#but that is the only relevant line in the song

[misskattylashes]

Okay you guys have asked for it, here it is…

So it starts with Glastonbury. Alex did this really weird interlude (in the video) and it got me thinking what does he mean? A hole filled with water…..a moat!! He is implying he wanted to do jet skis on the moat….or is he?

Something weird happened at Glasto. Rosie, Miles’ manager was backstage with the Monkeys, then 505 had a really long intro like it did in London when Alex introduced Miles, as if it had been rehearsed this way and they had to stick to it because of timing etc. Then during the song, Alex did the✋👌🤚 sign with his hands, which is what he only does with Miles. Which got me thinking, was Miles meant to perform with them but management intervened at the last minute and stopped it (see also Miles suddenly withdrawing tlsp songs from his Dublin set after meeting with their manager).  Then finally, we get the world premiere of the I Wanna Be Yours/Star Treatment mash up. First line Alex sings ‘I just wanted a jet ski for the moat’ which initially bears no relevance to either IWBY or ST.

However….

Later on in Nimes Alex begins Star Treatment ‘it was lollipop sticks in spokes’ – aha! What is he talking about? There is a practice of putting lollipop sticks in the spokes of bikes so they sound like motorbikes as they go along. Where is Nimes? France. Where was TAOTU recorded? France, where there has been much mention of the young puppets going for long bike rides. Which gets me thinking that that opening line definitely relates to Miles as does all of Star Treatment.

So, when Alex says about wanting his jet ski for the moat….is he indeed referring to Miles? After all, what do you do to a Jet Ski? You ride it. What if Jet Skis is referring to a sexual position? After all, in the hetero world there is motorboating (check urban dictionary).

What if ‘jet skis on the moat, they shot it all in cinemascope’ is about him and Miles filming themselves getting jiggy, and indeed Miles is the ‘jet ski’ (ie to be ridden)?

So every time Alex sings I just wanted a jet ski for the moat, he is indeed referring to Miles?

What was the splash he was going to make? A duet with Miles? 505?

[its-your-mind]

Kim 👏 Dokja’s 👏 only 👏 reference 👏 for 👏 love 👏 his 👏 whole 👏 life 👏 was 👏 his 👏 mother 👏

he did not have a single friend for his whole life! and as far as his conscious mind knew, his mom’s act of protection and her subsequent sacrifice were sullied by her essay!

And he! Hated her for it! But he visited her! And told her about the novel that was the only thing that made his life worth living! Because somewhere deep down he did still love her and OF COURSE he knew she still loved him! Especially that deep down buried part of himself that Knew The Truth! Which made the hate hurt even worse!!

And so then!! When he finally had people he loved and who loved him back! He told them he loved them THE 👏 ONLY 👏 WAY 👏 HE 👏 KNEW 👏 TO 👏 TELL 👏 THEM 👏

Was to sacrifice himself. Over, and over, and over. And then use the story he created from that sacrifice, the Demon King of Salvation, to save them.

And that’s why all their attempts to stop him never worked. Because they tried to tell him that he was just as important as them. They tried to stand beside him in his sacrifice. They tried to get him to tell them the plan, so they could make a better one together.

But the plan was Never the point. He finally had people he loved, and now he even had a power that allowed him to negate his fear of death and numb his pain, and then the opportunity to come back from death, to tell them with more than one life and death how much he loved and cherished them.

[pixiecactus]

do you even know that i'm willing to break down any door, bleed on every floor just to get to you?

[crunchycrystals]

mitski was so right when she wrote the second verse to strawberry blonde

[tearlessrain]

please help me- i used to be pretty smart but i’m having so much trouble grasping the concept of diegetic vs non-diegetic bdsm!

gfkjldghfd okay first of all I'm sorry for the confusion, if you're not finding anything on the phrase it's because I made it up and absolutely nobody but me ever uses it, but I haven't found a better way to express what I'm trying to say so I keep using it. but now you've given me an excuse to ramble on about some shit that is only relevant to me and my deeply inefficient way of talking and by god I'm going to take it.

SO. the way diegetic and non-diegetic are normally used is to talk about music and sound design in movies/tv shows. in case you aren't familiar with that concept, here's a rundown:

diegetic sound is sound that happens within the world of the movie/show and can be acknowledged by the characters, like a song playing on the stereo during a driving scene, or sung on stage in Phantom of the Opera. it's also most other sounds that happen in a movie, like the sounds of traffic in a city scene, or a thunderclap, or a marching band passing by. or one of the three stock horse sounds they use in every movie with a horse in it even though horses don't really vocalize much in real life, but that's beside the point, the horse is supposed to be actually making that noise within the movie's world and the characters can hear it whinnying.

non-diegetic sound is any sound that doesn't exist in the world of the movie/show and can't be perceived by the characters. this includes things like laugh tracks and most soundtrack music. when Duel of Fates plays in Star Wars during the lightsaber fight for dramatic effect, that's non-diegetic. it exists to the audience, but the characters don't know their fight is being backed by sick ass music and, sadly, can't hear it.

the lines can get blurry between the two, you've probably seen the film trope where the clearly non-diegetic music in the title sequence fades out to the same music, now diegetic and playing from the character's car stereo. and then there are things like Phantom of the Opera as mentioned above, where the soundtrack is also part of the plot, but Phantom of the Opera does also have segments of non-diegetic music: the Phantom probably does not have an entire orchestra and some guy with an electric guitar hiding down in his sewer just waiting for someone to break into song, but both of those show up in the songs they sing down there.

now, on to how I apply this to bdsm in fiction.

if I'm referring to diegetic bdsm what I mean is that the bdsm is acknowledged for what it is in-world. the characters themselves are roleplaying whatever scenarios their scenes involve and are operating with knowledge of real life rules/safety practices. if there's cnc depicted, it will be apparent at some point, usually right away, that both characters actually are fully consenting and it's all just a planned scene, and you'll often see on-screen negotiation and aftercare, and elements of the story may involve the kink community wherever the characters are. Love and Leashes is a great example of this, 50 Shades and Bonding are terrible examples of this, but they all feature characters that know they're doing bdsm and are intentional about it.

if I'm talking about non-diegetic bdsm, I'm referring to a story that portrays certain kinks without the direct acknowledgement that the characters are doing bdsm. this would be something like Captive Prince, or Phantom of the Opera again, or the vast majority of bodice ripper type stories where an innocent woman is kidnapped by a pirate king or something and totally doesn't want to be ravished but then it turns out he's so cool and sexy and good at ravishing that she decides she's into it and becomes his pirate consort or whatever it is that happens at the end of those books. the characters don't know they're playing out a cnc or D/s fantasy, and in-universe it's often straight up noncon or dubcon rather than cnc at all. the thing about entirely non-diegetic bdsm is that it's almost always Problematic™ in some way if you're not willing to meet the story where it's at, but as long as you're not judging it by the standards of diegetic bdsm, it's just providing the reader the same thing that a partner in a scene would: the illusion of whatever risk or taboo floats your boat, sometimes to extremes that can't be replicated in real life due to safety, practicality, physics, the law, vampires not being real, etc. it's consensual by default because it's already pretend; the characters are vehicles for the story and not actually people who can be hurt, and the reader chose to pick up the book and is aware that nothing in it is real, so it's all good.

this difference is where people tend to get hung up in the discourse, from what I've observed. which is why I started using this phrasing, because I think it's very crucial to be able to differentiate which one you're talking about if you try to have a conversation with someone about the portrayal of bdsm in media. it would also, frankly, be useful for tagging, because sometimes when you're in the mood for non-diegetic bodice ripper shit you'd call the police over in real life, it can get really annoying to read paragraphs of negotiation and check-ins that break the illusion of the scene and so on, and the opposite can be jarring too.

it's very possible to blur these together the same way Phantom of the Opera blurs its diegetic and non-diegetic music as well. this leaves you even more open to being misunderstood by people reading in bad faith, but it can also be really fun to play with. @not-poignant writes fantastic fanfic, novels, and original serials on ao3 that pull this off really well, if you're okay with some dark shit in your fiction I would highly recommend their work. some of it does get really fucking dark in places though, just like. be advised. read the tags and all that.

but yeah, spontaneous writer plug aside, that's what I mean.

[reiderwriter]

505

Week Four of my yearly playlist challenge!

Summary: When you fall asleep on the overnight drive between one case and the next, Spencer gets awfully distracted by your sleep talking.

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI Partial Spencer POV, dom!Spencer, brat!Reader, pain play (scratching, choking, spanking, etc), degradation (use of whore, slut), masturbation (m and f), orgasm denial, breeding kink, creampie, cockwarming.

A/N; Thank you to the Arctic Monkeys for fuelling my delusions and for gif makers everywhere for their services to horniness. This was the first playlist fic chosen from a recommended song, so if you enjoyed it, don't forget to send me more song recommendations for the playlist!~

Masterlist || Playlist

Spencer was never the most confident driver in the BAU, but between the two of you, he was the only one who possessed a licence. 

Which is how he found himself driving through the night with you asleep in his passenger seat, trying not to be distracted by the small whimpers and sighs dropping from your mouth. 

You'd been sent across state lines to investigate a recent homicide that may have been linked with your current case, and now that you'd deemed it relevant to your case, you were driving back to the rest of the team with all the documents you needed in tow. 

He'd been happy to drive when you left, with the sky black and the air cold, knowing that the country roads that would lead you just over the border would be practically empty. He'd even been content to let you sleep the majority of the journey, having noticed how little sleep you'd managed to get so far on this case. 

He'd been happy until your lips parted and you'd whispered his name in a moan. 

He'd thought you were awake at that moment and assumed you were about to ask where you were or what time it was. But you hadn't opened your eyes, and your breaths were still even and steady. 

You did it again five minutes later, and the gentle sound hit the hairs on the back of his neck, sending a shiver down his spine that settled comfortably in his now tight pants. 

‘Shit,’ he thought, sparing a glance at you whilst keeping his hands comfortable at 10 and 2, his posture rigid as he willed other parts of his body to relax. 

Your legs had splayed open, your hand having fallen unconsciously between them for some kind of relief. He didn't let his thoughts linger where his eyes had fallen. 

He tried to convince himself that you were just dreaming about a case. Maybe he'd been shot in your dream, and you'd felt sad. Maybe your moans were ones of sorrow. 

“Spencer, fuck…”

Maybe he was going to hell for the thoughts flooding his brain because he wanted nothing more than to slide a hand into your pants and start giving you the relief you so blatantly begged for. 

He settled for turning into the next motel he saw advertised on the road. Hotch had told them, of course, that they could rest up for the night if needed, but he'd been too eager to get on the road while it was clear. But with his mind fogged with less than ideal thoughts, and your obviously aching body moaning beside him, a motel honestly couldn't hurt. 

You woke up slowly as he parked the car, the lack of motion wearily drawing you from your dream. He looked across at you and let out a sigh of relief to see you conscious. 

He'd been willing to carry you to whatever room you'd get, but he didn't know whether his hands would linger over your body. Wouldn't know if he'd be able to retract his hands at all if you reacted like that in your sleep. 

Now you were awake and looking at him, talking to him even, but all he could think about was whether you'd react better to his touch when awake. How could he get you to moan his name again, and how loud would you dare do it?

“Spence? Hello, are you listening?”

“What?” 

“Okay, I'm glad you pulled off the road if you're so tired you're not even hearing me speak,” you laughed a little, and the sound shot straight to his cock. 

Your voice was thick with sleep, and the phantom of his name hung on your lips, having been the last words to drop from your tongue. He usually had better control of himself. 

“Yeah, let's go get some sleep. You sounded pretty tired, too.” 

“Sounded?” You asked, and he watched your face warp in gentle confusion. He bit his tongue, trying to retract the statement, choosing the cold, biting winter air over the sight of you with a pout on your lips. 

His brain was addled with thoughts of those two plump cushions pouting around his cock as he held your hair back and- and yes, the cold air was definitely necessary. 

“You stretch your legs, I'll go organise the room,” you said, climbing out of your side of the car. He nodded along, not trusting his voice not to break like a prepubescent boy and turning his back to you, not trusting his eyes to linger awkwardly on your ass. 

It seemed like seconds, and then you were back leading him to the rooms you'd booked. 

When you unlocked only one door, with only one key, however, Spencer found all the progress of the last few minutes squashed immediately. 

“We're sharing?” He hung around the door, not sure whether to step inside or just resign himself to sleeping in the car. He made a mental note to grab some tissues before heading back out to the car if this conversation ended the way he thought it would. 

“Yeah, they only had one room cleaned and ready right now. It's fine, right? We've shared rooms on cases before.” 

You’d shared rooms on cases before, but never after he'd driven for nearly a half hour listening to you moan his name. He'd usually been too exhausted after full days of work and had regrettably fallen asleep first each time you'd been roommates. 

“Yeah, it's cool.” He cleared his throat, trying to make the octave jump his voice had just made it seem like a symptom of some kind of sickness he was coming down with. 

“Great, let me just go shower quickly, and then we can get into bed.” 

Warnings signals rang throughout his head, but he still sat patiently listening to the water running in the shitty motel bathroom. Grabbing his go bag, he readied himself for sleep, trying to ignore the fact that you were hot and wet and naked just a wall away and that he could hear everything. 

Every sigh you released, every trickle of water running across your skin. Every mumble of his name. 

Again, he thought he'd imagined it, but now he was sure you were torturing him. 

Your gasps of air were less innocent than they were four minutes ago, chest having faster and faster, and he thought it was clear that your hand covered your mouth to make you less audible. He didn't know what you were doing, but it didn't matter much to his cock, which had stiffened painfully once again. Unconsciously, his hand reached for it, needing to give himself some release. He'd already pulled off his slacks and put on his baggier sleep pants, which did nothing to hide his affliction. 

Instead, it was somehow more obvious, painfully so. And his hand was pawing at it through the thin material, chasing that high that you yourself were likely close to in the bathroom. 

It was only when the shower shut off once more that he realised how fogged his brain had been. His cock throbbed in his hand, and it certainly wasn't going down anytime soon, and you'd be out of the bathroom in minutes if not seconds. 

With no other choice, he dived under the bed sheets and pulled them up across his chest, too, and began to pretend to sleep. 

When the light spilt from the bathroom, he screwed his eyes shut tighter, even as his brain willed him to sneak a look at you. 

But he held firm, telling himself that he just needed to wait for you to fall asleep and then he'd relieve himself. 

At least those were his plans until he felt the dip in the bed, the movement of his sheets, and the warmth spreading across the bed from you to him. 

You'd climbed into bed right next to him. Your ass was mere centimetres away from his crotch, and he shuddered in pleasure. Shuddered. 

He tried to keep his breathing still, even, and he really thought after a few minutes that you too had fallen asleep. It was all but impossible as your body cuddled in closer to his and he found your ass pressed comfortably against his straining cock. 

“Y/N, you need to move,” he warned, breath shooting out of him as he resisted digging his hands into your breasts and holding you tight so you couldn't move. 

“I don't want to,” you replied sleepily, either not noticing the danger you were in or not caring. 

His hands rested on your hips, trying to press you just slightly away so his own hips could scoot back, but you clung to his heat. 

“It's cold in here, Spencer, and you're like a furnace right now.” With those pouty words, you turned your body around and wrapped your hips up and around his body. He scooted back as you did, though, just an inch too far, and instead of landing softly against his chest, the two of you landed in a tangled mess on the floor. 

“Spencer,” you moaned again, this time in shock, as you perhaps finally felt his aching length poking the inside of your thigh. 

He'd dampened your fall on the way down, clasping you to him as he flailed in the air for a few seconds, bringing his downfall on faster with your ass cupped in his palms. 

“Fuck, Spencer, you're so hard.” His dick twitched at the sound of your tired voice pressed against his ear. 

You pulled away slowly, head peeking down between you, trying to catch a glimpse of his still hardening cock between the two of you. 

“Don't look, it'll get harder,” he grunted, grasping your hips harder and trying to catch your attention again. But that just had you grinding down into his hips again, and your mouth widened in that perfect ‘o’ as you felt the desperation and need drip from him. 

“Spencer,” you said, hips reacting slowly at first as they kept up the small movements of pressing down on him and lifting your hips slightly to do so again. 

You were grinding your cunt into his hard cock, pinning him to the ground and using his body to get yourself off. 

It was the most deliriously arousing thing he'd ever born witness to. 

“Y/N, stop it before you regret it.” His tone was a warning, but his words came out at barely a whisper. You didn't even bother with a reply. 

“Y/N, please I mean it-” 

“Spencer, fuck-” you moaned for the last time before he pushed you to the ground and pressed his lips against yours. 

