#but this short is a bit depressing

[eclairmeow]

THE NEW SHORT LOL IM DYING WHY IS IT ALWAYS GREEN 😭😭😭😭

also love these moments

(green is hugging orange so cute <33)

ALSO UHM IS THIS PURPLE????

[writterings]

hate when therapists get suspicious when you're well educated on mental health and/or are self aware. sir i live here. of course i'm going to be able to articulate myself well about my mental illness. that does not mean im making it up.

[pool-core]

[lifeismarvelous]

you know those times when you're feeling extremely fragile, sensitive and vulnerable and you don’t take anything well and you feel like everyone is against you or trying to hurt you and you feel like crying forever? yeah.

[novelconcepts]

There are a lot of Worst Things about depression. Everybody's got a different Worst Thing. Hell, I can't always decide on what my personal Worst Thing is. Sometimes it's the numb despair. Sometimes, it's the dumb animal panic. Most of the time, though, it's that there isn't enough room inside of me.

What I mean is: I care about too many things. I think that's pretty standard these days for a lot of people. Empathy stretched fine as gossamer. We see so much suffering each day. We see so much more than any one person was meant to. So you wind up caring, because caring is what a person is wired to do, what makes life worth living. You care about people you know. You care about people you've never met. You care about situations in countries you haven't set foot in. You care about the political climate of your own hometown. You care about your own dreams. You care about your best friend's bad luck. You care about your pets' health. You care about when the next book in your favorite series will come out. You care, and you care, and you care, because you're wired to care about it all. It's exhausting sometimes, but it's life. Sometimes the best part of life.

With depression, the caring space gets to feeling too full. Has packed tight, all those elements butting into one another until they lose meaning, the darkness threading into the gaps. There just isn't enough room inside of me for all the fear and the despair and the weird empty anger, much less the stuff that actually matters. So I start shorting out. Because, see, depression makes it so I can't care; don't see a point in even trying. And the real me, the part of me that isn't being cannibalized by the demons, doesn't know how to do anything else. So the middle ground becomes: shrink the caring space. Shrink it down bit by bit. All systems are running at once, and we're getting low on juice, so the natural thing is to start shutting off lights. Start jettisoning the extraneous to make room.

Except it's depression at the wheel, not common sense, so it's not just the extra flair getting turned off. Not the despair and the mind-numbing terror and the reckless urge to pick fights. The stuff that winds up getting tossed is stuff I need. Stuff that keeps me going. It's all being shut down at once, no rhyme or reason, until I suddenly can't care about the things that are me. Intrinsic, fabric-level stuff. I can't care about creating. About making art. About telling stories. I can't care about other people telling stories. I can't care about my friends the way I'm supposed to. I can't care about their travel or their kids or their wins. I can't care about making food for myself. I can't care about brushing my teeth. I'm shutting down to component parts, but I didn't get to pick which components are still running full-power, so I wind up with just a handful of randomly blinking lights. Suddenly, I care very much about my fear of the future, my financial insecurity, how fast I can run a 5K, a single television show--and just about nothing else.

It isn't healthy. It's sure as fuck not sustainable. And I know from experience that the rest of the system will come back online eventually. I'll find myself telling another story in a week or a month. I'll find myself sketching something out of nowhere. I'll find myself able to grieve a lost loved one and treasure my new nephew. It'll all come back, in time. But it's the in-between bit that grates. The bit where I'm in the shuttle with my knees tucked against my chest, sucking oxygen through a straw, trying to conserve whatever is still running. The bit where I resent the people in my life who aren't running on fumes like I am. Where I'm furious that they can care, that they can move freely, that they aren't pacing a minuscule cage like I am. It's a loss, all the months and years I've spent on life support. It's a fucking waste.

That's where I am right now. Life support. Little things get in, from time to time. I can suddenly inhale a book series start to finish. I can suddenly coax myself into eating the same thing for lunch for three weeks straight. Those are extra lights on the dash, and I have to treasure them. Because there isn't really room, so any little thing that I find space for is a gift. And everything else--talking. planning. trusting. creating. intake.--has to stay dark for a little while longer.

