#crawling out of finals hell to remember tumblr exists </3

[deartouya]

watching epic and i do believe the queen and her like royal fairy guard are the ideal dynamic.

[moondal514]

Just Leave a Comment Fest 2023 Holiday Edition

Final overall comment total for @justleaveacommentfest: 76

Here’s a very multi-fandom fic rec list of a few of the fics I read (reread in some cases), loved, and commented on that were on theme for each day of the fest:

Day 1: first fandom

(BBC Merlin is not technically the 1st fandom I was ever a part of, or even the 1st fandom I ever read fic for, but I do consider it my 1st real fandom because it’s the 1st fandom I interacted with as intensely as I interact with my fandoms now and it’s also the 1st fandom I ever wrote and posted fic for)

Fandom: BBC Merlin

Prick Love for Pricking by horsecrazy/ @cbk1000

In which Arthur and Merlin hook up at a sex party.

I haven’t felt the urge to read Merlin fic in years, but then I stumbled across this fic, which is honestly one of the funniest things I’ve read in a hot minute, and now my love for Merthur has reawakened within me with vengeance

And Down the River's Dim Expanse by horsecrazy

In which Arthur is a water spirit who tries to drown Merlin. Merlin is not impressed.

Literally obsessed with this fic from the second I read the 1st paragraph

Day 2: bookmark day

Fandom: All For the Game

never said that i didn't need you by incogneat_oh/ @incogneat-oh

"Aaron, are you ready to go? The emergency room queue isn’t getting any shorter.”

Aaron feels a thrill of nervousness pull unpleasantly in his belly. He doesn’t want to spend the night in a brightly-lit, overcrowded emergency room and have strangers prodding at him. He glances back at Andrew, who looks as disinterested as ever. He’s slouched over, hands in his lap and unmoving, face expressionless. He’s facing forward, but his eyes are on Aaron.

And Aaron’s halfway out the door when he swivels. Blurts, “You’ll come with me?"

--

Aaron and Andrew spend an evening hanging out in the emergency department.

One of my personal fave twinyard-centric fics

Fandom: The Historian

among some talk of you and me by Hokuto

Reader, I pray that you will have the strength to walk with me a little longer.

I remember when I 1st found this fic I was so shocked cuz I had no idea anyone had even written fic for this book, but this is literally a perfect little epilogue because it has everything I loved from the book (scholarly nerdiness, libraries, and Dracula)

Day 3: old favorites

Fandom: BBC Sherlock

The World on His Wrist by bendingsignpost/ @bendingsignpost

First, he is shot in Afghanistan. Second, he wakes to a phone call in Chelmsford, Essex. Third is pain, fourth is normalcy, fifth is agony and sixth is confusion. By the eighth, he's lost track. (John-centric AU)

An exceedingly old favorite of mine, like literally one of the 1st fics I ever read on ao3, but I just learned today that I had apparently never commented on it previously, which made it perfectly on theme for this day of the fest

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

When the Stars Threw Down Their Spears by umisabaku/ @umisabaku

"It’s hard to understand the hierarchy when a school like Nekoma exists, putting them all together like they belong, but by the time Kenma enters high school he understands the difference. Kuroo is a black panther, rare and precious; a large predator stronger than most any other foe.

Kenma is a calico housecat. His coloring is uncommon, but he is not special."

Shapeshifter!AU. Kenma struggles with a culture and the rules of courtship.

When I was in high school and at the peak of my sports anime phase, this was one of my fave fics, and so I loved revisiting it all these years later

Day 4: fandom curiosities

Fandom: Mysterious Lotus Casebook

Three Autumns by rageprufrock/ @rageprufrock

If Li Lianhua had known this mess would be waiting for him, he wouldn't have bothered to crawl out of his own grave.

The most I know of this show is what I’ve seen through a few gifs on my tumblr dashboard, but this fic made me fall so hard for the characters it’s not even funny

Fandom: Interview With the Vampire

hell and you by quensty/ @keithal

With respect to Daniel’s life, pain in the ass is spelled A-R-M-A-N-D.

I have read one (1) book and watched one (1) episode of the show, so I barely have any idea who these characters are, but holy shit this dynamic compels me

Day 5: rec a fic

Fandom: Mo Dao Zu Shi

a made thing by animediac/ @jaywalkers

Because at the end of it all, Wei Wuxian walks away with his happy ending and the rest of them are left with nothing.

(or, what comes after everything has gone)

Fantastic post-canon fic by one of the few writers that can make Chengsang convincing to me

Fandom: Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

Life is (not) a Hallmark Movie by mellicindi/ @mellicindi

Shen Yuan isn't lonely. He's just overseas in a new city, trying to muddle his way through a business degree, and dealing with the side effects of his stupid intestines trying to kill him. So, maybe he sometimes watches ASMR to cope with his too-quiet apartment. Maybe he has a little bit of a parasocial-relationship-thing going on with one particular cooking ASMR channel. It's 2016, who doesn't? The point is, he's content with his quiet life.

And then Shang Qinghua strong-arms him into watching one Hallmark Christmas movie, and it all goes to hell.

Or: Shen Yuan is a Hallmark movie protagonist, Luo Binghe is a Lifetime movie protagonist, and somehow they make it work.

I sadly missed the read-along this year, but this fic has been on my tbr since pretty much as soon as I started reading fic for this fandom, so I got to finally read it and it’s really fantastic

-

As always, I’ll continue to comment on fics and show all you writers appreciation for your craft <3

[splendidlyimperfect]

Written for Gratsu Bingo (prompt: love), and chapter two of @mautrino’s request!

-----

Natsu eats some unfamiliar flames and ends up out of control. Gray's the only one who can save him.

Chapter Summary: Natsu’s afraid of himself, but Gray loves him anyway. 

Chapters (2/3): 1 | 2 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster Characters: Gray Fullbuster, Natsu Dragneel, Erza Scarlet, Lucy Heartfilia, Wendy Marvell Tags: 100 Year Quests (Fairy Tail), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mild Smut, Rough Sex, Natsu Eats Things He Shouldn't, Gray would die for his boyfriend, Tumblr: FTLGBTales

-----

As soon as their lips touched, Natsu detonated.

Fire coursed along every inch of his skin, burning so bright that it pierced through Gray’s closed eyelids. It filled the space between them; a tension building above their heads that stretched and crackled until it burst out in a spiral of flame. The blaze exploded through the ruins of the city – brilliant tornadoes of orange light that licked at the remains of charred buildings and glinted off shattered glass.

Gray braced himself for the pain, but none came – instead he felt nothing but a tingling warmth that surrounded them both.  

As quickly as the flames had appeared, they dissolved, leaving nothing but tiny cinders that drifted around them like fiery snowflakes. Natsu kissed Gray like it was the only thing keeping him alive, like if they stopped breathing against each other, Natsu would stop existing and dissolve into sparks.

“I’m here,” Gray murmured, tightening his fingers in Natsu’s hair and moving his other hand to wrap around Natsu’s waist. “I’ve got you.”

Natsu’s breath stuttered and he pulled back from Gray, staring down at his hands. The dark flames had receded, leaving nothing but reddish marks like healed burns.

Natsu looked up at Gray with unfocused eyes, then slumped forward, head hitting Gray’s shoulder as they both sunk to their knees.

Continue reading on AO3

Gray gasped as the pain returned full force, blistering across his skin until he was dizzy and choking on smoke and ash. He clutched Natsu tightly, fingers digging into Natsu’s shoulders as he let out a pained cry from between gritted teeth.

Natsu was heavy against him, and panic joined the pain as Gray brought trembling fingers to Natsu’s neck. A pulse fluttered there, weak and erratic.

Gray closed his eyes, exhaling sharply as the devil slayer marks on his skin surfaced, spreading and winding until they covered half his body. Everywhere they touched felt cool – a gentle relief from the searing pain.

“We’re okay,” he whispered, tugging at the magic, trying to spread it further across his blistered skin. His arms shook with the effort of holding up Natsu, but Gray refused to let go. “It’s gonna be okay,” he said again, pressing a kiss to Natsu’s hair.  

When Gray finally collapsed, there was nothing left of the city but ash.

-----

Gray woke up in and unfamiliar room with Natsu curled around him. He blinked a few times, trying to clear his blurry vision as he looked around. Two beds, a washbasin, a window spilling in bright sunlight, luggage stacked along the wall. Gray felt unreal; a hazy film filling his head where memories should be.

Gray looked back down at the messy head of pink hair that rested on his chest.

“Hey,” Gray said, nudging Natsu and wincing as his voice scraped along the inside of his throat. Natsu’s eyes flew open and the confused, sleepy expression on his face was quickly replaced with one of relief.

“Gray,” Natsu breathed, sitting up and reaching out to touch Gray’s cheek. Natsu’s face was a blotchy mess, tangled hair falling into red-rimmed eyes. “You’re okay.”

Gray tipped his head into Natsu’s palm, sighing at the gentle touch. Natsu brushed his fingers through Gray’s hair, then leaned in and kissed his forehead.

“What happened?” Gray asked, pushing himself up on one elbow. A searing pain rushed up the left side of Gray’s body and he hissed in pain, clenching his teeth.

“Careful,” Natsu said gently, putting his hand on Gray’s back and helping him sit up. As Natsu stacked several pillows behind him, Gray’s gaze dropped to the bandages that covered the left half of his body. A singed patch of skin peeked out from the edge of one of the wrappings – red and pink blisters against Gray’s dark skin.

Smoke and flames filled Gray’s mind and he squeezed his eyes shut, bringing his hand up to his head. “What…” Gray’s throat burned, and he started to cough, doubling over and crying out in pain as the motion pulled at his bandages.

