#calm the fuck down lae'zel

[gehayi]

Two goblin leaders down, one to go. Now if my Tav can just keep his party's fighter from killing the healer...

[meanbossart]

Because I love the idea of DU drow as a companion... how would you recruit him? Where do you find him, and what's his intro cutscene?

Hi, I've been thinking about this since I got this message :V

There's this nautiloid pod somewhere nearby the Owlbear cave right? So those things were just crashing all over the place, not just near the beach where the actual ship fell. I believe his pod could have had a similar fate and fallen somewhere off the beaten path.

Mind you that, In this scenario, waking up from the pod and onto the forest map would have been DU Drow's first-ever conscious minutes ever since having his mind wiped, so he truly has no fucking idea of what just happened - he just knows his head is in shambles and that he needs to survive for long enough for his memories to return, assuming they ever will. So, his immediate instinct would be to retreat away from where the people are.

I think underneath the bridge, where there's running water and some fauna/flora would be a good spot to find him. Players might take a day or two until they stumble across this weirdo companion and so they are more in the loop than he would be. You'd find a little blood-trail leading you down there, and eventually spot a fist's corpse with no shoes near the river - DU drow would be crouched down by the water washing blood off himself:

While the rest of the party may have been picked off random places as they went about their days, this guy was busy being dissected and put back together over and over again - and there's no way Kressa bothered to dress him back up fully before he was taken away from her (me allowing the man to have pants on at all is a mercy onto you all) so he begins with no armor, but to make up for that fact he's the only companion who begins with a great-sword, which he would have stolen from the fist.

When you approach he is perfectly calm, In fact, he doesn't seem all that there. He stands up and appears half-ready for a fight, but lets you speak first. You can either ask what he's doing here, or about the corpse. You get more or less the same answer to both:

If you successfully persuade him, he tells you with no particular tone of shame or remorse that you got him, he did kill him, however he claims he was attacked first. Whether you pry into his mind with the worm, or have a scroll of read-thoughts, you get the same narration:

"Behind the aloof facade, you find the drow's mind to be in a concerning state of disarray: dozens of thoughts racing, jumbled, all at once, each trailing into the next before you can catch a hint of substance. You don't find the answers you were looking for, just red goo."

You CAN however use speak to the dead on the corpse. If you do that, it's revealed that he is actually telling the truth; The fist found him and assumed him to be with the drow who raided Wakeen's rest. Otherwise, you have to either take his word for it, attack him, or leave him.

He will refuse your offers to join you/go to your camp until you reveal to him that you have been tadpoled - either through using the Illithid-worm option, or telling him upfront through normal dialogue. If you didn't peer into his head earlier, you will now, confirming to yourself and him that he's also been infected. Then, you can tell him you're looking for a cure, and he will agree to travel along. This gets you approval from Shadowheart, Karlach, and Astarion, and disapproval from Lae'zel, Wyll, and Gale.

If you attack, he's as easy a fight as any companion would be at that point. If you choose to leave him be/not tell him about your worm so he refuses to join, he will appear at your camp after two long rests, basically forcing himself to into your party unless you kill him. You find him hanging out around Withers and he tells you he's decided to travel with you from now on, and that he will make himself comfortable.

If you ask for his name, he tells you to just call him whatever you want to (cue like 5 joke dialogue answers - he responds to all of them with a snort and you get approval if you pick any flattering ones). Whatever you ask about him gets you a very blunt, vague response. If you have Shadowheart in your party/are playing as her, she implies he may be suffering from memory loss, finally prompting him to admit to it. Otherwise he only reveals this after a couple more long-rests.

[avocado-writing]

Hey there I hope you’re having a wonderful day, could I make a request for bg3? I’d like to request the crew with a noble barbarian tav, kind of like Godfrey from Elden ring. Normally they are very regal, eloquent, and in control, they might even think they are some knight until they finally let loose. Whether it’s their s/o in danger or a challenging battle, they just go to town, very ‘I have give thee courtesy enough!’.

oh anon, you're very kind to think that I'm a competent enough gamer to have played elden ring. writing these scenarios as if they're seeing you go into a rage for the first time!

Astarion

Very much an 'oh. oh! oh...' moment for him.

Doesn't want to confess that he's attracted to the way you go feral, but anyone looking at him during battle will see how he is affected.

He already thought you were charming with your eloquence and courtly mannerisms, but this drives him wild. The idea you had this potential thrumming through your veins this whole time is delicious.

He can smell the blood pumping through your veins as you rage and does something for him. If you're together, expect a visit from him that night.

Gale

Loves to engage you in long, thoughtful conversations over tea every night. Did not expect this side to you.

At first he thinks some untowards magic has been cast on you, but then he sees how in control you are even when you're letting loose.

Is flustered and flattered when you make sure he's safe in battle, using your rage to protect his body with yours.

Afterwards when you check he's okay he has to try and hide how much he's blushing as he stammers out an affirmative. Asks you lots of questions about the nature of your rage. Can't stop staring at you when you're in battle...

Wyll

Lets out a little "oh, my!" when you first rage in front of him.

A bit gobsmacked but jumps back into action, quickly helping you fend off whatever enemies have caused your ire.

Is over it remarkably quickly, and takes it in his stride - in camp the two of you discuss court and your respective times in it, laughing at tales of long gone social faux-pas...

And on the battlefield you are a machine cutting down everything in your wake as he uses finesse to dispatch your foes. He thinks you are night and day... but that you are wonderful.

Karlach

Sees you rage for the first time and she lets out a "FUCK YEAH!"

Drops into a rage by your side and the two of you absolutely decimate the battlefield. The gang of mercenaries who came for you never knew what hit them.

After you wipe your brow with an embroidered handkerchief from your pocket and offer her a spare, which she takes and uses (completely destroying it in the process with soot from her engine)

Geeks out with you every day about raging. The two of you discuss battle tecniques and play-wrestle, which more often than not brings down half the camp. She loves it. She thinks you're perfect.

Lae'zel

Never really gave you the time of day before now. She found your elegant manner irritating. Why use honeyed words when you can cut straight to the point?

But then, oh, she sees you rage, and she is enamoured.

That night demands that you tell her why you never said that you could fight like that. You have an argument saying you never felt the need to... it goes on until the two of you calm down and end up sitting well into the night discussing how you grew up as warriors.

She has a respect for you from then on, confident you can look after yourself on the battlefield. More often than not she watches you fight with an appreciative eye.

Shadowheart

Oh, she's thrilled. We know she likes barbarians anyway (see her thirsty dialogue about Karlach) so when you rage in front of her?

She just stares for a bit. It's all she's able to do.

When that staring leaves her vulnerable to attack and you come and defend her, oh, she's gone. She has such a crush on you. If she had one before, it's doubled.

You're always the first one she comes to check on after battle. She likes to lay her hands on your bicep as she's healing you, perhaps feeling the muscle a bit more than is necessary. Her cheeks are always bright pink.

[wiltedreamofbaldursgate]

Steady Hands, Frame My Love

characters: Astarion x race/class neutral fem!Tav/reader word count: +3.2k Rating: M trigger warning: mild-ish sexual content. bad eyebrows. This hasn't been beta-read nor am I a native speaker. read on ao3 read more BG3 one shots

Entrusting you with his face isn’t easy for Astarion, which is exactly why you’re so nervous about the whole thing to begin with. You want to do your very best—make him look his very best so that Astarion can feel good about himself. You couldn’t bear anyone making a bad comment on his appearance when he trusts you to be his mirror.

“Come out, spawn. There is no use in hiding.”

You know there is trouble when you spot Lae'zel in front of Astarion’s tent. Her tiny nose is scrunched up in a way that would be cute if it didn’t mean she wants to skin someone alive. The perfectly sharpened blade twitching in her hand is just another hint that she’s out for blood. You almost can’t blame Astarion for hiding from the Githyanki warrior’s wrath—almost, because it’s within every reason to assume he’s brought her wrath upon himself. 

Taking a quick look around camp, you find that everybody is suspiciously busy minding their own business for once, skillfully ignoring the one-sided commotion in front of your lover’s tent. You can’t really blame them either; it’s been a very long day, and everybody wants to get some rest before dinner. You have half the mind to do the very same when Lae'zel’s intense gaze suddenly locks with yours—an honest rookie mistake.

There’s no use pretending you haven’t noticed her now, so you put your journal aside and approach the red tent with long strides and a smile that you can only hope will have a calming effect on her. Unsurprisingly, your hopes are shattered instantly. 

Lae'zel doesn’t wait for you to friendly inquire about what the fuck the matter is this time; before you can even open your mouth, she’s all the way in your face.

“The spawn does as he pleases!”

Lae'zel would need to get a great deal more specific when it comes to Astarion, but you refrain from telling her so, opting for a questioning look instead. 

The young warrior shakes her head, annoyed that her explanation isn’t sufficient enough for your small istik brain to comprehend.

“It is the spawn’s turn to fetch water from the stream. Thus is his duty,” Lae'zel explains slowly, accentuating every word with a well-placed hiss to get her point across. “A duty he fails to perform.” 

