#changing thought patterns
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A little bit of introspection I stumbled upon this morning that perhaps will help someone else too:
I was imagining scenarios in the shower, as one does, about meeting a particular celebrity I admire and them falling in love with me, etc. (I promise I’m an adult woman in her 30s but being single is hard and real people are annoying. Fantasy celebrities are less so because they’re not real) but this particular celebrity is in fact married, so many (completely fantastical) scenario included his wife leaving him for being too upset about a friend who was recently diagnosed with a debilitating illness (the illness was not imagined, it’s legit, but I was using it as a plot device).
I don’t know this woman, or anything about her in real life other than that she exists and is married to a man I find attractive and talented. I have no reason to think she’d behave in such a callous manner. And yet, even in a completely fictional scenario, I see her as an impediment, as competition for this man’s affections, so I imagine her being terrible- trying to morally justify wishing their marriage would fall apart.
I like to think of myself as a girls girl. I support other women making their choices and living their best lives, I do my best not to see other women as competition, or buy in to the bullshit of capitalism that makes us compare ourselves to photoshopped pictures of women. And yet, I have no problem making a woman I don’t know out to be terrible in my own fiction because she stands between fake me and a fake version of a man.
As a specific example, it’s not like this woman is ever going to know, or if she did, that my opinion would matter to her. But this was not a one off thought, and it’s got me reflecting on how I treat other women, even inside my own head. I’m not going to beat myself up about it, but I am going to do better.
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Cider, cider, cider, cider...
The Flim Flam brothers, plus their number one hater.
#mlp#applejack#flim flam brothers#my art#character design#fanart#grand galloping 20s#nothing was really changed for these bros. just better proportions and got rid of the check pattern on their pants cuz people thought#it was fishnets lol
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A little mar-bit jatherine at the behest of @sondheim-girly
#Im SOOOOO normal about them i promise#I hope y'all like the costume changes i thought marica's bow being her dress pattern was fun#the outsiders#the outsiders muscial#the outsiders broadway#two bit mathews#marcia meyrink#marcia the outsiders#mar bit#mar-bit#marbit#marcia x two bit#art#my art#digital art#artists of tumblr#fanart#the outsiders fanart#newsies#jack kelly#katherine plumber#jatherine#jack x katherine#newsies broadway#newsies fanart#dont#look too closely
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y'all ever think abt how it was julie having the affair and it is even said multiple times that she was the one who left him, yet wilson was still the one who left their home and moved in with house. like. he couldn't bear to stay in their home alone. he immediately ran to house and stayed on his couch for weeks. suffered through his pranks and his laziness and his manipulation. telling him he wants him gone while sabotaging his attempts to leave. and he only left once he got a girlfriend again.
#chyanne speaks#house md#hilson#hate crimes md#gregory house#james wilson#i think his inability to be alone is such an interesting quality of his that isnt touched on enough#like yes we all haha at his long string of unsuccessful relationships but we dont talk abt it all stemming from his inability to be alone#his first wife leaves him and then he remarried quickly#he cheats on the second wife and remarries quickly#the third wife cheats on him and leaves him and he immediately moves in with house#and then starts dating a patient and immediately moves in with her#but!!! then he moves into the hotel and is alone for like almost a year! and honestly he NEEDED IT#bc GROWTH happened in that year and he meets someone who doesn't fit his M.O. who breaks away from the mold#although he does immediately move in with her too but still. amber was different. she was the step in the right direction#and then she dies.#and then wilson throws himself into the left field. everything needs to change. he's spent so long fearing being alone.#so he tries to leave so he is completely and totally alone without house to fall back on#but house needs him. he needs him too much. they need each other too much.#and he falls back to house again. and he's content that way. he's always the most content when he's with house. always feels the least alone#and then sam comes back into his life and ruins e v e r y t h i n g#he falls right back onto those old patterns. kicks house out and moves her in. and then what happens??? of course??? she leaves him. again.#and then he's alone again and it hurts. he gets a cat that we only hear about twice and then never gets brought up again#but wilson has his kitty. he has house. he's not alone. he can be content.#and then house fucks everything up. he goes to prison. wilson is alone again.#im honestly SHOCKED that wilson didnt remarry in that year they were apart but he was rly trying to change!#he was working on himself and trying to make changed he thought would be good for him#and then house comes back. and house won't LET wilson be alone. he wont leave him alone.#and it's exactly what wilson has been yearning for since the day he drove that car into cuddys house#and in the end. as long as he had house that was all that mattered. as long as he had house he wasn't alone.
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Tag game! What are 5 Julian things you can't write enough of?
Fidgeting with his hands so anxiously that he's scratching or hurting himself, and one of his friends noticing and holding his hands gently to stop him.
Falling asleep on a friend after he's had Too Many Emotions (and getting hair kisses from them ofc :3 )
Fear and hurt and distress working its way out of him in a burst of uncontrollable anger - and then suddenly stopping as he realises he's lost control, and either turning completely slack, or getting panicky about what just happened.
Feeling a lot, but not understanding what he's feeling enough to explain it to anyone else. (And dissociating when it becomes Far Too Much to even try to figure it out.)
Fumbling around the subject but completely avoiding the point until one of his friends figures out what he's trying to say/ asks him a direct enough question that he can't put off saying it any longer.
Tagging @dreamerdrop @ectogeo-rebubbles @the-last-dillpickle @hellostuffedtiger @idonotbitemythumbatyou @lady-lazarus-13 — if you'd like to make your own posts, I'd love to know what your favourite "personal tropes'', as it were, are 🥰 And if anyone else wants to join in, you're very much invited, please count yourself as tagged!
#Tag game!#Julian Bashir#DS9#I just really enjoyed thinking about this and thought others might too 💖💖#Feel free to cheat a little on the 5 :P#I felt a little absurd adding so many addendums when I'm making this so I could just change the number#but having a challenge limit is part of the fun right? As is the sneaking in of extra bits :P#(Also there is no need to start all the sentences with the same letter. It was just my first three happened to start with F#and then I couldn't unsee it and had to fit my last two into that pattern 😅)#Apologies in advance if I set this off and then don't respond for an aaaage. Energy levels are *wildly* varying right now haha#But hopefully I'll be just as hype to read any responses as I am right now!#My trek musings#Wsb
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So I was thinking and wondering; what if the Florges line had a closely related (but not the same) male counterpart line? And so, I drew the following Fakemon:
meet Falilys, Falarino and Fanceur!
Fairy-Types drawing from Water power, they're male ballet dancer/butler themed. Dex entries + big ramble under the cut.
Falilys ("fa-lee-lees")
The Tiny Lilypad Pokémon
Fairy-Type — drawing power from Water-Type
Exceedingly rare in modern times. It's thought Falilys is born when a Flabébé undergoes a strange mutation in the egg.
The dewdrops Falilys carries on its head are important to it. Knocking them off makes it cry.
A very honouring Pokémon, Falilys are often seen carrying Flabébé across lakes, ponds and rivers in exchange for pollen to eat.
Falarino ("fa-la-ri-no")
The Lilypad Pokémon, evolved form of Falilys
Fairy-Type — drawing power from Water-Type
The lilypad Falarino once used to travel is now carried on its head. It practices balance with it, twirling and dancing across lake surfaces.
