#can you please! stop!! trying to stop people from setting boundaries! and then blaming me because the boundaries i set are ones you don't

[wyvernwinding]

it's finals week can people not leave well enough alone i am trying to study not get bogged down in stupid useless friend drama that i tried to remove myself from a literal year ago

[stuckinapril]

do you have any advice on how to be less of a people pleaser/how to get over it?

You can’t be everyone’s favorite person. You can’t always abandon yourself in favor of always being present for other people. I’m not here to tell you that you should always be selfish—you shouldn’t. A big skill is learning when to be self-centered and when to be other-centered. But if something is causing you too much harm, whether it be emotional or physical, sometimes you just have to put an end to it. Even if it means hurting someone else in the process. It helps me to understand that hurting people is unavoidable in certain situations; everyone has been guilty of it at some point. Getting over your people pleasing tic boils down to being okay with that.

Making the right choice doesn’t always mean making the one that leaves everyone happy. I always like to remind myself that pain forces people to go through character growth, and without it they would still be stuck in their ways. Not catering to someone’s needs can be helpful to them in the long run—at that point they know to revise their behavior not to lose you, or lose someone else, again.

Stop being an anxious helper. That was / sometimes still is a big issue for me. Don’t anticipate people’s needs and try to act in the way you think they want you to. Not only does that cause you to be inauthentic, but it also takes away from the other person’s agency. You can’t fully determine how someone else wants you to act—you don’t actually inhabit their head. You could be totally off the mark. At that point you’re putting yourself through emotional pressure for nothing.

Just hold people accountable. Hold them accountable in the same way you would hold yourself accountable. Just as you don’t expect people to put up with your temper tantrums, don’t put up with other people’s just because you think they inherently deserve more grace than you do. What they’re going through becomes irrelevant if the harm their actions are inflicting is too great.

You also don’t want disrespecting your boundaries to become the norm. You want to set the precedent that you have non-negotiables early on. Being a people pleaser makes that hard to accomplish, because you’re already so used to putting yourself through the wringer for other people. You’ve lost touch w yourself & your emotions. Putting your foot down where it’s warranted helps you get back in touch w your limits, which helps people know what they are, which helps you develop healthy relationships that don’t make you feel exhausted and dismissed. People pleasing is never as simple as “As long as the other person is happy, I’m happy.”

And if this is about you wanting people to like you—wouldn’t you want them to like you for you? Wouldn’t you want someone to appreciate you even while understanding what your boundaries are, not in spite of them? I used to be a people pleaser myself & lemme tell you, in the end all it causes is resentment. The kind of resentment you can’t even do anything about, because you’re the one who’s doing it to yourself. There’s no one else to really blame. You’ve probably been familiar w someone being like “Well, I didn’t ask you to do those things for me.” As if people pleasing doesn’t make you feel dismissed enough as it is.

The bottom line is you don’t want people to like you because they know they can take advantage of you. You want them to like you because they know you have healthy respect for yourself.

[dumplingsjinson]

Let me just uh, set some hard fucking boundaries with some of you people in regards to MY relationship.

Do not keep questioning my choices on MY relationship.

First of all, you're not in this relationship. Let me mess up and find out, if worse comes to worst. Let me fuck around and find out. I'm not going to blame you for not warning me, don't worry. Seriously. So stop questioning me.

Don't keep asking me, "Why don't you label things with him? I think it's bullshit that there are no labels. What's the POINT of this relationship if you're not labelled as such and such? You're just wasting your time. Stop that. It's weird. This doesn't seem right to me. Why call it exclusive if there's no labels?"

Let me fucking date how I want, damn. Let me be in a goddamn relationship how I want, without me needing to explain myself to you. You, who I don't even know. You, who's not even a mere acquaintance of mine. Even my friends aren't questioning me, so who are YOU to question me when you know virtually NOTHING about our relationship?

Why are YOU, as someone who doesn't know the full fucking picture, trying to enforce your rigid little rules onto ME? If you like labels and only commit strictly with someone once those labels are established, good for you! Do you!

But don't go on the internet, read the stuff someone shares (which doesn't paint the whole picture, mind you, because I'm not sharing my whole goddamn life biography on here) and then go running into their inbox and yell at them for their choices, or because their choices differs from yours. Don't do that because you don't KNOW them. Don't act like you know everything from the small details you've read. Yes, I share things on here, but only things I'm comfortable sharing. Surface level shit, basically.

What you think is normal isn't always someone else's normal. Please remember that.

The way some of you act in my inbox... It's embarrassing at best and disgustingly rude and kind of intrusive and also insulting at worst. And because you've got the anon feature on, you think you can just say anything. (That's a whole other rant I've been wanting to get off my chest. I've got a few drafts I've never posted that are from months ago lmfao).

Now, to tone down the aggressiveness for a fraction of as second, I get you care about me and it's probably coming from a good place, but I am TWENTY. THREE.

Let me remind you.

TWENTY THREE.

Not three.

Not thirteen.

TWENTY. FUCKING. THREE.

I can make my own decisions. I am a legal adult, probably moreso than some of you out here coming into my inbox and full on trying to start an interrogation with me like I did something wrong for wanting to do things MY way for MY relationship.

And SLIGHTING me for my choices is where I'm setting the hard boundary at.

DO NOT, and I repeat:

DO NOT...

...under any circumstances, come into my inbox and act like I'm a dumb fucking bitch. (I am a dumb fucking bitch, but I'm also a self aware dumb fucking bitch. There's a difference.)

I know what I'm doing, I know the consequences, I know what I'm in for. I'm not fucking stupid and naive. I'm not a 13 year old about to start her first relationship with her high school crush.

So stop treating me like a donkey, and stop questioning my choices. Remember, as harsh as this sounds, some of you need to hear this and REALISE this: You've got no place in my life to do that. Absolutely fucking none.

Learn to read the room and learn that there are lines that shouldn't be crossed.

OH, I need to add this here. Before some of you come into my inbox and ask me WHY I'm sharing shit if I'm not open to opinions on my choices... There's a difference between opinions and civil discussions, and crossing someone's boundaries and questioning their choices because you think YOUR way of doing things is the right way to do things.

Just because I share some stuff on here doesn't mean that warrants you an automatic pass to shit on my choices. Fuck that bullshit, because that's just shitty behaviour and you need to look inwards and realise you're doing a lot more harm than good by being a piece of shit to someone you essentially do not know.

Remember, if you won't say this shit to someone in real life while looking them in the eyes, then don't fucking say it on anon in some stranger's inbox. That's a dick move, and you're a prick if you do that. Fix yourself, for the sake of humanity.

That is all.

[that-stickfig-phoenix]

"Hey. I'm Phoenix. One of Pomni and Ragatha's kids, and now also C!Caine and Pomni's kid! All of Jax's kids are my cousins, too. I have an amazing and beautiful fiancè, and her name is @hyalos-the-glass-botanist. I'm also the adoptive father of @lilytadc, @caicey-the-caeracaprae, @soldiergoesbonkers, @the-eepy-child, @puppetboysam, @energy-drink-anon and @comfort-anon. I'm also being haunted by a ghost named Ayre (@ask-ayre-the-ghost)."

(Modspeak looks like this)

*Actions and descriptions look like this*

Internal dialogue looks like this

"Speech looks like this"

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ✧ɞ༺ˎˊ˗ Blog Rules ˗ˏˋ༻ʚ✧ɞ༺ˎˊ-

✧˖° RP °˖✧

☆ No NSFW

☆ Please don’t talk about (without permission):

        ✦ Suicide

        ✦ Self Harm

        ✦ Animal Death

        ✦ Animal Abuse

        ✦ Religion (Not a trigger, just a personal preference)

        ✦ Child Abuse

        ✦ Child Death

☆ DO NOT pressure me into things.