You think it is progress that she isn’t waving her sword at you, although she does glare at you as if you were the offending party, which—since your relationship with the pale elf has become common knowledge around camp—you somewhat are.

“Where I am from, we make sure to keep our mates in check, however pleasing they might be. You might want to do the same.” 

Maybe not so much progress, after all.

“Haven't I made myself quite clear on that before, Lae'zel?”

Holding her intense glare, you stare the warrior down. You have made yourself clear on occasion—you aren’t Astarion’s keeper. 

It takes a moment, but Lae'zel is the first to break eye contact, eventually taking a step back. Not lowering your gaze, you wait patiently for her to continue.

“The spawn would better honour his word, or else…” She spits, not at you, but at Astarion’s firmly closed tent flap. 

“I will remind him,” you assure her, not unkindly.

Lae'zel looks you up and down before she inclines her head ever so slightly.

“I trust you will,” she drawls, glaring at the tent one last time before she stalks away.

Left to take care of the issue at hand, you frown at the closed tent flap. As much as Astarion bitches about pulling his weight in camp, it’s unlike him to not do his chores one way or the other. And now that you think about it, he’s set up his tent uncharacteristically fast earlier, too, not even trying to rope anyone in to help him do his work. The realisation that you haven’t seen him since he vanished into said tent quite a while ago settles unpleasantly in your stomach. 

“Astarion?”

You step closer to the heavy fabric closing off the tent’s entrance, listening. There’s no answer, although you do hear some hurried movement from within the tent. It’s a good sign, you suppose.

“You good in there?”

The silence stretches for another moment before Astarion finally lets out an exaggerated sigh. Going by the sound of it, he, too, must be standing rather close to the entrance.

“Truth be told, darling, I have been better.”

“Are you hurt?” You ask, not bothering to hide the obvious worry lacing your voice. 

When could he have even gotten hurt? Haven’t you checked up on everyone after your earlier fight with some overly pesky, giant spiders? Or is he just messing with you—trying to avoid his laborious chore after all?

It takes yet another moment for Astarion to mumble something incomprehensible in reply. With raised eyebrows, you repeat your question, which earns you another sigh from him, this time more exasperated than theatrical. 

“I just so happened to get some acid in my face when we took care of those cursed spiders and—”

“And?” You press, alarmed.

“It’s nothing, darling, really; it’s just—well…”

“Astarion!”

The vampire curses, and you can hear him step even closer to the tent’s opening, closer to you. You’re almost sure that if you pressed your hand against the fabric shielding him from you, you would be able to touch him. 

“They're gone,” he says, his voice so low you have to strain your ears to hear him. 

Your frown deepens. “What is?” 

More mumbling reaches your ear, and Astarion has to repeat himself twice before you can eventually make any sense of his words. You stare at the tent flap in disbelief. You can't have heard right.

“Your eyebrows are gone?”

Astarion inhales sharply. “Must you scream it around for everyone to hear? Come in, come in!”

Not knowing what to expect, you enter the tent. 

Astarion has retreated to the shadows; his hand is firmly pressed against his forehead. You stare up at him, trying to assess the situation. He looks pained alright, although you have an inkling it’s more from wounded vanity than actual injury. As you step closer to him, you give him a reassuring smile.

“So, acid, huh? I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

He is not convinced. At all. Wordlessly, he’s staring back at you, his jaw set. Your smile fades.

“Let me take a look?” You try again, feeling your already shaky optimism dwindle further.  

He thinks it over for a couple of heartbeats before he slowly drags his hand to his hairline, pushing up the stands of white hair that usually fall so gracefully in his face… 

Astarion must’ve drunk a healing potion because the presumably once-angry burns on his skin have already faded into pale red blotches sprinkled all over his forehead. By morning, nobody would even be able to tell the acid burns were ever there—were it not for Astarion’s eyebrows, or what’s left of them, that is.

You instantly force your face into a mask of neutrality. You have to approach this very delicately.

“It’s… salvageable. Really,” is all you can blurt out, though. 

Astarion’s crimson eyes grow comically round, accentuated by the lack of eyebrows; he doesn’t believe a word you say, which you can’t really hold against him. You’re talking shit. It’s bad, and you wonder how in the nine hells you haven’t noticed this before.

“You can redraw them here and…there,” you go on for lack of anything better to say—Gods, you really should shut up. “Fill them back in, you know…?” 

Astarion wets his lips while you're evading his piercing gaze.

“Why, what a grand idea,” he breathes, shakily. “I never would’ve thought of that myself. If only there wasn’t this one peculiar little thing. What was it again, my dear?”

You cringe. Of course. Of course… How could you forget?

“Ah, right…” You only notice the delicate hand mirror Astarion was holding when it flies across the tent, shattering somewhere on the bare ground farthest from you. “I can’t fucking see my face!” 

As if all strength has left his body, Astarion sinks to the ground, where he lets himself fall back into his pile of blankets, arms draped over his eyes. It’s all rather dramatic, but you guess you can’t have one without the other. 

Grimacing, because you’re sorry for him, you sink to your knees next to him, gently tugging at his sleeve. 

“Do you want me to do it? Redraw them, I mean.”

You can tell by the way Astarion sits up as if struck by lightning that he was only waiting for your offer. Suddenly very close, he considers you with narrowed eyes.

“I suppose you could,” he muses, tracing the shape of your left eyebrow with his index finger. “You usually look presentable enough.” 

You let the comment slide, but not without rolling your eyes at him. It’s just show, though, a way to suppress a smile. Astarion thinks he’s sly about it, but you catch him often enough looking at you as if you were the sun at dawn. 

Of course, you would never dare mention that to him.

“Give me a minute,” you say instead, already rising to your feet, were it not for the cold fingers curling around your wrist.

Astarion gives you a stern look as he's holding you in place, his nose nearly brushing against yours. “Not a word to anyone about this.” 

You give him a solemn look in return as you comb your fingers through his hair, gently guiding some stray locks back into place. “I’ll take your secret to the grave.”

Your hand is trembling just a little—enough for Astarion to notice. Enough for that damn smirk to find its way to his lips. You hold your breath. 

“Nervous, love?” 

Yes, and it’s stupid because you’ve done this often enough—daily, even. It’s just easier to apply cosmetics on yourself, sitting in front of a mirror and not kneeling in front of him, trying to evade his piercing gaze. 

“Why would I be?” You scowl, readjusting the hold on your charred willow stick that has yet to make contact with Astarion’s skin. “Aren’t my eyebrows, are they?”

You shift closer to him, brushing against his leg with your knee, which doesn’t help your case at all. You can’t help feeling a little shaky when he’s this close—and he knows it. 

“No need to tremble like a virgin, then, my sweet.” 

Giving him a sharp look, you draw back a little, although you don’t make it far. 

“Maybe you just need to come a little closer still,” he purrs as his hand takes hold of the back of your knee, pulling you onto his lap in one swift motion. “Might be less distracting for you…”

For someone close to having a meltdown less than fifteen minutes ago, he’s surely having lots of fun now. Biting your lower lip, you adjust your weight, straddling Astarion properly. Trying to ignore the hard body pressing against yours, you assess the natural growth of his eyebrows again, eventually setting the tip of the charred willow stick down on his skin, only to remove it again. This won’t work like this. 

“Honestly, can you please just close your eyes?” 

Astarion scoffs. “Should I blow out the candles, too, while I’m at it? Leave the nightdress on?” 

“Shut up, or you’ll end up looking like a clown.” 

That eventually does the trick. He gives you one last look that is somewhere between peeved and wary before he closes his eyes. 

Entrusting you with his face isn’t easy for Astarion, which is exactly why you’re so nervous about the whole thing, to begin with. You want to do your very best—make him look his very best so that Astarion can feel good about himself. You couldn’t bear anyone making a bad comment on his appearance when he trusts you to be his mirror. The thought alone makes you shudder.

Astarion’s hand wanders up from your knee to your hip, giving it a gentle squeeze; this time, his touch is more encouragement than teasing. 

After taking a deep breath, you lean back in. 

With steady hands, you begin to redraw the missing parts of his eyebrows. Taking your time, you make sure to follow the natural shape of them; to blend out the colour where the charcoal comes off as too stark a contrast to his white hair. 

While you’re working, Astarion doesn’t move one bit, eager—for once—to not fluster you. It’s not until you lean back to consider the fruits of your labour that he opens his eyes again. 

“And?”

“Well,” you muse, “you look presentable enough.” 

He scowls as you throw his own words back at him; you suppress a laugh before you take his face between your hands.

“If I could see the stars right now, I could not tell them apart from you,” you proclaim, mimicking his dramatics once again. It’s not as funny when you do it, so you’re quick to add, “You’re as beautiful as ever.”

You mean it, and Astarion knows it; trusts that you do. He leans forward to brush a kiss against your lips, hugging you to him, which is as much thanks as you expected to receive. 

“Will you do it again tomorrow? And the day after,” he mumbles into the crook of your neck, “please?”  

“Of course,” you assure him, deepening the embrace, “until they’ve grown back.”  

Astarion hums in agreement and you remain like this for a moment before you pull back to look into his eyes, which are once again framed by a pair of sharp eyebrows accentuating his perfect features. 

