#can have wording that makes us with Bad Brains interpret something different than what was went

[roboraindrop]

Hey plus size or underweight self shippers? Your f/os don't see your weight as a flaw. They love you for all that you are, and that includes everything. Yes, human beings are very flawed. Yes, your f/os do love your flaws as well! But, your weight is not a flaw. Just wanted to make sure you knew that. 💕

[maryfailstowrite]

Rose's quote in the crossword of the literature insane girl MV will never not fail to amaze me. I absolutely love it and here's why:

"Ego cogito ergo (turbatus) sum."

First with the basics: "Cogito, ergo sum", the original (not really, because the real original was in french, but whatever) quote by René Descartes, translates into "I think, therefore I am". I don't think the meaning needs much explaining, because it's just... that. It's one of the first principles of Descartes's philosophy, and it states that one's existence is certain because to think, beforehand you need to exist. You can't doubt your own existence because to doubt, you need to exist. It's as simple as that.

But this interpretation of the phrase has little to do with Rose's character. There's a word (or maybe two, but I'll get to that later) that the MV adds, and that changes the whole meaning of the phrase.

“Ego cogito ergo (turbatus) sum.”

Rose’s quote translates into “I think, therefore I am (troubled).” This is not her doubting her existence or whatever, this is about her memory. “Thinking” here isn’t meant as in literally just thinking, but as in Rose’s thought processing and reasoning. Her photographic memory makes her have an overload of information to process at all times, and after processing it, she’s unable to discard it no matter what. She’s troubled, troubled because no matter what, she can’t forget. Every murder, every drop of blood, every gasp, every word is engraved in her mind, and no matter how hard she tries, she’s doomed to remember it all for the rest of her life.

A lot of people see having a photographic memory as a blessing. Almost like a superpower. They think of detectives solving murder cases because they remembered the exact position of one of the curtains at the victim’s house, or in Rose’s case, they imagine her making perfect replicas of a painting just after seeing it once. And, sure, maybe she can do that. She is the Ultimate Art Forger, after all. But I still think her photographic memory is much more a curse than it is a blessing for her.

Humans aren’t made to remember. We are made to forget a very big part of our lives, in fact. Do you remember exactly every meal you’ve ever had? Every shower you’ve taken? Every outfit you’ve worn? No, of course not. You don’t. Just like you don’t remember every single time someone has given you a strange look, or every time you’ve done something embarrassing.

Do you see where I’m going with this? Forgetting is a coping mechanism. Not only does it prevent our brains from overloading with useless information, it also helps us heal from bad experiences. If we remembered every single detail from all of our bad past experiences we would go insane, we would never heal from those memories and emotions. We could replay the memory over and over and over again to analyze what could’ve been different, what we could’ve done in another way, and what we could’ve ultimately done to avoid the situation. But as humans, we forget. It takes time, but the details start to fade one by one, and by the end, the bad experience is just a foggy distant memory, a mix of lingering feelings and a blurry outline of what happened, an outline that can’t hurt us anymore…

Except for Rose. Rose remembers everything. This is why the world is so overwhelming for her (let alone the killing game). She dozes off half of the day because if she wasn’t sleeping, she’d have to remember everything that happened at that time. I think it’s easier to picture it if you put it like this: Imagine if you were forced to memorize every single thing that happened around you for a day. Not just what you do, but what everyone in your view and hearing range does. It sounds exhausting, right? Well, welcome to Rose’s mind.

Rose is troubled because she can’t forget. Or rather, she remembers, therefore she’s troubled (see the parallelism I did there with the quote we’re analyzing???? see it????). She’s condemned to remember every detail of everything that has ever happened to her, to replay moments like movies and analyze them until she finds out what could’ve been better, what could’ve been worse, what she could’ve done different. The problem is, the past is the past, and no matter how much you replay it, it never comes back. It’s just an illusion, a nightmare that appears in front of you, and yet you can never reach. You can just watch as it unfolds, unable to change it, unable to do anything, unable to look away. She can never look away.

As an ending to this post, I’d like to take a closer look at another detail. The original phrase is “Cogito, ergo sum”, as it’s already been stated before, but the version used in the MV is “Ego cogito ergo (turbatus) sum.” “Ego” simply means “I”, so it doesn’t add much meaning (in fact, the original French is “Je pense, donc je suis”, so the pronoun was already there from the beginning), but I still think adding it emphasizes the meaning they want to give to the phrase. It refers to Rose’s personal experience, so instead of making it a general quote anyone can say “I think, therefore I am (troubled)”, they emphasize the personal meaning of it by adding the “I”, which can be perfectly omitted in Latin without losing the phrase’s meaning. It’s something more like “I think, therefore I am (troubled)”, and I think it’s a great detail to see how different Rose’s experience of existing is compared to everyone else’s, or at least, how different she considers it to be.

In conclusion, I’m a nerd that loves looking too much into things. Thanks for coming to my TED talk 🫶🏻.

[sfwregressionfanfictions]

Fred Weasley x Little! Reader x George Weasley: Unjust Punishment

Summery: When umbridge takes a punishment too far, the twins look after the reader and come to a few realizations. (GN)

w/c: 1654

TW: Negative selftalk, punishment, pain, crying, umbridge (She’s a whole trigger herself), and George and Fred being amazing Caregivers! This is a first-person fanfic, idk why I decided to write it like that but I did.

God, I am so pathetic.

I couldn’t even make it back to the dorms, I am sat in an empty hall pressed to a wall crying. My hand hurt so bad and all I could do was cry wanting someone to make it stop. I was regressing at this point. 

Maybe I wasn’t designed to be big in these situations. As long as I could remember if I had big emotions or something bad happen, all I could do was go small. I was like a defenseless hummingbird in those situations. My brain interpreting all interactions like a child would.

I was too caught up in my own thoughts to notice the redheaded twins that were in the year above mine. They were walking together to do, only Godrick knows what, when they stopped in front of me. They immediately stopped chatting and laughing, casting glances at one another. They shared a look that said “are they?” or “Should we?” or even “Were we right?”.

Their glances quickly stopped and they began talking, Fred taking the lead, “Hey (Y/N), what’s wrong? What happened?”

The pair slid onto the ground on either side of me. I stared at his freckled face and brown eyes before turning to George and doing the same. They had different freckle patterns and the way they let their eyes and face rest were different, it was easy to tell who was who. I turned back to Fred to speak, “Umbridge!”

George and Fred spare a glance, apparently the word didn’t come out as clear as I was hoping it would. Each began pulling a hand towards them, I was quick to snatch them away. I was embarrassed of the words etched into my skin, I was embarrassed that I was regressing right now in front of two upperclassmen that I wasn’t close with.

“Hey, It’s okay, we just wanna help! We can get those cuts all cleaned up!” Fred said, tilting his upper body to fully face me. He wasn’t subtle in his attempt to see what had me pulling away from help.

George took a different approach, he was stroking my hair, and took to whispering how brave I was. He said, “You made it so far from her office, almost to the dorms, you are so brave and strong. Bet you got introuble for fighting a dragon and winning, hmm?” He paused to squeeze my arm, as in to feel my muscles. I giggled through my tears, “Yeah, so strong. Maybe we could clean you up like squires would, since you are big and strong like a knight.”

I nodded before realizing he was talking to me like he knew. I pull on his shirt lightly to get his face a little closer and whisper through my tears, “How did you know?”

Fred must have heard cause he answered instead, “Cause we play close attention to you, little one.”

That was a nice nickname. I like it. Freddie began to stand up, I always forget how tall they are. The had to be at least 6’3. They made me feel tiny, their slender frames made them look even longer. Georgie stood up too.

George spoke when I didn’t stand up, “Do you need help standing up?”

Fred didn’t give me a chance to answer before asking a follow up, “Do you want one of us to carry you?

“Yesh pease,” I was too small to walk well by myself and being carried seemed less embarrassing than stumbling and crawling all the way to the gryffindor common room (Even if you aren’t that house they are taking you there to take care of you).

Fred and George nodded, Fred picked me up like I weighed nothing. Like I was tiny! I giggled, my tears were still dripping, however less and the pain was easy to ignore with the pair taking care of me. 

George walked behind Fred, tickling me or playing peekaboo. He was doing all he could to keep me distracted from the pain. Or from how far the walk to their dorm was.

When the fancy lady in the painting finally let us in, they made quick work of the magic that prevented the different students from entering the wrong dorm. Georgie opened the dorm door to their shared room. Fred carried me over to his bed before gentle throwing me onto the bed, his hands remaining under my armpits to keep me from falling or getting hurt. 

“Fly!!!” I giggle as I stopped bouncing, the pain in my hand remained but the twin gently taking care of me made me smile. They would be the best daddies ever! My giggles quickly stopped at the thought, they probably want to get my hand fixed so I will leave… I look over to see George with a first aid kit, this cemented the bad thoughts. They were just good people and they don’t like me even a little. Tears prickle my eyes again, watching George open the kit.

“Oh baby!” Fred caught my attention, “Why are you crying? Is the kit scary? It’ll hurt a little at first but we have to clean up your hand and get it all wrapped up.”

Fred was quick to sit down, and pull me into his lap, he waited to see me nod before placing my down on his lap. ‘He was like the knights from my story! He was kind and shiv- Chivo- Nice, he was nice.’ My brain was getting more and more fuzzy, they were babying me and treating me so nicely, but also I was in pain and I knew they were going to leave me alone!

“Baby, can you use your big kid words to say whats wrong?” Fred asked, bouncing me on his knee. He was rubbing my back and holding me to keep me safely on his lap.

I couldn’t keep the truth to myself, I threw myself into his chest and buried my face into his neck. I cried out, “Don wanna fix! Den hab to weave!” (Don't want my hand fixed, then you are gonna leave me!”

