#by reminiscing about how i used to be so kind and optimistic. i wish they would just fucking see me for once

[diegoshargrieves]

listening to my parents talk about me is so fucking funny. "she's dealt with us for so long that at this point she's done. she's mentally checked out from having to give a shit about anyone. can you believe how corruptible she is just because she's almost an adult and she thinks that we're not her problem anymore?"

like man you are literally so close. so fucking close.

[saviourkingslut]

okay but curry can we PLEASE talk about how fucking PHENOMENAL like action Mihawk is. Had me on the brink of mental collapse 24/7 bc I kept thinking about his magnificence- he knocked it out of the PARK GODDAMNIT!!! Who's your fave from the live action cast and what are your thoughts?? Personally I think it's very good, I just wish Sanji's arc hadn't been cut (tho Don Krieg sucks as a villain, ngl, kinda happy Mihawk got rid of that bitchboy so easily ☠️☠️☠️), but other than that I'm SO proud of everyone involved, they really put in lov and dedication and respect for the series, I'm looking forward to more!!! How about you??🌸🌼🍀

ok full disclosure lest anyone think i have read the manga or seen the anime: i haven't, it's way long and i've never felt particularly drawn to it. HOWEVER i've seen my fair share of (shounen) anime and when i saw they were doing a live action of one piece i really thought it was going to suck bc the live actions always suck. boy was i wrong. everyone working on this from screenwriters to cinematographers to costume department to the actors themselves clearly love the source material and knew exactly what they were doing, and the vibe is Exactly Right. it's camp and fun and a little stupid like shounen anime tend to be and it fully embraces it and so it feels completely natural. of course the cat-themed pirate crew hiss and wear knife-gloves. of course there's characters with blue and green and whatever colour hair. of course the officers in the marines have personal Themes. we don't need any explanation, the world is just like this. and it's balanced exactly right so the more emotional, serious aspects of the story carry the weight that they need to without feeling out of place.

also, as a someone who hasn't engaged with the manga/anime, i think the series cut away/kept enough of the original material to come out of it feeling well-paced, understandable to newcomers and filled with fun recognisable bits for long-time fans. perhaps this meant, as you say, cutting out some pieces of character development/background that might have been enjoyable, but it's a well-made sacrifice bc it prevented the story from feeling too bloated. i think it was just right like this: gave us background on everyone and simultaneously left room for the story to process, without too many things at once to focus on. you could still sense that it was based on a manga bc of its little arcs - usually two eps with a minor boss to beat each time, and a bigger, badder boss at the end of the season. so i feel like keeping that theme in a narrative sense also really helped to make it reminiscent of the material it draws from and made it well-rounded and well-structured overall.

ANYWAY. mihawk. oh my god. i rewatched his scenes. multiple times. he was gorgeous. effervescent. insert the lady gaga meme. again i haven't engaged with the og material but i know these kinds of manga characters and there's so many ways to do them wrong but steven john ward really said 'i was made for this role actually' and he served absolute cunt. definitely up there among my favourite characters in the show - and that's saying a LOT bc im obsessed with almost everyone in it fr. they made me like the fucking clown (i hate clowns) buggy is genuinely incredible. the main cast? what the hell dude. they just found luffy living irl like... genuinely what the fuck. iñaki was born to play him and he did it so wonderfully - guy who is fatally optimistic but also insane and it works. nami's really cool as well - i've heard/read some stuff abt the writing of women especially in the earlier parts of the manga (woman in shounen main character group syndrome) but i think she was solid here and her interactions with the rest of the cast were great. also usopp! is so cute! so much potential to not have that kind of character work out in a real life adaptation but he's so lovable

and on that note the fucking. interactions amongst the main cast? im sobbing screaming crying they're everything to me. the way they're so supportive and proud and protective of each other and yet they talk shit the whole time too. there's so much chemistry among them and they truly do feel like people from different backgrounds who (sometimes reluctantly) come together and would do anything for each other. like real friends who have fun and make fun of each other too, it's a great dynamic and they really hit the mark there.

as to who's my favourite, well, as i said, mihawk's definitely up there, and im a simple hoe - i love zoro. but i think i enjoyed sanji's scenes the most and not just bc of his ass. heard he's kind of pervy in the og material? well the direction they took him in the live action where they kept the 'imprints on woman' but is overall sweet about it and generally less moody than he is in the anime/manga was a great direction i think. he's supremely enjoyable as a character. the accent? the facial expressions? the smiles? the jokes? im on my bed swooning and giggling and kicking my feet he is so fucking funny and i want him so bad. 'apologies madam i didn't see you there.' 'oooh back for seconds must have liked it' i literally re-watched every scene he was in at least once. his kicks were so nicely choreographed too it was really satisfying to look at, very clean (taz did god's work on his training). sometimes at home ill be doing nothing in particular like ill be standing in the living room and i'll mutter to myself 'cotelette. collier. epaulé. poitrine.' and go on with my day he lives in my brain rent free.

so uhm yea i think the series is really good and 1) sanji 2) mihawk 3) zoro if i had to put them in order i think lmaooo

[just-a-wondrous-wanderer]

2022: EPIPHANY

Isaiah 60:22: When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen.

This has been my bible verse of 2022, and, indeed when the time is right, the Lord made it happen.

This year has been full of surprises and plot twists that probably the version of me this time last year won’t be able to believe and comprehend what has happened. It was as if it was just a thought or an idea for the plot of a self-help book. If I’d get to meet my December 2021 & January 2022 self, I am sure they are crying a river right now and I would tell them that I am proud of them that despite us being so indecisive, having doubts and fears about whether to push through a decision we do not even have a clue if it is the right thing to do I am glad that for once, we were able to have conviction and listened to what our heart desires.

Before 2022 entered, I remember that all I ever thought about was leaving my current job. The job that I truly enjoyed because of the people I met that inspired me the most during 2021. It was a tough decision to make because regardless of how many plans I had in mind, they weren’t solid enough yet. I did not know whether I’d be successful in whatever endeavor I had wished and prayed for. One thing’s for sure; I would be unemployed once I left my job.

When January 2022 came, I dared to resign even though it was with such a heavy heart, but I had to listen and follow what I felt from the bottom of my heart. I just told myself that I’d create my agency, focus on my business, find time to be back to the industry I was once part of or go and study abroad. I have lots of options, but that would take so much work, money, and faith and what I only have is courage, hard work, and faith. As for the money, well, I can say that there lies an optimistic part of me that whenever I do not have something or lack in any aspect, I just know that I can do it and I can save for it. All I know is no matter how blurry the outcome is, I will always find ways, and that kind of mindset helped me so much throughout the year.

When I left, I thought it wasn’t a great thing to do to start the year. After a week, I was diagnosed, and all of a sudden, I had to undergo an operation. REAL QUICK.

After 2 weeks, an opportunity from an airline called unexpectedly. I felt like when I reminisced about this scenario, I’d vividly remember everything. This story is worth being in a TED talk if we’re going to talk about the Isaiah 60:22 verse. 

Then, months had turned in and I heard nothing from the company. A lot of opportunities came, but I got rejected. And by viewing it from my current perspective, they weren’t rejections. They were more redirection and cooling my heels so I would have the energy to appreciate everything I am about to receive once I am ready to meet the biggest plot twist of 2022.

January to May 30th was truly a heartbreaking and humbling moment for me. But the second half? Oh… the twist of events.

I got accepted to the first airline contacted me! They asked me if I am still interested in continuing my application with them and I was able to earn my wings again in a new home in the sky. I have always prayed to be back to flying but never expected that I would be able to get in this year because I know the competition and the demand was tough, and there were a lot of aspirants that also truly deserved a spot. And I guess, I was one of them, and I am immensely grateful.

All the beautiful things, even the sad parts were because of the day I joined them. The best part of this year rooted from my new workplace. I have experienced and encountered a lot of things that were a FIRST for me. I met lots of people and made new friends along the way that I hope could be lifelong friends. Because of my new job, I was able to spoil and help my family and myself.

I remember before receiving the great news, I have already surrendered everything to God. I have almost given up and am ready to pursue another field because I felt like maybe I wasn’t meant to be in the aviation industry anymore and I had to find my place in another, but again, God, will make it happen when the time is right. And it was the perfect time of all. 

Everything felt right. 

Nothing felt forced. 

Everything is in place. 

No anxieties, no overthinking, no doubts. 

Everything felt easy because it was meant for me, perhaps. 

Definitely it’s true when something is meant for you there is a Godly peace.

And my greatest takeaway for 2022 is to have faith. Always believe in what you prayed for, and when you achieve it, continue praying and thanking Him.

BE KIND.

BE PRESENT IN THE NOW.

Give back as much as possible. 

Do good things without expecting anything in return.

Don’t force things that do not feel right.

Fake it ‘til you make it.

Embrace EACH day regardless.

BE GRATEFUL.

2022, thank you for the memories.

2023, I am looking forward to meeting you. 

I hope you will also be a great year.

xoxo,

QNPL

[1ddotdhq]

◟̽◞̽ Tues 24 Nov ‘20 🐠

Grammy Nominations and Live Shows OH MY!!

LOUIS’ BACK!!! And I don’t mean “oh he liked something on Instagram” or “oh he tweeted about a RHCP concert”, I mean he’s going to be doing a VEEPS LIVESHOW! And so we solve the mystery of the Spotify vids (they were a stage!): a few hours before the announcement, he tweeted, “Hope you’re all doing alright. Exciting stuff coming up!!”, and then left the masses to wonder what could possibly be happening and when. Three anxious hours later: “So excited to announce that I’m getting my band and crew back together to put on a special show for you all that will be streamed December 12 [!!!adkhfkadhfjj!!!] and will be available for 28 hours after. The show will support 5 important causes very close to my heart”. The causes Louis Tomlinson Live From London will support are FareShare (they redistribute food to communities in need), CrewNation (the LiveNation COVID crew fund), StageHand (similar to CrewNation, but UK based), Bluebell Wood Children’s Hospice, and paying Louis' own touring crew! The tickets go on sale TOMORROW. If you can't afford one, Luke Massie (founder and CEO of Vibe Tickets) is giving funds away on twitter to fans who want to watch the show! “I’ll do my best to help as many of you as I can see him and his amazing crew perform,” he said. Louis has said that there is no cap on the ticket sales, so I’m taking him at his word and hoping that Veeps is prepared for what's about to happen (they're REALLY not lol.)

And that’s not all!! The press release for the show promised “songs from… ‘Walls”...alongside a few surprises” (I - could it - new music????), as well as “an exclusive range of new merchandise” that comes out tomorrow! The merch proceeds will go to the charities listed above. And! The Telegraph published an interview! Louis promises AN UPCOMING NEW ALBUM (“I had basically penciled down a plan before corona took over our lives”). He says again that he wants to move into the KMM style rock sound, “I think there were some songs where I took slightly more risk and owned what I love, saying, this is who I want to be..there is a certain energy in [KMM], in its delivery, in its attitude, that I want to recreate. People are struggling at the moment so I want to create a raucous, exciting atmosphere in my live show, not a somber, thoughtful one.” He says that he wants this next album to be more optimistic, because that is who he is, but new songwriting is HARD during a pandemic: for him (like for all of us), his days have fallen into a routine, and so he has no ‘new experiences’ to draw from. And, once again, Louis brings up John Frusciante and how he “fucking wishes” he could chat with him. Louis - drop your RHCP stan account PLEASE! We also learned that fans were RIGHT in speculating that he’s been in LA recently (though likely not for the reason the Telegraph wants us to think). About his travels, Louis says, “[The spot he goes to] is remote and kind of weird, and I’m going to go there for three days and write. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it... it’s got some very interesting (peculiar?) locals who live there...it feels like you’re going back in time when you’re there.” ANY COMMENT, @/visiteroda??? And, in a rare look ahead, Louis reveals that he wants to manage an all-women’s rock band playing instruments (hey, friend, you know where women could play instruments? YOUR OWN BAND, MY DUDE! Just a suggestion). He said that his process with Syco had become “challenging and frustrating” because the kinds of artists he wants to develop aren’t “ready-made” - he sees a lot of artists that were “rough and ready” but labels want to see “something that works straight away”. But with Syco dust in the wind he can get back to it: HELL YEAH! The band he’s currently got his eyes on is Fickle Friends (an indie Brighton all-female rock band); he says this is the kind of band he wants to manage, “because there’s no one in that space. And I know eventually if I don’t do it, someone else will!”. Guys, I say this a lot, but really, Louis is about to make some WAVES in that space and I can’t WAIT to see it play. But first the concert, please!

AND!!!!!! Harry has been NOMINATED FOR THREE FUCKING GRAMMYS!! GUYS, HE MADE IT! The categories he is up for are: Best Music Video (Adore You - the TASTE), Best Pop Solo Performance (Watermelon Sugar), and BEST POP VOCAL ALBUM! I know that we’re always like, Grammys mean nothing, and how can we feel otherwise 1D was never nominated, but this is a MILESTONE in his career, and I am so happy to see his work getting the recognition it deserves! There were no nominations for him in the general field this year (artist or record of the year) BUT just you WAIT. Everything that Harry does makes me think that he is gearing up for a very long and successful career and I am. Very Happy for him. And so is everyone else! Harry’s friends, family, colleagues, and labels have all been quick to congratulate him on his well deserved recognition. In other Harry news, we got some stills from an Austrailian movie called “Holding the Man” which bear remarkable similarities to the Golden music video. (Were Harry's Vans really in there as a tribute to the film or did that part just work out very well for him??) The movie and the song don’t have anything in common thematically except being gay, but it really looks like a visual homage to this film (or, my personal theory, a fix-it fic to give it a happy ending!). And! Harry was papped on the DWD set with Florence Pugh again today, in a suit and an opulent background - it’s hard to make out Harry’s face, but I think we can guess that it's beaming in pride, as it should be.

GQ Spain did a piece on Liam’s Hugo capsule, praising it for being “the utilitarian style” (“the star trend of 2020”). They’re very nice about it, and seem to be genuinely interested and like the color scheme of the clothes: “the monocolor look...is an irrefutable argument in men’s clothing”. They also praise the collection for being an example that “you don’t need to spend hours in front of a mirror to dress like the best dressed men on the planet”. All of these were meant to be compliments, I SWEAR! Niall was around on Twitter yesterday, reminiscing about the time when some fans asked Justin Beiber to take pictures of them with Niall, it's true Niall that IS hilarious and also good psychic timing: that's EXACTLY how relevant Justin Beiber should be (yes I AM bitter the Weeknd was ROBBED). He also congratulated Shawn Mendes for his documentary, “So proud of this boy. He’s smashed it and always so humble. Well done to everyone involved.X”. I have not seen this documentary but if there are any more “Camila Cabello orders bananas at sushi restaurants moments” PLEASE let me know!

[wolvesandpetals]

Playing House: Part 2: Loki x Sylvie Fanfiction (Rated: T, Humor/Romance).

Part 1 here. Masterlist of Sylki fanfictions here. This chapter mostly fills in the gaps and acts as a backstory, providing some answers. Sylki hijinks in next chapter!

---

Sylvie wakes up the next morning with the sunrays lighting up the room through the windows. It's so different from the life she has always known- hiding in the shadows, endlessly on the run.

She has spent her entire life waking up in unfamiliar places. Yet, this feels different. This feels familiar, almost mundane. Even though some unknown dangerous entity has trapped them here, it feels... safe.

[[MORE]]

And she swears it has nothing to do with the fact that his arm is wrapped around her waist, and how it makes her feel protected. Nothing at all.

This is what her dreams were made of- a home, a person to wake up next to every day, a sense of serenity instead of the ever present death and despair. And now she has it all.

She shifts a little, earning groans of protest from him, and it makes her smile. The warmth radiating from his body makes her long to stay like this forever. Slowly and reluctantly, she pulls his arm off her body and places it on his chest, her smile widening as she watches him sleep. "Loki?"

He groans. "Please, mother. Can you awaken Thor first?"

She touches his shoulder gently. "Loki, it's morning."

"No, mother, princes do not wake up so early", he mumbles in his sleep.

She just cannot bring herself to force him awake. Not when he looks so happy.

---

His morning starts at 10 am. He picks up the newspaper that the delivery boy left on the porch. Apparently, it's 2021, there's a new president, and a new iPhone, whatever that is.

She makes breakfast. It's just milk and cereals, but it's the first meal they have both had at a kitchen table with someone akin to a loved one in a long, long time, and it feels good.

