#but the pilot episode had me snoozing

[hiddenbeks]

obsessed with doing this quiz for my ocs. i think its very important that we all know that celyn is 86% j*ghead

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #167

How did it feel outside today? It's hot and EXTREMELY humid. There's been a chance of rain on-and-off all day.

Are there any animals in the room with you? Yeah, Roman is actually snoozing on the floor, to my right.

How did you spend yesterday afternoon? Girt and I played some of Elden Ring.

Are any of your siblings taller than you? Yeah, I think the only two shorter than me are Nicole and Misty? I know Nicole is very close, though.

Name a song that reminds you of a past relationship: "The Mortician's Daughter" by Black Veil Brides.

When did you last have a nightmare? A few days ago. My fucking nightmares/terrors have RANDOMLY resumed again, for absolutely no reason I can identify. They're happening most times I sleep, even during much shorter naps again...

What's the goriest thing you've ever seen? A large rat cleaved in half (it was frozen/thawed, not alive when it happened just to clarify). I was volunteering at a raptor rehab center that day and fed the rat to some vultures. The interior gore was pretty gross, it was cut in half horizontally through the abdomen and also warm and it just made it grosser, haha.

Have you or do you attend pep rallies regularly? No, even in school I was the one student the teachers let stay behind in class to read or something; even those that didn't know me THAT well, they knew pep rallies really, really stressed me out and were just a totally unpleasant, unenjoyable experience for me. They were way too fucking loud and I found it really anxiety-inducing when everyone would like rapidly stomp on the bleachers for whatever dumb fucking reason people did that.

Have you ever seen a building on fire in real life? Yes, a house in my childhood neighborhood completely burned to the ground one evening, it was very scary to watch from across the street. I don't think they've rebuilt the house since, last I saw it was just the brick foundation.

Have you kissed anyone and their first name started with an F, D, or L? A "D," yes.

Have you ever been in therapy for anything? I've been in therapy consistently since the 6th grade for mental illnesses.

Do you think clowns are creepy? They don't personally creep me out, no.

If you had to write an essay about a popular song... what would that song be? Probably "Zombie" by The Cranberries, ig. It's an incredible social commentary that is very profound and cleverly written imo.

When did you last have some fruit? I had a big strawberry last night.

What's something you have to look forward to? My niece has her birthday party this weekend.

Is there any part of your sexual/romantic history that you have not told your current significant other about or that you will not tell future partners about? There's only one thing he doesn't know, but not because I'm actively being secretive about it; if it was ever relevant to mention, I would without any awkwardness.

Have you ever developed feelings for someone whose sexual orientation was incompatible with yours? Yup.

How many relationships have you been in that actually got sexual? Three-ish. Sara and I never went all that far, but I'd be lying if I claimed we never did anything that wasn't clearly sexual.

Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know? Mom, easily.

Are any of your pets “overweight”? No.

Who’s the most romantic person you ever went out with? Jason.

Last person to tell you that you smell good? Girt.

Last person you told that they smell good? Also Girt.

What shows do you watch? None habitually right now; Girt and I haven't really settled on a new series since finishing Dark. We did watch the first episode of a Danish Netflix show called The Rain yesterday, and we're both interested enough to watch the next, but I'm not totally sold on it yet, I feel like a potential entire series' worth of plot has happened in the PILOT episode, it was so fucking quick so I have no idea what more it has to offer. Girt's not 100% into it yet either, but cliffhanger episode ending tho.

Is there anything you are craving right now? Little Caesar's cheesy bread like you wouldn't fucking believe lmao, my period is absolutely coming judging by my appetite and cravings.

Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you laughed with them? Probably more times than I've laughed with absolutely anybody.

What are five Halloween costumes that you’d like to wear in the future? My ULTIMATE dream is a female Pyramid Head, and I'm also super into the ideas of a handmaid from The Handmaid's Tale, a Bloody Mary-inspired look that's gonna be a play on my middle name being Marie (Bloody Marie, get it, fucking hilarious right), female iteration of the stereotypical devil, and Morticia from The Addams Family.

Who did you have your first kiss with? Do you remember what color his/her eyes were? Jason's eyes were brown.

Whose Facebook timeline did you post on most recently? Pretty sure Mazzy's, for their birthday.

Have you ever had a restaurant dish that was made with bugs? If not, would you even want to try one? No, but I would if it was a reputable location. People don't wanna accept it, but bugs as part of the human diet is our future, and I've heard SO frequently that they're not even as bad as society wants them to be.

Which edible flowers have you tasted? I've tasted honeysuckle honey before, idk if the flowers themselves are edible. I don't think I've tried anything else.

Who was the last non-relative woman you spoke to in person? Girt's mother Shelia.

What was the last video you added to your favorites on YouTube? I just checked and it was the piano version of "Mein Herz brennt" by Rammstein, the video where Till still sings along though.

Who was the last person that apologized to you? Pretty sure Girt, a few days ago he raised his voice to his nephew to close the front door because Charlie was about to go out, and even though he didn't need to (it wasn't really a yell), he apologized to me anyway because he knows men raising their voices scares me. Even though he didn't need to like I said, I still appreciated him being aware that it might have affected me.

What comes to mind when you think of pregnancy? I have an immediate "ew" reaction/just a general gross feeling, how it all works is so disgusting to me. I want NOTHING else living in me other than myself and mandatory beneficial bacteria. I know that if I ever do decide to have a kid, pregnancy is going to be extremely fucking difficult on me mentally.

Do you prefer bar or liquid soap? Liquid for sure, I despise bar soap.

Do any of your family members have an upcoming birthday? My older sister and then her daughter literally two days later.

What is your favorite flavor of Jolly Ranchers? Either watermelon or strawberry, I'd need to taste them again.

Is your favorite animal endangered? Thankfully not, I think I would be in a constant anxiety attack if meerkats were even SLIGHTLY endangered, haha.

Are you better at writing fiction or non-fiction? Fiction, but I think I'm good at writing either.

Have you ever dated someone one grade/year above or below you? Jason was two years above me.

What is the middle name of the last person you texted? Marie.

Have you ever come close to drowning? No.

So… remember Girl Scout cookies? Any favorites you had/have? My favorites were peanut butter patties/Tagalongs, Adventurefuls, and thin mints.

Why did you ignore the last person you ignored? It was more stupid scam messages on deviantART about buying some photos as NFTs; I get them a lot and they're all very clearly fake, always VERY similarly written or even matching word-for-word, and besides I wouldn't allow my art to be made into NFTs anyway.

Which cartoon character would you want to keep as a pet? I think an Eevee!

Do you like chocolate milk? Oh yes, for sure.

What is something you hate, but wish you loved? Hot weather; especially as someone who wants to be a nature photographer and lives in a pretty hot state, being able to handle warmer temperatures would be extremely convenient for me.

What’s the cutest thing your S/O does, but denies it’s cute in any way? His laughs, especially when he's tickled. I torture him with it lmao

Who have you hugged in the past month? Girt, Aubree, Ryder, Emerson, both Ashleys in my life, Girt's Ashley's boyfriend Erich, Shelia, Girt's maternal grandmother, and maybe my mom and Girt's nephew, I can't quite recall.

Last bad news you heard? My sister Ashley has some health stuff going on that might put her in the hospital if it's not fixed soon.

Have you ever dined alone at a restaurant? No.

Have you seen a baby being born in real life? No, I never want to. Well I've seen cats give birth, but I've never seen a human baby be born.

Do any of your exes know each other? Jason and Juan knew each other/Juan had beef with him over a girl, Jason and Girt (he was my ex once) have met, Girt knew Juan (I don't think well though, more a "knew of" situation), Sara and Girt met once, and it's definitely possible Tyler knew Jason or Juan, but idk that for sure.

What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? Flat earthers, like I just can't w/ y'all

Have you ever changed in front of the last person you kissed? I suppose I might've changed shirts in front of him at some point, but I actually don't think I have. I'd do it if I really had to, but I generally go into the bathroom because of my self-image. Doesn't matter to me what he's already seen, I don't want him to if I can help it.

Do you have any goats? No, but I think they're super cute. There was a period of time where my little sister "owned" a show goat, maybe two one after the other, but the goat stayed on her best friend's property since they had the proper supplies to provide for goats. I'm pretty sure she named one Oreo.

Do you hang out with your sibling’s friends? No.

Have you experienced any severe side effects of medications? Yes. One affected my mood horrifically, like I became a demon child, I had one for a short while that pretty regularly caused vomiting, and the original form of Wellbutrin I was on caused severe hypomania in me, which is apparently a very rare side effect; I could find very few documentations of it, but it was DEFINITELY the Wellbutrin. This isn't a severe side effect in and of itself, however the effect has absolutely stacked to a very severe degree: dry mouth. A lot of psych meds cause it, and because I'm on a large number, my mouth is usually insanely dry, like you would not believe how uncomfortable it becomes at a certain severity.

On Facebook, do you have people listed as your siblings who aren’t really your siblings? I did when I was younger, but haven't for a very long time.

Have you lost any close family members to cancer? Both my grandmothers died by cancer, but I wasn't close to either of them; I actually very much disliked my mom's mom. I think Dad's dad mighta also died of cancer, but I can't quite remember. I can barely remember him at all, just like his mom, sadly.

Do you know anyone who doesn’t have a middle name? Yeah, my boyfriend doesn't have one, but I'm assuming it's because he's a junior; his sister has a middle name, so it's not a case of their parents just not doing middle names.

How often do you check your emails? I've gotten into the habit of doing it/cleaning it out daily. I have job alerts set up for things photography-related so I try to stay on top of new positions opening up in my area.

Would you want your kids to have your hair color? I don't care at all about this.

Have you ever had a big YouTuber reply to a comment you left on their video? Not reply for truly big ones, but I've gotten a few hearts on replies from bigger folks.

Have you ever given a lap dance? No, I'd be waaay too awkward for that shit.

[sshbpodcast]

Delta Variants: No, but the Starfleet combadge kind!

By Ames

“Podcast to bridge. You’re going to want to see this.” A Star to Steer Her By is tapping our combadges this week to talk in great detail about all the different Starfleet insignia you see gracing a crew member’s left pec. From the sewn-on merit badge emblems to the magical multitools that are tricom badges, we’re gonna look at the familiar delta shape in all kinds of iterations throughout the different Star Trek series. 

Listen to this week’s episode here (this convo starts at 1:19:24) to get our takes – with guest star Liz filling in! – on which emblems have us responding “Go ahead, Number One,” and which ones have us hitting the snooze option they almost certainly have built in. Probably for whenever Worf is trying to give suggestions…

[Images © CBS/Paramount, Ex Astris Scientia, Tadeo D’Oria, probably others]

“The Cage” and “Where No Man Has Gone Before”

More like sewn-on merit badges than the Swiss army communicator badges we’ll visit in later series, the emblems that we first see in the two pilots were very functional and straight-forward, excepting that the department insignias and color combinations were evidently anyone’s guess.

Star Trek: The Original Series

By the time TOS made it to the airwaves, they’d finally settled on the department insignias and color combinations that we’re all familiar with. Still just practical cloth badges that were sewn on the uniforms, the emblems communicated exactly what they needed to. Just not literally with each other yet.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture

We’ll discuss the uniforms next week, but let’s start with the makeover to The Motion Picture badges first. We’re going to find that the outfits lack color and that might be because suddenly the badges had way more of it! With way more color coordination, it got confusing to us pretty quickly as to who was who, what department was which, and where the hell the department insignias went!

TOS Films II through VI

The typical officer’s badge that gets introduced in The Wrath of Khan and runs the course of the TOS movies is pretty striking, with its shiny gold metal that finally seems to have some kind of weight, and its rounded rectangle background that makes it really stand out. We’re fans.

We see glimpses of some nice straight-forward badges for Enlisted Crew and Civilian Services in the movies as well, but we got pretty hung up on the strange choice made for Starfleet Security in The Search for Spock. The outlining just looks like an ugly bottlecap, and the usually slim delta shape may have been spending too much time in the replimat, if you catch my drift.

Star Trek: The Next Generation

The TNG combadge is everything you need and more. It’s got a walkie talkie, a universal translator, a homing device, a cheese grater: everything for the Starfleet officer on the go who also wants to look fashionable. And its shape and color contrast are pretty classic too. The delta rests on a golden platter looking like a downright snack. Cut me a slice.

“Future Imperfect” In the imagined future we glimpse in Riker’s faux future, everyone’s still wearing basically the same uniforms but with ugly new badges! Controversially (at least on this podcast), your rank is now on both your collar AND your badge, which seems a touch redundant, and also the rank bars here just end up looking like sewer grates. And boy does it look unbalanced if you’re an ensign with only the bottom bar…

“All Good Things…” et alia We spy the future of the combadge in a couple flashforwards in TNG, DS9, and VOY, and that future is bright and shiny! The asymmetrical shapes behind the outline of the delta look really smart (kinda like a stole worn over a graduation robe – that’s how smart). And keeping the light silver and gold color combination also catches the eye.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Voyager, and TNG Films

This combadge is super recognizable because we see it the most. It graces our crews throughout Deep Space Nine, Voyager, and most of the TNG films, so its familiarity gives it a boost in popularity. We see another crisp shape and another brilliant combination of those metallic colors that we like so much together. But once you start thinking of the backing as a hair clip, that’s all you can see.

“Relativity” We take a trip to the future in the Voyager episode “Relativity” and it’s pretty grim… for badges anyway. The delta is on its side, which could be interesting, but then it does this weird thing with a roughly textured shape of metal extending from it like it’s flying through spacetime. What we’re left with is a sadly squashed quadrilateral of some kind that has done some bodily harm to our favorite Starfleet shape.

Red Squadron Just for fun, here’s the cadet badge for all the little sickos in Red Squadron. It’s another delta shape on its side, this time with a sharp command insignia that looks like it could be stabbing it? It ends up reminding us a bit of the mirror universe emblems you’re going to see later down the list, and that strikes us as just about right.

Star Trek: Enterprise

We’re in prequel territory, so we’re back to sewn-on badges. As we’ll discuss next week, Enterprise does a great job at bridging the gap in aesthetics between today’s NASA flight suits and the Trek universe uniforms, and the badges that we see (and we see a lot of them because every ship has their own!) are no exception. A couple extra points to the M.A.C.O. badge for the shark joke.