☆DO NOT try to control my OCs.

☆ NO NSFW. I may not be a minor, but that does not make it okay.

☆ Nothing hateful

✧˖° Asks °˖✧

☆ Nothing sexual. Suggestive jokes are okay if it’s not directed at the mod or a character that is a minor.

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☆ PLEASE don’t send me walls of text.

Blog rules design is by @rainidaz3

Here are the people I interact with the most (Make sure to check out their blogs!):

@strawberrys-alt / Strawberry

@patchwork-the-fox / Patchwork/Mari

@showtime-in-the-carnival / C!Caine and Pomni

@the-carnival-rabbit / C!Jax

@yejehehe4746 / Cool Anon (Cool)

@littleladylav / Lav

@xxmoonduskxx / Sleepy Anon (Sleepy)

@fluffyr0cky / Fluffy

@anonymousclownn / Clown Anon (Clown)

@soft-sweet-bun / Flip!Jax (Bun)

@lilytadc / Lily

@noahhasbeensummoned / Noah

@ask-the-wurm / Clover

@codebreaker-0 / Codebreaker

@nurbo-the-dragon / Nurbo

@ask-bubble-anything / Bubble

@charlie-channel / Charlie Channel

@pastels-bedazzled-brass-knuckles / Pastel

@the-annoying-juniper / Juniper

I'm 18 (My birthday is October 15th)

I live in the Carnival AU with my adoptive parents, @showtime-in-the-carnival I love you two (/p)

I've got bright orange eyes that actually glow slightly, meaning I can see in the dark!

My hair is also bright orange!

I'm half-abstraction! I'm immune to glitching and can glitch myself to dash forward! I can also understand binary!

I apparently have glowing wings now, so that's cool!

I have a prosthetic right arm, which I've made myself.

I can also speak, read, and write both Nordic Runes and Greek!

(Mod: @single-celled-autism

Tumblr family: @a-p0lythe1sm-sea-l10n (Little brother), @ask-the-rcp-crew (Nibling)

Alt: @phoenix-parentfriend-alt

PFP is by @courtjesterrr! Massive shoutout to them for the amazing art!

Voice Claim: Badgerclops from Mao Mao

When Phoenix is panicking or in grave danger, this music is what I imagine plays over the situation [Timestamp at 1:28]:

Audio file with the exact excerpt coming soon.

I live in Australia, so my blogs, answers, and reblogs will all be at an ungodly hour for many in this RP. Just a heads up.)

(Quick reminder due to past events:

Guys, there are real people behind these blogs. We may be separate from our characters, but that does not mean we cannot be affected by what people send to them.

If what you want to send conflicts with any of the boundaries set in our pinned posts, then don't send them. Those boundaries are there for a reason, and the people that don't know when to stop are the reason they are there in the first place.

Do not pin the blame on something like insomnia, autism, ADHD, bipolar, or any of that. YOU are responsible for what you send, and YOU need to know when to stop.

If you do this kind of thing on the regular, do not be surprised when people block you and tell other blogs about you so they can block you. You are actively making this site a worse place for communities like us, and you have no place in our little corner of the internet.

So either clean up your act, or you can fuck right off.

This is Mod SCA, signing off.)

[crying-fantasies]

Papercuts

Masterlist

Linkin Park's Papercuts compels me to write and I haven't stopped since the 12th more or less in fear of having the inspiration blow away like a candle.

As a former Bayverse girly, you know how hard this one goes for me.

Here goes a little nothing of what is on the oven:

.

You have to set up some boundaries, it's about time and maybe a little forgotten by how things have been going, escalating bit by bit to finally snap on your face, at first it was endearing, how he could cradle you against his faceplate and neck, surrounded by warm living metal as he rumbled in the best way possible to forget the sensation of being smothered as he let's you rest above a fabric collection and pushing you to it with his mass displaced frame, big servos getting the job done before finally having his way with you.

There is no complaining in that part, of course not, it's on the way he just comes and scopes you up, and it's embarrassing given the curious eyes of the people in town and also because it can only last so much before someone notices what is really happening.

.

In all honesty, there is just so much he can take, all attention focused in that attire you're using, um, dressing.

So pretty, how it goes along your natural organic frame's crevices and curves, a little loose and a little too tight here and there, your expression is one of boredom, of exhaustion, but he can't really focus too much on it but in how the little trinkets shine just right if you even move to try and hold less weight on your uncomfortable looking ped protector that looks more like a weapon than a real shoe.

You are so pretty, all shiny, pretty and dangerous as sharp weapons lie at your disposition, his spark vibrates with excitement of having you in front of him, showing off in front of him even when he knows very well you're here against your own liking to please other organics, but that's just right, having you bless them with your presence is more than enough to die with a happy feeling, the light doing a fine job to make you stunning beyond belief.

Makes him so enamoured beyond himself.

Are this the so rumored bubbles or whatever the humans feels in their tanks? Is this it? He never wants for it to go away as you give him a tired look before someone talks in your direction, and his perfect viewing spot is broken as you go to that human with the grace of a soldier limping out of a murderous battle.

Of course, it's only a matter of time before everyone else starts looking at you too.

.

It goes along the tunes of the cries of his child, your voice adding to the chants of please, stop that get waved along your shouting, you calling out for his name as his child cries.

He can feel your minimum weight on his servo, how you are put meters above his, looking at him when he is offering you to monster, a monster that opens it's colossal mouth to devour you.

And that's what it does, right before his eyes, right after his actions, because he has sacrificed you just like that, with no second question, just doing what was asked.

There is no remorse, no emotion as you look at him, and it's all over as your weight is only a fleeting sensation on his pressure receptors.

.

An endless landscape is what greets you, it's a pacific morning, or as much as it can really be before your neighbor says his morning greetings, you don't blame him for the glitch in his vox that leads him to shout almost everything, just do a list in your day, take a moment to deliver some medical rations to help him with it.

But the morning still feels cold, your brain and body are in a war of tug in the prospect of waking up or staying in bed, it would be a very much easier decision if your partner was here in the first place.

You knew in what you're getting into before dating an early bird, but it's 5 a.m. and the sun is barely poking through the horizon, no heated blanket will prevent you from freezing.

In the end no decision is made as your partner returns to the berthroom and the first thing he hears is for him to return to your side.

.

He is still worried if he made the right choice, in the cybertronian record you don't exist or don't have enough importance above your kind, lost in a sea of normal citizens, by the same standard his sparkling doesn't exist, since Orion Pax doesn't remember him there is no way to stop an enforcer from coming to your door and seizing him down, as of he will ever let that happen, it'll be a pain to create an identification for the time his sparkling would want to go back to Cybertron in the future, it's natural and he would never stop his sparkling from the desire to know his roots, but it'll take time if his information is reliable enough, he is still worried about you.

What will you do from now on?

.

He can't still compute on his processor how you did this without killing yourself in the process, it isn't really that difficult for a cybertronian at least, all you need to do is basic chemical formulas and a little of inspiration to have one of these, but humans are different and, as far as he knows, you don't have a filter system or a lab to even begin with to do this kind of thing.

It's like jelly, like the things they had way before the war, it jiggles from one side to the other as he move it but returns to it's first form flawlessly, his optics can't stop looking at the shape that is never forgotten by the material, he hasn't refueled since the last cycle and his HUD is watching what he has in his servo with growing necessity.

It's just, he can't, he could never.

"You have been looking at that cube for an hour or so, what's so great about it?"

.