He picks up his phone, hoping to learn how to properly operate it, and goes through his contacts list. There are a lot of people that he does not remember meeting, mixed with people that he never wishes to meet again, but one name in particular makes him pause. "Thor's number is programmed in my phone."

Sylvie looks up in confusion, clueless why this is significant. "Alright?"

"I didn't know he even had a number." Loki explains. Maybe it's recent? Maybe that is the reason he did not know, and it's not because they have been at odds lately?

"Maybe it's not Thor?" Sylvie suggests. It is a different reality, after all. Everything may be just an illusion.

Loki takes in a deep breath, bracing himself for what he knows he has to do. There is only one way to find out.

---

There are exactly four rings before he hears the familiar voice on the other side of the line. "Hello, brother."

"Hello, brother." He clears his throat, trying to push down the emotions swelling in his chest. In reality, he last saw Thor the day he was captured by the TVA. Yet, it feels like a lifetime ago. "How have you been?"

"I've been well", Thor answers. There's noisy chatter in the background, like a restaurant or a bar, and what sounds like old 60s music. "How are you?"

"I am well too." Loki lies. "It is so good to speak to you. Umm, how are the Avengers?"

There's a brief pause on the other end. "The Avengers? You are enquiring about my friends? Are you not going to ask about mother and father?"

Loki forgets how to breathe. "M-mother and father?"

"Yes?" Loki can picture Thor rolling his eyes as he speaks. "Our mother and father? The people who have loved and adored us our entire lives? Rings a bell?"

The last time Loki met his parents, they were furious and disappointed with him for his betrayal of Asgard. Then New York happened, and he is sure those emotions were heightened.

The rest of it, he has only watched on the projector screen at the TVA and not experienced himself, but he heard his parents express how much he means to them, right before watching them die. After spending the last few months angry at them, and craving power that makes him superior to Thor, he realised in that one moment that none of it mattered. All he wanted was the life he once knew, the life back at Asgard, the one he can never return to.

It's a truly cunning being that has trapped him in a reality where these cruel events may not have happened. Trap a man in hell, and he will burn it to the ground, trying to find his way out. Trap him in his heaven, and he is forever imprisoned. This is an eternal prison indeed, because why would he ever want to leave?

"Mother and father?" Loki repeats, still in disbelief, and a little optimistic. "They are not dead?"

"What kind of sick question is that, brother?" There's the familiar irritation in Thor's voice. "Why would you even ask that?"

"I'm... I'm sorry. I just feel a little... disoriented."

"Is everything alright with you?" Thor pauses, hesitating before he asks the next question. "Are you having marital troubles? Is Sylvie alright?"

"You know Sylvie?"

"Of course I know your wife." There's genuine concern now. "You are scaring me, brother. Is this a trick?"

"No, no." Loki shakes his head for emphasis, even though Thor cannot see it. "Not a trick, brother. I am just happy to hear your voice."

The line goes dead. There's a flash of thunder, a loud bang in the backyard, and then a thunderous voice. "Loki?"

Loki rushes to the backyard. Sylvie follows him, ready to fight the intruder, if necessary. She finds a blonde man in 60s clothes, wielding the hammer that she knows too well.

Sylvie goes pale. She hasn't seen her brother in ages, and this isn't her brother. She has never met this man, never played with him, never turned him into a toad, and definitely never missed him. Yet, her heart aches at the sight of this stranger who is another version of him.

"Oh, hi, Sylvie." Thor smiles warmly at her, before it turns apologetic. He tugs at an ear. "Sorry about your flowerpots." He glances at the mess he has made- again- vowing to land on the street next time. He spots Loki standing in the background and gives him a slight nod. "Brother."

"Brother." Loki takes a step forward, resisting the urge to rush to his brother and embrace him tightly. Not long back, they were on opposite sides of the battle. All he wanted back then was to be equal to Thor.

All he wants now is to be brothers again.

"Thor?" Sylvie says his name carefully, like it's a word that can break this spell. "Is that really you?"

Thor feels the panic coming back. "Alright, what is the matter with you two? Are you on drugs?"

"Me? Drugs?" Loki scoffs indignantly. "You are the one who looks like you just spent a week at Woodstock."

Thor takes a brief moment to glance down at his outfit- courtesy of StarJerk- before returning his undivided attention to the couple that is acting extremely strange.

"Prove that you are not on drugs." He places the hammer on the ground, next to Loki's feet. "Here."

"You want me to lift Mjojonir?" Loki stares in confusion. "Are you insulting me?"

"You can't lift it, can you?"

His irritation grows. "Of course I can't lift it. I've never been able to lift it."

"Loki... You... We've... Do you not remember the time we..." Thor stares at him, dumbfounded. "Do you really not remember that you too can wield Mjojonir?" Then another thought occurs to him, one which seems more likely. "Wait, is this another elaborate scheme of yours to steal Mjojonir?"

Sylvie takes in a deep breath, pushing down all the complicated emotions that have found their way into the spotlight since she met the mirror image of her brother. Right now, she is trapped in a reality that is not of her choosing, by an entity that is not known to her, and she cannot allow herself to get lost in the illusion. The man in front of her is merely an opportunity, one which she has to seize. "Alright, then. Come in already, brother." She tilts her head towards the door, gesturing at the brothers to come inside.

"Brother?" Loki mumbles under his breath.

Sylvie shrugs. "Well, he is your brother, and I am your wife, right?"

---

Thor walks through the kitchen and into the living room like he knows the place extremely well. He sits down on the couch- in the spot that Loki already considers his own spot, Loki notes with annoyance - and examines a cushion. "I see you replaced these after the mishap with the gun."

Loki and Sylvie exchange a look. They have no idea what he is talking about, but if they know themselves at all, they were definitely the ones responsible for the incident.

"Here, have a drink." Sylvie offers him a coffee mug filled with whiskey on the rocks. When Thor reaches for it, she covers his hand with hers.

Loki feels that ever familiar feeling that he has felt anytime something he wanted has gone to Thor instead. It's not like Sylvie is his actual wife, and he has any right to be jealous. But the mere sight of Sylvie's hand covering Thor's is a source of extreme irritation for him. "What are you doing?"

Sylvie places the finger of her free hand on her lips, asking him to be quiet. She returns her attention to Thor. There's a flash of green, travelling from her hand, to Thor's, and rising up his arm, to his heart. "Oh, the gun. That was something. Remember the day we met?"

Loki finally realizes what is happening. "Are you enchanting my brother?" He whispers.

Sylvie rolls her eyes, whispering back at him. "Obviously."

"You can't enchant my brother!" He hisses. "He's my brother!"

"And you've done worse to him." She points out. "We need to know what he knows."

Loki sighs, finally giving in semi-reluctantly.

"You know how we met." Thor answers, confused, and oblivious to the conversation between his brother and his wife.

"I know. But let's reminisce." Sylvie keeps her tone calm and cheerful. "Tell me about the good old times."

"It wasn't good." Thor reminds her. "You broke Jane's telescope."

"Right. Good ol' Jane." She fakes a laugh, before turning to Loki. "Jane?"

"The human he's dating." He supplies.

"Human?"

He gives her a sad nod.

"And what is my name, my full name?"

"Sylvie Lushton, from Broxton, Oklahoma. You took my brother's name only to escape the internet fame under yours. Clever." It is clear from the way he speaks that he thinks highly of her.

Loki and Sylvie exchange another look. A few days back, this is when he would have asked about Mjojonir, what the deal is with him apparently being able to wield it. But now, he can think of only one thing, because there is only one thing that actually matters. "Ask him about my parents."

"And your parents? Where are they now?"

"At New Asgard, of course." Thor tells her like it's obvious. "The same place they were the last time you visited."

Sylvie lets go of his hands abruptly. The thought that she probably has a set of parents at Oklahoma, and a version of Odin and Frigga at New Asgard is too overwhelming. She leans back against the sofa, trying to catch her breath.

Thor blinks, trying to adjust to the fact that he is back at Sylvie and Loki's living room instead of his bed chamber at Asgard. "Did you just-?" Realizing what happened, he stares at Sylvie in shock. "All the years, and you have never once tried to enchant me, not even when Loki begged you. You have always been a loyal friend to me." His voice grows resolute, like that of a man on a mission. "Tell me this instant what is going on with you two. I demand answers."

"I'm sorry." Sylvie tells him sincerely. She knows now that this man is not the one responsible for the illusion. His memories are real, at least to him. He is not a danger to them

Loki smiles sadly. "You wouldn't believe us even if we told you."

Thor crosses his arms in front of his chest and leans back against the cushions, making it clear that he is not going anywhere until he is satisfied. "I travel through space with a talking racoon and a grunting hormonal tree. Try me."

"Okay. We are from a different reality. Two different realities actually." Loki begins his Loki lesson. "I was supposed to be immortalized in the hearts of Asgardians after meeting a heroic end in glorious battle with Thanos. Sylvie was taken from Asgard when she was merely a child. There is this evil organization called the TVA. Time variance authority. We weren't supposed to exist, yet we existed. So these pathetic, low-life bureaucrats arrested us. We were trying to find the man in charge. We were so close. Then we found ourselves here abruptly."

Thor just stares at them, utterly confused.

"You're rubbish at this." Sylvie comments, before taking over the storytelling duty. "Loki and I are not who you think we are. We are from a different reality. Your memories are not real to us. They never happened to us. I have never met you. And we are most definitely not married."

"Ouch." Loki places a heart over his chest to express his hurt. Sylvie grins at him.

Thor tries his best to process this wild tale. "Let me get this straight. You're telling me that my brother, my only brother-"

"Adopted." Loki interrupts with the quip. He can't stop himself.

"- My annoying brother", Thor continues, "is supposed to be dead? And you? You're from Asgard?"

"I'm him, actually." Sylve explains. "Well, not him, another version of him, the superior one. I'm Sylvie Laufeydottir." She half smiles at Thor.

Thor stares at Sylvie, then at Loki, then back at Sylvie again. "Are you sure you're not under the influence of any narcotics?"

"Yes!" Loki reaffirms, more exasperated by the minute.

"Are you sure I'm not under the influence of any narcotics?" Thor wonders.

"Not really." Loki admits.

"But I assure you, what we are saying is the truth." Sylvie looks him in the eyes, hoping he can see the honesty in hers. "This life, this house, we have only known it for a day."

Thor is quiet for a long while. When he speaks again, his voice is more sympathetic, and less skeptical. "Would you like to know more? About your past, I mean? The one I know?"

"Of course." Sylvie answers immediately. Part of it is to gather information so that they can decide how to get out.

There's another part of her that really wants to know what a happy life looks like for her. She can't resist the temptation to sneak a peak down the rabbit hole.

Thor takes a sip from the mug. The ice has melted by now, but the drink is cold enough. Taking in a deep breath, he begins. "I met you six years back at London. You were filming something for YouTube, and you accidentally broke Jane's telescope. You were gracious enough to offer to buy her a new one. But she wanted nothing to do with you." He adds, as an afterthought, to lessen the blow. "It's nothing personal, Jane just doesn't really like influencers. You gave me your number, in case she changed her mind."

"A while later, Loki stole my jacket. Well, borrowed, in his words, but I haven't seen it since that day, so you be the judge. Where is it, by the way?"

Loki rolls his eyes. "Isn't it clear that I do not know?"

"Right." Thor nods. All of this is still bizzare to him, but he's willing to be open to the possibility. "Anyways, Loki found the little card with your number in the pocket, and he called you up. You hung up on him within a minute. That's your version of the story, anyway. Loki swears you talked to him before you hung up."

"And then my brother, ever so proud of himself, took that personally. He called you back to tell you off." He puts on his best Loki imitation. "I'm Loki, the prince of Asgard, the God of mischief, and you must treat me with respect, or I will use my hairgel to slick your hair back too. Bla bla bla." He grins when he notices Loki glaring at him, and his grin grows wider at the next part. He looks at Sylvie with a smile that conveys how proud he is of her. "You hung up on him again."

"He Googled you up and showed up at your doorstep the next week, ready to turn your clothes into snakes and show you your place. But the moment you opened the door, my brother was putty in your hands. Seriously, he wouldn't shut up about you for weeks."

"Instead of snakes, he gave you flowers. He serenaded you, actually. What was the song, brother? When she sleeps- no, wait." Thor hums the tune, trying to remember the words. "That's it! When she sings, she sings come home." He laughs, like he always does when he imagines Loki acting like a lovestruck fool. "I can't believe you didn't get a restraining order on him. He kept sending you flowers every day. Until you finally decided to go out with him. You guys hit it off right away. Your parents liked him. I don't know why." This earns him another glare from Loki and results in another grin. "Our parents liked you. It was all surprisingly easy."

"Loki proposed during the Convergence. He was so nervous about it. It was fun to watch him squirm."

"You had a June wedding. You moved here after a few months. And you've been happily married since."

It's almost impossible for either of them to imagine a world where they have sworn to spend eternity with another person.

But it's not impossible at all, not anymore, not when they have found each other. Sylvie tries not to dwell on this for long.

Another thought occupies her instead. If she is not an Asgardian princess in this reality... "How do I have my powers?"

Thor shrugs. "How does anyone have their powers? How do the Avengers have their powers?"

They still do not know who did this, but now they have an idea about what was done to them.

If he's being honest with himself, a reality where he and Sylvie both exist together, where his parents are alive, and Thor doesn't hate him, is not the worst thing in the world. It is almost like a scene from his dreams, depicting his heart's desires.

"Thank you." Sylvie sincerely tells Thor. "Now we need to find a way out."

[reinerispretty]

reminiscence. (? x reader) pt3

hello and thank u so much for all of ur kind words on the last two chapters!! i hope you guys enjoy this one :) 

pt1

pt2

pt4

“Speak for yourself, Bolin,” grumbled Hasook, the only waterbender they could find to join their team. “You being distracted practically cost us the game.”

“It was only a few seconds,” Mako snapped, readily coming to his brother’s defense.

“That’s all it takes to lose.” Hasook walked angrily out of the locker room. When he was gone, (Y/N’s) bright eyes peered around the door frame.

“I hope I’m not interrupting,”

A smile curled onto (Y/N’s) lips. 

“Nice to meet you, Bolin,” She said, and Bolin felt his heart skip a beat. He liked the way her voice said his name. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, what were you doing walking by yourself at night?” 

“I had just gotten off of work,” (Y/N) said with a sigh. “I got stuck with the late shift, so no one could leave until everything was absolutely spotless. And like, right as we were almost done for the night, someone spills a bottle of oil all over the floor! Waterbenders can’t pick that up!” She frowned. “Sorry, I’m just ranting to you at this point.” 

“Rant away!” Bolin said, his face excited. “Where do you work?” 

“I’m a waitress at Kwong’s Cuisine.” 

“Woah,” Bolin gapsed. “No wonder you were so bummed out about losing your food! That place is amazing. I mean, I imagine it’s amazing. The only thing I’ve had from there were leftovers from the garbage.” When (Y/N) furrowed her brows, Bolin started panicking. “I don’t eat from the garbage all the time! My brother and I used to when we were living on the streets.” 

“Oh,” (Y/N) said, her expression turning sad. She reached forward and placed her hand atop Bolin’s. “I’m so sorry. That must’ve been so awful.” 

“It wasn’t too bad!” Bolin, cheerful as ever, gave her a smile. “I had Mako, which was nice, but sometimes we could find really great things in the garbage. Once, I found a whole pie, just sitting on top of trash cans! Didn’t look dirty or anything! It was delicious. Sometimes I still think about trash pie.” 

(Y/N) laughed and Bolin reveled in the sound. “What about you?” She asked. “Why were you on the streets?” 

“Mako and I got into a little argument about money again. It’s fine though, because we’re gonna make our own pro-bending team and rake in all the cash!” An idea popped into his head and he leaned forward excitedly, their faces just inches apart. “Say, you wouldn’t happen to be a waterbender, would you?” 

“Unfortunately, no,” (Y/N) said and Bolin deflated back into his seat. “I don’t bend anything. My family’s full of benders but me? I am bendless.” 

“Hey, that’s okay!” Bolin assured her. “I know really great people who aren’t benders!” 

“I’m not very sad about it,” She said, playing with the straw that was in her drink. “But I do get just a teensy bit jealous. Like, when I’m watching probending and the teams do all these cool moves!” 

“You wanna talk about cool moves? You should see Mako and I! He’s a firebender, I’m an earthbender. We’re like a dynamic duo. Our first match is in two weeks from today, if you wanted to come!” 