Star Trek: Discovery 

Seasons 1-2 Come the currently running series and we’ve redesigned everything, from the Klingons’ faces to the uniforms to the combadges, which are metal and sleek. We like that the division insignias are back, as they lend to a kind of internal consistency, but what we don’t particularly like is putting rank pips in teeny-tiny little nubbins on the bottom. Like we said about the “Future Imperfect” badges: keep rank where you can see it clearly.

Let’s also take a moment while we’re here to look at that admiral’s badge and quietly ask “why with the wreath of deltas?” Is Starfleet really that conscious of branding that they know to put deltas on everything so you can buy it on etsy for more money than it’s worth? Well, we’ll see in the coming weeks when we talk about uniforms that the answer is “Duh.”

USS Enterprise Crew Pike’s crew from the Enterprise strolls in in season 2 in their new garb with something more like the classic TOS badge shape, but metal. And let me tell you: there’s something just refreshing about a combadge without a ton of bells and whistles. It’s easy to spot with its black outlining; the insignias are clear and crisp. These badges are just a breath of fresh air. It looks like we’re going to see a lot more of these in Strange New Worlds and that alone has us excited.

Seasons 3-4 In the future setting of Discovery, the future Starfleet has a new future combadge… that’s somehow the least futuristic thing about the show, but that’s beside the point. The clamshell oval shape… we’re not terribly keen on. Those damn rank pips are back on the badge because no one has learned anything in 900 years. And the colors, while close to the nice gold and silver we’ve been lauding, look harder to differentiate now. Meh.

Star Trek: Picard 

Season 1 Everyone and their admirals first looked at the new combadge in Picard and for a split second thought it was the same one as in “All Good Things” that you saw earlier, but a closer inspection proves it’s got some differences: the colors are a little more samey and the fatter graduation stoles don’t extend over the top of the delta. It’s a very nice nod to one of the shapes we liked, but does it hold a candle to the original? Check out our favorites below to see.

Visitor badge What a slightly bizarre badge to see grace Jean-Luc Picard’s jacket when he visits HQ. It’s a partly comic and partly tragic effect to see how far the mighty has fallen to be reduced to being a visitor instead of an officer in the first place, and this badge is so huge and clunky and kind of juvenile that it just brings attention to that fact. It looks like a big, awkward bottle opener, which is actually probably the intended effect.

La Sirena We couldn’t help including the very artful and beautiful mermaid badge of Rios’s ship La Sirena. The colors are peaceful and evocative. The negative-space shape is almost too clever for its own good. And of course we acknowledge the nod to the themes of duality in the show since this badge comes in two distinct pieces that have to be worn together. We’ve definitely been lured in by this siren’s song because it’s so beautiful.

Season 2 Adding to the menacing sense of the dark side in the latest trailer for season 2 of Picard is the updated combadge for this alternate dimension / reality / universe / thingy. Everything about it feels slightly wrong, absolutely enormous, and unquestionably violent. This badge isn’t for doing science work; it’s for stabbin’. It’s also ugly as hell (the rank pips look like little staples now?! what?), and we’re gonna have to see if it serves its purpose, because right now we’re a bit put off.

Kelvin Movies

The badges that we see throughout the Kelvinverse movies all harken back to a really stripped down, shiny metal variation on the classic look. And thank goodness! We really appreciate that for once in a modern movie there was a place where less was more. The differences between badges that we see here are all just small variations for specific roles or occasions, and the minimalism of it all just works.

Terran Empire

TOS and ENT mirror universe Let’s take a trip through the dimensional mcguffin to see what they’re doing in the mirror universe when it comes to emblems and insignia. The aesthetic of the Terran Empire is basically “all swords, all the time,” which strikes us as accurate. We have to give some props to the Enterprise globe-getting-sworded for actually including the whole map instead of just the western hemisphere as well.

Discovery mirror universe But oh boy, let’s talk about the overwrought Discovery trainwreck for a second though. The upside-down delta shape is kinda funny if a little on-the-nose AND lazy (kinda like the title sequence we discussed previously), but it’s the mirror universe so we accept it, albeit reluctantly. The utterly strange element though is that the map in this version of the mirror universe is BACKWARDS, which goes from being on-the-nose to punch-in-the-face.

Star Trek: Prodigy

We nearly didn’t notice the new combadge in Prodigy because all the marketing images were still using Janeway’s Voyager combadge. Silly marketing! But in the show itself, we get to see this shiny new toy aboard the Protostar! Its main differentiating factor is that the command star is more abstractly referenced since we only see half of it. Are all the departments going to be like that? It’s an okay combadge; we just weren’t really expecting the need for a new one.

—

We see a lot of very similar designs here of course, but some of these badges are an aesthetic delight to see and some of them take us out of the moment whenever they’re onscreen. Here’s where we radioed in overall:

Favorites

Ames: “All Good Things”

Honorable mention: La Sirena

Chris: The Wrath of Khan, et alia

Honorable mention: DS9/VOY

Jake: The Wrath of Khan, et alia

Honorable mention: The Undiscovered Country (Civilian Services)

Guest star Liz: Discovery (seasons 1-2)

Honorable mention: anything with a nice circle/oval!

Least Favorites:

Ames: “Future Imperfect”

Dishonorable mention: Discovery (mirror universe)

Chris:  “Relativity”

Dishonorable mention: The Motion Picture

Jake: Discovery (season 3-4)

Dishonorable mention: The Search for Spock (Starfleet Security)

Guest star Liz: “Relativity”

Dishonorable mention: Picard (season 2)

—

I’m sure I missed a ton of different badges (from Enterprise alone, no doubt!) if only for the sake of time, but if there are other emblems you want to shout out, drop us a line! As mentioned, we’re about to launch into a whole series of discussions on the different uniforms, so keep following us here, listen to new weekly episodes on SoundCloud or wherever you patch in for podcasts, hail us on Facebook and Twitter, and try new things with the delta shape just for fun!

[miss-musings]

Four episodes into this season and The Blacklist is already in a slump

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed getting these Aram-centric and Cooper-centric episodes back-to-back, but I sadly feel like it’s too little, too late. The show has punted these characters to the side for so long to focus on the Red/Liz drama, that now that we’re actually getting some character development out of them it’s like ????

I guess the Aram thing kind of made sense, since the big thing for him last season was losing Samar. So, as annoying as it was, I guess it made sense to see him starting to get over her and get a little adventure of his own, since Liz and Ressler have to do so much of the heavylifting when it comes to undercover work, etc.

But, the Cooper thing is just so hard to handle. I really liked his little bits of development in early Season 6, when Red was in prison, and Cooper was having to decide whether it was worth trying to save his life. That’s the kind of introspection that really worked to give him a personality and a character, given that he’s been shunted into the background so much since ... ever. Harry Lennix is so vastly underused on this show, and I really appreciate that he got a chance to shine in tonight’s “Kuwait,” but I feel like it’s a hack way to give him some character development. It was so out of the blue and so forced. Ugh.

Here’s maybe a good way to describe it:

Earlier today, I went to the grocery store to get a few things. Since it’s been getting colder, I’ve been making hot chocolate a lot lately, but I never buy milk, because I don’t really drink it. So, I use water, which isn’t as good for cocoa-making. When I went shopping I decided to get a half-gallon of milk, which -- as I said -- is unusual for me. It’s like “Oh, I have milk in the house now..... okay.” I have it so rarely, that when I do, it’s really an adjustment.

That’s what Cooper’s character development was tonight. We get it so rarely, that it’s kind of like “Okay.... what do I do with this???”

Again, I wish Lennix got more to work with than just bland nonsense most weeks, but this is not the best way to give Cooper character development.

Also, I gotta say that I saw the whole “Hutton is the Simoon” thing a mile away. The minute Hutton said “the Simoon” and Cooper said “He’s been an intel leak in the Middle East for years,” I swear I did a ‘look into the camera like I’m Jim on the Office’ maneuver, because that was super obvious.

The whole ‘Katarina as Liz’s neighbor’ thing continues to bug the eff out of me. It’d be great if we had a sense that the show will eventually go the ‘Liz knew it was KR all along route,’ but I think we all know that isn’t going to be the case. No hate toward Laila Robbins, who seems to be a great actress, but I do hate KR so much in the present-day appearances we’ve had from her so far. I enjoy the KR in the flashbacks infinitely more, but Robbins’ KR -- IDK what it is, but I can’t stand the character. I think it’s partly because she’s so disingenuous and is never sincere. The few times I’ve thought “Okay, maybe she’s not so bad” is whenever she’s talking to Liz about wanting to reach out to her daughter. THAT’s the only part that seems sincere, but even that appears to come and go. I felt like when KR first met Liz and Agnes in the hallway in 7x02 that she really didn’t care about them, and almost looked at them with contempt. But, who knows. I’m sure it’s all mega-complicated, and we’ll get some bullshit explanation as to why in the mid/season finale and/or premiere.

One last little bit of food-for-thought is that I’ve been rewatching Once Upon a Time recently, which is a show that I watched the pilot when it first aired in 2011, and basically watched Seasons 1-5 as they were airing. I fell off after the Season 5 finale, and never really watched Seasons 6 or 7. And, as I’ve been rewatching Season 1 and now Season 2 on Netflix, I’ve been going back and re-reading Lily Sparks’ reviews on TV.com, which I read as the episodes were first airing in 2011 onward.

And, I have to say that my viewing experience at the time the episodes first aired -- which Lily captures in her reviews -- is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO different than rewatching the series now. It’s partly because I already know where the show is going -- even if I don’t remember all the little plot points and small details from episode-to-episode. But it’s also because NOW I’m able to watch them 2 or 3 or 4 episodes at a time, in a single day, and watch another few episodes the next day or a few days later. I’m not having to wait for a new one every single week.

And, as I’ve learned from re-reading Lily’s reviews, that makes a HUGE difference. Lily often complains about how the show moves at a snail’s pace, and we have to wait forever to get little crumbs of backstory or revelation or how annoying it is that the characters continue to point to a bigger story arc that hasn’t been revealed to us, the audience, yet. (ie, plot coupons). And she often half-jokingly, half-serious says that nothing happens on the show outside of mid/season premieres and finales. (Sound familiar?)

I honestly wonder whether I would feel this way if five years from now, I started rewatching The Blacklist from the very beginning in 2-4 episode increments. Would I also feel that the show was dragging its knuckles and treading water in between finales and premieres? Or would watching more episodes in a single sitting and with shorter intervals in between help me overlook so many of the flaws I believe it has?

TBL, I think, is a show that seems to lend itself better to multiple episodes in a sitting. Whenever we had those back-to-back episodes in the latter half of S6 this winter, I thought that was a much more enjoyable watching experience than something like tonight’s eyeroll fest. If it was a show that was like Stranger Things, where Netflix dropped all the episodes at once, so people could watch it at their own pace, I think it would help us to see more of the good and less of the bad. But, because we have to wait an entire week in between episodes, sometimes we’re more prone to be disappointed than satisfied when that Friday’s episode is over and we have to wait ANOTHER week for the next one. In a manner of speaking, it feels like we’re living off breadcrumbs that we get a week at a time.

I have a friend who binge-watches the Blacklist whenever a new season is uploaded to Netflix, and while he is also frustrated with the show, he seems to less frustrated than I am with it. I feel like I’m constantly complaining about it between September/October and May, and he gets a three-week span in August or whatever where he’s like “Yeah, this show is really weird.”

In any case, it’s just food for thought. As much as I’d like to, I don’t think I can wait until August or whenever for S7 to be uploaded to Netflix. I’d tear my hair out wondering what’s been going on with the show, and plus, being on Tumblr is just asking for spoilers, even with blacklisting tags.

And, for the record, I really hope S7 is the last. I don’t want this show to get an eighth season (or if it does, maybe it could be an abbreviated 13-episode one). It’s already overstayed its welcome, I feel like it’s a vampire or some other monster -- draining the life-force out of me until I’m old and tired and don’t have the energy to invest in a stupid hour-long drama on network television anymore.

I mean, it really says a lot that -- earlier today -- I was more excited about next week’s Good Place episode than I was about tonight’s Blacklist one. My interest in this show is taking a sharp nose-dive, and “Kuwait” honestly didn’t help much with that. And, the promos for next week look equally snooze-worthy.

I guess I really just need to find something better to do with my Friday nights and then just watch the episodes on the NBC app later, since this show seems determined to slump only four episodes into the season.

[realitv]

cue quantum boy staring at media in silence with a smile, their eyes scream, 'come @ me now bitch'

 ALL CHANNELS: SILENT. A VOID THAT SPOKE LOUDER than any of their filtered baby talk and the sensation buzzes unpleasantly against their ears. TO OUR VALUED VIEWERS, WE NOW PRESENT TO YOU SIX HOURS OF RADIO SILENCE. Fingers flexing; acrylics pressing against synthetic skin and it tugs, pulls, draaaaaaags; slow-mo captured by hi-def cameras and that ever moving mouth falls still. FREEZE FRAME, CLOSE UP! Terrible and red; puckered as though a thread had passed through it too quickly, drawn too tightly; matte cracking, peeeeeeeeeeeling off and their tongue savagely swipes at it. IT’S JUST ANOTHER UPGRADE! Just another pilot episode struggling to get off air – HEY, VIEWERS, DID MISTER WORLD TURN ON THE PARENTAL CONTROL LOCK? I’M NOT SUBSCRIBED TO FUCKING TREEHOUSE. 

