#criticized them a bit too much (literally just said one negative thing)

[some-pers0n]

I like to think that Coral is a horrible piss pour author that can't write at all but still forces everyone to read it and if they dare to say anything bad they get thrown into The Shark Tank

[nothing-tolose]

Foolish One.

warning: reader being so dumb bcs she always ignores every signs and dreaming too much <3

if you have criticism and suggestions to me, you can just knock my dm or send it to inbox <3

a/n: this whole fic was messed up like REALLY REALLY MESSED UP please bear w me ;) have fun anw

wc: 6K

daily click

Cards are on the table. It's way past midnight, yet the living room is bathed in light, and laughs from your friends all over the room. Here you are, having a sleepover for four nights with your friends and now playing UNO cards with them. None of you all can sleep, that's why now you were sitting on the dining chair, with three cards on your hand.

"Ellie! It's your turn!"

You glanced at Ellie, who was sitting across the table, as Sophie called out her name. God, you couldn't help yourself but screaming inside your heart as you saw her smile on her face. Those freckles on her face, green emerald eyes, and the scar on her eyebrow, she literally got your attention.

You knew that you were already fell in love with her, ever since you saw her on Aimee's instagram story 3 months ago. Head over heels even. But one thing you can't help it from yourself everytime you fall in love, you were too afraid to reach her out. Of course, your friends giving you a lot of advice so you wouldn't be afraid to start a conversation with Ellie. You already tried on their advice, such as texting her through direct messagw but always ended up you delete it before you could even send the text.

So many negative thoughts when you tried to reach her. What if she doesn't like me? What if she call me a freak? What if she hates me? A countless what-ifs lives rent free on your mind. And it explains why you weren't close enough with Ellie, you were too afraid and too shy to start a conversation.

You knew all about her from your friends. They'd tell you what's her interest, what she likes and hates, what she afraid of, and so much more. You do realize that you can't just got her news only from your friends, so you've been following her instagram account by your not really a suspicious fake account named @/16candlesf00l. Thank God her account isn't a private account, and thank God she didn't block your account!

You've also been following her TikTok with another fake account since she was pretty famous there with around 8,000 followers she has, and that makes you can easily leave comments on every video she posts without worried about she's going to confused, you usually leaving comments like, "Oh, you're really pretty!" and other flirty remarks. Then one day, you comment, "Did you cut your hair?" and she responds with just "Yeah." Despite her brief reply, you respond enthusiastically with "Should we get married?"

A single word, 'Yeah,' had already sent you into an hour of rolling on your bed, giggling, and playfully kicking your feet against the pillows.

She didn't reply to your comment after that, and you didn't mind. At least there was a bit of interaction with you, right?

"Hey!"

Snapped back to the reality by Cassandra's tap on your shoulder, she leaned in and whispered to you, "Girl, I know you're head over heels for Ellie, but how long are you going to just stare at her, huh?"

"What-" You cast a quick glance at Ellie, unable to believe what Cassandra had just said. Yet there she was, looking back at you with that slight smile on her lips, her fingers idly playing with the cards in her hand. It was clear she had been watching you for at least a minute or two.

You quickly turned your head left and right, let out an awkward chuckle to Cassandra. Oh really, you lost your words.

"Uh- Cass- I.. Uhm, what color-" You stuttered, you started feel like this situation was fucking embarrassing especially when Ellie still looking at you, not moving even for a second. Cassandra and the others waiting you pull out your cards.

And for God's sake, you really wanted to hide yourself in a closet right now.

"Hey, why did you stuttered? It's blue, go pull out your card, babe!" Cass slapped your back (not in verbally way obviously. Immediately you pulled out your card, you didn't see the number first but the color.

You saw Ellie suddenly get up from her chair, she handed her cards to Chloe who's already won the game first, "Chloe, can you play my cards for me? Em—" she stopped, clearing her throat before she continued, "I have an emergency, I'll be back later,"

Chloe just nodded without giving her a glance, hands taking the cards. Meanwhile your eyes were never leaving her gesture leaving the dining room to backyard porch.

3 hours passed after the moment where you got caught by your friends for staring at Ellie for too long. Everyone was asleep, except you. It was really really boring because you're being the only one who can't sleep, meanwhile everyone is drowning in their own sweet dream.

The silence in Sophie's bedroom was so quiet that the ticking of the clock feels so loud here. You get up from the bed really slow and careful as you didn't want  to disturb Cassandra's sleep, as she was a light sleeper. As you made my way out of the bedroom, you cast anxious glances at Cassandra, concerned that the door might creak loudly upon opening.

You turned your heels towards the backyard porch, then leaning your back against the fence. Your hands grabbed a cigarette and lighter from your pocket. As you took a drag, you sighed, your mind replaying the moment from two hours earlier. After revealing your cards, Ellie had turn aside her gaze, yet you couldn't shake the feeling that she was stealing glances at you every few minutes.

Okay, maybe you're really delusional.

"I thought I'm the only one who couldn't sleep?"

You fixed your position and looking around to find where the voice came from, an that's when you spotted Ellie from the house, pulling on her gray hoodie as she stepped to you. Did she just talking to you? Like, for the first time ever?

Jesus, 'No fucking way,'

You chuckled, "I guess my eyes weren't in the mood for sleep," you said. She joined you, resting her arms on the railing right beside you. "So," you said as you turned and tossed the cigarette into the trash bin below the porch, "What keeps you awake from sleeping? I mean, it's three in the morning and everyone else is asleep except us."

"I don't know," she shrugged her shoulders, and you tilted your head, "You don't know?"

"Yeah, I just… I don't even know what I'm doing before I realize it's already 3 AM. I guess I was thinking about something, getting lost in it, and then I forgot it once I realized I'm still awake," As she spoke, her smile broadened and she turned her head towards you, her gaze firmly fixed on yours.

You nodded in response. You couldn't look at her directly for fear of blushing, even as you sensed her gaze from the corner of your eye. Deep down in your mind, you found it hard to believe what had just happened. The girl you had a crush on since three months ago, the girl you always adored from afar because you were too shy and afraid, the girl you've been flirted on her TikTok post comment section are the same girl who just talking to you a few seconds ago.

The atmosphere turned really awkward when neither of you continued the conversation. The only sounds were from the insects on the ground and the occasional car passing by on the street. You humming, for at least the situation wouldn't be too awkward if you do that.. maybe.

Ellie opened her mouth, "How did you met Sophie?"

"Hm?" you glance at her and gasped the next second, "Oh, Sophie! I thought you were speaking some words," you fall silent, hummed, and let out a little chuckle from your lips, "I've known her since the first year; she was my first friend at school before she introduced me to Aimee, Cassandra, and Chloe. We've gotten along ever since… until today. And.. what about you?"

"Sophie has been my friend since childhood, we were on the same school when I was 7, her dad was my father's fishing buddy for years and we were on the same neighborhood. Now she's more like my.. older sister," she stopped, before pull herself away from the railing, "But whenever I'm with her, it feels as though I'm speaking to an old woman who lives for a long time. She told everything to me, the dos and don'ts, and even offers five minutes of advice whenever she thinks I need it!"

You groans between your laugh, "Really? No way, she did the same thing to me all the time! She's truly the mom, isn't she? Oh, you know what? One day I was scammed by someone claiming to sell tickets for my favorite singer's tour. I ended up losing about 200 bucks, they blocked my numbers and didn't say anything! And she—"

"Wait, 200?!" Ellie interrupted, her tone a mix of surprise and shock. You nodded and chuckled as you saw her mouth fall open. "That's… quite a lot," she added.

"I know! Jeez, I was so dumb at that time, and Sophie was the first person I told, and she really scolded me for an entire day. She keeps bringing it up in the middle of any conversation, as if I didn't hear her the first time," you paused for a moment, taking a breath before continuing, "She even said things like 'I told you so, I damn well told you!', 'If only you had been patient, you wouldn't have been scammed', and 'With that money, you could've bought your precious expensive book,' ugh, I wasn't born for those words!" you imitated Sophie's voice, laughing lightly as you did.

You both laughed, the conversation continues as you both found a lot common in each other's interests when you mentioned your favorite comic book. You swore she's the sweetest when she's talking, eyes always locked on you, the funniest jokes she tossed, it all raises your hopes too high. Two hours flew by, until you started feeling sleepy and decided to head back to the bedroom, but when you were already laying down, the sleepy instantly gone.

You were talking to yourself in whispers before you asleep, mind keep thinking about Ellie and there was no any signs to stop thinking about her. So many wishful thoughts and imagines if you were dating her. Yet, no matter how long you could keeping her in your mind, there's always some voices showed up in your head and saying such things like;

'You really never learned from your past,'

'There's so many girls out there who maybe caught her attention,'

'It'd seem so sad if you're the only one who fell to her and she's not.'

'Aren't you afraid if she end up with someone who's not you like how the last time you fell in love?'

And you really hate those voices, trying to block them all out without giving a single damn to it. Instead, you tried to believe that things will work out with Ellie, unlike the last time when you fell for Robin—the girl who started dating someone else the day after you confessed your feelings to her.

No, you're not going to end up the same like that. Not now, not with Ellie.

"What if she confesses her feelings to me?" you mumbled, biting your lower lip as you began giggling and buried your face in the pillow, "God, I'm so fucking delusional!" although you said that, you couldn't stop for imagining if she were tell you about her feelings, going on a date to somewhere, chilling at her house or yours, and discussing about every novel you both likes.

It was so.. cute, you thought. However, you didn't realize that you were projecting those images as hopes onto yourself and it'd lead you to breaking down if you weren't aware.

You push the pillow away from your face, shifting into a side-lying position. A smile remains ever-present on your lips. You breathe in and out slowly, then closed your eyes, it's literally five in the morning and you haven't sleep.

"Have a good sleep, Ellie,"

Ugh, you did not.

Two months down the line. Returning home from Sophie's holiday house was quite late, a full day after everyone else had left. You had the option to ride with Cassandra or take up Ellie's offer, but you were waiting for your mom, who had promised to pick you up. She didn't show up for four hours, then she texted you that she would be a bit late, and you ended up waiting her until the next afternoon.

You've called her phone countless times, but she never answers. You can't turn to your dad for help either, as he's been in Greece for three months. And your brother? He would never waste his time just for drive ten hours from his place to Sophie's home and then take you to your apartment.

So, how did you managed to get home?

Ellie came back the next night after Sophie mentioned you to her. You were overwhelmed with guilt for having declined her offer to drive you home the day before, especially since she returned just to take you home, facing a five-hour drive. She knew you weren't really in a mood after waiting literally a night for your mom who texted you that she couldn't pick you up after you were already with Ellie. She knew that. That's why she made a stop at convenience store, bought a lot of foods and drinks before taking you to the closest beach for some relaxation.

You've been getting along with Ellie. Ever since the day she made sure you got home safely by driving you home, there hasn't been a day without texting, talking, and even meeting up with her. And indeed, for heaven's sake, she made you fall deeper for her, more than ever. The way she acts around you, the way she talked to you, the way she is paying her attention at you every time you tell her your story. She really keeps your hopes still high.

She always asks you to go out at least three or four nights a week, and you've never said no. After all, it's not a waste of time when the girl you have a crush on—the same one you always comment on her posts—is asking you out. Every time you went out with her, she was incredibly sweet, as if you were girlfriends. But sometimes, she'd leaving you too soon, she would be saying sorry because she had an emergency. And it wasn't just once. But you didn't mind at all since she still brought you out to any places.

Ellie would purchase everything for you; even when you babbled thoughtlessly, she would disappear for a bit and come back with an item you had mentioned in her hand. You have always warned her against purchasing such items without your consent-literally all the time, and although she agreed, she never heard your warning.

"I swear to God, Ellie. I just told you an hour ago to not buy me some things I babbled about!"

She smiled, "Oh.. really?" you scoffed, couldn't hide the smile from your lips, "You're smiling."

"Shut up, Williams!"

A couple weeks had gone by, you started to questioning yourself about what were you to her? Girlfriend? Or were you just trapped in situationship? The worse, you were only a friend to her. You couldn't find the answer. It seems like she might have the same feelings towards you. She made you flustered, made you felt like you were the luckiest person alive. On the other hand, she never mentioned what relationship you both are in right now. You couldn't even tell if you were deserve to feel hurt or not.

Despite everything, you know how to pretend you're fine when you're hurt, right..?

Now go back to the present, you found yourself resting your head on Ellie's shoulder, half-watching the netflix show on the TV. Instead of watching the show, you were busy on your own thoughts. Confused. Who are you to her? Just friends? Situationship? You knew it too well, it felt like you can call her as yours but in reality you were not.

"Everything's alright?" Ellie interrupted your thoughts as she spoke. You nodding your head in response, lied. And unfortunately you weren't good at hiding expressions. She can feel that you were far from alright.

"Are you sure?" she asked, paused the show. Then she pinched your cheeks, leaving you laughing and grabbing her wrists as you pleaded with her to stop, "You know, you can tell me if there's anything wrong. I'll help you," she added, her fingers stopped pinching your cheeks now.

