#conversation material for the first time we’ve discussed a book

[aldieb]

finished she who became the sun: it went down very nicely overall and also idk if this is my tastes changing or something specific to this book, but the customary like… total divorce between “fighting a rebellion against the emperor” and the general populace most affected by the forces at play was very strong here. a chess game where the pawns aren’t even on the board and the absence makes the whole thing feel a little flimsy. in a completely different realm, this was probably the most uncanny mirror i’ve ever found in fiction of my experience with gender? it’s wild that nowadays one can just pick that up off the shelf at b&n instead of fandom-brainedly coming up with intense tangential connections to like 5 random cis dude characters you ended up picking out of the sff claw machine

[natlacentral]

Elizabeth Yu is bringing the heat in Netflix’s Avatar: The Last Airbender. 

In Netflix’s new live-action series Avatar: The Last Airbender, the actress dons the role of Azula, princess to the Fire Nation and foil to her brother Zuko (Dallas Liu) and our protagonists of the story, namely Aang (Gordon Cormier), Katara (Kiawentiio) and Sokka (Ian Ousley). Yu brings Azula to life with depth and thoughtfulness that has never been previously explored. Fans of the original cartoon will be pleased to see that their favourite cold, conniving (and downright psychotic) princess will be given so much more to do. In Book One of the animated series, we see nothing of Azula, but with this fresh retelling, we’re able to see the seeds of ambition, what drives her, the fraying away of her psyche, and everything that leads up to that inevitable breaking point. Yu plays it beautifully, through subtle facial expressions, to her graceful line delivery, we’re able to get a glimpse of what life is like for Azula back home in the Fire Nation while she plots and schemes her way into her father’s good books.

Yu knows what this story means to people being a fan of the animation herself. And while the fandom has been hurt by live-action in the past (we’re looking at you, 2010 adaptation), this series is being told by the fans for the fans. There isn’t a facet of this show that hasn’t been given the attention and love that it deserves; like most retellings, The Last Airbenderwill not be beat for beat of the animated original but will breathe new life into a story we know and love. With that in mind, Yu cannot be prouder of the series and hopes that new and old fans alike will love it just as much as she loved making it.     

In conversation with 1883 Magazine’s Dana Reboe, Yu discusses how she’s feeling about her whirlwind success, working on two massive hits like May December and The Last Airbender, what element she would bend, how she handles imposter syndrome, and so much more. 

Life has been crazy for you lately between May December and now Avatar: The Last Airbender. How are you feeling? 

How to put it into words? It’s insane. I feel so blessed. I get impostor syndrome all the time; all the craziness that’s been happening doesn’t feel like it’s happening to me. You know, I have to separate myself from it all. It’s incredible.

I’m sure seeing all the billboards with the shows you’re in must be an out-of-body experience.

It’s crazy. I’m waiting for when I go back home to New York, and hopefully, I’ll be able to see some Avatar ones while I’m there. I’ll probably tear up. [laughs]

Take me back to the audition process for The Last Airbender. Did you know right off the bat, what you were auditioning for? Or did they keep it a secret?

They gave me a completely different project name, storyline, and character background. I had no idea when I first read, but for some reason, something within me was like, ‘That’s a codename. I feel it.’ Once I got farther in the audition process, I thought, ‘I know what this is!’ And then they sent my second to last audition, word for word from the original show, just to see if I could do the original material. And so, at that point I was like, ‘You don’t have to put on a show anymore, I figured it out!’ 

And when you officially booked it?

Albert (Kim) called me and said, ‘I think you know what this is for.’ And I was like, ‘I do!’ [laughter]

Avatar: The Last Airbender is so beloved. What are you most excited to see as a fan? And what are you excited for the audience to see?

Excited to see what we’ve done or what we might do in the future?

What you might do in the future.

Hopefully, if we get to Season Two–

We’re speaking it into existence.

Absolutely! Seasons two and three would be great. The Ember Island episode where they’re all at the beach; that campfire scene has so much character development, it’s insane, I cannot wait to get my hands on it. Favourite scene I’m excited for everybody to see… [Elizabeth thinks for a second] I’m excited for people to see our take on this world and making it more plot-driven. I’m excited to hear what people think about what we’ve chosen to keep in and get rid of and how they think it works. I’m so proud of the way that it’s turned out. But yeah, I’m excited to hear the feedback.

Well, I can tell you my feedback: I thought it was incredible.

Thank you!

Not sure if this is a spoiler since this will be out when the show premieres, but what hooked me was seeing the Air Nomads being wiped out in the first episode. We didn’t see much in the animated series, but this was very graphic, and while I was watching, I was like, ‘Oh, so they’re not afraid to go there.’

That was so important to show because it kind of grounds the audience to be like, ‘Okay, now we know what we’re dealing with, and what the stakes are’, it sets everything up perfectly. 

I agree. And I know the internet is worried about some of the changes that’ll be made, but I thought they served the story well. It’s important to remember this is not a direct retelling. One change I really loved was that Azula was given more to do. You gave her so much depth. Other than the original series, what did you do to bring her to life? And did you touch base with Grey DeLisle at all?

Oh, my gosh, thank you for saying that. First, that means a lot to me. I sent Grey a DM but I think it must have been filtered out. I’m absolutely obsessed with her work. She’s so iconic, hopefully, somewhere down the line with the release of this show, I’ll be able to meet her. That’ll be like an absolute dream come true. I’m so excited. I’ve watched all the videos of people meeting her at cons and stuff like that, getting her to read those iconic lines, I’m getting butterflies! 

I think with the success of the show, that’s definitely on the cards! Two Azulas in one room, I don’t know if we could take the heat [laughter]. Circling back, how did you prepare for the role? How did you put your spin on her?

Albert Kim, our showrunner, kept saying, ‘The original show is the sacred text. We’re going to abide by that as much as we can’ I think that just rewatching the show helped and then there are a lot of these YouTube videos where that are over an hour long that go into the psychology of Zuko and Azula. I watched those religiously, I used those as my toolkit. We also had an awesome onset acting coach, Lee Hutton, who helped a lot. The only way to make these cartoon characters really human is to delve into the way that their mind works.

I caught myself a couple of times, throughout the first few episodes feeling (a little) sorry for Azula. She’s trying so hard to do well in her father’s eyes, and seek his approval, but keeps falling flat. You play it so well.

It’s important to note that she and Zuko, at the end of the day, want the same things. You see Azula in this first season mirrors the second season of the animated series, you see her kind of go crazy. You see that slow build-up; she starts out not that crazy and then gets pushed to that breaking point.

Switching it up a little bit; if you could choose an element to bend that’s not fire, what would you choose and why?

I vibe with water. I also think the whole blood-bending thing is sick and swamp-bending [laughter] here are so many different things, healing, too! That’s a big one! That would be iconic. If I could be a healer? It’s so useful in battle because you can continuously heal yourself if you’re hurt. Water is so OP (overpowered). 

What about Azula captivated you?

Oh, good question. I remember getting that dummy audition and the character description was Azula. It just fit her. I’ve never auditioned for a character like that. I probably sent out like 400 Auditions before booking Avatar. I’ve never had a character who was a young Asian woman who was smarter and better than everybody else. She is confident and conniving and is just desperate for power. Who wouldn’t want to play a badass?

You said in an interview with IndieWire that your imposter syndrome was massive. In those moments, how do you talk yourself out of it? Or do you just let it pass?

There’s something very grounding and humbling about imposter syndrome. You know, there’s a balance of being able to reward yourself and congratulate yourself for the work that you’ve done, but also understand that the amount of attention that these projects are getting has very little to do with you and has to do with a lot of other people who have worked on them. It’s a mixture and I think impostor syndrome comes through not knowing where that line is between the two, so I think that’s what I struggle with. I don’t have any ego; I say my pleases and thank yous, I’m not going to be that person, and then on the other side of the coin, I did a good job, and I should be proud of myself. I think that especially spending time with my friends from home and being home with the cats and stuff like that, those are moments where I can look at the big picture and be like, I did a good job I should be proud of myself and let’s move on to the next thing.

What have you learned about yourself working on projects like May December and The Last Airbender?

The number of Asian pros I’ve gotten to work with on these projects is a huge, huge part of my proud-to-be Asian journey. I grew up in a white town and I’m half Korean half white. Before I filmed May December or started work on ATLA, I’d never been in a room with more than 15 Asian people. Also, we filmed in Vancouver and the Asian community out there is huge as well. It was amazing getting to talk to people like me and having these conversations I’ve never had before. And in May December, I worked with other half-Korean actors as well. And having this feeling of family with these people, there are many layers to it; not only being Asian, and presenting predominantly Asian, but also being a mixed kid and having that white side of you and then the Asian side of you. These two projects have been so, so integral to me being so proud and loving that part of myself that I, for the majority of my early life, hated. It’s been amazing. It’s like that’s the greatest gift I could have asked for.

It’s so incredible to see these stories come to life with the proper representation they deserve. With films like May December and shows like Avatar: The Last Airbender hopefully, we’re on the road to seeing more. If you had the chance to work with any actor living or dead, who would it be and why? And what would the dream project be?

I’m really getting stumped by this one [laughter].

Do you want to come back to it?

Okay, can I choose two?

You can choose two.

Beyonce, please. Renaissance. Act Two. I’m waiting for it. And number two would be Andrew Scott. He’s absolutely killing it. In another life, I wish I could go back in time, and watch his Vanya that he did. He did a one man show of Vanya. Oh, and his Hamlet, too! 

It’s good to see him getting his flowers recently. Did you see him in Sherlock at all?

Yes! 13-year-old Lizzy was a SuperWhoLock girl. Do you know what that is?

Of course, I was on Tumblr in those days. I love Doctor Who.

Oh, don’t even get me started on Doctor Who. 

Well, now I have to ask who’s your favourite Doctor? 

Good God, you’re going to get me in trouble. I have to say Matt Smith, but David Tennant is fantastic, too. Like, let’s put some respect on his name. But yeah, I’d definitely have to say the Matt Smith run is my favourite.

Have you caught up? 

I’m not caught up. 

Okay. I won’t say anything. Not a word. Nothing.

I appreciate it [laughter].

Pivoting back – your career is flourishing. What is one hope you have for the future?

Something great about working on Avatar and May December was this sense of family with cast and crew members and the directors and Albert (Kim) showrunner. Both are some of the first projects I’ve ever gotten the chance to work on. You’re able to have this connection with these people. That’s why I love acting; we’re in this together. Let’s make something cool. That’s what makes me want to keep doing it. That’s a goal of mine – to keep making cool things. And I always learn so many new things, all different aspects of my life on every project, I’ve been blessed to be able to work with some amazing people. I just want to accumulate as many of those special moments onset as possible.

And my last question is, what is something you’d like to manifest for yourself this year?

I would like to manifest being booked and blessed, not being too hard on myself, and living my life to the fullest.

[duckprintspress]

“Aim For The Heart”: Campaign Updates and Spotlights on Artist Jennifer Smith and Author R. L. Houck

The campaign to fund Aim For The Heart: Queer Fanworks Inspired by Alexandre Dumas’s “The Three Musketeers” is now halfway done and going strong! For those not super familiar with how campaigns go, usually the bulk of funding comes in during the first 48 hours and the last 48 hours of the campaign. I personally usually look to see us at 50% funded by the end of the first 48 hours; if we hit that metric then I can say with a fair degree of confidence that we’ll reach our goal. This campaign did hit that, handily, and now with 15 days left, we’re only $750 shy of our goal! While I’m not hosting any parades yet, as I check in midway through our campaign…we’re doing great.

A huge, HUGE thank you to everyone who has backed so far, and also to everyone who has helped spread the word about the campaign. Word of mouth is 10000% the most effective way to help people find out this project exists and get them interested in buying the anthology; we’d never get to the goal without our supporters, and we’d never get there without every person who says, “hey, have you seen this?” Y’all rock. We love that we get to bring you awesome books.

Anyway, on to today’s contributor spotlights!

Knight and Squire by Jennifer Smith

About the Artist: Smith has been drawing since a young age. With a focus in traditional drawing techniques, she has recently started using digital mediums to imitate traditional styles. Her focus is in portraiture and landscapes, especially with watercolor. You can find more of her art on her Tumblr.

Link: Tumblr

Allergy Girl and the Hate Arrangement by R. L. Houck

About the Author: R. L. Houck (she/her) still has one of the first stories she ever wrote, all the way back from elementary school. It was about flightless penguins reaching the sun and was a good indication of her boundless imagination and her love of animals. The latter became a full-time veterinary career; the former keeps her occupied with fanfiction and original fiction in her downtime.

She’s sometimes found wandering the woods around her house in Virginia with her dog. If not there, she’s sitting on the couch, catching up on a Netflix series, and smothered by her five cats. Sometimes, there’s even space for her wife.

Links: TikTok

Story Teaser:

“Oh, no! Mom’s been very supportive of me being trans. I just meant the name change. For an English lit professor, she has a real hard-on against Shakespeare,” Portia said. “It was one of the main reasons I chose the name.”

Christa didn’t want to bring the conversation down by discussing unsupportive parents of LGBTQA+ kids. Instead, she jumped on the mention of Shakespeare. “Well, Portia was a kick-ass character too,” Christa said.

“Right? Thank you!”

“You’re quite welcome. Oh! Phoenix! Is that why you chose the tattoo? Never mind, you don’t have to answer that. I apologize—I’m being super nosy,” Christa said, immediately backtracking.

Portia laughed. “You’re fine. That is exactly why I chose the phoenix: rebirth. And those pictures are sent; tell me what you think.”

A few seconds later, Christa got a text message from an unknown number. She opened it to see a gorgeous flower arrangement shown in several pictures taken from multiple angles.

“Wow. This is beautiful,” Christa said, voice faint from awe. “Are you sure this says, ‘I hate your guts and wish abstract misery upon you for the rest of your natural existence’ in flower language?”

“…in so many words, yes,” Portia said, sounding amused.

Tags: allergies, attraction at first sight, character has a different gender than in the source material, customer service representative, deadnaming (accidental), f/f, florist, getting together, the language of flowers, meet awkward, modern, past tense, pining, pov third person limited, siblings, tattoo, triplets, trans

We’ve already raised $7,250 to fund this anthology, and we’re 90% of the way to our goal. Come see what all the fuss is about, and help us spread the word by sharing today’s awesome teasers or any of our past posts!

[seekingdandelions]

Does Kingdom Hearts BBS Pass the Bechdel Test?

Kingdom Hearts is one of the most well-known video game franchises of the 2000s. It’s notorious for long development times, being somewhat jarring (seeing Donald Duck in the same vicinity as Sephiroth is wild), and having a very complicated story. 

What it isn’t well known for, are its strong, female characters.

The series has a few female characters - such as Kairi, who’s been around since the first instalment - but the number of male characters leaves them drastically outnumbered. However, in Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep we finally saw a female-led adventure… sort of. 

Birth by Sleep has three playable characters, and the player has to choose whose story to follow. To get the full story, all three routes should be played. The protagonists of this game are; Aqua, Terra, and Ventus. 

Enter Aqua, the female protagonist for the title. Aqua has a few core qualities; she’s responsible, kind and deeply cares for her friends. Of the three, she is the only main character to be given the title of ‘Keyblade Master’, suggesting that she is the most skilled of the three key-slinging heroes. 

The Bechdel Test is one of the most well-known metrics for the representation of women in media. It is most commonly applied to films, but it can also be applied to books and video games. On the whole, it’s theoretically easier for a video game to pass the Bechdel Test, especially when compared with film. Video games tend to have longer run times, and so, more opportunities to pass it. 

Because Kingdom Hearts is intrinsically tied to Disney properties, there are quite a few female Disney characters in the game (Cinderella, Snow White, and Aurora, to name a few). Now, that raises an important question: Of the Kingdom Hearts exclusive characters in this title, how many are female?

​Three of them. In this game, there are only three original Kingdom Hearts characters.

Aqua, Kairi and Kairi’s Grandma.

For context, there are fifteen male characters of exclusive Kingdom Hearts origin. To list them all off we have: 

Ventus, Terra, Master Eraqus, Sora, Riku, Xehanort (both young and old, since they’re sorta two different characters… and Terra-nort too), Ansem the Wise, Aeleus, Braig, Dilan, Even, Ienzo, Isa, Lea and Vanitas.

That ratio doesn’t look too good, does it?

Now that we’re familiar with the situation, let’s go over the rules of the Bechdel Test:

The piece of media must have more than two female characters

Both of these characters should be named

They have to engage in a conversation about something other than a man

Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep contains fourteen worlds, though two of them don’t have any story behind them (one is exclusively a board game). For this little ‘investigation’, let’s split this up by world. How many of them pass the Bechdel Test?