A cup of water appeared in his hand and Gray took it, gulping it down gratefully. Then he sighed and tipped his head back against the headboard. Natsu’s hand withdrew from where it had been combing through Gray’s hair.

“I’m sorry,” Natsu whispered, looking down at his hands. Gray followed his gaze – Natsu’s skin was unblemished, no sign of the destruction that had exploded from him.

“You… the fire.” Gray said slowly. “You ate those weird flames, and…”

“And I hurt you,” Natsu said, voice thick with shame. “That… it’s my fault.” He gestured to the bandages on Gray’s arm, then rubbed at his face. “Fuck, I’m so sorry.”

“Are you okay?” Gray asked, reaching out and taking Natsu’s hand. Natsu tried to pull away from him, but Gray didn’t let go.

“You’re the one that’s hurt,” Natsu whispered.

“I’m fine,” Gray insisted.

“You’re not fine!” Natsu’s cheeks were pink, eyes wet with tears, and he tried to pull away from Gray again.

Gray shook his head and grabbed both Natsu’s wrists, ignoring the pain and pulling Natsu close again. “Don’t push me away,” Gray murmured, pressing their foreheads together. “Yeah, it hurts like hell, but I’m okay because you’re okay.”

“I hate seeing you hurt,” Natsu whispered. “I don’t… I can’t remember.” He looked up again, pulling one wrist out of Gray’s grasp and running his fingers lightly up Gray’s bandaged arm. “I did this.”

“I let you,” Gray said. Natsu’s brow furrowed in confusion, and Gray sighed. “You think I couldn’t have kicked your ass if I wanted to?” He squeezed Natsu’s hand and the black marks began to crawl up his arm, soothing the ache of the burns as they twisted around his bicep and up to his cheek.

“Then… why didn’t you?” Natsu asked, voice breaking. “You could have…”

“What would that have done?” Gray asked, tugging on Natsu’s hand until Natsu curled back up against his uninjured side, head resting under Gray’s chin. “I knew I could bring you back.”  

A silence descended over them and Gray breathed deeply, pressing his face into Natsu’s hair. He still smelled like ash, like smoke and flame, but underneath it was something warm and familiar that felt like home.

“I’m dangerous,” Natsu said eventually. His voice was soft and small as he traced the black marks on Gray’s chest with his fingertips.

“We both are,” Gray said softly, placing one of his hands over Natsu’s heart. “I know that scares you, but you’re not alone.”

Natsu covered Gray’s hand with his own, swallowing hard as he moved his gaze over to the door. “They’re scared of me, now,” he said, and it was both a statement and a question.

“Maybe,” Gray admitted, holding Natsu tightly against him. “But I’m not.” He kissed Natsu’s head. “And I never will be.”

[lwoorl]

The Day Laika Came Back

Link to ao3

Note: This is an experiment to see if posting my fanfictions in both tumblr and ao3 is worth it. If this publication gets to at least 50 notes (not counting self-reblogs) in the following 3 weeks I will start posting my future fics in tumblr, otherwise I will stick to only publishing in ao3.

Summary:  Jon Kent comes back from space, years older and unable to believe he made it home. But coming back to the life he left won’t go as smoothly as he wished it did.

Jon can’t help it, he has to stare. Everything is so new and nostalgic at the same time, like a dream he’s had every single night for years and years and only now can clearly remember. It doesn’t feel real, the trees, the sky, as if someone took the string of memories he barely could hold, those precious, faded images he was starting to doubt if ever even happened and knitted a world out of it, colorful and lovely and solid. The final sentences from a poem he could barely recall, suddenly coming together into something he can hold.

It’s too good to be true and it makes the back of his neck ache, hurt and burn with that sense of dread crawling all over his shoulders, like subconsciously he knows any moment now the universe will pull him by the hair and throw him back into the darkness of space like a rag doll, like it all will dissolve if he so much as reaches to pick up a flower and he will be forced to admit what he’s been fearing for a long time now, that this never existed and the infinite void and the rocky prison is his only real place, that he appeared there and will roam there and will die there and all there is is there and there and there and nothing else than there and all those memories he holds so dear are just a bad joke, a carrot dangling in front of a horse to keep it walking; A plastic carrot.

But right now, he isn’t there. He’s here. And it’s real and true and alive and he can’t help but to look at everything with very round wide eyes like a baby who was just born. Drinking all around him like a man who’s been in the desert a decade and a half and will die if he doesn’t drink all the water in the world.

It happens all too quickly, the arrival, the fighting, confusion, questions, answers, kind words, harsh words, words, words, words all around, all in English, not kryptonian or other alien language but his mom’s tongue. He keeps it together through all that and puts a brave face on, and then when no one but his parents are watching and it’s all over he cries on his dad’s shoulder and his mom’s arms are around him and Jon shakes and chokes and laughs.

Time passes, seconds, hours, it’s not even been four days when a lot of people congregate around him. They ask more questions and he gives more answers and they demand proves and tests and argue and discuss and through all that he can’t help but to pass his eyes over their faces and almost gasp when he sees anything vaguely familiar. Dad’s friends, dad’s coworkers, that one’s wonder woman, that one’s a green lantern, that one’s this, this one’s that, that, those, these, and then his eyes rest on someone he thought he would never see again and if he thought his eyes couldn’t widen more, well, he was wrong.

He’s shorter than Jon remembers and he also got a bit wrong the length of the hair, but the costume, that’sexactly as he pictured it in his mind all these years, from the boots to the cape to the utility belt, he got it all right.

Damian has his eyes very open just like Jon, he can notice it even with the mask, and suddenly he really wishes he could take it off, to see his eyes. He can’t remember if they were green or blue.

He’s stuck there, being hit once again with the amazing, ecstatic thisisrealimherenotthere feeling, just going over his friend’s features, burning the image in his mind, and then Damian bites his lips and looks away like someone slapped him and it comes crashing down.

…Ah.

His dad will always be his dad, and his mom his mom, but he never… Well, he did, but not really, not seriously, he never… Actually thought how it would be for everything else.

Because, well, it makes sense, he's… He isn’t the same as when he left, he took too long coming back and now. And- And probably if he had taken one or two, maybe even three years that wouldn’t be much of a difference, maybe, but he's… He probably doesn’t look at all like his younger self.

And… It hasn’t been that long here. And now he thinks about what it must be like, what it would be like for him as a kid, and he realizes a lot of people probably won’t see him as himself. Won't… It will be more like this eleven years old just dissipated in thin air and a randomadult that just so happens to share his name appeared in his place and those two only have the most tiniest of connections and that one time when he met that older version of Damian and himself he didn’t actually think of them as them , did he? Not as…

He keeps looking at the ground for the rest of the Justice League meeting, and when everyone starts to leave he doesn’t notice Damian walking towards him until he speaks.

“Jon.”

He feels like jumping out of his own skin. He looks up, and then down, because Damian is short and a kid. And Jon isn’t, not anymore, and then Damian starts to open his mouth to say something but Jon doesn’t want to hear it, he doesn’t, because if there’s another thing he remembers of his best friend is that he’s mean, good intentioned and warm, a really good person once you know him, but also oh so damn harsh, and he usually could deal with that and see the real meaning lurking under his words but right now he’s tired, beaten and in the middle of a life crisis and can’t, doesn’t want to and won’t deal with it. So he bails. He just walks out and leaves him there, half a word out of his lips, he then goes back to his dad’s side and absconds from the encounter.

Some time passes, he settles, and doesn’t get in contact with anyone. Because it would hurt, right? He already proved he can’t face Damian; Kathy would either cry or smile and act like it’s fine, but he doubts she will see him as her friend and not a shadow of someone she knew; And he can’t actually tell any of his school friends… He’s ashamed to admit, he doesn’t really remember half of them.

So he stays in Metropolis and thinks what to do. He can’t just retake school where he left it, he will most likely have to work on getting a GED. He can’t hang out with people he knew, not now that he’s so different. He doesn’t think he will leave to do anything in space as long as he lives. And he doesn’t feel like looking for a job. So he stays with his parents dear Rao he missed them and throws himself into fighting crime, perfectly and completely, until it’s almost like he doesn’t have a civilian identity anymore. It makes for a good distraction, but there’s the risk of running into people he knows.

He thinks Damian is doing it on porpoise, working near Metropolis, sometimes in Metropolis, be it alone or with his Teen Titans team. He runs into him a couple of times, Damian’s heart beats real fast when it happens, and then he always tries to force him into talking when the fight is over, but Jon just keeps looking to the ground and running away. It must make him look like a jerk, hell, he feels like a jerk, but he can’t face it, the ‘you aren’t my Jonathan Kent’ he just knows is coming.

He’s walking through the city, pulling at his civilian shirt as he runs an errand for his mom. It feels like a costume, he wonders if normal clothes ever felt this fake as a kid, he can’t remember.

Suddenly, there’s a heartbeat in the crowd, a fast one he recognizes, moving right at him.

He tries to escape like the coward he is, but he can’t show his powers in public, and he doesn’t want to just walk over someone. Jon tries finding a place hidden from sight so he can take flight and disappear like always, but just as he’s entering an alley there’s a little hand firmly around his wrist and judging by how much force he’s applying there’s no real way he can get rid of Damian without tearing one of his fingers off.

It must look funny, the image of this young adult all but cornered by a tiny runt, looking like he’s going to pass out as he avoids looking at his face. It doesn’t feel funny, but, Jon thinks, it probably looks funny for someone else.

“Why are you ignoring me?!” Damian yells, his fingers hard enough against Jon’s skin that his nails turn white. “No, not only ignoring! Why are you avoiding me?!”

The accusation makes Jon flinch because, well, because it’s completely true. He forces himself to look at Damian’s face. His eyes are teal, so he was half right.