“You have a match but you don’t have a waterbender?” Bolin waved his hand in the air dismissively. 

“We’ll find someone, I’m sure! Say you’ll be there?” He asked, his green eyes bright and hopeful. 

“I’ll try my best!” (Y/N) said, and Bolin could tell she really meant it. “It’s just, you know, work.” 

At that moment, their soup dumplings arrived. This both excited and disappointed Bolin. Excited because he was starving and disappointed because he knew once they were finished eating, he and (Y/N) would go their separate ways. 

After stuffing themselves full of soup dumplings, Bolin and (Y/N) practically waddled out of the restaurant. The streets of Republic City were nearly bare. “How about I walk you home?” Bolin offered. (Y/N) nodded, a blush gracing her cheeks. 

They walked side by side and talked about anything and everything. He found out that her mom owned Kwong’s Cuisine and expected (Y/N) to take it over once she was old enough, but (Y/N) wasn’t sure if she wanted to do that yet. She loved animals and preferred to be cold rather than hot, because when she’s cold she can just bundle up. Despite working for her mom, she lived on her own, since her mom didn’t have that much time to be around anyway. 

Bolin told her about how his parents died and what it was like living on the streets for so many years. He told her of the gangs that they had done work for and she looked at him with complete understanding and a lack of judgement. He told her about his best friend, Pabu, and how much he wished he had brought Pabu with him because he knew he would’ve made her so happy. 

By the time they had reached her doorstep, Bolin was feeling very sad. The odds of him ever seeing this girl again were slim to none and that was the last thing that he wanted. 

“Do you have a piece of paper and a pen?” He asked suddenly. (Y/N) nodded, stepping inside for a moment before returning with his supplies. He tore off a small piece of paper and balanced it on his knee, scratching his address onto the lines. “This is where you can find me.” She took it gingerly from his hands and looked at it. When she looked back up at him, she smiled. 

“Thank you,” She said, her voice soft. “I’ll definitely track you down. I have to repay you for the soup dumplings.” Bolin grinned. 

“I’ll be looking forward to it.” He walked down her front steps and nearly tripped. He turned around again to see her laughing at him. He smiled once more and gave her a small salute before walking off into the night. 

Bolin didn’t see (Y/N) at his next pro-bending match, or at the three matches after it. Each time he would look up into the crowd, past the bright lights and thousands of fans and search for the face that had been in his dreams for weeks now. Every night, he was disappointed. He’d put on his helmet and step onto the platform, ready to take his frustrations out on the opposing team. 

He had told Mako about the girl he had eaten soup dumplings with. Mako hadn’t really taken him seriously; Bolin always got distracted by girls for a few days and then found himself enamored by another one soon enough. But this one seemed to be sticking. Mako sort of hoped she’d turn up just so Bolin would stop talking about her. 

And then one night, she did. Bolin’s eyes scanned the crowd, just as they always did, and surprisingly they came to rest on (Y/N’s) face. She sat higher up, in the cheaper seats, but her presence was undeniable. Her smile seemed to beam down on him as she turned to her friend and pointed at the platform. 

“She’s here!” He turned to Mako, jumping on his feet. “She really came!” 

“Finally,” Mako grumbled, and the match started. Bolin didn’t seem to notice, his eyes trained on (Y/N) for the first few seconds of the game. This gave the opposing team the opening to hit him with earthbending discs, knocking him back into the second zone. 

Bolin groaned and jumped to his feet. Mako turned to him as he firebended, his golden eyes furious. “Either you get your act together or I’ll knock you off the platform myself!” 

Bolin nodded, holding his fists toward his face as he shot discs at the opposing team. He dodged their attempts at knocking him off his feet. If this was (Y/N’s) first match seeing him, then she’d see him at his best. 

The Fire Ferrets didn’t win the match, but they played a good game. The team was freshly made and it would take them a while to get in tune with each other. Bolin remained optimistic that they’d win the next one, and he expressed this to his team as they went back to their locker rooms. 

“Speak for yourself, Bolin,” grumbled Hasook, the only waterbender they could find to join their team. “You being distracted practically cost us the game.” 

“It was only a few seconds,” Mako snapped, readily coming to his brother’s defense. 

“That’s all it takes to lose.” Hasook walked angrily out of the locker room. When he was gone, (Y/N’s) bright eyes peered around the door frame. 

“I hope I’m not interrupting,” She said, and Bolin couldn’t stop the grin that rose to his face when he heard her voice. “I told someone that I knew Bolin and then they told me to come here?” 

“They’re used to Bolin’s routine of bringing back screaming fangirls,” Mako said, and Bolin gave him a harsh shove. 

“Former routine,” He grumbled, before walking over to (Y/N). He wasn’t sure if he should hug her or hold her hands or kiss her. The last option would probably be too much for the moment. “I’m so happy to see you.” 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner,” She said, an apologetic smile gracing her features. “I got scheduled for every night a pro-bending match was on. I had to ask someone to cover for me just to come here.” 

“Oh no! I’m sorry you had to take off work.” (Y/N) shrugged. 

“It was definitely worth it. You guys played an amazing game.” (Y/N) stepped further into the room, directing her attention toward Mako. “I’m (Y/N), by the way. Bolin kinda saved my butt a few weeks back.” 

“I’m Mako,” He said. “And I know. He hasn’t stopped talking about it since then.” Bolin’s face flushed a bright pink, but (Y/N) just laughed. 

“Can I treat you both to soup dumplings? I have to pay Bolin back for mine anyway.” 

“Dumplings sound fantastic!” Bolin grinned. “Right Mako?” 

“I won’t say no to free food.” 

---

(Y/N’s) stomach rumbled loudly. 

She sat atop Naga, her arms wrapped around Korra’s middle. The polar bear dog trotted through Republic City as Korra took her to one of her favorite spots: a little meat stand on the side of the street. “This place is amazing,” Korra called back to her. “I find the stands to be way better than actual restaurants.”

(Y/N) wasn’t quite sure if she could relate, but she was willing to try. They pulled Naga up to the stand to order their food. “You again,” The woman running the stand grumbled. “You actually have money this time?” 

“Yes,” Korra said, sticking her tongue out at the woman. “We’ll have two of everything.”

“Two of everything?” (Y/N) echoed in disbelief. “Korra, I-” 

“Relax,” She said as the woman put together their orders. “You and I will share and the rest is for Naga. She needs to eat lunch, too.” Korra rubbed Naga in between her ears. 

Once they had been given their food, Korra took (Y/N) to the park, where they ate on the riverbank. It was less cold than it was yesterday but (Y/N’s) Air Acolyte clothes helped keep her warm. She received many weird looks as people walked past them. 

“Do I have something on my face?” She asked. “Why does everyone keep looking at me?” 

“Oh,” Korra said, her mouth full of kabob. “Air Acolytes don’t usually leave Air Temple Island. And they don’t eat meat.” (Y/N) gulped. 

“I feel like I’m being blasphemous,” And while she wasn’t really joking, she made Korra laugh anyway. “Thanks for getting all of this food, by the way. I’ll find some way to pay you back in the future.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Korra said with a shrug. “Focus on getting your memories back.” 

“I wish it were that easy. Like, if I could just shut my eyes really hard and boom! My memories would return.” She looked at Korra, her eyes dazzling with an idea. “I know Kya said you can’t tell me anything shocking, but what if...what if you told me some of the small stuff? Like when my birthday was?” 

“I don’t really know things like that,” Korra admitted as she reached for a piece of food and tossed it to Naga. “I really just know about the stuff Mako has told me.” 

“Right, Mako,” (Y/N) mumbled. “My biggest fan.” 

“He’s just protective over Bolin, that’s all.” 

“Everyone keeps talking about Bolin when it comes to me. That’s the guy that was there the other night, right? Who is he?” Korra bit her bottom lip. She knew she had said too much. “Korra, please?” 

“Bolin was...your boyfriend.” 

“Was my boyfriend,” (Y/N) repeated. “As in past tense?” 

“Past tense is a pretty big part of it.” (Y/N) nodded. 

“Okay. I won’t ask you any more about it, I promise. Thank you for telling me.” But when she looked back down at her food, Korra could tell that she wasn’t thankful. The only thing her explanation had offered was more confusion, and she felt incredibly guilty. Guilty over going against Kya and Tenzin’s wishes and telling (Y/N) about Bolin, and guilty over not being able to give (Y/N) the truth. She was completely lost in the world: she deserved answers. 

“Maybe...maybe if we don’t tell you anything, but show you instead, we can get your memories back.” 

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” 

“What if we took you to places that had a big impact on your life and just see how you react to being there?” (Y/N) nodded excitedly. 

“I’ll try anything.” 

“Alright. But first we have to get Mako and Bolin on board.” 

---

Tag List

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[finch-the-fungi]

ERROR 404

Chapter 1 [REWRITE] : Problem Detected

AO3 link: HERE

FIRST | NEXT

Fandom: Psychonauts Pairings: None Rating: M (due to mental health themes) Summary: The psychic Seven finally get to catch up after two weeks recovery from the whole Maligula and Gristol incident. It should be a time of healing but it seems like something might still need fixing...

A multi-chapter fanfiction based around @aquato-family-circus 's "Otto's Brain DLC". Because I need more content with the Science Grandpa. Strap in kids, it's gonna be a bumpy ride with lots of bad coping mechanisms and mindscape shenanigans.

Things were slowly going back to the way they used to be at the Gulch; it was as if they had just time travelled back to where they had left off before the whole maligula business. Of course, there was still some tensions and underlying trauma from the whole situation and they'd never be completely the same as they were but they were learning to accept that and move on together.

Cassie and Compton were discussing the expansion of their honey empire, excited by the prospect of not only clearing out their overstocks leading up to Cassie's house, but also providing a green and steady supply of funding to the Motherlobe. Needless to say, this was a business proposition Hollis was watching with interest. Any way they could get funding into the Motherlobe that wasn't illegal or immoral was a win in her books.

At the same time, Lucy was showing Ford the Aquato family albums, pointing out all of her grandchildren and reminiscing over their exciting and more-often-than-not life-threatening adventures across the country on their tour routes. With the faked water curse, they had been confined to touring Eagle Land and learning a new kind of Circus routine to the one they were accustomed to. But the Aquatos were a resilient family, clearly demonstrated by the latest Junior Psychonaut.  

Helmut had finally been freed from Gristol's body and had his own little brain-ball so he could move around and communicate with others. Lucy had even knitted him a little helmet beanie to wear in the tank which both he and his husband adored. They often found themselves having to make light of the situation; Bob enjoying being the big spoon for a change and Helmut enjoying being carried around by his lover. Not that Bob didn't try to do so when he did have a body. Both of them had to adapt but it was better than him being in that Deluginist's body or worse -

"So, how is the sensory stimulation going Helmut? Razputin was telling us all about how crazy the Feast of the Senses was. The process of regaining feelings and senses must have been fascinating to behold -" Otto saw the looks he was getting and cleared his throat. "That is to say... I wish I could have seen it in person. Have there been any negative effects though?"

"Uhm, some abandonment issues, and Panic Attacks that were not fun before the whole losing my brain thing. Also apparently I now have PTSD which is very interesting and not in a fun way at all. At least I've got Bobby here to help me through it... and therapy sessions courtesy of Truman. It'll take a while to get used to handling all of it but the doctors are optimistic. I'm just glad I'm able to recall things again and am no longer in the dark..."

Helmut looked to Bob at that, the gardner rubbing over his casing tenderly as he clutched him close to him with a soft sigh.

"That reminds me," Otto added after a moment's pondering, "You never did tell me where your brain had been located. Where did Raz find your brain? Me and Ford couldn't find your body let alone your brain and then suddenly this ten year old - albeit an exemplary one - just appears with you in tow out of the blue."

It was then an awkward silence befell the room, Helmut would have been glancing to Bob at that moment if he had his body. The recovering acoholic  had a tense jaw and a slightly tighter grip on his case, Helmut having to use TK to ease him.

"He found it in your lab... In Unprocessed Minds Otto. Heptadome Harry, really? I thought I at least could have got a cooler name than that..."

Helmut tried to make light of the reveal to their friend but he could see several emotions seem to cross the inventor's face before it settled into an awkward smile that made him just a little uneasy.

"Ah, I see... Egg on my face, I really haven't been great at keeping up to date with my filing it seems. For the past 20 years, no less! Hehe, no matter, I'll be able to rectify that easily now I know... I'll go do that right now - Best I do so before I forget again, right?"

He chuckled but it sounded humourless as he turned on his heel, leaving Bob and Helmut to stare after him with concern and, on Bob's part, irritation.

"Egg on my face? It's more serious than that. Sometimes, I worry he doesn't realise he is dealing with actual people's minds and not just... figments or constructs. I don't blame him for not looking into your mind if he believed you to be another dead brain but he could be a little less of a machine when it comes to admitting a mistake he made. "

He stroked over Helmut's dome with a huff, but the brain seemed pre-occupied.

"Do you... think he's okay? He seems really... withdrawn. Not at all like himself."

"Otto's always been more into workshopping and over-engineering than crowd-pleasing. He works best in the back of his lab away from people so his natural state is withdrawn. He's just... like that." Ford shrugged, "At least that's how he was in College."

Helmut hummed, looking towards the walkway Otto had taken back through the Forgetful Forest. He wondered if that really was the case - or if Otto was troubled by something and just not opening up to them about it...

“I hope you’re right…”

[beneaththetangles]

Shoujo and the Bride of Christ (II)

FRIAR LAURENCE I’ll give thee armour to keep off that word: Adversity’s sweet milk, philosophy, To comfort thee, though thou art banished. ROMEO Yet ‘banished’? Hang up philosophy! Unless philosophy can make a Juliet…

Well, yeah, that’s how it usually goes. Were I Fr. Laurence, I’d probably have gone for something more like, “Go play some Renaissance baseball analogue to exhaustion, sleep well, and let’s speak of this again tomorrow.” And yet, I think the poor friar has a point here. Because romantic love between man and woman is not only a life-changing discovery and a call to fight the good fight, but also, unavoidably, something of a comedy of errors, misunderstandings, and absurdities, some of that would benefit from some reflection and wisdom, especially taking into account that, given the centrality of love and its signs in human life, the errors may very well turn the comedy into a tragedy (which, as a matter of fact… but no spoilers).

I fondly remember my first date of sorts, during my Freshman year at university. It was a great time, I deeply cared about the girl, and I´ll always pray for her, wherever she is. But, you may have noticed the “of sorts” part. Man, it is amazing how two human beings can interpret the same set of facts so differently. You miss the signs, and in retrospect, suddenly, it is obvious. Not everything is as meant to be as it seemed. Ahem. Where was I. My point was that hope, self-deception, wild assumptions, strikingly different understandings of what is happening, rose-colored or black-colored glasses, dubious rationalizations or whirlwind rides from the summit to the pits of desperation are part of the experience of being in love, and may take us to absurd, or dangerous, or hurtful, or simply unhelpful paths. And there are some things we can prevent, too, if, without losing the hopeful, fiery, courageous impulse, we learn from our experiences, and try to discern carefully.

In the fallen world, we need this kind of armor, even if we also need to avoid become trapped in them. It may not be sweet milk, but we may need some of adversity’s Georgia MAX Coffee. To set our hearts ablaze, and yet think and decide carefully, soberly, set of being kind and just. We need a sense of humor, and a willingness to correct course. We need patience, to interpret what is happening rightly, to differentiate between truth and hope without rejecting either, to accept the less glamorous aspects of loving someone. Reflection certainly cannot make a Juliet, but may help me, well, knowing, courting and loving the real Juliet, and not just the one in my head.

In my last article, I mentioned how anime has a gift for vivid personal worlds which leads to great depictions of the discovery of romantic love. It also has a natural tendency towards introspection and flashbacks (slow motion means there is less drawing to do, while flashbacks sometimes mean that you can reuse some takes, or so I have heard). But from these technical conveniences, it has gone far beyond, and developed a remarkable artistic tradition of adding layers to the past and the present.

And so, you have many great stories in which you see again what you once saw, and everything falls into place. Tragedies and comedies alike rely on this tools, and so we have tricky stories of love, heroism, mysteries and fate like Madoka and Erased, Oregairu, Fate Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works and Mawaru Penguindrum, Haruhi (like the protagonist, I just can’t escape Haruhi) or Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Teasing Master Takagi-san and Princess Tutu.