You chuckled, "That's so nice of you, Williams. But trust me, nothing's wrong now."

You keep resting your head on her shoulder, your gaze wandering around her apartment. Three minutes later, you find yourself sinking back into your daydreams. About someday, when you both are older, these moments would be the things you always laugh about over the tea every morning while Ellie watching the news.

"It was so funny back then,"

"Yeah! Oh, remember when you drove me home but the you stopped at the beach!"

You huffed, realizing once more that it was all just a dream.

"Ellie," you called her name all of the sudden, with you playing with your fingers, "Yeah?"

"Do you ever... believe that if we were patient enough to wait someone we had a crush on, they'll coming to you?" you don't know, why the question was suddenly came out from your mouth.

She hummed at first, and laughed, "No.. I guess. Because, what if you were already waiting them patiently but apparently they weren't the one for you?"

You went silent, she tilted her head to you, "Why did you asked suddenly though? Did someone caught your attention for a while and you're waiting for them?" and you nods.

"Who?"

'It's you, dumbass.' you secretly rolled your eyes.

"I won't tell you," you sigh out, "I've been waiting them for these past 5 months, and for God's sake, she's too hard for me to reach!" you slammed your hands into your thighs, inviting her laugh.

"It's almost half of a year, and you still waiting?" you nods to her question, biting your lower lip and avoiding her gaze. You heard her letting out a heavy sigh, "What if they never come to you? As if their love were never gonna come either?"

You froze, losing all your words. Why was she asked you like she knew you were talking about her?

Thereafter her phone buzzed leading Ellie quickly flipped her phone like she doesn't want you to curious, "I'm going out for at least ten minutes, you don't mind?"

And who are you to said no and pleaded to stay here? You were her guest on her house, nothing more like that. In the end you answered okay, almost whispered.

You were spying her through the corner of your eye as she walked out onto the balcony and closed the door. You could see her from inside when she walked back and forth with a big grin on her face, occasionally laughing. You really wanted to know what was going on, what the conversation was about that made her laugh so freely. But you knew your boundaries; you weren't supposed to ask her personal questions.

At one time she talked too loud you could even hear it from where you sit, "You'll come back? You're kidding, right? I swear to God, Emma, I missed you so much!"

Wait, who's Emma?

Ellie looked so excited on conversation with someone she just called Emma. From what you've heard through friends, Ellie didn't have many friends, and they mentioned only Jesse, Dina, Aimee, Chloe, and Sophie when you first confessedyour feelings about Ellie to them. So.. who's Emma then?

What if she were Ellie's girlfriend? No, there's no fucking way. Five months ago your friends said she was single, so that.. can't be. You immediately get rid all your negative thoughts about the girl Ellie mentioned on her phone call.

Enough staring her too long and overthinking. You shrugged your shoulders, act like you didn't care at all, 'I shouldn't think about this.. No. Please, please, please, try to think how sweet Ellie when she's with me..'

You changed the show into the romance one, you cannot stop smiling, you dream up if those romance scenes you watched right now was you and Ellie. The thought from you think about when you were couldn't sleep at Sophie's holiday house came back, 'Will Ellie ever open up about her feelings for me?'

It was so dumb. Do you ever think like that? The answer is yes, but who cares?

Your phone buzzed, and as you glanced at the screen, a notification was displayed.

911 sophie

hiiiii babe let me tell u i'm at aimee's rn

You

helllooooo what r u doing w her?

911 sophie

aimee was about to inviting you to her house tonight, and the others too. but her phone was DEAD RN she's planning on making a whole fucking meal like.. for 6 people??!! anyway wya???? she told me to buy some foodstuff at supermarket but i'll be fucking bored if im alone since she cant go out she's too busy with her other food creation or idk whatever she called it sooooo do you want to accompany me say yes i'll pick you up RIGHT NOW

You chuckled as you saw her text. Aimee was definitely too focused on what's her doing right now. You could tell how bored Sophie was there.

You

does she invite ellie too? anw pick me up pleaseeee ms. torres;))) at ellie's house love u!

Your gaze went to Ellie's, seems like she already finished the call. It's been 4 hours since you got here, and maybe it's enough for today even though you haven't finished the show you're currently watching.

911 Sophie

yeah she invited ellie too why? huh you were at what??? ellie?? GIRL HOW

You

mmmm i'll tell u later ;p JUST PICK ME UP ALREADY

911 sophie

OH CMON okay i'll be there in 10 xo

You paused the TV show and rose from the couch, reaching for your sling bag on the floor. At the same time Ellie, had came back from the balcony, you could tell how good her mood is by her smile.

"Where are you going?" she asked, noticing that you had already slung your bag over your shoulder. She made her way over to you, her fingers were scratching her back neck.

"I… Uh… Sophie asked me to go out for buy some foodstuff.." you pointing your thumb to behind before falling silent for a moment. "Is… is it okay if I leave now?" you ask, feeling a wave of regret wash over you immediately after, cursing on yourself for even questioning why she wouldn't be okay with you leaving.

'God, I'm so weird!'

"Oh… Okay," Ellie glanced back before turning her head to stare at you, "I was about to leave as well. Where will she meet you? And maybe I can drive you—"

You cut her off, shaking your head, "Actually… she said she'll pick me up here in ten minutes." Ellie nodded in response, her mouth forming an 'O'. She made her steps into her bedroom after she smiled at you and came back with her wearing her green jacket.

Your other side was sooo curious. Where is she going? Why did she smile so happily after the call? And what made her so excited during the call earlier? Will she be with someone, or will she be alone? You don't know, and you want to know. You really want to know. Curiosity inside you feels like started to eat you up. You immediately shook your head, pushing away your curiosity. You started talking to yourself in a really low voice, as if you hadn't said anything, "I should stop doing that."

"Ellie, I…" you were staring at her as she hummed, her gaze was met yours, "I think I'm gonna wait on the front porch." You were about to make your way to the front door, but her hand grabbing your wrist stopped you. "Ellie?"

Your eyes locked on hers; her expression was different from a minute ago. It was... guilty? Sad? You couldn't even tell. What's going on now? Was this related to her call minutes ago?

"I just... want to say sorry,"

You tilted your head. Seriously, what's going on?

"So, did you mean she was saying sorry to you without explain everything?"

Now, you were in Aimee's kitchen with Sophie, picking up the conversation that had been put on hold hours earlier. Aimee was in her bathroom, and here it's only you and Sophie whereas the rest on the dining room. You did tell her everything what happened today, once you asked her who's Emma, but Sophie wasn't sure if she know that girl because Ellie never told her about Emma. You already asked Aimee too, and all she said was, "I think I've heard that name.. I don't know." they literally left you all disappointed.

"I was about to ask her why she was apologizing to me, but I couldn't because you came to pick me up," you said, rolling your eyes at Sophie, which was followed by laughter from both of you.

"Whoa, so it was my fault, young lady?" her tone was changed along with the tip of her lips moved down shaping like upside-down 'U', "Maybe she did something wrong and you didn't notice it. Don't take this seriously because I'm just trying to speculate."

You scoffed at Sophie, "I don't know, Sophie. As far as I remember, she didn't do anything wrong that would make me mad or upset," you said, turning your shoulders down and positioning the knife between the apple slices you had cut earlier.

"Try to ask later, babe. I'm pretty sure she'll tell you later," Sophie placed her hand on your shoulder, before she moved to your left side. You gave her a disagreement gesture, huffed so loudly, made her expression was changed in seconds.

"She haven't talk to me since she arrived here, Soph," head down as you resting your hands to the counter surface, "What?"

You huffed once again. Indeed, Ellie hadn't spoken to you or even glanced your way since she arrived. It was as if you had done something to pissed her off, but you hadn't. She didn't text or call you like she always did after you left her apartment, the last message was when you told her you were already at her house. You were too desperate to find an answer or even to asking her. She seemed like a different person, completely changed from when she last spoke to you hours ago.

You both went back to dining room, sitting right next to each other while Ellie was sitting in front of you. She didn't give you a single glance, as if you weren't there. It's not like what she did when the night at Sophie's holiday house back then. She checked her phone every 10 minutes like she's waiting something important.

Your eyes were never left her gestures during the dinner. Even when your friends tried to talk to you, you just answered them briefly because you weren't in the mood to talk. Twenty minutes later, Ellie excuses herself and leaves everyone else, including you. She takes her steps to the kitchen. You see her hiding her smile by biting her lip.

Does she even realize you're here?

"Is everything okay?" asked Chloe, sitting next to you. "You seem a bit off, and I noticed Ellie haven't been talking to you either. Is there something wrong between you two?" she moved her chair so she can move closer to you.

"We're fine," you claim, but it's not entirely true. You might be pretending, yet you're actually okay with Ellie since you've never argued before. Chloe grunts, sensing the dishonesty in your words.

"I know you're lying. C'mon, you can be honest with—"

You shake your head, you don't want this conversation to continue too far. Enough for tonight. "We're really fine, Chloe. Believe me."

Chloe nods, she's back to her position, "Okay then. But still, tell me—no, I mean, please tell us if something's wrong with you two, we can help."

You excused yourself to the bathroom, but Ellie's voice in the kitchen halted your steps. You never realized what are you doing in front of the bathroom door, until you found yourself leaning on the wall right next to the kitchen where you heard her voice. She sounded so happy, laughs between her words, saying jokes that she had already told you.

The ache in your heart was undeniable. Who could she be talking to on the phone? Emma, perhaps?

You bite your lower lip, your hands wiping away the tears that threaten to fall from your eyes. You enter the bathroom and sit on the toilet, head bowed.

"Why does it hurt so much? I'm just her friend, right?"

Right, you had no right to be jealous or hurt when Ellie never thought about you being her girlfriend even though she treated you like one.

The next day, neither Ellie nor you started the conversation on messages like you two always did every morning. It felt so empty to you as you woke up and didn't find any signs of Ellie texting you.

You did your morning routine as usual without giggles and smiles. Everything went too quiet. You didn't mumbled or even talking to voice notes that you'e always sent to Ellie.

As night fell, time passed quietly. You didn't venture out, choosing instead to isolate yourself from the world, turned on the do not disturb mode on your phone even though Ellie hadn't sent any messages. The conversation remained where it was left off yesterday morning.

You couldn't resist the urge to text her, yet it all seemed no use when you deleted every word you were about to send.

You walked back and forth in your bedroom, hand holding the phone as your fingers scrolling through TikTok. None of the videos you watched, all you did was scroll and scroll, not really in a mood though but you were bored. Really bored.

Fingers stopped as you saw the profile picture, recognizing it too well, more than your own profile picture. It wasn't a video, but photos with a song called 'The Perfect Pair'. You knew who the figure in the photo was: auburn hair, sitting in the driver's seat, wearing the same jacket you saw yesterday, and the gray baseball cap she always wears.

Your eyes caught the other figure: long wavy ginger hair, sitting in the passenger seat, her hand holding the person you recognized before. God, your heart was beating faster than you could pant.

Slowly you sit on the floor, leaning onto your side bed.

You saw the caption, 'Soft launch' with some hashtag she always put in there. And the user she tagged, @/user3291emms.

That was the time you felt like something crashed your heart and broke into hundreds pieces. You know if you were too curious, you'll get the consequences. You opened the comment section, there was she commented on her own post, 'Welcome back to Boston, sweetheart.'

You feel like you're the most foolish girl who ever lived. Suddenly, you remember something that you had forgotten when you had a conversation face to face with Chloe.

"I heard from Dina, Ellie had been talking to someone for a while, the girl named Emma or something."

You didn't listen to Chloe that day because you were too busy adoring Ellie, who was playing her guitar far from you. You cursed yourself, mind repeating all those moments you always thought it meant nothing to you and her. All those moments became signs that Ellie wasn't the one.

The moment when she excused herself in the middle of UNO games, the moment when she always left too soon after she took you out, the moment when she was on the call on the balcony and she got too excited. The moment she was about to go, she was going to pick up Emma from the airport. And when she left the dinner party earlier than others, she was going on a date with Emma.

You were crying so hard, you put your phone right beside you while you buried your face between your arms.

"How could I not see the signs?" you spoke between your tears.

The voices in your head were right; you never learned anything from the past. Now, the voices were telling you why did you always ignore the signs. Because you were too busy loving someone, which led you to forget the worst-case scenario if they weren't loving you as you did to them.

Maybe you'll finally learn your lesson.

You sit there alone on the bench, at the park that Ellie always used to take you. Eyes never leaving two figures from afar, they seemed having fun on their own. Ellie hugging Emma tightly, giving her a lot of kisses while laughing at something. Thoughts of imagining if Emma were you came, which immediately you push away.

Ellie never texted you again or called you, or even talking to you, and you were trying to get used to it. Every single day, you tried to resist the urge to check the messages that had started to be abandoned.

You smiled slightly, you stood and picking up your bag, ready to leaving the park soon. Taking a small step into the exit.

You didn't know, Ellie noticed your existence right after she's done hugging Emma. Her eyes locked on your gestures, she didn't move even for an inch. As you get up from the bench, she did the same thing like she was about to take her step to you.

