. And for it to be from Tsu’tey made it 100 times more meaningful considering how much distaste he has for you and Jake.

“Thankyou Tsu’tey.” Your genuine smile was one he had not seen yet. It was a new expression. Obviously, it looked familiar as it was on the body of a Na’vi but there was something so bright about your smile he couldn’t shake off. It was just something weird he assumed. Demons do weird things especially when they’re in bodies they’re not meant to be in.

“The paste must come off. Or else your knee will be yellow for weeks.” You nodded and hopped into the water. It was about knee height, so you had to bend to move the water over your knee completely.

“Is there a specific way to get it off. It is a foreign medicine to me.”

“It’s foreign because you don’t belong here.” Tsu’tey was just so harsh with his words, they were said with so much power, yet he felt sincere. It was odd. So odd. “Give me your leg.”

“What do you mean? HEY!” Tsu’tey had grabbed your injured leg yanking it into his arms making you twist and fumble trying not to go headfirst into the water.

His long fingers wrapped around your shin as he used his other hand to cup water into his hand and covering the yellow paste. Every time you fumbled trying to balance he let a ‘tsk’ leave his mouth. His fingertips felt as if they were being burnt into your skin as he gripped your leg tightly.

“Stop moving. I am getting the paste off.” He looked harshly into your eyes, his golden iris’ staring straight into your own.

“I’m trying!” it was an exacerbated statement. Tsu’tey saw the way your ears flicked down and you tensed all the muscles in your abdomen to try and stay still.

He felt a pound of his heart call out to him to not be so harsh. But why? You were nothing but a demon. A complacent one, but still a demon. You were better than Jake in his books. You listened stayed out of trouble, didn’t hang out with his future mate. But you were so odd. Nothing like any of the other demons. You were too complacent, too shy, too fearful. It was odd. Maybe that’s why his heart pounded.

With a final scrub the paste was gone and he let you leg down gently, an abrupt change to the quick and harsh picking up of your leg before. “Thankyou Tsu’tey.” He simply hummed in reply giving you a curt nod. This wave of confidence had overcome you. It was like you felt dizzy with courage. “Tsu’tey.”

The way you said his voice was weird to him. It was pronounced so clearly as if it was the only word you had learnt to say in his language. “Yes?”

“I know that..uh never mind.” The confidence vanished as soon as he stared into your eyes once again. His whole body facing towards you, his mind and soul focused on the words coming out of your mouth. It was too intimidating especially now as he waited for you to say more.

“Speak. What do you know?” His deep voice was memorizing, the way his chest rose proudly every word he spoke. He was so intriguing.

“I know that you don’t like me… and that I do not belong here. But I would like to help, I don’t want to be a p-parasite.” The word parasite stung on your tongue, and it was obvious how Tsu’tey winced at the word as well.

Truthfully, he regretted saying it so clearly to you. He only regretted when he saw the way your tail swished and the shine in your eyes. Maybe that’s why he felt crazy. Maybe that’s why he felt kind towards you. Maybe that’s why he agreed so fast.

“Only because you are smart, not stupid like Jakesully. I will teach you demon.” He reached out to grip onto your shoulder. It was a moment you don’t think you’d ever forget. The way his fingers held tightly onto you, his eyes looked so sincere and the usual scowl on his face had disappeared and turned in a stern look on promise.

This was the look of friendship, of teaching, you were about to learn the way of the people.

└────── ⋆☆⋆ ──────┘

reblogs + replies so appreciated, i love you forever if you do yes i mean it i love you

[mcflymemes]

AS SAID BY DORIAN PAVUS  *  assorted dialogue from dragon age inquisition, updated version

i don't care what they think about me. i care what they think about us.

i like you. more than i should. more than might be wise.

discretion isn't your thing, is it?

all this dancing, politics, and murder makes me a bit homesick.

i suppose it really depends. how bad do you want to be?

living a lie... it festers inside of you, like poison.

i'm a man of many talents. what can i say?

the moment i saw you, i thought "there's a man who knows quality."

if you don't come through this, i swear i'll kill you.

i'm curious where this goes, you and i. we've had fun. perfectly reasonable to leave it here.

here is my proposal: we dispense with the chitchat and move on to something more primal.

i tease you too much, i know.

i'll have to find something we can do that doesn't involve teasing.

time to drink myself into a stupor. it's been that sort of day.

i see you enjoy playing with fire.

i like playing hard to get.

i'm not suggesting we venture into mutual domesticity.

if it's a trap, we escape and kill everyone. you're good at that.

talk to me. let me hear how mystified you are by my anger.

oh, i'm not arguing. just pointing out the ridiculously obvious.

if you choose to leave your door unlocked like a savage, i may or may not come.

now... what was i talking about? ah, yes. me.

i am apparently an incredible ass at accepting gifts.

i prefer the company of men.

would you prefer me bound and leashed?

sometimes the ones you love are also the ones who disappoint you the most.

you are the man i love, [name]. nothing will truly keep us apart.

the things you ask are just... very personal.

sometimes... love isn't enough.

there will always be an "us." we'll just be... farther apart, for a time.

i had no idea something like you was possible.

i'm imagining what you would look like in a dress.

i've never seen you smile so much!

i have no idea what you're talking about.

you stand there, flexing your muscles, huffing like some beast of burden with no thought save conquest.

you're shaping the world for good or ill. how could i aspire to do any less?

my footsies are freezing, thank you.

don't you ever bathe?

you're not suggesting we're similar.

watch where you're pointing that thing!

i'm not wearing a skirt.

it's significantly more impressive than hitting them with a sharp piece of metal.

i only meant to say i'm very sorry for your loss.

we can continue this dance forever, if you wish.

i'm saying we should be careful what we assume when it comes to such matters.

demons don't appreciate a man with good hair.

what i wouldn't give for some proper wine.

your outfit's entertaining. i'll give you that.

he had to leave early on account of assassination.

it's nice to know you have friends.

i'm here to do what is right.

come on, just answer the question.

they were asking me about you. personal things.

you said we'd be ass-deep in trouble. this is more like knee-high.

so what's your estimation? think we can win?

you can't call me pampered. nobody's peeled a grape for me in weeks.

you startled me. you're always so... nondescript.

you're a special and unique snowflake. live the dream.

i wanted to see you make flowers bloom with your song. just once.

you've done a lot less dancing naked in the moonlight than expected.

i've never seen anyone in this part of the world do it.

i realize there's more to you than that.

have i offended you?

for hating the outdoors, you sure seem to like bad weather.

i can't figure you out, [name].

you don't play their stupid game, they send an assassin or three your way.

i can't believe you're scared of magic.

i'm going to take that as a compliment.

still don't like me, [name]? after all this time?

[name], i owe you an apology.

i suspect people will use any excuse to hate us.

why be ashamed? power should be respected, not swept under the carpet.

maybe you're not a complete moron.

i just need to know you're capable of higher thought. for my own comfort.

it would take work. and soap. lots and lots of soap.

