#but the fact that it means canonically he has THAT LEVEL of range!!!!!!

[lecliss]

Hey what do you mean Todd Haberkorn ONLY voices Obito in Revolution???? What do you mean Todd isn't his permanent VA???? WHO THE FUCK IS MICHAEL YURCHAK???? WAIT THATS TOBI'S VA???? THE FUCKING RANGE!!!!! ITS STILL THE SAME GUY!?!?!? I wish it was Todd but I'm so conflicted now cuz Todd is SO good but the Tobi VA stayed!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[daistea]

(Def not King lurkin into your asks)

Saw that you take requests,,, 👀

What's your thoughts on a sexual relationship with Mithrun? I always get a little stumped with those requests, and you're just *chefs kiss* when it comes to your characterization of him

CRIES HELLO THANK U ILY

ummm tw: spoilers maybe? and nsfw

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

Pre-Demon

Mithrun is a total slut, sorry.

That's not a bad thing, obviously, it's just what he is. I mean, he doesn't admit or acknowledge it. He has a very difficult time accepting his preferences. He's just a slut in denial.

That's all.

Pre-Ending, Post-Trauma

Mithrun hasn't had a real boner in forty years, sorry.

He has no interest in being intimate with anyone. He's really casual about the subject, though, because the Canaries--- sans Pattadol--- are pretty honest and open with each other. Shameless.

Fleki thinks he needs to get laid, but she doesn't care enough to push the subject.

Mithrun isn't emotionless, though. He's just preoccupied. His sex drive is extremely low at this point. However, he's observant enough about others to notice how you feel.

He'll have sex just for the sake of having it. He's kinda forgotten how it feels. And he still has pleasure receptors and nerves and all that nonsense. He can still physically react. You just have to do some work. He's not going to be super enthusiastic, but still consenting ofc

Mithrun is a total pillow princess at this point.

It's a bit calming, actually. Kind of therapeutic.

He's relatively quiet, but sometimes he can't help but exhale shakily, or groan. His touches are light. He's not very passionate. But sometimes he looks at you with these slightly dark expressions, as if he's considering something more. Something you don't quite understand.

Post-Canon

It starts out slowly. Mithrun doesn't immediately regain a sex drive. It needs cultivating.

The first time is really important. Depending on who you are and what you're like, it could range from soft and explorative, to rough and frantic.

Mithrun is a switch. I see a lot of depictions of him as a bottom, and I see that point of view, I really do. But I genuinely believe he'd work both roles. He would like to be dominant sometimes. Other times, he just wants to sit back and let the new feelings take over.

He likes being called a good boy.

He doesn't really enjoy the fact that he likes being called that. It's demeaning and it kind of makes him a little irritated, but holy crap does it set him on fire. 'Good boy' should only be invoked in the most passionate or rough of moments.

Mithrun can be rough when he feels like it. He can push you against a wall with the intent to make you forget your own name. He can leave bruises with how tightly he digs his fingers in. He bites, as always, but harder.

Speaking of biting, he'll usually bite your shoulder to keep himself from making much noise.

Mithrun wants to consume you entirely. He wants every inch of you. Your focus should be on him and him only. He likes hearing his name from your lips. Over and over. And he will often ask you who you belong to. He sounds calm in those moments, though, level-headed and scratchy as always, but there's a hint of expectance between his words.

He'll say it back, too, but in a very casual way, as if he doesn't quite understand why you want him to say that. Of course he's yours. Does it need to be acknowledged?

He has no shame, either. Anywhere, any time, if he wants it then he'll initiate it. He only pulls you into private alleys or closets because he knows that's what you prefer.

When you take charge, he enjoys that too. He likes looking up at you, taking in the view, letting his hands wander.

Whether he's top or bottom really depends on his mood.

If he's feeling especially jealous or possessive, he leaves a lot of marks.

He likes praise. He doesn't really give it back, though.

He's not very talkative during the deed, but if you talk often he'll just end up clamping a hand over your mouth.

He enjoys wrapping his fingers around your neck. He doesn't really like that in return, though.

No mirror sex.

He really likes oral. He can be a little selfish with it, actually.

Mithrun isn't a sadist LOL but he does like to tie you up sometimes and leave you hanging. It also depends on how you are as a person and what your dynamic is like.

If he's not in a dominant mood, he's a pillow princess again. Those are the days when he's not feeling as much, when he's not as locked in to his desires. Or, when he's just mentally or physically tired.

No matter what mood, he still needs a lot of care and affection. He needs every ounce of your focus.

He doesn't provide much aftercare. You're the one doing that, no matter who topped. But he eventually learns a bit and starts kinda reciprocating out of sheer habit, because he knows it would make you happy.

As I always say, Mithrun stares a lot. His gaze follows you everywhere, and he'll never get tired of the sight of your body.

He sorta passes out afterwards. It's one of the rare times when he doesn't need a sleep spell. He often will just pass out on top of you.

In general, he's a switch and how he acts is highly dependent on his mood for the day. He needs a lot of attention and affection, and likes to mark you up. He lacks shame, he'll initiate it anywhere. He's relatively quiet, but breathy. Sometimes, he touches you like you're porcelain about to crack. Other times, he manhandles you like a rag doll and does whatever he pleases. If you're able to, manhandle him in return, he'll probably get a little pissy with you but it's still funny.

:0 !

★・・・・・・★

[10yrratiolover]

giving my thoughts and ideas on Ratio's character stories

I wouldn't call this much of an analysis but we'll see how it goes

Starting out with his first character story, most of it is Professor Rond's recommendation letter.

I'd like to start by sharing my thoughts about Ratio and Rond first before actually getting into dissecting the letter itself.

So, firstly, I'd like to mention that (to my knowledge) we have never heard of or from Ratio's parents. I find that ironic considering what a big shot he is, I doubt that his parents would ever willingly shut up about their son.

Reading that Rond had a 'significant influence on Ratio's upbringing' particularly stands out to me because, at least at the time of the original letter being written, Ratio was in secondary school (Grade 9-12, though some of the wording in the letter lead me to believe he was likely on the lower end of that range).

Now, a high school teacher having a 'significant influence' on someone's upbringing isn't necessarily uncommon, nor are old teachers proud of their past students becoming extremely successful. However these points, alongside the fact that Ratio's parents are nowhere to be seen in canon, lead me to believe that there was some sort of familial relationship between them, especially seeing Rond's reaction to being asked about Ratio as well as how he had kept the original letter.

Moving on to the actual letter.

Grade skipping is a pretty common practice where I'm from, as it allows learning at the appropriate/needed level (ignoring the fact that the school system is in shambles).

However, the way this is phrased is as if Rond were trying to convince him to be able to skip grades. If he were in grade 11 or 12 I feel like it would not have been phrased this way, which is what leads me to believe he was likely younger, possibly fresh out of middle school.

The highlight on creativity is just because it makes me smile honestly, also it ties into one of my earlier posts about how I think Ratio would adore the subject of art.

I would like to return to my point of Rond being a potential parental figure to Ratio, seeing as he seems to know his daily routine well enough to confidently write about it in his letter of recommendation.

On to his second character story, which is mostly online posts in a thread-like format.

It wasn't until his eighth doctoral degree that he was awarded with First Class Honors, also since he is the first person to receive such in two amber eras it means he was likely the only one on stage at that time.

It also states that at the time he was already a prominent figure in society, which doesn't surprise me given the accomplishments listed by Rond in the letter despite him being in high school at the time it was written. However, he would most likely be an adult by the time he finished his eighth doctorate.

No real comment on this I found it funny that they put etc instead of continuing to list fields.

I also just find these funny and wanted to share them, but the disagreement on the last comment shows how much people admire him. I feel like that's a topic that's rather watered down in the fandom, but people genuinely admire Ratio a lot and there's plenty of reason for them to.

full-time university teachers tend to teach about 5 courses per academic year, meaning Ratio has been teaching for about 10 years.

Moving onto the third story, which is a statement from a former assistant of his about his desire to join the genius society.

I find this to be an interesting point, it seems like joining the Genius Society would be an obvious next step for a man with so many accomplishments but it's stated not once, but twice that he has never spoken about the subject (to the public at least).

I am a believer in the theory that Ratio hasn't been allowed into the Genius Society due to his humanity/compassion and his desire to spread knowledge to everyone, and I feel like this specification that he's never spoken about the topic could add to this theory.

This paragraph never fails to break my heart, but I do want to talk about the mention of an anti-planetary weapon. I feel like this Anti-planetary weapon that he spent years perfecting was a final attempt at proving to Nous that he wasn't too compassionate or too humane to receive their gaze. I remember reading about this idea more in detail elsewhere and if I can find the analyzation then I'll link it here.

Also, I feel like deep down he always knew that he wouldn't be accepted into the Genius Society, but this day, as Margaret states, was the day he finally realized it, or, fully swallowed that pill.

I find these comments to be interesting as well since they specify the narrow-mindedness of the society however, there is this comment from the Data Bank;

This comment I admittedly stumbled across when looking for something else, but I feel like it perfectly encapsulates Ratio's entire dilemma with the Genius Society, maybe not to Ratio himself but it certainly applies to everyone who comments on his achievements being worthy of Nous' approval.

I am also quite curious about who exactly wrote the 'Decoding Dr. Ratio' that we have read from in all of his character stories. They seem to have a lot of connections for someone who would typically be seen as just another paparazzi or media interviewer, I'm surprised the people listed in his stories would agree to an interview.

Onto his final story, which is about his personality and methods of sharing knowledge.

I mentioned this comment in my character notes post but I find it extremely charming that Ratio remains the same and refuses to change himself or his personality to satisfy those around him.