Oh, she did it anyway. Your wallet dropped without your knowledge. Ellie told Emma to wait for a minute and hurried over to you. She picked up your wallet and noticed the Polaroid of you and her from when she took you to the beach before. Something stirred in her chest as she wondered why you still held onto the Polaroid despite her having hurt you by avoiding you like a completely stranger.

"Hey, your wallet dropped," she tapped your shoulder twice, before you turned around.

You were surprised, Ellie was right standing in front of you. After all these months of being a stranger to each other, she showed up suddenly. You cleared your throat, took the wallet immediately, and put it in your bag. "Thanks," you said.

Everything went quiet again between you two, none of you were talking or leaving.

You felt like the goodbye was screaming in the silence. You seeing the visions of the past, maybe you just got her longing glances while Emma got her rings. You huffed, doesn't know if this was the last time you'd see her or not.

"Ellie," her smile disappeared as you called her name.

"Is it okay if I tell you that I still love you even though we haven't talk since Emma came to Boston? I'm sorry, Ellie. But I couldn't bear my feelings," you confessed to her, all those words just out from your mouth.

With furrowed eyebrows, she averted her gaze before fixing it on yours. "And would it be too late if I told you that I haven't been able to stop thinking about you for these past few months, even after avoiding you? God, I wish I could have told you sooner."

Your eyes widened. Just before you could say something, she left, leaving you all alone with her words lingering in your mind until God knows when.

a/n: i made this because i just found out that the girl that i had a crush on for months already have a girlfriend <3 (i've been crying nonstop) ANYWAY big thanks to taylor swift for the names <33333

[carlyraejepsans]

Hey, if you don’t mind the question. What’s your opinion on Undertale Yellow?

8/10 game. pretty good at being a game, not so much at being an undertale story. the gameplay itself was fun, the area/puzzle designs too, the soundtrack was untouchable it literally gave me the same rush i felt hearing sburb initiation for the first time. minor NPCs designs were fun but the primary cast was too monotonous, tbh. (all the main characters have tall gangly very detailed designs save for like, axis). its attempts at landing Undertale's humor were quite often successful, but it held back on exaggeration and caricaturing its original characters which took away that oomph from the canon game. the character writing was... lacking. which is a pity.

i love fucked up women so i was really disappointed that every single one of ceroba's actions/ideas/influences on the story were nothing but an extension of her dead husband. when you take chujin away she's just... A Good Wife and Mother. or starlo's past love interest ig. i mean both dalv and martlet's backstory were tied to her family and we never see them interact at all. but they do have an established dynamic.... with the dead husband. again. UGH. she's just really wasted as a character (she and chujin should've BOTH been scientists and she should've continued the project AGAINST his wishes after he died. she's the main cast character, she should be the driving force in the narrative, not him—even if chujin sets the plot in montion by inventing the serum first).

I'm not a huge asgore fan—not that i dislike him, he's just not a character i care about all that much—so congrats to this game for making me say "he would NOT fucking say that". the "fuck the royals" subplot thing was really unnecessary. actually, that was a bit of a recurring thing in the game. suddenly introducing these Huge Social Dilemmas like labor exploitation, anti-monarchic sentiments, misogyny (bro who on earth "needs to take a wife" this is Undertale) everyone realizing that clover is a child, over exaggerating the violence at stake... while also attempting to maintain Undertale's careless, bouncy treatment of the situation. that's... not how things work. undertale is able to maintain its light tone BECAUSE it doesn't let you take those topics seriously, they're not meant to be. the fairytale-like king, the battles, the child protagonist, they're all set dressings for the REAL story and REAL power imbalance it wants to highlight: that between player and game characters. everything is in function of that. you take that layer of separation and make everyone aware that theyre violently attacking and killing a literal child... that's not. a good thing dude. if it's not gonna impact the tone of the story, why acknowledge it in the first place? it's just unnecessary

anyway flowey neutral run was really, really fun. his dialogue writing all throughout the game was very solid and i had a blast having him around. however, they shouldn't have tried to anticipate his character development. this game is a prequel, you can't do that without undermining his arc in the canon events. pacifist should've had him doubling down on his frustration from the neutral ending. i do all this work for you keeping you alive and you make the same mistake i did sacrifice yourself for them??? are you BRAINDEAD???? what I'm saying is he basically should've thrown the biggest tantrum of his LIFE. oh and in the NM run he should've been terrified when he lost control of the SAVE file. this is the first time it's ever happened to him and now he's gonna die for good. he wouldn't have gloated like he did.

if you want to hear more criticism along the lines of what i said then this post by the fantastic @andreabandrea covers a lot of what i also felt during the game. i know this might sound like a lot of negativity, but the fact remains that UTY was an absolutely phenomenal work of fan creativity the likes of which we have never seen before in the fandom. considering the quality and polish, i thought it only fair to approach it as the piece of art it is and give it my genuine thoughts on the matter.

overall, still a really fun way to spend the afternoon with a pal. so. thumbs up

[fiamat12]

LUKOLA STATUS: THEORIES

I agree with much of the theory linked above and don't think any of it is far-fetched since celebrity reputations are critical, esp. admist promo for a big-time TV show. A few things I'd like to add, w/ a bit of a different take:

1) N might've been dating someone, too, when L was dating A. (Maybe E, casually? For those of you who don't buy E, it could've been anyone w/how private N is). I also don't think L ever let it get serious w/A (although monogamous), knowing he'd reunite w/N for the WT, because even in the early days (Jan. & Feb.) you could see he was still down bad for N. I do think L was unsure, however, of where they stood since N was likely the one who asked to separate (& maybe was seeing someone else) and needed to know he still had a chance - although if he didn't (but why wouldn't he - they're soulmates), I don't think he & A would've lasted. I also think he distanced himself from A as early as after their March LA trip...

2) I don't necessarily see A as a villain out to ruin a rel. btwn L & N. Idk that, at first, A realized what she was up against; if the theory is correct, L & N were separated, so A hadn't seen them interact, nor had S3 been released w/their obvious chemistry on display. She'd watched fan edits of S1-2 & literally said F' it, but that was nothing compared to what was unleashed btwn L & N in S3 (both onscreen & off) that she hadn't seen. I'm quite certain L didn't divulge to A when he & N rekindled bts so I can see A being confused & desperate to hold on. I'm not sure that A threatened L but, rather, perhaps was loose lipped or took it upon herself to post her & L on sm, at which point L had to reign her in lest rumors abound. (Side note: I'm conflicted abt the Instyle stunt & if Luke participated in coordinating it 🤔)

3) I agree that L & N always had a plan to come back together (ahem, the claddagh promise ring), but perhaps it took longer than expected w/the negative media storm after papgate (which I do believe was unplanned) and L's entire friend group acting unhinged. I also agree that L has had an arrangement to help A by appearing w/her publicly for a bit, before breaking it off and this - a) protects N from being brandished a homewrecker and - b) distracts from his rel. w/N for their own privacy. I'm not sure he would tell A of his intent, but seeing as she could infer much of it, an NDA had to have been signed at some point.

4) I'm unsure how much L & N have been in touch since papgate. I think the narrative they're playing out is that L was dating A, realized it was a mistake, broke up/is breaking up w/her and upon S4 filming or so, will start a reunite w/N. I think N began a soft launch w/her love song posts, but had to take a step back when L received negative backlash (again!) about his HBS after his stylist's post. And I think N's appearances w/JD are to take the heat off of L. Do I think L & N have been seeing each other more than they let on? Yes... maybe even prior to the love songs, as I believe the public narrative is different than what's going on bts. And that's ok. It's their relationship, and they will come out if & when they choose 😊

What are your thoughts??? Theories???

ALSO, always possible: I could be totally wrong, and both L & N could be dating completely different people or no one. But I still believe they are soulmates & endgame 👫

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

MAC HI don't mind me i just finished the genloss founders cut and im putting my ful lreview in ur inbox bc u said u weren't gonna watch it i think but i want 2 share my thoughts with someone who will not rip me to shreds for criticizing it even slightly <3

OK. I'M NOT GONNA LIE. IT KINDA SLAPPED. maybe i just think it was really good in comparison to the original four hours of streams that dragged on. i honestly thought the original streams of genloss were longer but NO all three streams add up to about four hours???? it just felt so much longer when i originally watched it i guess!!! u can understand why i am sure. but the founders cut was like two and a half and oh my goddddd cutting out a lot of it made such a huge difference. holy shit. like i definitely did get bored and skip through a little bit but honestly i didn't skip through much!! every time i got to a part where i was like "oh fuck not THIS bit that goes on for 30-45 minutes god dammit" it ended up being like maybe ten minutes at most which was SUCH A GODSEND. i am delighted to report that they cut the half hour cooking bit in the first episode down to like 7-8 minutes <3 the best surprise ranboo could have given me tbh. like with the way things were cut down and framed differently i actually laughed at a couple points????? WILD. did not think i would find any genuine comedy here. lowkey there were points that were funny. insane

honestly with the unfunny bits being cut down, it actually let the slightly more serious lore bits shine more, and the payoff for when it got to the third episode felt SO much more deserved. like. the original streams i'd probably give a 3/10 collectively and that's being generous but i would unironically say the founder's cut deserves like a 7/10. maybe a 7.5 if i found it in myself to ignore the bad special effects. (there was still plenty of bad comedy ngl i still don't know why charlie slimecicle's face was superimposed on a towel. that scene was nothing. it was literally nothing. they could have removed it and it would change nothing but they kept it in idk why)

ANYWAY. if they had released genloss like this first maybe i would unironically be a fan of it now. tbh. i would still be making fun of the bad comedy and the horror that was barely horror but i think i would actually be like participating in the fandom a lil and i would probably find it in me to find some charm in the bad special effects. all in all Not Bad!! not good, but not like actively bad. ofc im still running on the adrenaline of the ending because episode 3 was objectively the best out of them all so maybe my perception is skewed but. kinda decent. 7/10 👍 anyway i hope ur havin a good day i hope to finish pd season one soon over the next couple days!!!!!

taking the cowards route and putting my thoughts under the cut bc a lot of my mutuals these days really enjoy genloss and i don't want them to be mad at me

(genloss crit/neg/whatever under the cut)

dude this makes me so unironically sad . why the FUCK was genloss what it was the first time around when this was obviously the better route to go from the very beginning. I am still staunchly in my "I don't like genloss" position but. I DID WATCH IT. i sat through ALL of the original streams and it was so miserable for me. im not going 2 watxh the directors cut or whatever bc i dont hate myself enough to sit through all of that again but i trust your opinion!! if only it would've been planned out thought out prerecorded videos from the start I also probably would not hate it as much as I do!!! maybe I even would've liked it !!! (<< not likely bc i do have Other Issues with it than just the fact that it was too long too unfunny too unfocused etc whatever im getting into hater territory sorry. always welcome 2 genloss fans to try to explain to my why its Good Actually so i can recommend them actual horror media)

like . the streams added absolutely NOTHING to it other than that final choice scene or whatever. and even if they wanted to do that still u know what would've been an awesome smart choice??? prerecord and edit the whole thing and then premiere THAT video on twitch- then when it comes time for the final choice you can still have people vote!! then you can have two separate endings prepared based on which way the vote was swaying. like. its that easy. it would've made the whole experience so much more enjoyable . ughhghghg the fucking wasted potential on HOURS of unfunny badly improvved bits is so devastating

personally I still cant excuse the bad effects considering the amount of times ranboo bragged about the genloss budget like. maybe you should've used your resources better and also if it would've just been prerecorded from the start things wouldn't look as rushed as they did but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what do I know !!

anyway I'm so glad this version was better but for me it will always ALWAYS be tainted by the . misery I felt while watching the streams lmaoooo . I wanted to like genloss so bad. I tried so hard. head in hands !!!!!!!!!!!

