#can't wait to be free to actually have hobbies again

[lunaechaos]

.

[idolomantises]

I haven't drawn Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss redesigns since last year and the fandom still regularly tags me/picks fights with me over them. I did not think a couple drawings would live in people's heads so rent free.

Like you can go find my redesigns on twitter, they're still very public. I just label them as "Angel Dust redesign" or "Alastor redesign". The only time I think I explicitly called a design bad was when I said I found Beelzebub's design atrocious. Which it is. It's an overdesigned mess that doesn't convey the sin at all, I'm allowed to say I don't like it. And even still, when I posted the art, I still labeled it as "Beelzebub redesign".

I'm not going to forget when you fans regularly stalked my account and PATREON just to figure out when I would upload the redesigns. You think I forgot about when I posted my Angel Dust redesign which was just meant to improve my old design and you people harassed me for days? You accused me of "baiting" fans because you are so self-obsessed you think everything I do is explicitly to upset you. You people misgendered me, told me to kill myself, called me a fucking cockroach and flat out threatened to assault me multiple times. Sure I was harsh about my critiques, but I didn't resort to homophobic and transphobic comments like you people did with my Angel Dust redesign because for some unexplained reason you diehard fans who have been following this project for 10 years didn't know that he's meant to be a drag queen. When I did a quick redesign of Katie Killjoy on my personal tumblr, guess what? You people flipped the fuck out, AGAIN.

I can't even talk about my own religion without you sad, paranoid losers thinking I'm trashtalking hazbin hotel. You made up some rumor that I block all Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss fans (despite being mutuals/friends with people who are fans of the shows or actually work on them) just so you could justify harassing me even more. You told me for years that I should wait until the Hazbin series dropped to get my full thoughts out and when it did you people still freaked out and berated me.

Even when I talked about my situation after posting my Angel Dust redesign, instead of apologizing, fans claimed I planned this hostile reaction to begin with to make the fandom look bad. That I was "pulling a transphobia card" for sympathy. I didn't do shit. You people have gotten more aggressive about your hate towards me because people finally saw how incredibly inappropriate and vile you people act over a midtier cartoon written by someone who has so many allegations of bullying, transphobia, racism and workplace abuse that it's become harder and harder for you to deny, so you take out your unrepressed anger on me.

I know the only reason you people target me is because I'm a big artist who doesn't kiss Viv's ass. You want me to be a diehard fan of hers like every other big artist you people bully into worshipping Viv and her show and I won't do it. So you just obsessively stalk and monitor my account and accuse every little thing I do as a spiteful attack so you can justify your little harassment campaigns again. It's pathetic.

Seek help, find a hobby, stop obsessing over people who don't like the same thing as you. It's getting sad.

[pinkisthenewangst]

°`🍨: Kei Tsukishima + First Years x GN! Reader

°`🍨: Being a bet hurt so damn much

You knew boys were dumb with their stupid puberty that makes them go crazy. You knew from the beginning that first year high school will probably feel and also end like middle school all over again but you still felt disappointed. Disappointed to actually believe that it will not happen again and to fell for a tall, handsome and surprisingly intelligent boy until someone tries to attack his ego. You should have known that suddenly getting friends and being confessed to was too perfect for your boring and lonely life.

Realizing that was when you stand beside the clubroom door of the volleyball team. Silently listening to the boys, who talked while changing to their sport outfits. You didn't want to eavesdrop but when you heard your name, you couldn't stop listening. Clutching the straps of your bag in your hand. Biting on your trembling lips while blinking away your tears. Placing the fabric of Tsukishimas Jacket to your mouth so you wouldn't accidentally let out a sob. Doing all of this just to hear that everything was a lie. Being friends with you out of pity. Your relationship only being a bet. It hurt so damn much. "Oi Tsukishima ! How does the lover boy feel to almost reach the third month of your relationship ~?", you heard Tanaka's booming voice through the door. Then it was silent for a short moment until the tall one answered: "Made me realize that relationships robbing me from my precious time and I can't wait to be free, but seeing your faces when you lose is actually worth it". Ouch. Being a bet wasn't something new to you and he knew it. He was the one that told you about it in middle school and now he does the same. You heard more chaotic screaming and laughing, not really able to believe that all the first year knew about it and also the second years you saw as reliable senpais. You then also heard Kageyama talk: "I'm not good with people like her, it feels suffocating to even just stand beside her." Then Hinata continued: "At least she isn't boring!". It hurt so damn much. Not able to listen anymore, you slowly walk down the stairs. Walking past the third years that greeted you happily but you only gave them a nod and a small bow before you started to sprint so they couldn't see the tears in your eyes. You knew boys were stupid but you were also dumb for thinking it would get better. You wished the world would just swallow you whole to stop your suffering.

It felt weird. Eating alone after having finally some people to talk to about hobbies and homework. It also felt rude to just run and ignore them when they tried to talk to you. But you were so hurt and unable to trust them anymore. Not knowing what was a lie, a bet or the truth made your heart crumble in your chest. Seeing them look confused also fed the guilt in your stomach. You should be a better friend. Less boring, less annoying and more how they wanted you to be but this was not possible. Changing took a lot of energy that you didn't have. All the joy you felt until this tragic day, left you completely. Only an empty feeling remained. Looking at Tsukishima from far away didn't make your heart beat faster anymore, it only brought tear to your eyes. Seeing the chaotic duo of Hinata and Kageyama only made it hard to speak without your voice cracking. Feeling the hand of Yamaguchi on your shoulder when he tried to give you something back, made you tense and stiff. Walking through the school made you fear that everyone knew how stupid you were to fall for this bet and how they would start to laugh at your suffering. It took Nishinoya by surprise when you jumped out of your skin when he greeted you at the entrance of the school and how fast you ended your conversation when it sometimes went on until he needed to run to his class. Ah they suddenly started to feel it. The empty place since you weren't there anymore. It even bugged Tsukishima more when he didn't get any answers from you after he messaged you. It also started to hurt. Made his heart sting seeing you not looking at him anymore. His fist shook beside him seeing you smile at Sugawara but something like sadness took over his feelings when your face dropped to a neutral expression when the third year disappeared. Something wasn't right but he didn't know how to fix it. In the first time of his life, he felt heartbroken and unable to decide what to do. How unfortunate that everyone around you and him were just so stupid and dumb.

°`🍨: Tadaaaa ~ Another one but it's not really Tsukishima focused but it also is 🤔

°`🍨: REQUESTS ARE OPEN until 25th of Aug.

[6okuto]

mammon x bookworm gn!reader fluff :0

reading isn't really one of mammon's hobbies, but it is one of yours. he knows because he'll have to fight for your attention with a book (of all things! he complains), during nights in where your fingers stop running through his hair, or even grip it a little too hard in surprise at the words on the page.

he pouts and whines about how you should be paying attention to him, your boyfriend, and you just softly laugh. tilting your head, you ask, "do you want me to read one to you? i got a new one yesterday we could start together." hitting two birds with one stone—mind ultimately on him, and him finally 'reading' one of your books.

mammon huffs but agrees anyway, and he quickly figures out he actually really likes your voice when you read out loud to him. he gets more invested in the story than you, and when you leave the session on a cliffhanger for the night, he tells you you're doing this again tomorrow because you're real mean for not letting him find out what happens next.

and it becomes a regular thing (mammon can't even try reenacting satan's reaction when he found out mammon knew the plot to the book you mentioned a week ago), to the point that he prepares a glass of water for when your throat gets dry, and he's thinking about it during class when he should be doing his assigned readings instead.

!! and then!! one night while you're taking a break for your voice, mammon does something new: he offers to read to you instead. you blink at him—"wait, really?"

"why’re ya so surprised?!" he huffs and takes the book from your lap before you can say anything else.

and he's not used to it, he stumbles over his words and his throat gets dry faster than yours does, but he doesn't regret it—not when you grab him and gasp when he says the plot twist, or when you whine and laugh when he refuses to keep going until you give him a kiss as payment.

"payment? i was reading for free the whole time, mammon!"

"okay, well, as a reward then! for goin' outta my comfort zone for ya!"

he's joking, sort of, not really. but he almost drops the book onto the floor, lets out something akin to a squeak when you take his face in your hands and kiss him.

he's in a half-daze when you pull away. "there, now keep going before i take the book back and kick you out," you threaten emptily.

and mammon is stuttering, eyes and brain not processing what he's saying as he keeps reading, but he thinks maybe books are a good hobby to pick up if it means more time spent with you like this.

@reverie-starlight no om tag list of course but hii friend!! wehehe.. mammon... i was actually considering tsumu for this too so i would've tagged u either way. what a world!

[dreamwritesimagines]

HC that Theo Is Adorable to Everyone and no one is immune. Like since none of the other Professors feel like punishing him because they're used to edgy teenagers with trauma and attitute problems, not perfectly polite little boys that mostly use their powers to lower kittens from trees and accidently ending up shattering a window.