It is also commented in his second character story by a previous professor of his that his honesty and straightforwardness were a 'Breath of fresh air' at the University.

I love the implication that either; nobody in the entire room had any questions (unlikely), or that they were simply too scared to ask them.

I also find the comment that 'Whenever someone agrees with me, I feel like I must be wrong.' Perhaps he's gotten used to being the only one thinking the way he is or the possibility that people only agree with him so they sound intelligent themselves and weren't truly listening or understanding.

I find these comments interesting as well, a majority of the fandom mischaracterizes Ratio as mean or rude although he literally explains his viewpoints where anyone can access it (which does honestly prove his point about how knowledge is not for everyone.)

[mofsblog]

Uh oh, I got reminded TFGraves exist and I'm mentally ill and going to make it YOUR problem!! (Translation: I'm going to gosh about them)

They just mean so much to me? And they just feel soo?? Special?? And unique on a meta level as well? It's already one thing that they are a canonised mlm pairing because historically those ones tend to be more controversial because it tends to make cishet dudes (aka leagues main demographic) more uncomfortable because cant fetishise it (also yes they're not Technically "together" but idc its explicitly canon they have feelings for eachother). It's another that both are surprisingly developed and nuanced charaters (could go on for hours about how theyre both self destructive and have abandonment issues and repress their feelings in very different ways) that are morally ambiguous and have a complex and multifaceted relationship with eachother and yeah i know league lore is subject to retcons and having differet writers but idk. i think its impressive we got two nuanced developed queer male characters WITH A COMPLICATED AND DEVELOPED RELATIONSHIP WITH EACHOTHER in a game known for its bigotted player base. Another thing i fucking love about this ship is how the riot writers were like "what if we subverted some tropes and made the more flamboyant one implied pan and we made the traditionally masculine one, who highkey has toxic masculinity, gay". BUT ALSO HIS TOXIC MASCULINITY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS QUEERNESS. like yes he cant express his feelings directly to save his life but the fact he's a gay man is completely not relevant to that and he's canonically had a bunch of ex boyfriends and is canonically a monsterfucker/hj. I'm not over how they took a pretty cishet masculine thing and made queer. Like the rough outlaw who hates talking about his feelings and is out for violent revenge on those who've wronged him..... except the guy who's "wronged" him is actually his best friend who he has mutual feelings for and also he fucks men. IDK THAT MAKES ME HAPPY. im insane.

moving on to other thing i like about them is that the sheer range this ship has??? Like yes there's gut wrenching fucked up dynamic that drives you crazy as you pyschoanalyse and unpack the layers of all of THAT. "that" being the fact a man thought he got abandoned by his best friend and got tortured and isolated in prison for 10 years and during those 10 years the only thing that kept him from killing himself was the sheer rage and want for vengence (towards someone he probably had repressed romantic feelings for) AND THEN WHEN HE GOT THE CHANCE TO KILL HIM, HE COULDNT BRING HIMSELF TO DO IT 💀 (im literally never going to be normal about that) and during those 10 years the other man actually got all of their mutual friends killed in an attempt to save him and the survivors guilt fucked him up so bad its implied he failed trying to drown himself so he changed his entire name and personhood instead to isolate himself from the soul crushing guilt of it. BUT DESPITE THAT ANGST, there's a surprising amount of domesticity and comfort with this ship??? No like you'd think these two would be friends to enemies to lovers BUT NO, theyre actually friends to enemies to friends to friends who are fucking pinning for eachother like crazy. Despite the angsty dynamic these two also have the best friends who have known eachother for ages and who everyone think is dating but both are oblivious or dont believe the other feels the same BUT THEY ALSO HAVE opposites attract bickering marriage couple who constantly tease and banter with eachother. like the range is crazy

No but I feel like something that makes me emotional about this is that they tried to kill eachother and badly hurt eachother unintentionally but like, instead of being homophobic about it and making them just hate eachother forever and never reconcicle (which like those ships are amazing and valid and also thats literally another league ship/hj), the writers made them make up???? AND LIKE? HEAL? KINDA? Like no they havent worked through everything and no neither of them like talking about their feelings but they're "partners" again and they have this really domestic understanding of eachother and theyre managing and theyre bantering like they used to and theyre literally so comfortable around eachother and look, graves isnt tormented by his time in prison as much anymore and hes just a genuinely goofy criminal dumbass who robs people and cracks jokes that irriate his partner AND IDK ITS SO DOMESTIC AND FUNNY? BUT IT DOESNT FEEL OUT OF CHARACTER. THESE TWO JUST ARE IN A GOOD PLACE DESPITE EVERYTHING AND IDK THAT MAKES ME HAPPY???? why did league of legends make compelling queer ship

[nonbinaryspy]

Cheren and Bianca are very effectively designed narrative foils. In their BW art, Bianca is cheerfully and somewhat absentmindedly greeting the world, while Cheren is more closed off and contemplative. Their BW2 art showcases their growth, with Cheren looking more open, vulnerable, and earnest than in the past, whereas Bianca looks more capable and comfortable with herself as she embraces the life she wants rather than the one her parents dictated. What I find so effective is that the details of their BW2 designs draw from each other's BW designs, demonstrating their mirrored arcs and their influence on each other.

The thing itching at my brain right now is their color schemes. The shade of blue he wears is directly opposite her shade of orange on the color wheel. Her shade of green and his shade of red admittedly aren't literal complementary colors, but they still complement each other quite well. But while her hair is blonde, Cheren's ranges from a very dark blue to black.

But hm, what's this?

His eyes are close to purple! In fact, this color is directly opposite her hair color. True childhood friends complete the color wheel together.

In BW2, though... He loses his red glasses while she gains a pair, and his tie clip is green, one of her colors. Red has many strong/passionate associations, whereas green is often considered a more healing/soothing color. On top of that, his design has significantly less black than before and has more white, whereas hers has less white than before and gains some black. Other than the obvious title reference, this also feels notable due to his name meaning black while hers means white.

This is to say nothing of him growing his hair out to a similar length/shape as hers (with segments that point down where hers point up), making Lillipup his ace (with Lillipup being the first Pokémon Bianca caught in BW, whereas Cheren caught Purrloin, previously giving him more of a cat-like association and her more of a dog-like association), and taking on a more nurturing mode as a teacher. Whereas he used to be more judgmental, thanks to his growth during BW, he is now shown to have a friendly, encouraging presence toward younger trainers in particular, such as the BW2 MC and Hugh, which is a role that Bianca shares as well.

Meanwhile, as an aspiring Pokémon professor, Bianca has arguably become the cast's resident know-it-all and travels around doing research on legendary Pokémon, quite an ambitious undertaking. The fact that she's now the one wearing glasses fits their stereotypical association with nerdiness/intelligence. Despite deciding not to focus on battles, she still participates in the Pokémon World Tournament. In Pokémas, she gets more serious about battling, in part due to Cheren's encouragement.

All of this despite them not even seeing each other in person between games. Channeling their childhood friend through the ether. Truly they're on some other level.

Jokes aside, none of this comes out of nowhere! In BW, around Icirrus City, he references confiding in her off-screen about his doubts re: his own priorities, and in his endgame speech, he lists her even before Alder as someone who influenced his growth (though of course, Alder's influence is also extremely important, along with the MC and others). As for Bianca, in addition to being inspired by career women(/girls) like Juniper, Elesa, and Iris, she mentions in Pokemas that it stuck with her in BW when Cheren defined strength as the ability to help others. That's spinoff canon, obviously, but very cute!

Another cute spinoff canon detail: in the same Pokemas event, Cheren frequently references the idea of 'taking a new step,' something Bianca values, and he also talks positively about the changes in them both. This despite the fact that in BW2, he mentions he prefers when things stay the same.

For contrast's sake, I want to bring up how the characters are introduced at the very beginning of BW. Juniper says about Cheren: "He can be a little difficult, but he's a very honest person." And re: Bianca: "She's a little flighty, but she works very hard." These descriptions make it seem like Cheren will represent the game's theme of truth, while Bianca will represent ideals, which would make sense with their archetypes. However, Bianca is actually the one who represents truth (the truth of what she can do, the truths she wants to learn about Pokémon), and Cheren is the one who represents ideals (his ideal of using strength to help people, the ideals he passes along as a teacher). Their introductions set up how important role reversal becomes to this dynamic. This Pokemas official art demonstrates this beautifully as well, with their BW and BW2 poses mirroring each other.

Honestly, I could keep making roundabout points, or I could just post Pokemas dialogues where she's talking about trying to keep up a win streak as a Neo Champion while he's talking about how important it is to be friends with your Pokémon.

Speaking of Pokemas, it's also worth mentioning that Bianca talks about how affirming it was to realize that she's her own person, with her own strengths and interests, and doesn't need to compare herself to her friends. <3 And again, these two meet many other people who impact their separate journeys. This is all more to say that as they go through their parallel coming-of-age stories, their influence on each other is so acute that they literally wear it on their sleeves.

So, do I have a point? Well. Mostly just that this, too, is yuri.

[alexandraisyes]

i’ve been thinking about dark sun for a while now so i’m dropping my thoughts into your ask box

when dark sun was first introduced i took ONE look at that mf and went “this man is def schizoid.”

i’m gonna dump the dsm criteria for szpd in here real quick

DSM-5 Criteria

- A pervasive pattern of detachment from social relationships and a restricted range of expression of emotions in interpersonal settings, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:

1. Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family.