[laurasbailey]

hey, sorry to come out of nowhere with this, feel free to ignore! just wanted to get a bit of perspective on the c3 negativity i've been seeing for so long, which i've tried and failed to avoid and has been bumming me out more than i would like. this is my first campaign, it has brought me so much joy and company, but every time i end up reading a deeply negative take i can't really shake off the feeling that they're actually right, cause some of it makes sense to me and i can't unsee that. i know i'm being paranoid about it and truly setting myself up to be miserable and ruin the whole thing, which at this point i might've already done, but i just get sad wishing i could've had experienced the things everyone raves about (like different pacing and a lot of RP) for this campaign, which i'm so close to. do you think c3 is actually, objectively, worse or shallower than the previous ones? is there truth to the criticism (about it being too plot-driven, about the characters making each other worse and not being a good fit for this story, about the cast not being as into it and so on) or is the internet being the internet, and i should basically touch grass? it's not like i would drop it, honestly, i'm just sad thinking about how this story and these characters could've worked out if the "quality" was the one i keep seeing everyone talk about in regards to c1/c2. i know it's not that deep and it shouldn't matter in the long run, i'm just struggling a bit to not give in to the negativity and wanted to get your take on it, as someone's who's navigated this fandom longer! and again, truly sorry for the unprompted rant and thanks in general for being cool and taking the time to make gifs and recaps :)

you said it's brought you joy and company and it's seeing the negativity that's starting to ruin it, which is, honestly and sadly, a common thing that happens in online fandoms. negativity will bring the mood down regardless, because it just spirals into further misery. personally i stopped looking at fandom opinions and i've been a lot happier ever since! half the stuff you've said in here i've never heard before, that's how off the grid i am now lmao.

to answer your question, no, i don't think c3 is necessarily "worse" because, while people are entitled to their opinion, i think that's such a lazy, basic ass way of looking at it. also i just don't think a dnd game with people who are storytellers for a living can be shallow unless that's their goal, quite frankly. are there aspects of c3 i dislike? of course! but the same is true for all campaigns. there were parts of c2 i thought were very weak, despite the entire internet praising it like the second coming of jesus. there are things i think c3 does better than c2, even. and there are things c1 does better than both c2 and c3, and so on.

do i like that most of the campaign has been bells hells vs. a ticking clock? not really, it does mean certain sacrifices are made. do certain characters get on my last nerve? absolutely (but that's not exclusive to c3 lmao). at the same time though, i get the three women front and centre of the main plot, which has never happened before. i get a laura/marisha character romance after watching them have great chemistry for years. i get c1-level stakes and fantastic female npcs/villains, which c2 was mostly lacking. i get ashley full time (!!!) coming out of her shell and being her best and most chaotic self. and i get SO MUCH of the c1 characters? i'm fucking spoiled if you ask me.

maybe some of the criticism is very real and warranted (again, haven't seen it and don't plan to) but at the end of the day, this isn't my game of dnd or yours or any of the viewers'. we are literally watching other people play an improv game where they're crying one minute and making dick jokes the next, you just have to be along for the ride. going into the campaign with certain expectations is really silly and critiquing it the way you would a tv show just doesn't work. also unless these people are friends with the cast and speaking to them irl, how could they possibly know they aren't enjoying it as much like be serious 💀

i'm gonna be so honest here: idk if the people who are constantly spouting negativity are just miserable, but they sure look it! also stupid! why? because normal people who hate something simply ✨ stop watching and move on ✨. sure, hatewatching can be fun if you and your friends are in someone's living room or discord call shooting the shit, but doing it online day after day after day? honestly i just feel sorry for those people. happy people do not spend their time throwing essays worth of negativity up for the big wide world to see! how do i know this? because i was that person in my teens and i was severely unlikeable!

if you've enjoyed something without the bias of someone else's opinion, then you've enjoyed it! but your opinion can also change as the campaign goes, that can also be true! i would be interested to hear the reasons you loved it initially, because i think you'll find that most of that core stuff is present in all three campaigns.

the recent plot of c3 has been more stressful than any plot in previous campaigns, so understandably people have big feelings. my advice: the block button is your friend but so is the follow button! criticism is healthy, find people who deliver it in a way that's not some whiny entitled baby. letting someone else's opinion influence yours will never make you happy.

[whatbigotspost]

Oh this advice that just randomly came across my Twitter feed is very very good

I’d be lying to you if I claimed I have “beaten” overthinking bc I’ll be managing those tendencies forever I think. but over probably a 15 year process I, too, have adopted many of these and my mental health is in a pretty damn good place utilizing these tools.

Especially important for me as a survivor of mental/emotional child abuse has been FACT CHECKING and understanding what I’m ruminating on likely isn’t reality if no one else has heard it yet, it’s merely “the story I am telling myself.”

The voice of my particular inner critic is my father’s judgements, lies, and paranoia. As I’ve written about many times before the poison he dripped in my ears for 18 years made me feel like I’ll never be good enough and made it super hard to trust the good intentions of other people. Meaning, the disposition I inherited against my consent is overly negative. Many people like and even love me but I interact with them while having a bias baked into me that is against myself and assumes they are against me too (until I consciously push back against that mindset.)

I’ve worked really hard to confront and quiet that inner critic and it doesn’t nearly drive me as much anymore as it used to and as I always ramble about a self-compassion approach is my jam. Nevertheless, the biggest way the inner critic impacts me day-to-day is that if I interact w/ someone and for whatever reason real or imagined, I feel like they sounded even a teensie bit like that inner critic come to life, it can REALLY fuck with me. I feel exposed and worthless. Sometimes I can fact check myself and recognize “that’s not what was happening, this is a YOU thing.” I do that by literally walking myself through a memory and trying to focus on what was really said or done and not what I have catastrophized it to be.

But other times when I’m spinning out baaaad and overthinking something maybe even for days (aka when I’m hella triggered), I literally tell people involved (who I know well enough) something like “hey remember back when XYZ happened between us well it’s triggering all my personal bullshit so I wanted to just ask, when you said blah blah, did you mean [insert my own insecurity] because the story I’m telling myself…” etc etc you get it.

AND!!!! THIS!!! works sooooo well. It’s vulnerable but honest and anyone worth spending time around is always so happy to clear up that they don’t hate me 😂 Finding phrases like “the story I’m telling myself” have been a revelation. Used this at work last week and went from “I have irreparably failed this person and am worthless” to “oh they actually had a super important idea to add to the project that I’m so glad they brought up so that I didn’t miss it.” I don’t know it’s nice to remind ourselves that instead of overthinking something that involved other people (who we trust) we can so often just TALK TO THEM.

Let me end on this though…..be very very cautious of attempting to fact check with someone whose own perspective might be divergent from reality, who is manipulative, or who is solely or largely self serving. Years ago when I still spoke to my dad not long before we stopped speaking and I tried to fact check what was said in an argument the resulting experience for me was MUCH WORSE than if I would have never approached him.

Aaaaanyway…overthinking sucks. These tips are great.

[doll-elvis]

Do you consider the memphis mafia trustworthy sources on Elvis? Idk if I always believe some of the stuff they’ve said about elvis

thank you so much for this ask!! I have way too much to say about this topic, therefore I apologize in advance for how long this is 🤧

firstly I think it’s important to clarify who the Memphis Mafia actually consisted of: based on what they themselves have said, it was Red West, Sonny West, Alan Fortas, Marty Lacker, Lamar Fike, and Billy Smith

I was confused why people like Jerry Schilling, Charlie Hodge, Joe Esposito, Larry Geller, George Klein, etc. etc. weren’t technically considered Memphis Mafia until I learned that Elvis’ entourage were categorized into two groups, the Memphis Mafia, and the others

I also really recommend for every fan to read Alanna Nash’s “Elvis and the Memphis Mafia” which is just an oral history from Billy Smith, Marty Lacker, and Lamar Fike

and then to watch the documentary, it is 5 hours but it’s so worth it, I’ve literally rewatched it at least 8 times at this point because it’s my favorite Elvis documentary 😩!!

I also want to say if you are going to read from one of them, you should try to read from all of them because they all have their own unique experience with Elvis and therefore all have their own viewpoints/opinions and biases *which is why it’s important to cross reference between them

For example in the Alanna Nash book there are several instances where Lamar Fike, Marty Lacker and Billy Smith all have a different opinion on something and you basically have to decide for yourself which one you agree with

I’m just going to be breaking down each Memphis Mafia member, as I’ve been fortunate enough to read each of their books, and say if I think they are trustworthy sources:

Lamar Fike: Personally, I think he is one of Memphis Mafia members that you really have to be cautious about. If y’all didn’t know he was Albert Goldman’s main source for that horrible book, “Elvis”. In Alanna Nash’s book, Lamar Fike spends a good majority of the time disagreeing with everything Goldman wrote, and said that Goldman would twist his words and retell things to fit his own agenda. He said “even though I was one of his main sources, and shared in the royalties, I couldn’t control Albert”. He admitted he did the book for money which is why I lost respect for Lamar because he knew that Albert was saying things that weren’t true and that the book’s main purpose was to make Elvis look bad. I would also be cautious of Lamar because he tends to twist reality just a little bit and over exaggerate things. For example whenever he tells the story of Elvis and Priscilla meeting, he always says that it was he who introduced them “Elvis this is Priscilla, Priscilla this Elvis”. But no one else who was in the room has told it that way, Lamar just inserted himself into the scene (he also once said she was 13 when we obviously know she was 14). So yeah I would really recommend to cross reference everything Lamar says before believing it. He just tells things in a really blunt (and lowkey funny💀) way, which makes it interesting insight, but from what I have also seen he is more than willing to exaggerate things just to be able to tell a “better” story

Marty Lacker: I really really enjoy reading his viewpoint and his book is one of my favorites out of the bunch however I think he too often lets his own biases affect his story telling. This man really really really hated Priscilla 😭 So much so that every time he talked about her it was in a negative light. I’m not saying Priscilla is perfect, she has done many things I don’t agree with, however, none of these men knew what it was like to be in her shoes so I’m just wary of them placing so much blame on her when she was so young, and I find that Marty can be a little unsympathetic in that regard (but again I’m not saying that Priscilla hasn’t done things that deserve criticism). Also Marty Lacker wasn’t around in the late late 70s so I would just be cautious of anything he says about that time because he simply wasn’t there to know. But in general, beside his obvious biases, I would say he is a trustworthy source

Alan Fortas: He was the first Memphis Mafia member to pass away in 1992, we sadly didn’t get to hear too much from him, but I’m very grateful to have his book. Since he wasn’t around much in the late 60s and not at all in the 70s, his best stories come from the 50s and early-mid 60s. He provides a really unique insight especially when it comes to Priscilla and Elvis because he was more or less her chauffeur when she first came to the United States. He also knew Frances Forbes, Gloria Mowell, Heidi Heissen and Arlene Cogan and spends a decent chunk of his book talking about them. I can’t say it is in a way that looks good for Elvis because Alan really disagreed with those relationships, even though he said he knew nothing s*xual was going on, he genuinely couldn’t fathom why Elvis, who could have any woman he wanted, wanted to spend time with teenage girls, including Priscilla. But nothing in his book I found to be untrue and everything he says corresponds with what other has said, plus he has some really great stories about the movie-making times and his beloved chimpanzee, Scatter (I know it was Elvis’ technically but Alan was his real mom lmao) but I overall trust him as well

Red and Sonny West: I’m about to get controversial; I think these are two men, that as Elvis fans, we have been a little too critical of. It’s not fair to completely write off their experiences with Elvis just because of the book they did, which in retrospect, doesn’t say anything different from what the other Memphis Mafia men have said, it was just horribly timed. But I do want to clarify that I don’t support their decision on writing “Elvis: What happened” in 1977 and at the end of the day I will always support Elvis over anybody else. As for their credibility, Red West has one of the most important perspectives imo because he was literally the first Memphis Mafia member. He was with Elvis in highschool, in Germany, during the movies, during the comeback special, during Vegas, during the American tours, he only wasn’t there for the very last year of Elvis’ life. Unlike some of the other men here, he never stopped being with Elvis, except for of course the end. I have read the book he did in 1977 and I have watched tons of his interviews and I’ve personally never come across a story that wasn’t told/referenced by another Memphis Mafia member. I do think he is trustworthy in that sense but I think he has gotten very defensive in the past and is willing to throw Elvis under the bus in order to protect his image. I feel like it is the same thing with Sonny West. These men felt betrayed by Elvis, they got fired, and they both definitely harbored vengeful feelings for a while so you have to take that into account when listening to their stories. For example when they talked about how Elvis hired h00kers in the 1977 book they didn’t mention that they were also cheating on their wives and actually slept with the hired girls while Elvis only wanted to watch the girls simulate lesbian s*x. In that book especially, they often conveniently left out that they indulged in the same kind of behavior Elvis did. But with age, I think they both mellowed out and ultimately realized that they betrayed Elvis also, and they have both said they have regretted the book. The documentary I linked above really helped me understand their perspective more, and while things ended badly between Elvis and them, I do think both parties still cared about each other. So while both of their perspectives are very important (and I think Red was one of Elvis’ truest friends), I wouldn’t fully trust anything they have said until I checked another source to confirm

Billy Smith: He is sadly the only Memphis mafia member still with us and he still makes videos answering questions on the YouTube channels Elvis fans matter and Memphis Mafia kid. I really do enjoy reading Billy’s perspective and he is one of the few people who were with Elvis from the very beginning (childhood) to the very end. But Billy rarely actually went on tour with Elvis and he also wasn’t around for most of the movie time, so his best stories are about his times with Elvis at Graceland imo. They had such a special relationship and I think Billy was the closest thing Elvis had to a brother (y’all have to read about the oath he and Elvis took, it almost made me cry😭). However this man, like anyone, is not without his biases. When reading the Alanna Nash book you can see that Billy’s main purpose is to protect Elvis and the Smith family so much so that I think he denies some things solely because he believes it will make his family look bad. For example when in the book they talked about how Gladys may have had some Jewish blood in her, Billy Smith who is Gladys’ nephew, just shot that down right away. I didn’t think much of it until Billy Smith later on admitted in the book he was slightly prejudiced against black people and jewish people because of how he was raised. But that book was also in the 90s and I haven’t seen him speak in the way since so hopefully he has changed. This man really hated Priscilla, and especially hated Ginger, so take into account these biases as well. For example, in the Nash book, he was dead set on saying that Ginger called the national enquirer after Elvis passed away. Many fans believe this also but there is just no proof to support it. If you are someone who hates Ginger because you believe she called the enquirer (I did too at one point), I really recommend reading this https://elvisdecoded.com/2021/03/13/the-ginger-hit-job/

Another reason to be slightly cautious of Billy Smith is that his opinions have changed so much since the Alanna Nash book 😭 Like how I said he hated Priscilla and Ginger, that seems to be no longer the case, at least on his YouTube channel. I was so surprised when he praised them both in the YouTube video “Elvis’ relationship secret”. He even said Ginger was good for Elvis and that she loved him- I was shook because he hated her in the 90s!!! But anyways-I would say he is trustworthy and he was no doubt one of the dearest people to Elvis’ heart but it’s always good to take into account biases, and cross reference everything

To wrap this up- They have all told the good, the bad and the ugly, and as fans of Elvis it can be hard to accept the “bad and ugly”(like was he sometimes completely unreasonable, demanding, and temperamental? yes! but do we still love him? yes!) These guys just have such a unique perspective and we are truly lucky that they have opened up their lives with Elvis to us, even if it is stories that we necessarily don’t want to accept. But there is not a single doubt in my mind that all these men loved Elvis, despite what some of them have done, and that Elvis loved all these men. The documentary I linked above has made me cry every time I have watched it because they all cried in it and something about grown men crying just hits me different okay 😭

also if anybody read all this kudos to you, I’m sorry for typing so much lmao 😩💗

[georgiapeach30513]

You are awesome. I love your response to the one anon who talked about Ryan vs. Chris.