“Oh Baby,” The voice came from George, as he placed the kit down and sat next to Fred and I. His hand found the back of my head and pet it soothingly. He spoke again, “We will stay as long as you will let us. We want to take care of you and protect you. How about we spend the night hanging out after we get you fixed up and when you are big tomorrow we can talk about what happens next?”

With slow blinks, realization of all the words formed. I spoke again, “Sweepover?”

“Yes, a sleep over. We will put on a muggle thing called a movie! We have a projector! We will make you some snacks, and we can play and cuddle! Whatever the little (Prince/Princess/Royal) wants!” Freddie confirmed, kissing my forehead.

“Now, we do have to get that hand wrapped up…” George said, moving towards the first aid kit again. His hand leaving my hair, and Fred moved me so I was facing Georgie. I look at the wipe in his hand and realize the pain I was about to feel. Luckily George was quick to hand me a ‘beanie baby’, it was a kitty. 

Fred started rubbing the stuffie into my cheek, tapping it around my face, and made it do funny voices. George was quick to clean my hand, Fred continuing to distract me. My hand was soon wrapped in a boring white bandage wrap. 

Georgie scooped me up once he was done with putting away the kit. I was giggling and squeal. Freddie moved to set up the projector and some snacks. George said we could push the beds together and make a giant fort! I put my hands on the bed and tried to push but i couldn’t. George pushed the bed like it was nothing, he was like a super strong daddy!

George hung some sheets to make the fort while I got to put stuffed animals, pillows and anything soft I can find. Fred and George have a lot of soft stuff, I think they were summoning stuff for us. Once it was done, George and I jumped into it, bouncing slightly. 

Soon a moving picture appeared on the wall and a cart of snacks was pushed to the side of the fort. Georgie left space in the fort for it. The view of the moving picture was soon blocked by Fred jumping into the fort, he landed right on me! At first I though it was cause I was super strong that I was’t hurt when he landed on me, but I soon realized it was cause he was holding himself up. 

As the movie played, my eyes start to droop. I didn’t mean to start falling asleep, but it was so comfy being nuzzled in the cuddle puddle. My thumb started moving towards my mouth on its own, soon I was suckling on it. Fred and George were whispering to each other, I wasn’t able to make it all of the words.

Fred said something about ‘won’t do’ and George said something about ‘get something for-’. I nuzzled my face into whoever was on my left. 

“You are one sleepy baby, aren’t you?” George said, so thats who I was nuzzling.

“Good night little one, you need to get a good night rest to heal quick.” Fred said, petting my hair again. A quick pressure was pressed to the side of my head, it was a sweet kiss that made me feel so cared about. 

I was very small and about to fall asleep, I murmured out a “Nini dadas.”.

Unknown to me, the twins looked at each other with huge grins. They wanted to jump around, high-five, or scream. However, the pair simply nodded and whispered about tomorrow.

[dont-offend-the-bees]

WIP Wednesday

I was tagged by @justafandomfollower - cheers, m'dears!

Posting a lil sneak peek of my fic for day one of Painland Week! It's gonna undergo some re-writing/editing before the whole thing's ready to post but this is 600 rough words of a uhhhhh 4k-ish fic. No idea if I'm gonna manage fics for every day since I'm having a big pain flare-up right now but I can at least polish up the three drafts I have so far! So here you go, some sweet nonsexual dom/sub therapy for Charles for day one, love languages💛

I'm gonna tag @kieren-fucking-walker, @firstaudrina, @coloursflyaway and @theflirtmeister, plus anyone else who feels like sharing some WIP sneak peeks, consider yourself tagged!

~~

“Charles,” said Edwin again, softer this time. It was important not to go on the offensive; in his current condition, Charles was liable to take any careless word as keenly as a knife in the back. “Please tell me what’s on your mind.” After a moment’s consideration, he added: “I promise I won’t be angry.”

It felt like utter nonsense to say out loud, a patronising placation as one might give to a child. But Charles, in Edwin’s experience, responded well to directness. His panic thrived in the mires of ambiguity. 

Releasing a ragged breath, Charles rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand. “Just… dunno what to do sometimes. When you two go off at each other.” He peered at Edwin with his uncovered eye, and tried for a smirk. It fell decidedly short of the carefree, playful expression it was aiming for. “Dunno what side to pick, do I?”

He voiced it like a joke, but Edwin was listening carefully and he knew an incomplete sentence when he heard it. He stepped closer and, slowly, giving him time to step back, took Charles’ free hand and squeezed the fingers. 

Charles closed his eyes, dragging his hand down his face. “Can’t keep you both happy,” he admitted on a low mumble, like it was a shameful secret. 

Guilt sank sour and heavy in Edwin’s stomach, but he carefully kept it from his face. Any indication that Charles had made him feel bad was liable to make him shut down further. “It should not be your duty to keep the peace,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “I will speak to Crystal later, clear the air.”

Charles nodded, but he still stood propped against the desk and hunched unhappily in on himself. Edwin could see his brain turning itself over and over in miserable little spirals — wondering if he should have stepped in earlier, said something else, wondering what he could have done differently to make everything better. To make everyone happy. 

Edwin swallowed tightly, and placed his hand upon Charles’ shoulder. “Charles. Look at me, please.”

He did so, without question or hesitation. Responding as easily to the polite command as if it had come from his own consciousness. 

Edwin, with great care, hooked a finger through the gold chain aroudn Charles' neck, and tugged.

The effect was instantaneous. Charles’ wide, hunted eyes softened, slackened, his lined eyelids drooping. His lips parted around a quiet sigh, smoother than his last ragged exhalation, and his shoulders slumped as if a great weight had been dropped from them.

Charles was an ever-unfolding and expanding area of study; but to Edwin’s expert eye, on occasion, his needs were remarkably simple to interpret.

Meeting his now somewhat unfocused gaze, Edwin leaned in. “Put Crystal out of your mind for now,” he said, quietly commanding. “In fact, put everything out of your mind.”

“She’s upset,” Charles mumbled in protest.

“Yes — and she will continue to be so for a while longer, regardless of what you or I could say.” Edwin smoothed the collar of Charles’ polo. “When the dust has settled I will find her and smooth things over. I promise. For the time being, you’ll do none of us any good with your overthinking.”

Charles snorted. “Overthinking? Me?” he joked.

With another gentle, recriminating tug of the chain, Charles gasped and quieted.

Edwin sighed and leaned close, ‘til his nose grazed across Charles’ cheekbone. “Granted, your tendency to underthink before making dangerous choices borders on the pathological,” he teased. “But I strongly suspect you're thinking a lot of very unkind thoughts about yourself right now, and I'd like for you to stop. Please.”

Breath shuddering, Charles’ hands lifted, fisting in the front of Edwin's shirt. 

“That what you want?” He asked, his voice a small and broken thing. For all his strength of body and character, he felt as vulnerable in Edwin's hands as a baby bird.

“How about I tell you exactly what I want for a while,” Edwin offered, breathing it across the shell of Charles’ ear. “And then all you have to do is listen." He delivered a swift, dry kiss to Charles' cheekbone. "No detective work required."

~~

Full fic coming to a blog near you on August 5th! Go check out the Painland Week blog and also lmk if you wanna collab on anything, assuming I get pain flareups under control I'm hoping to write lots and lots! Already got a little collab lined up for day 2 which I'm soooo excited about 💛

[beep-beep-robin]

tw: meltdown, harmful stimming, slight internalized ableism below the cut

eddie‘s hellfire shirt‘s seen better days. the print is coming off, it‘s starting to smell old - even when wayne‘s finally succesfully forced eddie to take it off for a day so he can wash it.

the day eddie accepts that it‘s probably time to throw it away, he has a meltdown. he‘d been wearing this shirt for years now, not everyday, but almost. it‘s his one piece of clothing that he‘d always felt comfortable in, the only thing he could wear on bad days without feeling like he was gonna have to throw up.

so now he‘s sitting on his bed, wearing the shirt, rocking back and forth and pulling on his hair, trying to reason with himself - the shirt‘s old, he could make a new one, it‘s gross - but it‘s no use. his brain is in emergency mode.

he‘s so focused on his panic and anger at himself, that he doesn‘t hear the knock on the door before it opens. steve walks in, sees eddie in distress, and immediately drops to the floor to kneel in front of the bed, looking up at eddie with concern visible on his face.

steve asks what‘s happened, but eddie can‘t seem to find any words. he just points at his shirt, points out the print, fingers trembling, before his hand goes back to pulling at his hair.

somehow steve manages to understand and calm eddie down a bit. eddie is aware that steve‘s making empty promises, he won‘t be able to get him a shirt that‘s the same as the one he‘s wearing now. even if he buys the exact same shirt, eddie knows that it‘ll feel different to him because it‘s newer, from a different batch, just plain different. the print isn‘t the issue, because he can just pop that onto the shirt himself.

still, hearing steve talk to him in a calming voice, reassuring him that everything‘s going to be fine and that he will actively try to help eddie get the same shirt back, it helps. he calms down just enough to stop torturing his hair, looking at steve’s face properly now for the first time since he’d walked in. the thought that even though eddie just basically lost his mind in front of steve and is probably covered in snot and tears, the latter is still looking at him with pure relief, love (platonic. eddie’s not trying to get his hopes up even further) and something else eddie can’t interpret on his face, makes eddie’s heart flutter.

eddie‘s not the biggest fan of being touched during and after a meltdown, and steve knows that (they‘d been hanging out for a while, and steve‘s witnessed another meltdown just weeks before), so they just sit side by side on his bed after he‘s come down from it, the metalhead nursing the tea steve‘s made him.

eddie‘s positively shocked when steve shows up again the next day to hand him a hellfire shirt. by the smell eddie can tell it‘s probably gareth‘s, and eddie could kiss steve for the genius idea of retrieving one of the other shirts that he‘d bought for the original members of the hellfire club (maybe that’s not the only reason he‘d kiss him though but eddie‘s going to keep that to himself). it smells different, slightly like gareth and a bit like steve, but it feels the same and it‘s much less worn than eddie‘s, because gareth didn‘t live in it as much as eddie did in his, apparently.

the relief that washes over eddie is immense. for a second he doesn‘t even know what to say, so he just throws his arms around steve in absolute disbelief at having someone apart from his uncle in his life that cares so much about the stupid little things that upset him that he’d go to these lengths to fix them.

especially steve. eddie was pretty worried about scaring the ex jock off when he started unmasking around him, but their friendship (?) just grew even stronger and steve‘s turned into the one person he can always turn to when things go south.

releasing each other from the hug, steve squeezes the others shoulders and tells eddie to go put the shirt on, but the latter is still thinking about his first instinct from a few moments earlier. he thinks of the expression on steve‘s face that washes over it so often when he‘s looking at eddie, no matter what the other is doing.

he thinks of accidental touches of hands, knees brushing together, hugs that last longer than they normally should. thinks of how caring steve is, how accepted and loved he makes eddie feel.

his eyes flicker down to steve‘s lips, back up to his eyes, and apparently steve is right there with him because he asks eddie if he can kiss him - and there’s that look again. eddie just nods and then they‘re kissing and his brain is struggling to catch up with what just happened but for a moment everything‘s perfect and eddie‘s, once again, in disbelief.

when they break apart, there‘s nothing but steve, steve, steve and he barely catches it when the other says that he‘s really been wanting to do this for a while now.

and all eddie can say to that is yeah, me too.