2. Almost always chooses solitary activities.

3. Has little, if any, interest in having intimate experiences with another person. (note: i changed the wording from sexual to intimate here because it can be seen as an attempt to pathologize asexuality, and that’s not very cool of the DSM)

4. Takes pleasure in few, if any, activities.

5. Lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives.

6. Appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others.

7. Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity.

disclaimer here, considering the recent lore on dark sun, i don’t think he’s Entirely Schizoid anymore, but he def has Some Traits. I’ll mostly just be talking about my earlier thoughts on him before all the shit with Ruin, Nexus, and Eclipse happened

when he was first introduced (and through some of his subsequent interactions) i could SMELL the apathy and anhedonia on this bitch. i mean LOOK at this man

dark sun was obviously Very Detached and seemed unbothered by his solitude/overall Lack of Social Relationships, in fact i think he preferred it

i can’t say anything about him enjoying any activities (even with current lore) (which in it of itself might say something about him) i’m not sure if this guy truly Enjoys anything he does, he seems quite apathetic to it all

him lacking close confidents is. kind of self explanatory, he was very much Alone in his dimension (moon does not count, i’m not sure if that guy was even functional). his indifference is also self explanatory i think

i already mentioned his Detachment, but he definitely experiences flattened activity, i don’t think we’ve ever seen him sound/be remotely emotional

he also does appear to experience some level of grandiosity/superiority complex, which is actually something that can be experienced with SZPD (not to be confused with grandiosity in NPD)

for SZPD, they may experience grandiosity as a defense mechanism. it should be noted that people with SZPD who display these behaviors may not believe they are a “great” person. rather it’s a mask to protect themselves. think of it as a means to maintain their independence (avoid being “controlled”) or cover up their own emotional inavailability.

here’s a tumblr post with some screenshots about SZPD & grandiosity (from a book about SZPD) that you may find useful: https://hauntedselves.tumblr.com/post/715822672943202304/schizoid-defences-omnipotence-and-grandiosity

now, does dark sun genuinely believe he’s great/superior? honestly idk LMAO if anyone has any idea lmk

ANYWAYS, this is probably really jumbled (rip) but i tried my best. i’m just a guy with szpd who thinks it’s Really Neat when characters display symptoms of a disorder i have

i hope you enjoyed my Thoughts 🐐

Hi and thanks for the ask! And it actually makes a lot of sense as to why you would think he has ScPD considering it's commonly mixed up with ASPD by the general public.

Firstly, I think it's important to recognize that ScPD is a Cluster A disorder, and ASPD (his canon diagnosis) is a Cluster B disorder. The two clusters have similar but different criteria and generalized behaviors.

Both disorders involve difficulties in social interactions. ScPD individuals have discomfort in close relationships and may exhibit eccentric behaviors, while those with ASPD may disregard others' rights and engage in manipulative or deceitful behavior. People with ScPD may exhibit paranoid thoughts and suspiciousness, which can superficially resemble the manipulative and distrustful behaviors seen in ASPD.

ScPD is characterized by eccentric behavior, odd beliefs, and social anxiety. In contrast, ASPD involves a lack of empathy, disregard for social norms, and manipulative or anti-social behavior. Individuals with ScPD often behave oddly due to cognitive distortions and discomfort in social situations, not intending harm. Those with ASPD often act with intentional disregard for others' rights and may engage in harmful behavior without remorse.

Mental health professionals use structured diagnostic tools and criteria (like those in the DSM-5) to distinguish between these disorders accurately. This process includes detailed interviews, psychological assessments, and consideration of the individual's history and behavior patterns. This second part is especially important because if you look at the DSM-5 criteria a lot of behaviors are generalized and therefore a lot of different specific behaviors get glossed over. This is how I ended up with an autism diagnosis (I am not autistic in the slightest) and almost got shackled with a BPD diagnosis too because the people diagnosing me weren't taking the time to figure out what I was actually like and listening to the general behaviors.

Misunderstanding can occur in non-clinical settings due to a lack of detailed knowledge about the specific features of each disorder. The term "personality disorder" itself can lead to confusion, as people might assume all personality disorders have similar characteristics. Media often portrays individuals with personality disorders in a sensationalized manner. For example, characters with ASPD are frequently depicted in media as violent criminals or masterminds, while those with SCPD might be shown as eccentric loners or “weirdos.” These portrayals lack the nuance of real-life experiences and can lead to stereotypical views that do not accurately represent the spectrum of symptoms or the daily challenges faced by individuals with these disorders.

Some symptoms can appear similar across different personality disorders, leading to confusion. For instance, both ASPD and SCPD can involve social difficulties, but for very different reasons. Without a thorough understanding of the specific criteria for each disorder, people might conflate the two or misinterpret behaviors.

I think it's important to remember that as far as canon goes, he was labeled with ASPD from the get-go, and they have been extremely consistent with portraying ASPD traits in his character. However, as far as fanon goes, do whatever you want bro. I'm in full support of having headcanons and such.

As far as superiority, survey says yes. However, not in the sense of grandiosity that comes with arrogance or the belief that one is better than others which is commonly associated with disorders like NPD and ScPD, as well as others. I actually talked about what it's like for someone with ASPD/low empathy in this regard and I'll go ahead and grab that.

Fourthly, as someone who believes themself to be both superior and inferior of their peers at most all times, but never an equal, as well as having experience with other's who are similar to myself in nature, I will have to debunk that last statement entirely. You cannot feel superior to something if you do not understand it, because how else are you able to make that judgement. Most often people who genuinely know that they are above their peers understand their peers more than their peers understand themselves, and it is not a snobbish, arrogant superiority, but rather a knowledge, deep and lonesome in nature, that you will be lucky to chance upon another who can match your own understanding. It is not a cruel, vindictive behavior, but rather the turn of pages and the avoidance of others because they exhaust you by being overly concerned with things that you know have no real importance. People around you are tedious at worst, and amusing at best. There is a difference between genuinely being superior and being casted in this knowledge that is fact, and considering yourself better than another person. More often than not those who are genuinely above others in their understanding are the ones who are most aware that they are then rendered as less than, for they can no longer comfortably exist among their peers, and as humans are social creatures, one who cannot do such at ease are cast aside by the crowds as well. It creates both a hermit and a pariah out of a being.

This specific snippet was from a debate about Gemini having low empathy but also applies to characters (and people) with ASPD.

Also thank you for coming in here to share! I think you raise a lot of good points that would have been extremely relevant and informative, and still are extremely informative. Maybe not as relevant however since we already know that Helios is canonically ASPD, haha. However, it was so nice to hear your thoughts and about you're experiences (indirectly), so thank you so much for sharing (again)!

[ancientcraftnoccultism]

Beginner Class - Introduction to Meditation

Ancient Craft & Occultism

Introduction to Meditation

___

By KB

Introduction

Hello again, everyone! Welcome back to the next lesson for the Beginner Class. Last lesson, we talked about finding your personal center as well as a bit more in depth on grounding. Well, today, we'll be taking a closer look at the many forms and practices of meditation.

What Is Meditation?

Meditation is an essential aspect of witchcraft and magic practice as it allows you to interact with the universe (or your higher power) through conscious thought and focused desire. Ritual, spellwork, and your regular thoughts and speech are examples of other techniques. Meditation is a discipline in which one trains the mind and creates a state of consciousness in order to gain some advantage. Meditation encompasses a wide range of different activities and practices. We will go into more detail in the following sections.

Nearly every culture in the world has some connection to meditation. Whatever the design, they are typically intended to encourage connecting with spiritual guidance, feeling at ease, developing inner strength, having psychic visions, becoming closer to God, remembering former lives, going on astral journeys, and more. Meditation is a well-known, age-old technique that has been used for millennia to promote calmness, concentration, and connection with our inner selves. The benefits of meditation on the mind, body, and soul are reciprocal.

A Brief History

In actuality, nobody is certain of the exact beginning and location of meditation. But our theories are supported by facts. This ancient rite is mentioned in many civilizations and religions, including Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Islam, and Christianity. All of these faiths have something to offer to the modern understanding of meditation as it is practiced today. Although the history of meditation is controversial, many people think it began there more than 5000 years ago.

India Origins

It is generally accepted that the Vedas, a collection of Hindu writings, include the oldest written account of meditation. The Vedic books were written around 1500 BCE. The Vedas include mention of a practice known as "Dhyana," which is considered to be the first example of meditation that we are aware of. In Sanskrit, the word "dhyana" implies "contemplation" or "meditation." It is intended to calm the mind and attain "thoughtless awareness." However, Vedantism is frequently rejected by Buddhist beliefs in favor of the Buddha's teachings.

The various Buddhist levels of meditation can also be found in other ancient Indian scriptures dating back to the first century BCE. These texts are known as the Pli Canon Sutras. The Pli Canon is a body of Theravada Buddhist literature. And then there's Buddha. Siddhartha Gautama, an Indian prince, was the inspiration for Buddha. He was looking for a means to end human pain. Gautama attempted numerous strategies, but none of them seemed to work. He sat down under a tree one day and determined not to move until he discovered the solution he sought. He attained enlightenment after 49 days of meditating and started the Buddhist faith. The practice of meditation is claimed to have spread throughout India from there. Buddhist monks embraced meditation as a means of achieving inner peace, frequently sitting for hours in silence, meditating on their master's teachings.

Asia Origins

Around the sixth century BCE, the practice of meditation spread to China, where it was influenced by Taoism and Buddhism. At the end of the Han dynasty, Buddhist monks from India introduced meditation to China. Over the next century, the practice began to blend into Chinese culture. The Taoists also believed in the efficacy of meditation and devised their own techniques for mind-stilling. One famous Taoist meditation practice is known as "Qigong." Qigong is a type of moving meditation that entails slow, gentle motions as well as deep breathing. Meditation extended from China to Japan, Korea, and other parts of Asia. Zen Buddhists perform "Zazen," a type of meditation practiced in Japan.