[pocketgalaxies]

fcg: i enjoy eating silver more than copper

imogen: i am genuinely scared to meet my mom again

chet: it is well known that wood is better than metal

laudna: deep down inside, both delilah and i kind of want the shard

laudna: i don't want [the shard], fearne should have it, but i don't know anymore what's my opinion or desires or feelings or [delilah's]

imogen: i love laudna deeply, but i'm disgusted at the thought of delilah looking at us all the time

orym: i'm super lonely all the time, especially at night. doesn't matter if i'm bunking with one of you guys

fcg: sometimes i pity some of you because you have beating hearts and opportunities and you don't do enough with them

fcg: chetney you have so much love to give and it doesn't seem like you're interested in anything, in ANYTHING, other than wood. there's people out there who you could love and experiences you could share with someone else, but all you care about is wood

orym: i've always laughed it off but i guess i do kinda wonder if chetney is my dad

ashton: i am the reason that the jiana hexum robbery went fucking wrong and the reason why i got thrown out of a fucking window

ashton: (laudna: is that why you feel like you deserved to have the nobodies leave you?) yeah.

fearne: i feel like we are very ill-equipped for this job and we're gonna fail at saving the world

chet: while wood may be the superior material to metal, i do fear that with the dwindling interest in it that children will find my toys and thereby myself obsolete every year that i grow older

fcg: i think it's something buried deep down in my circuitry, but every time i hurt or kill something, it feels really good. it makes me sorta relax a little bit and some of my stress goes away

imogen: i know we're supposed to save the gods but i've tried talking to them my whole life and none of them will ever respond. i think i'm tainted. i don't know if i want to save gods that don't love me

laudna: you know we could all ripcord out of this at any moment, and i don't mean this scavenger hunt, i mean saving the world, right? andsometimesifantasizeaboutitallthetime

fearne: sometimes i do stuff to you guys while you're sleeping. not weird stuff, i just like to look at you closely and...you know, just look at you. you look so content and comfortable and i can get up and look at you really well. and maybe twiddle your hair and like braid it. nothing bad! nothing bad!!

ashton: any time it's too quiet, i start worrying that one of us, most of us, are gonna end up killing another one of us accidentally. all of us. orym...very gently, but probably–orym may be the only one i worry about the least, but genuinely everybody else. i have panicked thinking about what happens when one of you kills another one of us

orym: (laudna: do you have any strong feelings one way or another kind of being the normal guy in a group of freaks who are all ticking time bombs? are you okay with that, do you have any strong feelings?) i have all the faith in the world in you guys, all of you. and i have also spent time thinking how to neutralize each of you

fcg: i kinda worry that i put all my eggs in the changebringer basket and she might betray us all, i had a really weird conversation with her and i think she's just out for herself and she might not really care about me

imogen: fearne, i was really disappointed in you for running away from your power, you should take the shard (laudna: you should take the shard)

orym: i really miss dorian, and sometimes i think that's okay and sometimes i think it isn't

pate: [laudna] is my creator, i don't have feelings, i'm a construction

ashton: i feel fucking worse that i just fucked up fearne's life way more than mine, and i should've died instead of that happening

chet: i grew up in the bramblewood outside of westruun, and when i was a kid, i came back from learning how to make toys and found that my whole family had left. all they left behind were toys. and they ran when errevon the rimelord was running across the plains so i'm kinda afraid of dragons. and i had five siblings, alabaster, pepper, sugarplum, hermey, and chad, and i was so mad that they left, i never looked for any of them. and now i'm pretty sure they're dead, so i think that any family i have is just gonna look for a reason to leave me, that's why i don't get attached to anybody

[sempersirens]

the fig tree | rotten

pairing: therapist!joel x f!reader

warnings: 18+ mdni. discussion of heavy and potentially triggering topics such as sa, self-harm, infertility, various mental illnesses, self-hatred and drug use. these topics are only mentioned and do not occur in real-time.

chapter summary: a twenty-something, seemingly lost cause, meets her match in the form of psychotherapist: dr. joel miller.

dividers by @saradika-graphics

updates: @sempersirenswrites

series masterlist

Maybe it was time to accept you were never as good as you'd always thought you'd been.

For four long years, you had spent most of your waking hours dissecting epic poetry and papyrology.

Still, the most your degree had done for you was rouse a satisfying disappointment from your mother’s side of the family when they realised you weren’t actually going to be that kind of doctor.

Not to say such in a self-deprecation; you hardly suffered from any semblance of an imposter syndrome. Your mother used to frequently remind you that you were far too vain to not believe in yourself.

It was more of a philosophical framework. Platonic realism. Knowing your muted beauty could earn you a free drink from below-average men who felt their trousers tighten when you addressed them through your eyelashes.

But it wasn't an obvious enough beauty for the attention of the men you imagined exchanging bodily fluids with between stops on the underground.

Besides, you had been a student of Classical Studies; a degree that doesn’t require the intellectual strain of learning Latin or Ancient Greek. The inclusive way for people like you, having attended a run-down state-funded school, to get a glimpse into the Bullingdon boys' and grammar schoolgirls’ fallback plans.

It wasn't even that you disliked Classics; you'd borderline gotten off on reading plays written by men about wicked women; but that was because the brilliant women were always the wicked ones.

You particularly enjoyed the assumptions men made about the female condition – how women were too wet, too porous; couldn’t keep their wombs from wandering. And assumptions they were. No Greek physician ever sliced a woman from chin to cunt to confirm their hypotheses. Although, ancient men hadn't been all too familiar with the insides of a woman anyway.

Sometimes, you thought you would quite simply die if you were reduced to only understanding people through your assumptions of them.

It was just that you could never stop thinking about what people thought. It was all you could ever think about. You wanted to peel people's skulls apart and scream at their horribly grey frontal lobe:

Are you ok? Have I done something to upset you? Do you still love me? Do I look like someone that has been raped? Do you think that girl we just walked past has a firmer ass than me? Do you like my new bangs?

For a short period of time, you'd been desperate to know how your therapist felt and thought of you. There is a sick irony in baring your bones to a stranger in the reclined chair opposite you who never even takes off their cardigan.

You needed to know if your traumas made him sad, or if he saw things that made him think of you outside of your sessions. You supposed he both pitied and admired you in a twisted, surrogate-daughter kind of way.

Then again, he probably wouldn’t have been a very good therapist did he not pity his clients.

At one point you thought you might be in love with him.

You'd met weekly in his high-ceiling office on a busy street. It was a romantic setting to unload twenty-four years of trauma to a kind man wearing a knitted cardigan. The sun would peak through clouds and shine onto the both of you through two large windows, between which sat a Japanese peace lily.

You soon realised he was just the first man to let you speak uninterrupted.

You spoke at him mostly, finishing observations that had been years in the making with “Does that make sense?” Even though you knew it made sense. You were certain, actually, that everything you had articulated came from somewhere deeper inside of you than any man could reach. You just couldn't leave it hanging there like an exposed nerve.

Maybe it was because he didn't speak much that you liked him. Sometimes he would offer anecdotes or remedies for PTSD-induced panic attacks that you both knew you would never use.

In most sessions, you had simply basked in the divinity of being listened to. You wondered if this was how devout Catholics like your grandmother felt at confession, or perhaps it was how all of your ex-boyfriends had felt.