[amorisastrum]

How to use tone tags! :D

Because @flaming-green asked and also neurodivergence !!

Long post woah

Commonly used tone tags:

/j = joke

/hj = half joke

/ly or /lyr = lyrics

/pos = positive

/neg = negative

/lh = light hearted

/nm = not mad

/s or /sarc = sarcastic

/nbh = no body here (this is used alongside a rant/vent that has not named a specific person- people may think you are talking about them and spiral)

/genq = genuine question

/nf = not forced

/plat = platonic

/r = romantic

/srs = serious

/t = teasing

Why use tone tags?:

Tone can be a very difficult thing to pick up, especially through text. Use of punctuation and capital letters and certain word choices can make a sentence seem completely different. For example, if I received a text saying "Come see me right now." I would instantly think I was in trouble and would panic. However, if I received that same message with a "/nm" I would feel much better about the situation. People use punctuation in different ways as well! I personally use exclamation marks to show how excited I am !! While for others, a multitude of exclamation marks could indicate sarcasm. Same with the use of emojis. I personally use some emojis to indicate sarcasm, but I know people who use those same emojis to indicate... Well, what the emoji is showing. So, to use a tone tag avoids any sort of miscommunication.

When to use tone tags?:

Deciding when to use tone tags can be difficult. I personally use tone tags when I reread a message and realise it is ambiguous in tone, or when I reread it, it sounds more aggressive or rude than I intended it to be.

If somebody asks you what you mean by a message, this is probably a sign that you need a tone tag of sorts. Not all people are going to interpret things the way you intend them to be, so tone tags as a whole are helpful to avoid miscommunication. Sometimes the context of the message being sent can change someone's perception so tone tags are not always needed e.g. "omg I love you so much! You're so awesome!" This may be seen as genuine, while "omg you're so awesome." Can be seen as sarcastic. It depends on how that person's brain works.

If you are talking directly with one person, or a small group of people, and you know their typing habits (such as using emojis for sarcasm or use of punctuation) then tone tags may be needed less! But if you are talking to a group of people, such as on Tumblr, it may be easier to use tone tags as more people will see what you've said and... Well people may not understand what you meant!

Some words may have different connotations through different contexts, such as the word "silly". But sometimes people may not understand that context. I typically use Silly in a positive way, but at one point I referred to a character I didn't like as a "silly man" with my friend who had no clue who this character was. To them, this meant I liked this character, which left them confused when I started talking about them in a bad way. So, I started adding "/neg" anytime I meant silly in a negative way to avoid confusion.

Other tone tag things:

Try and avoid piling of tone tags at the end of a message/post as this can be confusing. Id say try to use no more than 2, 3 at a maximum.

If you're cutting into the middle of a message with a tone tag, you can use brackets, but you don't have to! Do what makes you comfortable.

Use punctuation where you see fit.

You don't have to use tone tags for every message you send/everything you post! Use them when YOU think the tone could be ambiguous or if someone has directly asked you what you mean.

You don't have to know every tone tag ever. I've been using tone tags for a good 2 maybe 3 years now and I mainly use /nm, /j, /srs, /sarc and /pos.

I also use /silly, which I'm not sure is an actual tone tag. I use this if something I say seems passive aggressive or if I am in fact just being silly.

I hope this has helped! Tone tags are something that help me communicate with people and make me more comfortable! And I hope they can make it easier for you to communicate as well :]

Also sorry if this makes little sense it is 2am. Feel free to add any more information in reblogs or replies!!

[astrojulia]

To All my Air Placements People

-Or for those who have already read "just feel"

One thing that really bothers me about the astrological community is their relationship with emotions and those who identify as "air people." As an Aquarius dominant, I try to absorb the best of every word, situation, and perspective, as it is my nature to see reason and to consider things from multiple points of view. I don't see a problem with using words like "manipulative," and I'm not particularly concerned with being politically correct.

However, one issue I can't ignore is the way that air moons and people are often described as having difficulty feeling emotions. The common refrain is, "You don't feel, you just think." This creates a lot of subtext, such as "You should just feel and not think," "How will you survive when you realize you can only feel and not think," and "You overthink and don't feel."

I know that this kind of post may not be popular, as people tend to prefer direct solutions rather than philosophical discussions. Additionally, many people become overly attached to astrology, which I don't quite understand, as someone who practices greco roman paganism and views the stars as simply giant balls in space guided by the Gods. However, my goal is to help air people who may be feeling bad due to these descriptions and depreciating themselves unnecessarily. I want to provide them with the tools to live their lives in their own way, without relying too heavily on astrology. If possible, I also hope to change the mentality of the astrological community regarding air people. Or maybe I just want to help myself, who knows?

In this post, I will use my knowledge and concepts to explain why the concept of feeling can be misunderstood, how air people experience emotions, and, most importantly, how to work with your feelings.

Have you ever questioned how emotions work and why we experience them differently in different situations? Fortunately, neuroscientist Lisa Feldman has been working for 25 years to explore these questions, and her book "How Emotions Are Made" provides a scientific way to understand how our bodies process emotions. I will explain the main ideas in a summarized way.

While the amygdala is often regarded as the brain's emotional center, it is not the only part of the brain responsible for emotions. In fact, emotions are not solely processed in the brain, but throughout our whole body via neurons. Studies on monkeys who had their amygdalas removed showed that they temporarily lost the ability to feel fear, but eventually regained it. This suggests that our emotions are not simply regulated by a specific part of the brain.

Instead, emotions are processed when neurons in our body are activated and send signals to our brain. Our brain then processes these signals to determine what the emotion is and how we should respond. For example, the smell of a bakery may cause our mouth to water and make us feel hungry, while waiting in a surgery waiting room may cause us to feel anxious and lose our appetite. Physiologically, both situations trigger the same neurons, but the emotional response is different because our brain takes into account the context.

In other words, our emotions are not simply a reaction to stimuli but are influenced by our environment and our own interpretation of the situation. By understanding how emotions are made, we can gain a better understanding of ourselves and how we respond to different situations.

Drawing upon my esoteric knowledge and delving deeper into the data, have you ever wondered how neurons "communicate" and signal to the body that something is happening? The answer lies in the air. Yes, the gas we breathe in is linked to our emotions. It travels to our brains and is processed in a way that best suits the situation. Interestingly, people with different elemental signs have their own unique ways of dealing with air, which means that the gas they expel is processed differently. However, some may argue that water is the element that deals with emotions. While this may seem like an esoteric concept, I have my own explanation for it.

Neurons are present throughout our body, and the part that is referred to as our second brain is our viscera, especially our stomach, which is ruled by Cancer. Our hormones also play a crucial role in our emotions. It is a well-known fact that we don't think clearly when we are aroused, and our reproductive system, which is ruled by Scorpio, produces a significant portion of our hormones. Our feet also have a plethora of neurons connected to our emotional world, and they are ruled by Pisces. Therefore, water signs are adept at managing their emotions as they work well with this part of the body and process their feelings more quickly. Furthermore, in astrology water rules the emotions, in others studies it can be the air, or even the water rules the material.

Let's delve deeper into the subject and discuss our emotions in more detail. We need to think about them, even if it's just for a second, before we can truly feel them. While this may come naturally to us, it is something we learn as we grow older. When information is transmitted to the brain, the first thing it does is to search for a similar sensation or situation from the past to determine the appropriate response. To demonstrate this, take a look at the picture and try to see something. Then, check out the next one…

Pulling for my esoteric part and exploring more data, you know how the neurons “move” and say to the body that something is happening? By gas. Yes, air. Our emotion is linked with air, that gas goes to our brains and it will be processed in the best way for the situation, and air people have their unique way to deal with air, so that gas that is expelled will be worked in a completely different way for the air people than all the others. But is it not water who deals with emotion? Esoteric saying, yes, but I have my own explanation for that…

Neurons are on our whole body, and the part that is called our second brain are our viscera, principally our stomach, ruled by Cancer. Our hormones work a lot with our brain, and everyone knows how we don’t think too well when we are aroused. The part that produces a great part of our hormones is our reproductive system, ruled by Scorpio. Have you ever seen the amount of techniques focused on stress and negative emotions on our feet? From massages and acupuncture, our foot has a ton of neurons connected to our emotional world, and it is ruled by Pisces. So why are water people good with their emotions? Because they work well with that part of the body, they sign rules and process their feelings quicker, but do that better with their specific part.