In the shoujo genre, this tradition is just as strong. Reminiscence, interpretation, doubt, memories, hopes, the past, are often put to great use. So, let’s go on with my crazy (but St. Paul-sponsored) idea that the depiction of human love between man and woman, as well as a profound mystery, illustrates the relationship between Christ and the Church. What if I were to say that the illusions of love and their comical and tragic consequences are also helpful there? Once again, please bear with me.

Tohru Honda, and the Ugliness in the House of the Twelve

Just as compelling, super-strong warrior maidens, childhood friends in love since forever and ice queens who happen to be all interested in the same regular-looking, not-especially-popular guy are far more common in anime than the average high school, shoujo has its own wishful tropes. Rose-colored ambiences, Cinderella stories, roses framing the scenes, golden bubbles, and legions of strikingly good-looking characters with secret pains that only the protagonist can heal are among them. Fruits Basket (2001) takes some of this approach to the extreme. As a child, Tohru Honda would weep when the cat of a fable her mother told her was excluded by the twelve animals of the Chinese Zodiac. She was the same, as other kids at school excluded her, telling her that she was the onigiri (rice ball) in their fruits basket game, and letting her wait in vain to be called like the rest.

Since then, she has grown into an ever-optimistic, hard-working, generous, and extremely kind girl. Her mother has recently died, and, not wanting to bother anyone, she now lives…in a tent near a river. She cooks for herself, goes to school everyday, and works part-time in the evenings. But, when her place collapses during a storm, the elegant but distant school ice prince, Yuki Sohma, who lives with his older (yet also good-looking) cousin Shigure, takes her to his home. Soon, a loud, messy, athletic, troubled (and… yeah) cousin of Yuki and Tohru’s age called Kyo comes to live with them. As it happens, the family is cursed: They are the incarnations of animals of the Chinese Zodiac, and transform into animals when they are hold by someone (non-cursed) of the opposite sex. Learning of Tohru’s extraordinary circumstances, they offer her the job of housekeeper. And so it begins.

So, as you can see, not so much MAX Coffee so far. In the episodes that follow, Tohru increasingly becomes the loving, beating heart of the cursed Sohma family, able to help healing their wounds with her kindness, honesty and simple commitment. Everyone, or almost, is enchanted. It is a bit excessive. Honestly, I had to endure some parts of the story. And yet, why do I like it so? The answer is that, despite all the sometimes far-fetched circumstances, Tohru’s kindness is genuine. And I will never disdain genuine kindness, or laugh at it. And it did pay off. I won’t be too specific, but it did. “I have described it” says our Sensei of the entire Fruits Basket manga “as a giant wave of blessing, crashing on and overtaking one person after another after another in ever widening circles, all thanks to an unseen and unacknowledged God who also breaks real curses in real human lives.”

The Church of Christ, the prophesied new Covenant, is also like that. It’s the ultimate Cinderella story. Each of us Christians has been chosen by Christ. He has brought us home to a love like no other, to words of eternal life, to true communion, to forgiveness, to the Bread of Life, to miracles and wonders. To the key truths that the truly simple and the truly wise perceive. To true hope, to a love our deepest being is thirsty for, that transforms and solidifies us, that makes us ourselves. Open to those we love, too, and to everyone in this world. The joys in my life in Christ are unlike any others I have experienced. And that light, that goodness, are very real. But from there, precisely because it is so powerful, it’s easy to get things wrong. The Apostles imagined themselves reigning in a political Kingdom of Israel. St. Joan D’Arc thought she would return home to Domrémy. Lovers say that everything will be Eden now that they have each other. I may conclude that something is a date.

Tohru is a very optimistic character, and a very hopeful girl. But those are not always the same. While she feels blessed and fights her daily battles, both the evil and the good around her are beyond her understanding. When Israel, freely chosen by God, became a powerful nation free from its slavery in Egypt, completed its Exodus, sealed its alliance with God, conquered the Promised Land promised to Abraham and eventually became a great kingdom with a temple, everything seemed right. God walked with them, fought for them, was present. The Law described true goodness, in opposition to the idolatry, ignorance and self-enclosement of the Pagan world. There were miracles. But the real, deeper danger was there, mostly unbeknownst to them. So the Lord sent them inspired prophets, to awake them, to make them able to discern, to provide them with the right interpretation.

And then, He sent them His own Son, and He gave testimony to the truth, and was rejected and killed. And so the true darkness of Israel and the entire human race, the true enemy, came into light in all its ugliness. God tortured. God killed. But He is risen, and He has shown us a way: Himself. This is the story St. John tells us at the beginning of his Gospel. There is a moment (again, I won’t be very explicit) when Tohru’s previous love and kindness are not enough. When her commitment is tested and no one can help. When everything she has experienced, everything she has achieved, is put into question, and she has to acknowledge that she was wrong. When there are no easy answers. When she is forced to confront the genuine ugliness at the heart of the house of Sohma, the cursed monstrosity, the law of this world, without assurance that all will be well. It is the time to listen with faith. To embrace Christ in the Cross, and walk beyond anything we can see.

You may have heard the story of Emmaus. After the Crucifixion, two disciples walked away. Everything had collapsed. They had seen miracles and walked with Christ, but now their hope was dead. That is our Tohru, too. But a stranger walked with them, and asked them what had happened. They explained. And the stranger said: “O foolish ones, how slow are your hearts to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Was it not necessary for the Christ to suffer these things and then to enter His glory?” It was. “And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, He explained to them what was written in all the Scriptures about Himself.” “Were not our hearts burning within us as He spoke with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” Tohru’s Gethsemane experience was also necessary, and, for me, it was also the high point of the series. The character invested with a prophetic role also pointed her the way. And what happens in that place of darkness is believable, human, moving. Helpful.

From there, Tohru will be fruitful in a new world, because she can love in a way that can truly break the unmoving iron structure of her world. New possibilities of love are open. Being in the dream house of Sohma was not enough. For the Israelites, reaching the Promised Land was not enough. For a man and a woman in love, the moment of confession and corresponded feelings is not enough. For us, entering the Church, a personal bond with Christ, is not enough. We have also to experience, to witness, that whatever is born of God overcomes the world. That is our hope. From Pentecost to our days, Christ’s Church is prophetic, partaking in His mission as the teacher of true hope and true love. “He who hears you hears Me, he who rejects you rejects Me, and he who rejects Me rejects Him who sent Me.” She teaches us, warns us, reveals us the true meaning of what is happening, if we continue to listen, if we are humble, if we remain disciples.

How may this discipleship look in our lives? Tohru has many teachers. As the disciples of the first hour, we have the Gospel. In Emmaus, Christ pointed us to all the Scriptures. Also, the Catholic understanding is that, just as in Pentecost the inspired Apostle Peter stood up with the Eleven and proclaimed to the crowd the true meaning of what has happened, he being the spokesman, so their respective successors are invested with the charism in their announce and teaching, the Bishops in union with Peter. To them, it was said, “I have many more things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth.” I do believe that, from Pentecost and on, it has continued to be so. Also, Tohru had Saki, and Paul and the Acts tell us about prophets in the Church, and of ways to distinguish the true from the false. As the Spirit also lives in us, we have the signs, inspirations, even miracles, we may come to receive in our own prayer life. And lastly, we have a mind, created by God. We can reflect, taking all the above into account. And, as Tohru, the Bride of Christ, ears open, will learn how to be the Bride of Christ. I will. So I hope.

Only God knows what will happen in our lives, or why. Loving makes us both strong and vulnerable. We can be tempted, scandalized and hurt, sometimes terribly, even in the Church, by our teachers, brothers and sisters. We may discover we have hurt them terribly. In the course of life, we may suffer blows we didn’t expect. Our sins, our wounds, may overcome us. We may enter periods of spiritual darkness, or of depression. Signs may disappear. Everything may seem to collapse. But it is not over. The fight to truly love, to be ourselves in Christ, goes on. We will need to be vigilant, to check our assumptions, to be open to be corrected by God through the teachings of His Church. Because we need an armor.

“Finally,” St. Paul says to the Church, “be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” Fight with courage, Honda-san, and remain open. A deeper love, a new world, a path of salvation, lie ahead.

Yeah, I know I should watch the 2019 remake and read the manga. I will, eventually. No Divine Comedy for now, but it is near. And, as you may or may not know, the lady at the top is Mademoiselle de Jarjeyes, protagonist of another iconic shoujo, which is… not coincidental! Until the next time, stay strong, and Happy Easter.

=====

Fruits Basket (2001) can be streamed at Funimation, Crunchyroll and Amazon Prime Video.

[elaboratedbee]

Bigby x Reader

Pairing: Bigby Wolf x Reader (i changed this to be gender neutral!)

Summary: bigby deals with his rapidly growing feelings for the new Fable that moved into the apartment above his, a nymph. (alternatively, you give bigby flowers)

Rating: E (hella fluff)

Word Count: 4208 (idk how it got long it just did i’m so sorry)

Note: hey guys, this is my second imagine! :) I just love this wolfman rn and I literally cannot wait until s2! i’m a new blog so pls feel free to interact, or request something, bc corona has given me hella free time ;)

You Belong Among The Flowers

You

As you set down the last box in your new apartment, you let a sense of accomplishment wash over you. It hadn’t been easy to save enough money to afford an apartment in the Woodlands, but you worked hard managing your business, growing flowers and owning a florist as well as growing fruit and vegetables which you sold to the grocery stores in Fabletown. When Snow had informed you of the two new apartments that had become available, you couldn’t help but fall in love with the idea. The place you were living before was a little sketchy (read: it was a total shithole, and you were definitely close to getting stabbed on several occasions). 

This way, you would be closer to the allotments you had managed to buy right at the edge of Fabletown, closer to Snow who you had thoroughly enjoyed getting to know during the first couple of months of her deputy mayorship, and it was a hell of a lot safer. The Woodlands had the extra insurance of being the home of the big, bad wolf. Fabletown harboured some pretty stupid criminals, but there weren’t many people stupid enough to target the apartments across the hall from the Sheriff. 

The place needed some life in it, as soon as was possible, however. The stark and empty room made you uncomfortable, and as soon as you set your first fern down on one of the shelves, you immediately felt better. The best part about the place, which really convinced you to part with most of your savings, was the balcony. You couldn’t wait to have it bright with life, a practical jungle on your doorstep. A flower nymph with no flowers was not a happy being, so that was the first thing you got to work on, planting your seeds and setting out your pots. 

It was already falling dark by the time you were done, but you were more than content to spend the night on a mattress in the middle of the floor now that you were surrounded by, at least the beginnings of, a flower garden. 

Bigby

By the time Bigby reached his cramped, little apartment in the evening, it was usually long after darkness had fallen over Fabletown. As he turned the key in the stiff lock, a sigh escaped his lips. He’d been tracking a car thief all day and had not been successful. The detective hated going home with a case hanging over him; there was no way he would be able to get any real sleep while all of his thoughts and theories were racing through his head. 

Bigby opened the door, dim yellow light from the hallway seeping into the room. The lingering smell of smoke from his Huff and Puffs and the scent of whiskey hit his nose even harder once the door was opened, and even he grimaced slightly at the smell. He flicked on the light and took his phone off of the ringer, a habit that he’d developed long ago. It was nice to be enveloped in peace and quiet in the evening. It was the way he liked it, he told himself. Somewhere in the very back of his mind, he knew that he really made himself unavailable because that way he could pretend that being alone was a conscious decision that he made.

Making his way to the small window in his living space, he opened it in an attempt to allow some fresh (well, as fresh as it got for New York city) air into his apartment. Bigby froze as an unexpected scent was the first to hit him, and he inhaled deeply. It was a floral scent, different kinds of mingling together. Some overpowered the less aromatic ones, but Bigby’s sense of smell was heightened enough that he could pick out each individual smell and he traced it to somewhere above him. The pitch-black darkness outside made it a futile goal to find out where it was coming from, so he simply stood and basked in it, sure that it would be gone in the morning. He assumed that someone in a nearby apartment had received a bouquet of flowers and had left it on their windowsill. It was concerning that they had left their window open, he noted, even the Woodland building wasn’t particularly safe. 

A bittersweet pang of homesickness ran through his body like a shiver, pooling in his chest and making his heartache. Mostly, he avoided thinking about the Homelands, as it always resulted in the sad longing that he was feeling now. But with the scent in his nose so reminiscent of the beautiful woodlands and sprawling idyllic spaces that they had once called home, there was no way he could avoid it now. Once the initial sadness passed, he allowed himself to relax into the sense of security and joy that were stronger than any negative feelings when he thought back to their home and all of its splendour. Although the person, or monster, that Bigby had been back then was a source of regret, he could not deny that he’d do almost anything to trade the dirty, concrete cityscape outside of his window for hills and mountains, forests and rivers. 

For the first time that he could remember, he didn’t reach for a cigarette or a tumbler of whiskey when he sat down in his chair to rest at last. Instead, he inhaled deeply, and let the smell of flowers lull him to a restful sleep. 

When he awoke, he was pleased to find that the pleasant smell persisted, which made him considerably more optimistic about the day ahead. There was one lead that he thought to chase up, but he figured that he ought to fill in Snow on the recent happenings before making his way out. She was much busier now, since the Crooked Man. Things weren’t perfect, he didn’t think they would ever be, but they were certainly better. Snow was making changes, just like she had promised to herself and everyone that she would. When Fables came through the door of the business office, their wishes weren’t always granted, but they were always heard.

Bigby thought that was a step in the right direction. 

After showering and getting dressed, he stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the correct floor. The line for the business office was already fairly long, despite the early hour of the morning and he resolved not to take up too much of Snow’s time. Ignoring the eye rolls and general disgruntlement from the Fables in the hallway as he bypassed the line, he made his way into the office. Snow was busying herself with a stack of papers, looking rather stressed at it all. He didn’t like to see her that way, but he did prefer it to the look of frustration and helplessness that he caught glimpses of when she was working as an assistant. 

Opening his mouth to announce his presence, he promptly closed it as something took him by surprise. On Snow’s desk was a vase of flowers, a big and beautiful bouquet. Proud white roses were peppered with baby's breath, all sitting on a luscious green bed of eucalyptus and hydrangeas. It was perfect, it was if it were an incarnation of Snow herself. He looked at it and realised, at that moment, exactly why people gave each other flowers, he had never had a reason to consider it. 

He must have been staring for a lot longer than it felt like because what finally broke him from his reverie was the sound of Snow’s laughter, soft and musical. Frowning at the sight of her mocking him, he flipped her off, which only made her laugh more. “Who’s the secret admirer?” He inquired, “I’ll need their address too, you know, just in case.” 

Snow glared at him.

“I’m kidding.” Bigby placated her, raising his hands in mock surrender. The smell of this bouquet was different from the one coming through his window, telling him that it was a different set of flowers, but surely the giver of these was also the source of the others. It seemed like far too much of a coincidence, otherwise. 

With a pointed look, Snow said, “you already know it. I told you last week that someone new was moving into the Woodlands! Since Crane is gone, we renovated his hideous penthouse into two new apartments.” Even the mention of his name raised Bigby’s hackles and got his blood boiling, so he could only imagine the disgust that his friend must feel whenever he’s brought up. 

“Right,” Bigby agreed, hazily recalling the conversation that he had definitely not paid his full attention to. It was no wonder that Bigby had missed them moving in, considering that he usually leaves the Woodlands in the early hours of the morning and returns in . . . the early hours of the morning. Yikes.

“I told them about the apartment, so they sent me these as a way to say thanks,” Snow explained, gesturing toward the flowers.

He wondered what their connection was to the flowers, whether they just liked them or whether they were a part of their history, their story. Once again, Bigby opened his mouth only to be interrupted by an inpatient sounding knock on the door. Snow jerked her head towards it before throwing an apologetic smile towards the Sheriff. “I’m sorry, Bigby. I have a lot to do. I should probably get going with these meetings.” 

That was his cue to leave, so the wolf nodded at her and made an exit from the office. He was busy, too, and things were never really peaceful in Fabletown, so it was probably for the best that he got going, but he couldn’t help but wish he had asked for a name.  

He was soon to find out, however, only a couple of days later. Taking a long drag from his cigarette, Bigby used his free hand to open his mailbox. It was more of a tradition at this point, considering he couldn’t actually recall the last time he received a letter in the post that wasn’t a bill. 

