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hisui555 · 3 months ago

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Everything (especially orientation) is a spectrum

(mentions of sex - non-explicit but still - and sexuality below)

Y'know, I've seen a lot of people pointing out that "asexuality/aromanticism is a spectrum" but ESPECIALLY when it comes to writing characters in fanfics the way they want.

Alright then, let's play that game and flip the tables around, lessee how you folks like it.

So asexuality and aromanticism are a spectrum ? I'll answer that even what you think as immovable is a spectrum too.

First things first : true, it is ! From sex-favorable to sex-repulsed, it's a wide range of attraction. Some can enjoy alone time and still be ace. Others can find the whole sheets-moving deal fun, and still be ace. Some can experience attraction after forging a bond with a person (demisexual, which is under the asexuality umbrella). Some can enjoy sex stories and still be ace. Some can be flirty in a romantic or sexual way, crack sex jokes or have a crass vocabulary, and still be ace.

Some aromantics can have crushes (fictional or non-fictional : being fictoromantic) and still be aro. Some can be in a couple, and still be aro (ever heard of queerplatonic feelings and relationships, folks ?). Some can be in a physical relationship, and still be aro (it's called allosexuality, the opposite of asexuality). Some can experience not-so-intense feelings, from time to time, that either stay or fade out over time (akoi or lithoromanticism), and still be aro. Some have feelings that fade away if reciprocated (cupioromantic, if you want the word !) and still be aro. Some can enjoy love stories and still be aro. Some can be flirty in a romantic or sexual way, crack sex jokes or have a crass vocabulary, and still be aro.

And being aroace can be ANY combination of all the above, whether the sex and feelings meters show a flatline or have variations. That's the definition of a spectrum.

But funnily enough, people will outright use that as a flat-out excuse to get their fill on a canonically-stated aro/ace character to get them tumbling in the bed with someone else. While writing stuff you want isn't bad, but hiding behind a poor excuse to justify yourself beyond "well that's what I want to write and explore" is, bluntly put, bullshit. Either assume your choices, or don't make them.

After all, if one were to, say, blatantly ignore the orientation of a gay/lesbian/trans character to write what they wanted (like y'all do it with the heterosexual-exclusively characters, bis, pans, aces and aros already too - and ALSO trans characters in the other way, they really get caught in the crossfire on that one), because suddenly there's no mention of a spectrum at all but balls-out raging and foaming at the mouth about "bigotry". (Not saying any names but looking at you, Hazbin Hotel fandom).

"But there's been erasure and hunting down and misgendering and raping and killing them all over history !!" Completely true, they have been, and it still is the case. And it shouldn't be the case. But you can't go "it's erasure" on a few, and then go "it's fiction, I do what I want !" on all the others that interest you less, or aren't just as satisfying to you.

"But there has been no erasure of bi, pan, ace, aro people in history-" check your history again, and more importantly, even if there haven't been...

You are doing it right now.

By just claiming "it's erasure" and "they suffered enough" on some only, or "it's a spectrum" and "it's fiction" but not applying it to everyone the same way, you're doing it right now - it's not about tolerance and open-mindness, it's just to be able to write what you want despite metaphorically being explicitly told "no" by canon. And then ragging about someone for "not being orientation-conforming enough" or "cis/straight-passing" - and this het-is-ew mentality has often brought problems on its own, folks - just shows that it's not representation and justice you care about, just your own fantasies.

Everything is a spectrum. Let's break it down point by point :

Being transgender is a spectrum : some trans people do plan on transitionning, others don't (can't or simply don't want to), yet are still trans. Heck, non-binary or (some) intersex people are trans the same way MTF or FTM people are trans - their gender isn't their assigned birth gender. Some keep their birthname because they don't mind it, others consider their birthname a deadname and chose their true names. Some change their appearance with surgery to feel like themselves, others just feel like themselves by dressing in the clothes they want and wearing what they want. They're not any less trans. Also you can be trans and heterosexual if attracted to an opposite-to-your-true-gender person, whether you're deciding to transition or not !

Being non-binary is a spectrum : preferring to dress/look "more like a guy" or "more like a girl" doesn't make anyone less non-binary. Being more X-presenting doesn't make them any less non-binary. Being absolutely androgynous and "in-between" isn't a requirement, or a qualification, dammit. It's part of the "gender-identity" spectrum, with one end being cis, the other being trans, and non-binary being in the middle.

