#cisnormativity is the problem

[ruuari]

from "a trans man walks into a gay bar" by harry nicholas

[candiid-caniine]

Oh wait this is actually great, if you have a clit piercing you can try out little t-dick chastity options for all of us trans boys who dont have piercings yet so we know what to get ;3 if I can figure it out, I'll even print and send you a tiny chastity device myself for you to test for us >:3

hhhholeeuy shit I would LOVE? tbh I've always wished I had the right equipment for a lil chastity cage! I know some companies make piercing equipped clit shields, I think it's extreme steelwerks or something, but I've heard they're very uncomfortable, you need like piercings specifically aligned properly, and they don't exactly work as intended. but I never considered custom making/designing something more outfitted as a cock cage than a clit shield... so many good ideas!!

[heavencasteel420]

I like it when I read a post-show fic and I don’t read the tags closely enough and it’s mentioned that a male character doesn’t have a penis, because for a second I’m like “fuck! Vecna took his thang!” and then I realize oh he is just trans.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

big question. i'm cis (afab) and my gf is trans (amab) and i'm sorta having a hard time reconciling something. i've been a hard line feminist since i was about 8, by 12 i was a practical library on everything and anything womens lib. i'm spending a lot more time around trans people especially my gf now and i'm sorta struggling to reconcile the trans experience with my feminism. like- i'll see trans women being like "i hate my body :(" "my voice is awful" "i need [x thing to try to pass] ugh" and like my first thought is always "NO! THATS HOW THEY FUCKING GET YOU!!! THE PATRIARCHY WANTS YOU TO HATE YOURSELF SO YOU ENSLAVE YOURSELF TO CAPITALISM AND LIVE IN A CONSTANT STATE OF NEED FOR NEW PRODUCTS TO WARD OFF THE EVER PRESENT SELF HATRED BROUGHT ON YOU BY SOCIETY" and they go "well then how do i pass/transition?" and i honestly don't know and i also don't know how far it goes before its no longer dysphoria but instead the intentional subjugation of women by patriarchy for profit. i wanna help my fellow ladies but i honestly don't know how to like- apply the feminism i was taught as a child to trans women and i want to learn as soon as possible so that i can start doing it like yesterday

hi there,

I'll be honest: if it feels hard to apply the feminism you learned as a kid to your trans friends, that's probably because the feminism you were taught didn't have trans woman in mind.

luckily, the answer to this is something that I consider to be feminism 101: what a woman does with her body is, ultimately, her fucking business.

listen: I agree with you that the beauty industry(TM) is evil. it's misogynistic, it's exploitative, it thrives by making women feel bad enough about themselves to make them spend money on shit they don't need, etc. we all know this.

now, having said that: women who like makeup or wear heels or get laser hair removal or whatever other asinine thing are not my oppressor, nor are they my enemy. dare I say, we have bigger problems.

we also need to consider that many trans women are coming to these choices from a VERY different place than many cis women are. while I think my fellow cis women really benefit from reminders that they're allowed to stop shaving or wearing eyeliner or dieting or whatever, that's because most of us have had those actions forced on us from very young ages and may genuinely need a hand to feel secure breaking out of those behaviors.

the majority of trans women are not coming from a background where they were encouraged to partake in the same personal grooming habits and modes of presentation as cis women; many of them have, in fact, been ostracized, bullied, threatened, and otherwise hurt because of forays into forms of presentation that are considered feminine. no matter how good your intentions may be, approaching your advice indelicately can, unfortunately, make you come across as no different than any transphobe on the street trying to enforce cisnormative societal expectations. it also must be said that, for many trans women, the ability to "pass" is a matter of security - for having their status as women recognized at all, and to avoid harassment and abuse in public spaces. if you live in America, like I do, politicians in power currently have an extremely explicit anti-trans agenda that can make it harrowing to be visible as a trans person, and trans women in particular are frequently targeted for violence.

there are absolutely critiques to be made the way the many trans women are expected to perform hyperfemininity. the notion that someone is duty bound to drastically change their appearance in order to transition at all is itself extremely rooted in cisnormativity, and "passing" is often contingent on being young, thin, able-bodied, reasonably wealthy, and hewing as closely to Eurocentric standards of beauty as possible. that's not awesome! but that's also not the fault of any individual; no trans person asked to be born into a world where gender norms are so narrow and failing to pass can come with a very real risk of physical danger.