He'd hit his limit, and now he was going to reach his reward. 

He ran his hands up to the waistband of your sleep shorts and quickly tugged them down, lips not leaving yours as he forced his tongue into your mouth. Your moans were throaty now, and they were loud, your brain so delirious with just you'd completely bypassed any shy feelings. 

After making quick work of your pants, he grabbed your hand in his and moved it over his throbbing cock, showing you what it was you needed from him. 

“Stroke it.” 

You did. Sliding a hand into his pants, you gripped him firmly in your hand and gently ran your fingers up and down his tip, more teasing than anything solid. 

Spencer didn't complain, though, knowing he wouldn't last that long if you took your job as seriously as he was about to take his. 

“Spread your legs. Now.” 

You weren't sure what it was about his tone, but you complied easily. His fingers reached out, and he almost sent up a prayer as his fingers came into contact with your wet, heat. You were so aroused. 

“Did you dream about me? Earlier in the car?” He questioned, two fingers slipping easily inside your pussy as his thumb traced your clit.

“Y-Yes.” 

“Did you think about me in the shower?” 

“Spencer, I can expl-” 

“Answer me. Please.” 

“Yes.” 

“You were touching yourself thinking about me, knowing I could hear just how much of a slut you were through these walls. You wanted this, Y/N.” 

He increased his pace as your eyes clouded over, your already sleepy countenance looking decidedly more ready for release and rest. 

But he wasn't in a giving mood. 

“What an impolite little whore,” he whispered in your ear, withdrawing his hands completely and picking himself up from the floor. 

Your eyes shot open in confusion and pain as he sat himself on the edge of the bed. You watched his movements, saw him pull his still erect cock from his pants and begin stroking himself, and quickly organised your limps into a kneeling position by his feet. 

He watched you closely as you let your head fall onto his thigh, your eyes following each pump of his hand up and down, and up and down. 

“Spencer, please fuck me,” you pleaded with him, trying to resist the temptation to wrap your legs around his and hump his leg like a real bitch in heat. Though he'd probably greatly enjoy the view. 

“Why should I?” 

“Because if you don't, I'm going to sit here and finger myself until I pass out from exhaustion. And then I'm going to request a room with you on every other case this year and do it all over again.” 

“You're manipulative, you know that?” 

“I just know what I want, Spencer.” 

“Then come and take it.” 

Though he told you to come to him, it was his hand on your neck that guided you to your place in his lap. 

It was his hand on his cock that lined himself up with your cunt. It was his hips that snapped up into yours as he finally took you. 

But it was your lips that screamed his name as he fucked you roughly. 

Each thrust was most intense than the last, deeper, harder, faster.

You clawed at his hair, you bit his bottom lip when your mouths Mey again. You clawed your nails across his shoulders and back. 

He pressed you back into the mattress, and you wrapped your legs around him one more time, urging him to stay right there for the rest of the night. 

His hands found your breasts, and he grabbed them again, roughly.

It was finally too much, and, as he pinched down on your nipple hard to see that beautiful mix of pleasure and pain one more time, you came around his cock, heat spreading out of you in waves as your thighs twitched under the weight of sheathing him. 

“I'm going to cum, Y/N, I'm going to cum,” he dragged his teeth across your neck, whispering the words like a prayer. 

You couldn't reply, mouth so heavy with lust your tongue couldn't move if his wasn't forcing it. 

“I'm going to cum inside you,” he whispered again, his voice a growl of pleasure as your eyes shot open again. 

All you could do was moan his name as he painted your cunt white, pressing his entire weight down on you without a care in the world. 

You remained locked in that embrace for a long moment, your body tired and brain similarly diminished. Trusting him to take care of things, you let your eyes droop closed and let sleep consume you. 

Your last thought was on his weight still pressed into yours, and the fact that he was still yet to pull out of you and spill his well-placed seed.

[cutesilyo]

the thing i really like about just for once in nerdy prudes must die is that it's best iteration of the musical within a musical trope that has become characteristic of the hatchetfield musicals

like both show-stopping number and deck the halls (of northville high) are catchy songs from in-universe musicals that were very much written to have plots that suck

and show-stopping number was so well-beloved because it is, frankly, a hilarious scene that robert manion put 100% into

but i argue that only just for once is thematically relevant to its musical and fully emblematic of the wants and desires of the character singing it

because what is just for once, as a scene? it's ruth singing a song because she thinks she's got a chance of doing it better. it's ruth singing a song about a character who looks back on the mundane miseries of her lonely life and — at the last second — remembering who she used to be before the pain set in. it's ruth singing her version of cooler than i think i am and reflecting on how she is perceived and wondering what it takes to break away from it. it's ruth singing right after she says, "in my dreams, i'm the star of the show."

of all the losers that max jagerman victimizes, only ruth says who she'd like to become beyond that. where pete can't even admit to liking steph at gunpoint and richie doesn't ever get the chance to verbalize what he wants, ruth gets on the stage in the few minutes of break time and just for once, the spotlight is on her.

and the really crazy thing about just for once is — it has the "i'm not a loser" motif. possibly the most iconic and important motif of the whole musical, it's the motif that starts the opening number. and here it is, in the silly musical within a musical by the silly character who has — until this song — always served as comic relief.

in the climax of the song, just for once is no longer the song of a character from the barbecue monologues. it's ruth's. in those few seconds, it's her lamentation of the life that max jagerman forced on her.

but that's the thing about the "i'm not a loser" motif. the way it functions in the musical is as a harbinger for max's violence. the police at the beginning ask, "what the hell happened here?" and its the motif that answers. pete is the first character that sings the line and is immediately beaten up by max in the next scene. then richie sings it and max kills him in the same song. when ruth has the motif running as the crescendo to just for once, it sounds absolutely incredible... and it should come as no surprise when max appears shortly after.

(as a quick note: you can also hear the motif after max makes the car crash, then max appears two scenes later. you then hear the motif in the cooler than i think i am reprise and max also appears right after the song. it's like max is instantly summoned by any instance of the losers trying to shake off the role he placed on them — of trying to defy him.)

tl;dr: the inclusion of the "i'm not a loser" motif in just for once makes it the big lipped alligator moment that wasn't. like yeah, it accomplishes its goal in being the funny musical within a musical trope! the character acting makes it a funny song, and its a funny character performing it! but it also furthers our understanding of ruth AND of what the "i'm not a loser" really is: it's the characters trying to develop past being nerdy prudes and max doing everything in his power to prevent that.

and it does all that while being a banging musical tribute to stephen sondheim and, especially, his song the ladies who lunch. which in itself is a massive flex on jeff blim's part. what a brilliant song in a brilliant musical.

[yinses]

5 (+ 1)

or five times you attempted to pet tighnari's ears and the one time he let you

tighnari x gn! reader rated: t wc: 9k+

a/n: i swear i'm not a genshin writer. every now and again one just really hits me and won't leave me alone. i'm shaking at the prospect of meeting cyno.

|1|

when you had taken up the life of a very luxurious forest ranger, you hadn’t done so with any grand goal in mind. growing up you’d never been enticed by the prestige of the akademiya. the too tight robes warded off any appeal of unlimited knowledge. 

you weren’t much of a haggler either, so market trading had never been much of an option. to be honest, in most cases you couldn't be bothered and would give away something for free if it meant getting the person out of your face.

maybe as a child you’d dreamed of theatre. promises of dancing in front of a crowd. or performing a sincere song of gratitude in honour of your generous archon. but there was a reason why only the children of sumeru dreamt. because it saved you the reality of embarrassment. 

ultimately it made sense for you to be a forest ranger. you were blessed with a vision and had the aptitude for conflict when needed. you didn't mind being outside. sumeru was a beautiful land of bountiful vegetation and fauna. you were proud to be part of the force protecting it. 

so naturally, you were destined to join their ranks. you would fit in splendidly as long as you followed the basic code of conduct.

the rules were simple:

execute every possible strategy to ensure the safety of the public

do not engage in any withering zone excavation without first reporting it

do not under any circumstances attempt to touch master tighnari’s ears.

you believed that honour should be given where it was due, and tighnari certainly earned a bulk of it in sumeru. he was as tenacious in his research as he was in his determination to cull the withering.  

it was admirable. unquestionably gave his subordinates something to look up to. it helped that he made an easy guy to work for. tighnari was an abundance of knowledge, never failing to deliver relevant facts about any form of botany in sight. 

during your initial interview he completely sidetracked himself from testing your competency in favour of dumping the equivalent of a knowledge capsule on the entire forest on you. and during the whole time all you could think was how cute.

those fluffy, distractingly soft ears he had that twitched with every emotion. you noticed that sometimes they swayed unprompted, as if they had a mind of their own. the man himself seemed oblivious to your obsession, or just so immune to the attention at this point that it hardly phased him. 

it was a shame really. 

because by the time he realised you were out of your seat, he had a split second to snatch your offending hand before your fingers to reach the fur. the utterly adorable culprits seemed to tease your failure, flickering invitingly just out of reach of your wiggling fingers. 

at least you had enough integrity to smile in the face of defeat as your future boss leered at you unimpressed. 

he spent the remainder of your now orientation laminating over the very extensive punishment policy to be expected of any broken infractions. 

|2|

it was safe to say the threat of punishment didn’t weigh too heavily on your consciousness. what you did learn, was everything more the life of a ranger had to offer. it wasn’t as though you belittled it to a simple forest guide. you were well aware of how each and every one of your colleagues put their life on the line to protect the gifts from the first of the dendro goddess. 

but you never expected your contribution to feel so satisfying. 

every day your body got stronger, gaining the resilience and stamina to endure long treks through the forest. you became more in tune with your vision, able to protect not only yourself but others from harm. unexpectedly, tighnari’s long winded tangents began sounding more appealing as you absorbed the information rather than repel it. 

with each passing day you grew into the role of a proper forest ranger.

though there was one thing you hadn’t grown out of. 

“you two will be assigned with me. we’ll patrol the southeast canopy.”

tighnari was always so serious when delegating assignments. archon’s bless him. given it was a momentous occasion as it was imperative to understand everyone’s role so that their was a fair opportunity to return home safe and sound. 

it was just he way his ears followed each command. the adorable quiver not at all equivalent to his resolute voice. even after over a year under his command, it was still so distracting. to be fair, you’d learned to control your urges. after the second attempt and a week of making sure the long row of lamps remained glowing, you had at least accepted the pressing issue of testing his patience. 

your respect didn’t go unrewarded either. over time, you learned that under those cute ears was a very interesting man. you always knew he valued his time in the forest and that the publications were not just for show like some of the akademiya graduates. but to witness his unfiltered passion for the forest was … kind of refreshing. 

it made for genuine conversations that allowed you to feed off one another. while you’d never quite match his never ending knowledge for botany, you accompanied it well with your growing love for fauna. 

in short, tighnari had become an unexpected friend. 

with very endearing ears that you still felt the urge to touch after many, many months of barely held restraint. 

it was admirable. 

worth the gained friendship. 

and yet.

collei’s shoulder knocked comfortably into yours as she hopped with glee. her joy made her unaware to the sharp gazes watching her exuberant movements for any signs of fatigue. being around collei had eventually led you to believe that something was different about her.

as a fellow trainee for a time, the two of you had grown close enough for her to feel secure in delving into more of her past. her illness wasn’t necessarily rare but it wasn’t often you met many affected with as much optimism as she had. 

there was no doubt she had bouts of pain. sometimes you would cover her patrols to give her extra days of rest. tighnari was the most observant, always knowing when she needed a break. still the girl was a refreshing take on life in these darkening days. 

it helped that you both shared a fixation with a certain pair of furry ears.

whereas she was more timid in her appreciation, you had yet to shed your bold approach. 

well, maybe you got a little smarter. 

“but i already know about the sweetwater mushrooms,” collei whispered back, confusion staining her voice. there were times like this that her charmingness rivalled tighnari. 

you resisted the urge to pat the crown of her head. 

you all knew about the infamous fungi. upon its discover, tighnari had spent nearly a month after submitting his entry into the new rainforest guide speaking all about its elements; to anyone or anything regardless how responsive. 

if it was a botanical topic the fox found it hard to resist engaging. 

leaning closer, you kept a close eye on the leading man.” i know you do but tighnari always has something more to say. i just need you to ask him about it.” you refrained from using the word distract. 

collei’s ability to lie wasn’t a favourable skill. more often than not she caved in on herself before being able to spin a convincing tail. you’d learned fairly quickly the first time you convinced her to test a new route. the two of you hadn’t found any trouble but the slight delay in return roused a few questions. and of course tighnari had been the investigator. she never had a winning chance. 

“i still don’t get why i have to ask.”

“because i need an opening to try to touch his ears.”

the sharp gasp she left out was enough to shatter the gossip bubble as tighnari turned with a suspicious frown. his gaze fell heavily on you as the culprit. 

“what are you two muttering about?”

laughing sheepishly, your hip checked subtly against the younger girl’s as you took the lead. “just about the dusk birds. their mating season is approaching.”

tighnari raised a brow, but didn’t question further. one of the ways you’d managed to bond with collei had been over the observation of the bird hatchlings. they were one of the safer offsprings you were allowed to track in your earlier days, making you very familiar with their nesting grounds. it was one of the few areas he allowed you both to wander together without supervision. 

“uh huh, well unfortunately i doubt we’ll get many sightings this low. please try to stay vilgint for any threats.”

tighnari rolled his eyes at your comical salute but was unable to hide his small grin. it only fed into your wider one. 

good. he was in an amicable mood today. you’d both need it. 

collei managed to remain cool headed despite your hanging plan as the three of you ventured through the more worn paths. travellers and students alike tended to frequent these parts, fending off most wildlife who didn’t want to be bothered. it was mostly flora that flourished, taking up any available space. 

the perfect conversation starter. 

the green haired trainee squeaked when you cleared your throat and nudged her softly. the noise caused a flicker to tighnari’s ear but he otherwise left the two of you to your devices as he examined the population of fungi. 

your gaze darted to the seemingly preoccupied man and back, to which collei gulped but carefully approached. “um, master tighnari. do you mind going over the procedure for warning travellers about fungi again? sometimes i stumble with the more insistent ones.”

you could hear a bit of truth bleed into the ploy. it was certainly convincing enough as tighnari gestured for her to come to closer as he plucked a few samples. “certainly! it’s always good to familiarise yourself. sometimes they can get a little tricky. like this one, the bell-shaped and conical caps can often confuse people. you have to really pay attention to the arch…”

archons bless him, it didn’t really take much. 

tighnari’s eyes darted briefly to you as you settled near them. his body turned to welcome you into the discussion, but he otherwise continued his deep analysis of proper measurements of cap width. the fleeting eye contact was enough for you to witness the undeniable brightness as he conversed. 

as much as you liked to tease him, the jest hardly had any weight when the man was as serious about his research. he often responded with a chide about the importance of understanding and how it promoted coexistence. and then he would give you editions of his publications for you to study. 

the first few times, after you’d baulked at the depth of the information, you’d actually managed to discover a few interesting elements. despite his ability to drone on, the passion he felt was undeniable when reading through this material. even if you didn’t retain much of the actual reading, the smile you developed lingered. only to widen when you’d witnessed the excited flicker of his tail when you’d returned the books with a few inquiries of your own. 

tighnari took your interest in the fauna populating the forest seriously, cultivating the bud of fascination and furthering it. you hadn’t developed enough academic discretion to attempt a article- not that it would have been credible without the proper education- but tighnari baubles your insights all the same, often using your tracking skills to help develop new routes during various mating and hibernation periods. 

it … really helped you feel at home. valued amongst the other forest rangers. 

so what if you occasionally found your cheeks warming whenever he complimented your new discoveries. 

“when people ask, it's important to point out as many examples as you can to help them identify. in most cases you only have their attention for a few minutes so you need to capitalise.”

you had to give it to collei, she was either fully immersed or integrating very well into the diversion. though when tighnari got like this, it was nearly one in the same. 

rolling onto your knees, you paused as those endearing astute ears twitched in your direction. tighnari hadn’t skipped a beat, however instinct was so inherent. it made for an unfair advantage, however you had desensitisation on your side. the next disturbance you made as you leaned closer hardly got a reaction as his second nature focused on the world outside your bubble. 

it was a flattering downfall that you’d happily exploit as your hand neared your objective. 

“- actually that’s a common mistake. some of the gills look similar but if you notice here..:”

oh no. 

in one fluid motion, tighnari managed to capture your hovering hand, dragging it forward under his arm to come in contact with his other. the motion dragged you flush against his back as he manipulated your fingertips against the underside of the mushroom. 

