#can you tell im hungry rn LOL

[superfluouskeys]

About the invitation: there are only a handful of scenes in that movie like this but they have made me SO unwell ghjdsgjhds it's mostly some gross rich dude being manipulative and main character being like hehe -twirls hair- but the other two female leads are like.. flirting so much with her it's insane I am wondering if it was intentional or if I just have the goggles on you know?

LOLLLLLLLLL classic! but tbh i've been in a movie-watchin mood lately which almost never happens + the aesthetic and vibes look kinda worth!

[fruitydiaz]

if i had come out to my best friend eddie diaz and he looked me in the eye and said with full sincerity “this doesn’t change a thing between us, okay?” in a way that very clearly communicated “i love you, i always have, i always will, nothing could ever change that, least of all this” i would’ve. fucking. broken down crying.

[izzy-b-hands]

salad prep done

dishes washed

and i have a bit of time leftover to scroll on here and just. not think abt anything until I have to figure what I'm forcing myself to eat for dinner lmao

[mainfaggot]

in conclusion, I have no choice but to try to recover again. or else another two years will pass me by and I'll be so fucking tired

[fortunatefool]

Not to date myself but sometimes in the middle of a crisis u get to hear Pursuit of Happiness (Nightmare) by Kid Cudi featuring MGMT and Ratatat, Steve Aoki Remix and feel joy for the first time in a week and a half

[hwaslayer]

favorite things | pmylm drabble (jyh)

⇢ favorite things - drabble one // ft. the pmylm couple

summary: yunho's been having a rough time adjusting to the 'real world' and gets upset when he can't have the person he needs the most right away.

words: 2.8k

warnings: cussing/mature language, jealousy/insecurities, yuyu is upset and doesn't really know how to control his feelings rn cause he is just a tired boy 😭, a small lil fight, the awkward silent treatment, yuyu and yeo talk thru his feelings for a bit, kissing/making out, sorry if i missed anything i quickly whipped the rest of this in bed lol

a/n: whipped this baby up because i just felt the need to and i missed my babies!! (+ this lil IG inspo hehe) more drabbles to come 🫶🏼 love you in slow motion update this weekend annnnd i’m gonna have to push back the fallen angel hwa fic cause im all over the place 🥹 but we’ll do better!! lol stay tuned!!

Yunho has entered the real world and he is exhausted. When his mom used to joke about living and working in this so-called real world, he used to think it was just a thing to keep him on his toes, shake him up a little bit.

Nope, that shit was all real.

And he hates it.

He hates it because it's the one thing that brings another fight to the table for your relationship. Ultimately, Yunho knows all he has to do is adjust and he'll be fine in the long run. Both of you will be fine in the long run.

But today, that feels like a stretch and he is short of patience. Unusually short of patience than usual. He knows you don't mean any harm but for some odd reason, today he feels like the world is going to swallow him alive and everything is triggering.

The first thing is the fact that he has to stay a bit later than usual to finish up a project he had been working on. He was hoping to rush home and spend some time with you before you were off to practice for the evening, spending 2-3 hours with your friends and the group.

That didn't happen.

So, when he gets home and you've already texted him saying you've left with a sad, crying face, he's bummed. He gets himself comfortable anyway, heating up a cup of ramen since he's not too hungry. Maybe he'll get some food with you when you're out— it's one of his favorite things to do.

Now, the second thing that makes him a little more irked is the fact that 2-3 hours go by and you haven't texted. He knows practice can run long, but it's also a little unusual for you to not keep him updated. You finally do a bit past 8pm with a quick:

you: hi baby, sorry! practice was a bit busy, i was caught up during breaks. i'll be home soon then i'll come over after i shower, okay? wait for me (: we should go on a food run! hehe

yunho: sounds good, love. i'll be here.

It closes to 9pm and Yunho isn't hungry anymore. The cup of ramen will do since there seems to be a dim chance of getting food with you, especially when you tell him you'll be over in a quick second but you’re still nowhere to be found. Yunho charges to the door anyway and is hoping to greet you when he swings the door open. Instead, he's greeted with you laughing and giggling with Hyunjin downstairs in the lot as he hands you a bag of to-go food.

Let's set the record straight— Yunho loves your friends. He knows he can trust them, and he knows they're all genuinely good people. He's always been happy you had a good group of people around you.

It's just today, he really, really missed you. After a long ass day. And he knows you [and Hyunjin] mean no harm in your actions, but he can't help but feel a tad bit insecure [and slightly jealous] that you aren't rushing over to see him after not being with him all day. He knows he can blame this on the fact that he's exhausted and a little short on patience. God knows he really did try to keep it cool and brush it off.

He couldn't help it.

Yunho shuts the door again, leaving it unlocked for whenever you feel ready to come upstairs and hang out with him. He sits on his computer chair, irritated, and throws on a game to distract himself momentarily. Maybe it'll help ease whatever he's feeling,

But, nope.

It doesn't.

Because when you walk in, you're still yelling out to Hyunjin and whoever before you shut the door, place the food on the counter and walk into his room. You throw your arms around him from behind and Yunho lets out a small, audible sigh. That was already alarming enough for you, but you still dip your head to the side and try to grab his attention.

"Hi." You place a quick, chaste quick to his cheek, but Yunho doesn't move.

"Hey."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Is all he says plainly. "I was just waiting for you."

"I know, but Hyunjin stopped by to give us food—"

"I thought we were gonna grab food together?"

"Oh." You frown because it completely slipped your mind, or else, you would've left the food at your own apartment to save it for tomorrow instead. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't think he was gonna swing by with food. We all left each other earlier without any plans of—"

"It's okay." He taps your arms as a signal for you to let go of him. "You should go eat."

"We can share, there's more than enough—"

"All good." It's petty of Yunho, he knows. For him, it's the fact that you told him you wanted to go on a food run after practice. Another small, but meaningful thing you two did often. He doesn't blame Hyunjin for anything at all, no. There was no way of preventing that, and who the fuck was he to make you reject food from a friend?

He just wished he could take you to get food. Watch you order your favorites and do your happy dance in his passenger's seat. It's another one of his favorite things.

"Yunho." You slowly step aside and sit on his bed, your appetite all of a sudden gone from how distant your boyfriend is being. "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset."

"It's fine."

"Is it really? Because something feels off and I wanna know what I did so I can fix it."

"It's nothing, Y/N." You almost flinch at the way he calls you your name instead of his cute endearing nicknames. It throws you off guard so much that you resort to a flimsy, broken:

"Okay." It's barely above a whisper. You stand to head back out to the kitchen, quietly eating a bit of Hyunjin's extra to-go thai food before setting some aside in a tupperware for Yunho and placing it in the fridge. The rest of the night goes.. like that.