I'm not sure what to post first since there are some missing details before really finishing, no piece has a real order and I don't say the bots name's, so is secret, only luck will give away who is implied in there but it can also be noticed who is who.

[glittertimes]

There’s something about the “set boundaries and stop people pleasing” side of the internet that is bothering me and I couldn’t fully place it until now.

Like when I was at college I took on way more responsibility than I should have and I didn’t set the boundaries I needed to and I ended up totally burning out and destroying my nervous system.

But then I remember how so many of the things I was taking responsibility for, not only were not my responsibility, they were the responsibility of people in power and the university that wasn’t taking care of me or my friends.

Like I was getting Covid tested weekly, and masking everywhere and avoiding bigger gatherings when possible, and then I was stealing food from the dining hall whenever I could to make sure my friends were eating bc food insecurity was a huge problem in my college town.

Several of my friends threatened suicide or had attempts and I had to talk them down and try to get them help.

And then I was a part of a social justice org where they claimed to respect ppl’s boundaries but then overworked people, and made them feel shitty for taking breaks, or not showing up or even making silly mistakes.

My favorite professor in the program was from Korea and she didn’t fully get American culture and I loved her bc she was so critical of American culture and I looked up to her as another woman of color in the extremely white world of academia.

And she listed lgbt as a gender on a survey once and I thought it was so funny but my white queer classmates made a huge deal out of it and held a whole meeting about the proper terms to use for lgbt people.

And there was just no grace for anyone and it was so cliquey, if you didn’t become best friends with the leaders you were just kind of excluded and you could tell they were talking shit about you. So I never blamed my fave professor for ending her contract early and quitting bc these people were awful to deal with and they still acted like she was the problem in the end.

Like we know a lot of problems setting boundaries / people pleasing come from trauma but it’s also coming from this systemic neglect where we’re never sure if we’re going to get our needs met that causes this chronic insecurity. So we’re always in fight or flight mode we don’t want to rock the boat bc we’ll get kicked out, and capitalism teaches us we’re all replaceable and we have to prove our worth and earn the right to get our basic needs met.

And that’s exactly why I hate academic environments so much because they weaponize all of these ideas against you, make you feel worthless for not measuring up, kick you out and blame you for not keeping up.

I think we’d all be a lot more normal if we were able to get our needs met more often, and yes we should care for ourselves and meet our own needs as best we can. But that will never fully solve the systemic neglect that is fundamental to capitalism because it keeps us working for the upper class, and keeps us from questioning it too much - because that would mean losing everything that we need to live.

[yourdaddyfigure]

Hey,

What are your thoughts on watching porn/following women on social media in a relationship, is it cheating? The other day I found out that my partner of 4 years watches porn behind my back. It was very difficult for me especially when I saw specific people he watched who do not look like me at all but he was assuring me that he will stop and that it is just a habit he had since childhood. I feel deceived but also raped. If I had known all this before I would never have slept with him. I don't know if the problem is in me? I can't even look at myself in the mirror, maybe my body isn't good enough, maybe I need to lose weight, but I still wouldn't look anything like them. I don't know who to turn to. I'm so ashamed to tell anyone about this. If anyone else has any advice or thoughts on this please comment. I think it's a topic that no one wants to talk about.

Thank you

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this. It's completely understandable to feel hurt and deceived in this situation. Watching porn and following women on social media can be a complex issue in relationships, and different people have different boundaries and tolerance levels for it. What's most important is how it makes you feel and the impact it has on your relationship.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. Feeling deceived and hurt is a natural reaction, especially when you discover something that was hidden from you. It's not uncommon for people to feel insecure or compare themselves to others in these situations, but it's crucial to remember that this is not a reflection of your worth or your body. Everyone has different preferences and habits, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

As I always say communication is key in any relationship. It might be helpful to have a conversation with your partner about how this has affected you. Express your feelings without blaming or shaming, and try to understand his perspective as well. Setting clear boundaries and expectations moving forward can help rebuild trust.

Seeking support from a therapist or counselor can also be incredibly beneficial. They can provide a safe space for you to explore your feelings and work through any insecurities or doubts you might have. It's important to take care of your mental and emotional well-being.

Remember, you deserve to feel respected, valued, and loved in your relationship. It's not about changing yourself to meet someone else's standards. It's about finding a balance where both partners feel comfortable and understood. Don't be ashamed to seek help or talk about your feelings. You're not alone in this, and there are people who can support you through it.

[fortpeat]

hi there, i really truly don't want this to sound like i am speaking only to you specifically, but you seem to have a lot of anons approach you about this topic, so please bare that in mind with what i'm about to say. i think people in general need to stop talking about fort and peat's supposed sex lives like they know them personally and are speaking on their behalfs. it feels a bit disrespectful to me. by all means, speculate away about their characters, i'll be the first in line to talk about that, but to talk about fort and peat in that way is wrong. they're real people with real lives. and the fact that i've seen discussions where people speculate about their sexualities and whether they're having sex with each other in real life isn't fair to them. yes, we see a lot of them in our daily life, yes, they indulge us and flirt with each other, but that's a big part of them just doing their jobs. it's called fanservice for a reason. does that mean they don't genuinely love and care about each other? no. but in reality, we don't actually know these boys. and to sit in front of our computers and speculate whether these two very real boys are having sex with each other is a little strange to me. and i do not use this phrase lightly when i say that it does sometimes feed into the fetishizing fandom culture that can be so toxic amongst the queer community. and it needs to be called out and stopped when it borders on that kind of territory. and i'm hoping by sending this message you and your followers might take a step back and see where i'm coming from. i'm not being cruel or trying to police anyone, just merely pointing out that we should all maybe try and set boundaries for the parasocial relationships we have with these boys.

Well hello there.

Clearly you are trying to police me and the people who have come to my blog. If there is something that's clearly making you uncomfortable then there is a button called BLOCK which you have every right to use. But you do not get to come to my blog and blame me for something that I didn't do. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN RESPECTFUL WITH FORTPEAT AND THEIR LIVES.

If you think that its all fanservice then that's your opinion, you don't see me coming to you and shoving down my thoughts down your throat. And I can't control what the anons send me and even if they have then I have always answered them in a way that never crosses the line.

For the record just coz we love Fortpeat and the love they have for each other doesn't mean that we are fetishizing them. Again if what you see on your timeline feels disrespectful for YOU then please block me for all I care. Curate your TL which is suitable for you. These boys have made some of my worst days into the brightest and if you can't understand where I am coming from and the love I have for them then that's your problem.

My blog is my safe space and I am sure that it's the same for atleast one person out there as well and that's more than enough for me.

And for the record my asks barely get one like or sometimes it's none. And anon I am not shouting about this in a public space like twt and tagging them. This is as private as one can be and you know what it's people like you who make it weird and wrong to talk about two humans who are affectionate with each other.

Again please feel free to use the block button. 🙏🙏 It saves us both the headache of ever having to interact.

(P.S. I can totally be nice to people who are nice to me but if someone comes into my blog and accuses me of something that I clearly haven't done so, then the "nice" is out the door)

[witch-sweets]

WHAT HAVE I DONE? I JUST WROTE A SUPER LONG FIC ABOUT QUEEN VANESSA THATS WHAT!