Now we can go a little deeper in the subject and talk in more detail with our feelings. We need to think about them, even for a second, before really feeling, but that should be easy for everyone because it is natural and born with that… Yes, it is natural but we aren't born with that… We learn how to feel as we age. When the information goes to the brain the first thing it does is to search for the same sensation and the same situation in the past to know what to do. I can give you an example of how we actually just work with things, with our memory and prediction of what is going on. Look at the pic and try to see something, after that click in the link and I will heal your little problem:

Now that you've seen it, you can't unsee it. The black and white one will make sense now. This is how emotions work: we need to experience a situation to truly understand it. Emotions are complex and we often need to go through a situation more than once to really comprehend what's going on. However, if you put an air person in an environment they already know, they won't have a problem with their emotions.

Now that I've explained how we misunderstand emotions and how they actually work, I'm going to share my knowledge to help my fellow air signs in the best way possible. This is what I've learned to become the best version of myself.

When we feel something, our system works like this: we feel a sensation in our chest, and that information goes to our brain, which tries to put a word to that sensation. Once we find the best word to describe the sensation, it goes back to the area to check if it's accurate. If it's not, the process repeats until we find the best description. So, how do I work with this? I have a lot of emotion names in my memory, so I don't waste time explaining how I feel. Yes, I feel a lot (Pisces Jupiter, Scorpio Mars..), but no, I don't feel the same way as you. Allow me to introduce you:

The Wheel of Emotions

Yes, that is how I do my s***, I take some time in my life to see that wheel and verify what I was feeling in that moment, how I can improve myself, and knowing that I’m not such a bad person, I’m giving you more than 80 feelings explanation here, hope you like. You can see that the main feeling connect with each other.

Fear: an emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain or danger (usually accompanied by a desire to flee or fight); an anxious feeling; a feeling of profound respect for someone or something.

Horror: intense and profound fear; something that inspires dislike; something horrible; intense aversion

Dread: fearful expectation or anticipation; be afraid or scared of; be frightened of; causing fear or dread or terror

Mortified: suffering from tissue death; made to feel uncomfortable because of shame or wounded pride

Nervous: of or relating to the nervous system; easily agitated; causing or fraught with or showing anxiety

Anxious: eagerly desirous; causing or fraught with or showing anxiety

Worried: afflicted with or marked by anxious uneasiness or trouble or grief; mentally upset over possible misfortune or danger etc

Insecure: not firm or firmly fixed; likely to fail or give way; lacking in security or safety; lacking self-confidence or assurance

Inadequate: lacking the requisite qualities or resources to meet a task; not sufficient to meet a need, not welcome

Inferior: one of lesser rank or station or quality; a character or symbol set or printed or written beneath or slightly below and to the side of another character; of or characteristic of low rank or importance

Terror: an overwhelming feeling of fear and anxiety; a person who inspires fear or dread; a very troublesome child

Hysterical: characterized by or arising from psychoneurotic hysteria; marked by excessive or uncontrollable emotion

Panic: an overwhelming feeling of fear and anxiety; sudden mass fear and anxiety over anticipated events; be overcome by a sudden fear

Scared: made afraid

Helpless: lacking in or deprived of strength or power; unable to function; without help; unable to manage independently

Frightened: made afraid; thrown into a state of intense fear or desperation

Love: a strong positive emotion of regard and affection any object of warm affection or devotion a beloved person used as terms of endearment.

Tenderness: a tendency to express warm and affectionate feeling; a pain that is felt (as when the area is touched); warm compassionate feelings

Compassionate: share the suffering of; showing or having compassion

Caring: a loving feeling; feeling and exhibiting concern and empathy for others

Peaceful: not disturbed by strife or turmoil or war; peacefully resistant in response to injustice

Satisfied: filled with satisfaction; allayed

Relieved: (of pain or sorrow) made easier to bear; extending out above or beyond a surface or boundary

Desire: the feeling that accompanies an unsatisfied state; an inclination to want things; something that is desired

Infatuation: a foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiration; temporary love of an adolescent; an object of extravagant short-lived passion

Passion: a strong feeling or emotion; the trait of being intensely emotional; something that is desired intensely

Longing: prolonged unfulfilled desire or need

Attracted: direct toward itself or oneself by means of some psychological power or physical attributes; be attractive to; exert a force on (a body) causing it to approach or prevent it from moving away

Sentimental: given to or marked by sentiment or sentimentality; effusively or insincerely emotional

Affectionate: having or displaying warmth or affection

Fondness: affection or liking for someone or something

Romantic: conducive to or characterized by the expression of love; of, characterized by, or suggestive of an idealized view of reality; person with romantic beliefs or attitudes.

Joy: a feeling of great pleasure and happiness rejoice

Enthralled: capture the fascinated attention of

Rapture: a feeling of intense pleasure or joy; a state of being carried away by overwhelming emotion; a state of elated bliss

Enchanted: influenced as by charms or incantations

Elation: an exhilarating psychological state of pride and optimism; an absence of depression; a feeling of joy and pride

Jubilation: a feeling of extreme joy; a joyful occasion for special festivities to mark some happy event; the utterance of sounds expressing great joy

Euphoric: exaggerated feeling of well-being or elation

Enthusiastic: having or showing great excitement and interest

Zeal: a feeling of strong eagerness (usually in favor of a person or cause); excessive fervor to do something or accomplish some end; prompt willingness

Excited: in an aroused state; (of persons) excessively affected by emotion; marked by uncontrolled excitement or emotion

Optimist: a person disposed to take a favorable view of things

Hopeful: an ambitious and aspiring young person; having or manifesting hope; full or promise

Eager: a high wave (often dangerous) caused by tidal flow (as by colliding tidal currents or in a narrow estuary); having or showing keen interest or intense desire or impatient expectancy

Proud: feeling self-respect or pleasure in something by which you measure your self-worth; or being a reason for pride; having or displaying great dignity or nobility

Illustrious: widely known and esteemed; having or conferring glory

Triumphant: joyful and proud especially because of triumph or success; experiencing triumph

Cheerful: being full of or promoting cheer; having or showing good spirits; pleasantly (even unrealistically) optimistic

Jovial: full of or showing high-spirited merriment

Blissful: completely happy and contented

Happy: enjoying or showing or marked by joy or pleasure; marked by good fortune; eagerly disposed to act or to be of service

Amused: pleasantly occupied

Delighted: greatly pleased; filled with wonder and delight

Content: being pleased and satisfied (feeling content) or making someone else feel happy and at peace with things (contenting them)

Pleased: experiencing or manifesting pleasure; feeling pleasurable satisfaction over something by which you measures your self-worth

Satisfied: filled with satisfaction; allayed

Surprise: the astonishment you feel when something totally unexpected happens to you a sudden unexpected event the act of surprising someone

Moved: being excited or provoked to the expression of an emotion

Stimulated: emotionally aroused

Touched: having come into contact; being excited or provoked to the expression of an emotion; slightly insane

Overcome: To feel something very strongly. It is usually used in a positive way

Speechless: temporarily incapable of speaking

Astounded: filled with the emotional impact of overwhelming surprise or shock

Amazed: feeling or showing great surprise or wonder

Astonished: surprised, amazed, astonished or bewildered

Awe-Struck: filled with feelings of fear and wonder: filled with awe

Confused: mentally confused; unable to think with clarity or act intelligently; perplexed by many conflicting situations or statements; filled with bewilderment; lacking orderly continuity

Disillusioned: freed from illusion

Perplexed: full of difficulty or confusion or bewilderment

Stunned: filled with the emotional impact of overwhelming surprise or shock; knocked unconscious by a heavy blow; in a state of mental numbness especially as resulting from shock

Shocked: struck with fear, dread, or consternation

Dismayed: cause (someone) to feel consternation and distress; to cause to lose courage or resolution (as because of alarm or fear) must not let ourselves be dismayed by the task before us; upset, perturb were dismayed by the condition of the building

Sadness: emotions experienced when not in a state of well-being the state of being sad the quality of excessive mournfulness and uncheerfulness

Despair: a state in which all hope is lost or absent; the feeling that everything is wrong and nothing will turn out well; abandon hope; give up hope; lose heart

Grief: intense sorrow caused by loss of a loved one (especially by death); something that causes great unhappiness

Powerless: lacking power; impotent

Neglected: disregarded; lacking a caretaker

Isolated: not close together in time; being or feeling set or kept apart from others

Lonely: lacking companions or companionship; marked by dejection from being alone; characterized by or preferring solitude

Shameful: (used of conduct or character) deserving or bringing disgrace or shame; giving offense to moral sensibilities and injurious to reputation

Regretful: feeling or expressing regret or sorrow or a sense of loss over something done or undone

Guilty: responsible for or chargeable with a reprehensible act; showing a sense of guilt

Disappointed: disappointingly unsuccessful; sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one’s hopes or expectations

Dismayed: struck with fear, dread, or consternation

Displeased: not pleased; experiencing or manifesting displeasure

Sadness: emotions experienced when not in a state of well-being; the state of being sad; the quality of excessive mournfulness and uncheerfulness

Depressed: filled with melancholy and despondency; in a state of general unhappiness or despondency

Sorrow: an emotion of great sadness associated with loss or bereavement; sadness associated with some wrong done or some disappointment; something that causes great unhappiness

Suffering: a state of acute pain; misery resulting from affliction; psychological suffering

Agony: intense feelings of suffering; acute mental or physical pain; a state of acute pain

Hurt: any physical damage to the body caused by violence or accident or fracture etc; psychological suffering; feelings of mental or physical pain

Anger: a strong emotion a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance the state of being angry belligerence aroused by a real or supposed wrong (personified as one of the deadly sins.)

