#sad lesbian music

[lavenderfairycow]

my whole life i felt like i was too old for my time.

at ten my town burned into ashes and i stood in front of it in my wool coat and holding a shard of my dead grandmother's ceramic christmas tree.

when i was eleven i wrote a three-part collection of trauma poems and watercolor portraits, but the portraits were never of me, but of the people i saw in the shadows that no one else could see.

twelve years old and i moved into an empty house. small. crowded. i met a girl. she was really beautiful in my eyes. but she was fifteen going on sixteen, too old for me. i did not know how i felt except good. i felt so safe with her. and i had an inkling she felt the same.

when i was thirteen the same girl broke my heart. i thought i had felt love for her, looking back now it was just the idea, the reverie of love. but part of it was real. she would hold me close when the curtain fell, and i painted her on the largest canvas in my possession. i wrote her my longest work yet, of adoration, of admiration. she showed me music that threw my world up in flames and threw it back down to burn my lips to black. but she told me she couldn't do it. she couldn't make this work because she didn't care about me all that much. and it was an event i should have seen coming. but i was thirteen. i was naive. i was not suited to be in a loving relationship with a sixteen year-old. and that was the only truth i couldn't see.

fourteen and i watched call me by your name for the first time. listened to sufjan stevens all day long, and phoebe bridgers at night. sad lesbian music. heartbreak hangover. i wanted to keep talking to the girl i loved but it was so hard to keep a safe distance while doing so. and so, that spring before she turned seventeen, i wrote her two letters one month apart. and instead of going back to our used-to-be-normal, she told me to fuck off and never speak to her again. her name was evie.

when i turned fifteen, i was a little happier. i wanted that elio and oliver type of love. not, the elio at the end of the film type. on the phone, crying, whispering her name over and over and over again. i met someone else just as my first "love" and i began to be on better terms again. but this new girl was straight as a board, and she was one of my best friends. and i don't know how it ended with her, though i really loved her, a true love, not just an idea. because when we graduated, i missed my opportunity to tell her how i really felt for her. but then there was a monday night in october when evie called me "babe." and i didn't know how to respond. because she was the one who cut things off with me, so i just smiled and resisted the urge to scream or cry or both all at the same time. it wasn't the place. it wasn't the right time either. and i didn't love her anymore, if i ever did at all. it really felt ... over.

and as father sufjan said once, blessed be the mystery of love.

[hauntedbythenarrative]

Which playlist of mine are you?

https://uquiz.com/uy6NMa

((just a silly uquiz bc I was bored))

[ev3rmore4everlong]

𝐻𝑒𝑦, 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑖𝑐 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑃ℎ𝑜𝑒𝑏𝑒𝑠? 𝐼'𝑚 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑒𝑛𝑗𝑜𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑖𝑐 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑎𝑚 𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑣𝑖𝑑 𝑔𝑟𝑢𝑛𝑔𝑒 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑖𝑐 𝑜𝑟 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑠𝑎𝑑, 𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑒𝑟 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑖𝑐 𝑖𝑛 𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑙. (𝐵𝑡𝑤 𝐼 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑀𝑎𝑧𝑧𝑦 𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑀𝑖𝑡𝑠𝑘𝑖 𝑚𝑦 𝑓𝑖𝑟𝑠𝑡 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒).♥︎

[justcandace]

I'm re-recording my first album for its 10 year anniversary. I'm super proud of it and I'm thrilled that my best friends helped me make it. Over a dozen people have donated and many more have supported me in other ways, such as sharing this GoFundMe and offering words of encouragement.... but here we are, weeks away from the album being finished. There's still so much to do, I'm getting nervous, and I really want to celebrate this, you know? But the intrusive thoughts often break through and it's easy for me to sink into that mindset of "who gives a shit?"... and it's hard to ask for money or attention. I'm terrified of sounding ungrateful.

So if you could share this, or send some boss gurl vibes my way, I'd appreciate it. ✨️

[excavatinglizard]

Shoutout to my dad for being the funniest person I know

[thedevilsfamiliar]

Song link

[mythology-void]

okay so I was doing a Research™️ about ancient Greek etymology as one does and I found some Things that made me want to Violently Claw My Arms Off please allow me to force feed you my discoveries

So there are 2 words for "not" in ancient Greek, depending on the context: ou and mē. Having introduced himself in the Cyclops episode as " ou tis", or No-man, he then stabs Polyphemus in the eye. When Polyphemus' brothers come to check on him, they say this:

"... surely no man [mē tis] is carrying off your sheep? Surely no man [mē tis] is trying to kill you either by fraud or by force?"