also, if I can circle back to this: again, women who participate in aspects of the beauty industry are not our enemies. there are always going to be some number of women who enjoy doing their makeup or like spending time fussing over their little outfits or want breast implants or whatever. some of those women are going to be trans. my official feminist stance on this is that I don't give a shit, because I believe in bodily autonomy even when it involves things I would not do personally and the choices that individual women make about how they want to style their little meat body don't even crack the top 100 things that I'm worried about right now. it's actually kind of vitally important, politically, that trans people be able to safely pursue their preferred gender expression; while it's not particularly revolutionary for a cis woman to go outside all dolled up, whether a trans woman can do that safely is a pretty basic litmus test for how safe a given space is for queer people. it's a ridiculously low bar, and many places will still fail to clear it.

so, yeah, I don't know, dude. be there to talk to your trans girlies if they want to start unpacking some of the pressure they feel to conform to a very rigid idea of womanhood, but whether or not they can walk down the street in your neighborhood safely is a WAY bigger issue than whether they decide to do voice training or not.

if you really want to cut to the root of the insecurity and vulnerability that the beauty industry thrives on exploiting, your time is much better spent working to ensure the trans women in your life feel safe and supported and have a community where they can find support regardless of how they look.

necessary disclaimer I'm a cis girl, any transfemme folks please share your voice here and feel free to clap my ass if I've said something out of line.

[plaidos]

you can have "become pregnant" on for all sims

rrright, and by the laid out logic of the sims world, that means somebody who was born with a uterus. like sure you can go into CAS and tick that box on somebody but you're effectively changing that person's assigned gender . i have a lot of problems with how the sims 4 handles trans sims, i think it's a total patchwork solution to the wider problem of "ea fundamentally takes the gender binary too seriously & injects cisnormativity into everything they do"

[transfemme-shelterdog]

One thing I dont understand about some people's takes on transandrophobia is that-

Why is it so wrong to just have a subcategory? I don't care about being 'included' when it comes to transmisogyny, im actually comfortable (or at least, indifferent) with the idea that its only for transfems

Why can't we have the same but for transmascs? Why does there even need to be a debate about it

What's wrong with having 'transphobia' be the umbrella term, but then have separate subcategories like how 'transgender' is an umbrella term but then has "trans men, transmasc, trans women, transfem, nonbinary, agender, (etc)" beneath it

I don't see what's so wrong with us having a space to talk to each other and offer eachother support, especially when real life support groups for trans men are all... really bare-bones and often *unsafe* for us. I feel like everybody deserves a space to feel heard.

Just dumping this all here bc I know you'll understand

So, I've seen a few arguments against it:

"Androphobia isn't real, so transandrophobia isn't real"

"Trans men/mascs are treated as men/mascs so they benefit from male privilege and thus don't face oppression, and a word isn't needed"

"This is no different than MRA arguments which are misogynistic"

To which, I offer the following

Words mean different things based on the context of the word, and the meaning behind it. You can't just break down a word into its parts, and then treat other words that use the same parts have the same meaning. For example, endocannibalism is hugely different from endometriosis, endocrinology, or endocast. But they all start with endo-. Hell, fluffing can mean prepping a porn actor for their shoot, or even a PR tactic that involves spinning a topic to present it in the most positive light. Saying "Well X has the same root words, so it has to mean same thing" is like refusing to get a subphrenic abscess drained in the hospital because phrenology is a debunked science.

Not all men experience male privilege, I literally met a homeless man just today who was on the street with his dog. I bought himself and his dog some food, as I didn't want either of them to starve. The man was white, and a man. Yet he was homeless and needed help. Where's his male privilege? Also, trans men/mascs that aren't seen as men and aren't able to stealth aren't seen as their gender. They're seen as brainwashed women who mutilated their perfect bodies.

Sure, MRAs and people who talk about TA have some overlap. But the difference is how they treat women, treat queers, and what they view as the source of their problems. MRAs blame either "the elite", women for being stuck up sluts, blame their genes for making them ugly, or blame hypergamy. Those that speak about TA see the problem as a lack of acceptance for trans people in a cisnormative society. Also, by that logic, just because both talk about "men's" issues, (albeit cis men vs trans men/mascs), that must mean that TERFs and transfems who talk about transmisogyny must also be the same, as they both talk about women's issues. So, if all transandrophobia bloggers are MRAs, then all transmisogyny bloggers are TERFs.

[rjthirsty]

I have a treat for all my fronds out there! This is what I like to call my

IkePri LGBT+

It is, of course, pride month, and the month I like to turn everyone a little (read: a lot) gay. So, once again, of course, I couldn't leave my favorite blorbos out of it. I went through the Ikemen Prince line up and put labels on characters that I felt were most in line with the headcanons I have of them.