In silence. With weird tension.

You hate it.

You wish you could just fix whatever you did wrong, or that Yunho would tell you no matter how 'silly' it may sound. He's always been so good with communicating, even during small disagreements, you weren't sure why he was avoiding it this time around.

You quietly get ready for bed, brushing your teeth and flossing before changing out of your sweats and hoodie to Yunho's shirt. You pad into the room, slipping yourself deep under the sheets and pull up some vlogs on Youtube that you need to catch up on.

"Tired?" Yunho asks from his computer chair, still playing his game.

"Mhm." You look at him, hoping he'd come over to kiss you, cuddle you. Shut off the computer and lay next to you, show you any kind of affection. He doesn't budge, though. You feel your bottom lip trembling, your heart slowly cracking in various places. You have to take a breath to prevent yourself from crying, and Yunho can feel it. He can feel your gaze on him, he can tell you're seconds away from crying. So, Yunho stands and shuts off his computer. But, he starts to head out to the living room and you're on the verge of breaking down. His way of avoiding the issue and getting more upset was to shut down. Deflect.

This wasn't like Yunho at all so you knew something was wrong; something was that bothersome to him.

"Baby." You call for him softly, and he just looks at you. You can tell he's conflicted between keeping this up and dropping it entirely, but it doesn't seem to be enough. It's not enough for him to drop it because his expression doesn't change. He still seems cold, distant. Tired. Unlike the Yunho you're so, so used to seeing and having.

"I'm just tired. Go to sleep."

"Where are you going?"

"The living room."

"Let me come with you."

"Y/N. Please go to sleep. I told you nothing was wrong." You watch the way his jaw slightly ticks before brushing you off completely and leaving the room, shutting the door behind him. A loud sigh escapes his lips as he treads to the couch and plops onto it, leaning his head back onto the edge. He shuts his eyes, giving himself some time to sort through his feelings because what the fuck, Jeong Yunho?

He knows this is much needed, though. He needed to step away for a second to regroup. He doesn't want to unintentionally hurt you by saying or doing things that he doesn't mean. He's tired, and he's acting like a fucking baby because he just wanted you at so many points today— yet, the universe just didn't let him have you. That wasn't your fault.

None of this was your fault.

He needed to do better. Just because he was exhausted, didn't mean he had to act this way towards you.

"Yo." Yeosang walks through the door, dropping his duffle bag to the floor as he steps out of his shoes. "You good?" He furrows his brows at the sight of Yunho just resting his head back with his eyes shut close.

"Mhm."

"Where's Y/N?"

"In the room." Odd, Yeosang thinks. It's not like you two to be separated like this. It's pretty obvious Yunho is bothered by something and that you've probably gotten into a small fight over it. Yeosang isn't one to meddle much, especially when it's not his business to. But, he is concerned seeing his roommate like this. It's probably one of the rare times he ever sees Yunho upset.

"You sure everything's okay? I'm not really used to seeing you sitting out in the living room in silence like this." Yunho lets out a tiny chuckle that's barely audible, but he finally turns to Yeosang and purses his lips.

"I guess. Just exhausted lately."

"I bet. You've been working your ass off." Yeosang looks into the fridge before stepping away with a cold water bottle and heading towards Yunho. "Y/N put some food in there for you, by the way."

"Did she?"

"Yeah. It has a little sticky note on top." Of course you did, why wouldn’t you? You always thought about Yunho no matter what.

"Fuck."

"What?"'

"I've been such a dick to her tonight."

"What'd you do?"

"It's so stupid." Yunho begins to explain how his day has just been all over the place— from work, to staying late and not being able to see you before practice, no updates until 3+ hours after practice, looking forward to a food run that didn't end up happening because of Hyunjin. All Yeosang can do is laugh a bit and shake his head.

"Dude, we all have bad days. It's inevitable. You're still adjusting so don't be so hard on yourself. It's hard going from a routine you were so used to, especially with Y/N. Then, having to switch it up and play tetris with your time. It's not easy. But also, I'm sure Y/N has been feeling the same way. She's just doing what she can to support you first and foremost. She'd never hurt you intentionally, and I know she'd always choose you in the end." Yunho's head drops as he leans onto his knees and sighs again.

"Fuck, you're right. I don't know why today was so difficult. I guess it all piled on for me and I didn't know how to sort through it."

"All good. Shit happens." Yeosang shrugs. "Anyway. I'm gonna head to bed. You should probably do the same. I know she's probably waiting for you."

"Thanks." Yeo gives him a little dap before he's off to get comfy and end his day. Yunho stays on the couch for a few more minutes before he brushes his teeth and washes up for bed. He stands in the bathroom for a few more seconds before gaining the courage to finally talk to you about everything that's been going on today. When he walks in, you're still bundled under the sheets, but your phone is against the wall and a video is playing. He can hear you sniffling through the video though, and he knows you've been crying.

God dammit, Yunho.

"Baby?" You hear Yunho softly call your name as he slips into bed and wraps his arms around you.

"Mhm?" You respond, still facing away from him.

"Can we talk?" You sigh and exit the video, locking your phone before turning towards Yunho and setting your phone onto the table.

"Don't force yourself if you aren't ready to."

"I am, and I'm sorry." He looks at you with those puppy dog eyes and it instantly feels like you have your loving, incredibly sweet and attentive boyfriend back.

"What happened?"

"I don't really know. To be honest, I don't have that great of an explanation. I was just tired and I was really looking forward to seeing you before practice. I couldn't see you then because of work, so I was even more excited to see you after practice and to go on our run together. But, you came later and the whole thing with Hyunjin—" He pauses and shakes his head. "It was so stupid and childish of me. I didn't need to act that way, and I'm so sorry I was such a dick to you over that." You cup his cheek and caress the surface with your thumb.

"You should've just told me, babe."

"It's so dumb, though?" He furrows his brows, mainly at himself.

"Nothing is dumb. Whatever hurts you, hurts me. We're in this together, remember? We're on the same team. I just need you to communicate and be honest, like you always tell me. Okay? I'll do anything to fix it and make it better. I'm your safe space like you are mine."

"I know." He leans into your touch before placing a soft kiss to your palm. "I'll do better."

"We have our bad days and that's okay. It won't make me love you any less. Tell me if you need space or if you need anything from me. I want you to be happy and comfortable."

"I know."

"Okay. And I'm sorry about the food run. I promise I'll keep my end of it next time."

"Wasn't your fault, baby. Nothing could have prevented that." You give him a tiny, toothless smile before kissing the tip of his nose.