You weren't even particularly attracted to him. He had been ten years older than you, and when your sessions first began, you'd been casually fucking someone a year older than him – but he didn't need to know that.

There were a lot of things you'd decided he didn't need to know. Like the fact you snorted cocaine until your nose bled, sliced into your thighs a couple of evenings a week, and let men use your body to masturbate as a feeble attempt to reclaim your sexuality - as if it had ever been anyone's for the taking.

Had he known the dirtier parts of your life, you feared he would have crossed out the word victim in his black Moleskin notebook and replaced it with bystander.

Maybe he would think you were a pathological liar and diagnose you with a personality disorder. This was something you'd been warned about by the first friend you had made at university.

“My mother is a therapist, you know. Don’t tell them you cut yourself or that you’ve told anyone you cut yourself – they’ll diagnose you with BPD.”

“But I’ve told you.”

“Trust me. They’ll put you on an SSRI and you’ll never be able to orgasm again.”

You were freshly eighteen and had never had a real orgasm anyway, but this terrified you enough to reel in your catalogue of symptoms for the GP appointment you had scheduled later that day.

In the end, you'd buckled and sobbed as the doctor sat adjacent to you. You didn’t mention the self-harming or the suicidal thoughts, but did tell her that you didn’t know where to go from here.

She'd slid a leaflet from the university's self-help website across the table before pushing her chair back and motioning toward the door.

“Call 999 if things get worse," she had said. "But let’s just hope it doesn’t get to that point. A&E is very overwhelmed at the moment.”

So you got on with it. Boats against the current, or whatever. You made the hurt so small and buried it so deep within you and swore you'd never let anyone get close enough to pick at the stray thread to your undoing.

And for a little while it worked. You became what you knew you should be; you presented your face for fucking and never let the door slam on your way out.

These days, you'd felt as though you were slowly becoming rotten.

It started on the surface; a bizarre case of adult acne that no dermatologist could diagnose for love nor money. Blood tests, topical steroids, antibiotics, potentially-baby-deforming drugs. You tried them all to little avail. In the end, it was simply the passing of time that had rid you of the rot.

Next, it had been your womb. Decomposing from the inside out. Your body had made the decision for you that goodness couldn't form in your guts.

The final straw had, embarrassingly, been your heart.

You hated to say it aloud. So much so that you hadn't. But it had been a quiet promise of yours; one you'd kept quietly close to your chest - that your suffering would never turn you ugly.

But here you were, alone and swearing at the wind, the rage beneath your skin growing like a tumour.

You hated it.

You hated yourself.

You hated that you were angry but had never been taught how to be angry, because anger wasn't a pretty emotion; it was one that should be starved and kept in the corner of your wardrobe to rot like black mould.

So here you stood: before a Victorian townhouse with your scarf furiously fighting the wind, droplets of rain threatening your freshly straightened hair, scanning various names scrawled on the building's buzzer.

S. PHYSIOTHERAPY

A & R SOLICITORS

J. MILLER PSYCHOTHERAPY

You bit the inside of your cheek and ducked further into the doorway, pressing the buzzer for the last option.

A voice had answered quicker than you'd anticipated, soon followed by a harsh buzz of the intercom.

"Come on up."

Dr. Miller's office was on the third floor.

You huffed, struggling with the combination of the stairs and attempting to wrangle your wet coat from your back. Amidst your struggle, you hear a door open somewhere above you, followed by a couple of soft and slow footsteps.

Your chin instinctively lifted toward the source of the noise, feet carrying you round and round the spiral staircase.

Light poured around his silhouette from the window behind him. It was ridiculous, actually. The sight was almost holy.

Neither of you spoke as you made your way up toward him. You felt as though you were on your knees beneath him, transfixed in supplication.

The sleeves of his blue cotton shirt were haphazardly pushed up just before his elbows, arms outstretched and fingers wrapped around the wooden bannister.

You were supposed to be actually trying with this one, not fantasising about the ways the veins in his arms probably bulged with his hand around your throat.

After being politely let go by your previous therapist, you'd promised yourself that the colleague he'd recommended to you, Dr. Miller, would be the one to fix you for good.

"Hello." He nodded, not quite managing a smile.

He reached a hand toward you, which you shook with the little strength left in your body.

"Hello." You tried your best to imitate his stoic cadence, your hand still tightly in his.

You let him break the handshake first, playing a petulant, one-sided game to see how quick he would be to scare.

"After you." He gestured to the room behind him. "Take a seat wherever you feel most comfortable."

"If there is any cowboy paraphernalia in that room I am not paying for this session."

"Excuse me?" His eyebrows knitted together, no sign of humour registering on his face.

"Your accent - it was a joke. I mean, I paid already anyway." You fumbled your words awkwardly. "Jokes are always much funnier when you explain them."

He cocked his head slightly. Hesitant to embarrass yourself further, you saw yourself into his office.

The room was dim for a space endowed with Victorian-style floor-to-ceiling windows. It felt like you could get lost in it, hide away, tuck yourself into a corner and be lost for days.

"I have your notes from Dr. Hughes." He said.

"Anything juicy?" You asked, still surveying the room.

You couldn't put your finger on the specifics of his scent, but it was familiar; like passing a man in the street wearing the same aftershave as your father, or a boyfriend you hadn't seen for years.

"I'd like to figure that out myself."

You'd eventually settled on the armchair positioned opposite his own.

You had briefly wondered if this was a test, that he would be psychoanalysing whether you chose the armchair or the adjacent sofa.

Maybe you'd failed already.

For the majority of the session, you'd gone through the necessary motions of admin, confidentiality, and what you eventually wanted to get out of therapy.

"I don't have the ability to fix you, y'know that right?" His question had caught you off guard.

"I know that." You'd replied meekly.

"It's just, I don't know what kind of promises Dr. Hughes made you. We trained together, you see. He had always been more, how do I put this, hopeful than I am."

"Oh wow. Forty minutes into our first session and you're already hopeless?" You were only partly joking.

"I'm a big believer in transparency, and I can see you were meeting on and off for a few years. I'm just intrigued as to what your end goal here is."

You bit down on your cheek, swallowing the ember of rage that was burning in your throat.

"Do you think I do this for fun? Carve out an hour a week to relive my deepest, darkest traumas?"

"Not at all. I just find it interesting that after almost three years of therapy, you still can't use the word rape. You've referred to it as the thing that happened four times already."

The rot crept up your throat, threatening to pour out of your mouth and fill the room with the ugliness that grew inside of you.

"What is this, some kind of tough love therapy?" You scoffed. Was he trying to get a rise out of you?

"It can be whatever you want it to be."

He was kind of annoying, actually.

The two of you sat in silence, defiantly holding eye contact with one another to see who would be the first to break. And when he finally spoke, it was more of a statement than a question.

"That's time. I'll see you at the same time next week."

"How are you so sure I'll come back?"

He smiled for the first time that afternoon.

"I'm not."

[viviennevermillion]

ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ꜱᴄᴀʀ ᴛʜɪꜱ ʏᴏᴜɴɢ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ, ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴍʏ ʜᴀɴᴅ...