Yes, canonically, MC (female) ends up with each one of these guys, and canonically they all get to banging, but this is just a fun little thought experiment in a form of a pride parade. In other words: I don't really care what's canon. This is my world.

I split this up into three parts. This is part one. You can find part two and part three also on my blog once I post it, and will update both my pinned list and each original post with additional links. It just may be a few days.

Also, if anyone wants to do something similar, go for it! I love to see some colorful headcanons for these characters. It's a fun idea to share.

First up, Jin Grandet the greatest ally you'll ever meet.

I know it's a little bit of a cop-out to not put Jin into any LGBT+ category, but he really didn't fit in anything in my head. He would be incredibly supportive of everyone finding happiness however they do so, his just happens to be in the bosom of a woman and he knows who he is in that regard.

You see, he's a man who likes women and that's pretty much it. I don't think there was ever a time he wondered if men were his thing, I think he has known his whole life, and he is so very cis about it all, too.

Personally, I kind of envy that. I knew I was different when I was young, but there weren't words to describe what it was that was different with me. I didn't understand that there were others like me, and I didn't even know how to explain who I was or who I liked because my family was so heteronormative, and cisnormative. So, good on you, Jin. Keep chasing tail. You're an icon to straight men everywhere. Haha.

Second up is the second born, Chevalier Michel. My aromantic king.

He has a few alphabets he could fit into, but aromanticism is something close and dear to my heart, so I had to choose it. You see, aromantic people don't feel romantic attraction the way others do, usually little to none. They still have feelings and still love, it's just different. And that's okay! Partnering and relationships don't have to be a one size fits all, they're all unique!

I've got a confession to make, I'm a bit protective over firmly fitting Chev in aromantic because someone in the fandom disagreed with me on this. Sounds petty, right? Well, it was the way it happened. I said I think he's aromantic, and they said, "I just think no one has wooed him in a way for him to feel love." And I was just flabbergasted. First, because love and romance aren't the same thing, so conflating them only sets up a slew of problems. But also because this gave me war flashbacks to every queer friend and person I've ever known being told they just haven't been fucked right (ace), or had the right dick (lesbian), or even met the right person to feel romantic feelings for-- Do you understand? Do you see why I'm so foot down about this?

Okay, so, with that out of the way. Chevalier finds romance and romantic gestures to be difficult to comprehend. He has always said he doesn't understand or feel romance, so he thought he didn't love. Event and event again, other people are reminding Chev how to show MC he loves her through romantic gestures, and he goes about them as if he's following a rulebook. Thank god he has read every romance novel that ever existed.

If you haven't figured it out, third up will be Clavis Lelouch! Yes, I'm going in order of birth. Clavis can be my pansexual partner because I have thoughts that are certainly headcanon, but I'm sure they would happen if given the chance.

There is a lot of discussion on the difference between bisexual and pansexual, and for a lot of people they're interchangable. Personally, I think it really just depends on when you were born and what lingo you learned, but there is a difference in the way they are described according to every wiki about pride flags I've read. The difference is that bisexual is attracted (sexually) to two genders, bi = 2. Pansexual is attracted to men, women, and nonbinary genders (represented in yellow). I suppose you could say that gender presentation doesn't matter to a pansexual.

Is that actually the way it is? Hopefully. I wouldn't want to be spreading misinformation. But for the most part, I'm clueless on this. I have been calling myself bi since the word showed up back in the nineties, and pansexual wasn't a thing during my formative years. Pansexual came about, and I thought, "Well, I like men and women, and I'm bisexual, and that's what that means, so why change?" I don't like change. But I digress.

Clavis is in love with MC. I'm sure if MC revealed themselves to be nonbinary or a trans man that Clavis would love them regardless. I think that Clavis could have fallen for another, any gender, if they had shown the same resolve MC had. And in my head stories, I think Clavis would be some other gentleman's pretty princess-- but that character hasn't been fleshed out enough to start telling stories about them.

Last for this group is Leon Dompteur! Finally! I get to drop the demiromantic flag!

Demiromantic is often under the a-spec umbrella because people who are demiromantic tend to only become romantically attracted to someone after they have formed an emotional bond with them. You could say that they are like aromantic people in that they don't feel romantic attraction like others do, but they do feel romantic attraction once they get close enough to someone. That's the real difference between aromantic and demiromantic people.