For the sake of clarity, we’ll just investigate Aqua’s story, since she’s the focus of this little experiment. Interactions between two female Disney characters won't count either, as most of those come from their source material. Additionally, we’ll cross rule one from the list, as both Kairi and Aqua are named, as well as the cast of Disney characters.

We’ve got approximately three hours of cutscenes to comb through; let’s get started.

There are a few worlds that we can cross off straight away, as they don’t have any female characters in them, with Aqua being the exception. Destiny Islands, Keyblade Graveyard, Land of Departure, Mysterious Tower and Olympus Coliseum are out of the running. 

Five worlds eliminated already. That was fast.

Once Aqua leaves the hub world, we head to Castle of Dreams. 

After wandering around for a bit, Aqua finally gets stopped by the Fairy Godmother. The two discuss light and darkness (classic Kingdom Hearts banter) making that the first pass. Lady Tremaine briefly asks Aqua why she’s in her house (a valid concern), but that doesn’t quite cut it as a conversation. Just before she leaves the world, she talks to the Fairy Godmother once more. It’s worth noting that Aqua does briefly speak the Cinderella, but it’s about Terra and isn’t long enough to be considered a true ‘conversation’.

The next world is Dwarf Woodlands, Snow White’s already eaten the apple, so Aqua walks in on her funeral. A bit awkward, but still, we press on. There isn’t an awful lot in this world; Aqua and Snow White never really interact, and Aqua doesn’t see the Evil Queen at any point. Unfortunately, this world fails the test.

Moving onto Enchanted Dominion, Aqua arrives at the castle. She finds Maleficient pretty quickly, and the two talk about the power of the keyblade. Terra pops up a few times in the conversation, but it’s not enough to void it. The two chat again towards the end of the story, so Enchanted Dominion hits the pass requirements.

Next up is Radiant Garden, home to Kairi and her unnamed grandmother. Aqua meets Kairi, who’s running away from the Unversed (this game’s stand-in for Heartless). Mickey Mouse helps Aqua defeat them, and Kairi doesn’t say anything. After a nail-biting wait, Kairi finally speaks, offering Aqua flowers. They have a very wholesome conversation, which is probably the most interesting conversation we’ve seen, as far as the Bechdel Test is concerned. Kairi runs over to her grandmother, and she tells Kairi a story. Radiant Garden passes with flying colours.

Next, we’re off to Disney Town! Minnie Mouse introduces herself to Aqua, and it’s a quick win. Aqua saves the day, Minnie banishes Pete to another dimension, and we’re on our way.

After Olympus Coliseum (which is a skip), it’s Deep Space time. The only other female character here is the Grand Councilwoman, and in a pleasant turn of events, the two actually cross paths. Deep Space also gets the stamp of approval. As far as the Disney characters go, this is probably the strongest female interaction we’ve seen so far. The two actually talk a few times before Aqua has to leave.

After Aqua leaves Deep Space, she visits Neverland. The only other female character there is Tinkerbell… who doesn’t actually talk. Well, she can communicate, but Peter Pan seems to be the only one that can understand her. So, this world gets marked down as a fail.

Neverland is the last of the Disney worlds, so Aqua rounds off her journey by visiting Destiny Islands, Mysterious Tower (technically a Disney world, but it’s mainly relevant to Kingdom Hearts, so it’ll be counted as such), and then Keyblade Graveyard. Those three have already been crossed off, so that brings us to the end of our investigation. 

Of the twelve investigated world, five pass the Bechdel Test, whereas, seven do not. Of these worlds, the only Kingdom Hearts original world to pass was Radiant Garden. 

So… what does this actually mean? Is Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep suddenly sexist? Not necessarily, no. It just shows the underwhelming representation of female characters throughout the game, reflecting the franchise’s issue with it on the whole.

Throughout the Kingdom Hearts series, the only original female characters seen (within console releases, because I don’t mess with the mobile games) are; Kairi, Naminé, Aqua, Xion, Larxene/Elrena, Olette, Ava, Invi, Kairi’s Grandma and Strelitzia (who has appeared in trailer form only… unless we’re counting that one time where she was probably a star). When compared with the number of original male characters (which is way too many to get into), this is a staggeringly low amount of female characters. This is rather odd, given that Disney properties contain an array of iconic and fleshed-out female characters. Why was this skipped on Kingdom Hearts?

Of these listed female characters, a lot of them are side characters, who have only had a little bit of screen time. Ava’s only appearance outwith the mobile games is in Kingdom Hearts χ Back Cover, which is a collection of cutscenes. Kairi’s Grandma gets limited screen time, and Olette is only marginally better, being locked to Twilight Town. 

The Bechdel Test isn’t the be-all and end-all of female representation; it’s ultimately just an example of how low the bar is for women in media. It isn’t hard to have two named women converse about something other than the men in their life, and yet so many pieces of media fail the Bechdel Test. Whenever a piece of media passes the Bechdel Test, it shouldn’t be commended on that alone. 

It’s the bare minimum. 

Following from that hellishly low bar, a piece of media can pass the Bechdel Test, and can still put forward a bad portrayal of women.

The worlds in Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep (again, limited to Aqua’s story) fail the Bechdel Test more times than they pass it, but that’s purely down to a lack of female characters. The majority of the original male characters present in Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep are future organisation members; an organisation that only ever had two female characters (Larxene and Xion). Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep’s shortcomings are products of the entire franchise’s shortcomings.

We can only hope that as the plot of Kingdom Hearts grows, its representation of female characters can improve over time. 

The first Kingdom Hearts game was released in 2002. Change is long overdue.

(Originally posted on https://seekingdandelions.weebly.com/)

[morocosmos]

Returning - Thancred

Intro chapter

Warrior of Light & Thancred Waters. A hint of Thancred/Urianger if you squint :)

Major Endwalker spoilers including the end of 6.0. This is a series of vignettes on each of the Scions’ relationships with my Warrior of Light, Moro’a as he’s recovering after the end of the Final Days.

With a nod towards the chirurgeon on duty, Thancred shifts his arm to better accommodate the generous stack of tomes he’s carrying, balancing their weight against that of the large pitcher of water in his other hand as he makes his way towards Moro’a’s room. The man had requested for more reading material after clearing through the last set of books with unsettling speed: as though the confines of physical rest had pushed every onze of energy into his mind instead.

Why, the last time he had come to visit with Urianger, the two had discussed the finer points of Ishgardian astronomy for a whole four bells. Thancred had to excuse himself after the first, though not without an apologetic smile thrown Urianger’s way, and more than a bit of warmth; the augur’s eyes had looked all the more brighter for their conference.

If Moro’a’s recovered enough to converse at length with Urianger, he should be well enough to leave the ward soon. With any luck, these tomes would last till then.

When Thancred pushes the door open with his shoulder, he finds Moro’a staring far past the sterile white ceiling with a slight frown. One ear swivels towards his direction, but it’s another second or two before the miqo’te turns and registers his presence. “Oh, you brought the books…thank you,” he says. The one he’d been reading lies open and half buried beneath the blankets at his side.

Thancred knows that face. He’s been surrounded by no shortage of book-buried, scholarly types for the better part of his life now, and he’s seen every last one of them make variations of it several times over. “With all that thinking you’re doing, I imagine you could well write some tomes of your own,” he remarks lightheartedly. Setting the stack down on the bedside table, the hyur fishes out one last item from his coat pocket – a pair of beef bolognaise sandwiches from The Last Stand, neatly wrapped in cloth and slightly squashed but otherwise intact. He makes it a point to place it at the edge of the table, nearest to Moro’a; if there’s one other thing he knows of this type, it’s their propensity for forgoing a meal in favour of devouring their way through endless thought.

Fortunately, Moro’a’s ears perk up slightly when he notices the sandwiches. “I’ve thought of it,” he admits as he picks up the bundle and begins to unwrap it. “But I haven’t the faintest idea where I would start.”

Thancred settles into a chair. It’s soft and a few ilms too large, with plush seating made for a more sedentary sort of folk, and he’s not too fond of how readily he sinks into it.

“Anywhere,” he suggests. “An esteemed Warrior of Light such as yourself would have no shortage of riveting stories. Why, I’m certain the public would leap at the chance to know more of your exploits, now that their champion has saved the entire star from doom and gloom both.”

A small smile appears on Moro’a’s face as he considers his words. “With all that we’ve been through, I doubt they would believe even half of it.”

“If anything, I would say it’s better that way. Death-defying antics, wall after impossible wall to climb, only for the hero to triumph once more…’tis the stuff bards dream of immortalising in song. You can take this one’s word,” the hyur assures, tapping his chest with a grin.

Moro'a laughs, but his mirth fades away quickly, like a burst of rain too short to cool the air. He’s looking away, the sandwiches in his lap forgotten, and there’s that frown again.

Had this conversation taken place but a few years ago, Thancred would have sought to brighten the mood by throwing in a fresh sprinkling of humour, at his expense for a better effect. Instead, he leans forward, threading his hands together. “If there’s something weighing on your mind, out with it now,” he insists, though not unkindly. “You’ve got as good a listening ear from me as any.”

Moro’a’s frown deepens for a moment, before he shakes his head, smoothening over his emotions. “Coming from you, that’s oddly reassuring,” he remarks. “Even though I hesitate to bring this up, because…” he trails off.

Thancred waits.

“You were the first to go,” Moro’a begins again, finally meeting his eyes. “On the Ragnarok. And it was by your dying wish to survive that we were even able to traverse Meteion’s ultimatum in the first place.” The miqo’te takes a breath, seeming to choose his next words with care. “Would you…consider it a betrayal if I confessed to accepting my death in Ultima Thule, in spite of that wish?”

Thancred gives the air a few seconds to bear the weight of his question, deciding quickly that the best response he can give Moro’a is an honest one. “I would,” he answers without hesitation. “Not because I felt like you owed it to me specifically, and not for the people of Etheirys. But for the twins, for Tataru…old Edmont and his sons. Ryne and Gaia. You know they’d bleed their hearts out mourning you, and I’d be hard-pressed to forgive you for that.” He lets those words sink in before giving Moro’a the rest of his answer. “However, considering everything you’ve been put through…I can’t say I don’t understand.”

Moro’a nods, accepting his answer without judgement. Like he’d expected it, but just needed to hear the words out loud. “I’m not saying that I was ready to give up the fight. This was different from the First,” he clarifies – unnecessarily, in Thancred’s opinion, but he doesn’t press the matter. “Nevertheless, I was so far away from everything I knew, the job was done…and I was in a terrible way. I suppose it didn’t seem possible that there could be more to come after. And yet…”

“And yet you pulled through anyway. Came back to us alive, gods know how but we’ll take it,” Thancred finishes for him. He sifts through his friend’s words, picking through them in an attempt to understand what Moro’a is looking for. “So where does that leave you?”

Moro’a turns towards the book he’d left on the bedside, picking it up with a contemplative expression. It looks like a travel journal of sorts, Thancred notes, its title printed in Hingan script, with a much smaller Eorzean translation below it. Narrow Road through the Deep Grass, it reads. “I’m not sure if I ever told you before,” Moro’a says, “but my friend Moro used to adventure in Eorzea, and spent a couple of those years travelling and living in the Steppe. The author of this journal was a close companion of hers.”

“Oh?” There’s an inkling of something here, and Thancred latches on to it.

“Yes, Hoelun even mentions her a number of times. And it was when I was reading through those passages that something struck me. A desire.” There’s a smile on Moro’a’s face, small and embarrassed but also…excited. “I wouldn’t call it retirement, but I’d like to step back from being a hero for just a while, and see the world as a proper adventurer. The way Moro did.”

Thancred taps his chin, breaking out into a smile himself. “I see. And here I thought you'd be having that much more of a crisis, but it would seem I needn’t worry!” he laughs. “There’s certainly an appeal to travel that’s free of any mission or responsibility.”

“Yes,” Moro’a agrees. He looks down at his sandwiches, picking one up at last. “I don’t plan on mentioning this to the rest of the Scions just yet, if only because I’d like to know of their own plans first.” He’s gone back to being serious, though a note of hopefulness remains in the Keeper’s voice. “But if I’m reading my cards right, change is on the horizon. For all of us.”

Change that sounds refreshing, for once. “I’ll let you in on a little secret,” Thancred reveals as he drops his voice conspiratorially, prompting a raised eyebrow from Moro’a. “Urianger said something similar, and in preparation for such a possibility, he and I may have plans to travel as well. Not quite in the direction you’re headed, but it still means we’ll be out of Eorzea for a few moons.”

He leans back as Moro’a nods, taking a bite out of his sandwich. “Things won’t be the same anymore. The world’s much too different for that now,” Thancred muses. “But I think we’ll be alright.”

The sound of Moro’a coughing and spluttering startles the hyur, and he nearly gets up from his chair. “Are you alright??” he exclaims in concern.

“What…what madman puts olives in their sandwiches,” Moro’a all but growls in disgust, reaching for his glass of water. Gulping down the whole glass, there’s a string of Corvosi expletives as he sets it down and refills it to the brim. “Thank you for the food, but never bring me these again. Please.”

Not everything changes. Thancred blinks, and then doubles over, unable to hold his laughter in.

[correspondencearchive]

26. Nuveen Barwari & Marlos E'van

Nuveen Barwari & Marlos E’van discuss their shared sense of immediacy and trust in the materials in their work, abstracting the figure, and the myriad influences that inform their art practices.

Nuveen Barwari (NB): Alright, where do we start? I guess I'll start by saying thanks for agreeing to do this with me. We have worked with each other for about five years on multiple projects and I think this is a great opportunity for us to really reflect on the common threads that both of our art practices share.

Marlos E’van (ME): I was really energized when you asked me to join you in this discussion, and I def want to thank you as well. It’s true, we have worked on multiple projects together and also personal work where we pass a piece back and forth over time, making a different move with each pass. Out of all the conversations we’ve had based on our work, this feels like the first time we’ve formally talked in public about the intersections our practices share both formally and conceptually!  

NB: I think about the figures in your paintings, the way you handle paint, materials and multiplicity.… These are a few things that I would like to discuss with you in relation to my work…Maybe we can start off with this sense of “urgency” that I believe is present in both of our works. I want to say there is this sense of urgency in our work but our work is anything but that… I think the process actually involves a lot of research,  conversations, and dwelling.. Maybe the execution feels quick… but the lead up to that initial mark making isn't quick at all.

Marlos E’van, Next Great Migration, 2020, oil, latex, oil stick on canvas, 50.5 x 50.75 inches

ME: That’s a good place to start. It’s true that sometimes our work has this feeling of immediacy to it which some might call “fast paced”, however, I agree that we both take our time to really dig in and think about our subjects and work it out in our heads through conversations, sketches, and reading articles/books. Once that research is done, we’ve pretty much worked out the piece in our head and go all in on the attempt which usually results in that fast pace. It feels like this urgency we share is reflective of the urgency involved in our subject matter.

NB: Yes, I agree with all of the above… also at the same time I feel like we are such “Makers'' with a capital M that even if we don't have a plan we are still making and trusting the process… that sounds cliche but its true sometimes i'll be in the studio surrounded by all of my materials and i have so much conviction in all of these materials that i have collected over the years that i know that regardless of a “plan”. Hmm how do I put this.. For example I can close my eyes and just pick out random materials in the studio and sew them together and trust that it will all come together later…  I have definitely connected this sense of “urgency” in the past to protest and the subject matter so I'm glad you brought that up… I have also connected it with my use of the sewing machine and screen printing you know?

Nuveen Barwari, Landscape, denim, found fabric, deconstructed Kurdish dress, acrylic paint, fabric paint, thread, canvas, xerox paper, 32 x 40 inches, 2022

ME: Wow I like the way you put that! I think it’s important for people to know that there are situations where we take our time and research, sketch, etc, yet there are other times where we go with our instincts and go in without a “plan”. Moments like that allow us room to explore and let a piece guide us to its final composition. I feel like we both achieve this sort of “freestyle” by taking into account the materials, the natural and un-natural movements in the materials, and daily mark making on the piece. Sometimes in my work I just sit and stare at a canvas, noticing the shadows and marks that already exist. These observations help guide me into what moves I wanna make next. Kinda like playing chess. 

NB: So I also see a connection between the way you abstract figures in your paintings and the way I abstract figures in my paintings. I think the way we both handle paint is very similar and some would even say is not very “traditional” for example some of my favorite moments in your work is when I see the paint on the raw canvas.