An out of tune ding announced the arrival of the elevator but Bigby didn’t turn around, not wanting to invite conversation. He had just placed the car thief into custody, and Snow was going to arrange a trial for tomorrow. The system was much fairer now, more democratic and he liked it that way. Being the final authority on the Crooked Man last time was some heavy stuff, and there was no way to make everyone happy. Now, there was a jury, a real trial, fair sentencing. Fabletown was slowly but surely dragging itself off the ground and trying to become a more just place, a more safe place. If Bigby could do anything to make sure of it, he would. 

Finally looking up, he turned his head to see which of his neighbours had joined him at the letterbox. It was you.

He almost choked on the cigarette in his mouth as he regarded you, and when he took it out and crushed it underfoot, he could smell you, too. Without the overpowering scent of smoke under his nose, the floral scent that he had been succumbing to every night since the first overtook him and he felt a strange constriction in his chest.

You were beautiful, ethereal, but in a much different way than he could usually describe. It was the quirk of your mouth as you offered him a grin and the glint behind your eyes that suggested you were laughing at your own joke internally. “Sheriff.” You addressed him by his formal title and Bigby was torn. He wanted to hear you say it again, over and over. Sherriff. You said it with respect, with admiration even. It wasn’t an insult, a sarcasm, unlike when most of the Fables addressed him with his title. But he also wanted to hear you say his name. It was this desire that returned his ability to speak.

“Call me, Bigby.” 

You closed your mailbox, holding your letters in your hand and smiled wider, introducing yourseld in return.

“I’ll see you around, Bigby.” 

You were walking away, and Bigby, for the first time, was struck with the desire to stop you, make you stay, talk just a little longer. 

“I, uh, I like the flowers.” He managed to growl out. You looked a little taken aback at his tone and he cursed himself, but you recovered and offered him yet another smile. He noted how you gave them out like it cost nothing. 

“Oh, Snow’s?” You prompted him for more information. 

“Yeah, and I can,” he made a vague gesture towards his face, “smell the ones you have in the windowsill. From my apartment.” 

Your eyebrows raised a fraction in surprise, and he felt a weird sense of pride. What the fuck is wrong with you? He thought to himself. 

“Really? I’ll keep them there,” you were so sincere, you made such a simple comment sound like a promise. He nodded, unable to think of yet another reason to delay you and altogether confused about why he was freaking out the way that he was. You stepped into the elevator and was gone. 

You

You stepped off of the elevator and into your apartment, placing the letters down onto a table. The place wasn’t huge but you had made the best of it. The walls had a fresh coat of white paint, making the place seem more open and bright, the furniture was simple, mainly second hand, but it fits. Best of all, your beloved balcony. You guessed that’s what the Sheriff had confused for the flowers on your window-sill.

Great, leafy ferns and potted plants adorned your apartment all over, but the balcony was the centre of it all, and it was only just beginning. You had planted all manner of things, and you were only getting started. Due to your being a  flower nymph, they grew faster, strong and healthy, and the seeds that you planted mere days ago were beginning to form buds, and even open up. The scent was sweeter. The plants were happier, but you couldn’t really explain that sort of thing to another Fable. They would laugh at the notion, but you could feel it.

Moving to the city had been hard for you, really hard. The nymphs were the caretakers of the homelands, the trees, rivers, lakes and plants. The animals, too, even if they didn’t always know it. To have it ripped away was more painful than anything else you could have experienced. It wasn’t just a home that had been taken from you, it was a part of yourself that had been left behind. 

Your mind drifted to your recent interaction as you watered them with care, and you felt your heart rate pick up when you thought of the Sheriff. He was tired, you could tell, but he seemed kind enough. It was a common mistake that nymphs only took care of the plants in the forest, when really they guarded the animals, too. It gave you more of a read on the beastially inclined residents, and you could almost feel the weight on Bigby’s shoulders as you stood next to him. 

I like the flowers. 

The compliment played over in your mind. It had taken you by surprise, considering what all of the other residents had told you about the big, bad wolf. You trusted Snow’s word above the others when she told you about him, that he was a man that wanted to change, had changed. He wanted to make this place better, she had told you, just like her. But even Snow had grumbled to you a few times about how stubborn, how hot-headed and how harsh he could be. 

Over the next couple of days, he was stuck on your mind. You paid far more attention to the coming and going of the wolf than before, realising for the first time that he was rarely home at all. Could this really be the same man that everyone complained about downtown? The one that Fables still questioned as to whether or not he really cared at all? Every time you passed him, you sensed his exhaustion, his frustration. His loneliness. But there was something else when you passed him, too. This little spark of joy and excitement. You knew it must be the scent of the flowers, what else could it be? He had already remarked on it.

Deciding enough was enough, you went about making him the perfect bouquet. 

Throughout the week, you worked on your gift. You arranged it untraditionally in a long, thin wooden box which was overflowing with greenery. Succulents and hydrangeas were scattered amongst them like stars in the night sky. Wild berries shone like jewels, clinging to their stems. Most importantly, bright white lily of the valleys hung like bells. You picked them because of their sweet scent, hoping that the wolf would enjoy them. They were common in the homelands, and you wondered if it would remind him of the place. 

Finally satisfied, you picked up the arrangement late one evening and stepped into the elevator. Am I being crazy? You thought to yourself as your grip on the box tightened. You just thought that all of the things the Sheriff did for Fabletown deserved a little recognition. It was the least you could do say thanks, right? 

Arriving at the correct floor, you took a deep breath before knocking on Bigby’s door. It was a little late for a house call, you realised, but he wasn’t home at any other hour. The wolf opened the door, scowling until he saw you. Confusion replaced the general displeasure on his face until he noted what was in your hands. “Oh,” his voice was full of realisation, “I can hand those to Snow if you want, but if you just wait until tomorrow, she’ll be back in her office,” he explained to you. 

What? You realised quickly that he thought the flowers were meant for Snow and you shook your head, a little saddened that he didn’t even think that they could be for him. 

“Actually, Sheriff, they’re for you. For your windowsill.” 

The man’s face went completely blank while he processed the information, which was kind of scary. The guy really didn’t give anything away. 

“For me?” He repeated, sounding almost suspicious as he raised his hand to his mouth and removed his cigarette, seemingly wanting to inhale the flowers instead.

“Yep.” You assured him firmly, “you said you liked the scent of them so I thought you might like some of your own.” With your words, the energy of the wolf changed. The exhaustion and anger faded substantially and he finally seemed warm, almost as happy as your flowers. You seized the opportunity. “You mind if I come in? I can tell you about watering them and stuff.”

Bigby failed to hide his face a little more this time, a hand coming up to rub the back of his neck in embarrassment. “I don’t have anything to offer you, and the place is a real shithole.” He warned you. 

“I didn’t come for anything, I just want to bring you these,” you answer and he relents, stepping backwards and opening the door to allow you in. You expected the smell of cigarettes to be worse, but he had an open window that seemed to be helping with that. You set the flowers down on the windowsill and turned to face him. He was closer than you had expected, and a blush broke out onto your cheeks at the proximity of the wolf to you. You are overwhelmed with the desire to step even closer, but you stay put. The man was already freaked out, he didn’t need your crush to make it any worse.

“Why?” He seemed reluctant to ask like he had been trying to answer the question himself but just couldn’t figure out the answer.

“To say thank you. You do a lot for us, especially those of us who live in The Woodlands. I think of how much safer this place is just because you live here. And you said you liked them.”

“I don’t exactly do anything other than be the Big, Bad Wolf.” He points out, and you catch a cutting undertone to his argument.

“Bullshit.” He seems surprised at your choice of words and raises an amused eyebrow at you. “You get up at the crack of dawn and you get home little before then, sometimes not at all. You single-handedly protect all of the Fables in this town. You deserve a hundred flowers.” You pointed this all out casually, shrugging your shoulders but Bigby looks deeply uncomfortable. You wondered why he was so tense as you pointed out all he does. 

You wondered if anybody does.

Bigby

He thought that if you come any closer to him then he won’t be able to stop himself from kissing you. He also thought that he can’t move away. 

The scent of the flowers, your scent, was making him feel almost dizzy. It was hard to believe that you were in his apartment, that you brought him flowers. You brought him flowers, you brought him flowers, you brought him flowers. Ever since they spoke, such a small, meaningless conversation, he hadn’t been able to get you off his mind. Sure that you had forgotten it by the next day, he felt like such an idiot replaying it in his mind before he could fall asleep at night. 

But you hadn’t. You had remembered what he said and brought him flowers. 

“Thank you.” He realised he hadn’t even said that yet, and he turned away to admire them, and so that he didn’t have to look at you anymore. Clenching his jaw, he implored himself not to ruin this already, to just control himself, like he had with Snow once upon a time. But this time, it seemed impossible.

Then, you touched his arm. 

He was so acutely aware of your hand on his skin the whole time that it was there that he could barely hear what you were saying. All of the nice things you were saying about him, falling on deaf ears. God, he felt pathetic. Was that really all it took to turn him stupid? One compliment, one touch.

He hadn’t been touched in a while, though. Not like this. By someone who wasn’t trying to hurt him, or calm him down. Not by someone who just wanted to be close to him. 

Fuck it, he thought, and stepped closer, leaning into your touch. There were inches between you now. 

You

All of a sudden, he was in front of you. His skin was warm to your touch, and his eyes were simmering with something. You think back over the last couple of days. The way you had watched him, the way you’d thought of him. How you had spent hours finding the perfect flowers, arranging them just so. That wasn’t gratitude or friendly admiration and you knew it. You wondered if he knew it.

You looked up and met his eyes, they were almost gold now that you were close, more than brown. That’s the last thing you remember thinking before you weren’t thinking anything, but feeling the wolf’s mouth on yours. His hand comes up to cup your face, holding you close and the other hand moves to your waist. It’s needy, and almost desperate as the both of you simply give in to whatever desire you were pushing back. 

His face was rough, and you delighted in the coarseness of his hands, a shiver running through your body. He invaded all of your senses, occupies all of you for the minutes, or hours that the two of you are interlocked. The sharpness of his teeth on your bottom lip, gone as quickly as it came prompted you to gasp ever so slightly, allowing his tongue passage into your mouth. When you finally pulled away, air a terrible, evil necessity to you now, you dared to open your eyes and reassure yourself that you weren’t dreaming. Bigby was still pressed up against you, his eyes a brighter gold than they had been before and his breathing urgent.

“I like the flowers,” he chokes out, “I really, really like the - “

You cut him off by grabbing him by the tie and pulling him down towards you once again, rolling your eyes slightly at how awkward he was. You’d figure it out. Kissing him breathless, you finally released him and met his eyes. “I like you too, Bigby.” 

The wolf shared a genuine smile with you, one that reached all the way up to his eyes and flashed his sharp incisors. You wanted to see it again, a million times.

You were going to need more flowers. 

[jbbarnesnnoble]

epiphany

Summary:  A mission goes south and leaves you in a precarious situation

Features/Warnings: Angst; Major injury to reader

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanoff/Reader

Background Pairings: Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson

Notes: based on ‘epiphany’ by Taylor Swift. Words in bold at the end are directly from the song.

Word Count: 1489

He was back on the battlefield, the sound of gunfire around him. But he wasn’t there. Not really. He was brought back to those terrifying moments. Before the Howling Commandos. Before he was taken by Hydra the first time. Holding another soldier in his dying moments, as he cried out for someone who wouldn’t be coming. 

He heard her scream. You were all trained for this. All fighters. All knew the risks. But that scream. That scream cut him to the core, a sound that shattered him to pieces. Natasha knelt over you, a panic he’d never seen before. The threat was gone, but you teetered on the edge because of it. 

He could hear the buzzing of the others in the comms but they were background noise as he focused in on you and Natasha, the image in front of him reminiscent of his days on the battlefield during the war. But this wasn’t the war, and you were more than a fellow soldier. You were one of the loves of his life. One of the people he couldn’t stand to lose. Not like this. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts when the arms wrapped around him pulled tighter as sobs tore through her body. Natasha was the definition of composure. But for now, he had to hold it together for the both of them as she fell apart in his arms. There had been no time to return to the compound. The nearest hospital was where they’d had to take you, rushing you away in the blink of an eye.

They had been waiting for your arrival. As soon as they had you in their care, worried chatter broke out. 

“Doc, we gotta move,” someone said. Bucky and Nat stood at the doors as they watched you be rushed off, blood covering both of them. Once the shock of seeing two Avengers in the ER wore off, a nurse escorted them to where they could wait for an update. It took everything in him not to try to rush after you. 

“She’ll be okay,” Bucky whispered, running a hand through Natasha’s hair. He had to believe. Thinking anything else was not an option. 

“What if she’s not?” Natasha asked, her voice soft, in a tone Bucky had never heard before. 

“She will be. She’s a fighter, through and through,” Bucky told her. 

There were three bullets. Three bullets they had to deal with and blood loss. Time lost in transport. Doctor Lannagan was far from optimistic. Not when the patient in question had a healing factor and was still knocking on death’s door from her injuries. But she knew if anyone was going to survive, it would be an Avenger, it would be you. 

“Doc?” one of the nurses asked.

“Keep the pressure on. We’re not losing her,” Dr. Lannagan told her. She had crashed once already on the table, brought back by the sheer determination of the team Dr. Lannagan had. No one wanted to be the person who didn’t save the Avenger who was viewed as America’s Sweetheart. 

Time felt like it had stopped. Steve sat opposite them, keeping the team in New York updated, doing what he could to keep them from storming to Texas. Natasha had cried herself to sleep in Bucky’s lap. Vulnerability was never something Natasha showed easily. She had only been out twenty minutes when she jerked awake, fresh tears streaming down her face. 

“We lost her. And there was nothing we could do,” Natasha whispered in a broken tone.

“They won’t let us lose her, Tasha,” he said, kissing the top of her head. Steve looked away from the couple. It could have easily been Sam in the position you were in, something Steve didn’t want to think about. It was easy to forget sometimes that you were all just human. Breakable. Like glass shattering on the ground, into millions of tiny pieces. 

“I wish I could be that optimistic,” she said.

“I’ll just have to be optimistic for the both of us,” he told her. It seemed like ages before a doctor entered the room. The three occupants glanced up when the door opened. Dr. Lannagan looked at the three Avengers. She hated this part of the job, talking to the families, unless it was good news.

“Doctor?” Steve asked. 

“She’s out of surgery, but not out of the woods. Even with her healing factor, infection is a real possibility. We have her in the ICU at the moment. We won’t be able to fully evaluate her head injury until she wakes up,” Dr. Lannagan explained. Natasha picked her head up.

“But she will wake up,” Natasha said. Dr. Lannagan gave her a somber look. 

“We don’t know. It’s a waiting game. Normally we’d say only two at a time, but these aren’t normal circumstances,” the doctor said.

“It’s alright. I should update the team. You two go see her,” Steve said to the pair. Hand in hand, Natasha and Bucky followed the doctor to your room. 

It took a lot to make Bucky feel like the ground was falling out from under him. Seeing you in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines and looking so small, made him feel like his world was caving in.

“She’ll be okay. She has to be,” Natasha said, pulling a chair up beside you. They stayed by your side until Steve made them leave to go shower. Sam had shown up to make sure all three of them did. Guilt was weighing on them all. The five of them had been the ones on the mission. They had missed one agent and it had nearly cost you your life. 

“You’re a fighter kid. You’ll pull through,” Sam said.

He wasn’t surprised when less than an hour later Bucky and Natasha had returned. Steve had texted him that the rest of the team was en route, despite his protests. Sam knew there was no keeping the others away, not when one of their own was so injured. 

They took turns sitting with you, Bucky, and Natasha once the others arrived in town. Someone was always posted at the door to your room, a protective vigil of sorts. 

Natasha watched the rise and fall of your chest. One saving grace was you were breathing on your own. She wasn’t sure she could handle it if you weren’t. You were bandaged up still, your wounds healing slowly as your body worked to fix what was broken. The healing factor you had could only do so much. 

You were situated between Bucky and Natasha. It was your preferred arrangement. Between the three of you, you were the newest to the life of being an Avenger, of defending Earth. They had years of training on you, and they liked you to sleep between you, in the unlikely event that they would need to protect you in the night. You didn’t fight them on it. It was endearing. 

Bucky had gotten up for his run an hour prior. You were still out cold, snuggling into his abandoned pillow. Natasha smiled as she watched you sleep, before pulling you close, the sound of your breathing lulling her back to sleep until your alarm went off an hour later, the smell of breakfast wafting into the bedroom. It was one of the things Bucky loved, making breakfast for his girls. Some days he’d do simple eggs and toast, other days he’d make some kind of elaborate breakfast he’d been wanting to try. 