"Are we okay?" He nods.

"I'm so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.” He repeats before leaning in to peck you on the lips. He holds the kiss before parting and looking you in the eye, brushing the hair away from your face. He dips in for another kiss— this time, it's deeper. More passionate. His hand comes down to the small of your back as he presses against you, slipping his tongue in to fight for dominance against yours. The kiss is so full of love and neediness, but there's no push or pressure to make anything out of it.

So, Yunho continues to kiss you. Pushing up against you ever so slightly while parting from your lips to leave a trail across your jaw.

Your chin.

Your neck.

Back up to your lips.

He loves the way you softly sigh in content, listening to him repeatedly whisper 'I love you' against your lips. Into your neck. Across your jaw. He loves the way you gently bite onto his bottom lip as a way of asking for more. He loves the way your fingers tug on the ends of his hair, the way you press your lips against his cheek, forehead, nose. The way you caress his cheeks and never let him go.

It's amongst the many on his list of favorite things.

He continues to coo you and praise you in between kisses throughout the night, smiling while hearing your giggles and smothering you with more kisses until you find yourself getting sleepy. He holds you close and sings a soft lullaby, playing with your hair as you drift off to sleep with the cutest smile on your face. He can’t help but admire you, fighting the exhaustion that’s been hitting him all week for a little longer. He fights it until he can’t anymore but fuck it, it’s all worth it.

Because sitting at the very top of his favorites list is you.

⇢ permanent taglist: @asjkdk @bintificreads @interweab @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs

[daenysx]

hiii it's the crying anon !!! (lol) ibe been so sad today bc i literally failed my ap exam like i did terrible and i e just been so sad and in my head all day :/// i literally just need a hug like im so sad and i need a james potter rn :( would you kind writing something for this ??? if not, it's totally okay my lovely , have a great day !!!

i'm so sorry, baby, i hope this helps making you feel better a bit!! you can always reach out when you're sad (if you wanna talk to someone!!) i'll be here. love u <33333

james potter x fem!reader

you try to stay calm as you knock on james's door.

he shares the apartment with sirius and remus but you know they are not here right now. it's a relief, no matter how close friends you are with them, you wouldn't want them to see you cry.

when james opens the door, you first spot his glasses. his hair looks messy, wild waves finding their own shape on his head, his skin warm. he looks like he's just woken up, you feel sorry for interrupting his sleep.

"i'm sorry, jamie." you begin saying. "were you sleeping?"

james quickly holds your hand to welcome you inside. "just fell asleep on the couch, angel. i'm glad you wake me, it always messes with my night sleep."

you give him a broken smile. james closes the door, he helps you take off your jacket. you put your bag on the floor, slipping out of your shoes, never looking at james's direction as you make your way to his bedroom. he follows you.

the room smells like him everywhere, and the safety you feel around james overwhelms you so hard, it hits you. you start crying without any control, without trying to stop yourself. james looks surprised but he reacts quickly as always, he holds your arms gently, then his kind fingers are on your chin to see your face.

"sweetheart." he says. "what's- what's wrong?"

"my exam." you manage to say and he understands. james doesn't like asking unnecessary questions about a situation when you cry your eyes out, especially. you can tell everything later, when you calm down. he knows the exam is important, he knows how much you studied, and how stressed you were days before.

"i'm sorry." he says, reaching for you. "oh, my baby." he coos, you feel so vulnerable in his arms as he holds you, your face tucked in his neck with his hands rubbing on the tense muscles of your back. you cry against him, but james is strong. he'll hold you as long as you need him.

he strokes your hair, drying up your fresh tears as much as he can. you lean on him, your legs feel numb, and your head hurts. you tried to stay strong all day long, keeping a neutral face even though you were disappointed, but now that it's safe, you let out every emotion that begs to be free.

james whispers gentle words against your ear. he doesn't know if they help but he never liked silence. you lift your head to see him, your wet cheeks and wobbly lip crash his heart. you never deserve to cry. he rubs two desperate thumbs on your cheeks to get your pretty face back from tears.

"my head hurts, jamie." you say. "can i have some water?"

"of course." james says. "sit on the bed, angel, i'll be right back."

he takes a bottle of cold water from the fridge. you don't like eating when you're upset, james knows this, so he won't ask if you're hungry. he returns to his room, gets on his knees to reach your spot on bed.

you take a few sips from the bottle. it helps cooling down your throat. you look at james's worried face. he tries to hide it but his forehead has wrinkles, they always appear when he gets nervous.

"i'm okay." you say. "i'm sorry, that was- a lot. i did really bad, i just-"

"baby." he hushes you with a kiss on your hand. you look like you're explaining for his sake and not because you want to speak. "you have nothing to be sorry for. let's talk about this later, okay? you need to get some sleep."

you nod gratefully. james gives you one of his rugby team t-shirts. you change into it quickly, your legs stay bare. he helps you get under the covers, joins you exactly two minutes later after taking off his clothes and texting remus to let him know you'll be sleeping in his room.

he is so warm, you wrap your legs around his immediately. your head stays on his chest as he holds your waist and plays with your fingers with his other hand. you take quiet breaths to relax, your eyes hurt from all those crying.

"it's all gonna be okay." he silently promises. "can you try not to think of it for a few hours, lovely girl? i know it's hard but- you need to sleep on it. you need to get some rest."

"okay." you say. you have no energy left. james turns to his side to press you better against him. you think you'll be better once your breathing turns normal. he strokes your hair gently and squeezes your body just the way you like. you wrap a tired arm around his waist. closing your eyes, you try to forget about everything.

james kisses your forehead. he thinks a good cup of coffee and your favorite breakfast can make the morning a bit better for you. he'll listen if you wanna talk, answer your questions if you have any. he thinks about how upset you've been all day long and a protective wave washes over him again. his arms around you has never been this tight.

[whyse7vn]

FLOW -

[ kim taehyung x reader ]

TAE ( ´(ｴ)ˋ )

taehyung: baby was just in the store

and the worker lady came and asked me what the flow was like

at first i was like

???

but then it clicked

so then i dropped the hardest freestyle known to man

like no joke was wayyy better than anything yoongi joon or hobi would spit

and i KNOW she was fucking with it cuz she was like

“heavy?”