“Why do you think?” Is all he can say. Because really, it should be obvious, right? He isn’t the same person, barely remembers who he used to be. If he met a younger version of himself today, Jon’s afraid he couldn’t prove him they’re the same person.

The moment they talk for more than ten seconds Damian will realize he isn’t who he remembers and will lose all interest in him, maybe will even blame him for his loss, like he personally murdered the kid to occupy his place. No one shows it, but they’re just thinking of him as a bad copy, aren’t they?

“Tt.” Damian’s jaw tenses and his heartbeat skips a beat. “Of course.” He frowns really hard and then lets Jon’s wrist go. He doesn’t waste much time into flying away.

He doesn’t see him for a while. Damian stops invading his city and he doesn’t even hear of Robin for two or three months. Jon tries not to feel sad about it, but truth is the attention felt nice.

Around four months later there’s an alien invasion. The whole league joins to fight it and Jon helps too.

He’s fighting in the front lines, punching alien after alien after alien, when he hears a familiar scream and turns his head right on time to see Robin get hit and fall to the ground. The one who attacked has their weapon pointed at him.

Jon is there in less than a second, his eyes red as he stands between Damian and the other guy. Jon isn’t sure why, maybe it’s because he just recovered all this life and is still half expecting to lose it, maybe it’s because he hasn’t had someone he cares about actually being in danger in forever, or maybe realizing he’s the older one now is getting to him more than he first thought, but there’s just this surge of protectiveness running through his veins that builds up and comes out in a “Don’t touch him!” That resembles more an animalistic growl than human speech.

It’s over quickly, a leap and a well aimed hit is all it takes. He’s next to Damian before he even realizes. He offers to help him stand up but Damian slaps his hand away.

“I don’t need your help, don’t treat me like a kid.”

“Stop being so fucking stubborn, you could have died!” Damian’s heart jumps at that, for a moment Jon doesn’t know why, and then realized it’s because he isn’t used to hearing him swear.

The feelings of the last couple months come back but he pushes that aside, the middle of a war zone is not the time to worry about his interpersonal drama.

Damian tries to get up and then trips, Jon’s there to catch him and then looks what’s the problem with his X-RAY vision. He’s got a broken leg, a bruised rib and some injuries on the left arm. He probably won’t be able to walk unassisted right away.

“Here, let me…” He moves to pick him up and Robin, surprisingly, doesn’t put up any resistance. Jon doesn’t even need to use more than one arm to fit him, Damian’s so damn tiny.

“Put me down.”

“No.”

He looks around. The battle’s almost over, but there’s still people fighting and shots firing up nearby. Jon trusts the others to hold up without him for a while and starts flying towards safety.

“Just let me down, I can wait until Father comes for me.”

“Yeah, no. I’m not taking any risks.”

“You shouldn’t be wasting time with this, you and Superman are our biggest hitters.”

“You’re important too.”

“…Why?”

The word comes soft and broken, and it makes Jon pause mid air. He looks down, at the boy in his arms. Damian isn’t looking at him as he holds a handful of his red cape.

“Because you’re my best friend.” The words come easier than he would have thought, like they were just waiting to leave his mouth. Damian lets go of the fabric and then looks at him, his face a mirror of the expression he had when Jon just came back.

“But I thought…” He trails off. Jon resumes moving and after a while Damian speaks again, barely a whisper “Then why have you been avoiding me? I… Thought you didn’t want to see me.”

“I guess that’s a normal conclusion to get to.” He mutters, because, well, it is. Why is he so damn clumsy with people? Sometimes it’s as if his mere existence was hurting those around him. “But, no, that’s not why.”

“Then why?!”

This is the point on the conversation that Jon would chicken out and disappear, but he can’t do that while carrying the person he’s talking to. So he takes a deep breath and conjures all the guts he can get. “I didn’t think you would like the person I’m now.”

A beat of silence, a pang of anxiety, and then “You’re really an idiot if you thought that.”

Jon laughs, there’s no other answer he can give to that, he laughs and ever so slightly holds Damian a bit closer. They stay in silence the rest of the trip, and soon he’s leaving his friend at the safe edge of the battle field.

He starts turning around, ready to go back, when he feels those little fingers around his arm.

“Jon.” Damian’s voice is calm and steady, but his heart is going fast and filled with adrenaline. “You haven’t changed at all.”

It’s the first time Jon’s heard that. It’s been months since he made it home, and it’s the first time he hears that sentence. Those words go to stab him right on the chest, and he has to look away and bring a hand to his face to clean the tears that are peeking from his eyes.

“Yeah.” He nods, not sure what he’s agreeing to. Damian smiles and his fingers release him. “After this… Can we hang out?”

“Do you really need to ask?!” Damian huffs, and then, softer. “We have a lot of catch up to do.”

“You have no idea.” He laughs again, Jon thinks this is the most he’s laughed ever since that reunion with his parents.

As he leaves to re-enter the battle, he hears behind him a “Come to the manor later, we can play video games and you can see Titus and Alfred again!” He stops just long enough to wave, and then flies into the war zone.

Jon thinks, for the first time in a long while… That things are going to work out just fine.

[alicezan-ncgred]

Bleeding Red

Preface: I’ve been bitching around the bush of this long enough. So, I’ve been really silent on a bunch of stuff that’s been eating me alive which has made me both inactive and unproductive. I’m going to get straight to the point, starting off with the TL:DR from my post on my main blog. Context: An anon asked me if I was alright because I hadn’t updated in a while.

TL:DR You probably didn’t ask this to hear about all the bad shit of my life so here’s the short of it. No, I’m not doing fine. I will try get next weeks post out on time and I’ll work on making up on the lost posts. Updates will return regularly, ‘ite.

Time for the thick and thin of it.

Insecurity and being shafted: I’m stoic, even at my worst I won’t say anything. I’ll push through regardless of my current condition and since I’ve gone years like this, it’s not hard for me to do. In my real life situation, I’m currently in a place of social isolation. This has lead to a somewhat near reliance on Tumblr to be my social outlet. This present many issues.

The main one is that I’m quite the isolationist. This has only been reinforced by many interactions throughout the entirely of my life. Because of this, I can’t say I’ve ever had anything really more than two friends at a time. While in a way this has helped me express myself so well through writing, it’s come at the cost of social skill. I don’t talk to anyone.

With this kind of issue you could easily imagine that the THREE PEOPLE (four now, but very limited) to ever directly talk ended up in a way shafting me. The first blocked and disconnected with me without warning or reason. At this point we’ve been talking to each for about a month and we hit it off very well and then one day, silence. Never heard from them again. That fucked me up hard when I finally realized what happened.

The second person left during the Tumblr P**n Purge. We were talking about how to contact each other on other platforms and then they stopped responding. I had already given contact to other platforms of which they pinged me in any way. Another person that I trusted massively on here just abandoned me and I’m still hurting from that. Wasn’t fair at all.

Then the third person was someone that I been following for a while. This person is actually the reason that I’ve been putting this off for so long. I don’t want them to see this post but they will. I got an ask from them that ultimately turned out to be misinformation. I said I wasn’t mad but I was. I was so fucking angry about it and I’m still kinda mad, but I didn’t want problems. I still don’t. I just didn’t want them to worry about it. This will come back later.

I try my best to be as inoffensive as possible. The problem with that is that much of the things I believe or enjoy are highly divisive. Hell, even my own identity can be seen as offence. I’m bisexual, non-binary (I’m currently still questioning this. I might actually be gender fluid but in the overall scheme, that’s worse than being non-binary), and nonreligious. I’m in a very religious area so you I’m still “in the closet” about much of this IRL. I though it would better online but with how much people are saying bisexuality doesn’t exist, or that non-binary isn’t a valid gender (or that being gender fluid make you insane and you should be locked up) and all the hate people who say they are this are getting, the very community that’s supposed to accept me, HATES me. I had a bi pride flag icon last year during Pride Month. I never doing that ever again. It was terrible.

I’m trying my best to come out of my shell like I said I would when I made this blog but it seems I’m just crawling further into it. People I think I can trust keep setting me up to fall, people I know in real life won’t ever accept my existence if they knew who I really was, and my own mental health problem and self loathing are eating me alive. But that isn’t the total of it.

Crumbling Pillar: I’ve always ended up in the position where things were thrown onto me. In which no one wanted to do, I was stuck with. Because of this not only do I have a severe distaste being around my family (beyond everything mentioned before hand) but I grew to have a negative out look on everything. This effect is still quite obvious in my writings, especially my poems. Out of the 14 poems on my poem blog @washed-soul​, only one has a happy meaning.

The one happy poem was called dreams. Under a metaphor it talks about how a demon kept me trapped in a dark space. I start to get better and nearly break free before I have a negative relapse back to my old ways. The poems ends with the demon putting a end to itself leaving the nightmare in which it was keeping me in to slowly fade away, letting one crack of light peeking through to become a window to a door until one day I walk free. When writing this poem, I never thought I would find myself rebuilding the nightmare but that’s where I am.

I’m done with holding things together that other people have placed onto me. Because of this, issues have began showing in my private life. Issues that should’ve been solved decades ago are only now being addressed. This change in the status quo of my life has caused many issues in my productive and mood. Between everything else I’m too tired to do anything.

Is that a reason, is that an excuse. No it isn’t but it’s the best thing I got as a reason. I’m doing my damnedest to do the best I can but of course, when it comes to the thing that matter I just fall short. Big fucking whopha my intelligence and capability does me if I can’t use it for anything that means a damn.

