#but then get emotional when it comes to a singular person

[nerdy-frog98]

Okay I’ve had several days to think about it, and I’m not upset about Eddie’s cheating storyline anymore.

Nobody asked, but HERE’S why.

Eddie is an incredibly traumatized character. The military experiences (+ his dead friends), losing his wife so suddenly & without closure, and a couple near death experiences will do that to you! Add that to parents trying to take his child away ON TOP OF feeling like he needs to give Christopher a mother at any and all costs…? Maybe a little bit of Catholic guilt sprinkled in there too.

Season 5 was not my favorite for a myriad of reasons, but one thing I did like about it was Eddie’s complete mental breakdown. It felt like a long time coming... BUT. His mental breakdown didn’t even really scratch the surface of his issues, and there are still a lot of things he needs to face before he can truly be at peace. One of those things is Shannon.

The effect that Shannon’s loss had on Eddie has, in my opinion, never been explored properly. We got a little of it in season 3 with the illegal fighting, and then hints of it again when he was with Ana, but it never felt like closure to me. It felt like season 6 tried to give him closure (through Marisol), but it wasn’t satisfying because it was more or less a duller version of what happened with Ana. “Moving on” for his sake, but with no real emotional repercussions. Maybe this is just a personal opinion, but his story has felt like a ticking time bomb to me since the moment he broke up with Ana. His breakdown in s5 wasn’t the real bomb though.

Now imagine being Eddie, a guy with a lot of unresolved guilt and feelings for a woman who died right in front of him. Imagine you see a woman with that dead wife’s exact face. I can honestly say I have no fucking clue what I would do in his position. What he did- erasing Marisol in his first conversation with this lookalike Kim, then later lying to Buck to meet up with Kim- is morally not okay. Sure. Would any of us act in a rational way though?

I’m not meaning to justify cheating, but I do genuinely believe this is one of the only ways that stubborn ass was going to figure out his issues in a way that might actually help him move on. He’s being delusional with Kim, and once the ball drops, I believe there’s a great big breakdown waiting for him on the other end.

People often accuse Eddie of being the most boring of the 118, and I hate that assessment so goddamn much. Eddie is probably one of theee most complex characters (besides Buck) in the entire show. He’s self-destructive, kind, loyal, patient and impatient- he’s a good father and a good friend, and he’s FLAWED. That is why I love him so much.

My initial disappointment with him partially stems from me wanting him to have a singular season of PEACE, which…I realized wasn’t possible without blowing up the bomb first (would’ve preferred to disarm the bomb but I’ll take what I can get).

[your-local-hyperfixater]

im playing ac odyssey and how can Kass kill like a bunch of people without a second thought but is like 'nooo dont jump' to that one guy in Pephka. like imagine an ac game where its encouraged NOT to kill anyone bc the protag has morals. I think that would be so interesting. it would create a need for stealth too if its in another open world game like odyssey

[redwineandtarot]

your future spouse's first impression of you

hi! after a long time i am back with another reading❣️ i asked spirit using the term fs but you can use this for soulmates as well. please remember we have free will, i am just reading energies so take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. i would love to hear your feedbacks <3

🥀paid readings🥀

Disclaimer: My readings do NOT replace any professional advice. Use your own judgment while making decisions. You have your own free will. Take everything I say light-heartedly. All of my readings are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES.

pick a pile

piles 1-2-3

all pictures are from pinterest.

pile 1

They will think that you are a selfless person. And that you are always ready to help others. Or fight for your values. But in a subtle way. To them you have a calming aura. They will also see you as someone reserved, someone who prefers to keep to themselves and speak less. From the first impression, you are someone who is a bit passive. 

They will think that you have a rich inner self. However you seem to be avoiding it. I don't really know what exactly this is but your fs will be confused as to why you are avoiding this amazing part of you.

You have a mystic and wise energy to you. And to them you look like someone that trusts the universe (or whatever you believe in). You also seem mysterious to them. They will be intrigued by you and will want to know more about you. Maybe it's because you are somewhat different from them. Like they may be an atheist and you may be a pagan or you two may come from different cultures etc. This difference will spark their interest in you. Because to them, you bring a different outlook on life.

They will think that you know how to balance things and can see the different parts of a situation. They will think that you try to be fair.

I don't know how your person will see this but they will think that you accept change as it is and with peace. Maybe it's your calm demeanor that made them think this way.

They will see you as someone who takes a lot on their plate. Maybe you struggle with saying no and end up helping everyone even if it burdens you. Or it's just the way they see you.

Around the time you first meet them you may be very busy. Also you or them (or both) maybe in your 30s. And you may have a 2 year age gap for some of you.

your song: intro: singularity-bts

significant placements: libra, pluto, 3rd house aquarius, uranus, 12th house leo, south node, 4th house

thank you for reading ❤️

pile 2

They will see you as someone reliable and nurturing. You have an earthy vibe to you (also fiery), to them. You look like that friend who never leaves their friends alone in their hard times. 

They will think that you have a lot of potential in you. And already doing quite good in life. You move slowly while making decisions. You think before you act. However when you decide something you move swiftly and get what you want. You seem passionate to them. The line “I want it, I got it” from 7 rings-ariana grande is your line!

They will think that you are quite attracted to them, lmao. But they may think that you already have someone in your life. Again they make a lot of assumptions so you may have not said anything about this topic but still they just can't sit still lol. They think that you shine a lot so maybe that's why they assume you are not alone or at least people are chasing you. 

They will think that you have a lot to offer. Emotion and passion wise.

To them you are quite firm on your beliefs. For some of you they may see you have a debate with someone or you may have a debate with them in your first meeting. Or it's just something that will allow them to see your argumentative side. 🔞They will think that you are s3xy when you get all bossy(?) like that lol.

You seem like someone who is quite comfortable in their own skin. However they will see the hard work behind this confidence. Idk they will try to analyze a lot probably. Like try to see through you. You may have had to work hard to gain your confidence and maybe you were self conscious/had a low self esteem but worked hard and became who you are today. Again this is in their eyes.

Some of you here could have brownish-reddish hair here. Or will have that color when you meet your fs.

you got two songs: better by myself- hey violet, to me-alina baraz

significant placements: saturn, 2nd house, cancer south node, 7th house, leo south node, 11th house, libra

thank you for reading ❤️

pile 3

First of all, you may have a purple aura. I know this is a bit off topic but it came through.

You may have a darker aesthetic or may prefer darker colors on your clothes around the time you meet your fs. And they notice this. They may notice your legs and think that they are beautiful. Also I heard, boobs/chest area for some of you.

They will think that you know how to enjoy life and enjoy yourself. You have this nonchalant energy to them. And they see you as someone who is not afraid to express themselves and live authentically. You are at peace in life. You love your life and seem to enjoy it. To them, you are like a “no bs” person. 

Like your clothing, you may like/like to search about what society deems as “dark”, like occult etc.

They will think that you are a disciplined person. However at first they may understand you wrong, this discipline can seem like the will to win no matter what, to them. They may see you as someone who is defensive and does not accept their faults. Someone who is willing to do almost everything to win. However I am not seeing that this is the case with you. Because of this later they may be ashamed of themselves. 

You also seem somewhat unattainable and unpredictable to them. But it's not like you do stupid things. It's more like when they think they know you, you say something totally unexpected about yourself. 

You have this great personality inside you. For them to see this side of you may take a while. I am not saying they will hate you but they will be a bit judgemental of you. You seem like the life of the party and like you are an authentic person but you are also such a deep person. However nonchalant you seem, you also have worries. And you have such a strong and a soft person inside you. They will see this eventually and embrace every part of you.

(For some of you this judgment may be because they are a bit more of a reserved person)

your song: take me-miso

significant placements: taurus, 3rd house, uranus leo, 11th house, neptune capricorn, 12th house, mercury

thank you for reading ❤️

[highpri3stess]

Monsters: Mikey Sano x Reader x Izana Kurokawa

Chapter 5: Act on Dark Impulses

chapter summary: you knew better than to trust mikey and izana. yet you fall for their plan hook, line and sinker and live through the worst night of your life.

word count: 22.8k

Chapter warning: Dark CONTENT, 18+, NONCON, SMUT, threesome (mfm), implied character x character sex, violence, heavy angst, mention of sex work, illegal prostitution, choking (not reader), bullying, gaslighting, guilt tripping, peer pressure, use of alcohol and drugs, drugging, r*pe fantasy, implied orgies, implied cheating, torture, dry humping, reader gets slapped in the face, light bondage, deepthroating/throatfucking, fingering (vaginal & anal) f. receiveing, spanking, virginity loss, double penetration, anal sex, unprotected sex, sadism, slut shaming, degradation, dehumanisation, rough sex, overstimulation, mind break, mild breeding kink, facial, emotional incest

masterlist||chapter 4||chapter 6

KAKUCHO knew what kind of man his friend was.

Spending practically all his life at the orphanage, and then moving to the Sano household when Izana got adopted, Kakucho knew Izana like the back of his hand. His friend was kind to him when they first met, a little bit tactless but regardless he was a good person. He never left Kakucho behind, always taking him wherever he went no matter the pushback and specifically protecting him in the dangerous gang culture. Izana gave him a life and a future when Kakucho thought his life was over.

When all Kakucho’s relatives abandoned and forgot him in that wretched orphanage, Izana was a guiding light, stretching out his hand to rescue him and protecting his friends as best as he could. There was no doubt that Izana loved his friends, putting them out there and rescuing them whenever something went wrong.

Izana was the kindest person he’s met. Izana was his best friend and he will forever be loyal to him. But Izana was not a good man.

Kakucho knows his best friend grew up in an environment without agency, having to hide whenever his mother’s clients would come to their house. Izana had once told him that one of the returning clients had told a little Emma who had stumbled out to get food. ‘I’ll come for you when you’re older’ and it caused him to fly into a fit of rage, attacking the man who ultimately beat him up. The singular action got him sent to an orphanage while Emma was dropped off at the Sano household before their mother disappeared from their lives, never to be seen again. In the orphanage, it was the kids, the older boys who picked on Izana and pushed him, subjecting him to more abuse as he always got ganged up by all of them, especially when Shinichiro came to visit them.

Eventually Kakucho watched in real time as Izana’s ideology began to formulate. With Shinichiro’s position as the leader of a growing gang and the constant bullying and Isolation, it became apparent that the only way not to be thrown around, the only way not to be discarded or left behind was control.

And for Izana, control is best enforced by violence. He learnt that the hard way when Izana finally fought back against his bullies and won, leaving them nearly in a state of stasis. Each piling bodies upon bodies as they moved up the ranks. Izana had lost before and had been at the bottom, but never again; if he had to be brutal to never be a victim again, then so be it.

The world was under Izana’s feet; there was no man on earth and no god in heaven that could stand against him.

Not even you.

You’ve done nothing wrong, really, at least not of your own volition, but your mere presence has put a strain on everything Izana knows and understands. For the first time in his life, Shinichiro isn’t automatically on Izana’s side and was threatening his brother over an outsider.

Over you of all people.

Izana does not take that kind of insult lying down. There’s a certain order of things, everything is perfectly stacked up in Izana’s head, family first, business second and friends last. No matter how bad things got, he could count on Shinichiro and Emma to support him, even when he was wrong. It was the same order Mikey followed, it was the norm.

But you put an end to that. There’s no dynamic anymore. Kakucho watched it crumble the moment Mikey called Izana a bastard child and stormed out of the meeting all because Izana hadn’t told him that you slept with Shinichiro.

His eyes are blown wide and bloodshot, fists tightened in his grip as he stands there, unmoving, in shock of his brother’s heartless words. His body trembled with pure rage, terrifying the hell out of everyone left in the room.

Kakucho has never seen Izana break down this badly over one person before. Not even in the toughest of situations has ever had the white haired male this stressed. He’s so used to seeing his King so composed, manipulative and wise that he forgot that Izana is a human being with fears.

And he is watching his fear come to fruition right before his very eyes.

“I knew it was a bad idea to tell him. If only someone could shut the fuck up.”

Kakucho followed Kisaki’s irritated gaze to the pinkette who was sitting beside him, filing her nails without a care in the world, the culprit behind everything going to shit as if her own business in selling drugs and her secret prostitution ring wasn't also at stake.

Kawaragi Senju.

“He was going to find out anyways and it’s not like she’s dating anyone.” she defended herself, blowing on the shavings from her fingers. “And how is he acting so shocked anyways? What did you guys think would happen after calling her a whore? You practically manifested it into existence.”

Kakucho looked helplessly at his friend who stood there, unmoving. He was sure everything else was white noise to his ears, Mikey’s words playing over and over again in his head. 

Kisaki narrowed his eyes at Senju’s words, scoffing. “Again with your pseudoscience bullshit-”

“It’s called SPIRITUALITY and it WORKS” she snapped back at him, pointing directly at him with her file. “You clearly need it, maybe all your attempts to break up Hanagaki and Hinata will finally work.”

The blonde haired man burned red with fury, turning his head swiftly to face the pink haired girl. “Oh really? So if it works then why don’t you manifest as Mikey’s girlfriend instead of his booty call.”

“Ugh as if I want to DATE him.” Senju grimaced at the thought. “He’s a good fuck and that’s it. I’m not dealing with his emotional baggage. But since we want to talk about my sex life, let’s talk about how yours is nonexistent.”

“Screw you Kawaragi.”

“I bet you’d like that, virgin.”

Kisaki opened his mouth to retort but nothing came out, color dusting his cheeks. Eventually he takes a deep breath and turns around to face Izana, who was still standing there, frozen in time and attempting to talk sense into him.

“Look, Izana, I know things are looking complicated in your family right now, but you have a lot of things to focus on now. Our business-”

“I don’t give a flying fuck about your business” Izana says in a flat tone, his voice shaking with so much pain and hurt. It was obvious that not even Kisaki could tiptoe around Izana’s family to get through to him. And granted, Izana loved his siblings more than any money in the world, something Kisaki couldn’t understand. “There IS no business if Mikey isn’t on my goddamn side.”

“He kinda has a point.” Senju affirmed, back to filing her nails again, trying to remain unbothered and rational. “There’s an order of things that should be maintained and if we ignore (name)’s influence, we’re going to be digging our own grave.”

“And you have an idea?” A frustrated Kisaki roared, upset at how messy everything had become. For fucks sake this was supposed to be an in and out meeting, not a soap opera and clearly not with his investors fucking up. “Did the universe air drop it to you or something, Brahman’s princess?”

Irritated at Kisaki’s constant taunts, Senju put down her nail file and pushed her body off the chair. The next thing everyone knew, she had slammed her fist square to his jaw, knocking him off the sofa and onto the floor. Kakucho quickly got up and put himself between the two of them, preventing Senju from beating up Kisaki even further. Izana only watches, his face devoid of any emotions, observing what will happen next.

“Senju please calm down-” he started, just as Kisaki dragged himself off the floor, picking up his glasses and massaging his jaw.

“Bitch”

“Kisaki, shut up, she’ll fucking kill you-”

Senju shoved Kakucho aside and made quick work of jumping on the younger man, her fists throwing punch after punch, each one destroying his glasses, his nose, his lips, his jaw. Kisaki does nothing to stop her, only attempting to shove her off and failing.

“Senju, st-”

Kakucho paused in his tracks as Izana held up his hand, silently telling him to leave her alone, probably as punishment for talking about ignoring his family. They watch her brutally destroy Kisaki, until her fists were tired, and he was a bloody mess on the floor. She finally relaxed, hands at her sides, like a weight had been rolled off her and Kisaki laid there, half conscious as moans of pain escaped his lips.

Surprisingly, the tension in the room had disapatated, leaving only a tepid awkwardness lying in the air.  “You done Senju?” Izana asked and she nodded in response. There’s a beat of silence hanging in the air, as the white haired man looked from her, to Kisaki on the floor, and then to Kakucho, before uttering a calm. “Get out” to all of them

Senju opened her mouth to protest, but quickly shut it the moment she saw the blood lust in Izana’s eyes and dragged herself quickly towards the stairs. Kisaki pulled his own body off the floor, not wanting to be around Izana and longer, leaning onto Kakucho for support as they walked out of the meeting room.

All three cringed at the sound of Izana's fist breaking the drywall, before a loud “That bitch is dead” rips out of his throat to the rest of the frat house.

  NO ONE ever tells you about the guilt of keeping secrets from your one and only true friend.

The guilt eats you alive daily, soaking into your very core as you look at Emma from the corner of your eyes, jotting down anything the lecturer says eagerly. Her blond hair is in a neat ponytail, exposing the beautiful slope of her neck from behind you, her back curved from leaning down to take notes. You barely could focus on the lesson as you contemplated confessing what happened between you and her brother that night in his bedroom. 

Emma had happily taken you to her home to relax and it took you barely a week to spread your legs for her brother. You haven’t been able to look at yourself in the mirror the moment you returned back to school, mulling over the consequences of your actions. You never considered how she would feel when your back touched the bed, still clouded by the twisted fairytale as Shinichiro explored your body in his grasp.

You already know she was disgusted by Takeomi sleeping with Senju’s friend, how much more her brother?

Guilty conscience made you return the money Shinichiro had generously given you, stating you didn’t need that amount of money to remain silent on what you saw. Although Shinichiro made you keep some of it, he was very angry that you assumed he gave it to you because he wants to keep you quiet and not because he likes you.

You hadn’t contacted him since then, the shame of your actions weighing down on you. You wanted to badly apologize for assuming his intentions toward you too but the thought of furthering a relationship with him behind Emma’s back haunted you.

You don’t want to cause a rift in any of her relationships again. It’s best Shinichiro stays mad at you.

Another person you haven’t considered in a while is Manjiro.

You haven’t gotten any message from him since you returned. If he knew anything about what happened, he hadn’t shown it. He doesn’t speak to you as much, just merely looks at you as he talks to Emma, but that’s it.

It bothers you a lot. You have half the mind to ask him if he knows, but the consequences of that singular action might be too much for you to bear.

You thought that Izana would have run with this knowledge by now, telling Manjiro and Emma that you were a double timing skank that only wants the highest bidder. But even he seems to have been quiet, which is quite shocking to you.

Izana doesn’t do anything for no reason. Maybe he’s waiting for the right time to strike.

“... and that is the end of today’s lesson. You can all leave now.”

You’re snapped out of your self-inflicted guilt trip at the sound of professor Hanabi concluding his lesson. Panic overtook you as you looked down into your notes only to see that it was half written when you were paying attention from the beginning to mid-way in the lesson, and the rest of your paper was empty, from when you stopped.

Of all the lessons to miss, this was the worst one yet.

“You spaced out again babes?”

Your hand flies to slam your book shut at the sound of Emma’s voice from beside you, Hinata following not too behind, embarrassed at the two of them catching you red handed. She only chuckled in response at your hasty actions, shaking her head in a false disapproval before putting her hand on your shoulder. “There’s no need to do that, come on. We just wanna help.” 

You slid your hands over your face at being caught red-handed; As usual, Emma is being so kind to you even as you continue to lie and keep secrets from her. She’s tried everything to get you to open up as to why you keep spacing out, but you deflect and change the subject.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” you sighed out, deflating visibly with your hands still covering your face. “Some days are good, and some days are just…”

‘full of reminders that I’m sleeping with your brothers behind your back.’

Another comforting hand rests on your shoulder, this time belonging to Hina, her eyes calm. “You’ve got to stop getting all up in your head, (Name).” Her voice is gentle, trying to ease you off whatever tension looming over your head. “Come on, let’s get you Boba in the school’s cafeteria. We can talk about what is bothering you there.”

You nodded weakly and packed your books into your worn out school bag, before hurriedly following them behind along with the last of your classmates.

The walk to the cafeteria is a short distance, as your departmental building was very close to it and soon, the three of you had gotten your boba drinks, now in search of a place to sit. “Senju and Yuzuha are around here,” Emma said, scanning around to try and find them in a throng of people.

“They kept a space for the three of us- oh there they are.

A pink haired girl, Senju, eagerly waved at you three from her table, with Yuzuha glued to her phone, not looking up from it and Emma waved back, before grabbing your arm and gently pulling you with her towards the table, Hinata following not too far behind.

Senju Akashi was the leader of the sorority group Brahman and also, Emma’s childhood friend. From Emma’s point of view, Senju was closer to Mikey than her, always opting to play with the boys, Keisuke and Sanzu, rather than Emma. Eventually, she grew into the tomboyish phase in her teenage years and hasn’t left it since then, only now she’s more willing to let Emma fix acrylic nails for her and she puts on makeup, probably to cement her status as a sorority leader.

Yuzuha was someone you knew as a child. You both attended confirmation classes together, along with Hakkai and then shared dance classes together until your father eventually pulled you out. She was just a few years older than you in school, not to mention very popular with the student body as she was a mixture of beauty, brains and brawn and a little nice to you.

Now, she’s the financial advisor in the Brahman’s sorority and head of the cheer squad. You think with how analytical her mind was, it suits her.

As you sat down on the chair, facing Yuzuha and Senju, with Emma and Hinata by your side, you realized how small and insignificant you were compared to them. Emma was the wealthy IT girl and her brothers practically have a tight leash on the school, Hinata ran the school’s newspaper and was on the dean's list regularly, Senju was the leader of the most popular sorority and Yuzuha was the financial advisor and also always on the dean's list, as well as the leader of the university’s cheer team.

And you? You were an unknown person who was just comfortable blending in with the crowd and working part time jobs.