LIKE YES MY FLOW HEAVY AS HELLL

y/n: are you actually brain dead be honest

taehyung: don’t be mad cuz you don’t flow like me

y/n: i do flow

taehyung: NO WAY?????

didn’t know u got down like that pretty

should we battle or something

let’s get the worker lady to judge it

y/n: did you get the fucking pads or not?

taehyung: what

y/n: taehyung

taehyung: taehyung

y/n: yes or no

taehyung: oh

y/n: don’t oh me

taehyung: um

y/n: taehyung

taehyung: ok i see where i went wrong lolz

i was standing in front of the little period isle when she asked about flow

in my defence she should of been more specific

like i’m kim taehyung

ofc i’m gonna be thinking about music

like that’s my whole life

y/n: you had a mask on no?

taehyung: yeah

but i have real recognisable eyes she should of known

y/n: or maybe you should of had some fucking common sense?????

taehyung: i did

it’s very common to confuse flows

y/n: you were standing in the pad isle and chose to freestyle

taehyung: did do that

y/n: you amaze me

taehyung: thank u ❤️

y/n: that was not a compliment

taehyung: i’m pretty sure it was

y/n: i’m telling you it’s not

taehyung: someone’s on her period 😭

y/n: I AM

i’m actually going to strangle you

wow

taehyung: almost home

y/n: do not come back

taehyung: let’s get the pads together

and like idk what size pussy you wear so like you can help

y/n: stop talking to me

oh my god

i hate you

i actually hate you

taehyung: is ur pussy big???

be honest

y/n: STOP TALKING

IM BEGGING YOU

taehyung: small medium or large

just like a coke from mcdonalds

tell me babe

y/n: you did not just compare my pussy to a fucking mcdonalds coke

taehyung: would you of preferred i said sprite??

y/n: go

away

taehyung: meow

are you mad at me????

what did i do

baby :(((((((((((

y/n: if you do not come home with my fucking pads and flowers i’m not letting u in

taehyung: what about mcdonalds???

y/n: fuck off

taehyung: ur telling me ur not hungry rn…

y/n: are you trying to call me big??

taehyung: the biggest!!!

y/n: blocked.

taehyung: HEART

THE BIGGEST HEART OH MY GOD BABE I SWEAR

OH MY GODDD I SWEAR THE BIGGEST HEART U HAVE IT I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT

ITS HARD TO TYPE AND WALK I SWEAR OH MY GOD

y/n: don’t care kys

taehyung:

y/n: what the actual fuck is wrong with you

taehyung: wrong photo

there you go

🫰🏻🫰🏻🫰🏻

why they kinda look like us waitttt

y/n: that is a white man and woman

taehyung: us in an alternate universe

y/n: bye

taehyung: baby talk to me pls

come back

let’s love

not fight

#lovewins

not hate

let’s hold hands

skip in some fields

let’s paint

omg paint me like one of ur french girls

didn’t that girl that like almost drown say that

lol

flipping loser

i could never drown

put me in the middle of the ocean and i wouldn’t drown i’m telling you

i’m a swimmer

not a drowner

put me in a hurricane bro

y/n: hurricane??

taehyung: the big wave of water thing

y/n: a tsunami????

taehyung: is that not a dessert…

y/n: what

taehyung: tsunami

y/n: no

taehyung: babe…

y/n: just piss off actually

taehyung: i told you

y/n: that literally says tiramisu

taehyung: exactly

y/n: last words

taehyung: chicken nuggets?

you can no longer send messages to this contact!

taehyung:

aw wait wtf :/

—

silly little silly post

don’t hold me to this btw these are just quick silly little sillies you get me??? probably not but it’s ok cuz i get it and that’s all that matters in life sighs

i could be a poet guys i’m telling you

tags: @piw6n @jvmisvu @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @indigobsessed @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @seokmyballs @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @yojaschill @k4ngelz @junghoseokshusband

[turrondeluxe]

How long do you think mikey stayed in dimension X?

(Personality, I think like a week/weeks, cuz no way it was just a few hours and he already knows so much about the demention)

(And, how does he get months and hours confused?)

(I don't personally think he's been there long as 2 years because that would really mess up a person)

(But if I see an angsty fanfic 🤨(suddenly I ignore everything I said, like 'yea he's been there for 73736383years now' ))

OH I LIKE THIS ASK

im with you on that one actually! i also think he just stayed there for a few weeks. def less than a month. because for someone like mikey, being by his own in an unknown place no matter if he was doing alright, it would still have messed him up of it got too long. he NEEDS interactions with sentient beings that would keep him company and engage with him (looks at mutagen bomb mad max apocalypse mikey). Tho! he would have understood how a lot of things worked around in that dimension just for being there a few hours tbh, taking into consideration that it's a hostile environment for literally anyone who's an outsider. With this i mean, mikey def was forced to be a quick leaner since the first second after stepping trough the portal. ( tho rn im not taking into account mikey being good with kraang tech in general because he just was good with it since the start of the show tbh. i think it has something to do with the brothers actually being related to the kraang because of the milking worm from where the mutagen came from and all but. thats a whole other can of worms to be opened lol)

Plus! the kraang base was not difficult to find at all so mikey probably spend most of his time just checking out the perimeter and a way to get in (this is from where he could have triggered some security stuff and got to fight the kraang that ended up as his skull helmet and limb accessories lmao). It actually even appears as if that's mikey first attempt at getting in to rescue leatherhead.

Also! when they got back for a bit, mikey was actually happy and excited to be back in dimension x! Meaning that he doesn't truly see that place in a bad light MEANING that he doesn't really hold a bad memory of it. MEANING that he didn't stay there by himself long enough for living more traumas in there lmao

About his time confusion, i actually tie that to his adhd because of my own experience with having adhd. The passing of time for me is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO KEEP A GRASP ON. By this i mean that it's really hard to tell hours/minutes have passed even when not hyperfixing on an activity, this also adds to mixing up days and weeks together. its hard man. ADDED TO ALL THIS, the fact that the dimension doesn't have an obvious sign of time passing (like day and night) would make mikey keeping up with it, while also just surviving, something of a nearly impossible task.

in conclusion

i still love when people headcanon mikey as staying there for literal years. i live for that angst. him eating kraang because of how hungry he got??? him getting captured by the kraang and getting tortured for months??? him getting to hate the pink color??? good stuff

[faemytho]

I saw that your requests were open and saw the prompts and now I can't restrain myself

May I request Misc#6 "Is it so wrong if I still like you?" OR "I just can't believe you would still want to be around me after everything I did!" With AbyssEel?

word count: 1,559

im absolutely INSANE about these two rn, writing chiaroscuro only does so much to eat the brainrot LOL.

eel uses he/they, abyss monarch uses they/them, and anglerfish uses they/them! there's no gender in the deep sea lmao. this can be read as romantic, queerplatonic, platonic, whatever.

