#coregulate

[workinprogress14]

“honey, please come here. I need to suck on your balls for mental health purposes, please?”

[warmestshrine]

Being autistic is all quirky fun and games until being around others makes me want to scream but being alone makes me want to cry :/

[thatiranianphantom]

It was, of course, George who expressed the sentiment. 

“Of course, Drew, of course, it took you less than three months.”

(She also mutters under her breath about how if she’d held off eight more weeks she’d have won a ton of money.)

But five months would have been impossible. Even three months had felt like forever to Nancy. A short eternity. An eternity filled with sex and snuggling and breakfasts and movie nights and her friends and dads’ gentle ribbing and more happiness than she could ever remember feeling. Still, an eternity. She’s sure some would say they moved far too fast. She was, after all, not even 21, and while they were practically living together and were certainly planning on forever, getting married before she could legally drink did sound like a crazy idea to many. 

But the way they had looked at it, they’d been apart. They didn’t want to be apart anymore, not for a moment longer. And they were soulmates, both planning on forever, so why wait just to wait?

If he hadn’t proposed, she knows she would have. And it was so them, right after a banishment ritual, her hair still windswept, his fingers digging into her sides as he held her back from the spirit that had threatened to carry her away. 

She had turned to face him, and he’d been looking at her with this light in his eyes, a light she had never seen before. 

“Nance,” he had gasped. “Nance, marry me.” 

She surged up and kissed him, and again, they didn’t need any words. They never had. 

I choose this, she had said to Temperance. And she did. And she would, she’d choose him anywhere, anytime, in any lifetime. 

From there, they’d made it five days. 

(Realistically, that was for Bess’ sanity, because the amount of permutations on five days to plan a wedding, are both of you bloody insane that they’d heard in that time period necessitated at least a few days between engagement and wedding.)

It was perfect. It was beautiful. It was just them, at the waterfront, their friends in attendance, her dads walking her down the aisle (Ryan had definitely cried when she’d stressed she wanted him there too). Nick marries them, a smile on his face and a few secret glances at George that none of them miss. 

There is never a question of where the honeymoon will be, but it does take them a few months to save up. 

And then they’re there, living out her dream, and it feels like it is indeed a dream, too good to be true, too blissful to have come out of the last few months. They recreate her parents’ honeymoon photo, Ace’s arm slipped around her waist, his lips pressing into her cheek, Nancy trying valiantly to hold back tears, and she can feel both her mothers with her as much as if they had been physically standing there. 

And so, three months after the banishment of a curse that Nancy Drew had thought damned her entire life, she tips her head back onto her husband’s shoulder, breathing in the scent of Paris around her, and she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that George was right all that time ago, that love was the most human of all things.  (Of course, the story doesn’t end there. The adventures ahead, good, bad and otherwise, come fast for Nancy Drew Hardy, in a future she knows will begin as soon as she sets foot in Horsehoe Bay again, but that’s okay, because it’s a future they get to have, and they get to have it together.)

[spookietrex]

A dysregulated adult cannot regulate a dysregulated child, but a regulated adult can regulate a dysregulated child.

Start by centering yourself.

[emotopunkpipeline]

Say it with me:

Trauma-dumping is inappropriate if you're limiting the positive experience of others, but healthy co-regulation is positive for all involved.

“stop traumadumping to your friends tell this to your therapist” my god they paywalled human connection

[bewitched-by-sorns-tiddies]

the new private chef at work was gushing about like- how positive and patient I am and it was just...

very funny to me. because like- I guess I'm patient? it's tbh less that I have super human patience and more that I know what works. Rushing kids/yelling at them doesn't. Kids respond better to play. I do not sing 'this is the way we go down the stairs, down the stairs, down the stairs- this is the way we go down the stairs on a (day of the week) (time of the day)' while we go down the stairs because I am Mary Poppins and I enjoy hearing my own voice- I do it because the other option is being like 'oi, step, put your foot down- safely- safely- no not like that- safely-' and just getting frustrated because small children are constantly trying to end themselves. Or I guess carrying her up and down all the time but 1) she's almost 30 pounds. 2) that would rob her of the chance to use her muscles, which is good for her. When I sing, she matches my rhythm and she stays focused. So I'mma sing.