ME: You know, when it comes down to making figures, I never wanted to paint something exactly how you see it in life, that's boring for me. Therefore, I chose to make figures that allow us to make abstracted discoveries in the work. Moving body parts out of place and using my line work brings an element of fun to the creations which I feel your work does also. Speaking of paintings and abstract figures, I noticed that some people label your work as textile based paintings. However, both you and I refer to them as Paintings. You just showed me a new piece in your studio and it def reads as a huge painting although there’s no “paint” applied, yet you move around the material like a painter would. What are your thoughts on this and how do you actually see your work as far as being textile or paintings?

NB: I often tell people I am not a poet, I only hang out with them. I do call myself a painter though and almost everything I make is a painting. You see, I come from an academic painting background, everything I've learned from painting I've applied it to everything else I do in the studio whether that be installations, textiles,video work, performance, and even fashion. 

To look at painting beyond the medium itself, to paint without paint is something I think about on a daily basis. I think it's really interesting how many associate the rectangle to painting while I associate it to rugs. And then I take the rug and connect it to a door which in the past has been literally utilized as a door  and then I circle back  and connect it to painting and it  goes on and on. It involves a lot of contradictions that aren't always bad. I'm not gonna lie tho sometimes do insert my work into the painting realm very abruptly.

Nuveen Barwari, Cooking for the peshmergas, thread, deconstructed Kurdish dress, Xerox paper, 16 x 20 inches, 2022

ME: That's really interesting! I love that line where you say “to paint without paint”. In my own practice, I see myself as a sculptor or a filmmaker sometimes even if I'm making a painting. I also see myself as a musician at the same time; making these compositions that move in time like a musical arrangement. Sometimes the music goes from Jazz, Punk, Rap, and Goth, etc. However, I don't feel beholden to categorize anything I do as just one thing. I feel like that is another similarity we share.  

NB: Yes I agree with you… both of our works involve multiplicity. I like that you mentioned music because that is definitely something I think about in the studio. Like I will listen to alot of Kurdish music and sometimes even pretend that I am making album covers for some of the greats or that I am hanging out with them in the studio… I also think about translation alot and connect that to multiplicity …I have always been mesmerized with the many ways Kurdish poets and musicians have employed language as a tool for resistance. The term “Gulistan” is a common motif in a lot of Kurdish songs and poetry. The flower of a rose is known as a "gul." All flowers are referred to as "gul" in conversation, however the correct word in Kurdish is "kulik." the complexities of using floral themes and metaphors to both reveal and conceal their ethnic identity. I'm really interested in the shapes and sounds that are found through translation rather than focusing on the stuff that is lost, you know? But I would love to talk to you more about the sculptural element in painting, since so many painters I know absolutely dread stretching their own canvases… and to me that is the best part.

ME: I feel you on that!

When it comes to the sculptural elements, I can remember one of my mentors, Terry Thacker, always talking about the act of pushing paint around on the surface. Before art school, I grew up on a farm and helped one of my uncles do home improvement jobs for people in our community back in Mississippi. We would always have to invent tools and improvise with materials. This almost always came in the form of a sculpture in some way. This carried over into my art making from how I use paint and materials, and how I build stretcher bars. I try to break from the traditional rectangle forms, something I'm aware that you do as well; and create alternative structures that challenge how we present and observe a work of art. This goes back to the note changes in music, while also incorporating a sculpture that holds a painting in place.

Marlos E’van, Fire and Spears, 2020, rope, oil, latex and oil sticks on canvas, found wood frame, 54 x 43.5 inches

NB: Ok cool. Oh wow yeah i like that… “the act of pushing paint” that even becomes performative as well. I'm glad you mentioned how growing up on the farm has informed alot of your art making because it has me thinking of growing up in Duhok, Kurdistan and being in awe of the colorful bazaars, fabric stores, and the landscapes. For instance, being part of a diasporic community entails this transcontinental exchange of materials from the homeland (home country) and host land (host country). Being a member of diaspora necessitates this almost constant exchange of materials from the homeland and the host land. This exchange consists of family from the homeland sending anything from photographs with written messages and dates on the back to honey, spices, and beautiful fabrics or the family in the host land sending photographs, clothes, medication, and in my case bags of hot Cheetos to the homeland. I've always been fascinated by the little things, like how much space would be added to the suitcase when a needle is used to poke tiny holes in hot Cheeto bags when traveling back home. I grew up watching elders in diaspora transplanting fig trees and rose bushes from the homeland into this new soil, making Kurdish dresses out of the fabrics that were available to them in the host land, and most importantly I witnessed the longing, the act of making a home away from home and the grief that comes with it.

ME: Wowow, I think this is a really important/intimate view into your artmaking and thought process. Very beautifully said! I know we can talk longer but folks will have to wait on our memoirs for more. Until then they can stay tuned in to what we’re making.

NB: Haha yeah i think this is a good stopping point. Thanks for the conversation.

ME: No prob and thank you! Now I'm about to go find something to eat! Talk 2 U Later!!

Nuveen Barwari was born in Nashville, TN (1995). Barwari received a Bachelor of Science in Studio Art from Tennessee State University in 2019 and a Master’s in Fine Arts from the University of Tennessee, Knoxville in 2022. Employing collage, painting, textiles, and installation, Barwari studies the intricacies within conditions of assimilation, material culture, and contradictions within diasporic identities. Barwari’s work has been featured in national and international publications including the Nashville Scene, New American Painting, Yahoo Nachrichten Deutschland, Gazete Duvar, and Botan Times. She has exhibited in numerous locations such as, Sugar Gallery (2019) in Fayetteville, Arkansas, Zg Gallery (2020) in Chicago, NGBK Gallery in Berlin Germany (2021), Duhok Gallery (2021) in Duhok, Kurdistan, and Ortega y Gasset Projects, in Brooklyn, NY (2022). Barwari is represented by The Red Arrow Gallery in Nashville, TN and is currently working and living in Albany, NY.

nuveenbarwari.com @nuveenbarwari

Marlos E'van (b. 1988 Tupelo, MS) Nashville-based artist, E'van interweaves different mediums such as painting, performance, and filmmaking to create worlds in which their art recollects black histories: joy, pain, celebration, sorrow, and complex emotions from reenacted scenes of American histories. A subtle vernacular in expression has caught recognition from such publications such as Hyperallergic and New Art Examiner. In addition to their work as an artist, E'van co-founded/co-designs M-SPAR, McGruder Social Practice Artist Residency out of the McGruder Center in North Nashville. Working as an educator in a hard-hit redlined Nashville neighborhood, E'van actively listens to their pupils, gathering stories that also inform E'van's paintings. Their own life creates first-person narratives in paintings targeting marginalization, stemming from a queer black history rooted in their home state of Mississippi. Marlos E'van's work is included in International collections, has been shown in VA, TN, GA, MS and NY.

@marlosevan

[theothersideofthecinema]

Danièle Huillet at WorkTed Fendt has gifted us the following translation from the German of the only interview, to our knowledge, that Danièle Huillet did without Jean-Marie Straub. It comes from a 1982 issue of Frauen und Film. The Fire in the Mountain A conversation with Danièle Huillet by Helge Heberle and Monika Funke Stern Danièle I was born in May 1936. In 1954, I did one year in a preparatory school for IDHEC. I saw a lot of films – like Buñuel's Los Olvidados – which interested me, and I wanted to try making documentary films. At the end there was even an exam that I took. But after the film that they projected for us, I simply handed in a blank piece of paper and said that it was a shame to project a film like that for an exam.            I met Jean-Marie in November. I still know this exactly because the Algerian Revolution was beginning. He had his idea for a film about Bach and asked me if I would help him write the thing together. In ‘58 he had to leave France because of the Algerian War. He didn't want to shoot Algerians and at the end of ‘59. I also came to Germany. That's all. Monika And you’ve done everything together? Danièle Yes, we've done everything together. Only, that at the time it wasn't fashionable to mention women. No one noticed. Until it came into fashion, then they suddenly noticed that I was always in the credits. That was funny. Helge Did you develop the conception of your films together? They’re so distinctive and different from the films of the time. Danièle Yes, but that also came through our lives. Helge You came to Germany as emigrants. Did you first start learning German here? Danièle I had learned a little German before, but only with the texts of Bach's cantatas and that was already a strange German. In any case, I didn’t learn German so well because together we speak more in French. There are things that we can only say in German, but otherwise we mainly speak French together. Helge Having left Germany again, what does your time there mean for you? Danièle The time in Germany was the discovery of the class struggle and a violence that also exists in Italy and France but does not appear so openly and clearly, probably because the hypocrisy is greater. Monika The discourse about the class struggle often conceals that men and women are also two different classes. The difference can also be seen in the way your film work has gained recognition. In the back of the book Kluge/Herzog/Straub there is eventually also something about Huillet with a short biography and Karsten Witte is at least polite enough to talk about “the Straubs” - is your name actually Straub or Huillet? Danièle Well, we aren't married. I kept my name. But it isn't so easy to pronounce. Straub is much easier. I don't think it’s so important. It's never bothered me. I don't really like talking about things and answering questions. Everyone has his or her own style and what you don’t do well, you shouldn’t do. There are other things that I do better and besides, what we’re interested in are the products and not the names. Monika The distribution of your films is important to you. You go around with your films and talk about them. I feel that your silence is a form of denying auteur cinema and representation. Danièle We won't be able to talk about the films anymore when we’re dead. Film material is very sensitive and the negatives won't last forever, but the films will outlive us for a certain amount of time and I hope that they will still speak to people. We talk about the films because in general the distribution system does not work anymore. Straub talks better than I do. I don't know if he enjoys doing it. I think that one destroys a bit of the work that way. Helge What do you mean by destroys some of it? Danièle A film is work that you’ve carried through to the end. A discussion is always something where you only say half-truths or force things that you have tried to keep balanced in the film. Also, in a discussion you can never take time to really reflect. Otherwise, you would say: it's going to take eight days before I can give you a proper answer. So, per forza, as the Italians say, sometimes you answer too quickly and sometimes falsely. However, whenever you make a film, you try out every possibility so the film remains open to people who will see and hear it. Monika What does your role in the work look like? Danièle With Too Early, Too Late, for example. A certain Straschek – he is a friend of ours – came to visit while we were recording the orchestral part of Moses and Aron in Vienna in 1974. He brought two suitcases full of books – the entire correspondence between Marx and Engels. I thought that I would never read so many books. I don't have enough time. I can only read a little before going to bed. Nevertheless, I read everything and the letter from Engels was in it too. I read it aloud to Straub and he said: Maybe we can make something about France. Then we went to Egypt because of Moses and Aron. We wanted to see how people in Egypt live, what clothing, what gestures, what living conditions, etc., before we looked for costumes. In Egypt, we asked ourselves questions besides ones relating to the film. In Rome, Jean-Marie saw a book called Class Struggles in Egypt with statistics and explanations about what was going on there at the time. We were always nostalgic for Egypt. I think that I said then: We could make a film out of these two things. It was easier with Engels' text, which in some way stood on its own. We had to check the information since Engels had written it to Kautsky from his memories of a Russian historian. There were false quotations in it. We verified everything in the archives in Paris where the parishes had sent the cahiers in 1789 in the great hope that something would change if someone recounted what was wrong. The notebooks are still lying there and are used very infrequently. It’s somehow moving when you get them in your hands. Then we checked the figures and the names, drove to the locations and together we looked for where the camera could be placed, what can be seen, and sometimes we argued very fiercely as well.            It was easier in France. We always went back to the locations. In Egypt we could only do this once and it was difficult to find the locations. There are no maps aside from the ones made by the colonial administration. The names on these are in Egyptian and underneath in European. We looked for the places using photocopies of them. The people there, five kilometers away from a village, don't know what the next village is called. We scouted locations with a friend from Paris, an Egyptian, in his car. Sometimes, we needed an entire day to find a village. So, about the same work as the people who had drawn the maps. Except that we only had about twenty days in Egypt. The organization came after we returned. What you can do with the money you have. What you have to pay for immediately and what later. These kinds of necessary discussions ­­– I do this more than him. If he says, I'm not doing it this way, then I try it differently. Then comes the shooting. People must be paid, hotels arranged, etc. During production, I'm more involved with the sound and he's more involved with the camera. He frames the shots. During the editing, I operate the editing table. Now and then he does something that an assistant usually does, like rewinding the reels, and so on. We had an editor for the first short film. That lasted a week. As Jean-Marie began to say, here we have to take out five frames and three here, the guy had a nervous fit. Ever since, we've never had a third party. We always watch the rushes silent because I never went to let the sound out of my hands as long as it hasn’t been transferred, because I have good friends who have lost part of the location sound between the shooting location and the transfer. Or where the transfer isn’t right, if they mixed or dubbed. I want to be present for that. Jean-Marie is also present because while listening to the sound you can discover things that you wouldn’t hear otherwise. The hardest comes when we're cutting and begin to make choices: we have three, ten, fifteen takes of the same shot – choosing one is sometimes painful. Monika If you take the raw material – the documents from the 18th century, the reports about villages and Engels' text – entirely different images could be imagined for them. For example, the reports say this many families are impoverished, this many can still live, this many are rich – and in the images, we don't see a single family now, not a single person. Today, now, we occasionally see a truck drive by over the asphalt highway, the village sign. How do arrive at this visual conception? Danièle What we were interested in was clear from the beginning. It was seeing what traces remain there today and what has entirely changed. For example, a city like Rennes, where it's stated that a third of the population was living in constant risk of pauperization, is now much richer. A lot has been built there. But at the beginning, we see villages in Brittany that have perhaps become poorer. We were interested in seeing what traces remain today and what was swept away and left no trace. And in this regard, a topographical film: with camera and Nagra, with picture and location sound as the tools of an investigation. Helge That reminds me of the talk at the DFFB. You said there that the long drive along the canal goes through as few villages as possible because driving through villages seems intrusive to you. So this investigation has a distanced relationship to the people. Danièle Yes... Helge And in a different context during the discussion it was said that humans aren’t center stage in this film. But I perceived this entirely differently because through the panning movements and the intrusion into the space from the sides – whether from birds or butterflies, from bushes – we in fact feel the presence of the filmmakers very clearly. I mean that, on one hand, it is a world that is visibly desolate, but over it stands a human presence that has no face. Danièle But this research is also applied to the landscape. There are obviously humans there because these landscapes are arranged and altered. The nature there has been completely changed by humans. That's one thing. But we were also interested in understanding a landscape. Why a village was built there, what it's like. Why irrigation in Egypt works with a large canal and smaller ones. It's clear that this is all from people. Us not wanting to drive through a village – that was not the subject because the narration is telling how struggles and revolts happened and when we see, for example, the plains of Luxor: first the camera is still, then it pans left to the mountains where there is a village, then we come back to the right – then how many people were massacred is recounted. Monika Yes, it is also entirely clear from the text that someone is there, and the landscape is being considered from a particular perspective and intention. That's what I find fascinating in your films, that you consistently renounce any form of staging these landscapes: they are shown here and now, not as a costumes or a re-enactment of past times, but now, they way they are now with all the details and historical forces like wind, water, and rain that move the land. This point of view is charged with histories through these elements and above all through the text that is being read.            But these are texts that come out of a particular class conflict, the text by Engels as well, just as in History Lessons with the text by Brecht. For them, class conflicts are defined through property and not, for example, through gender relations.            In my opinion, these images of landscapes, of a city like Rome with its cobblestones, are charged with history, but this history misappropriates the history of women who have participated to a great extent in history and whose sweat, blood, and tears have been drunk by the cobblestones of Rome as much as the blood, sweat, and tears of the men being named and quoted. I don't know how much this interests you and how aware you are about making things from women present in the historical charge of the images. Danièle I can say three things about this. First – I've already said this – there are rules of the game that we must obey. For example, sticking a woman into Brecht where he did not have one would also be false for the woman. In front of a factory in Egypt, we see one woman who is entirely dressed in black go through the frame. She is carrying something on her head; she's probably bringing her husband or her son something to eat. And we see a second woman who is dressed like a European out of the factory – probably a secretary. And no other women, only men milling about. We see more women on the country roads: at one point, a woman with a child on a donkey. During the long tracking shot we also see a woman riding a donkey and reading a book, probably going to school or coming from school.            That is one answer. I think a second answer is a film like The Bridegroom, the Actress, and the Pimp. That is a film in which the oppression of women is very clear. That's a subject that comes more from us. The construction doesn't come from anyone else.            There are actually no sentences in it that come from us. There are only texts from other people, but the construction and the story come from us and it began like this: we were in Munich – we lived there at the time – and went to a cinema downtown. We were coming back on foot because it was late and there were no more buses. It was pretty far and we found this street where women were standing on the sidewalk and only men in trucks or cars were driving by and stopping. The rest of the film was organized around this. We drove down the street twice and we even covered up the license plate on the car because there were also pimps watching this.            That is a second answer and my third answer is I think it will go much faster and easier – and on this point Marx was right in some sense – that women will become liberated if there is a total revolution. For example, in Vietnam, women gained equality in one burst. That doesn't mean that afterwards the reaction didn't shut this down. As in all other areas, the struggle is just as necessary when the war is over. That's clear. But I mean, something happened there very suddenly because there is an entire movement and not only with women, but the women were part of it. Monika Hope for the third world, for a total revolution that also solves the side contradictions, things with women, is also very clear in your films. Danièle But the Egyptian woman at the Q and A at the Arsenal Cinema represented something even more radical. It really upset me because she came with arguments that originate with politicians and that she adopted. Of course, if we hear this from men it is already dumb, but it's even worse from a woman. She is not only colonized as an Egyptian, but also as a woman. She said that no revolution can be expected from workers because they can’t read. There is some truth to this argument, but still, I can't listen to it anymore. What is funny and sad is that not only the first revolts, but also the revolutions partly came from workers, for example here in Germany. And they were also unable to read. But they had a culture, just not the clergy’s. Monika The absence of women from the images is also a historical document. But that’s not what I mean. You two decide on particular texts that interpret history. That's a decision, whether you choose Engels or Brecht, or if you criticize them in your view of history. That is what the new women's movement does, for example. I'm very skeptical that the position of women will change with a revolution. Maybe intermittently in periods when they are needed and they help. That's always been the case, if women are needed for work during and after a war, but their own thing doesn't fundamentally change. I don't know if you were interested in dealing with these subjects with other texts that deal with women's things. Danièle But this is also an encounter. A love story doesn't only happen when we meet a person, it can also be a text in which something seems right. It is always only partially true. I think we both agree that we can't make films with general ideas, that we must have something concrete and precise, and the text by Engels is concrete and precise for something very, very small and limited. We could make another film that is critical of it but that is not the same film and some kind of an encounter must happen in that regard. Monika You could find something is missing, for example, and then develop it. Speaking for myself, it is possible for this kind of process of awakening consciousness to happen. After the discussion at the DFFB, you said: after History Lessons something like an absence opens. At the end, there is this fountain statue, a woman – although a very mythologized one who I didn't really recognize as a woman – with water flowing out of her mouth, she's vomiting. She says the final words of the film: vomit over the path of history. In one of your earlier films, the Böll adaptation Not Reconciled, the subtitle is Only Violence Helps Where Violence Rules. For me, that is a male saying that also determines politics, armament politics, for example. The ideology that we must make weapons because the enemy is making weapons, so only violence helps against violence... Danièle I'll interrupt only to say that "violence" is not only violence with weapons. A strike is also a form of violence. Let's take a utopia, the biggest utopia there is: that suddenly every intellectual, women and men, would go on strike and this shit society would collapse. That would also be a form of violence that would essentially be bigger than every possible form of it. Monika But you have shown the rudiments of alternative figures. The old Fähmel woman... Danièle Yes, she stands for a kind of counter violence, but it is destroyed. And the pressure is so strong that she is also destroyed. Not only the pressure of the war or of all time, but also the pressure she has to feel and experience as a woman. Helge I'd like to know which films by women you like. Can you find anything in common with Marguerite Duras, for example? Danièle I admire her a lot. She has a lot of energy and is really sharp, but I have a lot more admiration for a woman who leads an everyday life, not only as an intellectual, but a woman who does this with a husband and children, who doesn't kill herself, and can live like this. I find that much harder than making films. Monika But you don't want that? Danièle I don't have the strength for both together. Monika You prefer making films? Danièle That is also a love story. You choose when you're very young and experience comes later. Maybe there are women who can do both. Maybe Caroline [Champetier] will do this, a husband and daughter or several daughters. But with the younger generation... It is very hard, not to oppress others, which would also not be a solution. Monika What do you think of Chantal Akerman's films, Jeanne Dielman, for example? Danièle I can say that I couldn't bear some of it. For example, the way the actress Delphine Seyrig peels potatoes and you notice that she never does it in real life. That doesn't work. And what I also don't like in the film are the obstinately systematic shots so that if someone stands up, for example, their head is cut off. Monika But, I mean, you've gone pretty clearly against the film language developed in Hollywood – shot/reverse shot – where what is important at the moment always appears in the image, the head, and somehow this must have come to you – a particular obstinacy in the staging that maybe focuses more on a dress or a random detail... Danièle But I don't think that you can replace one form of oppression with another and I also don't think that you can combat one system through another because then one thing simply becomes rigid and that's all. Helge So you feel that the film grammar there is very arbitrary? Danièle It becomes systematic in a way that doesn't work for me. That's all. Monika But I find your films very systematic in their resistance, in their reflection on the commercialization of film language. Danièle But I think, I hope, that it is not so much a system as a method to investigate something; that can also be blown up, a shot for example. I think it is the third village we see in Egypt, where we have the sign at the beginning and then pan left, then come back right again, then we see the village and people walking in the background. And a donkey. In the foreground, on the road, wagons, a truck, a cart and a donkey are coming – that is happening very much in the foreground. That was not planned. It was a surprise for us as well and so we wanted to keep it because we didn't want to clear away reality and only keep the shot as we had planned it. Because otherwise, if we had done a shot with what was happening on the street, we would never have cut it like that... Monika Don't you also think that to understand your films, you also need a lot of knowledge about film history? Danièle Well, empirically, people who have seen barely any or very few films are very moved. I think there are two kinds: there are people who have a film culture and have seen many films, who receive the films very well and are therefore interested. But people who are moved the most and, I think, perhaps perceive the films best are the ones with no film culture. Helge Does that mean they have no film culture? Today there is also TV... Danièle But people see more news and sports on TV and the people I'm talking about also barely see feature films. They see TV the way we used to read the newspaper. Or – yes, sports. They're right because that is the only thing that is filmed well. It gets hard with people who believe they know what film is and what film should be. They come in and immediately say, like the Egyptian woman: this is not a film; this is not what films are like. That's a barrier. They think film must be like this and that, and don't accept that it can also be different. And was different too. Helge In the interview you did with Karsten Witte, you say that you want to make films that can't be understood through cinema, through film history, but that can be understood on their own. Monika But I think there is something like tradition and a tradition of film language that people are trained in. Somewhere ideas like dream factory or "inspiring illusions" become combined with cinema, conventional cinema. And I think this is also something one shouldn't say pejoratively. Because with the possibility of constructing illusions, there also exists the possibility to think of, conceive, and dream utopias – which is also positive... Danièle ...but I don't think that has a lot to do with utopias. Our dreams come from reality and are only partly different from reality and are an attempt to escape from it. But always from reality and not from nothing... Monika Yes. Sure. We can also make this very intellectual. But I think your images are somehow renunciations and are therefore barren and rigorous. Danièle I hope not only. I hope that sensuality and delight can also be felt in them. And the scent of things. Right? Monika I’m fascinated by your appeal to Cézanne who painted the mountain again and again, always the outside of the mountain, and who knew that the mountain had burned. But he always painted the outside. The fire begins to appear through his energy. Danièle I can say something else about Cézanne. I saw pictures by Cézanne in a museum for the first time when I was around fourteen. It was the bold thing with the naked women, Les Grandes Baigneuses. At first, I felt that he couldn't paint, that it was poorly painted. And yet, something in it made it so that I engaged with it for a long time and could no longer see the pictures from the other painters that were hanging there because I felt that they were painted poorly.  