Some folklore says Falarino's teardrop shaped marks developed after it was shunned by Florges.
With the grace of a dancer, Falarino emerges at night to heal stagnant bodies of water and encourage healthy growth of aquatic plants.
Fanceur ("fan-se-ur")
The Lilypad Pokémon, evolved form of Falarino
Fairy-Type — drawing power from Water-Type
Fanceur will only remove its lilypad— its source of power— to use as a shield for someone it loves. It spins up streams of water when it dances.
With a haunting cry and an ever-sorrowful expression, Fanceur skips and skims across bodies of water, telling a tragic tale through elegant dance.
Though people used to assume Fanceur would woo Florges with its dances, it's now been found it acts more as a personal servant to its counterpart.
And now for the ramble. Down below are Shinies, colour variations (Fanceur colours are Dawn, Cream, Slate, Dusk and Silk) and a head shape comparison between Fanceur and Florges.
Hoo!! So! This line is my pride and joy. it's my first time making a Fakemon not look like shit. I thought it would be cool if there was a diverging line at birth for Florges and I ran with the idea of it becoming a dancer-servant rather than a guardian. I think it would also be really funny if they shared the same egg group BUT you can't breed Florges and Fanceur anyway. because fuck you. made the Shinies shades of purple to match Florges, and then here we are! funny sad water lily fairies.
#moom makes bullshit#digital art#art#artists on tumblr#Pokémon#fakemon#Flabébé#Floette#Florges#Falilys#Falarino#Fanceur#I had a lot of fun making these guys!!#I imagine they'd be incredibly rare and hard to befriend#something something that one bit from no girl's toy TOO MANY GIRLS!!! /j#and yeah. they're constantly sad. if Florges is happy then Fanceur can be a miserable little guy just trying to do best for his employer#he just wants to dance and scream at lakes and that's a vibe#wanted to make it slightly more masculine but not so much it's just stupid to look at#so the actual body shape changes are subtle and it's based more in the patterns and the ears#and then the Water-Type draws instead of Grass! because I just thought it would go well together! they both serve the same roles#if anyone ever wants to draw the boys please ping me I would be honoured
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New Age AU (An Order to Things)
Hello hello and welcome back! I... write the first part of this like a month ago and then came back and wrote the rest over the past few days! Ancha and I were talking about getting some perspective on the rest of the Castle while Night is still adjusting to his new body, so here we are! A little mash-up of what the Knights have been doing on a regular day only a little while in to Night being small!
no edits, no rereads, fuck it we ball!
(@ancha-aus @mutzelputz and @papiliovolens hello again! Hope you don't mind the random @ and as always if it gets annoying just lemee know and I'll cease hehe!)
Oh, and a bonus shout-out to Ancha because I would've completely fumbled an entire section here, but she recalled something from one of my many strange rambles and saved my life in the lore continuity department :]
“Is everyone here?” Dust’s voice was steady and cut through the chatter of the room.
Horror watched as heads turned to face Dust, where he stood at the ‘front’ of the room. The room was actually curved, a nice oval that allowed a long, round, bar-like table to curve along the outskirts and sit up to fifty people along its run. Across from where Dust was standing was the door. Where Dust stood now, well, that was usually where the King sat. They had shifted the ornate seat back and away for the time being, since no one thought it’d be right for Dust to sit in it. Even if he was filling in for Nightmare today.
Those seated, they were Nightmare’s council. Some seats had been barren since before Horror had arrived, a lot had been filled since then, Killer had told them that the population had seen a steep decline after he showed up. From what Horror had heard, it was probably for the best that it had been rebuilt almost from scratch. The council now was made up largely of common people. Monsters and Humans, each a representative from their own cities and townships who had both been chosen by their people and screened by the King himself. They weren’t proper or well-spoken sometimes, but they always seemed to have their people’s best interests at heart, so he figured the king didn’t mind it much. Actually, maybe their informal habits made them all the more appealing to him? Horror could never quite tell. Besides, he usually wasn’t present for these unless the farming representatives were present, and today they seemed woefully absent. Normally it would be Killer or Dust here where he was standing near the King’s seat. But, Killer was helping watch over the King while Ccino caught up on his own work, Cross was scheduled for training right now, and Dust was the one talking, so here he was.
“Good.” Dust spoke up again, very shortly, as the group quieted.
Horror noticed Dust had a booklet open on the table before him. Horror recognized the handwriting in the pages, even if he couldn’t read any of the words from such a distance. Those dizzying swirls were the familiar penmanship of their King. King Nightmare must have sent Dust with instructions, or maybe a list of topics to address.
“Our King will not join us today. I am here on his behalf. Trust me, news will return to him.” Dust explained briefly, and neither of them missed the way a few of the council looked between each other. Nightmare had been out of the public eye for almost a week and a half now. “Any questions?”
Dust’s eyelights traveled to his left, where a hand was raised barely into the air. A human sat there, Horror didn’t recognize them, but it seemed like Dust did. He gestured shortly to him and said, “Damien?” As a prompt to get the man speaking.
As Horror had learned, it was customary to stand when you spoke at these events. Everyone, aside from the King, had a cushioned stool which tended to be easier to raise out of and sit on again. The human, Damien, slipped backward off his stool and rose maybe an inch higher than he had been sitting.
“Sir Panther,” He addressed Dust with a slightly nervous voice, “We in the council are grateful for your presence and for listening to our pleas, but some of us present feel that the timing of our King’s absence poses a danger to some of our peoples.”
Damien shoved a strand of dark hair out of his eyes, tucking it behind his ear as he continued with a surprising amount of confidence for someone who seemed to be questioning their king. “While we trust his decisions, we find that our people are growing restless and weary without plans in place to rebuild our shelters. The last flood which passed through was not four days ago, and the letter arrived today more frantic than the last. Is there any hope that we may soon be graced by the King’s presence once again?” He watched Dust’s reaction as he still stood.
Dust, though, had a pokerface of steel. As long as Horror had known him he was always a closed book. Or, maybe more like he had a bottle, but broke the top of the cork off inside the opening, so nothing ever made it out. That was Dust. Horror couldn’t even blame him, with all he was dealing with it was impressive how neutral he could remain. Horror had no doubt this Damien man had no idea what it was Dust was thinking at the moment. Was he happy? Upset?
Before Dust could answer, another hand shot up, followed by a scrambling sound as this other figure, this one to the right, moved faster. This time, it was a monster Horror recognized vaguely, if only because he believed this was one of the few noble lines who got to stay after the ‘spring cleaning’ as Killer called it once. She was a bee monster, one who lived in the capital, but her family resided over some borderland city. She was younger and a lot quicker to speak.
“Mister Damien is underselling how dangerous the floods have become again, Sir Panther!” She hurriedly said. Across the room, Damien seemed to pale under the loud and shrill voice of this noble girl. Dust nodded to her, prompting a continuation of an explanation. “The floods rolled through my town too, though we had time to prepare thanks to their warnings so the damage was less severe. It sounds like, though, many houses were completely swept away, and among them were Mister Damien’s family home. He has two daughters, you know that? They ended up in my town when the water swept them there. That’s how I know.”
She seemed startled when Damien seemed to slump over his stool a bit, planting his hand on the seat as he looked to her.
“My little girls? They’re alright?” He asked out of turn, his voice different. A bit weaker.
The noble girl, was her name Marie? She nearly jumped forward as though she were going to close the gap across the room, her wings buzzing at her back. “Yes! Yes, they’re alright! My mother spotted them in our river and was able to scoop them up.” She replied almost excitedly, entirely blind to the sickly relief on Damien’s face. “Mother said they were very smart girls, they had a hold of a piece of wood and used it to float!”
The two seemed to silently revel in the news, Marie proud to have shared it, and Damien grateful to have heard it. Neither of them was taking in the looks of worry permeating their fellow councilmen, though those nearest to Damien did extend hands of support to his shoulders. Comfort.
“Mm. Good your family is safe.” Dust said, once again reminding the council of his presence. It had so quickly been forgotten in the exchange of information and startling news.
Damien seemed to jolt at that, and he quickly made a bow towards Dust with a quiet, ‘Thank you, my Knight. Sorry, my Knight.’ escaping his chest in quick succession.
“Glad you brought that up. The King isn’t sure when he’ll be back here.” He paused a second, “Sent me with a list of announcements. One was for your cities, got word same time as you.” Dust raised the little booklet off the table before him then. The leather cover, though Horror couldn’t see it he knew what it looked like, had the kingdom’s crest pressed into its surface. Dust didn’t glance at the pages, though. Just showed it off for a few breaths. “Said he’s sending out a contracting team. Capital’s best. They’ll be headed out and nightfall to Peechrey first. Build some drainage. Then rebuild the buildings. Move onto Pinoc after or split sooner, depending on resources. Time.” He debriefed.
Damien and Marie were still standing, their discussion was seemingly not over. Questions unanswered.
“I- I am grateful that our King has already prepared, it was foolish of me to assume, yet…” He took a breath, maybe trying to put together a thought. “Drainage? Should the repairs not occur first? What of those with no home?”
Valid question. If Horror were in this guy’s shoes, he’d probably be asking the same exact things. Dust seemed unbothered by the extra questioning and simply nodded along.
“Would, but it’s flood season. King said drainage first so repairs’ll stay sturdy. Just one fix instead of twenty.” Dust explained with a little shrug. “Those without houses? Take them in. Neighbors help neighbors, till we fix the big issues. Least we can ask.” The way Dust said it wasn’t forceful, or mean-spirited, yet it seemed to make Damien stand down.
“I… Understand, my Knight.” He said briefly.
It seemed he was about to sit when a hand raised from beside Marie. A human woman, one which Horror did fully recognize. Chase. She was one of the people who Crop had introduced him to during the call-outs for farmers willing to experiment with farming methods. That had been Horror’s first big project at the King’s side, and it had been going well so far. Slow, but well.
“My Knight, if I may offer.” She received a nod of approval from Dust. “My village is small, an’ about an hour’s ride by horse to yours, but my people live on a plateau and would be more than willing to house any of yours who might need a place to stay for a time. We’d just ask for an extra hand with the harvest when time comes around.” She suggested, looking to Damien for an answer.
Damien looked right back at her for a few breaths, a little stunned. Horror had found, unlike many of these people, that the farmers who he and Crop had managed to gather for the experimental farming? They were good people from tight-knit communities. Visiting their small villages and farms reminded him much of home each time. Keeping crops and animals requires a lot of fortitude, wit, and compassion. More than anyone gave them credit for, usually. In moments of crisis, if he couldn’t be here with his family, he would choose a farming village over all else. …It seemed like Chase was living up to the high praise Horror hadn’t even realize he’d assigned to her years ago.
“A-are you certain that is all you would ask in return? I fear that Miss Marie was correct in stating that the damages are far worse than I first described. We have at least fifty, perhaps more, who would be needing shelter and resources. We cannot push that upon your people for only a favor of labor.” Damien seemed like he was taking the cautious route.
Horror couldn’t necessarily blame him, he wouldn’t want to be the reason his town was indebted either. Though, he did have half a mind to defend his colleague. She wouldn’t offer something like that if she and her folks couldn’t handle it.
“ ‘Course that’s all I’d ask! We got plenty of space, as long as a few of your folks wouldn’t mind taking turns in the lofts. Plus the food shouldn’t be an issue. We mostly export the extra we don’t need to other towns for trade, but there should be enough surplus to feed that many extra mouths.” Chase belted those words with a pride that Horror had seen on many of the farmers lately. Her chest puffed a bit as she placed her hands on her hips. “Plus, don’t hurt that we’ve got the Knights here listenin’ to us make the deal. If I tried anything tricky with it I know Sir Lion over there wouldn’t let me weasel my way out of it!”
Chase nodded her head in Horror’s direction. He didn’t expect for any eyes to turn to him during this meeting beyond the nervous glances every once in a while. He figured it must’ve been shocking to see him here the first time, and it probably hadn’t gotten much easier for them since. He found himself, regrettably, making direct eye-contact with Damien. The man looked frazzled still. Like he was regretting bringing up the topic at all.
“Mm. She’s right.” He agreed, hoping it sounded half as light-hearted as he’d meant as it echoed from under his mask. “It’s… also a fair trade. Harvest season gets…” He lifted a hand a bit, searching for the words he was looking for. “Busy. Messy, when there are too many fields to harvest and not… not enough skilled hands to pick. Risk losing a lot of crop to…” Again he paused, but for a shorter span. “Over-ripening. Or drying out. Been trying to find a good way to gather it all for a few seasons now, right?” Horror finally broke his stare with Damien to glance over to Chase.
She seemed to be beaming from over where she stood. She ran a hand through her short-cropped black hair with a slight laugh.
“Exactly, My Knight! So, not entirely an unselfish offer, but we scratch your back, you scratch ours! It’d do us a big favor seein’ if getting more hands to help would really gather it all or if we’re gonna need to downscale.” She went between the two, though after looking to Horror again, she seemed to realize that the both of them had gone off-topic from the point of the question. The farming meeting was set for about a month from now, this was the civilian-based meeting. They could save shop talk for then.
In her resounding silence, eyes all turned. Not to Damien, but to Dust. Normally it’d be Nightmare making this choice, of course, but instead? Today it was him.
He seemed to look at the parties in question. He was calm. At some point he’d opened the little journal, but kept it flat on the desk away from any prying eyes of the council. He seemed to consult it shortly, and the room’s silence spanned on for nearly a minute as he seemed to debate silently with his thoughts.
Then.
“Since the offer is made, it falls in guidelines for aide. The King trusts all of the council, but Chase still needs to draft a contract.” He finally announced. “Movement can begin if Damien agrees. Sign the paper later. After the King looks it over.” He said with hardly a moment more of hesitation.
Damien’s mouth was agape for a moment, before he nodded.
“I- Yes. Thank you My Knight, Miss Chase, Miss Marie. I will agree to your offer to aide, and we will discuss the specifics after the meeting adjourns.” He finally decided.
Chase seemed thrilled. The woman was surely happy to have a whole new town’s-worth of new able-bodied souls to help her manage her crops, even if it was just for the harvest for one season. Horror and her both knew that this would put her ahead of schedule from the other farms by a bit. More progress did mean more attention from him and Crop, more notoriety for their village, and more trade incoming and outgoing. Plus, Chase was the kind of woman who insisted a little bit of manual labor was healthy for the soul. She was already getting her hands on that parchment used by all the council members to plead their cases to be reviewed by the King.
When all was quieted and both Damien and Marie also seemed to have begin writing, though theirs were on regular paper (letters maybe?), Dust allowed a moment of quiet before he reintroduced their topic for the day. And… was immediately interrupted by another raised hand from a new corner of the meeting room.
.
“How… do you do it?” Horror asked quietly, lifting his axe from the sling along his back.
Dust glanced at him. Horror could tell, the tilt of his chin meant he wasn’t following.
“I mean. Talk in front of all those people. Think of good answers to their questions so quick. You’re so calm.” He clarified.
“Mm.” Was all Dust said for a second.
They’d been out of the council meeting for a few hours now. Dust had rushed off post-meeting to see Nightmare. As much as they all knew Dust was the king of paperwork, especially contracts, Nightmare had made him promise to let him at least read over each one so his stamp was proper. (They all knew that meant he’d take the fall if anything went wrong for either party, too.) So, despite their King being so tired and busy with his whole… being a teenager thing? He was still triple-checking legal documents in his study.
When that was finished Dust had gone off to check the stables and now he was back inside. In the training room, to be more specific. He’d been trying to make sure his magic was under control. His storm. Horror figured he was nervous, with Nightmare being so young now. They all needed to be on their toes. Horror had wanted to come with him, because he needed to sharpen and polish his axe. And ask him that question.
“Black Market boss.” He replied evenly, tugging his hood over his head a bit farther than it usually sat.
Of course Horror knew about that. It had been very obvious when he’d first showed up. Back then, Dust was still wandering around in his shackles and being used as a walking map to find every black market location. Sure, he figured that the stress of a job like that, plus the paperwork involved, had to have prepared him for something like this, but… Horror was the last one to forget that past of his. He meant something else.
“Didn’t mean that.” He said with a little huff. “Meant. Like. You think how the King would. I could… make choices that I liked. But. Not the same way Nightmare would. You know? You think of everything.” He elaborated a bit more.
Dust stood beside him as he plopped down onto one of the benches to the side of the training room. Dust would need all the floor space to practice his spells, and sharpening and cleaning his monster of an axe didn’t need much space at all.
“Same morals?” He replied deadpan with a shrug.
Dust was already moving out onto the big open floor to begin his summons, but he clearly heard it as Horror let out a laugh, because his steps got a bit lighter.
“You ass! I saw you send me a look about the Cherris rep. You wouldn’t have… said yes to her on your own.” He accused, almost playfully. He liked when his small friend set his shoulders. It meant he was trying not to laugh about something. Dust didn’t turn towards him.
“She asked for… a lot. Already gets a lot of support.” He replied shortly.
Quickly after his words, Horror was graced with the vision of Dust’s magic igniting across the room.
It was always in bright flashes. Sometimes manifesting as crooked, broken, brittle bone attacks with an electric taste in the air and a scorch mark left on the floor. Others, it showed up like a streak of lightning arching quickly from Dust’s fingertips or from the sky to strike wildly in any direction. It always had this deadly purple hue to it, and his one eyelight always flashed with vibrant colors just for a spilt second before it would fade back to that pale white/greyish color he sported normally.
Dust didn’t like to talk when he was fighting or training, unless it was Killer. It seemed that would be his answer for now, which didn’t really help his curiosity in the slightest. It almost made him wonder more, but lucky for the both of them, he wasn’t a very pushy person. If Dust didn’t want to talk about it, there would be no talking.
So, Horror took this time, with the ambient zapping noises of his fellow Knight’s magic as his soundtrack, to properly care for his axe. It was a nice, calming, repetitive task that helped chase away building headaches and distract him from worrisome thoughts. It was times like these when he could really take a moment to think about things he hasn’t in a while. Like, for instance, his family back home.
Almost two weeks ago, only days before the King’s reverse-ascension, he’d gotten a letter from his mother. It was written in their foreign tongue, the only writing all the family could recognize and the only language which most of them spoke. It had detailed how his brother was doing well, managing their own experimental patches well and how his studies to learn more of Orchan, the dialect spoken by the people here, had been going by quickly. He was already planning to send a letter to him apparently. Though, his mother had insisted he not mention that when they meet again because it was meant to be a surprise. It also sounded like their old farm dog had finally had her last litter of puppies. They were going to move her into someone’s house and off the fields soon, once this batch of pups grew old enough to protect the livestock on their own. Horror knew how much that old dog deserved a nice retirement treat. Warm bed and shoes to chew on when she’d get bored.
He ran a cloth along the broadside of the axe blade, away from the sharp bits for now. He liked getting the side shiny enough that he could spot a silhouette, but not enough that he could see his own reflection.
…Honestly, he wanted to visit his family. He wanted to visit his family with the King in tow, though. The plan had been to ask him about another visit soon, because his entire village adored the King just like he did. His mother once swooned to him about how ‘awkward and kind’ the King was when he sat with everyone at dinner. His dad liked the way Nightmare tried to hold back his joy at the taste of their home-cooked meal they’d served to him. The King’s poker face had hardly broken for a moment, but the curling of those tendrils of his had been hard to miss.
He just thought it’d be nice to bring Nightmare along. Plus, then, his family would be much less likely to try and baby him. He’d be on the clock as a guard, even if the King wouldn’t say so.
It would have to happen another time, though. Maybe he’d invite Crop instead. Have him examine ground zero for this entire project of theirs? That’d be nice, it’d keep his family occupied by talking technicalities with Crop… but then Horror wouldn’t get nearly enough time with Crop all to himself… Maybe-
“Worried for him.”
Dust’s voice snapped Horror out of his thoughts with a jolt.
Dust stared at him, only a little apologetic at giving his large friend a heart-attack. He was stood right past Horror’s axe. He must’ve stopped polishing a while ago. Dust looked like he’d worked up a sweat, the room felt at least 10 degrees warmer, and the floor and some walls had distinct scorch marks all along the stone in various locations. How long ago had Dust stopped training? He hadn’t even heard the zapping end, so lost in his own head.
“What?” Horror asked, confused now.
Dust frowned slightly, though he tugged his mask back over his mouth.
“Been learning his process for years. Only doing it now because I’m worried.” He said.
He moved to sit beside Horror on the bench, and Horror twisted to look at him. Waiting for any more insight into Dust’s thought process.
“He looks tired. Can see the bags under his eyes. Missing words too. Trouble focusing, looks confused sometimes.” He explained. “Don’t think he’s dumb, real genius kid. Just… the whole “13 year old brain” is getting to him. Don’t think he’s sleeping much either. It’s a lot.”
Dust looked a little pained to be saying it outloud. Horror knew he was just speaking his mind. Trying to find a good way to say that he was rightfully worried for the King’s wellbeing.
Ever since the incident, Horror hadn’t been around the King much. Not by choice of course, every bone in his body wished he could just wrap his young employer up in his arms and make him go out to the courtyard to play catch, just like he used to do with his older cousins as a kid. It just… it just made sense for him to remain vigilant and focused. Ccino and Killer and Dust seemed to have things covered with the King’s personal interactions. Horror and Cross had just been tasked with keeping face and continuing training best they could. Nightmare hadn’t even been coming to supervise trainings. So, Horror could barely say anything to Dust’s description.
The only thing Horror knew was that Dust wasn’t one to worry unneededly. Like, when he and the King returned with that Mage. Error? He’d seemed worried about the kid, but after a few days he relaxed again, because it was safe and that kid seemed genuinely happy. If Dust thought something was up with the King, Horror would believe him without doubt.
“Mm. Good thing. You learned, I mean.” Horror replied carefully. “Probably a lot like…” Hmm, maybe he didn’t want to say that out loud. Would that be rude?
A beat of silence passed between them.
“Yeah.” Dust just said quietly.
Of course Dust knew what he was about to say. Comparing the King’s rewind to his own skull injury. Granted, his happened when he was a kid, but even now it made things harder. Harder to think, to remember, to see, to process things. He’s had time to get used to it though. Nightmare was just hit by similar issues so suddenly, and no physical wound to soothe either. Their king was smart and prepared. Horror could bet he didn’t want to lose that feeling. To lose… everything he’d been doing here. Just like that.
“Don’t want to, though.” Dust’s voice was still quiet and even.
Horror tilted his head at him curiously.
“Talk. In front of others.” He clarified with a shrug. “Was nice being a Knight. Quiet before. …But I want to help. King’s too young to act alone.”
Dust sighed after those words.
They all could have said the same things about themselves in the past. Horror remembers the first time Dust discussed his early days out on the streets. He was too young to put himself into those situations. Then again, Killer had been too young for any of the shit he was put through. Same with what he heard from Cross. Even he shouldn’t have really been the sole communicator for his entire family in his youth. There had been a few close encounters in those early years thanks to angry customers.
There was no time to really think back on it, though. In the moment now, Dust was right. The King was having that crisis in real time. They all needed to face the music and help take on some of the weight, especially after all Nightmare had done for them. Was still doing for them.
“Think there’s… something I can do? To help you with the meetings?” He paused, and Dust didn’t say anything so he continued. “Or help the King?”
He hadn’t exactly been doing much. Killer and Dust had taken on most of the responsibility, and Ccino… that poor guy, Horror wasn’t sure how he was managing everything he was. Killer gave them a breakdown once of all the shit he technically oversees as the ‘Head of House’ and stars was it way too much. And Cross was still a rookie, so he got why Nightmare hadn’t assigned any big stressors to him. Horror was capable though, and he hoped the King wasn’t-
“Next few weeks. He can’t meet the farms. I dunno how he runs those meetings.” Dust once again sliced through his thoughts with his even tone. “ ‘sides. You stayed, didn’t do your missions. Watching out for Cross. Think Night likes having us close. Already helping a lot.”
Right. When Dust says it like that, it made his whole lot of nothing sound like everything. Sometimes he forgot Dust was an older brother. Horror chuckled a bit, and he could’ve sworn Dust’s cheekbones rose ever so slightly with the twitch of a hidden grin. He should’ve known better anyhow, Dust always knew just the right information. It was why Night hired him in the first place.
“You’re doin’ well. Keeping things moving smooth. I’m sure the King appreciates it.” Horror voiced, before he sighed and hoisted himself to his feet. His axe was definitely done. He’d sharpen it another day. “Maybe,” A grin appeared on his face. “When he’s better, we can assign Kills to talk instead.”
In hardly a moment, a silent moment, Dust was at his side now standing. He raised a doubtful brow at the suggestion.
.
What is he doing? What is he doing?
Oh, this felt so, so odd! He wasn’t- he shouldn’t! Well, he was ordered to, but still! He-
“Cross?”
Cross jolted as he looked up from where he had made a poor attempt at excusing himself from the group outside. He’d insisted he had important business, he was sure he sounded convincing… until he’d walked through the nearest door. Which happened to be one of the weapon storage closets out amidst the training grounds.
Now, as he turned to face the person who had spoken, he found that there was someone standing in the doorway. A familiar someone. A human with an impressive beard and dark tanned skin and scars tracing across his cheekbones ever so faintly and kind eyes with a few wrinkles under them. From age or stress, Cross wasn’t entirely sure.
This was Captain Rogers. The King’s first in command who watched over all the royal guard as well as castle security. The man who had personally guided the batch of recruits which Cross had snuck in with during his spying mission hardly two years prior. The man who, he had swiftly learned, had seen through him very quickly and had purposely placed him with Shep as his guide. That damn liar. Captain Rogers was sharp, and skilled, and trustworthy.
As far as he knew, the Captain had been around longer than Killer. At least, that’s what Killer had told him when he asked. He also had mentioned, and Cross had noticed, he was friends with the Head of House. Cross guessed that made sense. The captain had ensured Ccino be introduced as an important person within the castle very early on in their work here, and he had been proven very very right.
Maybe it was that reputation Cross had seen true with his own two eyes during his stay that led him to not ask the Captain to leave as he eased his way into the weapons storage and gently closed the door behind him. He wasn’t a threat. Especially if the King trusted him with Ccino. He could know that much.
“I’m not looking to disturb your business here, but I wanted to see if I could be of any assistance.” The Captain offered loosely.
He’d been kind since Cross was pardoned by the King and allowed to train. His first few weeks when he fought against the Captain’s own soldiers? He and the King had both been patient with him. Something about being in combat like that again… it had brought out the worst in him. An old wound reopening in his chest like an empty chasm. He was pretty sure the King never explained to the Captain why they would suddenly stop mid-round, but Cross figured he could see the change as well as Nightmare could feel it. They’d only kept that up a few weeks until he was deemed too high of a skill level to continue training with the soldiers. He’d been moved to private training with the Knights not much later than that. Only saw the Captain in passing ever since.
If nothing else, that time under his guidance had taught Cross that he was a man who knew how to speak with others. With security for himself and what he does, a pride in his work. He didn’t act maliciously. Perhaps only in jest or retribution to those who deserved it. He wouldn’t follow Cross in here if he hadn’t noticed him acting weird.
That mortified him.
“Thank you. For the- for the offer, Captain Rogers.” Cross replied hurriedly, realizing he’d already been staring for a period of time that felt too long. “Though I’m not sure there’s anything that can be helped.”
The Captain was silent for a few breaths, but he did wander deeper into the shed to join Cross before the stand which he had decided to stop at in his rush to get out from the scrutinous eyes of the soldiers out there. He turned away. He could easily see the reflection of the Captain on the steel surfaces of the longswords he’d stationed himself in front of. Of course he’d stopped near the long swords. He was so predictable.
“I’m not so sure about that, kid. I’ve seen time again how the helpless can be helped in these recent years.” He said quietly. Part of Cross knew that, with their ranking, in some ways they were meant to be equals. It never seemed that way, though. Maybe that was why Cross’ nerves were on fire. “So if I can help, I’d like to offer it to you.”
Yeah. From what Cross had seen of the people in this castle in these two years, it made sense to him now more than ever that Nightmare would keep people like the Captain around for so long.
Wait…
“Have you… spoken with our King recently?” Cross had to know.
After all, he hardly saw Nightmare interact with his own soldiers. He devoted much time into his Knights, but those in lower rank hardly saw him. He didn’t seem to know their names as well as he did the servants. Did he leave all business up to the Captain for the sake of trust? Was there something he had been missing?
He saw as the Captain glanced towards the closed door, and his eyes skimmed the rack of weapons. Checking for any signs of life in the reflection. His eyes only landed on Cross, staring right back at him in the shining steel.
“Not directly, no. Though I have heard word from Ccino as to how he is fairing. Seen him pass by in the night a few times. He seems to be doing well, considering it all.” He voiced, his voice almost dropping to an inaudible whisper. Cross had to stop breathing to be able to hear him. “I know you see him regularly. I’m glad for that.”
Cross nodded, mostly to himself. Yes, he figured that the Captain would know. Why else would he agree to let Cross back out among his men so easily? The King was in danger if he didn’t train these monsters.
He took a slight breath from the silence, drinking in the scent of cleaners and musty wood.
“I wish Killer was in charge of this…” He muttered to himself, dragging his hand up to his skull to place pressure to his sockets with the heel of his palms.
And he nearly jumped when the Captain let a laugh fall from his mouth. It was subdued, but hardy enough Cross practically felt it bounce around in his ribcage alongside his racing soul.
“You truly believe Sir Killer would have better luck with something like this?” The Captain questioned, a slight smile still present after his raucous laugh had scared Cross to the bone. “No ill will, of course. Just… think on it. Truly.”
Cross, part of him, felt an indignation on Killer’s behalf. For a moment he wondered if the Captain was being rude towards the Knight. The oldest of them, the most skilled, the one who stood at King Nightmare’s side. Though it only took half a second for him to recall. No, he was actually right. He couldn’t picture Killer out there on the training grounds, trying to teach swaths of people at a time. To dodge, too. Killer was a very aggressive fighter and only fled when he truly needed to. Even then, most of that work belonged to his beloved steed Granite. Killer was not the type to teach fighting lessons to a crowd.
Though, he wondered how the Captain had come to a conclusion like that. Cross had heard that Nightmare had sparred with the Captain before. Only a few times, not even close to the kind of intense training which the Knights had to go through. That he had been training. Before Night’s change, of course. From what he’d been told. The Captain had only lasted hardly a minute. One, very impressive, minute, but still. There was no way he’d ever sparred against Killer.
“No… You are right, Killer wouldn’t be the best option here.” He admitted. “Though I get the feeling that one of the Knights would be a better fit for this sort of training…”
Of course, it went unsaid in the silence which followed that, well, the other Knights were too busy to do something like this. Dust was leading every meeting Nightmare had scheduled, and planned to continue for as long as he was needed. Killer was busy staying by the King’s side and taking on the King’s usual commoner communications. Figuring out what little issues were good to be dealt with how. As well as ‘cleaning out’ the dungeon. Cross was pretty sure they didn’t keep as many criminals as they had in the past, even when Cross was among the cells those two years ago it hadn’t been very crowded. He had a feeling that the more dangerous and violent of those below the castle had been swiftly dealt with by Killer’s blade. Horror he was pretty sure was preparing. The two of them had spent a lot of time by each other’s sides those first few days, when the King was asleep or waking for only short periods before returning to sleep. After, though, Horror received his orders to cancel his missions and prepare for the upcoming harvests which would need to be guided and recorded over the fall. Cross… Cross had only been asked to continue his training with Horror when their schedules fell in line, and to work with Killer to settle any local matters.
He didn’t mind it so far, there had been very little to do, though. He worried he’d been sidelined. Sent to do the unimportant tasks because he wasn’t capable enough. Nightmare had smiled at him, but he seemed distressed. Cross was too, then.
There was no way the King had chosen him to do something like this. Teach others. He couldn’t do that.
“Well, it is a shame that you think like that. You were recommended to me for this training, you know?” The Captain crossed his arms. “By several someones, actually. Training the soldiers may have been my idea, but you were who many pointed to when I asked for assistance.”
Cross blinked at those words in confusion.
Who could have possibly suggested he do something like this?
“I find that hard to believe.” He said. He’d meant it to sound a bit more joking, but it looked like it’d come out more genuine. The Captain furrowed his brow in response, and Cross attempted to backpedal, raising his hands a little. “I mean! Kidding! Just kidding!” Though his awkward chuckle obviously wasn’t contagious.
“Look, Cross.” He huffed after those words. “If you really don’t want to do this, I can always ask for a hand from someone else. I bet Horror would do it in your stead if we reached out to him.” He offered.
Was- was the Captain really just going to let him slip away from this? He was kind. Incredibly so.
He wondered how it would feel to just accept. Hand off the stressful duty to Horror. Horror knew these people better anyhow, they had trained early on before Nightmare decided to offer him a position as Knight. Horror still spoke with most of them regularly. Cross, on the other hand, evaded eye contact like a kicked puppy. It would be so easy to just let Horror take over before he had to do his meeting things for the harvest season. It would be so convenient. So easy.
“No. I’ll do it.” He said quickly.
The Captain raised a brow, but Cross was already moving past him. Towards the door.
“Sudden change of heart?” The Captain questioned from behind him.
Cross took a deep inhale. One to center himself as he outstretched his hand and placed it on the knob leading back outside.
“I don’t think I’m any good at leading or teaching, thinking on it makes me sick to my stomach… but the idea of making the others take on another responsibility is ten times worse.” He practically spat.
No, he was not happy about this. He shoved open the door to the shed and drew his sword as he walked back towards the warm-up field where the soldiers had occupied themselves by whacking dummies with their weapons. He wanted nothing more than to turn away, out of the beating sun and watchful gazes of these people who he once hid among. He couldn’t though. Not when everyone else had some way to help. If this was Cross’ new duty, he’d do it with all the confidence he could muster.
… Besides. They were training for fast-reaction magic attacks. He was literally the only choice for this. He’d just have to make his own training regime this time around. He could do this.
.
Killer had done a lot of odd jobs in his past. Most of them involved stealing. Or threatening. Or killing. He had to get his name from somewhere, after all. Even so, running into town to pick up Ccino’s fabric order hadn’t been something he’d ever expected to be on his resume.
The King was having one of his rough days. Killer hadn’t often been able to see them first-hand back in the day, but he knew they were very much there. The days he would lock himself away in his study, the Head of House the only one allowed to enter, bringing with him a cup of tea or a platter of small snacks. Staying inside for hours at a time on occasion. Killer had often guarded the door if nothing else, but the walls were thick. He couldn’t often hear the low murmuring voices within.