Disgust: strong feelings of dislike; fill with distaste; cause aversion in; offend the moral sense of

Contempt: lack of respect accompanied by a feeling of intense dislike; a manner that is generally disrespectful and contemptuous; open disrespect for a person or thing

Revolted: to turn away with disgust. transitive verb.: to cause to turn away or shrink with disgust or abhorrence; to experience disgust or shock

Envy: a feeling of grudging admiration and desire to have something that is possessed by another; spite and resentment at seeing the success of another (personified as one of the deadly sins); feel envious towards; admire enviously

Resentful: full of or marked by resentment or indignant ill will

Jealous: showing extreme cupidity; painfully desirous of another’s advantages; suspicious or unduly suspicious or fearful of being displaced by a rival

Irritable: easily irritated or annoyed; abnormally sensitive to a stimulus; capable of responding to stimuli

Aggravated: made more severe or intense especially in law; incited, especially deliberately, to anger

Annoyed: aroused to impatience or anger; troubled persistently especially with petty annoyances

Exasperated: greatly annoyed; out of patience

Frustrated: disappointingly unsuccessful

Agitated: troubled emotionally and usually deeply; physically disturbed or set in motion

Rage: a feeling of intense anger; a state of extreme anger; something that is desired intensely

Hostile: don’t want to talk to people, be around them, or even have them near us

Hate: the emotion of intense dislike; a feeling of dislike so strong that it demands action; dislike intensely; feel antipathy or aversion towards

And now we’re done, my biggest goal in this post as I already wrote, is to chance that point of view of the air people, but the most important part is to take off that bad sensation from you chest, my air fellow, that I feel and know that existent every time you read that you’re emotionless and don’t now how to feel the things in the right way. Thank you for your and kisses from the sea.

[jessicalprice]

undiscovered country

(reposted from Twitter)

When I have the emotional bandwidth to look at Christians and ex-Christians flailing at Jews and Jewish stuff rather than just wishing they’d tend to their own process and practice and leave us alone, the thing I want most for them is to learn to encounter cultures and traditions and practices that are different from theirs without immediately trying to force them into an analogy or paradigm with something that’s familiar to them.

Sometimes I wonder if there’s even any actual spirituality in authoritarian Christianity, because the one thing I understand about engagement with the sacred is that it’s a way to cultivate awe and learn to face mystery without rushing to reduce it to something comprehensible.

And that matters in every area of life. It matters for loving people. Every other person you encounter will always in some ways be a mystery, and if you can only love what you fully understand about them, you love a reflection of yourself, not them.

It matters for learning—ESPECIALLY in science. If you rush to force what you’re seeing into a paradigm you’re familiar with, you often end up with either incomplete data or bad interpretations of data.

It matters for engaging with cultures you’re not part of. If you’re not willing to stop demanding that they immediately make sense to you, you end up misapprehending them and, often, disbelieving people about their own worldview and experiences.

I remember the first time a massage therapist worked on my psoas muscle.

I immediately tensed up and literally started involuntarily crawling across the massage table away from her.

She asked me, “I want you to take a moment and think about whether this actually hurts or whether it’s just an intense, strange sensation and you expect pain.”

It’s hard, when it feels like someone’s touching an internal organ or something to relax, back up, and just be receptive and feel rather than trying to categorize and react. But she was right. It didn’t hurt, I didn’t need her to reduce the pressure. It was just new.

It’s really, really okay—I promise, you can take the time and space!—to encounter something in another culture and just absorb without immediately trying to understand. I don’t know that I can explain how to get there beyond, just let go for a minute and be.

Like when you taste something new, you don’t immediately have to categorize, oh, this tastes like chicken! You can just sit there for a moment and let it be new. If you don’t, I don’t think you’ll actually fully taste it.

When I have a sensation experience like that and I can just sit and absorb for a bit, I feel like I can feel parts of my brain that didn’t talk before connecting. If it’s something like a wine tasting where I'm supposed to describe and compare immediately, I don’t sense that.

And I just wish people deconstructing Christianity, who often seem really prone to demanding Christian paradigms for everything, would try that. You can do it with people things as well as sensation things.

I think sometimes that you can’t really perceive other people, both on an individual level and on a cultural/societal one, if you expect to fully understand them. You definitely can't have an I-Thou encounter with them, in the Buber sense, or be face-to-face, in the Levinas sense. Understanding usually grows, but it has to have space to do so.

It’s not easy, of course, and it’s not something any of us can do all the time. There are important reasons our brains look for patterns and analogies and categories.

We can't constantly be in an I-Thou relationship with the Other and we don’t need to. But I dunno, I think it’s important to learn to

oscillate, maybe?

just let go sometimes and perceive absorptively rather than categorizingly?

There’s that infinitesimal moment before you put a concept or understanding into words and you can learn to extend it and not make what you’re encountering into something. Just MEET it, you know? And this is sort of like that. It’s how you actually listen to another.

[finelinens1994]

i also feel like this whole culture comes from young people feeling desperate to fit in and feel like they are a good person. when you're young and your brain is still developing and you're already in these spaces, it's hard to ignore the loudest voice saying "if you support xyz then you are [insert a type of bigot]" because you want to be a good person and you don't want the other people in that space you are friends with to question your morals or unfollow you or tell people you are a bigot. so many young people don't feel confident enough in their ability to think critically and say "actually no i disagree" while still knowing that they genuinely care about the cause and disagreeing with this one person jumping to an extreme doesn't negate that. with enough work and maturity, being a true advocate is when you can speak freely about issues without feeling terrified of saying something a little wrong and being able to talk about multiple sides of a situation. online activism has made so many of these young people feel like anything less than the strictest take or any empathy given to someone who has fucked up is equal to being the enemy because if they don't then they, too, will be seen as the enemy.

i totally get what you mean. when you can screenshot every line of a conversation, a lot can be seen in a negative light when taken out of context. if you've ever had even just one statement taken out of context and used to paint you as a Bad Person, it can easily make you fear that every conversation you have is being had in bad faith. like everyone is waiting on you to use a wrong word, phrase something in a way that can be interpreted differently from your intention, not respond fast enough so they can point out the timestamp and claim you were doing something bad in the meantime. it can feel like even your friends are just enemies lying in wait! it's scary! social media is scary, and it makes all of us paranoid. empathy is weakness and nuance is indecisiveness, because only someone with faulty morals or a poor education would feel unsure.

that being said, critical thinking is a thing that we all learn over time! we're all learning it! it's like a muscle you need to exercise regularly in order to really use it well. i can recommend some cool videos if you want to learn more about critical thinking: "introduction to critical thinking" a 35 video course from wireless philosophy, an animated ted-ed video about the socratic method, an animated ted-ed video about critical thinking.

I KNOW I ALWAYS SHOW UP WITH CITATIONS but it's genuinely fun to learn new things i swear... two of them are 5 minute cartoons...

[mineonmain]

Thai QL Favorites Tag Game

Tagged by @telomeke ^u^ slay

Credit: this game was created by @thatgirl4815 as Thai BL Favorites Tag Game.

Favorite Thai QL: Bad Buddy was my first and probably till date my fav. What a way to start. Very few BLs overall have lived up to the unreal standard that this show set, and no matter what all has happened IRL since the airing of the show, this show has a place in my heart that nothing is going to ever replace. It's the show that revived my love and passion for TV shows after years. This show (ep 5 4/4 👀) changed my brain chemistry, without exaggeration. P'Aof i'm chewing on your furniture until you pay for my therapy. [Other favs are MLC, ATOTS, UWMA, Between Us, MSP]

Favorite Pairing: I guess i'll talk about actor pairings but onscreen, not how they are offscreen. EarthMix is absolutely one of my favs, they bring a maturity, natural-ness, and intensity to their acting that I've rarely found in other GMMTV pairings. I'm also gonna mention FourthGem because they're the GMM young blood and I think they've got an incredible amount of potential. We've already seen their range in MLC and MSP, and I think they're going to be huge. I have a huge soft spot for BounPrem (but I may be biased lol), and this may be a lukewarm take but I really enjoyed BillySeng, I thought they had some incredible onscreen chemistry.

Most underrated actor: Oh jeez where do I start. Gotta mention Fourth - he's not really underrated but he's just starting out, but I can already see he's got the chops and with the right training and right directors he's absolutely Going Placed. Shout out to Fluke Natouch, that boy does emotional scenes like no one else. Special shoutout to Tonnam - he's supposed to be starring in his first BL as a main character this year, idk if that's still on schedule or not, but every character he's ever played so far has been a hit in my book. His comedic timing is unparalleled for me, it never fails to hit.

Favorite Character: How do I choose!! Pat Napat is so dear to me??? As is Ae from LBC???? Tutor from Why R U???? Team from Between Us?? I've got so many different little blorbos it's impossible to choose. They're all pocket sized to me. Making me choose is a crime.

Favorite Side Character: Idk why but the first one that comes to mind is View from Between Us. He's absolutely Little Bro, but he's also so sweet and genuine and full of love??? He's annoying bc all little brothers are genetically coded to be annoying but he's impossible not to love. His smile is healing. You can't take him away from me.

Favorite scene in a QL: Bad Buddy Ep 5 4/4. This was the scene that actually broke me. The lead up to the scene, the subtle but deliberate choices that both the characters made. Pat gritting himself to go talk to Pran bc if there's one thing he doesn't do it's avoid people and situations. Pran resigning himself to the conversation bc he can't avoid it any longer. Pat finally saying exactly how he's been feeling less than a business day after he had the realisation himself, bc the moment he feels something and decides it he has to act on it. The music swelling in the background. Pran realising that he's been projecting his fears onto Pat this entire time, that Pat has always feel differently about him too. Pran asking the question to break it all, wording in one way where he was expecting one kind of answer, not expecting that it would be interpreted in an entirely different way and would rock the foundation of their already teetering relationship. Pran asking if they want to be friends, because the alternative would be to be enemies. Pat hearing 'do you want to be only friends', and realising that that would never be enough for the both of them. Pat seeing that Pran is scared, and realising that he has to have courage enough for the both of them. Pat taking the deepest and shakiest breath of his life, swallowing down his fear and trepidation, voice trembling saying 'no'. This is the scariest thing that Pat has ever had to do, but how he'd rather do this than lose Pran again. Them both taking a step towards each other, because this is a decision not of one but of equals, mutual as they have always been. Pat treating this like his first kiss, like a relief of finally knowing the answer to a question that has long plagued him, like the start of something, going into it with utter joy and coming out of it with complete bliss, because the world finally makes sense. Pran treating this like his last kiss, like the end of everything they had ever been or ever could be, like he was going to milk this for everything it was worth because he was never going to get a chance to do this ever again, going into it with fear and desperation, and coming out of it with heartache and resignation, because they had lost everything they had and couldn't get it back. Pat crying tears of joy because he finally found what he was looking for, and Pran crying tears of pain because he got to experience for the first and last time what he would never be allowed to have but had longed for all of his life. Yeah I'm so normal about this show.