Leon doesn't seem like the type that has been completely absent of romantic relationships, even if they were less serious courting and not the same feelings he has for MC. He's also not completely foreign to the idea of romance, and is quite the romantic in practically every event after his route, and his route was one of the first! It's because of these reasons that I believe Leon is demiromantic.

Thank you for reading this far. I had fun with this group and will get the others out as soon as possible. I already mocked up their flags, I just have to have the energy to sit and type it all out. I'm not putting the normal tag list together, so, sorry if you were expecting to get tagged, but this isn't really a fanfic? I didn't feel it was fair?

[zoguy1]

Another trans terminology that people often mistake a lot is afab and amab.

The terms afab and amab don't mean "people who were born female or male".

Afab and amab just mean assigned female at birth and assigned male at birth. They are assigned by doctors to be put on your birth certificate.

And this is typically used by doctors who specifically "treat" intersex babies by giving harmful surgeries to match the cisnormative's perception of what the "correct" way someone is supposed to look and this more often then not, causes a lot of serious problems down the road, not just in the medical malpractice way, but also seriously fucks with someone's personal identity. (See the #intersex tag for more information.

It can be harmful to conflate afab and amab as "people who were born as female or male because" it causes problems for intersex people, who weren't born with typical genitals, reproductive organs, chromosomes and/or hormones and forcibly assigned as afab or amab buy assuming they have certain traits don't have or assuming they don't have certain traits when they do have those. This can lead to misdiagnosing serious medical conditions in intersex people.

And despite so many trans people and well-meaning allies using the terms afab and amab to refer to trans bodies, it can actually be harmful for trans people because of those who have undergone medical transitioning with either hormones or surgeries no longer have the genitals, reproductive organs, and hormones they were born with and have different genitals, reproductive organs, and hormones.

If you were to say "afabs" when talking about vaginas, wombs, XX chromosomes and estrogyne, you would be leaving out trans men who have medically transitioned and the intersex people who don't have those specific traits.

Here are some alternatives to saying afab and amab:

If you want to refer to a specific part of the body, just say the name of the body part. Vagina, penis, vulva, testicals, overies, clitoris, etc etc. Biology is not a dirty thing and these are not dirty words. Although it can be dysphoric for some trans people to discuss their body parts, just remember that you are not your body. You are still a man if you have a vagina, you are still a woman if you have a penis. Gender is not sex, and the real harm is to conflate genitals, reproductive organs, chromosomes, and hormones with gender identity.

"Thought to be a girl" or "thought to be a boy" for if you want to refer to how you were raised or how people treated you growing up.

"F on my legal documents" or "M on my legal documents" for if you're talking about what you're legally classified as.

"FtM", "MtF", "FtNB" or "MtNB" or alternatively "trans masc" or "trans fem" or "trans androgyn" for referring to your transitioning journey.

I will say that I am just one perisex trans masc who has no connection to the intersex community, so I might say things that weren't entirely accurate, so I apologize if that's the case.

Intersex voices often times go ignored and silenced by everyone, especially those in the trans communities, as I've talked to trans people (granted without as much information about the subject), and I've had people jump to the defence and try to argue with me on their incorrect usage of afab and amab.

And because it's just so normalized to incorrectly use afab and amab, and given that people genuinely didn't know the difference between trans man and trans masc from my last post. I figured it wouldn't hurt to explain something that intersex people have explained on their own posts. I again repeat to check out the intersex tag. I'm just repeating information that I've read from them.

[aceing-on-the-cake]

Compulsory Heterosexuality Info Dump

So because a friend of mine didn't know what comp het was and their internet history is monitored by their parents so they can't just use google, I'm doing a very quick research dive and giving you guys the results in case there are others out there who are in the same situation. I'll also be tagging blogs bigger than me because again, there might be fellow queers out their who are in the same boat as my friend and I want them to have access to this information.

So what is compulsory heterosexuality (or comp het)?

Comp het is in essence the societal belief and enforcement of being straight.

What does this mean?

In basic form it means that the only options presented to everyone, from the moment of birth, is that of a cis, amatonormative, heterosexual lifestyle.

You are given two gender options, these gender options determine the two roles you're allowed to fulfill, husband and wife, and you are told that these two roles are what will make you happy and are what you are supposed to strive for.

Meaning society, if you are born AFAB, tells you you're going to one day get married, it's going to be a boy, and this is what will make you happy. Almost everything in life is then seen through this lens. How attractive your are, how you are supposed to talk, how you're supposed to behave, etc is all considered through the lens of if a man will be attracted to you.