[monriatitans]

ADHD ACCEPTANCE MONTH QUOTE 3

The image was made in Canva; check it out at the [referral] link here!

Wednesday, October 2, 2024

"The children who need love the most will always ask for it in the most unloving ways." – Russel Barkley

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Want information & support for families and individuals living with ADHD? If so, check out the ADDitude Magazine! For the curious, the purpose of this series of quotes can be found here! And I got the Rainbow Butterfly image from here! Like what you see and want to know when there's more? Click here to subscribe for updates and/or hit the Follow button! Enjoy what I do? Please consider supporting via the WGS Ko-fi!

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[sunnshineyelllo]

WANT 😮‍💨 NEEEED 😩

[spaceboysbrainspace]

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[specialsaathi]

Enhancing Parent-Child Interactions

Enhancing Parent-Child Interactions: Lessons from Relationship Development Intervention (RDI) – 1 We started RDI in 2003. Twenty years later, RDI’s effects continue to be felt in our lives. In my view, one of the biggest contributions of RDI was to learn how autism disrupts the rarent-child relationship. We learned many techniques to restore the guided participation relationship between parent…

[asexualchad]

i was Verbally Processing™ and my cat decided to claw up my legs because she wants snacky and now she is locked out of my room crying like little baby victim

[rainbowstargazerlilies]

Okay, that’s an interesting paper! I don’t think polyvagal theory’s quite the same thing as “dysregulated nervous system”. (Also, I don’t think that paper on its own disproves polyvagal theory, but I am interested in seeing where the research goes!)

Take this with a grain of salt, please, because I’m still a student, but here’s my take on things.

Nervous system regulation’s like most other forms of body regulation— similar to homeostasis. One example in the body’s how the body returns to normal temperature. You get warm, your body registers it, you start sweating. Nervous system regulation, when it’s working well, is just how people function in every day life. Being able to return to normal after emotional responses.

Dysregulation there’s just when you are having trouble with returning to an emotional/nervous system normal after things go wrong. It’s not a condition in and of itself. It could be a part of a number of mental health conditions, could be exacerbated by stress, and there is a wide spectrum of what that can look like. So, difficulty sleeping or relaxing could be a part of that— your body having a hard time relaxing or remembering how to return to a balanced state. Being on edge.

A big part of therapy can be learning ways to help yourself remember what a balanced nervous system feels like again. Learning coping mechanisms that will help achieve that. You can also take the time to think about what’s worked to help you relax in the past, and find ways to work that into your present life.

Thanks for sharing the article!

[theambitiouswoman]

We don’t heal in isolation — we heal in connection. But connection is not the same as codependency. Healing happens in safe, mutual spaces — not in losing ourselves to keep others

The human brain is wired for connection. The limbic system (our emotional center) is highly responsive to social interaction. Experiences of coregulation — where two nervous systems help calm and stabilize each other — are crucial for emotional healing. This is why supportive relationships, therapy and even safe friendships can literally rewire the brain

Dr. Dan Siegel calls this “interpersonal neurobiology” — showing that our brain development and emotional well being are shaped through relational experiences. We are not meant to heal alone. Compassion, presence and being witnessed in our pain activate the prefrontal cortex, helping us regulate emotions and reduce fear responses in the amygdala

Codependency, on the other hand, is not true connection — it’s enmeshment. It involves abandoning your own needs to maintain a relationship, leading to chronic stress and dysregulation. Rather than soothing the nervous system, codependency can keep us in fight or flight, which increases cortisol and reinforces unhealthy attachments

Codependent dynamics activate the threat system, making it harder to access the parts of the brain responsible for rational thinking, self awareness, and emotional regulation

