#circumvented gender

[pojkflata]

Me, ass-deep in a hyperfixation on a 20 yo Swedish kids' show based entirely around toilet humor puns, explaining why I think that its villain protagonist would say trans rights

[delusion-of-negation]

every time I get to skip a queue because I'm disabled, I think back to my one guardian using that as one example of how actually it's marginalised people who are privileged. ma'am, it's because I can't stand up for that long. and it's trans privilege that I once got given vip passes, as the only working gender neutral toilet was in the vip area of the club. ma'am, it's so that I didn't get beaten up. ma'am, it's not a privilege for somebody to do something nice for you that is aiming to circumvent a danger you're subjected to. I can't skip a queue now without thinking "I wonder how many people are bitter that I can do this because they're standing in the cold for an hour", and then I think that the solution to these situations should never be to harm me, it would be to improve the venue's entrance (more metal detectors, etc) and waiting area (cover, places to sit, etc) so that the waiting experience doesn't suck enough to make anybody feel bitter upon seeing someone skip it for the sake of their health. and I don't even ask to skip btw, it's just protocol in a lot of places, and they let those with you skip it too so that you're not separated.

[gendertrickster]

in homestuck isnt gender canonically a bootstrap paradox

in a sense. calliope/caliborn perceived gender roles as an inherent truth of reality rather than the social construct it was, which ended up projecting itself through the narrative forces those two represent and causing the construct to have existed to begin with, oppressiveness and all. and this worked heavily into caliborn's favor because his fated foe, vriska serket, is one character most affected by her gender role, and she dies trying to adhere to it. on the other hand, though, is the character caliborn is implied to be most weak to: davepeta, the sole textually transgender homestuck character with no room for interpretation. so yeah gender is sort of implied to be another one of lord english's tools of oppression, and canonically speaking, any character that circumvents traditional gender structures has an edge on him

[decolonize-the-left]

"Today, Georgia's Senate passed House Bill 1104, an "omnibus" bill designed to consolidate several anti-transgender policies into a single piece of legislation. Additionally, the Senate will debate House Bill 1170 later this evening, which proposes adding puberty blockers to a ban on gender-affirming care already passed by the state. Both bills were attached to entirely unrelated legislation as a strategy to circumvent rules that mandate bills pass at least one chamber by a specific deadline, effectively rendering that deadline meaningless for anti-trans legislation. This weekend, it was announced that both bills would appear on the Senate calendar, and at 4 PM on Tuesday, House Bill 1104 passed on a party-line 33-21 vote. The Georgia Legislature is set to adjourn sine die on Thursday."

[akajustmerry]

you know in all the bells say when shiv tells roman that logan would never pick roman because he thinks there's something wrong with him and it's one of the few times she says it matter of fact, not as a jab or insult??? I think about that all the time. because it's like...she can recognise Logan's Something Wrong attitude. it's the same attitude Logan treats Shiv with for being a woman. Roman and Shiv's invisible bond is not just as the 2 youngest, or their joint anxiety of Kendall, but the 2 who's Wrongness™ is not correctable, and an inalienable inherent failure of their genders in Logan's eyes. Roman's a man, which of course gives him privilege over Shiv, but he's "weak" "wrong" etc in a way a man shouldn't be according to Logan. So even his male privilege is conditional on his ability to hide that supposed Wrongness, but he can't because it's inherent. Meanwhile, Shiv can denigrate women, be ruthless in every way a man would be expected to, but these attempts to circumvent her gender and put her ahead of her brothers only make her less valuable as a woman to Logan. She is doomed whether she acts more like the men or around her or whether she adheres to what's expected of her as a woman. She fails either way and so does Roman. So, most of the time the best they can do is hold that failure over one another, fighting over who's virtue is greater, until they realise they've always been standing side by side in the gallows and awaiting the same noose.

[rainba]

Here it is... The fic where Luka kidnaps both his darling and Kairos.

TWs/tags: human furniture, dubcon, kidnapping, slight depiction of violence, pet play, NSFW, mind break, cucking (?), dark content, use of shock collars

Reader is GN, however, there is one paragraph where the reader is gendered. The asterisk* will mark the paragraph with afab reader, and the one in parenthesis is amab. :3c)

MDNI! 18+

In one previous post, I mentioned that Kairos and Luka do live in the same universe and city– and in a few other posts, I mentioned that they’d never share their darling. If one of them tries to kidnap darling, they’ll just report the other to the police. 

Then another idea came up, a way that Luka could circumvent that predicament: Luka figures that Kairos would instantly report him if he kidnapped his darling. So… In order to stop that from happening…

Luka would kidnap both you and Kairos.

Luka’s house is definitely big enough to keep both of you. In the beginning stages, he’ll keep Kairos locked up in the attic while he keeps you in the basement. The basement is much cozier– meanwhile the attic is all dusty, hot, and muggy.

Between you and Kairos, Luka will be much, much nicer to you. He’s (quite literally) obsessed with you, so of course you get the better treatment. He cooks your favorite meals and feeds them to you by hand. He gives you plenty of water and always showers you in attention– sometimes he’ll even place a TV down in the basement and let you watch random stuff. You know, just so you don’t get too bored. He wants you to feel at home–! When you learn to accept your new life, he’ll spoil you rotten.

But for Kairos..? Luka is absolutely brutal.

Luka will rub in the fact that he beat Kairos in “winning you.” He’s simply just the superior man– the superior partner. Luka loves you too much to ever let you go. After all, you're the only person that has ever made him feel anything at all. And he really drives in the fact that you belong to him, and that Kairos will never have the chance to even touch you.

Luka will walk circles around Kairos as he mocks him relentlessly.

“Nobody is looking for you.”

“You’re pathetic. Disgusting freak.”

“They’re all mine, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Kairos will scream, squirm, and cry as much as he possibly can– but nobody can hear him. Luka is right: nobody is looking for him. Kairos doesn’t have any family. He doesn’t have any friends. He’s stuck in this hell forever.

To keep Kairos alive, Luka gives him his leftovers. He dumps it onto the dirty ground and drags Kairos next to it, commanding him to “eat up.” Kairos is forced to pathetically writhe on the floor and eat without his hands– all because Luka refuses to untie him. As for water, Luka forces Kairos to drink out of a dog bowl.

Most of the time, Kairos can’t hear anything. Luka’s house is eerily quiet at night. And during the day, Kairos can sometimes hear the sounds of children laughing and playing outside, or he’ll just hear Luka casually going about his day as if there aren't two people locked up in his house.

It’s torturous.

Over time, Luka will get you to warm up to him– call it stockholm syndrome kicking in, if you will. Or maybe you already loved him and he just needed to build trust with you. Either way– you eventually upgrade from the basement to his bedroom. And that’s when things get infinitely worse for Kairos.

He’s not just listening to Luka going about his daily routine now– no, now he has to also listen to the two of you fucking multiple times a day. The way you’re moaning out another man's name… The sound of the bed creaking and banging against the wall… Kairos finds himself choking and sobbing as he’s stuck tied to the chair. Sometimes he starts to dissociate and pretends that he’s somewhere else.

Most of the time he pretends that the two of you just got married, and he’s playing out different scenarios of honeymoons in his head.

After a few more weeks or months go by, Luka will grow bored of keeping Kairos tied up in the attic. If he’s gonna keep a hostage, he might as well put them to good use. So what does he do with Kairos?

He uses him as human furniture. Forces him to also be a pet.

You’re horrified as you watch Kairos crawling around the house with a gag in his mouth and a leash attached to his throat. If Luka feels bold enough, he might even have the words “Luka’s Bitch” decorated on the collar. Oh– and it’s not just a regular collar, either. It’s a shock collar.

Any time Kairos acts out and disobeys Luka, he earns himself a shock so powerful that it causes him to seize and collapse onto the floor.

…This entire time, you thought it was just you in the house. You didn’t know there was another person. You’re not alone.

It makes your stomach churn.

And Luka encourages you to use Kairos as furniture as well. Use him as a footrest, use him as a table or a chair– do whatever.