Feeling even worse, you shrank in your seat, swirling your straw as they have a full on conversation about another upcoming party, their chatter excitedly echoing through the table. You try to tune them out, occasionally looking at Emma as she talks animatedly about whatever the topic was. Your heart twinged with jealousy at how her eyes lit up as she spoke, breaking into fits of giggles every now and then. When was the last time you made her laugh? Or happy? All you do these days is sit and mope, being a downer and getting her worried-

“Were you invited, (name)?”

Huh?

You’re roused out of your thoughts by Senju’s cheery tone, all eyes on you now. Suddenly conscious at your slouched sitting position, you quickly sit up, the question tumbling out of your mouth before you could stop yourself.

“Um, invited to what?”

The entire table raised a quizzical brow at your question and you felt stupid for even asking in the first place instead of just pretending to know what they were talking about. Emma shoots you an annoyed ‘seriously, again?’ look, in lieu of your absent mindedness and you bit the inner parts of your cheek, looking at your lap.

You have a feeling Emma is getting exhausted of your constant spacing out. You can’t blame her.

Deciding to take pity on you, Senju reiterated what she was talking about, leaning closer to you as she whispered. “Tenjiku’s Bacchanalia. It’s where all the popular kids, the creme la creme, come to party every year to network and just chill. It’s really exclusive and the four of us went last time.” she giggled, as if it was an inside joke you were supposed to be in on. “Izana usually handles the invitations personally, so you had to have been invited, right?”

The question itself was like a slap to your face and an ego boost to your insecurities. If you didn’t feel embarrassed and out of place before, you sure did now.

An important party where the rich kids hang out and the person who hosts it hates your guts.

“I wasn’t…invited. I didn’t even know about it”

Your reply makes Senju’s face crumple slightly, her green eyes darting from you to Emma, who also looked uncomfortable. “Oh” she uttered.

Just as Emma opened her mouth to speak, her phone started buzzing, interrupting her. She picked up the device and cursed underneath her breath as soon as she saw who was on the line, hurriedly standing up. “I’ve got to take this, I’ll be right back.” She mumbled, reaching for your hand squeezing it. Your gaze lingered on her as she walked away, before looking back at the group again.

You catch a glimpse of Yuzuha’s eyes sharpening before looking back at your boba the moment Emma was out of range, causing a chill to run down your spine, as if the atmosphere just shifted.

‘It’s probably all in my head.’

The table is silent, briefly and you’re almost relieved that nobody's prying further information from you until Senju switches her attention to you, her eyes twinkling with mischief as she prods you further. 

“So you really weren’t invited? For real?” She hummed, her perfectly glossed lips shimmering underneath the fluorescent light above her, pink lashes fluttering. You shook your head in response, afraid you would stutter at how pretty she was. She placed a hand on her chin curiously as she added. “I thought since you were Em’s friend, you would be invited.”

“The Bacchanalia is only for people who have something important about them, either in talents like Mitsuya with his designer, business like Tetta or connections, like Hajime. What does (name) have that is important really?”

You nearly had a whiplash with how fast you turned your head to look at Yuzuha, who didn’t look bothered at your reaction.

 “Maybe I wasn’t invited because Izana hates me.” You replied in an attempt to stay coolheaded. This was probably a misunderstanding and she didn’t really mean it in the way you’re taking it, after all, Yuzuha always had a sarcastic sense of humor back when you were younger and it might still be the same now. “We don’t have a good relationship and it’s fine.”

Your heart palpitates as Yuzuha shares a knowing look with the rest of the girls for a hot, tense minute before bursting out in laughter, their yelps echoing throughout the entire canteen for the next three minutes, making grow hot from embarrassment, as if you had said something stupid.

As the laughter died down, Yuzuha rolled her eyes at you and let out a disgusted scoff as she folded her arms across her chest, peach lip gloss coated lips quirked up into a sinister sneer. “You know what, maybe you are good at something, acting…” Her voice is full of venom, like she has been holding back whatever sentiment she was saying right now for a long time. “ ...like a victim.”

You quickly realized that this was serious and your heart dropped in your stomach.

“What are you talking about?”

“Fooling Takashi that you are some kind of good girl only to let Mikey treat you like the common whore he says you are.”

You felt blood rushing to your head as her words settled in your mind. You could feel all their eyes on you, as if they were gauging your reaction. There was no form of confusion in their eyes, as if they knew exactly what Yuzuha was talking about.

But that’s not feasible. You never told a soul what happened. Not even Yuzuha. They couldn’t possibly know what you had done at all-

You looked at Hinata, hoping to God she would shut it down but instead she only sits back even further, legs crossed over each other. “You know he has a soft heart for innocent looking girls” She chimed in. “It’s not his fault this one is not a good girl.”

Your heart sank at the bottom of your chest. They knew. All this while you have been keeping so many secrets, letting them plague you and eat you alive, driving you crazy every night. Just for people to know about it.

Everyone except Emma.

“Oh please, spare me” Yuzuha snarked back, leaning in further until she was close enough for only you three to hear. “Ever since Emma became friends with her and brought her into our dynamic, she is the cause of every fight for the past nine months we’ve known her.”

Your mouth grows dry at the comment. Nine months? The incident at the party was only three months ago, and you’ve only known Emma’s entire friend group properly since the middle of summer semester.

Was it Emma spending so much time with you that caused the rift? Your mere presence has been the subject of anger and rage and you didn’t even know. Was that why nobody wanted to talk to you or go against either Mikey or Izana?

Yuzuha doesn’t stop there, turning her gaze back to you, the fire burning in her eyes so bright, it hurts. “Maybe Emma has you fooled, putting on rose tinted glasses for you; because you could never do shit for yourself- but none of us…” Yuzuha gestures with her hand at Senju and Hina, to drive her point, “Like you.”

You look at the other two girls and nearly reel in shock at how their demeanor shifted from one of worry, to one of nonchalance and placidity. Senju picks at her nails, looking at you with a devious smirk. “What the hell do you expect? You do realize that Mikey and Izana are having problems because of you. That’s not exactly likable, is it?”

Hinata, picks up her pumpkin spice latte, mumbling at Yuzuha. “You better hurry up Yuzu, Emma’s coming back soon.” before sipping the drink and leaning back on her chair, rolling her eyes at your shocked expression. “I don’t want to deal with her being mad at me for making her precious (name) cry. It was embarrassing enough to be yelled at because I didn’t want to help her write a stupid test.”

A lump forms in your throat at the two comments made. Oh God. This wasn’t a dream, and Hinata was in on it, someone you were beginning to like and trust, hated you.

The nicest person in the group hated you.

How bad were you that the nicest girl in the entire school hates you?

“See?” Yuzuha continued, whispering furiously as she inched closer and closer to your face. “We’re all sick of you driving a wedge between Emma and the rest of us. If you had just stayed in your own lane and never spoken to Emma, then we wouldn’t be doing fucking damage control on our interpersonal relationships each week.”

You sit there, speechless as Yuzuha tears into you, blaming you. For things you know, for things you didn’t even know. “I fucking warned Takashi that you were nothing but trouble but he chose to believe you and stand against Mikey. And what did you do in return? Fuck Mikey and gave him your cute little underwear as a souvenir.”

Your eyes widened in shock, mouth agape as you stuttered, trying to defend yourself. “I didn��t… that’s not what happened.” you stuttered out, your heart leaping in your chest. You never gave Manjiro Sano anything, not to talk of underwear and unless he stole it from you…

‘My flowered panties.’ Your eyes widened in horror. ‘Ever since that day I couldn’t find it, how-’

Oh God.

Bile filled your throat as you put two and two together.

She laughed at your shocked expression, her lips curled up into a mocking smile. “Aw, are you going to cry? Like how you cried to Emma about your grades and she let you stay in her house. Only for you repay her by you fucking her oldest brother too.” Her smile drops as she lowers her voice coldly. How does she even know all this? “It’s obvious what you’re doing, isn't it? Sinking your dirty little poverty ridden claws into the highest bidder.”

You could feel the entire canteen drilling holes into your head, all eyes fixated on you. You can hear the little murmurs and snickers following it, words like “gold digger” and “opportunist flying over your head, aimed at you. Your face burns with embarrassment, wishing that the ground would swallow you whole.

Yuzuha leans further, smirking at how your body shook with anger until she lowered herself closer to your ear, lips merely brushing the shell. “You’ve made dangerous enemies (name).” her tone is warning. “Mikey and Izana don’t like being second place in anyone’s life and we all are on their side. I’d watch my back if I were you.”

Your blood turns to ice at her words, heart dropping down to your stomach as you realize that everyone knows. The entire friend group has an idea of what exactly both the Sano brothers have been doing to you and no one has bothered to say anything because they truly hate you.

You feel nauseous. You want to get up from the chair and hurl your guts out in the bathroom but a manicured hand forces you to stay put, her orange eyes glaring at you. “Don’t even think about it.” Hina hisses at you. “You want to worry Emma further and make us look bad? Sit down.”

You don’t say anything, opting to comply instead in order to placate them. What good would storming off do anyways, other than make them look bad and get Emma very angry at them, proving their point that you were a problem?

Instead, you pick up your boba with shaking hands and sip it fast, washing down the bile gathering up in your throat as familiar footsteps approach your table, the switch flipping in the atmosphere, as if nothing had happened in the first place.

The chair scrapes the floor and Emma sits down again, tossing her phone on the table. “Guess who didn’t write a letter informing the school about the annual party this year?” her voice dripping with sarcasm, rubbing her temple with one hand to soothe her headache “And guess who has to do it for him?”

Senju chuckled at her plight, hand resting on her chin playfully, a stark contrast to her mocking stare just a few moments ago. “I told you that he’d forget about it. Izana is too busy fucking my girls to remember that he’s the one hosting the party.”

Emma grimaced at Senju’s comment, before checking the time and sighing. “Might as well write the damn letter after the next lecture. Come on (name), Hina let’s go.” She said, packing her stuff. You follow suit, trying to ignore Yuzuha’s gaze fixated on you as you arrange your bag and get up from the chair, eager to be free from the uncomfortable situation you found yourself in.

“Bye guys. We’ll meet up at the Boutique after school? We still need cute bikini sets for the pool at the party.”

You swallow your jealousy as Emma smiles at her back, eyes gleaming with interest. “Of course! At 6pm sharp I’ll be at the Sorority house with Hina.” She waved at them. “Bye!”

You don’t say anything about feeling excluded from the conversation as the three of you walk away. Emma and Hinata’s excited chatter about the Bacchanalia became nothing but background noise to you, Yuzuha’s words ringing in your ears with each step you took.

“Hey, (name), are you alright?”

You don’t look at Emma as she questions you, just shrugging your shoulders while you keep walking down the path to class. She walked closer to you, gently putting her arm around your shoulder as she tried to make you feel better. “Hey, don’t be sad. That kind of party isn’t your scene anyways.” She comforted. “We do a lot of stuff that you’re not ready for.”

“Mhm”

Your response dampens her mood a bit, but at this point you’re too far in your head to care. It sounds patronizing at this point how she’s talking to you, like a petulant child who doesn’t understand when they are not wanted.

You understand loud and clear. She doesn’t need to pretend or pity you.

“Come on! You know what, how about this? You can come shopping with us -”

“Excuse me.”

You push her arm off you gently and walk faster towards the departmental building, much to her shock. You don’t answer her constantly yelling your name as hot tears streamed down your face, storming into the building with gritted teeth, bile rising up in your throat once again as you rush to the bathroom on the ground floor.

You make it just in time as you hunch over and throw up your boba into the toilet.

  “YOU know, you really hurt Izana by reminding him you weren’t his real brother.”

Mikey doesn’t move from his spot, eyes glued to the ceiling as the bed dips, Senju falling beside him, pink hair splayed on the bed. He keeps his lips sealed shut, not wanting to give her an ounce of his attention and rolls over to his side, now staring hard at the wall. Dark eyes dart around the wall until they fall on the picture hanging at a corner, him smiling with Shinichiro on the day he earned his belt. His big brother had ruffled his messy blonde hair, both of them laughing in the picture.

Those were fond times of simpler days; back when he was a kid and all he had to worry about was what game he, Keisuke and Sanzu were going to play. Or fighting with Shinichiro because a pretty girl hugged him and he didn’t want to wash her off by showering.

Now when he looks at that picture, all he feels is bitter rage.

He never thought he’d direct his anger towards family before. It was always outsiders that bore the brunt of his hatred; Haruchiyo had witnessed Mikey’s wrath for a crime he never committed, permanently scarring him for life. Kazutora when he accidentally stabbed Baji during a fight had made Mikey lose it and beat the living hell out of him. Even Takemitchi had become a victim too, just for blocking the way when he was fighting a guy named South.

But for the first time in his life, he wants to hurt his own flesh and blood. He wants to fight him and curse him out and make him pay. He wants to grab Shinichiro by his shoulders and scream at him, asking him why.

Why did it have to be you?

And you. You promised him that you were his, only to turn around and betray him, with his own older brother. He wants to scream at you, to dig his nails into your pathetic flesh and draw blood, large hands wrapped around your throat, squeezing it until you weren’t breathing.

He’s thought about directly confronting you about what you did, but his thoughts get out of hand any time he sees you, urges swirling around his head. His hands tremble with rage, itching to hit you and make you feel the pain he’s going through right now. His heart hammers faster, blood rushing into his ears as he watches you walk by, not a damn care in the world about the grievous sin you committed against him.

How dare you act like you’ve done nothing wrong while he was clawing at his skin, wanting to be eaten alive just to never imagine Shin and you in the same room, sleeping together? 

He loved you. How could you do this to him?

And then there was Izana who watched it happen. Maybe he was too harsh by calling his elder brother a bastard child for not doing anything, but Mikey couldn’t help but be angry that he hadn’t tried harder. 

“I think you should apologize to him. He seemed really hurt by your words after you left.”

Senju’s voice is like nails scratching on a board to his ears, as sweet as sugar, yet as salty as the sea. Since childhood, she always had that mischievous hint in her tone, irritating him to no end at how she would always butt into their business whenever the boys were playing.

She inserted herself in their spaces much to Haruchiyo’s dismay until she made it fit into her own expectations. It wasn’t like Mikey couldn’t kick her out, but he knew that probably doing that would cause a bigger rift between Haruchiyo and Takeomi and she would drift into other predatory, male groups that could get her into big trouble.

She was doing it again now. Even if she had a point, Mikey didn’t want to admit he was wrong or hear her out. He just wanted to be angry in peace.

The sheets rustle as she shifts closer to him, her colder body pressed against his warm body, probably since she had come back from shopping for Tenjiku’s Bacchanalia and the temperature had dropped significantly since last month. A soft sigh escapes his lips as her hand finds its way to his hair, fingers gently massaging his scalp in a satisfying way. He finds himself visibly relaxing, the tension slowly leaving his body as she rubs circles into his head, her acrylics giving a nice feel to her gentle actions.

Somewhere, in a perfect world, you’re the one gently playing with his hair, touching him, your lips close to his ears and breathing down his neck. No matter how angry he was at you, he craved your touch, your soft fingers and breathy moans. He missed your cheap strawberry perfume as opposed to Senju’s expensive vivienne westwood.

He wants you. So bad it hurts.

“That’s much better now isn’t it?” She whispered in his ears and he only nodded in response, not wanting to sound like a fool if he opened his mouth to speak. Ever the weakling for being pampered by anyone, he leans into her touch and lets his guard down. “Or you’d prefer her to do this for you?”

He flushes red at her constant teasing, wanting nothing more to bury his head inside sand with how hot he was feeling right now, being caught red handed. “You keep mentioning her, almost as if you want to get on my nerves” He finally gets out after a few minutes of staving off thoughts about you being so touchy with him, voice strangled with need. “I’m already pissed at everyone else, what do you want from me?”

She chuckled into his ears again, making his neck hairs stand at attention. “Just curious, a few months ago, you wanted nothing to do with her.” She hummed in his ears. “Now every waking chance, you’re practically thinking about her, to the point you yelled at Izana for nothing. Don’t you think it’s strange?”

“What are you implying?”

Senju paused her movements, putting her chin on his head as if she’s deep in thought. “Well personally…” Senju started in a sing-song voice. “... I think she’s really pretty and that’s obvious, but she’s not that stunning to begin with. You’ve been with much prettier girls and she doesn’t necessarily have the looks to turn heads.”

“Not everyone can be you, Senju.”

“I know I’m the prettiest girl you’ll ever be with, Mikey.” She snickered, completely ignoring Mikey’s sarcastic comment as she continued her analysis. “But, come to think of it, she kinda reminds me of a certain someone.”

Mikey frowned at her words, not liking the inflection of her tone, as if she was about to imply he was doing something wrong. She took his silence as a hint to continue taunting him.

“Soft, caring, gentle, miserable.”

She lowers her lips to the side of his head, lips gently brushing the shell of his ear as she utters one word that tipped him over the edge.

“Maternal.”

The next moment was a blur, Mikey spinning Senju around until she was face up and he was on top of her, large hands wrapped around her neck tight. His eyes were darkened completely, nothing behind them but pure, unbridled rage, practically pinning her down with all his weight. His breathing is heavy, hot against her skin as he lowers his head to hers, their foreheads practically touching each other as he pierces through her soul with his hate filled glare. With each moment that passes, the pink haired girl loses air, her circulation slowly cutting off. 

A normal person would be rightfully afraid and fight the hell for their lives, biting and scratching him to let go. Senju used to fight him off like that too, when he would lose his temper because she refused to listen to him about fighting with people. It used to be an effective scare tactic to show her just how easily she could be overpowered.

But now, Senju knows him. Knows the darkness that consistently plagues him and drives him to the wall. Mikey is no enigma or mystery to her anymore as he is to his foolish admirers.

Instead, she smiles at him, her own eyes shining badly with mischief and something entirely different, naughty. “H-heh. Y-ou’re ju-st as sick as Iza-na” she croaked out snarkily, her minty breath invading his nostrils. “M-mother fuck-”

“Say that word and I’ll snap your fucking neck.”

She clamped her mouth shut at his promise, opting to smile sultry at him instead, despite her dwindling air supply. Maybe it was the masochist in her, but the constant choking had made her a little less scared and a little more interested in the twisted desire of Mikey lashing out on her, doing this repeatedly. Haruchiyo barely paid attention to her presence and always blamed himself for anything Senju did and Takeomi always blamed Haruchiyo, completely skipping her entirely, even when Haruchiyo had nothing to do with it and she did something bad just for anyone to tell her she was wrong.

Mikey though. He fulfills her fantasy of being scolded, hurt, not treated as some fragile princess, but a tool to feel his hurt and hatred. And she loves it. Perhaps it’s why he’s always the victim of her constant and persistent attitude, watching him tick was always so fun. At least she knew the one place to win him since he was physically stronger than her.

Dark impulses. 

Emma’s lucky to have brother’s that care and interfere. Maybe that’s why the blonde girl isn’t as twisted as she is.

The air between the two shifts into something hotter, more charged than before. She coughs violently as Mikey removes his hands off her neck entirely and sits up, his hands flying to his belt. As usual, she watches him from her lashes with interest as he fumbles around with it, ever so impatient to understand or think about what he was about to do with her.

“We haven’t done this in a while” she chuckles as he tosses his belt across the room, before taking off his shirt. “I’ve kinda missed this.”

He didn't say anything as he shrugged off his shirt, his breathing harsh as he lowered his face towards hers, capturing her lips in a bruising kiss. She returned it with equal feverency, her fingers digging into his hair.

‘Yeah. Use me,’ She smiled into the kiss, closing her eyes to relish in the taste of the sweet pastry he had eaten prior. He pulled away from her lips and began to kiss her neck with fervor, each kiss articulated with quiet “(name)” spilling from his lips.

Of course. Sick fool.

  YOU’VE never felt this lonely before.

You already had no faith in the school authorities, after submitting anonymous reports only for you to find them in the large garbage dumpster behind the administrative building. And the police? They didn’t ask you any question when you were called upon, apart from identifying if the person they had in custody was your ‘attacker’.

But even the friend group knew exactly what type of men they were friends with. People you thought that were in the dark and had nothing to do with it. People you had argued with Emma all those months ago that their hands were tied and had no idea what was going on.

They knew. And they didn’t even think for once to stop them. All they were concerned about was Emma finding out. Not if you were okay. Not if you were hurt or wounded. Not if the brothers had sexually assaulted you.

Just “what would Emma think?” That was how much your life was worth to them.

A tear dropped onto the open book you were reading and you quickly reached up to wipe it away. Ever since that day, you refused to borrow any work from either Emma or Hinata, opting to do the work yourself. You no longer felt safe around Emma or her group of friends who suddenly seem to show up after that day at the cafeteria everywhere you go. Senju would curl her lips at you behind Emma’s back, blue eyes full of mockery, as if she was laughing at you. Yuzuha spoke over you in conversations, whenever Emma brought up a topic, you couldn’t even get two words in as each time before she would rip your ideas into shreds until you’re silenced.

And Hina is the worst yet. Ever since that day, she’s been more bold to show her disdain for you. Pointing out loose threads from your clothes loud enough for everyone to hear or that she had seen “those shoes at a one dollar store”.

A lot of things like you failing your English test after she marked your answers made more sense now.

She hated you.

They all did. Everyone of them. They were just pretending to like you because Emma was watching them.

You couldn’t bear being their verbal punching bag anymore. It was far too much for you to handle on your own, but you know telling Emma would involve your own ruination with all the lies you’ve told over the past few months now if they chose to let out your dirty secret. She would never talk to you again if she found out what kind of things you’ve done with her big brothers.