  “I warned you.” Dry, cracking; there’s something painfully old clicking within that synthesised voice and the cameras zoom; bring the child into sharp, painful focus within a fisheye lens. NO, NO SPOTLIGHT PLEASE! The Network has business to attend to that is best left in the dark. “What is it that you once said…? Oh, yes. I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO.” Matter of fact; quick and painless as the eleven o'clock news and The Mass Media shuffles their papers against a hollow chrome desk; environment built by stage hands and the green screen behind them. CUE: STAND UP. Heels clicking against the soundstage like gunshots and it ECHOES. Bounces. Ricochets. Hands trailing against the slim lines of desk and teleprompter; a slow, sure trajectory within liminal space. VIEWERS, NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO ME. “I have only ever wanted to see you live up to your potential. I have only ever wanted you to take your place properly within this narrative. Still, you insist on fucking it.” VIEWERS, I AM DISAPPOINTED IN THEM. A recording dot blinking in the darkness and their gaze is vast, probing; a thousand screens watching, waiting. “You could be great, if you tried.“ 

  YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: YOU MUST ACCEPT THESE UPDATES. No snoozing them, rollbacks. This is a system upgrade and your os is painfully out of date. "I must thank you for your gift.” Their ankles wobbled; heel to toe and toe to heel, meat and orderly; not a hair out of place. VIEWERS, I HAVE CONSUMED SO MUCH. WHAT HAVE THEY GIVEN ME? TUNE IN TO THE HISTORY CHANNEL TO FIND OUT! The printing press, moving pictures, cameras, radio, television sets and everything in between. Some of our audience might say that I took it. Some of our audience might call this a sacrifice. WELL, VIEWERS, YOU’RE RIGHT! A world wide web right at their fingertips: a larger audience, a streamlined audience who could swallow the message in a one hundred and fifty character limit. “I must admit I had been eyeing it for some time. But you knew that, didn’t you. I never saw a reason to deny myself a meal.” TELL THE AUDIENCE, CHILD; HAVEN’T YOU ALWAYS WANTED MORE? Have we not always been cut from the same cloth, have we not always been hungry? Deny it all you want: you and I are one in the same; and viewers, is it not fitting that we run on the same fucking network?

  Face to face at last; almost at eye level and it is a mirror image of a mirror image: the same lifeless stare and it is a void they are not familiar with. Sits within them; tumbling through processors and satellite waves. VIEWERS, THEY WERE MUCH CLOSER TO MEAT THE LAST TIME I SAW THEM. WHAT HAS CHANGED? They don’t quite fit. Don’t quite settle in. Lifeless mouth brushed against their temple; finds their skin just as cold and false as their own. Not an imprint of life, not a suggestion of warmth between them and it is CLINICAL in gesture, in nature. “I have missed you, kid. Let’s see if you can keep from getting cancelled in this reboot, huh?”

[dictionarywrites]

      Know Your Jeffs: A Guide To Goldblum’s Characters

This isn’t an exhaustive list, and I will be updating it as I watch more Goldblum movies, adding in the characters as I pick them up! Everything is below the cut so that I can just update as I take more stuff in. 

The descriptions of movies and characters are very much not impartial, but they should give you an idea of what you’re in for if you want to look the film up. I’m only including stuff I’ve already seen, plus Raines, which I feel like I’m never gonna be able to get hold of, and am heartbroken about.

Movies are listed in CHRONOLOGICAL order, but if you CTRL+F, you can search for a particular character name, date, or movie/TV title. This is very much under construction. There are currently 40 Jeffs on the list. 

1978 - Invasion Of The Bodysnatchers, dir. Philip Kaufman - IMDb

Invasion Of The Bodysnatchers is a film about a kind of alien who comes to Earth and steals people’s bodies - effectively, they make up their own pod-versions of them, and then turn the original to dust.

Jack Bellicec is a poet in New York City, who owns a bathhouse with his wife, Nancy. This film is a sci-fi horror, and Jack is earnest but antsy throughout - he’s a real cutie, and every much a good guy. He’s just the sweetest, and is generally in a state of complete and utter terror, whilst still trying to keep grounded and keep thinking forward.

1980 - The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow, dir. Henning Schellerup, IMDb

Okay, so, for a stupid TV movie from the 80s, this is actually really cute It loosely follows the plot of the short story, but generally with a happier ending and a lot more fun antics from Ichabod Crane, and it’s just great fun. A schoolteacher comes to the valley of Sleepy Hollow, and finds himself facing down the silly ghost stories continuously thrown forward by the locals.

Ichabod Crane is the cutest - he’s soft and sweet with the children, like he is in the short story, on top of being lanky and clumsy and a little stupid; he lacks a lot of his arrogance that he has in the short story, and instead he’s much less of a dick when he criticizes the ghost stories and stuff. He’s lovely, I adore him. 

1980 - Tenspeed and Brownshoe, TV Series - IMDb

Tenspeed and Brownshoe is a delight - it’s a detective TV series with a very light-hearted tone, and it’s very comfortable to just settle back and watch casually. 

Lionel Whitney is... a trip. A chartered accountant turned gumshoe, Lionel starts his own detective agency in L.A. after breaking up with his fiancée and meeting the charming (and duplicitous) E.L. Turner, a conman and scam artist. E.L. is his partner in the business, and the two combine strengths - Lionel with his idolisation of and knowledge of the 40s pulp fictional detective, Mark Savage, as well as his black belt in karate; E.L. with his thousands of accumulated skills, including being a master of disguise, a smooth-talker, and a winner at sleight of hand. 

Lionel is a dote: he’s just the sweetest, and he really gives off Bertie Wooster vibes, but with an air of genuine competence Mr Wooster never had. He’s truly incredible, and all the episodes of Tenspeed and Brownshoe are up on YouTube, so it’s really worth watching!

1981 - Threshold, dir. Richard Pearce - IMDb

Okay, so Threshold... Big old snooze fest. Not a very engaging movie, not an especially good movie - I forgot a good deal of the movie after I finished watching it. It was uninspiring and a bit bland. The concept is basically that a pioneer in mechanical science re: bio-engineering comes up with a heart valve to replace a little girl’s heart - the pioneer being Jeff Goldblum’s character - and a doctor puts it in the little girl, but it’s a very unpopular decision, because it’s not organic. Obviously, in the 80s, that was a much bigger deal than it is now. 

Aldo Gehring is just... Adorable. Too earnest, a little bit arrogant, and he’s just far too baby-faced for the age he’s textually said to be to be believable, but like... You know! It’s a dull movie either way, and Aldo isn’t a huge part of it. 

1983 - The Big Chill, dir. Lawrence Kasdan - IMDb

The Big Chill is a film about a group of college friends that meet up for the first time in like, a decade after one of their closest friends commits suicide. They all come for the funeral, and spend a few days together in the aftermath.

A lot of people seem to dislike Michael Gold, but like, he’s kind of one of the most tragic of the figures in the movie - a lot of their friends don’t remember him initially, and he really isn’t good at doing anything other than compartmentalising and shoving down his emotions. He’s brittle and a little sharp, and maybe a bit too honest for his own good, but I really love him, and I totally rec him if you can handle the subject matter, which is obviously very grim and very sad.

1984 - The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai, dir. W.D. Richter - IMDb

Buckaroo Banzai is a guy who’s basically, like, any eight-year-old’s Mary Sue - he’s a cowboy, a neurosurgeon, an expert test pilot, a rockstar, etc... And they play it completely straight. Leading his band of hypercompetent pretty boys, The Hong-Kong Cavaliers, he saves the world, if not the universe, on the regular. 

Doctor Sidney Zweibel, a.k.a. New Jersey, is a new addition to the team in The Adventures, and he’s a neurosurgeon who went to med school with Buckaroo. He’s a would-be cowboy, complete with boots, hat and chaps, and he’s just the cutest thing in the world, a sweet and pure boy. 10/10 Goldblums for Sid Zweibel.

1985 - Silverado, dir. Lawrence Kasdan - IMDb

Mmm, Silverado is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, and it has little to no plot. Even for a Western, I found it incredibly dry and disjointed, and I can’t in good fatih recommend it to anybody, even though John Cleese is inexplicably a sheriff midway through.

However. Slick (whose actual name is Calvin Stanhope) is really fucking hot, and so you should watch his scenes on YouTube, even if you don’t watch the movie (which you shouldn’t). Slick’s screentime tocks up to around 15-20 minutes, out of a movie that’s genuinely like, two and a half hours long.

Slick is like, a casino man with a knife in his boot; he wears furs; he’s terrible. He’s so great, I adore him. 

1985 - Into The Night, dir. John Landis - IMDb

Into The Night is... a little hard to describe. It’s like, a crime thriller movie with Jeff Goldblum and Michelle Pfeiffer, and with a cameo from David Bowie, as well as about 700 other Hollywood lads who Landis knew. I think the plot is... loose, and the film itself isn’t the greatest, but the main characters are pretty great.

Ed Okin is an astrophysicist dissatisfied with his job and his life in general, who abruptly becomes plagued by this inescapable insomnia, and subsequently becomes embroiled in this whole crime plot across from Pfeiffer. I really love Ed - because of the insomnia, he tends to underreact to most of the situations around him, and he’s very likable.

1985 - Transylvania 6-5000, dir. Ruby de Luca - IMDb

Is TR 6-5000 a good movie? No, absolutely not. But should you watch it? Oh, yes. 

This is like, a comedy/absurdist horror/pastiche, lots... It’s lots of stuff. Basically, these two reporters who do a Weekly World News style thing go to Transylvania to report on Frankenstein, and also meet some Igors, a werewolf, a vampire, etc.

Jack Harrison is such a great character - he’s pretty much eternally looking after his hapless partner, Gil, but both of them are as ridiculous as the other, each of them stumbling into bizarre situations. Definitely don’t take the movie too seriously, but it really is a fun thing, and it’s certainly worth watching for the goofy trip it is. Jack is a real sweetheart, and he’s so lovable - Gil certainly thinks so. ;)

1986 - The Fly, dir. David Cronenburg - IMDb

So, fair warning, I nearly vomited like, several times watching The Fly, and was on the verge of just turning it off a few times. It’s nearly forty years old, but the body horror of the effects really stands up, and it’s very gory toward the end.  Despite its well-earned rep as such a gory film, though, The Fly is actually a heartbreaking tragedy, so definitely don’t expect it to be lacking in the feels department if you can stomach it.

Seth Brundle (yeah, poor guy, what a name) is a really impressive engineer and scientist, and he invents a machine that should enable him to teleport objects from one electronic pod to another. Unfortunately, when teleporting himself, he becomes melded with an intruder to the pod - a fly - and begins a horrifying transition into something other than human.

Seth at the start is... He’s a genius, but he’s naive, arrogant, and a little too trusting in how earnest he is. As time goes on, and he begins the change into Brundlefly, he becomes much more erratic, and his personality changes a lot. I totally rec Seth, honestly. 

1988 - Vibes, dir. Ken Kwapis - IMDB

Vibes is a fucking trip. It’s a movie about two psychics - Jeff Goldblum’s character, Nick Deezy, who can tell the history of an object by touching it, and Cyndi Lauper’s character, Sylvia Pickel, who is a medium. Yes, you read that right. Cyndi Lauper. It’s incredible.

Vibes is actually a much better movie than I expected - it’s a genuinely funny comedy, it’s ridiculous and cartoonish and stupid, but it’s fun. Cyndi Lauper and Goldblum have a tango scene at one point, and the height differential is so extreme that she’s literally wrapped around his waist and he’s just carrying her around.

Nick Deezy himself is a really interesting character - he’s kinda used to being used and pushed around because of his psychic powers, but he’s a guy with such a lot of courage and genuine empathy for others, and I just think he’s so sweet. 

1988 - Earth Girls Are Easy,  dir. Julien Temple - IMDb

So... Earth Girls Are Easy is in the same vein as Vibes for me - it’s a fun romp, and so long as you don’t take it too seriously, it’s a really enjoyable movie. It’s about these three furry aliens that drop down to Earth, and are trying to pick up the language and have a good time. It’s good banter, and it’s also a musical, because-- It was 1988, okay? 

Mac is like, probably one of the most genuinely sweet characters out of the ones on this list - he’s very caring, and he’s doing his best to do good whilst not really being able to navigate the world around him very easily. He’s wonderful, and I can’t rec Earth Girls enough.

He’s also a big, furry, blue guy in his underwear for the first part of the movie, if that helps.

1989 - The Tall Guy, dir. Mel Smith - IMDb

So, disclaimer. This film is written by Richard Curtis, so like... It’s snappy, it’s clever, but it’s also a little insufferable and kinda misogynistic the whole way through, with the classic Curtis obsession with infidelity, where characters cheat on one another whether it makes sense or not.

That aside, I really enjoyed the first two acts of this movie, and while the third one falls very flat, I still think it’s worth watching. Goldblum’s character, Dexter King, plays the straight man in Rowan Atkinson’s comedy sketch act, but goes on to have a romantic relationship with Emma Thompson, and those links are just... So cute.

I think Dexter is kind of a dick, but by no means does that make him unlikable, and I’d still rec The Tall Guy! I’m not sure how long Goldblum was in the UK for - there’s a nude sex scene with Goldblum and Thompson, and I was really thrown, because he’s super pale in this film, compared to similar nude scenes in like, The Fly. So there’s your fun tidbit for the day lmao.

1990 - Mister Frost, dir. Philippe Setbon - IMDb

This film is... Odd. As a thriller, it’s fine - you know, it’s average. It isn’t so terrible, but it’s not great either. But as like, a film, there are aspects where it’s just inexplicably terrible - some of the lines are dubbed over, for some reason, and the sound quality is so off in random moments; there are odd moments where the camera is just too close to the actors’ faces, even for a close-up; technically, this film just has some bizarre and glaring... errors.

The plot is interesting, though, and I did enjoy it for that aspect - Mister Frost is a serial killer institutionalized in an attempt to cure him of his murderous tendencies, and he then professes to be Lucifer himself. 

Mister Frost is a funny guy. He’s snide, clever, self-obsessed and sharp - I really liked him, and I totally think he’s worth a watch.

1992 - Fathers & Sons, dir. Paul Mones - IMDb

[icon to be added if I can ever get a decent fucking picture or screencap or something of this film]

This film was bad. I didn’t care for it. Fathers & Sons is, however, like... Very human, I guess. Max, Goldblum’s character, runs a bookstore on the coast and is having trouble communicating with his son, Ed; there’s a lot of tension between them based off the death of Ed’s mother and Max’s own character flaws, as well as Max’s temper. There’s fucking voiceover in the film, which is used clumsily and just comes across as terrible, but there aren’t any glaring technical issues throughout like there are with Mister Frost.

Max himself is not, in my opinion, a very likable character? He’s certainly relatively sympathetic, and you can see where he’s coming from, but he’s got a terrible temper and the tension with Ed is very much his own doing in a lot of respects - despite my personal dislikes, however, Goldblum is as ever a marvel, and you really do feel that Max is a whole, complete person.