Over time, deep down, incomprehensible and guilty thoughts begin to appear in Kairos’ mind. Things that made him once want to throw up now make him feel… Funny. He’s so happy that he gets to see your face again–!! He’s finally reunited with the love of his life, it’s just a shame it’s under such horrible circumstances.

Kairos doesn’t mind if you use him like furniture. It’s okay if you do it. But he loathes it when it’s Luka who’s using him.

The difference between you and Luka is like night and day. While Luka berates and degrades him, sometimes even depriving him of basic necessities, you always sneak around and give Kairos lots of love and extra food. 

Kairos always breaks down and cries in your arms when you show him kindness– he’s so very thankful for it. But be sure that Luka doesn’t catch you. If he sees you being sweet towards Kairos, he’ll harshly punish Kairos and then fuck you right in front of him. Every time.

Kairos always feels so pathetic as he's forced to watch you getting ravaged by Luka. The way you're moaning under his touch... The hot, sticky sound of Luka's cock sliding in and out of you... All of this happening while Kairos is tied down and unable to do a thing. He's so fucking hard, and there's nothing there to relieve him. Luka punishes Kairos if he dares to look away.

In order to gain more privileges, both you and Kairos need to work to gain Luka’s favor. If the both of you prove that you’re capable of being trusted, he might give you more freedom. He’ll let you look out the windows every now and then– might even let you use the kitchen. He's much more open to giving you privileges than he is to giving Kairos any.

Except, of course, he always hides all of the sharp objects in the house. He doesn’t want you two to have access to weapons. And if you try to poison him even once, he’ll immediately make the kitchen permanently off limits when he's not around to watch you.

Also, over time, another funny thing happens. Luka doesn’t really like punishing you outside of sex- he'd much rather shower you in rewards. He’d rather save the roughness and punishments for more intimate settings. After all, he’s trying to earn your love– not make you hate him. So, what does he do instead?

Every time you act up, he’ll drag Kairos by his leash and punish him in your stead. After all, he knows that you care about Kairos and his wellbeing, so he uses that against you.

Oh, you just tried to break out of the house? You tried to poison Luka? Well, that deserves a proper punishment. Luka will tie you to a chair and force you to watch as he brutalizes Kairos. Whips him with a belt, kicks him in the stomach, takes away his food privileges for the next 48 hours... It’s horrible.

And in a way… This would cause Kairos to start policing you, too. Which is exactly what Luka wants. Kairos really, really doesn’t want to get punished. I mean, deep down, he’s absolutely happy that he gets to take the beating instead of you– it’s like he’s your hero!! …In some weird and twisted sense. But also, he really doesn’t want to get punished, so… Please don’t act out.

However, when the months keep rolling in, Luka will slowly warm up to Kairos. All of the punishments will grow less severe– and sometimes, Luka just lets you all off with a warning. It’s obvious that a big change has happened when instead of Luka just fucking you in front of Kairos, he lets him join in on the fun.

Except Luka doesn’t really want to touch him– so, he’ll let you touch Kairos instead. It’s what Kairos always wanted– Right?

Kairos should thank him. 

Luka will tie his arms behind his back and keep him firmly locked to a chair, completely naked. Kairos feels so ashamed that he’s hard– but god, he can’t help it. He’s so excited to finally be able to touch you, his darling, the person that should’ve always been his–!

And Luka will make sure it’s enjoyable for everyone. Luka will strip you of your clothes, but he might put you in a cute pair of thigh highs, just for the fun of it. Luka will grab you by your hair and push your face into Kairos’ lap as he utters one phrase, “suck it.”

You’ll do as you’re told– you don’t have much of a choice. Kairos’ eyes instantly light up as you wrap your lips around his sensitive cock.

Finally– his dreams are coming true…! 

Sort of.

As you suck him off, Luka will lift your ass into the air and he’ll fuck your tight hole. He’ll keep his right hand on your hip while his left hand grabs the back of your head, lacing his fingers into your hair. He doesn’t care if you can barely breathe– he’ll shove your head all the way down on Kairos’ dick as he bottoms out inside of you. Occasionally, he’ll lift your head up and lean in to kiss you on the lips.

It’s all so hot– but ultimately, it’s all for you and himself. Luka will always make sure you cum, that’s his top priority. His second priority is to make sure he gets to fill you up. As for Kairos? Well… Luka doesn’t care all that much.

If Kairos doesn’t cum? That’s too bad. It’s Kairos’ own fault that he didn’t come undone. But if he does cum? That’s alright too. 

However, don’t expect Luka to make you stop sucking. Kairos will be squirming in his chair whining like crazy as you overstimulate him, his body trembling from the sensation, but you can’t stop until Luka says you can stop.

The second scenario is much more likely to happen than the first. The moment Kairos looks down and sees your fucked-out face choking on his length… He’ll cum right on the spot– every single time, without fail.

After the first instance of Luka letting Kairos join in the sex, he earns a lot more privileges. He can finally sleep in the same room as you two–!! But he’s not really allowed to rest on the bed. He’ll be forced to curl up and sleep on the floor– but hey, it beats the attic any day, right?

Luka also takes off Kairos' shock collar. Since Kairos has proved himself to be a good boy, he's now allowed to roam around freely. Hell, sometimes Luka will pet Kairos and give him some praise. It... Makes Kairos feel strange, but in a good way.

Kairos is also now allowed to cuddle you sometimes. When you’re simply sitting on the couch and trying to relax, Kairos will immediately hurry over to your side and rest his head in your lap– desperate to feel even an ounce of affection from you. He might ask you to stroke his hair and kiss the bruises Luka left on his skin.

* If Luka is at work and Kairos knows there’s no cameras around, he might beg to suck on your tits– you know, for comfort reasons! It would really make him happy to have them in his mouth– it would be therapeutic, even.

((And if you’re a guy, Kairos will instead beg to frot you. While it’s a lot more dangerous and the punishment for getting caught is heavy, Kairos is willing to risk it all. Don’t worry–! You can just sit there and relax; Kairos will be the one doing all the work with his hand.))

You know how stressful and traumatizing this whole situation has been for him… He needs to be comforted so badly… So.. Pretty please?

In some sick and twisted way, over time, Kairos grows to like the way things are– perhaps his mind does this as a way to cope. He tries his hardest to find all the positives in living this kind of life:

> He gets to spend every minute of every day with you!

> He doesn’t have to worry about talking to strangers.

> He doesn’t have to work and maintain a job.

> He doesn’t have to cook and clean for himself.

The list goes on. Kairos gains all of these benefits, and all he has to do is give up most of his basic human rights and submit to another man…!

Okay, Kairos still admits that is pretty bad. But… At least he has you…! That’s all Kairos really cares about in the end!

For Luka? He’s satisfied with the way things are. Not only does he not have to worry about Kairos ratting him out to the police, but now he has both the love of his life right by his side and a fun little pet to take his stress out on. 

So… Everyone… Wins? In the end? ❤️

[floral-ashes]

We had a rally before the Alberta Legislature today to oppose Danielle Smith’s cruel anti-trans policies. Here is the speech I read:

Danielle Smith is a hypocrite. She says parental rights, but what about the parents who want to support their child accessing gender-affirming care? What about the parents who want their child to know about Two-Spirit, queer, and trans people and receive quality sex education, but will have that choice taken away because of her policy?

She says she wants to keep trans youth’s choices open, but then turns around and bans puberty blockers, which exist precisely to give youth more time.

She says she only wants the best for trans youth, but she threatens to override their constitutionally guaranteed right to life, liberty, and security of the person. How can threatening the life, liberty, and security of a child ever be in their best interest?

Her words are lies. Her policies are a cover for the Tucker Carlsons of the world. For those people who want nothing more than for trans people to be kicked out of society, relegated to the shadow of the closet or the mound of an early grave.

She won’t succeed. They will not succeed. They cannot succeed because—even if they manage to pass their policies, even if they manage to circumvent the constitution and its Charter—they will never be able to stop us from fostering the pockets of care, love, and community that sustain life.