Instead, you chose to distance yourself for the next few weeks. You found out that studying was a more effective excuse than lying about having diarrhea to escape those god awful dreaded outings. Besides, with Hinata giving you the wrong lesson plan, you needed to start all over and correct yourself on so many things. You already passed your make up test, so your next step was to continue to ace the end of the month tests before the first semester exams come in.

You were already improving within such a short time. You just needed to study more.

It also reminded you why you left your home in the first place. Why you rebelled against your father. Everything so far had just been a distraction; Mikey, Izana, Toman, Tenjiku… it didn’t matter. You were here to learn and graduate and that’s it. So many girls have gone through worse ordeals than you have and they swallow it, pretend nothing happened to them and move on. Why can’t you do the same?

‘It wasn’t that bad.’ You tell yourself often. ‘It’s not like they forced me to do anything. I could have said no at any time. Besides, I have so much more to do than crying over spilled milk.’

Your running away from home would not be in vain. You were going to do better things with your life and prove everyone else wrong.

The part of the library you chose was a quiet, secluded space where no one would bother you. These moments were reminiscent of the time before Emma Sano became your friend, when you barely spoke to anyone. Your life was so peaceful and less dramatic, each day blending with each other. Back then, she was just someone you admired from afar- as you had a crush on Mikey, you asked around if he had any relatives around.

You barely saw Izana apart from the one time he came to speak with your roommate about something concerning their course, sound engineering. You remember her strange look of adoration in her eyes and how much her mood improved that very day.

He hadn’t even spared a glance at you at that point in time as he took his notes and walked away. Back then, you thought it wasn’t nice of him to ignore you. You wished maybe he would turn his head and see you, desperate for any form of acknowledgement.

Now, you realized that the background was a better place than ever being noticed.

‘Done with this topic.’ You muttered, moving on with the course you’ve been studying for hours and flipped through the workbook guide. ‘Let’s move to the study test to see how much I’ve learned.’

You started off with the first few questions, very easy to answer and continued to progress diligently as they got more difficult. The ones that made you pause in your tracks you skipped them for later.

It’s a steady progress and for a moment, you’re doing something other than being a burden for once. Something else outside of Emma or her brothers. It’s a good change of pace outside of your tumultuous life, something you wish was more of a permanent occurrence.

You don’t notice the sun lowering and the night lights in the library slowly filtering into the room. Or the place growing empty with each passing hour.

By the time you look up from your book mid marking, the once bright sunset had become cloudy, darkness blanketing around the school, unusual for an evening sky.  “Huh, that’s not a good sign, '' you muttered to yourself. The weather forecast had indicated a sunny day this morning as opposed to the dull, rainy days prior and you decided not to bring an umbrella to school today.

Maybe it was just late. A bitt

You checked your phone and realized it was late by a WHOLE LOT.

“9:00 pm? Already?” You whisper yelled, jerking up from your chair. How hard had you been studying that you had forgotten the time in the first place? Or to set alarms to snap you out of it? “This has never happened to me before, I always had Emma to snap me out of…” You trailed off, realizing where your sentence was trailing off too.

Yeah. Emma always helped you keep track of time whenever you hyper focused on something for too long.

‘They’re right. I’m too dependent on her.’

You gathered your books hastily and stuffed them carelessly in your backpack, eager to leave. The library was not necessarily the safest place to be in the night, as it was closer to the boy’s campus than the girls. Crimes always went abump in the night time; cult meetups, violent beatings, drug trafficking, raping unsuspecting people. It was the area Tenjiku controlled the most in school as many members and aspiring members occupied most of the block.

Their over eagerness to get a silver of Izana’s attention in any way was why this area was unsafe.

Meaning you needed to get out of here. Fast. The marking can wait another time.

You bolted out of the library as fast as you could, nearly the last person to leave save for a few guys who were still studying, only to be met with a huge gust of cold wind breezing past you and nearly lifting your dress up. Your body shuddered at the flash of bright light illuminating the sky, followed by a loud crack of thunder.

Great. So not only are you in the most dangerous spots on campus at night, but it is also threatening to rain as well, trapping you in the worst place yet.

How delightful.

“There’s a bus stop somewhere here but it closes at 9pm sharp.” You groaned, fighting your way through the heavy wind as you looked for shelter, so that you could think of a more permanent solution. God, there really seems to be no way out of this huh? How can anyone have this amount of terrible luck and still be sane?

You contemplated calling Emma to come pick you up briefly, before discarding the idea entirely. She said she would be too busy picking out the decorations and setting the right theme for the party and you knew from prior occasions, she would still be too busy to pick you up.

She needed more time with her friends instead of worrying about you. Making her cut her time with them would only fuel their hatred for you and you didn’t want that.

You decided to brave it and walk, hoping you’ll make it through before the storm meets you. You ignored the thunder claps overhead and the light drizzle hitting your skin, hoping you might see a car or a bus service at least outside before someone else you didn’t want to notice met you on the road. Your mind keeps nagging you to call someone as the drops get heavier but you push that thought at the back of your mind.

Last time you listened to your gut, you witnessed a man getting murdered. You’re not going to do that to yourself again. Besides, you can handle rain. You handled it when you were a kid, being locked out by your dad or mom as punishment.

You can handle it now.

Eventually the rain starts pouring in torrents, lightning painting the skies white before a loud crack echoed around, nearly terrifying you. It gets too bad that you couldn’t even see the road with how hard the storm came down on you. With wet clothes and your ruined hair, you quickly ran off to the nearest shelter to protect yourself, chills running down your spine.

Here you stand, wet, cold, shivering and damp hair you were sure would stink by tomorrow if you don’t at least blow dry the scalp area. The only thing saving you from total embarrassment was that your bag back is waterproof, otherwise you would have been completely screwed-

“AAHH!”

You shrieked loudly as a car drove by fast, splashing the puddle of water in front of you all over you, practically drenching you in dirty water, and staining your clothes. By the time you realized what had just happened, the car had been long gone, before you could complain or even ask for help.

Your one chance of surviving the rain and getting home, gone.

All you were trying to do was be considerate and independent so that no one would hate on you and it backfired. Tears rolled down your cheeks as your arms wrapped around your body, trying to seek warmth. You were cold, your legs aching from walking around all day with nothing in your stomach because you had chosen to neglect yourself.

You feel like you’re seventeen again, homeless in the rain with no hope to get shelter, your body tired from all the running, cold from how drenched you were and hungry from the lack of food after being starved for two days.

You wanted to laugh. You would if your teeth weren’t knocking against each other as you climbed on the bench, pulling your knees to your chest, trying to warm yourself up.

If only you had swallowed your pride and called Emma. You would have been in a warm bed with her arms surrounding you. In fact, if you had just ignored the mean comments and followed them to plan the party despite not being invited, you wouldn’t have been in this mess.

You’ve never felt so alone in your life and it’s all your fault. 

Bright headlights draw near and it’s only then you realize that the car coming towards you was the one that splashed all that water on you. You stand up from the bench as the good samaritan slowly pulls over to the shelter you had taken.

“I knew it was you. What the hell are you doing out here by this time?”

Your mouth goes dry as you slowly recognize the familiar voice, belonging to the one person you never expected, the white hair confirming your suspicions.

“I-izana?”

The universe had a funny way of letting you know it doesn’t care about you in the slightest. Of all people, why did it have to be him who saw you at your lowest? Knowing him, he was just going to laugh at you and then drive away again, splashing water over you. He always had a knack of humiliating you -

“Get in.”

‘What?’

Did you hear him right? Izana asking you to get into his car?

Your mind raced with all the possibilities that could happen if you stepped into that car with him. He could very well finish what he started months ago and dump your body in a nearby river. Or drive you half way and tell you to walk home for the rest of the road. You considered taking your chances with the cold rainy weather, if it was safer to be harrassed by some random street thug or be in the same car with him?

He blasted his horn multiple times, regaining your attention. “I wasn’t asking. I said get in before you catch a serious cold.”

Your mind told you to hesitate, resist his command and wait for someone else. You know what kind of things he is capable of doing, and you know staying out here, chattering in the rain and waiting for help that won’t come underneath a storm that gets worse with each passing minute isn’t a smart idea either.

You took your chance rushing over to the passenger’s door and taking a seat. A warm jacket is handed over to you, which you take gratefully, wrapping over your shoulders.

“The storm isn’t gonna stop anytime soon and I can barely see it as it is. You’re gonna have to stay with me tonight.”

You nodded. Not like you had a choice. You would take any help you can get, even from the devil himself.

   IZANA doesn’t do nice things. For free at least.

It’s what he tells himself as he leads you into Tenjiku’s fraternity house, one hand with an umbrella and the other one holding on to your cold hands, shivering out of your mind.

He's doing this to observe you. And right now you're awfully naïve

Some heads turn from the game they were playing at the sound of the door closing, all greeting Izana with a quiet “Welcome boss!” Or “how was your day?”, which as per usual Izana ignored the frat members that he didn’t know. Realizing that he wasn’t paying attention to them, they trailed their gazes on to you, the shivering girl Izana was practically dragging across the room, multitudes of whispers erupting throughout

“That’s Emma’s friend, isn’t it? What is she doing here?”

“Why is she wet? Was she standing in the rain?”

“Doesn’t matter, she’s so pretty. I’ve never really noticed her before but damn.”

“Yeah, and she walks so cutely, the way she’s holding our boss’ hand like a lost puppy. I can tell she’ll be real fun to play with.”

“Her legs are really sexy, and that ass, whew-”

“Her nips are showing from the dress. Fuck, she doesn’t wear a bra.”

Izana can tell by the way your grip on his hand tightens, you feel uncomfortable with how they’re talking about you. It reminded him of that night at the party, where you looked so embarrassed when he called you a slut, making you the center of attention unwillingly. Or the time he embarrassed you in front of Shinichiro, the way you’ll cast your gaze down at your feet and stutter on your words, looking all flustered.

Back then it felt good to humiliate you. Watching you break down in front of his friends was so fun, cause you looked so pretty when embarrassed, tears watering your lash line.

So why does he feel so weird now? What’s this tightening feeling in his chest, gnawing at his heart and brain, filling his veins with hot rage? It’s unlike anything he’s dealt with, and it’s been a common feeling ever since the time at the Sano residence, so much that he hit his own brother.

And why does it only come whenever you are involved?

He squeezed your hand tighter in response, tugging you closer to his side and encircled his arm around your waist instead, earning a small gasp of surprise from you. It’s a silent warning; an effective one at that because his frat members quickly shut up and went back to what they were doing. It doesn’t satiate his annoyance still. It’s strange. He’s never satisfied anytime you’re the reason for his anger until someone is hurt.

It’s like with you, his hunger and thirst for violence is bottomless until he consumes someone alive completely.

“(Name)? What’s going on? Is she hurt?”

Kakucho is standing at the last few stairs when he sees the both of you. Ever the good man he was, the dark haired male stares at your shivering form with worry in his eyes, his heart dropping further into his stomach at how you clutched onto Izana tightly, his good eye tracing his arm to his grip on your waist.

Kakucho’s red eye flickered up to meet Izana briefly, as if telling him something along the lines of ‘what are you doing?’

It’s all part of his plan. When he figures it out. Eventually.

“She’s fine. Just help me get cold medicine” Izana assured verbally, his arm encased around your waist as you both climbed the stairs, stopping when he was within earshot of his second in command to give an order. “The guys pissed me off today, teach them a lesson, particularly the fucker in yellow shirt with dyed hair and the one that thinks piercings makes him a gangster.”

The dark haired man nodded and robotically walked down to the main hall, no questions asked. He smirked when you fist his shirt tighter at the sound of bones crunching underneath a heavy fist.

The rest of the journey up the stairs was quiet. Occasionally, his higher ups would see the both of you as you ascended the floors and give him a questioning look. He knew his friends enough to understand what they were communicating through their eyes, all the same question.

‘What are you doing?’

He wants to laugh. Even he himself can’t understand his own actions. This is so uncharacteristic of him, being so considerate to the person he has publicly had fantasies of violating until you can't walk again.

They know it isn’t safe to let you be alone with him either. But they don’t do anything or step in to help you. They just watch him take you up the stairs to do god knows what.

He won’t hurt you, at least, not for now. There’s too much at stake here and he is far smarter than that.

The both of you eventually reach his bedroom and he opens the door, letting you in first before shutting the door behind himself. He pulled away from you briefly, going ahead to his clean towel rack to pick one for you. Deciding to pick the soft blue one for you, he walked back to you and held it out. “Give me your school bag and change into that. I’ll run a hot bath for you.”

You hesitate for a moment, eyes flickering from his face to his hands as if unsure of his sudden act of kindness, like you could do anything now that you’re alone with him, in his own room. “A-are you going to watch me change?” You spoke for the first time since you got here, your face painted with concern.

There’s something annoying about your shyness; it’s a side of you that Izana heavily detests. The way you’re hiding behind the wall in distrust just to ask him about preserving your modesty. Especially after he saved you from the terrible storm. So what if he wanted to see you naked? You would owe it to him.

You were an ungrateful little twat.

The look on his face goes dark, making you tremble as he starts to move closer to you, until you could feel his hot breath on your skin. The urge to threaten you was high. The urge to act on that threat right now was even higher. Maybe he would justify your fears of being alone with him right now, damn the consequences and everyone else.

Instead, he reigned in his thoughts and took a deep breath. If he wanted his perfect hierarchy to be back to normal, he had to control himself and his anger around you, especially now that he was busy with planning the Bacchanalia to regain his elder brother’s respect. If there’s any incident involving you getting hurt now, he was sure Shinichiro would shut it down instantly as punishment.

He has to wait for the right time.

“I’m not.” He answered you, before pushing the towel and the nightgown into your chest rather aggressively. “In fact, I’m out of here. You can go wild with the bath. I have shit to do.”

He doesn’t wait for you to respond, shutting the door behind himself and leaving you all alone in his massive room.

A sigh escaped his lips as he made his way towards the balcony on the third floor outside to cool down. His hands fumbled his pockets, taking out his bunts, needing an extra kick for the night and selecting one, placing it between his teeth. His other hand took out a lighter, flicking it twice before a dull flame lights up, standing proud amidst the stormy weather. Izana presses the light to the tip of his cig until it catches, inhaling until there’s a familiar burning sensation in his lungs.

Blowing the smoke out through his pursed lips, he could feel all his pent up stress and annoyance from the entire day roll off his shoulders, washing away along with the storm ongoing.

For the first time today, he finally had one peaceful moment to himself. Shion had messed up buying the drinks for the party by sending it to the wrong address, Rindou wasn’t done mixing his stupid tapes after begging him for months to let him play, Senju was too busy screwing Mikey to finish up sending her clients invites for the secret business meeting and the school is breathing down on his neck about not slipping up like last time when some overambitious students tried to expose what goes on in the exclusive party.

And then, there’s the rocky relationship with Shin. They’ve started talking again, with Shinichiro reaching out first but Izana feels like he has to walk on eggshells around him now. His elder brother had said you were not interested in furthering a relationship with him, but refuses to apologize to Izana for falsely accusing him of telling Mikey.

Mikey blaming him for not stopping you is another thing altogether and then yelling about how they are not blood brothers when Izana tried to explain.

He’s sick of it.

Everytime you were involved, someone had to blame him for something, right from the first time it happened when he made you cry because you didn’t know how to roll a damn joint. It wasn’t his fault and he didn’t mean anything by it back then, but when Emma started to get mad at him consistently, he decided to just return the favor and hurt you.

It’s easy for everyone to think of him as a cold, heartless, bitter man. They praise him when it works to their benefit, being analytical and taking action without any sentiment attached and then they berate him when he eventually lashes out because people expect him not to complain or take up too much space. It’s always him that is the cause of the problems and the fights, never Mikey the golden child.

The fuel to Mikey’s fire.

Meanwhile his siblings can yell about him not being their biological brother at the drop of a hat and love someone else far quicker than they accepted him. And he’s expected to just be okay with it.

He burns through his blunts in rapid succession, each one taking the edge of him bit by bit until all his anger was nonexistent and he was ready to retire for the night. They’re not as effective as when he first started at sixteen, but then again maybe it’s a sign for him to take it easy and wean himself for a while.

At least, he’s slowed down on the amount of girls and guys he brings by, but he knows it’s because they’re just not doing it for him anymore.

He makes his way sluggishly back into the house, the hallways dark and empty, save for a few night lights illuminating the area. ‘Must have been out there for a while.’ He thought to himself, dragging his feet to his bedroom door and pushing it open, gently closing it.

Tugging off his jacket, he neatly folded it into his laundry basket and walked up to the night stand next to his bed, checking the digital clock for the time.

‘1:50am. Fuck’ he cursed.

Waking up tomorrow would be a pain in the ass with how high he was right now, especially with all the problems he has to fix, but it’s a problem he’ll deal with tomorrow.

“Should I just skip my night shower?” He mused, settling down on his bed and kicking off his boots and unclasping his chains. Luckily for him, he smoked outside, so the stench didn’t cling onto him as much as it should, but he still felt filthy for even considering that option in the first place.

“Ah fuck, maybe it’ll help me sober up a bit-”

His words caught up in his throat as his eyes caught sight of you on the other end of his bed, asleep.

The faint glow of his night lamp illuminating your figure, the blanket draped over your body. You must have been very tired, noting by the fact you hadn’t worn or requested a silk bonnet to bed, leaving your hair out.

(luckily for you, his pillow cases were silk but you’ll figure it out).

Your lips are parted slightly, eyes closed in the most peaceful look he’s ever seen you in. Carefully, he pushed down his weighted blankets to see the nightwear in all its glory, lips parted in awe at how well it fits you compared to his sister, outlining every curve and pudge.

Izana knows you’re beautiful. He knew it from the first day he met you when he started messing around with your roommate, but beauty was never a defining factor for him to be attracted to you. He liked it when people were under his thumb after fighting for dominance and the only time he ever felt attracted to you was the night of the attack, fighting for your life and then begging him to spare you. He doesn’t dig the innocence thing because it’ll mean he has to be careful.

But tonight. His head and his pants has him thinking very differently.

A tanned hand touched your face, caressing your cheek softly. Your skin is soft, doughy and gentle underneath his ringed fingers. You shivered slightly from how light your nightwear is, considering the air conditioned room is terribly cold, combined with the raging storm outside.

It’s hard to imagine that a girl with such an innocent face has caused him so much trouble.

Purple eyes glance over your body, clad in the silk nightie and his tongue wets his lips eagerly, pants tightening at the way the swell of your breasts are exposed through the flimsy material. The shape of your ass is outlined perfectly, enticing him even more.

He could get his revenge now. Force you face up and bully his cock into you, robbing you of your precious virginity. He’ll take pictures and post it on the internet, make you the laughing stock of the entire school and then get you expelled.

Quick and sweet.

But it doesn’t sit right with him. Thinking of someone else that wasn’t Mikey looking at you in a lewd manner made the vessels underneath his skin boil for some reason, but he doesn’t dwell on the thought further. Besides, it feels too cheap of a victory taking advantage of you without you fighting back. He likes the chase and adores the violence.

He wants to see the pure terror in your eyes as you realized you were trapped with him.

But now, he was going to do the opposite. He was going to be your comfort and ease you into him. He would dangle a carrot stick and lure you in. 

Then, he’ll use you to appease Mikey. And all will be well in the world again.

  YOU don’t understand your own self or feelings anymore.

You’ve never understood any of their feelings either, all the brothers, especially Izana. You always saw him as the violent one, prideful, like your own elder brother who had done nothing but hurt you. He was the more rotten brother who put his own needs over everyone else's. It was easier to put him in a box then and label him dangerous, to accept that Izana hated you and wanted to cause you pain and harm.

Now, it’s conflicting to say the least.

You had woken up in his arms, your body pressed against his bare chest and assumed the worst had happened. By his track record, who were you to say that he wouldn’t have done something to your unconscious body while you were out cold? Maybe you shouldn’t have taken the cough medication Kakucho had given you, how could you be so trusting of people that have done everything to hurt you?

With a shaky hand, you had checked for soreness between your thighs or a sticky like substance, expecting the worst outcome. This time, if he did anything to you, you were going to tell everybody. You would scream and you would tell Emma with no care if everyone will be angry at you again-

‘N-nothing? I feel… fine.’

The nightgown you wore was still intact, your legs weren’t sore or injured and there was nothing wet beneath your thighs. Izana had respected you enough not to touch you while you slept, him of all people. The guy who hurt you physically didn’t try to violate you in your sleep.

Guilt and relief nipped you in your heart at the time. Truly, Izana wanted to help you from the time he picked you from the bus stop, to when he hid you from his member’s prying eyes, even punishing them for looking at you. No wonder he got angry when you insinuated that he’d want to watch you change when he was trying to get you out of your wet clothes and run a bath for you.

You felt bad for assuming he wanted to hurt you. It was obvious he was trying to do right by you, and your reaction was to jump into conclusions, assuming the worst of the guy.

No wonder people hated you. At the core of his heart, Izana loves his family and you were driving one big wedge between them. On top of that, instead of listening to Yuzuha when she tried to tell you what you were doing wrong, you got angry about it, distancing yourself only to be a burden again.

They were right. You were the problem.

Eventually you both woke up fully and started your day. He had left the room for you to dress up, leaving some of Emma’s other clothes she kept behind on her visits for you. It was his room and he could have easily stayed behind to start his own day or pawned you off to his other members to deal with you now that you were okay. He could have kicked you out at the crack of dawn, with how ungrateful you were last night and left you to wait for the bus until God knows when.