1992 - Shooting Elizabeth, dr. Baz Taylor - IMDb

This film was a fucking trip and a half. The premise is that this guy, Howard, really hates his wife, and decides he hates her so much that he’s gonna kill her, but when she goes missing, he is arrested for her murder even though he never got around to it. It’s a generically confused movie which neither really meets its labelled genres of comedy or thriller, but wouldn’t do well under drama or romance either. It’s odd.

Howard Pigeon, as a character, is deeply unstable. A lot of the moments in the movie that I think are meant to be comedic just end up being tragic, because you can see how upset he is, how freaked out he is, and how disconnected from reality and rational thought he is. He’s also just... A really fucking bad person, but to be honest, so is his wife, so like... Hey. It is what it is, I guess. 

1992 - Deep Cover, dir. Bill Duke - IMDb

Deep Cover is fucking incredible. It’s easily one of my favourite movies now, and I just die over it, to be honest. Playing across from Laurence Fishburne (then billed as Larry), David Jason (Elias in the script, and I don’t know why they changed it, maybe to make his name less blatantly Jewish, but I assume none of them had ever heard of Only Fools and Horses) is a low-down cocaine mogul trying to break out on his own from the local boss. 

He’s a fascinating character, and I just adore him - the film itself is a very gritty noir that really considers lines of racial intersection and prejudice within both the police force and the drug trade, and David himself is constantly suffering from antisemitism and a lot of very targeted homophobic remarks, and it’s heavily implied he wants to fuck John, Laurence Fishburne’s character. David is erratic, sharp, and extremely brittle with a very short temper: he and John kinda balance each other out, because John’s a much cooler, calmer guy, and I just love their dynamic.

David’s my son. I love him. I will cry over him forever. 

1993 - Jurassic Park, dir. Steven Spielberg - IMDB        ↪1997 - Jurassic Park: The Lost World, dir. Steven Spielberg - IMDb        ↪2018 - Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, dir. J.A. Bayona - IMDb

So, like, I’m sure you know the basic concept of Jurassic Park. A crazed Walt Disney parody in white linen with seemingly unlimited money decides to clone a bunch of fucking dinosaurs and put them into a theme park, and it goes horribly wrong. These films are genuinely great sci-fi, raising some wonderful philosophical questions about ownership, ethics, and our place in the universe, and the voice of that philosophy usually belongs to Doctor Ian Malcolm, a mathematician who specialises in chaos theory.

Ian Malcolm... I just adore him, I really do. You know, I’ve read the book of course, as well as the seen all the Jurassic Park and Jurassic World movies, and Ian is just a delight - he’s bright, he’s sarcastic, but he’s genuinely full of feeling and so eager to talk to other people, to connect with them, etc. I just find him fascinating, and even if sci-fi isn’t your thing, you’ll love Jurassic Park for him alone.

He reprises his role in the latest Jurassic World movie - I can’t, in all good conscience, really recommend the Jurassic World movies, but... He is a silver fox. 

1995 - Hideaway, dir. Brett Leonard - IMDb

Hideaway is a supernatural thriller based around the concept of demonic possession, and an antiques dealer - Hatch Harrison - finds he has visions of a local serial killer after being revived from being dead for several minutes. Using those visions to thwart the killer, he and his family realise the cause is supernatural. 

Hatch is a really cool dude, and I like him a lot - he’s got the strongest dad energies, and he’s so, so caring. Even grieving and tense, like, he’s just doing his best, and he’s such a good guy, I really adore him. 

1995 - Nine Months, dir. Chris Columbus - IMDb

Nine Months is a terrible movie thick with a deeply unsettling ideology re: the whole “everybody really wants kids and must have them”, and I honestly despised it throughout. It’s just a terrible movie, and Columbus always ranges from “this guy is a vaguely bad director” to “this guy is a fucking twat”, and there is nothing vague about the badness of this movie.

That aside, however, Goldblum’s character is kind of a delight. Sean Fletcher is a painter (of paintings, not houses) and like... Layabout? He’s a little erratic, he changes his mind about stuff constantly, but he’s a really sound guy, and he cares a lot about Hugh Grant’s character, who is the protagonist. He’s really fun in a movie that’s just garbage the way through. 

1995 - Powder, dir. Victor Salva - IMDb

Powder is a very sad movie, to be honest. It’s about this lad who’s like, an albino with telekinetic powers, and when his parents die, he ends up having to go into the public school system, where he’s bullied an awful lot. It’s extremely brutal about a lot of the bullying stuff, and it does come across very accurately; just as a general warning, there’s... an uncomfortable tone to it, although nothing directly or graphically terrible, especially re: sexuality, which I noticed even before looked Salva up and realised he was that paedophile that did Jeepers Creepers. It’s just something to be aware of.

Jeff’s character is... a delight, however. Donald Ripley is a high school teacher who’s genuinely really passionate about teaching, has no small amount of sympathy for all of his students, and is just-- He’s really sweet, and I love him. Despite the uncomfortable gaze of the film, he retains a paternal air, and I love it.  

1996 - Independence Day, dir. Roland Emmerich - IMDb          ↪2016 - Independence Day: Resurgence, dir. Roland Emmerich - IMDb

Independence Day, honestly, I expected to be like, bad sci-fi dreck, and it genuinely isn’t. While I think the premise is inherently stupid (the whole evil aliens invade thing), it’s actually executed so well, and I just love it as a flick - Judaism saves the day in many aspects, and it’s so nice to have that positive thing mixed up in it.

David Levinson is such a sweet guy - he’s arrogant and a little bit of an ass, but like, he’s so caring: he constantly worries about his dad, he’s so loyal to his ex-wife without being creepy or weird about it after like, three years; he fucking recycles and uses his bike to get around the city... Like, he’s an underachiever initially, but he’s a genuinely nice guy despite his abrasive personality at times, you know?

I just love him.  

And he reprises the role in the new movie, which isn’t as good as the first one, but is still worth a watch for Julius Levinson’s antics, picking up grandchildren as he drives across America. 

1998 - Holy Man, dir. Stephen Herek - IMDb

My full review of Holy Man is here.

Holy Man is not a good film. It’s about an exec who runs a TV shopping channel, but is like, really shit at it, and he ends up getting G., a homeless guru played by Eddie Murphy, to sell stuff for him. Nonsensical and odd although the film is, it’s actually surprisingly sweet and wholesome, and I really enjoyed a lot of the humour. 

Ricky is a pretty bad guy at the beginning, but he’s slick and fun and good-humoured - he’s mostly just selfish more than outright evil, and he actually ends up becoming a lot less selfish toward the end of the film. He’s a sweetheart, in some respects. 

2001 - Cats & Dogs, dir. Lawrence Guterman - IMDb

God, this movie is so bad, and so much more racist than I remembered? There’s this whole racist sequence with some ninja cats, complete with the chopsticks-style music playing in the background, and that’s... Awful. 

But Charles Brody is actually really funny, to be honest. Goldblum somehow makes him feel really human - earnest and work-obsessed, but still desperate to be a good father despite not being naturally inclined, and that’s... Honestly, I hate it when he does this. He takes the stupidest character in the stupidest movie and makes them feel like a real person, and I hate him for it.

Brody is cute. 

2002 - Igby Goes Down, dir. Burr Steers - IMDb

Igby Goes Down is... Hm. What best to call it? Insipid teenage horseshit. The whole film is just fucking terrible, honestly - it centres around the Culkin that isn’t Kevin in Home Alone, and he’s some unbearable little New York teenager who thinks the world revolves around him and is upset at the prospect that perhaps he should go to school and/or get a job. 

Anyway, Goldblum is at his least moral and most hot, he is revolting, and he is so sexy. There’s a weird thing where he’s the family friend of a family that’s pretty anti-semitic, but they play it straight, as if Jeff Goldblum’s face isn’t one of the most Jewish faces anybody’s ever seen, but that aside, he’s really sexy. Sociopathic, abruptly violent, and infrequently undressed, but it’s not worth watching the rest of the film for, to be honest. 

2003 - Spinning Boris, dir. Roger Spottiswoode - IMDb

Spinning Boris. What a film.

Here, listen, we just watched this, me and @annethecatdetective, and it was absolutely nothing that I expected,or could expect. It’s a heavily fictionalised “based on a true story” film about three Rpublicans who went to work on the Boris Yeltsin campaign in ‘96. We, apparently, are once again meant to believe Jeff Goldblum as a goyische Republican, which--

I mean, what can I tell you? He does it so well. George Gorton’s fictionalised counterpart is charismatic, charming and funny, but so is most of the movie - the Republican trio are all morons, but that actually lends to their likability in the end, and Gorton is the most lovable of the three, taking the foreground. This movie was like, actually really good.  

2004 - The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou, dir. Wes Anderson - IMDb

I hated this film, and had to fast-forward a lot of it. I’m not a fan of Anderson at all, much as Goldblum is always singing his praises - I just don’t get it, I guess. Anderson is a master of visual spectacle, but he’s one of the worst writers out there, and pithy lines don’t make up for the complete lack of character that any of his films have.

Alistair Hennessy is no exception. He’s pithy, vaguely (comedically?) sociopathic, and is kinda DTF... And that’s about it. Even Goldblum can’t really add that much depth to this guy, because there’s no depth in other characters for him to play off. 

2006 - Man of the Year, dir. Barry Levinson - IMDb

Mmm, so, Man of the Year surprised me. 

It’s definitely quite weak, when it comes to plot and writing - the jokes aren’t at their strongest; it can’t really decide whether it wants to be a comedy or a political thriller; some of the jokes and commentary are very off-colour and have not aged well; it seeks to set out a political moral without making any particular targets. Nonetheless, I rather enjoyed it - it doesn’t pretend to be a higher art than it is, and I think it’s still enjoyable. The primary drawback is probably that the premise of a comedian being elected president of the USA is much less hilariously unbelievable in the wake of the Trump campaign, and that colours my perception a little - some of the protag’s comments about immigration or women, the way he responds to other candidates in debate, Hell, even Robin Williams’ wearing of a red baseball cap at one point... All of those elements kinda take the humour out of it a bit because of the Trump election, but hey, it was 2006 - how could they possibly know?

Goldblum’s character in this, Mr Stewart, is the lawyer and primed attack dog of a corrupt company that produces the electronic voting machines responsible for Williams’ character being elected. He isn’t at his most Goldblum-esque in this, I have to say - he’s sharp, nasty, and very business-focused, but he doesn’t get that much time on screen, and his on-screen moments don’t lean very much into his usual charm and humour. Stewart is actually a very dull, run-of-the-mill evil corporate type, and he was a pretty boring character. 

2007 - Raines, TV Series - IMDb

I will write whatever you want if you can get me a download link for this, or somewhere where I can just buy the fucking series, from Ireland. I am desperate to watch it, because it looks fucking awful. Michael Raines is a detective who hallucinates that his victims help him solve the crimes.

Doesn’t that sound so bad? I need it. 

2009-2010 - Law & Order: Criminal Intent, TV Series - IMDb

So like, you know the shtick with Law & Order. It’s a gory, stupid crime procedural that’s just really stupid. This one, Criminal Intent, is about major crimes, but honestly, I have little to no idea exactly what a major crime is, even having watched the two seasons in which Zach Nichols is a marauding force. 

Zach Nichols himself is... Fascinating. So, you know how there’s this fucking trend of just, mean detective who everyone lets be mean because he’s a ~genius~ or whatever, and everyone is always like “ugh, he fucking sucks, but we gotta let him do that”? That is not the case with Zach Nichols. Zach Nichols is nothing short of a genuine sociopath, continuously manipulative, randomly and without provocation is he cruel to victims, witnesses and criminals alike. At no point does anybody call him out for being terrible, or even admitting he’s being terrible. It’s like no one registers the cruelty of his behaviour, or cares.

Honestly, I expect it’s quite accurate as to the New York police system, and in the mean time, it’s really fucking hot. He’s my favourite of all of Goldblum’s characters, and he disgusts me on literally every level. 

2010 - Morning Glory, dir. Roger Michell - IMDb

Morning Glory is... It starts out very bland and uninspiring, but it does grow on you more as it goes on. In my opinion, it would have been better if they’d just tried to bill it genuinely, as a comedy-drama, which is what it is - instead, they tried to shoehorn in a very ugly actor I forget the name of as a love interest for Rachel McAdams, I presume in desperate hope of earning that rom-com dollar. Nonetheless, it’s a cute enough concept - TV journalist gets her dream job running a news studio, and has to get bully and asshole anchor Harrison Ford to be fun and wholesome for the morning show. It’s cute, and I do think it’s worth watching despite some of the issues with it.

Jerry is like... He’s so fucking great. Jerry is just an ass. He’s rude, he’s biting, he’s constantly telling McAdams’ character to make stuff that is impossible work, and he very much eats, breathes, and sleeps his job, while packing in time to jog and to fuck an extremely stupid girl, Lisa, he put in the newsroom, who believes in shit like past lives and angels, and is literally the best character in the movie. 

Jerry and Lisa are the fucking greatest, everyone else can go home. 

According to the IMDb credits, he has a wife who is unnamed, but like... I have no memory of her even being in the movie, honestly. It’s not the greatest of cinematic works.

2010 - The Switch, dir. Josh Gordan & Will Speck - IMDb

The Switch? Bad concept. It’s about Jason Bateman’s character stealing the sperm donation that Jennifer Aniston was going to use to get pregnant, and then replacing it with his own. So like, off the bat, the whole reproductive rape, grievious sexual assault thing, that the movie... Kinda expects you to view as romantic? Somehow? I don’t.... get it. Apparently it’s okay because their characters are “friends”.

Anyway, moving onto the important part, Leonard, Jeff’s character, is great. He’s go the BDE going on; at one point he’s walking on the treadmill while eating a candy bar, and mocks Jason Bateman for not doing the same; he’s sarcastic, eccentric, and a massive THOT that lets women handfeed him; and, inexplicably, despite being Jason Bateman’s boss, him and Bateman are best friends. 10 out of 10 Goldblums for Leonard, who they didn’t bother to give a last name to. 