They will never stop us from reminding trans kids every single day that they are worth all we have, that they deserve all we have, and that they can and will grow up into the flourishing adults that I know they will be. This truth, I feel it all the way into the deepest recesses of my heart. Just as others’ love has nourished us, so will we nourish others with our love.

Despite it all, we will win. We will never stop fighting. We are tireless. And when we tire of fighting, we will find our second wind and only come back stronger. Danielle Smith and her UCP cronies will not know a second of rest until these policies are buried and they are ousted from power for their failures.

This is not the end of a story. This is not the end of our story. In the end, we will win. No matter how long it takes. Because trans people are worth it. Trans kids are worth it. They breathe spirit into the world. They bring light to each and every one of our lives. Trans people are divine. And what is light and spirit cannot lose. Despite it all, we will win.

[dragonseeds]

do you have any thoughts on daenys the dreamer?

extremely fun and obvious play on the cassandra figure. a version where her family not only believes her but venerates her visions and prophecies—like, she saves them and a handful of dragons and, in doing so, the world, but it also curses her bloodline. the thing that once saved them becomes an obsession that consumes them literally in wildfire. the idea that you can be doomed by believing in and actively trying to fulfill a prophecy (aegon v at summerhall, melisandre and stannis) just as easily as others are doomed by their disbelief or their attempts to circumvent fate (cersei echoing my buddy king laius)—like that’s so, so cool to me. i love the ambiguity between fate and choice, the way grrm takes the whole trope apart and plays with all the individual components.

also very interested in the line running from daenys to daenerys, and i always wonder if daenys saw her too and if so, how much of her life daenys saw and was able to contextualize? did she see clear images like melisandre and bran or more metaphorical ones, like jojen or dany in the house of the undying? something like… a dragon with three heads fighting in a frozen wasteland lol?

considering the the loss of female power in house targaryen is so deeply entwined with the dying of the dragons, underneath all of that for me is aemon’s line in affc and the context that follows it:

what were they translating?? were some of the documents in other languages? it couldn’t have all been daenys’ works because aemon says they’ve been wrong for a thousand years. this prophecy has been a motivating factor for the targaryens (and valyrians?) for a thousand years, but i wonder at what point the translation error actually crept in? daenys was valyrian and that would’ve been her primary language—i like to think she would’ve understood the nature of the dragon in a way her male descendents couldn’t. no one ever looked for a girl, but it was always a girl. not men in a patriarchal feudalist society reducing women to their reproductive capabilities (rhaella’s miserable life being one of the most egregious examples of this) and then being surprised when a woman is needed to rebirth the dragons lol.

this got away from me because i think the (deconstruction of the) use of prophecy in asoiaf is fascinating and everything we know about daenys is tied up in that. cutting myself off before i start talking about gender as it relates to this prophecy. beyond that, i’m really not interested in interpretations of daenys where she’s catatonic or broken by what she’s seen any more than i am in interpretations of dany where she goes mad, just because i’m sick of the seeing the general victimization of women in asoiaf taken to such an extreme that they’re defined by it—with whoever suffers most ecstatically being the least problematic to stan, especially when the women in question are from/associated with house targaryen.

[cantheykillmacbeth]

Not sure if this qualifies as a valid question. Obviously any magical girl from Madoka could kill Macbeth, gender clause. BUT. Do you think that a magical girl with enough potential could wish for a man of woman born to kill Macbeth and it could happen?

Yes, Madoka Kaname from Puella Magi Madoka Magica could kill Macbeth!

In the anime, Kyuubey states that Madoka has become powerful enough to alter the laws of the universe itself if she wished for it. I would say this is definitely enough to count as a Unique Exception, being able to circumvent Macbeth's prophecy, though even if you don't agree for whatever reason, she herself still could do to the Gender Clause.

Madoka Kaname was also submitted by @the-library-of-forgotten-endings. Thank you both for your submission!

[chawarin-panich]

Disclaimer: I'm not Thai and this contains a lot of conjectures that needs to be fact checked by someone who is either Thai/ knows enough about Thai folk culture to comment. So the tits out nagini played by Babe joke (that I'm really enjoying this isn't to knock us having a laugh down) really made me think about how demonizing female tits is a relatively post christian missionary disseminating puritanism as a extra religious extra cultural inherent to human civilization idea. So then, are the naginis meant to have their tits out and is using babe to portray the authentic nagini style of dress just a clever way of circumventing modern laws about censorship? Bottom line is - I don't know and I have no way of knowing on account of having zero access to Thai people but I do have some evidence:

Babe is wearing a 'female' style of dress

I don't think I really needed to start here because the deliberate use of female pronouns makes it fairly clear that Babe is supposed to be a woman here but there's also the chain, the scarf, the long hair, gaudier accessories etc 2. Babe and Freen are supposed to be the same person and look very very similar, more similar than they do in real life but maybe even identical for narrative purposes

The show has pushed the audience towards suspension of disbelief when it comes to how similar Freen and Babe look. The portrait of Freen as the Nagini looks like Freen and NOT Babe and yet all the characters in the show are convinced it looks like Tharn (played by Babe). This told me that no matter what I think for the show to make sense to me Babe and Freen look like they could be twins for all that reality matters. They have the same name and modern day Wansarut, played by Babe, shows up as a reflection of the past Wansarut, played by Freen, BEFORE the transformation at the end of ep 5

In fact, the transformation is never shown and modern!Wansarut appears fully formed in front of Phaya as though once Phaya has allowed himself to open his eyes, he can see the truth - that they're the same. Their gender is never shown to 'transform' on screen and I think what this show is pushing for is that gender is just NOT an inherent part of their identity. IMO, that's taking it a step further than simply saying Wansarut was a girl in past life and Wansarut is a boy in this life. It's like saying Wansarut is Wansarut, whether Wansarut is a a boy or girl is just as relevant as whether Wansarut is wearing modern day clothing or traditional clothing. 3. The women have their tits out too????

look at freen's hand, that's not a shirt, that's her skin and it's the same color as Babe's clothing is when Babe plays Wansarut

same with Songjet she doesn't have the scarf or chains and her shirt is textured to the scales of a serpent. I think this is a tits out look too.

All their tits on principle appear to be out 4. Are tits out nagini the tradition? This is the part I have no idea. It's not like googling a hundred nagini statues from thailand will tell me when they were made easily or accurately. All I can say is that all the anthropomorphized nagini statues that were wearing clothes were very obviously wearing clothes and not scale textured clothing. There's also these tits proudly out variations

[queeranarchism]

https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2024-16010-001.html

Do Gender Assessments Prevent Regret in Transgender Healthcare? A Narrative Review

Florence Ashley, Neeki Parsa, til kus, Kinnon R. MacKinnon

Ashley, F., Parsa, N., kus, t., & MacKinnon, K. R. (2023). Do gender assessments prevent regret in transgender healthcare? A narrative review.Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1037/sgd0000672

Abstract

Gender assessments are traditionally required before accessing gender-affirming interventions such as hormone therapy and transition-related surgeries. Gender assessments are presented as a way of preventing regret experienced by some people who reidentify with the gender they were assigned at birth after medically transitioning. This article reviews the theoretical and empirical foundations of commonly used methods and predictors for assessing trans patients’ gender identity and/or dysphoria as a condition of eligibility for gender-affirming interventions. We find that the DSM-5 diagnosis, taking gender history, standardized questionnaires, and regret correlates rely on stereotyping, arbitrary, and unproven considerations and, as a result, do not offer reliable ways of predicting future regret over-and-above self-reported gender identity and embodiment goals. This finding is corroborated by empirical data suggesting that individuals who circumvent gender assessments or pursue care under an informed consent model do not present heightened rates of regret. The article concludes that there is no evidence that gender assessments can reliably predict or prevent regret better than self-reported gender identity and embodiment goals. This conclusion provides additional support for informed consent models of care, which deemphasize gender assessments in favor of supporting patient decision making.

read more

[1997thebracket]

Round 6 - FINALE

The winner takes all! Which piece of media deserves to be the Champion of 1997?