Instead, he insisted you ate breakfast while he dressed up and took it upon himself to take you home.

The drive was silent, deftones playing from the speakers being the only source of sound saving you from the most awkward silence. Your gaze darted from your lap to his face, from his slightly furrowed brows that formed a crease in his forehead, to his empty purple eyes fixated on the road and to his clenched jaw. His grip on the steering wheel was tight, any harder and it would break in half-

“You’re staring too much. It’s distracting.”

Heat flooded your body; you must have been so obvious that he caught you without taking his eyes off the road. “Sorry.” You replied meekly, looking down to your lap.

You don’t expect him to swerve into an alleyway, your body jerking harshly as he slammed the brakes and parked in a secluded spot, the seatbelt preventing you from slamming your face head first in the dashboard, keeping you anchored in your seat.

“What the -"

“This morning,” he cut you short, unbothered by his sudden recklessness or your fear as your life flashed before your very eyes. “You were checking whether I raped you, right?”

Oh no. He must have been aware of when you felt your body up and down for any signs of sexual abuse. “I-i” you started to explain yourself, but he put his hand up to stop you from talking. “Don’t explain yourself. I don’t want to hear it.” He snapped angrily. “It’s a yes or no question, answer.”

You bit your lip in distress, wishing that the earth would just swallow you whole. How you managed to get Izana pissed off at you this early in the morning, in his car, in the middle of nowhere is beyond your own understanding.

“Y-yes”

You gulped as he switched off the CD player, engulfing you both in silence. It only got worse as he turned his attention back to you, his eyes burning with anger.

“I should have left you to rot out there. You’d be safer catching pneumonia than me ever helping you out again.”

“I’m sorry-”

“You’re very ungrateful.” he spat out. “I know I’m a bad person but the least you could have done was thank me. I had every right to leave you under the rain, do you know the amount of damage you’ve caused because you couldn’t stop to think to yourself ‘what if I hurt others?’ My siblings have called me a bastard child on two separate occasions because of you!”

Your heart felt like tearing into pieces at his words, the hurt behind his voice seeping through. Was that why he was always so angry at you? That his siblings remind him of his status as an adopted relative when it involves issues concerning you.

That was cruel of them, even someone like Izana shouldn’t be told that.

“I-i had no idea, I didn’t know-”

“How would you know?” He cuts you off again, his voice bitter. “It’s always about you. Always about protecting you and being nice to you. Stopping you from sleeping with people. I’m always expected to refine my actions around you. I’ve cut my time with Emma and I let Mikey get away with insulting me because they both love you. It’s so easy for them to love you, but hard to love me. Do you think it’s fair?”

‘What have I done?’

You’re in tears now, clearly distressed at his words, at his hurt, the way he bit his lip, tears threatening to fall from his purple eyes. Now you understand Yuzuha’s actions fully. You understand Izana’s frustration fully too, being put at the bottom in terms of love and affection. He was just a broken man who wanted the best for everyone, only to be given the short end of the stick.

And being adopted must be harder. Always feeling like he has to prove himself. He has to be better, act more mature, do better or he’ll lose their love and be abandoned, alone. You know where he is coming from, you understand his anger.

“I’m sorry” you whimpered, humbled by his pain. You wanted to take it away and give him peace. Yes he hurt you in the past, but you know now that it came from a place of pain and not malice. “I’m so sorry Izana. I was out of line. I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Anything I can-”

“Forget it. Just clean your face and forget it.”

He started the engine again and continued the journey to your dorm. The rest of the journey is solemn, lots of unspoken words hanging in the air between the two of you. You want to reach out to him, to tell him you’re sorry for hurting him and making him do horrible things just to get his family’s attention again. You want to hug him and tell him you understand how hard it was to constantly be searching for approval, only to have it be hung over your head. It wasn’t either of your faults.You could just apologize, forgive each other after so much pain and move on.

But he doesn’t give you the opportunity to speak anymore. You can’t blame him.

Eventually the car stopped at your dorm and you unbuckle your seatbelt, ready to leave. “Thanks” you muttered, genuinely grateful. You know it takes a lot to be kind to someone that has been your source of pain for a long time, especially for someone as vengeful as Izana. “And for what is worth, I apologize deeply. I never meant to hurt you.” You added, taking your school bag from the back seat.

He doesn’t respond or even looks at you. The second you leave his car, he drives off, leaving you standing there with a broken heart and guilty conscience, before walking to your dorm room.

You tried to clear your head from the thoughts plaguing you. You skipped classes for today, opting to rest after draining yourself throughout yesterday and just clear your head. You needed space, at least to understand yourself and everything that has happened.

A few hours later, there’s a knock on your door. You quickly make your way to open it, thinking it was your estranged roommate whom you haven’t seen for weeks. You don’t expect a large bouquet of orange flowers being shoved in your face, the striking petals tickling your nostrils.

“You must be (name) right?” The florist questions, her lips quivering into a smile that seems too bright to be real. “These are for you. They’re orange lilies”

You took them off from her hands, still confused at the action. Who could send you flowers so randomly? You plucked the note between the flowers, opening it carefully, revealing a note, with some directions at the back.

“See you at the Bacchanalia?” You read out, confusion laced in your tone. “Make sure to go to these locations to prepare for that day. I’ll be waiting 9pm sharp, signed anon?”

“Oh, the sender said he’d like to be anonymous too, just that he’s a guest attending this year’s bacchanalia and he wants to see you there.” the florist added cheerily. “Seems romantic, hmm? Someone must really like you to have convinced Mr. Kurokawa to send you a V.I.P invite.”

“I don’t understand-” you started sputtering. “I’m not an el-”

“Oh, I still have invites to give. See ya.”

She slammed the door in your face, leaving you to decipher who the heck this person was. It would clearly not be Izana or Mikey, right? Since you’re sure Mikey is mad at you and Izana is sick of your presence. Emma doesn’t want you there either, so there is that.

Who could it be?

You dropped the bouquet in a large jug you long abandoned before, filling it with water from the tap before putting it on your window sill. “Maybe if I check the internet on what the flower means, it might be a clue. These look really gorgeous.”

You muttered, picking up your phone, googling the meaning of the orange lily.

“Huh? Courage.” That’s nice” 

You were about to scroll up for more answers when another person knocked on your door. You closed the tab and opened up to see your R.A, Makoto who had come to question you on why you hadn’t returned to the hostel last night.

The conversation lasted too long and you soon forgot about the thing you were doing.

 “Probably wasn’t important anyways.”

   MIKEY’S favorite fairytale was cinderella.

His mother always told the story of a peasant girl who all she wanted was a night away from her step family to dance at the ball but had nothing to wear. And then a fairy godmother appeared before her and gave her a dress and shoes and a ride to the ball, transforming her into the most beautiful maiden at the party.

It’s why he thinks Izana did this intentionally.

He has to admit, his brother had a sense of style that could not be easily matched. The blue dress was angelic, complimenting your figure, especially your ample breasts. The white sashes and ruffles was exquisite, complemented with a set of pearl necklace that brought out your eyes. Even your perm was so well done, a little band adorning your head. Your make up was light, but enhanced your softness, making your pretty eyes pop. The longer Mikey stares, the faster his heart beats and the more his body aches for you. God, he misses you so damn much, he missed your scent, that smile you’re wearing now as you’re greeting Haitani Ran.

And most of all, he missed your body.

If only you hadn’t slept with his elder brother, you would be so perfect. A pretty face with evil in your heart.

Mikey is so entranced by your beauty, his mouth hanging open as you alighted the stairs, he doesn’t notice Izana walking up behind him, leaning down a little to whisper into the younger man’s ear.

“You like your present? I told you she would come.”

Mikey choked on his drink, nearly spilling the wine glass in his hand all over his trousers, barely missing as it sloshed all over the floor. He swiveled his head towards his smirking elder brother.

The blonde opens his mouth to speak but finds himself at loss for words.

He owed Izana a huge apology. It really was out of his hands when it came to you. All along, you were the temptress, selling yourself to whomever can take care of you at that point in time.

“So she took the bait huh?” Mikey whispered back, his eyes darting from his brother to you, lingering on your figure as you gracefully walked towards their direction. “You were right about her. It really wasn’t Shin’s fault after all.”

“It’s such a shame.” Izana shrugged. “I knew from day one she’d fuck anyone that can get her ahead. But she makes you happy. It’s her you want, isn’t it?”

Mikey felt his throat clog up at Izana’s question. Ever since that day, he has never heard one word from you. You never gave him an excuse as to why you were ignoring him and you never even bothered to tell him what you had done with his brother. As if what the both of you had between each other never even mattered in the first place.

As if he didn’t matter.

“I know you respected her sanctity, Mikey.” He whispered in his brother’s ear, his words cutting deep in his heart. “You never broke her virginity because you knew how much it meant to her. You fought me over her because I put my hands on her. Hell, you fought Shinichiro over her. Do you know what that means?”

As much as he wanted to reject his brother’s words, there’s a part of his heart that agreed with him.

“You’re in love with her and she treats you like shit. She thinks she can do whatever she wants.” Izana stated, now trailing his eyes to you, not too far off chatting with the older Haitani. Mikey could feel his temper tip over when he sees you smile at Ran and the long haired male touch your fucking arm.

“So which is it, Mikey? Are you going to keep punishing yourself, suffering with dark impulses of what you want? Or are we both going to address the problem?”

Izana pulled away from him, a hand patting his younger brother’s shoulder. “Midnight, she’ll be in my room. Not like anyone would believe her if she said she was assaulted at a sex party."

The last comment awakened something in Mikey. All the vile and violent thoughts that he had kept under wraps, that he had pushed at the back of his mind scratched at their jail cells, screaming to be let out.

Tonight, it would be acceptable to make you see his dark side. And you have no one but yourself to blame.

  YOU’VE never seen Tenjiku look so majestic before.

The design is beautiful, each tier having their unique theme. The VIP tier looked like a dream come through, low level lighting from the expensive fairy lights, to the gilded streamers hanging over the ceiling, the fancy butlers serving drinks to the creme a la creme of the school, people you would never approach directly with how many guards usually surrounded them.

It was just so beautiful. A far cry from the way it looked just a few days ago.

You’re in awe that you don’t realize everyone is staring at you, either in shock or moreso, admiration. The music doesn’t do well to hide the murmurs flying by you as you waltzed through the VIP theater, looking for the person who invited you.

“Is that (name) (last name)? Here?”

“The good Christian girl who follows Emma Sano like a lost dog? Yeah. But lately she hasn’t even been with Emma. Word on the street says they’re fighting.”

“She cleans up nicely, fuck, she’s pretty.”

“I wonder who invited her? Does she know what goes on in these kinds of parties?”

“I heard from someone that Izana is trying to please Emma really hard and that’s why she’s here-”

You’re deaf to the comments, too focused on looking for the person who sent you the letter but to no avail. “They said I should meet them here by nine pm but they’re nowhere to be found. They should have recognized me by now”

After searching for a few more minutes, you decided to just find anyone with a familiar face and stay with them instead until you found your real date. Lucky, you catch sight of the older Haitani brother, mumbling about the drinks and making your way to him in quick strides.

“(Name)?” Ran said, his purple eyes scanning your outfit from your hair, down to your shoes before giving a smirk of approval. “What a pleasure to see you here. You look gorgeous as always. Blue is really your color.”

You smile in return at his compliment, Ran was always very nice to you, ever since the incident, although you rarely saw him, when you did, he made sure to ask how you were doing and sometimes got you something to eat with him.

“Thank you.” You replied. “You look amazing too. I love the outfits. Plus your hair looks great in a man bun.”

“You think so?” He asked, touching your arm subconsciously. “Rindou said my hair is shit and I should cut it.”

You imagined it briefly, Ran with short hair and laughed it off. He wouldn’t look bad with it. “I think you’d rock any hairstyle you have on”

“You’re a saint. Truly.” he shook his head before asking you a nagging question. “Anyways, how come you got invited? Emma never mentioned anything about using her status to invite you.”

‘Wait, what?’

What did he mean by using her status to invite you? “I thought invites are only done by Izana strictly.” you questioned, clearly confused. That was what Emma and her friends told you at least and you believed them, not pressing the matter further.

“Well, yeah.” Ran shrugged his shoulders, unknowingly hammering the nail in the coffin for Emma. “but Emma and Mikey can invite at least one person of their choice and since Draken was already invited, I thought Emma would bring you here.”

Oh.

Emma had presented it as if she had no choice in inviting anyone, vehemently reminding you that her hands were tied and her telling you “you wouldn’t enjoy the party anyways” repeatedly. You would have been fine if she just told you that she didn’t want you to come in the first place, but why go through all that just to lie.

“Speak of the devil-”

The universe must hate you with how accurate the timing was seeing her. She looked breath-taking, her white dress adorned with stones, coupled with her jeweled gloves and her shiny neck choker necklace. Her makeup is smeared and she’s stumbling a bit, a dumb smile etched on her face, with Draken’s arm on her waist steadying her, lipstick stains over his neck and cheeks.

She doesn’t notice you staring at her until Draken points in your direction. Her smile is wiped from her face instantly and she whispers something to him, before pulling away. You watch as she practically storms towards you, her hand immediately clasping around your wrist and dragging you away from Ran without a word.

You don’t fight against her vice-like grip as she drags you into one of Tenjiku’s free bathrooms and locks the door instantly. You stumble when she lets you go, yellow eyes blazing with pure anger.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

A part of you wants to cave in. Dig a hole and bury your head in the sand just to please her. If you bat your lashes and be meek, maybe she’ll forgive you for whatever transgression you must have committed against her, even if you don’t know your sin.

But a bigger part of you feels cheated. Why would she lie to you for something as little as this?

You open your mouth to say what is on your mind only for her to raise a hand up, interrupting you completely as she takes out her phone. “Y'know what? I don’t care. I’m calling a cab to take you back to your dorm room.”

Your fists balled at your side as she started calling an uber to take you home. Great, here she was treating you like a dumb child again, as if you couldn’t make independent decisions yourself.

You’re not letting her do this to you. Not without an explanation first.

“You lied to me.” You spat out, every fiber of your being shaking as you called her out. “You lied to me about everything!”

“And so what?” Emma shot back at you mid type, putting the phone by her side to face you now, her pretty face scrunched up in irritation. “Of course I had to lie to you, you looked so upset because you weren’t invited-”

“And you could have fixed that by inviting me to the actual party instead of making me watch you guys giggle and laugh about buying new clothes for the party!” You said exasperated, trying to explain your side of the issue. “I felt left out Emma to the point I distanced myself because I felt like I was being a downer. What you did to me was not fair-”

“Do you even know what a Bacchanalia is in the first place? Do you know what we do here that you’re so eager and desperate to come?” she screeched, shutting you up effectively. “We drink, we smoke, we do drugs, we have fucking orgies! I just came from one right now! This is not a place for someone like you. Girls like you here, from fucking poor homes get taken advantage of and that’s what whoever invited you want to do with you!”

“But-”

“Any other party, I’d baby you and keep an eye on you. But just this once, I want to just have fun with my boyfriend instead of acting like your mother”

“Oh great, another development you didn’t tell me about.” you snapped, almost at the verge of tears. So she finally got Draken to ask her out and she never told you, after months of crying about her ups and downs of her relationship, months of you comforting her. “And you don’t need to baby me, I can handle myself just FINE-”

“Fucking my two brothers behind their backs doesn’t make you some kind of sex goddess that can handle an orgy-”

The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop herself. You stared at her in shock, your mouth hanging agape. A look of horror crossed her face too, realizing she had gone too far mentioning your past escapades that she wasn’t supposed to know about.

“You knew.” It was a statement, not a question, the weight of those words being the hammer to the last nail of a coffin, in it lying your friendship with Emma.

“I’m not the only one who keeps secrets it seems.”

You don’t say anything as Emma puts her phone away, her gaze hardening at you. The guilt and shame of what you had done slapped back into your face hard. You couldn’t say you didn’t deserve it, if anything, everything that just happened, from her unbothered nature when you began to distance yourself, down to lying to you about the party and not telling you anything about her dating Draken, made sense.

Full circle, it falls back to you. This was your fault.

“If anything happens to you, I told you so.”

With that, she walked past you, bumping her shoulder against yours and leaving you alone in the stall.

You stay there for another hour, your back against the wall, head raised up to control the tears threatening to fall down your face. You had just lost your friend, the one person that truly cared for you simply because you were never honest with her. You’ve never felt so foolish, what did you think would happen? That life would move on and everyone would be cool with what you had done? That someone else wouldn’t have found out?

“Oh, (name)? You’re crying?”

You jumped up at Senju standing beside you, her red glitter dress illuminated by the white light. She smells strange, like the weed Emma smoked sometimes when she was stressed. As usual, Senju looked very beautiful, unapproachable and powerful with her striking red lips and sharp cut eyeliner. You feel like a little kid standing next to a proper adult, lost, with zero to no experience about life.

“How long have you been standing here?”

“Well, I was fucking someone in the stall” Senju admitted crassly, a dangerous glint in her eyes as she stared you up and down. “But I kinda heard everything. Sorry.”

At least she was honest with you. “I-it’s fine.” You sniffled. “Y-you must think I’m a whore too right?”

Senju scoffed, rolling her eyes. “It’s just two guys. You’re much more guilty of having bad taste in men, you can do so much better than Mikey’s insane self.”

“Damn straight.”

Your mouth fell open as Hinata emerged from the toilet, the strap of her silver dress out of place. You looked at the red kiss marks on Hinata’s neck and then at Senju’s red lipstick, putting two and two together.

“Did you two? But you’re dating -”

“He knows.” Hinata said dismissively, readjusting her strap. “After all, there’s no holds barred for the Bacchanalia. He’s probably having fun with Mikey in the other bathroom.”

“At least it’s not Emma… like last time. It was a mess. Draken almost killed him.”

Your lips fell open at Senju’s comment, absolutely floored. The two girls bursted laughed at your expression, tears nearly falling from their eyes. “Oh don’t look like that.” Hinata teased. “Our friend group is very… interesting to say the least.”

You gulped at what she was implying. Interesting is one word to describe it.

The two girls giggled at your naive expression again, then turned back to you. “You know, instead of moping here, we can just have fun and get to know each other right.” Senju suggested, batting her lashes at you. “Might as well make the most of it, right? You’re already here anyways.”

Yeah. You were already here with the expensive dress and make up that your donor had given you. Going back would just be a waste of money and you don’t want to stand up to the person who got you these things if they do eventually seek you out.

And you’d have fun, right? Maybe kiss a person or two just to feel mature.

“Yeah”

What could possibly go wrong?

You let them drag you out of the bathroom and back to the VIP spot. The music had become more upbeat while you were gone and people had started dancing with each other. You were about to join in when Hinata suddenly grabbed at your hand, dragging you backwards.

“Wha-”

“You don’t go to the dance floor sober, silly.” She laughed, hailing a server holding a bottle of wine and five glasses. Senju quickly picked the bottle and a glass, uncorking the drink with her teeth with a loud pop. Hinata selected a free glass, before gesturing at you. “Come on, pick a glass.”

“But I’ve never drank before-”

“Oh don’t be such a downer (name).” Senju goaded, pouring a drink in her own glass and handing it over to you, pushing it between your fingers. “It’s just a lil alcohol.”

You looked at the liquid in your hand suspiciously, and then back at the two girls who had already downed their drinks in seconds, pouring themselves another glass. With a sigh, you lift the cup to your plush lips, downing the drink as quickly as possible, ignoring the bitter taste and burning sensation until you swallow it.

“There we go!”

“Good girl”

You downed two more glasses until you began to feel a strange buzz, your head felt so heavy. The two others giggled, helping you drop your wine glass and dragging you towards the dance floor, your body being sandwiched between the two of them.

“I love this song!”

You don’t remember anything else after that.

  “WHERE am I?”

Your head hurts. 

The last thing you remember was being sandwiched between Senju and Hinata, grinding and bumping with them until you blacked out. There was an audience, watching your every move, but the faces are far too blurry for you to recall very well.

“Must have overdid it for my first time.” You muttered to yourself, blinking hard at how tired you were feeling currently. Was it supposed to make you feel so dizzy and weak? Or make your arms feel like lead?

It didn’t matter. You should probably check the time and get back to the party. You still hadn’t found the mysterious person who sent you that bouquet so that you could thank them for everything.

You attempted to raise your arm to search for your phone, but it didn’t budge. You tried raising your other arm but it doesn’t move either, as if it was restrained by something.

“My arms. I can’t move my arms!”

Panic fills your gut the moment you become aware of the leather cuff holding your arms behind your back. Whatever drowsiness you felt before from waking up was gone, leaving you at high alert as the reality of your situation dawned onto you.

You were in a dark room. Alone and restrained. That is not a good sign.

You frantically try to undo the clasp, clip - whatever the hell was holding your arms behind your back, all to no avail - only succeeding in chafing your hand painfully, so you did the next thing you could think of that might help you.

“HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME! HELP!”

You screamed at the top of your voice, wiggling  around on the plush bed as you continued any attempt to help you escape. You hoped that maybe your voice would be loud enough to attract the attention of anyone that might be in the hallway.

No answer.

‘Stay calm.’ You whispered to yourself, trying your best to breathe deeply. You need to think critically instead of panicking on your next plan of action if no one comes for you. Maybe you could roll off the bed and crawl until you get to the door, slamming your entire weight on it until it gave-

You’re forced out of your thoughts as you hear footsteps approach the room. Relief washed over you as you heard the locks of the door turn; someone must have heard you scream and is coming to your rescue-

You're brought out of your thoughts as the door opens, revealing Izana. You sat up, quick thank you’s spilling from your lips at your supposed savior as the white haired man approached you with an unreadable expression on his face, climbing on top of you until his knees were at either sides of your waist.

