#but that's dependent on if i can get the nausea to stop lol

[orcelito]

I may be a little bit manic

[storiesofsvu]

Derek Morgan Couple's Headcanons

Derek Morgan x reader warnings: language, minor smut references mentioned, also this is completely unedited or re-read so bare with me lol

Gives nose/forehead kisses

Derek. You can’t tell me this man isn’t the happiest with a partner, little dopey smile on his cheeks, hands on you whenever he can, every moment he can. He’s gonna be kissing your cheek/forehead/nose every opportunity he gets, every time he walks passed you in the kitchen he’s quickly wrapping an arm around your waist and pressing a kiss to your cheek. He always does it as a way to say hello and goodbye, a quick reminder of how much he loves you when he doesn’t have time to say it all.

Gets jealous the most

I think that goes to you. He’s a good looking dude, he’s a charismatic dude, flirty when he doesn’t necessarily mean to be, that’s just who he is. He loves you, like, when that dude is down bad, he’s down *bad* and doesn’t even look in the direction of other women, it just kinda comes off naturally that way. You know all of this, and aren’t insecure about it, but it still irks you. It also sucks how much he’s away for work but he always comes home to remind you just how much he loves you and how you’re the only person for him, even if that takes all night long.

Picks the other up from the bar when they’re too drunk

This one can go either way. Derek doesn’t drink too much past a drink or two, especially out of the house. But every so often he will go out with friends and have one too many beers and those are the nights he’s so extra affectionate, loving, all over you when you show up to pick him up. He’s showing you off to all his friends, boasting about what a babe you are and how perfect you treat him over and over again until you have to clamp your hand over his mouth and tell him to stop.

Takes care of on sick days

A bit of both, but more so you. Derek’s usually pretty tough and can take care of himself, but the moment he’s come down with the flu? He’s absolutely done for. He’ll always try to power through, only to be shoved back to the couch/bed by you as you tell him that he’s burning up, remind him how nauseas he feels and that he’s not going anywhere. Once he realizes just how shitty he feels he’s a mopey little puppy who needs the utmost care and to be doted on all day.

Drags the other person into the water on a beach day

Also Derek! While he can enjoy sitting in the sun for the start on a beach day, he’s like a rottweiler, he needs enrichment and activities. So he’ll likely hop up after an hour or so, jogging into the water, swimming, surfing, making friends with literally everyone, playing a few rounds of volleyball or another sport. Hell, he’ll even jump in and help the crowd of kids with their sandcastles, lugging barrels of water back and fourth from the water. So you bet he’s absolutely dragging you down to the coast and even if you’re screaming bloody murder, he’s tossing you into the waves over and over again until you’re a fit of laughter.

Gives unprompted massages

Hm.. this one goes to Derek. Same as the first one, he can’t keep his hands off you. He loves to show his love through physical affection, and won’t hesitate to grab your hands, legs, feet or shoulders to give you a little massage to help you relax. If you’re complaining about being super sore from the gym you better expect the full Derek Morgan experience that includes a massage bar/oil and definitely has a happy ending.

Who drives? Who rides shotgun?

Derek drives 90% of the time.

Brings the other lunch at work

Depends on what you do for a living, but when he’s working from the office at Quantico you usually make the time to swing by at least once a month to surprise him with lunch. It’s mainly on the days he either forgets to bring it with him or when he just assumes they’re going to catch a case and then they don’t. He gets a little hangry when he doesn’t eat and rather than him (and the team) suffer, you’ll bring something in.

Has the better parental relationship

Both of you? Correct me if I’m wrong but he seems to still have a decent relationship with his mom, right? Lol. Either way, both of you are happy to make yourselves a new family of your friends and whichever family members are still around and in your good books.

Tries to start roleplaying in the bedroom

Derek starts it unintentionally. He already does the whole “baby girl” and nicknames things with friends, and that defs slips into his romantic lives as well. Little sayings, jokes and teases go both ways, and they stay mainly jokes until someone’s eyes spark in just the right way and the two of you officially know what you’re looking into that coming weekend.

Embarrassingly drunk dancer

You. Derek’s smooth, even when he’s drunk. He knows how to sway around and work his hips no matter how many beers he’s had it’s still hot somehow.

Still cries watching titanic

Derek.

He’s a soft boi with a lot of emotions underneath all that muscle and we’ll let him be.

Firmly believes in couples costumes

Neither of you. And derek thinks the entire idea, (Halloween or not) is completely ridiculous and pretty lame/embarrassing until the two of you have kids and suddenly he’s BEGGING you to do it. (and like, this is before the kid can even walk, they’re still in a carrier and derek’s insisting the three of you all match)

Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas

You. While Derek’s all about showing off his love, his gifts are more personal, they’re meaningful, and from the heart, but not necessarily expensive.

Makes the other eat breakfast

Look at this man and tell me he doesn’t follow a meal plan. LOL. He will always have some kind of breakfast, even if it’s just a protein shake. He doesn’t always have the time to make you breakfast, but he always makes sure to have a box of Eggo’s in the freezer and if he’s gone for work when you wake up, he’s sending you a text to make sure you eat at least one of them

Remembers anniversary

Both of you. But he might need a little hinting, and he’s not always going to be there for it. He’s going to remember, and the moment he has some free time and a brain cell to spare instead of thinking of the case, he’s going to feel the guilt of not being there and he’s gonna make sure that he makes up for it. Whether he’s sending flowers, making sure you have take out, or taking you out once he gets home, you always know you’re loved

Brings up having kids

This one could go either way. I don’t know if canon ever really had him talk about kids before he had one, but he was always good with them. I think he was someone who was hesitant considering his own childhood, but also wanted to be a dad so that he could prove to kids that there was a good world out there and that they could go places. I could easily see him wanting to foster/adopt and help out kids in struggling situations, so that could likely come up on his end. I don’t see having or not having kids being a dealbreaker for him, if it happens, it happens, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t, but once it does he’s even more smitten than he ever could have imagined.

________

@lovebishoplosamiguelgalindos @mysticfalls01 @barbasbodaciousbeard @sia2raw @dxtery @alexusonfire @bumblebear30 @haarrrys @clarawatson @fandom-princess-forevermore @kylieramey @alexxavicry @leelizzzle @evilregal2002 @rosaliedepp @disneyfan624 @supercriminalbean @happenstnces @onmykneesformarvel @niyizh @tommyriddleobsessed @kmc1989 @irishavengersassemble @louderfortheback @ivyflowers13 @silversprings-mp3 @elz-artzzz @speedynana @hanbower @boimlers-gonna-boim @nachofriess @khxna @tinyprettyangel @cx-emerald-cx cx @momily @moonlightjxuregui

[aria-ashryver]

heyoooo it's ur friendly local biohazard, just having a quick health check in under the cut!

(don't listen to my lies when i say "quick", it's never quick haha)

look at me being all worried about being late to see my doctor when he's away on vacation anyway and I had to chat with a different oncologist lol

So! I haven't really done any ✨Kicking Caesar's Kneecaps✨ chats in a while, so this is me just checking in!

So far my chemo journey has gone

3 months of weekly chemotherapy and hormone antibody treatments

1 month off (bc of peripheral neuropathy damage)

restarting the chemo regime at a 25% lower dose, with the expectation that I'll be needing an additional 3 months (today would mark one month since I restarted!)

BUT HEYYYY guess who has two thumbs that don't work anymore and an increased sensitivity to peripheral neuropathy!!!

(dark humour is dark?)

ok, it's not quite that bad yet. Yet being the operative word unfortunately.

For those who don't know, chemotherapy can effect the peripheral nerves in your body -- for some people, this means damage to nerves in the hands/feet/wrists/arms that can sometimes be permanent.

Not everyone gets nerve damage, and some get it worse than others.

I just so happen to be one of those lucky chumps with sensitive nerves!! While the month long break from chemo certainly helped reduce the intensity, the nerve damage in my hands is definitely spreading again.

What was initially just a bit of numbness/tingliness in the tip of my right thumb has since progressed into;

constant numbness/tingling sensations in my right thumb down to the heel of my thumb

static sensations across both palms and all of my fingers (which fortunately comes and goes)

occasional shooting nerve pain up my right arm, all the way from palm to armpit

extreme nerve sensitivity when I bend both of my wrists

tendon pain in both hands if i overexert myself

which is all kinds of not fun! And also goes a ways to explain why it's so damn hard for me to write at the moment! lol.

The doctors have therefore made a decision to pause my chemo for another two weeks, which is good in the sense that they are hopeful the break will halt some of the progressing nerve damage, but also lowkey infuriating because I would really like to get off this goddamn ride, you know?

Depending on how things go, my treatment plan might need to be changed again, so that I am getting less chemotherapy every week over a long period of weeks

which, like... 😑🙃🙃🙃🙃

...i just wanna be done with this, you know??

in happier news, all the other symptoms are calming down a little bit -- I haven't needed any anti-nausea meds in a few weeks, I'm not getting as many nosebleeds, the muscle pain and spasms seem to have stopped, I'm a little less fatigued -- there's still a whole host of shit going wrong, don't get me wrong, chemo still absolutely SUCKS ASS, but I'm really grateful that I've been able to get a decent nights sleep for the first time in months this past week 🥰💖

I also needed to get some urgent scans last week (I had some weird symptoms I'd never seen before and they were worried about potential fluid retention in my heart -- heart damage is the other big-concerning-possibly-permanent-damage thing chemo can bring about), but as it turns out, my body was just being a little bitch and my heart scans look good!!

i guess the tl;dr of this whole thing is just chemo blows and my hands are broken, but my heart isn't which is great, my sprit isn't, which is also great, and overall I'm feeling a hell of a lot better this week, despite being annoyed at the fact that I might have to do chemo for longer than i expected

here, have a sign I happened across on my walk to get a blood test yesterday. fitting, no?

if you are here reading this, i'm wishing you light and joy and love 🌻

[itsays]

woah ok so. oversharing ahead. 

ever since my psychiatrist brought up quitting my meds i cant stop thinking about it. i’ve thought long and hard, i really wanna quit. i’ve experienced so many side effects throughout the years and quite honestly it’s a pain in the ass. it’s so inconvenient and it messes up everything. if i go out at night, i cant take my meds because you’re not supposed to mix them with alcohol, when i get back, i have to wait to somewhat sober up to take JUST my sleeping pills because otherwise i cant sleep at all. at some point, i had to take my meds while eating or my nausea would be too bad, if i went anywhere i had to go carrying around my meds and not that meds are hard to carry around but it’s still annoying, especially if you’re eating with other people, i dont feel like explaining im on different psychiatric medications, sure i can say i have cramps or something but even that is already annoying on its own to have to lie. honestly, the thought that i straight out cant function without them makes me feel trapped, stuck, like im dependent on them BECAUSE I AM. it’s so annoying and i wish it could just go away and never have to worry about it again. i hate my meds and i hate that every time i’ve gone without them i end up back at the psychiatrist and not even taking myself but with my mom dragging me there like a child because i wont get out of bed and she’s so worried. i cant even take care of myself when things get bad it’s so annoying i just wanna be an adult and i CANT!!!! without my meds the wires in my head just go crazy something unscrews. and when i think about how he says im stable and a functional adult, i was shocked. what’s functional about me? i quite literally cant do any adult things. sure i have a stable job, i buy my own stuff. what else? i have nothing else going for me how is that functional. the level to which im behind in life compared to people my age is crazy. im 26 years old and have the life experience of a 16 year old. i never grew up after that and i would give examples of all the things i never did because i never left my room but man what if someone’s actually reading this lol i do nothing i have no life experience, no friends, nothing. my whole life is working, watching tv shows and sleeping. that’s all i ever do. i havent been to the movies since 2018 havent been to the beach that’s 20 minutes away since 2019 i went out drinking twice in a whole year. i literally have nothing going for me how is that functional? anyways i want to quit my meds but im scared to lol

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

oooh! how are different poisonings treated? like ingested chemicals, deliberate poison in food, or like that one mushroom on the ground that looked tasty

Okay, I’ve put this one off a little too long (sorry lol).

(Long post ahead)

…

So I’ve researched a little, and found this:

Ingested Chemicals

- If someone suspects they’ve been poisoned and seek out medical help, the doctor will usually perform a physical exam, then order a blood test, or a toxicology test

Ingested chemicals:

It depends on the kind of chemical. For instance: Household bleach isn’t as basic (meaning “the opposite of acidic”) as industrial-strength bleach, and therefore does less damage — only irritating the gastrointestinal tract instead of burning right through it. But if anyone drinks either of them, Poison Control should be contacted.

Here is some general first aid:

- If the chemical ingested also emits toxic fumes, take the person outside

- If the chemical ingested causes skin irritation, get it off of their skin, and wash their hands, mouth, etc. with water.

- If the person is conscious, give them water to drink, to dilute the chemical. (Though, if the chemical they ingested reacts with water (sodium, cesium, lithium, rubidium, potassium); maybe don’t do this… They might explode.)

- Also, if the chemical is especially acidic or basic; for the love of everything that is holy, do NOT try to neutralize it with the opposite pH. Please don’t. I beg of you. Though, if you have an incompetent caretaker who thinks neutralizing it is the way to go, this could make for an interesting whump opportunity… Just be sure to write it correctly.

How it is treated in the hospital:

Depending on the type and severity of it, ingested chemicals can be treated by giving the person activated charcoal to drink, by pumping their stomach, or possibly by means of medication.

- Activated charcoal works to stop the absorption of chemicals into the body, much in the same way as charcoal filters work: the toxins bond to the charcoal molecules.

- Activated charcoal does not work in the case of corrosives (acids and bases, like lye, bleach, gasoline, etc.); nor does it work with ingested alcohol. It does, however, work with pills. How do I know this?

Because I picked up (but fortunately did not eat) a pill off of the floor as a toddler, thinking it was a Tic-Tac, and carried it to my mom. I was taken to the hospital and made to drink activated charcoal. It tastes awful; and it will give you black diarrhea for a few days after. 0/10; would not pick up a “Tic-Tac” again lol

Also, here’s a couple interesting articles:

Bleach

Acetaminophen

…

Deliberate Poison in Food

There are a lot of poisons and poisonous plants; so I’m not gonna do all of them; because the antidotes vary from poison to poison.

But here are some links:

Arsenic

Belladonna, which some people apparently use as medicine???

Cyanide

Hemlock

…

Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger…

MUSH-MUSHROOM

Ahaha… ancient memes, my beloved.

Anyway…

Foraging! Rule Number One!

If it has gills:

Don’t. Eat. It.

But if it has gills, has red on it, is uncooked, is soggy, or smells bad, and your character did (like an actual idiot) put it in their mouth and start chewing; good news! It’ll probably taste horrible (bitter, sour, spicy/prickly, etc.) and they’ll spit it out before they actually swallow it.

But if they, by some chance, do end up eating it anyway; they’ll probably have stomach pains, nausea, dizziness, etc. Depending on how much and the type of mushroom they ate, they could either just feel awful and survive, or they could die.

Here is an article on it, and how it’s treated

[hxwks-gf]

*✧･ﾟ:* two little lines

bakugo x fem!reader

summary: surprise! you’re pregnant. wait, that’s not the only surprise...

warnings: pregnancy, descriptions of throwing up, swearing, mentions of alcohol

w/c: 2k 

request: I just read your Bakugou gets turned into a kid fic and it was so adorable, especially since he done well knew what he was doing( the brat lol) Anyhow I wanted to request either Bakugou( pro hero of course) reacting to the news that he and his female S/O are having either twins or triplets.

a/n: THANK U FOR SENDING THIS REQUEST IN, ANON!! i loved writing it so much, and soft bakugo is my fav bakugo. enjoy my loves!

“Katsuki, I really don’t feel well,” you said as you came out of the bathroom, wiping the sweat off of your forehead. 

Your husband looked up from the piece of his gear he was tinkering with. “What do you mean?” 

“I’ve felt really sick to my stomach for a day or two now,” you explained, sitting at the edge of the bed and closing your eyes. You could feel another wave of nausea coming over you at full speed. “Oh, God--” You clapped a hand over your mouth and ran straight to the toilet again, making it just in time before you violently puked the last remains of your breakfast into the porcelain. 