“-… there’s a coarser distinction. of course, you have to be careful when encouraging other to touch freely as some can still be poisonous.”

naturally you doubted tighnari would use you so freely as an impromptu demonstration, punishment be damned. though the way he kept your appendage hostage implied that you weren’t free from reprimand. 

poor collei chuckled nervously as tighnari held out the fungi for her to try, eyes wondering anxiously between the two of you. from your imprisonment, you were unable to see what expression tighnari was giving off, but if the tight grip was any indicator it was safe to hypothesise that it wasn’t in your favour. 

“i um- see. thank you, master.”

tighnari didn’t appear to have any ill will towards the girl which was a small grace. his tone, however, was noticeably pinched as he directed the conversation over his shoulder. 

“do you have any questions, ranger?”

yep. 

there’s the wrath. 

accepting defeat, your head careened forward into the hollow of his shoulder as you mumbled your negative with the shake of a head. Immediately you felt his posture stiffen in responses to your relaxed submission. the proximity awarded you a personal showcase of the heat crawling up the back of his neck. 

interesting. 

“well then!” tighnari forced a cheerful bravado as he brought you both to an abrupt stand, releasing you in favour of stepping forward to lead. “collei, listen closely as they recite every classification as we finish our patrol. we can make note of their mistakes so that they don’t make them again when they extensively copy them onto the new pamphlets for next release.”

it didn’t evade you how the fox refused to face you as he pressed forward. you dared to guess that the rosy hue of his neck might match the roundness of his cheeks.

perhaps some discoveries were worth the failures. 

|3|

“I really want to feature the spinokrok in my next story but I’ve never really seen one up close. dad says it’s too dangerous though.”

“he’s right. they’re at the very bottom of the ravine.”

“oh…”

“but sometimes i pass through on patrols. if you’d like, i can snap a reference photo for you!”

“really? that would be awesome, thanks so much!”

children’s happiness was truly a unique fruit of motivation, both gratuitous and frankly slightly treacherous to consume. tighnari might liken it to one of the colourful sprouts that populate the banks near the cliffside; beautifully cunning but sure to leave you with a nasty surprise.

—okay, maybe that was a little dramatic. 

but you were certainly going to be in for quite the scolding if tighnari found out that you derailed your patrols for the sake of taking a leisure photo of wildlife. in the defence of safety, the fox wasn’t as easily swayed by a childish promise. 

fortunately, you were adept enough with just about any patrol path through the rainforest by now. your experience often persuaded tighnari to give allowance for you to tend to the paths along the outskirts of the village solo. 

which you were totally doing. 

just from a view a couple hundred metres below. 

the path towards the wetland ravine was a muddy line in the undergrowth, a quieter trail that rarely gathered much traffic: traveller or wildlife. to be honest, you hardly ever saw anything other than the spinokrok’s down here. though given their diet, it wasn’t much of a surprise. 

you carefully neared the bankside, watching the position of the sun in between the treetops. you’d already bartered away a lot of your time venturing this low. while you were known for a bit of wandering, if you took too long to check-in someone would end up alerting tighnari before long. the sky was already beginning to bleed into a light orange, the beginning shades of the setting sun melting into the blue above. 

not your first nighttime return, but the light scolding would be easy enough to shake off. 

the sudden splash drew your attention to the winding river as a crane took flight. the skittish fowl wouldn’t have been alerted to your presence this early which meant that your targets weren’t far off. 

tugging the kamera from your knapsack, you followed the line of the water through the lens. 

“there you are…”

razi would be pleased with the prints of the small brood of three. highlights from above complimented the red scales nicely. curious, you swung the lens further upstream in an attempt to capture a few more. known for their meat, if undisturbed it would be easy enough to find at least another two or three. 

however as the slithering vines stretched norther further, twisting through branches on its congest to conquer vegetation, you found the rapidly darkening view to be concerning. sure enough, the once plentiful flora was beginning to shrink on itself and take on a dull shade. the distinctive red flow of the withering zone was seated right in the apex of the blistering landscape. 

“here too?”

the area was small, but this route was part of the weekly assignments rather than the more frequent. had you not come here in search of fauna, it likely wouldn’t have been discovered for a few more days. unfortunately, locating it yourself was tantamount to giving away your private detour. 

for a brief moment you debated taking the chance to report, weighing the pros and cons. ultimately, the loss of independency once tighnari tracked your impromptu route was too great of a squander. besides, it was a small devastation. you were qualified to handle it.

—except for the corrupted machina lingering just out of sight. 

the narrow lens of the kamera hadn't been able to capture the additional dangers before you neared. had you been aware, you would have attempted to at least down one before you got too close. it was a tight battle, suffering under the thick miasma while trying to cut off the source. 

you’d managed to down the bulkier of the two, but the swindling snake-like projection had been doing an annoying job of evading your strongest attacks. with your hp at threatening level, coupled with low energy regeneration, you were starting to regret your choices just a little bit. 

you briefly wondered if tighnari would scold you through the eulogy. 

the darkness blanketing the forest worked against you, as the remaining threads of daylight faded. the red glow of the withering was the least comforting form of light to rely on as you made a hasty dodge away from the blasting beam. 

“oh, crap.”

a miscalculation saw your foot caught on a fraying vine, careening your forward as you landed heavily onto the ground. the threatening wind of the machina generating energy had you sucking in a harsh breath as you attempted to stand, resulting in a sharp jolt of pain as your ankle protested. a cold chill numbed your body in the worst way as the unsettling realisation of your actions weighed in. scrambling feebly for your weapon, you attempted to shield the next blow though you knew it wouldn't be enough. 

“enshroud!”

your body jerked in alarm as a cloud of green circled the earth around you. the lack of visibility should have been worrying, had you not been very familiar with it’s caster; and the inevitable reckoning that would come. 

the first half came in the form of a series tanglevine shafts trained to track and devastate. the secondary wave wiped out the last of the threats before your savour was able to focus on the bleeding blooms. you’d never been more grateful to witness a successful clearance, as the suffocating effects of the withering abed away. it gave you just enough clear air to breath a grateful sigh of relief before it all soured. 

the second half of your retribution, was a quieter approach of wraith then you were use to. tighnari refused to look you in the eye as he kneeled before your injured limb. not that that you were trying to see the reflection of your guilt staring back at you. it gave you the opportunity to observe that he’d come alone, making you wonder if he’d been informed or had simply stumbled upon you. 

neither option was beneficial. 

the fox was obviously simmering, that much was clear even in his silence. he’d produced a small aid kit from his belt and was examining your ankle. the first sounds of annoyance permeating the air when you squeaked at the firm pressure against the joint. 

it was obvious that you wouldn’t be walking out of here. 

as if you weren’t in enough trouble. 

tighnari’s reticence preserved as he tied a stiff bow at the end of your wrapping before turning to offer his back. sighing, you accepted your fate and looped your arms around his neck. tighnari waited until your knees settled at his sides before he rose to his feet, added a second security under the weight of your thighs. 

at first you hoped to construct a plausible excuse in his silence, but after you’d practised the same redemption for the twelfth time you were starting to become more concerned about his resilience. you dont think you've ever witness tighnari hold back a scolding this long. 

unable to hold out any longer, you poked the hornet’s nest. 

“so razi has this new story idea.”

yeah you were throwing the kid under the bus, sue you. 

the first flicker of his ears was a subtle warning, but you pressed through. 

“he wanted to use the spinokroks as his next character but he’d never really been able to see one up close. and naturally it wouldn’t be safe for a child to traverse the forests. even with his father.”

there goes the second ear. 

“so being the helpful forest ranger i am under your tutelage, i offered to secure a reference photo for him. which of course—”

tighnari’s voice came quiet and strained. “please stop talking.”

you waited for him to say more, sure that he’d have more to tack on, but no other words left his lips. it was disconcerting in a way you hadn’t experienced before. you'd suffered through annoyance, frustration and some rage. 

but rarely disappointment. 

it was bitter tasting. 

it was rather telling when even the wildlife seemed to avoid the pair as you ascended out of the ravine. tighnari managed to not only reach the outskirts of the village, but did so without cracking under the pressure of your culpability. 

unfortunately you weren’t as robust. 

“tigh—”

“for every word, i’m adding a week of lamp maintenance duty.”

you squeezed your arms and legs around him in a hug, seeking out a thread of comfort through the throbbing pain of your ankle. 

“i’m sorry.”

tighnari sucked in a sharp breath as his steps halted. you could see the first glow of the lamps in the distance, no doubt a night crew lingering near to welcome the late returners. 

“you’re an idiot.”

a tight fist squeezed your heart as you shuddered against his back. 

“i know.”

“another week! i cannot believe your absolute disregard for your welfare. not only in straying from your patrols but to attempt to clear a withering zone without reporting it first. what were you thinking?”

your lips parted, voice small,” well i thought given how far off it was that no one would come across it before it spread.”

the fox was quietly shaking under you,” i’m tempted to bench you for a year for this alone. you could have been killed.”

“but i wasn’t.”

tighnari didn’t acknowledge the crackled excuse as he resumed the ascent towards the heart of the village. the conversation was over, at least for tonight. you almost felt bad for those hapless to witness the quiet fury as the leader trudged through the canopy. though the arrangement surely painted a telling story no one dared to stop or question.

upon entering your bungalow, tighnari silently backed into your bed until you took the hint.

as your arms slipped from around him, your fingertips brushed against the furry cartilage. though the action went ignored by both parties.

“rest, we’ll discuss this in the morning.”

|4|

the discussion did not come the following morning, or the rolling day as the sun rose and set. given your ailment you weren't exactly able to seek out your punishment, though the waiting game felt like the precursor. 

for the first three days, your only visitors were collie and one of the local healers. tighnari likely hadn’t banned the nervous girl, allowing her to stumble in at first light to assess your injuries. it seemed as though he also didn’t inform her of much as she tired to glean what she could. 

unfortunately, your mood hadn’t really improved from the night before, nor had your pain levels. you managed a tight smile at best, gritting through a scarce overview. the overhanging rumours were that you finally pushed tighnari to his limits. which was not too far from the truth. 

your medicine came in three intervals, and each visit was just that. umm only offer a genial knowing close-lipped smile as she applied the numbing cream and rewrapped your joints. the only news came from collei with each meal. it was never what you wanted to hear, but the sound of a voice other than your thoughts was welcome. 

you were able to keep up with light chat, the both of you doing an amicable job at avoiding the shaggy sumpter beast in the room. if the flightiness she gave off was anything to go by, then tighnari hadn’t completely cooled off. initially, you’d only probed subtly. asking about her patrols to see who accompanied her. questioning new withering zone reports to gauge who might be assigned. either tighnari had instructed her to be tightlipped or she was on as much of a lockdown as you were because the information gleaned was inconsequential. 

it wasn’t until the fifth day, when you were able to balance on your injured ankle for longer than a minute that you dared to try for more. 

umm had just finished, stepping clear of the doorway to allow collei to maneuver freely with the two bowls of lunch. the younger girl was in a lighter mood, giving you the extra confidence to push. 

you took a bite of the leftover stew first, before testing the waters. “has tighnari taken you on any deeper patrols lately?”

the girl stiffened but otherwise did not show any signs of distress. 

“not really, he’s been kind of strict with patrols lately. only seniors have been assigned to the forest floor. i patrolled the understory with nasrin yesterday though! the dusk birds are starting to nest.”

you could resist a soft smile as the girl lead comfortable into a short tangent about the different locations she’d tracked in her notebook. she loved to watch the hatching process from the birth to first flight. tighnari was often more lenient with her during this season. you were pleased to know your mess up hadn’t resulted in that being taken away.

“hopefully i’ll be healed enough to catch one of the hatchings.”

collei’s gaze flickered to your freshly wrapped ankle, “master tighnari wouldn’t say but he’s been pretty testy about ranger etiquette lately. well more than useful.”

“yeah, i was pretty stupid,” you muttered, quoting the fox’s words from that night. 

collei sat upright on the chair by your desk, responding to your despondent mood. “he’s not nearly as bad as before though. i mean that morning after he was really mad. not like loud angry, but everyone knew not to test him. but he’s calmer now”, she assured.

you assumed as much. avoiding you was likely the best way to keep his temper in check.

you watched as the green haired trainee squirmed in her seat, no doubt uncomfortable at the idea of being between the brewing conflict. tighnari no doubt tried to ease that predicament by withholding information. the least you could do was honour your half to keep from setting her off. 

“umm said i should try walking around more. i got permission to pace the platform if you want to join.”

the girl jumped at the chance, nearly losing her bowl in the process. laughing, you quickly took hers and set it on the desk with yours before standing to your feet. collei was at your side, urging your arm over her shoulder. it wasn’t really necessary but you’d never turn down the girl’s assistance. 

carefully the two of you ambled through the leaves shrouding your entrance. it wasn’t the first time this week that the sun warmed your skin. umm had urged you to test the distance from your bed to your porch on the second day with each visit there after. it helped tp press your limitations while keeping the joint from getting too stiff. but this was the first time you’d been able to venture far enough out to interact with more than the same two people for the last few days. 

collei remained diligent as she led you down the straight path, attention not straying from your gait as you greeted faces you haven't seen in awhile. the reception was overall positive, your health and wellbeing superseding the wraith that had hung over the encampment for the past week. it narrowed down the list of those you’d need to apologise to at least. 

“oh it’s master tighnari!”

your gaze snapped to her extended finger, noting the tall tuff of ears before anything else. his back was turned to you, a fortunate thing as you still weren’t sure how to face him just yet. he appeared to be conversing with a group, though it wasn’t the usual collection of rangers waiting for assignments. 

you recognized the garments however. 

collei groaned as she sagged under your arm. “its the akademiya again. when will they ever learn?”

likely no time soon, as the pressure from both the forest and threat of the ‘scarlet king’ followers continued to rise. the first time you witnessed the prestigious envoy attempting to recruit the fox, you’d been in awe. it was somewhat of an honour to be approached by anyone doning the gowns. next to the archon herself, they were the reigning power. however the prestige lost a light grace, when tighnari scoffed at the invitation. 

it was one of the occasions that you’d really come to appreciate more than just his vast knowledge. of course, you respected him as a leader but it was different to consider his understanding of plant life on a scholarly level. his tangents that he loved to rattle your ear with were published and very popular articles. 

he was something of a celebrity. a fact that you loved to tease just to see the tops of his cheeks grow warm at the admission. 

now, even at this distance, you could see a similar red dusting his fair skin. but not in the pleasant way that warmed your chest. 

no it seemed that an inkingly of your excursion still peaked his heart rate. and this wasn't making it any better.

that wasn’t good.

“collei, please help me.”

“huh? oh, wait! not too fast.”

tighnari grit through a tight smile, barely hanging onto his fangs to keep them from showing. at a young age his mother taught him that human could find it threatening. frankly, right now he wished to find out how much of a truth that was if it got these nuisances out of his hair. 

this was the last thing that he wished to deal with right now. the institution had taken a different route it seemed, sending students under the premise of studying under his tutelage. something he would maybe consider any other time than now. 

his foot tapped irritably as one of the bolder ones spoke his piece, spouting words of prose that meant nothing to him. they were all weak and obvlivious children wandering aimlessly. he had enough of those under his own watch. 

“master tighnari, i've read all your publications intensively and feel that i would be a valuable asset in your further research of the withering zones. i believe that together we can find a cure.”

tighnari barely resisted rolling his eyes. it was almost laughable. the withering had plagued them for centuries and they were still no closer to curbing it. no amount of research at this point was going to factor in. all they could do was contain, and that was a skill the akademiya didn’t teach.

breathing audibly through his nose, the fox attempted to remain cordial. “i appreciate your determination, however, i'm not in a position right now to allocate more rangers to facilitate your safety. the forest—”

“—i’ve also read intently on the local fauna and proper was to track warning signs of predators…”

tighnari really hated when he was interrupted. 

“i’m confident in my ability to spot danger before it becomes a problem.”

especially by know-it-alls who were overstepping in his domain.

the student continued on unware of the growing dangers, “i’ve brought a few of my manuscripts with me if you’d like to browse some of my speculations and hypotheses…”

tighnari's brow twitched as the student droned on. for someone who boasted about extensive research on understanding predators he was rather obvious to the one standing before him. the same couldn't be said about his colleagues who were carefully edging back. 