The technique was introduced to Japan by the Japanese monk Dosho, who journeyed to China to study Buddhism under the famous master Hsuan Tsang. Zazen, which translates as "seated meditation," is sitting in quiet with one's eyes closed. Korea has its own type of meditation known as "Won," which is based on Buddhist and Taoist concepts. It is a sort of moving meditation in which gentle, rhythmic motions are used to calm the body and mind.

Western Origins

Meditation became popular in the Western world in the twentieth century. Maharishi Mahesh Yogi was among the first Westerners to popularize meditation. Maharishi is most known for popularizing the technique of "transcendental meditation" in the 1960s. The Yogis are a Hindu group that believes in the power of meditation to help one achieve enlightenment. The term "yoga" truly means "union" or "connection." Yoga seeks to unite the mind, body, and soul.

Other Yogis, such as Paramahansa Yogananda, who penned the classic book "Autobiography of a Yogi," also contributed to the introduction of meditation to the West. Maharishi's method of meditation is closing our eyes and reciting a mantra. A mantra is a word or phrase that is repeated repeatedly. The idea is to concentrate on the chant while clearing our brains.

Meditation & Spirituality

Spirituality is a broad topic with numerous interpretations. In general, it encourages a sense of connection to something larger than ourselves, as well as a connection with your higher self or higher awareness. It promotes the search for meaning in life and living with a broader perspective. It has a highly global appeal--something that all humans can relate to. A spiritual experience may be described as sacred, ethereal, mystical, or transcendent, or simply as a deep sense of positive emotions such as calm, amazement, wonder, connectivity, contentment, appreciation, acceptance, compassion, and unconditional love. All of these are true characteristics of our spirit.

Spiritual meditation, as the term implies, is that which connects you to your spirit. It pushes you past your limiting identities and labels to the core of who you truly are. You as your authentic self - joy, love, and tranquility. You may feel a rain of grace and happiness, as well as a deep sense of closeness and oneness, if you practice spiritual meditation. The desire to practice spiritual meditation stems from an underlying desire to perceive and think beyond the apparent world. Spiritual meditation can assist you in discovering the everlasting truth and meaning of existence. It keeps you anchored in the present moment, where you want to be and find peace.

Any genuine meditation practice, when practiced over time, can aid in your spiritual growth and will begin to provide the following spiritual benefits:

A balanced and grounded sense of being

Experience of deep inner stillness and peace

Radiating serenity, calmness, and love

A sense of awakening and freedom

Less emotional reactions

More awareness and mindfulness

Sense of inner bliss regardless of situation

The feeling of always being home

Belonging and connecting to all

Great abundance and security

Increased creativity and free thinking

More resilient to anger and stress

Meditation & General Health

Although meditation has been practiced for many years and is known to have many positive effects on the mind, it is only recently that science has established a strong connection between meditation and physical health. It's simple to feel overpowered by ideas and emotions in the fast-paced world of today. We all know the damage stress and anxiety can do to our health. Stress and anxiety are frequently caused by emotional overload. Nowadays, professionals from all over the world agree that practicing mindfulness for a little period of time each day can make a huge difference. The advantages of meditation for both the body and the mind are well-documented and very compelling. Here's just a few ways frequent meditation can improve our overall health.

daily meditation practice can improve blood circulation, lower the heart rate and help maintain a healthy heart

frequent mindfulness sessions seemed to improve meditators’ immune system functions

produces positive, lasting changes within the brain

meditation not only supports memory and attention, it also enhances mental agility and alertness

women, in general, who practice mindfulness are more aware and accepting of their bodies (also helps with PMS pain)

meditation develops mental awareness and can help you manage triggers for unwanted impulses

meditation can diminish the perception of pain in the brain

blood pressure decreases not only during meditation but also over time in individuals who meditate regularly

Meditation & Witchcraft

As magical practitioners and witches, one of the most important things we can master is the art of meditation. It allows us to still the soul and quiet the mind, which, in turn, allows us to listen to our intuition and focus on our personal energy. Meditation can also be used as a gateway for higher awareness or entering the astral realm.

Now, meditating may not come easy for a lot of you. This is perfectly normal. When I first started practicing, I had a feeling inside that made me feel extremely goofy, and stupid. The more I ignored it, the louder and stronger it grew. I eventually sat with the voice and came to the conclusion that it was my ego, driven by fear and insecurity. The more I sat with the voice, the less I felt stupid about things. I believe this was my initiative into shadow work. Anyways, back to class -

Utilizing meditation within your craft will prove to be absolutely essential the more you do ritual and spell work. Don't give up hope if "conventional" methods don't work for you. We're going to get into several different techniques of achieving the same meditative state.

Types of Meditation

There are so many different types of meditation, if I went into them all, this lesson would turn into an entire chapter. I'm just going to keep it sweet and simple here, but I absolutely encourage you to look into different methods, especially if none of the ones I have listed work for you. Let's get to it.

Active Meditation

Sitting in silence for even 2 minutes may sound like absolute torture for a lot of you. Good news is, that's not the only way to meditate. Have you ever done a yoga class, a workout session, or even taken a nice, fresh shower & felt a sense of bliss? Well, you experienced a meditative state of mind. You can do this by getting out in nature, cleaning the house, performing an art form, anything that involves movement can be a form of active meditation! Woo-hoo for us neurodivergents!

Body Scan

This method allows you to reconnect the mind to the body in a way that notices any physical sensations or tension. While relaxation naturally happens here, the goal is to pay attention to sensory experiences you typically don't notice. This allows you to be more present in your day to day life and is also a wonderful grounding and centering technique.

Mindful Breathing

The body is wiser than the mind, and this technique proves it. It is a very simple, mindless method, but has very profound effects on the body and mind. There are several breathing techniques out there, which I encourage you all to research on your own. All have different effects on the mind and body, so please be sure to choose one that is suitable for you.

Visual Meditation

This is when you focus your mind's eye, or your imagination, into an image to center the mind and the body. The main focus is to imagine and hone in on a memory or something creative and nice that opens the mind's eye. This is a wonderful exercise for those who want to enhance their visualizing abilities.

Sound Meditation

Again, this is exactly as it sounds. This meditation uses sound to provoke a meditative state of mind and align the bodily energies.

[philosophicalparadox]

Itachi is a Weird Kid(tm)

These need to exit my tired brain so I am releasing the wild, naked baby plot bunnies upon ye:

Some of these points are paragraphs because that’s just my style, but this one’s not super long (for me 😅) so I’ll leave it no-cut.

He is more fond of plants and birds than people. That he’s an introvert surprises nobody but it’s worth mentioning.

He doesn’t know how to have a “normal”conversation with normal people; he’s been so conditioned by his Shinobi centric/Child soldier life that he literally doesn’t know how to talk to civilians at their level, so to speak. An ordinary conversation about ordinary, every day things is either boring and meaningless, or completely lost on him in most cases.

He is somewhat accidentally piscivarian/ predominantly vegetarian. This is more an observation of canon than a HC. His character/data sheet does mention that he’s fond of vegetables, particularly crunchy ones like cabbage and peppers, and utterly hates red meat, but we do see him eating fish and I don’t think he’d be opposed to chicken or eggs either, whatever that would make him. (I could go on and on about how this, among other things, queer codes tf out of him, but I will refrain)

To that effect, he has absolutely stellar foraging skills, particularly with regards to edible and medicinal plants. He could survive on his own for quite some time if he needed to, and I suspect he did for a while before joining the Akatsuki.

Many of Itachi’s “weaknesses” in fact make him more dangerous, not less — that is to say, they make him unpredictable. To whit, in my opinion, his weaknesses are:

Small Children (protective brother instinct, or maybe a paternal one) — these will give him pause in most situations, but lord help whoever thinks it’s a good idea to try using that against him. He will do anything he can to avoid hurting or killing a child, but that does not work out to mean they make good leverage — he’s much too clever and knows how to put on a show to fake his opponents out a little too well. He’s not necessarily afraid to frighten a child either if it means they live to see another day, though if it can be avoided all the better. But what makes it dangerous is that his whole disposition changes when there’s children involved. If you don’t know him well one might not notice, but it’s a palpable change, a charged kind of energy he doesn’t typically have otherwise — an opponents threat level to him personally ceases to matter quite as much as their relative threat to the child. One of the few situations in which he might go out of his way to start a fight with a civilian or other typical non-combatant.

His Stress Response: Itachi is not someone who ever had the option to flee in most cases as a child. So he’s developed a Freeze-Fight pipeline. When confronted with something that scares him, he will, situationally, freeze, first — not bad for a Shinobi, really, as freezing makes one less noticeable and might give one time to assess. Given the option, he would like to do that, but in the event he can not, whether because the opponent is moving or the situation is overwhelming or too stressful, he will immediately switch to Fight. Good when you’re being attacked. Not so good when the PTSD flashbacks get you or a nightmare wakes you up ready to throw hands. The real danger of the Freeze-Fight pipeline is that it presents the illusion that his Threshold of Tolerance is higher than it actually is; He can therefore seem very, explosively unpredictable when he’s under extreme stress. If he’s actually terrified, you will not typically know it until he is so scared he lashes out. And the lash-out/freak out might seem disproportionate as a result of whatever is going on in his head.