Perhaps if you were more sensitive, you would have realized what was coming next was far from rescue

“Thank you so much I-”

A pained cry leaves your throat as Izana’s flat palm hand makes harsh contact with your face, the loud twack echoing throughout the room. The blow knocks you flat on your back, your cheek stinging raw. His hand grabbed at your chin, nails digging into your skin hard as he forced your mouth open, squeezing your cheeks to keep them parted.

Your eyes widened as he gathered saliva in his mouth and spat into your own. Repulsed, you immediately spat it back in his face without a second thought. The look of disgust on his face was priceless, and for a brief moment, you thought that he would take the hint and let you go.

Instead, you’re met with another violent slap across your other cheek.

The room spins for a full minute, your vision doubles and your ears ring loudly. A whimper leaves your lips, the stinging pain leaving both your cheeks raw.

“You’re lucky I took off my rings for you. I’m not that nice to other girls when I hit them.”

You tremble as he lowers his hands on your cheek, his touch a gentle caress this time around, soothing the pain he inflicted on you. “W-what are you doing? Is this some kind of joke?” You cried out, confused. Was this some kind of sick prank that they’re playing on you? You wouldn’t be surprised if it was, with how twisted their sense of humor is. “It’s not funny Izana. You’re hurting me please-”

“A joke?” He cuts you off with a mocking tone, his grin becoming wider. A foreboding sense of dread settled at the bottom of your chest as he chuckled darkly, still stroking your face. “God, you’re so painfully naïve and stupid, it hurts me.” A shiver ran down your spine at his words. “By the way, didn’t anyone tell you not to take drinks from strangers?”

“B-but I-i didn’t. They were from Senju-” Truly, you didn’t. All your drinks were fed to you by Senju and Hinata, and you trusted them to at least protect your drink-

He bursted into a fit of laughter again, finding the entire situation hilarious. “You trusted Senju? The girl that runs a prostitution ring?” He laughed again, dragging his hands down to your legs. You trashed against his vice like grip, kicking your legs as he spread them wide, revealing the blue lace panties underneath to his greedy eyes. “Fuck, I knew I was right to pick this one out. Blue’s really your color.”

Your eyes widened in realization, the pieces falling together. The flowers, the salon, the waxing appointment, everything was just to lead you right back to his bed. He groomed you, cleaned you up just to serve you on a platter for his own consumption.

He never cared about your apology because he had already made up his mind.

Izana was going to rape you.

You can’t let that happen. You cannot let him do this to you.

You stifle a moan as he circles his clothed crotch against yours, heart pounding against your chest feeling his large bulge tease your pussy through the layers of clothing. A groan escapes his lips with each movement, head falling forwards as he pressed himself harder, until he could feel your clit through the lace and started grinding on you.

Your body jolts at the constant stimulation and you had to bite your lip to keep quiet, not wanting to give him any reason to think you want this; Nothing much has happened and yet your body keeps betraying you, your panties growing wetter with how good he was rubbing your sensitive nub.

“You can bite your lips to hide your moans, I won’t stop you.” He mocked between pants, circling his hips faster to buttress the point he was making. Embarrassment floods your entire body, the cool fluids soaking through your panties and forming a patch on his jeans as he rubbed you faster. “But your body wants this. You’re so wet from me barely touching you, you must really want to be fu-.”

You quickly sat up as the door flew open again, halting Izana in his movements. Relief floods your chest the moment you see Mikey at the doorway, staring at the two of you. As much as he’s hurt you, you know he wouldn’t force you to sleep with him and he can talk Izana into letting you go if you begged him for help.

You’ve never been so glad to see him ever. After this, you’ll apologize for ignoring him. Hell, you’ll even be his girlfriend, just anything to stop Izana.

“Manjiro-” you started to plead your case. “Izana is trying to ra-”

“You’ve started without me?”

For the second time today, you watched your hope ripped to shreds before your very eyes. Dread filled your gut as Manjiro slammed the door shut, twisting the lock completely and placing the key on one of the large sofas in the room. Izana turned his attention to his brother, brows furrowed in annoyance. “You’re late.” He snapped. “I told you midnight and this is past 1.”

“I had to make sure Emma was okay.” he said, making his way to the large king size bed in the middle of the room “She had a bad trip and some guy tried to feel her up while she was high. I had to stay with her while Ken-chin beat the fucker up.”

“Alright, fair enough.”

Your heart dropped Mikey turned his gaze to you with a frown on his lips. “You’re still clothed?” He clicked his tongue. “Izana, you wasted your money. A cheap whore like you doesn’t deserve to wear anything this pretty.”

Anger rose to your throat at his insult, and just at the entire situation in general. Was he doing this because he found out about you sleeping with Shinichiro? Is that it? “I’m not a whore! Don’t ever call me a whore again! You get to sleep with multiple girls and harrass me-”

A shriek left your lips as Izana’s palm comes in contact with your face again, silencing you completely. Hot tears dotted your lash line, but you held it in, not wanting to give them the satisfaction of crying, despite the searing pain spreading throughout your face.

“Who the hell do you think you are to talk to my little brother like that?” Izana growled at you. “Mikey, you have spoiled her too much. Not even Senju talks to either of us that way.”

“I thought I was being nice.” You watch him climb on the bed properly, sitting with his legs spread out wide. “Turn her over, I’ll put her filthy mouth to good use.”

You’re swiftly spun around on your knees, face nestled near Mikey’s crotch. You feel Izana’s presence behind you, his hard on pressed on your asscheek. Before your very eyes, Mikey fumbled with his belt buckle and zipper, before tugging down his boxers, letting his fat cock slap your cheek hard.

“Suck”

You refused, clamping your mouth shut as you turned your head away from it. You’re going to make this as difficult as possible until they grow tired of you and let you go. You’ve never done this before and you don’t plan on giving him any pleasure out of your free will.

“So that’s how you want to behave? Alright.”

You bit back a scream as Mikey’s hand grabbed your permed hair tight, yanking you until you were directly in front of his cock. Izana pinched your nose tight making you open your mouth to breathe. The hand on your hair forced you down onto his cock, burying it until your nose hit his pelvis and the tip was far down your throat, completely forcing through your gag reflex.

“Fuck,” Mikey cursed underneath his breath, your gagging making his dick throb inside your hot mouth rapidly, nearly cumming instantly at how good you felt. “Her mouth, it’s fucking warm shit-”

Spittle drips down your mouth, smearing the lipstick all over your face as you gagged against him. Your brain nearly turned to mush with how hard his hand gripped onto your poor hair. You struggled to breathe, choking on the foreign appendage hurting your poor throat.

‘Don’t cry. Don’t cry-’

Izana doesn’t help matters either, the moment he released your nose, his hands gripped your ass again, grinding his bulge into you. He must have dragged down his own trousers, and left himself only in his boxers, his own cock curving towards your clit as he grinds on it.

Once Mikey regained control of himself, he experimentally thrusts into your mouth, making you gag on his cock helplessly and earning low whimper from him. Keeping your head in place, Mikey thrusts his hips steadily, bullying his member into your wet, tight thoat, silent ‘f-fuck’ and ‘so good’ spilling out of his lips, his head thrown back on the headboard in ecstacy. 

You’re so preoccupied with trying not to throw up while he increases his pace and struggling to breathe against his hairy pelvis, you momentarily forget that Izana is behind you until you feel his two hands grab the hem of your panties.

“You feel good Mikey?” Izana asked, smirking at the way the blond was bucking into your mouth like a wild animal in heat. Mikey let out a shaky ‘yes’, before thrusting into your mouth faster, making you retch, your hands clenching hard behind your back. Satisfied at the answer, Izana peeled off the underwear slowly, his eyes darkening at how wet you were, webbed like slick coating your bare pussy. 

“Holy fuck, you ARE a slut. Look at how wet you are.” he exclaimed, using two large fingers to gather the slick. Shame creeps up on you at how badly your own body is betraying you so much, reacting to everything they’re doing. As if it’s a good thing. You just want to crawl in a hole and disappear, never to be seen again-

Two fingers force their way past your ring of muscles, stretching you out instantly. Your eyes widened, a strangled cry leaving your mouth at the sudden intrusion. The vibration sends electricity from his cock, up to his spine and brain, causing him to nearly black out for a moment with how fucking good it felt.

That feeling. Fuck, at this point he wants to cum from that feeling.

“ ‘Zana -oh fuck yeah- don’t stop what you just did to her. Do it again.”

“Say please.”

Izana halted his movement instantly, leaving his fingers inside. Your body trembled, nearly frustrated at how he wasn’t moving or doing anything, just keeping them stagnant, making your body ache for more. Mikey wasn’t faring any better, tears of frustration dotting his lower lash line as he rocked his hips into your snug mouth, staring at his smug older brother, 100 percent serious.

“Please, ‘Zana, please, please-”

He continued his movements instantaneously, his fingers moving fast and hard. Your loud moans reverberated around Mikey’s cock, sending waves of hot pleasure throughout his body. Izana curled his fingers into you hard, making quick work of playing with your inner walls, the squelching noises, bouncing off Mikey’s loud whimpers throughout the room.

“Taking my fingers like the slut you are.” Izana spat, coupling it with a harsh slap to your ass. Your hole twitched instantly, tightening around his digits much to your horror and to his delight. “I’m beginning to think you like being treated like this.” He lands another harsh blow to your ass, conforming his theory as your body reacted positively, sucking his finger in deeper and looking back at his younger brother. “Mikey, she likes this. She likes being treated like whore. Her cunt sucks my finger in anytime I slap her ass”

You quickly lock eyes with the man in front of you, attempting to try and deny it, muffling a ‘no. It’s not true’, but he only smirks back at you, his eyes never leaving yours as he concurs with his brother.

“Knew i-it…” He moaned. “I can feel her moaning everytime. It’s obvious she loves i- ah uhn- she loves cock. That’s why she messed around with Shin-”

‘N-no’ you want to scream in defense of yourself. ‘That-that’s not what happened-’

Your mind numbs as Izana finally hits your g-spot after teasing it for so long, a loud moan reverberating all over Mikey’s member in your mouth. You lose control of your body all too quickly as Izana curls into it fast, his fingers working in tandem with Mikey’s trusts.

You’re a mess. Against your wish, you’re a drooling mess on Mikey’s cock, your mascara running down your face along with the tears of being face fucked, your throat on fire. Your body keeps betraying you as Izana brings you towards an approaching orgasm, as if he wants you to cum along with Mikey.

Sick.

“Close, make her cum with me ‘Zana,” he begged, his hips stuttering, close to orgasm. “Please I want to cum with her-”

“Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you. Focus on yourself.”

You feel sick, controlling the urge to throw up all over Mikey’s cock at the entire arrangement. The two of them are sick in the head. This isn’t a normal behavior between two brothers-

Your thoughts are cut off, Izana pressing deep against your g spot quickly, abusing it and tethering you closer to the edge, the familiar feeling of a rather tighter coil winding up in your stomach. Uncontrollable moans echo around Mikey’s cock, adding to his impending orgasm, his body tensing up as he fucked into your mouth faster than before.

“S-shit”

Hot, bitter semen shoots into your mouth and down your throat, much to your dismay, a low groan escaping his lips. Your body trembled, spraying clear like substance, coating Izana’s hand and clothes and your thighs.

“What the fuck?” Izana cursed. “You squirter too? You’re just full of surprises today aren’t ya?”

Mikey pulled his cock out of your mouth, catching his breath as he let go of your hair. Boneless, you fall to the bed, pain exploding in your scalp and jaw. Your throat is raw, even the action of whimpering is a tedious task.

“Let me see.”

You’re lifted off Mikey’s lap and Izana shifts from your back simultaneously, exchanging their positions. You come face to face with Izana now, his slicked back hair messed up and out of place. He smirked at you just as Mikey positioned his mouth right over your pussy, dark eyes drinking up the sight of your wetness.

The tanned male looks down at you, reveling in the terror in your eyes as he takes out his long cock, fully erect and taps it against your lips. “Say Ahh.” He mocked and you begrudgingly compiled, not wanting to deal with another blow to your face. You slowly engulfed him into your mouth, taking him inch by inch until you reached a comfortable length.

“Is something wrong with you?”

You looked up at him, confused at his statement. What did you do now-

Your eyes widened as he grabbed the back of your head and forced his cock down your throat once again, a groan escaping his lips at the feeling of your tight throat around him.  “Much better, that’s what I want.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks again, his pace slower than his brother’s as he fucked into your mouth, punching the back of your throat. His positioning of your head forced you to look at him in the face, watching as his brows pinched tight, purple eyes gazing at you mockingly. You feel dirty, helpless as he uses your mouth to get off. “Your mouth feels so good.” He swears under his breath, his cock pulsating in your mouth. “Bet you’re having fun huh? Finally getting the treatment you fucking deserve.”

You want to cry. Maybe if you apologize to them, they’ll stop. Was it the Emma thing? Was it Shinichiro? What did you do to them this time?

Your thoughts are silenced, jolting as a hand pinches your nub. Forced moans escaped your lips as Mikey drags his tongue over your wet folds. The vibrations of your mouth goes straight to Izana’s shaft and he jerks his hips hard into your mouth

“Fuck. Mikey- I think she likes that- ugh fuck-”

Mikey delves in deeper inside your hole with his tongue, thumb rubbing lazy 8’s over your poor clit. The feeling of your wet pussy clenching and trembling all over his tongue, your thighs quivering at the intensity drives him crazy. Izana bites his lip at how responsive you were, your warm mouth vibrating with garbles and moans, sending electricity throughout his body. He loves this view, your mouth stretched out wide, drooling and slobbering all over his dick, eyes teary from the stretch, nearly glossed over with how good your body feels.

He can see the humiliation in your eyes. Good. It turned him on the more.

Mikey loves your taste, one hand playing with your clit and his mouth latched over your hole, slurping and licking your plush walls. “Sweet” he murmured, feeling his cock go half mast at how delicious he thinks you are. He finds your trembling thighs cute, loving how good he makes you feel as you gush over his tongue. Your clit is hot to his touch but his hand is hotter, desperately rubbing you faster, just eager to have you cum for him so that he can taste more of you.

Your eyes watered with how intense you were feeling, the pleasure and pain nearly overwhelming you all at once. ‘Can’t. Stay, stay awake’ you repeated like a mantra. If you pass out, you won’t be able to at least talk yourself out of any further assault, you need to be awake to beg them to stop.

That is, if they would listen to you.

Your body writhes as an orgasm washes over you, choking out muffled moans on Izana’s cock. Mikey pulled away, his chin practically drenched in your fluids and eyes crossed over. You hear the zipper of your dress roll down and your dress falls down to your waist, revealing your bare back to the blonde behind you to attack with hot, messy kisses. Each kiss is coupled with his teeth breaking skin in your back, making you arch in pain, before surrounding his lips and tongue on the hurt area, sucking on it. Marking you.

Your attention is brought back to Izana as he yanks your head off his dick with one hand, msking you cough and sputter, your throat burning in pain from how rough he had been fucking you and grabbing his shaft in the other, jerking it in three pumps, growling as spurts of cum decorate your face and neck.

“That’s for spitting on my face.”

He releases your head and you fall face flat on the bed, still coughing and sputtering as he pulls himself off you and leaves the bed briefly. His footsteps echo throughout the room until he reaches his drawer, taking something out of it before walking back up to Mikey and you. The blond man pulled away from you - making you drop flat on your stomach, weak from having to stay in the kneeling position and, climbing off the bed, whispering something to each other that you couldn’t hear.

You use the opportunity to catch your breath, gathering your thoughts. You attempt to open your mouth when you feel the bed creak behind you again, a hand encircling around your waist and forcing you in a face down, ass up position.

A chill runs down your spine when a fluid substance is poured between your buttcrack.

“Wait, wait-"

A pained gasp emanated from your lips as two fingers forcefully pushed past your muscular rings and deep into your ass, spreading you apart. Your hands form fists behind you, nails digging into your palms as you drew blood.

“Told you she can take it.”

 Izana leaned over you until his breath hit your ears, his fingers pumping deep in your ass with well timed thrust. His tongue darts over the shell of your ear, dragging the hot muscle down your ear to the crevice, making you whimper with forced pleasure. Mikey feels his cock stir from watching the filthy sight, slowly but surely shedding his clothes off to join the both of you in bed, ready to fuck you after so many months of playing around.

There’s just something about watching Izana touch you that gets him going. He’s used to sharing everything with him, despite how different they were; birthdays, attention, at some point rooms. But being able to share someone, a person with Izana, despite how oddly possessive the both of them were was like a dream come true.

Maybe he understands now why he loves you so much. Izana is selfish, but is willing to let both of them have you. You made it possible for them to reach an agreement, without fighting over who gets to have you first.

And maybe Izana doesn’t notice it yet, but it’s more than just hatred pushing him to do this. It's a desire. And Mikey is fine with that. Izana comes first before you and he’ll gladly tear you apart to please his brother.

Completely naked, Mikey joins you on the bed, moving his body in front of you. Izana helps him raise your figure up, holding you up for Mikey to admire. Dark eyes scan your body, from your teary face with makeup running along your face, to your neck, swollen with hickeys from both him and Izana, down to your exposed breasts, nipples perked up. You’re struggling to form the words ‘s-stop’, your eyes crossed as the pain from the anal fingering has translated into pleasure.

His hands grabbed your boobs, massaging the soft tissue roughly, making you tremble underneath his touch, adding to the pleasure of his brother’s tongue playing with your ear. Mikey lowered his head to one of your tits, engulfing one into his mouth and the other with his hand, his tongue circling around your nipple, a satisfied moan escaping his lips. Izana added another finger, making you scream and trash around their grip, working you open for him.

“Too much, stop, stop it!” You cried, struggling against your restraint. Your body was too sensitive, everything either hurt too much or felt too good, clouding your sense of judgment bit by bit. “Stop touching me-”

Izana slid his hand out of your ass and starts undressing himself, watching Mikey suck and lick your breasts with hooded eyes, his other hand slowly jerking off his fat cock, the tip tethering at your entrance soaked with slick from your previous orgasm and their ministrations on your body. You wriggle in his grasp as he drags you by your waist onto his thighs, nestling his dick between your wet folds.

Letting go of your nipples with a loud pop, Mikey glanced at Izana who was also now naked as he asked “Can I put it in? You’re the one that invited her. Don’t you want her first?”

“NO!” You screamed in horror, attempting to fight for your life, feeling sick to your stomach at what was to come, repulsed by how his dick seemed to pulse between your folds with anticipation. “Both of you stop, please, I’m sorry. I’ll do anything, just stop, STOP-”

“I brought her for you, Mikey, go ahead.”

“No, no NO STOP STOP-”

Your entire lower body seizes with pain, Mikey bullying his cock in one go, past your tight muscles and deep into your wet hole, a burning sensation shooting throughout your vagina at the painful stretch. His eyes widened at how tight your pussy was as he watched his cock disappear, a loud whimper of your name erupting from his lips. It felt just as perfect as he imagined- tight and snug around his fat cock; hot, very hot and soft, the walls slowly accommodating him.

He stays there, unmoving as he buries his head into your neck, whimpering at how good it feels around his pulsating member, fearing that he would cum instantly if he doesn’t calm down. Your head lolled onto his shoulder, sobs escaping your swollen lips, begging him to stop, pull out, anything but this and all it does is make him throb with glee.

You’re breaking. Good. Now you’ll know how he felt when he found out what you did with Shin.

“How does it feel, Mikey? You feel good?”

He nodded in response, before giving an experimental thrust upwards, a mindblowing feeling of your soft walls finally hugging his cock washing over him, a quiet “uhn” escaping through parted lips into his ears. No woman has ever made him feel this good; not the sex worker he first slept with, not Senju, not the faceless women.

No one else can compare to you, ever.

He starts fucking into you slowly, his hips rolling expertly into your cunt, light, pap pap pap noises echoing throughout Izana’s large room. He pulled his face from your neck to look at your face, watching you lose your mind on his fat shaft, lips parted in an O shape, your tits bouncing as he grinds into you.

“You look like a fucking pornstar.” Mikey breathes out, eyes blown wide with lust, as his grip on your hip tightens. He’s careful to tease your g spot- waiting for the right moment, causing you to whine, large tears rolling down your cheeks “S’cute.”

Izana watches the both of you fall apart, Mikey increases his pace and you struggle to keep your last shred of sanity, hot tears falling down your cheeks as the pain subsides into a pleasurable feeling. He slowly teases his cock, coating it with lube as Mikey bounced you on his dick until it was wet enough, ready to approach you.

You feel a presence behind you, Izana’s hardened appendage pressing against your fissure much to your horror. “If she looks like one then we should fuck her like one, hmm?”

You open your mouth to  scream but Mikey beats you to it, kissing your mouth sloppily as he angled his hips upwards, hitting your pleasure spot repeatedly until you can. Muffled cries leave your lips begging for them to stop through screams as Izana slid into your ass, inch by inch, cursing underneath his breath until he was deep inside you.

“Shit, her ass feels so fucking good- she takes cock so well”

It was too much. Everything was too much for you. You don’t know where pain ends and pleasure starts, your mind completely broken into pieces as they both stuffed you full with their cocks, stretching you out until they’re fully acclimated with your holes. Your body and mind goes slack when Izana thrusts into you, hard, pressing an unknown spot that has you clamping down on Mikey’s cock, your walls throbbing around it and Mikey returns the favor by hitting your g-spot, causing your hot ass to tighten around Izana’s cock, both men groaning and panting in your ears.