“Come on starling, time to get up,” Natasha said as she shut the alarm off. You let out a whine as she laughed, pulling you up so you were sitting.

“But Nat, I don’t wanna get out of bed,” you whined. She kissed the top of your head.

“Bucky made breakfast, and it smells like he made your favorite. But if you’d rather we ate it all without you,” Natasha said her voice trailing. You scrambled out of bed and out the door. Natasha smiled as she watched you trip over yourself. She loved mornings like this. More importantly, she loved you. 

It took three days for you to wake up. You had been in and out for those three days, barely coherent enough to speak. You’d hear Natasha or Bucky and try to say ‘I love you’ but the words were muddled.

When you did wake up, the first thing you registered was the pain, as you tried to recall what happened. You remembered being on a mission, but not what happened next. 

“You got shot, doll,” Bucky said. That explained the pain.

“How bad was it?” you asked. Natasha was rubbing her thumb in a soothing circle on the back of your hand.

“Pretty bad, starling,” she said, a quiver to her voice. The three of you sat in silence for a time, savoring the moment of being together, of you being okay. 

With you I serve

With you I fall down, down

Watch you breath in

Watch you breathing out

[ikritique]

Japan Sinks 2020: An Anime Review

I’ve watched a lot of natural disaster movies. Some kind of pseudo-scientific explanation is given to explain a singular or series of natural disasters. High stakes and equally high tension are involved, especially when the movie stars a host of characters you find yourself rooting for at least one of them. In the end, our group finds themselves on tentative safety, with hopes of a future awaiting them. This 10-episode anime hit all of these checkpoints, oft considered formulaic. Yet, why am I still reeling from this roller coaster with no brakes? Today, we will be discussing the July 2020 Netflix release of the anime “Japan Sinks 2020”.

Due to a shift in the tectonic plates, the entire archipelago of Japan begins to break down and sink into the Pacific Ocean. The anime follows on a half Filipino-half Japanese family along with a group of other individuals as they try to stay alive, in the process finding out more about the phenomenon occurring. Overall, it’s nothing too out of the box. It had an interesting beginning, a little too fast paced. The arc in the middle fell flat, building up expectations of something sinister going on but there’s no pay off for it. The ending arc was the most rewarding, complete with emotional highs and lows and the viewer can finally fully invest themselves into these characters survival.

Its target audience seems to be at the Japanese masses and foreigners combined. Considering how it was made to be released around the time the Tokyo Olympics 2020 would’ve occurred, it would’ve been a fantastic release in conjunction to the worldwide hype of the Olympics. Another facet that makes more sense when the Tokyo Olympics come into play is its exploration on the concept of nationalism. I wasn’t aware of this particular detail before watching the show. As such, the focus on the nationalistic spirit was certainly an interesting and unique angle I never quite considered before when watching natural disaster media. A good majority of the exploration of this theme was really well done. The mix of characters had the proper set of diverse opinions that truly allowed the anime to explore any angle of nationalism: a bi-national family, a patriotic Japanese old man, and even complete foreigners. However, there were some moments throughout the episodes where it felt a little too “in your face”, as if the show needed to remind you that nationalistic spirit is appropriate at any given time.

The animation style is very reminiscent of “Devilman: Crybaby”. I recognize that both have the same animation studios responsible behind them. However, while the style certainly suited Devilman’s chaotic nature, it doesn’t necessarily do the same with “Japan Sinks 2020”. The animation is mediocre at best, and sloppy at worse. At the beginning, the characters had very neat, “friendly” character designs. Simple but expressive. But as the anime progressed, the art grew sloppier. With the nature of the anime, there is no expectation for pretty animation. However, at least the animation style could’ve stayed a bit more consistent.

However, the silver lining here are the natural disaster shots. The earthquake in the beginning was so chaotically devastating, and the equally chaotic art style suited those scenes perfectly well. Thanks to the R rating, they weren’t hesitant to show blood and gore when necessary. That kind of willingness is severely lacking when it comes to other shows and movies that explore this trope. Of course there’s going to be gore involved when entire populations are dying. It’s during these shots where I gasped out loud, at how fast yet deadly these kinds of events can be.

The music fit the ambience of the show well enough. It was clever to have the opening represent a serene depiction of everyday life of the family when the show is anything but that. The endings used were not much to speak of, but musically it was tense and dramatic. The endings were more fitting, but personally more enjoyable, than the opening. There is a special mention to the one rap scene in the entire anime that came in so out of place with the grim tones of the end coming near. The rap in itself was okay, but I couldn’t help but wish it came at a better time in the anime.

There is a mixed bag of reactions and observations when it comes the characters we follow through this journey. Some characters died unfairly too fast, and some deaths were easy to predict. Throughout the course of the series, there’s really only one death I truly mourned for. With death introduced so early on in the series, it was difficult to try to root for the characters survival because the circumstances proved to be unpredictable. Only after reaching Episode 8 did I finally begin rooting for our characters, hoping they survived through this hellish nightmare they were going through.

Mutoh Mari, the mother of the family, was the best character of the anime. She had so many aspects to her than simply “the mom of the group”. She is a Filipino who faces trouble from Japanese purists. She is a mother of the group, and takes over as the leader when it falls on her with grace. She is the moral support upon which anyone can lean upon, as the realistic optimist who understands that there is no means of survival when a person is emotionally defeated. The rest of the Mutoh family are all well done as well, all very realistic and relatable when put in that kind of situation.

KITE is another interesting character. Initially I didn’t think he’d prove to be too important, but he’s certainly one of the more important people you need to have in a group. He’s light-hearted, intelligent and his intentions aren’t too clear. There’s no room to have faith in him because he holds up his appearance quite well as a shallow guy who’s really only looking for something thrilling. But that leaves room for surprise for when he does get serious.

Overall, the anime was actually pretty enjoyable. It has its up and down moments, but when it’s up, it’s very engaging. The finale was excellent, and is a touching tribute to Japan as a nation. The diversity in the cast of characters is to be applauded. The anime only starts to show cracks when you look at it too closely. It’s a wonderful story of destruction, rebirth and growth. I’d rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

Go: “Where are we going now?” Mari: “Wherever we go, it won’t be the afterlife.”

[josietakesnash]

Time to Live

Sit a spell. It’s time for a recap of Chapter 7 -  9 of The How of Happiness.  

Alright, to be honest, my initial go-to when someone tells me, “live in the now” is:

It’s challenging to live in the present when you have generalized anxiety, PTSD, OCD and depression. However, I 100% agree that there are MAJOR benefits to channeling “the now” instead of worrying about what comes next. If anything, I’ve found that when I just do something, (not talk about it, not schedule it, just do it), I’m lightyears less stressed. 

Also, hey! Harping on the future isn’t all bad. Sonja made it a point to say, (and I’m paraphrasing here), that when you think of the positive events in your future, you are more likely to be an optimistic person. 

In Sonja’s opinion, reminiscing isn’t a crime either. Just do your best to reimagine the happy moments and accomplishments. One of my favorite memories is when I met my favorite musician. Girl, it’s been a decade, and I’m still sorry for crying in your arms outside of a public bathroom.  

Another point, which triggered the lyric ‘Success is nothing if you have no one left to share it with’ written by the man, the myth, the legend--  Ed Sheeran. It’s true. At the end of the day, it feels good to know that the people you love are involved and excited about your goals. 

Now, onto Chapter 8: 

Goals! Woooo! 

If you aren’t planning your daily life around conquering seemingly insignificant, small goals, what are you doing? Brushing your teeth? Done. Hydrating? Eating a few fruits or veggies? Showering? Arriving to class on time? Heck yeah, man. Who said goals have to be overwhelming? 

As for life goals? We’ve all got ‘em. For me, my wildest dream is to be in A&R  or own a publishing company. When I’m down, I remember why I’m here in Nash. I remember that little girl singing Al Green in the back of her Mom’s car. I remember that teenager who saw a mixing board for the first time in her life and nearly passed out from the beauty. I remember that girl who got her acceptance letter to her top choice university. I remember, and it gives me the spark to keep going. 

It’s rad that goals can do that for us. They give us purpose, direction, hope, and control. They up our confidence, and help us to become masters of time management and structure. Goals guide us into healthy, supportive relationships. 

Chapter 9: 

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, FOOL. 

Though I was raised Catholic, and thus taught to suffer-- 

I’m kidding. 

.. Sort of. 

I vibe with my homeboy Jesus, just not in a go to church every Sunday kind of way. When I was a teenager, I hated myself. It was ugly and dramatic-- I’m a Leo.. Because I was so low, I didn’t have it in myself to love God. I didn’t feel worthy of it. 

We cool now, though. 

He’s probably sick of me, tbh. 

Spirituality, faith, whatever you want to call it, does help hundreds of thousands of people cope with their daily lives and past or current traumas. Want to hear  a cuckoo story? The reason I believe? When I had cancer, I was given a drug that caused me to have a stroke. My parents were told that if I woke up from the coma my stroke put me into, I would never walk or talk again. 

Below is an accurate representation of how one of my oncologists reacted when I walked out of my hospital room only a couple months later: 

Anyways... God has our back, y’all. 

Meditation was also mentioned. I used to do that at bedtime, but then I started having sleep paralysis. Who wants a demon tap dancing on their chest? 

I digress. 

Now, I choose to set ten minutes aside in the morning to just zone out and breathe. From the effects its had on me, (reduced chronic pain and anxiety, mainly), I trust that others receive positive effects as well. 

One point I disagree on is the topic of SSRIs. To say that exercise is just as affective is, in my opinion, too bold of a statement. Some people really need to be medicated. Myself being one of them. Prior to Zoloft, I barely spoke. I didn’t take care of myself. I didn’t speak up in class. I didn’t have friends and was locked in abuse. I felt everything, all the time; I couldn’t have a rational thought. To be afraid of yourself 24/7 is not something I would wish on anybody. Zoloft saved me. 

Don’t get it twisted, exercise does help. My favorite part of the day is going for walks around campus. But, for me personally, if I stopped my SSRI and put exercise in its place, I would lose my sanity. I would have to exercise CONSTANTLY.  

Last but not least, the whole “fake it ‘til you make it”

I don’t know, dudes. I’m not flat out saying this doesn’t work. I’m sure it does for some. But for me? Not exactly. I don’t like lying to myself. I don’t like lying to others. If I’m sad, I’m sad. I’m allowed to be sad. If I’m happy, sick! I’m allowed to be happy. But hey, if it helps you, that’s lovely. 

I don’t have a ton of complaints about these chapters. They were insightful, uplifting, and comforting. 

.. Okay, byeeeeeeee.

[explorerswiftie]

the 1 analysis

This is an apt opening track of folklore because it is about her reminiscing about an ex & how she recollects her feelings.

"I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit" - she's doing good now, focussing on something else.

"been saying yes instead of no" - being optimistic, saying yes to opportunities/a new relationship

"I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though. I hit the ground running each night, I hit the Sunday matineé" - how strongly she felt about him and imagined his presence at the most common & frequented places like a bus stop.

"You know the greatest films of all time were never made" - pointing to the notion that there's no such film like the 'greatest film' and so there's no such love as the 'greatest love'.

"I guess you never know, never know and if you wanted me, you really should've showed" - he never showed he was in love with her.

"and if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow and it's alright now" - we see a growth here from "And if I bleed, you'll be the last to know" in cruel summer.

"But we were something, don't you think so?Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool and if my wishes came true it would've been you" - For her, they were a couple, in their twenties, he would've been "the one" if everything went alright.

"In my defense, I have none for never leaving well enough alone" - quotes ME! "I never leave well enough alone". Mostly, in my defense is user to cover up the wrongdoings and explain it further with excuses, Taylor here tells us that she has no excuses.

"But it would've been fun if you would've been the one" - she still thinks they would make a good couple if today, they were together.

"I have this dream you're doing cool shit having adventures on your own, You meet some woman on the Internet and take her home" - her dream (it's so clever usage of words because it may actually be the truth)

"We never painted by the numbers, baby but we were making it count" - their love story wasn't the usual kind, they actually put much thought & soul into it

"You know the greatest loves of all time are over now I guess you never know, never know and it's another day, waking up alone" - somewhat describing the hopeless feeling that greatest loves don't exist now & it's back to being alone

"I persist and resist the temptation to ask you if one thing had been different would everything be different today?"We were something, don't you think so? "- still the thought hovering on her mind

"Rosé flowing with your chosen family" - It's a very vivid description of how fun are the moments of drinking wine with her chosen family & how closely she thought they were, almost like she considered his family to be hers

"And it would've been sweet if it could've been me" - This is quite interesting because it's the ONLY time she mentions 'me' which means all along, she considered him to be 'the one' for her whereas here, she yearns how sweet it would have been if he, for once, considered her to be his 'the one' (he himself turned out to be just another '1' but not the actual 'the one')

[luna--reading]

[PICK A CARD] How does he/she feels about me in this connection?

Hello lovelies~ ♡

This is a pick a card reading for How does He/She feels about me in this connection? This reading is for people who might be involved with someone (be it in a relationship or a situationship), or are interested in someone, or simply just someone on your mind. Energies can be vice versa, but typically, the cards will tend to resonate with your own energies.

Do take what resonates because this is after all a general reading so it can’t possibly resonate with everyone. If you’d like a more personalised reading, do DM me as I’m currently doing free reading (as I’m still in the process of learning).

So take a few minutes to meditate on these 5 piles:

I surrender to my higher power, knowing that it takes care of me.

I am prosperous in all areas of my life.

My life has purpose and meaning.

I see myself as a success.

I am creating my life anew.

Once you’re ready, just scroll below to find the reading that you have chosen!

You can always leave a comment or simply like the post if it resonates with you, thank you so much~ ♡♡♡

Pile 1:

The Lovers is represented as how you feel about your partner, in which, you see them as this soulmate – the connection is very strong between the both of you. On the other hand, your partner’s feelings towards you is represented by The Wheel of Fortune. I see that they feel very lucky to know you and that they also know that this is a connection that I meant to be. So I see this as a very strong soulmate connection, to be honest.

The Nine of Wands is representing how you feel about yourself in this relationship. Now, I see you as someone who can get very guarded about your own feelings. Further clarified by The Sun, you have this outburst of energy that seems to be kept within yourself. You might be afraid of showing your true self to your partner and hence, you tend to keep certain feelings to yourself. On the other hand, King of Cups represents how your partner feels about themselves in this relationship. Your partner sees themselves as someone who is very emotional stable and has a lot of love to give you.

Now, the Seven of Pentacles is here as your outcome which goes to show that at the end of the day, effort is what it takes to keep this relationship going. And really, I see both of you making the effort in this relationship and reaping what you sow at the end of the day. Page of Swords is here as your advice which asks you to continue to be curious and learn more about each other. It also encourages you to open up and let your partner learn more about you.

With your oracle cards, Spiritual Teacher and Connect with Nature, I see that you guys do connect with each other on a spiritual level and maybe, both of you can have some dates out in the nature to further boost this relationship.

Pile 2:

Page of Cups is representing how you feel towards your partner in this relationship – in which you feel that you have this small cup of love to give. It’s a very pure and innocent kind of love and it might come off as a little immature (maybe you don’t know this person well enough yet) but you are presented as someone who wants to give this love to your partner. On the other hand, The Moon represents how your partner feels towards you in this relationship. Now, before I move on, I got to say, I further clarify The Moon and The Sun came out. So, I see this as a new connection. Your partner sees you as someone who is very new, so like I said maybe both of you don’t know each other well enough. There are many things that are being hidden/unsaid. The Sun talks about how your partner sees you in a positive light but as the card shows a young boy, I see that this connection can be seen as relatively new and just have yet to develop.

You see yourself as the Six of Cups in this connection. Six of Cups talks about reminiscing the past and simply just being in a very youthful energy. You see yourself as someone who can share your love as much as possible, and you simply want to share your love with this significant person that you are thinking of. Further clarified by the Two of Cups (reversed) as well as Queen of Wands, I see you as someone who is very playful and loves to joke around. Queen of Wands is a queen that does what she wants in a very playful energy and this might bring about slight imbalance as remember, relationships aren’t all about fun. It might bring about a very immature image about you. As after all, your partner sees themselves as the Knight of Pentacles in this relationship. Knight of Pentacles is a very stable and grounded energy. They are slow moving but that’s only because they think a lot about their own actions and whether or not, they are capable of reaching their goal. However, with this Knight of Pentacles, I see that they are slowly moving forward towards you, trying to make that offer to you.