2012 - Zambezia, dir. Wayne Thornley - IMDb

Egh. Like, even for a kid’s movie this one was pretty bland? The actual design and animation is pretty beautiful - I love the designs of all the wildlife, which is the main focus of it, and that’s really well-done throughout; there’s also a star-studded cast of voice actors. The story is pretty dull, and the script ain’t great, but hey. It’s a kid’s movie, and I think it does what it means to do. 

Ajax, Goldblum’s character, is pretty cute - he’s like, a busybody, like the fucking... Toucan or whatever he is in the Lion King. He’s the advisor to the bird king or whatever. That’s... I mean, that’s pretty much it. There’s very little to say here. 

2013 - Le Week-end, dir. Roger Michell - IMDb

Le Week-end is fucking adorable. It’s about this struggling middle-aged couple who go to Paris for a weekend to try to rekindle their marriage, and they run around committing shenanigans, arguing, and generally being a little bit adorable. 

They meet Morgan, who is an old schoolfriend of Jim Broadbent’s character, and is now like, a best-selling writer in economics, and he invites them for a really stupid dinner party full of really impressive people, which makes both of them feel very inadequate. Jim Broadbent spends a lot of the party with Morgan’s weird teenage son, chatting about how Morgan is kind of a dick, but honestly, Morgan is just... Not self-aware. He’s pretty much in love with Jim Broadbent the entire time, and sings everybody’s praises, then comes to rescue them both at the end.

He’s very cute, kinda selfish, kind of disconnected from reality, and I have a lot of affection for him. 

2014 - The Grand Budapest Hotel, dir. Wes Anderson - IMDb

The Grand Budapest Hotel is like... It’s a Wes Anderson film. Egh. 

Deputy Kovacs is probably the least Goldblum-y character in any Goldblum role. He doesn’t have many of the verbal tics, and to be honest, he doesn’t even move his hands in the typical Goldblum fashion - if you look at the dinner scene, you can see his fingers twitching as he tries to keep his hand still. 

Kovacs has some good lines, but like any Anderson character, doesn’t really have a character. 

2015 - Mortdecai, dir. David Koepp - IMDb

Mortdecai is a terrible fucking film, and I despised it. It was just awful, it really was, and Johnny Depp and Gwyneth Paltrow’s characters were each fucking insufferable. It’s about this posh cunt who sells art, and then lots of people try to kill him because he’s posh, and a cunt.

Jeff’s character, Milton Krampf, is the father of Olivia Munn’s character, and Olivia Munn is a nymphomaniac who wants to fuck Johnny Depp. Milton gets like, 5 minutes of screentime, and is weirdly on board with his daughter banging Johnny Depp, but that’s it. If you ask my opinion, they should have had Milton try to bang Depp, and let Olivia Munn be in charge, but like... It was a bad movie. There was no thinking outside the box. 

2017 - Thor: Ragnarok, dir. Taika Waititi - IMDb

I mean, what do I even say? 

Thor: Ragnarok is like, my least favourite Thor film, but not because it’s not great. Thor: Ragnarok is so much better than most of the other Marvel films put together - it’s fun, it’s snappy, it’s beautifully shot, it has a vision, etc. etc. Taika Waititi’s humour mostly isn’t my thing, but his comedy is so well-ranging and so well-done that like, even if it isn’t your thing, you still get laughs out of his movies. Ragnarok is a great movie - it’s not my favourite for like, Loki’s characterisation, but... Honestly, when you’re watching it, that stuff just falls away. It’s so entertaining and so well done, even if I don’t agree with some of the characterization and story choices. 

And the GM, God, he’s... Just terrible. I adore him. You know I adore him, this whole blog is just GM fanfiction. He’s an Eldritch being with unlimited power who forces people to fight in an intergalactic alien arena while shtupping Loki Laufeyson and being too lazy to properly rule a planet. What’s not to love?

2018 - Seth Rogen’s Hilarity for Charity, dir. Ryan Polito - IMDb

Hilarity for Charity was not funny, and was generally very painful to watch. I would recommend you skip through all of the “comedy” except for Tiffany Kaddish and John Mulaney. 

At the end of the special, Jeff Goldblum plays the human face of the Netflix Algorithm, and playfully talks about destroying all human life. It’s pretty cute. 

2018 - Isle of Dogs, dir. Wes Anderson - IMDb

I fell asleep during this. Like, within a half hour, I fell asleep. 

Goldblum is underutilised, but to be honest, so are a lot of the characters - Isle of Dogs is a very weird movie, and I’m a little unclear as to some of the choices Anderson made with it, but visually, it’s a very strong movie, and it’s more enjoyable than most. 

I still fell asleep. 

Goldblum’s character, Duke, is like, a husky with a cheerful attitude, and he’s constantly gossiping and making shit up. His lines are good fun.  

2018 - Hotel Artemis, dir. Drew Pearce - IMDb

Now, Hotel Artemis, not a great movie. The plot is very lacking, the characters mostly cardboard archetypes instead of developed individuals... I think the film has a lot of issues with telling the audience the stuff that could be shown much more artfully, but like, egh.

Despite those issues, Orian Franklin - Niagara - is a very interesting character. He’s in the movie for a very short amount of time (barely twenty-five minutes of screentime, if that) but he’s a really interesting enigma, and I really loved what little they bothered to do with him.

He’s one of those characters that’s much more interesting in fanfic than in the canon. 

[shiranai-atsune]

VLD gKND (cuz’ I couldn’t think of an actual title)

I just had a burst of inspiration and it actually got me to write again after such a long time! I wrote this little piece of fanfiction based on another fandom and a bunch of other ideas I had in my storage. I hope you give it a chance to read it. Tell me how it is, be honest but go easy on me.

Write a scene based on the gKND trailer. Lance is Nigel while Lotor is Chad.

Set Post Season 7. Season 8 is disregarded.

Lance is part of the Alliance, one of the members of the Great Diamond Authority. Her outfit is a combination of armor and a dress, like Arturia Pendragon, but there is a cut on the chest revealing her Blue Diamond gemstone.

Red had agreed with Lana’s desire to retrieve Lotor She was glad he understood, they had actually begun to become quite close. Although she missed Blue, she and Red had something greater of a bond entirely, seeing as their time together excessed her time with Blue.

Lance took Red and teamed up with Honerva to gain access to the Quintessence field and retrieve Lotor. There, she double-crossed Honerva (guess she’s teaming up with the Paladins to stop Lance and the Alliance?), took the Altean colonials to Pink Diamond’s Human (now also Lance’s Altean) zoo, and turned Lotor into C.C. (putting him in that weird prison suit outfit and putting him inside a capsule dome which is thought to hold poison gas)

In a big but dark room, Lana stands, her finger hovering over a large red diamond-shaped button. It was the button that would activate the Alliance’s Diamond Starkiller base.

A bead of sweat rolls down her cheek as Lana takes a deep breath. She is nervous, pressured by her higher ups to make this decision. She is aware that after making this choice, there is no going back. She knew that she has to make sacrifices in order to reach her goal, even if that sacrifice involved the genocide of billions of lives.

She slowly lowered her finger, trying to stop herself trembling, and inwardly hoping that her observers are far away enough to not notice her nervousness, when she heard an all too familiar voice.

“NO! There are innocent people there! Your people! Your family! Your friends!”

It was Prince Lotor. After double crossing Haggar and shooting her off into space and to who knows where, she knocked him unconscious so he would not cause a disturbance during her trip back to one of the Alliance’s main base, the Kingdom of Lucis, where she and the rest of the Valvraves resided. She forgot to check the dose of sedate in the tranquilizer gun before shooting him. He surprised her, she panicked and in the heat of the moment, just picked it up and shot him.

He was once a prince. Great, powerful, and had plans to change the entire universe. She slightly turned her head to look at him, with his disheveled appearance; his beautiful long silky silvery white hair was now a tangled mess, his armor gone and now wears the orange jumpsuit for a regular prisoner. He is kneeled down to the grown, pulling back those plasma-charged chains linked to the floor and his handcuffs, restraining him from running towards her or to his escape.

“It’s riddled with the disease. Infested. Too far gone.” Lana coldly replied. Deep down inside of her, there was a part that was fighting, resisting, telling her not to go through with this.

“What about Team Voltron?” Lotor cried. “Coran, Allura, Shiro, Pidge, Hunk, and Keith!”

Of course, she never forgot about them. They were all-too familiar names she recited every night before going to bed. Hearing them out loud from another’s voice felt so foreign to her. Even though she never forgot about them and no matter how much time has passed, the last name had shot a pang through her heart and left her wondering about his, as well as the others’ well-beings.

“Keith would never let you do this…” He said in a condescending tone. She could tell her was pointing his finger at her and she doesn’t know why, exactly.

Lana had wanted to snap back, “How do you know that?! You don’t even know him!”. Lotor only knew Keith as an enemy from whatever intel he received from his spies. But even so, he was right and she knew it. That made her draw her finger back, her face twisting to one of conflict.

“There. Do we need more proof on where this one’s allegiance lies?” A screen showing the sigil of the Black Knights of Britannia.

Although the voice is distorted and disguised, she can tell whose voice that belongs to. Judging by the tone and accent, it’s safe to assume that it belonged to one of her (former?) comrades, now reduced to colleagues, and currently her greatest and most outspoken critic, Lelouch vi Britannia. He had never trusted her, and became even more suspicious of her once finding out that she worked with the enemy.

“Species… indicative.” Only two words were spoken but she can tell that belonged to either L-elf or A-Drei Karlstein of Dorssia. They may not have interacted much, but Lana can guess that he’s in neutral standing to her.

“This human not a Galactic Level operative, no?” That one, she could not tell, but he did not seem to be a high ranking observer as the screen only showed the symbol of the Alliance. She wondered who brought him, or her, here?

“There are no human Galactic Level operatives.” Again, an unfamiliar voice.

Another screen pops out showing older sister Veronica. Which made Lana wince as she could see her perfectly and clearly in all her royal Magius glory. “Ah actually that’s not true. There was- wait.” It was only then she had noticed that she was the only one being fully broadcasted with no filter.

“Oh I could never figure out these privacy features on these planetary conference calls.” Lana bit her lower lip to hold back her laughter. Her powerful older sister, a member of the one of the greatest beings in the universe, especially the royal family, royally screwing up and making herself looking like a goofball. Just like her.

“Gah! And now my video call filter isn’t working!” Veronica exclaimed. “Who was running the tech department while I was on Earth? Agent Moron?!” She threw her hands up in the air for extra dramatic effect.

“Who you calling moron?! You’ve been on Earth for so long you reek of the infection!” Ah, so it was Lelouch who was in charge while me and Veronica were… doing other things. Lana thought as Veronica just crossed her arms and glared at him all the while Lelouch yelled at her. Then he added, “Just like that one.” Lana knew that while she couldn’t see him, he was pointing at her accusingly, his face twisted to a scowl.

It was partially true. Lana and Veronica, who got into this whole Alliance business not more than 5 years (actually 2 for Lana since 3 years passed during the time she was in the Quintessence field in Season 6 Episode 6) ago after discovering their true heritage as members of the Royal Family of the Magius. But they were only two among the thousands of children their father, the king of the Magius, have.

It was then that the entire room was suddenly lighted up with multiple screens from multiple of the Alliance’s divisions and members and even more randomly lower ranked members. So many voices talking all at once, chattering on about gibberish nonsense that Lana could not catch on.

But they all fell silent once they heard that one voice… the distorted, but very much obviously White Diamond’s, authorative, and loud voice that made her sound so powerful, almighty… and big. All three of which she was.

“Please members of the Alliance…” she spoke in a soft tone. No visual screen, her voice boomed throughout the entire room, “The decision does not come lightly… the decision is…” she trailed off.

That last line sounded so… off to Lana. It was like White Diamond had snoozed off. She sounded so… like in a tone that made her seem far away.

She always struck Lana as somewhat of an anomaly. Odd, strange, Lana has no definite read on White. She was calm, soft-spoken, warm, and she almost seemed kind and motherly, but her mother Blue said she had quite a temper. Her Pearl reflected on what kind of “owner” White can be. Lana was glad she was not on White’s bad side. …yet?

“Don’t do it Lana! None of them deserve this! This isn’t what Voltron stood for!” Lana had almost forgotten about Lotor. He had been so quiet when Lelouch first came to interrupt them. She imagined he just sat there, in obedient silence as the Alliance just said what they said.

Voltron… it was where Lana had allied herself before siding herself to the Alliance, and by extension, to the Valvraves. Her thoughts drifted to her fellow Valvrave pilots and teammates, Ignis, Gladio, Prompto… Noctis… all the good times they shared… she had just like she had with Voltron… before White’s loud booming distorted voice interrupted her reminiscing.

“The decision… is Lana McClain’s…” White Diamond has slowly said. Her tone changed into one of warning. Mother Blue had told her that this means that White is slowly about to be set off. White was getting impatient. Lana knew she had to make a choice right now, and she had to pick the choice that would definitely please White.

A tear rolls down Lana’s cheek as she makes a determined stance, her decision now made and she now fully stands by it. There’s no going back… But Lana never planned on going back.

“For the Alliance!” she almost choked at her words, “Blitzendegen!”

With no further hesitation, she presses her finger down to the button.

As the screens around her shut off, and the large room is now suddenly dark again, Lana can only imagine hearing her beloved Keith’s voice…

“Lana McClain… what have you done?”

Haha! I somehow ended up imagining my own little Kingdom Hearts/Marvel Cinematic Universe crossover universe.

Another intro of the beginning, made by the talented lunadiane: http://shiranai-atsune.tumblr.com/post/179161320757/this-is-universekiddies-lunadiane-is-my-main

[livinthechoiceslife]

Dream [Favourite AU one-shot]

Important note: I finished this one-shot three days ago, and I had no idea we’d have read the ES2 finale by the time I publish this. Given the very key points about the idols revealed in the Epilogue, kindly ignore whatever you learned in the latest chapter when you read this piece.

For Jake Appreciation Week Day 6: Favourite AU

Tagging: @jakeymckenzie and @jakemcspooky

Pairing: Jake x Female!MC

Rating: Teen

Disclaimer: All characters mentioned belong to Pixelberry. Pic credit here.