❝ I was made for loving you, even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through; every bone screaming, I don't know what we should do ❞ — tori kelly

prompt: affection they crave but don't dare to ask for

character included: ei, wanderer, pantalone, baizhu

contains: character x gn!reader, established relationship

warnings: descriptions of suffering and chronic illness in baizhu's part

✧ holding your hand — Ei is touch starved after the centuries she has spent locking herself away in the Plane of Euthymia. She's used to people respecting her and even fearing her, but few actually treat her as an equal. How could they after all? She was an archon and she had ruled Inazuma with an iron fist for quite a while. So something as simple as you taking her hand into yours just as she remembers her friends doing ages ago.... it's hardly something self-evident to her. She has a lot to learn about how the world has changed during her absence. Sometimes she may be confused or have this serious, slightly intimidating look on her face. Nothing better in this moment than her beloved taking her hand, which instantly brings a smile to her face. Ei doesn't ask you to hold her hand, she doesn't want to come off as clingy, but everytime the two of you are out on a date she's silently hoping you'll do this small gesture again that makes her heart skip a beat.

✧ leaning your forehead against hers — Even an archon like the Raiden Shogun is not without troubles. Quite on the contrary, Ei has a lot of them after all that has happened. When her doubts and grief creep up on her, a gesture such as leaning your forehead against hers is like a silent promise to her that you'll be there even as the storm rages on in her mind. Your touch is soothing to her restless soul and as she feels your kindness and the extent of your love, she understands what it means to find her beloved eternity in something as simple as a fleeting moment with you.

✧ kissing her neck — Ei, when she appears in public, represents eternity both as an archon and a person. She's solid and radiates an aura of untouchability. Who could have thought that someone as her was incredibly ticklish? She likes the sensation of your lips against her neck, but it also tickles her sensitive skin, so you can hear a giggle escaping her that you might not have heard otherwise. If you're planning to tease her and fool around, a giggle might turn into a hearty laugh. You'd be sure to earn the respect of Inazuma's citizens if they were to learn that you could draw a laugh like that out of the woman who once watched these lands with such a cold gaze.

✧ letting her rest her head on your shoulder — Ei doesn't technically need to sleep. But the duties of the Shogun can be quite taxing. As such, she appreciates the opportunity to wind down in your presence and take some deep breaths after a stressful day. You can always tell when she's tired. She tends to close her eyes and let the cool wind hit her face. If you offer her to rest her head on your shoulder, she'll happily take you up on it. She'll keep her eyes shut, enjoying the closeness to you as she mumbles a quiet "thank you". She loves to sit idly like this for a while, simply relishing in the love you give her each day.

✧ sharing things with her — There's just something so intimate about doing things together and sharing what you enjoy with each other. At first, Ei found the idea of sharing a can of dango milk with two straws or an ice cream cup a little silly, not understanding how it could be any different from each of you getting your own food and drinks, but after trying it she really felt like she bonded with you over it.

✧ letting him sit on your lap — This is something he would never ask for over his dead body unless you tease the hell out of him repeatedly but he's been thinking about it ever since getting together with you. He's all too familiar with bickering and pushing you away, even when he doesn't want to; because he's scared of what would become of him; were he to face another devastating betrayal. He craves your affection but he spends his days waiting.... yearning for it. For how foolish would it look if you were to mock him and abandon him for craving something as cheesy and human as this? So he pushes down his feelings and just settles for whatever affection you decide to give him. Until one day there's no seating spot left for him and you grab his waist, gently pulling him onto your lap. You had no idea up to that point that your lover was capable of blushing. But he's silent and doesn't dare to move, lest you might push him off with a joking comment. As you pull him closer to your chest, he relaxes into your embrace and closes his eyes. Your lips find the soft skin of his neck and place a couple of appreciative kisses on it. Wanderer lets out a relaxed sigh and turns his head to you to press a kiss to your lips. "You seem to enjoy this", you remarked with a smile on your face. "I'm simply making sure you don't cry about not getting enough affection later. That'd be a bother", he huffs and you can't help but let out a chuckle, knowing him well enough by now to see through his facade. You make a note to do this more often.

✧ playing with his hair — This one is in your favor because he has really, really soft hair. You don't even remember when it happened but at some point, laying his head in your lap and letting you card your fingers through the dark strands has become his way of unwinding after a long day. He loved the experience of finally feeling safe and cared for in someone else's presence after he had been surrounded by people he was more than justified to distrust for the past centuries. Your touch was soothing, like a gentle breeze inviting him to a place far away from his troubles and doubts. Never did Wanderer believe that anything in his life could be considered "a blessing from the gods", but with you? Well, he wouldn't be surprised. Or maybe it was simply what you were like; giving your love to him in this often cold and cruel world without expecting anything in return; your care for him blossoming and persisting in this reality despite all odds.

✧ squeezing his thigh — He loves when you do this, whether it be when you have to get up and leave to attend some business or whether it's in reassurance; despite how he'd claim that he doesn't need your support and encouragement about anything. He'd feel much more lost without it. He also enjoys simply having you rest your hand on his thigh while you're sitting idly on the couch or a picnic blanket, each of you tending to your own matters and interests but always enjoying being together like this. It reminds him that you're there, something he needs when the thoughts of his past and the uncertainty about his future start to creep up on him.

✧ kissing his shoulders — He's very weak for this. He has no idea what the point was; for a puppet to have any sensitive spots. Wouldn't he have been more efficient if he could feel no affection or pain? After all, wouldn't life have been less hurtful like this? But in those moments; feeling your lips trail soft kisses along his shoulders; he was, for the first time, glad that he was like that. He closes his eyes and focuses solely on the pleasant tickle your pecks left on his skin.

✧ holding him in your arms — Pantalone may seem like a cold and serious business man on the outside, but he can't fool his beloved. That man is a hopeless romantic once you get him to trust you and he's clingy as hell. He's a little spoon and he loves when you hold him in your arms after a long day of work that you sometimes even have to coax him away from. He'll rest his head against your chest as you do him the favor of gently removing his glasses that he forgot he even still had on because of how tired he was. He lets out a happy sigh as you run your fingers through his dark locks and press a kiss to his forehead. He may not ask you to do this, but he always makes sure to express his gratitude to you for the love you give him. "Thank you for always taking care of me like this, my dearest", he mumbles and nuzzles your neck, "and getting me to sleep on time... I had no idea it was already midnight." He let out of chuckle and you shake your head with a disappointed sigh. Not a week went by where you didn't find him nodding off at his desk at least once; struggling to keep his eyes open and accidentally misspelling or repeating words on the report drafts he made. "You need to take some more time off", you whisper, gently caressing his cheeks. "The work of a Fatui Harbinger is tedious", he simply states. But if you could convince him to take breaks and get enough rest with your love and affection? Well, that was enough for now.