I’ve always felt there was a subset of tumblr “fans” or fans of gossip that live to snark and say rude things about Chris. Way before soba noodles came along. There are some popular blogs on here I detest and loathe because they’ve said some truly cruel things due their anger and disappointment in him but since others loved these blogs they would agree with them. I can’t understand the concept of following a fanbase on tumblr for a celeb just to sit there and post negatively about them to other people.

Ryan is a bankable star but are his movies really that quality? Is his acting really quality? I don’t know if I agree because six underground remains one of the worst movies I’ve seen in a while. He also reminds me of Deadpool in literally every movie I’ve seen him. However, I still find him funny and likeable usually so I’ll tune in occasionally to his stuff. He and Blake are cute but also sometimes annoying but it doesn’t bother me.

I agree that CE is going through a bit of a career rough patch but honestly? I think you can kind of say the same about other actors too.

For example, I think Chris pine had a bit of a rough go with his directing debut (panned by critics and audiences alike - roasted by everyone). Dungeons and dragons was well received but didn’t do too much at the box office. Same with WISH. Same with don’t worry darling.

All happened this past year and this year. But are Chris pine fans roasting him 24/7? I mean, I don’t really know but I don’t think to the extent of which Chris E’s fans are doing to him. They probably hope he will get more opportunities to shine and want the best for him. Because they are his FANS.

It’s not really about comparing likeminded actors but I think CE fans and former haters have really crossed serious lines and it sincerely bothers me. The comments they’re left on that ASP post - throwing around the term nazism like it’s NBD. It’s revolting to me and I don’t see how they are pleased with themselves.

Sure I may have an unpopular opinion but I don’t think I’m wrong. I like that you remain positive but also realistic. You’re not a blind Stan and it’s really nice to see some spaces where you are maintaining your peace and giving others that as well.

Chris isn’t perfect, and I have said where I felt he lacks in his acting. But I’d much rather focus on positive things in his career. I see no point in constantly just focusing on the negative. What a miserable way to think.

Ryan can be bankable with the right script and role. But it can be very one note. This is someone who became aware of Ryan in Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place. I enjoy him but he’s not switching up his characters that much either.

I like one Chris Pine character and that’s Rise of the Guardians because I don’t have to see his face. I’m not a fan and that’s why I choose not to mention him. So we’re moving on.

I’m sure there’s a lot going on that most of us will never really know. There’s a lot of trolling, a lot of lying, a lot of distraction, and I just don’t care. I’m going to stay in my attic with fanfics and hopefully a new role real soon.

[waheelawhisperer]

Slogged through V9E6, thoughts are under the cut

As always, I am worried that Jaune’s arrival means he’s going to start sucking focus away from the other characters again. Here’s hoping the writers remember he’s best used as a supporting character.

Jaune why did you grab the weird thing that looks like a clock what did you think was going to happen

Don't touch weird shit you idiot it's like rule #1

I hate the Ever After so much

So did he just sit there for years until he got DILFed? Lmao.

I'm sure this change will have long-lasting ramifications for both Jaune's characterization and the narrative as a whole.

Well, this was a wonderful, touching moment until it was immediately ruined by Weiss’s daddy kink

Like seriously who the fuck thought it was a good idea to have Jaune admit that he’d gone through a horribly traumatic experience and been incredibly lonely for what’s indicated to be literally decades based on his physical changes and then have Weiss immediately start thirsting for him like we literally see his eyes watering and then not seven seconds later Weiss is looking at him with do-me eyes

These writers genuinely have zero understanding of tone or how to set and maintain it effectively it’s amazing it's like they watched the MCU and the only lesson they took away from it was that every moment that might possibly have any kind of emotional impact needs to be undermined by a snappy quip as quickly as possible because otherwise someone might make the mistake of assuming your show is sincere about anything

Anyway girliepop’s showing her whole ass right now way to keep your fetish under wraps Weiss

Yang’s looking at her like “I know what you are”

Nice try Yang like I didn’t see you eyeing up Jaune too feast on the crumbs my fellow pan Yang truthers

Miles is genuinely never beating the “Jaune is a self-insert” allegations holy shit

Like if you want people to believe that the character you voice, who's received a disproportionate amount of narrative focus throughout the series already and has received repeated criticism for it, who's already been presented as attractive on at least one occasion, isn't a self-insert, maybe don't have one of the mains openly thirsting after him once you've written an excuse for him to be aged up so that he's both closer to your age and significantly older than she is after you've already posed for a picture with a body pillow of an underage girl from the show you write for and your coworker has posted that picture online with the caption "She's still only 16, don't get too comfortable". Like maybe consider the optics for 5 seconds. It'd be 5 seconds longer than you typically think through your writing choices, at any rate.

Wow, finally someone is engaging with the fall of Atlas, Team RWBY’s part in it, and the ramifications of both the previous things. Only took half the fucking Volume.

I actually like the pretty distinct perspectives and the conflict between Weiss and Blow. Weiss is the one who has the most reason to be attached with Atlas and Blow has the most reason to feel negatively about that Kingdom, so having them be the ones arguing here is a good choice.

Yeah, Weiss, you did fail, but it wasn’t just you. Most of the blame rests on the shoulders of Ironwood and these dumbass fucking writers.

That said, you guys didn’t exactly pass your trials with flying colors.

Good point, Ruby.

Yang is the first one to engage with Ruby’s distress again, even if she’s not exactly on the money here either in terms of her actual position on Ironwood or how to help Ruby.

I feel like this is one of the few moments of actual substance we've gotten this Volume and I really wish we'd spent more time digging into it. Unfortunately, He-Jaune, Master of the Universe, cuts it short. Not a fan of that choice unless we pick this up again at a later date.

He-Man’s a little bit of a jerk. Interesting. I kinda want to see where this goes.

He also doesn’t seem to like the Cat. He gets points for that.

He-Man, Master of the Jauniverse, does not want them going to the Tree. Given what apparently happened to the Herbalist, this implies something sinister about the Tree and Ascension.

You read my mind, Weiss.

Jaune has a very different perspective on Ascension than the Cat. On the one hand, the Cat is a denizen of the Ever After and probably knows more about how it works than Jaune does. On the other hand, Jaune is far more inherently trustworthy as a character we’ve known for 8+ Volumes, whereas the Cat is sinister as fuck. They've been creeping me out since their introduction.

Once again, Ascension is equated with death – you lose your memories, lose who you are. Whatever you used to be is gone.

Good pun, Yang.

Who the fuck is Lewis?

Oh, wonderful, Alyx had a brother. An irrelevant character had another irrelevant character to hang out with. Can we please stop expanding the cast?

Go off, Weiss (and Yang)

What the fuck did the Cat just do

I love you Weiss. There really is just no end to the Ever After’s bullshit, is there?

Where the hell are Blow and Yang?

You walked right into that one, Weiss.

Love how He-Man’s just done with everything. I am too, buddy, I am too.

Here it comes, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Maybe we’ll get something decent out of this Volume after all.

YOU GUYS CAN LITERALLY DOUBLE JUMP WHY DOES EVERY SCENE IN THIS VOLUME THAT DOESN’T INVOLVE COMBAT INSIST ON FORGETTING THAT THE CHARACTERS HAVE MOBILITY TOOLS

I could cross that shit and I don’t even have superpowers

You have perfectly good ropes right there

Yes I get that it’s a metaphor for taking the next step in their relationship blah blah blah but the metaphor is shit

This Volume really likes presenting challenges as insurmountable when Team RWBY has regularly handled far more difficult ones it keeps breaking my willing suspension of disbelief

I'm normally pretty willing to buy into what a show is going for but I just can't do it for this Volume

Was that Summer in the reflection?

Looks like the reflections show everyone’s issues – Summer for Ruby, Penny for Jaune, Atlas for Weiss

Oh, so Alyx was a little shitter, huh? I’m sure there’s nothing negative about the choice to portray a (female) character of color this way, especially in a show known for being racist produced by a company known for being racist.

Okay yeah Jaune you probably fucked up here trying to railroad her into the book’s storyline. Somebody’s never played D&D before and it shows

Poor guy’s really hurting though, can’t blame him for feeling like a failure

I’d like the show to unpack all this but I don’t even trust it to handle Team RWBY’s issues (or even address them in a meaningful way) so we’ll see

I feel like we have to take everything Jaune says about the Cat and the Tree and the Ever After with a grain of salt, but the Cat is genuinely creepy as shit, so I feel like there’s some validity to this, at least.

So Jaune thinks the Cat fed Lewis to the Tree. Is he right? Who the fuck knows?

But it does set up some sinister implications about the Tree, the Cat, and the nature of the Ever After. If the Tree’s not an option, how does the gang get home?

I get the feeling that Jaune is at least partially wrong about how the Tree works, but what he's saying makes sense based on what he knows.

Yang you fucking dork

Anyway if Blow has a really good brain it’d be nice to see more examples of it beyond “she’s the bookworm”, I’m sure setting her own house on fire was a great demonstration of intelligence. I feel like this is another indication that I’m right when I say that RWBY would’ve really benefited from another Beacon Volume to really build the relationships between the core cast that the show tries to convince us exist.

Also, Yang is smart even if Blow makes her brain turn to mush. She seems to have figured out the trick here. She sounds so sweet and sincere when she mentions liking Blow’s ears, though I feel like this is another instance where the show isn’t taking Blow’s status as a minority seriously, what with the potential elements of fetishization here. Still, I’ll try to go with the writing’s intent here.

Honestly it probably wouldn’t even bother me if this Volume hadn’t insisted on continually comparing Blow to a cat

You did, in fact, nail it, Yang. Such a fucking dork I love her

Okay, Blow, maybe you do have a really good brain after all. Again, would’ve been nice to establish this a bit earlier, but oh well.

Yang you fucking dork lmao

Damn, Blake went hard here. Yang went with the surface-level stuff and was probably expecting the same in return and Blake just started pouring her heart out. I love the way Yang’s eyes and face just softened the moment Blake said she was an extraordinary person. Girlie was not expecting that at all.

“I like that you’ve never been intimidated by me” BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Yang she fucking flinches like a dog expecting to be beaten every time you raise your voice around her she’s the only one in your friend group who’s ever been intimidated by you even Jaune is fine around you and that boy’s afraid of his own shadow

Jk I lied the other abuse victim on your team also has negative reactions when you act aggressive

Anyway I guess we know why we got that line about Yang not being scary (even though she could be if she wants to) back in Episode 1.

Yang how are you missing with every line Blow gave up on Adam and the White Fang and that was a good thing because it let her escape his abuse hello?

Oh and she sure as hell gave up on Qrow and Ironwood when Qrow crawled into a bottle and Ironwood decided to raise Atlas, and she was literally the only person on her team who didn’t believe in Yang’s innocence when Cinder framed Yang during the Vytal Festival (guess who was ride or die for Yang in that moment? I'll give you a hint: her name starts with a W), and she ran away from her entire team when Weiss was racist for two episodes. Finding her was the whole fucking plot of the V1 finale. Like I’m not even arguing that she was wrong or unjustified for any of that but if you want her to be the one who never gives up on anyone then maybe fucking show her never giving up on anyone

Does Blake really know what matters to her, Yang? It sure as hell wasn’t Faunus rights during the Atlas Volumes.

That fucking lighting lmao

Just spit it out you idiots lets get this over with my expectations are dropping with every line

God Yang is such a fucking dork I genuinely love this for her it would’ve been so easy to make her the cocky flirty one all the time and they didn’t

For all my frustrations with this show I do genuinely like that.