“Y/N?” he called from the bedroom. A few seconds later and you heard his bare footsteps on the tile floor. His warm hand placed itself on your forehead and pushed back your sweaty hair. “Hey, let’s get you to the doctor, alright?” 

“No,” you moaned into the bowl, “I don’t want to go to the doctor yet, it’s just the stomach flu or something. I just need to rest.” 

“Don’t be stubborn,” Bakugo growled, squatting beside you. He wrinkled his nose at the contents of the toilet. “Let’s go.” 

“I’ll make an appointment tomorrow,” you said, cracking open your teary eyes at him. He had that hard-set look on his face, the don’t-even-try-to-argue-with-me one. You had seen it enough over the last few years of your marriage. “Can you just take me to the store so I can get some medicine?” 

“Tch,” he grunted, rolling his eyes. “You’re crazy if you think I’m letting you out of this apartment in this state.” 

“Katsuki.” 

He tipped his head back and let loose an exasperated sigh. “Jesus, you’re going to be the death of me, woman.” 

You held out a hand and he helped you to your feet. He muttered incoherently while you got dressed, something along the lines of “--doesn’t know how to rest--” and “--never listens to me--”. After you were dressed, he at least made you drink some water before driving you to the nearby corner store. 

The fluorescent lights were harsh on your eyes as you perused the aisles with a basket in hand, mindlessly putting cans of soup, stomach medicine, and orange juice into it. Bakugo grumbled to himself a few feet behind you, hands shoved deep in his pockets. 

“I’ll be right back,” he grunted, and disappeared down the snack aisle, leaving you by yourself near the pharmacy. 

As you wandered down the rows and rows of medicine, looking for anything else you might need for the stomach flu, you saw something on display near the counter that made you stop and stare. 

“There’s no way,” you murmured, walking up to them and picking one up. You flipped the thin box in your hand and scanned the back for more information. When was the last time you had your period? On a hunch, you dropped the box into your basket and hurried towards the check-out before Bakugo caught up with you again. 

The cashier rang you up and bagged your items, and you felt another wave of nausea starting to build in the pit of your stomach. Thankfully, Bakugo rounded the corner empty-handed, and headed straight for you. 

“Got everything you need?” he said, guiding you out of the store. 

“Mhmm,” you absentmindedly hummed, trying not to think about the little box at the bottom of your bag. 

The drive back to the apartment was silent, as was the walk up. Bakugo offered to take your bags but you vehemently denied his help, giving him a string of excuses and making a beeline for the bathroom again. 

You locked the door and leaned back against the wall, sliding down until you were in a seated position with your knees brought up to your chest. You were scared. The plastic bag was staring at you on the floor, just waiting to be opened. With a trembling sigh, you pulled out the little thin box and opened the pregnancy test. 

Two lines. That meant pregnant, right? 

You couldn’t tell how long you spent staring at the little stick in your hands, or how many times you had read and re-read the little instruction booklet. 

Two lines. 

Pregnant. 

You licked your lips in anticipation and unlocked the bathroom door. You could hear Bakugo tinkering with his hero gear in the bedroom again. 

“You were in there for a while, are you okay--” His sentence was cut short when he looked up at you standing in the doorway, holding the stick in your hands. “What’s wrong?” 

“Katsuki, I’m pregnant.” 

The screwdriver he held in his hands fell out of his grasp and clattered to the floor. Within seconds he was getting up from the bed and gathering you in his arms, his chin tucking itself in the crook of your neck. 

“K-Katsuki?” you said, utterly surprised. 

“Are you being serious?” he said, voice muffled in your shoulder. 

“Of course I’m being serious.” You gently pulled out of his embrace, but he still kept you close. “Look. Two lines.” 

He looked down at the test in your hand. His own fingers reached up and wrapped themselves around it, his brows coming together in the center of his forehead. He stared at it so intensely without saying a word, you were concerned he had lost some screws. 

“Katsuki?” you said again, gently. “What...what are you feeling?” 

“I know I've never been good with talking about my emotions,” he said, his voice breaking with emotion. “But this--this makes me feel like the happiest fucker in the entire world.” 

With those words, the gate that held your own emotions in check completely shattered and you fell into a mess of happy sobs, excited laughs, and exhilarated kisses. You’re not sure when it happened, but the two of you ended up kneeling together on the floor, still holding onto the test like your lives depended on it, crying and laughing and kissing. The only other time you had ever seen Bakugo cry was the first time he saw you walk down the aisle at your wedding. 

“I can’t believe it,” he said, pressing his forehead against yours. “I really can’t.” 

“Pregnant,” you breathed, still in awe. “We’re going to have a baby.” 

“Listen to me.” Bakugo let go of your hands and cradled your cheeks, looking directly into your eyes. “I love you. You are not going to lift a finger for the next nine months, do you understand me, woman?” 

Fresh tears welled up in your eyes as you nodded. “I would expect nothing less from you.” 

“Doctor’s office. Tomorrow morning.” 

“Well, it sounds like you’re about six weeks along,” the obstetrician explained, pulling on a pair of clean gloves. “Let’s get the ultrasound going so you guys can hear the heartbeat.” 

You squeezed Bakugo’s hand excitedly. He sat beside you, watching the doctor’s every single movement like a hawk. She had you lean back and lift up your shirt to expose the little baby bump that was already starting to show. 

“Alright,” she said, pushing the scanner over your lubricated belly and watching the fuzzy screen intently. You had no idea what she was looking at, it just looked like big blotches of black and white moving around. “Oh--there we are!” 

This time, it was Bakugo that squeezed your hand with excitement. You looked over at him, seeing how focused he was on the little screen. 

“Oh, what have we here?” 

You whipped your head back to the doctor. “What is it? Is something wrong?” 

“Looks like you’ve got two buns in your oven,” the obstetrician said, pointing to the screen. “See that? Two heartbeats.” 

“T-twins?” you gasped, feeling Bakugo’s hand go limp in your grasp. “We’re having twins?” 

“Congrats, Mom and Dad,” she said with a grin, clicking off the scanner and cleaning the jelly off of your stomach. “Twins are much more common than you think.” She stood up and stripped off her gloves. “I’ll be right back with some paperwork for the pharmacy and give you two a moment in private.” 

As the door closed behind her, you looked at Bakugo. He was still staring at the little ultrasound still visible on the screen, his mouth slack and his eyes wide. 

“Honey?” you said, tilting your head. “Did you hear what she said?” 

“Twins,” he whispered in awe. 

Your face broke into a smile and you pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “Twins.” 

“So, what’s the special occasion?” Kirishima asked, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. 

“Get your feet off of there,” Bakugo snapped, swatting his friend’s feet. “Christ.” 

You chuckled, handing Kaminari and Sero each a beer. “It’s something we’ve been waiting to share with you guys for a couple weeks now.” 

“Are you not going to have a drink with us, Y/N?” Mina asked from the couch, holding up her glass of wine. 

Bakugo moved to stand beside you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. It was rare for him to be this affectionate in front of the rest of the group, but you knew he was too excited. They all looked at the two of you with confused and concerned expressions on their faces, waiting for whatever piece of news you had to share. 

Mina was quick. “Holy shit, you’re joking!” she squealed before you could say anything, kicking her feet excitedly. 

“What are you talking about?” Kirishima said, looking at her with his eyebrows furrowed. “Joking about what--” You could literally see the lightbulb turn on above his head. “Oh, oh! Oh my God, guys! Are you serious?” 

“Yep,” you laughed, patting your belly. Bakugo pressed a kiss against the shell of your ear. 

“Wait, wait,” Kaminari said, holding up his hands. “I’m lost. What’s going on?” 

“C’mon, dude,” Bakugo growled. 

Sero’s eyes looked like they were about to pop right out of his skull. “Congratulations, you two! I was wondering when it was going to happen. I almost had a bet going for it.” 

“A bet for what?” Kaminari whined. 

“Denki,” you said, giving your stomach another exaggerated pat. 

“Stomach?” 

“Yes,” you encouraged, nodding your head slowly. “And…? 

“And...oh, holy shit!” 

“There he goes,” Kirishima laughed, patting his friend on the back. He looked back to you and Bakugo with a grin on his face. “That’s amazing. How far along are you? Do you know the gender yet?” 

“Well,” you started, smiling at Bakugo over your shoulder. “That’s not all of it, exactly.” 

Now they were back in the dark again, Mina included. You took a deep breath and felt Bakugo’s arms tighten around you. “We’re having twins.” 

“Twins!” Mina screeched, jumping up out of her seat and clobbering you in an excited hug. 

“Hey, hey, easy,” Bakugo warned, hostility lacing his words. “Be careful with the mother of my children, alright?” 

A surge of warmth spread through you, all the way from the top of your head down to the tips of your toes. Mother of his children. It had a very nice ring to it, and hearing it from his lips only made it that much sweeter. You reached around and tenderly kissed his cheek. 

“Whatever you guys need, please let us know,” Kirishima said as he stood up and clapped a hand on Bakugo’s shoulder. “I mean it. Whatever you need. We’re all here for you.” 

“Thank you, guys,” you said, unable to hide the crack in your voice as a lump formed in your throat. Tears came not a second later. “I’m sorry, everything makes me cry nowadays.” 

“I don’t envy you there, Bakugo,” Kaminari said with a grin. “But I second what Kirishima said.” 

The rest of the evening was spent talking about possible baby names, planning the eventual baby shower, and anything else under the sun that had to do with babies. As you sat on the couch, nestled into Bakugo’s side and casually running a hand over your growing belly, surrounded by friends and loved ones, you knew that no matter what happened, you and Bakugo would be alright. 

You had to admite, the idea of having two little miniature Katsukis running around delighted you in a way that would most definitely frighten anyone else. 

[official-rolli-und-rita]

Tag 10 people you want to get to know better. @karometeenk thank you for tagging me!!! I love these!

Relationship status: single

Favorite color: idk. Probably green but it depends on the context. They're all nice in their own way :)

Favorite food: idk i like all kinds of food. Mostly, i like the food that i make lol. My mom sometimes makes this african stew with peanut butter and it's so good i will eat myself into a state of nausea before i stop.

Song stuck in my head: i need a hero by bonnie tyler (what else lol)

Last thing i googled: ok kinda depressing but i was just talking with my grandparents about ww2 and they mentioned that they knew this guy called Shmuel Gogol who survived auschwitz because he played the harmonica very well and later founded a children's orchestra in israel through wich we have a couple of family friends. I looked up Shmuel Gogol

Current time: 23:46. I should be sleeping

Dream trip: anywhere. I would love any place with even the tiniest amount of scenery because denmark is not great in that department. I need mountains and i need to get away from people with names like Bjørn, Pelle/Pille, Freja, and Thor

Something I want: nothing, desire is the root of all suffering. (But i think an unlimited amount of money would be nice, so i never have to work and can spend the rest of my life in a little cottage baking cakes and planting vegetables. I would like that. But that's like one of the few things i want so i don't think it's too much to ask, really.)

This was really fun!

I tag @abba-enthusiast (although i see karo has already tagged you), @bouquet-of-violets and @notgreengardens and @langernameohnebedeutung (only if you guys want to of course!)

[angstyaches]

This is trope anon from before :) It might be interesting to see Elliot put off feeling sick, because he is so caught up taking care of everyone else? He kind of strikes me as a worry about everyone else first kind of guy lol. Then absolutely regretting it later haha

If not Elliot, Ryan also kind of gives me similar vibes

CW: mention of disordered eating/malnourishment, trauma mention, overwork, nausea, emeto, dizziness, blood mention (he’s a vamp, so yeah), pining (for absent partner), platonic/brotherly caretaking

Author’s note: Elliott and Felix are going to be just FINE! They’re not even broken up; Felix is just a little AWOL after a fight they had. I just loooove me some angst.

Elliott’s vision went pitch black for a moment as he stood and waited for the kettle to finish boiling. His stomach lurched so harshly that he almost turned towards the sink, expecting the return of the blood he’d drank for breakfast. Instead, he swallowed, closed his eyes, and breathed in slowly through his nose. He was overexerted, probably. He’d been pushing himself during his and Shayne’s ritualistic “sparring” (or, as Shayne called it, “trying to kick the shit out of each other” or “therapy”) session. Elliott had hoped his supernatural abilities would have begun to manifest by now, seeing as his transition to full vampire was complete. But still, nothing yet. Maybe the stress of Felix being gone was stunting his development. Maybe the stress was adding to how bad he felt.

The kettle clicked, reminding him of why he was standing in the kitchen in the first place. Elliott’s heart sank as he recalled Shayne’s eyes rolling back in his head, his body almost hitting the ground before Elliott could catch him. Turned out the kid had been starving himself again. Elliott would have punched his lights out if they hadn’t already basically been out.

A minute later, Elliott picked up a hot mug and crossed the open-plan kitchen and living area to where he’d left Shayne on the white sofa. He was conscious now, at least, but his eyes were glazed and unfocused.

The mug contained hot, weak tea and a few spoons of the glucose solution Ryan had concocted for Felix’s blood-and-sugar lollipops. Back in the day, when Felix refused blood and couldn’t hold food down, Ryan had fed him the solution like this, and it had kept him from passing out. The smell was so strong that Elliott almost gagged, his body so delicate as to protest merely being in the presence of human sustenance.

Elliott tried to hand Shayne the mug, but his cousin’s hands were so shaky he almost dropped it immediately. Elliott took it back, trying to ignore the fact that his own hands weren’t exactly the steadiest. He brought the rim of the mug to Shayne’s lips.

Shayne made a face and pulled away as soon as he took the first sip. His hand went to his mouth, like he was considering spitting it back out.

“Swallow it.”

A shiver seemed to roll through Shayne’s body as he did. His eyes watered like he was about to cry. “That tastes like shit, El.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what you get for forgetting that you need to eat.”

“I didn’t forget I needed to…” Shayne mumbled. “I’m not stupid.”

“That’s extremely debatable. Drink.”

“I’m gonna be sick.”

“Drink,” Elliott said again, as calmly as he could, “or I’m going to get Ryan.”

The last of the fight went out of Shayne’s eyes. Elliott knew he didn’t want Ryan or Nancy to know things had gotten this bad again.

Victorious but not feeling it, Elliott brought the mug to Shayne’s lips again and again, letting him take small sips. At one point, he covered his mouth again, shoulders jerking forward as he gagged slightly. Elliott’s stomach flipped at the sound and he had to turn his face away until Shayne stopped. He didn’t usually puke from seeing somebody else do it, but he had a bad feeling that if Shayne threw up, he would lose it too.

Shayne shook his head when presented with the mug again. A tentative hand rested on his stomach. “I can’t, El. It’s so heavy.”

Part of Elliott didn’t want to yield so easily, wanted to make him finish the mug. He wondered what Felix would do, or how Charlie would have reacted to that pleading look. Elliott knew he wasn’t soft in the same way they were. He just hoped he wasn’t harsh.

He hoped he wasn’t frightening.

He swallowed against a swell of nausea in his belly. Whatever was gnawing at the pit of his stomach weakened his resolve.

“Okay,” he said, “lie down.”

Shayne gave a small sigh of relief.

Elliott took the mug back to the sink. White floor and wall tiles swayed all around him like he was inside the world’s most colourless kaleidoscope. He slowly breathed in through his nose, leaning on the edge of the countertop to try and introduce some form of balance to his body.

He’d extended the offer to Shayne, but honestly, lying down sounded like an absolute dream to Elliott, too. Maybe his body would stop freaking out if he got a little more rest. His sleeping pattern was completely thrown off, his mind raced in the middle of the night. Felix had star-fished across about forty different mattresses before choosing theirs, and while Elliott had acted like he didn’t care which one they bought, he had ended up agreeing that it was the best mattress he’d ever used. But sleeping there without Felix felt wrong, so his body had been rejecting it as much as physically possible.

Nowadays, he might as well have been sleeping in a wooden coffin like the stereotype dictated.

He turned around to check on Shayne, frowning when he saw that he was still sitting upright on the sofa.

“I thought you were going to try and sleep?”

“I can’t – I can’t,” Shayne whispered, lowering his head into his hands. “El, I – every time I try, I feel like she’s here. Breathing on the back of my neck…”

Guilt churned Elliott’s stomach this time. Elliott felt regrets like cobwebs sticking to his soul, and although he didn’t allow himself many, one of those cobwebs was the feeling that maybe he could have gotten Shayne out of Madelyn’s sooner.