✧ listing the reasons you love him — This is something he needs from time to time. He vividly remembers his youth where he used to search for coins in the streets to buy himself a meal and was politely told to exit restaurants as his shabby looks might have a negative impact on the establishments' reputation if wealthy customers saw him like this, sitting alone at the table with half a meal because that was all he could afford. His popularity and desirability skyrocketed when he became a wealthy business man and the 9th harbinger. What could you love about him, if not his material possessions? There are moment, especially in the beginning of the relationship, where nothing helps him get over his doubts more than you holding him close and reminding him of how beautiful he was in your eyes; how you'd love him with every fiber of your being even if he had not a single coin to spare. That you adored how thoughtful, intelligent, ambitious and passionate he was. You loved the light-hearted moments in which Pantalone would joke around with you and attempt to tease you; as well as the quiet nights where he just couldn't help but to kiss you over and over again because his love for you was too much to just keep in his heart. You felt the same. That's why you let him know how much he means to you and all the little things you've grown to love about him.

✧ shoulder massages — He needs those because he has so much muscle tension, you weren't sure how his back didn't hurt every minute of the day. There's few things Pantalone appreciates more than having you massage his shoulders and help his muscles relax when he pulls what you had come to refer to as another "desk work marathon". Again, he doesn't ask for this but he makes sure to thank you, interrupting his work for a moment to give you a loving kiss and look into your eyes as he tells you that he loves you.

✧ holding his hand when he's sick — We all know Baizhu has some days where his ailment gets so bad that he has to stay in bed and can't go to work. It took him a long, long time to even let you see him during those moments of weakness. Usually he'd just lock himself in his bedroom with only Changsheng for company as he tried to get through his pain on his own. After all, to him, it seemed as though it probably would be burden enough for you to love a man you knew was slowly dying. You didn't need to see him suffer like this. Only after you insisted several times that you want to be there for him when he has a bad day; that it would worry you way less if you could support him and comfort him; he let you in. Baizhu feels bad for relying on your help when he's in this state, but simultaneously your presence soon becomes a remedy he wouldn't want to miss out on. When the pain makes his whole body sore and the dizziness and nausea makes him feel like he's never going to get up again and the temperature of his body feels as though the gods of cryo and pyro were having a brutal war in his quarters; there's also, through all the hurt, the feeling of your hand holding his. The sound of your voice reassuring him that he was going to be okay and that you were right there with him. "Just focus on my hand", you tell him with a gentle voice as you run your fingertips over his palm as you see him shiver in the bed next to you. "I'm sorry that-", he croaks out but you interrupt him. "There's nothing you need to apologize for, my love", you reassure him and press a kiss to his forehead.

✧ helping him during bad days — Similarly, it also takes Baizhu a while to warm up to the idea of letting you assist him when he's feeling sick; be it making him tea or soup, taking care of some of his documents or wrapping his calves in wet cloths to help with the fever. You can only shake your head upon learning that he used to try and do these things himself while in this state. Changsheng is more than grateful that she doesn't have to fuss over the doctor as much as she used to now that you're here. Despite his initial protests, Baizhu has to admit that getting through one of those days had become way easier with someone around who actually had arms. Changsheng could try to ease his pain and comfort him with words but carrying a plate of soup was outside of the realm of possibility for the white snake.

✧ braiding his hair — As much as you love to see your lover with his hair down, there's many situations in his profession where a braid is more hygienic and comfortable to have. So he appreciates just being able to relax and talk with you about anything that crosses your minds while you braid his hair. If you keep commenting on how soft it is and how beautiful you think Baizhu is, you're sure to get a blush out of the physician. "You're adorable when you're flustered", you tease and Baizhu is glad that you're braiding his hair so he doesn't have to make eye contact with you. Oftentimes, doing this will have you press a kiss or two to his neck to remind him of your love for him while you tend to his long hair.

✧ deep and loving kisses — Baizhu loves when you take the initiative and just hold him in your arms while kissing him slowly and repeatedly. He appreciates to just be able to forget about his quest for immortality and his illness like this for a while, simply focusing on the feeling of your lips on his and your tongue circling around his, pouring all your love for him into the gesture and mumbling a quiet "I love you" in-between them. He knew very well that humans had a habit of living fast and the days going by faster than you'd think they would, so he adores just being able to indulge you and focus on your touch as if time had frozen for just a moment. He lets you pull him into another kiss as many times as you like to, simply grateful to be loved like this by someone he treasures as much as you.

[kaeyx]

UGHhh, Thinking about disgusting possessive Dazai who does daily hole checks. Everytime you wake up, he has your legs thrown around his shoulders holding your pussylips/asshole open as he checks you. He might even go as far as to dip a couple fingers in to make sure you're still stuffed from last night's... activities. Hole checks are also done as soon as you get home from college/work/hobbies just to make sure no one else touched you. He'll call or text you daily to send him a picture of your little hole/s to make sure it looks just how he left it. Full of his cum. IF (and you better hope there aren't) he finds or sees something out of place or not to his liking... you're fucked. He'll check your little hole/s and if it's not as wet OR even wetter than before you left? He's tying down your hands and legs and mafia style interrogating you, holding a loaded gun to your head, going through your phone (location, calls, texts ect) going through your bag and even sniffling your panties to see if he "smells a difference." If his cum is no longer inside you, cause obviously it's gonna drip out 🙄 he's gonna assume you cleaned yourself for another cock to pump you full. (Hate him so bad but I also NEED him so bad 😩)

-💋 (I could see this for ADA PM BEAST, Chuuya, Fyodor and Nikolai tbh. Chuuya not as much though he's not crazy like the others, possessive? Yes. Crazy? A little. But not Dazai crazy.)

Agkakfskxna wetness checks and hole inspections are so HOT and he's so gross he makes me ill oughfhfhg /pos

In exchange for letting you leave the house you have to promise you'll send Beastzai pictures whenever he asks, so he can keep an eye on you. He wakes you up every morning with your legs around his hips, cockhead pressed up to your cervix as he floods you with cum. He kisses you and maybe slides a plug into you if he's feeling generous, if not you have to somehow manage to keep all that mess inside you for the whole day. During the day you can do whatever you want, he's going to keep an eye on you anyway. Apart from sending a few of his people to shadow you, I think he's the type to put a tracker on your phone or you, sewing it into your favourite jacket or in a piece of jewellery you always wear.

Even when he knows where you are at all times, Beastzai loves checking in on you at random times. If you're in class or at work, you have to excuse yourself to the bathroom and send him a picture of your messy hole, dripping his cum. Sometimes he tells you to finger it back in, with video proof of course. If he doesn't think you're wet enough, you have to edge a few times to keep your head fuzzy, so you can focus on what's actually important. Beastzai wants you to be a desperate, throbbing mess, thinking with your cunt, soaking through your clothes.

If he doesn't think that's enough he'll call you to the PM hq during the day, only to fill you up again. Sometimes he has time to fuck you properly, but sometimes he just sits back in his chair while you do the work, cruelly pinching your clit if he thinks you're enjoying yourself too much. This isn't about your orgasm, it's about keeping you full, it's about breeding you so you don't forget who you belong to. If he's feeling particularly cruel he won't even penetrate you, jerking off over you while he watches your pussy drool and clench on nothing, only to push inside with one stroke and empty his balls as deep as he can into your cunt. If you're not loose and wet enough to take him, that's too bad. You know it's your job to be always ready for use. He even rubs the sticky, messy tip of his cock against your clit right before he puts all your clothes back on, just to be mean.