Meaningless Triviality: I’m a very emotional person. I’m very strongly bound to my emotions and if everything above hasn’t given it away, my emotions are very negative prone. But it just doesn’t stop there, it goes back into my memories. I can only honestly place 3 happy memories for certain that aren’t either A) a dream or B) me escaping reality through my mind. Besides that, almost all my memories are negative. 

People like to throw around the word Nihilist to describe themselves because today's culture is very, god while I hate to use this word, edgy. For those who don’t know a Nihilist is someone who views the world as being completely  meaningless and reject all religious and moral principles. I very truly struggle with this outlook of life. It’s a daily for me to berate myself saying “just kill yourself” or “I want to die” or just shutting down and crumpling up while say “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” over and over again. Hell, I did that while writing this. 

I take things very hard, even the slightest transgression. I’m so used to trying to make things perfect and because people have the image that I’m the smart one, the mature one, the capable one, I’m left with the over hanging expectation of excellence. Almost no room for margin of error or being human. Since I’m the silent type, I put up no challenge and work to meet it. Only time I get any praise for anything too. 

I guess as a little self promotion to my main blog, for those that have read the very first few updates of my main blog @the-truth-behind-redacted, or read Defiance’s character sheet, while The Machine and Defiance are separate character, they both share the name Machine. That in part is a reflect of said above expectation. How ravenous and inhuman it can be all under the guise of something human. Those characters are the two sides to the same coin. 

Remember how I said I try to be un-problematical and how I try to avoid any potential conflict. In the first segment I told on how I lied about my feelings just so another person didn’t have to worry over something that honestly, in hindsight, wasn’t even really a big deal. But I also said how it consumed me in anger. I just don’t want to bother anyone over anything. It’s part of the reason why I am writing this post, as some way of a self enforced rehab program to get better. 

This absolute consumption of negative emotion has pushed me into a non human state before. I hit a point of absolute mental exhaustion and in such a self enforced bubble of actual hatred I became completely apathetic. I felt numb to everything. I watched and heard of terrible things happening to people, and felt nothing. I watched people lives crumble before them leaving them nowhere to go and LAUGHED. “Just another worthless pathetic worm on this rotting carcass of a planet being hit with the hard reality that life doesn’t care for them. What whimsical pathetic bullshit they deluded themselves with to think otherwise.” This isn’t an exaggeration on how I thought, this is what I actually thought. Which brings me too.

The Mandatory Sob Story: Roll your eyes everyone and get the tiny violin. I guess in order for everyone to exactly understand the place I’m coming from when it comes to mental health I’ll have to detail my experiences. I have a long standing history with mental illness. I have professionally diagnosed OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, and visual and auditory hallucinations. I take 600 mg of Seroquel a day as well as Amitriptyline when needed. I’m also still currently in therapy to deal with said OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, the visual and auditory hallucinations, as well as Suicidal thoughts, and my Nihilism. There’s a reason to why I’m so god damn familiar with mental illness and treatment plans.  

OCD and Bipolarism run in my family on my fathers side. My Father’s Father had them, my Sister has them, my brother most likely has them (however he refuses to see a doctor because he uses said possible mental illnesses as a get out of jail free card. He doesn’t want to be treated and he has FUCKING ADMITTED IT), my father has them, and I have them. I, however, have the misfortune of having it real bad. I said yes to well over half of all the total symptoms when I was being tested (I don’t remember exact numbers but I remember there being three pages worth of common symptoms) which was very worrying to the doctor. I was currently in an inpatient hospitalization program at the time for both suicidal thoughts and actions, and severe depression. 

On that, my graze in with suicide. Before I went into my first inpatient program I was contemplating suicide. I was sat in front of a mirror with a bottle of over the counter medication. It was an unopened bottle of ibuprofen, 1000 200mg tables. What I planed to do was down the whole bottle with benadryl and die in my sleep. I had the small box of benadryl got from the Kroger pharmacy and a hand full of ibuprofen poured out looking directly into the mirror. My suicide note was sitting on the desk on my room with an online copy on my laptop open.

I sat there for an hour in the dead of midnight complicating my life. I had lost all hope in the world, filled with hatred, anger, pain, and despair. I had no god or after life to look forward too, part way hoping that a Hell existed for me to burn in. I hated myself that much. I was close to taking the first handful before before I caught a glimpse of my own eyes in the mirror. In what was in a weird sudden epiphany I realized that I truly did become what I hated but not for any reason I told myself. I became the very bastion of negativity I sought to fight and rid of in what little friends I did have. That was what set off my path to recovery in spite of the medical system. I guess if people care I’ll make a separate post on that. 

Before I move on, I feel I should explain my history with the visual and auditory hallucinations. It should be no surprise that with everything else above, I also had extreme paranoia that led to me having very bad insomnia. Insomnia is, just like most other medical disorders like Depression, Self-harm, Anxiety, OCD,  Bipolarism, is romanticized to hell. Insomnia isn’t having one nights bad sleep where you got 5 hours of sleep instead of 8.

You know what Insomnia is? insomnia is being physical incapable of sleeping despite not sleeping in 2 to 3 day while your body suffers massive agony brought on by this. Muscle spasms and seizing, difficulty breathing, your eyes feeling like fire ants are eating them, and of course visual and auditory hallucinations. Now I already had issues with visual and auditory hallucinations even when I could get sleep regularly but the combined effects of my OCD and Bipolarism made this perfect condition of Insomnia, Anxiety, Paranoia, with the already added in disposition to hallucinations and I felt like I was actually losing my mind. 

My hallucinations presented themselves in three forms. Disassociation of reality, night terrors, or alterations of reality. Disassociation of reality often were complete black out moments. I would lose any perceived connect to reality and enter an episode of my mind. I can’t remember what they actually were but I do remember what it felt like. Cold sweats, anxiety to point where if I didn’t lock up I would vomit, actual physical pain, mind numbing fear, and intense fatigue. 

The second were night terrors often in the form of horrific “things.” I do remember these and most of them were as best as I could describe, forms of things that were vaguely human and formations of industrial machinery. The most vivid one I remember was of a long lengthy apparition that was for the most part human but many locations of it’s impossible physiology were rebar beams and mechanical sockets. It began when I was about to fall asleep and it was next to my window. The thing was making week groaning and gasping sounds before it violently slammed against my window breaking it then letting out a horrific howl that I can’t describe as it tossed itself out followed shorty after with the sound of bones breaking against the dirt. 

Now that might not seem so bad, exspecally with everything that is in horror movies or games now, but keep in mind that was fucking real to me. It was as real as the clicking of the keys of my keyboard as I’m writing this. As real as the chair I’m sitting in and as real as the wall in front of me. As far as my mind was concerned that thing, what ever it was, actually existed. It took me physical touching my window to make sure it wasn’t actually broken and checking outside to see if there wasn’t a body there. This isn’t the type of thing I talk about lightly. 

Finally there is the alteration of reality. This is very simply but it’s something that fucked with me hard. For very little meaning or warning, I would have trouble interpreting the world around me. My hearing and sight would be warped and there wasn’t any real way to tell what I was hearing or seeing was real or not until the episode was over. The way I got through these was the ultimate fake it till you make it. Obviously, very often I failed and this created issue in my schooling. 

Ending Message: I’ve been in a very bad state for a while now and as it is now, no signs of getting better. I also strongly believe my medications are being to fail me which I’ve been telling my doctor and therapist for over a year now but nothing’s been done. Mainly it’s my Depression but insomnia episodes are beginning and my own paranoia been on the rise. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even look at a creepy image or thumbnail without having a very bad episode. 

I’ve managed to eat something today which was nice but my body is cramping hard. And to possible stave of a possible comment, I’m biologically male. Like I said I’m not in the best head space, or living for that matter. If this gets better, only time will tell. 

[artificialqueens]

Do For Love (Shalaska) - Ch. 2 - Pink Sugar

summary: alaska is the editor in chief of a major magazine that she runs with her best friends, willam and courtney. sharon is the editor in chief of their top competitor in the industry and they hate each other. until they don’t anymore. 

a/n: OMG I’m so fucking happy you guys enjoyed chapter one, the feedback was so lovely (and 50+ notes!!! I’m literally floored.) I’m sorry this second chapter is so overdue, but I assure you the next one is not far away, I’m already part way through chapter 3. Kisses to you all, and as usual, please let me know what you think of this chapter. Also, per an anons request, I’ve made a Tumblr (artificial-pinksugar) so that you can send me headcanons or asks or whatever you want. I love you guys, thank you :) xx

Sharon Needles was sat with her legs crossed, the picture of composure, in one of the two chairs at Alaska’s desk. Her colleague, another of the other Lepore girls, Detox, if Alaska remembered correctly, was sat beside her. The two of them were enjoying the situation far too much for Alaska’s liking.                                 

Never one to beat around the bush, Alaska got right to the point.

“I thought you were meeting with Valentina today?” She asked coolly, crossing the room to take a seat at her desk to face the two women. If Sharon was surprised that Alaska was in the know about her meeting, she didn’t let it show. “I am,” She answered, parting her dark, blood red painted lips to smile amusedly at Alaska, “We’re going over there after this.”

“Great,” Willam spoke, walking from where she had been stood by the door to stand behind Alaska, Courtney following behind her, “So you aren’t staying.” Willam smiled sweetly back at Sharon.

Sharon flipped her glossy, mid-length, straight black hair behind shoulder with a perfectly manicured hand as she laughed at the blonde women’s’ hostility. “Girls, please. I just wanted to come by and say hello, seeing as we’re probably going to be seeing a lot more of one another from now on.”

“Well,” Alaska coughed, interrupting, “I wouldn’t get ahead of ourselves.”  

 A somewhat awkward silence followed Alaska’s comment. Sharon’s eyes, sapphire stones against her pale white skin, met Alaska’s glare unflinchingly. A challenge was present in both of their blue eyes, exactly what that challenge was, neither of them were sure, but they sure as hell both wanted to win.