“She’s not getting in here,” Elliott promised. “Ryan will have her head on a stick before letting that happen. Nancy will turn her blood into tar.”

“She doesn’t have to be here, El. She’s already here.” Shayne pressed a finger to either side of his head and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Jesus, I’m – I’m sorry, man.” Elliott laid a hand on his stomach, stifling a belch since he really didn’t need gas leaving his body to make this moment even more stressful. “What usually helps when this happens?”

As Elliot should have expected, Shayne gave a lifeless shrug. Alright, think, Elliott told himself, swallowing thickly. He’d never seen Shayne warm up to anyone until that day in the park when he’d been clinging to Charlie like his life depended on it. He liked to act tough (and who did he pick that up from, I wonder?), but really, Shayne just didn’t want to be alone.

He’d be lying if he said he couldn’t understand that feeling.

Elliott swallowed again, fighting the lump in his throat and the swirling in the pit of his stomach.

“Want me to sit with you?”

Shayne opened his eyes, looking genuinely surprised.

Elliott sank down on the sofa without waiting for a verbal answer. He hit the cushions a little too quickly for his stomach’s liking. It shifted noisily, semi-digested contents swimming around inside. “Now, if you think you can feel someone breathing on you, you can tell yourself it’s just me.”

“Ugh,” Shayne groaned, curling up on his side so that the top of his head was just next to – scarcely touching – Elliott’s thigh. “Do not breathe on me, man.”

Elliott smiled through his vaguely-concealed discomfort, glad that Shayne wasn’t facing him. “Afraid you’ll catch vampire cooties?”

Shayne didn’t respond beyond a soft groan that Elliott interpreted as “shut the fuck up, old man”. So even though he’d have loved to keep taunting his cousin and keep himself distracted, Elliott shut up, letting his neck rest against the back of the sofa and draping one arm up over his eyes. Lack of vision made the world feel a little less like the spinning drum of a washing machine. Elliott regretted dreaming up that metaphor, gritting his teeth as he realised his stomach felt like such a drum, too.

He was swallowing constantly, every few seconds now, chest tight with the effort of drawing slow, shallow breaths. It felt like the fibres holding his being together were frayed and left just shaky enough to throw everything off without causing him any actual, physical pain. Beneath it all was a tiny flame of anger; what the hell was the point in becoming a vampire if feeling unexplainably shitty at inconvenient intervals was still on the table?

An icy shiver ran down Elliott’s back, and he flinched where he sat. He slid his hand around the back of his neck and gulped another wave of saliva. Nothing was there, yet when he exhaled, he shuddered again. Shayne’s talk about Madelyn must have wormed its way into Elliott’s mind. Lord, he really was a mess.

He glanced down to make sure his sudden jump hadn’t disturbed Shayne. It was hard to tell if the boy was sleeping or just trying very hard to stay still. At least he didn’t seem to be panicked or shaking anymore. Elliott desperately wanted to stand up and walk around; moving and distracting himself would surely ease the building pain in his stomach, but he didn’t think he could get up without jostling Shayne.

Sucking in a breath and trying to brace his stomach for the move, Elliott shifted his weight on the sofa, cringing at how much the cushions flexed with him. He watched Shayne’s head, his breath still caught somewhere between his belly and his lungs. Another trickle of unpleasantly cool sweat ran down the back of his neck and his hands shook until he dropped the weight of his head into them. His elbows felt unbalanced on his knees. His stomach flipped, and he swallowed measuredly against its protests.

“El?”

“Yeah,” Elliott choked out, though he’d meant to give a friendly, open yeah? As in Felix’s chirpy Yeah, buddy? Are you okay? What can I do for you?

“Y’alright?” was all Shayne replied with.

“I’m good, yeah.” Upon tasting blood and bile, Elliott gulped again. “Just relax, okay? No one’s going to –”

Elliott jammed a fist against his lips in time to stifle a wet, shallow belch. The sound was so sudden and violent that his head shot forward, almost ducking between his own knees.

“Fuck,” Shayne gasped, scrambling upright despite the fact his eyes were barely open. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Elliott half-snapped, annoyance at himself manifesting as annoyance at Shayne. “I may have pushed myself a bit this morning, but I’m –”

He was once again cut off by a belch, this one rumbling up from much deeper inside him. His belly continued bubbling even after the air stopped being pushed up.

“El, I think you need to –”

“Don’t.” Elliott shook his head.

“Why did –” Shayne winced slightly and rubbed at his head. “Why didn’t you say you were feeling sick?”

“Because I was trying to look after you!” Elliott sighed into his hands. The tiny burst of frustration was dizzying on top of everything else. “Lord fucking knows you can’t take care of yourself.”

“Fuck you,” Shayne said back, though his voice was empty of any of its usual fight. “I’m – I’m trying, I’ve been trying… Elliott, just go to the sink!”

Elliott’s shoulders rolled as he covered his mouth with his palm, feeling a thick film grow over his tongue. He was tempted to swallow it down again but a cramp ripped through his gut, making all of his organs squeeze in defiance of him swallowing anything.

“Shit,” he somehow mumbled, sitting forward and pushing himself to his feet as Shayne pushed – weakly but with good intentions – at his back to help him up. Elliott sprinted across the kitchen tiles and flung himself at the sink, stars in his vision and blood in his mouth. He was unbearably dizzy as he heaved up what he’d drank that morning. At least it had been an animal-blood day, and he wasn’t watching mouthfuls of human blood pooling in the sink and trickling into the drain.

It was a waste, but it could have been worse. He choked on a sob, realising he’d never thought like this until Felix.

“Fuck,” Elliott gasped when something moved next to him. He hadn’t even noticed Shayne following him to the sink. “Christ. I feel awful… Why – why do I feel this bad?”

“You’re trying to force something you’re not capable of.” Shayne folded his arms and rested them on the countertop, eyes falling shut again.

Elliott spat bitterly towards the drain. “How the fuck do you figure that?”

“Because that’s my whole life summed up, El.”

Elliott gripped the neck of the tap and turned it on, directing the water around the sink to get rid of the mess he’d made. His head was spinning and his nerves still felt alive with electricity and just wrong in general, but his belly felt a lot better. He felt like he could breathe normally again.

“You okay?”

“I think so.” Elliott rinsed his mouth, running tap water into his palm and lifting it to his lips. It was cool, and soothing on his throat after the retching.

Shayne looked positively miserable as their eyes met. “What now?”

As he shut off the tap, Elliott brushed a wet hand across the back of his own neck, relishing the cold drip that started trailing down his back. He shut his eyes, feeling like he was ready to drift off to sleep on his feet, like a horse.

“Well,” he said, “how would you like to take a nap on a really nice mattress?”

[prompt-master]

THIS BITCH FUCKING DYING XD XD X'D

This is a lighthearted comedy fic, but I’m going to give a warning for mention/talks of suicide and death.

Now this may be a shocking sentiment to share; but being in a killing game fucking sucked, even if you were Momota Kaito. As ludicrous as that statement appears, heroes had a tough time in tragedy too. Kaito found himself feeling disappointed more often than he would like at the sight of his companions distrusting each other. How were they supposed to work together and escape if people were “scared” that they would be “murdered”?! Kaito believed in trust to the bitter end and he would see that philosophy through. To point the finger at others and accuse them of murder is simply what the mastermind wanted him to do, and if Kaito was anything he was not a loser.

But that’s part of what made his sidekick so incredible! No hero was complete without his supporting role! Of course, Shuichi was much more than a supporting role. In many ways he was the protagonist of his own world (Kaito is still the hero of this story, make no mistake). Even though Shuichi relied on the motivation of others to see himself through, he was probably one of the most capable men he’d ever met. His intinution and detective skills were essential to each trial when his thoughts weren’t fogged up by mental recoil. And despite his reclusive demeanor, he was a good friend to have that everyone wanted the best for. Shuichi was Kaito’s sidekick and it showed! For his sidekick had to stand on his own as one of the best!

...Well, maybe sometimes Shuichi didn’t have a leg to stand on because he didn’t look so dependable laying face-down on the ground. 

“Shuichi! Are you- what are you doing?” 

Shuichi was down on the ground in front of his Ultimate Lab with his foot stuck propping the door open. He didn’t lift his head up when Kaito called out his name, instead opting for a string of gibberish and raising one hand off the ground. 

“No, seriously. What are you doing?” Kaito propped the dizzy detective up against the wall, catching him as he nearly swayed back down to the floor in response. Kaito took note of his flushed face and unfocused demeanor. There wasn’t...booze in this killing game right? That would suck. A killing game and booze wouldn’t mix well. Although some may disagree and say a pint is just the pick me up after watching one of your friends be slaughtered.

“M-Momota-kun…” it seemed Shuichi was gathering his bearings again. He braced himself against Kaito by gripping his sleeves. 

“Alright, c’mon Shuichi. Let’s get you to the others. I’m sure they can help us out somehow!”

“Ah but...first things first…” Shuichi looked up at Kaito with a determined resolve in his eyes typically reserved for class trials. 

“If I die, it’s a suicide.”

Huh?

Huh?

HUH?!

WHAT?!

“Shuichi?!” Kaito shook Shuichi by the shoulders until he looked ready to pass out and keel over for good, “Why would you do that?! You have so much to live for!”

And Shuichi had the damn nerve to look exasperated by the panic, “Ack- Momota-kun please calm down it was an accident!”

“How do you accidentally kill yourself?!”

“Well it happens all the time really but-”

“That’s not reassuring coming from you! Just-” Kaito took a deep breath to steady his frustrations, “why the hell are you dying?”

“It’s- haha, well uhm, it’s a bit of a funny story you see-” Shuichi stopped his ramblings at Kaito’s unimpressed glare, Shuichi sighed and slumped over with a sense of shame and embarrassment, “I was in my lab familiarizing myself with the various poisons in case anyone tried to use one, but ended up dropping a bottle of powder on the floor and inhaling quite a bit.”

“T-that sounds pretty serious…” Kaito mumbled. “How do you treat a toxic inhalant?...How do I help you..? Just say the word and I’ll be there, sidekick!”

Shuichi closed his eyes and rested against the door. After a moment he said “At this rate, people will assume you killed me since you were with me all this time. So, to prove that it was a suicide-”

“Shuichi I asked how to save you not how to solve your murder.”

Shuichi tilted his head with a fog of puzzlement in his eyes, “...but solving murders is what I do?”

“Well don’t do it right now! I’m trying to prevent your death!”

“Hm.” Shuichi seemed to have to rethink his evaluation, but the situation hadn’t changed. “This is a killing game, Momota-kun. I don’t think surviving or saving is on par with the course of action the mastermind planned out.”

“W-well if there’s a poison, there’s an antidote right?”

Shuichi shook his head, “No, there’s probably enough materials to make one, but... I’m not a chemist.”

“Let’s ask Iruma to make one then!”

“She’s not a chemist either.” Not to mention Shuichi didn’t trust any sort of edible concoction Miu put together. He wasn’t sure what she would create, but he did know it would make him want to die even faster.

“Ok then, let’s ask Harumaki!”

“Wh- Momota-kun, Harukawa-san kills people!”

“Yeah, so maybe she knows how to unkill people too! I’m pretty sure she can do basically anything.”

Shuichi, with his head now in his hands, decided that it would be easier to simply go along with Kaito’s antics. His body felt weak and gross and his head was splitting, which was a shame because in all honesty that powder had smelt nice. If only it didn’t leave his lab in need of a quarantine. It could’ve been a good candle scent. Or perhaps Shuichi was just veering into delirium. Dying will do that to you. 

He was definitely veering into delirium because one moment he was staring down at his hands and the next he was being carried by Kaito. The worst part of it all was that it didn’t match his daydreams of being romantically carried bridal style by his crush. Instead he was a heavy sack of dead weight plopped against Kaito’s back trying to keep his nausea down as Kaito descended a set of stairs.

“Wh-what’re you doing?” Shuichi mumbled upon realizing that he couldn’t remember Kaito’s plan. If he had one.

“We’re going to get you help!” Shuichi thought it was a pretty bad idea. It would just make the trial even more confusing and he wouldn’t be able to clarify since corpses don’t make for good witnesses. Even if he wanted to voice that though, he ended up in a nasty coughing fit that left him gasping for air.

“Dammit!” Kaito hissed out, “If only Tojo was still here!”

That Shuichi agreed with. If Kirumi was here she would somehow manage to create a cure even though that was absolutely not in the job description of a maid. Her backstory concerned Shuichi quite a bit.

“There he is!” Kaito yelled out, picking up his pace from a light jog to a full run.

“We’re...w-w’re going to ask him for help...?” Shuichi mumbled, before letting out a loud groan, “no, that’s okay...j-just let me die then.”

“Oi Monokuma!” If it weren’t for the imminent danger that would result from it, Kaito would be throttling Monokuma until something broke. “You have to help Shuichi, dammit! Give him a cure or some shit!”

Monokuma tilted his head, looking up at Kaito with pseudo-innocence, “are you stupid or something?”

“Wh-” Kaito nearly lost his anger in confusion, only for it to come back tenfold, “you have to help him!”

“No I don’t, lol.” Monokuma shrugged, “I think the bastard dropping dead would be great! Honestly any of you mistakes would do, he’s not special or anything.”

“He’s our detective!”

“Yeah, you lot are screwed without him, huh?” Monokuma let out a cackle, curled in on his stomach like Shuichi dying was the highlight of his day. “Sounds so beary hopeless to be without a protag, huh! Man we’ve lost two protags in one show, that’s a new record! Someone write that down, I want a medal!”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about…” Kaito shifted Shuichi higher up on his back, ignoring the mumbles in his ear of what evidence to use in the trial, “but don’t start planning yet! Shuichi isn’t dying on my watch!”

Monokuma nodded, “yeah, you are stupid.”

“Fine then I’m going to Harumaki! She was my first plan anyway since you’re so useless!”

“Useless?” Monokuma’s voice wobbled, his head tilted down like a child being told to apologize for wrong doing, “and after all I’ve done for you too...I don’t have to provide you lot with food and shelter, you know.”

“Ahh shut up! We don’t have time for your weird feelings!” 

The world became another dizzying blur as Kaito ran off yet again. “Don’t worry Shuichi! I’m taking you to Harumaki! She’ll have everything figured out!”

---

“You inhaled a toxic powder from your lab?”

Shuichi nodded.

“And you’ve gotten no treatment this entire time?”

Shuichi nodded.

“How are you not dead already?”

Shuichi shrugged.

Maki sighed and pinched her nose, wondering how the hell these two idiots got themselves into such a mess, “Saihara, I always thought if you were going to die it would be from murder and not from some bullshit like this.”

Which was a fair assumption really. Being the detective among them, the group learned to rely on Shuichi’s deductions to solve the murders. Without him, there would be a lot of chaos that the killer could use to trick everyone. Wait. Why has no one tried to kill Shuichi again? Shuchi couldn’t tell if he was a lucky man or not, but considering he was currently dying on his crush’s back it’s safe to say he leaned towards unlucky.

Maki turned to Kaito, glaring at him in a way that said she wanted to help but the situation sucked to do anything, “what exactly do you want me to do about this?”

“Save him, of course!” “I’m not a doctor. I’m the opposite. I kill people.” 

Shuichi wished desperately that he could say “I told you so”

“Look Harumaki, we can’t just let him die like this! We’re his friends so we have to do whatever we can to help him! Not just for us, but for Akamatsu too! She wanted him to live!”

Harukawa’s steel glare seemed to melt a little at that.

“So we need a plan!” Kaito said, “and the plan is to save Shuichi!”

“That’s not a plan, that’s a goal. And it’s a stupidly impossible goal too.”

“Nothing is impossible!”

Shuichi wondered if he could just close his eyes and die to avoid all the yelling he’s had to endure today. 

Another voice joined the conversation with a loud cry of “what’s impossible!?” It was none other than Iruma Miu, confidently placing herself into the scene when no one asked her to. Kiibo was with her, following at a much slower pace with an expression that screamed second-hand embarrassment. With her hands on her hips and a smirk on her face, she ensured all parties had their eyes on her before speaking again.