On the flip side, if you are born AMAB society tells you there are roles you have to fulfill as well. You are told you will one day want a wife, that you have to be able to have a job to provide for her, that you have to behave in a certain emotional way to be strong for her, that if the things you like are too feminine well then you're gay or a girl which is a problem because at the end of the day you're supposed to want the girl-fiance-wife.

This literally just sounds like the patriarchy.

Yes, it does, because it's caused by it. Nowadays people commonly know about compulsory heterosexuality from the Lesbian Masterdoc, but the term actually originated by Adrienne Rich in 1980.

Adrienne Rich in her article Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence put forward three ideas, 1) that heterosexuality and lesbianism were institutions themselves/possible political ideologies, 2) that heterosexuality as a system if not constantly maintained and upheld would eventually crumble and 3) that heterosexuality as a system could be opted out of and actively fought against whether or not you were actually attracted to women/non-women.

This is very different from the way we currently think of and define those terms, I am aware of that, but her point does still stand to some degrees that comp het, cisnormativity and amatonormativity all crumble when we stop rigidly enforcing the structures that uphold them, i.e., the patriarchy, misogyny, classism, and racism.

Ok but like what does that actually look like?

It can look like a lot of things, for a lot of different people. In the Lesbian Masterdoc you see comp het presented from a straightforward lesbian lens (of a 19 year old figuring out and defining their own sexuality guys, I'm not gonna sit here and critique it and rip it to death, go do that somewhere else).

This is therefore presented through things like women/non-women who were raised/socialized as women possibly having crushes on men, but they're always unattainable in some way (celebrities, fictional, someone real but they wouldn't actually ever be able to truly be in a relationship with, etc). It might also show up for lesbians as liking the idea of a man but being uncomfortable when one actually wants to move forward in the process. Or even sometimes it might show up as sexual fantasies with men but they're faceless, they're more an idea, or you're actually viewing another woman sleeping with him.

This presentation of comp het has made a lot of bi/pan/mspec people uncomfortable because they feel they too have experiencing comp het and when reading the Lesbian Masterdoc it's presented as if experiencing this is a straight shot towards being a lesbian.

And they're right that comp het isn't experienced by just lesbians. For mspecs who present feminine/as women this could be in the feeling that they have to dress a certain way to be presentable, but presentable is based on appealing to men. This can mean something as simple as women are expected to wear makeup, always, regardless of if they're looking to seek men's attention or not, because that's the base standard.

For mspecs who present masculine this can look like the inability to express themselves in an overly emotional manner because that doesn't make them "strong" and if they're not "strong" then they won't attract women, and that's what they're supposed to be doing.

For mspecs in general that can look like their queer looking relationships to be seen as a phase even if their mspec-ness is respected because of course they're eventually going to get married to a man/woman.

This can affect polyamorous cishet people in that they're seen as doing heterosexuality wrong because you're supposed to have the one partner and the 2.5 kids.

This can affect aspecs because they're told they'll never truly feel fulfilled if they don't have that boyfriend/girlfriend/partner to love them in a way that's so special nothing else could match up.

This affects all of us guys is my point.

How is this helpful to me?

Well for sapphics and lesbians (or sapphics/mspecs confused on if they are actually lesbians) this can be a helpful concept to consider because it can help you determine what relationships you truly want to pursue, which is the main point I feel is to be gained from the Lesbian Masterdoc. As she's put it "it's way more important to ask yourself if you can be truthfully happy with a man than if you’re attracted to them"

So if you're a sapphic who experiences attraction to men but you honestly can't ever see yourself willingly entering into a relationship with them, consider the idea of comp het.

If you're Achillean the opposite of this can be true, if you've been attracted to women before but honestly can't ever see yourself willingly entering into a relationship with them, consider whether comp het is working on you.

For mspecs this can be a helpful term to throw over the table back at your parents when they ask when you're going to get a "real relationship".

This can be a helpful term to consider when asking "am I forcing myself to wear mascara because I feel this is the only way I look presentable or do I actually like mascara."

Or it can be a helpful concept to look back on when undermining our internalized ideals of misogyny, towards ourselves and others.

This is a helpful term to put in our tool boxes to talk about the harm the systems of patriarchy, classism, and racism impose upon us.

Comp het can help us to understand why so many people look down on polyamory as a legitimate way of life.

It can be a helpful term for aspecs who are trying to figure out if they really want to date/have sex, or if they just believe these are the only things that will make you happy.