('I can't do that Jean. He's literally a baby, that's illegal' 'I don't want to either.')

They just send him to Logan which is barely a punishment at all to him because he thinks thats The Coolest Man Alive, actually and he likes to bother him with questions about history in his free time anyways,

so one day while Logan is out on a mission and he gets in trouble again (his group of friends are all older boys that are pretty protective of him but still, mischievous) they can't think of ANYTHING. The boy literally VOLUNTEERS to help the cleaning ladies every single day, he's not going to think any of their usual punishments are bad.

They send him to help Charles with some files.

The old professor is delighted by him, Theo loves organizing stuff, for some reason.

Its now one of his new hobbies.

Logan is ready to tear his hair out.

ILY AND I LOVE THIS HONEY OMG OMG-

Wait first of all, we are so gonna have it in the storyyyyy, Theo trying to save a kitten and accidentally shattering a window 🥰 It's such a great idea! ❤️

asdfghjkl everyone trying to pass each other the responsibility to give Theo detention like a game of hot potato 😂

They just send him to Logan which is barely a punishment at all to him because he thinks thats The Coolest Man Alive, actually and he likes to bother him with questions about history in his free time anyways THEO THINKING LOGAN IS THE COOLEST MAN ALIVE I JUST-

Lolll he would be following him around like,

"Mr. Logan sir, how do you know so much about history?"

"I lived it."

"Did you live the whole history?!"

"Kid-"

"Did you see um- did you see Napoleon, sir?"

"Bub, how old do you think I am?"

Lolll and Theo loving organizing stuff! 😂 He would be so happy and even thank them after his detention 😂 So at some point, when Sunshine came to pick him up from school, Logan would be like,

"So uh, question."

"Yes?"

"What...what do you do when he misbehaves?"

"What? Is he in trouble?"

"No no, I'm just asking for future reference-"

"Theo, what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything! Did I do something wrong, Mr. Logan sir?"

"No bub- he didn't do anything, really. Just uh- Rogue was curious so that's why I'm asking."

[jokeroutsubs]

[NEW ENG TRANSLATION] Bojan Cvjetićanin, Joker Out frontman: The world's being destroyed by unhappy people, so we should try to bring happiness to as many people as possible

Original article Written by: Sonja Javornik 28.11.2021 English translation by: @varianestoroff proofread by: @flowerlotus8

With two sold-out concerts in Ljubljana's Cvetličarna (the second one will be broadcast on TV Slovenija on New Year), Joker Out proved that, after a long time, we have new idols for the youth. The two concerts in Cvetličarna sold almost 600 of their CDs.

The majority of their audience are girls, which isn't surprising, as the band consists of handsome, talented and smart lads. Bojan Cvjetićanin is the frontman of the band and also the author of most songs. The Sociology student fascinates in many ways, as, despite his young age, he's an excellent and knowledgeable interlocutor.

I was surprised by how enthusiastic senior fellow musicians are about your success. They say you bring hope that the music scene will spring to life again. I'm glad they don't see us as a threat, so it made me extremely happy to see their honesty. Last time, Boštjan Meglič¹ came up to me and told me with a genuine smile that we reminded him of their early days.

Yes, we can definitely compare you to Siddharta - but, after them, there hasn't really been a band to cause such hysteria and excitement. I can say that everything has worked out really well. COVID-19's impact on us was positive, as we couldn't wait for the first album. It was a big thing for us. Since it didn't make sense to release it when there were no gigs, we polished it and changed it in a way we're really satisfied with, and we can finally say for ourselves that we're a really good band. We have a great energy, we're all good musicians and our arrangements are good. We're a solid team.

Nowadays we don't seem to have as much patience as we used to, so it's good that this long pause hasn't demotivated you. Do you feel like there are other younger musicians who are willing to be patient to be successful, or are you more of an exception?

¹Boštjan Meglič is a founding member of Siddharta and plays drums in the band.

I dare say we've taken a very mature approach, covering all the aspects needed to make it work. We're always willing to play for free as opening act for exposure, without any financial demands. That felt like an understandable investment, and I think a few others are doing that too - bands like MRFY, Koala Voice... We also started to acknowledge how important the overall image is, because you also have to externally portray what you represent in the music. I think a lot of people underestimate that, or think of it as showing off, but clothes on stage are actually important, as we also act differently by putting on specific stage clothing. We put on things we really dig, and we don't look for inspiration in fashion magazines.

For sure, rockers in Slovenia tend to underestimate their image - maybe they're afraid of looking too pop. On the other hand, serious rockers have always put a lot of emphasis on appearance and distinctive clothing - think of Bowie, Freddie (Mercury), but also Guns N' Roses or AC/DC, who can't be counted as pop artists, for sure! Or Siddharta, for Slovenia. Could it be that you've made such a difference compared to other young bands because you don't do music as amateurs, instead you understand that also this business has its rules?

For sure. We realised that there's no shame in saying that this is our job. As long as being a musician is perceived as a hobby in this country, it'll remain a hobby. You're no less an artist if you make a living out of this!

When did you start taking care of your appearance? Would you have looked the same on the stage of Cvetličarna even before the COVID-19 epidemic?

We'd have a similar style, as we knew from the beginning that Joker Out had to work as a whole. For Cvetličarna we went to RTV studios and borrowed clothes. Our stylist Suzana Juršič was with us and helped us choose the right items.

On stage as sex symbols

When I met you backstage before your concert at Cvetličarna, you warned me not to miss the intro. And it was brilliant - you prepared a video intro. How so?

We hoped for an epic intro, but we couldn't picture what that would look like. Mark Pirc, who shoots our videos, quickly intuited what we thought, so we let him design the whole visual concept. Afterwards, he called us and told us that we needed special outfits, in which we then filmed the intro a few days before the concert.

You always mention regular colleagues, you must have an extended team, which is unusual in Slovenia, as everything tends to follow the 'do-it-yourself' principle - I'll do it myself, so I can spare the fee.

This comes from the 'hobby vision' I mentioned before. Everybody can do everything themselves to save money, we left other aspects to people who know best. We quickly realised that we needed to be surrounded by people who love us and understand what we want to become. Joker Out isn't just the five of us, but there's Mark, who makes videos, there's Sandi, the sound engineer, a lighting engineer, a photographer. The permanent part of the team is small. We also have a guy who helps us carry and set up the equipment, and we used to have a photographer for a while, but we don't anymore. We also have a PR rep.

What does it financially mean for you? Are you already in profit or do you still have losses because of the team?

Absolutely. The deficit's a big part of our narrative, and we still go deficit if we have to. We often have a headache when it comes to certain amounts, but we still go to the ATM as we believe in our story. And we go to the ATM a lot... (smiles)

All successful stories started with the band members investing their money because they believed in themselves - like Čuki, Siddharta... But really, not many are ready for a financial investment.

It could quickly happen that the risk's high and the reward's low. We're lucky we've never believed in failure. Our dream was to play on big stages, but the process never was a necessary evil for us. We enjoyed the climb. Well, there are still a few more climbs to go! We've made it up the first climb and are now on the first top cap...

Aren't you afraid this might already be the peak?

Honestly, I'm not afraid of this as I feel a lot of creative energy in me. With this album, we haven't said everything we want. Also, nobody's worried next album will be less successful. I dare say that, out of almost all alternartive artists, we're the ones who do the most ourselves and work like a well-oiled machine. Even our first album was successful commercially, which makes us very happy.

The album is available online, and you've also released a CD for fans. How many CDs have you sold?

I don't know the exact amount, I know we sold around 500 to 600 CDs just at the two concerts in Cvetličarna, which seems a lot to others.

We're surrounded by people who love us and understand what we want to become

Worry not, that's a huge number given the times. Do you feel like a sex symbol as, already by the second song, bras were flying on stage?

At first, we were very scared on the first night, as we waited a year and a half for this mythical moment. This certainly increased expectations, but also stress. I had a million different scenarios playing in my head, and then it happened...

Did you have any stage fright?

I had a weird stage fright. I wasn't afraid of going on stage, I didn't know what would happen afterwards. As we stood and waited, we heared everything happening on and off stage, so we went on stage quite scared and shocked. We couldn't realise all the enthusiasm was just because of us! The second night we went on stage already as sex symbols, that's how we really felt.

Are you the most popular with girls because you're the most exposed, probably?

Different sides have formed, so we're all satisfied. (smiles) When we post, we can't wait to see who people are rooting for, who's the sexiest...

Bigger stages than the one in Cvetličarna are waiting for you, but you've already played on smaller Slovenian stages over the summer. Was there such response as in the capital?

Everywhere we went, the response was really good. In Cvetličarna, people already knew lyrics that aren't even online yet! This didn't surprise us, as we knew that those who came to our summer gigs would also come to the other side of Slovenia for our concert. We have some fans who've been to more concerts than Kris, who missed two shows because he was travelling with his girlfriend! (laughs)

And you let him do it?