 “Look,” Sharon finally spoke, tilting her head to the side to reveal to the white flesh of her neck, made paler by the short, perfectly fitted dark, forest-green dress she was wearing. “I just wanted to come by and say hi, seeing as I’m back in New York for a while, it’s a small city and I’d rather you be aware now before anyone gets surprised-“

 “Well maybe if you didn’t want anyone to be surprised you shouldn’t have shown up here unannounced.” Alaska snapped back across the table, Willam placing a hand on her shoulder so as to tell her to calm the fuck down and keep the cool she’d assured her and Courtney she had before they walked in.

“I mean,” Alaska continued, her tone evening out as she tried to regain her composure and her control in the conversation, “You should have made an appointment.”

“Yeah, well,” Sharon crossed her arms as she arched a perfectly painted dark eyebrow, “that wouldn’t have been nearly as fun, now would it?”

The girls fell into silence again, the tension in the room palpable between the two editors in chiefs’. Willam and Detox were having some kind of stare-down of their own on the side.  Courtney was watching them all from the left side of the table, more than a little confused by it all.

 “Well,” Detox cutting in for the first time, shifting a little uncomfortably in her seat, her black to neon-yellow ombré-bob dancing a little as she did so. It was the type of high-fashion hairstyle that looks fucking ridiculous on everyone unless said person is flawlessly featured and perfectly dressed. Willam made a mental note to put the style in their next issue. “We should get going, don’t want to be late for Valentina.” Detox rose in her black pantsuit, designer, Alaska recognized.

 “Always a pleasure, Alaska.” Sharon smiled mockingly, the three girls seated around the desk rising. She nodded coolly at Willam and Courtney as she smoothed the length of her snug, suit-material dress, the quarter length sleeves rising slightly as she did so. The black-haired woman grabbed for the couture black-leather jacket she’d rested against the back of the chair as she and her colleague made to leave.

 “No, Sharon.” Courtney spoke for the first time, “It’s our pleasure.”

 Sharon gave Courtney a momentary weird glance in response before slipping out of the office behind Detox.

 Alaska and Willam turned to look at Courtney, the words “what the fuck?” written all over their faces.

 “It’s our pleasure?” Willam asked, feigning disgust at her friends’ pathetically weak come back. “You guys were letting her have the last word!” Courtney defended herself.

 “No words would have been better than whatever the hell that was, dude.” Willam chastised her, finding Courtney’s complete inability to be unkind endlessly adorable.

 Alaska was quiet, thinking about what had just happened. She was so angry. She knew it was just business, but Sharon had this ability to crawl right under her skin, her eyebrow twitched with frustration as she finally spoke.

 “What the fuck are we gonna to do? We need this deal. We need it.”

 “Alright, sis, calm down.” Willam consoled her, “We don’t need it. We want it. And we’ll get it. You’ve been a fan of Valentina’s for over a year now and have shown far more interest in this deal than Sharon has, just relax, Visage is better than Lepore and everybody knows it.”

 Alaska wasn’t so sure. There was something weird about Sharon’s attitude, like she was hiding something. Before Alaska could finish the thought however and respond to Willam, three girls walked through the door to Alaska’s office that had been left open by Sharon.

 “Just saw the mistress of the dark herself and a walking yellow highlighter leave past our office, they didn’t stay long?” A busty woman with big, blonde curls and heavy but stunning makeup asked, leading the pack.

 “Yeah, Trixie, they had to make a run for it because Dorothy here,” Willam gestured to Alaska, who had sat back down in her red chair, “was about a minute away from throwing a bucket of water over the witches head. Needles didn’t wanna melt.”

 Trixie and the other blonde, who had entered beside her, cackled in response, gripping one another and flailing slightly as they laughed with Willam.

 “What was that about? What did they want?” The third girl asked, her dark hair framing a flawless but concerned looking face. Fame was forever the serious one of the three executives.

 “I don’t fucking know man, they’ve gone to meet with Valentina now.” Alaska replied in frustration.

 “It’s gonna be fine Linda!” Trixie told Alaska, “We’ve got this easily, our issues have been looking so polished this past year, Valentina would be insane to choose Lepore over us.”

 “Way to toot your own horn, Trix.” Courtney raised her eyebrows at Trixie, who had been in charge of the layout of the last eight issues of the magazine.

 “She’s right though, guys, it’s going to be fine. We’ve already started writing the pitch, we’re on top of this.” The Russian girl, who formed the other member of the three-piece executive team, addressed the five other women.

 “Yeah Katya, I’m sure if I was eating you out for breakfast, lunch and dinner you’d think I’m right too.” Willam shot back at Katya across the room.

 Katya squealed in laughter, “Jealous?”

 “Always.” Willam winked at Katya, causing Trixie to point a finger at her in warning. “I really love when my girlfriend and my friend talk about having sex with each other when I’m standing right next to them. That’s really fun for me.” Trixie narrated sarcastically to Courtney, Fame and Alaska.

 Even Alaska broke into laughter at the exchange, Katya leaning over to kiss Trixie’s cheek in assurance, the mood in the room shifting to be lighter and more relaxed.

 As the giggling settled, Trixie, Fame and Katya assured their bosses and friends that they would have the pitch done by Thursday and that they had this in the bag. Alaska allowed herself to believe them; silently thanking whatever greater power, that may or may not exist, for surrounding her with, arguably, the greatest women who have ever lived.

-

 “Hey, ‘Lask, Bill and I are heading out, you coming?” Courtney poked her pretty little head from behind the door of Alaska’s office, where she sat staring in pure concentration at her computer screen. “Uhh…” Alaska murmured, pulling her gaze from her screen to regard her friend, “I’m actually gonna stick around a little longer, finish reading these expense reports.”

Courtney’s figure emerged fully from behind the door to walk in and lean against the wall on the side of the office, “You do realize we have an entire accounting department to do that for you, right?”

 Alaska sighed, looking Courtney in the eyes; “I just want to make sure everything’s in order.”

 “Lasky, it’s fine. Everything is fine. You need to stop worrying so much. It’s not healthy, you need to have more fun.” The Australian reasoned, checking her watch, “It’s 9pm, you’ve been here for 12 hours, let’s go home.”

 Alaska didn’t have the energy to argue, she knew deep down that Courtney was right, but it was in her nature to worry. “Okay, let’s go.” Alaska switched off her iMac and packed her handbag. Courtney, who had already gotten her jacket off the coatrack for her, handed it to her and ran a hand down her back in assurance as the two friends left Alaska’s office, turning the light off behind them as they stepped out into the hall.

 They met up with Willam in the middle of the studio office space; she was sat talking to one of their employees, a boy called Milk who was interning in design and aesthetic. Upon seeing her friends, Willam flashed the awe-struck man a flirty smile, and left him stood slightly dumbfounded to walk alongside her best friends as the three of them strutted in their heels toward the glass doors of the office to find the elevator.

 “You’ve really got to stop sleeping with the interns, Bill.” Alaska commented as they stood waiting for the elevator to arrive.

 “I’m not sleeping with him, we were just talking!” The blonde replied loudly, her raspy voice catching as she did so. “Oh, just like how you were ‘just talking’ with Liam, Manila, Chris and April?” Alaska pushed, cackling as she listed the copious interns that Willam had had her way with over the years.

 “Don’t forget about Max and Gia too,” Courtney chimed in as the three of them stepped into the lift. “Okay!” Willam surrendered, “I get your point, but I don’t see any harm in me getting the most out of our employees!” She reasoned seriously, her eyes sparkling mischievously.

 “You’re the worst!” Alaska laughed, hitting Willam playfully with her bag as the elevator doors opened into the lobby of the building.

 “Goodnight, girls.” The receptionist, a plump older woman named Kasha Davis, said sweetly as they walked past. “Goodnight, Mrs Davis.” They all replied in unison, the three of them spinning around to smile at the lady they had come to care for since the Visage headquarters had moved into the Royal Carrera Centre four years ago.

 “So,” Courtney started, stepping forwards and turning around to stand facing Alaska and Willam in the middle of the lobby, “Who’s up for drinks? We could go downtown and see what’s good?”

 “I don’t know, Court, it’s pretty late and we’ve gotta be back in the office for 9am.” Alaska responded slowly, feeling increasingly guilty as sadness crept over Courtney’s bright, smiling face with every word of rejection.

 “I could drink.” Willam remedies the conversation, smiling as Courtney’s face returned to its previous, excited glow. “Yay!” The Australian sang, “See you tomorrow ‘Laska, baby, get some sleep tonight.” She spoke as she pulled in her tall friend for a tight hug. “Oh! I almost forgot!” Courtney pulled back quickly to look Alaska in the eyes as she spoke, still gripping her forearms, “There’s this girl who just moved into the apartment next to mine, and I’m like, 90% sure she’s gay,” Alaska looked amusedly across to Willam as Courtney continued to ramble, “Her name is Jinkx Monsoon, she’s a plastic surgeon at Trinity Medical, she’s really cool, I think you would like her.”

 “If she’s so cool why don’t you date her,” Alaska asked, tilting her head down to look lovingly at her friend, whose enthusiasm and energy was as endearing as it was exhausting. “Well, I thought about it, but after crazy Connie in 28C, I have decided to make a personal rule of not sleeping with the people who live in my building.”

 “Ugh,” Willam scoffed in sarcastic disbelief, “She’s growing!” The pride in her voice causing Alaska to break into laughter as she replied to Courtney, “I appreciate the gesture, thank you, Court, for so kindly offering me up your neighbor, but I will have to pass. Work is too busy for me to pursue a relationship right now.”

 “Who said anything about a relationship? Just sleep with her! You haven’t had sex in so long.” Courtney whined seriously.

 “I have sex!” Alaska responded loudly, eliciting a few odd looks from the businessmen and women that were filing out of the office building and into the city for the evening. Lowering her voice, she continued, “I had sex with that Natalie girl you set me up with in the summer.”

 “Alaska. Listen to yourself, in the summer. You’ve gotta get laid babe, you’re being all weird and uptight lately, you could benefit from having some fun.”

 “Well, thank you very much, Courtney, but I’m fine.” Alaska assured her friend, looking over to Willam for a little help escaping the conversation.

 “Come on, Miss Tindr here, let’s go get drinks, you’ve harassed Alaska enough for tonight.” Willam looped her arm through Courtney’s, the two blondes saying goodbye to Alaska before turning to leave into the cold autumnal night.

 As the two walked away, Alaska heard Willam ask Courtney exactly how she had known that this Jinkx girl was gay; Courtney replied saying something about her wearing a flannel shirt. Willam laughing and calling Courtney a fucking idiot was the last thing she heard before her friends slipped out the revolving doors and slid into one of the private company cars waiting outside.

 -

Alaska couldn’t help her mind drifting to think about the whole Valentina situation with Lepore as she sat in the backseat of the car toward her apartment. She wanted this deal so badly and she couldn’t believe Sharon was trying to get it. She also couldn’t believe Sharon was trying to expand Lepore to New York. Sharon hated New York.

 As she entered her apartment, Alaska thought back to when she first met Sharon Needles.

 It had been at a fashion show in Paris in 2013, a popular French-based brand had invited some American magazine editors in the hopes of garnering greater international exposure. Never one to turn down an invitation somewhere nice, Sharon had eagerly taken them up on the offer. Alaska, on the other hand, was reluctant to leave for a long-weekend, but Courtney and Willam convinced her that it would be amazing and to shut the fuck up complaining about a free trip to Paris. And how could she argue with that?

Alaska had been sat cross-legged, in the grand lobby of the Paris Four Seasons Hotel, reading a copy of Vogue, when the illustrious Sharon Needles had first obnoxiously click-clacked her ridiculous, spike-spine black stilettoes into (and all over) Alaska’s previously, somewhat un-tumultuous life.

Alaska was not an aggressive person, not confrontational, nor particularly interested in drama. Of her friends, she was always the quiet, reserved one. Sharon, however, was not.

“Excuse me, you don’t by any chance know where a girl can get a fucking drink around here?” Alaska looked up from the July issue she was reading to face, arguably, one of the most striking creatures she was convinced she had ever met.

“There’s a bar right through there,” Alaska gestured across the lobby, unable to stop herself from checking out the woman before her. She was tall, not as tall as Alaska, but tall, with long, creamy, porcelain legs, made paler by the short black business-dress she was wearing and burgundy jacket.

“Fucking perfect,” Sharon exhaled, clearly visibly satiated by the knowledge alcohol was near. “Hey,” Sharon continued, pointing a sharp black nail Alaska’s direction, the blond still sat casually in her seat. “Do I know you? You look weirdly familiar.”

“You tell me,” Alaska responded, rising to stand and extend a polished hand toward the shorter woman, “Alaska Thunderfuck.”

“Alaska Thunderfuck.” The other woman repeated slowly with a knowing smile, shaking the blonde’s hand as she reiterated her words. “I was wondering if I might see you here. I’m Sharon. Sharon Needles.”

Sharon Needles.

The new editor in chief of Lepore Magazine, Alaska had heard about her. Hell, the entire industry had heard of her, no one takes over from Amanda Lepore quietly.

“The new Lepore editor.” Alaska smiled, not quite sweetly, more with interest than anything else.

It was at this point that the two girls realized they were still shaking hands.

Quickly pulling her hand away, much to Sharon’s amusement, Alaska noticed, Alaska continued speaking; “How is Amanda? I haven’t heard from her since she announced she was retiring.”

“Oh, she’s great,” Sharon replied quickly, “She’s gone off traveling with her husband for a while. I’m sure you of all people know how tiring this job can be.”

“Yeah,” Alaska laughed slightly, “I sure do.”

The two women smiled at each other, both a little surprised by the easy conversation between them. Alaska had known that the new upcoming editor had taken over at Lepore, and Alaska was familiar with Sharon’s work- she was excellent and the industry had been following her for a while now. Alaska hadn’t however expected that the two of them would get along; everyone knew that Lepore and Visage were rival outlets, especially recently with how well the two magazines had been doing in the last year that Sharon had taken over. She’d managed to shift Lepore’s demographic a little more mainstream to the industry, targeting younger customers through a slightly edgier aesthetic than the magazine had had under Lepore. It was different and weird and kind of beautiful. Alaska, Courtney and Willam had spent a few quiet hours adoring over one of their recent issues a few months prior, only to find themselves feeling more motivated than ever to nail their next issue afterwards.

“Could I buy you a drink, Alaska?”

And with that request, began an odd, dynamic friendship.

For the next few months, Alaska and Sharon spoke often over text or email, discussing fashion, films, family, friends, anything and everything in-between, but never work. They always avoided the topic of work. It was good for a while, the two of them were endlessly alike in their interests and passions, and this made for easy chemistry. But, as Courtney and Willam had been quick to warn Alaska when she had come home from Paris gushing over how cool and fun the new Lepore editor is, this would only come to implode. And that it did.

“Alaska,” Willam came barging into the taller blonde’s office, eyes ablaze as they stared frantically down at the screen of the iPad in her hands, as if she couldn’t process what it was she was reading. “This fucking bitch, this fucking BITCH. Dude, you’re not gonna believe this.” Alaska immediately put down the folder of prospective issue covers that Katya had delivered that morning to give Willam her full attention.

“What is it? What happened?”

“Sharon happened.”

“Needles?”

“No, Alaska.” Willam deadpanned, “Sharon Stone quit acting and fled Hollywood to enter the media print industry and steal our best fucking client from right underneath us.”

“Wait, what?” Alaska was confused.

“Sharon Needles stole our Balenciaga deal!”

“What do you mean she stole our Balenciaga deal?” Alaska asked, somehow not understanding what Willam was saying.

Willam stared across at Alaska like she was speaking fucking Mandarin.

“What I mean is, Mariah Balenciaga just emailed us to say she’s pulling our deal! She wants Lepore to print the features for her shows starting next season, not us.” Willam explained angrily, the words pouring from her mouth quickly as she paced around Alaska’s office with all the fire and fury her 5-inch heels could carry.

Before Alaska even bothered to respond to Willam, she had her phone to her ear.

“Sharon Needles.”

“You fucking stole my fucking client?”

“Alaska?”

“What the fuck, Sharon? I thought we were friends!”

“Hey,” Sharon’s voice reasoned coolly over the crisp phone line, “It isn’t personal, Alaska, it’s just business.”

Alaska didn’t really know what to say to that. She knew Sharon was right, it was business, and this was a cutthroat industry, but she didn’t care. They were friends, they’d been chatting for weeks; this was not okay.

“You’re a bitch!” Willam called down the phone; she’d somehow snuck up behind Alaska to listen in on the call taking place between the two editors in chiefs.

“No, I’m just good at my job.”

Alaska’s feelings were hurt. She had liked Sharon, trusted her, and enjoyed the companionship they had managed to create. Even though their friendship was new, Alaska couldn’t fight the heavy feeling in her chest. She felt betrayed.

“Well I’m good at my job too, Needles,” Alaska replied, her eyebrows furrowed she addressed the woman by her last name, making it as impersonal as she could, “so you can watch your back.”

“Yeah Needles, you’ve upset my friend, I’ll make sure you-“

“Willam!” Alaska stopped Willam’s yelling into the phone with a quick nudge, dropping her mobile onto her desk, “I already hung up.”

“She’s a dick, Alaska.”

“Yeah,” Alaska sighed, leaning back against her chair, folding her arms across her chest, pushing her soft pink blouse into the flesh of her chest, “I guess she is.”

 Alaska recalled these events as she dropped her handbag onto the kitchen island and sat down at one of the four stools lining its marble edges, pouring herself a glass of rosé, something she’d been looking forward to ever since Sharon’s name came up today.

 Following the Balenciaga incident in 2013, the last four years had seen Alaska and Sharon passive aggressively run into one another numerous times at industry functions, fighting for the occasional minor deal here and there, and every time, becoming increasingly competitive.

 Alaska was suddenly pulled from her reverie by a sudden flurry of text message notifications making her phone buzz enthusiastically.

 Resting her glass down on the black marble, Alaska reached turned her phone over to see about 15 text messages flowing in in speedy succession from Adore. To anyone else the scramble of emojis, curse words and slang terms would be utterly indecipherable, but Alaska had learned to understand and love Adore’s quirky ways, there was no one else that would ever be as loyal to her as that younger girl so devotedly is.

 Alaska interpreted the texts to mean she should check her email. Right fucking now.

 With her long, pink acrylic tipped finger she refreshed her inbox. She had one new message. It was from Valentina.

 Dearest Visage and Lepore Magazines,

We apologize for not being in touch sooner, but we had some affairs we needed to align.

In regard to the previously discussed media campaign deal between our company and yours, we wish to propose a compromise. Upon exploring our options, we are changing the grounds of the arrangement.

It is to be requested that both Lepore and Visage work together on a joint media campaign for Valentina, in the buildup to our upcoming December fashion show. It will be a digital website media campaign incorporating the aesthetic and skills of both magazines, and we would love if the project could be lead by both Alaska Thunderfuck and Sharon Needles.