“Because this hard-headed freak is right! Nothing is impossible with my beautiful plump brain around! What is it you’re looking for? A new way to pull off a fictional r18 move? I knew you three were depraved, but don’t worry Mama Miu has got it covered-”

“No, you idiot.” Maki cut her off without a drop of sympathy. Shuichi didn’t have any sympathy either though, so really it was just relatable. “Saihara is dying.”

“Eh? What?” Miu’s voice fell into a submissive whimper. She curled in on herself and fiddled her hands together. “That doesn’t sound good…”

“Yes dying is usually not good.”

Kiibo worriedly hovered near Kaito, trying to get a good look at Shuichi, “is he ok?”

“No. Because he is dying.”

Miu seemed to have panic in her eyes, “he can’t die! Not yet anyway! Who killed him huh?! Who’s trying to escape?!”

“Iruma!” Kaito ignored her questions, “you can save him, right?! He was poisoned, and you always say that you can do anything!”

“I-I mean yeah I can but… but I don’t know anything about biocompatibility... I honestly just put things in the body and hope it works…I would need more time...”

“Then what about you Kiibo?! Maybe you can...I don’t know- analyze the poison and come up with a cure!”

“My algorithm doesn’t do that...I could do a Google search if we were given WIFI access though...”

“Dammit does anyone have an idea to save Shuichi?!”

“Oh! Oh!” Miu raised her hand, “I’ve seen people induce vomiting in movies to stop poison! That’ll work, yeah?!”

Maki, realizing that this conversation was going to draw out far longer than to her liking, pulled out a chair and sat in it, “first of all: do not do that. Second of all it was an inhalant. I don’t think that will stop his lungs from shutting down any time soon.”

“I know!” Kiibo turned to Miu with a determined look, “Iruma-san! Repurpose my wiring so that my hands function as a defibrillator!”

“Did you not hear what I just said?” Maki asked.

“Well it might stop Saihara-kun from dying if his heart stopped!”

“There’s nothing we can do.” Maki stressed, “we just have to lay him down, monitor him,, and hope he lives” 

“Harumaki that’s the same as giving up!”

“Hey hey!” No. God dammit. Sure, let’s keep complicating the dialogue. Shuichi was having a very bad day. Could this poison just finish him off already instead of leaving him on death’s doorstep? Fucking rude. Ouma Kokichi, hearing the glorious sounds of frantic arguing, skipped over to the group with a peachy look on his face.

 “What’s wrong with you all? You’re acting like somebody died.” Kokichi did a dramatic gasp, covering his mouth with his hands, “did someone die?! Did someone finally kill Keeboy?!” 

Kiibo stopped debating with Miu to give Kokichi an unimpressed look, “seriously?”

“Nishishi- yeah, I guess that would be too lucky.”

“Can you take something seriously for once in your life?” Maki glared, “because somebody will die if we can’t figure this out. Saihara inhaled a toxic powder and we aren’t sure how much time we have left to save him.”

“Ehh?” Kokichi’s face turned from confusion to worry. He’d clearly thought Maki was messing with him until he saw Shuichi’s half conscious body draped over Kaito looking very much like a victim of poison. Just as quickly as his expression changed it turned into an over exaggerated ploy they’d all seen a million times. His eyes filled with tears, his lip quivered, his nose started to sniffle. With a hiccup in his voice he began to whimper, “one of you guys is trying to kill my Saihara-chan?! I thought you all were preaching about friendship and trust and ending the killing game!”

Kokichi tilted his head back as he fell into a full on sob. A loud childish ear-breaking wail resounded as tears poured from his eyes with practiced ease. “You guys are so awful!” he yelled in between his sobs, “how could you do this?! Saihara-chan can’t die!”

“Would you shut the fuck up, flat ass!’ Miu yelled. 

And just like that Kokichi’s sobs had turned off. A complete 180 from his previous demeanor. It was like he hadn’t cried at all. His eyes weren’t red and puffy, his nose was dry, and his body was relaxed and poised. He stared camly down at his fingernails, examining them as though this situation was nothing more than a slight inconvenience to his day. “I’m serious, you know. I would never joke or lie. Saihara-chan can’t die, this game wouldn’t be the same without him.”

Kaito nearly asked Kokichi what he meant. Did he care about Shuichi? Did he care about their survival? Was he finally coming around? 

“Oi Monokuma!” Kokichi yelled. Monokuma bounced into the scene as though he was on Kokichi’s beck and call. “Hey did you know that Saihara-chan is dying? Like right now? And we’re all just watching that?”

Okay. Maybe he wasn’t starting his redemption arc then. Maybe he’s still the same piece of shit Kokichi.

“Ouma, what are-”

“Of course I know! It’s pretty funny, huh Ouma-kun?”

Kokichi laughed along with Monokuma, as though they were cut from the same tree. But then suddenly he was back to that semi-disappointed demeanor. “Yeah. Saihara-chan is dying. And doesn’t that really suck? This game is going to sooo be terrible without him. In his trial I bet we’re all going to die because these morons can’t think without him. You know that too, don’t you, Monokuma? WIthout Saihara-chan your show is going to be cut off in this most annoying and unentertaining way. Ahhh I can’t believe this is how the game ends. After all that build up too. I don’t think I even want to be a part of this any more honestly. I’d much rather pig breath die.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

 Monokuma seemed taken aback by Kokichi’s analysis. He pondered it for a moment, nervously looking around and imagining all the lovely executions that would go to waste if Shuichi died right now. With a sigh he pulled out a very suspicious bottle from-...actually where did he pull that bottle from? Not important. What was important was that there was finally a cure in front of them, the one they’d been asking for all this time.

“Give him this and the brat should be good as new!” and with that Monokuma popped away.

Kokichi, holding the vial, smiled brightly at the others, “Here you go! Don’t let Saihara-chan die again okay! I don’t care if any of you others do but Saihara-chan is very special m’kay?”

…

…

...

“So you mean…I really could have asked Monokuma for a cure?! The bastard was just lying to me!?”

[jawritter]

Together

Request: Hey! Can I request a Jensen x reader where reader is pregnant. Plot is like can you write experience in like 3rd or 4th month? Everyday Jensen stays with reader in bathroom when she had morning sickness. Then goes with her for vitamin shots. Reader panics in the doctors room, so doctor lefts so that Jensen will calm her down. He stays with her through full experience, then time gap and direct delivery room experience? Where reader curses Jensen but they have a son and everything's lovey again❤️

Warnings: Angst I guess? Stressed Reader, Reader in labor, shameless misuse of pregnancy and labor terms probably, even though I’ve had two kids I’m no doctor. lol. Language, fluff, I think that’s it. 

Word Count: 1867

Beta’d by @deanwanddamons! Thanks so much hun!! ❤️

A/N: I hope this is okay anon!! It’s a little different from the request, but that's the way I saw it in my head lol. Every pregnancy is different guys! This is a fictional one shot! Not everyone needs the things the reader had to have in this fic! Also it doesn't matter how the baby gets here! Moms are power, strong, and awesome beings who deserve to be treated like the Gods they are!! Feedback is gold guys! Let me know what you think! Hope you all enjoy this one!! Flashbacks are broken off in sections, and in italics!

Want more? Check out my masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

“Okay, calm down Y/n,” you say to yourself as you pace the floor of your bedroom, waiting on Jensen to get there so that you could go to the hospital. Your phone is held out in front of you, the contraction counting app on your phone informing you that your contractions had in the last hour gone from 7 to 10 minutes apart, to 3 to 4 minutes apart. 

You had already called your doctor, and they said it was a good idea for you to go ahead and leave for the hospital. The only problem was, Jensen wasn’t there yet, and you were starting to panic.

He was filming late tonight. Even though he said in the text message he’d just sent that he’d be there in 10 minutes, you could feel the worry grip you tight in your chest. 

10 minutes…

That’s at least two, maybe three more contractions on your own without him.

They were getting stronger in length and intensity, to the point where you had to breathe through them, and also had to stop your pacing. 

You could already feel the beginnings of the next contraction. The uncomfortable tightening in your stomach letting you know it was coming, increasing in discomfort as the contraction peaked.

You tried to remember the breathing exercises you had learned in the birthing classes, and you knew that the contractions were only going to get a lot stronger, that this was just the beginning. 

You wanted to try and have a completely natural, drug free delivery.

Well it seemed like a good idea at the time, but as the strongest contraction you have had so far peaked , you were starting to rethink the whole epidural thing. 

Picking up your phone as your contraction started to ease up, you pressed the pause button on your phone counter and hurriedly dialed Jensen’s number, needing to hear his voice more than anything else right now. Your anxiety gripped at you tighter and tighter with each passing second.

“Baby, I’m on my way, five more minutes and I’ll be there, just hang tight okay.” Jensen’s voice came through the speaker, calm and deep as always. The man had a resolve of fucking monk, and it got under your skin in ways you couldn’t even describe at the moment.

“That’s not fast enough Jensen! This baby is coming, and I’m here by myself, so fuck you, and don’t you tell me to fucking calm down!” you yell at him through the phone, hormones and adrenaline making you a little more snappy at him then you had ever been in your life.

“Babe, easy, don’t stress out the baby. I will be there in plenty of time. The bags are already packed, and waiting for us in the car, all we have to do is get in it and go. Everything is going to be just fine! Have I ever left you alone throughout this whole pregnancy? You're gonna be just fine sweetheart, I’m almost there.”

He was right, and you knew he was. You instantly felt bad for yelling at him. 

He’d been with you through everything. 

When the morning sickness didn’t let up in the 3rd month, but instead stretched on in the fourth month he was right there…

-------------------------

Closing the toilet seat you flushed away the evidence of your morning sickness, and leaned your head back against the cool, porcelain of the bathtub next to you, taking deep breaths through your nose, trying to stave off the next wave of nausea that was already pulling at your senses. 

“Easy sweetheart, deep breaths,” Jensen said, as he sat down on the tub, running his fingers through your hair, gathering it up and pulling it up into a ponytail for you, before placing a cool, damp rag on your face.

“They said the second trimester was supposed to be the good trimester Jay! All this morning sickness was supposed to be over by now!!”

You were not only sick, but frustrated . This pregnancy had been hard, and this was the sickest you had ever been in your life. In these moments, it was hard to keep sight of the goal, which was a healthy baby and just soldier through it. Especially when the sickness had lasted this long for you.

“Remember what the doctor said? All these pregnancy symptoms, the morning sickness, the headaches, the fatigue, it’s all a sign that the baby is healthy and growing. We got an appointment for tomorrow to check on everything.  Right now, let’s just get something in your stomach so it will settle. I’ll go grab some crackers. That seemed to help some yesterday.”

-------------------------------

Jensen stayed on the phone with you until he got there, and true to his word everything was packed and ready to go. 

He even had a towel on the seat waiting for you, just in case your water broke. You hadn’t even thought about that.

The ride to the hospital was quite uncomfortable, but it was nothing compared to the next 20 hours. 

When you got to the hospital, the contractions were 3 to 2 minutes apart, they decided to keep you, since you were four centimeters dilated, and you were 100 % effaced. 

From that point on, the contractions became almost intolerable, and just when you thought you couldn’t take anymore, they got even worse.

The only problem was you weren’t progressing. 

You were still at 4 centimeters. The baby was still very high in positioning, and it just wasn’t going anywhere. 

You had tried everything. Walking as much as you could, sitting on a birthing ball, peanuts pillows between your legs, everything. Nothing had helped!! 

Now the doctors were talking about things that just weren’t in your birth plan. Epidurals, possible c-sections… Things you just didn’t want to do. 

You were upset, you were exhausted, and you were angry, especially at Jensen.

“Baby girl, you’re so fucking amazing, and taking an epidoral will help not only you, but the baby rest as well. If your body can relax you can progress without the help of pitocin, and hopefully avoid a section.”

“Fuck you Jensen. You know this is not how I planned for this to go! How can you just suggest I just give up! You know how I feel about needles.”

There it was. The real reason you hated the idea of having the epidural. Your irrational fear of needles.

“Baby girl. Remember when you got really, really sick during this pregnancy? You had to go have those vitamin shots? They helped didn’t they? Baby, this will help to.Please, I don’t like seeing you in pain.”

Looking into his jade, slightly bloodshot eyes from exhaustion, you could see he was telling you the trust, that he was genuinely worried about you. He’d not slept any in over 48 hours, combined with work, and now this labor dragging on. Still, he never once complained.

Your mind drifted back to those vitamin shots he was talking about, and he was right, they did help.

------------------------------

“Mrs. Ackles, you're going to have to stay calm.  It’s not that bad of a shot, I promise you. You will barely even feel it.” 

The doctor was quickly losing his patience  with your hysterical state, and you could tell , but you people just don’t understand what it’s like to fear something so completely, that you can’t see past it the way you did about needles. Your anxiety didn’t help you either. 

“Let me talk to her.” Jensen said, coming over to your side, and wrapping his arms around as you buried your face into his shoulder, body still shaking with the fear that was gripping you.

You heard the door to the room close , and you felt Jensen’s lips brush the top of your forehead. His strong hands rubbing up and down your back in an attempt to sooth you.

“Baby girl, it’s gonna be okay. This will help you, and the baby. If you're not well, the baby isn’t well either. He depends on you to get his nutrients. You both need this. It’s one little pinch and that’s it. Then you will feel so much better.”

“I know Jay. I’m just terrified, and I can’t calm down.”

Jensen tightened his grip around you, one large hand coming down over your stomach. A comforting, grounding weight in the midst of all your anxiety induced confusion.

“I’ll be right here the whole time.” 

You heard the door open, and the doctor and nurse reentered the room.

“You just keep your face buried where it’s at, and it will be over before you know it. I’m not going to let anything hurt you, and I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

“Okay.” you finally agreed to let them give you the vitamin shot. Burying your face closer into his shoulder, and breathing his scent in deeply. 

----------------------------

The vitamin shot did help, and it wasn’t even that bad. 

Your fears at the time were irrational, and you knew that was the case now.

It didn’t make you any less of a woman to have an epidural. It didn’t make you weak, or any less of a Mom, and you knew that. It was just your fear. 

But Jensen was here, and he would always be here. Even though you had been hard on him, he was right here, and you knew he’d protect you with everything in you.

“Okay, okay, let’s do the epidural.” you said, almost in defeat. Jensen’s lips came to meet yours in a quick peck. Relief evident on his face. 

“Okay baby girl. Let’s get you some relief.”

----------------------------------

The epidural wasn’t as near as bad as you thought, and it did allow not only your body to rest and progress, but also for Jensen, as well as you, to get about three hours of much needed sleep. 

You were even well enough rested to go through the whole process of birth a little clearer, and not in as much pain. The two of you bringing your little miracle man in the world together. 

Jensen never left your side throughout the whole delivery, and even now that he was here, sitting as close to you as possible with his arm thrown around your shoulders, holding the both of you as you nursed your new little miracle. 

“You did it sweetheart. He’s perfect.” Jensen said, placing a kiss to the top of your head, lingering there longer than needed.

“No Jay. We did it together, and I’m sorry I was such a bitch during the delivery,” you told him, resting your head against his shoulders. 

Jensen’s deep chuckle next to you made you smile a little, as he remembered some of the things labor made you say to him.

“If we ever have another one, I’m wearing a cup just to be on the safe side.” 

You had never felt so close to him in all of your life. This had brought you both into a deeper level of love and respect. One that you didn’t even know existed. 

No matter what you had to face raising this baby boy, you’d do it the way he came into this world. 

Together. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tag List: @screechingartisancashbailiff​ @thecreatiivecorner​  @aflamboyanceofgays @vicmc624​ @busy-bee-angel-misska​ @justanotherwinchester​ @deanwanddamons​​ @imabitch4jensen​​ @rvgrsbrns​​ @bi-danvers0​​ @onethirstyunicorn​​ @i-love-superhero​​ @akshi8278​ @alanegaming @magssteenkamp​ @lemondropirwin​ @squirrelnotsam​ @hobby27​ @spnbaby-67​ @mrsjenniferwinchester​ @defenderrosetyler​ 

[emsartwork]

SO! the other season 4 transformations because they wouldn’t fit with believix but it’s probably better this way because they’re ethereal magic and that’s kinda wonky

Sophix, Amorix, and Aterix (its labeled as Thanatix in my magic master post for some reason?? way to space out on your own transformation name brain), the gifts physical appearance, and Nabu and Duman in Aterix because plot reasons.