As at the time he had everything already booked, it couldn't be otherwise.

But I was angry at the time. Luckily, there's a fellow guitarist in Fat Butlers who we're very close with, and he was able to quckly jump in, as he knew our repertoire.

When someone really succeeds, that boosts the entire music scene. Even when Siddharta made it, the overall rock scene was in great shape, everyone was performing a lot. Do your young colleagues realise that you created opportunities for them too?

I know that the entire scene has really grown, but I can't say we're the reason for that. When we announced the Cvetličarna concert two years ago, our opening act Kokosy had just released their first songs. We chose them because they sounded extremely amusing during their performance at Škisova tržnica and had good energy. At the time, few knew this band, today they're already well established performers with quite an audience. Now also our audience knows them, so the vibes were really good during their performance.

Parents listened to Indexi and Bijelo Dugme. You come from a family of doctors. Are your parents upset that you didn't follow their path?

No, they're very happy. Mum's glad I didn't choose medical studies, dad would've been happy if I'd become a doctor too. But there's no hard feelings, as, with grandma, she's by far my biggest fan. Both go on YouTube every day and tell me how many views we make, when we'll be on the radio... I also have an older sister, who's an extremely diligent lawyer. She too is very proud of me.

So will your sister review all contracts to make sure some label or promoter doesn't scam you?

That's right. (smiles)

Your parents moved to Slovenia due to the Yugoslav Wars. Do you feel any bitterness, any trauma in your family because of this?

Both graduated medicine in Banjaluka, and came to Slovenia during the war, here they did their specialisation. Both consider Slovenia home, as here they felt accepted when they needed help. They never felt like foreigners. Sure, it was hard for them at the beginning, being foreigners in a shared country until recently², but, despite that, they successfully finished their specialisation and started a 'new life'. I never felt like a foreigner myself.

Have you ever been subjected to prejudice?

I went to a primary school with a few 'čefur'³. In Grade 8, only two students had excellent grades in Slovene - besides me, a classmate whose surname ended in -ić⁴. They probably didn't even know who came from where.

Nowadays, Balkan music's very popular among the youth. How did you keep up with it? Were you fond of it due to your roots?

Pretty much. When I was little, at home we had albums. As children, we listened to the music our parents listened to. Whether it was Indexi or Bijelo Dugme, we listened to that too. When I got my MP3 player, my sister too downloaded some songs, by Siddharta, Big Foot Mama, Trkaj and Murat & Jose. These four artists were my favourites and I could say they still are today, I still love the ex YU rock scene, especially the new wave.

²Bojan's family moved from Bosnia around 1992, the year in which the Bosnian government declared independence from Yugoslavia, a statal entity that administered the western Balkan peninsula for much of the 20th century.

³Čefur is a word with a pejorative connotation that denotes people from Slovenia who originate from other countries of the former Yugoslavia or are descendants of such immigrants.

⁴The suffix -ić is a very common way to form surnames in Slavic languages. It is a patronymic suffix, indicating 'descendant of' or a certain personal name. As in most cases, people with these surnames are Serbs or Croats, or descendants of these, said suffix turned into an indicator of one's ethnicity.

What we couldn't realise was that all the enthusiasm was just because of us

Did you start writing the texts in Slovene right away?

The first song was in English, and Martin still keeps its paper at home. The melody was good and I can use it, but the lyrics were terrible. I've never been able to write lyrics without a melody, so I write the melody first. Also, I've never written lyrics to a melody made by someone else. Except for the first one in English, I've written all the others in Slovene, and I only write when the inspiration hits me. That's when I sit and start working, and a new song comes out of that. I discard very few songs, if something isn't good, I usually find out after the first lines. I usually get carried away to the point where it progresses. I wrote the song 'Gola' differently at first, but I didn't like the chorus. Later Kris reminded me of it, and I knew immediately what to change to make it sound right.

So, are you quite self-critical?

It's true. Sometimes I like something a lot at first, but within a week it doesn't satisfy me. Then I'm sad, because I disappointed myself, and I discard it.

But the Serbo-Croatian language market is much bigger than the Slovenian one. Have you also written songs in Serbian or Croatian, which you certainly know thanks to your roots?

Not all of them, but I'm working on adapting the whole album. It's easier to write songs in Slovenian, but it's true that I never started writing songs in Serbo-Croatian either. I tried to write one song in Serbian, but it sounded so bad melodically that I quickly gave up.

How often do you visit Banjaluka?

I used to go there a lot as a child and teenager, but not much since the epidemic, so I miss it a lot. I miss my grandmother who lives there. We live partly in the city and partly in the country, and it's the country that I miss the most. Everything is so pristine there. Everything is the same as when I was a kid, even the people are the same. In rural Bosnia, there are no things that can hurt or disappoint you.

Well, politicians continue to fuel nationalism in Bosnia, so it's always tense.

I love Banjaluka, but, since I grew up, the atmosphere has been tense all the time, so I don't like that environment. I'm worried for my grandma who lives there, as times aren't looking good and things can snap quickly. In the countryside, luckily, you don't feel this.

Can music and your message help improve this world? Do you think you can change something with music?

Unhappy people are destroying the world, so we can try to make as many people as possible happy. I think spreading love and positivity is the best we can do. Goran Bregović⁵ said in an interview that he stopped believing that music could change the world when all the musicians and cultural figures united, but were unable to stop the war. I think it isn't the job of us musicians to spread world peace, but we can try to make people happy, as happy people won't cause wars.

⁵Goran Bregović is a Bosnian musician and composer.

[sovonight]

I love your art, the way you render is absolutely stunning and you’re a huge inspiration of mine!

I was wondering how did (or do) you balance your academic life while making art pieces? Were there times in your life where your hobby damaged your academic studies, and/or vice versa? I’d love some tips as I start my first semester this coming week!

I hope you keep doing what you love, I believe the best stuff made by an artist are pieces they enjoy making :)

thank you!

i think i answered a question like this a long time ago and i can't find it, but basically i spent my free time drawing, and if i didn't have free time after finishing my assignments, i'd sacrifice sleep to draw.

i don't recommend sacrificing sleep! it's just personally, drawing is kind of a need for me--if i go a few weeks without drawing, it's like my Drawing Energy will build up and i just have to draw to release it. it also helped me destress since (in hindsight) i hated my major. anyway, my tip would be to prioritize exams/hw deadlines first, and fit art into the free spaces in between. don't let art overtake your studies! there will always be time for art--after the next assignment, after the next exam, after graduation, etc. even if you have to take a break, you can always pick it up again. unlike your studies, art has no deadlines, and it'll always be waiting for you.

also i'd recommend using the summer to get an internship, and using the school year to join orgs/clubs/etc. i didn't do it bc i was way too burnt out on my choice of major to even think about putting more effort into it, but doing these things while you're in school will make it easier to get a job soon after you graduate. there are some opportunities that you're only eligible for as a student, and you should take advantage of them! i saw graduation as a finish line, but it's actually more of a deadline for that reason. use all the resources you can/need before graduation. i wasn't able to find a job after i graduated, for multiple reasons, but one of them was definitely because i didn't do enough with my time before graduating.

[tinypandacakes]

I genuinely can't believe the nerve some of these people have. As if it's not enough we get quality chapters for FREE, all of them longer than an undergrad dissertation. Quick gratification has ruined this generation.

I would wait a week in the dessert with no water to get the privilege of reading what you post for FREE (had to say it again cause it's crazy)

😭😭 that is really kind of you to say, thank you 💕

like idk if that anon actually has any idea how long it takes to write, edit, and post? (Esp a 10-15k chapter). It’s more than just like, how many words per minute i can type. Lots of thought and planning. Writing and rewriting. editing takes a while too because I tweak the style and dialogue and descriptions until I get the vibe I want. Like, it takes hours and hours and hours.

I love writing, but some days the words flow more easily than others. Ultimately this is my hobby which I do for fun! And I love sharing it with you guys!! but yeah, sometimes I don’t hit my personal writing goals or deadlines.

I refuse to stress myself out over my hobby. I appreciate your patience and support 💕

[newtdrawz]

Could u do dally and pony friendship hcs🫣

OH MY GOD YES I CAN

You don't understand,, how obsessed I am with their friendship omg 😭 (lil warning these are prolly ooc but I really tried 😭😭 I promise) (feel free to add on to these I love seeing other ppls hc's!!)

Ok throwback to my Ponyboy HC's post where I said Dally is really supportive of Pony's hobby in art!!!!!

Dally might be (secretly ofc he would never admit it) like the #1 fan of Pony's art, besides Johnny and Soda obvi

He really likes watching him sketch and paint, it's memorizing to him and he can't fathom how it looks like a picture from a camera almost, he tells him that too. ("I dunno how you're able to do that so quickly, Pone." "It looks like a photograph almost.")