Revolutionary Girl Utena: If it cannot break its shell, the chick will die without ever being born. This sentiment, originally found in Hermann Hesse’s 1919 novel Demian, features during a repeated sequence in the 1997 anime Revolutionary Girl Utena. Hesse is far from the only reference to philosophical, surrealist, or heavily symbolic text in the show, which trades in visual metaphor and multi-layered subtext. Revolutionary Girl Utena follows the story of Utena Tenjou, a young orphan who aspires to princehood-- challenging or outright circumventing the place of gender in that aspiration-- and is entangled in a series of duels centered around a girl named Anthy Himemiya. Written by Kunihiko Ikuhara, Chiho Saito, and Yōji Enokido (known collectively as Be-Papas) and soundtracked by J.A. Seazer and Shinkichi Mitsumune, the show has an instantly recognizable style, combining lush fairytale visuals and French-inspired architecture with a choir that functions as a sort of Greek chorus to the internal worlds externalized in combat. Utena is a story about many things, arguably all things, taking a surgical scalpel to adolescence and using the flat of the blade as a paintbrush, leaving a deeply human, visceral work of art in its wake. It has been massively influential on feminist, queer & sapphic, and otherwise gender-deconstructive or gender-subversive modern media. Smash the world's shell! For the revolution of the world!

Radiohead's OK Computer: I go forwards, you go backwards, and somewhere we will meet. By the middle of the decade, Radiohead was weary of the ubiquity of their 1993 hit Creep; although the record that followed it (The Bends) was a lusher, more evolved album than their first, it had failed to produce a distinctive enough image for the band to undo what Creep had done. The song threatened to define the band entirely to those outside their devoted following. In 1997 the band swung for the fences with the haunting, abstract OK Computer. It was a move their label cast immense doubt on at the time, and its success then and now would cement Thom Yorke and his bandmates as soothsayers of a sort, draped not in bohemian silk robes but in white hospital sheets. It's an album that speaks to the future with dread more than wonder, that critics described as "nervous almost to the point of neurosis," but marries the uneasy experimental soundscapes with poetic, surrealist, and increasingly prophetic songwriting regarding the parallel lives we lead with technology. Featuring the singles Karma Police, Paranoid Android and No Surprises, OK Computer is hailed by many as the band's magnum opus: it's certified double Platinum in the US and five-times Platinum in the UK, and in 2014 it was included in the United States National Recording Registry as "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant."

[wing-ed-thing]

Marriage Pact (Erwin x Reader) Part I

Synopsis: To the surprise of the cadets, Commander Erwin is married to more than just his work. Their curiosity brings up fond memories of your and Erwin’s early days in the scouts.

Word Count: 5K

Tags/Warnings: Language, Mild Sexualization, Drinking Alcohol, Gender Neutral Reader, Non-Binary Hange, Fluff

Notes: My favorite part of writing for AoT is that most fics take place in this nebulous part of the timeline due to the years between the season releases (especially between 1-2). Ah, it makes it all the much simpler to be self-indulgent.

Song Pairing: Rumors are Flying - Frankie Carle 

“Commander Erwin is married?” 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” 

Mikasa delivered a swift swat to the back of Eren’s head, causing him to nearly choke on his rations. Sitting around the wooden table, the group quickly dismissed his complaints, a chorus of playful snickers and jabs drowning him out. After a long day of adrenaline-filled work, the members of the 104th readily accepted any entertainment, no matter how low-hanging.

“He wears a ring on his finger. How could you not notice?” Jean scoffed, pausing with his mug halfway to his lips. His brows furrowed in judgment as he leaned with his elbows on the table. “With your level of observational skill, I wouldn’t be surprised if you got chomped off your horse the moment you stepped outside the wall.” Eren followed suit, leaning forward and circumventing Mikasa’s presence entirely to shoot a pointed glare at Jean. Jean sipped his beverage, pretending not to notice.

“Oh, shut up,” Eren gritted through clenched teeth and an exaggerated roll of his eyes. “Why would I be looking at Commander Erwin’s hands in the first place—” Sasha nodded a few times into her bread. 

“Yeah! I always just look at his ass!” Sasha’s admission made any words die on Jean’s lips, his face contorting from self-assured condescension to acutely horrified confusion. Connie let out a bombastic cackle as the table turned their attention to Sasha. She quirked a brow as she stuffed more food into her mouth. “What? Good looking man, good looking ass….”

“That’s a married man you’re talking about, Sasha!” Connie scolded, his tone laced with a comical bite.

“If he’s even married!” She jabbed her pointer finger out in front of her, gesturing wildly to her group of friends. She shrugged, finally swallowing her mouthful of food as she stroked her chin. Sasha cast her eyes downward in thought. “We don’t know that for sure….”

“Like hell we do!” Jean sputtered, finally pulling himself together. He glanced around at the others in hopes that someone else would be on his side. “He is. He literally wears a wedding ring.” He waved his palms in circles in front of himself, growing frantic as no one appeared to back him. 

“That doesn’t mean he’s married.” Connie mirrored Sasha, the two taking greater joy in their posing than the conversation itself. Jean threw up his hands, letting his palms slap against his lap. 

“What the hell else could it mean? What else could wearing a ring on his ring finger mean?” He locked eyes with Armin, who quickly tore his gaze away. Apparently, it was a tough recruitment day for the Coalition of Reason. 

“Well… It’s just that…” Eren trailed off. Jean’s eyes shot up at him, almost daring him to side with Sasha and Connie’s comically stupid reasoning. Eren quirked the side of his lips almost indifferently. “He just doesn’t seem like the type for that kinda thing, you know?” Connie shook his head, tearing the crust off his bread as he did so. 

“I disagree; Commander Handsome is hot.”

“No, no, now you’re talking about two different things,” Reiner interjected, apparently having reached the threshold to have skin in the debate about Erwin’s marital status. His arms coiled across his chest as he sat up a bit straighter. “Someone can be hot and not be married or vice-versa. I rest my case.” He nodded to himself confidently. 

“He’s literally wearing a wedding ring!” Jean exclaimed with exasperation, accenting each of his words as he pounded his fist on the table. No one seemed to notice. 

“It would have to be someone who isn’t in the military,” Ymir told Christa. The pair were having a separate conversation near the end of the table. Reiner leaned forward to catch Ymir’s eye. She narrowed her gaze before he even spoke.

“Why d’ya think that?” 

Ymir rolled her eyes, shifting in her seat to face the rest of the table. She rested one elbow on the table and the other on her bent knee. 

“You know that the only kind of person stupid enough to marry Erwin Smith would be a civilian who doesn’t know about all the fucked up shit that goes on around here.” Ymir cocked her head, her bangs sliding across her forehead. She played with the rim of her empty cup. “Besides, can’t you see that smarmy bastard with a little homemaker to rub his shoulders when he gets home?” The lines around Reiner’s nose wrinkled as a smile broke out across his lips.

“Hey, what’s wrong with that?”

“Guys, you’re all missing what’s right in front of you.” Eren crossed his ankles under the table. He brought his fist down into the open palm of his opposite hand. “Commander Erwin is clearly married to the Survey Corps.” 

“I guess your options would be limited if you’re going into the scouts,” Armin considered aloud, eyes as haunting as usual. A few glances were shared across the table, and with the mention of senseless murder, the conversation quickly moved along.

***

Jean would almost forget the debate completely by the next day. Whether or not the Scout’s commander had a spouse or not ultimately didn’t hold much weight to Jean in the grand scheme of things. 

He rapped on the large wooden door to your office, only waiting a moment to hear your muffled permission before letting himself in. You stood by the window, still looking out the glass when Jean took his first step in. You turned to him with a smile.

“Ah, Jean! It’s good to see you. How have you been?” 