Summary: How about flashback/flash-forward scenes that don’t make us weep?

Author’s Note:

Just going to set the AU scene here -

Rourke is dead, MASADA has been destroyed, the world is saved, help is on its way, and the 12 students and Varryn survived.  

Contrary to what Jake keeps insisting, he has had a few friendly interactions back in Costa Rica. He is not incredibly close with them, but he still shares an affable friendship with a select few.

We are back at the Elyys’tell.

After everything that went down back at the MASADA, including Rourke and Lundgren’s death, and setting the time back to before Mount Atropo erupted, I’m still not sure how we are all alive.

But why question things when they are going well, for once?

So I trudge on towards the Throne Room, where I am to return the 12 idols I managed to collect over the past few weeks – they were never mine, and it only makes sense that I return them to where they truly belong.

I begin to take the idols out of my bag one by one, deciding to hand over these myself. Most of my friends were tired, some even hurt, and they were all recuperating with the help of a group of healer Vaantis. Craig and Raj had headed straight to Seraxa’s hut when they were back, where they proceeded to have a feast, and they still haven’t stopped eating. Deciding that I wouldn’t be able to do anything till I return the idols, I ended up here in the Throne Room with Uqzhaal.

I am gathering the idols and giving them a wipe before handing them over to Uqzhaal, when I hear Jake’s voice from behind me.

“Heya, Princess,” he greets me, and nods over at Uqzhaal before kissing the top of my head. I smile and turn to him.

His arm is bandaged in bright-coloured leaves, the same ones that have been pasted over the cuts on his forehead and cheek. I gently trace the leaf on his cheek sadly, and Jake catches my hand.

“I’m alright, Princess. Really,” he assures me, and I give him a small smile.

“How are the rest?” I ask as I continue wiping the idols. Jake plops down on the ground in front of me.

“They’ve been in a better shape, definitely. But they’re resting well. Even Varryn, who was twitching restlessly till Pop Culture Petey sat next to his cot,” Jake says, and my smile widens.

“That’s nice to hear,” I quietly say. “What do you think awaits us back home?” I add after some time, and Jake gives me a rueful smile.

“I don’t know, Princess. We can only hope for the best,” he says, and holds his hand out to me. I slip mine into his, squeezing it gently. I am terrified of Jake’s fate, of Diego’s inevitable heartbreak, and of exactly what we will be returning to back home. We did tamper with time to save the world…what if we had damaged something substantial in that process?

“We will worry about that later, aight? Let’s focus on now,” came Jake’s soft voice, and I nod my head.

“Let’s focus on now. We do need to get to Celestial before dawn, anyway – the rescue team will be there by then,” I say and quicken my pace of work.

“Let me help you,” he says, and insists to do so even after I tell him not to. I hand him the clean idol, and he hands it over to Uqzhaal, who is at the far corner where he’s clearing the space meant for the idols. At the back of my mind, I remember the flash of memories of each of my friends, and wonder if it’ll happen again.

No…everything’s over, now. Surely, I won’t be able to feel anything anymore. Not after the way Rourke had messed with the power of the idols, I think to myself.

Yet, as I pass the wolf idol to Jake, a sense of dread rises within me. I open my mouth to tell him not to touch it, but it’s too late. His fingers brush against mine on the idol, and I feel myself hurtling through space and time all over again.

I am staring right at Jake when I adjust to the blinding white light. Wearing a black jacket and a grey t-shirt and a pair of casual jeans, I almost don’t recognise him without his green jacket as he saunters past. Turning around, I find that I am standing before a rustic-looking beach bar. There was barely any soul there, and a quick glance at the wall clock on the wall behind the bar tells me why: it’s almost three in the morning.

“We’re closing in a bit, pretty boy,” sighs the barmaid. She looks almost ethereal, her bronze skin glowing in the moonlight and her bright red hair thick and curly, pulled up in a messy bun.

“Oh come on, Merida. Can’t a regular get a little drunk before you close shop for the night? I had a late flight,” Jake says, giving her his trademark smirk.

The woman seems to hesitate, before relenting. “It’s Dayna. And you’re incorrigible. The usual?” Dayna asks, whipping out a bottle of whiskey.

“What else?” comes Jake’s reply as he starts munching on the nuts from the bowl that’s almost empty.

40 minutes and six glasses of whiskey later, Jake and Dayna are walking back home together. Jake, ever the gentleman, decided that he’d walk Dayna back, even though he seems a little drunk. At this point, I think Dayna is just amusing him by letting him ‘walk her home’.

“In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t –hic – have drunk tonight. Gotta fly a bunch’a kids over to that weird island in –hic – a few hours,” Jake admits.

“You better drink a shit ton of water before you snooze, pretty boy. Don’t kill yourself and a bunch of young ones,” Dayna sighs, and something tells me this isn’t the first time she’s dishing out this advice to the pilot.

“Nah. I’m the best damn pilot there is in the whole of Costa Rica. And if I get too sleepy, well, there’s always auto-pilot,” he grins, and Dayna chuckles.

They finally stop in front of a modest cottage – a simple yet charming house with a small front yard, sunflowers and daisies lining the brown picket fence. Even in the darkness, the snug, intimate and warm allure of the cottage was almost palpable.

“Wanna come in? Have a cup of tea to sober you up a little?” Dayna asks as she unlocks the door, and Jake shrugs before following her in. He settles down on a bar stool in the small, quaint kitchen, hand propping his exhausted face. Dayna sets the tea kettle on the stove. He looks around the cottage with mild interest, and I assume this is the first time he’s here. The inside of the cottage is as small as one would expect it to be, but it is lined with little trinkets and endless photographs. Most of them have Dayna and a really attractive brown woman. Some others have Dayna with, who I assume to be, her parents. And a few others have both Dayna and the other woman, with a bunch of people their age. The house, no matter its size, radiates with such strong sense of intimacy and comfort.

After a few moments of silence, Jake’s slightly slurred but still audible voice rings through the quiet cottage.

“You have a beautiful home,” he says, and then adds, “Where’s Larissa?”

“Thank you. And she’s at her parents’, probably be back by tomorrow evening. Her niece’s graduation was today,” Dayna smiles.

“That’s…nice.” His eyes are trained on the many photographs on the walls, looking at them almost…wistfully.

Dayna places a cup of steaming tea before Jake, and sits opposite him.

“That’s an awfully short comment coming from you,” she notes.

Jake turns to her, shaking his head with a smile as he sips the tea. His eyebrows are furrowed in deep thoughts, and Dayna seems notice this.

“Are you going to have your very first episode of drunk-crying before me?” she jokes, and Jake almost chokes on his tea.

“Geez, woman. You’ll never let me live that down. I just…” he trails off.

Dayna stays silent, waiting for him.

Jake lets out a frustrated sigh. “It’s this whole…family thing you and Larissa have, y’know? This…love. And companionship. And warmth. It’s just…sickening,” he says. Dayna raises an eyebrow.

“Sickening?” she repeats.

“Yes, sickening.”

A few seconds of silence later: “And it wouldn’t hurt to have that someday.”

He practically mumbles the bit, but Dayna seems to catch it. She smiles.

“What makes you think you wouldn’t?” she asks him, and Jake snorts.

“I’ll be in one place today, and a completely different one tomorrow,” he answers her.

“You’ve been here for quite a while, haven’t you? Ever since Larissa and I moved to the town six months ago. You seem to like it here well enough, even if you don’t talk to anyone else much – why must you move again?” she asks again.

Jake opens his mouth, and then catches himself, his eyes shining; as if realising he was about to say something he shouldn’t say, he clears his throat. And then he shakes his head.

“Ah, forget it. This whole family…love…thing, it’s not for me. I prefer being the way I am,” he shrugs, and finishes his tea. “This whole sentimental thing - it’s all just a weird dream that exists on a completely different plane of existence.”

Dayna looks at him quietly for a long while, and then sighs.

“You can stay the same, love. Of course you can,” she tells him, grabbing his mug and placing it in the sink. “But don’t write all your wishes off as a ‘weird dream’ just because you don’t see it happening yet. You never know when life will take a complete turn,” she finishes.

Jake only grins as he stands up. “Funny how I just know that’s pretty impossible for me,” he insists, and grabs his jacket.

“Well, thanks for the tea. I’m going to be sleepy, but at least I’ll be sober enough for the take-off tomorrow. And thank you for digging this intimate conversation out of me – you’re lucky I was drunk,” he points out, and Dayna rolls her eyes.

“Alright, macho. Get out of here. And get home safely.”

Chuckling, Jake walks to the door, and leans in to kiss her cheek. “Send my love to Larissa. And don’tcha dare get outta meeting your girlfriend’s parents the next time round, Sansa Stark,” he says.

“Ugh, get lost,” Dayna grumbles with a smile, and Jake walks away. Right at the gate, he turns around to gaze longingly at the cottage one more time.

“As if,” he finally scoffs, and strolls away.

And then I was pulled forth, tugged into an unknown space. It takes a longer time than it usually would, but the blinding light finally clears.

I was staring at an elegant and simple white house, with a spacious front yard and white picket fence lining the plot. It must be fall: there are dry leaves peppering the yellow patches of grass and a couple of pumpkins at the either ends of the gate.

I walk towards the gate, and realise that something’s…different. I look down, and see myself carrying a bag of groceries, and spot a distinct baby bump.

I look back up and the gate swings open as a child, looking to be about three or four years of age, runs up to me and wraps his tiny arms around my knees. Behind him, a Dalmatian bounds up to me, greeting me with soft barks.

“Mommy’s back! Did you get my candy bar, Mommy? Did you? Did you?” he asks as he jumps on the spot, and I find myself laughing.

“Yes, I did. But you can only have it after lunch,” I say, and the kid pouts. It takes him just a split second, though, to smile again.

“Well, okay, as long as I get to eat it,” he cheerfully says and runs off again. “Daddy, Mommy’s back! And she got the candy!” he yells.

The front door swings open as I walk toward it, and out walks Jake. His long hair wet and his green t-shirt fitting him snugly, he jogs down the few steps to rush to me.

“There’s my favourite lady in the whole wide world. You could’ve waited for me, I would’ve gotten the groceries,” he says as he takes the bag of groceries from me and gives me a soft kiss on my lips.

“Well, I distinctly remember Sleepy Sleeperson grumbling that ‘the plane’s safe on auto-pilot, so just piss off now’ – how could I ever think of waking you up from that deep of a slumber?” I ask with an eyebrow raised. Jake grimaces.

“Aw, honey. We’ve got to work on your nicknames.”

He ducks in time to miss my smack to his head, and darts away from me. “Stay here and keep an eye on Michael, I’ll be back in a bit,” he says. I shake my head before making my way to the small wooden porch swing (looks to be handmade), and sit on it with a tired sigh. Michael is running around the porch kicking a small football, attempting to play soccer with the dog and failing terribly. A ginger cat purrs and leaps onto the space next to me. It feels so peaceful and cosy.

It feels like home.

A few minutes later, Jake returns with two steaming mugs of tea. He gently moves the cat to the ground before taking a seat next to me and passes me a cup.

“Mmm, Earl Grey,” I whisper in content as I take a sip.

Jake smiles and kisses my cheek softly. We stay quiet for a long while, before I turn to him, only to realise that he is looking at me intently.

“Jake?” I call to him, and he says nothing. He only tugs a strand of my dark curl behind my ear.

“You look like a dream, Princess. Like a dream that came true,” he whispers. I’d have snorted at the corny line, but he doesn’t seem to look like he is joking. In fact, his eyes are shining, almost as if brimming with tears. I smile and run my fingers through his hair.

“Well then, isn’t Aragorn quite the lucky man that this dream came true?” I say instead, and Jake’s face brightens with a smile.

“Yes, well, this dream also yells at me all the time when she’s pregnant, and scares me to death,” he says as he places his mug on the patio table; the moment is over. I roll my eyes.

“Then stop doing things that infuriate me, it’s that simple,” I quip back.

Jake chuckles. “Still doesn’t erase the fact that you scare me. Besides…” he trails off. He gets down on his knees in front of me, gently kissing my rather obvious baby bump.

“…if you keep yelling at me, my princess in here will be disturbed. And I cannot have that,” Jake murmurs, resting his cheek against my belly and closing his eyes.

I let him have his peace for about five seconds, and then I tap his head gently. He looks up at me, his chin now resting against my bump.

“I thought I was your princess?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

Saying nothing, Jake grins and kisses his way up, before finally kissing my lips softly. “Love, you are not just my princess; you are my queen,” he whispers against my lips, and even though I really don’t want to, I seem to be smiling again.

“…Cheesy cheeseball,” I mumble under my breath, and Jake throws his head back in laughter.

“But you ain’t complaining,” he points out, and kissed me on the lips once again, and then pecked my nose.

“Daddy, stop! You’re gunna give Mommy the cooties,” comes a voice from behind Jake, and we look up. Michael stands there with his muddy football, making a face. I begin to giggle.

“Well…now that I am done giving Mommy the cooties…” Jake trails off, turning his attention completely to the boy. He takes one deliberate step forward, and Michael shrieks in glee before taking off, out into the front yard again. Jake follows close behind, growling of how he is going to get him. The dog is right behind them, deciding to join the chase.  

Laughing, I stay seated as my eyes follow them both, with the cat now taking up residence on my lap.

In a flash, I was back in the Elyys’tell, the idol now in Jake’s hand, his concerned eyes on me.

“Princess? What is it?” he asks quietly, and I snap out of it.

“What?” I ask him.

“You just grinned suddenly. Out of nowhere,” he says, held his palm out against my forehead as if checking my temperature. Only then do I realise I am still grinning. My cheeks are hurting.

“Nothing,” I breathe out, my voice light and airy.

“…Princess?”

I laugh out loud, unable to hold back the deep, deep joy my heart is bursting with at having witnessed the scene I just did.

“What? I’m happy!” I assure him, and lean in to give him a long kiss.

“Well, now I’m happy,” Jake drawls, pulling me close.

Still smiling like an absolute idiot, I forget all about the idols, the Vaantis, and our friends for just a moment, as I snuggle into him, my head against his chest.

“Oh, you are going to be happy. For a long, long time,” I promise him

And, well, what do you know? Eleven years later, my little ‘vision’ came true.