The three gifts are grown/formed somewhere in the golden kingdom, and can be used every 300 years but its usually up to the members of the golden kingdom(and the ethereals themselves obvi) when to put them out into the world. They’re classified somewhere between a magical item and a magical substance, acting almost like drugs to a persons magical core. Much of what is known about their formation is recorded in the dairy of Jak Anthebanak, an ambitious wizard from Lynphea who, through some extreme experimenting, grew vines into a portal to the Golden Kingdom. He had very little time to study or note down anything there but the glowing stone circles in the back garden of the main castle seemed to be similar shapes to the gifts and he theorized they slowly emerged from the stone or the stones built up enough power until the gifts could be formed. The ethereal who found him thought the little man was a riot and sent him back alive and unharmed, but with his memory wiped and the portal plants destroyed, only the scribbles in Jak’s field journal survived. 

Each gift actually has only enough power to transform 1-2 people, but I drew the girls in all of them because ~*fashion*~. The gifts act as a layer over whatever the affected person is wearing at the time of use(so the girls transform into believix and then use the gift, if they didn’t transform first the gift would just slightly change their normal clothing). The users’ main color changed but their core color/s remain or are added to the outfit.  And each gift has lasting effects on the user so the winx have to choose wisely who should use each gift so sophix: Bloom and Tecna Amorix: Musa and Stella Aterix: Aisha and Flora

Sophix: also known as the gift of wisdom. it seems to govern plant, water, earth, animal, and some weather magic. I mentioned the gifts act like drugs, and the closest comparison for Sophix would be a combo of marijuana and LSD. Sophix slows a person’s magical process down and allows them to see and join with the connected elements of the natural world around them, it also suppresses more volatile emotions. It kind of almost turns them into a plant in a weird way. attack magic isn't super strong but defense is a little better. The lasting side effects are pretty serious, the user will experience increased depersonalization, short term memory loss, nausea when eating or drinking, difficulty moving, muscle weakness, and sometimes respiratory issues(like randomly stopping breathing or the lungs feeling smaller that kind of stuff). Bloom and Tecna are some of the least “Nature” based magic users, so they volunteer to use Sophix as its theorized people who use a lot of magic that contradicts the gift’s powers they’ll have less side effects. This is primarily why Flora and Aisha were immediately banned from using sophix by the rest of the winx lol. Flora is basically already a plant and Aisha is 1/4 merm so they didn’t want to mess with their more complex biology.  

Amorix: Also known as the gift of heart. It governs temperature, fire, ice, crystals/gems, wind, and human emotions. The drug comparison for Amorix is stimulants(cocaine, meth, etc) with a touch of MDMA/PCP.  Amorix hypes a person up and polarizes their body temperature(cold in the middle and hot in the extremities) it also intensifies their emotions and empathy. Attack magic is very strong and defense is p low.  The side effects after are chills, hot flashes, intense and sudden mood swings, tremors, aggression or violent behavior, cardiac trouble, and transference(taking on other’s emotions as their own to an unhealthy degree). The choices for who used these depended on who would have the most issues with cold. Musa is tiny, and Stella relies on a certain about of sunlight(ie warmth). Bloom and Tecna both come from colder planets, and their body temps protect them.  Aisha and Flora could have also used these but for plot purposes I decided they couldn’t. (Roxy is also protected from the cold automatically by Aurora tho at the time nobody understands whats going on with her lol) Bloom’s fight with Nebula is just straight up dragon fire and rage babey no gift needed.

Aterix: also known as the gift of memory or the black gift. Aterix is the least understood of the gifts but it seems to govern colors, dark/light, pain/numbness death or decay, sleep, and memory. The (very loose) drug comparison are opioids(heroine, morphine) and rohypnol/ketamine, unfortunately with out some of the pain relieving effects. Aterix is also the only gift that can technically effect four people, but you have to have the Ater(the gifted, the person actually using the gift) and the Thrane(the person the gifted uses the aterix spell on). Aterix feels a little bit like swimming, the gifted’s motions aren’t actually slower, but everything feels like it’s slowed down. Their vision is improved, seeing colors and shadows in much more detail, their memory is also heightened to an almost photographic level. Unfortunately they can sense any physical pain around them as if it were their own. The gifted’s emotions are also subdued, as they are receiving so much physical and mental stimulus that area of the brain kind of shuts down. Side effects for the gifted are vision issues, insomnia, narcolepsy, muscle cramps, shooting pains, loss of sensation, intense flashbacks to any trauma, memory loss, and sometimes brief comas. Side effects for the Thrane are either they return to death, or they remain resurrected, in constant physical pain and apathy, lost in memories, confused, slowly moving, never sleeping, never eating, and kind of just miserable. 

Timeline changes: So in my version, Flora returns with the Specialists and Duman to Gardenia, she tries to heal him, but his magic is too unstable and the whole fight thing happens, Duman is killed, but he mentioned something about the wizards’ schemes before he died, leading Flora to accept Aterix, and pull him back to life. She compels him to to tell them all what the plan is and then they all rush off to Tir Nan Og. Nabu, as the only practiced male magic user, absorbs all the magic being used to create the vortex, he is unfortunately unable to expel the magic fast enough causing his core to break and Nabu dies. Aisha is understandably distraught, and uses Aterix, trying to get him back. In the commotion the Wizards manage to grab Duman and Flora after they realize they’re connected. and escape to Omega. As things die down Nebula holds her whole rebellion and stuff, and the Winx realize Flora is missing. Aisha is trying to interact with Nabu, and is in denial about his state of suffering so she defaults to anger and joins Nebula in hunting the Wizards down. Meanwhile, the wizards have managed to force Flora to de-transform, leaving Duman in his resurrected state. The winx free Morgana who promises to care for Nabu, and they pursue the fairies and the Wizards to Omega to rescue Flora and talk Aisha down from murder. Flora isn’t considered a threat by the wizards so they just kind of leave her to freeze, but she’s found by the winx and they manage to talk Nebula and Aisha down and the wizards are frozen for eternity(including Duman). Aisha, still in Aterix, returns with a clearer head, and recognizes she can’t leave him in a constant state of suffering, so she removes the Aterix spell from Nabu and returns him to his natural state. 

If your wondering why Daphne could be revived but Musa’s mother and Nabu can’t be, it depends on where the spirit is. Daphne was still barely alive when Faragonda transferred/tied her spirit to the Sirenix source. Daphne’s original physical body “died” when her spirit left it, but her spirit was still in this realm. Bloom’s Sirenix wish created a new body based on Daphne’s perception of herself and tied Daphne’s spirit to that in season 5. Musa’s mother’s spirit has long left this realm, and Musa wishing her back would not only be wrong according to the natural world, but its basically magically impossible. Musa would end up with a cheap, mutated, imitation of her mother, lacking memories, personality, and any real “humanity”. Nabu’s spirit left his body. Aterix has power over memory, so it brings back the person’s brain and they can appear to really be back fully, but its painful, unstable, and feels wrong, to both Ater and Thrane since the person isn’t really back. Sorry if this is confusing lol.

[bitchloveskcbaseball]

Drawn to a Flame

Pairing: Logan x Charlotte Wheeler

Summary: Logan and Charlotte go for a short drive that ends up being so much more. Set shortly after the ending of Stitches

Warnings: Just a bit of cursing and very brief references to a car crash.

Disclaimer: Logan belongs to Pixelberry.

Word Count: 3364

A/N: This is my piece for @rodappreciationweek Epilogue Day. Just as with the first part, the name for this came from Shawn Mendes’s song Stitches (I might be just a little obsessed right now lol)

“Um, Logan?” Charlotte's brow furrowed when he took a right turn two blocks before he should have turned left.

“Yeah?”

“This isn’t the way to the college.”

“Oh? It isn’t?” His tone told her that he knew it wasn’t.

“Damn it, we don’t have time for this. My meeting with my advisor starts in less than an hour! I can’t be late to that after missing so many days already.”

“It’s not like you were playin’ hooky, babe.”

“Yeah, because demolishing my car in an illegal street race is an approved reason for missing weeks of classes.”

“Nobody knows you were street racing when you wrecked.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes. “For now.”

Letting out a sigh, Logan moved his hand from the gear shift to rest briefly on her leg, squeezing a spot just above her knee gently. “Just relax, okay? I got you. You know I’ll always get you where you need to be.”

Instinctively, she tried to reach out her left hand to lace their fingers together, remembering too late that it was her broken arm. Despite her best efforts to the contrary, a small whimper slipped out at the jolt of pain the small movement caused.

Logan chuckled ruefully, “You would think you’d remember by now as much as you’ve done that.”

Charlotte’s eyes narrowed as she bit out, “Shut up.”

He pulled his hand away from her leg and she had to fight the urge to beg him to put it back, but almost immediately, his fingers were tangling gently in her hair, somehow managing to tuck the messy strands behind her hair without taking his eyes off the road. “I know babe. I miss it too. More than you can possibly know.”

The tender sweetness had her almost desperate to touch him and her frustration skyrocketed as a result. “Would you stop being sweet? It isn’t helping this situation one bit.”

“Should I laugh at your pain instead?”

“Yes, actually. That would be incredibly helpful.”

“Sorry, sweetheart. That’s one thing I can’t do for you. Especially not this time.”

It sounded almost as if he actually regretted it and Charlotte fell just a little harder for him. But she also didn’t miss the shudder that went through his body and found herself wishing for someway to comfort him. Even if the accident had helped bring them back together, she hated the way she’d scared him with her stupidity. Plus, losing her car like that was killing her. “I’m so sorry, Logan. I – “

“Don’t. You’re fine. I’m fine. It…it’s all fine.”

Dropping her head back against the seat, she smothered her groan of frustration. He’d been staying with her for a week but he still wouldn’t talk to her about the crash, despite the way it was clearly still bothering him. Like he thought he had to be this unaffected tough guy about the whole thing. She wanted so badly to push him on it, to make him open up, but she’d been down that road several times already and it always ended with a fight. And that was something she did not want to get into with the way she was already fighting a pounding headache and a touch of nausea – not that she was going to tell him about that particular development – so she held her tongue, letting the deep thrum of the Devore’s engine relax the tension out of her aching, exhausted body.

The next thing she knew, a hand was running gently through her hair and a soft, muffled-sounding voice was calling her name. Using an inordinate amount of effort, she pulled herself awake, vision blurry as she locked onto Logan, who was kneeling at her open door.

“Hey, Troublemaker. Have a good nap?”

“Mm-hmm.” Eyes threatening to slide closed again, she blinked hard a few times, but still felt like she was fighting a losing battle.

Chuckling, Logan leaned forward and pressed a kiss against her forehead. “So…you think you’re ready to go back to school, huh?”

“I would be if the damn doctors would clear me for it.” Even to her own ears, her voice lacked conviction.

“Says the girl who’s worn out after taking a short car ride.”

“That doesn’t mean shit.”

“You keep telling yourself that, sweetheart.”

Too exhausted to argue and beyond desperate to have him close to her, she raised her good arm to wrap around his shoulder and pleaded, “Hold me?”

“That mean you want me to carry you, Troublemaker?” Logan’s low laugh was somehow gentle and sweet.

“No. It means I want you to hold me.” Charlotte couldn’t help but cringe at how whiny she sounded.

“Char” – he sighed – “Lottie. Just let me carry you.”

“No. I can walk. I just need you to help me up.”

His eyes searched her face for several long seconds before he finally muttered, “Fine.” Wrapping his left arm gently around her back while trying to be careful of her still tender ribs, he held on to her free hand with his right to help tug her up to her feet. Tucking her against his side, he asked, “You good?”

Breathless from the effort and the way her body still protested even the slightest movements, she leaned heavily against Logan and huffed, “No. I told you to hold me.”

He twisted so that she was pressed against his chest and wrapped his arms around her as much it was possible with her arm in a cast and sling. She could feel his smile when he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “How ‘bout now?”

“This is perfect,” Charlotte sighed contentedly. They were silent for several moments before she muttered, voice muffled by his chest, “You know you can still call me Char or Charlotte if you want.”

“I thought you didn’t go by either of those anymore.”

“I…I don’t. Or didn’t. It just reminded me too much of…well, you. And him.”

“And it doesn’t still remind you of him?”

“Well, Char doesn’t. Not really.”

Logan gently pushed her away from him, reaching up to brush a stray strand of hair behind her ear before cupping her cheek in his hand. “Troublemaker, you… You aren’t the same girl I first met.” Charlotte felt her heart stutter, suddenly terrified of what he might say next, but was too frozen to interrupt. “I get that now. So, if this version of yourself, the true Charlotte, goes by Lottie, I can get used to that. Because I love her, you, so much and what name she goes by will never change that.”

It took a minute before Charlotte could pull in a shuddering breath, the fear she had been feeling making it hard to comprehend everything he’d just told her. To understand that he was finally saying all the words she’d yearned to hear for so long. But when it finally clicked, the biggest smile she’d ever felt broke out across her face. “You really mean that? All of it?”

“Every single word.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You were right when you told me that I never actually listened to what you wanted. I…I just assumed that you still wanted the life that you’d had planned before you met me. That this life and I were just a phase you were going through… I assumed that I knew better than you. I was too worried about how I was screwing up your life that I failed to see how much you had changed. Had blossomed.”

“Oh Logan.” She threaded the fingers of her free hand through the hair at the base of his head, using her grip to pull his lips down to hers. When he was close enough for their breaths to mingle, she whispered, “That’s all I’ve ever needed from you. For you to accept me like this.”

“Always, baby. Always.” He closed the remaining distance between their lips, kissing her softly, telling her without words just how precious she was to him. When they finally broke apart, several minutes later, they were both breathless and a little dazed.

Logan snapped out of it first, chuckling, which caused Charlotte to narrow her eyes at him.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Myself. And how easily you seem to be able to completely distract me. I don’t know how I ever thought I’d be able to stay away from you forever.”

“Well no one ever said you were the brains of this operation.” Charlotte managed to keep her expression serious, but could almost feel the laughter sparkling in her eyes.

“Good thing I never claimed to be, isn’t it?” He bopped her nose softly, careful of the fading bruises that still covered her face. “Anyway. I brought you here for a reason and I think we are already late.”

“Oh, my god! My meeting.” She jolted in an attempt to take off, but the sudden move sent a shockwave of pain through her body and her knees would have buckled if not for Logan’s supporting arms around her.

“Easy, babe. I don’t think you are gonna be in trouble for being late to this particular meeting.”

“You don’t underst – “ For the first time since he woke her up, Charlotte actually took in her surroundings and confusion immediately settled over her. Instead of being in a campus parking lot, they were in front of a self-storage facility. “What the hell is going on, Logan?”

“You’ll see in just a bit. You sure you want to walk?”

It wasn’t an easy task, but she resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him. “Yes, I’m sure.”

“Okay, okay. I won’t ask again.”

He started to unwrap himself from around her but she grabbed onto the front of his shirt. “Hey. Don’t be like that.”

“Me? Like what exactly?”

“Mad at me.” She forced herself to ignore his scoff. “I know, I’m being a bitch about all this. It just…it sucks to be so damned dependent on you. …Not you specifically. Just anybody. I hate this and I hate that I did it to myself.”

Logan’s expression softened as he shifted them around so that she was tucked into his side. He wrapped his arm loosely around her and nuzzled the side of her face before pressing a kiss to her temple. “I know baby. And I know I’m going overboard with the protectiveness. I just…I want to take care of you.”

“And you are. So much. So well.” She smiled when she felt him bury his nose in her hair, but when he stayed like that for several moments, she poked his side playfully. “Don’t we have somewhere to be? Something for you to show me?”

“Oh! Right! Yeah…you ready?”

“Definitely.”

Keeping his arm wrapped around her, Logan started to guide her through the maze of storage units. He had already taken two right turns and one left and they were still walking, leading her to wonder if he actually knew where he was taking her. After yet another right turn, she finally voiced her concern. “Are you sure you know where you’re going? Do I need to send out some sort of homing beacon so the authorities can find us?” The breathlessness of her voice seemed to ruin the comedic effect of her joke as Logan drew them to a stop, staring at her with concern-filled eyes.

“Hey. You need to take a break?”

She tried not to pant as she worked to catch her breath. “Depends. How much further?” She didn’t want to admit it, but her body really was starting to scream. She hadn’t moved half this much in almost two weeks and she could definitely feel it.