In general

Compulsory heterosexuality is just another term to describe a system we are all intimately familiar with. But by giving us the words to describe our experiences, it gives us the power to communicate those experiences more effectively, and to possibly understand why we're experiencing them.

This is just a bare basic knowledge post.

Honestly if you have the ability to, as in your internet history is not monitored in the way my friend's is, I encourage you to go on the deep dive through the sources listed below. Many of them are honestly only 30 pages long, that's a relatively short read, and understanding queer theory like this not only helps you to understand your own identity, but the ways in which you are connected to the rest of the fellow queer community.

Sources

Lesbian Masterdoc

Queer Theory 101: Compulsory Heterosexuality

Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence

Normativities Defined

Taglist

I'm tagging blogs bigger than me so that this has an easier time getting passed around as I mainly talk about aspec issues because I am aspec, but as stated above, I wanted to make sure that queer people who's internet histories are monitored and are only able to find information through tumblr safely could do so.

@our-queer-experience @our-sapphic-experience @our-lesbian-experience @our-aspec-experience @our-polyamorous-experience @our-pansexual-experience @our-unlabelled-experience @our-aroace-experience @our-mspec-experience @our-questioning-experience @our-bisexual-experience

[genderqueerdykes]

no hate to you or the 'socialisation' anon, but i don't think y'all are correct. gender socialisation is not a thing, and is an incredibly reductive way to look at the world. the presence of society's preferred genetalia cannot explain the entirey of how one was treated for their childhood, because that person would have to jump through so many other hoops to truly get the privileges of being a cishet man. society does not raise transfems to have 'toxic masculinity' because it was too busy beating them into submission for not adhering to the gender socially imposed on them. it doesn't matter if they possess penises, because they are doing gender wrong and need to be punished. if a trans woman is speaking over her trans brothers and being stubborn and close-minded, it's not because she's 'mansplaining' to them, as the dynamics of cisnormative gender roles can't carry over to a community of gender deviants. she's just being an asshole.

there is a transandrophobia problem in the online trans community and a lot of it is coming from a certain subset of transfems. but we can talk about them without resorting to blatant terf rhetoric (such as, y'know, contracting trans woman into 'transwoman'. a few trans-positive folks online do it as but paired with the rest of anon's message it doesn't strike me as such.)

tysm for the feedback & criticism!

i don't see it as hate when people provide criticism!

thank you for giving me another perspective on this and other talking points! i appreciate you & everyone else who reached out! i'm NOT always right on things and i need to also be told when i make a mistake. i appreciate you so much. i need to be told when i'm wrong, too. thank you for the corrections! i see now where my line of thinking was totally off base! i've unfortunately heard so much of those kinds of things parroted inside of our own community that i adopted it, too, and it's not okay. it's not okay when i adopt a dangerous line of thinking.

genuinely, thank y'all so much for the feedback, and for doing so in a polite and informative manner! y'all are awesome. i seriously appreciate every single person who reaches out with criticism in an informative manner. i have seen nothing but 100% constructive criticism on that ask and i wanted to thank y'all for being amazing and giving me new perspectives and information so i can correct my own dangerous thinking. i am not always inherently right on everything, so thank you so much for providing extra info!

this might sound stupid af but i genuinely makes me feel more at ease knowing that my followers are willing to step in and tell me when i've been out of line. that gives me a sense of confidence knowing that people aren't just going to support me when i step out of line because they feel obligated to. that's huge to me. i don't want people to just pat me on the ass and ignore when i've said something incorrect. apologies for the bad take, but genuinely thank you so much for letting me know that when i step out of line, i won't be coddled for it.

[faelapis]

(gender)-only spaces are not a helpful idea. they are a way to avoid the problems of patriarchy rather than solve them. this is true not only because terfs are shitty non-feminists who don't actually care about women's liberation, but because "separate spheres" type-societies have never actually solved the problems of women's power imbalances, or indeed, the power imbalance of any gender minority. they have often reinforced them.

felix, what brings you to talk about this random topic today?

because i'm transgender and tired. for instance, i'm tired of fellow trans people's half-measures of trying to include us in the "right" sports categories rather than dismantling the idea of gendered sports altogether. i'm even more tired of terfs and other dumdumbs endless crying over the mere concept of sharing such spaces.

if you accept trans people, you should understand that the idea of "vast differences" between men and women is a Lie. there is no reason sports can't be organized along more objective measures, like strength/weight classes, rather than outdated gender models.