“if i could just get a few samples—”

the student had sense enough to notice as the plant scholar suddenly flinched, hand coming up to grasp the wrist of the hand threatening to touch the tip of his ear. it was the first time since opening his mouth that he’d taken into account the strained curl to the lips of the botany researcher. 

his gaze then flickered to the more relaxed, if not slightly sheepish smile of the forest ranger behind. they seemed otherwise unconcerned despite the death grip they'd been trapped in for … attempting to touch master tighnari’s ears?

the student felt a shudder wrack his body as the fox’s grimace smoothed into … something that he would one day recognize as a reckoning he’d be fortunate to survive in years to come. 

“apologies, you’ll have to excuse me. it appears one of my rangers feels well enough to venture off their bed rest and is due for some new assignments.” with that, the lead ranger looped the still trapped limb over his shoulder before assisting the injured ranger back up the canopy. 

“you can give your manuscripts to my trainee, collei.”

the green hair trainee in question waved timidly, unsure of how she got in this position but willing to help.” hello, im forest ranger trainee collei. please let me assist you safely out of the forest.”

|5|

“it’s master tighnari!”

believe it or not, forest rangers did get off days. while it was still heavily frowned on to use that time to exploit certain privileges to free roam the forest, there were other activities that some could get up to. 

some would use the opportunity to travel to the city or port for the market or to visit family.

others utilised their freedom to work on personal research. 

then there was tighnari who used the opportunity to research the local flora … via oral experimentation. 

your small project had been tossed aside in favor of darting out of your bungalow at the cry of fright from the green haired girl. it wasn’t the first time you’d witnessed tighnari taking his passion … to the next level. that time, curiosity had thrown him into a rather long slumber that he’d conveniently woken up from after a gratuitous amount of panicking on collie’s part and just in time for you to return with the rescue aid party. 

it was safe to say that was not the last occassion, and tighari had treated you both to several lunches to make up for the scares. 

but it wasn’t often that he was brought back to the village in a state. more often than not the ailments resolved in the time it took someone to find him or simply shaken off with no concern. 

it was enough to have you barreling unannounced through the head ranger’s door with apprehension. firm but fraying hands caught you as you stumbled through, righting your body before you could embarrass yourself. 

“don’t worry, tighnari is fine. it’s a harmless reaction to one of the fungi he consumed.”

umm brought her hands to a comfortable leisure behind her back as you peered over her shoulder. 

tighnari was lain out across his bed. it looked as though he had been tucked away intentionally, but the man had fought away the sheets in a fit. there was a light coat of perspiration doting his forehead and his skin had taken on a rosy flush. it hardly looked harmless. you’d never seen the lead forest watcher look so … unravelled. 

when was he going to learn to stop experimenting so freely?

umm gave a passing pat to your shoulder,“with a bit of rest he’ll be just fine.”

you had hoped as much but it eased some of your worries to see him at least home safe. though his predicament still tested your resolve. you would distract yourself for the time being concocting your own chiding speech. seriously, someone needed to hold him accountable. as it seemed, you were the only one daring enough to challenge the fox. 

heavily a relieved sigh, you turned to leave. collie would likely need a second dose of comfort now that you’d taken your own inventory of the indisposed ranger. umm, bless her soul, wasn’t a very convincing source of comfort. having collie help prepare your speech would do some good for her as well.

“wait, don’t go yet.”

you stiffed at the unexpected plea. the voice behind you sounded a bit stronger than it should be in this predicament, more like the fox you recognized. umm hadn’t left you with any instructions, but it was safe to assume he was meant to rest as not to rile up his heart rate anymore. something you were very good at doing.

you liked to think that the two of you were on agreeable terms thus far. you’d been a textbook ranger over the last few weeks. not testing the limits of your privileges or boundaries. it allowed for the two of you to have some nice conversations. though you doubted anything very articulate would come from his mouth right now. 

it was unfair, how adorable he looked with mussed hair, heavy eyes and creased clothes. umm had taken responsibility to rid him of the more decorative parts of his uniform, leaving him in a simple shirt and pants. the said shirt appeared to have been tugged open, revealing the lean muscles of his chest and abdomen. 

that was decidedly leaning away from cute, as you tore your gaze away and scolded yourself. 

“you should really lay back down, tighnari, i need you to be yourself when i deliver your scolding later.”

“tigh.”

“huh?”

you were shaken out of your stupor when he stood, concern triggering your fight reaction as you quickly huddled him back onto the bed before he fell. he allowed you to do so, however when he glanced up at you his olive eyes showed annoyance.

“i prefer when you refer to me as tigh.”

your mouth open and closed silently at the admission. you could never recall tighnari outright scolding you for the curtail of his name. you used it so sparingly, and only ever in the comfort of just yourselves or collei. 

he never really showed any emotion other than surprise the first time he’d realised what you said. you never assumed he’d catalogued the occurrences to feel any ownership over the name.

you fidgeted under the scrutinised of the fox, unsure of how to proceed from there. it was obvious that he was still mildly effective if the rose of his skin was anything to go by. but there was undeniable clarity cutting through the fog in his eyes. it was enough of a relief to have your shoulders sagging slightly. 

if it got him to comply and rest through the remainder of the effects, you could concede. 

“okay, … tigh. please stop eating flora so carelessly.”

it wasn’t your intention to start the chastising prematurely, but if he wanted you to talk, you’d do so. you weren’t sure what all of this he would recall, but you hoped the echoing nag of your voice would hover like a hangover next time he considered experimenting alone. you knew he only tested things with vague assumptions, just enough to ensure that he wouldn’t perish on sight. but it was still close enough calls for you to worry. 

you thought nothing of the way he snared your hands, too used to having them detained in pursuit of your goal. maybe another time you would be the one to catalogue just how frequently the two of you help hands. certainly enough to suffer from desensita-

your speech cut off with a choke as the fox brought one of your hands to the crown of his head. it was the closest you’d ever gotten to your prize, just a simple flex of your fingers and it would be yours. 

and he was just allowing it. 

“um, tigh…?”

you swallowed as his hold slid to your wrist, thumb caressing the inside. 

“it’s what you want, right?” unintentionally your finger flexed under the strain of resisting, just the casual brush against the ear causing the body to shudder. tighnari managed an even breath through his nose, but you suspected his heart was creating as much of a racket as yours was. “ i want you to. i don’t mind if it’s you.”

you sucked in a sharp breath at the omission.

it took strength that you didn't think you had, and stupidity you’d likely reflect on later that night as you regrettably pulled your hand away. firmly not thinking at all about the soft whine that left the fox’s lips at the action. 

your smile was wobbly, frail under the weight of emotions teetering at the edge. you gave his bicep a comforting squeeze before you urged him to lay back in bed. thankfully he didn’t put up much of a fight as you tucked him in. 

his lashes fluttered closed against the cool caress of his cheek.

“next time, promise.”

between one breath and the next, he fell asleep.

|+1|

tighnari woke to a low hanging sun and a heavy head. despite the warnings he opened his eyes, then immediately shut them. though blurry and out of sequence, the master ranger was able to piece together the majority of his last coherency. 

he’d been experimenting with the effects of the moonshade mushrooms. there had been reports of unaware travellers losing consciousness in the middle of the forest and waking in a fevered state. naturally, he’d taken it upon himself to test the outcome in order to properly assign warning labels in his next publication. 

the initial bout of slumber had been brief, broken by a wave of nausea and the sensation of his body overheating itself. he then recalled umm stripping away his uniform in order to help him cool down.

and then there was you.

he remembered the sound of your concern and the inkling of berating though he couldn't exactly call back the wording. he was sure to get an encore either way; well deserved. 

there was a gaping absence in his recollection, but the sensation of your hand settled between the space of his ears hadn’t escaped him. when had he gotten bold enough to daringly reach out like that? sure you’d done the same on multiple occasions but it had been in pursuit of a singular goal while he—

tighnari stared at the leaf drawn entrance of his chamber, face burning. 

but surely that could not have all occurred before noon. 

“oh good you’re awake. that mushroom managed to down even you for a full day. it's certainly something to be aware of.”

the elderly woman peered briefly through the cut of the door before granting herself entrance. tighnari sat obediently still as she flittered over his vital signs, ensuring his temperature and heart rate were within agreeable boundaries. 

she scribbled the notes like clockwork into the parchment on his desk. while his methods weren’t often agreed upon, umm saw the value in the repercussions. her diligence had help assist in multiple breakthroughs. tighnari would be sure to deliver a nice basket of her favourite tree sap candies once he was back in working order. 

amir would have certainly taken initiative to oversee assignments for the day. he would certainly owe collei a visit as well to assure her fears. he vaguely remembered her putting up a fuss when he’d been carried in, shortly before she’d been directed out leading to her alerting you. 

tighnari’s cheeks grew hot again. he refused to acknowledge the rising blush even as umm chuckled quietly while gathering up her kit. instead, he kept his eyes on the entrance as he pinned his sashes in place and equipped his vision. 

it wasn’t as if the two of you weren’t already rather close. it was safe to say he gave you more allowances than most. sure, your futile attempts to touch his ears could be frustrating at times, but more so because of the opportunities you took than the actual actions. 

despite popular belief, tighnari didn’t truly hold his ears in that high regard. it was more out of proprietary that he shied away from strangers acting out of curiosity. to be honest, he really wouldn’t mind too much if a ranger asked to pet them. but it seems as if their own misconceptions had fed into the unspoken rule that his fox-like features were out of the question. 

except for you. 

over time, the two of you managed to lapse into a comfortable game of cat and mouse. tighnari knew if he’d shown any true signs of anger you would have backed away from the start. but his tolerance had permitted you to try again and again. 

so what if the occasional punishments he placed on you deterred the others, it never snuffed your fire and that was all that mattered to him. 

it was only natural that over time constant exposure would ignite his own interest. he could recall with vivid memory the way it felt to have you pressed against his back that time in the forest when you attempted to claim your prize in the middle of his lecture. he’d made you wait there while he finished the lesson, all the while relishing in the heat permitted his back. 

had it been just the two of you, he would have let you. 

yet when he finally caved and gave you the permission you'd been seeking all this time, you’d backed out. 

‘next time’ you’d promised. 

“if you’re done laminating, once you've finished eating you can go find them. i  believe i saw them returning not long before i came here.”

umm didn’t wait for a response as she saw herself out, her amusement audible even as she descended the ramp to her own domain. 

tighnari didn’t rush the act as he finished his meal and the provided water. once he finished, his lips turned at the dimming sunlight. his schedule was all but thrown out the window for the day, though he doubted anyone expected him to contribute much. still it stung his consciousness as a leader to leave his subordinates hanging , even if they were all self-sufficient adults. at least the headache had disappeared with proper nourishment. there would be time to salvage his routine later.

the sun was positioned late in the afternoon, but the dim light still irritated his eyes. he blinked through the sting as he welcomed the sight of the quaint village operating adequately in his absence. 

he returned any passing waves and gave brief responses to their questions. for the most part everyone seemed confident that he’d make a full recovery, though he still harboured the guilt of worrying them. 

brow pinched, he waved nasrin closer. “have you seen collei?”

the purse of her mouth didn’t spell anything good. tighnari hoped her illness had not acted up in his absence. “she had trouble sleeping last night so someone swapped patrols with her. she just set off not too long ago.”

the girl sometimes had trouble sleeping when plagued with anxiousness. tighnari settled that he would confront her upon her return, for now he had one more stop. he had a feeling he knew who offered to adjust their schedule to accommodate the girl.

he found your bungalow with practised ease, delivering a single knock before you offered entrance. he found you seated at your desk, no doubt detailing the report of your finding before submission. it was a relief to see that you took a break from your typical mischievousness to conduct a seemingly uniform patrol while he was indisposed. 

“i don't suppose you came across any new interesting flora on your patrols?”

tighnari watched as your shoulders stiffened at the unexpected sound of his voice. your head whipped around, eyes assessing him carefully before you gave a timid, relieved smile. 

“i think we can all agree that you’ve had enough adventures for one week,” you noted with light scolding. 

grinning, tighnari cared little if his fangs showed, knowing you wouldn't find them threatening. your gaze followed him as he secured the leaves behind him before approaching your desk. he leaned comfortably against the wooden structure as he browsed the report. it had been routine indeed, not a single withering sighting. 

“are you sure you’re alright? you had me worried for a bit.”

tighnari’s brow rose,” only a bit?”

scoffing, you rolled your eyes,” it’s not the worst thing you’ve eaten but seeing you down for so long was concerning. collei will be relieved to see you back on your feet.”

tighnari braceed his palm against the dest and leaned into the posture,“and you?”

“i owe you a scolding. you always get onto me about being aware and careful of my surroundings. yet here you go testing unknown fungi alone in the forest. at least bring it back before you test it out so we can be there if you need us.”

tighnari waited for you to finish, eyes shining with thinly veiled amusement. you seemed to recognize it as well, huffing as you realised your scolding didn't have as much weight as the seasoned scholar. 

unable to resist, the fox reached out to run is fingers along the side of your face before letting them rest against your shoulder. he watched as your chest expanded to take in the small gasp of surprise. it was a rare moment for him to initiate contact like this, especially given the recent occurrence only yesterday. while his recollection was misty, yours was clear as day. 

“i think you owe me something else too.”

tighnari watched your reactions carefully, from the flutter of your lashes to the rapid thrum of your heart beat against the pulse under your jaw. he never shied away from a discovery the promise of a satisfying understanding driving him from one revelation to the next. 

admittedly, you’d been a gradual observation. the question at the tip of the scale all this time while he’d unknowingly researched you thoroughly with each new interaction. day and day again, you prompted him with new variables both under his control and not. it was only today that he managed to form a working hypothesis. a hesitant theory that he knew would shift everything.

tighnari watched with growing fascination as the initial shock meddling into purposefulness as your hand came into view. impatient, he couldn't resist ducking his hand to meet you halfway. the first careful touch was equally inquisitive and hesitant. each time in the past, your hand had darted out with such certainty. yet now with it all willing at your fingertips, you allowed yourself the time to explore.

he hadn’t realised his head had come to rest against your collar bone until he felt the rumbled of your laughter. you didn’t simply just touch his ears, you caressed the length form the widest part to the tip. your fingertips tickled the tufts of fluff at the base. and the light scratched you delivered against the firm cartilage had him all but melting into your hold. the burst of new stimuli tickled his nerves and left pleasant sensations.

later he would analyse the data but he was already certain about his conclusion. 

your words mussed the top of his head as you spoke, humour bleeding into your intrigue. “can’t believe it took you a year to crack, tigh.”

tighnari sagged further at the uttering of the name. you flinched, not expecting the words of response to be mumbled into your skin. gratefully, it didn't cause you to pause.

“what was that?”

your touch slid from his ears to the curve of his jaw as his head rose to meet your gaze. 

“i actually had two hypotheses I wanted to test.”

though he didn't speak more than that, he could tell you were well aware of the implications. your lips parted to respond, but no words could pass the lump in your throat. tighnari tested the waters, leaning closer enough to brush the tup of his nose against yours. when you didn't pull away, he leaned down and pressed your lips together, firmly but briefly. as he breathed in deeply,  the smell of lush forestry, sweet flora and you invaded his scenes. the scent of familiarity minding with the aroma of what he called home was intoxicating. 

your eyes shone bright with mischief as tighnari pulled away, no doubt observing the rosy hue spreading across his face. 

“i think we need to experiment a little more before we can come to a confident conclusion.”

tighnari leaned back in and nuzzled you affectionately. 

“i agree.’’

tagging upon request: @lott-the-otter @uhohitsemmy

[ninaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

I Miss You, I’m Sorry.

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 ! 𝗔𝘂𝗿𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝘀𝗳

𝗪𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴: mentions of death/ loss, ilnesses, crying, fluff i guess?, angst.

𝗦𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆:Charles has always seen you as his litte brother’s annoying best friend. What happens when you both grow up and he starts realizing things too late..

𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺𝗲𝗿: the plot is of based off of Gracie Abrams’. song, I miss you, I’m sorry. It may be off but use your creativity. I don’t see the song as two exes missing each other in this story. I used it bc the lyrics are definitely relevant to multiple situations. Might be a multi chap, but i’ll try to keep it short for my own sanity.

enjoy!

———————

From the innocent age of three years old, Y/n and Arthur have been attached at the hip.

Literally.

When they started first grade, they were put in two different classes. Clearly very upset with it, they forced the eldest Leclerc sibling, Lorenzo, to super glue their pants together. They walked , or tripped, into the school grounds the next day, smiling proudly at each other and their questioning teachers.

Their mothers obviously thought it was adorable and played along. Thought the bond was beautiful and a gift. That said bond never died. The little things keeping it alive.

Like how Arthur would tell Y/n how smart she was every time she helped him with a math question.