6. He is surprisingly invisible. Despite being an Uchiha, despite having a widely known name, despite having fairly wide ranging reputation, he can be very effective as an undercover agent because he just… blends in. He’s not loud. He’s not aggressive. He’s not very noticeable at all, especially without his cloak. Adding to this, I personally believe in making him at least partially abide by his name, and thus posit that he has an unusual gift for the use of Henge, despite canon not mentioning it. It would be all too suitable for someone named after a shape-shifter to be skilled in the art of transforming himself into not only other people, but animals as well (which is supposedly the hardest kind of Henge to accomplish consistently).

7. He is…basically a cat, lol. Is borderline obsessively clean, keeps things tidy, doesn’t like being touched without permission, is moody as all hell, and very…demanding, in his own quiet way. Communicates with his body language more than one would assume, in that if he’s there, he’s there for a reason. Example being if he wanted to comfort someone— rather than making a fuss over them he’d probably just offer his company by moving closer, paralleling, etc. giving them space to bring it up or set it down. He never had much personal freedom as a kid, so he tries to be generous with others and not pry into their business unless he really needs to. He also communicates with his body in other ways related to staging — where he is in proximity to others — by drifting closer to those he trusts and keeping away from those he does not, I.e if he were traveling with a contractor or other akatsuki members in addition to his own partner, he may drift toward Kisame and stay next to him as opposed to trying to be in any particular position within the group.

8. This one’s more focused on other characters perception of him, but he is Weird in that for all his nasty reputation and abilities, he’s very demure and non-confrontational. He would rather not use his powers if he doesn’t strictly need to, and with regards to wayward animals he’s quite gentle, when he can afford to be.

9. On that note: his crows are his family damn near. He inherited these crows from Shisui, so they mean a good deal to him on the whole, although he will sacrifice them if he has to. But this is something he does with deep regret and respect, and the crows are just smart enough to sort of understand. They love him, he is their flock friend, and they will defend him/look after him of their own volition to the best of their ability. He could use his sharingan to trick them, and will if he must, but crows are much too clever to make a habit of it; it’s better for everyone if he goes out of his way to be their friend. Crows are a very difficult familiar/summons to have, because they’re insanely smart for an animal and they communicate with each other much like people do. You’ve no choice but to carefully cultivate your relationship with them, because if they decide they don’t like you, they will never let you forget it. They’re perfect for someone who is meticulous and kind like Itachi. You can not be mean or careless to a crow and expect them to forgive you.

I’m sure I’ll think of more, but until then Enjoy.

And please, Anti people of any flavor, don’t even bother. I won’t play those games.

[poorlittleyaoyao]

Okay! Trying this again now that it's not midnight, because I'm still on my bullshit but have more words now. What I do not have is my copies of the first two novel volumes, since I am traveling, so I can't do direct quotes.

We know that, at some point, JGY and XY became cultivators. IIRC, it is stated in Volume 1 that becoming a cultivator without a golden core is possible but it's unorthodox and unlikely--even moreso given that a golden core in MDZS/CQL is akin to an organ that can be permanently destroyed/remove rather than an energy reserve from your qi being super swole. Demonic cultivation is appealing in part because it operates under a different set of parameters, and (though the world at large doesn't know this) WWX invents it in large part to compensate for the loss of his core.

We can also safely assume that the means to do this aren't accessible to everyone. We see peddlers hawking dubious cultivation materials. JGY tells his sworn brothers about the fraudulent pamphlets his mother purchased for him as a child and laments that she and people like her have no way of knowing that they're useless. (Since this statement goes unchallenged by LXC, NMJ, or WWX's narration, I think we can take this particular JGY assertion at face value.) In Yi City, WWX explains the "folk wisdom" practiced by regular people, ranging from the effective (the rice congee to absorb poison, the mortuary's high threshold to keep corpses from hopping away) to the superstitious (the paper effigies and joss money), and WWX reminds the juniors that these people don't have cultivation knowledge of their own. All of this suggests that there is no freely-accessible bank of cultivation knowledge, demonic or otherwise. There are no old-timey YouTube tutorials, and there is no indication that a person can roll up to a sect like it's nbd in this particular universe for formal education.

WHICH BRINGS ME BACK TO MY ORIGINAL POINT, which is: how did JGY and XY become cultivators in the first place?

JGY has acquired some level of cultivation by the time he's working with the Nie, albeit with a shaky foundation that both he and Narrator WWX identify as a deficit he'll need to compensate for with breadth over depth. How did he develop his power without formal training or reliable study materials? Teenage XY has somehow become capable enough for the Jin clan to see him as an asset, despite the fact that he is a feral street urchin who can't even read as a child, and demonic cultivation is a brand-new technology, as it were. Where, when, and how did he teach himself? What skills did he demonstrate that caught JGY's interest?

Since this story is not about JGY and XY's professional journeys, the text doesn't have an explanation. (Or, if it does, this website and also the wiki have been slipping, because "how the hell does JGY even have a core?" has vexed me since 2021.) There isn't a definitive answer here! What I am curious about--because I cannot possibly be the only one who wonders about worldbuilding ramifications and what offscreen events brought these characters to where they are, and I think it is fair to wonder about the mechanics of things that a text itself brings up--is people's personal headcanons.

So! Canon-compliant Xue Yang and/or Jin Guangyao enjoyers! Tell me how you personally explain their whole deal! Bonus points for telling me how it changes for CQL, bc both of them are coming from very different places there, and an MDZS-compliant explanation won't work for CQL and vice versa. Bonus BONUS points if you have fic exploring it that you can link.

[ninadove]

i can’t pick a snippet but whatever meta you want from sometimes it’s worth it all to risk the fall! and good morning, nina! 💗🦚

Good morning Noctie! 🌅

Yes, let’s talk about the sword-fighting fic while I procrastinate writing another fight scene.

Ask game here!

One thing about me is that I absolutely love short stories with a twist ending. Give me a reveal in the last few lines that reframes the entire work in a brand new light, and I will be giggling and kicking my feet uncontrollably.

Sometimes It’s Worth It All is my attempt at recreating this kind of narrative. And, of course, the twist comes from Felix.

By the time he enters the fray, Kagami is exhausted from twenty-four hours of fighting for her life… But also from months of watching her world crumble around her following her mother’s murder. She’s accepted that she spent her entire life tangled in an elaborate web of lies, and that she alone can see through the deception.

But… That’s not entirely true, is it. Like many abuse survivors, even as the fog progressively lifts from her eyes, she’s still held back by a few persistent convictions:

Before he even gets a chance to speak, Felix is introduced as a monster, and well. It doesn’t help that he’s been sent to kill her, does it. Yet, as soon as he opens his mouth, he warns her against her own prejudice:

In canon, too, Felix is constantly navigating others’ perception of him and proving them wrong. He’s a Sentibeing lost in a world that wants him dead, but also just a regular child; he has a PhD in identity theft; he’s a manipulative little bitch, but is constantly searching for the truth; he masqueraded as a hero, only to become one on his own terms.

But in the context of this fic — Kagami hasn’t seen season 5! She doesn’t know the themes! And so, her natural instinct is to believe he is trying to tear her newfound rebellious spirit to the ground before ultimately getting rid of her, 1984 style:

If Felix was genuinely trying to torture her, it would be easy for him to land a blow on an already exhausted target, to accompany his little rant with actual physical pain. Instead, he is careful to stay out of range of her blade, but never strikes back (Get it? Strikeback?), except to disarm her when she pierces through his fan.

What he’s actually doing here is trying to uncover who she is as a person, and pushing back against the wonky convictions she still has left.

Which of course culminates with the realisation that she is, in fact, just like him, and the decision to commit treason for her:

Because of course he would. As much as I leaned into Felix’s moral ambiguity earlier in the fic, this is the only option that makes sense for his character: he’s willing to put everything and everyone at risk to rescue his kind.

The broken fan is, of course, an allusion to Pretension, and how easily Felix rearranged his entire moral compass to stand by her side. In every universe, Kagami is his priority: he’s always going to choose her, whether it means abandoning the fight of his life or starting what is absolutely going to turn into a civil war.

Kagami has never been shown mercy in her life before, much less this level of insane devotion. From the moment he chooses to spare her, her worldview shifts entirely, and this is of course most visible in the way she refers to him: abandoning his title to call him by his name, and even catching a hint of Argos magenta in his eyes.

They see each other now. Everything is going to be OK.

[thegayneurodivergentagenda]

Pran having sex in the forest makes the following things canon (attached: rationale)

1. Pran's thing for cleanliness is not an OCD thing.

If it were then they wouldn't have been able to save sex. The obsession/compulsion would not have allowed it to happen. He never complains about Pat's overall hygiene as much as he gets dirty with games and fights on the regular. If he didn't like filth, this man would not have sucked a finger to BEGIN courting the man of his dreams.

Which means we can safely assume that it is in relation to their Feral Musky Scented Hoe-ness.

2. Pran's Feral Being has a single switch: a sweaty Pat.

Pran's attempt at distance from any form of Fragrant Pat is to avoid unleasing his Feral Self (refer to this for more information) on Pat. Every single of his attempts to make Pat work for it is to make him sweat. This is as dirty as the written word can be. He's a man on a mission and he will not shake the cottage unless he succeeds.

3. Pran Parakul Siridechewat is Snow white if Snow white had sex with Prince Charming next to the seven dwarfs sleeping 20 meters away from them. Separated by a thin layer of tent-sheet. IN THE FOREST ON ONE (1) MEAL.

The thing about being with Pat and the universally accepted idea about him having zero refraction period is that the sex lasts a while. And is loud. And involves multiple denials and rewards. And could potentially be saving the brain rot from reaching Symbolic analysis level. Because HOW DO I GET OVER THE FACT THAT THEY HAD SEX WITH VIRTUALLY EVERYONE PRESENT/IN AUDIBLE RANGE.