“I should’ve noticed earlier,” you say, at last. “I’m sorry. I’m not a very good mirror, it seems.” 

Astarion frowns at you, the intensity of his gaze taking you aback as it is wont to do. 

“Don’t be,” he urges, gently taking your dominant hand in his. He runs his fingers along the back of it, careful not to put too much pressure on your still-raw skin. His touch stings nonetheless, reminding you of your own acid burns that have yet to heal—those spiders really are a menace. “You should be more careful, too, you know? You’re the only working mirror I have.”

You’re lying flat on your back before you can even gasp in surprise. To your embarrassment, your legs have already wrapped around Astarion’s waist; all you can see is that damn smirk on his lips as he’s towering over you, his face barely a finger width away from yours. Your breath hitches as you take him in; nobody has any right to be this beautiful. 

“It would be a shame if I lost it, my precious little mirror,” he sighs before pressing his lips to yours. 

It’s a far cry from his earlier kiss—heated, needy. Knowing you don’t stand a chance against his tongue gliding over your lower lip, you open your mouth to him, slowly losing yourself in him. There’s really nothing easier than that.

Your hand moves to the back of his neck, pulling him even closer as your fingers dig through his locks, eliciting a low moan from him. This is a lot more thanks for your service than you’ve expected, but you find yourself unable to complain. Your mouth is far too occupied for that anyway.

It’s almost obscene how easily Astarion can undo your stays and by the time his hand finds its way underneath your thin shirt, your mind is long clouded by lust. Leaving goosebumps in its wake, his hand glides over your belly up to your sternum before it firmly cups your breast. The lazy pace of his thumb drawing circles around your hardened nipple has you aching your back, trying to ease the wet heat gathering between your legs. 

Wet.

Somewhere very far in the back of your mind, you remember that you had a reason for coming to him earlier—way before you ended up on his lap, let alone underneath him. Let alone this damn wet. What was it again? 

You break loose from Astarion to take a quick breath. Not wasting any time away from you, his lips begin to trace along your jaw, your throat, your collarbone; his wicked grin is painfully obvious against your skin. By the time you realise Astarion is scheming something, he’s already pushing his knee under your ass, repositioning you so that you can feel his hardness pressing against your core. You hiss at the sudden contact. 

Ah, right—hiss! Lae'zel.

You throw your head back with a sigh as Astarion begins to grind his hips against you, making any thought of the Githyanki warrior evaporate quickly. Fuck Lae'zel and her sense of duty and honour. You can just sit out her wrath with Astarion right here, right now, however long it may take. It doesn’t really matter that you’re not sitting much, either.

But then again, maybe this is why your companions take offence at you the moment Astarion is stepping out of line, although you’re sure they would be biassed, too, if they knew how positively divine he feels—especially when he’s teasing the waistband of your trousers with his long fingers as he does now. Your hips move in answer to his touch, and yet…Fuck.

You groan. Not with pleasure but from your own sense of duty. The others trust you as much as Astarion does; that’s why they somehow thought it wise to make you their leader. Almost annoyed with yourself, you prop yourself up on one elbow, pressing your hand against Astarion’s chest, telling him to stop before you’re way past the point of no return. 

He raises an eyebrow at you. His hair is messy and his lips are red and swollen from your kisses and by the Gods you want him to fuck you. It takes you a very long moment to gather yourself.

“Now that we took care of your issue,” you pant, tracing the shape of his left eyebrow with your index finger, “you might wanna go fetch water if you don’t want Lae'zel to wipe them off right away.” 

Tilting his head, Astarion gives you a long look. His fingers keep digging into your thigh which has you grinding your teeth to suppress another sigh. He doesn’t buy your attempt at keeping order and peace, not when he can undoubtedly feel you trembling with need for him. You’re not even protesting when he leans back over you, one arm next to your head to support his weight. 

“So, what?” he breathes against your shoulder before planting a hot kiss against your skin. And another. And another, as he is slowly kissing his way down your body. “You said you would redo them over and over and over again, didn’t you, darling?” 

Holding your breath, you watch your shirt being pushed up the lower he’s moving down on you, gasping only when the crisp evening air caresses your exposed chest. 

Astarion’s trail of kisses comes to a halt right below your belly button. His crimson eyes are looking at you expectantly but you’re too preoccupied with his fingers slowly undoing your trousers to make any sense of his wordless question. You swallow. 

“You did say that, didn’t you?” He repeats, the amusement evident in his voice.

“Yes,” you nod rather enthusiastically. “No problem. Not at all.” 

“That’s what I thought,” Astarion grins, finally freeing you of your trousers to see how pathetically ready you already are for him.

Duty can wait a little longer, you decide as you give yourself over to the pale elf. You only promised Lae'zel to remind Astarion of his chores, not that you would make him do them, you reason. 

You’re not his keeper, after all. 

[m00nlight-ramblings]

A Friend

Astarion is not one to get close to people - friendship or otherwise. So when you are kind to him with no ulterior motive, he is...taken aback.

The sunlight dipped behind the trees as the air became colder - a brisk breeze that was very welcomed by the party, especially after the long battle you had found yourselves in for most of the day. Bloodied and exhausted, thankfully you all left with your lives, but it was still hard to calm yourselves nonetheless. Gale was tending the dinner he was cooking over the open flame of the pit in the middle of camp, while Wyll and Karlach sous-cheffed around him. Halsin was deep in meditation at the entrance of his tent, Shadowheart was reading, and Lae'zel was...well, being Lae'zel inside of her tent (probably angry about the way a squirrel looked at her on the trail or something).

And then...there was Astarion.

He was reading outside of his tent, his hand absentmindedly just...waving in the air down by his hip, as if in a trance. There was something about this vampire spawn that was confusing to you - entrapped and slaved for 200 years probably didn't leave a lot of room for self-discovery, so his confusing emotional tendencies left you intrigued. A man who was so charismatic, yet didn't accept friendship. You sipped on your wine and poured some in another goblet near you, instantly deciding to stand and walk over to him. You stood in front of him and silently held out the cup.

It took a beat, but Astarion noticed you and looked up from his seat, his eyes moving from the cup to your face. He smiled quickly, "Hello, darling. What can I help you with?"

"I figured you could use a glass of wine after the day we had. We wouldn't have gotten out of there alive thanks to your handywork," You paused for a moment, "Or...can you...not drink before hunting tonight?"

He chuckled and raised an eyebrow, accepting the goblet and standing, "Why wouldn't I be enjoy a glass of wine before hunting? You think I'd be too drunk to see a boar running in my path?"

You shrugged and tilted your head, "You never know. Need to keep your senses sharp."

He sipped the wine and eyed you cautiously, "Y/N....darling, may I ask what you need?"

There was an uncomfortable silence in the air as you tried to find your words carefully. You knew Astarion was much more sensitive than he led on, and you didn't want to upset him, "Can I not...spend some time with you? Unless you're really into your book? Then I can come back later-"

"Yes, you said that, but what I'm asking is why you are wanting to spend time with me. What do you need?" He cut you off, taking another sip of wine.

You were...confused. Stuttering, you tried to explain yourself, "Because I...want to spend time...with someone who I'm...adventuring with? That I enjoy spending time with? You know, beginnings of a friendship thing...?" Your voice trailed off as you looked at your feet. You remembered the fun moments you shared around the campfire, or in transportation, or at Inns, almost always in a group. You even remember making Astarion laugh on a few occasions. Was it possible that you had been reading the situations wrong?

"Friend?" Astarion nearly spat out, his eyes narrowing, "You think we're...'friends'?"

You felt a blush rise to your cheeks and you shook your head, embarrassed, "You know what? Forget it. Just...never mind. When you're done with your wine, drop it off at my tent later-" You turned to leave and could feel embarrassed tears spring to your eyes - a sad feeling, akin to a little girl being rejected by a group on the schoolyard - filled your stomach. You knew he has lived in darkness and sadness for 200 years but fuck, he was rude sometimes.

"W-wait! Y/N, wait," He gently grabbed your wrist, causing your wine to spill a little. You waited before you turned, afraid Astarion would say something about your tears. He didn't, but instead, he tilted his head. His eyes were soft, "I'm...sorry. That was not kind of me. Forgive me, I..." His voice trailed off, a hint of nervousness rising in his inflection, "The word 'friend' is...foreign to me. And I didn't mean..." He gestures to the flat rock he was sitting on previously, "Please, sit? I'd like to enjoy this wine together."

You're a bit taken aback as you sit slowly, watching him as he does the same. "Friendship is a new...concept to you." I state, taking a small sip. I imagine just what kind of company he kept while enslaved, and had a suspicion that it wasn't any kind close to a friend.

"Yes, it is," He stared out at the fire, 20 feet away from us. Wyll laughed at something Karlach said and I noticed that Astarion had a look on his face I hadn't seen before. I stayed silent, making space for him to speak, "I was only 39 when I was taken. A mere...child. The idea of having any friends hasn't crossed my mind in...years," He paused and looked at you, a soft smile appearing, "Even now, as we go through this journey together...laughter is but a brief moment. I've had many - many lovers-" He punctuates this with a change of inflection, "But friends? Not my style."