[thefanficmonster]

Love For The Faceless

Corpse Husband x Youtuber!Reader(Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Fluff 

Summary: Y/N is a YouTube gamer who has recently gained a much larger following thanks to the streams she does with her friends. Naturally, considering her faceless and bodiless nature, people are starting to get curious about her. When she finally follows her friend Corpse’s example, a lot more than her hands is revealed.

Requested by anon, you know who you are 😉 Thank you so much for placing a request and hope this fic fulfills the expectations you have for it.

“Hey!“ I greet the lobby as I finally hop into the Discord call after quickly saying ‘hi‘ to my audience.

I’ve been a YouTuber for four years now and I’ve only recently started streaming, encouraged to do so by my best friend Rae. She’s the one who got me in multiplayer games such as Among Us and Phasmophobia which led me to meet her amazing gaming squad that consists of some of the most famous names on the platform. They are all wonderful people and I will forever be in Rae’s debt for introducing me to them. However, becoming friends with Felix, Sean and the rest of the team brought not only a more fulfilled life, but also a small boost in following. Who am I kidding, it wasn’t small. It was overwhelming, terrifying even.

My YouTube channel had a little over a million subscribers at the start of quarantine and now....now it’s closer to three million. Speaking of three million, I’m about to reach it any day now and it’s really hard to believe. I’m a gaming youtuber and I’ve never considered changing my genre despite expecting to not get any attention whatsoever, with all the big names on the platform. I was convinced not even as many as a hundred people would stumble across my videos and now here we are.

My OG subscribers are very supportive of my sudden growth and are defending me when my newer fans ask for a face reveal or whatnot. While we’re on that topic I might have to mention that not even my YouTube friends, and that includes Rae have seen my face. I’ve been faceless and bodiless for the entirety of my time on social media. Some claim I do it to grab more attention or for dramatic effect, but the reason is beyond that. I’m not shallow. Actually, shallow people are the reason I don’t show my face. I’ve never been the prettiest, but my middle school bully thought that I wasn’t lacking self confidence enough. As a result, I ended up with a not so handsome scar on my right cheek that starts from the corner of my mouth and nearly misses my eye. Yeah, it’s a long and pretty noticeable scar that has thankfully become less and less obvious as the years have progressed. Still, it’s not something I’d like to show to my viewers.

Eight ‘hi’s greet me back, each making my smile grow wider. “Sorry I’m late guys. Technical difficulties.” 

“Don’t worry.“ Rae’s voice dominates over the rest, “Corpse still isn’t here so we’re waiting for him.“

I mute myself on the Discord call and take a look at my comments. I’m most flattered by the comments about my voice. Seeing as how they don’t have much to compliment about me other than my content, they make the nicest comments about my voice, personality and humor. Those comments are the ones who warm my heart most. Even when people in my day to day life compliment my appearance I can’t find it in me to believe they are being genuine. I’d like to believe these amazing people are being one hundred percent honest when they tell me they like me for who I am and not for what I might look like.

“Sorry I’m late guys.“ A deep voice causes me to even physically jolt, switching my focus from the comments to the Among Us lobby where my eyes land on the newly materialized black avatar.

“Hi Corpse.“ Rae greets him.

“Hello mister who broke Twitter!“ Sean laughs, provoking the laughter of the rest of the players.

“Yeah, congratulations man. That’s a big deal.“ Felix chimes in.

“Thanks guys, but I think you’re forgetting we’re talking about a picture of my hand.“ Corpse chuckles timidly. I have noticed how shy he gets when someone gives him a compliment - like a snail slowly withdrawing in its shell. I find it adorable.

“That’s what makes it even better!“ I unmute my mic, sending my own congratulations.

“While we’re on that topic...“ Rae begins, waiting for the rest of us to shut our traps, suggesting she has something important to say. “Y/N, do you ever plan on doing a reveal like that? Not a face reveal. Just a body part reveal.“

I have no problem talking about the subject with friends but I get nervous when I’m supposed to discuss it with my fans. Seeing as how everyone, including myself, is streaming right now, I get a bit of a stutter in my speech. “Haven’t thought about it yet. But I guess a body part reveal is harmless.” I cringe immediately after letting the words leave my mouth, “That sounds so weird.”

Rae knows that I’m not too fond of my face, but I haven’t told her about my scar yet. I let almost all people I’ve met online think I’m using my lack of appearance for effect. For the mystery of it all. Mysteries attract people which equals attention. Attention equals views and the domino effect continues.

“Just a suggestion. No pressure.“ Rae adds quickly, knowing full well I get anxious when the subject is brought up in front of cameras. “Let’s get this game started, shall we.”

                                                          * * *

The idea dwells in my mind, sitting on the back burner even after I disconnect from the Discord call. I’m sitting in my gaming chair, which was a gift for my two million milestone, and weighing out the pros and cons of the action Rae suggested I take.

“It’s a picture of your fucking hand, dummy. How bad can it turn out?“ I say out loud, shaking my head at my indecisiveness. “You’ll be fine.”

In a blur, two pictures are already posted on my Instagram. The first one captioned ‘Took a leaf from my friend’s book. Did I do it right @ corpsehusband?’ and the second ‘Thanks, Rae. These are on you.’

Rae’s POV

As I’m watching a movie in my living room, I get a notification from Instagram, informing me that Y/N has posted for the first time in a while.

I scoff, “More like the first time in forever.”

The first thing that comes to my mind is the possibility of her reaching that three million milestone that’s been long time coming. I bring the glass of water that’s sitting on my coffee table to my lips, taking a sip as I tap the notification. The picture I see makes me hurry to put the glass back down so I don’t drop it. Y/N’s hand. Her fingers are covered with several thin rings each. And here I thought Corpse had too many rings, this girl has at least two on every finger! 

Then my eyes land on the second picture she has posted only minutes after the first and my heart drops. I struggle to get the water that’s been sitting in my moth down my esophagus while my mind is struggling with the task to comprehend the picture I’m looking at. 

Another hand is resting on top of Y/N’s. A hand also covered in rings but fewer and larger. The nails are painted black. 

I think I know who it belongs to.

Before I can even finish the thought, I’m dialing Y/N. She picks up after the second ring, sound cheery as ever as she greets me. “Hey Rae!”

“Don’t you ‘Hey Rae’ me!” I practically scream. I hate being kept in the dark about anything ever so this is just driving me mad. On top of all, she’s my best friend, for fuck’s sake. “Is that Corpse in the photo with you?!”

“Ugh....“ the cheeriness to her voice is all but gone now.

I go on with my rant, not giving her the time to reply. Not that she would reply. I bet she doesn’t know what to say. “So he knows where you live?! Or was the picture taken at his place?! He knows what you look like?! You have seen him! He has seen you in real life but me, your best friend, haven’t!!! You are breaking Covid 19 protection laws to take pictures?! Are you fucking serious, Y/N?!”

There’s a long moment of silence which frustrates me even more but I literally have run out of things to yell and the power to be angry. I mean, I still am, I just can’t express it.

“Rae, sweetheart, please calm down. You’re scary when you’re mad.“ This girl has some fucking nerve! She’s on the verge of laughing!

“Listen here you...“ 

“Rae, please stop scaring my girlfriend.“ That oh so distinguishable, oh so familiar voice interrupts me.

I am flabbergasted, for a lack of a better term.

“Now that we’ve got you quiet, I can explain.“ Y/N pics up the conversation, “Corpse and I have been dating for six, almost seven months now. We started dating around Easter after talking for quite some time. We moved in together at the end of September. All thanks to you, Rae. You’re the best.” She pauses to breathe in real quick, “There, all caught up?“

I’m in no less shock than I was before she explained. Actually, I think I might be even more confused now. It all just feels like a fever dream. “Yes...no. I don’t fucking know! I need details, Y/N!”

“Details later.“ Corpse makes his presence known once again, “We’re watching Family Guy right now. Talk to you later.“

“Love you, Rae!“ Y/N calls out before the line goes dead.

My arm goes limp, dropping my phone on the couch next to me. 

“Motherfuckers” I mumble under my breath.

Y/N’s POV

It’s been a week since Rae has stopped talking to both Corpse and me. I know she just needs some time to cool off. In the meantime, the rest of our friends were informed and, as oppose to Rae, were nothing but supportive and overjoyed. I bet Rae feels the same way though. Sean, Dave and the rest of the gang have confirmed that she’s incredibly happy for us and says she noticed a spark between me and him since day one, but she can’t help but be mad at us, and especially me, for not telling her sooner.

“Any regrets?“ I remember Corpse asking me when we hung up on her after dropping the bomb.

“Not being able to see her face when she saw the picture.“ I beam at him, feeling as content as ever.

He laughs, agreeing with me before leaning down to kiss me.