It'll come back on. I have to believe it'll come back on.

In the meantime, I hunker in my shuttle, and I wait.

[disposal-blueeee]

doodlesssss

scriabin belongs to zarla-s

edgar belongs to jhonen vasquez

[foulfiendfern]

im back . with orphan jon . also made a video to it so enjoy !!

[ducktracy]

okay. i still have to actually compile the vast majority. but i HAVE clipped every single Mel Yell. round 1 will probably wrap up within the next few weeks. and let me just put it out there that binging the entire Speedy and Daffy filmography twice in 2 months is one of the most demoralizing things i have ever done. i sighed after i saved every single clip. i can't even think of a funny one-liner to end this on. these polls are the best and only way you're ever going to be able to watch these cartoons. I Am In Hell

[newtafterdark]

Sometimes I get hit with the Triple Event™ (fibro, fever, period… sometimes with special guest depression) and I simpy must pat myself on the back for managing to take my meds, staying hidrated and concocting a simple meal despite it all. It's a damn struggle and I know full well that on most days like this I am not able to get all of these things done - but when I do, I feel so damn powerful for making it through the day, even with all these curses on my mortal shell.

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLOO LORE?!!?!??!

IM SHAKING YOU

(i don't have access to images right now so please imagine the deer in headlights image thanks)

ahaha.what. i mean. uhh.

nooo....?

[lerildeal]

Man comics are hard! But here’s one for A Prayer for the Crown Shy, a wonderful book that translates into comics surprisingly well

[theyarebothgunshot]

.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[changeling-droneco]

Having friends while having memory issues really is just,

I love you, I struggle to remember a time before you even though we’ve only known each other for a few years, I can’t remember your favorite color but I know what color you feel like, I have to check your pronouns half the time but I’m so so proud of you and how far you’ve come, I don’t remember your ocs names but I know this one had red hair and I liked them, i love you, I don’t know when your birthday is, I have notes on your interests and facts about you and I’m worried I seek creepy, I keep forgetting where you live and for some reason I keep thinking it’s Sweden even though you’re definitely not from sweden, I love you, i keep forgetting how to spell your name, I don’t remember a time when I didn’t love you, i have to constantly read chat logs to remember small facts about you, I can’t imagine a time where I don’t love you, we haven’t talked in years and all I remember about you is that I love you even if I couldn’t pick you out from a picture, I love you, I’m telling you the same story for the fifth time but you don’t mind and I love you, I’m scared I’ll forget you, I love you, I know even if I do I’ll always remember that I love you, I don’t remember your favorite book but I know you like to rant about it so I’ll listen to you even if I don’t remember anything from last time, I’m sorry I keep forgetting things we have planned, I love you, you gave me the best moments of my life and even if I’ve forgotten them I know they happened and that’s close enough to remembering them for me, I forget what you’re allergic to but I’d never give you something without asking, I forgot I made notes about you and rereading them I feel like I can see you clearly again for a few seconds, I love you, I’m sorry we started something you loved and I forgot about it until months since we last did it, all I can remember at this moment is how much I love you even when I can’t remember a single fact else, I’m sorry I failed to keep in contact how I want to because I only remember what I wanted to say at 2 am, I’m sorry for the conversations that stalled out because I couldn’t claw past the fog in my head, thank you for being there, I love you, sometimes you’re hazy and out of focus but I love you I love you and if I could bring the picture of you into focus I could but I can’t and I love you, I don’t want to forget but I will but I love you and I’ll reread the things over and over so even I forget them I’ll remember your love too. I wish I knew how to fix myself, but I love you, and I’ll always be able to remember at the very least that just as I love you, you love me too

[pikslasrce]

when u compile your symptoms and start looking for them in disorders and the same mental illness circlejerk keeps popping up and you have to play the game of 'do i have one, all, or none of these' so you just give up and say its all in ur head bc they all sound too serious for whatever ur going through

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

Karkat: WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE...

Dave: when i was your height..

Karkat:

Karkat: NOW LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT