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#cant have enough closest space
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'Shoot it to me straight' was iconic for a conversation about repressed Catholic guilt. Like Eddie, Bobby can't shoot it to you straight cause hunny you ain't
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g0thsoojin · 2 months
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#i dont understand why he everytime has not wanted to actually tell me how he feels for me#like... ???#idk...#i feel like even as a friend if i told him abt my romantic feelings#isnt it only right to say that yes i like u too or no i dont like u that way#bc it really bothers me that he just wont talk abt it#he just wont tell me how he feels#he just says i mean a lot to him#but i need to know more and i've wanted to know that for so long#like i've told him that i love him and want to be with him and want to work thru issues together#whh cant he just tell me how he feels#why cant he just say that no i dont want u romantically anymore but i did at one point#or no i only thought of u as a potential option#like idc what it is i just want him to tell me so i can fkn know how to deal with it#but it tortures me that i have no fkn idea#and when i read back old messages#i get so confused i dont know what he means or thinks or feels#he's told me that im the 2nd closest to his heart but then when i told him i was in love he said that he couldnt make me feel seen the way#i'd need to at that time but then i wait and give him space and then he suddenly has another gf without even thinking to tell me!#idk sometimes im like yeah maybe he cares abt me thats true#but it feels like he doesnt even respect me enough to talk to me? i told him i was scared everyday for weeks after his first gf#and that i checked everyday in fear that he'd have a gf again and not tell me#and then he went and did that again... like i just dont fkn know#i dont know where tf i stand with him#and i've tried asking him but then he said that he feels close to a panic attack so i back off#and then he has a gf out of nowhere#and then i cant ask bc every single fkn time i ask him to talk abt smth#he just says he cant deal with it right now but 'now' never comes and he never talks abt anything w me#but with someone else he can be in a relationship with#the more i think the more i realize that this isnt what i want
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diningpageantry · 10 months
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haaaaiiii guyyyyssss (gn) probably gonna be on here more often again soon. life events occurring. have occurred? still occurring, i suppose.
i'll probably post abt it more in depth at some ltr point, still in the very early stages of some stuff. i dont want to classify them as positive or negative things, however they're certainly things.
there's a lot of thoughts in my brain (hah), and ultimately i want to share them, but for now this is kind of me waving at everyone with a smile while my life has an "under construction" sign
#the last sentence also pertains to system stuff bc there was a major split from a significant alter#so like imagine an 'under new management' sign as well#not a host shift tho afaik but the split has resulted in a new fronter who's very active and has been co-con very frequently since#i've been having a Time recently in ways i'll ltr divulge abt but i finally established a solid communication with her today and that helped#i dont know how many splits/alters had broken off because intuition is saying a few but she's the most present and active in my awareness#i think we settled on her name being Lily but that may not be concrete#for a few alters i get like a single letter for their name and i try to work with them to find a name within that letter that feels right#one of my oldest and closest alters has only had the letter 'E' for the longest time and he and i cant find a solid name yet#every now and again im like 'edgar??? edwin??? edward??? emil???' and he's like 'fuck if i know' so like. fair enough dude.#i wonder if he'd like ez/ezara given that's a name we picked for ourselves pre-diagnosis however he doesn't fit that name in my opinion#ANYWAY. Lily is a teen girl in very much every way possible and she's very much an ANP#she is loved but as i type that she made it clear she's having an eyeroll reaction but that is the best i've got lol#i dont really mention system members often on here and mention them moreso to friends however i have a feeling she'll want a sideblog tbh#which is not something i've created/done for alters before as generally most of the system choose to be more private#but she seems extremely social and i want to give her her own space#i hesitate to give her an okay posting on her own on here mainly because i am an adult and i consider this blog an adult space#but im also okay discussing her in reference if that makes dense#anyway. yeah. as you can probably imagine shit has been Going On given there was a major split/restructuring but again that's for later#that's enough rambling from me lol ttyl
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yandere-daydreams · 9 months
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jason strikes me as the member of the family that holds out the longest and acts as the closest form of protection to a kidnapped darling-sibling that they eventually feel "comfortable" enough going to him as defense or a buffer from the others. until this inevitably leads to them alone one night and maybe they've allowed themselves more comfortable clothing (read: less coverage than a convent's dress code) and he gets a glimpse of skin as he glances down at his darling-sibling leaning against him. and is it hot in here? more than usual? it cant be the blanket it's been there a while without issue. and then darling-sibling makes the mistake of looking up at him, with big, innocent eyes and the most adorable pout.
i mean, everyone else has treated you so callously, like a piece of meat meant to be ravaged, jason would never! when he touches them, it's with nothing but gentle yet firm hands, like handling a baby bird. and he knows he makes you feel safe, imagine if he could make you feel MORE. something even more pleasurable than calm and secure? what if he could bring you ephoria and ecstacy? he's not thinking about what you would be doing to him, oh no, this is TOTALLY 100% altruistic big brother doing what a big brother should for his darling younger sibling who's needed him so much all this time. of course he'd be needed here too.
i got carried away.
word count: >1.0k.
tw: implied non/con, obsessive behavior, implied kidnapping, nonconsensual touching, and overall freak behavior.
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He was doing this for your sake.
You didn’t know that. He’d tried to tell you, but you’d refused to listen – just cried and whined and clawed at his chest as he positioned himself above you, his body between your legs and a hand planted on either side of your head. He could still see your mouth moving, recognize that wet, glazed-over look in your eyes, but whatever sentiments managed to make it past your trembling lips were long underneath the sound of his own heart beating in his ears, the rattle of the air in his lungs as he struggled to keep his breathing even, to stay composed. If he panicked, rushed, you’d only get more scared and, well, he didn’t want you to be scared. Not of him. Not of what he was going to do for you.
With an airy sigh, he leaned down, leaving that much less space between your form and his. The shirt you’d borrowed from him (a sight too familiar to still send the pang of warmth through his chest it had the first time you smiled so shyly and asked if you could borrow something a little more comfortable than the pitch-black turtlenecks and baggie sweaters you chose to pile on around the rest of his family) was a size too big, prone to sliding down your arm, and he buried his face in the dip of your shoulder, letting his lips ghost over your unprotected skin. The hem had ridden up, leaving your side vulnerable, exposed. His hand fell to your waist, and—
Fuck.
You were softer than he thought you’d be.
Bruce would’ve been too cold, too busy pretending to be unaffected to savor the feeling of your unscarred, unhardened skin against his calloused fingertips, and Dick wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from tearing you apart. Jason, though – he kneaded into your hip, your thigh like you were the most delicate thing on the face of the planet because, even if he rolled his eyes when Tim explained that it was the Wayne family’s duty to protect you, you were. He was different from his brothers, from Bruce, from the rest of the manor. He knew what it felt like to break everything he touched, which meant he was the only one who could do this without breaking you.
He pressed a kiss, gentle and impulsive, into the corner of your jaw, then the side of your neck. This time, he heard the ragged sob that tore past your lips, felt your blunt nails rake over his back with enough force to break the skin. He stifled a throaty groan, ignored the way his cock pulsed behind the suddenly constraining material of his sweatpants – instead, he focused his attention on you, on pressing open-mouthed kisses into your collarbone. It took more self-restraint than it should’ve not to leave a mark, not to bite down and make sure anyone who looked at you would who’d put their claim on you, but self-indulgence could wait until you blinked up at him with those teary, glossed-over eyes and asked him to protect you from the rest of his family, the rest of the world. Caught up in his fantasy, he let his grip tighten, let his thumb press into your thigh with too much force, and you cried out, the noise cracked and helpless in a way that made him love you just a little more. “Jason, please, I don’t want to—”
He hushed you with an airy chuckle, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. “I know, baby bird, I know. You can just lay back and relax. I’ll try to make it fast. And fun, too, even if you’re gonna keep pouting like that.” He sighed, then smiled against the base of your throat. “It’s better like this. The other guys – they’d be too rough, and you’re too fragile for something like that.”
He pulled back, already grinning down at you. “This’ll be your first time, right? Don’t you want your favorite big brother to help you through it?”
You only sobbed louder in response, but he didn’t mind. This wasn’t for him. He didn’t have to enjoy it.
He was doing this for your sake.
Maybe, by the time he was done, you’d be a little more thankful.
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hoonvrs · 10 months
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SECOND BUTTON — n. riki
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PAIRING riki × gnr
GENRE fluff, confessions, coming of age
WARNING none
W. COUNT 0.5k
S. NOTES happy bday to my baby <//3 cant believe he’s growing up
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finishing high school is a bittersweet feeling.
realising that you’ll never be in the same school as all your friends anymore, that you won’t be seeing them five times a week when everyone moves on with their lives attending different colleges. safe to say it isn’t the happiest day in your eyes.
halls filled with students crying and hugging, some with markers in their hands as they write their goodbye messages on each other's t-shirts, their own covered in colourful messages.
everyone roaming the buildings one last time as a high school student before they leave to officially enter their adult stages. thankfully exams were over so the weight on your shoulders had lifted slightly, making sure to cherish the last few moments you had in this stage of life.
“guess what? i heard that kei is going to give hana his second button,” your friend gossiped, filling the whole group with gasps.
“poor guy, she’s definitely going to reject him.”
every year there would always be a select group of boys handing their crushes the second button of their uniform, a common confession practice at the end of high school year. there’s something sweet about it, giving the person you like the button closest to your heart instead of outright saying it.
it feels youthful, too shy to speak but brave enough to do something so bold in front of the whole school.
so after witnessing keis rejection live, your friends decided to go out to eat not being able to handle the second-hand embarrassment from their classmate. you didn’t make it too far out the school gates before someone called your name.
“yn!”
turning around to see someone running towards you, nishimura riki. everyone knew of riki for his dance skills always shown through the multiple stages and events he holds yearly, and maybe you’d spoken to him a few times but nothing enough to be considered friends.
you can hear your friends mumbling behind you as you walk towards him meeting him halfway, “hi riki, what’s up?”
there’s no denying riki is cute. from the mole adorning his face and his pouty lips, anyone could see he was blessed with looks alongside talent.
“erm—“ you could see him nervously fiddling as he reached for something from his pocket, “i just wanted to give you this.”
in his hands was a single gold button engraved with your school's cherry blossom design. you look up, scanning his uniform to see all his buttons intact except one.
the empty space where his second button once was stared back at you, as riki was starting to feel his adrenaline wear down and embarrassment start to crawl up his body when he noticed your friends a few feet away giggling and talking amongst themselves.
“you don’t have to take it. actually, this is stupid. i’m—“
before he could finish his sentence, you grabbed the button before his hands could close around it, clasping your own around the metal and pulling it closer to your own heart, “thank you riki, i'll text you?”
under different circumstances, you would’ve been worried how red the boy had gotten in the face as he aggressively nodded his head before running back the way he came. 
maybe this next step is sweeter than expected.
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perm taglist @mesopret @whoschr ​@haknom @shinsou-rii @redm4ri @lacimolela @llama-lyna @boyfhee @lazysmushi @flwoie @kocokookie @kyexvly @seongclb @dammit-jjk @flwrshee @produmads ​@teddywonss @aleiouvre @dneltrise @aleiouvre @nyxvrse @yohanabanana @whois-alexis @tinyegg @sserafimez @satsuri3su @yuemvi @chirokookie @idk-tbh777 @s00buwu @ynsvnte @isawritesss
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yutarot · 2 months
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PARADISE FOUND [n.jm]
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PART ONE.
wc: 7.1k
after your bestfriend, jeno, drags you to a party the night before the biggest day of the summer, you wake up too late to get there on time. but maybe the tide will wait for you - if the tide was in the form of a bleached blond surfer with a hatred for every little thing you do, and a connection that leads you back to eachother; again, and again and again.
TAGLIST - OPEN
WARNINGS: mention of alcohol/being drunk. mention of sex. depiction of near drowning/injury
DISCLAIMER: all events/portrayals of people are fake and from my imagination, in no way am i claiming that they act like this irl
PARADISE FOUND - M.LIST
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it has been 11 months since you have spoken to him. 11 months of avoiding every lingering attempt of eye contact he has tried to pursue on you. and each and every month has sunk you lower and lower into a state of shock at the initial moment he broke up with you. you were a mess to put it simply.
but summer was coming back around, you would be moved from life-guarding the indoor college pool to the beach and that meant for one thing and one thing only.
you would see him again. you would see yangyang again.
“yn? ynnnnn?” your best friend calls out for you around your dorm. “girl where the fuck are you?”
giselle has been there for you every step of the way during your first year of college, giving you the guidance but also the space you need, you respect her a lot more than you ever tell her. now that you're in your second year, it makes you wonder if you ever should.
“i’m here.” you laugh, grinning at her lousy attempt to find you, tucked away in the bathroom. she walks in, hands covering her eyes in terror as she realises she’s walked in on you ‘dropping the kids off at the pool’ as your brothers friend, mark, likes to call it.
“not a single warning???” the door slams behind her and you cant help but laugh, hearing the faint voice of your other roommate, julie, questioning if giselle is okay.
you love your friends, you really do, each day consumed with laughter and mindfulness. you wouldn’t trade the dynamic you guys share for the world, not even if it meant for you to be happier.
of course you have other friends too, your closest friend jeno, being your most notable, even amongst giselle and julie. but the comfort you feel with the girls allows for you to share your feelings in a different light, even if you are, at times, smothered by darkness.
you head to your morning class, julie at your side. although you’re both very different in personality; julie a sweeter and a quieter version of yourself, you both beam together in studies. being an english literature major meant you were able to put your thoughts into words, whilst she strived to put her words, unspoken, onto paper.
the sun was brighter than usual, an indication towards the beginning of summer.
“i cannot WAIT for this summer.” julie sneered sarcastically.
“come on, everyone seems to love the beach except you. we literally go to a uni, on the beach, surely you should have expected-“
“i came for jaehyun.”
fair enough. you couldn’t argue with that.
jaehyun was jenos cousin, you’d met him many times at jenos christmas parties, their strikingly similar sense of style overwhelmed you at first, but you soon became aware of julie’s little crush on jaehyun, watching as it bloomed into what now is their relationship.
she squealed at the thought of her boyfriend. “6 months on saturday!” holding your hand, she danced around you, you couldn’t help but laugh at her switch in attitude. “ yn im so happy you lead me to him.”
“urg don’t get cheesy on me now, we’re about to read shakespeare in class i dont need to hear it now before i even step foot in the lecture hall.”
huffing, she turns away from you, leading you into the hall. your first class of the summer.
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your phone buzzes in your pocket. again. again. again. your anger getting the better of you as you roll your eyes, digging into the pocket of your shorts to read the messages.
[jen] where are u?
[jen] will u reply pls
[jen] im bored
your anger subsides - albeit only slightly - at the sight of your bestfriends name as it flashes up on the screen.
[jen] i know you can see these
[jen] your probably watching them come through and laughing at me 😕😕😕😕
you try not to laugh to yourself, the library sounding empty yet being full of people working.
[yn] the library
[yn] dont come here ill meet u
[jen] beach bar?😁
[yn] beach bar.
packing up your things, you head down the library steps and wander your away across the sandy path to the beach. it isn’t a short walk, your entire college campus is practically on the beach itself, causing for horrible windy winters but the most beautiful place to be in summer. this only means that the winter break is extended, with the college staying open in summer to maximise its use of the beach.
you spot the familiar palm-tree umbrellas and the somehow constant reggae music from afar, squinting around the sofa’s for a hint of black hair until you spot him.
sitting down he looks across at you in wonder, brows furrowing.
“damn, didn’t think you’d really come to be honest”
you hold yourself back from slapping him clean in the face.
“what’s that supposed to mean.”
“yanno….” he looks around before leaning forward, somehow whispering yet shouting at the same time, “yangyang works over t h e r e.” he points with obnoxiously large movements towards the surf shop, using not only two hands but his entire body to point in the direction of your ex boyfriend.
you stare at jeno, unamused.
“i’m about to leave if you keep doing that.”
“noooooooooo stayyyyyy” his voice is monotone, sarcastic.
your’s and jenos teasing of one another was your favourite part about your friendship, knowing so much about eachother that you know exactly what makes the other person crack. but there’s also times where a serious tone can easily take over conversation, and you both can become mutual to each others moods quite quickly.
you bury yourself in the sofa, showing that you have no intent on leaving anytime soon which surprises jeno, eyebrows raised.
“i’ll have to get over him at some point.” you shrug, “why not now?”
he grins at that, nodding in pride.
“atta girl.”
you both talk for hours, talking about your assignments, your friend group and getting excited over plans you could make in the upcoming weeks. one of which jeno seems particularly passionate about.
“beach bonfires every night.” he chants and you look up at him in bewilderment.
“jeno you know i hateeeee parties.” you drag out your words so he understands you in definition.
he pulls out his phone, “well too bad, i already made a groupchat with everyone in it. you’re coming yn.”
your eyes tell jeno that your not entirely joking, you’ve never been a big partier, always opting to stay at home whenever the rest of the group invites you to go. but this time, jeno is going to make sure you have fun. this summer will be different.
“why don’t we have one tonight.” he exclaims. “ease you into it.”
your eyes go wide. “you CANNOT be serious. jeno i have work tomorrow and it’s my first beach shift this year. i need to be there for my training.”
“don’t worry, ill make sure you get there, just let loose a little. why not? it’s the start of summer.”
you’re skeptical. but he’s right; it’s the start of summer and there’s no better time to start than now. you can only wish that you’ll enjoy yourself as much as he says you will.
“okay fine. but you can’t leave me.”
“not at all, ill be by your side the entire time.”
you never believe him when he says that, always going off towards the end of the night with some girl wrapped around his arm. but this time, something in the sincerity of his words makes you trust what he’s saying. he’s giving you a chance. a chance to let go of yourself and everything that’s been bothering you for the past 11 months. a chance for you to set off this summer better than the last. a chance for you to find your own paradise.
after jeno rolls out a message to nearly every living organism within a 500 meter radius telling them of a bonfire that night, it dawns upon you that you shouldn’t feel so scared to hang out with your friends. you should feel like jeno, smile plastered on his face as he reads between the lines of his book titled ‘math for dummies.’ you’re not entirely sure how jeno got into college to study math in the first place, but how he got to keep his place after failing exam after exam is even more beyond you. but anyhow, he’s at peace with the events of tonight, no wavering wash of anxiety covers his expression quite like yours. jeno notices you sitting there, fingers wrapped around thumbs as you try not to think about the upcoming event. would you see yangyang? would he try and talk to you? what if he has another girlfriend already? i mean it’s been 11 months…
he says nothing of your lack of concentration. mind sucked into his book, probably going into shock at the moment the book starts adding letters.
you and jeno finish up your time at the beach bar as you walk back to your dorms. the boys dorm and the girls dorm at seperate sides of campus, you split with eachother early on. texting giselle, you see who’s home.
[yn] are you in
[yn] ???
[giselle 🫶] yes are u on ur way back?
[yn] yes pls let me in i forgot my key
[giselle🫶] give me a second
after waiting at the door for what seems like an hour, giselle finally lets you in, towel wrapped around her hair.
“how the hell do you forget your key??!” she mumbles between her toothbrush.
making your way to your room, you yell back across the hall in response. “i use a different bag everyday.” you shrug. you open your closet, scanning for an appropriate outfit for tonight when julie’s head pokes around the corner of the doorway.
“no way….” her eyes are wide and you motion for her to be quiet. jeno already made a big deal about you going so you can’t back out, giselle finding out that your going to your first party without yangyang will only cause for noise complains from your neighbours. “no WAY.” but julie continues, herself in shock. your shushing does nothing. “giselle get over here RIGHT NOW.”
you want to sink into the floor, perhaps end up at the dorm below where those people don’t know you. but giselle’s reaction is far different from anything you expect.
“you’re coming to jenos party????” she’s so quiet you feel the urge to throw something at her to get her to speak up. “yn you don’t have to go if it makes you uncomfortable. we know you don’t like par-“
“i want to go.”
no you don’t? you do a double take on your own words as they spill out of your mouth. but you were trying to prove something, not only to jeno and yangyang, but to yourself.
giselle, albeit it somewhat annoyingly, runs up to you with an arm full of different dresses, dresses you would never dream of wearing, all embroidered with flowers and different colours you didn’t even know should be in the same outfit together.
but when your eyes lands on one of the dresses, all of your criticism moves to the side. it was just perfect.
giselle can see you staring at it. “i’ve never worn it. my grandma made it for me.”
you look up at her. desperately trying to give it back. “i can’t wear it.”
“yes you can.” she smiles and you hesitantly take the dress back from her, holding it against your body in the mirror.
your nerves were now becoming excitement.
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you, giselle and julie get there well after the likes of everyone else. struggling to walk on the sand, you rip your eyes from your feet to look up. jeno was right, you needed this. the sun setting along the line of the ocean, the shadows caused from the bonfire in the middle of the sea of bodies, everyone in their respective friend groups - you felt comfort.
seeing you before you see him, jeno rushes over to you, ditching whatever people he was with prior to watching you walk over. jeno had many friends, yes, but you were his only close one.
“you came!” you scoff in annoyance at the shock in his words, despite telling him you were going to come.
“obviously.”
he pats you on the back leading both you and giselle to the once calm and serene beach bar, now dizzy with lights as well as the reggae music. you presume julie has run off with jaehyun, your theory confirmed when you notice them by the shore, hand in hand.
“let’s get you a drink.” jeno laughs, calling over the bartender and asking for three vodka lemons. you thank him.
giselle rolls her eyes and nods her head in direction of whoever is coming onto the bar decking behind you. you turn around, fear of seeing his face again filling you.
somehow, the actaul face of who was walking in behind you, annoys you even more.
“yn??” your older brother asks.
great.
“jisung..” you smile. laugh even.
“i’m going to kill you.” his eyes find jenos in mock anger as he proceeds to jokingly ready up his fist for a punch. you laugh at their childishness.
when your laughter comes to a halt, you notice the voice of another next to you.
you look up to mark, brows furrowed. “how long have you been standing there??”
he scratches the nape of his neck, “like forever dude.” you huff and giselle laughs. “what brings you here anyways? you never come to these.”
giselle answers mark for you. “she’s bored.”
that’s one way to put it.
“well im glad you are, its nice to have a fresh face around here sometimes. jeno and jisung can be a bit much after a couple drinks.” he teases, jenos face twisting into an exaggerated expression of shock.
after getting your drinks, you all go to sit on the sand, julie and jaehyun beckoning you over. you take your seat between jeno and julie. sat like this, with all your friends, watching the fire wither away in the wind, you feel comfort. you watch as giselle fights with jisung over the remainder of her drink, threatening to push him into the fire if he takes even the slightest sip. you can’t help but smile. jeno notices your ease, nudging you on your shoulder as he talks to you, quietly.
“i’m glad you came.” he smiles. “you’re the only friend i need.”
evidently, jenos words knock a sense of confidence into you. causing you to spend the rest of the night swallowing shot after shot, even indulging in marks beer when he came over after hearing you had tried to run into the sea, wanting to see it for himself now that your brother had gone home.
“you know…w.. i havent seeeen yangyang allllll night. what a loser..hiding….fromme.” you stumble over your words, your lack of experience in drinking causing you to have little control over anything your saying.
jeno, still surprisingly by your side, shares a look of amusement with mark. “i’m going to take her home soon.” he tells him, “keep an eye on her whilst i go grab my stuff?”
mark nods and jeno walks away, causing you, in your drunken state, confusion. “nooo jenooo. don’t leave me with him.” mark tries to quieten you down to try avoid any weird looks but ultimately fails when you blab about wanting him to leave you alone.
“yn, he’ll be back soon okay. just don’t go anywhere, he’ll kill m-“
“who’ll kill you?”
you recognise that voice.
turning around, you squint in the direction the voice came from. tan skin, a mess of dusty pink hair. dusty pink hair? that’s oddly specifi-
oh.
“why do you care?” mark replies, face screwing up in confusion.
“who are you?” the voice asks again.
“you gonna keep asking questions or are you gonna tell me what you want man”
the man’s eyes drift to yours.
yangyang’s eyes drift to yours.
slowly, you try to inch backwards, your only wish for this very moment being to find jeno. “i’m gonna… i’m gonna go….” you whisper, mark looking at you, utterly oblivious to the situation.
“but-“ mark protests but he’s yet again cut off by yangyang.
“if she wants to go, let her”, unaware the he’s the problem and not mark. but you can’t explain that to mark now, you’re already making your way down the beach to find jeno, stumbling in your tracks.
you can hear mark asking around for where you’ve gone, but your mind isn’t clear enough to realise you should go back to him.
you admit defeat, sitting down by yourself. it’s comical how quickly the night shifted once you became aware of yangyangs presence, only hours ago were you basking in the company of your friends. now you sit alone.
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the next morning, you find yourself on jenos floor.
jenos sitting on his bed, scrolling mindlessly through his phone until he hears you stir. “finally, you’re u- oh shit, that’s not pretty.”
it takes you a few moments to process his words, head feeling heavy and your eyes adjusting to the light of jenos room. he throws you a hoodie, nodding at you to put it on. your brows furrow in question. it’s not cold.
you look down at your dress, no, giselle’s dress, covered in a layer of bright vivid orange.
remnants of last night.
shit.
“no no no no..” you ramble, jumping to your feet to make your way to jenos bathroom, his roommate chenle, giving you a look of disgust as you bolt past him.
“you okay, yn?” jeno calls out, a mix of worry and amusement lacing his tone. this was not a time for amusement. “just change into the hoodie and i can walk you to your dorm in time for work.”
work?
your heart drops in your chest.
you were truly and utterly fucked.
the walk to your dorm resembled more to that of a sprint, jeno struggling to keep up with your pace.
“how the hell do you walk so fast.” he pants, “i literally cannot feel my legs.”
you feign sympathy at him before speeding up even more. you have to get to work this morning, you couldn’t lose the chance to uptake a lifeguard position at the beach. the pool has been anything but miserable.
after thanking jeno for his, in his terms, ‘chivalry’, you quickly rush to find your uniform. you pick up the red tankini, throwing on some shorts and a cap to keep yourself covered on your way to the beach. luckily, you find giselle asleep on her bed, throwing the dress in your laundry basket to wash when you get back. julie is nowhere to be seen, most likely having stayed round jaehyuns for the night.
brushing your teeth and drenching yourself in julie’s perfume as a desperate attempt to smell atleast a little less of puke, you bolt out the door.
it has been 10 minutes since training started.
when you get to the beach, it has been 18 minutes.
when you put your stuff in your locker and clock in, it has been 20 minutes.
the moment you get to the group in training, it has been 33.
you plead with the instructor - who’s name was johnny according to his badge reading ‘ncu senior. johnny suh’ - in hopes that he’ll let you stay.
“nope. no can do.” he doesn’t even look at you, too busy watching the 9 other lifeguards in training, swimming out to various buoys out in the water.
“but please i can stay behind after so i can-“
“i said no. it’s not in my paycheck to accommodate extra time for those who are late. if you miss the beach briefing, then you’re at the pool. it’s the same every year.” he shrugs, pulling his cap up to push his hair back before placing it back on his head. “not my problem.”
you couldn’t believe it, you were going to kill lee jeno if it was the last thing you do. you can’t even remember last night, and now its still haunting you into the next day. you cannot imagine it getting any worse.
that was until you hear a scream from one of the lifeguards in the distance.
you look over to johnny, expecting him to leap from his high-chair on the sand and run into the water, but he’s gone, chatting up some woman on the other side of the sunbeds.
a child next to you begins talking to you. no, yelling at you.
“hey! you’re a lifeguard too! help, my sisters hurt!”
the other lifeguards are too far to hear the scream. you curse johnny for not making them go by groups, and you curse yourself for not wearing a tshirt over your bright red tankini top, spelling out the words ‘lifeguard’ in bold white capitals.
after assessing the situation, you figure that you have no choice but to run into the water, swimming after the waving arm of one of the trainee lifeguards about 20 meters from the shore, a red lifeguard float from johnnys chair in your hand. unaware of if she was just out of her depth or in pain, you push the float under her arms, dragging her with you back to the sand.
she’s limping, so you attempt to hold her weight with the side of your body as you pull her from the final stretch of water and onto the sand. as you place her to sit down, she thanks you and you offer her a fresh towel from johnnys bench, asking her if she’s okay. johnny eventually comes running over at the sight of your situation.
“it’s a sprained ankle.” you tell him, “must have got her foot caught on a rock under the water.”
he nods before calling over two other trainees to take her to the first aid hut, the girls’ brother helplessly following behind her in tears.
johnny stands with you, arms crossed as he finally looks at you. “i suppose we’re a lifeguard short now.”
you try to hold back your smile, realising what this means.
“you’ll need to do the training so i’ll make one of the stronger swimmers of the lifeguard trainees today give you your induction. think yourself lucky.” and with that, he walks off. you could cry at the amount of luck you were feeling in this moment; finally something today had gone right. “well don’t just stand there, come with me.”
you quickly run after him. “right, sorry.”
johnny laughs to himself in response, but he’s quick to try and hide it. you make a note to yourself that you must somehow be on the seniors good side.
when you reach the steps to the closest lifeguard tower, johnny brings you to the desk where he hands you a form.
“sign here and here, i’ll go grab him. he should be up in 10.”
he?
all sorts of names rush through your head. you couldn’t exactly see the faces of which lifeguards were training as they were out in the water, but you weren’t friends with any of the male lifeguards from the pool.
you sit in johnnys chair, silently observing the view out onto the beach, spreading for miles and miles, white sand meets turquoise water, occupying a plethora of - mainly ncu students - but some families too. the college spreads itself on the other side, almost parallel to the stretch of the beach. you wouldn’t wish you were anywhere else.
a knock at the tower door wakes you from your daydream.
you stand up. “come in.”
expecting someone familiar to walk through the door, you’re surprised to find yourself face to face with a man you have never seen before in your entire year at the job.
although you didn’t get into beach guarding last year, everyone had to guard a pool in the winter, switching posts multiple times a day and meaning you’d met everyone in the job. but this man was entirely unknown to you. and if you were being perfectly honest, he did not have a face that you would forget easily. you had to admit, his bleached hair made you a little awestricken. you’d never seen someone suit such a bold style before.
anyhow, you don’t understand how he’s already qualified for the specialised training, general training is multiple weeks and today is the first day of the semester.
he notices your confusion, but says nothing to ease your mind.
“im jaemin. hi.” he walks past you.
past you.
it’s as if you weren’t even there. he sits down, putting his feet up on the desk.
“um… yn.” you reply with a nod. “so uh, you’re training me?”
“i think so, that johnny guy didn’t say much, said something about me being able to surf means i can swim.”
a surfer? great. so not only do you have the new guy doing your induction, but even he doesn’t know what he’s doing.
after asking him what’s first on the list that johnny handed him with the form, he takes you out onto the beach with a stopwatch and johnnys clipboard, reading off the first tick box.
“the first one is..” he says whilst scanning his eyes across the page in attempts to find the first requirement. “ah right, a swim to the 25 meter buoy in 50 seconds.”
you look at him in shock, he’s starting with the short distance one?
“are you messing with me.” you ask, “i’m doing the 25 meter first?”
“yup.” he laughs, “unless… you don’t want to be a lifeguard anymore.”
unbelievable. actually fucking unbelievable; not only is this newbie doing your induction, but now he’s threatening you. you were wrong, your day could and definitely did get worse.
throwing a middle finger in his direction up on the lifeguard chair, which earns you a laugh from him in response, you run into the water, diving once it reaches your thighs. you get flashbacks of the save you just did, imagining that the buoy infront of you is actually a person yelling for your help (morbid, but it works.) your arms ache, your legs ache, your body aches but you keep going, lapping around the buoy until you find your way back onto the shore.
you’re panting as you make your way back to jaemin, who climbs down the chair, pencil in his mouth as he tries not to fall.
he walks over to you. “43 seconds. not bad.”
not bad????
you wish you could punch him. one day you will.
“whatever, barbie.” you sneer back passively, his face contorting into an expression of shock, mouth hung wide open. but you can tell he’s trying not to let out a laugh.
you go through each tick box, continuing with the 200 meter swim and then the 200 meter beach run which, indoubtedly, makes you feel a little stupid. but you pass all the tests with ease, much to jaemins surprise.
if it wasn’t for the fact that he was new and annoyingly arrogant, you would probably have been friends with him, he seems funny enough.
as jaemin was ticking off the final box, johnny returns.
“how’d she do?” he turns to jaemin, who’s smug face tells you everything you need to know. he’s about to lie.
“i passed.” you butt in; you were on johnnys good side already, a joke about failing would have immediately ruined that. jaemin squints in your direction and you can only smile back in arrogance.
johnny pats you on the back, “good job. you guys are both done for the day, check your emails in the next few hours for your schedule.” he turns to walk away before stopping himself and turning back around, “and, thanks jaemin. i owe you one. ” he turns for real this time, back slowly shrinking as he walks up towards ncu.
“well, i better be off then.” jaemin quickly remarks, giving you little to no time to tell him a quick “bye” before he, too, is walking back to campus.
you wonder to yourself if you’ll ever see him again, and if, for some reason, you would even mind his company.
but you brush off that thought as quickly as it came.
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when you get back to the dorm. giselle is waiting.
“hey yn.” she smiles.
suspicious, she never says hey when you get in.
oh.
the dress.
“look, giselle, im so sorry.. i woke up at jenos and by the time i got back it was already 10am and then i-“
“i bought you some more!” she squeals. now, you are really confused.
your brow flips in confusion, “but i ruined your dress..”
“exactly! i got some more for you.”
you actually couldn’t believe your ears, unable to think of what to say.
until you realise exactly why she’s not mad.
because its an excuse for her to buy you dresses. dresses to go to parties wearing; parties that you will NOT be partaking in.
“oh i don’t think so.” you shake your head, giselle running up to you excitedly. “i’ve barely even recovered from last night, and today wasn't exactly relaxing either.”
“oh come on yn, it’s not gonna a big one like last night, we’re just going round jaehyuns frat for a few hours. you don’t have to drink!”
it sounds appealing, it really does. despite the fact that you can’t remember much about last night, you do remember enjoying yourself. but the idea of spending hours if not the entire rest of the night socialising after swimming and running down a beach all day in the sun, removed any sort of energy you had remaining.
“please yn, just one night.” she’s nearly sobbing at this point.
after multiple attempts at begging you to go throughout the evening, giselle and julie finally convince you to come. if anything just to reduce their insistent pressure on you to change your mind. it got so bad to the point where, as you were trying to make your dinner, giselle kept turning the oven off whenever you weren’t looking. you nearly slapped her out of irritation.
giselle gives you one of the dresses to wear, and the three of you make your way to the frat that jaehyun was in.
you aren’t familiar with many of jaehyuns friends, let alone any of them in his frat, so you were relying on both the girls, and jeno, being jaehyuns cousin, to keep you company.
as you arrive, you’re shocked to discover how loud the music blares from the outside, booming along the sand which surrounds the path that stretches to the front of the house.
jeno greets you at the door. nodding at both giselle and julie in acknowledgment, his face yet again contorts into shock when he notices you with them.
“why didn’t you tell me you were coming!” he yells over the music, leaning into you so you can hear him.
you follow him deeper into the crowd of people. ‘it’s not a big one like last night’ my ass. if anything, there was more people.
“i didn’t even know i was coming myself until an hour ago.” you reply, jeno squeezing your arm in response to let you know you’re safe.
“well you can rest assured that yangyang isn't here tonight. he won’t try and confront you again.”
what?
oh.
you remember now.
you remember everything: trying to run into the ocean, yangyang coming up to you with a clueless mark by your side, walking off alone.. jeno must have found you after that.
“oh shit, i totally forgot that even happened.” you laugh, jenos face responding with a look of concern.
“really? you were that drunk?”
“i guess so.” you laugh again, even though deep down, you’re panicking. “did you fill mark in? i feel bad he didn’t know who yangyang was and i sort of just ran away.”
jeno, for some reason, finds this hilarious, hanging his head back as he tries not to spill his drink from laughing too much. “yes,” he slows his laughter but it’s still continuing as he talks. “he got so worried thinking that you hated him.”
“oh my god…” you’re embarrassed to say the least, but atleast jeno had explained to him who yangyang was.
you look around for giselle, wondering where she’d ran off too before jeno snaps you out of it. “i think she went off with chenle.” chenle? you’re not one to judge when it comes to your bestfriends taste in men, but you’ve heard giselle talk about how much she hates that man, so you can only say you’re surprised. but you brush it off.
leaving yours and jenos own little bubble, you continue to look around the room, the lack of familiar faces causing you to feel a little uneasy. you see julie and jaehyun in the corner, like usual, but you don’t want to interfere with whatever they seem to be doing. jeno can tell you feel uncomfortable, taking your arm and leading you to another area of the house, still packed with people.
“i want you to meet someone.” he says. you can tell he’s been thinking about introducing you to this mysterious someone ever since you started talking, his mind seemingly a little less focused than usual.
but when you realise who the someone is that he is referring to, you start to wish that you had just listened to your gut and stayed at home.
“this is yn.” jeno starts, pointing at you, unmoving in your stance.
“hi.” the someone replies
his hand goes out to shake yours.
“i’m jaemin.”
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you want to sink into the floor and never come back to reality.
your mind whirls with confusion and horror as you look at the person infront of you, no longer in his white tank and red shorts, hair no longer a blond mess of sand and sea salt, his hand extended towards you and a knowing smirk cascading across his lips.
he was having so much fun.
“ouch,” he sucks in a breath, feigning pain, “haven’t even known you 30 seconds and already been rejected.” he says, the irony in his words making you want to run out of the party and go back home. he’s pretending not to know you.
you turn to jeno, hoping he would see your distaste in his friend, but he’s laughing.
the one person you would hope to be of comfort to you. and he’s laughing.
you give in, shaking his hand and faking a smile which you know he picks up on. “nice to meet you.” you say. words feeling sour and dry in your mouth.
his grin widens.
jeno pats his hand on both your backs. “jaemin’s just moved here from LA, i went to school with him before he left.”
so that’s the mysterious best friend from jenos childhood, the bestfriend who jeno constantly speaks about, wishing he could meet him again. and here he is, the very same man who has taunted your mind since you left the beach earlier today.
“LA?” you give him a look of shock, this time a real one. no wonder you hadn’t seen his face before, he was in an entirely different country. “i’m guessing you got your lifeguard qualification over there then.” you ask out of both genuine curiosity and stupidity; revealing to jeno that you’d met him at the lifeguard training earlier today.
jeno looks surprised, turning to jaemin. “you didn’t tell me you were applying to that.”
jaemin shrugs. “might as well, need the money.”
“yeah especially after you spent it all on-“ jenos words are interrupted, jaemin holding a hand over his mouth to shut him up and leading them both into a fit of laughter.
you stay stood there, unsure of what to do but to look at your feet. you would never believe you could feel left out in jeno’s presence, he always made sure you were okay.
but he isn’t right now.
jeno and jaemin are still laughing about something you don’t understand and you consider turning around and trying to find julie. but you figure you would rather third wheel two old bestfriends than a overly-affectionate couple, so you stay.
“…and then she told me she faked the entire thing!” jaemin says, jeno laughing and slapping the former on the shoulder repeatedly as they both share memories and jokes that you don’t feel you should be part of.
you feel awkward.
“i’m gonna go.” you say, too quiet for either of them to understand but loud enough for them to hear you.
“what?” it’s jeno that leans down to hear what you have to say, but jaemin speaks up before you can repeat yourself.
“she wants to leave.” he says to jeno.
he didn’t hear what you had said, but considering he’s been watching you in his peripheral for the past 5 minutes, he figures from your awkwardness you wouldn’t want to stay much longer.
jeno raises an eyebrow at jaemins words. “but why?” he asks you. you don’t want to have to explain to him that you feel left out, so you tell him you’re not feeling too well.
walking you to the door, jaemin behind you, jeno holds your shoulders before fixing a stray hair at the top of your head. “are you sure you’re okay to walk home by yourself?”
you nod but he doesn’t believe you, you’ve never liked walking in the dark.
“yo jeno.” jaehyun calls to him from the living room, “someone called big papi ‘pink heart emoji, winking emoji’ is calling you!”
jeno rolls his eyes before yelling, “DON’T ANSWER THAT ITS HAECHAN.” panicking, he asks jaemin to make sure you get home safely before running off in jaehyuns direction.
you begin walking through the door and out to the porch, there is no way in hell you were about to let jaemin walk you home. you know jeno has had a few drinks, but he must really trust jaemin if he can run off and leave you with him.
but that doesn’t mean you have to.
after walking for around 30 seconds, you feel a presence behind you. turning, you see jaemin trailing behind you, falling beside you once you slow down to face him.
“what?” he asks, “jeno asked me to, i can’t just leave you.”
you roll your eyes. “i’m fine to walk by myself, just have a headache, that’s all.”
“so it has nothing to do with you standing in that party desperate to leave the moment you saw me.”
his words render you speechless. not because anything he had said shocked you, but because he’s completely and utterly right.
he continues. “you and jeno seem close.”
“he’s my bestfriend.” you say, and he looks at you from the corner of his eye.
“have you guys ever…” he’s smirking and it takes you a few moments to realise what he’s implying.
“no! god, no, absolutely not!” you retort, and he laughs.
“i met with him the day after i came back, would not shut up about you. would never have guessed the rude girl i had to induct at the beach was the girl he spoke so sweetly about.”
you were taken aback, not only did he just straight up insult you, but him bringing up jeno made a part of your chest sting. jeno had met with him days ago and hadn’t told you about him until today?
jeno never hid anything from you, and it makes you wonder why he had held off telling you about jaemin.
jaemin isn’t alarmed by your silence, only continuing to talk to you. but the next question he asks you pulls you from your thoughts.
“you don’t like me, do you?”
you look up at him, unsure of what to say, attempting not to fall over your feet as you try to match his walking pace.
“ive only just met you.” you respond.
“and yet you don’t like me. i’m not an idiot, yn, i see the way you look at everyone else compared to the way you look at me.”
you feel caught. in all honesty, you haven’t thought about it. you haven’t known jaemin long enough to form an opinion on him. but after tonight, you fear that he may be right.
you hate the fact that jaemin can read you so well. ever since you arrived at the party, he’s been able to pick up every little part of you that seems even the tiniest bit out of place and you hate it. you’ve never felt this seen.
“i don’t hate you.” you tell jaemin and he sighs. he smiles in annoyance, tongue poking the inside of his cheek in attempt to stop himself from saying something he’d regret.
“but you don’t like me.” he instead replies.
“i don’t know you.”
you’re starting to get a little angry, going round and round in circles. but his reaction to your words differ from yours.
“so get to know me then.”
this time, you stop walking.
when he notices that you’ve stopped, he asks you again. “get to know me.”
your eyes, originally dropped to the floor, look up to his and you sigh. “i don’t think im going to have a choice.”
his head cocks to the side and you remind him of jeno and his crippling party addiction, jaemin laughs.
as you begin to walk again, you wonder why you have these feelings of hate towards a man you met today but nothing rational in your mind confirms it.
when you get to the outside of your dorm building, you turn to jaemin. “thank you for walking me back.”
“get some sleep.” he nods to you as you give him a small smile, his hands in his pockets. “and yn,” you turn quickly to face him, “for the record, i don’t like you either.” he pauses. “goodnight.”
what a way to end your night.
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(a/n: tysm for reading the first part!! i’ve had so much fun writing this and i appreciate every single one of you who interact with and enjoy the stuff i write as much as i enjoy writing it. part two will be out soon ♡)
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beecanons · 10 months
Note
idk if you’ve done this already but how the mlp characters would react to reader having a panic attack?
have no mlp hc so far! going with main six from fsim
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Twilight Sparkle when the reader has a panic attack
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a bit taken ack at first she's used to being the one having panic attacks due to stress not used to seeing others panic too much
thankfully though, because of this, she knows plenty of tips to help she'll make a mental list of things to try help you calm down
starts with breathing and counting getting your breathing on track is a top priority and counting is a pretty useful trick could be counting your breathing or taking deep breaths while counting anything else
if your thoughts are a mess and spiraling she'll try helping you rationalize giving reason to irratic thoughts can also help someone relax reassurance is one of the best ways to ease worries
if you want a hug afterwards, she'd be more than happy to give you one with a wing over you too
she'll ask if theres anything she can do to help you feel safe and tries not to overwhelm you with anything
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Rarity when the reader has a panic attack
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she's very quick to try and console you
she'll see you start to panic and take you aside to help you get a hang of your breathing if youre anywhere near a crowd, loud space or other ponies in general she'll take you aside to the closest spot thats quieter or offer to go on a walk with you so that you arent overwhelmed and find it easier to calm down and focus on breathing
she'll offer words of affirmation and something textured you like if you need it
rarity will gladly set things aside to help you relax possibly even close the boutique early and either take you on a spa day or style your mane while giving you some affirmation and reassurance
she'll attempt at quelling your irrational thoughts and/or doubts by reasoning with them and attempting a bit of humor pinkie may have rubbed off on her a bit, she picked up more of the "cheer up through a laugh" approach because of pinkie
you will get a lot of her big sister side she more than likely helped sweetiebelle out with her own panics especially before the cutie mark crusaters so she would probably default to her gentle older sister tone ever now and then while consoling you
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Pinkie Pie when the reader has a panic attack
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at first will just tell you "hey its okay" and possibly say something on accident that might make your panic worse depending what you panic over she's not the best at reading people or 'reading the room' when it comes to things outside her usual domain of expertise
if it persists (and it likely will), she'll be unsure what to do and feel bad until she gets an idea
might give you either a paper bag or more probable a balloon to help you focus your breathing somewhere you might end up just making balloons with her if this trick really helps you
pinkie will try and distract you from the scary thoughts anyway she can she'll find a way to make you laugh, make faces or tell jokes she'll ask you about your interests she'll offer to tell you about her day, about gummy or share a silly story or even ask you about your day to recount how it went before the panic attack
she'll offer to let you hold gummy if he's close by and if you think that might help
if you have any comfort food or like sweets and eating might help in any way you better expect pinkie to be getting you some snacks
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Rainbow Dash when the reader has a panic attack
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rainbow will bring you a cloud, or multiple if youre a pegasus, she'll either get you to fly around, through or up to clouds with her or bring the fluffiest one she ca find over to you if you cant or dont want to fly if youre a unicorn and youre able to, you could use twilight's spell for walking on clouds and get to play with a cloud she brings over if not she can just bring you enough clouds to give you a cool mist
she might try creating a small cool breaze for you with her wings she's not sure if it'll help or anything but she'll try
she'll try distracting you by showing off some tricks maybe even attempt another sonic rainboom just for you
early seasons dash would have brushed it off, told you everythings fine, that youre overthinking and need to just "be cool" but later seasons dash does less of that and would be a little more compassionate she'll try hard to come up with things that might help but she'll still argue that some of your thoughts are just you overthinking
pretty quick to be realistic about a situation if youre panicked over a test or an event she'll tell you you'll do fine and you'll breaze past it, even tell you the jist of what you'll expect so youre prepared on top of being realistic she can be really reassuring if she tries
she knows what its like to panic over a crowd or competition she can have some pretty good tips that she's learned instead of stalling and avoiding like using your imagination to make things less scary and intimidating
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Apple Jack when the reader has a panic attack
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aj is the most likely to offer to just talk things through, aside from fluttershy she'll help you face what's causing you to panic and listen to you get it off your chest she knows talking about your thoughts out loud can help you see how irrational they might be and make it easier to disprove them
aj will give you reassurance and reasoning but also any advice you might need now or for future panic attacks
she'll get you to count something like "how many apples is a bushel?....and how many can fit in a pie?" while youre taking some deep breaths
if taking a walk or stretching your legs helps she'll offer to walk it out with you, maybe while you talk or she'll offer to go for a run around the orchard with you to help get the panic energy out
will get you a cold glass of apple juice if you'd like
might even give you her hat untill you feel better
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Fluttershy when the reader has a panic attack
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she will ask any animals of your preference if theyre okay with you petting them especially if petting something soft helps you relax
if you'd like she can ask birds to sing a song and you two can just sit quietly and listen
fluttershy will gladly offer hugs and forehead bonks
she's an amazing listener and her soft and quiet approach can be really comforting
she knows what its like to be overwhelmed and often has panic attacks herself especially related to social anxiety she she'll offer to try any of the tricks and things that normally help her
she will try to offer reassurance and reasoning after listening to you however shes much better at offering reassurance than reasoning
if counting helps she'll get you to count critters with her taking deep breaths and counting all the critters around the area or her place or even just count breaths alongside you
she knows the best quiet spots to relax and get way from stressors around ponyville she'll take you to the closest one if youre okay with walking she'll even tell you all about the animals and plants around that spot
if you need a distraction she's got tonnes of animal facts to share
theres a small chance to get early seasons fluttershy to sing or just humm if that might help later seasons fluttershy is more confident and will even sing alongside birds if you ask for music
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this turned out to be a pretty long post!
i hope these headcanons are alright!
reminder to check out my pinned post for my byf/dni and wills/wonts before sending a request!
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rodolfoparras · 6 months
Note
So in SSKTJL, the suicide squad gets infected with Fear Gas because of Batman
For context, Fear Gas is a gas created by Scarecrow or Johnathan Crane, and when inhaled, you live through your worst fears until worn off.
And Digger's worst fear is everyone leaving him behind, being unwanted and forgotten. In the scene, George talks to himself, saying they've probably already left him. Calling himself a loser and and a coward and shit. He sees "NOT WANTED" posters of himself hung up around
(I can't do this anymore, bro)
What if Reader's worst fear was watching all of his friends/teammates die and losing them all🥰
Running around trying to listen to Harley's advice (because she knows Scarecrow and the toxin) but he just keeps hearing his friends scream for help and their bodies everywhere but he's literally unable to help them, because they're not fucking real but it's scary asf
And once it's all over, Reader is all over Digger the rest of the night. They're the closest, so it's already not that weird, but he's literally not giving Digger a MOMENT of peace. a hand on that man the entire time, following him everywhere, fucking sleeps on top of him to try and keep him safe
Mumbles to him all night about being scared of losing him and how much he cares about him and Digger's just "🧍‍♂️wut?" Because he genuinely believes that despite working with the team, he's very easily disposable and they could all replace him but don't because of Waller
Reader ramping up his affection for Digger after that because he's not gonna let him think that shit??
Idk where I'm going with this but I love him so much. Just wanna play with his hair and kiss his face 😞
-🐧
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Cw: tooth rotting fluff, x male reader
Okay but thinking about you being unable to calm down even though the gas has long stopped having effect, even though you’re back in your current reality with all your friends where they’re all very much alive and doing well but no matter what they say or do you just can’t calm down
It’s like you’re still stuck in that place, watching all your friends die in front of you without being able to do anything, and Digger being Digger starts joking around, telling the rest of the team how they should just knock you out to make sure you get to sleep through the night.
But his words turn into squeaks as you pull him into a bruising grip, his head shoved into your chest, and your arms locked in an iron grip around his waist.
Unintelligible sounds escape his lips as he tries to push you away from him but you don’t budge an inch, if anything you hold him tighter, nuzzling your face into his honey blonde locks and inhaling his scent, and for once you actually seem to relax.
“Uh hello big guy? cant breathe here,” the sound of Digger’s strained voice sends the whole squad into fits of laughter, with them even making comments about how you’re his responsibility for the night before splitting up to get some rest.
“Alright alright that’s enough” digger says as he finally breaks out of your embrace “jeez I know I’m a lovable guy but even that was a bit too much eh?” Digger says, clearly being sarcastic as he proceeds to prepare his make shift bed.
He doesn’t even get to lay down properly before you’re on top of him, your body weight pinning him in place an arm once again locked around his waist.
“God dammit,” Digger grunts out as his back meets the harsh impact of the ground. “What’s with you tonight eh? Gas scared you that bad? What did you even see?”
And maybe it’s the hint of concern in his voice or it’s the exhaustion from todays events, but you decide to tell you him what you saw earlier today.
Surprisingly enough, Digger listens intently to every word you have to say, at some point you think he’s fallen asleep or spaced out because it’s so unusual for him to not interrupt but when you look up, you see the very much focused look on his face as he continues to listen to you.
Once you’re done speaking you peer up at him - only to be met with the sight of his furrowed brows as he worries his bottom lip.
This time it’s your turn to ask what’s on his mind, digger doesn’t waste a second before he starts to explain, telling you how he can understand why you’d be worried about losing king shark- he was a great asset to the team - or Harley - she was a smart cookie or dead shot - look at his name! who wouldn’t want a guy like that on his team ? but he can’t understand why you’d be worried about losing him.
He doesn’t say it in a self deprecating way, but rather as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, as if he’s speaking of the way the sun is bound to rise tomorrow and maybe that hurts more than if he were to say it in a self deprecating tone.
You’re swift to rise up, knocking the air out of his lungs as you go on a tangent about how of course he’s an important part of the team, promptly mentioning the many times he’s saved your ass or saved another member of the team, the many times he’d been the reason as to why they succeeded in whatever mission you were doing.
By the time you’re done you’re all out of breath, chest rising and falling at a rapid pace hands still hanging in the air and staring wide eyed at the Aussie man.
“Alright alright big guy I get it,” he says, now sporting a blush on his face and avoiding your gaze while bashfully rubbing at the back of his neck. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you have a crush on the ol’ captain” Digger say with somewhat of a forced chuckle , and peers up at you beneath soft blonde lashes.
“Maybe I do,” you shrug.
“Wha-“
“Sleep digger, we have a long day tomorrow no?” You say, suddenly laying down again and pulling him into your arms before he can protest. You can hear him cursing under his breath but he doesn’t do anything to try and get out of your embrace. “Goodnight captain” you say with a smile on your face.
“Goodnight” he grumbles back as he tightens his hold on your waist.
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landolovef · 4 months
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Going home - lando norris
Summary: Many months had went into planning this trip. From the timing, the days and the activities to scheduling down who your going to introduce to your boyfriend and at what time and day. You hed spent everyday making sure that this was going to go perfectly just for everything to change last minute
Warnings: swearing
As a Canadian i felt it was right to use canada as the country. Plus fc is canadian as well!!
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Over the last months after moving in with lando although everything had gone perfect its began to feel lonely. The constant change happening has been feeling like to much recently so you decided to plan a trip for yourself and lando to go back to your home in canada. To reunite with your loved ones and friends.
Yes Lando knows about the trip and everything that is planned for the two of you yet he does not possess the same excitement that has been slowly creeping inside of you. Infact Lando is dreading this trip and everything about it. Including going to canada, meeting new people and just everything. He thought that it was made clear by his reactions to your plans that he did not want to accompany you on this trip. every time you mention it his face drops and he groans.
You know about how much lando doesnt want to go on this trip with you but you cant figure out why. You want to share your life with him. You want to share where you came from your friends your family and everything in between. Yet he just doesn’t seem on board for reasons you and him are not even sure about.
Finally approaching the final days before the trip you decide to sit down with Lando and have a conversation with him about him refusing to come with you. Althought the conversation beging peaceful you never expected for it to come to this.
“Lando please just tell me why you cant come with me ive spent months planning this for us me and you not me alone” you plead with him hoping hell understand how important this is for you.
“Ive made plans plus canada is a shit country anyway I’ve seen it before i don’t need to see it again” lando states out of anger leaving you confused.
“Oh… im going to leave don’t follow me dont text me just not until i get back at least” it hurt, it hurt you to hear lando say your country isnt worth visiting, it hurts to hear hes disregarded every plan you had made for the two of you just to make his own. It hurt knowing he didn’t care enough to do something he knew you were so excited about even if he didn’t want to. Everything about him doing this hurt.
Lando knew he fucked up the moment he saw you leave with your suit case. He didn’t mean to hurt you he just had other things he wanted to do during his summer break and that doesn’t include spending it in canada. He made
Plans about a week ago to go golfing with Carlos and his father, he made plans to stream with max, he made plans to stream with filly,
And he had stuff he wanted to do with quadrant he didn’t see the big deal.
2 days later you made it to the airport alone. You had an uber drop you off. In the uber you have came to the conclusion that you don’t need lando to enjoy spending time with your family and friends so you had blocked his number. Although you and all of your friends knew that this was only temporary until you get back to Monaco. You thought it was best you and Lando have some space as he truly did hurt you with every action and every word he had said and done.
Making it to canada your first stop off the plane is to grab a coffee from Tim hortons as it was closest to the airport.
Lando at home had been busy all these plans he made have finally caught up to him and he’s realizing now that he not getting the break he had thought he would during the summer. He missed you, he missed waking up with you he missed your voice, your smile just everything about you. You had been radio silent for days and lando doesn’t understand why so he decided to be the first to reach out
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It’s not till he’s speaking with max does he notice that he’s been blocked. Max made him realize a lot that day including why you had been so upset about what he said and his choices to set up his own plans when you had spent months planning something for the both of you.
He feels guilty. He knows he messed up and he knows he has to make up for it. It doesn’t help when he sees your instagram post about how much you had missed home and your friends. So he spends the next day setting everything up. He messages your parents to see when would be a good time to stop by, he books a flight, and finally packs everything he needed from the list you had sent him a while ago.
YourUsername . Just posted
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Liked by: Landonorris, carlossainz55, yourfriend1, username8 and 763 others
YourUsername: canada i missed you couldnt be more glad to be back
Yourfriend1: so only missed the country then?
-YourUsername you would be correct
LandoNorris: miss you baby
- username4 hes not with her?
Username48: shes stunning
-YourUsername: all you
Finally he knocks. You’re confused and so are your friends. No one else was coming over so who was knocking? You paused the movie which happened to be your and landos favourite movie to watch together the hangover.
As you swing the door open your met with the piercing eyes of Lando which makes you feel so many different things. He’s here.
He’s actually here you don’t believe it so you do what you see in movies and punch him in the arm but not hard enough to hurt him.
“Ouch babe what the hell” Lando exclaims even though you both knew it didn’t hurt.
“Sorry had to make sure you were real plus you deserve that” he knows he does, he really does deserve that and so much more. So as he pulls you into the tightest hug ever he whispers.
“I know i know im so sorry i fucked everything up, i fucked up this trip you’ve been planning for months and in the process i hurt you im so sorry you have no idea” he continues to go on and on so you pull him into a deep heart felt kiss that he knew meant you appreciated him coming.
Although you knew he still had to work to be forgiven in the moment all you cared was that despite not wanting to he had come all this way.
Authur:
Thankyou to everyone who reached out last post and to everyone who engaged means alot!!
Also i messed up the text messaages nooo just know their meant to be from lando to y/n
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sudokufag · 2 months
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Mmm it's something I've always wanted a chance to talk about but have never gotten a real chance to online or in real life but since it's disability pride month and all
I wanna give a huge shoutout to people with phobias. (long post ahead)
I feel like phobias aren't talked about nearly as much as they should be in mental health spaces. We talk a lot about people's triggers related to traumatic events, but we don't really cover what it's like to have a trigger from a phobia.
Phobias can come from trauma, but just as many times that happen for no reason at all. Sometimes a slightly uncomfortable, embarrassing or spooky one time occurance buries itself into your mind for no reason at all and it just stays there because the human mind is funny and often slips up.
There's not really a community for phobias, if you look up your phobia online you will be flooded with really triggering images, you can't search any tags online because those tags exist to censor triggers, not to form a community. (not to say that those tags aren't important ofc they are) The closest I've seen is the tag "actual phobia" in Tumblr but this seems small and drowned out by fandom posts somehow.
Phobias are hard and exhausting. They effect you in ways that people wouldn't expect and you cant really explain. They can be humiliating to have: kids in middle school intentionally would trigger my phobia because they didn't understand the severity until I fainted onto the floor. I'm an adult by my mom has to hold my hand and head at the doctors office so I don't break down like a child, the worst was when I had to get my covid shot and confused children and judgemental elderly people alike stared at me in the midst of my meltdown.
Phobias are very isolating. That new movie everyone raves about has triggering subjects right on the poster and no one really thinks to tag it while it's trending. That video game looks right up my alley, but oh, it triggers my phobia and theres no way to censor it in the settings. You try to tell friends and family about your issues as they halfway pay attention as they file your fears under the same urgency "needs to ask their partner to kill the spider". If you've got an uncommon or silly sounding phobia, you will straight up get laughed at for expressing your fear, even in what should be really progressive and accepting places.
It's hard to really describe a meltdown to someone who's never had them. Phobias often make people cry and scream and kick involuntarily, we can vomit and drop in blood sugar and have migraines and faint. To say that it's the feeling of walls closing in on you is to only put in the slightest terms. When I have a meltdown, I feel like I am dying. It's the most pain and fear you can feel, reverting you back into a confused childlike state, and the only reprieve I can get is knowing that I 15 minutes I will feel better if a little tired and I will get to drink a coke with a silly straw as congratulations for making it through.
Lots of people will give you a flat and unsympathetic "get help." even when they're typically progressive enough to know it's rude to say that to people suffering from things like depression. It applies to us too! It's damn hard to get a therapist already, even harder to feel ready to look a phobia in the eye. Signing up for exposure therapy is a very scary thing to do.
So to anyone reading this with a phobia or phobias:
Weather being the very common ones or ones so rare and niche that you aren't taken seriously, and God help you on avoiding triggers
Being unable to enter doctors offices or grocery stores or the post office without shaking in fear
Those whole also struggle with OCD too and have intrusive thoughts about their phobias, triggering them even when sitting alone in their room
Those who's circle doesn't take their phobia very seriously and feels lost and alone when triggered
For those who have been hospitalized or institutionalized because of their phobia
You're not alone! And all feelings, even the very worst feelings, always will come to pass.
I wish that there was a community around phobias the same way there is for my conditions ADHD and anxiety, so we could learn coping mechanisms and better understand ourselves as people through each other's experiences. I'm not sure how that'd work or what that'd look like, but the best way I can think of to get started is to post things like these!
*feel free to share you experience if you want to in the tags
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anzuhan · 2 months
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Hello! I'm new to your account but I just want to say your art is suuuuupper pretty! I want to know Anzu's lore, have you written it down anywhere or have discussed it with a previous ask yet?
hello, thank you and glad you asked 🫶 anzu never really speaks about anzu's lore because its overly complex and anzu wouldve wanted to save it for later for when anzu could actually pursue vtuber & idol activities, however its been 4 years and anzu still couldnt really. manage to do that. so anzu will talk about it now 👍 ^ _^)👍
anzu just hopes youre ready for a VERY long post (under cut because. otherwise itll be a post the length of do you like the color of the sky and dont wanna take up peoples dashes 😭)
so based on anzu's current design you'd probably think anzu is a vampire. which isnt entirely wrong but also. WRONG !! you see, anzu isn't from this world, universe, dimension, what have you. anzu comes from a very distant place in its own right that cannot exactly be entered, not even by anzu anymore due to how anzu was exiled from it. 'us' that live there are not entirely a species that is documented by the ones here, so anzu cant exactly tell you what anzu is, but the closest word to it of the inhabitants of this world would be probably close enough to shapeshifter; anzu doesnt exactly fit all characteristics of one, but that is still the best word youve all got for it ! anzu in a way also works like a candle, though anzu isnt made from wax or anything of the like (´ノω;`) anzu's insides are hollow and anzu's 'life' is given by a flame inside of anzu's body. it is closer enough to the fire that exists in this world, but also not entirely due to how it can hardly go out. back in anzu's 'world' we all lived under something close to a high governance of 'elders', but anzu would also compare it close to what people tend to call cults here. anzu did not like it, and though its painted as bad to be kicked out of that realm, anzu is kind of happy to have gone out ☆
anzu was also lucky enough to come across another of anzu's kind in the first world anzu was thrown into after the exile that could teach anzu how everything works. we are not exactly built for battle, though maybe sadly for anzu, anzu loves combat </3 our kind can go through dimensions, time and space at will, so we do not exactly age the same as humans. anzu could be 99308 one day and then 193993 the next one ! if anzu did some time skips or dimension skips or what have you. anzu has also given up trying to keep track of anzu's age, though last time anzu's checked, it was around 102000s (this may become invalid even by tomorrow)
the way we see things are as all stories, tales and also things far unknown beyond your imagination are their own dimension; dimensions are split into timelines; there is always a main timeline that shouldnt be interfered with, the one that you may call 'the one with the given fate', where all things go as they should, whether that be bad or not. and then after this one, theres thousands of subtimelines where minor changes have happened in everyones lives; anzu is free to go and disrupt those with anzu's own ideas of how things shouldve went~ truth to be told, anzu tends to become attached a ton to the ones that have sealed fates that cannot be changed.. well. almost, until anzu'd come in, of course ! and sometimes anzu cant help it but want to interfere. to how dimensions also work, a copy of every single person existing in said dimension exists in every copy of the main timeline; though, because anzu does not belong to any dimensions anzu goes thru, there can only be one anzu at a time anywhere.
anzu, across time and looking over all tons of different universes, has fallen in love with idols in each and every one of them. so anzu's quest is to end up becoming an idol in every dimension anzu goes to ! all different looks of anzu you see also tend to be so that anzu can fit in better here or there ... though despite anzu's spent so long among humans from so many different dimensions, anzu still struggles to understand some pretty simple things sometimes. either way, because anzu wants to be not only just any kind of idol but a cosplayer idol as well (i.e like fuyume hanamura from enst), its also good to have huge variety, right? ♡
this is what anzu looks like normally, anzu usually refers to this as 'default' or just 'sumika', given that was the name anzu chose when anzu had come onto a dimension outside of anzu's own. you may see it from time to time, and they may not always look identical but anzu thinks its pretty usual to spot in most drawings whenever it is the 'default' !
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among the usual white holographic hair and the usual characteristics, anzu's also had blonde hair for a while ... anzu does not really like to act as an idol like this, but anzu does that.. sometimes ! and for the blonde times, it was more a case of spicing things up.. ?
those are also just a very small portion of what anzu's 'default' looks like. below is a much much larger strip of looks, though not updated.
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okay ! now that we've established that that is, what a normal person would probably call anzu's 'natural' look, next are two charts of anzu's looks anzu used to use and that anzu still uses sometimes ! you see there far more often than the default, due to the fact that anzu prefers to perform idol work and activities through them. the default from before is more of a personal and casual thing(><*)ノ~~~~~
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(x next to the name means they do not get used anymore; checkmark means they still get used; the time below the name in paranthesis refers to when they were initially active)
though they all have a bit of a different personality and characteristics, theyre still all anzu ! anzu is anzu no matter what anzu looks like, so please dont forget that☆ if you wish to know more about any in particular, or want to see more art of either, feel free to send a further ask about it ! theres tons of arts of every single one of them.
anzu had also not described every single little thing about anzu's backstory or things anzu is capable of, tales of things thatve happened in this or that time/space/dimension/etc ; so if you have anymore questions about any and all of them please ask as well ! anzu is happy if youre interested in anzu♡
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gamertales · 25 days
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Gotham, July 30th, 2024.
Hey, over here. Youre that blogger lady, right? Looking for info on the supposed ring of collectors of objects belonging to the Bat clan? We talked...well texted a bunch recently about the market.
Hah. Well i cant speak to this supposed ring, but i can show you my own personal collection. Sure its secured, i get a lot of people sniffing around so i try to keep it locked up, but im not stupid. No point tryin to hide from the Bats or what have you, this is just for the schmucks and their bosses. Hah.
Alright, if you follow me into my van.
Oh, yeah, i get that a lot. But look, im 52, i havent got the energy to flirt with 40 year old tired house moms. Kidnapping sounds like a lot of work.
Bit of a shocker compared to the outside, huh? Yeah, I had the interior and body upgraded a few years ago, added comfort and protection,still kept the rough looking exterior tho, keeps attention down.
Yep. Glass repair, window replacement, skylights. Heh. Youd be surprised to know how many small contractors making a living cleaning up qfter the Bat clan. Lotta companies downtown cant get insurance for windows, doors, ventilation systems. Gives us smaller guys a little more space to play.
After that throw down between Nightwing and Riddlers goons across from the Bank of Gotham last week, i managed to get in quick, and lock down the window contract.
This parts important, first crew on the scene gets to move in after the cops move out. Now Gothams finest do their best, but the number of small things they miss...
Take this for example, its a section of Nightwings glove with those fancy little spike things on them. Found it in the rubble under the skylight. Along with some mooks hand. Turned the hand in of course.
What? Oh its an informal alliance, but we keep each other in the loop, and let each other know when shits going down near em. If I cant make it across town, i'll send a text to the crews closest.
The goggles? Harley quinn dropped them a couple years ago, found them in the bushes outside the Exchange. Thats not the prize piece.
This. Two Batarangs from the Bat himself. To be fair i didnt really have to go far to find them. Summer of '19 the big guy landed on my roof. Hard. Dropped, rolled, and started running down the alleyway. Now i was dozing at the time, and that startled the literal shit out me. Cue the clown goons jumping on my truck to give chase. Big threw four of these beauties, making them scatter, and doing more damage to the van.
Four batarangs tho? I sold 2 of them to my buyer in the city. A collector of this stuff. He calls it "pretentious peacocking for poorly adjusted prats." Yeah, Mr Wayne is different enough. Only met him the one time, but he was very affable, even hired me to do the new windows for his guest house.
Made enough to upgrade ole Greaser here to their current condition. And a little.
Other than Mr Wayne? Im afraid i only deal with Mr Wayne; he pays fair, promptly, and usually sends a gift basket. No, i go thru his Butler now.
Right? A Butler. In 2024. Still, he seems harmless enough, spends all his time at charities i hear.
The Ring again? Look, im serious i have nothing to do with that side of the market.
...if you are really determined tho, contact Marc Belvedere, if anyone i know knows about this, itll be Marc.
Listen, i have toinstall some skylights at the City Hall in an hour, so i gotta get moving. Yeah, tell your friends Karl Aleksev is The Window guy when in a pinch.
By the way, what was your name again? Barbara Gordon? Like the Gordon Gordon? Your his daughter? Well, good luck, and be careful, theres a lot of money in this business, and money gets people killed.
Yeah. I guess you didnt really need that advice, huh.
Maybe we will cross paths again.
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iamawrittensentence · 5 months
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i think a lot about how when you're a child growing up in the kind of church I did, the expectation of performance is inseparable from the act itself. and how when you're supposed to hate yourself in order to be loved. like. the idea is that god hates you(r sin), and that he can't *not* hate like that due to his nature. and that you have to change or fight your nature in order to be in his grace. but the idea is not two-sided. the idea that god should or even *could* change isn't even thought of. you have to enter the headspace of god to be loved by him. so you spend every service waiting for the holy spirit to strike, waiting for it to split you open and lay you bare at the altar. screaming and crying is the sound of god of god loving you. the closest you can be to him is when you're broken, incoherent and writhing. and you learn to chase that feeling. but that's predicated on a feeling of safety, of familiarity, of accountability to the other members of the church.
what do you do when you move at 11? every tie severed at once. your grandmother, who was the model for love in your life, the model for *god,* now 999 miles away. you left your*self* 999 miles away. of course, we try again. this is our chance for a new start! all the opportunities we've regaled you with are now right in front of you. take them! take them! take them! come on- take them! listen, you just have to apply yourself. I *know* you're smarter than this, you just have to put the work in.
what happened to the son I knew? you used to be so sweet. I miss the sweeter version of you. the ways in which you are changing are not acceptable, please try again.