[fatuismooches]

i'll brainrot with you about dottore and his sick! s/o:

clearly with s/o's conditions it's not optimal to go outside in the freezing cold, but one day the snowfall is so much more gentle outside and something like this is a rare occasion in snezhnaya. would dottore indulge them (of course with plenty of precautions taken) or would he rather not risk it at all?

your writing paints such vivid pictures in my head and i honestly love the comfort and warmth your work brings :]]

♡ 𝐒𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐲 𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐃𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐞 ♡

synopsis: Your poor health and fragile condition have consistently gotten in the way of various activities for many years. But that was going to change today, as you were going to take your first step into the flaky goodness of pure, white snow.

includes: dottore w/ gn! reader

notes: Related to the posts under my fragile reader tag. Thank you very much, I'm very glad my writing makes you happy! This was so cute, I originally planned for it to be only a couple hundred words but I went overboard and decided to make it a full-blown piece.

You used to enjoy the concept of cold. Growing up in a hot country had you deeply curious about the kind of weather that would warrant people wearing dozens of layers, bundling up to the point where they were barely recognizable. You wanted to go somewhere that snowed one day, you once told your lover as he sat at his desk, tinkering with Archons knows what. Dottore only grunted in response, saying that if research led him there, you would accompany him. As a matter of fact, there were some Ruin Guards he wanted to take a look at in Dragonspine. You hummed, enjoying the moment as you continued to flip through the picture book.

But now, you couldn’t bring yourself to like the cold. You think that if you weren’t sick, you’d enjoy the weather in Snezhnaya much more, but the cold permeates your body even though you’re inside the lab. (Dottore had to force Pantalone to give him more funds to install more heaters.) You didn’t like to even walk through the halls of Dottore’s complicated maze-like lab because they were too big, making the cold air suffocate you all around. (Unless you’re accompanied by a clone. Somehow, Dottore had implemented a feature into his clones to heat up and become warm, so when you’d cling to them, you wouldn’t be cold anymore. You enjoyed it thoroughly because the reactions of the clones were cute.)

Many days, you spent the time looking out the tightly sealed window at the snow. Despite living in the snow-covered nation for so long, you had never sunken a foot into the powdery fluff. When Zandik was recruited into the Fatui, you were unconscious during the trip because your body surely would not be able to handle such an extraneous journey. How would it feel, you thought? You’ve frequently asked some of your favorite clones to tell you how the snow felt. (You felt slightly embarrassed asking your real lover.) Apparently, most of the time the snow was deep and crunchy from continuous snowfall. If you weren’t careful where you walked, half of your leg could get swallowed underneath! Many children liked to form things like balls out of the snow and play games with them. But sometimes, very rarely, the snow lightens and melts, depending on how the Tsaritsa feels. It’s a beautiful scene, apparently.

You had lost faith in the Gods long ago after your mysterious illness suddenly struck you (Zandik never cared about them in the first place), but you hoped and prayed to any force that was willing to listen to you - please let the snow ease up, just a bit. It was a bit hypocritical since you did not like the cold, but you still desired to experience it like a normal person. You could bear the pain if only to have fun for a couple of minutes. You did not tell your lover this; one, because you knew it was impossible with your condition, and two, you did not want to bother him with your frivolous wants. But it seemed like you were too obvious with your intentions, as one of the first things you’d do in the morning was drag yourself out of bed, despite the great amount of energy it took, to go to your favorite window and peer outside.

“You seem to be quite interested in watching the snow lately, aren’t you?” The deep voice behind you made you jump.

“Zandik! Oh, you scared for there,” you pressed a hand to your heart and quickly took a seat that was already permanently placed near the window, already tired from the past few minutes. Your lover walked toward you, hands carefully placed behind his back, each step calculated. You couldn’t help but find some happiness in that - the way he walked was always so commanding and enchanting somehow, hypnotizing too.

“The weather here is quite different from Sumeru,” you observed. “I can’t help but be intrigued by it.”

“Is that so? It is quite boring to me. The landscape is always the same and it is rather hard to conduct experiments outside because of it.” 

“Heh, it’s always the experiments and research with you. At least try to enjoy it,” you teased, rolling your eyes at him playfully. Dottore shook his head and gently flicked your forehead, causing you to pout.

“Furthermore, the cold isn’t good for you. I believed you didn’t like it, anyway,” Dottore scoffed.

“I know,” you said softly. “But I still want to experience it,” the last part was a mumble that was meant for yourself, but Dottore heard it anyway, making his eyes widen as a thought began to quickly form.

“Do you… want to go outside and see the snow?”

The fact that you were caught made you bolt up straight and quickly try to deny it. “No, no, I’m fine. It was just a fleeting thought,” you quickly reassured him.

Dottore doesn’t know why he didn’t realize it sooner. Of course you would be bored, waking up every day to the same redundant routine, watching everyone go about their daily lives while you sat there, helpless to do anything besides wait for him to cure you. Of course you would want to do something new, after hearing the same repetitious lines of how you’ll get better soon, how he’s working on a new medicine, how it’ll all be over soon, but when was “soon” coming? How long has the envy of others been eating you up? The thought of that made his smile slip.

A soft goodbye snapped him out of his thoughts. A clone had come to administer your daily medicine and get you ready for the day. Dottore quickly put his usual smirk back on and nodded at you. Your gentle smile and a wave bid him farewell, as the clone wrapped his arm around you to support you as you walked away. But Zandik was still thinking. When was the last time he had seen you with a big smile? A big, goofy one that stretched your lips beautifully and made your face hurt from smiling that hard. The answer was, he did not know. The most he could recall was from his Akademiya days, where you would greet him with one of those grins every morning, always a ball of energy.

The fact followed him throughout the day as he worked. The mere idea that it was bothering him so much was simply absurd. But he could not forget about the times his clones has reported to him about the times you cried. When you refused to leave your room some days or didn’t want to eat. He was not one for any type of comfort, not when his hands had committed some of the most wicked acts to man. How could he be, when the first thing on his mind was to hurt others, but the last thing he wanted to do was hurt you? 

He did not know what to do, where to place his hands or if saying something would make the situation worse. He did not know what to do other than let you rest your head on his shoulder, allowing you to take his hand and place it on your head, giving him the okay to stroke your hair. He let you babble to your heart’s content and awkwardly wiped your tears away, for when he looked into your painfully bleak eyes that were once filled with life, he did not think he could refuse you.

It was an odd feeling for him. He took pleasure in seeing the pain of others, delighting at the moment when they lost all hope. He found it amusing when others took a stand against him, only to see their expression fall when they realized it was fruitless. But you? The thought of that happening to you made him… He had to do something.

—

One day you woke up, ready to live out another normal and boring day. As you sleepily rubbed your eyes, you noticed something was a bit off. Usually, you could hear the wind howling and the snow slamming against the windows, even if it was just a little bit. But there was nothing. As you lay on the bed, collecting enough energy to get out of bed, a glimmer of hope grew within you. With a great push, you heaved yourself out of bed and made a beeline to the window. You sat down on the chair, and pulled the curtains to the side, prepared to be disappointed, but what you saw blew you away.