At the end of this winter campaign, and upon having had experience working with individuals from both magazines, we would then like to select a company between the two of you to have a multi-million dollar, three-year contract with our brand. The details of said deal and the details of the media campaign are being contracted and will be forwarded to both your lawyers by the end of the week!

We very much hope you agree to participate, and we cannot wait to work with you!

Many thanks and kind regards, 

Valentina CO.

Alaska read the message approximately 7 times before she dramatically dropped her phone back down onto the counter.

Was this a fucking joke? The thought alone of having to put up with Sharon for a prolonged period of time made Alaska feel the burning sensation of some kind of stress rash forming across her chest. But then again, Sharon getting the deal and moving out to New York would be worse.

She called Courtney, putting it on speaker so she wouldn’t have to hold her phone.

“Did you see that email?”

“Yeah, Bill and I just read it.” Courtney replied sighing in frustration.

“That Latina bitch! That red-dress wearing, Sharon’s dick-sucking bitch!” Willam still had a habit of screaming down her friends’ phone lines.

Courtney forced Willam out of her face in the trendy downtown bar they were in to tuck her phone under her ear and reason with Alaska. “We don’t have to take it, not if you don’t want to, ‘Lask. The three-year contract is great, but-“

 “No, Court.” Alaska sighed, her head in her hands, frustrated and tired and sick of things not going her way. “We have to take this deal. And you know that.”

“Yes girl, yes! We’ve got this!” Willam had somehow managed to get in on the conversation again. Alaska heard Courtney tell Willam to stop shouting, her lips curving slightly upwards at her friends’ shenanigans.  

“I’ll forward the email to the girls and get them in the loop.” Alaska submitted. “Trixie’s gonna freak when she reads this.”

“OMG!” Willam spoke into the phone seriously, “Can we wait and tell them tomorrow in person, I love when Trix goes on a verbal rampage.”

Alaska couldn’t help but laugh despite her tensed jaw, saying she was going to email them despite the entertainment of Trixie’s temper, while Courtney told Willam she was drunk and that they needed to go home.

 “Get home safe, I love you both. Take care of her, Court.”

 “I’ll do my best.”

 Alaska pressed the hang-up button and raised her wine to her lips, the cold liquid staining her glossy lips pink as she wondered just what it was she had gotten herself into.

[angisam]

you wild side

Chapter 4 - The Non-Existence    

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tumblr (español) 1 / 2 /  3 / 4 / 5

tag chapter: underfell (au community) wolvesfell( au and charater @sanspar)

uf!sans , wolvesfell!pap, non-existence, Beartler

note: my english is bad I hope you won't have problem to read it

"Hurry up! They can't escape!" - Bearlte's shouts could be heard uncomfortably close by was a clear sign that they should accelerate the pace.

"C'mon Bossy, We should sidetrack them already! Hurry up ! "The beast growled at him complaining of the comment. Sans clung as he could to the back of the other didn't even know how he could continue to cling to him taking the strides he gave trying to dodge all the obstacles he found in the forest. Little by little the trees began to become less frequent until they disappeared almost completely, giving way to a large white meadow. "Tell me you know where we're going in?!" He looked up and smiled with total confidence - oh no ... he knew that face, Papyrus would do that face when he do madness. When he look back, he notice that Bearlte appeared with four soldiers from the forest left behind, now that there were no obstacles in between, it was only a matter of time before they were powdered. "!we have to!…. No ... you won't  be able "- Bossy increased speed in response. His grip tightened- "oh for Asgore I guess it's better than dying devoured by dogs" - in the background was observed how the land had long ago split apart in two halves; A cliff appeared before his eyes.

Each time they were closer to reaching them one could hear their tired breaths. "Stop! It's an order! "- ordered the Mighty Bear monster, but it was too late. They had already jumped the great and impressive ravine. The jump was incredibly powerful, despite that, wasn't enough to avoid the blow he received in the ribs after landing on the same edge of the other end. It was noisily painful it was so dry that the rider gave a full turn before sliding down the floor. When Sans looked up he saw Bearlte standing at one end and watching with his great and fearsome mace surrounded by four guard dogs and at the other end Pupyrus trying desperately to climb. "Damn it!" The monster skeleton rose quickly to To succor his hairy brother. I grabbed his jacket but it was too heavy for him. The other tried desperately to climb but his legs couldn't grab at anything the rock would come off at every attempt. There was a dreadful snarl and then a sharp blow to his side they both looked at the direction where it occurred and before they could really perceive that Bearlte threw their mace at the other end the ground cracked around them falling down the deep cliff.

Two days before

There is a lot of noise around him. Sans doesn't know where he is, the last thing he remembers is to have fallen asleep at the sentry station and to have woken up in a place full of smoke with people screaming nothing coordinated with a loud alarm. he was in a bad way shortened on a hard cold ground and a red light with an appearance pattern banged his eyesocker uncomfortably. Never in his life had he been so confused and sick, he felt like ... like .... It was indescribable. It was like if he had been thrown into a tornado while his ribs is hit their . He repositioned himself to sit down and made an effort to assimilate his surroundings, it was the most grotesquely realistic nightmare he had ever dreamed of. "! HERE AMONG THE SMOKE! GETTING IT "- wait ... were they referring to him? -  can hear the floors of several monsters heading towards their position -" LOOSE THE NOOSES"- oooohhhhh shit they referred to him, confused with fear and with stressed, the last thing he saw before teleporting away from wherever he  was looked up to a person tying a long stick with a bow at the premiere. Nop! Nop! Nop! The hard floor give way to the snow soft. Sans, still in his seated position, began to crawl backward until a solid wall prevented him from continuing. He tried to breathe as calmly as he could, questioning whether what he had just lived was only the product of a nightmare. Over time he forced himself to relax and inspect where he had stopped ... nice thing, he was leaning on one side of his house, between the house and the shed more concretely. It rises up little by little even having the discomfort of when it woke up in that place, bitter proof that that really happened. - I have to look for Pap- I think whatever that place is, it's something serious. He begins to walk towards the setting of his house using the wall as a support, he still feels  like a shit but gradually disappears.

When it finally arrives it he escaba in his pocket to extract the key of house. But for some reason It doesnt work "fuck ... I'm not for shit, open fucking door!" - to despair begins knocking on the door and pulling the handle almost trying to pull it out, eventually surrender, whatever, there is nobody at home. He doesn't know what time it is but there are no lights inside, his brother must be on patrol or something. Well he could wait, so he would be more relaxed and could think things through. It time to go to Grillby's.

On his way to Grillby's tavern he noticed that some monsters were watching him closely, it wouldn't be the first time that some monster was spying on him, but at that moment it was different, his eyes were to mistrustful. Sans noticed it but decided to believe that it was his imaginations so accumulated stress in such a short time, so that being watched was not something so unusual.

When he entered the bright and warm tavern, he found the same customers in their respective seats, counting the royal guards of Snowdin. That meant Papyrus would have finished his patrol hours ago .... It also meant that he would have to listen to the reprimands for not being in his station. Now more than ever he wanted a drink. But then? Where was him? Undyne. Probably called him on some matter maybe to train, well, it didn't matter, it would be late. Before going to the bar and asking for something he approached to ask Dogamy and Dogaressa to assure his theory. "Hey, do you know where my brother is now?" - Great dog tilted his head and Doggo only directed the ears to where the sound came without looking away from the fan of letters, regarding the couple looked surprised and then "You're the first one we see, surely we would remember seeing a monster as you, hehehe," replied Dogaressa. What the fuck? What did that creepy tone come to? But instead of answering he simply preferred to leave the conversation had already had too many strange things for today.

He sat at the bar in front of the flaming violet monster, which kept drying a glass with a rag. "Grillby put me the usual, you can't imagine how my day has gone" - the other simply remained silent ,silently looking behind his sunglasses- "... and what is it  the everyday?" - he frown while he kept his watch the fire "oh come Grill I'm not in the mood" - "... you're taking a lot of liberties runt " - "this is because of my tag ?, don't I always pay you ?" -they fire in front of him I stopped cleaning the glass, leaving it on the table while he was leaning one arm on the bar and the other I used it as a support to pose his head - "this is interests me now, is usually me who has to" refresh "the memory and not the Reverse, since we are what you owe me money mmm "-" ... what? ... "- his eye lights began to tremble" hey, are you bothering this appetizer? "- the other dogs laughed

the joke to Doggo. ENOUGH! A red light was the last thing they saw in the bar. Sans teleported to Waterfall, he had to find his brother, he only hoped that he and Undyne would know who he was.

he knock the door with pure terror in his hands. Out of the door came Undyne, who was looking at him with the face of few friends. Before she could say anything Sans stepped forward, "! Undyne tell me that you know where my brother is, something really fucked is going on and- "Before he could follow it the Captain she lunged at him, banging his skull against the ground. I grab him by the sweater from his lying position- "shut up! I dont get any more visits at this time of night, I don't know where the hell  your brother is. "" Undyne for Asgore, I have to find him anyway! You have to - "- Undyne put his spare hand on her Teeth without any affection, he didn't need to open his mouth to speak precisely but the message was more than clear- "I see .... He is dead "-" WHAT !? "-" you arent the first one who comes desperate asking to find a missing family member, if you haven't found him until now,so he is dead, don't have much hope "- with that explanation she get off  from above Sans and went back into houses.