Or how Y/n would always tell Arthur that he’d be a World Champion when he’d discovered that just like his older brother, took an intrest in racing.

Arthur would help Y/n tie her shoes and Y/n would fix Arthur’s hair before he went to talk to a girl.

Y/n would stay up late in a cold and busy garage waiting for Arthur to finish doing laps around the track, being proud of his result and effort, not actually caring where he ended up.

Arthur would sit with a crying Y/n, comforting her when her anxiety got the best of her. Her choice in men not helping, but he’d never blame or judge her for it.

Arthur was always there for Y/n to lean on and Y/n the same for Arthur.

And for a while their mothers schemed, waiting for the moment they got together.

That suspicion changed completely when the pair were four teen years old. It completely vanished that one day in April when Y/n’ s mother died. Sat in the hospital with tears in her blue eyes, Y/n takes in the news of her mother’s passing due to leukemia. Arthur, almost as broken as the girl next to him, took her in his arms as they both sobbed.

Pascal, although absolutely crushed, observed the two. No eye contact, no tight grip, just two people leaning on each other for support.

When the little girl’s name got called, she looked up with big eyes. Pascal watched as the brunette girl was taken into her other son’s arms. She payed attention to the way Y/n gripped onto Charles’ sweater and neck, or the way she looked up from her head’s position on his chest to look into his eyes.

And when they were walking back through the white hallways to the car, and Arthur said “You’ll always be my best friend Y/n, I might have a girlfriend, but i’ll never leave you.” Pascal got her confirmation that the two kids weren’t in love, well at least not with each other..

Arthur had his middle school girlfriend and Y/n had.. well, a crush on Charles. The middle Leclerc.

A big crush.

The crush blossomed, just like Arthur and Y/n’s friendship, from the small things.

The way Charles would only throw Y/n with a piece of food at the dinner table and nobody else. It was probably just him making fun of the one person who wouldn’t stand up for themself, but 10 year old Y/n obviously saw it as Charles’ way of showing his affection.

Years down the line she would still smile over the way Charles would hear Y/n crying to Arthur and then ask her if she needed anything the second she came into his view.

The way Y/n’s stomach would fill with butterflies as Charles smiled at her from the podium.

He would buy her, her favorite candy when they go on trips, knowing her blood sugar gets low quickly.

They would fight about the dumbest things, but then Y/n would try to flirt with him ten seconds later.

He would stay awake at night, waiting for Arthur and Y/n to come home after going to a party, his excuse always being that he was waiting to show Arthur something, that he didn’t know that the girl would be with him, but he knew. He always did.

Despite all of it, Charles wasn’t interested. Amused and slightly more egotistical? Yeah, sure. But teenage Charles definitely thought he was too old for the girl and in all honesty too cool.

As they got older and Y/n got more confident, she started to try connecting with Charles, never succeeding, as she got the same excuse every time. “I’m too old for you.”

And maybe he was, she was 16 and he was about to turn 19. His other excuse was that he was very busy with racing. Driving in Formula 2 and trying to get to Formula 1.

Despite it, Charles owned her heart through it all, he even broke it a few times.

—

It was a beautiful day in Monaco and Arthur had invited Y/n to join the Leclerc family on the ocean, sailing across the clear waters with their boat.

Arthur brought his new girlfriend, and Y/n thought they were perfect for each other, actually being the one to set them up.

Sitting at the very edge at the front of the boat, looking at the sun setting.

Pascal watched as her middle child left the steering wheel, calling Lorenzo from the deck to take over.

She watches with intent as he takes off his hoodie and walks to the girl she would call her own and sit next to her.

The woman could see Y/n scoff at his offer, but ultimately agree to taking the piece of clothing.

“How are you?” Y/n asks him, looking at the sunset.

“Good, finally signed the contract, now I just have to follow through with it.”

“Can’t believe you’re going to be in Formula 1 next year.” you almost scoff in disbelief at it all.

“You’ve made it, Charlie.”

He looks at her with that sentence, staring deeply into her eyes. The eyes he’s looked into so many times, each time they’re just as pretty.

He turns his head again, both of them sit in silence, their presence speaking for its self.

“You miss her?” Charles asks, breaking the silence with a question that caused a chill to grow up Y/n’s spine.

“Ever day.” She simply replied.

She turned her head slightly, to be met with Charles staring at her deeply.

Y/n laid her head on his shoulder, sighing out.

“I’m too old for you, you know and with my career taking off.. it’s never going to happen, Y/n.”

“Whatever you say, Charlie. We’ll see.”

“I’m being serious.” He takes a brief pause, stuttering like he’s trying to come up with an excuse after being caught doing something wrong. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings. Arthur would kill me.”

“Hm, he would, wouldn’t he?” Y/n smiles at the thought of her best friend.

Back to Formula one though..

When he got his seat with Alpha Romeo, the whole family was ecstatic. Everyone celebrating, despite finding out the tragic news that Hervé, the boys’ dad was once again ill.

A year later Charles joined Alpha Romeo, as a rookie for the 2017 season. Nearing the Baku Grand Prix, Y/n got woken up by banging on her bedroom door. Outside the door was a frantic looking Arthur, and by the tears welling up in his eyes, Y/n knew the inevitable had came. She comforted Arthur on the way to the hospital, her heart breaking for the boy. Once he calmed down and fell asleep on her shoulder, her dad driving, her head started racing. The only thing going through her mind being if Charles was okay.

When Charles heard the brunette girls’ choked up words to his mother he quickly turned around, once again in the hospital hallway, and immediately met her gaze.

“Charlie, I’m so sorry.” she said, her arms around his neck, his face buried into her hair. For some reason the second she was near he let it all out. All of the frustration, the sadness, the anger and the utter and deep rooted pain.

They went home, the girl joining. As everyone went to bed, Y/n insisted on falling asleep to the tv playing, as she didn’t like the silence filling up her mind. Leaving her space to think about Hervé or how Charles’ arm felt around her waist.

She tried to suppress her feelings day by day. But the second he looked at her with his beautiful eyes or smiled at her she crumbled and fell for her best friends brother all over again.

And just as she was about to fall asleep and stop thinking about him, he walks down the stairs, a suit case in his hand and a tired expression on his face. It could be because of the lack of sleep or the emotional drainage today has caused.

“You really going to get on a plane right now?” she question at his sanity. “Have to.” He replies bluntly. “At four in the morning?” Y/n question once again, a little softer, feeling sympathy for the, very clearly traumatized and exhausted boy in-front of her. “I’m a bit early, couldn’t sleep.” he sighs, falling onto the couch next to her, rubbing his eyes with his right hand, the left one resting on the couch behind her.

“Are you okay?” Y/n brakes the short silence, looking intently at him.

It was silent for about two minutes. That’s what the clock on the wall said. It felt like two hours.

“I have to be. Can’t afford to be distracted.”

“Charles, your father died, you’re allowed to be sad.” the girl said, shocked at his lack of emotion.

“It’s easier for everyone if i’m not, I had a good cry. Now I have to look after Mama’n.”

The brunette girl looks at him, slightly confused why it’s his job to look after his mother when he’s not the oldest, nor the only child.

He sighs once again, looking straight forward at the clock om the wall. “Lorenzo is married and expecting and Arthur’s not only focusing on his racing and getting to F2, but he’s also falling in love, you can hear it in the way the idiot talks about her.” Charles chuckles, slightly annoyed but happy for his brothers and their success. Oh, and how it made you love him even more.

“You deserve love too, Charlie.” Y/n says, looking intently at his reaction form her view of his side profile.

He looks at her. His gaze narrowed slightly and he shook his head as Y/n placed her hand on his shoulder.

“I’m serious, you deserve that support, you deserve to feel excited about seeing someone, you deserve to be comforted and happy and to have fun. You just have to let it in..” Y/n says, hinting at Charles that she was there, waiting for him.

He looks at her again, realizing immediately that they are very much closer than they were a few seconds ago.

“Y/n..” Charles says, looking down at her lips. He was tempted, very tempted. He was confused and sad and saw Y/n as a good distraction. Or at least that’s what he told himself. Y/n tried to make eye contact, but it was impossible when all he could look at was her lips.

So she did the next thing she could think of. She leaned in. Their lips brushed together, she hesitates as Charles looked like he wanted to say something more. “Y/n.. I” Still as close as they were, Y/n’s heart beat out of her chest, so loud she was convinced Charles could hear it. This was the moment she’s been waiting for. She’s been in love with Charles for more than half her life. The thought of him finally feeling the same made her head hurt and her mouth run dry.

“I can’t.”

Two words, those two words she knew she would remember forever, she does to this day, it’s stored in the old and dusty box in the corner of her mind marked with the initials C. L on it.

The next sentence she tried to solve for years and years, that was until she watched drive to survive, and although she got some clarity, it opened the cardboard box in the back of her mind and knocked it over, all the memories spilling out of the box and filling her mind. At that moment she would’ve chosen the silence over the taunting reminder of the childhood and teenage years spent with Charles Leclerc that kept her up that whole night.

One sentence and his closed off mannerism after that, that haunted her conscience, that house and made it so much harder to get over the Monegasque.

“I promised him, I’m sorry.”

Y/n watched the Monegasque take off with tears in her eyes and more than one crack in her heart.

“He’ll come around Y/n, give it the summer.” Said her best friend from the stairs. He sighs, rubbing over his face with a hand. Once again comforting his best friend over a guy treating her like shit. Only this time, he knew she wouldn’t be okay in the morning. He knew it would take a little time for Y/n to get over this one. He knew she’d still love Charles, no matter how good or bad they were to each other.

———————

Now many years later, Y/n is once again supposed to be with the Leclerc’s on a boat. Charles’ boat to be specific. She hasn’t talked, called or seen him since he left that morning, right after completely rejecting the girl.

Charles was excited.

You could even say he’s been waiting for this moment since he saw her skiing with her friends in December three years ago. Because the truth was, he has.

Charles would be lying right out of his ass if he said he didn’t miss his brother’s bestest of friends. She and Arthur were still extremely close, despite hearing that she took off for a few months after that night in the living room.

It’s been three and a half years since that, and Charles has regretted it ever since. He gets sick to his stomach thinking about it, thinking about hurting Y/n. Because deep down he cared more for her that he would admit.

It did make him focus more on racing. He put his all into it, trying to numb the pain of losing two people at the same time. He has then since signed for Ferarri and waited for the girls call. When it didn’t come he was disappointed to say the least, but understood her view. When drive to survive came out and explained how he promised his father that he got the seat to Ferarri, he thought the girl would understand his need to focus on only that, but when his phone never rang and he never heard her voice he knew she was gone, she was done chasing him. And that hurt him more than leaving in the first place, because he knew everything he knows would bring him back to them.

Bring him back to their arguments. To their laughs, their crys, screams, emotions.

Everything would bring him back to her.

“Y/n?” Charles hesitantly said through his phone, after practically tackling Arthur to get her new number.

“Charles. H-how did you get my number?” Y/n stutters, immediately knowing who’s voice it was through the phone. I mean, how would she not. She’s spent so much of her life imagining that voice utter three little words to her. Three words that didn’t break her heart but instead healed it. But she was older now, and those fantasies weren’t forgotten, but stored very much in the back of her mind in the infamous cardboard box.

“Uh, kind of fought my brother for it.” Charles muttered shamefully.

“Oh, uhm okay. Can I ask why?”

“I miss you, Y/n.” Charles replied almost immediately. Desperate for the girl’s attention.

“Charles.. I-.” She was cut off quickly. “Why aren’t you here? You said you’d be here. Maman is going insane with all the men, she needs you here.” Charles tries to convince her.

“I don’t know, Charles. It’s been a while.” Charles sighs at the absence of his nickname. “So come and we can catch up.” he continues.

“Please.”

It’s silent for a few seconds. It felt like minutes.

“Okay.” is the only thing Y/n says before hanging up. Charles still wanted to talk to her but he figured he could do that when she gets here.

“She’s coming !” Charles yells out to his family as he walks back up to them, sitting himself down on the white couch next to Lorenzo and across from the youngest Leclerc.

Pascal was obviously very happy, Lorenzo giving them all a surprised look. But Arthur, Arthur wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows.

“She’s not seventeen anymore, Charles. She doesn’t have a little crush on you anymore.” Arthur immediately shuts any wrong intentions down, not liking that Y/n agreed to come because his brother, who hurt her, asked her to.

“I know Arth. Don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried you idiot, but you should be if you even think about making a move on her or something.”

Arthur stands up and walks away, completely unappeased with this whole thing. Lorenzo follows.

“ He’s just looking out for his bestfriend, Cherie.” His mother reasons with a angry looking Charles. “I know, i’m just offended he’d think I would hurt her again, now that i’m older and more stable.”

“You still love her?” Pascal questions.

“What?” Charles looks so confused, you could’ve sworn he just saw a flying goat. “Ma cherie, you’re a very stubborn person, but you aren’t stupid.”

Charles stares at his mother, shocked at how well the woman knew him.

“Yes I do still love her.” Charles says, looking down at his feet, deflated by the fact that he couldn’t do anything about his feelings, knowing his brother would resent him and Y/n definitely didn’t trust or care for him anymore.

“I’m sorry, Charles.” Pascal says, standing up to go get another drink, kissing her son’s forehead on her way out.

•••••••••••••••••••••

𝗢𝗞𝗔𝗬 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗪𝗔𝗦 𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗧 𝟭.

this is taking lot longer that I expected..

[wynsummers]

i've been thinking about the whole "friction in his jeans" thing a lot lately, and while it is certainly one of the more iconic instances of the lyric in the CD booklet being different from the actual song, it is far from the only one. on top of that, there are quite a few lyrics that play with double meanings that only become clear when they're written out.

so, i present a collection of every lyric in the fob CD booklets that differ from the final version, punctuation and double meanings that aren't noticeable unless the song is written out, and any other interesting details i find in the process, or a really long post of me cornplating about fob:

disclaimer that if the difference is small enough/doesn't change the meaning of the line i won't include it because that would take me years (for example, the book says "light that smoke for giving up on me" and patrick says "yeah, one for giving up on me" but literally who cares that changes nothing. everything i include here is relevant, i think)

follow-up disclaimer that there are a bunch of fucking typos in every single one of these books because these boys never proofread anything but unless i think it's significant in some way i probably will skip it

TAKE THIS TO YOUR GRAVE:

tell that mick:

"I hope you choke on those words, that kiss, that bottle - I confess / now ash yourself out on the insides, when I said I loved you I swear I lied"

grand theft autumn:

"someday i'll appreciate in value, get off my ass and call you... but for the meantime i'll sport my brand new fashion of waking up with my clothes on at 4:00 in the afternoon"

saturday:

"pete and i said goodbye to astoria with promise and precision and mess of youthful innocence"

(most of these are just silly but this one fucking hurts)

sending postcards:

"fake it like you matter - cause that's the biggest secret you have to keep"

chicago is so two years ago:

"that means that I believed every single lie you said (and learned from the best)"

"cause every pain of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pains i went through to avoid you / and every little pat on the shoulder for attention fails to mention i still hate you" (pain of glass instead of pane of glass - i think this is supposed to be a parallel. that or pete just misspelled pane)

patron saint:

"I'm holding out and I'm holding on to every letter and every grudge"

*flashes forward 20 years to hmlag*

anyway

FROM UNDER THE CORK TREE:

our lawyer made us change the name of this song so we wouldn't get sued:

"we're good friends only when you're on your knees"

sugar:

the icon, the legend

"don't mind me, i'm watching you two from the closet wishing to be the friction in his jeans" 🎉🏳️‍🌈

dark alley:

"joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of 'just friends'"

"I'm hopelessly hopeful that you're just hopeless enough"

champagne for my real friends, real pain for my shrimp friends:

"you steer away in a rearview mirror, make my head swim"

i slept with someone in fob:

"someone old, no one new / always borrowed, always you"

THIS ONE!! THIS FUCKING ONE [CAR CRASH] [SIRENS]

ahem. anyway

sixteen candles:

"i confess, i'm just messed up / dropping 'i'm sorrys' like you're still around"

XO:

"to hands"

(that's it. no "between legs, and whatever it takes" just hands. just fuckin. to hands)

"to hotel stares/stairs" (wordplay!! to clarify it literally says "stares/stairs" in the book)

"choose awe or sympathy"

also in the last verse it says 'to the "love"' with the quotes which is just kinda funny

INFINITY ON HIGH:

this ain't a scene:

"crashing not like hips or hearts"

i'm like a lawyer:

"i only keep myself this sick in the head cause i know how the words get you (off)"