@susceptible-but-siriusexual  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @hacker-ghost  @itsminniekat  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios

[perseusjackson-jasongrace]

look i didn’t want to be a sour kid

god, it's brutal out here: and percy jackson knows what that means. scars on his body like pulled threads. calluses on his palms from pens that turn into swords, coins that turn into weapons, hands that curl into fists. walking home after an annoying day at school and having to fight the troll on the bridge. you must give me something in order to pass my territory. he gives it death. it gives him another shirt to wash blood stains out of. gods with too much arrogance giving him quests with too little return policy. body that doesn't want to cooperate after he blows up a mountain. body that wants to move too fast when he needs to follow a plan. heart that gets broken and rebuilt with different materials every day. god it’s brutal out here: and percy jackson knows it’s brutal in here too.

traitor: and percy jackson has never felt a word more like a branding in his entire life. he thinks back to the summer he turned thirteen and he sees scorpion tails flashing behind his eyelids. and he sees blonde hair and sometimes he can't differentiate between her and him and them and him. and he sees a scar and he wonders if the cut was deep enough to lose goodness. and he thinks maybe he wouldn’t have minded so much if someone had just told him what was going on. and that makes him a traitor too. and he sees it now, how easily he would succumb to the scorpion tail. how he would welcome the bliss of losing his goodness. who’s to say it’s true goodness anyway? and he remembers the red curls and the summer of beach walks and glass houses and the look of betrayal when plastic hairbrush meets yankees cap. is he a traitor then? to his own feelings? surely not. must be. neither of them liked it. he liked them. traitor, but to who? and remembers the day he left a girl on an island and promised to help her and couldn’t in the end. he remembers eyes of fire at his incompetence. and he is a betrayer. but only to others. traitor: and percy jackson thinks he’s never really betrayed anyone but himself.

got my driver’s license: and percy jackson is growing up so fast his limbs can't keep up. one leg is slightly longer than the other and it makes him clumsy. his left hand is bigger than his right and he uses it to punch. he flies a pegasus for the first time and he understands why mortals are always so angry. they will never know this unbridled freedom. and he gets kissed by a girl and he thinks his skin understands the heat of the sun. and his hair becomes curls instead of waves and he has to clip it> push it> tie it back because it keeps getting in his eyes. and his mom asks him if he wants “blue cake this year?” and he has to tell her he’ll never be too old for it because she’s scared he’s going to grow out of her love. he is not. and paul teaches him how to read a book without feeling like his eyes are drowning and he can’t believe he’s learning to read in high school. and he is moving through the days like water, finding a way around everything. got my driver’s license: and percy jackson knows it’s only a matter of time before he gets a death sentence too.

it’s always one step forward and three steps back: and percy jackson is waking up with no sense of who he is. he is carrying a goddess on his back and he doesn’t even know who his mother is. he is stepping across a river and erasing the curse of indestructible. he is again a demigod with too much vulnerability and not enough care. and he is being flung to an island where time doesn’t move and he doesn’t want to either. and he is healing like he never has before. and he is leaving and not even the girl who loves him can keep him there because he loves another girl and she doesn’t know she loves him back. and he is taking the sky from a friend and he is giving the sky to a goddess and he is leaving a hunter to see the stars and he is watching a new hunter evade the fate they are cursed with. and he was relieved from this burden for one brief second in time. burden of what? burden of sky? burden of prophecy? burden of death? and they are all handed back to him, presented with no other option. they are not the weights in the balancing scale. they are the scale and he is the weights. one step forward and three steps back: and percy jackson wonders if he can go far back enough to erase his own existence. 

i know you get déjà vu: and percy jackson is hurtled to summers spent in a camp, next to a girl, next to a satyr, next to a friend. and he is living his life in montauk with his mom and he is watching red hair fly in the wind, paint smudges on their  skin. and he is remembering how everything is different every year but he can still see the fire wall from his cabin and the smell of wild strawberries is the only thing his scent receptors know how to identify. and he knows solstice could bring death or happiness and he’s starting to think one doesn’t exist and one exists too much. and he sees people who love him and show it in ways he knows. blue candy has never been a complicated feeling. and doesn’t see people who love him in ways he doesn’t know. seaweed brain, let me come with you into the labyrinth, become praetor with me. and he thinks his childhood disappeared the day his mother was kidnapped and is it possible to have déjà vu if you’ve never lived enough to experience something once. and he thinks maybe the god of the sun gets déjà vu every time he pulls the star across the sky because it’s all about warmth isn’t it? your body’s way of saying we’ve been here before and we survived. i know you get déjà vu: and percy jackson is sure he has lived a thousand lives in this one alone.

good for you: and percy jackson is craving a life that doesn’t involve this madness. he is jealous of the kid in his science class that accidentally knocks over the bunsen burner and only gets a disapproving look from the teacher. his nose bleed starts a war. he is jealous of the neireids that simply become the water and wait for the world to stop burning itself to the ground. you look happy and healthy and he looks like he’s missing five years of his life and no way of moving forward. he is tired and he wants to sleep but the last time he did that it was six months later and he couldn’t remember anything. and he wants to sink to the bottom of the ocean but he is still exhaling mud because he drowned in sludge once. and he is too young to be this exhausted but. good for you: and percy jackson wants to become the villain.

all i ever wanted was to be enough for you: and percy jackson is struggling with the expectations people who don't know him want him to have. he is twelve and the teacher hands back a test face down and he knows he’s going to shove it into the pit of his bag before he can be scathed by a red pen. he is thirteen and his mother has finally given herself the hero ending she deserves but he is still this little kid who doesn’t know how to handle the world and if she doesn’t need him to protect her what is his purpose? he is a teenager watching people have silent conversations about his fate and getting no replies when he asks too. as if it is ridiculous to involve himself in these discussions. he can't be the one, it’s not possible. and wait she is here, from her tree grave. no, she is gone, to her hunter fate. wait they are here from their timeless casino. no she is gone and he is young. far too young. and he can’t do this and he can’t do that and he isn’t there yet, not powerful, too reckless, too loyal. the monsters realise his potential and use it to hurt him. the people don't realise his potential and wish he would use it. all i ever wanted was to be enough for you: and percy jackson is too far gone to be of use.

i hope you're happy, but don't be happier: and percy jackson cannot fall in love unless it’s with her. and he has seen the beauty of people and he wants to keep them all close and he doesn’t know how to do it because she keeps him in her grasp. deathly afraid of spiders she says but she has built a web so big he can't move without getting caught. and he goes to a scorned girl on a secluded beach and he likes the way her eyes sparkle in the sun, how she plants the same way his mother does and he leaves her there because she doesn’t have a storm in her gaze. and he loses his memory and remembers only her and he knows it’s inescapable. and maybe he kind of loves it. nobody has ever really given him a choice anyway. at least this one he can love. i hope you're happy, but don't be happier: and percy jackson has never known happier anyway.

jealousy, jealousy: and percy jackson is surrounded by the best. he is in a camp dedicated to people like him and he is still at the bottom. and he is on a quest that makes him the main perpetrator but he is still being puppeted along. and he cant help but wonder if he will turn out like the boy with the scarred face. and he cant help but wonder if he’ll turn out like the girl who grabbed a figurine. and he can't help but wonder if he’ll become a monster or a hero and what’s the difference really. everyone is fighting for a cause. it’s just the matter of whose side you're on. and he wants to know what will happen if he just lets go. he wants to be like the people who follow their cause. instead he is doing biddings. he is following orders. he is making things right. jealousy, jealousy: and percy jackson wants to know if he can be jealous of his own dreams.

i hope i was your favorite crime: and percy jackson is a little kid with a long record. he is on the news plastered as a criminal endangering others, blowing up a bus. it is not the last destruction he causes. he learns to get clever about it. and he is on the news sobbing about his generous stepdad. generous about the bruises he administers, and the words he spits. generous about his appliances. and he is on the news for jumping off a bridge too high to survive. and he doesn’t really know if he will survive but when is he ever really sure he’s going to survive anyway? at least this was a choice. and he is always a criminal unable to plead his innocence. i hope i was your favorite crime: and percy jackson wonders if anyone cares about the injustices against him. 

you're okay: and percy jackson is staring at his reflection in the rippling water and he knows it’s time to forgive himself. he was just a child. with far too much responsibility and far too much guilt. he had seen death before he’d had his first kiss. he had felt pain before he felt comfort. he had never known safety. and now he is old enough to go wherever he wants and do whatever he wants and he has to forgive himself first. because he was just a kid with a hundred targets on his back and only a fierce need to survive protecting him. you’re okay: and percy jackson knows he will be. 

[petruchio]

anyway another thing i hate is when people in my major are like “well we study english because we’re wealthy so we can, but we know it doesn’t really matter” like idk i completely understand that there’s a large amount of privilege involved in pursuing a liberal arts degree but at the same time our realities are not the same. like first of all, obviously not everyone who studies english is wealthy, poor people are allowed to be in higher education too, and by tacitly excluding socioeconomic class from the conversation you reduce the quality of your discussions by a magnitude of thousands. but another thing is like, maybe we study english so we learn how to be better thinkers and better consumers of the world? surely if we imagine ourselves as studying a “useless discipline” then we’ve already lost sight of the entire purpose of our degree? i talk a lot of shit about my unemployable degree, but i would never think it to be materially useless. to study english isn’t to study “books,” to study english is to study the very things that make us human, to study english is to learn how to think, how to articulate yourself, how to understand language and meaning and truth and through those lenses, to understand society!

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Gavin’s 2021 Birthday R&S

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for an R&S which has not been released in EN! 🍒

[ This was released on 24 July 2021 ]

[ Chapter One: Model Aircraft Competition ]

The cicadas outside the window are clamorous, and the dark green trees cover the blazing sun, casting shady and cooling patches.

This is an incredibly ordinary late afternoon. The summer vacation is about to arrive, and the classroom is filled with the buzzing chatter of students, as rowdy as usual.

Gavin is asleep on the seat next to the window. Sunlight passes through the crevices of leaves and linger on his shoulders, bright and indolent. However, he isn’t actually sleeping, and the conversation between his deskmate and the student in front of him drift to his ears clearly.

“Hey, are you going for that model aircraft competition the teacher mentioned a few days ago?”

“I heard all the middle schoolers in our city will be participating. Those who get prizes will have extra marks, and the person who gets first place can visit the Aviation Headquarters!”

“Then again, you’ll need the capabilities to win. If you're participating, I’ll watch.”

“Hehe, you speak as though the person who lags behind in every subject can bag a trophy.”

The two of them attack each other with taunting remarks. After lapsing into a moment of silence, they suddenly turn their gazes to Gavin simultaneously.

Gavin’s deskmate pokes his arm and calls out to him.

“Gavin, you aren’t asleep, are you?”

The figure wearing a blue and white school uniform remains plopped on the desk, unmoving. A slightly muffled response drifts from him.

“What is it?”

Gavin’s deskmate and the student sitting in front of him look at each other, then speak excitedly.

“Do you know about that recent model aircraft competition?”

Gavin lets out a “mm”.

“Aren’t you going to participate?”

“We had a discussion about it, and felt that in the entire class, you’re the only one with the capabilities to win a prize. The others are just a bunch of useless troops, and they’d be of no use even if they went.”

Gavin stirs slightly. His deskmate looks at him with anticipation. In the end, he simply cushions his head using the other arm.

“Not interested.”

“Huh?”

His deskmate stares at the back of his head in utter disbelief.

“Your dad’s a military officer, and you’ve seen more real planes since young as compared to the number of models we’ve played with. This competition is basically made for you.”

Gavin doesn’t respond. In the sunlight, a few strands of hair on the back of the youth’s head stick up disobediently, clearly showing that he isn’t in the best of moods.

At this moment, the dismissal bell rings. Along with the cheers from students, the classroom erupts into a state of chaos.

Gavin finally sits up. After stuffing the English book he used as a pillow into his sling bag, he turns around and leaves the classroom.

After the figure vanishes at the door, Gavin’s deskmate turns to the student sitting in front of him, expressing puzzlement.

“Why do you think Gavin doesn’t want to participate? A few days ago, I saw him at the bookstore outside school buying an Aeromodelling Atlas.”

The student in front of him shrugs, signalling that he has no idea.

“Maybe he got bored.”

[ Chapter Two - Proof ]

When Gavin reaches home, his mother has yet to return.

Placing his bag down, he suddenly notices a new post-it note on the fridge. On it, there’s a menu written in delicate handwriting: Stir-fried tomato and scrambled eggs, fried stuffed tofu, stir-fried duck with pineapples.

There’s a smiley face drawn on the last line, and the words “The dishes Little Gav loves to eat” are written at the side.

Only then does Gavin remember - his birthday is coming.

Every year, his mother would start preparations way in advance. It’s as if in her eyes, this particular day is even more worthy of celebration as compared to all other festivals.

And this year is no exception.

The post-it note is a little crooked. Gavin uses a fridge magnet to straighten it, then returns to his room.

The small room is covered with traces of youth. There are posters of basketball celebrities on the walls, and there's a globe and a few books on the desk.

After hesitating for a while, Gavin pulls open his bag and takes out a pamphlet. On it, there’s information pertaining to the model aircraft competition.

He reads the information seriously. A breeze blows the the white curtains, and the lights and shadows of dusk outline the youth’s straightened back profile, casting specks of light on a book. The words “Aeromodelling Atlas” can be vaguely seen. 

While reading, he suddenly recalls the words his deskmate said-

“Your dad’s a military officer, and you’ve seen more real planes since young as compared to the number of models we’ve played with. This competition is basically made for you.”

His grip on the pamphlet abruptly tightens. Gavin rolls it into a ball and tosses it on the table, getting up in frustration and leaving the room.

Everything in the living room is clean and tidy. The school uniform he had changed out of is drying in the balcony. The large uniform drifts with the wind, and the air is filled with the fragrance of soap.

Even though there are clear traces of diligence and attentiveness, certain things can still be seen.

Model robots and clay crafts are displayed neatly on the left side of the built-in cupboard. However, there’s nothing on the right side.

All the cups and plates form a complete set. However, one cup is placed upside down on the cup rack. Although it has been a long time since it was last used, its owner wipes it spotlessly every day.

It’s as if the person she’s waiting for has always been around. Disappointment has repeated itself in endless cycles, but she continually harbours hope.

Gavin ignores such traces. He walks over to the fan in the living room, furrowing his brows as he squats down.

This fan has been spoilt for several days. Each time it’s turned on, it releases a strange clacking sound, akin to a heavy wooden door being pushed open with great effort.

-

When Wardia steps in with a bag of groceries, she sees Gavin half-squatting and studying that fan which has been broken for numerous days.

She calls out to Gavin.

“Little Gav, the fan is spoilt. I’ll ask a worker to fix it tomorrow. Don’t mind it.”

“When you called yesterday, the worker said that he wouldn’t be free these days. He probably won’t be able to drop by tomorrow either.”

Gavin pushes the outer shell of the fan lightly, and the white netted cover stirs gently, letting out a muffled buzz.

“No need to call for a worker. I can fix it.”

Wardia is stunned for a moment. Then, her eyes crinkle into a smile.

“When did our Little Gav become so incredible?”

Gavin stands up, his tone very certain.

“Leave it to me.”

Wardia casts a contemplative glance at Gavin. He’s going to be 14 soon. At this age, children tend to think about a lot of things, and may be exceptionally sensitive in certain areas.

Since a particular point in time, he had already been working hard and learning how to become a man with an indomitable spirit.

She can only nod.

“Okay. Mommy bought green beans today. I’ll prepare you a cooling soup later to alleviate the summer heat.”

With this, Gavin responds by heading to the kitchen to get a bowl to soak the beans for his mother.

The green coloured beans are immersed in water. Some float and some sink, and their colours are clear.

Wardia looks at Gavin. After a moment of hesitance, she speaks in a light-hearted and leisurely tone.

“Little Gav... Daddy took up an urgent mission recently and was sent to a very faraway place. He might not be around for your birthday this year again...”

“Mm, I’ve got it.”

Gavin’s tone is very indifferent. It’s as though whether that person returns or not has nothing to do with him at all. Wardia wants to say something, but after opening her mouth, she turns around, forcefully suppressing her emotions. 

Gavin carries the bowl with both hands. When he sees his mother’s back, he suddenly grows quiet.

Why harbour hope when one clearly knows the ending?

After dinner, Gavin returns to his room. The pamphlet is still on the desk. He pauses for a moment, then reaches out to pick it up.

He’s going to be 14 years old soon.

Becoming one year older is something his mother looks forward to even more than he does. Because of this, she feels even guiltier with every year of his father’s absence.

Even though he knows he doesn’t need that person to wish him a happy birthday, he hopes that his mother can be a little more genuinely happy on his birthday.

Gavin makes a decision.

He smoothens the pamphlet on the desk. In a serious manner, he fills up the registration form on the back with his name. When he sets down the pen, his eyes sparkle with a certain determination.

He wants to participate in the model aircraft competition, and he wants to get first place.

He wants to use something he likes to prove to that person that he has already grown up, and has become even more incredible than he imagined.

“I’m going to prove to you that I can still do it without Evol.” He repeats resolutely once more.

If that person left this house back then because of how small and weak Gavin was, he’d definitely have a slightly different answer when he sees the current Gavin.

