#call me by your name ending

[lavenderfairycow]

my whole life i felt like i was too old for my time.

at ten my town burned into ashes and i stood in front of it in my wool coat and holding a shard of my dead grandmother's ceramic christmas tree.

when i was eleven i wrote a three-part collection of trauma poems and watercolor portraits, but the portraits were never of me, but of the people i saw in the shadows that no one else could see.

twelve years old and i moved into an empty house. small. crowded. i met a girl. she was really beautiful in my eyes. but she was fifteen going on sixteen, too old for me. i did not know how i felt except good. i felt so safe with her. and i had an inkling she felt the same.

when i was thirteen the same girl broke my heart. i thought i had felt love for her, looking back now it was just the idea, the reverie of love. but part of it was real. she would hold me close when the curtain fell, and i painted her on the largest canvas in my possession. i wrote her my longest work yet, of adoration, of admiration. she showed me music that threw my world up in flames and threw it back down to burn my lips to black. but she told me she couldn't do it. she couldn't make this work because she didn't care about me all that much. and it was an event i should have seen coming. but i was thirteen. i was naive. i was not suited to be in a loving relationship with a sixteen year-old. and that was the only truth i couldn't see.

fourteen and i watched call me by your name for the first time. listened to sufjan stevens all day long, and phoebe bridgers at night. sad lesbian music. heartbreak hangover. i wanted to keep talking to the girl i loved but it was so hard to keep a safe distance while doing so. and so, that spring before she turned seventeen, i wrote her two letters one month apart. and instead of going back to our used-to-be-normal, she told me to fuck off and never speak to her again. her name was evie.

when i turned fifteen, i was a little happier. i wanted that elio and oliver type of love. not, the elio at the end of the film type. on the phone, crying, whispering her name over and over and over again. i met someone else just as my first "love" and i began to be on better terms again. but this new girl was straight as a board, and she was one of my best friends. and i don't know how it ended with her, though i really loved her, a true love, not just an idea. because when we graduated, i missed my opportunity to tell her how i really felt for her. but then there was a monday night in october when evie called me "babe." and i didn't know how to respond. because she was the one who cut things off with me, so i just smiled and resisted the urge to scream or cry or both all at the same time. it wasn't the place. it wasn't the right time either. and i didn't love her anymore, if i ever did at all. it really felt ... over.

and as father sufjan said once, blessed be the mystery of love.

[brother-emperors]

TRY AGAIN LATER

it's like. well. its several things.

(Plutarch's Crassus, trans. Warner)

and also this

(ibid.)

that compliment sounds like an insult, baby.

anyway, there's a fun kind of eroticism in being given everything, in taking things that aren't yours without any real consequence, in climbing towards becoming a Roman Alexander, only for one man to deny you, over and over and over again, at every turn. Sulla tried, Crassus did it better. who would put a butcher in their place? who else knows you well enough to do it? who else can match you step for step like this? doesn't it feel like a kind of intimacy, a kind of—

it's also about the 'even sulla kissed my sword/so you want me on my knees too?' innuendo was too good to pass up. that was actually the first line I wrote, I figured out the rest of this to justify making a comic with it

and finally! the sword line is referencing/playing off of Lucan's Pharsalia a little bit because it fucks hard

(Lucan's Pharsalia, trans. Jane Wilson Joyce)

EDIT: oh, and that's a public domain anatomical illustration of a heart. you know how it is with love and hate.

[arthursfuckinghat]

"I was gonna say you're like a son to me.. but you're more than that."

"It ain't that complicated!"

How quickly that shoulder pat of comfort turned into a condescending one.

[kindaorangey]

jean should collect homoerotic codependent partners professionally

[candymay]

Just Perfect Days Call Me By Your Name (2017) dir. Luca Guadagnino

[terymlxyrstdus]

i read a lot of angst. I read crimson rivers, I read atyd fuck I read choices for normal people I read they both die at the end, the perks of being a wallflower, dead poets society, call me by your name so i thought in my experience there really isn’t book that would totally emotionaly kill me…well i started the Book thief yesterday. I literally read 30 pages and oh man that book is something else

[silverview]

[troll-yaoi-war-veteran]

[radioves]

its quite shrimple actually

[narwhalandchill]

oh and also speaking of wuwa. what is it with chinese gachas these days and their one (1) random fucking Dude With A Finnish Name For No Apparent Reason

like theres welt from hi3rd and hsr. aka originally known as joachim nokianvirtanen. whos presumably half german half finnish. but the worst fucking thing about it is that like. while joachim is a very standard german name. ""nokianvirtanen" is NOT a finnish surname. its like an amateur writer looking up random finnish words to mush together into a surname with 0 research into what finnish surnames actually sound like. now by themselves. nokia? virtanen? oh absolutely that works 100%. together? it literally sounds AI generated it makes me cry 💀💀💀