And it's a songfic

Also technically a horror fic because people die and stuff gets spooky

Please read the warnings in the tags before you read they are very serious

Killer Queen

"Earth to Crown boy!" The Prince snapped out of his thoughts "Sorry Lune!" "we have a test to do focus!" Right! he had completely forgotten. he was in the middle of studying the divorce process this was important! a smug smile appeared on his blue haired classmate. "your thinking about her aren't you~" Lune teased "how can i not!" "here we go again-" "she has beautiful silky blonde hair, she has eyes that shine like rubies, she is kind to all her subjects, her crown always sparkles-" "ok i get it your madly in love with her! some people aren't as lucky as you to score a literal queen!" "i mean she wasn't always a queen. i knew her before then infact! Ive know her for years." "If so then has she always been lovey-dovey around you?" The Prince looked at his classmate in confusion "what do you mean?" "its obvious she more head over heels than you are! it almost freaks me out how insanely in love she is!" he shifted his eyes away from Lune "i mean i guess shes always been like this even though i was the one to confess..." Lune looked at him with concern "just be careful ok? set boundaries, make sure she doesn't interfere with your life and your goals." "ok..."

"Princess ive returned!" the halls were silent claws marking the corridor. "i brought you flowers..." he said his voice unsure. "i thought you loved me!" even when she was upset there was still an air of elegance to her-wait upset? why was she upset? "my love what are you talking about?" he was confused to say the least. "YOU WERE HOLDING HANDS WITH HER!" "m-my love i dont know what your taking about how about we dicuss it over some tea?" "TEA WONT FIX YOUR TREACHERY!" he stepped back. ok maybe she was more upset then he thought but why? what did he do... "i understand your upset Nessa how about you explain what i did wrong-" an icicle shot up from the floor nearly impaling his chest right where his heart would be. "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID! YOU WERE WITH HER!" who was she talking about? "N-Nessa please lets try to handle this maturely-" he felt ice cold claws swipe across his cheek. there she was staring straight through his soul with gleaming ruby red eyes, her crown glittering against the ice haphazardly spread across the walls. "N-Nessa p-please?" "GUARDS! LOCK HIM AWAY I NEVER WANT TO SEE HIS TRAITOROUS FACE AGAIN!!!"

"Nessa PLEASE!" his screams were fruitless. tears began to trickle down his cheeks. He couldn't believe he fell for her-her perfect face, and sweet demeanor, and-and her crowns, and her manor, and those ruby red eyes! wait... no stay positive this will all blow over right? right. she would release him and apologize for her actions and they would hold hands under the moonlight and everything would be ok! right? YES! STOP DOUBTING! she didn't mean any of the things she said they had fights before and it always turned out ok! it was getting colder by the minute. it was spring though? unless she froze the entire manor in anger which he absolutely believed she would-wait no he didn't she was better than this... wasn't she? his thought flipped between blaming Vanessa and blaming himself to the point where he didn't know who's fault it was anymore. "VANESSA PLEASE CAN WE WORK THIS OUT?" it had been 2 years since he called her name but the situation was desperate enough to warrant it... it had been 1day and the dread was finally setting in... He wasn't getting out he was going to die down here but that didn't stop him from begging until his throat was sore and all he could do was cry. 4 days passed and he couldn't cry anymore all he could do was remain as he was until death claimed him... he had lost all hope. the 5th day exhaustion finally set in as the cold lulled him to sleep... for the rest of eternity.

it was a calm spring day in the village. Ivy had just sold some flowers to Prince and everything was normal... until it started snowing. the residents were confused. wasn't it the middle of spring? as the snow continued to fall a dark shadow set over the village. the storm started small beginning as a strange but tame snowfall but as time moved on the winds slowly grew intense and the snow soon flurried to the point it was hard to see, the wind so rapid it could blow away a small animal with ease. and then the ice began to appear. spiking out of the ground nearly impaling several villagers. as it spread throughout the village blocking any possible exits. and in that moment all HELL broke lose. The ice began to encase people everyone running in fear from the crystals cold grasp but it was futile as more and more people were encased in an icy demise. screams echoed through the woods as everyone ran and panicked in fear. until SHE showed up... a shadowy figure with tangled hair black as the void, long claws tipped with frost, and ruby red eyes gleaming with malice. deranged laughter rang throughout the land as more and more villagers were frozen solid. children crying, adults praying to whatever god was out there for mercy, people hiding anywhere they could all in futile attempt to escape the fate that awaited them. once the last child was frozen the Queen let out a mad cackle as she returned to her manor... the woods were quiet once more...

Hat Kid had no idea what she was getting into. the cold wasteland greeted her. It was nothing like the rest of the woods to the point she was unsure of her choice don't get her wrong she did NOT want to touch an outhouse but at he same time the icy graveyard that awaited her wasn't a very good alternative. as she approached the manor she could feel eyes on her but she didn't know where. there were those weird shaped ice spikes coming from the ground but they were just ice... right? walking through the cellar was nauseating she could barely stand. she heard voices from all around her. desperate screams for someone named Vanessa to come back and when the screams ceased she heard familiar laughter ring out from all around her. she plugged her ears but i did nothing to cease the manic echoey laughs. once she crawled out of the cellar she managed to stand back up and shamble towards a door strange whispering surrounding her as she limped. "WHOS THERE WHO DARES ENTER MY HOME!" she fell onto her back as the floor began to shake and a blinding red glare filled her vision. she tried to stand but she couldn't. a large shadowy figure lunged at her grabbing her by her neck and slamming her against a wall. ice began to creep around her as she screamed for someone-ANYONE to help her! but it was no use... she stared the monster in its ruby red eyes right before shutting them. she didn't want the last thing she saw to be a monster. The ice creeped further and further up her neck. she just wanted it to be over already she BEGGED for it to be over soon. she felt drowsy she could barely stay awake... it was too cold.

"should've seen her back in the day kid! like dynamite with a laserbeam!" the spirit taunted her. she was already having a hard time avoiding the security penguins. "WHO? WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT IM KINDA BUSY RIGHT NOW!" she leaped across sandbags and rolled onto to next platform "oh nobody of importance i thought you knew that kid?" she didn't admit it but she did know who he was talking about. he was talking about the The ice reaper, The Ruler who snapped... The Killer Queen...

[tealeavesandthorns]

OOC Post | How the 'tism affects my rping!

// I wanted to create this post to try and help people understand how autism and to an extent adhd can affect my RPing abilities.

In the past both of these things have negatively affected my ability (though to be fair I wasn't aware that either of those were problems I suffered with).

To be entirely honest, I'm still figuring out a lot about autism, about the way it affects my brain, about how it's both hurt and helped me in the past. I suppose the biggest thing I'm asking for is patience and mostly direct speech.

This post got long and a bit rambly. So the long and short of it is:

I sometimes struggle in group settings, especially where the focus becomes on the personal rather than a specific subject

I sometimes struggle with communication, including setting boundaries.

Due to masking I sometimes struggle with setting boundaries

I sometimes struggle (not autism this one but anxiety), with expectations I perceive people to have built up around me, especially when I am having a hard time.

Under the read more though there is a rambly post about struggling with rping and realisations I've had.... for those who want to read or are interested. If you have any questions too please feel free to message me.

Communication and masking are the biggest two things I have seen affect my roleplaying in the past, hence focusing on these.

Like many autistic people though I have things that run alongside my autism - anxiety, OCD, occasional depression and there's a high probability of ADHD. Whilst these have also contributed to certain breakdowns over the years I feel like the autism has been the biggest cause and now understanding it, I think, will stopped me getting burned out as easily.

COMMUNICATION & MASKING

Roleplaying is a communicative hobby - I know this, you know this. RPing requires communicating and building intricate relationships for characters with worlds and partners.

Where I struggle is when the focus switches from story to personal lives. I'm going to be direct here because it's the only way I know how to say this; I have loved every organic friendship that has come about because of tumblr and the tumblr roleplay community. However because of masking I have often put too high demands on myself or cultivated relationships where I feel I need to be available at all times. I have quickly burnt out. Because I didn't understand why I was so frustrated and upset with those relationships when they have broken down. I have disappeared or ended up alone.