"Style?" You ask, genuinely curious.

He nods, "When your whole life is either enemies or lovers, with no in between, it becomes very hard to imagine the concept of a 'friend'."

"Oh, so you just need someone to be a friend to you to understand." You stated, matter-of-factly. You smiled and started to count the group, "You have 5.5 right here. I'm not counting Lae'zel because I don't think she wants friends, and I'm only counting half of Shadowheart because sometimes she's so grumpy she doesn't seem like a friend. But you have us! Me, and Wyll...Gale, Karlach, and Halsin."

Astarion chuckles softly and looks at the ground, "Friendships just don't appear out of thin air."

"Yeah, well, tadpoles generally don't get shoved behind our eyeballs either but look what happened to us." I tentatively put a hand on his shoulder, gently. When he doesn't shrug away, I leave it there, "Astarion...I'm sorry about what has happened to you. What you've gone through...I can't imagine. But the gods have brought us all together under these, well...odd...circumstances, to say the least. And I don't want to push you, but just know I'm here for you, okay?"

He doesn't speak but looks at you. You notice him fiddling with the wine goblet.

"And in due time, between the 'brief moments of laughter', and the late night talks around the campfire, and the saving-each-others-asses-from-Goblins, and the stories of our past...that's when friendship appears. Not out of thin air...but out of cultivation. And love. Only if you want it."

"You would not want to be my friend." He says quietly, to the ground more than to you. You heart sinks a bit - most of the time Astarion can be a dramatic man-child who is prone to temper tantrums if he doesn't get his way. Or, the horniest being in all of the land - no in between. But in his vulnerable and sensitive moments, you can see the pieces of him add up.

"I think that's for me to decide," You gently touch his shoulder with yours and stand, taking his goblet from him. Yes, maybe his past was sordid, even if he had no control over it, but the world seemed to be upside down now. And people can grow. You would have never been friends with someone who had an infernal engine put into their body either, but sometimes life doesn't go according to plan. "I am going to get more wine. And I will pour you a glass. I'll be over by the fire having dinner if you'd like to join me," You look him in his eyes, trying to show how sincere you were, "I will never push you to be a friend, especially if you don't want it. But I also want you to know that I will be a friend waiting for you if you want it. And either way, I will always show you kindness...unless you try to secretly bite me in the middle of the night without asking me first, because then I'll beat the shit out of you."

Astarion smiled and a slight chuckle escaped his lips, sounding almost like a melodic purr. You could've sworn you saw the beginnings of tears in his eyes.

"The disgusting things you were put through are not who you are. And it will take time, but we will help you escape that past. But in the meantime, I will get more wine. I'll see you by the fire pit." You smiled and walked to your tent, grabbing the wine carafe.

Astarion stared after you, his heart soaring. After so many years, he had never looked at anyone as more than an enemy, prey, or a throw-away lover, either wanting their presence to be gone as soon as he gotten what he wanted from them, or terrified of their presence. The idea that someone could stay in his life and he would enjoy it was terrifying - let alone multiple people all at once. His anxiety spiked as he thought of it, but when he looked out to the group, he felt a sense of peace. Slowly, he got up and made his way over to the fire pit, sitting next to Wyll who was doling out plates of dinner.

And there, he waited for his friend to get him a glass of wine.

------

Just a little drabble I wanted to put into writing! I hope you all enjoyed!

Please remember my inbox is open and I'm accepting requests, and I'd love to get writing!!

[autistichalsin]

I tried to have this conversation a few weeks ago and it didn't go well, so after giving it time to calm down I am bringing it up now on my own page, about the importance of allowing fans who can't afford the game, or who otherwise can't play for themself due to disabilities, etc, a space in the fandom. And in particular, this involves deconstructing the idea that Let's Plays aren't a valid way to experience this media, and that people who didn't purchase the game don't belong here, both of which are harmful, classist, ableist ideas.

(Tone: genuine. Not angry or aggressive, but passionate.)

I want to say that as much as I enjoy playing BG3 and am glad I bought it, there really isn't anything that I have gained, in terms of understanding of the plot, lore, characters, relationships, etc, that I didn't already have when I was watching Let's Plays and using the datamined dialogues exclusively. Nor has my emotional experience been significantly different in any measurable way. I mean, I WAS very happy to recruit and romance Halsin in a way that I didn't feel when I watched a Let's Play, but that's it. It didn't change my understanding of, or feelings towards, him at all. I knew Halsin's entire story before, and I knew his entire story after, too. My feelings on each and every one of Halsin's scenes has remained exactly the same.

There wasn't any character I thought was a bad guy who I saw something new in when I played for myself, or vice-versa. I didn't have any paradigm shifts in my understanding of the plot. The bad guy was still a Nether Brain controlled by the Chosen of the Dead Three in each playthrough. The good guys were still a group of traumatized weirdos (/affectionate). Astarion was still a victim of rape and slavery, Shadowheart was still a cult escapee, and Halsin still struggled with the burdens of leadership. There were still choices that could make the companions bar Jaheira and Minsc fall in love with you, and choices that could make them despise you. There were still choices that could push some of the characters to be better or worse versions of themselves. There were still a lot of notes and books to pick up, some of which were important to the lore, some of which provided random factoids about bit characters you may find interesting or may find useless, and many of which were completely useless and a waste of inventory space. I didn't learn anything new in the informational sense, about the plot, the characters, the flow of the game, nothing.

(Well, there was ONE different thing, which was that I ended up being an edge case where I accidentally shot Lae'zel with my arrow when trying to free her and got yelled at by her for it. Does that actually count as a unique-to-playing revelation though? Everyone who watched me stream that day would have learned about it too.)

I didn't experience some overwhelming emotional shift in response to the events onscreen that wasn't there when I watched Let's Play, either, which is also an argument that has been made. There's been a case presented that it's not so much that the events themselves change but that playing somehow alters your emotional response which affects how you view the plot and characters. But that didn't happen for me, either. I didn't go from "I do not care one single solitary fuck about Barcus Wroot" to "oh my god I will give this poor liddol guy the world." I still do not care about him. I didn't go from "yay, the moon lesbians are free!" to some sort of more intense emotion like "omg I'm going to cry now!" I still love them and am happy they're free, but hardly moved to tears. I didn't go from "fuck Orin" to "MEGA fuck Orin." Making the choices and fighting the battles myself didn't change anything for me in that sense. There was no emotion I hadn't already felt before that came to me in my own playthrough. Every emotion I had when watching a Let's Play was almost exactly the same when I played the game for myself.

If anything, the only real change was that I started to have annoyance as a sort of background radiation for about 90% of the companions because I kept accidentally talking to them when trying to click on items and things, and I got really fucking tired of hearing their greetings? "Shut up, Astarion, I wanted to loot the corpse, not talk to you, please back the fuck up. Why is my party always halfway up my ass? Personal space, guys?" Otherwise nope.

My understanding of canon, my understanding of the characters, my emotional resonance to the events that happened, those were all exactly the same. I literally don't know what people are referring to when they say that there was some magical new dimension of feeling that can only be unlocked when you are the one playing. Whatever that magic was certainly wasn't there for me, and that disproves the idea it's "impossible" to fully experience the game through LPs, because having played the game, I can say that I DID get the full experience through LPs. Maybe some people can't get the full feel of things by watching, which is 100% valid, but some people very much can. I did both, and I can tell you that they conferred 98% similar intellectual and emotional experiences.

In fact, I'd argue that there's more of a difference between playing as a Tav or an Origin vs playing as a Dark Urge than there is between playing yourself vs watching an LP, but I don't often see the case made that people who haven't completed a Durge playthrough don't understand the game properly and therefore can't/shouldn't contribute their analyses/interpretations of canon to the fandom. And I mean, there is some HEAVY lore you only get in a Durge playthrough. You would have a FAR better case that completing/watching a Durge playthrough is the event that marks you as understanding/having a complete knowledge of canon than you would that playing the game yourself instead of watching someone else do it is, though I still wouldn't ultimately agree that it's a prequisite.

People who watch LPs are valid, your way of experiencing the game is valid, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise because honestly, people who gatekeep are never worth listening to in the first place. The idea that your understanding becomes more complete when playing yourself isn't true for everyone. You can say they weren't the same experience for you, and that is PERFECTLY valid and understandable, but that's only you. You can't say what others are and aren't able to feel when playing vs watching Let's Plays. The only correct statement here is "some people are able to fully comprehend the plot through Let's Plays, and some aren't, and the mode of consuming the game ultimately doesn't determine whether a person belongs here. Both groups still belong in the fandom and have just as valid opinions to contribute as the others."

Further, I have seen absolutely brilliant, on-point analyses from people who only watched Let's Plays, and absolutely horrible, nuclear hot takes from people who spend all day playing the game. Just the other day, for example, I legitimately witnessed a Redditor VEHEMENTLY argue that 1. There was a scene in the game where Halsin called Thaniel "beautiful", 2. This nonexistent scene was ABSOLUTE proof that Halsin was a pedophile, and 3. Halsin's time as a sex slave had clearly caused him to become a pedophile. People who had seen only the intro of the game on an LP would STILL have a better understanding of canon than this person who claimed to have played dozens of times. If we're going to judge people's understanding of the game, it should be based on the understanding their posts convey directly, not based on assumptions about who can absorb what amount of information through what mode of consuming the game.