Now, that the King was miniscule, Killer had been allowed to spend more time around both the King in his private spaces, as well as around Ccino. He was grateful for both opportunities. Though, today the King had looked exhausted. He’d been up for a few days trying to make that magic spell he found work, to make his eye cyan again. He wasn’t saying anything, but Killer figured it was draining his magic more than he wanted to admit. And earlier, when Dust came to deliver those reports from the meeting, Ccino had asked the two of them to stay for a while so he could collect a delivery. Only… Nightmare nearly flung himself out of his seat when he heard Ccino suggest he was leaving. The King didn’t outright say anything, but all of them knew those wide sockets were pleading. A silent beg to stay. Which was quickly followed by stray tears that he hastily noticed and covered with his sleeves.
Emotions. He hadn’t thought the King had been such a crybaby before. Maybe he hadn’t been. Killer couldn’t blame him though. If he had to go back to being 13, with the awareness of his 13 year old self? Yeah. No. He’s pretty sure he wouldn’t make it a day. It was just that he was a crying a lot. The slightest little things would make his sockets well with tears, and then he’d try to insist he was okay and didn’t need help. Even when he would still bury into Ccino’s arms the moment they came in contact.
That was what had happened. Ccino returned to the King’s side, and the King immediately clung to him, muttering apologies. Insisting he go out anyways. What he reacted poorly and should be able to handle himself.
Killer had looked to Dust, and Dust had just nodded at him.
“I’ll go get the order.” Killer had offered stupidly, a little too eagerly, into the open air.
Both Nightmare and Ccino had seemed startled, but when he promised he wanted to run into town anyways (he hadn’t) they relented and Ccino gave him the details. Dust offered wordlessly to stay and watch over the King and head of House in Killer’s absense. He knew Killer all too well. He’d have to thank him with a drink sometime.
Those tears. They just made him uncomfortable. He wasn’t good with emotions, especially not sadness. He doesn’t know quite how to fix crying. It’s not his thing.
It just made sense for Ccino to stay and Dust to watch over them. His big brother senses must’ve been strong today, and his patience plentiful.
He’s run to the shop, of course. A tailor shop owned by a pretty skeleton just off from the capital square. He hadn’t seemed excited to see Killer, even with that mask. A nervous energy rolling off his shoulders as he reluctantly gathered items from behind the desk and packed them carefully into the bag which Ccino had sent him with to carry the items. He’d asked about Ccino. Whether he was okay. Killer had just told him that Ccino was busy so he was running errands. They hadn’t had much more to say beyond that.
Now, he was back in the castle, ready to present Ccino with his prize, and see if the King had been able to calm down at all.
“My lord?” He called out as he opened the door to the study with an easy swing of wood on heavy hinges. Slipping inside was no problem, but he’d be stupid to deny that he was confused when he didn’t spot the little monarch sitting behind his too-big wooden desk piled high with paperwork.
“Killer,” He sure knew that voice! His head swiveled until his vision fell to Ccino, sitting on one of the couches. Dust was nowhere in sight. “Perfect timing. Dust just left to meet with Horror to train… How was your trip to town?”
Ccino, polite and reserved as always. It made Killer’s gut twist just a little. At the distance. His soul certainly wriggled in place as he made his approach, bag clutched by one hand at his side.
“Not bad. Could’ve done with a little more action!” He joked, though as he got closer, he lowered his voice and the laugh trying to come to him simmered back into his cheshire grin. “Your little friend from the shop asked about you.”
As Killer rounded the largest couch to stand just across the low table from Ccino, he noticed what he hadn’t prior. The King was curled up with his back to killer, arms loosely hugging to Ccino’s middle, his face buried against Ccino’s apron. A blanket normally tossed over the back of the few chairs within the room was covering him, and someone had tucked him in tight, like a bug in a rug. Even more charmingly, one of the cats took up the rest of the space on Ccino’s lap. That little calico, Princess. Her back was pressed to the back of Nightmare’s skull and she seemed perfectly content to roll up into a perfect little bun on her master’s lap.
And despite the adorable scene, Killer didn’t miss how Ccino seemed to perk up at the mention of his friend. So they were friends, then.
“What did you tell him?” Ccino asked, his voice quiet. One of his hands was settled gently atop Nightmare’s side, the other was free and tucked by his side.
Killer chuckled quietly, sitting on the opposite couch as he plopped his delivery silently to the table before Ccino.
“Nothing bad. Told him you were busy so I was out on a grocery run. Everyone knows you’re a very busy man.” He teased. Was it okay to tease him right now? Was Ccino going to be mad with him?
Well, if he was, he didn’t seem to say anything about it. Instead , he peered at the bag, then smiled a bit.
“Well, thank you for running out, my Knight.” He returned, eyelights shifting back down to his charge who rested in the comfort and safety of his lap. …Killer had to admit to himself that he was a bit jealous. “When I have the chance, I plan to visit our tailor and ensure that our King has a wider wardrobe, since it seems he truly won’t be returning to his previous form anytime soon.”
Right. They were still trying to keep everything under wraps, so Ccino couldn’t just send a servant with measurements to see the seamstress halfway across castle grounds. He probably had to go himself. Especially because, as Killer had quickly learned, Nightmare is particular about things. The texture of his meals, the feeling of his clothes, even the temperature of his sheets in the night or the brightness of a candle. Though, he rarely voices his discomfort. Ccino was just a master of noticing the little ways the small King would squirm or tug at his top or squint at a candle just a bit too strong for his newly sensitive eyes. He wanted to learn how to do that so well.
His only good news on that front was that Nightmare still made a lot of the same gestures as before. His little, silent commands to Killer. At ease, be alert, with me. He was fond of still being familiar with their own little secret code they’d unintentionally invented over the years.
“It really wasn’t a big deal. Besides, our little Lord said that it’d be better for the city to see the knights are still active, right? With Dust and Horror out of commission for day-trips, I’ve gotta pick up the slack!” he joked, leaning back comfortably into the couch and sighing. “Next time you need a break, we can always try and ask him to supervise a training for us. Maybe it’d make him feel a little better?” he suggested,
Nightmare, small as he was now, still couldn’t deny a duty which called for him. Especially, Killer assumed, from his Knights. A little of that old normality would probably be good for him. Make him feel like not much had changed. Even though… it definitely had.
Ccino smiled a bit at that idea, his hand gently petting Nightmare’s ar. His chest rose up and down ever so gently.
“He cherishes training with all of you so dearly. Maybe he would enjoy a small break from all of these worries.” He agreed quietly.