He’d definitely want to... return and see this family.

[ Chapter Three - Wings Waiting To Fly ]

Aeromodelling books and scattered materials are piled up in Gavin’s room. When Wardia enters while carrying chilled green bean lily bulb soup, she sees Gavin sitting cross-legged on the floor, using a vernier calliper to measure the wingspan.

Wardia carefully steps across the spare parts, placing the bowl on the desk.

“Little Gav, why are you so diligent in this competition? You’ve been fiddling around in your room for several days.”

Gavin wipes sweat off his forehead.

“This is a really large-scale competition. The teacher says that the person in first place will get to visit the Aviation Headquarters. I want to have a look.”

He’s determined not to tell his mother the true reason.

Wardia nods, giving him a “work hard” gesture.

“In that case, Little Gav must continue working hard and strive to be a guest at the aviation base.”

Wardia pauses, then looks at Gavin seriously.

“But Little Gav, even though this is a very rare opportunity, you must remember that no matter what happens at the end, Mommy will be happy for you. Because I know that you’re doing something you like, that you’ve worked hard, and have obtained happiness in the process. And that’s enough.”

Gavin nods.

“I know.”

“Oh yes, Mommy also wants to use this chance to discuss your birthday plans with you.”

Wardia grins while posing a question.

“What does Little Gav want as a birthday present this year? And what kind of pattern do you want your birthday cake to have?”

“Do you want to invite your classmates over to celebrate with you?”

Wardia prattles on endlessly as she counts the plans she has for his birthday on her fingers. That pair of beautiful eyes are layered with gentleness, but also hide a twinge of guilt.

It’s as though she’s exerting her all to ensure that other aspects are done even better to make up for that guilt.

After Gavin ponders for a while, he shakes his head.

“I’ve already grown up, so there isn’t anything I specially want as a birthday gift.”

“I just want Mommy to always be happy.”

When Wardia hears Gavin’s words, she’s taken aback for half a second. Her eyes stir slightly.

After this, she walks over to hug Gavin gently. Gavin has no idea why his mother is suddenly doing this, but he puts down the blueprint of the aircraft wing, reaching out to return his mother’s hug.

Wardia speaks softly yet resolutely.

“Little Gav, even if you become an adult in the future and become a man with an indomitable spirit, your birthday is still an important thing.”

She pauses.

“Because this day doesn’t just belong to you. It also belongs to everyone who loves you, and the people who have prepared and looked forward to this day for a very long time.

After his mother leaves the room, Gavin looks at the blueprint of the plane which is just beginning to take shape. He repeats what his mother said softly.

“It also belongs to everyone who loves you, and the people who have prepared and looked forward to this day for a very long time...”

Those clear eyes seem to be filled with an even greater determination to win the prize. He picks up the vernier calliper and continues measuring the wingspan.

[ Chapter Four: Heading In Another Direction ]

There’s only one week till Gavin’s birthday.

That huge pile of materials in Gavin’s room has turned into a beautiful white plane with blue wings and smooth lines.

At the competition venue, that white aircraft model ascends, spins around, flies upside down, and lands under Gavin’s control. Everyone is astonished at how perfect it is.

Without any reservations, Gavin wins first place.

The person handing out prizes is a certain officer from an aviation base. He places a small plane-shaped badge into Gavin’s hand.

“You referenced the air freighter Y2251 for the style, didn’t you? I could tell from a glance.”

Gavin nods, and the officer pats him on the shoulder.

“You reconstructed it very close to the original. Being this outstanding at such a young age, I believe your father will definitely be proud of you when he knows about this.”

Gavin lifts his head sharply, staring at the officer.

“Do you know him?”

The officer who handed him the award chuckles.

“I met him at an international meeting in the past. He’s a very outstanding soldier.”

Gavin doesn’t speak further. He lowers his eyes, tightly gripping that badge which symbolises the sky.

-

At night, Gavin sits at the edge of the window, lifting the small aviator badge to his eyes, staring at it meticulously under the moonlight.

The badge isn’t large, but the wings on it have been engraved vividly. It’s as though in the very next second, it could break free from the heavy fetters of metal, flying freely towards the horizon.

Gavin looks at it for a very long time, then reluctantly shifts his gaze away from the badge.

The summer evening breeze passes by his lapel, bringing with it a cooling and refreshing scent. The trees in the courtyard are very tall, and the sprigs of blossoming plants stretch to the edges of the window, touching his ankle.

This is the first time he has attained honour based on his own strength. Does this mean he now possesses the strength to be acknowledged by others?

He looks at the badge. Finally, his eyes crinkle into a slight smile, unintentionally revealing the wilfulness and pride that a youth should have.

Using his hands to support himself on the edge of the window, Gavin turns around and leaps back into his room. He locates a plain white envelope from his drawer, then picks up a pen. On the address line, he fills in his father’s current location, then stuffs the badge into the envelope solemnly.

After hesitating for a while, he scrunches up the envelope slightly. A few creases immediately appear on it.

Only after he leaps over the wall and heads out to slip that envelope into a mailbox at the corner of the street does Gavin release a soft sigh of relief.

This is a proof of pride, and it’s also an invitation from a youth. 

An invitation for the person whom his mother cares about to return to this place, and spend a birthday together which could constitute a “reunion”.

Gavin stands in front of the mailbox, lifting his head to look at the star-studded sky.

Tonight, the Milky Way seems to be brighter than in previous nights. Sagittarius emits a resplendent light, and the bow formed by stars points towards an unknown, faraway place.

[ Chapter Five: Indentations of Growth ]

On the early morning of Gavin’s birthday, Wardia cooks him a bowl of longevity noodles, and there’s even a soft-boiled egg burrowed underneath the noodles.

“Happy birthday, Little Gav.”

“From today onwards, you’ve grown one year older.”

His mother smiles as she says her well wishes to Gavin. After he’s done eating the noodles, she holds out a measuring tape.

“Shall we measure how much taller our Little Gav has grown this year?”

“...okay.”

Gavin is slightly resigned but accustomed to it as he stands next to the pole in the corridor. 

Right now, he has already grown much taller. In a serious manner, Wardia uses a pencil to draw a mark near the roof of his head.

“Our Little Gav has grown much taller. Wow, one, two, three... four centimetres.”

His mother keeps the measuring tape and Gavin steps away from the pole. There are numerous deep and light indents on the white body of the pole - traces that witness one boy’s growth each year.

"Looks like I won’t need to measure you next year. Little Gav has already grown taller than Mommy.”

Gavin immediately cuts in, his tone extremely certain.

“I’ll protect Mommy.”

Wardia taps Gavin’s forehead lightly.

“Mommy doesn’t need to be protected by Little Gav. Mommy will protect Little Gav. I’ll celebrate your birthday with you every year until you grow up.”

“What will happen after I grow up?”

His mother grins as she turns around and enters the kitchen. Her gentle voice drifts to Gavin’s ears, and sounds a little hazy.

“After you grow up, you’ll meet someone like Mommy who is willing to celebrate a lifetime of birthdays with you.”

While his mother starts busying herself to prepare Gavin’s birthday feast, Gavin decides to fix the fan in the living room.

With the successful experience of aeromodelling, Gavin picks up the instruction manual and fixes that clanking fan very quickly.

The fixed fan starts rotating to and fro in a leisurely manner, releasing a cooling wind. Gavin closes his eyes to feel the breeze, and his hair is blown up, fluttering messily.

“It’s fixed.” Gavin opens his eyes, turning his head to look at the time.

Noon passed not too long ago, and it’s still very early.

Gavin thinks for a moment, then heads into his room to retrieve the model aircraft. He sits on the steps of the courtyard.

A chunk of paint on the model aircraft cracked a few days ago. Gavin holds a small brush, slowly giving a fresh coat of paint to the tailplane.

The cicadas on the trees are noisy as always, and the brilliant sunlight filters through the leaves, falling on Gavin’s face.

While using the small brush to mend the plane with layers of paint, Gavin occasionally lifts his head towards the nearby door.

Judging by the time, he should still reach today, no matter how late it is.

Birds soar in the sky, and the sun continuously shifts to the west, until it brings twilight with it, turning into a semicircle about to be swallowed up by the horizon.

Gavin sits on the steps for a very long time, from noon till late afternoon, and until the beautiful lines on the model aircraft have been mended, laying beside him quietly.

Yet, that door doesn’t get pushed open.

A few leaves are blown by the wind, and they fall on the wings of the model aircraft. Gavin reaches out to pick the leaves up.

He grips the leaves in his palm, lowering his eyes and thinking about something unknown to anyone else.

With a sudden creak, the sound of a door opening drifts from afar, and footsteps land on Gavin’s ears.

Gavin instantly straightens up, but he quickly faces away.

The tender dusk envelops him, illuminating the slightly upturned corners of his lips.

[ Chapter Six: A Heart of Well Wishes ]

The people who pushed the door open are his maternal grandfather and grandmother.

Carrying a birthday cake, they brim with smiles as they walk towards Gavin.

His grandfather grabs Gavin into a hug.

“We wish our Little Gav a happy birthday.”

His grandmother lifts the cake, waving it at Gavin.

“Grandpa and Grandma specially bought a cake to see you, and to celebrate our Little Gav’s birthday.”

“Thanks, Grandpa and Grandma.”

Gavin receives the cake from his grandmother and heads towards the living room with them. Before walking up the steps, Gavin casts another glance at the door.

The door remains quietly caged in twilight, waiting alongside Gavin.

But even until the evening grows dark, it is never pushed open again.

Wardia notices Gavin’s abnormal silence. When she follows his gaze and looks at the door outside, she realises something.

However, Wardia doesn’t say anything. She simply pauses, then is full of smiles as she opens the cake box.

“Here’s wishing our birthday boy a happy 14th birthday!” His grandparents grin while singing the birthday song.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...”

After singing the birthday song, his mother looks at Gavin, speaking gently.

“Go on and make a wish, Little Gav.”

Gavin stares at the cake and remains silent for a while. Then, he speaks quietly in his heart.

It’s fine if that person doesn't return. It’s fine if he isn’t acknowledged. Anyway, he has celebrated his birthday today, and has grown one year older.

He can fix a fan for his mother, and can use his strength to protect this home.

So-

It’s fine.

-

After dinner, the family sits in the courtyard to enjoy the cool air.

Hearing from his mother that Gavin won the first place in the aeromodelling competition, his grandparents are extremely surprised.

“Little Gav is truly incredible. Isn’t it really difficult to build models? What reward would you like? Grandpa and Grandma will give it to you.”

“There isn’t anything I want as a reward.”

However, his grandfather is very stubborn.

“You’re still so young. How can there be nothing that you want? Just suggest something, and treat it as a gift from your Grandpa and Grandma.”

At this appropriate time, Wardia cuts in. “This is a well wish from your elders, so just accept it.”

Gavin lowers his eyes and thinks for a moment. Then, he lifts his head and responds softly.

“In that case, I want our family to be like this every year in the future.”

He pauses, his eyes carrying within them slight warmth and ease.

“We’ll eat cake together, talk together, and sing the birthday song together.”

"That’s such an easy feat. Every year in the future, Grandpa and Grandma will bring a cake and celebrate Little Gav’s birthday with your Mommy.”

“It’s a deal.”

The evening breeze blows past gently, blowing up stray hairs in front of Gavin’s forehead, revealing a pair of clear amber eyes. He turns back to the courtyard and watches as his grandparents and mother engage in small talk and laughing to their heart’s content.

This is a complete family which has been mended with love, and it has much warmth and many things to look forward to.

It encases the youth’s heart, enabling him to not feel lonely at this moment.

The Milky Way is as magnificent as always. Beneath the brilliant star-studded sky, the tree which has been growing in the courtyard for a very long time stands quietly, as though it would remain this way every year.

Cheri’s Reflections:

Imagine if the letter wasn’t sent because Gavin forgot to put stamps LOL T^T

Not-so-fun fact: Wardia died when Gavin was 15, so this is the last birthday they spent together...

And MC not reading his letter back in Loveland High and leaving him waiting for hours hurts even more now because it probably reminded him of how he waited for his father to no avail

✈️ Spreading Wings Date: here

✈️ Support the cafe by dropping by the tip jar!

[krabmeat]

hhhhhellllooooo aaaagggaiiinnnnnn, thheeeeee ffffficcccc wwwwasssss vvverrryy nnnicceeee tooo rrrreeeeaaadddd!! ccccccoooouulllddddd youuuuu wwwwrrrrittteeeeee aaaaa puffffyyyyy x sbbbiiii rrreeeadddeerrrr whhheeeerrrreeeee ttthhheeeeyyyy wwwweeerrreee neeeegggleeeccccttteeeddd annndddd ssssaaaawwww pppufffy aaassss thhheeeirrrr ppppaaarrrrennnttttalll fffiggurrreee iiinnsstttteeeeadddd (cccaaannn thhiisss beeee iinnn tttheeee uuunnniiveerrrsseeee whhherrreee puffffy, ddrreeeammm, ssschlllaattt annnddd tuubbbooo aaarrreee knnoowwnn aassss tttthheeee hooornnns ffffammmilllyyyyy? aaallsssooo!! alllssoooo!!! cccaaann ttheeee rrreeeaddderrrr bbbeeee aaa cccrooowwwww hhhyyybbbriiiiddddddd?) tthhisss isss kkkinnddaaaa lllikeeee aaaa emmmeeerrrggeeencccyyy rrreeequeeessstt ccausseee myyyy ffffammilyyyy haasss beeen iggnorrringgg meee foooorrr aaaawhileeee nooowwww :(( - beeeee aaannnoooonnnn

𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜

𝙿𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚢 𝚡 𝚗𝚎𝚐𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚍!𝚋𝚒𝚛𝚍!𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 (𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚌)

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜: Puffy, (next bunch are only mentioned) Tommy, Wilbur, Technoblade, Philza, Tubbo, Schlatt, Dream

𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚜: they/them

𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: neglect, mentions of death, mentions of smoking, repetitive words (right after the page break)

𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎:

Bee!! im so happy you enjoyed the other request bud!! i hope this one lives up to your expectations!

im so sorry your family has been ignoring you though, dude :[[ they dont deserve you, and trust me! id be more than happy to be your new "horn family" because you deserve so much better

mmmm anyways,

ENJOY!!

---------------------------------

My name is signed in this book so many different times. It feels like every floorboard and every room in this building knows me like we’re old friends. The same format over and over in the small sign up booklet:

“Y/n L/n- issues to discuss, I’ve been feeling neglected and need help. Please.

Y/n L/n- more problems from the first meeting discussion we had.

Y/n L/n- I feel lonely. Too lonely.

Y/n L/n- they keep on forgetting me, I don’t know what to do.

Y/n L/n- more has happened. Are they forgetting me or ignoring me? Help.

Y/n L/n- they’re drifting away, I don’t know what to do.

Y/n L/n- I miss them.

Y/n L/n- I miss them.

Y/n L/n- I miss them.

Y/n L/n- I miss them.

Y/n L/n- I miss you. 

Y/n L/n- I miss you. 

Y/n L/n- I miss you. 

Y/n L/n- I miss you. 

Y/n L/n- I miss you.”

Puffy is the only one I can turn to at this point. My real family has just...dispersed. They’re all too busy, or y'know- dead. Tommy’s been going off on his own with his hotel. He usually only visits me if he needs to “borrow” money or materials, but lately he’s just been stealing it. Techno and Philza are caught up in their Syndicate work, they haven’t even bothered keeping contact with me. And Wilbur is just...well, dead! He was killed during the Manburg explosion. It’s not even that they just forget me. They ignore me, neglect me. I’ve tried on so many different occasions to just send them messages through our comms or strike up conversation with them if I see them on a rare occasion, but it’s always just the cold shoulder. And it’s getting even colder. It’s numbing. Family is supposed to be there for you through your strife, so where is mine?

Well, I’ll tell you. My family at the moment mainly consists of Puffy and occasionally Tubbo. The horn family of the SMP, technically Schlatt and Dream as well but seeing as Schlatt is dead and Dream is in prison I don’t really see them often. 

“Y/n? Hey there bud!” 

A familiar warm and friendly voice is heard from behind me. I turned around to see the lady I wanted to see right about now, Puffy. She wraps me in a quick side hug, squeezing my shoulder affectionately. 

“I was just here to check my sign up booklet! Did you wanna check in again?”

I nod my head at her signaling that I just wanna chat like usual. She gets the sign and walks me to the small tree we’ve recently been going to to talk. It’s the tree that Schlatt smoked his cigarettes at when he was president. Sure, he’s dead and did a lot of bad things but Puffy suggested this place since she finds it comforting since they’re related. 