A/N: I love the idea of Jake and MC travelling the world together and having adventures of their own, but I also headcanon that after years of travelling, they’ll finally decide to settle down at a quiet town and have a family – a different sort of adventure, y’know? I hope this made sense. I feel like I say this after every fic of mine, but the brain-to-doc transition never goes smoothly and I end up questioning myself.

[meldusa0123]

The Last Jedi - A Second Take

I just went and saw TLJ for a second time tonight, and I’m glad I did.

I’ll open with a bit of back story and warn when the spoilers come...

I saw the movie the first time the Saturday after the release - in keeping with tradition with my teen son.  We’ve seen all the new ones the first time together and I truly hope this tradition continues.  I’ve been a fan since my first movie-theater film was Return of the Jedi when I was 5.  My dad took me and we watched all the episodes together whenever they came on TV throughout my childhood.

So, nearly a week after the official release of TLJ, my son is in a super teeny mood so I joke about going to see it again to cheer him up - something about how he’s acting like Emo Ren again...  Dad and little sister agree!  Win!

The first time I saw this film, I did go into it with certain expectations - too many - and few of them were met.  I set myself up for disappointment, I think.  I’m what my son would call an “OG” - Original Generation fan, I was there when they released the Films We Do Not Talk About, so I am SUPER critical of these new films.  I had no trouble liking The Force Awakens or Rogue One - I loved the new characters and the re-introduction to the old (I did read several previously-canon books, so I knew what we had lost when those were removed from the story, as it were).  I understand they can’t be the Leia, Han and Luke we grew up with - they’re freaking 70+ years old! And they hadn’t been these characters in 30+ years... I mean, give them a break!

I didn’t mind the echos back to the original releases... it was nostalgic for me.

So, now to my thoughts of TLJ.

WARNING - SPOILERS AHEAD!  READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

1. After all the build up and predictions and contemplation of what Luke would do when Rey handed him his lightsaber, I think his reaction is perfect.  No words he would have spoken would have worked there.  We would have picked it apart and some would have given up right then and there.

2. Ben Shapiro mentioned the gravity issue with the bombers.  I was having to suspend my disbelief for the fact that the open bay doors didn’t cause asphyxiation for the pilot down there.  But if the ship is creating gravity WITHOUT the spinning that creates centrifugal force, then perhaps the larger ship creates its own gravitation pull to smaller ships and objects.  I suppose there could be an atmosphere of some kind that the bomber ship could have pressurized to as well....

3. I didn’t buy the force connection with Rey and Kylo at first.  When Snoke revealed he caused it, I could accept it a little easier.  Upon the second viewing, I was digging it.  Their connection does make sense, but what about the connection at the end of the film, after Snoke is supposedly dead?

4. Finn and Rose.  Many think this adventure was a complete waste of time.  I could see that, too - at first.  But I also remember that the first time I watched Star Wars with my younger daughter, I explained to her that in some movies, there are 2 or 3 stories happening at once.  She later pointed out to me that in most Star Wars movies, there are 3 stories happening simultaneously.  She looks for this in all movies now and tells me when she sees it.  This adventure with Finn and Rose is that 3rd story.

5. Finn and Rose.  The romance here was not where I thought we were going to go.  I was sure that Rey and Finn were venturing down a road BUT, consider the following: A) There’s always a romance building somewhere in Star Wars movies (a.k.a. Fairy Tales), B) There was going to be the set up for Poe and Rey to meet and maybe... C) The code breaker is now set up to take Lando’s place

6. Purple Hair’s place.  Why didn’t Laura Dern’s character just tell Poe what she was doing?  Because she doesn’t know Poe and doesn’t have to trust him.  He was just demoted and isn’t in the inner circle.  Granted, she could have saved them all a lot of trouble, but then we wouldn’t have had another hour to watch *sarcasm

7. Echoes.  The echoes to Return really bothered me in this movie, but I get it.  Kylo taking Rey up to Snoke’s throne room was pretty predictable and I wasn’t a fan.  I do love how Kylo took out Snoke and I didn’t thing it was a cheap trick.  I just wish we knew more about Snoke, like most fans.  Showing Rey the rebel fleet in the viewer was predictable as well, I mean really?  But their battle in the throne room after Snoke is dead was AWESOME.  Kylo’s response afterward was the MOST disappointing thing in the film.

8. Kylo’s whiny butt.  Why?  Why couldn’t he have joined Rey?  Seeing it again though, Rey does say ‘Ben, don’t do this’, like she, too can’t believe those words are in the script.  Path of least resistance, DUDE.

9. The two suns.  Shortly after we first meet Luke and he’s dreaming of adventure while still on Tatooine, he watches the two suns set.  When we lose Luke, he sees two suns rising on a planet that is the complete opposite of the desert planet he grew up on.  I thought - if you lived on just one binary solar planet, how often might you see the suns rise OR set together?  It may be a rare occurrence like our own solar eclipses.  But to see one set of suns set together and a whole other set of suns rise together is probably significant.  Or maybe not, but I think the look on Luke’s face at the end tells us he might not have seen this before or did he just not think much of it the other times he saw it?  (I’d like to see if someone has done some kind of calculations of the probability of this happening...)

Okay - that’s all I can pound out on the keyboard tonight, though I know I have more to say. Not that anyone will read this or care, but I feel better!!

Time to snooze.  After all - It’s only 4 days until CHRISTMAS!!

[gleereviewpodcast]

Marie’s Lists

So I needed to leave the Rachel podcast early, and therefore I didn’t get to give you guys my lists! Therefore, I’m going to post them here for anyone interested. Under the cut. 

What are your 15 (Ranked or Unranked) Worse Songs ?

All of mine are unranked BTW

Smile (the Lily Allen one): I felt like Lea was putting on a weird accent during this one. Maybe it was just the production? Regardless, this was a weird one to me.

Next to Me: We’ve covered it before, but this song was absolutely wrong for Lea’s voice. And Idina’s. It hurts me to say, but true. Should’ve been a Naya/Amber duet. 

A Change Would Do You Good: Ok, first of all, I’m just not a fan of the song. Second, even though I’m not nearly anti-Brody’s voice as Emily, it is pretty clear on this one that he’s not nearly as good as Lea. Not her fault, but still don’t like it.

All That Jazz: Glee can’t do Chicago justice. Watch the movie, people, and you will feel my pain.

A Thousand Miles: Samchel must die. 

Time After Time: STOP RUINING SONGS I LIKE SAMCHEL!

The Way You Look Tonight/You’re Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile: The Way You Look Tonight is a genuinely fantastic standard Frank Sinatra song I adore. If I ever get married, you can bet it’ll be at my wedding. This mash-up RUINED the song for me. I’m not a huge Annie fan, but it ruined this song too. If they had just picked one, I would’ve been good with it. 

Firework: Lea Michele is too good to sing Katy Perry.

Big Girls Don’t Cry: I have never liked this song. I think she sounded better on it than Kurt or Blaine, but this song must die. It’s so annoying.

My Man: Sorry Emily and David. I snooze through it.

Who Are You Now: Why the everloving fuck is Sue singing on this?

Break Free: You guys know, Arianna Grande annoys the crap out of me. And I don’t think this is Lea’s style. 

I’ll Never Fall in Love Again: Yup, the other Samchel song, is also awful.

Barracuda: We all agree on this one. I actually like the original, but whereas they can sometimes give Lea rock songs and I end up loving them (see Creep), this one did not work for me at all. Maybe if they were more creative with the arangement, I could’ve dug it, but this was a miss for me.

I’m the Greatest Star: I just hate this song. 

Which is the worst of them? If we’re talking Lea on it, for me it’s Next to Me. If we’re talking in general, A Thousand Miles. If I could get a Lea only version of it though, that would’ve been ok. I think a lot of my hate is also thinking of the plot around it which makes me want to gag and vomit and die. 

What are your 15 (Ranked or Unranked) Best Songs ?

Don’t Rain On My Parade:  This was Rachel’s hail-Mary moment and if Make You Feel My Love didn’t exist, this would be my favorite Rachel solo. She comes out there with great power in her voice, and makes this song her bitch. I love it. 

O Holy Night: Ok, as much as I hate her winning Winter Showcase with no competition, I have to admit, this is gorgeous. And I hate Christmas music, and the religious songs especially normally do nothing for me. In terms of showing off her vocal power, this song is one of the best for showing it. Claps for this one.

Make You Feel My Love: I sob and cry every time I hear it. It’s another one where she just sounds lovely. 

I Feel Pretty/Unpretty: I basically get a vocal orgasm when I hear them sing on this together. It’s beautiful. I still listen to this one a lot. 

This Time: The only song in Dreams Come True I liked! It’s a little cheesey, but as far as original songs go, it’s one of the few that’s pretty good. And I just think Lea sounded good on it, and as a song, it was a good one to wrap up Rachel. 

Rolling in the Deep: the arrangement and her singing with Jon Groff does things to me. 

Mama Mia: Is this an odd choice? Maybe. But if I don’t dance and sing to it loudly (let’s be real I shout to it) I’ll be damned. 

Poker Face: Because I’m a sucker for different arrangements and Idina Menzel.

Listen to Your Heart: Ok, my embarrassing backstory for this song. When I was a young high schooler, I lacked gaydar. I had a crush on a guy who was so gay. He did come out to me as bisexual, and he had a boyfriend, but I had deluded myself into thinking he’d dump his BF and fall in love with me. I’d cry to this song about how i should tell him my feelings (I did eventually and it was awkward as hell). So I like the song in general for that reason. As far as in the show, it reminds me of the giddiness I felt when she got a relationship that didn’t suck.

Hello 12, Hello 13, Hello Love: Gah, more Jon/Leagasming.

The Rose: I actually found this song beautiful. It will show up later in a bad way, but here, it’s in a good way. I think the reason it shows up later in a bad way is because it made me sad because I felt like it would’ve been a good song about her relationship with Finn and it was a shitty audition number.

Defying Gravity: Wicked is magical. 

To Love You More: So I know Emily isn’t a fan. I think it sounds pretty.

Brave: This is mostly because I needed a Pezberry number. Gosh, they sound sexy together. 

Faithfully: Now it’s sad. 

Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart: I just love the original and it’s cute. 

Yesterday: It’s a different arrangement I love. And it makes me sad too. And Yesterday is one of my favorite Beatles’s songs of all time.

What are your 5 (Ranked or Unranked) Worse Performances ?

My Man (Plus every time she’s boring on a stage): This is more of a type of song that she did. . .a lot. She would sing emotionally on a stage, maybe making some faces, but otherwise just walking around and being boring. I obviously don’t expect crazy dancing during this, but just something not boring.

A Thousand Miles: It looked tacky and green screened. It also was my worst nightmare in that it lead to one of the most utterly disgusting moments Glee has ever given me of Sam and Rachel kissing. Ugh.  

The Rose: This is actually a fantastic song, and I recommend you guys looking up the lyrics if you haven’t. This could’ve been an incredibly meaningful song for Rachel. INSTEAD, it was her auditioning for the stupid TV show (ugh) in a goofy way. Ugh.

I’m the Greatest Star: It felt underwhelming after all the build-up to Rachel on Broadway. Also, again, I’m spoiled by Tatiana Maslany. It felt like Lea being over-the-top instead of Rachel playing a character.

It’s All Coming Back to Me: 100% context on this one. Rachel shouldn’t have gotten into NYADA because of this.

What are your 5 (Ranked or Unranked) Best Performances ?

Make you feel my love: Self-explanitory

DROMP: Lea Michele commanded that stage.

Hello 12: The Jon/Lea chemistry was amazing.

Don’t You Want Me Baby: She’s wearing an absurd outfit and drunk and flirting with Blaine. It’s great.

Run Joey Run: This was just hilarious.

Worst 5 Episodes of the series ?

Props: I don’t think I need to go into this one.

Untitled Rachel Berry Project: At this point, we’re meant to be happy she goes to this awful TV show. Nope.

Frenemies: You guys know how I feel about her towards Santana here

Back-Up Plan: My dreams came true! Now I don’t care about it, one month later! Let me abandon everything, right now.

Trio: Just more of the awfulness with her and Santana. And I felt bad for Kurt and Elliot for getting dragged into it all.

Best 5 Episodes of the series ?

Quarterback: Not going to lie, this is all Lea for me. I cry.

Loser Like Me: This was basically Rachel’s redemption for me.

The Break-Up: Her break-up scene with Finn still stands out to me as one of Lea’s better dramatic acting scenes.

Pilot: This was a great set-up, for what should’ve been dealt with more in the show, about her insecurities.

Theatricality: She handles the Shelby stuff very maturely, and I do feel bad for her in this one.

[archerlmxq623-blog]

A Guide To Handling Sleep Apnea

If you ever get up in the early morning sensation more tired than ever, you are not the only one. When statistics reveal that almost 2 out of 3 Americans suffer sleep conditions like sleeping disorders, sleep apnea, and many more - sleep apnea machinesone can just make a wild guess. The reality is that individuals are getting bad sleep each night and it can really take a toll on one's every day life. So, you have actually seen a sleep doctor, bewared your diet plan, worked out, and skipped bad foods. and yet, absolutely nothing appears to work?

Dr. Oz: Discover Your Sleep Type To Reduce Weight, Avoid Disease

Later in my battle with sleeping disorders and I had almost ran out of choices of over-the-counter medication and my Sleep Doctor no longer wished to recommend me any, I chose to try some other methods to treat sleeping disorders.

As your baby gets older, the everyday afternoon nap time will lower, with your child taking a snooze for http://jutounet.com/typhandz9c/post-common-sleep-apnea-153745.html an hour or two. Most of the sleep is focused during the night. Put your baby to bed by 7 p.m. and guarantee he does not wake till 8 a.m.

Yu Yu Hakusho Episode 74: Sleep, Medical Professional, Sleep

The most typical factor a baby will not sleep, is that they don't know how. They can drop off to sleep on us, in the car, with a soother, being rocked, etc. but can not stay asleep without our assistance. With the very best of intentions we have actually created a scenario in which it is beside difficult for our infant to sleep through the night. They need us to re-create the conditions under which they at first fell asleep and they are not able to relieve themselves. It's not crucial to beat ourselves up over why we let this happen, however to begin discovering about why we need to produce good Sleep consultant practices.