if you don't accept trans people, EVEN THEN, you should be critical of this notion that the only way to "save women" is to safeguard them like jewelry in glass cases. it has been tried in many different societies. somehow, it never leads to full liberation for women. unless you think ancient models wherein women were not to interact with strange men was Peak Feminism.

by the way, exclusionary spaces has never saved LGBT+ people, either. at most, its a supposedly "safe space" to vent. but even then, its usually not safe for trans people who either aren't out or don't perfectly conform to gender roles. it has only ever been "safe" for a certain "type" of cis LG person (if you're bi, you're definitely seen as suspect).

anyway, the real way of dealing with misogyny is to dismantle patriarchy and work towards equal socioeconomic power. the real way of dealing with transphobia is to give trans people equal rights and dismantle cisnormativity. both work towards the larger goal of dismantling gendered expectations and discrimination. good talk.

[cherrytea556]

Stop dismissing our ace struggles.

I just saw someone who had a history of dismissing trans men's struggles now exclude asexuals. They denied conversion therapy for us doesn't exist and called us 'cishet' in order to invalidate us into the community. I am so frustrated and tired of seeing other queer people deny our struggles just because we aren't palatable enough for them to understand.

Correlating asexuality with cisheterosexuality is by itself; hetereonormative and cisnormative. Since asexuality doesn't include a specific gender, asexuals attractions can vary from one another. Some might be cishet or transhet, some might be gay, some might be attracted to two or multiple genders, some might not consider gender important. By only reducing us to cishets, you are further promoting heterosexuality and cisnormativity to be the default and you are therefore, erasing your trans and queer peers existence. This person (who I will keep anonymous - don't harass them)

The denial of conversion therapy is denial of sex normativity and even amatonormativity. A system where while the relationship with sex is complicated, it is still expected that sexual attraction is universal, especially in a monogamous romantic relationship. They list the physical harm of gay conversion therapy compare to the psychological harm of ace conversion therapy as proof ace conversion therapy doesn't exist. Yet it only shows that these people do not see psychological abuse as real abuse. It is not different logic from believing that a child not being psychically abused by their parents means that their not abused at all. It's dangerous rhetoric that only harms abuse survivors, and in this specific case, harms ace abuse victims from conversion therapy. Not only that, but the physical effects can still happen to asexuals as medication that they don't need (not even wanted) would still harm their body through the side effects.

They also denied ace conversion therapy by including other people such as "people who want to change their low libido," ignoring that it is an entirely different situation that is not relevant because it would clearly be communicated to their therapists, unlike asexuals where just expressing their lack of sexual attraction is enough for therapists to "fix." And funnily enough, they used a phrase that is usually used to deny asexual's existence: "hell, someone might think they're asexual but really they just have sexual trauma or gender dysphoria or internalized homophobia." While there's no denying that these can happen and has happen to many people, this still doesn't change that ace conversion therapy happens. Ace conversion therapy is apart of the medical system that believes lacking sexual attraction is a problem. People benefitting from that system doesn't disprove the struggles of asexual people. And also, with this person believing it's optional, they do not understand asexual's experiences where the conversion therapy often is coercive, one that isn't consensual. A lot of aces also do not know their asexual and never had that option to explore themselves because of the denial of asexuality in the medical system. Thus, ace people having an "option" is disingenuous. The whole point of an oppressive system is that they give you the allusion of choice. While your free, you are also still marginalized in some way. That is the point of marginalized communities. That is why we are still here. Here yet struggling.

This person (who will be anonymous so please don't harass them) has had stances of trans men being privileged because their men and thus, experience male privilege. However, despite acknowledging their own privilege, they do not acknowledge their own privilege as an allosexual by denying us ace's struggles. Their whole dismissal of ace conversion therapy only highlights their privilege as it's clear they do not have the micro or meso experiences when it comes to aces in therapy, where conversion therapy would occur. They are clearly ignorant of their hetereosexual or queer ace trans men in their own community. Alongside being ignorant of gay or queer ace men in their own community. And the highlight is shown by their defence on why ace conversion therapy isn't real still hinges on the fact that lacking sexual attraction is a problem, or more specifically, not desiring sex is a problem. Even with people struggling with gender dysphoria, internalised homophobia and sexual truama, they do not need to include sex. All of these do not need to make you desire sex (especially when asexual people themselves can still experience all of these at the same time) so not only does it further prove it's irrelevancy, it is also highlighting the person's privilege as an allosexual as they still maintain these beliefs of lacking sexual attraction to be an issue. Only difference between them as a conservative on this issue would be that they package their bigotry into being more progressive by mentioning internalised homophobia and gender dysphoria (again, denying their ace trans and queer peers) Thus, the denial of ace struggles only prove their allosexual privilege.