We sit down on the worn grass around the tree as we usually do. 

“So, what’s up? Anything in particular you wanna talk about, bud?”

Puffy usually starts off these conversations, she’s looking at me with a soft smile. It’s very comforting. She’s the only one who’s been giving me this kind of affection. I haven’t felt it in so long… 

“Y/n…? Your wings are scrunching up, what’s wrong?”

I look back confused as to what she’s talking about. My wings are in fact scrunching together against my back, it seems like they’ve been scrunching up more and more the more I was in my head about my family.

“I just…my family..did I do something wrong?”

Puffy tilts her head, she usually does this when she wants me to elaborate.

“I’ve tried so many different times to just talk to them! Even when we were younger, they rarely paid any attention to me. I had hoped that letting Tommy take my things or giving Philza and Techno their space to work on their stuff or helping Wil-“

“Y/n! Y/n, please slow down. Now, collect your thoughts, alright? What is it that you're trying to say?”

I take a deep breath. The memories and thoughts clouding my mind. The days I’d spend in our family’s house touch starved and lonely. The days they’d only talk to me to feed me or to ask me for something. The days I’d go to sleep in my twin-sized bed and feel the black and gold-tipped wings on my back rubbing against my arms, reminding me who I was and will always be bound to. A father who doesn’t care, and siblings full of neglect.

“Is it really a big request to just want some attention from them? I don’t know what I did, and Puffy, it destroys me to think I did something to hurt them. I just want them to like me! What did I do?!”

I’m sent over the edge at this point. Tears are streaming down my face and my sobs get more and more aggressive the more I try to repress it.

“AND I HAVE THESE WINGS ON MY BACK TO REMIND ME OF THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T CARE!”

Puffy takes one of my hands in hers and gives me a small handkerchief from her pocket with her free hand.

“Y/n...it kills me to hear that you truly feel this way. But please, please tell me- why do you care so much about people who don’t care at all?”

I sit and stare at the velvet red piece of fabric in my hand. Why do I care so much?

“W-well..because they’re my family! And I should still care for them!”

She looks at me and wraps her arms around me in a tight hug. It takes me by surprise and I’m frozen in place.

“Bad people are bad people. It doesn’t matter who they are or what their relations with you are, they hurt you. It doesn’t matter if they’re your blood family, if they aren’t willing to give you the love that you need then they aren’t worth it, Y/n.”

I’ve been caught off guard by what Puffy had said. My mind analyzes and sifts through the memory of her words. It leaves me distraught to realize she makes sense. I’m desperate to grab onto something to say, but I can’t think of anything. So, I say basically the last thing I can. 

“I wanna be part of your family, Puffy. I want horns, not these wings.”

Puffy breaks from the hug to look at me straight in the eyes. She still has that warm, welcoming smile on her face. The only form of comfort I have around here now. And I’m thankful for it.

“You don’t need horns to be part of my family, Y/n. I’ll accept you with open arms.”

[writingwithcolor]

Hey! I’m currently writing a Jewish character and was wondering if this would be offensive: my character has a family where her mother is Jewish but her father celebrates Christmas, so they fuse their holiday celebrations to bring their two families together for any holidays that fall in line with eachother. Would this be a problem? I’m basing her off of irl friends who’s family does this, but I want to make sure it doesn’t seem like I’m erasing her Jewish heritage and pride. Thanks so much!

Celebrating Hanukkah & Christmas in interfaith family

No problems from me other than to note that I hope you meant to say that they're both celebrated, not that they're literally "combined." Because putting Christian ritual into a Jewish holiday would bug me, as a reader, but someone watching Mom light the menorah before going out caroling with Dad would not--for example. Does that make sense? There are plenty of interfaith families out there that do both, but keeping the actual practices separate is the best way to keep the Jewish ones Jewish. (And in my example I was picturing both parents there for each activity, so it's not like I'm calling for that much separation -- just, not bringing up "the meaning of Christmas" while you're literally telling the Chanukah story.

You may also want to decide if the character themselves is drawn in one direction or the other, or neither yet. (You said "Jewish heritage and pride" so from this I gather that's how she believes? In that case, is Christmas totally just a fun secular thing for her or is it something she regards as an outsider, religiously speaking?)

--Shira

I'm going to start by saying that interfaith families exist, and have a variety of ways of expressing their combination of cultures. I'm absolutely not here to argue with that, be negative about that very real way of life, or invalidate those experiences in the slightest. 

With that being said... people outside our community really, really love to show us celebrating Christmas, and Easter, and eating bacon, or doing anything else that might code us as assimilated (regardless of our internal identities). These are things that some Jewish people do, and I think it's absolutely good to show the breadth of the community, and the varied ways we express ourselves, but I do not, at all, trust someone outside the community to do that mindfully. 

In wider media, whether books, television, movies etc. Jewish characters are so often shown to be either assimilated, or from an interfaith family. Interfaith does not necessarily mean assimilated of course! But the fact of their interfaith relationship is often used as a convenient way to get the Jewish character into situations that are intended to show how "not really" Jewish they are. There is an obsession with showing us as assimilated, a delight that is taken in trying to prove that we either are exactly the same as the broader culture, or that our differences can be erased and eroded until we are. 

A Jewish person remains Jewish, whether they go to a Christmas party or not, whether they have shrimp at dinner or not, whether they marry a non-Jewish person or not, but the intent behind constantly showing Jewish characters doing this is suspect to me. This asker may not have this ill-intent, but frankly, it's hard to come by a character, written by a non-Jewish person, that says "I'm Jewish" in the beginning of a work, and then "oh, no thank you, I don't celebrate Christmas" in the middle, let alone even continuing to say "I'm Jewish" by the end.

When I read a work about interfaith families, and their specific traditions by a person inside the community, or coming from an interfaith background themselves, I'm interested, happy to learn about the characters, and their lives. When I read a work like that by someone outside the community it leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth, and the feeling that even fictional versions of us are being gleefully, voyeuristically, intentionally assimilated.

-- Dierdra

1) If your character is invested in their Jewish heritage, celebrating Chanukah is not enough to show this. Please please please research our other holidays and traditions, talk to Jewish people who feel the same level of connection to their Jewish roots, consume #OwnVoices materials.

2) Agree with Dierdra that interfaith families exist and deserve representation, but that writing an assimilated character requires a lot of research and sensitivity; any blatant disregard of halacha should probably be avoided in case it is consumed in that voyeuristic way by the reader.

3) And with Christmas in particular, you can be close to touching a nerve because not all Jewish people have fond memories of Christmas, to say the least. To people of minority faiths, it can be the time when our othering is the most blatant and impactful (we’ve included some personal stories below). 

It would be best to listen to many Jewish experiences of December shenanigans, from people who celebrate Christmas partially or fully, to those who are indifferent, to those who have mainly negative associations and memories.

-- Shoshi

Our personal experiences with Christmas (Jewish Mods)

Also, as a note from all of us, discussing this question brought up so many stories about our own experiences with Christmas, and the culture surrounding it.  A selection of them are below, just to give an idea of what it can be like:

- Just not having lights up was enough to get our neighbor asking our then roommate if we were "you know... sorta..." When our roommate confirmed that we are indeed Jewish, he reassured him that it was "fine." It didn't feel fine to be told that though. I also had a neighbor ask what we were doing for Christmas once, and I said "oh, we do Chanukah in this house" just to keep it casual. She excitedly yelled back "JEWS!!" Even without Covid I was getting to the point where December was just a month where I tried to stay in, and avoid getting grumpy at people who are just enjoying their holiday (they just happen to be enjoying it everywhere, all the time. And sometimes kind of aggressively). God forbid you correct someone when they wish you a Merry Christmas. 

- Me too, it's the marketing, it's so aggressive. Last year I got so fed up with Christmas music being on in the office that I decided to bring a dreidel and spin it casually on my desk throughout the day, just so that my own space could feel like it was somewhat reserved for my own identity, you know? On day two of this, a colleague I didn't know that well came up to me and said, "Please could you stop doing that? It's really loud." I wanted to yell "NOT AS LOUD AS YOUR MUSIC!", but I didn't, I just stopped spinning it because I'm a darn pushover at times. I had to sit through my first hand-wringing 'how will we do Christmas with Covid?' conversation in about September, even though Pesach and Eid were both during the height of lockdown in this country and no one said a thing until after the fact. 

- I've had people scoff, and sniff, and make snide comments to my face in my old workplace when I politely reminded them that I don't celebrate Christmas. It can get so uncomfortable, just existing in the world, and Christmas can end up a really miserable time. 

[allthecanadianpolitics]

Event Listings: Monday, August 30 – Sunday, September 5

This is the most recent compilation from the Radical Events Ottawa (REO) List. The REO List is a public announcement list for radical events, meetings, protests, and other activities in Ottawa, Ontario, on unceded Algonquin territory. The Punch Up Collective collects submissions and produces this curated weekly compilation of upcoming activities.

Due to COVID-19, we’ve expanded the list of events we would typically include to feature more online activities and actions, including some that are not specific solely to the Ottawa area. 

Would you like to see your event included in the next REO list? Submit it through this form by the Friday before! Find out more about our submission guidelines and how to subscribe or unsubscribe here.

CONTENTS

International Overdose Awareness Day Ottawa – Tuesday, August 31, 11:30AM-12:30PM

Clayton Thomas-Müller Virtual Book Launch – Tuesday, August 31, 8:00-9:00PM

Justin Trudeau’s Foreign Policy: A Critical Perspective – Thursday September 2, 7:30PM ET

I Believe That We Will Win: Launch of Creative Imaginings / Creo que ganaremos: lanzamiento de imaginaciones creativas – Sunday September 12, 6:30 PM

Fridays For Future’s Global Climate Strike – Friday, September 24th, 2021 at noon

DETAILS 1. International Overdose Awareness Day Ottawa – Tuesday, August 31, 11:30AM-12:30PM Canadian Tribute to Human Rights, 220 Elgin, corner of Lisgar and Elgin

Hosted by DUAL, Drug Users Advocacy League International Overdose Awareness Day aims to raise awareness of drug overdose and eradicate the stigma attached to drug use. All overdoses are preventable.!!! Join us 2. Clayton Thomas-Müller Virtual Book Launch – Tuesday, August 31, 8:00-9:00PM Online

Hosted by McNally Robinson Booksellers

Join Indigenous rights and environmental policy activist Clayton Thomas-Müller, as he discusses his new memoir, Life in the City of Dirty Water (Allen Lane). Host TBC.

Registration is required to directly participate in the Zoom webinar: https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_21AdFb0dRnGH9Uw9uQm2hw

It will be simultaneously streamed on YouTube and available for viewing thereafter: https://youtu.be/2qME4oZFJWU

Anchoring the urgency of Indigenous rights and environmental policy in the sharing of his own intimately personal and incredible story, Life in the City of Dirty Water is a survivor’s call to action and understanding. A story of pain, healing, legacy, and tenacity.

Tying together personal stories of survival that bring the realities of the First Nations of this land into sharp focus, and lessons learned from a career as a frontline activist committed to addressing environmental injustice at a global scale, Thomas-Müller offers a narrative and vision of healing and responsibility.

Clayton Thomas-Müller is a member of the Treaty #6 based Mathias Colomb Cree Nation also known as Pukatawagan located in Northern Manitoba, Canada. He is a campaigner for 350.org, a global movement that’s responding to the climate crisis. He has campaigned on behalf of Indigenous peoples around the world for more than 20 years, working with the Indigenous Environmental Network, Black Mesa Water Coalition, Global Justice Ecology Project, and Bioneers, among others. Clayton has led Indigenous delegations to lobby United Nations bodies, including the UN Framework Convention on Climate Change, UN Earth Summit (Johannesburg, 2002 and Rio+20, 2012) and the UN Permanent Forum on Indigenous Issues. He has coordinated and led delegations of Indigenous peoples to lobby government in Washington, DC, Ottawa, and the European Union (Strasbourg and Brussels). 3. Justin Trudeau’s Foreign Policy: A Critical Perspective – Thursday September 2, 7:30PM ET Online, register at https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_T0cHdmXgSkuMQj5xBt7C4Q

Join us for a critical discussion of Justin Trudeau’s foreign policy. From militarism to mining, Afghanistan and Haiti to China and the Middle East, this webinar will provide a far-reaching critique of Trudeau’s foreign policy record.

Event is free and open to the public.

Featuring:

Raul Burbano Tamara Lorincz Yves Engler Bianca Mugyenyi (moderator)

Thursday September 2, 7:30PM ET

4. I Believe That We Will Win: Launch of Creative Imaginings / Creo que ganaremos: lanzamiento de imaginaciones creativas – Sunday September 12, 6:30 PM Online, Register here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSd3aw9DdtHmmu5QnelKzo7mHvdpxzvEv6hItTdbwP1_gFTc2A/viewform

[En español abajo] We put out a call for imaginings in the spring with the prompt: What would a world without extractivism look like for you? We were so thrilled with the submissions we received – paintings, collages, poems, music videos – and can’t wait to share them with you. We now invite you to a virtual launch on Sunday, September 12 at 6:30pm EST. There will be art, live music and poetry readings, and more from the artists who responded to our call. For the first time, the artists and their work will be in conversation with one another and will collectively vision a different future.RSVP HERE to reserve your spot for Sept 12: https://forms.gle/BM2DnxYvoEwfKQMMAThe submissions will also be housed permanently on the MISN website, which will be launched on the same day.For context — The world’s largest mining convention comes to Toronto each year, hosted by the Prospectors and Developers Association of Canada (PDAC). This year, however, PDAC 2021 moved entirely online. But don’t be fooled — just because the Metro Toronto Convention Centre was empty in March doesn’t mean that mining has stopped. Mining projects have continued in full force and workers have continued to travel to remote mine sites around the world, risking the health and safety of local communities.We at the Mining Injustice Solidarity Network (MISN) and our allies have a long history of intervening in and disrupting the convention, giving echo to the millions of voices around the world who say “YES” to life and “NO” to mining. People have long imagined and fought for a world without extractivism, and the systems of violence and oppression that sustain it. And with the pandemic disrupting an in-person convention this year, we’ve used it as an opportunity to continue these imaginings in an artistic form. What if the world’s largest mining convention never happened again?***RSVP HERE to reserve your spot for Sept 12: https://forms.gle/BM2DnxYvoEwfKQMMA Cover photo by Faustine Gruninger.———————————Creo que ganaremos: lanzamiento de imaginaciones creativasDistribuimos una llamada para la imaginación en el verano con la pregunta: ¿Cómo sería para usted un mundo sin extractivismo? El resultado ha sido emocionante — pinturas, fotografías, vídeos, animaciones, manualidades en material reciclado, dibujos..estamos impacientes de compartirlos con usted! Ahora te invitamos al lanzamiento virtual el 12 de septiembre, 6:30pm EDT. Habrá arte, lecturas de poemas, exposiciones cinematográficas, presentaciones musicales, y más. Por primera vez las artistas estarán en diálogo entre ellas, imaginando colectivamente un futuro diferente. ***RSVP – Hagan clic aquí para reservar su lugar en este evento: https://forms.gle/BM2DnxYvoEwfKQMMALa conferencia minera más grande del mundo llega cada año a Toronto, Canadá y está organizada por la “Association Canadiense de Prospectores y Desarrolladores” (PDAC). Este año, la conferencia se volverá completamente virtual por causa de la pandemia de COVID-19. Pero no se deje engañar: el hecho de que el centro de Toronto esté vacío (donde siempre tiene esta conferencia) no significa que la minería se haya detenido. Los proyectos mineros canadienses continúan con toda su fuerza alrededor del mundo.Nosotras organizadas en la Red de Solidaridad Contra la Minería Injusta (MISN por sus siglas en inglés) y nuestras aliadxs tenemos una larga historia de intervención e interrupción de la conferencia, dando eco a los millones de voces del mundo que dicen “SÍ” a la vida y “NO” a la minería. Comunidades por todas partes ya llevan décadas y milenios imaginando y luchando por un mundo sin el extractivismo y sin los sistemas de violencia y opresión que lo sustentan. Y con la pandemia que ha interrumpida una conferencia presencial este año, estamos aprovechando para continuar con estas imaginaciones de forma artística. ¿Qué pasaría si la mayor convención minera del mundo nunca volviera a suceder? ***RSVP – Reserva aquí para el 12 de sept: https://forms.gle/BM2DnxYvoEwfKQMMA

5. Fridays For Future’s Global Climate Strike – Friday, September 24th, 2021 at noon Confederation Park (Ottawa, Ontario) Fridays for Future (https://linktr.ee/fridaysforfutureottawa) Fridays For Future is planning a climate strike (mass protest) in Ottawa, in concert with other global chapters, to pressure the political and corporate classes to take decisive climate action posthaste, on which the welfare of current and future generations depends. More information to come! The big international fall climate strike where we all demand climate actions which follow the science and uproot the system! ~ La grande grève internationale du climat automnal où nous exigeons des action contre la crise climatique qui suive la science et déracine le système !