You don’t have to choose between isolation or self abandonment. Healthy connection is where healing lives

[vro0ms-evil-twin]

Btw shocking realizations yesterday at volunteer work as I was hugging tightly a toddler until they jumped back up and went back to playing for the 53rd time that afternoon :

I, too, should have the opportunity to be held until I'm regulated enough to get back to my tasks

Why do adults hug so little

More people would not be in shitty relationships if they could get hugs elsewhere

Coregulation is so powerful and there's net zero reasons why we should keep pretending it's only a parent-child thing

[autisticfaun420]

My life with level 2 (part 1)

I'm making this post to share some things about my life and give an idea about what my support needs are

1. Every morning I wake up sealed in my cubby bed, an enclosed bed that keep me trapped inside so I dont wander and hurt myself or roll out and have a meltdown (common things that happen with me and regular beds). It's also soft so I don't potentially bang my head against something hard. you're probably wondering well how do I go to the bathroom at night. That brings me to my next point.

2. Every morning after opening up my cubby bed either my mom, dad, caregiver, or occasional close friend takes me to my changing station in my room and begins to change my diaper. Thats right I was NEVER able to potty train and due to EXTREME sensory issues I am unable to change myself. This means I need constant super vision as I always need someone to change me, also calm me down if meltdown, etc. I simply have no way to tell I need to go, 1 or 2, till its much too late. So yeah diapers are an all day thing not just at night.

3. I'm older then 20 and my parents are l now my legal guardians for life, and if they can't do it I have friends that will step up. I'm not sure exactly what this means legally but I take it to mean Im basically still a kid to them on like, every level. They respect my intelligence but they still set the rules. One that always kind of gets people mad but then they understand is the fact that I have child safety internet settings on my tablet and phone, I can't access most social media websites and I'm not alliowed YouTube only YouTube Kids. This is because my parents and close friends agree that these teenage boys from a nearby town were trying to make me an "lol cow", basicallly a target for online harassment and bullying and trolling me because I was special needs and active on social media. Tumblr with my parents having the username and password and log ins and they check it every day is all I get. My friends and parents show me things from TikTok and Youtube that they think i'll like so I don't miss out. Oh yeah and I would binge watch horror and terror content on youtube, something that a lot of autistic people do apparently, however I mentally can't handle it. I wake up and freak out and hit myself all night and lose sleep for a week and end up in a mental hospital cause I'm hurting myself and not sleeping. Not fun... at all. I had unrestricted internet access as a teenager and I'm glad that part of my life is over. My parents do however let me eat cannabis edibles every day so its not like they're over protective, just protective in the way I need.

4. My parents are my emotional coregulators and I rely on them heavily, a lot of the time just to know how I'm feeling. I break down emotionally frequently and if my parents or a select few of my friends aren't there to cuddle me and rub my back the right way, I FREAK out and start hitting myself cause my brain is a bit nutty I guess. I'm needy with those I love to a rediculous degree. I'm a lot better, still not great, at self soothing. Self soothing is an oxymoron for me. I kinda need to be with somebody to be told to calm down, encouraged to come out my shell, praised when I do something good, and just having a hand to hold. My mom is rubbing my back encouraging me to write this out like I said I wanted to do.

5. I need to stim, constantly. I'm always rocking, fidget toy and plushie in hand chewing on my chewing laynyard, you get the idea. I also need audio and visual stims which I get in the form of watching bright colorful little kid shows on my tablet like Blues Clues and Daniel Tiger. I think this is why people don't think I'm smart but its just who I am and what my needs are.

I think this is a good starting point, I'll make a part 2 later.

[genderhexed]

Next time you're being mean to yourself about being "attention seeking" why don't you go ahead and remember that attention is connection and connection and been seen/understood is one of the most effective ways humans coregulate and find safety with each other, okay? You're not an attention whore, you're a human connection seeker and you deserve that connection and support, got it got it?