Right after this, after the other cyclopes ditch Polyphemus, Odysseus's inner monologue goes something like this:

"Then they went away, and I laughed inwardly at the success of my clever strategem [metis]." (pronounced mEH-Tis)

Now, there's a difference between mē tis and metis. [mē tis] (pronounced mEH-Tis with a space between the syllables) is the literal translation for "no man". Metis is a word for extreme intelligence/cunning, which is something Odysseus is famous for.

Now, there are several examples of abuse of metis/intelligence in the Odyssey, but I think the juxtaposition between [mē tis], or the concept of anonymity, and metis, or extreme intelligence, is REALLY interesting. Odysseus's adoption of the title "No-man" was characteristic of metis--it was a really smart move that simultaneously hid him from the cyclops and avoided any future consequences. It was a highly effective strategy all wrapped up in a nest little package with a bow on it.

But when he revealed himself as Odysseus of Ithaca, effectively throwing off No-man (anonymity and [mē tis]), that was characterized as idiocy--he's essentially doxxed himself, and now he's doing to (spoiler alert) get tossed around the Mediterranean by Poseidon for the next 10 years.

This is really interesting because it lets you see the parallels/codependency between metis(intelligence) and humility. When Odysseus refused to allow himself to go unnoticed (hubris) he suffered for it. BUT when he declined instant glory/satisfaction (kleos) in order to achieve the long term goal of survival, he was rewarded with Athena's favor (pay attention. This part is important).

And this situation repeats itself MULTIPLE TIMES in the Odyssey--the EXACT SAME THING happens near the end of the book, with the suitors. When. Odysseus is dressed as a beggar and the suitors/Antinious are abusing him, he ACTIVELY CHOOSES not to react--he doesn't stand up and rip off his disguise and start hollering "TIS I, ODYSSEUS OF ITHACA! FEAR MY WRATH"

No. He sits there patiently and waits. He plans and schemes and quietly orchestrates their downfall without alerting them of it. Why? Because he learned his lesson the first time this happened. He buried his rage and adopted what was, according to Grace LA Franz, a more feminine form of metis, weaving a web of destruction for his enemies that ultimately resulted in their total annihilation (see Weaving a Way to Nostos: Odysseus and Feminine Metis in the Odyssey by Grace LaFranz). His patience allowed him to win the whole prize--no questions asked, no 10-year-long-business-trip strings attached--just the sweetness of a full victory. And he is, once again, rewarded with Athena's favor--both in the battle with the suitors and in the aftermath (cleanup/reuniting with Penelope).

This really reinforces the idea in the Odyssey that Odysseus's defining characteristic is not just his intelligence--it's his ability to learn from his mistakes. He used what he learned at the Lotus Eaters Island against Polyphemus--the Lotus Eaters drugged his men, so he drugged Polyphemus. He used what he learned from Circe and Polyphemus against the suitors--Circe used false sweetness and honeyed words to lure his men into a trap, so that's exactly what he did to the suitors. His hubris on Polyphemus' island cost his whole crew their lives, so he intentionally left well enough alone until the right time. He didn't just learn from his failures--he turned them into BATTLE STRATEGY.

i don't care what anyone says that is completely totally and objectively awesome

[kaeandthekonstellations]

The Transbian Song

[bloodsportified]

happy lesbian visibility week to this diva. loving her, missing her. you were sooo visible, babe!

[ohmanareyoucereal69]

[sunny-rants]

Bruce Springsteen is a sad butch lesbian in the same way that Hozier is a horny cottagecore lesbian

[waankyy]

i’ve never related so much to a character like hers 😕

[butchrat]

womanhood and the inherent tragedy of it

[justcandace]

10 years ago, I recorded what would be my first album in my friend's basement. I'm currently re-recording it with my friends Kat and the Hurricane, and I can't wait to put it out in the world! It sounds so polished and more mature but still pays homage to that 23 year old I was in 2013, just starting out. Check out the GoFundMe and share if you could?

[lesbianjudasiscariot]

going through the mitski tag:

haha what if we started respecting artists or is that too crazy

[napping-sapphic]

Yearning but it’s god i wish someone had the patience to teach me how to be loved, to teach me how to not run from it and how to reciprocate it how to show them i still love them even when i can’t reach out how to come back to them when i lose my way and how to accept care because god knows i can’t do it on my own