[autumnslance]

About Plagiarism

I left a long, planned essay on Twitter tonight. I will copy the meat of it here for y’all, as recently a friend was copied (a rarer ship in the fandom, so very noticeable by the writer and their regular beta reader) and it seems we need a Talk, kids. Links and screenshots and my rambling underway.

------

Apparently we need to discuss what is and isn’t plagiarism. Especially in FanFic where we're interacting with the same characters, settings, ideas. Let’s start with the dictionary and continue the thread from there (I like the word origin/history personally):

Definition of plagiarize

transitive verb  : to steal and pass off (the ideas or words of another) as one's own : use (another's production) without crediting the source

intransitive verb : to commit literary theft : present as new and original an idea or product derived from an existing source

The Kidnapping Roots of Plagiarize

If schools wish to impress upon their students how serious an offense plagiarism is, they might start with an explanation of the word’s history. Plagiarize (and plagiarism) comes from the Latin plagiarius “kidnapper.” This word, derived from the Latin plaga (“a net used by hunters to catch game”), extended its meaning in Latin to include a person who stole the words, rather than the children, of another. When plagiarius first entered English in the form plagiary, it kept its original reference to kidnapping, a sense that is now quite obsolete.

“Ideas” is fuzzy in the Merriam-Webster definition. There are story archetypes that exist in many forms. Joseph Campbell’s Monomyth/Hero's Journey outlines many famous stories. And it's popular to say that “Avatar” is “Dances with Wolves” is “Pocahontas” is “The Last Samurai” etc.

But note how while those films have similar plotlines--”Military Guy falls for Native woman, learns to appreciate her Culture, stands up to Evil Bosses”--none of them execute those ideas in the same way. Sully’s story is different from Dunbar’s not just cuz one’s a Science Fiction epic and the other a Western. Disney's “Pocahontas” Very Loosely takes history and uses the same story beats. The Last Samurai uses the Meiji era Westernization. Same ideas, different executions, even beyond settings.

None of these are plagiarizing each other though the ideas are similar. They’re told in their own ways, own language; both in the genres they belong to (Western, Pseudo-History, SciFi, Animated) and how characters interact with each other and settings. Original dialogues (variable quality).

We also see this in books as similar novel plots get published in waves so we end up with bunches of post-apocalypse teen revolutionaries or various vampires or lots of young wizard stories all at once. Sometimes ideas just happen like this; multiple discovery, simultaneous invention, concurrent inspiration, cognitive emergence are all phrases I’ve seen for it. So it happens in original content as well, and legality gets fuzzy (Also why you don't send authors your fanfic ideas).

In existing properties, this gets trickier but even “Elementary”’s Holmes and Watson are nothing like the BBC’s “Sherlock” characters. Who are nothing like other versions of the Detective and his Doctor pal over the decades in various media properties.

FanFic's in a similar position where like Sherlock Holmes we play with the same characters, setting, and storyarcs but give our own spin to them. People can and will have similar ideas about plots. Trick is to use your own words. Take the characters and make the story your own.

I have a good example courtesy of @raelly-writing​. We both ship Wolcred. We both wrote soft post-Paglth’an scenes with Thancred and our WoLs. Both features the couples helping each other undress, examining injuries, bathing, bantering. My fic was written soon after 5.5 part 1 came out. Dara’s is much more recent. Yet at no point reading hers did I feel she was copying my words. The PoVs differ. Our characters focus on different things. Mine has a mini-arc concerning the Nutkin.

The links for comparison’s sake (and maybe leave kudos/comments if so inclined please and thanks). Note while the scenes are very similar no phrases are written in the same way. Mine: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25417882/chapters/76059467 Dara’s: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26067565/chapters/81832915

Dara and I both hang out in certain Discords and I know conversations about Thancred and WoL caring for each other post-battle has come up in those channels and we've both participated. It’s a stock FanFic scene to boot. Cuz it's soft and feels warm and snuggly.

I HAVE been copied before, back in WoW. My case is pretty clear cut so here are the images of my old RP Haven profile (1st, old RP website) and the plagiarist’s RSP (2nd, an in game mod to share descriptions and basic info). 

This was a decade ago on Shadow Council and I think the character deleted so any Availa’s in WoW now aren’t the same person. I left the names to point out what changed. Just the names and a word or 2 to make sense for the class changes as well. Otherwise lifted directly from my RP profile.

The funny part is how the person got caught. Literally walked into our weekly RP Guild meeting that I was running and asked to join. Folks noticed right away the similar backstory; after all there may have been more Outland-born Azerothians. My initial excitement at a character I could weave into our story turned to gut-twisting rage and grief as I recognized my own exact words though. Words I’d carefully crafted and constantly iterated on to improve over time (before and after this incident, until the site died).

When caught they tried to claim their significant other had leveled the character for them and made up the backstory based on Skyrim. If you know WoW’s Outland story and Skyrim’s plot you know how ridiculous that is. Also tried to lie about other drama I knew about thanks to roommate's characters but hey. I had to be blunt that I’d shared the info with Haven mods and other guild officers Alliance and Horde. That we would not “laugh about this” one day though lucky this was “just” RP not original or academic work. Cuz if it'd been monetized or academic I would've raked them through the coals.

I felt violated. Hurt. Had anxiety attacks. They took MY WORDS and tried to claim them as theirs. Have another character born in Outland trained by Draenei; Awesome! Our characters have an instant connect in similarities and differences of that experience. Don’t steal my characters wholesale!

Then the audacity of trying to come into my guild as if no one would notice. ShC wasn’t a large server by then, still active but not nearly Wyrmrest Accord or Moon Guard big. My character was well known due to my writing and RP. Speaking of how easy it is to get caught in specific spaces...A case of a self-published novelist getting noticed for plagiarizing fanfic was discovered recently (explicit erotica examples through the thread).

One way they got noticed was how much content they put out in only a year, lifted from fandom. The examples in Kokom’s threads show how the material was altered but still recognizable. In some cases, just the names are changed as in my experience. In other passages more has changed but you can still see the bones of the original fic poking through in the descriptions and character interactions, even with adjustments made.

Similar ideas happen. Similar plots exist. Same 'ships with friends are fun! In FanFic we’re working with the same material. It’s possible to write a similar scene differently. To make that scene and characters your own. All we’re asking is not to copy others' words. Others' characters. Others' specific phrases and descriptions used to bring those words, those characters, to life. Use your own. In the end you’ll be happier.

I get wanting to have what the perceived “popular people” have. I get seeing concepts others succeed with and wanting some of that too. We all get a bit jealous now and then for various reasons. Sometimes we don't even realize it, consciously. But do it in your own way. Maybe check to see if you’re getting a bit too close to the “inspiration” you admired, maybe reread often. Don’t hurt your fellow creatives. If you do and get caught don’t try to double down. Have the grace to be abashed at least and work to do better. Eventually you WILL get caught. All it takes is once to throw all else you've done into question. Ao3 doesn’t take kindly to plagiarists. Nor do a lot of fan communities focused on writing and RP. Getting back that trust is hard. The internet doesn’t forget easily, for good or ill.

[lets-steal-an-archive]

'Golden Girls' Polishes Its Scripts: Daily Revisions Geared to Sharpen Story and Hone Those Laugh Lines

TRUE OR FALSE:

Actresses Bea Arthur, Estelle Getty, Rue McClanahan and Betty White write their own dialogue for "The Golden Girls." (FALSE)

Older female writers write all 25 episodes each season because no one else could understand the problems of older females. (FALSE)

In order to keep the shows consistent from week to week, one writer prepares all the episodes. (FALSE)

Ten staff writers work together to prepare a season's worth of scripts. (TRUE)

It's a Monday morning in early October and on a sound stage at the small Renmar Studios in Hollywood, the "golden girls" have gathered to read a new script. This will be episode No. 60 of the series and it will air about three weeks later — on Halloween.

Everyone in the room has heard about this week's story line: Rose writes a letter to Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev. But apart from the writers, no one has seen the final script until now. It was completed on a Saturday, photocopied 150 times on Sunday and distributed this morning to NBC; co-producer Touchstone Pictures; the show's creator, Susan Harris; the show's lawyers and researchers, and the "Golden Girls" cast and crew.

"Hopefully, they'll laugh," murmurs head writer Kathy Speer as she prepares to hear the "table reading." "If they don't, we'll be here fixing the script for a long time."

The table reading really is at tables — eight of them arranged in a rectangle. The actresses and guest actors sit on one side, facing the writers. To the actresses' left are director Terry Hughes, executive producers Paul Junger Witt and Tony Thomas and co-executive producers/head writers Speer and Terry Grossman. To the actresses' right sit NBC representatives, the show's casting director and props and wardrobe personnel.

They begin. Director Hughes reads the stage directions: Interior, kitchen — day. Sophia is seated at table. She is reading book entitled 'Magic Made Easy.' Dorothy enters.

Bea Arthur, as Dorothy, reads: "Hi, Ma."

Estelle Getty, as Sophia, reads: "Give me your watch."

Another week is under way. As the actresses go through their lines, everyone else listens intently. They laugh (or don't laugh) and take notes. By the Friday-night tapings, this script will need to play at 22 minutes. But Friday is a long way off.

As soon as the table reading ends, the writers, producers, director and an NBC program executive huddle to discuss script changes. Then, while the actresses begin rehearsals using the first draft, the writers rush off to their yellow stucco two-story building nearby to begin rewriting.

"The secret of TV half-hour comedy shows is the revisions," explains Dean Valentine, NBC director of current comedy and also the program executive on "Golden Girls." "What they start out with is 75% away from what they end up with."

"I don't think this episode is going to need much work," co-head writer Terry Grossman announces cheerfully on his way back to his office. "It got a good response at the table. We just have to cut it, smooth out transitions and clarify some story points. New jokes will be the tough thing." He anticipates a few hours' work.

"Early in the first season we were throwing out whole scenes," he recalls. "Now we know what works for each lady and what she does best. That's the advantage of being in the third year of the show. The disadvantage is that stories are harder to come by."

Grossman heads into the office he shares with his wife Speer, who is also his writing partner. They are in charge of the writing staff. "That means we are the two who get yelled at the most when something goes wrong," he jokes.

Also piling into the conference-sized room are supervising producers Barry Fanaro and Mort Nathan and producer Winifred Hervey. Despite their titles, Grossman explains, "We're all writers."

"We are the five most dull people," Nathan insists.

"We're much funnier on paper," Hervey adds.

These five, all in their 30s, met when they worked on "Benson," an earlier Witt-Thomas-Harris series. They have been with "Golden Girls" since the beginning, and every Monday they jointly rewrite the script being taped that week. They jokingly call themselves The Gang of Five.

While they start rewriting, the show's other five staff writers — Chris Lloyd, Jeff Ferro, Frederic Weiss, Robert Bruce and Martin Weiss — go back to their own offices to work on new scripts.

"To keep quality, you like as many writers as you can afford," Speer explains. "This year, we have six 'entities' (writing teams) — four sets of partners and two individuals. And we also use a few free-lance scripts each season."

Approximately 25% of the show's budget goes to the writers, executive producer Tony Thomas says. Staff writers on a comedy series earn a weekly salary plus separate payments for completed scripts. A free-lance writer who does a story outline, a first draft and a second draft can earn about $11,000. (Note: All outside script submissions must come through agents.)

"A good comedy requires a lot of teamwork, a lot of people sitting in a room working together," Thomas emphasizes. "A good team is rare, but it's not extremely rare. It's like winning the NBA title. We had it in 'Soap,' and we had it for some years in 'Benson.' Obviously this is one of the most successful staffs we’ve ever put together."

Both Witt and Thomas deal with day-to-day details on "Golden Girls." Harris, who created the series, is less involved this season because, according to Thomas, "She is working on a feature for Disney with us. But she reads all the scripts and is familiar with most of the stories."

Flashback to the previous Friday, a week when "Golden Girls" wasn't taping. Every fourth week during the season, the show shuts down, giving the actors and crew a rest and allowing the writers to catch up.

The Gang of Five is trying to explain how their writing process works. They insist on telling, rather than showing, because, as they say, they're shy. "At the beginning of the season, even having our new writers in the meeting made me a little uncomfortable," Grossman admits. "It slowed down the process."

"One of the most important things that exists with this group is that the bottom line is making the show as good as possible. It's still very difficult when your script is read for the first time and the material doesn't work. It hurts for a moment. But there's no time to take it personally. It didn't work, and the clock is ticking. You better keep moving and get it right."

Like all sitcoms, "Golden Girls" has a "bible," a book that synopsizes everything that has happened on a series. Thus, new writers don't have to watch all the previous episodes. But there is no master plan of what will happen in the future.

The idea for "Letter to Gorbachev" surfaced last May at a beginning-of-the-season meeting of the writers and producers. "It was one of 20 or 30 story notions kicked around," Barry Fanaro recalls. The obvious similarity to Samantha Smith's letter to then-Soviet leader Yuri Andropov isn't mentioned.

"Most of them didn't work,” adds Fanaro's writing partner Mort Nathan, "but this one sounded amusing. Because Rose is a childlike character, we wondered what would happen if she wrote a letter to Gorbachev about world peace. We started fleshing it out, but we couldn't think of a second act. We went round and round, and finally six weeks later we came up with a way to make the story work."

"The five of us went over it scene by scene and agreed it was workable," Fanaro continues. "Then Mort and I went off and wrote it. It took about 10 days because we were also working on other things."

Each "Golden Girls” episode is written to a formula: "the idea, the act break and the resolution," Grossman explains. "Usually there's an 'A' story and a 'B' story going. It's the natural structure."

Although Fanaro and Nathan, who won a writing Emmy last year for a "Golden Girls" episode, wrote the basic Gorbachev script, the story the audience will see has gone through the usual "Golden Girls" grinder: The Gang of Five read and dissect the first draft, adding new scenes, new lines, new jokes. "It's really a team effort," Grossman stresses.

The jokes can be the easiest part — or the hardest. "They're only hard to write when you've got one that isn't working," Grossman says. "A joke in the middle of a scene can be weak, but the 'out joke' — a snappy one-liner that ends the scene on a laugh — has to be strong."

"We may decide a scene needs a new opening," Speer explains. "There will be a long moment of silence. Then someone will ask if anybody's eaten at some new restaurant. In the course of conversation, somebody will say, 'Wait a minute. I have an idea.'"

"With five of us, at least one of us is paying attention," Hervey deadpans.

"Good writers should be able to write for men, women, old or young," Grossman says. "We all draw on other people in our lives — parents, grandparents. Part of the reason for the show's popularity is that these are very vital people. The very same story you've seen 100 times on every sitcom takes on new light with characters in this age group. That makes life easier for us.

"Also, these four actresses are sensational. To have the entire cast be able to give such high-caliber performances means you don't have to adjust your material. You write the material, and they deliver. If they can't make it work, there's something wrong with the material."

The week goes by quickly. On Tuesday morning, the "golden girls" read over the revised script and discover that one scene has changed considerably. Some lines have been cut, while others have been sharpened. There are several new jokes. A press conference scene has been shifted from a hotel room to the ladies' living room.

On Tuesday night, the Gang of Five works late. During the day's rehearsals they realized that the revised scene didn’t play well so they jettisoned it and added some new dialogue and a few more jokes.

Following Wednesday's rehearsals, they hone the script a little more. Time is pressing. By the Thursday afternoon dress rehearsal, the actresses try to be script-perfect, although they often aren't. By now, the original 52-page script has been reduced to 50 pages, and almost every page has had at least one alteration.

For instance, on Monday when Blanche accidentally spat Coca-Cola on a Soviet Embassy official, he responded by saying, "No apology necessary." Now he says, "No need to apologize. In Moscow, we have to stand in line four hours to get this."

Late Friday afternoon, the audience files into Renmar Studios to watch the first taping. The writers are standing by, just in case a last-minute problem occurs. During the 90-minute dinner break, while a new audience is arriving, the cast, writers and producers calmly discuss how to improve the second taping. A few lines are cut, the taping is completed, and it’s on to the next week.

Source: Mills, Nancy. 1987. 'Golden Girls' Polishes Its Scripts: Daily Revisions Geared to Sharpen Story and Hone Those Laugh Lines. Los Angeles Times, October 30, https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1987-10-30-ca-11702-story.html