Because The Star is in your outcome! The Star represents hopes and wishes coming true but at the same time, it also reminds you to keep a balance in your life. The Star is also seen as a healing energy and that I feel it is reminding you to stay optimistic about your love life and simply keep a playful energy (but not too much) with the Queen of Wands as your advice.

Your oracle cards include Summer; Practice, Practice, Practice and Good-Bye to the Old, Hello to the New. I see that this new year, a new decade is the great time for you to let go of the past. At the same time, summer is probably a significant timing for you. Either, you know this person in Summer or I see that possibly in this coming Summer, your relationship might be taken to a higher level or you might further improve on your relationship with this person that is on your mind.

Pile 3:

Your feelings towards your partner is being represented by the Two of Swords. You are indecisive about certain decision or you are actually in fact fearful about making certain decision. This can be further clarified by the Ten of Swords as to how you see yourself in this relationship. You are afraid of being betrayed again because you were deeply hurt by love in the past, is what I see with The Lovers (reversed). So you are actually quite fearful of making certain decision when it comes to this connection.

Your partner feelings towards you is represented by The Tower. The Tower talks about a journey that is meant to happen, a “crumbling” that is meant to take place because the foundation is weak. So, I see that you might have a “something” going on with this person but now, you pulled back out of fear and your partner sees this as a test. With the Knight of Swords (it could mean either you or your partner is an air sign – Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) clarifying The Tower, I see that he is wanting to make that move, he wants to talk and communicate with you. He wants clarity on this connection. Further clarified by the Six of Pentacles, he wants to bring back balance into this relationship. Your partner sees themselves as Justice in this connection, in which it reminds me on how he wants to find back justice for you. Maybe your partner knows of the pain and heartache you went through and know that you are feeling injustice. But it also means that your partner sees themselves as someone who is very balanced and can help to bring balance back into your life. Especially clarified with the Ace of Wands, he wants to start on a new journey with you.

Now, the outcome is being presented by the Ace of Cups so I see both of you starting on this new relationship. With the Page of Wands, as your advice, it is telling you (and possibly your partner) to take things slow. Both of you can start a journey, but takes things slowly, and things will get better.

Your oracle cards include Patience, Please and Everything’s Okay. This tells me that you don’t have to make that decision so quickly, I see your partner willing to wait for you so have patience in yourself as well. And trust that, everything is okay, things are working out fine.

Pile 4:

Before I start on this reading, let me just tell you that as I was shuffling through the cards, the Five of Pentacles kept jumping out. And within this reading, there are already 3 “Fives” which signifies change.

So let’s start! Five of Swords represents how you feel about your partner in which it is further clarified by the Four of Wands and The Hanged Man (reversed), so it seems that you are feeling very conflicted towards your partner. It could be due to the fact that you might feel that this was the one for you and that you might have unconditionally love your partner but changes had happened that let to this conflict within you. On the other hand, Three of Cups represents how your partner feels towards you and it is further clarified by Death. Now, I have this strong feeling that we are talking about an ex that is coming back into your life, or simply an ex that you can’t let go of. Three of Cups might be seen as a third-party situation (in which it ended the relationship, with Death) for some of you. For others, that don’t have an ex, it could mean that your partner now sees you as someone who is more than a friend and this could come after some ending. So, maybe your partner has recently just had a break-up and now sees your good, which could have led to your inner conflict as you don’t know if he’s only using you as a rebound or simply likes you for who you are.

You see yourself as the Five of Wands in this relationship, someone who is willing to fight for what they want. But at the same time, it also shows how guarded and defensive you are towards this person, or this relationship. It is further clarified by the Two of Pentacles and Wheel of the Year. This shows that you are currently very guarded because you simply have other things to juggle with. I see you as being busy with other aspects of your life and simply not having the energy or time and effort to put yourself through this “situationship” that you were possibly going through previously. Your partner sees themselves as the Page of Swords in this relationship, where they are being inquisitive and keeping a lookout for your news. They are keeping an eye on you, learning more things about you. This is further clarified by The Moon, in which they know that there are things that are being hidden from them and hence they want to make clear of these things.

The outcome is being represented by the Five of Cups. As of now, I don’t see any improvements in this relationship, someone might give up on someone or simply just not be involved in this relationship. I see hopelessness in the waiting (as seen by the Three of Wands) of not knowing how to carry on. With the King of Wands, I see it as someone being too stubborn in correcting their ways which could result in this Five of Cups energy.

Your advice is The Devil which encourages you to let go of certain unhealthy obsessions or thoughts. Or simply just cleansing yourself of negative energy. I see that you understand that there are certain instability (with The High Priest and Ten of Pentacles, both in reversed) and that you learn that only as you let go of certain negativity comes with the stability that you want.

Your oracle cards include Get Some Exercise, Autumn and Express Your Individuality. I see that it is time for you to work on yourself and understand what you want for yourself. Only when you start loving yourself can you then start loving others. Autumn might be a significant time period for you, or it could also simply represent “fall” which reminds me of letting go.

Pile 5:

You see your partner as Two of Wands, who is someone that is successful in whatever he does. He is someone who can gain success because he has the world in his hands. On the other hand, your partner sees you as Two of Swords, in which he might be feeling indecisive towards you. Now, this could be due to a past relationship (clarified by The Lovers, reversed) and that with you, he sees this as a new connection (with the Ace of Swords).

You see yourself as The Fool in this relationship, which meant that you might be taking a leap of faith when it comes to this person. This person might be someone out of your league or simply someone that is unlike your usual type and hence you are taking a leap of faith. But it could also mean that this is a rather new energy and hence, you aren’t quite sure of what to do. Your partner sees themselves as the Ten of Cups in this connection which means that they are feeling very emotionally fulfilled. With the Knight of Cups (reversed), I see them as being very emotional fulfilled in their current relationship status (more of being single). They are caring for themselves more and learning more of self-care and self-love which makes them feel very emotionally stable.

Your outcome is The Chariot which shows that you will eventually move in the right direction. The Chariot talks about how you might feel like you have a lot of paths to take, but just trust that whichever direction you are moving towards to, it will eventually lead you to where you belong. Furthermore, as your advice, the Eight of Pentacles urged you to continue making that effort and you will eventually end up to where you are supposed to be.

Your oracle cards include Spring and Ask For What You Want. Spring might be a significant timing for you and this person and trust that as long as you voice out what you want, the Universe will be here to help you get what you want.

[fictionalarsonist]

4 yoonkook 🥺

「 HEARTACHE」

pairing ›_ yoonkook (mentions of sope)content ›_angst ; some fluff ; underage drinking ; mild languagerating ›_pgword count ›_4.1k

―

premise ›_Jungkook’s a problematic brat who falls in love for his brother’s best friend.    ›  One-liners Inspired Drabbles  ― #4.“I’m not drunk, I s-swear.”credit ›_ thanks a lot to @chimknj​ for beta-reading this. 💖

a/n ›_ I’m still working on controlling myself when it comes to writing less, but I hope you’ll enjoy it anon!

「 ao3 | masterlist 」

[ heartache | part 2 | epilogue ] 

Jungkook‘s sitting on the couch snacking on his mother’s cookies, he’s not into desserts that much, but these he would never refuse. He hears a car pulling up thedriveway.

“Your brother’s here!” His mother said, all happy and cheerful. Rushing to see Hoseok walking in.

Jungkook only heard Hoseok most probably be greeted with a rib-crushing hug just like he was and their exchanged greetings. He didn’t mind any of it, only tossing another snack in his mouth and leaning his arms on the backrest.

“Yoongi! You made it!” 

Jungkook froze where he was. Barely remembering to swallow, crumbs from the cookie got stuck on the way to the wrong pipe and he coughed violently.

Yoongi’s here?

“Sorry for bothering.” Jungkook heard Yoongi’s voice coming from the hallway, he’d recognize Yoongi’s voice anywhere.

Jungkook felt his heart slam against his chest before sliding right up his throat, trying to punch its way out. Everything became fuzzy and hazy as all these things, these feelings came rushing, hitting him like a tidal wave. People say that two of the strongest senses related to memory are smell and hearing.

Just by Yoongi’s voice, Jungkook could recall so many of those memories, most of them he’s mortified to even think happened.  He couldn’t even hear what his mom was saying or what words came out of his father’s mouth as he smiled, bringing a bottle of beer to the living room. Hoseok walked in, throwing his luggage at the corner before opening his arms and giving him a smug smile.

“Little brother! Won’t you give me a hug?” Hoseok followed Jungkook with his eyes as Jungkook jolts to his feet and storms out the backdoor, absentmindedly grabbing his keys and wallet, ”I brought you a gift, at least take a look at it- Where are you going?”

“Jungkook!” He hears his mother calling, but he’s out the door and hastily driving away the very next moment without so much as a second glance at the house.

How long does a friendship between best-friends last? Because Jungkook thought that maybe by now… Well, this feels dumb. This feels really dumb, but he just wished he’d never see Yoongi again. He doesn’t want to remember when he used to chase his brother around. Not because he thought his brother was cool or looked up at him; he stopped thinking that when he was, what? Six- No, seven years old. Hoseok’s always been too weird and overly optimistic to be considered cool. It was because of Yoongi.

It was Yoongi whom Jungkook liked best, it was him Jungkook considered cool and looked up to. He liked everything about his brother’s best friend and he never understood how they could be best friends. Yoongi has always been chill, sometimes a little too problematic with that mouth of his.The only thing about Yoongi that has never been cool was the way he was always too tired to do any of the cool stuff Jungkook thought he should try. Like skating, for example. Jungkook pestered Yoongi, but the only reply he’d get was Yoongi whining: “My bones are too weak,” with a hint of irritation in his voice. “I’m tired. Try it yourself!” That kind of hurt the youngster Jungkook.

Jungkook did learn it though. He came out pretty good at it, but it was Hoseok who praised him. Yoongi didn’t even see it. Not a single glance. No matter how much he tried to get close to Yoongi, he was always pushed away, literally. When Yoongi came to fetch Hoseok and Jungkook tried tagging along, Yoongi would push him by his forehead.

“Go home!” Yoongi complained, “Just play with kids your age.”

Being a kid was very pathetic, though. Just following his brother blindly just so he could see Yoongi. Of course, Hoseok would get pissed too. He’d listen attentively when his brother would try sneaking out at night and try to follow, oftentimes being brought back with scrapes and bruises because he fell as he tried following his brother, knowing he’d meet Yoongi.

Also, there’s this one time when he fell from the tree when they rebuilt the house and had to be rushed to the hospital. Hoseok was grounded for the rest of the summer, which meant Yoongi had to come over to see his best friend. Jungkook could hear his voice from his room, so instead of playing outside or the living room, he stayed in his bedroom. 

Even in his teens, he found himself now and again searching for Yoongi. Often times when he was with his friends and saw Yoongi - just by chance, it’s not like he’s been hanging out in a place he knew Yoongi would be.  He’d pretend not to look and, sometimes, get in trouble so Yoongi would come rushing with Hoseok. He’d pull him aside and scream at his face. For that moment, it felt like he cared.

Jungkook never grasped what he felt for Yoongi, though. Not until this one night when he was bored in his room and frustrated because his stupid girlfriend didn’t understand him. He didn’t understand why everyone seemed happy with a relationship. All his friends were fine with what they had, but not him. He was bored and tired of trying to think about it, so he followed Hoseok.

By now Jungkook has become pretty good at sneaking around and Hoseok didn’t even notice he was there. Jungkook sat at a distance, planning on approaching later just to provoke them. Jungkook watched his brother talking in a reminiscing manner with Yoongi. They talked about their lives and this turning point when they’ll be off to college. It’s something Jungkook already knew, but seeing Yoongi smiles and celebrate the fact that he’ll be two states away from him in less than a month caused a painful stir in Jungkook’s heart. 

He might as well have poured a bucket of ice-cold water above his head. It made him shiver and lose his senses for a moment or two, too lost in his own feelings. It was like being swallowed by a black hole of sadness he never expected. Suddenly he wanted to walk up to Yoongi and tell him to stay; tell him to attend a college somewhere near instead of going so far away. It’s not like he didn’t know before. Hoseok, their parents and even Yoongi freely mentioned every now and then. But it’s different now that he can see how happy Yoongi seems to be.

Jungkook can’t think of a life without Yoongi to pester every now and then. It’d be different not seeing him in the living room, dozing off while Hoseok focuses on the homework they both were supposed to be doing. Yoongi’s harsh truths and problematic words; the way he’d nod his head dismissively to get Jungkook to do something. How he’ll call him “kid” in a way that seems to warm Jungkook’s heart. It always made Yoongi smile even when he retorted: “I’m not a kid anymore”, before walking away. There are too many things to miss and no one would fill them all.

Jungkook feels desperate. He has to say something. It was eating him inside and he had to tell Yoongi, he really didn’t know what it was, but if he told Hoseok to take a walk - which wouldn’t be easy - and looked Yoongi in the eyes, he’d figure it out. Jungkook moved to his knees from where he was seated, ready to stand up - still thinking of a way to get rid of Hoseok -, but… That’s when he saw it.

Hoseok pulled Yoongi by the nape of his neck and their lips crashed. Jungkook fell back, a breath caught painfully in his throat. Tears stung his eyes and his heart lurched painfully in his chest. Jungkook fisted his shirt as if it’d lessen the pain, but it didn’t help anything. He felt as though the wind had been knocked  rom his chest. 

His voice pushed his way through his throat and Jungkook had a very hard time keeping his lips shut. He did so by grinding his teeth so much so he felt one of them break. Yet he heard a strangled cry coming from his throat. He didn’t know if they heard it too, his eyes were overflowing with beads of tears falling one after another and as soon as Jungkook got any control of himself he bolted. 

He spent the night crying and it didn’t matter how much he cried, the pain never wore it off. The scene kept replaying itself in his head. If he tried closing his yes, it became worse. It was like the end of the world. Jungkook never cried like that his life. He couldn’t stop. He tried not to make a sound, but they belted out of him painfully. He felt pathetic that he woke up his parents and they came to see him. He tried coming up with something, but, in the end, could only ask to be alone.

“It’s a heartbreak,” he heard his mother saying quietly as she closed the door. 

“Maybe he broke up with his girlfriend,” his dad suggested not-so-quietly behind the closed door. Jungkook heard them walking away and curled himself into a ball under his blankets and cried more.

He couldn’t look at his brother after that. Above the perks of having a broken heart, refusing to eat and barely drinking anything, maybe a glass of water at times, Jungkook felt hurt. He couldn’t really understand this broken heart thing. It just hurts too much to not cry every now and then.

After spending some time tucked inside his house he finally went back to school, but he made sure to leave after Hoseok’s gone. He couldn’t look at his brother’s  face. Seeing his face brought the memory back along with a few fresh tears. He avoided both his brother and Yoongi at school like he was running from the devil in the flesh.

Jungkook skipped school with his friends, going to different places; places he wouldn’t see Yoongi even if he looked for him and Jungkook knew he  couldn’t even think about it. It became problematic. Jungkook started hanging out with new friends because the others wanted to stay on the team, while Jungkook wanted to drink. Jungkook didn’t give a rat’s ass about the stupid teams. He drank with his new friends, who felt the same way as him.

Whatever happened, Jungkook didn’t quite know, he was rather out of it. All he knows is that when he came to it Hoseok had gotten the worst from the fight. He hadn’t done it on purpose. He’d been walking along when those thugs came at him; Hoseok happened to be next to him and protected him. But Yoongi saw it, he always saw it. Jungkook came back to his senses when Yoongi threw him a punch across the face and shook him with a deadly grip on his shirt.

“Do you only care about yourself? Huh?” Yoongi screamed at him at this one time, panting. His face bright red and hot from all the fighting. The sound of the ambulance still loud as it drove away. “What if something happens to Hoseok? He’s your brother! He’s always covering your shit. Can’t you think of him too? Are you this fucking selfish? What if the worst happens?”

When he was pushed away and fell on his ass, Jungkook just stayed there. Guilty for what happened to his brother and heartbroken by Yoongi’s words. Because this time he really didn’t mean to.