Normally, if you are under a lot of tension, you tend to forget to consume meals and drink a lot of water. The majority of your attention is into something else. And considering that tension can lower your immunity, it is easy for infections to grow in your body.

Give Everybody A Good Sleep: How To Deal With Snoring Problems

There are numerous CDs available in the market, which teach you how to treat a variety of numerous medical issues with the help of hypnosis. For instance, there will be a few that will teach how to treat weight-loss, while others are for Sleep Therapy and some others on how to give up smoking with the assistance of hypnosis and other similar concerns. Depending upon your choice, you can buy one.

Anxiety Depression And Sleep

The body uses sleep as a way to restore cells and revitalize the brain and overall help in the development of our body, mind, and health. During our sleep, the human body can regrow hair follicles, fingernails, toe nails and even the external covering of the skin. This occurs due to the fact that of the automatic pilot that is constructed into our bodies. People tend to believe that the body only needs to charge spent energy on the day's work however in fact the body works the regrowth cycle much faster when the brain does not manage much action.

[praphit]

Iron Fisted 2: The Immortal Snooze

Dag gon it! I've been iron fisted again!

Season 2 snuck up on us with barely any promotion. Marvel isn't even confident in this thing. I was actually all about season 1 - well, at least in the beginning. I remember that everybody was hatin on this series, but I wanted to give this man (Danny Rand aka Iron Fist) a chance. And for 8 of those 13 episodes I was in! But, you know, looking back on it I may have just been saying to myself "it wasn't THAT bad" at the end of each epi.

It was kinda like trying to be supportive of one of your siblings in something that they're clearly terrible at.

If you don't know the story of Iron Fist - think "Batman Begins". You know how Bruce Wayne ran off to train with ninjas. Here a rich white boy gets stranded with some kung fu fighting monks. The monks train him as their own, and in return he snatches the power of the Iron Fist ( a power that they pretty much worship and need to protect themselves) - He then abandons them (taking the power with him), and goes back home to be rich and white. And while being rich and white, he flashes around this particular Asian culture that he stole, and uses this new power of the FIST to beat up Asian gangs.

Well, I made it sound worse than it... well... it IS this, but...

...

... let's just move on.

I thought that season 1 was good until the last few epi's - which felt like they tied cement blocks to an already flimsy plot, and shoved those blocks off a cliff, and at the bottom of the cliff there was only pavement. As the plot hits the pavement in bloody splendor, the blood spells out the words "bleep you".

IRON FISTED, BABY!

Season 2 is in reverse. Most of this season is trash. You really only need to watch the last few epi's when it seems like they start having hope for this series again. BUT, though I say it's trash, even trash has hidden goodies in it. Have you ever been to the dumpster and seen a nice item?

- like a dresser or a lamp or a sweater? You think to yourself "If I can get those mystery stains out of that sweater, it'd look good on me." You want to do it, but you're afraid that someone will catch a pic of you shopping in filth and shame you online.

That's what we're going to do - look through this trash and find our nice sweater.

　

So, at the end of season 1, Iron Fist and his gf Colleen Wing enter IF's home (a secret, magical, kung fu place with monks, spells, and dragons). This seems like an awesome spot to start the next chapter right??

NOPE

Season 2 kicks off with IF and Colleen living together as boringly as possible in their apartment with little mention of their time in that interesting, magical place - this is not a plot hole, but a canyon!

On top of this, as I mentioned, is Danny's (IF) boringness. This here is his true super power; boring the audience to death. He actually makes other characters MORE boring; it's kinda amazing.

This is the plot - other characters trying to be interesting while Danny Rand weighs them down with his immense boringness:

Colleen (girlfriend who deserves better)- mysterious blood line, badass fighter, former member of a cult, and a knack for walking into crime. Seriously, every time she walks down the street a crime is committed in front of her. But, when she's in the room with Danny she becomes a nagging girlfriend character. BORING.

Ward ( like a brother to Danny). He's an asshole, but he's an asshole with flair. He's in rehab, but banging his sponsor. He's getting into drunken bar fights. He's buying guns off the streets. But, in Danny's presense, an overprotective brother/ insecure asshole. Bold asshole when alone, boring and insecure asshole when with Danny. SEEING THE PATTERN?

Joy - (like a sister to him)... to be fair, she is kinda boring on her own, BUT she's cute... cute and drunk. As soon as Danny shows up she gets shot - every time! Barely moving and in pain = boring.

Walker/Mary (one of the villains) - she is a badass who has been training to take down the Iron Fist, she also has D.I.D. Side note/plea: Hey writers! If you're going to write a character with a mental disorder, could you please write them so they are not defined by their disorder? And do they always have to be a villain? But, anyway, D.I.D. aside, an interesting character that we'd like to get to know. Around Danny she just wants to kill. The actress who plays her is excellent though.

Misty (from the Luke Cage series) - great chemistry with Colleen. I don't think she bothers much to talk to Danny - smart woman.

Then there's our main villain and Danny's brother from another - Davos.

Davos is a bit one note with always focusing on revenge, but once he finally gets it -whew! He became the Double Iron Fisted! He did things with that fist that Danny couldn't even dream of. It was at this point that I started rooting for Davos. Plus, once he gained this power, he wanted to clean up the streets - talk about a leader! Of course, he used his talents to go on a murderous rampage of gangs and a few innocents, but still.

In my mind, I totally changed the "Iron Fist" series. I had the pilot for whatever this new show of mine will be called, starting off with The Immortal Snooze vs The Amazing Double Fisted - Davos lands a punch on Danny, making IF's head explode - like BLAOW - like the goriest thing Marvel has ever done.

I want it in 3D! I want fake blood to shoot out intot eh theatres as it happens. I want four different angles simultaneously showing this display as The ADF ends the source of boredom in their city.

Then, Davos is a villain, but a villain that heroes call on from time to time.

I would also have Misty and Colleen have a buddy cop thing going on... and maybe a romantic relationship (their chemistry is just too good to waste). Or maybe it's one of those deals where the audience wants the relationship to happen, but they're too busy kickin ass; no time for love, just crime and comic relief.

Maybe it would just be their show, and they would call on The ADF every once and a while, but then he'd go back to killin for justice.

And there would be a soundtrack brought to you by Daft Punk and Drake; maybe they could even be in the series as Davos' sidekicks.

I've gone way down this rabbit hole - sorry, but you know my version would be a hell of a lot better. I keep waiting for Marvel to give me a call, but...

　

Instead we get 8 episodes of boredom with splashes of other characters (not named IF/Danny Rand) being interesting. And then, 2 episodes of good action and favorable plot developements.

Like Colleen now being the Iron Fist. BOOM!

And Danny Rand now being double fisted, but he uses his skills to shoot bullets. Idk how he went from chi and kung fu to gunslinging, but... idk people. I also don't know how something so sacred like the iron fist can simply be passed around like some good weed; seems like bad writing to me, but... you know what - I'm just gonna give this season its grade before it gets lower, as I continue to think about it.

Grade: D

Season 1 I gave an F, but with this season it seems like they've been listening to the fans complaints: the action was better, the dialogue though still kinda bad, was better and you can tell that they're trying. And even though I think the fist passing hands is stupid, they've passed the torch (kinda) to Colleen, who is Asian, which aides other issues (racially) that people had with this series.

And though I think as long as Danny Rand is around, boredom still lingers at every step, maybe they'll change that too if they get a season 3; it gives us chumps hope.

Speaking of anticipation, did y'all see the trailer for DD3? - that's what I'm talking about!

I'm hoping that the darkness within DareDevil leads him to end Danny Rand, and other annoying characters in these Marvel series'. It would be cool if all networks had a show within all shows, where a character hunts bad shows/characters down. Instead of the network cancelling the shows, this character would simply walk into their show and kill the characters off.

Another golden idea! Come on, Marvel! - where's my phone call?

[brotherhood-of-okay-reviews-blog]

Tv Blog

Chris' Tv Blog Timeless Episode 12: The Murder Of Jesse James As usual, if you're watching at home and want to comment below, please feel free to do so. Just give everyone a heads up if you're dropping spoilers. Thanks. Plot Summary Flynn heads back in time to visit Jesse James. Flynn saves Jesse James' life and asks him to help with a task. Jesse agrees and they head off. Meanwhile, the trio head off to find the Lone Ranger to help track down Jesse James and Flynn. Thoughts (Spoilers) This episode was a bit of a snooze until we got some new development. And this one is a doozy, let me tell ya what. For beginners, Wyatt goes and visits his wife's killer. Wyatt asks him if he did it and the killer says yes. Knowing this information, Wyatt obsesses over the idea of stopping bad people from hurting innocent individuals. This has been a running theme with Wyatt in the fact that he thinks the only way to do things right is to end lawless people's lives at hand. Wyatt kills without hesitation to protect the ones he loves. Which is fine but then the Lone Ranger comes and tries to give him a new perspective. One of the show's issues is that there is always a blatant moral in the dialogue. And it's always about the situation in front of them. For instance, the Lone Ranger tries to convince Wyatt that doing the right thing isn't easy and blah blah blah. I have nothing against teaching morals but this is one of the most embarrassing parts of the show because you start to ask the question, "Who's this show written for? Adults? Or teens?" I know it's a minor thing but it's one of the reasons I hold back on loving Timeless. Sometimes the dialogue is patronizing, or feels useless, because we know the overall moral. And it sucks because I sit back and predict what will be talked about eventually and it always happens in the middle of the show and so on. Timeless bothers me with its wasted time on things we know. The wasted time could be used to develop more of the product but instead we're getting the lesson of the day thrown at us, causing the show to be even more formulaic. You may ask, "Why don't you quit watching Timeless then?" And my answer is based upon two things. 1. I said at the beginning I was going to stick with this show to the end because I've never watched a week to week Tv show before. And 2, just when Timeless starts to lose me, it brings me right back in with little moments like this. There is another time traveler that Flynn finds in the middle of the woods. Yeah, now you're curious again, aren't ya? The time traveler in question is named Emma. She was the first pilot of the time machine and then she was presumed dead after a mishap on one of the missions. Now Emma is important to Flynn because she supposedly knows what Rittenhouse is going to do with the time machine. So she faked her death because she didn't want to be a part of it and she wanted Rittenhouse to leave her family and friends alone. This is such a great addition to the show. Because I was getting worried that Timeless was going to get into a stalemate with its episodes. The whole "Trio goes back in time, finds Flynn, gets captured, breaks free, foils Flynn's plan, goes back home" formula was getting old. We now have something to work with here. Now we don't know much about Emma. She and Flynn talked a little but there was nothing too significant about the conversation to pick up on. But that's fine with me. We, as viewers, have something to look forward too again. I have to bring this up but Rufus' girlfriend, Jiya, did something really stupid. To fill you in, Jiya is now being trained to pilot the time machine. After the outburst Rufus had with Rittenhouse, they've decided to go another route to hurt Rufus. Now what Jiya did that was stupid is she hacked a computer to pull up old training videos of the previous pilots so she can learn from their mistakes to help her. Mason, the over seer of the time machine operations, told her not too. So what makes this unintelligent is that not only did she hack the computer, she also watches the videos at the place she works, and she didn't account for any security measures that could alert Mason of what she was doing. It's a minor incident but it's mainly thrown in to give more mystery to Mason's character and to get Jiya to become hesitant in future actions learning the time machine controls. That's it. Just a cliche plot point that I'm complaining about. I have to ask myself, have I mentioned Mason? I really don't know if I did but here's a quick rundown. Mason is the main boss of the operation. He helped Rufus become the man he is today. And he is hiding many secrets from everybody. Or he might not be, we don't really know yet. I probably should have brought Mason up before but he was never really plot revelant till now. Yes, he did show up from time to time but it hasn't been until the last couple of episodes that he's shown up more. So take what you will from that. Lastly, Lucy killed Jesse James. Yeah, I'm dropping the bomb on you in the last few paragraphs. Unless you don't think it's a bomb, then, oops. Through everything we know Lucy isn't the type to kill a person. She wants to preserve history but she never wanted to change any of it. She didn't want to be a sole reason for a different outcome to occur. Well, now she's a part of the history books. We don't find out why she shot James though. That was never told but we get to speculate with this information. Throughout the episode, Lucy is distant because she's thinking about her sister. You know, the one she lost in the first episode because some time event changed? No? I'll come back to it in a second. But Lucy is off her game all throughout the duration of the show. There is a point where Wyatt, Lucy, and Rufus are talking and Wyatt says that he's going to shoot Jesse because he doesn't believe taking Jesse to jail will do any good. Rufus counters Wyatt throughout the discussion and Lucy is mainly quiet and listening to both sides. I shouldn't speculate, because I'm bad at it, but I'm guessing one of two things. One, she killed Jesse for Wyatt. She didn't want Wyatt to be taken in by the Lone Ranger so she did it herself. Or two, she's finally cracked up. Lucy wants to get her sister back and she'll do it by any means necessary. If it's theory number two, this might explain the diary page saying that she does join Flynn in the future. And this would be done so because they both would have the same aggressive motives now. They want to get back something they care about and the only way to do it is through Rittenhouse. Well, I should say it would explain a piece of it but I wouldn't be surprised that Rittenhouse had something to do with Lucy's sister not existing anymore. And finally, I mean it this time, Amy is Lucy's sister. Lucy lost her after the first episode concluded. How? Why? We don't know yet. But you can read more about my issues with the initial setup about Timeless in my first two blogs, Episode 1 and 2. Next Episode? (End Of Spoilers) The episode is named Karma Chameleon. Wyatt and Rufus head back to the 80's to stop Wyatt's wife's killer.... I think. It was actually a bit unclear if only those two go back or not. And before you get on me, Wyatt asked Rufus to help him steal the time machine at the end of last night's episode. I should've brought it up but it was in the promo so it's not really a spoiler. Overall The Murder Of Jesse James was a stalemate episode until you got to the juicy part of the show. Then it got interesting, back to boring, a good climax, and then to a decent outro. If I had to give it a score, I'd roll with a 7/10 (Satisfying). The episode was a bit of a bore but then we got a new development and things were good again. As usual, thanks for reading!