So I repeat: LP watchers, you're fine. Enjoy fandom in a way you can experience. You shouldn't be locked out of discussion of the game just because you can't afford hundreds of dollars for a game system. To suggest otherwise would be appallingly cruel and exclusionary behavior, on the level of saying bootleg watchers can't be part of discussions about Broadway shows. You all belong. You don't have to buy your way into a fandom space.

And bringing it to that issue: yes, Let's Plays ARE an absolute necessity for both poor people and for people with certain disabilities (blindness, since the game doesn't have a narrative-only mode, and severe disabilities affecting the hands being the two that jump to mind right away). Gatekeeping fandom from poor people based on whether they've bought an expensive game and gaming setup, much like being an anti-bootleg Broadway fan, serves the sole purpose of shaming and punishing poor fans for not properly engaging in the capitalist system. I know the intention isn't to gatekeep the poor and people with certain disabilities from the fandom, but that ends up being the effect when this particular argument gets made.

[oops-all-concrete]

BG3 fandom! I have more headcanons- but first!!

I must issue a very loud

⚠️SPOILER WARNING⚠️

For The Dark Urge playthrough of Baldurs Gate 3! There is no further warning below the cut, so if you care not to be spoiled, do not continue to read!

For those of you interested- ahead lies: Angst, hurt/comfort, canon-typical violence, blood, mentions of death, no MCD or any perma-death anyway, and lots of love. Greif and pain and emotional hurt are heavy themes as well!

Last warning! ⚠️Spoilers ahead⚠️

I've just gotten to this point in the Dark Urge run (where you reject Bhaal and fucking) DIE, and DUDE- I am stunned companions say NOTHING to your LITERAL DEATH after rejecting Bhaals gift or whatever. (Not in the scenes anyway) So, I'm writing how I think they'd respond cinematically, because your lively Durges deserve to be mourned and loved.

(Of course in-game this would be limited to the dialogue, but I've describes how they would be animated anyhow)

Lae'zel -

She's running to Durge the moment they start lifting from the ground, but pauses once their eyes start rolling back and blackening. There's something beyond her control happening, and she needs it to stop- and it does. With Tav hitting the floor eyes black, soul gone. She's immediately yelling at the others to do something, hand her a scroll, something- but nothing is working. Her shoulder slump after a good few minutes. And finally her voice breaks. She holds a hand to her chest as she wails in agony, holding her Tavs body like it's the last time- because to her- it is. "My angel, my moon. My great protector. I have failed you" She hisses, eyes scrunched shut.

Shadowheart -

She's been afraid her whole life. But even in the face of Bhaal, she will not be afraid if it means Tav will be safer. She immediately casts warding bond, if they're in danger, she'll halve it. If you're going to get hurt, so shall she- and she's okay with that. "Hang on-!" And then it all goes black, she falls without a word or scream, but she's content. If she dies protecting Durge, she cannot ask for better.

(After cutscene convo) Once Durge has been revived by Withers, it's up to them to get a scroll and revive her from the bloodied mess on the floor. She's stunned and confused, but the moment she sees Tav okay she couldn't care less. Why did you do that? "It might sound silly, but I was scared that you would be alone through whatever was about to happen. I don't regret it, if you're wondering"

Wyll -

"Gods- NO!" He shouts, a hand reaching out for them as they hit the ground. He's over them in a flash, holding their head in his arms, trying desperately to wake them, find a pulse, wake up himself and have this all be some sick nightmare. But of course, no such thing happens. The Tav he knows and loves just ceased living before his eyes. There's blood soaking into his every apparel and he's crying his eye out. It crosses his mind. Mizora is powerful- even if she can't fix this, she will know someone or something that can. He'd give anything- his whole life, he'd gladly be a lemure if it gave Tav back. He almost calls for her- until Withers starts his speech. (During the 'your rejection of Bhaal has earned you a place among heroes' section of his dialogue, he'll turn to Wyll and add: 'No devil's, demons or feinds required, I assure you')

Karlach -

If she wasn't raging before, she is now. A tomb-rocking scream echoes around the chamber, eyes wide with horror, body shaking and burning all over, engine out of control but she couldn't care less. One of the others will tell her to calm down. "FUCK THAT! FUCK EVERYTHING! FUCK THE GODS ABOVE AND THE HELLS BELOW." She roars. It goes on, swearing, screaming, swinging- and then, finally- collapse. She drops to her knees and punches the hard ground next to Tavs body, sobbing and exhausted. Withers walks in the the most gut-wrenching agonised scream of why

Gale -

He's frozen as it happens. His hands crackle with weave but he can't move. He needs to do something- anything, but time moves without him. All he knows is he can't breathe, all he can smell is blood and he thinks he's going to be sick. He can hear invisible bones cracking, distant blood dripping and their last choke. The wizard stumbles forward, barely making it to their body before collapsing beside them, on his knees and positively glowing from the mark on his chest. The orb can sense his distress and buzzes within him, as though it can smell the death. He pulls and hand to his mouth, kissing it gently- unable to comprehend a kiss goodbye. "Oh- Gods. Oh my love" he sobs, brows furrowed in what looks like physical pain. "I'm so sorry... I'm so, so sorry..." He wheezes out, scarcely finding breath.

Astarion -

He doesn't let their head hit the ground. He's swift as he catches them, but frantic as he sets their head on his thighs as a pillow. He pulls open their eyelids only to find a blackened core beneath, animalistic and distinctly unfamiliar. "Wake up, damn you...not after all this! You don't get to go!" He yells sounding genuinely furious- like he was going to get violent. If any of the others approach he doesn't notice. "We still have a cult to cull, we have a brain to control- I need you!" He yells, voice raw and eyes wet, the anger melting into greif. He makes a sheild of himself over Durge when Withers walks in, dagger/shortsword in hand, teeth bared, despite his damp face.

(Withers greets Astarion: 'Cry no more Spawn of sanguine- the universe is finally in your favour')

(Only Halsin is romanced for obvious reasons, but closeness is still implied for Minsc and Jaheira)

Halsin -

He catches Durge on the way down, their head on his chest as he lays them down over himself. "My heart? Can you hear me? Please say something" He begs hands glowing with healing magic, eyes aglow as well. He tries for a little, but then his breathing changes entirely, a small hushed gasp sounds from him, his he starts shaking his head, eyes wide. "Oh- oh Gods- Silvannus, please- I cannot bear to lose- oh Gods" He gasps, breath becoming harsher- finally letting tears fall. "Oak Father- please, wherever they go- keep them safe" he prays, teeth gritted in agony.

Jaheira -

She looks away as Tavs life is sapped away, unable to watch another Bhaalspawn friend suffer. When all falls still and silent, she looks among the other companions, shocked and frozen. "They're at peace now. Take comfort in knowing they chose to keep you all safe." She says with a proud nod- but her eyes are wet and her nose scrunched a little with a sniff.

Minsc -

There's small squeaking in the berserkers ear, before he sighs, almost a sob and speaks with a tired voice. "Wise words, Boo. I only wish our friend could hear you" Before he turns away, unable to look at them on the floor. "I am proud to have called them our friend. We should make them proud in return"

Hope you enjoyed! To the lovely people who have made requests, I will get to them as soon as I can!! Thank you for the requests, and please feel free to send me more!

[thepunchingbag]

For my Astarion playthrough in early Act 1, I 100% was a murderous dick. Honestly was planning on burning down the Grove and just giving in to all his worst impulses.

Didn't plan on romancing Karlach at all, in fact was planning on doing a full evil run and knew she'd leave if the Grove was destroyed. Lae'zel and Astarion are each others toxic enablers for most of Act 1, roleplayed that Astarion sees her as his best option to find out more information on the mindflayers/tadpoles so he flirts/sleeps with Lae'zel to gain an advantage. The sex is very transactional.

Didn't recruit Wyll even though Karlach wanted to (Astarion would have actually killed Wyll if Karlach hadn't basically told everyone to Calm The Fuck Down), because Wyll is a monster hunter and at that point Astarion hadn't revealed that he was a vampire. Waaaaaay too much of a risk for him.

Karlach honestly disapproved a lot during the beginning but then, at the goblin camp, Karlach finally told him something that REALLY got under his skin.

Karlach told Astarion, "So, did that make you feel big? Did it make you feel strong? You're pathetic..."

The voice acting was great because she sounded DISGUSTED with Astarion's sniveling little ass.

And then when Astarion kills the Gur in a fit of rage/panic (headcanon that Astarion freaks out since the Gur just says his name in front of everyone and now the jig is up), Karlach actually has a long, stern conversation with him and she actually empathizes. She tells him that they're in this "together-together" so long as he doesn't keep secrets.

And uh, he didn't see that coming. But her response actually got through to him.

So yeah, guess it was a full-on enemies to friends to lovers arc.