Stop dismissing our ace struggles. You are doing nothing but harming your own community by causing infighting under a time where the uk, america and multiple countries are taking away or took away the rights of queer and trans people such as yourself. Stop dismissing the people in your own community.

[plaidos]

yeah ok that's entirely fair. i guess I'm just hung up on whether there is a difference between "exorsexism" and oppositional sexism?

the term exorsexism, imo, misrecognises the phenomena in question as simply institutitonal bias/bigotry against non-binary people, implying there is a binary privilege that "binary trans people" supposedly flatly benefit from (???), whilst the term oppositional sexism understands that it is in fact an instutitonal bias/bigotry against transgression of the gender binary, something that ""binary trans people"" are obviously recognised as doing by literally everybody lol (it's kind of the whole problem). this is also, btw, why i think "binary trans person" doesn't really make sense as a term & i think codifies a cisnormative gender binary even further.

[biracy]

I saw another post like this but the op had me blocked lol so I get to make my own post now. I really really really do think people should make an effort to use less cisnormative, gender essentialist language when talking abt Gaza. Don't think no one can see your "pregnant women" and "feminine care products" and "men and women" and etc etc etc. "Oh you're nitpicking it doesn't matter" actually trans people exist outside of "the West" and acting like they don't is both astonishingly racist and astonishingly transphobic. You all act like you truly believe that gay and trans people don't exist in what you've decided in your head are "homophobic regions" and make it hugely transparent that u think of being trans as some kind of frivolity that stops mattering once someone has "real problems." Don't forget trans people, don't let anyone forget trans people

[transfemme-shelterdog]

Hi, Lilith! I'm a transgender man, and I also don't really feel like I pass basically at all. I'm built like one of those POM Wonderful pomegranate juice bottles. Wide hips and a massive fuck-off rack. Even if I got HRT, and surgeries, and wore masculine clothes, I would still look like a woman to most people. On top of that, I really don’t fuck with men's fashion, I enjoy wearing makeup and dressing in a way that most would label as feminine, and I have short hair but I'm contemplating growing it out again to hide my hunchback. I'm really only correctly gendered by people who know me, and even then, those people sometimes forget. I'm 25, btw, so this isn't like me being a freshly cracked egg or anything. I've known I'm not cis since I was 12.

The thing that I've come to realize is that other people's perception of me does not define me. If they see me as a woman, it doesn't mean I am one, it just means they're incorrect. That doesn't change just because I do happen to look like a woman to most people, it just means people are quick to fall back on cisnormativity. It's definitely not fun. I wish people could just see me for who I am, because it really shouldn't be that hard, but that's not my problem. Let them be wrong. Let them be ignorant. We know who we are better than they could ever hope to.

Cheers. 🏳️‍⚧️ And if you decide that you would rather detransition, you will still be the person who knows your gender better than anyone else.

Yeah, I tried the "you're just wrong" approach for too long and I just am so done with it.

I gave it almost 2 years, I did all the tips and tricks my fellow trans girls suggested, it still wasn't enough. I've upped my dose to 2x what my doctor wanted, went on prog, did everything right.

And yet, I still look like a man, and people treat me as such. Sure, they're wrong, but I'd like to be properly gendered IRL outside of people who know me and are just being polite for once.

I can't handle the "you're just wrong" approach anymore.

[damnfandomproblems]

Fandom Problem #7856:

My fav fandom is super hetero/cis centric, and the fan interaction with fic and art is so very damning- EXCEPT for the golden mlm ship. Anything non straight that follows past that point might as well be chicken feed, and it's super discouraging. Unless I write my fics to be gender neutral reader (x reader is very popular in the fandom), I don't get any interactions. I get even less if I don't follow a very specific framework that is popular in the fandom for the character I write for. I tested it multiple times. Put my heart and soul into writing certain fics only to fizzle out at 20 notes. The most mind numbing, slapped together pieces I've written have topped 1k notes.

And god, that's not even to mention the people who make OC content in the fandom, who go even more unappreciated.

Anyway, I get that we like when things can apply to us. But the beauty of art is that it isn't all about us. It can be about other people.

I've seen artists fit to be in the damn Louvre have their works all but completely ignored because they don't fit in the hetero/cisnormative bounds that the fandom all but plainly has stated is the be all end all.