“Just let me carry you, babe.”

“How far, Logan?”

He let out a loud exhale before finally relenting, “Not far. It’s just at the end of this row. But seriously – “

“I’m fine. Just… maybe we could go a little slower?”

“That’s the most I’m gonna get from you, isn’t it?”

“You bet your sweet ass it is.”

“Whatever.” She could tell he was annoyed with her, but the way the corner of his lips kept twitching with the smile he was trying to hold back told her he wasn’t all that upset.

Once they were finally standing in front of their destination, a unit at the end of the row with a large, garage-type door, Charlotte turned to Logan with raised eyebrows. “Babe, I’m still confused.”

“It will all make sense in a minute, I swear.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket, typing out a short message before putting it back.

“Seriously? You lead me all the way down here just to send a fucking – “ The soft hum of a garage door opener captured Charlotte’s attention as it started to roll the door up. “Did you just send a text message to open that freakin’ door?”

There was a burst of laughter at that – make it two bursts of laughter. Forehead once again wrinkled in confusion, she turned towards the storage unit and gasped at who she saw inside. “Paul?”

“Yeah, Lottie. It’s me.”

Unexpected tears sprung to her eyes and she was helpless to stop them. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since he’d stormed out of her hospital room and she was starting to think that she really had fucked up that friendship. Even with Logan here – especially with Logan here – she knew she still needed Paul in her life and the thought that he might not be absolutely broke her heart. But here he was, waiting in a storage locker for her. But why is he waiting in a storage locker?

Before she even realized he’d moved, he was in front of her, pulling her into a much-too-tight hug, but she refused to complain. Logan, on the other hand, had no qualms about it. “Dude. Lighten up. She’s still really banged up.”

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry sweetheart.” Paul pulled back, but still kept his hands on her shoulders. His voice was much quieter when he added, “And not just for crushing you.”

“No, don’t – “

“Hush. I owe you an apology. You’d literally just woken up from – “ Paul shook his head, as if chasing memories away. “I should have been more understanding with you. More patient. And I damn sure shouldn’t have taken off on you like that. I just… You scared me so damn bad, Lottie. I thought…”

“I know. I know and I shouldn’t have tried to make light of the situation. I just…I hated seeing you so tense and upset and I thought a little joke might lighten the mood. I didn’t even consider everything I’d put you through.” She wanted to let it all go at that, to just enjoy knowing that she hadn’t ruined their friendship, but she couldn’t bite back the question that had been haunting her since he’d stormed out. Voice barely above a whisper, she asked, “Why didn’t you return any of my calls?”

Paul let out a deep sigh. “At first, it was because I was pissed as hell at you. Then, I knew Logan was going to be showing up on your doorstep and didn’t want to give you time to guard that frozen heart of yours.”

“Hey!”

“You know it’s true.”

“Whatever, jackass. What about after you knew Logan and I had talked?”

Turning to face Logan, Paul laughed, “She’s incredibly observant, isn’t she?”

“It really makes you wonder how she’s such a good street racer, doesn’t it?”

Shifting her glare between the two men, Charlotte hissed, “Hey, assholes, I’m still standing right here.”

“Oh, trust me, Troublemaker, we know.”

She knew it was an overreaction to storm off, but she was tired and annoyed and every inch of her body felt like it was throbbing so she really didn’t care how much of an overreaction it really was. She had only taken half of a step, though, before an almost familiar glint coming from inside the storage unit caught her eye. She side-stepped around Paul, the sight behind him causing her to freeze with horror, disbelief and excitement.

“That’s – “ She had to clear her throat to get her voice to work around her tears. “That’s my car.”

Coming up behind her, Logan wrapped his arms around her waist, being sure to avoid bumping her arm or pressing on her incision. “Yeah, baby.”

“What… how… Oh my god. What did I do?”

“Shh. It’s fine. It looks worse than it is.”

“Logan.”

“I’m not saying it’s gonna be a quick fix. But Paul’s already found a new frame. And we’ve got the pieces that need to be completely replaced on order. But the majority of it is fixable. We’re just gonna need you to be patient with us because this shit isn’t gonna be easy.”

Spinning slowly within his arms, she wrapped her right one around Logan’s neck before asking, “Why?”

“Because I know what that car means to you. Hell, what it means to us. And it isn’t beyond repair, so I wasn’t going to let it get scrapped.” A mischievous smirk broke out across his face as he added, “Besides, it’s only fair that I help fix it since I’m sorta the reason it needs fixed.”

Charlotte smothered the gasp that wanted to escape. She hadn’t been able to get him to even talk about the crash and here he was, joking about it? As much as it annoyed her, she figured it was better than nothing so instead of pressing the matter, she arched an eyebrow and sassed, “And just what makes you think it had anything to do with you?”

“Well your record was perfect until I showed up.”

She rolled her eyes at him so hard she immediately regretted it when her headache really started to throb. “Whatever. Pure coincidence is all that was.”

Before he could smart off again, she tugged him down so she could kiss him. Almost immediately, he deepened the kiss, running his tongue along her lips, begging for access. Just before she could oblige him, however, an over-exaggerated cough broke them out of their haze.

Charlotte looked over at Paul sheepishly, knowing that he knew she’d completely forgotten he was there. Rather that bring further attention to it, she opted to shift the conversation back to her car. “Thank you. So much for all of this. For saving her from the scrap yard and for putting all the plans together to fix her.”

“Hell, Lottie. Don’t go getting’ sentimental on me now.”

“Oh, whatever. You know you love it.”

Paul barked, “Shut up,” but it lacked any real heat and the smile on his face softened what was left of the blow.

Turning back to Logan, a realization struck her and she couldn’t pass up the opportunity to mess with him. “What happened to no more lies, Logan?”

“Huh? What?”

“You said I had a meeting with my academic advisor.”

“Well, uh…I just… I wanted to surprise you.” At first, she thought he was just playing along, but the way he was refusing to meet her eyes told her that he was taking it all to heart. Guilt instantly started eating at her.

“Hey, look at me.” When he just shook his head, she cupped his cheek in her hand and forced him to turn back towards her. “This was so much better than some stupid college meeting.”

Eyebrows knitted together, his disbelief was thick in his voice as he asked, “Really? You aren’t pissed at me for lying to you again?”

“Of course I’m not pissed. I was just trying to mess with you a little bit.” She bit her lip, pondering for just a second if she should just leave it at that, but couldn’t resist adding, “Besides, I’ve been wondering how I was beat your ass again without a car.”

The strangled noise that got caught in his throat and the panic that settled over his expression let her know that she would soon have another battle on her hands with him. But she didn’t mind, because she was finally starting to believe that Logan was really in this for the long haul this time.

Tags: @burnsoslow @anotherbeingsworld @openheart

[gazeboarcade]

3, 4, 10, 23? And also 💕💓🍧

aww gosh thank u <333

3. What’s something you regret buying, but you just can’t get rid of it?

This is hard bc if I rlly feel menaced I will usually just toss something? Or give it away to one of my sisters. Maybe the series books I have from when I was younger? I have a few series i cant convince myself to part with and could go back and choke myself for paying full price for new releases or even ones that had been out for a while instead of 2nd hand but... i also have an attachment to them and support little me for being that enthusiastic. Maybe someday lol

4. What villain do you believe is most worthy of a redemption arc?

George from Poldark <3 Also, I think Thomas's in Downton Abbey would've come a lot sooner with basic, honest, and genuine affection and trust being put in and on him from just one person even. He is just so separate from good things when the show starts out that he really thinks the world is totally against him when that really isn't true and he didn't deserve all that.. it's heartbreaking man,,, ok i gotta stop or i'll cry abt thomas lol

10. What book have you been avoiding reading and why?

I have a brain problem where I really super hesitate to finish books I am loving living in the world of. Lately, I've been pss pss pssing myself along with something You actually told me when I said this once. You just said, you can always read it again, like it was so simple and it made... a lot of sense. Rn I'm dragging my feet on IT, Games You Can't Lose, and Frankenstein.

23. How many couches do you want in your residence?

Maybe one in the living room and one in an office or something? Any more than that feels excessive.

💕 - what fictional duo do you and your partner/best friend act like?

this is,,,,, tricky tbh bc like obviously no one on the internets knows me and my gf like we do so it sounds like an easy answer but there has been some real reddiecoded moments lol. That's the biggest one I can think to name tho ..... 2 the onlookers, u will note our matching profile pictures <3

💓 - do you gesture when you talk?

YES, I rlly do. Mostly with my hands?? But sometimes I'll jerk my head in the direction of smthn to gesture and sometimes that hurts my neck so bad i think im gonna die

🍧 - what’s your favorite treat?

This changes and I have nausea issues so it is also seasonally dependent... Lately though, maybe soft twizzlers? Or honestly I could clown on some fresh baked brownies or chocolate chip cookies.

[crqstalite]

crisis.

so! i got tagged for wip weekend, which if you’ve tagged me before, i rarely have one to give lol. except this was already a wip i’d started a long while ago that i never got around to properly finishing. then i read it over before submitting and decided it needed some editing -- and then it got finished at some point in the last half an hour or so. 

so everyone gets some post!alchera feelings for the shep sisters of mine.

tagged by @ljandersen (ty!) and tagging @ripley95things + @actualanxiousswampwitch + @that-wasnt-so-bad + @purple-hawke :D

cw for a major character death.

2183.

It starts like any other day. Wake up, eat something in the mess quick, check in with the nurse to make sure her implant wasn't trying to kill her, get to work. It was never odd, never shifting into something else. Sure maybe she threw in a late wake up, or no breakfast at all, or an absence or two to fool around somewhere, but it always loosely adhered to it. She could predict every single day, and just how much she could press buttons before something broke.

It comforted her, being so far away from home -- though she'd never admit that, lest someone take advantage of her comfort. L2s didn't exactly have it easy, and those like her (the ones that were 'special' and 'hand picked for their willpower' as children for what she'd refer to as experiments, were all young when they received their implants) rarely had it easy. The schedule at least gave her some semblance of purpose.

That's what she does. It's Tuesday afternoon, just after lunch. Her omni-tool had been buzzing with unanswered texts for ages now -- maybe about the party that was supposed to be after lights out tonight. She doesn't check, it doesn't matter. Lounging around the classroom until the instructor got there, with her feet up on the desk. There's a hearty laugh spilling out of her mouth, other students around her enjoying the quips she throws out like fishing lines. A hand running through her hair, her sides sore as she pulls it back. The door clicks open behind her as she rushes to pull her feet down, clattering the datapad back on the desk. The room falls silent, a stylus falling to the ground but no one daring to pick it up.

The usual instructor. Grey hair in a tight bun. Cleanly pressed uniform, buttons shiny unlike her own that was missing two. She holds her breath, she's about to get that biting tone for her boots not being clean enough to eat off of. Or maybe something that they'd cackle about in the dormitory a few hours from now. Except she has an ashen look on her usually steeled face, searching the students until piercing grey eyes land on her. A cold sweat starts, a bead running her forehead. That, did not look like she was going to get on with the class period, "Miss Velasquez? You're, needed in the front office."

The woman's voice cracks. Her anxiety only grows in the pit of her stomach -- what had she done now? Had her parents finally found out that she'd been skipping the biotic advisory courses? Or the failing tech class she'd needed to pull up before the next break? This woman had done nothing but cause her problems since she enrolled here, why did she look so nervous? Would she be that sad that she'd be leaving her class, or stars forbid, the school?

How often did Grissom expel students? Being one of the only places that even took biotic students, much less someone like her, could they even afford to expel them and then deal with the rogue biotics that resulted?

(Not that she would go rogue -- she didn't have enough control over her biotics to even think about it without getting a bloody nose and one hell of a headache)

Citlali chooses her next words very carefully, her tongue feeling like sandpaper against the dry leather of the roof of her mouth, "Did Principal Sanders say why she needed to see me?"

The older woman bites her lip, trying not to avert her gaze, "Only that she needed you, now. Bring your bag, your dormitory will be cleared out in the next few days."

Her heart drops, ears filling with static. Clearing out her dormitory? Had she finally flunked the algebra class? Were they expelling her for being late so many times? Leaving the school, now? When she was so close to getting certification to serve on a cruiser with the Alliance? She drops her gaze to her desk, flopping her head into her hands and trying to process all the thoughts bouncing around in her head. A moment later, she picks up her bag by the strap, throwing it over her shoulder. Oliver mouths a goodbye.

"Do you know why I'm leaving, ma'am?" Her voice is small, throat tight, "Not that I don't love the early vacation, but not sure I want to be gone so quickly." A rough chuckle to keep her emotions in check.

"It's..." A steel glance around the room before she sighs, "It's about your sister. Your parents want you home. Principal Sanders has told me not to expect you back for the rest of the semester, or the next."

Home?

Sister?

Shit.

Something had happened to Kodelyn.

No, wait. Don't panic, it made her nauseous and her parents had drilled it into her as a child. It was okay, all of it was. There was nothing to worry about, nothing to make herself sick over. She had none of the facts and all of the possible answers.

It was okay.

Maybe she was finally settling down, with that not-so-bad-looking lieutenant from the SR-1. Wedding maybe? That'd make sense, right? It would be a little odd that it would be right in the middle of their cruise around the Terminus for leftover Geth, but it made sense. It totally made sense. Even though Kodee was rarely spontaneous.

Citlali doesn't want to consider the alternative. If there even is an alternative. Right. Keeping her chin up. No reason in being doomsday-ish. Military life was dangerous, but no more dangerous than being alive was.

Right. Her parents were only pulling her out of school because maybe they're going to be moving somewhere else, and her complaints about Grissom (and the focus on her biotics) had finally hit decidedly not-deaf ears. Yeah, of course. She was probably getting enrolled in a normal school, a flight school if she's lucky.

Except, when she glances at the secretary just outside Sanders' office after the much too short of a walk to the administrative section, the man's face falls, hurrying to let the Principal know she was there while almost tripping over himself. He looks as if he wants to say something, but then reconsiders immediately afterwards. She gives him a rough nod, before stepping into the office.

Don't panic.

Her heart sinks as soon as she enters. Her mother's face is one without emotion, eyes glued to the wall behind the desk, her father with his head in his hands. Sanders is the only one to look at her proper, a sad smile on her face.

There's a vid playing in the background. If she knows any better on first glance, it's the Captain (Councilor, apparently) that Kodelyn had served with just before the investigation with Saren began. Though, the reason he's giving a speech on the extranet is...odd. And worrying.

Don't panic.

"Mom..." She starts before her mother stands from her chair, "What's going on? If it's because I'm flunking algebra, I just need a couple weeks to get it back up to a passing grade. It's fine. I-I can study here."

"Mi princesa," Her father's voice is just as rough as her's, she recognizes it as the one he had when she'd been injured that one time, the way he'd been when she been hospitalized all those times ago. Sad...scared, "We could not care less about your grades."

"A-And the Advisory Course! I can start attending those again, the nurse says I'm good to go, and I won't skip them anymore, I promise!" She says earnestly, heart rate rising as her mother nears her. She's in her uniform, which rarely happened if she didn't visit Grissom immediately after a posting. Her mother wasn't on a posting this week, she was home. She should've been.

Why was she in her uniform then?

Don't panic.

"No..no..no, Mom what happened? Mrs. O'Brian said this was about Kodee. What's going on?" Her heart is racing, thumping like a drum beneath her chest, the feeling of nausea climbing up her throat, "She's home? Right? And we're going back to Earth, right?"

Citlali can't stop talking the more and more she panics, words tumbling out to cover up her own pessimistic thoughts. She doesn't even want to glance at the screen when her mother wraps her arms around her tightly, allowing Citlali to bury her head in her chest. The words catch in her chest when her father does the same to both of them. She can't even voice what she's truly thinking.

She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to hear her mother say anything. Nothing at all.

"Your sister isn't coming home, Citlali." A whisper by her mother as Citlali is sure her heart stops upon hearing the words cross her mother's lips with a shaky breath following, "She..."

"No! No, she can't be! She's not gone, she promised to introduce me to..to Kaidan when she came back! She promised to take me around the Citadel after the cruise was over! She-she promised to show me the Normandy!" Tears are spilling out of her eyes, clutching onto the back of her mother's uniform like her life depended on it, her own disbelief pressing down on her lungs as if to suffocate her, "Don't say it! Please don't say it!"

