#but you DONT. HAVE TO SAY. HIS WASNT TRAUMATIC FOR THAT TO BE TRUE.

[orcelito]

From a scale of 1 to "ritzy orphanage", what level of bullshit have you read today?

[yourlovermumu]

Okay… hear me out

Teacher Miguel giving extra credit to virgin student but she has to let him f her 😱

“Um mr O’Hara we shouldn’t be doing this..”

While she’s getting destroyed

“Oh and you act like you don’t love it”

OH I AM HEARING YOU OUT ALR

warning: non con, teacher-student non con, full nelson, blackmailing.

dont like it dont read it i dont wanna traumatize you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

you have been failing your classes A LOT recently. you had terrible scores on all of the subjects, but especially spanish.

and it didnt help that your love life and everything else was a mess right now, how could you study in this situation?

but you really had to pass this time.

so what do you do? cheat of course.

problem is you werent sneaky enough and now your being called to your spanish teacher's office because he caught you cheating.

you nervously bit your lip and just stood at the door to his office, just standing there for a good while and you honestly were debating onto wither you should make a run for it or not however you decided you better meet up with him fast before you get into more trouble.

and so here you were, sitting on the soft cushions of the black couch in his office as you fidgeted with your fingers, scared to make eye contact with him because of the consequences of your actions.

and it definitely didnt help that he was silent the whole time, writing on a notebook calmly as he occasionally glanced over to the stack of papers on his desk that you assumed were test papers.

the very test that you cheated on.

perhaps he was writing reports on the test perhaps he was not but did he really need to do this right now? couldnt he have done it before or after he was done with you?

''ahem.'' rang a deep voice through out the room.

you snapped your eyes back from your lap, looking up at him startled.

'''now then, (name), would you care to explain as to why you decided to cheat on your spanish test, hm?'' he questioned with a raise of his eye brow and a nonchalant expression on his face.

you gulped.

''..uhm...i- i am sorry-! i wont do it again! i am sorry!'' you apologized desperately.

he shook his head, getting up from his seat and walking toward you. you almost backed away when he reached for your chin and lifted it up with two fingers.

''shh...'' he hushed you.

''thats not what i asked of you, now was it? i didnt want an apology. i wanted an explanation. i'll ask again...'' he paused as if to let you process his words in your dumb little head slowly.

''why did you cheat?'' he repeated.

you were silent. unsure of what to say or do. dumbly looking at him, frozen in place.

''answer me.'' he said a lot more firmly now.

and you knew if you didnt reply right now you would really regret it. so mustard up the courage to push out a few words out of your mouth, albeit coming out in stutters.

''Í had to- i am sorry- shit- i just really need to pass this time. i-i didnt- god- i shouldnt have! i really am...sorry.''

hearing your words, miguel o'hara smirked, letting go of your chin as he looked to you a smugly.

''ah, is that so? then you should've just told me so from the beginning, doll.''

his words confused you greatly. what did he mean by that? but you really didnt need any further explanation when he leaned down, placing beefy arms on both sides of your head as he leaned in to whisper in your ear in a low deep sensual voice.

''you could've just told me you were struggling...i would've helped you. all you had to do was ask, doll.'' he said as he brushed a hair strand behind your ear before cupping your face with his large hands.

''in fact i would give you extra credit and the best marks possible if only you did me a little favor...''

''...what?'' your heart was beating against your ribcage. you wanted to deny all this. no it wasnt happening right now. no this isnt true. is this going where you think it is?

but it was. it was very very real.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

''fuck-- yeah... your doing great.'' he praised. one hand placed on the crown of your head, running his hand through the silky hair and occasionally tugging and tightening his hold on your hair when you your tongue swiped against the veins on his cock or if you deep throated him suddenly without warning.

''k---keep going...'' he groaned as he couldnt help but throw his head back, gritting his teeth because of the pleasure you gave him.

you took him out of your mouth slowly, licking his long member along the way and swirling your tongue on it when you reached the tip, sucking it into your mouth afterwards as you closed your eyes.

''eyes on me, muñeca.'' he huffed, running a hand through his hair. ''keep your eyes on me when you suck my cock. look at me.''

''yes professor...'' you mumbled with his tip in your mouth, causing your words to come out muffled and sent vibrations through his dick. he let out an whimper at the feeling and quickly sinks his teeth into his plush lips to prevent it from happening again.

it felt so good inside your mouth. warm and tight. the feeling of your tongue on his cock, the feeling of being able do something so sinful with you, not to mention how pretty you look taking his dick.

it all drove him insane.

''f-fucking hell, cariño...stop teasing''

you blinked up at him at his words. watching the way his cheeks were slightly flushed and how his eyes were slightly glossy as he breathed heavily, gritting his teeth.

as much as you would like to deny it...the sight was turning you on.

you didnt give him a verbal response. instead you took him in your mouth in one go, deep throating him. he gasped audibly. his hands tightening on your hair.

you bobbed your head up and down, though tears treathened to spill from your eyes from taking him in so deep you knew better then to do this half-assedly. your grades depended on it!

his eyes become shut as he cums with a loud groan. spilling his seed into your mouth. and you finally take him out of your mouth, and just when your about to spit out his cum--

''shallow. all of it.'' he orders sternly. and you end up obeying, because what good would it do you to disobey him?

''good girl...so obedient.'' he chuckled, his breath still heavy as he recovered from his orgasm.

''but..i am gonna have to test just how obedient you can be, doll.'' he smirked wickedly before grabbing you by the arm, lifting you up and pulling you close to him.

''let me fuck that pretty pussy, doll. let my cock be inside you. i'll fuck you real good, i promise.'' he whispered sensually as he used his thumb wipe your chin before running it along your bottom lip.

''this- this wasnt what we agreed on professor...'' you mumbled, averting your eyes from him shyly.

he laughed.

''oh my sweet little princess....did you really think i would just let you go without fucking your tight little cunt? did you really think i was that nice?'' he cooed, a smug smile on his lips.

''undress. right fucking now.'' he commended. it was stern and serious, you could tell he wasnt joking around.

you hesitated. not knowing what to do. should you just make a run for it? and tell everyone what he tried to do? no that would mean they would know what you did. voices rang inside your head, making you freeze in place.

what should i do what should i do what should i do what should i--

''listen here, princess.'' he began. his voice snapping you from your train of thoughts.

''you either let me do whatever i want with you obediently or....i take you right here and now, forcefully, and you lose your mind while taking my cock''

you shivered at the threat. yet it wasnt because of fear, no.

it was a different feeling. a feeling you so desperately wanted to deny. yet the wetness coating your panties proved you wrong all the more.

''s-sir...'' you looked up at him almost pleadingly, unsure of the situation and as much as you wanted this you were gonna stick to your will. your not some submissive little lamp. theres no way your gonna give in to him this easily, right?

''you said...you'll help me if i just..sucked your cock..did you lie to me?''

he chuckled. A dark eerily chuckle that made you shudder.

''princess...me? lie to you? no sweetheat...i am no liar. your just stupid.'' he kissed your cheek in an loving manner yet the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes radiated no such loving warmth.

''your just so stupid its cute. it makes me want to just devour you. its cute how you struggle, its cute how trusting you are, its cute how naive you can be, its cute how you squirm when your scared, everything about you..top to bottom, everything is just so adorable.''

he kept going on and on as you struggled, squirming like an desperate little prey.

''but you promised-! you cant just- professor...you really wont do this to me, will you? why would you...lie to me professor? why me?''

he smiled at your words.

''heres the thing, cariño...you shouldnt trust men.''

he caressed your cheek, a smile still gracing his lips as he spoke.

''not men like me...not men like me who are so desperately in love with you. because god how could i let go of you once i got the chance to have you like this? i just cant, mi vida.''

he leaned in, pressing his lips onto yours, slowly opening his mouth to deep the kiss and encourage you to do so as well by caressing your cheek softly.

''let me fuck you.''

''i promise...i wont hurt you. i'll be gentle.'' he spoke against your lips, kissing them desperately like he craved for every single bit of your body, mind, and soul.

turns out...you were an submissive little lamp. because what else would you be if you so willingly gave into all of this fucked up stuff?

nothing but a stupid little submissive lamp.

---- ---- ---- ----

''ugh-- please--- mmfp-!'' you moaned as your hands dug into the softness of the coach.

''please what, baby? speak.'' he chuckled as he bounded into you hard, lifting your legs with his forearms and pinning them to your shoulder.

he had you in full nelson, continuously making you bounce up and down on his dick.

''f-fuck..your so tight...'' he groaned. ''are you a virgin or something? heh...''

you whimpered out a breathy ''y-yeah..o-oh''

''hm?'' he bounced you up and down on his length effortlessly as he breathed heavily against your ear.

''what did you say, cariño?'' he questioned, not because he was teasing, but actually because he didnt catch what you said.

''i s-said-- oh m-my god...'' you stuttered. your mouth hanging open from how good he was hitting you.

''you were so opposed to letting me fuck your cute little cunt minutes ago...look at you now. your just drooling for my cock, arent you baby?''

he smiled as he re-angled your hips. making him hit a certain spot inside you, you whimper in response.

''aw...so cute. your just fucked dumb on your professor's cock, arent you?''

he laughed before lifting you up higher then usual and holding you there for a little over 1 second and then slamming you back down making air get knocked out of your lungs.

''tell me you love my cock, cariño. that you want my cock to make you feel good. that you want me and only me to fuck you like this. you dont want anyone else to touch you like this, right?''

''n-no..'' you managed to let out. ''y-your the first person t-to fuck me like this professor...i-i love your cock professor..give me more-! i want more-! m-make me cum again please..!'' you babbled on.

''yeah? nobody fucked you as good as me, baby? thats a shame. but dont worry...you dont have to think about any of those guys that you fucked around with anymore...not when you have me baby.'' he pulled your head back to pull you into a messy kiss. slipping his tongue inside your mouth as he groaned at how tightly your cunt hugged his cock.

''n-no i- i never...mhmp-! did things like this before..'' you let out an in breathy voice, huffing and panting when he pulled back from the kiss.

''...what?'' he questioned. his hands on your thighs coming to a halt. ''you never did things like this before, cariño?''

''no..'' you confirmed.

''hey hey...but that would mean..'' his eyes widened at the realization and you simply gave him an hesitant nod.

''...did i just take your virginity, angel?'' you bit your lip in response as you squirmed in his lap, your head still turned behind to look at him.

''y-yeah..'' you mumbled.

he groaned at that. and you could feel his cock twitch inside you.

''your joking...no way..''

''i am no--'' you were cut off my your own moan as his grip on your thighs tightened again, as he thrusted in and out of you in an inhuman pace.

''w-wait-- slow down- nnhghh...''

he didnt listen. nor could he make sense of anything right now when his mind was going crazy by countless thoughts. he couldnt believe he was your first. and the thought made him completely lose it.

its not his fault though. you brought this upon yourself the moment you believed him when he said he'll be gentle with you.

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ALR I AM SORRY THIS TOOK LONG I GOT THIS ASK WHEN MY EXAMS WERE GOING ON

and i am sorry i kinda switched things up a bit but i still hope you like it <3

[theninth09]

people dont actually believe that theo killed his sister, do they?

like okay. the entire pack and probably theo himself think that hes responsible for her death, but the pack hates him and doesnt trust him for valid reasons and theo is traumatized and holds guilt over her death so hes probably convinced himself that he did kill her. i just dont believe thats true.

in s5b when hes with stiles in the tunnels (i forgot why they're down there but whatever) and stiles tells him "oh yeah, the guy that killed his own sister when he was nine?" and theo argues back "yeah. i was nine. i had no idea what was going on." and that he also still believed santa exists so obviously he believed the dread doctors when they told him she wanted him to have his heart.

first of all: this is s5b. hes long dropped his act and he has no reason to lie in this moment. he knows that stiles wont fall for his lies and hes stopped lying and transitioned into threatening and intimidating anyway. theres no good reason for theo to lie to stiles here: theres no actual benefit that would come from that.

and his behavior points towards him telling the truth. instead of deflecting or making a joke, or any of the stuff he usually does to get his way, he starts explaining and defending himself. he seems almost agitated that stiles claims that he did kill tara and argues why he didnt.

and ofc stiles doesnt believe him and tells him "i think you pushed her. i think you liked it." which is, sorry, utter bullshit. i understand why stiles says this (yk. theo killed his bffie and all that) but i think stiles is purposely turning everything that he knows about theo into something evil. he doesnt want to believe that theo was a victim of his circumstances, because that would make him human, that would explain why he became the person that he is. its easier to fall back onto the "hes just purely evil" argument, because then he can hate theo for what he did.

stiles is smart. thats his whole thing. thats his whole thing with theo, that he was "smart enough not to trust him" as theo says to the sheriff in s6a. stiles knows that theo was a child, that its likely that theo got manipulated and groomed by the dread doctors. but, i think, he decides not to care about that, to ignore that. he hates theo and he wants to hate theo, but if he starts looking at the reasons for why he did what he did, he'll begin to understand him. and while he'll still never forgive theo, that will reduce this fury he has for him because, newsflash, theo was a CHILD.

people argue that tw doesnt show us enough of his back story to back this up and yeah, i kinda agree. we dont get enough of his story because teen wolf ALWAYS does this. with every character. they insinuate something, they start something interesting that could give their characters depth and then they abandon it and its like the characters just forget about it. all this show has is small details for fans to focus on if you want to analyze anything, because this show is objectively not good enough to actually do that.

+ theo is a side character. he wasnt even meant to stay as long as he did and cody did his best to work with the material. if your argument is that theres missing context and only vaguely shown stuff, im sorry but thats so stupid. thats not a good argument for in canon. "oh but we never see theo do this or that" HES A SIDE CHARACTER. he wasnt even supposed to come back! and tw is not a very good show! obviously they added more depth to his character in s6 because cody came back. like yeah theres stuff that doesnt make sense (like the show saying he didnt have a heart condition), because his back story got added as an afterthought in s6. you cant only look at s5 and judge his character based on that. his depth comes from s6 and its not the characters fault that the show has bad writing.

and if you simply dont like theo, cool. i dont like a bunch of characters in tw. but i find this argument that hes actually evil and deserved getting tortured and whatever exhausting and annoying.

if you dont have empathy for his character in s6 bc you just hate him, fine. i dont care. but if you're talking about this in a more analytical way? fuck off. he was a child, the show points towards him getting groomed and abused by the dread doctors and guess what? even during his villain arc, hes still a child. yes he should take responsibility for what he did, im not excusing any of that stuff. but theres reasons for why he did all that.

and again, dumb tv logic reasons, but most of the villains getting away unscathed, fucking peter hale and deucalion being allowed to just kinda wander around while theo is in an eternal time loop of torture? like this technically erases the packs rule of not killing because i dont think its weird for me to argue that getting non-stop tortured without the ability to die is objectively worse than actually dying. and yeah, tv logic, but if you think that (in canon, not just bc you personally dont like theo) he deserved that, idk. weird. very weird.

[fcknstar]

,, the innocence is gone "

pairings : gf!ethanlandry x fem!reader ( vesper )

summary : what happens when history tends to repeat himself?

content warnings : violence, betrayal, obsession.

**lowercase intended**

" ghostface would be attractive if he didnt kill.. " you voiced out, in your own world when the whole group turned to face you in shock. 

" uhm.. i think thats a bit far fetch dont you think? " mindy cringed. 

how can the thought of someone with a mask pull your heartstrings, or even turn you on.

" i mean, in my opinion he could be pretty hot. " you shrugged. 

the group wasnt new on your interests in slashers, criminals. you figured that it was always the attractive ones who killed. they just found it weird considering you, mindy, the carpenter sisters and chad nearly got killed by one. 

" coping mechanisms. " quinn laughed the tension off, with the rest awkwardly nodding. 

★ 

ever since ethan joined the group, you have been nothing but attached. how did a good looking guy - a snack - be so lonely. you thought he had someone in his mind, the one you knew you couldnt occupy. but he did. you. but he soon swallowed the feeling down to focus on his mission. he knew he had to kill you, so why did your existence crumble him. making him question about his true intentions. 

" i had econ! " he defended himself as mindy analyzed ethan. 

you saw ethan leaving the apartment so you did trust him. 

" mindy, he did leave the apartment, remember? " you whispered, eyes closed as you listened to the rustling sounds around you. 

" see? " 

" vesper, you are next in my list- " 

" what? just because i defended him doesnt make me the killer. and you know for a fact i would never considering the fucking shit weve been through! " you couldnt believe your ears, your own best friend not trusting you. 

" mindy, i think you are over- analysing everything right now. " sam sighed. she trusted you, even if she knew she couldn't trust anyone. but youve been there for her and tara since day one. 

" fine, but ethan is still on the top of my list. " ethan bringing his hands up in defeat. giving him a lopsided smile, he returned a sad smile back.

everyone were starting to turn their backs on their own people, those that had to relive such traumatic moments. 

★ 

" hello? " 

" hey, ves! i was wondering if you could head down to the library? i need your help. " your friends voice begging for a yes to come out from you. instead a -

" no, im sorry. im with ethan right now, catching up on some shit i dont understand. ill try to come down as soon as possible though! " ethans eyes darting to your face. he loved the way you said his name. how sweet and soft youd say it, as if he was a fragile doll you had to take care off. 

" oh man, alright sure! just text me - update me yea! bye! " a sigh was heard from the other side. 

" bye love~ " you giggled. you were often flirtatious with your closest friends. ethan - not knowing the gender of the caller, narrowed his eyes. 

" so sorry about that- " 

" who was that? " ethan couldnt help but ask. he just had to know. if you couldnt be his, you shouldn't be anyones. 

" lana, she needed help with something. i dont know. " ethan nodded. 

★ 

ethan has yet to leave your side since the van. he needed to be with you as long as he could before he killed you, as him or as ghostface. so when gale brought you and the others down to the shrine, you realized ethans hand around your wrist. 

looking up at him, him smiled. 

" cant let you leave my sight knowing youd go crazy over this stuff. might lose you on the way. " you chuckled. 

looking over the items, you couldn't help but wonder how did someone collect items that was about six years ago - or even more. walking up on stage, you grazed every piece of black robe that could be filled with blood. this was a new feeling and you liked it. 

" remember how you said that ghostface was attractive, i get how someone might like him. " ethan blurted out. 

" haha very funny eth. " rolling your eyes, knowing that he's just trying to annoy you. 

" i mean look at amber freeman. she was hot. quite literally. "

you stopped at amber freemans robe, such events replaying. 

" welcome to act three. " you stumbled backwards watching as she aimed the gun at you.

" its sad that that pretty face will be gone to waste. " amber made a pouty face. you liked amber, maybe more than just a friend. of course you found her attractive, even with her reveal. but you couldnt.

it felt as if someone took your heart out, squeezed it and pushed it back in. you had to digest so many information and your dumb brain couldnt handle it. you didnt want it to happen again, knowing you couldnt take another heart break.

" ves? " ethan placed an arm on your shoulder. 

" sorry? " 

" you alright? " you nodded, afraid that your voice might crack. 

you coped up with everything by searching on slashers, even learning their tactics. it was interesting to say the least. you soon became obsessed with one you didnt even acknowledge. you should have known.

★

sam and tara pulled you behind them as ghostface removed his mask, revealing ethan. 

his gloomy face was replaced with a menacing smile. you tuned everything out, realizing that everything this happening again. fuck, you thought. ethan was a shy dorky guy, and now standing in front of you is a killer that you liked. oddly enough, you didn't feel betrayed or even hurt. he looked hot, with his hair sticking to his forehead and his breathing heavy. thoughts of blood on his face couldnt help but flood your mind. you just didnt want to die. not yet. 

you didn't even realize when ethans rounding the corner, near the glass display you and sam were standing at. 

you being the closest one, he pulled you, placing the knife against your neck. 

" fuck, eth- " your voice died down in your throat when you felt him press the knife further into your neck. 

" no- " sam and tara wanted to run towards you when quinn stopped them. 

" no, no you little fuckers, you aren't going anywhere. " before walking towards them, ethan walked with you, following quinns steps. your back against his front, you felt his heart thumping hard. probably due to adrenaline. you were going to die. tonight. in the hands of ethan. 

quinn lunged forwards before tara smacked quinn with a brick, knocking her out. 

that was when bailey aimed the gun towards the sisters. 

" you brought a brick to a gun fight.. quite sad isnt it. that you have to die this way. "

" sam- " out of instinct, you jolted forward, forgetting the knife against your neck. you had cut your neck slightly, as you pushed yourself further behind against ethan. 

" you sweet dumb thing. too stupid to not realize that you may cut yourself. " ethan pouted before pulling you away from the others. 

sam and tara saw ethan pushing you forward with the knife against your back. shit, they thought. 

before you could even ask him where he was bringing you, he stabbed you in the arm. 

" ive always wanted to stick something in you, ves! " he smiled victoriously.

" fuck you, eth! " you breathed.

" is that an offer? " shaking his head, he continued, "since i like you, ill spare you. " 

he has made up his mind.

a.n : have been vv obsessed lately, requests coming soon <3

[carpedzem]

hi

under the cut i want to talk a little bit, maybe overshare as well. ill try to keep it short (rereading nat here. i didnt). its a sad post, might make some of you angry but not for the reasons you think

i was staying away on purpose, but a few people asked about me so i wanted to let you know that hey, im lurking, im waiting to see what happens. maybe some things will change in the future but im putting it out here so its all in one place

i think i want to start with saying thank you again for sticking around, supporting my art and my thoughts and having discussions with me. i really opened up about myself and what I created here. im very anxious person and it influences my life on every level, so being heard, seeing people laughing at my jokes, loving my art has been so so important to me

about the situation, the gogcident if you will, i logged out as soon as i saw things going down and been getting updates though different source. and while situation is still on going and i dont know where it will go, as how it ends, theres two or three things im firm on that will always be true for me:

i really hate how believe all victims turns into believe everyone who speaks first, no matter what they say, no matter context, no matter proof. the first statement made in this case was untrue in a lot of important details and while i dont think caitis feeling are wrong or invalid i think her first statement made this situation into something it isnt. i think every victim should be heard but attacking everyone who was accused right away is not a solution

i do believe that everyone who was accused of anything has every right to defend themselves. the way its constantly taken away from dteam is not lost on me and its insane and upsetting

you can be traumatized by the events that werent in its core meant to be traumatizing. sometimes people act shitty and leave scars on you and sometimes you can do the same to other people

edited note bc i want this to be here as well: guilty until proven innocent is a crazy mindset and i cannot imagine situation that i would allow it. some idiots dont even realise how dangerous rhetoric that is. including accusers not being obligated to provide any proof of their claims

twt is the worst thing to deal with any discourse, misunderstanding or any delicate situation. i think no ones there cares for any victims period. i wish that place the worst

okay so what now. i havent decided yet. georges and dreams moves so far confirmed for me that no matter what happened it wasnt with malicious intentions. ill wait to see how this plays out and then ill decide about my next steps. one think i did for sure is i uninstalled twt from my phone (and that already bit my ass the moment dream started his space…) that part of fandom, both people who like (liked?) and hate dream is so damn self-destructive, toxic, manipulative and performative it wasnt worth it anymore. for here, i dont know yet. i dont hate dteam, i think this is very unfortunate and sad and complicated situation that left people very deeply hurt. and i wish it wasnt this way and im pretty sure dteam also wish that. but they cant change it and i cant change it even more

now this is something i dont really know how to tell you but let me try. i never mentioned this bc when i had those realizations, it was too late, everyone moved on and i felt stupid for dwelling on this. i feel stupid now, typing this. the thing is, drituation left me quite traumatized. fucking pathetic, i know. the sudden explosion of fandom left me really badly hurt. i lost a lot of people i genuinely believed to be friends with, and i miss them dearly. i felt, fuck it, still feel deeply betrayed by some of them. i dont want people guess who is who thats not the point, those people moved on long time ago. but that hurt has been really difficult to deal with, especially since realistically i know its quite stupid. crying over some people who were following me back for a few months? but i tried to let myself heal and grow love for this community again and i thought we will be okay. drituation felt like the end of the world but we got through it and I thought we are smarter. and well. im not trying to blame anyone or even a whole community, idk maybe i want to blame the universe for putting me here or society for working this way i dont know. but im hurting and i need to find a better way to deal with things going the wrong way. and it deeply upsets me but im afraid that i have to learn how to love you all less. and i honestly dont know yet what that means, how moving forward will look like. i dont have to make this decision now so i let myself stay away from social media for a while still and then go with presented situation the best i can. i dont try to make anyone responsible for my wellbeing i want to make this clear. im just trying to share my feelings and give you context for whatever happen in the nearest future. no matter what i need more healthy relationship not even with ccs but with community itself (and if you see me rebloging hazbin hotel fanarts. spare me...)

in this place i do want to state that no matter what i dont think dteam are bad people. im not closing myself at possibility of participating in the fandom, probably less though things i mentioned earlier. but if any of those things make you uncomfortable in any way, feel free to unfollow/softblock

im leaving my askbox open if anyone has anything to say, add, or idk, scream at me. not sure if i answer any tho. also if i delete this post in the next 10 minutes out of embarrassment then well, haha

on the final note i want once again thank you all for supporting me when i needed help for my cat. you all did something amazing, something i will never forget and i wish to hug everyone of you in person. thank you

see you around. one day. maybe tomorrow maybe in 10 days. idk

and if you are moving on in different direction, if we ever meet again, dont be a stranger

[trashbins-stuff]

Hello. I have seen that you have been tagged by @neobixiscool on one of their posts. I am planning to make a rant post on them. If you can provide some background info and your side of the story, that would be great. If you feel uncomfortable discussing this, that's ok. Have a good day/evening.

rub hands together like flies. my time has come/silly 😋😋

and thank you for coming to me :3 i appreciate it/gen also i get to go all cabby on this hehe

oh and, im not really hurt-hurted by them, i feel like mocha (mochablogger), liam (moonmxple) and mac (blairdrawzstuff) are most affected. They did have a book with my character in it but in a different universe or something (without my consent nor credit btw). Anyway under the cut is my observant. Honestly i think i might have jsut make the rant post for you lmao hrgbnhe 😭😭

the background/before:

mocha was working on a little story and xe said we could be in it! so obviously me and my friends signed up for the fun, not really expecting anything, the story was called "The Traumatized Cup", thats when we first meet him.

In one of the chapter mocha had introduced rubix, at first i didnt really think much about him, i was just aware of his presence, i do notice him and mocha started to become friends and i thought that was great :)

something that you should probably contact cuppy for more info:

so rubix (or according to rubix, "jasp" was roleplaying) and mocha were friends on facebook, and they roleplayed there i think, this i just know but apparently he said crap about liam (mocha's platonic partner and my best friend). Mocha is very sensitive and even in roleplay xe's still uncomfortable with what rubix said

"bezel's" divorce headcanon (and possible influence on further problems):

i heard people talked about it but never knew where it came from, but thne i found out and,,

tdlr; 1st one is about mocha and rubix, i dont know if mocha consent to it. 2nd one is uh a bit weird i i guess like he could have ask facemoji to make another one ;-;. 3rd ah yes the divorce that i had heard about!/vneg

rubix said bezel forced him into making the 1st one, even if thats true, rubix said the divorce was bezel's headcanon but hes the one that decided to post the 3rd one ("okay i asked facemoji again..")

seem kinda sus not gonna lie..but what do i nose right :-)

bezel probably influence more but even after all these months im still not sure if he really did do those things, idk lul, it is pretty weird that bezel's blog was a sideblog though (liam told me)

heres a bunch of words with link attach, those r my opinions lmao:

these u can just click to read so i hope thats okay

on wattpad he have a book in which he painted mocha, hazel and blair as manipulative (admittedly his writing was good, he could have used it for something different though)

he also uses some of our characters (such as mocha cuppy, hazel, blair, harp, blueberry, winter, bin (mine btw), seedling, galaxy journal,...etc) he did the delete that book tho, anyway heres more screenshot proof (credit @moonmxple )

mocha asked liam and neobix said its cringe

i remember this one also

the one where he tried to ban pet name and online dating (in 2023) (check the comment and other reblogs also theres alot, its practically a goldmine/silly)

and can i say he barely knows our friend group? like sure he knows mocha but hes trying to fit into our group (very poorly)

please read what cass wrote in the comment (thanks cass for speaking out about it ily)

the ask i sent him

NOT to get all bitchy here but mocha blocked you therefore you literally dont appear anywhere on xer dash, you're out of xer life and xe had no reason to pester you, not everything has to be about mocha. You guy's relationship (or supposedly lack there of) had change but honestly? thats okay they dont have to like the same people that they liked yesterday. You might think you know that's them but it wasnt, mocha in real life is kinder and better than the version inside of your head and they're happier now and its so sad that you cant see (because you're blocked)

and again, not everything has to be about YOU

he also made it all about HIM like excuse me ???? can i not complain for little bit without you coming in and nag about your problem ??? if you're suffering go talk to someone dont talk to online strangers ??? :)))???????

bro cant even read a long paragraph post like go back to elementary school lmao, also reporting ppl just because they use their right to not forgive you is such a sore loser move, it make you sound like petty six year old (also max be spitting facts tho)

bro brought out HIS right (reporting mocha, which he actually cant do if he doesnt have a valid reason) while ignore MOCHA's right (not forgiving him, which isnt a valid reason for him to report xem). The definition of petty is literally complain way too much about unimportant things that could have and should have ended already

"you dont have to relate to everything you see on the internet, somethings are simply not about you" :)

did you know that to report someone you have to click alot of buttons??

common salad W &lt;3333

oh yeah, this doesnt have links but jasp/neobix is being so casual abt bezel's death but also uses it as a way to make people feel bad for getting upset with what he did

Sorry for playing the dickhead role, but you wouldn't be laughing if you knew how we felt about every single one of you. (why it sound serious all the sudden lol)

why i still doubt (uh and heads up, galaxy brush, kodu, cuppy,..others who think @/rubixisanidi0t was saying the truth, im not saying he isnt but you cant blame me for not trusting can you? please skip this part if you're sensitive):

naw so if this was suppose to be jasp then whats jasp motive lmao :/..he dont gain anything from this + who tell people their secret plan publicly?? + how did jasp know about rubixs hallucination?? rubix please dont tell such personal things to jsut your friends and please just talk to an adult in real life. And jasp, dont let these kind of things on the internet its not safe/srs

this is just straight up weird and also why did neobix/jasp said "old friend" like hes rubix?? when he supposedly told rubix and i quote "yeah.. Soo.... This person named @/mochablogger seemed like some cool person, and when I tried to talk with them... Nothing happened, so when I figured they didn't care... It all happened at once." neobix/jasp and mocha werent even friend to begin with why was he SO obssess over getting mochas forgiveness when they supposedly barely interact much??

aint it a bit weird how this is supposedly jasp/neobix but why would they make this video??? it???doesnt make any sense?? and like were rubix and jasp still good friend??? why wood bezel make jasp of all people do it??? unless yk

HOL UP, WAIT A MINUTE..if rose jelly dated rubix but rubix tunred out to be jasp then..WHO IS ROSE JELLY ACTUALLY DATING??????

if @/neobixiscool is suppose to be jasp then how did he get a screenshot for a show rubix was making???

i translated it and head up. it has death threat in it

you know, if someone stole my account and ruin my reputation i wouldnt be following them and be mutuals with them :)

i appreciate him saying hell save us but like..why would @/neobixiscool linked the real rubix's yt and discord knowing full well that the real rubix was there and could told joiners the truth??? that seem kinda dumb ngl also on the channel you can find a video called "waitng for forgiveness" which @/neobixiscool had talked about. and lets do a bit of timing here, if rubix really was telling the truth and havent been on social media since his alst post on @/rubixcuix (last posted in august) and the divorce arc and the roleplay thing and EVERYTHING had started in september, and if the yt belonged to rubix, then he shouldnt have known that mocha didnt forgive him and make that video????? bc he wasnt suppose to be there since august??? bc if anything he shouldnt be waiting for forgiveness bc if jasp really did steal his tumblr account then its not his fault?? like i find it absoltuely HILARIOUS that the evidence agaisnt what rubix said was on both the account @/neobixiscool AND @/rubixisanidi0t's PINNED post?? and it boggles my mind how no one talks abt this???/lh/nm i mean its quite obvious maybe im jsut really observant though idk

if you got your account stolen and jasp supposedly brought back a wattpad book, i dont think you should be continuing it?? and didnt you said your reported him on wattpad?? on the same account where the book is?? why are you acting like "yes i did promise them this and im fully aware of what happen even though i supposedly havent been here since august and i will continue this book" has it hit you?

uh yeah so these are just my silly little takes, but hey! what do i nose? :-)

[six-paths-of-jeanmarco]

just read on your meta on jean reiner marco. im sorry but u made it sound like jean has no personality or own morals if it wasnt for marco. marcos death wasnt the only thing that spur him into being good tho. he literally said he doesnt want to lose comrades after trost that includes marco and all the other comrades they lost because he didnt expect himself to care that much about them. i will argue that losing sasha has more of an impact to jean because simply, they know and work with each other longer. jean also acted on his own to lead the charge at trost without marco asking him to because jean already has leadership qualities on his own. marco didnt even respond favorably initially but funnily reiner did. marco was just one part of jeans character development. jean has so many other important moments that led him to become who he is later on. he also sees himself as a killer equivalent to the warriors because one death to jean is too many. plus dont forget he is complicit in bertolt being eaten by titan armin as well. i dont think he doesnt have the capability to not forgive reiner because if he doesn't, that will make him a big hypocrite.

Did you, though? Or were you just looking to confirm what a *certain* someone that has made downplaying Marco and what he meant to Jean an integral part of their *ship* had to say about it?

Even if that's not the case, I never said Marco is the reason Jean became good, what I actually said is that he was the first person that made Jean aware of the skills and qualities he already had at a critical moment in Jean's character arc. And bc of that, we could see the long lasting effects it had over his development. I never said that was the only important moment in his development, I was simply focusing on his relationship with Marco bc, yknow, they're my favorite characters? I even linked another Jean meta that analizes how he always has it in him to make the right, selfless decissions despite his major flaws.

You're not wrong in saying that one death to Jean is too many (that's why I said he'd be ooc if the deaths of his former comrades didn't burden him) but you're only focusing on the character's in-story intent while I was focusing on the author's intent. I'm not going to explain again why comparing Jean (& Connie) to the warriors is a false equivalence and Isayama's own writing doesn't support it; the author's intent is to force this idea to make a "war is bad" (not wrong) "both sides are equally bad" (extremely wrong) argument. This post explains why this is an erroneous idea. Not to mention that this is a fascist talking point that only helps the aggressors by sugarcoating broken, lazy morals with pacifism.

Also, I know that most fans like to pretend that the series started with the Marley arc, but that's not the case. There is a major context that separates Reiner's actions from Jean's actions. What Jean did during the clash with the yeagerists was necessitated by the alliance's haste to save whatever was left of the world. What Reiner did during the pre timeskip siege of the walls was motivated by hatred and genocide. Plain and simple. The difference is that Jean didn't have to commit unspeakable attrocities to realize his morals were broken. No, his morals were influenced by loss. Marco became an integral part of his moral compass bc once he lost him --to a fricking titan and without knowing what were his last moments, mind you, Levi too was traumatized after he's lost someone dear to him to a titan for the first time-- he better understood loss and just how much he wants to protect the lives of others. He chose to join the Scouts bc he understood what was the true meaning of all of that "dedicate your heart" fancy talking: preventing another senseless death, more excruciating pain, and giving hope where there is only despair.

There's also a big context when it comes to what happened before Bert's death, isn't there? You're oversimplifying two completely different situations to make a false equivalence. Personally, I hate oversimplifying things. Jean wouldn't be a hypocrite for being unable to forgive Reiner, he'd be more than justified. And who said Reiner should get over what happened to Bert? Ah right, I forgot that in the lore of a *certain* ship Reibert also gets downplayed.

I'm also having a very hard time understanding how does highlighting Jean's relationship with Marco translates as me saying that Jean didn't have any other meaningful relationships with other characters?

JSC is literally my favorite trio, and I hate the fact that the story didn't give us more insight on how much Sasha's death affected Jean and Connie. We see how much it ravaged the two of them after it happened (Connie's "soulmate" line still gets me) and after they saw her in the smoke, but we don't see any moment similar to Jean's monologue after Pieck got him out of Shiganshina (which was an obvious reference to the pyre scene), or when he saw Marco after Hange tried to convince him to join the alliance (and don't ignore the symbolism of only seeing Marco out of all the comrades he's lost along the way, which also includes Sasha). Her death must've been a major reason as to why Jean and Connie joined the alliance, but the story doesn't even imply it bc Isayama focused more on how much her death affected Eren and other characters instead (when he could and should've done both).

Don't get me wrong tho, I'm not trying to invalidate your opinion, I just don't really see the point in turning whose death had more of an impact on Jean into a competition. And I disagree with saying that more time spent with someone makes them more important (same with the idea that more screen time = a better character). Both Marco and Sasha were Jean's cherished friends, and I'd argue that losing them both affected him in different ways. The story, however, emphasizes more on how losing Marco affected him. Which is why I said Marco is Jean's most significant person and loss, bc Isayama wants us to remember that just as much as he wants us to remember his complicated friendship with Eren, as an example of another of his important relationships.

[gilligans-islands]

i think its interesting that throughout all of ep 6 we can see stede and ed like sharing a connection but they are taking it slow. they are just having small moments together where they are together and enjoying each others company.

then of course Ned Low shows up and ruins everything by capturing and torturing the crew and he says many things to rile up both stede and ed who still havent like fully reformed their relationship and trust for eachother and it probably alights all their insecurities about their relationship plus they had to watch each other get tortured and almost die and after he chooses to kill ned stede is obviously shaken up both from killing a man and all of the shit he just went through and hes vulnerable and scared and lightly traumatized probably and ed goes to check on him and stede is just is a horrible headspace and he falls back on his old ways and acts on a whim by grabbing ed and pushing him up against the wall

and ed didnt have any better of a night than stede did, getting tortured and watching your lover get tortured fucking sucks and hes just as in a horrible headspace as stede and so he also acts on a whim and lets stede escalate and they kiss and then they have sex

and everything seems great between them the next morning but suddenly ed is throwing away his leathers—okay pretty sudden but maybe he was already planning to—and then ed is sharing how stede was kinda the one who saved his life when he almost died—okay kinda intense conversation over breakfast but maybe he was already planning on telling him and decided it was a good opportunity—and then later stede shares how he wrote ed letters expressing his love and threw them into the sea—and okay maybe they just felt like really sharing this morning—and then later at jackies ed is telling jackie about how it might not be a phase that he just wants to be a regular guy—and wow okay thats cool maybe hes just been thinking about it for a while—and then stede lights a man on fire who wants to kill him—and woah stede um kinda harsh you didnt even hear the man out—and then stede and ed meet up and stede got his ear pierced—thats cool unplanned but cool—and then ed tells stede that he took a job as a fisherman and is leaving—

and then suddenly you realize theyve fallen back into their old patterns of acting on whims again

suddenly they aren't taking things slow, suddenly they are sharing intimate things with each other with 0 apprehension

they are right back where they were in season 1 right down to ed wanting to get away from pirating like his life depends on it and stede wanting nothing more but to be a pirate and live out his fantasy

and this time they fight and ed outright says that things are going too fast and part of it is that he just wants to leave and he is scared but he feels like this because yeah

they are taking it too fast

they suddenly—on a whim—decided to deepen their relationship way faster than they should have entirely on accident just by—on a whim—deciding to have sex when they were both in a vulnerable state and needed comfort

i really dont think it was an accident that episode 4 decided to spell out for us that Ed and Stede are whim prone people. it wasnt just an explanation for why last season ended the way it did with them splitting up. it was an omen for what was eventually going to happen with them in these episodes. the inevitability that they were eventually going to succumb to their true natures if not given the proper space and time to work out the shit between them, if insecurities and expectations got piled onto them again.

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

Hey i've been absent for some days so I'm sorry If i'm late or if someone has said the exact same before, but Emma's engagement post is highly sus for me. I know Emma stans would argue that I am "obsessed" but to me her post is 100% boosted and made with the purpose to reach Evan. wdym you were quiet all this time but once Evan makes his rs public all of a sudden you have the urge to post your bf who people barely know even existed. call me delulu but no one can convince me she wasnt communicating to Evan through that post. Being the narcissist that she is she probably spiralled when she saw how his victim finally regained his power and is now happy and content with his new gf whom he is in love with, and that he doesn't have to live in her shadow anymore. she thought she had the control to destroy and traumatize him for the rest of his life, but the new Evan content proved the opposite and I'm pretty sure it injured her ego. In her sick mind she needed to win this (what she prob deems as) competition and prove that If he's happy - she is happier, If others are happy for Evan - More people are happier for her, Evan has all this attention - She will have the whole Instagram FY page! and this is what people dont get with these psychopaths. Even after many years of seperation they cant let go of something that used to be 'theirs'. It's not even a matter of 'She wants him back/She still loves him' it's pure control. She would rather break her own leg than letting him find happiness. And let me say one thing, regardless of how Evan's new rs will blossom or for how long it will last, I'm so glad Evan is at the place he is right now and prioritizes his own happiness over work and anything else. And anyone who judges him for that is not a real fan imo. Would you rather have an overworked, depressed, socially anxious actor who has nothing but work in his life, or would you have an actor with a fulilled life? He'll do what's right for him and if that's taking a break, living life and then coming back healthier, stronger and with new inspiration to bless the world with his talent, then that should be his path and fans should support him through that. He deserves healing and he deserves a loving partner who's there to support him through his life journey.

that last part is so important, thank you anon 💗 regardless of whether others believe emma is this calculated, or her social media postings have anything to do with evan.. because, yes, we don't know her intimately or what she is thinking/feeling. but the truth is that all you said is absolutely true of people like emma. it's not some unreasonable thing to speculate she has her reasons, given the fact that she has a mile long list of offenses that indicate she is a mentally unstable and evil person. we don't need to sugarcoat it just because some equally disturbed stans worship her and don't want to admit that people are capable of this level of casually psychopathic behavior.

[bonesandthebees]

HI! this is an anlysis ask but i saw spruces ask and was like oh no did i do something, and wanted to say that in my last ask i wasnt trying to be negative or anything about niki, i just was talking abt what we were discussing in stars discussion in the discord. didnt mean to try and pressure you in any way, im not upset abt niki or anything! :) now onwards!

so proud abt stars, its amazing, loved the new chapter, super excited for epilouge aswell!

"i need to talk to my boys" AHHAHAJHDBHGDUYBEDGJSJSHLDKJ my childhood traumatized, found family loving, i wish that was me self is SCREAMING >:3

"never trust a traitor" love that quote sm, i cant explain or really describe why but there is something about it that i was just like, oh damn that slaps

glass divine: ive never read someone elses dream, and im not 100% sure i plan to, but i WILL be reading through a glass divine! so hyped >:D

tubbo's betrayal: i want to say i saw it coming so clearly, and honestly, the little voice in my head did, but part of me was also like, nooooo tubbo, he will get hurt, save tub boi, so i was 100% in denial lmao

so glad they got to hug it out man so happy 10000000/10

overall, it was amazing. (are we rly surprised, its always amazing since it is Bee) so so proud, so grateful, and i gotta say, this is the best fic ive ever read. i loved it. i will be buying copies for all of my friends, and if you ever do a book signing, i will be there (if i can convince someone to take me) ill be there in spirit no matter what. you are my favorite author. much love to you, and i hope you know how amazing you are, and that you understand how hard to do this is, dont be afraid to take a break after stars is 100% over, because this is a huge project thats taken you super long, and its done, dont be upset about that, and if you need anything at all, we are here! sorry for being sappy fren but im so proud! <3

-👑

omg no king anon you're fine, there was someone in my comments on ao3 who posted some critique that I made a post complaining about so that's what spruce was referring to. you're totally fine I promise!!

I knew the "I need to talk to my boys" line would get people screaming (and tbh I was so excited to write that too)

THANK YOU I was so proud of the "never trust a traitor" bit

literally no pressure to read someone else's dream you don't need to and tbh I do not like someone else's dream that much bc of how I rushed it so... also glass divine is gonna deviate from it so you literally have no need to read it. so glad you're excited for glass divine!!

awww thank you so much king anon. if I ever do actually get to publish stars as an original novel that'd be a dream come true, but we'll have to wait and see if it's something I'm able to do. I'm so happy you enjoy my stories though. and don't worry about me! I'm not taking a break because I actually need a writing project going on at all times or else I have no creative outlet and I get very stressed. I love writing so much and while I know I COULD took a break, I genuinely don't want to. I always make sure I have something planned I can be working on or else I just feel way too restless. I'm just so happy I have readers who I know will read and support whatever silly story my brain decides to come up with next :)

thank you for the kind words you guys are seriously the sweetest <3

[jonnyardor]

Distorted

You could have enough money to show off and not worry about rent

Whether you own mansions or sleep in a tent

Problems dont dissolve into thin air because of salaries

Be it mental health, self-esteem or feuds with family

For me, your ugly reality was more appealing

I thought we'd stick together, you wound up disappearing

Your verdict of me pronounced without a hearing

You lost the sparkle in your eyes, I hope youre healing

Overworked, underpaid, insincere, immature

Emotionally, not dealing with your inner world appropriately

Unfortunately, looking in the wrong places romantically

God denied his victory until he aims for purity

In humility and courage, not for a false sense of security

This world feasts on heathens and spits out their bones so easily

Everything we think we own, will rot and wither equally

Love is all we have to give and get to live here peacefully

--

[Chorus]

Distorted-Like walking in a house of mirrors

Distorted-Falling prey to the perception

Distorted-illusions are reflected on the glass

And projected from an insecure mindset in our heads

Dont puff up your chest

Big lies made you notorious

You want money and fame,

This means more to us

We want the truth, no comfortable simulation

There's nothing inherently wrong with us

You live a lie, afraid to face your situation

Like Pinocchio smoking that Morpheus

Jesus is my savior, he turned me into a warrior

Jonny Ardor has a mission , holy man makes holy art

I dont need a man's permission, movin on my own accord

I dont keep insane traditions, dancing to my beat and rhythms

Brothers that refuse to listen, speaking to be heard and seen

All the time, a web of lies, hoping they wont realize

For real, guys? More company?

Gaining the whole world, I see

People pleaser, anxious yet charming

Not self-aware, but self-conscious and wanting

Everyone to like you when you dont like yourself

Avoiding those who love the real you and know that you avoid yourself

She was your sister when you were a real guy

Chastised and traumatized by the same parents

Laughing and crying together, facing every weather

She pulled you out of your depression when you had no ends

She was a student that managed to pay off your debt

But you were mean when you worked and she had no means

She never blamed you for her score and delayed degree

She was hurt cuz strangers knew early about her pregnancy

She was hurt because you didnt respond with warmth and glee

She was hurt because you were gossipping where she had to sleep

She needed you emotionally but you werent to be seen

Too busy for her, but my sister gets you talking on the phone

Gets you to come to the house where you happen to encounter us

Gets you to go to concerts, I heard you drove down hours

You were my lady's best man, that year you were the worst man

Saying we wont make it as a couple,

Disregarding that were shunned while we struggle

You were the black sheep too, narcisstistic mom and dad

but you're used to altering the story of your past

Now you start to confuse what is true

Fabricated history, my wife has proof

Always believed in who you are and were supposed to be

You took for granted the pure heart of your little sis

Said what you knew she liked to hear but did the opposite

You switched up on her for your in-laws who despise their brother

Us three had deep talk, they are strangers, you dont know each other

How long will you keep the lies to impress each other?

It's funny how you never argue, you lie to each other

Because they forsake their children who dont fit their picture

Once it was only us, now you chill with omnibus

Kept your bad habits, sacrificed our relationship

Lost my train of thought, mind going places like a spaceship

Remember when you used to chill with us and babysit

That one time in Hamburg, when my spouse and I saw Burna spit

While you agreed on Halloween to hold our boy and wipe his shit

Our girlfriends said that he was fussy, cried and screamed and threw a fit

We never had support like this, our baby wasnt used to it

To mom and dad not being around, our friends dressed up and held it down

He was asleep when we returned,

Respect for everyone was earned,

We talked and laughed, watching you flirt

With a girl in the kitchen, twirling her hair

The party went on, drinks did burn

Our throats, and cheeks, how did I yearn

For this time to get loose, while my son was tucked in

8 months, baby, I was burnt out and locked in

Good to have you there, to be more than a parent

Every now and then, because my life's a McLaren

Losing track of time, not control of my faculties

We have had many good times for the memories

At least you admit your mistakes, but we need an explanation

If we're not among your top priorities

There's no need for continuation

If its make-believe we grow apart, I gotta let you go

I just want apologies with accountability,

I expect loyalty and honesty,

I just wanna hug my bro and let it go

Accepting the time spent apart, Forgiveness is the start

Believing in each other again as sister and brother

Choosing to call each other after the civil war

Damned if our egos got in the way of love

Embracing our flaws, without resting in them

Your rich stepdad is still a major jerk

Love cant be bought, billionaires get divorced

If they left you for money, they werent meant for you

Your sister's happily married, showing you how it could be

She hates to argue with her man, they're tired of struggling too

Unlike your mama, who got trips and beaten black and blue

A warm embrace can heal your pain once you accept yourself

A girl can change your life, not trophies, dusty on a shelf

I stayed up at night to write these words

To express my pain and cleanse me off my hurt

A lot of things did sting and irk me

Cant we be again like JD and Turk?

Love is worth the wait and work

Just make sure that it's mutual

Cuz when they care much less about you

You will keep chasing those who keep running from you

[melasecarg]

eggshell.

my letter to khalil.

i havent spoken to you in months. my choice. i didn't trust you. you reminded me too much of a pain that healed a bit too deep. you wasnt the one that hurt me. you were wonderful. fun even. but i was wearing black shades, and i couldnt even see my own hand. but i remembered your laugh. i laugh like you now. i was scared of how easy it felt to fuck you, but how hard it was to say how my day was.

i left you on read in august.

today is december 14th.

you texted me tonight.

you called.

you're with to someone else.

but you thought of me, and told me all the things you liked about me and how sad he was when i didn't see you for you. you noticed even the little things. but i saw you for my past. it was a blurb. and it's haunting me tonight. bc its true. i get in my own way. we couldve been happy together. it wouldve been cool. but it got treacherous to live outside of my delicate eggshell. one step and the shell will shake, and i dont want that, do i? a fragile shell is better than no shell and all exposure.

i was so innocent. he took advantage of me. not you, wonderful boy. the one who locked me in the eggshell, and took my place in the sunlight. ive been trying to come out of it, but he stalks me like a wolf, making sure his prey never leaves. that part is true. ask my friends. ive been stalked bc i loved him. ive been spied on. ive been lied to and on. hes made the campus i live on vietnam. i cant escape him. no matter how hard i try. and im sorry. mostly sorry to myself, but im sorry i hurt you, too. even if it wasnt that deep because you told me you found somebody new that you like, maybe want to be with. i wish i was you. i wish i could leave my egg shell.

if there was a worldwide telegram i could send to you and all the masses, it would say this:

"i want you all to know how im trying. he was my everything. he was a reflection of my freedom. me smashing my toes in the mud. i was 18. swaying through tall waves of grass and light. the love that felt like the one picture of two souls colliding. it was a diaster. i left him at 20. i only knew him for two years for a lifetime of forgetting and moving on.

im still picking up the pieces. every inch of this city i lay my head on for 6 more months has pieces of his curls everywhere. every inch of me reminds me of us. even though all my bodyhas changed. ive changed. ive had some falls. my scars have healed. ive gotten so much healither. but i still get tired and exhausted. life has turned and the world has too. he took my friends. my friends love him more than me. hes all they talked about. so i cut them off. a lot for them actually. im almost alone now. i realized the people that i thought were there for me never were. so i couldnt trust khalil. because it has been brought to my attention that i cant trust myself. so pls know i am trying. it might be a while. but i wont stop fighting to leave this eggshell. im going to keep trying. he suffocates my mouth and neck like soot blowing in a pipe. i keep telling myself itll be okay. but i said that when we broke up. he stalked me, and the soot tracked on my shoe. so i stopped going there. i cried myself to sleep, "itll all be over once he graduates." he got his friends to do his bidding. as i try not to recoil to the unblock button, the world i see before me is crumbling. choking. boiling. burning. it creates more than a scab. i want to text him. but i dont love him. i want to text him to leave me alone. i want him to know that i see him. and iknow he cant be the only one who feels that tension between us when we swiftly walk past. i know im not the only one, if i was, it would just be my tears and healing beside me, and not another memory of him traumatizing me. i would tell him that i saw what he commented. i would tell him i know what he did. i woudl tell him to give me bakc my tote bag because i know he has it. i would tell him to take down my art, because my – your friend told me its still there. i would tell him i know you miss me, because they showed me a picture and you traced over my strokes. i know you miss me, because had your friends try to corner me.

and its not a good thing. i would tell them if he misses me that much, he needs to heal. i would tell him to leave me alone. i would tell him to stop stealing my joy. God and i are begging you to leave me alone. im begging God to tell me that im not crazy. i want to be free. i want to love. i want to stop blaming myself for your war and its aftermath. of course i still care about him. but i want to care about myself more.

the thought of texting him brings so many ideas to my mind. all of them are subjectively terrorist-like to myself and all ive went through. what if texts back? what if he shared it? what if that conversation is not ours, but ours and his pack of wolves? what if they eat me? what if they get me? what if this was their plan? all of the attacks were stragetic to get me back to him? even if it was to curse his existence to his face: its what he wanted. because at the end of the day, he hurt me because he was hurt too.

but what if he changed? what if hes just confused? could we sit in his car, a coffee shop alone. two chairs, two seats, however you put it. sitting. talking. could humanity be like that

as i wrote this letter to u khalil, i remember that you chose to be human for a second, and take a chance. not for the sake of gaining a romantic connection, but just to see what happened. if i was okay. was it something he did. how bad was it> because khalil, you want to love again. and you know, you tok your shot. it was peaceful. we laghed. we talked about our summer together. and i wonder what that looks like for me. but i started to talk about him. thats how you know it was not you. and while it is me, it is someone elses knife inside me, the pinned you when you embraced me. and im sorry. i hope you love her. i hope you hold her tight. thank you.

take care,

from,

melas.

[mp100fanworkstranslation]

You are bad

By Kurokawa You are bad is the name of the book. It contains 2 Seri Rei stories. This is one of them. 

-2- Reigen thinking: Serizawa didn’t come in today. -3- I thought it was going to be okay, but I guess it’s not enough. 

-4- Sigh, the umbrella that gave him comfort was broken. The mentor that he so depended on is nowhere to be found, and the organization has disbanded. On top of it all, he’s still living at home.

-1- Ekubo: Are you sure that’s okay? I’ve seen upclose what he’s able to do. He’s powers are impressive but the extent to which he depends on that umbrella is such that he loses control the second he loses it.  -2- ........... -3- I’m going to go meet him -4- Oh my! -5- Words on Reigen’s face: Professional Smile Reigen: Pardon me, is your son home?

-1- Reigen: I apologize for the unannounced visit. My name is Reigen Arataka. I am Serizawa’s manager. -Ah yes, this is my real hair color. I am half japanese- We determine that today would be his official start as a staff member, however, he did not report to work today. Due to our understanding of his previous work situation, we were worried about him.  -2- Reigen: I surmise that the way his previous employment situation concluded was likely traumatizing.  Seri’s mom: oh my -3- Seri’s mom: It’s true. That Katsuya, he came home and shut himself in his room again.  Please come in Reigen thinks: Just as I thought

Reigen: I thought his would be a significant improvement over his last work situation. But it’s understandable that he’d choose to isolate himself again out of depression and guilt.  Seri’s mom: Is that so? Reigen thinks: He needs some way of feeling secure.... it’s a tricky one. Seri’s mom: Katsuya, Mr. Reigen is here. Can we come in? 

Seri: M...Mr Reigen?  I...I cant see you like this.  Reigen: What is it? Are you feeling ill? Seri: I’m Sorry! I’m Sorry!

-1- Reigen: Just apologizing is not going to solve this problem, so I’m going to ask you, what your reasons are.  Seri: um... I that... Reigen: Okay, I’m going to need to hear your reasoning.  Seri: Well that is....um.... (Reigen is keeping his smile one but it’s clear he’s pissed) Reigen: Your reasons please... -2- Seri: I.... I wanted to go... but...but I can see them looking at me... when there’s alot of people around... and I dont have my umbrella to shield myself.... I get really anxious.  I got to the door of the house and then.... I guess I just stopped.... and then it was already time to start work.... and then...  there wasnt.... I just couldnt... But... no, no... I mean... these are probably not valid reasons.... and....

Reigen: Then... would it be okay if we went together? Seri: Um... Reigen: You are overwhelmed by fear when you go outside with out an object to hold on to correct? In theory, we can definitely search for another suitable item for you...But lacking that option right now, you need to make the effort to push your comfort zone and come out. So then... If I was accompanied you, then could consider trying it? 

Seri: But.... but... If I relied on my boss again... would I not be repeating the same mistakes?  I’ll just lapse into dependency again. 

Reigen: Which is exactly why you shouldnt just blindly accept what others say, right? There isnt anything that will take the place of your umbrella right? Then in that case, it’s up to you to push past your mindset.

Seri: My...my mindset?  Reigen: That’s right! And your first task is to leave that dark room and come to the work place. Lets start there!

-1- Reigen: You save my life. It shouldnt be too hard to call upon that courage again right? I’ll wait for you downstairs.  -2- Seri’s mom: He seems like a good man. Seri: um...hey -3- Seri: Mom, my suit.....

-1- Reigen: Huh.. that was fast, good work! Seri:...ah yes -2- Seri: eh? -3- Seri: ..but that.... Reigen: Ah... no, no

Reigen: It’s raining today. It’ll keep you dry.

Seri: It’s fine, I’ll take my own.  Reigen: Ah, you’re right. good call....

Reigen:...select one that better fits your height

Reigen: Is that one a little small for you? Seri: This one was given to me before I became a shut in, it seemed so large at the time. I liked it alot. 

Seri: I guess this is the most I can do now. I’ll use this one for a bit, then I can buy one that fits me better.  (I like how this is a underlying convo about the bounds of his comfort zone folded into this convo regarding this umbrella.)

Reigen: Is that so? Keep going, you’re doing great. 

[wasflypaw]

Why do so many people in this fandom want a needlessly complicated story that you have to analyse for 10 hours to get the full picture

No the L'Manberg War wasnt a story about how propaganda affects the audience and c!Dream secretly being the good guy just trying to defend his land against xenophobic dictators. It was only just Becoming a story back then, not much was probably planned. Like I promise they were just roleplaying Hamilton . Most people unless they're already on c!Dream's side (bc of CC Bias or other reasons) will consider him a villain in this war. Why would they create a story in which the villain is supposed to be in the right and the protagonists in the wrong but we're never shown his POV, it's never followed up on and we are Never Told This, Ever . What is the Point.

And instead of even thinking about the possibility that c!Dream has a fixation on c!Tommy (to the point where a lot of people have convinced themselves its Weird) theyll come up with this story about that not being the Real Him, that it's just a "Villain Facade" he shows c!Tommy who he Actually Doesnt Care About, again 90% of the viewers watching unless they're already c!Dream sympathetic will Not Understand This Supposed Villain Facade bc its purely built off fandom speculation and headcanons leading to most of the fandom "misinterpreting" this "misunderstood" character. And when we get his POV we're Not Show or Told or even Hinted this is true . "No he didnt go to Logstedshire because he enjoyed Exile or because c!Tommy would be there, he went to Logstedshire because of [long essay about how he secretly knew the Axe of Peace would be there and he's traumatized and he doesnt MEAN anything he was saying to c!Tommy actually, and- no this isnt shown on screen but-]"

Instead of accepting c!Dream for who he is in canon people will claim every word he says is unreliable narration, he's always lying, everything he says is the opposite of what he means, that the him he shows in 90% of his canon isnt his True Self (his "True Self" we havent seen Once not even in his own POV)

In trying to analyse a version of c!Dream's character that would be sympathetic this fandom has come up with a huge big story that would be entirely unknown to ANY viewer watching, a story that you HAVE to take a 10 hour deep dive into the fandom to understand the secret complexities behind c!Dream's character . Its like. What would be The Point.

Like there's characters that are hard to understand like c!Wilbur or c!Sam for example but you dont Need to look into the fandom to understand them. You can just watch VODs and build your understanding of them from there. With c!Dream EVERYTHING sympathetic about him is built purely off theories and fandom analysis. You will Not get "c!Dream just wants peace, the him he shows to c!Tommy is a villain Facade, he's not really that way, he was MADE a villain" from just watching VODs. A new or casual viewer will Never think that . Like the only way you'll reach that point is through the fandom passing on theories to eachother.