I'm not just blaming my autism here, I hope that comes across. I take full responsibility for those breakdowns but the fact is I didn't understand what was happening to me.

Due to masking all my life I was unable to set proper boundaries and I began to struggle when people were talking to me about personal problems more than we were ever writing or talking about writing.

That probably sounds harsh. Writing is my special interest though and in some ways I guess it could be considered a stim. I love writing, it's all I want to do and plotting and talking about characters and headcanons and meta brought me so much joy.

I really struggled too because I felt like I wasn't being fair to people who were actively, clearly, trying to befriend me. I struggled in group settings when people tried to organize socials and even more so when there were chaotic games of cards against humanity.

Part of it was me not wanting to miss out and I absolutely could not keep up with a shedule of nights being up til 4am and then back awake for my job.

And this is where the potential ADHD comes in because inspite of all those things I LOVE a million threads, I love a million threads with different partners and with one partner. I love a million universes, I love building little universes in our corners of the internet. I love making friends and talking to people and my god if I like your character and you I will go to the ends of the earth for you. I'll help you and love on you and suggest a million threads.

That's intense right?

But see the problem is I then can't keep up that level on intensity and I burn out.

I also struggle with a strong sense of justice. I never thought I would say those words but it is now becoming abundantly clear to me that my strong sense of justice, that moral compass inside me has bitten me on the ass a few times for things that were relatively minor and that normal people can brush off.

Like I said I'm still figuring out a lot about my autism and how it impacts me in all areas of my life. Rp and writing is one of those areas I need to tease apart. It's not been as easy, as say, understanding how it effects my senses.

[yanderelovlies]

✨Galaxy Anon ✨ here!

( Here are the responses tumblr didn’t send)

Ooh what is this game focused on? Oh don’t worry I get distracted a lot too. And maybe since it’s easier sometimes especially having to deal with the pain that is life.

*nods head* Yes please that be most appreciated.

Pfft now that I read it back it does sound evil. Haha I meant as a warning for your feelings but I could go for that evil vibe as well lol.

Same I love lore in video games, more than actually playing the game. At least he is involved in it and also setting down his boundaries. Good for him. Honestly very true since a lot of YouTubers let it become so bad they become narcissistic or outed as predators which is such a pain to deal with.

Yes especially when they “ talk” about the subject and never bring it up or even private it showing they don’t feel sorry at all or not even say anything at all. I had a YouTuber who I didn’t watch often but when finding out what he did I actually was a bit surprised since he never struck me as the type but unfortunately looks can be deceiving. Never heard of them but at least now I have another YouTuber to avoid. Also for example artists YouTubers I don’t want to give them money for being awful and it’s shame since some of them have done amazing works and while I can separate art from artists it’s hard to find a upload that isn’t on there channel to watch so I don’t actually give the person views.

Ooh that makes sense. I will check a gameplay on that.

So basically play your route kinda game? I see. Ooh that sounds Interesting and nownI can see the differences between the two games.

Oh makes sense I understand that you have to look for the lore and sometimes it’s hard to keep track of. Yeah I don’t blame you I would just want to know the lore already and try to find people who can explain it.

Yeah I only want to shame people who have incest or actually condone horrible acts and say the acts are fine in real life and your like “ No?”

Oh I don’t mind spoilers can you explain in better detail. Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if there was in the fandom. The more bigger a fandom the weirder and grosser parts of it are easier to find.

Yay!

Ahh I see basically the whole “ I have to deal with it” mindset. Maybe it was because they were afraid if you had them on you wouldn’t hear them clearly and be more inclined to get distracted resulting in less than satisfactory results. Wow so many big words lol.

No problem viví. I know that would be the worst if someone bad had a hold of this information and hurt you with it. Besides you don’t need to feel sorry for having boundaries.

I can’t wait to see more of it! I love to see how you handle this conflict branching off this one shot! I mean in the end as least is the readers know we are so amazing we were able to charm Joseph lol.

Do you remember if you actually left it open or even a kinda like dream that could explain why it was opened? Anything different in the house? Maybe something wasn’t stolen but maybe vandalized in your house? Not to mention also was there anyone who was last there who could have something to do it? Maybe accidentally leaving the door opened when leaving.

So the main plot of the first three is stopping these sentient machines called the Reapers. They are giant ships that hide in dark space till races rise to glory, then harvest/kill them all. However, each game is like steps to stopping them. The first two delay their arrival while gathering information (and saving people), while the third game is rallying all the races to fight the Reapers. The fourth one really doesn't have anything to do with the first three. totally different characters in a totally different galaxy. They also introduced a new alien species in this game called the Angran. I love them so much

*gives you my fluffed blanket and pillow pet* Here you go, friend 💕

Lol, villain in the making right there.

Honestly, that's Dark Souls for me. Love the lore hate the stupid difficulty. I'm really looking forward to his movie and seeing him in the fnaf movie. Also, no kidding, it's getting scary at this point.

I feel the exact same way. I won't lie i go through the subscribe list every now and again, just in case I don't like supporting anyone who hurts others.

Lol, the funny part is when I play dark souls I more on edge and anxious, which is why I make so many mistakes, but while playing DMC, I button smash 👀

Lore finding is even worse Elden Ring (It was made by the same people who made dark souls). I recently beat the game, and I can't tell you anything about the lore. Just that I killed a bunch of bosses and became a lord. That's it. so I'm watching YouTube.

I will never understand why people think shit like that is okay

Well, each fire emblem is different. different stories, different characters, and different land. However, there are few that suffer from the "She is a million year old dragon, but looks like a little girl, and one to my knowledge is marriable. One of them also has Incest unfortunately. If you're male, you can marry your actual cousin, and if you're female, you can marry that cousin's son. don't get me started in the rest of the romances. the story isn't the best either, and it's such a shame to me because there are two characters from there that I love so much, but I'm not a fan of the game.

That all being said, the more recent fire emblems don't have Incest and they do have a little dragon girl, but you can't marry her, and she acts like kid so she falls more into the little sister role. They are learning.

Really, that's my only thought process when working. I've had friends in the past who were the opposite, and i saw how that went. I mean, you're probably right. I should have been more aware of my surroundings. It was just hard for me to work without it. I don't like the quiet it bothers me. God, that sounds spoiled of 😭

Thank you for understanding.

I've been working on it piece by piece. I've been busy, so it might be a bit before it's ready, unfortunately.

Well, what happened was I went to my moms house to get something. When I came back to mine, I thought I shut my door properly, but I didn't. sometime early that morning, my cat and dog were playing and opened the door. I did recheck everything, and nothing has been messed with or taken. Since then, I have always checked my door twice.

[venranae]

Its so hard to stay positive and funny but everyone around just beats it out of you. The when you feel like shit they suddenly feel better and want you to stop being such a downer. Fuck off. Everyone can fuck off. I dont care about people anymore.