[rowavolo]

HUH??

pls elaborate I have an offering

that offering looks genuinely kind of evil but yknow what im feeling generous today . i shall elaborate

(content warning for mentions of illness, perhaps mild body horror too?)

under a cut because it got really long. oops.

Okay so along with my demon and angel lore, i also have different headcanons about how each species interacts with and takes in the world around them and how it may affect how they physically present.

in this case, demons, being inherently self-centered, sort of self-actualise in a way that means the way they see themselves (and the way the ones closest to them see them) may start to manifest physically (i imagine this would heavily effect how a demon's 'sin' is decided too. They can all cycle through different ones but there is one primary one that manifests more than the others and thats decided by what they pick up the most of during their formative years)

Both species do also take in the Vibes immediately around them to an extent (im sure ill have more to say on this at some point but its not a fully fleshed out idea yet) . it's also very affected by a sort of in-universe rule about how good vibes/emotions rise, and bad ones sink, and also just how their bodies process it. Think of angels like a sort of weak magnet but with a really high radius, think of demons like one with a strong pull but short range, if that makes sense? It also plays into how both species mature differently. (I do also feel like there is definitely a place for humans in this narrative, whether that be they are the Vibe Curators or they can passively pick up certain aspects of it or whatever)

angels are more sort of... theyre like Vibe Sponges. they just take in bits of everything. the reason the celestial realm is designed the way it is is so that each layer has full and open access to the sunlight, and the open air and all the celestial bodies, and all the good, strong vibes that those things bring along with them.

ANYWAYS where this becomes relevant in the angel narrative is that Rowan is the first fully fledged angel to ever take up residence in the Devildom. And, being a stronger Vibe Magnet (as i so eloquently put it) he's much more susceptible to the bad stuff that lingers in the devildom.

This, along with the fact that angels require sunlight to live (both because of the power it has as like The Celestial Body and the warmth and vitamins it provides) causes Ro to become sick.

like. really, really sick. like his feathers are withering and his halos are flickering out and hes coughing up black sludge and hey maybe this isnt such a normal thing anymore perhaps we should see someone about it.

In my canon, lucifer was the main archangel who would teach about this sort of stuff in the celestial realm. michael doesnt care to and simeon sort of figures its an instinctual knowledge or whatever (and combined with the fact that ro grew up in what is considered a very Rural level of the celestial realm) just means that it sort of goes undiscovered for a while.

anyways. who knows if i kill off my s/i . ill never tell. you just have to read the fic if i ever decide to drop it /hj

(btw if anyone steals my ideas/writing or feeds it to an ai bot or whatever im coming for your kneecaps /srs and neg)

[marciabrady]

I had a realization recently that made me think of your blog! It’s unfortunately been a long time since i rewatched Snow White but the other day I was listening to the soundtrack and was really struck by one of Snow White’s lines. I was getting misty listening to “I’m Wishing” where she sings “and I’m dreaming of the nice things he’ll say.” Something about how Snow White could have imagined her love in any circumstance with any laundry list of traits but her one and truest wish was simply that he be nice to her and how it reflected how Snow Whole’s life had been so deprived of kindness. Only for the Prince to then appear and sing all her wildest dreams. It was so romantic and made me think of how annoying all the complaints around Snow White’s Prince can be (that’s he boring/ugly/barely talks to Snow White) bc when they did speak, he said everything she’d wanted to hear and when he appeared, he was exactly who Snow White had always wanted. I couldn’t help but think of a modern comparison (a bit unfair I know) of Anna singing about The One in “For the First Time in Forever” where she first describes him as “a beautiful stranger, tall and fair” and how simple and sweet and genuine Snow White’s wish felt in comparison to that. Nothing against Anna but I had a real moment of appreciation for Snow White I wanted to share with you. Thank you!

Okay, I completely agree with all of this on such a level! First off, the "and I'm dreaming of the nice things he'll say" was such an important lyric for me, too, to internalize while I was re-examining the character of Snow White a few years back and I have so many thoughts and feelings about it...I get really peeved when people only discuss Disney movies (well...Walt-era Disney movies) as if they were childhood memories or a babysitting companion to assist hyperactive kids or something that's akin to like a Care Bear or Dragon Tails type of moment or even when people discuss if the classic characters are good role models or not. They were not created to be educational material for children. Movies like Snow White were meant to be digested and observed and appreciated as pieces of art that reflected the broad spectrum and range of human emotion. They didn't have to appeal to logic or eight year olds are crazy parents who are convinced their children are going to pretend to be dead and wait for a prince to kiss them because they saw Snow White undergo a sleeping curse. That's for starters.

Second of all, Snow White is someone no one ever remembers was abused, just like Cinderella, and is an orphan. She is increasingly neglected throughout her young life. As I mentioned in the previous paragraph, these films are meant to appeal to human emotion and the real part of our feelings that we all share. If we were neglected or abused and don't have anyone in this world, wouldn't we, too, long for love? For belonging, for companionship, for friendship- for someone to tell us something nice for a change? Remember, this is a character who is almost murdered by the only parental figure they have in the world seconds before they are thrown to the forest to fend for themselves, without any resources. And this is the Princess that everyone criticizes and vilifies! Also, it's literally a fact that humans are hardwired with a need for inclusion and engagement/connectivity is literally higher than food and water for human wellness for health pertaining to mind and body so...

I also think there's another component to Snow White that everyone overlooks. It's fine that some people are aromantic and don't see the value in romantic love, but Snow White does and that's her wish, which means she has autonomy over the storyline and this is something she's readily inviting into her life. It also goes to how powerful the women of this universe are. In the original story of Snow White, which is also canonical to the film as they released this information in every novelization that came out during that time period and publicity material, Snow White is literally a direct manifestation of her mother's wishes. When her mother sits, sewing against the windowsill, she wishes for a baby girl- which, again is interesting considering how common it was to devalue female children and only want a boy, ie heir. Snow White is then born, a direct result of her mother's wish. Snow White practices this same approach by wishing into the well for just what she wants, and that's exactly what appears. She's putting what she wants into the universe and, by being bold enough to voice her desires, it comes true. Also, the Prince is attracted to the voice he hears singing first- not her beauty.

Moving on to their relationship. I love the Prince so much and so many people misunderstand him and I have many thoughts about it! For starters, I like that him and Cinderella's Prince aren't in the film so much because it's the Princess's movie! When Tangled came out, they literally took Rapunzel's name out of the title and marketed it more toward boys with showing much more of Flynn in it than Rapunzel in trailers and I think an approach like that and even Beauty and the Beast, where it's almost more of the boy's story, kinda robs the female character. I like that Snow White and Cinderella's film put them at the helm. Also, I think people ignore some of the limitations the animators had at the time. Snow White's Prince was meant to have much more to do, which is still the case in the comic adaption, but it just didn't make it into the movie because of how limited they were with animating the male figure. Also, by no means, was he Snow White's life nor was she dependent on him! They meet by the Wishing Well, after it's her words that summon him I might add, and then we don't see him until the end of the film. Snow White never mentions him between when she runs away from the Castle until the Dwarfs ask her to tell them a love story. She doesn't cry out for him in the forest when she almost got murdered, she doesn't call upon him to help her find a sanctuary when she's homeless, and she doesn't ask him for help when the Dwarfs almost kick her out of their home, instead begging them to let her stay and telling them she'd work in exchange for food and shelter. In contrast, he's the one that spends all of his offscreen time searching for her (long enough for seasons to pass) in the forest...but she's the one that always gets the criticism...

Lastly, I'm discouraged by how Frozen is treating the Prince Charming archetype- because that's what it is, an archetype. The role of the romantic partners in Cinderella and Snow White is more-so meant to represent what Cinderella and Snow White want in love. Snow White's Prince doesn't sing of her beauty- he sings of their love as "constant and true" and as the "one love" that has possessed his heart and mind and soul. In a film like this, that again isn't meant to be taken as hyper-realistic (and Frozen is "you can't marry a man you just met" which is ridiculous because Elsa literally runs away from her kingdom and lives in a palace she's conjured of ice...and Snow White is ridiculous for falling in love with someone in a fairytale?), we are being told what their love is- again, constant and true. That's the type of love I want! Cinderella, too, is something that is so touching to me. Here's this girl who's also been abused, doesn't have anyone or anything in the world, and the first notes of "so this is love" is telling the audience that, after years of physical and emotional abuse she's finally being treated as an equal and with care and compassion and mutual admiration and it's the most thrilling thing in the world to her. "This is what makes life divine" and "the key to all heaven is mine" is so deep to me and not at all as superficial as people try to make it out to be. In this world where people are chasing increasingly capitalistic goals that are becoming more and more shallow, the desire for love- romantic or platonic- is something that speaks to the human condition of any age and is so evergreen. To me, it's the meaning of life and the deepest thing someone can ever achieve or wish to attain. It's something that we can both receive and give and I think that's what makes us special as humans. But again, all these complaints from mothers that think their children are too dense to receive this and instead believe Disney is telling them to wait out for these impossibly perfect men and instead want to kill the IDEA that true love exists to these children in the case of what happened to Hans is so disheartening. As I mentioned previously, Snow White and Cinderella weren't meant to be babysitters but Frozen was, in a way, and it was created to speak to children intentionally and the fact that this hardened ideology of "don't believe in love, it's too good to be true" in the form of what they did to the character of Hans really rubs me the wrong way because, here's the thing- Snow White and Cinderella's Prince aren't telling us SPECIFICALLY at all of who or what to look for in a partner or what they should appear to us as. Their lyrics focus more on how the pair makes one another feel- a "constant and true" love, "one love" that they're so devoted to they'll spend months and years looking for that person even if they seem lost, "so this is what makes life divine" instead of also chasing for the next thrill, and "the key to all heaven is mine" because you should be with someone that you love so much, it feels like your entire life has been renewed.