(>AO3<) | (>SqWA<)

-

Before Ink Cloak had come to Wandercrab, the denizens of the deep knew of Abyss Monarch. The one who had conquered the Squid Ink monster without breaking a sweat, they were the most powerful of the deep-sea monsters and thus, their ruler. They had not spoken once to anyone. Rarely ever did one encounter them and live to tell the tale, but those who did spoke of all-encompassing darkness, the gaze of several darkened eyes, of an uncontrollably wild, yawning, hungry chasm.

The title of Abyss Monarch, the ruler of the deep, was bestowed upon them in hushed whispers. It was in the suddenly lowered murmurs of those who were afraid the monster of the deep would hear and come to strike them down, tale after tale passed around from ear to ear.

Electric Eel knew of the Abyss Monarch. He'd never expected to actually meet them. Not if he could help it.

"So, should I call you Abyss Monarch now," he said over a glass of juice, sitting at the dim and damaged remnants of Choco Flounder's bar, "or is Ink Cloak your real name?"

Ink Cloak, the Abyss Monarch, gave him a flat look. They were also seated at the bar, a chipped cup of juice cradled in both their hands. Their spiked tentacles, colored with ethereal green and darkness, writhed slowly around the legs of the stool they sat in.

"I don't care," Ink Cloak said. The spines that flared out from their neck twitched, a rippling movement of skin and fins. They lifted the chipped cup to their mouth, and spoke into it. "Call me what you like."

"Okay," Eel said, feeling as though that wasn't really an answer to the question they'd asked. "I think... I might just call you Ink Cloak, then."

The Abyss Monarch gave a noncommittal hum into their juice. Through the crumbled wall of Choco Flounder's bar, Anglerfish was directing a few of Wandercrab's residents to clear out the trash in the streets. Most of it was crumbled and broken debris from Wandercrab itself, after it had faced the disastrous eruption that the Abyss Monarch had stopped.

"Why did you really ask me to stay?" Ink Cloak said, and Eel looked back at them. Their fingers were tight around the cup they held. They were looking straight down into their juice, as though it might tell them all the answers to all the questions they asked. "Wandercrab is in ruin because of me."

"And?"

Ink Cloak's gaze snapped up, and Eel understood in an instant what the stories meant about the dark, hungry chasm in the Abyss Monarch's gaze. It crawled over his dough, and he shoved down a shiver.

"You saved Wandercrab from being destroyed completely," Eel said, setting their glass of juice down on the bar with a carefree laugh. "And everyone's safe! I'll take a little bit of ruin over complete destruction."

Ink Cloak blinked, and the gaze of the Abyss Monarch was gone. They turned their face down towards the bar again. "A 'little bit'," they murmured, huffing out a dry laugh. "The fact still remains. As does my question. Why did you really ask me to stay?"

Electric Eel stayed silent for a long moment, tail twitching slowly behind him. He knew why he'd asked them to stay, but it was hard to find the words to explain.

"Because," he said after a moment, slow and careful, "I care about you. And I didn't want you to be alone."

Ink Cloak let out a tired, raspy sigh, lifting a hand to pinch their brow. "Anglerfish is right," they muttered after a moment, not looking at Eel as they lifted their cup of juice to their lips once more. "You're going to get yourself killed if you go around acting like that."

"Acting like what?" Eel narrowed their gaze, electricity crackling softly over their knuckles. The dim light bulb in the destroyed bar flared a little brighter. "Like I care about you? Because I do."

The Abyss Monarch growled, and a crack appeared in the chipped cup. Juice trickled down from it, droplet by droplet, and they lowered it to the bar. "I just don't understand why in the Sea you would want to be around me," they hissed, staring down at the bar as if that could crack it as easily as they had the cup, "after everything I've done. Everything I am. I'm a monster, Electric Eel."

"And even knowing all that," Eel argued, "is it really so wrong if I still like you? If I still want to be around you?"

"YES."

The chipped cup shattered, and the Abyss Monarch slammed their hands on the bar as they stood, their stool clattering and falling backwards onto the floor. The light bulb winked out, and a ripple of darkness emanated throughout the bar.

Eel had flinched back, not out of fear, but of surprise. It didn't seem to matter much to the Abyss Monarch, who recoiled into themself at seeing Eel's reaction.

"... Yes," the Abyss Monarch said softly, tentacles curling around their feet, hugging their arms to themself, "it is so wrong. I could hurt you. I could kill you, and I don't understand why that does not bother you."

Electric Eel said nothing for a moment, relaxing back into their seat. He looked up at the light bulb, tapping his fingers against the bar, electricity crackling over his hand. It flickered, and then glowed back to life.

"Do you want to?" he asked, looking at them. The light bulb flickered overhead, but Eel didn't look away.

"What-?" Ink Cloak stammered, distraught and lost for words. "Why would-? No, of course not."

"Then you won't," Eel said simply. He shrugged, grabbing his glass of juice with a smile. "I trust you. So what if you're the Abyss Monarch? You saved my life once. You saved Wandercrab from being completely destroyed. You saved everybody here."

Eel turned halfway in their stool, leaning back against the bar and glancing out at the people of Wandercrab. They worked to clear the trash from the streets, Anglerfish's rough directions and raspy laughter met with shouts and laughter of their own.

"You can be bad," Eel said, looking down at their glass and swirling the juice inside, "or you can be good. You keep insisting that you're bad, but from everything I've seen you do, you've always chosen to be good."

"You don't know everything I've done," the Abyss Monarch said, and their voice cracked, wavering. "You don't know-"

"I don't need to know." Eel looked back at them, eyes flashing, electricity crackling down his arms. He smiled, sharp and easy. "Your past doesn't matter in Wandercrab. The only thing that matters is who you choose to be right now. And you, Ink Cloak, are one of the kindest beings I've ever met. Why do you think Anglerfish turned around about the Abyss Monarch so easily?"

"Fuck if I know," Ink Cloak muttered, but they had relaxed, tension bleeding out of them. "That grumpy old cookie is an enigma to me."

Electric Eel laughed, bright and happy, lifting his glass in a motion like a cheer. "As grumpy as they are," Eel agreed, taking a sip of their juice, "they still know a good cookie from a bad one. Because for every bad thing we all ever heard about the Abyss Monarch, there was something good Ink Cloak had done for us. And that matters more to us than rumors and reputation."

There was silence in the bar for a moment, as Eel looked out at the people of Wandercrab and away from Ink Cloak. Even in the destruction, they still smiled and laughed and joked around with each other. Even in this destruction, Choco Flounder was still willing to set up glasses of juice for anyone who wanted one. Even in all this, Eel could find a reason to smile, and the oppressing presence of darkness slowly disappeared behind him.