Pony always tries to downplay his talents and Dally (ofc in his mean/tough love Dally way lol) tells him not to do that and to not sell himself short

Dally truly believes Pony could be famous from his art. That he could get out of Tulsa and make a name for himself. He doesn't really know how to communicate that to him besides the rare compliment here and there.

Another throwback to the post where I did the hc that Johnny and Dally will sit in and listen to Pony read,,

Dally doesn't like reading, never really cared for it. He thinks Pony reading all the time is a little funny and he'll tease him abt time to time.

When he first finds Johnny sitting in the lot with Pony and Pony reading one of his books out loud to Johnny he obviously had to interrupt and obviously sit with them (they're happy to include him btw they don't mind 😭😭)

Dally will not. Shut. Up. He asks Pony abt a million questions abt the book. ("Well why'd the guy go and do that?" "Why's he stupid?" "Wait what happened before that?" "What's that ladies name again?" "Wait What's she look like again?")

This is one of the very few (and probably first) times Pony talks back/sasses Dally ("Why don't you be quiet and let me finish reading the page? And then maybe you'll know what's happening.")

Idk how to explain this but Dally is def the type of friend to feed into his friends delusions 😭 or like hype them up for something they definitely SHOULD NOT do,, like ykwim?? And he def does it with Pony

He definitely encourages Pony to get into a little bit of trouble, just a tiny bit.

Obviously Pony can get in trouble on his own and he does plenty but Dally just encourages it a little bit more lol

He calls it "getting Pony out of his comfort zone" while Darry calls it "peer pressuring" (there was def a conversation/argument abt it 😭😭) (Dal: I am NOT peer pressuring him, I'm getting him out of his comfort zone. Dar: yes you are Dal! Dal: No I'm not! Pony do you feel peer pressured?! Say no. Pony: No... Dal: See?! He's fine. He's having fun!)

Dally 100% keeps Pony out of any real trouble tho, the kind that'd get him sent away or seriously hurt. He'd never encourage him to do something bad enough to warrant those things.

Ok, Dally is actually really nice but in a mean way. Like he's aggressively nice where no one's sure if they're being threatened or complimented or insulted. He's no different with the gang

If Pony or Johnny are like really bad at something Dally will threaten the rest of the gang to lie and be nice 😭😭😭 he won't be nice because it's not expected of him but he'll make everyone else be nice.

One time Pony tried to bake a cake and for some reason he just can't bake. He can cook fine but not bake. So it was like awful but ofc the gang tried it.

When Pony isn't paying attention Dally turns to the gang and straight up threatens them. ("This thing tastes like shit but you're all gonna tell him it tastes good or I swear I'll shove your faces into the cake.")

Dally has no idea WHY he does it, cuz he's not nice (he is) and he doesn't care abt Johnny or Pony's, or really anyone's, feelings (he does he's just emotionally constipated 😭😭😭)

Dally still is kinda mean to Pony though, not mean but like teasing?? Like in a big brother way

Sometimes he just says things without really thinking abt it or randomly teases him (like Pony reading all the time and being a nerd and not talking to girls)

One night they're both sitting on the porch smoking and it's kinda late and Dally randomly just says "ya'know I don't really mean it, right?" And Pony says yeah and Dally just nods and they go back inside.

After that Dally still teases him and stuff but Pony kinda knows now to not really take it heart cuz that's just Dally being Dally.

From an outsiders perspective it does look/sound like Dally is just being and a-hole 😭😭 but the gang just knows him enough that it's some weird love language he has to just be mean to them 😭

Whenever Dally's about to do something really stupid/dangerous/illegal he threatens Pony and Johnny to not do it

Before he does anything he'll look both of them in the eyes and either tell them to beat it incase the police show up or back up and hideout

He looks directly at Pony and goes "Do NOT tell Darry I did this infront of you or else." ("Do not, and I mean do not, EVER do what I'm about to do or I'll beat both of you.")

Dally is basically like the only one rlly allowed to be mean/tease Pony (in his head at least 😭)

Dally makes fun of him plenty and Pony just rolls his eyes and laughs. Dally will ruffle his hair and punch him in the arm and all that.

But the minute someone who isn't Darry or Soda or himself says something rude to Pony he just gets so mad 😭

One time he threatened Steve cuz Steve said something to Pony. ("You better shut up and leave the kid alone, Steve.") (Steve's confused cuz like not even 5 seconds ago Dally just called Pony an idiot or something 😭😭)

He's especially this way with socs and authority figures

And it's not like Pony can't defend himself or anything, Dally knows he can but he just gets mad anyways and again he just starts talking before thinking and next thing he knows he's nearly throwing hands with someone cuz they were an a-hole to his friend lol

He's basically the "only I can be mean to him and no one else can" type of friend 😭

Ok this post got a little out of hand 😭

I had waaaaaay too much fun with this I just really love talking about and making hc's 😭 I'm still trying to nail down Dally's personality so if (which he probably is,,) he's ooc sorry 😭 I literally can't help taking the characters and literally changing sm abt them from canon 😭😭 it's truly a problem but I will try to get him right 🙏

(If there's any spelling mistakes or anything sorry I did this half asleep w/ a headache cuz I was so excited abt this ask 😭 I couldn't wait)

[jamsterrr]

P. SEONGHWA . . . FATAL ATTRACTION 3 ⭑.ᐟ

seonghwa. fatal love. ex lovers. “ i want you again .. “

description ; thinking it was for the best , breaking up with your boyfriend of 3 years since you both “ grew apart “ but when a mis understanding comes about. what will happen when you’re forced to spend time together, what happened to those “ we just grew apart “ feelings.

seonghwa!ateez x female!reader

words : 2.2k

contains. ‼️ ; cursing , sexual scenes , 18+ content , may contain typos , slight slow burn. ( let me know if i miss anything ! )

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ part 2 here.

———— .. ᯓᡣ𐭩 ( part three ) ᡣ𐭩ᯓ .. ————

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

Walking out of the room after your face was cooled down, holding onto the bag you decided on bringing, packed with sunscreen, shades, a towel and a water bottle. A million and one thoughts running through your mind. Though your mind was more set on getting the male back, because this meant war, and you didn't feel like being the bigger person.

Making sure Pop had water and food before you left, spotting Seonghwa, along with Yeosang, Hongjoong and Mingi; with the girl that was attached to his hip. Which made you wonder whoever she was, though you weren't particularly too interested in getting to know her just yet, and that seemed to be the case with her as well. Since Mingi hadn't introduced her to anyone yet, but everyone seemed to know her. So why not to you?

You moved past the couple and squeezed yourself between Yeosang and Seonghwa. Yeo sang smiled at you. "I can't wait to swim, its actually going to be so fun" the male said. Yeosang loved to swim, it was one of his hobbies. You were surprised he didn't make a career out of it. "I can't wait either" you smiled and gently touched his shoulder as he finally looked at you and then noticed your outfit. "Wow, Y/N??" the male spoke, slightly causing attention before you blushed and covered your breast. "Yeosang..!" you whined, turning his face away and blushing, hearing a slight snicker come from Seonghwa's lips.

"Wow, never noticed how big they were" Hongjoong spoke before laughing, getting nudged by Seonghwa in the side. "Please stop looking at her breast yeah?" Seonghwa frowned, his eyes rolling at you before he took your arm and pulled you back, Yeosang stopping and looking at you before you nodded for him to continue walking with the others. Once they were a bit far and it seemed like they couldn't hear the conversation that was about to occur, you snatched your hand away.

"Don't grab me like that" you snatched your hand away, rolling your eyes at the male. "Why are you causing attention to your body, that's supposed to be only for me to 'see'" the male air quoted. "So, you can tease me? But I can't have any fun? Plus, it was Yeosang that started, he's gay and we aren't dating, I don't see the problem." you spoke. "I came here to have a fun time, and that's what I'm going to do, okay pretty boy?' you spoke, crossing your arms and raising your eyebrow. Seonghwa sighed and nodded. "Yeah, alright." he spoke, "I don't want to argue, especially since I can't tell my parents about us just yet." the male rubbed his temple and looked at you, this time taking your hand. You didn't pull away and nodded. "Fair enough" you spoke, deciding to stop with the childish games and arguing. It was a trip, a break in daily life with your ex. It was time to actually have some fun.

--

Once everyone arrived at the lake, the 6 of you enjoyed 30 minutes of free time, swimming around the water and just playing with each other, splashing and having swimming races. You got out, climbing onto the dock with some help from Seonghwa.

Jumping into the water from the dock you felt free, your hair becoming wet, something you'd regret dealing with later. Hongjoong swam to you and laughed a bit. "Want to join in on chicken fight?" the male asked, and you responded with a nod. Seeing the line up, it was Mingi and the girl, Hongjoong on Yeosang's shoulder and you on Seonghwa's. You chuckled a little as you and Seonghwa had the same smirk on your faces. You knew you were going to win.