Sometimes it's Not That Deep

[lunarifie]

Rewatching Ninjago

(With no context other than the episode)

Possession 3-4

The fact that Kais afraid of water while his sister is the elemental master of water is hilarious to me

Stiix is actually such a fascinating place in itself

Ninjago is legitimately good at world building Ill give it that

Why are they talking to this ronin guy as if he's an old enemy I have never seen him before

Ronin (talking about money): two hundred

Cole: what if we told you all of ninjago depended on the scroll of spinjitzu

Ronin: Well that changes everything!

Ronin: Four hundred.

Hes so funny but wiki says he sold Zane to chen so im a bit on the edge. He’s gonna have to do something redeeming for me to like him

Nyas training!!!!

I kinda like Wus depiction of water

Omg i remember finding it so cool and majestic when Wu summoned his dragon

Nya: you never told us you could do that

Wu: A sensei never tells.

Me (looks back at all the episodes I just watched): Obviously.

Wonder if Nya ever wanted to be the water ninja

If Wu KNEW that the ghosts were defeated by water why didnt he tell the ninja.

Cole, Jay, and Kai working as Zanes their cheerleader is so funny to me

Jay: his voice is on the fritz, i can fix it but it’ll take some time.

I miss techy Jay

Why is everyone except Cole being leader. Wasnt Cole originally the leader-like person in the team?

Jay: I say we dont need the scroll… because we’re gonna steal it. 😈

Ik i said this in my last post but

Jay, have. You. Been. To. Jail.

Nickname 1: mush mouth (zane)

Ik Lloyds fighting Morros possession but i wonder HOW

is it like a mental battle or is he pulling at the chains that restrain him in his mind

Either way thats traumatic

Nyas character has such depth that I wanna write a paragraph on her.

Her weakness being ‘feeling weak’

I just love her character sm

Her angers not misplaced though, if I was told I had to stop doing what im good at, and start doing something that im having difficulty with from scratch. To save my friends nonetheless.

I would go insane

They go so in-depth with Nyas character and symbolism in this episode that I cant help but appreciate it

Jay, (looking intently at the vase where the scroll is hidden in): ….

Jay (picks up the vase and looks under it): leave no stone unturned.

Hes such an idiot

Its so funny that morro waited, assuming the ninja would find the scroll for him and then just jumped out and fought them bc he didnt bet on their incompetence 💀

Okay but WHY is ronin introduced as such a ‘familiar’ character. Like his ship for example. Why are we acting like weve seen it before whats going on.

Why did Jay fall through the same womans roof twice 😭

Omgggg the same thing that happened to Lloyd where ‘everyone stays behind due to some circumstances leaving one character to fight by himself’ is happening to Kai!

Ronins such a dick

He was gonna leave Kai to DIE unless he paid up thats so shitty

Oh riiiight. Ronin starts working at steep wisdom. Forgot about that.

...

Ik yangs temple and ik exactly what's gonna happen

Coles in charge :D

Why didn't they just enter Yangs temple in the daytime? I mean thatd be a long time until sunrise, so no one turns into a ghost!

Jay and Cole (trying to break open the wooden boards on the window)

Zane and Kai (opens the front door.)

Jay and Cole: 😮

Fhjebtjdbrjsbf

Cole: didnt you hear! We have to leave before sunrise unless we turn into ghosts! God i hate ghosts. They’re terrifying.

Why did it have to be Cole 😭 it couldnt have been any other ninja

Jay loving ghost stories/true crime and getting excited over it while Coles hates it is a dynamic i need in my life

okay yeah the ninja are being mean by pranking Cole like that, but theyre right his scream was really funny 💀

Gonna do that drawing trend and draw the ninja in the haunted house poses

You know what im talking about.

Why does yangs flying swords look exactly like Kais golden weapon

(Swords and knives flying in all directions)

Jay: does this mean he wont teach us airjitzu 😀

Cole: ow my ear!

What ear.

God i wish the best for teenagers who broke into the haunted temple at night and had to experience THAT

Ronin: I dont knooow, wus my partner, i cant go behind his back.

Nya: (whips out a bag of coins)

Ronin: I can get you out of here tomorrow at noon.

Zane: EVERYONE. GET A HOLD OF YOURSELVES. EVEN IF MY VOICE WASNT STUCK. ID STILL BE YELLING AT THIS VOICE DECIBEL.

HFNSJFNSJR

(The temple starts flooding)

Cole: Why. Did you touch the scary painting JAY.

Jay: I didnt know it would do that COLE.

KAI LET GO OF THE DOOR YOURE GONNA DROWN

Ohhh so theyre facing their fears

Ok but how did Morro know about Nyas samurai cave can he see into Lloyds memories?

You really didnt think this through huh Nya, including the fact that Wu quite literally told you only water can stop the ghosts

Morro: BOO

he did the, he did the thing!!!!!!

At least she understands now :)

(The ninja tying each other by a rope so they cant lose each other)

Ah yes, this is brilliant, i do not foresee any consequences coming from these action.

Damn.

They really went straight to ‘the Morro fear/illusion’

I wanted to see Zane and Jays fears :(((

I need a fanfic asap where the ninja face their individual fears in yangs temple but its their fears on a deeper level. And they help each other out and stuff.

I dont wanna do a whole character analysis rn, but if someone else wants to write it tag meeee plsss

Yangs probably cackling as these fools stumble over each other

Zane: WHY DID WE TYE OURSELVES TOGETHER

YOU TELL ME.

This is it.

COLE SACRIFICED HIMSELF FOR THE SCROLL.

And it begins, his ghost arc.

[narconfessions]

Tw people attempting to sui-bait people for intrusive thoughts, past s/h, mentions of scratching on hands/legs due a cat play-attacking them, passive scar ment, passive murder ment, passive torture ment

Quick disclaimer: no cat/kitten was harmed in any way and the only physical harm was to me, which wasnt intentional and is considerably superficial/not serious. On the mental end however...

(Btw i have bpd, ocd and potentially aspd. I really need a place to put this who wont judge me cause its helping me calm down right now.)I have some impulse issues, intrusive thoughts as well as just adopted a 12 week old kitten(clarity: i have own cats all my life, this is not my first experience with kittens). He'll attack my feet and it hurts every time. All i can do is wiggle him off or pick him up and move him. Hes been doing this the entire time we've had him( about a month now) and ive gotten full on scars from him play attacking. If you saw me and my gfs hands and legs, you'd think we stuck them in paper shredders.

Its been a long emotional and triggering day today and i was just trying to clean up a complex mess of papers and stuff on the floor and he refused to leave me alone, attacking and pouncing on every single thing i picked up or put down. I warned him with just simple words like stop or no so he can get used to them(our older cat picked up what they mean) and i even encouraged him to go play with our older cat like he usually dose. His kennel was behind me and at some point i was just done with dealing with him.

I picked him up and was going to put him in his kennel to calm down when he wiggled really hard and scratched the shit out of my hand. It really hurt and it was on my wrist which really triggering with my past with self harm. I was so angry and done and my impulses and intrusive thoughts just really wanted to hurt him because of just how many times he's hurt me. But i didnt, i just picked him more securely, put him in his kennel and went to the bathroom to clean my hand.

My thoughts got so loud and demanding and was already lightheaded from seeing my scratches that i had to turn the water to freezing cold just to keep my eyes straight and stop myself from drifting and potentially passing out( its medical).

Then i sat down and checked online for some heat of the moment tips to make sure i didnt spiral like deep breathing or how to quiet the thoughts and oh boy was that a mistake. Just people on forums asking for advice for the exact situation i was in and they didnt want to hurt anyone but they had the thoughts. 1/8th of the comments are people telling you to seek therapy, which is vaild but dosent help in the heat of the moment, the other 7/8ths? People talking about graphically murdering or torturing the poor op. Acting rightous for telling him how they hurt him or that he should commit sui. Some shit they said to this guy is stuff ive only heard in the true crime community.

Safe to say, with 0 warning, that was the absolute worst things for me to be reading at that moment. In a sound mind, i know im not my thoughts or impulses. I know that hes a kitten and he did not intend to hurt me, he was just excited and wanted to play with me because he loves me. I know that im worthy of life and just because i felt or thought it, dosent mean i meant it or wanted to hurt someone. But in the moment? That hurt. Alot. And I'm lucky it didnt lead to sh or even worse.

Im sorry if this isnt what this is for but i dont feel safe anywhere else to put this and the internet showed me that today in a moment of weakness.... It still amazes me how people can scream for support for people with adhd or depression but the second traumatized people with intrusive thoughts enter the picture, we are monsters...

Im ok now but this is what leads to alot of hurt or worse mentally ill people who are just reaching out for help before anything gets worse and some in the "anti-ableism" community pretends its not them in the comments telling people to hurt themselves instead of others while the intention should be getting them help so no one gets hurt. Its not shocking at this point.

it sounds like you handled this situation the best way you could, by not hurting yourself or others. i’m proud of you anon. but it sucks you had to see that, it’s a sad truth of how people who are supposedly “supportive” of MI people, will easily throw us under the bus the second our symptoms are too much for them :/