"Octopus," Ink Cloak muttered after a long moment, stooping down to grab the stool they'd knocked over and setting it upright. Eel turned to look at them, ear fins flicking, tail twitching. They sat down at the bar again, closer to him, but not looking at him. "That was my name. Octopus Cookie."

"Is it your name now?" Eel asked, turning his gaze on the other cookie, still lounging back in his stool against the bar.

Ink Cloak thought about that for a moment.

"No," they said, before meeting Eel's gaze. "I suppose not."

"Then, if it's okay," Electric Eel said, tail curling and fins twitching, "I think I'd rather call you by the name you chose for yourself."

Ink Cloak gave a small noise that might have been a huff of laughter. "You're too kind for your own good," they muttered, and Eel shrugged, smiling.

"No such thing. And I'll continue to be kind," he said with a happy laugh. "Because I'd rather be kind than be cruel."

The light bulb overhead flickered, but it didn't go out. "... I hope Choco Flounder isn't too upset with me for breaking that cup," Ink Cloak muttered, and Eel burst out laughing.

"You know what?" Electric Eel said, setting his glass of juice down and giving a bright, happy grin. The light bulb flared brighter. "I think we'll be alright."

[cannibalslut]

Cannibalism and Kabru? Interesting. I wonder how he would do with such thing, considering that he’s most likely traumatized by seeing people from his home village being devoured by monsters…

Anyways, I wanted to ask this for a while now:

So, what are your ideas for this ship? What is your s/i like? How did she and Kabru meet? What is the dynamic? What role does cannibalism plays? Just, I’m dying to know what is going on.

Fun fact: I myself have been eyeing Kabru before properly watching Dungeon Meshi, suspecting that I might get a crush on him. But then shit happened, and here I am, obsessing over Thistle instead... Kabru is still cool, though. I especially love how the manga shows that him lying to manipulate people has consequences, so now he has to supress his honest emotions and do things he doesn’t want to do. It’s hilarious, I have never seen it done anywhere before.

(By the way, I’ve seen many people joke about being disappointed by Kabru being a man because they though he was a beautiful butch woman. Thoughts on that?)

– villain-in-love

so sorry to say… the cannibalism is mostly symbolic…. 😔 it’s like sentiments of “i want to eat you” and sexual biting and like. heavy cannibalism allusion used in smut. that kind of thing. kabru i think wouldnt be able to stomach survival cannibalism much less pleasure cannibalism like hes not that kind of guy. cath is a different story.

speaking of cath shes my s/i. her name is Catherine Entrailé she’s fantasy french (unfortunately, that was just too good a name…) and she’s a vulture beastman (were-vulture?). she can shift between human and vulture forms and was cursed to be this way (like izutsumi). she needs to turn fully into a vulture every so often or suffers consequences, she disappears from the party for a few days at a time and they notice a vulture following them, etc etc…

i havent decided who cursed her shes still a fledgling character. likewise i dont know how cath and kabru met (shes in his party) and suggestions would be appreciated lol. i am thinking of giving her a dead sister or something as backstory.

also, as backstory, she has past trauma from being poisoned, so she has to know EXACTLY whats in her food at all times. she eats carrion because its one flesh with no extra ingredients. this sets up conflict with senshi bc nooo why are you putting extra things in my food are you going to poison me!! so she’s like izutsumi bc they’re both picky eaters. she and izutsumi would either get along like a house on fire Or become lifelong mortal enemies. also there might be an arc there about growing past it because shes a vulture now and can digest many toxins without being harmed.

i think thats probably all i have for her for right now, hopefully i can come up with more stuff soon~ i know her dynamic with kabru, though. the reason why she’s in the dungeon is because she’s a murderhobo actually. she’s like kabru in that she hates monsters, but she hates Literally Everything Else too and thinks all humans should die. if she doesnt kill things in the dungeon she will start doing it on the surface. kabru is worried by and captivated by her weird psychology. they also hook up before he realizes she’s a beastman bc she keeps it well hidden. after he realizes he fucked a girl thats part monster he gets so upset it gives him cramps. i still dont know how to get over this obstacle lol i do not think kabru wants to be shipped with a demihuman. sucks for him bc im doing it anyway hes my little toy 🤍

other assorted thoughts: cath heavily enables kabru’s desires and they have like hungry hands-everywhere can’t-get-enough-of-your-body-sex, laios is the reason why cath became more comfortable telling people she’s a beastman and existing in an state between human and vulture (kabru wants to kill himself so bad rn), tension between rin and kabru and cath happens where rin absolutely despises cath bc kabru wont give her attention but will give cath attention. cath kind of doesnt care about rin too much bc shes aro/polyam like me. if they one sided hatefuck it will go nuclear and tear the party apart.

anyways to the rest of your ask! yes kabru is such an interesting and unique character! i like how hes shown as sympathetic and with good intentions but has some very worrying traits like what is up with his freaky stare when he straight up executes those guys? and when he attacks falin? and also the way his trauma affects him is pretty well done. sometimes he reminds me of light yagami but better lol. he also does take it upon himself who gets to live and die based on a moral framework of “some humans are irredeemable vermin that must be removed” but he’s actually a likeable character and DOES NOT have a god complex. my poor little fucked up guy im gonna use him

i never thought kabru was a butch woman but sometimes i wish he was 😔 though i’ve been doing surprisingly well with the idea of him as a cis man. it pisses me off a little bit that he and cath are m/f and both cis. at least hes bisexual. usually my s/is are lesbian but i cant do that here lol. ALTHOUGH i was thinking genderfluid or crossdresser kabru maybe inspired by ryuko kui’s r63 art (Manipulative Girlfriend kabru you will always be famous) plus this tweet: https://x.com/bedtimecreature/status/1768118459693682865?t=2IniV5ZjNZ9m-fdhHU-Vcg&s=19 idk he just looks really good here man i love him. (i dont hc him as transmasc tho)

this is getting long lol so i think ill end it here. hey i got it in earlier than “in the next week”! thanks for reminding me i had to write this haha

[destinyc1020]

For 2024 I have a few wishes for the Jacob Elordi fans:

1. Create your OWN blogs. Yall pop into Austin, Z, and Tom focused blogs, say your insults and leave. If you have your own blog focused on JE you can say whatever (inults and all), quite simple tbh.

2. Im aware Jacob and Olivia have a private relationship but the way almost NONE of his fans mention her name (even casualy) and still focus on his past relationships is wild lol he is with her and him being with a woman with her background is very telling to how he is as well.