"Okay!" you said, approaching Seonghwa who was in the water, him leaning down with a smile so you could crawl up on his shoulder, wrapping your legs around him, gently gripping his hair to keep yourself balanced as you felt his arms wrap around your legs. You looked down at him and grinned as he grinned back.

"Okay, let's keep this fair and square, no scratching and last person wins" Hongjoong announced. You all waited for the countdown, smirking and when it started, everyone rushed together, your hand first meeting with Hongjoong, who was in particularly stronger than you, your palms and hands interlocking as you grabbed his and tried to pull forward, almost losing your balance. With the extra help from the girl whose name was still unknown to you. You were able to get Hongjoong down as he flopped into the water, Yeosang going down with him, causing a big splash. You laugh and lean down to wipe Seonghwa's face, clearing it from the lake water. "Thank you" he smiled before you looked up and were met with the face of the unfamiliar woman.

You gasping as she pushed your chest, shoving you hard as you fell back, holding your breathe and unwrapping your legs from across Seonghwa's face. Hearing the gasp of everyone before your back hit the water and both you, and Seonghwa went under. You came back up after a few seconds and coughed. Seonghwa coming back up as you both wiped your face of the lake water, your eyes darting to the woman. "Why the hell did you push my chest?!" you yelled towards her, your eyebrows pinched together. "Isn't that the point of the game?" she asked, as if she was confused. Bitch.

"No!" you shouted, rolling your eyes at her. "Yeah Lily, you're not supposed to push anyone's chest, it's dangerous." Seonghwa spoke, rubbing his neck. "Oh... I'm sorry" she said, starting to get emotional, starting to cry. "Are you for real..." you muttered under your breath, Seonghwa gently elbowing you. Mingi consoled the woman as he walked her up to the beach.

"No need to be rude y'all, she said she was sorry" Mingi spoke as he looked back. You took a deep sigh and rolled your eyes. "I can't believe she started crying, I mean, I should be the one crying. My chest hurts!" you mumbled, slightly yelling the last part as you rolled your eyes. "I think that's enough lake time for today" Yeosang spoke, walking towards the sandy part, pulling down his shorts. The rest of you agreeing before you all did the same.

--

Afterwards the sun was starting to set, you all made it back to the house where there were more cars parked in front. At least 2 more than before. You finally were able to take in how big the house was. The brown cabin log exterior trapping all the rooms inside. Once you were showered, you were joined by Seonghwa who rested on the bed and Pop who laid directly beside you. Your fingers moving through the dog's golden locks, sitting up and turning to Seonghwa who was running his hands through his own hair. "Do you think she did it on purpose?" you asked, your mind still wandering back to it and the look in her eyes.

"Push you? I don't know." the male said, sitting up and looking at you. You frowned. "I mean, why would she have a reason to? She doesn't even know you". "Right" you agreed, rubbing your head, your head laying onto the males lap, finding comfort in the place before you rubbed your eyes. "I'm tired, what time is it?" you asked, the male hummed and pulled out his phone, "8:45" he responded as you just nodded, looking up at him as the sunset hit his face, causing his face to be a color of orange and yellow.

The golden hour is what you considered it. A small smile appeared before you looked at Pop. "Ready to go out one last time before bed?" you asked the dog before he leaped off of the bed and waited patiently by the door.

"Want me to come with?" Seonghwa asked and you nodded in response, grabbing the collar and leash for the dog. You smiled and sighed before attaching it around the dog's neck as you and Seonghwa made your way downstairs and out of the back door, the sun setting quickly as you walked down a path along the back of the house to allow Pop to use the bathroom.

"Hey!" you both heard behind you, Mrs. Park approaching the two of you, "Oh hey mom, what's wrong?" he asked, the woman smiled and shook her head, tying the silk string around her waist. "Your dad is driving to pick up some pizza for dinner, but I heard what happened at the lake today, i came to check on Y/N to see if she was okay" the woman spoke, looking at you. Seonghwa's eyes following.

"Yes ma'am, I'm fine" you spoke, your eyes going to the womans, though all you could see was concern. "I'm fine Mrs. Park, really" you spoke.

"Alright, well don't stay out here too long, it's getting cold." she spoke, and with that the woman made herself inside.

"Who even is the girl?" you whispered to Seonghwa as he hummed. "She's Mingi's girlfriend, from what I seen she never leaved his side" he shrugged and rubbed his arms. "Yeah, I've noticed that too".

The two of you headed back into the house, letting pop loose as he ran to Yeosang who was coming down the stairs. Yeosang bending down to pet him and Seonghwa locked the back door. Then excusing himself to find everyone else that arrived.

Yeosang came back to you, massaging his head. "How are you feeling?" he asked, walking over to the couch and flopping down onto it. You flop down beside him after your eyes followed Seonghwa.

"I'm fine" you said, eyeing the male, "What's wrong with you?". "I have a headache, my room is right next to Mingi and Lily's and she's been crying since we got back, I didn't even know people had that many tears in their body" he groaned and looked at you.

You laughed a little. "Just because she's making the crying noises, doesn't mean there's any coming from her eyes" you stated. "I don't know, but I wish she'd" the male stopped and looked around, leaning into you "Shut. Up" he finished, leaning back. "I don't blame you" you chuckled and shook your head.

The two of your conversation stopping once you heard footsteps from the stairs, both of your head shooting to the stairs, seeing Mingi and of course Lily coming down the stairs. Her cheeks were flushed, her hands holding onto Mingi's.

"Speak of the devil" Yeosang said, the two of you standing up.

"Y/N may I speak with you... privately" she said eyeing Yeosang. You nodded and assured Yeosang you'd be okay before Mingi let the womans hand go, pressing it against her back before she finished walking down the stairs, Yeosang passing the both of them.

"Want to talk outside?" you asked, and she nodded as you unlocked the front door and turned on the porch light, the only other light being the moon as the sun finally set.

It was a little awkward at first, because she didn't speak. You looked her way, looking at the woman, she was really pretty. The way her skin contrasted against the porches light, her big blue ocean eyes staring at you. "Well, I guess I'll start then" she spoke.

But her attitude wasn't pretty at all. That was probably everyone's least favorite feature of her. She seemed like she wasn't a pleasant person to hang out with.

"Yeah, you should" you said a bit coldly. She sighed. "I'm sorry for pushing you, I didn't mean it" the woman spoke. You nodded, she didn't seem genuine to you, and that wasn't going to cut it. "Aren't you going to apologize Y/N?" she asked with a bit of smite in her words, causing you to raise your eyebrow towards her question. "No, I didn't do anything wrong" you spat. "You did, you yelled at me."

You chuckled, it leading to a scoff. "Are you serious?" you asked, and she replied with a nod. "No, your apology didn't sound sincere enough for me to apologize for yelling at you, so why should I?" you asked. It was justified.

Lily scoffed and shook her head. "Whatever, I have the upper hand anyway." she rolled her eyes. "Because I actually date someone in the family" she whispered as you slightly raised your eyebrow, your heart beating out of your chest. "Yeah, I know." she spoke. Smirking a little the woman hummed, opening the door, stopping in her tracks. "Goodnight, Y/N" the woman mumbled and went inside.

You stood there for a minute, a bit shocked by the womans last words, scoffing a little. "What a bitch..." you mumbled before going inside, shutting off the porch light and locking the door, making your way back up to you and Seonghwa's shared room. Seeing Pop and the male cuddled up on the bed, the light from the moon peeking through the curtains. Deciding it was best to just leave everything for in the morning and hope to get this long day over with. You slid into bed, letting out a deep sigh. Feeling the soft plush of the mattress and your dog move down to the bottom of the bed, Seonghwa's arm wrapping around you pulling you close. Uttering a few words.

"Just like you said, I only need you because it’s cold", though you knew better. Letting yourself fall into the male's warmth, your hands wrapping around his body as you drifted off to sleep.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ part 4 here.