The snow had melted significantly, leaving a moderate and easily walkable layer on the ground. The snowfall had reduced greatly, and it no longer pounded on the window. Instead, it flew down calmly from the sky, which was still gray, but it was a beautiful, hazy kind of gray. Now that there weren’t mass amounts of snow blowing your view, you noticed there was some kind of river around the lab. It was still frozen over, but the ice sparkled beautifully and reflected the snow-covered trees. Speaking of trees, you didn’t know it was possible for such boring things to look so pretty. Copious amounts of snow rested on the limbs, occasionally slumping to the ground with a thud, and the process kept repeating as snowfall continued.

Your jaw was slack the whole time, as you continued to take in the breathtaking scenery. Snezhnaya just got ten times better, you thought.

“I see you’ve seen the change in weather, [Name]. It seems to be to your liking.”

“Eep!” you started at the assertive voice that was practically in your ear. Dottore had snuck up on you while you were too entranced by the view to notice him. “You need to stop doing that,” you scolded him. 

His deep chuckle tugged at your heartstrings. “To think that after this many times, my experiment’s results have not changed. Truly fascinating.”

You tried to ball your hands into fists to prevent yourself from blushing. “A-Anyway, you should have woken me up earlier! I didn’t think this was possible!” you fretted, still in utter shock at this. 

“That, I could not do. You know your body requires a great amount of rest.” You couldn’t argue with that. He was right.

“Now, is there something you want to do?” It was as if he had somehow planned for this to happen.

You fiddled with your sweater, trying to find the words for your outlandish request. “Sooo, um, I know this may not be possible, but can I go outside? I know with my health and stuff it may be hard but… just for a bit, please,” your voice got quieter and quieter towards the end of your sentence. You bit your lip in anticipation and nervously kept your eyes trained on the rug-covered floor. The few seconds of silence that passed felt endless.

“Yes, you may-”

“Really?!?!”

Your legs were swinging happily, and there it was. Pearly whites peeked out as you grinned cheerfully and you threw your hands up into the air. The smile he had not seen in far too long.

“But, I will accompany you, and you must stay by me at all times. You must follow all of my directions as well. Do you understand?”

A walk with your lover too? “Yes, yes I’ll do anything you ask!” you easily complied. You gathered all of your energy and squeezed your partner as hard as you could (which, wasn’t that hard, but to you it was) taking him off guard. You buried your face into his midsection and refused to let go, your words of thanks being muffled from being so close to him. Dottore was stiff at first but then eased into your embrace, fingering a cord of your hair.

You were feeling a burst of energy from this exciting news, so you had to do one more thing. You released him, and when you looked up, you could see that same self-assured, confident smile that you loved. Before he could speak again, you tugged on his blue ascot with as much force as you could summon, pulling him farther down to your level allowing you to smash your lips onto his. Catching him off guard allowed you to be in control for a couple of seconds, but it is quickly relinquished as your lover takes over quickly, effortlessly deepening the kiss. When the two of you parted, he had an almost smug grin on his face, displaying his pointy shark-like teeth.

“My my, quite eager, aren’t we? I have not seen these kinds of surprises since those old days.”

“Well,” you pecked both of his soft cheeks again, “you know I always make sure my doctor knows how I feel.” At that point, there was a knock on the door and one of Dottore’s clones came in to help you with your morning routine.

“Go about your day. I will come to get you when it’s time.” You smiled and squeezed his hand once more as you rose from the chair. Dottore’s hands returned behind his back as he watched the clone and you leave.

“Perhaps I should start to add new variables to my experiment… the results are quite interesting indeed.”

—

You could not focus on anything for the whole time. Your mind was all over the place thinking about how satisfying it would be to sink your foot into the fluffy goodness.

Apparently, Dottore had designed some kind of special jacket for you to wear, along with a scarf, gloves, earmuffs, boots, and more. It had some kind of built-in heater somehow, which made everything consistently warm including your body. Normally you’d listen to his rambles on how he created it and such, but you were too giddy at the thought of freaking snow. (And also how he took the time to make all this stuff for you. It probably only took him a short amount of time considering how intelligent he was, but the action warmed your heart.)

There were quite a few clones in the lab area watching you. You think that they seemed happy for you. One of them was helping you put the gear on while your lover set down some ground rules. Zandik also had on a big fluffy coat, which made him look rather cute. You kind of wanted to fit yourself inside of it with him.

“First, you must stay by my side at all times. You’ll probably have to hold onto my arm to steady yourself. We will be following a path. This means no straying in any other direction, at least without my permission. Of course, if you feel that you can’t handle the weather anymore, let me know immediately. Do you agree to abide by these rules?”

You held back a sigh and a laugh. You knew that all of these precautions were necessary but they were still a drag. Plus, the way your lover said it all seriously as if your very existence was on the line made you want to giggle.

“Yes, Zandik. I agree to all of your rules,” you huffed as the clone finished zipping up the jacket. “My common sense is still intact, you know.”

Even though he did not show it at all, Dottore was the slightest bit uneasy. There were many things he did not understand or know about your illness. Would the sudden change in the environment trigger you? He was not sure, but he already prepared for the worst. If anything, it would be a learning experience too - to see how much your body could handle. He was ready to take notes in his head.

“Come here.”

You slowly trekked your way toward him, getting used to the feel of the long boots. It was hard to imagine wearing these every day, but you soon fell into your lover’s chest as he began to stroke your hair.

“Well then, let us go,” he wrapped a steady arm around your waist to help you balance. “Watch the lab for me,” Dottore directed the other clones as they waved goodbye to you.

They were so cute, to be honest. Especially the ones from the Akademiya days.

—

You did not realize the extent of how big Dottore’s lab was until now. There were so many paths and rooms you walked by that you had no idea existed. What was beyond those doors? Some questions were better left unanswered. You were just letting your partner guide you as you clung to his side (the walking was a lot) until you reached a great, big door with a keypad.

“Are you ready?” 

You eagerly nodded. 

“And you do still remember the-” 

“Yes, Zandik, I remember everything you told me,” you groaned. “Please just open the door already.”

“Patience, [Name],” he chuckled. “I look forward to seeing your reaction.” He let go of you and typed a whole long password on the keypad. And in an instant, loud noises exuded from the door as it began to open from the sides.

The first thing you felt was the puff of cold air hitting your cheeks, instinctively making you raise your arms to cover it. In a couple of seconds, the door opened completely and you could feel the light shine down on you. You put your hands down, and the snowy, outside world was laid before you.

It was majestic. The snow has managed to be untainted by any other substances, allowing it to be a pristine white that covered the landscape. Slowly, you took a few steps forward as Dottore carefully watched you, until you were standing at the edge where the floor ended, and the snow began. You took a quick glance at your lover and he motioned for you to go on. And so you did. You stepped into the snow.

The first thing you noticed was the crunch of the snow under your boots. It was oddly satisfying. And the way your foot sunk so easily into, it kind of reminded you of quicksand. But you could kick it around so easily, yet you could see it was hard enough to be used to form something solid. The cold hit you like a ton of bricks, but you were doing everything in your power to withstand it. The enhanced gear from your partner helped a lot. But, all you could say was wow. You were starting to get a bit jealous of the people who could walk in such surroundings every day with ease.