3. Z doesnt want Jacob now, I REPEAT Z doesnt want that man lol Jacob doesnt want Z either. If they wanted to be together they couldve lasted or got back together by now but havent. They didnt even last a year lol goes back to point #2 where they dont even mention his current gf bt love to ship him with Z. I guess cuz Joey is officially married they feel lik that shipped has sailed and nobody gave af about him/Kaia, but just cuz Z is THE it girl dont mean she gotta b shipped with him. She has her own mind as does he.

4. People dont care for Jacob becuase of some of his cheating "antics" but more about some of the things he said in interviews-he can come across as pretentious, ungrateful and just arrogant. Im aware he is a multideminsional person, like the rest of us, so that may not be what he is like 24/7. Again goes back to #2 where his fans ignore Olivia or just dont get why hes with her- Jacob is probably ALOT more similar to Olivia than his fans think. People can not care for his personality because a lot of the main headlines where his name is included dont paint him out to b the best, due to his own words.

5. There are enough white men in the industry that can succeed at the same time. Like folks been saying Jacob is a colead, and has seemingly been doing well in those roles tbh. But a lot of the actors his fans are comparing him to- Austin, Timmy or Tom- have done more lead roles. It dont even make sense to compare him to them cuz if they were all nominated for something they would be leads and Jacob would be a supporting. Again, dont even make sense for his fans to pit him against them.

ALL of this... 👏🏾

TOTALLY agree w/Point #1. It's a very easy solution honestly.

Can you repeat Point #3 LOUDER for those in the back?? And ewww...I had no idea some people were still shipping Z with JE. 🤢 Umm....he's 2 gfs removed from Z already soooooo..... Like, let's get real.

The fact that she left him and went BACK to her ex is actually very telling.

TOTALLY agree w/Point #4.

And AMEN to Point #5! 👏🏾 JE stans are punching above their weight class right now, trying to compare JE to other actors who've actually done LEAD roles, and have had good box-office films, or have actually been nominated for prestigious awards. Like, seriously.... Maybe one day you all will be able to fairly compare JE to Tom, Timmy, Austin, Barry, Paul, etc... But as of right now?? Ummm....Yea, NO. You can't even compare JE to Michael B. Jordan, Jeremy Allen White, Daniel Kaluuya, or even John Boyega and Kelvin Harrison Jr.

ALL of those other actors have either:

Done lead roles

Been in a huge blockbuster film (in a lead or co-lead role)

Won or been nominated for serious acting awards

Been a box-office draw (as lead)

Right now, JE has done NEITHER of that. So, until he does at least ONE of those aforementioned things, I can't (with a STRAIGHT face) be comparing him to ANY of the actors above.

I'm sure JE will get there one day (he certainly seems hungry enough for it), but that day is not today. 🤷🏾‍♀️ And until then, his stans need to chill....cuz they're looking a little dumb rn.

[rigil-kentauris]

9 people you’d like to get to know better

tagged by @valerianvault

Three Ships: JUST THREE???

i am ALSO on that ffxiv juice and as yall MAY have guessed from all my aymericposting its wol/aymeric.

id be here all night if i did ffxiv ships so moving on.

hm.

hm.

ffxiv has really taken oven my brain space huh? tbqh the other games im playing rn arent big shipping arenas for me. what do you ship in frostpunk? coal x generator fics i suppose. if youve got time to fuck youve got time to truck in some more steel from the steel pile. extended shifts for everyone.

this is where i would have put my feh ships if feh wasnt dead to me

well i could put bylad/claude three houses here. power couple of the century. going to get an emulator/mod at some point to restore justice in s supports. i havent got anything against bylass ships but usually the way people write her drives me fucking INSANE.

hm what for three. ugh. ugh. ugh i said no more ffxiv. but i would be lying if - and would LOVE to lie about it though - i would be lying if i tried to act like cidnero hasnt consumed at minimum 15% of my waking thoughts in recent months. its like a fucking perplexus sphere. a very Puzzle. like the rct2(?) roller coaster auto complete function. i WILL figure it out. whatever It is. but everytime i solve a piece another puzzle pops up. gonna reduce this fucking fraction youll see. youll all see.

First Ever Ship: lol. so way back when, my sister was trying to tell me her Lame Older Sister about this cool new thing called shipping. which i was NOT getting at all. and she, i would imagine because of the relative mainstream awareness at the time and the largely practical fact that i knew what marvel movies were, decided to offer the example of 'its like What If iron man and captain america were together'

which i thought was patently silly. i dont remember why now. i think my main objection was that it did not happen, and why would people spend so much time thinking about things that did not happen.

well anyway. tale old as time i thought it was very funny to ironically talk about it. and then it was not ironic anymore. so it goes.

Last Song: well according to my phone music app it was of the night by bastille.

Last Movie: hm what WAS the last movie i watched? i havent watched a movie in a minute. well we're going to be rewatching the gran turismo movie probably tonight. i liked it quite a bit in the theater (went to an empty matinée).

Currently Reading: UGH still slogging through Utopia. im at a part where it seems tommy has lost the thread, so, its difficult. and then my friend wrote a book! and im very excited to read the new draft

Currently Watching: SCAVENGERS REIGN!!!! a very beautiful and thought provoking show about a group of people who get stranded on an alien planet and how they interact with that biosphere and themselves. the animation is beautiful and colorful. it is on hbo max or whereever you receive hbo products. the last episodes drop today idk if i can handle it

Currently Consuming: nothing because i just woke up. im going to haul myself out of bed for some frosted shredded miniature wheats soon i hope

Currently Craving: anything but frosted shredded miniature wheats. bacon cheese egg wrap. chocolate chip brioch bun. pasta. hm i might be hungry. lets say Food

Tagging: @czigonas @plaidypus @lieutenantk thanks for joing me on my breadmaking saga yesterday.

[cloudcountry]

Hi!! Just popping in ^^

I know I should be on break but... It's a cheat day because tomorrow's weekend anyways (oh wow, that rhymed lol)

I have so much to tell you:

1. How are you??

2. We finished the Review of Related Literature of our research! 🎉 I'm supposed to do chapter 3 today but our computer is broken so I can't access the word file :'D

3. My soon-to-be ex crush is now an official ex crush! Idk how that happened but it just did. He offered me to buy a snack using his money earlier because I left my wallet in the classroom, but I refused (I feel too awkward when someone who is not my relative tells me that the food I'll buy will be on them)

But now, I sorta regret refusing the offer cause now I'm hungry (I did not buy a snack :'D)

Aight, this is too long now, so I'll bid you good morning and have a good day! ❤️

i'm really good!!!! :D i finished up all my paperwork (I THINK.) and ive been playing stardew valley with my angelfish AND ITS BEEN SO FUN WHAHWAHAWH

OMG THANK GOODNESS IM SO PROUD OF YOU!! THAT SOUNDS SO DIFFICULT YIKES

aaaa yay!!! im glad you got over it!! :D just remember that crushes can end up coming back and that doesnt mean you failed or anything, romantic feelings are just hard to get rid of sometimes ^^" GIVING YOU A SNACK RN I HAVE MUFFINS

good morning and good day to you too cookie!! <3

[jiminsass-istant]

The world we live in rn is absolutely dumpster fire.