I like how Yang hesitated a bit and didn’t quite commit but Blake went full-bore.

Oh my God it’s so sappy and cheesy and romantic

I can understand why people love it even if for me it crosses the line to narm like honestly this scene just feels ridiculous but that's just a personal taste thing, it feels too over-the-top for me but there's some charm to it as well

I feel a little bad for the Cat but honestly they strike me as manipulative more than anything

Every scene just gives me bad vibes

Damn, they were makin out, hands changed positions and everything

Nice little leg pop Blow

You and the fandom both, Jaune.

Kinda wonder when you figured it out though because you were not picking up on it in Volume 8 ("Ruby?" "Yeah... Ruby.")

Good to know the Bees thought confessing their feelings was more important than getting home or stopping Salem. I like both characters less every time they treat the Ever After as a vacation.

The little hand touch is cute though.

Okay, Ruby is not reacting well to the return of Crimson Rose, probably because it represents the burden of being a leader and a Huntress.

She's pushing her insecurities down again. That's gonna burst out sooner or later.

Jaune thinks Alyx traded Lewis to the Tree in order to leave. My guess is that either Jaune or Ruby tries to trade themselves to the Tree so the others can go home.

Damn, Ruby’s rejecting Crescent Rose pretty emphatically there.

Music is still forgettable I don’t think there’s been a single song that I’ve remembered a not of when it’s not actually playing for 6 whole episodes

Miles gave a solid performance here and so did whoever voices the Cat.

Okay, so, here it is: the scene we’ve all been waiting for since Volume 2 at the latest. The Bees are an item now, and it’s really obvious that it meant a lot to CRWBY. They put a lot of love into that scene, and it shows. Visually, it’s gorgeous, the voice actresses clearly put their hearts and souls into it, the music is meant to scream romance...

Unfortunately, I don’t like it. Perhaps this is just a nitpick on my end because I’m a stubborn ornery cantankerous bastard who hates being told what to do, but this confession doesn’t feel organic. It feels like they were forced into it by outside factors (the stupid fucking punderstorm that wouldn’t let them leave until they told each other their feelings. If I'd been in their place, I would've sat my stubborn Texan ass down and told that fucking weather condition that it could let me out right now or move along on its own time, but I'm staying right here until it does. Ain't no fuckin rain clouds gonna tell me what to do).

I don’t like that in and of itself, but it gets worse when you consider that both characters are A) queer and B) were only coded and not explicitly confirmed as queer within the show prior to this scene. It feels like two queer characters are being forced out of the closet, which would be bad enough on its own, but gets infinitely worse when the company behind the show named itself after a homophobic slur and then built a company culture around bullying and bigotry and the lead writer on the show has been openly biphobic and fetishized bi women in the past. Good job, morons, you managed to take a ship I’ve supported since the characters involved met in the Emerald Forest and make it feel gross to me. Between this and Blake’s jokes about Yang’s arm in Episode 2, I’m officially not a Bumbleby shipper anymore. You’ve fumbled the bag that badly. Please never hold a job in any creative industry again.

Overall rating: Horrendously Bad And Specifically Disappointing On Top Of That/10

Amazed that I can't definitively declare this a bottom three episode of the Volume because 3 of the 5 others I've watched so far were also this fucking bad. Truly an accomplishment.

Everything that wasn't Weiss's thirst for DILFs and the Bumbleby confession was okay (not amazing), but the writers fucked up so badly with the parts that sucked that they accomplished something incredible: they executed a scene I've been waiting for for ages so incompetently that I don't ship Bumbleby anymore.

[the-irrelevant-trumpeter]

OKAY PERCY JACKSON SERIES THOUGHTS REAL QUICK not in any particular order just what my brain is spewing

(spoilers obviously)

okay so like. it was so good. screaming crying throwing up like!!!!

walker leah and aryan are all excellent and i'm so excited to see them throughout the rest of the show

special shoutout to leah because in these first two eps she's had a lot less screentime than the other two and yet she has completely stolen the show for me

forgot that jason mantzoukas is in this and got jumpscared lmao

the car and then minotaur scenes would have been really good if i had been able to see them

i feel like i was expecting luke's scar to be bigger. this isn't a complaint or anything, just an observation.

"NO I AM SALLY JACKSON'S SON" slayed so hard like i screameddd

percy praying to his mum <3333 there's one thing percy jackson will do and that is think of his mum as a goddess

also HIM BURNING THE JELLYBEANS 😭😭😭

also also him telling his mum that he really feels like he's made friends when you know he's talking about luke is TRAGIC oh no the final episode is going to be sooo good and so heartbreaking. oof.

i really REALLY liked virginia kull as sally, but a lot of the dialogue in her scenes felt a bit clunky to me. idk i know they need exposition and all that, but some of it felt a bit weird. especially their conversation right before she was killed

okay i know a few people in the tag have already talked about this, but sally and gabe felt a little off to me. i know the posts i've seen have said that they downplayed how completely and utterly awful gabe is, and while i do think it was downplayed a little bit, he was still bad enough that i didn't feel like that was a major issue. the part that didn't feel quite right to me was the way sally argued back at him. i feel like what she says to him is kind of what the audience should WANT her to say (because gabe's a dick), but the point is that she doesn't say that, because sally jackson loves percy so damn much that she willingly endures that until she is able to get out of that situation. i swear i'm not going to be like "tHiS iSnT hOw iT iS iN tHe bOoK" much, because it's an adaptation and it's going to have to make some changes and that's fine! but in the book, percy states that he's "never heard her raise her voice or say an unkind word to anyone, not even me or gabe" and keeps on emphasising how she constantly withstands gabe and doesn't move against him because of her love for percy, and i just feel like that's an important aspect of her character. also i feel like sally arguing back at gabe is going to make her finally killing him less impactful. and i think it probably also plays a part in gabe's assholery being downplayed. because the argument they have there feels much more like "oh we're so dysfunctional ha ha" instead of "this is an abusive household". you know what i mean? idk i get that it was meant to be a #girlboss moment, and a part of me was like "YEAH GET HIS ASS", but i do feel like that moment didn't serve sally's character as well, changed the dynamic of sally and gabe's relationship, and negatively affected the impact the story will have when percy gives her the means to get rid of gabe and she takes it. this is a very long dot point i'm sorry.

mr d pretending to be percy's dad was SO FUNNY

clarisse is too pretty (/pos), like i was barely paying attention in her scenes because i was literally there like "women <3" thank you dior goodjohn

"you fell in love with god... like jesus?" is a top tier line

i'm so sorry but i'm a "tah-lia" pronunciation truther and it will remain this way in my head

the cut to percy flossing in the woods killed me. like straight up killed me dead.

BLACKJACK BEING THE FIRST MAGICAL THING PERCY SEES!!! THEY'RE GOING TO BE BESTIES!!!

these are all of the thoughts i have atm, and despite my more negative thoughts here, my feelings are almost completely positive (my excitement is less coherent than my criticisms, so i didn't write about them as much). i'm really excited to see the rest of the episodes!

[alexandraisyes]

A List of Common Traits Sociopaths Have

Note: These are a mix of personality traits (cannot be changed) and behavioral traits (can be changed) For the sake of simplicity, personality traits are the things that are considered the defining factor of a sociopath. Don't freak out if you have one or two of these, everyone has at least one symptom of every disorder ever, and that doesn't mean you are a sociopath. Also, please keep in mind this isn't a pretty topic that's sunshine and rainbows. It's a mental disorder and I do not intend on sugarcoating it.

Personality Traits

Lack of Empathy: Empathy is the ability to sense other people's emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling. We literally cannot do that. We will not understand on an emotional level why you are upset, why you are crying, why you're laughing at something we said. We can understand on a logical level, not an emotional one. Sociopaths have to learn something called cognitive empathy, which is using critical thinking to understand another person's emotions and thoughts. We're logical, we can't understand your emotional issues without using cold logic, this can make people perceive us as cruel and inhumane when we simply aren't capable of empathizing.

Not Giving a Fuckery: Put bluntly, we don't care. You can't make us care. You can't persuade us to care. If we want to care about something, we will, and you will have no influence on whether that happens or not. And generally, we don't want to care either. We are capable of caring, but we are highly selective about what and who we choose to care about, and it tends to be someone we've known for long-term who has managed to wriggle past our walls. Even then we'll have periods where we just cannot give a fuck about them, even if they matter to us. It's a rocky road y'all, and the guilt afterwards is fucking hell (partly because we care about them and feel bad about not caring for a bit, but mostly because we aren't used to guilt and so it makes us feel feelings that we have no idea how to process.)

Lack of Guilt: Don't feel the need to go too deep into this cause I've already covered it. Look at the two above posts. Why would someone who has no emotional empathy and suffers from not giving a fuckery feel guilt about... hardly anything? We can feel guilt, I know this first hand. (That was a rough moment of my life there.) But it's also really easy for us to rationalize our actions and push it under the rug to never look at again. Which means it's really hard for us to find a reason to change our behavior when we hurt others, especially if they aren't people we care about. When it's someone we care about, it tends to go either "I can live without them (fucking lies)" or "I'm gonna lose them if I don't knock it off". I'll go into greater detail about the fucking lies statement there later on in the behavior section.

Guarded Trust: As stated briefly in point two, we have walls. We have a lot of walls. And a firing squad behind those walls if you managed to get past them. We don't want to trust you, and we might never fully trust you (just depends on the sociopath). Generally when people have their walls up that high there's some kind of vulnerability they don't want exploited, not so much the case with sociopaths. Most of us just are jaded and cold and uncaring, and we aren't hiding anything "for our own protection" (unless it's something like a case of consistent abuse to and past full maturation [adulthood] that will obviously have negative effects that make us doubly untrusting of others). So, if you manage to earn our trust, congratulations on sticking around long enough to do that. Now don't fuck it up.

Self Preservation: Some people claim that sociopaths are narcissistic (to be a narcissist is an entirely different personality disorder, but anyone can act narcissistic). I argue that a sociopath has no more inclination to act narcissistic than your average human being. What is actually perceived is our sense of self preservation, which is like yours... on steroids. We will always come first in our minds because why would you put something before you that you don't care about? If there is one oxygen mask, and there are two of us, and we both need oxygen to live, I would not hesitate in letting you die. Harsh, but honest. We tend to be called narcissistic because we share some traits with narcissists, like high charisma, intelligence, and we're highly tuned into other people's reactions and behaviors (a lack of empathy and caring makes it easier to completely dismantle someone in our minds). It's important to note that if we are going out of our way to do something for someone we don't particularly know or care about, it's generally because we want something from them, or we want to be able to get something from them in the future. We tend to play nice with others because they have something we want, whether this is a material thing, or in more self-aware sociopaths like myself, companionship. Also to note, we don't give a shit what you think about us unless it's going to cause us issues with getting what we want from you, our ego isn't at stake like a narcissist's is. We don't brag about ourselves or try to impress you, and we tend to keep the conversation off of ourselves. You can talk with me for hours on end, and walk away knowing nothing about me and I will know everything about you unless you ask the right questions that get me to talk about myself. If I humor you with the all about Alex, it's because I find amusement in your reaction to what is honestly quite a horrifying story. This is pretty common behavior for a sociopath I found out, haha.

Lack of Intrusive Thoughts: Don't ask us what we're thinking and expect an honest answer, you don't want to know what is actually happening in our head. We don't care, remember? We aren't bothered by thoughts that are about immoral topics and actions, and we just brush them off like we do with any other thought. The only times I have ever considered a thought intrusive is when it involved hurting someone I care deeply about (my mom and generally my cats) or involved breaking my personal moral code. Past that, we will literally think about anything and not bat an eye. We also generally aren't going to be affected by viewing traumatic content unless it ties directly into our own traumatic experiences (or, again, involves someone we care about), and this tends to be the case with most sociopaths. A thought about brutally murdering our family has the same tone as needing to make sure we remember to pick up more coffee next time we go to the store, and it won't bug us like it will a normal person.

No Uno Reverse: Sorry, but if you want to pull a fast one on a sociopath, it's not going to work. You can't manipulate us. You can't threaten us. You can't persuade us. You can bribe us, but that's not manipulation at that point, that's you offering up goods to earn our favor. Honestly... if you were to bribe us for our favor, at that point technically the tables just got turned bozo. You also can't offend us easily. You can piss us off, you can get us riled up, but you're not going to be able to easily find something that's going to get us real upsetti spaghetti for longer than that moment. And if we are upsetti spaghetti, it's not really because we're offended, we're just pissed off at your insolence and audacity and generally mocking you in our heads for being a dumbass. Not saying that you can't manage to offend us, just that it's a hard game and are you even sure the outcome is worth it? You can't make us jealous either, we don't give a shit.