I know it's a romantic notion, but I do think we should be encouraged to believe that love can happen to us and that it will be the type of love that will change our lives for the better. I don't see the value in telling people that love doesn't exist, or that it exists but that it's so imperfect it'll be like a job to even stay together, or that you'll never find a connection like that because it just doesn't exist. Because, what type of situations are those children then going to get in and what treatment will they then accept? I think it encourages the "well, I guess this is as good as it's going to get" idea as opposed to realizing earlier on that a situation isn't for you because it doesn't feel right. And again, Snow White and Cinderella don't tell us to chase a specific type of love- ie a connection with a man that's richer than you or a man that looks a certain way, etc. You "constant and true" love can come in any shape, sexuality, gender, form, etc, but the focus should be on the love being constant and true! And I don't know about you all, but I hope the one I find one day would search for me for months in a forest if I'm lost to them lol I hope they'd love me so much, they'd tear their kingdom apart to find me even if they only have my shoe to go off of. I hope they would be bold enough to know they want me and approach me in public, when I'm not even focused on finding love, the way Charming pursued Cinderella at the ball. I hope, even if I run away initially like Snow White because I'm too shy or unsure, they'd be eloquent enough to reassure me and let me know why they love me or what they're looking for as beautifully as Snow White's Prince did in One Song.

[firendgold]

who is Harry’s ideal partner?

Harry Potter is a character oft mischaracterized and misunderstood in the fandom (even by his greatest fans). As such, opinions on who he should “end up with” range from his canon match to literally any and every character you, I, or Pottermore can produce.

However, as yet another strong Harry fan and since this is a time travel harrydore blog first and foremost, below will be some surface-level analysis on Harry’s character, and what type of person or personality would mesh best with him as a romantic partner.

(under a readmore bc this is going to get long.)

                                                               🗲

so what do we know about Harry? 

He’s the POV character, obviously, and we get to see him grow firsthand over seven years. Though he obviously changes a lot, there are some aspects of him that are fixed from the beginning.

So what are his most defining traits? From the brief snapshot of his childhood pre-magical world, we know that Harry is inquisitive and headstrong. Despite the Dursleys’ clear dislike of questions or anything resembling defiance from their nephew, Harry is not afraid to (carefully) question his guardians, to assert himself and gather the information he needs to survive in a hostile environment. 

Harry is also extraordinarily self-sufficient for a child. The Dursleys’ clear disfavor and neglect have not completely beaten Harry down: he can cook and clean for himself, with a command of housework not often shared by other boys his age. Though that isn’t to say the Dursleys haven’t negatively affected him at all: rather, their disregard has been mitigated somewhat by Harry’s above-average capacity for forgiveness and compassion. He is not overly forgiving of those who have wronged him (in fact, sometimes he is quite the opposite), but it is not his habit to dwell much on his troubles; he is more likely to downplay them when asked. 

(This is something the fandom at large often forgets; that weak as it may seem, we do have an in-universe justification for why Harry isn’t a raving mad ‘troubled’ child with a terrifying knife collection or something after seventeen years with his lunatic relatives.)

                                                                🗲

what other traits does Harry have? 

He’s generous, loyal, and stubborn. Harry craves family and community, and looks for it anywhere he can. He is particularly sensitive to rejection and not so quick to reject others himself. Once you are among Harry’s trusted circle, you may well be there forever as long as you don’t hurt him—and if you are in trouble or need help, he will go to the ends of the earth for you. Money is no object when it comes to keeping his loved ones fed or happy. 

But that doesn’t mean he’s an open book to just anyone. He doesn’t bond easily with people, though he responds well to kindness and even better to trust. Harry knows the value of books and learning and is clever in his own way, but focuses more on the impact of actions over words. He is difficult to sway when he believes he’s right, to the point where he will often escalate a conflict rather than apologize or back down. And because he has a notoriously sharp tongue, conflicts with him are easy to escalate.

Most of these traits don’t change as Harry ages. As he does get older, he gains a fierce temper that has even his most intimate friends searching for the nearest exit. This temper is often downplayed or mischaracterized by the fandom as “angst” or “typical teenage whining” but is in fact Harry’s rare form of lashing out against what he sees as unjust behavior from others. It takes a lot to get Harry angry, but once he is, he stays angry for a while, and is slower to forgive. But on the other hand... not all of Harry’s targets are justified. What saves him from just being another “dangerous angry man” is his strong moral compass and his unwavering sense of justice and fairness.

                                                            🗲

what about Harry’s flaws?

Some have been explained already—Harry is stubborn, sharp-tongued, and at times combative. The same snappy comments that make the reader laugh often piss off his enemies and allies alike. His temper toward adulthood is something to be wary of. His long history of being forced to be independent in times of need (by the Dursleys and by the adults in the wizarding world) means he has a hard time trusting others, and is quick to view any neglect or abandonment as the highest betrayal. 

The fact that he is slow to forgive certain slights means it may be easy for loved ones to be quickly iced out of his life (which we see twice with Ron, once with Hermione, and even once with Remus in book 7). And though this is conjecture not supported by the books, Harry’s deep desire for a family to call his own may make him vulnerable to deception from anyone evil who can play the long game and earn his trust.

                                                                    🗲

So, that’s a (not) brief overview of who Harry is. Now on to who or what Harry wants.

                                                                   🗲

what traits does Harry like in a person?

We can gather some of what kind of person Harry is attracted to based on the two girls he pursues in canon, Cho Chang and Ginny Weasley, as well as from his other... romantic-adjacent interactions with Parvati Patil and Romilda Vane. Both of the girls he dated were sporty, mischievous girls that loved and were good at Quidditch—this probably means anyone interested in Harry will have an easier time of it if they either play Quidditch or don’t mind supporting Harry when he plays. 

Both Cho and Ginny make Harry smile, laugh, or at least feel fluttery. Neither girl was afraid to tease Harry a little bit, or even call him out when they felt he was wrong. Although Harry’s immaturity meant he handled Cho’s call-out worse than Ginny’s, his later growth in books 5 and 6 shows that he is aware that he needs someone who is not afraid to stand up to him. 

Displays of bravery or independence also impress him, as shown in year 5 when his temper evaporates after Hermione uses Voldemort’s name for the first time, when Cho continues to talk to and believe in him even after the Ministry downplays Cedric’s death, when Ginny encourages him to press on at Easter in the library, and when Luna soldiers on in retrieving her things after casually informing Harry about the culmination of months of bullying from her House mates. 

Most of all, Harry likes genuine attitudes and behavior. He has no use for fair-weather friends, and is shown to be repulsed by hangers-on or people who only like him because he’s famous and the paper isn’t slandering him that day. And anyone who insults his friends is automatically out of the running for a spot in Harry’s inner circle.

In short, other people pushing past public opinion or perception to do or say what they feel is right is a good way to get Harry’s attention.

                                                                🗲

what about physical traits?

Physically Harry doesn’t seem to have a preference for one type of girl over another: Cho is of Asian descent, Ginny is a white redhead, and his Yule Ball date Parvati is Indian. He definitely sees Fleur Delacour as beautiful, though not beyond an aesthetic appreciation if his lack of pursuit is anything to go by. He also doesn’t think Hermione is unattractive, and didn’t seem to find anything besides Romilda Vane’s personality repulsive. 

We also see examples of Harry paying particular attention to how certain boys and men look throughout the series: 

Snape is in a class of his own, constantly described in unflattering ways, but Harry’s godfather Sirius is glowingly described as “handsome” even past the clear toll of his years in Azkaban. 

His greatest school nemesis Draco Malfoy is often described as “pale and pointed” and much attention is given to his looks when he is injured or not at his best (in years 3 and 6). 

Harry’s also not afraid to admit romantic rivals like Cedric Diggory or Slytherins like Blaise Zabini are nice to look at. 

Even Professor Dumbledore gets a more platonic version of this attention: his blue eyes always draw Harry’s attention, and a not insignificant amount of time is spent on the headmaster’s appearance in books 4 through 7.

Since Pansy Parkinson is one of the few girls whose appearance Harry describes in a negative way throughout the series, Cho does not become any less beautiful to Harry once his attraction to her has faded at the end of book 5, and Romilda’s dismissal of his friends makes Harry immediately hostile towards her in book 6, it’s probably safe to assume that looks matter to Harry, but personality matters a lot more.

                                                               🗲

so then, what type of person would be ideal for Harry?

In short, Harry’s ideal partner is someone who can do the following:

support him physically, mentally and emotionally

challenge him and his perspective without degrading/downplaying his experiences

make him laugh and have fun

make him want to spend time with them, in peaceful or hectic settings

grow as a person alongside him over a lifetime

That’s a lot to ask for, even before getting into the long version. 

Harry should have someone who can balance their high regard for him with their willingness to ground him when he needs it. They should not idolize him, but they shouldn’t take him for granted either; the last thing they will want to do is make him feel invisible or silenced.

This should be someone who isn’t afraid to have fun or be silly, whether that’s on the Quidditch pitch or elsewhere, but who can get serious when they have to. 