[thefloatingstone]

Question, so far in BG3 what do you think about each companion and who is your favorite ? Personally, like many, I pick Karlach !

I like the companions but I am still figuring them out (which is funny considering I have 50 hours into the game which is longer than the entirety of Mass Effect 1).

Lae'zel - Completely out of her depth culturally but at this point unaware of it. Very black and white in her thinking regard right and wrong... and yet surprisingly VERY quick to move someone from the "wrong" side in her head over to the "right" side. I was shocked by how she instantly liked Karlach the second Karlach explained her situation to us, and had 0 problem in immediately being like "this is a good one." despite her history. Thinks she's big and tough but is actually just a tsundere. Reminds me of Worf.

Gale - shockingly quick to latch on and trust people. To a degree that suggests he's a little bit desperate for affection. However it's not manipulative or anything, it's very genuine. He just trusts too quickly and will drink up any positive interaction like a man dying of thirst. possible praise kink.

Astarion - Like I said in the other post; essentially a cat that's been mistreated its whole life and will now swat and hiss at anyone trying to be nice to him simply out of fear. Constantly afraid but is hiding it behind sass or bitching. Only member left in the team who is still stuck on neutral in terms of relationship with Tav. Is constantly annoyed with me for being nice to the broken the beaten and the damned. Almost certainly because his experiences have taught him if you're not powerful you will be abused by those who are and it's upsetting to see someone who doesn't follow this internal logic of his. Needs a hug and a hot chocolate.

Wyll - Guy of all time. But he does come with hot demon mommy so that's a plus.

Shadowheart - obviously grew up a spoiled little princess by people who are actively grooming her for some fucked up religious role and have been telling her for her whole life that it's TOTALLY awesome and TOTALLY special and that she's TOTALLY special for being trained for it when really they're just brainwashing her into thinking getting used and and forced into something without her consent is something she actually wants and she should be proud of it. She hasn't figured this out yet tho and mostly still has amnesia about it which is 100% just more grooming. For some reason unlike my friend who found her insufferable and bratty, she's been very nice to me. Sucks to use in a fight tho.

Karlach - Ray of fucking sunshine. Somehow both the mom friend AND the little sister friend. Most purehearted member of the whole lot. Has the ADHD experience of literally vibrating in place but getting told by the entire world to "calm down" and "sit still". Uncomplicated but not in a bad way. Nothing but good vibes all the time. Has never had a bad thought about anybody. Deserves the fucking world.

[spicyraeman]

Instead of fucking with Gortash lore, Larian should make Jaheira romanceable =w=

Now, with Laezel x Jaheira , how are Jaheira's kids reacting and how much comedic is it ? ^^

I would agree with you except I 100% do not trust Larian to not fuck it up spectacularly considering how bad they fumbled some of the current romances

As for Jaheira's kids reaction to Lae'zel and her, Rion and Jord are 1000% giving them shit for the rest of their lives. They're both the butt of just so many joke after the whole initial WTF of the situation calms down. Rion is just looking for any excuse to slip a dig into any interaction they have, Jord a little less so but if a good opportunity arises he's not letting it slip by. Don't think the younger ones quite grasp the fucky-wucky-ness of their relationship until they're older tho

[orkbutch]

something something karlach red. red dragon. dragon pet?play with lae'zel.

OOOH, COLOUR ME INTRIGUED! smut beneath the cut >:)

The first compliment Lae’zel had ever given Karlach was right after they’d cut down the devils hunting her. Karlach had flown into a rage, chopped them to burnt bits and nearly torched the whole Toll house they’d set up in. She’d calmed down eventually. But she was still on fire within, reeking of smouldering gore, sweat and sulphur.

Lae’zel had looked at her from head to toe, studious and admiring, and said she was as glorious in her rage as a Kith’rak’s dragon. 

Karlach had been very flattered. Lae’zel was no push over herself. She was ruthlessly efficient in battle, her combat style unlike any Karlach had seen before. Mobile and athletic, and surprisingly beautiful.

Karlach had not expected the dragon comparison to extend as far as it did, however. But here she was, gagged with her wrists bound under her back, being ridden as Lae’zel’s dragon.

The Githyanki was as ferocious in bed as she was in battle. Her clawed fingers raked over Karlach’s chest as she ground her hips hard onto Karlach’s strap. The rolling of her body was firm and graceful, totally controlled. Karlach liked to get her a little desperate, but it was harder like this. Lae’zel’s hands came to the base of Karlach’s throat, and tightened. “Show me your power,” she demanded. “Make me feel the might of Tiamat’s children.”

Karlach planted her feet into the ground, huffed, and thrust her hips hard and abruptly beneath Lae’zel. She set the pace a little faster, to force Lae’zel to match her rhythm. The gith did a kind of hissing gasp, clutching Karlach’s shoulders to keep herself steady. 

“Yes, yes, yes,” she sighed, her voice jumping with each thrust into her. Her eyes were fixed on Karlach’s, blown out with pleasure, glinting gold in the low fire light. “Such strength,” she breathed as her hands ran over Karlach’s flexing shoulders, her working abs. “Such a magnificent creature, at my command.”

Karlach groaned raggedly around her gag. She saw Lae’zel close her eyes. A moment of distracted weakness. They were very competitive lovers, and Karlach wasn’t one to let such an opportunity slip.

Karlach lifted her clean from the ground, thrusting into Lae’zel so hard she bounced on Karlach’s hips, and choked on her own pleasured keens. In a motion she’d done several times before, Karlach bucked her off to the side and rolled over her in one fluid movement. She pressed her head into the ground beneath the crook of Lae’zel’s neck, and thrust herself back into her. 

Lae’zel arms and legs wrapped around her hard, her nails biting into the flesh of Karlach’s back as she fucked her into the ground. Her usual keening had broken into ragged moans; she only sounded this way when Karlach was deep and rough, taking her a little past what Lae’zel could receive comfortably. 

“Draas’revrykal,” she managed, her voice thick and near breaking pressed beneath Karlach’s weight. She continued speaking Githyanki into Karlach’s ear as the tiefling pounded her. Karlach had found just the right angle and pace, and was rapidly approaching her own orgasm. 

Karlach must have made some noise that gave her away, because suddenly she had a knee in her gut, and was sprung onto her back again. Lae’zel mounted her like some glorious prized steed. “Not yet, draas’revrykal,” she purred. Her fingers ran over Karlach’s cheek. “I’m not done with you yet.”

[icybluepenguin]

Nothing a Good Bonfire Can't Fix

Summary: Astarion has a nightmare and you calm him down

Astarion/GN reader, established relationship, sometime after Act 3, hurt/comfort, not a serious fic, probably a stupid idea

Rated T for language

Note: I have had an absolutely awful day so here's some dumb silly Astarion ficlet. It starts off dramatic but quickly takes a turn to the ridiculous. I know elves don't sleep but this is more fun *shrug*

--

“No, no… !” Astarion moans in his sleep, head twisting from side to side.  “I'm sorry, please don't-” 

You put your hand on his cheek, “Astarion.”  You don't want to jar him too suddenly- you'd ended up on your back with a knife at your throat one too many times to make that mistake again– so you increase your volume slowly.  “Astarion.” 

His eyes fly open with a broken gasp. He clutches your wrist in both his hands hard enough to bruise, staring at you like he can't believe you're there.  “I broke his rules,” he nearly sobs, eyes glued to the marks of his fangs in your neck, evidence of his guilt.

You run your fingers through his hair, gentle and soothing.  “It was a dream, love.”

“No, no, I heard him.  I felt his compulsion.  I have to-” 

Your heart aches for him, so scared and hopeless.  “That was a terrible dream.  You're safe.  I won't let anything happen to you.”  Your wrist hurts, his grip hasn't lightened at all.  “Come here.” You rearrange as best you can so his head is in your lap, letting him hold one hand while the other continues stroking his hair. 

He keeps trying to look around the room, as if Cazador could emerge at any second.  You carefully tilt his chin so he's looking at you.  

“Do you remember what happened to Cazador?”  Sometimes he doesn't, if the nightmares were particularly bad. 

He inhales, body and breath shaking.  “I stabbed him.”  He’s trying to calm himself but his voice is hollow, like he doesn't truly believe he did it. 

“Mm-hm.  Many times.  And then what happened?” 

His eyes clear a little, losing some of the haunted fear as you go through what has become a ritual call-and-response when he has nightmares.  “You said you'd ‘never wished to see a motherfucker burn’ more than him.  So Karlach went back the next day and dragged out his body.”  

You smile down at him in encouragement.  “That's right.  And then…?”

“You sat him out in the sun, but nothing happened because he was dead, not a vampire any longer.”

You remember how Cazador's corpse, slashed with the dozens of stab wounds Astarion had put in him, had slumped on the ground in a most satisfying way.  You may have kicked him a few times.  And stomped on him.  When no one was looking. 

“Wyll and Lae'zel built a bonfire.  And we burned the corpse.”

“You left out my favorite part,” you say, tweaking the tip of his ear. 

A small smile breaks on Astarion's face. “You put the clown make-up on him.  And then Karlach threw him on the fire and his stupid clown face went up in flames.”