"An attack over Alchera, somewhere out in the Terminus. From what we know...she gave her life for everyone else on the Normandy." Her father's voice is nearly drowned out by the sound of blood rushing in her ears, sobs pushing their way out before she can clamp down on them. Her legs weaken beneath her while her eyes burn, "We're going home, princesa. There are...preparations we need to make."

"No! She can't be! She can't, mom please, someone must have seen her, right? Must've known she was...was in an escape pod or something, mom!"

"There's nothing I can say, love. I wasn't overseeing that operation, and the Normandy was destroyed in the attack. All we have to go on is Lieutenant Alenko's report. She wasn't with them for the days they spent on the planet afterwards and no one just...survives that." Her father pulls away so that her mother can lift her head to look at her.

Citlali doesn't want to. Her sister, Kodelyn, is a carbon copy of their mother. All she sees is her sister in her face, and she only cries harder. Her mother wipes away what tears she can, her calloused hands holding her face by her cheeks while her sobs wrack her body.

"We'll be clearing out your dorm before we leave, love. You can stay home as long as like, as long as you need." Her deep brown eyes are only radiating love, comfort, but a line of liquid is beginning to form at the corners of her own eyes, "Mrs. Sanders, surely you'll be able to handle the students knowing? I wouldn't want Citlali harassed for information."

"Of course, Admiral Shepard. I will do my very best if that is what you wish," She responds, "I am so, so very sorry. She was a remarkable woman, and she will be missed."

"She's not dead!" The word is a hurdle to get over, trying to tie it to Kodee, her sister so very full of life the last time she'd seen her. To imagine some Geth, some stupid AI had ripped her out the galaxy destroys a part of her, "She can't be!"

"Love...please. I know it's hard to accept, but it's what we know. And that is simply what it is. There is nothing we can do now but simply remember her as she was. Your sister, our daughter, and an inspiration to a galaxy," Her father comes back into a view with his own bag slung across his shoulder while her mother bites her bottom lip, a rogue tear slipping down her scarred cheek, "Denying it will do nothing."

Citlali has no words anymore.

"You and your mother go ahead to the shuttle. I'll get the things from your dorm." Her father whispers, gently squeezing her shoulder, his own eyes rimmed red. Dry from his own crying, she's sure.

The headline scrolls across the vid when she pulls away from her mother, it scrolls across her datapad, it scrolls across her own mind, burned into her memory. Her brother has a similar reaction, though is stuck in shock for weeks afterwards. The family is never quite the same afterwards, she doesn't remember her mother ever being home this often -- she doesn't remember ever being home this long, ever being in one spot, ever being on Earth so long.

Citlali doesn't ever remember a day that she was home and didn't receive a call from her sister, Citlali doesn't remember going months without having her sister home. Unlike her brother and father and mother, she sits in the middle of Kodelyn's old room, terrified that she'll lose her scent and start forgetting things about her. Just what her favorite color was, or how she used to speak, how she used to comfort her after something bad had happened or after a discharge from the hospital when she was younger. How it felt to be hugged by her, how it felt just to be with her.

She's scared she'll start forgetting about her older sister.

Citlali remembers crying for ages, wrapped in Kodelyn's old N7 sweatshirt until she can't. Then it's simply dry heaving, dry sobs.

The crew's names are like leaves in the wind to her during the funeral. She remembers little more than the fact there'd been a Quarian, a Turian, a Krogan and an Asari among them. She remembers Kaidan a little better, but moreso how his dark eyes only reminded her of her own. After that, she doesn't remember seeing him again.

Citlali remembers once saying the galaxy didn't revolve around Kodelyn Shepard.

She realizes that Kodelyn Shepard was her galaxy. And her galaxy had just fallen apart.

[dr-gloom]

A Post About Top Surgery From Someone Who’s Currently Recovering

Yo! I’m gonna make a Trans Survival Guide sometime soon but until then I’ve had some stuff on my mind I wanted to get out here for anyone thinking about/waiting for top surgery. I’ll try to keep it reader-friendly cause i totally understand how hard it can be to read large blocks of text

So, here we go.

Pre-Op

You’ll be asked to not drink or smoke for anywhere from a month to 2 weeks prior to surgery, depending on your surgeon’s preference.

They ask that you only use Tylenol if you need to take pain meds as ibuprofen is a blood thinner and can lead to surgical complications.

If you take vitamins or supplements of any kind, get it cleared with your surgeon or stop taking them as well.

You are absolutely allowed to ask a surgeon how many surgeries they’ve done, their success-to-revision rate, their style if they haven’t already told you, and anything else. 

You won’t offend them, and even if you do, making sure you’re going with the surgery you want is waaaay more important. Put your health and your chest above their feelings.

You’re also allowed to meet up with other surgeons to make sure you’re making the best choice. Consider this “shopping”. Just because you met a surgeon, doesn’t mean you have to go with them.

The Surgery

The specific details may vary, but from my own experience, this is how it goes. 

You’re given a time to check in, then you’re called in from the waiting room to go into Pre-Op. 

For me, this meant chillin for a couple hours under a heated blanket, IV in my arm and heart monitor on my finger. 

Until you’re taken into surgery, a lot of nothing happens, and the everything happens. You meet your surgeon so he can draw on you. You meet the anesthesiology team and presiding nurses etc. 

You can absolutely ask them any question you have, express any anxiety, no judgement. The more vocal you are, the more they can help you and by extension themselves. 

I told the anesthesiologist I’d never had surgery before so I was stressed about going under, and they put something in my IV to help me relax before I was wheeled into the OR. Then they put the mask thing over my mouth and I was out. 

You’ll be chillin naked under a hospital gown for a while lol. After you wake up, if it’s an outpatient procedure, they’ll keep you until they’re sure you’re stable - oriented, no vomiting, etc - before wheeling you out to go home. 

You’ll feel kind of slow, very tired, maybe loopy, and of course whatever you tend to feel from anesthesia. For anyone who’s never had surgery, affects range from nausea to coldness to sleepiness to Total Crap.

Incisions and Types of Surgery

There are of course the two main distinctions most people know: key-hole and double incision. What many don’t know is there are vast differences in surgeons’ styles when it comes to these. I’ve seen double incisions shaped like

smiles

a straight line across the chest

two straight lines

two slightly curved lines

incisions that meet in the middle (as mine did, but only to avoid “dog ears”)

incisions that follow the pectoral muscle

This doesn’t even include botched stitching

If you can, ask to see pictures. They may or may not be allowed to show you; if they have a prior patient’s permission, they can.

Just to cover my bases: key-hole is a small incision made near the nipple which can only really be done for those with small breasts (A cups or smaller ((apparently there are smaller ones???))). 

I still recommend double incision, because you have better results and are less likely to have excess skin. The only drawback is the scarring but I believe it’s worth it.

Pain and Pain Management

Typically, from my understanding, top surgeries are outpatient surgeries if you have to travel to get to your surgeon. 

This is cause they want you numb while you’re travelling back home. 

Of course, I’m speaking as someone from Sacramento who had to travel to San Francisco to see a top surgeon so of course you should check with your surgeon about these specifics.

You’ll get prescription meds. If you stay within the guidelines set for you on the dosage label, you won’t get addicted, so don’t put yourself through pain just cause you’re scared of addiction, trust me.  

It is completely possible and probable for you to swell if you don’t have drains. 

Your chest will feel swollen, maybe spongey ((BUT STOP TOUCHING IT)) and that’s normal. 

If the skin feels heated, you get a fever, you have a hard time breathing, it’s tender to the touch (more than it should be), or makes liquid sounds, CALL YOUR SURGEON/RN.

For me, it was like this:

The first day wasn’t too bad, neither was the second day. The third and fourth hurt the worst, but the pain you feel after the first check-up is different and worse. 

You get the gauze taken off your nipples, whatever compression device they have you use is taken off for the first time and you’re moving skin for the first time in at least a week. It hurts. 

It goes from “bad bruise” pain to “oh shit my chest was cut” pain. If you’ve got a little meat on your bones and your skin tends to fold a little, that can cause irritation too. It sucks.

After about Week 2, you can switch from prescription meds to Tylenol, but not Ibuprofen just to be safe.

Surgery Aftercare

Range of Motion:

They’ll tell you not to raise your hands above your head. 

They’ll say no heavy lifting or working out. 

You absolutely cannot use your arms to sit up. 

You should not go your full reach without doctor approval. 

Try to avoid reaching out to the side or behind you. 

Bending over is also something you wanna avoid cause as your midsection bunches up it can rub/crease your incisions and that hurts.

Ideal Outfit/Clothes:

Honestly if you can avoid wearing anything but underwear and the compression garment, go for it. 

If you can’t, button-ups or tank tops with big arm holes are your best friend. 

For the first few days at least have someone else help you dress. 

I’d suggest loose, non-button/zipper pants such as sweats or gym shorts.

 No shoes with laces/velcro since you can’t bend over - sandals/flipflops are best.

Medications:

As mentioned earlier, you’ll be given prescription pain meds. Take them as prescribed and you’ll be fine. 

If you feel any of the negative side effects like hives or fever or nausea, absolutely stop taking them and contact your doctor. 

You’ll also likely be given antibiotics to prevent infection. Take ALL OF THEM, as prescribed. 

Depending on how you react to anesthesia and who your surgeon is, you may also be given stool softener. 

Bottom line: take ALL of your meds AS DIRECTED. These people know what they’re doing.

If you’re doing everything safe and nothing has set you back, typically you’re good to drive around 3 weeks after, workout lightly about 4 or 5 weeks after, and everything else about 6-8 weeks after.

*****This post was made from things I have learned and my own current experience. If I haven’t mentioned something it’s because I don’t know about it and I’d prefer you have to find information elsewhere than risk spreading false information******

[solace-sun]

Not The Typical Way You Meet a Soulmate Chapter Two (Solangelo)

Over the years, Nico had become best friends with Gatorade, Pedialyte, and Ibuprofen, especially after nights like last. Nico used these like shields against his hangovers, but every so often he'd find himself in a drought of Gatorade, or maybe he would get too drunk to remember to hydrate himself. Either way, he always had to face the headache of a hangover once in a while; it was the price he had to pay for his fun.

He regained consciousness on his twin size mattress, with a dim and blurry recollection of the night before. Highlighted in his memory, however, remained Will's impression, his blonde locks, and careful blue eyes. The image made Nico's stomach do flips, but then again, that could just be his hangover.

Blinking the sleep from his eyes, he became acutely aware of the piercing pain through his skull, the shakes that came in waves from his core, and the faint sense of nausea rising from his throat. He still wore last night's clothes, which now hung awkwardly off his frame; too tight in all the wrong areas and too loose in others.

He felt like shit.

The more awake he was, the more conscious he grew, the grosser he felt. Wrapping an arm around himself, he pretended to be anywhere but the present, wishing he was somewhere other than his besides his shoddy apartment, but the hammering pain in his head made it hard to focus. He ended up closing his eyes and wishing, praying, he could go back to sleep.

Maybe Nico enjoyed the drunken buzz he'd get at parties, but he never came to welcome the pounding hangover that followed. He never learned to embrace the feeling of a twisted gut or headaches like sledgehammers in his skull.

Unfortunately for Nico, last night's wrath didn't stop with a hangover, he wasn't that lucky. Last night's vengeance was about to enter for round two through the door of Nico's room, in the form of a very unhappy Hazel Levesque.

The door flew open, slamming against the wall behind it.

"Nico!" She shouted, "What the fuck man?"

Well, shit. She's mad about something.

Nico rubbed a sleepy eye awake, "Hazel... Please be quiet. My head hurts," He groaned.

"It's because you're hungover, isn't it?" She accused, "Whatever, that doesn't even matter right now. You got in a fight with someone at the party last night?"

"Who told you?" Nico asked, coercing himself to raise up.

"My friend who hosted the damn party, dipshit!"

"Hazel, I didn't even touch the dude. I would hardly call it a fight. Could you please leave me alone?"

"My friend has a hole in his drywall now! You can't keep starting shit at parties or pissing off people, or getting so drunk you can't remember what happened."

"I remember last night. I didn't blackout," Nico reasoned.

"That's a first. How long has it been since that last happened?" Hazel chided, pinching the bridge of her nose "Actually, no. Don't answer that. I'm gonna be late for class. I'll talk to you when I get home."

She spun out of the room and gathered her things. Before leaving, she called to him from the front door.

"I'm still mad at you still, but I love you!" Her tone was detesting, but Nico could appreciate the sentiment. He laid back, boring holes into the ceiling until his interest became fatigued.

After the ceiling had lost its appeal, he decided that maybe it was time to face the day. He rolled over to check his phone, stretching to reach it where it lay charging.

A text from Will was left in his notifications.

Will: Glad you made it home okay :)

Nico couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face. He began to type out a response.

Nico: hey i just wanted to say thanks for walking me home last night

Nico: oh and also for not letting my shit get kicked in by a lacrosse player who was a foot taller than me

Will: Lol it was no problem, just returning the favor

Will: How's ur day been so far?

Nico: i mean i just woke up hungover, so not all that great :/

Will: I'm sorry to hear that dude! You know, they say a good breakfast is the best hangover cure

Nico: well thats unfortunate, all i have at my house for breakfast is pop tarts

Will: Are you serious?

Will: Let me take you to breakfast, I'll buy

Will: Call it the final pay back for everything that you did for me yesterday

Nico: i thought walking me home yesterday was payback? not saying im gonna refuse a free breakfast tho

Will: Walking you home was for the party, breakfast can be for the groceries

Nico: will you don't have to do that

Will: I know! I just wanted to show my appreciation :)

Will: There's a cafe I was thinking of. It's usually pretty quiet, and won't be too noisy. I can send you the address and meet you there in 35 minutes?

Nico: alright, see you there

Nico peeled himself from the hold of his twin-sized mattress. He shuffled to a pile of clothes that resided on the floor, scouring for something that wasn't yesterday's clothes to wear. He slipped on a sweatshirt and pulled the hood on; it was a hood-up kind of day. Before he left he swiped a pair of sunglasses laying on his nightstand, his last hope to buffer his headache from the sober world.

He came to find that it didn't help much.

His groggy walk brought him to the cafe doors earlier than he had anticipated, leaving him to anticipate Will's arrival. He stood idly at the cafe entrance with his hands stuffed in his pockets and his shoulders hunched. His head still pounded, and the talking of strangers passing by became sirens in his head. He had to remind himself this was all worth it for free breakfast.

Just before his waiting turned to worry, Will approached from down the street. The grasp around Nico's anxious heart subsided as he saw the familiar face.

"How are things going man!" He asked as he pulled the cafe door open with his good arm.

Nico couldn't ignore the headache piercing his skull, "Things could be better," he shrugged.

"Hey, once we get a little bit of breakfast, I'm sure things will get much better."

The inside of the cafe treated Nico's hangover much better than the outside had. The cool air and quiet atmosphere were exactly what he needed that morning. He silently thanked Will for being kind of a genius.

As soon as the two settled into their seats, Nico let his head lay on the table. Will gave him a sympathetic smile.

"That bad, huh?" He asked. Nico only nodded in response.

"Let me order for you. I know exactly what will help you out, dude."

"I will do anything, as long as it gets rid of this headache," Nico groaned as he propped himself up, resting his head on his hands, "Thanks for offering me breakfast."

"Thanks for carrying my groceries for me," Will grinned.

Before long, a waitress sauntered over, placing a pitcher of ice water and two cheap plastic cups in front of the two. She asked for their orders, of which Will ordered for the two of them.

Nico tuned their conversation out, getting lost in the scene outside their window. He watched the cars pass by, his eyes hidden by his sunglasses.

Will pushed a cup of water towards him to reel him back into the present.

"You need to rehydrate," he prompted. Nico did as he was told, and took small sips from the cup.

"How's your day been so far?" Nico asked.

"Pretty good. Though, I feel bad saying that to your face," Will joked. Nico shot him a look Will could see even through the dark glasses.

Will chuckled, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He put his hands up in defeat.

"How was the rest of the party?" Nico asked.

"Honestly? I didn't stay much longer after you went home. I checked in with my friends to make sure they were fine then called it a night. Guess it was just kinda boring without you there, starting fights and all."

Nico covered his face with his hands, "God, don't remind me about that," he grumbled.