Aromantic: If you are a sociopath you are automatically aromantic. The brain? Yeah that's fucking broken when it comes to chemical love. We can't love you the way you want us to, and we will never be able to. We can love but it's not the same as what the normal person thinks of when they think of loving someone. We will never fall in love with you, and it's not fair to us to expect us to. The best you'll get from us is the effort we will put into the relationship, not because there's some deep emotional connection, but because we care and that's the most you're going to get. If we stick around, put in effort, are willing to compromise and go out of our way to make you happy, that's how we show we "love" you. A relationship with a sociopath will never be romantic on their part, and it will feel a lot like having a best friend instead of a romantic partner. We give out limited affection on a good day, so it's wise to know what you're getting into. (Note: We can learn to be more affectionate if it ends up benefiting us by doing so, but we won't actively seek out things like touch, and you need to both ask if you want it from us, as well as ask before touching us as a general rule of thumb because we aren't touchy people to start with. If we dole out touch like it's candy, it's generally for your benefit and not because we crave it. Always get an okay just in general really before you touch someone else unless they have specified you don't need to ask.)

Blunt: Almost painfully so. We aren't going to beat around the bush unless we are trying to manipulate a situation (this isn't always malicious by the way, a good chunk of the manipulation we do isn't because we're trying to be bad, it's either self-preservation or trying to navigate a situation. It's just that it's also really easy for us to be manipulative for other reasons since we won't feel bad about it that makes this an issue). We don't see a reason to run circles around things, and we are very straight forward, even if we may not act like it at times. We really don't care if you don't like what we have to say.

Bored: We are so so sooooo bored all the damn time. We like interacting with people because it's exciting. We like shiny buttons that give us reactions, and we really really like to press them for better and for worse because it's amusing. It's something to do. A lot of us don't have a healthy way to deal with boredom, which leads to drug and alcohol abuse, petty crimes, sex addiction, etc. Stuff that makes us feel something other than just... empty. The lucky ones (like me) figure out how to manage ourselves, impulses, and the way we interact with others. I fight off my boredom by drawing. For an idea of how bored I fucking am, I draw every day, up to twelve hours a day.

Pride: I'm not going to sugar coat it, we're very very prideful. You want to hurt a sociopath? Attack their pride. That's the only way you're going to do it.

Not Evil: No one is born inherently evil, and neither are sociopaths. A sociopath is formed, not born. Most of us are non-violent, and do the majority of our 'acting out' in highschool and young adulthood. A lot of us end up in juvenile detention at least once because of our ingrained lack of impulse control (I went to juvie three times and committed a handful of misdemeanors). We can be horrible people, but so can someone who is "normal", and considering the population of people who are criminals (5% estimate) compared to people who are sociopaths (less than one, and most of us are again, nonviolent)... yeah that says more about humanity than it does sociopathy. We may, however, appear heartless due to the lack of an instinctual moral compass.

Constant: Let's face the facts, a sociopath isn't going to change. Your personality is constant. Being a sociopath is a huge part of our personality. Your personality doesn't change, and neither will ours. However, we can change and improve by working on our behaviors and going through intensive cognitive behavioral therapy, as well as similar types of intensive therapies that appeal to logic rather than emotion.

Behavioral Traits

The Mask: This is huge, so it's the first. A sociopath's mask is an intricate and meticulously crafted façade designed to camouflage their true thoughts, emotions, and intentions. This carefully constructed persona serves as a social shield, concealing the underlying aspects of our personality that deviate from societal norms. This mask is characterized by a calculated presentation of charm, affability, and a keen ability to adapt to various social scenarios. It reflects a superficial normalcy that enables us to seamlessly integrate into social circles, concealing our inherent lack of empathy and emotional depth. It is not merely a tool for social interaction; it is a strategic move employed to help manipulate and navigate the complexities of human relationships that we literally don't understand. It allows us to mimic conventional emotional responses and create an illusion of connection, while beneath the surface... to put it poetically, an emotional void persists. This deceptive exterior often includes a convincing display of sincerity, engaging conversational skills, and an ability to mirror the emotions of others. The mask is not a fixed entity; rather, it is adaptive, evolving to suit the specific context and individuals involved. It is a versatile tool, enabling them to exploit social dynamics for personal gain without raising suspicion. Behind this facade, however, lies a stark contrast to conventional emotional experiences. The mask is a calculated projection, lacking the genuine emotional depth and connection that characterize authentic human interactions. It serves as a mechanism for self-preservation, allowing us to navigate social landscapes without revealing the true nature of our emotional deficit.

Trust Via The Mask: There are three reasons we'll take off our mask.

We're fucking tired. It's so exhausting pretending to understand shit, and pretending to care, so if our mask slips, don't hate on us for it, we're just exhausted. It takes a lot of mental and emotional energy to keep it up all the time, and the more physically worn out we are, the less energy we have to mask in social settings. It's important to remember that we are humans too, and our mask slipping and revealing glimpses of who we actually are underneath the layers we put on for those around us is okay. No one can be perfect all the time, and if we're so tired we can't keep up the act that says a lot about our mental state (that we aren't going to inform you of).

We trust you. In the context of sociopathic behavior, we may, under certain circumstances, allow our carefully maintained mask to momentarily slip, particularly when a sense of trust has been established in a relationship. This occurrence can indicate a level of confidence in the associated individual, granting them insight into the less guarded aspects of our personality. The decision to reveal our nature in the presence of trust is not a small thing, it reflects a deliberate choice to expose an unfiltered version of us to the individual. During these instances, there may be a temporary departure from the usual emotional detachment characteristic of sociopathy, offering a brief and somewhat paradoxical glimpse into more authentic expressions of thoughts and emotions. For those privy to such moments, a measured approach is advisable, recognizing the significance of the trust extended while maintaining awareness of the inherent boundaries in understanding our emotional terrain.

We want to fuck with you. The deliberate decision to drop the mask, not out of a necessity driven by trust or fatigue but rather as a calculated maneuver for personal amusement or manipulation isn't uncommon (I admitted earlier I too am guilty of this behavior). This can serve us as a tool for gauging and influencing the reactions of others, showing an inclination to navigate social dynamics for our own amusement or gain. In instances where we intentionally discard our mask, the primary motivation lies in observing the impact on those around us. The reactions of others tend to be a source of entertainment or a means of manipulation, providing a sense of control and satisfaction for us in the moment. This calculated move allows us to assess the vulnerabilities and responses of those in our social sphere, offering valuable insights that can be harnessed for future interactions. It is crucial to acknowledge that this intentional unmasking is not a manifestation of genuine emotion or a display of trust but rather a strategic decision grounded in our inherent ability to read and exploit social dynamics. For those on the receiving end of this intentional unmasking, good luck. If you aren't aware of what's going on, you're kind of doomed to get back on even ground with them. It's a bit of a power high to catch somebody so off guard, and then go back to normal, and it's a bad habit I'm personally trying to break. But a lot of us... don't really care about improving so most of us aren't trying to not do that.

Cruelty: Woah, this is a negative trait guys, just an FYI. So keep in mind that while this is a common behavior in sociopathy, not every sociopath is an asshole on purpose, and others can be working to improve. Anyone can be cruel. Cruelty, in this context, is not an incidental byproduct of emotional distress but rather a calculated choice driven by a lack of empathy and a heightened focus on personal objectives. We may engage in deliberate acts of cruelty, exploiting the vulnerabilities and emotions of others without experiencing the moral or emotional constraints that typically deter such behavior. This intentional cruelty can manifest in various forms, including verbal aggression, manipulation, or actions designed to inflict emotional or psychological harm (again, we don't tend to be violent). The absence of empathetic responses allows us to navigate social interactions without the emotional burdens that typically accompany acts of cruelty (like guilt). It is essential to understand that this deliberate cruelty is not generally driven by malice but rather by a self-serving motivation. We tend to view others primarily in terms of utility, with acts of cruelty serving as means to achieve personal goals, assert dominance, or maintain control within relationships. Recognizing the potential for cruelty in individuals with sociopathic traits is crucial for those interacting with them. Establishing healthy boundaries and maintaining a level of emotional detachment can help mitigate the impact of such behavior. Additionally, fostering an understanding of the distinct emotional landscape of sociopaths allows for a more informed approach to navigating relationships with these individuals. It's equally important to recognize when there is the potential for improvement, while also knowing your own limits. The average human being cannot help a sociopath, we need a trained professional’s assistance.

Quiet: The tendency for us to maintain a quiet demeanor is often rooted in a strategic awareness of societal norms and a recognition that openly expressing our thoughts can evoke fear or discomfort in others. This silence, or even distracting ourselves with meaningless chatter, serves as a self-protective measure, allowing us to navigate social interactions without triggering negative reactions based on the unconventional nature of our thoughts and perspectives. The fact that we don't often talk about ourselves does not necessarily translate to being a good listener. We don't tend to actively engage in empathetic listening or exhibit genuine interest in the concerns of others. In social scenarios, we may carefully observe and selectively respond to maintain a calculated distance from emotional entanglements. Understanding this dynamic is essential for managing expectations and fostering realistic communication in relationships with sociopaths. We don't care about your issues, and if we ask about them we're doing so out of morbid curiosity more often than not.

Threatening to Leave: Sociopaths approach relationships with a pragmatic and calculated mindset, often weighing the perceived benefits and losses associated with their connections. Threatening to end a relationship may not elicit the anticipated emotional response unless the sociopath perceives it as a significant loss or a threat to our personal interests. We tend to view relationships through the lens of utility, assessing the value and advantages they derive from the connection. If they perceive that ending the relationship would result in a notable loss or detriment to their goals, we might respond with a level of concern. In such cases, the threat of relationship termination becomes a strategic consideration rather than an emotional trigger. It is important to recognize that the sociopathic response to relationship threats is grounded in a rational evaluation of self-interest rather than emotional attachment. Understanding this dynamic is crucial for those navigating relationships with sociopaths. Effectively communicating concerns or influencing behavior may require appealing to our perceived self-interest rather than relying on emotional appeals.

Walking Away: For a sociopath, the prospect of someone we care about choosing to leave may not lead to the typical emotional experience of heartbreak, as we don't engage in the conventional experience of love. However the emotional impact of such an event, while not precisely analogous to heartbreak, can be remarkably close and centers around our sense of pride and ego. This is not just romantic relationships, but also platonic ones. We often derive a sense of identity and self-worth from our ability to navigate relationships with a certain level of control and influence. The act of someone choosing to leave, particularly if it is unexpected or challenges our sense of self and can result in a significant blow to our pride. The feelings of rejection or failure may prompt a strong emotional response, even if it doesn't align with the traditional concept of heartbreak. While we may not experience heartbreak in the conventional sense, the impact on our pride and ego can be a powerful and challenging emotional experience for them, and can leave us with feelings of helplessness (which makes us resentful) and self hatred if our disorder is blamed as the causation of the relationship failing.

Funny man: We do have a sense of humor, albeit it's one that often leans toward the darker and more unconventional side. This distinctive humor arises from our unfiltered thoughts and the keen ability to perceive and appreciate the absurdities or ironies of life that tend to elude others. We often find amusement in topics that others might perceive as morbid or taboo. Our unfiltered thoughts let us see the humor in situations that might be uncomfortable or unsettling for many. The unbridled nature of our thoughts allows us to view the world through a lens unencumbered by societal norms or emotional sensitivities. We lack the typical social filters that might restrain others from finding humor in certain topics. However, while we may appreciate dark humor, we do tend to recognize the need to share it selectively, and we're capable of shifting what we put out there enough to be acceptable and humorous to different groups of people.

Friendship Potential: While we are often characterized by a lack of emotional empathy and a pragmatic approach to relationships, it's good to recognize that our honestly unique qualities can contribute to the potential for us to be great friends in certain contexts.

Logical Perspectives: Sociopaths, with our cold, logical perspectives, can offer insights and advice that are unclouded by emotional biases. This rational approach can be valuable, especially in situations where objective analysis is required.

Reliability and Consistency: Sociopaths may exhibit a high level of consistency and reliability in our friendships. Our pragmatic nature often translates into clear communication and straightforward expectations, reducing the likelihood of unpredictable behaviors.

Solution-Oriented Approach: The problem-solving skills we hold can be an asset in a friendship. Our focus on achieving goals and navigating challenges efficiently can contribute to finding effective solutions in various situations.

Honesty as a Form of Care: Sociopaths, in our own way, may express care through brutal honesty. While this honesty may be unsettling, it can be interpreted as a sincere effort to provide transparent insights, devoid of the social niceties that often accompany communication.

Loyalty to a Select Few: Though generally characterized by a lack of empathy, we may form genuine bonds with a small circle of individuals. This selective loyalty can result in deep and lasting friendships, where we are able to demonstrate commitment and support.

[esther-dot]

White savior anon again lol. So I go back and forth on the J/D romance. On one hand, the show going thru with it and Martin's fixation on incest makes me think there will be some type of romance. That being said, it's not going to end well because all their foreshadowing is negative lol and speaks of betrayal. Also, Martin intends to complete the story in two books, which is not realistic since he gardended himself into hundreds of interconnected main characters and plotlines - he needs to set the chess pieces in place for the climax in the last book in Winds but he literally cannot do all that in one book. So, how exactly he intends to write some sweeping, dynamic romance when Dani won't even step foot in Westeros until the last leg of the book is well, lol....good luck with that one. That's why the show romance was ass, it's hard for audiences to buy a romance between two people who met and conversed for approximately 20 minutes across 8 episodes - no development or investment. I just don't see how Martin has the page space or time to do all he needs to do with the other 9768 characters and plotlines while developing this supposed grand love story between J and D. He's a talented writer, but deeply inefficient and made some key mistakes - the ages of the characters, wasting so much time having characters walk around the riverlands, braavos, etc. while internally contemplating their shitty lives for chapter after chapter, like ok you're miserable we get it but this could have taken half the chapters - so now he's screwed himself as a result lol.