[annabelle--cane]

at the risk of sounding Really Bad and with the caveat that I mean this in the most pro vaccine pro taking Covid extremely seriously way possible. I think conflating mental health/personal hobbies and habits with physical health and wellness in the time of a literal plague is actually part of why we are where we are. The example of opting out of treating a broken bone that you used is the perfect metaphor because that’s something that mostly effects the person with the broken bone. But if you’re treating every goddamn thing a person can do like it’s potentially viral it makes it easy to sound reasonable to advocate for a lot of vigilance against individual choice. Is this totally off base? do I sound like a reactionary dipshit conspiracy theorist right now? Just… there’s something here right??

even if that isn't the total root cause, I definitely think you're onto something. covid is literally a deadly and disabling viral disease, so the logic of "your actions regarding this impact others" makes total sense, but I think a lot of people took that language and framework and just ran with it, hoping that alluding to a deadly and disabling viral disease would lend credence to their arguments about mental health and personal decisions.

for example, I am constantly thinking about this take I saw on a post about drug decrim in december 2021. it's so special and dear to my heart, it makes no fucking sense at all. the only copy of the screenshot I still have saved is just the tail end of it and it has my annotations, so bear with me.

first, just for a moment, I love the complete breakdown of internal logic. we need to end the stigma around drug abuse but I think using heroin is exactly like being anti-vaxx. we should decriminalize all drugs but you'd have to be craaaazay to think that legalizing them is okay. wait until this person learns that some addiction treatment programs include prescribing opioids as a harm reduction measure.

second, using heroin is in no way like being anti-vaxx oh my god, and this person just can't tell. they are explicitly applying viral disease logic to mental illness* and choices about individual bodily autonomy. I don't want to minimize the pain and distress that can come from having a loved one with a substance use disorder, but in no world is it the same thing as refusing to go to cvs a few times to get a free vaccine against, once again, a deadly and disabling viral disease. groundbreaking leftist take: drug use makes you a hazard and drain on society and honestlyyyy you should think about the consequences of your actions before choosing to become an addict :/

I don't have screenshot for this next example, but I've also seen this language and mindset particularly come up a lot in discussions about "bimboism," makeup, and cosmetic surgery. I've seen several discussion threads where a woman finally just says "look, I'm adult, I've thought about this, I've interrogated myself, and ultimately I still want to do it and I can do what I want with my body" and the comeback to usually is "are you stupid? this isn't just about you, you're a member of a society who inherently expresses your ideology through your choices. the personal is political, stop being so individualistic. what will young girls think when they see you in a miniskirt calling yourself a slut?"

again, the final point that's meant to win the argument is that your choices about your body aren't fundamentally your own but Society's, because other people can look at your body and have feelings about it, they may even want to emulate it. for an added bonus, this one doesn't just use viral disease logic, but also borrows heavily and directly from the really basic conservative idea that women are less people and more living mannequins that you can dress up and use to show off the ideals of your social group. you can't wear that, men might see you and think you're a hussy and then it'll be your fault when they harass other women, little girls might see you and copy you like mindless drones.

*obligatory asides that plenty of people can recreationally use substances without being addicted and they're also fine + I know that classifying addiction as a mental illness is a hotly debated topic, especially in antipsych contexts, but that's a whole different can of worms to the topic at hand.

[xplrvibes]

Have you seen the crazy person on Twitter claiming that Colby's using Sam and that Sam is carrying the channel and Colby's not doing his job because he's not posting on instagram.

The guy is fucking editing, leave the man alone, go touch grass.

Need you and Golbrocklovely to state how hard Colby works again so bitches can understand the man works soooooooooooo fucking hard to the point he actually needs to take a break!

I've heard a bit about that. I also saw quite a few problematic shenanigans happening on tiktok and instagram recently, so I know this isn't a problem singular to one crazy person on twitter.

Before I say anything else, let me say that shit like this really drives home the point @golbrocklovely and I have been saying for years: people afford Sam a general sense of respect that they simply do not afford Colby. Colby is their little punching bag, rage room, therapist, fantasy boyfriend and Sim character...but he certainly isn't a human being who they feel deserves privacy, common respect, happiness, etc.

So, thanks for proving us right. We love that lol.

Back to the main point: let me take this opportunity to point out the obvious, here. When Colby was posting on instagram, people were pissed cause he was posting his girlfriend instead of working or sitting around like an unplugged toy waiting for Sam to have use for him or whatever it was people wanted (cause I guess only Sam can have a life and hobbies outside of the snc collective). Now he's stopped posting, and they are *checks notes* pissed because he's NOT posting, so therefore he NOW he ISN'T working?

Pick a lane, I am begging.

As far as the editing goes, they literally just spoke about this in the Quackity stream last week. Colby takes all of the raw footage - HOURS upon HOURS of raw footage- and cuts it down and arranges it into a story, after which it is handed over to Sam and the other editors to gussy up and make presentable.

In Colby's own words (starring at 1:15:40 in the Quackity stream vod on YouTube, for those who would like to experience it for themselves): "We have our own roles...so I cut everything, so I like assemble it and make the story, and then [Sam] does everything else," and my favorite part:

"We have an editor right now that helps out with Sam's job; but I can't give up the assembly, the cutting part."

So, please understand what that means. This man spends HOURS per day meticulously cutting up raw footage and turning it into a 1 hour story. And he does it BY HIMSELF.

You are lucky you see and hear from him at all, quite honestly.

And I mean that. This shit with Colby has been going on for YEARS. He said it himself once: he gets judged for everything he does. Every move he makes (or even doesn't make) is dissected to high heaven and used against him. He gets death threats for growing a mustache. He gets canceled for wishing women a Happy Women's Day. He spends 8+ hours a day editing, only to be accused of not working...while Sam can go off and post about riding in private jets and getting haircuts and training for a marathon and golfing and STILL SOMEHOW, Sam is carrying the channel and Colby is apparently spending his days doing nothing but fucking his, what was she being called again? Plastic Chucky doll of a girlfriend, was it?

I'm telling you this right now - Colby has one foot in the grave when it comes to interacting fans and it's because of this bullshit. Who would want to deal with this? Especially when all around you, your friends are being celebrated for being in openly cheesy relationships and having free time to explore hobbies?

He isn't a perfect human, nobody is. But holy shit is the shit that gets shoveled at him not warranted.

Also, because I have seen this going around tiktok and I have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to this: anyone who thinks wishing a cancer survivor would get cancer again or makes degrading and offensive comments about said cancer survivor's body or health all because he's got a girlfriend and you can't handle that - put all of your money into therapy. Seriously. You need the most professional help money can buy, and then some.

Anyway, I think that about covers the situation.

(And since I know, I KNOW, the only problem people will see with this is that I singled out poor Sam, the patron saint of dealing with lazy partners: I'm not saying Sam can't have hobbies. I'm saying it's ridiculous to compare the content both are posting on social media and come up with the idea that only Sam works. I'm also saying it's ridiculous to act like Colby can't have hobbies or days off while praising Sam for...having hobbies and days off).

[sleepy-vix]

journal/braindump 26/3/24

i hope life gets better soon. school is so miserable and weird and i just constantly feel like my physical shape is blurred and i'm but a a faceless entity drifting through the crowded and sweaty halls. when i speak to people it feels like i have to physically force myself to and i'm always so conscious of the fact that i would really love it if i were alone and not speaking to anybody at all.

i don't feel confident in myself and i feel like this year has passed by way too fast and i feel like just attempting to live feels like a bunch of cold sand is piled in my hands, and like sand does, it slips easily through my fingers and all i can do is watch. i feel so stupid and so naive all the damn time

for a while i had believed that everything would be okay, and then for a while after that i believed that i should kill myself. i'm okay now, i still feel very unsettled and it's like i'm not really me but i feel fine enough to function and i feel fine enough to live and wish to keep on living

i wish to keep on living

tomorrow i will wake up early and i will make myself coffee and i will sit down and read (i've had reading block for 2 days- which seems short but its annoying for me bc i really really want to read but i feel too restless and distracted to). i'll try to be nice to myself and protect my peace really hard and go on walks or something

i find that watching youtube videos where people just sit and talk, or rearrange their house and books, is really calming to me. i can't wait to just sit in front of the tv with a cup of matcha and a box of chocolates and just watching people talk, or watch all the movies ive been meaning to watch for sooo long

autumn is rolling around, and i'm infinitely greatful that it is because i always feel so inspired during this season. autumn makes me want to read, it makes me want to watch more films and eat more food and drink warm drinks that make me feel okay inside.

i also hope to pick up journalling again, but i'm not sure if i will because i don't have my own printer for images and idk what to journal but i have recently tried to just draw pictures- ive recently written journal pages on what i want to read, and also an "about me" page, and hand drew pictures. it's nice, but it doesn't give the same effect as full out journalling (with stickers, images, tape, etc... sigh.). i hope i journal more this holiday nonetheless.

i also hope to read without feeling so much pressure. i usually have no problem with reading whatever i want to read, as i like to think of myself as somebody who isnt easily influenced by other people's views (eg. if someone told me i have to read a certain book, i will consider it but i wont read it unless i want to) , but lately i've been thinking of all the books i want to read this holiday (for me i have autumn break in one week- and autumn break lasts for 2 weeks) and as u can imagine, it is very stressful bc ive somehow fallen into the mindset that i must read ALL of those books before next term or else.

fyi the books comprise of

- the complete collection of jane austen

- the complete collection of sherlock holmes

- the poppy war

- the iliad

- hamlet

- the metamorphosis

soo yeah... especially the first two points are stressing me out haha... im starting the poppy war now but im a little nervous bc ppl keep saying that its VERY gory??? and i usually dont care abt such things but lately my nerves and emotions have been such a wreck that i dont trust myself to read it in a calm manner

i'll try to break free of this toxic reader mindset tho! it would be nice if i could talk to people abt books, so it feels like im engaging with my hobby while not actually having to do the hobby, but nobody ik irl will want to talk abt books as i do