"What? I thought it was sweet," Will responded.

"Yeah, I don't know," Nico started, "Drunk me thought I was doing something great, but my sister totally chewed me out for it this morning."

"Why?"

"I guess she's friends with the guy who hosted the party... And he's not too thrilled to have a hole in his wall, which could technically be my fault? I don't know," He explained.

"Oh, does your sister go to school?" Will asked.

"Yeah, she's a freshman, studies early education."

"Oh, that's cool," Will engaged. Then his eyebrows furrowed, and his expression became confused, "Can I ask a question?"

"That depends. What's the question?" Nico's tone was apprehensive.

"How come you don't go to school?"

Before Nico had the chance to respond, the waitress had returned and plates were being unloaded on the table in front of him. He looked down at the mystery meal Will had ordered for him.

"What the fuck is this?" Nico exclaimed, "Is this spinach in my breakfast?"

"Oh my god," Will rolled his eyes, "You know, everything on that plate is what they recommend you eat to get rid of a hangover."

"Okay, you know what? Fine. I'll eat your weird healthy breakfast, only because it's gonna make me not feel like my brain is trying to rot inside my skull."

He grabbed at a fork and stabbed his omelette with it, and took a bite.

"Oh shit," He spoke behind a mouthful of food.

"What?" Will gave a concerned look, glancing up from his own breakfast.

"This is actually really good," Nico admitted why a shy smile.

"See? It's not that bad. And it's good for you."

"Will," Nico began, "I want you to look at me in the eyes, and recall everything you know about me, which, granted, isn't a lot," He paused to take another bite of food, "And ask yourself if I really seem like the type of person who cares about which foods are good for me or not."

Will raised his eyebrows. For a second, Nico thought he had offended him, but Will erupted into that contagious laughter of his. Nico joined in, giving in to the pull of the laughter.

Will shook his head, his chuckles slowing to a stop, "Man, I guess you're right."

Will looked at Nico and smiled. Nico glanced back, if only for a second, and reciprocated the grin.

Then he felt the phone in his pocket buzzing. He reached down into his pocket and gave a quick 'sorry give me a second' to Will before answering.

"Hello?"

"Nico! Are you gonna show up for your shift? I've told you before man, you gotta give me notice if you're gonna be late."

Shit.

It was his manager.

"I wasn't on the schedule for today, I thought," Nico defended. Will looked up from his plate and gave a concerned look.

"Should have double-checked, I needed you here thirty minutes ago."

Shiiiiiit.

"Okay. I'll be there as soon as possible,"

"How long is that going to be?" His manager's voice rang through the phone.

"I don't know... I'm not at home right now, and I'm walking so... It could be twenty-five minutes. I'm so sorry, I didn't know I had a shift today."

"Do whatever you can to get here, I need your ass down here now. We're having a rush and we're understaffed."

"Right, okay. See you in a few," Nico responded, and ended the call.

"Do you gotta go?" Will asked, disappointment hidden in his tone.

Nico pursed his lips, "I'm so sorry. I had no idea I was on the schedule, but I gotta go now or I am so fucking fired."

"Do you need a ride?"

"Will, no, I can't ask you to do that. You're already paying for my meal," Nico explained.

"Nico, it's totally fine! I don't mind at all," Will insured, "I picked up my car from the shop yesterday, so we're good to go!"

Nico's brows furrowed while he contemplated the offer. After a moment, he agreed.

"I'm only accepting because I needed to be there, like, 30 minutes ago," Nico said, as he began to pack his things and leave. Will left a pile of cash that would cover the bill plus tip, and the two hurried out of the restaurant, and towards Will's beat up SUV.

When Nico walked through the back door of his restaurant job, he was met with several pissed coworkers and his manager.

"He finally shows up!" his coworker, Jason, exclaimed.

"About fuckin' time!" another employee called out. Nico ignored his coworkers teasing, and snatched his uniform from his locker, and threw it on, trying to smooth the wrinkles out while tugging on the sleeve. He clocked in, and rushed to the front of the house, to take his position.

As he sped to his spot, he bumped into his manager, whose only words were a muttered 'glad you could make it.' Nico gave a shy smile and grabbed a handful of menus before settling at his stand.

Working at a five-star restaurant was kind of like maintaining a well oiled machine -- if well oiled machines could be a dysfunctional team that somehow maintained the image of perfection on the surface. It was a stressful job, but it paid decently, all things considered, and sometimes Nico even liked his coworkers. In the very least, they were usually tolerable.

But today, Nico was up against the edge, still half hungover, and in the middle of a rush, he wished he could still be enjoying Will's company. Something about Will made his heart feel still.

Despite his longing to be elsewhere, Nico was, unfortunately, stuck at his job, taking the orders of people who didn't know mediocre, overpriced food if it hit them in the face. His least favorite part of the job was the customers, but then again, Nico was fairly sure if you asked any food service worker, they would say the same thing.

This rang especially true today. He was getting a headache  (And no, it wasn't just the remnant of his hangover) listening to an older woman complain about her food. He had tried to tune her out maybe five minutes into the lecture about why her food sucked, and why she deserved a refund with a complimentary meal, but he could still hear the echo of her nasally voice through his dissociative state. After the lady finished her spiel, Nico resumed his customer service voice and assured her she would be satisfied with a new meal, per company policy, and left the table.

He walked into the kitchen, ready to announce that he was going on break when his coworker slammed into him. Now, if his coworker had been empty handed, maybe everything would have been fine. But she wasn't, instead, she had been carrying out a meal, which was now plastered all over Nico's white, formal uniform.

Are you fucking kidding me?

"Oh my god! I am so sorry!" She exclaimed. Nico could feel the frustration and annoyance bubbling in his chest, rising up his throat. He shut his eyes, and inhaled, reopening his eyes as he exhaled.

"I am going on break," He spoke in monotone, attempting to disguise any anger in his voice. He dragged himself out back, and slumped onto a crate to sit on. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

Today's shift fucking sucked.

He pulled out his phone. In his notifications was a text from Will. The anger and frustration that held Nico's heart began to loosen its grasp.

Will: How's work? Hope you haven't been fired yet lol

Nico: not fired yet, just got angry looks from my coworkers for being 40 minutes late during a rush

Nico: maybe it's deserved though, it'd be pretty mad if i were them

Will: I mean, in your defense you didn't know about your shift, and you seemed like you genuinely felt bad so I wouldn't beat yourself up too badly :)

Nico: thanks, haha

Will: Quick question, do you have a ride home?

Nico: no i usually just walk home

Will: Do you want a ride? I'd feel bad if I just dropped you off with no way to get back home

Nico: you can't keep doing favors for me like this

Nico: I get off late anyway, you probably wouldn't want to drive around by the time I get off

Will: What time is your shift over?

Nico: uh

Nico: seven

Will: That's not even late

Nico: i don't need a ride, i'll be fine, i promise

Nico: thanks for the offer tho

Will: I will take it as a personal offense if you don't accept this offer, Nico

Nico: dont tell me that

Nico: like seriously though, i can't let you do this

Will: I feel bad just dropping you off like that!

Nico: i walk home all the time, its okay! i promise

Will: How often do you walk home hungover?

Nico: i mean, im not even hungover anymore so

Nico: but now that you've offered, it would be nice not to walk home for once

Nico: im only agreeing because you're practically begging me at this point

Will: I'll be waiting out back at 6:50 ;)

Nico shook his head and smiled, replacing the phone in his pocket.

As he smiled to himself, the back door swung open. Jason peered his head from around the door. He gave Nico a funny look.

"I don't think I've seen you smile before," He paused to think, "Ever."

"Oh, come on," Nico protested, "That's not fair."

"What's got you so happy? Surely not work, not after the shift you're having," Jason commented.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Nico taunted Jason.

"Don't be like that," Jason chastised, "Anyhow, boss wanted me to tell you that he wants you back inside, it's starting to get busy again."

"Tell him I'll be back out there in five minutes. Also, do you have a spare shirt I can borrow?" Nico asked, gesturing down to the mess that was now staining his shirt.

"I was just about to offer you my spare shirt. It's in my locker, let me go get it," Jason replied, holding the door open for Nico. He followed Jason inside as the heavy door slammed behind the two.

The rest of Nico's shift didn't improve by much, but at least he had something to look forward to. By the end of his shift, he never felt so welcomed by his hoodie and casual clothes, that hung loosely off his frame rather than the suffocating hug his work uniform gave him.

Clocking out was the best part of his day.

He walked out back, shoving the door out of the way and giving a curt goodbye to his coworkers. Will's car idled in the back alley behind the restaurant, awaiting his arrival. Will waved when he saw Nico emerge from the building.

"Hey, Nico!" Will exclaimed as Nico pulled the car door open.

"Hey Will," Nico started, "Thanks again for picking me up. I know I resisted at first, but like, I'm actually so glad I agreed. Would have been pissed if I were walking home right now."

"Man I don't know how you do it, walking every day" Will agreed.

"I mean you get used to it, but after some shifts I definitely wish I knew how to drive."

"So what, you never learned?"

"I mean, I never really felt the need to? Like some days I'm like 'yeah a car would be nice,' but most days I'm perfectly fine without."

"Have you ever thought about learning?" Will asked, glancing at Nico from the side of his eye as he drove.

"I don't know... I've always told myself I'd learn at some point, but I keep putting it off. Why?"

"I could teach you now, if you'd like," Will gave Nico a smile that meant trouble.

"What? No, Will, I'll total your car."

"It'll be fun! There's an empty parking lot we'll pass on the way back to your place, we can stop there and I can just show you the basics."

"What if I hit something?"

"Nico, dude, this car is worth at very most a total of 500 dollars. I wouldn't be ruined if this thing suffered a few bumps. It's the perfect car to learn in, you can't do any more damage to it than it has already suffered."

"I mean, I guess I don't have anything else going on tonight..." Nico gave a hesitant response.

"It'll be fun, I promise!" Will said as he flicked his turning signal and pulled into the empty lot. He put the car in park and opened the door.

"Okay, switch places with me," He prompted.

"Uh, okay," Nico gave some thought to hesitation, before stepping out of the passenger seat and into the driver's.

"Okay, look at the floorboard. Do you know which pedal is the brake and which one is for gas?" Will asked.

"Uh, the big one's the brake, right? And the small one is the gas?" Nico gave an answer even he doubted to be correct.

"Yeah! Okay, now put your foot on the brake," He instructed. Nico did as he told, gripping the steering wheel so tightly he thought he might break it.

"Great, now grab the gearshift, and put it into drive," Will explained, "You know how to do that?"

"Uh," Nico choked on his own words, "No?"

"That's okay!" Will assured. He reached over to gently hold Nico's hand, as he placed it on the gearshift. With his hand over Nico's, he pulled the gearshift into place.

"Now you're in gear!" He exclaimed with a bright grin. Nico's hand started to shake underneath Will's.

"What you wanna do now is let your foot off the brake, slowly though," As Will began, Nico lifted his foot off, and the car began to roll.

"Oh fuck the car is moving now," Nico cursed under his breath.

"You're doing good! The car is gonna move slowly as long as you don't hit the brakes. Now, I want you to take the same foot you just used the brakes with, and very slowly, press on the gas."

Nico placed a foot on the gas, and the car jerked forward.

"Oh god, I'm sorry," Nico groaned.

"Don't be! You're doing good!" Will encouraged, "Try again."

Nico lowered his foot back onto the pedal, and the car lurched once more. Surprised by the movement, he took his foot off the gas, giving Will a concerned look.

"It can be tricky to get the hang of, but you're doing really good so far!" He encouraged.

Nico's foot hovered over the pedal. Carefully, he began to press weigh to the pedal. The car began to move faster.

"Hey, there you go!" Will exclaimed, "You got it! Now, see if you can speed up a bit."

Nico pressed on the pedal, and the car roared, picking up speed. As the car gained speed Nico lost confidence, his chest began to feel tight. He could feel his hands tremor as he gripped the wheel, and he began to feel his throat close up. He slammed a foot into the brakes. The car screeched to a stop, causing both himself and Will to lurch forward in their seats. Nico's knuckles had turned white around the steering wheel.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Nico repeated, "I think... I think I'm done. Let's switch back."

"You were doing so well though!" Will reassured.

"No, I think I'm done," Nico confirmed, placing the car back into park.

"Oh, okay," Will's smile fell.

His shaky hands and nerves calmed once Nico returned to the passenger seat. He let out the breath he had been holding and rubbed his arms.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overwhelm you," Will said as he slid back into the driver's seat.

"Will, it's not your fault. I've... I've never been good at managing my nerves while driving. My dad gave up trying to teach me years ago because I'd just freak out whenever I was behind the wheel. I guess I thought this time would be different? I don't know..."

Nico felt a hand on his shoulder. Will ran a thumb over the skin on his shoulder.

"It's okay," Will ensured, giving a small smile to Nico, "I just hope I didn't make you feel pressured to do something you didn't want to."

"No! Of course not, I just thought I could actually do it this time. I mean there's a reason why I don't drive."

"You wanna talk about it?" Will asked.

"There's not much to talk about. It's just, like, my nerves... I just get so anxious behind the wheel. It's always been like that," Nico explained, fidgeting with his hands, "Like, I just personally think I shouldn't drive. There are some people out there who just don't drive, and maybe I should just commit to being one of those people."

"It takes practice," Will comforted, "You'll get it if you give it a chance."

"I don't know Will," Nico shook his head, "I can't drive in an empty parking lot, and I can't even imagine how I'd manage on a road with other cars. I don't know how you do it, especially with a broken arm, oh my god."

"I'm telling you, it's just practice. I mean, I guess the arm thing is a little hard to get around, but, I'm doing fine now, I think," Will spoke.

"Does it still hurt? Your arm?" Nico asked.

Will examined his arm, observing the curve of the cast, "No, not unless I move it the wrong way."

"I feel bad, you like, broke your arm," Nico began, "You said you've been playing lacrosse for seven years? And now, all of a sudden you just stopped? Don't you miss it?"

"I mean, yeah, I put so much of my time into it and spent so many years practicing. It was my sport and I loved it. And then, after I left the hospital, after talking to my coaches and telling them I was done... I realized, y'know, that I had put on my jersey, and played for the last time, without even knowing it, and that... That kinda sucked."

Nico nodded, watching Will as he spoke, "This whole thing sounds like it's been pretty hard on you."

Will turned to Nico, "This... may sound so stupid," Will laughed, "But you are so easy to talk to. Like being around you is just easy."

Nico smiled and nodded, "No, I get what you're saying."

He sighed and looked down at the floorboard.

"Guess I should be getting you home though, right?" Will asked as he started the engine. He pulled out of the lot and accelerated onto the road towards Nico's house. Will studied the road as Nico watched streetlights speeding by, their lights beginning to illuminate as the sun began to fall. A hazy shade of grey began to blanket the sky, and stars began to peek out from behind the veil. Will turned his head to steal a glance at Nico. For maybe a second, he let himself admire Nico's profile and the curve of his nose, the bend of his jawline, before pulling his gaze back towards the road.

He pulled into the apartment lot he had left Nico in the night before. As he pulled in, Nico looked like he was about to say something, maybe in protest, but ultimately decided against it.

Nico gave Will a soft smile and thankful eyes, "Thanks for the ride, Will."

"It's no problem, anytime," Will assured. He wanted to say more, but the back of his mind told him to remain silent, despite the pull in his chest. He didn't want this to be the last time he'd see Nico. He also didn't want to return to his empty apartment. He wasn't ready to be his only company again.

"Hey," Nico said, from outside the car, holding the door open and leaning in, "Text me later. Let me know what your schedule looks like so we hang out again. You're a fun guy to be with."

The tug at Will's chest rested, "Oh! Yeah, for sure!"

Nico closed the door, and left with a wave, as Will's car began to roll out of the lot.

Will exhaled a shaky breath, the feeling of loneliness beginning to flood his lungs. It was suffocating.  He drove home, trying not to lose himself to the feeling

As he walked into his empty home, he felt a buzz from his pocket. He opened his phone and saw Nico had sent a text.

just caught wind of a party happening tomorrow, any chance you're able to go? ;)

Will smiled to himself and felt some of the loneliness began to fade.

(Big thanks to my beta readers @embooks and @all-this-panic-still-no-disco !!)