Being cisgender is a spectrum : being more X-presenting, again, doesn't make them any less cis. Having "X-manierisms" doesn't make them any less cis (also, that's just stereotypes talking again). Feeling a bit "more like X" on a day doesn't make anyone any less cis, and the same logic applies to trans people, or any other gender-identity. For those who balked : like it or not, it's part of the gender identities, and yes, it should be included. I mean, a gay cis man or a lesbian cis woman are indeed cisgender, are they not ?

Adding in gender identities : being intersex is a spectrum. The genital ambiguousness can vary from person to person, and sometimes, it happens on a chromosome, organic (gonads) and hormonal level too. Some may identify one way, another, neither, both, other, following life experience and/or personal preference, since gender identity itself is a spectrum.

Homosexuality/Heterosexuality is a spectrum : the same way aces can be sex-favorable, some don't mind having sex with the opposite gender/same because it's just fun, and still be homosexual/heterosexual. Some are exclusively attracted to the same/opposite gender/sex romantically and physically without any exception, others are attracted romantically to the same/opposite gender/sex but have one known exception that has happened or is happening (for exemple, a trans person - ever thought about that ? And if you're unwilling to forgive a heterosexual person for dumping someone because their orientations "don't match anymore", you should do the same to any homosexual person doing the exact same thing). Doesn't make them any less gay/lesbian/het, especially if they identify themselves as such and are in what looks a non-homosexual/heterosexual relationship. Literally putting them together because : the same way allosexuality and asexuality are the two opposite ends of the same spectrum, homosexuality and heterosexuality are both ends of the same goddamn spectrum (the "attracted to same/attracted to opposite" one), with bisexuality somewhere in the middle. Speaking of which...

Bisexuality is a spectrum : some lean more towards males, others towards females, some are in the middle. A cis or trans person currently going out with the same or opposite gender doesn't make them heterosexual or homosexual, they're still bi.

Pansexuality is a spectrum : "not throwing yourself at everyone" (that stereotype is absolutely stupid), and being attracted to all genders despite only having dated one (or a single person) doesn't make you any less pansexual. Again, that "cis/straight-passing is bad" mentality will be problematic as long as being cis/straight is reviled - you're literally harming your own community with it at least five times over : pans, bis, trans, aros, aces - at the very least.

Omnisexuality is a spectrum : having more than one favorite gender along all the ones you're attracted to doesn't make you any less omnisexual. Some have one, some have two, some more than two, and they're still omnisexual.

Demisexuality is a spectrum : some people need to reach a different depth of bond to feel attraction, and no, it's not bound by "how much time has passed since" either. Reaching deep mutual understanding within a day doesn't make them any less demisexual, just like reaching a deep bond over years does.

And so on (feel free to add in the comments).

Sexuality/orientation, attraction/feelings and gender are three separate, if parallel spectrums. Technically these spectrums should actually be seen like chroma spheres overlapping. Figuring oneself out is complicated, and yes, it can change overtime, because maybe we realize stuff about ourselves that we haven't before.

But it should NEVER be treated as a form of fault, sin, disease, a mental disorder, or just a poor excuse for hating someone and giving oneself freedom to do things you forbid others. Tacking onto that : no one has to "prove" you they're "[insert orientation/identity there] enough" to be said orientation or identity. And being LGBT+ doesn't make you "harmless".

Like it or not, you can't have a full rainbow if you're missing one color : you have to include EVERYONE and treat them equally.

And yes, you can be queer even while being cis and/or het. Don't believe me ? Picture yourself a cisgender person only liking and be attracted to gender-opposite fictional characters. That would make you cisgender, heterosexual, and fictoromantic. Boom.

So, again, either you accept that "it's a spectrum !" applies to everyone - EVEN what you thought as "untouchable" - or you admit you're blatantly ignoring some sexualities/identities of your choice for your own sake and that your concerns aren't stemming from wanting justice, representation or tolerance, but just a smokescreen to look good.

Exploring with stuff and changing any character's orientation or identity for that sake, isn't bad nor harmful in itself- as long as you're aware of the real thing. But hiding behind bullshit excuses just makes you look like a bigoted coward.

And if you're asking for my orientation to justify and/or validate any of this, you totally missed the point.

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