MAN i so badly want to rant abt booktok (ok actually i wont expand on this bc its a very sore point for me in the sense that i might get worked up over it and then feel shit afterwards for displaying sm emotion)

anywaysss next topic

ummm i get my maths result back on thursday and im so fucking scared bc i know i messed up bad for a few questions but im not sure if it was enough to drop me down to a b... idk i REALLY REALLY WANT AN A. like istg my whole self esteem for until the next exams roll around is goijg to be based off my maths result.. fuck im so emotionally immature its laughable

ummm also i have literature class tmr and i love lit class but we have to watch fucking "shes the man" and im sorry but i hate that movie so so much (ive never watched it before but we watched half of it last lesson and it was soo annoying). ughh why is my eng teacher making us watch this 😭😭

also my eng teacher is very blunt and therefore very interesting to talk to so ive been wanting to ask him abt books hes read lately but i CANT bc we have to watch thats tupid fucking movie and also he has to mark papers :( but also like hes the only intellectually stimulating person ik irl so what am i meant to do with all of my buzzing book thoughts ughh (rhetorical question. pls dont answer) :(

hmm what else is there to say

oh yeah last night i had a dream tjat i got a B+ for english and that was... it was like a nightmare im not even kidding. it was such a vivid dream too- everybody else got an A meanwhile i got a B+ (very close to an A) and i was just absolutely shocked and i desperately begged my teacher to give me some extra credit work so i can bump it up to an A-... yeah...

oh but also back to me wanting to have a better life- i think i'll take myself to the thrift more and go out with my friend (yes, singular. theres only one friend that i like hanging out with outside of school 💀) atleast once this holiday... thats what teen girls my age do, right??? haha...

also i want to watch ladybird and the perks of being a wallflower and rewatch little women and dead poets society !

i also might reread solitaire but aghh that makes me stressed out abt reading again... fuck. maybe i should just take a break from reading omfg

i cant wait to wake up early tomorrow and drink coffee though! :)

also i will make more spotify playlists (it makes me rlly happy to) and MAYBE even try cooking????????????? man idfk im desperate okay? feeling suicidal is not fun and i dont want to feel like that again this year. i cant afford thay bc im meant to be an academic weapon :( (lol who am i kidding? im more like an academic victim)

also maybe i will just text my friends more in general. it stresses me out and makes me feel icky but the other day, i had a nice and fun and lighthearted texting convo with one of my class friends and it made me realise that i should probably text people more ...

lol

anyways i think thats all? i think ive gotten everything off my chest for now. i liked doing this actually. maybe i'll do it more often idk 💀💀

hope u guys have a good day 🙏 i dont actually expect anyone to read this but if you did, i hope you have a good day TIMES TWO!

no refunds :}

[weepylucifer]

24. "You're trembling." steban/ulixes

The whole mess starts like this: one afternoon, Ulixes doesn't turn up to the reading group meeting.

His absence is a stark confrontation with the fact of how alone Steban is. Thus far, as long as at least Ulixes was still coming to the meetings regular as clockwork, Steban could go on with business as usual and put off reckoning with how solipsistic his little pretense at a revolutionary cell has become. Pretend like any educating of anyone in matters of radical theory was still being done here... like other members could walk in at any moment and give the whole thing a purpose again. Now, with Ulixes absent, Steban sits and waits and drinks too much coffee and feels, though he tries to ignore it, a bit like an idiot with his metaphorical dick in his hand.

He considers his options: he could go out and try to recruit again, he could go to bed and have a depressive episode, he could do serious self-critique about where the reading group went astray and why, he could wallow in his misery about driving his friends away with leftist infighting. He could disband the reading group. He could steal Cindy's pyrholidon and get high. He could go to Uli's apartment and start a huge fight about his perceived betrayal. He could get high, go to Uli's apartment, and have a sobbing breakdown about how Uli is his only friend and Uli's absence would destroy his life.

All those destructive impulses are eventually pushed aside, and Steban decides he will go to Uli's apartment, to check if there's something wrong with him. Uli has never missed a meeting before. Maybe it's not betrayal yet. Maybe there's something he needs...

When he, an hour later, knocks on Uli's door, Ulixes opens looking perturbed and disheveled, but at least he doesn't seem sick or hurt.

"Hi," Steban says. "You--"

"Oh no. The meeting..." Ulixes looks so caught out and almost frightened that whatever was left of Steban's sense of betrayal immediately evaporates. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to miss it, I've been out all day and... I only just came back here, you have to believe me..."

Steban raises a hand. He doesn't like seeing his friend so anxious. "It's alright. What's going on?"

Ulixes suddenly slumps against the doorframe, his skinny form bending like a defeated reed. "It's Comrade Reading, he's... gone missing."

Ah, yes, Required Reading. Uli's new kitten. Uli's new kitten that Steban is all support for, because Uli having a gentle, non-violence-related hobby must be encouraged... as long as the cat doesn't come close enough to Steban to shed hair on him.

Steban likes houseplants. They're his preferred way of existing alongside nature as a communist should. They're pretty, quiet, predictable, and can be raised according to a manual. They don't yell at him in the middle of the night, or scratch him, or bite him, or break his things, or shit in a box he has to clean, or mess up his cleanly, tidy, pleasant little apartment. Besides, something about this particular cat is... strange. It meows and purrs and cuddles and plays and whatever else the things do, but there's something Steban can't put his finger on that is... weird. The less he sees of it, the better.

Still, if Uli wants a cat, a cat he shall have. If Uli wants to spend every moment of his free time with a cat and not his human best friend who can actually carry a conversation and doesn't smell like litterbox, well... so be it. Who is Steban to question his tastes?

"I opened the door briefly to get the mail and he darted out past me," Ulixes is saying. "I've been looking for him all day."

"Oh," Steban says, then makes an effort to imbue his voice with more sympathy, "I mean... oh."

Now, he expects, is when Uli is going to channel his concern for his pet into rage, the way he usually does, and vow some vague idea of vengeance onto the universe for making this happen to him. Now he'll say something over the top like swearing to murder whoever should dare harm or withhold his cat from him in several grisly and overly specific ways that will leave Steban a mixture of nauseated and fondly exasperated, because it's clear that while Ulixes dreams (in graphic detail) of violence, he has never actually experienced it up close, and these fantasies are just how he copes, and...

"This is all my fault," Ulixes whispers, and Steban is shocked to see his eyes beneath his glasses growing damp, "I'm so bad at this, and now I messed it all up."

He sits down on his desk chair and buries his head in his hands. "Why did I ever think I could take care of something? He could die out there, and it's my fault."

There's nothing for it. Steban's still not exactly fond of the cat, but... seeing Ulixes this quietly devastated turns the world inside out. Steban thinks, I need you like I need my limbs and blood and beating heart, and puts his hand on Uli's shoulder. "We'll look for him together."

----

They make missing posters and print them on campus, and Steban volunteers to help put them up around Uli's neighborhood. They spend the rest of the day looking for Required Reading, even when it gets dark, even when it starts to rain. Eventually, Steban makes Uli take a break. Ulixes resists it, but at some point, he does have to sleep. Steban stays with him as their rain-soaked clothes dry over the heater, and softly reassures him as he drifts into an uneasy sleep.

Two days go by. The rain doesn't let up. Ulixes keeps searching for Required Reading, and Steban supports him, though privately he's beginning to lose hope for the whole endeavor. Revachol is gigantic, and there are myriads of ways for a very small cat to vanish in it. And of course Steban is sad for Uli's sake, because Uli really loved - loves - that cat, and taking care of something small and vulnerable has revealed a new side of him, one that Steban finds intriguing. But... a part of him, a part he tries to ignore because he's not quite comfortable with having it in him to think so lowly, is... not too bothered by the prospect of things going back to how they were before Required Reading appeared. Back when he- when the reading group had Uli's undivided attention. When Uli was focused on him the cause. When Uli would look at him with adoring eyes and--

Stop, Steban tells himself. That's a scummy way to think, and wholly inappropriate when it comes to your comrade. Of course you want him to get his cat back.

He should interrogate that entire train of thought, practice self-critique and remind himself of the incompatibility of Mazovian thought with such... greedy possessiveness. But he's not ready to examine himself in this instance, so he pushes it all down and out of sight.

It's ironic then that, on the third day, Steban finds the cat first.

He's on his way to Uli's apartment. It's still raining and he doesn't have an umbrella, so he's steadily getting soaked through. All he really wants is to get out of the weather. Still, he pauses when he hears, from across the deserted square, a tiny cry, like a baby, or a...

...kitten.

They've pinned one of the missing-cat-posters to a lamppost on the sidewalk here three days ago. Now, under the lamppost, crouched under a soggy, discarded newspaper that offers only scant protection from the elements, there he is, meowing plaintively for help: Required Reading. His fur is plastered to his body with rainwater, but it is him.

(It would be so easy for a passerby to recognize that this is the cat on the poster. Almost as if he sat himself down here on purpose... but surely that's impossible. Cats can't read, or recognize themselves on pictures.)

