#but when videos or tutorial posts are made and show the ''WRONG'' way to go about it

[goobygnarp]

.

[kotori-mochi]

Can't afford art school?

After seeing post like this 👇

And this gem 👇

As well as countless of others from the AI generator community. Just talking about how "inaccessible art" is, I decided why not show how wrong these guys are while also helping anyone who actually wants to learn.

Here is the first one ART TEACHERS! There are plenty online and in places like youtube.

📺Here is my list:

Proko (Free, mostly teaches anatomy and how to draw people. But does have art talks and teaches the basics.)

Marc Brunet (Free but he does have other classes for a cheap price. Use to work for Blizzard and teaches you everything)

Aaron Rutten (free, tips about art, talks about art programs and the best products for digital art)

BoroCG (free, teaches a verity of art mediums from 3D modeling to digital painting. As well as some tips that can be used across styles)

Jesse J. Jones (free, talks about animating)

Jesus Conde (free, teaches digital painting and has classes in Spanish)

Mohammed Agbadi (free, he gives some advice in some videos and talks about art)

Ross Draws (free, he does have other classes for a good price. Mostly teaching character designs and simple backgrounds.)

SamDoesArts (free, gives good advice and critiques)

Drawfee Show (free, they do give some good advice and great inspiration)

The Art of Aaron Blaise ( useful tips for digital art and animation. Was an animator for Disney. Mostly nature art)

Bobby Chiu ( useful tips and interviews with artist who are in the industry or making a living as artist)

Sinix Design (has some tips on drawing people)

Winged canvas (art school for free on a verity of mediums)

Bob Ross (just a good time, learn how to paint, as well as how too relax when doing art. "there are no mistakes only happy accidents", this channel also provides tips from another artist)

Scott Christian Sava (Inspiration and provides tips and advice)

Pikat (art advice and critiques)

Drawbox (a suggested cheap online art school, made of a community of artist)

Skillshare (A cheap learning site that has art classes ranging from traditional to digital. As well as Animation and tutorials on art programs. All under one price, in the USA it's around $34 a month)

Human anatomy for artist (not a video or teacher but the site is full of awesome refs to practice and get better at anatomy)

Second part BOOKS, I have collected some books that have helped me and might help others.

📚Here is my list:

The "how to draw manga" series produced by Graphic-sha. These are for manga artist but they give great advice and information.

"Creating characters with personality" by Tom Bancroft. A great book that can help not just people who draw cartoons but also realistic ones. As it helps you with facial ques and how to make a character interesting.

"Albinus on anatomy" by Robert Beverly Hale and Terence Coyle. Great book to help someone learn basic anatomy.

"Artistic Anatomy" by Dr. Paul Richer and Robert Beverly Hale. A good book if you want to go further in-depth with anatomy.

"Directing the story" by Francis Glebas. A good book if you want to Story board or make comics.

"Animal Anatomy for Artists" by Eliot Goldfinger. A good book for if you want to draw animals or creatures.

"Constructive Anatomy: with almost 500 illustrations" by George B. Bridgman. A great book to help you block out shadows in your figures and see them in a more 3 diamantine way.

"Dynamic Anatomy: Revised and expand" by Burne Hogarth. A book that shows how to block out shapes and easily understand what you are looking out. When it comes to human subjects.

"An Atlas of animal anatomy for artist" by W. Ellenberger and H. Dittrich and H. Baum. This is another good one for people who want to draw animals or creatures.

Etherington Brothers, they make books and have a free blog with art tips.

📝As for Supplies, I recommend starting out cheap, buying Pencils and art paper at dollar tree or 5 below. If you want to go fancy Michaels is always a good place for traditional supplies. They also get in some good sales and discounts. For digital art, I recommend not starting with a screen art drawing tablet as they are usually more expensive.

For the Best art Tablet I recommend either Xp-pen, Bamboo or Huion. Some can range from about 40$ to the thousands.

💻As for art programs here is a list of Free to pay.

Clip Studio paint ( you can choose to pay once or sub and get updates. Galaxy, Windows, macOS, iPad, iPhone, Android, or Chromebook device. )

Procreate ( pay once for $9.99, IPAD & IPHONE ONLY)

Blender (for 3D modules/sculpting, animation and more. Free)

PaintTool SAI (pay but has a 31 day free trail)

Krita (Free)

mypaint (free)

FireAlpaca (free)

Libresprite (free, for pixel art)

Drawpile (free and for if you want to draw with others)

IbisPaint (free, phone app ONLY)

Medibang (free, IPAD ONLY)

NOTE: Some of these can work on almost any computer like Clip and Sai but others will require a bit stronger computer like Blender. Please check their sites for if your computer is compatible.

So do with this information as you will but as you can tell there are ways to learn how to become an artist, without breaking the bank. The only thing that might be stopping YOU from using any of these things, is YOU.

I have made time to learn to draw and many artist have too. Either in-between working two jobs or taking care of your family and a job or regular school and chores. YOU just have to take the time or use some time management, it really doesn't take long to practice for like an hour or less. YOU also don't have to do it every day, just once or three times a week is fine.

Hope this was helpful and have a great day.

"also apologies for any spelling or grammar errors, I have Dyslexia and it makes my brain go XP when it comes to speech or writing"

[dedtoot]

watched the jsrf documentary recently and i am so unbelievably dissapointed

moved my rant from the tags to here. Spitted too much. Not like it matters to anyone except me cuz post is irrelevant now

Ok ik that i should not have expected something actually accurate from this video, considering how the fandom is and considering that from the very start i've seen the red flags so to say

One of these red flags is that jsrf is "literally LITERALLY just tony hawk games but roller skates". The first actually concerning thing i heard from others about it. It's my go-to way to determine that the person I'm listening to probably has no idea what they're talking about or a really missinformed. Never failed me so far

But oh man, even keeping that in mind, i did not expect whatever i got

Not only there were just no actual game analysis, which is wild, since you're like SAYING why this game is worth being played, but everything actually game related is a straight up lie

YEAH WE'RE GETTING TO LYING ABOUT GAME MECHANICS HERE

First, saying that grind combos areva rhythm game element. It could be just some weird wording, but it's just. Not true at all. Also calling this mechanic "silent". Whatever that supposed to mean. Not only it's not silent because Roboy tutorials exist and this mechanic is there, and nowhere us it said to be rhythm based, only timing based. And the tutorials ARE useful, since the controls were really expended here(using pretty much every button on the controller), but also that's not a silent mechanic purely for the fact that the character itself isn't silent during the entire thing.

Second. Saying that all characters got unique stats and that is showing off their personality. And uhh. What does that say about the love shockers and the immortals, with their stats. Or hell, clutch and jazz, who are literally right next to each other in the character select screen. It's dumb what I'm trying to say.

And not to mention the general overhyping of the game, by saying it's so so deep and thought-provoking oohhh(but then also never mention that one of jsr inspirations was movie fight club.why). And then just. Ignore that this is a game with not much dialogue. And then ignore every character aside dj k?????????

Like I'm not asking about talking about every single character, but at least like. Mention the plot relevant one's ??? Just the ones you can't possibly avoid. I know that dj k is the main man here but he alone does not move the story.

This kind of overhyping genuinely ruined my experience. Like i was under the impression that I'm gonna experience something out of this world and fun. But i came out of it disappointed. Mind you, i still have a lot to like about the game, but it's just. Not this. This is literally the the worst thing you can do when recommending the game. You will disappoint people. It's not this big grand thing because it wasn't allowed to become one. It's a sad but inspiring story about how even despite this, game is still liked. You don't need to pretty it up, lay out the truth.

Next thing about the video is that this is not a game documentary, but some random hot takes with some lies and long history lessons.

History lessons were a good part of it, but the fact that they put the us culture stuff before talking about the japanese culture is umm. This is a game made to portray a japanese culture from the time?? Like specifically. It's confirmed. To the point that one dev did not like the inclusion of grind city levels in jsr, because, in his mind, it was watering down its identity. Not to mention that this practice specifically existed just to make overseas audiences more comfortable, which is real fucking problematic if it's about something culture related imo. Anyway, he has a point.

Absolutely not denying the influences from other cultures here, because that's just stupid and wrong, but get a clue jeez.

And related to getting clues. This video used videos of actual protest while dj k's monologue was playing in the background. YOU JUST DON'T DO THIS. It's gross. It's weird to do even IF the game gets that real. And this game sure as hell doesn't.

Also do not understand who was this vid even made for, since fans will get nothing new out of it and newcomers wont understand what's the game is about and will be thrown into a sudden history lesson

So yeah highly don't reccomend watching

(update. i spitted out most of my problems with it and my comment was removed. so much for that free speech topic present and indorsed in the vid. also i made a vid that explains my points better)

[first-only]

I'm sending this ask to you, cause I don't know who else to rant to, but I just need to rant about this cause I'm honestly at my wits end, and I do value your opinions

But as an artist, I honestly hate a lot of (human) anatomy tutorials, so many of them are so cisgender in nature. But it's not just that. Not only do they ignore transgender (and also intersex) people, they even ignore a lot of cis people. The way they draw, it's like they treat men and women as different species. And I hate it so much. Like how they draw men so angular, with such narrow hips and wide shoulders, and women with their large butts and small waists. (even the way they draw faces pisses me off, like them drawing women as these weird chihuahua like humans, with their tiny noses and small eyes. And men with their tiny eyes and such angular faces. It's honestly uncanny) I honestly think it's so damaging to young/new artists, the way they teach others to draw people

Tbh, this is going into a whole 'nother rant entirely, about how I think a lot of art tutorials are harmful to artists, but I single this one out cause (as a trans person especially) this one has always grinded my gears

People are ultimately going to try and teach what they know best or what they personally want to draw and see

The best approach to this imo is to look at it as learning the basis and then building upon them yourself. Kinda like writing - you learn grammar and lexis, the basis of metaphor and symbolism, how a narrative generally works. But no one can teach you how to build and write something personal and beautiful to yourself, something yours, that speaks to you uniquely. Treat it kinda like a 'learn the rules so you know how to break them' - you have the foundation someone else taught/showed you but then you take off with your own takes and expertise on what you want to make.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying cis skinny bodies are the "default", and I do think that if someone is trying to make an objective tutorial/textbook they should take into account variety, but at the end of the day random How I Draw videos and posts made by other internet users who are just artists on their own and not teachers are not... Objectively Sanctioned Learning Material, ya know? They make what they want to make, and the best you can do is take from it what you can and then build what you want with what you learned.

With that said I do miss the times when artists explaining their process was more common - that way you could ask someone who makes great trans/fat art to give you tips and they would:( Still happens! More rarely tho:(

[jaderimehardt]

👋🏻 So, I ended up not drawing anything for that character's birthday.

I did think of a pose about a day and a half ago but that isn't enough time for me to actually get anything drawn out and colored. I'm too slow and I set myself to too high of standards. Plus factor in irl things and my lack of motivation... 🫠 *shakes head*

If I feel bad about it, it's for a couple of mutuals who like him as much as I do, or more- even. I've kind of grown super attached to a certain B🔹L🔹E🔹A🔹C🔹H boi, to be completely honest with you (I'm bypassing the tagging system with the 🔹's).

They still draw him every year on his birthday, and one even bi-weekly almost. She has supported me every time I draw him by re-tweeting my artwork on Twitter. Probably the only person who acknowledges me like this on a regular basis. The other person supports me also on a bit of a lesser scale, and she draws him often too, but I think she struggles with confidence in her art like I do.

It's not an easy thing... "having confidence" in one's own art. And when you don't see likes or favorites on your art, that confidence drops tremendously. You feel like you've done something wrong. You try to figure out 'what' you did wrong, and when you can't find it- you just want to give up. It's a sinking feeling.

But inevitably most artists pick up the pen or pencil again and draw once more because it's something we love to do. The thing is, this time we're less likely to share it because of that lack of confidence. This is what has been happening to me slowly over the past couple of years (and to a couple friends of mine as well).

People don't seem to realize this.

"Where did all the fanart go?"

Well, you all got so picky with favoriting things, they lost motivation and stopped posting. What did you expect?

If and when I post things, I have a fear of tagging it. 💠 Well if you don't tag it, no one is going to see it- and then you really won't get likes/faves. ⚜️ Yeah no kidding. but then I have a logical reason for WHY no one likes it. Like Twitter, I get under 10-30 impressions on most my posts even with tags. At the very least if it's posted, it's on record/in my portfolio of sorts. It exists in my history somewhere.

I removed all of my stuff off of my DeviantArt a couple years ago. Now I'm sure when I post things people question if I'm genuine or not because they have no history to look at- no 'portfolio'. Though if they went to my Wordpress Blog, they'd see that I've been drawing and posting my stuff for a long time. But no one is going to go and look into me that far in-depth. "Guilty until proven innocent" means nothing when all they want to do is prove you guilty.

That makes me even more hesitant to post things- but I do have all my PSDs with individual layers, so I can always provide proof whenever necessary. And I know where my posts are, with timestamps and dates. I can defend myself. That's all that matters to me.

I made this blog to "be more creatively unhinged" and to "be ramble-y". That includes putting my thoughts out into the open, "having proof on paper", so to speak.

I also want to show people the path that I'm taking, so if they're interested in taking it- they can. But everyone learns differently. Everyone has a different style. I may absorb information one way and apply it in this manner, while someone else may learn it in a completely different way and apply it in a polar opposite format. It's all a matter of who you are, perspective and variables.

So... one day (or a string of days), I'll post a bunch of videos. I did this a few days ago actually, lol. These are learning tools. Other days I may make tutorials (I used to make a lot of these but then I deleted that blog). Some days I'll promote my Etsy shop (this might happen the most, tbh)- featuring a lot of my Resin things, and graphics I'm working on. And on rare occasion some fanart because I'm at the lowest of low with that atm.

If I do anything fanart I'm thinking my OC's... 🤷🏻‍♀️. People dislike OCs, I'm aware of that but it's not like many people (if any) like my stuff anyways. They say to draw for self-satisfaction. I think it's time to follow that.

And I 💓 H🔹I🔹T🔹S🔹U to death, but his hecking fluffy hair man 🫠. I did my best with his hair in my last fanart- spent hours perfecting the lineart... honestly I was so proud of it. But apparently it wasn't everyone's cup of tea 🤷🏻‍♀️. It is what it is. (I'm still happy with it. I love his hair, please never change it Kubo-san 💝)

I might doodle a lot of the Loomis Method heads cause I like drawing faces. Poses/bodies not so much. In time I'll work my way to the poses but I just want to mindlessly doodle. (I hate drawing hands 😒)

Btw here's another vid on that, and I like this one so much better.

I also want & need to do a full graphic image for a puzzle. My Mom and my Step Dad are really big into puzzles right now and they're just passing them around with all their friends. Like some puzzle group, lol 😅

I think it'd be cool to actually design one myself, buy it from my Partner- Printful, gift it to them, they can complete it and then they can pass it around.

Mother's Day and Father's Day isn't that far away. I just have no clue what to make the graphic, lol. All the things they like are copyright and I'm not crossing into those waters.

I need to find something generic 🤔💭

[emotori7]

news about upcoming Winx club CC for The Sims 3

Hello everyone I have some news about upcoming CC as you know I'm not just making CC based off the show I'm also making CC from the comic books as well

bringing back content from the comic books that we missed and didn't get to have in the show

That's right I'm not just going to by the TV show I'm also going by the comic books as well when it comes to making CC so you can clearly tell I have a really big project on my hand so I'm not working on anything else at the moment I'm only strictly working on Winx club CC because how big the project is I plan to completely create Winx club for the Sims 3 or make a Sims 3 version of it

So expect to see CC you ain't familiar with

but also I'm not just making CC I also plan on making videos and not just any videos I plan on recreating the show for The Sims 3 basically a Sims 3 version of it so naturally I basically and making a big project and even bigger project now I'm not really good at video editing I'm still trying to get the hang of making like poses and animations for The Sims 3 Because I'm not really familiar with making animations and stuff but since I don't have anyone to help me with making videos I have no choice but to familiarize myself with it so if anything once I get done creating CC the video making part it's going to be the very last thing and you will be able to find them on my YouTube channel once I finally start making and working on videos I thank God for everyone who has made animations and poses y'all help me a great deal when it comes to making videos because I don't know what goes wrong when I make animations and poses but for some reason even when I follow tutorials there's always like this issue where they don't really seem to work properly in game soto all of the creators who make poses and animations for The Sims 3 y'all are basically a godsend and a blessing because y'all make it so much easier to make videos but like I said I'm not really good at video editing I'm still trying to get the hang of it and everything and I already know that's going to be really time consuming but that's going to be for a more later on project right now the main project is making CC

so basically as you have discovered I have a really big project on my hands to wear I'm only focusing on season 1 right now along with all of the comic books that take place during season 1 and once I finish creating all of the CC that needs to be made and everything that I'm working on

is when I'm going to start working on Layla and just her once I get season 1 out the way along with the videos and everything once I get everything out of the way my main focus will strictly be Layla/Aisha

now someone recently said that she does make an appearance during the time of season 1 not in the show but in the comic books and that she's in her magic Winx form

so I am at least working on her magic Winx form as of right now and once I get done creating it I'm going to reupload my previous post that I made of the other girls magic Winx form and add hers to that post

But other than that I am not going to be working on anything or anyone that takes place in season 2

it's probably going to be some time before I upload her ferry form because I'm having a lot of issues with creating it but once I get done working on it then I'll re-uploading the post of the other girls fairy forms and added into it

but other than that I really can't think of anything else that I need to go over but if I do think of something I'll make another post but other than that I hope everyone has a wonderful day

[justindate9]

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His Major Exhibitions have included; 2017 Gallery Bodalla, solo show, Bodalla, NSW and 2012 Maunsell Wicks Galleries, Huntington Estate Winery, Mudgee Mr Pearson's Major Awards have been; Winner, 2016 John Copes Portrait Prize, Southern Highlands; Adam Portrait Award, New Zealand Portrait Gallery, NZ, 2010; Since the beginning of human consciousness,the portrait artist has been an crucial part of our human journey. The painters throughout time and space have had a task to perpetuate, preserve, enshrine, and document our context... to communicate our evolution and being. {Throughout different periods, portraiture evolved hand-in-hand with civilization, jumping from the bronze age to the space age to pictures of noble families and common folk and of course self-portraiture, and artists further developed paints, techniques and working methods along the way. How does he compare with other Artist throughout history and time..? If we compare his latest exhibition … {Nighthawks is a 1942 painting by Edward Hopper that portrays people sitting in a downtown diner late at night. It is Hopper's most famous work and is one of the most recognizable paintings in American art. Within months of its completion, it was sold to the Art Institute of Chicago for $3,000, and has remained there ever since. Starting shortly after their marriage in 1924, Edward Hopper and his wife, Josephine (Jo), kept a artjournal in which he would, using a pencil, make a sketch-drawing of each of his paintings, along with a precise description of details. His wife Jo Hopper would then provide additional information in which the subject of the painting are, to some degree, illuminated. A review of the page on which "Nighthawks" is entered shows (in Edward Hopper's handwriting) that the intended name of the work was actually "Night Hawks", and that the painting was completed on January 21, 1942. His wife Jo Hopper's meticulous notes about the work give additional information, including the interesting possibility that the painting's evocative title may have had its origins as a reference to the beak-shaped nose of the man at the bar: Night + brilliant interior of cheap restaurant. Bright items: cherry wood counter + tops of surrounding stools; light on metal tanks at rear right; brilliant streak of jade green tiles 3/4 cross canvas at base of glass of window curving at corner. Light walls, dull yellow ocre [sic] door into kitchen right. Very good looking blond boy in white (coat, cap) inside counter. Girl in red blouse, brown hair eating sandwich. Man night hawk (beak) in dark suit, steel grey hat, black band, blue shirt (clean) holding cigarette. Other figure dark sinister back at left. Light side walk outside pale greenish. Darkish red brick houses opposite. Sign across top of restaurant, dark Phillies 5c cigar. Picture of cigar. Outside of shop dark, green. Note: bit of bright ceiling inside shop against dark of outside street at edge of stretch of top of window. The four nameless and uncommunicative night owls seem as isolated and remote from the viewer as they are from one another. (The red-haired woman was actually modelled by the artist's wife, Jo.) Edward Hopper denied that he purposefully infused this or any other of his paintings with symbols of human isolation and urban emptiness, but he acknowledged that in Nighthawks "unconsciously, probably, I was painting the loneliness of a large city."| The Last Supper by Leonardo da Vinci [1452-1519] The Last Supper, painted between 1494 and the beginning of 1498, is considered perhaps the most essential mural painting at the beginning of the enlightenment, "a beauteous and marvelous thing", as Giorgio Vasari wrote in his Lives of the Most Excellent Painters, Sculptors and Architects, in which he speaks of Leonardo and describes the Last Supper. Painter, sculptor, engineer, Leonardo da Vinci embodied the ideal of the many-sided man dreamed of by the Italian Renaissance. | VINCENT VAN GOGH: STARRY NIGHT Starry Night is one of the most famed pieces of art in the world. It is everywhere, too. It can be seen on cups, magnets, etc. Honestly, it sometimes feels as if the painting's fame has exceeded that of its creator. The contrast in styles plays on the natural versus the unnatural, dreams versus reality. Nature could even be attributed to the divine in this work. In Genesis 37:9, Joseph states, "And he dreamed yet another dream, and told it his brethren, and said, Behold, I have dreamed a dream more; and behold the sun and the moon and the eleven stars made obeisance to me." - predicting that one day his family would bow to him as an authority. Some people associate this quote to the painting. Perhaps it is a reference to Van Gogh's family, who doubted the success of his career (with the notable exception of his brother). It could be that Van Gogh simply wanted to breathe in the higher power into his art, as he grew up in a religious household. Divide the painting into three parts. The sky is the divine. It is by far the most dreamlike, unreal part of the painting, beyond human comprehension and just out of reach. Go down one level to the cypress, the hills, and the other trees on the ground. They bend and swirl, still soft angles that match the soft swirls of the sky. The last part is the village. The straight lines and sharp angles divide it from the rest of the painting, seemingly separating it from the "heavens" of the sky. However, note the dots of trees rolled through the village, how the spire of the church stretches up to the sky. Van Gogh brings God to the village.| The Great Wave, from the series Thirty-six Views of Mount Fuji (Fugaku sanjūrokkei)ca. 1830-32 Katsushika Hokusai Japanese Artwork Details 冨嶽三十六景　神奈川沖浪裏 Title: Under the Wave off Kanagawa (Kanagawa oki nami ura), also known as The Great Wave, from the series Thirty-six Views of Mount Fuji (Fugaku sanjūrokkei) Artist: Katsushika Hokusai Period: Edo period (1615-1868) Culture: Japan Medium: Woodblock print; ink and color on paper

[dandelight]

1, 5, 9, 13, 29, 21, 26, 32, 33, 42, 49

sorry it's a lot hgskdk

omg no tysm, i am [gib] over all of these!!

What are your top 3 favorite sets you’ve made?

yennefer week day 2 yennefer & jaskier + nicknames hisirdoux casperan + verbal incantations

5. What is your favorite movie/TV show to gif?

Most of my stuff has been with either The Witcher or Wizards, but i think I actually really like giffing music videos/documentaries? The lighting is so much easier to work with than it is on many tv shows, and while Wizards was pretty easy to work with in a lot of ways, I think I like working with live action footage more because it makes coloring/blending feel a lot more seamless.

9. What/who inspired you to start making gifs?

At this point, I honestly don't even know?? I was making little gifs as soon as I had proper access to Photoshop on my own device, but I think it was just a natural evolution out of the graphics I would make on Instagram in middle/high school. The biggest inspiration was probably all the graphics/gifs coming out of the Kingdom Hearts fandom though.

13. Where or from whom did you learn how to gif?

Basically everything I've learned came from googling tutorials and finding links on tumblr. I think a few aspects of learning how the timeline worked came from making animations & cinemographs in my graphics class, but if I ever wanted to learn a specific technique or was having an issue with my exporting, I just kinda googled things and dug around until I found what I was looking for.

21. PSDs or original coloring for each gif?

oh I have to make the coloring from scratch every time skjskdhfkdsf; I don't think I even have a generic, catch-all base PSD I use. Only if I'm making a set with similarly lit scenes will I make a base PSD for other gifs, but rarely will I ever use it for a different set.

26. How many un posted sets are in your drafts right now?

None actually 😶 I actually only use my drafts to test out how gifs will look and move on the dashboard + how the gifs will look lined up together; I think the only time I finished a set and didn't immediately post it was when I had done work for a fandom event and was waiting to post on a specific date.

29. Have you ever posted a set, realized you made a mistake later but it was already too late?

omg I don't think so, but I did delete my initial post of a set that I uploaded during the whole tag debacle of early 2022 (the yennskier nicknames one actually, lol), but I had already linked it in a few places, so it had already started to be reblogged and now I just can't see any interactions on it in my feed 😔

32. What is your favorite tool/adjustment layer in Photoshop?

Selective color my beloved omg. Though lately I've been doing a bit more similar color adjustment stuff with the Hue/Saturation layer, and have been figuring out how Channel Mixer works, so those are getting up there. Also can never go wrong with a black + color gradient map sdfdsfds

33. Do you like to/can you make edits and graphics too or only gifs?

I used to do edits/graphics on Instagram, and I probably still could do it to some degree? But I've been gif-focused for awhile now, and I actually used to use free online editing websites like Ribbet and PicMonkey for my old edits because I couldn't get access to Photoshop, so I feel like I would need to recalibrate in a way sdsdfsdfds.

42. How is your gif folder organized? Is it organized at all?

It always starts organized whenever I venture into a new fandom. Then I make a ton of other things, and ton of test PSDs and test gifs and whatnot, and now everything is in at least 5 different folders. Tbh this is just a really good reminder for me to start clearing out things I no longer need and to fix up my folders a bit lmaooo

49. How much would you say you’ve improved since you first started giffing?

So much omg??? And like, I'm definitely extremely critical of my stuff, and honestly have so many crying fits over being unable to get the sharpening/speed/coloring of a gif working well in its final state. But I think about the first gif I ever made, just a simple cut from a show with no tweaking whatsoever, to the kind of things I'm able to make now and am just so 🥺❤ And I was proud of a lot of the things I made in the last year, but now that I've recently been able to get a handle on a lot of the issues I've been having, I feel like what I make accurately reflects my ability atm, and I'm genuinely having fun with giffing again 💗

[38riku]

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

synopsis: holiday hc’s with eren, levi, armin and jean

warnings: none

eren yeager

- he really isn’t big on holiday festivities but if you like it then he loves it and that’s that on that

- you want to build a gingerbread house? he’s watched at least 12 tutorials and even bought a small kit to practice

- you want to bake cookies? he’s not the best at baking but he’ll be an A1 sous chef

- matching pajamas all the way.

- he sees them as a “you’re mine, I’m yours” and takes hella pictures and posts them on social media

- professional holiday pictures? this man is on it.

- hair, nails, makeup, whatever you want done it’ll get done and fully paid so you can feel your best and be confident

- his gifts are for you and for him give or take

- a dress or skirt or shirt that he knows you would look gorgeous in and plans to take you out on a date to show it off

- this man walks around with mistletoe and whenever he wants a kiss he dangles it in front of y’all

“would you look at that? looks like you owe me a kiss”

armin arlert

- this man loves the holidays and I will not compromise on this

- he holds you up by the waist to hang the ornaments in hard to reach places on the tree

- literally will not rest until it’s perfect in your eyes

- homemade hot chocolate bombs!

- sharing a blanket with cups of hot chocolate and a holiday movie playing on the television. he has them all on dvd

- he loves Christmas parades!! armin wrapping you in a scarf up to your ears to keep you warm

- when it comes to gift giving he is a wholesome king

- made a VHS tape with all of his fav moments with you and printed out the photos he has taken and scrapbooked it all

- throws in a charm bracelet with charms that remind him of you and little notes as to why

“the earth? am I your world armin?”

“you are but there’s also a moon. because I love you to the moon and back.”

- yes it is cheesy but I got to let it slide

levi ackerman

- not a huge fan of the holidays but naturally good at festivities if you know what I mean

- can single handedly prepare the house and cook christmas dinner before you can say jingle bell

- simultaneously hates and loves having people over

- on one hand he doesn’t want people infiltrating him and his lovers space but he does want them to see your cute decorations and his culinary prowess

- y’all don’t match but coordinating outfits are chef’s kiss

- he has a maroon button up and jeans, you have on a maroon sweater and jeans; the same outfit but not the same outfit

- when it comes to gifts the budget is nonexistent

- designer handbags, shoes, coats, whatever he thinks you deserve and do not complain about the price

- when everyone is gone the two of you clean up in the kitchen

- one of his favorite Christmas songs play from the radio and he takes your hand and twirls you around

“Merry Christmas darling.”

jean kirstein

- very enthusiastic about the holidays but everything seems to go wrong

- he tried to hang house lights and fell on his butt, thankfully it snowed a ton so he didn’t hurt himself

- but the lights snapped and broke

- you went to the store to get him a heating pad for his bum and he tried to bake some cookies as an apology

- you came back to charcoal - i mean jean’s sugar cookies

- poor baby was sad and started sulking that he ruined the holidays

- that was until you two started to play Christmas karaoke in the matching pajamas (that were supposed to be a surprise) and lifted his mood

- in fact it lifted his mood so much he wanted to go door to door caroling

- your neighbors found it adorable and were taking videos and pictures of you two

- making it back home the two of you were super duper tired and you hopped in the shower to warm up

-when you get out the shower Jean was sat on the bed with a box in hand

- inside was the most beautiful ring and he pulled out his chain with a matching band on it from under his shirt

“Whenever you need me I’ll be there. Merry Christmas love.”

hope this was okay :’)

© 2021 38riku. all rights reserved.

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 20] FINAL

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, sex toys, shibari, dom!seungcheol, dirty talk, overstimulation/forced orgasms, squirting, degradation, name calling, daddy!kink, gags! 😍💕 ✨HAPPY NEW YEAR!!✨ Here’s to more fun fics in 2021! I can’t believe this is our last chapter though omg 😭 It’s been suuuuch a journey and a privilege to write this little series out! I’ve honestly thought about a camgirl/boy series for like, over a year now, and I’m glad I finally did it! I completed one of my goals! 🥺💕 2020 was definitely a wild one, but I want to thank you all so fuckin’ much for supporting me and stickin’ it out with me all year! Here’s to more in the coming year!💕 Also I was proofreading this at the dining table last night thinking my roommate wouldn’t come out of their room but they did(while I was making dinner and my hands were dirty so I couldnt close my laptop ☠️) and they walked past my laptop and now I’m convinced they saw my fucking smut fic right in the open so yes my little mini-break next week is MUCH needed cause I am ✨embarrassed✨ 🤣 I’ll still do my inbox roundup tomorrow and probably answer a bunch of small thirst posts ‘n stuff throughout the week but there won’t be any drabbles! For now, enjoy chapter 20 🥺, have a safe weekend, and remember that I love you~ ❤️🍒💕

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 COMPLETE

Seungcheol wakes up much earlier than you do the next morning; pressing a kiss to your forehead as you groan and snuggle deeper into your pillow.

“Baby, I need to go run some errands for a little bit, okay? Just keep sleeping, you don’t need to get up yet. But, I made breakfast and put it in the microwave for you when you decide to get up later.”

His voice is muffled and you can barely understand what he’s saying but you nod; a soft sigh on your lips when you drift back into dreamland. He takes his time getting ready, checking his phone notifications as he gets dressed and places a note on the nightstand knowing that you didn’t catch a single word he said.

‘Hey, did you get everything I asked for?’

Jimin🧍🏻: of course, who do you think I am? Jeongguk?

Jimin🧍🏻: and btw, i’m just giving you a crash course okay? We don’t really have a ton of time

Jimin🧍🏻: did you watch those tutorial videos I sent you?

‘Yeah, I did some practice on my breaks, but I guess you can tell me if I’m doing anything wrong.’

Jimin🧍🏻: okee, i’ll be waiting. Don’t get here too late!

‘I’ll be otw soon. Thanks again, Jimin.’

“Ow--damn, okay, you don’t need to tug on it so much!”

“Sorry, I’ll be careful! And why are we practicing on you anyway?! Couldn’t you just have shown me pictures or something?”

“How else will you learn if not on an actual body? It doesn’t work the same way, Seungcheol.” Jimin pauses, checking himself in the mirror. “Also, keep in mind she does have boobs so just… go slow, okay? It’s not gonna sit like this on her.”

Seungcheol blushes a crimson red; biting the inside of his cheek at how amateur he was at this.

“Okay…”

Seungcheol is gone for a lot longer than you anticipate and although he replies quickly to your texts, you can’t help but be curious about where he’d gone and what he was doing.

Especially knowing that the two of you had to film tonight and knowing that everything was up to Seungcheol.

A shiver rolls down your body at the thought and you quickly try to shake off the nerves that seem to slowly invade your body when your mind starts to wander.

“It’ll be fine, I’m sure…”

“I’m home!”

“Where have you--oh, that’s… a b-big box? Um, should I be concerned...”

Seungcheol grins, shrugging as he sets it onto the kitchen counter. “Just some supplies for tonight. I had to go pick them up from a friend but I had to make sure everything was right.” He notices the way you can’t seem to take your eyes off of the box; eyes twinkling when he makes his way towards you.

He tilts your head up to meet his in a searing kiss, lips easing into a smile when you wrap your arms around his neck and melt under his touch. You moan against his lips just before he pulls away; staring dreamily at him while his hands start to roam over your clothed body.

“We have a long night ahead of us, sweetheart. Let’s pamper you a little before then, hmm?”

j__min: ??? where’s the loverboy

j__min has donated $200

angelhan has donated $75

therealchan99 has donated $50

xcaliburDK has donated $75

xcaliburDK: is that the sybian? Haven’t seen that in a looong while

You bite your lip and nod, somewhat shy as you sit alone in front of the camera. “Seungcheol’s still… setting up but he told me to start! I’m a little nervous, to be honest…” Your eyes flit to Seungcheol who rummages through the box in the kitchen and from the angle you’re sat in, you can’t see a single thing he takes out.

Earlier, he’d cooked you your favorite meal and even took the time to give you a full body massage before the two of you cuddled on the sofa and watched a movie. To you, it seemed a little too suspiciously tame and you only found yourself more nervous when he made you drink two glasses of water and ever so quietly announced it was time to start getting ready for the camshow.

“He’s being so suspicious! He was even gone for a few hours earlier today…” You mumble; brows furrowed at the camera before checking the comments.

It still amazed you every time with how much money you and Seungcheol made from the camshows and videos and it made you feel even better knowing that everyone loved the chemistry the two of you had together. There were a lot of video requests and ideas mixed in with the comments at any given time and you were definitely ready to pitch some to Seungcheol now that you’d rebranded your channel to be a couple’s channel instead.

“Almost done, sweetheart!”

gc__koo: he told me to watch cuz he was being suspicious with me too 

gc__koo has donated $50

alphagyu97: what is he even plotting

alphagyu97: i am excited to see the sybian again tho ngl

artist8hao: pretty baby gonna squirt for us again?

universe_WZ: hell fuckin yea let us see how fuckin wrecked you get on that machine

You feel your pussy clench around emptiness at their comments; already feeling yourself getting wetter and wetter with the anticipation.

Movement out of the corner of your eye catches your attention and Seungcheol walks towards the bed with a wide smile and the same box in hand. “Ready?” You can only nod back slowly, watching as he dumps the contents of the box right next to your body.

gc__koo: oy

chwenon: oh shit

sleepy_wonu: oh baby, you’re in for it now

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

Your entire body fills with warmth as you look over the various objects; unsure of where to really look first. “I, um--”

A stack of red ropes sits next to a small bullet vibrator that sits next to a ball gag that sits next to a pair of EMT shears and your eyes immediately flit up to Seungcheol who only smirks back at your shocked expression. “I had some other toys I wanted to use but I figured I should go easy on you, y’know? Since you showed me some mercy last night.”

Nodding, you reach out towards the ropes, touching them shyly. “Why red?”

“Thought they’d be on theme for you, babygirl.”

Seungcheol takes his time; remembering Jimin’s words when he tugs the ropes around your wrists.

“Colour, babygirl?”

“G-green… daddy…”

He nods, sitting up on his knees behind you as you sit on the sybian and face the camera. You bite your lip, somewhat embarrassed that you were already soaking the toy underneath you as Seungcheol worked to bind your arms behind you.

“D--daddy, where did you l-learn this?” You whisper, somewhat curious if this had anything to do with why he was gone for so long earlier in the day.

“Mm, daddy’s friend Jimin was kind enough to help me get the tools and teach me a few tricks to make sure I kept my babygirl safe. Wasn’t that kind of him?” You nod gently, gulping when you shift atop the machine slightly in hopes of relieving some of the growing sexual tension in your body. “Why don’t you thank him properly, sweetheart?”

Your hazy eyes make eye contact with the camera, head tilted slightly. “T-thank you, J-Jimin… for--for helping daddy…”

j__min: omg a shoutout ive made it

kitty_junjun: we never thought we’d see the day

tangerine_kwan: and here we all thought you were gonna be the bad guy huh

hoshi_tiger_xx: like when u only see previews of the book online but the rest of it is different ykwim

Seungcheol makes sure your arms are bound snug enough but not too tight; leaning away slightly to admire his rope work. “Feeling okay so far, babygirl?”

Nodding, you whine back slightly. “Y-yes, daddy… But… my--my pussy wants s-something…” He laughs in return, readjusting so that he’s sitting on your side this time to give himself easier access to start the rest of the bindings.

“Is that so? You’re gonna have to be a little more patient this time ‘cause daddy’s not done yet.” He starts working on the rest of the harness; going slow and checking in with you often to make sure none of the ropes were digging into your skin or making you uncomfortable. “You’ll have to forgive me a little though, I’m admittedly a ‘lil inexperienced so our pretty babygirl is only going to be tied up in this pretty harness for tonight.”

gentleman_josh95: the fact u even took the time to learn just for her

gentleman_josh95 has donated $100

artist8hao: seriously, the dedication

kitty_junjun: we stan a man who knows safety and etiquette 

Comments of reassurance and donations flood in at Seungcheol’s small apology and although the two of you are in your own world; you can tell from just the amount of pings coming from your laptop that they all seemed to be encouraging him.

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence as Seungcheol continues to move around you on the bed to finish the harness and a smile graces his lips when he starts to secure the last knots in the back. He can’t help but mentally pat himself on the back at how neatly he’d done it for his first time.

“There. All done, baby.”

Your eyes flit to the laptop’s screen to see yourself; cheeks hot when you see how fucked out you already look and he hadn’t even touched you properly or turned on the machine.

The star harness Seungcheol had tied looks pretty with red ropes and you can’t hide your smile at how good it looks on you too either. “Ah, daddy made it really p-pretty… Thank you.”

This time, Seungcheol nods, letting you admire yourself as he silently reaches for the small remote for the sybian, switching it on.

Your entire body lurches forward as soon as the vibrations attack your clit and you immediately find yourself moaning and grinding down onto the machine as he gives you some relief.  

“You’re welcome, babygirl. Now let’s really have some fun, huh?”

You need to cum.

Badly.

“Awww, is my pretty baby drooling? Does it feel that good on your sensitive ‘lil clit?” He teases, smoothing down your hair as you cry around the ball gag in your mouth; drool seeping out from the side of your lips when he raises the vibrations a setting higher.

You don’t know how many times he’d played with the settings and edged you by now, but all you do know is that the urge to cum only grows stronger as you grind against the machine, soaking it with your wetness as you chase the pleasure building up in your body again.  

Surely cumming was okay, right? He never said you couldn’t.

You whimper around the ball gag, eyes fluttering shut when the tension in your body snaps in the blink of an eye and your thighs clamp down onto the sides of the machine. Throwing your head back, you moan against the gag and ride out your high as Seungcheol watches you from the side.

“Mm, bet that felt good, huh? But I know you want something in that greedy ‘lil cunt of yours, don’t you? You want daddy’s cock slamming into your tight ‘lil hole ‘til it’s full of my cum, right, sweetheart?” He licks his lips, turning off the sybian as you slump forward.

universe_WZ: shit shes so sensitive

chwenon: especially with her arms bound like that i bet she’s on cloud nine rn

gentleman_josh95: her cute lil head is probably all fuzzy already from all the sensations

therealchan99 has donated $100

gc__koo has donated $75

j__min has donated $150

All you can do is whimper and nod; teary eyes blinking back at Seungcheol as he smirks and leans in towards you.

“Mmm, you’ll get what you want eventually. But for now, you’re gonna cum again.”

He turns the sybian back on, licking his lips when he sees your body tensing again. It was always easier to get you to cum a second time and his point is proven when you mewl around the ball gag a few minutes later; chest heaving in stuttered breaths as you try to shy away from the toy still vibrating against your overly sensitive clit when you’re quickly thrown into another orgasm.

“You always cum for daddy so easily, don’t you, babygirl?”

Your head feels fuzzy after already cumming twice in such a short span of time but you nod, head lolling to the side as Seungcheol finally turns the sybian off for good.

Seungcheol gives you a second to catch your breath before he’s scooting in and fiddling with the clasps at the back of your head to take the ball gag off.

A thread of saliva connects your lips to the gag and you whimper at how good it feels to be able to actually speak again. “D-daddy…” Drool drips from your mouth as your lead lolls forward and Seungcheol is quick to bring a hand up to keep your head up as he looks into your lust filled eyes.

“Colour, sweetheart?”

“Still g-green…” He nods back, checking to make sure none of the ropes had shifted. “Would you like some water before we continue, baby?”

“Yes, daddy…”

He fetches you a glass of water, tilting it against your lips as you down the entire glass and you find yourself a little surprised at how needed it was. “Thank you, d-daddy…”

“You’re welcome, babygirl. Ready to keep going?”

You nod, a little bit more energized. “I hope everyone, mmh, l-likes the show so f-far~” Your teary vision prevents you from reading the comments and before you can even make an effort to, Seungcheol is already helping you off of the machine and helping you sit on the bed across from him.

alphagyu97: ugh she looks so fucking good in that harness

angelhan: right? That shade of red looks so good against her skin too

angelhan: so fuckin pretty

tangerine_kwan: pics for the private room later? Plz i beg

Seungcheol takes this time to take off his boxer briefs, cock curving up against his abdomen when he’s fully naked across from you. He wraps a hand around his cock, moaning and spreading the precum down his shaft as you watch. “D’you want this, baby?”

Your lips fall open in a silent moan as you watch Seungcheol jerk himself off and you can’t help but squirm. “Y-yes…”

“Tell me exactly what you want then. Let them hear what a filthy little slut you are for me.” You can’t help but feel miserably empty watching him and despite having already cum twice, you want his cock fucking you open and making you cum again.

“I--I--”

“Yes, babygirl?”

“I, ngh, I want d-daddy’s cock… Please? Ah, I--I wanna feel you fucking my--my pussy into the, mmh, s-shape of your c-cock… And I w-want you to c-cum inside my--my slutty little h-hole…”

Seungcheol scoffs, hips shallowly thrusting up into his enclosed fist. “That’s right. You’re just my slutty ‘lil babygirl that lets me use all her tight holes how I please, right? You like it when I cum down your throat and in your pretty ‘lil ass. But we all know you like it best when I cum in your hot ‘lil cunt. Makes you feel all warm and full, doesn’t it? You like it when my cum is dripping out of your spent cunt and sliding down your shaky thighs.” This time you nod furiously as you whine back in response.

“P-please… Can’t wait any--anymore!”

This time, the impatience takes over as you slightly tug on the ropes; whining when they don’t give. “Daddy!”

And this time, he gives in quicker than he anticipates, growling as he reaches for the EMT shears to cut you from the harness. “Don’t let your arms down, no matter how much you want to. You’re going to strain your arms if you move too fast so let me handle it, okay, sweetheart?”

The sudden gentleness in his voice has a giddy warmth pouring over you as you nod and sit still while he cuts at various points of the harness to make the ropes fall loose around your arms and chest. You keep your arms in the same position like he requested and you soon feel his hands roaming your skin and massaging your arms to get the blood flowing again.

“You’re so good for me, baby.” He whispers against your hair, leaning down to kiss your shoulder before he slowly easing your arms down from being folded behind your back.

He continues to massage your arms for a few more minutes before it’s you that’s getting impatient. “Daddy… Can you fuck me now?” Whispering, you slightly turn your body to the side to meet his gentle stare.

Seungcheol laughs under his breath, nodding. “Lay on your back for me, legs spread.”

You follow his orders as you quickly scramble to get into position; legs spread wide for him to situate himself between.

“Mm, your pussy is still so fuckin’ wet. I wanna taste you on my tongue, baby.” Whines spill from your lips as you shake your head ‘no.’

“No! My p-pussy feels empty, I need y-your cock, daddy… ‘n I’m so wet, you can probably, ah, just s-slide your cock in…”

He wraps a hand around his cock just as you wrap your legs around his waist and he guides himself until the head of his cock is right at your entrance.

Neither of you say a word as he slowly starts to sink his cock in; guttural moans on his lips when he meets no resistance and bottoms out in a singular thrust. “Holy fuck, your cunt is so fuckin’ wet. Shit, and so t-tight!” You clench around him, already feeling good with his cock inside of you as you beg him to fuck you hard and fast.

“Ngh, p-please fuck me like--like I’m your, hah, c-cocksleeve… I want it f-fast, daddy!”

He grits his teeth at your words; drawing his hips back before snapping them into you just how you wanted. “Fast, hmm? All you think about in that pretty head of yours is my cock pounding you open, huh? Slamming into you so fuckin’ good, it makes your toes curl when you cum.”

Seungcheol starts a quick pace, already feeling the pleasure building up for himself when you’re reduced to garbled noises and broken cries of his name. The heels of your feet dig into the small of his back as you try to press him in closer and he’s quick to reach for the small bullet vibrator left on the bed next to your body.

“Your body is so fuckin’ sensitive, I can already feel how tight you’re getting around me. So fuckin’ greedy to cum too. Already came twice and you still want more. You’re not satisfied until your whole body is shaking underneath me, huh, sweetheart?” He turns the small toy on, pressing it to your clit as you yelp and let out choked sobs.

“Ah, ngh, d-daddy, my--my clit’s t-too sen--sensitive! I--I can’t--!” Squirming, you feel the pressure building up obscenely quick; bottom lip quivering when he takes one of your free hands and makes you hold the toy to your swollen clit.

“Just a little more, sweetheart. Don’t you wanna cum?”

He angles his thrusts to graze against your g-spot and loud cries of his name leave your lips in a hurried, jumbled mess when he only doubles his pace.

The sound of donations and comments pour in like water and get lost within the ringing in your ears; unable to even warn Seungcheol that you’re about to cum when you feel your entire body starting to lock up underneath him.

Your lips part in a silent scream and your back bows off of the bed, thighs shaking uncontrollably as you cum for the third time. Seungcheol growls, fucking you through it as you squirt all over his lower half.  He finds it harder and harder to thrust into you as you cum, but he feels himself quickly following suit with your warm walls fluttering around his cock.

“Fuck, baby, that’s right. Squirt for me, get me fuckin’ soaked while you cum.” He uses a free hand to make sure you keep the toy pressed to your clit, growling when he starts to unload his cum inside of you. “Mmh, gonna fill your cunt up with what you want, baby.”

A shaky moan leaves your lips as you feel him throbbing inside your pussy; walls clamped down onto him in a vice grip as you ride out the remnants of your orgasm.

“Ah, d-daddy’s cumming suh--so much inside of my p-pussy…”

Whining, you feel Seungcheol’s grip on your hand give way as he rides out his pleasure and you take the opportunity to turn off the small bullet vibrator while he doesn’t notice.

You watch his face contort in pleasure, hips still shallowly thrusting into you as his entire body shivers above you.

“D-daddy’s so h-handsome...” You mumble, cheeks hot when he cracks a smile through the pleasure wracking his body and chuckles under his breath. 

“Thank you, babygirl.” 

After you end the show, Seungcheol makes sure to cuddle with you on the bed for a little while longer.

“One more glass of water, baby.” You whine in response, pouting up at him before he gets up from the soaked sheets. 

“But I already had a glass! If you have a piss kink just say so, ‘Cheol!”

He lets out a boisterous laugh at your comment, trudging back to the bed from the kitchen with another glass of water for you. “You need to be hydrated, sweetheart. You came three times and we played a little more rough today. I just wanna make sure you’re okay.” 

“Fine, but you didn’t deny my comment.” You snarkily reply, taking the glass from him as you down the water. 

“Don’t make me have to punish you again! I’ll have you know I still need to get you all washed up and change the bed--”

A faint pinging has the two of you turning to the laptop; still on your camming homepage from where you’d checked the revenues from tonight’s show. 

A small [1] sits above your inbox and Seungcheol is quick to turn to you with an eyebrow raised. “I thought you turned off the messaging system on your profile?” 

You tilt your head in confusion, handing him the emptied glass. “I did. The only messages I should get are from, like, the actual system admins or other creator accounts which, I haven’t received any ‘til... now, I guess?”

Seungcheol sets the glass down onto the nightstand before he takes a seat next to you, dragging the laptop closer as you go to check the notification. 

“’Love&Letter Films’? Aren’t they one of the biggest adult film companies?” Mumbling, you click on the message, giving yourself and Seungcheol a second to process the message that stares back at you; a shocked smile on your lips.

‘Hello!

I hope this message finds Cherry and Seungcheol well. 

We, at ‘Love&Letter Films’, have really enjoyed the shows and videos from your channel throughout the years and we really have enjoyed watching the growth of your channel and the addition of Seungcheol to it. The dynamics between the two of you are rare in this industry and we’ve yet to see anyone like the two of you in this market. 

The shows from the last two nights have proven that the two of you have the right kind of chemistry to film together for bigger productions and we would love to hire you for a few film productions we have planned in the upcoming weeks as a feeler. Of course, all expenses paid by us if you would kindly take our offer. 

We love the various scenes and roles that the two of you take on with ease and we would love to help propel your careers forward, should you pursue a career in the adult entertainment industry. 

Please don’t hesitate to contact me as I’ve listed my contact information below. I’m excited to hear from the two of you and hope to work with you in the future on many projects.

Respectfully, 

Kwon Soonyoung, L&L FILMS CEO’

[putschki1969]

2022/03/31 Blog post by Wakana 春だけのお楽しみ！！〜桜とアイスクリームとカップルと〜 

❗This is Fan Club EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ Do ❗NOT SHARE❗ on other sites ❗ Join her FAN CLUB! Check out my detailed TUTORIAL ❗

Joys of Spring！！〜Sakura, Ice Cream and a Couple〜

This may come out of nowhere but I am actually a big fan of Baskin Robbins’s "Chocolate Chips" ice cream! ️🍦 However, this flavour was discontinued several years ago ... I was really sad about this and every time I saw a store, I was hoping for them to bring back Chocolate Chips (;_;)

Recently they have brought it back as a limited-time flavour! !! \\\\ ٩ ('ω') و //// Now all I want is to buy 10 cups with a Double Scoop of Chocolate Chips, put them in my freezer, and eat them one by one 🤣

Hello, this is Wakana (0￣ ▽ ￣0) /

They no longer offer 31%OFF on the 31st  but I still love to go there on the 31st ... It has become a habit (* ´-`) [※Note: In Japan, “Baskin Robbins” is called “31″]

In the past when I went there on the 31st, I really bought 10 cups of Chocolate Chips flavour, put hem in the freezer and ate one every day 🤣🤣 I love it  too much *laughs*

By the way, the other day I posted some pictures of Sakura on Instagram, today I will post some more shots of Sakura from another place ♪ The day after it was announced that they were in full bloom, I went to SHARE GREEN MINAMI AOYAMA’s "SOLSO PARK" which I had visited visited before when I shot my BS Fuji's program 😉 I had some tea, doted on plants and went to the nearby park! Once there, a big and splendid cherry tree welcomed me 🌸 I also made a video (* ^^ *) It was a very lovely day with a warm and gentle breeze.

On a side note, when I was relaxing on the terrace and sipping on my tea, I suddenly noticed a couple close by and was absolutely smitten by how beautiful both of them looked. Nowadays, everyone usually wears a mask so I can't really see anything but inside the cafe I was able to see everyone’s face. Really, it was an ideal couple, such a handsome man and such a beautiful woman, they looked like they were literally right out of a shojo manga! Their were super fashionable and had the perfect heights to complement each other ... They were so amazing that I really couldn’t help staring at them🤣🤣 Somehow they made me happy~ 🥰

Until next time~ ☆ (*'▽' *) /

*** Wakana ***  (Source)

2022/04/02 Blog post by Wakana Tシャツデザイン大公開！！〜お待たせしております…〜

❗This is Fan Club EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ Do ❗NOT SHARE❗ on other sites ❗ Join her FAN CLUB! Check out my detailed TUTORIAL ❗

Reveal of my T-Shirt Design！！〜Thank you for being patient with me…〜

Everyone~! ️ \\\\ ٩ ('ω') و //// Today I have some great news for you! I finally got a finished sample of the t-shirt that we all designed together during the Shark Festival Special ~! ️ ((o (^ ∇ ^) o))

Without further ado, let me show you the whole thing! ️Tadaaaa!! !! !! !! In these photos I am holding the L sized version! A drawing of Rap-chan's is on the front and on the back we have the score for our "Shark Song".

And here are my drafts, a couple of things are different from my design, please let me elaborate 😳😳💦 First of all, I am not happy with the colour of Rap-chan's back, it should be a lighter green.

As for the design itself, I screwed up a little when trying to communicate my wishes （ ;  ; ） I tried several patterns for the tail length on smaller sheets of paper and finally decided on the length you see pasted to the left black white drawing. Unfortunately, with the paper stuck on the drawing, our manufacturer didn’t see the full line of Rap-chan’s coloured back part so the line ended up looking completely different 😂😂 Major Fail🥺

Of course there were several opportunities to check the design before the sample was completely finished, but I was too caught up with the colour scheme to notice the wrong line on the back. It’s 100% my fault （ ;  ; ）（ ;  ; ） Shame on m!! I really need to do some serious soul-searching and repent for this mistake!

It's such a small thing but for the life of me, I couldn't live with that design so I was selfish and asked the responsible staff members to redo the design... ️ (Please forgive me, staff members!)

That's why it will take a little longer to deliver the t-shirts!! Everyone, I am really really sorry to keep you waiting! 😭 The autographed postcards with the T-shirt design have already been printed so you will receive this Rap-chan with the old design 🥺 Every time I compare the postcard and T-shirt, I will be reminded of my little mishap *laughs* I guess this way it will remain an unforgettable memory!!! 😭

So this was only the first public reveal of the design \ (^ o ^) / I will let you know when the finished t-shirts will be shipped out !! !! Please wait a little longer while dreaming of the day when the t-shirt that we designed together will finally arrive at your door step. I hope you will like it ... ☆

*** Wakana *** (Source)

[mdpthatsme]

4t2 Hair Texture Tutorial

So this is for @frauhupfner​ or anyone curious in reply to THIS post.

In this tutorial, I will show you how to resize the Sims 4 textures for better sized files for the Sims 2.  This tutorial can also be used for accessories.  And for beginners, this is a simple tutorial.  Don’t be afraid!

Edit: I made a video for those that are more visual learners.  It has no sound and can be found here: https://youtu.be/bgZ3UR_E3QU

Picture heavy with commentary under the cut:

So what do you need for this tutorial?  Well, you will be converting hair so Blender, Milkshape, Simpe, MeshToolKit, etc.  You already got all that for the conversion.  This is just for the texture specifically.  So you will need a photo-editing program.  I have Photoshop, but for this tutorial, I am going to be using Photopea because not everyone has Photoshop and Photopea is totally online and free to use.  They are a lot alike.  So if you have Photoshop, this should be very similar.

Let’s start with a preface to get you acquainted with the Materials tab and Texture Coordinate Editor in Milkshape.  Let’s start by pulling up that hair you are converting.

Select the hair mesh group and click over to the Materials tab.  

Let’s hit the New button, then the first <none> and find our texture, select it and then click the Assign button.  I generally change “Default” to “Ignore Alpha” to see the textures better.

You should have something like this. If not, right click on the 3D model and make sure “Textured” is selected.  I also make sure “Draw Backfaces” is unselected because backfaces will not show up in the game.

Let’s go to Window->Texture Coordinate Editor.

So I have scaled the image to .45 so we can view it better.  You will notice that the texture for the hair will be a vertical rectangle (traditionally 1024x2048 pixels) with the texture of the hair on the top portion of the image.  Sims 4 models have their textures for the sims on one texture file so hair and accessories will be on the top half, clothes and shoes on the bottom half.

Exit out of the Texture Coordinate Editor and click the Delete button in the Materials tab.  Let’s get our texture ready!

So this is where our tutorial really begins.  Go to Photopea (or whatever photo-editor you are using). Click File and Open then find where you have your project saved.  Select the texture.

Click Image->Canvas Size.

In the window set the Anchor to the top middle box.  Then set the height to 1024 (make sure it is set to pixels) so that the image will be a perfect square 1024x1024. Click OK.

Edit: If you encounter a 2048x4096 (because I notice they are becoming popular for some stupid reason), click the top left anchor and set width/height as 1024x1024.

Your screen should look like this now.  This is exactly what we want.

So now we File->Export As->PNG.  This gives us the transparent parts we want in the image.  This is especially helpful for when you convert alpha hair.

(This part is a little different than Photoshop. You can select the kind of image you want it saved as in the Save dialogue box.)

So it will save in your Downloads folder, at least that’s where mine did.  Since this is my first time using Photopea, I’m not sure if there’s a way to change the navigation, but for tutorial purposes, just find where it saved and move it to where you have saved your project files.

Back in Milkshape, go through the process of adding our new texture size (like we did at the top).  You will notice that it does not look quite right.  We are going to fix that. Promise!

In the Texture Coordinate Editor, you will notice the red dots (which are the vertices of the mesh) are squished.  Let’s un-squish them.

First, let’s check the “Lock X.” This will make sure nothing shifts horizontally.  Next, hit Scale, then change 1.0 to 2.0 in the second Factor box.  Then hit the “S” box.

Edit: If the original image size was 2048x4096, do not Lock X and set both factor boxes to 2.0 and hit the “S” box.

If you do those steps above correctly, it will look like this now.  The reason why this does not work for clothes is because it is on the bottom portion of the image so it does not automatically snap where the clothes are and you have to move it vertically to fit.  Luckily though, hair and accessories just snap where you want it.

If we view our hair, it should look like this.  This is what we want.  You can exit out of the Texture Coordinate Editor and continue with your conversion.

Tutorial now over. 

Edit: Remember when you go to select your image in SimPE during the converting process to select the resized 1024x1024 image; otherwise, it is set to the wrong one.  I know this seems like a common sense thing, but above you can see how these look similar, but you want the pink texture on the left.

[crazybutgood]

The Perfect Gift

Happy birthday Neville and Harry! Here is the finished product of this Drarryville WIP, featuring a nervous Draco trying to decide on the best gifts for his boyfriends. Thank you @curlyy-hair-dont-care for the amazing and quick beta and your encouragement. Thank you fantalf for cheering me on through my frustration (much of Draco's exasperation here definitely mirrors my own 😬) while I folded these stubborn cacti 🙈

Here's the bulleted list of my HC, followed by the image of the origami I folded at the end (please click on image for better quality!) :

Draco has a YouTube channel, posts videos feat. fun creative artsy stuff he likes to do including makeup tutorials, origami tutorials, sometimes with voiceovers. 

Draco's too worked up over thinking of a perfect gift for his boyfriends, Harry and Neville, and before he knows it, there's a week remaining. One night when Harry's cooking a lovely dinner for them, as Draco soaks in the comfort and domesticity of the night, he plans to make something handmade for Harry and Neville's birthday because it's more special and what to get two people who can buy whatever they want? Plus the two also like to occasionally give handmade, heartfelt gifts to Draco too and he wants to do so as well.

With 5 days remaining, Draco films a video to post later, a bday special for his boyfriends: folding an origami cactus. The video has a voiceover. He talks about how the origami part of this gift is a throwback to the paper cranes he folded for Harry back in school, amused at the thought of how they used to fight often then and the antics he did to gain his attention, and now he had it. He goes on to talk about how there used to be animosity between him and Neville too, and how far the three have come from that time, fondly speaking about some memories of how their relationship progressed. He mentions how the cactus part of his gift is because of Neville's love for plants. 

His recounts are interrupted with a few curse words and slight yells of frustration as he tries to get the folds right. He knows he's going to have to edit these out later.

A few hours later, Draco pauses his filming, grumpy, hungry and upset. He's got the cacti alright, but he struggles to fold the flower pot. Along the way of his journey down memory lane, he was inspired to use one of the small candle holders that Harry had placed candles in during their anniversary dinner to use as a makeshift flowerpot. He threw in small stones that the three had collected from their vacation together at the beach.

4 days remaining, Draco tries again to fold the pot and succeeds. He studies his handiwork and can't help the gnawing feeling that this video special and the cacti gifts are inadequate. He's a perfectionist, and doubts if this is good enough for Harry and Neville.

The last few days before 31st, Draco spends miserably overthinking if his gift is ok and gives in and hits the shops to buy Neville actual exotic plants, throwing in a cactus as well. He buys cookbooks for Harry which include cuisines he mentioned he wants to give a try. Draco skims through the book and throws in seeds for some of the herbs needed for some recipes in the gift pile—they can grow those in their thriving garden.

Harry and Neville are delighted by his gifts, which Draco is relieved about. He's secretly sad about not being able to give them the origami cacti. Harry and Neville pick up on Draco's off mood, trying to lighten it with reassurances that his gifts are lovely and also with their usual banter. When it barely helps, Harry asks what's wrong, making a quip about Draco being as prickly as the cactus.

Draco snaps and fires back that he hopes Harry pricks his finger on the stupid cactus, and cacti are just hard to deal with, ok? Lord knows they gave him paper cuts when he— Draco stops talking, realising his slip up about the paper cut, stammering out a half-hearted cover up.

Harry and Neville pick up on it and realise that Draco must've got a paper cut while folding something. While Draco waves off their mild concern about the minor injury, they ask him if he'd actually folded a cactus too?

Draco hesitates before admitting that he did. He goes to retrieve the paper cacti, in their flower pots—one made of paper and one a makeshift pot using the candle holder—and sets them down in front of Harry and Neville, quietly explaining what he'd actually planned to do, and that he didn't think it was good enough. 

Neville cuts him off with a firm yet gentle reassurance about how Draco shouldn't doubt himself and his abilities, and how could he think that Harry and he wouldn't like anything Draco got them? The fact that Draco went through the whole process of making something for them made it all the more special. 

Draco is sniffling a bit and is largely relieved as he's enveloped in a hug from Neville and Harry. Harry lightly jokes that Draco is actually a softie, and he can't believe that Draco was going to keep this secret from them and they've got to watch his video now. Draco lets out a watery laugh as he smacks Harry's arm but agrees to show it to them.

The two absolutely melt over the video and suggest doing a cameo appearance at the end where Harry and Neville tease Draco about being a sap but also seriously say how much Draco's gifts and the man himself mean to them, and it's just a short soft session of the three reminiscing about the past a bit, light-hearted witty banter, and teary declarations of love.

Image description: a picture of two origami cacti, one tall and one short, folded using green paper. The tall one on the left is placed in a candle holder with the quote 'Continue to keep the flame alive.' The cactus is surrounded by colourful pebbles in the candle holder. The short cactus on the left is placed in an origami pot folded using brown paper and a bit of the crushed cream coloured paper balls intended to resemble pebbles are peeking out from the pot.

[simtanico]

Hi! I don't know if this is an annoying/difficult question, sorry if it is, but do you have any advice at all for modelling sims based off real people? Your sims are SO crazy good. When I try to make them they end up looking... eh... Vaguely like the person? But there's a huge gap between that and some kind of 'spark' some simmers seem to manage to capture.

Hello! Definitely not annoying. Difficult, as in how difficult it is to answer? Maybe. I'm gonna go off on a couple of tangents. But I'm gonna try my best to explain the process. Which isn't really much of one sorry.

There's a handful of tutorials and tips out there regarding reference photos and like... proportions and all that so I won't cover that.

I use that as a general guide of course, but mostly I just save some photos of the person at various angles and focus on one feature or two at a time. Literally going back and forth between reference photo and my game. I think if you try to get everything at the same time, it really makes it easy to get frustrated with whatever your sim looks like at the moment. Making sims in general is a combination of a LOT of things depending on your style.

I can point out ALL the flaws with my sims based on real people. In my experience, it’s about getting the defining features of a person close enough to the real thing so that it resembles them. I don't think you need a complete copy to get the point across, however i do think some people and features are harder to emulate than others. I've been working on some sims for YEARS, and they still don't work out lol

and take a look at this progression on my sim based on Z4ne H0ltz starting back in 2015!

that first screenshot:

Personally, I get a little lost if I work on a sim too much all at once. I find some time away makes me less tired and frustrated. Just pace yourself :)

Also if you need any help, shoot me a message here or on discord. I promise I don't judge or anything.. it's sims who cares lol

TO START...

I suggest starting with the head and its shape. Starting off with a game-generated sim, the first slider I get to is head width. It's usually too dang wide for my tastes. And then adjusting the general position of the the features. You can always change things later, so you don't have to know exactly what you're going to do, but as I've mentioned before, sculpting sims up in CAS is just practice with sliders! Also in the long run, you may want to use Pu+Chi House's Smooth Face Normals slider! I attempt to explain and show what it does here. I've uploaded the slider here: https://simfileshare.net/download/984204/

This is gonna be a doozy sorry in advance if the read more doesn't work

SLIDERS SLIDERS SLIDERS

Big sliders like Pu+Chi House’s face shape sliders dramatically change the face shape, and it could save you a lot of time! I highly suggest using these to get rid of the weird large jaw sims can get.

Play with different sliders and how they interact with one another! Example: jaw width and Cheek Fullness affect the same area. if you need a wide jaw and don’t want cheek distortion, you can use cheek fullness, lower the jaw width slider and then edit the cheekbones from there

 Knowing what sliders move what and how it can work to your advantage is key! I cover this in my reply post about noses.

For visual reference:

I start out with my nose but I want the nostrils to sit further on the outside

so i go in and use the nose width slider and raise it to widen the lower nose:

Then lower the nostril scale slider

Comparison:

as you can see, i kind of achieved what I wanted, but also widened the nose tip too! Welp, that takes another slider I have, Tip Width. And I'll adjust that accordingly! It's really just a matter of what you're going for and what you're going to have to compensate for as a result!

That said, our community has made some awesome sliders that open up so many possibilities and even eliminate the need to do that multi-slider tango. I wouldn't even know where to begin (wish I wanted to make videos because I could talk for an hour about sliders)

For example @pitheinfinite made sliders that can make sims look better and more realistic, I'm jealous at what they've achieved!

They have their Inner Corner to Nose slider that moves an area of the sim's face hat make eyebags and the shadows and lines appear farther out from the inner eye. It saves you from having to use cheek sliders to mimic the effect and thus ruining the face shape you have going

It's truly an INDISPENSABLE slider. One of many!

Since I make sliders, I usually just make some to specifically fix whatever issue I'm having. Granted they're made with general function in mind, which makes my cheater-y way of making things happen more useful in the future. I have about 50 experimental unfinished sliders in my game and can tell you that all my current sims use them for some reason or other. So I'm not working with nothing, I guess?

EYE SPY 👁

The best way to really get nice accurate looking sims is the eyes.

Pay attention to the slant of the eye, the shape and position of the upper and lower eyelids. you can use the game’s Eyelid Height slider, and AWT’s Eyelid width and height sliders (and many more)

and especially where the iris (green) sits relative to the eyelid. getting that shape and eyeball positioned correctly really makes a HUGE difference

I do suggest Bloom’s Eye slider (left and right) that rotate the eyes left and right. That along with their Lazy eye sliders can give your sims a less symmetric face and position the eyes to be FAR more accurate and realistic than the default.

I also recommend their vertical sliders (Eye lift or drop) to help with eye positioning.

I can't stress the importance of the right contacts or eyes for your sims. Of course it all depends on how you make your sims's eyes and all that. Take the last sim i posted about. It took forever and a half to find the right contacts that didn't need severe or intense editing to capture the same vibe the person he's based on. The problem is pretty persistent for me, and I am just speaking for myself when I say this is necessary. Iris size, shading, recolorability, detail, catch lights, and pupil position are things to consider for your play style and preferences.

In addition to seeing what eyes will do the trick, I do edit the catch lights in the screenshots to give the eyes a different emotion or look. (I use defaults that get rid of the game-generated catch lights, and supernatural eye glow.) It's nice when that's all it is and I don't have to go in and photoshop things in and out to make them look human lmao

Perfect, schmerfect

And just know that as long as you have the same vibe or look going on it doesn't need to be perfect! Things will evolve over time, and you can change and perfect things as you go along, but close is better than trying to achieve an exact replica. We are working with the limitations of sliders and the optimized meshes they work on! So yeah there might be jagged bits or the profile might not exactly match and some things might not be accurate, but that's okay! Considering what sims look like at their default, you should be proud! I use the same mf eyebrows on all my sims basically and I tell myself they're just placeholders (yeah, right), but I manage to make them work with what I have!

Sliders, Makeup, and Skins, oh my!

a good base skin is critical, but not the end of the world if you pick the wrong one. They determine kind of definition and types of features highlighted on a sim 100000% and you might lose a feature you like or dislike when you change them! Feel free to switch up between skins you have to find the best fit.

Makeup can be a game-changer though!!! Any details you can add and help make your sim look the most like the person you're basing them off can go MILES.

In some cases, I've actually gotten really interesting results trying to get my sculpt as close as possible to real life references so the makeup makes a difference but don't define the features by themselves. Still, though, I utilize makeup up a LOT. [remember that if you use Nraas, you can layer makeup. Right-clicking makeup will also remove it if it's applied :)]

Here's the last sim i posted about when removing makeup:

no nosemasks really replicates the face-claim's nose (too shiny at the lower part) but it'll do 🤷‍♀️

Freckles, eyebags, highlighters, face shadows, pores, nosemasks, etc are all great!!

The way you move your sliders WILL effect how these look, so don't rely on makeup that adds super-specific detail or goes over an area you know is a jumbled mess because of sliders!

I do have a mess of recommendations and wcifs for skins and makeup. replies tag | wcif tag

[also I love compiling wcif cc lists for my sims it's great]

Finally, I appreciate your comment about my sims, mainly because I know they're not ever really exact copies or as close as I want to be to their real life counterparts, so thanks!! I've seen fellow simmers get really good results without messing as much as I do and I love when people can make really good maxis match likenesses because it's just so damn cool! It's truly a talent. I'm not one of those lucky few, but I like to try my way at it anyway. After what feels like some good progress I'll post a pic here. Even after doing this forever I don't feel like I'm an expert or can get good results in a shorter amount of time, but it's just fun to see the progression (or regression) of how my sims look.

[larrysballetslippers]

Hey, I saw you write fictions. Could you help me understand how to go about writing fictions and what are the basic steps? I want to write a larry fiction but english isn't my first language and my vocabulary isn't advanced. I, however, do want to give a try maybe a short fiction. How do formulate a fiction? I have some ideas but I can't divide them into chapters and generate enough scenes. I have tried to write sometimes but it's always a dead end and I don't know to proceed.

Personally I like how read story where there's seeding in every chapter with some backstory which gradually gets revealed. I am into a/b/o phase right now and want to write a good story with basic yet great plotline which keep my readers hooked.

I have so many questions to ask. Sorry for this long ask and Thank you if you respond.

Hey sweetie. How do I say this without sounding self-deprecating? I'm still a beginner, I technically wrote two fics. I'm currently working on my first "advanced" fic, which means I'm still learning, A LOT. I can't really be a teacher right now, but I can give you some tips. I can help you with what I learned since I started writing and link some good blogs/posts. This is going to be long, so cut.

First, some tips.

1. There are so many superior writers out there, but everyone has to start somewhere.

You can't start writing with the idea you're the greatest writer on the planet. I wrote down my first story when I was eight. Did it have a good plot? No. Did it have well thought out characters? Absolutely not. Did I make a story inspired by my favourite superhero show? Yes. It was probably 300 words max and with horrible grammar. I'm a very imaginative person, so I make stories up in my head, but that was the first one I wrote down. I haven't written much since then, just some school projects and little things here and there. I only started really writing in April, I think. It was rough, but fun. It was a canon-compliant story, so it didn't need that much planning out, I thought. When I finished, I was so proud. Then I started my second fic and I realized my first wasn't the best. I was so sad when I read it back, disappointed it didn't turn out the way I had in mind. But I shook it off, realized it was my first fic, EVER. So I shouldn't put myself down. You have to start writing to get good, you can't expect to be Jane Austin without putting one word down. Don't COMPARE yourself to others.

2. Plot is never truly original.

Like music, there isn't somsthing like an original plot. Everything is taken from something else. Every plot in the world has taken inspiration from somewhere else. You can write an a/b/o fic with a spy theme, it's very clever, but not original. You've taken an a/b/o plot and combined it with a spy plot. Don't be afraid to write a cliche plot, it's about the way you write it. That's why no two fics are the same, the writer is different.

3. Find a beta you trust.

When I first started the first part of my fic (it was a series), I didn't know what a beta really did, so I asked someone to correct my grammar and that was that. In the second and third part of that fic I didn't even do that, I tried to correct everything myself. Part 4 of my series I asked a beta to help me, it was wonderful. It's the best part of my whole fic and I'm forever grateful for that beta. We weren't the best match, so we couldn't continue working together. The fic I'm writing now is much longer than anything I ever written, so I needed a good and available beta. I found one, the angel of all angels. You need to find someone that will help you with your story, but also encourage when you feel like complete trash. Believe me, you will. It's important you have someone to brainstorm with and laugh with over your your character's dumb jokes.

4. Your English is better than you think.

I'm not a native English speaker, shocker right? No, I'm joking, I'm not the best. BUT I'm understandable, right? That's important. You don't need to have fancy words to write a story. Use the words you know and if you want to improve your vocabulary, do that, with time. You don't need to be an native speaker in a day, it takes time. I'll link some good sites for vocabulary.

5. Read more fics

A good way to improve your vocabulary, read more fics. You clearly enjoy it, use it to improve yourself. Not only for vocabulary but for the plot, characterization, world-building, etc. Take in the things you want to remember, forget the rest.

6. Copy and paste

Maybe a bad thing to say, but copy and paste things you like. If there's a sentence in a fic or book you like, copy it. Of course, don't just paste it in your fic, but take inspiration out of it. Why do you like it so much? Why does it come over so good? Any words you want to use? Is the structure of the sentence appealing? Think about it, so you can improve your fic. Especially with areas you struggle with, take a look at other works.

7. Smut is scary, but don't be scared to try.

Is smut something you want to write? You don't have to, but if you want, don't be scared. As someone who wrote two smut scenes in her life, I'm struggling, but I'm trying. Take all the tips above this and just try. Things may go terribly wrong, but that's why you're practising.

8. Research research research!

Things like smut, fantasy, minority groups. You can't just write about it without any knowledge, research it. Articles, youtube videos, blogs on tumblr, etc. A simple kiss scene can be difficult if you have no knowledge about it, read people's first kiss stories or something like that. Want to try and write BDSM, read about it on a BDSM blog. Research the heck out of it.

9. Just to say it again. DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF WITH OTHERS.

Just to summarise, you're you, don't try to be someone else. You're writing style isn't worse than someone else's, it's just different. It makes your work recognisable, your text original, your hours of writing easier. Someone told me I can write young people really well, I owned it. Find what you're good at and own it.

Now that I have given you some important tips to start, I'll answer your question. How to go about writing fiction?

Everyone is different first of all, so please don't take my word for it. This is my routine, I just made up.

1. What do you want to write?

Is it your own idea, a prompt, a fic fest, an exchange?

2. What universe does take part in?

Does take place in the real world or a fantasy world? The past, present or future? Realistic or supernatural? Which country?

3. What is the goal?

Are they supposed to be lovers at the end? Do they have to defeat something/someone? A quest? Where do you want to end the story?

4. Where does it start?

Where does your story start? At the birth of your characters? In the future and you work your way back? In the middle? When your important characters meet each other for the first time?

5. What does it take to get from start to finish?

What happens in the story? What developments happen? Is it a road trip and your characters need to get closer, how do they do that?

6. What are some subplots you want to add?

Are there things that don't really matter for your goal, but you want to add? Friends to lovers but maybe they help someone's mom out one day.

7. Who are your characters?

Their personalities, appearances, quirks, relationships.

8. Who is the protagonist?

Who is the story about? Who is the main character?

9. In whose point of view is it?

Who is telling the story? You, the protagonist, the love interest, a random bystander, etc?

10. Outline.

Write down what you want to do with your story. Every scene needs to be written down. You can always change it of course.

11. Write, write and write.

Take all the tips and write.

I want to give you some links I always use. I will also recommend some blogs.

This tool lets you describe a concept and get back a list of words and phrases related to that concept: https://www.onelook.com/thesaurus/

This article about body language: https://www.writerswrite.co.za/cheat-sheets-for-writing-body-language/

This tumblr post about body language: https://badassunicorn2016.tumblr.com/post/145725344712/writing-tip-june-4th

This article for alternatives for 'said': https://owlcation.com/humanities/400-Alternative-words-for-said

This tumblr post about writing smut: https://larryficsvol28.tumblr.com/post/660062510531182592/smut-101-a-tutorial-for-beginners

This tumblr post about how to make smut sound sexy:https://larryficsvol28.tumblr.com/post/658604597068365824/making-smut-sound-sexy

This tumblr post about turning ideas into a story: https://larryficsvol28.tumblr.com/post/659430707796557824/i-get-lots-of-ideas-for-stories-which-are-just

I have some blogs you can follow that talk about writing.

This podcast blog @roseanddaggerpodcast

This blog has a podcast too and some good fic recs @allwaswell16

These writing blogs @ficsex @writingquestionsanswered @bhficfest https://wordsnstuffblog.com/

Some veterans writers and also have some good fic recs @twopoppies @justalarryblog @kingsofeverything @louandhazaf @hershelsue @lululawrence @pocketsunshineharry @fearlesslysweetcreature @indiaalphawhiskey

I hope I could help you a little. In some weird way I helped myself, hehe. I hope you can finally write the story you want. If you ever have any questions, just come by. I don't know if I can always help you, but I'll try!! Good luck!!

[the-void-i-scream-into]

White Tulips - a JunJin fanfic 3/3

Full Story: Part 1, Part 2

Hey my beautiful readers. Thank you so much for sticking around till now. I was honestly so terrified of posting this fanfic because I had never done that before but everyone’s response has been so kind to me. Thank you.

This is the final part. I hope you all enjoyed the story. As always, this chapter is dedicated to the Shooters GC who are the best people on Tumblr.

Quick Info: The songs used in this chapter are You Were Beautiful by Day6. Park Yoona who plays Sujin said in an interview that she liked Day6, specifically this song. Haru by Royal Pirates is a personal favorite of mine. It has the same theme as True Beauty that in real love, things like looks don’t matter. The final song that Seojun sings to Sujin is Half Moon by Dean. Hwang In Yeop who plays Seojun stated that he liked this song in an interview.

Pairing: Kang Sujin x Han Seojun

Romantic Trope: Haters to friends to lovers

Word Count: 16.2k [this one is LONG]

Rating: T

PART 3

i.

“What have I done?” Sujin pulled at her hair in frustration.

The deal she had made with Han Seojun had been the on account of the many shots of soju she had taken. It was only when she had sobered up the next morning that she realized, with horror, just what exactly she had promised.

It was a bad idea. On paper it sounded plausible; two people suffering from the same pain could empathize with each other. But in reality, going through a heartbreak meant that you needed someone to support you, not the other way around. Trying to support someone whilst being in pain yourself was hard. And in this particular case, it would be impossible. Mainly because the people Kang Sujin and Han Seojun liked were with each other.  

Sujin could see her and Han Seojun’s fledgling friendship going up in flames before it had even had a chance to fly. She would always want to talk about Lee Suho and he would resent that since Suho was the one dating Jukyung. Seojun would want to talk about Jukyung and Sujin would find that annoying for the same reason.

It was a recipe for disaster.

“Yah, gimme your number.” Sujin had demanded last night, handing Han Seojun her phone after he had agreed to her stupid proposal. Seojun had obediently entered his number at her behest. She programmed her number in his phone as well.

“There. Now we can text each other if we ever need to talk.”

“Ya, why am I Gangster in your phone?” Seojun had protested when he had saw her type it out.

Sujin had chuckled, drunk on soju. “Because you’re a gangster, you gangster.”

“Is that so?” Seojun proceeded to type away furiously into his phone. He held it up for Sujin to see.

“Princess? Are we kindergarteners?” Sujin had frowned.

Seojun stuck his tongue out. “That’s what you get for naming me Gangster.”

Sujin had retaliated, editing his contact. “Here!” She held up her phone.

“Wha-What? Twerp?”

Sujin blanked on the argument that had proceeded after this but she knew they did argue. To the point that the owner of the tent bar kicked them out. 

Now Sujin was stuck with the contact named as Twerp on her phone and she had no idea what to do with it. Should she text him? Should she delete it? Should she just pretend last night didn’t happen?

She knew she should choose the third option. Or even the second. But her hand itched to send Seojun a text and see if he really was up for hanging out.

All day long Sujin kept checking her phone, looking for any new messages or missed calls she may have received. All she got were some memes from Suah and everyone else’s responses to those messages on their group chat. Han Seojun had also responded with a laughing emoji. Which meant he wasn’t too body or occupied to text Sujin.

Then why wasn’t he texting her?

Why do I care?

Sujin knew why. It was because she had no body else to talk to about what was bothering her. Normally, she would have called Jukyung but this time, she couldn’t. Jukyung’s giant engagement ring kept flashing in her mind over and over. It even plagued her dreams last night.

Sujin needed to occupy herself. Her current jobless situation wasn’t helping things either. She quickly fired a text to Suah to see if she was free to hang.

Sorry Kang Su! Me and Taehoon are going to visit his parents. Suah had replied.

Sujin looked at her list of contacts. There was no one else but Han Seojun who she could ask. Reluctantly, she texted him.

I’m going to the batting cages. Wanna join me?

Sujin pressed send before she could stop herself and was immediately filled with deep regret she saw the “Seen” check appear.

One minute, two minute, fifteen minutes passed. He didn’t reply.

“Guess he wasn’t interested.” Sujin lamented. It would have been nice to have someone to hang with, but given the obvious rejection, she had to make do with just lonesome herself.

Kang Sujin wasn’t exactly a prodigy at sports, but she was considerably better than most. Batting happened to be one of her strong suits.

Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!

She hit each ball with graceful ease. Her brows were furrowed in focus. Her breathing controlled and steady. Sujin had learned long ago that sports aided in dealing with her rage and frustrations. It was a way to release all of her worries in a healthy manner and channel inner peace.

Thwack! Thwack!

She hit again and again, not caring about the score, just wanting to get the shot.

“Wow, I’m impressed.”

“Huh?” Sujin carelessly turned and her surprise at finding Han Seojun standing in the adjacent batting area was only thwarted by the ball hitting her in the torso. She yelped in pain.

“Oh, gwenchana?” Seojun asked in concern.

“Aish.” Sujin held her side and moved out of the way of the pitching machine. She gave Seojun a scathing look. “What are you doing here?”

“You asked to meet here didn’t you?”

“People normally respond to invitations to confirm they’re coming.” Sujin checked herself for injuries before resuming her batting position.

Seojun was quiet. “I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to meet you.”

Thwack! Sujin hit a ball. “Oh, yeah? What made you change your mind?”

Seojun picked up his bat, not responding. The pitching machine on his lane whirred to life. He hit his ball. Thwack! “Did you see the video Jukyung posted?”

“Ah-nee.” Sujin replied. Thwack!

“She posted a bridal makeup tutorial.”

Sujin missed the next ball. And the one after that. Seojun could feel her gaze on his back but didn’t dare turn. From his posture Sujin could sense hostility. Which was fine, she hadn’t invited him here to talk. She invited him here to vent. She resumed her batting.

“I scored higher than you.” Sujin informed with a grin once they were done.

“Good for you.” Han Seojun said, unimpressed.

He still seemed on edge. Sujin had tried to engage him during their small breaks between the game but all he had given her were clipped answers.

“Did you watch the entire video?”

“Yes.”

“How did it feel?”

“How do you think I felt?”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Just hit the ball.”

Sujin didn’t know how Seojun was when they had parted, but she herself felt significantly better. She went home with a peaceful mind and even discovered that she had gotten a call from a prospective employer. They asked if she could come in for an interview the following week. Perhaps things would be getting better from now on.

Or perhaps not.

The interview had gone horribly wrong, especially after the interviewer realized who she was. Sujin had expected a polite rejection but instead the interviewer had decided that she deserved a lecture on bullying from him.

“You know. I was bullied too as a kid.” The interviewer had said.

The experience had left her shaken. Was this going to be her life from now on? Would she just be kicked out of society just like that, over a badly reported gossip article?

Sujin’s hands ached to be washed but she refused to even think about it. She needed an outlet and she knew exactly what she wanted. It was then that she got a text from Han Seojun.

Let’s meet.

Sujin told him where to show up.

“You know jujitsu?” Seojun was surprised when she had invited him for a match.

“Don’t you?” Sujin said, clad in her white Gi. She had been warming up when Seojun had arrived clad in jeans and a hoodie. He had a cap on underneath the hood.

“I don’t fight with girls.”

“And what if a girl fights with you?”

Seojun chuckled incredulously.

“If you can laugh like that then you can show me what you’ve got, no? Or are you afraid you’ll lose like you lost in the batting cages.”

“That wasn’t a competition.”

Sujin smirked, “Sure it wasn’t.”

Seojun rolled his eyes and went to change out of his clothes.

Smack! Down Han Seojun went. He had gone easy on Kang Sujin for the first round because she was a girl. But she had immediately disarmed him and thrown him over her shoulder. Grinning like a wolf, she immediately took the fighting position again, leaving Han Seojun to recover on the floor.

“First one doesn’t count!” He argued.

“What’s wrong, Han Seojun? Can’t even fight against a girl?”

Seojun got up, “Alright. I won’t be going easy on you anymore.”

“Fine by me.”

Sujin attacked first, Seojun quickly blocked her, wrapped his arms around her waist and tried to push her down. She wrapped her legs around him and swiveled him around so that he fell. Then she quickly wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling at his arm.

“You fight without strategy.” Sujin said through clenched teeth as she tried to keep him down. Seojun managed to turn her entire body over, releasing himself.

“Fighting is about instinct. Not strategies.” Seojun went for the attack this time. Sujin blocked him but he easily maneuvered around her, throwing her down and pinning her in place with all his strength. It was an awkward position to be in, but he didn’t care. He would not let her win.

“Anything without a strategy is doomed to fail.” She grabbed his collar and adjusted her leg to flip them over. Now she was keeping him down.

“Nope. Instincts always win.” He weaseled out of her grip and they parted.

Sujin took fighting position again. She easily jabbed and smacked him around while Seojun blocked haphazardly. She was precise and focused, knowing exactly where to hit and how.

In her mind, she wasn’t fighting with Han Seojun. She was fighting with her interviewer. She jabbed and blocked and kicked the man who had sat and judged her without even hearing her side of the story. It was cathartic to let this all out. And if Han Seojun got hurt in the way, then she didn’t mind.

Sujin and Seojun fought for a long time, both sweating and panting with exhaustion but neither relenting.

“I’m still winning Han Seojun.” Sujin said with labored breath.

“We’re not done yet.”

Smack! Down Han Seojun went. Again, and again, and again.

“Had enough?” Sujin asked as they parted.

“Never.”

Seojun attacked. Sujin easily blocked it, kicking him in the chest. The mat was slick with their sweat. Sujin didn’t see Seojun slip and fall to his knees. She only spun around to deliver a roundhouse kick to his torso. But the kick would have hit him in the face. Except, except Han Seojun caught her ankle just in time. The force of it nearly knocked him down.

“I can’t let you hit my face.” He said with a half smirk.

“Wae?” She asked with a flick of her brow.

“It’s a precious commodity.”

He pulled Sujin by her ankle, bringing her leg to his side. She fell on him, using his shoulders to brace herself. Their noses were almost touching. He cupped her calf and grabbed her sleeve to hold her in place.

It was too close. Sujin’s mind went blank. And that was the opening Seojun needed to throw her down.

“I won that round.” He grinned, standing up.

“Doesn’t matter. I’m still ahead.” Sujin’s face still felt hot. She got up and straightened her Gi. “I think that’s enough for today.”

Seojun nodded. “You hungry?” He asked. After the workout she had just had, she was ravenous.

They went to a nearby convenience store where they got ramen. Seojun watched in surprise as Sujin hungrily chowed down.

“What?” Sujin asked.

“You are a very unexpected girl, Kang Sujin.” Seojun took off his cap and ran his hand through his hair.

Sujin smiled and stirred her ramen. “So, what happened this time?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why’d you ask to see me today? Did Jukyung post another video?”

Seojun hesitated. “Last time… I was in a bad mood. But you seemed like you wanted to talk.”

Sujin gave a slow smile. “What? You felt guilty?”

“Yes.” Seojun said unabashedly.

“You know we don’t have to talk. Maybe we can just keep each other company.”

“Sure. That seems fine.” Seojun looked at her critically. “But something was bothering you today.”

Sujin bit her cheek. “I had an interview today.”

“Didn’t go well.” It wasn’t a question.

Sujin told him, about how her interviewer treated her. About how she feared she may never get a job again.

“Ah-nee, how can people be so ridiculous? You already settled the matter didn’t you? Then what’s everybody’s problem?” Seojun’s outburst warmed Sujin’s heart. It felt good to talk and share. It made Sujin feel lighter. She wondered if she could return the favor.

“You didn’t tell me what you thought of Jukyung’s video.”

Seojun’s face fell. “Ah. That.” He leaned back and sighed. “Did you see it?”

“Yeah.”

Seojun’s face was a strange combination of pain and admiration. “She looked beautiful, didn’t she?”

Sujin’s voice was small. “Yeah, she did.” And Suho probably thought so too.

“They’ve been together for so long. Marriage was inevitable. But now that it’s happening… I don’t know. I just feel… honestly I don’t even know what I feel anymore.”

“I know what you mean. I can’t imagine how I’m going to attend the wedding.”

“My mom’s inviting the two over for dinner to celebrate. Imagine having to sit through that.”

“Yikes. Does your mom know how you feel?”

“Of course, she does. But Lee Suho is my best friend and she’s happy for him.”

“Well… I’m always here,” Sujin held up her phone, “just a text away. If you need me.”

“What I need right now is more food.” Seojun got up.

“Aren’t idols supposed to diet?”

“Not when they’ve had their ass kicked twelve times. You want anything?”

“Nah. I’m full.”

While Han Seojun went inside, Sujin checked her phone for any messages and emails. She had applied to a dozen non-profit companies. None of them, except the interview today, had gotten back.

“Omo. Isn’t that, that girl?” Someone said loudly.

“Yah! Shhh!”

Sujin looked up to some mean looking high schoolers gawking at her. There were three of them but the one standing in the front was clearly the leader. The girls to her side was trying to keep her quiet but unsuccessfully.

“It is! Look. Its that woman, Kang Sujin! Wah! I never thought I’d meet someone I read about online in real life.” The leader girl came forward, crossing her arms.

Sujin stood up to her full height. The girl was shorter than her, but she was undeterred. Sujin half admired her courage.

“Can I help you?” Sujin asked in a measured tone.

The leader girl stared Sujin down. “Check out her audacity. Should someone who’s hated by everyone be talking like that?” The girl spoke in banmal.

“I don’t know you. And you don’t know me. So why don’t you leave?” Sujin suggested. These kids were younger than her, although by not much. They looked like seniors who might have been held back a year or two.

“Why should I leave? You leave.”

“I was here first.”

“This is my usual place. My boyfriend’s coming here to meet me.” The girl said self-assuredly.

“Then let him come. There’s enough space for the both of us.”

“I don’t think so.” The girl got right in her face. “You’re the girl who seduced our Seojun Oppa, aren’t you? Don’t you know that you almost ruined his career by doing that?”

Sujin laughed at the thought of Han Seojun being someone’s Oppa. He always seemed so childish to her.

“Oh, you think its funny to ruin someone’s career?”

Sujin tried to explain calmly, “No, no. I wasn’t—"

The girl pushed her, “Women like you are everything that’s wrong with the world!”

The old Kang Sujin would have kicked this rude girl’s ass by this point. But Sujin was trying to be a new Kang Sujin, one that didn’t hate easily. Sujin sighed. “Kid, just leave me alone.”

The girl poked her finger in Sujin’s shoulder. “And what if I don’t?”

Sujin raised a hand and the girl flinched. But Sujin only stroked her head. “Youngster, you shouldn’t be so rude to people.”

“Like you were to Lim Jukyung?” Sujin’s face hardened as the girl taunted, “What? You guys are friends now? Who would buy that bullshit? People are you are such trash. You go around flaunting your beauty, seducing our idols. Trash like you doesn’t belong here.”

“Yah, stop it!” The girl’s friends warned from behind.

“Chaeri, you’ll get into trouble.”

Chaeri didn’t listen. “Leave! I don’t want people like you here.” She told Sujin.

It was one thing to be nice. It was quite another to be weak. And Kang Sujin was anything but weak. “You want me to leave?” Sujin said. “Then make me.” Sujin stood her ground, glaring at the girl.

Chaeri smiled. “Okay.” She reached over to the half finished can of soda that Han Seojun had left on the table and poured it over Sujin.

Sujin closed her eyes to calm herself. Don’t engage Kang Sujin.

“Here you go, b****.”

Alright, screw it.

Sujin’s eyes popped open enraged. “What did you just call me? B****?” She grabbed Chaeri’s hair and pulled.

Chaeri screamed, “Yah! What are you doing?”

“I was going easy on you since you’re a teenager. But now I see you need to be taught a lesson.” Sujin kept her grip firmly on the Chaeri hair as the girl struggled to break free. “Listen carefully. Just because someone has allegedly done something wrong doesn’t mean you get to take justice in your hands. If you see something wrong, you speak up about it. If it’s happening in front of you, you stop it. But you don’t go around harassing someone without even understanding the full story, arachi? If I’m a bully, then go tell the police and have them investigate. Calling me names and bothering me only makes you another bully, not an avenger.”

Sujin let go. Chaeri ran and cowered by her friends who looked at Sujin in fear.

“Now get out of my sight. And don’t let me see you girls again.”

The girls ran away as Sujin watched. She didn’t enjoy what had just happened. It left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Was I too harsh?

“Remind me never to piss you off again.” Han Seojun came to stand by her.

“Mwo-ya, were you watching? How long were you here.”

“I came out when I saw you grabbing that girl’s hair.”

Sujin frowned in worry. “I wasn’t—”

“I know.” Seojun came forward, eyeing her head. “I heard the speech. Did they do this?” He pointed to her wet hair.

“Ugh. Yeah.” Sujin groaned.

“Let’s go inside. You can clean up.”

Sujin used the convenience store bathroom to wash out the soda from her hair. She dried off with some paper towels but her head looked like a mess when she was done. She tried to smoothen it down but then it stuck to her face weirdly.

In the store, Han Seojun was signing an autograph for the store clerk. “Ya, gimme that.” Sujin came up behind him and took his cap off from him, putting it on herself. Han Seojun didn’t bat an eye lash.

“Here you go.” He told the clerk.

“Thank you. My girlfriend will really appreciate it.” The clerk beamed.

The convenience store entrance rang as they exited.

“You can keep that cap.” Seojun told Sujin.

“Ah really?”

“Yah! Are you the one who harassed my girlfriend?”

Seojun and Sujin turned. The high schooler, Chaeri, was standing there with four hulking boys, all looking like miscreants with their mean faces and unkempt clothing. They seemed older than high school kids, more like college students. The girl’s friends were notably missing. It was just her and the four thugs.

“Han Seojun,” Sujin whispered, “you leave.”

“No.” He said casually, yet firmly.

“You could get into another scandal, you idiot!” Sujin hissed.

“No.”

Sujin clenched her jaw. “Listen to me, you dolt. You’ll—”

“Omo! Is that Han Seojun?” Chaeri was staring, eyes wide in wonder. “It is! Oh my God, Oppa! Is that you? Why are you here?” Chaeri’s eyes passed between Seojun and Sujin. “Oppa, are you actually dating this girl?” She asked, sounding betrayed.

“You know this guy?” Chaeri’s boyfriend asked.

“He’s Han Seojun. He’s an idol.”

“He’s not with me.” Sujin declared as she walked up to the group, putting distance between her and Seojun. “We just coincidentally met inside.” She stood resolutely with her shoulders squared, not showing an ounce of fear.

Seojun walked up and stood Sujin. “I am with her. So what? You got a problem?” He asked Chaeri.

Sujin’s face contorted in exasperation. Han Seojun, you idiot!

The boyfriend looked amused at the situation. “Aaah. I see now. You think that just because your boyfriend is a big shot idol that you can do whatever you want?”

“That’s not what happened. Your girlfriend here harassed me first.” Sujin explained coolly.

“Oppa, she’s lying.” The girl said. “I was just walking by and she started pulling my hair.” 

Sujin scoffed. “What an obvious lie. You gonna believe that?”

“I don’t see why I have to believe you.” The boyfriend replied.

“Why would I attack her without any reason?”

“Oppa, she did it because I was a fan of Han Seojun.” Chaeri looked at Seojun, “Aren’t you going to defend your fans?”

Seojun tilted his head. “My fans don’t go around harassing my friends.”

Chaeri’s mouth fell open. “What?”

“Also, no real fan would damage their idol’s reputation but causing a scene like this. Don’t you know it reflects badly on me when say I have toxic fans?”

Chaeri’s face contorted in anger. Sujin gulped, “Han Seojun, shut up.”

“Oppa, you’re going to just let these people treat me this way?” Chaeri pulled at her boyfriend’s arm.

The boyfriend leaned down to Sujin, “Listen here ahjumma, you hurt my girlfriend. That action is going to come with consequences.”

Seojun grabbed the boy’s collar, pushing him away from Sujin. “You can’t call yourself a man if you threaten women like this.”

The boyfriend laughed, before he went in for the punch. Seojun dodged it and kicked the guy in the chest, sending him backwards. Chaeri squealed and jumped to the side. The other three thugs went for Seojun and Sujin.

Sujin brought one of them down with a spin kick in the face. The other two boys were on Seojun. Sujin kicked one of them away and dragged him further by his hair.

It was difficult for Sujin and Seojun to keep up. The thugs, while young, were still huge and more in number. Sujin took her time to size up her opponents, hitting and dodging accordingly.  Seojun fought in his typical instinctive manner, taking many hits but also delivering his own. 

One of the boys had Seojun backed up in the corner and by this time the boyfriend had gotten back up. Seojun didn’t see the boyfriend, but Sujin did. The boyfriend picked up a stick lying on the corner of the street by the garbage cans. Two thugs were on Seojun now, holding him back as the boyfriend raised the stick, aiming to swing it right in Seojun’s face.

In that moment, Sujin forgot all about fighting with strategy. All she could think of was saving Han Seojun. She ran into the boyfriend, taking him down with her entire body. She kicked him in the groin, causing so much pain that the boy’s face became red. Han Seojun, and the two thugs holding him back, were staring at her speechless.

“I won’t let you hit his face.” She told the boyfriend. Then, giving Seojun a sideways look she added, “It’s a hot commodity.”

Seojun took this opening to break free and kick the thugs away. Sujin swung the stick and hit one of them in the back. The last one standing decided to be smart and ran away.

Seojun and Sujin looked at each other, and the high schoolers lying on the ground, moaning in pain. They had won and it felt good. Seojun looked at something behind Sujin. She followed his line of sight and found Chaeri standing by the corner, recording everything on her phone.

Sujin walked up to her. “Give it while I’m being nice.”

“I’m recording this too you know.” Chaeri said insolently.

Sujin smiled. Then spun around to kick Chaeri, except she missed her face by an inch.

“Ah, how sad. I missed.”

Chaeri just stood, frozen in place. Seojun walked up, pulled the phone from her hand and smashed it to the ground.

“Am I going to hear about this online?” It was a rhetorical question. Said with such authority, in that deep angry baritone, that even Sujin felt intimidated.

Chaeri just shook her head.

“Good. Lets go, Kang Sujin.” Seojun led Sujin away by her arm.

“So, like I said. Remind me never to piss you off again.” Seojun repeated. Sujin chuckled. “Also…” Seojun rubbed the back of his head, “Thanks… for saving me back there.”

“Don’t mention it. After all, we have to protect his hot commodity.” Sujin teased. Instead of getting annoyed like she expected him to, Han Seojun smirked.

“You know I never said my face was a hot commodity. I only said it was a precious commodity.” Sujin stopped in her tracks as she realized he was right. But Seojun kept on walking smugly. “I guess you think I’m hot.” He called back to her.

“No way!” Sujin yelled as she ran after him. “No way!” ii.

Things had changed between Kang Sujin and Han Seojun. They were way past enmity now. In fact, Seojun couldn’t even remember the hate he used to have for her. They were also past the courteous co-existence they had sustained for a brief period where they acted polite and nice to one another which was more a sign of them being strangers than anything else.

Now Han Seojun and Kang Sujin really could say that they were friends. Hanging out together had become a weekly ritual. Almost always, it was prompted by something Jukyung or Suho did.

The night of Suho’s and Jukyung’s the engagement party, hosted by Suho’s father, they went to karaoke to sing their hearts out. As expected, Seojun was the better singer. But Sujin wasn’t exactly bad herself. Her song choices were about self-empowerment and having fun. Seojun chose soft, ballads that were clearly about Jukyung.

“One day, my songs will be on a karaoke machine too.” Seojun had wished as they had walked back home.

“And then I will sing it.” Sujin encouraged.

“And ruin it.”

Sujin punched him in the shoulder.

The time Suho and Jukyung announced their wedding on Jukyung’s channel, they went to an arcade. Of course, Sujin beat Seojun at every game.

“Ah-nee, how do you know how to play? All I ever saw you doing in school was study.”

“Just accept it, Han Seojun. I’m better than you.”

“At bragging maybe.”

The time Jukyung got drunk and went around hugging Han Seojun thinking he was Suho, they went for a drive on his bike.

Sujin had insisted that he teach her how to ride it.

“Aren’t you afraid?” Seojun remebered how terrified Jukyung had been when she first rode with him.

“Why would I be?” Sujin asked, confused.

She took to the bike quickly and soon was riding them both around the city without Seojun’s guidance.

“Not too bad, Kang Sujin.” Seojun was impressed. Sujin grinned triumphantly.

As per their agreement, the two looked out for each other when they were with the group, making sure their feelings weren’t too apparent. At the night of the engagement party, Sujin kept covering for Seojun when he didn’t participate in conversations as much as he usually did. She would answer for him or change the subject. On the same night, Seojun had been the one to sneak Sujin away when she was on the verge of breaking into tears when the couple was cutting the cake. No one had noticed the two heart broken friends that night. All eyes had been on Jukyung and Suho.

On the same night that Jukyung had gotten drunk, Han Seojun had been the one to distract Suah when she kept pushing Jukyung into dating a guy she knew from work. And on a separate occasion, when the group was out for dinner and had run into Suho’s father, Seojun had kept a firm hand on Sujin’s back when Lee Joheon spoke at length on how sad he was about her parents’ divorce.

As uncanny as it seemed, it was undeniable. Han Seojun and Kang Sujin were friends now. Oddly enough, no one seemed to have picked up on their closeness, despite the fact that they never hid it from anyone. Sujin mentioned that Seojun had taught her how to ride his bike but the statement went unnoticed for its inclusion of Han Seojun. All Suah and Jukyung cared about was how dangerous it was to drive bikes.

“Han Seojun! Stop being a bad influence on Sujin!” Jukyung had scolded.

“What did I do? She’s the one who wanted to learn. And she’s not so innocent either. Just ask her about how she beat me in jiujitsu.” Seojun had pointed a finger at her.

“You know Jiujitsu?” Suho had asked, ignoring the part about her beating Seojun.

“Yeah. We should spar sometime.”

And so things went on and Jukyung’s and Suho’s wedding date inched closer and closer. But Sujin felt nothing had really improved with her feelings about Suho.

“We should really get to the therapy part one of these days.” Sujin casually said over a cup of coffee. This time, they had opted for a quiet meeting in a café.

Seojun considered her request. “What should we talk about?”

They both drew a blank, neither able to come up with a good starting point. Their feelings were so complicated and tangled that neither knew were to start unraveling.

Sujin raised a hand, fingers spread out wide. “Five questions.” She said, and with each word she lowered a finger, “Who, What, When, Where and Why.” She said in English.

“What’s that?”

“Its how you gather basic information. You ask yourself these questions.” Sujin explained, translating in Korean, “Who is it? What is it? When was it? and Why was it?”

Seojun nodded. “Okay. You first.”

“Hmm… We can skip the Who since we already know who it is. So, what is it that I like about Lee Suho? Hmm…” Sujin had to think for a minute. 

The first thing that popped into her mind was her father. She and Suho both had troubled relationships with their fathers and at the time, Sujin had felt that Suho could understand her better because because of this. But she couldn’t tell Han Seojun that. Having a dysfunctional family made her feel like a freak. She didn’t need Han Seojun knowing about her private problems, even if they were friends. 

So instead of the truth, she said, “He was cool,”  

Seojun scoffed. “Kang Sujin were you that shallow?”

Sujin looked at him flatly. “It wasn’t just that! It was… well, he was always cold to everyone else. But he still treated me better.” Sujin looked at her hands, nervously playing with her thumbs. “I guess I liked how he was with me. And I liked that he wasn’t shallow like most boys are. ”

That answer seemed more acceptable to Seojun. “I don’t think I can distill my feelings to just a couple of traits. I like everything about Lim Jukyung. The way she smiles, the way she ties up her hair, how kind and caring she is with everyone… she just has this warmth about her that just… draws you in.”

“I know what you mean.” Sujin agreed. But there was a little part of her that resented Seojun’s compliments of Jukyung. Wasn’t she kind and caring too? Didn’t she have any warmth?

Probably not. Her father’s voice said. Sujin pushed it away.

“When did you first start liking Lee Suho?” Seojun asked.

Sujin thought for a minute. “I don’t know. I just know that when I noticed I liked him, it felt like I had always liked him.” She sat up straight. “What about you? When did you start liking Jukyung?”

After a pause he replied, “When I started to get to know her. I can’t say exactly when… But I noticed my heart would act weird after she started teasing me about my underwear--”

“Say what now? What underwear?” Sujin perked up. It was at this moment that Han Seojun knew, that he had messed up. He could feel himself get red in the face.

“It was nothing. What I meant was—”

“Nononono, no. Han Seojun, you’re not getting out of this one. Tell me. What underwear?”

Seojun crossed his arms, “I’m not saying a word.”

Their therapy session had ended there. Sujin tried again and again to get Seojun to reveal what the underwear incident was but he kept his silence. He would die before he ever told anyone about how Jukyung had seen him dancing around in his cheetah print underwear.

Han Seojun still experienced PTSD when he heard “Okey Dokey yo!” from anywhere.

iii.

Seojun didn’t know how the fight began. They had met up for dinner after Sujin got off from work. She had taken up various part time jobs to pay the bills. With her being busy throughout the day, dinner was the only time they could meet.

They had been talking about Suho and Jukyung. Seojun normally danced around the topic of what Sujin had done back in high school now that they were friends. But this time she had brought it up herself.

“Do you remember that picture I took of you?”

“Yeah.” Seojun still remembered how flatly she had said You look cool. He had almost admired her audacity back then, and he did so more now.

“I traded it to get the info on Jukyung.” She admitted quietly.

“Ah, even back then my face was such a hot commodity.” Seojun said smugly.

Sujin made a face at him.

They joked about the past, about how Han Seojun hadn’t changed since then, about how Sujin had changed so much. Then, as they walked towards Sujin’s apartment, they got into the serious stuff. About how Sujin just disappeared after the truth about her was revealed, about how Seojun was right that she had only destroyed herself, and no one else.

“I wish I hadn’t done all that. Looking back, I want to kick myself.” Sujin had said.

“You should have shared, about what you were going through. Suah and Jukyung would have understood. I mean, having your father treat you the way he did… it must have made everything harder to deal with. Looking back, I might have acted better too, even helped y--”

Seojun suddenly noticed that Sujin wasn’t with him. She had stopped in her tracks and was glaring at him but Seojun couldn’t understand why.

“W-what do you mean my father’s treatment?” Sujin asked icily, her face was unreadable.

“Well… didn’t he used to beat you and pressure you for—”

“Shut up! Just shut up, Han Seojun!” Sujin suddenly freaked out. And it scared Seojun.

“What’s wrong?” He asked with concern. He moved towards her, but she moved back.

She looked at him coldly. “Who the hell told you about this? Was it Suho? It was Suho, wasn’t it? No one else knows besides him.”

Seojun hesitated. “Actually... that time when I met your mom—”

Sujin blinked rapidly. “So you’re saying that you’ve known about this all this time?”

“Kang Sujin, calm down its not a—”

Sujin spoke through clenched teeth, “What’s not a big deal? The fact that my family is broken or the fact that my father was an abusive asshole? What exactly about it is not a big deal, Han Seojun?”

Seojun was thoroughly confused now. “Sujin-ah.” he called out to her but she kept moving back with every step he took towards her. She was shaking quite visibly.

“Did you have fun, thinking I was so tragic and damaged? Did you have fun pitying me all this time? Did you—” Sujin’s eyes went wide as if she hit a realization. “Ya Han Seojun… did you become friends with me because you pitied me?” She said the word with such acidity that Seojun flinched.

It would be a lie to say it hadn’t influenced his opinion of her. But it wasn’t the only reason they were friends. Surely Sujin had to understand that.

“Sujin-ah—”

“It’s true, isn’t it?” Sujin’s lip quivered. “All this time, you’ve only treated me decently because you thought I was some tragic case—”

“You know that’s not true.” Seojun protested but Sujin wasn’t listening.

“—and here I was thinking we were actually friends. Han Seojun, would you have even been nice to me if you hadn’t known?”

“Does that matter?” Seojun asked, frustrated, “We’re friends now, aren’t we?” 

That had been the wrong thing to say. Sujin’s eyes flamed as she suddenly switched. Gone was the shaking and the freaked out look. Sujin was now very calm and cold; calculating in her movements. She gave a sarcastic smile. “Ya Han Seojun. Do you know? I pity you too.”

“What?”

“Pathetically liking someone for so long, whining like a boy over everything, acting all childish, you think that makes you attractive?”

“Ya, Kang Sujin—” Seojun warned.

“I bet Jukyung pities you too.” Sujin stalked up to Seojun. “Ah, that loser, Han Seojun, until when is he going to be hung up on me? I bet that’s what she thinks every time she sees you.”

They glared at each other for the longest time. Maybe too long.

“Kang Sujin… you are seriously messed up.” Was all Seojun said before he walked away; from Sujin and the entire situation. Sujin’s eyes filled with tears which she furiously blinked away.

If Sujin had been more like Jukyung, she would have dealt with this situation maturely. Lim Kukyung would have faced her emotions and not taken Seojun’s sympathy as pity. Lim Jukyung would have been up front about how she felt and not pushed Seojun away. Lim Jukyung would have been better.

But Kang Sujin was not Lim Jukyung. Kang Sujin was a messed up girl.

iv.

“Has anyone heard from Sujin recently?” Jukyung asked the group. They were all gathered for lunch, all except Seojun and Sujin, both of whom had been absent these past couple of get-togethers.

“Wae? Has something happened?” Suah asked.

“Not really. But she hasn’t been replying as much to my texts.” Jukyung pouted.

“You know what Kang Su is like. She’s rarely online. Plus, she’s working all these jobs now.”

“She always replies to me though,” Jukyung muttered to herself as she looked at her chat with Sujin. The one Sujin hadn’t responded to since four days.

“Is Seojun not coming today either?” Taehoon asked Suho.

“Don’t know. He’s so busy with brand practice these days that he barely replies to me.”

“Guys! Sorry I’m late!” Sujin rushed towards the group.

“Kang Su!” Jukyung and Suah welcomed her.

“We were afraid you wouldn’t show up again.” Jukyung said, putting her arm through Sujin’s.

“Kang Su-ya,” Suah said, playfully nudging Sujin’s shoulder, “you’re all dressed up. Did you just come back from a date?” Indeed Sujin was wearing a sleek black pant suit with full makeup on.

“Who went on a date?” Seojun arrived but stopped when he saw Sujin. Sujin held her breath as she waited for him to say something.

“Our Kang Su.” Suah responded. Seojun just flicked a brow but betrayed no emotion. He took a seat besides Suho.

“Ya! It wasn’t a date. I just came back from an interview.” She grinned.

“Ooh! How did it go?”

Sujin kept her silence for a second before she finally burst with excitement, “I got it!” The girls squealed at the good news. “Its at this non-profit that works with providing clean water to under-developed countries.” She showed everyone the website for the company and the work that they did on her phone.

Everyone congratulated Sujin on her accomplishment. Even Seojun gave her a “Congratulations.” To which she thanked him.

“I’m glad you’re here. I didn’t think you’d come.” Suho told Seojun.

He wasn’t going to. But he had heard that Sujin hadn’t been present either and he had figured it would be okay for him to join everyone if she wasn’t there. 

She should have been an actress, Seojun thought as he watched Sujin behave like nothing was wrong.

The conversation over lunch flowed easily as it usually did. Everyone laughed, joked and shared about what had happened since they last met. No one seemed to notice that Seojun and Sujin were not speaking directly to each other, even once. They only spoke to everyone else.

It was only when Seojun was leaving the men’s room that he found Sujin waiting for him and jumped in surprise.

“Ah, ggam-jjak-ee-ya!” Seojun held his chest in shock.

“Aww, the great Han Seojun get’s scared?”

“Only when confronted by pervert girls who stalk boys outside the washrooms.”

Sujin narrowed her eyes. “Shut up! I wasn’t stalking. I was only waiting to talk to you.”

“That’s equally worrying. What do you want?” He said dismissively.

Sujin handed him a keychain. It was his own face made in cartoon form. “Here. I know how much you love seeing yourself.”

“What’s this for?”

Sujin cleared her throat. “An apology. Mianhae, Han Seojun. Last time—”

“I don’t want to hear it.” He handed the keychain back to Sujin. She grabbed his arm as he tried to leave.

“At least hear me out.”

“No.” Seojun pushed her arm away.

Sujin’s lips tightened. She grabbed Seojun’s arm again, pulling him with brute strength. “Will you just listen to me you big baby! I’m trying to apologize.” She glared at him.

“Why? I thought you hated me.”

Sujin’s face softened. “I don’t hate you, Han Seojun.” She let go of his arm. “That time… when you started talking about my father, I just lost it. I haven’t actually told anybody about what he did to me. Not even Suah and Jukyung know. All they know is that he was tough on me.”

“Lee Suho knows.” Seojun accused.

“He figured it out on his own. I never actually told him. How could I?” Sujin felt ridiculous admitting it out loud, “How could I tell him that I don’t know what a happy family looks like? I see Jukyung with her dad and Suah with hers and how they have such good relationships, and I can’t imagine being the same way with my father. And that makes me feel like a freak. People already give me weird looks because of my parents’ divorce. If they knew about my father, they’d think that I was crazy… and maybe I am, who knows.”

Seojun softened. “You’re not crazy, Sujin-ah.” 

There it was, that pity on Han Seojun’s face. Sujin hated it but she had come today to this lunch only to apologize to him and that is what she was going to do.

“I am, Han Seojun. Why else would I have said all of those mean things?” Sujin’s voice shook. Seojun moved to hug her but she stepped away. Him comforting her would be too much, she would fall to pieces if he did. She had to hold herself together, on her own. “I’m sorry Han Seojun. I didn’t mean any of it. Not a single word.”

Seojun nodded. “I know.” He felt like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders and only then did he notice how bothered he really had been about their fight.

“You guys not coming?” Suho asked as he passed by. Seojun and Sujin straightened themselves up and joined the others.

They found the girls giggling at something on Jukyung’s phone.

“What’s funny?”

“Ya Kang Sujin, your nose looks so big in this!” Suah commented. Jukyung turned the phone to Sujin. It was the video of the live event they had done.

“Aish!” Sujin said disapprovingly. “I look so weird in this video.”

Suho and Taehoon leaned over and laughed too as Sujin robotically read off the comments in the video.

“Maybe we can go Seojun’s makeup next.” Jukyung suggested.

“I’m a celebrity, Lim Jukyung.” He said haughtily, pulling the lapels of his jacket, “You can’t just have me on any show.”

Sujin wrinkled her nose at Seojun, “This coming from a guy who didn’t even know the difference between ppt and fitting.”

“That never happened!” Seojun contested. Everyone else laughed.

“Sujin-ah. Maybe I can have you on as a guest next time.” Jukyung suggested.

“Sure.” Sujin put her arm around Jukyung and whispered audibly, “And let’s do it when Suho isn’t around.” The girls winked to each other.

Suho smacked Sujin’s hand away from Jukyung’s shoulder. “Keep your hands off my girlfriend.”

“Sure. But I can’t guarantee she’ll keep her hands off me.” Sujin grinned evilly. Suho’s wide eyed, worried, expression made Jukyung laugh.

v.

Han Seojun fell on his face for the umpteenth time as he tried to hit the ball that Sujin had served. He was lucky they were all on the beach and his face was hitting soft sand instead of concrete.

“Ya, who’s idea was it to play volleyball?” Seojun asked as he brushed himself off.

“Quit being a sore loser, Han Seo!” Sujin called from the girl’s side of the net.

“Just you watch. I will make you eat your words!”

Of course, the boys lost. Suho was too distracted by Jukyung. Taehoon played bad on purpose because Suah said she wanted to win. Chorong was a bad at playing in general. The only two people taking this seriously were Han Seojun and Kang Sujin who ran around covering up for their team mates, as if their lives depended on winning. Sujin in particular refused to let Seojun get a single goal.

“You must really hate Han Seojun, huh?” Suah asked once the game was over.

“No. I just don’t like to lose.”

“Look at her, it’s like she’s going to war.” Jukyung laughed at the fire in Sujin’s eyes.

“Did you piss Kang Sujin off?” Taehoon was asking Seojun on the other side as the boys drank water.

“Nah, she’s just like that in general.” Seojun panted, still exhausted from the game.

A crowd of girls had gathered around their little game, drawn towards Suho and Seojun playing. They had cheered the boys on during the game and now they gravitated towards the two, hoping to get a chance to talk to them.

Suho had brushed them off in his usual rude manner. Seojun had been obliging, especially when they recognized who he was. He patiently signed autographs but couldn’t take pictures since his company didn’t allow them.

“Han Seojun, we have to get back.” Suah had come over to inform him.

“Yeah, just one minute.” The fans kept coming and coming. Seojun realized that maybe he should tell them he has to go. But as much as he wanted, he couldn’t say no to the hopeful girls who had liked the music that he made and had decided his signature was worth something.

“Han Seojun hurry up! We have to move!” Jukyung called.

“Just a second!”

Suho came over and rudely pushed through the crowd of girls. “Yah! Don’t be like that to my fans.” He tried dragging Seojun away but Seojun dodged him and the girls quickly pushed him back.

“Yah! Haven’t you girls had enough?!” Sujin’s voice boomed over the crowd, terrifying everyone. “And you girls over there!” Sujin pointed, “I saw you two return twice! You’re planning on selling those autographs, aren’t you?”

“Ya Kang Sujin—” Seojun began to protest.

“Don’t piss me off.” Sujin warned, “Our trip isn’t a place for you to have fan meetings.” She grabbed Seojun’s wrist and dragged him away before he could object.

The fangirls whispered to each other angrily, but none dared stand in Sujin’s way as she took Seojun away from them.

“Mwo-ya.”

“Who is that girl?”

“What the hell?”

“Come on, I’m hungry. We should get back to the resort.” Suho said when Seojun had joined them. He and Taehoon picked up their things and loaded them in their car.

At a distance, near a food cart, stood Kim Chorong. He watched as everyone got ready to leave. He could see Suah and Jukyung clinging to their boyfriends, his own posse goofing around and Han Seojun laughing and joking with his arm around Suho.

“Did you see how all those girls swarmed around me?” Seojun asked Jukyung. “Ya, aren’t you lucky to have a guy like me as your friend?”

“What lucky? You wasted all our time!” Jukyung scolded.

“Ah, I just can’t turn off my charms.”

Sujin scoffed, pulling a disgusted face, “Where? Where are these charms?” She put her hand over her eyes and mimicked searching.

“Right here!” Seojun replied, puffing his chest. “See how charming I am!”

“As charming as a sea louse maybe.”

“Yah!” The group laughed as Seojun pointed accusingly at Sujin.

Chorong had watched as Seojun pointed at Sujin in a huff while everyone laughed. It was the liveliest that Chorong had ever seen Han Seojun be.

“Chagi, what are you doing here all alone?” Chorong’s girlfriend came up to him.

“Geunyang.” Chorong put his arm around his girlfriend and walked towards the group.

They all went back to their resort, a beautiful location that Suho had paid for as this was the first time that everyone was going together since high school. They were all given shared rooms. Naturally, Chorong shared his with Seojun.

“Han Seojun,” Chorong began as Seojun changed out of his shirt, “I’m really happy for you.”

“Huh? What for?”

“You always used to complain about hanging out with everyone, but I don’t hear you do that anymore.” Chorong said sentimentally.

Seojun blinked. “Kim Chorong did you drink too much sea water? What kind of a weird thing is that to say?”

Chorong came up and hugged the half-naked Seojun, who balked at the gesture. “What the hell?!”

“Do you know how worried I was about you?” Chorong, with his enormous size, did not notice how Han Seojun desperately struggled to break free from his grip.

“Ya! You pervert, lemme go!”

“Ah-nee, look at you now. You said you would never go on an overnight trip with Suho and Jukyung, and yet here you are.”

Seojun stopped struggling. “What?”

It was odd that out of all people, Chorong had been the one to notice. “I’m so happy for you Han Seojun. Th—”

“Han Seojun, Jukyung’s asking if you would—whatthehell?” Sujin burst in and went still when she saw a half dressed Seojun being held by a sentimental looking Chorong.

Sujin betrayed no emotion. Just wordlessly took out her phone and promptly snapped a photo.

Han Seojun tried to push Chorong away, “No! Ya! Don’t you dare!”

“Jukyung is asking if you will sing songs for us. Quickly get dressed and come over, okay?” Sujin went out and Seojun caught a glimpse of her evil smile as she did.

“Yah! Kim Chorong!” Seojun shouted as Chorong finally let him go.

Of course, Seojun would perform. He always did when Jukyung asked. The group clapped at the end of the first song but the only reaction Seojun cared for was Jukyung. As usual, he found her engrossed with Lee Suho instead of him. Seojun couldn’t help but stare at the two.

“You sounded good.” Sujin came out of nowhere, blocking his view of Jukyung. Seojun knew, she was doing it on purpose.

“Too obvious?” He asked quietly.

“Too obvious. Suah almost noticed.” Sujin moved to block Suah’s line of vision to Seojun’s face.

“Thanks, I owe you one.” Seojun said.

“Pay me back with a song then.” Sujin rolled on her heels.

“Nope. Only Jukyung gets to request songs.”

She pfft-ed through her lips, “Mwo-ya. How stingy.” She turned on her heels.

“What song?” Seojun asked. Sujin smiled and turned back.

“You Were Beautiful by Day6.”

“Why not something by my band?” Seojun sounded almost insulted.

“I like Day6 better.” Sujin teased.

“I expected better taste from you, Kang Sujin.” Seojun adjusted the tuning of his guitar, testing the chords.

“Its my goodbye.” Sujin explained. “I’m moving on from Lee Suho.”

“Haven’t I heard that before?” Seojun said skeptically.

“Its for real this time.” Sujin said. Seojun looked up at her determined face.

“You’re serious.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah. It’s been long enough now. This is my way of making it official. So do a good job, okay?” Sujin walked away.

“I bet I’ll sing it better!” Seojun called after her.

“We’ll see!”

She hadn’t looked at Suho even once during his performance. But then, she hadn’t looked at anyone, just stared out the window. By the end she was tearing up. Seojun saw Suho happen to look over at Sujin.

He’s going to see her cry.

Seojun began to play his guitar loudly and messily, “Yeppeosseo! Yeppeosseo! Neon neomu yeppeosseo!” Everyone winced as he sang, or rather shouted, at the wrong note. But the abrupt bad singing had its intended effect. Suho’s attention was on Han Seojun. It took a second for Sujin to get the message. She sat up straight and wiped her face.

“Han Seojun! Stop it!” Suah yelled and Seojun stopped. “Are you in a rock band?”

Sujin sent him a grateful smile.

“It’s a totally new style of singing. You guys don’t like?” Seojun asked.

“No!” Came the resounding response.

Sujin’s was the only voice that said. “Yes!”

Seojun pointed his guitar at Sujin, head tilted back. “Better than Day6?”

“Much better!” Sujin grinned.

vi.

“YES! I WIN! I WIN!” Seojun ran around the court, pumping his fist in the air as Kang Sujin stared with a flat face and her hands on her hips. After having lost at nearly everything to Kang Sujin, Han Seojun had finally discovered something she was bad at.

“Are you really that happy?” She said, her upper lip pulled up in disdain.

“Ya! How can someone be so bad at basketball? You didn’t score a single goal!” Seojun’s eyes were wide with pure joy, his cheeks uplifted in a wide smile.

“Stop making fun of me.” Sujin fumed. She hated losing.

“I mean, I’ve never seen anyone lose so bad!” He laughed while pointing at Sujin, relishing in her first defeat. He knew he was great at basketball, but he hadn’t expected Sujin to be that bad. Sujin looked away, puffing up her cheeks.

“Zero!” He made a circle from his finger and thumb, “You got zero! I’ve seen worse players score more on accident!”

“Ah shut up!” She stomped her foot, "I was just off my game!”

“Off your game? Wae? Was my handsome face too distracting for you?” Seojun expected Sujin to come after him with a flying kick, or a punch in the shoulder or even a pithy retort. What he didn’t expect was the deep blush that spread across her cheeks. She looked around, choosing to look anywhere but him.

“Oh my God, jinjja? You got distracted by my face?” Seojun moving to look at her face better.

“Ah-nee-godun!” Sujin yelled, dodging his gaze. “Who would get distracted by those mean eyes?”

“Oh, so it was my eyes?” Seojun purred.

“As if!”

“Ooooooh! You’re even blushing!” He teased.

“I’m red from playing!” Sujin spun around and walked away, leaving Seojun laughing.

“I’m joking! I’m joking! I know it’s not that. Come back Sujin-ah!”

They changed out of their sweaty gym clothes. Seojun was wearing his typical brown coat over black pants and a black turtle-neck sweater. He was ready before Sujin so he waited for her outside.

She came out all dolled up, her hair brushed straight, fresh makeup on her face. She had a white coat over a pretty, pale pink dress. Seojun didn’t understand why she had dressed up so brightly today. She even had heels on. Sujin had denied any special reason when he had asked before so he figured this was just a girl thing that he would never understand.

They had only walked a couple of steps when Sujin stopped in her tracks. “Ah, shit. I think I forgot my phone inside.”

“Why are you so distracted today? Where is your head, Kang Sujin?” Seojun complained. Sujin ran back inside to get her phone.

“Got it!” She came back running.

They walked over to the café that they frequented to the point where the barista recognized them now.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t go to the amusement park like you wanted.” Seojun apologized.

Sujin waved a hand dismissively, “Doesn’t matter. It was just a throw away suggestion.”

“But I understand why you wanted to go there instead.”

“You do?” Sujin asked with a tinge of worry.

“Its because you didn’t want me to find out you were bad at basketball, didn’t you?” Seojun snapped his fingers.

Sujin’s face fell. She clicked her tongue in disappointment.

“I’m right, aren’t I?”

Sujin replied sarcastically, “Ah, you’re totally right Han Seojun. I am so immature that all I care about is winning against a guy who thought Einstein was an appliance.”

“That happened only once.” Seojun defended.

A silence fell between them as their order came. Wordlessly, Sujin drank her iced latte and Seojun sipped his iced Americano. They often had these moments where neither would speak. But it was a comfortable silence. Sometimes Seojun and Sujin just enjoyed each other’s company without feeling the need to talk.

“You know we never finished our five questions.” Sujin reminded.

“Oh wow. That feels like it was so long ago.” Seojun leaned his head back as he tried to remember. “We covered the When. Where… I don’t remember where I fell in love with Jukyung. I think it was the moment in school where she was making fun of my…” Seojun cleared his throat.

“One of these days I’ll find out what that incident was, Han Seojun.” Sujin claimed.

“But not today.” He smiled. “So yeah, I think it was in school. What about you?”

“I think it was at the tutoring centers. I used to go there to study. My father had hit me, and I was in a strange place at that time. Suho comforted me and I guess that was when I realized I liked him. Now you, why did you like Lim Jukyung?”

Seojun leaned back and thought for the longest time. “She was… unexpected. I only started to pester her because I thought she was dating Suho.”

“Yeah, I remember that pestering part.”

Ya, Han Seojun are you a gangster?! Whiplash. Every time Seojun remembered that moment he felt whiplash.

“Since I hated Suho at that time, I had expected her to be hateful too. I thought she was just some vain, mindless girl but… she was the complete opposite. She was kind and thoughtful. She had a good heart and that made her beautiful to me. With or without makeup.” Seojun paused, then suddenly chuckled.

“What?”

“It’s funny. Before, I was never able to pin down what I liked about her. My feelings always seemed so complicated. But now that I see it… it feels so obvious.”

Seojun didn’t notice Sujin looking down at her hands, nervously rubbing them together, “Seojun, do you ever think you coul—” She spoke just when Seojun did.

“What did you like about Suho—oh sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“No, no.” Sujin shook her head. “I wasn’t saying anything. You were asking why I liked Lee Suho? Umm…” Sujin thought about it.

“Lee Suho, has never once liked a girl. Not before Jukyung, at least. There was a time when I was his only friend in school. And I thought… I misunderstood, his kindness as interest. I’ve always been pushed to get the number one position, you know? I always had to be number one. And when I thought that the guy that liked no one, liked me… it made me feel like I was number one, even if I ranked low on the grade sheet.” Sujin looked out the glass wall of the café, out on the street where people were walking, and it was slightly drizzling.

“When he found out that my father hit me, I thought he would see me as a crazy person, or pity me, or judge me for hating my father. But he never did. He only comforted me. He just… understood. And it was the first time that I felt that there was someone else who could understand me and understand what I was going through. That’s why I liked Lee Suho.”

Sujin looked back at Seojun. His mouth had shrunken into a small curve.

“But now he’s just annoying.” Sujin said in a lighter tone, “I mean, at a certain point you start hating people when they appear too perfect, isn’t that so?”

Seojun attempted a smile but it was weak.

“I’m happy now, Seojun-ah. I’m happy that I’m not with Suho. I think its for the best. If I think about it. Suho and I are too similar. We didn’t need more of the same. We needed someone who would help us change. Jukyung helped Suho do that. I could never have.”

“That’s a healthy way to look at it. Though I still think I’m perfect for Jukyung.” Seojun said smugly.

Sujin scoffed. “You think you’re perfect for every girl.”

“Where’s the lie?”

“Here! Yeogi! Here’s the lie.” Sujin tapped her finger on Seojun’s side of the table.

“Ah, Kang Sujin. You have no taste.” Seojun squinted his eyes at her in mock pity.

“And you have the IQ of a sloth.”

“I don’t need a high IQ. My greatest strength is my charm.”

“You keep mentioning this charm but I never see it.” Sujin put her hand over her eyes and began to search around.

They bickered in the café till the barista had to remind them, that they were being too loud. The banter continued as Seojun walked her all the way to her apartment. Throughout the way, Seojun could notice Sujin acting nervously; playing with the hem of her dress, combing her hair again and again, wiping her sweaty palms against her coat when she thought he wasn’t looking. He felt she had something to say to him but he didn’t want to ask what it was. If Kang Sujin had something to say, she said it.

Then, out of the blue, she swiveled on her heel to stand right in front of him.

“Ya, Han Seojun…”

“What?”

Sujin gulped. “Ah-nee-da. It’s nothing.” She turned her back to him.

“Whaaaat?” Seojun whined. “You’ve been fidgeting this while time so you definitely have something to say. What is it?”

“I forgot.” Sujin said, walking ahead, biting her lip.

“Mwo-ya…” Seojun let it go. She probably had more to say about Lee Suho and he wasn’t in any mood to hear it.

“Good night, Sujin-ah.” Seojun said when they reached her building.

“D-Do you wanna come up?” Sujin asked, stuttering a bit.

“Nah. I should go. I have an early day tomorrow.”

“Ah, okay.”

“Chalga.” Seojun waved goodbye. He had not walked more than ten steps when Sujin called out to him.

“Han Seojun!”

“What?”

Sujin hesitated. “B-Bye!”

Seojun chuckled. “Mwo-ya. She’s so weird.”

Sujin saw him wave and then leave. “If he turns, then I’ll tell him.” She told herself, trying to work up the courage to say what she had been meaning to the entire night.

But he never turned. Seojun just kept on walking and walking till he disappeared into the crowd.

“I like you, Han Seojun.” Sujin confessed to the wind. “I like you a lot.”

vii.

Han Seojun had to be absent for the whole month due to his idol duties. Sujin was glad for his absence. It had given her time to set her head straight about her feelings. She could still vividly remember, that last time she had ever confessed to a guy and that was back in high school. She clearly recalled how Suho had looked at her with disgust when she had said, or rather declared that he would have liked her if she had confessed first.

No. I wouldn’t have.

“Aish! What was I thinking saying all of those things?” She pulled at her hair as she rolled over in her bed. The humiliation of demanding that Suho break up with Jukyung, and ridiculously saying that she would toss Jukyung aside for him was too much. On top of that, she had tried to kiss Suho and he had pushed her away, repulsed. That in and of itself made her stomach ache with embarrassment.

She had a good heart and that made her beautiful to me. With or without makeup.

“Ah out of all people why him?! Why another guy who loves Lim Jukyung?! What the hell is wrong with me?!” Sujin groaned, rolling around in her bed over and over. Was she obsessed with men who were into Jukyung? Sujin felt frustrated with herself and wanted to throw her heart out.

She just has this warmth about her that just… draws you in.

Kind, caring, genuine, warm; none of those things describe me. Good heart? A single search on the internet would reveal just how good my heart is. Betraying my best friend and ruining all of my friendships in the process… who would say I have a good heart?

Sujin couldn’t compete with the shadow cast by Lim Jukyung. Even if Seojun did start to like her, Lim Jukyung would always be his first love. And just like always, Sujin would be second.

Sujin felt a familiar jealousy creep in; a resentment, a hate, an anger. It was history repeating itself. It was Lim Jukyung again. Why? Why did it have to be her? She and Suho had ten years worth of history between them and even that couldn’t compare to how he felt for Jukyung. Sujin and Seojun had only a year worth of friendship, a quarter of which included Seojun hating her.

It was a dark feeling. A heavy feeling. Like a weight in her chest. Sujin carried it with her whereever she went. She was supposed to meet everyone today. Seojun was suppsed to be back. She felt like she would be a coward if she didn’t go. But she felt like she would hate Jukyung more if she saw her. In the end she did go, and that weight in her chest went with her.

Jukyung was outside alone when Sujin saw her. She was finishing up a call.

Why? Why did it have to be her? Whywhywhy?

Sujin stopped in her tracks. No. She thought resolutely. She would not make the same mistake again. She would not let her feelings take over her judgement. She would not lose her friend again. As much as she loved Han Seojun, she loved her friendship with Lim Jukyung even more.

“Sujin-ah! You’re here-Oh?”

Sujin enveloped Jukyung in a massive hug, almost on the verge of tears. Jukyung hugged her back, confused.

“You know I love you, right?” Sujin said.

“Dangyunhaji! I love you too.” Jukyung hugged her tighter.

“I’ll always be a good friend to you, Jukyung-ah. I promise.” Sujin sniffed.

“Oh, are you crying?”

“No, there’s just something in my eye.” Sujin quickly wiped her face while still holding Jukyung so that she wouldn’t see her cry.

But before she could part, something pulled her collar from behind.

An irritated Suho stood, still tugging at her collar, “You’re not stealing my fiancée.”

“I bet she’d prefer me to you.”

“Okay! Okay! No fighting!” Jukyung declared a ceasefire.

“Are we fighting?” Seojun came up, putting his arm casually around Suho. “If it’s a fight, my bet’s on Sujin.”

“Wae. You think she’s better than me?” Suho asked.

“She’s scarier than you.”

“You traitor.” Suho released himself from Seojun’s side hug and went inside, grumbling. Jukyung followed after him.

“What was that about?” Seojun asked Sujin.

Sujin looked at him. His delicate, boyish features, his mean looking eyes that carried a surprising warmth. Her heartbeat wildly like a hummingbird. Sujin felt like she could spend an entire day just staring at his face. And then she felt it again, the quiet darkness that reminded her that she could never be with him. Quite suddenly, Sujin spun around and kicked Han Seojun in the back.

“Yah! What was that for?!” Seojun yelled.

“For being you.” She said and walked in, leaving Seojun bruised and confused.

viii.

You were pretty

The feeling of not wanting anything more

Moments that only you gave

Everything, everything

Everything has passed

But you were so pretty

Seojun hummed the song as he finalized the playlist for Jukyung’s wedding. Of course, he was going to perform at Jukyung’s wedding. It only made sense given his connection to Jukyung and Suho. The fact that Suho’s father was an important man at Move Entertainment also helped make things official.

A part of Han Seojun had wished that Jukyung hadn’t asked him. He was terrified of her wedding day; terrified of what his heart might do to him, terrified that he might feel compelled to run away with her in front of everyone.

Right now Seojun was calm. But it felt like it was the calm before the storm.

“Memories of me, have probably become, a thing of the past for you too, whatever I saw to you, it will all be something, in the past.”

“What’s that? New song?” His band mate asked when he overheard Seojun singing to himself.

“Hmm? No, its Day6.” The song had been stuck in his head since the day he had sung it for Sujin.

“You’re going to play a cover for your friend?”

“Yeah.” It would be his send off to Jukyung. Like Kang Sujin, Seojun was going to put an end to his chapter with Jukyung.

His bandmate put the song on their speaker. After the first verse he declared, “Yah! You can’t play a breakup song at a wedding.”

“Is it too obvious? I was hoping I could get away with it.” Seojun scratched the back of his head, stretching. He had been on his computer for hours now.

“Take it off. Choose something else.”

Seojun went back through his list of songs that he wanted to play. There was one other song that he had discovered recently by a disbanded group. He had really connected with the lyrics and it wasn’t a breakup song.

“How about this?” Seojun played it.

“Yeah, that’s perfect. Use that for the couple dance.” His bandmate said.

The anticipation of the pain kept Seojun up all night. He worried about how he might behave or what might happen. The next day he woke up grouchy and depressed.

“Woah! Why do you look like a ghost?” His bandmate had said when Seojun arrived that morning. He would be going to the wedding with his band, given that they were performing. This might have been easier if he had gone with his friends.

Don’t worry. I’m here if you need me. Sujin had texted that morning. But Seojun was done relying on Sujin like a crutch. He would deal with things on his own. He didn’t want Sujin to think that all he was good for was complaining about his broken heart.

Seojun waited for the pain to hit when they arrived at the location but it didn’t. The wedding planner helped Seojun and his band set up along with members of Seojun’s own staff. When everything was good to go, Seojun took his leave to meet Jukyung in the bridal room where everyone was taking pictures with her.

Here it comes. The pain. How would it feel? Would Seojun cry again?

“Seojun-ah! You’re here!” Jukyung said. She looked stunning in her beautiful white dress. “Hurry! Get in the picture!”

Everyone was there, already positioned for the shot. Seojun joined Sujin to the side. She was wearing a tasteful black pant suit that fit her well. She was wearing makeup which Seojun noticed looked similar to one of Jukyung’s tutorials.

“How does it feel?” He whispered to Sujin.

“Meh.” She replied. “You?”

It was strange. Seojun didn’t feel anything. “Oddly enough, I feel fine.” Surely he was in shock. The pain would hit any time soon. 

It was a while before the pictures were done. Seojun’s cheeks felt sore from all of the smiling.

“Come with me to see Suho.” Sujin held up her arm and Seojun took it. She escorted him to where Suho was receiving his guests.

“Lee Su! Congratulations!” Sujin hugged him. Seojun did the same.

“Yah! I can’t believe we’re old enough to get married.” Seojun commented. Suho laughed.

Chorong and the Seojun Squad came over too, patting a blushing Suho on the back.

Seojun couldn’t help but think that Seyeon would have loved to have seen this. Sujin sensed his sadness and bumped shoulders with him.

“Okay?”

“Uh-huh.” Seojun smiled. Oddly enough he was. The pain still hadn’t hit.