Dottore on the other hand was quite satisfied. The scenery was not what he found appealing. Rather, it was you. He found no interest in such worldly things, but your reactions were ever-changing and amusing to him. A snowflake fell on your nose and melted. You wrinkled your nose at the unfamiliar feeling. And he couldn’t help but chuckle at that.

“Hold onto me. The road is quite icy and slippery. You need to be very careful.” Zandik linked his arms with you, and you gratefully reciprocated.

You could not keep your eyes off anything and everything you saw. You loved Sumeru, but Snezhnaya was starting to grow on you. It was beautiful. But what you loved, even more, was talking to Zandik. You two had not had this much time together in far too long. He enthusiastically prattled on about his experiments, his creations. He even told you about his clones’ journey to Sumeru, and how the almighty Traveler was powerless against them. You indulged him of course. You had always loved his voice, and you found it rather endearing when he’d go on his rambles.

Dottore intentionally made sure the pace was slow and steady, so as to not rush your body or make you too tired. But of course, even after only a bit of time passed, you needed to rest. Thankfully, the two of you reached some kind of gazebo with a couple of benches inside. You had no idea this existed, and it seemed Dottore didn’t either, which didn’t surprise you. That man probably only cared about the entrance and exit to his lab.

The bench was cold but you did not care. Having your lover with you for this long already made you feel warm and fuzzy. Furthermore, you’d be crazy not to take advantage of the situation. You called his name and before you could make a move, he spoke.

“How do you feel?”

“Huh?”

“Has your heart rate increased since the exposure to the snow and cold? Do you feel light-headed? How easily can you move your arms and legs?”

“O-oh, well… um, I feel cold. My heart is a bit fast from the walking, but nothing out of the ordinary. My legs hurt from the walk too… but I’m used to it.”

“Interesting…” Zandik put his hand to his chin as he seemed to think. You sighed, and shifted closer to him, beginning to run your hands up his coat, which clearly grabbed his attention but he watched you silently. Your hands reached his soft cheeks and brushed over the cold exterior of his mask.

“You know, you should take this off more often,” you suggested as your hands began to creep under the sides of the mask. “There’s no one around…” you hummed. Dottore made no move to stop you so you easily slipped the mask off, revealing his sharp crimson eyes boring into you, and scars from long ago. Of course, you couldn’t help but smile at the face of your lover. 

You moved in to press your lips against his, pleased at how you could now gently trace your fingers over his scars. No matter how long you knew him, he was sensitive to touch around that area, so you always made sure to be careful.

It was an odd, but strangely good feeling, Dottore thought. One he did not know he missed, as you began to pepper kisses along the top of his face. It had been a while since the two of you had kissed for so long, which was a result of your lack of liveliness due to your illness. It seems the new surroundings really did help you. He would have to keep that in mind.

“You’re so cute,” you giggled. He frowned at that and grabbed both your wrists, pushing your back onto the bench, and making you yelp.

“Enough of that. I believe that all of this has gone to your head,” Dottore’s domineering tone was back again.

“I was just- eep!” Your words were cut short as Zandik’s lips began to mark your neck.

“The human body’s temperature can go up a substantial amount just from kissing. Would you care to experiment the limits of that with me? You would be the perfect test subject,” you felt his unhinged grin spread against your neck.

“After all, I wouldn’t want you becoming too cold now, hmm?” His impossible strength easily overpowered you as he moved to hold both your wrists with one hand, while his free one rested on your thigh.

As you relinquished yourself to him, your lips were claimed an innumerable amount of times, a clear reminder of who you belonged to.

—

You had to turn in early for the night. The miniature adventure was so, so fun, and it felt like you kicked your illness in the ass for a bit, but now you really had to get some rest to recover what little strength you had. Surprisingly, Zandik was there with you this time, instead of one of his clones. 

“...I’m sleepy, Zandik.”

“Of course. Your body has experienced much more physical exertion than usual. It needs time to relax.” You sighed, letting the warmth of the blankets begin to take you to dreamland.

“Hey, Zandik?”

“Yes, [Name]?”

“Remember when we were in the Akademiya, and during the night, I’d go down into your bunk bed and sleep with you? Hehe…”

“Yes, I remember rather clearly, the intrusion of my privacy and theft of my pillows,” he sighed. The first time you did that, he did not expect to be entranced by the sunlight cascading onto your peaceful face, the fluttering of your eyelashes, and the occasional quirk of your lips as you clearly dreamt of something good. But he had no knowledge of how to handle these feelings, so he shoved you off the tiny bed, rudely waking you up. You ended up walking around the Akademiya with a bump on your head after that.

“I was trying to give you hints, Zandik. You were just dense,” you pouted. “Hey, you should come and lay with me for a bit. Like the old days.”

Dottore was hesitant. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, rather, he was so incredibly busy, especially after today. To be more precise, he felt that time not spent on finding a cure for you was time inefficiently used (most of the time.)

You tugged on his sleeve pleadingly. “Just for five minutes, until I nod off…”

He couldn’t bring himself to deny you, as he slipped under the covers with you. The softness of the mattress, plush blankets, and pillows that had your scent almost made him do a double take. It had been a long time since he was in a bed in general. Perhaps just a few hours of rest wouldn’t hurt. It would boost his effectiveness drastically…

You immediately scooted your body towards his and pressed it into his, nudging your face into his chest. He came to rest his hand on your head, while the other was loosely thrown over your waist.

“I miss you,” you softly uttered. He did not respond, nor did you expect an answer - what could he say anyway? The soft stroking on your head was more than enough for you at this moment, and it quickly lulled you to sleep.

“Thank… you.” You were out like a light, while your lover looked at you, absentmindedly fiddling with a strand of your hair.

It was no simple task to make this happen. But as a scholar, of course, he was able to negotiate. For once, it wasn’t for his own gain, but for you. The results? It was a complete and utter success. 

Dottore could not lie, he felt as though he was back at the Akademiya with you. He remembers the two of you walking down the hallways, your chatty and sweet self a stark contrast to his rather irritated and know-it-all aura. How you would hug him from behind late in the night as he worked at his desk, begging and whining for him to go to sleep as you both had long lectures in a few hours.

He admittedly wants to see you take the first step into a raging blizzard. He wants to see you brave the cold with ease. He wants to see you swing your sword without abandon again, not afraid to take on anyone in a verbal or physical fight. He wanted his assistant back: the one who would be ready to jump down the throat of someone who dared to question him, the one who organized his notes in the most efficient manner.

The God of Wisdom once told him that his research was insulting, contradictory to the rules and ways of life. Now that he looked back on it, he found it amusing - even a Godly being was held back by such drivel. But it did not matter to him. There was no rule or barrier he wasn’t willing to cross in order to cure you, as he had already done it multiple times with no remorse. He would oversee your absolute recovery personally.

After all, there were many more snowy days to come.

Bonus:

“You know, Arlecchino, I saw the most interesting thing the other day,” a soft voice echoed throughout the room.

“Hmm? What was it?”

“I happened across our lovely Doctor going into Her Majesty, The Tsaritsa’s chambers. For what, I wonder? Hehe…”

“...I guess that [Name] person truly does mean something to him, if he was willing to go that far.”