Jean’s shoulders relaxed at the sound of your voice. He hadn’t even realized how tense they had been. Between expeditions, responsibilities among the Scouts comprised mostly of administrative work and training, the administrative part being more significant than Jean expected. Being a new recruit meant he would spend his fair share of days as a gopher for clerical work. But out of all the offices he could have been sent to, the errand runners in the scouts fought over visiting your office the most. 

“Things are going as well as they can,” Jean sighed, the sides of his lips curling up into a boyish half-smile. You let out a puff of amused air, shaking your head as you motioned for him to come farther into your spacious office. You didn’t even feel like an officer most of the time, let alone a captain.

“You talk like a Scout already,” you chuckled, “Come have tea and show me what you’ve brought me.”

Jean pushed the door behind him as he entered the room, the latch bolt not quite catching in the strike, leaving the door slightly ajar. He sat in one of the chairs in front of your desk, shifting the legs across the modest carpet as you poured two cups of tea. The tea set sat on a metal cart to the left of your desk. Jean tossed the bundle of files he brought on a wooden rack, dwarfing the other papers that required your review.

You handed Jean a dainty, rose-patterned teacup on an equally delicate saucer. The intricate design complimented the similar pattern on your uniform insignia, or at least Jean had always thought so. He held the cup up to his lips and welcomed the sweet flavor. You always knew how to make a good cup of tea. A large enough salary to afford a modest sugar supply didn’t hurt either. 

“Well, I’ll be damned,” you mused, grabbing the stack that Jean had just put in your paper basket with one hand. The papers must have amounted to three inches in thickness at least. You let them fall in the space in front of you, causing an audible slap on the desk’s surface. The liquid in your teacup trembled. You locked eyes with Jean, amused. “I can only imagine what’s been going on in your neck of the woods to require this much… debriefing.” You thumbed through the file pages, unwrapping rubber bands when warranted. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think Erwin was trying to get rid of me with all… this. He thinks he’s being cheeky.” 

That should have been Jean’s first clue, but his eyes and attention wandered around your office. Frankly, a new recruit remaining in the room while a superior officer reviewed documentation wasn’t common. But with recent internal shifts in the military, you often asked your errand-runners to stay due to the high volume of administrative mistakes. You found it easier to ask a soldier sitting in front of you to return with a needed but missing document rather than putting a formal request in and waiting. Jean didn’t mind the break, and you knew as much.

His attention settled on a wardrobe to his right. Above the three polished wooden drawers sat a pair of glass doors. Jean peered in, studying the display inside. On one side of the wardrobe hung a crisp Scout cloak. Its presentation made it appear like it hadn’t been used in years. The other side of the glass display was lined with three shelves. A horizontal picture frame sat on the second of the three. Jean leaned forward to get a better look.

“Captain.” You looked up at the sound of his voice. He turned to meet your gaze. “You were in the Scouts?” You hummed with a nod of your head, crossing your legs underneath your desk. Your other hand held your place within the stacks of pages. Jean stood slowly, placing his cup and saucer down as he approached the wardrobe curiously. He looked back at you. “May I?” You gave him another nod.

“I was in the Scouts from your age to maybe around four years or so ago.” You shrugged as you continued to review your generous stack of paperwork. Jean tugged open the glass doors, which gave him the slightest bit of resistance. He picked up the picture.

Sure enough, he found you among the cadets in the middle of the group. You looked younger, almost unrecognizable, but something about your face made Jean immediately know it was you. The few familiar faces almost made him chuckle. Hanji hadn’t aged a day. And right beside you stood Erwin.

Jean closed the wardrobe, returning to his chair as he studied the picture. He slouched against the back cushion.

“Not a lot of people in that drawing are here today.” You stared at the back of the frame. Something struck Jean about the quiet sorrow in your eyes. “I try to keep all of them close.”

A light knock sounded at your doorway. With the entrance already ajar, a Garrison cadet stood at the door of your office. She let out a surprised hum upon seeing your company.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, Captain. You have a delivery.” You motioned for the cadet to enter with a knowing smile. The flowers in the vase she carried covered half her face, and as she set them down at the corner of your desk, they covered half of Jean’s too. “From your husband.” You thanked her, and the cadet saw herself out, closing the door behind her. 

“Sorry, Jean,” you said sheepishly, sliding the vase across your desk to reveal your guest. “I’ll get you out of here soon.” He shook his head, fingers tracing the edge of the picture frame.

“I’m fine where I am. Take your time.” 

You offered him a content nod as you continued your work. Jean continued to stare at the flowers that were just brought in. The ornate bouquet of mixed wildflowers was arranged neatly in a modest glass vase. A red ribbon wrapped neatly around the neck, tied into a crisp bow. A little cardholder jutted out from among the petals clutching a small note. 

His attention flickered to your wedding ring.

“I didn’t know you were married,” Jean said, more wondering aloud as he recalled the cadet’s last words. It wasn’t exactly true. He had seen your wedding ring the many times he came to deliver papers to you. Jean supposed he had never thought too much about your marital status, just as his friends said about Erwin the night before. Perhaps last night’s conversation sat too prevalently in his mind. 

“When you’re in this line of work, you have to live while you can.” You shut the large collection of files with a thump. You looked at Jean with a sentiment he had never seen before. “Find what makes you feel warm and never let it go until death. At least that’s what I think.” You leaned over the file with a sigh, face suddenly turning exasperated. “It looks like everything is here. Thank you for bringing the monster over.” 

“No problem,” Jean nodded. He returned the frame to your desk as he stood. He offered you a salute, and with your dismissal, he was on his way. 

You plucked the note from the bouquet as he made his way across the room, taking a second to read it. 

“Cheeky…” you smiled with a shake of your head.

Jean glanced back at you just as he closed your office door, wondering if he saw the initials “ES” on the back of your note.

***

It was the night before an expedition when you proposed it. 

Practically the entire regiment stayed up late after one of you raided a locked-off Military Police closet for booze. Even for the Scouts, morale had been lower than usual. That was probably why Erwin agreed to your little scheme in the first place. You had a way of relating to the squads in a way that was uniquely your own. And while Erwin could give the calm command of a natural leader, only you could organize a night of carefree games and stories as doom and uncertainty loomed over everyone. 

As sleeping bodies lay strewn out across the room, you met Erwin’s blue eyes with a tired sigh. You caught the semblance of a snicker as he leaned back against the stone wall. He shifted on the random cushion you and your squad collected from around headquarters. If Erwin didn’t know any better, he would have thought it was a pew cushion from a church. He shook his head, the corners of his lips causing dimples to appear on his cheeks. You glanced down at Hange, who had fallen asleep in your lap, and back to Erwin with a shrug. Their usual hair tie wrapped around your wrist as you ran your fingers through their hair. The fourth squad leader curled up on a dining table somewhere in the room.

“That was a good thing you did here,” Erwin said, sipping his drink. He had started feeling a rare buzz from the alcohol a while ago, even as carefully as he nursed his drink. Hange kept pouring him more throughout the night despite gentle declines.

“Thank you, but I mean, all I did was rob a storage closet.” You let out a gentle laugh. Erwin’s attention remained on you even as you looked off. The fireplace flicker between the two of you cast a warm glow onto your face. “Actually, you’re the one who broke the lock, so I didn’t really do anything.” You met eyes with him again. He held you in the stark, baby-blue of his irises. Intimate and wordless. Erwin cocked his head to the side in a silent challenge. You let out a snicker with a playful roll of your eyes, and he smiled behind the rim of his mug. 

“I think everyone really enjoyed themselves.” Erwin glanced out into the dark room of sleeping soldiers, each sprawled across your random, borrowed cushions with their cloaks draped over them. Empty bottles of alcohol lay strewn across the floor. 

“Did you?” you asked softly, slowly running your fingers through Hange’s hair. Erwin rolled his cup between his palms, shifting his legs to bend at the knee as he sat back. 

“Yes, I did.” He gave a single nod. He rolled his cup again before coming to hold it by the handle. “It hasn’t been easy to keep everyone’s hopes up. You’re far better at it than me, that’s for sure.” You hesitated.