“So, can that ash-clown hurt you any more?” 

“No,” he laughs, tension finally easing from his body as he pictured how utterly fucking stupid Cazador had looked in the fire.  How utterly dead he was with no way to be revived or resurrected to torture him again.  “You made sure of that.”  He pulls your hand up to his mouth to kiss your palm.

“I'd like to do it to him again,” you mutter, thinking that being stabbed to death and then burned was too good for that bastard. 

“What was that?” 

You stroke his ear, smiling.  “I will burn everything and everyone who even thinks about bothering you to the ground and then I'll feed their ashes to a giant squid.”

He closes his eyes.  “I do love your flair for the dramatic.”

“Wait, I'm not done. Then I'll charter a pirate ship and catch the giant squid, dragging it up on land and-”

You are still explaining how you'd serve your special revenge calamari up and down the Sword Coast when he falls back asleep, unafraid.

-

Master Post

[optiwashere]

4, 22, 69?

Thank you so much for asking for these 💜

4. Answered here!

22. What is your Tav's first impression of the other companions?

After getting to know them a little bit in Act 1, Asheera thinks... Lae'zel needs to calm the fuck down. She's right about a lot of things though. Shadowheart needs to talk to someone. Like, really have an open conversation about feelings. Gale needs to take a breather and think about himself in a way that doesn't relate to his magic capabilities or power. Astarion needs to trust someone other than himself. Wyll needs to let himself be something other than a constant Other in his own life. He's more than a hero, a monster slayer, or a son. Karlach needs a long vacation away from any fighting at all, and she needs a good friend. Halsin and Minthara have pretty divergent appearances in my fics, so I'll just say N/A here lol. Especially in the first fic in my Shadowheart/Asheera series... Minthara, my beloved why did you have to do that to them lol.

69. Does your Tav run into Orin? If so, what's their first opinion?

I'm trying to remember back to the first playthrough, and I think that she meets Orin as that Fist in front of the barn. In my headcanon world, where everything is true and real, they come into contact with Orin at the smith in Rivington. Having Orin confront her with all this talk of wanton violence, how best to kill someone, and then be threatened by the smith afterwards? So juicy for her! Also, I think Asheera would have an immediate hatred of Orin for doing that to her.

[bottombatch]

WIP Wednesday

Tagged by @optiwashere !

First off, putting this post together had the unintended side effect of forcing me to edit the sections I wanted to share so that they would be their best. Kind of rude of you! /s

Secondly, most of these WIPs are a good bit away from being ready, or have been sitting in a WIPs pile forever. Unfortunately I write at a snail's pace because my brain craves instant dopamine...

Unfortunately most everyone I would tag here got tagged by opti, so I'm reaching a little outside my usual circle of mutuals for these tags. Feel free to ignore if you just don't feel like it!

@capriclonus, @shallitickleyournerdbutton, and @collegeoflore

Anyway, without further ado... here are 4 snippets of 4 WIPs!

Act 1 Rewrite

Laz has changed SO much from when I first started writing them, I felt a rewrite of Nothing Special was in order... then that snowballed into a multi-chap outline. It'll probably take a while before this ever gets finished enough for me to post, its a project I'm chipping away at slowly.

Anyway; here's a snippet of Laz, Shadowheart, and Lae'zel stumbling upon the chapel with a little bit of inner conflict for flavor.

“You can’t seriously be considering this.” Shadowheart whispered, confusion furrowing her brow. “I agree with the elf.” Lae’zel muttered. “We will be transformed within the hour. We must leave with haste.” For a moment, Laz considered it. But the thought settled a chill over Laz, the ever present flame inside of them flickering down to candlelight. A tenet of their oath stretched tenous and thin at the forefront of their mind; You will conquer those beneath you and not tolerate dissent. How quick they were to forget their own oath... they could practically hear the illharess clicking her tongue in their ear. Laz’s lip curled distastefully, a biting retort to put the two in their place on their lips. But they stilled as they realized that, in the middle of their own argument, the chapel behind them had gone silent. Laz held a single finger up to their lips, eyes narrowing. Lae’zel and Shadowheart both went silent as they caught on. A stray brick was crunched underfoot and Lae’zel’s eyes darted behind Laz’s shoulder. Quickly, Laz shoved Shadowheart to the ground, draping themself over her just as the arrow aimed at her instead pinged off of the shield on Laz’s back. It ricocheted into the dirt several feet away.

Lae'Zel Minthara Coffee Thing??

This has been a WIP for so, so long. I was planning to have it ready for valentines day (LOL), but I didn't like it at that point. It's a thinly veiled excuse to write these two fucking in a coffee au; think porn with a porn-level plot. It was inspired by a post about Lae'zel being the best barista in the store despite not making your drink correctly, though I don't have that post readily on hand.

My opinion on whether this is the best or worst smut I've ever written changes hourly, so eventually I'll just post it so it at least isn't clogging my WIPs anymore... but here's a snippet of the setup.

Lae’zel glanced at the next cup order, scowling as she began to make it. Minthara watched, half interested at best, until Lae’zel pumped something into it. It didn’t really matter to her what it was; it clearly wasn’t what she ordered. Minthara inwardly groaned to herself, dragging a hand down her face. She truly didn’t have enough energy to scold every incompetent employee she came across. Her therapist had been telling her to practice empathy. She could… try that. She tried to imagine her therapist’s infuriatingly calm, rational voice. It could have been a mistake, she would have reasoned. A pretty stupid, infuriating mistake, Minthara would correct. But a mistake all the same, her therapist would say, smiling behind her spectacles. Minthara would just ask her to remake it. It was not a big deal. She wasn’t even here for the coffee, after all. Then Lae’zel pumped something else into the cup, and then another. That was when all rational and empathic thoughts evaporated in a cold fury. Before Lae’zel could even read out the name on the cup, Minthara was storming towards the counter and snatching it out of her hand. “Are you hard of hearing or just daft? This is not my order.” Minthara spoke vehemently. She turned the label to read it aloud, “Venti, drip, dark roast. Is that a difficult order for you? It is baffling how you managed to botch such simple directions—” “Are you lactose intolerant?” Lae’zel said, raising an eyebrow imperiously. Minthara stared back, suddenly caught flat footed. “No?” “Then I see no issue.”

That Band AU I Probably Won't Finish

I've posted wips from this au before; in fact I might have already shared this snippet in the past. But some of the writing in this AU feels too good not to share! Hopefully one day I return to this and flesh it out more because there are some really good moments in this.

"Oh my god, you're adorable." Karlach said with a laugh, setting the glass down. "You sew these patches yourself?" Mattis looked down at his denim jacket. It had various patches and fabrics stitched on messily. "Some are my mom but the newer ones are all me." He admitted. "And it's cool! Not cute." "Right, right. Cool. Super hardcore." Karlach nodded, giving him some finger guns. If it was anyone else, it would've come off sarcastically, but Karlach managed to make it seem genuine. "Anyway," Mattis interrupted, coiffing his hair. "You single?" Karlach's grin only grew as she fought to suppress another laugh, coughing into her fist instead. "Well she's definitely single, my friend." Astarion said, looking at Karlach with mirth. "Frankly, she desperately needs to get laid alr-" Karlach reached over, grabbing Astarion by his collar and yanked him backwards off his stool. He tumbling backwards, landing with a thud, followed by a wheezing gasp. "I appreciate it, kid, but I'm too old for you." Karlach said gently, pointedly ignoring Astarion's previous comment. "Don't worry, I wasn't asking for me." Mattis said, wiggling his eyebrows. He practically skipped away, jumping carefully over the writhing elf on the ground. Karlach, curious, looked where Mattis was headed. Shadowheart, mortified, could only wearily make eye contact, watching Karlach dragging her eyes up and down. Shadowheart burned up under the gaze. Then Karlach gave a soft, easy smile and a wink before turning back to the bar. "Yeah, she's single." Mattis said innocently when he reached Shadowheart. She shoved him into the wall for his efforts.

Warrior's Hearth

This is another one I desperately hope I come back to and polish off because I absolutely adore this ship and there is not enough fics for it. I got deep into my feels when I was thinking about how Minthara and Lae'zel might settle down after the war.

After this and how I wrote old Karlach, I think I have a thing for writing these battle hardened characters soften and become invested in the mundane.

Really wanted to capture how they might adapt to living a calmer life, specifically through raising the gith egg. And, perhaps, that would get Minthara thinking about expanding her legacy... which would then lead to smut, because I am who I am :P.

Regardless, here's the opening few paragraphs because I think it really sets the mood for this idea.