(Weird.)

Steban shakes his head. It's probably just a coincidence. He'd better scoop the cat up before he runs away, hope he doesn't get his arms scratched up, and bring the little thing home to Uli. Cautiously, he steps closer.

Sigh. Here goes nothing...

Suddenly, he hesitates. A thought unfolds...

Maybe he could just... keep walking. Pretend he didn't see. Ulixes would never know. He'd be sad for a while, but eventually he'd recover, and then they'd spend time in their meetings again like they used to... no more cat hair on his clothes, no more mess, no more having to feign interest in an animal he honestly finds a bit off-putting... and Uli's attention would not waver again, and Steban would never have to ask himself what he even is without Ulixes.

He stands in silence while the rain beats down.

Required Reading has stopped crying. He's seen Steban and, doubtlessly, recognized him. He doesn't scamper up to him like Steban supposed he might. He simply looks at Steban with eyes that seem way too intelligent, and in this moment Steban is convinced that somehow the cat knows what he's thinking. Knows that Steban is considering abandoning him here.

Weird!

Or maybe that's just his conscience?

"This is nonsense," Steban mutters to himself. Of course he's going to bring the cat back to Uli. Because that's the right thing to do, and it'll take the anguish off of Uli's mind, and surely Uli will be so relieved and thankful. Steban can just picture it: his normally reserved friend smiling and hugging Required Reading close to him, and maybe then he'll set the cat down and hug Steban, too, and express his gratitude and regard for how Steban went above and beyond for him... maybe there'd even be a kiss on the cheek in it for him...

But no. Why would there be? Steban is used to kisses from his family members as casual displays of affection, that is just their way, but if Ulixes did that... if Ulixes kissed him on the cheek, it would be different, it would mean something.

Despite the rain, he blushes. What is this thought? What is he considering here? And anyway, he's not supposed to do things because he expects a reward. Again, what an inappropriate thought to have, about a comrade no less. He can't just stand here getting lost in... whatever this is. There's a task to do.

Slowly, carefully, telegraping his movements, he crouches down and reaches for Required Reading. By some miracle, the cat doesn't spook. He lets Steban scoop him up, his small, shivering body almost eclipsed completely by Steban's slender hands.

"Aww, pobrecito," Steban murmurs, dutifully, because that seems like the sort of thing one says. "You're trembling... come here, let's get you home."

"Mrreeep," Required Reading says, huddling closer to Steban's body heat.

Steban tucks him underneath his jacket and continues on his way. It's still pouring down upon him, and the cat sneezes into his armpit, but he barely notices, his head swimming with thoughts of what awaits him: the warm and dry apartment, maybe some hot coffee, the opportunity to bring Ulixes a wonderful surprise, the dread and self-recriminations leaving his comrade's face and being replaced with joy, the feel of his body pressed against Steban's in an exuberant embrace, the gentle rasp of his beard against Steban's own stubble when the--

Hm.

As Required Reading, bundled up under his jacket, starts to purr, Steban begins his struggle to contend with the fact that, apart from everything else he's got going on already, he now apparently dreams of his comrade's kiss.

[beansnsoup]

How about Luigi and Reader getting married having a baby(ies)? Reader could have twins if you like. And maybe things Luigi and Reader do before, during and after the pregnancy.

Feel free to add in some reaction from Mario, the Mario Family and friends as well, if that’s alright! Thx!

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO ASK THIS OMGGGGGG

GOING TO MAKE THIS HEADCANONS BECAUSE I HAVE SM TO SAY!!!

☆

Luigi Headcanons

☆ Pregnancy and having kids

Warnings: pregnancy, afab, fluff, husband!luigi

When you tell him you're expecting, he's over the moon excited.

Mario can't wait to be an uncle, and his parents are freaking out over the fact that they're going to be grandparents.

Also, you have boy/girl twins, literally iconic.

So, for starters, he does everything in his power to take care of you. Like get the food you want, clean the house, get you blankets, pillows, etc.

Mario will also let him skip some days of work so he can take care of you, especially the days leading up to you giving birth.

When it does come to that day, though, you are very much cursing out every single person in that room, including your husband.

Giving birth to twins was everything but easy, but it all turned out in the end.

You had the pleasure of having one boy and one girl, and spoiler alert they grow up to be the most iconic duo.

Days after giving birth, you and Luigi would take turns putting whichever one decided to start crying back to sleep.

His mother also graciously gave you her two favorite records filled with different soft Italian music that she used to us to put Mario and Luigi to sleep with.

Luigi definitely dances with them, like when they get to be toddler size, he'll prop each kid on each of his feet and glide them around your living room.

His mom also taught you how to sew because who actually knows how to sew?

Every Halloween, your costumes are matching. One year, you all dressed up as the ghostbusters.

Not to mention, Mario is a wonderful uncle. He'll take care of them on the nights the two of you want a date night or alone time.

Their grandparents also very much spoil them, his mom making any food they desire, and his dad taking note of each hobby they have for future birthdays and holidays.

If you guys decide to raise them in the Mushroom Kingdom, they are most definitely going to turn out to be little adventurers.

Luigi reads them stories every night, he doesn't care if they want to read the same one over and over again, he'll do it, he loves every moment he spends with you and his kids.

Back to the adventure thing, Toad is almost always the one that takes them places. He gives them little trinkets all the time.

The twins definitely have the trope of one being more confident than the other.

The twins also had that phase where they fought a lot, which Luigi hated seeing since he was so thankful to have a brother like Mario and never fought with him.

When they get old enough to start dating Luigi goes protective dad mode so fast, he's like the dad that slyly asks question in the most nicest way possible while they wait for his kid to finish getting ready.

He also gets major anxiety after he gives in and let's them go out without parental supervision. You have to sit next to him until the two of them return to ease his thoughts.

Other than all of that, you'd both sacrifice anything for your kids.

I'm so sorry for posting being so slow 💀

[iwitch-plus]

Heya :) it's been a while!

Hi, my name is Dolly (she/her) and I've had this blog for quite some time! In the past I've done things like open up free readings, or create discord servers as a way to feel a sense of community, but this time around I think I'm okay with just being here instead of seeking attention and validation. A new era of this blog marks my first steps toward ACTUAL self-discovery and growth.

This was initially a side blog but now it's the main one I use. But since it's technically a side blog, if you see any likes/follows from @ibitch-plus that's me lol!

I just thought I'd make a pinned post sharing a little about myself, and I'll try to keep it brief but I'm bad at that.

The direction this blog is going to be going is ideally going to be personal, intimate, focused on my own growth as a person, and focused on my growth in my practice. I plan on being vulnerable and fairly open but not to the point where it's a burden on followers. I just want this to become a safe space for myself and others to share if they have been feeling like they're lacking in personal growth/their practice. You're not alone! And you're welcome to follow me and join me on my journey to help inspire your own journey!

I'm 23, I'm a Virgo sun, Gemini moon, Gemini rising, and I have an air dominant chart with a Gemini stellium!

I started researching and learning about Witchcraft in 2014/2015, so I guess I’ve been practicing on and off for 8-ish years. Still feel like a baby witch though, and ready to keep learning.

While I do love witchy aesthetics, my witchy blog has always been more dedicated to research, resources, and text posts along with my own personal photos, anecdotes, spells, and journey.

My witchy interests include:

Tarot

Herbalism

Botany

Kitchen Witchery

Astrology

The Moon

Sigils

Glamour Magic

Low effort Witchcraft

Natural products (making my own salves, tinctures, balms, etc!)

Aphrodite

All Greek pantheon, honestly

Spirits/Entities/Demons/Deities of all kinds

Crystals

Pendulums, and most other forms of divination

Mixology

Probably so many more but I can't think of any more specific ones!

My non witchy interests include:

Video games! Mostly Nintendo Switch gaming and cozy games but I play a lot of stuff on PC and some on other consoles, too!

Cartoons! Kids cartoons, adult cartoons, anime. I just like it better when it doesn't have real people in it. I love Adventure Time, Gravity Falls, recently been into Bob's Burgers, I'm just a big cartoon fan!

Cats! I have 2 boy kitties, a little black one and a big ol' orange dude. They're my favorite, and I love pretty much all cats in general.

Piercings and tattoos! I work in a tattoo shop, currently working on my piercing apprenticeship!

Mixology! Again, lol! I find the art of making and creating cocktails to be very witchy, but also just super fun in non-witchy ways.

Fashion! I love clothes and shoes, and I can never stick to one aesthetic

Pool! Like, as in billiards! Super random but it's fun and I've gotten a lot better over the past couple years!

Pretty much any hobby ever! Soap making, candle making, baking, embroidery, hand sewing, cosmetic making, jewelry making, singing, makeup, playing instruments, I just love to do it all.

Okay that's enough about me, like I said I'm bad at keeping it brief but there ya go! Can't wait to get back into the community. <3