“I’m glad you had a good time,” you said, downing about half of what remained in your cup. The alcohol made you feel warm and light in the head. But even so, thoughts of the next day’s expedition haunted you. You felt the same about the previous failed missions that everyone else felt, but as a Squad Leader, you pushed yourself to put on a brave face. “I’m glad I could give everyone a little peace of mind before we leave tomorrow. It’s about all I feel I can do.” Erwin frowned.

“Don’t discount yourself.”

“I’m not,” you answered too quickly. The hall's silence took up the space between the two of you. The crackle of the fire popped softly as Erwin studied you closely. He tilted his head as you bowed yours. You braided a random portion of Hange’s hair. “It’s just the truth. If anyone’s going to give them real hope, it’ll be the one making a difference out there. You’re the one the commander keeps in his back pocket.” 

“I don’t connect with the soldiers like this.” Something about his tone made you glance up. Erwin’s face grew serious, not quite angry or upset, but grave. His gaze pierced your spirit, and you hummed complacently. “You know that. I know you do.”

“If anything, all this was for me.” you sighed and shook your head. You took another sip of your drink before returning to your little, random braids. You let out another deep sigh. “They say exactly what I’m trying not to think. And what are you supposed to say?... It fucks with me. Especially when they’re kids.”

“I know.” 

You moved on to another section of Hange’s head, the movements of your fingers growing faster. 

“It’s hard not to get attached. I want them all to be okay, and I just know they won’t all be okay.”

“I know.”

As you finished your second braid, you reached for your drink. Without a second thought, you downed the rest of it. The burn of the ethanol had long gone away. 

“Have you ever thought about marriage and kids and shit?” you mused, perhaps a bit too loud. Erwin’s thick eyebrows shot up, startled but amused by your sudden outburst. Your words echoed through the room, but no one stirred. They stayed suspended in the thick atmosphere as the emotions in your chest darted across your heart. Erwin leaned forward with his elbows on his bent knee, his cup still gripped in one hand. 

“Have I ever thought about marriage and kids and shit?” He repeated, the undertone of a laugh lacing his voice. It almost sounded crass coming from him, and hearing your words over again made you suddenly self-conscious.

“I, uh, I mean—”

“Yeah, I have,” Erwin answered, much to your surprise. He also downed the rest of his beverage, placing his mug on the wooden floor. “With a woman, I knew in my cadet years.” 

Your heart flipped in your chest, caught off guard by Erwin’s sudden vulnerability. The feeling seared like a spear driven straight through you. You knew, logically, that Erwin had to have had a romantic interest in others in the past. Not that it mattered to you in the slightest. Besides, what stake did you have to your fellow Squad Leader? Surely, it was the alcohol.

“Oh,” was about all you could answer. You scrambled to find some other commentary to share that didn’t make it sound like you were too personally invested in Erwin’s romantic affairs. You continued to fidget in an attempt to avoid Erwin’s gaze. A bit of drool poured from Hange’s mouth onto your thigh. Unfortunately, you were not very convincing.

“She’s long been married to my good friend. They’re expecting a second child.” Erwin shrugged. You weren’t sure if the new information made you feel better or worse. 

“I’m sorry,” you offered, unsure what else to say. Erwin shifted on his cushion in your peripheral, his back audibly cracking as he did. The noise made you snort. 

“No need to be sorry. It’s in the past.” 

“Is it?” You observed the orange light that illuminated his strong features. His jaw locked with Erwin’s usual certainty as he nodded. Still, you knew him well enough to pick up the slightest hint of hesitation. “I mean, what happened?” you asked, the alcohol doing away with your filter. Erwin let out a deep sigh, attention somewhat wandering as he debated whether he wanted to say.

“She wanted a family.” He almost sounded resigned with a hint of indifference mixed into his tone. He shook his head as if giving in to a fight he had had many times before. You wondered whose face came to his mind. 

“And… you didn’t?” You pushed, your brow raising as you repositioned yourself. Hange’s head had become heavy, but they didn’t notice as you assumed another sitting position. “It’s not that I didn’t,” Erwin said in a tone resembling playful defensiveness. You glanced up at him briefly, curiosity pushing you to keep digging at him. Erwin stared upward in thought before another slow shake of his head. “You know very well the significance of our role here.”

“And yours is?” He met your eye, and his face scrunched into confusion— something not seen often on Erwin Smith’s face. It was small. It was the slightest crease in his brow and the soft purse of his lip as he tilted his head to the side.

“And mine is what?”

“Your role? What’s the endgame?” You snorted, finding yourself melted into the conversation. The focus wasn’t on you. Between your liquid courage and your fatigue, you let your intrigue guide you. “What’s so important that you’ve sworn off love or whatever—” You gestured dramatically with your hands.

“Okay, I never said I swore off love.” He waved you off as if to physically dismiss the thought from the conversation. Erwin leaned forward to rest his elbow on the knee of one of his crossed legs. He rested his cheek in his hand, officially invested. “You make me sound like a jaded old man.”

“Aren’t you?” Your retort was quick. Erwin’s lip curled in a mock pout. He balled up his cloak, and you shielded yourself with your arm as it hit your cheek. The fabric smelled like him. “Hey!” You laughed, catching the bundle with one hand as you gestured to Hange. Erwin held his hands up in defeat and a playfully exaggerated eye roll. 

You unfurled the cloak. It took a second to orient it correctly before draping it over your shoulders. Erwin’s cloak was slightly longer than yours. You covered Hange’s torso with it as they continued to sleep soundly. Hange could sleep through an earthquake. 

When you turned back to Erwin, he was already staring, a softness in his eyes. You took a quick look behind you, and upon seeing nothing, you turned back to him again.

“So what is it? What’s your role?” You pushed again. Erwin snickered to himself, a silent puff of air escaping his nose, allowing his head to bow as he recovered. 

“To carry out my duties,” he answered, almost unsure. He held himself like you had never seen before. Never had you seen Erwin so relaxed, raw, and playful. You shot back a similar look he had given you earlier in the night: one of skepticism and challenge. Erwin took in a deep breath. “I want to understand what humanity has never understood before. I need to witness truth for myself, I suppose.” He scrunched his forehead, part of him unsure if his words were as diplomatic as he liked.

“And you can’t do that with a family?”

“Well, you were the one who just said stuff about kids and feeling guilty. You said it fucks with you if we’re using your words.” Erwin sat back against the wall, arms crossed over his broad chest. He stretched his long legs out in front of him.

“Who said a family means children?” You mirrored him, leaning back on your palms. Hange remained curled on your lap. Erwin bobbed his head from side to side in consideration.

“You’re right on that point,” he conceded. “Ideally—” You groaned.

“All or nothing is so like you.” You rolled your eyes as you nestled deeper into Erwin’s cloak. He gaped for a second, not knowing how to respond to your casually spoken criticism. 

He sputtered. It was cute.

“I feel like I should take offense to that.” He blinked, taken aback.

“You’re depriving yourself of happiness you know you want because you think there are only two options? Please. Just date someone in the military. Another truth-seeker, if you will.” You let your head lull to the left, resting on your own shoulder as you stared out into the dark room. Two soldiers sat slumped over each other a few feet away. They sat with their cloaks draped over one another, illuminated by the fire. “You know, I heard Owens and Murray have a marriage pact. The two of them say if they get through tomorrow’s expedition alive, they’re going to go straight to the courthouse to get married.”

You almost zoned out, lost in the dim outline of the Wings of Freedom. Perhaps you were getting tired after all. With any luck, you could get at least some sleep in before the expedition.

“Was that a proposal?” You snapped back to reality. Erwin stared as you blinked a few times, lips pursed together mischievously as he held back an amused smile. His leather shoulder straps had fallen the slightest bit off his shoulders.

“What? Of course not!” A warm heat spread under your skin. “I was just telling you something I heard.”

“Well, you were the one telling me to date my comrades and form a marriage pact. I just assumed you were insinuating that you meant with you.” You stammered in disbelief, watching Erwin struggle to hold back his Cheshire grin. “That’s what it sounded like.” His brows rose on his forehead, painting his face with self-assurance akin to cockiness.

“You! In your dreams!” You searched your immediate vicinity for something to throw at him. Finding nothing, you took Hange’s hair tie off your wrist and shot it at Erwin with unmatched speed and dexterity. He dodged it, ducking off to the side as it hit the wall behind him. “You’re full of yourself!” Hange hardly stirred. “I wasn’t suggesting anything. In fact, I was thinking of asking Fletcher.” You crossed your arms with a severe pout.

“Fletcher,” Erwin repeated, the name forming in his mouth like a foreign object. Erwin shook his head in disbelief, blinking his eyes a few times as he did. He stuck out a hand towards you in a forward-slicing motion. “Who puts his ODM gear on backward half the time.”

“Which means he gets it right the other half,” you quickly retorted. Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“You could do so much better,” he groaned. He ran a hand through his neat, blond hair. 

“Fletcher is a perfectly suitable partner, thank you very much.” You glanced off into the dark room, lowering your voice. “I was thinking about it, and I… you know, I don’t think it’s such a bad idea. You have to take a chance and live a little.” Erwin rubbed his chin, still in disbelief. He yawned. 

“I still think you could do better.”

“Well, it’s like you said; it’s not like you have a lot of options when you join the Scouts,” you huffed. Sure, your companion from your cadet years wasn’t the brightest, but at least you were trying to pursue a life while you still could. “If I gamble with heartbreak and lose, I can at least know I achieved something.” Erwin scoffed.

“A gamble, huh?” He rolled his head from shoulder to shoulder, another tense crack popping from his bones. He stretched his arm to the side. Before you could say a word, he let out a concentrated breath. “Okay.” Erwin shrugged, resuming his earlier position leaning against the wall. Even as he closed his eyes, you didn’t like the smug look on his face.

“Okay… what?” You asked suspiciously. 

“I’ll throw my hat into the ring.” He shrugged again, and you nearly threw your hands up in defeat. 

“What ring?” You nearly exclaimed. 

Erwin’s eyes fluttered open. You stared into them with a frown. The fire had since grown smaller, darkening the already dim room. His irises shone brightly, even in the waning glow of the fire. You watched each other in silence and with bated breath. He leaned forward.

“I’d say, if we make it out of the next three expeditions alive, we marry each other.”

His proposition hit you like a frying pan over the head.

You gaped, your mouth opening before closing again. You stumbled over what to say, the semblance of words tripping incoherently out of your mouth until you found it in you to ask a single question,

“Why three?” Erwin actually chuckled at that one. Sheepishness and acute embarrassment burned harder in your cheeks. Considering how long you had known each other, you had no idea what made you so nervous.

“We can gamble and make it five if you’d like.” Erwin crossed one arm over his chest and held his chin with the opposite hand. An excitement, a certain mischief, continued to blaze in his expression.

“You do like a good gamble,” you noticed with hesitancy. You glanced at Owens and Murray, who still slept curled against one another. You eyed Erwin out of your peripheral. “I like three, though,” you mused. “And if you die, I marry Fletcher.” He hummed.

“I don’t think I’m going to die, though. I don’t think you will either.”

“Yeah… I don’t think so either.”

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed and otherwise supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

Notes: I HAVE HAD SO MUCH ERWIN BRAINROT IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY THIS WAS GOING TO BE 1/5 THE SIZE OF THIS FIC PLEASE I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS MAN

Notes: this oneshot will get another part at 50 reblogs!

Part I Part II Part III

[randomfoggytiger]

Scully's Survival Broke The Field Where I Died's Cycle

I noticed something while scrubbing through Mulder's hypnosis: in each past life (the concentration camps and the Civil War battle), Scully is always killed first; then Mulder; then Melissa Reidel.

I think that not only were the souls reborn correctly in this life, but they also ended in the correct order-- that Scully circumvented her destined end in order to save Mulder from his tragic, heroic pitfalls. And, more importantly, that she was alive at the crucial moment of Mulder's life: the moment his exhausted soul was almost doomed to repeat another failed cycle at the hands of Melissa Rydell's destined self-sabotage.

THE IMPORTANCE OF SCULLY'S UNPRECEDENTED SURVIVAL

Mulder has a history of being the first one to get into trouble: it's not two cases in before Mulder sneaks onto an airfield base and gets mindwiped. We know Mulder takes impossible risks even when Scully isn't there to back him up; so, it's more likely he would die on the field than live long enough to be canned from the FBI.

Although Mulder wasn't going to be killed in Deep Throat (just returned more scrambled on release) Scully wouldn't have been able to save him from fate or himself if she'd died later in Squeeze, Ghost in the Machine, Eve, Gender Bender, Lazarus, Young at Heart, Shapes, Darkness Falls, and Tooms. Or, more particularly, in One Breath.

If Scully had died in the forests of Darkness Falls, then Mulder would have been died underground in Tooms. If Scully had died in One Breath-- as she was meant to, it seems-- then Mulder might have died in Firewalker and Aubrey but most certainly in End Game; and when Irresistible didn't kill her, cancer tried to throughout Season 4, which almost caused Mulder's death in Demons, regardless. If Scully died in Kitsunegari, Mulder would've died in Kill Switch and Bad Blood. If Scully died in The Red and the Black, Mulder would've died in Folie a Deux. If Scully had died in Fight the Future, Mulder would have died then or perished soon after in Triangle. If Scully had died in Tithonus, Mulder would have burnt alive at the One Son hanger. If Scully had died in Field Trip, then her presence wouldn't have brought Mulder out of his psychosis (and death) then or in Amor Fati. And lastly, if Scully had died in Orison, Mulder would have died in First Person Shooter and Brand X, etc.

The infamous ending to Pusher exemplifies this dynamic to a 'T': Mulder rushes in without caring for his own safety; but the kill shot was turned on Scully, not Model or himself. And if Scully hadn't saved them both, Model might have taken a bullet to the chest or he might have manipulated Mulder's mind further for his own ends.

But it all ties back most pivotally to One Breath, where she chose to stay instead of pass on. By fighting to live another day, Scully began a patten that lead to her and Mulder's salvation.

MELISSA RYDELL GOES FIRST

Not only is this the first life cycle that Scully survived, but it's also the first cycle that places Scully, Mulder, and Melissa on an even romantic playing field. Mulder subtly acknowledges this by asking where he and Scully still fit with, he assumes, a soulmate wedged between them: "Dana, if, um, early in the four years we'd been working together... if we'd been friends together, in other life times, always, would it changed some of the ways we looked at one another?" Scully doesn't believe in fate, living her life by the dictates of her conscience; and Mulder's question doesn't shake those beliefs, either.

And not only does Scully survive with the ability to rival Melissa's hold on Mulder, but she and Mulder are also this cycle's first unprecedented survivors: Melissa (Mulder's tragic mirror) dies first and dies alone. Mulder still broke rank in his attempts to save her; but by heeding protocol as long as he did, Mulder was too late to be killed before Rydell or join her in death.

Why did he play by the rules that long? Because the impact of Scully's partnership-- years of insisting he follow the guidelines created for his protection-- kept his destructive tendency at bay long enough to save him from certain death. Her active presence by his side reinforced this decision when it mattered most: the moment that changed the course of their fate.

CONCLUSION

It's like Scully said: "Even if I knew for certain, I wouldn't change a day." She doesn't believe in fate; and The Field Where I Died's implications would therefore suggest Scully beats back destiny through sheer force of will, besting the monsters that hunt her as easy prey and saving Mulder from the demons driving him harder and faster into irrational action.

And she won. Cancer was already growing in her brain; but Scully outlasted the cycle that trapped her, Mulder, and Rydell's souls: that she die first (or that she die at all.)