I once lost my entire friend group for being "a downer". I was straight up just depressed and felt miserable and was left alone all by myself. Don't get me wrong, I get its hard to be around people that have a very pessimistic view on being alive and it sucks energy out of you but also they didn't understand that I was crying for help. I understand that you are mad at the world and people around you for not understanding how you feel and that's valid but I promise there will always be people that listen and actually care about your feelings. Shutting you down won't help to make you ever feel better. And i'm not saying friends are therapists but they should at least tolerate your feelings and if it gets too much they can take breaks or set boundaries instead of blaming you for sth you cannot help. You are trying your best and that's what matters please don't give up hope in everyone I truly hope you find people that don't make you feel like this anymore, I know from experience its one of the worst feelings

[bratz-kitten]

blockages that the placements need to work through 

here are some things i’ve been working on ft. the astrological placements that i believe they’re revelant to, in case anyone else needs this 

sun aspecting venus, harsh aspects to the ascendant - saying no. it’s not so much like... a need to say yes to please other people, but a fear of saying no and facing the repercussions of it. lately i’ve been trying to simply say no to things that make me uncomfortable because turns out i do have a great difficulty setting boundaries lmfao. when my male friends make a sexual comment about me, i just say “stop, don’t talk about me like that” and when people invite me to hangouts that i don’t have the energy to go to i simply say “i won’t go, but thank you for inviting me”. the most difficult part is dealing with the guilt that comes with refusing others, and i’m telling myself that it’s okay to piss people off if it’s to maintain my feeling of safety 

moon in capricorn, moon harshly aspecting saturn - letting myself depend on others. i’m coming to terms with the fact that i’m not as big of a lone wolf as i believe myself to be lmfao. like, it’s okay that i depend on my emotional bonds sometimes! it’s okay to allow myself to love with no restrictions, with no “but i can’t let them see me vulnerable”, with no “what do i get out of this connection?”, no “oh i have to be nonchalant about how much i care for them or else they’re gonna know they have power over me and abandon me” no. i’m letting myself write the dumb sappy texts, to make the effort, to show how much i care, to open up to others. i’m easing with my calculating instincts. i don’t have to drown in my loneliness and i refuse to spend a lifetime avoiding getting close to others in fear of them hurting me. i’m working on seeing my strength, like... it’s ok if they hurt me because i will survive 

saturn in gemini, mars in the 12th house, mars harshly aspecting neptune - taking action when i need to. especially in real life, i have a lot of difficulty with taking action. like, if i’m in an argument with someone, or if someone is actively pissing me off, my first instinct is to end the conversation and escape so that it won’t escalate. theoretically, that’s smart... in practice, it makes me gulp down a lot of situations in favor of keeping the peace, and it makes me live an entirely different life in my mind vs. in reality. like, in my mind, when something happens i’ll fantasize about being assertive and talking back to the person, about standing my ground. but in real life i just... quietly move to a different room. plus it’s difficult for me to feel things in the moment, like something will happen and i won’t register it but days later i will think back on it and be practically fuming in anger. these past few weeks i’ve been working on just, saying what i want to say. even if i’m aware the situation can escalate, at least i won’t have any regrets, and it’s made me realize that people aren’t as easy to anger as i thought them to be, and that i’m stronger than i believed myself to be 

moon harshly aspecting jupiter - allowing myself to break down. my moon opposite jupiter is at a 0º orb, and when i tell you i feel every ounce of it, i really do. like, my emotions are extremely disregulated. on one hour i will be at the highest of the highs, and then the next hour i’ll be crying on the floor telling myself i’m the worst person alive. which just... causes me to feel even more guilty about how i speak to myself, and about how volatile my emotions are, and then i’m just a mess of guilt and self-criticism and “stop acting like a baby”; i feel easily overwhelmed and like i’m doing way too much, overreacting to every possible situation. and then, an hour later, im just like.... emotionally numb. anyways, instead of making it worse by blaming myself for my emotions, i’ve been just. allowing myself to feel. no guilt, no shame, just allowing myself to feel bad because of the innate belief that i’ll get over this, i’ll move forward, it’ll get better 

venus harshly aspecting the ascendant - dealing with a poor self-image. i have a lot of issues with my body image. so, instead of analyzing my body from every single angle and blaming myself for it, i’ll just. not look in the mirror. like, you know when you’re a kid, you’re barely aware that you have a body - it’s there, it functions, it helps you play and eat and grab things, but you don’t really spend time thinking about it’s shape and appearance because it doesn’t matter. that’s the mentality i’m trying to work with right now, that my body is there: it deserves food, exercise, to be washed and dressed in comfortable clothing, and that’s that. i’m releasing myself of the judgment that comes with my poor self-image 

natal saturn retrogade - stop buying things just to watch them sit there. like, i buy things that i don’t even use. or i buy things that i plan to use, but then i end up not using them out of guilt of having bought them, or lack of energy to use them, or fear of using them and messing up. so, what i’m doing is grabbing all the things i don’t use, and if i truly don’t want to use them, i’ll simply discard of them, and if i do want to use them, then i’m making plans to do so. no letting them sit in my room and feeling guilty every time i look at them 

mars dominance, mars aspecting personal planets, mercury aspecting pluto, debilitated moon (in capricorn or scorpio) - stop verbally insulting others in discussions. the point of having a discussion is to explain both perspectives and come to an agreement/compromise, not to try to win. unfortunately, this is something i’ve always had great difficulty understanding lmfao. as soon as i’m in a discussion the point stops being to shed light on the situation but to use the words i know will hurt the person the most so that they’ll feel the pain that i feel. when someone is not understanding me, part of me just wants to make them go through what i went through so that they’ll get it - especially if i have an emotional attachment to the person (for example, them being my family or romantic interest). this is extremely toxic and it’s giving me when your parents say “when i was younger i had it much more worse than you, and i’m going to somehow make this your problem”. so, i’ve been thinking twice about what i say to people. is what i’m about to say to this person relevant to this discussion, or do i just want my words to sting them so i can watch them crumble? i ask myself this question, and i try to show others the empathy that i want them to show me. 

planets in the 12th house, lilith in the 12th house - developing a better sleep schedule. i don’t remember the last time that i went to sleep before 5am, and this has greatly impacted my mental and physical health in general. like, i’ll go to bed extremely late, and then i wake up late and it takes me hours to find the strength to get out of bed because i just feel so shitty. the reason why i avoid sleeping early is because i struggle a lot with nightmares, because of my own paranoid thoughts and fears, and because it’s my “peaceful” time. like, during the day i have to deal with my parents being awake and... well, just existing in general, and i have to deal with my responsibilities and my family, but at night i get to just exist for myself and do whatever. but also, i struggle a lot with intrusive/paranoid thoughts that keep me from falling asleep. this is due to my anxiety and mental health problems, and to be honest i still don’t really know what to do to deal with this. like... the thing that’s helped me the most so far is to turn off my phone/computer since i get headaches easily, petting my cat until i feel calm enough to at least try to sleep, and to avoid taking naps throughout the day since that’ll just leave me with way too much energy at night 

[unforth]

What I think a lot of antis misunderstand about the message of someone like me - as someone outspokenly pro-ship and pro-kink is...

Everyone is within their right to want to protect themselves from content that makes them uncomfortable! If you're a minor, and you don't want adults to interact with you? That's a reasonable boundary to set! Boundaries, in general, are usually healthy, appropriate, and even necessary (not always, of course, but most of the time!). Heck, I am pro-basically-everything, but I still set boundaries, and there's lots of content I support the existence of without ever having any desire to interact with myself. Like. Ever. EVER. You do you but I'll be over here, having nothing to do with it, thanks. I'm anti-censorship, and pro-fiction-is-fiction, period.

So, when people like me roll our eyes and go, "God, why are all these people making ridiculous DNIs? Don't they know how pointless this is?" we're not saying "Don't set boundaries."

You absolutely should set boundaries, for your mental health, comfort, and protection.

We're saying - okay, well, maybe I shouldn't speak for everyone - but, I'm saying, "why are people who only feel comfortable within such narrow boundaries on a website like Tumblr?"