(It could also just literally be nokia-virtanen or virtanen-nokia with the hyphen and work. but nokiaN is possessive form . but NOBODY is fucking called "nokia's virtanen" WHAT. THATS NOT HOW IT WORKSSSSS or like if theres Any legit surname w a possessive form in it which there prolly are some its a Very specific thing not sth broadly applicable at all)

whereas sampo koski is like. honestly peak bc its the complete fucking opposite. this name is like. this is literally Just A Dude. Theres probably like hundreds of actual fucking sampo koskis out there whose linked ins have been permanently buried under Rail the Stars game search results on google i literallg NEED to meet one irl someday and ask them about it its so fucking funny 😭😭😭

like. okay koski is just an uhhhhhhhh. its a type of a waterfall in a river . Rapids? but yeah its a very standard surname. Except not like this SUPER common generic googled the top 10 tier name bc its genuinely an authentic name you run into that sounds natural. Like it doesnt sound like A Character surname its too normal. and then sampo refers to a mythical miracle machine in karelian and finnish folklore with 3 corners that each makes riches of the ocean (represented w salt) the soil (w grain) and the earth (w gold) freely for whoever owns it. In lore some ppl fight over it long story anyway louhi was right. which is again its not some uber common name but its a Very natural one its so weirdddd ive had a sampo for a classmate its cursed 💀💀 and have prolly known a koski at some point too

Anyway point being. Sampo koski is literally the Quintessential normie This is a person not a Space Gacha Game Character name idk HOW they just. came up w it it feels so weirdddd. this is like if boothill was just called like. Josh.

anyway my only real issue w sampo is just that he doesnt fucking act finnish. yes its true reducing nationalities to caricatures is bad but. Listen if you rep us. it HAS to be all the stereotypes actually. we arent all antisocial and depressed for half the year bc its too dark and insomniac and pissed off the other half bc its too bright just to get some fruity fucking aha follower with a name youd see on the employee list of the most mundane fucking office job . i like sampo i just cant claim him . he talks too much and dresses too flamboyant hes an impostor

which brings us to. Wuthering waves. and like as we can see hoyos finnish names have had their interesting moments for sure. so like hows kuro games faring?

Oh they called him--

They Called The Random Finnish Name Guy Of The Wuthering Da Waves Game---

AALTO?????????!??!??? AALTO?????!?

THEY LITERALLY CALLED HIM WAVE IN FINNISH WHAT THE FUCKKKKJKK

honestly idek if i should be insulted or just like. Amazed by the sheer balls it takes to just call him half the title of ur game and be like ah. Perfect. represented the feeble finns again

anyway tho unironically. While he also (to my knowledge at least) has the like. cocky lighthearted menace personality which like. No. at least the way he looks is peak acceptable like yeah this is a random finnish guy animefied and airdropped into this post apocalyptic scifi fantasy world. the quintessentially finnish awful out of fashion speedy sunglasses (this is a cultural in joke that i will Not be elaborating on). the sensible tactical gear. i respect him the white long hair is clearly a survival tactic its camouflage. hes fine. also props for having an aspect of camouflage in his kit w the taunts bc yes historical reference winter war the finns are indeed out there blending in with the environment wahoo. no particular thoughts tho i did pull him so ig legal obligation to build his ass

anyway aalto is also an university. lowkey the students there should just do a power move and make an aalto cosplay like the secondary uniform alongside haalarit itd be funny

but yeah am i going anywhere with this? Making some serious critique god forbid? Not in particular i am just. Continuously baffled w this. bc its not like these characters Are finnish by any metric. They just get random fucking finnish names and its like every single chinese gacha now needs to have a token one and im just here like.but why . What is the purpose of it . what is so effervescent about googling random finnish names and slapping them on your male characters . I do not understand

+ honorary mention to ukko the frostarm lavachurl in genshin. Another folkloric reference (ukko the sky/thunder god) . couldnt even give us a fruity guy in that one. though sitting in your bespoke isolation in a freezing hellhole and beating the shit out a random traveler disrupting your peace is way more finnish than a single sentence most of these characters have uttered so like. Fair actually that Is a mood. king behavior

[aphantimes]

man im still so obsessed with the fact that it seems like knuckles either didn't originally have a name, or that he dropped it to carry the name of his ancestors

LIKE UGH. it's so sad. it's so unfair. knuckles' entire existence is so unfair. imagine having no name and having the only identity you have being the name of a dead group of people you never even got to meet? alternatively, dropping your own birth name to carry that name as your own because there's no one else around to do so?

i NEED. NNEEEEDD. canon media to acknowledge this in some way. it's mentioned once that he was named after his ancestors in an obscure character bio, and never brought up ever again as far as i know. i don't know japanese but from what i can tell the way it's worded implies that "knuckles" became his name? as in, it wasn't his name originally.

I NEED TO KNOW MORE. I NEED THIS TO BE EXPLORED.

[ghcstcd]

I'm invested in "Terzo is resurrected and turned into a nameless ghoul servant" au.

[arsenicboobop]

things that changed me for the better… or for the worst!! i’ll never know

definitely the worst BAHAHAH

[femmeroi]

My stinky guys

[thegoldenhoof]

I think about this interview a lot.

I think about how Jenkins thinks queer romances end up tragic/unrequited.

How these queer romantic characters deserve a happy ending.

How he gave this as an answer to the question about the death of the one character whose arc was very much queer and very much not romantic.

Its great to be able to see yourself in fairytale romances.

It would be still more amazing if those of us for whom romance was not in the picture and probably will never be could see our fantastical queer happy endings too....

But of course... How could you possibly tell happy queer stories without romance. Being queer is all about Love is Love after all /s

[spellshite]