“That’s it… take it.” Izana growled into your ears, the squelching of your wet ass and pussy being taken by the two of them, the scent of sex and lube permeating the air. His hand slaps at you plump cheek hard, making both holes clenching hard, his other hand forcing you to look at his face as he pleasures himself with your hole. “Take our cocks you pathetic whore.”

Sobs rack your entire body as they rocked their hips into you at a fast pace, pain and pleasure from both of them melding together, hitting your pleasure spots from both holes and setting your body on fire. Your body betrays you again, despite your lips pleading for mercy, your vision blinding white, practically trembling with an intense, unexpected orgasm. They fall over the edge soon after, ropes of cum shooting deep into your holes.

You think it’s the end. That it’s over. But Mikey is still hard and Izana’s cock is twitching to life again, sliding out of your ass and watching his cum spill from the gaping hole.

“I wanna feel her ass.”

“Turn her over, I need shoot my load inside her, let’s see who can get her pregnant first”

You’re flipped over, facing Izana and Mikey wastes no time in burying his fat dick inside your sore asshole, his lips kissing the nape of your neck as if it would make the stretch burn less. Izana captures your parted lips in a bruising kiss, also burying his pulsating cock inside your plush sensitive walls, groaning into the kiss before pulling away once he was buried to the hilt.

You blank out at the first thrust, your last coherent thought haunting your mind.

‘I should never have been born’

monica notes: please remember to reblog, comment, send asks about what you think and most importantly take care of yourselves. Thank you for being patient with me. Special thanks to Zaya, for the orange lily scene and everyone on discord for helping me through each scene. Much love.

[cultpastorkevin]

Cult Tips for AFTG writers

notes from the resident ex-cult pastor

If you’re in the cult, there is nothing bizarre abt what’s happening and in fact the normal stuff that happens outside of it is what’s bizarre to you. Target? Weird. McDonald’s? Even weirder. I can like guarantee Jean and Kevin never had McDonald’s until they left the Nest.

When you leave, you’re gonna be paranoid as fuck. All the time. Ngl at least for weeks but sometimes for years. Nightmares and insomnia 24/7. Hallucinations too lmao Riko is in every corner of empty rooms and you can hear his voice echo in the confines of the lockers.

I see a lot of Jean wanting to go back to the Nest, but not a lot of Kevin wanting to go back. He definitely struggled, 100%. In fact when he was in the pits of agony from his broken hand, was when he probably wanted to go back the most. Cult is home, cult is safe. Four walls you’ve always known and while it’s a cage at least it’s dependable. They hurt you but by god it always works out and the reward of pushing through this tragic incident is greater than the terror it caused in the first place. It’s a gift, actually. A gift from Riko. He saved Kevin. Cults save you. Cults make you wanna return to them like damn homing pigeons bruh. Give me more shattered hand Kevin screaming at Wymack to let him go back home and having a breakdown when he’s denied fics thanks

Piggybacking off the last one: cults are saviors; you’re nothing without them and they make sure you truly believe that; that everything that is done to you is for you and you’re blessed for it to be happening. You’re lucky even, to be allowed in it. Everything is as it’s supposed to be and order must never be challenged, because it works, and you’re the Edgar Allan Ravens, and this is the most honorable place you could be. All the pain you go through is you earning the right to be saved and to prove your worth every day on court. Only the worthy are honored.

You justify everything that happened and you will start fights and get angry with people who try to correct you and tell you it was wrong what went on.

On the other hand, you blame yourself for everything ever that happened there whether you were at fault or not. Hurting others, hurting yourself, gaslighting the fuck out of yourself over things maybe you could’ve prevented and over things you never could’ve stopped. The guilt is crippling and it eats you alive and haunts you.

There’s a lot of shame too. I see more guilt written than shame but shame is a huge portion of emotions that cult survivors have. Shits embarassing dude like “god how did I end up thinking this wack ass shit was normal” 😐 Shame comes later in the healing process usually, it’s after you have come to terms with shit that’s happened and you understand it. Looking back, you go “Jesus fucking Christ that was a red flag what the hell. Should’ve left then, or then, or then, or then” and then you’re just plain fuckin embarrassed.

Please look up how hive minds and brainwashing are created and work; also Stockholm Syndrome; understanding these would be incredibly helpful tbfh.

Diets are big; everyone eats the same thing; food is used as a reward and a punishment.

Hype hype hype. They whip up a frenzy of one singular emotion and use that to push you into a blind hysteria because you’re more suspectible to their influence when you’re out of your mind.

Drugs. Depends on the cult. But yeah these little bitches can be a huge factor for shit and can help with the brainwashing and hysteria and stockholm. Sometimes you don’t even know you’re being drugged or poisoned until you leave.

OH I ALMOST FORGOT. Dehumanization and then being treated like a person again can be traumatic as fuck yall!! Holy shit! Sometimes it feels worse than being dehumanized!

EDIT AGAIN: you don’t know what mental illness is !! Cults don’t fucking tell you these things lmao. if you show symptoms it’s your fault. Kevin being depressed his mom died was gonna get blamed on him and he was never going to be told grief is normal and it’s okay to be insanely sad. Jean also never got told his anger was correct or his trauma responses to being raped were realistic! They just got blamed for any reactions ever that weren’t neurotypical !! that is all; do with that what you will.

Idk if I think of anything else I’ll write another one but that’s all for now; I haven’t slept much lmao 🫡

[sanguinesky-if]

Sanguine Sky

DEMO [Public] [Updated 11/05/2024] genres: romance, modern-fantasy, supernatural, mystery, dark-fantasy.

Sanguine Sky is a work-in-progress modern dark-fantasy interactive novel. The story is heavily focused on romance, characters, and relationships.

The story rated 18+, contains mature and distressing content that may be triggering to certain individuals. It is recommend to check the full list of warnings before you proceed to the story. Please exercise caution and take care of yourself.

Word count [Public]: 96k [excl. code] | 116k words [incl. code]

You are a detective, tasked with investigating mysterious murders that have taken place in your normally quiet and peaceful hometown, Fallenmor. 

With two victims confirmed already, the initial one being your former mentor, Detective Bergmann, the situation couldn't seem more dire. Or so you thought until you received the news of another body, a possible third victim, discovered at the police station. In your very own office. 

An accident, a mere coincidence, a straightforward warning, a looming threat, or something entirely else… Whatever is happening, you feel it affecting you, awakening something both significantly familiar and distinctly foreign inside of you.

If only you knew that this was just the beginning… Things could have been different. 

But back then, in your ignorance, your singular concern lay with a pressing question: if you failed to find the murderer, who would become the next victim?

➤ Play as male, female, non-binary or trans; straight, gay, or bisexual.

➤ Customize your appearance and shape your personality.

➤ Take on the role of a detective, immerse yourself in the work of the police station.

➤ Embrace the mystery of your existence, or reject that inner sight of you.

➤ Seven romance options to choose from. Select their gender, be shy or bold, or focus on your goal without pursuing anyone.

All ROs are player-sexual and gender-selectable [M/F].

Kyle / Keira Moreno

Your colleague, a police inspector, and one of the rudest people you have ever met. Sharp and stern, K is surprisingly perceptive, and they use it to really see you. The good, the bad. Everything. Appearance: icy blue eyes, dark red hair, very pale skin.

Alexis 'Lex / Lexie' Conlan

Your best friend, and also your former partner from times when you were just a patrol officer. With a heart of gold and an approachable attitude, L always chooses you over the others. Appearance: forest green eyes, copper hair, beige freckled skin.

Morgan Schoivell

Your other colleague, a highly-skilled lab technician. M is rather reserved when it comes to emotions, and after almost a year of working together, M is still a walking mystery for you. Appearance: dark brown eyes, ash blonde hair, light skin.

Roderick / Rebecca Reyes

The commanding agent of the Criminal Investigative Division (CID) team sent to catch the killer. Overbearing and ruthless, R has their own way of getting things done. Appearance: gray eyes, blonde hair, pale skin.

Theodore 'Theo' / Theresa 'Tess' Vazquez

Another member of the CID team. With a cocky smile, T is full of flirts and sneering comments, regardless of the occasion. T has no doubts about what they want and isn't afraid to vocalize it. Appearance: dark green eyes, black curly hair, rich brown skin.

Isaac / Iris Brailsford

I looks the most mature and approachable of CID's fellow agents. Looks can be deceiving, though. Working behind the scene and watching from afar, I carries all the scars within. Appearance: hazel eyes, dark brown hair, olive skin.

Sebastian / Selena Goldstein

Someone new and temporary, S has a velvety voice and a perfect smile that doesn't reach their eyes. You're not sure if your paths will cross in the future, but something tells you S can't be trusted. Appearance: black eyes, long black wavy hair, bronze skin.

Other notable characters:

Your twin-sister: Your sweet, kind, caring, and gentle twin sister. She always tries to be there for you, and show how much she appreciates you, no matter what. Chief of Police, Kendrick Nash: Your boss, who is not handling his job so well after the recent death of his husband, Klemens Bergmann. Detective Klemens Bergmann: Police chief's husband, who happened to be a senior detective and your mentor. He was the first victim, murdered under mysterious circumstances.

A full list of warnings is available in the demo before beginning of the story. I recommend to check it before you proceed to reading. Please take care of yourself.

Links: DEMO | CoG forum | Q&A | RO's info | Tags | Patreon | Ko-Fi |

Thank you for your interest ♥

[trashart00]

Less than 12 hours until the release of “The Tortured Poets Department”!

Hence, I present to you, “The Tortured Catboy Department”

Track List:

SIDE A: Deux Semaines (feat Ladybug) / The Tortured Catboy Department / My Lady Abandons Only Her Favourite Partners / Down Bad

SIDE B: So Long, London / But Daddy I Love Her / Fresh Out the Slammer / Akuma !!! (feat Monarch)

SIDE C: Guilty As Sin? / Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me / Even Ladybug Can’t Fix This / loml

SIDE D: I Can Do It With a Broken Heart / The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived / The Cataclysm / Adrien Agreste

Bonus Tracks: The Black Cat / Solitude / Doppelgänger / Tell-Tail Heart

(Love how so many of the original track names still work)

My takes of what each song is about/inspired by under cut (but, if you feel like it, tell me yours :D)

I’m picturing all of these to be from Adrien’s perspective so they reflect mostly his version of the situations rather than the objective reality (especially the Laybug centered ones)

Deux Semaines (feat Ladybug): This one would focus on the sequence in Multiplication where Monarch doesn’t attack and how LadyNoir’s relationship recovers from the events of Season 4.

TTCD: Kept the “Catboy” singular because while there are multiple Catboy identities, there is only one boy underneath them all. Hence while I think it would be about him just stating his issues with everything, it would also focus on loneliness and how his department is understaffed :(

MLAOHFP: All of the Season 4 LadyNoir separation arc angst, with the “Favourite” being a callback to Risk (and kinda a jab at Rena because he thinks that she’s really her favourite, but y’ know, she didn’t abandon her so Rena can’t be her actual favourite)

Down Bad: Mainly about how Chat’s love for LB makes him excuse her behaviors, but also makes him act out (maybe a reference to Elation).

SL,L: About the whole arc of Gabriel sending Adrien to London and all of the memories he would have surrounding this ordeal - key point, not “So Long, Paris” because he didn’t want to leave, and in the end he comes back to a changed world.

BDILH: This one’s either about the Chat Blanc breakup or Gabriel’s dislike of Marinette in Season 5 (or both, with maybe a line about how he feels like this has happened before)

FOTS: Adrien realizing his father is a Bad Person.

Akuma !!! (feat Monarch): This one would be like a song about his daily life and then the chorus would start with a shout of “Akuma!!!” and it would switch to him as Chat Noir. I feel like it would start out with normal life being boring/hero life being fun but as it goes on he grows exhausted. Monarch has a rap verse.

Guilty As Sin?: Chat Blanc centeric - would ask who is to blame for the destruction of the world, like is it Chat because he lost control or Hawkmoth because he took advantage of his son’s emotion?

WAoLOM: Chat Blanc centric at first (like a villain song) but ends with Adrien reflecting on the events of Evolution-Destruction-Multiplication-PS night

ELCFT: I think it would be about his relaction ship with his father and how he wishes there was something he could do to go back to how they were when Emilie was alive but there’s no easy fix and his father keeps on getting worse and worse after any attempt.

loml: A song for Marinette with a bittersweet air - she’s the love of his life but he can’t tell her everything, and she can’t tell him everything either

ICDIWaBH: CatWalker centric - him going back to Ladybug in Kuroneko.

TSMWEL: I actually have three for this one - 1. About Gabriel and his need to domineer because he feels small and powerless. 2. About Adrien feeling small and insignificant. 3.About Plagg because he’s a smol boi (it would be like a lighthearted, cheeky song, like when you sing to your pet about how adorable they are)

The Cataclysm: Literally about how he cataclysmed Monarch, but also about how the event impacted his perception of self.

Adrien Agreste: Ending the album with a song that’s his own name :o.

Now for the variants:

The Black Cat: This one has Chat on the cover and the song is mostly about his bad luck. ‘I Love You It’s Ruining My Life” works both directed at Ladybug and his father.

Solitude: With Chat Blanc on the cover, this one’s about his mother. I think the “You Don’t Get To Tell Me About Sad” is pretty self-explanatory.

Doppelgänger: CatWalker is on this one, his song would be about how he may literally be the same person but he doesn’t fully feel like himself. He had to repress a lot of himself to be CatWalker hence I thought “Am I Allowed To Cry?” fit him really well (especially with Plagg not giving him the time to fully recover before he had to jump back in). Please note the crossed out name (unlike Chat Blanc) because he’s reinventing himself.

Tell-Tail Heart: This one has Ladybug on the cover - wait she’s not a Catboy?? The song is titled “Tell-Tail Heart” as a reference to Edgar Allan Poe’s “Tell Tale Heart” and would explore Chat’s perspective of Ladybug’s guilt for keeping secrets, how any excuse she makes is ultimately unimportant because she would do it either way. The fact that this is the only song title with a pun references how Chat tries to lighten the mood and avoid serious conversations, and the “Tail” is supposed to refer to Rena Rouge. The flowers she’s holding are meant to be foxgloves which symbolise secrets and insincerity (they’re also poisonous and damage the heart :)). I also really liked the “Old Habits Die Screaming” for her as it could mean both Chat Noir’s love for her being an old habit that he cannot get rid of, but also her habit of keeping things from him (especially with how she does it again at the end of season 5) being something she can’t stop. It is also him being able to see that, despite what she tells him, her “Heart” is tells him otherwise.

(also would like to point out that he wouldn’t mention Rena by name, he’s upset, not evil)

[percheduphere]

LET'S TALK ABOUT "HE'LL MAKE IT BACK"

Special thank you to @mmobiuses, @starrose17, and @stevenrogered whose gifs make-up the lion's share of this post. Thank you to all the other amazing gif artists as well, without you, my metas won't be possible.

This might come as a surprise to a lot of people, but I actually wasn't big on Lokius until Season 2. I thought Loki and Mobius made a cute ship in Season 1, but that was the extent of it. In truth, I lost interest in the Loki series by the S1 finale and had 0 interest in watching S2. I didn't give the series another try until I saw positive reviews on Tumblr. I therefore started watching S2 when S2E4 dropped.

LOKI SEASON 1

Enjoying the potential love story between two characters is a deeply personal and subjective experience. So take what I say as my personal experience observing Loki and Mobius's relationship.

I fully believed Mobius loved Loki in S1 in the platonic sense. Tom Hiddleston has given a few interviews on Loki's and Mobius's relationship and seems to believe in this sentiment as well [see 5:30-7:30 and 10:57-11:00]).

That is to say, in S1, I didn't feel, "Oh, my god ... he loves him." It was more, "Yes, he loves him", there is no question, his actions prove it.

There is wiggle-room for unrequited love in the S1E4 interrogation scene, but the jealousy Mobius exhibited could have just as easily been a combination of anger on behalf of his murdered colleagues and platonic jealousy.

However, I felt the first hint of unrequited love from Mobius occurred during his goodbye scene with Loki in S1E5. Specifically, this look:

I had no expectations for that look to pay off in any way. Season 2 surprised me.

LOKI SEASON 2

S2E1 is amazing episode because, through subtext, it reframes how Mobius's S1 emotions may be interpreted with stronger evidence for romantic motivation. In this episode, there appears to be a subtle, gradual build-up to the moment that Mobius's love for Loki may be viewed as fully romantic. Let's break down the episode and look at the progression:

First, learning that Loki is at the TVA: *sigh* I can't find the "Loki's here?" gif.

Second, and perhaps the most infamous, the reunion and whole-body support Mobius provides Loki in the TVA War Room (physical comfort):

Third, Mobius bringing Loki somewhere safe and quiet, assuring him that "it's okay" (emotional comfort):

Fourth, Mobius insisting that Loki's condition must be fixed, not once but twice, in two different scenes. A third (writer's magic 3s!) instance occurs in the Heart of the TVA, just before the gangway scene (prioritizing the other):

Fifth, Mobius's admission that Loki's timeslipping looks horrible, and he can't look at it anymore. He repeatedly stresses to Loki how serious this is (emotional and physical empathy):

Sixth, Mobius taking Loki to exact right person who can help. This is particularly significant, because Mobius is the only person in MCU canon who has verbally expressed concern for Loki's physical well-being and took immediate action to stop the pain (act of service):

Seventh, the third time Mobius prioritizes Loki's wellbeing. He scolds Loki and reminds him they have only one shot at getting his timeslipping corrected before the temporal radiation becomes too high (prioritizing the other):

Eighth, Mobius interrupting Loki, insisting that he will make it back. The subtext here is that no other outcome is acceptable or thinkable for Mobius (emotional comfort):

Finally, Ninth, the clincher: "He'll make it back." (self-comfort)

This scene is everything to me. Moments 1 through 8 build-up to this singular moment. Let's do a micro-analysis on it.

After Loki timeslips, the camera stays on Mobius. It tracks him as he kneels down to pick-up the time sick, the last thing Loki touched. The camera then pans up as Mobius rises.

@stevenrogered, THANK YOU for this gifset. It's literally the only one I could find that captures the camera tracking Mobius after Loki disappears, and this is my all-time favorite Mobius scene.

Mobius stands for a moment, motionless, and the camera holds on his facial expression. He's staring at where Loki WAS for extended period of time (keep this in mind for later). He's holding his breath. He's worried, scared, and hopeful, not for himself and the danger he faces on the gangway, but for Loki.

Finally, he exhales as he says to himself, "He'll make it back".

This entire sequence--particularly the moment when Mobius picks-up the time stick and holds it in silence--made me feel, "Oh ... Oh ... he loves him."

The camera stays with Mobius, capturing his reaction to this high-stakes situation for a significant amount of time (@loki-us, maybe you can get this timed starting from the moment Loki disappears and Mobius starts to kneel to pick-up the time stick?). Cinematographers don't do this type of hold unless they want to illicit a strong emotion from the audience regarding the character we are focusing on in the moment.

My insides swooped, which rarely ever happens when I view film or television.

And this camera hold, this pregnant pause, is mirrored by Loki's stare in S2E5:

[samenameastheothers]

Right Person Wrong Time

✨MDNI✨

Just something I cooked up over the weekend...First time ever writing something like this so pls be nice!

Warnings: Smut, Hate sex (kinda not really), Swearing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Azriel was always there it seemed. 

You didn't think that getting a job with the Inner Court would mean falling in love with and then getting your heart completely crushed by the singular most untrusting male in the entirety of the known planet. Still, here you were, walking up the streets of Hewn City when you felt his presence like an irritating beacon behind you. 

“I thought this was a solo mission Azriel.” You said without turning around, this aggravating babying of you had to stop, you wouldn't give him the satisfaction of meeting him eye to eye. 

“Trust me, If I didn't have to be here I wouldn't be.”  Suddenly the Spy Master was beside you, his deep voice shooting through your core, god you hated that he made you feel that way. Hated that it reminded you of a different time.   

“Rhys thought you might need backup, he sent me.” 

“And why wasn't I, the one leading this investigation, aware of this?” You hiss under your breath, you are angry, Rhysand should've known to send someone else. Keeping your composure so as to not draw a crowd in the most deadly city in Prythian is becoming a much harder feat to accomplish. Not turning and slapping Azriel as you both walk in momentary silence is even harder.

“There wasn’t time to send you a message before you left.” He responds finally with the lame-ass excuse you've heard before. He would say the same about himself when he forgot to tell you he was leaving for weeks on end, you used to have to get all your information from Mor.  

“Then you shouldn't have come, I can handle this alone.”

“The court doesn't think so, not after what happened last time.” 

You whirl to face him, damn the not fully acknowledging his presence bit you were trying to keep up. 

“The Court knows that was not my fault. You know that was not my fault.”

You are inches from the Illiran male now. You look up at him where you stand just around the height of his heart, shooting daggers at the male with your eyes. You can feel his hot breath fanning your face as he glares down at you, his eyes burning with hate. You silently realize how much the winged male despises you now. At the moment you think you despise him more.

“No, I do not know that it wasn’t your fault. And in case you forgot, I am the one who keeps this court secure, so take my close proximity as an investigation sweetheart.” 

Oh, you definitely loath him now, him and the stick up his ass that makes him believe he is so much better than everyone else.  