And… After that, Yoongi disappeared. Jungkook didn’t know why and he didn’t care. He just looked out for his brother instead. Hoseok always smiled at him and told him it’s all good. Told him he did nothing wrong, but Yoongi words kept ringing in his ears, loud and clear. But, although Jungkook didn’t blame Hoseok anymore, he still didn’t want anything to do with Yoongi. Because he- well, he likes Yoongi. Not because Yoongi’s cool or whatever, no. Because he just liked Yoongi the way he was supposed to like his girlfriend.

When it came his turn to apply to college, Jungkook didn’t think twice about rejecting the college Hoseok attended at the time. He didn’t care if it was the best for his major. He didn’t want that game of possibly running from Yoongi again, even if Hoseok had said time and time again how big the campus is. He was too amazed by this as a freshman.

It has been Jungkook’s only hope to never meet Yoongi again. He avoided the topic when Hoseok mentioned him in passing until Hoseok never said a word about it again. Jungkook was careful of Hoseok’s social media. He saw Yoongi’s picture here and there with his brother and it hurt him because he knew. Until Yoongi wasn’t there anymore and Jungkook felt guilty for being relieved when he noticed that others filled in the gaps. He wished Yoongi wouldn’t be there anymore, he really did. As much as he wished to get over Yoongi, to forget him- and he thought he did, it’s pretty clear now.

It’s undeniable by the way his heart clenches painfully in his chest and tears sting the corner of his eyes. His only thought is to get far away. Jungkook didn’t know where, he just wanted to run away. Somewhere these feelings for Yoongi won’t exist. Somewhere that he doesn’t have to see his handsome face ever again. 

He pulls over at a familiar place and as soon as he realizes where he laughs pathetically at himself, hitting his head on the steering wheel. It’s one of the places Hoseok and Yoongi used to hang out, one of the places Jungkook would conveniently show up earlier than them. Hands gripping the wheel Jungkook sat there staring through the windshield, looking nowhere in particular. Watching the time be wasted, praying to go by faster. Thinking of ways to escape, somewhere to go.

As the day turned into night, a sign lit up, calling Jungkook’s attention. He stared at the station’s sign for a moment or so before getting out of the car. Without giving a second thought he brought a pack of beers and a couple bottles of soju and brought back to his car. It’s an old habit that never dies. He opened the truck and sat there, popping open his first can of beer.

This will do. I won’t think about him if I drink some more.

Then there’s two, three beers and many mixes with soju. One bottle and a half bottles of soju later, Jungkook started feeling sick. His stomach churned and his head began spinning. He slumped back on his truck and his phone slipped from his pocket.

“OH! May-Maybe I should-,” he spoke, his words slurred as he struggled to pick the phone in his hand. “I should call my bro. I really lo-love my bro.” He laughed at himself as the phone kept slipping from his hand and knocked over the bottle of soju. “Ah, shit!” He tried wiping clean with his hands before focusing on the phone again.

He made a few mistakes before getting the number right, his phone smeared with soju. Jungkook didn’t notice much. It rang a couple of times before someone picked up. Jungkook hiccuped and stuttered before calling Hoseok’s name in his drunken haze, gleeful tone.

“I’m not drunk, I s-swear.”

“Jungkook? You sound hammered. Where are you?”

Jungkook can recognize this voice anywhere.

“No!” Jungkook whined, “Not you!” Yoongi called out his name and it hurt almost physically, “Call my hyung! I wa-want my hyu-hyung, Hoseok!” Jungkook felt those free-spirited tears again and gasped, almost choking on his own saliva.

“Jungkook-”

“Don’t call my name!” Jungkook exploded and the sound of his own voice, too loud, startled him. He dropped his phone and let himself fall back on the truck. 

Jungkook’s conscious enough answer the phone when it rings again and Hoseok’s ID shows up. Then he’s suddenly out of it. It’s the voice of Yoongi that makes him open his eyes and he thinks all that drinking brought him one of his old dreams. One which Yoongi’s hovering over him like right now, but his arms seem to heavy to out them around Yoongi. Also, he can’t feel Yoongi’s hand on him either. It could be a new dream, then.

“Yah! Jungkook!” He hears Yoongi’s voice and the slaps on his face, not so strong. “Jungkook, wake up! C’mon. Hey!” Yoongi grabs Jungkook’s jaw, his fingers pressing the skin urgently, “Jungkook! Come to your fucking senses!”

Jungkook feels his stomach turning sickeningly and Yoongi’s fast to move him to his side and off the trunk just so he can throw up. It feels like he’s throwing up everything inside him, heavy tears spill from his eyes. His throat burns but he can’t stop it by himself. Not until he felt empty as a zombie would. Yoongi massages his back and tells him it’s okay, to let it all out. Yoongi says it’ll be okay, but Jungkook knows it won’t. He hates to hear Yoongi’s voice and he doesn’t want to come to his senses and look at Yoongi’s face. It’s bad enough feeling his hand massaging his back through his shirt. It’s bad enough how Yoongi sounds calm and understanding. Jungkook just wants him to go. 

As soon as he’s all done, Yoongi pulls him up, slowly and lets Jungkook lean his weight in his body. It’s nice in Yoongi’s arms. Jungkook closes his eyes, dizzy and tired, but feeling more sober now. Jungkook feels Yoongi’s breath on his temple and Yoongi’s arm loosely around him.

“Go away.” Jungkook whines weakly, “I’m fine. So- just leave”

Jungkook feels Yoongi’s body moving as he chuckles.

“You’re saying you’re fine? Are you crazy? I’m sure you were close to an alcoholic coma and you say you’re fine? What were your plans exactly? Drive home after drinking all of these?”

“I don’t need your help. Just leave.”

“Jungkook! I don’t care if you hate me. I won’t leave you here by yourself while you’re like this~” Yoongi whines his complaint, “I’ll get you some water. You’ll drink it and then I’ll drive you to the hospital.”

“I don’t want your pity,” Jungkook says, voice painfully hoarse.

“Pity? You’re Hoseok’s little brother. I care about you. We’re-,” Yoongi hesitated. “We’re- kind of like-,” Jungkook tilted his head up because he’s always too curious to his own good. He couldn’t see all of Yoongi’s face because his neck would hurt if he tried tilting his head any further, but he saw Yoongi licks his lips and pulled on them nervously. Jungkook wished he could kiss Yoongi like he did many times in his dreams. “We’re like family.”

Family?

“So, Hoseok and you-,” Jungkook hesitates. He’s way too weak for his tears, but he holds on. He didn’t mean to speak out loud.

“What about Hoseok and me?” Yoongi asks in curiosity and tries to look at him, Jungkook looks back down. The movement is too fast and makes him dizzy. It takes him a moment to get himself together to talk.

“You and him are together.” Jungkook says, slowly pushing himself away with the energy he has left. He already feels like crap, this is getting worse. 

“We’ve been friends since childhood. We’ve always been-” 

Jungkook cuts Yoongi short, as harsh as Yoongi would. “That’s not what I mean.”

Jungkook doesn’t know what kind of expression he has, but despite still being in this hazy state of his, he sees Yoongi for the first time in years. It’s enough to let him know that this isn’t something that could die down like he wanted to. Yoongi’s there and Jungkook’s still in love with him. Yoongi looks more confident than he did back then. He looks mature and self-assured, but still his laid-back self.

Yoongi watches Jungkook lean back against the opposite side of the truck and sighs. “I- wish we wouldn’t talk about this now.”

“It’s okay. I’ve known for a long time now. You and my brother are together.” 

Yoongi smirks and shakes his head. “You never change, do you? Me and Hoseok have always been friends, Jungkook. Nothing more than friends.”

Jungkook tries to show off his smug smirks, but it comes out too filled with bitter self-loathing. “I saw it. I saw you guys that night kissing in the park.”

“You still hold on to that? That kiss?”

Jungkook closes his eyes and takes a deep breath because he doesn’t want to cry and hearing Yoongi talking about it makes it all real. He always knew it was real, but he wished he could pretend it was a dream, buried deep inside his memories. He wanted to forget that moment and Yoongi being a part of it. That wouldn’t be too much to ask.

“If you gave me the chance to explain back then-”

“I don’t want you to!” He opens his eyes to see Yoongi and Jungkook thinks he seems something similar to hurt cross his eyes,.“I don’t want you to explain anything. I don’t want to hear anything. I wish I’d never see you again.”

“Jun-Jungkook-” Yoongi tries to call him. 

“Stop calling my name. I hate when you call my name.” Jungkook closes his eyes again because he’s about to cry. Again.

He hears Yoongi’s strangled breath. “I don’t care how stubborn you are, Hoseok dragged my ass all the way here for this, Jungkook.”

 Jungkook’s eyes fly open and despite feeling sick and hurt, despite getting worse as he pushes himself to sit up. The rage cursing through him makes it bearable and Jungkook knows he won’t be able to keep it for long, so he lets it burst out of his chest as it comes. “With all due respect, to my brother and to you. I don’t care about that kiss- or any kiss between you and him. I can’t be happy for you, so don’t expect me to be. If the two of you know as much as I think you do, you’ll understand why. Stop trying to patronize me, stop trying to explain. I know I’m a brat, okay? I know I’m selfish, so let me be-”

“—You think that’s what this is about?” Yoongi rage gets the best of him. Jungkook could see it bubbling underneath the surface. “Can’t you get over yourself for second and let me talk?”

Yoongi would go on, but Jungkook seems like he’s getting sick yet again, so he stops and leans back. A heavy silence falls over them as they stare at each other. 

“Look-” Yoongi tries, careful, “Hoseok knew I liked him for a while.” Yoongi sees Jungkook closing his eyes and turning his head and taking a deep, stuttering breath through his mouth. “I thought I liked him until he kissed me that night.” Yoongi swallowed hard and Jungkook grimace at the words.

“I- I don’t wanna hear it-” Jungkook whines too weakly to cause any effect, already feeling his chest closing on itself. He tasted this kind of hurt before; he’s not willing to let it happen again.

“Jungkook, if you ever let me talk to you after that I’d tell you,” Yoongi insisted. “That was a mistake. I didn’t feel anything with that kiss and Hoseok knew it’d be like that. I might be smarter than him, but he knew better than me-” Yoongi attempted a half-smile with his failed humor. “He knew I was always looking for you. I dragged him everywhere to make sure you were safe wherever you were and-” Yoongi paused, the weight of his memories too heavy for him to say out loud. “Do you know how scared I was when I saw you getting beaten up by those thugs? How guilty I felt for what happened to Hoseok that day?”

“You felt guilty?” Jungkook asks, the tears he’s been holding behind his eyelids streamed down his face when he turned to look at Yoongi, “I was the one who caused all that.”

“I said that because I was angry at you. They could’ve killed you, Jungkook!” Yoongi said, exasperated.  “I was the one who called Hoseok and told him to do something because he’s your brother. I didn’t want to be the one to do it because to me it’d be the same as admitting that I liked you and-” Yoongi licked his lips with a dark chuckle lightly moving his shoulder, “I thought I’d get over you if I disappeared. But- Fuck it! I liked you back then and I loved you when I left and Hoseok dragged my lazy ass across the country just so I would stop pining because-” Yoongi hesitated, his voice growing quieter, “I still love you.” 

Yoongi seems to run out of breath because he’s panting and Jungkook’s too dumbfounded to do anything but sit there and stare at him.

part 2 ⇾

[some-cookie-crumbz]

I fell in love with all your Huwumi AUs! My favourite ones ended up being Reaper AU and Parental!Fuyumi AU. In both I would love to see Touya being added to the story to create that family drama with his whole disappearance and eventually a wholesome family reunion😭 I crave family moments, especially between siblings. The manga doesn’t show nearly enough interaction Fuyumi and Touya had considering how these two were the closest in age and I thought that they would have had each other’s back🤔

AAAAHHHH Thank you so much!!!! It makes me so happy when people like the ideas I come up with! x3

Also, I really wanna ramble about Touya and Fuyumi so Imma put some of this under a “Read More’ because, oh Anon, I got some feelings about them!

I’ve been working out the outline for Reaper AU and making some changes for this specific reason! I really love getting to focus on family ties in both what I consume and what I produce. Without giving too much away, I’m planning to make Touya a more central character/ amp up his role for that fic, so I can promise a lot of good stuff with them there! And for Parental Fuyumi AU I have big plans for the lil shit, too, though he’ll be more just chaotic good than outright awful in that one! x3

Now, in regards to canon, I get why we haven’t necessarily gotten a lot of focus on the relationships between the other Todoroki siblings, even if I don’t really like it. Neither Fuyumi nor Natsuo are in the business of Hero-ing, so they’re typically only brought out to use when necessary. If I’m being honest, I feel like we’d probably have more details about that if either of them had decided to become a Pro Hero.

And, can I just say, how interesting could that have been? Pro Hero Fuyumi??? Like, I’m just imagining Pro Hero Fuyumi who works in the underground, maybe taken under Aizawa’s wing and taught how to just fuck shit up??? Maybe she specializes in checking out the backgrounds of other Pro Heroes, to make sure they’re good behind the scenes and she’s excellent at it because she’s lived that life??? Oh, or!!! What if Fuyumi got the Half-Hot, Half-Hot Quirk but Enji wouldn’t train her because he believed that, as a woman, she wouldn’t be able to surpass All Might as well as a male heir? So then Fuyumi begins training herself on how to properly use her Quirk on her own, so that when Rei is pregnant with Natsuo/ Shouto, she can help them with their Quirk if either of them gets the same Quirk? And then leads to her bonding with Shouto and maybe protecting him from Rei during her episode? Or maybe ending with Fuyumi having the physical scar and Shouto being wracked with guilt over harming two of the most important people in his life? Leaving him feeling like he can never be a Pro Hero because he couldn’t protect them? And maybe giving some focus to Touya and how he feels like a failure for not helping his mother more or protecting his sister and brothers better? Oh, geez, I need to stop or I’ll end up writing either or both of these...

That said, though, I wish we got more. I’d like to learn more about Touya and his relationship with his younger siblings. I mean, it’d be very easy to just present it as Fuyumi and Natsuo reminiscing with Shouto because he asked about the brother he never really got to know. It’d be a great way to give us more information about him, as well as giving us a really soft and tender moment between the still-healing younger siblings.

Now, in regards to Touya and Fuyumi...

I absolutely believe they were the closest siblings, both due to being close in age as well as what I think their personalities were most like. I read their relationship as being a lot like two of my own characters - Alaric and Liliana - where they will tease each other constantly but if you lay one finger on their sibling they will end you, bucko. Touya was most likely a snarky lil brat with a lot of aggression and resentment, where Fuyumi was patient and considerate, helping to balance him out. Fuyumi being one of the only members of their family that could talk him down from one of his fits, as well as being the only one with the bravery to call him out when he’s overreacting, is another main stay of why they’re so close. Touya knows his behavior can imitate their father and is eternal grateful to his sister for helping him to keep from going too far. I also think that they’d be the two prone to butting heads the most as they get older because of the conflicting personalities as well as having such dramatically different views on their situation at home.

Touya is pessimistic about it all, seeing no chance for healing. Fuyumi, meanwhile, is optimistic and sees forgiveness and healing as the only option. Given how young they are, I feel like they wouldn’t be able to see a specific middle ground where both their views meet in the middle yet.

I also love the idea that Fuyumi was the only one Touya said goodbye to when he left. And she begged him to stay, to help her make things better, but he refused. He refused and he tore into her as he left, shouting about how she’d end up just as broken as their mother if she kept trying to force a redemption that would never happen into being. Fuyumi is devastated by not only his words but his absence, and throws herself head-first into trying to look after Natsuo and Shouto as best as she can. At first, she dedicates herself to being a good older siblings, and then tries to become a pseudo-parent once Rei is sent away.

I also love the idea that this final exchange between them led them to new discoveries about themselves.

For Fuyumi, she comes to realize just how much she loves helping and nurturing others. While it’s not the best of situations, she falls into tending to her brothers very naturally. She’s a compassionate and patient person generally so she is a great fit for dealing with unruly children. She wants to be a mother someday, sure, but she loves seeing how her brothers’ eyes light up when they solve a hard homework question or pass a test. She comes to the realization that she wants to be able to help other kids like she can help them, that she would love to have a classroom full of little faces to help teach.

And for Touya? It’s an uglier thing, but he revels in it once he has the realization. Seeing how broken and hurt he’d left his sister had been surprisingly satisfying. As if he had finally made someone else feel the way he did all those days in the training room, with Endeavor’s shadow looming over him like some untouchable beast. He likes having that same kind of power, of being the one to dish out that same kind of pain. So, perhaps he starts testing the waters to see how far he can push it before he feels bad for it...