Favorite line in a QL: I mean. I literally said it all above, but yeah. 'If we're not enemies, could we be friends?' 'Do you want to be friends?' 'No.'

Most Anticipated QL (& why): I don't honestly know?? But I do wanna see the Thai remake of Cherry Magic, I'm interested in seeing how they're gonna treat it differently from the source show, esp since Thai shows have a tendency to bit more high heat and the original show was all about the tenderness of falling for someone because of their goodness.

Healthiest relationship in a QL: oooh i gotta go for TinnGun from MSP, they're just so lovable. Yes it's a highschool relationship but it was presented so sweetly without coming across as childish, and my boy Tinn is the ultimate green flag. Also even tho I'm not personally a SaifahZon fan (they're not my cup of tea) I think they're incredibly healthy.

Most toxic relationship in a QL: TharnType (i'm mostly looking at you Tharn), most of the KP pairings (the T in Theerapanyakuls stands for needs Therapy), early RainPhayu (i'm sorry but pigtail-pulling on the playground to show you like someone is very kindergarten behavior Phayu), LianKuea (go ahead girlbosses who gaslight and gatekeep).

Guilty pleasure series: I honestly don't know if anything I like counts as a guilty pleasure. Maybe SCOY?? Because I know there's a lot of people who don't like it and find it cringe but I think they're all kind of missing the point. I could write a mini-essay about this show too but i'll save that for another day.

Most underrated series: Ingredients (Baby Jeff!!), My Only 12% (It absolutely deserved more love and hype).

Tagging: @antisocial-burrito @liyazaki @webetterlove @bisexualhedgehog @shortpplfedup @whatisgodtoanonbeliever @onstoryladders @respectthepetty @heesulovebot @gunsatthaphan @incandescentflower @rythyme @elevatormusic @vegaspetesupremicy

[sophieinwonderland]

im confused about personal plurality, feel free to ignore. for a while now ive wanted imaginary friends (although they are all characters in media) out of- i guess- lonliness? not the best reason, i know, but its lead me down a rabbit hole of researching plurality and whatnot. i know i dont have alters or switches or anything, if i try to call out unprompted i get no response. for some reason im so fixated and almost really wishing i had alters to talk to and experience things with, but i dont. the closest i can get to that is imaginary friends, but they feel puppeted, for lack of better words, and arent autonomous. i really want to make myself belief they are, and in a way i think they want to as well, but i have a feeling thats my brain telling me that, aka not an indication of anything.

if talking about my experiences help at all, for a while i went through a process of mimicking systems, aka having the imaginary friends speak to me in thoughts, but it was all voluntary and scripted. a while later i tried a different method of mentally visualizing these imaginary friends in the same room as me, and sometimes theyd "share" my body, and id pretty much only be the one in control, and theyd just talk to me. again, its not switching or anything, i dont have sudden memory gaps, although my memory of stuff is consistently foggy, ranging from earlier that day to multiple years ago- kinda maybe about a 35% chance ill forget something every time, and the number climbs the longer its been.

with the imaginary friends themselves, its a rough explaination. again, they come from any fictional media i fixate on, but my fixations change nearly weekly, so its never consistent with who it is. i am a copinglinker who links witb these fixations as well, so its a 50/50 of if i want to personally identify as the character, or if they are an imaginary friend. again, conversation is prompted and feels very short, because i think in the back of my mind i know im directing the entire conversation, instead of talking to a seperate person. i want to believe so bad the conversations and opinions are real, but i dont think they are. whenever i ask them if they think theyre autonomous, its either "i dont know" to "yeah, why?" but i feel those answers are fabricated to. i dont know, maybe i just sort through thoughts through characters.

sorry, im rambling. i dont know if this is the right place to go, ans im genuinely hoping none of this is offensive. again, im 99.9% sure im not plural, but i feel /something/ in the back of my mind if i focus hard enough, but then again, it might be confirmation bias or something, i donr know.

if you have any thoughts or advice, please share. this has been plaguing me for nearly a year now and im not sure what to do with the information or how to interpret it. thank you.

Are your imaginary friends actually puppeted, or do they just feel puppeted? Because these aren't the same things.

In tulpamancy, there exists what's known as parroting, where you consciously talk for your tulpa and control their speech. Conversely, there's parrotnoia. This is the fear that you're controlling your headmate even when you aren't.

But if you aren't consciously doing it, it's not parroting.

If you haven't yet, you should check out my article on how to know if your imaginary friend is sentient:

I'll also add that switches feel differently for different systems. For us, it's often like something external is entering the body. But to some systems, it can feel like you're becoming somebody else.

Switching also doesn't usually have amnesia unless you have DID. (Although, if you do have DID, it can be hard to recognize if you have amnesia because... you know... you forget. But don't worry about that right now.)

But it's also normal for some systems to only partially switch, co-front, or just be co-conscious.

If you want them to be more real and developed though, I'd recommend sticking with a few over time. Cycling between proto-headmates every couple weeks means none will get the full development they deserve.

[jolapeno]

anon, I’m not going to post your ask because I didn’t feel comfy with the wording you used in it. but I’ll answer your question (rephrased)

question: how do you deal with one fic blowing up and another not?

the first thing I want to touch on is that you can’t go around lifting someone up to bring another person down—even if that person is yourself. you can’t go to someone and spell ill on yourself and expect the person you’re sending it to be super chill about it 😂 i do not want you to belittle your writing, whether on anon or not.

you can go to someone and be like “I love how you did X, I’m looking to get better at that” but, watch self-deprecating language (we’re all guilty of it is as humans) but it’s harder for me to even process what you’re saying when you’re on anon. I can’t clarify what you meant, I can only just make an assumption on the language you used.

which is why I didn’t post your ask, and I’m just hoping that I took the point out of it that you wanted to know 🩷✨

when you walk around believing you’re smaller than someone, the only thing you’re doing is telling yourself that you’re smaller than someone. it’s reinforcing a thought that your brain is creating to be mean (brain demons). negativity breeds negativity.

as a blog owner, we should celebrate the highs without fear that others will think bad on us. but the reason I don’t is because of mentalities like this where people assume I think I’m too big for my boots because I reached some pinnacle of followers. try to remember I am a multi-fandom writer, I collect souls as I wander aimlessly through the grass, and also, I’m no less wracked with worry, anxiousness or doubt than most. a number in my followers or on a fic doesn’t solve those problems or how I view myself.

now, to answer the question, I don’t? and I know that seems so easy to say right. like “oh, jo isn’t bothered”, she’s this and that. but the truth is, there’s no explanation. like sometimes, I’m someone’s cup of tea and another I’m not. sometimes I’ll write something people wanna drink up there and then, sometimes they’ll wanna wait, or skip past it. and it’s okay.

I don’t expect anyone to feel forced to read my work, and when they do it’s a blessing. that’s it. the beauty of fanfic and writing and art, is that there’s so much you can find exactly what you want, when you want it.

like, do I want to be beloved? yes, I want tattoos of peoples faces on me (haha, I kid, Pedro interview moment I promise). but I obviously want to connect with people, I want my writing to matter. but I try not to get hung up on it connecting on a scale — I just want to tell stories of people falling in love. I want people to be able to escape, and that isn’t represented in notes, that isn’t represented in numbers or anything. that’s a feeling, and I can’t measure that.

and I preach this a lot, but you have to find your people. the people who will want your particular style and swallow it up. the ones that connect with you when you stay true to who you are.

anyone can write a piece, but no one can write it like you. you can give five writers the same one line prompt and we’ll all interpret it differently. y’know?

now, do I sometimes sit all disgruntled that the fic snapped from a piece of my heart isn’t doing “well” (whatever that even means), of course! I am human.

but what I don’t do, is pick a part why that is. I just try to remember that this is what I wanted to write, this made me happy (or helped me work through things) or that (when the imposter syndrome passes) it’ll be something I want to read.

for instance, I am not a confident smut writer. smut does really well. I don’t actively avoid writing it, but I try to make it less of a focus on what I’m doing, because even if it does well, I am not good at it. and I never feel as proud of it.

however, there are times I have this idea and it��s smut and I literally harass friends with my idea before even attempting it—but again, I didn’t write it because smut does well here. I wrote it because the idea was stuck in my head 😂. I don’t expect it to do well, because going back to my first sentence, I am not a confident smut writer. the notes on it, mean nothing. what does mean something is me and my bestie screaming about what a slut I am and how proud she is of me 😂, that means more to me.

so to summarise, it’s hard to not be bothered, if you spend time looking at numbers. it’s a tough cookie to bite into it. but you have to find a core reason why you wanna do what you do, and keep that at the centre of you.

be dejected (if you need to be) when you stare at it and wonder why it didn’t “blow up”, but don’t let that fester inside of you, don’t let it stop you from writing. hold the reason you want to do this and remember that.

plus, every day you become a better writer, even if you don’t write every single day. you learn new words, see new inspo, hear new conversations. so, there’s always the next one, if notes are something you’re seeking.

love, jo 🩷✨

[loquaciouscat]

Who wants to listen me as i write a. Whole essay on Shigeo's mental journey and how it can be parallels with DID by someone with diagnosed DID!!!!!!!!! 😋

(pls ignore all the grammatical mistakes, im too lazy to correct all rn maybe later)

CW: trauma, bullying, dissociation, derealization, discussion of neurodivergent struggles. Please be aware it might be upsetting to some before reading 🙏

Neurodiversity changes how you process trauma. Keep this in mind!! I can point out so many moments where Shigeo is nd-coded, especially autism. We can see people calling him "hard-hearted", "numb" and "incapable of showing emotions". He lacks showing his emotions with facial expressions. You can see how much it upsets him when people assume he doesn't feel anything, getting heard "Get a clue." etc. (Keep this in mind, %??? is quite expressive)

Quoting from @lost-caticorn 's wonderful post that explains more about Shigeo's possible autism (I'll be linking below)

"In the anime this line is translated by “get a clue” but it doesn’t really match the Japanese words used here “空気を読む” which means “read the situation/sense the mood”. Also I think it’s worth mentioning that in episode 4  he literally names it the “reading-in-the-mood technique” (空気を読む技術). This just illustrates how non-natural this is to him."