This person should encourage Harry’s curiosity and thirst for adventure, two traits he will likely carry with him into his adulthood (because really, as much as the fandom tries to pretend Harry is a dumb little boy who Just Wants To Be Normal, “I’ve had enough adventure for a lifetime” is definitely something Harry only says because he’s just murdered Voldemort and he needs a bloody nap). At the same time, they should be strong and competent enough to protect Harry even when he doesn’t think he needs protecting—and confident enough to push back on Harry every time he starts saying “I’m fine”. 

Harry has spent so much time relying on himself that it will be an uphill battle for anyone trying to prove themselves to be his match, but he will not be happy in a relationship where he has to be the hero for someone else all the time, or someone else is always rescuing him. It will be a delicate battle between providing Harry an exciting life, but with enough soft places to land to give his battered psyche peace.

Without trying to be his therapist, this person should also help Harry mitigate his emotional shortcomings. Growing up with the “no emotional support here” Dursleys left the adolescent Harry ill-equipped to deal with things like his crush crying because she was grieving her ex-boyfriend and had no one else to turn to. This would be a hard thing for anyone to handle, but Harry’s tendency to bury his woes and lash out when pressured ran completely counter to Cho’s grief and need to talk about Cedric’s death, and it drove them apart. 

The same situation comes up again in his relationship with Ginny, where his desire to protect her and keep her untouched and “away” from Voldemort and the war as much as possible caused friction between them which was never fully resolved (outside of Voldemort being kind enough to die and ‘remove’ the problem himself, of course). So while Harry’s description of his time with Ginny as “like something out of someone else’s life” may come off as wistful or romantic on a first read, a partner who distracts Harry from who he is is ultimately not what’s best for him.

So, without judgment or pity, Harry’s partner would need to allow him the space to feel his feelings, while also preventing him from spending too much time grieving or standing still.

                                                                🗲

Sooo with all that in mind, with all that we know about Harry, is it so mad to believe that his best match might be an adventurous, powerful, playful, and protective wizard who holds him in high regard? Someone clever enough to return his verbal barbs and pique his curiosity? Insightful enough to know what he wants and needs before he can say it aloud? Compassionate enough to look after Harry when he won’t look after himself? A wizard he knows quite well, but always lamented not knowing more about? Someone with whom he might have unfinished business...?

Just saying. ^^

                                                                🗲

[awellboiledicicle]

In the au Gale's going to have two built in reasons to not follow Mystra's command to blow himself to hell, plus a friendly neighborhood Justice going "That would be unwise."

Which is good, because he canonically only needs one.

The fun part is going to be him processing Mystra telling him the path to redemption is death. By which i mean Hawke rolls up his sleeves and goes "here we go again" while Anders just waits for Hawke to be done. Because if there's one thing Hawke's been doing since Kirkwall its been convincing Anders that he doesn't need to die to make up for doing what he thought was the right thing.

Is starting a riot to force a revolution comparable to trying to measure up to impossible standards set by a literal goddess when you're grasping for a way to stay relevant? No, in no way really.

But the fact remains they are both repentant about the aftermath, if nothing else. And they both convinced themselves they didn't deserve to live and that death would somehow fix things.

This all manifests in the three of them sitting somewhere and talking about how maybe she fucked him up a bit. Maybe having a literal goddess go from your childhood mentor to sleeping with you might screw with your head a bit.

Because Gale's problem is he's still in the 'hurt but has not contextualized what happened to him' stage. Like he got the break up thing, he got that part. But he hasn't conceptualized the similarity to say, a powerful elven mage having done a similar trajectory would be obviously fucked up. Exploiting his love and enjoyment of magic itself to apply it to herself, and bestowing the title of chosen on him to really cement the hold she has. Exploiting the learned childhood pattern of wanting to please her and get her approval. Holding the fact she IS the weave over him as an unacknowledged threat if he ever displeased her. He hasn't processed that he was groomed from a young age to be hers, to be used by her. Hes not putting his own actions into context in that way, because he doesn't even seem to have reached the moment of going "huh that was fucked up" yet. All he's running on is how everything effects Mystra, because she was his whole life for so long.

So sitting and talking about it very much is going to feel raw and upsetting for Gale. He very much views himself as the villain and the idea that--while he absolutely did fuck up with the book/orb--Mystra fucked up bigger and worse. And worse still, she did it on purpose. Because she absolutely did not NEED to sleep with him to make him a chosen or teach him magic. That was all her. Which means he'll need to admit that he was a victim and Mystra was an aggressor. Which would be a 'very good thing the orb is stabilized because he is about to be very emotionally distraught' conversation. Even if he didn't eventually agree with their assessment, the fact he'd have to concede is that killing himself wouldn't solve anything. Sure, lets say it destroys the main powerbase of the Absolute-- there's still infected people out there. What happens to them? There's still uninfected cultists you now can't track down because all clues you COULD have gotten out of the stronghold are now smithereens. And the world would be one Gale shorter, which is bad. And probably the whole party, because there'd be no way in the hells he gets in there on his own and they manage to get clear at the same time. He doesn't even know the range of it; for all they know it could level the coast and everyone's fucked regardless.

I can see Gale most definitely leaving the conversation convinced that the other two were misreading the situation with Mystra, as much as he's bolstered by their care for him. And then the night comes and he's alone with his thoughts about it. And things start popping to the surface of his memory that--were it anyone but Mystra doing them--would seem suspect. Which is going to be rough. Gale's going to be going through it for like a solid day before starting to come to terms. Largely that fast because there's not a lot of time between wandering the shadowcursed lands and resting after shades kick their asses. The final scene with the starry sky probably happens as they near the towers and he realizes that--complicated feelings about Mystra aside for now--they're right. He wants to live and if they say he deserves to, then he just might at that.

I just. nnn emotions.

[mad-hunts]

sad headcanon q’s…  // 23. does your muse tend to be hard on themselves when they do something wrong?

oh, boy, y'all are REALLY starting off strong with these sad headcanons, huh? 😔 nah... i'm just joking around with you haha. it's more than okay for you to be asking me this question about barton, and i just wanted to say thank you so much for the ask, @cxpperhead!! sooo, trust me when i say that my answer to this is going to be a bit of a complicated one. let me start off by saying that barton doesn't typically agonize over what he does to people on a daily basis because he often lacks the ability to feel guilt + remorse. or, at least, he lacks the ability to feel it on the same level that other people would. this is partially due it being canon in my verse that barton is a person with undiagnosed ASPD ( which is antisocial personality disorder, for short. though i am by no means saying that this excuses his behavior... it's just an explanation for it ) and because he has conditioned himself to not feel bad about it most of the time.

but on account of the fact that sociopaths aren't incapable of feeling emotion as some of the stigma around the disorder might want to lead people to believe, since they have actually been known to experience a broad range of emotions ( albeit they are usually thought of to be quote unquote ' shallow emotions ' ) ... there have been / are times where barton has been considerably hard on himself for thing's that he's done. he quite literally hated himself after he, in his opinion, basically sent julien to his death in order to help the joker out with one of his 'schemes.' like he would just keep on torturing himself with these thoughts of how he should've known better than to trust that man with his son and that, no, this job that they were doing was NOT ' just like any other job. ' he was just being callous at the time and didn't stop to consider the sheer cruelty that the man has within him before it was too late.

and barton felt as if he couldn't live with the pain inside of him after knowingly lying to marceline, his late fiancée, right before she died despite the fact that that was the last good thing he could give to her in his opinion: some peace of mind. and nowadays, sometimes whenever he is acting particularly cruel to his children, it's like this switch inside of him clicks on that makes him think... 'wow, i really just said that to her / him? ' or ' i swore that i would never become like wesley, but i'm acting so much like him right now, ' and barton just kind of feels this profound feeling of ugliness inside of him afterwards that makes him criticize himself to hell. because i feel like if you were to dig inside barton — not literally, but figuratively — you would find that he does in fact have a heart but it's just so cold inside sometimes that it seems like it never generates any warmth.

barton, and you may see this as surprising for reasons that i honestly couldn't blame you for because he is demented and intentionally malevolent to those around him, also questions himself a LOT at night whenever he can't escape from his thoughts. he commits these super heinous crimes on a daily basis, after all, and sometimes it makes him really loathe not having the distraction of noise around him due to the fact that this is the time period in which he will really beat himself up about things. and i mean things not just in relation to the bigger parts to his wrongness but also in response to things like someone else treating him poorly, which he perceives as his fault, because he believes he deserved it. he also wants everything to be perfect even though that's literally an unattainable goal, so whenever he feels like he's failed one of his loved ones or abandoned them / betrayed them, especially for nothing... he has pretty unspeakable thoughts about himself if i'm being honest.

and this may all occur in the midst of him simultaneously feeling this deep emptiness because of just how different his life had turned out to be than what he imagined it as a child. but of course, his bad behavior now can't and shouldn't be excused by his upbringing, because that would imply that he wouldn't have to take responsibility for his actions. which he very much does. i just feel like barton's brain works in such a complex way sometimes, that not even he knows whether he's going to feel bad about something, or not. his sense of guilt is extremely stunted if not almost completely gone and so it's just like... kind of unpredictable, you know? but he knows that some sort of remorse related to whenever he does something wrong / him thinking very bad thoughts about himself will pop up because a part of him desires to not be doing this. and as a result, he kind of secretly craves punishment for everything wrong that he's done.

but anyhow, i hope that this was an insightful answer and that i was able to explain how barton's sense of guilt / remorse surrounding things he's done wrong in a way that makes it a little easier to understand how his brain works. because it honestly is pretty complicated, i'm not gonna lie, and i sometimes feel like i don't know how to articulate it myself even though i'm the one who's writing him (,: so yeah! thanks again for the ask, @cxpperhead!!