He instantly got up "b-b-but I'm not- What's happening?" - again he teleported to Snowdin this time back to his house. He ran to the entrance, without expecting it, he found a giant bear monster opening the door. The little skeleton stared at him in horror, he was standing right in front of the door with a set of keys without noticing his presence. "Can I help you with something?" - well, maybe he already notice his presence - "..." - "I've never seen you around here is a bit dangerous to walk around these hours" - "I'm.. this-" "Yes? "-which I could answer-oh yeah, look me and my brother have been in that house for years but apparently no one remembers our existence-" yeah...  I'm looking for my brother, I ... em think he's in Snowdin ... in some place "- sounded  as the worst excuse in history but the other didn't seem to care or didn't notice -" I see ... "- began to rummage in his pocket -" look, I know you're worried but it isn't a good idea that monsters as you ronden at night "- the subject sack of the pocket 100 g-" W-What? "-" is for the hostal, it is at the other part of the town. There a point of transport there is behind the house in an igloo isn't lost "- where did this guy come from? Nobody gives money to strangers, the only way someone gives you money is with a beating before. "H-hey, thank you very much for your help, hehe" - "it's my job" - and with that last sentence he enter the house.

Sans kept looking at the bills that had been kind enough to give him. And if he didn't actually find his brother because he didn't exist. He had begun to tremble in his life he had been so afraid, to wake up in a strange place and never to have existed is never totally unlikely, but that is what was happening. There's something that big guy was right the nights are dangerous and he had nowhere else to go.

He intended to open the door of the hospal when he suddenly saw that in the other building the door was opened and he found another strange point to add to his day; a human .

 The human noticed his presence and gasped in surprise, more than frightened, confused.

"S-San- ..." - the human being quiet suddenly and shaking his head he stepped back without believing what his eyes were seeing, starting to run out of Snowdin.

Did that human know who he was !?

[asymmetryestablished]

valentine fandom ask meme: homestuck for all the odd ones and rvb for all the even ones

oH GOD okay let's see how this goes***Spoiler Alert*** by the way1. Your favourite non-canon ship? I don't particularly have one, though to be clear Homestuck has a hell of a lot of ships. I like pairing people up with Sollux tho, if only because I support Sollux getting lots of love.2. Is there a ship you didn’t like at first but ultimately started shipping? Tuckington and Lolix. both are things my friend who got me into RvB ships hardcore, but when I first encountered all the relevant characters I couldn't see them in the pairs. Tuckington I saw once they actually started interacting, in S11 or so; Lolix, after having seen their episodes in S14, although I shipped them as exes before then - like, I watched them and agreed that they'd had something but it fell apart before we met them.3. What is the rarest rare pair (that you ship)? I'm not really a rarepair kind of child but I do like Sollux/Dirk and Sollux/John, because programming and hands, respectively4. Name a popular ship you don’t get the appeal of. probably Chex I just really strongly believe that moving on is the best damn idea Church ever had5. What is your most fluffy + happy ship? fun question, because a lot of my ships could be fluffy or angst depending on what you look at. short answer: Davekat.6. What is your most angsty ship? FELIX/TUCKER OKAY HOLY SHIT MAJOR SPOILER ALERT FOR THE CHORUS TRILOGY BUT just picture when they're in Armonia and Wash is presumed dead and Tucker is having to come to terms with losing someone he hadn't realized he loved so much and also coming to terms with his love AND HIS SEXUALITY on top of that and Felix just slides on in because he's a slimy bastard who isn't above getting off on other people's emotional pain and/or just generally being an emotional sadist but also tactically brilliant and fucking Tucker while he's broken and I currently have an in-progress fic that is literally this and entitled "Felix Tucker emotional abuse" on my computer (ABUSE in my binder)7. A non-canon ship that should be canon? again, Homestuck has quite a romantically promiscuous canon. I think most of my really serious ships are canon??? but it's also been a while since I last acquainted myself with HS so I'm not sure. I do like Sollux/Karkat in basically any quadrant tho and I don't think they canonically did any quadrant stuffz or at least not all of them8. Your oldest ship; the one you’ve shipped for the longest time? Grimmons. still ship it. GRIF LITERALLY CONTAINS PARTS OF SIMMONS IF THATS NOT POTENTIAL FOR A ROMANTIC CRISIS FIC THEN IDK WHAT IS9. What ship represents the kind of relationship you’d love to have? Davekat as presented in canon, all soft squishy feels under a shell of crunchy banter and sarcasm; that, or Rosemary, which I read this fic once that mentioned them being a universal constant? like, there wasn't a single timeline where they didn't get together, and that makes me really happy. I also really like how Nepeta and Equius are complete polar opposites and both really fucking weird but don't care10. Is there a ship that makes your skin crawl? Churboose the way most people portray it. Caboose has the mental capacity of a child; I don't know if it's canon or not, but I am firmly of the belief that he is not entirely capable of distinguishing between romantic and platonic love, if at all, and sex isn't even a thing that he acknowledges. I can get behind the idea of Church accidentally and bizarrely and inexplicably falling in love with Caboose in a purely emotional sense, and Caboose loves everyone on all the teams in his own way, except the ones his family (because that's what they are, his family) genuinely hates, and those he does his best to fuck up something fierce. but don't pretend that Caboose and Church having sex would be anything but creepy as fuck and completely out of character. Also, the Director/Tex, because vicarious relationships, and Felix/Tucker but that one's a good skin-crawly one if done right (which it will be when I do it).11. What is a character you can only imagine in one particular ship? Calliope I can only see with Roxy, but damn do I ever see it.12. What is your favourite canon ship? if we're going with the cutthroat definition of canon, there aren't any, so going with the practical definition, Grimmons, because I'm not saying the secretly-married jokes are true, but I am saying they're extremely well-founded, even if one or both of them needs to pull his head out of his ass and notice.13. Name a ship that deserved more content. I feel like Vriska/Terezi, especially Game Over timeline Vriska/Terezi, deserved more, but I definitely needed more Terezi/John, because John learning firsthand about kismesissitude is a beautiful image.14. Is there a ship you feel gets undeserved hate in fandom? no??? the RvB fandom tends to agree that most of the characters have banged or at least that they could, so I haven't actually seen, like, *any* ship hate.15. What is the first ship you had? Davekat, which I shipped before getting into Homestuck, for which I blame the friend who got me into it in the first place.16. Is there a ship that made you realise something about yourself? uhm. all of them made me realize that I have a thing for temporarily inflicting emotional pain on characters, if that counts???17. Is there a type of ship you always go for? this goes for everything: banter. banter banter banter. example ships outside of these two specified fandoms: Bond/Q (Craig era), Romeo/Mercutio (yes, Romeo and Juliet), Rosencrantz/Guildenstern (Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, specifically), Kate/Petruchio (yes I'm Shakespeare trash get over it), Skye/Jeffrey (The Penderwicks), wow I ship a lot of things I hadn't realized I shipped.18. Is there a ship the writers have ruined for you? no. unless you count the emotional abuse that is Ohio shooting Sherry and thereby ruining any chance they could've had, which nearly made me cry19. Is there a ship the fandom has ruined for you? not unless you count that tumblr post about Gamzee's relationships all being meticulously calculated and executed to do the most damage ruining my ability to enjoy pale Gamkar due to my new perception of Gamzee20. Have you ever created fan created content for a ship? hell ye. I have an AO3 but refuse to attach it to my tumblr. currently I've only got one RvB work and it's a really minor ship of mine, but I've got like four Tuckington, one Lolix, and that Felix/Tucker emotional abuse on the go.21. Favourite thing you’ve ever created for a ship? see previous comment re: not sharing my AO3, but my Snowman/Spades Slick WIP makes me really happy and I've got some damn good Davekat22. Is there a ship you’ll never admit you have? nope. not for anything I don't think. I'll even admit to shipping Annie and Teddy from the Magic Tree House books, and Dink and Ruth Rose from the A-Z Mysteries. I have always been a trashbaby and never given half a fuck.23. Have you ever started shipping a ship because of the fans? see previous comments re: Davekat. there was at least one more but I can't remember right now.24. What is one scene you want to see happen for all your ships? meeting in a bar, for the first time or after a long time or whatever. there are so many damn ways a bar meeting could go that it satisfies so many of my ships, and in RvB, all of them.25. Is there a ship you wish you didn’t know existed? all forms of Stridercest, particularly since I can actually tolerate Dirk/Dave. also Kurloz/Mituna because Kurloz is a confirmed creepy abusive fucker and Mituna is my precious pandamaged child26. Name a ship that ended like you wanted it to. Church/Tex, actually, if you disregard my temporary disappointment at Tex being female. the end of S9 gave them the best possible ending.27. Name a ship that deserved better in the end. Dirk/Jake but I can't complain too much because at least the abusive relationship ended28. Is there a character you have several ships for? Tucker's a slut, so yeah, but also I'm a big believer in breakups being a good and healthy part of life, so I ship relationships in the past tense. example: I support York and Carolina being together, and also thoroughly support Kimball finally getting Carolina to open up and fall in love again.29. What is the ship you ignore 98% of canon for? that's not really a thing I do, so. there isn't one.30. Is there a ship you like but you dislike the fandom? if we mean the fandom stuff for the particular ship, yeah, Churboose and Lolix in particular but I generally hate when people miss the point of what makes characters themselves in order to just make fanfic or whatever of their ship. in more general terms, I read the Maze Runner a while ago in order to be able to watch the movie for the sake of Thomas Brodie-Sangster (which I decided not to actually do because it's a really bad book), and I fucking hated the book, it's a really fucking shitty book, but Newt and Thomas all the fucking way man. (I think it was the nickname that really got me; nobody else calls him Tommy, and Newt doesn't give anyone else a nickname as far as I can remember, and also I'm really pissed that they cut the kiss scene from the movie because I might've suffered through it just for that)HOOOOOO BOY thank you anon that was way more fun than sleeping. also I'm having so much trouble figuring out who you are because most of my people I know are in one fandom or the other but not both, and the other people I can think of I can't imagine sending me an ask like this. aaaaa it's a mystery thank you for the excuse to ramble