A couple of girls walked up to him and asked him whether he really was the Han Seojun they were fans of.

“Of course!” Seojun puffed his chest and signed their autographs. He couldn’t see it but he could feel Sujin’s disgusted gaze on his back. When they were gone, Seojun turned to Sujin with an arrogant grin.

“Ah, I hope more people won’t bother me for my autograph.” He said in fake modesty.

“You should be grateful to have any fans.” She scoffed at him.

“Ugh. You’re too mean, Sujin-ah.” Seojun pouted.

“Ugh. You’re too childish, Seojun-ah.” Sujin mimicked him.

“Um. Excuse me.” A shy looking girl approached Seojun.

“Oh, you want an autograph too?” Seojun had a pen ready. Sujin gave him her most scathing side eye.

“Um actually—”

“You want a picture too? Sorry but I’m not allowed to take pictures at the moment. But I’ll sign if you like.”

The girl blushed deeply. “No, um—”

“Oh I get it.” Seojun swiped his hair dramatically from his forehead. “You’re here to confess to me. Well then I should let you know—”

“They’dlikeyoubackonstage!” The girl quickly blurted. “They’d like you to join your band. The ceremony is about to begin.”

Sujin laughed uproariously, that clear gurgle of pure, high pitched happiness that Seojun often enjoyed. But not in this moment. Not when his arrogance had been so efficiently deflated.

“Sure. I’ll be right there.” He mumbled to the girl who scurried away. Sujin was still laughing. “Found that funny, did you?” Seojun said, but it was not a reprimand. He liked that she was happy.

“Yes.” Sujin wiped away tears.

“You’re going to regret making fun of me when I perform.” He said, comically pulling the lapels of his jacket before leaving.

The lights dimmed as the wedding began. The Master of Ceremonies kicked things off, guiding everyone through everything. The band only played instrumental now. Suho entered first. Jukyung entered after him, looking every bit the ethereal angel that she was.

The couple exchanged their wows and drank the traditional wine. They then bowed to each other and bowed to their guests. Even in the darkness, Seojun could pick out Sujin. From the light glittering off her cheeks he could tell she was crying. He was too. But these were happy tears. His friends were about to make a new journey in their life together and he was happy for them. Truly. That pain he had dreaded over Jukyung’s wedding never did show up. Perhaps it never would. All he could feel was excitement for his closest friends.

Seojun had only one regret, that Seyeon hadn’t been able to see this moment. Seyeon’s was the one absence he always felt. In that moment, Han Seojun swore that he saw Seyeon among the guests. He saw his friend smile to Lee Suho’s and then to him. But Seojun blinked and Seyeon was gone but Seojun would keep that image of Seyeon similing with him forever.

Once the formal ceremony was over, it was time for the real party to begin. Seojun and his band turned up the performance, raising the mood of the room. People danced and sang along with them as they played so well that Sujin realized she could no longer make fun of Seojun when he bragged about his band.

The band then slowed things down, the set finally reaching the song Seojun was excited to play. He emptied his mind of everything but that one song and how it made him feel. This was for Suho and Jukyung and he was going to give his best performance tonight.

The bride and groom took center stage and swayed as Seojun played a softer version of Haru by a lesser known band, Royal Pirates. His rich baritone filled the room as everyone listened, entranced.

“You’re not a traditional beauty, but I like you, you who gets more attractive everyday.”

Seojun had never understood why people considered her attractive. To him, beauty had never mattered. But as he had gotten to know her, he found her to be more beautiful that how others described her.

“You don’t have a feminine voice, but the more I hear it, the more I get attached.”

He could hear her now, scolding him, yelling at him, throwing witty remarks at him that caused him whiplash, which was just his heart beating really fast.

“I can’t call you often, but I always miss you.  Each minute, each second. Yeah-yeah.”

When he thought about it, they never really hung out as much as he did with Suho or his Seojun Squad. Most of the time Seojun was busy with work and so was she. But he still looked forward to the times he would meet her again.

“An entire day would pass just by looking at you. If I look at you, I can’t do anything else. Oooooooh. An entire day would pass just by thinking of you. I won’t be able to sleep at thoughts of you. But I can’t help it, an entire day would pass just because of you.”

Time did fly when they were together. Whether he liked her or hated her, he had to admit. She was never boring. Even through the mundane stuff, she always kept his attention. With her brows furrowed as she concentrated, her mouth turned like an ‘n’. He smiled whenever he thought about it.

“We have so many differences. But you fill up what I lack. No matter how much I see you, you’re always beautiful. No matter what anyone says.”

She was always ahead of him; so much smarter and stronger. Beating him at everything. Well, everything except—wait. He never played basketball with Jukyung.

Seojun missed a note. The guitar twanged awkwardly as he stopped singing. His hands were shaking but he didn’t have time to digest what had just happened. The moment only lasted a half-second; Seojun had recovered quickly and continued. No one paid attention to his little mess up, but his hands were still shaking, and his heart felt like it would burst.

He couldn’t think about it. But how couldn’t he? This song had been for her all along. He had been staring at Kang Sujin the entire time he was performing, without even knowing it.

“An entire day would pass just by looking at you. If I look at you, I can’t do anything else. Oooooooh. An entire day would pass just by thinking of you. I won’t be able to sleep at thoughts of you. But I can’t help it, an entire day would pass just because of you.”

The base guitarist for his band leaned over to him when the song was done.

“Thought you lost your footing for a bit there.”

“You noticed? Did anyone else did?”

“Nah, I think you’re safe. But are you okay? You’re shaking.”

“Nothing.” Seojun said, more to himself, “Its… its nothing.”

ix.

He never got to see her again at the wedding. The band was surrounded by fans once they finished so they had to be escorted out. Their food had been arranged separately for privacy. By the time Seojun got the chance to break free, Sujin, along with most of the guests, had left.

Which was good because he needed to settle himself before he said anything to anyone. He couldn’t make heads or tails of what had happened.

“I like Kang Sujin? Ridiculous. Totally, ridiculous. This would never happen!”

Be that as it may, his heart still acted strangely when he got a text from her asking if he was okay. She was worried about him since Jukyung and Suho were now married. He told her tersely that he was busy and couldn’t meet. Then threw his phone away when he realized he actually really wanted to meet her.

It was the first time that I felt that there was someone else who could understand me and understand what I was going through.

Seojun could still remember his irritation when Sujin had told him why she liked Lee Suho. He had resented the fact that yet another girl saw Lee Suho as perfect. How could Han Seojun ever compare to the perfectly perfect Lee Suho? He and Sujin had ten years between them and a shared tragedy with their fathers that Seojun didn’t have.

Ah-nee, can’t I be someone who understands? Can’t she see that I get her too?

“Ridiculous. Why would I want her to think I understand her? Ridiculous.”

If Han Seojun had to answer the What, When, Where and Why of his feelings, he would not be able to put it into words. His feelings were intense and complicated. Too complicated for even him to comprehend. Which is why the braincell that he shared with Suho decided that he must be mistaken and that he didn’t actually have any feelings for Sujin.

“Ah-ne-da. I must have been overwhelmed because of Jukyung. Yes, that must be it. It must be a defense mechanism. I’m only thinking about her to protect myself, because I’m still not over Jukyung.”

It made sense. She was the only other girl he was close to in his squad, and they had been hanging out together more than they used to. His heart must have just gotten confused for a moment. Yes, that was it and nothing more.

The group did not meet each other for a while. Suho and Jukyung had gone off to their honeymoon. Suah and Taehoon had their own things. Seojun only met up with Chorong and Co. but his heart was never in those meetings.

He wouldn’t meet up with her. She tried texting and calling but he always gave her an excuse.

Why did we start meeting so much in the first place? He hadn’t noticed when it had happened, but Sujin had become someone he had come to rely on and this he only noticed when he started avoiding her.

“Seojun, you’re not coming to the flower festival?” Chorong asked, shaking him out of his thoughts.

“Huh? What flower festival?”

“Ah-nee, where is your mind these days? You attend it every year! Did you forget?”

Oh right. Seojun always did like to see the flower exhibitions held once a year. He always got flowers for his mother and sister when he went. It may have seemed like a ridiculous hobby for a boy to be so interested in flowers. But Seojun unabashedly liked them and of course, Chorong and Co. were always there to go with him.

“Of course I’m going to attend. Wae?”

“Sujinnie was asking if she could tag along with us. Suah and Taehoon are not around so she has no one to go with.”

Sujinnie?! Seojun blinked rapidly. “Ya, since when are you and Kang Sujin close?”

“Waegurae? Aren’t we all friends with her now? Did something happen?”

Seojun put on a straight face, “Ah-nee!” He exclaimed in a pitch too high, “Nothing happened. I’m just surprised, as all.”

“Aigoo. Did you guys fight? Sujin did say you haven’t been replying to her texts recently.”

Seojun tried hiding his curiosity, “You’ve spoken to her?” He said, as nonchalantly as he could, which wasn’t nonchalant at all.

“Of course. We all had drinks yesterday.”

“What?! Why the hell did you guys meet her and not me?”

“Seojun, she did text you about it.” One of his friends pointed out.

“Yeah! And why are you acting so weird? Do you hate Kang Sujin again?” Chorong asked.

“Ya! Don’t hate her! We like her now!”

“Yes!” Half the group said together.

“Arasso! Arasso! Calm down.” Seojun waved at them to chill. It wasn’t as if he minded that Kang Sujin was hanging out with his friends. But he did feel a sense of betrayal that he didn’t know about it.

“So, how about it? Will you go?” Chorong asked.

The flower festival was an exhibition where all flower vendors came over to show off their best products. People looking for suppliers of flowers and the public in general could attend, buy flowers or just enjoy the various arrangements.

Seojun went with Chorong and the others. Sujin was there waiting for them.

“Ya Han Seojun! You’re alive!” She lit up when she saw him, punching him in the chest with a brutal force only she had.

“Yah! How could you hurt an idol like that?” Seojun rubbed his chest in pain.

“Oh, sorry. Did I hurt you?”

“Not at all!” Seojun said, “I’m a man. I don’t get hurt.”

“Pfft. Sure.” Sujin grinned.

They went through the various stalls that showcased the various beautiful flowers. The group seemed to have broken off. Chorong was led away by his girlfriend to take some pictures. The boys all banded around a strange, evil looking plant like school children. Seojun and Sujin seemed to have taken a track of their own.

“You don’t want to take pictures?” Seojun asked, pointing at Chorong and his girlfriend who were stopping at every stall.

“I don’t care for that sort of thing. Wae? You want me to take yours?”

“No. We should take on together.”

Seojun took out his phone and pulled Sujin closer, taking a selfie.

“Ya, you can’t even see the flowers.” Sujin complained.

“Yes, you can.” Seojun put a hand to his cheek. “Right here. I’m the flower.”

Sujin’s lip curled in disdain. “Ah, right.” She said dryly. Seojun laughed and she couldn’t help but smile too.

As a regular attendee, Seojun knew most of the repeat vendors there. He took Sujin around, introducing her to the people who knew him and showing her the various flowers he liked. Sujin listened to him go on at length about where the flowers came from and what they meant.

“You know the language of flowers?” Sujin asked, thinking back to the white tulips and the yellow roses he had gotten her way back when.

“Dangyunhaji! Every man should know flowers. How else will you impress the ladies?”

Sujin chuckled. “You know if being an idol doesn’t pan out, you can always be a florist.”

“I’m too pretty to be a florist. The flowers would all wither in shame.”

Sujin patted his head, sarcastically remarking, “Aigoo, our Seojun has suffered so much for being so good looking. It must have been so difficult, living like this.”

It felt nice being with Sujin again. Seojun felt oddly energetic; like he could run a mile and not break a sweat. He babbled about this and that and wondered if Sujin was getting bored. But she never was, she listened and nodded and responded when need be. Time flew by and before he knew it, they had finished going through the festival.

He pulled at the sleeve of her coat, “There’s something else you should see.”

In the back corner, hidden away from the main area were the small level vendors who could only afford the cheaper stalls. It was a street that led away from the festival. Only a couple of people were around.

“These people don’t earn that much because they’re always placed at the back. But they have the best flowers.”

Seojun introduced her to the people that were running the stall, all of whom he knew by name. Some of them gave Sujin flowers for free. She gratefully took them.

The day was almost ending, the slow sunset had begun. A lot petals had been shed. The street with these vendors was covered in these petals, making it look like a path made entirely of flowers.

“This is really beautiful, Seojun-ah.” Sujin said, admiring the street.

“Yeah.” Seojun said, looking at her.

One of the stalls was filled entirely with tulips. Bright yellow owns, pretty pink ones, eccentric multi-colored ones. Seojun pulled out a purple one and gave it to Sujin.

“Here you go, Princess.” Purple tulips represented regality. Sujin smiled.

“Aaand…” Seojun’s picked out a red one. “Here.” He said. Then quickly-— a little too quickly— he added. “Ah-Because it matches your coat.” He pointed at Sujin’s red coat.

Sujin looked at the flower, then back at him. But said nothing.

They strolled over to a bridge that overlooked the entire festival. The descending sun had set everything in a warm glow. The air smelled sweet with all of the flowers. Petals flew in the air.

“Here.” Sujin handed the tulips back to Seojun.

“Why? They’re for you.”

Sujin smiled. “Phabo. You should be giving them to the girl you like. And tell her what they mean when you give them.”

Seojun sighed wistfully, “The girl I like doesn’t know the language of flowers.”

Sujin hit him lightly with the tulips. “I wasn’t talking about Lim Jukyung. Go and like someone else, and bring her here, and give them these.”

“I wasn’t talking about Lim Jukyung either.”

“Mwo-ya. You have someone you like?”

Seojun’s bit his lip. “Yeah. But I’m going to give up.”

“Waaaee? You only just got over Lim Jukyung!”

“Because this girl likes someone else too.”

“Omo, chincha?” Sujin laughed. “Again? Ya, Han Seojun, can’t you choose a better girl to like?”

Seojun gave a sad chuckle. “I know, right?”

“Who is she? Do I know her?”

“Yeah.”

“Who is it? Tell me!”

“Nope. Secret.”

“Ugh, how stingy. At least give me a hint. What does she look like?”

Seojun looked at Sujin, “She’s beautiful. Very beautiful.”

“Ayyy, that’s every girl out there.”

“Well, that’s all the hint I’m giving.”

Sujin punched his arm but relented. It was perhaps better to not know who Seojun liked. Sujin would have been filled with jealousy again and she didn’t want that.

It was curious however, that Seojun found someone he liked, and she didn’t even know. It was curiouser that this new girl had someone she liked too. Just like Sujin, Han Seojun had—

Sujin looked at the tulips in her hand. They stood out among the other flowers the various vendors had given her. Sujin looked at Seojun, who was busy admiring the sunset.

It was strange, but in that moment, she remembered something her teacher had once said.

Some of you don’t know what it is you really want. And some of you do know but you’re hesitant. However, opportunities come without warning and you must be prepared to take advantage of it.

“Han Seojun.”

“Hmm?”

Sujin pointed the flowers at him, tilting her head slightly. Much like he had done a long time ago when he had asked her Do you think I’m handsome?

“Do you like me?”

And just like she had, Seojun answered immediately, with no remorse or regret. “Yes.”

Like the cool girl she was, Sujin didn’t overreact or exclaim in surprise. She only casually said, “I like you too. So, we should date.”

A beat of a pause. One, two three.

“What? What?! WHAT?! You like me? You like me?! Me?! As in, Han Seojun?”

“Yes you, you idiot. Manhi Joahae.”

“What? Ican’tbelievethis. How? Why? Wait, you asked me if I liked you. Did you already know?” Seojun appeared as if his brain had malfunctioned.

Sujin grinned. “You phabo, even if I didn’t know flower language, I could still tell by the red tulip. Ah-nee, red is the universal color for romance. Didn’t you know?”

Seojun’s face was a mixture of wonder, shock and pure happiness. His eyes were wide, cheeks red and pulled up, mouth hanging open in a slow smile. He had no words to speak. He felt like he would explode like a firecracker and light up the sky in sparks.

“You like me? You really like me?”

Sujin closed the distance between them, pulling at the lapel of his coat. She gave him only a chaste peck on his lips before moving back, blushing. “It’s official now. So, no backing out, okay?”

His mind, that was already haywire, went blank.

He pulled Sujin by the waist, pressing her entire form to him and cupped her face with his other hand. The kiss he gave her was intense and she gasped before giving in to him. Sujin felt she could stay like this forever. The kiss only ended because their mouths kept pulling back in an uncontrollable grin.

“You like me?” Seojun asked.

“Yes.”

He kissed her again but they couldn’t stop smiling. Both of them were shaking.

“You like me?” He asked again.

“Yes.” She replied again, chuckling.

And they kissed again.

“You like me?”

“Yes!” She laughed.

And they kissed again. And he asked again, she replied again, and they kissed again and again and again.

 EPILOGUE

When Seojun and Sujin told Jukyung and the others that they were dating, it had been the first of April. So naturally everyone assumed they were joking. Seojun and Sujin hadn’t realized this and were surprised at the luke warm response that everyone gave to their announcement.

“Yes. We believe you.” Suah had said and Sujin missed her sarcastic tone.

when Seojun gushed over Sujin, the group all just looked at each other thinking, Wow, they’re really dedicated to this prank.

And even when they left together, the group all gathered and said;

“You believe them?”

“Why pull a prank that’s so obvious?”

“Exactly! Han Seojun and Kang Sujin? No way.”

Only Suho had been the one to keep his silence and not say anything.

But when they all met up again and Seojun and Sujin acted like a couple again, everyone gasped in shock.

“What?!”

“You guys are actually dating?!”

“How?! How did this happen?”

Only Suho had been the one who wasn’t surprised. “Congratulations. I’m happy for the two of you.” He had said warmly.

“Sujin-ah, what about our affair?” Jukyung said despondently, making a crying face.

“I’ll let you know when Seojunnie goes on tour.” Sujin assured her quietly.

“YAH!” Both Suho and Seojun exclaimed in protest, pulling their girlfriends away from each other.

“Lim Jukyung, you keep your hands off my girlfriend.” Seojun warned.

“I will. But there’s no guarantee she’ll keep her hands off me.”

Chorong and Co. had a similar reaction, they all exploded into shock and happiness at the news. Only Chorong seemed unsurprised.

“So you finally figured out your feelings?” Chorong asked Seojun.

“You knew?”

“Friends know.”

To Sujin, Chorong said, “Sujin-ah, I respect you a lot. But if you hurt—”

“Arasso, arasso. I won’t hurt your precious Han Seojun.”

“I meant don’t hurt me if he ever pisses you off. You scare the shit out of me.”

When enough time had passed and they knew they had to tell their parents, they went to Seojun’s mother first. The woman had been pleasantly surprised by this news and declared Sujin a part of the family immediately. She had met Sujin before and had taken a liking to her immediately but now that she and Seojun were dating, the woman gushed and cried.

“Ah, I have another daughter now.” She said, kissing Sujin on the forehead.

The tricky part was Sujin’s mother, who was still a little pissed over the scandal.

“What will people say if you announce this online?!” The woman had argued.

“But mom,” Sujin made a flower pot with her hands around Seojun’s face, “look at how handsome he is.” And that was enough to entice Mrs. Kang.

Receiving so much happiness and love from everyone was an unfamiliar experience for Sujin. So much so that it terrified her. She felt like she was in a dream that would shatter any minute and she would suddenly wake up back in her old bed with her father banging on the door, screaming at her that she was worthless.

It was this image that jerked Sujin awake in the middle of the night. She sat up straight, her heart was pounding, her hands felt sweaty and clammy. Her father’s shouting was still ringing in her ears.

Seojun stirred on the other side of the bed, “Bad dream?” His rich baritone was husky from sleep but it cut through the darkness of the room and Sujin didn’t feel so scared anymore.

“Um-hmm.”

“Come here.” Seojun patted her side of the bed. She fell back into his arms, nuzzling her nose in his neck.

He sang to her softly, his deep voice soothing her. “Love, love the stars. Love, love the moon. Nothing has really changed. It’s still the same air. With the same bed looking at the same ceiling.”

Sujin’s hands stopped feeling clammy and dirty and soon enough, she drifted off to sleep, dreaming of flowers and sunsets.

 THE END.

A/N: Dear reader, if you stuck till the end and liked what I wrote, then thank you. Saranghae <3

Please have my badly made memes with my sarangs