We found a church that we wanna try. I promise it'll be like it used to be, you just have to try. come on- we're trying so hard, why cant you just meet us halfway? there's the son I love, keep the big smile!!
its not the same though. it's been almost a year in the new place and you are alone. there feels like a barrier between y'all -*did you just say y'all?* and the world you've landed in. children run in circles in the youth room, playing games you've never heard of. none of these people feel real to you. everything here is so plastic and structured, and you've never seen a church that looks like a school. never been in a church that required a PA system and jumbo screens to see and hear the preacher. lyrics play onscreen as the band plays top 50 christian hits.
you search for the rock hammer typically provided by these spaces and find yourself tool-less. how can this glorified auditorium hold god? they're trying too hard to find him, you think. it feels like they're trying to bring him into the room, but god rushes up behind you when you're vulnerable and tears you open in front of everyone. a divine experience involves pulsing and bleeding, unable to bear the world through the eyes of god, and a team of people to nurse you back to humanity. there is none of that here.
you feel like a failure. you've felt god before, why can't you now? everyone else can. just try, okay? I *know* you're holier than this. where's the son I used to know? You used to be so pious. that's better, big smiles!
you learn that feeling it isn't as important as *doing* it. no one else around you can tell what's going on in your mind, and god doesn't seem interested in snitching. maybe if you go ahead and cry it'll be easier to do it for real next time. you walk into the sanctuary every day with a mix of anticipation, fear, and guilt.
maybe this time I'll be close enough to feel god. do I need to sing louder? are my arms perpendicular enough to the floor? if I reach higher, will I feel him brush my fingertips? maybe I need to memorize the songs. after all, this is the music good christians listen to. maybe if you learn to love the music, you'll love god better. maybe then he'll answer. after all, you love music, so you must just hate god if these songs aren't doing it for you.
it's been years since you've bled in church naturally. you learn to bring your own rock hammer. to break yourself apart on what little of god you have managed to stash away here. no one can know. god belongs in church, and outsourcing is strictly forbidden. so make sure the wounds match. these people are bloodspatter experts. and if you cant match the wounds, cant copy the spatter, well it's an easy fix, really. pulp yourself and paint the scene so thoroughly the only possible conclusion is that you are wounded, wounded, wounded. if you bleed *enough*, no one will bother checking *how* you're bleeding.
or where.
another 999 miles later and you've learned to take it as a given that you're a fraud. maybe one day you'll really get serious and devote yourself to god, but you haven't, so you cant. you're so scarred you can no longer find easy flesh to pierce. every vulnerable part of you has been repeatedly shredded in order to show god your insides. *see, I'm still human! I still bleed for you!* you find that your skull is now used to his rock hammer. it no longer makes the beautiful spatters that made you feel so close to him. the pain is dull, and the blood flows weakly, so much lost you can no longer even bleed.
another church. you continue to throw yourself against the stones, but it feels even more performative now. every room you found god in is now impossibly far away. there is 17 years of distance between you and the living room. maybe one day you'll get serious and devote yourself to your family. two weeks and 45 minutes at a time stands between you and god. you decided to store him there instead of lugging him back and forth just to sit in your room. you keep buying bibles, hoping one will be able to hold him.
you have no idea how happy it makes me that you're reading your bible. actually, I should look at the churches around here, we could go together!
you stop reading your Bible. that stop asking you about it. you stop singing in church. no one notices. you stop begging god to make you love him. and he does.
what now? you find that god is still there, less demanding but no more yielding. it's your turn to sneak up behind him. split him open and inspect his innards. *see how this part bleeds? it's because you didn't honor Me. see how you don't *stop* bleeding? that's because you love Me. you were made to. I Created you in my image.* if the roles were reversed he would relish in this. but it brings you no joy. you thought it would, thought that being able to inflict yourself upon him would make you feel whole again. but consuming just passes it through you. unfortunately, you have to build yourself. you don't even have an Other to build yourself against.
You learn that reacting will never substantiate you, only preserve. you learn to work towards what you want, not run from what you don't. and you learn to stop bleeding yourself to find what runs you, and instead simply... asking. you are still covered in blood.
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melloneah · 3 months
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6 for geto & 22 for megumi and/or yuuji for the character ask?
HAAAAA thank u for the ask >:3333
6. What's something you have in common with this character?
i Very Rarely relate to characters in shows but i feel like geto is one of the exceptions hehehe i feel like our moral views align in a way which we both tried to believe and do what's "right" without much questioning at first and then suddenly got slapped in the face by the reality of what a 'society' entails 😀 so uh. similar thought processes and experiences during the whole ordeal of discovering the world sucks and there's no way to really fix it (without murder? dshkfsjd) him and i are one and the same minus the genocidal tendencies<33 i also feel like his personality is quite toned down and calm unless he's surrounded by people closest to him, which is very me!!!!!
22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?
Yuuji
hhghhgf hard question. i basically love it all but ill try to limit myself to one each
i love seeing lonely yuuji that's surrounded by people </33 in general that's such a real, painful, gorgeous, often overlooked aspect of being human, and it's often dismissed in everyday life bc 'U HAVE FRIENDS WDYM UR LONELY!' but anytime i see it written in fic the descriptions and the raw defeat and the pain just hit so hard, and it just matches the character of yuuji SO SO SO well. he's so open but he just Cant Seem To Get Close to people in Any Meaningful Way. oh my GODDDD it hurts So Bad but i adore it. it's my favourite thing to read. and special mention to loner yuuji who isnt surrounded by people too. lonely yuuji has his own reserved yuuji shaped spot in my heart
i feel like i love everything about yuuji's character so it's hard to pick a dislike 😭 i think it's more of a mischaracterisation than an authors creative choice, but i dont love it when yuuji is portrayed as sort of morally grey or slightly mean bc to me that's just not even him anymore sdjfhsdjhf yuuji is a ray of sunshine who does everything to make everyone else feel at ease!!!!!!! who r u writing bc that isnt him!!!!!
Megumi
i love it when fics make him suffer :3 as if we dont have enough of that in the manga........but i truly feel megumi's character is a great vessel to use in order to explore deeply rooted trauma, crises and complex emotions - his philosophy already illustrates that he doesnt blindly follow the objective 'good' and he doesnt see the world as black and white, which points to him generally being more self-aware and thoughtful. i feel like this translates into a sort of 'open space' in his character to freely and deeply explore for example shame, societal pressures, lived trauma, guilt or some internal struggles etc, whereas for example yuuji would probably be slightly more in denial, which would mean the thought processes described would be less direct and harder to explore deeply imo. so basically megumi is the epitome of overthinking and i like seeing him suffer over it :3
for dislikes in fic uhmmmnnmmn. id say making him too sweet/nice/open? in my mind the core of his character is that he's sorta standoffish and distant and mean lmaoo so it's strange seeing him fold immediately and be super sweet; i like seeing the gradual trust building and eventually opening up a bit but still keeping his personality!! but that's just a personal preference and actually now that i think abt it it's not that it bothers me when i see it lmaooo i just prefer the latter
ASK ME THINGS PLEASE I AM ON MY KNEES BEGGING PLEASEPLEPALEPLASEPLASEPLEASE :3
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empressgeekt · 2 months
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Ok, first of all, I love the start of the story , and I cant wait to see the narrative down after reading your story concepts of your Field of Forgetmenot au! Second, I got to ask, how does everyone in the village react after Branch's reveal (after his unfortunate confrontation that out him in a coma). What about Ms. Dewdrop, the bullies and the trolling's parents? Also, what happened to Creek's house and inner peace methods after his betrayal 😏
WHOA okay a lot of questions!
The village is in more of a state of shock after the events of Trolls 1. At first no one came really acknowledge the fact that Branch had been keeping the village safe for nearly his whole life, simply because everyone was rebuilding and Branch was in a coma. However as things settle everyone kinda of felt this dawning horror. They treated Branch like sh*t and even then he protected all of them without question. Ms. Dewdrop starts cutting Keith some slack in class, the Bullies try to buddy up with Keith, but she stops it when it's clear the kid is uncomfortable. Keith's only caretaker is in the hospital, no need for school to bring on anymore stress. If leaving him be helps, Keith will have enough space. Any parent who tries to get Keith to come with them for a play date is chased away by both Ms. Dewdrop and Poppy.
As for Creeks influance...no one really wants to associate with his ideals, but he was the closest thing to a therapist they had for a long time. Just a really bad one. They kind of fall back onto the toxic positivity he spread, just because they have nothing else. And that doesn't really change until the other tribes enter the picture and bring in real mental help....his house was one that Chef destroyed, they just don't rebuild it.
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dejablueballs · 1 year
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Deja Blue/Avatar hc
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a/n: Just some silly ideas and hcs abt the blue crew. Wanted to put in my two cents, they're random and are just my personal mind vomit. They have no real personalities or lore so regard this as horseshit if you want <3 also these were all the ones I could remember!!!
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Miles Quaritch: Objectively, bad at sex. Was an old man in his prime with power and money to burn, i can assure you he doesn't care about where the clit is much less if his partner cums. Probably doesn't believe in the female orgasm. Thinks ten minutes of missionary is good enough. If he really cares about who hes fucking sure he'll give you a good time but 9/10 hes just not fun in bed [think of strickland in tsow]
Lyle Wainfleet: Loves fat women, gotta be 200lb and over to ride this ride, no stretch marks? no service! Will deny so because of toxic masculinity. Acts disgusted and laughs with his little friend group to keep up appearances but will be on his knees begging for his big babe to sit on his face the same night
Recom Mansk: Doesn't laugh often, its very hard to make the stone cold bastard even snicker but when he laughs he fucking laughs. Big snorting chortling open throat guffaws, cant be controlled or stopped. He has the tendency to puke if he laughs too hard so thats another reason he keeps it under wrap. weak ass gag reflex
Recom Z-dog: was a hardcore horse girl her entire adolescence and never quite grew out of it, daydreams about riding and owning a direhorse
Recom Fike: insecure manlet, was a short man and is now the shortest recom. Tends to puff up, flex or otherwise start shit to assert his masculinity. Stands on his tippy toes during arguments. Can't argue without tearing up, learned how to mask it when human but now he just pops if overwhelmed
Recom Prager: the man with the plan, i.e recreational drugs. Always keeps an ounce or a tab on him, hence the spaced out look. Living as a human on pandora can be stressful so he found a great way to cope. Nothing hardcore just reggie, acid, valium etc etc just small things to help ease stressed soldiers. If caught he will lie and throw whoevers closest under the bus
Recom Ja: just notebooks upon notebooks of bad poetry, keeps one on hand in case ideas ever spark or if smthg abt pandora really inspires him. Its all very bad or bland poetry, hes smart enough to know so and never shares anything he writes. Probably some "saw a snail, effervescent" type bullshit in there or ripped off lines to strengthen his stanzas. Keeps small logs on his day to day life, very boring
Recom Brown: loves taking selfies of himself, working out, meetings, private or hang time. Doesn't matter, just enjoys self documentation. probably has a locked folder of his own dick pics. Def the type to measure
Recom Lopez: was raised devout catholic, priest, baptisms etc etc all the big catholic stuff so you'll usually see him with a silver cross necklace or a rosary during special occasions [good friday, ash wednesday, lent, chrsitmas etc etc] Not preachy about it but hes silently judgmental. Listens to sermons with headphones while alone or working out. Always be able to catch him watching the older sunday service channel since he doesn't have access to earth cable in real time. Has several small christian tattoos. He's like mac from always sunny, basically
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