"collect the bad habits that you couldn't bare to keep" (idk this one might just be a typo)

hum hallelujah:

similarly, this might also be a typo, but "versus" is spelled "verses"

(after) life:

ok. ok. hear me out. this is the cornplatiest i have ever been. but on genius it says "death's in a double bed"

and on the lyric book it says "deaths in a double bed"

that changes everything!!! (not really, i know) it's not death as a concept or figure or whatever it's deaths. as in multiple people dying. aaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaughhhhhhhhhhh

moving on

carpal tunnel:

"we take the sip from life's lush lips"

the line "we might've started singing just a little soon" isn't listed, it's just the goodbye line twice

"but i'm just tired yawns for fawns"

you're crashing:

"the cause, the kid, the charm, and the curse"

ginasfs:

"lips pressed this close to mine"

"but the prince of this failing empire knows" (hhhnnnggggggghhh)

"i've already given up on myself once but the third time is the charm" that's not how numbers work pete <3

"just kind of figured on not figuring myself out"

FOLIE A DEUX:

folie a deux doesn't have a lyric book. just portraits of the boys with empty white pages that have their names written on them. my poor beautiful masterpiece

BELIEVERS NEVER DIE VOL. 1:

fnowae:

not a lyric but for some reason the whole fuckin song is in quotes

SAVE ROCK AND ROLL:

the phoenix:

another punctuation thing but instead of "hope to die" it's "hope-to-dies"

"you're wearing our vintage misery"

alone together:

"my heart is like a stallion, they love it more when it's broke in" instead of "broken" (i love double meanings!! i love wordplay!! i love pete wentz!!)

where did the party go:

"i will appear to you if you make yourself shake fast enough"

the mighty fall:

the lyric book straight up doesn't have big sean's part 💔

rat a tat:

at the end there's this "talk less / mean more / let's be electric / like we were before" that i have literally never heard so i'm assuming it's a neat little cut lyric

save rock and roll:

"i will save the songs / the songs we're singing"

AMERICAN BEAUTY / AMERICAN PSYCHO:

irresistible:

"coming in announced" this one. this one's just a typo. come on boys it's been 12 years at this point read the books more than once

"i just dragged my nails on the tile / i just follow your scent" ?? idk

"this will not be a battle"

ab/ap:

for some fucking reason it just says "she's an american beauty" three times at the start of the song 😭

"and as we're drifting off to sleep" isn't in there, it just says "and all those dirty thoughts of me, they were never yours to keep"

the kids aren't alright:

indulge me once more, reader. i am cornplating again

instead of "former heroes who quit too late and just wanna fill up their trophy case again" it's "wanted to" do you understand why that makes me insane

also they have it as "will put your curse in reverse" instead of "we" which could be a typo but could also be a neat little change

uma thurman:

"you cut me deep like uma thurman"

jet pack blues:

"i'm the kind that can turn june to september / the last one that you'll ever remember"

"between these two white highway signs"

immortals:

"i try to picture you without me but i can't"

M A N I A:

hold me tight or don't:

the line "i'm pretty sure that this isn't how our story ends" isn't included

wilson:

"i know it's just a number but to me you're the 8th wonder"

sunshine riptide:

they didn't include any of burna boy's lines 😒

SO MUCH (FOR) STARDUST:

smfs doesn't have any lyric changes that i noticed, just the usual typos.

update: future emma here, upon further contemplation I have decided to add the line "I'd never go, I just want to be invited" since the first verse definitely says "I'll" (thank you sugarweregoinin and foliejpg for inspiring this revelation)

and there we have it! if you're insane patient enough to have made it until the end, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed! if there are any i missed/any in CDs that i don't have please let me know i find these so fascinating (if you couldn't tell). i just love getting glimpses into their writing process and seeing how the songs we know and love evolve before they get to us. i might also do a post about how spotify/genius gets a bunch of their lyrics wrong because it pisses me off but this is all for now, good day/night!

[ker0senebunny]

walking on a string✫*ﾟ･ﾟ

steve harrington x fem!cheerleader!reader

part two -- after much anticipation, PART TWO IS HERE!

summary: steve leads on cheerleader!reader, thinking that her affection is insincere. after all, he’s a loser now. what could she possibly want from him? (angst, fluff)

warnings: language, angst, fluff, no use of y/n, afab!reader, fem!reader, un-beta'd, all characters are 18+

word count: 2,787

notes: ahh my first fic!! this is inspired by the song walking on a string :)) also steve is a lil insecure n angsty because the duffer brothers apparently won't let him express his insecurities or trauma!! so i did that. he deserves a hug and i hope our cheerleader!reader can give that to him. i have a part 2 lined up so lmk if u would wanna see that!! enjoy xox

p.s. i may or may not have finished editing this while dyeing my hair

i think about you walking on a string.

it always brings me back here.

you had been to family video every day that week (so far), and for steve harrington, that was weird. mega weird.

steve had always noticed you at parties, even if you weren't directly looking at him. you would come in with a troupe of cheerleaders, the hairspray practically sliding off of them in waves. you emerged from the cloud of crunchy hair and denim jackets with a softness that only you could possess. you looked as if you were made of gossamer - silken and perfect.

but that was when he was king steve: someone more worthy of you. someone who meant something. now, he’s just steve who works at family video and parents six children in his spare time.

so yeah. all your light touches and eyes skating across his lips was definitely all in his head.

that week, you'd come into family video at least five times. and every time, you asked to see steve. even if he was in the back, you would wait for him in front of the counter, drumming your manicured nails on the smudgy surface, looking around with wide, innocent eyes. today, you'd come to actually return a tape. you left him notes whenever you returned a tape, always signed with your name and a cloud of hearts. he swore he could smell your perfume on the paper.

it all started after the mall burned down. when you walked in to that miserable family video store, steve didn’t even notice you. “welcome to family video, how can i-” he droned, flipping through a magazine. he’d been working there for barely two weeks and he was already sick of it. at least he got free ice cream at scoops. all he had here was...keith. what made it even worse was the fact that robin was sick on this particular day. something about a "totally rancid stomach bug." steve shuddered just thinking about it. so now, he had nobody to banter with to pass the time. “steve?” you said, surprise evident in your open smile. his head snapped up immediately and was met with your gentle eyes.

“hi,” he breathed out.

“hi,” you gave in a giggly reply.

it was silent for a little bit. you were holding pretty in pink in your manicured hand. before he could ask you if that’s all you wanted, your hand that wasn't holding the tape was over his, squeezing it with every ounce of comfort you could transfer to him. “i heard about the fire at the mall. i’m so, so sorry that happened to you. it must’ve been so scary!”

he couldn’t tell if you were fucking with him. after all, you were still socially relevant in this dismal little town. he was the horror story told to incoming freshmen, a story of failure.

his gaze skirted around your pretty face; he saw part of the cheer squad waiting in a car outside. they were looking inside the store not so conspicuously and giggling. his eyes narrowed. yeah, he knew he was right; why would you be talking to him?

“yeah, well, at least i still have a job,” he quipped sarcastically. the scent emanating from your soft skin and your cardigan was making him dizzy. he found himself in a rush to get you away from him as soon as possible. he wanted to avoid whatever humiliation could be coming next. “will that be all?” he gestured to the tape. you seemed startled as you removed your hand from his. he already craved the warmth you gave him. “oh, yeah! i’m sorry to bring that up, by the way. i just wanted to make sure that you’re doing alright.” he hummed and registered the rental in the system, trying to ignore your presence less than a foot away from him. “just return it next friday,” he said, already turning back to his magazine. he felt a little bad, sure, because out of the corner of his eye, he could see you deflate. you became a little more subdued because of him. his dad was right - nobody wanted to be around him.

he hadn’t even realized that he’d zoned out until your fingers brushed against his once again.

you seemed to notice the shift in him, though, and the tender smile returned to your face as you took the tape from his hands. “it was really nice seeing you, steve. i’ve missed you,” you said before giving him a kiss on the cheek and slipping out the door. he was left mid page-turn, plump lips agape.

and of course robin wasn’t there to see it.

you were the current co-head cheerleader at hawkins. you were chrissy cunningham’s best friend. you were the top of the pyramid, all tiny crop tops and skirts that showed the cusp of your ass. you smelled like jasmine and citrus and god, were you pretty. supple skin, graceful eyelashes, a lush mouth. steve knew that you most definitely tasted like sweet almond cookies, soft on his tongue. he knew that you rented pretty in pink almost every friday, when he thought you would be partying. he knew that you were too good for him. so why the hell did you keep coming in to talk to him?

for weeks after that, you returned every friday to rent pretty in pink. you always stayed to talk with steve, and he felt his hard exterior start to slip away. you laughed at all his dumb jokes, even staying past closing to keep him company as he reorganized the incoming tapes. you brought him lunch with lovey-dovey notes that he definitely didn’t store in his wallet. he invited you over for movie nights — a weekly occurrence for the two of you. he’d even introduced you to his gaggle of freshmen. but in the back of his mind, he knew that you were just pulling him along on a frail string — and it was surely about to snap.

but even through all of that, coming in five times in one week was a lot.

the bell at the door jingled, taking steve out of his reverie. it was getting colder in hawkins — the last of the nice weather before the bitter chill of winter set in.

he took a breath and slid himself behind the counter as he saw you walk in. he could’ve sworn that you perked up, chin rising and hair shifting to show off your kissable neck as you fluttered over. stop it, he commanded himself in his head.

you smiled as you approached him, a sheen to your cheeks and the slope of your nose. “hi, steve,” you said, a little breathless. the light bent around you in a way that gave you a natural glow. steve could swear that he heard a choir singing somewhere. he shook himself into the present. “hey sweetheart, what’s up?” he said, reminding himself to play it cool. be neutral. you looked down, hands flattening your white skirt. you suddenly felt your cheeks warm. “i was just wondering if you’re going to be at the pep rally next week?” you looked so hopeful, standing on your tippytoes to lean over the counter. steve could see the tops of your tits as they threatened to spill out of your pink scoop-neck top.

he was shocked that he, steve harrington, new resident nothing of hawkins, was being asked out by the prettiest girl in his deadbeat town. this had to be some sort of sick joke that nicole and amanda put you up to. he smirked at you, plan in motion. if you wanted to play it that way with all the tiny tops and touching and the way you smell like apricot scrub…well, he’s getting off topic. the point is, steve harrington needed to play you right back.

“yeah, of course i’ll be there.”

he winced behind his smile. you beamed up at him.

into the garden, by the hand.

you’ve always had me,

walking on a string.

you were co-head cheerleader, that was true. but you also had a hopelessly huge crush on steve harrington, something your friends teased you over a lot. especially chelsea. the only person who ever defended you was chrissy, your best friend. chrissy always placed your hand in hers as a motion of comfort, a crinkle in between her brows as she told the cheer squad to, “back off! it’s not like bradley dunkirk is any better.” the other girls tittered in laughter as chelsea hid her flaming cheeks in her pompoms. you shook your head at chelsea and chrissy’s repartee as your eyes searched the bleachers. it was the day of the pep rally — the positively perfect time to show off your cheering prowess. your skirt was hiked up a little extra; your top was your smaller one from sophomore year that made your boobs perk up and almost overflow through the v-cut.

your pompoms wilted in your clammy hands as you scanned the gym, searching for that swoon-worthy warm grin and floppy hair. you eventually spotted him mouthing something to robin. they laughed through their own secret language and you felt a sinking pressure descend on your chest.

but then robin said something, gesturing toward you with a nod of her head. he looked up and over, eyes alert and looking for someone. his gaze rested on you, a pensive neutrality washed over his face. you rustled your pompoms playfully at him as you smiled, skirt swinging and exposing more of your thighs. steve swallowed as he saw the fabric rise, but then he just gave you a polite, closed-lip smile and looked back at robin, who was gesturing wildly at him.

your pompoms drooped and you frowned. he’d been weird the entire week, avoiding you, brushing off your coy smiles and flirty touches. you were overjoyed that he came and were looking forward to seeing his cute little dimples, but he didn’t seem to want anything to do with you. you sagged in your tennis shoes until chrissy tapped your shoulder and signaled that it was time to start.

your routine went perfectly. but as you stood on your teammates' shoulders and smiled at the roaring crowd, your mind was elsewhere. steve was clapping for you, but his eyes didn’t hold the usual mirth that they did. you thought that the two of you were building up to something. he couldn’t be that dense, you thought to yourself. surely all the love notes and smiles and jokes made him realize that you liked him. a lot. a LOT a lot. at the very least, you thought you were friends.

you’d liked steve since freshman year. you were barely a teenager, a fresh-faced fourteen year old who sucked her braces when she was nervous. you saw him in the parking lot, all boyish smiles and strong hands. you immediately liked the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed. they crinkled, but they stayed open — so that he could still take in the face of whoever he was speaking with. you liked that he was considerate, that he held the library door open for you even as his date rolled his eyes for “helping a stupid little frosh.” you disappeared into the background for that first year, as you watched his life collapse in on itself.

but then sophomore year came and you blossomed. chrissy cunningham was in your english class. you two were partnered up to read a scene from macbeth and couldn’t do it without laughing. you knew that day, that she was going to be your best friend. then, the two of you were suddenly trying out for cheer. you got your braces taken off. your hair and a new healthy shine to it. people looked your way as you walked arm in arm with chrissy, ponytails bouncing in unison.

you’d always been afraid to speak to steve. sure, he was nicer than most popular kids (to you, at least) — but he was just so cute. and that made it all the more impossible to approach him. you remember how you felt your heart clench after you heard he and nancy broke up. he seemed to really love her, but a selfish part of you itched at the chance to have your shot.

that summer, when he was working at the mall, you barely had the courage to step inside scoops ahoy, even though amanda and bridget begged you to go with them. you knew robin from your history class. she was funny and sweet and a welcome surprise as you stepped into the ice cream shop. you walked up to the counter with a sway in your hips that ensured that people looked at your ass in those tiny denim cutoffs. you, robin, and your friends joked for a bit about your upcoming senior year. they were discussing something about a new culture club song when you looked to your right.

steve was laying on the charm while serving two girls from your school. you felt your stomach twist in jealousy. you looked at your sweet red converse and didn’t even notice robin asking for your order. you blinked at her and smiled, asking for strawberry in a cone. you and your friends moved toward where steve was. he gave you a small smile and looked you up and down, before going right back to flirting.

you liked him from afar; that was the extent of your relationship with steve. up until now, you’d only made small talk with him at parties. but you liked him because of how you saw him interact with others, especially that dustin kid.

you were heartbroken to think that the past few months of work visits and move nights (during which his arm would venture around your shoulder) didn’t mean anything to him. you saw him talking to robin off in a corner, and putting on a brave face, bounced over to the two of them.

“hi robs!” you chirped. she smiled at you and yelled your name as you approached from across the gym, miming pompoms in her hands. “nice cheering,” she said with a wink. you giggled in embarrassment and looked down at your frilly socks. “nice…playing?” you said. she laughed, but steve stood silently. robin looked between the two of you before muttering something about a girl named vickie.

you stood in front of steve now. he couldn’t help but think about how cute you looked in your uniform, glowing after a successful pep rally.

“hi stevie,” you said. he flushed at your nickname, something that you’d given him a few weeks ago after noticing a similar flush appear when you used it in passing.

“hey sweetheart,” he said, not looking you in the eye. you transferred your pompoms to one hand and reached the other out to gently grasp at his fingers. he let you.

“what’s going on? are you okay?” you asked sweetly. the dark part of steve, the part that convinced him that you were just leading him on, told him that you were faking it. that you were just here to make fun of him in front of his ex-classmates who already did the same behind his back. but here you were, face to face, looking at him with worry and your jasmine scent and pretty lips. he sighed out your name; you could detect the disappointment.

“i know what you’re doing.”

you looked at him in confusion, still holding his hand. you stepped closer to him and could smell his lemongrass shampoo. “stevie,” you said softly, “what do you mean?”

“i know your friends put you up to this,” he said harshly. something akin to hurt flickered across your face, but you replaced it immediately with your usual gentle disposition. “put me up to what?” you prompted softly. he rolled his eyes and huffed, pulling his hand away from you. this time, you let the hurt show on your face.

“i know that you and your friends wanted to fuck with me by pretending that you liked me,” he said finally, crossing his arms and furrowing his brows. you looked utterly crestfallen. your heart ached at the possibility that steve could think that your affection was anything but sincere. “no, stevie, please-“ you started, but he cut you off. “i know that i’m just this has-been cool kid who’s good for nothing, but i’m still a person. and i won’t be dragged around on your little string anymore. i’m done.”

if you looked crestfallen before, you looked absolutely crushed right now.

steve desperately wished that he could suck his words from the air around you and never let them see the light of day. but from the look on your face, he knew there was no going back now.

your eyes tickled and burned as wetness blurred your vision. it hurt you more than anything to know that steve thought so little of you. the boy you’d do anything for, go anywhere for, thought that this was all a game to you. you tried to swallow around the lump in your throat, your next words coming out cracked: “steve, i promise it’s not like that.” he scoffed.