Autism joy is something many neurotypicals cannot grasp nor understand. We see Shigeo was not scared of showing these, sharing his ability, talking about it constantly (this can be interpreted as special interests within daily life). He was not afraid of himself, nor minded his difference than others. You'll understand in a second but I believe these were the times Mob and %??? Had a peaceful connection with each other. Like I mentioned a second ago, %??? is a lot more expressive, powerful and stronger part of the mind. I can see myself associating this with autistic joy! Even they are on opposite sides as a character, both Mob and %??? Had moments for themselves to share their joy and happiness.

Then the snapping point of Shigeo, first time ever. %??? Causes harm, which makes Mob scared (like a meltdown!)

This is the point I'll start rambling about DID.

DID, dissociative identity disorder, is caused by repeated childhood trauma. Basically, in a normal setting, you have one prime identity, it can be followed by "sportive" you, "parent" you, "friendly" you etc.

For DID, brain puts amnesia barriers between those parts, which is followed by dissociation and derealization. These "parts", which are called alters, develop their own identities, completely seperate from each other. Alters usually have so little to none connection with each other. They all have their own "jobs" in brain, making sure the child doesn't get affected by the trauma. Some keeps the trauma away "memory holders", some are more agressive and try to protect the kid from outside abuse "protectors" etc. So many roles, I cannot explain all here!

WHAT I ABSOLUTELY LOVE ABOUT THE MANGA COMES FROM THIS!!!! %??? and Mob are the same person, yet so disconnected. Mob associates %??? as an evil, wishing it never existed. Yet we see %??? Taking control whenever there is an extremely stressful/dangerous situation, protecting Mob.

But on the final arc, we see %???'s frustration towards Mob, angry about how he is so repressed, while also explaining he doesn't approve the way Mob chooses to live.

"You always do that, convincing yourself that you understood. And it always out me at advantage."

As much as Mob doesn't like it, %??? is still a huge part of the mind. We all know how we saw Mob doing nothing but hating %??? Because he is "evil, bad, trying to hurt others". Yet all %??? Did was to try to protect Mob.

%??? insists on how he is himself even without power, showing how helpless he felt while holding all the repressed feelings the mind had, getting used as a weapon and Mob using him to "for the sake of others". Mob never truly acknowledged %???, Yet he accepted his help all the time while hating %???.

We see %??? Trying to remove Mob's existance from mind space. Although, can he really do that? I would say no, not really. They are both a part of something bigger, the mind and the body. Mob tried to remove the existance of %??? From the mind, miserably failed.

%??? Tries to do the same thing to Mob. Understandably Mob is terrified, just screaming and crying out of terror. Actually they just switched places, and %??? Was treating Mob how he treated him for so many years. Nothing changed except %??? Got to be in charge after many years.

At the moment Ritsu got hurt, the peaceful connection between other two was gone. This made them get seperated, aware and unaware of each other at the same time.

This is why I believe how there are parallels with DID, especially on the final arc. %??? had the role of a protector alter. Mob doesn't have any memory of the times %??? front (taking control). They are all blurry memories, you can see Mob is confused whenever he gains fully control of the mind and body, not knowing where he is or what he is doing. I also absolutely love how Ritsu getting hurt as a kid is not shown us to completely, because Shigeo doesn't know either. I believe %??? Has those memories locked away, yet still got evilized by Mob for years.

At the end, they both accept each other, making peace between each other. Honestly, what you might see as those kind of "fighting for gaining control of mind" happens a lot to people with DID. Alters might believe they are the most suitable to protect and control the body and mind the best way, causing a chaos in mind space.

I really do see parallels of DID especially on final arc! I don't know if I would headcanon Shigeo as a DID system, but I just really appreciate some representation for dissociation and memory issues 💕 it's a lot more than a losing control situation. I am neurodivergent and with undiagnosed autism, and I see a lot of myself in Shigeo.

Super long post i know but I really wanted to talk about it! Rambling over

Ps: Please also read this, it's amazing 🙏 I strongly believe Mob is an accurately autistic coded character. We need many others like him in mainstream media 💕

[aafrillia]

CHAPTER 2: MOOD PITFALLS TO WATCH OUT FOR (Pt. 2)

A summary of the book Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? by Dr. Julie Smith

In my previous summary, we discussed how our feelings affect our behavior which lead to a more vicious cycle. Now we’re going to talk about thought biases that we generally experience since our thoughts and feelings go both ways.

Thought biases are more likely to appear when we’re feeling unwell emotionally. To simplify, thought bias is our mind’s way of thinking in a simple and quick manner to process and interpret information based on our prior experiences and views. This way of thinking would likely distort our understanding in thinking that can result in making bad decisions and mistakes. Thus, we have to understand and notice these thought biases so we could limit their power over our mind.

Here are several thought biases we have to learn:

Mind Reading

“Someone just laughed my way. I must look funny.”

“I must be so boring that they left me on read.”

We tend to spend much of our time making guesses about what others think and feel. Those thoughts likely happen when we’re struggling with our emotions. To ease those uncomfortable feelings, we tend to need constant reassurance; however, when the reassurance is lacking, we assume those thoughts are true.

Overgeneralization

Have you ever felt that everything seems to be wrong one thing after another? That is what overgeneralization bias feels like. You see one bad thing as a sign that the other thing will also go wrong.

For example, you might think your relationship would never work after one bad breakup. Or, you fail a job interview and assume you would mess up the next one too. You just feel hopeless and don’t see any point of trying again. Not only in this kind of situation, something trivial like a spilled milk in one morning could also affect your feelings for the rest of your day. It’s normal to have those thoughts, but it’s not helpful to dwell on them. Doing so only adds to your pain and worsens your low mood. 

Egocentric Thinking

Different strokes for different folks. We humans have different ways of doing and seeing things. That’s what the saying above means. Having different opinions and perspectives is normal. However, we find it kind of hard to accept that when we’re not feeling at our best.

We tend to set our own rules for others and then feel hurt in the process when they don’t meet our expectations. For example, you are someone who is always on time; and one time you have a meet-up with your friends, but they come late for some reason. It’s inevitable, but doesn’t it sour your mood? It feels like your friends aren’t taking the meeting seriously, which can be frustrating.

This definitely worsens our mood further and makes us less considerate towards others, even more so disrupting our relationships. At the end of the day, we cannot control the uncontrollable and inevitable.

Emotional Reasoning

Thoughts are not facts, and the same goes for feelings. That’s what Dr. Smith wrote in her book. We have the tendency to use what we feel as evidence for something to be true, even when there might be plenty of evidence suggesting otherwise.

Have you ever felt lacking in confidence despite knowing that you’ve worked so hard to achieve something? That’s your emotion talking; what you feel is more powerful and intense than other facts lay in front of you, which becomes fuel for your low mood.

The Mental Filter

You know what? When we believe something, we tend to struggle to let go of that belief. That’s how our brain works; easy and quick thinking. So you’re more likely to accept any information that supports your belief, while ignoring anything that challenges it. In other words, we believe what we want to believe.

Musts and Shoulds

In the era where trends are becoming a lifestyle, it’s inevitable that we desire to follow them. However, it becomes overwhelming when the trends are perceived as something compulsive or a must, like a standard of living. We feel the need to do it, even though it may not be in our best interest. Sometimes these trends can be unrealistic, which affect our emotions badly at the end of the day when we can’t live up to them. This doesn't just apply to trends; our societal expectations also contribute to our relentless pursuit of perfection.

All-or-Nothing Thinking

Good or bad, right or wrong, winner or loser, success or failure, beautiful or ugly. Only two sides that our minds lead us to believe, simply because it’s easier. This absolute or extreme thinking is also called black-and-white thinking. This type of bias never leaves room for the grey areas that are often closer to reality.

When we have the tendency to think in black-and-white, it may be difficult to think about the complexities of situations we or others are in; which are the grey areas we should consider as other variables in the outcome. However, if we’re stuck with this kind of extreme thinking, we’ll feel vulnerable to more intense emotional reactions.

Now you may realize that you might’ve had these thought biases at some point in your life. So what did you do with them? Did you just go along with those unhealthy thoughts, or did you try to stop them? Either way, it’s better if you can acknowledge them for what they are; biases.

Well, I bet it’s not easy, as we experience everything at the same time. We can’t just pick a thought to observe it clearly. Thus, Dr. Smith provides some ways to help us to spot thought biases.

As we experience high emotion states, it’s unlikely that we can spot thought biases. Therefore, it’s better to just step back for a while until our emotions are stable. When it passes, we can build our awareness by looking back at our thoughts.

We can start keeping a journal which focuses on specific moments, both in positive and negative ways. This includes several aspects such as your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and physical sensations. Once you’ve done writing those, you can track your thoughts and see if they might have been biased at the time.

We can also directly write down using language that helps us get some distance from those thoughts and feelings so we can see them as experience rather than absolute truth, such as I am having thoughts that… or I am noticing these sensations. 