IDK about Jonsa, I believe Sansa is the girl in grey, and I do think per the show (I think a lot more big plot points were taken from Martin than readers want to believe tbh) Jon and Sansa will have a significant relationship in Winds, platonic or not, or at least he intended that to be the case, but idk if he is willing to Go There with that pairing. He let way too much time pass between books and social mores have changed quit a bit. The faux sibling almost incest trope was pretty big back in the 90s and early 2000s, but now? Not so much.

Jon and the Targ line ending with him. Sure there are people will targ blood still around like Brienne and the Baratheons. But none of them are the direct descendent/son of Targ prince who plunged the realm into a civil war over said Targ's birth lol. Sure it's not fair, but thematically it makes sense and I do think this is what was intended back in the 90s. Now? IDK lol.

(continuation of this convo)

Oh yes, I've seen a lot of fans criticize how he allows himself to write so much of his favs (*cough* Tyrion *cough*) rather than streamlining. I can't figure out how he can bring all these characters and carry out the plots in two books either. I know he said they're big books, but there are so many things that have to happen and they characters are all still so scattered...I really don't know how he'll manage. Like, Sansa has to go North, reunite with Jon, reclaim Winterfell, be reunited with other Starks/handle succession, they have to deal with the Others and then there is Dany. It's a lot.

I don't think there could be a genuine romance with J/D at all. Jon's experienced the whole Ygritte situation, then he was assassinated, it doesn't make sense to me that he'd fall for an enemy so soon or trust one either, not with the guilt/betrayal he'll be feeling. I do think Dany is vulnerable with her belief that she needs another dragon rider/that will be a person she can trust and her romantic nature, so I think she could convince herself she can trust Jon and then he betrays her. That could be a fairly short-lived interlude though, since she's primed for it. There is also Euron and Aegon too though, and I had assumed that would be before she met up with Jon and if that's the case, Jon is not gonna have kind thoughts (if she kills Aegon), and Dany will be even less trusting (if she's dealt with Euron), so Idk. I don’t want anything to happen between J/D, but imo, there has to be some kind of relationship or trust to make it an awful scene when Jon stabbity stabs. Dany will have burned KL, if anyone else assassinates her, it’s badass, but I think Martin's way too anti war/anti violence to do that. I really think he's gonna want it to be painful.

Also, I’ve recently been wondering if instead of some past events being foreshadowing, they’re meant to work as explanation, justification for the end of the story. As in, I thought the mess of the war in canon and Robert’s Rebellion were meant to convince us that the moral thing would be to avoid war to spare life and that Jon would be KitN and kneel a la the king who knelt. The show’s bizarrely written inclusion of him kneeling seemed to support such an idea. Except, look at what the Targs became as rulers, where that ended for Westeros, and Dany has dragons and will have do her little KL bbq, so the moral thing in this instance isn’t submission, but neither is it all out war. I think that's the grounding for why it has to be faux submission then assassination.

I really don't think Martin would change his endgame now because of fan outrage or social norms, but imo, the foreshadowing isn't conclusive, or, I guess I should say, I see problems with every potential endgame, but particularly with Jon ending up at the Wall because of how it seems to answer problems Martin seemed interested in addressing. So, I think there's room for a nicer ending for him, if Martin wants it.

[highlifeboat]

You like angst. Here's a thought: You think Alcina had some regrets about the last words spoken to her daughters being reprimands about doing better, before Ethan killed them? (Specifically thinking of the line "Cassandra! A word... What is that man up to? You're my daughter... Now act like it!" - I heard it in a playthrough the other day and my heart broke knowing it triggers when someone dies)

Oh, 100%, I think it's a bit of regret mixed with guilt.

I like to think this specifically about Cassandra for a moment, because she says that line after both of her other daughters are dead (Or she says a very similar one). Cassandra is her only child left, and the last thing she ever said to her was not a form of encouragement, or reassurance, it was a reprimand, a criticism on how Cassandra hasn't done her job, so to speak. Of course, Alcina was stressed and upset at the time, she wasn't saying it to give Cassandra trouble really, but it still isn't nice to hear from Cassandra's perspective. Even the way Cassandra says "Of course, Mother." it pitched and stressed. Probably more from the fact both her sisters have just been murdered, but having your mom yell at you in that situation probably doesn't help too much.

Then consider Bela, and I'd like to bring up at least the line "I expect results." that Alcina says when she summons her in mercenaries. Because clearly, Alcina is going to hold her eldest to a high standard. I would assume a very similar thing was said to Bela before Ethan met up with her, probably before they all separated. Of course this is a HUGE hypothetical, but I like the idea that she was speaking to Bela directly, and probably told her something like "He cannot leave this castle, and if he tries I expect you to deal with it." type thing. So the last thing Bela gets before dying is just blatant orders. And assuming Bela tries very hard to always be the best, and make her Mama happy, she dies considering herself a failure. So there's that.

As for Daniela, I don't think she got it as harsh as her sisters, because she was locked in the library. Clearly Alcina didn't think Daniela could deal with Ethan, because it's very deliberate. She even takes the key with her, Ethan is never meant to get to Daniela. And you may think "Well, at least Daniela probably went knowing her mom loved her." but consider; Daniela died thinking her mom considered her so weak she literally locked her in the library away from the fight. And that fight with Ethan she was really trying to prove she could be useful.

Of course Alcina never meant any of it negatively, despite her critiques she loved her girls to death. And how she wishes she could go back and remind them all of that. She just... thought she'd be able to tell them after.

Hindsight is 20/20, as they say.

[elialys]

OMG im so 🥺

That i have to talk...I'm in shock !

How can someone like Torv and not follow her teachings? Love others as they are!Yes she always said quote Helen is Anna Torv "I love you just the way you are"it should always be people's motto!

And another quote she left this year EMPATY...OK you Dont like the person but you have to respect.Then its ok leave...why criticize something if we have no comparison?

You don't do anything so so wrong unforgivable to a human and everyone sometimes make mistakes!

I am sometimes surprised and outrageous by people pointing the finger só easily at small things that they perceive differently and be silent or quiet at big problems around them or even looking at themselves! I'm just saying one thing.  Of all of us.... ALL of us, YOU were the one who dedicated the most time YEARS -DECADES, had the most patience (countdown the minutes of the 2 years without premieres? ) and fought for each series, each Anna Torv's work(things like uniting fans, posting videos, talking about her, supporting her unconditionally... Fauxlivia is still your protégé, right?🤭and fighting Helen Dale dont stop )... and for me it is extremely commendable and I admire you immensely for never stopping fighting and share Anna Torv!

Your neurodivergent brain may have flaws...but What brain don't have sometimes a little's error ?

NOBODY is Perfect right? And qualities as a fan fic writer, fan, woman, friend, caring, and empathetic you have and they are huge And guess what...people who prefer to criticize SHES A REALLY TREASURE !

I could list about more than 100 things you did that were important! And if you wanna i can make a list...my nerd brain remembers all good gestures 🥰

And this is for all there fans no fans humans that read...

When they criticize you...choose the other path...which Anna Torv has also advised...

FEEL PROUD OF EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE!  😍❤️

Thank you so much for your kind words, Maria ❤️❤️❤️

Honestly, I am genuinely at a lost as to why some people get so mad and unforgiving over honest mistakes, especially when I mean it when I say I never meant any harm, and will listen and change my behavior if it's not appropriate. I have been in this fandom for a very long time, and I've always tried my best to be nice, and to do better when I can do better. And anyone who takes the time to actually get to know me at all, unlike those people who have honestly been very closed-off from the start, knows that I'm the opposite of an asshole, and that my life motto literally is 'let's be kind and show empathy'.

I swear twitter puts a negativity filter on everyone's brain, they expect the worst of everyone. The fact that they thought I'd sent people after them to 'harass' them, when I wasn't even aware of what was going on until my friend reached out to me to tell me about it, at which point said friend had already gotten involved, just baffles me. I'm a 36 year old adult with bad social anxiety, I live my life hoping to avoid drama or situations in which people will get angry at me in any way. The last thing I would ever think to do is have that kind of vindictive behavior, especially about something I knew I could have handled better. But you can't have conversations with the twitter crowd, you just can't. They will assume the worst of you and that's it.

I haven't been on twitter for a couple weeks now, except to post fic links for my followers who care about them, and honestly, I don't know if I'll be back, not when there are a few people who seem to enjoy scrutinizing the things I do or say.

I still want to do the Anna project because I want her to receive love from her fans, but my anxiety about this is too high at the moment, and my brain a bit too unkind.

I'm very thankful for fellow fans like you, Maria, I mean that 😘😘😘

[rf-times]

Since I barely see people touch on this subject often and you are one of the best radblr accounts, I want to share a thought with you and see what do you think about it. This will be a bit long...

So lately I have talked to a friend about how the conceptualization of the so called “peak trans” disconnected from the whole understanding of the neoliberalism ideology was regressive to radical feminism in many points, to the point of becoming one of the strongest backlashes we have to deal with currently. At first sight, this perception can sounds exaggerating because radical feminists like Janice Raymond and Sheila Jeffreys had always touched on this topic criticizing the MEDICAL COMPLEX who profits from countless people's agony due to misogyny, homophobia and overall hatred for gnc people. Unfortunately, this powerful and accurate criticism of transgederism was gradually replaced when be a gc became so popular, almost like a queer identity without the glamour ofc but still interesting enough to appeal to some people. The main unity factor? Be able enough to define what is a woman! From the white supremacist to the liberal “leftist” /“feminist” who is just upset bc was called “transphobic” after devoting themselves to transactivism and want to vent about it to apolitical women who think men in dress are the only dangerous men on earth, everyone is welcomed and then the feminist resistance(called 'gender critical'), that was initially created to oppose to the censorship in academic feminist spaces who only accepts liberal approach of feminism while reject the rest, don't exist anymore but the effect of what was left of the gc movement is permanent. “radfem” also became an identity, “terf” too and anyone, literally, ANYONE who disagrees with transactivism/queeractivism, even if a little bit, are thrown in the same bag as “radfem” and “terf” and these labels CAN MEAN ANYTHING and the worst part is that we aren't even able to define ourselves bc transactivists/queers are doing it instead of us because they receive political capital from the liberal right and we have nothing.

Radical feminists aren't anti trans people in any sense, our criticisms are POLITICAL, not individualist. With that said, due to this polarized debate, many people do get attracted to radfem spaces bc of a lot of things except for feminism. Many women don't want to at least read feminist books, they just want to talk all the time about transactivists and think peak activism is fighting TRA's all day. There are also women who consume radical-leaning content like we consume products. They tend to think if they have enough feminist knowledge, they're shielded from misogyny and it also gives them a free pass to ignore/belittle other realities, since the other women are so inferior to them. But sometimes it just drains them bc the constant negativity without any real changes is emotionally damaging and add nothing in a personal level let alone collectively.

All these examples above are integral parts of the neoliberalism, this alienation, disconnection with reality and inability to uniting as a class bc things can have so many meanings and oppression can't be oppressive if you are empowered enough lol

This is why I think the conceptualization of “peak trans” often ignore strong social/political forces that controls our society and appeal away too much to a moralistic approach that was never present in Radical Feminism. I often see women here bragging about how rf can't be infiltrated by men(or male ideologies) and I wish it was real but it isn't. Radical Feminism does have a admirable story of resistance to male ideologies but thinking it wasn't already infiltrated with neoliberalism is bs. Even communism was taken by liberals and has been losing its essence day after day, since even some political communist parties in countries like Brazil are funded by the USA liberal right. Besides the negativity of my ask, I still believe in better days to all of us but I think the first step is to fight for radical feminism, the real one, not what people generically label as “radfem”.

Thank you so much for the ask, I really love getting stuff like this. It's definitely because people would 'peak trans' from different ideologies, many of which have little in common, from those who still believe in some form of medical transition as a good form of treatment to dysphoria, to conservatives, to people who have never questioned the medical industrial complex. Radical feminism is devalued and turned into an identity as you say and indeed many women who buy into radical feminism don't go into it with a sense of empathy or goodwill towards other women. At this point I find most trans discourse tedious and it's so clearly noticeable on here how a post making fun of trans ideology > post connecting trans ideology to larger feminist concerns > non-trans feminist concerns, in terms of attention. It isn't enough for us all to agree what a woman is, that isn't a coherent political movement.

It gets to the point where if I see a post where someone is talking about genocide or women being murdered or a graphic horrific cultural institution I find myself waiting for the inevitable part where they say "AND YET TRANS PEOPLE THINK THIS OR THAT" Like the only way so many radfems even talk about feminism anymore is solely through the lens of making a point about trans ideology.