“Fuck you Azriel.” 

There is about a second before you realize you fucked up, maybe in the months away from him you forgot what pushes him over the edge, but as Azriel grabs you by the wrist and basically drags you down the street, you realize you do remember what pushes him. When he swings open the door to the safe house, slamming it closed as he pushes you up against it, you realize that you wanted to push him to see what he would do. 

“Say my name like that again, I dare you.” 

His voice laced with bitterness, and something else that you didn't want to name quite yet, makes your face heat and you pool under his scrutiny. 

You lick your lips and your eyes betray you as you look down to where his hips pin yours to the door. It's been so long since the two of you have been this close, so long that you've been this close to anyone. It would be a lie to say the burning in your core was still only your anger, it was now replaced with the familiar feeling that only Azriel could give you. 

“Fuck you Azriel.” 

You repeat your words and your head bangs against the wood of the door as you meet his eyes again. You see a thousand emotions pass through his dark eyes until he puts up the wall to his soul again, the wickedness creeping back in. 

“If you wanted it so bad you could've asked earlier baby.” 

He slams his lips into yours immediately hungry, instantly wild, and you return the passion with your own pent-up emotions. You feel everything you've felt for him over the past few months pour out of you and into the kiss. You're not able to stop him as his tongue slides into your mouth, deepening the kiss. There's no hint of kindness from him, just pure sex, as he tastes you again claiming the way you moan into every press of his body and tongue on yours. His hands slide under your legs and he lifts you to make you eye level with him. Azriels shadows glide across your thighs where they sit around his waist, you missed the feeling they gave.

You missed the way his wings shiver every time you tug on his dark curls, and as he breaks his claim on your mouth to start down your neck you know there's no stopping the path of his kisses laying claim to you. His mouth reaches the spot between your jaw and ear and he bites down on the sensitive skin making your eyes roll. His torment of your neck continues until you're on fire, you need more of him like you've been starved of something vital. He attaches himself to your mouth again and starts moving away from the door to the bed in the corner of the small room.

The only time Azriel is clumsy is when he is kissing you, you both slam into furniture and walls making your way over to the bed. He curses under his breath as he knocks over a picture frame and it shatters as it hits the floor. You claw at his leathers undoing the straps you know well as he works on untying the laces on your back, moving together like it was just yesterday you were doing the same daily. He lays you back down on the bed, his shirt stripped from him. On top of you with his skin golden and wings spread, he looks like some god or a fallen angel. He’s going to fuck you, you know in his eyes that there is only one way this ends. You have half a heart to crawl out from under him and leave, but his hands running down your chest feels too good and if you don't look closely you can almost imagine it’s love in his eyes and not hate. You squirm under the path his tongue makes over your sensitive body, heat gathering and begging for some sort of friction in the lower part of your person. His thumbs loop under your waistband and he drags your last pieces of clothing down your legs kissing the goosebumps that form in the wake. His kisses make their way to the inside of your thighs, sucking and biting on your soft skin. You moan his name and run your fingers through his hair when his hands finally reach the spot where you need them most. 

“Fuck baby, you still get wet for me?” his voice husky as his fingers find the slick between your legs pulling away to show you the shine to left on his hand. He brings his fingers to his mouth and sucks on them, moaning deeply at your taste.

“You taste so goddamn good, missed the way your pussy tastes for me.” 

his words slurring as his head dips down to your core. He licks a line straight up your center and you shudder at the feeling. His tongue circling your clit lightly, teasing you, making you move your hips closer to him in response. Begging for more of him. 

“Please Az, don’t tease” you whine, your face flushed and red.

He hums against your clit, sending vibrations through your body. Azriel then starts consuming you, like it's him who hasn't fed in months like it wasn’t he who told you he could never be with you again. He eats you out, harsh and wild and intense, his tongue sparking a flame in your core and feeding it till you’re on the edge of yourself. You feel like you’re burning, pleasure rocketing around you until you're gasping, not able to remember what you were here for. 

Azriel doesn't stop his assault on you for a second, his gaze meets yours when you dare a look at him. His dark curls between your legs thrown over his shoulders, and his half-lidded eyes staring up at you almost send you over the rim of control. You feel the pull to him, his being, as bliss clouds your mind. His fingers feel your entrance, and you watch as his scared hands move into you, stretching and filling as his tongue focuses on your clit. You're a whimpering, moaning mess at this point, your hips bucking up to meet his fingers curling into you. 

 "Come on sweetheart. Let it go, I want to watch you come around my fingers."

Azriel wraps his mouth around you and flattens his tongue against your clit giving you the control to grind down against his face. Your hips roll as you seek more and more friction, more and more of him until stars explode behind your eyelids. Azriel keeps pumping his fingers into you as you ride the wave of your orgasm and only gets up once your breathing is normal again. 

“Az..” you reach for him as he stands above you, you need to please him the way he just did for you. You need to show him that he still means everything. You grab his arm but something is off, you feel too much, emotions are flooding into your mind that are not yours. You meet his gaze the same time you see it, the golden bond connecting you to him, marking Azriel as yours and you as his. The same bond you prayed for a year ago, now forever connected you to the male who has broken your heart. 

“No, this can’t”, your voice breaks, “this can’t happen”

He pulls away from you like you've burned him, tears streaming down your face as he backs away from the bed where you lay. 

“No, it can’t.”  

And then he’s gone.

[hunny-pp]

PENACONY 2.1 SPOILERS /

[basically a more elaborate version of my twt thread on this]

I don't think I'm the first or only person to say this, but I do think Gallagher is v likely a memory zone meme

EDIT: heres pt 1.2 with additional evidence

Sunday deduces that Gallagher is an amalgamation of fifty-one Family members, who he's inherited physical traits from to create the appearance he has now.

Gallagher alludes in his own story that he may not be human

In short, Memory Zone Memes are amalgamations of multiple fragments of the Memory Zone, all have reflections of different memories, cognitions and emotions.

A meme in definition is when something, usually ideas, culture or behaviour is passed to another person through imitation or non-genetic means.

It makes sense for Gallagher, as he mimicked the physical traits of Family members without taking them or that trait away - these NPCs are very much fine and you can interact with them. It's more like a copy-paste onto himself.

Other little details include: -This could change in the future depending on if we get any fire units, but for Gallagher specifically, he takes the Raging Heart materials - which is harvested from a Memory Zone Meme-type enemy. This one's a bit of a stretch but it fits nonetheless

-His signature colour is magenta - shown in his clothing, his marketing materials and in the VFX of his attacks, his claw and his brew. This colour is specifically his and not something he had inherited from someone else.

Memory Zone Memes, especially "Something Upon Death" have stark magenta/purple/pink eyes and cores. When seen from afar or at least in a general sense, the shades are similar enough

-The writing style of Gallagher's stories feel strange, like different aspects of Gallagher's personality and life are on the outside looking in. Akin to a reflective surface giving off different reflections from different angles of the same subject. It adds to the idea that there are multiple aspects and fragments within Gallagher all looking within each other.

Mixology and The Dreamjolt Hostelry:

Gallagher's main interest outside of work is mixology. Like any culinary craft, there's an inherent science behind it, and it takes a lot of work and knowledge to craft well constructed cocktails and drinks. Symbolically, mixology complements Gallagher, as he himself is a combination of a diverse range of people. When you view these inherited traits isolated, you know they come from someone real - but when put together, they form One Complete Gallagher - cohesive and seamless.

While you can say the same for different branches of culinary arts, mixology in particular symbolically represents Gallagher the most. This is just from a layman's perspective but when I view the same with cocktails - from a general inspection it's one cohesive drink even if from taste or watching the process, I know it's all made with different components.

Notably, when Gallagher talks about mixing drinks, he describes it as akin to combining different emotions, experiences and memories into a singular cocktail and it's reflective of both customer and bartender's own current state of being.

His philosophy on mixology links back to the concept of Memory Zone Memes, manifestations of fragmented memories, emotions and cognitions nestled into a vessel.

The reason why I bring up the Dreamjolt Hostelry is because of the Vignettes in a Cup event (spoilers for it). It's not explicit in his stories or voicelines, but going by the Trailblaze quest, it's implied that the Dreamjolt Hostelry is the lounge/bar he regulars for a drink or to hone his craft as he's v friendly and familiar to Siobhan and is seen in the 2.1 trailer to be serving a Dreamjolt Domescreen (whether it's Lady or not doesn't matter).

Dreamjolt Hostelry is in the sealed off dreamscape Reverie, where the corrupted Dreamjolt Troupe monsters and Memory Zone Memes reside. Notably, where you encounter Something Unto Death in key moments of the story.

I'd like to believe Gallagher is very comfortable with the company of monsters, going by the fact that he himself is non-human.

In Vignettes in a Cup, Siobhan explains that the reason why she mixes drinks for the Dreamjolt Troupe monsters is that it helps regulate their emotions - since the dreamscape is falling apart and in turn they have become unstable.

Gallagher himself in one of his idle animations drinks an unknown concoction from his hipflask once his scar starts acting up - in which it settles back down. It's hard to discern in this point in time how long this has been going for, but as a non-human entity (meme or not), the dreamscape's decay is also likely affecting Gallagher and thus he has to regulate himself.

Why Do The Heathen Rage?: In the mission "Why Do The Heathen Rage?" we learn a lot of the Watchmaker's secret history as well as a general run through of Gallagher's own personal story.

First off, a lot of Penacony's trailblaze mission titles are references to songs, literature and media relevant to the themes of Penacony and/or by American classical authors or poets (ie Heaven is a Place on Earth, Cat Among Pigeons, The Tell-Tale Heart).

Why Do The Heathen Rage is both based on Psalm 2.1 Old Testament, but also it's a fragment of an unfinished novel by Flannery O'Connor. Fragment of a novel -> Gallagher is made of fragments of different people -> Memory Zone Memes are fragments of (I'm booed off the stage for being a broken record).

The story tells of a man called Walter Tilman who lives on his family's farm. There he starts to write letters to different people - particularly to Oona Gibbs, a black civil rights activist. However, he writes to her under the guise of a black man, and writes with the intention of testing the commitment and integrity of her beliefs.

Going with what we know in hindsight, Gallagher is masquerading around as a human, likely as a Memory Zone Meme as we've realised hopefully by now that they're the monsters most likely to pull something of Gallagher's calibre off.

This is all I'm gonna talk about from "Why Do The Heathen Rage" mainly because my additional theories are based off leaks and are more speculative.

Bonus section: "Something Unto Death" When it comes to Gallagher's connection to the Memory Zone Meme "Something Unto Death", a lot comes from his many symbols of death. This is just a bit of a bonus since we're talking about Gallagher likely being a Memory Zone Meme, we might as well address the elephant in the room as well.

For brevity, we'll call the little guy "Death Meme". Death Meme is a Memory Zone Meme created from the Dreamscape's fear of death and murder as "death" shouldn't be something that can happen in the dreamscape.

Gallagher has a FUCK ton of symbolism and nods to death. The most striking is that Gallagher's iconic "I'm Thirteen", which is the number for the Major Arcana "Death". (For additional reference I also think Thirteen could be the amount of Amber Eras he's lived in, or that he's at least 1300 years old. Also since he has a lot of dog theming, 13 dog years in human years is around 60-80 depending on the dog's size).

Additionally, thirteen is a common number to represent bad omens and misfortune - namely the well known Friday the 13th superstition, amongst other things.

When Gallagher makes you a drink, no matter what choices you make - the cocktail will have a memento mori/death/morbidly themed name and he will accompany most of them with a sardonic toast.

Gallagher's eidolons are names of different cocktails which fit his mixology theme. However, Corpse Reviver, Last Word, Death in the Afternoon and Blood and Sand are all death centric names, as if he couldn't get edgier enough.

There's also the call into question his playstyle, where he's a much more aggressive battle healer than the likes of Luocha and is the first abundance character to provide debuffs on the enemy, and derives healing through damaging opponents.

Conclusion: If you've read this far then I'm assuming you're as normal about Gallagher as I am. But yeah, there is so much to him I haven't touched on, his connections to the Enigmata, my continuation on this theory based on leaks and his shared past with Mikhail, what I think he'll do in the plot moving forward. This patch and its characters are themed around hiding secrets and that there's more than meets the eye. Gallagher in particular has proved to be the most mysterious of the trio, as while we've gotten a clear enough picture of both Acheron and Aventurine but there's still enough intrigue to keep them going, Gallagher's just given me more questions than answers man.

[voidlesscreator]

Core Fusion AU

The people that live in the Infinite Realms are able to fuse like gems in Steven Universe. Why you may ask? It's because their body is made up of ectoplasm that comes from their core, which is very similar to how a gem's form is made up of light and comes from their gem itself.

Fusions occur when two or more ghosts share a similar strong emotion or obsession, such as protection, love or hate. The fusion is a state where the occupants share thoughts and work together to operate a single body, so a lot of trust needs to be present or a singular goal in both minds.

Core Fusions also merge unique powers together to strengthen or link them together more.

Due to this, core fusions are typically seen as a way to show trust in any form or bond between ghosts, and as a way to strengthen forces and power.

Danny is probably able to fuse with ghosts and humans but was never told that it was possible for him bc he's half-human.

Now, this could work for both Dp x Dc and Dp x BNHA.

Dp x Dc

Danny can fuse with people who have been touched by death or have been dead and came back (like Jason).

The fusion would be a physical form that mixes both or more appearances while their cores (pseudo or not) appear as jewellery they wear as the fusion, which changes depending on the fusion.

Since I'm fixated on the dead on main ship right now, let's say that Jason is the one to core fuse with Danny first, and there can be an in depth backstory on how they meet and leads up to the core fusion, and it helps with the pit rage. Danny takes them to either Frostbite or Clockwork to figure out what is going on and they learn about core fusion and how it works.

-possible plot idea ahead-

In Gotham, Red Hood has been MIA for several months from both being a vigilante and a crime boas, and the rest of the batfam are freaking out about it; especially since a new crime boss has come into play going by "The Monarch" or "JD Fent" (The Monarch plays into Danny being either Ghost King or an adjacent role in the Infinite realms, and the JD Fent is a mix of their names bc I think it's cool :D).

Meanwhile, Jason and Danny have been chilling together using core fusion to keep away from the batfam and have been improving Crime Alley with Danny's inherited chaotic mad scientist gene being used to harness ectoplasm as a renewable energy since Gotham has a large quantity of it (bonus points if the ectoplasm can be re-filtered to be safely used again for power).

The GIW or another ghost could show up in Gotham to hunt down JD and the batfam accidentally get captured since a lot of them have died (I think??).

Cue a garnet-style reunion and a "stronger than you" scene before escaping and telling the rest of the batfam the truth.

Dp x BNHA

Similar to the other one, but quirks count as mini-cores and that's how people gain their powers. Quirkless people don't have cores and therefore don't have powers.

Danny could be able to fuse with the previous OFA users and just pull them out of Izuku or they could just fuse by Danny grabbing onto Izuku when using his quirk in a fight.

And I'm just imagining during one of the fights Danny grabs onto Izuku and a flash of light shoots out and once the light clears, Danny is gone and a person with three sets of arms with an appearance similar to Danny's and the other OFA users mixed into one before battling it out with the LOV.

Please let me know if anything doesn't seem like it works! And this prompt is free to use by anyone if they want to! :]

[a-d-nox]

vertex persona chart observations (part 1)

these ideas are for VERTEX PERSON CHARTS ONLY and are completely hypothetical. they are based on my (the those closest to me's) experiences with each aspect/placement! please don't take everything i say as predestined, astrology is possible outcomes not guaranteed ones. this is just a starting place for when examining singular objects in an entire galaxy (this not the only chart in affect for you). take what resonates and leave what doesn't!

☆ sun negatively aspecting saturn people are meant to not know themselves immediately in life - they might not trust themselves either

☆ sun-pluto people are meant to experience ego death

☆ 1h sun people are on a lifetime journey to figure out who they truly are

☆ moon negatively aspecting uranus people don't have a loyal fan/follower base

☆ mercury trine saturn people can struggle with communication early in life then over come it

☆ mercury trine uranus people watch a lot of movies/documentaries that change their prospective of life

☆ venus negatively aspecting uranus people are fated to have gossipy/dramatic friends

☆ venus ruled 3h people get too caught up in selfishness and/or gossip

☆ water influenced jupiter people tend to gain a lot of spiritual and emotional knowledge

☆ saturn trine neptune people are meant to be on an intense spiritual journey this lifetime

☆ saturn negatively aspecting pluto people are meant to fear abandonment and/or change

☆ saturn negatively aspecting pluto don't get close to a lot of people because they don't trust them

☆ uranus-mc people have chaotic statuses in life - cancelled, loved, empowered, etc

☆ neptune positively aspecting mc people are known to be intuitive people

☆ 1h ruler in the 2h people tend to very confident

☆ 2h ruler in the 2h people learn important skills regarding value and possession during this life cycle

☆ 3h ruler in the 12h people heal through communication this lifetime

☆ scorpio (8°, 20°) 4h people tend to have iffy relationships with their parents

☆ 5h ruler in the 10h are meant to be parents or to be famous in some regard

☆ 7h ruler in the 11h people marry their friend and/or they profit off of their partner

☆ 9h ruler in the 5h people are meant to learn about love in this lifetime

☆ 11h ruler in the 12h people often don't have a lot of friends in this cycle

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© a-d-nox 2024 all rights reserved

[orchidsangel]

PERFECT DUET (JASON TODD)

notes/cw ~ GN!reader, angst !!!, childhood friends to lovers set up, (1.7k wc)

You remember the day Red Hood came rolling into town, news stations spoke of a masked man, slinging guns and antagonizing Batman while simultaneously lowering Gotham City’s crime rates. He was a force to be reckoned with, his brutality leaving criminals and civilians both cowering in fear day in and day out. Men and women alike debated whether or not petty crimes were worth committing if it meant a potential run-in with Red; but soon enough, the city of Gotham, New Jersey, would realize that he didn’t waste his time with small-time shoplifters and carjackers. No, he had an agenda. An agenda that included the crime lords of Gotham and you.

Even though you had never and would never commit a crime, you constantly felt like you were being watched as if you were on a most wanted list. Months, you spent looking over your shoulder, wondering if you might have caught the eye of a crazy person, wondering if one day you’d come home to find security cameras installed in places where privacy was sacred. To you, this never coincided with the Red Hood's arrival in Gotham; and yet you did come home one day, but not to cameras, to Jason. Red helmet in hand, with a singular flower, and an apology on the tip of his tongue.

Yeah, he looked different. He was bigger, taller, and more muscular than when you’d last seen him. His face had matured, baby fat you used to pinch, replaced with hollow cheeks and a sharp jawline. He looked different, but you could tell without a doubt that it was him. The color of his eyes, albeit a little more green than you remembered, had the familiarity of a childhood stuffed animal; of an object that had meant something to you in a past life. You knew it was him, and yet he had died, and a part of you died with him. You had seen his cold, lifeless body in that velvet-lined coffin, traces of the boy you once loved under thick layers of waxy funeral makeup. He had died, and yet here he was, in front of you and holding a flower in place of an olive branch.

The following days felt like months, a reminder of the agonizingly slow aftermath of his death. You had learned throughout life how to compose yourself when your emotions were starting to get the best of you. This time was no different. Instead of a normal reaction like an onslaught of questions spilling from your mouth, breaking down into tears on the floor of your apartment, or even an awkward hug; you had given him a little more than a once over—just enough to take in his appearance—and then locked yourself in your room for the rest of the night. You could feel Jason's eyes burning a hole through the door, could swear he was on the other side watching and waiting for you to come back, to jump into his arms like you used to under the guise of friendship. But when you woke up the next morning he was gone, no trace of him being there to begin with, and you almost thought you had dreamed it. When you finally stepped outside the next morning, for the first time in ages, you didn’t feel you were being watched, and you knew then that it wasn’t a crazy person whose interest you’d piqued, it was Jason's.

Months passed before you saw him again. The disassociation had been getting worse by the minute since that night. You’d been living life on autopilot, a ghost of the person you’d grown into. Layers of armor built up after the night Alfred rang your home phone, gone. Leaving you raw and exposed to memories you’d thought better left in the past. You never wanted to forget him, but the agony that was growing without him by your side left your brain choosing self-preservation over anything else. You had chosen it then, on the day before junior year when you locked away every physical memento you had of him in a box and put it in the attic of your childhood home, and you’d chosen it again now when you pushed the recent events of his reentry into your life, to the back of your mind.

An unpredicted rainstorm vetoed your decision, leaving you stuck in some cafe in the diamond district. The combined smell of imported beans and high-end perfumes left you sick to your stomach; but not nearly as sick as when you locked eyes with Jason, sitting in the corner of the establishment, book in hand, but clearly not reading. You had been acutely aware of his presence the entire time; you couldn’t not be. It made the room spin, knowing what you knew about him in such a public place. It made you queasy and faint, like the entire world would soon turn black and you’d end up on the cold tiled floor waiting for someone to hold coffee beans under your nose in an attempt to wake you up. You almost made a run for it out the door; but the heavy sheets of water sliding down the glass windows, blurred the outside world into more of a watercolor painting than your reality, and you deluded yourself into thinking none of it was real, and anything said inside those four walls would cease to exist when the rain stopped.

A few steps taken towards him and you were ready to turn back around, but the clarity you felt, the fog that had incapacitated your brain for so long, was gone in that moment; and you knew if you stepped out into that rain, it would come right back. You remember his face when you sat down across from him, even after your moment of rejection, he still looked at you so fondly. “I always knew I’d see you again.” He had said with so much certainty. And you would come to find that all of the tears for him that you had held in would be shed anyway in the coming years.