You mentioned to work from down to up be it local politics or any boycott movement. It gives sense. If...

If the world would not be in the lovely and tight hug by big corps who decide what they want to shape our world into, i would say it would work, to work locally up to globally. But rn i don't see how we could be stronger as the weakest corp outside of not using their products (if we have such luxury of doing it see gmail, twt etc. And as you mentioned Amazon which is such power hungry and driven entity... Do you know about their tactics lion n gazelle i think it is called... Im scared of them, they will steamroll everyone they want to and do project witch catchy name (they love their projects being named) about it too. Be it competition, union, workers or state legislature)

Ps hugs and kisses to every scrotum braun disliker. Highfive and lets hope for his fafo moment is to come asap. (Before he can do more evil things for example like getting his lil creepy hands on masters of someone. I would love to read anyone takes who is in the industry if it is possible or not. Cuz i cant find anywhere clear answer if they own their masters or hybe does it)

Still boycott anon

Yes to everything you said.

Also, I gotta look up Lion n Gazelle and their evil strategies.

When will we be free of evil corps, anon? Let's shift planets or something. But something tells me that even if we are able to shift planets, they're gonna commercialize that too. We are gonna have to pay taxes to send rich people to planet B lol.

All I can rn is survive, persist, find joy in small things (like jimin's pinky).

[kdipshit]

Addicted ;

Am I addicted to thinking about the things I have on repeat in my head? Like is it an addiction, I guess idk how else to think, or what else to think about, it’s kind of sad. Well in better light, I’ve taken up a shit load of study, im really gonna do this writing thing. I really want to do this writing thing, I read the entire brochure of the academy I want to go to, im so happy to be intrested in something, as tedious as the learning journey can be for me, im learning how I learn the best way I can, the only way I can.

I don’t like therapy because I don’t like being told my ways of dealing with my issues are wrong, or bad, or something like that, even though I know they are, and I would be better off without them, I’m very defensive of my coping mechanisms, I take care of them, because they take care of me… in a way, I see them as taking away my primary feeling at the time, which is usually guilt, anxiety, determent, hurt, things along those lines, even just overwhelmed and feeling 100 feelings at once, my coping mechanisms are pretty good at taking away the mess and helping me to slow down, not feel it or completely ignore it. I don’t even like telling myself that they’re bad. But they are, and its not only slowing me down, but its potentially holding me back… I don’t know where I put weed on that spectrum because I know I abuse it but it helps me so much, I know I need to manage my use, I don’t want to lie. Ill try. I’m continuing to do things I don’t want to do to stay in the moment, and its hard, but I try. For me. My anti-psychs restarting to kick in and I’m getting super drowsy, I’m tired, but still hungry, might have some sugar toast lol, yes I eat sugar toast with lost of butter and idc, its all I eat lol, my sugar intake should not be legal I binge eat lollies like its popcorn, like those hard sugar lollies… I get a big bag of piñata lollies munch it like popcorn. Its a problem, i guess no lollies tomorrow either lol. I eat em when I’m BIG B WORD but once I start its like I can’t stop. No wonder I’m sick, I’m excited for this bag to be gone so I dont have to eat them anymore lmao, do you see my fat bitch mentality I have rn watch in a couple weeks ill hate food again and not eat for 5 months. Psycho. I’m gonna make some sugar toast lol. Brb

I better figure my shit out now while I’m still learning and not later on down the line when my foundation is secure, I’m sure it won’t be secure if my shit isint figured out but I have everything under control, it’s like a massive Hurd of bulls rushing towards me and I’m somehow controlling their next movements.

Certain people just take away all the pain for me, and I thank them for that, but theres heaps of other things I can do by myself that will fulfil me just as much, even more.

So I’ve come to realise I’ve got some sort of victim complex going on because why else am I still holding on so tight to things that hurt me? I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, I’ve been knowing that and like thinking about not feeling sorry for myself lmao, but to look at it fully and see I really do have a victim complex and I can’t get go of the feeling, but why should I hold on? I don’t want to guilt myself into letting go, I just want to let go, and I am, by fixing what I pushed away so many years ago, bring it to the front and figure out that fat knot in the chord, that shouldn’t even be here. Ugh, idk man. I think I’m making a lot of sense, I’m just trying to get it all out, I don’t feel sorry for myself when I look back, I see me making the right choice, every single time, whatever lead me here, to cut it off, thank you so much for bringing me here today. Im so embarrassed that it’s taken me this long, but that’s just a feeling it’ll pass, it’s not even that bad, I want to live for myself and that’s it, I’m absolutely worth it. I feel like I’ve already let it go I’m just stuck on the thoughts now lmao, I’m tripping too hard they’re just thoughts, clouds, movements, let themmmm moveeee onnnnn.

I’m totally okay with having a drink today, if the subject arises from Hayley or someone, I would love a glass of bubbles. I’m also done with going the way I have always gone, thats not the way up.

So I talked to my mum about me possibly having a drink tonight, she doesn’t think it’s a good idea, but she said if I feel like I’m in a spot where I can control how much I have, then by all means have a few drinks and enjoy yourself, but if you feel at any point it start to go down, stop. My problem is not stopping, this ripples out to me drinking as a coping mechanism and not as something fun to do with people you love, and let go. That’s what I wanna do, I wanna let go. I’m scared a beast might unleash, it’s not going to tho, because this is the good place. I’m quiet nervous tho aren’t I? I don’t want it to open up the doors for me to drink all the time. I don’t wanna do that, I just want to enjoy this one time, im aloud to. I know I am stronger and bigger than alcohol, and I can control it easily because I monitor my alcohol intake. Count my drinks? I don’t want my family to make assumptions about me if I chose the drink, I have grown and that’s not my way of thinking anymore, I guess me saying that is me judging myself, I have the full capability to live as I am, I have learnt so much and I have implemented more into my life. I’m coming at this from a different angle, i probably won’t even drink tonight who knows? But if I choose to, I choose to do it properly. Follow my mums rules and everything is fine.

I’m not going to let go of myself, I’ve got ahold of who I am and I’m not losing sight.