If we have someone we can trust and confide in, we can share our thoughts with them and ask them for help to spot the thought biases we have. Of course, this option requires a very good relationship; that person must be accepting, respectful, and supportive of our efforts to change and grow.

The last is to start practicing mindfulness. This practice helps us to pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judgement.

The gist is don’t buy into our thoughts easily. It’s better if we stop for a while and see what they are and consider alternatives by doing some practice that we find helpful for ourselves.

[phoenixkaptain]

I think what we all miss in philosophical discussions about whether the Jedi were right or wrong is that Star Wars (the first six) as a whole is built on the idea that doing things out of fear, whether that be fear for oneself or fear for others, leads to bad things happening.

Anakin searching for his mother was based on fear: Anakin killed an entire village of Tusken Raiders.

Luke left in the middle of Jedi training out of fear for his friends: Luke got his hand cut off.

That sort of thing. In the fiction of the movies, acting on fear is bad, but this is especially highlighted in the prequel trilogy.

One thing I think of, whenever I think of the prequels, is that the Jedi High Council WAS afraid. They couldn’t feel the Force, everything was murky, Qui-Gon showed up with a weird Force kid, and the Sith are possibly back. They’re scared, and that’s okay! Fear isn’t actually the problem! The problem is when you make decisions based on that fear, when you ignore your brain to react on base animal instincts.

That’s the whole point of the Jedi, I think. Your base animal instincts shouldn’t control you. Because you aren’t fighting on instinct, you’re fighting with assistance from the Force.

The Jedi choose to join the war based off of fear, they agree to help the Senate more off of fear, they are no longer third-party made to assist with the people of the galaxy.

One thing to remember is that the Jedi Order was okay with people not following rules. Qui-Gon constantly broke rules, but he only started to get in trouble for it, actual legitimate trouble, during the Phantom Menace era.

Qui-Gon is admittedly all we really have to base this assertion on, especially in current canon, but it can be reasonably assumed that the Jedi accepted Grey Jedi, middle-ground Jedi, in the Order because why wouldn’t they? There was no Sith around! The problem was when Jedi went too far, but most of them didn’t and the Council was probably like “cool, congrats, good work.” It’s only when the Sith are “back” that the Jedi panic and start making the rules stricter. And they make the rules stricter out of fear!

I love the Jedi. I love that, above all else, they are people. They have worries, they have fears, they feel love; they’re just people. The difference is that they don’t allow these emotions to guide them. They let their duty to the Force and to each other and to the Galaxy guide them, instead. They do inherently stupid, reckless things because it honestly seems a bit impossible not to be a Jedi who does stupid, reckless things. But, more than that, they do these things out of an inherent passion for the people they’re doing it all for.

Because that’s really the point of the Jedi! To have passion that’s outward, instead of passion that’s inward.

(I know they say no passion or whatever but look me in the eye and tell me that Yoda isn’t passionate about teaching. You would be lying! Yoda uses fucking everything as a teaching opportunity, that man loves teaching more than he loves stew of dubious origin, he is passionate, do not even try to convince me otherwise you cannot)

But really, what the Jedi did wrong was that they very literally lost their faith in the Force.

Hear me out. This sounds very religious but I’m pretty sure the Force is supposed to be an allegory for God and anyway this is a random twenty-two-year laying on a bed trying to put into words the thoughts that are swirling impatiently around my head, like come on, give me a break, don’t take this too seriously, this is my first and last draft okay I’m tired-

This is me leaning a bit into literal interpretation of words, hold on tight.

Qui-Gon becomes part of the Force because he really, truly, honestly did his best to perform all actions in the name of the Force. Which, I have to remind you, does not include visions of the future because Qui-Gon does not have visions. Qui-Gon believes that something is what the Force wants him to do and so he does it. He is perhaps the most loyal Jedi Knight to the Force that we’ve ever seen, especially since he occasionally contradicts himself because the Force changed its mind (I assume). He is the man who is very sincere when he says “the Force wills it” and I love and hate him in equal measure, just like the Jedi Council.

Because on one hand, yes! Qui-Gon is following their lessons so well! Qui-Gon is doing the equivalent of keeping his eyes shut and letting the Force lead him around! That’s what the Jedi want, for their members to be so attuned to the Force that they are never in doubt of what to do! Yay!

But, on the other hand, this means that Qui-Gon actively goes against other Jedi because Qui-Gon is doing what the Force tells him to do in that moment. He isn’t acting in response to a vision of the future, he is acting as someone who has a list of instructions that only gains a new instruction when the prior has been completed. So, some Jedi will try to react accordingly to visions, while the Force is trying to get Qui-Gon to act in the opposite manner, leading to some discordance.

However, Qui-Gon doesn’t actually ever get into all that much trouble, honestly. Which means that they inherently believe him when he says he was willed to do something by the Force. And they trust the Force, even if that means they also have to trust Qui-Gon Jinn.

The Jedi don’t listen to the Force, is what I’m saying, or else they would never be in contradiction with Qui-Gon.

I think the Force shows visions more as a “Look. This is what will happen if you don’t listen to me.” So the Jedi who have visions are supposed to share those and the Jedi who have strong inclinations from the Force can lead them on how to act as the Force requests and it’s a co-existence that’s good, in my opinion, if I’m right.

But, the Jedi stopped doing that. They don’t listen to the Force, they just listen to the things they see in their visions, which inevitably makes those visions come true, you’d think they’d have learned by now-

Is this a very religion sort of view of it? Yes. Do I think that we aren’t supposed to view the Jedi as religious? Yeah. Do I think that nothing about them is based in religion? Of course I think everything about them is based in religion! “Force” as a word is used as the equivalent to the word “God!” “May the Force be with you” is literally just the Star Wars version of “Godspeed” like come on, the Force is so clearly an allegory it isn’t even funny.

All this to say, I think the title “Return of the Jedi” has multiple meanings, as all of the films do, and I think one of them is that Luke puts his faith in the Force. He saw a vision of himself being Darth Vader, but instead of trying to prevent that, he decided “Something tells me my dad still has good in him, so I’m gonna go pull out the good in him.” Luke listens to the Force, even if he doesn’t know that’s what he’s doing, and that’s what the Force has been waiting literal decades for.

I guess we don’t know what the Force told Obi-Wan or Yoda to do, but I think we can reasonably assume that it tried really hard to get them to help people. Like, maybe it gave Obi-Wan a pass because Obi-Wan was looking after a young Force-sensitive, but there’s no way Yoda got one. Jedi seem to be urged to help others above all else by the Force. It wants them to help people, it wants them to save people, it wants the citizens of the galaxy to have improved lives because of the Jedi. That’s the purpose, that’s why Jedi all formed an Order, so they could more easily go save people like the Force wants them to do.

The fact that Yoda and Obi-Wan were both in hiding suggests that they went against the inherent instruction of the Force. Yes, Jedi being alive is important, but look at all the Jedi who somehow lived while also doing so secretly and pretending not to be Jedi so they weren’t murdered. It was difficult, but certainly not impossible.

I think hiding isn’t what the Force wants. The Force wants direct action, for Jedi to step in and change things however they can, and the Jedi didn’t do that for a long time.

So, when the Jedi “return,” it’s more than in just a physical or metaphorical sense, I think it’s also in allegorically theological sense. Because Luke is listening to the Force. More than that, Leia is listening to the Force. The Jedi have returned.

[intosnarkness]

So today, a little over ten years after I posted Yesterday, Upon the Stair (heed the warnings, please) one of my favorite people wrote to ask me if it was a story about a tulpa or a egregore.

And, I have decided that after 10 years of declining to say what happened in that fic, I will give the author's interpretation. With the disclaimer that this is not canon, just what I imagined.

The only things she remembers are heat, and Alexei, and the men who came to help. She doesn't know how it started, or why, and part of her hopes, vaguely, that she never does. She has a bad feeling, in her stomach, that it was her fault.

This is very easy to write off as survivors guilt, but Natasha is right. The fire is her fault.

As a writer, I almost always associated Natasha with fire. It was how I thought of her, the duality of the thing that gives warmth and cooks food, and the thing that destroys so completely.

So, in my imagination, she started the fire in her sleep, using a power that she doesn't know about. Something psychokinetic.

They open her skull more times than she can count, surgery after surgery after surgery, and every time they ask her to do things she cannot do. She cannot move an apple with her mind, she cannot light a match. She cannot create a rainstorm or a tea cake. But they tell her to try, so she does. Nothing ever comes of it.

Natasha gets to the Red Room and they do multiple brain surgeries on her. I name it later in the story - "psychotronics" is a word specifically used in the Soviet Union in the 1980s to cover a wide swath of parapsychological research.

They were trying to take whatever power she had to start fires that they identified when she was in the hospital, and turn her into someone who could warp reality.

And it worked, but not in a way that she could control - because she was never in control of the power, and she never will be.

The very next sentence after the ones above is:

She makes her first kill at twelve years old, her body just beginning to change.

After the brain surgeries, when they try to augment her power, they begin to force this child into violence. And it traumatizes her. I'm not even sure if the thing about her getting her first period that day is true, or if she just can't tell the difference between blood on the outside and the inside anymore.

But every time she is traumatized in this way, she recounts it being harder and harder to summon her imaginary friend, having to reconstruct him until she can't anymore.

When she kills her first human - who is meant to be her younger self, but who knows if that comes across in the story, no one has ever remarked on it - she loses him because she has lost herself. She sends him away, but her desperate attempts to try and hang on crate him at the same time.

Somewhere far away, somewhere exotic. Iowa.

So yes, in my telling Natasha created Clint. I believe that she put him into a family that would have seemed safe and ideal to her - one with violence, with parents and an older brother. Things she wanted or things she didn't know enough to not want.

And because it's magical realism, we just have to guess if she was able to create him in the past or if she inserted him into the present and was powerful enough that no one guessed.

So I guess it's closer to the idea of a tulpa, though I hadn't heard of the the idea before today.