Souls may mate eternal; but her choice broke old chains and saved their fate.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[akajustmerry]

I'm always thinking about the Roylings and gender, how parents inform so much of how children view gender, and how the Roys all uniquely failed to adhere to their father's standards of men and women and thus fail at gender in the world he's made. I'm always thinking how Connor's mother being mentally ill and Logan's absence as a father probably made him view Connor as less of a man and as nothing despite Logan being responsible for the absence of both parents, how this makes Connor a non-person to Logan and thus the world. I'm always thinking how Kendall's relationships with men draws so much homophobic humiliation from Logan and how Kendall fails to be a father and husband in part because of his addiction, both of which are rooted in the example Logan set for him yet Logan punishes Kendall for these things. Then there's roman who fails the most basic aspect of gender in Logan's eyes (sex), whose emotional vulnerability is also a failure to adhere to Logan's most simple principles - for which he punished Roman so severely that Roman can never outrun shame long enough to be a person let alone a man. Finally, there's shiv who didn't even have to do anything to fail at gender because she was born wrong, born a girl, born something her father would not see and her mother refused to hear, constantly attempting to emulate the men around her in an effort to be seen and heard only for that to make her even less worthy in the eyes these men when she failed. And here at their father's funeral, this failure is on full display for each of them, but the only reason Kendall circumvents his failure of the standards set by his father is by doing the same things Logan did to circumvent his own failures. Kendall wins the world, becomes the Man™ his father was and that his siblings could never be, and it will only cost everything that should have mattered.

[saturnicos]

Heyy can u do Riddle, Jamil & whoever else you choose (separately) X party girl!reader? Someone who loves music, dancing, clubs and stuff like that? They might still be good at studies or it might affect them, you choose ! Thank uuu (⁠~⁠‾⁠▿⁠‾⁠)⁠~

heyyy hii, thx for the request!! :)

my writing style (in second person) naturally transforms the reader into gn, and how gender was not entirely relevant in this scenario I thought it would be ok to leave it like that! furthermore, I took both cases on the studies, I can't make a genuine choice lol

[ → ] jamil viper, riddle rosehearts, deuce spade x party!reader (separately)

[cw/tw]: none

★ Jamil Viper

Jamil isn't the most festive type for several reasons, from his own preference to being the one who organizes and prepares parties at Kalim's request, rarely being able to enjoy the party while he needs to watch him; he was born for servitude and not to enjoy these events, so he had to suppress himself from a young age about this kind of thing.

So, when you are a vivid and radiant soul about it, he could already imagine the headache he would have in having to deal with a slightly calmer version of Kalim during the parties in Scarabia. When he took time and realized on different levels how far apart you two are in your taste for parties — like, for example, not caring as much about parties as lavish or as big as Kalim likes, just enjoying them in general — he would see you more like someone who appreciates the different angles that the party concept can present as art and fun. A little like he does :)

If you decided to start a party or music/dance club, he would support you! If it's a passion of yours, why not? He would be very accommodating and would even give you advice based on his experience. Furthermore, at the end of the day, it would be less tiring for him to listen to you monologue about how the club's activities were then having to accompany you to every event that you found interesting to participate in.

But hey! If you persist and insist a lot, besides getting Kalim to stay distracted long enough and in the hands of someone Jamil truly trusts, he might give in and enjoy the music with you at some of the parties in Scarabia, as well as finally being able to have a time to practice his hobby with you without Kalim's intervention! :)

I feel that, in general, he doesn't have exact preferences in music or dance — although he clearly appreciates more the musical and traditional culture of the place he came from, we are all a little like that —, so even choosing that wouldn't be a problem, he would just enjoy dancing with you.

Now, however, if your festive nature ends up negatively impacting and interfering with your performance at school, resulting in many below-average grades, get ready to hear a — perhaps — not very kind lecture from Jamil, pointing out how you shouldn't let your priorities go sideways like this.

He tries to say it in a softer way, of course, but it always ends in a harsh tone — he is inspired by a viper, after all.

He doesn't have much free time to be able to help you directly with your studies, but he will try to ensure that your note-taking performance improves significantly, in addition to banning you from participating in the next parties in Scarabia until the current two-month period ends with you having good grades. And if you try to circumvent this, you can be sure he would use his unique magic on you.

Now, if not, he doesn't care so much. If you can balance your love of music and dance with your studies, who would be he to complain about that? It's one less thing to worry about for him — again, it comes out in a harsh tone even though it wasn't his intention — so he's relieved :)

★ Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle can be very 50/50 with you.

If your kind of taste in parties resembles unbirthday parties, he would be happy! Having someone to organize and think about each subsequent Heartslabyul party, along with coaching him on songs he could add without completely breaking the Queen of Hearts rules, is an idea he deeply appreciates. No one takes partying as seriously as he does — the ones that supposedly do are usually out of fear or fear of having their head cut off — so having someone who shares the same sentiment is refreshing for him.

If your taste in parties is very different from this — like the parties in Scarabia — he may not appreciate it. He definitely doesn't take any kind of detest, but it's something a bit out of place for him; the idea of calm parties doesn't necessarily appeal to you, but rather parties that are more vibrant and hectic.

It's not something he enjoys as much because it's different from the Queen of Hearts party pattern, but he doesn't think he'd have any problem accompanying you to them. In fact, if you ask him to dance, he might end up having fun even if he is reluctant! He probably doesn't have much knowledge or idea of the type of dance or choreography of these events, so please teach him, he might end up not being so good in such an extroverted environment and even feel a little embarrassed, but he would spend a fun moment.

Now, studies. Another thing he could be 50/50 on.

If you could balance your festive spirit with your academic performance, Riddle would be impressed. Not that he's the type to stereotype people, but generally people with a great festive sense don't pay enough attention to doing well at school — he grew up being educated harshly by his mother and, consequently, still has certain retrograde thoughts even trying to improve —. He would sometimes comment with Trey on how the prefect seems to stand out so much in such diverse fields.

Now, in case this affects you, my dear... No one is truly prepared for Riddle's sermons, and unfortunately this even applies to you. You would be forced to listen to a lecture about how outrageous it is that you put your studies aside because of your love of partying, citing long speeches about how you should be more committed to this kind of thing and how it can negatively affect your future. Bla bla bla, this non-ironically could last an hour or two, but within the first ten minutes you already want to melt into the couch as he berates you for not paying attention.

He would offer to help you improve your performance at school with extended study sessions after school or on weekends, going over all the material calmly with you. And this routine wouldn't end until you managed to maintain good grades in the two months.

★ Deuce Spade

He's another one who isn't particularly the party type. Deuce likes parties, of course, but he is not an enthusiast or amateur of them to any great extent, I think he just enjoys these types of events?

Even though he isn't, he makes a point of accompanying you to the parties you're going to if you invite him! He is happy to be able to spend time with you and still have fun. Besides, he promised himself that he would be there to defend you if bad people or idiots tried anything with/against you.

Please teach this boy dance steps, he is completely lost in the middle of the room, not knowing exactly what he should do. He wants to be your dance partner, but he can't understand what choreography the song playing requires.

If you talked to Deuce about a dance/music club, he would support you in both creating and joining one! He is a complete support and would support you in any decision you made, just looking for your smile at the end of the day while you happily comment on how it was.

Also expect questions distributed throughout the day about how the club went, if you had plans, what activities you planned, if you intend to take leadership in any upcoming festive events at school, if you are happy. He's a sweetheart who wants to make sure he listens to you and makes you feel comfortable about his hobby, trying to show as much support as possible :(

If you had good grades, great! He's happy that you find a healthy place to maintain a passion of yours with your schoolwork (he'd probably ask you for help on how you keep your GPAs so high, seeing you as a genuine role model).

If not, he is not strict about the issue of your grades and will never scold you if your hobby is affecting them. He, however, would try to gently explain to you how you could harm yourself if you remained at this pace and were unable to balance it with your academic life, making clear his concern that you would end up repeating an action he had done in the past.

Deuce isn't the best at explaining, but he would try his best if you asked him for help. He could end up teaching you the wrong subject or even giving you the wrong formula for the question, but please be patient with this poor boy, he is trying his best to help you.