Minthara's work was already gently fading to the background of her mind as she turned the corner to see Lae’zel. Schemes, plans, and manipulations filed themselves away before the gith. Lae’zel’s hair was slightly damp from a bath, skin still flush with the heat of it. She had not lost any of her beauty and strength, despite what would have been devastating injuries for anyone else. If anything, Minthara found herself staring in admiration at the pale scar down and across Lae’zel’s right eye, framing the magical stone embedded there. Minthara had spent many quiet moments tracing over the nicks on cuts in Lae’zel’s ears, admiring how her left one ended abruptly at it’s widest junction. Even the prosthetic joined at her knee had a beauty to it, the craftsmanship unique and unparalleled on this plane or any other. In Minthara’s mind, it was all proof that Lae’zel remained undefeated, whether on the battle or in life. Even busy with raising their child, she trained as if still amidst a war. She grew stronger by the day, recovering at an unreal pace. It was, perhaps, what Minthara found so enrapturing about the gith. Her utter refusal to settle for anything in life. She was an ever flowing fount of power and will. Just being near her filled Minthara with it as well. Lae’zel glanced at the doorway as Minthara entered. She was in the middle of slicing strips off of a hunk of seasoned meat, knife in one hand. At her hip, the plump shape of their recently hatched baby gnawed ferociously at a piece of it. A warmth was in Lae’zel’s eyes as they met Minthara’s, a subtle uptick of her mouth settling on her features. That softness was happening more often. Just a year ago, Minthara would have seen it as a sign of weakness. She knew better now.

[quitefair]

Hey, hope you're having a good day! How about 6 and 15 for the Tav ask meme? 👀

Thank you! Hope you're having a great day too :)

(answering these for my tav!)

6. How would the player go about meeting them in Act 1? What is their introduction?

You'd probably bump into her at the Grove, alongside two of her elder siblings who are also of the Church of Ilmater. Gula (the cleric) would be working with the other healers, Enki (the monk) would be doing fuck all to help, and can be found spending time with the kids. Probably has already befriended Wyll at this point.

Marduk on the other hand would probably be more of a peacemaker between the tieflings and the druids, settling arguments between both the factions and trying to stop them from getting at each other's throats. Has probably already tried to go and look for Halsin herself, but without success.

You'll meet her with the other tieflings when you first come across the grove. She'll be fighting alongside them against the goblins, and once the battle is done she'll come up to you and give some exposition as to what you just walked into - and that's where your tadpoles sense each other.

She's cheery and quick to complement. Astarion would probably get annoyed by her, Lae'zel too, though she can tell that you've met a capable warrior and won't question much if you decide to recruit her. The rest would probably warm to her immediately.

15. Is your Tav more likely to fight/flight/freeze/fawn?

Again, she's often a peacemaker, trying to get both sides to stop arguing or fighting and come to as much of an amiciable solution as possible. So she does tend to fawn, I guess? She's very good at calming people down, at rationalising in moments of high emotion. Also helps that she can read people very well, though how and why she's come to that is also a funny little story... (*cough* hypervigilance *cough*)

[wowowwild]

Who Ace Attorney Characters Would Romance In BG3 (Warning: Spoilers for all acts.)

We're starting with Klav bc I thought of him first. Klav would not romance Astarion. He thinks Astarion is annoying bc he and Astarion have too much in common in an uncomfortable way and he does not want to examine those things about himself. Lae'zel would remind him of Apollo so do with that what you will. I think he'd def be a Shadowheart girlie, she's got his vibe and he can save her from herself. I think he would threesome with Halsin on a Shadowheart run, he is very attracted to Halsin, tell me I'm wrong. A calming chill guy who is hot and fucks nasty? Sign him up. I think he would like Wyll, he'd find Wyll refreshing as a genuinely nice guy who doesn't want anything from him and they are both romantics. He didn't even know Minthara or Mizora were romanceable/bangable bc he always plays good runs. Karlach. Yes. I think he has a 50/50 of trying for Gale bc I think Gale might remind him of his brother a bit, but if he misses any of those possible connections I think he would have fun with Gale.

As a side note for Apollo, he is constantly getting asked out by the ones he's not trying to romance or is accidentally starting something with someone he didn't mean to and is having a mess of a time. Karlach's immediate wanting to ride him line freaks him out, he never romances her. The 'we just met' option was put in the game specifically for Apollo Justice. Lae'zel's boldness also weirds him out but I think he would try it once before abandoning the run or reloading a save. He likes Shadowheart. He does a Shadowheart run. Astarion is not his type, he does get to the bottom of Astarion's character and appreciates him as a character, but he is not romancing him. He does try an evil run bc he gets fed up with helping everyone all the time and I think he would actually like Minthara. He doesn't go for Mizora when she asks, though. Halsin is a little too horny for him, I think. He likes Wyll, though. Wyll would be a fantastic option for him. I think Gale would annoy him.

Maya Fey, my beloved. Wyll is the only guy she'll do a romance with, but she would do a threesome with Halsin. She does one with each of the girlies including Minty. I think Karlach's story (minus the ending) would be her favorite, I think she might relate a little too much with Shart and Lae. She also does the scene with Mizora before reloading a save.

Look, do I think Miles Edgeworth is playing bg3? No. But if he did... He is so into Halsin. He does the bear sex scene. He is blushing the whole time but he's so into it. He tries Wyll bc what's on the label sounds fantastic, but he finds that romancing Wyll just doesn't excite him in the necessary ways. He doesn't try anyone else.

Franziska is pretending she video games are beneath her but she wants to know what everyone is talking about even if she refuses to engage and so she plays in secret, usually in the middle of the night and she does a Shadowheart run bc Shadowheart propositioned her first and as she goes through her story she is just constantly bawling her eyes out, vowing to save and protect Shadowheart. She thinks Astarion is a bitch, Gale is annoying, Wyll is boring, and Halsin is too horny. She might also just be denying the fact that she's not attracted to men. I don't think she does a Karlach run, but she does go through Karlach's story every time so that Karlach can get her heart fixed. She likes that Lae'zel knows what she wants and goes for it, but I'm not sure if she would do a dedicated run. If she does, she also starts bawling her eyes out as she goes through the story. I also think she only ever has the girls in her party until she hits a lock she can't get open. She's playing a paladin btw.

Phoenix Wright. Finally someone who is down for Gale. Tbh his savior complex makes him do a run with each of the main six. I think Shadowheart and Astarion hit him the hardest, but Karlach's endings make him quit the game for a while. He also does Halsin threesome.

Ema is 100% down for Karlach. She likes the other characters (mostly), but she is a Karlach girlie through and through. I think she reclasses Karlach to rogue, though, so she doesn't have to have Astarion in the party. She has Lae'zel there to be the big hitter and I think Wyll would be in her party as well. I think she would be a Lae'zel over Shadowheart kind of person. She is SUPER into the evil run, though and it hurts so bad that she can't have Karlach in her party. On her evil run she takes Lae'zel, Shadowheart, and Astarion until she can pick up Minthara and reclass her to rogue. She doesn't absolutely despise Astarion, hater recognizes hater, but he reminds her of the fop, which is a bonus bc when she tells Klav this he gets huffy about it. On her evil run she does romance Minty.

Kristoph Gavin cannot play bg3 bc he's on death row, everyone point and laugh.

Simon is also a Shadowheart girlie. She's mean and goth when you meet her and stays that way even as she becomes a better person. He's into that. He does not romance Astarion, but he always makes sure to absolutely annihilate Cazador. As a side not he also always does the House of Hope. He likes Wyll, he likes how uncomplicated everything is (compared to the other main 5), he would do a Wyll run, but he would still let Duke Ravenguard get blown up. Athena is side eyeing him for that one. He also does not romance Gale, but he doesn't let Gale blow up, either. I don't think he romances Lae'zel or Karlach, but he does see their stories through to completion. He lets Karlach turn into a mind flayer when she offers. He says he's doing an evil run to seem edgy but then Apollo starts talking to him about things that only happen in an evil run and he starts sweating bc he actually did not do that. So he just says actually he's doing a solo run and he's killed everyone possible and Apollo doesn't believe him and forms wild incorrect theories.

Athena is super into Karlach. She basically only does Karlach runs. She thinks Astarion is funny so she always has him in the party (plus locks). Her last party spot is up for grabs depending on what she's doing. She actually brings each of them out to their story locations instead of doing stuff and telling them after.

Am I suggesting that Maya channeling Mia so she could play a video game makes any sort of sense? No. But assuming she did, Mia does a run romancing each of them. She is super into the poly relationships and threesomes bc I hc her as polyamorous and this is my post. I think she would start an evil run just to see and then be so shocked by what Minthara's character is like (in a good way) that she decides to transition into a good playthrough so Minty can see what it's like to be good. She also does the Mizora scene before reloading a save.

Ok, in the same year Athena is playing bc they are the same age, Pearl decides to try it. She goes for Wyll first bc he's a romantic and is everything she thinks she wants. This is when she realizes she's into women. Shadowheart is the female companion you actually get to be romantic with from the start (Pearl is still a romantic), so she tries that and wow. Yuri.

They do not have bg3 in Khura'in, but they do have planes, so when Nahyuta is in the states they play. They are into Lae'zel and Shadowheart equally, actually, and romancing them is very therapeutic. He tries Wyll for the heck of it, but he's too nice, Astarion is too much of a project, and Gale is... Well Gale is really fun to make fun of, so even though they do a Gale run, they're making fun of him the whole time. They are besties with Karlach. They like Halsin's character but are not interested, and they can't bring themselves to attack the druid's grove and the tieflings so no Minty.

This is not an exhaustive list! lmk if there are other characters you'd like my opinions on! I love having opinions!