“then tell me why your friends sit outside of the video store and watch us and fucking laugh at me?”

your heart stopped then. it broke you, knowing that steve thought so little of himself and you. “steve, they’re laughing at me! because i never stop talking about you because-“ you stopped, not knowing whether you should even bother to tell him now. with a shaky breath, you continued: “because i like you so goddamn much.”

he looked at you strangely then, watching the tears finally begin their path along your cheeks. “save it. i’m done.” the gym was empty now; everyone had left during your conversation. he looked at you, all dolled up in a green little cheerleading costume, a yellow ribbon threaded through the back of your ponytail. he tried to ignore the wetness on your face and the pitiful tremble of your bottom lip. he tried to memorize the color of your lipgloss and how it sparkled under the dimming sun and fluorescent lights. he looked at you and tried his best to keep himself from falling for you. he turned to walk out of the gym doors. as his reeboks squeaked across the lacquered hardwood, steve thought about running back to you and kissing you until he heard his favorite laugh bubble up out of your chest. he heard a sob rip its way out of your throat and in a moment of weakness, he turned around to see you drop your cute little pompoms and raise your hands to your face to hide your tears.

© ker0senebunny. all rights reserved. all original posts of writing are my own words, with the exceptions of quotations from songs, movies, and other media. my work is NOT to be crossposted to another platform, copied by anyone, or translated without my express and explicit permission.

taglist: nobody yet :)) send in an ask if you’d like to be added!

[soracities]

how do you know when you're getting good at poetry? everybody dunks on halsey and rupi kaur's poetry, and i never really got why and idk if that's what i sound like

Honestly, I don't think there's ever a point at which you "know" you're getting good at poetry--I think "good" and "bad" are kind of vague and amorphous (and distracting) categories that don't do much in helping us understand the feel and impact of certain writing, chiefly because they can also be deeply subjective. How a poet views a particular work and how a reader views it will be very, very different because their relationship to the work is different. I also think "good" is a sort of external category that does not (or should not) carry into the act of writing itself--when you make "is this good?" the chief consideration as you write, you're not actually present in the writing: you're focused on the finished product, not the process, but the process is the most important thing: that's where the poem actually meets you. I think growth, in writing, is less about knowing if you're "good" in this regard, and more about being able to have confidence, or simply just trust, in the writing as it happens.

There's a famous saying somewhere that a work of literature is never "finished"--it just stops. I think skill, when it comes to writing, lies in recognising where this point is, in learning and developing how you navigate what it is you want to say, and how you say it. Some poems, eventually, reach a point where you can take them no further and you know there is nothing more to be said in them or through them. Some poems reach a point where you can take them no further, but there is still something left to be said in them. Those poems get revisited, worked, and reworked again, until they (maybe) get close to the first category: this may mean you work on them for a few weeks, or for years--but either way you are prioritizing the process of making the poem, not how it will be received. "Is this a good poem?" in my view at least, is not really the relevant question--what's relevant is "is this true to what I wanted to say?" Leonard Cohen famously wrote over 100 drafts of "Hallelujah"--I don't know if the central question for him here was just a matter of his skills as a songwriter.

Regarding Halsey and Rupi Kaur, I've only been able to read Halsey's poems through previews on Google Books so I don't know what other people's critiques are--based on what I saw, though, I don't know if it makes sense to criticize their quality as "poems" when she is primarily a songwriter and a lot of those poems wound up as songs. I'm more familiar with Rupi Kaur's writing, though, and others like her (Atticus, Michael Faudet etc), and while I have a personal policy of not getting into Kaur online (there's an ask here which is about as much as I'm willing to say regarding my feelings on her writing)--I can get into this trend or poetry "style" as a whole. And to be honest I think the chief issue here with poetry like this is that poetry, by definition, involves a deep and intimate relationship with language: this holds true regardless of whether the poem is simple, or complex, whether it's 5 lines long or goes on for 50 pages. As I said in that previous ask, it's not something you can reduce to a formula, nor is it a matter of mere reportage or a collection of statements: what makes a poem has nothing to do with line breaks (prose poems exist), but everything to do with how the language moves, how the language of a poem engages with its own content, with itself, and, as a result, with the reader.

The kind of work that proliferates on Instagram does not have that kind of engagement with language--they are, to me, pieces of information more than anything else. They reduce language to a series of stock phrases that act, not as actual words, but as images (and I don't mean this in a visually evocative way). It tries to evoke something that requires a thoughtful and sustained examination in order to be expressed, by surpassing the reality of what that examination actually requires. It tries to ape the effect of a powerful poem without the work that goes into actually being able to make that kind of a poem in the first place: and that work is a sustained encounter and confrontation with the language used and its relationship to what it tries to convey, in understanding that words are not interchangeable blocks you move around willy-nilly but that they have weight and intention, that they interact with each other to build up an idea or a feeling or a landscape in the most accessible way (insofar as language can make anything accessible, at least). But this is rarely, if ever, felt in IG poetry because it refuses to recognize or respect the demands and requirements of the medium it uses.

And because it is lacking in this engagement and recognition, these poems are also, for the most part, lacking sincerity--and this, to me, is one of the most crucial things when it comes to writing. I recall one IG poet whose work was in the same class as someone like Atticus, but I also recall one of his poems which genuinely moved me--and it moved me because, unlike everything else on his account, that poem felt sincere: the structure and the language wasn't any different to anything else he wrote, but in reading it, it was not a question for me of whether it was "bad" or "good"--what made the impact was that it was honest: and the difference showed. You can't come into a poem with ulterior motives. You can't come into it without an understanding, or respect, for the language you use. I'm absolutely not policing what people should or shouldn't read, and I'm not saying people are wrong for liking these poems, either, or that Halsey, Kaur, Atticus et al., are wrong for writing them. Expression is expression, and what speaks to you speaks to you. And to be honest, it is a different kettle of fish when you are writing something purely for yourself (and I think allowing yourself to partake in any kind of artform, without worrying about needing to be good at it, is deeply important for the human spirit)--but because they are putting their work out publicly, if we are going to be evaluating what they write and how they write it, that evaluation has to be rooted in an understanding of the art form they intend their work to be a part of.

For me, these are the main issues I have with these writers and their work and why I just do not like them. But I also want to stress that, ultimately, what you sound like in your own poems, anon, does not matter as much as being sincere to yourself does. As I said, I don' like using terms like "good" and "bad" and I think that often they're fairly reductive (and sometimes outright pointless) categories to use when we talk about and assess poetry--more than anything else, the key to building a robust and informed discernment when it comes to poems is to simply just read--read a lot of it and read widely. The broader and richer your repository of poetry (and literature in general) is, the more informed you are when it comes to all the different ways language can move through a poem, and all the different impacts it can have as a result. It deepens and enriches your understanding of all the different ways of looking at something, questioning something, expressing something. Your vocabularly grows and deepens; your net of associations--visual, linguistic etc--strengthens. And when this understanding grows you are able to place the things you read into a much wider and far more informed context. And this in turn allows you to grow as a reader and a writer. I hope this helps you a little, anon 💕

[denkies]

The BSD 5 Opening, Tetsu no Ori, is a love song from Atsushi to Akutagawa

Let's start at the beginning of the song, with the accompanying scenes.

Putting Atsushi and Akutagawa with those specific lyrics was probably not a silly mistake done by complete coincidence. But let's keep going!

These lyrics specifically pertain to Atsushi's feelings after Akutagawa's death. Both "places" in these lyrics refer to the afterlife-- somewhere only seen after death, and somewhere Atsushi doesn't want Akutagawa to go.

"A place you can't go" can also be foreshadowing that Akutagawa doesn't go to the afterlife. He becomes a vampire. On that note, Atsushi believes that Akutagawa can be woken up from his brainwashed state-- and actually begins to succeed in chapter 108. He doesn't believe Akutagawa to be in the afterlife, because he has faith that he's still there.

The anime opening ends with those lyrics, but the full song continues. I'll be talking about some specific parts, which pertain to the topic.

This one is pretty quickly explained, as Akutagawa and Atsushi quite literally symbolize Yin and Yang, even physically. The line about being unable to ignore the "bug in the iron cage" comes up later!

Past tense, expressing the sorrow that came after the heat of battle. "The loss of ecstacy" seems to reference the 2 battles that they won against Fukuchi, as the ecstacy of winning was taken from them.

"That we can only be slaves to something; knowing that you will lose." is referencing these rewritten battles again -- Fukuchi tells them that they won, but he went back in time (chapter 87). In the lyrics, Atsushi recognizes that they are slaves to Fukuchi's sword, that they can't win.

"Knowing that you will lose" might also reference Atsushi's thoughts on Akutagawa's sacrifice. Atsushi knows that the escape route was only for him; that Akutagawa's first and foremost priory was getting Atsushi out alive. Knowing that he couldn't have saved Akutagawa from Fukuchi, because Akutagawa didn't want to be saved. He was going to lose, in every scenario, to keep Atsushi safe.

And finally, this part. "You've already taken flight; you've become a butterfly," again, referencing Akutagawa's death. Funnily enough, I think this also ties into Akutagawa not actually being dead. Butterflies symbolize the soul, death, and rebirth. All of these are relevant to him in vampire form, so equating him to a butterfly isn't too far off. It's also very pretty and sweet.

The line about the iron cage comes up again, this time, Atsushi revealing himself to be the "bug in the iron cage." The entire sequence seems to be about Atsushi's grief, that he can't ignore and is trapped in like a cage.

His desire to be free is also tied to him wishing to be reunited with Akutagawa. "You've already taken flight / If I could fly now, outside the iron cage..." I think it conveys that Atsushi wants to escape this grief, but only if it means reuniting with Akutagawa once more.

Lastly, as my evidence, the song title "Tetsu no Ori" (鉄の檻) literally means "Iron Cage". The song itself is about Atsushi being trapped in his grief, and love, after Akutagawa's death.

I rest my case.

[furrysmp]

decided to go sunbringer designs for once. I have so many words oh my god

so. uh,

I am so normal about sunbringer joel smallishbeans so normal I swear. he's planning to throw the o from his name at scott btw.

... he and scar are related but I'm not explaining further until the actual fic about it comes out because there's so much plot significance in the smallishbeans.

... grian. has a book. that he borrowed from the Library. it's very relevant I swear the concept of the library is a plot point.

Also grians eyes are technically green! With a bit of purple and just. a layer of Dark over them to make them less neon green. its not in his genetics to have neon eyes. unlike scar and I swear their eye colors are relevant but like in a weird queerplatonic scarian dl based bit in the grian chapter of the fic

Mumbo is a long cat and being held by me specifically those hands are how I draw my mc skin. I wanted to draw him as this meme since 2021 but he's very hard for me to draw so I took the one time I'll ever draw him and did this.

Jimmy is. a creature. that has bird features but also cod features bc again half of the plot of sunbringer is based on empires 1. Also the bird he's holding is singing. And joel is stealing the song bc he has music type magic.

Scott! Is the one guy I can talk about! Because he already appeared in the fic. He's part ender dragon and like. a child of stars? I have a lot of times I drew him before I think but idk how much of it I uploaded before so yeah. Please ask me about sunbringer scott smajor he's one of the only ones I can talk about and he has so much lore going for him he's so dear to me

impulse is. technically part ender dragon too? the specifics will be explained in his chapter of yhiwu (alongside. a lot of magic lore. like a lot. I have half that speech written already it's basically looking the empires fic in the eyes and going "fight me uwu")

And because impulse is aligned to shadows skizz gets to be some form of light dragon descendant? Like light isn't directly an element in the magic of this universe but it does have an equivalent in the element of Life, which connects to truth and love, whereas shadows and theatrics (and storytelling in general) is always aligned to whatever element is considered dark; in this magic system, being Void.

Tango is looking up at mumbo. thats all. I don't have a lot of notes because my tango is just a little guy.

(Etho is checking smth on his smartwatch and also doing his best to ignore bdubs rn bc bdubs is in his villain arc/hj)

... ngl the only note I have on the bdubs design is that it's accidentally inspired by my human design for the main character in the show I'm writing. Bracelets and sparkly eyes and a t-shirt and. Crimes.

also not much on the cleo design she was just fun to draw but the implications of her existence are spoilers and also not really visually indicative bc idk what a "zombie hybrid" would look like so she just looks. funky. her background is all stitched together btw I finally had a use for the dashed lines brush :D

martyn and ren are. BIG spoilers. But only to like chapter 5 of the current fic. I will say I highly enjoy their existence tho. Also my ren designs always have hawaiian patterned shirts its a personality trait he seems to possess. Also his glasses are like. a hologram? bc his ears are Dog so he cant have normal glasses w like. the things that go behind ur ears.

lizzie is. also very important. she gets the two animals thing like jimmy bc axolotl and cat were her empires animals. also her buns are heart shaped I saw some fanart of that and its really cute so I also have that. and she's also looking at the long mumbo! very confused.

bigb. scares me. like yeah secret life really be mans villain arc. I tried to reflect that by actually straight up mirroring his eyes and having him be. the only guy looking straight at u. he can see u. u can run but u cant hide. also he gets cookies. also also drawing facial hair is hard he's the only time I ever managed to make facial hair look. normal. ever. wont happen again.

gem is being adorable and also definitely a deer hybrid dont mind the magic or stuff its fine (her chapter is. third in the roster. I literally just need to finish the impulse chapter to convince myself that its ok to upload her immediately after ch2).

and pearl! who we know bc she gets first chapter of the fic and thats already out. her eyes are a bit like moons btw. also she's doing magic back at gem which is cute I think. idk.

also half of them have fancy hair shines. like joel having beans that get progressively smaller. or pearl having moons. :D

[torialefay]

this may be kind of an unusual question so feel free to ignore it, but i tend to make lots of links and associations of concepts/situations with music and stuff and so i'm curious, what are some songs that you'd pick to describe what it would be like to be in a relationship with chan? or some songs that suit his placements (for example, i think work song by hozier is peak scorpio venus devotion level haha)

okay i LOVE this question!!! (also currently in a hozier phase so i love that you brought up that song.) if you have any other recs, pls send them my way, but here's some that had come to mind:

✨🎶 Dating Channie Sounds Like 🎶✨

the friendship/relationship stage:

i don't think it's just me who thinks that chan is gonna have to know & be friends with someone before progressing to a romantic relationship. i think he could definitely pine over someone for a while and be too scared to say anything. and then if something DID happen between the two of you, you would have to hide it for a while. that's why i chose these 2 songs :)

• human - dodie ft tom walker ✨

• hush hush - the band camino✨

actual committed relationship phase:

• medicine - royal sugar ✨ this gives me such new-relationship, pent-up sexual tension vibes. this man would not be able to stop thinking ab you sexually when you first get together... 100%. sex w/ him is likely initially more fun, like in this song, but once he gets to KNOW you, it gets wayyyy deeper

• tenerife sea - ed sheeran ✨ this one might be a cop-out bc chan has sung it multiple times on channie's room but i couldn't NOT put it in here. moving past the superficial, this song paints such a new, mesmerizing love story. you are elated you finally found your person.

• mess is mine - vance joy ✨ i'm sorry but the lyrics "this body is yours and mine" & "now your mess is mine" is so channie-coded to me. he is offering himself up to you. anything you want from him is yours & he will take on all of your hurt

• fire and the flood AND lay it on me - vance joy ✨ these were just so all-encompassing, i couldn't not include them. you become the most consuming part of his life. he quite literally can't go a day without thinking of you and how fucking attached his heart is to yours. you are his everything and only thing. "i always feel you in my blood" & "your love's always finding me out."

• until you - ahi ✨ this song isn't as relevant NOW, but it really throws me into a pre-debut channie love story tbh. bless his little heart 💔 i couldn't NOT include it bc it's still beautiful.

• anointed - miguel AND religion - lana del rey ✨ these have the same purpose, so i'm including them together. when channie is truly in love with you, he won't fuck you- he fucking worships you. well, you worship each other in the bedroom. and i feel this a million times. he needs something deeper and he needs to feel consumed in it. praising each other until you physically have no stamina left in your body.

tough times/drifting apart/ fights:

sorry but i had to include a couple of angsty songs i could totally see playing out in a relationship w channie </3

• fleeting love - royal sugar ✨ i 100% see this song being about your struggles with a long distance relationship. not being able to work anything out, but also not being able to let them go. "in the elevator with your passport, goodbye is 10 floors down." you just want him so badly, but you don't know you can do this. you werebso happy to have him, even if just for a little bit.