This is the fucking anti-boundaries website! It has reblogging functions you CAN'T TURN OFF. The instant your post leaves your blog? You lose all control over it! Even if you delete the original, you can NEVER get rid of those reblogs! So if you don't want certain types of people interacting with you? Short of hard-wiring that information into the very nature of the post (like, as an enormous watermark that covers your entire piece of artwork) you will never, on Tumblr, be able to set your boundaries, enforce those boundaries, and have them respected.

It's impossible, and it's not because everyone on Tumblr is selfish, or mean, or disrespecting you personally. It has absolutely nothing to do with you! The vast majority of Tumblr users see something they like - and like it for any of a million or more different reasons - and then reblog it without every considering the existence of the original poster beyond MAYBE noticing their username at the top of the post.

They won't check your DNI.

They won't know your squicks.

They won't remember your triggers.

Tumblr is not, nor will it ever be, a safe space.

You cannot, and will never be able to, control the behavior of the Tumblr userbase in the interest of protecting your own personal limits.

It is impossible to set and maintain personal boundaries on Tumblr.

People who say, "god, why do people have these DNIs" aren't saying, "you should be comfortable with everything and if you're not how DARE you," we're saying, "there is a fundamental mis-match between your desire to set boundaries, on the one hand, and the social media platform you've chosen, on the other."

There ARE platforms where it's possible to set boundaries. Discord, Pillowfort, Wordpress, even Facebook, have more functionality for any given individual regulating who interacts with created content and how they can interact.

THIS IS NOT THAT PLATFORM.

If you want to be able to strictly police your boundaries, you are in the wrong fucking place. Anything you post on here, could, at any time, wildly escape containment, get taken entirely out of context, end up on the blog of a domme, or a furry, or a parent, or your grandmother, or, or, or.

If you want to have strict control of your content, your blog, and who you interact with?

You should not be on Tumblr.

You are just setting yourself up to get hurt...and then you blame everyone else when it happens, even though the issue is the mis-match caused by your decision to be on a website that is a total free-for all. YOU CHOSE TO BE HERE, and then you get mad...at the people already here...for not conforming to your expectations. That's a YOU problem, not an everyone else problem. It's like you barged into a Pride parade and went, "Wait why are all these queer people here? And why is there a Parade? I'd rather just hang out with my own friends in a much smaller event CALL OF THE PARADE I DON'T LIKE IT." You sound like a child, and an idiot. Congrats, there are clowns at the circus, what a shock! If you didn't want the queers, if you didn't want the clowns, if you didn't want strangers interacting with you, if you wanted to set and maintain boundaries, then you failed the instant you came on Tumblr. Tumblr is not a website designed for this. End of story.

Have safe spaces. Set boundaries. I encourage you. Heck, I beg you. Having places you feel safe and surrounding yourself with people who respect your boundaries is stupidly important, no matter how young or old you are, how vanilla or kink, how anti- or pro-ship. But it cannot be done it here, and the expectation that it CAN is what so often leads people who are actually behaving like bullies to believe themselves to be victims.

So, like, if this describes you? If you want strict boundaries, and to have certain types of people not interact with you?

The best thing you can do is leave Tumblr, and find your communities elsewhere.

I promise, everyone will be happier if you do.

(and before you say, "but all the things I want are also on Tumblr!" it is...so stupidly easy to make a message board, or create a Discord server. I'm not saying don't have fandom spaces that suit you! I'm not saying you don't belong in fandom! On the contrary, PLEASE do things that bring you joy - but do it in a way you're comfortable with! You're entitled! You deserve it! And you will never be able to here! EVER. This is NOT that space, and you and those who feel as you do should create your own. For your OWN safety, first and foremost, because you deserve a space where your boundaries are respected. And you can't here. This website is explicitly designed to prevent bloggers from being able to protect their boundaries! Expecting your boundaries to be expected here is like going to a field of wildflowers and saying, "ONLY queen anne's lace here all other flowers DNI" and being shocked and personally offended when there'sother flowers all over the fucking place. You can't control what flowers are in the field. Tumblr is a field of weeds and they will grow like crazy, everywhere, no matter what you try to do to stop them. Because that's Tumblr's nature. So STOP TRYING. Go somewhere that you CAN prevent that, and tada, you'll be safe!)

[angsty-omi]

you get jealous of their manager

suna rintarou; sakusa kiyoomi

angst to fluff, hurt/comfort.

suna rintarou

when rin told you about the new manager, you didn’t expect her to be blonde, curvy, and absolutely gorgeous. honestly, just looking at her made you insecure. the way all the boys gawked at her everytime she walked by. you didn’t care about the boys though, you only cared about a boy, your boyfriend rin. she’s with him longer than he’s with you. practices take up most of his day, so you only saw him once he got to your shared apartment where he was too tired to do anything that exterted energy. to be fair, you were fine just staying in, but imagining him with her during practices made you uncomfortable.

it was even worse when he’d go out to dinner with the team and her. you couldn’t remember the last time he’d even ask you on a date. you hated the way he stopped trying once you started dating. starting to reach the AMs when you called him.

“y/n?” his slurred tone showed that he was drunk.

“suna? where are you? it’s almost 12 am.” you scolded. how could you not? he’s drunk and with a girl that you were very envious of.

“first of all, can you chill? i literally told you that i’d be out with the boys, i don’t understand why you’re getting so upset,”

“upset? you’re literally out with a girl who’s very attarctive” you frustrated.

“oh i see what this is now, you’re jealous and you don’t trust me.”

“it’s not a matter of trust, it’s just i fe-feel uncomfortable and i oh i don’t know wanted to talk about it?” you started to raise your voice. the attempt to set a boundary has failed, and rather was replaced with you being the enemy.

“she’s my friend y/n, get over it because you’ll be seeing a lot more of her,” rin hissed.

“i’m not telling you who you can be friends with or not, but you have to understand where i’m coming from” you murmured.

“just leave me alone, i can be friends with whoever i want, and the last thing i’m going to do is let a bitch dictate that.” suna argued loudly.

it was followed up by silence, with a girl voice cutting in, “rin-rin let’s do this song together!” in a high pitch squeal caught the mic.

“oh so you’re rin rin now huh? i can’t be surprised considering how much time you spend with her!”

“well maybe i like hanging out with her. did you ever think of that y/n? it’s nice to have someone who wouldn’t nag or bitch about me, she doesn’t pry for me to open up,” he attempted to justify his actions.

“okay fine then, if she’s soooo perfect than just date her” words just started spilling out of your brain, and it was too late to take it back.

“maybe i will!” he roared. after he sunk in what he was saying, he followed up with “w-wait i didn’t mea-” trying to save his relationship.

“do whatever you want suna, whether you’re with her or not it’s not my problem anymore, i’m done.” you ended the call, tears freely flowing down your face.

you couldn’t sleep that night. pathetically, you’d hope that suna would at least give you a call back, or any sign that he still cared for you. but he didn’t, and you assumed that was your answer. you would reevaluate the relationship after a good nights sleep on the couch. you couldn’t sleep on the bed due to suna’s lingering scent.

when 4am rolled around, the door opened as quietly as possible. suna assumed that you were asleep in bed, and was prepared to join you. when he walked in the bedroom and saw the bed still made, he panicked. did you really leave? were you actually done with the relationship? he checked everywhere, the bathroom, kitchen, the basement, and not the most obvious place ever. he dialed your phone, and heard loud ringing from the living room. he slapped his forehead in stupidity and made his way over to you. his heart broke at the sight. the way you tried to fit your body with the throw blanket, unaware that you were shivering at the cold. your face was also pale, with dried tears on them. you looked so broken and so drained. immediately, suna carried you off the couch bridal style, and tucked you into the soft king sized bed. he then, moved onto his side and slid under the sheets. it’s only when he grabs your waist is when he feels safe enough to sleep.

five hours later, you awake with dried tears still in your eyes. you wiped them with your arm, and felt weight around your waist. once your eyes were cleared, it was suna. you let yourself comfort in his warmth for just a bit more, knowing that there’s a huge argument to come.