#new age au#I... honestly had no idea what I was doing here for most of this haha#I knew I wanted to show Dust and how he's developed since arriving (He has complex feelings about having to come up with solutions to peopl#and their problems as well as be standing in the spotlight) and Horror and how he feels a bit adrift but how he'll manage just fine.#Then ofc Cross is having his own little crisis (he does NOT want to be working with these people. He's not a full Knight but he's in a#weird between rank that makes him the same level as the Captain but he's still just another recruit so he feels weird teaching the actual#soldiers? And I've also decided that Cross had a bit of time to train w/ the normal guard after his release (Horror started his training#with them too) but he started to fall into an old pattern he used to get when training w/ X-Gaster. And that got. Spooky. So now he feels#like an outcast and that he isn't qualified to teach these guys anything!) but luckily Rogers is cool.#He was there when Cross was a rookie#even if he was a fake one. And he sees potential and can tell that Cross is a sweet kid (Ccino has high-praise for him too.) so#he comes to his aid! And. Well. he manages to get Cross to talk himself in a circle about it at the very least! He was planning a pep talk#but... eh. it worked out!#Then Killer! He just needs a little fun outing since Cross gave some insight into what else he's been up to. Plus it sets up future events.#(Lust and Cross meeting? Killer not being able to handle a sick and delirious emotional night? Y'know?)#And... yeah! Just a lot of stuff I kinda piled in lol- I'm sure each of these could get a little drabble of their own but i liked compiling#them like this! Plus it made me feel less bad about it only being a glimpse rather than a full scene lol.#Okay!!! Okay. My final statement is that I fell asleep mid-type and woke myself up#fully just because in my hazy dream darkness I thought 'I need to post that drabble' and then snapped awake because i hadn't finished it#lmao-#So!!! Good night!!!#Oh also. Actually my last thing: Yes I did revisit Change in Management because I needed to remember Rogers as a character lmao.#I hope I caught him right? I love Ancha's depictions of him sm and I was very afraid I'd make him sound stale lmao-#OKAY I"M DONE. NIGHT!
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when i think back on my life when i was just a small, fragile child i wonder in what part did i change? my thought patterns? how did i think? i remember her but she has no idea who i am but we are somehow.. one?
#when i think back on my life#when i was just a small#fragile child#i wonder in what part did i change?#my thought patterns? how did i think?#i remember her but she has no idea who i am#but we are somehow#one?#literature#pink#poem#poetry#reading#spilled thoughts#aesthetic#dealing with grief#lost of loved one#typography#childhood#nostalgia#writing#safe space#random thoughts#quotes#humans being humans#love life#corecore#idk what else to tag#quoteoftheday#relatable quotes
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Couple quick fandragon ideas
#everlux dragon#fathom dragon#🐀#slimes doodles#right one was originally a joke‚ but now I like it too much#(sorry‚ ratty)#left one might change because this guy is just so elusive with patterns.... ah well#thought this might sort of fit fat dragon friday a little#but alas‚ is no longer friday to me
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is this the part where i say i like jaymel . bc i do

#as w other shows idrc about the pairings that much bc who gaf but#i do like them .. or did . idk i guess jayce is dead n gone 4ever I CANTT#but i like how it started out as a transactional / political thing#give me hextech and ill give you prestige/renown#and then it snowballing in2 something more organic and genuine thanks in large part to external circumstance#that allows them to look inwards and actually appreciate that mutual and consistent support#i Also like . that they stumble a bit .. having never talked ab the nature of their initial relationship > jayce’s time in the rune#and how it left him feeling embittered and resentful to the point where his trust towards her withered a bit#and mel feeling frustrated and indignant that he’d think so lowly of her/that she’d conspire against him etc etc#to then pointing out his own careless behavior/thought patterns . equals pointing fingers#them having changed so much over the course of the series .. ^__^..#ngl they do feel kind of forced / convenient as far as the writing goes and im rly only thinking ab the meat of s2 here#but i like to think the vers i hold in my head had they more dialogue or exposition isnt ooc#i dont hate jaymelvik or anything but melvik have hardly any interaction 4 me to care ab the prospect of them tgether . i do like jayvik#though but i also like the third option of no one w viktor bx again not my priority#goikg on a tangent when no one asked#no but changed jaymel. traumatized s2act3 jaymel . yuuppppppp👆👆‼️‼️ yuuuupp#they are cute .i think they are so cute#jayce#mel#arcane#jaymel#arcane spoilers
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If Morgoth is a Thought of Eru Ilúvatar, and Morgoth is the original corruption of Arda, then I don’t think Eru is as omnibenevolent as Tolkien would want us to think.
#tolkien#silmarillion#morgoth#the fallacy of divinity#something interesting is that the ainur are fragments of divinity#different aspects of the greater divine#they reflect certain tendencies of their creator#choosing evil does not mean that your source was evil#but it certainly means the source had the capability#this stands directly in opposition to the christian god#who is innately and diametrically opposed to evil and can no more choose evil than he can change himself#to many people this may feel like slicing hairs#but questions of free will and evil and the Fall are central to the legendarium#and if Morgoth was the first fall but his capacity for it came from Eru?#well#maybe the fall started one more link up the chain#btw#this all came from an idle thought experiment#about how a lot of the Silm would make sense if eru was actually a sadistic overlord who made morgoth#and set him loose to fuck up everything in the world through an echoing pattern of corruption and greed and destruction
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We break the pattern, or the pattern breaks us.
#motivation#motivate daily#you can do it#you can do this#self help#self love#love yourself#positive thoughts#love life#pattern#break the pattern#change
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For anyone wondering what it's like to be a therapist who is also a Fan of Things, one of my clients shared that labyrinth walking was a meditative practice for her and I DID have to work very hard not to say, "Oh yes, like my good buddy Thara Celehar from Witness for the Dead, it really did help him!"
I pulled it together and said something professional but whew, close one!
#closeness of blurting exaggerated for comedic effect#really what it was is that I did take about fifteen seconds while she was talking to figure out if knowing this was represented in a book#would be nice for the client#and decided no so didn't mention it#but I thought it was very cool! Encountered it in the book first as labyrinth specifically and assumed it was more of a fantasy thing#but no! It is a real thing that people who have access to a labyrinth do!#and we had a great conversation about how shifting physical environments changes thought patterns#and walking as meditative practice#witness for the dead#thara celehar#sass talks therapy
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Made a Shroomish plush for @friendlyfrankenstein based on @p12lysanderdelanne's great Shroomish pattern! (with some of my own modifications)

And now he's happily at home :)
#Shroomish#Pokemon#Hallow art#Hybrid art#P12lysanderdelanne#seems like the pattern is sewn in a different way than i like to do it normally so i had to change the under skirt piece around a bit to fi#proper and look good enough for my eyes lol#im a bit out of practice and uhhh note to self add the spots BEFORE stuffing it#guh. i thought it would help me see how to make it lay the fabric properly but it just made it harder. whoops
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colour drafts for the flower viewing themed prsk outfit contest (tentative name Spring Sprig Stag)!!
which one is your favourite? 🌸🦌🍡🍒
in order the inspirations are:
sakura🌸/wisteria💜/dandelion🌼/night sakura viewing🌸🌌
its looking like tsukasa will be the model chosen from the voting post! wahoo!
*forgot the collar direction rule its been edited appropriately in my files!
#prsk#pjsk#project sekai colorful stage#project sekai#proseka#tsukasa tenma#wip#the first two are still deer themed so they change up the flowers and auxiliary tones#but the last one is special cause it keeps the sakura blossoms BUT the deer pattern is turned into a night sky!!! cool right???#very proud of this altho there’s obviously more details I’ll b adding later#patterns n stuff#lmk if you have any thoughts!!! I gotta get back to some other tasks before I can draw it out in full
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airplanie 4 a thingie
#airplane furry#furry#plane dragon#a few monthz ago i took a plane n thought god i wish i had a sexie airplane shirt on right now#might change the patterning b4 i actually o anything but teehee
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