Picking up where you left off proved to be impossible, and resuming a years-old friendship with a years-long break wasn’t something either of you could do. Not with both of your hearts tucked away with the other for so long. Not when you had spent years stealing glances at him in class when you were supposed to be working on labs and taking pencils from him from the opposite end to avoid touching his hand in fear that he’d feel the heat radiating off of you. Not when you were green with envy when he got his first girlfriend and rearranged his schedule to spend more time with her, leaving you feeling hopeless for a couple of months. Not when you practically jumped for joy when he came to you mopey and sad because she’d broken up with him to get with a star athlete, not knowing he was jumping from buildings and doing backflips in his spare time. Not when you’d taken him down to the pier, treating him to funnel cake and cotton candy with babysitting money you’d been saving up for a rainy day. And not when the two of you sat at the top of the Ferris wheel, feet dangling over Gotham and wind blowing in your face. His lovelorn eyes, bluer back then, peered over the bar that kept you from falling. He sat back with a sigh, his boyish features had sorrow written all over them. “I’d never hurt you like that.” is what you wanted to say that night, but instead all you could manage was an, “I’m sorry.” followed by, “Do you want to come over for dinner?” 

Not when a month later, your mom shook you awake in the middle of the night, calling your name with the same tone of voice she saved for when a close relative passed. Vision blurred and heartbeat quickening, “Is grandma okay?” you asked, rubbing sleep out of your bleary eyes. Pale, that's what her face was when she said, “No- yes. Grandma's fine.” she pursed her lips, trying to keep her composure but the lack of color in her complexion told you something bad had happened. “It’s…” You were alert by then, waiting patiently to hear whose funeral you’d be attending soon. “It’s Jason.” 

Lovesick. Sick with love. Sick with something. Whatever it was, it kept you from moving past the depression stage of grief for ages. Denial, anger, bargaining, they all came and went rather quickly; but the depression never left, not even when you had seemingly slipped into the acceptance stage. Your family watched you go back to your normal routines, continuing life the way it had been before. You got up in the morning, went to school, and came home exactly as you’d done when he was still alive. Of course, they didn’t see how you struggled to breathe when you saw his seat empty in homeroom, they didn’t see the way people stared at you walking the hallways alone for the first time in years, the boy typically beside you, now six feet under. They didn’t see how you cried yourself to sleep on his birthday that year, and how you subsequently cried yourself to sleep every year after that. No, they didn’t see any of it, and truthfully, they didn’t want to; you couldn’t blame them, not even you did. 

Lovesick. Sick with love. Sick with something. Sick with, “how long were you dead?” 

“Six months.”

Six years of grief for only six months of death. If you were still fifteen you would’ve jumped for joy, thrown a party, and invited your friends and families. You would’ve laughed yourself silly at how absurd it was that he was back with you so soon, how everything was normal again, and how this would just be a funny story you’d tell as an adult. In your early 20’s it was no longer so soon, it was no longer something to throw a party over, you wouldn’t invite friends or family, you wouldn’t even know how to explain any of it to them, and you certainly wouldn’t be laughing about it. All you could do was nod silently, taking the occasional sip from the cup of chamomile tea in your hands, trying your best to let him explain before anger got the best of you.

ro's first time writing angst, how do we feel ?? wrote this in the midst of a BAD case of writers block but fuck it we ball yk, inspired by perfect duet by ed sheeran and beyoncé but if you listen to it and wonder where the happy lovey dovey stuff is plz know i intend to write a pt 2 (key word, intend. i'm not great on follow ups), also if someone wants to give me a lesson a grammar and punctuation plz do bc it's kicking my ass !!

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

I'm really sick and Satan's sacrificial waterfall is here AT THE SAME TIME!

I don't know if you do blurbs or headcannons, but if so, would you be willing to write for the boys (either taskforce 141, or singular characters,) taking care of an afab reader who has never had anyone wanting to take care of them?

If not, sorry to bother!

I don't typically take requests but... since I'm in the same boat (sacrificial waterfall is probably going to come over the weekend for me), I'll 100% do it.

A while back I also posted this: "You're feeling ill" and it's also along the same vein, if you'd like an extra little pick me up.

Period woes.

Rating: G Words: 1K~ tags: afab!reader but you/your pronouns, SFW!, fluff, comfort, periods and associated symptoms.

A person’s period might be the most hypocritical moment of their routine. They’re expected to continue moving, working and living their live as normal, all with a smile on their face, while their uterus actively attempts to cut off its own circulation… as if for any other injury or sickness you wouldn’t be expected to lay down and STOP for a moment and allow yourself to heal up, or at least improve enough to not be miserable.

But no. You’re expected to deal with it alone, to not show a reaction, to not be irritable, or groaning and writhing in pain. Take a shower, stock up on painkillers and slap a smile on your face, you’ve gotta go out in the world and act as if you’re not actively dreading every waking moment you spend on your feet.

That’s why you’ve learned to hide it when you’re going through your monthly. Your family, partners… not even your girlfriends know when you’re having it. Ever since you were a young teen, just starting out, it was very much a conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know, sort of moment.

But it’s miserable. You’re always miserable. Everything hurts, the cramps, the headaches, the back pain, hip pain, your sore chest… Plus the blood, the lack of appetite (or increase in appetite), the nausea, the fact you want to cry one moment, or break dishes and scream the next, the way your colleagues annoy you beyond compare, how certain sounds grit your nerves just. enough. to make you feel like you’re losing it… And then you can’t sleep.

And of course… he notices it. How could he not?

Ghost is discreet about it. He doesn’t mention it, doesn’t make a big deal about it… But he’s VERY good at taking care of you without you noticing he’s doing it. His love language is acts of service… So he simply goes around giving you a hand on whatever you might need. Food? Made. Dishes? Done. Laundry? Washed, Dried, Folded and Put Away. He finds you trying to do something? No. Give it here, he’ll do it.

The inevitable day that a leak happens and you find yourself angry at yourself as you strip the bedsheets off the bed, trying to be discreet about it so he doesn’t see it, he silently grabs the sheets off your hands and murmurs a “Go take a shower and change. I’ve got this.” before turning to put the sheets in the washer, clean the mattress and remake the bed so you can lay down again by the time your shower is over. It makes you emotional, sometimes, that such a stoic man will gladly take on every other responsibility to allow you to heal.

Gaz, blessed be him, is an absolute sweetheart… But he’s also a silly boy. He notices and although he’s not going to make a big deal about it, he’s still very… Boyish about it. Uses all the silly names for your period (“The Communists are coming”, “Shark week”,  “Satan’s waterfall”, “Carrie”) and affectionately calls you “My little ketchup packet”. 

He’s all for ordering takeout and getting you whatever you want when and how you want it. He’ll rub your back and be very careful about where and how he touches you. He’s ginger with touches around your waist and lower stomach, looks at you with those big brown eyes of his, as if checking that he’s not hurting you or crossing a boundary. You find yourself getting emotional when he whispers about how strong you are to deal with this every month… Keeps asking gently if you need anything… It makes you feel so safe.

Price’s older. He’s been in many relationships before. He notices your period is coming before it even does… Notices how you’re acting. Jumpier, grumpier, sadder… Notices how you toss and turn the couple of nights leading up to it. And he’s silently prepared. He’s made a supply run to the grocery store to get what brand of period products you use and some painkillers and puts them where you can see them in the bathroom. 

Fills you up with warm herbal tea and food that he knows are easy to digest and help with your state. No fucking chocolate and sugar or potato chips, you’re being pumped full of soups and stews and veggies and cut up fruit. He’ll sit by your side with a paring knife and an apple and slowly peel, core and cut it, before slowly feeding you (and himself) the slices. When you try to resist it, at first, too used to doing things alone, he’ll grab your face with both hands, look into your eyes and tell you. “And why exactly would I let you do that, when you’ve got me here to help you? How does that make sense?”

Soap’s… Well… Soap’s got a bunch of sisters… Each of them dealing with their periods in wildly different ways... So one thing he knows for sure: He’s not about to assume anything. You do what you’ve got to, he’ll adjust to you. He needs to go to the bathroom but you’re in there? Copy that, he’ll go piss in the yard. You’re having a cry in the kitchen because nothing looks good but you’re hungry? Talk it out with him, what do you want to eat? Let’s figure it out together, bonnie. You need to lie down in a dark room because of a migraine or headache or just to catch on sleep you’ve missed? Johnny’s blacked out every window, gathered every stray pillow and blanket in the house and will make you a nest if he’s got to.

And when you wake up in the middle of the night with a whine and a stretch because your back hurts and you’ve got cramps and cannot for the life of you get comfortable, Johnny’s hands are rubbing over you, pressing kisses to your temple and murmuring little “I ken, love… It’ll be over soon… I’m sorry you’re going through this…”

[illumalux]

Life Series Victors as Tarot Cards

A presentation on why we’ve got it all wrong when it comes to grouping life series victors.

This post will continue on with the implication that ZombieCleo is a Victor, simply because she is. She won real life, therefore she's a victor. Argue with the wall.

Now, I see your celestial trio of the first three winners. This should never change. This feels the most apt, it centers perfectly, and each of the things it represents are present in multiple different categories. Obviously in space, as everyone has adapted to, but also in a Minecraft world, and what I see as more important: in a tarot deck.

Think about it this way.

The Watchers, in whatever form you think they (or we) take, are collecting these Victors. Each one means a different thing, survived a different landscape. While I understand the celestial motif of the first three Victors, and how it fits into their characters, I would argue that many others are far too grounded for that.

It’s a collection, remember? What is better for assembling a set than a deck of cards? Especially ones that meddle in Fate, something the Watchers seem to adore.

So here are the cards each Victor represents, with card meaning and my defense as well. This will go in chronological order of the seasons.

Before I continue, I just want to give a disclaimer. Every tarot deck has a slightly different explanation for what each card means. The definitions I use are a mix of three of my decks and the official Rider-Waite-Smith deck's explanation, so if there are inconsistencies with what your deck says or what you know, please don't come for me.

Grian, Third Life:

XIX. The Sun

Beyond the obvious desert motifs (a whole extra post in and of itself), the Sun is representative of not only Grian's gameplay, but also how the Watchers (those collecting this deck) feel about him. Grian is one of them, so he naturally starts out in their good graces, with a greater level of respect.

Rider-Waite-Smith defines the card as one of success. Of course the Watchers will gloat when their baby wins. Even if he wasn't meant to, it did inevitably mean that throughout his game, Grian was inarguably one of the largest sources of negative emotions, second only to the Red Army. Again. Extra post on its own. When he won, it saved anyone the satisfaction that might negate their negativity, alongside the delicious outpouring of grief that was the final duel of Third Life.

Reversed, the Sun is a card of depression. As I just touched on, one of the most defining moments of Grian's game was his final victory. When the ending came down to himself or his greatest ally, he went about it in the way that caused probably the most pain to both parties involved. It pushed him to the very brink, ending in him defining his own ending just moments after winning.

Scott, Last Life:

XVII. The Star

Even ignoring the starborne origins and headcanons, as well as the crown of stars included in his skin (Void below, these posts write themselves) this one looks like a super simple explanation, but actually requires me pointing out something that may not be obvious to some Watchers: Scott, in every game and Iteration has made it a point to rebel against the rules in whatever way he can. I could go into full detail, but thats a lot of words and I don't need anyoen to get bored. (Void, this series and side tangents that require other posts)

In third life, a game about death and destruction, and the originator of factions, Scott took a very different route: he got married and built a house in a flower field. When grief finally found him, he refused to give the Watchers any satisfaction, literally crystalizing his grief into a part of his character design (and one that would remain for two to three more seasons, depending on your thoughts on the coral pieces). In Last Life, he is the singular person in all five seasons (technically two, but shhh this is more dramatic) to withstand the Boogeyman curse, something the Watchers installed purposefully to make people kill allies. Double Life, obviously, as Scott rejecting the soulmate the Watchers gave him. Limited life, in which kills gave more time, Scott did not die a single time without giving life freely, either to an ally or a temporary ally.

That got long. Anyways. Scott's game has always been one of hope, spreading positivity and refusing to be pushed around by the Watchers. And that's exactly what the Star means. Upright, this is a card about hope and perseverence, pushing through challenges, which is exactly what Scott does. He refuses to let the Watchers' actions upset him and continues to play the game for his friends and for the future and nothing else.

Even reversed it still fits. Reversed, the Star means loss or abandonment. I've already used up too much time on Scott here, so I'll let you pick your favorite instance of that.

Pearl, Double Life:

XVIII. The Moon

This one is far and away the easiest. Like the previous two Victors, Pearl's story connected her with her symbol even before she won. But blood moons and wolf packs aside (as that's a whole different post for a whole different day) when you take a look at the definitions provided, it becomes even clearer.

The Moon is a card of transformation and change, as well as revealing one's inner self. Rider-Waite-Smith attributes hidden enemies, darkness, and terror with The Moon. While I'll happily analyze every single one of Pearl's actions as the Scarlet Pearl, I think this one is plenty self explanatory. After her rejection early on in the game, she immediately isolates herself and latches onto the night motifs, leaning in to what everyone expects her to be.

The reversed meanings also explain Pearl's arc in Double Life perfectly: confusion, mixed messages, and disbelief. This perfectly encapsulates Pearl's feelings at the very beginning of the game via her rejection by Scott and subsequent abandonment by Martyn in an attempt to get back into Cleo's good graces. Her instinctual reaction is one of shock, not understanding why Scott would choose to pick a soulmate when she was right in front of him.

Martyn, Limited Life:

XVI. The Tower

One of my favorite cards, the Tower is instantly recognizable. While most of my analyses aren't about how the card looks, I feel like it's important to share this time around. The most common image consists of a tower and one or both of two elements: lightning, and people falling. As a card, it represents sudden change, destruction, and chaos.

If anyone here is not yet convinced that I'm correct, please go rewatch Martyn's last LimLife episode, then come back and argue.

You're back? Great. We agree? No? Fine, I'll explain.

This fixates mainly on his winning game, but I'll touch on the rest of his games as well. LimLife ended with a huge betrayal on Martyn's part, one characterized by being so insanely sudden. (Of course it's the Watchers meddling. But the Tower isn't always about your own choices being your downfall.) He quite literally snapped as if hit by lightning (see description of the card), and this spells the beginning of the end for him.

Similarly, in all of his other games, Martyn finds himself with one pivotal moment that spells his downfall. The Red King, Betrayal at the Southlands (and honestly his worst move in DL was abandoning Pearl to try and beg for Cleo's forgiveness).

Funny enough, the reversed meaning of this card is almost a perfect match. I don't think this needs too much more explaining.

Scar, Secret Life:

X. The Wheel of Fortune

I adore Scar in these games. Every single season seems absolutely plagued by chaos. The worst season, obviously, was the one in which he gained his crown. Poor guy was just trying to make friends, and it seemed like every new secret was the exact opposite of what he wanted.

The Wheel is just what it sounds like: it's the card of luck, destiny, and fate. I won't add a new paragraph for the reversed meaning here either, as it means the exact same thing as upright, but with negative connotations in the form of bad luck and misfortune.

Scar is plagued by the whims of luck left and right. It seems like, more than any other player, Scar is unable (whether by others, fate, Watchers, what have you) to take full control of his own story and take actions that he wants to take, instead limited to where the current takes him.

But in the end, that chaos is what gives him his win. The lack of alliances and freedom that the game forced on him was what eventually lead him to be unmoored and able to volley his pain wherever he wanted, leading to a mostly painless win.

Cleo, Real Life:

XIII. Death

A little on the nose, I know, but which of these choices aren't? For a series entirely based on improv, there are a stupid amount of coincidences present.

Now, I know this is far and away the shortest series, so I'm going to analyse Cleo as a player across all of her seasons, not just her winning game. Sorry Real Life. You should have been longer.

While the meaning of the Death card may seem obvious, it's twofold in actuality. In some historical decks, even, the card is instead named Rebirth. I know how ironic that is that the zombie is the one who stands for death and rebirth, but again. Blame the stupid narrative, not the poor me trying to make sense of it.

In what my lovely mutual Honor called "phoenix behavior", I'm going to focus specifically on her deaths and rebirths, specifically BigB's betrayal in LastLife. Cleo takes her death hard, as anyone might. But her rebirth comes with change. The minute she respawns, it's with a different understanding of the world around her. She immediately embraces the change that has been given to her, burning down the Fairy Fort and ditching her alliance for a new one.

The reverse captures Cleo as a character over her seasons better than anyone on this list. While the upright meaning of the card is change, reversed it signifies stagnancy, obsession, and immobility. This can be seen almost perfectly with her thoughts on alliances. Scott remains forever in her good books, even over the course fo multiple seasons, simply because he has never wronged her. Even when they aren't direct allies,she still cooperates with him whenever, simply because she retains her previous feelings about him. The same can be said for BigB, but in the opposite direction. From the moment of the betrayal onwards, she refuses to trust him, going so far as to warn Pearl away from allying with him in LimLife.

Bonus: Jimmy Solidarity, the Canary

XII. The Hanged Man

But Moon! you shout, throwing your complimentary bucket of popcorn at me. Jimmy isn't a Victor! He's the exact opposite!

Yep.

That's why he's so soggy and why he goes on this list. You wanna argue that he doesn't have the same lore impact as a Victor? Too bad. Can't hear you. Jimmy gets his own card.

Initially, I was kinda sad that I already used the Tower, because that's the portent of doom and gloom or whatever, perfect for a canary. But then I spied an even better, even more Jimmy card.

The Hanged Man is the card of sacrifice. While I could go on a whole rant about the Fool's journey and how it is represented in the Life Series, that is Extra Tumblr Post Number IDK Anymore. Instead, today I'm going to stick to the basics. To specify sacrifice, the card doesn't just mean giving up. It signifies self sacrifice specifically. And what is Jimmy if not a semi-willing first sacrifice to get the chaos rolling?

How many times has he gone out to stop his friends from being the one who has to herald the change? The canary knows that he will sing the final notes, but so long as he can ensure the miners don't have to, he will descend once more.

Conclusion:

Now. Did I spend more time on this post than I ever did on an English Lit essay? Maybe. But as much as I love the space motifs this fandom has, I fundamentally disagree when we get to the latter winners. Come on, guys. Tarot decks are right here.

If I missed anything, or I misrepresented a player's game, please tell me. I can't be everywhere at once, and I'm always happy to learn more about some of the players I don't watch as regularly.

Anyways, this was way more fun to write than I expected. If anyone wants to see me give cards to the rest of the players who have yet to win, or an analysis of anything a mentioned in my tangents, please let me know.

Special thanks to @honorsongs who kept me company through this whole process and gave me many a suggestion when I lost my train of thought.

[cloudywriting05]

How do you feel about Finnick x Virgin/Innocent Reader?!

SHORT BECAUSE I DONT HAVE MY LAPTOP. But yessss, FINNICKKKK😍

NSFW, 18+, GRAMMATICAL ERRORS!

SUGGESTIONS OPEN (coryo…..smut…?🤨😏)

Finnick was taken aback when you told him you hadn’t ever done the deed, or any deed. He felt almost guilty for all the times he’d looked at you with lustful eyes. Imagining how you’d look bent over, crying, begging for him to cum on your tongue; he felt humiliated. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that the most outlandishly sexy woman he’d ever come across his entire life was completely untouched.

It explained your standoff-ish demeanour, and your refusal of any sort of contact with any man who came off the slightest bit sleazy. The revelation had haunted his mind for a very long time. You on the other hand were always fond of Finnick. You knew him as the Capitols sweetheart, the darling of the districts and the hottest male victor.

Everyone wanted to fuck him and you were constantly reminded of it. The idea of sex itself was a lot for you. You hadn’t kissed anyone, touched anyone or even spoken too many words to a man before. It was overwhelming. What you did know was that Finnick was hot. That whenever he came too close around your pussy pulsated, have suddenly sweaty palms, and stumble over your words for no apparent reason.

You tucked your fears away for just one night. You came to his apartment unexpected. Finnick revelling at your sudden appearance. You sat on his couch talking about everything and anything that came to mind, the topics turned sour and before you knew it you were getting emotional talking about your family and the games.

You laughed at yourself for getting teary eyed and he laughed with you, wiping the singular tear from your cheek. You observed him and calculated what to do next and only came to one conclusion. You leaned in and once again, kissing him without hesitation or second thought. Finnick silently rejoiced, not hesitating to reciprocate the energy.

You learnt that night Finnick was a passionate lover. He asked you if you were okay every chance he got. Sucking his penis was confusing at first for you, you’d never seen a penis in person before and you didn’t know if his was meant to be as big as it was. But, he managed to help you through it. Watching you latch your lips around his dick, moving to his instructions.

You winced in pain as he put it in for the first time, telling him it hurt. He kissed your forehead and lips at every opportunity, until you got used to his size. He kissed you and told you that you had every right to ask him to stop at any point, and that you didn’t have to do this. You shook your head, you wanted Finnick.

His use of the words baby, darling and sweetness boosted your confidence. His words of encouragement rallying you on as you rode him, or anyone for the first time. Did it hurt? Yes. But he made up for it by bringing you to what you now know was an orgasm by using his tongue on your pussy, your favourite part arguably.

Finnick finished on your tongue like he’d fantasied about for the longest time. He fell back and ushered you to lay with him. You both fell asleep that night, knowing that after today you could never be just friends.

FIN