“suna we can’t just not talk about this,” you whispered into his ear, knowing he was awake. he hid in the crook of your neck, “i’m sorry. i’m so so sorry, please take me back.”

“i can’t just accept your apology blindly, we have to set boundaries or else we’ll never move forward.” you sighed while tracing circles on his bare chest.

“i’ll never even look at her again,” his face deadpanned. your laugh vibrated against his chest, “that’s not needed, it’s not really her fault anyways. how about, we spend more time on dates and devote days for each other?”

“anything, princess.”

sakusa kiyoomi

sakusa hated physical touch, the spread of germs with a single handshake grossed him out. that’s why he built a cold exterior to prevent many from getting close. however, when he met you, you happened to be the exception and you took pride in the fact that he was only comfortable with you. he’ll never admit it to you though, and claims he only ‘endures’ your hugs. although, you knew your limit, you would never show affection in front of people. if there’s one thing sakusa hates, it’s PDA.

so you couldn’t really blame the new cute manager for flirting with him, because it seemed like he was single. listen, you trusted sakusa with your whole heart, but you just wanted to see how he would react with a girl flirting with him.

you hid behind the door, eavesdropping behind the door.

“sakusa-senpai, can you please help me up?” the cute manger whined.

“can you not get up yourself?” sakusa groaned.

“no i think i twisted something,” as a girl, you knew exactly what she was doing and her execution was poor. you rolled your eyes, assuming sakusa too would know what she was doing.

but he didn’t.

“thank you, sakusa-senpai!” she squealed, and then what you can assume, she hugged him. because then it caught him by suprise, and they both fell together, with her on top of him. you didn’t hear him scolding her, rather he was laughing. he was happy with her presence when he wouldn’t even physically show it with you. you decided to just walk in and stop this.

amidst of their laughter, both heads looked up at you. “sakusa, don’t you have to get home soon?” with an eyebrow raised.

“uh actually sakusa-senpai it’s getting dark, mind if you could walk me home?” she babbled.

“fine, y/n you can walk yourself right?” he said casually, while packing up his things.

“y-yeah i guess” you stammered.

on your walk home, you were reevaluating what just happened. no longer did you feel special anymore. your brain started to overthink itself, why did they look better as a couple? and why was he so relaxed around her? was i just not the right person? has he found his true love? all these scenarios made you start to tear up. you were in love with the germaphobic man, for god sakes.

when you got the shared apartment, you immediately took a shower, knowing that sakusa was going to nag you anyways when you got home.

then, you started on dinner and chopping up some vegetables when you heard the door open. he nodded at you, acknowledging your presence and was waiting for the hug you gave him everytime he came home. but you didn’t, and he awkwardly just stood there for good minute or two. to your suprise, he was the first one to make the move. he wrapped his arms behind you and resting his head on your neck. immediately, you shrugged him off.

he furrowed his eyebrows, “is there something wrong?”

“i don’t know, is there something wrong?” you repeated his question.

“i wouldn’t know, that’s why i asked.” he bellowed.

you put the knife down and faced him, “you know i love the double standard of how i have to shower before i get to touch you, but that whore gets to touch you whenever,” you ranted.

“our new manager? you can’t be serious. we fell, it was an accident.”

“maybe you thought it was, but i know what she was doing because i, too am a girl. if you guys just ‘fell’ why did it take so long for you to get back up? why’d you let her touch you for so long?” you questioned.

“i wasn’t thinking about it, not everything i do in life is rotated around germs-”

“except when it’s with me” your voice cracked. “right? it’s when it’s with me, that must be it. that’s why you never show any affection, but it’s okay for you because you’ve gotten tons from me and her!” you raved.

he tried to wrap his around you, but you moved out the way.

“don’t touch me with that whore’s filth,” you muttered, turning off the burner and stomped to your shared bedroom, slamming the door. your insecurities were roaring on the inside. sakusa chose to sleep on the couch, thinking you needed space. but, that was the least thing you wanted. you wanted him to beg, or to at least apologize.

over the following days, you didn’t wait for him outside of practice. in fact, the only time he saw you was in the morning before classes and at night when you left leftovers for him in the kitchen. after the argument, he pushed everyone away, especially with the new manager. he only wanted one person’s touch, yours. and to achieve that, he had to put in some effort. that night when he got home, he went straight to the shower. you assumed it was just a normal silent treatment day, so you went to bed scrolling.

you felt the weight on the other side of the bed. knowing who it was, you continued to aimlessly scroll on tiktok. sakusa abruptly grabbed your waist and coddled you, drowning you in pecks all around your face.

“mh.. sakus.. sa.. mh..” continuously getting cut off with his cute pecks on your lips. you decided to let go of the whole manager situation, and let yourself to just be happy. you wrapped your arms around his neck and put him even closer to you. he then pulled away and you dramatically groaned.

putting his face close to yours, “i love you y/n l/n.” before continuing.

a/n: if you like this series please request some characters you’d like to see!

[intuitive-wanderess]

Everything is a Projection

Everything/everyone is a projection of who you are. The reality you perceive is just a reflection of your inner world.

Lately this idea that everything/everyone is a projection has been troubling, as it's caused me to blame myself and almost put myself in a state of feeling powerless, unable to create the experience I desire with others, or so that's what I thought. I've had to step back and look at it from another angle.

While taking responsibility is important and can feel empowering, I also feel the need to caution this mindset especially when I’ve been known to unconsciously think, move and act primarily in the favor of others (codependency/people pleasing/overly independent/good girl/fear of being vulnerable).

So let's tweak this a bit...

Everything/everyone is a projection of who you are. Who you are being is the subconscious program running within you. The reality you perceive is just a reflection of your subconscious mind.

I have this subconscious programming that is being projected out and it says, Asha you're being too much, too needy, too demanding, too audacious, too complicated, people will not understand you and abandon you/reject you for this...

...so don't ask for much, solely meet your own needs, don’t ask for what you want, be less demanding/assertive, be overly humble, simplify your ways, and be sure to over explain yourself in order to keep people around (validation).

The subconscious mind runs your habits, behaviors, feelings and it's logic says, abandon yourself so that you are not abandoned by others.

Consciously, I know that's a limiting belief, so when opportunities show up for me to reject this programming and shift into a more empowering, conscious mindset, I notice myself experiencing tension and resistance.

I stand up for myself more than ever before. I set my boundaries. I take up space. I ask for what I want. I assume people will understand me and most of the time it's reflected positively in my reality.

….but then that subconscious programming creeps up and I find myself fixated on the few people and circumstances where I feel invalidated. It feels safer to crawl back into the known, back to my familiar ways.

What's familiar is not always good for you... It’s more familiar for me to blame myself, hold back from my true expressions, be less vulnerable and play it safe/small for the sake of others.

Even when people have hurt me and blatantly disrespected me, I'd be quick to overlook it and find meaning in it. Before even acknowledging myself and what had happened to me, I'd try to justify the disrespect and gross behavior I received. I'd question myself and over analyze what I could have done to attract this experience.

I abandoned myself so that I would not be abandoned by them. 

By them I just don't mean the people and circumstances in my life, but also my old subconscious programming.

Stop abandoning yourself, your new self-concept for the sake of keeping your old self-concept/subconscious program alive. You've made a conscious decision to create a life you love, so stay the course and persist. It's getting easier and easier.

Affirmation: My current reality is a reflection of who I choose to be and not of who I used to be.