• berenstein - the band camino ✨ chan always talks about alternate universes, so i had to add this one in. the line "at another place in time, you were infinitely mine," it makes me think so much about if you were perfect with channie, and you both knew that... but you simply couldn't be with him because of his idol life. but you knew that somewhere out there in a parallel universe, he wasn't an idol, and you were together like you were meant to be :((((

bonus song:

this song reminds me SO MUCH of chris. the first time i heard it, i instantly thought of him. it isn't a love song by any means, it just makes me think of him && his life ❤️

• time's eyes - riley pearce ✨

if anyone has a song they automatically think of with channie, pls pls pls let me knowwww!!!

[white-poppie]

⎯ I’ll be lovin’ you right ♡ (m.atsumu x reader)

SYNOPSIS: The playboy of your high school, Atsumu Miya apparently has a thing for you. After having rejected his advances, Atsumu is 'heartbroken' (quotes intended). Seeing his melancholy, his brother Osamu tells you to give him a week to prove himself out of the playboy image. Can Atsumu prove his adoration towards you being pure without any other intentions in seven days a week? SONG REC: 'Seven' by Jungkook GENRE: FLUFF, long fic WC: 2.1k WARNINGS: sad sumu agenda, heights, it might seem wonky on Monday and Tuesday, but it gets so much better ୨୧ A/N: I AM SO TIRED I CAN"T ANYMORE!!! *dies dramatically*

You rejected Atsumu Miya last Friday.

The taller blonde stood in front of you in his gym clothes. The jersey #05 in white stood out from the rest of the maroon uniform.

You looked at him blankly, as he had been beating around the bush for the past few minutes. You were hungry; it was lunch. But, as a matter of habit, you were curious. Too curious for your own good. As he continued to talk, he became increasingly vague. You wanted to understand what he was trying to say, but your hunger took over, and you were losing patience.

“Atsumu, I am sorry but I don’t really get what you are talking about. How is Suna looking through your phone relevant?” You say with a pinch of annoyance in your voice. Atsumu sighs and takes a deep breath.

“My bad...what I mean is…I like you and everyone teases me for it 'cause I act like an idiot around you.” You are always an idiot is what you want to say but you purse your lips and look at him quizzically. Is he seriously confessing to you because he dislikes being teased by his team?

“I am sorry but I don’t think your feelings are sincere, Atsumu san,” you say respectfully. “I am sorry.” You feel like he is only confessing to you out of a desire to fit in with his friends and avoid their teasing, rather than out of genuine affection for you.

Atsumu frowns and nods. It’s not something he is used to, but he doesn’t protest even if it really hurts his ego. You sigh as you leave the gym, almost feeling sorry for him. If it weren't you, it would be someone else.

On Saturday, you meet Osamu at the supermarket. Awkwardly standing at the cashier line, the grey-haired Miya smiles softly at you and nods in acknowledgement. The air is heavy with tension as both of you silently pay for your groceries.

"Y/N," he says, and you pause in your tracks, about to leave. "Can we talk?" It's a dreaded notion that you nod at. You follow Osamu out of the market with your grocery bag in one hand as you approach a bench on a kid's playground.

Osamu sits next to you, his back leaning on the rest casually as he tries to muster the softest voice possible in his Kanto dialect.

“Heard ‘Sumu asked ya to date him…” he says solemnly. You freeze at the sudden statement and nod apprehensively.

“M not saying this cause he’s my brother, but Atsumu…he is a nice guy; his reputation is quite wrong from how he actually is.” He says and you almost have to double take, wait…Osamu is supporting Atsumu?

He interlaces his fingers and looks at the ground, “I’ve never seen him as serious about someone as he is for you, and the whole team notices it.” He pauses, “Atsumu is cocky but easily embarrassed when teased about stuff like this, he made a premature decision to have confessed to you.” 

Osamu takes a deep breath before speaking next, "Y/n I am asking you for a favour…I want you to give Atsumu seven days to prove himself.” Your eyebrows scrunch at his words, and before you can interject, he speaks again.

“I know it’s not the best idea, but I know him and as much as I enjoy Atsumu being sad, I know he’ll soon enough be miserable ⎯ because that’s how men are, they lose their chance with someone and then develop stronger feelings for that person causing it all to hurt more.” He says and pauses, “it will impact his career to Y/N, not that I am saying that you’re responsible for him, but just stating things.”

“Give yourself some time to think and text me if you are for giving him seven days to prove himself. Let me know tomorrow.”

On Sunday, you spend most of the morning staring at your ceiling. Pondering what Osamu said You know deep down that he wouldn't steer you wrong, and you have seen how sincere Osamu is in his opinions.

You take a deep breath and send a quick text to Osamu.

"I'm in."

And thus started the mission: to make you fall in love with Atsumu Miya in seven days.

Monday

You sigh as you close the door of your house behind you, only to find Atsumu standing right in front, his schoolbag on one shoulder, and the trademark Atsumu grin on his face: "Morning, Y/N!"

Your eyebrows scrunch at his sudden joyful declaration, "Morning." You reply, and then it hits you: How did he know where you lived?

"How do you know my address?" You ask in bewilderment, and he grins sheepishly.

"I asked my way around; I wanted to pick you up, so I left at 5," he says proudly, and you just stare at him, unsure how to react. The intention was sweet, but does he realise how creepy that is?

You smile awkwardly and nod, walking towards school as Atsumu follows you like a duckling, humming a 00's song. As vexatious as it might be, there was something oddly endearing about Atsumu's unconventional way to win you over, like a pathetic wet kitten.

"Y/N?" he says as you look towards him. "Wanna grab lunch after school tomorrow? I have practice almost the entire day today." You hesitate for a moment, unsure if you should accept his invitation. The thought of spending more time with Atsumu both intrigues and scares you. "Sure, why not? Lunch sounds nice." 

Tuesday

 On Tuesday, you find yourself anxiously awaiting lunchtime, your mind filled with a mix of excitement and nerves. As the final bell rings, you make your way to the designated meeting spot, hoping that Atsumu will show up. And sure enough, there he is, standing by the school gates with a mischievous grin on his face.

"I know a good ramen shop nearby," he says, and you smile while walking with him. As you enter the small, cosy restaurant, the aroma of savoury broth and freshly cooked noodles fills the air, instantly making your mouth water. Atsumu confidently orders for both of you.

The order arrives, and you take a bite of the hot noodles, your eyes instantly widening in delight. "Holy this is amazing; why is this place so underrated?" You gasp, and he chuckles at your words as if you are the most adorable thing in the world.

You almost blush at his gaze before it hits you, its a challenge for him. You are a challenge to him. There's a dull pain in your chest as you keep eating your ramen. The more you eat, the more you can't help but wonder if Atsumu's intentions are genuine. Is he truly interested in you or is he just looking for another conquest? 

Wednesday

You notice that Atsumu is ignoring you completely today. He doesn't even acknowledge your presence when you walk into the room. It leaves you feeling confused and hurt. You try to brush it off, convincing yourself that maybe he's just having a bad day. But deep down, you can't shake off the feeling of being used and toyed with.

The school ends, and you are walking to your home before you feel your hand being grabbed. You turn around in panic and see Atsumu, his eyes softening at your distress as he realises your hand. 

"I want to talk to you," he says softly. his eyes, filled with genuine concern, melt away any resistance within you. 

"Okay," you reply, finally feeling ready to address the mixed signals and confusion that have left you feeling hurt.

"The way you were looking at me yesterday made me think that you were misunderstanding my intentions here." He says and takes a deep breath, "I genuinely like you, YN. I am not stupid. I can see your confusion. Do you really think I am that bad of a person?"/ The vulnerability and hurt in his voice are almost making your heart ache. "No," you reply softly, meeting his gaze. "I don't think you're a bad person. I just... I've been so confused, and I didn't know how to interpret your actions."

"Why?" he asks.

"Because you play with hearts, and I didn't want mine to be another casualty," you admit, your voice wavering. "But seeing how vulnerable and honest you're being right now, I can't help but reconsider." Emotions swirl within you as you take a moment to gather your thoughts. "I want to believe that you genuinely like me, but I need reassurance that I won't end up getting hurt." 

Atsumu smiles at you, reconsidering, and says softly, "It's one week, right? It's not even halfway; don't you know I am full of surprises?"

Thursday

"Come on, it'll be okay!" He says as he grabs your hand and runs to the school roof with you, your lunchboxes in hand.

"What if someone catches us?" You say in panic. 

Atsumu looks at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes and laughs. "Who cares? We'll worry about the consequences later, if there are any."  He says and settles on the ledge, patting the spot next to him for you to sit on. 

You gingerly open your bento as you two eat and Atsumu rants about his practice, occasionally stealing a bite or two from your box You can't help but laugh at Atsumu's playful antics, feeling the stress of getting caught dissipate. As he swipes another bite from your lunch, you playfully scold him, but secretly enjoy the exchange. 

You take a deep breath, feeling the adrenaline rush through your veins. As you gaze out at the sprawling cityscape before you, you can't help but feel a sense of freedom and excitement. In that moment, you realise that maybe taking risks with Atsumu isn't such a bad idea after all.

Friday

Atsumu sits in another row, leaning back on his chair, big and burly, his hand resting on the chair's backrest as he chats with his friends, his obnoxious laughter filling the room as you wait for the teacher.

Atsumu momentarily looks at you, and his eyes soften. A small grin is etching its way on his face, and he waves playfully at you. You got caught looking.

The class soon starts, and the teacher begins the lesson. About half an hour later, you feel tapping on your shoulder. You look back as the girl behind you gives you a small chit, pointing towards Atsumu, wordlessly, the author of the message.

You unfold the tiny piece of paper underneath your desk, preventing any onlookers with their perverse gazes and loud mouths.  "Whatcha looking at?" You huff at his lame attempt, a slight warmth blooming on your cheeks as you contemplate your response.  After a moment of hesitation, you take out your own pen and scribble a reply on the chit, "Not you."

"Ouchie, baby, you've hurt my feelings."Atsumu pouts, making an exaggerated sad face, as he pretends to wipe away imaginary tears as he hands the chit back to you.   You chuckle softly at his antics as he sends another chit. "We have a match on Sunday; be there." You raise an eyebrow at his invitation. "Only if you promise not to show off too much."  Atsumu grins mischievously, accepting the challenge with a nod.

Saturday

Most of Saturday goes around with you frolicking around your house, getting over your chores. You decide not to text Atsumu, knowing that he will be busy with practice, but you find yourself mulling over him more than you'd like. As the day goes on, you find yourself checking your phone more frequently, hoping for a message from him. 

You groan as you flop on your bed and take a deep breath. "Here goes nothing."

How's [delete] That's too informal, right?

How is practice going? [delete] No, that sounds so plain. All those assignments about real-life talking versus texting articles were right; it's so difficult to detect tone!

Hey! [send]

How is practice going? [send]

Okay better. You sigh as you keep your phone on the stand and groan to finish your work. BEfore you hear a ping sound and immediately run over to the phone.

Atsumu: +1 photo

Your heart thumps as you open it. Its a selfie, Atsumu grinning like a child, his hair sweat and face flushed, with the caption: "grinding! 💪🔥"  In the background, you can see a low-quality Osamu photobombing, his hands on his waist, and you can't help but giggle. He'll be okay.

Sunday

On Sunday, you find yourself standing outside the gymnasium, nervously adjusting your bag strap.  As the doors swing open, you step inside, greeted by the sounds of sneakers squeaking on the polished floor and the echo of volleyball spikes as a warm-up.

You shift on your feet in front of the gate before Suna spots you, a fox-like grin on his face before he turns towards his teammate.

"Oi, Atsumu, your lucky charm is here," he says in a teasing voice, and you can't help but flush ever-so-slightly.

"Shut up, Suna." Atsumu groans lowly as he looks up from his stretching routine without breaking his stance, his shirt hiking up slightly as he smiles at you before walking towards you. 

"Hi," he says softly, as if he was almost expecting you to not show up.

"Hi," you mumble.

"I didn't think you'd actually come," he manages to say, his words coming out in a breathless whisper, and you can't help but smile. You look back briefly to see the entire team grinning at the two of you silently.

Atsumu looks back, and you swear you saw his cheeks redden. "Scram!" he says, his voice breaking, and a few of the members can't help but snort at the sound, especially Osamu.

"Sumu, the game boutta, start," he calls his twin as you see the other team lining up.

Atsumu looks back at you with a slight pout on his lips. "Cheer f'me?" He asks softly, and your heart thumps. Atsumu hates when his fangirls cheer for him. You give Atsumu a warm smile and nod. "Of course."  Is this what Osamu was talking about? You are special in his eyes? 

The game begins with an intense match, with both teams clawing at each other's throats. But amidst the chaos, you can't take your eyes off Atsumu. But it's fierce; you can see Inarizaki losing hope after the first set, and you can sense Atsumu's frustration rising. Set one over, and Inarizaki is behind. You see the players huffing and groaning in disappointment as they go to the bench to strategize and relax. You keep observing Atsumu from the audience, noticing how his brows furrow and his jaw tighten with every passing moment. Despite the mounting pressure, he never loses his focus. As the second set begins, their strategy still doesn't seem to be working, and Atsumu and Osamu seem livid.

Amidst the chorus of shouts, you can't help but scream, "Atsumu! You've got this! Stay determined!" Surprised, Atsumu lifts his head and locks eyes with you for a brief moment before a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips. You silently vow to always be his biggest fan, both on and off the court.

He tightens his grip on the volleyball, channelling all his frustration and energy into each powerful serve. With every swing of his arm, the ball slices through the air, landing with a resounding thud on the opposing team's side of the court.  The tension is palpable; you keep praying for him as he strikes, misses. Team strikes, team misses. Just one more, and before you can register it, the final spike is delivered by Atsumu. The crowd erupts into applause. 26-28. Inarizaki won.

The team erupts into what seem to be roars of victory, and you can't help, but smile widely when you watch Atsumu pat his teammates before Kita pats his back and points at you, saying something you can't hear. Atsumu nods at him before he runs towards the crowd, and your heart starts thumping. In your mind, you are squealing as loud as his fangirls when Atsumu leans over to the boundary right in front of you as he smiles at you, and you smile back with the same intensity for the first time.

"How was I?" He says, and you can't help but lean forward and hug him tightly. His eyes widen at the sudden embrace, and he freezes before hugging you back in his arms, all sweaty, and almost lifting you up from the audience. Atsumu looks into your eyes, his face twitching with nervousness, before he leans and captures your lips in a kiss. His breathing is shaky, and you flush before returning the kiss to his quivering lips. The audience is filled with mixed reactions, but they are silent and gasping for most

When you pull away, you look back and see all of Inarizaki hooting and clapping loudly for you two. The kiss turns both your brains into mush, and you realise that Atsumu is capable of "loving you right."

© white-poppie 2023. all rights reserved. do not repost, modify, or translate without permission. do not claim work or layout as yours.

— HAIKYU!! - Fanfictions

TAGS: @denkis111, @jazzylove, @lordmypantsaresocool, @futuristicallykawaiiturtle,@rintaroubby @nanaseishiro @innerpurple, @cleaningfairylevi @ynjimenez, @the-queen-of-sorrows, @prettypei

PPL WHO ASKED TO BE TAGGED IN THIS FIC (temp tags, lemme know if you wanna be added to my permanent taglist): @kyoung-jin, @qualitygiantshoepsychic, @kryzi, @snazzyturtles, @juicyorphan123, @akidev, @selfconcitedslut, @amecchii

﹒ Taglist   (lmk in the comments in case you wanna be added and the link doesn't work!)

psst, hey, over here! Uhm hi :) Do you like reading? If so can you please check out my first novel? I am a 15-year-old author who needs support, I assure you it won't disappoint! It's okay if you don't buy, it would be enough to share the link with someone else who might be interested! I humbly request you support my career as a child author by purchasing my book. This would help me to write more books in future. “Of Vengeance and Ashes” -> BUY NOW!!!!

Also Check out: L'appel du vide (✔️) (Synopsis: Your husband, Hanma Shuji is dead! With no memories of what transpired two days before his death, you team up with Tachibana Naoto, Chifuyu Matsuno, Ryuguji Ken and Mitsuya Takashi, you go on a journey full of betrayals and twists. Can you find out what really happened to your husband? )